#(then there is the other thought that is 'oh humanity probably stops using angel affectionately+ did you fall from heaven pick up lines')

[godzexperiment]

if anybody wants to plot/get threads going or chat ooc i'm around (might consider logging into, sharing my d.iscord even)

[timelessxmemories]

ᎡᏆՏᎬՏ ͲᎻᎬ ᎷϴϴΝ..

╰☆☆ A Bᴀᴄᴋɢʀᴏᴜɴᴅ Sʏɴᴏᴘꜱɪꜱ ;; Sᴛᴀʀʟɪɢʜᴛ. ☆☆╮

🇹 🇦 🇬 🇸 ;; @miss-midnightt , @the-main-characters , @gmanwhore , @ghostlyplacetobe , @ren-not-rennie , @ihugmomo

Growing up, Starlight never really ever had any family to begin with. She was alone for most of her entire childhood and teenage years, she oftentimes felt very pressured to achieve higher expectations than most as well as being the 'savior' of sorts for those around her due to her being an angel. She never actually fully understood why she was always the one people came to for guidance and advice, she was just like them, right? A normal person trying to live their life? False.

She was always so so much more than just some average human being. She was a goddess, the one who was to protect and to serve everyone as they so desire. But because she was only a child at the time, this was a lot of stress for a girl to take on, which led into her running away, because running away from your problems is a frequent occurrence in this family for some reason.

So she ran away at the age of 14, she ended up living in the woods for the rest of her teenage years because, hey, no one around = no issues, right? Yeah, well, unfortunately for her at the time, she was becoming increasingly anti-social and constantly going hungry and becoming dehydrated due to living out in the woods for all those years and not really knowing how to fend for herself. See, she wasn't exactly the smartest, she ran away out of impulse and didn't want to go back there because she's stubborn and fully believes she's capable of managing herself with absolutely no help! Boy, was she wrong.

During her time alone, isolated and probably starving in the woods, she ended up finding out that oh shit, celestial magic is a thing while she was pretending to use magic that she thought she didn't have (as one does) and it turned out she did in fact have magic! Wow! Who woulda known?? Regardless, she found out she had Celestial magic, and at the time, she had no clue what her magic was called so she gave it the name of: 'super cool glittery magic that's super cool.'

Continuing on, she continued to practice her magic until she was fairly decent at it, which was up until the age of 21, and that's when the bastard(affectionate) came into the picture! A young man by the name of Simon Hojo was a bit lost in the woods because for some reason he thought it would be a brilliant idea to wander off into the woods without any sort of map whatsoever away from campus! (Again, as one does) And that's when he stumbled across a secluded area in the woods while trying not to freak out because where the actual living fuck was he??? And because Starlight hasn't seen another living being other than the insects and animals around the woods, she instantly uses her magic on him, knocking him back into a tree, and Hojo just stares at her in awe because wowie, pretty angel woman who can and will murder you?? Yes, please! Keep in mind he probably has a fractured shoulder because of this. Thanks, Starlight!

This results in Starlight flying up high using her wings and attempting to hide in a tree away from the man who is for some reason here. Hojo on the other hand, stands up, groaning in pain because owie, shoulder is injured, but instead of getting mad or doing something about his shoulder, all he can really do is just, stare at Starlight in utter disbelief because woah???

Starlight soon realizes that Hojo isn't leaving anytime soon, so she gives a long ass sigh and finally comes down from the tree, looking at him with suspicion, Hojo introduces himself as Simon Hojo, a university student majoring in sciences and what-not, and then Starlight introduced herself as, well, Starlight your local forest dweller which got a laugh out of the young man, but he quickly stopped laughing as he realized that, oh, she's serious.

So, Hojo being Hojo, decides its a great time to bombard her with dozens of questions which he does! And Starlight answers literally none of them. Why? Because why would she tell someone she just met everything about her, that's weird. Hojo reluctantly accepts this and offers her some food, Starlight takes it without hesitation and fucking inhales it, which results in Hojo staring at her in even more disbelief.

A few years pass by and Hojo won't leave her alone. Girl just wants to be alone but man ain't taking a hint. Anyways, Hojo's still around, pestering this poor woman, however, Starlight is slowly growing more and more fond of this man despite how absolutely annoying and difficult he can be for her. The two begin to get to know each other way more than they have in the beginning.

Hojo then pulls a disappearing act for 2 years straight and now Starlight's sad because where friend?? And then he shows back up! But he looks a little older and a bit different now, his hair is still short, and he's still wearing his rectangle framed glasses, but he's also wearing neater clothing like a button up and for some reason a lab coat, Starlight upon seeing him doesn't exactly recognize him but once she does she tackles him, which ends up in Hojo breaking his glasses.

Anywho, the two are finally reunited, yay! This is where things start to get a little messy, if they aren't already. Hojo seems to be a little more on edge than 2 years prior, he's far more paranoid and uneasy, as if he's half expecting something or someone to appear. Starlight notices this right away and asks him whats the matter, Hojo replies with his concern that something will happen to her if he continues to visit her due to the others having their suspicions. Starlight asks who the others are and Hojo explains that they are other scientists and researchers. Starlight then asks him why he's so concerned for her safety and he explains that it's because she's an angel and he might be forced to run tests on her and such, this sets Starlight off and causes her to back away in fear, Hojo quickly stops her after he hears a pair of footsteps from in the trees and he turns around, and there stands Hollander with this shit-eating grin plastered onto his face.

A year passes by and now Starlight is being kept in the underground facility unit in Shinra thanks to Hollander. Hojo is trying his hardest to keep her safe and make sure she's, y'know, alive?? During that time however, Hojo soon ends up realizing that oh shit, he's fallen in love with this woman??? And then he pieces it together and he realizes that that's the reason why he feels so oddly protective over her.

Hojo being Hojo, decides to tell her right away, Starlight, utterly confused at the sudden revelation asks for some time before giving her answer, he gives her that time and she soon realizes that fuck, the feeling is mutual. Cool. The two are now in a relationship.

A few months pass by and Starlight is finally aloud to wander the lab, but she adjusts fairly quickly to her surroundings despite them being so odd. This is when things get serious. Not for us! For them you dumbass! Anyways! Hojo proposes, what?? Starlight accepts, what???

Skipping ahead two years, they're now married and Lock is brought into the world, their little girl, the baby, literally. Hojo is very happy that he has a baby girl now by the way, he's genuinely like, actually happy. He treats his baby girl like a damn princess, Starlight finds it very endearing.

When Lock turns 1, Hojo and Starlight are very delighted because funnily enough, on her first birthday, that's when Lock finally said her first word, which turned out to be: pickle. Because at the time, Starlight had a pickle in her hand and was trying to bribe Lock to walk over to her with it because little baby Lock was super fascinated with the pickle for absolutely no reason other than oooh funny colour. When she said her first word, Hojo had to do a double take and ask her to say it again which she did, very very happily, Hojo was kind of disappointed because he wanted her first word to be dad, Starlight only laughed and embraced it.

And then the end of the line finally came for Starlight the day after Lock's 3rd birthday, she was going to be put through more tests, but this time they weren't secure, she was afraid she wasn't going to survive and she couldn't bare the thought of leaving her child and husband behind, so she did what she had to do, run and, well, leave her husband and child behind, contradicting I know, but she knew she wasn't going to make it out so she left Lock in Hojo's hands, and when Starlight finally escaped the lab, she was surrounded by Shinra officers and Hollander standing in front of her with a gun in hand, she knew this was how it was going to end. Hojo tried to stop Hollander, but in the end, it wasn't of any use. Starlight was now dead, and Lock was now without a mother and Hojo without a wife.

It was the end of a legacy. Starlight left behind so many wonderful things in the end, she didnt die in vain, she died protecting and serving her family to the best of her abilities. And in the end, the moon still rises.

[jade-parcels]

The genshin men: fatherhood edition

With: Childe, Zhongli, Kaeya, Diluc, Xiao, Venti, Albedo and Baizhu

—————————

Childe:

Ajax loves kids and he’ll make that known early on in your relationship

Like...This man wants five or more kids but he’ll settle for four. He dreams of a big family, getting to surround himself with you and your kids every night for family dinners, everyone getting together for big birthday parties or reunions! That’s his dream life! Plus, in Snezhnaya, most families have more than two kids anyways

He will cry so hard when his babies are placed in his arms for the first time, I mean he’s a mess. Nose is running, eyes puffy, lost of sniffling lmao he is so excited to be a dad!! Don’t you dare tell the other Harbingers how much he cried...What do you mean you took a picture when he wasn’t looking??? Hey??!?!

With his obscene amount of mora, he’ll buy a huge house that will accommodate everyone. Anything you want will be purchased that day or within 48 hours, the same goes for the kids

But they’ll all learn to be thankful for what they have. They’ll learn to fight, fish and speak multiple languages. He has high expectations but let’s face it, he’ll be proud of them no matter what

You’re gonna have to be the one to put your foot down though because Ajax doesn’t enjoy being the ‘mean parent’, he has trouble saying no to the kiddos which can create some tension between you and your husband. He has good intentions of course!! He doesn’t wanna say no to those cute, freckled faces!!

Zhongli:

Zhongli is nervous about having kids because he’s immortal. So this will go one of two ways. 1. You have the baby and the baby ends up not being immortal (or you adopt a baby who is not immortal) Then he loses you both. OR 2. You have the baby and it inherits his immortality and becomes an adeptus. Now he and the baby will have to watch you die while they both life forever.

Either way...It hurts him to think about because he loves you!! He wants to have a family with you!! He wants to give you that perfect family life every human desires!! But he’s torn

You two will just have to figure it out.

Zhongli will be a strong, male figure for your kid(s) and he will instill that traditional kindness and respect into their behavior. ‘Please’ and ‘thank you’ always, always offer to help someone who needs it, do good deeds and you will feel accomplished, be the best you you can be, alway try your hardest because that’s all that matters

He will be sure that your kid(s) always feel loved ALWAYS. Zhongli will tell them stories, cook for them, take them to school, anything that needs to be done. When you’ve had a rough day, he’ll step in to take over for the night without being asked. He shows interest in everything your kid(s) like and he will do his damn best to display every piece of artwork they make or every pretty rock they find

He...will make a great dad :’)

Kaeya:

Ooooh brother, at first Kaeya says no he doesn’t want kids but...Then he starts thinking about it

He observes the happy families that walk around the cobblestone streets of Mondstadt, how the kiddos smile and laugh with their parents. He’ll patrol in the afternoons, usually rounding the corner just in time to see the city’s kids leave school for the day, watching as they all run down the street to go home to their parents or play in the fountain together...Yeah, that really warms his heart

He’d want one or two kids, preferably two to avoid an only child being lonely. He isn’t on the best terms with Diluc but he can admit that they had a great childhood together, playing at the winery and running around as brothers do

Kaeya would be a very patient, understanding father. He doesn’t have much of a temper so he’d use the kids’ mistakes as learning opportunities instead of getting upset at them

He would be obsessed with the kids when they’re babies though oh man if you thought you had baby fever, he has it times ten! He loves holding the baby, watching with a twinkling eye as his baby grasps his thumb with its tiny hand... adorable

And if your kids inherited his eyes, his star shaped pupils that his ancestors passed down to him...He’s gonna get emotional

Everyone at the knights’ headquarters and the Angel’s Share will get sick of him REALLY fast cause he won’t stop bragging about how cute and smart his kids are lmao

Diluc:

Diluc would be such a soft dad don’t even get me started

He loves you so much of course he wants to have kids with you! Is that even a question?? He won’t be the one to bring it up unless he gets the feeling that you want kids but once you ask, he’ll agree so fast

He’ll be grateful to even have one kid with you :’) and he’ll be fine with however many kids YOU want. You want one kid? Perfect! You want four? No problem, the manor is big enough for ten! You...you want ten...? Time to hire some more maids then lmao

Diluc is a worry wart though, he’ll be afraid to hold the baby, feed it, bathe it, he’s terrified of hurting the baby or the baby suddenly hating him. So just help him out!! Cause when he gets comfortable with the baby, he’ll be in full dad mode

He isn’t embarrassed to walk around the manor, conducting business with a baby strapped to his chest!

Diluc is a very kind, gentle dad who will always offer helpful solutions to the kiddos’ problems. He’ll make sure all of their needs are met while also trying to avoid spoiling them... Too much... There will be a fair amount of spoiling...

His own father wasn’t too affectionate with him so that’s why he’ll be affectionate with his kids! Hugs and kisses when he tucks them in at night, big dad hugs when they get home from school, holding their hands in the busy streets of Mondstadt. His father was a great dad! He just aims to be better.

Xiao:

Like Zhongli, he worries about the mortality thing. Since he’s an Adeptus, his kid will certainly be an Adeptus too if you have kids together.

He also worries that his kid(s) will hate him. His duty is to kill demons which means that rain or shine, holidays, special occasions, day or night he’s gotta be ready to go slaughter demonic beings. So he’ll inevitably miss out on important stages in the kiddos’ lives

And admittedly... He’ll be scared of his kids lmao

They’re screaming, crying, barfing, pooping, laughing, screaming again...He can’t predict their behavior. It’s unsettling. All of that goes away one night when you sit him down and place your sleeping baby in his arms. His eyes go wide...And he just watches. This tiny, little baby...Feels no fear for him. It’s comforted by his presence. He almost cries...ALMOST

He’s still pretty much the same Xiao we all know and love but now he has a kid. “Slaying demons is what I do...Hey, go back inside and finish your dinner. Yes, even your vegetables. I don’t care that you don’t like them-...Fine. Don’t tell your mother, bring them to me. I’ll eat them” cute :)

He’s a protective dad and husband, he’d never let anyone or anything harm his beloved family

Venti:

Venti....does not want kids. He thinks they’re cute! He likes the idea of kids but he knows he wouldn’t enjoy actually having kids

You two already have so much fun together!! You don’t need a kid!! You guys have dogs!! Dogs are like kids! But they’re more independent and they’re cuter!

He’ll feel bad if you want kids and he doesn’t, he really will! But it’ll be nearly impossible to convince him cause he’s made his mind up :/

Venti’ll make it up to you somehow though, he’ll take you out more and show you all of the adventures you guys can have if there aren’t kids around

But for the sake of fatherhood headcanons, let’s pretend he gave in. Venti would be a very caring dad. He would cuddle the hell out of this kiddo and sing to them :’) the only problem is that Venti doesn’t like being tethered to one place for too long so he tends to take off and not come back for a few days... :(

Albedo:

Albedo wants kids mostly just to see what fatherhood would be like. He’s always been curious about what that part of his life would be like so why not have a kid

He’d be good with one kid, two at most cause after practically raising Klee, he knows how some kids can be and...He doesn’t have the mental capacity for more than two kids at a time lmao

He tries his best to show more emotion in his face. We all know he usually sits like this 😐 and goes ‘wow im so happy right now’. If you didn’t know him, you’d think he was bored out of his mind right? So he’s gotta work on that. And when he musters up a smile for the baby and it smiles back at him????? Yeah...He’s gonna try to smile a lot more now

He definitely softens up once he becomes a dad, he shows emotion more than he used to and surprisingly, he takes time off of work. Shocker, I know! He decides that he’s been in the lab long enough and that he wants to be able to be there for these moments with you and his kid(s) :’) :’) He trusts Sucrose and Timaeus to take over for him for a couple hours

He keeps a journal for each kid and writes down the date and time they have their firsts or just interesting things they do ->

- 8/4: Baby sees and plays with a cat for the first time

- 9/5: Baby smacked me in the face and laughed so hard she threw up

-9/12: Baby learns that pulling my hair gets my attention. She now continues to do so

-10/15: Baby stays at Aunt Klee’s house for the first time

Baizhu:

Baizhu really loves kids, he works with them a lot and he considers Qiqi to be his daughter anyway but in terms of you guys having a kid together, with his condition he can probably only handle one kid running around

He will do his absolute best to be a good dad. Even if he feels like death, he’ll help change diapers, feed the baby, care for it when you need a break. He isn’t contagious so when you’re sleeping and he feels gross, he’ll sit back against the pillows with the baby on his chest, the three of you resting together (though he doesn’t fall asleep...that would be dangerous for the baby)

Baizhu already tends to nag at you about your health and lifestyle choices but now?? He’ll be a menace. He’ll be constantly evaluating your baby’s condition, checking to see if a certain food is giving them a rash or making sure their skin isn’t drying out. He’s hyper aware of your baby’s health and will be the one to treat them if they get sick

He’s a busy guy since he runs the pharmacy but he will always do his best to be present for your baby’s big milestones! And when your kid cries cause Baizhu’s medicine tastes like shit, he’ll do his best to not be disappointed in their reaction lmao

When you leave him alone with the baby, he’ll wrap a scarf around himself to tie the baby to his chest while he works and...he looks so cute :) dad baizhu <3 <3 <3 <3

Bonus points for him buying the baby toy medical equipment so he can get your kiddo interested in medicine :)

[isagrimorie]

[initial reactions] Doctor Who - Revolution of the Daleks

TLDR: I liked it! But I do have some nitpicks. But bottom line, I liked it! Especially the exit! 

Apologies going in, if it’s rambling and incoherent.

First off, I’m going to get my criticisms out of the way:

- They really need to hire these two people:

a) Sensitivity readers

b) They need to have people of color in charge of casting. Andy Pryor has done a great job casting people but. Since they opened up casting more actors of color to be more diverse... most people in guest roles die. So it ends up being Not A Great Look.

It’s the kind of breezy: We’re hiring more actors of color without really considering the optics of it. Colorblind casting in this way shouldn’t be colorblind. More diversity behind the scenes is needed, especially in casting.

Colorblind casting isn’t representation. Execs have to consider how it looks that a black man is helping create ‘Security Drones’ for the government.

c) I get why Jack Robertson lived, and I’m actually okay with it because I know Chibbs is going somewhere and he’s interconnecting Specials to be their own kind of continuity, so next Special or series we will have Robertson appearing. But I can’t believe the Doctor believed Robertson. Unless she’s really learned from not interfering with politics, but man I wish there’s more vindication to that. I do have a sense of where this is going though, more on that later.  

d) I wish they’d gone harder with the Dalek = Police thing.

e) I really kind of wish the Doctor escaped on her own.

And now for my thoughts and the happy!

RYAN! I LOVE RYAN. I LOVE RYAN BEING EMOTIONALLY MATURE AND PUSHING BACK ON THE DOCTOR. It felt... earned that they do and, Ryan’s always been the more hesitant of the three and the more grounded. I love that it’s Ryan that the Doctor confided in, I’ve always felt like Ryan was the one Thirteen connected to the most after Grace died. And I love his development, ever since Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos Ryan is the first to quote the Doctor back to herself from the guns rule and now here to ‘New can be scary’, reminding the Doctor of her own words.

But also, I love that Ryan felt more connected to Earth, with his friends. Yaz was always the one who looks to the horizon. I like that Ryan pushed back on the smokescreen the Doctor tried to put up. Ryan was tired of the smokescreen. He had 10 months to work on his feelings about it and realized... he liked being home.

I wish we saw more what they were doing at home, like what Chibnall wrote for the Ponds in Power of Three. I did see this was his arc he was building to.

I liked that Graham was torn but eventually his loyalties are with Ryan.

I honestly think the fam thought the Doctor was just gone for a week, her time.

Also: FINALLY A COMPANION EXIT WHERE THEY’RE THE ONES WHO WALK AWAY. And because it’s time.

NO MORE TRAPPED IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE OR DYING OR BEING CONVERTED PLEASE. Anyway, that is why I was vindicated because I was getting pretty antsy at all the twitter posts almost gleeful at the thought of companion death.

Nope. No more please. No more world ending, universe ending, heartbreaking ends. I want a Jo Grant walk away, and that is what happened. (Er, I hope we don’t get a Tegan leaving from Yaz, though. Sad and disillusioned walk away).

