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zukkacore · 11 months ago

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okay okay okay. it was so hard to choose a scene from (tell me how) for the director commentary but i got it: The start of “Listen to me.” Porter takes his face in his hands. “I have everything under control. The Bad Kids are nothing, Jace. Trust me..." to.... well. End.

Shameless Self Promo for (tell me how) to be more like you

OOOOOOHHH ok ty ty this is great thank you. This was actually super fun to think about and thank you for asking! I came into this thinking I wouldn’t have much to say, but oops. Guess not. I’m not gonna TOTALLY backtrack but what I will say is that. This is actually kinda interesting b/c i was talking to a friend abt the fic in general, and this scene gave me some grief b/c I remember saying I was actually like. Really hesitant to add like. More overt “romantic” elements to the scene b/c I thought they would be too… abrupt or jarring I guess? Like. To me this fic is more of a conduit for me to scream abt Jace n Gorgug parallels from the rooftops, so it wasn't about the starbreaker relationship until I realized it was ALL ABOUT the starbreaker relationship. I also don’t tend to see Porter in my mind as this…openly affectionate or reassuring… Something like that.

But also there’s this huge roller coaster that Jace is being pulled through and he’s being so starved for affection that he will take absolutely anything rn. I also realized a resolution like that was necessary because, maybe it’s just me extrapolating from headcanon, I always sense this, like, underlying tension between Porter’s desire to dominate and control others vs. his desire to push, to optimize and actualize. We’ve seen him act this way with Fig and with Gorgug, and it’s not textual that this is an internal conflict regarding his feelings about Jace being his subordinate, but to me this tension seemed like a natural extension of Porter’s relationships with the character’s we DO see. After so much breaking Jace down, he’s gotta get built up, gotta get on the hook again.

“Listen to me / I have everything under control”

is also. So authoritative, and the closest thing to reassurance Jace is gonna get. So much of Jace’s side of the conversation is 1-2 degrees of separation away from basically admitting “I care about you so much despite everything, and I’m just begging for you to care about me, too. (Don’t you see how stressed i am. Don’t you care about my life at all. etc).” And it’s telling that Porter can’t be vulnerable in return, the best he can do is reassure Jace that everything is gonna be ok in this egotistical, almost paternalistic way.

(“They’re twig gremlins” is such a signaling facts line tho. Sorry if that’s confusing. I used to listen to the shrieking shack podcast, and their dunkfest on HP7 will live in my head forever highly recommend btw, it fully changed my opinion on the final book forever that it truly should be seen as a GOT final season level embarrassment and for some reason its not even tho it’s astoundingly bad AND meanspirited. Anyway. I remember so clearly them saying one of the weird things abt deathly hallows was that it kept doing this fanfic thing of like “signaling facts” about the lore to prove the writer has done their research or is winking playfully at the source material. Which is weird bc it’s a book and not a fanfiction, so it felt really out of place and jarring. Anyway i have no qualms with fanfic signaling facts. I thought using a fantasy creature that is equally as insignificant as a rat or a spider would be fun. We all know what the ratgrinders do.)

Maybe I got a little over-invested. I can’t help it, I need recruits, and the kid’s a natural. But that’s not everything. He’s too… Too timid. Afraid.” “Of what?” “Embracing his power.”

Extrapolating on Porter’s motivations for saying he needs recruits tho; I mean, I don’t think he ever outright SAYS it but if he wants to be the god of war, I’m assuming he wants strong soldiers for his empire? In my mind this goes hand in hand with the like. Wanting to actualize certain characters even if its technically against his best interests (which i do think is somewhat is goal even if sometimes you can chalk it up to manipulations for his other plans. Like. I do think on some level as just a teacher, Porter thinks giving gorgug some tough love will push him where he needs to go). If you want to meld a strong warrior in your image, it's not a problem as long as you can get them On Your Side, ideally by persuasion but he has no problem using force (presumably shatterstar).

Which goes hand in hand with the doublespeak that is both about Jace and Gorgug when he says that jace/Gorgug is afraid of “embracing his power”. As much as I view it as a tension, i don’t think it’s a true contradiction for Porter to want to control Jace while also wanting to “actualize” him, control to keep someone submissive vs. control to shape someone into something you find personally acceptable.

And in the eyes of Porter, Gorgug’s flaws are that he is timid, noncommittal, and kinda dense; Porter’s never stated in the canon that he’s repulsed by Jace for the same reason, but why wouldn’t he be? He calls Gorgug a “natural” and I’m pretty sure he says that directly to Gorgug’s face in-show? And with Jace being a sorcerer, it’s meant to be a subtle reinforcement (Even when he’s trying to be comforting!!!) that like, yeah, raw talent isn’t enough. Especially if you’re letting it go to waste. I also think it’s Porter trying to recontextualize everything he’s expressed abt Gorgug. No, that wasn’t disgust, it’s a good thing. Trust me. It’s because I want what’s best for you.

All of this is building to Porter making Jace feel like he’s getting a shot to rise to an occasion. He basically just got reprimanded for wanting things to be easy so now it’s like—this is an opportunity for you. (I actually joked w/ a friend abt this, too, abt this idea of like Earning Porter’s Approval literally through the experience of watching FHJY. I actually described it to them as like, I felt like me and gorgug were basically Andy from Devil Wears Prada in the trenches, and on a practical level, we know what Miranda is putting her through is abusive, but also finally gaining her approval feels GOOD and you feel good FOR Andy when she starts nailing the job. I hated Porter for so long but by the time he was getting along with the bad kids I swung in the other direction, I started to really like him. Oh how young and foolish we were)

And Jace from the very start of “Listen to me” buys the whole thing. Porter doesn’t care for who Jace is, but he loves what Jace could be. And I don’t think Porter’s motivations are all manipulative, at least not overtly, because he does see something in Jace, so what if it happens to coincide with using him to ascend to godhood? It’s this genuine, like, god-as-patriarch perspective of i love you so much that I decide what is best for you. And that belief is both a source of frustration and motivation (esp b/c this personal take on Jace is neurodivergent coded. I won’t go into it. The failing wizardry comment did something to my brain, ok? You’ve built up a perfectly actualized version of me in your head and say it's because you want what’s best for me, and you’re making it my problem. I’m not injecting personal experiences into this. Who said I was).

So Porter loves who Jace could be, and in that moment, just out of Jace’s reach it’s enough, it’s even something aspirational. As fucked over as he was by Porter, its like, after a long time of just kinda Existing, it feels good to feel like someone believes in you.

“Tell me some things aren’t worth a little risk.”

Porter kisses him, and it’s an implicit signal of, like, it’s good to be a little dangerous actually. Don’t be such a stick in the mud. It’s good to be bad. It’s exciting, being with you is exciting, don’t you want to push the envelope a little bit for me?

(And in my mind because Jace has referenced missing being with Porter “It's the closest they've been in ages. Jace can't help but lean a little bit into it.” etc etc Jace kinda does this thing where they do their like toxic yaoi at each other's throats back and forth and Jace will kinda peel off. And then come back. Like they’re technically in one of their Off Phases now where Jace tries to convince himself that it’s better if they maintain some space. This is by far one of the more tender instances of them like coming back together, usually it's a lot more, ya know. Violent toxic yaoi coded. But it reminds him of before the shatterstar, when there were more instances like this. Maybe i should have included some of this in the actual fic. Lol. I literally wrote it in such a rush.)

“Hey. You’re gonna knock it out of the park, alright? [...] We’re all looking to you, now, Stardiamond. It’s a heavy burden, but I can’t think of anyone else I’d trust more to handle the responsibility"

And trying to be sneaky, saying things with double meanings is creating this moment of intimacy of like—we get each other. This is OUR thing. AND the flirting is doing double duty. The undercurrent of “I trust you with this responsibility” doubles as a more menacing “Don’t let me down”. But there's also that recalling of like. Oh yeah, they really are just like. Co-workers. Maybe a little intense to say, but also on the outside, is that not innocuous enough? Who among us has not said to our best friend (i kid)

Anyway, I wasn’t sure where I was going when I wrote it, but i also think there’s something so interesting abt a sorcerer needing to be so dependent on another person for that sense of purpose. Porter is so his whole world here, which is crazy b/c sorcerers project their Will into the world (I have so many thoughts abt how this parallels the thing tracker said to Kristen about liking the idea of making your own meaning but also not wanting to do the work b/c on some level you think you deserve to have it easy. I think Jace is so similar. He likes the idea of being self-determining, of projecting his will, he’s even smug about it, but he also doesn’t want to put in the WORK so the minute someone else comes along gives him answers he’s like ok. That’s ok. Making meaning is exhausting anyway. This is my new reality now. But never mind it. Maybe it's for a prequel?).

(also bonus that didn’t really fit into the progression of Thoughts, but there’s also the fact that in my mind, Porter saying about Gorgug, “He earned it, after the damn display at Frosty Fair,” is all but an admission that Porter is absolutely placating Jace, and Jace had actually very little sway in Porter’s decision-making. Porter was always gonna sign Gorgug’s MCAT (as long as Gorgug took the initiative to demand it). But Jace FEELS like something has changed, and that’s what matters. (something something that meme of the cow about the illusion of choice lol). I do think there is something intentionally disempowering about Porter bringing it up this way as well. Like, yes, Jace’s problem about antagonizing the bad kids seems to have gone (as far as he’s aware), but he is ultimately reinforcing, “this is my decision.”)

This doesn’t have anything to do with anything, but I do think there is an interpretation to be made (that I also enjoy in and partake) that Porter does also love Jace. I don’t know how much of that comes through in this particular instance.

Anyway, this was such a treat, thank you so much! Sorry if any of this felt redundant af bc i feel like I’ve said a lot of it before, or maybe it’s super self-evident.

#jan.ask #fhjy spoilers #jan.fic #sorta

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loaksky · 2 years ago

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you are such a talented writer! i’m taking a creative writing class this summer and i wanna start writing my own fics, do you have any writing tips? like ur process and how tf you pull such wonderful imagery and feeling out of a story?? thank you! xx

hi babes ! sorry it took me a bit to get around to answering this ! thank you so much for such a sweet message AHHH ! i actually took creative writing my senior year of college as an elective and it was SO fun so hopefully you have a blast taking it ! also so excited that you're getting into writing your own fics, it can definitely be a gratifying experience. even though i feel like i'm not qualified to give writer advice, some thoughts are under the cut LMAO <3

my initial thought is gonna sound so unhelpful, but i read this quote / saying somewhere and it's stuck with me since: just write and keep writing after, even if you hate what you write. and the reasoning that came with the quote is that you already have 100 percent more to work with than if you were to write, hate what you produce, and then stop until you feel 'good enough' to go again. you can always revise, you can always edit, you can always delete and rewrite, but you'll have something to work with. this is something i really struggled with in high school when i was really getting into writing.

obviously you don't want to push yourself into a state where you develop an unhealthy relationship with it, but it's just a little encouragement or motivation that i used to remind myself of when i would get in a funk.

some random technical (?) advice in no particular order:

use pinterest for writing prompts, templates (for world building, character building, plot structuring), creating moodboards for your projects, etc. pinterest is my holy grail for writing both fanfiction and regular fiction / personal projects. possibilities are endless with miss pinterest.

said and says can get repetitive, yes, but they are still very useful. if you try to swap out said and says with too many alternatives, you run the risk of compromising reading flow and sounding a little too wordy.

in that same vein, try out different word choices, but be careful with which ones you choose! sometimes (like with said and says), writers will use a thesaurus and pick the 'smartest' sounding word and then it ends up throwing off the way the sentence reads...if that makes sense...i'm rambling now lmaooo

in regards to your specific question about my process:

i'm literally so all over the place. sometimes i'll think of a really cool title and then just run with that.

other times, i'll think of a conflict and craft a plot around the conflict and build outwards.

sometimes i'll already have my ending in mind and backtrack all the way to the beginning. then i'll the time to flesh out the foundation.

i also listen to a lot of music. if you go through my masterlist, you'll probably peep a lot of song titles hahaha. i usually use music as a way to feel out a vibe or write using inspiration from the lyrics.

as mentioned above, i love making moodboards and perusing pinterest !

also, this may sound lowkey crazy, but i love writing as if i'm describing scenes in a movie. or maybe directing a movie? i'm a very sensory person, so i try to make sure i include most, if not all, of the senses when constructing these 'scenes'.

and finally!

just have fun! in both the creative writing class and online, don't let outside pressures like your peers, numbers, or other things get in the way of you creating what you love and being apart of a community. it can be difficult and a little isolating at times, but no matter what, just remember what you went into your endeavors looking for!

ik i was a little all over the place, but this is what i can think of for now because my brain is absolutely fried lmaooo. if you have anymore specific questions: lmk, i love talking n chatting hehe

best of luck to you in your class and i hope you enjoy the journey of writing fanfiction as well! <3

#neng answers ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗#anonymous ✩°｡⋆⸜(˙꒳˙ )#neng's ted talks ꒰ᐢ⸝⸝•༝•⸝⸝ᐢ꒱⸒⸒

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junowritings · 4 years ago

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Love what you did for the s/o protecting them request, can I get the same request but with riddle, Vil, and Lilia?

I’m glad you liked it hun~! Apologies for the long wait but here’s another installment for the protective S/O, I sincerely hope you enjoy~! ---------- Riddle

♡ Riddle’s a force to be reckoned with - he takes his position seriously and attends to all matters in a manner of care befitting of a dorm head. It’s one of the reasons why he’s so effective at what he does, and the knowledge and discipline at his disposal works in his favor most of the time. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t attract the ire of others in doing so, if anything, Riddle has amassed quite the number of people who have found some kind of issue with the way that he runs things, and they’ve confronted him in a myriad of ways. Ranging from hurling insults to trying to use their unique magic to their advantage, Riddle’s been swift to handle any such altercations before they got out of hand, so they escalate to anything serious thanks to the usage of his own magic. However, the balance shifts slightly after the unbirthday party event.

♡ Sure, he may be...overly harsh, at times, but after the overblot incident he’s been wanting to make a change for the better. Of course this has been a long winded process, full of little steps, but he’s been making good progress - and you’ve been there through the whole thing, with reassuring smiles and words of affirmation during moments of doubt. It seems that in doing so, some bothersome students see that as a moment of weakness and a chance to bring old grievances to light, believing they can finally get payback, and they eagerly circle in to take advantage of the situation.

♡ Riddle sees it coming, or at least notices that they’re approaching him for a fight when some students move in to surround him in the common room. He takes in the sour expressions, watching them look between one another as though wordlessly seeking a spokesperson for their little group, before Riddle breaks the silence to ask if there’s anything they want to say. One of them steps forward, face twisting up in anger as they jam a finger into his face, yelling about how dare he act as though he did nothing wrong - does he not remember the humiliation he put them all through, shackling them with those damn collars and stripping them of their magic?!

♡ The question is useless - of course Riddle remembers every person he’s used his magic on, it helps no one if he forgot who had been subjected to having their magic stripped away. Riddle also remembers all of the reasons that he’s used said magic, and looking up into the faces that surround him, he can pinpoint exactly what it was that got them put in those collars - vandalism being the particular offense of the student shouting in front of him. Bringing up such facts are useless - it won’t do anything to quell their anger - but he does anyway if only to acknowledge that he’s well aware of who they are. He stands by using his unique magic in those instances, because even if he is working to be more lenient he’s not going to overlook offenses that reflect badly on the dorm and put his fellow students at risk.

♡ His comment only proves to rile up the group - a chorus of hisses and whispers break out as the person before him grits his teeth hard enough Riddle can hear them clack as the student pulls his expression back into a snarl. That hand is still waving in his face, and Riddle, finally fed up with the situation, bats it away and takes a step back to create some distance, already reaching for his wand just in case someone gets the wild idea to bring magic into what is seemingly beginning to escalate into a fight.

♡ Someone in the ring notices his hand move and yells, and the student before him grits his teeth again with a growl. The finger in his face fans out into a hand, grabbing ahold of Riddle’s face hard enough that their nails etch violent red crescents into his skin as he’s yanked forward into the centre of the circle. The voices all crescendo into a chorus of conflicting views - some of them are cheering the scene on while others are shuffling nervously voicing their concerns of things going too far - either way the guy pays no attention to their words and tightens his grip, keeping him rooted into place as he winds a fist back. Riddle grapples with the hand grabbing him, teeth gritted and trying to wrench off the grip with no success; the look he gives the student holding him is scathing, eyes narrowed even as he eyes the raised fist with clear apprehension. The first hit makes contact with his cheek, the second Riddle manages to wrench his head enough to the side to just scrape across the side of his head; however the third freezes in its tracks when a voice bellows out across the crowd, and someone pushes into the circle.

