#(or similar depending on what ‘gay pride’ thing they’re talking about)

[myexmothoughts]

my parents solution to not liking gay people is to avoid them

[fruitcoops]

Would love to see a wired autocomplete interview with coops! 🥰

Anon, did you read my mind? These two have such chaotic energy when they’re given an outlet and it was a true pleasure to write it. Dorcas is exhausted. Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove!

“Wait, I want to pull the tab,” Remus said, tugging on the edge of the cardboard lightly as Sirius tried to hold it out of his reach without falling off his chair.

“I get to read it out loud for you and then we switch!” Sirius protested, smacking him gently on the head with it. The resulting bonk noise made them both break down laughing.

“You guys know we’re rolling, right?” Dorcas asked as she gathered a stack of cards in her lap, looking highly amused.

“Really?”

“Yeah.” She turned to the camera with a bright smile. “Welcome back to Lion Pride, hockey fans! I’m Dorcas Meadowes and I’m here today with Sirius Black and Remus Lupin to answer some of the internet’s most pressing questions. How are you two feeling?”

“Terrified,” Sirius said.

“The internet is like the Twilight Zone,” Remus agreed. “Who goes first?”

“Sirius, you’ve got a card already. Take it away.”

He cleared his throat and grabbed the edge of the first pull tab, ripping it off slowly. “That is so satisfying, woah. How tall is Remus Lupin?”

“I am five foot eleven and a half.”

“That half inch comes from your sneakers and you know it.”

“It does not!”

Sirius just smiled and removed the next paper slip. “What language does Remus Lupin speak?”

“I speak English and a little bit of French. Tried to learn Spanish in high school, but failed miserably.”

“I love the wording on this one,” Sirius said as he turned the board toward the camera. “Remus Lupin Green Bay Packers.”

“Dammit, now everyone knows my full name,” Remus sighed. “Uh, the Packers are cool.”

“I think people were wondering if you ever played on the team,” Dorcas said.

Remus raised an eyebrow. “Do I look like a football player to you?”

“Next question!” Sirius ripped the tab off and took a good section of the paper above with it. There was a beat of stunned silence. “I am…so sorry.”

Behind the camera, Marlene burst out laughing, along with most of the camera crew. “It’s fine, keep reading.”

“Okay, um…” Sirius squinted at the partially torn-off question. “Remus Lupin name meaning.”

Remus groaned. “I hate this question. Yes, it does mean Wolf Wolf. Yes, my dad’s name also means Wolf Wolf. Yes, my mother’s maiden name is Howell. I’m aware of the endless puns.”

“Don’t you mean a-were?” Sirius asked as a slow grin spread across his face. Remus grabbed the card and bonked him over the head with it.

“Remus, your turn.” Dorcas handed him a poster board and took the blank one.

“I’m going to be careful with this one, unlike somebody,” he teased, kissing Sirius on the cheek. “Is Sirius Black…related to Pascal Dumais?”

“In all the ways that matter, yes.”

Remus grinned when he read the next one. “Is Sirius Black missing a tooth?”

“No!” Sirius gave the camera an offended look. “I have all my teeth, thank you very much.”

“Is Sirius Black mean?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Reporters don’t like you very much.”

“The feeling is mutual. I love the fans though, most of them are so sweet.”

“Oh, I like this one. Is Sirius Black married?” Remus rested his chin on the top of the card and batted his eyelashes, making Sirius laugh.

“Almost! Ask me again in July.” Remus set the card on the floor and Dorcas passed Sirius a new one. “Does Remus Lupin wear glasses?”

“Nope.”

“Does Remus Lupin—I have never said your name so many times in one sitting, my god—does Remus Lupin have siblings?”

“Yup.”

“Does Remus Lupin—”

“Can you elaborate?” Dorcas asked with a laugh. “How many siblings? Names? Ages?”

Remus turned to the camera. “I have one brother named Julian and he’s ten years old. He likes piggyback rides, ice cream, and hockey.”

“Much better. Take it away, Cap.”

“Does Remus Lupin have allergies?”

Remus frowned in confusion. “Why do people want to know that? Uh, yeah, I’m allergic to some pollens. Spring is hell.”

“How many of these do we have?” Sirius asked as he tossed the board over his shoulder and crossed his legs.

“Quite a few! Loops, you’re up.”

“Where is Sirius Black from?”

“Canada.”

“Where does Sirius Black live?”

“The Lions ice rink. I set up a tent in the middle of the goal posts every night so that I’m never late to practice.”

“Sirius Black gay.”

Sirius paused. “I think we’re missing a couple words in there.”

“That’s literally all it says,” Remus laughed, moving it to show him. “Sirius Black gay. I don’t know, honey, Sirius Black gay?”

“Sirius Black very gay,” he confirmed. “Sirius Black thinks people need to have better grammar.”

“Is Sirius Black’s hair naturally curly?”

“No, I use a curling iron every morning to do each individual curl,” he said. “It takes me seven hours and thirteen minutes, and I use a full can of hairspray.”

Remus scooted over so Dorcas could hand him a new card. “He keeps a stopwatch and tries to beat his personal record every time.”

Sirius pulled the first tab away and immediately started laughing too hard to speak.

“What does it say? You can’t just leave me hanging!” Sirius turned the board around and Remus leaned down to read it. “Is Remus Lupin hockey? Yes. I am the entire sport of hockey condensed into one being. I’m coming for basketball next. Thanks for asking!”

It took a few seconds for Sirius to get his breath back. “What is Remus Lupin—”

“I thought we just answered that.”

“—what is Remus Lupin zodiac sign?”

Remus paused. “Is that the thing Pots was talking about the other day? With the quiz?”

“That was love languages.”

“Your zodiac sign depends on your birthday,” Marlene called. “When were you born?”

“March 10th.”

“You’re a Pisces.”

“I’m a Pisces!” he said brightly to the camera. “No idea what that means, but it sounds cool.”

“It means you’re two fish.” She laughed as Remus sucked his cheeks in for a fish face. “Very nice.”

“Thank you.”

Sirius was especially careful as he pulled the paper slip off the next question. “What is Remus Lupin first job?”

“The grammar of these questions is killing me. Um, I worked in the university bookstore during college.”

“On the list of ‘things that don’t surprise anyone’,” Dorcas joked.

“Did Remus Lupin go to college?”

Remus gave the camera a look. “First of all, I have a medical degree. Second of all, did people completely forget about the whole ‘about to be drafted right out of college’ thing? It was a grand total of four years ago! Google it!”

“That’s what they did,” Sirius pointed out, gesturing to the board.

“True.”

“Last one for this card: how old is Remus Lupin?”

Remus thought for a moment. “Y’know, I kind of lost track after the first few centuries. My turn…what is Sirius Black real name?”

Sirius glanced at the camera. “It’s Sirius Black? Is this a trick question?”

“There are people out there who think that’s a fake name,” Dorcas said.

“Um, okay. Yeah, my real name is Sirius Black, my brother is Regulus, my dad is Orion, and I have cousins named Andromeda and Bellatrix.”

“What’s your uncle’s name again?” Remus asked.

“Which one? Cygnus? Phineas Nigellus? Arcturus?” At Dorcas’ surprised look, he laughed. “Oh, I could go all day long with this. That’s the tea on old French families with weird-ass naming traditions.”

“This next one is similar: Sirius Black middle name?”

“Orion.”

“Fun fact: the first time I saw your full name, Moody had written it and I thought it said ‘onion’.” Remus laughed as Sirius’ jaw fell open. “Those three seconds were a highlight of my life. Alright, what’s next…what color are Sirius Black’s eyes?”

“Blue.”

Remus shook his head. “They’re gray, almost silver.”

“Basically blue.”

“There’s nothing basic about you, babe.” Remus slid the board onto the floor and passed Sirius a new one. “Hit me with your best shot.”

“Is Remus Lupin Canadian?”

“I wish.”

“Is Remus Lupin left-handed?”

“No, but a lot of people seem to think that I am.”

“Is—” Sirius cut off with a snort. “Is Remus Lupin scrappy?”

“Are you fucking with me?” Remus asked, leaning over. “Is that actually what it says?”

“Yep.”

“Scrappy? Really?” He shook his head, lost for words. “I mean, I guess. Nobody’s ever called me scrappy before.”

“I don’t like this last one. How much is Remus Lupin worth?” Sirius wrapped an arm around his shoulders and kissed his temple. “You’re priceless.”

“I’m worth at least half a PB & J, but only if you use the good peanut butter. If you use the shitty Skippy stuff, hand over the whole sandwich. My turn! Does Sirius Black have piercings?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Does Sirius Black have an Instagram?”

“I do. Sblack12, if you want to see pictures of my friends’ kids and this cutie.”

“Is Sirius Black Australian?”

“Fuck off. I’m French Canadian, how the hell did anyone think I was Australian?”

“Sirius Black birthday.”

“I have one.”

“What is it?” Marlene asked. “I’ll tell you your zodiac sign.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “November 3rd.”

“Scorpio bitch.”

“Hey!”

“On the bright side, Scorpios and Pisces are super compatible.”

“What a relief, I was really banking on our astrology compatibility,” Remus said drily.

Dorcas handed Sirius a fresh board. “First up: can Remus Lupin sing?”

“Eh.”

“The correct answer is yes. What is Remus Lupin like in real life?”

“I’m horrible. I kick every puppy I see and carry one of those sticky hands from arcades to steal candy from children.” A smile twitched at the edges of his mouth and Sirius’ cheeks turned pink from suppressing his laughter. “Like Spiderman, but evil.”

“What happened to Remus Lupin after college?”

“What didn’t happen to Remus Lupin after college?” he laughed, leaning back in his seat. “These past couple years have been bonkers fucking yonkers. I became a PT, got a secret boyfriend, and now I’m engaged and an NHL player. There were, like, three seasons of character development squished into eighteen months.”

“Alright, last one. Why Remus Lupin kissed Sirius Black?”

“Because he’s hot and nice. Also, because he’s my fiancé.”

“Is that the criteria for kisses?” Sirius asked. “I just have to be hot and nice?”

“Pretty much. You’ve got both boxes permanently checked.”

“Final card,” Dorcas warned as she handed it to him. “Make it count.”

Remus cleared his throat. “How does Sirius Black work out?”

“I rollerskate and hula hoop for six hours a day simultaneously.”

“How old is Sirius Black?”

“Ageless.”

“How did Sirius Black meet Remus Lupin?”

“Fun story, actually. You know the movie Ocean’s Eleven?”

“Are Sirius Black and James Potter—”

“Dating.”

“—still friends.”

“Damn, I thought I had that one.” He did a double take. “Still friends? What happened? I saw him an hour ago, tops.”

“You might have to google it,” Remus suggested as he slid the board across the floor. “That’s it!”

“Way to go, guys,” Dorcas laughed. “I know literally nothing new about you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sirius said as the two high-fived. “We were completely honest the whole time.”

She faced the camera with a poorly-hidden smile. “Thanks for joining us today, Lions, and remember to like and subscribe for more content!”

[nerdygaymormon]

Hi, I’m going to byu this next year and I’m quite scared. Is there anything I should know? Also, I’m toying with the idea of going back into the closet just to make it easier in class and around extended family, because I know going to byu will hurt, but maybe I can make it hurt less? Idk, I’d just really appreciate some sort of response about this because you seem like the kind of person that can give a knowledgeable response. Ty for reading :)

Let me begin by saying my BYU student days are long ago and most of what I share is what I’ve learned from students the past few years or from when I visit campus and speak to people.

————————————————————

I know people who've been out but went back into the closet for reasons like going to BYU or moving to a new ward. And after experiencing what it's like to be out, being back in the closet the second time is a tougher experience. They recognize they are suppressing themselves.

I understand your desire to go back in the closet and how it gives you the opportunity to come out to roommates and friends after you test the water, maybe ask them questions and get a sense of their level of acceptance.

An alternative to going back into the closet is find an apartment with another queer person living there. If you know some queer BYU students, ask them to help you find housing with a queer roommate. If you don't know any queer BYU students, perhaps some will read this and message you, or I can contact a few for you.

————————————————————

The Out Foundation partners with Flourish Therapy to provide therapy for free to queer BYU students. I've only heard good things about Flourish, other than there's typically a wait list and may take weeks/months to get seen and assigned a therapist.

There's also CAPS, the university's counseling & psychological center, and I believe they're included in your student fees, so no additional costs to meet with their counselors. I've also heard good things from queer students who seek help from here.

————————————————————

USGA is the off-campus group for queer BYU students & their allies. They meet at the Provo library (the old BYU Academy bldg). They meet weekly and have activities. I highly recommend. This is a chance to meet other queer people in a situation similar to you. USGA may also be a route to find a queer roommate.

————————————————————

If you find that BYU is too much and you need to transfer, The Out Foundation might assist. Last year they raised money to help queer students transfer from BYU after the Honor Code change fiasco. They have a guide to transferring. It's better to get a degree from UVU than to be depressed and suicidal at BYU. Plus the name of the institution you graduate from will follow you the rest of your life and people will assume things about you based off of where you went.

————————————————————

Caleb Stewart put together this map to Gender Neutral Bathrooms on BYU Campus

————————————————————

At BYU, your ward will assign you into FHE groups, often it's 1 or 2 men's apartments and 1 or 2 women's apartments assigned together. 

Here's the thing, FHE isn't mandatory for your ecclesiastical endorsement, so skip it if going makes you cringe. There's a social aspect of going to college, and many find FHE contributes to that. 

If you have roommates, they may pressure you to go, but tell them you have class/study group or your going to your parents' house or whatever excuse you want.

————————————————————

If you want to avoid a calling, there's a couple strategies. Don't draw attention to you the first 3 weeks of school, that's when most callings are extended, maybe go to a friend's ward. If possible, leave your records in your home ward for 2 or 3 weeks until the big rush of callings is over.

You can avoid your BYU ward only a few times because you will need the bishop to renew your ecclesiastical endorsement. Elders Quorum and Relief Society are where your attendance will be taken.

If you really don't want a calling, you can decline the calling. Some callings are more demanding than others.

————————————————————

The school network used to be monitored, or had software that blocked certain sites, I don’t know what the current situation is. Until you know, be careful what stuff you access on the school network. Things that come across as anti-Mormon may be noticed and get flagged. 

————————————————————

A different strategy would be to tell shame to take a hike and hang up a rainbow Pride flag when you first move in. If your roommates ask (which they probably will), you can choose to say you're an ally or you are queer. You make the move to indicate this is going to be a queer-safe space.

If they really are uncomfortable with the idea of living with someone who is queer or an ally, they may try to transfer to a different apartment. And if so, good move as it will remove a hostile person from your life.

