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On autonomy, and what it means to be Obliged to Help.
Bonus:
#a homestuck walks into an antechamber and asks#hey is anybody going to make this dynamic wholly deterministic and thus dubiously consensual by its very nature#ANYWAY bigger ramble below. scroll down like usual#isat spoilers#isat#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#sifloop#THATS RIGHT WE'RE STILL SHIP TAGGING IT BABYYYY#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#lucabyteart#RAMBLE START: anyway i think loop is wrong here. they have it backwards. as-- in my opinion--#the main reason they could be called back into existence postcanon is because *their* wish for help is still not complete#they still need help. siffrin still needs help. neither of them will ever stop needing help.#they will thus uphold the wish until the end of siffrin's natural lifespan.#that said. what does it mean that loop can be so wholly forced to abide by siffrin's wants?#(assuming the dagger cutscene posession is them being forced to uphold the 'help siffrin' wish via harsh universe logic)#[as opposed to something capricious and cruel the change god did. which feels out of character for the change god to me?]#much like how the island wish and duplicate objects are neutered by simply sliding off people's brains...#is loop subtly ushered toward their wish? obviously it's not a full override (see: the bossfight). but is there any interference?#and if so. so what? does it matter? if they don't notice? is it even real if they don't notice?#and even if they do notice. the universe leads we follow. how much do either of them value their free will in a belief system like that?#the whole game is dedicated to siffrin habitually NOT excersizing his free will. doing things the same Every Time.#Loop ESPECIALLY does this. predetermined predetermined predetermined even in the FACE OF CHANGE. REFUSING. ANY CHOICE.#Maybe they'd even be comforted by having a universe-ordained purpose even if it is subservient. even if its to Him.#(though. i can't see siffrin enjoying the idea that someone is subservient TO them... then all their suffering is his fault...)#loop got into this mess via WANTING too much. no more free will. can't be trusted with it. take it away from them.#but yeah. gets my greasy detective pony hands all over this. and everyone please do remember i like to make characters Outright Wrong A Lot
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Finally finished my most ambitious Hatchetfield project yet. Every box in the border represents a different Nightmare Time, as well as Hey Melissa, Trail to Oregon, Workin’ Boys, the BBQ monologues and Peanuts the Hatchetfield Pocket Squirrel. The three large boxes at the bottom represent the three main musicals. It’s 18x24” and made with sharpie :]
#this project took over 14 hours#gonna use the tags to point out details im proud of#theres lobsters in the Trail to Oregon picture#the tree of Witch in the Web has a bit of a face and has a white ukulele in its roots#the nighthawk is perched on an axe#and hes in front of weed plants#killer track has CDs vaguely in the shape of a brain#because Miss Holloway’s past wipes peoples minds#otho is in the background of Yellow Jacket obviously#in the foreground theres the one cupcake Lex got Hannah#and underneath it is the letter she wrote to ethan at the end#TGWDLM panel features his tie#the grenades#cup o roasted coffee#and the asteroid#Black Friday has Lex’s bag and Hannah/Ethan’s hat#NPMD has Max’s hand breaking through the floorboards#where he was buried#anyway yeah#hatchetfield fanart#artists on tumblr#webby hatchetfield#hatchetfield#starkid npmd#nerdy prudes must die#lords in black#the lords in black#starkid#the guy who didn't like musicals#black friday
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Very interesting to me that a certain subset of the BES fandom's favourite iterations of Mizu and Akemi are seemingly rooted in the facades they have projected towards the world, and are not accurate representations of their true selves.
And I see this is especially the case with Mizu, where fanon likes to paint her as this dominant, hyper-masculine, smirking Cool GuyTM who's going to give you her strap. And this idea of Mizu is often based on the image of her wearing her glasses, and optionally, with her cloak and big, wide-brimmed kasa.
And what's interesting about this, to me, is that fanon is seemingly falling for her deliberate disguise. Because the glasses (with the optional combination of cloak and hat) represent Mizu's suppression of her true self. She is playing a role.