♡ All too quickly, Riddle is shoved away and as he brings a hand to cradle his face a shadow moves to stand between him and the student who grabbed him. Riddle recognizes your voice immediately, and your words drip with venom as you lunge forward and shove the student away, snarling as you verbally tear into them and stun the entire group into silence. ♡ Rarely has Riddle seen you so enraged, but the anger flashes in your eyes as your hands balled into fists, just daring someone to step forward and try taking them on. Just like that it’s as though the wind has been ripped from their sails and the angry mob all but deflates, none of them making a move despite sticking you with resentful glares.

♡ You pay them no mind, backtracking slowly till you’re side by side with Riddle, and the dorm leader admittedly starts when he feels your hands slip around his shoulders, guiding him to move along with you as you start to make your way back towards the door. The crowd is still blocking the way, hesitating, but when you stick them with a scowl and keep approaching them the group parts and gives you a wide berth, and soon enough you’ve led Riddle out of the room and down the hall, not pausing for a second. It’s only once you’re a safe distance away that you actually speak to him, voice quiet yet firm as you ask him if he’s okay. He glances up at you - your eyes are trained on the walkway ahead, but he catches your gaze occasionally flickering to look at him or, more accurately, the marks marring his face. Riddle can only imagine what he must look like; the nail marks no longer sting, however the side of his face throbs in a way that bodes poorly for his hopes of it not bruising. The thought makes Riddle seethe, and he honestly has half a mind to go back and take all of their heads till they graduate. But then he watches your expression soften, voice wavering with concern as you tell him that you’ll head straight to Crowley and let him know what happened as soon as you got him to the infirmary - it’s likely not needed, but your concern for him gives the dorm leader enough pause on the thought of going back. He can deal with those delinquents later, for now he lets you guide him, giving his shoulders a comforting squeeze and making sure he stays close.

Vil

♡ People know better than to pick fights with Vil - he’s the epitome of the fact that appearances can be deceiving, and it’s something that the first, second and third years have all learned quickly since he’s worked his way up to dorm leader. Those that have attempted to take him on in the past have severely underestimated his abilities - he’s not just proficient in magic, but in actual physical scraps. You wouldn’t believe it at first glance, but he’s been involved in fights before, and while he would rather avoid them if they do come up he’s not about to turn tail and flee when he can confront them directly and give anyone stepping out of line a brutal lesson.

♡ He fights swift and harsh, ending quarrels with little more than a bat of the eye. Anyone actively picking fights with Vil is either the most competent magic user this side of twisted wonderland, or they’re naive fools - either way Vil refuses to let such quarrels stand for longer than they have to and has learned to handle them effectively. That’s one of the reasons why when people have a bone to pick with him they rarely ever act on it, much less approach him directly about their perceived sleights; so if someone were to try and accost him it would be quite the confrontation.

♡ Vil spots them before they even approach him - the cautious eyes and whispering is nowhere near as inconspicuous as those students may believe it to be, so Vil’s got his eyes on them from the get-go, just waiting for them to pluck up the courage to confront him directly. They’re up front at least, the abrupt shout of his name gaining the dorm leader’s full attention as the self-proposed leader struts forward with squared shoulders and a seething glare. They’re none too happy, and Vil’s face is tempered into a calm expression as he rises to meet them halfway, the other students of their group trailing behind to see the turnout of this conversation.

♡ Only there is no conversation, as they don’t even give the dorm head a chance to speak before they take a swing at him. An open palm flies up to meet with his face but Vil wordlessly intercepts it, hand wrapping around the student’s wrist and keeping a firm hold as he narrows his eyes, dropping the pleasantries. They’re taken aback by the action, and flounder in retaliation, attempting to wrench their hand free from his grip with an angry hiss. Vil has half the mind to consider their plead for him to let go, willing to pass it off as an action pushed by emotion if they apologize and back down; however he doesn’t have the time to release his hold when the student throws up their free hand, curled up into a fist aiming straight for his jaw.

♡ That hand is snagged just as swiftly, however it’s not Vil who catches it. Vil inclines his head to the side watching you step into view, grip hard enough that your knuckles are turning white as you wordlessly stare down Vil’s would-be aggressor. The harshness in your expression hardly fits the usual warmness you exude in his presence, your entire demeanour cold and hostile as you squeeze a little tighter. It’s only once you hear the student yelp and try to step away that both you and Vil simultaneously release your grip, giving them the chance to backpedal and, after a moment of looking desperately between the pair of you, flee back to their group and out of the room.

♡ You make a blunt quip about how they trip over their own feet to get away, grumbling about how ironic it is that they’re the same person who thought it was such a good idea to take a swing at your boyfriend. You’re still glowering in their direction when a hand brushing across your cheek directs your attention back to Vil, the anger on your face washing away into a curious look once you get a look at the calm expression on his face. How is he so chill about this? Shouldn’t he be angry too? It’s not like that person even gave him a reason for picking a fight, just swinging out of nowhere without telling Vil what he’d even done wrong!

♡ Vil’s voice cuts off your stewing, stating that he didn’t quite realize you had such a bite. That gets him a huff in response as you cast another look at the door the group fled out of, and Vil half-suspects that he may have to step in before you decide to go follow them, so he pulls your focus back to him as he continues. His words of praise for having such a ‘dedicated bodyguard’ are earnest, though you don’t miss the teasing edge behind them; you grumble but don’t turn away as you mutter that of course you’d step in - he can protect himself but that doesn’t mean you’re just going to stand there and let it happen - you want him to know he can rely on you. That nets you a smile and another brush of his hand along your cheek, an action that has you puffing out your chest as you flash a confident grin of your own.

Lilia

♡ It’s hard to imagine that many would have the guts to take on Lilia without some kind of elaborate trick up their sleeve. The Diasomnia dorm itself is an imposing dorm, both in appearances and in the students who reside there, with one of the more intimidating dorm heads as their leader to boot. Needless to say its reputation precedes them, so there’s few people who would so openly voice their grievances unless they’ve got the guts and confidence to back themselves up. Lilia himself is no exception - sure he comes off as playful and more than a little mischievous, but many know better than to actually take that at face value. The rumors surrounding his age and ability alone make some shy away from confrontation - some, but not all.

♡ Perhaps it’s the fact that Lilia is more open and welcoming out of the dorm, or maybe it’s just because some people are too headstrong to let bygones be bygones, but when someone’s got a bone to pick with him, Lilia can hear it coming from a mile away - literally. Even without his impeccable hearing, they’re not exactly quiet about their gripes as they grumble their plans amongst themselves; Lilia would have probably ambled over to see what the ruckus was about if they hadn’t finally decided to come over, rolling up their sleeves and sticking close together as they approach him.

♡ It’s a small group - three students that Lilia recognizes from the other dorms, and at the call of his name he turns to look at them, smiling at them as they approach. That smile falters only a tad upon seeing the angry expressions marring their faces as they approach, seeming to only get angrier when Lilia doesn’t even flinch watching them circle around him.

♡ One student lunges forward and Lilia sidesteps them without hesitation, spinning only to grab them by the back of their blazer and tug them back onto their feet before they can fall flat on their face and make a fool of themselves. They sputter, whipping around to give the still grinning Diasomnia student an incredulous look before letting out a yowl of frustration and diving for him again. That attempt is just as unsuccessful, and by the fourth attempt to grab him, the guy’s little friends deem it the perfect time to try grappling for the boy, each with varying degrees of failure.

♡ It would almost make for a hilarious sight to anyone watching; their movements get increasingly more desperate the longer Lilia evades their grasp, and he just looks more and more amused by the fact that it’s so easy to slip out of their grips. If they’d approached him more calmly perhaps Lilia wouldn’t have minded staying still and letting them speak, but as things stand they haven’t just come to talk things out - they’ve come to pick a fight, so if they want one they’re going to have it on his terms.

♡ There’s a yell from the other side of the room, and all four heads turn just in time to catch you rounding the doorway, storming over to them with proverbial hackles raised and a deep enough scowl to make anyone tense. If you weren’t terrifying enough, the person who rounds the corner to follow you certainly does. The moment the other students catch sight of Malleus appearing behind you has them shrieking in unison, and the small group narrowly avoids landing in a pile of limbs on the floor as they try to scatter to the winds and flee. Malleus, who hadn’t seen the confrontation, watches them go with a perplexed expression; you on the other hand look ready to burst as you dart past your partner to chase after them, cusses already bubbling on your lips.

♡ Lilia’s grip is gentle but firm as he tugs you back, essentially stopping you from going after his pursuers. You’re none too pleased about being stopped, but you turn your focus back to him just as quickly, swiveling on your heel till you’re face to face and taking his face into your hands asking if he’s hurt. You look this way and that way, trying to discern if they even got a breath of a hit in - not that they would of course, you knew that but it didn’t hurt to check anyway. Lilia seems chuffed at the attention, letting out a content hum as the mischievous grin on his face mellows out into a happier expression, easing your concerns with his words as he assures you that those students did nothing but get a bit too rambunctious, reassuring you despite the way you glare in the direction they’d ran off when he turns to address Malleus.

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parker-razor · 4 years ago

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many a dream about you

afab!reader x mando (no y/n)

5.2k words, 18+, EXPLICIT!!

warnings: SMUT (extended warnings under the cut), mentions of injuries, unprotected sex (use protection!), very little editing

summary: when you and mando are forced to share a bed together, you end up having a dream that reveals more than you had hoped...

author’s notes: ahhhh! this is my first fic!! i’ll be honest, i got so excited i wrote most of this in one sitting. indulge me in some of my favorite smutty tropes about everyone’s favorite space dad!

extended warnings: oral (f receiving), wet dreams, thigh grinding, mentions of rough sex, multiple orgasms, overstimulation... i think that’s it

*****

Stars, you were exhausted.

You had just spent three weeks on the Razor Crest with the only bed available to you being a cheap mattress that might as well have just been a sack stuffed with sand. On top of the little sleep you were running on, you had just finished loading three bounties onto the Crest and into carbonite while Mando patched himself up. Dragging three grown men onto the ship and freezing them took all the strength out of you.

You finally collapsed into the pilot’s seat in the cockpit, catching your breath and giving your muscles a well-deserved break. Your eyes flutter closed as your body decompresses from the hard work and no sleep it’s been put through these past weeks. Mando had hired you just a month ago to look after the ship while he was away on hunts. Not to mention the little green gremlin he had adopted as his own, who kept you company and looked to you to get taken care of. It was much better than the life you had known; growing up on the outskirts of Tatooine was hard enough as is, but when your little shop had been pillaged and ransacked, you had nothing left on the small, desert planet. Mando had shown up just in time, sitting next to you in a dive bar.

*****

You had never seen one of his kind before, and to be honest, you were overwhelmed with the way he carried himself. He was big, towering over everyone he passed on his way to the barstools. You wondered why he even bothered if he couldn’t remove his helmet to drink, but you’d never ask. He sat himself just a few stools from yours, and after stealing a few glances with flushed cheeks, you finally opened your mouth to say something.

“Bounty hunters like you must be pretty busy on a planet like this,” you said, trying to talk over the loud band playing in the corner. “Not too many upstanding people tend to find themselves here.”

Slowly turning his helmet to face you, the Mandalorian said, “What does that say about you?”

Damn, you thought, he was quick to the draw.

“It’s not exactly my choice to live here. I’d give anything to get off this ball of sand.”

He says nothing, just turns his helmet forward again. You figure that’s the end of that, at least you tried. You can now say that you’ve talked to a Mandalorian before.

After a few beats of silence, he finally speaks. “Anything?”

You whip your head towards him, trying to figure out where this was going. Of course you wanted to leave, but you didn’t want to come off too eager in case he wasn’t serious.

“I mean, what do you have in mind?” you ask, trying to act as calm as possibly, but you couldn’t help but get a little excited at the prospect of leaving.

“I have… a son. He’s very small and can’t take care of himself yet. I don’t like taking him hunting, but I can’t leave him on the ship by himself,” he pauses, piecing together his words carefully. “I need someone to look after him.”

“So, I’d be his babysitter?”

“And ship sitter. Just keep it clean, nothing complicated.”

You pretended to ponder his proposition, but you knew you’d say yes almost immediately. There was nothing left for you here; no family, no livelihood, no friends. This was the best deal you had gotten in a long time. Except…

“So, what do I get in return?”

“I’d pay you, as much as I can afford. But you’d have your own bed and food.”

You’re sold.

*****

You’re brought back to the present when you hear Mando’s footsteps ascend the ladder to the cockpit. The child is holding onto him, smiling when he sees your face.

“How bad are you hurt?” you ask cautiously.

“I’ll live. Just a gash.”

“Well, I got the bounties in carbonite. But I gotta say Mando, I don’t know if I can sleep another night in a row on that shitty mattress.” He says nothing, and you haven’t figured out if that’s a good sign or a bad sign.

“Not that I don’t appreciate you making room for me! I’m just saying, I think we both need a proper rest tonight, especially after today,” you backtrack. You hear him sigh, nodding his head in agreement.

“Alright. I passed an inn on the way back here. Let’s see if they have any vacancy, hopefully with a bed better than the one you have.” You blush, embarrassed that you came off as ungrateful.

Mando was a mystery to you. He was quiet, a man of few words. It was especially hard trying to read him without being able to see any facial cues or expressions. Nevertheless, something about him exuded strength. He was much taller than you, but he was also just… big. Especially with all the beskar adding a whole other layer of strength. You couldn’t explain the attraction you felt for him. Something about how he towered over you, his visor boring into your face made you weak in the knees. How could you feel this way for someone who you’d barely talked to, let alone never seen their face?

He made you feel weak, but for some reason you liked that. Growing up on your home planet, you had to learn to fight for yourself. You were strong, with curves and muscles that showed just how tough life had made you. You never let a man make you feel less than or weak, always ready to defend yourself. But you liked that Mando made you feel small. It made no sense, but it also made perfect sense.

Sometimes at night, you’d let your hands wander. One hand wandered up to your face, whether to bite down on a finger or cover your mouth to keep yourself quiet, and the other down the front of your pants. Being around Mando so much made it difficult to wait until after he fell asleep to take care of the burning need you felt for him. You had your fair share of flings with the boys in your village, but none of them made you feel the way Mando did. With the most subtle actions he could make a heat blossom in your stomach and goosebumps spread over your arms. Sometimes the way he’d fly the Crest made you clench your thighs together; he looked so in charge in that pilot’s seat. Rubbing tight circles on your clit, clenching around nothing while angling your hips just right, you would be sent into orbit at the thought of his hands taking care of you instead.

After you and Mando had packed up your essentials, you got Grogu into his pram and headed off to the village nearby. You had no idea what planet you were on, but the flowering trees brought some joy to you. In the past weeks travelling with Mando, you had seen so many new things. You had never once left your home, and things like trees and streams had you in awe. You would never get used to how it made you feel.

The village was small, and it didn’t seem like there was anything else around for miles. You got to the motel, one of the larger buildings in the area. The lobby was small and surprisingly clean, much cleaner than the interior of the Crest. An older woman, the innkeeper you presumed, stood at the desk.

“We’d like two rooms. How much would that be?” Mando asked, not interested in entertaining niceties.

“So sorry sir, we only have one room available. A few of our rooms are under renovation, and there’s only one unoccupied that is fit to house anyone,” the woman said with a sickly sweet smile.

Mando sighed, obviously conflicted with the choice laid in front of him. He turned to you for your input.

“I- I don’t mind sharing a room. We don’t have to if you’re not comfortable, I just thought it be nice to escape the ship for the night.” You rushed your words out, feeling shy at the prospect of sharing the room with Mando. He had his own quarters on the ship, and you had yours, if you could even consider them quarters. After a few beats, Mando put some credits on the desk, and took the key the woman was offering.

Pushing down the excitement you felt, you grabbed your things that you had set down and followed Mando to your room. It’s not like you hadn’t been living in close proximity with Mando for the past few weeks anyways.

But this was different.

And you didn’t fully realize why it was so different until you opened the door to your room and saw that there was only one queen sized bed. Your jaw dropped, as you looked to Mando for his reaction. Nothing, as usual. He just walked into the room as if nothing had changed.

How was this gonna go? Were you just supposed to… share? The bed wasn’t puny, plenty of room for the both of you. But this was crossing a line that you didn’t even realize had been established. You didn’t really know much about each other and hadn’t been acquainted for very long. Not to mention the burning need you felt for him growing day by day.

And now you had to share a bed with him. No big deal.

Grogu’s cries for attention brought you out of your reverie of thoughts. You picked him up from his pram and placed him on the bed, allowing him to take in the room. The love and affection for the child had grown immensely since Mando had first introduced the two of you. You were initially shocked at how silently affectionate Mando was with him. You had never expected him to be the paternal type. You had yet to learn how the curious pair had found each other; a small part of you wondered if Mando looked similar to the child under his mask.