————————————————————

Ben Schilaty is a gay man who works in the BYU Honor Code office. Arranging to go by his office to introduce yourself and ask him for advice on how to have a better time at BYU is a good idea. His position is to enforce the Honor Code, so you can ask him about what is or isn't allowable at BYU, but don't go confessing things because he is a school official and would have to take action.

Blake Fisher is a gay man who works as an inclusion advisor in the Office of Student Success and Inclusion. He's worth a visit to see what steps BYU is taking to include queer students. He likely will have some advice on how to be successful as a queer student.

You'll probably be surprised by the number of faculty who are allies and display a rainbow or trans flag outside their office door. One faculty member I would recommend meeting is Roni Jo Draper. She was head of PFLAG in Provo, and is on the board of the ACLU. She'll likely be able to recommend other professors who are queer-friendly.

————————————————————

You can generally have a good time at BYU. However, anytime you mention queer topics, there's the possibility someone will overhear and respond negatively. You never know when a queerphobic talk will be given at church or a bigoted comment made in class. Feeling like you may experience these things at any time can make a person feel a bit paranoid and that they need to be careful.

————————————————————

While individual professors may call out people who make such comments in your class, don't expect the administration to take your side. In questions of personal dignity versus someone who claims they're defending church doctrine, the personal dignity of queer people gets sacrificed every time.

————————————————————

There are opportunities, such as volunteering at Encircle House or running for USGA leadership, that give you an opportunity help better the lives of queer people, and that is a fantastic feeling to know you're making a positive difference.

————————————————————

A recent poll found 13% of BYU students identify as LGBTQIA. Queer students are there and if you can find some, they'll introduce you to others. Being at BYU as a queer student can feel isolating, but you're not alone. Finding other queer students is very helpful. That group of students are generally very loving and supportive because they know what it's like.

————————————————————

As BYU is not an affirming, welcoming place for LGBTQIA students, it is up to you to build yourself a support network. This includes faculty who are allies that you can talk with, finding other queer students with whom you can talk about the ignorant things you have to deal with, USGA where you can hang with other queer students, and so on. 

Also monitoring your mental health is important because there's an ongoing low-level of stress that goes with being a queer student at BYU. If you need help, get into CAPS or Flourish and look at the possibility of transferring to another school, you may qualify for in-state tuition depending on several factors.

[dirtyrottenraskel]

my take on yueki's personalities

yue 

notes / personality

cocky (but also like understated confidence - r e g a l af) 

kind of a nerd

maybe a little entitled, and a little bratty and suki loves to indulge her or to rile her up depending on her mood

books

seems soft but made of steel

strong sense of duty

socially intelligent - can be manipulative and suki (the dork) thinks it is so hot 

aloof queen bee typa beat

supportive, both in ur day to day and in going after your big moral life goals 

deep water - steady and powerful, often underestimated

untold depths, private yet surprisingly nurturing - master of deflecting away from herself

political nerd - well read, and when she has someone she trusts not to take advantage of her, she goes OFF 

distrusting of most people, has been used and ignored and underestimated her whole life

patient - homegirl knows how to play the long game

excellent at pai sho / chess 

she and suki have epic battles of wits - dif types of strategy but both are really into it and get a little too competitive (multiple board games have had to be replaced over the years)

loves travel bc wasn’t allowed to much, esp when she was sick 

was super repressed growing up - never let her be herself or really have any sort of independence

used to sneak out and wander around in rebellion and casually sabotage plans and decisions she didn’t agree with 

introverted, many opinions but keeps them to herself, discreet but well spoken

weaponizes secrets and information - doesn’t often use it but...she could

definitlyyyyy worries and overthinks and re-evaluates - worries ab social politics a lot

obsessive about picking things - wants it to be perfect

shes growing into her confidence as a leader

prefers quite intimate places

incredibly romantic

classic lit

planner for the future - visionary

kind / sweet / gentle - yes, but that’s also her “front” to a degree (seriously, i feel like she gets painted as so sweet and submissive and one dimensional by the fandom a lot of times and it freakin kills me)

INFJ-T (The Advocate) ((yes this is from 16p which i know is not super accurate but u can still catch her overall vibes from it ya know)

Creative/insightful/principled/compassionate/altruistic

sensitive/reluctant to open up/perfectionist/prone to burnout/not a fan of the ordinary

friendships / relationships

(<> indicates that they’re one of her best friends)

sokka - puppy love crushes, laugh ab it now, get into deep late night talks about responsibilities and leading, water tribe culture, prank wars (no one believes sokka when he says yue is a mean prank master (expect suki comes to see it in action lol))

katara - <> badass women friendship, totally would go to matches and protests together, tough girl shit, waterbending practice/duels - start of cautious, but then get rough in a good way bc they trust each other, they do water tribe food adventures together

toph - indulges her chaos, bonding over stupid royal upbringings, odd yet weirdly endearing pair

zuko - both sort of standoffish gay royals, but once they come to see that they are friends - take up similar spaces though, so only hang out in a group or rarely by themselves, they do hang out at like political parties and stuff when they get more comfortable together

aang - <> he has an impressive world view, yue is super studied and well read, so she and aang nerd out over past cultures together, and also their peace keeping nature, they have tea together often - usually after she and katara wipe the floor w/ each other

clothing / aesthetic:

blues and pale colors

classy and understated wealth

like those cute feminine button down shirts

dresses

like cold weather classy

complicated braids

sort of soft girl aesthetic?

pleated skirts !!!

i feel like she would wear ethically sourced fur (i don’t wear fur but idk how to get it in an ethical way - maybe it’s just fake??)

knit sweaters and skinny jeans and heeled ankle boots

light academia !!!

hella funky earrings - to mark her native pride and also cuz gay

from my readings, tattoos have a lot of cultural significance for Inuit women, and so i feel like yue would totally have some (when she comes of age ofc) 

suki

notes / personality 

extroverted 

also very strategic 

more spontaneous tho - will totally calculate the odds in a spilt second in her head and then just go for it

like still a careful planner, but willing to say fuck it, yolo if it seems right 

reflects on her mistakes, but more in like a healthy way - unless it was a leadership mistake, then it eats her up inside - worries more ab keeping her girls safe and making the right call

likes lively places

total bashful romantic

manages the present and the short term - realist

loves to do lists 

a little punch happy - loves to make violent threats, but also does it out of excitement and she’s just a really physical person tbh

steady, can come off as stubborn and abrasive but she really just wants what’s best for everyone she loves

harsh on herself and worries about her girls a lot 

always ends up in the oddest situations 

totally would kick someone’s ass for being racist/sexist/homophobic/etc 

dedicated to her training and her regime 

not a great cook, but she can manage 

would drink monsters 

has a weird relationship with femininity - took her awhile to reconcile strength and toughness and being assertive and aggressive with also wanting to feel pretty and feminine and embracing being a girl and how those things can coincide and amplify each other

abandonment issues - parents absent/dead 

was imprisoned - obvi she had several almost successful escape attempts, but she got really close to breaking 

was incredibly independent really early, grew up really fast and tries to make up for that now by sometimes being reckless 

tough/assertive/woman of action 

dry sense of humor/sarcastic - not good at nickname/pun humor tho

practical/dedicated/strong-willed/direct/honest/reliable/loyal/patient

stubborn/judgmental/difficult to relax/difficulty expressing emotions/too selfless 

friendships / relationships

(<> indicates that they’re one of her best friends)

sokka - <>  man they’re like platonic soulmates - she beat him up, and now they spar all the time, totally funny and crack jokes all the time, go skating together, they do shitty art together, and then show their lovers after zuko and yue come back from their high society mixers, broke her out of prison, m/f friendship !!! 

katara - also sparring buddies (suki will throw down at any literally moment (and tbh so will katara)), not close but will hang in a group - go to each other for advice 

toph - <> listen these two wreak havoc together, they help each other out a lot, i feel like they’re shopping buddies (similar enough style to frequent the same shops) toph knows suki won’t judge her for wanting to feel pretty and suki knows toph will be honest, they are both blunt sarcastic assholes and get along like a house on fire 

zuko - <> shows zuko how to like,,,enjoy things (and how to let go of some of that pressure to be always right and the adult and in charge bc they were raised with so much responsibility on their shoulders even tho they were just kids)? she is also super protective of him (once she trusts him), one of the only ppl who can match suki fully in hand to hand combat, both do the Disappointed Parent Look when the group falls into chaos, but by themselves, the two of them end up in hijinks

aang- suki enjoys his optimism and they’re just chill bros, they love exploring abandoned placed together 

clothing / aesthetic

sporty and skater mixed 

ripped jeans, crewnecks, vans 

green and yellow and dark red 

gym clothes/athleisure - lifting style gym clothes - cut off t-shirts and bike shorts

skirts too, likes to play into femininity

she’s a gold jewelry kinda girl - but stuff that won’t hinder her movements 

necklaces that end in the hollow of her throat & occasionally rings

definitely cuffs all of her jeans (it’s just bisexual culture ya know)

so many crop tops - some came like that, some were more of a diy project

yueki’s relationship!!!

nerd/jock solidarity 

feel the burden of responsibility and the weight on their shoulders 

they create a safe space between them, full of trust and warmth and vulnerability 

yue will read suki sappy passages from poetry books while suki polishes her fans 

they slow dance in the kitchen a lot 

they get good at ordering takeout - and they have some weird decision making process that only they understand - bc neither of them are great cooks 

yue would feel jealous of suki and sokka, if it weren’t for how stupid in love sokka was with zuko and yue can see that suki really only has eyes for her 

yue is taller than suki and it amuses her to no end to pick suki up and carry her away from a fight (we all know suki could get away if she wanted to, but when ur hot tall sexy gf throws u over her shoulder,,,,,,u don’t complain)

joke they’ve adopted kataang and zukka, bc they’re all dummies, but in reality every last one of them is stupid LMAO 

they love to do each other’s hair and it’s like super intimate and really cute 

sometimes it’s these epic elaborate hairstyles and then at other times, they try to see how many ponytails they can fit on suki’s head and how many little braid yue can do 

they travel EVERYWHERE 

since yue is royalty and suki is her body guard,,,, well i mean, they totally have to see these kingdoms they are doing trade deals with in person 

it helps that they're friends with a lot of them 

they stay over in everything from camping so they can stargaze to ritzy hotels with hot tubs in the bathroom 

yue gives suki rocks she finds on all their travels and suki lines them up on their mantle around the pictures of them in increasingly weird locations 

suki loves guarding yue’s meetings bc she gets to watch her absolutely rip a new one into misogynistic old men and it never fails to bring her joy 

While yue doesn’t love getting attacked, the ruthless efficiency suki defends her with is like,,,,,stupid attractive 

[roxzania]

My Wisdom

So, I get asked quite frequently on my LGBTQ+ Roblox Community about a lot of LGBTQ+ stuff. It's kind of awesome to help people out on that platform, but also a bit risky since you can (and most likely will) get banned for saying positive things about the LGBTQ+ community. People who tend to say bad things are less likely to get in trouble compared to the people who are sending positivity, making avatar accessories, LGBTQ+ friendly "experiences", and so on. Overall, the outcome of the staff being really anti-LGBTQ+ (and I still have the emails telling me I cannot upload LGBTQ+ flag decals and accessories) has put a damper on my mood for the past few months. And in spite, I turned my old avatar accessory stuff into IRL merch. So they can suck it! | My DNI List | (mobile version)| With that said, I have quite a lot of questions from the group which is about 600+ people now. Still growing and lots of questions almost weekly, and really good questions that I wish I could explain more about. So... this is kinda what I'm going to do here. This is a butt load of Q&A;

I get this question quite a few times: What spectrum or umbrella is genderfluid classified as? Genderfluid can fit under many umbrellas and spectrums because of how fluid it is. The majority of the time, it's mostly labeled under the Transgender, Nonbinary, and Multigender umbrellas and spectrum. But it can include various other umbrellas/spectrums, including Agender, Xenogender, and Demigender (possibly even more) depending on how an individual feels about their gender identity. Of course, since it's a part of so many it can be considered on its own in a way. Again, it's all up to the individual, since everyone experiences it differently.

"If I went from demiromantic to akoiromantic in the span of a few weeks, and I sometimes feel less romantic than other times, would that be Aroflux?" Aroflux is when someone fluctuates across the aromantic spectrum and sometimes even into the alloromantic spectrum too. So, if someone were to feel their romantic attraction fluctuates mostly on the aromantic spectrum, Aroflux would be a term to describe that feeling. And it never has to be the entire aromantic spectrum, it can be specific terms or feelings instead. But I wholeheartedly recommend doing research on your own to figure out if you really identify with Aroflux or any other term. Sometimes reading through the aromantic spectrum list helps people.

"Is it normal to have multiple orientations?" Yes! And it's very valid! When most people think of multiple orientations, they think of the different attractions. For example, someone being Biromantic and Asexual. Or Demisexual and Lesbian. But you can also have multiple terms for the same kind of attraction! You can be mspec lesbian or mspec gay, those are valid (don't believe anyone who says otherwise)! People generally use multiple orientations to fill in the gaps one term may leave for them, as not everyone has the same definition or feeling for a term. The difference should be respected because it's important for some people and that matters the most!

"do you have any tips on coming out?" I've only come out to my closest family and all my friends pretty much know beforehand. But I know it depends on who you're trying to come out to. And age sometimes matters (like if your young and under guardianship still), because it's not very safe for youth to come out when their guardians are hostile towards LGBTQ+ members. Even though, I dislike letting people have to hide or feel fear of the idea... I do want to look out for people's safety. I don't want people to get hurt in any way. And sometimes waiting to come out is a better option. If you know your family is conservative, be a little cautious. Think about your plan of coming out. Maybe ask questions to get an idea of what they think about LGBTQ+. For example; "Do you know what Pride Month is?". Sometimes that sounds like your seeking answers to curiosity without outing yourself before you know their thoughts. I know a bit from experience, cause I'm still waiting to come out and some of my family is conservative. This is sort of my plan to work up the courage and know it's safe to come out to them. And as someone older and still hearing what family says, it sounds a lot different once you understand what they're talking about.

"I have been in the Nonbinary umbrella a while and I kinda think I am still a girl but I am not sure since I don't like the girl title on me..." It's up to the individual in the end. But also, pronouns do not equal gender. And gender does not equal physical appearance. So, if that's your main concern you are still valid no matter what gender identity you identify with. Dress how you want and use the pronouns that make you comfortable! But if you still concerned, I do again recommend some research. But there are many types of non-binary genders out there. You can even use multiple to define yourself! If it's an intensity fluctuation where you feel like a girl strongly at one moment but then not at all another moment, it could be similar to a Demigender. There's also Paragender, similar to Demigender which is to describe more of someone who feels more like one gender but there is still a small part of them that feels like another or a combination of others. But those are only two of the many many options out there! There are tons of genders that are feminine/female/girl-aligned, close but not quite feminine/female/girl, or even just a tiny bit feminine/female/girl-aligned, while also still being nonbinary in some way. Nonbinary is a rather large umbrella, so there is a big list to research and choose from!

