#(this is a joke. I am almost 24 and do not think I'm old)

[flufflecat]

Got to stolen century in my relisten and started tearing up at work because of magnus carving the duck. Just me in the back room, crying over the dish sink for normal reasons.

[awearywritersworld]

i have for the first time found what i can truly love—i have found you

sukuna x reader summary: you and sukuna go out for a late night meal. gojo finds out about your... relationship. sukuna is forced to take care of you when you come home drunk. w/c: 2.85k tags/warnings: enemies to lovers. fluff. lots of banter. cursing. jealous/protective!sukuna. gojo being a flirt. aged up!yuuji. features a teeny bit of yuuji x reader. drinking and drunk!reader. not canon compliant. fem!reader. no use of y/n. no manga spoilers. a/n: i think i like how this turned out! also, the first two sections could def be read as a fluffy lil stand alone. idc whats happening in the canonverse, sukunas just a tsundere who adores us very much<3 series masterlist // masterlist

"maybe if you stare long enough, food will magically appear," sukuna calls to you from the kitchen table.

"this is no joking matter," you scold from your place in front of the fridge. "i'm starving."

"well, here's an absurd idea— let's go eat."

you turn toward him, finally closing the fridge, and tilt your head to the side. "you eat?"

"of course." he leans back in his chair, folding his arms over his chest. "i typically prefer babies, but hell, i'd even go for an old man right now. i'm famished."

your eyes widen and your mouth falls open. he lets the panic simmer on your face for a few more cruel moments. "i'm kidding, idiot. i eat food, same as you."

"i knew that," you assert. the way your shoulders sag in relief tells him otherwise.

"right," he smirks. after standing up, he grabs your purse and tosses it in your direction. "where to? you're buying."

with only so many places open at midnight, you begin your journey to a 24 hour ramen shop.

you've hardly interacted with sukuna outside of your apartment, so this is certainly an experience you didn't anticipate. and in fact, you're shocked at how normal it feels— almost as if it's a date.

as you walk down the street, people eye him suspiciously because of the dark lines they assume are tattoos. it doesn't bother you though, nor does the lateness of the hour. you know that you're safe because you're with him.

your hands keep brushing against one another's, and you're hoping that he'll eventually take a hint and reach for yours. he doesn't (i mean come on, do you even know who you're dealing with?).

he does at least pick up on your pouty expression with impressive ease. "what now?"

"nothing," you huff.

"don't be a brat."

you sigh dramatically. "you're supposed to hold my hand."

"sure princess," he says condescendingly, lacing his fingers through yours. "maybe use your words next time like a big girl."

he doesn't fail to notice the ensuing skip in your step, and he kicks himself for regarding it as cute.

when you arrive at the ramen shop, sukuna orders no less than three bowls, which earns him a glare once the waitress walks away.

"when i agreed to pay, i didn't know what a glutton you are."

"oh yeah? cause i'm just the picture of temperance any other time?"

you scoff. "well you've got me there."

a sly smirk settles onto his face before he speaks again. "maybe one day you'll learn how greedy i am when it comes to the things i've deemed pleasurable."

you choke on the water you'd just brought to your lips, your face heating up as if it'd been bathed by fire.

wiping at your mouth, you try your best to recover quickly. "whatever, you hellion. as long as that doesn't involve a fourth bowl of ramen."

you're no more than 10 steps away from the shop when you hold out your hand to him. "ahem."

he grabs it roughly and not without rolling his eyes.

"what?" you ask innocently. "that was a word."

"hardly," he jeers. "for as much as you read, i'd expect you to be more fluent than a child."

"and at 1000 years old, i'd expect you to be more charming than a teenage boy, but i guess we're both making concessions."

"see, this is the part that puzzles me. you never seem to have trouble with your words when you're being insolent."

"maybe it's a sign," you begin whimsically. "the universe decided you need to be taken down a peg."

"ah, yes. you as the executor of the universe's will. i don't know why i couldn't see it before."

you giggle, rather delighted that he's elected to play along with your quips. there's something that feels so warm and pleasant about it.

as you wonder if he feels it too, your hand tightens around his.

you're not quite ready to head back to your apartment just yet, because you're scared you'll lose the atmosphere surrounding the two of you. in truth, it's a bit intoxicating.

the perfect opportunity arises when you spot a small park up ahead. lights are strung around the trees, all of which are situated around a small fountain.

"we should stop at that park!" you hardly finish speaking before you take off in that direction, tugging him along behind you.

after you plop down on the fountain's ledge, sukuna takes his place beside you.

"let's sit here for a little while."

he doesn't respond and you take his silence as agreement. he's not really one to stifle his grievances.

as the minutes pass, the rush of the fountain is the only noise that fills the air, while you gaze at the trees with a serene expression.

sukuna, however, is looking at you. the only care he has for the trees is the way their lights reflect in your eyes. otherwise, he's fully occupied by the curve of your nose and the fullness of your lips.

"isn't this pretty?" you finally ask.

"it's pretty," he agrees, even when such a soft word feels foreign on his tongue.

his eyes still haven't left you, and you seem to be oblivious to this fact until he reaches up to stroke your cheek with the back of fingers.

when your gaze lands on him, the fondness written all over his face catches you off guard and you realize how close the both of you are. without really thinking about it, you lean into his touch.

"very pretty," he repeats lowly, as if he's talking to himself.

your heart lurches once in your chest, then hammers away at your ribcage without respite. he leans toward you a fraction of an inch, his eyes flicking down to your lips for a brief second.

truthfully, sukuna has never felt the way he does in this moment. it's a sincere sort of desire. he doesn't want the mindless devotion he once thirsted for from his followers. and he doesn't want the sex he used to crave from his concubines.

no. he just wants you— in whatever capacity you're willing to have him.

the way he's looking at you is just too much. there's a dull thudding in your ears and you swear your thoughts are moving at a million miles a minute.

so naturally, you blurt out the first thing you can manage. "we should take a selfie!"

his face shifts from whatever that expression was to one of confusion. "take a selfie?"

some twisted mix of relief and disappointment crashes through you.

"yeah, a selfie. a picture together. ya know, since the park is so pretty," you ramble.

he pulls away from you. not all the way, but enough that it gives you space to finally breath. he chuckles and it doesn't sound lofty like it so often does. in fact, he seems genuinely amused by you.

"a selfie," he deliberates. "that sounds great, but to the best of my knowledge, hell hasn't frozen over."

and just like that, your dynamic feels like it did during your walk from the ramen shop to the park— comfortable and fun.

"well i guess you would be one of the first to know."

ignoring his protests, you take out your phone and hold it far enough away that the camera captures both of your faces. you can see on the screen that he's put on an expression of complete boredom.

"c'mon," you nudge him with your elbow. "you look like you hate me."

the corner of his mouth curves upward. "that's because i do."

you think back on the way he was gazing at you just moments ago and laugh. "you're so full of shit."

then, without warning, you press a kiss to his cheek and click the button.

you decide that his vague look of contented surprise will just have to do.

when you and yuuji walk into the bar, you immediately spot one of the people you're there to meet. he's sitting at a hightop by himself, his snow white hair pretty hard to miss.

you tap his shoulder and his face breaks out into a grin. he slides out of the barstool. "if it isn't my favorite civilian!"

as he pulls you into a hug, you wonder if he's ever going to get tired of that joke. "if it isn't my favorite old man."

"35 is not old," he argues, moving to greet yuuji. "i'm still in the summer of my life, thank you very much!"

"gojo you're 36," the pink haired man remarks.

"gah! such betrayal, yuuji!" he presses his hand to his forehead and takes a deep breath. "now i'm going to need another round."

"i'll go and get drinks for all of us," you offer. "you two stay here so no one takes the table."

before either of them can respond, you turn and begin making your way through the crowd. you don't hear gojo when he calls out, "but darling! i should go with you!"

he takes a step in your direction, but stops when sukuna's mouth appears on yuuji's cheek. "you certainly should not, you insufferable half wit."

"relax, dude. he flirts with literally everyone," yuuji informs him.

gojo scoffs. "i am right here—"

"as if that makes it better?" sukuna barks. "she isn't some toy to be played with."

"of course she isn't! you can't honestly think i'd believe otherwise."

gojo is left forgotten for a moment as the other two bicker, so he interjects once there's a lull in the conversation. "do either of you care to explain what the hell is going on?"

yuuji turns toward him, trying and failing to hide the embarrassment on his face once he realizes that gojo is, in fact, still standing there.

his eyebrows are raised above his sunglasses and it's clear he is inappropriately amused by the situation (what else is new?). he moves to sit across from the younger man, looking at him expectantly.

having no way to talk himself out of this, yuuji relays the recent events regarding you and sukuna, sparing some of the finer details. gojo's face doesn't really betray much emotion throughout the story, though he does look thoughtful by the end of it.

leaning forward, he crosses his arms on top of the table. "maybe your feelings for her are influencing his own, forcing a sort of bond between them?"

"i don't think so," yuuji contends honestly. "other than her, you're the person i admire and respect the most, but he thinks—"

"that you are perhaps the most imbecilic rampallion i've ever had the displeasure of coming across."

gojo jerks back, as if the insult had hit him squarely in the jaw. the look of giddiness from yuuji's compliment, followed by the shift to indignation at sukuna's insult is almost comical.

he stretches his neck forward, cupping his hand around one side of his mouth as if it'd keep sukuna from hearing. "what'd he just call me?"

yuuji shrugs. "beats me, but i don't think he was singing your praises."

"i see your point." gojo pauses, glancing over his shoulder. you're approaching the table, so he turns back to yuuji and quickly adds, "we'll talk more about this another time, but for now, keep this between us."

a few moments later, you appear in front of them and exclaim, "look who i found!"

megumi and inumaki situate themselves around the table too, offering their greetings. you slide yuuji and gojo their drinks, both of which are filled to the brim of the glass. "now then gentlemen, shall we?"

when gojo teleports you and yuuji back to your apartment that night, it takes everything in you to keep from yakking all over your carpet.

"ta ta, hooligans!"

you turn to request that he never do that again, but he's already gone. taking one step forward, you promptly fall on your ass in the entryway with an unforgiving thud. yuuji staggers toward the couch, making it there just in time to face plant into the cushions.

looking down toward your shoes, you're dismayed to find that each one appears to have two sets of laces. you're fumbling with them determinedly when someone crouches down in front of you, their elbows resting on their thighs.

he doesn't say a word. brushing your hands away, he unties your shoes and carefully pulls them off your feet. you're lifted from the floor before you can register the arm that's looped under your knees or the other that's securely around your back.

"careful," you hiccup, your head falling into the crook of his neck. "'m gunna p-puke."

"i'd rather you didn't."

you groan. "s'not like i 'ave a choice in the matter."

he hums. "how much did you drink?"

"dunno. sss'much. nobara—" you hiccup again. "nobara n' maki made me."

he chuckles, placing you down on what you figure is your bed. "right, i'm sure you had no choice in the matter."

"tha's correct, yes."

unbuttoning your jeans, he tugs upward on your belt loops. "lift."

you do as he says, lifting your hips from the bed so he can slide your jeans off your legs. he knows you won't remember this— hell, your eyes are already closed— but he looks away as he does it anyway.

pulling your phone from your pocket and putting it on the charger, your pants are discarded off to the side. he only turns his head back in your direction once he's pulled the blankets up over your body.

"tuck me in?" you request.

sitting down on the bed beside you, he does so without protest.

he stares at you for a little while, worried about how poorly you're probably going to feel in the morning. he presses a kiss to your forehead, intending to get up and grab a water bottle for your nightstand.

instead, his body freezes when he hears you mumble, "i love you s'much."

his heart clenches so painfully, he honestly considers ripping it from his chest— it would probably be less agonizing.

but a thought that makes him feel like a fool occurs to him. of course it's not him that you love. "i'm not yuuji."

"well, duuuhhh. you're s'kuna." you're peering up at him through tired, hazy eyes. it's the first time you've ever seen him look bewildered, so a small giggle erupts from your throat. "s'okay. you don't 'ave t'say it back."

your eyes flutter shut and your breathing evens out before he even thinks to respond. all at once, it's as if his head is empty and as if it's about to explode.

love?

what does he know about love? it's a sentiment he's cursed for so long, but sitting here beside you, he can't quite seem to remember why. one thing he is sure of, however, is that there's never been a thing in the world he's loved.

suddenly, he's struck with remembrance of a quote from jane eyre you had emphasized with messy underlines:

"after a youth and manhood passed half in unutterable misery and half in dreary solitude, i have for the first time found what i can truly love—i have found you. you are my sympathy—my better self—my good angel. i am bound to you with a strong attachment. i think you good, gifted, lovely: a fervent, a solemn passion is conceived in my heart; it leans to you, draws you to my centre and spring of life, wraps my existence about you, and, kindling in pure, powerful flame, fuses you and me in one."

rochester says it as he begs jane to stay at thornfield with him, an act sukuna had previously regarded as ridiculous, but is that still the case?

were you to ever scorn him, would he fall to his knees and plead with you to change your mind? or if you were in danger of dying, would he drag himself to a shrine and pray to the gods he doesn't believe in?

is that what love is?

could he stand to be apart from you? are you special to him? does anything else in the world compare to you? does he seek out your company? is he consumed by you? can he know himself without knowing you?

does the definition of love lie in those questions?

sukuna hopes not, because he's terrified of the answers. being in love is not his way, nor is it in his nature.

he buries his face in his hands as realization settles into his bones. it feels as if they're splintering beneath the pressure, trying resentfully to stave it off.

he transcends any imaginable scale of power. he's bled entire villages dry, he's commandeered death, he's the king of curses.

so why now? and why you? is it divine retribution? a sick sort of joke that even he couldn't have dreamed up?

gods, you were right. the universe has sent you to carry out its will and he's completely powerless to stop it.

the worst part of it all? he doesn't want to.

taglist: @96jnie @ay0nha @sad-darksoul @bbysatoruuu @luciiferian @thepup356 @risuola *users in bold could not be tagged

[prettygirl-gabi]

Rainy Streams

Rating: General Audiences

Warning:Fluffy fluff, even more fluff

Category:F/M

Fandom: Vinnie hacker (streamer,  tiktoker)

Relationships: !boyfriend Vinnie x !f reader

Summary: You and Vinnie do a late night 24 hour stream

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Vinnie has become a household name in the online world, especially with the teen girls and gamers. However, what many people don't know is that behind his charismatic persona lies a soft-hearted and affectionate person who loves nothing more than spending time with you, his girlfriend.