Mando had set his things on the chair in the corner and mumbled something about using the refresher. And as quickly as the door shut, you heard the shower turn on and the sound of beskar hitting the floor.

The realization that Mando was maskless, naked, just a few feet away sent a shockwave through your body. Was he tan? Did he have blond or brown hair? Was he truly strong or did the beskar just add extra bulk? You imagined he had scars littering his body, with chest hair dusting his front. The thought of it trailing down beneath his pants sent a shiver down your spine. Stars, your mind was in the gutter.

The sun had set, and Grogu’s eyes started to flutter and shut on one of the pillows on the bed. You picked him up and cradled him, resting your cheek to his. You savored moments like this; the ones that made your heart warm and full of comforting joy. Grogu’s breathing slowed, letting out snores every once in a while. You heard the shower shut off, and carefully placed Grogu into his pram, closing the top for him to sleep in peace.

Mando stepped out of the refresher in a thin pair of sleep trousers, a similar shirt and, of course, his helmet. Your gaze made you realize that he was definitely not wearing underwear, not leaving much to the imagination. You felt your face heat up as you looked anywhere but at him, almost positive that your face has turned as red as the setting sun.

“Your turn,” Mando said as he sauntered to the chair in the corner. He placed his things on the ground, sat in the chair, and crossed his arms as if to get comfortable.

“You’re not sleeping over there, are you?” you asked.

“I… just assumed… I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Your blush was back with a vengeance.

“I don’t mind. We got this room to relax, and you sure as hell don’t seem at ease with the way you’re sitting.” He said nothing for a few moments before sighing and standing to walk over towards the bed.

Oh Maker, this is actually happening, you thought. What act was more intimate than sharing a bed with someone? Well, there was the obvious one, but…

You scurried to the washroom, desperate to cool yourself down and collect your thoughts. This didn’t have to be a big deal, and if you kept acting all standoffish like you had been, you’d chase Mando away with the bizarre energy you were emitting.

You splashed cold water on your face to calm your blush, brushed your teeth with vigor, and changed into your pajamas. Granted, they were much scantier than the ideal, but you hadn’t expected to be sharing a bed, let alone a room, with the Mandalorian.

Stepping out of the refresher, you see Mando lying in bed with the lamplight on. Maker, you wanted to nothing but climb in with him and lay on his chest…

His chest. This was the first time you’d seen him without all that bulky armor. Through his thin clothing you could tell he was strong, with broad shoulders and contoured muscle. His helmet turned towards you, and what you didn’t know was that he was eyeing you in your not-so-modest sleep clothes as well.

What you didn’t know was how Mando gazed at you when you held the child, cooing at him as he gently tugged on your hair or stroked your cheek. His helmet protected him from you finding out how often he stared at you in adoration. Your curves, your smile, your silent strength. Stars, he thought you were the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. But what you saw when he looked at you was a silent T-visor staring at you with no emotion.

After a beat, your gaze met the floor as you walked to the other side of the bed, closest to the window. You crawled under the covers, waiting for some quick comment or a reaction from the man next to you. Finally, he spoke.

“Are you sure you don’t want me in the chair?” he asked.

“Stars, Mando, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’d want to be as far away from me as possible,” you responded, embarrassed.

“That’s- no, not at all. I, uh, just wanted you to feel comfortable,” he stumbled. You had never seen him so lost for words, so taken back.

“I promise, Mando, if anything I feel more comfortable with you next to me.” Oh Maker, why did you just say that? That was the most upfront you’d been with him. Just as you were about to take back your words…

“I feel the same,” he responded quietly. Stars, if your heart didn’t explode at his words.

It was quiet for a few moments, until you said, “Well… goodnight Mando.”

“Goodnight.” He turned off the lamplight and shuffled deeper under the blankets. You were unsure if you should stay as close to the edge as possible or be truly comfortable and let yourself get a little closer to Mando. Before you could make up your mind, exhaustion overtook you and you drifted to sleep.

*****

Mando stirred in your sleep, disturbed by something he hadn’t recognized yet. As he continued to drift in and out of sleep, he heard something that he wasn’t sure was a part of a dream or reality.

Quiet mumblings came from your side of the bed, mixed with indistinguishable groans. His instincts kicked in, becoming fully awake to survey the room for any threats. It took him a moment to realize that as you slept, you had moved closer to Mando – much closer.

Your leg was draped over his torso, with your chest pressed to his side and your arm resting on his chest. But what he noticed most was the way your hips rolled, your core grinding against the side of his thigh. Looking at your face, he could tell you were asleep. Your breaths grew heavier, quiet groans turning into moans. Mando felt his pants grow tighter, not know whether or not to wake you from your obvious wet dream.

Mando froze when he heard you say his name while your hips sped up. “M-Mando, don’t stop… Please…” Fuck, you were dreaming about him. He wanted nothing more than to rub the growing problem in his pants, but he knew that crossed a line.

As your breath started to hitch, he could tell you were getting close. Just as you were about to cum, you jolted awake, breathing heavily while taking in what was going on.

You looked down at the scene you had caused, rendered speechless. Flooded with humiliation, you jumped out of bed and ran to the refresher as Mando shouted your name. You slammed the refresher door and locked it, tears springing to your eyes. Fuck fuck fuck, this was bad. Did you just ruin everything? Mando must hate you now.

“Please open the door, I’m not mad. Let’s just talk,” Mando said through the door, not wanting to reveal how he felt behind a slab of wood. You said nothing, feeling utterly mortified. There’s no way you could look him in the eye (well, helmet) after getting yourself off on his thigh in your sleep. Fuck.

After twenty minutes of Mando trying to convince you that he wasn’t upset and he just wanted to talk, he gave up. Sighing, he pushed himself off the floor and went back to sit on the bed. Though the tension in his pants had gone down, he couldn’t stop thinking about the sounds you made. He looked down to see that you had left a wet spot on his leg, causing him to groan. He had to stop himself from thinking that way, at least for right now while you were upset.

Meanwhile, in the bathroom, you were in shock. You tried your best to recount what had happened, but it didn’t help that you were asleep for most of it. The dream you were having a blur; Mando on top of you, and the intense feeling of being filled to the brim. Then, you remember waking up to Mando staring down at you, putting two and two together, and that was that.

You realized that Mando was awake before you were, which means he was watching you… do that to him. He didn’t try to wake you up or stop you. He was watching you get off. That had to mean… he liked it. He liked seeing you like that. Right?

You slowly stood up from the bathroom floor, wiping the tears you didn’t notice had fallen down your cheeks. Taking a few deep breaths, you calmed your bedhead and opened the washroom door, rounding the corner to face Mando sitting on the bed.

He looked up from the spot on the floor he was staring at as he sat deep in thought.

“Are- are you okay?” he asked, uncertain of what he should say.

“I’m… I’m sorry. I was asleep and I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable,” you admit, eyes glued to the floor. A few moments of deafening silence pass, with you shuffling in the spot where you stood and Mando’s helmet fixed towards you.

“What did you dream about?” Mando asked quietly. The Mandalorian was normally so stoic and strong in his conviction that to hear his voice quiver in nervousness made your gaze shoot up to his.

“It’s… embarrassing. I don’t want you to think less of me.” Your face turned beet red, a trait of yours you didn’t realize you possessed until you met Mando. He was the first person to make you feel shy and flustered.

“I won’t, I promise. I just want to know… I need to know.”

“It was… about me. And you.” Mando rose to walk over to where you were standing, near the foot of the bed.

“What about us, exactly? You can tell me. Tell me everything.” You hesitated to meet his gaze, eyes wide and nervous.

“You were… on me. In me. All over me.” You felt yourself getting breathless as Mando got closer to you, as you retold your dream without getting too graphic yet still admitting that you had dreamt of him taking you.

“And was I gentle, or was I rough?” Mando’s voice grew husky, just as breathless as you. Maker, his voice made you weak at the knees.

“Gentle, at first. But the longer you went you got rougher. Much rougher.” Your voice dropped into a whisper as Mando found himself right in front of you, almost chest to chest. Your eyes dropped to admire his chest, what it’d look like without his shirt. You wanted to trace every scar that marked his skin, kiss him, bite him.

He grabbed your chin with his thumb and forefinger, drawing your gaze from his chest to his helmet.

“And which did you like better? Tell me,” he whispered through the modulator, but there was no filtering out how deep and raspy his voice had gotten, like you had never heard before.

“I… I was just happy you were touching me,” you whispered, in shock that this wasn’t just another dream. His hand drifted from your chin to your neck, caressing every inch of you. You closed your eyes, unable to believe that he was touching you without his gloves on.

Suddenly, both hands came to your waist and pulled you into his chest, your hands finding their place on his chest. You whimpered, never feeling so small, not knowing why you liked it so much.

“Do you want me to touch you, sweet one? Like I did in your dream?” he rasped.

“Please… please touch me, Mando.” He groaned at that, manhandling you so your back turned to the bed and quickly thrown onto the bed.

“I like hearing you beg, love. Beg some more for me.” You whimpered, flushed and embarrassed but in the best way. Mando yanked at your legs so they were hanging off the bed with him standing between your knees. His hands drifted from your stomach up to your breasts, squeezing them while his thumbs rubbed your hardened nipples through your shirt.

Unable to take it any longer, you sat up and yanked your shirt over your head as Mando did the same. His expanse of muscle was all you could think about, the thatches of chest hair made you want to run your hands all over him.

He dropped to his knees in front of you, playing with the waistband of your sleep shorts.

“Tell me, did I eat this sweet pussy of yours in your dream?” You moaned, unable to remember but wanting his mouth on you all the same.

“I want you to, but your helmet…” Mando grabbed the blanket that was at the end of the bed, throwing it so one end covered your stomach and the other fell near the middle of his back. Awkwardly, you saw him maneuver under the blanket to take his helmet off, and then your shorts.

Before you could say so much as a “please,” Mando’s mouth enveloped your cunt with his hot mouth. Your gasp was loud and ragged, not expecting him to feel this good. You felt him moan into you, licking from your hole up to the tip of your clit.

“Am I the one who made you this wet, my sweet one? You’re dripping onto the bed for me,” you heard him rasp under the blankets.

“Please, Mando, you feel so f-fucking good,” you gasp as he puts his mouth on you again. You reach under the blanket to grab his hair to pull him the exact spots you wanted his mouth to be. Maker, his mouth was immaculate. His tongue messily toyed with your clit, groaning in your cunt when you tugged his hair which sent vibrations everywhere.

When he found that one spot, just to the left of your clit, you started to feel that familiar tension in your stomach, the one you’d get when you’d touch yourself in the silence of night in the Crest. You tilted your hips just right as he sucked your clit into your mouth, letting out an animalistic moan.

As soon as you felt him hum into your cunt again, you were gone. You fell over a cliff higher than ever before as everything went utterly white, white in your vision and white noise in your ears.

Maker, you came so fucking hard. And through the whole thing, Mando licked and sucked at you, slowing down when you eventually came down. You felt like you were floating through the aftermath as Mando kissed the inside of your thighs, and through the reverie you were in you felt the tickle of facial hair on your skin. You smiled to yourself, finally able to know something about the appearance of the man you adored so.

Mando quickly put his helmet back on under the blanket before pulling himself over you, stroking your face with the back of his hand.

“Do you want more? Or do you want me to stop?” he asked. As spent as you felt, at the sound of his voice your body began rearing up for more.

“More. I need your cock, Mando, so badly,” you whimpered, feeling a brand new wave of wetness flood at the apex of your legs.

You picked your head up, finally wrenching your eyes open as you felt Mando start to take his pants off. You were very suddenly awake again when you saw his cock spring out. He was big, bigger than the boys you had taken by far.

“I- I don’t know if you’ll fit. I’ve never had a man bigger than you.”

“No, sweet one, you’ve only had boys. I can’t wait to be the first man who wrecks you,” he rasps into your ears as your hands wrap themselves around his neck and down his back. Stars, he was sexy, an odd mix of shy and domineering all at once.

He started rubbing the tip against your cunt, and suddenly you were on fire again. You had never tried to get yourself again after one orgasm, always too spent and high on dopamine to go again. So you never got to realize that once you had one, more orgasms were not very difficult to achieve. Until, Mando’s tip swirled around your clit and you could feel the coil tighten yet again.

“M-Mando, I’m gonna cum again if you keep doing that,” you whimpered, causing him to groan and only put more pressure on your clit.

“Then do it, my love. I want to see your face when you cum for me.” You let out a series of curses until you came again, slightly weaker than the previous one but it rocked through you. Before you could even come down, Mando thrusted himself into you in one go. You let out a yell bordering on a scream, feeling your pussy stretch itself to fit all of him. Stars, the burn of the stretch made you shiver.

“Oh f-fuck, my sweet girl has an even sweeter pussy,” he gasped as he started to thrust himself into you. “S-so fucking t-tight and w-warm, I’m not gonna last…”

Your eyes rolled into the back of your head as Mando’s thrusts sped up, slamming into you at an unfathomable rate.

“No no, look at me. Look at me while I’m making you feel good,” Mando growled as he grabbed your cheeks to make you look at his helmet. You tried so hard to keep your eyes open, but as Mando tilted his hips just right, jamming into your G-spot, you lost control over your body. You were saying something, but you were so far gone that you couldn’t decipher what it was.

“Is that- fuck- all you can say, pretty girl? Please? Please what? What do you need, fuck I’ll give you everything you want, just say the word,” Mando rambled, just as drunk on your pussy as you were on his cock.

“D-d-don’t stop, p-please don’t s-stop,” you uttered out, not completely sure if you were having one long orgasm or if it was building to something even bigger.

“I’m never gonna stop, baby, never wanna stop…” Without warning, an orgasm so strong racked through your body. You had never cum just from penetration before, but the way the hair at the base of Mando’s cock was brushing against your cunt as he fucked you sent you beyond the edge.

“Oh my fucking- stars, baby you’re so tight I can barely move… I-I’m gonna-“ Mando gasped as you felt him cum deep inside you, moaning louder than you thought he would.

You both gasped for breath, utterly exhausted from the best sex in both of your lives. Mando pulled out and laid next you on the bed, stroking your hair gently.

“I wish I could kiss you right now,” you croaked, voice almost gone from overuse. Silence fell over the two of you, and you wanted to take back your words, until…

“Close your eyes. And don’t open them. Promise?” he said.

“I promise, I swear I won’t,” you said, shutting your eyes with your heart leaping at the prospect of finally kissing him. After a few moments of the sounds of shuffling next to you, you felt a soft pair of lips meet yours. It was tentative at first, but after a few gentle pecks Mando caressed your face and kissed you with a passion so strong it took your breath away. You felt his mustache tickle your upper lip as he kissed like if he pulled away, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself.

When he finally pulled away, you reminded yourself to keep your eyes closed as he put his helmet back on. You pulled yourself over him, almost in the exact position you had found yourself in when you woke up from your dream, except this time Mando’s arm was draped under your neck.

“I’m glad we finally did that,” Mando admitted after a while. “I’ve wanted to kiss you since the first day you started living on the Crest.” You lifted your head from his chest and rested your chin on his right pec, gazing at his face.

“You mean that?” you ask.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

You grinned from ear to ear, thanking the Maker that this wasn’t just because Mando was horny and he had found you getting yourself off on him. He had wanted you, too.

“For a minute I thought…I thought you’d tell me to leave and never come back. I was so embarrassed to wake up like that. But… I guess it ended up helping us out,” you chuckled. You heard Mando chuckle too as his chest shook a bit, warming your heart.

“I will never ask you to leave. I want you to stay, I need you to stay,” he admitted quietly. “Plus, I don’t know anyone else who would take care of Grogu so well.”

“Oh, Maker, Grogu!” you exclaimed, realizing Grogu had been closed in his pram in the corner throughout the entire… act.

“The device is soundproof, he didn’t hear a thing,” Mando explained. You let out a sigh of relief.

“I don’t know, with those ears?” you laughed, hearing Mando laugh with you.

“Maybe they’re more for balance rather than hearing,” Mando replied, causing you to let out a loud laugh, making joy flood Mando’s body.

“We can only hope…”

580 notes · View notes

stellocchia · 4 years ago

Text

I really liked Wilbur's lore stream from yesterday, so you guys are getting a short stream analysis from me

As always dialogue is color-coded: Wilbur, Tubbo, Ranboo

And since I'm the least concise person ever everything is under the cut

The stream is (DSMP LORE) A Year Later

The stream starts with Wilbur singing the L'Manburg anthem to Ranboo. It is interesting to notice that, just like all the streams since he's been back he doesn't start off the stream by addressing chat in any way but already taking with someone in-universe.

