#(my mind kinda went numb part way through but i really hope you guys enjoy it)

[seraphicwiing]

The Siege of Fancheng Part 1 - WUTAI WAR (Sephiroth’s First Battle)

Hope you guys enjoy the read again, I had a spout of inspiration to write this while writing my reply to one of my current threads and I’m super excited to show you guys. I love writing fight scenes, so this is quite special for me. As always constructive criticism is always accepted. <3 

Small Note: I’m going to assume that there are many types of key landmarks in Wutai including castles which serve as outposts or supply areas for the nation and their army. In this particular piece Sephiroth will be laying siege upon one of them. I’m taking inspiration from ‘Romance of the Three Kingdoms’ for the names of the landmarks as a little fun trivia <3

As always click this for the song track to accompany this drabble for extra effect!

Kept under cut due to length! 

‘To redraw the map, the blood of SOLDIERS must be the ink.’ 

The once tranquil green fields and cherry blossoms on Wutai’s hallowed soil had become nought but kindling for the flames and bullets that had rained down upon the poor country. The fighting had left Wutai and ShinRa at a constant standstill and even with signs of the war turning to ShinRa’s favour, the ever valiant nation resisted with all their might. It was commendable, but would prove to be all for nothing. Soon they would meet the catalysts of their downfall, soon they would meet the ‘Perfect Warrior’. 

The permeating stench of gunpowder and explosives filled the lungs of the First Class commander as he stood with his battalion of Infantry and Foot Soldiers armed to the teeth with the firepower to level an entire village. Coupled with Sephiroth, his escort of ten Third Class Soldiers, his own personal guard. Not that he required one. He had faith in his skills and while this would be his first battle, a part of him knew that this would be a walk in the park even with an army at his beck and call.

“The infantry and foot clan are ready sir, by your orders the siege of Fancheng can begin.” 

The silver locks of the male flowed freely against the refreshing breeze, providing him with relief from the humid air that had become synonymous during his time here. He shot his underling a nod, tightening his grasp upon the long hilt of his ceremonial blade and raised it aloft, to the loud cries of his army behind him. Somehow, he had this effect on people. Instilling them not with fear or dread, but courage. A chance at glory, to seize at with two hands and to covet forever. 

“I offer you this chance, my friends. Let us make this battle one that will be remembered as the turning point of this violent conflict!” Did he just make an inpirational speech? It felt strange, but it was only greeted by even louder cheers and before he knew it, his battalion spirinted towards Fancheng. A proud smirk wrote itself on the SOLDIER’s mouth before he followed suit. Why should his men get all the fun when he was their leader?

Demonstrating his speed, he dashed past his smaller allies, his long legs providing him with a sprint unmatched by any other. The fireballs from within the castle began firing out at his men, and with a smirk Sephiroth responded to the threats in kind. Masamune glowed bright silver as if the moon’s sheen had graced it with its ghostly energy and sliding to a stop, Sephiroth would perform two slashes at the fireballs, shooting the wind energy from within his blade to slice the projectiles out of existence. 

“All soldiers, DISPERSE!” Ordered Sephiroth as he continued to cut a path for his men to reach the gates. This was all a part of his master plan. 

“The firebombs they use to destroy us will not be an issue. Just follow my lead and we will be fine. I will provide ample support so that our men can make it through the fields without much harm... Knowing how Wutai likes to fight, they will open the gates for us to send their own soldiers to respond to mine. If the firebombs don’t work, they will use their blood instead. Surrender for them is never an option.” 

“And if that doesn’t work, Sephiroth?” 

“Well then, I’ll break down the gates myself.” 

The battle had only just begun, his first contest of strength against the nation he had sent to squash by ShinRa. Soon enough however, his analysis of Wutai’s tactics had proven correct as the piercing screech of iron against stone rang out across the battlefield. Daimyos, Ninjas, Samurais, Archers. How primitive, but underestimating their tenacity would be their downfall. 

The call to fight burned within Sephiroth, his adrenaline now coursing through his veins. Strange how his calmness still remained, as if being in the presence of combat was like coming home after a hard day’s work... 