Yaz. Oh, dear, Yaz, who seems to have tossed her career away running after the Doctor’s shining star. I loved her conversation with Jack, he was a nice contrast and sounding board. Also, Jack was much kinder to the Doctor because they didn’t miss each other, the Doctor (according to RTD’s retcon) deliberately left Jack on Satellite Five.

Yaz is willing to run and jump without looking because of the Doctor and I love that we got her feelings about this.

And, of course, the Doctor. The moment Ryan said she missed 10 months, I felt she knew the clock was ticking on her ‘fam’. She’s trying to be good to them and do right by them.

(The Doctor knows Ryan’s ready to leave, she knew it. She’s trying to be in denial about it. But she knows).

It’s a small detail but when she processed the ‘ten months’ bit, she quickly looked to Ryan. Because if it’s one of the subtext things around is that she wanted to be a better father to Ryan than his real dad. But she still skipped out on him unknowingly.

The way he just brushed it off, because the worst part is. Ryan is used to it.

It’s sad that the Doctor opening up to the fam was brought on after a decades’ long solitary, and probably a promise to be better. But, she calculated wrong, or the TARDIS deliberately chose to go to that time. Whatever the case, just when she’s opening up to them is when Ryan decided his time with the Doctor was at an end.

God, the moment when Thirteen said: “Mostly... angry.”

I felt this. hard.

I think it was @ssaalexblake​ who mentioned that Thirteen acknowledging she’s angry might help with all of Thirteen’s repressed anger issues. And I think these are baby steps towards that.

She’s actually been so angry for so long, but she kept pushing it down. Like I said, Thirteen, in a way, reminds me of Raylan Givens of Justified. People think he’s mild mannered, but as his ex-wife amicably opined, Raylan was the angriest man she knew.

And I feel this for this Doctor but at least, now she’s addressing it. The first step in fixing a problem, is identifying the problem.

This was made in 2019. Thirteen being in a repeating lockdown felt very 2020 to me. The things that made me go: Oof, was the Harry Potter thing, the Doctor’s always loved HP. Unfortunately it’s post-2020 hindsight where we go: whoof.

I love Thirteen still mouthing off and being obnoxious towards other Doctor Who baddies. The Weeping Angel thing is cool and so are the Silents. BUT ALSO THE DOCTOR CALLED THE P’TING TINY! AND SHE TRIED TO EAT THE PRISON BARS. 

And then, of course, being more obnoxious with the Daleks. It’s pretty clear the difference in rawness of the Doctor’s feelings for the Daleks and the Cybermen. The Daleks’s an old ember. Her feelings for them are ice cold. A purity of feeling. The Daleks are evil and she has no compunction on killing them, the Cybermen? More personal and a raw nerve.

She’s willing to be cold towards the Daleks. 

I really like that Yaz has more skin in the game, and she knows what she can lose now. And after her talking with Jack, after seeing his perspective on it, and from his words knows that sometimes the Doctor just disappears from people’s lives.

And I love the pushback:

Skewered.

But true because she is trying to stay still and be with the fam and not leave them. But the unfortunate truth is, the Doctor does run away, and the Doctor does leave people behind and a lot of the times, the Doctor doesn’t come back because they’re an emotional coward.

The thing about Thirteen is she’s probably the longest of the Doctors to not disappoint her companions. She’s always managed to stop bad guys and always been there for them.  It’s an impressive track record for the Doctor. She’s built herself up in their eyes as someone they can rely on, and then she failed them by not getting back to them in time.

It’s not her fault, and none of them know how long it’s been for the Doctor, by the way she’s asked them I feel like they think she’s only been gone for a week.

Honestly, I’m impressed how the Doctor didn’t make it about her -- being in prison for longer than they thought. She’s looking at it from their point of view, because she already knows what big leaps in time would affect her friends.

TBH Revolution of the Daleks felt like shades of Last Christmas in that the Doctor regretted missing out time with her companion/s. In Last Christmas, the Doctor got his time back with Clara, in RotD, time passed.

Back to the Doctor and the Daleks tho.

This reminded of Twelve’s: “You are monsters. That is the role you seem determined to play. So it seems I must play mine. The Man that stops the Monsters.”

(Look, Chibnall’s Moffat references aren’t as sledgehammer, but he does reference a lot of Moffat’s things.).

Except with Thirteen, I’m actually more terrified. Jodie does this thing where her eyes goes black and she kind of disappears into herself, this is what happened here. This promise isn’t actually good IMO.

This is not a comforting face. This is a ‘I’m gonna kill a whole boatload of Daleks face and I’m not sorry, in fact I might enjoy doing that’ face.

(And, a brief aside to Robertson, I feel like the Specials have their own kind of special ‘movie’ continuity and more of his story will play out in the Specials, where hopefully he will get his comeuppance because, to me, I feel that’s where it’s going. This is more groundwork laying.

I don’t like it when the Doctor interferes with Human affairs, especially government -- because look what happened with Harriet Jones and how the Doctor broke the Golden Age. Also, I don’t want real world leaders to exist in the Whoverse because I want them to have a completely different track from us. So. Yeah, New Year’s Specials have their ongoing storyline. I’m actually not mad about it, and I enjoy Mr. Big’s performance. He’s a sleezeball. A sleezeball that knows more now. (He isn’t T rump but he isn’t better either). At least I find him enjoyable and not outright offensive. I’m okay seeing him again for the next Specials. I hope next time he does get his comeuppance.)

Now, the goodbyes:

 The HUG.

We’ve been waiting for the Doctor to be more physically affectionate with the fam, and it took the Doctor being locked down for decades (maybe?), and Ryan and Graham leaving for her to hug them. And we’re all right, Thirteen gives great hugs.

The feeling Thirteen’s been running away from is here, sadness. It’s good that Yaz decided to stay other wise... she’s just going to run headlong into forgetting her problems, Doctor Style.

And again, learning and re-learning things: ‘It’s okay to be sad.’

Oh, Thirteen.

(Before Twelve, I don’t think I was this sympathetic to the Doctor -- no wait, I was with Nine. Ten and Eleven tested my patience but it’s with Twelve and Thirteen where I’m 100% invested in the Doctor.

I also love that they’re kind of soft touching the Timeless Child thing, and as someone on twitter mentioned, this feels like an examination of an adoption story. The Doctor is going to search for their identity, their home).

I honestly wish Jack stayed in the TARDIS with Thirteen and Yaz. Jack’s a great balance, especially pushing back at the Doctor and her tactics. Her NUCLEAR tactics. I am glad that the Doctor’s still a dick to Jack, not much of an asshole as they were when the Doctor was Ten but still a dick.

Also, one thing I really love about Barrowman is that when he’s in Doctor Who, he knows it’s not his show and he doesn’t showboat, and the man can showboat. 

I’d rather Jack than random guy that I didn’t even know was gonna happen until very late.

Anyway, TLDR to all this: I enjoyed this very much! Still a lot to be parsed through in things that needs to be parsed through as I mentioned, but on the whole? I loved it.

[prose-for-hire]

How btvs characters would celebrate their s/o’s Birthday:

Characters include: Buffy; Spike; Angel; Giles; Cordelia; Oz; Willow; Tara; Xander; Anya; Riley and Faith

A/N: This is completely self-indulgent – it’s my Birthday! Yay !! There’s a few tiny sex references in these hcs but it’s mostly just up to interpretation I think 💖🖤

[Under the cut cos it’s quite long - I got excited !! 💖]

Buffy Summers:

- She would have a plan

- The plan may not exactly work out exactly how she wanted it to

- But either way it would be perfect to you

- She would plan a surprise party at the Bronze

- She would make sure everyone kept quiet

- (she wouldn’t even tell Dawn there was a party)

- She would want you at the centre of attention

- National y/n day

- she worried you usually would fade into the background cos she always has some slayer stuff to do

- she just wanted one moment where she could show you how much you mean to her

- she was very secretive, but you honestly hadn’t expected anything

- You were just happy to be hers so the fact she was doing this was secondary to your love

- It was T-ten minutes until you were about to walk through that door and who appears?

- A vampire, of course.

- Buffy scowled, storming up to the demon and screamed in his face that he had just ruined a month of planning

- He put his hands up in mock-surrender before dropping it and saying the fight didn’t stop for anyone

- Buffy traded blows and managed to stake the vampire (it was her PB time too)

- But this had all happened… Just as you walked in

- You coughed, spluttering slightly at the dust but you were quickly distracted by everyone’s shouts of ‘Happy Birthday!’

- You smiled, dusting yourself off and wrapping your arms around Buffy

- She looked a bit upset about the dust but you told her it was perfect

- It was the way you both lived and she had managed to do all of this with only a minor attack

- You loved it, all of your friends were there and you got presents and great live music

- She had gotten everything so right

- You danced and had the best time, feeling so loved with your girlfriend by your side

Spike:

- he would have remembered a week in advance

- Mostly cos he overheard you saying it to someone

- He didn’t forget he just wasn’t used to celebrating birthdays

- But of course once he realised he was trying to pull together some kind of plan

- (Although he’s not great at plans, evil plots or birthdays bless)

- He wanted to show you how much he loved you

- But nothing seemed enough

- He made Dawn and some of your more agreeable friends brainstorm with him

- Over what you would like

- Dawn insisted on a party so he just nodded

- The day came and he gave you your gift

- It was so meaningful

- And he even wrote a little bit of poetry

- Almost snatched it from you and tore it up as you read it

- But you gushed over it and absolutely adored it

- So he grinned and you embraced

- Then It was party time! at the Bronze

- He put his good shirt on and took your hand and lead you inside

- Very affectionate, always with a hand on you

- An arm around you, whispers and kisses

- Barely left your side

- So much so that it might as well have just been the two of you

- You had loads of fun with the Scoobies, dancing and laughing

- But as soon as Spike gestured with his head you nodded

- Took his hand and you both skipped the rest of the party

- Knowing the night was young and there would be plenty more celebrations to be had in the crypt

Anya:

- She would be giddy

- She would have such grand, sometimes outlandish plans

- Some too grand to actually be able to pull off

- She wouldn’t be able to keep any secret

- She’s very clingy and involved with a s/o

- So would want it all to be everything you loved

- Would glow if you said all you needed was her

- Absolutely would gush and throw her arms around you

- With that adorable excited smile

- She would plan a big day out

- She’s very adventurous in all aspects of her life

- She would decide on something you would love

- Maybe settle for the beach or she may ask what you would prefer

- Would insist on paying for everything

- The entire day

- If you express surprise at her spending so easily

- She will scrunch up her nose and tell you of course she would spend money on you

- Happily so

- The reason she wants to make more is so that you and her can be comfortable

- Together, just the two of you

- She would choose a really great gift

- It would be wrapped to perfection

- So nicely you wouldn’t want to unwrap it – it was a gift in itself

- You would drive to your destination and she would hold your hand as you walked around

- She may complain a little if it’s a lot of walking

- But she would definitely be enjoying herself

- Would whisper sweet things in your ear

- And you would find a cute little place to have a meal

- It would be very intimate

-  And so very soft

- Both of you would cherish the memory of this birthday for years to come

Angel:

- Would be really anxious about getting it right

- You deserve everything to go right

- Wants you to enjoy yourself, to do something you would truly enjoy

- Would be bugging people asking for advice

- Which isn’t like him to initiate conversation

- Especially not with Xander

- But he wanted it to be exactly what you like

- Not outdated or boring

- Just perfect

-  And to do that he had to recruit your friends opinions

- Which were contradictory and at times he decided they were making fun of him

- (they thought he wouldn’t know any better)

- But despite all of this he planned the perfect evening

-  Some was a little old fashioned

- Probably a sit down meal

-  He would have cooked himself

-  All of your favourites, he wouldn’t taste it while he was cooking

- He doesn’t really do human food

- But you wouldn’t even have to pretend it tasted good

- You joked that he was annoyingly good at everything

- He gave you the sweetest most thoughtful gift

- Probably something small but oh so meaningful

- You noticed how nervous he had been leading up to today

- You put your hand over his

- You look at him softly, that way that makes him feel so loved

- So sure that this is real

- telling him that he was all you wanted

- It was a perfect day so long as he was by your side

- He grinned in that way he did, looking down

- Feeling more reassured

- Before reaching for you and scooping you up into the biggest hug

- He pressed some soft kisses against your forehead

- Your cheek

- The rest of your birthday evening spent in bed together

Giles:

- It would be an intimate affair, whatever you were doing

- Just the two of you

- Just exactly how you both like

- All you wanted was him anyway

- You insisted you didn’t want any presents

- Only him

- He was so attentive and adoring anyway

- But a little extra today

- He just wanted to do everything you wanted

- It would be your choice all day long

- You get to make all the decisions

- (if you hate decision-making he will ofc take over cos its your birthday lol)

- He’ll want to treat you through out the day

- Lots of small gifts through the day

- Just everything you adore

- Because you deserve all the sweetest little things

- He will take you in his arms, pressing the sweetest kiss to your forehead

- Whispering how much he loves you

- How much he loves this time of year

- Because it gives him the excuse to show you even more so how much he loves you

- He would bring you breakfast in bed and then the rest would be up to you

- You, of course, just want to spend the day with him

- You reach for him and pull him into you

- He would slide into bed beside you

- You would stay in bed together

- just you and him, cherishing the other

- long into the afternoon

- It’s purely bliss

Cordelia Chase:

- She would have a gift for every day of that week

- You would have a birthday week with her involved

- Showering you with gifts

- Some grand, some little tiny things that she saw and thought of you

- You would literally not doubt her love for you

-  Her dedication

- And this was her way of showing it, you knew that

- She loved your birthday because she could spend time showing you just how much you meant to her

- She would want to have a big party for you

- Make everyone bring lots of gifts for you

- Literally wouldn’t let people in without at least two medium sized presents

- Or one massive present

- But she was open to suggestions

- (although she definitely got caught up in her vision for the day)

- She could definitely enjoy an intimate moment with you as well

- In the afternoon, before the party

- She would give you a main present

- It’s something you mentioned you liked in a store

- Like seven months ago

- And she remembered!

- Because you mean so much to her

- She’ll smile so big when you tell her how much you love it

- She’ll take you to the party, showing you off

- Won’t leave your side

- You’ll dance and sing

- Just soak up the entire evening

- You can’t believe just how lucky you are to have her

Oz:

- Tells you he has a gig on your birthday

- Can’t get out of it

- Really apologetic

- You say you don’t mind

- He offers you to come

- And you smile wide

- Pleased that despite the inconvenience he would want to spend even a brief break between sets with you

- Would have got you the most thoughtful and meaningful present

- He would have listened to everything you had ever expressed interest in

- He’s a really good listener

- And makes it a point of pride that he knows you this well

- So it was the big day and you travelled together to the bar

- He smiled and lead you in

- Everyone shouted and cheered when you arrived

- It was a surprise party

- With all your best friends

- The biggest surprise was that he planned it himself

- That soft smile when he saw how shocked and pleased you were

- He’ll have pulled you into him

- And pressed the softest kiss against your forehead

- He completely doted on you

- Wanted you to have everything

- So much so he felt a little bad for deceiving you

- But your excitement made it all worth it

- His band would actually play

-  A few of your favourite songs

- Or some of the songs that were undoubtedly written about you

- Maybe even a little cheesy happy birthday at the end of their mini-set

- He would come back after that and you would celebrate into the night

- With all your favourite people around you

- Such a perfect day!

Faith:

- She would be a bit embarrassed about how enthusiastic she was

-  About just everything about you really

- She would totally have a plan

- She would just be ridiculously embarrassed about it

- And try to play it off as cool

- Or that it wasn’t a big deal if you didn’t want to

- (she would actually die inside if you would rather do something else)

- But of course you want her

- And you tell her this a lot

- She glows when you do this

- She adores having your attention

- She gets that you are very good to her, you reassure her often

- Look out for her

- So she wants to basically pull out all the stops

- In her own way

- She’s been saving up

- For quite a long time

- Wanted to show you just how much she loves you

- You have reservations at Sunnydale’s fanciest restaurant

- There’s champagne: the works

- You’re confused but you smile at her, holding her hand over the table

- It’s nice that people are having to treat you both with such respect

- But you both bite into your meals and make the same face

-  Of absolute disgust

- The food is overpriced

-  And horrible

- You both look at each other, the same glint in your eye

- You take the bottle and dash for it together

- Laughing and eventually slowing

- You stop after a while, sharing the end of the champagne

- And kiss her

- You turn in and find your favourite fast food joint instead

- You’re both just on such a high

- Probably the best birthday ever

-  It felt like it was just you and her

Riley:

- He had precise plans

-  Well-thought out in advance

- You truly are the most important to him

- Plan was conducted with army-style accuracy

- So that you could have the best day

- He set up a little scavenger hunt

- Only small but so very cute and meaningful

- All around town

- With love notes and little gifts along the way

- It was truly the sweetest thing

- It melted your heart

- And his little puppy-dog look

- Of enthusiasm and excitement when you find the next clue

- Almost more excited than you

- It’s completely adorable

- You wrap your arms around him and cuddle into him

- Smiling wide when he wraps his arms around you

- Whispering how much he loves you

- Wants you to enjoy yourself

- Just have one day where there was no danger

- Nothing except happiness for you

- It means a lot

- At the end, there’s a gift waiting for you

-  One that looks as if it was made for you

- He just knows you inside out

- You’ve arrived at your favourite restaurant

- It was the one that you had your first date in

- He just wants everything to be special

- And about you

- He’s managed to swing reservations and in the same spot by the window

- Because you always say you want to go back

- He only wants the very best for you

- You hold hands and slide your chair so that you get to sit closer to him

- Laying lots of affection on him

- Which he insists isn’t fair cos it’s your birthday

- He’s honestly the sweetest

- He makes your heart melt

Tara:

- Such a sweetheart with you

- Like completely in tune with the kind of day you’d love

- Wants it to truly be all about you

- She would make you your favourite breakfast

- If you woke up and came to see what she was doing

- She would cuddle up to you from behind

- Such a soft smile

- As she wishes you a happy birthday

- Pressing kisses against you

- She’s more excited than you for the day

- Absolutely adores you

- The gift she got you would be so meaningful

- Like completely what you want/needed

- Near knows your mind better than you

- She knows how much your friends mean to you

- Wants you to be happy

- Completely in tune with you

- And what you enjoy

- So she plans a lovely party at the bronze

- With all of your favourite people

- She’s right there with you

- Makes sure to buy you your favourite drinks

- You and your friends have such a great time

- Tara makes sure that it’s all about you

- She makes sure that everyone’s happy

- And that there’s no drama

- Or demons

- (and if any demons do crash, she makes sure that you don’t notice)

- Buffy nods and takes it outside

- She manages to swing your favourite band

- To come and play at the Bronze

- You squeal with excitement (internally lol if you’re not that way out)

- And they dedicate your very favourite song to you

- For your birthday

- You and Tara would dance together and have the best time

- It would be so much fun

- You tell her just how much you appreciate her

- She’s a complete sweetheart

- And you always feel cherished by her

- Like everyday, but especially now

- With all of this love surrounding you

Xander Harris:

- He would want to do something romantic

- Meaningful

- You deserved it

- And he was sure he didn’t treat you as good as you deserved

- Despite you being so incredibly happy with him

- He would tell you that there were plans

- So that you didn’t make any of your own

- But wouldn’t give you anything other than a vague direction

- On what type of clothing to wear

- (something warm but cute like you)

- I’m sure he would take every opportunity to kiss you

- And shower you with as much physical affection as possible

- Throughout the day

- In fact would probably claim the entire week in your honour

- Maybe even the month in his goofy enthusiasm

- Would actually have a present sorted well in advance

- He has an (unfounded in his opinion) reputation for forgetting or not putting so much thought into his gifts

- But he has worked to turn this stereotype around

- Especially so for you

- Very thoughtful with his gifts

- Will most likely have made it himself

- It’s perfect and you tell him this

- Between kisses

- He would then lead you to

- Would blindfold you but you absolutely trusted him

- And you open your eyes and find yourself at a movie theatre

- It’s lovely but you squint and look at him a little confused

- He smiles in that soft way and shows you

- The entire theatre is reserved for you

- Just you and him

- And all the snacks you need

- (he used to work with the guy that manages the cinema and he owes him one)

- They’re showing something you’ve been dying to see

- And you hold his hand, leaning against him

- When you’re ready to leave he shakes his head, pressing a kiss against you

- They’re showing a marathon

- Of some of your all-time favourites

- It was so thoughtful and so entirely perfect for the both of you

Willow:

- Honestly so excited for your birthday

- Basically vibrating with how excited she is

- She really loves you

- And has a bunch of sweet gestures and plans

- Up her sleeve

- Just wants everything to be about you

- You spend the morning in bed, mostly relaxing

- Snuggling and soft kisses against you

- She’ll whisper happy birthday

- And immediately pass you a little gift

- She couldn’t wait any longer

- Bright eyes and a brighter smile

- Widens with yours as you see the sweetest gift

- Absolutely perfect for you

- You wrap your arms around her and stay like that

- For a long while

- Just basking in how much you love each other

- How much you just truly get each other

- Eventually she managed to coax you out of bed

- She snaps her fingers twice and you give her a confused look

- But you soon understand

- She’s decorated the entire house

- Just to your taste too

- Very sweet and all for you

- She took a really long time perfecting the spell

- You get ready, she bought you that outfit you said you liked

- That happened to be perfect for a party

- You both dress nice and go downstairs

- To see all of your friends waiting

- The music starts and your favourite people are all around

- You have a really great time celebrating

- And you can see just how much effort she’s put in

- She’s so sweet with you, brings the fun out

- Makes you so happy

- The day is just perfect

- She baked too, a cake (or the alternative that she knew you would like lol)

- She spent so much time on it, just for you

- The party was so fun everyone ended up staying over

- You and Willow cuddle up on the sofa, whispering long into the night

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

I’m back on my bullshit and we have GOT TO TALK about 13x08 The Scorpion and the Frog; which serves as a good example of why you should not ONLY watch spn episodes with Cas (partially because of that scene I shamefully blogged about earlier - no I will not link that cursed post here).  The episode title comes from a fable in which the villain is the scorpion.  Interpretations of this fable note its uniqueness lies in the concept that “the scorpion is irrationally self destructive and fully aware of it.”