"I'm a big big fan of the song (...) (Wilbur notices that Ranboo was muted) so sorry, let's try again: have you heard that song before?" "Yeah I have, I have. I have- I've had a friend that sings it quite a lot" “Good, good, and I was gonna say, it’s obviously based on Hallelujah right? But the thing is, the thing is Ranboo, right? But the thing is- the thing is Ranboo, right? Is that the reason we did it is because Tommy used to sing Hallelujah to the plants" "Oh, to the plants?" "Yeah! In- in the- around the- around the uhm... around the thing! You know the- the caravan? (...) so, my man, Tommy used to sing to the plants to make them grow better and that was the song he used to sing and so I thought what a way to honour Tommy, you know, one of the most- one of the most loyal members or of our fair nation than by naming the song after him, you know? And singing it based on his little- his little Muse. Tommy is a- Tommy is all of our Muse really I'd say"

I cut as much of this quote as I could while still leaving it well understandable and leaving in everything I wanted to talk about, but man is it long... So let's break it down a bit at a time:

1) The friend that Ranboo referenced that sings the anthem a lot is most likely Tubbo considering that they met him later on in this stream while he was singing that very song

2) The memory of the song seems to still be a particularly pleasant one for Wilbur, which probably explains why Ghostbur as well was so fond of it. He speaks about it positively throughout and it generally seems like an overall positive moment of reminiscence, probably because it's a callback to a simpler time when Wilbur too was, you know, happier overall. It's a reminder of a time before the worsening of his spiral.

3) Also interesting that they kept it in canon that Tommy singing to the plants was what inspired the anthem. Especially because I'm not entirely sure if that's the case considering that the actual anthem wasn't written by cc!Wilbur but by a fan upon his request (obviously this is outside the story).

4) Last thing I wanted to mention was Wilbur describing Tommy as a Muse. Muses in mythology are the inspirational goddesses of the arts, music, and science, Tommy aside from the anthem obviously isn't that. But it is interesting that Tommy does take a central role when it comes to motivating people. We could say that Techno's speech on the 16th was inspired by him since it was directed at him. Similarly, Niki and Jack had their arcs revolving around him. Tommy was able to rally the troops with ease multiple times. And Dream's obsession with him itself is the main motivator for, like, 90% of his actions. So, while he may not cover the role of a muse literally it's not a comparison that is too far off...

They headed to the museum afterward and took notice of the Ranboo poster being missing. And then they headed off to L'Manburg (which, by the way, looks amazing, thank you cc!Phil for that one).

"It goes by L'Manhole now apparently" "I- yeah it's kinda- ugh- I'm not a fan. It's kinda rude to L'Manburg's history, you know? It- it's called L'Manburg. It's called L'Manburg. NOT Manberg, not L'Crater or whatever. L'Manhole, I don't care, it's now L'Manburg, it's always L'Manburg, okay?"

It's interesting that not too long ago he was saying that even L'Manburg itself (with an emphasis on the name) wasn't what was actually important, the purpose of it was. He admits later on that he lied in that conversation, but it's impressive how quickly he trusted Ranboo enough to let him see how much he still cared about L'Manburg when he was so intent on lying about it not too long ago.

Wilbur's enthusiasm about seeing the flag is another nice confirmation about him still caring deeply for his old nation.

"Damn, I really went down to bedrock, didn't I? Holy shit I did- I did a number on this place" (I wonder why Ranboo didn't correct him on this, because Ranboo knows that Techno, Phil, and Dream are the ones who actually exploded the country down to bedrock...)

They end up seeing Tubbo on the other side of the crater and head over to him. While they're heading there Tubbo is singing the anthem himself in a very mournful tone.

One interesting thing that I noticed it's that it's Wilbur that heads towards Tubbo's location instead of having Tubbo go to him like he mostly did with Tommy for example. I suppose it could be because Tubbo having been a president himself is in less of a subordinate position to Wilbur than Tommy who's always been a simple soldier.

"It's like looking in a little mirror, look you're wearing my suit still? How long have you been wearing that?" "Oh I just put it on, just for today" (in a similar fashion to Jack bringing out the L'Manburg uniform to reminisce, Tubbo also brought out clothes he strongly attaches the memory of L'Manburg to)

"Ranboo have you met Tubbo?" "Yeah, yeah. I've- I've met him, I mean we've, uhm... we've been around" (Ranboo still minimizing his relationship with Tubbo to Wilbur. Of course, this is because he doesn't trust him but it's interesting that he isn't even honest about that)

After a bit of back and forth, Wilbur starts apologizing to Tubbo. At first, like most other times he's having a serious discussion he puts himself in an elevated position to tower over Tubbo. It's a neat way to show how his own desire for control affects him, having Wilbur literally elevate himself over others when speaking to them. Literally putting Tubbo down in this situation. Which does make the beginning of his apology very obviously feel insincere.

"I'm sorry for making you president specifically before blowing it up and I'm sorry for when I did this *pointing at the crater* and blew all this up and making this whole. I'm sorry that I uh- that I said that you were the president of a crater"

This is that first part of the apology I mentioned. Just to clarify, I don't actually think that it was entirely insincere. It just feels less impactful due to Wilbur putting himself in a position of superiority over Tubbo, especially because it's something we've seen him do before. It's also to be noted that this time, like others before, he seems to be apologizing less out of actual guilt and more out of a desire to earn forgiveness. Which is not a critique by the way. I just feel like that's a misconception Wilbur has, that apologies serve the purpose of confirming to him that he's doing a good job at changing more than to actually make amends for what he's done. The reason why I think that's the case for the beginning part of this apology as well it's because of how fast he went to ask tubbo if he forgave him, which did put a certain level of pressure on Tubbo in this situation.

"I mean it wasn't- this wasn't all you Wilbur" (thank you tubbo for finally dispelling some of those misunderstandings)

"Yeah so me and mainly Ghostbur honestly, like-" "Ghostbur" (some more of Wilbur not being too fond of Ghostbur)

"Right is he [Ghostbur] this obsidian crap then I take it and these- these fucking dumb lanterns up here" (a bit more)

To correct Wilbur's misconceptions Tubbo starts off asking if the other knew Dream, to which Wilbur responds with how much he appreciates Dream and how he's his hero, which makes Tubbo backtrack and blames most of Doomsday on Techno and Phil. Which, as we know, isn't actually accurate and I have a feeling that this misinformation will be harmful later on once Dream is out of prison (though I don't blame Tubbo for backtracking with how enthusiastic Wilbur is, that was the basic conflict-avoidant approach that Tubbo seems to prefer).

"They rained tnt for days" (if this is actually canon then Doomsday was even more of a tragedy than we previously saw it as. It was days filled with fighting and destruction. Then again, Tubbo has misremembered traumatizing events before)

"Techno and Phil, they hated the government. I mean it was partially my fault as well" "But you didn't blow it up" "No I didn't. I would never have wished or anything like this to happen" "So it was just Techno and Phil?" *long pause* "Y-yeees"

Two things to say here:

1) I appreciate someone in canon recognizing that it's not Tubbo's fault for what happened to L'Manburg and blaming the people who actually blew it up, similarly to how I appreciate Wilbur bringing up with Tommy that it was clearly Dream pulling the strings with his exile with Tubbo. It's nice having it stated plainly for people to hear

2) This is the misconception I mentioned. This is most certainly gonna backfire at some point.

After that Wilbur commends Tubbo quite a lot for rebuilding New L'Manburg (once again being dismissive towards Ghostbur) and is clearly enthusiastic about it, even going as far as to say that that mattered more to him than them building him a grave.

"I just, I feel lost without L'Manburg. All my core beliefs, everything died with it" "You feel lost without a nation..." "I have no purpose anymore" "I guess that's where anarchy fails" (I think this may be the first time someone admits it to someone else, even though that lack of purpose and feeling disoriented is very obviously a shared sentiment amongst the ex-citizens)

After that, it's when Wilbur invites Tubbo to join Paradise, the, supposedly burger van with a small house attached to it that wasn't supposed to become a nation. I have a feeling that the proposition coming right after that exchange may imply that Wilbur changed his mind on it. He does purposefully put himself again in an elevated position when making the proposition.

"Would you like to come join me in Paradise? Literally" "Hmmm, I'm not sure Wilbur. I'm not sure I trust you man, I need to- in order to follow someone I need to trust them" "Wait, wait but you- I thought you forgave me! I thought it was, you know it-" "Wilbur I forgive you because I like to hang on to the hope that people can change, but-"

This is what I mean when I say that Wilbur's apologies come with expectations for the person he's apologizing to. By asking Tubbo first if he forgave him when he originally apologized, he already made it harder for Tubbo to refute that. And now we learn that he expected trust to come along with forgiveness. He's not doing this maliciously of course, but he does seem to have some misconceptions on this.

"I know you had that- that at the festival? With Technoblade? I never spoke to you properly about this. I- I could have saved you" "But you didn't" (other people brought this up, but this is a neat little parallel to the one scene in exile where Ranboo was lamenting about how he should have gone with Tommy and Tommy shut him down pointing out that anyone could have gone but no one actually did)

There is a second round of apologies and Wilbur is still standing higher than Tubbo, BUT he does put himself on his same level after he did a bit more pushing and found that Tubbo was standing his ground. He finally puts himself on the same level as Tubbo and openly acknowledges his boundaries which is the first actual real effort to change that we've seen from Wilbur. Which I'd say is a pretty important step for him.

"Wilbur in order for you to gain my trust back you have to prove it, I can't just give it out anymore. I used to be able to but I just- I just can't" (acknowledgement of how Tubbo's trauma also affected him deeply)

"You know I still have dreams, right? Of the explosion. And- and of the fireworks. And- and all of it. I- I still- I vividly see all of it. Every day. It hurts. It hurts a lot Wilbur"

I want to commend Tubbo here for being able to open up like this, especially considering how much he generally leans into denial and how much he usually suppress. And on top of that this is Tubbo acknowledging that both Wilbur's actions (the explosion) and Techno's actions (the fireworks) have hurt him and STILL hurt him and affect him deeply. It's quite a big admission especially for him.

"Sorry feels like such a weak word. I feel like there's nothing stronger that I can say" (first time that he's standing on the same level of Tubbo while apologizing)

"You're so strong man. Genuinely. You just- just the fact that you proved to me just there that you have this memories, that you have this nightmares and you still find it in your heart to forgive me. That's... you're a fucking champion man. You- you're a hero"

It's interesting that the reason why he claims Tubbo to be strong here is because he forgave him. It's not something that's inherently about Tubbo, like the fact that he still found the strength to go on and rebuild after the events he mentioned, for example, no. What Wilbur brought up is the one thing that Tubbo did for him. Which tells me that he still clearly has a bit of way to go to learn how to make amends and how redemption actually works, but, you know, that's to be expected honestly.

Wilbur moves on by inviting Tubbo to at least come and see Paradise, just to see what they'd made and Tubbo refuses because he wanted to spend more time reminiscing. Wilbur this time respect Tubbo's boundaries with no pushing which is yet another step forward for him honestly. Wilbur also gives Tubbo a "lucky rabbit's foot" that Tommy gave him to cheer him up and assure him that he had no problems with him not going.

With this their conversation comes to a close and Wilbur and Ranboo head over to Paradise (though not before Ranboo has confirmed with Tubbo that he actually does want to be left alone).

"You know I was gonna say 'this is hard' but obviously it's hard. I mean, you know, I've..." (a bit of reflection on his actions for Wilbur, you love to see it!)

"It's gonna get better! It's gonna get better! And it's gonna be worth it when I see them smiling. All of them. Tubbo, Jack, Niki, Tommy, anyone!" (I'm pretty sure that this is a genuine sentiment right here. It really does seem that wilbur's Big Plan right now is just to make amends and change)

"Do you know who the original L'Manburg group were? Do you know who we were?" "I- I think most of them yeah... I think it was like: you, Jack, Niki, Fundy I believe as well" "Fundy was a bit after. Fundy was after we'd gotten independence"

I wonder if that's an actual misrememberance on Wilbur's part (c!Wilbur, not cc!Wilbur, I'm sure cc!Wilbur remembers this) or just him wanting to put some distance between his good memories of L'Manburg and Fundy. Because Jack and Niki weren't there for the independence war either and yet he singled out Fundy who was. And I doubt that he'd forget about his son being one of the people who lost their first life in the final control room. In addition to that Wilbur didn't mention Fundy before among those he wanted to make smile.

I really think that this was intentional and that it was because, well, Wilbur felt deeply betrayed by Fundy. And we as the audience know that Fundy only ever publicly stopped acknowledging him as his father to be able to stay undercover as a spy, but he doesn't. It wouldn't be so weird that he wanted to erase Fundy from his memories of the time when he was supposed to be happy.

"I try and keep this on the low because I don't want uh- I don't want people to use it against me is the main problem. I do wa- I didn't even tell Tommy, I lied to Tommy" "Yeah?" "I'll be honest I'm gonna tell him soon that I lied to him because if it- it kinda eats away at me. But I told- I told tommy that I didn't actually care about L'Manburg and that it was just like a tool for me to use to gain, you know, power and stuff, but it's not- it's not true. L'Manburg is- was really important to me. And it is still to this day"

Once again I'm surprised how little it took Wilbur to trust Ranboo with stuff he hasn't really told anyone else. Makes you really understand how low of an opinion of himself he has that when the first person that calls him "alright" out loud just gets his undying trust. Especially considering that Ranboo doesn't trust him back and hasn't been the most honset with him so far. It's also a nice spelled out admission for anyone who didn't get how much Wilbur cares about L'Manburg from the longing look he gave to the camaravan's replica in the stream where he said he never cared.

"I wanted history to live on, not as a stain caused by me, you know. I basically took a big shit on the history books it feels like" (just another interesting little insight on Wilbur's view of the situation)

"I've heard about what's Tommy's, you know, moved on... and how jack's moved on, and how Niki's moved on and everyone's moved on from L'Manburg at least partially, but Tubbo man, he's still..." (he only thinks the rest of them moved on because he hasn't spoken almost at all with two of them and he never really listened to Tommy. Also, again, Fundy is not mentioned)

"I don't know where I'd be without you [Ranboo] here right now man, I mean T-Tommy's great and all and he's here but I- I feel like, you know, I don't wanna- I don't wanna string him along too much because he's- I- when I look at him. When I look at him when he's helping me out building things with me I see the same eyes that looked at me when... when... There were some- there weren't some fun times in the ravine of Pogtopia. I wasn't a very well man and I can just see Tommy from that day"

This one was one heck of a confession!

I don't know if this is me misremembering, but I'm fairly sure that this is the first time he's admitted to not being great to Tommy specifically. Again, Tommy is the one person he met with so far that he hasn't apologized to. Heck! He told Tommy to his face that him being sorry for his actions didn't mean he wouldn't do them again. It's a pretty damn big admission to acknowledge that that behaviour (which is the same now, if not worse when only related to Tommy) wasn't good. It also shows that he's at least a bit aware of Tommy's emotions which is rarely shown honestly. Though whether he cares because of Tommy or because being around Tommy makes him feel guilty (which is what you'd expect him to feel) and he doesn't like that is to be determined still, mostly just because the phrasing was a bit uncertain at the moment.

"I know what it's like to have no one- or at least feel like no one trusts you. Uhm, and I- I've realized that if- if no one's with you then how can anyone really know when you've redeemed yourself? So that's why I'm here I guess" (Ranboo's answer to why he trusts Wilbur. Which he doesn't, but still)

And the stream ends with Wilbur saying he hopes Tubbo comes around to try out one of the burgers (though he does repeat that he doesn't want Ranboo to pressure him to join) and complimenting Ranboo a bit more.

#dream smp #wilbur soot #ranboo #tubbo #c!wilbur #c!ranboo #c!tubbo #character analysis #dream smp analysis #long post #I said it would be short and I most definitely lied #but you guys should know that I'm not capable of brevity by now #so honestly it's on you if you believed the title

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mischiefmanaged71 · 4 years ago

Text

Turning Tables (5/8) - Joaquin Torres x Reader

Summary: After Y/N is injured on a mission, Joaquin is called over and she’s got a confession to make. Surprisingly, so does he.

Author’s Note: This series will continue based on how the last episode goes :)

Warnings: fluff, slowburn!, action & canon-level violence!

Pairing: Joaquin Torres x fem! reader

Word Count: 2.5K

You groaned in discomfort as you adjusted yourself on the bed. With your left leg resting upon a pillow, you reclined and stared up at the ceiling anxiously. The smell of antiseptic and rubbing alcohol fills your nose, surrounding you. Chills run along your arms as you feel the cold seep through the impossibly thin hospital gown.