This is a two-part question and I had a little help answering it with @orlan-the-sapphic on my group's wall. It was an awesome question and really interesting! "Can Demigirlfluidflux be a thing? Or am I just really indecisive? I'm really confused on which I am it's all mixed up for me" Orlan's reply: "I'm pretty sure it's possible. I mean there's already a term for Demifluidflux but without the girl or something female part. I mean you could probably make the term of the identity yourself if someone hasn't already if that's what you find for who you are or for others too". (I love Orlan's reply, couldn't have said it better myself). I definitely believe Demigirlfluidflux is a thing. I'd imagine it's probably a combination of Demifluidflux and Girlflux, or maybe Demifluidflux and Demigirl (possibly even all three?). I'm unable to find a definition for it, but it's probably similar to Demifluidflux but with female being static (stationary or main, not meant to mean strictly binary) gender alongside possible other genders and intensities. It would make sense since demigirl is a label based off of demigender but defines more of the female-aligned experience. But coming back to what Orlan said, if someone wants to they can make their own term. This might including making your own flag (whether it's a combination or completely new)! "I have another question... does Agenderfluix mean both fluid and flux with any gender? And if not is there a Agender term for being fluidflux with only demigirl and demiboy?" Agenderfluix, from my understanding, is mostly considered Agender however similar to how Fluidflux fluctuates in between different genders and different intensities. There are many ways for it to fluctuate and can experience many genders as it's a mixed term of Genderfluid, Genderflux, and Agender based off of the wiki page I linked. As for another term for Fluidflux, I couldn't find one with just demigirl and demiboy. I would imagine it's probably a mixed term like Agenderfluix. Maybe named something like Demibifluidflux? A mixture of Demigender, Bigender, and Fluidflux. It would be something I recommend searching up. If nothing pops up, again people can make their own terms to help identify themselves the way they want.

And last but not least; "Is it possible to just not identify as a gender? I find it annoying finding it out and I identify as Agender now, but I don't know if that will stick. My gender switches between most genders and then sometimes I don't identify as one..." That is a possibility and it's really up to the individual on how they want to identify or not identify. As someone who is Genderfluid, I often feel like this. Either I; switch between many genders, don't know what I am, only switch between certain ones most of the time, just don't want to deal with the hassle of figuring it out, or feel like nothing at all. There have been so many feelings about gender I've experienced over the past 4ish years of knowing I was Genderfluid, plus more before knowing (which was really confusing at first). And the thing about Genderfluid is that it's not always a broad spectrum. You can be specific genders throughout your entire experience, either fluctuate regularly or in the past. It happens to some people and that's okay! Sometimes it is just a hassle to call it something, so it's okay if you don't use a term. You don't need a label to be valid! Genderfluid is probably one of the broader terms to use when someone experiences a fluctuating gender. But there are of course many other types of fluctuating terms, including ones that describe intensity on top of fluctuation. Again (probably gonna say this a million times), something to look up on for yourself.

I found those questions rather neat to answer, plus I enjoy helping people out when I can. Remember; no matter if your identity or orientation changes over time, you're still valid! And you are the sole person in control of deciding who you are and how you want to label yourself (or even not at all)- Roxzania💙

[and-damntheconsequences]

Modern Merlin AU — With Gays and Churches

Slight CW for religious homophobia, and ofc I know that the majority of Christians are loving and beautiful people 💕

**

The Cast:

Uther: A firmly anti-gay pastor who is well known and mostly respected by the congregation and the community.

Ygraine: Uther's ex wife who divorced him after she found about an affair he had once had with a woman who named Vivian.

Arthur: Their son, who lives entirely with Uther and attends a religious school nearby.

Leon: Arthur's friend who also attends that school, who's parents have been going to Uther's church for years and years.

Merlin: A boy who recently joined the school after moving with his uncle, who teaches there. Also a closeted gay.

Gaius: An old friend of Uther's, a teacher at the school, and the only other person who knows about the affair.

Morgana: Uther's child from his affair with Vivian. She moves in with Uther when she's 10, since her mother can't financially support them both anymore.

Gwen: A girl at the school, who Arthur dates briefly in order to "prove" that he is straight.

Elyan: Gwen's brother, who lived with more distant family for a few years and has recently returned.

All other "round table" knights: New kids (they arrive at different times) who's parents have recently converted to Christianity and enrolled them in the school. Gwaine's family actually came from another church but he doesn't talk about that much, since he's not actually religious himself. Also Gwaine picks fights with homophobic teachers.

Kilgharrah: Either an angel, a demon, God Himself, or the school principal, I can't decide. Whichever he is, he occasionally pops up to give both Merlin and Arthur utterly useless life advice, in whatever form that takes depending on who he is. If he's somehow celestial, it's probably through sarcastic comments in dreams. If he's the school principal, he's just... That teacher that decides that stopping you in the corridor to Impart Words Of Adult Wisdom is a great use of everyone's time.

**

The Plot:

Uther becomes pastor at a church, and marries Ygraine. She disagrees with many of his views, but doesn't speak up about them, wanting to be a "good wife". That is, until she discovers that he once had an affair with a woman named Vivian and gave her a child. Ygraine then quietly divorces him and leaves, too afraid of making a fuss to try to get custody of Arthur. Uther tells everyone, including Arthur, that it was her choice to leave and that she willingly parted from the ways of the Lord. No one knows about the affair except him, her, and Vivian (and Gaius).

Arthur grows up with only Uther, not having many close friends, only Leon, who he's known his whole life and who's parents are also very religious. When Arthur is around 10, Vivian turns up on their doorstep, insisting that she has fallen into financial trouble, and cannot look after her child anymore. Uther takes Morgana in, insisting it was an act of charity on his behalf, and that Vivian was only an old friend. Everyone believes he is being a good samaritan, but secretly he hopes that if he "redeems" his child to the church, he may find redemption for what he did. Arthur and Morgana are the same age, and Uther begs Morgana not to tell Arthur the truth (threatening her for if she does), so he doesn't know she's his sister. They get on, mostly, but Arthur's a bit of a prat in lecturing her about God sometimes because he thinks that's how you make friends.

Anyway, a few years later, when Arthur is around 14, Merlin joins his school (they're roughly the same age here, Merlin only a few months younger.) He was sent to his uncle by his mother, since he came out to her and she didn't accept him. She wanted him to go to church and a religious school to "fix" him. He now lives with Gaius, and goes back into the closet for the time he's at school. He quickly becomes friends with Gwaine, who doesn't have many friends and is constantly in trouble for arguing with bigoted teachers.

Because he's really academic, Uther asks Gaius if it would be possible for Merlin to come round and help tutor Arthur in order to catch Arthur up with his studies, so Merlin starts coming around every Tuesday and Thursday. They slowly become friends, despite Merlin being quite rude, and Arthur having the most frustrating "holier than thou" attitude because he's the priest's son. Merlin develops a crush on him, and quickly gives up on trying to deny his sexuality to himself, but he can't tell Arthur, or anyone else.

In time, Merlin stops being so afraid of his own sexuality, and sneaks off to a pride parade and attends an LGBT group a couple of times. Gaius suspects what he might be doing, but says nothing.

When Morgana turns 16, she tells them all that she thinks she might be a lesbian. She's scared, but hopes that Uther may be understanding. Instead, he kicks her out, despite Arthur's protests that it isn't fair. She goes to live with some friends in similar situations, and over the next few months, cuts off Uther completely, changes school, and starts regularly attending LGBTQ+ events and just generally living her best lesbian life.

This makes Uther incredibly angry, and he takes it out on Arthur a lot, who starts going to Gaius and Merlin's after school to avoid him. He texts Morgana a bit, but is afraid to keep close contact with her, and still sees homosexuality as a sin. However, this whole situation has made him actually think about his own sexuality, and he's now afraid that maybe HE himself isn't totally straight. To prove that he is to himself, he asks Gwen on a date, but he can't ever truly like her, and she knows that.

At the same time, Merlin is trying to get rid of his crush on Arthur because he doesn't want to ruin that friendship, so he starts going to pride groups weekly, to meet others. He meets Will, a trans guy, and they almost date for a while, but Merlin can't commit to it because of his own feelings. Morgana happens to meet him there, and at first that interaction is a little awkward, but instead of pressuring him, she just gives him a hug, and tells him it's okay, she's learnt that now. She'll always be here for him if he needs to feel safe away from Uther/Arthur, or the school as a whole. He tells her that he hopes Arthur could be different from his father, and she says she hopes so, but she doesn't believe he would be — he seems to hate her too now. But that's okay. She's got a new family now. She's happy.

And then, eventually, Arthur comes to accept his own feelings, and Gwen does hers. He talks to Merlin about how he isn't sure if he's straight, and eventually they date, and then kiss. Gwen has a Bisexual Awakening™, and she reconnects with Morgana (they were friends before Morgana left) and they date too. Hunith (who's been having a side plot of researching things and learning and becoming a better, more accepting person) comes to stay with Gaius for a while, and tells Merlin she loves him, and will always love him no matter who he's with, and she's sorry she never said that before now.

When Arthur turns 18, his mother reaches out to him. She was too afraid to risk upsetting Uther and the church before, but she wants to know if he's okay. He's angry at her for all the years she was silent, and all the things he didn't know, and for leaving him, but in time, she tells him the truth. Morgana also tells Arthur the truth, knowing now that he doesn't blindly believe his father, and this won't tear a rift between them. Uther's affair is then revealed to the whole congregation, most of whom are appalled, and his reputation is ruined. The church gets a new pastor.

Some of the kids realise that they don't need religion to be valid and happy, and others realise that they can have both religion and love, and God can love them no matter who they are with. Both are okay, and everyone accepts everyone. They all live their best, gayest, cutest, and happiest lives.

***

Feel free to add stuff I love this concept. Also someone needs to write something like this and tag me bc I cannot write this myself — I'm incapable of managing the 3 fics I'm writing at the moment.

[wereallsaloonaticshere]

001 | for Eddsworld itself

Favorite character: All variations of Edd. He’s very versatile, because people write him as bubbly and quirky, as edgy and teasing, as childish and kind to his friends and his friends alone, etc etc. And you can do that reasonably because Edd has kinda weird characterization in the series, so you can basically do whatever you want, and pretty quickly make a character so far removed from canon that you just. Make him your oc. (which is what i did lol)

Least Favorite character: Mark, just because he doesn’t have that many lines, and it’s sort of the same situation that Edd has, but unlike Edd where his characterization shifts depending on the episode, Mark just doesn’t have any characterization at all. So it’s all the freedom of making it up as you go, but no, like...checkpoints? Nothing to tether you to anything? It’s like going on random name generator and trying to make a character from just that.You can only really assume his character based off his friends, but...it’s just not really as much fun. (I say this as if I don’t have long intricate hcs for fucking Marco for fucks sake).

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): Uh, I don’t really dislike any of them. I guess maybe milkman x hellucard, since both of them aren’t really noticed by Edd like they wish they were, so they both get with each other to “make Edd jealous”. then they grow frustrated that it’s not making Edd jealous, so they try to do that thing where they fall for each other instead, but then they realize they actually don’t like each other all that much and break up and go back to what they were doing before.

Character I find most attractive: I guess Eduardo, since I’m lowkey jealous of him for having facial hair. 

Character I would marry: Jon. I feel like he’d be nice enough. But really I don’t have anyone. 

Character I would be best friends with: I feel like if I had met Eduardo and the crew in high school we would’ve been friends, you know? Like I’m the new kid in town and they think I’m kinda annoying but we have something in common so we might as well keep hanging out. Then something happens and I have to open up about {redacted} and then Eduardo talks about being {redacted} and yeah we grow closer, in a way that isn’t, like, stronger than Jon and Mark, but pretty good. I think I’d find Mark to be annoying and pretentious, and Jon to be too much of a yes man. I’d bully him into dressing scene for a few days I think.

 I feel like something similar would happen with Edd and his crew, but I feel like I’d be too happy for them? I naturally smile a lot, so I feel like they’d kinda hate me. But Edd and I would probably like each others art.

 But anyways yeah if I met them now as a teen while they’re adults none of use would get along. 

A random thought: I’m worried about this all getting deleted before I have the chance to fucking post it. oh yeah also is mark being gay technically canon? like yeah he was near a gay pride flag in a comic strip but like...he wasn’t shown actually holding it? the flag was just in a place where it’d make sense for him to be holding it if he was? idk. i like the hc that hes gay i just don’t think it’s canon.

An unpopular opinion: uhh the thing i just wrote about mark. also jon is the softboy i wanted to be like in 7th grade that made everyone think i was a trender

My canon OTP: Eduardo and Laurel

Non-canon OTP: Eduardo and Jon / Edward and Thompson

Most badass character: Tord even though thats the obvious answer. i mean he shoots people for fun how much more badass do you get? i also wanted to be like him in 7th. a softboy flower crown twink who was always drenched in blood with a body count in the trillions.

Pairing I am not a fan of: eduardoxmark

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): all of them? none of them have great characterization. but especially tord, for more obvious reasons. (the end and shit)

Favourite friendship: matt and jon, i guess. jon and mark too.

[kaypeace21]

I have a question but I just want to say first that I love your theories. They’re very well thought-out and interesting. Anyway, I wanted to ask if you could explain how Mike is queer-coded? I’ve seen you mention it and I’ve seen others talk about his attraction to androgynous El, but is there more? Thanks!

ALOT MORE! I talked about it here in the past- but without getting too much into s3 (since I’ve already talked about s3 byler extensively).I’ll just have links for everything I noticed in s3 at the bottom of this post. In regards to s1 and 2, Mike was heavily coded as queer. But most significantly this was done in s1- arguably he was more queer coded than Will ever was. I won’t get into all the details (we’d be here all day) but the highlights, at the top of my head are-

s1

- Mike in his his basement has a red heart being propelled by a rainbow.

- 4 separate characters said El looked like a boy, but Mike doesn’t care! Even one of the men thought El might be the missing ‘Byers boy’. When El loses her wig , Troy said “she doesn’t even look like a girl” to the cops. But Mike just calls her “really pretty”

-Nancy says “I thought you were acting weird, but I thought it was because of Will” And Mike responds “I thought you were acting weird too I thought it was because of Steve … Do you like Jonathan now”?” Nancy: “No, do you like Eleven?”. They literally compared the explicit love triangle between Steve/Nancy/Jonathan to the Will-Mike-El dynamic!

- Mike literally uses gender inclusive pronouns when talking about crushes using the word “someone” (3 times), and embarrassing himself because he can’t articulate the difference between friendship and romance. When he could of simply given the 80s heteronormative  answer of ‘when a boy likes a girl’.

