#(not the case. brain does not love the idea.)
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revscarecrow · 3 days ago
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hi rev i just wanted to come here and rant for a second because i feel like you'll understand. i hope you dont mind.
i'm really, REALLY frustrated that a lot of the current culture around artists complaining about ai is people being like "ugh artists are so sensitive, this use case isnt even that bad, its just funny, its just a meme, etc etc"
as an artist myself i feel like i cant even complain about it in my current online social circles because i will be met with people being like "its not that serious when its used to make memes"
i fucking hate seeing ai. period. it doesnt matter if its google gemini, or chat gpt, or some rancid ai meme, or an ai voice. i hate ALL of it because it reminds me that the ONE THING i thought couldn't be taken from me by robots (my ability to make art/video) is being taken from me in front of my eyes.
even my other artist friends partake in this culture. i seriously dont understand it. it is DEEPLY upsetting and makes me feel so hopeless and powerless.
maybe it's an "if i dont laugh, i'll cry" situation. i dont know. i want to hear your thoughts on it. much love
I talk about AI "art" on my art youtube channel. Suffice to say that generative AI and neural nets can be used for good things like mapping the human brain to help better understand the systems at work and how to help with dementia (this is a real thing that's being done and it's rad btw). While this tech does a lot of energy I think it's worth it to learn how to cure horrible diseases. The tasks that this can do helps solve problems that are either too complex or time intensive for humans to do. Art is about expression to some degree. Some people are just about the aesthics but for me personally I think that the process of coming to and finishing the idea is the art and the canvas is the record of the process happening. As such the spirit behind the creation of an object is core to the aesthic of the piece. If I make a painting out of shit or blood it's going to have a very different vibe than one done with paint. Why was that choice made? Artists make these choices at every step. Some just pick things as a default but that is in itself a choice. I use acrylic when I paint canvases because of the drying time and because I fear my cats will attempt to eat the sugary smelling liquin medium used with oil. The nature of my work area I have means the canvases I paint are smaller. These are choices that change how my work looks but also speak to who I am as a person. AI art does not consider this because how could it? It does not think. It's a disgusting similacrum of the human experience. Memes still gross me out I'll be honest.
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possamble · 7 months ago
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realizing im kind of a weirdo about laios and marcille
#possramble#ignore this im just babbling but#the thing is that like. i don't ship laios and marcille together. their relationship is so so important to me in that laios comphets himsel#and THINKS that he might be in love with her but he isn't and that's my insane obsession#platonic soulmates for real but they're so sweet together that i fully expect them to be shipped together#like i get it. that's almost the appeal for me. if dungeon meshi were any other series there'd be an epilogue where they get married#convention dictates that they're meant to be together as the male protagonist and his beloved female deuteragonist#but dungeon meshi DOESNT do that and i love it so fucking much they're the comphet besties ever for my strange little brain#like if i ever did an arranged marriage au it would absolutely be laios and marcille having a platonic political marriage and then just#the most insane mutual pining with marcille and falin while laios and marcille struggle their way into becoming best friends#the imagery of the king and his beautiful court mage being tender to each other and everyone thinking they're in love is like catnip to me#like yeah they'd be like that and have no idea people think they should be together and the subversion makes me so obsessed#the more people ship them romantically. the more i enjoy their platonic dynamic it's like some sort of weird comphet fetishism idk#people think they're in love and im outside the window like YES... YES!!!#but also the second i see stuff of them kissing on the mouth or fucking im like oh god no i went too deep in here i gotta get out#don't wanna see that. i'll go feral over the idea of laios and marcille being arm-in-arm like king and queen but they would not fuck.#i want marcille to be his default comphet beard and dance partner/plus one at official royal events but they're not kissing.#she's there on his arm because he's scared of the other noble women tryna get him and being a baby about it#and people see them muttering to each other and laughing and generally being very sweet and think that they're dating but they're not.#she's actually covered in hickies from falin underneath her dress and is gonna get dragon dicked right after the party is over#like she's in her bedroom and falin's helping her take her ridiculous dress off while listening to her complain about politics#and falin is the person she goes home to the person she falls asleep to and wakes up with#they're a triad of utter devotion to each other but only farcille's side of the triangle is romantic#it's almost like an open secret because they're not trying to hide it at all but people assume and are surprised to find out#like people are so right about her relationship with the toudens but with the siblings' roles switched#love of her life & irreplaceable life companion. does anyone get it#anyway. i don't know what's wrong with me#it bothers me that they're not the undisputed most popular het ship for marcille on ao3#it's unnatural. marcille being paired with any other man should be a fringe case.
