#(which in retrospect was actually quite based of my mom)

[glitchfang]

tbh, not that swsh doesnt have a ton of issues still (im not defending the poor animations or the crunch the devs were under, those elements SHOULD be better) but i think going into swsh with a better mindset has really helped my perception of it. when it first came out, i had just finished rejuvenation v12, so i was used to a snappier presentation, and i dont think i was ready to go back to vanilla pokemon just yet.

[lunar-years]

You're a sweet angel for tackling my RKJ reclist ask! I think reading what you said (and izzyspussy's addition about their ideas and what they put in their fic) helped me to clarify what I actually feel. Which it turns out is not so much that the fight itself was my problem, it was more that the fight and aftermath seemed to represent a narrative door-closing that I didn't expect the finale to have - like for me it rewrote this new interpretation of all of canon. It's as if the writers final intention was to say that that they (in particular Roy and Keeley I think in this case) were just fundamentally incompatible, and that everything the show has done with them so far was the story of a doomed trainwreck, that they were always messing it up, all along, and that this was never a relationship that was meant to work out? If that makes sense to you? (I know you don't AGREE, but hopefully the point I'm making makes sense?) That's what it's hard for me to find my way back from, and it's easy for me to end up leaning into it because in retrospect most of their s2 stories are quite fucked up, let alone s3 things. So I think the RK element is actually the toughest factor for me. I also really didn't read Keeley as interested in Roy during 3.11 or the start of 3.12 - it always felt to me like she was going to turn Roy down in Jamie’s room and wasn't happy with how he kept trying to make a move, and she seemed much happier when Jamie was in the mix. And that Roy's comment to Jamie about how he and Keeley were probably getting back together was like... deluded? So I'm definitely interested in the idea of the Jamie and Keeley getting back together first, with Roy having more work to do, so will check that one out first. But yeah, I think your post has made me realize that what my issue is, it's that we've basically got these people who we want to be together and then the show's final takeaway was that actually, we spent 3 seasons watching them basically being in a bad, dysfunctional relationship or ex-relationship. So while I definitely don't vibe with sweeping the fight under the rug exactly, what I actually don't vibe with is the idea of them getting together without tearing their issues apart and putting the relationship back together in a totally new way. Hopefully some of the fics do the trick communication wise. I really appreciate the reclist and the attempt to understand my ask, and I appreciate the additions of the sort of looser options in the hopes that once im sold on it again, I might enjoy some easier-to-please fun stuff! I really hope to read them all, that was a nice idea!

I do agree with you on some of this in the sense that yeah I do think roykeeley was written with the eventual plan to break them up (esp in s2, but obvs there is the parallel moment of their s1 encounter in the car park to Ted and Michelle calling it quits that in hindsight reads as Big Foreshadowing, so maybe it truly was always the intention from the go). And I do agree that their s2 storyline revealed a lot of deeply rooted issues in their relationship (mutual insecurities, bad communication, both of them feeling very adrift in multiple aspects of their lives). I also agree with you that the writers were intending to show Keeley was never going to take him back in Mom City (it's def very clear she was going to turn him down before Jamie walked in), as well as her deliberately steering clear of him in 3x12 to avoid having to have that conversation. Because of all of that I do think she's not interested in getting back together with him at the time we leave her, but I think where I interpret it differently is that I don't see that as meaning she's no longer interested in him. I read her avoidance of him/her shutting him down as more based in confusion and uncertainty than lack of love/interest. And because of that, I see the finale/ending as being totally ambiguous/open-ended in terms of the future of their relationship, as opposed to shutting the door on them entirely.

I think Roy obviously needs to put more work in to gain the communication skills and self-confidence necessary to make that relationship successful, but I also think s3 gave us a great Roy arc culminating with him opening himself up to that growth. He's made the decision to go to therapy, he understands more about who he is and what he wants (the fight being a definite setback, of course, but also the thing that prompts him to take the leap to therapy). It's not perfect, he's sort of stumbling his way along, but he is at least in the right headspace now to put in the work.

And I think in part...that scares Keeley? Like, whereas Roy develops throughout s3 for the better, Keeley is totally floundering. Her s3 arc is one about being utterly lost in life, in her career and her relationships especially. When Jack asks her about ex assuming she means Jamie, Keeley is sort of hit by the realization that she hasn't had even a moment of sitting with any of her prior "failures" or endings before launching into the next thing. Of course she's not processed the end of her relationship with Roy... hell, she's not even processed the end of her relationship with Jamie! And then she launches right into the new thing with Jack anyway because it seems like too much to deal with.

However, by the end of s3 I believe she's at least grown aware that she's sort of trapped herself in this unhealthy cycle of serial monogamy and other patterns of behavior she's avoided addressing in herself because she knows they will be hard to break. There's the sort of pining moments she has over Jamie in s3 that to me are soooo "...what if?" coded, but then she also has so much left unresolved with Roy and is STILL unable to express what she needs and wants from him (as when they sleep together), and then she has the crash of the fallout with Jack, and I think she's come to the conclusion that she's a bit of a mess! Also, she sees that Jamie has changed, that Roy is in the process of change, and it sort of makes her feel like she's the one suddenly in last place. Like she put her all efforts into fixing other people and didn't realize she needed to fix herself, too. So in that sense, i think s3 leaves both her and Roy in a position where they want to do better by themselves first, with an underlying hope that they then may reconnect again in the future in a romantic sense.

I also think I'm maybe in the minority in that s2 made me incredibly ready for roykeeley to break up, because I thought they very much needed that to prompt some realizations about themselves. By mid-s3 I was also actively rooting for them not to be thrown back together at the end, because the slow pace of their individual growth meant that no way were they in a position to make their relationship a fresh success, yet (and actually, I hated how they wrote Keeley's s3 arc, and I think it was a strange choice to spiral her lower in the final season instead of giving her the sort of growth they gave to Roy, so that none of what I wrote about in the prior paragraph is explicitly stated for her. I think that self reflection is there at the end, but it's farrrrr too subtle). Ultimately though, I see all of that and the open-ended finale as MORE hopeful for the future possibility of ot3. They're going to do right for themselves, work to be the people they want to be for one another, finally have the conversations they NEED to have when they are both at last ready to have them, bring Jamie into the mix, as is needed (😁) and do a hell of a lot better when they try the relationship over again! That's the way I see it anyway, as incredibly hopeful and full of possibilities, not doomed.

Anyway, I'm sorry the finale ruined them for you :( For what it's worth, I think "we've got these people who we want to be together, and the show's final takeaway was that actually, we spent 3 seasons watching them basically being in a bad, dysfunctional relationship or ex-relationship," is too cynical! The show's final takeaway to me was that we can all strive to be better for one another and for ourselves. Obviously these three ARE totally dysfunctional at many points of the show (which to me is part of the fun) but they're also trying, and they also ultimately care so so deeply about each other, and that never goes away for any of them. Sure, there are a lot of moments when the RK (or the RJ, or the JK) relationship was bad. But there were also many moments where they were so beyond right for one another, too, moments where they were good. And the promise of the final barbecue scene for me is that there are going to be more of those sorts of moments for the three of them in the future than the bad ones. 💕

[drelmurn]

Rambling unprompted book retrospective on book I read like five years ago

So I looked up A Discovery of Witches to see what was up with the author because I saw an exhibit on alchemy at a museum today, and reminded me of it, and of the fact that I learned the term palimpsest from it, and the Wikipedia articles says "The novel began as a "thought experiment" for Harkness, who had previously only published works of historical non-fiction. She drew upon her academic background as a historian and her studies of alchemy, magic, and the occult." Which. I can 100% see. I don't actually know much about alchemy specifically, but looking back and with more experience, what I can remember of it did feel like academia.l

. . . I wonder what dark academia people think of it. From what I vaguely remember from a video I watched about dark academia, it might fit the dark academia as a setting, but not as a genre? More like, I want to say urban fantasy but it's not super city based so maybe just modern fantasy, fantasy. (I feel like there's a name for that, but I don't know what it is. But it's whatever the term is for all the modern fiction with vampire and probably werewolves and sometimes other creatures that not urban)

The show definitely reminded me of Twilight, though I think I only managed to watch 4 episodes before Mom got distracted. I remember it with a lot of blues, not quite as blue filtered, but a lot of blues, and definitely some sense of vampire stalking and MC irresistability.

Anyway, my main takeaway is still palimpcest, and also the book really made me like the name Philipe.

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC REVIEW: The House at Watch Hill by Karen Marie Moning

3.75/5. 10/1/2024.

vibes: urban fantasy, lightly gothic, witchy bloodlines, vampires

Heat Index: 3/10

The Basics:

After the shocking death of her mother, Zo Gray is broke and directionless--until she gets a call from a lawyer realizing that a previously unknown relative left her a massive inheritance in Divinity, Louisiana. Before the house and the money is officially hers, however, she has to live in this intimidating, mysterious home--and put up with the suspicious townspeople--alone for three years. She can hardly say no--and the groundskeeper is quite hot--but Zo can't ignore the odd happenings in the mansion. Like doors that go to nowhere. And what about the secrets surrounding her lineage? They could be more mysterious than she'd possibly imagine..

The Review:

Okay, so first off--for the purposes of my blog, just have to make it clear: this isn't a romance novel. It was categorized as such on NetGalley, and I do (as someone who hasn't read Karen Marie Moning before) believe that the author has a reputation as a romance novelist. But this isn't one. Like, there are romantic setups--potentially more than one. There is sex. And there is more to be seen in the next book, I imagine. As of now, however, this is much more about urban fantasy witchcraft than it is about the love story.

So, while I do think there definitely could've been more development devoted to characters like Devlin and his dynamic with Zo... What was clearly more important to the story was Zo's relationship with her late mother, her dynamic with her friend Este (which I loved) and the mysterious attorney James Balfour.

I really liked Zo as a protagonist--she's not a shrinking violet, but she also isn't this Headstrong Female Protagonist. She's struggled in life, she's looking for safety and security, and she's ready to jump on a good opportunity, even if it's pretty creepy. I relate to that--and I think a lot of people in their twenties and thirties for that matter will relate to that, especially during the tough times we've been going through economically as a nation. Her love for her mother and pain over her loss is palpable--I'm fortunate enough to still have my mom, but it was really visceral and made me a bit emotional. Based on the dedication at the beginning of the novel, this entire story felt deeply personal, and I respect that.

As I said before, this was my first Karen Marie Moning book. I like her writing style--even when the pace of the story isn't super fast, the actual texture and tone is, if that makes sense? It keeps you reading, it keeps you compelled. I do typically enjoy a good bit more romance in a story, but I was by no means bored or frustrated here.

I also really liked the worldbuilding with regard to the witches. It was quite fun, and seemed to me a blend of more recent urban fantasy trends and more Witch Classic stuff. Which worked for me as someone who enjoys Witch Classic. The vampires could have used more explanation and expansion, but based on the ending of this book, I do think that will happen.

The Sex:

I did find this kind of frustration. One of the thing the book establishes early, which I really liked, was that Zo is very unapologetically sexual. She's more sexual than she is romantic, and you don't see that too often, even now, with female leads. There's no shame; it's very sex positive.

But like... the sex scenes are basically just described vaguely in retrospect. I wouldn't call it closed door, but it's pretty close. And because they're described as so mind-blowing, and because sex is actually kind of important to the magic and the story here... I felt a little thrown off. I also know, based on what other people have shown me and discussed about KMM's other books, that this is probably a shift. At least from her notable works. So I was a little let down there.

That said, if you're good with low heat sex scenes, or for that matter just don't care either way, it'll be totally irrelevant. By no means does it damage the book's quality, I just do think there are expectations that should be set and that's what reviews are for!

Overall, this is an entertaining, well-paced read that's perfect for October. If you're into witches, you're going to be pleased--and I definitely want to read more from this author (and the next in the series).

Thanks to NetGalley and William Morrow for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[voidhollow]

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD predominantly inattentive type. I always suspected it or something like it, it's always been difficult for me to learn at a good pace and I feel like I take forever to do anything at all. It puts a lot of my life into perspective, I told my mom and she told me about how hard it was to school me as a child and how I wouldn't sit still or listen or pay attention to my studies. She said she always thought it was weird, but didn't do any research.

For the most part, I can function pretty well and am well-adjusted, and a lot of that is because I have a fair amount of habits that allow me to get things done without having to pay much attention to what I am doing. However, I've struggled to pay attention to and focus on learning new things even when I'm really interested in them.

I think in retrospect I actually mask some of my symptoms and I think that's exhausting to do constantly. I think part of it is also being quiet and being very introverted, just some thoughts.

I was having a lot of fatigue and on my labs, everything always came back normal, I recently got a DO as my new doctor and we did a LOT of tests, after they were normal he asked if I'd ever been tested for ADD, I hadn't so he told me how to get it done and I did. I wasn't very surprised when it came back positive but I was happy to have a diagnosis for SOMETHING after all these years. I realized that the fatigue I've been dealing with has mostly been mental and less physical based. So I've been working on trying to figure out which one I'm feeling and how to word it properly.

My doctor did give me medication that I started taking as needed this week, and the difference is huge so far. Like I can just sit down and focus on something and feel like I'm making progress, and it doesn't feel painful to work on tasks. I've also not had crashes as of yet when it was off. Like I can feel it slowly wearing off, but I can still think pretty well and pay attention overall. I really hope it continues to be a good and helpful experience.

