#(some of which were ones he studied)
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mockley time it's mockley time will you have some mockleys of mine
#my art#oc#mockley#anthro#furry#dinosaur#i think i like this mockley i think i'm guiding her to where she needs to be design-wise to fit in with her human cohorts#and the lines were fun as hell to render. mockley has so many textures#been in an art rut recently. feel like i'm guiding my art where i don't want it to go. and also feel limited in what i can do#big pity party basically lol but it's good to recognise that and be like well whatever. just do some studies and get back on track#less throwing myself against the same wall and more finding a ladder to get over it. which will involve more studies and less oc drawings#and also less comparing myself to other people and especially people younger than me who have amazing art it's BAD for you#compete with YOURSELF and you can neverrr lose. you can never lose if you have fun LOSING#learn to LOVE losing#my favourite vinny vinesauce quote and one of my favourite motivational quotes ever. he said it as a joke while salty at mario kart#but it's resonated positively in my life ever since hearing it#fall in love with failing.....learn to love losing....(said to myself)
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#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#the ''charles darwin ate every animal he discovered'' is unfounded but he did go out of his way to eat uncommonly eaten animals#(some of which were ones he studied)#he tried to eat ate a beetle right off a tree. its in his diaries.#ecology#charles darwin
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actively exploring an 'opposite' au of sorts which started out as a 'switching role' au--
aventurine is a doctor (statistical analysis) and a member of the genius society. he's so good at predicting what'll happen that some people think he's psychic, and every company out there wants him on their official payroll instead of a contract.
dr ratio's work was stolen by the ipc, and he dropped everything to try to get it back and erase all copies of it, as a world-destroyer is horrifically dangerous in the ipc's hands. at this point, he's just trying to take down the ipc.
sunday & robin were picked up by the ipc after their planet's destruction, and are currently stonehearts (anglesite & moonstone).
#i have no one else planned & there's no guarantee i'll expand this beyond a handful of ppl lmao.#but its fun to try to keep canonical characterization consistent while changing their outcomes#hsr#aventurine#sunday#robin#veritas ratio#dr ratio#thoughts#aventurine is known as dr ananke perenna -- surname from the dr who bought him who was studying fate/fortune#he's wildly disliked by erudition pathstriders for his first name which he took off the name of the study he was bought for#except by higher ups who're fully aware of that. he sees it as 'if it makes them uncomfy that's on them. they were fully aware of this'#aven's whole thing is that he's uncannily lucky & incredibly smart. he doesn't have dr ratio's brand of love for humanity#he'd absolutely be a genius society member in some way. in this case no one's aware of how he joined; it was a revelation around the aeons#eldritch horror-esque; he understood & then the understanding was removed from him. so he can't explain it in a way ppl would understand#oh. the astral express & stellaron hunters are planned to be swapped as well here.#the lovers’ crossroad au
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✧ The Ardal stars ✧
#artists on tumblr#art#illustration#digital art#digital drawing#dnd#dungeons and dragons#homebrew#original art#my art#my ocs#Setting: Heim#I drew these a couple of years ago now i think#but since i'm drawing stuff for this setting again i'm reuploading with updated information cause the last one is outdated#I will say right off the bat however#If you compare my designs to already existing IPs i will block you on sight#the last time i posted these they got compared to a piece of media i really dislike#and that comment alone made me fall out of love with this setting for almost two years#so please. do not. it's rude and unnecessary#These are the artefacts my setting and its story is largely centered around#Tethry is credited with creating them (Even though he didn't)#They were gifted by Tethry to each of the largest cities in the world to serve as power generators supplying arcane power to the whole city#immediately pushing the four sister cities into prosperity and progress. leaving literally everyone else in the dust#which caused some understandable tension between countries that already had a bit of a strained relationship to begin with#There is SO MUCH to these little trinkets and their link to Tethry and how finding them essentially fucked up his whole entire life#You'd think becoming the world's most renowned arcanist would be the best thing that ever happened to an aspiring caster#but to some poor dude just trying to study arcane language. stumbling across the magical equivalent of the demon core#was very much not on his wishlist#especially not dealing with the consequences of trying to make sure no one actually realises how nasty they have the potential to be#which. someone inevitably does