One rainy night, you and Vinnie were cuddled up on the couch in the cozy apartment watching your all time favorite anime. As you snuggled closer together under a warm blanket, Vinnie turned his head to rest on yours and said, "I have an idea. How about we do a 24-hour stream together?"

You looked at him skeptically. "Are you sure? That's going to be a lot of work, plus its like 3 am right now."

Vinnie grinned mischievously. "Come on Y/n, it'll be fun! We can play games, chat with the fans, and just hang out all night long. Please baby."

You couldn't resist Vinnie's infectious enthusiasm and agreed to the idea. You and Hera watched as Vinnie quickly set up the equipment and started streaming.

"Hey guys I wanted to do a 24-hour stream at 3 am how smart of me right, but I'm gonna have help form my lovely girl to keep me up with you all!" Vinnies stated as he pulled you onto his lap.

As the hours ticked by, you and Vinnie played games together while chatting with the fans who had tuned in from all over the world. The rain continued to pour outside as you laughed and joked around like old friends with chat. The both of you kept taking turns plaing a few rounds with some of the fans from chat just to keep this interesting.

At one point during the stream, You leaned on head on Vinnie's shoulder with Hera in your arms as he wrapped his arm around your waist. "I'm so glad we're doing this," he whispered.

"Me too," you replied softly as you kissed his neck without squashing Hera.

You were about 12 hours into the stream

As the both of you played game after game. Exhausted but happy from how early you both decide to start streaming together, you both had ended up in the pull out bed from the couch in each other's arms.

But the stream was still going and you could tell that some of the fans we just rolling in or just lurking the stream.

"That was the most amazing sleep ever," you said with a yawn.

Vinnie smiled sleepily at you as he rubbed his eyes."Yeah, it was. But you know what's even better?"

"What?" You asked while yawning once again.

Vinnie leaned in and kissed you gently on the lips. "Spending time with you."

The cause you to blush and snuggle closer to him. "I love you," you whispered.

"I love you too," Vinnie replied as they took turns keeping the stream interesting while they each got ready and freshend to finish out the stream.

"So Vinnie they said we should cook dinner to end the stream, watcha think." You asked us you look up with the most purest doe eyes ever. "Yeah, yeah let's do it."

Buy the time the both of you were done the kitchen was a mess, the food had long been devoured and stream was ticking closer to the 24 hour mark.

"Alright chat, we're done with our food and it's almost 3 am. I just wanna say thanks for watching and staying the whole stream, and also if we don't post for two days we're sleeping." You chuckled at his statement but nod in agreement.

"Yeah even though we took at 4 hour nap it didn't help much, but we will do another 24-hour stream in a few weeks and we shall be better prepared." You stated as you yawned once more for the 10th time

"Yes but for now everyone, everywhere, I hope you all have a good morning, day, or night, we shall be going to sleep now."

After you both said your final farewells you both crashed and you crashed hard. "Sleep well baby, you deserve it." You said in a low tone as you drift into a deep sleep.

[watchingblsnowandforever]

We Are Ep.11

Part 1

*sits with half a tub of ice cream with both AC and fan on because my AC is old and needs a little help and puts my cat on Do Not Disturb mode (aka scratching his belly)*

Hello!!!!

Welcome back to my crack posting! =D

Warning: long post, and since I have like 60 screenshots, there will be a part two 😊😅

I wrote that intro before I'd watched the ep. Me as I was watching the ep was mostly incoherent screaming (so much so that my cat woke up from his nap to give me "what the hell, hooman" look).

This episode was amazing, and I loved it, and I'll probably die of too much fluff, but that won't happen before I finish watching We Are (which- WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE ARE JUST 5 EPS LEFT?!!).

I was giggling and kicking my feet (just like Peem the morning after that Prince Charming kiss) from the very first scene.

Oh, they are so gone for each other (and I am gone for them 😭). The smiles, the trying to hear what the other is doing just across the door ah

So, so true. As a writer that hits.

Also, I'm very glad they decided to showcase creative blocks, even if it was for a few minutes.

Me to PhumPeem: yes, Peem, I would love to know too.

Also- I really wanna know what Ciize was doing back there 😭

Too cute to handle 😭

Jokes (and puns) aside, this scene is quite significant. Previously, whenever Phum was seen in the vicinity of the Fine Arts building, it was only because he wanted something from Peem (yes even that scene in ep. 8, he wanted company from Peem), but now, he's just sitting there waiting for Peem. And when Peem comes down, he's pinching his cheeks right there and acting cute with him and asking what's wrong.

And he keeps on asking, because he can see that Peem is a little moody, and not his usual self. "You're usually livelier than this."

Phum: "Actually, I want to be water too..."

Me: No way, is this what I think it is?

Phum: "I want to be the reason you feel good."

Me: yeah, yep, that's what I thought

No but, you can't tell me Phum doesn't binge watch BLs with his beloved teddy bear. Of course he has a whole arsenal of cheesy flirting lines.

All this time, it was always Phum telling Peem how comfortable he is around him and his friends, how fun it is.

Welp, it's Peem's turn.

I love Phum.

This is both him asking for consent as well as making sure they're on the same page and going at the same pace (which he always does, as I'd said before).

Also, no, he wants you to get closer.

HANDS.

Hear how polite and soft Q is with Toey now? Once Q knew for sure that he's allowed to show affection towards Toey as more than just a mentor/mentee, he decided to be fluffy as heck and never went back (because his love language is giving and showing through actions).

Love that for them both <3

This is such a valid fear.

He was afraid that his love would be too much, and in the process he'd lose the person he loves again, so he thought it better to just suffer alone than confess. Not gonna lie, my heart broke just a little here. (Also, because I'm currently rewatching MSP, I'll be pulling a lot of parallels, and this reminds me of that scene where Sound tells Gun that he's afraid to confess to Win because he's pretty sure he'll get rejected).

Oh, and I keep forgetting to say this, but Satang is such an amazing actor. Watching Sound and Toey, I almost can't believe they're played by the same person.

Phum's lethal weapon and Peem's fatal weakness 😭

Let's be honest though, no one would be able to resist that smile, those eyes and that soft, "Na, krab". Oh yeah, he used polite pronouns here by the way.

I can't always notice the shift from formal to informal or vice versa because I'm not that well-versed in the language (yet) but this was pretty obvious.

Bonus (Peem's reaction):

Tan: flirts with his theerak non-stop 24/7 Fang: *brushes his hair a little and apologizes for making him wait* Tan: *melts into a blushing mess*

That man is so whipped.

And in this house, we stan all whipped men.

This actually reminds me of when I was a wee baby (around 3 or 4 years old, I think) when I rescued a baby sparrow and took it to my dad and told my neigbours my dad would be able to heal it because he's a dcotor (he isn't a vet either) 😭

Also- naming a bird by another bird is so true to Pun's character.

This so relatable oh gods 😭

Also, we got the princess carry for Pride month! Twice if we count Chain lifting Pun in the waterfall, which I totally do.

We finally get being carried to bed but realizing they're laying on top of the blankets instead of just being magically wrapped in them by morning!

*sighs fondly* such a simp. <3

Uh huh, you said that last time too.

Don't lie, Peem, you'd let him hug you every night.

👀

Is this the reason behind the NC rating?

Also, this singular line just gave me a brain worm that is making me write my first smut fic. I blame y'all for getting me into this series.

Yes, of course, Phum, everyone believed your "snort mi mi mi".

Don't think I didn't see your little secret smile, Peem.

(Also, I have a headcanon that Phum just loves to be the little spoon)

Now who's hugging who, huh?

"Go away", he says, while putting his arm around his (not) boyfriend.

See, it was all fun till this point, but you can't be giving me this level of domestic fluff while at the same time telling me they're not even dating yet. That just doesn't work.

So, for me, from this point on, they're an old married couple <3

Frankly though, all the four couples in this series are old married couples that just don't know they're married yet.

Toey: HELP ME!!!

Q: WHAT HAPPENED WHO NEEDS BEATING UP-

Toey: I forgot to do my assignment and today's the deadline 🥺

Q: ... 😑

You don't...?

I thought that was the perfect time to start working on it?

jk jk, kids, I'm a chronic procrastinator, please don't learn from me, learn from your P'Q

(Q reminds me so much of @desi-yearning when she scolds me after I pull an all-nighter to submit an assignment or study for an exam 😭)

Oh. Oh.

Oh my.

I love this scene so much.

This pencil box is very very special to Q, and he's asking Toey to draw on it - something that is irriversible, as Toey himself says.

But this is Q's way of putting together both his loves. This pencil box was picked up by Toey the first time, but back then, Q only knew him as Milk Frappe Boy.

Now, he's asking Toey to do something Milk Frappe Boy would never have been able to (remember, Toey started taking an interest in art only after meeting Pencil Senior), because Pencil Senior disappeared on Milk Frappe Boy, but Q would never disappear on Toey.

On this note, I end Part 1.

Part 2 will be out tomorrow, because as much as I try to deny it, I have these pesky things called responsibilities to attend to, and it's very late here now (not past my regular bed time, but way past my ideal bed time 😭)

Thank you for reading! 😊

Here, have some pizza and a cookie🍕🍕🍪

[If you want, my previous posts: Ep. 8 Ep.9 Ep.10]

And here's Part 2

[yuurivoice]

Hi Yuuri, I love how your work is written for all genders.

Have you ever considered the age range of your audience? In some stream, you had explained your boys don't aging and also you said they don't have certain age. I'm 45 years old. I imagine I'm same generation of Derek.lol In fact, many of your fans are much younger than me, (well, only just never seen someone like my age though) I want to think that it would be okay for any person to enjoy any work. Don't you think so, too? (please say yes🥺)

Thank you.

It is absolutely okay and more than welcome! A whole lot of folks I know who are long-time listeners are in the 30+ club and higher, and that also includes me! I'm grown grown, and while the demographics are strongest in the 18-24 range, I think the core of my community has a much larger percentage of folks older than that.

I also carry myself a certain way, which I think cultivates a more mature base and sets the expectations of the way folks tend to interact with me.

Specifically in reference to the boys and their listeners, in most scenarios it's almost entirely ambiguous. They might make some references to jokes or pop culture that could break immersion, but in the broader sense...yeah! Them boys love their listener regardless, and I certainly am not going to be like oh NO don't do that!

They're here for good vibes, comfort or otherwise, as well as wish fulfillment and telling stories! If the listener is comfortable, so are the boys. 💖

[alicesmindpalace]

I've decided that I'm gonna take the excuse of Anthony's birthday 🎂 as a chance to make a quick post to explain why I love and respect this guy so much.

For context, I have been a Smosh fan since 2013 and as you can imagine, it's been a real rollercoaster 😆, but I am glad I stuck around because in the end it was really worth it.

I think the main reason why I am still around and I'm still here in my late 20's (yeah, I'm old lol) is that Ian and Anthony as people more than as creators, always kinda hit a little different for me.

Ian and Anthony are so precious to me, and I will never shut up about how Anthony deserve a lot more praise and understanding.

Because sure, being good looking in our society is a big advantage but being known as "the hot one" in a comedy duo isn't that easy. Anthony's contributions get overlooked often because of this dumb old mindset and I think it's really unfair tbh.

Anthony has a great sense of humor, even if he doesn't make jokes 24/7 he can immediately recognize what makes something funny, hone in on it and use it to make the situation funnier. He built a media empire doing that if you really think about it! He really found a golden goose and immediately knew what to make of it. Anthony and Ian BOTH (that's right both) have a great sense of humor and it's very compatible, which is why Smosh became a thing imo.

Of course, the best part of this is that you can't have a sense of humor and be stupid, it's impossible, you can be funny and be an idiot yeah, but having a sense of humor needs quick thinking, an ability to recognize subtle patterns, the contradictions, making unexpected connections all of that good stuff, which means that these two guys are also really intelligent.

Which makes sense because Anthony was already building websites when most of the people his age were clicking around on Newgrounds. He created two successful buissness form scratch, boy is smart! 🙌

He came from nothing and got to where is now which is very impressive.

That's also why another thing that I respect about him, is that he almost never mentions how hard it's been for him during his childhood or uses it to gain sympathy even though it would be really easy to do it. He only mentioned the difficult situation at home and his mother's problems a few times in all these years on camera. He still is mentally struggling these days because he didn’t have an easy life but he doesn't use it to get pity or attention, like a lot of people on the internet do.

He really is one of the only remaining unproblematic internet creators that there are left and he managed to be one of them for decades.

