#(there's some other things to pay attention to too .... also I want to re compare Outer Science to like. everything again)

[denv2]

Okay. I'll just ramble on by myself again today. There are so many things to say, but I'm bad at English, so I can only talk to myself and use a translator to post it.... (Why doesn't Tumblr have an official translator function. I don't want to compare, but twt(x) has Google Translate, but can't Tumblr have that too. Please play my wish. If it's a global app, let's have a translator) Anyway, I want to see more of Felix's story...

As always, I'm embarrassed to talk about headcanons alone, so I'll continue below. (99% IM!felix chat)(It's long)(chapter 172~ spoiler)

I've been mentioning something consistently... I keep thinking about Felix's backstory, which I'm rereading these days... Last time I read and drew a picture of chapter 181, but... Oh my God, I should've started at 172, but I realized I started in the middle.

In 172, Felix uses a gag to defeat the enemy. I love the description of his ability to use a gag, but what's even more thrilling is his reaction afterward. He spontaneously bursts out laughing in triumph after defeating the enemy through a gag. Then he immediately frowns.

'Too close. It was too close.' < This sentence actually made me pull my hair out...

It really shows how Felix is determined to never go back to being zany again. I love the way he checks himself because he's afraid he's going to turn into a zany person after one gag. I really like that... When I first read the novel, I didn't decide on a favorite and just enjoyed the story itself, but now that I'm reading the details again for the first time in a long time while knowing the whole story, I think there are so many things I forgot. And about the relationship between Felix and zany... There were more mentions than I thought, but I didn't notice this... Yes, in fact, the labyrinth part was so long that I was a little tired when I read that part before, but I didn't remember that a lot of Felix's backstory was solved from Felix's side during the labyrinth part...

I keep getting a little obsessed with Felix's past, Felix and his zany days, but there's a reason. I did fanart until March of this year, then I got a little busy for a while, so I was binge-watching chapters of the novel, and then I read chapters 349 and 350, and I loved them so much that I really fell in love with them, so I came back to drawing Felix after a long time? Chapter 349 is the adoption meeting between Canola and Felix, and I really love this chapter. The reason Boris's adoption was rejected was because Felix was zany (+ other unreliable behaviors), and I actually sympathized with Canola. Felix is a trustworthy protector, sure, but he's not perfect, and I like him more for that... As a side note, I do like Canola (I like her as a 2D character, she's like Noelle's mom from Deltarune lol) Anyway, it was Felix's mention of his inner zany that really opened my eyes to Felix and zany. After that, I thought I should re-read about Felix's past connections from his visions in the labyrinth, and then I grabbed chapter 181 and read it and loved it so much that I started drawing Alex and Kitty... But I should have read it from 172!!! 172 also had some really important Felix and ZANY, GAG references...

And chapter 174... Awww. I'm going to paint a picture of Professor Wilson and Felix's past college relationship... As for Professor Wilson's characterization, I've been paying attention to it because of the cult references, but I've been rethinking that characterization as Felix's benefactor lately, so I'm appreciating that part anew, and it's great. I think I remember there was a side story about Felix and Professor Wilson in college in Inky Extra, but I need to read it again.

And chapter 179!! No why didn't I read chapter 179 again?! I thought I would find Felix's past part in the labyrinth part and read it again, so I clicked on the early and middle chapters of the labyrinth to find Felix and read it, but it was 181. There was 179 before 181, but I should have read it from here 😂.

But actually, it's probably a good thing I read chapter 179 now, because it's based on the Twisted Tales Felix animation. If I had read 179 when I reread chapter 181, I don't think I would have gotten as much detail as I did now, because I hadn't seen Twisted Felix yet! So I guess I found this at the right time... Anyway, I have a lot to say about chapter 179.

After realizing that Felix's former hometown is based on Twisted Tales... I can kind of imagine how he lived in the past, and I like that.

To digress for a second, I recently posted a picture of Felix as a showmanship-esque star in a tailcoat suit, and while I was drawing it, I was thinking that Felix, who is a real-life zany top-tier star, would never wear a suit like that, lol. But! I think he would have worn it at least once, but the normal show would have been a comedy show with gags, witty stand-up comedy and physical comedy, right? But I wanted to draw Felix the star in a suit, with a glow in his eyes... That zany, crazy presence! I tried to capture that in my own expression. And since Star Felix is Felix from the past, I wanted him to be a little younger than he is now... The hairstyle is also a little different from the current Felix I'm drawing now! The current Adventurer Felix has more wild hair and is a little unkempt, whereas the Star Felix I drew this time is very well-groomed for showmanship and has a slicked back hairdo.

Let's go back to 179 again. The first line that stood out to me was when Felix's friend asks, "You're not homeless again, are you?

Later on, Felix and Bendy meet up and Felix is telling Bendy about his past, and I think it's mentioned that after Alex, Felix's show fortunes started to change, and he was living an unstable life where he was doing well, and then all of a sudden he was homeless, and then he was doing well again, and then he was going back and forth like that. I think that's the fun part of the subtext, because you read the subtext first, you can see what the earlier reference is actually for.

Then there's Sheba... Actually, what I've been thinking about Sheba and what I drew with Alex and Kitty last time and what I drew after watching Twisted Tales... The character interpretations are mixed now. I drew Sheba last time, but I think I need to change the character design...! I want her to have more of a Twisted Tales feel to her. I feel like I need to do more characterization for Sheba, especially after seeing the scene where Felix's friends don't understand that he doesn't want to be zany, except for Sheba... I need to get her in line... I love Felix and Sheba's friendship in the original comic, but I need to re-read the parts where it's mentioned about their friendship in IM.

And about Candy, I'm actually really interested in Felix's past relationships with girls... Seriously, why is Felix so popular? lol I love it... I love that his past is so colorful... Candy, Nastassia... and Kitty (oh my god. I have so much to say about Kitty).

Okay, let's move on to 181. If I have something else to say about 179 later, I'll say it then. I'm going to say 181 again because it's Kitty...

One of Alex's lines to Felix is this: "Kitty was the last steady girl you had, right?" < Alex's provocation level is... Crazy... (in a positive way). I can't stop thinking about this. About Felix's stable attachment to a relationship.... He's been living alone ever since he left town... I don't think he was even interested in a relationship, because it ended so tragically.... Then one day he meets a rabbit...(Oh my god, but this isn't about Osix, so maybe later...)

I'm so curious about the end of Felix and Kitty's tragic past relationship... What the hell did Alex do? I've imagined some really horrible things, and I honestly don't think it's that bad, but what the hell made Kitty apologize to Felix and Felix turn away and avoid her? What the hell happened?"....

Awww... Felix and Kitty... I'm sure they were a great match before the tragedy... But... But now that they've been torn apart... I love this tragedy... I'm sorry Felix, but I really like ex relationships... because they're ex...

By the way, about Kitty's appearance, last time I drew her with ring earrings, I realized I should change the design to round earrings. I've got two pairs of Felix and Kitty and Oswald and Ortensia scheduled... so it's one of the things I'll definitely do. I'll probably change the earrings to be round then.

Now about Alex. There is so, so much to say about him...... I really love this dislike between Felix and Alex because it feels so good that the people they hate so much are cousins, blood relatives.

Cousins... I think this is more of a fear for Felix. If it were anyone else, he could just end the relationship cleanly. But I think the fact that they are family is more frightening... That's what I like so much. Felix hates and loathes Alex with all his heart. But Alex's attitude in the labyrinth is a little different from Felix's, isn't it? Felix is really hating him, but Alex is provoking him by raising him up... That's also very nice.

I love every single one of Alex's lines, it's so flavorful. I like villainous characters like Alex, but the reason why Alex is especially good is because it's a personalized antagonistic relationship with Felix that completely provokes Felix. He's so good at provoking...

I love the way Alex calls Kitty: 'beaut', 'kit', 'honey doll'... It's so sweet. It's so poisonous... And the things he says to Felix, it's so disturbing. He's so crazy.

'Long time no see, Feels', 'C'mon Feels, nothing to say to me? I've missed you!'(heck, this is soooo crazy.......), 'Still mad?', 'That's cute, Feels.'(noooooooo this is so insane....... alex..... love his poisoned words...), 'dear cousin?', 'cousin'

I love the way Alex says this... He's really provoking Felix with every line... I love how felix refers to alex as just 'Alex' but alex emphasizes the word 'cousin'. See why I said they have a better relationship because they're cousins? By referring to him as a cousin, he's subtly telling Felix that you're not really gone when you leave, that you're not really gone as long as you have the same blood in your veins. I think 'cousin' encompasses both mocking and taunting him for running away, but also letting him know that he's not really gone when he runs away.

But here's my question. When Alex mentions Felix's magic bag, he says it's supposed to be mine. Huh... I'm really curious about the past...

And then there's Alex's Felix costume... Seriously, I love this gimmick, it's a tradition, right? Alex mentions that it's the first time he's done it in a long time, and I wonder if there was an incident in the past where this costume caused a huge rift between Felix and the people around him. And... About Kitty... I can't get this thought out of my head. I'm sure it's because of Alex's appearance in the original Felix classic comics.... Yeah, right....... Oh, I'm thinking the worst again. I'm done here....

I find Felix's past parts so interesting and funny and I think about them a lot, but that's probably more because I like IM Felix.

I also realize that this whole past part isn't really real, it's just Labyrinth's hallucination. I think the real Alex and the real Kitty might react differently, but I honestly think Alex would be the same as Labyrinth lol. Considering the way Alex talks in the other books, yes. He really does have a mouth full of venom (which I love).

That was a really long rant... It's all running around in my head and I have nowhere to put it... I wanted to rant like this in my own personal space. I hope if anyone reads this far, they enjoyed it... Please someone talk to me about Felix🥺

[earthtokhal]

At this point, either confirm it or stfu. This constant merry go around is annoying.

Daniel has not yet reached Yuki in points, but he has been picking up his performances and becoming more consistent.

People who want him gone fail to understand that everyone besides Marko is calling it a sister team, NOT a junior team. Marko himself has called it a sister team before. The whole rebrand was to make sure the team was able to stand on its own and get results, and now suddenly, the same shareholders want it to be a junior team?

To me, it sounds like a not so subtle way to remind the shareholders that Christian brought Daniel back as a potential replacement for Sergio and now that it didn't happen, Marko should have his say again but at this point it just looks silly, they've already told us why they re-signed him.

In addition to that, we've had countless confirmation that Daniel has been driving the technical side. He is the one giving feedback. Yes, the last upgrade didn't work as well in terms of results, but it was a whole new car, and we were able to overtake AND not completely botch the start. Both of which were difficult to do previously. And Yuki felt comfortable enough during quali that he said "that was a good lap" only to be told that he didn't make it. I genuinely feel like they will figure it out soon regarding the new upgrade. People don't want Daniel, but they still want the car he helped improve.

As for Joe, let's not forget that according to him, Daniel was supposed to be replaced in Miami, Alonso was supposed to have signed with Red Bull and a big announcement was supposed to be released last week. All this on top of his whole Logan/Kimi thing. He gets things right, but they are few and far between.

Whether he heard about the tyre test that Liam is doing in July and decided to put two and two together after Markos article and get 5 instead of 4, is beyond me .

Liam's result last year came after dnf's, but at the same time, he was able to keep it clean and drive a faultless race. His results look so great because, in reality, there was nothing to compare it to, Yuki suffered from some dismal luck.

Daniel isn't taking up Liam's seat. That seat was always Daniel's. Liam didn't "replace" him last year, Liam stood in for him. We must remember that on three occasions, they had the opportunity to put Liam in that seat, instead they chose Nyck, Daniel and then Daniel again.

Liam deserves a seat. As do Jack, Theo, Ollie... but expecting that seat to be made free by Daniel is unfair. There are multiple drivers there with fewer points than him and yes, one can argue that Daniel is almost half down in points than his team mate but then anyone who actually pays attention to Daniel's weekends can tell you how much of those results were not Daniel's fault.

On a weekend, when things align, even with a penalty for something that wasn't his fault and even with narrowly dodging the flying Williams and Ferrari, he will get points. In his short time there, he has already earned their highest quali and results twice.

It is also not surprising that Marko ran to the media a day after the news about Liam and Audi made its way around. Yuki's announcement was half assed too, less than an hour before quali just after news got out that other teams were interested.

On many occasions, we've been told that the management would look at driver options in the summer break.

It is also wise to note that Daniel is currently in a visa ad that will probably run for a while, I don't think it would be wise to replace the driver who brought in visa and is currently in the ad campaign by end of July.

Also, "sacking" Daniel for performance while, at the same time, rewarding someone who prior to the Spanish gp earned the same points as him in a superior car is laughable.

At the end of the day, Daniel and the team aren't only saying they're working together. We can see it. I'm annoyed that this is the weekend he is going to get all these annoying questions, but he has handled it well before.

Whatever happens, he won't go down easily.

Not without a fight.

[kittyit]

Aah you're welcome! I'm sure I missed some important details, this is just the general outline. Saw some people saying they wanted to fact-check later, so here's some sources to make your job easier

https://president.az/en/articles/view/55498 (wrt Russia and Azerbaijan being allied)

https://x.com/301arm/status/1879910352877441196?t=CVr6slPjP-0OnubvAhZ8iQ&s=19 (political persecution of Armenians in Artsakh, this case in particular is very prominent right now)

More on Armenian genocide:

http://www.genocide-museum.am/eng/Lemkin120.php

Also Erdogan's entire policy actually has a name which slipped my mind, look up Neo-Ottomanism for that. Compare with Russian Fascism, which also has it's own usage. Thought I think western sources actually focus on Russian relationships with Ukraine in their analysis of it too much. Here's a good read though:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.aljazeera.com/amp/opinions/2023/1/24/how-western-scholars-overlooked-russian-imperialism

Other things to look up when researching russian imperialism:

First and Second Chechen wars, as well as terrorist attacks on Nord-Ost Drama Theatre, 1999 Russian Apartment Bombings and Beslan School Siege. If you think this looks almost exactly like American's imperialism in Middle East, you are correct.

Russian occupation of Georgia

Russian involment in Syria

Soviet-Finnish/Winter war (Putin has something to say about Finland, btw: https://www.pravda.com.ua/eng/news/2024/03/13/7446268/ )

2020 Belarusian protests (there's actually an avesome indie documentary on it but the Belarusian producer has been forced to remove it from YouTube after Belarus government arrested him I believe. It had English subtitles and I very strongly recommend it, but now it's only on Facebook w/o any subtitles. I've been considering re-uploading it and translating again but I am unsure about the producer's and other's safety if I do. If you know someone who can translate Russian to you on the go, I'm more than happy to give you the link)

Russian occupied territory of Transnistria

Oh, by the way: Russia and Israel - https://thedefensepost.com/2024/11/10/netanyahu-diplomacy-putin/ (I know it's a right-wing source but like nobody else covers this, bear with me here please)

(when he says anything about protecting Jewish people, he is a Fucking Liar by the way. I hope this is clear.)

There's just so much, I can't even wrap my own head around it. I feel like every time I'm adding something I'm missing something else. So I don't blame you for a second for not paying attention to geopolitics, thought I wish more radfems did in general. It is easy to dismiss all wars as happening due to patriarchy, and I think there is some merit to that discussion, but we can't explain the current events away and live in ignorance. It's a male-dominated area for a reason, the reason being that they want us not to know.

I admire your work by the way, I don't think I've said that before. In a weird way that thinkpiece about measuring pain resonated with me too for a different reason. I think it's awfully relatable to people who are opressed on the base of ethnicity whose opressors live under a totalitarian government. Whose pain matters more indeed.

Peace :)

thanks for the links 😌

[thedeafprophet]

RE: the "curtains are never just blue" post,,,what Are the reasons your characters dress the way they do? 👀

Are you prepared for a rant? this is how you get a rant

So when it comes to characters and outfits, this is something I put a lot of thought into.You can learn so so much about characters from what they wear, from personality, to class, to day to day practicality.

What someone chooses to wear makes a huge insight into who they are as character.

Lets start by looking at Alex

Alex dresses really simply. His colour palette is limited, sticking mostly to browns, white, and black. These colours and how he wears then give you some insight into his personality - he's not some who gravitates towards colour, and most importantly he's not someone who wants to stand out.

Combined with the thief cloak he wears, you can pretty easyily get the sense that he's some who hides, and a shadowy character. pretty easy to pick up on what exactly his career is.

From a class standpoint too, Alex has really basic outfits of the time period, something that indicates his connection to the lower class. His outfit also doesn't change much, which implies further into his disinterest in even pretending to be someone who pays attention to class expectations.

Also a tidbit - Alex keeps the top button of his shirts undone because the stiff button on the top gives him sensory hell lol. His outfits are picked for comfort and practicality, not for showing off

Now lets compare that to how Jamie dresses

From that start, you see the palpable difference here.

Jamie wears all the layers of the time period, from suits to vest and shirt. But we also see them in lesser attire - Jamie frequently goes around in just their vest, indicating their great inclination towards scandal and a laissez faire

Most imporantly, we can tell they are someone who cares. About what they wear, they care about what people look at and see of them. They want to show off and make an impact. They are also clearly someone who has money, at least now, with a variety of outfits and a variety of colour and fabric. They're someone who wants that to be known.

And then we get into the colour - Jamie's primary colour scheme is red, white, and black, somethin which could imply their conflicting lean of moral alignment within the games lore.....

Most prominently though, its the white and black are shades that allow the red to stand out. Red as a colour can imply many things, first of all the ambition that they were made for lol, but also the colour of blood, of wine, and scandal. Red is also a colour that is bold, heat, and can very promintently imply danger - with that being Jamie's main colour, it stands out and stands to question of why

And - it perhaps give some insights of other characters they may be connected to when it comes to that colour....

I could rant further......a comparison of Josehine and Aurora;Josephine's need with societal pressure to perform femininity vs Rory's complete rejection of those expectations. Josie keeps to minimal colours except on special events, and you can tell she is most herself when she is within her labcoat and lab space. Rory beginning her arc covered by her coat until later on when she's come into herself wearing a suit and standing talll...

I could say so much but ah. this post has gotten long hasnt it 😅

[this-is-mycrisis]

Lockwood Pays Attention

Summary: Some of Lockwood's observations on Lucy after seeing her with a migraine. Starring George still being an icon and Lockwood being an oblivious lovesick fool...

Word count: 753

Trigger warnings: migraine mention, symptoms of migraine/migraine triggers, brief food mention. Let me know if I missed anything

Let me know how you like it, likes and re-blogs apppreciated!