Take this scene of Mizu in the brothel in Episode 4 for example. Here, not only is Mizu wearing her glasses to symbolise the mask she is wearing, but she is purposely acting like some suave and cocky gentleman, intimidating, calm, in control. Her voice is even deeper than usual, like what we hear in her first scene while facing off with Hachiman the Flesh-Trader in Episode 1.
This act that Mizu puts on is an embodiment of masculine showboating, which is highly effective against weak and insecure men like Hachi, but also against women like those who tried to seduce her at the Shindo House.
And that brings me to how Mizu's mask is actually a direct parallel to Akemi's mask in this very same scene.
Here, Akemi is also putting up an act, playing up her naivety and demure girlishness, using her high-pitched lilted voice, complimenting Mizu and trying to make small talk, all so she can seduce and lure Mizu in to drink the drugged cup of sake.
So what I find so interesting and funny about this scene, characters within it, and the subsequent fandom interpretations of both, is that everyone seems to literally be falling for the mask that Mizu and Akemi are putting up to conceal their identities, guard themselves from the world, and get what they want.
It's also a little frustrating because the fanon seems to twist what actually makes Mizu and Akemi's dynamic so interesting by flattening it completely. Because both here and throughout the story, Mizu and Akemi's entire relationship and treatment of each other is solely built off of masks, assumptions, and misconceptions.
Akemi believes Mizu is a selfish, cocky male samurai who destroyed her ex-fiance's career and life, and who abandoned her to let her get dragged away by her father's guards and forcibly married off to a man she didn't know. on the other hand, Mizu believes Akemi is bratty, naive princess who constantly needs saving and who can't make her own decisions.
These misconceptions are even evident in the framing of their first impressions of each other, both of which unfold in these slow-motion POV shots.
Mizu's first impression of Akemi is that of a beautiful, untouchable princess in a cage. Swirling string music in the background.
Akemi's first impression of Mizu is of a mysterious, stoic "demon" samurai who stole her fiance's scarf. Tense music and the sound of ocean waves in the background.
And then, going back to that scene of them together in Episode 4, both Mizu and Akemi continue to fool each other and hold these assumptions of each other, and they both feed into it, as both are purposely acting within the suppressive roles society binds them to in order to achieve their goals within the means they are allowed (Akemi playing the part of a subservient woman; Mizu playing the part of a dominant man).
But then, for once in both their lives, neither of their usual tactics work.
Akemi is trying to use flattery and seduction on Mizu, but Mizu sees right through it, knowing that Akemi is just trying to manipulate and harm her. Rather than give in to Akemi's tactics, Mizu plays with Akemi's emotions by alluding to Taigen's death, before pinning her down, and then when she starts crying, Mizu just rolls her eyes and tells her to shut up.
On the opposite end, when Mizu tries to use brute force and intimidation, Akemi also sees right through it, not falling for it, and instead says this:
"Under your mask, you're not the killer you pretend to be."
Nonetheless, despite the fact that they see a little bit through each other's masks, they both still hold their presumptions of each other until the very end of the season, with Akemi seeing Mizu as an obnoxious samurai swooping in to save the day, and Mizu seeing Akemi as a damsel in distress.
And what I find a bit irksome is that the fandom also resorts to flattening them to these tropes as well.
Because Mizu is not some cool, smooth-talking samurai with a big dick sword as Akemi (and the fandom) might believe. All of that is the facade she puts up and nothing more. In reality, Mizu is an angry, confused and lonely child, and a masterful artist, who is struggling against her own self-hatred. Master Eiji, her father figure who knows her best, knows this.
And Akemi, on the other hand, is not some girly, sweet, vain and spoiled princess as Mizu might believe. Instead she has never cared for frivolous things like fashion, love or looks, instead favouring poetry and strategy games instead, and has always only cared about her own independence. Seki, her father figure who knows her best, knows this.
