#(or into it honestly i just need to make a choice lmao)
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Severus Snape thoughts
I've prodded him with my thoughts before but now I need to post through it. Because he's my princess.
I think a lot of what makes Snape so complex (and so compelling) is that he is neither a good person nor a just person. He really is beefing with that 11-year-old. He really did scoff at Albus saying that he would protect Harry because he cares about him. (LMAO, btw). He really is just a horrible guy, which honestly makes his efforts that much more brave and noble!
When we see the Prince's Tale, Severus Snape personally curates his timeline to showcase his bigotry to Harry. He specifically isolates moments where his antipathy for muggles is contrasted with his love for Lily. He does not show Harry his home life, or how much Lily liked him, he is on topic: I hated muggles, but I loved her. And then he isolates a moment where Lily finally explains how troubled she is by his friends, and he cuts off whatever teen drama motivated her to say it. He shows his worst memory again, something he was shaking with rage and fear at Harry discovering. He shows the aftermath of him grovelling.
And after that is the timeskip. His feelings are not relevant. In fact, all of his memories may as well be from Lily's perspective. It is significant that all his memories are essentially from Lily's perspective.
What Snape was showcasing to Harry is that he knows that he was not listening to her. He knows he was being patronizing, that he prioritized his exclusive access to her over feelings, that he treated her beliefs as if they were irrelevant or biased.
Snape took on a patron-like relationship with Lily, teaching her wizarding culture and presumably acting as the source of her incredible potions ability (despite her expertise clearly being charms). He most definitely assumed that in the Dark Lord's new order, people like Lily would be coveted for their magical skill alone, and he would not really care if the Death Eaters executed Lily's parents and sister because they're just muggles.
And then she is murdered for protecting Harry Potter too well. She is disposable. He had to have heard it. She's just a mudblood.
Snape gives himself no excuses in the Prince's Tale. He did not include what he did for her in his memories, because he prided himself in uplifting her star and probably still does, and the memories in that bottle exhibited his shame. He provides no context which might paint himself in a better light. He is giving Harry his remorse, with raw, open honesty. 'Here is where I went wrong.'
Snape's character is that of someone who is bearing the excruciating burden of not only being responsible for the death of a loved one, but silently de-radicalizing himself, all alone, while still on the inside. He lives in his muggle house. He intentionally repaired the link between his current self and his shameful muggle origins in order to acknowledge the way he treated muggles was wrong and the way he treated Lily was unforgivable. He won't even let paintings use slurs.
There is a temptation to polish his image, to say he was justified or uniquely victimized, without acknowledging Snape is messy and cruel has always been fundamentally incapable of empathy, yet he has passionate feelings on doing the right thing. He spent 10 years making an active choice to be a good person, a thing that does not come naturally to him. The point of the Prince's Tale is that it does not come naturally to him!!!!! And he does it anyway!!!!!!
He doesn't want Harry to die because he's the last thing he has left of Lily (🙄), but because the right thing to do, the Lily thing to do, is to not raise a boy for slaughter.
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Y'all I've been out of campaign 3 since shortly after Dorian left, cause I was really just in it for my Dorym boys. But now my boys are REUNITED, and I'm invested again, but I don't have time to catch up on 50+ epsidoes.
But like...what if I just caught up on the episode summaries, and then actually wrote out all the Dorym fics I'd planned out? Like, that would be insane and I don't have time for it, but also 👀
I still have all the outlines and notes. I totally could...
#dorym#somebody talk me out of this#(or into it honestly i just need to make a choice lmao)#orym#dorian storm#critical role#fanfiction
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i’m. a little bit wrecked over ashton in episode 78 y’all. i’m a little sad. just a little . i just. damn.
they hurt themself really fucking badly. and they could have killed their friends chasing something that was never theirs, chasing a reality that never was, that they never actually wanted in the first place. all because he was just fucking wrong about something. they just—they made a mistake. and it was the worst possible mistake they could have made. and i’m just thinking about how awful that is, to realize how little you actually value your own life in the middle of a crater you made with your own body because you just died and reformed and all you can think is how much you would have deserved to stay dead, to hurt forever, for the fact that the people before you were cruel and horrible and you mirrored them without a second thought in a matter of days.
like that’s so fucked dude. how do you rebuild a self esteem you never had after doing something so monumentally wrong. you stop using that false bravado because it won’t do you any good anymore, now that they all know how weak you are. how do you start caring about yourself when there’s so much to loathe, so much to make up for, so much to apologize for. that’s fucking terrible. how is he literally ever gonna trust himself again? trust his own judgement? trust what he wants? the last time he wanted something that badly it killed him and nearly broke his friends. like holy shit. how do you. how. how?
#cr#cr3#ashton greymoore#like holy shit. holy SHIIIITTTTT#this was like. the worst possible mistake ashton could have made#it makes me so sad. it makes me soooo sad. because i get it. i fully truly do#it’s ever fear i have about being wrong#it wasn’t as calculated as the group seems to think. it wasn’t a grand scheme#nothing ash does is like that#sure he thought it over. and made a poor choice. but honestly? just a mistake#all of them are time bombs and ashton just happened to go off first#they have every right to be mad. every right. it was a shitty thing to do#but i can’t help feeling incredibly sad for them. they’re not used to any of this.#i have many thoughts about this i need to post more about it lmao#roll history
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so i know i'm gonna pick up DA veilguard but how am i meant to pick a VA for my rook between living deity erika ishii, mr hands from cyberpunk and icarus from mirror's edge catalyst
#stel talks#like this is a very real problem i have right now!!!#three VAs i really really like all voicing the same character??#maybe i just need to make three rooks lmao#this is such a good cast overall honestly i'm very happy about the casting choices
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just went through all my ao3 fics and edited all the tags because i feel like i overtag a lot and it always bothered me. tbf the most overtagging happens in my relationship/character tags but i find it super difficult to judge who/which relationship is important. like friendships are So Important in my fics i dont feel like i cant tag less there? especially my longer fics. amtc james&sirius and black brothers are in my mind at least if not more important than literally amtc jegulus. i know its a jegulus fic but also jegulus is just the catalyst for other relationship dynamics. how do you tag that stuff
#honestly same with operation wanker#i finally put the wolfstar tag at the end of the relationship list#because genuinely when i first wrote the fic i debated leaving that out completely because i just do not focus on them At All#but considering theyre the very reason for the whole fic i couldnt not tag them#but james and sirius in operation wanker are as important to me as jegulus#and they go through a similar plot line of developing and changing so ?? yk???#idk how to tag i am really bad at it honestly#as you can tell i have exam season#hence me doing anything but the things i should be doing#hp#fic rant#i need a tag for general ramblings#i did take out a lot of character tags in a lot of my fics#like in some of them i literally now have a relationship tag but not the character tag which im also still not sure at#like on lies and spies still has the peter&marlene tag but it doesnt have a marlene tag anymore#and im still debating if i should also take the relationship tag out but also its important for peters actions??? idkkk man i am bad at thi#took out a lot of tags from amtc because i just felt it was too long overall#like i do think they were not completely unimportant but it was such a wall of text i felt a bit overwhelmed#tagging fics where its literally just 2 characters and theyre romantically/sexually involved is so much easier#like on high delight the tags make perfect sense because its very obvious what the focus is on#but i so seldomly write fics that are confined to just a ship (/) dynamic#maybe this is my arospec that ive been eyeing for the past 10 years and keep ignoring showing#i just care about writing relationships (&) so much more honestly#ok thats actually a lie im not tooo good with just platonic fics but i like writing romantic stuff in the context of friendgroups#i like characters having to keep secrets from the people they usually tell evrything to#love exploring characters finding out they have friendship boundaries they previously didnt know about#love writing about trust and and conflicting feelings and having to make choices#also lmao very iconic of me to have 5km of tags on a post of me saying i am prone to overtagging. really proving my own point here
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what's the theme you're fucking going for here voliiii!!! what are you fucking getting at!!! what are you trying to say, what's the point??