In the weeks following Lucy’s migraine, Lockwood was extra observant and attentive. He thought he was being subtle. And while Lucy didn’t notice, George certainly did. If there was one thing Anthony Lockwood didn’t do well it was subtlety, which meant that Lucy was just as oblivious to the mutual feelings between the two. It wasn’t that Lockwood was hovering over her, but he checked in on her more often than usual, he always made sure to ask if she’d had enough during meal times, if she seemed spacey he asked if she needed to take a break. George wouldn’t deny being more affectionate with her either, in his own way, but it was nothing compared to Lockwood. 

Good god George just wanted them to kiss and be done with it already. Mostly so Lockwood would stop hovering over his shoulder whenever he cooked. 

“Would you knock it off? There is nothing wrong with my food!” George had spent the last few days batting the taller boy away from whatever pot was simmering on the stove and he was getting very tired of it. “Its my nan’s recipe and if you ruin it I won’t cook for you ever again-” “I didn’t say there was anything wrong with it, I’m just curious if the amount of salt might give Luce a headache.”

George let his head flop back dramatically. That’s what this is all about. “Well, for your information, Lucy happened to tell me that salt actually helps.” At that Lockwood whipped around, looking mildly offended, which didn’t make Geroge want to laugh at all. Nope, not one bit. “What? Why did she tell you and not me?” 

“Because I asked if there was anything I could do to help or that I needed to change, since I’m the one who does the cooking. She said she likes salt and that it helps a headache before it’s a migraine and she asked if there was any cleaning agents that weren’t as smelly, because sometimes that alone is enough to give her one. And you are itching to write this down aren’t you?” 

At least Lockwood had the decency to look taken aback by the accusation, but in reality yes, he did want to write it down. He had a little list going in a small notebook he kept on him of things he had noticed about Lucy’s headaches since the big one he and George had helped her through. He spent so much time looking at the list that he could visualize it without having to try hard; so far the list went a little something like this:

Sound- earplugs??

-sudden noises

-highpitched noises; screaming visitors are the worst

Too much sleep- lucy is nocturnal, survives on naps Cold- get a heater for her room; the cold makes her tense up

Peppermint? Potential allergy

And soon he would be adding a new page with things that could help Lucy, like tea and other hot drinks, salt apparently, and caffeine. The girl drank so much caffeine that it was almost cause for concern. Instead of telling all of this to George, who would undoubtedly poke fun and tell him that he was in love with Lucy, which he wasn’t- 

Not that there was anything wrong with someone being in love with Lucy, she was very lovable. And he did love her in the you’re my family and I would die for you unquestioningly kind of way; which now that he thought about it could be misconstrued in a romantic sense, but he would also die for George without a second thought if it came down to it. Though he did put extra effort into making sure Lucy knew that he, and George, loved her. He wasn’t sure what happened before she came to London, but he knew enough to piece together that it wasn’t good and that she didn’t ever want to go back. And she seemed so starved for love, so sue him if he wanted to make sure she never felt that way when he had anything to say about it. Oh god. He did love Lucy. And he had been quiet for far too long and George was looking at him funny. So he scoffed. “No. I don’t want too write it down. I’m just concerned because one of my agents is suffering and I want to make sure that I am adequately prepared to help when necessary.” George cocked an eyebrow at that. “Mmmhmm sure, you keep telling yourself that.”

[aerkame]

How do you get so good at writing? I mean, how do you write and not reuse the same words over and over again?

Sorry I really felt like doodling a dragon.

But to answer your question, lots of studying.

It may not be what you want to hear, but studying how others write and learning the structures of paragraphs can become helpful when you write stories on your own or just writing in general. Another good piece of advice that I can give is to always practice writing whenever you can and make sure you check your grammar. Grammar is VERY important in your writing and having poor or inconsistent grammar can become distracting to some readers.

Pacing how you write things is also important when it comes to writing in general or just writing for fanfictions. Try to imagine yourself speaking what you wrote down. Does it sound like something a person would say or does it sound too forced and odd? Practice conversations in your own head or out loud (whichever works best) and pay attention to your own wording. Just make sure no one is around when you do that, you might look a bit off having full conversations with no one in sight.

Another important thing you must keep in mind is who is your audience when writing and what are you writing for. For example, I write for Transformers Animated/Prime and Welcome Home currently. I need to keep in mind what each and every character is like to try and make sure they all stay in character through interactions and point of views. This applies to shipping as well (the romance of two characters).

If you got the previous advice down, then that's great! But if you wish for advice on writing styles then I suggest saving and studying the fanfictions of others. This is something that I myself do when I find a fanfiction that has themes I wish to get better at. I copy and paste each chapter into a Google Drive to re-read later and take notes on specific sentences I'm looking for. Good writing to look out for are fanfictions that depict grammar well, the writing is able to give you a good visual on what the character is seeing, or other examples of sensory being used. You could also look into saving bits of a writing that show character interactions and study how they write actions.

Aside from all of that, make sure to take care of yourself and take breaks between writing to avoid writing fatigue. No, seriously, being physically healthy helps a lot more than you think it does. Sometimes if I'm tired from having stayed up late I will notice my writing becomes sloppy compared to what I normally write. The same can be said for when I'm sick, have headaches, or just overall being unwell. A healthy body is a healthy mind.

[01turnkill]

2024 Media Post Time - Master

15. Class of '09

Class of '09 So for reasons I think should be too obvious I kinda thought Kylar was hot as fuuuck. Yeah it's probably because he's a rapey white racist homophobic fratboy type who I would want to get shafted but you know how it is with me... If he's too nice I need him gone, if he's too horrible I need him gone. Fuck him up. Good thing he gets his legs ruined twice (the roof and the meds mixing) and or dies, and you know how I feel about guys I like dying. Not a big deal but persistent thought in the back of my head the whole time...

So a couple of friends talked about this game and I was hand sewing gloves and doing whatever so I had some time to watch it and also since it's fully voiced I could put it on in the background and pay attention entirely. I would have considered playing it but my computer is still broke and I hate my phone.

It's about Nicole, after a messed up upbringing moving to a new school, gets immersed in drug addiction, needing to never be sober, teen life and interacting with some of the worst people in the vicinity. It's described as an anti-dating sim since Nicole brings her negative manipulative energy into every relationship she's in. Like the unappetising flavour of a cantaloupe...

Teenage girls walking a tightrope over a pool of hungry pedophile sharks and white boys. Amazing voice performance from all the characters. The men sound stupid, the girls talk like junkies in a teen drama show and very realistic too, and the teachers and half of the guys talk like anime or South Park characters.

Another story to me where the women are very humanised and the men are like objects from top to bottom. I was even surprised there were so many different male tropes to choose from.

The story with Emily is very beautiful and makes a lot more sense than some of the others. Emily gets attached to Nicole, goes off her meds and her unregulated self proves to be more dangerous than Nicole wants to take seriously. I think this route is a situation where Nicole is less of the aggressor. Emily gets unhealthy attached to Nicole to the point where she's violent at every chance and at the end thinks they only have one choice left and it's dying together.

Another favourite was Nicole seducing Hunter to get revenge on Megan and I guess I like that one because it was kinda hot in ways 'steal your man' story. She gets Hunter to write stuff on his body and send photos of his dick and whatever. But he's also a Christian and I guess has no sense of mind about this kind of stuff. Proves Nicole quite the schemer and then she sends everyone his nudes and Megan finds out and it ruins her life and her relationships with men for the future.

The art style makes me laugh. It's so anime that it feels satirical and I guess it's meant to? I used to love these satirical VNs years ago, Kusoge and a few others. Never got enough of them so I have some nostalgia for this presentation. Women with the dewdrop eyes and wrists thinner than a piece of paper and then there's all the geezers.

There's the original game, simply Class of '09 and then Class of '09: The Re-Up and I watched both. Original is her first year in this new school and Re-Up is the second but they're quite different. The first seems really edgy for sure. School shooter, lots of suicide, racist cult, Mein Kampf mentioned etc. Re-Up gets edgy with Nicole being shot by a cop, her mom dying after they abuse her last pill, and burning down a gay girl's house. I guess it's pretty comparable but a lot of the endings felt more artful and made more sense. Less outlandish than the first game. . Nicole is also a little less cruel in the original. In Re-Up she really comes into her own, is a lot more divisive and shit stirring like I think a lot of her drama and predicaments are self made as opposed to being something she walked into. I think her voice performance is also more fierce and impressive in Re-Up.

These days the edgy stuff doesn't matter to me but I thought some of it was funny like all of the pedo teacher's dialogue and line delivery. Also laughed so hard at Kylar being hospitalised and the EMT looking for his big gulp jug and the dialogue in general is funny I was always laughing. The situational comedy is a little less frequent in impressing me but in Re-Up I think it's a lot better. Karen skeeting scene, at the sex addict rehab, all of that.

I think it's pretty good and really well written but I dare not call it peak or life changing or anything like that but it has given me some stuff to think about especially for writing a more realistically based story (even though it's clearly exaggerated) there are some truths to be seen. I guess you can tell the writer clearly loves South Park.

[talimlbcnart]

Fiquei muito feliz em conhecer seu trabalho e saber que temos outros brasileiros (já que a maioria que encontrei que falavam português eram de Portugal), eu amei muito sua arte e forma de construir a narrativa, mal posso esperar para o próximo capítulo de Miraculous Bnha.

Mas eu queria te perguntar, como você cria as comics, pois eu tenho planejamento de uma, mas é minha primeira vez, e bem... é melhor pedir dicas para quem está mais acostumado com isso. Pode responder em inglês se preferir.

Aww, thank you <3. (Eu vou responder em Inglês já que a maioria dos meus seguidores não falam Português).

To be fair, I don't know if you meant to ask like how I come up with ideas or how I draw the panels for the comics and such. So I'll try to answer both.

Coming up with Ideas:

Usually when I start a comic I think about it for some time, I come up with some scenes I'm my head first (and the basic "lore" for it if its an AU) and just have fun imagining different scenarios. Most of the time I take inspiration from other people's ideas or even my everyday experiences.

When its a long comic tho (SuAU, RoommatesAU, etc.) I prefer to write it on my phone. The dialog, describe the scene. It's not always that I can sit down and draw it, so I prefer to write it so I don't forget my ideas.

Drawing:

This is the most fun but also difficult part. My best advice is: have fun with it.

Try diferent angles, use as much reference as you want, take inspiration from other artists's comics and styles.

You don't have to make it perfect on the first try, that's why we make sketches. Sometimes I sketch 6 pages in a row and keep all of it, sometimes I change 70% of it. I love sketching, its a fun and quick way to put your ideas in the paper without having to worry if looks good or not.

When doing panels, pay close attention to what yours caracthers are doing. If they are waving in a panels the next one they should be in the middle putting their hand down. This helps the reader to not get lost on what is happening.

That's why I don't like to re-use panels, I feel like it takes the reader out of the story and make them remember "oh yeah, this is just a drawing."

Immersive Scene:

Another thing I love to do is incorporate simple day to day behaviors in the caracthers. I like to imagine my comics as just a bunch of screenshots. The action is happening and you're trying to take pictures of it. Think about how you and the people around you would act if put in the scenarios the caracther's you're drawing are.

Exemple: Two caracthers are having a conversation and one isn't paying attention. How do I show that to the reader? Maybe they have their head resting on their hand, looking away from the caracther who's speaking. Maybe they are playing with something or checking their phone.

Another thing I try to pay attention to is the background. Are the surroundings important to the story?

If yes, try to draw some background so the readers know where the caracthers are. Is it night or day? Are they inside or outside?

First Exemple: my roommates au comic, I wanted to introduce the audience to their apartment, so I'm made sure the FIRST panel was focused more on the background. Then some simpler panels after and the last one was to show their kitchen (that was covered in the first panel).

Second Exemple: My valentines day comic, I wanted to show that it was cold and they were outside but I didn't want to disctract people from Deku's face expressions and the fact that Shouto's jacket was too big for him. So I'm put light blue and white on the background and a bunch of snowflakes on top of everything else. It showed they were outside, it's was cold, and Deku's was tiny compared to his friend. I didn't have to draw an entire street for that, heck I didn't even draw panels on that one.

Painting:

Colors can add so much to your story. And it doesn't have to be lots of it either. Sometimes sticking with just one pallet can work to your advantage. It saves time and helps to convey the feeling you're going for.

It's a sad scene? Desaturated colors, mostly blues and purples.

A happy scene? Light yellows, greens and whites.

A warm, cozy scene? Light reds, yellows and oranges.

Watching some videos on color theory might help too, especially when doing shadows and stuff.

Anyway this is all I can think of. I hope it helped. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask, I'd love to answer them.

[theharrowing]

MY CHELL!!!!!!!

i read this review back when you posted it but life has been so hectic that i haven't had a chance to respond 😭😭😭 but i am here now and so excited to see (once again) what you have to say.

that ursula gif tho 💀💀💀

how i picture you wiggling in your seat:

you know, i hadn't fully considered the image of Taehyung in a balaclava, but now that you mention it..........................yes.

Stroll in with a pair of bloody chopsticks and a simple, “Darling”...what a charmer.

lolol idk why this is so funny to me.

definitely manipulative to bring Jimin along. i did my best to paint it as him bringing the whole crew as man power but those of you who've been paying attention know that Jimin is not a fighter, and that at the end of the day, he is absolutely a bargaining chip.

MC comparing Yoongi and Ryujin hurts. I can see what she means but damn does it hurt to admit it. After all is said and done, Yoongi is a shady ass dude with a shaky track record in love. The way he goes about things aren’t always clear and are often very infuriating.

yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. sigh lmao. this is something i have been anticipating showing for a long time and i am glad you had thoughts.

i actually had other plans for Ateez, but i scrapped some chunks of my outline that i didn't think suited the story anymore and lost those characters in the process. now they are heeerrrreeeee haha. i also think they fit the vibe, honestly.

I love that you can include such innocent and cute scenes in between the death, sorrow and destruction. 

that's what i do hehehe.

The one on one talk went a lot better than I thought it would. MC needed to let those tears out with Yoongi and I’m more at ease that he is willing to wait for her mental health to get better. Healing takes time and having him/the guys not push for her to come home too soon means a lot.

....................we'll see how this thought has aged in chapter 24 lmao. i know you will have WORDS.

There is a subtle shift in the family dynamics or I could just be reading too much into it but with Seokjin’s bullshit out in the open, it seems to me that everyone is a little more relaxed. Not as on edge with being alive. 

you are so observant 🥰🥰🥰

your observations re: ryujin & yoongi (and ryujin & mc) are on point. definitely nothing is black and white but where are the lines drawn, and where are they grey???

I hope Yoongi puts a fucking bullet in Ryujin’s skull, right between her eyes! This slimy two-faced bitch! Harmless my ass! I want to reach through the screen and punch Ryujin myself!

THANK YOU FOR READINGGGGGGG!!!!!!!! you will get answers soon but i wonder if you will also have more questions. my hope is that from chapter 24 on, all we are doing is answering questions and letting all of the pieces finally fall into place. it's.................going to be a mess haha. SEE YOU SOOONNNN!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😍🥰💜😍🥰💜

Collateral 🗡️ 23: This life of death and destruction

Your ex-boyfriend gets in over his head working for the local mafia, and Boss Min has come to collect his payment: You.

But was it simply a matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time? Or has he always had his sights on you?

🗡️ Yoongi x Female Reader x Namjoon

🗡️ word count: 13.6k

🗡️ mafia au, strangers to lovers, graphic violence, major character injury, poly, smut, angst, fluff, nsfw, explicit 21+ 

🗡️warnings: violence (a man gets stabbed in the eye, weaponized chopsticks, blood); recreational drug use & getting drunk; vomit.

🗡️note: are we ready to continue this story??? the cast of characters has doubled in size, and i think the angst & drama has multiplied, as well. i wrote this opening scene on april 20, 2023 moments after watching the Haegeum mv. it feels good to have finally built the rest of the chapter around it over a year later. this chapter is like 80% dialogue, lol sorry. we are setting up for what is to come in the rest of the fic. enjoyyy!!!

🗡️ also note: in this chapter, mc is borrowing clothing. if you are comfortable with imagining the clothing belongs to the thin kpop idols, please do. if you are not, then please don't. i am not making assumptions or allusions to body size but instead trying to paint a picture of being at the mercy of others.

🗡️ if you have not read the Yoongi POV chapter, i strongly recommend you do so before reading this.

🗡️ beta read by @neoneunnajimin

🗡️ posted sept. 2024 | read on ao3

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“He looks hesitant,” Ryujin drawls in a bored tone. She turns to face you and her lips upturn at the edges, eyes sparkling. “Like he’s scared of what he may find when he gets here.”

The air is stiflingly hot, creating a sticky film over your skin, and your body feels heavier than it should. In this humidity, you are dizzy and agitated. More than anything, you are not ready to come face to face with the man who has caused you so much confusion and mental duress.

“Good,” you say, fighting the urge to roll your eyes. Your fingers dig into your hip bones, and you do your best not to shuffle anxiously. You do not fully believe in your conviction, but you want your performance to be believable enough that the girls don't think you're weak. “He should be.”

“Looks like he brought all the family men,” she adds, turned back to watch their approach. 

Your heart flutters suddenly, wondering whether she means Jimin is there too, unable to hide the tremble in your voice as you ask, “A-all of them?”

This time, when Ryujin faces you, her expression appears contemplative, almost sad. 

“All of them,” she confirms, causing nausea and excitement to stir. 

All you can say in response is, “Oh.”

Before you can stop yourself, your feet are carrying you forward, toward the window. You do not fully approach, not wanting to be seen, so you stop as soon as you spot them walking in the street toward the noodle shop downstairs that doubles as your hideout. 

Seven figures approach in a V formation. Six of them wear ratty dark t-shirts and khaki pants, and they hold what look like juvenile weaponry—baseball bats and chains. Over their heads are balaclavas, reminding you of Christian's men. Is it meant to taunt him, you wonder. Do they think they will find him and his men here?

Yoongi is in the center, leading the charge, with no face covering and wearing a baby blue satin bomber jacket with thick white lines down the sleeves. On the breasts of the jacket are embroidered dragon heads, reminding you of Namjoon. 

Namjoon. The thought of seeing him again, like this, makes your insides stir. You feel the urge to vomit, but you hold your ground and watch as the men approach, wearing a frown on your lips. 

When the heads disappear from sight, you turn and listen for the silence that lingers in the air, save for the thrum of your pulse. A calm before a terrible storm.

Ryujin lets out a long, loud trill of a whistle—a signal, no doubt—and you listen as the 

hideout breaks out into chaos. Men scramble through the short hallway that leads out into the open space that Yoongi and his men will soon enter. 

"No guns!" Ryujin commands as she stomps through the space toward the hallway, clad in a white tank top tucked into a short black tennis skirt and tall leather equestrian boots. "You are on the defense only. Do not harm a single hair on any of these men's bodies. Do so and you die!"