I also like that I don't feel the need to have caffeine when on my meds, quitting caffeine has been on my goal list for 2023. Overall I've gotten down to less than 100mg a day, usually, I have between 25mg and 70mg. Overall less caffeine equals less anxiety, and it's been ages since caffeine actually made me feel awake and mentally focused.

[emmanelson]

Chapter 3: Feelings and First Times

A little prequel that takes place during 2.01-2.02 when Devi is dating both Ben and Paxton. The first time they have sex, it isn’t in a friends-with-benefits relationship. It’s bordering on the brink of something real, something special, at least in Paxton’s retrospect.

tw: rated M for sexual content 

In the days that followed Devi deciding to date both Ben and Paxton, their relationship moved at a quicker pace than expected. Paxton meant what he said by wanting to make the time they still had together count, even if it would only be for a couple more weeks. So when Devi is invited to the Hall-Yoshida household that Friday night with the implicit instruction to stay over, she tells her mom she is sleeping over at Eleanor’s and is maybe even a little too eager to get there, the walk feels more like a sprint. They had tried taking the next step a few times, and then realized they wanted to live long enough to actually see each other, so doing it at the Vishwakumar residence was out of the question.

She isn’t expecting much, a pizza, maybe some video games in the garage and then she’d retire to Rebecca’s room and try to raid her closet unsuccessfully. But what she arrived at was a whole other story.

She was greeted at the door with a long, slow kiss and Paxton’s lit up face as he ushered her inside.

“We’ve gone on enough dates for me to get that it means one on one, so tonight it’s just us.” He was biting the inside of his cheek.

“Do you have protection?”

“Yeah I-Why, do you?” Leave it to Devi to be the first one to bring up sex. She did say that Paxton brought out her mega-horny side after all, and never thought she would actually get this close to having sex before being moved halfway around the world.

“Yeah, I kind of panicked and asked Kamala to buy me some at the drug store and drop it off a block away so my mom didn’t catch on.” For talking a big game, Devi knew next to nothing about sex. She only knew what she saw in tv shows, read about in weird Wattpad-fanfiction-turned-best-selling-novels, and researched on the internet. She had tried watching porn once but she clicked play when her airpod was off and you couldn’t pay her to relive that experience and the horror of her mom asking what she was doing.

“I kinda asked my parents to take Becca out for the night. I wanna show you something.” Paxton lightly took her head as they walked up the staircase towards his bedroom. Not the garage, not the couch, his room.

“If this is going to be one of the last weekends we have together, I wanted it to be special and shit.” She had been in Paxton’s room before, but had never seen it so clean, and was that the smell of fresh sheets? Upon taking in Devi’s widened gaze, he quickly backtracked and shook his head vigorously. “Not that we have to fool around or do anything that you don’t want to.”

Devi was shaking her head and stifling a laugh for a whole other reason.

“I just wanted you to have something that was something out of the stupid chick-flicks that Becca makes me watch. Something that you can think about while you’re in India and I’m stuck here. I had to use these dumb environmentally friendly light bulbs that my mom buys because the last time we had real candles, there was an incident with Trent and the house almost burned down.”

He had lit candles, or at least light bulbs in the shape of candles, ushered his family out of the house and seemed rather hesitant about asking for sex. She couldn’t believe this was her life right now. Her relationship with Paxton had always been somewhat based on physical attraction. When they first talked and she asked him for sex, to when they started dating and moved onto beyond chaste kisses and lingering touches over clothes to long makeout sessions and bruised lips and body parts.

If anything it only made her want him more and she eagerly hooked her arms around his neck. “This is perfect. More than perfect actually, you didn’t have to go through all the trouble, but I’m glad you did.”

Normally Devi was the one rambling and Paxton was the one initiating things between them, it was kind of a rush to be on the other side of things for a change.

“I want my first time to be with you, here, just like this.” She whispered against his mouth, watching as his lips curved upwards into a wide smile.

He took his time kissing her, familiarizing himself with her body, teasing things out in her that she figured laid dormant. He was moving so slow that Devi was getting frustrated as they fell back onto his bed.  

“I know I’m the virgin here, but doesn’t it usually move a lot quicker than this?” She was trying to unbutton his jeans, lift up his shirt to feel his abs, anything to speed things up but Paxton simply continued pushing his tongue past her lips and making her head spin.

A hand snaked under her shirt and Devi immediately moved to cover her breasts, insecurity surfacing at the worst time.

“What’s wrong?”

“I know I have small boobs and I’m not like Zoe or Shira levels of hotness. So if this isn’t, you know up to par with the sex you usually have, I understand.”

Paxton only furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Did she really not know how he felt about her?

“Not only are you beautiful on the outside, but you’re gorgeous on the inside, something that they...are lacking.”

His words always made her flush, and this time was no exception. “I like your body. Now can I continue to appreciate it the way it deserves?” He chuckled under his breath and with one hand, grabbed both of hers and pinned them above her head. Her eyes widened in surprise and anticipation, she bit down on her bottom lip and if things weren’t already well on their way, he would have muttered something about wanting to do very dirty things to her. Repeatedly.  

“If this is the first time, and quite possibly the last time we have to do this, you better believe that I am going to be taking my time with you.” He caught her lower lip with his teeth, slowing his movements which only made a whine emit from deep in her throat.

Paxton’s free hand moved between her legs and brushed her core through her underwear. Without breaking eye contact he moved her panties aside and inserted one finger into her, and then another.

The sudden pressure made Devi suck in a breath, no amount of YA novels or research could have prepared her for what it would actually feel like. Her whole body lit up, as if she was covered in gasoline and Paxton had lit a match, starting a fire that only seemed to spread.

“So tight.” His breath came out ragged, his jeans tightening against him. Paxton thought that guys thought about sex more than girls, and he hadn’t heard anything to the contrary until he met Devi. She had stared at him one too many times past the point of charming and made remarks about wanting to “climb him like a jungle gym.” Mostly through text to Fabiola and Eleanor that he may have happened to stumble upon when he used her phone to play Candy Crush.

In the days that followed their kiss in the park, Paxton wanted to nail his next history while Devi made it increasingly difficult to concentrate with all the short skirts she would wear, and don’t forget about the constant sexual innuendos she would make that went over his head because they had to do with whatever subject they were learning about.  

“Is this okay?” He asked, his eyes searching hers for any hint of hesitation. One word, and he would gladly stall his movements. “Do you want me to stop?”

“No, just go faster. I want more of you. All of you.”

This night was all about making her comfortable, making sure she was getting the most out of this, that her needs were met. A selfish part of him hoped that if he made a lasting impression, she wouldn’t come back from India with a smarter, hotter, boyfriend or worse, fiance. His fears only made his grip on her tighten and tilt her chin up so she was forced to meet his eyes.

“Tell me, in words or else I’ll just assume and that’s a really shitty thing to do.” He spoke slowly, deliberately as her eyes fixated on his chest.

“I want you inside of me.”

Paxton breathed out a sigh of relief, or was Devi breathing out her own? He withdrew his hand and her body instantly shivered at the loss of contact. Within the time it took for him to shake off his jeans, Devi had regained control of her hands and grabbed a fistful of his T-shirt into her hands, yanking it over his head in record time.  

“Do you want me to touch you?”

“Shh, this is about making you feel good.” He mumbled into her hair, dragging his lips towards her ear as she ground her hips into his. He took a condom out of his jeans pocket and rolled it on before positioning himself in between her legs.

He pushed into her slowly, the movements stilling as Devi dug her nails into his back in retaliation. She grimaced at the feeling, her body was tightly wound up and only when Paxton began to move his body at a quicker pace, did hers relax in response.

They laid in bed after, Devi’s legs felt like the jello and even if she had to be home in a few hours, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to walk without falling or at least looking like a klutz. “Is that a picture of Gigi Hadid on your ceiling?”

Now it was Paxton’s turn to almost flush to an unseemly red color.

“I’ve had that up there forever, just forgot to take it down that’s all.”

“Do you look at it when you, you know?”

“I was just inside you Vishwakumar, I think we’re as intimate as two people can be. You can say the word masturbate.”

“Well, do you?” She pressed, ignoring the way nerves once more fluttered against her stomach. “Do you ever think of me, when you touch yourself?”

“If only you knew.” He murmured against her neck, not wanting to give away just how many nights he spent relieving himself to the memory of their first kiss, or more recently, to their makeout sessions that didn’t just leave her hot and bothered, but him as well. “That was your first time right?”

“Is it that obvious? Should I just have had the word virgin written across my forehead?”

“I think it’s cool that you waited or whatever. Did what was right for you.”

“Why? What was your first time like?” Devi didn’t want to pry, or ask something too personal, but she would be lying if she said she wasn’t curious.

“Um, I think I was 14.”

“14? As in like freshman year of high school?” That was one year younger than her current age, it made bile rise to her throat at the thought.

“Eighth grade. It was the summer before high school and the JV and Varsity swim teams invited us incoming freshmen to a party, to get to know each other and whatnot. It was chaperoned by this one guy’s sister, I think she was 21. Her name was Stacey or Stephanie, something with an S. She brought us all beer and acted cooler than any of our parents at the time.” Devi didn’t say anything, but silently nodded and urged him to continue.

“Anyway, one night like the first week of school, we all get wasted right? Some more than others I guess, because I woke up not remembering anything that happened or even how I got so intoxicated. I was mostly drinking Coke the entire night, with some rum here and there sure, but nothing too extreme. I passed out on the couch and when I woke up, she was on top of me, stroking my hair, touching me, and telling me to stay quiet so we didn’t wake anyone up.”

“I-Is that all?” Her eyes were wide, almost glassy, and Paxton instantly felt years older than her. Like she was too innocent to be hearing this and yet here he was, exposing her to it anyway. Exposing her to the harsh reality that he didn’t want her to know, yet she was already familiar with after what happened to her dad.

“She started whispering in my ear. Tell me how I seemed really mature for my age and how college boys are so rowdy and they didn’t listen to her like I did. I don’t even remember us having any kind of in-depth conversation.” His voice dropped to a low whisper. “She said that it wasn’t cool to go into high school as a virgin, especially if you were a guy. The other guys on the swim team would just turn it into some kind of contest to see who could get laid the fastest. She said I would have a leg up on all of them and be able to show off.”

A bitter chuckle passed through his lips. “Except, I didn’t feel superior or like a man or wanted, I just felt empty.”  

“Did you tell anyone?”

“Only Trent.”

Not wanting to sound rude, Devi bit her tongue and remained nonchalant. “Is Trent really the best person to be telling your secrets to?”

“He’s actually cool once you get to know him, okay? He told me that if I wanted to go to the cops and quote ‘make her a prison bitch’ unquote that he would back me up. He may act stoned 90% of the time, but he has a good heart. I trust him with my life.”

“Did um, did you ever see her again?” She asked patiently, as her fingers ran up and down the length of his torso.

“At that point, it didn’t matter. When I got back to school on Monday everyone had heard, turned me into the big man on campus and whatnot, whether I earned the title or not. I wish I had waited, you know? For my first time to be with someone that I really cared about.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I know I’ve been with other girls before and you know, I’m some ladies man or shit. But that’s all it was you know, just sex. It’s isn’t like that with you.”

“Well if it makes you feel any better, this was better than what I had in mind. It was better than any rom-com or YA novel.”

“This doesn’t mean nothing okay? It would never mean nothing, not with you.”

Devi immediately wanted to correct his use of a double negative, but she refrained. She was speechless, too raw, first from the sex they just had and then hearing Paxton’s story. She was touched that he felt comfortable sharing such a private event with her.

“Would you have done things different? Your first time I mean.” She asked quietly, finding her voice again after letting all the information she had just heard sink in.

“Well I definitely would have waited to do it when I was sober.”

“Everyone deserves a second change, a do-over. And you aren’t drunk or high or impaired in any way right now are you?”

“No.”

“So take your do-over.” Sure she didn’t handle her own trauma in the best manner, but she was surprisingly insistent in helping others overcome their own turmoil. Plus with her big brown eyes, Paxton felt like he was saying no to Bambi.

“Dev-”

“I want you to feel good.” His own words hung in the air between them uttered by her soft voice, only a silent nod of his head and Devi had pressed her lips against his and rolled them over so she was now flush against his chest. “We can go as painfully slow as you want.”

“So now you aren’t in a rush to jump me?” The warmth in his features returned, he seemed to have a genuine smile on his face and was raising an eyebrow at her in slightly amusement.

“Something tells me this won’t be the last time, we’ll get there.”

[muffinlance]

Newish reader but I've been loving your work SO MUCH, and subsequently craving more of that brand of story-feels. So a) THANK YOU for writing and for sharing your work, it is SO LOVELY, and b) do you uh... do you have any random book recs? (Already looked through your list of fic bookmarks on ao3.) (P.S. Thank you again, your found family feels are so *chef's kiss* good, and your reluctant or not-so-reluctant dad!characters are all SUCH GOOD DADS.)

Do I have book recs

DO I EVER

The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell: we pick up an alien song coming from a nearby star. While governments debate what to do, the Jesuits fund an expedition. Do NOT look up plot summaries, it is way too easy to get spoiled on this one. Beautiful writing, vividly human humans, alien-yet-understandable aliens. Trigger warning: rape.

Lovecraft Country by Matt Ruff: 1960s America. A black family deals with racism and Eldritch horrors, and fucking kills it. Sometimes literally. Trigger warning: people being racist assholes. Author is African American themselves, and the black characters have hella agency. Also Lovecraft-typical horror.

Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel: who wants to read about a plague apocalypse during a plague apocalypse? THIS GIRL. Trigger warnings: implied rape, some underage, and lots of death. NOT a grimdark apocalypse though.

Everything by Ted Chiang. Short story writer, most famous for "Story of your life", which the movie Arrival is based on. "Understand" and "Exhalation" are also amazing, and his work is pretty easy to find online. This dude. This dude is my role model. No particular trigger warnings.

Anything by Neil Gaiman, he's famous enough I doubt I need to elaborate. No particular trigger warnings unless you pick up the Sandman graphic novels (highly recommended), and then All The Trigger Warnings, especially in volume one.

Raptor Red by Robert T. Bakker: who likes novels about dinosaurs written by actual paleontologists? DEFINITELY THIS GIRL. I went through a phase in childhood where I read this thing pretty much everyday. Still holds up as an adult. Trigger Warnings: it's about nature, things die and/or get eaten lots.

The Last Whales by Lloyd Abbey: another childhood favorite that in retrospect was Not For Children. The apocalypse, from the point of view of whales. Trigger warning: hopeful ending, but RL-typical Humans Being Awful To Oceans. And it is an apocalypse story, plus a nature story, so. Things die. Things get eaten. Orcas are dicks.

The Mote in God's Eye by Jerry Pournelle and Larry Niven: ridiculously engaging first contact book. Also who the heck was letting me pick books as a child? (No one, that's who. I was an INDEPENDENT THIRD GRADER and you COULDN'T STOP ME. ...Except from reading Moby Dick, which definitely got me mocked too much in the classroom so I didn't get past chapter one until adulthood.) I read this in like, sixth grade, I do not accurately recall trigger warnings.

Warriors Don't Cry by Melba Pattillo Beals: autobiography of one of the Little Rock Nine. Trigger Warnings: All The Racism. That's kind of the point.

Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been? by Joyce Carol Oates: short story, easy to find, had a ridiculous impact upon my childhood and writing for a story I didn't read until adulthood (my mom read it long ago in college, and told me of a man in ill-fitting boots that might or might not have been hiding cloven hooves. This was a Very Influential Image.) Recommender Chose Not To Apply Trigger Warnings. Nothing graphic.

The Paper Menagerie by Ken Liu: another short story that you can have LeVar Fucking Burton read to you, it is so soothing. PS LeVar Burton (of Star Trek TNG and Reading Rainbow fame) has a podcast. He reads you stories. You should be listening. Trigger warnings: racism and assimilationist themes.

The Ballad of Black Tom by Victor LaValle: in which a black writer has WAY too much fun deconstructing the magical negro trope and the inherent racism in Lovecraft's writing and I am HERE for it. The malicious glee in this book is top notch. Same warnings as for Lovecraft Country.

Ursula K. Le Guin, everything. My first intro to her was Earthsea, she's also quite famous for The Left Hand of Darkness. Google by book for warnings.

The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle: had your heart broken by the movie as a child? Prepare to be good-hurt in EVEN MORE WAYS! No particular warnings.

The Girl Who Drank the Moon by Kelly Barnhill: it's just nice and I like it okay? No particular warnings.

My wrist hurts from swiping and I'm at the end of my history in Libby and there is a baby sleeping on me so I can't go upstairs and look at my bookshelf, so this list is complete. Return to me when you need more.

[hirokiyuu]

BEAT AITSF thoughts (and spoilers obvs!) under hte cut

overall v enjoyable!!!! i thought it was both very zany and very well done as a mystery, which is to say that there was a fuckton of absolutely fucking insane shit that was still foreshadowed to the point i guessed date was in someone else’s body VERY early on LOLOLOL i actually guessed quite a few twists (iris being deathly ill, date was falco before etc) but it was still v satisfying to see them unfold and there was enough batshit Uchikoshi Fuckery (tm) to make it v fun!!!!

mizuki was my fave character by quite a lot LOL her route was probably my fave. her somnium w/date ;___; i liked iris and date’s dynamic but i wasnt super big on her as a Character if that makes sense ghlkashglkhs felt too hard like she was meant to be Loveable and that ended up turning me off her LKGHLSKHDGLKHSGD extremely funny bc in retrospect i realized the times i liked her best were when. she wasnt even iris but was saito in iris’s body GLKHALKSHGLKASHG SORRY IRIS

ota i kind of wanted to grab by the neck and shake. multiple times. actually thinking abt this i kind of still want to which is ironic bc one of the three times i cried was his route (his moms somnium) MAYUMISAN TRIES SO HARD FOR U BRO............. BRO........................ the other two times i cried were a) mizuki route (a lot) and b) tadaima/okaeri aiba/date LOL

aiba/date in general........... was really good i love bodysharing i love ppl being idiots together i like how she both gave him shit and played along w/whatever dumb shit was coming out of his mouth it was so good. when magnemite combines to form magneton their brains combine but They Don’t Get Any Smarter. VERY good dynamic i like them a lot

tbh a lot of the characters were most appealing ot me in Dynamics rather than individually. aiba/date duo peak iris+date duo peak ota+saito as iris duo. Peak. Very Peak. Wait I’m Having A Horrible Idea, Sorry For This Dead Dove I Might Write. speaking of dead doves what the fuck pewter and okiura were boyfriends........ the subtlety of it was Good also wtf i was upset abt the watch stuff HE GOT SO UPSET BC IT WAS A GIFT FROM.............. PEWTER HIS GAY BOYFRIEND IM SO MAD ABT HOW MUCH I LIKE THIS

uhhhhh other things i wanted to talk abt. i think overall the theming of eyes was very well done it tied everything up very nicely. the fact that the psync machine was based on the eye of horus was a nice touch that really brought a lot of the mythology etc stuff into line. good shit

localization was also v well done i was listening to the a-set fanchant lines in jpns and i was like. Wow This Must’ve Been Hell To Translate. in general it was good tho.......... some parts were a little awkward but c’est la vie. a-set being translated to tesa instead of asettonchan makes sense but that was the one that kept bugging me when i heard it I GET WHY BUT

anyways. good game i will buy nirvana initiative when its no longer full price probably. i dont think i will go back and 100% it when i also just bought disco and also might snag triangle strategy over summer break but we shall see...... u never know where life leads u

[not-poignant]

hello! *peruses unasked flower asks* ummm, if you could give me a Canna, Cock’s Comb ehheeh, Common Boneset, Norwegian Angelica and Rosemallows please! :)

(Okay I love that little eheh at cock's comb tho)

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?

*

I do! A giant 'RESIST' in capital letters down the inside of my right wrist, that I actually got long before any actual 'resist' movements over the past few years. I got it around my 21st birthday (actually like a year later) mostly to mark all the things that I'd already survived at that point, and how much of my life philosophy is based off a position of resistance - resisting wanting to kill myself, resisting the darkest paths, resisting my own body when it grows tumours, and so on.

As it's aged, its lost some of it's sharp corners and stuff, but I still like it, though I mostly forget its there now. I'd like to get more tattoos at some point, but money is a big barrier, they're not cheap! (Which is good, because hopefully it means tattoo artists are being paid well).

*

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

*

I don't really know. I use Times New Roman the most while writing (I know, I know), so I guess that's my favourite because I'm voluntarily staring at it for hours and hours every single day. I hate Calibri and often have to force-change documents to another font to be able to edit them, if they come to me in that font. But I also used to write in Calibri, until I had the revelation that I hated writing in Calibri, lmao.

When I was a teenager, and had far less fonts to choose from, I was a passionate fan of Courier New and that's still my favourite font to set poetry in, which I think is an 'old habits die rather hard' thing, lmao.

*

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

*

I'm looking forward to thunderstorms, whenever they next come.

I'm looking forward to going down south with my mother, though I'm apprehensive about it too, and hope it goes well. I expect it will be exhausting, and an experience, and worthwhile. That's the end of July.

I'm looking forward to a week to myself and I'm not sure when I'll get one.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow (at least right now).

I'm looking forward to the next time we go to Kumo and have more of those Japanese souffle pancakes because souffle pancakes.

I'm looking forward to going to bed tonight.

*

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

*

I've always had...an interesting relationship with my mother. Though it's very good now. But there are lots of long stories I'm going to cut short here and say that around 11 or 12 years ago I was fed up, and sent Mum a lengthy email (because I couldn't trust I'd be able to speak clearly in person without breaking down and crying) saying that if she didn't get on board with acknowledging the PTSD and where it came from, and didn't confront her own demons in that, I was going to walk away from her and our relationship for good, and I already had my estranged relationship with my father to prove that I wasn't bluffing.

In retrospect, this probably sounds like an incredibly cruel thing to do, but I can't describe to you the years before that, my childhood, the things that led to me making this decision. Only that when I made it, I didn't know what else to do.

But then the most amazing thing happened, and unlike about anyone else in my family at the time, Mum got therapy, and she got help, and she faced her demons, and she decided that she was going to learn about her child instead of doing what she'd been doing in the past. And from there we grew a real relationship. And quite a few years ago now, we started catching up once a week, every (usually) Friday morning.

She's one of my best friends now, I love her to pieces, her bravery and courage in being willing to face up to some hard truths (including - among others - that my father and her husband was abusive), as well as her sheer strength recently going through breast cancer with such humour and grace only a short period after I went through my own cancer journey, like, she's such a role model to me.

I could never have expected that. I loved my Mum growing up, but I never felt like she knew or saw me as a person, which I don't actually blame her for, she sure was Going Through It herself, in a way that I could not appreciate fully as a child, because she protected us from those realities that she experienced and suffered through as best as she could. And now I think she really does try, as I try to meet her where she is in turn. And we see each other as people, not as family roles, and that to me...has an ineffable, lovely quality. Which is, incidentally, why I'm taking her down south for her birthday, so we can spend even more time together.

*

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

*

I don't know that I have one. Oh wait, I think...I do, so let's just preface this first though.

The problem I have here is that I've had a life full of depression and PTSD (no literally, my post-trauma started showing in early childhood), and both things can actually cause memory loss or poor memory coherence (unless the memories are traumatic! Do not recommend).

However, I have a glimpse of a memory between me, Glen and Putu, shortly before Putu was bound to leave for Melbourne (for good, he hasn't come back except to visit), where we spent the whole day together, except a break in the afternoon for me to sleep, because true facts - I cannot get through a day without sleeping for several hours in the afternoon.

There was something so golden and perfect about that day. I remember startlingly for me, sitting on the couch and tired and sore (we'd spent the day going to dim sum and then later walking around Kings Park) basking in a feeling I couldn't recall having felt before, and then I think I turned to Putu and Glen and said with some amazement, 'I think I feel content.' And Putu and Glen were like '...yeah...and?' and later I had to admit to Glen I'd never felt the feeling before. Golden and soft, like a cloud.

I think I've felt it once more since then, but I don't remember when. And I don't think I'd felt it before then, either. I would not wish my brain chemistry on anyone. But I'm very glad I got to share that moment with Putu, who is a very close member of my chosen family, for all that I don't get to see him very often anymore.

I can't strongly recall the feeling of the emotion itself. I remember describing it to myself in my head, in complete sentences, and those are the sentences I'm sharing to you now, because my verbal memory is much better than my emotional memory (I have quite serious alexithymia, which would surprise no one, but it's better than it used to be).

And I am relieved that my brain did actually hang onto the moment, mostly because I chanted to myself like a prayer: please don't forget this please don't forget this please don't forget this remember your position on the couch remember where Putu is sitting remember where Glen is sitting remember what you said and remember the time of day and remember what came before.

And, now, I do.

*

From the flower asks meme!

[icecreamkink]

watched all of the untamed / cql in two weeks after my friend 1 told me abt mdzs a hundred years ago and my friends 2 and 3 tried to get me into cql for like two whole years and there are.

feelings.

very first scene is a very dramatic death in the middle of nightmare battle on sith planet land . i will forget abt it in the next tenish episodes and then will be very surprised when it becomes Extremely Painful

anyway magic flying gays and possession and human sacrifice! we are off to a great start

in retrospect, chaos goblin wei wuxian must have had a blast pretending to be so cRaZy and be as disruptive as he could as mo xuanyu lbr

listen. why is fire always evil coded. cant a magic clan wear red, black and orange and have flame motif while being wholesome?

For Legal Reasons These Are Not Zombies

i wish the politics of the sect were a bit clearer, especially at the beggining when the wen clan had sm power, was wen ruohan the chief cultivator? is that why they were so slow in responding to the attacks? im v confused by the pre yiling patriarch politics

fighting in the roof by the moonlight as way of flirtiiiiiiing. as i understand this is a wuxia/xianxia trope and honestly...... thank u for ur service

slight bullying and being a nuisance in general, as a way of flirting we love to see it

wwx: if i drink on the rooftop, thats not inside the cloud recesses! hmmm check and mate :D lwj: i will fuck u up so help me god   wwx: :0

i lov them

through hell or high water (quite literally) wei wuxian rem ains a trashfire gremlin till the end and i love him with my whole heart

in the pt subs wei wuxian calls jiang cheng a stubborn duck and i dearly wish that had come back

my opinions on almost every character goes from love to hate u - Hmm Me Like U - BABY. ILY. and i am Very Pleased w that. its been a while since i loved such a complete cast so much i think

no really. i WONT go into a detailed rant abt what i love about each of these characters and each of their relationships to each other. but i COULD. 

some lan disciples in the loudest whisper ever: YEAH THATS THE JIN BASTARD MENG YAO HEARD THE GOT SUPER HUMILIATED BY HIS DAD LOL SURE HOPE HE DOESNT TAKE SLIGHTS TO HIS CHARACTER TO HEART

lan xichen, immediately: i must Love him 

being into problematic ppl is in the Lan genetics, we come to realize

wen qing deserves so many awards for so many things but not snapping and just stabbing wen chao is at the top 

that scene at lan qirens class where wwx talks about using resentful energy to fight a violent spirit. exquisite.