#still working on this drama chapter in Swept Up. they're. confusing to work with? from an empathy standpoint at least.#skill who is trying to honestly understand the other skills VS skill who is just always lying and putting on an act.#and then theres the whole thing that im not going to spoil yet but the dynamic. fuck man. i dont even know what im trying to say here#lying is bad? no i dont care about that. honest communication is important maybe? i feel like i need a central theme for this.#and i dont want the theme to be ''empathy good'' because low-empathy people are also good and i love them!! and also:#empathy is a flawed character!! i try to portray this. i dont like moralism/centrism which empathy believes in and is the main skill for#empathy you stupid centralist (affectionate) i know this is just because you don't know how to make everyone happy. who can fix this?#you dont think you can fix this! you feel too much debilitating sadness to make meaningful change!! responsibilite to others more capable#still. i do depict empathy as often kind on a small level because i think that's in character. empathy just helps you understand.#i guess this fic is also a ''empathy doesn't mean kindness. kindness is a choice you can make afterwards but empathy just means empathy''#but that's not a centralizing theme that all the chapters share. its also about vulnerability and the mortifying ordeal of being known#urgh. i'll think about it some more. knowing me its probably another ''love (in all forms) is the meaning to life'' type story lmao <3#i need to make a skill chart for this harry. all i know is that Volition is his skill signature but Empathy is his highest stat#hyper-empathetic harry with the rsd that comes from adhd!! haha!! suffering. everybody fucking hate you. this is based on me btw lmao#i was working on voli's chapter which has a flashback and child empathy! new to the mindspace looking out through harry's eyes and crying#the world is full of sad people and it's just too much for a lil guy! the backstory i have planned for this like. huh okay. wild. anyway!!#oh shit ive made a fucking breakthrough with the drama chapter. its not a theme but its something i figured out at least. we stay winning!!#chemi chats#task: swept up
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(kicks down the door) magni-as-a-recruitable-bg3-companion notes because I have no self control whatsoever. this is so long but (pats a cushion) play in the sandbox with me.
Recruitable in Act 1. Also has a brain tadpole. Joins you because you are his best bet at not becoming a mindflayer, and because he heard at the gate of the grove that a wizard is paying big money to find some sort of weapon, and he is now very interested in finding it. The grind never stops.
General Vibe: local man clearly an assassin and cheerful in a way that makes it explicitly clear he is only faking being friendly. Cunning, but blunt about his opinions to companions the way Lae’zel is, with an extra layer of dry sarcasm. Gives an impression of being eternally up to something that immediately rubs both Wyll and Shadowheart the wrong way. Shockingly persuasive despite this. Or maybe because of this. Who knows. Considers his words carefully. Has connections to Nine Fingers.
Prioritizes personal freedom above all else, including (eventually) yours.
Approves of:
Extorting people for money/reward (‘will you help us?’ ‘not for free’ ‘okay :(’)
Asserting your authority
Taking Overconfident People Down A Peg TM (though if you choose to intimidate them, he’ll offhandedly tell you he'll teach you to be sneakier and meaner)
Shit-talking gods, except Lolth
Consuming tadpoles – explicitly states he doesn’t want any himself (doesn't want to risk being influenced by a Big Brain), but thinks it’s very interesting watching you do it
Lying for personal gain, or, rarely, to protect someone’s feelings
This would 100% include an early chance to lie directly to him, if he catches you – as far as he’s concerned, not trusting him outright is the smartest option. He’s neutral if you keep doing it, but he starts disapproving after a certain Personal Story Milestone because now it hurts his feelings.
Disapproves of:
Rejecting compensation/rewards (‘oh no, helping you was enough.’ Annoyed in the background: ‘I need you to know it’s not.’)
Acquiescing to humiliating demands (ex. licking the goblin’s boot)
Making or considering deals with devils
Making or considering deals with the Guardian
Expressing devotion to gods. Neutral/no disapproval if it’s Lolth. Doesn't approve either, though, so hmm, sir, hmm
Being honest when he feels you shouldn’t (telling nearly anyone about the artifact, being truthful during the ~love quiz~, etc.)
Being touched without Explicit Permission
His personal quest kicks off when you either a) discover a way to the Underdark, or b) find out the Underdark will lead to the Nightsong. He’s intentionally not returned for like. Over a century. Despite this, he’s insistent that you take him with because he has ‘unfinished business’ to tend to.
Shortly after arriving, he will casually disclose the ‘business’ is getting ritually eaten by a giant spider.
Continuing the quest is pretty dependent on convincing him not to do that, considering you will run into Talfae—the priestess (now High Priestess) who banished him to the surface in the first place, and she will be begrudgingly happy to oblige after strongarming him (and the party) into a sort of trial to prove his worth.
Assuming he doesn’t get eaten by spiders, he can either kill Talfae, or drag her kicking and screaming to the surface, a fate she deems worse. He also comes out with a perk he didn’t have before: the ability to converse with spiders.
Making the assumption he’s regained Lolth’s favor, he’ll disclose that he used to be a priestess of Lolth—one of three favored to be a high priestess. They were constantly trying to kill or unseat each other with the understanding that the last one standing would ascend to the title as Lolth’s favored.
Talfae preferred humiliation to killing, exposing a secret and banishing him to the surface instead of giving him the ritual sacrifice he thought he was owed. Per the spiders, he’s found out that she did the same to the second priestess, Xullbaste. In his head, since he regained favor with Lolth after murdering/banishing Talfae, if he can find Xullbaste in Baldur’s Gate and determine what Lolth wants done with her, he can do what he long assumed impossible: become a high priest of Lolth.
Which leaves you with the fairly obvious options: help him do that, or convince him it’s not worth it.
There’s a lot of Additional Trauma tangled in there that he has to come to terms with, including the realization that he does, in fact, want to live, that he does in fact feel fairly terrible and awful in hindsight about a lot of what he did For Lolth TM, that he kind of likes you people and wants to mean something to y’all, and that despite all of it he is Allowed to feel furious and hurt about being lied to and abandoned by the people he trusted and his god. This man needs so much therapy.
THAT SAID, you can soften him up a bit over time. He’s shockingly loyal and fiercely protective of you at high approvals, and is vocally supportive of getting companions out of bad deals and situations���including Wyll, who he (unfortunately) never really gets along with. Underdark/Creche onward, he will express concern bluntly and immediately if he thinks something is about to go terribly wrong for someone in the party.
Absolutely cutting this off here before I get unhinged about his romance and companion interactions but. I HAVE THOUGHTS, MAN. PLANS.