As you stand near the window, you listen to the street commotion below. Vehicles drive along the narrow roads, vendors shout while ringing bells and chimes, and in the distance, a dog barks. 

You know that you will not hear the men's approaching footfalls, but you listen for them, anyway. Yoongi and the family men only need to walk through the small dining hall of the open-air restaurant below, then up a flight of stairs. You hear nothing that might give their positions away. 

"Wanna hide?" Hwasa—the nickname of your darling friend Hyejin—asks. She rests her chin on your shoulder and loosely wraps her arms around you, engulfing you in a perfume of roses and lilies.

You shake your head and mutter, "No," watching the doorway for any movement.

Finally, heavy footfalls echo through the space, giving you goosebumps, and when you hear the sounds of shouting followed by someone running into the room, you hold your breath. 

"Fuck, fuck!" a man yells as he rounds the corner and cowers, shaking like a leaf in the wind. He seems to be patting himself down for a weapon, then he sighs and squeezes his eyes closed as he presses his back to the wall. 

"Ya!" Hwasa yells, making the man gasp. "What is it?"

"B-big Duri," the man stammers, eyes wide. He shakes his head quickly as if attempting to clear away his thoughts. 

Duri is a hulk of a man who stands watch at the top of the stairs. He is as muscular as he is tall, with a bit of softness around his belly, and his towering status has earned him the title Big Duri from the other men. One snarl from him makes men cower away in fear.

"What about him?" Hwasa asks.

"He was s-stabbed," the man says, staring at the floor. "In the f-f-fucking eye."

Hwasa drops her arms from around you and stands up straight. You open your mouth to speak but find no sound can pass your lips. 

Footfalls approach, heavy and fast. You are not sure who you expect storming in from the hallway, but for some reason, it is not Yoongi. 

He walks in assuredly like he owns the place, dark hair framing his face in waves. Clenched in his right fist are two bright red chopsticks that look like the ones served at the restaurant downstairs, and you could swear the thinner ends of them are dripping with blood. 

"Darling, let's go," Yoongi says, wide eyes fixed on you. He looks like a madman with his hair somewhat disheveled and a sheen of sweat on his throat.  

You are surprised to see Yoongi dressed as he is. Under the pastel jacket is a white tee tucked into loose-fitting blue jeans. When was the last time you saw him in blue jeans? Your first trip to Hong Kong?

You heavy-blink, breaking from the thought process, and attempt to hold steady and keep cool. But you do not feel cool. Your pulse quickens, and you worry you might faint. 

"I'm staying here," you say, voice trembling. 

You half expect Yoongi to storm over and grab you by the arm. Part of you even feels saddened when he stays where he is. 

"Darling," Yoongi says, lifting his free hand to wave you over. "I'm not asking you twice."

"How many men did you kill out there?" you ask, eyes on the chopsticks that drip blood beside his dusty white sneaker. Yoongi's arm drops to his side and he heaves a weighty sigh, shoulders falling. 

Behind Yoongi, Ryujin saunters in. She grins and stands beside Yoongi, resting her head against his shoulder as she reaches for the bloodied chopsticks in his fist, saying, "You owe me a bodyguard."

Yoongi—whose eyes never leave you—throws the chopsticks to the floor, off to the side. They clatter against the uneven wood, and you wince at the thought of blood splattering. 

He mutters, "Fine." 

With that admission, you surmise that Yoongi has, indeed, stabbed Big Duri in the eye. How he managed to do so when he is so much smaller than the man is beyond you. You would be amused by the visual of Yoongi leaping onto him like a kitten if the situation were not so infuriating. 

Slowly, Ryujin lifts her head from Yoongi's shoulder. She turns her gaze to you as she says, "She doesn't want this life, Yoongi. She told you so, herself."

"Darling," Yoongi says, seemingly ignoring Ryujin, making her roll her eyes. "I will make some changes. We will figure it out. Just come home."

You shake your head. "I told you I wanted to leave."

"You are in danger," Yoongi insists, and you scoff. For the first time since you have arrived to this dingy place, there has been no hint of violence until he turned up. 

As Yoongi sighs, his nostrils flair. You can clearly see that he has something on his mind, but he remains still and silent. 

Anger rises, and you clench your fists at your sides. This is not the reunion you expected, but you cannot say you are shocked. "I told you I no longer want this life, and the first thing you do is stab a man—a good man!"

"Darling, I—" 

"Go home," you interrupt. 

Yoongi watches you, expression cold save for a flicker of sadness in his eyes. Every nerve in your body wants to propel you forward and into his arms, but you do not want to return to the home of a maniac who attacks men with chopsticks, beautiful as that maniac may be. 

"I have told you time and again that I cannot handle this life of death and destruction! And here you are, bringing it straight to my feet. Go home, Yoongi."

Yoongi tongues the inside of his cheek, raising his eyebrows. In the doorway, you see Namjoon appear, balaclava raised to his forehead. His dark grey tee is smeared with sweat and blood, and before he can open his mouth to speak, you turn around. There is absolutely no way you will be able to keep your strength if you are forced to face any more of them. 

"She wants you to leave," Hwasa says. You are grateful for her as you hear the heels of her boots against the rickety hardwood. "Now!"

"I want to speak to her," Namjoon says, and you are surprised to hear Yoongi say, "She does not wish to speak. Come on."

As their deep, low voices mutter, tears fill your eyes. You breathe in deeply, hoping to ward them off, but as you exhale, the air comes out shattered, and you know that you are only moments away from crying. 

"Tomorrow night, we can sit down and discuss matters," Ryujin says. 

You keep your eyes on the late afternoon sky, hanging on her every word. 

"Amicably," she continues. "No weapons. No hot tempers. And you have a man en route to Busan to take Duri's place when we arrive. Deal?"

"All of us?" Namjoon asks, and you fight the edges of your lips, which curl into a sad smile. 

Ryujin sighs. "Yes, all seven of you sordid little devils. Now get the fuck out of my hideout. You gave our darling a scare and I will not have her fainting because of it. I will send you a time and place, and you will show up dressed as respectable men. Seriously, what the fuck are you guys wearing? You look like trash."

Ryujin's voice fades as she continues to berate them, footsteps retreating, and it occurs to you once more that somewhere out in the chaos is Jimin. You turn, and the movement causes Yoongi's head to lift and eyes to open wide and expectantly, standing halfway in the hallway. You were not expecting him to still be here. To your disappointment, Namjoon has already left the room.

"Is Jimin here?" you ask. 

Relief floods Yoongi's face, and he cracks a smile, nodding as he says, "Yes. Come see him."

You shake your head, blinking back the tears that threaten to fall. 

"Glad he's awake," you say. "Perhaps I will see you all tomorrow." 

Yoongi's expression turns sad, and you watch as he mouths the word perhaps before you turn your attention back to the window. The sound of his shoes retreating makes you want to throw up, and you swallow it down as a single tear streaks your left cheek. 

* * *

Ryujin lies on a large fur rug that she has pulled near the window. Atop the rug is a mess of blankets and pillows, and her limbs tangle with those of Hwasa and the other three girls. 

You sit arrow straight on the wide window sill, staring at the street below. The sky slowly darkens, illuminating the buildings with an orange glow that is exaggerated by the neon lights on each restaurant and storefront. 

"Yes, Yoongi," Ryujin says into her phone, playful irritation in her tone. "I swear to you there is nobody by that name in our ranks. Seokjin-oppa has already warned me about his possible presence."

You listen, hoping to hear traces of Yoongi's voice coming through the phone, but you know that it is hopeless; his dulcet tones do not exactly travel far even while in the same room as him. Muffled and at a distance, the notion is hopeless.

"You know," Ryujin continues, "you would have less to worry about if you hadn't stabbed my most trusty security guard in the fucking eye with a chopstick."

Her words make you wince, and you turn away from the window, staring at the empty wall opposite where Ryujin and the girls rest. The floral wallpaper is peeled in places and tinted brown from water damage, but otherwise, the space is clean and empty, save for six suitcases and the items Ryujin has brought in and strewn about for comfort. 

Outside of this room is a hallway that connects to more rooms, though you have not bothered to look into any of them, save for the bathroom, which is the first room to the right as you exit this one. Whatever this hideout was originally built for, you do not know, and you do not care, although you imagine at least one of the rooms could serve as office space for the restaurant below. 

A shrill laugh barks through the air, making you jump. You gaze over your shoulder to find Ryujin's head tilted back, eyes closed as she full-body laughs. 

"Don't be a fucking idiot," she says, opening her eyes to meet your gaze. "No scrub in clown paint is going to buy our little darling from me. Now get some sleep; we'll talk about this tomorrow evening, as promised."

Something about Ryujin calling you our little darling sends a chill along your spine, and you turn back to staring at nothing. She ends the call abruptly, and you hear as her phone clatters against the wooden floor, undoubtedly tossed aside. 

"Darling," Ryujin calls, voice soft and pretty, causing your shoulders to rise to your ears as if protecting you—from what, you are unsure. 

You swallow hard. "Hmm?"

Ryujin giggles. "Come. You're so tense. Relax with us."

She is correct that you are tense. You have been tense for days. When you got into her car at the airport, she said you would be here for two or three days, but it is going on a week, and you are tired of sleeping on rugs in a pile of bodies. You want to return to a bed. Any bed. 

As you turn to face Ryujin and the others, you are struck by a sense of homesickness and longing that makes your stomach churn. Hwasa and three slender beauties called Solar, Wheein, and Moonbyul crowd Ryujin, who sits up on her elbows, gaze fixed on you.

Hwasa's head is against Ryujin's left shoulder, near her breast, and she watches you, as well, gaze soft but pleading. Moonbyul, with her long, straight hair lightened to a pale gold blonde, has her head on Hwasa's tummy, curled in on her. The other two are resting similarly, with Solar clinging to Ryujin and Wheein clinging to Solar, long dark hair draped over limbs which are draped over more limbs clad in white cotton and black spandex. 

You watch them in their near-stillness, questioning where you would fit. Clearly, the five of them are tight. They call her mother, and she proudly dotes on them as if they are her precious children.

Ordinarily, you wait for everyone to begin dozing off, then you curl up on one of the outside edges, back turned from whichever woman is beside you. But you know that Ryujin wants you to be physically close to her—you can tell by the way she watches you.

What would physical closeness to a woman like her entail, you wonder. 

"So shy," Ryujin pouts. "So moody."

Hwasa, as if mirroring her energy, juts out her bottom lip. 

Ryujin tilts her head, studying you. "What does the lady require to help take the edge off?"

Although she is not explicitly saying so, you know that she is offering pills. Every day that you do not give in and crawl to Ryujin and her pile of women, she assumes it is due to some defect in your ability to relax. In a way, you suppose, she is correct. 

"Going home would take the edge off," you respond, voice flat and lacking all mirth.

Ryujin sighs, and her pretty, impish smile falls into a dramatic frown. "I, too, would like to go home. And I promise that we will, soon. Yoongi is convinced there is some third party attempting to track you down, and he has been insistent on weeding the man out. He seems to think that you are safest while remaining in hiding. I, however, think we are sitting ducks."

You hum and nod.

She sits up ever so slightly, causing the clinging women to shift along with her movement. "What do you think?"

What do you think? Such a simple, innocent question, yet it stirs an anger in you that is so deep, festering in the dark pits of you that are fed by lack of proper comfort and sleep. 

There is a part of you that wants to snap at Ryujin and ask whether she really cares what you think. You want to storm up to her, take her by the straps of her white tank top, and shake some sense into her while demanding she returns you to Korea at once. 

Another part of you worries that Yoongi is being too paranoid to think clearly and that he is making an already strange situation worse. You find it hard to believe Christian has weaseled his way into Taiwan and is lying in wait to pounce, if that is what the phone call just now suggests.

But, then again, you never would have imagined Christian would show up with a briefcase of money, nor did you expect to see him turning up to the mansion in the middle of the night. Still, the notion feels ridiculous. You're not in Korea anymore. 

You shrug, purse your lips as if you are thinking it over, and say, "I don't really know."

Truth be told, you are exhausted, catapulting emotionally from one extreme to another, finding it impossible to truly relax. You are not sure whether Ryujin has done anything to deserve your vitriol; she has kept you safe and fed, even if you are slowly succumbing to exhaustion-induced hysteria. 

Her history with Yoongi notwithstanding, she appears reasonable and kind. It is hard to hate her for her past when it has opened up Yoongi's arms to you—for better or worse. It is not as if you regret the time you have spent with him.

And, if you are being honest, you wonder whether the transgression between them was as simple as the men put it, or if there is more to her side of the story. Surely, she did not wake up one day and decide to betray the man she loved.

Or, perhaps, she is charming you the way Yoongi did. What better way to tame a wild beast than to uproot it from the comfort and safety it has grown accustomed to and force it into close proximity, giving it no other choice than to be grateful and eventually feel some semblance of love toward its captor. Maybe she and Yoongi have more in common than you realize.

The thought makes you snicker, and you stand, taking notice of how Ryujin lifts her chin and watches you. Hwasa stirs and sits up, causing Moonbyul to roll off of her with a groan and clench onto the pillow below her.

"Going to the bathroom," you say.

Hwasa stands as Ryujin sing-songs, "Buddy system," causing you to smile and roll your eyes. 

You are not allowed to do anything outside of this room—including taking a shit—without the accompaniment of one of the girls. Lucky for you, Hwasa is always willing and eager to be close.  

Hwasa tiptoes over and snakes an arm around your elbow, momentarily resting her head on your shoulder as the two of you walk. You have come to enjoy her company quite a bit, and you are relieved to have her here. 

While it was shocking to lay eyes on Hwasa after your plane landed in Taiwan, she was very clear and open about her circumstances, and you found it easy to trust her. According to her, Seokjin and Jimin gave her the position at Paradise knowing she was one of Ryujin's women, reminding you of Hyunjin and how he and his family were safe, after all. 

Yoongi may not have been working directly with Ryujin this entire time, but it seems that his men have been. And, judging by how comfortable he seemed with letting Ryujin touch him and boss him around earlier, you do not suspect that he harbors the same ill thoughts that he seemed to when you first encountered her all those months ago. 

You wonder what has changed. Has it been your presence in his life, or something more? After all the destruction Ryujin's team has caused Yoongi's family over the last several months, ending with Jimin in a coma, some sort of truce had to have been made. You have heard whispers of conversations, but you are curious about the specifics. It seems the woman who was at the helm of the destruction, Hyungseo, is not here. 

In due time, you think. You have no doubt Ryujin will open up to you.

As you and Hwasa leave the room and venture quietly into the hall, two armed men look up from the game of Chinese checkers that they play on the floor, and smile. They are beautiful, and you smile back, yanking your gaze away from them before you are able to make any more of an impression on either of them.

Admittedly, you are lonely. Physically, emotionally, sexually…and there is something in the gleams of their eyes that stirs you deeply, but you know that it is not them who do it for you. 

It is their eyes. They share the same piercing, knowing gaze of hunger and brutality that glimmers in the eyes of the family men. Your family men. 

"I think Yunho likes you," Hwasa teases, voice loud enough for him to undoubtedly hear, though you do not turn back to look. 

Instead, you press your palm against the cold metal door leading into the small bathroom and sheepishly ask, "Which one is he, again?"

A snicker comes from the floor, undoubtedly from Yunho's companion Seonghwa, and you turn as you enter the dimly lit room, grinning widely at your friend. The bathroom door swings shut, and the scents of toilet cleaner and bleach sting your nose. 

There are three toilet stalls in this room with mint green painted metal doors. The walls are a similar shade of green, and the yellow and white tiles on the floor are chipped in places.

You make your way to the sinks straight ahead and turn on the water, which is always cold, and run your hands under the stream. On the counter, in the corner, is a large black makeup case containing travel-sized toiletries for yourself and the rest of the women, and you open its lid and rummage around for your toothbrush and toothpaste. 

"How are you holding up?" Hwasa asks as you unscrew the cap from the toothpaste and squeeze a small dollop of its contents onto your bristles, careful not to take too much. 

You shrug, and rather than respond, raise the brush to your mouth. The mint is cloyingly sweet as it hits your taste buds, and you close your eyes, worried that its minty sting may tangle with your emotions and cause tears to well.

"Will you be joining Ryujin to meet with them for dinner tomorrow?"

Without opening your eyes, you begin to shake your head, not sure whether you can handle sitting at the same table with all of them. But then Jimin's bright, gleaming smile crosses your mind, and you shrug and nod. You may as well. 

Hwasa chuckles, and her hands rest softly on your shoulders before giving a gentle squeeze. All at once, you relax, dropping your shoulders and tipping your head forward, instinctively giving her permission to do anything she would like. 

As you finish brushing your teeth and tongue, she squeezes your muscles and rolls her thumbs in circles. You hold the small plastic brush between your teeth, feeling a dribble of frothy, minty spit roll down your lip to your chin, and you rest your palms against the counter until Hwasa lifts her hands away. 

"I suppose I should brush my teeth, too," she says with a pout in her tone, and you open your eyes to see her squirting some paste onto a matching toothbrush that she has written AH on in large letters for Ahn Hyejin. 

You spit, rinse, and spit some more, then use the inside of your sweaty black tank top to dab the moisture from the edges of your mouth. When Hwasa is finished, the two of you link arms once more and make your way out of the bathroom, ignoring Yunho and Seonghwa as you walk by. 

The rest of the girls, led by Ryujin, walk by in a fit of soft giggles, and you make your way to the pile of blankets and pillows, feeling physically exhausted despite being uncertain of whether you may actually be able to sleep. 

Hwasa follows and lies down beside you, beaming as she scoots nice and close and wraps an arm around your waist before you have a chance to roll away and face the wall. 

"Not so fast," she says, causing you to chuckle despite yourself. "You always roll away. Snore in my face for once."

Affronted, you attempt to wiggle out of her hold, surprised by how strong she is as she holds you in place. "I do not snore."

Hwasa rolls her eyes, says, "Everyone snores a little," and wiggles closer as her hold on you loosens—so close your noses nearly touch.

You feel too warm, and the scent of Hwasa's perfume mingling with her body heat stirs something inside you, filling you with the urge to flee. You are lonely, and she is beautiful and soft, and suddenly it feels as if all the air has been sucked from the room.

At a loss, you close your eyes. Whether you roll your body away or continue to face her, she will not create more distance because she cannot. As soon as the other girls return, they will pile into the bed, and you will feel the weight of ankles and wrists drape over you. 

"Good night, pretty dove," Hwasa sing-songs. 

You crack a smile, unable to hold back despite how dangerous it feels to allow yourself to be anything but stoic and collected for the time being. The nickname reminds you of Paradise and of Jimin, and you are unable to hold back. 