Mike: “ you go to school dances with someone. 

You know someone that you like” 

El: “a friend?”

Mike: ‘not a friend uh … uh someone like a” (gives up and kisses her)

-Mike’s mom said “ What’s been going on with Will, I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you. I just … want you to feel like you can talk to me. I never want you to feel like you have to HIDE anything from me” (she even emphasizes the word ‘hide”  (which is heavily queer coded)

- when Will ‘dies’, “we can be heroes” by David bowie (a bisexual singer) plays,   “And we kiss as though nothing could fall and the shame” is the lyric that plays when Mike returns to his house and cries in his mother’s arms over the ‘death’ of Will. Do I have to explain how ‘kissing and shame’ are queer-coded . And how such a lyric is oddly romantic- if we’re supposed to see their bond as nothing but platonic XD

-his dad jokes “Absolutely not” *turns to wife* “our son with a girl?”.

- when Lucas makes fun of his crush on EL, Lucas gets down on one knee  and says “ I love you so much, will you marry me?” and literally 1s later, we’re introduced to the bullies and the idea (for the first time) that Will is ‘gay’, and Mike is in the forefront of the scene and unlike his friends he is THE ONLY ONE physically assaulted (like a gay-bashing) .  They leave Lucas and Dustin unharmed. Even though Lucas just proposed to another guy- which should have gotten him a beating by the homophobic bullies.

It’s supposed to subconsciously hint Mike is queer like Will, and likes Will. The first interaction with the bullies, they mention Will being ‘gay’ right after they mention Mike’s crush on androgynous El and have a guy propose to Mike. Mike says to “ignore them” ( the homophobic remarks) but is assaulted anyways. And when asked what happed he doesn’t want to tell El the details cause he’s ashamed . 

2nd time the bullies talk about Will, Mike is once again in the forefront, unlike his straight friends who are in the background . But this time Mike initiates the confrontation), as the bullies say Will is “flying in fairyland with all the other little fairies. All happy and gay”. Mike was literally on the verge or tears at this comment (despite being happy a few moments earlier , telling the others to ‘act sad’ because they’d look suspicious other wise). But this is the comment where Mike snaps and pushes Troy back (because he took it personally/wanted to defend Will). 

The framing of Mike once again being in the front and snapping at the homophobic remarks (these gifs don’t do it justice, just rewatch the scene -Mike eyes water at the remarks). Then the last time the bullies appear , Mike jumps off the cliff and “flies like a fairy” (like Troy said) thanks to El . Troy at the police station even uses the word “fly” not levitate.

- Mike proclaiming “I’m the only one who cares about Will!” Seems like something a kid with a crush might say ( because obviously his other friends care about Will). But he thinks he cares the most.

-Mike sneaking out to find Will, as Steve sneaks in to Nancy’s. They both even make eye contact (and pretend not to have seen each other).

- they share dinosaur toys , in s1 and 2 they appear to be the only ones with dinosaur toys.

- The s1 mom hug scene where Mike feels he lost Will is paralleled in s3 - signifying how he lost him a 2nd time.

- Mike in the 1st ep being the one to insist on looking for Will in the rain (callback to s3). But he never went looking for El when he saw her through his window? Even when Mike saw Will’s dead body, the second he heard his voice he convinced his friends to help rescue him!

- You remember the binder (from s1) that Mike keeps, filled with 100s of Will’s drawings, and how he caresses the drawing after thinking Will was dead. That’s totes platonic.

s2

- Will in all 3 seasons identifies as a wizard. But in s2 Mike (the paladin) says Will is a cleric. Meaning this reflects how Mike actually feels about Will. In d&d, they have similar moral values, powers, and generally need and depend on each other in the lore of d&d. Paladins have similar healing powers to clerics, but clerics have stronger healing abilities - which is interesting since Mike has always been viewed as the protector. But to Mike Will has helped him (maybe deal with the loss of El and other trauma) , just by being there. And if Mike says Will is a cleric,despite Will still identifying as a wizard in s3, it shows how deeply Mike actually feels about Will. It shows he views Will as one of the only people who understands him and views him as a healing presence and his moral compass.

“ strength of conviction gave many paladins a sense of common fellowship but did not always endear them to others. In many cases, paladins did not get along quite as well with other non-paladin adventurers, with the exception of clerics with similar beliefs.”

“A Paladin tries to hold to the highest standards of conduct, but even the most virtuous Paladin is fallible. Sometimes the heat of emotion causes a Paladin to transgress his or her oath (of honesty, courage, compassion, honor ,and duty). A paladin who has broken a vow typically seeks absolution from a cleric who shares his or her faith or from another paladin of the same order. After a rite of confession and forgiveness, the paladin starts fresh.

-Mike stands next to Will under the rainbow poster

- Mike forces Will to dance with a girl, but you literally see Mike’s shocked expression like  ‘what,why’d I do that ?’ And after this, they show Dustin looking sad about Max/Lucas dancing and then they have Mike get into the frame (next to Dustin) and look sad when Will/girl are dancing in the same exact frame as Max/Lucas. As they switch between these 2 shots.

- All the mileven byler parallels or byler scenes were almost ALL initiated by Mike. If the parallels were meant to show a one sided love triangle (on Mike’s end). They would of made Will the instigator not Mike! Parallels can be watched here , start at 6:50)

-Mike initiated the “crazy together’ line- and in s3 he said ‘blank makes you crazy’. So subconsciously he knew the line had romantic connotations.

-Mike initiating the hand hold (with a zoom in shot) and in the show this is only done for romantic pairings. Also Mike being the one to initiate the ‘arm thing’ which is generally romantic. But in s3 , Lucas also does this, saying “I am spending quality time with my girlfriend’

-Mike saying, asking him to be his friend was the “best thing I’ve ever done”

-Mike constantly following Will around, asking if he’s okay or biking to his house to check on him. In s3 running out to chase Will to the garage and apologizing, and running into a storm to apologize a 2nd time.

YOU SEE A PATTERN! Mike is whipped! And is the one constantly chasing and pursuing Will, not the other way around! Before s3, people always portrayed Will as the (stereotypical- problematic trope of ) a sad-pinning-gay in a one sided love with Mike. It’s like people didn’t even watch the show (and just assigned tropes/stereotypes they wanted, that weren’t actually there). Will (probably too shy or scared to- because of homophobic taunts) never initiated a single byler moment- it was ALWAYS Mike!!! If people were actually objective, they would of thought it was Mike who was the one pinning! I talked about it here. 

We literally only saw Will pine or be jealous in s3 when Mike was in a relationship with El/when they fought.  

The cannon Spotify playlists

called ‘Mike’s basement beats’- These are character playlists that Spotify and St worked on together after s2.

-his first song is “small town boy” an 80s LGBT anthem about living in a small town and being queer and bullied. Every band member was openly gay.

-his 11th song is ‘don’t you want me’ from a “celebrate your gay pride” album

S3

I’m not repeating my literal essays so here are the links to pretty much all my s3 byler meta.  (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x)

- brief s3 mentions) it’s implied Will and Mike go on movie double dates all the time (right after he makes out with El). He celebrates the holidays (generally associated with introducing s.os) with Will/El. The breakup with El is treated comedically - and all Mike does is complain and burp on the couch. The byler breakup is serious (with the backdrop of rain)while Mike was visibly upset he hurt Will and apologized twice almost immediately . Running to the garage and then into the rain and banging on his door (s2 callback). The “it was the best thing I’ve ever done “ shed scene was shot purposely more romantic than the pool shed scene of “you’re the most important thing in the world to me”. The fact he think “blank makes you crazy”,and he used a similar line on Will in s2. The fact that Mike equates falling in love with girls as a part of growing up and his love for El as something “old people” say. While his affections for Will , he believes are childish (like d&d) and something he has to grow out of. The “I love her” scene was treated comedically. The last Mike/Will exchange vs Mike having his eyes open and not kissing El back . Not remembering he said “I love her”, and dismissing it as something he said in the heat of the moment. Mike looking back at the Byers house , then flashing to Will crying, than flashing back to Mike hugging his mom. Then those scenes having a monologue about not wanting feelings to change but how it’s inevitable.

Also we see in s3 (in El’s room) the return of the heart being propelled by a rainbow.

No hate, but I’m honestly flabbergasted when people think Mike is straight when he’s literally MORE queer coded than Will. Is it just my autistic brain seeing things as obvious, that others easily miss- or just people refuse to see it … or heteronormativity getting in the way?

gif credit : (not sure about the first 2, tell me if they’re yours so I can give credit), last 3 by  eggogorgon , the last gif by cath-avery

[ernmark]

I keep seeing a theory floating around that Peter is secretly dying. And that theory just doesn’t sit right with me. It feels off in a lot of ways. And I may very well be wrong-- I’ve been wrong in my own theories and interpretations before. But let me give you my reasoning here.

Like I’ve said before, Peter’s anxieties about aging and the future seem less in line with Ramses’ “I’m gonna croak any second” dialogue and more with my actor friend’s need to be young and beautiful.

RAMSES: Humility is for the young and the unambitious. Pussy-footing around the fact that I’ll soon be the most powerful man in Hyperion City only wastes the few breaths I have left. (Kitty-Cat Caper)

RAMSES: It doesn’t matter why you right your wrongs any more than it matters why I want to clean this city. Soon we’ll be dead, and corpses don’t have motives. The “why” dies with us. (Kitty-Cat Caper)

I am not as young as I once was. Every year I must retire another con that relies on younger men’s charms; every month my skin and options slacken. The decades of late-night research and eyes-wide-open have pulled more than exhaustion from me. It feels as if they have reached into the very marrow of my bones and siphoned away something fundamental -- something I won't ever get back. (Man in Glass)

It also mirror’s Julian’s anxieties about aging. Because he, too, feels like his livelihood depends on being pretty. 

PRINCE: Well, look at me, then. No, don’t. We’ve gotten so old, Juno! How did we let it happen? I’d always thought… well, I thought what all young people think, the fools: that aging was just for other people. (Prince of Mars)

Also:

He reacts really strongly to the Curemother Prime.

NUREYEV (NARRATOR): I realize I’ve been talking for some time, and I am sweating. I wonder if I’m growing feverish, until I see my fingers shake. I’m just… excited. (Man in Glass)

But only the second time. Remember, he’s heard this spiel before, but he wrote it off as unimportant. If he himself was fighting off illness, the prospect of being no longer ill wouldn’t be disregarded so blatantly. 

Also, he flat-out says it’s excitement. He’s a thief, and prides himself on being a fantastic one. And this right here is literally the mother of all scores. We see a similar response when he sees another valuable mark in the Globe of Reaches Far:

Just looking at it I can feel old habits work in my fingertips, the desire to pluck it and disappear out some window slick as shadow... (Man in Glass)

Now don’t get me wrong, I do think that this has some personal stake for him. 

Despite my coolness, part of me has clung to the legend of the Curemother Prime. A vulnerable part of me; one I have tried to eradicate many times. (Man in Glass)

Possibly someone he loved got sick. Maybe this is a resurfacing of that moral core that he wanted so badly to be rid of-- after all, what is more moral than trying to cure all disease ever?

But I don’t think it’s a matter of survival for him.

Also, Buddy and Vespa have already seen Peter’s blood work. 

BUDDY: Vespa's blood tests on you are clean-- NUREYEV: I don't recall giving any blood-- BUDDY: -- and therefore you can't be spending your earnings on biochemical thrills. (Man in Glass)

Yes, they were looking for illicit substances, but if he was dying of something, that would be fairly evident on a blood test.

Yes, lying is always an option. But I’d like to point out:

Peter is more shocked by the thought of having a traceable calling card than he is by Vespa looking at his blood sample

Despite having seen his blood, Peter’s lack of liquid assets still isn’t obvious. If he was sick, it would be.

Buddy and Vespa are both ill with radiation poisoning. If there is one thing they’d be looking for, it would be another terminal illness.

But there’s also points I’d like to make from an outside, writerly perspective.

On the one hand, we’ve already done characters who were secretly dying with Ramses, and we’ve got characters who are chronically physically ill with both Buddy and Vespa (not to mention Marc or Vivian). Those angles have been and are being done, and will continue to be done in other ways with other characters in the future. 

In mainstream media, the few representations of queer characters we get tend to skew toward coming out stories, which tend to focus on teens or early-twenty-somethings. Seeing an older queer character aging-- and coming terms with aging-- is a big deal. Especially in a population where a lot of people never thought they’d live to see thirty. I think that’s a valuable story that needs to not be disregarded. 

But most of all-- and I’ve been dancing around this for a very long time now-- there’s something incredibly uncomfortable about the idea of the show’s central gay man having Space AIDS. Because that’s what this would be. And let’s be real here: the mainstream queer stories that aren’t about coming out are about dying of AIDS-- to the point where a substantial number of queer young people thought that existing as a gay person was how you get the disease. 

Don’t get me wrong-- it’s an incredibly important story to tell, and to tell well. There are ways to do it well. And if there was any crew that I could trust to do it right, it would be this one. 

But the trope is weighed down by so much intense baggage that I don’t think they’re going to make it Peter’s story. 

[quirkless-and-embarrassed]

Regarding the character ask meme: I'd love to see your take on Tamaki!

HE IS ONE OF MY FAVES. As you can probably tell by my icon. I’m sorry this took me so long, but I couldn’t resist beginning the new season as I was working on this, aaand geeking out over the anime took up more time than I thought 😂

Answers under the cut because I could not resist including lots of images and because whoa this really got away from me. Spoilers for season 4 of the anime!