To quote the scorpion, buddies -  “it’s in my nature.”

Anyway, this episode is subtextually predicated on exploring Dean Winchester’s nature and specifically - his bisexuality, and I’m not only saying that because it opens with Dean in his Bi Colors Plaid (that also he wore on his burger date with Cas).

Let’s get started, after the cut!

Season 13 on its face gives me absolute whiplash because it starts widow arc-reunion-TOMBSTONE and then Jack yeets himself off to Chuck knows where so Cas can go out Looking For Him Because Otherwise He Will Definitely Kiss Dean there is no other option for the writers at this point.  Sigh.  Here, have another shot of Dean anxiously cleaning his gun as he always does when Cas has Gone Off For Reasons -

Anyway, this feels like a filler episode at first, but as always they bury the ENTIRE damn world in it and I am here with my dossier to Unearth It.

Lets start with Bart (demon of terrible nicknames and microagressions) meeting the brothers at Smile Diner to talk about some spell or whatever. 

(I am not thinking about the Cherry Pie meta I AM NOT)

THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY to start with these lines immediately introducing the theme of duality, a thread throughout this episode.

BARTHAMUS

Everything. I've been following your careers a long time. You're a real pain in the pitchfork. And the halo. Natural disrupters. We have that in common, you and I. DEAN

Mm. Yeah, we're twinsies.

***MORE DUALITY!  But as we know, Dean does not like Bart because He Is A Freakin’ Demon

DEAN

Well, see, here's the thing. When a demon tells us to jump, we don't ask how high. We just ice their ass.

UMMM excuse me Barting Bacting Boices?  What is that sexual gaze?  

Then we find out that Bart has 1/2 of the spell.  They need the other 1/2.  Oh, a spell with two parts, you say? [ I am going to scream :) ]

***Also, Dean eats the pie Bart ordered.  I cannot begin to explain to you the state of unwellness that I am in regarding how important this is. DEAN NEVER GETS TO EAT THE PIE, remember?  But in This Filler Episode, Dean eats the pie. While Sam looks at him with a very quizzical expression.  Pie -> what Dean wants but never actually gets -> Dean actively eating this pie.  Dean is coming to terms that maybe he can have what he wants.

***I am reminding you again that this is post widower-arc, post-reunion, and especially post-Tombstone.  Anyway-

Now we get to Smash and Grab.  Not literally even though I want to Commit Such Conduct at this point.  We are introduced to two one off characters named 

Smash (human/female presenting) -  can crack any safe built by man 

and Grab (demon/male presenting)-  expert in bypassing supernatural security.

Reaching or no, you can’t disagree that when spn introduces one off characters - it is almost always a Narrative Parallel or Mirror.

So we have a human and a demon (and Dean Winchester, a human who has been a demon)

who are experts in cracking open/bypassing something that has been secured and guarded (breaking down walls, if you will).  

They also use fake names identifying them as Tools to be Used ( Dean Winchester, the Michael Sword/daddys blunt little instrument)

BONUS:

Dean himself is literally used as a tool in this episode.

So yeah.  Smash and Grab are physical representations of Dean’s duality.  Human/Demon.  Femininity/Masculinity.  Dare we say something else, too?

Anyway, Dean is paired with Smash and Grab; Sam is off to idk negotiate weird artifact purchases lawboy style with Luther Shrike, a man who cannot die so long as he never leaves his house (I cannot even begin to unpack this shit; please just sit there and think about it.  I’m not even going there here.  I CANNOT DISCUSS Luther Shrike RN).

Speaking of things I cannot discuss without halgdhsag;lsa - Smash has very Specific boots (a look overall, really).

DEAN

Hey, Winona. The '90s called. They'd like their shoes back. SMASH

Shh.

***That’s right girl - do not take his shit; he actually LOVES them and is therefore Overcompensating for it with this little jab.

***Dean’s pop culture references and particular attention to the details here Should Not Be Overlooked.  90s! Winona! Ryder!

ANYWAY, then Dean and Smash bond over a caffeinated beverage -

[While Dean is doing a spell, Smash opens a can of drink, takes a mouthful and burps loudly. ] SMASH

Ahh. DEAN

You're weird.

***This scene makes me literally insane. (even aside from Dean living on something named NERVE DAMAGE as a KID.  They could have called it anything. You’re saying this wasn’t a Choice)  

She chugs a swallow of the drink and burps.  Something stereotypically associated with masculinity.  Not feminine.  Dean’s reaction is that she is “weird” - because she is not acting in a way stereotypically, J*hn Winchester brain-rot patriarchy bullshit-tily associated with Being Female.  But also, says the stupid show, they like the same soda.  They are The Same.  She shares the soda with Dean.  HIS FACE WHEN SHE DOES -

Other similarities are addressed throughout the episode (they are working for demons because they have no choice; they don’t discuss feelings/emotions, they both sold their soul, they both This Thing - 

DEAN

You know, we could help you. SMASH

No, you can't. I gotta take care of me.

etc. etc.) Smash is absolutely dean-coded.

****Also it’s textually established that Smash thinks Dean is attractive -

GRAB

[looking at Smash] Oh. You said he was just a pretty face. SMASH 

Shh.

***But Grab flirts with him too.

DEAN

I will kill you. GRAB

I bet you say that to all the girls.

***sorry, Grab - you won’t get far with Dean, but only because as he mentioned in the beginning of this episode - 

Drowley rights.

Now Dean has to put his hand in the mouth of this stone lion thing and all of a sudden he is acting....very-not-like-Dean.

[Dean looks again and takes a deep breath.] DEAN

I… how about this? What if I cut myself, put it on, like, a little piece of paper? We'll just wad it up and throw it in the mouth, okay? Okay. 

***Dean Winchester, who has been to Literal HELL, who has been torn apart by hellhounds, who has battled the devil and angels and God’s sister - all at the expense of his own life is now - afraid of spiders.  Well, technically he has always been afraid of spiders, but why isn’t ‘he being performative about it At This Time??

***Come to think of it, this sends me right back to how Jackles was playing Dean in 12x11 Regarding Dean THE episode dissecting Dean’s performative masculinity [one day I will clean up and post that analysis sitting in my drafts like a sad hamster]. That makes sense actually, because -> -> ->

that episode and this one are both written by Meredith Glynn.  Girl get in I want to torture you affectionately with a barrage of questions.

So here we have Dean and he’s not performing for Reasons, and he’s scared he’s genuinely scared of putting his hand in this stone lion-gargoyle-pig-creature’s mouth and then -

Smash gives him a push.

She gives him a push.  I cannot stop thinking about how she gives him a push.  A push to go do this thing that he is scared of; his fear being something he was hiding under his performative masculinity. Smash - dean coded dean mirror who does not perform femininity and is ‘weird’ -  she   gives   him   a     p u s h.

***linking here for the jackting joices that follow.

Now, let’s circle back to Smash’s story; why she is working for Bart in the first place -

SMASH

You think I wanna be here? Like I have a choice? SAM

You made a deal. SMASH

Wow! You think? SAM

You sold your soul. SMASH

And if I could take it back, I would. 

there is no reason for this picture here other than I needed you to see the jackting again

***How does the story end for Smash?

DEAN

Take care of you. [Dean glances down at the box, and then at Smash. She sees that Dean has put a lighter on top of the bones.]  BARTHAMUS

Alice, chop chop! 

[Bart indicates she should get his bones]. SMASH

Yeah. [She grabs the lighter and sets Bart's bones alight. Bart screams as he bursts into flames. ] 

***She accepts help and breaks free from the narrative, literally burning it down. The female presenting but not female-performing “weird” ooc representing a side of Dean breaks FREE because she makes a choice.  The lighter Dean drops? It’s a push.  And she goes with it.

Alice reclaims her story.

(Also, Grab gets ganked.  The male presenting ooc; the performative masculinity side; the demon; the darkness; the not-humanity - gets ganked).

Guess what Dean says to Alice when they say goodbye?

DEAN

Hey, Alice. Stay weird.

[I know the peace sign is probably just a Charlie throwback but I’d still like to say duality.  Two. ]

Dean’s not just talking to Alice.  He’s talking to himself; because the walls have been breached and for once Dean isn’t as scared of being different.  Maybe, just maybe, he’s going along with the push.  That’s exactly how the episode ends - with Dean feeling a little more hopeful, a little more at peace; a little more Considering he is capable of not only loving Cas but also not hating himself for it. 

[until the knowledge that Mary is still alive and the guilt of allowing himself ANY happy thoughts instead of looking for her miserably rears its ugly head in 13x09 and round and round we go but for NOW at least -> ]

DEAN

I'll drink to that.

(oh look Dean is just wearing his henley.  It’s almost as if a layer has been peeled back).

tagging @im-shaking-like-milk​ and @deanwasalwaysbi​ for letting me ramble on to them while writing this; and @lilac-void​ because you are always so kind about my stuff :)

[stanzoeywade]

Dating Poppy Min-Sinclair

I lowkey headcanon Poppy to look like blonde Chungha, and omfg she looks so good in this gif.

Summary: An enemies to friends to lovers trope, sign me the fuck up. I hope you guys enjoy and if you want more please like or reblog. If you want to be added to the tag list please reply. :) I'm also working on the third part of my Poppy x MC series and I oop I'm gay.

Taglist: @somewillwin @origmansello @kamilahtrash @poppysminion @captain-hanadeleine​

SFW

It was hate at first sight (sure, jan), but in all honesty your first impression of Poppy was that she was gorgeous. The scowl on her face did nothing to change your mind. The very first words she uttered to you was "Oh, sweetheart, you don't have to worry about who she is. It's me you have to worry about.

As soon as those words leave her mouth, the only part of the sentence your brain focuses on is the word 'sweetheart' and the way she said it, voice dripping with sarcasm. It did nothing to stop you from thinking how hot Poppy was.

You're suddenly pulled away by Zoey, who tells you about the whole ranking system and she takes you out to hang out at a speakeasy, with your new outfit.

In order to get your mind off of Poppy, you decide to flirt with the stranger at the bar (who ends up being Professor Kingsley), but even as you spent time and slept with them, all you could imagine was Poppy, and how she would feel under you.

You learn that Poppy was the resident HBIC of campus, and a sort of rivalry forms between the two of you.

Poppy won't admit it to anyone but she actually found you attractive when she first saw you, even though you were wearing non-designer clothes. Probably annoyed that she actually found you attractive, she acts extra mean, because she's confused and not good with feelings. (PB please let me romance Poppy)

Not anyone is safe from Poppy's wrath, and its extra hard for you because she becomes extra mean, her words are harsher and actually stings a little.

Poppy seems shocked that you actually got hurt, and opens her mouth about to apologise until she remember that she's the queen bee, she doesn't apologise.

You don't back down and insults are exchanged between the two of you, whenever you meet or bump into each other.

Poppy actually starts to look forward to your banter with each other, and she makes an effort to bump into you a bit more.

When you learn of Kick-off day, you and the quarterbacks team up to create a performance for half-time.

Poppy for sure gets annoyed because who do you think you are trying to compete with her, the queen of Belvoire.

After you show her up and kiss Zoey, she feels a pang of jealousy, which she mistakes and takes out as anger against you. She has a meltdown, breaks up with Carter and everyone stares and start to berate her.

Poppy walks out the field and you run after her, feeling shitty because even if she was mean, she didn't deserve to be shit on in public like that. You feel really bad and run after Poppy to make sure she's okay.

You catch up to Poppy find her all the way on the other side of the campus, she's by herself and you see her crying her eyes out. Her eyes are red, and once you see her your heart breaks a little because seeing her like that made you feel like the worst human being, especially since she was crying because of you. Even though, she's crying she looks as beautiful as ever and you can't help but stare.

You approach her and she notices and sneers at you. "Come to kick me when I'm down? Go ahead, newbie. Here's your chance."

And if you thought you couldn't feel worse, you felt you heart break even more as the words escapes her lips.

You put your hands up in surrender and let out a sigh. "Look, you don't have to believe me but I just really wanted to apologise. Even if you were being mean, you don't deserve that." She eyes you suspiciously and says "What's it to you if I'm upset, Farmsville? Just fuck off, I don't need your pity."

Not backing down, you stare at her in the eyes and say sincerely. "I never really wanted to be part of this stupid ranking thing you guys have, I don't even want to be the queen bee. Especially, if it means that you or anyone else gets hurt in the process."

Poppy looks at you stunned, like she can't decipher why you're being so nice to her, and you continue "Plus, I can't say I didn't enjoy our banter, that was fun." You wink at her cheekily and she can't help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation.

You smile at her softly, happy that you managed to make her feel a little but better and you realise that Poppy has such a soft laugh and you want to hear it again.

Poppy's eyes soften as she stops crying. She looks at you and says "Thanks Farmsville, I needed that." You don't know whether your eyes are playing trick on you but you can swear that you can see her blush.

Meanwhile, Poppy feels her cheeks burn and her heart beat a bit faster. 'Damn you for being sweet.'

Smiling sincerely, you ask "Truce?" and Poppy raises her eyebrow at you amused but agrees albeit nonchalantly.

This then starts your sort of friendship with Poppy, but instead of hurling insults at each other, the both of you engage in playful banter (no one knows that you guys are friends). She turns a bit softer, in a way where she always looks at you with an inquisitive gaze to check if you were okay with the banter.

Cue the late night messages, where the both of you stay up late to talk about random nonsense that happened that day, or when Poppy's annoyed she sends you rants where she complains about how stupid everyone is, and vice versa.

Both of you being confused af because is she flirting with me or is she being nice???? (basically is he gay or European but lesbian) The two of you have each other's back, if someone says shit about either of you the other one is quick to defend. Zoey notices your change in attitude towards Poppy and she asks why you're defending your "enemy". You shrug it off by saying "If they're gonna say shit, they should say it to her face, not talk behind her back." Zoey finds that a little bit suspicious, but she doesn't say anything.

This then leads to an actual good support system for both of you, and an actual friendship is formed.

This is when Poppy realises that she actually has feelings for you, and she's quick to yeet out of there, because ewww feelings. She starts to act distant and you're confused because you think you did something wrong.

It's not that Poppy wants to avoid you, she's just really confused about her feelings and she doesn't want to ruin the friendship you two have. Chloe notices that Poppy is acting weird and decides to confront her about it.

Whilst Chloe is usually oblivious, even she suspects that something is going on between the two of you, and she begins to ask Poppy questions. That's when she finds out that Poppy has feelings for you. After her small 'EUREKA!' moment Chloe decides to tease Poppy, and queen bee is not amused. "If you tell anyone that I have a crush on her, I will have you cremated and eaten by the dogs." yells Poppy as Chloe just laughs in amusement.

Chloe lowkey trying to be a wingman, but Poppy tells her off and you just think that Chloe's just being weird, and it just confuses you even more. Like what???

Mutual pining, because the both of you are too stubborn to confess how you feel. Poppy just doesn't even know what to do because feelings. And you don't know whether she likes you back and don't want to risk your newfound friendship with her.

Cue Poppy seeing you flirt with someone else, (Carter, Zoey or Veronica or whoever) and Poppy loses her shit because she's jealous.

Thinking with anger and not her head, Poppy decides to kiss you in front of the whole school. Long story short, everyone sees and it's all over social media, that's how they find out that the queen bee has staked her claim.

Poppy is touch starved and craves affection. This probably comes with the fact that her parents weren't really the affectionate type, which is why she acts the way she does. Her parents probably ingrained it into her head that she has to be #1 for everything and anything below that is the same as being nothing.

She would never admit it but Poppy adores cuddling and lazy days where the both of you just chill out and share soft and sweet kisses, in which neither of you stop until your lips are bruised.

She's also the little spoon (fite me), and you don't mind because she's so soft and you're weak for her.

Poppy is also the type to pamper you with expensive ass gifts, even when you tell her that she doesn't have to give you anything, but it makes her happy so you're happy.

Waking up next to her is probably the equivalent of seeing an angel. She looks so peaceful when she's asleep and you can't help but stare because you don't have the heart to wake her up.

Poppy can't cook for shit, because why would she need to know how to cook, she's rich??? Probably so bougie she's never had fast food in her life, so the first thing you do is take her ass to McDonald's.

Arguments usually occur when both of you are stressed and this leads to angry make out sessions where both of you are marked up with hickeys for everyone to see.

This girl needs some TLC, so please be gentle and patient because she's not used to affection.

NSFW HCs

People probably think that Poppy's a pillow princess and sometimes you joke and tease her about it, but in all honesty she can top. Her strap game is impeccable, 10000/10 would reccomend again.

When you go down on her she always tugs at your hair, and you can't help but groan as her nails brush against your scalp. Additionally when she's bottoming, she becomes a little bratty and you have no choice but to play rough and she doesn't mind.

When the two of you argue, this can lead to some intense angry sex, all bets are off when you're arguing, everything is messy, rough and passionate. The two of you don't remember the reason why you were arguing after.

The moans, groans and noises that comes out of Poppy's mouth is music to your ears. It's probably the sexiest thing you've ever heard, and you can't get enough.

When she rides the strap, it's the hottest thing you've ever seen. The way her sweat clings to her body making it glisten, and the way her body moves and convulses as she's riding makes you go insane. 10000/10 would do again.

The type to annoy you by sexting you in class, purposely riling you up, she especially enjoys annoying you when it's Professor Kingsley's class because she's petty like that. It gets to the point where you're so riled up that you just get up and leave class. She loves sending you photos with nothing on but her underwear, almost always pink or white. It's one of her favourite past times really. You can't even get angry because each photo is so good so you can't complain.