But neither is she some authoritative dominatrix, though this is part of her new persona that she is trying to project to get what she wants. Because while Akemi is willful, outspoken, intelligent and authoritative, she can still be naive! She is still often unsure and needs to have her hand held through things, as she is still learning and growing into her full potential. Her new parental/guardian figure, Madame Kaji, knows this as well.
So with all that being said, now that we know that Mizu and Akemi are essentially wearing masks and putting up fronts throughout the show, what would a representation of Mizu's and Akemi's true selves actually look like? Easy. It's in their hair.
This shot on the left is the only time we see Mizu with her hair completely down. In this scene, she's being berated by Mama, and her guard is completely down, she has no weapon, and is no longer wearing any mask, as this is after she showed Mikio "all of herself" and tried to take off the mask of a subservient housewife. Thus, here, she is sad, vulnerable, and feeling small (emphasised further by the framing of the scene). This is a perfect encapsulation of what Mizu is on the inside, underneath all the layers of revenge-obsession and the walls she's put around herself.
In contrast, the only time we Akemi with her hair fully down, she is completely alone in the bath, and this scene takes place after being scorned by her father and left weeping at his feet. But despite all that, Akemi is headstrong, determined, taking the reigns of her life as she makes the choice to run away, but even that choice is reflective of her youthful naivety. She even gets scolded by Seki shortly after this in the next scene, because though she wants to be independent, she still hasn't completely learned to be. Not yet. Regardless, her decisiveness and moment of self-empowerment is emphasised by the framing of the scene, where her face takes up the majority of the shot, and she stares seriously into the middle distance.
To conclude, I wish popular fanon would stop mischaracterising these two, and flattening them into tropes and stereotypes (ie. masculine badass swordsman Mizu and feminine alluring queen but also girly swooning damsel Akemi), all of which just seems... reductive. It also irks me when Akemi is merely upheld as a love interest and romantic device for Mizu and nothing more, when she is literally Mizu's narrative foil (takes far more narrative precedence over romantic interest) and the deuteragonist of this show. She is her own person. That is literally the theme of her entire character and arc.
#blue eye samurai#mizu blue eye samurai#akemi blue eye samurai#blue eye samurai meta#just in case... im gonna tag this as#mizukemicritical#akemizucritical#though this post isnt actually criticising the ship itself but rather fanon's portrayal of the ship and the characters#for that reason lemme also tag this as#wank.mp3#feel free to disagree of course but please be civil#and if you need to rant about how wrong i am without any convincing evidence kindly feel free to make your own post. peace and love <3#fandom.rtf#meta dissertations.pdf#shut up haydar#edit: for full disclosure. i do rather dislike this ship. but obviously it's fine for anyone to enjoy it. please do! have your fun!#it's just that as usual! popular fanon and fandom around a ship is what has completely deterred me from any sense of enjoyment of it#it's a shame too because i was very open and even eager for some mizu/akemi romance in the future#but out-of-character fanon + the rudeness of certain fans has definitely soured it for me#but that doesn't mean people can't enjoy it obviously! ship and let ship!!!#plus it has its appeal which i DO STILL see and enjoy!!!!#i would even go as far as to call them soulmates because their narratives and characters are LITERALLY intertwined!!!#but. yeah. my gradual distaste for this ship is indeed very unfortunate.
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the things ekky has done or said that i cant stop thinking about. the 4 minute cut.