Favorite things about him:

tl;dr adorable+disaster+badass = instant KO

i. He’s never believed that the quirk makes the hero. Granted, it’s from his own insecurity that he believes that, but even when Mirio’s quirk was a liability, Amajiki looked up to him as a great hero. It’s especially refreshing to see because everyone else places so much emphasis on what their quirk can do.

ii. Also, his insecurity. Amajiki describes himself as a plain, boring person so terrified of failure that his brain goes blank when he even considers it. He’s not blush-y or stutter-y or those other tics associated with cutely shy characters—his face is kinda awkwardly inexpressive…he actually looks constipated when he attempts to address class 1-a during his debut…and I get a sense of stillness from him, like someone who freezes up instead of fidgeting. But he’s not fishing for encouragement. He’s likely to bluntly, unhappily shoot down any attempt to praise him because that makes the pressure even worse! No “thank you for believing in me, I’ll do my best,” no, “oh you’re too kind, that’s not true,” he’s like: “no, just…no. shit. what now? I’m not Mirio.”

iii. His relationship with Mirio. What he admires most about Mirio is how, when he goes down, Mirio always rises back up—like the sun—filled with warmth instead of with self-recrimination. He draws people in and fills them with energy. Amajiki painfully believes he isn’t capable of any of that, but he trusts Mirio, and Mirio tells him that there’s plenty of warmth to him even if Amajiki can’t sense it in himself, and even if Amajiki is filled by fear at the idea of failure, he, too, energizes Mirio when he faces his problems anyways. They talk, build each other up, and accept each others’ feelings. Amajiki still wants to be like Mirio (cue “imitation is the sincerest form of…”), but he’s learning that even though he’ll never be Mirio, he and Mirio are alike in the ways that matter most.

iv. it’s as gay as the day is long.

v. How steadfast he is. Given his anxiety, it’s not immediately obvious, but Amajiki’s doubts and insecurities center on his capabilities and self-worth—not on his principles or about what needs to be done. When he’s worried about something, he doesn’t even try to hide it, there’s something very forthright and grounded about the way he struggles to confront the current obstacle.

vi. He’s such a goofball when he’s alone with Mirio. Here he is pretending to sever his thumb. Look at that smile. And Mirio’s habit of pumping his arms when he’s excited is nearly as cute.

vii. His hero name is awesome. Suneater. Talk about names that represent your ideal self…

viii. Amajiki doesn’t win his battle against Overhaul’s thugs by discovering his confidence and whipping out a super move (which, incidentally, he attempts via flashback+miritama feels and it fails resoundingly). He wins with the power of friendship, but it’s not the typical Power of Friendship spiel.

He fights three side-characters whose names I never remember, so I call them the garbage trio: theft quirk guy (similar to how Amajiki “steals” the forms of what he eats), a guy who manifests crystals, and gluttony guy. Funnily enough, the three have terrible self-esteem issues! They’re fanatically loyal to Overhaul because he’s willing to use them as sacrificial pawns, and being a pawn is better than being rejected as garbage (which each has as his tragic past).

So the narrative presents Amajiki with two types of bonds. Will he identify with the trio’s loyalty to Overhaul, founded on their sense of worthlessness? Or will he identify with their loyalty to one another, founded on their empathy for each others’ tragic pasts? Essentially: what kind of relationship does he have with Mirio?

It’s not even a contest. Amajiki immediately and fully rejects the Overhaul-brand loyalty as brainwashing and focuses on the bond he understands, the “friends don’t eat friends” bond.

So Amajiki recognizes his opponents’ humanity when even they couldn’t. Even though they thought of themselves as nothing more than Overhaul’s tools, Amajiki intuited that the bonkers guy who shouts “eat! eat! eat!” wouldn’t bite his crystal friend when Amajiki used him as a shield. In doing this, Amajiki proved that their lives have more value to each other more than they ever will to Overhaul. He explicitly praises them for trusting each other—something they can take pride in because they forged it themselves—and ultimately removes their masks, symbolically freeing them from Overhaul’s ownership.

It was a cool idea because usually I see the protagonist summon up reserves of power he didn’t know he had in order to protect his comrades, but when Amajiki was inspired by remembering how Mirio believes in him, it doesn’t actually work because the garbage trio calls on their own bond to counter his power-up. Or usually it’s the antagonist who turns the protagonists’ love for each other against them, and here it was reversed. Except Amajiki used their friendship against them not out of contempt for their bond, “oh your love makes you so weak and predictable,” but out of respect for it, “love is what makes you strong, and I know that because it makes me strong, too.”

ix. His weird, pointy ears.

x. His dub voice acting: it’s stellar. Props to Aaron Dismuke, highly recommend watching his episodes in the dub.

Least favorite things about him:

His first name, Tamaki. It just never sticks in my mind—Amajiki is much more distinctive. (Apparently I have some sort of big three mental block, because I can rarely remember Mirio’s and Nejire’s last names, either.)

He didn’t really grow or learn anything from his fight against the garbage trio. He was already confident in his bond with Mirio, and the whole reason he volunteered to fight the trio was that he thought he could win, so it was basically a high-stakes training exercise in sticking to his guns. I think the purpose of the fight was to teach the audience that he and Mirio are a positive foil for bakudeku, providing another way Mirio is superior to Midoriya + amping Mirio up before his tragedy-slash-victory, so it’s a shame Amajiki’s most major scene wasn’t about himself.

I wish he had more screen time, I wish he had more development, I wish we got his reaction to Mirio losing his quirk, I wish had scenes with more characters than just Mirio, Kirishima, and Fat Gum, etc. The usual gripes about faves who are side characters.

Favorite lines:

Ch132 – I love how forthright he is lol. No attempt to put up a strong front.

Ch132 – When the thug Amajiki’s fighting shouts at him, his feelings are hurt 😂 also bonus for kiri trying to comfort him

Ch135 – cool as a cucumber

And two I won’t include the panels for…

His badass line in 141, “I might not understand your rage. Your grief. Everything that led you here…but I know all about solid bonds! And my friends don’t use each other! Because friends don’t eat friends.”

and when he collapses after beating the garbage trio:*THUD* Huh…why’s the floor so close to my face?doofus

BROTPs:

Kirishima!! His pep talks to Amajiki while they were on patrol were really cute. I can only imagine how he handles Kirishima and Tetsutetsu! He’s totally the third wheel, and normally he’s happy to be! But sometimes he watches the two hype each other up and gets depressed about it because he’s never that positive and encouraging. Sometimes Fat Gum leaves Amajiki in charge and it seriously stresses him out because Tetsutetsu occasionally charges off to do his own thing and it’s a whole ordeal to rein him in.

And oh shit, Nejire’s personality is just as cute as Amajiki’s, I’d love to see more of the two of them hanging out. (and just…more of Nejire in general, please. Her debut was so funny and then Horikoshi did nothing with her.)

In class-a, I’m curious to see how Amajiki and Yaoyorozu would get along. They’re both gifted students with confidence issues and quirks that depend on eating, so it would be nice to see them hit it off. I’d also be interested to see Amajiki and Bakugo interact, especially with Kirishima there.

Also, since Amajiki has such a preoccupation with exuberant, confident people, I’d love to see him somehow meet Inasa.

This isn’t a brotp, but I’ll bet Nighteye intimidated the shit out of Amajiki… Mirio told Amajiki endless anecdotes about Nighteye but it didn’t work, till the day he dies Amajiki will still get clammy any time he thinks of Nighteye’s glare or the purported tickle machine.

Again not a brotp, but I’d love to see Amajiki vs. Shigaraki. That sounds like an awesome fight. (…ideally before Shigaraki gets all OP and only Midoriya can beat him.)

OTP:

Mirio.

NOTP:

Nobody comes to mind.

Random headcanons:

Most of the food Amajiki eats goes into his quirk; he doesn’t properly extract its caloric and nutritional value, and if he’s not careful, he could accidentally become malnourished. (It also makes it difficult to put on muscle.) So he eats a ton, to make sure he has enough to fuel both his quirk and his body, and he’s self-conscious at how much more he eats than other people.

When Amajiki vomits, his quirk is weakened to the point it’s basically null. He has to take a break and chow down before he can use it again. …Re-ingesting the puke is…not an option.

Clothing is a big issue for his hero work. He could develop a really powerful fighting style, one that involves producing limbs from his back and torso, if he were willing to wear a little less…but that’s never going to happen. Mirio can run around naked, but Amajiki can’t!

I don’t know if this is a translation quirk or fanon or what, but I adore it when Nejire calls Amajiki “chicken-hearted” in fanfiction. It’s a short, cute joke about his quirk and I wholeheartedly hc it. I also think Amajiki is closer to Nejire than Mirio is.

Amajiki doesn’t deal with his self-esteem issues by minimizing his challenges. He doesn’t make cheap compromises like, “ok, I know I can do this because it’s so easy even someone like me can do it.” He goes for broke, for being the spectacular hero Suneater, because even if he can’t perceive his own positive qualities, he believes that they’re there.

One of the (many) reasons Amajiki admires Mirio is that Mirio admires him, and Amajiki wants to be able to like himself, too.

When it comes down to it, his self-worth is nowhere near as desperately poor as the garbage trio because he knows true friendship. Maybe if he’d never met Mirio, Amajiki would have been susceptible to their sort of devotion, but now he never will be because Mirio’s encouraged him to value himself. Amajiki won’t accept a bond that relies on degrading yourself—which is important to know, since Amajiki constantly compares himself to Mirio. But Amajiki’s sense of inferiority is chronic without being proportionately deep. He adopted the name Suneater to declare himself Mirio’s equal, and his climactic line of the garbage trio battle, “friends don’t eat friends,” is one that asserts equality and puts his quirky spin on it to show he’s made the principle his own. Amajiki may not like himself but he doesn’t let it get in the way of taking his place as Mirio’s peer.

Amajiki’s parents are also anxious people.

Mirio is his neighbor at the UA dorms. It’s perfect because Mirio can permeate their the shared wall and they can hang out after curfew. (Mirio keeps a pair of sweatpants in Amajiki’s room for those occasions lol.) Nejire is jealous and always talks about gate-crashing, but she never gets around to it. Even after Mirio loses his quirk, his sweatpants stay in Amajiki’s room because neither of them can quite bring themselves to give those times up.

I am a sucker for making characters’ quirks reflect something fundamental about their hearts, so here’s my take on manifest. Amajiki manifests what he eats, meaning he absorbs from his environment and re-creates it in his own style. It’s not imitation, since Amajiki with one cow hoof and one tentacle, kicking ass, resembles neither a cow or an octopus, but he takes the best from what’s around him and reinvents it. “Suneater”? Thanks to how his friendship with Mirio gave him a stable, nourishing environment, he’s absorbed his favorite of Mirio’s traits and manifests them in his own way, as his own strength, because as even name of his quirk implies—manifestation makes latent qualities visible.

Like Bakugo, Amajiki could have resented Mirio for his strengths; like the garbage trio, he could have let his failures convince him that he’s worthless; but Amajiki consistently makes the best of the cards he’s dealt, even though it involves plenty of doubt and self-flagellation that could lead him down a darker path…but don’t. He’s greater than his demons.

Unpopular opinion:

Amajiki’s shy, but…not that shy. He gets like stiffly shy.

Amajiki still has a ways to go before he’s ready to date Mirio. (Not sure what’s the popular opinion on this.)

I really wish class 1-a versus Mirio had been class 1-a versus Mirio and Amajiki. It would have been so cool to see what amazing teamwork they had and how their quirks were compatible.

Song I associate with him:

Titanium—absolutely. I like the versions by Sia, Boyce Avenue, and Kurt Schneider (I couldn’t choose). Circles by Veela reminds me of his spiraling anxiety. And, I can’t resist, so I’m adding Chasing the Sun by The Wanted on here.

Aaand my ship songs…Appreciated by Rixton, and All of Me by John Legend.

Favorite picture of him:

Ch141 – Ironclad certainty. I’m not even gonna apologize for the dimensions and the fact this is huge, just drink it in.

Ch132 – If this isn’t the cutest thing you’ve ever seen, I will never trust your judgment.

Ch152 – Unless it’s because this is the cutest.

Ch152 – When Mirio loses his quirk 💔

I’ve also answered these questions for Todoroki, Bakugo, Uraraka, Endeavor, Sir Nighteye, and Shinsou!

[normal-thoughts-official]

Ok uhhh claia, lukemaryse and malec superhero au headcanons

first of all, id just like to say that i love this new trend of u guys sending me really vague prompts and giving me complete creative freedom to do whatever i want with them. i think it really shows that u trust me to create good, interesting content, and that means a lot to me. second of all, that trust is entirely misplaced. why would you ever think that id make something good. have you met me. what im trying to say here is basically: this is your own fault

behold:

In a world where everyone has a superpower, the world is bound to work a little different. No one knows what determines people's superpowers; some are fairly common (like teleportation, which led to a lot of ppl working as cabs, taking ppl to and from wherever they need) and others are unique and particularly powerful (and also dangerous, which is why particularly powerful people are part of an elite squad dedicated to keep the world safe; our very own superheroes)

Alec's superpower is definitely unique: he can sense trash. That's it. Hes just going around, living his life, sensing trash. He knows when people are littering. He can sense it from a pretty far away distance. Everywhere he goes, he knows where all the trash cans are. His life is just. Him and the trash, everywhere, haunting him

No one's ever heard of this before. Alec's mom, maryse, can bend all four elements, and is part of the Elite Squad; so is his father, although he retired from action and works behind a desk now. His sister izzy has superspeed and was trained to perfect combat in the hopes she would follow their footsteps, but ultimately decided to give it up and become a biologist instead. And Alec. Can sense trash

This was the source of a lot of Family Drama, since alec's parents were pretty strict and held their position as elite superheroes with pride, expecting nothing less from their children. But after many years of trying and failing to somehow make up for it, Alec decided to say fuck them and fully embraced who he is, refusing to live in apology. Once he finally left their house to live on his own, maryse realised he meant wanting to cut them off his life for real, and came around. Robert's lack of understanding was one of the factors that led to their divorce

Alec became an architect and works to build better and efficient waste collection systems in the country. Due to his power, he knows which places need the most infrastructure investment, as well as the problems that lead to the littering. He also knows which companies are illegally discarding their waste and how, the exact effects of that on the environment, and a lot of stuff that would otherwise only be possible through extensive research. He is an activist for both a better public, free, universal waste removal system, and stricter regulations on companies that profit from environmental destruction.

And the thing is, he likes this life. He's passionate about it. Everyday at work he gets to do a little something to make the world better and fight against injustice and use his place of privilege that comes from his education and his so-called "useless" superpower for change. He wouldn't trade it for the world and he's really passionate about what he does, even if it does take up most of his time

So when his mom comes in one day saying that a new villain named Trash Man is going around and killing people and they need his help to track him, Alec is not. amused.

First of all: Trash Man? come on

But he kind of has no choice, since this is top priority at the moment and the very ministery of security is calling him or something - every citizen is required to register their powers so they know exactly when they're needed

So he goes, and for the first time, he meets the rest of his mom's Top Secret team; first of all, there's the leader, Luke: his power is persuasion and hes very good at de-escalating events to guarantee minimal damage and better solutions, making him the most valuable asset of the team. Then there's Maryse, and under them, a team of relatively young, but very powerful, heroes: maia, a shapeshifter; clary, who can summon weapons and is very good at Stabbing; and Magnus, who can bend time and space

Magnus is also kind of the Group Genius; his power also got him an special interest in physics and chemistry, meaning that he is not only able to use his power intelligently and creatively, but effectively enhance it; he's also very good with tech and responsible for a lot of their non-power-related assets. Honestly, he likes that part way better than the crime-fighting blah blah blah, but he kind of has no choice over what he does because he's an orphan and extremely powerful, meaning he's viewed as a threat by the government while simultaneously being dependant on them, and would pretty much have nowhere to turn to if he didnt start working for them

But really, he wants to be a scientist. He wants to do good things. He wants to create stuff that will make people's lives, and the world, better. He doesn't even believe in this whole "crime fighting" shit; he believes in a just world crime would be minimal and using their resources to fight bad guys instead of working on crime prevention is an absolute waste. But it's not like anybody asked for his opinion.