There is no dirt on him. He is a nice person and that's probably the most important thing for me tbh and the reason why I could never just forget of Ian and Anthony or get over them or just swap them for some else. Finding Smosh to me felt as mind blowing as finding two four leaves clovers right next to each other.

Even when things went south and they separated, they were never spiteful or malicious, like (a lot of) other people are in these situations, and both handled it with so much respect. They could have made up stuff and thrown shade or dirt to make themselves appear in the right but they didn't. We maybe not know all the details but even just the way they still love and think of each other now after the worst went down tells you who they really were and are as people behind close doors.

I have so much more to say but it would get too long, so, yeah, this is (part lol) of the reason I love and respect Anthony Padilla so much.

These are only my thoughts of course, I'm talking for me, but I hope you enjoyed (will probably do one for Ian's birthday as well and talk about more of the reason Ianthony are my all time favorites 🤞).

[leviraaaaaa]

Birthdays? (Levi x reader)

Cw: small mentions of negligent parent and sibling's death.

Note: Omg, reader is almost disgustingly optimistic here I'm almost cringing 😭. I found this as an old WIP and I'm too tired to even edit it lol. So it's kind of ew.

.

"Birthday?" Levi stared at you sceptically, unsure where the curiosity came from.

"Yes, sir. Birthday."

When Levi had stared at you silently, you looked up. Actually horrified. "Wait, no way. Tell me you know what birthdays are–"

"Of course I know—what the hell do you think of me?" He huffed defensively, scowling at you in annoyance.

"Yeah well, just in case you don't, it's the day when you're born."

"Shut up," he groans. "What do you actually want?"

"What? I'm just curious." You leaned back on your chair, raising an eyebrow at his accusation.

"Why would you want to know that? Why would you even care?"

"I don't know. I just do. Go on, tell me."

"No." He replies flatly. "You tell me what's actually your intent. You're always up to some shit. I don't trust you, this has to be a trick of yours of some sort."

"Ouch?" You gasp in mock offense.

Levi stared at you, searching your face. Then he sighed. Caving. "...I'm not sure"

You were surprised. You didn't expect that answer. "Like...at all? You don't remember at all? What did you put in the forms when you joined the military?"

He hesitated, thinking about it. "....I remember. Sort of. Just..not sure." He shrugged. "I remember my mom doing something special for me on a certain day every year but it was so long ago I can't pinpoint which day it was."

"Pick a guess, go on." You leaned forward excitedly, eyes shining.

He scoffed at your eagerness, but then shifted his eyes downcast. And he was deep in thought, in a time long gone. "I mean.." He spoke in a low voice, his tone unsure. "If I had to guess, I'd say late December. The weather would be cold. And...a lot more people would come down here from the surface to for...entertainment because of new year holiday."

You remembered that his mom was a prostitute. You waited a few seconds, closely observing his face for any hint of uneasy or that he was uncomfortable before continuing again.

"So...like 30-31 December?"

"Nah." He shook his head. "A little earlier perhaps. Like around 25th I think. At least that's what I submitted in the papers."

You thought about it for a few seconds, eyes on him as he stared of to somewhere distant.

"So.." You said. "You've... never celebrated your birthday since..right?"

"Are you joking?" He huffed frustratedly, almost affronted that you even thought of it. "Look at my life, this seems celebratory to you? I try not to die everyday."

"Yes but...that's no reason not to celebrate a birthday." You spoke slowly, shrugging.

Levi shook his head. He couldn't even believe you thought he would celebrate such a... thing like a birthday. As if there wasn't enough shit in his life.

"What am I? 11? It's just a day. It's nothing special. The sun rises in the east, sets at the west. There are 24 hours and the clock ticks just regularly. Why should it be any different?"

"But.." You seemed almost surprised about how he viewed it. "That's not true. Birthdays are special."

He raises an eyebrow, unamused.

"Well, I mean," You add almost defensively, but also in an attempt to make him understand." It means that..many many years ago, a life was created right? In this very day, a heart started to beat and a pair of lungs took their first breath. A whole damn human being... how is that..how is that not special, captain?" You say, resting your head on your folded arms above his desk, staring at him.

He frowned at you, as if he can't quite understand why you're so insistent to convince him. Also slightly confused to hear the way you thought about it. "...you romanticize everything."

"That's because the world is a beautiful place."

"Not for people like us. For you perhaps."

"No, sir. You just need to know how to see." You grinned, rising from the chair. You walked to the window that was behind his chair, leaning over the edge as fresh air caressed your face gently. "Have you ever seen the sunset? And the sunrise? That smell when the first rain hits the ground, soaking up earth? The soft little sounds, and maybe if you're lucky a rainbow too? When stars glitter all over the sky and it's a full moon night? You see it everyday, and yet it's everyday you're left just as mesmerized than the day before."

"I don't like it when you're being philosophical"

You sighed. "Look..I'm not saying it's not cruel." You turned your head so you can look at him. His head was turned, eyes on his paperwork. "But..that's the price to pay. Being alive is a wonderful thing, sir. Being born, even more so. You may think your existence is a small thing comparatively, but that's so wrong, captain. Because just think for a second, what would the world do without you? What would've happened to humanity?"

"There would've been someone else to replace me." He replied nonchalantly, not even bothering to look at you.

"No, captain." You say softly. "Everyone has a reason. No one comes here without one. Being born.. that's a gift. That's a chance to live, love and laugh. And birthday's are a way to remind that to yourself when life becomes unkind. That many years ago, your mother held you in this very same day for the first time." You paused when you saw his shoulders tense, considering if you should say the next words. You hesitated. Would it be okay for you? Would that be crossing a line? Then after several seconds of silence, you parted your mouth, the next words soft but firm. "And I don't know how I know, captain." You sigh. "But believe me, and I assure you, you were the best thing that happened to her."

Somewhere in the room a clock ticked away, your heartbeat beating along with it. And with every second of silence, it got harder to breathe.

Have you crossed the line?

"..you've put a lot of thought into this." He finally responded. The same bored, monotonous tone, not a single hint that your words had affected him in any way.

You exhale in relief. "Not really." You said, shaking your head. "It's my little brothers birthday today. A reminder that he existed once."

Levi shifted this time, just the barest turn of his head towards you.

"...I'm sorry to hear that."

"Don't be. I'm not." You tell him, waving him away. "Perhaps it's better this way, the world wouldn't have been any kinder to him had he survived."

You stared at your feet. It had been years since you've watched your family die in Shiganshina. The pain was less now, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. You swallowed.

"...so," Levi asked suddenly. "When's your birthday?"

You were surprised, completely caught off guard by the sudden question. He's the last person you thought would ask such a question. "Mine?" You thought. Then smiled. "I don't know." A nervous laugh.

"...you're joking." He turned to fully look at you this time, eyes narrowed.

"Yeah no." You say sheepishly. "I just randomly selected a date when I had to fill out the papers. I have no idea what my actual birthday is. I don't even know my age."

"How do you not know?" He says in disbelief. He didn't expect to hear this.

You shrugged, flexing your arms absent mindedly. "My mom wasn't ever really sober for me to ask such casual things. And I was too busy trying to keep us alive to care."

Levi observed you quietly. There was a strange sort of shadow in your eyes. Not quite sadness..it was more melancholic really.

"So all that shit, and you don't even know it yourself?"

"That's fine, captain. It's everyday I wake up and am grateful because I was born." You leaned back from the window, turning to look at him, your eyes gleamed in the sunlight.

"...I will honestly never understand where you get that energy from." Levi shakes his head, almost mortified hearing your answer. He never understood how someone could be this unbelievably hopeful.

I grin. "Look outside, captain. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Live it."

-

Levi hadn't thought much of the conversation. He had almost forgotten it. Until it was the 25th of December and he found a package of his favorite tea placed on his desk.

A note was scribbled on a post-it on top of it.

'Thank you for existing. I hope you smile a little today, captain.'

He did. Just a little.

He stood stiffly, staring at it, eyes going over the short lines and the small words over and over, memorizing every little curve. He almost snorted when he saw the little balloon you drew in a corner.

Maybe life wasn't so bad after all.

Perhaps the world was indeed, as beautiful as you had said.

How could it be not when you existed in the same world, right beside him?

[technologyculturedneo]

It Burns | Lee Mark

"I bet you if the roles were reversed, if I went out there and fucked another woman while you were here with our child- you wouldn't even spare a moment to listen."

Pairing. Boyfriend!Lee Mark X Girlfriend!Reader

Genre. Angst. Established couple. Break up. Lovers to ex's.

Synopsis. With your half naked pictures circulating around social media, Mark waits for you to get home to have a talk.

Warning. Minor cusses. Low-key smut. Breakup. Your heart might get broken.

Playlist. Nct Dream My first love. Literally First burn Hamilton.

Part 2: It burns: The second time around

"So dad, you finally noticed," Mark's low chortle is a result of his 9 year old son, standing next to him reaching the height of his shoulder. Looking up into his dad's eyes, with sleezy cocky eyes he speaks. "You're getting old dad,"

Mark shuts his phone, chugging it into his pocket while looking for some stashed biscuits in one of the kitchen cabinets. "What? You think I'd feel intimidated by a shorter version of me?" His sister sent him a message, but it'd have to wait- especially since his son is feeling like a gigachad and is ready for his late night dessert.

"I'm a better version. Built differently from the ground up,"

"Boy please, you know you're built from the DNA of your mother and I," Mark plays along and moves to the next cabinet with his son still following. "Speaking of which, it's about time your mother gets back, don't you think?"

"Look at you avoiding the topic," his son smirks once before turning serious and looking smug. "Face it old man, soon I'll take over,"

"I'm not going anywhere," Mark, with another low chuckle, finally finds the stash in a medium sized basket. In a mocking tone Mark says, "Now mummy said, you'll get one, but I'mma be cool and give you 5 since you've grown a little,"

"A little?" His son pulls of a smolder causing Mark to stare at him in amusement and confusion. His son is a comedian. Mark tries to be serious... but his face exposes him as someone seconds away from bursting out in a laugh. "How does that make you feel dad?

Mark leans on the counter platform while his son tries to be cool and eats from the packet of his chocolate biscuits still dipping it in his milk like a child. Mark tries (evidently) hard to wipe the smile of his face and be serious, but he can't help when his shoulders shudder and he laughs.

"I'm a successor. Isn't that why you and mum made me?"

"Ethan, you're 9 and I'm 24. I'm a classic. Buddy you're just a remake no one asked for. A lazy cash grabber if I may add," Mark jokes maintaining his composure when Ethan, his 9 year old son does a 'pfft' in disbelief.

"You only exist to mow my lawn for free," Mark gets Ethan in a headlock ruffling his hair.

"What do you think I am? Child labor?" Ethan peeks at his dad with such smooth eyes- almost trying to charm him.

Mark ends up just looking at his son with a smile, not minding the almost so called intimidating persona. "It's called an allowance son, it's for you to know your place in the house,"

"My place?" Ethan scoffs getting back his smirk. In that moment Mark thinks to himself how he should cut down Haechan and Ethan's meeting time. Slowly but surely Mark can see Haechan in his son, and that's not something he'd be too thrilled about. It'd be fun, but Mark wouldn't be able to take his own son seriously- just like Haechan. "My place will soon be the man of the house,"

That's Mark's cue to laugh out loud standing up straight and smacking the back of Ethan's head. "Should I remind you who's in charge?"

"Dad you think those old tricks would still work on me?" Ethan stands in front of his dad with a proud and arrogant smirk. He's probably enjoying this as much as his dad. After all Ethan enjoyed fooling around with his dad- more than you, his mum. "I've outgrown you father. I'm sleeping on my own tonight. No need to tuck me. Be sure to tell mum I closed the light." And with that Ethan winks with a clicking sound leaving his lips. "I guess I should be the one telling you then, it's passed your bed time daddy."

Mark stands in amusement, astonishment and shock. He can only chuckle to himself once Ethan is gone. "Did he just call me daddy?" Staying alone in the kitchen, Mark reminisces on the conversation he had with his son and can't help but faintly chuckle every time. His son always seemed to amaze him every time. And tonight, he would definitely fill you in on Ethan's humor. "He thinks he has rizz,"

When he mentioned he had a day off today- he was expecting a netflix and chill with you (as he rarely saw you because of his tight work schedule) yet you were quick to exclude him from your plans with the girls and needed him to watch over Ethan. He didn't mind, he was relaxed about it too.

He takes a seat after drinking some water and checks the time.

You should've gotten home by now. But for some reason it's past 10pm and you're not in the house. Mark sighs and shrugs his shoulders deciding to wait for you in the living room.

But when time went by and he fetched Ethan like he normally did on all days, he thought you'd be home since Ethan finished school around 4pm. You were always home around 4-5pm. So naturally the house was always vibrant whenever he came home, but this time when he came home and the house was the same as he left it- he was a little downcasted but shrugged it off and made food with his son.

Well from there on, it became a regular father and son afternoon. Which again, Mark didn't mind.

Despite his hectic schedule, Mark always tried and never failed to make time for both his girlfriend and son. And this time Ethan got a whole lot of time with his dad.

Everyone was happy.

Mark checked in on you a couple of times, to which you responded with how you were alive. Mark smiled it off adding how he wanted you to have fun.

Honestly, Mark partially felt guilty most of the times when it came to you.

At the time, he was only 16 and you were 15. What the hell could the two of you possibly know about sex? It was an experiment you both tried. Boyfriend and girlfriend. Nothing wrong there. The problem is, it only takes one time for a seed to be planted. Neither of you had condoms, and were both sure that you weren't going to be pregnant.