"Good night, Hyejin," you mutter in response, forgetting her nickname for the familiar one as her warmth and comfort lulls you fast into a sleep you did not expect to come. 

You actually feel…good.

* * *

The rattle and clanking of dishes and silverware have all of your nerves on high alert, causing your pulse to spike and your palms to sweat. You are acutely aware of the fact that at any moment, several men you miss and adore are going to come walking into the private dining room to join you, Ryujin, and Hwasa, and you are going to have to face them.

Each time a member of the serving staff enters, your eyes dart up in panic, and each time they bow apologetically, confusion painted across their features. Under the table, from your right, Hwasa grips onto your hand and mutters kind words that are lost over the pounding of your heart. 

When your trio arrived first, you were grateful. You assumed that by the time you waited on the arrival of the men, your nerves would have calmed and you would have composed yourself. 

But you were wrong. Oh, how you were wrong. 

With each passing second, your heart riots behind your ribs, quick and dizzying. You feel the urge to excuse yourself to the bathroom, but you are terrified of what it may do to Yoongi if he arrives to find that you are not sitting at this table. 

Food and drink are brought in. Large dishes covered in steaming meat, vegetables, rice, and noodles. Carafe after carafe is set down, and as you sit forward to peer into one of them, Hwasa says, "That is kaoliang. Fermented liquor from China." Your mouth begins to water, but you are not sure you are ready just yet to start drinking. 

Shadows linger outside the door to the private room, tall and wide blobs obscured by the privacy glass. Ryujin glances at her watch, mutters, "Fucking finally," and stands, causing Hwasa to stand as well. 

You remain glued to your seat. Even if you wanted to stand, you are not sure you would be able to. 

As the door slides open, your heart pounds. Seokjin enters with a smirk and a bow of his head, followed by Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung, Jeongguk, Namjoon, and finally, Yoongi. 

Jimin beams, eyes and mouth wide and happy, and he rounds the table in a rush, pushing past Ryujin, who attempts to pull him into a hug. Your eyes fill with tears, and as you finally get onto your feet, legs wobbling beneath you, the tears spill, streaking your cheeks. 

You stumble and crash into the papered wall from the force of Jimin's hug, elbow scraping and stinging, but you do not care. Jimin smells and feels so familiar, and you sob in his arms, burying your face into his black lapel and letting out a deep, shattered breath.

"Oh my god," you manage to mutter against his shoulder, and he tries to loosen the hug to hear you speak, but you shake your head like a petulant child and pull him closer, refusing to let go. "I was so scared, Jimin. I thought I might never— I've missed you so much."

Voices greet one another, and chairs scrape across the floor, signaling that the others have begun to find their seats. This time, when Jimin begins to release the hug, you allow him, dropping your hands from his shoulders but holding them loosely around his hips.

Jimin's eyes are glassy with tears, and hair is slightly longer, almost grown out into a mullet. For the first time since you have met him, it is brown, and you mutter, "Nice hair," while doing your best to smile widely despite still crying. 

He grimaces at you, lifting his hands to thumb away the moisture under your eyes. Then he leans in, kisses the tip of your nose, and says, "All better, dove."

"Thank you," you whisper, sound lodged in your throat, then you release Jimin for good and pivot to take your seat, taking a deep breath before allowing your eyes to fall on the rest of the men. 

To your surprise and dismay, you find Ryujin sitting across from you with her eyebrows raised and a sharp, devious smile playing on her lips. To her left is Hwasa, and to her right is Jeongguk. You do not need to look to see that Yoongi and Namjoon have taken the seats on either side of you because of course, they have. Where else would they be?

But you do look. You sweep the sprawling rectangular table, starting with Namjoon at your left, then Hoseok, with Seokjin at the far end, where you anticipated Yoongi might sit. Past Seokjin is Taehyung, then Jeongguk, then Ryujin, who is leaning to the side and whispering something to Hwasa, whose hand reaches to where Jimin sits on the other far end. 

Jimin inspects Hwasa's rings and nails, dainty fingers tracing delicate lines. When she turns back to look at him, there are tears in her eyes, and you realize belatedly that she has missed him, as well. Of course, she has.

You do not look at Yoongi, gaze ending with Jimin. Yoongi clears his throat, causing Ryujin to stand, and—feeling uncomfortable with also standing while she speaks—you quickly have a seat. 

Ryujin bows her head, hair pulled in a tight bun at the back of her head. She, matching Hwasa, wears a black suit with a white silk blouse, blending in with the black suits and black satin undershirts the men wear. You are the odd one out in a sleek black evening gown; Ryujin was insistent. At least it, too, is satin. 

"Gentlemen," Ryujin says, and all at once, the men stand, bow their heads, and sit, including Yoongi, who scoots in close beside you. "Thank you for joining us tonight. I trust you have found us a replacement bodyguard?"

Yoongi hums a gruff, low note, and you are acutely aware of his presence by your side. His scent—earthy and musky, ever so slightly tinged with citrus—sneaks past the savory blend of food smells and floods your senses. You swallow a lump of trepidation that has crept its way to your throat. 

"First of all, I would like to thank you for trusting me with taking care of our little darling," Ryujin says, turning to look at Seokjin. She remains standing. "As you are all aware, things between Yoongi and I have not always been easy. But, moving forward, I would like for all of us to remain amicable."

At this, Ryujin's eyes land on Yoongi. She appears fierce and ruthless in the way she looks down at him, lips upturned as if to show that she is enjoying this position of power. 

You glance from the corner of your eye to find that Yoongi peers back up at her, sitting tall on the edge of his seat. His expression is blank, as is to be expected. There is a long pause during which you wish someone would speak or move to eat or drink—anything to cut through the tension.

Finally, Yoongi folds his arms over his chest and sits back, shifting his weight in a more relaxed position. He clears his throat, and you turn your gaze to the piles of meats, vegetables, noodles, and rice. 

It sounds as if Yoongi attempts more than once to speak but struggles to find the words. At this, Namjoon sits forward, pulling your attention to the left, and he asks, "May I?"

Ryujin's face lights up. "Of course, Joonie-oppa. The floor is yours."

"Firstly, thank you for your hospitality. The hideout was certainly difficult to locate—"

Ryujin snickers. At this, Jeongguk stands, facing her, "Look, noona, if you would have answered your phone, we never would have shown up there with—"

"Sit down," Ryujin snaps, turning a playful but intense glare on Jeongguk, whose mouth snaps shut as he takes his seat. Beside him, Taehyung snickers. "I didn't answer my phone because I wanted to converse with her before making any choices, and you idiots acted irrationally."

At the word her, Ryujin lifts her hand and gestures to you, momentarily pulling your gaze. Although you do not glance around, you are certain that all heads turn to look your way, causing you to shift uncomfortably in your seat while you begin watching droplets of condensation streak your water glass.  

"Pardon us for being concerned," Yoongi responds, voice tense and pained. 

This seems to quell whatever emotion that has Ryujin acting defensive, and she slowly takes her seat and reaches for the bottle of kaoliang. All seem to be waiting for her response, and she takes her time lifting her glass to her lips and sitting back in her chair. 

"Nobody faults you for being concerned, oppa. But you need to be more considerate of the reason she has come to me in the first place."

Yoongi must open his mouth to speak once more because Ryujin lifts her hand to stop him before she continues. 

"Yes, I know that you are concerned for her safety, especially in the wake of some mysterious man from her past showing up out of nowhere. But she was already planning on leaving for mental health reasons. So maybe storming in with chopsticks blazing is not the wisest way to reunite with someone who is already shell-shocked from all the other bullshit she has had to witness."

"Some of the bullshit was at the hands of your people," Namjoon interjects. 

Ryujin levels her gaze on him. "The most heinous bullshit, I would imagine. And as you can see, Hyungseo is not present. I am dealing with her, and Seokjin, Yoongi, and I have already discussed ways I can help with harm reduction."

Your gaze moves to the right, to Jimin, and you are surprised to find he is already looking at you. You smile, unable to stop the tears that form from how relieved you are that he is alright. 

"I know that trust has been tarnished between our families, and that myself and my girls have taken things too far," Ryujin admits. "I sent my people out to scare you, and they did so much more than that. I will never stop feeling sorry for what has happened. Not a night has gone by that I have not been filled with regret over someone so precious to all of us becoming seriously injured."

Ryujin lifts an arm, reaches over Hwasa, and holds out her hand to Jimin. He takes it without hesitation. 

"He could have died," Jeongguk says, brows knit in a frown. 

Ryujin sighs. "I know this, Ggukie. And I am so, so sorry. I am determined to quash any bad blood and begin earning your respect. Tomorrow we leave for Busan. Once we are all back home, Serendipity will be opened for a night of drinking, drugs…whatever you heathens do."

To your surprise, many of the men snicker, amused. 

"Seokjin and Hoseok already have a security team on standby so that you are not only relying on my people to keep you safe," Ryujin continues. "The era of family feuding is over. I am happy with my little piece of the peninsula, and I want drug operations to continue in a way that is lucrative for both of us. We will remain your first line of defense in the harbor, and in return, all that I ask is that we get free reign in Seoul to come and go."

Yoongi clears his throat. "If Sunmi-noona will accept the offer, she can be your liaison in the city once more."

At this, a mischievous smirk tugs on Ryujin's lips. She gives Jimin's hand a squeeze before releasing it, then raises both elbows to the table to cradle her chin in her hands. "Tell me, oppa. Why does Sunmi-unnie spit at my feet whenever I mention your name?"

Yoongi says nothing. 

Rather than press him, she winks, then reaches for a large metal spoon and begins to fill her dish. Everyone hesitates, and it is Jeongguk who breaks the tension and follows suit, scooping food onto Taehyung's plate and causing the others to act in kind. You sit still, unsure whether you have an appetite. 

"Darling?" Yoongi asks at the same time two fingers gently caress the back of your arm. 

Your evening gown is a form-hugging halter top with a low back, leaving your skin open to soft, delicate assaults like the ones Yoongi likes to conduct in gentle motions. You flinch but try not to pull your arm away, worried about hurting his feelings.

Yoongi chuckles softly. "Are you not hungry?"

You shake your head but mutter, "I don't know."

"Should I have sat elsewhere?" he asks. He shifts as if he is looking over and around you, and you imagine he is speaking nonverbally to Namjoon. 

The room is too bright, the food and cologne smells are too numerous, and the sounds of voices and silverware and porcelain are too loud. You raise your shoulders to your ears, then turn toward Yoongi, still unable to meet his eye as you ask, "Can we talk somewhere else?"

Yoongi stands, says, "Excuse us for just a moment," and waits for you. 

As you stand, you catch Ryujin's eye. She appears concerned and places her palms on the table as if ready to stand and defend you. 

You nod and say, "We'll be right back," and watch as she relaxes. 

A warm palm presses against your lower back, and Yoongi guides you toward the door, out into a small hallway, and to the left. The restaurant's main dining hall is to the right, and you are thankful to walk in the opposite direction, not sure whether you can handle another person's eyes on you. 

Yoongi walks into an empty private dining room, switches on the light, and holds out his arm for you to enter. As you step inside, you hear him conversing softly with who you assume to be an employee, and then he joins you, closing the door behind him.

As you stand and face the large, empty dining room, you expect Yoongi to touch you or prod you into speaking. Perhaps you expect him to beg you to return home. Instead, he seems to be waiting.

After only a handful of seconds, you decide you cannot take it anymore. Every ounce of you yearns for Yoongi, and knowing he is so close and being so patient has you reeling. You turn and quickly step toward him, reaching for his lapels and burying your face against his chest. He smells like home, and as he wraps his arms around you, warmth fills your chest, and you begin to cry.

"I'm sorry," you say. "I'm sorry I had to leave. I miss you, Yoongi, but I can't stand being there. I can't do it."

"Shh," Yoongi whispers, lips pressing to your temple, causing you to cry harder. It has only been a week, and yet you feel as if you have been away from him for so long. 

"I'm sorry we keep creating distance. I don't know how to make it work out. I'm so scared, Yoongi." You are fumbling, mouth on autopilot, dredging up each time you and Yoongi were apart, feeling somehow responsible for everything despite knowing you have always only done your best. 

"Yesterday was a mistake," Yoongi says, peppering kisses from the crown of your hair to your cheek and back up. "I was terrified and not in my right mind. You left in a frenzy, and then there was that letter, and it all been very confusing—"

You sniffle loudly, letting out a sound that halfway sounds like a laugh. "Oh my god, the letter. I'm so sorry."

Yoongi chuckles, gently grabs your shoulders, and pries you away from his chest. You allow him to move you, and you stand straight but keep your eyes on his black satin shirt. You do not want to see his scar or the pretty way in which his eyes downturn when he is sad. 

His voice is soft and conspiratorial as he says, "I almost killed Seokjin after I found it."

With wide, surprised eyes, you look up, unable to hold back any longer. Yoongi's smile is loving and big, and his eyes sparkle with happiness, making your stomach roil with uncertainty. His scar is still so red against his soft skin, but it adds so much to his allure and beauty.

"I was under the impression you were running away with Barom, what with the timing of it all. You packed a bag, left behind all of our gifts, and disappeared into the night the moment he arrived."

Despite Yoongi's high spirits, you shake your head somewhat desperately. "I wrote it earlier that day, thinking I might run away a night or two later. I was scared that if I said goodbye, I wouldn't be able to leave." Tears build once more, and your body goes limp, hanging against the weight of Yoongi's hands. "Yoongi, I'm so—"

"Alright, no more sorries," Yoongi says, pressing against your shoulders enough to signal that he would like you to stand up and get your shit together. "Seokjin explained your conversations and motives to us already, and I have long since forgiven the both of you. I understand why you felt you had to sneak away. Remember when I went missing in Hong Kong? I was also in the midst of a mental health crisis, darling. I have no hard feelings."

You straighten out and search Yoongi's eyes for any hint of dishonesty, but all you find is a soft, loving gaze looking back at you. With a relieved sigh, you step forward and wrap your arms around him, pressing the side of your cheek against his chest and listening to the steady beat of his heart. 

"I love you," you say, feeling the words fill you with warmth. 

Yoongi drapes one arm over your shoulders and rests his other hand against the back of your head. "I love you, too," he says. "And if you need time and space, I will give it to you. Despite everything, I trust the girls to take good care of you."

"Is it weird?" you ask, pulling out of the hug and stepping back only far enough to see Yoongi's face. His only response is to raise one eyebrow. "Being around her again, I mean. Was she always so bossy?"

Yoongi chuckles and shakes his head. "I suppose it is a little weird, but we were friends first and foremost, and being friendly with her again feels easy. She has not always been that bossy, per se, but she has always been strong-willed enough to face all seven of us down the way she did tonight."

This makes you laugh, and you lean into Yoongi once more, tilting your head to press your lips to his throat, just under his chin. 

"Thank you," you say. Yoongi hums, and you add, "For giving me time and space. For being understanding. That night was a fucking mess, and I have been really scared for what the aftermath may look like."

"No hard feelings," Yoongi repeats. "As long as you are happy."

All at once, you are flooded with myriad thoughts. Are you happy? This last week, while being more or less calm on your nerves, has also been lonely and strange. Would you feel better if you cut your losses and went back home to your men, where everything felt familiar again? Could you cycle through medications until finding the magical cocktail that would allow you to be whole again?

No, you think. Probably not. 

"Are you sure?" you ask, voice soft and uncertain. "I don't know how long I might need. I can't promise—"

Yoongi kisses your forehead, pressing his lips slowly as he hums. He says, "I'm sure. We can figure it out one day at a time."

With everything out in the open, your stomach pangs with hunger. You smile and ask, "Can we go eat now?" and you are delighted when Yoongi smiles with relief and says, "Yes, of course."

With his thumbs, Yoongi rubs below your eyes. His hands linger on your cheeks, and you expect him to lean forward and kiss you, but he drops his hands a beat later, then grabs onto one of yours and asks, "Shall we?"

Yoongi leads the two of you back to the dining room, and as you enter, you are pleased to find the entire table has erupted into pleasant conversation. Jeongguk's arm is draped over Ryujin's chair while Hwasa emphatically tells them a story, and Jimin is leaning close, listening with his chin propped onto his hands. 

Taehyung is explaining something while glancing between Namjoon, Seokjin, and Hoseok, and as you and Yoongi round the table and return, nobody acknowledges the two of you until you take a seat and Namjoon—eyes still on Taehyung—gently places a hand on your knee. 

It is only when you begin to reach for half-empty bowls of food that Namjoon takes your plate in his hand that you realize how long it has been since the two of you have spoken. You are once again overwhelmed with emotion and fight the urge to say sorry a hundred more times. 

Instead, he points with a large metal spoon and says, "Both of these dishes have a tangy garlic sauce, but this one is a bit more spicy."

"I'd like to try both," you say, watching as Namjoon spoons a heap of chicken with vegetables onto your dish, followed by a heap of tofu and peanuts with vegetables in a slightly redder sauce full of chopped red peppers. 

As Namjoon sets your plate in front of you, you reach with your long metal chopsticks with the intent to gather some noodles from a dish that is across from Yoongi, out of Namjoon's reach. However, Yoongi takes the dish and begins to scoop some onto a smaller plate for you, and you sit back with a smile and wait for him to finish. 

"Still having those dreams?" Namjoon asks.

You know in an instant that he is referring to the dream that you wrote about in your letter, and you feel silly as you bite your bottom lip and nod. 

"That has to be really stressful," he says, reaching for a pitcher of water to fill his empty glass. 

You smile sadly, imagining his white shirt filling with blood. It is stressful, but— "On the plus side, I get to see you."

As you lift your gaze to meet Namjoon's, his furrowed brow and wilted frown gently lift, not quite into a smile, but at least something a bit more relaxed. 

"Hi," you say softly, taking in Namjoon's familiar, beautiful face.

His smile widens, creasing his cheeks with dimples. He mutters, "Hey, you," and the soft, dulcet tone of his voice fills your chest with warmth. 

You open your mouth to tell him that you love him. That you miss him. That you're sorry for leaving. So, so sorry. 

But Ryujin loudly asks, "Caviar?" pulling the attention of everyone at the table. 

Behind her, waitstaff hold new plates, and everyone nods in agreement before continuing their conversations. And although you could pour your heart out now, Hoseok steals Namjoon's attention away, and you decide the moment has passed.

Food and drink continue to appear in waves, and suddenly, you are tipsy and full and tired. Namjoon stands to walk around the table and have a quiet conversation with Ryujin, and Jimin seizes the opportunity to steal his seat. He and Jeongguk discuss business operations at Paradise while you rest your head against his shoulder and close your eyes listening to the sound of his voice. He is alive. He is awake. 