“All soldiers, ATTACK!” The eighteen year old was the first to lead the charge, taking long strides forward to eventually meet the Daimyo warlords and their naginatas with his own Wutain inspired weapon. Eventually, his Third Class troop followed, meeting the samurai that intended to engage Sephiroth all the while his battalion of infantry rained fire upon areas that were not being distracted by the troop of skilled melee specialists. 

Sephiroth came face to face with three warlords with a reputation for brutal evisceration of their enemies. The smirk on Sephiroth’s face faded as he took his stance, the noises of the conflict becoming faint around him as he eyed the three targets with his glowing catlike eyes. His right hand raised to support the long hilt of masamune while the blunt end of the blade rested elegantly on his right bicep, the sound of his leather glove creaked as his left hand gripped harder on his soon to be blood satiated weapon. 

“Who are you to dare face the three of us? You are a fool, boy. You know not who you trifle with! We will tear you apart!” 

A scoff would leave the male, a slight disdain at their underestimation of himself. Did they not just see what happened moments ago? Taking a deep breath, he dignified the warriors with a simple, assertive response.  

“Hmph... Come and try.” 

(To be continued...)

[impala-dreamer]

Two Weeks Notice - Day Six

~With the world practicing self-isolation, Y/N and Dean break all the rules of social distancing and common decency as they explore an empty bunker and use the time alone to their playful advantage��~ 

Dean x Reader

1,947 Words

Warnings: NSFW. Fluffy, Costumed Smut.

Two Weeks Notice Masterlist ~ My Masterlist ~ Become A Patreon ~ My Original Works on Amazon

Dean lay back in bed, memory foam mattress forming perfectly around his aching hips. He’d never admit it in a thousand years, but Y/N’s Fuck-Fest 2020 was making him a bit sore around the joints. Not that he was complaining. He was enjoying the ever-loving hell out of it, and her. There was something very relaxing about doing whatever you wanted with no fear of someone else- Sam - walking in on you at the wrong moment. Hell, he was even considering not wearing pants for the rest of the week.

That and Y/N seemed so open to play at whatever popped into his head. He was certain the whole vampire thing wouldn’t go down well, but she leapt at the chance and played it out perfectly. They were exploring each other and the bunker and it was magical. He had almost forgotten that the outside world was in chaos and that Chuck was breathing down their necks.

Almost.

Alone for a moment, he fluffed up the pillow behind him and texted his brother.

‘How’s it going up there?’

As always, Sam answered quickly. ‘Fine. A little bored stuck in the house, but we’re getting by. How’s Y/N?’

‘Oh, she’s doin reeeallll good.’

Dean could picture the look of disgust on Sam’s face.

‘Make sure you guys are washing your hands and… disinfecting the sheets.’

Dean laughed at the screen. ‘I don’t think the sheets are the problem…’

‘Gross. Clean up before I get back, please.’

‘You got it. Hey Sammy- Stay safe up there, OK?’

‘Obviously…. You too.’

As much fun as he was having, he did miss Sam, and Jody, and the girls, and Cas.

“Ahem.”

Y/N’s call to attention did just that, shoving away any lamenting thoughts from Dean’s mind and focusing his eyes on the doorway. The door was open and under the frame stood Y/N, wrapped in a familiar tan trench coat, the sash pulled tight around her waist.

Dean’s jaw dropped.

“Hey there, sexy,” she greeted, posing for him, one bare knee popping out from the folds of the coat.

He swallowed hard, trying to wrap his head around the intensely arousing sight before him. “Hey yourself,” he whispered back, tripping over his tongue.

Y/N ran one hand slowly up the door frame, the long sleeve of the coat dropping down to reveal a smooth, naked arm. “Whatcha doin’?”

A bit of drool sloshed from the corner of his mouth and he wiped it away with the back of his hand. “Wonderin’ where you got Cas’s coat from.”

Y/N licked her lips and turned slowly so that he would see all her curves and edges. “Stole it from his room. Who knew he had more than one of these things?”

“He’s gone through a few over the years.” There was a lump in Dean’s throat that he was sure was his lust in physical form, and he spoke around it, trying to keep his cool. “None have ever fit him like that though.”

She took a step inside the room, bare feet moving in a perfect dance toward the bed. Her hips swayed, her lips parted. “You like?” Painted fingers ran over the sash and tugged the ends, squeezing her waist even tighter.