 It establishes Good Student lan wangji, wei wuxian as curious and questioning and not afraid of taboo,  lwj sees that wwx is not, in fact, a dumb ass hes just a Dumbass,  shows us the audience (esp. a western audience) how shocking the idea of disrupting the dead/dying and controlling resentful energy actually is,  the theoretical foreshadow arguing, everyone else like ‘shUT UP’,  “and how could you ensure that the resentful energy would obey you and not hurt other?” “well i havent thought that far” and of course, lan qiren just straight up lobbing a hard object at wwx head,. chefs kiss

fellas is it gay to bother the hot rule obessessed nerd from ur school and make drawings of him with flowers in his hair and then hide gay porn in his book to antagonize him and ask him to hold ur hand and be ur friend and talk to him all the time and get him drunk and give him bunnies bc you know he likes them and give him a lantern and always want his attention and dedicate yourself to getting him to smile-

and after all of that wwx rly said oh i Admire him, aksd like yeah we all were there in high school buddy

i have Learned. caves = gay.

 accidental marriage +beint physically tied together with the sacred married ribbon+ gay panic+foreshadowing+bunnies! in the cave (1)

the story abt lan yi and baoshan sanren tho. i would like to see it

early days wen bros pull my heart strings like a guqin 

EVERYTHING about the lantern scene; disaster hets jiang yanli and jin zixuan; how wwx made lwj a bunny lantern. how soft and touched lwj was. wwx gleefully pointing out he was smiling and lwj IMMEDIATELY PULLING HIW SWORD ON HIM LMAO. tragically foreshadowy promises to do right by pepople, living without regrets. lwjs 'oh no do i love him??' face. just. all of it. 

i have it on good acc that in the novel lwj is explicitly Repressed Gay Panicked Big Horny which is delightful and rly Adds to the performance

 baby lwj is really just conceal dont feel dont let them know u have EMOTIONS (derogatory)

jiang cheng rly went "why dont.u go play with HIM if u like him so much"

jc and wwx have big BIG annoying sibling energy dont think too hard abt it or youll cry

lotus pier is soo pretty :((((((((((((((((

up until episode 13 you could think this could be a magical ancient chinese gays pride n prejudice w swords and shenanigans ................youre just not prepared for the game of thrones of it all

seriously ha ha ha i cried so much w this show my eyes genuinely swelled up . like. physically. fun timez fun timez

that being said, its hilarious that wen xu goes to cloud recesses like 'come out or ill kill all these hostages' and then DOESNT WAIT FOR AN ASWER AND KILLS THEM ALL IMMEDIATELY. do u know how blackmail works sir

 would like to make it recorded that from day one i was like 'CALL A GODDAMN CULTIVATION G20 THIS ASSHOLE SECT IS LITERALLY MASSACRING YALL!!' and it took them like 3 or 4 massacres to do anything and they STILL sent their heirs into their territory  LIKE

when wwx cites the gusu lan rules to wen chao tho. that rebel/attention whore/cutie pie 'look lan zhan i DID memorize the rules after all' ‘also a big fuck you to the wen sect :D :D’ sweet spot that scene achieves . delicious

all the cultivator young masters being petty af even though they are practically prisoners at the cave is hilarious and i love them

hurt and comfort + gay mistunderstandings + watsonian gay declaration music + accidental evil acquisition! at the cave (2)

its like where do i start? the fact theyre both trapped and kind of heavily injured inside an isolated cave with a murder turtle? wwx gay panicking lwj into coughing up bad blood? lwj being jealous as wwx babbles abt mianmian? telling him he shouldnt play with people and wwx saying he never played him? wwx going Oh. I See what is happening. YOU like mianmian, and lwj absolute done face ??? (iconic) wwx touching the sacred married ribbon Again? the telepathic communication? the sword? WEI WUXIAN ASKING LAN WANGJI TO SING TO HIM AS HE IS PASSING OUT AND LWJ SINGING HIM. THE SONG. HE WROTE. FOR WWX. AND THAT HE CALLED. THEIR SHIP NAME????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

they are SO insufferable pleeeeease

in the words of my friend 1 : “CQL is so gay we were all amazed how it got past the censors Ofc unfortunately it can't be novel level gay But they did their best And we love them for it”

in the theme of songs THIS OST. WUJI HAS BEEN LIVING IN MY MIND RENT FREE SINCE I FIRST HEARD IT the whole ost is so so sO beautiful.

 the costuming in this is also soooo exquisite. the embroidery? the fabrics? the details? how every sect and clan has a distinct style and architecture? (also ik they based each off of dif periods in chinese history which is REALLY fucking cool) just chefs kiss

the direction too!. i enjoy the unusual camera movements and i think they give it that Vibe, also their composition is PARTICULARLY good when it comes to telling the subtext through position of camera/position of character (like nhs off to the side in scenes he at first glance doesnt need to be/ how lwj is often centered when hes Jealous Yearning at wwx being affectionate w other ppl, wwx return from burial mounds etc)

ik madam yu is like Badass Milf Check and shes not getting any mom of the year awards but im delighted at how messy she is. IMAGINE that woman on tiktok

you better have enjoyed gay cave (2) bc its Just Pain from here on out! 

jiang fengmian and madame yu win the Most Dramatic Way to show they do care about each other, actually ..... ever :)

i thought jiang yanli jiang cheng and wei wuxian forcing themselves to escape yunmeng barely holding on after their parents are killed was going to be the height of pain in this show. ha. 

the family dynamics in general on this showwwww, both blood/ adopted/ found families, brotherly bonds and lifelong friendships just. rly. truly. fucked me up. theyre all so important and complicated and well rounded and beautiful and tragic

and beyond being a Win For the Gays im so glad the relationships w wwx and jiang yanli/ wen qing were NOT changed from platonic bc they are so much better like that imo. like maybe if we didnt Live In A Society it wouldnt be so, but the fact wwx and others can love and value them so much and theres nothing romantic or sexual abt it is like. so refreshing. especially @ jyl, with the way he and jc are overprotective of her and shes such a nurturing/care taker figure for them, it would just not vibe as well if they made it romantic

i love that this is a story abt Wei Wuxian, the Yiling Patriarch aka Actual Satan/Boogey Man/Village With/Public Enemy Number One , my dude is literally a necromancer who only dresses in black and has evil smokey black tendrils wafting out of him, but the really edgy one is still jiang cheng, pastel purple fashion icon

and speaking of best/worst siblings wei wuxian and jiang cheng *immediately starts crying* 

The Golden Core Transfer i just. no thots only tears 

wen qing and wen ning putting themselves in so much danger just.... to help them. wn saving jc from wen chao. wq finding a way to get wwx to transfer his core. like thinking about the monumental work these two did to help wwx and jyl and jc... jyl trying so fucking hard to be strong and keep on moving and giver her little brothers comfort after losing everything... jiang cheng. losing his parents and his home and his ability to do anything abt it and his complete desperation and lack of self worth and turning on them with agression  when he didnt realize all that they did for him ... hhhhhhhhhhhhh

me, pointing at the whole cast “i just LOVE them mom!!!”

its sad tho, that BARELY ANY of the women have like.... actual important conversations let alone relationships with each other at all in the story. and like wq and jyl have stayed at the same place for extended periods of time, where wq actively took care of her TWICE,  and still! not one measly convo, nothing! ................ .𝓌ₕᵧ

everyone in this show need a good sip of Self Worth and Stop Sacrificing Yourself juice 

ngl the sword flying looks very dumb 

“a-cheng, please bring a-xian back.” “i will, i promise.” ;-;

the whole calling each other by the More Intimate Version of the name, first as teasing and later as true intimacy. mmmhmmm yes

untamed where everythings the same but wwx evil flute song is eoeo

related that scene when wwx comes back from the burial mounds for the first time w demonic cultivation and he acts all formal and calls lwj hanguang-jun and keeps being evasive and distant and mean and soooooo................. facetious 

and how hes kind of desperately trying to keep intense lwj at bay (A FIRST) and avoiding actually talking to either of them and its all tension ughhh and then he MOCKS his and lwjs relationship, he jokes w him in this like... mean echo of their usual ~banter~ oof 

 and like!!! uncertain but so relieved jc who just HUGS him w no reservations for once and its not like he isnt just as worried as lwj abt wwx and what hes doing, but he chooses in that moment to enjoy getting him back first and mmhmMMMmMm yes (maybe my favorite scene in the whole show? MAYBE SO. ) 

highkey hurt me but also. i might be into mean wwx. i will take no criticism.

lan zhans sad eyes tho :((((((((( 

on one hand i wish we could have seen what happened at the burial mounds but on the other the timeskip adds so much flair to his return so im hnnn

also i love that hes been missing for 3 months reappears kinda melancholic and bloodthirsty and knowing malign tricks and jc is like 'so. are u sad bc of lan wangji'

when ur bae survived the war but he thinks ur evil/ might be evil so you cant kiss :///

hmmm talking at the rooftop under the moonlight not mentioning everything that stands between usssss

they are the two jades of lan and we’ll be the two heroes of yunmeng is the type of line u dont even need to know whats gonna happen to know thats gonna be sad

when they fight wen ruoshan at the nightless city i thought that was the battle we see at the first ep and its not and its so easy and theyre all like ‘yayy we won go wwx!’ i was just. SCREAMS WHAT is gonna HAPPEN

so like. post burial mounds/sunshot campaign pre yiling patriarch wwx is like. ultra arrogant, ultra mocking, peak lil shit and it gave me e v e r y t h i n g i wanted

even tho having the wen prisoners at the targets at phoenix mountain and still having wwx and jzx shooting the arrows was???? so.... tone deaf 

wwx: fucking w demonic energy   jyl: he has never done anything wrong in his life, ever <3 <3 (mood)

the parallels between meng yao/wei wuxian (and even xue yang a bit?) are Seen and they are Valid

wwx post burial mounds: can yall SHUT UP abt the goddamn sword (suibian left the chat)

LIKE truly, we talk abt the angst and yearning with wangxian. but what abt wwx and suibian. xianbian / xianqing angst and comfort 100k

take a shot everytime someone coughs up blood

zidian is simply the coolest spiritual weapon rip to suibian and chenqing and bichen and sendou and baixa........ but tis the truth 

cons: everyones families died in a nightmare war! everyones homes burned to the ground! everyone is traumatized! pros: everyone gets cooler clothes and weapons!!

wen ning and a-yuan and yanli bestest babes squad dont touch me rn

everyone: brooding and fighting                                                                wq and jyl: why dont you try some acupunture/drinking some soup and calm down huh? how abt that bitch?? 

showing the battle/massacre at the nightless city first was genius actually bc then everytime we have a cute scene w yunmeng bros and theyre like 'we'll be together forever! uwu' youre like oh. oh no. oh no no no. 

justice vs lawfulness vs means and ends 👁

jc: stay in the right path and practice the art of the sword                        wx: yeah thats not gonna happen chief

my reaction to wwx renouncing to the sect politics to help the wens was just that elmo burning gif in succession

the dramatic rain. wen qing desperately calling out to wen ning. the ghosts/puppets killing the guards. how terrifying wn actually was while wwx was controlling him :( lwj goeing after him to try and stop him and then he just; he Sees him and understands him even if he cant actually do anything about it other than let them go. 