He speaks slower, and there is a rough quality to his voice that was not present before. It seems to take him more time to process what is said to him, and he reacts as if on a delay. But he is here and alive and awake. 

Only when more kaoliang is poured, and Ryujin raises a toast do you sit up and take your cup. You barely hear what she shouts, booze and excitement slurring her speech, but you make out the words together, family, and happy, and you tap your small glass against as many as you can reach before shooting the strong liquid down.

A large, warm hand rests on your right knee, and as you set down your empty glass, you turn to find Yoongi watching you, glassy-eyed with a smile on his lips. You attempt to smile back but instead, swallow thickly and search for something to say. Luckily, he speaks first.

“Do you have any idea how difficult it has been without you at home?” Yoongi’s gaze becomes pained but remains soft, tugging at your heart. 

And although the sentiment is sweet, you are unable to ignore the impossibility of his question. In fact, for some inexplicable reason—you suppose you must blame the alcohol—you become somewhat annoyed.

You ask, “How could I possibly know that? And anyway, don't you have your hands full as it is?”

Across the table, Jeongguk snickers. It takes Yoongi a second to react, and you are glad when the corners of his lips raise into another smile, even if just for a second. 

“Being around those girls has made you sassier than you were before, darling,” he mutters under his breath. 

You roll your eyes. “It has only been a week, darling.”

Leaning close, elbows on the table, Yoongi lowers his voice and says, “It only took me about a week to begin wearing you down.”

Arousal stirs from the tone of his voice, but so does your stomach. Being kidnapped and worn down is not exactly a topic that you delight in discussing. You must not show your dissatisfaction, however, because Yoongi leans in close and presses a soft, warm kiss against your cheek. 

As the raucous dinner comes to an end and you begin to wish everyone a safe trip home, Jeongguk finally approaches. You have been holding back the urge to kick him in the shin all night, feeling somewhat scorned by his lack of attention. 

"So you're going to stay with the girls?" he asks, standing close enough to wrap you in an embrace but keeping his arms to his sides.

You nod and find it hard to hold his eye contact, looking down at his satin-clad shoulder instead. Jeongguk lifts a hand and delicately places two fingers under your chin, tilting your head until you look him in the eyes. The contact of his skin against yours sends an electric current through you, and you shiver. 

"Call me if you need anything. I can be to Busan in a matter of hours."

Sheepishly, you glance down again and mutter, "I don't have anyone's number anymore."

Jeongguk drops his hand, turns to the left, and says, "Seokjin-hyung! What the fuck, man?"

Arguing ensues, but you are too distracted by Namjoon wrapping his arms around your side and pressing his lips to your neck. Suddenly, your bones are jelly, and you stumble to the right, leaning your weight against his embrace. Yoongi joins, taking your chin in his hand in a similar fashion to Jeongguk, and tilting your lips against his. 

"We'll be ready whenever you are," Namjoon insists, lips grazing over your skin. "Whatever you need…please don't shut us out."

Somewhere behind Namjoon, Seokjin shouts, "Yah! I'll upload everyone to her contact list. Quit fussing!"

"Okay," you mutter while smiling against Yoongi's retreating mouth, unable to find anything more substantial to say despite it all lying in wait at the tip of your tongue all night. 

"We miss you," Yoongi says, pressing another kiss against your temple. "But we can wait if that is what you need."

Tears well and you fight the urge to sob. Not here, you tell yourself. Not now. You have already cried so much.

You hug everyone, even Seokjin and Hoseok. Jeongguk attempts to play it cool, but he stares at your lips the entire time, and you practically beg him to kiss you before ultimately letting him walk away. Jimin litters your cheeks and temples with loud, wet smooches, causing you to giggle and shriek. 

Taehyung asks about your medication, making your heart ache from his kindness. You briefly inform him that you have been having no dizzy spells, and he promises to send you more medication as soon as you are in Busan. 

Finally, Namjoon and Yoongi pull you into another three-way hug and take turns kissing your lips, cheeks, and forehead. They mutter soft, sweet phrases that you only make out the tones of, feeling the whooshing of your pulse as you begin to question whether you are making a huge mistake and should just grab your shit and go home. 

And then, all waving and clambering out the door haphazardly, they are gone, and the room is quiet. 

You sigh and glance around at the dregs of food and alcohol, feeling simultaneously full and empty in more ways than one. Tears fill the edges of your eyes, and you do your best not to blink, worried that any movement will cause them to spill. 

Ryujin sighs loudly. "Alright, well, this was fun and all, but I want to get fucking laid. You girls down for a night on the town?"

You glance down at your outfit, ready to complain, only you look good enough to go to a nightclub and find you have nothing to say to the contrary. You even wear a pair of cozy black ballet slippers, which you slid on while feeling unsure whether you could handle so many tumultuous emotions while wearing heels, and for that, you are grateful. 

"Sure," you utter while turning to Hwasa, who has a drunk but devious grin tugging on her lips. Her smile widens and she claps excitedly.

The drive to the nightclub is long, and you are exhausted by the time you arrive, having been fading in and out of a stupor. You feel more drunk than you had earlier, and you are tempted to suggest taking a cab back to the hideout alone. Of course, that would never fly. You can already hear Ryujin singing buddy system in your head.

Hwasa eagerly pulls you from the back of the car and chuckles as she rubs her fingertips along the edge of your hairline and says, "Poor sleeping beauty. We'll get you something that will wake you up, okay?"

You respond with a halfhearted smile and nod, and she takes your hand in hers and yanks you to the door, not bothering to stop for the security guard who, to your surprise, makes no move to stop you either. Inside, loud bass-heavy club music plays, and you are led through a series of hallways until you enter a large room full of the rest of Ryujin's girls and a group of men. 

The room is dark and somewhat hazy, lit by strips of purple lights along the ceiling and floor. Short two or three-person sofas line the mirrored walls and are dispersed throughout the space, most of which are occupied. On tables set beside each sofa are bottles of champagne and piles of cocaine, with glasses large and small scattered throughout and topped with small lamps that emit very little light.

Ryujin approaches a man sitting amidst the chaos by himself, sitting hunched over with his elbows on his knees, thumbing through his cell phone. You are curious whether these men are people she knows, and you watch to see how familiar she is with the lone man, but Hwasa steps in your line of vision and takes your chin in both of her hands. 

"Coke?" she asks. 

You want to say no, proud of yourself for being off the shit for as long as you have been away from home. But you are certain that without it, you will not survive this night, so you nod and allow yourself to be tugged further into the room, to an unoccupied table. 

"Don't worry, this is from our stash," Hwasa says as she picks up a discarded rolled-up 100-dollar Taiwanese bill and tightens it between her finger and thumb. "Moon and Solar were in charge of overseeing the distribution process."

You mutter, "How generous," doing your best to smile, and watch as Hwasa snorts a small pile into one nostril and then the other. When she hands the bill to you, you take in a deep, slow breath, and let it out, then lean forward to snort from the edge of the pile first into your left nostril and then your right.

As you let the bill fall to the table and tip your head back, sniffing in again on each side, you ask, "Does Ryujin know these men?"

"Mmhmm," Hwasa hums as she fills two glasses with champagne and hands one to you. "A few of these guys worked at Paradise while I was there, and some of them are from Serendipity. Maybe you know them."

"Oh," you say, pulling the glass to your lips but stopping to ask, "How did they end up here?"

Hwasa purses her lips and tilts her head, making a show of how hard she is trying to conjure the answer to your question. Then her eyes widen and she says, "Oh! Some guy started to come around to Serendipity and just sort of gathered the rest of these guys up as, like, a posse. I don't really know what they do, to be honest, but they always dress up in matching suits and cover their faces, which is creepy as hell."

Your stomach tenses, and you feel too anxious to turn your head to the left and figure out who Ryujin is talking to. Although you know that there is absolutely no way in hell it is Christian, something about the description of the men reminds you of his men, and you begin to wonder whether there really was credence to Yoongi's worry surrounding the possibility of Christian being on this island.

"What's his name?" you ask, voice barely loud enough to be heard over the music. 

"Hmm?" Hwasa asks into her champagne glass as she leans closer. 

You begin to glance over to where Ryujin and the man are, but your heart pounds so hard, you worry you might be sick if you see him. 

"The man who gathered all the guys, from Serendipity, " you say, leaning closer. 

"What's his name?"

"Oh," Hwasa says, taking a slow slip of her champagne while her wide, dark eyes stare past you. She blinks owlishly, then pulls the glass from her lips and says, "He has a nickname…Insanity? Something like that."

Unable to stop yourself, your head flies to the left, searching the features of the man whose lap Ryujin has claimed with her legs. His nose is sharp and somewhat hooked, and it is not a familiar shape. Worried, you glance around the room, but there is no sign of Christian, as far as you can tell. 

"Something the matter?" Hwasa asks, touching fingertips to your arm and making you nearly drop your glass of champagne. 

You must look frantic when you turn back to her, based on the fear that pulls at her pretty features. You blink and wet your lips, shaking your head. Unconvincingly, judging by the way her brows knit and she continues to stare at you. 

"I just..." you swallow thickly and glance around the room once more, slowly scanning every face you can see. "I just thought he sounded familiar."

Hwasa makes a small sound, and you scan several more faces before returning your gaze to her and asking, "Huh?"

"It's just," she says, uncertain, "well, I heard he was previously working on Jeongguk's team, back when he was a drug runner. So…maybe he is familiar?"

Something is not adding up. Although Seokjin mentioned that he has kept Christian around to do whatever he pleases, it seems odd that he would be known to these women as someone who was once part of Jeongguk's team. As you recall from the day you were taken to the mansion, he did not seem to perform his drug-running duties to Yoongi's liking. Did Seokjin keep him on Jeongguk's team even after that day? Could he have had something to do with the group of men Jeongguk massacred with kunai knives for fucking him over?

You stare at your glass of champagne trying to make all the pieces fit, but it feels like you are missing a huge chunk of information. 

Hands touch your shoulders, causing you to jump. You mutter, "Shit," under your breath at the same time Ryujin's high, somewhat mocking laughter fills your left ear. 

"So sorry to scare you, pretty darling," she slurs, sounding quite inebriated. 

"Don't worry about it," you say, attempting to loosen your posture. Ryujin's hands remain on your shoulders and you do not want her to feel how tense you are. But then she squeezes your shoulders and you close your eyes, this time succeeding in relaxing. 

"How do you feel after such an emotional dinner?"

"Good," you respond while her thumbs circle over your muscles. You wonder whether she is the reason Hwasa always gives massages. Or perhaps it is the other way around. "And, I don't know. I guess also conflicted. Homesick."

Ryujin's hands fall away and she rests her chin on your left shoulder, loosely wrapping her arms around yours and pinning yours to your sides. Hwasa busies herself pouring a third glass of champagne. 

"You really like them, hmm?" Ryujin asks. 

"Yeah," you say, possibly too quiet for how loud the music in this room is. "Most of them, anyway."

The last part is a joke. You like Seokjin and Hoseok just fine, but you are certainly not as close to them as you are to the others. Taehyung, too, for that matter, although he has had the pleasure of watching his boyfriend rail you, which has formed its own kind of bond between the two of you. 

"What is your relationship with the guys?" she asks. 

Hwasa hands her a glass, and she releases her hold on you and takes it, muttering a soft, "Thank you." 

You turn to face Ryujin. Although you still hesitate to become too close to her, you do feel comfortable in her presence, all things considered. If Yoongi is willing to trust her again, then perhaps you should be, too. 

"Yoongi, Namjoon, and I are a thing." After a pause, you add, "And…sort of Jeongguk."

Ryujin's mouth falls open and she gasps. "I need to know more!"

You feel your cheeks become hot, and you pick up your glass of champagne, which Hwasa has filled. But rather than explain, you ask something that has been on your mind for a while.

"Before, when you and Yoongi were together, was Namjoon…" Unsure how to finish the sentence, you trail off. Luckily, Ryujin knows just what you mean. 

She nods. "Yes. Romantically, those two have always been the closest. Namjoon and I were never super physical. We were just very, very comfortable around one another because of Yoongi."

Interesting. You suppose this makes sense, remembering a conversation between you and Jimin a while back when he told you about how marrying Ryujin was a means to an end more than anything else. 

"Yoongi and I were meant to bring two families together. And, don't get me wrong, we were physically and emotionally attracted to one another. But we also had more fulfilling relationships on the side. For Yoongi, it was Namjoon."

"And for you?" you ask before you can stop yourself. 

Ryujin smiles wide, but then it falls to a frown. She shakes her head. "Doesn't matter. Nobody you know."

You nod and accept her answer. You suppose that perhaps the two of you are not that close, yet. In tandem, you and Ryujin raise your glasses to drink. But then she yells, "Oh!" and you startle enough to nearly spill your champagne onto yourself. "Jeongguk, though! What happened with him?"

You tip your head back and chug the rest of your bubbly. It is truly miserable to drink quickly, and you instantly regret your decision, feeling the carbonation sloshing around in your guts. 

"We, uh…" you begin, feeling shy. Why do you feel shy?

"You should see those two," Hwasa interjects, causing your face to heat even more. "They bicker like children but then circle one another like feral animals. I can only imagine their chemistry behind closed doors."

Affronted, your mouth falls wide. "We what? No we do not!"

Hwasa nods, grinning. "Yes, you do! I thought the two of you were fucking for sure when I first started working for Jimin. I was shocked to learn Jeongguk was with Taehyung and you were with Yoongi."

"And Namjoon," Ryujin supplies. 

Hwasa's grin widens. 

You raise your hands to your face as if to hide. This day has been exhausting, and these two are giggling at your expense like a couple of school girls. 

"Oh, stop," Hwasa says as one of your hands is tugged down from your face. You open just the one eye, keeping the other closed tight behind your palm. "Everyone wants a piece of your ass. Don't be shy about it! Embrace it."

With a sigh, you shake your head. "Not everyone," you groan, feeling defensive.

"Everyone with eyes," Ryujin says, waggling her eyebrows while Hwasa makes kissy noises. "I would shoot my shot if you weren't already so taken."

Hwasa nods and says, "Me too!"

Suddenly, it is too warm and too loud in here. "I need a stronger drink!" you declare, making both women laugh. 

You take a step back and turn, moving in autopilot toward the door before realizing you have no idea where you are nor where a bar in this building is. 

Ryujin takes your right hand and yanks you gently back, sing-songing, "Ah, ah, ah, not by yourself."

"Alright," you concede, interlocking your fingers with hers. As you begin to walk toward the exit, your left hand is engulfed and you glance to find Hwasa is coming along. 

You exit the mirrored room and turn right, taking a dark hallway about halfway and then turning right once more, through a thick black curtain that is guarded by two men on the other side. There is a bar directly to the right, and Ryujin tugs you to the counter and orders a bottle of whiskey that you do not catch the name of. 

With a nod, the bartender grabs an unopened bottle from a high shelf and then delicately stacks three medium-sized glasses. Hwasa takes the glasses, Ryujin takes the whiskey, and your hands remain held by both of theirs. 

Back in the mirrored room, you return to the table off to the right, toward the back. The girls release your hands to pour three drinks, and you fidget by pinching the satin of your skirt between your thumbs and knuckles, suddenly feeling antsy. 

"Cheers," Ryujin declares as she slides a drink in front of you. You take it, hold it up, and tap it against their glasses, then pull it to your lips and smell the strong, bittersweet liquid before taking a sip. 

The potent, boozy caramel flavor that you have come to expect is accented by a hint of something earthy, possibly wood. You take a bigger drink, hold it on your tongue, allowing your taste buds to open and fully experience the onslaught as they adjust, and then you swallow it down. 

"Tomorrow, we return to Busan," Ryujin says for the second time tonight as the whiskey flows down into your chest, filling you with warmth. You look forward to being at a proper home rather than on some random floor in a balmy, empty building. 

"I'm looking forward to seeing your home," you say, sounding far more meek than you intend to.

"I'm looking forward to hosting you."

Hwasa leans her elbows on the table and says, "You finally get to have your own room. That is, of course, unless you want to stay with me."

The playful smile on Hwasa's face, paired with her tired and intoxicated bloodshot eyes is almost enough to make you melt. Almost enough to make you follow her into any room she wants to lead you into. 

When you shrug and say, "Honestly, I may be too lonely to sleep alone," you are being brutally honest, and not all all flirtatious. 

"I can even decorate it like your room in the mansion," Ryujin says. "Is it still yellow?"

Her words halt your movement of lifting your glass back to your lips. "How did you know that?"

Ryujin rolls her eyes and says, "Please, nothing about that man has changed, down to the way he likes to outfit you. It's exactly as it was seven years ago."

Bile swirls around in your tummy, and you set the glass down on the mirrored table with a clank that is louder than you intend. Could that be true? Is Yoongi really outfitting you in the same fashion he was outfitting her all those years ago. 

Hwasa clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth and swats at Ryujin's arm, muttering, "Mother, don't say things like that to her," under her breath. 

You shake your head, determined to not show how strange the information makes you feel. But Ryujin turns, pouts dramatically, and wraps her arms around you. 

"Oh, sweetie, I don't mean to suggest he was trying to turn you into a second me. He just seems to have the same tastes and fashion sense, is all. Trust me, he loves you way more than he could ever love me. I can tell."

You have no idea whether Ryujin is being truthful or trying to make you feel better, but you decide that either way, you see no use in dwelling on it. You are going to be living under her roof for the foreseeable future, and becoming upset whenever she says something a little too blunt, snippy, or insensitive is not going to get you anywhere. 

With a nod, you say, "I know. Don't worry." But it only makes her squeeze you tighter. 

"Just look at his bullshit excuse for taking you home with him," she says. "Collateral, my ass."

What an odd statement. You ask, "What do you mean?" But what you really mean to say is what do you know?

"The man takes you as so-called payment from your ex but then spends millions of dollars on a wardrobe, an armored vehicle, the most lavish birthday party in all of Seoul. Make it fucking make sense!"

Ryujin releases the hug, and as soon as you are free, you slam back your whiskey and pick up the 100-dollar bill, squeezing it tighter into a tube. Ryujin whoops and claps as you lean close and snort from the edge of the cocaine pile into your left nostril and then your right. 

"Mommy needs some, too," she says as she takes the bill from your hand and leans forward. 

You tip your head back and raise a knuckle to each nostril, sniffing deeply to make sure none of the drug is stuck inside your nose cavity, then you stand up straight, stretching your back by pushing forward your chest, and reach for the bottle of whiskey. 

"Partying so hard without me?" a male voice asks from behind you, and you nearly drop the bottle. 

The tone, the accent, and the cadence all confirm your fears are true.

"Christian?" you mutter as you spin, and you almost do not believe your eyes. 

From the expression he wears and the way his gaze falls to the floor, eyes widening as they lift to your face, you wager he also cannot believe his. 