After the whole fiasco in Munich, Sam called you to meet him and Bucky in Riga. To say you were surprised to see Zemo with them was an understatement. You were initially hesitant to work with him but later he proved useful with getting information. It was Walker who really irked you. He kept getting in the way and each time you could slowly see his mind grow worse.

It was on that last day that he’d finally gone off the deep end. Zemo had destroyed all of the vials of Negel’s super serum that Karli had. At least you all thought he had, not before a collision between the Dora Milaje and Walker allowed Zemo to escape unnoticed.

You’d never seen such pure rage and intensity in a person before. None of you had realised John took the serum until it was too late.

He went on a rampage after Karli killed Lemar, using the shield to quite literally decapitate a man in the Town Square in front of an entire crowd and their phones.

It was in the aftermath that led you, Bucky and Sam to the warehouse where Walker retreated to in his dazed state.

Your eyes close and suddenly your back in the warehouse, re-living the previous day.

***

“Walker…”

“You guys should see a medic, you don’t look so good.”, John noted, striding past to leave the building.

Sam confronts him, “Stop, Walker.”

John backtracks, “What? You saw what happened. You know what I had to do. I killed him because I had to! He killed Lemar!”

You all watched John wearily as he continued to shout.

“He didn’t kill Lemar, John.”, you exclaimed.

John scoffs, shaking his head as he paced.

“Don’t go down that road. Believe me, it doesn't end well.”

“I’m not like you.”, John spits out with gritted teeth to Bucky.

Sam tried to talk him down,

“Listen, it was the heat of the battle. Okay? If you explain what happened, they may consider your record. We don’t want anyone else to get hurt.”

You glimpse at the blood coating the paint of the shield, a scarlet red splattered across the side as it dripped down. He used Steve’s shield to murder someone. A shield that Steve used to defend and protect, drenched with the blood of an innocent.

“John…you gotta give me the shield, man”, Sam paused wearily, unsure of John’s next move.

Suddenly, John looked up at Sam, an epiphany clear in his eyes,

“Oh, so that's what this is. You almost got me.”

Sam shook his head in denial, “You made a mistake.”

John looked between your trio, “You don’t want to do this.”

“Yeah, we do.”, Bucky answered with conviction.

It all began when Bucky lunged for John and you jumped for the shield to wrench it out of his grasp. Each of you attacked from a different side. You remember ducking to avoid his swipe for your neck, aiming a fist at his side and sending him sprawling. All of you were drained after the repeat conflicts with super soldiers.

You remember when Bucky ended up a far distance away, incapacitated due to his arm and an electrical surge. Sam’s wings were ripped from the sockets, leaving his flight out of the equation.

You had jumped on Walker’s back, securing your arms around his neck to get him off of Sam. Wrenching his body to the right, you were sent sprawling and rolled forwards to stand over John and grab for the shield. He jabbed it upwards to smack your head but you released, dropping on your back to somersault a few feet away.

“Just give me the shield, Walker and we can all walk away.”

He grunted angrily and striked the shield on the ground to help him stand up as he marched toward you. You tilted your head and smacked your fist against your palm, igniting flames in your hand. Flames collide with vibranium and from there, it was a tussle of fire, punches and the occasional spray of blood.

A stabbing pain in your side flared as you threw another punch. Even the burning fire in your eyes began to fade as your energy depleted. Walker used that to his advantage as he swung the shield into your head which knocked you a couple feet back. Disoriented but determined, you widen your stance and launch a stream of fire at the shield. Fire bellows around the shield you once fought alongside, moulding against the shape.

He crept closer and closer until he swiped around and rammed into you, slamming you to the floor. His fists collided with your face repeatedly as beads of blood burst from the open wounds. After your lack of movement, he rises from his crouch and walks away to deal with Sam, finally. Your hands shake at your sides, your face numb, head spinning. With the last breath of consciousness you have, you form a lasso, gripping his arm. The shield-bearing arm is wrenched backwards, gaining his attention. Pushing yourself up, you kneel and lean against a crate to stand.

Anger and spite pierced his sight as he stalked over and wrenched you back by your hair to knock you to the ground. This time however, he doesn’t aim for your face. You hear the crack before you feel it in your leg. His boot collides with your leg, a piercing scream wrenched from your throat as he shattered the bones in your lower leg. You arched your back in agony as he removed his boot and the pressure was released.

Bucky and Sam are startled by an ear-piercing scream from the opposite side of the warehouse. They’re both up and back into the rush, not without struggle, to aid you.

Blood rushes from the rest of your body to your injury, working to heal the wound. Pain pulsed through your entire body, throttling your brain as you tried to grasp for oxygen. You gasp for breath through the incredulous pain but black dots spot your vision, encasing you in darkness.

***

Your return to reality is brought upon by the knock at the door. You hum and tilt your head as you can’t see through the blinds covering the windows. Sam enters through the door dressed in his civilian clothes. He sports a couple scratches on his face and some bruising, but nonetheless, looks unharmed for the most part.

“Hey, how you feelin’, Y/N/N? You took a hard hit yesterday.”

You let out a deep exhale as you stare at the cast covering your leg, the IV tubing dragging along as you straightened out your blanket. Your mind was a bit hazy given the amount of pain relief you were on.

“It's rough, I’m not gonna lie.”, you chuckled.

Sam grinned knowingly,

“If I know you, that cast isn’t gonna stop you from doing anything. Please be careful though, I need you in one piece.”

You shake your head,

“Sam, you don’t need me.”

“Nah, why are you suddenly so humble?”

A sliver of shame seeps into those wounds carved from previous years. Tears prick your eyes, causing you to shut them tightly and lean back on your pillow.

“I don’t know what happened out there.”

“Y/N/N, don’t beat yourself up. You held your own and I couldn’t have done this without you.”.

Your eyes creep open slowly and you’re finally able to see the big picture. You’ve always trusted Sam and his judgement. Whenever in doubt, you went to him for advice and he always seemed to have the answers. If the big circular bag leaning against the wall had to say anything, it was certainly a good omen of your efforts together.

“It's that big heart of yours, Y/N/N. You always pull through for everyone.”

A smile creeps on your face and you finally feel yourself relax into the soft mattress of the bed.

“Thanks, Sam.”

Sam’s phone beeps and he pulls it from his pocket, checking the message. A smirk threatens to creep on his face but he suppresses it,

“There’s something I also need to tell you.”

You nod and urge him to continue.

He walks to the door and pulls it open,

“I’ve got a present for you.”

You look into the doorway and an eye-crinkly grin splays on your features. Joaquin Torres himself walks through the doorway, clad in his Lieutenant’s air force uniform.

“You’re here!”, you exclaim excitedly.

He’s here.

“Y/N/N, how are you? Are you feeling okay? I rushed straight over as soon as I could.”, Joaquin rambles, scanning over you in concern. Cuts scatter across your face and jaw along with a black-eye under your right eye.

“I’m okay aside from the obvious broken limb. Don’t think I’ll be walking any time soon, that’s for sure.”, you both chuckled.

He nods thanks at Sam and skirts around the bed to take his seat beside your bed.

“I’ll let you kids chat, but I’ll be back later.”

You mouth a thank you to Sam as he smiles and nods to you before shutting the door behind him.

Your attention is brought back to Joaquin as he sits forward in the chair, anxiously fiddling with his fingers. You stop him, grabbing for his left hand and squeezing it.

“Hey, what’s up? You seem more anxious than I’m feeling.”

Joaquin’s throat tightens and he strains to get out a sentence.

“I didn’t know how bad it was gonna be when I got here. Sam just told me you were in the hospital after the fight with Walker and-and I was really scared.”, he admits, tears glistening his sight.

You remain silent, gripping his hand to acknowledge you are still listening.

“I know you’ve been on more missions than you can count. Maybe I shouldn’t be this worried but...what happens when I walk through that door and you’re not okay?”

He shakes his head, clenching his jaw tightly,

“I-I don’t know what…what I’d do.”

“Don’t worry about what if’s...”, you tilt his chin up to look at you.

“I’m here. I’m a little banged up, yeah, but it’s been worse.”, you embarrassingly admit with a soft smile.

“I don’t think I could handle worse.”, he lets out a breathy laugh.

“Then you, Lieutenant, would not have liked me a couple years back.”, you teased.

Joaquin’s eyebrows perked up,

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah, I was always getting into trouble on missions. I remember this one time, I dived in front of a knife for Steve and got stabbed.”

His face returned to a blank expression as he pursed his lips.

“Yeah it hurt a lot, but you know what, it’s those missions that made me stronger. My final flaw will probably be stepping in even when people don’t want me to.”, you shake his hand again to greet his eyes.

“But I’ll always be there, Joaquin when you need me. Even when I’m not physically there, I’m with you. Every step of the way.”

“Then I guess I’ll have to be there to jump in front of you.”

Your eyes shoot up in confusion.

“If you’re going to be throwing yourself in the line of danger, you bet I’m gonna be there. Every. Single. Time.”

“Well, I guess I’ve already welcomed you to my world.”, you smirked, pushing yourself up to lean on your hands.

You lean closer to Joaquin as he sits on the edge of the bed, meeting you so you’re both at eye level.

“I-”

“Can-”

You both let out breathy laughs, lowering your gaze before glancing back up.

“You go first.”, you nod in encouragement.

“No, no, it’s fine.”, he shakes his head.

You perk your eyebrows teasingly and urge him to continue with a smack on his arm.

“Y/N...I, Uh, care about you. A lot, actually. And I, uh, wanted to tell you before but things got in the way and-”, he pauses as he gazes softly at your endearing gaze. You listened to him with intrigue and interest, sending a warm feeling into his chest.

“I love you.”, he’s flickering across your features and body language to gauge your reaction, shock filling him the moment the words leave his lips.

You’re suddenly tugging him forward by the waist and resting your head on his chest. His arms remain still in shock but encircle you as soon as he relaxes. You sigh and melt into his embrace, allowing him to just hold you. It’s been a long, long time since someone held you like this.

Gazing upward at him, you encircle your arms around his neck,

“I love you, Joaquin.”

“Pinch me so I know this is real.”, he whispered, his face hovering close to yours.

“How about I do something better?”

You hovering lips meet Joaquin’s and meld together in a passionate moment. His hands grip your waist gently as you tug him closer to deepen the kiss. It's a sweet, sweet moment that you’ve both been waiting for. You don’t believe in soulmates but with Joaquin, you certainly had something akin to that feeling since you first met. You pull away, gasping for breath as Joaquin hovers closely to your face, also breathing deeply. You grin and peck his lips once, twice before he’s capturing your lips once more passionately.

“For the record, I’ve been waiting for you to do that for a long time, Flyboy.”

Joaquin laughs, shaking his head, “I’ve been wanting to do it for just as long,”

You can’t suppress the grin that splays across your face as you intertwine your hands and pull him to lay next to you in the bed. You dismiss his protests that he might hurt you, laying your head on his chest. Joaquin slides one arm around your waist and the other to grip your hand in his. You listen to the steady thrum of his heartbeat and count them.

“Stay with me?”

You feel the rumbles of his voice as he replies,

“Of course, mi amor.”

***

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#Joaquin Torres X reader #Joaquin Torres #Joaquin Torres imagine #Marvel x reader #MCU x reader #mcu x y/n #TFATWS #TFATWS x reader #TFATWS imagine #Winter soldier #bucky barnes #sam wilson #joaquin torres x femreader #the falcon and the winter solider spoilers

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bonesandthebees · 2 years ago

Note

Fuck it, I’m going back to front because I cannot figure out how to separate analysing everything and how it comes across in the moment, from analysing everything in light of the Ranboo reveal, how this shifts perspective (both for us and for Wilbur) and how different relationships might be affected in the future. So I have to start with the reveal and then work my way back. I would apologise for the half incomprehensible ask spam I’m about to send you, but you brought this upon yourself by putting so much worth analysing in one chapter.

Anyway, Ranboo. Oh boy, Ranboo. I want to get out of the way that he deserves every single bruise Tommy gave him and to get cussed out so hard for the number of times Tommy has defended him to Wilbur. Like half of their conflict stems from disagreeing over whether or not Ranboo is a spy (that’s probably an exaggeration, but shhh, I’ll get to that). And he’s pushing the I’m noisy agenda the entire time.

And it’s so interesting to hear him explain how he tries to do it. He has learned not to push Wilbur like everyone else has because it risks losing what little progress he has. But he still prods every chance he gets because Techno asked him to befriend Tommy and Wilbur so he could get more information and Ranboo desperately wants to prove himself.

We don’t know how he got into his position, but I imagine there’s a lot of pressure to do well even if he isn’t at risk of losing it. Which doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel guilty or doesn’t genuinely like hanging out with Tommy. He does. He feels bad that Tommy’s hurting and wants to help. Maybe he even thinks that he is helping. Because right now his task is: figure out what happened in the fight with the intent of being able to solve it or helping/pushing/manipulating them into making up.

I feel like he was having less and less luck with Tommy and getting cussed out for being nosy. And then he sees Wilbur and manages to have a conversation for once. So he thinks he’s making progress there. And he wants to make progress so bad that he basically begs Techno to be allowed to keep trying. Because he’s learned that playing into being nosy and backtracking and apologising seems to work with Wilbur.

Then there’s the guilt. Because he has to feel guilty. Like Wilbur literally told him to his face that he doesn’t want to get betrayed again and guess what Ranboo’s doing? And he does genuinely want to figure Wilbur out because it’s hurting Tommy and Tommy is his friend.

He can have both motives. He can tell himself it’s for the greater good, but he’s definitely trying to prove something even when he’s no longer being asked to as we can see in these lines [“No!” Ranboo cut in. “I can do it! I promise!” “I’m not sayin’ you can’t. You obviously already did.] He has no reason to keep trying, and I’m hoping it will bite him sooner or later.

(1/2)

-🌲

LMAO that is perfectly understandable spruce I threw a ton at you this chapter

Oh yeah Ranboo’s a little bitch lmao. In case you can’t tell, I don’t have a super positive opinion of c!Ranboo in the dsmp. I think he’s hypocritical and spineless so I love including that version of him in my fics. So much of crimeboys conflict in stars was because of Ranboo, and in the end, Wilbur was right! It was so fun writing all those arguments knowing the entire time that Wilbur’s paranoia was correct. Tricking your readers is very fun highly recommend lmao

Yeah that’s the thing, Ranboo doesn’t view what he’s doing necessarily as ‘bad’. He knows it’s a betrayal of trust for Tommy, but he also thinks it’ll help in the end. So he pushes to keep going with it. He wants to prove himself to Techno so he can keep his apprentice role (is that role under threat of being taken away from him? Not really lmao but he’s worried anyway). And yeah, he basically thinks he’s figured out how to talk to Wilbur finally! So he pushes to keep going! Even though he doesn’t have to!

It’s exactly like you said. Two motives. Neither one is actually acceptable, but he can excuse it to himself.

#ask #the stars and their children #spruce anon

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honestlyandrogynousnightmare · 4 years ago

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Arthur in Sins of the father...

Fyi, prepare for grammatical errors because beta reading just isnt my thing..by that i mean im lazy but yknow

I have to say, this is probably one of my favourite episodes ever. Not only is it actually well written, its focused on Arthur and how much he misses his mother and Bradley did an incredible job in this episode.

I like how Arthur centric it is. Most episodes do end up revolving around Merlin (well no shit sherlock the show is called merlin) but having this episode focus on Arthurs struggles is a nice change and gives us a better view into his character as well as gives us a glimpse of what Arthur would be like without his fathers brainwashing.

What this episode highlights more than anything is how much Arthur wants to meet his mother. All his life he has been told to obey his father and not trust sorcerers and then the moment a sorceress mentions that she knew his mother Arthur goes against both of those things just to meet her. It doesnt matter what lengths he has to go to, he still does everything he can for that one conversation and i think that shows just how much he wants that maternal figure in his life, even if its for a few seconds. In all honesty, i would say he’s pretty desperate by this point. His father never mentions his mother or anything about her so so he cant even paint a picture of her in his brain which just makes him want to meet her more. In those moments when hes going after Morgause, we kind of see a different side of him, because for once in his life he has a chance to learn something about his mother. And you just cant blame him for being so desperate at this point. We dont see much of this, but Arthur grew up without that love every other child experiences, not even from his own father. Someone in his position cant spare time for feelings, and that key ideology that his father drilled into his head remained there from childhood onwards. Having this one chance to know something about the person his mother was, isnt something he could let himself miss.

Another thing he is bound to be feeling is guilt. The first instance is being the cause of his mothers death. Before he found out about the magic thing, it wouldve been so easy to jump to the conclusion that his birth caused is mothers death as she died in childbirth (or as he was told). But after he was told that he was born of magic, i think that while part of him blamed his father for not reading the fine print on the contract (i dont know who came up with that joke, it for sure wasnt me), he still blamed himself because the creation of his life is what took his mothers life away. Not only that, but at the end of the episode when Merlin told him that the illusion was fake, its clear enough that he feels guilty for almost killing his damn father, trusting a sorceress in the first place and also disobeying his father.