#also want to mention companion magni is more abrasive than tav/durge magni lmao#partially because he would need tav/durge's help to come to some Realizations that he otherwise came around to himself#over the course of like. actually playing him. he was kind of a chill guy by act 3#not really the group dad. the group uncle trying to get his shit together ig. trying to make the right choices.#mae plays bg3#honestly i should just return to writing fics to get this out but it seems TOO SELF INDULGENT#also tav magni fun fact: talfae is who his guardian looks like lmao#his feelings towards her are EXTREMELY complicated#POINTLESS POST
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#ask to tag#//vent#delete later#man I always wanted to do the sciences but I'm having this spiral of self-doubt abt my degree choices#I'm honestly not sure if I'm cut out for it bc I struggle w/ the math especially in a uni setting where you just go so fast through it#and like if I wasn't committed for years into getting into pathology or coronary work bc it's what I wanted to do a linguistics major#was my last backup plan and I'm wondering if I should just throw in the towel. I barely have the executive function to get what work#I have now for class done let alone the burden of med school and I'm getting too old for it and I'm poor so I've essentially given up#on that particular dream. the plan was to get my master's if med school didn't work out but I'm just scraping by through chem so probably#even that plan is out of reach now. idk man sorry for venting all the time lately but every day I'm like I should just give up lol#but then I'd have to restart two years of effort if I were to switch for next fall and I'm already getting older and it's like. well.#guess I'll just die lmao#I really do want to do pathology/coronary work it's a legit fascination of mine but. maybe it just wasn't meant to be#I need a vent blog or smth sorry for making you people know me like this lol#saint.txt
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I think one of my biggest self insert oc/sona artist dreads is making designs based after my own physical appearance and someone genuinely comes forwards to say "you stole my oc/you stole my design" Do I just go up to all the mirrors and cameras in my home and smash them as punishment then? It sounds like a plan but I don't think it's the correct one...herrrm
#9/10 someone is not stealing from you#never been that 1 either with other's designs lmao#why would I need to?#I'm an artist with a creative mind and I can make design choices for myself#have an appropriate calm conversation with someone and NOT blow up and make assumptions that fuel your anxiety even more#you need to learn how to be a safe individual online but ALSO not treat everyone as a threat and be a condescending ass#btw this post isn't about anything recently with me it's just in my head from seeing other stuff on twitter from another much bigger artist#people are way too mean to strangers and it's honestly so exhausting#we may have glanced at each other in a hallway several moons back but don't act like I know the numbers on the back of your debit card#your memory means nothing in my brain#ya know?#I am more closed off than ya think lmao
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FUCK. THE SONIC SPLATOON POST. I FORGOT ABOUT IT. my brain sucks so bad i got hung up on a minor logical inconsistency that i couldn’t resolve without compromising my vision so i just stopped making progress and my 3 day time limit was up so my interest drifted to. playing splatoon. and watching people play splatoon. which you’d think would make me more interested in talking about splatoon but it didn’t. and now i’ve got other things to spend my time on. whoopsies
#my main problems were with a couple weapon choices i was shaky on#but moreso that i had 10 main players i actually cared to think deeply about but splatoon is a 4 player per team game#so i couldn’t fit them into teams neatly which was killing me#i won’t prune them down to 8 and i couldn’t make any additions up to 12 work in my head#thats my main issue#honestly i think i could just cut out stuff abt teams other than the obvious and solid one#but other than that i just still have 1 character that i fully need to explain and 4 that i need to add more detail to#plus some general polish#so like. it’s an eventuality probably#just postponed for a while until i’m motivated again or in immense pain again. whichever comes first#my interest in splatoon and sonic have both been going strong for like 8-9 months now so it’s not gonna fizzle completely#2.5k words still sitting pretty in a tumblr draft lmao#i’ll get around to it eventually ✌️#rambles#splatposting
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atlus announcing they will not bring back femc ever on international women's day is what will either drive me to kill myself or commit a crime. it's a toss up on which one actually happens
#when im in a women hating competition and my rival is atlus#AGHHHHH IM SO MAD!!!!!!!#yes i knew already chances were extremely slim im not that much of an optimist sadly. but an official announcement is heartbreaking#and the date they announced it (its still the 8th in japan too) only makes it hurt more#and tbh i should have known they were going to ignore her altogether after giving makoto aspects of her route beyond the links with the guy#(i mean they are called links but they are not the same as the ones kotone has yk. or even the same feature as social links)#like wanting to save jim or attempting to kill takaya (things makoto originally CANNOT do)#shes soooo much more interesting honestly even if her journey is the same as makotos#and other than the two i previously mentioned her different dialogue choices show a lot more personality lmao#and her social links are so......... 🚬 reload players will never experience the epic highs and lows of shinjiros social link#whatever. im normal i promise im normal 😀 i just need atlus dead thats all#my post
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trying not to focus on just how much blood there was on barton was perhaps the hardest task for matilda to undergo thus far. and that might be surprising, considering that stitching someone up was not usually an easy task. but her own sense of tiredness and worry seemed to reach a peak at that moment because it was upsetting to see someone you love injured. regardless of how bad it was, really. so matilda was sort of glad in a way that barton was asleep now because that meant she could finally let her feelings out. after snatching up one of the pillows that barton wasn't using, matilda held it up to her face before screaming in it.
why her father always had to get himself into deep trouble, she didn't know. but sometimes it angered matilda how reckless he could be. though she knew that it was likely that what barton had done to his head was done because it would help him and jervis escape, a part of her still wished he hadn't done it. just imagine if matilda's father had hit his head in a place that killed him. then, what would she do? what would they all do? matilda didn't even care about what jervis had done to her anymore. she had an image to uphold while barton was awake, that she was someone nonchalant and who kept her cool under pressure. but that couldn't always be true.
matilda flopped down at the very end of the bed then and unceremoniously removed the pillow from her face. looking up at barton from where she'd laid was difficult, but not impossible, so from her point of view — matilda could see that he was sweating in his sleep and she thought to get up then only to remove his shoes. barton's jacket came next, which was pretty bloody now, so hopefully that'd make him feel less hot. matilda discarded her own shoes next to his before looking into the corner of the warehouse once more. jervis was there, in all of his scared glory... she knew this. though matilda merely walked the opposite way towards the fridge in the area.
the first thing she took out was an iv bag and almost didn't take out two bottles of water but decided to in the end as well. grabbing any other things she might need for the iv was next. and although she had no clue how jervis would react to this, one of those bottles was placed on the floor near him once matilda reached his corner. she let out a shallow breath before saying, ❝ i'm sorry about grabbing you back there. i shouldn't have done that, but here's some water. ❞ matilda didn't stick around to hear what jervis had to say (if anything) about that, as her legs carried her back to barton's bedside. due to her having practiced doing it plenty of times, she was able to insert a port into his arm without much hassle, hooking the bag on the pole right next to the bed.
sliding down to sit in front of the bed is what matilda resigned to do to try to ease some of her own fatigue. gulping water down desperately as if she hadn't had anything to drink in forever might've looked a little weird, but she didn't care. matilda cleared her throat and projected her voice towards jervis then with a small, mischievous smile, ❝ so... do you want to hear about what they said about you two on the news, or what? because it was kind of funny in my opinion. ❞
The tension in the room was palpable, and the blood from the gashes on Barton's scalp still trickled slowly. Jervis watched Matilda from his vantage point in the shadows, crouching in the dimmest part of the room and holding his messenger bag tightly to his chest like a makeshift barrier. He could see the subtle clenching of her jaw as she surveyed her bruised wrist, the flicker of defiance in her eyes. He leaned back against the wall, letting out a slow breath as he glanced at Barton, who had finally succumbed to exhaustion, slumping into a restless sleep while she meticulously cleaned and stitched his wound.
His leg throbbed incessantly, as did his right shoulder from where Matilda's nails had unknowingly sunk deep into the old scar tissue there. Jervis pushed up his glasses, ran his fingers through his hair to shake off the sensation of tiny needles and threads poking at his head. The pin, still warm from his touch, gleamed in his other hand. He didn't want to use it again. He hadn't wanted any of this. Violence wasn't his nature, but desperation had driven him to actions he never thought he'd take, nearly led him to cross a line he hadn't dared consider broaching before now. Somehow, he doubted that would mollify the growing distance between himself and the Mathises.