She's also the type of girl to get flustered when you sext her back, and it's honestly the cutest thing. It becomes a game of who can rile up the other person more.

These are just my headcanons and you don't have to agree with them hope you enjoyed reading. :)

[rainywritingsx]

Scenario: Satan & Lucifer cheating on MC

Request: Your beezlebub and asmo cheating angst was so good oml if it's okay with you can I request the same but with satan and lucifer??

Satan and Lucifer…. My heart is about to be crushed and I hope yours too :). I thought I went overboard with Staan when I wrote his part, but Lucifer too,,,,, damn,,,, hope you enjoy? I didn’t really proofread sorry, it’s like 2Am right now and imma sleeeepppp. Hope you like it, remember to leave a like, reblog or comment if you do ^^ I’d love to read feedback!

xxx Rainbow

Warnings: Mild swearing and slight nsfw suggestion at Lucifer’s part??

3032 words

If you enjoy what I write, feel free to tip me by buying me a coffee here! ^^

Satan 

On one hand, Y/n should’ve seen it coming. It was not an everyday thing that Satan just randomly made friends, nor was he the type to just go out to clubs and see people. But one of his teachers had asked him to help some demon with the homework they’ve had for the past few weeks. Apparently she had been struggling with literature a lot and since Satan was basically a bookworm, it was only natural that he would be chosen to help out.

At first Y/n wasn’t worried at all. They trusted Satan almost blindly and knew him well. He wouldn’t just mess around with someone. He still kept seeing them regularly and they hung out as often as always.

It was when they started seeing Satan less often that Y/n began to grow slightly concerned. They didn’t have as many dates as before anymore, and sometimes when they would go to his room he wouldn’t even be there. The brothers would tell them that he was tutoring that demon again. Here they felt an uneasy feeling in their stomach. Satan would usually tell them if he went somewhere because he knew Y/n often visited him in his room. But still, Y/n didn’t want to discuss it with him because they didn’t want to cause an unnecessary argument. Satan wouldn’t cheat on them.

Right?

However, when even during lunch at RAD Satan didn’t visit Y/n, their discomfort grew. This was really unusual. Was he having lunch with that demon? Were they talking so much that he completely forgot about them? Was he not interested in Y/n anymore? No, that couldn’t be true. If that were the case Satan would tell them, he would never cheat. Maybe he wasn’t even with that demon, maybe he was with one of the brothers! Or maybe Simeon and Luke, or Solomon… Maybe he had to ask Diavolo something?

Y/n bit their lip as they thought about what to do. Maybe they should look for them, just so that this uneasy feeling could finally go away and they could see with their own eyes absolutely nothing was wrong. Now…. The first place where Y/n should look was the library, right? It was open at lunch time too, so he could be there, maybe reading a new book that he found.

So, Y/n finally got up, put their lunch back in their bag to eat later and made their way to the library. Each step closer made their heart pound louder and louder. It was only when Y/n finally got there and wanted to open the door that they realised their hands were shaking and sweaty. So, before entering they took a deep breath to calm themselves down.

“Come on, Y/n. It’s no big deal. Everything is completely fine.” They softly said to themselves, hoping that this tiny pep talk would calm down the raging adrenaline going through their body. When they felt like they were ready, Y/n finally opened the door slowly. The only people that she saw in clear sight were a few demons studying and Solomon, who seemed to be reading through a book about spells. So Satan wasn’t here? That was odd…

Y/n was about to leave when they heard a female laugh along with a male chuckle that was way too familiar to them. They stopped breathing for a second and looked around the room, finally seeing their boyfriend, laughing with someone else who was way too close for their liking, resting her hand on his arm. There were a few open books, but Y/n could tell the two were not concentrated at all, and before they could even call out Satan’s name, they witnessed the girl pulling him closer and pressing their lips against his.

“S-Satan?!” Y/n said in surprise. It seemed that there was no person of authority present right now, as nobody commented on their voice. Still, other people heard them. Satan turned his head and as soon as he saw his actual partner, the one he was supposed to be affectionate with, his breath hitched in his throat. Without even waiting for him to say anything, Y/n left the library. Satan immediately stood up and left too, ignoring the girl completely.

He had no idea where they went, but he could only assume it was probably outside, where it was quiet. So he did the first thing that came to mind which was running to the garden of the school to find them.

Satan’s mind was foggy. It was only when he saw the heart wrenching look on his partner’s face that he realised what he had been doing. And Y/n never said a word about it because they trusted him. Instead of appreciating that and showing that he is worthy of their faith in him, he messed around with her heart and put himself into this incredibly awful situation. Why? Why didn’t he stop her, why did he continue hanging out when he knew damn well that her intentions were beyond him tutoring her?

He was brought out of his thoughts when he heard quiet, muffled sobs. Part of Satan wanted to run away, because he couldn’t believe he would ever hurt the person he loved and hearing them like this already tore him apart, but he had to own up to his mistake, so he kept walking. What he didn’t expect however, was that they weren't’t alone. Solomon sat next to Y/n on a bench and just hugged her without saying a word. When he saw Satan, his expression hardened. He didn’t  say anything as a sign for Satan to start talking.

“Y/n, my love…” the sobs stopped. Y/n looked at Satan with an unreadable expression on their face. They were deep in thought. Should they talk to him? Or leave and talk it out later? No, this had to be done now. Y/n was done being toyed with like this.

“Solomon,” Y/n said, their voice shaky. “C-could you leave me and Satan alone, please?” he gave them a kind smile and nodded before leaving, shortly glaring at him without Y/n noticing. When he left, Satan carefully sat down next to Y/n and spoke up.

“My dear-”

“Quit the petnames, Satan.” Y/n shot at him, their voice now sharp and angry. His eyes slightly widened at the change of tone, but he couldn’t blame them. And he had the feeling that this wasn’t going to end the way he wanted to.

“I trusted you. I kept telling myself you weren’t messing around with her because I believed you would never do that to me! I wanted to believe that you were only tutoring her, I wanted to believe that so badly!”

“Kitte-Y/n, please believe me, the only time we did anything physical was what you just saw. I never-”

“That’s one time too many Satan! It should’ve never happened! Even if it wasn’t always physical, the fact that you started hanging out with her more than me at one point, broke my heart. Do you think that that doesn’t hurt because I didn’t see you two making out? How would you react if I suddenly became friendly with someone and started ditching you completely for them?” To that, Satan had no reply. He knew they were right.

“I’m done, I don’t want to talk about this.” Y/n said and stood up. “I hope you two had a nice time together, because you can spend all of your days with her now that we are over.”

“Y/n, I’m so sorry, please let me make it up to you. I promise I won’t talk to her again, I’ll prove to you that you can trust me.” Y/n chuckled softly as they shook their head.

“Satan, you don’t know what they tell us about demons in the Human world?” y/n sighed.

“They do nothing but lie and make empty promises.”

Lucifer

Of course, he was just an assistant. Diavolo had hired him to help Lucifer, nothing more. Really, at first Y/n even believed that Diavolo was an angel - how ironic, for finally finding someone who could help their boyfriend with the ton of work he always had to do. This way They could spend more time with their boyfriend, right?

Nope.

It was still a lot of work that still took Lucifer a lot of time, he was just less stressed because of it now. But still, the amount of time the two got to spend together wasn’t more than before, which made Y/n a little sad, but they didn’t want to start an argument, so they decided to not mention it.

After a little while, things slowly started to change though. It seemed that Lucifer actually had to work more now, to the point where he was overworking even. It made them worried about him but whenever they’d mention it, Lucifer would just brush it off. And again, because Y/n didn’t want to start an unnecessary argument, they kept quiet about this as well.

However, when Y/n heard Asmodeus talking during breakfast at the house of Lamentation, they got worried. He was talking about Lucifer.

“He really seems to get close to that assistant of his. Oh my, I dare even say that new guy has taken an interest in him!~” Asmodeus giggled. Y/n’s expression fell, which didn’t go unnoticed by the other brothers.

“Y/n, you know how Asmo is,” Satan reassured them. “he’s just exaggerating, don’t sweat it. Despite the fact that I cannot stand him, I know Lucifer wouldn’t  do something like that.” Though Y/n’s worries hadn’t completely disappeared, they did feel a little better because of their friend’s words.

“Yeah, you’re right. Thank you, Satan.” Y/n said and smiled at Satan, who nodded and sent a kind smile back. Of course Satan wasn’t completely wrong, but Y/n was still scared that for some reason things were going to take an unexpected turn. And people often said to trust your gut right? No, Lucifer wouldn’t do that…

During the days that followed, Y/n was constantly having an inner debate on whether or not to voice their concerns to their lover. On one hand, it could turn out to be nothing and Y/n would immediately be reassured that everything was completely fine. On the other hand however, maybe this would only stress out Lucifer. If that happened, Diavolo’s attempt of lessening the stress of Lucifer would be for nothing, so perhaps staying quiet was the better option.

“You can always visit him if you’re that worried.” Belphegor said after he listened to Y/n’s rambling about her concerns. “The worst thing that can happen is that Lucifer gets annoyed and sends you back, but knowing him and his weakness for you, that’s unlikely.” It was a good suggestion… But then again, was it really necessary?

“If you’re worried about being too obvious, just bring him a meal or something.” Oh, that was a good idea! Y/n was on cooking duty today anyway, and he never turned down their meals.

Keeping something for Lucifer, so, making sure Beel didn’t eat it was a whole task, but Y/n managed to do it successfully. With a small smile they packed his dinner in a lunch box along with something to drink. After they were done, Y/n left the kitchen and let the others know that they were leaving. Within a second Mammon was in the hallway, wanting to come along.

“Hey, I don’t want ya to get eaten by a demon or somethin’, okay? It’s dangerous for a weak little human to be here out alone.” He said, looking away to hide the small blush that was forming on his cheek. “Lucifer would kill me if somethin’ happened to you, so that’s why I’m here.” he mumbled, causing Y/n to giggle.

“Alright, let’s go then.” They said before the two them left together. Luckily the walk wasn’t too far, and the fact that Y/n wasn’t on their own was probably one of the reasons that it was peaceful too.

When they finally arrived at RAD, Mammon and Y/n were greeted by Diavolo, who seemed more than happy to see them.

“Y/n! Mammon! What brings you two here?” he asked curiously, before noticing the box in Y/n’s hands. A small smile was on his face and he looked back at the human. “Nevermind, I see. Lucifer is in his office.” Y/n nodded, thanking Diavolo before leaving on their own. Mammon decided to wait, wanting to give the two some alone time.

As Y/n got closer to their boyfriend’s office, a feeling of discomfort came over them for a moment. No, this was so silly, they just had to go, give this to him and then leave.

When they got to his office, Y/n knocked on the door softly, but they received no reply. Strange… Didn’t Diavolo say he was supposed to be here? Y/n decided to knock again, just in case he hadn’t heard it and oftly called out his name too, but to no avail. Y/n bit their lip softly. Maybe he was really busy. But then again, a tiny break wouldn’t hurt anyone, Diavolo didn’t tell Y/n to hurry up or something. So finally, Y/n decided to just open the door.

But now they really wish they hadn’t done that. Indeed, Lucifer was here. But on his lap was whom Y/n assumed to be his assistant, both half naked as they were making out. In shock, Y/n dropped everything they were holding which caused the two to stop and look. Lucifer’s eyes became the size of dinner plates when he realised who was standing there. The other male could probably tell who this human was, and was flustered as well.

“Fuck you, Lucifer.” Was all Y/n could say before they left. Y/n was almost running, wanting to do nothing but go to their room and cry. When Mammon spotted them coming in his direction, he was confused to say the least. That was quick? But soon his confusion grew into concern when he saw the tears rolling down their cheeks.

“What happened?” Was all he managed to ask. Y/n shook their head and looked at him.

“Can we just go back? Please, Mammon?” Their voice was soft and wavering, as if they could burst into tears at any moment. Without even thinking he nodded. On their way, both were silent. Y/n couldn’t stop replaying what just happened. Why did he do that? For how long has this been going on? Had they been like that before, or even more intimate? Why didn’t he just break up with them if he was interested in somebody else?

When they got home, Y/n ran to their room without saying a word to anyone. Right when Mammon was about to close the door, Lucifer’s hand pushed it open, surprising the younger brother. He was panting because he had been running and his face looked distraught, but really Mammon wanted to do nothing but punch him. However, he knew that was a bad idea so he kept silent.

Lucifer immediately ran to Y/n’s room, knowing that that would be where they’d go. As he got closer, he felt a sense of guilt, which as the Avatar of Pride, he absolutely despised. How could he have done something so horrible to the love of his life? He decided not to knock, but slowly opened the door of Y/n’s room, and when he saw them laying on their bed crying into a pillow, he only felt more remorse.

“Y/n..” he began. “I-I’m-”

“Get out.” Y/n said, their voice low as they lifted their head up to look at him. Lucifer was surprised at this attitude since Y/n never acted like this, but he knew he deserved it. However, he couldn’t leave. He couldn’t lose them.

“Dear, if you would just listen-”

“Lucifer, I said get out!” Y/n repeated, their voice louder this time as they stood up. “You have no right to just come into my room and do the talking now after you betrayed me! Here I was thinking you were overworking, but you were just fucking someone else!” For the first time in his life, Lucifer was speechless. He had no excuse for this. Nothing made this okay.

“I see you don’t have anything to say either. I have one question, Lucifer: Do you love him, or me?” They asked, their voice a lot softer now. Normally Lucifer was able to answer this within a heartbeat, but his mind was all over the place. Why was he even kissing that demon like that?

“I see…” Y/n said with a defeated smile. “I expected this. Now, can you just go?” Their eyes were practically begging him to leave, their voice thick and laced with hurt. And Lucifer knew that this was the best option for the both of them. He truly hoped that they would be able to solve this. He didn’t say a word as he turned around to leave the room.

“And I know what you’re thinking right now.” Lucifer stopped in his tracks. “And no, I don’t want to give you another change. I’m so done with you, Lucifer.” They said, their voice becoming rougher again. The demon tried keeping his head up, not wanting to give in where anyone could see and left, closing the door behind him. When he finally got to his own room, Lucifer’s tears started spilling too. He made a huge mistake, and he just knew he had lost them, he really had. And this reminded him exactly why he deserved to be here, in Hell, where he had to pay for his horrible actions. He swore to himself to never hurt them, yet he just crumbled their heart like it was nothing. He was a monster.

[beelsnack]

Let's Continue This Elsewhere - Commission for mc-reborn (NSFW)

Alright, first batch of commissions is done! This one is for mc-reborn (who Tumblr isn't letting me tag for some reason) featuring their adorable MC Stiina. They wanted an NSFW continuation of the Devilgram "Buffing Up Belphie." They were amazingly patient with me because it took me 84 years to get this done, so thank you so much for commissioning me!! ^^

I'm still open for commissions, if anyone is interested! You can check out all of my info here!

-----

“...Please say it.”

Stiina could feel the roughness of the tree bark through her cardigan as Belphegor backed her against it. The demon’s hands settled next to her head, and she could faintly hear his almost-claws digging into the tree as he leaned in closer. His breath fanned out across her face, and she could smell the mint of his toothpaste combined with the chocolate she had snuck him while Beel let them take a quick break.

“...I want a kiss.” he muttered, eyes flicking down to her lips.

It wasn’t like Belphie hadn’t been obvious about what he wanted the whole time they were making their way through the forest. There had been a few times when Stiina thought he was going to pounce on her, but he waited until they were far enough into the forest that Beel wouldn’t be able to track them down. Sometimes she just needed the confirmation that she wasn’t imagining things, that Belphie wasn’t just humoring her.

He made a soft sound of surprise in the back of his throat when Stiina cupped his jaw and brought their lips together. It was chaste, and probably not what Belphie had been after. Her suspicions were confirmed when she pulled away to see the childish pout on his face.

“Hey,” he huffed. “I was going to kiss you first.”

Stiina giggled. “Sorry.”

Belphie bumped their noses together affectionately. “Fine, it’s my turn now.”

One of his hands slipped behind her head, preventing her from smacking it against the tree as he kissed her. Just like everything else about the demon, Belphie’s kisses were full of quiet intensity. It was hard to imagine the Avatar of Sloth doing anything passionately, but Stiina couldn’t think of another way to describe the way his mouth moved against hers. He kissed her like she was the air he needed to breathe.

“Mm…” he mumbled as they broke apart, licking his lips. “I’m taking the driver’s seat today...you better be ready for a wild ride.”

“You don’t usually take the initiative.” Stiina raised an eyebrow at him, but he just shrugged before leaning down to mouth at the sensitive spot where her neck and shoulder met. A shiver ran up her spine, and she could feel him smirk against her skin.

“We’ll call this a thank you for sticking with me all day,” he nosed at her jaw, urging her to tilt her neck to give him more room. “I think the only one who actually wanted to be there was Beel.”

“He did seem to be enjoying himself.”

“If it was anyone other than him I would think they were trying to torture me.”

Belphie’s hands dropped from their position on either side of her head to squeeze her waist. She squirmed, making a noise that was somewhere between uncomfortable and surprised. She knew she wasn’t exactly a supermodel, and she kept waiting for a snide comment about her weight. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“If you overthink any harder, smoke will come out of your ears.”

She jumped. “Sorry…!”

“I’ve told you already,” Belphie murmured, lips hot against her neck as he pulled her closer by the hips. “Whatever hangups those silly little humans had about your body don’t bother me in the slightest.”

He broke away from her throat to kiss her properly, and she forced herself to relax as he softly ran the tips of his nails against the dip of her hips. Old habits died hard.

“Don’t worry,” Belphie smirked, backing away just enough to speak. “You won’t be thinking of anything besides me for a while.”

Stiina pouted. “You’re not allowed to be that smooth.”

“Why not?”

“Because I can’t be, so it gives you an unfair advantage!”

He laughed softly, gently dragging the tips of his nails along the dip of her waist. “A demon taking advantage of a poor, innocent human. Tale as old as time.”

“True as it can be~”

“I’m not singing Beauty and the Beast with you.”

“Boo,” she giggled, squirming around as his hands traveled up beneath her shirt. “Knock it off, that tickles.”

“Hm, that’s not quite the sensation I’m going for.” His voice had got husky. “The shirt’s in the way.”

It took a minute for Stiina to realize what he was implying. “Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.”

“What?” Belphie wasn’t the most patient demon, so she wasn’t surprised when he got a little huffy with her. “You were all in a second ago.”

“Well, for one, we just spent the day working out with your beast of a twin, so both of us are sweaty and gross.”

“As opposed to how squeaky clean we’re going to be afterwards?”

“Belphegor!”

“Fine, fine,” he backed up to let her push herself off of the tree, but almost immediately laced their fingers together. “But we’re going to your room. I don’t want Beel bursting in.”

The hot water felt good on Stiina’s sore muscles. After the adrenaline had worn off, she felt like she had been hit by a truck. Even her hair hurt.

...And there were leaves in it. Courtesy of Belphie being an impatient bastard.

After finally detangling the last leaf from her curly brown hair, she sighed, letting her arms drop. She was going to ache for days.

She reached over to load up her wash cloth with strawberry-scented body wash and got to work. The soapy water came away brown from all of the dirt and sweat, and she grimaced. Yeah, a shower had definitely been a good idea.

Suddenly, she heard a noise. It was hard to figure out what it was over the sound of the shower. It happened again, slightly louder this time. She only realized what it was after the locked bathroom door swung open.

“Will you stop picking my locks, please?”

“I didn’t pick the lock,” Belphie’s silhouette appeared on the shower curtain. She couldn’t see, but she would bet any amount of money that he was smirking like a little shit right now. “I opened it was your student id card.”

“Still technically picking it!”