Christian steps forward and you take a step back, elbow hitting the table and causing you to grip tighter to the bottle of whiskey. 

"Barom-oppa!" Ryujin shouts as she pounces on Christian, wrapping her arms around his neck. 

"Hey there, dearie," he says, lifting his arms to return the hug, never taking his eyes off you. 

Christian looks somewhat normal compared to the last time you saw him, with a white and red floral button-up tucked into black slacks, and a black leather blazer. His hair has some product in it to give it a slightly messy style, falling in front of his eyes, and he wears minimal makeup. 

But there is a darkness to him. Smudges around the eyes rather than clean lines, tattoos on his throat and neck. On his left hand, he wears a black leather driving glove, and across his nose is a red scuff, as if he has been punched. Under the rich musk that fills the air around him, you sense the stale smell of cigarette smoke, and he has silver hoops in his ears and one in his left nostril. 

A lot has changed about Christian in the months since you have known him. 

Ryujin releases their hug and takes a step back, causing Christian to look down at himself and rub his hands down the front of his jacket as if her tiny body could have somehow managed to do anything to the leather. Then he stands up straight and shakes his head to the side just enough for his hair to move out from in front of his eyes, and you realize that his left eye is completely white. Is it…missing? 

"Oh my god, your eye!" you shout, lunging forward before you can stop yourself and raising your left hand toward his face while your right hand nearly drops the whiskey bottle once more. 

Christian takes your wrist in his gloved hand and holds firmly onto you, and your entire body flushes hot with nerves as you realize the mistake you have made. The way his gaze holds onto you, even with only one dark iris and pupil, is piercing and intense, and you attempt futility to pull your hand away. 

"Funny story how I lost that," he says, expression pulling into a strange, sad grin. He leans close, nicotine on his breath as he says, "I'll have to tell you some time."

You pull on your arm, desperate to release it, but his grip is far stronger than you remember. Should you be afraid of this man?

"Christian," you begin, glancing from your hand to his face. 

"Perhaps over drinks, some time," he continues. "Just the two of us."

You nod, willing to lie to him if it means letting you go. Panic rises as you continue to take stock of how different he is from the man you used to know. 

Ryujin takes the whiskey from your hand, sets it on the table, and then grabs his hand in both of hers as she says, "Alright, that is enough of that. I need you two to play nice."

The room returns to view, and you remember why you are here and who you are with. You realize belatedly that these two not only know each other but that they are friendly with one another. 

"Wait," you say, turning to Ryujin, "you told Yoongi—"

"Look, I lied to him," she says, cutting you off. 

Your mouth falls open and your pulse whooshes in your ears. "You…but…" Could she possibly know what she has done by bringing the two of you together? "Why?"

Ryujin chuckles and steps close to Christian, placing her dainty, manicured hands over his chest. "Oppa is harmless. You know that! And Yoongi…well, he's paranoid. Trust me, darling. Nothing bad will happen to you."

You are not so sure you are convinced, but you know that freaking out will do nobody any good. Especially when you are so far away from home. You are not eager to show any more weakness to any of these people. Especially the one they call Mister Insanity. 

Someone shouts for Christian, using the name Barom, and you turn quickly back to the table. Your glass contains more whiskey, courtesy of one of the women, you assume, and you pick up the glass with shaking hands and slam it down, then reach for the bottle again. 

Intoxication roils through you in hot waves, and you squeeze your eyes closed to take a deep breath in and out before shooting more whiskey. A small hand touches your lower back, and you wish you were curled up in a bed all by yourself, far away from these people and this music. You are tired of being touched.

"I know it's weird to see an ex," Ryujin says. "Sorry for surprising you like this. He told me he wouldn't be around tonight."

"How did he lose his eye?" you ask, focused on the wrong thing as you turn to face Ryujin. You tremble so hard that your teeth clatter. 

Her smile falls to a frown and she shakes her head. "That isn't my story to tell."

You nod, accepting her answer, and turn to Hwasa, who watches you with a concerned expression. You mouth the word, "Bathroom?" and she nods and rounds the table, taking you by the arm. 

"Down the hall to the left," Ryujin says. 

As you walk through the room, you squint, attempting to ignore all the movement in the mirrors in your periphery. It's too much. Everything is too much. 

The darkness of the hallway is a blessing and a curse, relieving you from the chaos of the private room while introducing challenges of its own; it is almost too dark and somewhat claustrophobic. 

You stumble and Hwasa's hold on you tightens. She picks up the pace and leads you straight into a single-stall bathroom, then turns on a light that is thankfully relatively dim. The moment she closes and locks the door, you stumble forward, fall to your knees on the rough tile before the toilet, and vomit the contents of your stomach. 

Your mind races with myriad thoughts, but one is the loudest of them all: What the fuck is Christian doing here?

*

Oh, oh, I broke down all my doors Oh, do you see it now? Nothing was fixed at all

I never asked to be like this

🎵 visit the playlist

hello, hello!!! we meet again!!! i hope you have all been having great middle of the year months! things have been ok for me but i have been reading a lot more than i have been writing. how did you feel about this one??? it is a little slower, as it is setting the stage for the final chapters. any guess how things are going to go? how do we feel about the new (and returned) characters??? it felt really nice to writing Jimin into the scene again. 💜 i'll be honest, describing Ryujin & the Mamamoo girls laying on the rugs and blankets made me think of Quanxi and her harem of fiends from Chainsaw Man.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!!! REBLOGS ARE IMPORTANT BLAHBLAHBLAH LIKES ARE ALSO AMAZING AND SO ON. 💜 tags will be coming in reblogs. also, character asks are always active if you have some burning questions or comments (just don't expect me to outright spoil anything hehehe.)

i love you, stay hydrated!!! if you are somewhere with a heatwave, stay cool!!! 😘😘😘 until we meet again!!!

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Collateral is copyright 2022-2024 theharrowing, all rights reserved. no translations of reposts allowed.

[yuna-writes]

Normalcy in socialization

I'm not sure what's considered "normal" when it comes to socializing with other people. If there was one thing I noticed was normal to me but abnormal to other people is my ability to be alone for a very long time. It sort of goes into being an introvert, but when I was a teen I didn't realize the behaviors I found normal is considered unusual to other teens around my age.

When I was in college, I made a friend with another girl one time. We got along great and I thought we had a good chemistry in terms of being friends. So apparently I have the tendency to spend a long time alone, do my own thing where I like to spend more 'me time' so I would watch shows, read books, and draw independently for about weeks or even over a month being alone. When I tried to re-connect with the friend, she grew visibly upset and stopped talking to me. At that time, I was very confused why she was so dissatisfied with our friendship, but then I realize she probably went through various stages of emotions and wanted the presence and comfort of a friend...and well, I wasn't really present. It's really interesting too because I thought I did everything right in the relationship by being myself. Maybe I did nothing wrong technically, because some people can understand my need to be left alone. It doesn't mean I don't like them, but I have independent hobbies and interest I want to do on the side.

As an adult, I have to remind myself that normal people experience various moods such as being happy, sad, angry etc in a short span of time. My mood doesn't vary much so I like to be alone and chill. It does give the impression to other people that I seem disinterested but I am still interested in the friendship or relationship. I guess among the women I encountered, they would initiate small talk a lot and express or share their emotions on daily basis but I don't really do this because again, my mood doesn't vary much. Also, I'm pretty bad at small talk. The positive is that most people find me very chill and calming, the downside is I can't really relate to a lot of other people's experiences.

I heard among men, they can go for about weeks or months not talking to each other and then meet again as friends but still be in good terms. I studied this and their friendship is a bit different compared to girls and women where they focus more on activities and action based interest but don't really care so much expressing emotions. It's sort of like they would play a sport together, then forget about each other for several weeks or months, and then just show up and be best buds again and play the sport together. Meanwhile, among women, they focus a lot on emotional connection and paying attention to each other's ability to express empathy and being very present in their social circles. I guess socially, how I approach female friendships seems to lean toward how men form friendships. And well...it doesn't work out practically. I only met two female friends who can understand this, but mostly it's because they lead busy and independent lives and don't really need the attention. I wonder if it's true that female friendships largely have the tendency to focus on emotional connection, attentiveness to each other's feelings, and being compassionate to each other. It's just a theory for now.

Sometimes I wonder what I think is normal is based on how I was raised as well. And I wasn't really raised in a warm hearted and empathetic household. When you lived in a certain household and your parents treated you a certain way for many years, you start to normalize this in your brain and think those behaviors are normal. On other hand, other people might view it as neglect or disinterest. I still have the same qualities where I like to be left alone and pursue my interest on the side. But someone mentioned to me that maintaining friends requires a lot of work. I think I can say I can make friends easily, but maintaining them is nearly impossible. It's a lot of small talk, being emotional with each other, and helping each other through highs and lows. I get emotionally burnt out, but I'm unsure why either. It could be my introverted personality.

[sparklingpax]

random anon here with a masterforce hc, buster being a older sibling figure to wilder or something

as i mean when i first watched the show their similar hair styles made me think they were siblings-

AWAAAAAA YES DEFINITELYYY‼️

SO LIKE I HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS 👀 In fact, that one deception-related Masterforce fic I'm working on atm touched on this exact thing 🙏

I ADORE the idea that the Decepticon HM Jrs have like a special relationship with the Godmasters who are, in some ways, on a closer level to them than the other members of the team. At first maybe the brothers didn't much care to give the kids the time of day, maybe didn't think to?? But over time......that shifts.

I feel like Cancer probably gravitated to Hydra somewhat (and ironically maybe??). Something like, Hydra at first wanted nothing to do with what he thought would be an "annoying kid", however talented...Cancer kinda kept approaching him or ending up in situations around the base near him. Hydra comes around slowly, realizing, hey...Cancer's a pretty thoughtful and bright kid. And they have this little brotherly bond going that Hydra doesn't quite have with the others. Perhaps in some ways, he is reminded of when Buster was little, and it feels like he's looking after his kid brother again. And that...he doesn't mind either.

Also I feel like Bullhorn is actually a pretty amicable guy, he just acts aggressive and mean because he has to; so he has his own type of connection with either of the Godmaster bros.

Then adding to that, and as you've said, Buster probably ended up becoming a kinda "older sibling" vibe towards Wilder. Buster understands the innate wounded pride Wilder has, the will to accomplish something. I get the sense Buster might struggle a lot with self-esteem and seeing that he has in fact, accomplished a lot and is a strong person. Wilder actually does see that, but also sees Buster as a stronger figure....someone to be feared, someone to learn from. He's not sure if he can even tell Buster that, so he quietly looks up to him. He and the other two kids probably have a degree of respectful fear towards the Godmaster brothers, but he fears less and more respects Buster compared to Hydra, and takes to heart the pieces of advice Buster sometimes gives without even knowing that he's giving advice. They're pretty close in age too, I'd wager (note: I'm not paying attention whatever 'canon' ages there are atm because some of the ages given to Masterforce characters make so little sense to me tbh....Ranger is NOT 17 for example like. No fucking way man. Oh my god 😭) and something tells me they'd have a lot of similar interests. You mentioned style, and that is included in those "similar interests" for sure 😹✨ I also get the sense that Buster is more friendly/less closed-off/guarded than Hydra, so he's more easy to befriend generally. I'm guessing he probably has a good relationship with all three kids :]

Like, I have a clear image of Buster tagging along with the kids for lunch and then insisting on handling the bill when the kids come up a couple dollars short, or all of them like, exchanging songs they all like to listen to. They also probably group train/practice sparring together from time to time of course.

Ofc, no bond is stronger than the ones between Hydra and Buster as brothers, and then separately, the one between the trio of kids.

I will always love the established family-like bond between the members of the team of cons in masterforce!!! And, I feel like that might have been a reason everyone (minus King Poseidon and the Decepticon Pretenders) eventually realized the missions they have to carry out on Devil Z's orders conflict with values they hold in their hearts. Now, even though ultimately Hydra and Buster chose the "other path" and gave themselves to Devil Z, I also hold that there was some sort of hesitation there, something that doesn't feel like it was what they really wanted, but what they (especially Hydra) thought they really wanted/needed.

But that's a tangent kinda!!! Sorry....i went off rambling.....idk if like half of what I've written here makes any sense but aaaaaaA....i have So many thoughts abt this........anyways yea, This is all to say....slay idea anon, I 100% agree 🙏😊✨

Thanks for dropping in!! (⁠ ⁠╹⁠▽⁠╹⁠ ⁠)

-Kuni ✨

[aparticularbandit]

Glass Onion Meta

because i have too many thoughts and also i want to compare it with knives out but only very vaguely because it’s been a while since i’ve seen the first movie but some of the commentary/analysis i want to make involves comparing the two.

so!

...below the cut because this might get long (and also apologies if this is rambly because it’s just me having thoughts and wanting to get them all out...or at least some of them out).

oh, obviously this includes major spoilers for glass onion and also includes maybe minor spoilers for knives out.

EDITED TO CORRECT AN ERROR RE: WHO STEPS UP FIRST AT THE END.

i think it’s important to start with the themes/point of glass onion being very different from those in knives out.  rian got asked in an interview about making movies about rich people who do horrible things, and i think the difference between the two is this: knives out is about rich people who do horrible things, but glass onion is about rich person who does horrible things.  this is why the big heart moment in knives out is revealing that marta didn’t kill harlan because she is a good nurse, but what should be the big heart moment in glass onion is not telling someone drowning in guilt that they are, actually, good but the people who were once good now have the strength to turn against their abuser.

in essence, glass onion is the exact opposite of knives out - where the first movie is about saving a singular person done wrong by multiple rich people, the second movie is about saving multiple people being done wrong by a singular rich person.

now - past that general etc. i don’t really want to delve into knives out much, other than to point out that the majority of the cast are rich entitled people who were born into rich and have grown up rich and have their entitlement as the result of that.  the only character like that in glass onion is miles, and it’s his corrupting influence - and abuse - that is the heart of my argument, really.

SO.

We need to start with the rest of the family - and yes, I will refer to the core six (Andi, Claire, Lionel, Birdie, Miles, and Duke) as a family because I feel like they are.  I think that’s best set up in the first scene in seeing how Lionel, Claire, Birdie, and Duke play off of each other; how Birdie and Lionel have Claire’s speech on the news playing where they’re intended to be paying attention to it (Birdie’s Birdie, so she’s distracted, and Lionel appears to have intended to host a group of people sitting and seeing Claire’s discussion on tv except that he got pulled into a meeting with who I think were probably the other Alpha scientists?); and how Lionel and Claire, as soon as they get the box from Miles, are immediately on the phone with each other, expect Birdie and Duke to show up, and then all four of them are just ribbing on each other good-naturedly the entire time.  They are a family.  They are a family.  And you see that at its best with those four (and particularly, I think, with Lionel, Claire, and Birdie).  These six people know each other, and as far as they know, they all love each other (at least prior to everything with Andi and Miles’ dispute re: Alpha, but we’ll get into that).  Even more to that point, every year they basically go on a big family vacation that Miles funds, and when they go, they don’t take the rest of their family (Birdie brings Peg because Peg is all of her brain cells and Duke brings Whiskey because Whiskey can get to Miles, but Claire doesn’t bring her husband (or assumed kids) and Duke doesn’t bring his mom, even though he still lives in her basement).  This is for them.  Their family.  Not everyone else.

Anyway.

We need to start with the rest of the family, and more importantly, we need to start with Andi.  The movie itself tells us that Andi found the other four first because she saw their potential - a substitute teacher, a washed up model, a YouTuber who couldn’t get off the ground, and Claire who is apparently in her thirties and still running for student council president, maybe I heard that wrong and she was trying for school board head or something, there’s something off there (EDIT: correction re: Nonnie heard clearer than me!) a failed attempt at city council president but they’re all trying to do something with their lives and failing and Andi looks at them and says, hey, there’s something here, something good, and all of us together can get to that something good.

And to Andi’s point, she’s right.

Lionel is more than a substitute teacher; he’s a scientific mind who probably keeps Alpha afloat (after Andi leaves - which means scientifically speaking, he’s probably the closest to her level, but he’s a science guy, not a business guy, which is where Andi probably excels more).

Birdie is more than a washed up model - which sounds like a bit of a stretch until you realize that, yeah, she did create a fashion line and then created an entire sweatpants line.  (Like Lionel, she is not business savvy.  Birdie gets the raw end of the stick here because she has no brain cells, but she’s not entirely dumb.  She knows fashion.  She just doesn’t keep track of much else.)

Duke is able to influence millions of people once he finds the right crowd (Twitch and YouTube run differently; what does well on Twitch does not always do well on YouTube and vice-versa; this is one of those things that I’ve heard some of the YouTubers I follow talk about in terms of their attempts on Twitch, not something I know from experience, but Twitch is run differently.  It uses a different skill set).

Claire is actually a very skilled and capable politician provided she has the right connections and backing.

They are all very good at what they want to do; they are just missing the connections to do it.

Which is where Miles comes in.

Miles has no skills.  The movie calls him an idiot.  He steals outright from people.  But what Miles has are connections and money, which is what the fam needs.  They need a sponsor.  Miles becomes their sponsor.

And it’s worth noting that other than Andi, none of them like Miles until he sponsors them.  Miles literally buys his way into the fam.  (And I think it’s worth noting that Miles does have a certain charisma to him.  He’s full of shit.  We know he’s full of shit.  But he’s so good at redirecting and talking around and using words that are close but not quite the right word that we don’t notice he’s full of shit.  That’s how he gets through to Andi, and once he gets through to Andi, that’s how he gets through to the rest of the fam.)

Even Andi depends on Miles’s connections and money to get Alpha off the ground.  They’re partners.

And, to an extent, I’d argue they’re the fam parents.  Andi brought them all together, she created the fam, she’s their mom.  Miles gives them presents and money and introduces them to the rest of the business world; he’s their dad.

Roughly speaking.

And I think in the decade that the fam is together, they probably do think of themselves as a family.  Sometimes maybe Miles asks them to do stuff they don’t like, but he also always gets them out of trouble when they fall into something.  When Duke makes a bad call and gets banned from Twitch, Miles gets him right back up again.  When Birdie makes a bad call and decides to start her sweatpants line, Miles supports her doing it.  He helps them out, and he expects them to help him out.

I think while Miles and Andi were together, it’s quite likely that she reined him in.  They were partners.  They did things together.  (She probably would not have supported the sweatshops in Bangladesh, but she was gone by then.  She also would not have thrown Birdie under the bus for that because that was on Miles and also she would have known that Birdie wouldn’t know what that means.)