You just had to let the side down again, didn't you, Jervis? The story of your life. Couldn't leave well enough alone. Were you hoping that Barton would beat the Bat or Gotham's boys in blue to the punch? Perhaps if he'd had a bigger knife... The faint outline of yet another scar, measuring roughly three inches in length, was just visible beneath his collar on the left side of Jervis’ neck. He felt a chill run down his spine as he envisioned Barton's blade or fingernails slicing through the scar tissue, imagined it tearing open and oozing blood and ichor like an overripe orange left out in the sun. It was no worse than what Jervis did to Marty’s partner, in the grand scheme of things, and only fair…
Matilda clearly wasn’t about to ask for his help, and he couldn’t blame her. The shadows in the room seemed to grow longer. As things currently stood, Jervis found himself at a crossroads. He could either make a quick escape before Barton recovered or Matilda carried out her threat. After all, he was no stranger to roughing it out in the open and maneuvering through dark alleys. However, Gotham was a different beast compared to London. Besides, if they truly wanted to follow through on their idea of killing him, he had half a mind to let them try, if only for some morbid curiosity. If nothing else, Jervis hoped that tonight's events had proved he was not one to go down without a fight, that he was prepared to do whatever it took to protect himself.
He shifted slightly, the movement drawing Matilda’s attention for a brief moment. Their eyes met, and in that instant, Jervis saw a flicker of something—perhaps understanding, more likely suspicion and resentment, or maybe just fatigue. He inclined his head and gave her a lopsided squint, before schooling his features into a fish-eyed mien and turning away. Apologies felt hollow, and explanations were pointless. He slid his gloved fingers back into his coat, and then reached for Alice's stuffed rabbit with a gentle touch.
#divingdownthehole#tw: mentions of a head injury#tw: minor medical procedures.#tw: blood.#OOH how exquisite 👀 that was a very good choice for a recommendation might i say!! it definitely went well with your-#reply as i was reading it haha buttt yes... this is true. we just can't seem to let go of these two it seems / j LMAO i'm kidding#but OMG you are??? emi that is such a huge compliment though bc i was kind of afraid that that part of my reply was boring NGL#but i'm glad to hear that since that means that i'm doing something right with it and it really does make me happy to hear-#that you like the subtext / worldbuilding stuff that i inserted into here 🥺 so TYSMMM and i absolutely loved reading every minute-#of your reply so i can assure you the feeling is more than mutual!! but AHH yeah i had to put that in here bc it just... it made my heart-#both happy and sad okok ;; but ohh? I'M SO GLAD you liked that comparison OMGGG. you are just being way too darn sweet to me-#right now you know that? 😭 ILYSM!!!! and honestly i cannot say i blame him for being done with the both of them right now.#they are a handful and i say that bc what it took for barton to be quiet for literally JUST a second was him passing out so 💀#man's miiight need to learn that he doesn't need to talk all the time NGL LMAO but yeah. the poor guy's heart really is a LOT kinder-#in comparison to both of theirs and it seems like that is just. Torture for him in some ways AHHH#OOH btw my own song recommendation for this one is 'september' but the instrumental version by sparky deathcap :D
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"HoW Is YouR Self EstEEm ThaT hiGh" girl I am my dream girl. I am my type 100%. Would be outside that window with a whole orchestra, a helicopter and truck full of flowers to ask myself out. I just know my parents high five each other when they see me. God looks at me and thinks hell yeah I am perfect I created that one. Like, I know God loves me because he created me. I have built myself up in blood and tears and nothing but grit and a vision. I would literally kiss the ground I walk on. Is it narcissism if I'm just the best though. Is it a god-complex if I'm just honestly worthy of worship. The hell I'd be thinking letting some person treat me badly lmao? My standards are not high they are just level with where I am. I'm not proud I'm realistic and you just don't see my reality. I don't need to set my standards I live them everything else is just foreign matter and i don't fw aliens like that. I am sure of myself because I created myself. I am both the sculptor and the sculpture. People treat me well because they have no choice it is the only way you can access me. I am my bare minimum. I am the lowest I am willing to go. See the vision? It's not ego it's knowledge. I don't look at myself in the mirror to make baseless affirmations i do the thing. I don't tell myself I am a millionaire I just make millions. I don't tell myself I'm pretty I eat healthy, get beauty treatments and pour a lot of effort into my looks I don't need to affirm a reality. I don't tell a mirror I'm smart I study and read and throw myself into experiences I know I'm smart I work on it. i don't tell myself people like me, I pour effort into my friends and social skills and make myself likeable if they don't like me it's because we don't match. I don't mindlessly consume content to idolize strangers or play them down I go out there and get what I need. I don't dream about my life I create it. I get what I want because I don't mind working for it. I get whatever I want because I am willing to bleed for it because I decided I am worth the things I want. This is not an affirmation it's a fact. My ego is not based on abstract sentences it's based on evidence. I am the best I can be it's a truth. A hard core truth based on mountains of evidence. I am my own prize I have fought to be the person I am and won. When i say I'm the best I'm not being egoistical I have receipts. Of course my self esteem is high it has no choice.
BMAC
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I've never sent a request before, but I'm fiending for more adam, like anything, anything at all
Benefit of the doubt
Adam x 3rd Spouse! Reader
Viewer discretion is advised
Warnings: Angst(?), Not exactly fluff at the end but it gets better, typical Adam TW’s, reader low-key high-key has a complex about being loved, this is set way before the show, and Gn! Reader. (Also Y/n isn’t used, which also surprised me, the author, LMAO)
Part 2 Part 3 Part 4
Request Box: Open
Word count: 1760
A/N: Hi! Thanks for the request! I haven’t had a chance to write something that was originally my own idea in a while, so this was very refreshing! I’ve had this idea since I’ve watched the show so I hope you enjoy it!
I’m entirely up for making a small series from this oneshot, but I would need to know y’all’s opinion on it! (So don’t feel scared to let me know if you want some more of this idea in my Request box/the replies on this post!!)
Also Adam may be slightly OOC but please just chalk it up to him not yet getting his ego’s dick sucked 24/7
Anyways, I hope you all enjoy, let me know if you do!
Proofread but of course could have left mistakes!
You’ve existed for almost all of human existence, Almost.
You were the 4th being to be created during the time of Eden. But unlike the other 3, you weren’t human. In fact, you technically never lived before. An honestly hopeless existence, yet it was so beautiful in every way. But for what purpose? Well…
You were created shortly after Eve ate the apple, before she and eventually Adam committed the first act of sin that caused evil to latch onto humanity like a leech.
The reason for your existence was simple. To be Adam’s new spouse, except for when after he died. From the very moment Eve bit the fruit of temptation, it was already decided she would hold no place in heaven. Adam was given mercy due to him not possessing any knowledge of the fruit Eve had shared with him, he trusted her wholeheartedly. Which is exactly why heaven gave him mercy… no, pity would be a better choice of words.
Upon your creation you learned immediately of the happenings before your existence. About Lilith and Eve, and about Lucifer
And so, after Adam and Eve were casted away from the Garden, they continued to live their lives, fostering the existence of mankind for the rest of time. And when they eventually died, Adam was given pity while Eve was thrown to the wayside, the vast unknown.
You thought it was finally your time to experience existence with the one you loved, the one you were made for. Of course you never would know life as he did but surely your life never-after life could be just as meaningful as his.
How excited you were, how completely enamored by the thought of it. But there was a problem with that, Adam had grown into a new person, he was meant to of course, he was human. But he had grown selfish, abhorrent… insecure.
You understood why, to be betrayed by not one but two of his wives for the same person. You couldn’t possibly imagine what he could be feeling. Before you were to meet your future husband, Sera informed you that he had asked for a mask, and once on, he has refused to take it off.
That didn’t bother you, it’s irrelevant to your love for him. You've only heard descriptions of his features. Short Brown hair, gold eyes, bushy eyebrows, some scruff on his chin. All in all, he sounded perfectly fine, ordinary even. But even then it’s his choice to wear the mask, so you’ll respect it.