The shower curtain slid open, causing Stiina to yelp and drop her wash cloth. There stood Belphie, completely naked. And smirking, called it.

“Are we going to argue semantics right now?” he stepped into the shower behind her, closing the curtain behind him.

“Seriously, Belphie?”

“I couldn’t wait,” he hummed, sliding his arms around her waist until she was pressed against his chest. “You were taking too long.”

“I’ve only been in here for, like, five minutes.”

“You’re lucky I didn’t jump you on the way here.”

“Absolutely feral.”

She felt his grin against the back of her neck. “You love it.”

Stiina spun around in his grip. There was alway one sure-fire way to get the demon to shut up.

He moaned softly as she cupped the back of his head to bring him in for a kiss. He loosened his grip around her waist to bring his hands around to her ass. He used his grip to bring their bodies flush together, and she gasped into his mouth.

“I’m really worked up,” Belphie murmured. “Maybe it’s the adrenaline.”

“Or it could be that your totally naked girlfriend is making out with you in the shower.” Stiina shot back.

“I guess that might have something to do with it.” he laughed, dragging the knuckles of one hand down the side of her face in a surprisingly sweet gesture. “You do make me feel strange things, after all.”

“Like what?”

“Warm and fuzzy things,” his hand continued to trace itself down her body, grazing over the sensitive spot on her neck. She shivered. “Things that demons probably shouldn’t be allowed to feel.”

“Oh, now who has hang-ups - ah!”

His hand had made his way down to her breasts, long thumbnail flicking at one of her nipples. “Don’t ruin the moment.”

“Jerk.” She was smiling.

His hand continued it’s journey south, rubbing a soothing circle against the crease where her hip met thigh. Then, finally, his index finger slipped over to her entrance.

She sighed, eyes fluttering. For all of her talk, she was pretty worked up as well, and Belphie’s words made everything that much sweeter. He could be nice when he wanted to.

“Belphie…” she exhaled, looping her arms around his shoulders like they had been in the forest. Again, they met for a kiss, tongues twisting together as Belphie slid another finger inside of her. Both of them were panting, and she could feel his dick become very interested against her.

He hooked his fingers at just the right angle and she whined into his mouth. He swallowed her noises like they were a sweet drink, pressing against her clit just this shy of too hard. In a vain attempt to get him to hurry up, she rolled her hips against him.

“And you say I’m impatient?” he broke away from her mouth with a wet pop, an impish grin on his face.

“You’re insufferable, is what you are.” she panted. “Please, Belphie, come on.”

“Well, since you said please…”

He reversed their positions so she was the one pressed up against the shower wall. From this position, the ceiling light shined from behind him, giving him a halo and making him seem like the angel he used to be a few millennia ago. For a moment, she was struck by just how beautiful he was.

“You’re staring.”

“You’re pretty.”

He looked surprised, a blush dusting across the tops of his cheeks. “...hm.”

Belphie leaned down to kiss her again, softly and gently, as he lined himself up with her entrance. He was breathing heavily, and Stiina could feel his core muscles tensing and flexing as he tried to resist the urge to thrust into her with wild abandon

She internally snorted. ‘Demons can’t resist temptations,’ my ass.

Little by little, he inched his way into her until he was buried up to the hilt. Neither of them could tell what was sweat and what was water, but they were both so flushed and turned on that the steam in the bathroom very well could have been coming off of their skin.

“I’m...moving now.”

And that was all the warning she got before he pulled almost completely out and slammed in.

He set a brutal pace from the get go. Turns out that the Avatar of Sloth can be very enthusiastic during certain activities. But, there was one problem that was making itself very apparent: their height difference. Belphie was by no means the tallest of his brothers, but that still made him one of the taller people Stiina had ever met.

“...damn it…” he growled. She whimpered when he pulled out, but there was a method to his madness. He grabbed the backs of her thighs and hoisted her up, pinning her to the wall with his torso. She had no choice but to wrap her legs around his hips, and they were back in business. Looks like the workouts were paying off.

The shift in angle was exactly what they both needed, and Belphie returned to thrusting into her with vigor. “Mm...nngh…!”

“B-Belph--a-ah!” She bit her lip almost hard enough to draw blood, and he dropped his head into the crook of her neck. His hips were stuttering, and each of his breaths was ending on a little moan.

His stomach tensed, and he bit down hard into the junction between her neck and shoulder as he came. She followed not too far behind, fingernails leaving long red scratches on his shoulder blades as she sought something to anchor her. She threw her head back almost hard enough to knock herself out when it hit the wall.

For a few moments, there was nothing but the sound of their labored breaths and the shower. Eventually, the afterglow faded and Belphie pulled out, releasing Stiina’s legs. She slumped back against the wall and the two of them slid down to sit on the floor. Belphie practically melted in her lap.

“...I think you left a mark.” she finally murmured, carding her fingers through his wet hair.

“Good. Show it off.”

“Absolutely not.”

“No fun,” he smirked, before his sense of touch returned and he shivered. “The water’s gone cold.”

“Turn it off, then.”

“You do it.”

“Then get off of me.”

“Don’t wanna.”

“You are such a brat,” Stiina grumbled, just barely managing to stretch over and shut the water off. As soon as it stopped, Belphie stood from her lap.

“Really?”

“Yup.”

She sighed, letting her body rest heavily against the wall as Belphie went rooting around in her cupboards for a clean towel. “You know, I think this endurance training is paying off.”

“Yeah?”

“You never would have been able to hold me up during sex like that before.”

Belphie paused, eyes widening briefly before that familiar sly grin spread over his face.

“Guess I’ll have to keep at it then.”

[merakiui]

You got any yandere hcs of the boys before we start. Im an yandere obsessed anon who lives and brreaths reading this shit and I wanna know how fucked we can get

(Here you go, wonderful anon! I’ll post yandere hcs for the other teams soon. I’d also like to post yandere fics for these boys, but I’m not sure if anyone’s interested. >-< I’ve got two sitting in my drafts, though!)

Yandere Morning and Day Teams

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 TW: (yandere) unhealthy/obsessive behaviors, mentions of kidnapping/captivity, gas-lighting, starvation, abuse

Morning Team (Mane)

🧩 Ghilley 🧩

Ghilley is definitely a stalker. He’ll be in your shadow whether you like it or not. Nothing escapes his watchful gaze, so it’s important that your enemies choose their words around you.

He’s already skilled at sneaking around, so he’ll use that to his advantage. Popping in to give you a spook, showing up when you’re out with someone else, and even when you think you’re alone.

He’ll follow you if he thinks you’re going to get yourself into trouble again. His poor manager just has a habit of attracting bad people. Just let Ghilley handle all those vengeful spirits. You won’t have to lift a finger!

If anyone gives you problems, tell Ghilley and that issue will be solved in no time. And if you get curious and ask him what happened, he’ll just shrug the question off in a playful manner.

His behavior is unpredictable, so you never know what he does in his spare time. Truthfully, Ghilley’s either watching you or he’s playing a few tricks on those who bothered you. They’ll remember not to mess with you if they’re given a permanent fright.

You won’t notice what’s going on until everyone starts to keep their distance. Friends will make up excuses so they won’t have to hang out with you, and those who might’ve had some romantic interest in you have cut communication altogether.

When you’re feeling down, Ghilley will swoop in to cheer you up. You start to normalize your relationship with him because it’s all you currently know. No one else is willing to talk to you, so you can only rely on him.

Ghilley knows it must hurt to be alone, but it’s the only way he can have you to himself. So he’s willing to bury his pain if it means he’ll get to console you.

He wouldn’t hurt you, but he might remind you every now and then that he’s the only one who hasn’t abandoned you yet.

Yet. A word that’s become part of his daily vocabulary. A word that reminds you of the fact that he could leave you one day.

☀️ Ell ☀️

He shouldn’t feel these emotions to begin with. It’s almost...dirty, in a way. Almost like he’s sinning.

He’s not doing anything bad, though. Loving you was what got him kicked out of Heaven in the first place, but that’s not entirely evil in itself. At first, he assumed Cupid’s Arrow was the one to blame for these lovey-dovey feelings, but it’s not Cupid’s job to foster obsession among former angels.

He doesn’t recognize how suffocating his presence truly is. You’d probably have to tell him to back off before he stops sticking by your side, and even if you did something like that it’d make Ell incredibly sad. Without realizing it, he’ll start to guilt-trip you. 

“I’m sorry, Manager! You just looked like you could use some company. I... I can leave you alone if that’s what you want. You might think I’m annoying and—achoo!”

Nowadays, he’s been sneezing a lot, but the idea that his love for you is what’s causing all of this never crosses his mind. He just can’t wrap his head around that. Why would love, a pure, wonderful feeling, make him sneeze?

Under that smile of his are a dozen worries. He’s afraid he’ll chase you away or that you’ll stop liking him. Ell would feel crushed if that ever happened, so all of his energy goes into appeasing you.

He’ll show up unannounced at your office with your favorite snacks, follow you around the campus, and talk to you about literally anything. He could ramble about the grass if it means you’ll spare him your time.

Ell doesn’t really know the meaning of jealousy or hatred. Having been an angel once, he’s not used to negativity. He doesn’t necessarily feel extreme envy, nor does he hate any of the Reapers, but he does sulk about it.

It’s hard to say when he got obsessed. Perhaps it was when you first met and you mistook him for your own guardian angel. Despite the fact that he’s not an angel anymore, Ell likes the sound of that.

It’s a guardian angel’s job to care for and protect humans, so surely you won’t mind if he stays glued to you like a fungus. After all, it’s harmless, happy Ell! You’ve got nothing to worry about!

🐴 Jamie 🐴

Jamie is so strong it’s scary. Good luck trying to beat him in a fight if you ever attempt an escape.

He seems so innocent and kind on the outside, always willing to lend a hand when you’re struggling with Non-Non. If he’s being honest, he likes doing chores with you. It almost feels like the both of you are working on a farm together in the desolate outdoors. Just you, him, sprawling farmland, and no civilization in sight. How cute is that?

No one suspects he's obsessed until they look beyond that soft appearance of his. His gaze will linger to the point where it’s creepy, and he’ll smile while he watches you work.

He’ll get better at technology and city life so he’ll have something else to chat about whenever it’s just you and him.

If he finds out that you’re interested in something, he’ll try his best to learn more about it. Oh, you mentioned a new movie that’s been released in the human world? Maybe he’ll have to see it for himself. Did you want to try a new pastry from your favorite bakery? Jamie will buy it for you, so you should go with him!

He’s reliable, kind, and helpful—surely you’ll fall for those qualities. If not, he’ll find another way. After all, there’s a saying that goes ‘where there’s a will, there’s a way,’ and it’s not like he’ll give up anytime soon.

Jamie likes to imagine a comfortable life with you on the farm. Both of you will tend to the land and the animals, you’ll always have fresh crops, and you'll be together forever. It’s an ideal fantasy, but if you’re not willing he might just have to lock you up in the stables. 

Jamie doesn’t fret over potential rivals. If he was able to silence the thugs in his neighborhood, a few pesky humans are nothing.

He’ll get flustered when you say anything nice to him. It really warms his heart to be at the receiving end of your caring words.

And it’s even better when you're accepting his suffocating love. You’ll find that the bed is much softer than the stable. Just don’t push him too far. Sometimes he doesn’t realize his own strength, and your bones can only take so much pressure.

💋 Licht 💋

Licht didn’t think he’d find his soulmate so soon! Whether you click or not, Licht certainly feels a special connection. He’s going to flirt with you no matter what.

It’s up to you whether you respond to his playful advances, but if you decide to humor him be prepared to have this man all over you. If you’re returning his playful gestures and remarks, it must mean something!

Licht lives for storybook romance. There’s something so lovely about sweeping his true love off of their feet, so he’d like to woo you in traditional ways. He’ll gift you your favorite candies, give you a bouquet of flowers, and buy you cute trinkets that remind him of you.

He takes note of what you wear and whether or not you put on a perfume/cologne on certain days. He’ll memorize your fashion style and then try to match it with his own. Licht’s happy whenever the two of you conveniently match outfits. It’s almost like you’re a couple.

He’ll probably spray his own cologne on your clothes if he ever gets a hold of them. You’ll wonder where this new scent came from, and Licht will be over the moon if you decide to leave it as it is.

Licht will invite you on dates under the guise that the two of you are just hanging out as friends. Lo and behold, his real motive is to act like your boyfriend. If you aren’t careful, he might just go around telling strangers that you’re his partner.

He’s always touching you in some way. Sometimes it’s an arm around your waist or his hands are on your shoulders. To some, it’s just his affectionate personality, but to you it’s completely suffocating.

Whenever he holds your hand, it almost feels like he’s daring you to try. Like he wants you to run off and get a taste of the scary world so that he can come in to save you like a true prince.

He hopes that enough flirting will have you confessing. All of these romantic gestures have got to count for something!

Despite this, Licht wants to believe you love him as much as he loves you. Tricking himself is easy, but convincing you is going to be a challenge.

Day Team (Die)

🎹 Theo 🎹

Theo’s harbored some dark thoughts ever since he witnessed you and Nine in the storage room, happily playing the piano like a pair of friends. Like a pair of lovers.

Theo can’t stand it when the others are around you, especially if they have ill-intent. Whenever he takes care of bullies or vengeful spirits, he’s got this dead look on his face. It’s devoid of any feeling, and his eyes are filled with silent anger. It’s a stare that does more than curse; it could probably kill.

He’s rather clingy, always insisting that he accompany you to and from your destinations. If you decline, he’ll just smile and act polite. But if he finds out that you decided to go with someone else...

Theo wants to be the only one in your life. Everyone else is just a worthless germ that needs to be scrubbed away. If they linger around you for too long, he worries you’ll become infected.

He doesn’t want to hurt you, but sometimes you need to learn a lesson. If you’re so picky about eating the food he so graciously went out and purchased, then maybe you don’t deserve to eat at all. Not until you warm up to his cooking, that is.

He’s willing to do anything for you in order to appear perfect. If you were to tell him to shoulder your workload, he’d do it without a single complaint. If you wanted him to watch paint dry, he’d do it with his head full of you.

All he ever thinks about is you. Sure, his mind flits from June to new recipes to the piano every now and then, but it always seems to settle on you in the end.

What did you eat for breakfast? Did you get enough sleep? Would you like something to drink? Where are you going with Youssef? Why is Nine getting close to you? Why aren’t you looking at him?

Theo will know everything about you in time. Whether you like it or not, he’s going to unearth every detail he can. Even mundane habits you don’t pay attention to. Before you know what’s happening, Theo’s got your schedule memorized thoroughly.

He holds no remorse for those who get in his way. As sweet and disarming as he may seem to those around him, Theo’s wicked behind closed doors. That spell book of his has no business gathering all this dust.

🌹 Louis 🌹

Everyone assumes Louis has no interest in anyone other than himself, so it’s a surprise when he starts to give you more attention than normal.

His compliments start getting personal and they still don’t make sense. Just the other day, you were trudging through the hall, dead-tired, when Louis passed you. He stopped, smiled, and said, “Thy radiance outshines the brightest of stars!”

He’s always energetic like that, so it’s not like his behavior is particularly strange. But he spends more time flattering you than himself. His main priority isn’t his beautiful face anymore.

You deserve the world. Why hasn’t anyone given it to you yet? Fear not because Louis is determined to give you everything you could ever want. He’s a prince, after all, so it’s only fair that you sit upon the throne with him.

There’s no room for anyone else in this relationship. It’s just you and him. If you were to leave him, his heart would shatter! Sadness has never been a good fit on Louis, and you know how much he cares for his appearance. So you’ll do him a favor and stay so he won’t wilt like a rose, right?

It’s almost like he lives off of you. You’re his sunlight, water, and fresh air. Any less of your attention and he’s sighing dramatically. Won’t you be a dear and cheer him up? After all, it’s not every day you see Louis so upset.

He doesn’t want you to hate him. If you do, Louis will just ignore your hurtful feelings. He’s got more than enough love to go around. Surely that’ll convince you that he means no harm.

You’ll be treated like royalty, and everyone else is a mere peasant. Sure, Louis can say that he treasures everyone, but some people just aren’t worth his time.

Naturally, a prince deserves the finest, and he won’t settle for anyone who isn’t you.

So don’t fret! Those chains are only temporary, and once you show him some hospitality he’s willing to ease up on his restrictions. Although his sense of freedom is rather cracked.

♞ Ethan ♞

Ethan is a tough case. He hardly shows his emotions, so it’s difficult to determine how he’s feeling. He’ll never show any hostility towards you, though. It’s nothing but warmth and kindness.

When it comes to the others, he’ll give them the cold shoulder and a few cruel remarks. His patience tends to wear thin when he sees people bothering you.

Ethan’s like a hawk. He’ll keep an eye on you to make sure you’re staying out of trouble and he’ll swoop in as soon as something unsavory happens.

He’ll treat you like a glass figurine that’s always on the verge of breaking. At some point, he becomes your unofficial knight in a way. He’s willing to defend you by all means necessary, so everyone else should back off if they know what’s best for them.

At first, he scorned these feeble emotions for getting in the way of his stony resolve, but now he’s come to accept them.

It’s impossible to deter him from his motives. Once he’s got his mind set, he won’t change it. After all, everything he does is completely intentional.

He’ll just stare at you while you struggle in those bindings. If you were smart, you’d just accept your fate and act docile, but Ethan’s not a fool. He’ll keep you bound for as long as it takes.

You can try to reason with him, but nothing ever works. No matter how sweet the deal may seem, he never agrees to any of it.

Ethan will take care of you while you’re adjusting to a permanent life with him. You won’t go a day without a bath, healthy meals, or a lack of sleep. If Ethan says you’ll bathe, you’ll bathe. If he says you’ll eat, you’ll eat. His word are practically law.

Despite his harsh rules, he’s not that hard on you. He’d never lay a hand upon you, nor will you find yourself at the end of his sharpened sword. As long as you fall into a pleasant routine with little complaint, he’ll be happy.

💥 June 💥

June doesn’t realize his feelings for you are unhealthy. He just thinks they’re a natural part of life! Everyone falls in love at some point, right? So you can’t blame him when he’s doing everything he can to spend more time with you.

Your paperwork will never get done because June wants you to watch him while he trains. He’ll even show you his workout routine, hoping you’ll agree to train with him one day.

He’s one of the Reapers who doesn’t get jealous much. Unless someone’s really trying to get him to snap—which doesn’t happen often. But in the event that he does feel envious, he’ll frown a bit, his voice won’t be at its usual loudness, and he’ll sulk.

Immediately perks up the moment you give him any attention. He practically lives off of your reactions and has no problem announcing that to everyone.

June will remain loyal to you no matter what! Nothing can separate the two of you, and he’s convinced himself that you feel exactly the same. If you’re always smiling, it must mean that you accept his feelings! So then why have you started acting awkward when he continues to ramble passionately about how much he admires your strength and persistence?

Try to leave him and he’ll be so heartbroken. June won’t know how to react! Why would you want to leave? He’s never done anything that would warrant this kind of behavior. Maybe he just needs to give you more affection.

Bright and early, he’s knocking on your dorm with a huge grin. “Manager, the sun hasn’t risen yet, but that doesn’t mean we should wait for it! Let’s train hard today! Haha!”

June loves protecting you. Whenever he saves you from danger, he feels like a hero in those action movies he loves so much. Anyone would love to get saved by someone who’d die for them! This sort of loyalty will have you falling for him in no time.

And if it doesn’t, he can just create a few perilous scenarios. What you don’t know can’t kill you, right?

You’re his soulmate, so there’s no way he’d give you up in his afterlife.

[trash0receptacle]

Stress pt. 2

(This is based on my personal issues and stuff more as a way to cope. I’m not romanticizing any of mental illness and my goal is not to offend anyone. I also feel I should put a warning so trigger warning for: Depression, Anixety, Mentions of Anorexia, and death.)