“there must be somewhere in this earth we can go to :(((((((((”

"IF I HAVE TO FIGHT THEM, I'D RATHER IT BE YOU. DYING BY YOUR HANDS WOULD AT LEAST BE WORTH IT." oh my god oh my god oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddd

also lwjs umbrella is white w black smoke.. .  . nice

yiling patriarch / demonic farming burial mounds settlement is like one of my favorite concepts. they an "EVIL" FARMING COMMUNITY LED BY THE VILLAGE WITCH COME ON

they planted TURNIPS and LOTUS FLOWERS and ONE (1) baby and made lanterns and a common hall :(((((((

wen qing and wei wuxian, baddest bitches and genius science best friends i absolutely LOVED to see it. they rly went ‘is anyone gonna sibling/project partner that’ and didnt wait for an answer

both wwx and jyl getting lotus ponds at the burial mounds and in lanling bc they miss lotus pier ;;;;;;;w

;;;;; wish jyl had actually gone into the burial mounds. we were robbed of jyl and wq meeting again and jyl meeting a-yuan and seeing the settlement and the homes and all ;w; at least jc did go, stab wounds and broken arms and all

wwx like... having thrown his whole life away to help the wens (yeah the sect leaders and jin guangshan in particular wanting his stygian tiger amulet was an Element but still) and not.... necessarily regretting it, but grappling with all of the consequences of it... becoming moody and drepressed at times, missing his family and lotus pier and his friends and probably simply missing being around people and causing trouble, extrovert that he is, lashing out at the wens and at a-yuan, just in general the whole messiness of that experience

the way the resentful energy does affect his temperament is rly nice bc its not too in your face,(i mean outside of the Shaky Hands of Rage) but like he clearly has a much lesser control on his anger and impulsivity (tall order) than both before bm and after hes ressurected

on that note A-YUAN BABIEST BABY BOY BEST BOY

lan zhan being like oh hey there wei ying fancy meeting u and our son here. just passing by u know how it is hmmmmMm and then PLOT TWIST having defied orders to go see him and being punished for it. oof;;

 they habent seen each other in like? a year? and now theyre tgt 10 seconds and are already parenting a child together

also lwj rly kneels down in the snow way too much to be healthy

wwx: calm down guyssss i wont lose control of demonic cultivation omgggg  .   spoiler alert: he loses control of demonic cultivation

did u enjoy cute children? good bc now the Real Pain Begins

jiang yanli and jin zixuan rly out there APROPRIATING both disaster gays AND bury ur gays huh ;w;

i KNEW jin lings birthday was gonna fuck something up but the GASP that left my body when wwx lost control of wn and killed jin zixuan .. . . 

im sorry and thank you aaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAaAAAAA 

when wen ning and wen qing were telling wwx their plan i was saying NO NO NO NO NO NO out loud in despair 

also can we talk abt how wq is definetely talking about only the both of them surrending themselves but then? everyone else just surrenders w them? IT MAKES NO SENSE LIKE WHY WOULD THEY what would be the Point

 sometimes there are some pretty gaping jumps in logic and continuity that are just like                     ?          ?

wwx: oh so when you try to murder me its justified but when i survive through dark magic and murder all of you its a "war crime"

unsurprisingly, his most feral, most spiraling moment talking to the sect leaders on the roof and attacking them and even fighting lan zhan is among my favorite scenes... its like, so painful to watch but also   so       thrilling   (and maybe my wen bbs dying arose some resentful energy in me what can i say) 

and its JUST, all they ever wanted was to do good but then... war. and trauma. and hubris. 

jiang cheng on the ground clearly thorn between what to do and feel is a Mood, lets just say

i was already crying when jyl showed up, but if i wasnt-

 i suffered SO MUCH through this series trying to figure out WHY jc would kill wwx. and when i understood. its somehow not as bad as i thought and also MUCH MUCH WORSE

a look into my group chat during the last flashback episodes:

SO ANYWAY. after the BLOOD BATH and RIPPING YOUR HEART OUT and FEEDING IT TO YOU  the untamed goes ‘ayy back to the present!! tu du dud ud du’ 

literally it ends a quarter into an episode and then KEEPS GOING i had to pause and stare blankly at the ceiling for an hour

babie cultivators and detective soulmates . i do need some cute after All of That 

(not that the pain is over LOL)

lwj is significantly less emotionally repressed in the present and its delightful. hes just ALL IN with wwx. and not just in the ‘i would and have killed various men and risked my reputation for you’ but also ‘ur tired here have a drink i brought it up cause i know u like it and it want you to be happy, always’

“when everyone praised me and wanted my power, you were the only one that challenged me. now that everyone hates me and wants me dead, youre the only one that stands by my side.” hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

and just filling in the blanks how lan zhan searched for him. for all of those 16 years he searched for him and was punished for it and raised a-yuan, the only survivor of the burial mounds settlement, as his own in gusu......

and jiang cheng.  being the tough love uncle . having raised the yunmeng jiang clan from the rubble all alone, his whole family dead, some of it on the blame of his own brother, his siblings, his closest friends gone.......and only jin ling there needing his guidance. 

THE PARALLEL BETWEEN JIN LING BEING A LIFELINE FOR JIANG CHENG AND A-YUAN FOR LAN WANGJI AFTER THE BATTLE AT THE NIGHTLESS CITY  

great now i made myself sad

and like . the fact! that lwj and jc dislike each other!!. jc projects blame onto him for wwx both “leaving” him and indirectly causing their families deaths and when hes so consumed by it he makes wwx an enemy, lwj is there now? trying to protect him?? and lwj, who can never understand the pain that wwx , indirectly or not put jc through, but who was right there when jc tried to kill him and will never allow him to hurt wwx again. and how they like. in a way project blame of their tragedies onto each other while dealing with some type of survivor guilt and in their own way still loving wwx through it all???  amd in way its kind of fundamentally selfish but also tragically understandable? and like when u put it against the fact that after he disappears during the sunshot campaign they were looking for him together and fought together??

JUST. THE CHARACTERS. AND THE RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS. MAN. UGH. GOD. 

and like i think thats what makes it so good? its such a sad and painful and violent story, edgy even, but its compelling bc at the center of it there are all of these relationships and different types of love and hope and. :( i love it

enough crying lets talk abt wwx sleeping at the jingshi with lwj and wearing his under garment for a minute 🙏

 jin ling just has that Was Raised by JC energy tho lmao i love him

babie cultivator squad is the perfect ammount of cute and comedic relief while still bearing the weight? of the narrative in a way, both from sizhui and jin lings existences, and also. like. how do i put this. they feel hopeful? they were born after a war, they came of age at a time of relative peace, they dont hold on so closely to the resentments of their parents/father figures, they are specifically shown as more accepting and open minded. and its like.... Hope for the future  

one of the ?? things  i love the most is the fact that the main cast are often in situations where theyre hunted/running but they like. never wear disguises... just going around in their gorgeous expensive clan clothes and hair ornaments and distinctive spiritual weapons.... maybe w a straw hat on, just for kicks

wwx teacher 🥺🥺🥺

so this is why its called Yi City Misery huh

a-qing is such. an icon. im so sad. my girl even knew to leave xys dumb self rotting by the road but no one listens to her thats why theyre all dead or sad 

her and xue yang measuring each other up was so entertaining lmao

 its the funniest thing when hes like. HERES MY SAD STORY. FOR WHY IM A SADISTIC MURDERER. I BROKE MY HAND ONCE. 

like ok someone broke his hand in a horrible way, and like Poverty, i get it but also like.......... that lost the brunt of a proper sob story like, 50 sadistic murders ago bby

and i love that xingchen does not entertain that for a second hes like ‘not ?????? good enough???’ and the best thing is he wasnt even like 'u hadto be the bigger person' or sth but ' well then break that dudes hand back, rip his arm off for i care, what do the rest of us have to do w anything???” 

anjo sensato :(

xue yang is like..... the sexy sadistic evil version of a himbo..... a meanbo...

the fucked upness of xy’s feelings for xxc/ xxc and sl feelings for each other... like my dude literally gave his bf HIS EYES. and xy getting so attached to xxc .... the fucked up fake domesticity.... having him hurt sl..... then desperately trying to bring him back ...................... oof

song lan........... literally had his eyes AND tongue removed, his bfs eyes put in place, was almost killed, turned into a puppet by his bf unknowingly, manipulated by xy, sees his bf killing himself in despair.... and STILL finds the strenght to get up from there, and keep on traveling and helping people and attempting to fix xxcs soul.......... like, my man. damn. 

wangxian looking at songxiao and seeing an Actually more painful parallel for themselves. ft. that Color Coding. 

THE A-YUAN/SIZHUI REVEAL PUNCHED ME IN THE HEART but in a good way for a change

should have know that he would be the Best Boy the cute one w all the braincells

the butterfly AND the bunny lantern. i see how it is

u know is very convenient that no one can see the stark black veins on wen nings neck, ever 

BAT WEN NING 

wns face when lwj comes into wwx room like ‘:0 omg did u two finally get your shit together? good for you master wei good for u’ 

(they didnt) (yet)

DISASTER DRUNK LWJ. JUST. THRUST SOME CHICKENS TO SHOW UR RESSURECTED BAE THAT U LOVE THEM.

i have absolutely no idea WHY they gave lwj the same punishment for fighting his own sect/allies to protect the burial mounds as when they got drunk on cloud recess class days.... like? its such a ... emotional continuity error again

also is lwj gonna get an actual friend besides wwx , ever

mianmian marrying and having a family and a cute life after saying FUCK U AND UR SYSTEM TOO in a much less unhinged and dramatic way than wwx......... fills me w joy

also lol the idea that like. her husband not knowing that shes friends w satan/the boogey man/the village witch is hilarious

i love nie mingjue bc hes the resident Though Guy but also the most dramatic bitch in this show and thats Saying Something

jin ling cant have one uneventful relative can he

the fact that everyone present already knew “mo xuanyu” was wwx at the stairs is so funny, their faces are like ‘oh............ wow. that. sure is a development. shock” 

in the tradition of extremely loud whispers wwx tells lwj with twelve guards standing like one meter away from them: HEY PSH LAN ZHAN PRETEND IM FORCING YOU TO STAY W ME DO IT

oh my god oh my god

the absolute Yearning on his face when he leaves wwx and a-yuan at the burial mounds and refuses to stay for dinner was already Enough but the fact?? they brought it back?? to this declaration of love?? their expressions??????? strike me dead right now just go ahead

lFor Legal Reasons We Cant Kiss but we will have a very sappy declaration of love and trust and look at each other in way that is the actualization of 💞💘💗💖💓💘💞💗💖💘💗💖💕💞

also icb all the sect leaders and guards are standing there watching them say they like like each other with a dozen swords pointing at their neck

i enjoyed the depiction of the fickle public perception and how easily it can be used to scapegoat people. when the sect leaders turn on jgy and wwx knows thats its more for convenience than anything else...

poor lxc is literally like 'oh so when YOUR problematic boyfriend gets called evil its a misunderstanding but when its MY problematic bf-'

ok like i cant get over nmj let jgy play a song that messed with his temperament at all, like maN u KNEW he might be shady wth

wwx: “hey dont say anything bad abt lan zhan hes not an arrogant dick, thats just his face. 

ME ON THE OTHER HAND"

the cultivators as wwx is poking holes in their narrative is literally *nazaré meme*

"wei wuxian-!" "what did i break your leg, too?" not to be problematic but i laughed so hard

not as hard as "you dont have the rank to talk to me " tho

i Enjoy that, over the course of story, wwx sees that... theres nothing truly to Do, but move on. he saw how his arrogance and his mistakes hurt others, and hes trying to fix what he can, but he already did die for his mistakes and there are things he cant fix and that's. just how it is. even towards jgy, the narrative doesn't go gleefully and completely with "lets make THEM pay bc theyre the big bad" bc its not that simple, and it wouldn't lead anywhere but more pain...

re him and jiang cheng and the wens and kinda. isnt that what nhs did? scheming to displace jgy out of revenge more than any justice and doing so in the most painful way?

idk if that actually makes sense im truly just babbling

i thought the scene at the lotus pond would be CUTE but the context was PAIN again

jiang cheng finding out about his golden core and his conflict with wwx at the guanyin temple .... destroyed me but in a nice way kinda.... same way it destroys him look at his face oh god

and. the fact??? he sacrificed himself for wwx?? first?? and he'll probably never tell anyone much less wwx???? keeps me up at night

i havent decided if the neckbreak transition between jgy does sth super Evil or does he he does OR Does He yes he does O R does heeeee is sth i dislike or not

jin guangyao and wei wuxians most interesting parallel is that... theyve both seen 'hmm hey this system is fucked up' and wwx went 'so fuck it all i will renounce it and challenge it' and jgy went 'so fuck it i will use all of it to my advantage and manipulate it to my goals and whims'

the fact jgys mom was actually great and he loved her and his whole issue w it was more than simply being ashamed of being a bastard kinda got me ngl

never trust a dude with a fan.

nhs and jgy: the first rule to a convoluted and decades spanning violent revenge plot is to have fun and be yourself! 

when a-yuan finally FINALLY remembers ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; wen ning has someone in his family back and a-yuan has someone to talk abt his wen family and wwx has him back bc he survived and lwj raised him anD HES THEIR SON. THEYRE MARRIED AND HAVE A SON. UGH.

and theyre allowed to heal. everyone is allowed to try and recover and be happy

netflix put all of the 3 endings on top of each other and it looks kinda weird actually BUT I DONT EVEN MIND :’’’’’’’’’)

the gasp that left me when lwj says ‘wei ying’ and wwx turns.........

there was also a screen with ‘thank you mxtx for creating these characters, we hope their wishes come true’ and i might. have cried then too. maybe. 

that was . a ride. as is proven by this behemot of a ramble clearly i just really needed and Outlet. i am currently trying to convince dumb monkey brain to not consume the other medias of mdzs immediately bc i REALLY need to like. live. a life. and take care of real responsibilities.  *longest oh boi ever*

[csykora]

Ooh, ooh. Please tell me all about TJ and how he turned the Caps into a buttsmack-loving, hansy, "babe"-ing team.

Ah, you are asking the NHL’s eternal question:

“Wait, why did the big men just highstick each other in the nuts?”

Ball torture is a big part of a game that’s supposedly played with a puck. 

We can thank the tireless work of the league’s spanking expert, Timothy Lief Oshie (Keeway Gaaboo in Anishinaabemowin, or “TJ”, after a character in 1979’s The Champ, a sports movie that the New York Times once described as “unholy” and “these movies don't mean to deal with the world as it really is, but as it should be, a place where there's no pile-up of emotional garbage too big that it can't be washed clean by a good cry. My problem with 'The Champ' is that I didn't cry. The garbage accumulated."

Clips of the character TJ crying have been found to be “one of the most depressing movies” you can show somebody, and are used in psychological studies. His mom thought Oshie looked like child actor Ricky Schroder, though.)

He is best known as Osh-Babe, like a Pokemon, for the sound he makes.