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guess who's gna hv to go to the hospital tmr and probably hv the infected wound surgically removed
#ITS ME ☝️☝️☝️☝️💥💥💥#skipping sch is so fun yall infection be damned#okay tiny rant after this yall hv been warned#THIS GIRL VERY FUNNY AH#bro ur concern means absolute jack SHIT to me if all youre gna do is be a bitch about it#yeah okay i admit i have zero clue how to treat wounds esp infected ones n i didnt even know the infection was this severe until someone#until my friends told me today#LIKE YEAH I ADMIT ID BE THE TYPE OF PERSON FIRST TO DIE IN A HORROR MOVIE#but like that doesnt give you the excuse to keep calling me dumbass/idiot/stupid#and all the other synonyms of dumb youve been calling me today????#like girl YOURE the certified first aider not me???#and like the qualifications doesnt even give u the right to call me dumb like what the hell#like ik shes concerned for me bec she was the one helping me treat my wound today b4 i saw a doctor#but like she kept making it sound like im a 5yo w absolutely zero sense of safety and shit#and like she kept making it sound like i was FORCING her to help me#NO I WASNT ??#YOU OFFERED?? THEN YOU STARTED BEING AN ASS ABOUT IT???#then like she kept. calling me stupid. like even after the joke got old#bec at first it was her and my other friends teasing me about it and it was funny at first but then she kept going on n on even after that??#then she forced me to see a doctor which i admit was smart i shldve gone to a doctor like. yesterday 😭😭#but then when we were at the clinic she deadass said smth along the lines of “i hv to work and worry sm bec of YOU today”#as if i forced her to accompany me to the doctor??? but it was HER idea ????#also she deadass called the nurse who dressed my wound unprofessional#and she called the doctor i saw on saturday useless bec the antibiotics he prescribed me last week werent working#like. bro if ur so smart then why dont YOU go med sch rn and become a doctor huh#bro ur goofy ahh 1y/o first aid cert aint shit compared to the guy who spent 12+ years studying med n working for even more years than that#like i cannot get over the fact she kept calling me dumbass the entire day#and it was so aggressively too and she threatened to slap me bec i was “being stupid”#and like she kept making my infection out to be so severe as if i wld drop dead right that second or my arm wld fall off or some shit#AAAAAAAAA THIS GOT SO LONG I HIT 30 TAGS WHOOPS HAVE A MWAMWA IF U READ THIS LONG IM SORRY IM JS PISSED BUT I TRIED NOT TO SWEAR 😭😭🙏🙏
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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just thought about the fact that part of being a doctor is, unfortunately, having to cope with the knowledge that you can't save everyone. and yeah, barton might just seem like a cold-hearted monster on the outside. BUT the man is also able to feel cognitive empathy, and sometimes, he has genuinely felt bad for people / made a connection to them. and with this in mind, especially considering the patient he had at the time didn't even have an emergency contact to reach out to before they died, the first time that he wasn't able to prevent someone from dying —
barton had to go excuse himself to BAWL his eyes out after they were gone. and this was because they just seemed so lonely, yet they were also appreciative that he was willing to stay with them before they died. so, although barton does feel like his heart is ugly and ice-cold at times, he is capable of demonstrating kindness towards people + he isn't completely evil. plus, in addition, the man didn't sleep well at all for at least a week because although they do tell you that people are going to die in medical school... i can imagine that it's so much different whenever you actually experience it.
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#YOUR NEED GREW TEETH: character study.#this honestly came to me a bit out of the blue BUT i thought it was important that i write my thoughts down about this.#because barton does STILL have some humanity in him and whenever it shows through it's like... he actually feels 'normal' for once.#though we all know that 'normal' is subjective there is this universal idea among humans that death is just one of those thing's that-#although it happens to everyone seems unfair and terrible more often than not + a metaphorical dam just. BROKE in barton when this-#patient of his died especially because they were younger than him and they seemed to have accepted the fact that they were going to die-#but they were still scared over it. which is just... god damn. i would not have been able to keep myself together either in that situation-#honestly. though i think that barton is somewhat thankful that he was able to meet them because now he can carry on their memory-#when before they didn't have anyone to do that for them.#tw: death.
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vent incoming:
got my grades back for my courses last semester and most of it was to be expected, mostly A's, maybe an A-, etc. but i honestly can't get over the fact that my independent study (the buddy cole documentary) was for some reason given a B. like sure getting a B isn't bad per se, I usually get at least one B every semester and i honestly don't really care about what my exact gpa is as long as i can graduate, but come on. this school put me through months of psychological torment over this project and didn't even have the nerve to give me a B+??? i'm still coping with the self-doubt they forced on me and this bullshit is not helping!!
#honestly it's kind of hilarious ngl. especially bc i also got my documentary work counted as an independent study the previous semester#and the previous semester even tho i barely worked on the doc itself#(mostly just planning and putting together the crowdfunding which was still a lot of work but like compare it to the past few months)#they were willing to give me an A (my school doesn't do A+ so this is the highest mark possible)#vs this semester. like i'll admit my final assignment was late and could have been more polished#but i was literally on tour in documentary-mode 24/7 for several weeks. i filmed an entire comedy special! i put together a live interview!#not to mention having to fucking negotiate with my own college censoring the footage they'd promised me of an event i put together#and play nice with a professor who literally outed me on twitter in an attempt to cancel one of my best friends#at this point the ''B'' feels more like a petty grudge than anything else#like ok we can't get away with *actually* fucking over jessamine's grades bc clearly ze did do the work. but let's just give zir a B#like i will admit the audio quality in my final isn't great. and i could have used more polished footage in some sections#but counterpoint: 100+ students were arrested at a protest while i was editing and i was having a mental breakdown#the fact that i finished *anything* is goddamn impressive especially after they essentially conditioned me to hate myself any time i was#working on a project i loved!!!#due to the aforementioned student arrests my college did put out an option where we could change any letter grade this semester to pass/fai#so anything passing wouldn't impact our gpa if we didn't want it to. so i could just change the B to a ''pass''#but really what's the point. ''B'' is still a good grade and my GPA is fine (3.65 on a 4.0 grading scale. 2.0 is required to graduate)#it just sucks that after what i went through last semester i feel like nobody takes it seriously#i was reminiscing earlier about how it's honestly kind of funny how after that professor outed me on twitter#i was at the hotel with scott like an hour later sobbing and having an existential crisis about my relationship to gender#and scott was so supportive but also awkwardly being like#''i know i should offer the crying child a tissue but where the fuck are the tissues in this room what do i do''#and he just handed me a full-on towel instead like oh my god he was trying his best but also so clearly out of his depth#but of course i then had to remember how when i told that story to a different professor to be like ''this is how much scott cares about me#this guy called me fucking UNPROFESSIONAL for crying in front of the subject of my documentary?????????#like yeah maybe so but how DARE you call me unprofessional when a different professor tweeted my full name and gender without my consent#in an attempt to fucking cancel one of my friends for ''misgendering'' me for using pronouns i'm fine with him using!!!#i don't think i'm ever going to be able to forgive my college and i don't know how i'll be able to get through one more semester#that experience genuinely changed things about my psychology that i'm not proud of and i need to work through#so if i have to miss a goddamn kids in the hall event because i have class this november i am going to set something on fire
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The Fernweh Saga by @lacunafiction - Davor edition
I-I think Ms. Verner doesn't like him...😳
Davor "Dove" Kovač 🐝 RO: Becca Warrick
Personality: cautious // aloof // pessimistic // flirtatious (only towards Becca ...and Reese??) Traits: head // independent // resistance // believer Past affinity: math Primary ability: extrasensory awareness Past susceptibility: forward. 'it’s better to push forward. don’t look back on the past when you have new places to be and things to achieve.' <<< his motto
🕊️ Fernweh: Davor lived a happy life there and didn't think about leaving in the future. Maybe for some trips, but he knew it would always be his place, his safe place... 'It was a mistake to come back here.' - that was his first thought when he tried to fall asleep on the first night in Fernweh. The nightmares came back as he thought they would. He wants to leave as soon as possible because he feels that it is not safe for Becca to be here.
🕊️ Gramps Dan: That was his gramps who taught Davor how to play the guitar. As a young child, Davor always admired him and believed he was the most intelligent person in the world. After the death of his parents and how his grandfather treated him, he was devastated and angry. He wanted answers soo badly but didn't get any. He lived loathing his grandfather ever since. The news of his passing stirred up a lot of negative emotions that Davor had previously managed to suppress. At the beginning of the story he couldn't care less about his grandfather, but because of his journal he started to believe him. Things that his granfather lived through made Davor even more angry at this messy town …but he's willing to forgive his gramps…
🐝 Becca Warrick: It was a ...funny story that brought both of them together and they look after each other ever since. He considers Becca as his precious (not in a negative-possessive way) treasure, he literally can't let anything bad happen to her. That was also she who came up with the nickname 'Dove'... (and she's literally the only person who calls him that, others wouldn't dare...). He had feelings for her for quite some time but didn't act on it... until now. Although he didn't express it, he felt very nervous about Becca being in the town where he grew up. He was curious (but also scared) about what she could think of this town. He felt like he was revealing more of himself to her…. and he forgot about any worries pretty fast, because the town started being weird as fu--.
🕊️ Reese Verner: Back then Davor was quite cheerful and enjoyed competing with Reese regularly. They teased each other a lot. Davor always thought that Reese had a crush on him, was it true tho? donut know, but he certainly had. ...why does he appear in his nightmares? Maybe the crush stage never disappeared...? Seeing him again was a nice experience, sure... but ignoring the circumstances, he is still unsure if it was worth it and is struggling with his thoughts… Would it be worth it to return to Fernweh just to see him... again? welp, good thing he doesn't have to think about it much, am I right?
🕊️ Sofia Dorran: The two of them maybe did not have a strong relationship, but he knew Sofia is the ideal person for engaging in intelligent conversations. He enjoyed spending time with her, solving the puzzles that gramps created for them both. Davor wasn't a fan of fantasy books, but she managed to change his mind about them. Davor knows that Sofia did take good care of his grandfather, but he still doesn't quite know if he's grateful for that or wished she spent her time more... valuably... He was tempted to ask Sofia to borrow that book she found in his grandfather's bedroom, but he thought better of it. It's better to leave Fernweh… Even so, his curiosity wasn't properly fed.
🕊️ James Corvin: Maybe not brothers by blood, but definitely brothers by choice. Davor treated him as if he was the brother he always wanted to have. Back then Davor always placed a high value on his family… until now. At the time, Davor tended to be more impulsive and James was usually the one who kept him from getting into trouble (which often involved Reese). It was really hard, for both of them, to see each other after so long. Their first interaction was pretty awkward... I would even say that most of their interactions were . James noticed how Davor changed the question is: for the better or worse? I don't even know. Everyone can sense, that things around them are different now, and they aren't as close as before. Will it change?
🕊️ Alek Corvin: …To say that Alek wasn't a fan of Davor would be an understatement. Was it because James spent most of his time focusing only on Davor trying to get him out of trouble? Did Alek observe any possessiveness from Davor towards James? Or maybe simply because of the bond between those two, which was truly something that others would envy and desire? Davor never considered it, especially when he left Fernweh permanently. :)) As you can imagine, Alek doesn't seem very happy about Davor's return… But he took an interest in his new friend, Becca, which did not go unnoticed by Davor and he isn't really happy about it.
🕊️ The Waitress: Oh boy, it seems that Davor has taken up a new hobby, which is glaring harshly at the waitress. He finds her mistrustful and he smells trouble. Had they met when he was younger, there may have been a slim chance of them getting along.
🕊️ Waffles!: So um… Davor has a little issue with dogs and because of that his relationship with Waffles isn't as wonderful as I wish it would be... However, I believe that with time and help from Becca, they will eventually become friends.
#actually about his scar i have this whole headcanon... featuring some...umm.. doggos and Becca... 👀 especially how they met#(Davor was always team cats but after that incident even more xD)#also ouch that naming scene it hurt me so much! but i get it ;; aaaa! Davor why are you being so problematic Waffles is wonderful!!!#it was really interesting for me to messing with Davor in nightmares and showing him Reese!! the feelings the emotions aaaa#also yeeaah Davor thought several times if it would be a good idea to come back to Re-- *cough* Fernweh... and then Becca happened...#generally speaking Davor has a keen interest in Slavic mythologies and culture particularly those from western and southern regions of-#-Europe. I imagine that his father has roots in these regions and he took great pride in his heritage. Often taking about it to Davor#...and since Sofia's a smart girl she lent Davor a fantasy book written by Slavic author who took a great inspiration from Slavic myths👼😊#yes it was enough to change Davor's mind about fantasy books XD he never really read one before he just assumed it's BORING!#and now I'm sure he will throw questions at Sofia about this book she found even more since he's staying at Fernweh... I can imagine how-#-they both are staying up late studying it and comparing their notes... it would remind Davor about the time they were kids-#-it seems that his Gramps gave them both the last puzzle to solve... will they succeed?#and ooohh that will be a hard time for James and Davor... that rejection at the end of book one wont help them im sure XD#about Davor's 'possesivenes' over James... Davor was needy that's true but he would never think about 'stealing' James from Alek or-#-'claiming' James belongs to him. I hope im not crossing a line here but in my headcanon Alek was TOTALLY jealous over their friendship#and Alek THOUGHT that Davor was receiving more attention from James 👀#//which obv isn't true because James would never allow it. Alek is always a number one in James' heart//#in mine too I love A!!!! 💖 they're a BABY#but i must say that Davor didn't really think about Alek's feelings back then. he wasn't aware how Alek could feel- that's not an excuse#super curious about book two and how his relationships with every single one of them will develop!!!#fernweh saga#oc: davor kovac#no i totally did NOT change his surname..
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*video by a self proclaimed historian archeology with mary on a cross dramatic beat in the background fake crying hand on mouth in instagram reels* here is a funeral epigraphy of this young roman lady who got murdered by her husband! People especially men were such beasts right then and haven't changed much! *shows epigraphy where parents of murdered girl both father and mother denounce their daughter's murder as something abominable and either way Very Much Not Uncaring of the girls fate*
#i also just think its dangerous to like. chalk up an entire population/culture as having components that act like a monolith#and every one is a misogynistic violent man who uses women as a bargaining chip and no one cared about their#wife/sister/mother/daughter ever#and well. i know the long dead thousand year long spanning violent state the roman empire doesnt need my defense lol#i just think. generalizing a demographic is bad. and like. how people are just comfortable doing it because#they have decided that the entity they are talking about is 'bad' and thus can say all the shit they want about them#and like yeah. roman misogyny was really bad and disgusting i studied roman literature for fucks sakw#i know what many men thought of women back then#but again. there were other men who cared about their female relatives. cicero and tullia. fulvia and clodius. pliny and calpurnia.#ovid and fabia.#literally the longest latin epigraphy we have is a man mourning his wife and wishing he died in her place and listing how wonderful she was#and when pointed out the people in the comments (whose venn diagram is a circle with bitches who exploit little girls#getting raped and/or murdered to spam I CHOOSE THE BEAR which again. if some bitch did that with me#they'd probably find her bloated naked body in the tevere two weeks later like holy shit its so disrespectful)#is a circle)#say 'buuh oooh well some guys loved their wives/daughter what matters she still died' and well.#people point that shit out because you are already so quick to jump at condemning a whole people as mindless monsters#who only thought about raping impregnating killing their child wives and thats just. not true#do you truly believe every human back then didnt have feelings and just adhered to societal norms?#do you thinl you from the oh so enlightened future are illuminated from those filthy savages and are immune from societal bias?#i also feel that like. the way most of those people approach this is less empathy on#the women who suffered beforeha d#in that place and more 'how can i make this about me a 25 yo WASP woman' yk
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when deirdre maguire said ‘punk is the only religion worth fighting for’
#yeah!#derry girls#actually thought about this when i was studying today#the punk scene in ni is soo interesting to me#and how derry girls fits into art created about the troubles#because the vast majority of media about them has focused on the violence and political 'struggles'. and understandably so#but both derry girls and the undertones focused on teenager's lives . with the troubles on the periphery#teenage kicks is about the life of one teenager who fancies a girl basically#and derry girls is about a group of teenagers who struggle with ordinary things about being a teenager like school parents and crushes#and both the undertones in the 70s and derry girls today showed the rest of the uk/ireland (and further afield) that ni is more than just#violence and sectarianism. and that the people (esp teenagers) here are just like people and teenagers everywhere#which was a BIG deal in the 70s and honestly kind of a big deal now too when you think about english ignorance about ni lol#(one commentator on a guardian review of derry girls said that it hadnt occurred to him when he was growing up that catholics in ni were#just ordinary people just like him and his friends and family. which kinda shows the extent to which propaganda regarding ni functioned in#britain during the troubles - and still today in some ways)#it also feels significant that both derry girls and the undertones were created by working class catholics from derry but maintaining#a non sectarian aspect is also important - the point is that they both portrayed the realities of being a teenager which crossed religious#and political barriers. i could write a whole essay on this honestly#kinda moved on from the punk scene aspect hmmm in ep 3x05 of derry girls stiff little finger's 'alternative ulster' was played#which calls on the listener to 'grab it and change it - it's yours' to show that ordinary people - esp teenagers - have the power to create#a better society and a better life and a better ulster. and in 3x07 that's exactly what they did.
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wish i would practice my spanish more but idk what spanish media to get into and i'm terrified of speaking to others even in a practice setting
#i have some auditory processing issues so i really struggle w ppl's accents even in english#and my anxiety makes it worse#when i studied in costa rica i either got ppl saying ''oh your spanish is good!!'' or switching to english bc i was struggling 😭#and it was mostly dependent on whether they enunciated or slurred their words#my spanish is at its best when i'm tipsy-drunk... bc i stop being self-conscious#i forgot my wallet at a bar one night and had to get an uber and the driver and i chatted and he complimented my spanish#and in my head i was like yeah that's the confidence elixir fhskfhdk#also i'm told i speak v v formally which makes sense bc most of my courses were literature courses#oh did reading excerpts from el cantar de mio cid not help my conversational spanish?
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truly a blessing that im not home right now or i don't what i'd do to my roommate. fucking audacity
#long story short results from the final test from water constructiona got posted#she got the 9th highest score out of all 150 people#i barely passed having 2 points over the limit and our 3rd friend was short on 3 points so she will have to retake#mind you that last girl was the one who actually put the most work into this out of us three#she actually thoroughly prepared me while i read the presentations twice and my roommate didn't do anything at all#roommate got a cheat sheet minutes before the test from some rando and just copied the answers that were there#and now is boasting how she got one of the top scores without wasting any time#got lucky okay that's life#but then on the general uni group chat one guy asked about when's the 2nd try for the test#and i response to which my roommate on our private group started a whole ass monologue#that how in the worst HE didn't pass this. he was always getting top scores from all the subject. he got a 5.0 from hydrology#well shut the fuck up he's just some guy who's a student like anyone else#it's not set in stone that he'll always have top scores because it's just fucking hard anyway can do worse sometimes even top students#maybe he was tired maybe he didn't have time to study maybe he didn't have any cheat sheets and just tried to rely on his knowledge#anything can happen and he can get any grade just like anyone can#very few things piss me off as much as people saying stuff like her#i got so heated up over this that my head started to hurt#i hate it here#this is what makes me always so damn anxious before any test#because if i fail everyone always starts asking what happened and how ME out of all people didn't pass#so now when dhe started saying this about that guy it just hit to close to home i guess#i need to go on a walk to cool down
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#one final left 😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫#i am procrastinating studying#my motivation to study is nonexistent atp lmfao#which is bad that this class is last#bc idk anything in this class#���😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀#and the slides aren't great and there's not a great straightforward way to study in my brain rn#i need to write down some stuff i can do#i i have like a lil les than 14 hours 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀#why was this class so bad for me it wasn't even like that bad like the prof wasn't horrible#just not for me ig 💀💀💀 i just could not pay attention to him everything he said went right in and out thru my ears no comprehension#hm so how do i reread all the chapters or something in like < 10 hours or smth lmfao#also what do i even mean reread as if i read them all the first time slkjnfgdfigbpiurghpqireughdjfhsglfgjhaldkjfh#my last two finals were ok like ........ on par for what i expect lmfao and i think i did as well as i was gonna do on them#but this one#it's fucking unfortunate timing that it's last and day after another final bc i would rly appreciate a lot more time to study for this one#and i cant manage time so i haven't rly started studying for it lmfao why would i study before the day before 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩#anyway whatever#my chinese song playlist hitting hard rn it's so good and so nice to listen to while studying bc i dont get too distracted lol#and the songs are so GOOD i've been bonding more w my roommate over it XD#i think it's kinda funny how my music this week is gonna be so different than normal lol on airbuds since it does weekly music stats#out of nowhere just only lindsey stirIing and chinese songs lol#and then mxmt/oon in btwn there bc she also chiller music#jeanne talks
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okay but now that im on a roll and the brainrot took over
can we talk about how nick is so stupidly main character energy in everything he does why does this man always have the most backstory (and usually the most tragic backstory) and ends up with one of the most interesting characters just by the amount of story behind him As Is let alone in personality
my man just kinda kicks ass no matter what the role is, regardless if hes actually the main character or not and i love it. give me more. where is my boy. wheres my sopping wet dog of a man bring him back
#bugs speaks#shootzki#i GUESS ill tag him its only fair#this is just a nick appreciation post#its also not even just about thq at this point. even going as far back as some of cory's rps my man was like The Most Interesting Character#at least to me#hes got so much shit going on i want to study all of his characters under a microscope#this does unfortunately include That One Sitcom And Also It's Weird Connected Series From That One Guy We Don't Like#which is forever my villain origin story. we couldve had it so good we were so robbed
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#the day was going so well until my mom decided to be mean to me for no reason in a piblic space where i was already feeling scared and over#stimulated. i wanted to try out the skateboards in decathlon but there were too many people and i got scared. and my mom suddenly said that#the skateboard that she was going to buy for me after/on my birthday. she had decided to buy now. since we were alr in theshop and i said no#way bec i hadnt decided which one i wanted yet and i was soo panicked. and then after some time when id calmed down a bit and was gonna try#to skate anyways she started questioning me abt when i planned on peacticing and where i was gonna do it and i obviously just started saying#things that i thought she would approve of. and then she told me i didnt have the time management skills or resolve to make it work. and she#just kept on passive aggressively bullying me until i just couldnt do it anymore and i told her i wanted go leave the store bc she was#spoiling the mood. and then she started bullying me louder and she told me to stop blaming her bc she was only asking me a question and she#didn't want to waste any more money on things that i wasnt gonna do even though ive wanted a skateboard for years now and have been actively#asking her for months. and i just lost my emergy and my appetite and i wanted to leave the mall and go home but insteaf she gook us to a#bagel place that ive been trying to get her to take us even though i felt like throwing up before we even left the mall and i told her i#didnt want to go there. and my brother even told her that she was ruining things for everyone. and he still ended up blaming me in the end.#but whatever. i kept getting flashbacks to insanely traumatic moments where shed yelled at or bullied me or cornered me or tried to#embarass me in public. and this is most likely my last year at home. and my last year of childhood. and its all going to be remembered in my#brain as underwhelming and depressing and mostly horrible. and im going to leave home and never cone back and my last year at home is going#to be just as shitty as every other year and ill just have to deal with that and try to build something good and new and kind when i leave#she shouldnt speak to her own children like this. she shouldnt be looking for reasons to make things miserable for me all the time like this#i should study. my head hurts. my entire body hurts so bad#delete later
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