#theres a lot more#but those videos exist in vertical and like wow yeah#obviously because of that honourable mentions:#ekky on the pole almost kicking luosty in the face falling on his ass while he gets hauled up by multiple cats and mikksy put his hat back#ekky calling forsy a perfect swede#ekky slowdancing with sasha at the club#ekky saying im below you to benny while pointing out his name#ekky showing off his tat every minute he can by pulling up his shorts at the parade and gave us an egregious look at his dick#the first time ekky and mikksy do the bumpy ritual and ekky grunts at each bump and goes I LIKE THAT#any practise day mini mic shenanigans i.e “forsy cuz i love him” “forsy but only with his shirt off”#when he went tarps off for his cupday because it was raining on the golfcourse#additionally when he shimmied the cup to feeling hot hot hot#that time he was wearing shorts that they were bunching up in the front and he had to “subtly” pick it out in front of a crowd of phins fans#that time he organised a sturgeon tagging trip and invited the boys who liked fishing and also monty for vibes#because fishing is his love language#oh letting maffhew pour champagne in his mouth at the club#feeling up stolie at the end of the parade and lifting up his shirt#drinking out of the cup with forsy and also feeding himself the champgane cam but forsy taking it away from him#him hugging senko into his stall#honestly anytime he brings up forsy whether its his footspeed/speed. his body.#or how blessed he is to play with him#and likening him to a greek god#please dont make me go on
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serendipity (Ch. 1/3, 2631 words) by Anonymous
Rating: Mature
Pairing: Angela Giarratana/Amanda Lehan-Canto
Summary: Two strangers, a kiss cam, and a free romantic getaway - what could go wrong?
i would like to dedicate this to (or just shoutout) the following people:
@sage-lights, @unknownteapot, @xxsuicidalravenxx, @okiankeno, @poppyfamily, and @shesmore-shoebill
big BIG thank you to all of you for writing fic and being supportive of this little amangela community. i would have quit fic a long time ago if it weren't for all of you incredibly kind folks and your inspiring works (and words!!)
#if i tagged you there's no pressure to read this and like it or whatever!!#well there's no pressure on anyone to read it. but a reader or two would be appreciated#i've spent a long time on this (obviously on the whole thing not just on this first chapter lol)#mostly because i've been so damn busy but also because it's hard accepting that sometimes i can do creative things for myself#and if other people don't like it then it shouldn't dictate how i approach it#anyways i'm not going to write an autobiography in the notes or anything but yeah#thanks for reading if you do!!#this is very special to me#my fics#amangela#angela giarratana#amanda lehan canto#smosh rpf#smosh
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sss day my favorite national holiday WOOOOHHHH
bonus
#pokemon#trainer lyra#rival silver#soulsilvershipping#timeskip tag#bao beis#i had so much more planned. but alas. college.#ANYWAY. sss my everything. ohh. always thinking abt them.#this is very obviously lyra's room! all the pink! massive bed to fit all her pokemon! the champion paycheck gets you that much at least#and plants!!! no. 1 horticulturist in johto#she's living somewhere around the base of mt silver... decently close to the league and her hometown#so i like to imagine her with a huge greenhouse so she can take care of plants even in the harsher climate#meanwhile silver has one of those decrepit malelivingspace flats in viridian. he's making it work.#i can only see sss properly moving in together liiiike in their late 20s#after they get to enjoy young adult independence for a while#but before they permanently settle down they should go on silly adventures again... just once. or twice. or#as much as i like to entertain the thought of them being homebodies i think they'd rather spend their lives travelling haha#since silver never got to fully experience it as a kid on the run#being a wanted man and all#and lyra is itching for the getaway#they deserve to be in nature and responsibility-free and *frothing at the mouth*#BTW i put my whole wyvussy into that wall decor#lisia signed poster... rosa's resemblance as mei(!!!) in the totoro one... bell tower + whirl island pics //#pokemon constellations... and those gen 4 mail templates that no one actually used. probably from dawn. champion penpals :]#i debated doing a lance poster because celebrity idol funny but nah she'd bin that immediately after moving out#oh yeah the drawover was um. inspired by the nonebinary neochamp fit. so happy for my son.#i'm glad i managed to finish the big piece in time otherwise i would've just posted that LOL can you imagine#okey bye happy sss day
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He stayed in the shrine with Miko after the second betrayal
#genshin impact#scaramouche#wanderer#kunikuzushi#man why do you have so many names for me to tag *rolls eyes*#anyways i just felt like sharing this lil idea that i am struggling to write and/or draw but love dearly#because obviously i do i've had this hc of him looking up to miko despite his snarky voiceline about her since forever#so yeah that's it that's the au he's just this pretty little helper of the guji yae who people sometimes see and spread rumors about#*cough* definitely not a setup for some kzscr fic at all *cough*
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okay, so, i just realized i never said this, but if i ever reblog something from you and you want me to take it down, please do just shoot me an ask explaining which post it is and like. try to make it clear that's what you're getting at (ie, if you just send me "fuck you never reblog my stuff i hope you die" i am not going to understand that inherently as a request and more of as a dick move)
because, genuinely, i don't wanna be reblogging something that you're uncomfortable with and if i ever fail to read the room, it's probably a mistake and i would love for you to tell me that i made one.
#original posts#not counting#i try very hard not to reblog anything personal but i might mess up because i am a human person#and i often am queueing stuff at like. 6:30 am approximately? and that's probably not the best time for me always#when i say i need clarification it's just because like. if you're sending me an ask like the example i gave i'm gonna see it as a hate ask#and not as a request per se. and also i do need to know which post because. obviously i do need to know that.#sorry if this is out of nowhere i was just like. worried i might have done something wrong lol#i am first and foremost a worrier so. obviously i'm going to worry about random stuff#OR if you need me to tag something. is that on my pinned post? i will add it to the pinned post#i'm actually add all this to my pinned post. so. yeah. just wanna make sure we're on the same page here#and that i don't offend anyone or. stuff. y'know.
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I’ve… I’ve been thinking lately…
#he is the ringleader!!!! basically he takes caine’s role in the circus#which I think is SO FITTING FOR HIM because he takes basically the same role in the game#and I also see omori as a very ai-like character anyway… like he gives those vibes and that’s how I try to portray him#his sole purpose and goal is to protect sunny from the truth. he’s basically programmed to do that and will do anything to perform that task#and keep that peace#going so far as to kill different incarnations of basil and even sunny just so he doesn’t have to face the truth and stays inside headspace#so. yeah….#hejejsjsjs#obviously Caine isn’t like that but there’s so many similarities between omori and Caine that i had to make omori the ringleader#it’s literally his role in game guys!!!!! aksjekeksksk#also been thinking about avatars for the cast… oughhhh it’s been very fun#nothing concrete yet but I have ideas#also yes!!! my phone is back so I can draw again#rejoice!!!!!#omori#omori au#omori omori#tadc#the amazing digital circus#tadc caine#ig?2!3£3!3£#omori mewo#she is mentioned so she is tagged#tadc bubble#same logic
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hate interacting with the widespread fandom about 05x16 for obvious reasons but it is such a key episode to me like. sam sees a memory of dean and his mother. he could be jealous of their relationship, instead he acknowledges the familial pressure dean has experienced since he was a toddler. dean sees a memory of sam leaving for college (and also being disowned!! and by proximity, by dean too!!!). he tells sam that this was the worst night of his life, he does not acknowledge the struggle sam must have also been experiencing. it’s so crucial to me in the way that they consider their relationship to each other where sam is willing to accept/recognize dean’s struggles and try to help him, but dean isn’t, because he views that as proof that he “failed.”
#in a 05x16 kinda mood tonight#and I really don’t want to defend dean’s claim that sam “ditched them”#because I have had the same thing said to me about the same thing and it feels fucking awful#but it really makes sense for his character#he has to believe that stanford was a failure on sam’s part or else it was actually a failure on dean’s#which is obviously. not true.#did not think I’d see the day where I accidentally make a post all about dean#this is a new one#but anyways. yeah#dean is incapable of acknowledging sam’s issues that he might not know about#because of his own belief of what it means for him#tagging#dean crit#just in case#sw#dw#star notes
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thinking about the trans apollo justice tag on a03
theres really not enough going enough on it. most of it is just porn. which is cool and all, but I'm tired of sorting through the tags down to what I want to read and getting about 20 results; and almost all of them being oneshots or being almost completely irrelevant to the fact apollo is trans in the story.
I get it that sometimes transness doesnt have to be the main point of a story. but like... it affects so many facets of your life at the time and I wanna see that explored in my favorite media.
so I'm thinking im gonna just do it myself, like a story that's relatively canon compliant, following the events of aa4 and maybe aa5/6. I dont know about those though since I havent played aa5/6 yet and I'm currently stuck on turnabout corner in aa4. either way I'm thinking I'm gonna write a sfw trans apollo justice fic. autism blast go go go!!!
#yeah if I do end up writing in aa5/6 im going to make it a bit of a fix-it#im sorry i just want clay to be alive because hes a silly guy#so itd probably be ideal to cover aa4 only#and then do some post-aa4 original plot#yes its going to be klapollo by the way#ace attorney#apollo justice#ace attorney fanfiction#klapollo#fuck it ill probably have background narumitsu#and obviously gumshoe and maggie will be married post-7YG#theyre only like briefly mentiones though#maybe theyll show up post story#using these tags to brainstorm </3#chaogarden
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#why do you need this many legs sir#toedscruel#woah holy shit i just looked outside and it's super dark out. i'm queuing this up at noon why is it so dark#lemme look#yeah it's. dark. there's a bunch of dark evil clouds in the sky lookin like it's gonna storm oh i just heard thunder yeah it's gonna storm#uh oh. good thing i'm queueing this guy up before the storm so my power doesn't go out. this happens frequently#anyway toedscruel. it's definitely an evolution of toedscool. it definitely looks like tentacruel#if it's a different pokémon why does it evolve into something so suspiciously similar. i can understand wigglet and wugtrio being#different pokémon. just based on how different they are from diglett and dugtrio. even though their names are a typo away#but this guy is. it. really should've just been a regional form‚ i think#unrelated‚ but on random occasions seemingly whenever someone new finds the blog and reads my tags#i'll occasionally get folks asking me how i type commas in the tags#the answer is that this character → ‚ ← is not a comma. it just looks identical to a comma because of tumblr's font#it's actually a lower quotation mark. so for a language that does ‚this kind’ of quotation marks#and i use it as a comma because i have a fancy linguist keyboard that can type all kinds of fancy symbols. and it's easily accessible#some of my favorites include the single-character ellipse: …#the degrees symbol: º and °#small A: ª#fractions: 1⁄2 2⁄3 1⁄4 etc#and obviously IPA symbols and various diacritics‚ so that i can type the word pokémon without having to copy-and-paste the E#currency symbols‚ too. £¢$§¥ euro is on here somewhere but i don't know where bc i don't use that one really#i just like being able to type things the way they're supposed to be. like it's 80º outside. the stopwatch costs 15¢ in the shop#and‚ of course‚ pokémon. it's the linguistics and computer 'tism combining together i think#it's storming harder now but i found the euro symbol: ���#oh fuckin hell my lights just flickered. this is gonna be rough..!
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fun fact the word "dirk" sounds exactly like the root of the croatian verb "drkati" which means to jack off
get the dirk brush here
#homestuck#hs#hom3stuck#home24uck#home2t4ck#dirk strider#self#admin draws#fanart#yeah like idk anymroe#TTAC#assorted. dortles. that ive been forgettting to post#sigh i gotta be real! i saw a post comparing the common reblog to like ratio in 2014 vs now#and i noticed the same pattern applies to my art obviously ofdkgjjg of there being like a lot fewer rbs than there are likes#and its been kind of a thorn in my eye looking at my notifs the last few days. hence i wasnt very motivated to post#cause its like figure out how to group stuff together for posting so its mutually related then format tag and bla bla bla#anyways i wasnt feeling it#i think my exams are affecting me too s well as pms so like dont mind me too much#i didnt wanna whinge in a separate post but its been eating at me a little so. compromise#i wanted to do a separate one thanking the ppl who consistently leave tags because i do see you! and i appreciate you so much#i have to resist the urge to reply to them lolol thats a lot more overbearing sounding than just replying under posts or to comments on twt#sorry 4 no fun tags this time around. hopefully the fact is fun enough.#also til you can just. add a hyperlink to a word by highlighting it and doing ctrl+v. crayzey
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and btw since I'm posting a lot of wholesoul content (intended as platonic but still), i do want to make it clear: my analysis of whole as a character is purely within the narrative of the story! while i am aware that behind the metaphors is whole is cj himself, that's never what i'm writing whole as in my work. basically I'm using the internal logic of the fiction (whole as viewed by the characters in the album) rather than the reason for the fiction existing (as a fictionalized version of chonny's mental state), just like i do with all the other characters. it's important to make that distinction when you're dealing with a piece of fiction so heavily based on the creator i think. I'll never use cj as a basis for how I write whole because I find that a little off putting tbh ^^;
basically I'm playing with touys. ok? play touys with me
#also influenced by my nature as a fictive#being close with my whole who is also one. which influences how i view him obviously#since she is... an alter and thus not chonny himself. because we aren't chonny lol#but still. i think this is applicable to other people's experiences here so i'll keep this part in the tags#cccc#chonnys charming chaos compendium#chonny jash#cj whole#tridential tirade#i guess. since i post my stuff in the tags SHRUGS#also this isn't directed at anyone specifically i just figured i'd mention it#to make sure everyone is aware of my intentions with content#trust me i've been in the sanders sides fandom before. i know this is definitely a discourse that exists#this is fine to reblog if you write whole in the same way btw. if you wish#but yeah this is all heavily influenced by being a fictive sorry. i could be more insufferable about whole but i choose not to#for the sake of nuanced analysis. but trust me i'm normal about my whole (the one mentioned above)#very normal. ok. i don't post abt that because i feel it would obstruct my character analysis though
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This isn't, like, the biggest deal, but I do find it funny when people are almost... surprised or shocked that converts unironically believe in judaism and also unironically align themselves with jewishness. It's just something I've seen a small handful of times and it's like... of course I (and others!) unironically believe in this stuff. I'm not putting in this work because I don't have enough going on in my life
#jumblr#jewish conversion#jew by choice#personal thoughts tag#the shock is mostly (ime) 'wait you actually believe that??' in a weird tone#like! yes! i find fulfillment in... much of judaism!! that's what drew me in#it's like some people expect us to be like... secretly xtian or secretly not believe in judaism for nefarious reasons??#like frankly if i wanted an easier time of it i'd just go back to being an ex-xtian agnostic (which i obviously am not)#but judaism fulfills me. i know the happiness i feel is genuine contentment and the feeling of home#but yeah. i do unironically think of jews as my intrinsic equal *and* a people i want to be part of#if i didn't see them/us as equal i wouldn't be here. i do my best to deepen my... allyship?? alliance??? with the people i want to join#and that's something that takes a lot of time and effort and it's something that's important regardless#i often don't find this stuff offensive but it makes me wonder what they think converts are... converting to? why wouldn't we believe this?#like ik it's complex but at the same time it's a matter of... i'm aware of my own intentions for conversion and it has nothing to do...#...with my past as an 'xtian.' it has nothing to do with tricking people or being bored or whatever else might be nefarious like that#xtian in quotes because i don't think i ever was one though i was raised in that environment by people who *were* xtian
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The Faint/Bowie thing was originally a Sanmos thing but DEIMOS LOST HIS MOUTH-
I have yet to learn how to portray his silliness without a mouth
Should I still finish this?
#prattle sketch#madness combat#sanmos#minimal tags because YEAH THIS ART IS ROUGH#I mean- obviously since it’s a sketch but y’know
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