Finally, the time he arrived in heaven, and when Sera finally introduced you, his new spouse, the one to whom would be by his side for the rest of forever.
He rejected you outright.
“What?” Your breath hitched as you stuttered over the word, the sharp inhale of your lungs through your mouth flicked through the air.
Sera looked just as shocked as you but she quickly regained her composure “What is the meaning of this Adam?”
“If you think I’m going to let my life get fucked over by another one of your “gifts” well, you’ve got another thing coming!” He crossed his arms and shook his head defyingly. “I’ve already learned my lesson with those last 2 bitches.”
“Adam I’m sorry that happened to you but I would never-“ almost like lightning his finger shot to your mouth, shushing you.
“Save it, Sweetcheeks, I really don’t care what you have to say, so just stay there and look pretty, k?” His hand fell and grabbed the sides of your face, squishing your cheeks together, his LED mask flashing a sharp smile.
You saddeningly looked down at the clouds below you.
“Adam!” Sera’s voice sounded through the air, still soft but firm, she continued, placing a hand on your shoulder, “Divine judgment allowed you to be the first human soul in heaven, so I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I expect you to give your new spouse that same grace.”
Slowly your eyes looked up at Sera with a soft smile. Adam only groaned “Ugh, Fine but don’t be fuxking annoying, capiche?” You nod your head quickly.
“Very good, glad we have it settled.” Sera gives a quick smile, “now, I have some business to take care of so I’ll leave you two alone to get to know one another” With that, Sera flew away leaving the both of you alone.
The silence was thick in the air, the only sound being the occasional wind breeze blowing past. The sunlight creeps in through the clouds painting an orange sky above you both. In every sense of the word, it was perfect.
It was almost funny. You had waited so long to finally meet him, your true love, the one you were made for. All the things you dreamed about, the laughs you’d have together, the warm embrace of the person who you loved. But now… you didn’t know what to say…
“I’m… happy to finally meet you.” Your voice is quiet, almost non-audible. “I’ve been waiting for you since… well, forever…”
He doesn’t respond. He seems to be transfixed on something below you both. You train your eyes on whatever he’s watching only to see the dark cavernous abyss below you. Finally he breaks his silence.
“The fuck is that?” He asked pointing down, a sound of genuine intrigue hidden behind his abrasive voice
“That’s hell?” You stated confused “where would-be sinners will go to be punished, didnt you k-“ you suddenly realized that perhaps Adam really didn’t know what hell was. It was only created relatively recently, after Eve and Him ate the apple, of course he wouldn’t know. “it’s also where Lucifer-“
“Don’t fucking say his name.” Adam spoke, his voice rough in his speech. LED mask putting a harsh frown on his face. “Let’s get one thing straight M”Kay babe, if you’re my “new spouse” that’s something you should remember.” The “new spouse” was said with a tone clearly meant to mock you.
“Sorry…”
“Ugh, It’s fine, just don’t do it again.” He groaned before a wicked smile crept onto his mask “Sooo, that means he’s going to be stuck with all the wasteful beings of existence, HA fuxkin’ hilarious. Guess that makes them the losers and us the Winners!”
His laugh filled the air, the sound was like music to your ears, sure maybe it wasn’t really what you’d hoped he’d fine funny, but you loved it all the same but eventually his laugh died down
Silence again… in admits of all of it you suddenly was sparked with a thought “oh!” Adam looked confused at the random exclamation. “I had almost forgotten… I brought you something, as a welcome gift or was it a nice to meet you gift? Both? Eh, it doesn’t matter but the point is-“ you suddenly snap your fingers.
Golden light began shining, the light seemed like liquid hot magma as it moved and molded slowly into a shape. Light seemed to be overlapping and churning into itself, forming your desired outcome. With one final snap of your fingers, the gleaming gold liquid took hold, and quickly hardened to a solid.
The object that had formed quickly fell down, landing in your arms with a light thud.
“I’m still learning this creation stuff, so I’m sorry if it’s not perfect but-“ you hold out the object in your arms as an invitation to grab it “I learned from Sera that you liked to play guitar when you were alive, so I thought you might like to have one here…”
Adam looked at the instrument in your hands. The base color was gold, the neck was pearly white with gold strings. To be honest it looked more like a harp then anything, like if a guitar and a harp had a baby.
Silence again. Did he not like it? Did he hate it? You go to pull it back to you and apologize when suddenly it’s ripped out from your hands.
“Holyshit, this is sick as Fuck!” Adam immediately started playing some rifts on the new guitar. The sound wasn’t what you were expecting but you guess Sera was right about his talent with the instrument. The whole time his mask had a wide and sharp smile as he mimicked guitar sounds with his voice, the occasional laugh leaving his mouth.
“I’m really glad you like it” you say, a sigh of relief leaving your body.
Adam looked at you, one you missed. He saw how relieved you were, how nice you were being. No person who supposedly loved him ever gifted him something, well, one other did. Someone he trusted and loved more than everyone, anyone. But look how that ended, with them being removed from the garden, away from an eternity of happiness until he died. All from someone giving him what he thought was nothing but love, a gift.
But he could see that this was different, you were different. When Eve gave him the apple, she didn’t explain what it was or why she wanted him to eat it, even when he asked her she didn’t explain. But with you, you had not only given him something you knew he liked but also expressed the reason behind it. Yes, you were different, even Adam could see it.
“Anyways, thanks for the axe, I guess…” Adam for the first time was stunned, but quickly he continued “What was the thing that Sera chick said about me and “divine judgment” or whatever the fuck? That she gave me the “benefit of the doubt…”
You were a bit confused but continued listening, “I guess I should at least try to give you a chance, since you got me this sick ass guitar an’ shit.” Your face lit up, you about began to speak before you were, once again, shushed “B-B-But-” his finger tapped your lips with each repeated syllable ”-only a chance. If you betray me like those last 2 bitches then you’re done, got it?”
To say you were overjoyed would be an understatement, a smile quickly plastered across your face as you quickly nodded your head
“Alright good, so uh, what do ya say about showing me the best places to get a bite to eat around here, I could really go for some ribs right about now.”
“ I’d… love to, thank you Adam”
“Yeah don’t mention it Sweetcheeks” Adam quickly wrapped his arm around your shoulder and you two began walking.
Maybe you will get your eternity of happiness.you can only pray you do.
#Hazbin hotel#hazbin#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin x reader#hazbin hotel x gn reader#hazbin hotel x female reader#hazbin hotel x male reader#Hazbin x gn reader#Hazbin x female reader#Hazbin x male reader#adam x reader#Adam x gn reader#Adam x female reader#Adam x male reader#hazbin hotel adam#hazbin adam#hazbin hotel adam x reader#Hazbin Adam x reader#Hazbin hotel Adam x gn reader#Hazbin hotel Adam x female reader#Hazbin hotel Adam x male reader#Hazbin Adam x gn reader#Hazbin Adam x female reader#hazbin adam x male reader#light angst#angst with a happy ending#x reader#x male reader#character x male reader#fanfic
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omggg I love ur Lottie!reader hc’s! Could you do one where the reader acts like Tiana? A super independent, great cook and no-nonsense gal with good humor is someone I think the whole gang would rlly love
Gang w/ a Tiana!Reader ˚୨୧⋆。˚ ⋆
The Outsiders x Fem!Reader
୨୧ : Curtis gang with a reader who’s like Tiana from ‘Princess and the Frog’
A/N : Why does my theme mess up when I do requests kms. Once again, sorry if these are a bit short <\3 I have so many other requests I’m working on so bare with me
˖⁺‧₊˚ 🐸 ˚₊‧⁺˖
Darry
୨ IMO, he’d be the best choice for someone with that personality to be paired with
୨ The gang is terrified of pissing either of you off
୨ My ongoing hc/scenario of him = throwing flour at each other whilst cooking together continues to hold up
୨ He thinks you’re the perfect mix of sweet with a bit of sour
୨ If you have a little restaurant, etc; he’s always gloating about it
୨ He’s honestly a little shy about it like one of his coworkers asks abt you during a lunch break and he’s just like “Well….🤭🤭🤭”
୨ You guys both share your parents recipes with each other
୨ He’s the one who’s always cooking for his brothers/the guys, so it’s helpful when he gets a bigger range of things to make