Alec and Magnus immediately hit it off; Alec was kind of tense at first because surely these guys would have the world's hugest chip on their shoulder, right? But instead everyone welcomes him, and Magnus kind of jokes that he envies him, which takes him by surprise

Because Maia and Clary are both Magnus' great friends as well, Alec also gets closer to them; Clary can be a little self-centered and annoying, but she's cool and Maia always calls her out on it. Maia is a fierce, amazing, smart girl and Alec can totally see why she and Magnus are so close, with their similar sense of humor, shared experiences (Maia is not an orphan but she ran away from home when she was pretty young), and gleaming, almost mischievous intelligence and talent. Alec can hold a conversation with them alright, since as an architect he needs quite some knowledge of physics and as an activist he can also hold pretty good and deep conversations with them about the system and its flawed, unjust logic; but there are some topics they get into that just kind of escalate and seem to get them in their own little world. Alec finds himself watching from the sidelines sometimes, and while he admires that - and doesnt miss the way clary will sometimes sit beside him and watch them as well, a small smile on her face that tells him everything he needs to know - he finds himself... a little upset by it, too

Not that he has a problem with them, but he finds himself wanting to feel like he belongs, and that's kind of- new. It's not like his life is a sad wet sock of loneliness or anything, he has his sister, he has some friends, but he's a private kind of guy and he finds himself more comfortable at the sidelines than the spotlight, except when it comes to his work, because hes good at that

It's just his luck, then, that Trash Man turns out to be really smart and hard to track due to [vague plot noises], giving him all the time he needs to, well, figure this out

So he spends more time with them, particularly Magnus. The both of them will sometimes sit talking for hours, and soon learn a lot about each other. Magnus listens, enraptured, whenever Alec goes on a passionate Trash Rant™ and Alec is always in awe by Magnus' smart solutions. They begin some sort of camraderie that's also laced with Magnus' oh-so-smooth flirting, which started strong and eventually died out as Magnus began to realize he really liked Alec and his usual confidence and devil-may-care attitude vanished. But Alec mistakes this as Magnus losing interest or him seeing things. Cue lots of mutual pining

At least once Alec gets thrown through a wall by some villain; but, little did he know, it wasnt just a normal wall that he broke; it was the fourth wall. Alec looks straight into the reader's eyes, and goes: "I can sense trash. That's why, in this AU, i was never friends with jace". Then Magnus comes in and takes him back to the other side of the wall, and Alec blinks, confused, not remembering what had just happened. This is never mentioned again

Idk theres some gay shit in here, Alec introduces Magnus to Izzy and Magnus is absolutely in awe with her work. Izzy specializes in pollinators and works trying to restore the bee population and guarantee a more sustainable environment. Her work crosses with Alec's a surprising amount of times, and Magnus, who loves both animals and the incredible amount of knowledge her research requires, and they become super good friends almost immediately, which makes Alec very pleased.

More gay shit, Alec and Magnus decide to team up to try and get Clary and Maia together, only to be knocked sideways when they find out they're already dating. Maryse is like "do the four of you ever work" and Alec is hit with the realisation that his mom, too, kind of lives in the sidelines when it comes to things that arent work; luke seems to be kind of the mediator between her and the rest of the team, which is kind of sad. She does seem to have a good relationship with Luke, tho

Eventually they defeat Trash Man and Alec is no longer required to work for them and can go back to his trash activism; and when he does, so does Magnus, who is invited to work with izzy's team, which he gladly accepts

Somehow Alec confesses? And Magnus is in awe because he of course never expected Alec to like him back but. It turns out Alec is the most confident out of the two of them despite their exterior telling most people otherwise. And Magnus just says that yes he likes him back and will go out with him and they kiss passionately in the middle of the lab surrounded by bees but there are also flowers so theres that. And then they get married. I mean not right after but some years later

Magnus leaving inspires the rest of them, in some ways; Maia, Luke and Maryse start actually fighting to change the crime fighting policies to investment in crime prevention because new supervillains will always keep coming. The romantic tension between them finally snaps and they start going out. Maryse seems like such a different person now, more open and happier. Alec is pleased

They save the bees and the trash and the impending environmental apocalypse that looms over us is avoided idk that's all Ive got

Again this is your fault

The end

[catboyfeli]

even though i don’t identify as a cis girl anymore, i’m still so fucking passionate about atypical cishets? because god, back when i ided as a cis girl, i constantly felt like shit for my attraction to men being abnormal and more similar to gay men’s experiences.

people think being cishet is fitting into cisheteronormativity but? it’s not??? cishets who crossdress, present gnc or androgynous, behave gnc or androgynous, feel a disconnect from their gender due to not fitting into gender roles, relate more to the opposite sex, face misdirected homo/transphobia, take on the opposite gender role in society/relationships, etc. exist.

because like? gender isn’t just “oh i identify as my agab, being a male, so i fit into the male gender role” nor is it “oh i’m a masculine woman but i still fit perfectly into the female gender role despite how different my experiences are from most women”

i’m just so passionate about this and i wish it was a more well known issue. it makes me hate the hate towards straight and cis people in lgbtq spaces even more than i already did. i think maybe that’s also part of why so many young people id as nonbinary now, because being cishet is “wrong” and “easy” even though being queer at all would make you lgbtq, even if you’re not trans or sga/ssa.

i just wanna give gnc cishets all the love in the world because they fuckin deserve it and shouldn’t feel pressures to id as something they’re not to get ACTUAL support. gnc people experience things so differently from gender conforming people, and there’s no support for cishet ones and that saddens the hell out of me

just? imagine being a very feminine cishet man who gets bullied for ‘being gay’ and struggles to find a woman who’s open to dating him when he takes on the feminine role in a relationship? and presents and behaves femininely? maybe gets mistaken as a girl depending on how he presents? doesn’t relate to the typical ‘male’ experience? relates more to womanhood despite identifying as a man? imagine getting no support for this? imagine being treated the same as your oppressors even though they oppress you as well, just in different ways? imagine being shunned out of queer spaces despite being queer just b/c you’re not lgbt, even though lgbt and lgbtq aren’t the same thing?

i use men as an example since gnc women are a LITTLE more accepted than gnc men, but only a little bit.

...maybe i’m too empathetic. idk. maybe i’ll make a blog for it. idk. i just know how i felt when i identified as a cis girl, and how i still feel now due to my lingering connection with being female, and it’s so isolating and makes you fucking hate yourself. i mean, i was/am bi, but my attraction to men was just so atypical, meanwhile my attraction to women wasn’t, and it felt like i could never talk about it or else i was ‘actually straight uwu’ and no one would understand anyway. no one understands nOW what it’s like to be attracted exclusively to feminine, gnc, queer, etc. men and how different it is from being attracted to the average man, how different it is as a female to be attracted exclusively to those types of men (types who are usually gay and therefore not into you), esp when hetero attraction is shit on by the lgbtq community lol, even if that attraction doesn’t conform to the standard (which would be queer by definition, but y’know)

i just hate tumblr and lgbtq culture’s way of acting like hetero attraction and experiences are all the same and all fit into the cisheteronormative mold, cause lemme tell you, i would’ve fucking killed to have gotten some hetero content i could ACTUALLY relate to and enjoy, esp without people saying it’s “””lesser””” than gay content lol. oh and let’s not forget how i could never talk about this without people saying “shut up straightie you have tons of content” like :))) genuinely fuck you.

even now, i can’t help but wonder if i’m really nonbinary or just subconsciously started identifying as such to feel more valid in my experiences. is my dysphoria gender related or do i just feel a disconnect from my gender due to the things i listed above???

a m/f relationship doesn’t inherently conform to cisheteronormativity!! a m/f relationship can be queer and you genuinely cannot change my mind on that!! i want content of a very feminine gnc man dating a very mascuilne gnc girl!! like a ‘twink’ dating a ‘butch’ for example!! that’s all i want god dammit!!!!!! maybe they even get mistaken as a gay couple sometimes who knows!!! and if you don’t like me using the word queer then pretend i used atypical instead!! the point is that atypical cishets deserve!! pride and support!!! and REPRESENTATION!!

i dunno. if anyone actually read all this and wants to help out with a blog for some gnc support/positivity then let me know. it’d be geared towards cisgender people who experience atypical heterosexual attraction, but be for anyone gnc in the end. i’m just... very passionate about this. it’s one of the things i’m most passionate about due to my own experiences, and i don’t really feel comfortable in the lgbtq community due to all of this shit. i don’t like my experiences, feelings, and struggles being erased. i don’t like m/f relationships being seen as inherently cisheteronormative. i don’t like cishets being shit on. i don’t like there being no representation for queer/atypical m/f couples. i don’t like there being no support for these people when!! they deserve it!! and belong at pride just as much as anyone else!!!!

when i say straight people deserve pride, i’m not referring to your typical straight person. i’m referring to the different ones, the ones that don’t conform to binary gender norms, the ones that face misdirected homo/transphobia, the ones that are queer, the ones that give a big “fuck you” to cisheteronormativity. and no, this does not mean that i think a guy liking pink would be queer; that’s not what i’m saying at all. liking things that are girly is different from being gnc. liking baking and clothes designing is very different from being a man who navigates society and relationships differently due to not conforming to the ‘male’ gender role.

not conforming to gender roles and being nonbinary are different but similar and valid things. i just... yeah. i could go on for hours, but i won’t. i just hope maybe someone out there understands what i’m trying to say. i want to make a difference and end the idea that cishets all conform to cisheteronormativity and don’t belong at pride. because yeah, ofc your typical cishet doesn’t need pride, but atypical ones? they’re more than deserving of it. they deserve to be proud in a society that shits on them for not adhering to their strict standards of how a person is ‘supposed’ to be. maybe i can turn ‘atypical cishet’ into a term, idk. i just want atypical cishets and those who experience atypical hetero attraction to have a community. maybe i could make a blog like that, too?

god i spent over an hour typing this up you can tell i’m passionate about it esp considering no one’s gonna read it (and if they do, will just get mad probably lol)

[margridarnauds]

for the otp ask meme: ronan/peyrol and/or bres/sreng; 2, 9, 15

Thanks!

2. How do they wake up next to each other? 

For Lazare and Ronan, it depends on the night. In the very early days, Lazare very rarely stuck around long enough for Ronan to really wake up to him, being gone at least an hour or so before daybreak, when Ronan tends to gets up. As time went on and he realized that it was important to give Ronan attention/affection, he grew to like it, liked the stability of having Ronan THERE and knowing that he was. Sometimes, they’ll fall asleep with Ronan settling his head into Lazare’s neck and they wake up like that. (And then the first thing Lazare’s aware of is Ronan playing with his hair, which he is never willing to admit that he likes.) Sometimes, one of them has a nightmare (generally Lazare, but as time goes on, Ronan gets his demons as well, and more than his fair share of ghosts) and startles, generally needing a little bit of time to relax before they try to go to sleep again. Sometimes, Ronan spreads out, taking up most of the bed (and the blankets). Sometimes, they wake up facing one another, legs entangled so that there’s real way to tell the two apart, and there’s a moment or so when they can think “Oh my God, we actually made it.” 

Since Sreng is repeatedly referred to in-text as HUGE (The Fir Bolg’s description: ”For he is big and fierce, and bold to spy on hosts and interview strangers, and uncouth and terrifying to behold.” Bres’ description of him: “A big, powerful, fierce man…with vast, wonderful weapons, truculent and hardy withal, without fear of any man”) while Bres doesn’t get the same description, I tend to think that they have a height difference, so Bres just…..flops on top of him. Possibly slightly more dignified than that but still. Sreng makes a very nice, warm pillow and Bres has high standards for this kind of thing. And, barring anyone Bres flopping around, they probably wake up in a similar way, with Bres sometimes nuzzling against Sreng, especially post-Cath Maige Tuired when I think that Bres would become increasingly clingy. 

9. When their partner has a bad day, what is something the other picks up to try and make their day a little better? 

Ronan - Tends to get either coffee (Laz drinks STRICTLY black, in both the Modern and the Canon verse) and/or chocolate, depending on just how bad a day we’re talking about. (If Artois is anywhere in the vicinity, it’s a “both” kind of day.) @lehetsz-kiraly and I somehow decided a while ago that, like his Toho actor, Laz is a chocoholic. Albeit a very, very closeted one who tends to blame Ronan for the various and assorted chocolates that are stuffed around the house (Oka Kojiro is a delight to follow on Instagram but my GOD does the man love his sweets. And….every other type of food. Do NOT go on his account if you happen to have an empty stomach.) So, Ronan brings the chocolate and makes a BIG deal over not being able to finish it after 1-2 pieces and can’t just let it go stale, you know (because….subtlety….Ronan….they don’t match). 

Also has been known to bring Lazare lunches to his office, on the days when he gets so engrossed in his work he forgets to eat, and tends to try to find ways of distracting him, because he knows that Lazare has the tendency of brooding on this sort of thing and generally just needs a way of getting away from it for a little while. (For all that he rags on Lazare for mother-henning him, he can be JUST as bad, being the one most statistically likely to make a nuisance of himself before Lazare gives in and takes care of himself. Ronan might have a bit of a puppy dog personality, but he has a cat’s habit of sitting on Lazare’s lap, blocking the keyboard, etc. when SOMEONE doesn’t listen.) 

Laz - Lazare…tends to go casual, on the days when Ronan’s off. Not FULLY casual, because it’s still LAZ. We’re still not going to see him dead in, say, a pair of jeans, but he bends a little bit more. Fast food? He might cut his hamburger into tiny pieces and then poke at them like he’s a scientist working on a lab experiment, but he’ll do it. Lounging on the couch and watching Shape of Water with Ronan, despite claiming that he has no interest in this sort of thing? He’ll do it. And if seeing his boyfriend making that kind of effort for his sake doesn’t make Ronan cheer up at least a little, then seeing his awkward attempts at behaving like a Normal Functioning Human Being™ will. 