Like - the fam aren’t rich entitled jerks.  They’re normal people.  People with the potential to do good - great - things.  People who, yes, take advantage of Miles’s sponsorship to do those good things.  And build their lives around being able to do those things with the sponsorship of their admittedly very rich friend - but it’s not taking advantage because he’s always there to help them and provide for them and offer these things for them.  Initially with no strings attached.  And then maybe with some strings, but they’re very small strings, and they aren’t really bad things, it’s fine, and Andi’s okay with it, so that’s not really a string, that’s just family helping family.

And then Andi tells Miles no.

Andi, the strongest, the brightest, the best of them, the one who brought them all together, tells Miles no, and he cuts her out of the company founded on her ideas.

Andi is absolutely ruined, and they see Andi get absolutely ruined, and they come to the realization that their friend who has been nothing but a friend is actually not a friend and not only can cut them off but will completely ruin them if they get in his way.

Andi tries to go up against Miles, but by then he’s gotten to them and proven to each of them that he will absolutely destroy them if they try to side with Andi.

At this point, I think for most of them it’s not about the money.

It’s about seeing everything they have done, everything they have tried to do, all of the good they are trying to put into the world - Claire is a governor, she is trying to do so much good for her state, and she wants to do so much more good for her country; Lionel is a scientist, and maybe some of Miles’s ideas are crap, but some of them are genuinely good, and he is the one person who Miles actually sometimes listens to (except on Klear, when he wouldn’t even listen to Andi, why would he ever listen to Lionel?  especially when he put all of their money into funding it, it has to work and Miles has always been about finding ideas that work and bringing them into his fold so that he can control them); Birdie doesn’t have any brain cells, so for her this is less about putting good into the world and more about sticking with her fam (we see this at the end, she goes where Lionel and Claire go; Birdie trusts her family so much that she wouldn’t question doing what Miles asks, which is how she ends up in the sweatshop problem (I think Andi is the one who hired Peg because Peg is actually capable at what she does, and I think Miles is the one who suggested Birdie have a secret phone just for communicating with him behind Peg’s back)); and Duke...by this point is mostly a lost cause, but he’s still a mama’s boy (honestly, I think Duke took after Miles, he looked to Miles first and foremost, and he’s the most likely to actually have the influence and money to get out from under Miles if he had enough sponsorship to get there, but Miles is never going to give him that because Miles needs Duke dependent on him) - it’s about seeing all of that completely ripped to shreds and destroyed, not about the money.

They’re not entitled rich people; they are normal people who needed money and connections, who gained money and connections through one singular person, and then realized that one singular person who they thought was their friend really, really was NOT their friend.

And realizing that there was no way out from under his control without losing everything.

And then being stuck.

I think it’s quite possible that if Andi had found the napkin earlier, Lionel and Claire would have sided with her maybe because she would have had actual hard evidence she could stand on, and if Lionel and Claire sided with Andi, Birdie would have followed.  Not sure about Duke.  Duke’s murky.  But without actual physical evidence and proof, it becomes he said; she said, and when dealing with Andi who has already been devastated vs. Miles who even without Alpha has all of that money and connections and influence and could probably still destroy them if they turn on him--

Dad might be an abusive asshole, but if we pretend to like him, if we are his good little children, then maybe he won’t hurt us the way he hurt Mom.

It’s an abusive family relationship.

And once Mom is out of the way, Dad can be worse.  Especially because Miles knows that he has the control over them that he wants, especially because that control has been tested and he’s been proven the winner, especially because he has people in place now to do whatever he wants whenever he wants it, all he has to do is threaten them.

Except that Andi finds proof.

Lionel may have been giving Miles a general heads up because Andi didn’t send that email to Miles, she sent it to her family.  The people she found.  The people she still loved.  The people who might come back and join her now that she has actual proof.  But Lionel is still under Miles’s employ, and he’s still the person who is supposed to be keeping Miles in check (and failing), and without Andi, he and Claire become the new...not parents, but they’re the oldest children here, they’re the ones closest to what Miles is doing, and they depend on each other to keep each other going.

Helen asks if they’re interested in how Andi’s doing or if they’re interested in the envelope, but the thing of it is that yeah, they’re interested in the envelope because if that holds what they think it does, that gets them out.  It isn’t about let’s destroy the envelope to save Miles, it’s let’s talk about this so we can see where to go from here.

Because the additional problem here is that they are all now perjurers because they lied on the witness stand, so if they walk back their testimony, then they are now felons, and I don’t know about you, but I feel like that would at least wreck Claire’s chances at senate (or staying on as governor if she’s not in senate).  Like - that seems like it was a fairly public trial, and having to go back and redo things would be an even more public trial, and turning back now would also ruin their reputations, even if it doesn’t ruin them financially or etc.  Which is just another thing Miles now has over them.

So of course it’s a we need to talk about this, not because they don’t care about Andi, but because it affects all of them and they need to get this right if they’re going to try and go against Miles with all of his money and connections and influence.  Because yeah, Andi could use that and win, but what would be the cost?  They need to talk about it.

And all of that weight is there when Helen asks them to side with her, but now also they know that Miles has killed two of them.

Which means if there is another extended trial they also have to worry about whether or not he will try to kill them, too.

And like - now it’s not just reputation, it’s not just the life they have built for themselves, it’s their actual lives - and Duke’s already dead, so he doesn’t have to worry about his mom, but Claire’s got an entire family who Miles could go after and threaten if he wants - and, like, even if they were okay with risking reputation, you are asking them in front of a literal murderer to put their lives on the line to fight him, knowing that he has already murdered the best of them to get his way.

Helen has not dealt with Miles.  She’s doing this for Andi.  It’s like an outsider telling you how to deal with getting out of an abusive situation and there’s no safe way to do it, you can’t find a safe way to do it, and you certainly don’t agree to it in front of the fucking abuser where he will hear you.

Which is why the heart of the ending has to be when they agree to fight him.

When Claire says I saw the gun.

When Birdie says I saw the napkin.

When they all agree that enough is enough (in this case, enough happens to be turning all of the houses in America into mini Hindenburgs like they just lived through).

When Lionel says I saw Miles driving away after Andi was killed.

The movie starts with these three (and then Duke) and their reactions to getting something from Miles - and it’s most telling in Claire’s, how even though she’s zooming into a news station to talk about her campaign for senate, she’s still looking off to where the package from Miles might be, but it’s telling even in Lionel’s because he’s already trying to cover for Miles, and then there’s that present, and even with Helen, when we think she’s Andi, seeing her just destroy it - the movie starts with the power Miles has over all of them, and it has to end with them trying to break out of that power.

The catharsis isn’t just Miles gets what’s coming to him; it’s these people have finally had enough of the abuse and have decided to try and get out.

And I hope they stick with that, I hope they get out, I hope they reconvene with Helen and fight because Miles is in enough of a vulnerable spot that they can get out, finally.  I hope that they are honest about what happened on that island.

...and I hope they are able to rebuild what little family they have left and that they pull Helen into it, if they can.

[astaldis]

Hi @valandhirwriter, thank you for the detailed answer! Probably it was not clear from my post, l'm sorry. I really know all that. I also have no problems with it. When I like a series and don't remember who's who, I look it up or read the books or re-watch it again, which I do anyway if I really liked it. I also assume the time that probably has passed by from the little hints we get, no problem at all, and if I'm not sure, I look it up somewhere if I want to know exactly. I don't mind the politics either if there is still enough happening (which I found sorely lacking in HotD S2 in contrast to The Witcher). I wouldn't have minded more complex politics in the Witcher either, I agree, it could have even improved things. But many are already complaining loudly about that it has far too much politics (I guess mostly the game fans who seem to primarily want Geralt fighting monsters although that hardly happens in the main saga). I also know that the makers of GoT invented the fire resistance of the Targaryans. It's just a bit irritating that they did not stick to that change of lore but changed it back to book lore without any explanation. It's simply that people have heavily criticised The Witcher for all that because they apparently had lots of trouble to use their brains and pay attention or look up things on the internet although Netflix provides a big map with timelines, character profiles and lots of other additional material, and there's also a great witcher wiki, so it would be really simple to look things up that might be confusing at first. The funniest criticism I read was under a short clip of the fight between Vilgefortz and Geralt where Vilgefortz explains loud and clear that the hardest thing for him was to hold back all the time. Somebody honesty said something like: What shit show is that, Cahir managed to beat Vilgefortz and now V beats Geralt? While in many posts (on reddit for example) HotD is always praised as doing things so much better. I honestly did not see where, other maybe than in the costume/make-up department. And on rotten tomatoes, the viewer score for HotD S2, which I found rather disappointing (but mostly because of the lack of things happening and its repetitiveness, not the many characters etc.), is 75% and for The Witcher S3 it's 19%. Which I find highly unfair. Probably there are also lots of critical videos out there about HotD, but I haven't seen anything like the hate The Witcher gets under every single one of its social media posts. Of course, taste and how people watch and enjoy films is very different and comparing films is always difficult. I was just really surprised that HotD gets so much hype and praise online (judging from what I have seen) while The Witcher gets all the shit, partly for things that HotD does similarly or even worse imo. And yes, HotD has a very serious plot and the book it is based on seems to be rather dry history from what I've heard while the Witcher books have a lot of humour in them, still, GoT had a very serious plot too, but somehow they managed to infuse some humour/wit into the show anyway, probably that's what I was missing a bit in HotD. I agree, the Witcher S3 definitely has some cringe moments (like Geralt passing by the golden opportunity to kill Rience at the beginning for no reason although it would have been so laughably easy to make that scene more convincing) and it could easily have been better, however, all in all, I personally found it much more engaging and entertaining than HotD S2. (It might be different for HotD S3 which will probably have a lot more actual things happening, we'll see in two years, I guess.)

Oh, I forgot the kiss, that it was spontaneous I did not know, thank you for the info, then it makes sense that it seems not to be mentioned anywhere further down the line! Still, I'm pretty sure if that had happened in the Witcher, like Tissaia and Yennefer spontaneously kissing because Anya and Myanna felt like it, there would have been a host of people protesting that it's not in the books and it's "woke shit" catering to the LGBTQ community.

Why is House of the Dragon allegedly so much better than The Witcher?

Just watched House of the Dragon S2 and I must say - I found it pretty boring in many parts?

Sorry, but the whole thing mostly and disappointingly feels like a very long and repetitive prologue to what might come in S3. And they do many things that are loudly criticised in The Witcher, some even a lot worse, but with HotD people seem to not mind? Honestly, this really puzzles me. Yes, the costumes and make-up might be better, but:

It's all over the place on the whole continent of Westeros and even outside of Westeros with people traveling from place to place in no time at all. OK, on dragon back, you can do that, but they also do it on foot and by boat. I remember some of the geography of the continent because I was very much into Game of Thrones some years back when it aired and also read all the Song of Ice and Fire books that were available (not the ones HotD is based on though), but the constant jumps from one place to the next are really confusing imo and you'd need to have a map by your side all the time to remember where is what. When the Witcher does that, it is criticised heavily.

Same with people, there are so many main and minor characters, some even with similar or the same names, how the fuck are you supposed to remember who's who and who is related to who and how, who belongs to which house, and who's allied to who and who's feuding who without looking it up again all the time somewhere on the internet? With all the incest and extramarital activities resulting in a host of illegitimate progeny, I found this extremely confusing, a lot more so than in The Witcher.

And does anybody have a shimmer of an idea of how much time has passed since the old king's death? Must be at least months but you hardly ever get any hints about it. And this poor girl, how long is she wandering around the desolate highlands alone trying to find the wild dragon? Must have been weeks judging by the other things that happened in the meantime ...

Maybe it's just me, but I did not find any of the characters really compelling. Not that they are not well acted, the acting is good enough, but emotionally they did not really leave any impression on me. Maybe the only character I find a bit interesting is Queen Helaena and this very young Lord Tully who shows unexpected spine and stands up to Daemon in front of the Riverlords. There are so many seemingly random new side characters popping up all over the place, too, miraculously gaining importance that one is supposed to keep track of, but also none of them that was in any way inspiring it me. And the poor cute Bracken knight only drew his sword and was already dead in the mud on a battlefield with hundreds of men hardly a second later ...

Rhaenyra suddenly and out of the blue kisses this lowborn woman (was her name even mentioned? I cannot for the life of me remember it). I don't have anything against women kissing, not at all, but why? There is no mention of anything going on between those two at all afterwards. Are they in a secret relationship now or not? I haven't read the book and don't know if it's in there, but how is that kiss, as it seems to have no relevance to the plot at all, not 'woke' catering to the LGBTQ community? But everything the Witcher does is?

Then there are the dragons you have to keep track of in addition to the many people and places. How many dragons are there? And who rides which one? And why the heck would a dragon in its right mind choose this dubious Ulf character who accidentally stumbles into its cave as a rider???

And the plot? Honestly, was there, beside the one fight between the three dragons, anything that was really exciting? I remember nothing, no battles, no good sword fights, nothing but TALK. At lest 90% of the plot is repetitive talking about politics and plotting and scheming. I have nothing against a nice political intrigue and of course that's what happens at courts and it can be interesting too. It was in Game of Thrones where you had really interesting characters, too. But here I found it mostly boring and uninspired. And The Witcher is criticised for having too much politics and too many side characters although it has a LOT less so than this season of HotD.

They also seem to have conveniently forgotten that in GoT they established that Targaryans would not burn from fire. In the books this happens only once because some kind of blood magic was performed, but in the show it happened several times, so it seemed to be the rule, not the exception. HotD thus kind of refutes their own made-up lore, which I found confusing and had to look it up online. (They could easily have made Aegon suffer from bad injuries due to the fall instead.)

The music was rather uninspiring, too, imo, except for the intro which is the well-known one taken from GoT and the music at the end of E8 which was partly based on the Rains of Castamere, otherwise there was not a single piece of the soundtack that would make me want to buy and listen to it. The Witcher has quite a few that I listen to again and again (including, of course, Jaskier's songs, but many more).

What I also like a lot better about The Witcher: It does not take itself that seriously and there is quite a bit of humour in it. In HofD S2, the imo funniest piece of dialogue was: "I want you to fuck my wives." - "How many wives do you have?" (that was between this pirate commander, don't remember his/her? name, and Lord Tyland, was that his name?) . And maybe the truest sentence in the show by this random braggart in the tavern who miraculously turns into a dragon rider Ulf: "A sense of humour would do you all good."

All in all, the only thing that I have found to be really good and outstanding about HotD S2 are the dragons. Without them, it would be less than mediocre. I don't think I would want to rewatch it and feel no desire to look up any of the characters and their relationships etc to find out more about them. I cannot say in how far it is or isn't faithful to the source material as I have not read the book(s?) HotD is based on, but even if it's more faithful to the source material, this has failed to make it a great watch like GoT (minus the ending, that was worse than the poorest fanfic could have thought it up). With the dragons it is alright to watch once, hoping for a more exciting S3, but there is absolutely no way it deserves higher critic/audience scores/ratings than The Witcher S3, the contrary.

Update: To clarify, I don't really mind many things that I mentioned about HotD, I can totally live with an unclear timeline and many characters, even if it's not easy to remember every name, relationship etc. If I really like a show or character, I simply look it up, no problem. But these are all things I have seen people criticise The Witcher for on social media, and then they say HotD is so much better. That's what really puzzles me. What I definitely liked about HotD is the diverse cast and that there are many female characters with a lot of screen time and importance. It's not a bad show, only I like The Witcher much better despite its flaws. This is not meant as an anti HotD post but a pro Witcher post.

[twstedtales]

𝐌𝐈𝐑𝐑𝐎𝐑, 𝐌𝐈𝐑𝐑𝐎𝐑 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐋.

❝hold your ground; stand up for yourself with grit and grace.❞ - Unknown.

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 | when he heard you broke from your timid and soft-spoken self just so you could defend him.

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | riddle rosehearts, leona kingscholar, azul ashengrotto, kalim al asim, vil schoenheit, idia shroud, malleus draconia × female reader.

𝐭𝐰 | none!

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬 | of course, <3 anon chan 😘 nice to meet you and have a good day too 😆 by the way, freaking gosh, this becomes soooo long 2,241 words if you wanna know bdjejwjeeh 😭😂💦 HELP-

𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐚 | reposting and queued this in time for my classes because i am determined to put it in tags lfmaooo and I also added few more because I noticed some of Leona’s part was missing and typographical errors are fixed shsbjd

Riddle was always grateful that you were a lot tamer than your chaotic friends that give him constant headaches. He also appreciates your quiet and soft nature because it helps him calm down a lot during his near outbursts when he was about to behead some of his rebellious dorm mates.

So, one random day, Riddle overheard you talking to some students; he presumed they were your classmates? He trusts you a lot, and was about to leave because he didn't want to disrespect your conversation when he heard his name, including the loud series of continuous insults directed to him, repeatedly calling him a ruthless tyrant and such, that had made his elegant brows raise to his hairline. 

A lady such as yourself shouldn't be hearing such crass words from those uneducated fools. His eyes twitched in seething anger, a vein bulging in his forehead and he was about to step in to teach them a lesson they won't forget when Riddle had heard your voice snapping.

It took him by surprise when he heard your usual soft and timid tone raise an octave, your loud yells reverberated greatly across the empty halls. Riddle felt some sort of pleasant shock; he couldn't imagine you, who was usually soft-spoken, to defend him like that. Though that aside, immediate pride and affection swells inside him. 

Riddle always believes that as a gentleman, he should be the one to protect you from fools, or defend you against malicious people like that. But he supposed the position getting reversed once in a while feels...good as well. Now, if you'll excuse him, he still needs to, ah, re-educate those imbeciles, a lesson they won't ever forget.

Leona doesn't care that you're timid most of the time, in fact, it even brought a slight relief to him because firstly, he won't have you loudly reprimanding and nagging him if he doesn't attend classes like Ruggie does, disturbing his naps. And secondly, he secretly finds you a great wonder, knowing that most women in Afterglow Savana were all "warriors" and they intimidate him. 

Though for your own sake, Leona would drop casual hints about arming yourself in an argument here and there for you to catch. He favoured your soft-spoken persona, yes, but that doesn’t mean he would go around letting you be in danger just because of it.

And just when he thought that you were tamed and a well-behaved little lamb, Leona was slightly bewildered to hear your loud shouts that knocked him out of his sleep. He almost thought that you were in danger and would instantly leap in to tear off the person who dared to attack you limb by limb if not for the obvious anger lacing your voice.

Hou? Leona listens curiously in patient silence as you apparently "defend" his reputation. It would be a lie to say that he didn't care what others say about him, but at this point, he had completely given up on how others perceived him, all their opinions be damned. But he had to admit, you saying that he was more than just being an "indolent bastard" makes his heart do a quick lithe leap. Just a little bit.