And back onto the whole thing about Arthur being desperate, he trusted a random woman (and i repeat, a sorceress) about knowing his mother. Not only that but he fully believed the illusion. Idk this just makes me so sad because he had that little spark of hope, not only about meeting his mother but also believing that not all sorcerers are evil. He didnt question these things, he went straight into them, which to me just again shows how desperate and hopeful he was at that point.

Obviously all of that was completely crushed when he attempted to murder his father and then merlin told him that it was all a lie butttt lets backtrack a little.

What i love about this episode more than anything is that is shows us that Arthur isnt completely brainwashed (using that word again because synonyms requre effort) by his father, he doesnt hang on every word that is told to him by Uther and all it takes to convince him that his father is wrong is one illusion.Him fighting with Uther and, even for that short period of time, believing that magic isnt evil, gives us an insight into the person he is. Hes not a bad person. He may be naive and ignorant because of the way he was brought up but if he was educated properly as a child then he wouldnt agree with his father so much. The question everyone always asks is what would happen if merlin hadnt stepped in? i think its fair to say that Arthur wouldnt hate magic so much and maybe the whole golden age of albion would actually happen, but arthur would be miserable. i think thats the main thing that pushed merlin to lie again, because by that point in the series its obvious that he doesnt fight for magic, he fights for arthur. Like yeah arthur saying that magic is evil at the end of the episode does clerly crush merlin but i dont think he would be able to live with Arthur being so miserable and guilt ridden over killing his father. Either way, this is about arthur and not merlin (though ill probably write a paragraph on that sooner or later) so let me pose you the final question (that i will also answer because im here to spread my unwanted opinions).

Is this entire episode pointless for arthurs character development or not.

when i first asked myself this question, the obvious answer was yes, because arthur went full circle. from hating sorcery to still hating it in the end. But what i later considered is that even if he went full circle, there was a journey he had to endure. If anything, he hates sorcery even more now simply because he first hand witnessed a sorceress “lie” to him for her own gain and to try to destroy the kingdom. All those things his father taught him about sorcery are essentially happening, and the fact that he was lied to about a sensitive subject like his mother, would just make the situation worse for him.

The thing about arthur and sorcery, is that he is never actually able to find his own stance on it. People manipulate him back and forth, whether thats Uther, agravane, morgana, morgause, random magical enemies of camelot who think starting war and conflict will make arthur hate sorcery less, everyone manipulates him and drags him into different directions. He never makes that opinion himself. Idrk, this isnt even relevant but im on a roll of pointing out sad things so whoohooo

So what is my point? If this hadn't happened, maybe Arthur would have an easier time making his own judgement and stance on magic, but of course its bbc merlin and we cant have happy endings.

Welp hope you enjoyed this rollercoaster of emotions, have a lovely evening ..or day?

Either way. As always. I blame uther

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hamliet · 4 years ago

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Any predictions for My Hero Academia. Somehow I don't see it as heroes beat the bad guys and lock them up yes Tartarus is gone but surely there are other places. Afo will be destroyed hopefully, he deserves to pay for what he's done and being killed by the little child he mainupilted would be poetic justice. I'd like for Shoto and Dabi to accept each other cause they are 2 of my favorites along with Miruko, Deku and Shigaraki who better live.

My overall predictions for the ending haven't changed! I don't make specific plot predictions, but overall: Dabi, Toga, and Shigaraki will be saved and help defeat AFO in the final battle; hence, they will be forgiven by society and welcomed back. Realistic or not (as in our world standards), I don't really see any other ending for them.

Specifically:

Shigaraki will probably destroy AFO in the end. The central question of his arc is what he stated in the most recent chapter: "Who am I?" Unfortunately the answer is probably going to be "a hero" instead of "Shimura Tenko" (with imo the latter being more thematically powerful but less likely as the story seems to be backtracking on its criticisms of heroes).

I also do think Touya will reconcile with his family and sit around a table with the Todorokis.... including Endeavor. As much as I don’t like it, the narrative caters to Endeavor. The idea that Endeavor won’t have that complete family around a table in the end, as much as I wouldn’t mind it or would be happy with a more tenuous "we'll work on things" openish ending, just doesn’t seem to jive with how the story is framing the Todofam. Plus at this point Horikoshi seems to be focusing Dabi's internal conflict on the Todorokis.

Toga... well she's a great character but much like Ochaco her endgame is probably helping a male character and ending up with Shigaraki and with friends. (Ending up with Shigaraki does not mean romantically--just that they'll be together and close some way in the end).

#ask hamliet #bnha #bnha theory #lov #shigaraki tomuar #shimura tenko #todoroki touya #dabi #toga himiko

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sarahjtv · 4 years ago

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BNHA Chapter 322 Spoiler Analysis: Bakugo’s Growth

Oh my god is this real life? Am I reading Horikoshi’s AO3 fics? I don’t drink or do drugs, so yesterday felt like a goddamn fever dream. An incredible one at that. Seriously, this might be one of my favorite chapters in the series for Bakugo’s moment alone. I’m probably going to backtrack that later on if Horikoshi keeps this high quality up, but I’m cool with that. This series has just been so damn good and it keeps getting better. So, let’s go:

I’m going to get the smaller stuff out of the way first because I really want to focus on Bakugo’s apology this time because that’s the main course:

I love that Kirishima got something to do and say this chapter. He was right there on the ground ready to catch Iida and Deku when they fell. And he’s probably one of the more physically stronger kids in the class + his Hardening so Kirishima was a good choice to have on standby. Also, him realizing that Deku was the kid who tried to save Bakugo from the sludge villain at the beginning of the series was a good callback because Deku inadvertently inspired Kirishima to become the hero he is now.

Thirteen actually shows her face since her helmet was damaged in the war and WOW SHE’S PRETTY 😳 That was not on my bingo card, but I will take it happily!

Then there’s Ochako who grabs Deku’s hand to tell him it’s ok and that he doesn’t have to leave again after he, well, tries to leave again. It’s really cute and feels like a resolution of some sorts of their feelings for each other. Not a conclusion, but it feels like Horikoshi is wrapping things up. I don’t know how deep Horikoshi’s going to go into Ochako and Deku romantically, but I like that it’s told subtlety. And it looks like the next chapter will have Ochako do something cool, so I’m excited to see that.

THAT UA BARRIER IS MASSIVE DEAR LORD! And apparently it can do even more than that. LIKE DOES IT HAVE GUNS TOO? Hakgakure says it connects to Shiketsu too, so maybe we might see Inasa, Shishikura (Meatball boy), and Camie again.

Also, Hagakure and Aoyama didn’t do anything though during the VS. Deku fight, so take that as you will.

Also Bakugo’s suddenly not featured at the end of the chapter, which is weird.

NOW BAKUGO OH MY GOD:

I really thought that we would have a Deku Vs. Kacchan Part 3 to be honest. I really thought we would. But no. We got an honest-to-god heart-to-heart between these two boys. And really, this is probably the best way to go about it. Maybe we’ll get some D VS. K Prt. 3 one day because there might be more to be said, but if this is how their friendship is truly mended, I’m cool with a 2-parter.

So, Bakugo basically lays EVERYTHING out on the table. How he’s felt like Deku’s always ahead of him, how frustrated he was, how scared he was, how insecure he was, and more beyond the surface. Ultimately, he apologizes for everything. He apologizes for over A DECADE of bullying. He even bows to Deku. He can barley look at Deku in the eye for the most part. This is not the same Bakugo from the beginning of the series. This is Katsuki Bakugo: a young man who took a long, harsh look in the mirror, learned from his flaws, decided to save the kid he bullied, and became a better person all because of it.

Bakugo also tells Deku that even though Deku did nothing wrong in going down this path, Deku needs him and his friends now. Deku can’t do this on his own anymore. Bakugo says him and the other will carry the burden with Deku. Save to Win and Win to Save 😭.

What I find interesting here is that in this part of his speech, Bakugo says that he and everyone else will carry Deku’s burden with him “In order to surpass All Might”. Bakugo’s ultimate goal has always been to surpass All Might and become the No. 1 Hero. That’s been established from the very beginning. And now, Bakugo will surpass All Might with his friends by his side. That’s growth, my dudes 🧡

Visually, this whole thing is done so beautifully! Just the way everyone is drawn and the expressions on the other student’s faces are really well done. Everyone’s either in shock or in awe of what they’re hearing coming out of Bakugo’s mouth. This is a side Bakugo hasn’t really shown anyone before (besides Deku, of course). The reaction that spoke most to me is actually Shoto’s 💙. He gets like 1 panel this chapter, but his face isn’t really in either shock or awe. It’s kinda unreadable, but I think ultimately it’s like an “I get it” sort of expression. Because Bakugo and Endeavor are so much alike. Shoto knows what it’s like to have someone in their life trying to atone for their actions. He gets it. Maybe, one day, Endeavor and Shoto can get there too.

This might be my favorite part of the chapter: During Bakugo’s apology, Horikoshi draws Deku and Bakugo as heroes, then kids, then as middle schoolers, then in their UA uniforms, and finally back in their hero costumes. Each time, Bakugo and Deku are framed face-to-face with Bakugo talking and Deku just staring in disbelief and awe like he’s trying to process what Bakugo’s saying. It isn’t until the final one when Bakugo and Deku finally meet eye-to-eye and you can see some light come back to Deku’s eyes. And finally Bakugo bows and apologize, even calling Izuku by name 😭💚🧡 It’s just so beautifully paneled and drawn. In the span of a few pages, Horikoshi manages to take us through Bakugo and Deku’s childhoods of conflict and insecurity to their heroic selves in present day. It’s like a quick recap of everything Bakugo and Deku have been through over the course of the series. Because even though My Hero Academia is ultimately Deku’s story, it’s Bakugo’s story too (which a little Shoto on the side). This feels like the culmination of their entire relationship and it’ll only get stronger from here too.

Lastly, as Deku is about to apologize for saying “You can’t keep up” because he realized his friends are actually ahead of him, he starts to pass out and BAKUGO RUNS UP TO CATCH HIM AS DEKU FALLS 🧡💚😭 WE DON’T EVEN SEE BAKUGO’S EYES HE JUST SAYS “WE KNOW” LIKE IS BAKUGO CRYING HORIKOSHI PLEASE!!!!! BAKUDEKU’S HOW WE FEELING??? 💥🥦

But for real, this is as close to a hug between these two as we’re probably going to get. There’s something so profound about this. Bakugo has been trying to push Deku away since the beginning. He even wanted to keep Deku at arm’s length so he can be protected even from Bakugo himself. And how these two are together again. No more pushing away.

Honestly, I loved this chapter 10/10! Peak character development, peak storytelling, peak fucking fiction! It does feel like we’re coming to a conclusion soon with the series. Ochako is accepting her feeling towards Deku more, Deku’s coming back to UA where the final battle will most likely take place, and Bakugo and Deku have mended their relationship as far as we know. Again, I would like to see a Part 3 to their ongoing fights, but I’m cool if this is where their conflict ends. It was really, really beautiful. Horikoshi’s writing has been top-notch with Bakugo and Deku. God, I’m truly going to miss this series when it’s done.

Me thoughtout the entiretly of Bakugo’s Apology:

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adorehs · 5 years ago

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12/12/12

Here’s my spooky-ish Harryween fic (a day late, which I apologize for!) This is one million percent not proofread and definitely very rushed and for that I am sorry.

Summary: Detective!Y/N has trouble cracking Suspect!Harry. But he seemed to have cracked her. (4k words)

Warnings: violence at the end (this includes blood), mentions of death and murder, angst if you could call it that. I am probably missing some but PLEASE do not read this if you are not comfortable with the themes that are portrayed above.

They tried to pin a murder on him, little old Harry who couldn’t swat a fly. Not in his right mind, anyway.

He was quite confused when they called him in with the intent of asking him questions regarding the night of December 12th. He doesn’t remember anything about that night at all, in fact. He was seemingly blackout drunk in the corner of his best friend’s apartment with a bottle of vodka in his hand and a hat fell on his face as his mouth fell open and soft snores fell out as everyone around him danced into the early morning.

December twelfth.

The day his mom died, the day he tries to forget every year, the day he takes off from work, the day he does everything but think.

He sat silently in the room- the walls a bleak grey and the lights dim. There were no windows except the small piece of glass that sat at the top of the textured door and in each corner of the room there sat a small security camera that followed Harry intently.

His fingers tapped in a calming rhythm of threes and his leg bounced lightly in anticipation for his interrogation. His eyes darted from his hands that were splayed out in front of him to the camera directly across from him as he leaned father back into his chair and stretched his legs out fully.

He let out a sigh as he sat in silence- he was bored and ready to go home. It was an utter waste of time in his mind- there was nothing he could give away. He wasn’t there, as much as he could match the description of a white male with brown hair with a few extra inches off the top of his head.

The door squealed as it opened, a woman scurrying in with a folder of files in her arms and a navy pantsuit hugging her figure as she sits down at the table across from him, “Hi, Harry, I’m Detective Y/N Y/L/N,” her hand reached out calmly to meet Harrys.

He watched her as they shook hands and he pulled his hand back and folded it into his harm, “Uh, just to be clear, there’s a microphone right there,” she gestured across from her where his hands once rested, “It’s quite small and you should refrain from putting your hands over it, unless you want to come back for a day of interrogation,” she chuckled softly.

Harry nodded silently as she continued to stumble through her opening lines, “There are cameras in each corner so this is being recorded. Do with that as you will,” she sighs before opening her file and sitting up straighter than before.

“Well, uh, Harry, I appreciate you coming in today. I know it’s a bit harder with cases like this… we try to refrain from declaring someone as, uh,” she paused to find her words.

“Mhm,” Harry hummed in understanding.

“As not being alive until we have evidence that they’re not, so we uh, we’re treating this case as an emergence.”

“Absolutely, yeah,” Harry commented with a small frown falling onto his face.

“Okay so, uh, we’ll be fast forwarding through some details that we would finalize later and we will have this be a bit more thorough of an interview so we don’t have to keep calling you back again,” she trailed off into silence. “Theresa read you your rights earlier and I just want to reiterate that you can walk to the lobby if you ever feel uncomfortable and I will treat you with respect and have the same expectation for you.”

“‘Course,” he nods in understanding.

“So uh, would you agree that there is a, a connection, uh geographically, with you and your mother Anne’s death and her, uh, supposed murderer Russell Williams?”

Harry’s face fell slightly, “Uh, sure, yeah, geographically,” he was in a state of shock. He didn’t expect his mother to be brought up.

“Alright so to be quite frank, uh, that’s a bit of why you were more of a suspect- matched the description from Miss Canaue, uh, Mr. Williams’s neighbor, and uh, your obvious connection with the man,” Y/N informed the man before him. Her eyes met his for the first time since she walked in and he appreciated the contact. He nodded as a response, urging Y/N to continue.

“So, uh, let’s backtrack. Why did you miss work on the tenth? Your log reported you called in as sick, is this true?”

“Yes, that is true. I had been getting over a stomach bug that weekend. Called in sick to finish my recovery,” Harry confirmed.

Y/N nodded in confirmation, “And had you contacted your doctor because you had felt, uh, sick that weekend?”

“Not necessarily,” Harry trailed off, “I called so I could have him prescribe me more promethazine… but besides that, I did not speak to him about my symptoms.”

“Alright,” Y/N glanced at the file that was open before her, “Were you bedridden for the majority of that day?”

“No, I went to the grocery store that night and I picked up my prescription from the pharmacy round the corner from my apartment,” Harry explained. He stretched his legs out further, a nervous tick he had developed when in school. Y/N’s demeanor intimidated him- he felt his body trying to move at every opportunity to create distance between himself and the woman before him.

“And do you remember the route you took to the grocery store?” Y/N asked with a slight quirk in her eyebrow.

Harry’s brows furrowed at the odd question, “Probably went down Main Street and went to the Publix off 86th.

“And you’re aware that Mr. Williams lives off of 86th?”

“Sure,” Harry nods.

“Alright, and I’m assuming you’re unaware that Miss Canaue saw a man with a similar appearance the night of the tenth?” Y/N’s eyes watched Harry’s carefully as he decided his next words carefully.

“No, I did not know that, but I go down that route every day. Don’t see how that makes me a suspect.”

“Yes, but you were sick,” Y/N pressed.

“Yeah, had a bug,” he repeated.

“Right, so you were sick and left your apartment once- possibly twice- that day and still managed to be around his home?”

Harry let out an obnoxious groan and ran a hand over his face, “It’s the fuckin grocery store off the largest street here. If that makes me a suspect better get everyone who has brunette curls,” he argued.

“Harry you’re not the only suspect. And you’re not on trial.”

He let out a scoff at Y/N’s ironic comment, “Yeah but if you don’t believe me, I will be,” he said, “Falsely,” he muttered.

It was a wonder that he hadn’t taken up the offer to leave whenever he felt uncomfortable considering Harry was repeating a string of curses towards the poor girl in his mind like a mantra.

He had been sitting in the uncomfortable fold out chair for two hours and Y/N’s posture has deteriorated significantly in their time- though she was just as scary as the first moment she strode into the room.

Harry was deciding if it was the confidence that surged from her body or if it was the navy pantsuit she wore that made her seem like a lawyer going into the courtroom with a billionaire- she just had a way about her that screamed power and Harry loved it- he was intrigued and distracted by her, though he also wanted to shove her out of the room.

“Mr. Styles?” she asked with a sharp tone, “On the twelfth you were out partying?” she asked, confused.

Harry nodded, “Correct.”

“Then why did you take off work?”

“It was the day my mum- Anne died. Take it off every year and go to my best mates house. He throws a party and I get drunk.”

“Mr. Horan, yes? He’s a suspect as well,” Y/N mumbled.

“What did he get too close to 86th? Is it because he’s embracing the natural brown of his hair? Told him he should’ve stayed blonde,” Harry snapped back. He was impossibly tired and more than ready to be headed home- he didn’t do anything- that he was certain of.

Y/N’s eyes trace her file and slowly find Harry’s, “If you don’t want to continue you are more than welcome to come back another day but I do not appreciate the tone you are using. You are not on trial and Mr. Horan is not on trial. We are just trying to find information.”

Harry’s eyes diverted quickly. He felt like he was being scolded by his mum after getting a bad grade on a math test; ‘It’s not my fault my teacher sucks!’ he would defend.

“It just seems like I’ve been here for ages and we aren’t getting anywhere- am I really just a suspect or are you lot convinced I’m the murderer of another murderer?”

“It seems you have strong feelings towards Mr. Williams and it seems as though we are not reaching when we assume you had something to do with it- whether that be hiring someone or doing it yourself we don’t know,” Y/N sighs out.

She uncrosses her legs and folds her arms above the table. Leaning into her own body, she comments with just low enough of a volume to be deemed seductive, “Am I incorrect with my assumption, Mr. Styles?”

Harry mirrored her body language, “Extremely. I had nothing to do with this. Wasn’t even conscious.”

“Am I incorrect in my reasoning?”

Harry takes a long pause knowing he has to choose his words carefully, “No but that reasoning can be applied to far too many people for you to make a definitive conclusion.”

Y/N tuts softly while reading over her evidence, “Alright fair enough.” She maintains eye contact with Harry for a short moment before putting the papers back into the manila file folder.

“What’re you doing?” Harry perks up, straightening his posture and pushes his chair back slightly.

“We have been going in circles for two hours. I think we are in need of a break, no?”

“Uh- sure yeah,” Harry left a pregnant pause before he spoke again, “Do you- uh- do you want to get food?”

Y/N stood from her chair with a relieved sigh. She checks her watch before looking at Harry, “I think that’s a conflict of interest,” she sent him a soft smile.

“What if we just conveniently end up at the same restaurant?” Harry asks, “Then maybe our tables are right next to each other so we just decide to sit at the same table to save space.”

Y/N lets out a soft chuckle and glances at the microphone that sat at the table. Harry eyes the microphone and stands up, his jacket dropping on top of it.

“I’ll be at the café down the road in ten minutes- please don’t be late,” Y/N whispers. Harry sends her a smile before nodding slightly and picking up his jacket, making his way to the door, leaving in a hurried motion.

Y/N smiles to herself before following him, leaving at a leisurely pace. “We’ll be back in an hour, Theresa. Keep the room open, please.”

Y/N was purposefully vague with her location- she didn’t know if he was just fucking around or if he genuinely wanted to have lunch. So, she settled on telling him it was a café- one of four that was down the road from the station. She said not to be late so she knew that if he found her, he was being serious.

It was an odd precaution to take, but she was not going to allow Harry, a supposed murderer, seduce her into relieving his suspect status. She was careful and calculated for that reason. She wanted to ensure that he wasn’t using her in the many ways he could.

Y/N was a beautiful woman and Harry was not blind to that. She sat prim and proper and wore clothes that fit her body just right. Her face, though seemingly free of makeup, seemed to be the most attractive one he’s seen in ages- though he would never let that slip. As much as he could deny his involvance with the case, he was a suspect and getting lunch with his interrogator is all too suspicious to begin with.

“You found me,” she smiled once she saw Harry’s curls in her peripheral vision.

“Honest to god, it was the first place I looked. And I used to come here all the time. Food’s the best,” he said, settling in across from her.

She looked up from the menu she held in her hands, “Used to?”

“Am I still under interrogation?” Harry asked while setting his coat across his chair.

“Are there still cameras here?” Y/N countered.

“Probably,” Harry shrugged, “You can never be too sure.” He nodded in appreciation as a waiter passed him and handed him a menu of his own. “I stopped coming when my mum passed. We would come here for brunch every Sunday with my sister. Haven’t really been here all too often in the past few years.”

Y/N hummed in understanding, “Makes sense. I only come here after a long shift. Not exactly my favorite place to eat but it’s close. And good enough.”

“What do you mean not the best,” Harry’s jaw dropped dramatically.

“What have you not been to the diner downtown? Maybe three blocks from here?”

“Uh, no?”

“Well that’s why this is sufficient for you,” she jokes, “Nothing compares to that place.”

“What does it have sentimental value to you?”

“A bit. Used to go there all the time when I was in school. I did everything there- studied, talked,” she paused, “ate.”

“Yes, the most important. Eating.” Harry countered.

“Okay, so what do you recommend from here?”

“Well, for breakfast, I’d say the tofu scramble, for lunch I’d order the meatball sub- marinara and melted cheese of course,” Harry looked up at the girl in front of him to see she had a wide smile.

“Of course.”

“For a snack I’d get any pastry- they have new ones all the time so I just try what sounds good. They’re always unbelievable. And for dinner,” Harry hums while scanning the menu, “For dinner I liked the french onion soup,” Harry concluded.

Y/N’s face scrunched together in disbelief, “French onion soup? God, you are crazy.”

“I’ll be honest I don’t like it from anywhere but here. It’s just done so well,” Harry confesses.

“I won’t take your word for it. Sorry,” Y/N says, “But I will try that meatball sub. Can you order for me? I don’t know what exactly to say,” she trailed off, her lower lip jutting out slightly with that request.

Harry hummed a yes before getting up to fulfill the request. Y/N’s eyes followed his body diligently. He walked with a sense of purpose and carried his body easily- it was almost scary to the girl who sits across from his empty seat. What was his purpose?

He stood watching the chef make their two identical sandwiches in a comforting silence. He was taken back to his youth where this was a regular occurrence- watching the older man as he puts the subs under broiler so the cheese could melt just right- something he always found fascinating. He could probably make the sub from memory after watching it be made so many times.

He nodded in appreciation, paying for the subs in exact change before bringing them back to their table, “Two meatball subs with melted cheese and marinara.”

“Of course,” Y/N smiled, beginning to eat the (surprisingly) amazing sandwich.

Harry ended up going back to a station for another hour before leaving back to his studio for the night. He had a great lunch with Y/N and was filled with a lifetime of regret for not getting her number. He knew if he called the station for it, the call would be recorded and she would get in trouble. So, he was stuck.

It was less than a day since their last meeting and there he was, sitting in front of a bare wall with his eyes locked on the texture that could be seen over the white paint. He found himself in a fit of fury with himself- maybe he should say he has more information so he could see her again? But he knew that wouldn’t bode well for the case.

He had no way to contact her, but then again, he wasn’t in a position to speak to her outside of the case anyway. He was still a suspect and she was still his investigator, even if she was a funny, uplifting girl who he had found himself thinking about constantly.

The only way they could make contact would be if she went into his file to find his number, or in other words, their reconnecting lies on the flimsiest threads. And that devastated the man.

He was apprehensive to go out drinking again. He always seemed to black out; not remembering a single detail from his previous night's adventures. But, he found that not remembering was the key to getting over the girl in the navy pantsuit, so he decided to forget.

He had gone out with Niall, going bar hopping for a few hours before Harry couldn’t stand anymore and he passed out in a bar bathroom. Niall was busy with a girl he had seen when he walked in so Harry was alone. He felt the world revolving around him as he laid against the bar countertop with his head on his arms.

Y/N didn’t notice it was Harry when she walked into the bar. In fact, she didn’t even see him. His back was slumped over his body and the poor guy seemed to be out of his mind. It was a wonder that she had a feeling she knew the man.

She stood next to him as she asked for a scotch on the rocks with a twist- her usual. She glanced at the man a few times, trying her hardest to not be rude, “I’m sorry, is he okay?” she asked the bartender who just shrugged in response before moving to another customer.

Y/N let out a frustrated sigh before gently bringing a hand to his shoulder, “Sir?” she called to him.

He let out a few grumbles before moving his head up slightly, “I’m alright,” he slurred together before dropping his head back down.

“I don’t think you are,” she muttered to herself before sitting down in the seat next to his, “Do you have someone who can take you home?”

“I have two working legs.”

“I don’t think they are working very well tonight,” she chuckled at him.

He groaned before moving his head to look at the girl who was sitting next to him, “My friends somewhere ‘round here,” his eyes shut even tighter than before.

That’s when Y/N recognized the man who sat next to her. Her eyes widened in realization, “Harry?” she asked in shock.

Harry’s eyes opened instantly at the sound of his name. He let out a sigh when he saw it was just Y/N. “Thought I heard my mum’s voice. Don’t do that to me,” he tells her.

“Why are you here?” she asks as Harry sits up.

Harry paused before answering, “I have my reasons.”

Y/N chuckled, “Well alright. I’m going to head out. Stay safe tonight, Harry,” she told him.

Harry was quick to reply, “Wait!” he called after her.

Y/N turned around, slightly unimpressed with his timing, “Yes?”

“Can I- can I get your number?” he asks, his syllables hardly pronounced.

Y/N glanced at her friends who were off dancing before looking back at Harry, “Sure,” she responded.

Harry’s face was quick to become one of pure excitement, looking exactly like a kid in a candy shop, “Alright,” he fumbled a bit while handing her his phone.

It was routine for Niall to be gone into the night with a random girl- truly it was routine for Harry to be gone too. But, he had a change of heart recently so he began wandering the streets on his own before finding his way home in the depth of the night.

He wasn’t fully sure of where he was going but he knew he would find his way back eventually- just an overpriced uber ride away from his home. He began by walking to his mother's grave. It wasn’t a new thing that he did but it hurt just as much each time. He would go sit with her and grieve silently as the night washed away from him.

Old habits die hard and there he was at the graveyard’s entrance looking to see if anyone was there. It was three in the morning but he knew the night was just beginning. People were still out and people, alike from Harry, were grieving.

He sat there at his mother's grave for a while, his thoughts racing. He felt as if he wasn’t in control of his own body. The whole world was speeding by and his legs carried him in circles around the town, always leading back to the graveyard, as Harry’s brain was extremely detached from his actions.

That probably explains why what he did next was so shocking to him.

He wasn’t fully conscious- he couldn’t tell you anything that has happened since he left the bar. Harry was out of it. That was a fact. He stood at his mother's gravestone, a knife in hand (the one he kept hidden under a pile of slowly rotting flowers that he would bring once a week).

He stood to his full height when he saw the headlights approaching the lot next to him. Out stepped a young man white rich, red hair. He was tall, taller than Harry, and he had a devastated look on his face.

Harry guessed the man was in his very early twenties. He looked like a university student who got to go off campus for the weekend. There seemed to be another person in the car but it was hard for him to see properly, ‘If I can’t see them, they can’t see me, right?’ he told himself.

Harry watched the man approach a grave a bit farther from where he stood. He waited exactly two minutes before walking towards him with a sinister smile masked on his face.

The man’s eyes flickered to Harry’s before going back to the grave, “I’m sorry for your loss,” Harry speaks lowly to the man.

He looked directly as Harry and mustered up a small smile before his eyes widened in realization. Harry’s hand made contact with his chest, the knife slicing through his body readily. The color of the crimson blood made him grin- he felt justice when he saw the blood oozing off another human: first his mum, then her murderer, and now an innocent.

Harry was very satisfied, ready to walk back to his home and wash the blood off his hands, quite literally, when he heard a few footsteps crunching the dead leaves that had fallen on the ground in the dead of winter.

And that’s when he heard her angelic voice calling out his name. He could only imagine the expression on her face while her voice, as smooth as honey, called out to him, “Harry?”

He turned expectantly to the woman he had grown infatuated with, “Hello, Y/N.”

#harry styles fanfiction #harry styles imagine #Harry Styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles one shots #harry styles oneshot #harry styles oneshots #harry styles fanfic #harry fanfic #harry imagine #harry imagines #harry styles imagines

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bedlamsbard · 4 years ago

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Putting aside aesthetics and characterization (inasmuch as I can), I have been trying to logic out why Mando Ahsoka feels so different from Rebels Ahsoka (to me, personally; I know many other people feel fine about it), especially in terms of having a character who’s known in Rebels for her “I am no Jedi” line going to a character who is specifically introduced as “The Jedi” in The Mandalorian. (And who is identified as “Ahsoka Tano, Jedi Knight” on merch -- merch is merch, it’s essentially meaningless, but it’s still a choice that was made somewhere along the line.)

“Shroud of Darkness,” Rebels 2.17

“Twilight of the Apprentice,” Rebels 2.21

This is strictly Doylist and not Watsonian; I don’t care what went on in the character’s life in between Rebels and Mando; I’m trying to guess what was happening in the writers room.

I was noodling through this on Twitter, in case it looks familiar.

My first thought was Dave taking a cut scene from Rebels as canon going into Mando, something he shared on Twitter back in the lead-up to S4. Looking at this again I’m not sure this was a cut scene or a scene that he wrote that never made it into the actual script. (Certainly I can’t see how it would have fit into the episode.)

Here Bendu specifically identifies Ahsoka as “former Jedi Knight.” This is also obviously not canon, because Twitter posts aren’t canon, Dave. (Though that doesn’t mean that he might have taken it as part of his working backstory for the character anyway.)

I was then thinking about TCW and the unused TCW arcs as they existed in 2016 when this aired (with the rough guess that Rebels S2 was probably written in 2014). There are three Ahsoka arcs that were written and existed in 2016 in some form (”scripts and some artwork” is what Pablo Hidalgo says, and some pre-viz and recordings from the original Walkabout arc that were shown at a couple Celebrations), but which hadn’t made it into S6 (which came out in 2014): Ahsoka’s Walkabout (in its original form with Nix Okami instead of the Martez sisters), the Siege of Mandalore, and an arc which would have taken place between those two, “Return to the Jedi.” We know about these because of a panel from Star Wars Celebration Europe in 2016 called Ahsoka’s Untold Tales -- I was actually at this panel, but I haven’t thought about it in a while. Here’s the SW.com liveblog of it; here’s the video.

I remember hearing somewhere that the TCW team had nine seasons or so written, but can’t find the source for that number now. When S7 was made, there were obviously a lot of compromises made that we’ll never really know about, minus a tell-all memoir or documentary, which probably isn’t coming any time soon. Knowing that this Return to the Jedi arc existed, I wondered if at one point Dave had tried to get all three Ahsoka arcs into S7 before having to give one up for the Bad Batch arc (especially as we now know there’s going to be a Bad Batch TV show); it’s also entirely possible that at one point in the production process there was the possibility of a full 22 episode season floated, which would have made three Ahsoka arcs in one season less unbalanced.

I went to go look up what the Return to the Jedi arc actually was, since 2016 was a long time ago and I haven’t really thought about this panel since. My guess is that it had been intended for one Ahsoka arc per remaining season (7, 8, 9). Pablo Hidalgo says that after the Walkabout arc, Ahsoka would have stayed on Coruscant as “an under-city vigilante of some degree, helping people who can’t help themselves,” and Dave points out that he talked about this with George Lucas, as well. The Return of the Jedi arc would have involved Ahsoka finding out about a nefarious plot targeting Yoda and working with the Jedi to figure out what’s what with that -- this revealed that below the Jedi Temple was an ancient Sith shrine. (Some details of this were revealed at Star Wars Celebration Anaheim in 2015.)

Ahsoka would have been protecting the holocron vault from Darth Sidious, putting her lightsaber blade through the door while Palps shoots Force lightning up the blade.