Sreng - For some reason, I see Sreng as being much less…big on getting THINGS so much as reassuring Bres and being outwardly affectionate. Sreng’s odd because on one hand, he was born the son of a king and he grew up the brother of a king, until Fodbgen was killed by Eochaid mac Eirc. And, even then, he’s STILL described as being (along with his brothers Semne and Sithbrug) the Fir Bolg King of “The province of Cú Roi” (Modern Munster) when the Tuatha dé arrive, so he’s STILL in the upper, upper ranks of the nobility. Despite the “uncouth and terrifying to behold” description, this is NOT someone who’s exactly having to scavenge in the forest for his next meal. In some ways, he’s actually BETTER BORN than Bres, at least if we’re talking about the context of Cath Maige Tuired, since he’s IN with the tribe in a way that Bres ISN’T with the Tuatha dé (or, really, even with the Fomorians). But then, with the Tuatha dé’s victory, the Fir Bolg become unsettled, in at least some stories being reduced to refugees or servitude (AGAIN) and he loses a lot of that prestige, so he can’t really…PROVIDE that to Bres on the same level (Which…honestly, has to sting Sreng’s pride at least a little). All he can really provide is himself, and so he does. Like, Bres gets home and then he’s got Sreng gently rubbing his shoulders. Or he falls asleep in the middle of planning a strike against the Tuatha dé, face down on a table somewhere, and the next thing he knows, he’s waking up in his own bed, Sreng beside him, rubbing his back. During the CMT era in particular, Bres NEEDS that reassurance and that affection; he’s got the material help from his father, but he doesn’t have any SUPPORT except for his mother and Sreng. (Alright, and the kids, but they’re…his KIDS. He’s not going to tell the full truth to them, even when they’re Adults™.)

Bres - Bres totally brings the punny cards, in keeping with my ongoing theme of Dad Joke Bres. Sreng rolls his eyes, but he keeps them all anyway, in a small wooden chest that he keeps his “Things that I’ll take if I’m forced to move suddenly” in and looks at them when Bres can’t be there for one reason or another. Lugh intercepts them at one point and tries to run them through every. Single. Cipher and way of deciphering secret messages that he can, thinking there’s some hidden wordplay in there. Ogma is the one who has to gently break it to him that, no, Bres is just Like That, there is not actually a secret message written in invisible ink on there. Though the jury’s still out on whether any one of the Tuatha dé…realize EXACTLY what they mean. “They swore a vow of friendship long ago, Lugh”

15. Things they do for one another because they know their partner hates it?

In any modern AU where he can’t fall back on servants, Peyrol takes care of anything when it comes to cleaning and cooking. Partially because he knows Ronan hates it and partially because he is TERRIFIED of the results otherwise. (Modern AU Ronan can make ramen and various and assorted microwave meals and that is pretty much it. And Lazare wants his place to still be standing.) 

Also in any AU where they stay together long enough to get pets, Lazare’s the one who tends to let them out, because even though he SAID that they were going to be Ronan’s primary responsibility, he couldn’t find it in himself to wake Ronan up the first time they started pawing at him to be let out. 

Ronan tends to help Lazare with getting dressed, given that he’s never trusted a valet enough for that duty and it’s difficult for one person to do and even if he did, Ronan REALLY doesn’t necessarily want someone in the room with him and Lazare, no thank you, he didn’t have much privacy growing up but he’s not going to have a STRANGER seeing him half-naked at best with his boyfriend. And Lazare doesn’t want a giant neon sign that says “I’m gay, please report me to law enforcement.” He grumbles about the different layers, on why the aristocracy makes everything so complicated just to show off how rich they are, but he also loves having that intimacy. 

Bres - This is cliche as fuck but do I care? No. No I do not. Bres tends to specialize in anything involving planning things; outfits, feasts, etc. He might HATE being social, but he likes the presentation of it. Whereas, as discussed below, Sreng’s better at the social aspect and less at the presentation. This did backfire on Sreng one Halloween when Bres had them go as Louis and Lestat. The 18th-19th century were BRES’ centuries, not Sreng’s. 

Also, Bres tends to do better when it comes to taking care of animals. Not in a “sweet summer child laying in a field with puppies” way, but anything from the equipment to making sure Babgiter doesn’t chew up Sreng’s cloak again. (He has given a very stern lecture to the pig about this before. Babgiter didn’t look overly convinced.) In general, when it comes to agriculture, Bres excels, whereas Sreng is more fundamentally a warrior and an aristocrat. (I swear that I didn’t INTENTIONALLY wind up with another farmer/aristocrat duo, it just…happened.) I don’t really see Bres as being actively involved like ANOTHER farmer would be, because he’s still…a nobleman…albeit a very….unorthodox one, and for a nobleman to take up manual labor DRASTICALLY lowered his honor price, especially a former king like Bres, but he takes a more active management role, whereas Sreng isn’t really interested in it more than he has to be in order for his people to eat for another year. And, if Bres wants to take control of that aspect of things, GREAT. It keeps his boyfriend occupied in something that he loves for a change and it gives Sreng one less headache. 

Sreng - Despite outwardly appearing like the less socially inclined of the pair, Sreng’s actually BETTER with dealing with people, in the long run. Bres…is a bit of a disaster when it comes to handling people according to their rank and sometimes lets his mouth run ahead of him, even after he becomes more mature and level headed following his expulsion from the throne, whereas Sreng….might not like them, but he also has a lifetime of experience as far as treating people as society says they need to be treated even if he collapses afterwards, so, any time the two of them are in a position where they have to deal with people, Sreng tends to field the most stress-inducing conversations. Though, when it comes to the family, Bres is on his own because Sreng does NOT want to deal with the Dagda or Bres’ terrifying aunts more than absolutely necessary. (Badb in particular tends to feel like she’s just waiting for the chance to tear him apart, black eyes never fully leaving him, and even though Bres assures him that that’s normal, Sreng’s oddly not convinced.)

Also, even though Bres loves his children FIERCELY and doesn’t hate spending time with them, there are times where he’s too exhausted to deal with six kids all clamoring for his attention, so Sreng’s been known to distract them. (AKA “How Indusa first learned how to handle a sword.”) 

[acrobaticcatfeline]

Pace Yourself; an ace Patton fic Ok so I might make more of this, depending on if this goes well. This was tons of fun to write, if a little challenging. If you are ace I would be honored to get some feedback to improve this! warnings: toxic family, homophobia/anything lgbt phobia, self hatred, thoughts that aces/aros are not lgbt, swearing, I think that’s all. word count: 1179

It was hard for him. He put on a face, he said he loved everyone, so no one would look deeper into him, to see that he was different. That he was an abomination in his family’s eyes. That he was wrong. And he hated it. He wished that he wasn’t who he was, that he was able to seem normal to his parents, but he couldn’t, that wasn’t who he was, and he will never be that. But as he was on his way to his first day at his new college campus, he was in awe at how many people were waving flags for pride month. He wanted to be like them, but Patton Rivera wasn’t ever going to be like them, he didn’t belong in the community anyways, he’d seen plenty of posts on Tumblr about how asexuality was wrong and wasn’t welcome with the LGBT+ community. So, he gripped his bags tighter and walked faster to his new room.

His phone started buzzing and as soon as he answered he had a voice shouting in his ear.

“PATTON PATTON WE’RE ROOMMATES PATTON WHERE ARE YOU COME ON THE ORIENTATION IS HAPPENING IN AN HOUR AND WE STILL NEED TO EAT AND CHANGE!!!!!!! PATTON!!!”

When he heard the voice of his childhood friend he knew he was in for a treat. He had known for a good two years that Roman was going to this college, one a few states away from their home, but didn’t know himself until a few months ago that he would as well. To know that he would be rooming with his best friend was probably the best news since finding out he had been accepted. The man started running towards his dorm room as fast as he could.

 Later during the day, the boys were wandering around the campus when Patton had seen someone wearing familiar colors. They were in a commons, and the ace was seated on the stairs, with a similar looking man standing next to the stair case. In fact, they looked very similar to Roman and Patton. He normally wouldn’t have done anything, considering the fact that he was so far in the closet that he could have been some sort of Narnia, but the man was not only wearing his colors, but he was surrounded with multiple people in aro colors, and they were all in the plaza, where everyone could see.

The group all had their hair dyed the colors of their flags and dressed in matching outfits. The one with ace colors had long fringe and a big baggy jacket that was black with a purple and grey lining. His feet were moving before his brain could process it, and his mouth flying before he could control it.

“how can you all be out? I-I thought aces and aros weren’t welcome in the LGBT community? I- this wasn’t because- I’m- you aren’t bad or wrong, I just, everything I see says that aces and aros were just confused or immature, how can you do it? I- nevermind I’m just-you guys look really nice I need to- uh, go-”

“hey. Calm down there dude, its fine. Sit down a bit, your friend can join too” the two stopped in their tracks and sat in front of the older students. “the things saying aces and aros aren’t ‘welcome’ are bullshit. Just like gay transphobes aren’t part of the community, neither are those who try to say that the absence of romantic or sexual attraction. They are assholes who don’t deserve to be around the LGBT community. You aren’t confused or immature. You might still not be certain on which label fits, or maybe you aren’t comfortable with labels. That doesn’t invalidate how you feel. Also, thanks, the hair took hours.” The smile coming from the man-made Patton feel safe.

“I’m-I uh, I’m p-Patton Rivera, I’m brand new so I uh, hi!!! What’s your name?” most of the people dispersed aside from the man and one glasses clad aro who didn’t seem like he was going anywhere.

“oh yeah, heh, I’m Virgil sanders, this is my twin; Logan. Who’s your friend? He looks like a princey.” Virgil’s brother kneed him, before sitting down next to him. “he’s not much one for talking. He thinks princey is interesting.”

“Falsehood!” shouted the man, logan, indignantly.

As soon as Virgil finished, Patton’s mother rang. “hello mother dear. Yes, I’m safe… y-es I’m going to the local church tomorrow… yes, I will uh, hook up with some lady while I’m here… I know you want grandchildren mom… yes, I, I wouldn’t think of attending the uh, homosexual parade against god… obviously they’re con-confused, its-it’s not natural I know… please don’t come and check up on me, I have Roman, and I’m almost 20… Roman is not a bad influence mother. He’s been my friend since pre-k I’m not abandoning him… he’s literally right next to me mother would you like to talk to him?” at this point Virgil grabbed the phone with a strangled gasp coming from Patton.

“hello ma’am. This is a friend of your son, coming in with a PSA that you don’t own him… really? Seems pretty threatening to me… he can’t formulate a sentence… why yes, I am celebrating pride, I’m glad you brought that up! It seems to me that your son would be a heck of a lot happier without the preaching that homosexuality et cetera is wrong… he’s 20 you can’t forbid him from doing anything. Including what sounds like you wanting him to abandon his friend… are you funding his college? Oh no? then explain why he needs to follow your rules… exactly, would you like to apologize to your son? Welcome to twenty gay-teen ma’am… I’m here for the next three years, test me… ok cool, bye!”

Patton stared horrified at the man. Virgil handed him back his phone with a shrug.

“that should keep her off your back. Sorry bout that, it was wrong of me, but I hate hearing people having to talk to smallminded people and pretend they agree. No one should ever be spoken to that way. So as an adult you’re free to be you, so what are you? You seem pretty interested in the pride decorations, and you walked up to us, so its obviously not just the bright colors.”

Patton looked over at Roman, who had been the quietest he’d ever heard him. “I’m uh, I think I’m panromantic asexual. Not sure specifically what kind of ace, but yeah. Thank you. I- I really just want to start over here. I don’t think it’ll be too soon, but I just want to stop hating who I am.”

The smiles exchanged felt like a promise. The four of them together against the homophobic agenda. When Virgil spoke again they knew it was going to be a good year.

“don’t worry about it pat. The best way to survive college is to pace yourself and get some good friends. You’ve already got one of those things.”

taglist: @princelogical

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING!!!!!!!!

[im-the-king-of-the-ocean]

could I nab an aro/ace jim? going along w/ life before it hits him that crushes?? exist?? because I personally never realised that this was a thing people experienced, and realising my experiences weren't the norm. I thought I was bi for the longest time because I felt the same towards everyone. perhaps his 'crush' on claire is a squish, or becoming qpps with toby? or maybe something else if you feel you've got a rad idea :o

Ace of Spades

When Jim found out about being aromantic and asexual, it was because of a set of pride flags he stumbled across online.  He knew what some of them were.  He’d spent months trying to figure out if any of those ones fit him.  Then realizing they didn’t.  Not really.  The only one that came close was bisexual.  Still, it felt like there was something different about him.  Something that didn’t quite fit with the bi label.  Something that was it’s own thing entirely.

Mom said he could be a late bloomer.  That he’d figure out romance in his own time.  There was no rush.  She’d always be there for him if he wanted to talk or if he needed help in getting resources.  Jim never took her up on that.  

What if that supposed magic moment where he’d figure romance out never happened?  He asked himself on occasion.  Did he really want it to?  Jim wasn’t sure.  He’d never considered himself different from anyone else.  He always thought the way he felt was the norm.  That the “romance” he saw in media was something exaggerated by Hollywood to sell all the movies they could.

The fact that he was apparently the different one felt strange to Jim.  He didn’t know what to make of the feeling.  He’d gone through life without really thinking about romance as A Thing.  He honestly didn’t want to start now.

So, seeing those pride flags and learning of the aro and ace labels felt nice.  Like the beginning of an answer to a question Jim didn’t know he needed to ask.  “Aroace” rolled off the tongue in a pleasant way.  It was a secure feeling, to know he didn’t have to be anything else but what he already was.

In the coming days, Jim learned more words, an entirely new vocabulary.  Squish.  Queerplatonic relationship.  Zucchini.  That last one made him smile when he used one of the vegetable for dinner one night.

An entire world he didn’t know existed, one that felt right, had been opened up to him.

And something, for once, felt comfortable.

Jim soon found it was hard to deal with everyone else.  Before learning of being aroace, he hadn’t realized (noticed) how much everyone else around him seemed to be obsessed with romance.  Now that he did, it was grating.  Just a little bit.

Jim didn’t mind that romance existed or that people were interested in it necessarily.  It just, it wasn’t something he was interested in.  Not really.  Sometimes it was downright frustrating when everyone assumed he wanted or would want it.  Eventually.

His mom, in particular, seemed to be waiting for that “eventually”, given her regular comments that “girls” were a natural part of high school that he should be worried about.  Jim generally avoided talking to her about it if he could.  He loved her, but there were times when Mom could be pushy when she thought she was being helpful (when she was really not).

Jim still hadn’t figured out how to talk to her about that one yet.

Toby was easier.

“So aroace, huh?  Sounds like you’re some cool archer dude.  Like you’re an ace ninja with a bow and have like a bajillion arrows that you can shoot with deadly accuracy and you’re going to become a superhero—wait, hang on, I gotta look this up.”  Toby whipped out his phone and started typing.  “There’s gotta be some cool aroace superhero already.”

Jim laughed.  “Only you, Tobes, would react by thinking of some hero thing.”

“Laugh now, Jimbo, but one of these days I’m going to be right.  Just you wait.”  Toby paused.  “Anyway, you good?”  He turned to face Jim.  “How do you feel?  Like are you “I just came out to my best friend and I’m totally awesome sauce cause I know we’re awesome sauce forever” or “I just came out to my best friend and I’m kinda panicky about it?”