That's until, the bump started to form.

Although it wasn't Mark's body, he was anxious. You kept brushing it off saying that it's because you loved eating like the food hungry pig you were.

But when days and months passed, and your friends jokes began to simmer down, and his friends would start making jokes of you actually being a mum, and your parents began worrying- it was bound for you to start taking things seriously.

There's no way you were pregnant. Mark was positive of that fact, mainly because he was religious and kept believing that it was a mistake and that God wouldn't let that happen.

You secretly went to the store with him to buy a pregnancy test. The cashier was surprised seeing you and him but you both joked it off that it was for your mum. So being safe at your house, you peed on the purple stick and both you and Mark relaxed and waited for the results. Nothing could prepare you both for the results of the test.

Mark claimed that it had to be fake and that you needed to go to the hospital. He went with you, hand in hand like the loving boyfriend he was and made sure to be more calm while you were freaking out and afraid of the results and most worryingly- your parents reactions.

There was nothing you both could do when the results came out. Your lips kept trembling. You wanted to cry- and you did cry.

You were pregnant.

Mark impregnated you.

The girl who got pregnant at 15.

Despite him always being the sweetest of boyfriends you could ever have asked for- you hated him. And you made sure to let him know how he ruined your life. Every word you said, every action that came after was a result of the shock you had after receiving the results. But your words were still in Mark's head. Permanently. And to this day Mark felt partially at fault that you never had a normal teenage life.

Despite your confidence, once you found out you were pregnant you were crushed at the rumors spreading about you. They always say that the only voice that's loud is your thoughts, but actually it can also be a bunch of strangers that you don't know. Everyone talked about you.

The girl who dropped out of school.

The disappointment child who threw her future away.

The dumb girl who forgot to use rubber.

You were slammed with comments virtually, physically and even inwardly.

Your parents, despite the shame you brought them, stuck to your side. Even though the comments of them being unfit and unworthy ran around their own respective families...they never let you go or talked down on you. And you were thankful for that.

Mark on the other hand; He didn't get worse of a treatment as you (it's what you like to believe). In fact no one even knew him to be the one who impregnated you. Except your friends and his friends, no one said a word to him. However, his parents weren't so supportive. They reprimanded him. And you know just how much Mark's parents mean to him, so for them to cast him out into the streets broke your heart. And bit by bit, you became calm and stopped telling him that you hated him and that it was all his fault.

Your parents took him in, and you both dropped out of school.

Without qualification, he managed to find work and has been working ever since. Despite Mark and his parents relationship being broken, his father was generous enough to continuously tell people that he had a son who was looking for work. Despite his father not seeing him- some of the best opportunities that came Mark's way were a product of his father's.

And with that, Mark made sure to never disappoint but rise to the table and make ends meet. For his girlfriend, his girlfriends parents, his parents, and of course the unborn child which they both chose to keep.

Mark was financially smart, so investments into right businesses, and profits in right settlements all came together and he was finally able to take care of his girlfriend and 2 year old child without being a hindrance to your family.

They never said it to his face, but he knew they accepted him into their house because you talked them into it.

But through it all, Mark never had a hard heart. He was remorseful and kept trying to make it up to you, your family and his family (who were slightly on communication terms...occassionally they wanted to meet their 'grandson' and Mark and you.)

It was awkward going from a solidly good relationship with his parents the moment you started dating, to being in whatever zone is going on between them and you. They don't hate you, but they're not saying much to you or Mark. They visit Ethan once a year and aren't that big into his life, our yours or even Mark. You don't know exactly how to feel.

But Mark doesn't wear it over his head, or shoulders...he's always....okay.

Which is why at 3am, driving back in an uber to your house (where you believe your husband could be sleeping) you try not to get too worked up and panicked when noting that all your drunk/texts (screenshots) and hinged pictures of you with your... You choke up on your tears and fan yourself for the tears to go away.

You told Mark you had to spend time with the girls- but really you had to resolve matters before it got out of hand. You've failed to resolve the matter, you've failed to keep it all at bay with Jaemin (a man who's not your boyfriend), you've failed in keeping Jaemin just as a secret. And now the whole of the internet has an idea that you were sleeping with somebody else's boyfriend, while you had your own. Shivering, still with tears in your eyes you look at your phone and try not to cry.

You breathe in and out calming yourself down, trying not to dsiplay emotions on your face. "Mark isn't gonna kill you. He won't get mad. You're okay, okay? Don't cry," You repeat over and over earning cryptic looks from the uber driver. But you could care less about that. Right now your mind is on the floating pictures all around social media with your best friend (the same person who released the pictures) Ryujin's caption:

Since you like meddling in people's relationships so much- why not spill a couple of your secrets too &lt;/3 Bitch who slept with my man.

Actually it's by grace, chance, luck that you and Mark stayed together. After finding out you were pregnant, some weeks passed and you both came clean to your parents. Mark was always there despite your anger, but lowkey even if you never said it out loud you were happy to always have him even in your roughest of moments. And right now, you hope that he can be understanding.

You don't want to hurt him. You don't want to break his trust. You don't even know why you kept meeting up with Jaemin when everything was just so perfect with Mark.

Paying the driver, getting out the car and stepping onto the porch of the new house Mark bought a week ago, you sigh out when seeing all the lights closed.

Walking up the drive way and using your key to open the doors, you pray in your head that Mark is sleeping.

Locking the doors, you make your way, tip toeing through the hallway to the living room and passed the kitchen... where Mark is seated while gripping tightly onto his phone and covering his mouth tightly.

"Mark..."

"Wait, I'm getting to the best part," Mark holds his finger up with a disheartened smile on his face and a dry forced laugh leaving his lips. "He said, can you come over and then you said, my boyfriend's out, why don't you come over. And he responds with a giggling emoji saying what about your son, and you..." Mark huffs and bites on his lip shutting his eyes tightly.

When he opens them again, his clear eyes coat with glossiness. But he let's out another laugh. It sounds painful, heartbreaking and sad. You can only gulp your own lump.

"You said," Mark laughs lightly continuing to read on his phone. "You said his dad and him both went for a sleep over at his parents house. Come over... I'm... I'm lonely. I need you in me." Mark's face scrunches up in bitterness but a forged and forced smile stiffly remains. "He sent emojis, dirty ones. He sent a pic. You sent a pic. And then. You ask him to send the...pictures he took of you."

Mark can't help it, when the smile refuses to remain on his face and he simply bites on his quivering lip covering his eyes.

This time when his voice comes out, it's barely above a whisper, but you can still hear. Even worse because you can hear the pain laced in each and every deep rooted word he says. "Pictures in our room. On our bed. I bought this house last week, and you already invited him in? For how long?" He can't even speak anymore as the words choke up on his throat. "You said I was crazy,"

"Mark please," You quietly step into the kitchen with prayer hands while shaking your head and the tears making your vision blurry.

"You said I was crazy for even thinking it- but I saw the way you looked at him, the way you looked at my sister's lover." Mark breathes out again, a broken chuckle leaving his lips.

The guilt can't grow any higher then it is. You and Mark's adopted sister were always close since school- and when she introduced you to Mark you grew into an even stronger and tighter bond with her. So it doesn't make sense how you not only broke Mark's heart, but you broke Ryujin's trust as well.

"You didn't even have the fucking guts to tell me yourself? I'm guessing you broke it off tonight because you got caught in HD 4K - and you think you can talk your way into my arms right?"

His breathless laugh spreads in the quiet kitchen as he looks up with his eyes as glossy as ever. A vein poking on his forehead.

"You think you can talk your way into my arms because I'm such a nice guy right?" Mark sniffs and uses his back arm to wipe his eyes. "I need to get out of here-"

"Mark please don't go-" The tears slip quietly from your eyes while you hold onto him- your arms circling around his waist. "Please, I promise it's over. I didn't mean it baby, I love-"

"I can't even ask you if it's true, because it's everywhere." He smiles tightly breaking free from your hug and moving back to the counter. "But I'm still gonna ask you this, when were you gonna tell me?"

You try to move forward again yet he slams his fist against the counter. "Just fucking answer the question- don't touch me. Just answer it. When were you gonna tell me?"

"I promise Mark, I was gonna tell you," You pucker your trembling lips, your face breaking into an ugly cry just as you see his own tears coating his eyes again.

His eyes are on yours just for a second before he shakes his head and looks away. He sniffs and buries his face deep in his hands. "You wanna know what's worse?" He cries, but it morbidly turns into a laugh. He panes his gaze towards you, with the most broken look you've ever seen from Him. "These messages..." He covers his face before looking at you, his glossy eyes staring into your own guilty soul. "They date back to 4 years ago. You've been..." His eyes shut as the words fall out inaudibly. "Ryujin is my sister, your best friend. And you slept with him. I don't even know why I'm even believing and trusting in you when the pictures of your nudes are everywhere on my feed-"

"Mark," You words choke up as you take a step... stopping a few inches from him.

"Can you at least answer me why you did it?"

You shake your head taking another hesitant step- but immediately retreat when he sharply spins and punches the top drawers and cabinets. "Mark stop- please stop! Ethan is sleeping lets not wake him up-"

"Ethan?" Mark has to calm himself down, as he feels his emotions suffocating him. "You're going to think of Ethan now after you've just slept with another man? Fucked him for 4 fucking years behind my back and didn't have the slightest bit of remorse or even shame when sending your body- letting him take pictures of you bare and fucking you in my bed where I sleep with you, in our house-"

"I never meant for it-"

"Don't touch me, I can't-" He cuts himself off leaning over the counter only showing his back. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," His curses so low. "We've been together for 9 years Y/n," His face scrunches and he bites on his lip. "And you chose to do this now? What happened? Speak to me. I need to hear your voice, please tell me that I really I am going crazy- that it's a fucking prank- because my stupid mind, body and soul refuses to believe that you cheated on me,"

He turns around and you move forward hugging him even as he pushes you off- you still attach your arms around him before trying to hold onto his hands. You try to pipe up trying to fight back on your own blurry eyes. "Mark I broke it off please don't-"

"Broke it off? Are you sure? Because the pictures of tonight, and the- the texts of your slutty conversation- the graphical back and forth nudes you've been sending- all those pictures are on the internet- everywhere- and you're telling me you broke it off? You're dressed like that and are smiling in every picture with him and you're telling me you broke it off?"

His eyes are in shock, there's sadness in his eyes. Mark who never cries looks like he's at his last straw before the tears would start rushing down. It doesn't even help that seeing you right now only takes you back to the images of tonight and how you looked like you were enjoying the feels of the man's hands being all over your body all those times.

When you left this morning, your attire of an open back- black long fitting dress with a dangerously high slit- didn't bother him. However now, after the pictures he saw of that same dress in a restaurant whereby you were smiling and confidently chatting with another man- that same dress that the man couldn't keep his hands off your legs- made his body quake with anger.

You cry and beg. "Mark please understand, it's over please just forget it. I'm sorry-"

"Online they're saying I'm insecure just because I've got a fine fucking woman, who's enjoying her life while the dad is at home with the child," Mark's lips rattle as he shakes his head in disbelief. "I bet you if the roles were reversed, if I went out there and fucked another woman while you were here with our child- you wouldn't even spare a moment to listen- you'd tell me everything that I've done wrong- you'd never forget, but now because it's you- I should be understanding? Okay? I should be... Cool with it all- that my fucking girlfriend is now accessible to anybody's viewing if they just type in your name right? I'm supposed to not make a fuss because I'm suddenly insecure that my girlfriend can go out, bag some guys, drink and party like she has no family."

You can't hold your tears anymore as they pour out your eyes, your tone in shreds as you stummer out. "Mark I love you so much, I would never-"

His eyes in sharp disbelief peer into your own remorseful eyes. "Don't even lie to me, I'm not fucking naïve!" It's starts with him thrusting his arm far back and throwing his phone against the wall breaking it into millions of pieces just like his heart- before his emotions run wild and he hits on the cabinets. "You don't fucking love me! You don't!" When he picks up the stool and thrashes it against the drawers breaking it- you step back in tears knowing that he's at his peak of anger.

"If you loved me you wouldn't have gone out there!" His voice broken with tears, broken with anger. He hammers the toaster on the floor. Knocks over the trays holding the glasses. "Behind my back! You fucking bitch! Do you even know how much we've suffered to be together!? My house! On my bed! With another man! You don't love me! How could you even! You fucking bitch do you even know how much I love you!?"

Pounds on the cabinets, still yelling his heart out making you cry as you back up. "Mark I'm sorry-"

Thuds, punches, slams against the counter, the glass cabinets. "Does any of this even matter to you?!"

"Mark Ethan-"

"4 years! Fucking 4 years Y/n!? Even you! You let him touch you for 4 years! You let him take my place for 4 years! FUCK!" Mark can't even hear- and when he breaks the glasses in one angry whip he furiously turns to you. "My parents made me chose between you and them and I fucking chose you- they didn't kick me out- I walked out of them because of you. And this is what you do? Y/n not even tw-two years? 4 years!?"

Mark grunts loudly and runs his hand over his head while looking at you. "You told the whole world how you brought a man into our bed?" The tears of anger sprawl out all over his face before he corners you against the wall. "How will you even explain to Ethan the pain you put me through? The embarrassment you put our family through? The shame- we were your legacy! We are your legacy! We fucking became family and then you-! You are my love! 4 years!"