“The whole purpose of that particular arc would have been to bring Ahsoka back. She’s not a Jedi, she doesn’t change her decision, but she gets involved in Jedi business again.”

The next Ahsoka arc and the final arc of the series would have been the Siege of Mandalore arc, which “reunites Ahsoka with the clone troopers, with Anakin.” My guess is that the end of the Return to the Jedi arc would have involved Ahsoka making the decision to go to Mandalore because the Jedi themselves couldn’t get involved in that conflict at the time (especially the emphasis in the panel that Pablo and Dave put on Ahsoka as being “a responsible person” who couldn’t ignore that the war was still going on, and because Ahsoka knew Satine). (It would be interesting to know when if this arc would have fallen before or after the Darth Maul - Son of Dathomir comics, which are based off another unmade TCW arc.) This would probably have put as much as a season between this arc and the final arc -- given TCW’s funky timeline that doesn’t mean much, but in terms of audience expectation it helps.

(also, damn, the context of the beginning of Siege of Mandalore in the original concept vs. how it actually happens in S7 is very different -- like, on the surface identical but the emotions involved are totally different.)

Before going into the next part of the panel (post-war), Pablo Hidalgo adds “We consider it to have happened and that’s how we inform the writing in Rebels, because that’s the history that these characters carry in their heads.”

So going into Rebels, the writing team was working with the background that Ahsoka had not only left the Jedi Order once, in “The Wrong Jedi,” but had reinforced her decision not to go back to the Jedi by not returning to the Order during the Return to the Jedi arc. That explains why in Rebels she’s so adamant about not being a Jedi or being in the Order; it’s a decision that she has made not once, but twice.

Fast forward four years to 2020, where we have the Siege of Mandalore arc in S7.

It’s heavily implied that Ahsoka was planning to go back to the Order after the end of the war, and in fact Yoda treats her as such.

Now, there’s no way to know if this exchange was in the original Siege of Mandalore scripts short of those being released at some point (which is possible but seems unlikely when the character is still in play), but because of the way S7 plays out there is no way to put the Return to the Jedi arc back into the story, which means all the emotional context and Ahsoka doubling down on not returning to the Order is thrown out of the window. That’s a fair chunk of backstory to take into the Rebels writers room.

(It should also be noted that presumably E.K. Johnston wrote the Ahsoka novel with the assumption that that arc was still part of Ahsoka’s working canon, though she may not have seen scripts for it; I feel like I read somewhere that she had seen scripts for the original version of the Siege of Mandalore, which changed quite a lot between original concept and the eventual 2020 version, as is evident from the novel vs the show.)

Going into The Mandalorian, then, Dave Filoni is not only working without a writers room (as Mando has only had two writers, Dave Filoni and Jon Favreau), but working with an entirely different continuity than what the Rebels writers room was working with.

Trying to backtrack when various scripts were written is an exercise in futility to some extent; I usually guess anywhere from a year to two years out from when the shows air. (I seem to remember that around this time in 2016 it came out that Katee Sackhoff was doing something for Disney, which ended up being the recording for Bo-Katan in Rebels S4, which wouldn’t air for another year, but don’t quote me on these dates.) Dave ends the panel by saying that “After the season 2 finale for Rebels I was very adamant that that was it for Ahsoka...in Rebels...but after this reaction it might just be possible...it might be possible to see her again. She might have something to do. Maybe.” (For those trying to run dates in their heads: the con was in July 2016, the season 2 finale aired in March 2016, WBW aired in February 2018.) My guess is that they hadn’t recorded for that part of S4 yet (and S4 is so weirdly paced that I have questions about how it was made), but that the initial scripts for S4 had already been written at this point.

Looking back at the Star Wars Celebration Chicago 2019 TCW panel where Ashley Eckstein talks about getting the news about TCW S7 from Dee Bradley Baker (rather than from Dave Filoni, and hoo boy is this uncomfortable to watch knowing that the script for “The Jedi” had almost certainly been written and Dave may have already made the decision not to talk to Ashley about it), there’s still not like...a clear way to tell when that happened. Except that Dee talks about “wine tasting with the Rebels,” which likely puts it back when Rebels S4 was either still actively airing (2017-2018) or before it had wrapped filming (2017). (I actually vaguely remember seeing pictures from this wine tasting but I can’t remember whose twitter it was on and going to look feels creepy.) Probably the scripts weren’t fully revised at that point but they may have been -- still, this was certainly after S2 and could potentially be before S4 had been fully finalized. We got the TCW renewal announcement in 2019, but the animation wasn’t fully completed yet so didn’t get more than that teaser trailer. This is only important insofar as it involves which set of backstory was being used for WBW Ahsoka, an episode that Dave Filoni wrote and co-directed. (Honestly? I think Mando Ahsoka matches okay with WBW Ahsoka but is a little off Rebels S2 Ahsoka, but that’s off my memory of WBW, an episode I refuse to rewatch.) Certainly with the epilogue he knew he was setting up for something else.

ETA: I FORGOT AN IMPORTANT PART OF THIS TIMELINE AND THAT’S THE RISE OF SKYWALKER because I try not to think about TROS, frankly, but as we may remember Ahsoka is included in the “be with me” scene in the final confrontation. This always struck me as weird given the “I am no Jedi” thing from Rebels, but she’s the most well-known female Force-user so I had just mentally written it off as easy shorthand and JJ Abrams being lazy about it. HOWEVER, presumably JJ talked to Dave about which prequel era Jedi to include (there’s a note in one of the previous SWC liveblogs about Rian Johnson being in the Rebels writers room at some point). TROS came out in December 2019, I can’t recall exactly when they did the voiceovers for that scene (if anyone has ever mentioned it), but it was probably fairly late in the process since I believe that there were still edits being made up until fairly soon before the premiere. (I have a completely different theory that the Lego Star Wars Holiday Special from this year was written off an earlier version of TROS.) If Dave had already moved towards making Ahsoka more inclined towards the Jedi, with a full-on return to calling herself one regardless of the existence of the Order (as Mando implies), then her inclusion here makes a LOT more sense than it did a year ago.

Anyway this is all very conspiracy theorist, but it does explain something that was puzzling me: Rebels S2 Ahsoka and Mando Ahsoka (as well as TCW S7 Ahsoka and potentially Rebels S4 Ahsoka) were written off slightly different backstories which differed in one very key thing: how committed Ahsoka was to no longer being a Jedi.

Now, this sort of thing happens all the time in anything with an ongoing continuity; obviously TCW makes major changes to how viewers might read or write Obi-Wan and Anakin/Vader in RotS or the OT. I was just trying to narrow it down in this particular case because until I started thinking about it I had assumed that it was all being written off the same assumed backstory. And many people read Ahsoka differently in Mando than I did or found her perfectly in character, this was for me to track references down about something that was bothering me in hopes of an explanation that would satisfy me.

#bedlam watches the mandalorian #bedlam watches tcw #bedlam watches rebels #mando the jedi #btw this is the same sort of thing I do for academic work this stuff is just easier because I remember it better #and can google it which I usually can't for scholarship

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jonroxton · 4 years ago

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can you talk about chlark beyond chloe? personally i think it's weird that the writers kept adding kisses and weird romantic moments without any pay off. i don't know much about the fandom back then but i think the writers were baiting fans since clark/chloe seems to be the second most popular ship after clex. second i personally think chloe would never be happy with clark or anyone tbh and she doesn't seem like the type of person who would have kids so the finale was weird to me.

this got looooong :)

0. it WAS weird, and the choice to never not once go for it with them was to the story's detriment. I'll get into it a little later on in this post.

Re: shipping in sv fandom. there was definitely drama (clana was HUGE when the show was airing and every ship was basically derailed by it lol) but I stayed in my clois lane with a small circle of fandom friends much like I do now. a good measure of clois fans were fans of lois and clark from other mediums, come to sv just for lois and clark, myself included. we were pretty insulated as a fandom even back then. I do remember seeing more Chlark after the S5 finale (when Chloe kisses him goodbye), but those dropped off after Jimmy was introduced right away in S6. The most drama I encountered was with Chloisers: Chloe fans who believed wholeheartedly that Chloe was Lois. They hated SV!Lois and were convinced she would die so Chloe could take her name and job and place by Clark's side, thus a Chlark endgame. this was a popular theory amongst that fandom even into s9, when the clois ball started to roll for true.

bait and switch

a lot of Chlark is rooted in this notion that chloe WOULD be the best thing for Clark, the ideal Lois, the true best friend, the human hand guiding him through Earth's troubles. she would be could be the BEST possible lois archetype for Clark. it's not a wrong interpretation. she was specifically written as a lois-and-lana-proxy (teenage lana is a reporter in some AUs and even some as an adult as a tv correspondent) and she's given many lois-ish traits (tenacious, secretly crushing on clark and in denial), but this interpretation is deeply flawed. first, because lois does eventually enter into the picture and she has her own defining traits that, when compared to chloe, make chloe seem much shallower than realized. secondly, within the complete context of the story, her position in the greater narrative is not as ~the one who got away, the way it did very early on in S1-S4, but one who clark tolerates.

they're friends because clark is forgiving and chloe has staying power. their friendship is riddled with insecurities and unknowns the characters create for themselves. their dynamic is defined by conflict, not resolutions. this is not made easy by the fact that chloe is such a strangely written character, but ultimately she is positioned as a counter to clark achieving his happiness. not a thematic narrative foil but an obstacle clark eventually relents to.

2. and it has been so from the get-go

S1 is the best season for them and the single season which actually considers Clark's side in this dynamic. everything about them later on can be explained with how they are in this season. and that's the problem. when they're 14 it's nice teen angst drama and works perfectly to establish the dynamic. when they're 24 it's at best a pattern, at worst regression. we expect certain behaviors, dismiss them too, when it's children, at least I do. clark and chloe never move beyond the dynamic they establish in s1 and early s2. in essence, clark and chloe remain children around each other. they have many discussions in the later seasons that make at least one appear petulant.

so S1 clark has just been told the greatest secret of his existence and he imprints on lana hard that same night (right AFTER jonathan tells him, he meets lana at the graveyard and talks to her for the first time EVER, a lot of childhood imprinting going on in SV). all of s1 follows clark's heartache over lana, watching her from afar and figuring out a way to be near her. this pain is exacerbated by the fact that he believes he caused her her greatest grief: the death of her parents via the meteor shower which he arrived in.

here the first beat of the chlark dynamic is established: chloe's job and passion – the wall of weird and her pursuing the meteor infected oddities of SV - directly affects clark in a negative way (he's suicidal for much of s1-s3). so her crush on him is countered with her unknowingly causing him great grief. om top of that: clark becomes part of this passion of hers and she eventually begins to pursue him as a story to be uncovered, very superman yes. here tho, it causes nothing but strife for them and paints chloe in an awful light (and clark too, highlighting his refusal to open up). I personally enjoy this aspect of them in s1. bc they're so young I give em a free pass and it's a good conflict playing around with old superman tropes, but it makes for a fraught friendship.

3. the second beat

is that neither chloe's crush on clark, nor his asking her to stop pursuing his truth, do anything to stay her. her tenaciousness becomes intrusiveness and inconsideration (many of her accomplishments irt the daily planet are directly bc she betrays clark). she simply will not listen to her friend and does not believe his livelihood and autonomy is worth losing a story over. this is literally the opposite of comics/live action lois lane, who in various versions drops the clark reveal story to protect him. this passion turns vindictive pretty early for chloe, who eventually pursues stories about clark out of jealousy and entitlement (against lana also).

4. the third beat

is that clark doesn't ever see chloe as romantic prospect except this time in s1. the tornado trapping lana pulls him away from any solidifying of the clark/chloe dynamic, and that's that. but we know clark was willing to go for it in early s2 when he apologizes to chloe about running off on her. it's chloe who decides not to go on with the relationship. clark is visibly confused, but also 15 so he can't see that chloe is putting on a brave front to protect herself from clark running off again. I liked this too as it's another play on superman tropes, but my sympathy for them stops here.

5. and stays here

these beats are the entirety of this dynamic. everything about chlark can be distilled down to their childhood. it's why I don't hate them completely, bc I have a lot of love for kids who hurt in such a way and that time is never easy. in s8 (I think its s8) when we get a flashback to when they meet as kids (more imprinting!). little tenacious cute chloe kisses insecure clark bc of the funny awkward tension, acknowledging it, and then immediately takes it back because they're better as friends. (also they’re like 11 lol)

every single romantic moment with them is undercut either by chloe herself, or by the presence of other storylines/romances the writers wanted to pursue. the lack of integrity in chloe and the lack of interest in clark, regardless of how sincere their connection or how messed up, is a central part of their dynamic that needs to be reconciled with their friendship. and its exhausting bc there is never a point they are ever truly comfortable around each other.

6. to a fault

knowing the secret doesn't change chloe's methods. it doesn't make chloe clark's great confidante. if anything, it complicates matters for both because their relationship then becomes about the greater good and clark's great destiny. everything chloe does becomes about that, which in theory sounds awesome, but is executed much the same way as s1!chlark: by reiterating behaviors that highlight the negative aspects of that loyalty and the negative aspects of their characters.

the single time they do actively examine what this loyalty means and how chloe's hero complex complicates things for chlark is with s8 and davis. she protects davis with the skills of subterfuge and secrecy she developed as clark's friend. and it costs her jimmy and a lot of her personal integrity as a character. tho ironically it makes chloe the strongest she's been as a character. this is the first time clark is forced to view chloe as an enemy and he never quite recovers from discovering the dark depths she’s willing to go to.

it's an arc dealing with the established beats: how far chloe is willing to go for a kryptonian (very far), how much she's willing to do for him (A LOT and all of it illegal), and what it costs her (jimmy). it deals with her jealousy (always second choice) and her motivations (uncovering the truth). this great want that she struggled with for years is turned on its head and examined, revealing just how weird and dark her hero complex is because obviously davis is not clark. davis/chloe served to highlight more than any other arc how it's really too bad that clark never saw her that way, because she has so much love to give and when channeled, it's a great force. only it's a great force for evil. clark has to confront that it’s not just lex but his other closest friend who is willing to go so far. they backtrack hard in s9 and s10 but they keep this underlying wariness in clark towards Chloe throughout. it’s not anything new, but it’s no longer subtext that clark doesn’t fully trust chloe.

7. And that's the rub

in the end. chloe and clark have many storylines they're in together and chloe's important.... to develop clark and as a counter to clark. clark never instigates anything, not once, for 9 years! when the show did give us Moments TM, clark is reacting, not actively making choices to connect to her. if anything, clark is incredibly awkward about chloe when they become intimate. he doesn't seem to know what to do with her crushing on him (the elevator scene is a great one to show just how awkward chloe makes him feel). more than that. clark never tells her his secret. and later on, chloe doesn't tell him half the crazy wild shit she does to protect him bc she knows he would disapprove. I still hold that the only reason they work is bc clark is a forgiving character and would give her chance after chance after chance. that's the watsonian explanation, but the doylist explanation is that the writers just never cared to explore them beyond this point.

8. and what was beyond that point?

they would've been a great counter to lexana in S6 and early clana (clark finally having a gf who knows). it’s playing the clark/Chloe as a straight lois/clark proxy before actually pursuing lois and clark. it could’ve been the precursor to davis and caused an even more personal conflict! the kiss at the end of s5 was their chance. they could've written chlark devolving much the same way lexana did in s6 (or not). but again. the writers never went that far and clearly never wanted to. it kept chlark forever in this stage of childhood friendship always on the brink of collapsing, tittering either way. it's also tough to speculate bc clark's just not into her. in fact he becomes more and more wary of her, to the point where he believes she can do horrible things, and he's right. the stories continually make their methods complete opposite.

they go out of their way to show chloe realizing how happy clark is with lois. and even play a joke on the fandom by literally turning her into lois and seeing the sparks between her friends. it's almost... cruel but it does serve to show how clark is when he's smitten and he's never looked at chloe that way except during the dance when they were kids. other unrequited dynamics have at least some spark from the desired, but nil from clark. clark is into chloe in late s1, but she shuts him down, and when he seems to be into her again (damn that s5 kiss was a good one lol), she shuts him down again. it's just a weird writing choice all around, and that they kept nuggets of it throughout the show is the thing I cringe at most whenever I rewatch.

9. bait and switch 2

with hindsight it is definitely ship baiting and that sucks for that dynamic bc without it their friendship would’ve been the stronger, or at least not full of so much negativity. all it did was remind everyone that chloe’s been duped since she was a kid and that clark is both stupid and strange for never noticing and letting her get away with shit just bc she’s the most loyal. I don’t ship them and even I get frustrated lol

#mystuff #smallville #superman #anti chlark #sayruq #my meta

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