୨ Also helpful that you offer to cook with him or just do it yourself sometimes
୨ He gets pretty worried when he notices you overworking yourself (ironic.)
୨ You both try to help each other through it and take some burdens off one another’s shoulders
୨ You’re both super independent; power couple
Two-Bit
୨ You love to cook, he loves to eat
୨ You’re his saving grace
୨ You also match his sense of humor which makes you the full package in his eyes
୨ He can’t compliment you without you brushing him off and he hates it LMAO
୨ He just wants to butter you up but you’re so humble
୨ Then again, he gets all shy when you start sweet-talking him back
୨ You spoil him with food constantly
୨ “Baby, you’re an amazing cook ‘n all, but I’m gainin’ a bit of a belly-” then you just shut him up by stuffing his mouth with more food
୨ You don’t gaf about his weight you just like coddling your funny lil’ handsome guy
୨ Like I said, he cannot stop complimenting you, like it’s impossible for him
୨ He thinks you’re perfect and feels the need to constantly rub it in other people’s faces that they don’t have someone like you
୨ Like he bagged a woman who can cook, is funny, nice, gorgeous, and stays humble about all of it????
୨ It will forever be his greatest achievement
Steve
୨ You keep him in check
୨ He can be such a smartass sometimes but he learned not to mess around with you fast
୨ Just sits and watches you cook sometimes because he’s so mesmerized by it
୨ He debates on stealing ads for your restaurant he sees around town since he’s so proud of you but then he decides it’s probably bad to lower your promo
୨ He says “There’s my favorite chef 😋” with the dumbest grin on his face whenever he sees you after a while of being apart
୨ If anyone dares to say something bad about you or your food, etc- his ass is NOT having it
୨ His smart-ness comes in handy in cases like that
୨ Like I said, you can handle your own and he’s lowkey giggling and kicking his feet on the inside whenever he gets to witness it
୨ He’s like yes!!!! That’s my girl!!! 😣😣
୨ Borderline moans when he tastes something new of yours and you can’t tell if he’s playing it up or being serious
Dallas
୨ You walk him like a dog I’m crying
୨ You’re really kind most of the time, but he loves that you’re also able to handle yourself
୨ Like going to Buck’s together and some guy is being weird, he thinks he’ll have to step in but you handle it just fine on your own
୨ He wanted you to have his children after that.
୨ Anyways, you’re also really caring over him
୨ Not to mention super loyal which he’s not used to
୨ You always clean him up after fights (not without scolding him tho)
୨ Once again, if you own a place yourself or at least work somewhere, he’s always showing up out of the blue
୨ He reluctantly agrees to be on his best behavior when he visits
୨ That being said, when he hangs out with Pony and Johnny, he’s always bringing them there for food
୨ He tries to flirt with you whilst you’re on-job and you do not have any of it
Soda
୨ He’s always ready to be a taste-tester whenever you try a new recipe
୨ He’s just so supportive I’m sobbing I love him
୨ You pack him lil’ sweets for him to snack on during his shifts at the DX
୨ He watches you passionately talk about cooking/your job with hearts in his eyes
୨ Whenever girls come into the the DX to flirt with him, he takes the chance to promote your business/the place you work LMAOO
୨ He worries a bunch when you start working more than normal
୨ He tries to get you to take breaks but then you’re like “?? You do the same thing with your job” and he’s just like “Ah.. well, you got me there.”
୨ Realistically though, he gets where you’re coming from about “the only way to get what you want is through hard work” and relates to it
୨ That still doesn’t stop him from pouting when you seem more tired than usual when you take longer shifts, etc
୨ You start helping him and his brothers out financially once you start making more money
୨ He cries.
Johnny
୨ You try to help him with his confidence since you’ve got a lot of it yourself
୨ You make him feel secure
୨ You’re also a pretty big inspiration for him
୨ He doesn’t eat great considering his living conditions other than when he goes over to the Curtis’, so he’s basically getting full course meals when he’s with you
୨ You encourage him to get multiple helpings/take a few bites before the food’s done but then scold the other guys when they try to LMAO
୨ “Oh, so Johnny can eat it early but not us??”
୨ “What- was I supposed to let him STARVE?!?! 🙄”
୨ You care about him so much and always make sure he’s away from his parents as much as possible
୨ You’re aware he can also handle himself the same way you can, but you’re still protective over him nonetheless
୨ You have confronted his mom before and desperately tried to keep your usual down-to-earth and kind demeanor, but it didn’t work. At all.
୨ You and Two-Bit are one in the same when it comes to that woman
Pony
୨ He is SCARFING your food down
୨ I’m dead it’ll be gone so fast, he can’t help it
୨ Loves that you’re so headstrong since he’s the same way
୨ Anyways, imagine he brings home a small box filled with something you made him from school & Steve’s like “Where’d you get that from?? 🤨” and he gets all smug about it
୨ He refuses to let him have even the smallest bite
୨ You get along really easy with everyone and he loves that about you
୨ You’re always sticking up for him if he’s getting made fun of at school, on the street, etc
୨ It makes his lil’ heart hammer in his chest
୨ He visits you during your waitressing shifts
୨ Like he studies and does homework up at the counter while you work and he takes glances up at you every now and then AHHHHH
୨ He also probably does yours for you depending on how busy you are
୨ You repay him with food on the house though 😊
୨ Darry’s always asking him where he’s been and he’s like “… the diner in town…🧍” and he’s still suspicious but he’s just glad he’s not getting into trouble
#the outsiders#the outsiders fanfiction#outsiders#the outsiders imagine#the outsiders x reader#the outsiders x you#curtis gang#curtis gang x reader#darrel curtis#darry curtis#darry curtis x reader#two bit x reader#two bit mathews x reader#two bit mathews#steve randle x reader#steve randle#dallas winston#dallas winston x reader#sodapop curtis x reader#sodapop curtis#sodapop x reader#johnny cade#johnny cade x reader#ponyboy x reader#ponyboy curtis x reader#ponyboy curtis#princess and the frog#princess tiana
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Good Vibrations Two
This AU got a lot more attention than I expected actually hfjdks I'm so glad everyone likes it!
Anyway, here's part two! We get some concert, some peeks at how Robin helps Steve navigate social situations, and a little Eddie having an itsy-bitsy crisis over Steve's fashion choices.
Have fun! And, as always, if you see any typos, no you didn't (especially for this one since I wrote most of it on my phone actually lmao)
----
Steve stares at the shirts laid out on his bed, arms crossed over his chest. Choosing jeans had been easy, but choosing a shirt is giving him trouble. What do you wear to a metal show at the local dive bar for a small-town band in which the lead singer is a long-time and way-out-of-your-league crush that you've been holding a candle for since the first time you saw him laugh on top of a cafeteria table?
You definitely don't show up in a plain black shirt, that's for sure.
The lights in the hall outside Steve's room flicker, switching off and on three times. Steve just barely notices, which means he doesn't get his pants scared off when Robin appears in the doorway, grinning at him while pocketing the key to the front door he'd given her months ago into a messenger bag. "Hey, dingus," she says, striding into the room and flopping onto the bed.
Steve rolls his eyes, yanking the shirts out from under her and laying them once more over Robin's stomach and legs. "What shirt should I wear?" he asks.
It takes a few seconds for Steve to look from the shirts to Robin, and she patiently waits until he's staring at her to say, "Just pick one. Nobody's gonna care what you're wearing."
"I care," Steve says, frowning as he looks back at the shirts. For the aforementioned crush reason, Steve cares very much about the shirt he wears. "What says 'Hi, we've never talked before but your music is the only thing I can hear and I think your hair is in desperate need of quality shampoo and also I've been halfway in love with you since, like, sophomore year'?"
Robin considers the question for a long moment before picking up a red sweater. "This one says 'I'm horny'," she offers.
Steve blinks, staring at the sweater for a few beats before laughing. "But I'm not," he says.
Despite looking at Robin, she happens to angle her head toward the sweater, and her response is lost on Steve. He frowns, waits until her jaw has stopped moving, and says, "I didn't get that."
After Robin first learned about Steve's deafness, he'd been overly anxious about asking her to repeat things. Somehow, it was worse to constantly ask when the person knew he couldn't hear well, if at all. But Robin had never shown annoyance; she'd just adjust her posture, make sure Steve could see her lips, and repeat her words. She does all of this now, and Steve gets to read her joking response, "Yeah, but you will be."
And, yeah, she has him there. Steve huffs and collapses onto the bed beside her, sacrificing the shirts. "I'll need a jacket," he says, turning his head to look at Robin so he can read her response.
Instead of words, though, he sees her face light up, and she jumps off the bed. Steve sits up, watching as she digs in her messenger bag before pulling out a t-shirt. "Remember when I stayed over a few weeks ago? And you let me borrow a shirt? You should wear it!"
Thankfully, Robin waits until she's done talking to throw the shirt in Steve's face. Honestly, he only understood a few words ("remember," "borrow," and "wear") but he's gathered enough context clues to get the gist of things.
He spreads the shirt out, humming at the Iron Maiden design. It's not one he wears often; for the most part, it's a shirt he wears on lazy days at home because of how soft it is. But as he's studying the design, Steve is suddenly hit with a stroke of pure genius.
He quickly changes into the shirt and then grabs a varsity jacket (not his letterman, but one he'd seen at the mall and bought on a whim because it used a nice shade of yellow) off his desk, tugging it on over the shirt but leaving it unbuttoned. After a few more seconds of digging around, he finds sneakers under the bed and tugs them on.
"Okay," he says, turning so Robin can see the outfit from every angle. He comes to a stop when he's facing her once more, hands buried in his jacket pockets, and asks, "What do you think? How's it look?"
"I think you'll give Eddie a crisis," Robin replies, wrinkling her nose at the varsity jacket. "Not, like, a bad one. But he'll probably ask where you got the shirt from."
Steve grins, thinking that sounds about perfect, and turns to study himself in the mirror. It's a surprisingly solid blend of metal and jock, and it makes him feel oddly confident, the same way he felt the first time he did his hair just right and everyone complimented it.
"Perfect," he decides. "Let's go."
----
The ride to the Hideout isn't exactly quiet, but it's not like Steve can talk and drive at the same time. So it's filled with music blasted as high as it can go on his car stereo, causing the whole vehicle to vibrate with each beat. When he finally turns the car off after parking, Robin grimaces as she rubs her ears.
She waits for Steve to be in front of her before saying, "We're putting the windows down next time."
"Oh. Sorry," Steve says, rubbing the back of his neck a little awkwardly as Robin dismissively waves off his apology.
"No, it's fine, I'm just saying. Now, let's get inside before they start."
With that, she loops her arm through Steve's and drags him into the Hideout. They're hit with a wave of cigarette smoke, spilled beer, and sweat as they walk through the door, the combined smells making Steve dizzy. He frowns, leaning closer to Robin as she squeezes his arm. He feels her thumb tap him twice, their code for asking if the other is okay.
"I'm fine," he mumbles, nodding to a table in the corner. "Let's go sit. I just need to get used to...everything."
The lights are weird, too. Despite the place being dim, the few lights that are on are flickering, and Steve is having trouble processing all the new information his (working) senses are taking in.
Thankfully, Robin pulls him over to the table he pointed to, a small circle near a stage of dubious sturdiness. It looks like it can barely hold the instruments, much less those plus the people who will play them. There's an amp on the side of the stage near the table, which means they'll have the perfect spot to feel the music's vibrations. Steve slides into one of the chairs there and closes his eyes, resting his arms on a table that is surprisingly not sticky.
He feels Robin move the other chair next to him, slide in, and start pulling things out of her bag. When Steve opens his eyes again, there's a notebook between them and a variety of pens in all different colors spread out across the open pages. Robin has already picked up a red pen and is writing with it as Steve chooses a purple one.
When Robin is done writing, she taps the page so Steve can read, "Want something to drink?"
"I'm not sure we can trust the glasses here," he writes back.
"The fact you're calling them "glasses" tells me everything. Just sit tight."
With that, Robin drops her pen, winks at Steve, and heads over to the bar where a woman is wiping the counter. Steve watches her for a few seconds before looking around at the other people in the place. Most of them are sitting in groups, talking amongst themselves. Most of them also have mustaches or beards, making it downright impossible for Steve to read their lips.
Instead, Steve just gets a dull kind of rush in his ears, an ever-present background noise he can't escape. Soon enough, maybe because he's thinking about it too much, a high-pitched ringing starts up in his right ear, growing and growing in pitch until it's all he can focus on. Steve grimaces and looks down at the notebook, trying to keep his shoulders relaxed so he doesn't look as tense as he feels. The ringing persists, and he rubs his ear like that's going to help.
His ear is still ringing, though it has started to diminish, when a water bottle is placed in front of him. Steve jerks, forcing himself to calm down as Robin slides into her seat again with a mug of beer that's more foam than anything else. "They're about to start," she says, waiting until Steve has nodded once to show understanding before taking a sip.
Steve looks up at the stage and wonders how he missed Eddie and his friends arriving. As his friends are setting up behind him, Eddie is resting one hand on the neck of his guitar and using the other to hold the mic close to his mouth. Steve can't read his lips, but Eddie's grin is a little contagious as he says something to a guy by the bar. The guy must say something back, because Eddie bursts out laughing, his head thrown back to show off a neck Steve wants to bite.
A tap on his arm brings his attention away, and he looks at the notebook to see Robin has scrawled out a transcript:
"Eddie: Thanks for coming out tonight, everyone
Guy: Fuck off, Munson
Eddie: Love you, too, Jeremy"
Steve snorts, looking up to see Robin's equally amused smile as she continues to write on another page. When he glances at the stage, Steve sees Eddie still talking into the mic, his eyes roaming over the audience until they reach Steve and Robin. Eddie seems to grip the mic tighter, and he holds Steve's eyes for a few seconds, giving just enough time for Steve to wave awkwardly before Eddie looks away. But his smile seems a little bigger than before, and Steve is happy to let himself think he caused it.
When he looks down again, Robin has finished writing, and she nudges the notebook closer to him. Eddie must talk fast, because her writing is almost indistinguishable from chicken scratch in dirt that a cat got dragged through. Thankfully, Steve is an expert at this point.
"Eddie: Anyway, you know the drill. We'll start with some Metallica, treat you to Iron Maiden, throw in a dash of Black Sabbath, and then grace you with a Corroded Coffin original. If you don't like it, not my problem."
Steve feels the beginning of the set as he finishes reading. He sits a little straighter, planting his feet firmly on the floor and placing his palms on the table with his fingers spread. Robin is still writing next to him, most likely transcribing the bits and pieces of conversation she can hear for Steve to read later and laugh at. She doesn't try to get his attention while she does, already knowing it won't be worth it after Steve has shifted into Music Mode.
In the same way that people can tell what song is playing based simply on the first note, Steve can sometimes tell based on the strength and length of the first vibration. In the same way people know the lyrics of songs after listening to them enough times, Steve knows the vibration patterns like the back of his hand. In the same way people who hear their favorite songs played live can tell when a note is wrong or a lyric is sung too fast, Steve can tell when the drummer or bassist makes tiny mistakes that wouldn't be caught otherwise.
And Steve loves it. He loves how his entire body thrums with each vibration that travels from the amp. He loves how he can close his eyes and picture a story based on the music, one that probably doesn't match the lyrics but tends to replace them in his heart. He loves that this is something he can still share with his friends, even if most of them don't realize how different his experience with music is.
So, for all the little bumps and dips that occur in the vibrations as Corroded Coffin plays, for all the tiny slips that certainly go unnoticed by anyone else, and for all the fact that Steve doesn't get to hear Eddie's voice, he can confidently say he loves the show. He's never heard the songs played like this before, and it helps diminish the gut-deep desperation for new music.
And then Corroded Coffin starts a new song. It's one Steve doesn't recognize, one with vibrations that are completely foreign to him, and he jerks his head up to watch Eddie play his guitar in an opening solo. It thrums across the floor, climbing up his legs and spreading in waves from his palms on the table. Steve feels goosebumps chase after it, a new wave washing over him when the guitar solo ends with a particularly strong vibration that's immediately followed by the drums and bass.
Eddie throws himself into the music, moving and twisting and strutting around the stage like he's playing to Madison Square Garden. Steve can't look away, the lyrics incomprehensible but replaced by the jerk of Eddie's hips and the tilt of his head and the little half-spin he does on his heel.
It ends too quickly with one final, reverberating strum that lingers in Steve's bones, burrowing into his marrows as Eddie pushes his hair back and grins into the mic. He says something breathlessly, his shoulders rising and falling rapidly as he tries to catch his breath, and Steve knows he's gone.
He's hopeless.
He's desperate.
He needs more Corroded Coffin, more Eddie, in whatever form he can get.
----
For the first time, Corroded Coffin gets genuine applause after playing. Usually, the patrons of the Hideout will politely clap (if they even notice the set is over) for about two seconds. Tonight, however, Eddie and his friends are graced with excited clapping, a few shouts, and one very strong whistle from a small table to the left of the stage. And it spreads because even rough biker dudes can fall to peer pressure when it's that enthusiastic.
So, yeah, genuine applause all because of Steve Harrington and Robin Buckley who, Eddie thinks, is surprising company for the former King of Hawkins High. No matter how unexpected, he should still thank them and ask what they thought of the set now that it's over. He carefully sets his guitar on a stand and glances over his shoulder, catching Jeff's gaze and flashing a grin. "I'll be right back," he says before jumping off the stage and heading over to Steve and Robin's table.
As he gets closer, he notices the notebook and pens spread out, colorful writing filling the pages and Steve grinning with amusement as he reads it. Robin is watching him like she's waiting for him to understand an inside joke already so they can laugh about it together. If Eddie didn't already know Robin was like him (band camp, summer after his junior year, during an unfortunate game of Seven Minutes in Heaven where they awkwardly stood in a closet together before Robin commented on his black bandana), he'd wonder if something was going on between them.
"How'd you like the set?" Eddie asks when he reaches the table, suddenly nervous enough to tug on a lock of his hair and pull it in front of his mouth.
Robin looks up, but Steve doesn't. He's still reading the notebook, snorting at whatever is written there like he didn't hear Eddie. It's not until Robin elbows him that he raises his head, eyes widening when he sees Eddie. "Sorry, could you repeat that?" Steve asks, his gaze dropping to Eddie's mouth (Eddie definitely isn't imagining that) and faltering some.
"I asked if you liked the set," Eddie says, frowning slightly as Robin grabs a pen and scribbles something on the notebook. It's too small for him to read, but he doesn't miss how Steve glances down for less than a second before his eyes light up with realization.
"Oh!" he says, looking back at Eddie and flashing a charming grin. "It was great. You guys are so loud, and I've never f-uh, heard anything like your original song before."
Eddie catches the way Steve fumbles, faltering like he wanted to say one word but forced himself to say another. Something is tugging at the back of Eddie's mind, but he can't quite grab onto it just yet. For now, he leans forward, placing both hands on the table so he can be closer to Steve. "You listen to metal often, Harrington?" he asks.
Steve stares at his mouth for a few seconds before nodding, and Eddie feels the thrill of learning something completely unexpected. "I like Black Sabbath best, but Judas Priest and Guns N' Roses are close seconds," Steve says.
"Yeah?" Eddie asks, "What do you like most about it?" He wants to know. Does Steve Harrington (King Steve, Steve "The Hair" Harrington, Steve fucking Harrington) like metal for the same reasons he does? Does he like the stories and the passion and the heavy theatricality of it all?
Steve seems to hesitate, possibly thinking about how to answer, before finally saying, "I like how it's music I can feel. When I listen to metal, it digs into my bones. Other music doesn't."
Somehow, Eddie's grin gets impossibly wider, and his cheeks are hurting from the sheer force of it. He's about to say more when Robin glances at the clock and swears under her breath. "Shit, I promised Mom I'd be home ten minutes ago," she says, grabbing the pens and recklessly throwing them into her bag.
It's the movement that seems to catch Steve's attention, and he looks down at Robin's hands before looking up at the clock. "Oh, fuck, your curfew," he says, looking at Robin like she hadn't just said the same thing two seconds ago.
"Yeah, no shit, dingus," Robin says, pausing long enough to speak while looking straight at Steve before throwing the notebook into her bag, too. She jumps to her feet and hauls Steve out of the chair, making his varsity jacket fall open to reveal an Iron Maiden shirt.
And Eddie thinks his heart just about stops. He doesn't know why, but seeing Steve in a metal band shirt under an undeniably jock jacket makes him feel....something. This is, like, sacrilege, right? How dare Steve Harrington allow Metal and Jock to meet? Doesn't he know the two styles clash? Or, well, they're supposed to clash, but Steve somehow wears them well, and Eddie thinks he's upset and annoyed by the fact.
Before Eddie can analyze that feeling, Steve says, "Sorry to run, Eddie. You played really well. Let me know when the next show is."
There's a lot to unpack there, too. Steve Harrington wants to come to another Corroded Coffin gig. Steve Harrington is sorry he has to cut the conversation short. Steve Harrington thinks his band played really well. Before Eddie can say anything in response, Robin is dragging Steve away, throwing a goodbye over her shoulder.
Eddie doesn't want Steve to go without something, though, some kind of departing word, so he shouts, "See ya later, big boy!"
Steve doesn't look back, but Robin nearly trips over the doorway. She then pauses long enough to say something to Steve, watching with sheer delight as he splutters and glances at Eddie before dragging her through the door. Eddie couldn't stop the grin if he tried, and he didn't try.
Later, when Eddie is sprawled on the floor of his room, staring up at the ceiling and thinking about Steve's stupid combination of Metal and Jock, he'll be struck by a sudden, consuming thought. What if Steve was wearing just the Iron Maiden shirt? What if he wore just the jacket?
Eddie swallows around the sudden lump in his throat, his mouth going dry as he scrambles to his feet and gets ready to take a very, very cold shower.
----
Tag List (the tag list is completely filled up! There definitely wasn't enough room for everyone who requested a tag orz
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