Mark can't control himself anymore. Not wanting to hurt her as she's crying- he balls his fists and storms out the house.

Ethan, worried, anxious, shocked, sad and scared, crouches on the bottom stairs looking as his dad slams the door shut after he leaves. Too afraid to enter the kitchen with his wailing mother, he goes up the stairs quietly, gets under his covers and tries to sleep.

22 Hours after...

Your leg is shivering and bouncing up and down as you stare at your phone. Your tears still stinging your eyes. You messed up. You admit that you've messed up. That you possibly destroyed one for the best relationships you could ever ask for. You cried non stop the whole night in the kitchen, you couldn't even be quiet about it. The kitchen was in shreds with glass and broken objects everywhere. You couldn't even blame Mark for getting angry the way he did.

You felt so guilty and his reaction only made you feel even more guilty. You tried calling him, but remembered how he broke his phone. You tried calling Haechan and begged him to help you- he was just as pissed off at you the way Mark and his friends (Chenle and Jeno) were. But you still begged.

When morning came, you tried to compose yourself as you helped out a quiet Ethan get ready for school. You walked with him to school and came back home with the idea to start cleaning. You ignored all of Jaemin's calls and even blocked his number. You were also afraid to answer any of your other friends who would obviously call you out on your stupid behavior. You just cleaned with your head clouded and jumbled with thoughts.

It's not when Ethan came home by himself did you find yourself in the living room, your leg bouncing as you stared at your phone. Ethan wanted to talk with his dad. And you just told him to change out of his school uniform and that by the time he came down, he'd talk to his dad.

But up till now, looking at the message that was sent to Haechan, you hold in your lips together as you sniff. You know he's found Mark. If he hadn't he would've called you. But since he's not calling, you know Mark's safe.

But none the less after you sent the message that you wanted to speak to Mark, you knew that that kind of approach wouldn't work.

So you type out:

Ethan quietly comes up next to you with a saddened face and his hands together. You don't even know what to say except having your tears coat your eyes. Mark was right. How would you even begin to explain to him? And judging with how everything went down, you know that he most likely heard Mark's burst of anger and all the words that came out of him.

Please Haechan, Ethan wants to talk to his dad

Please, just this once help me out.

Before you can even open your mouth, your phone rings and you instantly pick it up. Your eyes double take on the contact and you gulp.

Mark's mother.

You compose yourself and lick your dry lips as you try not to cry. When you place the phone to your ear, you expect to hear his mother but... "Ethan?" Mark's voice.

You place the phone on speaker and turn to Ethan, signaling him that it's okay to talk. And he does, but his words are so heart quenching that you have to look away. "Dad," He chokes up on his tears and sniffs. "It hurts, badly."

"What hurts so bad my son?"

"My heart," He whimpers out. "I know I said my place is to be the man of the house, but I can't do it dad. I can't be the man dad,"

Mark over the phone can be heard breathing in and you can tell he's shaking his head in sadness. He tries to sound upbeat, but the words themselves aren't linking to how he wants to sound. "No buddy, don't apologize to me. It's me who was at fault, I'm sorry bud, I'm so sorry," Mark's voice is fragile, and you can hear how heavy they are. "Daddy didn't mean to lose his temper and break everything."

Ethan sniffs again and he hiccups. "Are you and mum gonna get a divorce? My friends said that when his parents broke up he started living with his mum, but dad I don't want you to leave. I don't want to be the man of the house, dad please don't leave mum, dad please come back, dad-"

"Darling put your mother on the phone." The stern yet smooth voice belonging to Mark's mother catches you off guard.

"Yes ma'am?" You answer timidly trying to hold onto Ethan as he runs away from you hiding his tears.

"I've got 3 questions to ask you. Do you want to be with my son?" She asks off the bat.

"Yes ma'am." Your spine becomes straight as if she's right in front of you. "I love-"

"Are you willing to give Ethan up if per say you and my son had to breakup?"

"Ma'am please-"

"Are you willing to give Ethan up?" She asks more precisely. "Yes or no?"

"No, I can't-"

"What are you last words to my son?"

Your heart falls. The color fades from your face as though all the life you once had has been sucked out. "Ma'am please don't do this, I love him-"

"4 years is a long time and frankly, you put my son through a lot with your behavior and attitude. So it's either you say your last words, or I cut the call." Stiff and solidly cold is her tone to you as you cry. "You are not fit to be his anymore. You don't deserve my son-"

You hiccup, your eyes swelling up from how much you've cried. "Can I talk to him? Can I please just talk to him-"

"No."

Even before the call to cut, you can feel it in your soul. You can feel just how it painful, how it hurts and you can feel how your whole being burns.

-fin

Part 2: It burns: The second time around

[creative-kny-fics]

Hello! I hope you're well! If requests are open I would like to request one, a Lee! Giyuu, Ler! Kanzaburo but as a human, I had read before that blood techniques can affect crows too and I was wondering if you could do a similar theme.

Please and thank you! =]

It sounds strange, it's not common, it can be harmful, it's a joke... Of course!

Lee: Giyuu Tomioka

Ler: Kanzaburo

Giyuu was panicking, he couldn't allow what had just happened...

Kanzaburo was injured, well, he didn't really know, the only thing he managed to say through tears was that Kanzaburo had been attacked by a BDA and that he needed urgent help.

'Tomioka-San, are you awake? Hey!Yoohoo~? Tomioka-San~?'

'H-huh...? Kocho...? Why am I... Wait a second... KOCHO, HOW IS KANZABURO?! HE IS ALRIGHT?! DID SOMETHING HAPPEN TO YOU?! THIS IS MY FAULT, I SHOULDN'T SHOULD... OW!!'

'Number one, don't shout, we're in a hospital and there are patients injured and resting. Number two, if you say it's your fault again, I'll hit you again. Number three, I had to put you to sleep because you started panicking and almost broke the door in your moment of frustration. Number four, calm down, Kanzaburo is fine, but... Eeeem... There is a problem... It's not bad, but it affected...', Giyuu's eyes filled with tears and he began to sob.

Shinobu calmed him down, caressing his cheek and pinching it as she scolded him to calm down because she didn't want to anesthetize him again, letting him go and crossing her arms until Giyuu finally calmed down.

Shinobu took him to the room where she had treated Kanzaburo, but the surprise was undoubtedly comforting, but at the same time, confusing...

'Shinobu, I think we're in the wrong room... That's not Kanzaburo... That's an old man...'

'No, Giyuu, that old person, it's Kanzaburo. Apparently, the BDA was able to turn Kanzaburo into a human and given his advanced age, he became that person you see in front. Come closer, he'll surely recognize you...'

Giyuu gulped and approached slowly, Kanzaburo seemed to be asleep, he didn't want to wake him up, especially if he had that human appearance, he got close enough and analyzed him from head to toe, it really was him?

He was going to bring his hand closer to make sure he was asleep, but when he was close to his cheek, Kanzaburo rubbed his cheek with Giyuu's hand, and that cleared Giyuu of all his doubts, it truly was Kanzaburo.

'How long will it be like this?' 'I don't know, I doubt it will be for long. If the demon was killed, I don't think the effects will last more than 24 hours, don't worry Giyuu, you'll have your cute crow with you soon~'

'And... Is he in a position to take him home? I'm afraid that something will happen along the way and... You know... Kanzaburo...', Shinobu approached and knelt down to check.

She advised Giyuu that they could stay in that place while the effects wore off, also so that Giyuu would be close to professional help in case Kanzaburo had problems or if the BDA began to disappear.

Giyuu was still intrigued...

Would Kanzaburo be okay? Would there be any effect? Would you speak normally? Perhaps, he would need some medicines or pills for him? Everything was so confusing in the hashira's head. 'Kanzaburo, are you feeling okay?'

'Giyuu... Well...' 'Maybe, it's best if you don't talk, okay? I won't ask you questions, or anything like that', Kanzaburo had no choice, because as soon as he opened his mouth to say a few words, Giyuu shut him up.

It was not surprising that Giyuu felt enormous affection for his crow, so he was too worried, he did not know what to do, he had not taken care of an elderly person before.

Urokodaki didn't count, he could take care of himself, despite his advanced age, so the occasions when he "took care" of him were rare.

'Kanzaburo, does something hurt? Remember, just shake your head or nod'

It was already the 5th time in 30 minutes that Giyuu asked him the same thing, honestly, Kanzaburo loved how Giyuu took care of him, but now he was overprotective of him.

Giyuu didn't look away from him for a long time, but this activity exhausted him and he began to nod his head and squint sometimes.

'Giyuu...' 'I'm fine, don't talk, something could happen', oh come on, with that again?

Kanzaburo was a crow, but he knew that Giyuu was stubborn at times, especially when it came to sacrificing himself for the good of others.

From his perspective, Giyuu was more of a child trapped in the body of an adult and needed extreme care, so he did not hesitate to take him by the shoulders and lay his head on his lap. 'Kanzaburo, what are you...?'

'Time to rest... Go to sleep...'

'I'm not sleepy, and, you shouldn't be moving. Now, let me... Eeeeeeh!', it's about time.

Giyuu immediately covered his mouth, he recognized that sound wherever he went.

He glanced at Kanzaburo and mentally implored him not to do what he was sure he would do, one thing was tickling him in his own house and another was tickling him in a public place, although well, we all know that his fellow hashiras didn't care and they had already done it, but that was not the case.

'Ka-Kanzab-buro! Sto-! Ehehehe! STOP!'

'Sleep, now'

'I'm no-nohohot ti-ti-tired no-nOHOR sleheheepy! This... Thi-thihihis is rid-ridiculohohous!'

Kanzaburo shook his head and took both of Giyuu's wrists and put them on his head, he had already seen some hashiras do this when they were trying to cheer up Giyuu or when they just wanted to tickle him.

He couldn't help but smile a little when his owner's face turned red and he looked away and closed his eyes to try to dispel his embarrassment, but he couldn't, that little "opportunity" was taken.

'Co-cohohomehehe ahahahaha on!! Oh re-reahahally?! Yohohou tohohoho?! Sto-stohohohop!!'

'Will you sleep?' 'I sa-hahahaid nohohohoho!!', well, there's your answer

Giyuu tried to lower his arms, there was no chance that someone of advanced age would manage to keep his arms up for that long, was there?

Perhaps, Giyuu had a soft spot for Kanzaburo and was unable to put the strength to lower his arms, afraid of hurting him. 'Okay, okahahahay!! I-I'll sle-slehehehep!! Ahahaha!!'

'Sure?' 'Yehehehes!! Plehehahasehe!! I gihivehehe up!!'

Not really, but who was he not to please his crow? Although Kanzaburo hesitated, he didn't question Giyuu's word and stopped, but he couldn't help but continue tickling him a few times on his neck and a few more on his armpits.

'I t-tohohold yo-you I'll sleheheheep!! Ple-please!! Stohohop ticklihihing meeee!!'

'You didn't like them?' 'Yehehehes, bu-buhuhut...! Ooooh dahahahamn!!! Ahahahaha!!'

Kanzaburo is not going to stop so soon, do you know why? Because it usually doesn't have that effect on Giyuu when he's a crow, so he would take advantage of spending "quality time" with his owner...

[moonyasnow]

TWST OC showcase: Junia Rondo

Voice Claim: Saori Hayami (in her performance as Yor Forger from SPY X FAMILY)

Merfolk - Rainbow Parrotfish Right-handed Queendom of Roses - Octavinelle Dorm 161cm / 5'3 - #e85483 / 232, 84, 131 May 14th - Taurus - 19-20 y.o. 2nd year - Sophmore - Class B, no. 24 Pop Music Club Best Subject: Music Hobbies: The Macabre Pet peeves: People not taking care of themselves Favorite food: Fasolada Least favorite food: Plain Anything Talent: Singing Floyd-given name: Parrotfish Rook-given name: Demoiselle Chanteuse/Songbird Cater-given name: Junie-pie Signature Spell: 'Use Your Voice' Can perfectly imitate the voice of absolutely anyone, so long as she's heard it at least once

[ ~Based on the Nautilus Ariel's voice was kept in~ ]

Link to all my OC Showcases here!

Some quotes:

“No, no, Junia! You weren't supposed to think about it!” She slaps her cheeks. [internal narration] *It's better I not think about it. Besides, I'm stupid after all, so what would I even be able to figure out if I did? It won't do me any good.*

[internal narration] *Haah, what should I do?! They need backup, but I can't exactly fight…but there's no one else available to help!* She stands there almost in a panic, hesitating and second-guessing herself over and over again on wether to or not to run over. *But what could I even do?!* Then she hears that some of the people she knows are injured, and something clicks. She gives herself a light bonk on the head with her closed fist. “Ah— duh, I know first aid!”

“I-I would love to laugh at your joke, but to tell you the truth I am much too confused right now.”

She was born in the ocean surrounding the land known as the Queendom of Roses, in a cushy bay in the middle of the country. At least cushy compared to the rest of the open ocean, which was far more competetive when it came to survival. However, her mother was born in the Coral Sea. As a Parrotfish, her bright colors stood out against the deep blue, so though she was lucky to be born into a wealthy family which granted her some protections others didn't have, she was still forced to fight to survive. Her marriage to the heir of the Rondo family was what finally ensured her safety. Junia was born some years after, but her father died before he could meet her. Junia's mother then decided to move the two to the Queendom of Roses, where her mother ended up becoming a successful lawyer. Her plans for Junia, already fully formed at less than a year old, was for her to become an excellent student and find a good, stable career of her own. That way her mother could be sure she'd not only survive but further their family legacy.