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foulfeast · 25 days ago
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Ohhhh i now remember why i got shy about talking abt ocs
24/7 fear that someone will tell me my ideas are cliche/stupid/bad in some other and it will hurt more bc these are my own creations and not just fun and play
#kurjatxt#i was trying 2 explain some stuff and i was immediately like#:/ does this feel like some kinf of weird hype for ancient mysticism and does that go into promoting the current day false ideas plaguing#people that make them drink unpasturized milk :/#is this too based on my view on magic from my enviroment bc it is based on my personal experience on seeking safety in#nostalgia and playing w the idea of balancing what you get from the past and integrating it into the future vs. just being stuck in the#past vs. the danger of completely rejecting the past told through the lense of smth i loved as a child: fantasy/magic/fairytales :/#and could be alienating and immature and demeaningly simple to other people who grew up in an enviroment already more inclined to#this kind of balance :/#or is me thinking about this demeaning to people bc i should be able to trust them to see what i make as silly ramblings by some random#tumble user just exploring their own experiences through story instead of trying to make some large sweeping statements about#the world and its reality :/#or is it bad of me to be careless about bc of COURSE i should put the upmost care into what i put out into the world and make sure that#everything i make is inclusive and as accessible to as many different types of people to relate to :/#or is that dumb is that limiting to art and am i giving a bad example and furthering the idea of people#havibg to make everything as palatable to everyone as possible JUST in case that nobody gets even slightly hurt or annoyed :/#man being a creator is hard OOPS that is also an evil thing to say being a creator is the luckiest thing you can ever be and ur just beinh#a whiny bitchbaby :/#<-#all that just. a small portion of the overthinking#and yk what it started from?#thr statement '<#in this world magic can be kind of more compared to how modern science is approached'#THAT SENTENC3#I AM SO STRESSED ABOUT#WhY IS MY BRAIN LIKE THIS!!!! I DONT KNOW!!!#sorry this is prolly the longest tags ive ever put on a post sorry to whoever opened the see more for this#its just. i think tj3 first tim3 ive been able.to expresw the circles my brain does and its kind of therapeutic#maybe i should start writing these circles down more often so i could see how dumb they rly are on paper#instead.of fretting inside my heae
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brittlebutch · 1 year ago
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it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time
I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world
And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with
#N posts stuff#one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety#now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body#but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself#like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao#bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something'#like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with#is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again#and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than#'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it#which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that#so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :)#if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively#like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away.#and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered#like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?'#dimension 20#d20: stupendous stoats#tula#d20lb
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nyxypoo · 18 days ago
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venom endo
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cursezoroark · 8 months ago
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i adore this scene dearly they are so doomed
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comfortstars · 10 months ago
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no actually. Can I be honest for a second. I know I said I wasn't gonna talk about it anymore but idgaf
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imwritesometimes · 2 years ago
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really tiring of the vicious cycle of 'ok revisit source material to poke brain' -> 'ok scroll through own tag to poke brain harder' -> 'berate and belittle brain out of frustration cause poking isn't producing anything' -> 'frustration gets worse doubts get really loud stop poking brain as depresh sets in' -> 'boredom' -> 'maybe if I had an idea for a fic I wouldn't be so bored I should poke my brain into activity!' repeat ad nauseam
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orcelito · 2 years ago
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Honestly. OK. It's been some weeks since I did any writing. And I SHOULD push to finish ladue chapter 3. And i will. Eventually. BUT
My brain keeps scrabbling towards trigun, & I know it's inevitable I'm gonna write smth for it, but I still don't know what to write bc Realistically I'm still in the digestion phase. I'm not the type who will write while in the middle of absorbing a thing. I will write only after I have reasonably completed the thing, bc I would DIE if I got any details wrong for the thing
So yes I watched all of tristamp, but im only 20 ish chapters into trimax, so I'm not gonna be writing anything until after I finish that manga. Which you'd THINK would be good incentive for me to push to read the manga. But get this. Wolfwood Fanfic Good.
Also anytime I start reading I can't stop & I have literally given myself headaches doing this reading all of original trigun manga in one go And then 2 nights ago reading chapters 4 through 20 of tristamp in one go. Yes I read a few more last night and didn't get the Brain Grip, but I can tell shit's about to go down HARD & that's what got me getting only 4 hours of sleep the night before last bc i could not stop READING
I have to be cautious. Hyperfixations are a dangerous thing if you don't have the time to commit to them.
.... and I still really wanna write vashwood fanfic 😭
#speculation nation#y'all know me im allergic to writing anything short#i dont wanna start anything too Truly wrong bc i do NOT need another 500k+ fanfic in the works#especially when i still havent finished the last one#(discacc my baby im so sorry im neglecting you 😭 blame the brain pls)#still tho it's doubtful id be able to write anything shorter than like 20k. at the absolute minimum#(side-eyes ladue chapter 3 WIP which is 18k words and not done)#yes i have the ideas for vashwood smut stuff but i dont wanna have it be Just the smut ykno#my brand is heart wrenching angst anyways. the smut would just be a conduit for that#in any case im still building my perceptions of their characters. i cant start writing anything rn#im definitely leaning more towards trimax characterizations though. their Loser Ways have bewitched me#i like little shit wolfwood more than sleazy bastard wolfwood anyways. aka trimax vs tristamp wolfwood lol#DONT GET ME WRONG i love all wolfwood. but the urge to punch tristamp wolfwood has never gone away since i first saw him#gonna b interesting to write for wolfwood. i might end up leaning towards 'nico' as a nickname#considering one of my fav ocs is named nico lol. do what you know & all. & ive written Many words for my nico#then again it might be weird to have the mix up. it's the primary reason i havent started going by nico myself#just keeping it nicky i guess. but now here's wolfwood. nick nico nicholas. stealing my names there bub#my fate is to fixate on characters that share a diminutive of one of my names. yes one is my character no it was not on purpose#my name nicky does not come from my character nico. his full first name's nicostrato anyways#im just rambling now. tldr: I Wanna WRITE
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wren-kitchens · 3 months ago
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kinda venty/rant thing in tags cause im embarassed by it and dont wanna put it in a post HDJSK
#not that tags are. any less visible than a post#i honestly have no idea why this feels safer but it does so like#im gonna take advantage of this loophole my brain has created for me#anyway#i am being very dumb recently and i dont really know why?#i mean it's social anxiety but i dont know why it's so promenant right now cause i've not had too much of a problem with it for a lil while#my brain has convinced me once again that all my friends are just kinda. putting up with me and don't really like me all that much#which. i hope i'm wrong#yk these are the things i would love to be proven wrong about#but in the process of my brain bein stupid i have kinda. left a bunch of discord servers that i care about#i've been fixated on what i'm 'allowed' or 'supposed' to say recently and i got too freaked out by not knowing if i was 'allowed' to#say anything that was more self indulgent in case everyone got mad at me or i was ignoring someone by accident so i just kinda left#and now im worried that ive made it seem like i was mad at people in those servers cause i wasn't saying anything for a little while and#then i just left without saying anything#i tend to isolate myself if im worried ive done something wrong which does end up with me in dumb situations#equally idk if i should actually like. say any of this#i genuinely have no idea what the best way of aproaching this is#like. do they want to know? or would i just be dumping a bunch of shit on people who dont know how to help#cause i dont wanna do that cause thatd just be a lil rude#i get freaked out if someone just Tells me a huge thing and i cant help them with it cause i wanna help but i have no idea how#which i dont wanna do to someone else cause. i mean obviously GDSHJ#anyway uh#my hopes is that someone involved reads this and knows im not mad it's just my dumb brain#but also i dont want anyone to read this cause im being very dumb#this is all very silly#the bright side is that my depression means im not actually feeling any emotions about this#which doesnt sound like a huge bright side but yk im kind of chilling a bit#vent#cw vent#tw vent
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seasaalttrio · 5 months ago
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have been revamping my room and considering how i want to organize my bookshelf once i've actually cleared enough room to be able to do that and the best i've come up with so far is... publishing date?
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whateveriwant · 1 year ago
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Task force 141 reacting to their very pregnant wife still trying to clean, cook etc
This turned more into ‘Task force 141 preventing their very pregnant wife from trying to clean, cook, etc’ lmaooooo I hope that's alright
Price
HA! Good one!
No seriously, it's actually hilarious that you think you'd do anything for yourself when your hubby's around
That man has been waiting on you hand and foot since you first got together. So now that you're pregnant and you think he'd let you so much as lift a finger? You must have a serious case of pregnancy brain, sweetheart
Price is doing all the cooking, the cleaning, the running errands, etc. throughout the entirety of your pregnancy (and at least the first several months postpartum)
He's kept you practically bed bound these last few months to the point where you think there's a perfect indent of your body molded into the mattress
Seven months in, he's suddenly called away to a quick mission halfway across the globe, and you think finally you'll get some of your autonomy back...
Well, think again because who should show up at your door the next morning than your mother-in-law herself, ready to pick up where her son left off
She came at the behest of your husband, of course, and was armed with a detailed set of care instructions
What does your husband think you are? Some sort of one-of-a-kind, priceless artifact that needs special handling? (Actually that's exactly what you are. Price-less… I'll see myself out 🚶🏻‍♀️)
Ghost
When it comes to having some semblance of independence during your pregnancy, Ghost will give you a bit of a longer leash than Price, but only just so
You’re going for a walk around the neighborhood? Hold on, let him grab his coat to join you. Or you're going into the backyard to tend the garden? He'll pull the weeds while you water the plants
But when it comes to letting you do certain things, there are some hard nos that he will absolutely not budge on
You try to use a stepladder to reach the top of the cupboard? Stop! You'll break your neck! You try to pick up anything heavier than 10 pounds? Stop! Give it here! You try to drive?... Don't even fuckin' think about it, precious.
The farther along your pregnancy progresses, the better he gets at predicting (and intercepting) your next move
You were gonna do laundry today? Well, wouldn't you know, he's already got a load going in the washer. You were about to make dinner? Well shucks, he just ordered takeaway from that Greek place you love
His ability to read your mind is honestly impressive once you get past how damn annoying you find it. Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you're incapable of fending for yourself, and you're tired of him acting as if otherwise
But really, you can never get mad at anything he does for you. After all, what kind of a husband would he be if he didn't take care of his missus and your little one?
Soap
If you take Ghost’s cautiousness, mix it with Price’s thoroughness, and crank it up to an 11, you get Soap
From the moment he found out you were pregnant, he put your house into full lockdown mode, stopping just short of booby trapping the front door in case you got any funny ideas
You want some fresh air? Just open a window. You want to go for a walk and stretch your legs? Just take a few turns about the living room like you're some Austenian heroine
Don't let him catch you doing any kind of physical labor, because so help him Jesus he will grab a spray bottle and use it like you're a feral alleycat he's trying to house-train (he wouldn't really... but don't test him)
You try to unload the dishwasher? Ehrr! Wrong move. You try to remake the bed? Ehrr! Nice try. You try to mop up your own mess. Ehrr! Enough already. You try to– OCH, WOULD YE BLOODY SIT DOWN, WOMAN?!
For nine long months during his requested leave from work, your husband is attached to you like some kind of loving, smothering barnacle
But doesn't he miss his job, or the lads for that matter? What if the world needs saving? What will they do without him?
Well, (in his exact words) fuck the rest of the world! You're his world, bonnie, and he'll give you everything you could ever wish for and then some
Gaz
By far, you have the most independence with Gaz than you would with any of the other three men… at least, at the beginning of your pregnancy, that is
Once you get to around five or six months he becomes just as helicopter-y as all the others; he's just ever so slightly more bearable, perhaps
There's lots of peeking his head around the corner to check on you throughout the day or appearing seemingly out of thin air whenever you're doing something he'd rather you wouldn't
You've lost count of the number of times you've been in the middle of cooking or hanging up the laundry or whatever and his hand has suddenly appeared out of nowhere, gently taking the object from you before directing you to sit and rest
And like, look. He knows you can handle yourself. He knows you could conquer the whole world if you wanted to. That's one of the things he loves about you the most
But seeing you like this – so fragile, so vulnerable, so beautiful and soft and pregnant with his child; his child – it just… It makes him…
He just needs to do these things for you, alright, love? Just let him take care of you, please? Would you let him do that?
You already have so much you have to carry. Let him ease some of the burden off your shoulders. Let him do these small things for you because they don't even compare to all that you're doing for him 🥲
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jjsanguine · 2 years ago
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Phu, sleep crying: Nan, I'm sorry. Please don't leave me Nan!
Me: if Nan was capable of leaving Phu or like forgetting about him the show would be a lot shorter as would Nan's list of mental health issues
Nan, swapping his orientation in bed so that he can sleep while hugging Phu: I will never leave you
Me: yep!
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hollyrogerbay · 2 years ago
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one thing i love about portal 2 is the distinct difference in physicality between wheatley and glados. in the core transfer scene, glados, as she does, moves fluently, smoothly; seductively is a good word to describe it. you know how she is. then after wheatley takes over, despite using the same body, noticeably shifts from "I suggest you take a deep breath. And hold it." to "HARR HARR HARR I'M BLOODY FOCKEN MASSIVE INNIT" and i just love that so much. glados smoothly rotates around like a serpent and wheatley starts spinning circles and bouncing up and down it's just great
additionally:
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[ID: Reply from user clareironbrook that reads: "Credit where it's due to Karen Prell - best known for her work with the Muppets, lead animator for Wheatley. /End ID]
i had NO idea! credit where it is ABSOLUTELY due, i didn't even mention Wheatley's facial animation as well but it is beautifully done. all he has is a rotating eye, eyelids, a pupil that can expand or contract and some little handles at the top and bottom of his face, but his animation is still impressively emotive. it's really half of the charm of his dialogue honestly, puppeteering is already such a cool skill and it's even more impressive to do it digitally on this little fuck
ADDITIONAL addition: @meow-moment you're a PART of this post now you are FUCKING Correct
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[ID: Reblog from @meow-moment that reads "i love in the scene where he tells you you have "a very minor case of serious brain damage" when his eye pops out a little and his handles flare out and it somehow looks like he's adjusting his glasses nervously]
there are a good few additions to this post I'd love to add to it but this one is like. NECESSARY. that is PRECISELY what that conveys and it's fucking magic how well it works. hats OFF karen prell
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avelera · 1 year ago
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Man, there’s all these little beats in OFMD S2 1-3 where people keep EXPECTING Stede to be upset or horrified about Ed’s actions and then he’s just. Not. In a way that reminded me of how a lot of fanon kept softening Stede into someone who doesn’t swear and is horrified at Ed for setting those ships on fire when imo to my eyes he was horrified for Ed because Ed was still so clearly distressed about it.
- Zheng Yi Sao asks Stede how he’s doing now that he knows Ed did horrible things to his crew and there’s this beat and Stede just pivots to, oh yeah, sometimes Ed is troubled. Like it didn’t occur to him to be upset on the crew’s behalf he’s worried about Ed.
- Izzy keeps trying to spare Stede’s feelings and cover up Ed’s spiral, but Stede clocked what was going on with Ed immediately and wasn’t the least bit intimidated or bothered. The knives brought the room together. Of course Ed’s trying to burn the world down or die trying. Duh. And I genuinely don’t think the STUFF in the Revenge mattered even a fraction to Stede as much as the signs of Ed’s breakdown broke his heart. It’s just STUFF, who cares.
- Lucius had to SPECIFICALLY call out Stede for not being surprised or bothered by what happened to him. What Ed did. Stede has to almost consciously remind himself to express polite concern. He just doesn’t actually care, instinctively or automatically, about what happened to Lucius. Part of it is he blames himself more than Ed. Part of it is he just doesn’t care, Ed is the priority.
They’re little blink and you’ll miss it pauses in some cases. Micro-expressions. The absence of a reaction. But honestly, I will scream it to the end of time, Stede is not some nonviolent creampuff scared or upset by Ed’s evil ways. He wants to join Ed in the atrocities. The man ran away to become a pirate. He asked if Lucius was taking notes during a murderous raid.
Stede’s at least a little on some kind of whackadoodle pirate comedy neurodivergence spectrum to the point where he actually really actually struggles to empathize with people, even people he cares about!, if their feelings conflict with his hyperfixation (piracy) and the love of his life (Ed Teach). He’s always, ALWAYS going to pick Ed over Lucius or Izzy or his crew or even his own feelings, if the option is there. He will literally throw himself overboard to get to Ed’s side. No pause. No consideration of anyone else or even his own safety.
Stede sometimes seems to have to consciously remind himself things like, oh yeah, the crew, I need to see to them. Not because he’s heartless or doesn’t care, but because it takes a bit of conscious effort for him to see beyond the laser-focused spotlight of what and who he does care most about, he has to remind himself of social niceties and other people’s feelings (just see him running away in the first place!) when he gets an idea in his head. It’s as if he had to train himself to consciously care about some things other people care about and as a neurodivergent person myself, that felt very familiar in a comedically writ large sort of way. I’d even argue that’s where all his aristocratic social niceties come from. They were his guidebook for how to do things “right” in a world that otherwise made no sense to him outside his hyperfixations. He practiced being a person through the aristocratic training because it was all so foreign to him from the start, including caring, actually caring, about the needs of others. Not because he’s consciously evil or consciously a jerk. The instinct just isn’t there unless he practices at it until it becomes reflex to ask how others are doing, because on his own his brain just doesn’t really notice or care.
I just… hope the fandom notes and has as much FUN as I do noticing all the little moments where even people inside the story of OFMD expect Stede to act in a normal way and instead he remains unhinged, laser-focused on Ed.
Stede’s not just an Ed apologist, he truly doesn’t blame Ed for any of it. He blames only himself. He doesn’t always voice this but he really really only cares about anyone else including the crew as a DISTANT second and he has to consciously REMIND himself to do so. He is able to rally to take action, to care about their physical needs like safety during the rescue, but he still struggles, deeply struggles, to remember to show empathy in a non-performative way for anyone except his special person, Ed.
Stede’s not a creampuff, not a nice guy, not some emotionally or morally perfect angel. He has to consciously practice caring about literally anything else but what he wants to do and his special person. And to me that’s a thousand times more interesting than shoving him in a box labeled “the blond, pacifist do-gooder good guy” in their relationship.
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dreamwritesimagines · 1 month ago
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Sunshine [5] - Dusk
AN: My loves, thank you so so much for your wonderful support and lovely comments and HCs! ❤️ You’re amazing! ❤️
I hope you like this as well, and please don’t forget to tell me what you think, thank you! 🥰
Pairing: Logan Howlett x Female!Reader
Summary: Some evenings come with threats.
Word Count: 4242 
CW: Violence, explicit language, blood, threats
Series Masterlist
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“I have no idea why you don’t like him.”
“Well, that makes two of us because I have no idea why you like him.”
You rolled your eyes at Jamie as you grabbed the coffee pot, then filled his cup while he pointed at you with his fork. The diner wasn’t very busy yet; you had the time to focus your full attention on him after taking a couple of orders to the tables, so you leaned on the counter, then stole a fry off his plate.
“Logan is nice.”
“Oh Logan is nice?” he repeated with a scoff. “He’s a giant ball of macho bullshit with no brains, that’s what he is.”
Your jaw dropped. “Oh come on Jamie!”
“I’m serious,” he said as you crossed your arms to shoot him a lighthearted glare.
“You know, I wasn’t like this when you introduced Nik to me.”
“Nik is my soulmate,” he said without hesitation. “I doubt the brute caveman is your soulmate.”
“He's not a caveman.”
“Could’ve fooled me.”
“He just…he doesn’t look very friendly,” you said in a rush to defend him. “I’m aware of it but he’s been to wars and stuff, so it’s kinda expected—”
“Which is another red flag, sunshine,” Jamie insisted. “When was he born, you said?”
“1832.”
“You have a crush on Dracula: Lumberjack Edition?”
“He doesn’t give off vampire vibes!”
“No, he gives off werewolf vibes,” he said. “And just in case a certain popular franchise has escaped your notice, they’re both equally bad.”
You scrunched your nose up at him, still leaning to the counter while he sipped his coffee.
“What happened to the guy Nik set you up with?”
“Oh that date was a disaster,” you said with a shrug. “He talked about himself the whole time. I barely got two words in.”
“I hate when they do that,” he grumbled, making you smile.
“I swear to you Logan is not a bad guy,” you said. “He’s the furthest thing from that—which by the way, we might be just arguing over nothing. I honestly doubt he sees me that way.”
He shot you a look of disbelief.
“Sunshine.”
“No I really don’t think—”
“A lot of people you cross paths with see you that way.”
“You and Julie both say that but that’s because you’re my best friends.”
“No, that’s because we see how people look at you,” he said. “Unlike you.”
“Yeah but Logan—”
“Logan will make a move on you one of these days, and I think you should turn him down when he does.”
You wiggled your brows. “It’d be a bit difficult to turn him down while I’m climbing him like a tree.”
“Fuck him once and leave him.”
“I already decided what our future cabin in the woods will be like.”
He let out a groan, burying his face into his hands, making you giggle.
“If Logan and I start dating and that’s a huge if, considering I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want me that way,” you said. “We’ll go on a double date with you and Nik, and you will see he’s actually the nicest guy in the entire world.”
“I hope he’s terrible in bed so that you will snap out of this,” he motioned at you as his phone vibrated, making him check it before he took a huge sip of his coffee, then stood up.
“Thank you so much for letting me borrow your car by the way,” he said. “It’s just that, Nik’s grandma needs a ride to the airport and…”
“It’s totally fine,” you said with a wave of your hand. “Don’t even mention it.”
“I’ll bring it tonight to your place.”
“Like I said, it’s totally fine,” you said. “Tell Nik’s grandma I said hi.”
“Will do,” he said, leaning over the counter to kiss your cheek, then walked out of the diner. You grabbed his plate and mug, but as soon as you entered the kitchen, the boss’ office door opened and he peeked his head out.
“Hey,” he said. “Bad news, Stacey can’t make it, she has the flu. Do you think you could close tonight?”
Shit.
Of course you had to close when you didn’t have a car.
You pressed your lips together, then forced yourself to smile before nodding your head.
“Yeah,” you said. “I can close tonight, no problem.”
                                                  *
Today was not going as planned, at all.
Creepy customers weren’t exactly new to you. You were pretty sure that everyone in service industry had to deal with them at one point or another, God knew you did. But usually, once you turned them down, they finished their meals and left without leaving you a tip.
They didn’t just sit there at the booth, staring at you for almost an hour.
Paul was by the grill as you walked into the kitchen and heaved a sigh, pressing your palms into your eyes, your heart beating in your throat.
It was fine. If he stayed there towards the closing time, you were just going to ask Paul to handle him, he was pretty good at that. He would deal with him, and afterwards you would just call a cab and go home and forget about today.
“You okay?” Paul asked and you dropped your hands, then nodded, clearing your throat.
“Um—yeah. Just tired I guess.”
“You sure?”
“Uh huh,” you said. “Slow day but I went to bed late, so…”  
He grinned. “Your new boyfriend is keeping you up late?”
You let out a small laugh. “It’s nothing like that.”
“No?”
“No,” you said. “I don’t even know if he likes me that way to be honest.”
“What, he just came to drive you home the other day out of the goodness in his heart?”
You nodded again. “Yeah. He’s nice.”
“Honey, I’m terribly sorry to shatter your trust in the goodness of us men, but we usually don’t do that just for any girl.”
“Yeah but Logan is nice,” you insisted. “Not to mention, he’s out of my league.”
“Did you break all the mirrors in your place or something?”
You rolled your eyes at him. “Paul.”
“Take it from a guy, Logan definitely wants to…” he wiggled his brows and you grabbed the table cloth, then tossed it at him for him to catch it in the air.
“That’s absolutely not true.”
“So your crush isn’t keeping you up, then what is?”
“Have you met me?” you asked him. “I run on stress.”
“You know what’s good for stress, right?” he asked with a smirk but as soon as he stole a look out of the small kitchen window into the diner, then pulled his brows together. “Did I Beetlejuice this motherfucker or something?”
“What?” you asked, turning your head to follow his line of sight, then gasped when you saw Logan walking to the counter to sit on a stool.
At first you were surprised at the relief that hit you out of nowhere so fast that it made your head spin, because normally whenever you were around Logan, your heart would be making flips, adrenaline rushing through you. It took you a moment to understand what it was, and once you did, you let out a breath.
It was safety.
Somehow, something in your body knew Logan being there meant you were completely safe.
You let out a breath and pushed open the door to step outside, then approached the counter.
“Hey,” you said, still slightly dizzy and Logan’s hazel eyes searched your face, his frown deepening.
“What’s wrong?”
“What?”
“I could hear your heartbeat from a mile away,” he said. “What’s going on?”
You blinked a couple of times. “You recognize my heartbeat?”
“Yeah,” he said as if it was completely normal. “And I smelled your fear. So what’s going on?”
“You what?” you asked. “I smell like fear?”
“Not normally, but you do right now,” he said impatiently. “What’s wrong?”
You shook your head, trying to focus as you stole a look at the booth the creep was still sitting in, Logan turning his head to follow your glances.
“He, um…” you said, lowering your voice. “He wanted to know when I get off work, and—and I said no and he’s been sitting there for an hour, just staring.”
Logan’s eyebrows rose as if he was surprised by the guy’s audacity.
“And I close the diner tonight,” you whispered. “And I gave the car to Jamie because his boyfriend’s grandma has been staying with them, and she’s really nice except for when she made that one comment about me giving it up too—” you stopped yourself. “Sorry. Um, I don’t—”
“How about I drive you home tonight?” he cut you off, making you pull your brows together.
“You’d do that?”
The look he gave you was almost reprimanding as if he was offended by you asking a question when the answer was clear as day and you let out a relieved breath.
“Logan I…” you trailed off. “I don’t know how to thank you, you’re—you’re amazing, really.”
“You have no reason to thank me, princess,” he said, making your heart skip a beat.
“I have many reasons.”
“No, and don’t worry about that asshole,” he said, nodding in the direction of the booth before turning to you, “but you need to call me when this sort of bullshit happens.”
“I don’t have your number,” you said and he paused for a moment as if he hadn’t thought about that.
“Right,” he said, taking his phone out of his pocket before holding it out for you and you smiled, then took it from him. You entered your phone number, then sent yourself a quick text before handing him the phone back.
“There,” you said with a grin. “Now we have each other’s numbers. Technology isn’t so bad, huh?”
He gave you a small smile and you cleared your throat.
“So what can I get you?” you asked, shifting your weight from one foot to other in excitement, and he frowned for a moment.
“Any chance you’ve got some of that pie from earlier?”
“Sure!” you said. “I’ll be right back.”
You went into the kitchen and made your way to the counter to get out the pie, then cut a big slice to put it on the plate.
“Look at that, your mood is fixed for some reason,” Paul teased you and you scrunched up your nose at him, then grabbed the chocolate sauce bottle. You carefully drew the shape on the plate, your tongue sticking out from the corner of your mouth.
“So let me guess, he’s still not your boyfriend?”
You gave him a chiding look. “Don’t.”
“Hey, I’m asking to see if I need to set you up with one of my friends.”
“Oh I’ve met your friends,” you said with a laugh. “I’ll respectfully decline, thank you.”
“They’re pretty cool guys.”
“I guess I’m not cool,” you told him and picked up the plate, then pushed open the kitchen door to make your way to Logan who was sitting on the stool by the counter.
“There you go,” you said and put the plate in front of him. “You may be curious about what that shape is on the plate is.”
“Was just about to ask you about that.”
“That’s a cigar,” you pointed at it. “And there’s an X over it because cigars suck. And that’s a frowny face right next to it because to repeat, cigars suck.”
“I see,” he said with a small grin. “A very clear message.”
“Isn’t it?” you asked, stealing a look at the booth to check on the creep but the booth was completely empty. You blinked a couple of times before you turned to Logan.
“Logan?”
“Hm?”
“Where did that man go?”
He grabbed his fork. “He left.”
“…Just like that?”
“Just like that.”
Your frown deepened. “Did you say something to him?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “Just a small warning, that’s all.”
You could feel the relief filling your system as a smile warmed your face, making you bite at your lip.
“Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it,” he muttered as he dug into the pie while you leaned against the counter, crossing your arms on it.
“So you were around then?” you asked. “When you heard my heartbeat?”
“Mm hm.”
“How do you know it’s my heartbeat and not someone else’s?”
“I recognize it,” he said, making you raise your brows.
“Is that—” you started but were distracted by a customer asking for a refill, so you grabbed the coffee pot, went to refill his coffee and walked behind the counter again. You pulled out a mug to fill Logan coffee, then put it in front of him.
“Thank you.”
“No problem. Is that what you did during the French Revolution as well?”
“To repeat, I haven’t—” he started but then his lips curled into a smile upon seeing the teasing glint in your eyes. “Right. Seriously, what is this fascination with French Revolution?”
“I was weirdly into historical documentaries while pregnant with Theo,” you said. “Kinda stuck.”
“Ah.”
“Speaking of all that though, what was 19th century like?”
Logan took a sip of his coffee. “Foggy.”
“…Very descriptive, Dickens,” you said with a nod of your head. “Professor X should have you teach literature, you’d do wonders in prose.”
 That made him chuckle before he took his fork into his mouth, and you smiled at him before walking to another table to take their order.
                                             *
As the sky went dark and the closing time got closer, you realized that you hadn’t even been paying attention to the time. Paul had left an hour ago, so had all the customers but you were so lost in the excitement of spending time with Logan that if it weren’t for your phone vibrating on the counter, you wouldn’t have even noticed it was past the closing time.
“But yeah, he literally brought a kitten home from the street,” you said with a smile as you walked to get your coat. “The said kitten is now Nik and Jamie’s beloved son, but—what are you doing?”
Logan pulled out his wallet and motioned at the empty plate and the coffee mug, making you narrow your eyes.
“Don’t even think about it.”
“Princess—”
“I will threaten you, I don’t care if you’re invincible and like 200 years old.”
He tilted his head. “You’re threatening me with threatening me?”
“Yes,” you said. “I will kill you with kindness and also this knife I found in the kitchen if you try to pay for it.”
“You’re terrible at threatening people.”
“I know, I’m working on it,” you muttered as you grabbed the plate and the mug to put it on the counter of the kitchen through the small window, and by the time you turned around he had already placed some cash on where the plate just was.
“Logan!”
“Technically I’m not paying for it, I’m leaving a tip.”
“That tip is more than the check.”
“Well that’s—” he started before his head whipped around, the playful smile wiping off of his face as a car pulled over in front of the diner. He gritted his teeth, making you pull your brows together.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong,” he said. “Just do me a favor?”
“Sure.”
“I’ll step outside for a moment,” he said. “Stay here.”
Your heart started pounding in your chest. “What—what’s going on?”
“I swear to you, it’ll take only a moment,” he said, his voice completely calm as he stood up from the stool. “Don’t step outside, okay?”
 “Hey asshole, I don’t appreciate being threatened!” A shout came from outside and you took a step back, panic making you dizzy upon recognizing the voice; it had to be the guy from earlier. “So I brought some friends! How about we show you some manners and then entertain your girl?”
You could feel your blood freezing in your veins and you grabbed your phone. “I’ll—I’ll call the cops—”
“Don’t,” Logan said. “They’ll only get in the way. I got it.”
“Logan…” you started but a metallic noise reached your ears as metal claws sprouted from his knuckles, making your eyes widen.
“What…”
“Stay here.”
“I-but—” you stammered but he had already walked out of the door, making you cover your mouth. Fear pounded through your system, your eyes filling with tears as you sniffled, then grabbed the knife on the counter and took a step to the closed door, but blood splattered over the huge window, soon followed by the panicked yelling of the newcomers. Your stomach churned as you swallowed thickly, then you wiped at your eyes and rushed to the door with the knife in your hand before you swung it open.
The view you were presented with looked like something out of a movie. Two of the guys writhing on the ground, one of the crawling to the car while the other looked like he was crying. The man from earlier was also on the ground, holding onto his face but you could see the blood dripping through his fingers as Logan retracted his claws, then held him from the back of his jacket and lifted him up.
“You’ve got something to say to her?” he growled, and the man let out a sob, then lowered his hands, your breath catching in your throat upon seeing the gashes on his face.
“I’m—I’m sorry,” he managed to whimper through pain and Logan dropped him on his face unceremoniously, then turned to you.
“What’s the knife for?” he asked and you blinked a couple of times, forcing yourself to drag your gaze from the man.
“I was coming to save you,” you told Logan, making the corners of his mouth twitch.
“Yeah?” he asked as if humoring you and you nodded, then took a look at the men on the ground.
“Come on,” Logan said, snapping you out of your thoughts. “Let me take you home.”
You felt like you were in a haze as you rushed inside to put the knife back, grabbed your phone off the counter, then shut down the lights and closed the door behind you, locked it and turned to Logan again.
“…Shouldn’t we call someone?”
“Nope.”
“But what if you get in trouble because of—”
“I won’t,” Logan answered, gently leading you to the motorcycle, his hand on the small of your back. He put the helmet on your head and you got behind him on the bike, wrapping your arms around his waist to hold onto him tight.
The road to your home felt almost surreal. The panic still hadn’t left your system yet, your mind going overdrive with everything that could have gone wrong, or would go wrong if those creeps had decided to press charges on Logan. Even though he didn’t look worried at all, you were beginning to think you worried enough for the both of you.
And if something had happened to him, if they had gotten to him before he could beat them—
No.
You couldn’t even bring yourself to think about it.
You hadn’t even realized that your cheeks were wet with tears when he pulled over in front of your house, his head turning to the side when he heard you sniffling. You swung your leg over the seat to sit sideways on it and he got off the motorcycle to help you take off the helmet but as soon as he did, you pressed your palms on your eyes, biting inside your cheek to keep yourself under control.
“Sorry,” you mumbled, sniffling again as you lowered your hands before a shaky sigh left your lips. He lifted your chin with a curled finger, your eyes shooting up to his, your heart skipping a beat as he gently wiped at the tear under your eye.
“I’m sorry for scaring you off.”
The change in his tone was impossible to miss. That growl that had spilled from his lips while talking to that man was completely gone and now his deep voice was soft like honey, making you feel all warm inside. You blinked back the tears and shook your head fervently.
“You didn’t,” you said. “That’s not what’s happening.”
“But you’re scared.”
“Not of you,” you said, shaking your head again as you bit at your nail. “For you.”
That made him pull his brows together in confusion and you let out a breath.
“Logan, there were three people there,” you insisted. “They could’ve easily overpowered you—”
“That’s impossible.”
“They could’ve killed you!”
“Also impossible,” he said, a small chuckle escaping from his lips as if the idea was too absurd. “I told you before. I heal.”
“I’m sure there are exceptions to that, if they came up with a way—”
“Unless those guys were keeping a fully functioning high technology lab underneath the diner, they couldn’t,” he said. “Me getting hurt was not a possibility there, and the only reason they’re alive is because you were there. That’s it.”
You sniffled again.
“But did I make you betray a principle or something?”
“What?”
“Because the secretary of Mutant Affairs held a press conference the other day and he—”
“Hank?”
“Hank McCoy, yes. You know him?”
“Yeah, we’re friends.”
“Well, he talked about how mutants have this principle—”
A dry chuckle climbed up his throat.
“I don’t have any principles when it comes to assholes like those,” he said, a shadow crossing his handsome face. “But nobody gets to hurt you or threaten you. That’s the principle here.”
Your head was spinning again for a completely different reason and you took a trembling breath, stealing a look at the building behind you before looking up to his hazel eyes, your heart beating in your throat.
“Would you like to—” you started but before you could invite him to your apartment, a car flashed its headlights at you two, making you turn your head to look at it.
Oh.
Your car.
Jamie was in the driver’s seat and he frowned slightly before he stopped the car and Nik leaned out from the open passenger seat window.
“Hey Sunshine!” he said. “Why aren’t you answering your phone?”
You closed your eyes for a moment before opening them again, then licked your lips.
“It’s on mute, I didn’t hear,” you said. “Uh, Logan, this is Nik, Jamie’s boyfriend. Nik, this is Logan, my…my friend.”
Nik gave him a grin as he eyed him up and down.
“Nice to meet you Logan,” he said before turning to you. “Get in, we’re taking you out to dinner. Your friend can come too if he’d like.”
You glanced up at Logan, biting at your lip and he took a deep breath, then cleared his throat as if trying to snap out of a haze.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I am,” you said. “I just didn’t know they were coming—but um, would you like to join us? Nik is an expert when it comes to restaurants, he knows all the great ones.”
Logan shook his head.
“I’d better go,” he said. “It’ll be easier to track those guys down while they’re still bleeding.”
You blinked a couple of times. “What are you gonna do?”
“I’ll make sure they understand they shouldn’t cross paths with you ever again,” he said with a shrug of his shoulders. “That’s all.”
You hesitated only for a moment before you stood on your tiptoes, wrapping your arms around his neck to hug him, resting your forehead against his hard chest, the scent of pines and smoke surrounding you in the most pleasant way. He cradled the back of your head with one hand while his other arm sneaked around your waist and he nuzzled his nose into your hair to inhale deeply, making your heartbeat faster. Even though you felt like you could happily spend your whole life in his arms, you knew you had to step back especially with Jamie and Nik right there, so you slowly pulled back to look up at him. His hazel gaze went down to your lips for a moment before snapping back to your eyes and you swallowed thickly.
“Thanks,” you managed to say. “For…you know.”
“No problem, princess,” he said softly and stepped back as well, then nodded in Jamie’s direction before getting on the motorcycle.
“Be careful,” he said and you let out a small laugh.
“Likewise,” you said before he drove off and you shifted your weight before making your way to the car. You opened the door and got in the backseat, then slammed the door shut as Nik turned to look at you over his shoulder.
“Hi honey.”
“Hi Nik. Hi Jamie.”
“So that was Logan?” Nik asked and Jamie scoffed as he started the car.
“Yep. That’s the asshole I told you about.”
“Well, neither of you told me he was that hot,” Nik pointed out, grinning at you. “Did we interrupt something?”
You wiped at your nose, then shook your head. “Um, no.”
Jamie took a look at you from the rear mirror, then frowned.
“If that asshole made you cry, I swear—”
“He didn’t,” you said in a rush and buckled your seat belt. “I’ll tell you on the way. What are we eating?”
6 - Middle of the Night
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