If you feel any like this may trigger you then feel free to skip it.

My dms are open but I don’t have notifications turned on however I’m fairly active on here. With that out of the way

With the statement left hanging in the air the atmosphere of the room turned serious. Mc gained a vacant and sad expression.

“What do you mean it happened before you got here?” Satan questioned

“Mc, you know you can trust us right?” Asked them avatar of envy

This got a chuckle out of Mc who uncharacteristically said

“Trust is bullshit.... everyone I’ve trusted has either lied to me, hurt me, or left me. Trust isn’t exactly something I believe in anymore.”

The brothers had never seen Mc speak with such bitterness and sadness. It was shocking coming from the human who acted like an angel.

“Mc, I-“ Lucifer tried to say but was cut off by mammon

“Mc who hurt ya” Mammon questioned very angrily

“It’s a long list”

Mammon just hugged Mc tighter while the others stared holes into Mc’s clouded eyes.

“I know if I say what happened I won’t be able to stop. If I tell you guys then I’ll end up telling you everything and it’s not your fault I’ve had a lot of shitty stuff happen to me.”

“Mc you don’t need to feel like your burdening us with your problems honey.” Asmo murmured

“If I tell you just promise me you guys won’t you know hurt people because I have a feeling you guys might get a little angry” Mc painfully laughed

All of the brothers nodded thinking Mc must have been exaggerating but where soon to find out they weren’t.

“Well let’s start when my childhood ended, when the person I never thought I could live without left, my aunt. The person I had to watch die and suffer for months unbeknownst to myself. When at 12 years old I stayed by her side every day because I didn’t want her to feel alone. The person who plagues my dreams and subconscious. Then in middle school how I was mocked for being “sad” about how I watched my life be torn apart in front of me. How my parents became stricter and distant quick to punish me for anything. How my tract record for being everyone’s therapist started. When I started telling people how they matter and shouldn’t off themselves. How I avoided my own internal demons by consoling others who would later hurt me. Then how all I became good for was advice and I had no one I could vent to not even my therapist. After that I started starving myself because I couldn’t bring myself to cut. My friends cut but I wouldn’t because I couldn’t let anyone know how broken I truly was. How I became horribly suicidal and almost committed suicide in 7th grade twice. Or how on my 13th birthday I was throwing up inside the restaurant bathroom and when o came out my parents shook me asking me if I did it on purpose. I still don’t know if I did or not. Then I got better. I was saved by my parents and my therapist however I was emotionally exhausted at this point. Then bam 8th grade happened. At this point because school had been easy for me I never had to try before and my grades plummeted so I stopped caring about school. My parents were always on my case about missing assignments and bad grades and everything. Not to mention when I tired to be kind to a girl getting bullied because I felt sympathy. I saw myself in her and told the other kids to knock it off. However I guess she took that as an insensitive to start harassing me and ultimately assaulting me for months. I was told I didn’t have a choice when I tried to stand up for myself so I disassociated. At the same time my only grandfather was diagnosed with a Brian tumor but the doctors were positive he would be okay. I had friends who were well connected because I went to catholic school so I was able to surprise my grandfather with being able to be on the field as his favorite football team warmed up. He got a signed football form the coach that he would keep in his family room next or his chair. However a month later he was put in hospice like my aunt. I couldn’t handle it so recently after the last time. But at least my aunt kept her personality unlike my grandfather who I had to watch be unable to care for himself and lose his memories. After that was blue well until my birthday that year which my dad forgot. Then my grandfather died a month later but I was unable to attend his funeral because of the coronavirus. How next I was almost put in the hospital for attempting to unalive and because I had starved myself to the point where I ate once a day. Then summer happened and I was happy again. My friends lifted my spirit but then they all got in relationships and didn’t need me anymore. So I became in their eyes a lying and narcissistic bitch. I was told I was fat and awful by them. And then I got okay again but still didn’t trust people and we arrive in the present. Oh well I forgot to mention my parents disowned me but that’s a another story.”

Mammon started to cry and hold Mc just wanting to feel like they could protect them. He knew Mc had been through a lot but to this extent he had no idea. He felt so angry that people did this to his human.He felt guilt for calling Mc a stupid human knowing it probably hurt mc.

Levi went over to Mc and hugged them from behind. He wasn’t the most affectionate person but he wanted to confirm they were here. He never wanted his Henry to feel like they didn’t matter. He felt guilty about telling them to die in arguments where his anger to the better of him.

Satan just sat there unsure of what to do or say. What could he say “hey I’m sorry you got assaulted?” His wrath wanted to destroy the people who did this to Mc but Mc seemed to believe it was their fault. They also seemed like they don’t want violence.

Asmo just sat next to Mc like Levi wanting to confirm they were there. He felt so bad about being so flirty and touchy now knowing why Mc seemed to be so modest. He wished he’d known because looking back in it he probably brought memories back mc wanted to forget.

Beel for once didn’t feel hungry so he left to go to the kitchen not for himself but for Mc. Mc said they used to starve themselves? This is why the offer him their food. He felt shameful for eating it knowing the truth now.

Belphie just put his head on mc’s lap. They let him do it before so he figured it was fine. Even with all of Mc’s personal stuff they still wanted to help him. He wouldn’t let Mc feel like that again.

Lucifer was shell shocked. His pride wouldn’t let him show emotion so he left. He went to his office to find Mc’s file. None of this was in it. He talked to Diavolo informing him of the sudden “update”. He wanted to talk to Mc privately but figured he’d need to wait.

Mc felt guilty. “I knew I shouldn’t have said anything” “look now they hate you”. They really couldn’t handle all of this right now and asked for some space to think. Much to the brothers dismay they left knowing if Mc truly wanted to be alone they would be able to use their pact.

Lucifer however didn’t have a pact with Mc so he didn’t have to listen. Knowing they would be alone he asked them to come to his study.

When they arrived he just held mc.

Note: Yeah I didn’t know how to finish and I’m a little sick so please don’t be that critical. And I’m alright now I just know that a lot of people (myself included) find comfort or something similar when reading angst. It can help them with their issues etc. Anyway have a wonderful day or night loves

- Caroilne

[kageyuji]

MHA Headcanons...

Request: hi hi! i love your blog sm!! i was wondering, could you please do todoroki, mirio, bakugou, kaminari, and tamaki with a s/o who helps them de-stress by playing with their hair and softly singing them to sleep? probably either before their relationship, or while it’s still in its early stages. tysm luv~

Todoroki -

He...has a lot of stress, to say the very least.

Which was why cuddle sessions are a must.

Even though you two had just started dating, he had been close friends with you before your relationship and trusted you fully.

Therefore, he was only a little shy to place his head in your lap, being that you and he were the only ones in the dorm’s living room.

He’d tense up immediately.

He had never really had his hair played with, he usually didn’t like people touching him unless he specifically let them or he touched them first, so this just felt really new and...intimate?

You’d notice his pause as he stopped talking, apologize, and take your hand away.

“Oh, no. I like it.”

Cue your heart exploding quicker than Bakugou’s hands.

After a while of talking, when he’d slip off to sleep, you’d start to hum or tune of mumbling the lyrics to a song you had loved when you were a kid.

His eyes would flutter open, looking up, expecting to see a radio or CD player

But it’s you.

He just hadn’t realized you sang so pretty, even though you weren’t really singing loudly.

It was calming, he thought.

Mirio -

He’d never admit to you that he was sad or worried, it just went against his overall happy vibe that he tried to keep.

So when you found him close to tears in a janitor’s closet, your heart would break.

You instantly sit against the wall next to him without asking any questions and let him lean on you.

The second you stated playing with his hair, he went from stiff and awkward to literally puddy in your embrace.

He found it sweet that you started humming the tune of one of his favorite songs.

But when you start to softly sing the words, he melted once more.

He’s gonna ask you if you think less of him now, as if basic human emotion was something to be ashamed of.

When you tell him no, he somehow relaxes even more.

He could really just sit there for hours, letting the lyrics of his favorite song drift lazily but angelically off your lips.

Your hands in his hair was also something he couldn’t quiet get enough of.

After that, he regularly comes in for his endless destress appointments with you.

He just finds it nice to be able to be held for once, instead of trying to save everyone.

Bakugou -

What? Cuddles? Tch. Bakugou doesn’t need affection.

Or at least that’s what he’d say.

Truth us, the boom boom boi would treasure any attention you give him

Only, especially if it’s early in the relationship, he might not like doing it around others.

He just doesn’t want others to know that he has a weak spot and he doesn’t want people to know that you are it—a villain a had a lot of power that way.

But when you saw his sulking during training, and you walked up and started running your fingers through his hair, he didn’t push you off.

He needed it, even though he didn’t realize how much he needed it until you were running your fingers through his hair.

You’d continue playing with his hair, and his eyes would close as he leaned into you a little.

He didn’t notice, he was too relaxed at this point.

He did notice whenever you started mumbling lyrics to a new song you had gotten hooked on.

His sleepy eyes would open, but then shut again. If people knew he was awake they’d tease him relentlessly.

Besides, it wasn’t people’s business that he loved your voice so much.

Kaminari -

Honestly before the two of you even started dating, he was affectionate with you.

He just really liked being close to you.

So it was really common for him to walk in your room without his usually smile or (if he was actually just wanted cuddles) a dramatic pout and expect you to talk with him.

Only, one time after a particular rough day training, he fell asleep while leaned against you.

He could help it, your fingers through his hair just felt so good.

Let’s be honest, he’s a sucker for his hair getting played with.

Singing was a similar story.

He loves music, and to hear so you sing so flawlessly while hardly trying made his heart flutter with little electric jolts.

In fact, he might accidentally send little electric shocks through himself whenever you first do it.

On more than one occasion, you have accidentally sung him to sleep.

The one problem was, he had to sleep in his down and you always felt bad waking him up.

That’s not to say you won’t stay and play with his hair a little while longer—his hair is just so soft and fluffy. And he wouldn’t mind one bit.

Tamaki -

He gets nervous. Like a lot. And so he always needs reassurance that he’s allowed to do things as simple as hold your hand early in the relationship.

Therefore, usually you are left to initiate any form of PDA that you want into the relationship.

Only, once when he was scared, he turned and used you as a wall.

He’d bury his head in your neck, like it was hiding the secrets to getting out of the situation he was in.

Instinctively, your hand came up to play with his hair.

It was simple, just you twirling your finger around his hair.

But he was still a blushing mess about it.

When you started singing “you are my sunshine” quietly, his heart melted.

Like he actually forgot how to function after that.

He hadn’t forgotten moment after a few weeks of dating you, and he craved to have another like it.

Only...he didn’t know how.

He ended up walking into your dorm and nervously asking you to talk.

Of course, you complied and he nervously told you how he enjoyed that moment.

He stuttered a lot more than usual, which concerned you, but you understood.

Needless to say he gets his hair played with and sang to a lot more often.

[mythrilhusk]

Korosensei Never Dies - Chapter 6

Words - 1967 Ao3 Version Chapter 5 (last) Chapter 7 (Next)

AN: Just wanted to note (although it’s already in tags) that there are no ships in this story. The characters may be affectionate with each other, but it’s all platonic. 

====

Exams are the worst part of school, but the end of the first term approaches fast. Tommy determines he will not fail. Philza has promised to teach them how to fight, and by the ever-loving stars, Tommy wants to show off his mad skillz. 

He's so intent on getting fighting lessons that he's dragged his friends into group study sessions. Wilbur insists on leading said sessions, and somehow the schoolwork gets entwined with role-playing battles with fiercesome monsters. 

"The answer is forty-two!! I pull out a bazooka and blast everything to smithereens!" Tubbo cackles. "Nothing shall stand in the way of world domination." 

"Tubbo," Wilbur sighs for the fortieth time. "That would kill all of your teammates." 

"Do I care?" Tubbo grins innocently. "Less competition, big man!" 

"I lay down and die." Ranboo says drily, leaning against the wall with his arm around Tubbo's shoulders. 

"Not you, Ranboo, you're going to be my puppet queen. Every world-dominating super-villain needs a puppet queen." Tubbo says, quite matter-of-fact.

Tommy scrawls messily on his workbook, determined to complete the next answer first and get a turn. "Ha! Fucking x equals twenty-nine!" He crows. "I shoot my nets at Tubbo and capture him!!" 

"Stand-off." Wilbur says with a grin. "Who wrote Frankenstein?" 

"Some woman with a boring name." Tommy retorts. 

"Anne Rice!" Tubbo cries. 

"Tommy, you got the closer answer. It was Mary Shelley." 

"Alright, I win, and I say 'Hahaha, you fucking imbecile, you are no match for me!' and then I drag them to jail." 

"I completed my worksheet, Wilbur." Eret pipes up. Wilbur takes it, then nods for Eret to complete his bonus action. "I stab Tommy and release Tubbo, saying, 'The world is yours for the taking, but allow me to oversee a portion of it.' and then I kneel and plant my sword in the dust." 

"Oh! Oh!" Tubbo waves his worksheet in the air. "Ranboo, stab him for me!" 

"As you wish." Ranboo sighs with a wicked grin. Eret protests weakly in the background. 

"Ranboo, you need to answer a question correctly, first." Wilbur steeples his fingers. "Or else there will be penalties." 

"I, uh, I think I got this one correct." Ranboo shows his study sheet to Wilbur, who nods curtly. 

"Fine, go ahead." 

Ranboo turns to Eret and says in a dark tone, "You betrayed your friend. I can't trust you, Eret." Then he turns to Wilbur, "I run him through with my dagger." 

"Eret, you're now a ghost." Wilbur shuffles through his game notes. 

"Aw, man. Can I haunt anyone?" 

"Yes."

"I haunt Ranboo to remind him of his crimes." 

"Aw, dang, another voice." Ranboo groans playfully. 

"Whaddya mean, another??" Tubbo cries. "Am I being replaced, Ranboo??" 

"You- you are the voice." Ranboo laughs nervously. "Even when you're dead, I'll still hear you, shouting at me to not kill the bees." 

"You better not. I worked hard to cultivate our apiary." 

"I won't, I won't." 

Tommy finishes his worksheet, ignoring the chatter of the others. "Ha!" He turns it into a paper plane and throws it to Wilbur. "I want twelve actions now!" 

"Okay, Tommy." Wilbur replies with a sly smile. The others protest, but Tommy has Wilbur wrapped around his little finger, so they won't be winning this battle. 

"But! I want to split them up between us, because I'm a fucking nice person who loves women." 

"Go ahead." 

"My first action as King de facto of the world is to declare peace between the Moon and Mars." 

"Wait, wait, you're king?? Eret, you didn't even kill him properly!!" Tubbo throws up his hands. "Ranboo, kill Tommy for me." 

"Hypothetically, what if I didn't?" 

"Ranboo. Are you betraying me??" 

"No, no, I said hypothetically." 

"Then, hypothetically, I would nuke your entire homeland and make you watch as I killed your family before your very eyes." 

"Oh! Oh, no." 

"And then I would torture you to death." 

"Oh, man. That would not be good." 

"So are you going to betray me?" 

"Apparently not." 

"Aw, man. I wanted to torture somebody." Tubbo sighs. 

Ranboo gives Tommy a look that says 'help me'. 

"You both lost your turns for talking too long." Wilbur decides. "Tommy and Eret, you both have an extra turn." 

"I turn corporeal using necromancy, and I use Tubbo's soul as the energy source, draining him of life." Eret says, his cheerful eyes belying his dark tone. 

"No! Ranboo, avenge meeeee!!" Tubbo cries melodramatically to the heavens. 

"Oh no! I'll avenge you!!" 

"I kill Ranboo." Tommy cackles at the horrified look on Ranboo's face. 

"Oh, that's not good." 

"How do you kill him, Tommy?" Wilbur asks. 

"I stab the bastard through the fucking eyes." 

"Oh. Man. That sounds painful." Ranboo winces.

"It is. You're screaming like a fucking bitch." 

"Am I? Oh dang, that's not fun. Am I a ghost now?" 

"Ghostboo." Tubbo laughs. "You're now Ghostboo." 

"You're Toast, you don't get to mock my name." 

Tommy frowns. "What's my ghost name?"

"Ghommy." Ranboo laughs. "Eret is Gheret." 

"Tommy, you think we're ready for the exams?" Wilbur gathers the papers scattered across the floor.  

"Fuck yeah, we are. We'll crush those bastards to dust. We'll get the highest grades of anybody in the entire school!"

++++

"What do you mean, you can't transfer me?? My grades are the worst they've ever been in years!!" Jack cries, stomping his foot on the polished wood floor of the principal's office. 

"I'm sorry, duckie, but I can't let anyone transfer between classes this year." Puffy-- rumored to be a pirate in a past life and therefore always called Captain-- frowns as she flicks through Jack's portfolio. "Why did you want to be transferred, anyway?" 

"No reason." Jack grumbles, then stomps out of the office, slamming the door behind himself. 

"How'd it go?" Niki hops down from one of the pillars. 

"Terribly. Those bastards in 3-E must've told Captain Puffy to not let anyone in. They're probably planning to take over the world now, using Techno as bait!" Jack cries, his eyes burning with furious tears. 

"That's awful!" Niki wails. "What will we do?" 

"What do heroes do to villains? We bomb them." 

"Bomb them?" 

"I don't know how yet." Jack grins, filled with burning rage. "But we'll think of something." 

"I know a man." Niki says decisively. "He'll get us supplies. If they really are planning to end the world, we need to stop them." 

++++

Exams roll around, and 3-E joins the the main school buildings for the tests. Quackity and Sapnap both leap on and hug Karl Jacobs. Tommy strides through the testing auditorium like he owns the place, with Wilbur glaring at everyone and Tubbo whetting his dagger with a placid smile. 

Fundy watches the chaos from the sidelines, chewing on caramel taffy and bubblegum at the same time. He doesn't recognize the quiet boy huddled in a corner and writing. Before he can creep over and look at the boy's words, Eret accosts him. "Hey, man." 

"Oh, hey!" Fundy grins and hugs his friend. "What've you been up to?" 

"Oh, just trying to stop the world from ending and make a profit in the process, you know, the usual." 

"Right, right. What's up with that, anyway? This guy, Technoblade? He must be really hard to kill if nobody's done it yet." 

"We have till the year ends." Eret says gravely. 

"Right. But why hasn't anybody, I don't know, tried to get in on the action?" 

"The government is supposed to be keeping his location a secret." Eret adjusts his sunglasses. 

"Weird." Fundy pops a bubble between his lips. 

"Indeed. I know there must be a weakness. But I'm not sure what it is."

"Maybe it's something like technical immortality! Maybe he can only be killed if he lets it happen!" Fundy theorizes, chewing more intensely. 

Eret grimaces. "Perhaps. Threatening his friend, Philza, directly is out of the question. But perhaps we can get the kill switch from the president." 

"Woah, woah, back up!" Fundy laughs. "There's already a kill switch in his friend and the prezz hasn't thought to use that??" 

"Well, he's a hostage, but- oh." 

"Exactly!! If the prezz actually wanted him dead, all they'd have to do is threaten to kill this Philza dude if Techno doesn't let himself be killed!" Fundy blows another bubble and pops it with his teeth. "Damn, I'm good." 

"That's assuming Technoblade would die if he allowed it. What if he can't?" Eret muses. 

"He has to have some weakness. How was he even created??" 

"I- I don't know." 

"The only way a mutant like that could be created is through Human intervention, aka a laboratory and scientists!!" Fundy claps his hands together excitedly. "But why would scientists create a creature who can destroy the world?? Unless he can't, and this is all just a damn test." 

"Hmm." Eret doesn't sound convinced. 

"So, they're trying to develop immortality, and they're testing it on Technoblade-"

"Why him?" Eret asks. "And if it is a test, why here, with a bunch of students?"

"He got loose before the tests could be finalized, and they're trying to contain him again!" Fundy starts pacing. "He was a terrorist, yeah? I remember him in the news. The Acolyte." 