TJ was born in Everett, Washington, but moved to his father’s hometown of Warroad, Minnesota when he was fifteen to train with his father (Coach Osh) and cousin (Olympian and Red Wings star Henry Boucha).

I have a duty to show hockey tumblr pictures of Coach Henry and Coach Henry’s mustache every year.

He is also cousins with Gary Sargent of the Minnesota North Stars and great-nephew of local legend Max Oshie, because Warroad is a town of 1,700 people who are all cousins and also all Olympians.

For new hockey fans: Warroad is called “Hockeytown USA” because the US men’s team has never won gold without a player from Warroad on the roster. The reason for this is that the town has three rinks (two indoor, one outdoor) and ice time is free. Apparently the only barrier is that sometimes people forget who has the town key to the rink and they have to jimmy the door. 

Little TJ went from having to drive across the Washington/Canada border and paying $20 dollars per hour to skating every day of the year. The first thing Coach Henry did when TJ arrived was make him scrimmage against his local star player. They got so frustrated at not being able to beat each other that they sat down on the ice and burst into tears. The other player is now US Olympic, Boston Pride, and PWHPA star Gigi Marvin.  

Anyway, TJ played college hockey, then for the Blues and for Team USA in the 2014 Sochi Olympics, where he became famous for being a statistical freak and loving his teammates very, very much.

Here he is haring off the ice and all the way down the hall to crush Vladimir Tarasenko after his first career hat trick. After crushing Tarasenko’s Team Russia in 2014, TJ stopped to comfort him.

I don’t have video of TJ’s involvement with Vladimir’s butt, but there were at least a few proto-smacks.

Anyway, that summer TJ was traded away to the Washington Capitals, and the spankings started.

Several people deserve credit for the Washington Capital’s complete lack of personal space before TJ arrived. The first, of course, are Alexander Ovechkin and Alexander Semin, who shared everything from their name through their bubblegum, clothes, and chairs.

The next is Nate Schmidt, who at the time was d-partnered with John Carlson. John Carlson once hugged Nate Schmidt so hard it felt “like getting hit by a linebacker” and “I really felt I was going to eat popcorn with the people in the third row….It was awesome.” Nate Schmidt decided to express his love by composing a Carly Dance, which he would perform for Carlson before every game.

Then backup goaltender Philipp Grubauer told Schmidt he worried Nate was making the Caps’ other senior defenseman, Matt Niskanen, feel less cherished. Together they created a Matty Duet, which they performed at Niskanen while, I assume, the rest of the team had to hold him down.

There was also Tom Wilson, who also hits people very hard. After his first season Alexander Ovechkin was so impressed with Wilson that he nicknamed him “Destroyer”. Tom Wilson I guess blushed and said “No, you!” because started calling Ovechkin “Destroyer” right back. It’s since been shortened to “D”, so if you’re listening to pregame or bench chatter and hear someone yelling that it means either of them.

Since his arrival, TJ has adopted and escalated Schmidt’s pregame dances into elaborate dance-handshakes.

First, and this isn’t directly relevant but it kind of is, TJ is a really big fan of electrotherapy and brought it with him from St. Louis. So before games he and John Carlson like to go into a dark training room and stick electrodes on each other. TJ especially likes putting them on his face. 

(via the Washington Post)

(He uses an Accelerated Recovery Performance machine, or ARP, which is just a TENS unit you can get at CVS. I quite like TENS for pain and it can be very relaxing, so I think it does help him in that sense, but the company selling it as ARP for training purposes is some vintage 19th century snake oil. At one point TJ also stuck electrodes on long-suffering family dog Jay Beagle, who was gracious to his face but concluded, “I just don’t know if it actually works. I don’t like doing things that don’t help, you know what I mean?”)

Emerging from his electric dungeon, TJ has a unique dance-handshake with every member of the team. Each one is based on a joke or something he’s noticed about them, and they are expected to perform it with him in order before every game.

After that, they break out into secondary traditions as TJ supervises: Wilson and Ovechkin bodyslam and scream “D!” onto each other’s faces, during the playoffs John and Ovi square up and hit each other in the jock a ritual number of times, and so on.

...in retrospect maybe I should have pinned John Carlson for more of this, or at least that the Washington Capitals like it when John Carlson humiliates them physically. John Carlson now thinks he can demand his D-partners dance for him, much to Kempny’s confusion.

Anyway then they go out to the ice, where Kempny gamely tows TJ into position for Tom Wilson to whale on his ass and/or balls with his stick. The force and placement of blows vary depending how they’re feeling tonight. TJ returns the favor until they fall to the ice in fake or sometimes maybe not so fake agony. 

When TJ recovers enough he’ll sneak over and steal a spank of the plushest and most precious hockey butt of all: goalie butt.

According to Lars Eller, “it’s little things we have fun with. We don’t do it for anybody else, but for us as a group…just a good way for us to start practice off with a laugh and smile.”

[mallowstep]

I wanna hear about the PO3 au's the anon left out! skyclan, loner, po5. Im guessing loner is Crow/Leaf raising the 3 outside of the clans. I love hearing you talk about your au's!

aww thanks! okay, same plan as before, details below the cut.

skyclan po3: it's, uh, pretty on the nose. crow and leaf run to skyclan with their kits.

loner po3: this is a catch-all term for three aus with similar premises, but i don't have a clear/short title to differentiate them. one is leafcrow, one is mothpool, and one is just leafpool. i'll talk about each of them.

po5: this is my internal name for the jaywing au. this, if you don't remember (and why would you), is a bit of a parallel to the dovefeather/med cat dovewing au where jaykit and dovekit are siblings.

skyclan po3: "they move on tracks of never-ending light" (title song)

the au title for this in my notes was "whitewater," but i think i'm going to save something else for that. (if you're confused why i have two titles for all of the aus: when i make a big au, it usually gets a temporary title that's short and easy to search, but i replace it with a permanent title later. sometimes they stay the same, like ashes, but usually i change it.)

so my only notes on this is

crowfeather and leafpool make it all the way to skyclan with a trio of newborn kits.

and like yeah, that's basically all i've figured out.

uhhh i know skyclan will come to the lake sooner, obviously, and i know that jay's character arc plays out really differently because there's less ableism.

(even in the windclan au, jay is intertwined with ableism: in that case, it's "either you're the same, or you're not capable." but leafstar is a sensible leader who doesn't have that problem.)

otherwise, yeah, i don't really know where i'm going with this, other than i think it'll be fun to explore, since leafpool is firestar's daughter and named after leafstar.

loner po3: the common thread in all of these is what happens to thunderclan's medicine cat after leafpool leaves?

(tbf, that's a common question in quite a few aus. but it makes itself a central conflict in these three.)

loner po3 I: leafcrow. "on and on we run in loops"

uh, yeah. they run away, and stay away. this one isn't supposed to focus on the kits that much, but rather, leafpool's struggle with duty and desire.

i've got this:

“There’s a loner,” the kittypet said, her voice languid, claws extended, but with an air of ease, “named Leaf. She’s been helping out loners for, oh, a season or two.”

as a quote from it. it's my least favorite of the loner po3 aus.

loner po3 II: single mom leafpool. "between us, i'd trade you for them every time"

i've talked about this one actually quite a bit, but it's probably going to take me a while to write it. it's inspired by "butterflies and hurricanes," but instead of leafpool dying, crowfeather dies.

also, the chapter titles come from "marjorie" which is basically 90% of why it's going to take me a while to work on it, that song makes me cry a lot and uh, things are a lil Much right now.

i've got a few scenes sketched out, from holly running away, and leafpool panicking, to leafpool worrying about bringing her kits to thunderclan.

loner po3 III: mothpool. "to make a choice in all this mess"

this is the au competing with divided po3 for next po3 au to write, and i'm...i love it. (as a note, i won't write two aus for the same time period at the same time. that's why i was waiting to finish wfmisus before i got back on doahins. now it's all messy. but i get confused lmao.)

anyway, i have the least written for this, but i'm very excited. in my first warriors fic ever, "if you love me any, let me know it now", leafpool thinks this:

(Leafpool should have left. She should have found Mothwing and told her and left. Maybe pause to say goodbye to Squirrelflight. Mothwing would have gone with her, and things would be alright. Not like they are now, all tangled and impossible.)

and well. i'm weak.

i don't have a ton of concrete stuff to say about it, especially considering it's so high on the list, but i mean, i'm excited.

po5: "wing and feather"

alright, this is an old one. since it's also high on my list, i want to explain where it came from rather than what it's about, because that will cover what it's about in a broad sense, without tempting me to give away the details.

(also, w&f is a working title. much like "feather take flight," i may change my mind.)

anyway. i started getting into warriors with "cloudtail's daughter," an au where dovewing and ivypool are brightheart's kits.

in a post so old i had to go to my main blog to find it, i said this:

i also want him to be dovewing’s brother. but the au where brightheart gives birth to dovekit, anxiety child, and jaykit, blind, and feels like a failure despite the fact that its not like her half-blindness is genetic, is not this au. that is another au.

and the seeds were planted.

so right, i'm writing up ctd around when i'm first reading "flightless dove, poison ivy," which will go on to inspire dovefeather (med cat dovewing au, but as you'll see, dovefeather is the assigned working au name. after i decided i didn't like feather take flight, i reverted back to its initial working title, dovefeather.)

so i've got these two things rolling around in my brain.

dovefeather comes first, because i reread fdpi so many times and i just. i want dovepaw to stay in riverclan. i don't want her to leave. i want her to be happy. (also please! i'm still finishing ch 2 of fdpi no spoilers it's taking me embarassingly long to finish.)

but anyway, consider this a bonus au talk because explaining what po5 is, imo, requires me explaining what dovefeather is. like, in an au talk scenario. they're unrelated aus, from a reader perspective.

so i come up with this list of "things i want to be different in oots":

dovewing should be cloudtail's daughter

dovewing and jayfeather should be siblings

dovewing should be a medicine cat

dovewing should go to riverclan

ivypool should be the fourth cat (but i'm not revealing which aus this applies to bc big time spoilers)

and this creates a bit of an au matrix. pick and choose, you know? ctd is (1).

dovefeather is (3) and (4).

but i still wanted (2), and so it seemed pretty natural to make a (1), (2), and (3) au.

but that's a retrospective analysis, what really happens is, i get like fourteen "what ifs" deep, until i'm writing fic for my fic for someone else's fic. kind of.

dovefeather diverges pretty sharply from fdpi, especially based on what i've read of ch2. it takes the same core idea, and because my idea of riverclan was inspired by fdpi, there are plenty of similarities, but i think it's functionally very different, and superficially similar.

(also, hollowflight ends up in a completely different trio lmao dovepaw hangs out with rushpaw, troutpaw, and mossypaw.)

but anyway, i'm trying not to write another au of the same time period, but i just finished writing out the full outline for ashes, and the next chapter (i.e., ch 12, which i'm hopefully posting today if all goes well) gets me thinking, and i can't let it go: i want (2) to happen.

so i look at my outline for dovefeather, because the rule is, it has to be very different from this.

since dovefeather is like 70% drafted (altho that number seems low, because i suspect i'm going to end up adding a lot into the fourth chapter), i now know that was never going to be an issue, but at the time, i was very worried.

so i was like! well, that means i'm going to fuck with every part of po3, and we're going to get ivypaw and hollypaw roped in, and jaypaw is always going to be a warrior, and i think i made squilf his mentor? or maybe sandstorm lmao.

either way, it ended up being defined by jaypaw, which i didn't initially plan on. but that's po5: squilf's litter lionkit, hollykit, ivykit & brightheart's litter dovekit and jaykit grow up together.

it's got a similar vibe to ashes IMO.

okay wow that ended up being a lot i've been hyperfocusing on dovefeather all weekend, and in my head, it's inextricably linked to ashes, ctd, and jaywing/po5, so uh. yeah.

hope this was what you were looking for?

<3

[ayankun]

Got a lot done today, rewarding self with hsmtmts S1 (who am I kidding, this was going to happen regardless) just starting ep 3, thoughts that contain S2 spoilers below

It's not as awkwardly zany as I feared! I think its mockumentary style is certainly more stylized than it's become, but the jokes still land. Even though some of said jokes are based on their characters' archetypes rather than the people they're going to grow into. What can you do, it's only been an hour of runtime, everything's gonna be different by hour 10.

Gosh the kids are so young! But they're all doing so so so well. I've also now seen an hour or two of cast interviews, and the age differences of the actors is pretty wild. Like I think Frankie is one of the older ones, but for the first time I paid attention and found out Carlos is supposed to be a sophomore like Gina (but now it makes more sense that he's only just turning 16 lolololol)

I'm feeling really bad for Ricky, remembering that his home life troubles are specifically what are causing him to react and over-react and generally be a drama-maker on behalf of the plot. Like on one hand, it's such an interesting choice to have your leading man be the anti-hero of his own story, 'cause he hecks up ALL the time and is sometimes hard to root for, but taking a step back to observe that this is a fiction and everything is designed with intent, Ricky's character isn't really a hero or villain, he's a personification of a message, which is that sometimes you gotta dig deep and identify the root of your problems first before you can start applying beneficial solutions. And you might just keep hecking up until you get there. The stuff with his mom in 2x09 is sosososososo important and a long time coming, the character's going to have to be a different person going forward because he's finally been able to address some of his issues that have been festering since 1x01.