“The first one.  Mostly.”  Jim shrugged.  “I wouldn’t put it exactly like that, but yeah.  “We’re good, Tobes.”  He took a cookie off the plate Nana had given them and lay back on Toby’s bed.  He let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding in.

“Master Jim, I must apologize.  For I assumed you and Tobias were already in a partnership.”  Blinky spoke in an uncertain tone.

“Wait, you thought we were dating?  Like gay?”  Jim clenched his hands arounds his knees.  This conversation was not going how he’d expect it to.  After talking to Toby about it, he’d decided to come out to Blinky too (and ARRRGGGHHH!!! depending on how the conversation with Blinky went).  So far, he’d made it past telling Blinky that he was aroace.  That had gone well.  Blinky had accepted his explanation of the labels.  But now they’d gotten here, where Blinky apparently assumed he and Toby were an Item.

Blinky spoke up again,  “I would not put it like that necessarily.  Not too many years ago, while scavenging on the surface, I overhead a set of humans talk of what they called a ��queerplatonic relationship’.  From what they said, I gathered it must be a meaningful sort of relationship that exists independent of the usual trappings or symbolism of traditional romance.  Since then, ARRRGGGHHH!!! and myself have found it a wonderfully useful term to define what we are to each other.  We are something that is both strong and deeply emotional.  Somedays there are no words to eloquently put how I feel about him nor him about me.  For us, queerplatonic fit what other words could not possibly hope to describe.”  Blinky paused.  “Ah, my train of thought seems to have gotten away from me.  But my assumption was that you and Tobias share a similar relationship.  That you are, I believe the right term is zucchini?  Partners?”

“Oh, um no.  We’re just friends.”  Jim’s grip tightened on his knees.  He hadn’t thought about being anything with Tobes.  Not yet.  He was still adjusting to his identity.  That was what this conversation was supposed to be about.  His identity.  “Blinky, I’m…I may never want a relationship.  Of any kind.  I haven’t really so far.  Like I haven’t gotten crushes or anything ever.  I didn’t even think they were real for the longest time, but according to Toby they are.”  He sighed.  “I just…I don’t know.”  He threw up his arms.  “I’m ok with the possibility of a queerplatonic relationship, but I don’t want you guys to just assume I’m going to do that.  Or anything else.  Because I don’t even know what I’m going to do yet.  I’m still figuring this out!”  He paced around with his fists clenched.  “Just…don’t say I can still have relationships despite my identity.  Cause being aroace?  Is really important to me.  It’s a part of me.”  He spun and glared at Blinky.  “Not something that needs to be overcome.”

Blinky approached him slowly.  “I deeply apologize, Jim.”  He cautiously put his hands on Jim’s shoulders.  “It was not my intention to convey that that needs to happen.  It does not.”

“Thanks, Blink.  I…I kinda like the idea of a qpr?  Just not right now.  Or yet.  Or something.”  Jim inhaled.  “For now, I want to be just me.”  He paused.  “But, can you tell me more about them anyway?  Just so I know?”

“Of course.”

Jim backed up a step, away from the classroom door.  “Are you sure I can be here? I mean, I don’t know, they may—”

“Dude, chill.”  Toby grabbed his shoulder.  “It’s going to be totally awesome sauce.  Trust me.  I got you’re back.  Worst case scenario, we run out of there and become school legends.”

“Really, Tobes?  Running out of a GSA meeting will make us legends?”  Jim sighed.  Ran his hand through his hair.  “This was a bad idea.  We should—”

Toby interrupted him.  “No buts!  Trust in your wingman.  When have I ever led you astray?”

“Do you really want me to answer that?”

“Good point.  But I’m right about this, Jimbo.”  Toby faced him.  “I know you read some stupid stuff online, but this isn’t the Internet where anyone can say anything.  I know everyone on the other side of that door and I can say with certainty, you belong with us and they’ll think so too.”

Jim sighed.  “Fine.  Let’s do this.”  Worst case scenario, he activated the Amulet of Daylight so he could break through the classroom window as an escape and then have to deal with the fallout of revealing magic to a bunch of high school kids.

Toby opened the door with a flourish. “I hereby welcome you to the Gay-Straight Alliance of Arcadia Oaks High!” He led Jim into the classroom.  “Where we have doughnuts, friends, and on special occasions, Miss Janeth’s dramatic interpretations of other teachers!”  In a quieter tone, he added, “You should hear her Strickler.  It’s hilarious, dude.”

“I heard that, Mr. Domzalski.”  Miss Janeth spoke from where she was hanging up a poster on the board.  “And welcome, Mr. Lake, we were just about to get started.”  She turned to address the entire group in the classroom, which included Eli Pepperjack, Shannon Longhannon, Mary Wang, Darci Scott, Claire Nunez, and even the new students Aja and Krel, as well as others Jim didn’t recognize immediately on sight.  “As many of you know, the club fair is coming up and I’d like us to have a station.”  Miss Janeth went on.  “We’ll have signups for those of you who want to help man the table and, like last year, Señor Uhl has agreed to maintain a ‘security presence’.  Now, Ms. Wang has submitted the idea that we get mini pride flags to put on the table, so everyone, especially if they’re still in the closet, knows they’re welcome with us.  She’s volunteered to acquire the flags and start a list so we don’t miss anyone’s labels…”

As the meeting went on, Jim relaxed.  No one asked him to come out or prove why he should be there.  He was welcomed easily into the conversation.  He was ok.

Jim set up the mini pride flags along the front edge of the GSA’s fair table.  It had taken then a while to find them all, but in the end they’d been successful.  He set both the aromantic and asexual flags down next in the lineup after the genderfluid and agender flags.

A part of him regretted letting Toby talk him into helping today, but a part of him really wanted to be there too.

“Ah, they look lively!” Aja bounced into the chair next to him. “It is so exciting!  We will educate the people of the municipality of Arcadia all about the wonderful identities they don’t know they can have or they know they have and don’t know that have support for!”  She spun around in her seat.  “Either way it will be a totally legal day!”

“Arcadia’s a city and we’re only manning the table for the school’s club fair.  I don’t think that many people are going to show up.”  Jim was quick to reply.  The idea of a huge number of people showing up made him nervous.

“Yes, but some will still come  That is exciting!”  Aja playfully punched his arm.  “We will help people!  Toby told me you’re an archer ninja.  Between your mad skills and my…errmm…also mad skills, we will do good for the next two hours!”

Jim couldn’t help but smile.  Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

[good--bye--binary]

They/Them or She/Her

Happy Priiiiiiiiiiiiiide!!! 🌈🏳️‍🌈

I got a couple of pics in before heading out to the Chicago Pride Parade today and even talked my mom into taking a couple selfies with me while we were there!

I’m also in the process of coming out to every person I know that I haven’t yet. Most of these are people that are very important to me, but either I don’t get to see them very often and/or they’re more conservative and not at all educated on LGBTQ issues. To that end, I finally wrote a coming out letter and I thought I’d post it here just in case anyone else wanted to use portions of it! 😁

Dear ________,

In case you didn’t already know, this month is LGBTQ+ Pride Month. Both because of this and, more importantly, because I respect and cherish our relationship, I feel compelled to tell you that I am transgender. Specifically, I am non-binary, genderfluid, and transfeminine (more on all of those terms later). Although I have always questioned my gender, I came out to myself in November of 2016. Now I feel it is the right time for absolutely everyone to know.

I have written, deleted, rewritten, and revised this letter many times over many months because I want it to be as clear as possible. To that end, I thought it best to organize it as a list of questions directed towards myself, questions that I would expect you to have. Of course if you ever want me to explain something more, an answer doesn’t make sense, or you have a question that isn’t on here, PLEASE TALK TO ME. You might find that reading these questions and answers are enough, but if you don’t, I would much rather you talk to me directly rather than speculate, be confused, or turn to the internet which may have misleading or inaccurate information. On this last point, I don’t just mean anti-LGBTQ+ websites and organizations; gender is a very complicated and personal experience, so even pro-LGBTQ+ literature may define or explain terms in ways that are different from how I apply them to my gender experience.

Q1. How do you know/what makes you think you’re transgender? A1. Like almost all LGBTQ+ people will tell you, I always knew I was somehow different from most of the other kids. For me, it was about never feeling completely comfortable or understood by boys and men. For as long as I can remember, I have not only preferred the company of girls and women, but I have never felt “like one of the boys.” My closest friends have always been (and continue to be) women. Even in films, TV shows, video games, novels, and short stories, I almost immediately identify with female characters, but rarely do I do the same with male characters.

Have I been able to “fit in” with boys/men in the past? Yes, of course I have, because society has always suggested that I should and that there would be consequences if I didn’t. Did I enjoy the act of having to hide, censor, and think very deliberately about my behavior so that I wasn’t bullied or seen as weird? Absolutely not. I went to sleepovers at my male friends’ houses in grade school, but I hated them. I would get terrible anxiety as the scheduled day came closer and once I got there, I couldn’t wait for them to be over. I hated “acting like a boy.” It brought me literal pain and discomfort.

These feelings of pain, discomfort, and anxiety are symptoms of what is known as dysphoria. Dysphoria is an experience that nearly all transfolk experience. Euphoria is the feeling that everything is perfect—being in a state of mind that is complete bliss and one that you hope will never end. Dysphoria is the opposite of that. It’s the feeling that everything is wrong—a mental and emotional state of torture that feels like it will swallow you up and crush your spirit forever. When applied to transfolk specifically, dysphoria is what we used to mean when we said things like “I feel like a man trapped in a woman’s body” or vice versa. That phrase typically isn’t used any more because it implies that a person is only a man if they have a “male body”/a woman if they have a “female body,” but the intended meaning is the same.

I know that I’m transgender because I experience dysphoria. There are days that I look at myself and I just want to throw up because I don’t feel like I look right from a gender perspective. It feels like I’ve hijacked some other person’s body, like there’s a disconnect between my mind and the person I see in the mirror. Some days I look at my men’s clothes and putting them on feels like putting on clothes made of fire or acid. I see the hair on my legs and I want to rip each and every one of them out. This is dysphoria and it feels terrible.

Q2. What do you do when you feel this way? A2. Before I came out in November of 2016, I just buried it. As a child, I of course had no idea why I felt this way. Not only that, but even in the 1990s society wasn’t ready to talk about gender the way we talk about it now, so the idea of saying I was transgender could never cross my mind because there was next to no representation of transfolk. But now, when my dysphoria hits, I don’t avoid it. I listen to my body, think to myself, “Ok, so you’re not a man today,” and adjust my gender presentation accordingly. This brings me to my specific labels of being non-binary and genderfluid.

Traditionally in Western/American culture, we think of gender as a binary experience—everyone is either a man or a woman. Even most transfolk that you may be familiar with, like Caitlyn Jenner, Jazz Jennings, Laverne Cox, and Chaz Bono, are all binary transfolk. They identify as the “opposite” gender they were assigned at birth. Being non-binary means that I don’t completely identify as a man OR as a woman. Some non-binary people identify as more male than female, more female than male, or feel that they have no gender at all (this is known as being agender). However, I also identify as genderfluid, which means that similar to how water (or any fluid) in a glass can move fluidly in a glass depending on how you tilt it, my gender also moves fluidly.

Try thinking about gender as a spectrum (which nearly all psychologists agree it is), a line from 0 to 10. On one end, you have the feeling of being completely male all of the time and on the other side being completely female.

Though it is impossible to qualify with any kind of numbers, I would say my gender identity varies from day-to-day anywhere between a 4 and and a 10. Because I am more likely to be on the feminine side of the spectrum (6-10), I can also say that I’m transfeminine, meaning that while I don’t identify as a woman every single day (and thus am not a trans woman), I do, on average, tend to feel more like a woman than a man.

So, on days that I’m at a 4 or a 5, I probably just look like what you would expect a man to look like. However, if I’m at a 7, maybe I’ll wear “mens clothes” but also wear some make-up and/or nail polish. If I’m at a 9 or 10, I probably will wear “womens clothes,” make-up, a stuffed bra, and sometimes a wig. However, no matter what my gender expression/presentation is, I’m always non-binary.

Q3. Does this mean you’re a crossdresser? A3. No. Crossdressing is a hobby, which is totally fine if that’s what you’re into. It usually refers to men who always identify as men but find it “fun” to dress in women’s clothes. When I’m a man, I wear men’s clothes. When I’m a woman, I wear women’s clothes. It’s not a fetish or a hobby. I dress for whatever my gender is that day.

Q4. Does this mean you’re gay? A4. Because my gender is constantly shifting, labels like straight, gay, lesbian, and bisexual don’t apply to me. A person’s sexuality is defined not only by who they’re attracted to, but also their own gender. A man who is a attracted to men is gay. A woman who is attracted to men and women is bi. I am only attracted to women, but I myself am neither a man or a woman, so I can’t say that I’m straight, nor can I say that I’m a lesbian. Therefore, it’s most accurate for me to say that I’m attracted to women and just leave it at that.

Q5. What am I supposed to call you now? Are you changing your name? A5. I still go by Rich. If I’m in a very public place (like when placing an order at Starbucks for example) and I’m identifying/presenting as a woman and don’t want to get clocked as transgender, then I use the name Christina.

The only big change is that I don’t go by gendered pronouns (he/him or she/her). Like most non-binary people, I go by the gender neutral they/them. For example, a friend of mine wouldn’t say, “That’s my friend, Rich. He is an English teacher.” Instead, that friend would say, “This is my friend, Rich. They are an English teacher.” You might notice that I changed the gender preference on Facebook to reflect this (i.e. “Rich has changed their profile picture”).

Also, in general, I do not appreciate being addressed with terms/phrases like “Hey man” or “What’s up, dude?” I understand that most of the time when people use “man” or “dude,” they don’t mean it in a gendered way, but it still really aggravates my dysphoria to be called “dude,” even if I’m identifying/presenting as more masculine.

I also understand and can respect that having to think about my pronouns like this may seem strange and/or difficult to remember, but all I ask is that you try your best and definitely don’t misgender me on purpose.

Q6. Are you going to have “the surgery”/a sex change? A6. Just for the record, the term “sex change” isn’t used any more; the medical term is gender reassignment surgery (or GRS). But no, I am not. I do not plan on undergoing any kind of surgery to change my sex nor do I plan on taking hormones. My wardrobe and gender pronouns are enough to qualm any dysphoria.

I know that this is a lot to take in, both literally in the sense that it was almost 2,000 words long and uses terms you might never have heard of before, but also that it might be emotionally difficult, so thank you if you’ve made it this far into this letter. All I can say is that I wanted to come out to you because I love you and because I care about our relationship. I don’t want to be ashamed or hide who I am from you any more. Take as much time as you need to process this and again, please, if you have any more questions or concerns, talk to me. You can call me, text me, or write me a letter of your own, whatever makes you most comfortable.

Much thanks and even more love, Rich