However, of course, he can't let you hog in all the fun to yourself. If those fools were brave enough to lash out and dish out their problems about him to you, they must be prepared to face the consequences of his payback. Though perhaps he must thank them as well? For encouraging and pushing his timid herbivore to stand up and hold her ground to what she believes to be most important? Heh.

Azul thought that your soft and timid self is quite a refreshing sight; you're like a breath of fresh air for him. Being surrounded by the chaotic twins all the time drains his energy, no matter how efficient they seem to be for business. So, having you around calms him down, and your soft voice was like enticing him to sleep and relax.

That's why when he heard a loud scream outside of the VIP room, Azul had seriously doubted his ears, blinking his eyes in mild shock and refusing to believe that person who had just raised their voice was you. You, his precious angelfish who spoke so softly and tenderly to him all the time, just shouted? 

Azul snapped out of his trance when he had heard your voice again, this time, it was even louder, and he could clearly hear just what makes you this furious. He quietly left the sanctuary of his office just as the argument kept on getting clearer. He had heard his name, how the students called him a "scammer", "manipulator", "evil schemer", "stupid octopus" and such. 

Under normal circumstances, Azul wouldn't feel any remorse when he had tricked them into a contract for servitude as a small payment for what they boastfully spout about him. He was ready to make them pay a hundred folds...if not for you defending him wholeheartedly. You were readily refuting every falseーor were they really false?ーclaims about him; a bit more menacing, a little more proud, and very much seething in anger. 

Adoration bloomed inside him as he almost felt tears start to prickle in the corner of his eyes. He never had someone who would defend him, who would boast how "hardworking" he was, or be angry...just for him. Azul had to steel his knees from buckling over, blinking back his tears and parading his usual, haughty smile. As much as he wants to rejoice and melt for your brave words, he first needs to get you out of there. He can't have his precious angelfish deal with those pests all by yourself, no?

Kalim was understanding, empathetic enough to know not to push you beyond the limits you could give. He was content to see you interacting and hanging out with him, no matter how quiet and timid you may be! Fret not, it doesn't matter one bit if he's the only one speaking and getting the conversation going, as long as he knew you were there and listening to him, that's all that matters to him.

Though seriously speaking, does anyone even have the heart to say malicious things about this sunshine? Though let's admit it, not all people would see Kalim's open generosity in a positive light and some people would even find it rather irritating (ーlike Jamilー). So, things like "bad-mouthing" him does happen, maybe not as much in NRC but he does hear them back in Scalding Sands.

Due to his position of being the heir to a big clan, Kalim was very much exposed to the harsh criticism and perhaps hatred and envy of others, though he does his very best to ignore them, and understand where they are coming from because he knows that not all are as privileged as him. So hearing people say bad things about him in the NRC is nothing new as well. 

What was something new though...is you raising your voice that made him jump, his heart almost made a quick leap out of his throat. Especially when you declared that he was the kindest, the most understanding and the best person you ever met in your life. Kalim didn't even hear the insults because he was more focused on drilling the image of you, looking so gallant like a honourable warrior defending him. 

Before it escalates into something serious though, Kalim would jump in the conversation and sway the topic into a more light-hearted one. You would notice his smile looked a lot brighter than normal, and that his cheerfulness is so contagious that you forgot the person who badmouthed him as Kalim dragged you to somewhere he could spoil you rotten.

Vil doesn't usually mind your timid self; he finds himself surprisingly adoring it at times. Especially after those stressful and chaotic days that all he needs is to have a peaceful respite that he had found in you. Though there were times that he would...ah, help you to become more open and confident when talking to people. Unlike Leona who would just drop hints, Vil was determined to teach you how to arm yourself with words, if not magic or any other weapon. 

Hence why Vil was very much accustomed to harsh criticism and dare say, downright hate. He was an actor and a model after all. He had long prepared himself to accept those healthy criticisms, and block off all the malicious comments thrown at him. So, hearing his own schoolmates lash out their hate against him is nothing to waste his time about. After all, they weren't even brave enough to say that to his own face. 

Even so, what took him in a pleasant astonishment is when he heard your voice, loud and clear and confident, rebutting their foolish claims about him. He didn't even pay enough attention when those potatoes blatantly compared him to Neigeーwhich was, by the way, will be dealt with laterーbecause all he could hear was your voice.

Vil huffed in amusement; you had incorporated everything he had taught you today and he could say that he was pleased with your development. As much as he wanted to see how far you could go and how good it was that you were defending him, Vil cannot allow you to linger longer around those fools who don't know basic etiquette more than necessary. 

Brimming with confidence as he was, Vil swept between smoothly, the long and loose sleeves of his dorm uniform flaunting behind me like a perfect picturesque as he hide you behind his back. He looked down coldly at those potatoes, ignoring your surprise yelp. Now, Vil can't let the improper things they say pass without a proper punishment, no?

Like everyone does, Idia doesn't care if you're timid or soft spoken either. To be honest, it was even encouraged by him. He could get around everything between you two without speaking, especially since he wasn't used to being around people a lot. After all, your quiet voice when you're talking to him doesn't feel like any otherーit was more relaxing, more soothing…

That's why when he heard you shouting so loudly and angrily one day, Idia fell on his chair in shock. He was surveying the surroundings from the CCTVs around the school for possible routes he could take when he went out to buy snacks for the weekend when he caught sight of you in the hallway with some unfamiliar students. It doesn't look like a one-sided argument, but you were definitely more pissed off than the others.

The longer he listens, the more Idia wants to wither awayーfrom embarrassment, or from self-resentment or from pure adoration, he cannot pinpoint exactly what! You...you were defending him! Him! You were seethingly refuting every claim he heard directed to him. Every single negative thing they pointed out that he himself knew of all people possessed, said it was nothing but baseless untruths. 

How could you say that he was not useless when all he could do now was to watch you from afar as you fight for his reputation? How could you still believe he was not a coward after all those things that people said about him and his failures? How could you still love him after all the things you were hearing right now? 

Idia clenched his fists that his nails dug in his palms. He...wants to be like you as well. He wanted to be the man you could depend on, the one who could defend you like those in his otome games he played. If one day...if only he could build up the courage to be...anyway, for now, Idia mysteriously alerted some of the professors that someone was bullying you. He couldn't be there personally, with how he is right now, but he would make sure to protect you in the way that he himself could surely do this time...

The one who insults and badmouth The Malleus Draconia himself was probably tired of living, having a death wish or something. Almost everyone was scared of facing him, but alas, there surely exists those who are...brave enoughーor was it simply foolishness?ーto insult him in the presence of his own beloved. 

Malleus probably didn't hear your "heroic acts" personally, but due to Sebek's garrulous mouthーand he can't simply keep this a secret to his Waka-sama!ーhe was informed how you defend him in front of many people. 

He would ask every detail, how it started and how it escalated to how it ended. Sebek wouldn't leave a single detail, though he supposed he could make you a little more "gallant and chivalrous" to his Young Master because you were the first one to stand up for him, and you are his lover, not his guard!

After hearing the full details from the extremely proud Sebekーand how he had already taught the impudent students a lesson for insulting himーMalleus had found himself teleporting next to you, that made you jump because it was so sudden. And he would hug you so suddenly and wordlessly. When you ask him why, he would just reply that he feels like you had done something so incredible for him that he wants to repay and spoil you in any way you desire.

Malleus does mind the insults, but he was more focused on you and how you stand up and hold your ground despite your soft-spoken self. He wished he could've seen you break out from your shell once again, but he won't force you to it. After all, there's plenty of time to rectify that and he would wait patiently on the day you showed all your sides to him.

[mental-jhinstability]

JhinThresh, and sharing horses

Encouraged by @jellyjames4444​ and the JhinThresh discord. I didn't mean for this to get so long but here we are! It's a little spicy in some spots, nothing explicit, but I do break it up and warn when it happens, so this is probably fine to read in public. Probably.

This concept can go two ways. Both of which are probably only yummy to me, but here we are?

First way:

Thresh on Jhin's horse. Considering the height difference he's kinda forced to go behind Jhin so Jhin can actually see where he's riding. Western saddles are not too massive as you know, so they are very close. Jhin is practically on Thresh's legs, if not just pressed hard against the horn of the saddle, but it's cuter with the latter turning in to the former. (Jhin being uncomfortable and moving backwards until he's pretty much behind help up by Thresh... jashfasgjga??) I like to headcanon Jhin would ride w neck rein, so one hand on the reins and the other kinda off to the side, either holding something or just resting on his leg. But since Jhin's practically on Thresh's lap, his hand probably ends up on Thresh's leg/thigh. Definitely intentional he would just never admit it or excuse it as a "habit" which is, as you know, a very convincing excuse.

On the topic of Thresh's hands? Please imagine one of Thresh's hands resting on Jhin's free hand. They are holding hands. And they will not say a WORD about this. Thresh's other hand would probably go around Jhin's waist but sometimes I like to imagine him holding Jhin's head up when he gets distracted by 'the scenery' (it's not the scenery that's distracting him ;]). Or other homoerotic posture corrections, whether it be arms or back. Take your pick. Also consider that Thresh would be like, right in Jhin's ear/above his head, so said posture corrections are delivered with a husky whisper in his ear and sorry I'm getting too self indulgent now but CONSIDER.

Might be a little NSFW, you can re-start reading at the next paragraph if you don't wanna see this but. Jhin being too distracted to pay attention to staying seated so when the horse trots he ends up bouncing/rubbing against Thresh unintentionally. They probably BOTH get really worked up/tense for however long they ride, and when they get off... this turns out however you want to imagine it.

Second way:

Jhin on Thresh's horse. Thresh does not ride with a saddle, only a neck rope. In this case however, Jhin can be on either side of Thresh. Being in front of him would go much the same except he'd have to hold on to Thresh's hands/the neckrope for dear life. Thresh using one hand to keep Jhin flush against him? Yes. Jhin not receiving this help and just having to put an INSANE amount of trust in Thresh to not let him fall off if it comes to that? Also yes.

Horny again, resume at next paragraph to skip this, but Thresh probably gets very very worked up regardless of if he helps or not because Jhin cannot stay seated bareback for the life of him, and as in the previous sidenote scenario this involves a lot of rubbing. The reason why I only mention Thresh is because Jhin is too busy trying to not fall off and crack open his skull like an egg to get horny.

Since Jhin usually rides with a saddle and riding bareback requires a ton MORE muscle than using a saddle, his legs probably hurt like hell after the whole thing so: consider Thresh having to carry Jhin around because he can barely walk after all that. Especially if this scenario takes place after Jhin gets off and pretends his legs aren't on fire and he's wobbling all over the place and Thresh has to forcibly pick him up. Augh. (Side note that Thresh would probably have to pick up Jhin to get him on the horse in the first place since I like to think Thresh would ride a draft horse and they're very tall compared to Jhin).

Now for Jhin behind Thresh, the leg pain thing is similar but probably a little better since he can hold on to Thresh but. He has to be flush against Thresh here too. And he has to hug on to him for dear life. Thresh being, well, Thresh, probably brings a hand back to rest on Jhin's hands which are around his abdomen--probably unconsciously because he wanted to be (somehow) closer to Jhin--and he can't explain himself. Jhin, on the other hand, has a whole CRISIS. Suddenly realises just how strong Thresh is, to be able to control his horse with no saddle and with only one hand. He becomes hyper aware of it. Can feel Thresh's muscles from the minimal amount of contact he has with his legs and back, probably also realises how massive Thresh is compared to him... guy is going through a whole awakening back there. Probably so glad he's got that little bandanna on because his face is a whole strawberry. This makes Thresh having to pick him up afterward so much worse because Jhin is going through his "oh no he's HOT" moment. Either he freaks out and tries to fight Thresh on it more than usual or is quieter than usual because he just wants it over with (and in the latter, if you want an almost OOC-soft Thresh, him checking Jhin for a fever because he's usually never that quiet and Jhin having to deal with Thresh touching his face after all this.)

This was going to be involved in the fic I'm writing but. Jhin and Thresh being absolutely soft for their horses and the other getting to see them being all vulnerable and soft and wishing it was them being loved on and cared for with such gentle touches and words and them having to come to terms with those feelings? Please consider that. That is all.

[violettelueur]

— ITADORI YUJI + FUSHIGURO MEGUMI + GOJO SATORU + RYOMEN SUKUNA || S/O THAT IS AN ANIME/MANGA LOVER

↳ featuring : itadori yuji + fushiguro megumi + gojo satoru + ryomen sukuna from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : grammar issues

↳ form : headcanons

↳ published : 17 april

↳ pronouns : non specified in headcanon

↳ request : Hi!! I would like to order a large headcanon "Itadori, Fushiguro, Gojo, and Sukuna with a s/o who loves watching anime and reading mangas" please. Thank you! Also, I love your writing and omg your playlist!!! *chef's kiss* Period.

↳ barista’s notes : i’m glad that you really love my playlist ╲ʕ·ᴥ·　╲ʔ also right now, i am planning the death painting arc and trying to add in my idea that i have hinted in an ask! so i can’t wait for you guys to read it when i get the chance to write it ʕ •ᴥ•ʔゝ☆ other than that, i hope you enjoy your cup of classic black coffee and please come again soon!

When Itadori finds out that you are an anime and manga lover, I feel like he would love you even more because you both have a common interest with each other now - like something he can talk about and share with you.

You and Itadori love suggesting manga to each other and sometimes you would suggest Josei manga to him (like Wotakoi) and in the beginning, he would be like “that isn’t really my type” but with a little persuasion and some pushing, he will take the time to read it.

Later on, he will become really invested in the characters’ relationship and will rant to you how the female is taking too long to confess or how cute the relationship is - basically, he has become more invested than you are.

Sometimes he will ask if you both could re-enact a romance scene together, it’s quite funny for him to ask because it’s just a normal kiss scene...but who is saying no?

He would also suggest manga series to you and of course, how could you even deny him when he is showing you an adorable face in a way to convince you to read it with him.

Instead of movie nights, there will be times where you guys would binge-watch a whole season one anime series and complain how there isn’t a season two at all - Fushiguro will complain about how loud you both are.

When you both go on date, you and Itadori will always end the day by going into a bookstore and pick out manga for each other because it’s interesting to see what you guys choose for each other - you will also buy some for yourselves but it’s fun!

There will be days (like your off day) where you and Itadori would just sit on his bed and read manga silently because it’s nice to feel each other’s presence.

Itadori will sometimes just say “amazing!” and show you what is happening which causes you to add that manga he is reading onto the list.

If you and Itadori are sorcerers, he will compare his powers to other characters from any manga he has read or anime he has watched - it’s like an amazing comparison to him.

Overall, anime and manga is another way to show your love to each other since you both can share everything with each other, but the time you both spend together is more appreciated as you and him are just living in the moment, away from the sorcery world.

Fushiguro seems like the type of person to ask why you are into this stuff - something like “isn’t this for kids?”

When you hit him for what he just said, he will now shut his mouth about his comment and just leave you to your little obsession.

However, over time when you are reading manga, he will peek over your shoulder to see what you are reading and is somewhat interested in the drawings and art that are on the pages.

He will question how much time it takes to draw one panel and how a story can be told with such little worlds and a few pictures.

Later one, he will ask for some suggestions from you and if you start with shounen manga to him, he will be amazed at how much detail is drawn into a fight scene - he will ask from time to time what is going on and please explain it to him.

When he goes to the bookstore to grab something to read since he has finished all of his, he will look at the manga section to pick up the next volume you need as well as the first volume of the manga you had recommended to him.

Like Itadori, he really likes it when you both cuddle and just read together in his dorm room - it’s just nice to feel each other’s presence.

When it comes to anime, he has learned from his past actions to not comment about “is this kid’s stuff” and will watch it with you to see what it is and to make you happy.

Later one, he will never admit it, but he really does get invested in the shows and will sometimes watch a few episodes ahead of you because he couldn’t wait until your next anime night.

Fushiguro also seems like the type to question some decisions the anime characters make because some of them are dumb - he’s also the type to ask why Asta from Black Clover is so loud.

Overall, Fushiguro slowly gets into your little hobby of anime and manga, but he isn’t too in love like you are. However, he does appreciate how you both spend time together with these things since he got to learn about you more.

When Gojo finds your stash of manga books in your room, he is the type that will tease you for it and comment on how much money you have spent since your shelf is full of manga books.

Of course, you would tease him back for spending so much money on sweets and he will pout at you while saying that he ‘can’t help it’.

Gojo is also the type of person that will flick through the manga book and will bend the spine of them causing you to beat him up because….just no.

He will buy you another copy because he now realises how precious your manga books are to you - he will complain that he is more precious than them.

Every time he makes a teasing comment about you reading manga, you will always hit him back with the whole ‘at least the boys are better boyfriends than you’ comment - he will pout at you before clinging on to you, telling you to take that back.

Gojo does like to snatch your manga book out of your hands when he feels like you are not paying him enough attention than he likes - he would say ‘I deserve more attention than this’.

Now when it comes to anime, Gojo will compare himself to all of the characters when it comes to fighting scenes.

Like “I can beat him”  or “She will lose to me instantly” - okay Gojo, we get it, you are the strongest sorcerer in all of Japan...shut up.

He is also the type to pause in the middle of the episode to kiss you because you are too concentrated on the episode and he wants one - he will compare his relationship with you to the anime couple by saying you are the better couple.

There will be times where he finds anime memes and will send them to you from time to time because he thinks they are funny to add to replicate his reaction.

Overall, Gojo just loves annoying you about your addiction to anime and manga since it just adds to the list of things he can make fun of you for when in reality he is also somewhat invested since he loves to comment during your episode from time to time.

Sukuna is the type to be so confused about why you love anime and manga, you should love him and him only…..selfish boy.

So when you are reading a manga book, he will stand in front of you with an annoyed look on his face because you should be paying attention to him and him only.

He is more confused about the number of manga books you have because he wonders how much money do you even have to maintain this obsession of yours.

He wouldn’t read with you, but there are times when he would hold you from behind and rest his chin on your shoulder to peer at what you are looking at.

If it’s a fight scene, he will comment on how much stronger he is and how he would beat them up in an instant.

If it’s a romantic scene, he will tease you by biting your neck before telling you that you both do more stuff than what the couple are doing right now.

Now when it comes to anime, Sukuna wouldn’t stop with the whole “I am the stronger one” comment as he would say that in every fight scene that you watch with him.

To be completely honest with you, I don’t think you are able to finish even one episode with him because he will distract you with every opportunity he gets.

Anime and chill…

However, if you are able to finish one episode with him by your side (I’m impressed with that...like wow) he will just be silent since I don’t think he had actually paid attention at all and just fell asleep during the middle of it.

Overall, Sukuna doesn’t take the time to understand or know why you love anime and manga, he is the type to let you do what you want to do with the case that you give him the attention he believes he deserves.

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost