#(sorry for the rant i have strong feelings about this)

[hmhas-00]

Ch. 28

Hit Me Hard & Soft

A/N- Ahhh! Like & Rb if you’re dying to know what happens next.

Billie’s POV

I lie awake, tossing and turning, unable to shut my eyes without the events from yesterday replaying in my head on a loop. My brain directed what I should’ve said or done differently, beating myself up deservingly.

I looked to my left, seeing Ellie fast asleep by my side. Her hair was neatly swept over one shoulder and her even breaths were barely perceptible.

Suddenly, the room lit up from my phone screen displaying a notification.

On the screen, a text from Remy. I squinted my eyes, turning down the brightness and reading the message.

Remy: I’m outside. Can we talk? 2:02am

My pulse stopped as I locked my phone.

Fuck.

I quietly got out of bed, careful not to wake the sleeping beauty, and shut the bedroom door behind me on the way out.

I walked down the stairs hesitantly, afraid of another fight. Afraid I’d have to make her hate me even more.

I looked down at my sweats and oversized t-shirt, sighing before opening the front door for her.

I crack the door open a bit, peeking through. There she was. A cold, miserable Remy, in distress.

I opened the door more, shocked at the image before me.

Her eyes were bright red and swollen too. Her face flushed, and her expression drowning in agonizing sorrow. Her long hair a mess, pushed behind her ears loosely. Not one speck of makeup on that damningly perfect complexion of hers.

“Remy, what are you doing here?” I asked, my brows softly furrowed.

“I need to talk to you.” Her voice was hoarse, like she’d been shouting for hours.

“What is it?” I stood, wanting to bring her inside, but my feet stuck on the floor beneath me. I couldn’t.

“Please, can I come in?” Her eyes pleaded, hopelessly anguished.

I closed my eyes, sighing, pinching the bridge of my nose with one hand and holding onto the door with the other. I tried to be firm. “Right now is not a good time, Remy. Ellie’s asleep, and-“

“Please, Billie.” Her little voice broke, causing my heart to crumple up and fall out of place, into my rib cage.

I caved, pulling the door open, allowing her to duck under my arm and walk inside. She walked into the living room and I followed behind, hesitantly.

She sat on the edge of the couch, watching me stand several feet away. I didn’t want to get too close.

“What is this?” I said, my voice low, keeping in mind Ellie was in the room above us.

“Please, just hear me out.” She breathed out. I could see her collecting her thoughts and paving out where to start.

I blinked slowly, my heart beating as fast as Remy’s foot anxiously bounced on the hardwood floor.

“I came to tell you I’m sorry. That it’s all my fault.” Her voice was shaky, almost a whisper.

Hearing her speak felt like knives carving every one of her words into my chest.

“Remy, I don’t want your apologies. I wanted you to hear me and see me back then. How many more times was I supposed to let you fuck me over.” I tried to be as quiet as possible. It was a mistake letting her in.

“Billie—“

I rubbed my arm up and down, trying to self-soothe. “I tried to get you to understand, I tried to wait and see if you’d keep your word, but you just kept on putting everyone else first! You don’t get it. I literally felt like the last thing on your mind, all the time. I felt invisible one too many times, especially when all I did was put you first, Remy. That killed me. I just wanted better for you, and you told me I was just obsessed with you. You painted me out to be some controlling piece of shit. I just wanted to take care of you!” All of it came out in one huge rant.

“I feel awful.” She looked down at her hands fidgeting in front of her. “You didn’t deserve that.”

She looked ashamed. Her soft demeanor about to break any second now.

“No, I didn’t.” I tried to be strong. I can’t cave.

She paused, silence filling the air for a long time.

“Remy, you should go.” I said softly, signaling towards the door.

“Please.” She looked up at me, sincere in all ways.

I sighed, giving her a single nod.

“I fucked up, I thought I could do it all, but it ended up burning me out. I burned myself out, pleasing everyone else. Everyone, but the person that loves me the most.” Her voice trembled as she spoke, bringing tears to my own eyes.

“Remy. Please, just stop-“

“No. I set out a goal to give everyone else what they wanted, and left you out. I didn’t fucking do enough, Billie, I should’ve just stopped to see what I was doing to you.” A tear dripped down her cheek, bringing her hand up, frustratingly, to wipe it almost immediately.

I could tell she was trying not to show weakness in front of me now. It broke my heart she didn’t feel safe enough to freely express her pain anymore.

I walked closer to her, standing by the couch, still a few seats away from her. I wanted to tell her she wasn’t completely at fault. That I took part in destroying us.

“Remy, we can’t just keep-“ I prayed she’d drop it, that she’d stop trying, all out of fear that I’d cave.

“Please, let me talk.” She stopped me. I sighed, listening to her desperate attempts at fixing our mess.

“You shouldn’t be here. This isn’t good for us.” I rubbed my face, feeling like I’d gone pale.

“It’ll be different this time. You’ll never feel alone again.” She pleaded.

“Remy— That’s not—” She cut me off.

“I don’t know what to do anymore. I know what you need from me now, but back then I didn’t see it. I was being selfish. I was angry, I was so angry.”

I felt heard, I felt seen. I felt validated. I felt a head-rush and became afraid I’d fall if I didn’t hold onto the couch. A sudden storm of emotions made my stomach turn. I wanted to throw up. Word vomit.

“I need you to leave. Now.” I pointed at the door, holding my stomach with one hand. My anxiety was turning me into a mess.

“I won’t. I’m not leaving you, I won’t let you push me away again.” She said, firmly.

God I wanted this to be a dream. I wanted to wake up and be in bed, next to Ellie. The one who had not hurt me yet.

“It was you who took care of me, made sure I had everything I needed, even when I gave you shit for it. Even when I tried to act like I could handle it myself.”

My eyes began to water.

“I always knew I’d have you, if one day I woke up with nothing. And- And I lost you. I actually have nothing now. I wake up every single day with nothing, because I don’t have you.”

That’s exactly how I felt too.

She began to let her tears stream down, not having enough hands to wipe them away. It was like an inflatable pool with holes in it and not enough pieces of duct tape to patch them up.

“I’m sorry that it took so long for me to realize that.” She sobbed. “I’m sorry that it had to come this far for me to realize that you were the only one who actually cared. You were right. About everything.”

I thought about what every one of her words meant, careful not to let them get to my head. I wake up every day feeling like I have nothing, because I don’t have every aspect of her. Her mind, her soul, her body… Her. I wonder what her version of having nothing meant.

Her sobs grew uncontrollable and they only broke to gasp for air. I ran to her, sitting next to her, afraid to touch her, as if she might shatter into a million glass pieces.

“I— I’m sorry, Billie—“ She cried with deep, convulsive gasps for air in between each word.

Her rugged breathing scared me, I scrambled with my words, nothing would come out.

“I love y-you, s-so much— I ruined e-everything! Please, please don’t hate me.” She put her face down, into her knees, hugging them tight. Ashamed to break down in front of me.

What did her love for me mean? What did she mean by love. I wanted her to love me in the same way I loved her, but I knew better than that.

For years, I toggled back and forth between wondering if it’s worth being loved to her extent. Even when I knew I wanted more. But each and every time, I told myself that whatever amount of love I get from her, is worth every last tear I could ever produce.

My eyes betrayed me. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. Overwhelmed with emotion, I cried, audible ragged breaths leaving my mouth.

“Stop. No, no more. Come here.” I wrapped my arms around her shaking body, lifting her face, which was contorted in distress. I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like I was torturing her.

“I’m s-sorry, please forgive m-me. I’ll do anything to show you how much I love-“

I spoke over her, cutting her off, “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

Her gut wrenching cries muffled into my chest, vibrating my whole body. She shook in a panicked state, covering me in her tears.

I rocked her back and forth, my voice cracking with every word, my body and mind completely breaking down. “I love you, I’m right here.” I sniffed in, trying to keep snot in my nose.

I breathed in deep, taking in her scent. The same scent I spent nights dreaming about, only to wake up without. It felt like home.

“You’re everything I have. None of this matters if I don’t have you.” She whimpered hysterically.

“You have me. You have me. I’m sorry, Remy, this isn’t only your fault. I’m sorry-“

“No, I’m sorry, I’m the worst fucking-“

“No, you are not. You’re not.” I said firmly, squeezing her tight, emphasizing my words.

“So much has happened these last few months- and all I wanted to do was tell you.”

“I’m sorry,” I cried, “It just wasn’t the same anymore-“

“I know, I fucked everything up.” She tried her best to catch her breath but couldn’t.

“Listen to me. I need you to know something.” I pulled her on my lap, holding her tight. I brushed a hand through her hair, gently cradling her like a new born baby.

I took a deep breath before saying anything.

[imclou]

can't believe fnaf brought me out of art hibernation man what a turn of events

[zerohirrotries]

As someone who ships people more as friends and someone who is genuinely cool with Sonadow and Superbat...

Can I see their relationships more like platonically? I want the soft moments of them, but something between them. I want their relationship to almost always be a slow burn friendship.

I want Sonic to chill with Shadow after a tough battle, not kissing and being all over each other. Both of them collecting themselves, as they are tired from the battle. I want them to maybe hold hands for a few seconds, but then stop once one of them moves or speaks up about something (like the sunset or the flowers around them).

Let me see Clark being a reporter for a charity event and spotting Bruce Wayne. I want them to "bump" into each other and just do a interview that turns into a casual conversation. Maybe even add a silly Bruce with his fake persona on throwing a flirt by accident and getting a small blush from Clark.

Have Shadow need to carry Sonic as he cannot move. Shadow being uncomfortable at first holding Sonic in his arms, however as he speeds along he starts to like the feeling of Sonic holding onto him. Sonic would be shocked by Shadow holding him, but he would clutch tighter to the soft chest from Shadow. Sonic would know it would not last long and could not be talked about, so he melts with the touch he loves to give others as he is in the receiving end with one of his closest. They both would blush once Sonic tightens his grip, but it would last only for a second.

How about Bruce as Batman needing to block Clark from a kryptonite bomb coming for Superman. So Batman has to hug Superman to block the explosion from him, which Bruce almost never touches Clark. The moment is panic at first, but Superman will instead lean into the hug. Their faces would be close, but no one makes a move as they just stare at each others eyes. Superman would hug back as the smoke fills the air, It would make Bruce flinch with worry for Superman, but it would fade into love of the small touch they have before the debris cleared.

Let me see more casual romance/platonic ships. I like Sonadow and Superbat, just differently I guess. I am not a hardcore shipper for these two ships, but I do think they are both adorable if played out correctly.

[your-name-is-jim]

My personal Star Trek TOS pet peeve is that I absolutely refuse to believe that some guy on a planet who built the "perfect woman" to make her his perfect wife forever was Leonardo Da Vinci. He was fucking not. There is literally zero evidence in history that Leonardo was ever attracted to women. He never married, never had mistresses, he lived his life surrounded by men. He was accused of sodomy once. Not definitive proof that he was gay, perhaps, but that's a better hint than randomly assuming he liked women!

Also, are they implying that the "Alexander" among Mr. Flint's other identities was Alexander the Great? Because OMG, don't get me started. Listen, maybe Alexander was (also) attracted to women, but his marriages were political. There's zero proof that he ever wished to have a deep emotional connection with a woman. On the contrary, his lifelong bond was with a man. And LOL, don't even get me started on the differences between Flint's reaction when the supposed love of his life Rayna dies, and Alexander the Great's reaction when Hephaestion died… THEY ARE NOT THE SAME. Let's just say that it'd be like comparing Kirk's reaction to Rayna's death to Kirk's reaction to Spock's death in The Wrath of Khan and The Search for Spock (and actually, even Kirk seems to take Rayna's death worse than Flint LOL).

I know, I know, it was the '60s. But it still bothers me so much to see two queer historical figures linked to that Flint dude. He was not them. He was not!

Okay, end of the rant.

(On the other hand, I guess I can believe he was Lazarus lol)

[angeldaisies]

tlh side of the fandom is dead anyway but even if it wasn’t i still wouldn’t interact because i’ve come to realize that people just don’t like herondaisy and that’s so disheartening to me. even people who do like them usually go “yes but *insert character that is actually better*” and i know people can like whoever they want of course and i know it’s not a competition of which ship/character is better but also it’s very tiring to come online and see your personal faves being disliked at worst and tolerated at best by basically everyone with very few exceptions.

[lottienatsbian]

70!! :3

70: what’s something that’s gay culture that you hate? 

i hate how exclusionary it can be at times. i know this might sound silly coming from a white gay, but somebody needs to call it out. i see queer poc and trans people get shoved to the sidelines still, even in more “inclusive” spaces, and it breaks my heart. gay culture is so often co-opting aave or gay men talking about how much they hate vaginas and lesbians talking about how much they hate penis. a lot of the artists we idolize are white and cis, and sometimes aren’t even gay, just fun pop stars— which is fine, but i wish there was more room for other people too

not to mention the whole body type preference and dl culture on apps like grindr (which is more a gay man thing than a lesbian thing but has definitely bled into lesbian spaces) that normalize these really overly sexual and oftentimes toxic relationships. the parts of gay culture i love most are based on community, solidarity, and friendship/found family. the sexualization and fetishization of certain bodies or races, which ultimately leads to exclusion, is by far my least favorite

[elliemarchetti]

Gwynriel Weeks Day 5

I know today's prompt for @gwynrielweeksofficial was domestic life, and I kind of respected that, but I couldn't resist the opportunity to write this sort of fake dating AU

Prompt: Domestic Life

Words: 1064

Azriel opened his eyes slowly, annoyed by the pale sunlight coming through the decorative curtains. He had overslept, a unique occurrence, but the worst part was that he wasn't recognizing his surroundings. The room was too small, the bed definitely not his, and the light wooden door located in the wrong place, too close to the window, beyond which voices speaking an unknown language chattered softly. Instinct told him to sit up, to make sure there was no danger, and to chase away whoever was daring to peek into his privacy, but a familiar weight on his chest and left arm glued him to the mattress, its warmth comforting for both his body and his spirit.

“Good morning,” a female voice, still drenched in sleep, murmured, and Azriel remembered everything. The mission that could have resulted in a disaster, the cover story Gwyn had invented on the spot, the kind family that had found them on the borders, his injuries, and the priestess desperate plead for help. He heard her say they were a couple of diplomats returning from Vallahan, who had been tasked with managing delicate commercial relations but had been followed by criminals who had almost killed them.

"All for a stupid necklace," she had said, probably showing the pendant whose original recipient was in Prythian, in the arms of her red-haired mate. The lesser Fae believed her, and accompanied them to their village, where Azriel could wait for his right wing to recover.

“You were lucky,” their healer, a tall, lanky creature with long straw-blond hair, had told him. “If they had hit you closer to the shoulder I wouldn’t have known how to save your ability to fly.”

Azriel had shuddered at the thought, and Gwyn had immediately approached him, placing a delicate hand on his muscular arm. She had reassured him, and caressed his face, just like a worried lover. When she had left him alone to rest, she had returned with their hosts to the living room, which also served as the kitchen, and had helped them prepare dinner. They had given her a simple dress, a little worn but still her size, and an apron to avoid getting dirty, into the large pocket of which she had immediately begun to stuff fresh herbs from the small garden in the back. She had put her hair up in a soft braid, and had laughed and joked with the little ones at home, who had the same teal eyes as her and the dark skin of the Summer Court’s inhabitants.

“I would like to have wings like your boyfriend,” the youngest had told her. “So I could beat the other kids in running races.”

She hadn’t denied that their bond was romantic, she hadn’t shown the slightest sign of discomfort at the idea, and even though Azriel knew he didn’t deserve her, he kept spying on her from the crack of the door she had left open, and had listened to her tell to the youngling that even though she didn’t have wings, she was still the fastest among her friends.

Three nights had passed since that day, and although he was starting to get better and no longer felt strong pangs of pain when he tried to stretch his shoulders, he knew he couldn’t resume the mission. Gwyn had helped him with this too, to understand where to start again, how to contain the damage, but above all she had taken care of him like no one had ever done before. She helped him bathe, and get dressed, and she even fed him the first time he got up to eat, making him blush like a lovesick puppy. During the night she had asked him if she hadn’t gone too far, her voice little louder than a breath of wind, but he had reassured her by holding her close and giving her a long kiss on the forehead. The truth was that he liked that farce, he enjoyed the illusion of being able to have a normal life with her, a peaceful existence, where there were no wars, secret missions, enemies to face openly and allies whose loyalty had to be controlled with bargains and blackmail. If someone had told him he would have this kind of thoughts a few days earlier, he would’ve laughed in the face of anyone who dared picture him so weak, but now that he had experienced what it was like to have a normal life with the priestess, he couldn’t help but wish for a little house just for them in the middle of nothing, a place that hadn’t been given to him by Rhysand and that didn’t remind him of the past, maybe a cottage he'd built with his own hands, though he wasn’t sure they knew how to make something so pure. For her, he could’ve learned. With her, perhaps he could forget the horrors of his childhood, and ennoble those bastard origins without being someone’s torturer. He was grateful to Rhysand for everything he had done for him, for saving his life and offering him food and shelter and protection, but working for him inevitably took away the daily life he longed to share with a partner. He could already imagine her walking around the house barefoot, relaxed, the smell of stew in the air and a child or two jumping around asking when dinner would be ready. For centuries, Azriel had been adamant on the issue of offspring: he had a terrible father, and he wasn’t going to be the same for an innocent creature. But with Gwyn…

“Everything okay? Are you feeling sick?” she asked, propping up on one elbow to get a better view of his face, and Azriel wondered what kept him from digging his hand into the flaming cascade of hair that had escaped from the silk tie, forming a puddle of harmless fire on his naked chest, to kiss her senseless. Decency and fairness would’ve been the right answer, but it was fear and guilt, so he just shook his head and told her he was simply hungry.

“I’ll go get you something for breakfast,” she murmured, and as if nothing had happened, as if sleeping together and being so close had been the most natural thing in the world, she got up, heading towards a kitchen that wasn’t theirs but could’ve been.

[emry-stars-art]

Next person to apologize for adding to my posts/ranting in the tags gets left in the stocks ‼️ stg! Tag rants and additions and asks are the only things that have been motivating me to keep creating like this!! Please never stop yourself if you have thoughts!!!

[blushy-tigerrr]

vent in tags sorry

cw: mention of loss

[urgayoldercousinmags]

okay we were talking about this in one of my classes today so i wanted to kinda share my opinions somewhere

assisted suicide vs the death penalty

so basically, in class, we were talking about why some people oppose the death penalty but are advocates for assisted suicide.

personally, i am vehemently against the death penalty. i don't think that it is the responsibility or right of any person or peoples to decide whether or not an individual is allowed to live. murdering a person for murdering others simply doesnt make sense to me. especially considering that the majority of those who are on death row hardly ever make it to their execution. most die in prison. a life sentence is plenty more of a punishment, in my opinion, especially considering how horrible prisons are for people that have committed such horrific crimes. even if they are put in isolation, the knowledge that you will never leave and are trapped in this place for the rest of your life is punishment enough, in my opinion.

with assisted suicide, it is a very different story. most people who seek assisted suicide are typically end of life patients. those who know they have no other way of dying other than through their illness. these are people who have suffered for a long time and know that they have no other life waiting for them other than suffering and hospital bills. it is a very sad way to leave life, but in most cases, its the most humane. in my opinion, as long as these people have their full cognitive abilities about them and they are capable of clearly understanding and expressing their wishes, they should be fully able to choose to end their lives in a humane and controlled environment, rather than suffering for any longer or attempting suicide on their own and having any sort of complication or suffering.

in short, those sentenced to death are not choosing this. it is not any person's job to choose whether or not someone should die. assisted suicide patients are well within their rights to choose to die this way; they did not ask to be put on this earth and they should not have to suffer if they should choose not to.

[vaguehotels]

had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what

[elena-fishr]

.

[takemetodragonstone]

there’s nothing like a phobia-induced panic attack to really wake you up in the morning

[tuhbanbuv]

I heard from some youtube comment that the secret videos on the Welcome Home website are Wally's pov during the conversations his friends are having and that's just so funny

cuz it's just a somewhat still frame of a random object as if Wally has just been staring intensely at something or just zoning out the entire conversation and I feel that on an emotional level

[favroitecrime]

Oohhh in the post I just reblogged someone in the notes pointed out (in their tags) that Barbie being paraded as a feminist movie is false given the premise being male-driven and the conclusion being akin to “it’s the woman’s fault”. And from everything I’ve seen/heard I can’t say they’re wrong. The barbies mistreated the kens who then mistreated them back and then they came together and decided “let’s not do that anymore❤️”. which. MAYBE this would have been a concept that worked with another character, but this is BARBIE. Barbie has always represented this lesson. The movie required breaking down EVERYTHING about Barbie and her ideals and personality to create this weird version that’s inconsiderate & arguably daft was a ridiculous choice. Nothing excited me about this movie since its announcement because I knew whatever they were going to they to do would involve decimating years of proper messaging. And it sucks that so many girls are only gonna know this Barbie. The Barbie I had growing up had the slogan “you can be anything you wanna be (what do you wanna be?)”. The Barbie I grew up with was sweet, kind, and self-reliant, never once feeling inferior to her male counterparts NOR mistreating anyone else. The Barbie I grew up with was everything they stripped this Barbie of. The Barbie I had was a ballerina, a dreamer, a fairy, a mermaid, a friend, a sister, a girlfriend, an actress, a singer. Barbie life in the dreamhouse would have made a great movie though idk why they wouldn’t want to take it in that direction🤷🏻‍♀️

[television-overload]

If I see one more person say we should get rid of Daylight Savings Time in the US, I'm gonna lose my mind.

That just means it will get darker earlier in the summer. Nothing about the fall/winter would change. Nightmare scenario.

If what you want is more daylight during the winter months, what you're arguing for is in fact permanent Daylight Savings Time, which I'm pretty sure they tried once and people didn't like it. I personally like darker mornings where I get to see the sunrise on my way to work, so I wouldn't mind permant DST, but I get that others wouldn't.

The question is would you rather have people driving to work in the dark (possibly more unsafe) or more people with seasonal depression (also not fun). No matter what you do, days are gonna get shorter in the winter, it just be like that sometimes.