Semi-related, I'll always show up for a good redemption arc. Ricky, the hero, is going to need one! Nini might even get one (1000% I don't believe she needs one, keep self-actualizing, queen!), but anyway the S1 antagonist trio of EJ, Gina, and Mr. Mazzara is so fun/frustrating to watch, knowing that in S2 they're literally all going to become not just protagonists but also my favorite ones.

ALSO seeing evil!Gina and villainous!EJ interact keeps giving me chills. Those poor kids have NO IDEA what they're in for!!!!!

Similarly, Matt Cornett has grown on me a lot. Even first time through, I thought he was the weakest of the cast (lol he's the oldest, he's ridiculously old for that baby face) and just now in One Billion Sorrys I was like, isn't EJ supposed to be leading man material? Why is his performance so bad for comedy reasons? Oh... it's less comedy reasons and more Matt Cornett doing his best? Also why is he so white-washed this season! The makeup they've caked on him makes him look sickly. ANYWAY he's really come a long way, and especially with the stuff they've been giving him in S2, his scenes where EJ's successfully engaging with Gina as a human being are sosososo effective and I'm looking forward to getting back to that point.

Clocking some callbacks S2 has made to S1, like Kourtney talking to Nini about how she's avoiding talking to Ricky about something important and then Ricky comes up, or Nini needing to keep her phone out of the hands of her insecure clingy boyfriends so they don't jealously delete things. EDIT: just finished S1 and there was another major parallel I noticed but since noticing I have somehow forgotten :<<<<< OH COULD IT HAVE BEEN 1x08 is where Ricky and Nini rekindle things and 2x08 is where they call it quits????? (also Ricky getting earth-shattering home & family news on holidays and having to bottle it up b/c someone's on his doorstep and he has to perform Emotional Stability) (found another one, Miss Jenn's "Trust the process" vs Dean Patel's "Trust the outcome.") (Miss Jenn giving Nini a voice and YAC literally taking it away)

I guess also Ricky's mom problem and Nini's decision to put her dreams first were the inciting incidents for these two characters' arcs -- like, the narrative's inciting incident is "I think I kinda you know," and it plays out in the spaces where the Ricky/Nini romance storyline provides conflict for the success-of-the-show storyline, and vice versa, but the CHARACTERS' STORIES are about the mom thing and the dream thing, and are actually the root of all the interpersonal drama.

Not sure that I have a point, it's more of a comment of appreciation.

Another good thing about S2 is that it opens up to include more stories for the supporting cast, kinda like how HSM2 does and makes Ryan your favorite character. So even in retrospect, in S1 my faves are Gina and Mazzara and Seb & Carlos and Ashlyn, and Nini and Ricky are just Also There.

Different thought: my singular major complaint when I watched this the first time was that the show (accidentally? Due to unyielding adherence to the conventions of the genre?) uniformly conflates personal success with romantic success. As in, you know you've finally achieved your dream when you are handed a SO as a trophy. The sole SOLE exception to this in S1 is Kourtney, and look how that's played out in S2. :/ especially since one of my favorite favorite things was Start of Something New recast as Nini's romance-free self-actualization ballad, I really thought that was a premise that would make an appearance s o m e w h e r e in the show. SO IM SO HAPPY THAT'S FINALLY PAID OFF FOR NINI. LIKE IN 2x09 WHERE RICKY'S DROWNING IN HIS UNSHED TEARS AND THEN IT CUTS TO NINI SCROLLING COMMENTS IN HER INSTAGRAM HOLY SHIT. There's a read where she's the bitch or whatever for not being as broken up as Ricky is, but gurrrrrrl this has been her true character aim since day one!!! Her story is not! About! RICKY!!!!!

(I wanted my ace!Taylor HC to magically transfer into Kourtney, whose canon feminist self-affirming character core might prevent her from getting roped into a romance storyline. Like I don't want to begrudge a character a romance plot if that's what the character wants, but GOSH wouldn't it have been cool if this rom-com genre could find room to accommodate aspec stories. ALSO where my trans teens at!!! Fingers crossed, S3.)

In conclusion, I identify with Mazzara what with his autism and his robots and his AV club and his green gingham button-up that I also have; I love love love his look of consternation with himself when he sends that email. 10/10. But also, if we were in high school, I'd have been a grade ahead of his actor sooooo guess that means I'm just a crusty old grandpa

(Started writing this going into ep 3, now I'm headed into ep 6 lololol. HOMECOMING SEBLOS AND DONT WANT NO SCRUBS KOURTNEY CASTLES IN THE SKY MY BELOVEDS)

[listless-brainrot]

expanding on a jet/haru dynamic

just hear me out on this okay. give me a CHANCE fellas

i kind of ramble down below but i think they simply both deserve it

(and thank you @the-hot-zone for spurring me on to write this!)

so jet and haru are two of my top faves from atla and i think they’d get along really well and this isn’t just me having hopeful wishes (for once), and i think that it’s high time that i talk about why i think they’d be good friends

for one, let’s start with jet- leader of the freedom fighters, is an orphaned child of war, takes in orphaned war children, is driven by his hatred and trauma from the fire nation to do what’s right, is pushed to extremes in his want to defeat the fire nation, gets called out by the gaang, and leaves for ba sing se to atone. he’s definitely a complex character with a lot of depth to explore, which is surprising coming from a side character.

while he may not have as much screentime as jet, let’s move onto haru, who, if you think about it, also has a surprising amount of depth- his father is the leader of the village (later on, assumedly, the leader of the earth kingdom rebellions), was forced to hide his bending for five years, still practiced bending despite the dangers it presented, often voiced his anger about the fire nation and is implied to have rebelled a little, is an extremely empathetic and strong-willed person, and is shown to be the first to run to action when needed. 

with these factors in mind, let’s talk about their similarities!

both haru and jet are leaders in different ways- jet is the literal leader of the freedom fighters, and haru is forced to take up the role of man of the house when his father is taken. we can see that jet seems to be a natural leader, however, we also have to remember that a large majority of his kids are, well, kids, and he was probably forced into a leadership role due to age (the wiki says he’s sixteen, i say he’s seventeen, same with haru). this leadership role can also be extended to a sort of parental role as well- again, jet takes in orphaned children, and is an orphan himself, and haru, though he’s an only child, still has to fill in the shoes of his father by helping his mom run the family shop. there’s also an implication that he’d have to carry on tyro’s legacy, again, with tyro being the leader of the village, but this is largely speculation.

they’re also both directly affected by the fire nation- the rough rhinos murder jet’s parents and burn down his village at a young age, giving him horrible trauma that continues to drive his actions, and the fire nation takes over haru’s village, outlawing earthbending and taking away his dad and every other earthbender, and, later, haru himself. both of them use this shared trauma to connect with katara, who they’ve both interacted personally with. i’ll bring up this shared interaction later. however, despite this trauma, both of them are still good people. in the case of jet, it gets a little more grey- he does horrible, misguided things, however, his causes are still ultimately “good”; right now, the fire nation is the only bad he’s up against, not just for himself, but for everyone he’s taken in and is protecting. in the case of haru, he’s shown to be made embittered, lonely, and even depressed, but he still vouches for the gaang later on, probably convincing his mom to let them stay and opening up to katara. later on, when he’s arrested, he’s the first to attack the warden, and has been shown previously that he’s extremely willing to fight for what’s right, their freedom in this case- his dad just stops him most of the time.

lastly, they’re both self-reliant outcasts. jet is a self-proclaimed one, as shown by his interaction with zuko, which is sad in retrospect- for someone who practically made his own family, admitting that he doesn’t feel like a part of it/doesn’t fully trust it feels really disheartening. he’s shown to go off on his own with less and less supporters, and, by the time smellerbee and longshot leave for rather understandable reasons, he’s relying on nothing but his instincts and himself. this isn’t anything new, as jet had to have relied on himself from the ripe old age of eight, when his village was burned. haru is an outcast in a different, yet extremely similar sense- he was made to be an outcast. he’s an earthbender in a fire nation occupied town, with no other earthbenders around- his own mother calls his bending dangerous and tells him to not use it, again, for understandable reasons. however, despite this, haru still practices, honing in his skills- another similarity he shares with jet, with both of them being entirely self-taught in their respective skillsets. haru’s skillset is his earthbending, which he adopts into his own entirely unique style, which appears to be a mix of earthbending and firebending techniques, which makes sense, as, with no earthbenders around, firebending soldiers would have to be his next best bet. jet’s skillset is his hookswords, or twin hooks, which we don’t see any other character use in atla use and/or teach, so we can easily assume that he taught himself, which is extremely impressive when paired with the fact that he not only uses them to fight, but also uses them to get around, swinging through the trees with them.

now, let’s talk about some conflicts.

haru, unlike jet, still has both his parents and a village to go back to- a luxury that even most of the main characters don’t have. while you could argue that jet does have a family, as he made his own family in the form of the freedom fighters and all the kids he took in, he still lacks biological family, as well as people he doesn’t feel entirely obligated to protect. both of them lack friends; haru’s, most likely, got killed or taken away, and while he is friends with the freedom fighters and everyone else, jet still carries the title of leader even outside of the forest, therefore making his relationship to the freedom fighters a little less personal, as well as they may know him. they’re both a little lonely in that regard, actually- and somehow, in the paragraph about conflicts, i started talking about similarities again, so let me get back on track.

jet is an active rebel leader, with his own coup and home base, attacking fire nation encampments and taking in orphans. haru is not, at least, we don’t really see him or hear him state that he’s a part of anything, which is entirely understandable given his situation. it makes sense that he wouldn’t be a part of a secret underground rebellion, especially if he doesn’t even know who to trust with people like him taken away from him. however, despite this, we know that he has a strong rebellious streak and a drive to do what’s right- he rightfully calls the fire nation soldiers thugs and thieves, is the first to run and help the old man, as well as, again, instigate the prison break. in the first and third of these situations, it’s his parents that are holding him back- in the second, it’s a little harder, but, ultimately, he’s still inspired to do the right thing, he just needed a little reassurance from katara. a large part of his idolization of his father is also shown to come from his admiration in still fighting while outnumbered, even if they did all get taken away in the end. case in point, this, paired with admiration of his father’s and katara’s rebellious actions, it would make sense, then, that he would probably view jet in the same light, and, perhaps, even wish that he’d be brave enough to do what jet is doing- being an active rebel making an impact, rather than his greatest rebellion being still in the village as an earthbender.

finally, jet doesn’t have a proper support system, while haru does, sort of. jet has an echo chamber- given his situation, his hatred of the fire nation makes sense when you realize that he’s surrounded by people who have been nothing but hurt by the fire nation. of course hearing stories of being hurt over and over would do something to him, and make him fail to distinguish individuality in favor of just attacking everything fire nation. you could argue that his friends at least tried to show him that he was wrong in ba sing se, however, he was most definitely going through an episode, which, of course, would cloud his judgement heavily, and, again, they are still a part of that echo chamber. haru, meanwhile, at least still has his mom, though she’s shown to not be the greatest in terms of sticking it to the fire nation, instead, remaining complacent and still paying the soldiers that just threatened to burn down her shop. not saying she shouldn’t have, and should’ve faced the consequences- just saying there’s probably a reason why haru admires and talks so much about his dad compared to his mom, who doesn’t even have a name. haru, at least, has someone to reference for what’s right- a parental figure. jet lacks this, as, instead, he is the parental figure- a large majority of his personality appears to be the way that it is because he has so many people looking up to him, and he knows this, quite possibly emulating and coming off as “cool and collected” because of it, rather than him doing it on purpose.

to conclude, if these two interacted, they would have a surprising amount of commonality, as well as interesting differences to explore, and i think that it’s fun to think about them interacting some time between jet’s episode and him leaving for ba sing se. after all, their respective places of living are rather close on the map; they definitely could’ve met. plus, i think that someone like haru would be good for jet- he needs someone outside of his echo chamber that knows how to protect themselves so he can really see them as a friend, rather than just an ally, and haru has been shown to be one to give many chances and lend a listening ear if someone really needs it. imagine how cool it would be to see them fighting together, using their own self-taught fighting styles to hold off fire nation soldiers! i think it’d be really neat.

also they could bond over knowing katara and their split interpretations of her; every time katara sees haru again, she runs in for a hug, while jet nearly gets killed on sight by her in ba sing se lmao

[christabelq]

REVIEW OF...

DREAMS OF DARK AND LIGHT: THE GREAT SHORT FICTION OF TANITH LEE

I’ve never read a Tanith Lee book that I didn’t like and this was no exception. It’s a retrospective of her first ten years as a writer and contains twenty-three short stories. They all fall under the heading of fantasy, horror or science fiction, yet no two are alike, and even when the subject is familiar (e.g. vampires), she manages to come up with a completely fresh take on it. The prose is wonderful as well – highly descriptive, but with an almost musical quality. There really isn’t anyone else who writes like her. I have to confess, as a would-be writer myself, she leaves me a little in awe.

Some of the stories in the book are based in the past, some in the present and some in the future, but they all have a timeless feel to them. They are filled with evocative images that remain with you long after you have finished reading and characters who are both memorable and well-rounded. When I think about them now, it almost feels like I didn’t read them, but they were actually dreams… voyages into an infinitely inventive imagination. It would be too ambitious to try and cover them all in this review, so I’m just going to focus on a few favorites. BITE-ME-NOT / FLEUR DE FUR This is a story that often appears in anthologies and is a great introduction to Lee’s work, because it includes many of her hallmarks – an original premise, a timeless fairy-tale quality, striking imagery, beautiful use of language, etc. It is about winged vampires who hunt the skies like birds of prey. These vampires have an angelic beauty and sing hauntingly as they fly, but are driven by instinct alone and have little capacity for thought. They live in a remote land and have laid siege to a castle, desperate to feed on the blood of the inhabitants. The castle is securely locked up at night, but this only makes them more determined to get inside, and one night, their prince manages it. Unfortunately for him he is wounded in a fight with a menagerie lion and captured. Meanwhile, the Duke who owns the castle has come across a servant who bears a striking resemblance to his dead daughter. He believes his daughter has somehow returned to him and adopts her as his own. Then she encounters the prince of the vampires and falls in love with him, but this is Tanith Lee, so don’t expect a conventional happy ever after love story. This really is a great story which stays with you long after you have finished it. The characterization is good and it has some nice twists. The themes include love, family, secrets, beauty and power. Definitely a highlight of the collection. A DAY IN THE SKIN I’ve picked this story out, because it is the first science fiction one and has a very different tone to BITE-ME-NOT. It is set on a planet occupied by colonists from Earth. A terrible accident has killed off most of the inhabitants, but the technology exists to keep their souls in storage and an arrangement has been in put in place that allows them to take turns inhabiting the few surviving bodies. The actual owners of the bodies are displaced and have to take turns along with everyone else, and the story is narrated by one of them as he is placed into the body of a woman for a day and meets one of his friends in the body of man. It’s a fascinating concept and Lee handles it well. She does a good job of getting into the head of the main character and does some nice world-building. The themes here include friendship, freedom, technology and survival. I didn’t like the story as much as BITE-ME-NOT, but it definitely shows the author’s versatility. A LYNX WITH LIONS This story, which I think may have been original to the anthology, is a second adventure of the character Cyrion, who appears earlier in CYRION IN WAX and in other stories not included in the collection. This time, Cyrion has gone to the aid of the leader of a tribe of nomads who used to be his mentor. The leader tells him he believes his son is planning to murder him, but as Cyrion quickly discovers, there is more to the situation than meets the eye. It is a tale of magic and demons with an Arabian Nights feel to it which I really enjoyed and which suits Lee’s writing style very well. Lee skillfully brings the world of the nomads to life and really keeps you on the edge of your seat with the twists and turns. Otherness is a key theme here, along with power, loyalty, truth and religion. MAGRITTE’S SECRET AGENT This is one of the few stories in the book with a contemporary setting. It is told in the first person and is about an art student who becomes infatuated with a man in a wheelchair after his mom brings him into the shop where she is working to collect an order. The order isn’t ready, so she offers to deliver it to their house, so she can see the man again. She finds out he is unable to care for himself, but can’t get him out of her head and comes up with another excuse to visit him. His mom then tells her a strange story about his conception, which gives her the idea that he might like to see the ocean. His mom is resistant to the idea, but she takes him anyway. I won’t tell you what happens next, as I don’t want to spoil the ending. The story is named after a real Magritte painting, which is used a framing device and ties in nicely with the surrealist narrative. The writing is wonderful as always and the characters felt very real. Things I especially enjoyed were the way the narrator’s growing obsession with the man in the wheelchair is dealt with and the way the fantastical slowly encroaches on reality. MEDRA This is another science fiction story, but the fairy tale quality that Lee is so good at is much more in evidence than in A Day in the Skin. It takes place in a partly ruined city on a planet that has been abandoned by everyone except the title character, who lives on the 89th floor of a luxurious hotel. The hotel is entirely automated and Medra never leaves it, spending most of her time projecting her consciousness out across space. Then one day, she is visited by an adventurer, who is searching for a powerful war machine. The two fall in love and make plans to leave together, only to find that Medra cannot go. It’s a bitter sweet story about love and duty, which really makes you feel for the main character who has everything she needs to survive, but is consigned to a life of perpetual loneliness. The idea of her living alone at the top of a hotel very much put me in mind of Rapunzel, though unlike Rapunzel, Medra is not rescued from her fate by the hero. The story has a dreamlike narrative which immediately pulls you in, but only gradually yields its secrets. The world building is excellent too. There is just the right amount of detail and images like the abandoned city, the skeletal birds and the hotel with its wedding cake architecture and climbing lizards are among the most memorable in the whole book. All in all it’s a story I would highly recommend. NUNC DIMITTIS I wanted to talk about this one because it’s another vampire story, yet completely different from BITE-ME-NOT. It’s about the human servant of an ancient vampire who finds he is close to death and sets out to find someone to replace him. He goes to a café for a drink and as he leaves a young man attempts to rob him. The man is just the kind of person he is looking for – handsome and strong – so he overpowers him and takes him to meet his mistress. The changing of the guard then begins. The aristocratic vampire in this story is very much in the traditional vein and is even called Darejan Draculas in a tip of the hat to the famous count. It is beautifully written (as usual) and although you anticipate the ending, it keeps you guessing about how it is going to get there. Some of the ideas are reminiscent of the novel LET THE RIGHT ONE IN (and its two movie adaptations), though I have no idea if this is just coincidence or if Lee’s story was an influence. Personally I don’t think this story is as good as BITE-ME-NOT, but I do feel it shows how good Lee was at finding different ways to explore a theme. SOUTHERN LIGHTS If I had to choose a favorite story in the collection, this is probably the one I would go with (after a lot of deliberation). It takes place in a quasi-historical land and is about a woman called Jaisel, who rather than becoming a wife and/or mother as society expects, has chosen a life as a wandering warrior. She likes the freedom, but it is a lonely existence and she often has to put up with being jeered and spat at. One evening, as she is travelling through some mountains in winter, she decides to seek shelter in a convenient town. The gates have been locked for the night, but she is able to bribe her way inside. As she wanders the streets looking for an inn, she meets a girl who has come to collect water from a well. She fills the girl’s buckets for her and carries them back to her house, hoping she might be able to stay with her for the night. The girl invites her in to meet her father, a blind alchemist who specializes in making clockwork devices, and they agree to let Jaisel stay with them. Then as the girl shows Jaisal to her room, she propositions her. Jaisal thinks the girl has mistaken her for a man and tells her she isn’t, but the girl says, “What does it matter? Love is love?” Jaisel is attracted to her, but suspects (rightly) that things are not quite as they seem. There are lots of things I love about this story – the atmosphere, the air of mystery, the pacing, the clockwork toys and automatons. It’s the characters and their interaction that really caught my attention, though. Jaisal was my favorite, as I love to see strong female characters defying the constraints of a patriarchy, but the alchemist was great too – quirky and a little sinister. I was kind of disappointed that the attraction between Jaisal and the girl didn’t lead anywhere, but can understand why that wouldn’t have worked in the context of the story and felt it was very nicely handled. The themes here include otherness, loneliness, love, family and the concept of life. It’s a story I will certainly remember and heartily recommend. WHEN THE CLOCK STRIKES I’ve mentioned a few times how a lot of the stories in this collection have a fairy tale quality to them; this one actually reimagines a fairy tale, namely CINDERELLA. The Cinderella character (who refers to herself as Ashrella) is the daughter of a witch who is attempting to use magic to take revenge on the ruling Duke for murdering her family in his rise to power. Ashrella aids her mother in this and when her mother commits suicide to evade punishment for witchcraft, continues the work in her place. Ashrella’s father remarries and it is the introduction of the stepmother and her two daughters which first alerts us to the CINDERELLA connection. When she reaches the age of seventeen, Ashrella succeeds in killing the Duke and his son replaces him. The famous ball takes place in honor of the prince’s birthday as in CINDERELLA, but the outcome is somewhat different. It’s an intriguing story which subverts the traditional tropes of the fairy tale. Gone is the goody two-shoes heroine who needs to be rescued from a downtrodden existence by a fairy godmother and ends up being swept off her feet the handsome prince, replaced by a powerful woman of action who is seen to be in control of her own destiny and achieves everything she sets out to. This is not to say that she is entirely likeable, however; she very much loses our sympathies when she punishes the virtuous prince for the sins of his father. All the characters in this story are morally complex, rather than being either good or bad, and no one lives happily ever after. If you like reinterpretations of fairy tales then this really is essential reading. WOLFLAND This story really put me in mind of Angela Carter’s collection, THE BLOODY CHAMBER. It is about a girl called Lisel who receives a summons to visit her fabulously rich grandmother. Lisel hasn’t been in her grandmother’s presence since the day of her birth and doesn’t want to go, but agrees because she hopes to inherit her grandmother’s wealth. She puts on a hooded cloak of scarlet velvet (in true Red Riding Hood style) and sets out for her grandmother’s chateau with some of her father’s servants. They are intercepted on the road by two of her grandmother’s servants, who insist that she dismiss her father’s servants and travel the rest of the way with them. Wolves run alongside their carriage as they go, but they make it safely to the chateau. Understandably the encounter with the wolves makes Lisel uneasy and her uneasiness grows as she starts to spend time with her grandmother, who is not only eccentric, but as it turns out, is hiding a dark secret. I won’t tell you what this secret is, though I may have given it away with the references to Angela Carter and Red Riding Hood. Instead let me tell you what I like about the story. The imagery is great as always (the wintery landscape, the isolated chateau) and the characters are memorable, especially the grandmother and her beautiful dwarf servant. Again, it reads like a fairy tale, but like WHEN THE CLOCK STRIKES very much subverts the genre. The grandmother is a strong woman who has managed to find a way to escape an abusive marriage and we very much get the sense that Lisel is cut from the same cloth. Spoiler alert – they do not get eaten by the wolves and no rescuing huntsmen is required. If you’re a fan of THE BLOODY CHAMBER like me, then you are definitely going to enjoy this story. *** That’s all the stories I’m going to talk about, though to be honest I find it hard to stop, as there were things I enjoyed about all of them. What’s great about this book is you don’t have to read it all in one go, but can just dip in and out of it. That wasn’t what I did, mind you – once I’d started reading it, I couldn’t put it down. My only real criticism is I don’t think the book is very well-structured, which is obviously the editor’s fault, as opposed to Tanith Lee’s. The stories are simply set out in alphabetical order, which seems a bit random. It also means BECAUSE OUR SKINS ARE FINER is placed at the beginning, when I personally feel it isn’t one of the strongest stories and doesn’t do a very good job of drawing you in. Perhaps it would have been better for the stories to have been chronological, so we could follow Lee’s development as a writer, or for there to have been some kind of thematic grouping. It certainly didn’t spoil my enjoyment of it – it just seems like it could have been better thought out. Anyway I’m sure you won’t be surprised to hear that my final conclusion is this is a book I would definitely recommend.

[catflowerqueen]

Rescue Team Retrospective Part 3: Setting

Interestingly enough, for all that Pokémon Square is smaller and less populated than Treasure Town or Post Town, it also feels a lot more like an actual community—kind of like Serenity Village did, but not quite as tightly knit. That’s probably due more to how few children there are in Pokemon Square, though. There’s Diglett, Caterpie, and Metapod—but apparently Caterpie and Metapod only met recently, and Diglett seems to mostly just hang out by the Post Office with his dad. I’m not entirely sure he even knows who Caterpie and Metapod are.

In terms of the shops and things, it’s interesting to me that only Kangaskhan’s place and the post office are actually shaped like the proprietors, even though the town is well established and old enough that each shopkeeper also seems to have a house attached to their shop (aside from the dojo, but it’s also fairly big so its possible that Makuhita lives in there too). This makes me think that the town itself is very old, and, in comparison, Treasure Town is actually fairly new? The shops are structured to look like their owners, sure, but there are also a lot of random tents around. Of course, we also know that there have to be some settlements or something nearby considering those mentions of the Azumarill brothers’ mom, so it’s possible that those tents are just, like, break areas that everyone set up in order to save space or something, but it’s still very interesting. I could see Treasure Town as having been established in response to the Guild being built there (and, in turn, I can see Wigglytuff choosing that particular spot specifically so that he could keep an eye on Brine Cave), but it’s still just a little odd since one would expect a coastal area like that to have a thriving port town already, since much of the big explorations happening are more towards the east—indicating that the west is already well known.

Anyways, the whole thing just makes me think that the Rescue Team continent probably had more established settlements in general that the Explorers one does. Probably it has the same level as implied by Gates? And then PSMD takes place over multiple continents, but overall I think it seems to imply more towns and settlements overall. Which makes sense, as it claims to be a culmination of all the other games’ events. Even though I have written multiple posts on the subject of why that makes absolutely no sense.

It’s also a little weird that there was just that random house no one was living in before the hero moved in? Like, that was prime real estate right there. Why was no one else using it? This wasn’t like Sharpedo Bluff, where it was just a natural formation. Someone had literally built a house there. It makes sense as far as general gameplay goes in that you use it as a home base, sure, but in terms of pure story… it’s a bit odd.

It is pretty cool how you can see all the friend areas on the map, though, and get to see just where they are in relation to each other, and even how they look in general in some cases before actually travelling there.

As far as where the game fits on the timeline… I still stand by my earlier thoughts that while I can see Rescue Team and Explorers happening in the same universe, I don’t think they really fit in with Gates or PSMD. Though I can see Gates and PSMD fitting together in their own universe. But as far as Rescue Team and Explorers goes… honestly I think either one of them could happen first? I put Rescue Team happening second for my own stories, sure, but that was so that I could make specific use of some characters, backstories, and plotlines that wouldn’t make sense otherwise.