When she got older and was supposed to start learning how to read, she tried her best, but could never make sense of it. The letters seemed to jump around and flow together, and she would sometimes need to spend 10 minutes just trying to read a poem. If she'd ever been taken to see a doctor about it, she would have been diagnosed with severe dyslexia, and also as being autistic, though the latter has nothing to do with her difficulty in learning to read and write. It took much more time and practice for her to be able to read than it took for her peers. Junia was also a very gullible person and tended to believe most things people said to her if they seemed somewhat plausible. She didn't doubt other people or consider that they could be lying, since the thought of someone operating in bad faith just never naturally crosses her mind. Some of the other children around her used this to pick on and even bully her. Because she had trouble reading both words and the room and was so gullible, everyone around her— including her mother— started calling her stupid. She started to believe it. As a child, people often remarked to her mother about how cute Junia was, and as she got older, they started calling her beautiful. Coupled with her reputation as being stupid, people whispered behind her back that her appearance was the only thing she had going for her. Her mother seemingly took this to heart and began raising Junia to be the perfect dim-witted, obedient housewife, since she hoped that at the very least maybe Junia could have a future as a trophy wife to fall back on if she couldn't get a good job with her own effort. Her mother told Junia that smiling made women beautiful, so Junia started smiling all the time. She told Junia that she was an ugly crier, so Junia stopped crying in front of others. She was never really able to make any friends, since her mother pressured her to spend as much time as possible studying. Whenever she tried to speak to other kids her age, she would always end up saying something that got her weird looks. Or she had trouble finding a gap in the conversation in which to speak, and since she had been taught that interrupting was rude, she ended up a quiet observer in the background enough times that she stopped wanting to try to talk to them. Instead, she grew very fond of animals, smaller fish with somewhat 'lesser' intelligence. For whatever reason, these fish always loved her, and so she would often spend time with them over her peers. These smaller fish who were sometimes sought out as prey returned the love she gave in full, and saw her for what she was, unlike other people who only saw what she lacked. People who saw how much time she spent with these creatures considered mere animals felt it only further confirmed their beliefs of her being an idiot. People began calling her 'Guppy' as an insulting nickname— akin to calling her a child and suggesting her intelligence was on par with one.

Junia had always loved to sing and play the harp, and wanted nothing more than to continue with her passions. She can actually read musical notes quite well, and has a really good musical memory, which means she can remember the lyrics even if she's only heard a song once or twice. However, her mother told her to stop, since she thought the songs Junia wrote and composed were too 'strange' or 'disturbing' or 'eccentric'. Being the obedient girl she was, Junia agreed to stop. She was even forbidden from humming in the house. As she became a little bit older, her mother became more and more concerned with finding a husband for her. This was when she started forbidding Junia from any and all self expression that she didn't approve of, which included her music, and Junia's love of an abundance of 'flower' patterns from the surface. She started preparing her and telling her about the things she would need to give up to be married. She must remain obedient and do exactly as her future husband says, in order to keep him happy. She must never do anything her future husband hasn't given her permission to do, she must never bother him with her worries, anxieties or insecurities, and never state her opinion on anything, in order to not risk disagreeing with him. She must be seen and never heard, unless spoken to, and her only value outside of having children is to make her husband look better by having a pretty, obedient wife. Basically, she must give up her entire personhood to be forever tied to someone she knows nothing about, and become little more than an accessory to someone else. Junia started to feel more and more as though she didn't want what her mother had decided for her and began dreading her future marriage, even though it wouldn't be until she was at least 18. But still, she said nothing. What could she even do about it anyway? She couldn't somehow convince her mother to allow her to not go through with it. If she decided to run away, she'd have nowhere to go, and would probably end up meeting with an even worse fate, since she's been so dependent on her mother her entire life that she has no idea how to survive on her own, having never been taught how. So, Junia started acting the way her mother told her an 'ideal woman' should.

Then one day, what she had dreaded seemed to come to pass. Her mother informed her that she had found a good suitor for her in the Coral Sea. And so they would be going there and staying for a month, so Junia could start getting used to the environment before meeting her husband-to-be. She was miserable every tail-flick of the way, and felt like she was being suffocated. She had to start to grapple with the fact that she would never be able to sing again. So the first chance she got, she snuck off into an empty area, bringing her harp with her, and started to sing a series of songs she'd been working on for years— something like her life's work. Her mother always said they were 'too creepy' so she knew she'd never get the chance to again. Unbeknownst to her, while she was singing song after song, she had a secret audience of three…

(They knew who she was. The Rondo family was quite well-known, at least in this part of the Coral Sea, and who would the Octomer be if he didn't do his research? They had also heard the widow and daughter of the previous head of the Rondo family were coming back to the Coral Sea after 18 years in order for said daughter to be politically married-off. Azul didn't take much note of it— at least not until the moment he happened upon her; tweets following behind after he'd been gone for a bit too long. The two first things that struck him were her bright tail and gorgeous singing voice. The ones that came later was her great conventual beauty, and the passion she seemed to have for each song she performed. Yet there was also a sadness reflected on her face every time she finished a song. He saw the facts:

These songs were quite…unconventional, or at least so a family as traditional as the Rondos and whatever company they were trying to marry into would believe.

She was here to be married, and did not seek very happy about it.

She seemed even more sad after finishing each song or having to go back for the day, suggesting she felt this was something of a swan-song to her love of music.

She was a girl with a reputation for being gullible, naïve; easily deceived. He smelled blood in the water and had Thaumarks in his eyes. He could use this. The tweels just snickered quietly behind him, matching his smirk.)

One day during her singing, when she had just finished a song, she heard a whistle, and clapping. Hands flying up to cover her mouth to cover not only a surprised squeal, but also the fact that whoever made that sound had heard her singing! She saw two eel mer slithering out of some nearby seaweed. They said they'd been listening to her sing, and wanted to keep hearing the story. Her eyes lit up with the stars ocean-residents never saw, and they knew it wouldn't be hard for Azul to convince her. They introduced themselves as 'Jade' and 'Floyd'— and only laughed or smiled each time she got their names mixed up. The louder one of the two even burst out laughing when she called him something WAY off the mark. He thought it was hilarious she was so bad with names, even though they'd started coming to listen to her sing every day.

There was something different about her when she had an audience. She was absolutely exuberant, and somehow put even more passion, emotion and effort into each and every song she sang. They thought she was interesting. She was clumsy, shockingly observant, skilled with her hands, oblivious, had 'etiquette school' written all over her and said the strangest things sometimes. She was like an open book— but one they couldn't predict. Without knowing it, she'd got their mental seal of approval.

As the day on which she would meet her future husband— and thus be forever trapped in a life she didn't want— was drawing near, she told her unexpected friends a bit about it. They obviously already knew thanks to Azul, but the confirmation was what made the three of them decide amongst themselves that it was time: she'd be taken to see Azul, and would most likely end up striking a deal with him.

Jade and Floyd had talked to Azul about what she was like before. Floyd often went on about 'Parrotfishie is so fun~!' and even Jade would smile and agree 'She certainly is interesting.' Azul, for his part, while not surprised at Floyd's opinion, was more startled that Jade agreed, given the latter often kept his feelings much closer to his chest. Everything they'd told him had him already prepared for her being a bit eccentric. But he was still surprised by her when he actually met her. She did say the strangest things sometimes. But she had this charm that always made her able to completely get away with it, cocking her head to the side in confusion, a surprised expression on her face when one of them laughed, asking with a confused, somewhat shocked voice if she'd said something weird. There was something comfortable about her presence, which he yet-again thought could be a great asset to them, and to his business.

When she was told that he was this 'sea witch' she'd sometimes heard whispers of, even back in the waters of the Queendom of Roses, she wasn't scared. She was surprised, even shocked, sure, but not scared. In fact, she seemed amazed, asking if it was true that he was really that good at granting wishes, saying that he was amazing with an expression of genuine awe.

And when it came time for the actual deal, she didn't try to haggle or negotiate the terms of the contract— she didn't even read it! It wasn't until much later that he would learn she couldn't read. Regardless, even knowing it might be dangerous, she had just laid everything she had in his hands, and was happy to do so, so long as she was still allowed to sing.

And thus, the contract was signed, and Junia Rondo never met her husband-to-be.

After signing her contract with Azul, a letter was sent to her mother. The specifics aren't important because Azul left a TL;DR on the first page in big, bold letters saying:

[The voice of Junia Rondo— and by extension Junia Rondo herself— is now the legal property of Azul Ashengrotto.]

And as Junia was 18 already, there was nothing the authorities could do about it.

She knew her mother was probably furious. But for once, she didn't care. She was too happy to be free.

Next thing she knew she went with Azul, Jade and Floyd to a sort of 'human boot camp' where, after drinking a transformation potion for the first time, they would be trained on how to live on land. They all struggled with the whole 'having legs' thing— none so more than Junia. It seems her clumsiness with everything but her fingers had come back in full force and even worsened now that she had legs. She couldn't even always manage to calibrate her own tail, so it was no surprise, really, that it took her almost twice as long as the other three to learn to use her legs effectively enough to not fall over. Well…fall over less. Baby steps. And she always had someone there to catch her. Though Azul, being used to eight limbs, also struggled more than the tweels. So at first when she stumbled into him, he stumbled as well, ending with them in a heap on the floor.

After completing their boot camp, Junia with the lowest marks— barely passing, but somehow good enough!— the four of them were enrolled into 'Night Raven College', a very prestigious magic school. Junia was a little worried at first about how she'd even get in, knowing it was an all-boys' school— would she have to crossdress? She wasn't super happy with the idea but she would do it if she had to! But then she just watched Azul hand over a big stack of Thaumarks to the Headmage and that was that. 'Oh.' was all she said, surprised it was really that easy.

At NRC:

Among the four of them in the Octavinelle Quartet, Junia was the one who took the longest to acclimate to walking on legs as opposed to swimming with a tail. In fact, even into her second year, she still tripped quite often. And so, Azul mostly had her working taking orders and showing people their seats. Because for as cute as her clumsiness could be, having to constantly replace plates and glasses she'd dropped and shattered was really draining his budget for the Mostro Lounge.

On Saturdays and Sundays, Junia would do almost nothing but sing at the Mostro Lounge. And on Sunday nights, she was allowed to sing songs she herself had written— ones that were way more experimental, intent to tell a story rather than just be a nice background song. And these nights became massive hits! A lot of people would come to watch just to see the next part of the story! And of course Azul capitalized on this, offering special offers on Sunday nights that lead to Mostro Lounge's business going up a lot!

She feels incredibly grateful to Azul for giving her a chance to not only share her music with others, but also for taking her with him to NRC despite the fact female students aren't typically allowed. She's gotten to meet so many different kinds of people there! And at a school with so many strange people, she feels right at home, instead of like the misfit she always felt like she was at home. And being away from her mother, she feels happier and more confident than ever. She's slowly starting to find out about strengths of hers that aren't just how 'pretty' she is.

But...she does also still feel very self-conscious of how 'stupid' she feels like she is. She had to get Azul's help in order to have the staff agree to a deal where she could give her exams orally instead of written on paper (bribes. he bribed them) and she is also the only student for whom this is the case. She always has to study alongside someone else because she's just not really capable of taking down notes since she's illiterate. When she does get that help, of someone explaining it to her, she understands it pretty ok eventually, but she still feels self-conscious that she needs that help in the first place. She kinda dreads going to class because of it.

The specific terms of her and Azul's contract were that Azul now owns her voice in exchange for her being able to still use it, and working for him for as long as the contract is in effect. That means not only singing at the lounge, but also working as a waitress, and— since Junia has always been seen as beautiful and attractive by those around her— he started using that to have her advertise the lounge and any and all new menu items right away. All without pay. But she would be allowed to eat 3 meals from the lounge for free a day— she'll be working for him, so he certainly can't have her be starving!

Since it's a very feminine voice, he couldn't really use it himself without it clashing with his appearance and normal speaking voice, not to mention he also already has Prince Rielle's pretty singing voice. But Rielle's voice can't do Soprano very well, just because that's not its range. So that's one of the reasons he lets her keep use of her voice. And he will admit that her natural charisma— and the charm her obvious, genuine passion for music gives all of her performances— certainly lets her make use of her song voice to greater effect than if he'd given it to someone else.

Junia is, as expected, great friends with Jade, Floyd and Azul.

She's often a bit startled and confused when Floyd drags her along to go follow his whims and do whatever he wants, but once her mind catches up she often ends up having a lot of fun. And through him she's also slowly starting to learn it's ok to prioritize things she wants to do over what she's been told to do. Azul is not always happy about Floyd making off with his best advertiser, but he never seriously punishes them harsher than giving them an extra shift to make up for the one they missed.

Despite being in the Pop Music Club, she sometimes goes with Jade on his hikes in the mountains. It's also a bit of plus for her since she gets to see more kinds of flowers! And birds, and other critters. She also always tries out Jade's new mushroom dishes, to Azul and Floyd's utter confusion and bafflement, and Jade's delight.

And as stated before, she has a lot of respect for Azul, and really admires him. And the two understand each other pretty well, since she was also bullied as a child, albeit less harshly than he was. She's also very quick to compliment him and tell him her positive opinions of him. He's had her tone it down whilst among others, since he doesn't want to end up blushing hard enough that his reputation is put in jeapordy, which she's gladly agreed to, thinking his shyness was actually really cute.

She's basically best friends with Cater, Lilia and Kalim as well, since the four of them are the only members of the Pop Music Club. She is actually often the only reason they get any kind of music practicing done at all. She also composes all the 'band's songs, since the others don't mind trying out something that isn't just an actual pop song cover now and then, and it's yet another way in which she gets to play her songs! Her playing piano well easily translated into keyboard, and she's also a prominent vocalist, but also loves being able to sing as a back-up.

More sprites:

[roo-bastmoon]

Juxtapositions, and focus

"How can you think Jikook are still real when they just hugged like they haven't seen each other in months??"

Whelp, my adorable little Vulcan, I'll tell you. Human beings have this thing called "humor" and they often tease each other when they feel safe and happy in each other's presence. (This is my gently teasing you, by the way.)

They hugged like they haven't seen each other in months because it was exaggerated, in a joking way, as Jungkook had been abroad for a week. And possibly they just got snockered together the night before, so it's hilarious to them.

Jimin gave Hobi almost the same exaggerated hug even though two days prior they shared a drink together. I still cling to my work wife every week on the days when we're both in the office and it's been three years of us talking almost daily. It's a silly way to convey love.

Just like when Jimin says "Is it you? Is it you or is it me? The smell of alcohol." He asks this ridiculous question while also cradling a stinky JK to him, and JK is smiling so hard his eyes crinkle while he wraps his arms around Jimin's waist and presses him close with his hands. And then they proceed to stand next to each other, arms touching, like magnets for a good long while. You know, just the usual.

Just like on JK's lives where his eyes lit up and he kept calling for Jimin to come to him... after using extremely formal language to say hello and bow to Jimin? It's not actually conveying that there's distance between them--because in the next breath he's dropping all honorifics and using just the most possessive, entitled, teasing tone. You know, also just as usual.

It's about the juxtaposition of extremes.

Or when JK responded to Jimin's "I miss you" on WeVerse with extremely aegyo "Me too." Jungkook is a 25-year-old millionaire rock star with a motorcycle, a full sleeve of tattoos, several piercings, and 8-pack abs. But he can turn on his big doe eyes and act super cute for Jimin.

Now look, to be fair, I can't tell you Jikook are romantically together as if it were a fact. I don't live in their cupboards and stalk them 24/7. I am pretty sure they are not sharing an address right now that we've seen on camera.

I'm guessing they spend time over each other's houses when they can, when schedules line up, probably sometimes over night (they are night owls). And on nights when that's not possible, it seems to me that Jimin spends hours watching all of JK's lives and JK spends 90 minutes ignoring the live chat to watch Jimin on YouTube.

I'm pretty sure they keep in contact using technology when they are apart on projects because when Jungkook doesn't answer Jimin's texts, it drives him crazy.

I'm absolutely convinced they love each other and they sure do act like they are IN LOVE with each other.

My god, the tones they use exclusively for each other is enough... And also, I don't see anyone else in Bangtan lifting each other up, trying to touch each other's skin under clothing, squeezing each other's butts, rolling around in soap, calling each other baby, giving each other bite marks, making videos about each other sharing a room or a trip, or including each other on super secret hidden love songs that will never be for sales or streams. But honestly it's the way everyone around them from their members to family to brands to tattoo artists to boxing coaches all still treat them like a couple--that's the clincher for me.

Totally fine if you don't see it. I've tried, I've really truly tried to see other pairings in BTS, watched tons of content around it, and there's plenty of silly flirting and deep respect and tons of skinship, but I genuinely do not see the same exclusive intimacy and heated chemistry among anyone else, and that's saying something because Jimin has chemistry with everyone. (Jimin can make a broken lamppost light up with love.)

But just because *I* don't see it, doesn't mean I look down on others who do see genuine romantic feelings among other pairings. I don't have the monopoly on truth. I'm just making my best educated guesses.

The day I feel the need to wander over to someone else's space and tell them they are wrong and I am right and pop off on some diatribe about why they are so wrong and I am so right is the day I truly have lost the plot, and no longer actually believe in my own assertions.

It's completely normal to have doubts, to question yourself, to ask others for their takes on things. I was a hella insecure Jikooker my first few months as baby ARMY. And I admit, even now, sometimes I doom spiral and ask myself if maybe Jimin and Jungkook are just really good friends who have absolutely no sense of boundaries when it comes to each other and I'm projecting a love story onto them. But naw. Then they act like they did in that Bangtan Bomb from today and I'm pretty sure I'm not full-tilt delulu for thinking if it's not them it's not anyone.

And I do not need to convince anyone. I do not need to convert anyone. I don't even really need to answer this question put to me, but if you're hoping to be convinced...

Why do I think Jikook are still together?

Because while all of BTS really love each other... even if Jikook are apart for a while, the moment they are back together...

...everyone and everything else sort of fades away for them.

Even ARMY.

[filmbyjy]

since I used to be (still am) a big arianator. i’m gonna assign enha to ariana grande songs that I love! completely my opinion so umm yeah if you disagree…then too bad(?) that sounds mean😀

ENHYPEN as my favourite Ariana Grande songs

| heeseung

i feel like heeseung is the epitome of this song

just don’t ask why but I just feel it

he is just how the lyrics are

now i’m not saying he quite literally wants you to break up with your boyfriend

it’s just him. he won’t ask you to but you will do it gladly for him

alternatively, I also think he’d fit positions. idk why.

| jay

YES🗣️🗣️🗣️

YES🗣️🗣️🗣️

THIS SONG🗣️🗣️🗣️

there was an edit of jay to this song and it just perfectly fits him

I used to listen to this song a lot when it came out

jay do give me that good shit🫢

the good happy feeling every time I see him 🫶🏻

oh, I would also special mention ‘thinking bout you’ BECAUSE HE IS ALWAYS IN MY MIND😭

| jake

I’ll be honest. i’m debating whether jake fits dangerous woman or let me love you

they both fit jake because the song is about sex

IM KIDDING

both songs are amazing and like I really love them. I do think jake is an magnet to attract non-engenes so he fits the song

| sunghoon

idk why he fits this song but he just does

bad boy hoon agenda?

yup I think so

like boy, do tell me what your motive for tryna attack me 24/7 bc I am loyal to jay

at least I think so😵‍💫

| sunoo

lord this song gives me flashbacks

I listened to this song when I was in my sad girl era

no joke almost cried every time I listen to this song

but the reason why I chose sunoo for this song is bc I feel like sunoo would definitely be that type of person to want to be your last

and also bc I wanna hear him sing this song😀

alternative, I would say sunoo fits ‘be alright’. it’s just- idk why. listen to it

| jungwon

now who tf hasn’t thought about yang jungwon at least once a day?

a non-engene of course

I really love this song sooooooo much

it also fits wonie a lot :( bc he always comes to weverse and posts for us :((

my angel :(( wait our angel bc me and jay co-parenting

also put aside this song‘a lyrics sound a bit sensual, it’s a really sweet

| ni-ki

this song was something I thought of at the top of my head bc i was trying to remember old songs that I used to listen to

but omg this song was a classic

this song is slightly more innocent than like the other ari songs I listen to👁️👁️

plus it fits ni-ki

or more like it fits how ni-ki stans see him

[dreadfuldevotee]

why the hell are loustat anons going into different inboxes to play morality olympics in the first place? or act like they're the "true louis stans"? i haven't forgotten how many of those shippers turned on louis and claudia when lestat was shown to be a violent abuser and were only appeased when they thought that louis participated in "mutual abuse" (he sure as fuck didn't). or continued downplaying lestat's role in the execution by claiming armand and the coven must have been mind controlling him, because it's so impossible to allow lestat to be accountable for his own actions.

those tired old jokes about louis being an subservient edwardian housewife begging for white cock, you all want to tell me that's respecting louis? or when shippers still circulate those gifsets of louis dissociating during sex with lestat and frame it as romantic??

also the post finale revisionism takes about how heartwarming lesdaughter is (she's conveniently evoked when people need to complete the nuclear family unit for loustat). all while lestat sat there and did nothing as she was publicly humiliated and burned to death and taunted her with her rapist. i'm expected to feel sorry for the harry styles wannabe next season as he cries on camera, hope his ass gets haunted by her 24/7.

people acting like one set of shippers cares so much more for louis.....please i've seen all kinds of fans of loustat, loumand and dm throw him under the bus one way or another, all for the sake of shipping. just as there are fans who do enjoy those relationships without glossing over abuse and other heinous shit from lestat and armand. like come on already.

Like at the end of the day, it's a need to feel morally superior. It's stupid in any fandom but I think it's especially stupid here when fanbase and author and text are rife with bigotry and apologia. It's dumb to act like by virtue of being a fan of XYZ character or ship thay you're better than anyone else. And it's especially wild to act like people who live and die by a Violent Blonde Blue-Eyed White Abuser are the ones who are the best at respecting his Black Male counterpart as a whole. I don't know what kind alternate universe that person lives in to make that statement fractionally true but I'm almost envious.

Honestly, the only thing you can do is tell the truth as you see it and surround yourself with people who make you feel comfortable and heard. There are plenty of Loumanders or Armandaniel shippers who I have blocked because I don't want to waste my life reading blog posts filled to the brim with racist rhetoric and If I felt that people I choose to interact with on a daily basis were fueling and agreeing with those ideas, I'd block them too. If that person has found fucking Black Nerd Heaven in Loustat then idk, thats great for them, I guess. But I think I'll stay right where I am, if its all the same

[unending-vigil]

fandom ask game!! I want to ask several if that's allowed

6. Show us a bit of a WIP!

12. What's the funniest or craziest AU idea you've ever come up with?

19. What's your favourite thing about TMA fandom?

24. What's your favourite thing about Jonah?

25. What's your least favourite thing Jonah said or did?

damn you're asking All the questions. yeah okay 👍

6. i was going to share a bit of look to your laurels but actually have a different wip, working title being old clothes. in which jon raids elias's wardrobe and decides to dress up as jonah magnus. though there is this one tasty bit of look to your laurels I'm excited for people to see

He glances longer, and realises that–no, it's not just a near match; almost every detail he'd observed on the painting is on this same outfit. His confidence isn’t misplaced; he’s very familiar with the painting. It's eye-catching, practically demanding his attention every time he sees it, though that is all the painter's talent and has nothing to do with Jonah's secretive little smile, or the way Jonah's eyes seem to follow him. (It's not like he'd spent particularly long staring at the portrait. After all, that would be irrational, just as irrational as fixating on a dead man, because he is, well, dead. It’s not as though if Jon just looked hard enough, searched enough, they could someday meet. Because Jonah has been dead for nearly 200 years, and Jon knows that. He's not an idiot.)

12. im trawling the discord messages give me a moment. OH. my persona au!!! I haven't quite got the worldbuilding fleshed out but its also one of my favourite crossover aus I've made. i don't know how much you know about persona but I think my decision to make elias not (typically) a combat party member was inspired. and velvet room attendant gerry.... (i will not go off too much that'd make this post way too long)

19. honestly with specifically the elias enjoyer corner of the fandom, on tumblr at least, i like that it feels sort of... cosy? wrong word. idk it feels like we're all at least like peripherally aware of each other. we're passing the posts around.

24. oh my god this is an evil fucking question how am I supposed to pick one favourite thing. his inside jokes about how he knows everything. how he interacts with jon. the. when he's being an absolute cunt that's awesome too. how do I pickkk

25. Two answers for this. in terms of said can i say i don't like his voice. okay thats not true. i don't like that his accent sounds similar to mine. it gave me like fight or flight instinct at first. on the upside i can do a great impression of him

but also like the apocalypse. jonah your apocalypse fucking sucked do you take constructive criticism. could you have at least shown up in it more.

[smokeprincess24]

Hey could you make a Morpheus x reader story where yn finds out she's pregnant whit his child but she doesn't want the baby so she leaves and dissapears so he makes it his mission to find her..😅ik it's long but it would be an honor!

At first I was going to decline the question because I haven't done anything written for a fandom since 2014-5 and what I've done as a sandman has been more phrases and loose ideas than anything else, besides that when I read it the first few times I didn't know how or what where to direct the idea but then I said fuck it I'll do it with the OC that I have in mind and its story (I'm more of creating my character with a back story and everything but never taking it to "paper")

So here's a warning 1 (and the most important) I don't speak English I can read and listen to it but I'm not that good at writing it so here I am using google translator for this (if there's something wrong let me know so I can edit it, sometimes the translator It is not so exact and although I check that if it is well written, I may miss some errors)

2. for convenience because I'm not so good at writing (not even in my own language -Spanish-) this will be a headcanon (I think it can be considered like this) but very detailed

so here goes nothing

(ps: I always give my OCs the same name but for the convenience of the sandman community I will refer to the character as her or y/n)

•Everything was going well, she had an boyfriend, they already had a year of relationship (and almost two since she found him in the basement)

•Johanna once jokingly told her that she was going to end up with a hot emo boyfriend who looks like he pouts 24/7 (and it would probably end badly), she definitely wasn't wrong. Luckily having a hot emo boyfriend means tons of hot time.

•Y/n usually alternated the days between The Dreaming and her apartment

•Morpheus was simply attached to her, always seeking her touch, from holding her hand to laying her down and fucking her on one of the library tables, but he was always close to her in his free time, it was as if they were in a honey moon phase (for a whole year)

•But then it started

•Y/n do not tend to get sick (or stay sick for a long time) thanks to their ancestry, she also hates vomiting and basically doing so is the peak of a possible illness.

•One day she began to feel tired, aching all over her body and one morning she woke up quickly from a dream to run to the bathroom

•Out of the corner of his eye she could see Matthew at er window, possibly his abrupt exit from The Dreaming caused Morpheus to send to look how she was

she was in bed all day but she thought they were just seasonal illnesses

•Oh boy, they weren't

•Fortunately the days passed and Y/N was able to recover even feeling nauseated from time to time (convincing herself that it was because she hadn't eaten much because she was sick)

• It wasn't until a week later that his roommate and best friend commented (joking) that it was a good thing she had taken a break from her boyfriend, because if they kept fucking like that she was going to end up pregnant.

•At first Y/N just laughed and let it go, until she remembered that she had been weeks without her period, this definitely freaked her out

•She waited until she was alone in her apartment to go to the pharmacy so she could get a test, a simple piss on a stick, a negative and everything ended, probably she was just thinking to much about it and really was nothing

•Over the years, she'd learned that the universe's favorite game was to contradict her and make things difficult, and this time the universe had given her the big middle finger.

•A bit of a panic attack here, okay? a fucking baby is a big responsibility for 18-20(ish) year olds

•Yep she was definitely screwed

•She could only think of Johanna when she had told at the beginning of her adolescence how she should have to scare the boys (emos and edgys) away from her, or else she would end up "knock up"

•Yeah she was definitely fuck up (and not in a good way)

ok here is the first part, I have several things planned for the morpheus part but I needed to cut it and upload this to know if (I) this had a future or what

ps: I accept suggestions for a title

ps2: you can make requests and I can try to write something, both within the sandman universe with or without my OC

[raspberryconverse]

Coley's Beaus, FWBs and Ladies: A Cheat Sheet (updated 11/16/24)

It occurs to me that with all my beaus (and FWBs and possibly ladies now) mentioned in my post, it might be nice to have a cheat sheet. Also it might be helpful to know who I'm still dating and who I'm not, considering we're up to #5, but I'm only really dating 2, possibly 3. There are also several FWBs, so keeping those straight is also going to be an issue. My poor therapist had to make her own cheat sheet (she literally has rolled her eyes when I've mentioned a new person with a one syllable name, because apparently my type is short men with beards and one syllable names).

Beau #1: Straight, 4½ years older than me, 5'6"ish, married with a girlfriend (used to be 2, but one broke up with him), used to do DoorDash, but now works at a car dealership. We met on Feeld and had been talking for awhile when my spouse had told me they wanted a divorce (we went back and forth for awhile, but 6 months later we actually are getting divorced). He was kind of my poly mentor, so when this happened and I didn't know who to talk to, I turned to him. We talked on the phone and when he was done dashing for the day, we met for tacos, made out a bit in his car and then went back to his place and had amazing sex. Hands down the best sex I've ever had. I joke that he's ruined me for other men.

My biggest complaints with him were smoking and scheduling. The smoking is really bad because he has asthma (as much fun as it is to say I've nearly killed him during sex, it's not fun to stop and grab the inhaler) and how the AuDHD affects us getting together. He can't seem to get a calendar going with his wife, so it greatly affects when we can see each other. Me being able to host should have helped, but he's only come here once and it was the week after my spouse asked for a divorce (for real this time).

I finally broke up with him, after asking myself for at least 2 months why I was still seeing him.

Beau #2: AKA The KitchenAid Mixer Guy, because one of his Feeld profile pics is a nude with his KitchenAid mixer. One of the main reasons I swiped on him, TBH. Heteroflexible (as in he likes playing with couples), 3 years younger than me, 5'7", used to manage a theatre until he got fired for sticking up for one of the owner's tenants. He was seeing someone else besides me. He was really funny and reminded me of a friend who passed away 7 years ago. We saw each other weekly for almost 2 months before he fucked off to Michigan and didn't tell me he was actually leaving. He was between jobs and had been waiting for over a month on a background check for one and told me if he didn't get it, he'd go stay with his parents for a bit. Then I didn't hear from him for a few days, checked in and he sent me a pic of his mom's ugly rug on her front porch 🙄

He tried to tell me that our relationship wasn't serious enough for a heads up that he left. "The only person who needs to know where I am at all times is the person I'm living with" (which I argue there's a difference between wanting to know your whereabouts at all times and wanting to know you left the state for several weeks). He claimed we had only gone out 5 times and had been seeing each other for a month (it was 8 times and almost 2 months, but whatever). I miss him a lot, but clearly he needs to get his shit together and treat the people he's seeing with more respect. We had a really good thing going where I'd come over, he'd cook dinner, we'd watch a movie and then have sex (the sex wasn't the greatest, but what he lacked in skill he made up for in enthusiasm). I never wanted more than that, but he seemed to think otherwise.

Beau #3: The drummer. Another Feeld match. Divorced dad of 6 year old twins. Straight, same age as me (graduated a year after me because his birthday is later in the year), 5'6", works in a warehouse, never been poly, but was open to ENM (which I now know is yellow flag). We really clicked right away as oversharers. We both like to try new beers and would go to breweries often on dates. I have my theories as to why he broke up with me based on his "things were moving too fast and I don't think we're a good match" statement. I honestly thought we were a great match because of how comfortable we were talking about deep stuff and I really miss our naked cuddles. We only successfully had sex once because he was having some unexplained ED issues. Best of luck to him with that.

One of the things I'm really bummed about is I actually genuinely like his band. I mean, I'm sure part of it is he looks hot when he's playing (those forearms 🥵), but their music is good too. I really want to show up at a show, looking really hot and see what happens. My therapist will tell me that's a very bad idea. My friends already have (and they managed to keep me occupied when he had one literally 10 minutes from my house to avoid temptation).

Beau #4: Queer, 4 years older than me, 5'7", ex Army Ranger, works in marketing for a big tech company and has an anchor partner. Not a Feeld match (we met at Queer Poly Cocktails). I think being queer cancels out a lot of the problematic military stuff. He's very passionate about suicide prevention for veterans, cowrote a coffee table book of veteran stories, is working on another book about with a friend about how they helped get the abandoned troops out of Afghanistan and was apparently in a really bad zombie movie comprised completely of veterans. He actually has a few pics on WikiFeet, which is... interesting.

He can deadlift more than double my body weight, so that's pretty hot. But he doesn't look very muscly, which I really love.

He seemed pretty smitten with me, but he's also had a busier than normal late summer/early fall (he said it's the busiest time for him at work). I was been super frustrated by this because he does make time to see his anchor partner, but would go weeks without seeing me. We did finally have a talk about it and he said it's just been bad timing. He claimed he was definitely is into me, enjoys spending time with me and didn't think things were casual, but he also doesn't have the bandwidth right now to develop something more serious. Then he broke my heart. I am almost as heartbroken about this as I am about my divorce. He was the kind of man I should be pursuing, but it's clear that emotionally mature men who treat their partners well can recognize when someone is a hot fucking mess and will run the other way.

Possibly Beau #5: Pansexual, 6 years younger than me, 5'7", ex Navy, mobile urgent care nurse (though recently got disability benefits approved). He doesn't seem that young, which I think is probably due to being in the military (and again, being queer seems to cancel out problematic military stuff). We met on Feeld. We get along really well and sex was been really good. We actually talked for 3 weeks before meeting IRL.

I had a good feeling about him. I was wrong.

We went out once and it was absolutely lovely, but over the course of 4 weeks, he cancelled on me 3 times. The 3rd time was the final straw for me. He agreed that I had every right to be upset and want to break things off after that. I really wanted him to fight for me. He didn't. Things like this make me feel like I'm not worthy. Deep down, I know it's not true, but I'm just not at a point mentally where I can believe it. Hopefully I'll get there someday.

We actually started texting again. My therapist helped me realize that I reacted poorly (not that I shouldn't have been mad, but my reaction was out of line). I apologized and he offered to talk it out, but he's been really busy, apparently 🙄 I eventually told him I missed texting with him and he said the reason he wasn't responding was because he thought I wouldn't want to start texting again without talking. I told him that ideally, talking first would be good, but that I was open to texting anyway and waiting for him to have the time to talk. So far, it's kinda how it was before with less sexy talk (though it's becoming more and more and even not when I'm drunk or high). We finally talked about it and he would love to have something with me, but he can't offer what I deserve, time commitment-wise. So we'll just keep texting, I guess. His recent disability approval might result in the possibility of being able to see each other regularly, but he has to get his meds under control first.

Honestly, I can't stop thinking about how he first kissed me, how good the sex was and I often pull up the intentional shirtless selfie because he's really fucking hot. I have a problem and his name is Beau #5.

FWB #1: Straight, 2 years older than me, 6'1", works for some sort of non-profit (I think). We met on Feeld. I was high on our first date (unintentionally) and having a beer made it worse. But even with that, I realized I definitely didn't want to date him. He is excellent in foreplay (definitely a pleasure dom), but mediocre at sex. He's definitely too tall for me to want to date (when you're over 5'10", your face is too far away for kissing), but he's nice to have in my back pocket for when I want to get laid.

I also went on 2 dates with a bisexual guy who is only 5'9", an ad exec and is 3 years younger than me. The conversation flowed well and while I wasn't sure if we had chemistry, he kissed me while we were waiting for my bus and yup, there definitely was chemistry.

We had a very successful second date that resulted in an accidental hickey. It was totally one of these:

We also had a good talk about expectations. He's not poly and isn't really interested in it, but is perfectly comfortable with me being poly and hearing about my other relationships. Before we met, we were chatting the afternoon where I was finally meeting Possibly Beau #5 and he said, "Get it, girl!" and was happy to hear that I got it. Ultimately, he was looking for a long term monogamous relationship, but he was also content with seeing me in the meantime. He recently told me his ex asked to get back together and he said yes.

I'm honestly not sad about it because I didn't like him as much as my beaus. I mean, I did like him, but the connection wasn't as strong as it is with my beaus. I didn't even feeling any NRE with him really. But I enjoyed the companionship and sex.

The Tree: so I had the following in my Feeld profile

I was striking out with the really tall guys. Some were fake. A few seemed interested and then disconnected (the worst was when I sent one a sexy photo and he disconnected with me upon seeing it). I've been talking to one who is actually 50, but doesn't look it at all. I've been trying for months to get together with him, but he's got 4 kids in their teens and 20s and is just too busy. It's a shame because he's really hot.

Finally, I matched with The Tree. He's 6'4" and straight (possibly heteroflexible, as he's interested in being in an MMF) and 2 years younger than me. I met him and it turns out I actually really like him. Like honestly, if he were at least 6" shorter, he'd be 100% my type.

My curiosity is the logistics of having sex with someone over a foot taller than me. The tallest guy I ever dated was maybe 5'10" and then, as I said before, FWB #1 is 6'1". I also have very short legs (25" inseam), so that could make things even more complicated.

We've been doing the FWB thing for a bit now and I don't think I could have picked a better specimen, TBH. I mean, there was one who looked like Matthew Gray Gubler that I was very interested in, but he had a very sparse profile and well, he didn't like my sexy pic (unmatched after I sent it 😒). It's definitely a novelty, but we have fun. And he actually has asked me if I wanted to get together, so it's nice not to always be the one asking for a booty call.

Recently, I've had rough times with Beau #4 and my spouse and he's really been there for me in a way I would not expect from a fuck buddy. But I guess we're more than that. We are definitely friends and I can tell he really cares about me. I mean, anyone who'll let you cry all over them after sex clearly does. I'd honestly like to date him, despite him being freakishly tall, but he's been dealing with a messy breakup for awhile and he's just not ready for a relationship. But he's been amazing to me (and not just in bed) and I really think there could be something there once our lives become less of shitshows.

FWB #2: Straight, 5'7", 3½ years older than me. We met on Hinge. He was actually the first person I talked to on there. There's definitely not a romantic connection there, but I do like him a lot. We have a lot of good conversations. He's actually available most nights, so he'll be the one I text first when I need to get laid. He is also excellent in bed, so even better.

Lady #1: My friend's partner. Originally met on Hinge, but met organically in person, 5'3", 5 years younger than me, bi. Her partner was actually the guy who Beau #4 was going to let have me, not knowing he wasn't my type. I walked into our local poly cocktails one night and went over to say hi to him and she was sitting across from him. "We're talking on Hinge!" she exclaimed. NGL, I was feeling a little awkward about it, especially since her partner was giving off some more than friendly vibes to me, but he was actually excited that we matched and had been talking. He even gave her my number so we could text and coordinate a date.

We went on a date (drinks) and had some good conversations about homebuying (her and her partner just put in an offer on a house) and dating (straight men are horrible). I wasn't sure how it actually went because when we were parting ways, she hugged me goodbye and ran away to her bus stop. And no, her bus was not coming because I was on the same side of the street, walking away from her stop and the bus would have passed me by. We were supposed to have a cute thrifting date, but she had to cancel because of a work thing 😕 She admitted later that she wasn't feeling romantic vibes, but definitely wants to be friends. She also said she's open to things changing in the future, so we'll see how that goes.

Lady #2: Pansexual, 5'4", 5 years older than me, met on Hinge. We had some fun banter back and forth for awhile and then she asked me out. We went out to a local lesbian bar and had some good conversation while we were there. She's a sex therapist, which could be interesting, and also very kinky. The date went well. We ended up making out at the bus stop. We went on 2 other dates that went very well, but never managed to get a 4th date planned, mostly because my life blew up. But she also has tried to be helpful while I've been dealing with the blow up and I really appreciate that. I think she might just be keeping her distance, which is totally fair. She recently got some bad health news and is focusing on her health, so that's that.