"Blood for the blood god." Eret reminisces, paling. "That's right." 

"He only ever went after important government figures! But, five years ago, he disappeared, and nobody ever heard from him again. Until now..." Fundy grins wildly. "This is amazing, I can't believe I get front row seats to a conspiracy!" 

"Wait." Eret groans. "He had a partner." 

"Oh! He did?" 

"Technoblade was the Acolyte. But his partner was the Angel. What if that was-" 

"Philza!!" Fundy cries. "Oh god, we have both of the most deadly international terrorists in my school!! Why couldn't I have worn better clothes??" 

"I don't think that should be our main concern." Eret steeples his fingers. "I think we should worry more about what they're planning to do." 

"I'm going to talk to Captain Puffy." Fundy decides. "Come with me?" 

"I'll pass. Good luck." 

"I've got the best luck in the world." Fundy crows and skips off. He glances back once, briefly, only to see Eret watching him with an unreadable expression. 

++++

Tipsy, Schlatt lounges on one of the pristine metal tables. In the background, HBomb sweeps up the shards of a broken whiskey bottle, the remnants of a drunken tantrum. 

"Heyyy." Schlatt greets the mercenary waiting in the doorway. "Come on in." 

"How much do I get paid for my trouble?" The mercenary asks, slouching in a too-large purple hoodie and baggy pants. 

"Fifteen billion, take it or leave it." Schlatt grins. 

"I'll take it. But this is the last time." 

"Sure, honey." 

"How'd you lose him again?" 

"Bitch killed half my fucking scientists." Schlatt shrugs genially, hiding his irritation. "But we've got a neutralizing agent, now." He tosses a capsule to the mercenary, who catches it and inspects it. "Inject that and he'll be as harmless as a two-ton hippo." 

"That's hardly what I'd call harmless." 

"Eh, semantics. He won't be immortal." 

"Hmm." The mercenary pockets the neutralizer. "I'll do it. But you'd better pay me exactly what you promised, or he dies." 

"C'mon, darling, what do you take me for? A scam artist?? Nah, that's not my fucking style. Return him safe and sound, and everything will be just fine." Schlatt lights a cigar, takes a deep drag, then lets it all out in a slow plume. "Do as I say and nobody gets hurt." 

++++

Eret opens his buzzing phone and answers, "Hey." 

"Crocodiles don't cry often." The familiar voice says coldly into their ear. 

"Crocodile tears are worthless." Eret replies. 

Purpled laughs on the other end. "What do you say, partner? Ready to make some dough?" 

Eret grins, baring her teeth. "Always." 

Chapter 7 (Next)

[justkeeptrekkin]

If you’re still doing ineffable husbands prompts??? Something with Crowley and being self conscious bout his eyes pls. It’s a weakness of mine lol

I had way too much fun writing this… I hope you enjoy!! Tagging my mate @mikudave, who also requested some snake Crowley. 

***

“Crowley, dear, where are you hiding?”

Crowley cracks open one snake eye. Technically, he isn’t hiding. He had been napping, until Aziraphale’s sing-song voice woke him up. Naps are always significantly better when you can be a snake and curl up in some quiet nook somewhere. No bed required. No judgment. Because, unsurprisingly, people don’t tend to judge snakes that happen to be asleep behind a bookcase- they just scream and run away. 

Crowley pokes his snakehead around the edge of said bookcase and darts his tongue. He can taste Aziraphale’s cologne in the air. Out of sight, somewhere in the room, Aziraphale sighs wearily, but affectionately. 

“Oh, come now, there’s no need for that. If you want to ignore me then don’t go to sleep in my bookshop.”

He stretches his head out further, and he sees him- stepping slowly into the room, looking about the place with a small smile and a twinkle in his eye. His neck craned backwards so he can gaze up into the light that pours through the glass dome above. Bathing in it like the day he was born- how all angels are born, in the light of God’s smile. 

All angels including Crowley, once upon a time. 

Crowley lets his snake eyes stare at him from afar, just for a moment longer. Then, he gathers his limited energy and slithers into view. He likes a good slither. Slithering is much more satisfying than walking, which involves using too many joints, and hips getting in the way. Just as he’s about to sneak up behind Aziraphale’s back, the angel turns and peers down. He sighs again, straightening his waist-coat thoughtlessly. 

“Oh there you are, my love.” Crowley’s cold blood warms at those words. He curls around Aziraphale’s leg like a vine, wrapping around his waist and coming to rest his head on his shoulder. Aziraphale peers over at him with narrowed eyes and raised brows, a furtive smile. “Where have you been, then? Scare any customers away?”

“Yesssssss. Jusssst a couple. One of them almost called animal control.”

“Wonderful. Hang on- actually,” Aziraphale double takes, planted on the spot now that he has a giant python wrapped around him. “Not all that wonderful, Crowley. I do very much appreciate that you’re- uhm-”

“Sssssstanding guard,” he supplies.

“Fine, standing guard, however you want to call it. I admit that it was getting exhausting miracling all the customers away, and I do love you for doing this, but- I don’t know how many times I can convince the RSPCA that ‘no, there’s no python here, everything’s just fine, tickety boo, nothing to worry about, officer, thank you very much, have a nice day’. And all that.”

The chastising look he’s getting from Aziraphale isn’t very intimidating- actually, it’s a bit comical, particularly with his face this close to Crowley’s. He can only see him with one eye, anyway- the other eye, on the other side of his snake head, is facing Aziraphale’s desk and surveying the half drunk bottle of whisky with interest. 

Thinking that perhaps he ought to give Aziraphale a chance to have a real conversation face to face, he makes a sussurating, serpentine sigh and takes his human form. By the time scales have become skin and the tail has become limbs, he’s still wrapped around Aziraphale, albeit with his feet on the ground. His arms are around Aziraphale’s waist, clinging. His face buried in the soft cashmere of his jacket. His breath hot on his face, trapped between the material and his lips. He lets himself hang there. 

Aziraphale feels like home. 

It makes Crowley angry sometimes, thinking of all the times he could have held him like this, felt like this. All the times he could have been braver and said those three simple words.

“Have you been sleeping all morning?” Aziraphale asks gently, rubbing his back.

“Sleepy,” he grumbles.

“Oh, dear.” The way Aziraphale says this is like he’s consoling a moody toddler. 

“S’fine. Just that it’s cold outside and your shop’s warm.”

“Mmm, yes. I turned the heating on the day before yesterday. Such strange weather we’re having at the moment. Do you know, British Gas rang me yesterday and tried to tell me that I haven’t been paying my bills. Can you believe it?”

Crowley snorts, lifts his head up and leans back from their embrace a little. Soft, but stern pale eyes scan over Crowley’s face. 

“What did you say?”

Aziraphale blinks at him. “Well, obviously I found my log books and gave them a thorough run down of my payments. As if I don’t keep track of my bills. Really.”

“Really,” he agrees with amusement.

There had, of course, been the time when Aziraphale had been visited by the Tax Man for being so suspiciously good at balancing his books. Truth is, he really is just that diligent. Crowley briefly feels sorry for the British Gas employee who must have been on the other end of that phone call- they must have had their ear talked off. Gotten a proper lecture, just like the Tax Man. And then, Crowley is bizarrely overwhelmed by how proud he is of Aziraphale for being so unceasingly irritating. 

This thought process is interrupted as Crowley registers the dreamy look on Aziraphale’s face. A sweet smile and pinched brows. 

“What is it,” he asks warily. Aziraphale’s soppy expressions usually indicate when Crowley’s unintentionally done something nice. Or romantic. 

Well, at least, it’s very rarely intentional.

“Nothing, my dear.” Aziraphale pats his chest with a coy smile. Implying it’s not nothing at all, and he’s about to expand any second- 

“It’s just,” the angel continues, gaze peering at him through his lashes. “You have such lovely eyes. Sometimes, it just catches me off guard.”

Of all the things for Aziraphale to say, he hadn’t expected that at all. 

And after all the years that the two of them have known each other, his compliments still make Crowley twitch. 

“Don’t be stupid,” he mutters. He hates how he sounds. 

And he loves that Aziraphale is unfazed by the sneer that’s most probably on his face right now.

“You do. They’re really, truly beautiful, my dear.”

“Stop it.”

“I am being totally serious.”

“That doesn’t mean you’re right.”

“Oh- I may be a bit daft at times, but I’m right about some things, and this is one of them.”

“God you’re- you’re insufferable-”

“You’re beautiful, Crowley-”

“Aziraphale.”

“Your eyes are golden like Autumn leaves-”

“Jesus. I’m- I am genuinely considering becoming a snake just to strangle you, you do realise that-?”

“Shining like distant suns-”

“I will leave you.”

“Do you not see that you have nice eyes, Crowley?”

“They’re fine. They’re eyes. Serve their purpose.”

“Yes but- they’re golden. They’re remarkable. Some would even say angelic.”

“Except they’re not, are they?”

The teasing smile on Aziraphale’s expression falls a little. The teasing tone in Crowley’s voice turns bitter. And Aziraphale’s hands hold onto the lapel of Crowley’s jacket. The gesture is strangely protective. 

“Oh. Oh, I’m sorry, Crowley. I hadn’t realised you were self-conscious,” Aziraphale says quietly. Just for them to hear, even though they’re alone in the bookshop.

And Crowley doesn’t look back, even though he feels Aziraphale’s eyes on him. He refuses to look back. Something in him makes him want to run away. He doesn’t- instead, he grinds his teeth and breathes loudly through his nose, staring at the pile of E. M. Forster books on the table adjacent. 

He could stand here silently and ignore that statement, or he could argue (and lose that battle, because there’s no use arguing with Aziraphale). Instead, he sighs. 

“They’re not angelic, though, are they. They’re the one thing about my form I can’t change. If I discorporate, I could have any other body, but I would still have these eyes.” And he thinks he’s finished, except he hasn’t, because the words tumble out of his mouth like he’s drunk. “Just- you know, a fun reminder of that little mistake I made, when I was young and reckless- and hung out with the wrong crowd, like any stupid kid does. A warning to everyone else that I’m wily. And bad and cruel and untrustworthy. Because, obviously, you know, people deserve to have their mistakes literally branded on them for the rest of eternity.”

And then he really is finished, so he swallows and sighs, turning his gaze to Aziraphale’s bow tie. It’s not tartan today, but it’s just as poncy. Meanwhile, Aziraphale is quiet. Like he’s been embarrassed into silence for putting his foot so thoroughly in it, Crowley thinks. 

But then, Aziraphale always manages to surprise Crowley, just a little. 

“I know just the thing.”

With one more comforting pat on Crowley’s chest, Aziraphale untangles himself and disappears behind some bookshelves. The shop feels almost frighteningly large- without Aziraphale’s close presence, without the tight nook of a bookshelf as a bed. Crowley peers over his shoulder to see him fussing, tutting to himself as he peruses a pile of dusty first editions. Moving one pile out of the way to make room for the next, bending down to find something in particular, it seems. 

“What you looking for, angel,” he asks, a little gruffly in his confusion.

Aziraphale doesn’t answer, which is his way of telling Crowley to be patient and bear with him. Eventually, he makes a pleased little hum, and pulls out a book from the bottom of the very last pile. 

Aziraphale twirls around theatrically to face Crowley, book open in one hand and the other clutching his chest. 

“Golden Eyes,” he announces, with his best thespian voice. “A poem by Laurence Hope.”

“No,” is all Crowley says in response. 

“Oh Amber Eyes, oh Golden Eyes! Oh Eyes so softly gay!”

“Christ.”

“Wherein swift fancies fall and rise, Grow dark and fade away!” Aziraphale begins to pace the room, book hand extended like he’s reading from a script. Like he’s one of Shakespeare’s actors, only, miraculously, even more ridiculous. “Eyes like a little limpid pool That holds a sunset sky, While on its surface, calm and cool, Blue water lilies lie-”

“You can stop now,” Crowley argues, a smile creeping up on him. 

Aziraphale seems to pick up on his amusement, because he bounds over with dramatically wide eyes, and is now, God help him, making whimsical hand gestures to accompany his performance. He’s enjoying this too much. “Oh Tender Eyes, oh Wistful Eyes, You smiled on me one day, And all my life, in glad surprise, Leapt up and pleaded ‘Stay!’ Ooh, now, hang on,” he interrupts himself, “let me just find my favourite bit…”

“You- don’t. You don’t have to.”

“I do, and I shall,” he replies primly, putting on his reading glasses and tilting his head upwards so he can read the pages a little better. “Ah! Here we are- are you ready?”

“No.”

“Ah laughing, ever-brilliant eyes, These things men may not know, But something in your radiance lies, That, centuries ago, Lit up my life in one wild blaze Of infinite desire To revel in your golden rays, Or in your light expire.”

And- yeah, alright, that is quite nice, Crowley thinks. Maybe he can put up with being serenaded every now and then, so long as he gets to roll his eyes and pretend he hates it. And Aziraphale’s bashfulness finally seems to catch up with him as he approaches Crowley slowly, eyes fixed on the book and a small, self-conscious smile on his lips. 

He continues, softly.

“If this, oh Strange Ringed Eyes, be true, That through all changing lives This longing love I have for you Eternally survives-” 

Crowley reaches out a hand to find Aziraphale’s, to run along his arm. 

“May I not sometimes dare to dream In some far time to be Your softly golden eyes may gleam Responsively on me?”

And at that, Aziraphale sighs. He looks away from the page and Crowley takes the book from him, lays it on the table behind him. 

“Well?” Aziraphale asks quietly. A little coquettishly. “May I dare to dream?”

Crowley huffs and shakes his head. He lays a hand on Aziraphale’s cheek, watches the angel’s eyes flutter closed. 

“You silly sod,” he whispers, just so he doesn’t have to hear himself choke. 

With that said, he answers Aziraphale’s question- he answers in a kiss. Soft, sure, and more eloquent than any words he’d ever be able to stumble through.

[kaalamarii]

MC’s 80′s Party-Hold Me Now

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23993053/chapters/57914824

Summary: You and Lucifer aren’t on speaking terms and it turns Luci into a soft emo boi.

Parirings: Lucifer/Reader MC

Word Count: 1758

Warnings: Luci’s in his feelings. My dumbass forgetting that Cerberus doesn’t live at the House of Lamentation.

You look to Lucifer, wanting to go to him. Things had been weird between the two of you lately, between a lot of fucking and a lot of fighting, you’re not sure where you stand with the eldest brother. He didn’t say so, but you knew it stung him a bit when he found out you’ve been feeling homesick. He’s understanding, of course. You were suddenly ripped from your life to come to Devildom, and it’s not like you had a say in it. Still, he can’t help but feel a bit hurt.

He would never say this to you, of course. But since the planning of the party started, he had been different toward you. He barely speaks, and when he does, it’s about your tasks or some other sort of lecture. You had had enough of it and called him out the other day, and being the Avatar of Pride, he denied feeling anything for you.

“You’re just a human,” he told you. “After you go back home, where you want to be, you won’t even matter to me.”

You felt tears in your eyes and ran out of the room. Lucifer didn’t bother going after you. He wasn’t the type to come running, begging for your forgiveness.

You hadn’t said a word to him for the past few days and you weren’t going to now.

Lucifer was standing near the entrance of the dining room, looking super handsome and not at all like himself in jeans and red plaid. You recognize him as John Bender from the Breakfast Club. You feel a jolt run through your body as you begrudgingly check out the demon. You sigh. He looks hot.

Next to him is Diavolo in full blown Freddie Mercury, the cutest fake mustache and his white tank top showing off muscles you didn’t realize Diavolo had. The perverted side of you drums up naughty visuals of being sandwiched between Diavolo Mercury and 80s bad boy Lucifer, but you shake them off, swearing that asshole Lucifer is never getting in your pants ever again.

Instead, you make your way to the dance floor, where Asmo and Simeon are talking and dancing with each other. Asmo is looking absolutely gorgeous as Boy George, make up and outfit on point. Simeon stood next to him, as Michael Jackson from the Thriller video. On the sidelines stood Luke as a very adorable and grumpy looking Bob Ross.

You look at Luke and his face softens. He waves to you and you wave back before getting distracted by Asmo bringing you into a hug. “You look beautiful, Material Girl!” Asmo says with a squeal.

“Please, look at you!”

He waves his hand at you and scoffs. “Just adding to the beauty that I already have. And would you look at Simeon here... Simeon, show MC what I taught you.”

Simeon does a small snippet of the Thriller dance and the moonwalks. “Heee heee!” he says and you giggle.

“Very cute.”

Simeon smiles. “Luke hates it. He says the 80’s was a disgusting time. He said Bob Ross is the only nice thing to come out of that decade.”

“Doesn’t match his personality,” you reply, “but he sure does look adorable.”

Asmo puts his hands on his hips. “Enough talking about the chihuahua. Let’s dance, MC.”

You smile and Asmo grabs your hand, twirling you and swaying his hips with you. You laugh as he dips you and twirls you again, passing you to Simeon.

“I’m surprised you didn’t go to Lucifer,” Simeon says. “You two have been pretty close lately, huh?”

“I guess so. He’s been a dick recently.”

Luke covered his ears, complaining to himself about your language and the fact that you actually spend time with demons. Simeon isn’t bothered in the slightest by your swear. “That’s just Lucifer...you know he gets like that.”

“True,” you say, agreeing with the angel, “He isn’t always the most affectionate. I know deep down he cares and that it isn’t personal.”

Simeon nods, listening to you. “But he still needs to learn to be gentler, right?”

“Exactly. He’s all upset because I miss home. But it’s not that I hate being here. It’s not bad for being...well, Hell.”

Simeon chuckles.

“And I love the brothers. But I mean, I didn’t have a choice to come here...I was totally thrown in here, unprepared.”

“I get it,” Simeon states as he twirls you, before bringing you into him, pressing his hips against yours and moving to the music. “It’s hard for you, even if you are enjoying yourself. I imagine it’s difficult for Lucifer as well. He probably never thought you’d be forming a bond with his brothers, and certainly not with him.”

You look over at Lucifer, who is watching you dancing with Simeon, a serious look on his face that you can’t read. As if hearing your thoughts, Simeon speaks up. “I think he wants to talk to you.”

“Yeah, right. You and I both know that Lucifer doesn’t talk about feelings.”

“Give him some credit, MC.”

You sigh, looking back at Lucifer, watching as he gets up and goes to the kitchen, coming back out with a bowl of food for Cerberus. He looks over at you and gives you a small apologetic smile before heading out of the dining room.

Lucifer walks to his room where Cerberus is staying and sets the bowls down for each of the heads. He sits on his bed, lounging back, as he waits for the three headed dog to finish eating. He pulls out his phone, opening up Devilgram. He doesn’t see the appeal of it, honestly, but is always curious to see what his brothers and you post. He stops at a selfie of you, Asmo, and Simeon from tonight. He looks at you, and taps on your name, going to your page. He scrolls through, stopping to admire all your photos. There’s selfies of you, funny pictures of you and his brothers. There’s a group of pictures of the two of you. One where your heads are touching and you’re both smiling, another one with him serious and you kissing his cheek. The caption is a simple red heart emoji.

He sighs, closing to Devilgram to look at his personal photos of the two of you. There’s photos there he wouldn’t dare to show anyone else; you looking sexy in lingerie, post sex selfies, you and him kissing and cuddling, even a few with him doing goofy faces with you. He adores you. And he adores these pictures, cherished memories of your short time together.

He misses you. He hates when you two fight. Unfortunately with you being stubborn and never following rules and him being the Avatar of Pride, fighting happens often with the two of you.

He has to apologize, he knows that. It’s always so hard for him, but he’s already had a lot of loss in life and he isn’t about to lose you.

He’d never tell you this, but his heart flutters in his chest when he hears you knock on his door. He knows it’s you because you knock so softly compared to his brothers and Diavolo, and Cerberus reacts with a wagging tail instead of a growl. He gets up, a little more quickly than he’d ever admit, and opens the door.

“MC.”

“Hey…” you say, awkwardly. “Can I come in? I think we need to talk.”

He hesitates, then nods, moving to the side so you can walk into his room. He sits on his bed again as he watches you go over to the dog, petting each of his heads. He’s patient, waiting for you to start.

You know he’s not going to break the ice. You sit on his bed next to him. “So…”

“Yes?”

“You left the party.”

He nods. “I had to feed Cerberus.”

“That’s right, I forgot he was here for the week. Is that the only reason you left?”

He thinks for a moment, and tells you (somewhat) honestly. “No. I’ve been around my brothers all day setting up the party. Alone time is nice.”

“Oh,” you say, a little hurt.

“I mean, a break from them. You’re more than welcome here. Anytime. You know that.”

You nod, accepting his answer.

“Are you enjoying your party?”

“I am.”

“Hopefully you feel a bit more at home,” he says, a bit sour.

You sigh. “Luc…”

He cringes, still getting used to your nicknames for him.

“I do miss home, but I still like it here, you know? I love spending time with all of you. You, especially.”

“Fine,” he replies.

You roll your eyes. “What do you mean by fine, Lucifer? I don’t understand you. I think we’re getting along and then you pull shit like that.”

“What are you going on about?” Lucifer asks, furrowing his brows at you. “I don’t know what you want from me, MC.”

You groan in frustration, throwing yourself down on the bed and staring at the ceiling. “I want you to stop being such an asshole and just tell me how you feel...I mean, I don’t understand what’s going on with us.”

“How I feel?”

“Yes, like...do you love me?”

“How am I supposed to answer that?”

“Truthfully.”

He sighs. “MC, I barely know you.”

“Barely know me? Luc, you’ve been inside me, for fuck’s sake. You’re saying that there’s nothing between us?”

“I’m saying there can’t be anything between us. My feelings for you cannot get in the way of the exchange program.”

You feel tears well up behind your eyes.

He hates this part… when your lip quivers and your eyes start to water. The look of pain on your face and the way your voice trembles as you try to keep yourself composed. He hates it so much.

“Then what has the past month been? Just fucking?”

“I don’t know…” Another hard sentence for him to say.

You scoff. “You are utterly ridiculous.”

“I just know that I like you around,” he says. He laces his fingers with yours. “I like our alone time, even if we’re just cuddled up or doing our own thing. I know that I wish you never had to leave.”

You look up at him, surprised he’s opening up.

“I hate fighting with you, MC.”

“I hate fighting, too.”

He leans over, kissing you. “Then, let’s not.”

You smile. “What would you think of a quickie before we go back?”

He smirks, his devilish side coming back out. “Sounds delightful.”

[twodaysintojune]

A Petal, A Flower, A Bouquet of Roses

Supernatural, Sastiel, Warnings-None

Find me at AO3

It had not been hard to find the actual name and cause of the disease. The specifications were also pretty straightforward. The patient will die after an approximate time of six months of coughing the first petal. It was very simple but at the same time there was some irony in it. “What is the point of a disease that kills if the disease is suffered by an angel like me?“ Castiel wondered to himself while closing the book in front of him. He didn’t need to read more.

It would be bothersome but he was more than capable to deal with it. If things came to the worse, he would use his currently minimal grace reservoirs to cure it.

He wouldn’t say anything to the brothers, especially not to Sam. There was no reason why he would inflict such an annoying situation on him. 

As to the reason why he was suffering it, he realized clearly what had triggered it all.

“There is nothing worth losing you.”

Those had been the words that sealed his fate. The words that made him realize he would do anything for Sam. For both brothers, yes. But especially for Sam.

When he read the words "only a pure yet passionate unrequited love is able to trigger the disease." He was close to bark a laugh. 

It had been Sam's affectionate yet friendly hug that had given him the first odd clench in his chest.

They had been doing research for another day when the first petal came out of his mouth. He knew something was wrong the moment he, an immortal being, started to cough but the touch of the velvety fleshy delicate thing in his hands had him mesmerized.

Despite knowing it was extremely unusual and definitely not normal, he waved it aside as an odd thing and nothing more. Specially considering Dean was nowhere around and Sam was stubbornly trying to do everything on his own, neglecting his own wellbeing as always. Apparently the calling out had not even lasted a week. 

Five days later came the first bloom. And along it, the pain. Cas felt a prickle on his chest before the fit of coughs began. He coughed time and again and clearly felt how something crawled it's way upwards through his trachea, dragging itself along the tight breathing canal. Opening wounds where the sharp thorns managed to get stuck in the way out that immediately healed thanks to his grace.

It was a rose. A massive bloom of a pale pink so perfect and delicate, petals turning darker on the inside until it reached a deep saturated tone inside in a graceful gradient. 

Castiel went looking for a reason and he found the book.

"Wow, that is a beautiful rose. Where did you get it?"

"Uh… The field outside."

Sam took the rose without a second thought, it was obvious he was mesmerized by the perfection within it. The fresh and delicate scent more potent the closer he placed it under his nose.

“You can have it if you want.”

“I uh… thanks Cas but I couldn’t.”

“I have no use for it. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it more than I can.”

“It’s just that I don’t have a flower vase.”

Castiel turned to look at him with a blank stare. Sam blushed when he realized Castiel was in the same situation since they both lived in the same place.

“Okay, I uhm… I’m sure there’s an empty beer bottle in the kitchen I can use.”

“Good.”

Days passed by. Once Castiel and Sam realized there was nothing there that could help them track Gadreel, Castiel made the decision to leave the bunker and start trying on the road. It was not what he really wanted but it was the only thing he could do. Among the random petals, he had coughed another rose and decided to leave it by the first one and a second he had coughed earlier. Sam found it the next day, right before leaving to look for Garth, who had suffered an accident. He took in a breath of the delicate perfume with a smile and went away.

Two months later Castiel received a call from Sam. He was reclined comfortably in his parked car listening to the hunter’s soothing voice.

“I see, it is a shame that she was unable to stay.”

“I mean, she could have stayed but her brother’s death was a hard hit so she’s going back to Peru.”

“Well, I guess it’s how you humans say, all’s well that—” He began to cough.

“...Cas?”

In the middle of his fit, Castiel turned to the phone once more. “I’m sorry Sam I—” a heavy series of coughs came again. “I’ll call you later.”

He turned the phone off and, feeling like he was coughing his lungs out, he saw three beautiful roses come out of his mouth. Droplets of blood dripped from Castiel’s mouth. His grace easily healed his inner organs but the ghost of the pain lingered. This was the first time more than one came out and he frowned at them.

“So this is how it works huh?”

Castiel sighed. He stepped out of the car and opened the trunk, a moment later, all three roses were placed among over almost a hundred similar looking blooms, carefully arranged on a wooden box by the few other weapons he carried with him.

Sam moved his phone away from him and looked at it frowning, pensieve.

“What? What is it?”

“Cas was… coughing.”

“What? Can he even do that?”

“I don’t… Have you ever heard him coughing before?”

“Maybe he swallowed a bug. Big fly.”

“Ew Dean, that’s gross.”

“I mean, I cannot really think of any other reason.”

Sam sighed, he waited but Castiel didn’t call back. In the end, he sighed once more and looked outside the window to watch the road pass by while his brother drove them home. When they arrived, Dean saw the flowers in the beer bottle. He picked them up.

“Oh Sammy, you did miss me! You shouldn’t have.”

Sam bitchfaced him but realized something alarming. It had been two months since he had left the bunker. No flower resilient as it were could survive such a long time unblemished with just some water and hidden in the deep darkness of the underground kitchen table. Dean immediately noticed his brother’s worried look and asked him about it. When Sam explained the situation Dean also frowned confused.

“But why would Cas be making everlasting flowers?”

“I don’t know… He said he had found it outside but he was reading a book that had a lot of 

flowers drawn inside… Damn, I can’t remember which one it was.”

“Well, go check his room, maybe he took the book there.”

Sam nodded and thanked Dean for the idea. The moment he stepped in Castiel’s room, he felt a faint scent of roses by his side. He looked around sniffing, trying to find the source of the scent until he looked downwards and found a small mound of petals in the dustbin.

He picked them up and frowned once more. All the petals still looked like they had been shed from the actual flower just a couple of seconds ago. Keeping one random petal in his hand, Sam began to look into the sparse amount of items Castiel had in his place. He had never gone inside for more than a couple of seconds before and now the curiosity of Castiel’s odd behaviour made him lose what little discretion he might have still had.

He noticed that despite being living with them for a while now, there was not much about the room that could be attained to Castiel. Yes, there were books, but they were all from the bunker shelves and only a sad half used writing block that Sam recognized as his own along a pen that he had lent the angel months ago was breaking the monotony.

Castiel didn’t even have more clothes. The half open bureau that Sam scrutinized was empty and covered with a soft layer of dust. Sam felt a little pang of sadness when he realized that if something happened to the angel, there would be nothing left that he could keep with him as a reminder of the immortal being. Not like that would ever happen, it was more probable that he or Dean would meet their demise before anything happened to Castiel but still the idea of having to live knowing that his angel was gone…

Sam stopped his tracks. There was a book with a similar appearance to the one he remembered Castiel reading earlier on over the bedside table. He took it and opened it up. A quick scanning told him it was what he was looking for.

“Hey Sam!”

Dean’s voice came booming with an echo throughout the hallway.

“Yeah!?”

“We’re low on groceries, come on, we’re going to town!”

“Alright!”

Closing the book, he carefully left it on Castiel’s desk to remind himself to take it up once more. In the end if all Castiel was doing was trying to imbue flowers with life, there was no difference whether he checked about it today or tomorrow.

There were brief moments he remembered to check the book, especially when he called Castiel and was cut at the middle of their talk due to another coughing fit. Unfortunately those times were also times when he was not at the bunker. 

Everytime he was back at home he was reminded to look thanks to the three roses now lingering by his lamp. And every time he was distracted from checking it because of Dean or the laundry or because he had to research something to help Jody or the girls and it was one in the morning already and he’d rather start afresh tomorrow, he said to himself time and again. It was a vicious cycle of postponing and the more time passed, the more upset Sam became when he realized that he had forgotten to check the book. Again. 

About three months later, Castiel arrived at the bunker after what he felt as the longest drive of his life, which was something to say. He had had to stop almost every hour to painfully cough out several roses, missing more time. When he finally parked the car in the garage. His breathing was uneven and he wavered by his car’s door for a moment while stepping out of it. Taking as deep a breath as he could, he stumbled towards his room.

The incessant coughing attack that had begun twenty four hours ago was not receding and he knew that as an angel he was supposed to be able to fight it but for some reason his grace didn’t seem to be enough. With every fit he felt more weakened and he had come to the point where he had to make a true effort in order to be able to reach his room at all.

Castiel was afraid.

Feeling droplets of sweat on his forehead, he wondered for the first time if he had just been diving deep in denial by overlooking all the signs of an increasingly severe disease. 

He went to his room, searched for the book. Panicked just a second when he didn’t see it where he had left it and then sighed in relief when he saw it on the desk. He took it, opened it up and, finding the page he was looking for, he began to read once more.

When Sam and Dean arrived at the bunker a couple hours later they saw Castiel’s car parked halfway. Dean cursed on the low.

“Aw come on man! It’s not that hard to park that stupid thing well!”

Sam sighed, “It’s alright, I’ll move it.”

Sam stepped out of the car while blocking his brother’s rant about Castiel’s lack of skills on the wheels. He approached the car towards the driver’s door when he realized the door was still halfway open. Worried, he walked a bit faster and opened it up, finding at least a hundred roses scattered over the front of the car. He was taken aback by the smell, almost too overwhelming. And he realized that, even then, this amount of roses couldn’t make it up. Making a quick glance around the inside of the car while his mind worked, he reached the trunk lever and pulled it until he heard the sure click of the mechanism bolting open.

He ran to the back of the car and opened it up only to reveal a trunk brimming to the top with blooms. Despite the beauty of the discovery, Sam’s face went livid. This was not normal at all. He suddenly felt his brother standing by his side. He looked at Sam’s discovery worried

“Dude, what the hell?”

The brothers turned at each other, sharing with a glance the same question. Sam felt something twist in his gut and he turned around. His mind flashing in an instant to three flowers lingering on a beer bottle and linking them to Castiel's constant coughing in a way he still was unable to understand.

“Cas? Cas!?”

He ran as fast as he could with his brother in tow. The closer they went to Castiel’s room, the clearer they heard Castiel’s troubled coughing. Sam entered the place and finally saw Castiel, bent over the floor, surrounded by a scattered mound of blooms. Sweating, trembling and coughing out one flower after the other. Immediately Sam kneeled by his side and held his shoulders. He inwardly panicked when he saw his friend’s features all beaten up. Dark shadows under the eyes, skin falling on his frame like an uneven rag. 

“Cas? Cas answer me! What is going on!? CAS!”

Castiel panted, “Sam...” he felt so weak he was not even able to lift his head. “I’m—” a flower dropped out of his mouth after a cough. “I’m sorry. You…” Castiel drew as much air as he could. “You shouldn’t have had to see this.”

Sam clearly felt his pulse going faster and his fingers feeling colder and his breath going shallower in what was clearly the beginning of a panic attack.

“What are you talking about!? Cas? Cas please stay with me!”

Sam sensed his brother picking up the book that was haphazardly lying next to the angel and looking through the pages in a frenzy. He was about to ask him something when he felt Castiel waver under his grasp and turned back to hold him before going back to his brother. He saw Dean standing, white knuckles around the edge of the book, frantic eyes fast reading through the pages, searching in an expert way for whatever it was he was supposed to find. He saw those eyes finally stop and slow their pace. He saw a flash of understanding go through the everlasting green and then he saw him turn to look at him.

“What? What is it? What’s the cure? What do we do!? DEAN?”

Sam saw Dean’s expression waver, lips tremble. He saw him open his mouth just a little and them shutting it up, then guilt. Dean turned his back to Sam and Castiel and Sam saw his shoulders hunch with defeat.

“I’m sorry, Sam. I can't do anything.” Was all Dean could rasp out of his suddenly closed throat.

Sam felt the cold of his hands seeping upwards and blanketing him in a cruel embrace and the entirety of the room going dimmer. He turned towards Castiel, who suddenly choked a soft snort.

“Sam...” Castiel’s voice was barely audible. Rasp and desperate.

Sam turned towards him.

“I’m sorry...” 

Sam saw how painful it was for him to articulate.

“If I...” He coughed another set of beautiful blooms. “If I had been braver…”

Sam snorted, this was not happening. This was just a nightmare and he was going to wake up any moment now.

“What are you talking about? You’re, you’re the best Cas! You’ve been with us for years now and...”

Sam felt Castiel’s hand over his, weak and uncertain. So unlike his always reassuring touch.

“Sam…” Castiel made an effort to look at the hunter in the eyes. He took in some more air just so that he could say his last words without a stop. “I… I’m glad I have been able to be by your side all this time.”

Sam saw Castiel give him the softest smile and he realized that he was really dying and that this was final. Forever. 

Sam blamed himself, he blamed the fact that he had not looked for Castiel well enough. That he hadn't kept his friend as the priority he was supposed to be. That he had taken him for granted. Because he knew that maybe, just maybe, if he had taken a look into that book earlier on, if he had actually investigated what was wrong with his friend, then Castiel would never have had to be at the verge of death.

Suddenly Castiel began another fit and coughed out several flowers, he felt weaker with every rose that came out of his mouth. It was as if each and every single one of these roses tore apart not only his insides but ripped his grace as well, leaving but lingering shreds drifting away into nothingness. And for just a moment, Castiel thought it would be better if everything just finally came to an end. Sam sensed this as well when Castiel finally allowed his body to go lump and panicked, he held Castiel with a stronger grip.

“Cas, Cas! Come on, you’re an angel! You can fight this! You can’t… You can’t leave me like this right now!”

Castiel finally was allowed a breath after a dozen flowers came out of his mouth. A string of blood falling from his mouth and a trail of sweat on his forehead. He looked at Sam beaten, sad, heartbroken and mouthed out a single word. He was so out of breath that he was unable to get out the sound but still Sam understood.

“Why?”

“Why? Why!?” Sam laughed although there was nothing to laugh about, he looked around trying to find out a way to express himself. “Because… Because...” 

He closed his mouth and bit his lip. He didn’t understand why either. Or rather, he didn’t want to understand why. Because realizing how much he had depended on the angel; thinking of all the good times, all the bad times and all the future times that would come and go without him he realized that the only reason he was holding him right now, desperate to selfishly keep him by his side was a very simple one. He felt tears starting to escape his eyes and his body tremble.

Sam heard his brother’s rushed voice behind him.

“Dammit Sam tell him! There’s no time!”

Sam shook his head, trying to get himself together and grasped Castiel harder in order to face him.

“Because I love you Cas. I… I love you.”

Sam saw Castiel let go a desperate sigh while a tear came out of his eye and, closing them, he fell over Sam’s shoulder and slumped.

Everything went still, Castiel’s rough breathing had evened out into nothingness and Sam felt panic slowly rising inside, like a wave that looks far in the distance but will surely drown everything once it arrives. He felt time stopping, the shuffle of his brother’s footsteps getting close to him, muffled by the sudden denseness of the air around him. When Sam felt like he was not going to be able to move anymore and then Castiel bent over himself with a start.

If Sam had not been shocked by the way Castiel had been throwing up flowers before, he was now by the violent spasms he was having this time. The way he was behaving it felt like he was about to throw up. He screamed Castiel’s name and thanked that his brother had finally kneeled down by his side to help him get a hold of the angel. Castiel, perched by both brothers and holding onto them desperately arched several times until a final deep crimson rose fell off his mouth along an intricate set of roots.

Finally, Castiel let go of his hold on them and fell completely on top of Sam. This time, however, Sam realized that his breathing was stable. He placed his hand on his forehead and noticed that despite having all the sweat over him, he seemed to be better now. 

“Cas?”

The angel didn’t answer. He was profoundly asleep.

The next time Castiel opened up his eyes, Sam was sitting on a chair nearby, reading a book. The moment he shuffled, he caught his attention. Quickly, Sam left his book aside and helped him sit up.

“How are you doing?”

Sam gave him a glass of water that the angel took.

“I feel better… Still weakened but much better.”

“Good. That’s, uhm… That’s good.” 

Sam sat by Castiel’s side and they looked at each other for a second before turning away in awkwardness. 

“So...” Sam coughed. “About your disease.”

“I’m sorry Sam I…” Castiel sighed deeply “I thought I was going to be able to overcome it. Since I’m an angel after all.”

“According to the book, the hanahaki disease feeds on the patient’s life force so, with the experience we’ve had, the fact that you’re an angel doesn’t really matter.”

“I really felt like I was going to die.”

“I really felt that too.”

Both laughed nervously. Eventually Castiel took in a breath. 

“Sam I—”

“Why didn't you tell me before?” Sam interrupted “Why didn’t you try to tell me you loved me?”

Castiel’s eyes turned sad. He looked downwards and focused on his hands.

“I was afraid.”

Sam stood still, waiting patiently for Castiel to speak out his mind.

“I fought it back with all I had but I still couldn’t do anything about it and yet, thinking that there was a possibility to have your rejection I...” Castiel clenched his hand over the sheets. “It would have been a hundred times worse.” He took some more air. “Besides, I would have never forgiven myself if I made you feel guilty about it later.”

Sam sighed deeply. The atmosphere was heavy with something he did not understand but was related to the experience of near death and confessions. He took Castiel’s hand.

“I’m glad I got to you before anything worse happened.”

“...Me too.”

“And, Cas?”

Castiel turned his head towards Sam to look at him, ready for his question but he was met with the hunter’s lips softly landing on his. When he went back, he saw Castiel looking as flustered as himself.

“I really do love you.”