Dean lost his breath. “Uh...yeah. Yeah, I do.”

Y/N laughed sweetly. “Knew you would.”

His brow raised as she neared the bed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

One knee on the bed, mattress moulding around her. “Nothing, it’s just...sometimes you get a look in your eye when Cas is around.”

Dean startled, pushing himself up against the headboard, crushing the pillows beneath him. “I don’t have a thing for Cas,” he said sternly.

“I didn’t say you did.”

“You kinda did.”

“Whoa!” Y/N threw her hands up and laughed to herself. “All I’m saying is…guys in long coats are hot. And so is Cas. He’s a damned angel for fuck’s sake. Who wouldn’t wanna try it if they could?”

Dean pouted and shrugged, thinking it over. “Yeah, I guess.”

“And anyway, Cas isn’t here right now.” Another knee on the bed and Y/N climbed over him, fitting her thighs tight around his. “And I’m wearing a surprise for you beneath all this tan.”

Dean licked his lips and lifted his knees, forcing Y/N to slide closer to him. “Oh, really?” He chewed his lip and tried to peek between the coat folds. “Whatcha got on under there? That hot pink strappy thing?”

Y/N shook her head, grinning innocently. “Nope.”

“Hmm… the black one piece with the hole in the-”

“Not even close!”

Dean ran his hands down her back, trying to feel for a clue. “OK, I give up. What’s hiding under all that London Fog?” He flicked at the lapel and Y/N swatted his hand away.

“Tisk, tisk. Patience, Mr. Winchester.”

Dean laughed. “Yeah, patience and I ain’t exactly ever been on good terms.”

She smiled and opened the knot on the sash, letting the ties fall to her sides. “Then I guess I won’t keep you waiting any longer.”

His eyes dipped to the buttons as she opened each one, taking her sweet time, driving him insane. When the last was popped, Y/N sat back a bit and pulled open the coat, revealing his ultimate favorite costume: nothing.

Dean growled. “This. This is perfect.” He reached forward and cupped her breasts in his hands, loving the heat of her, the softness. Her nipples hardened instantly beneath his wide palms and she leaned forward to kiss his plump lips.

“You like?”

“Baby,” he moaned, his brain already buzzing with hunger. “I love.”

She bit down his words, sucking them from his mouth with her perfect lips; hands massaging his neck and shoulders, digging into him, begging for him.

He moaned into her mouth, still playing with her tits, loving how close she was, how perfect, heavy against him. He felt himself swelling and let his mind drift as Y/N licked into his ear, nipping and sucking wherever the urge brought her. When she ran out of room, she tugged on his shirt and Dean sat up too quickly to remove it and something popped. A lightning bolt of pain flew from his right shoulder all the way down to his ass and beyond, pooling in his foot until everything went numb for a moment.

“Fuck!”

Y/N flew backwards, hoping off of him as his pained curse filled the room. “What happened? Are you OK?”

Dean hissed and clenched his teeth as he shifted on the bed trying to ease the strange pain. “Yeah, just… something pulled funny.”

Her face dropped and Y/N lay a soothing hand over his heart. “Did I break you?”

Despite the discomfort, Dean laughed and grabbed her hand, bringing it to his lips. “No. I’m OK. just like… ouch.” With a sigh, he scooted down the bed and found a pillow to crash into. “Come ‘ere.”

Y/N pouted but laid down with him, stealing half of his pillow instead of using her own. She always liked his better anyway. “I’m sorry. Maybe this week’s been too much.”

“Hey.” Dean’s brow creased as he went on the defense. “This week’s been amazing, you shut your mouth. I’m just…”

“Old?”

He scoffed. “How dare you!”

Y/N cupped his jaw and patted his cheek lovingly. “I don’t care how old you get. You’re perfect. And old’s better than dead anyway.” She winked and he nodded.

“You got that right.”

“So let’s just cuddle.” She turned onto her side, facing away from him, and settled in. “You can cuddle, cantcha?”

Dean smiled and rolled to fit himself behind her, one arm slung over her middle. “Yes, ma’am.”

Y/N sighed and lay her hand on his, keeping him there. “Good.”

He closed his eyes and let the pain subside, nuzzling into the crook of her neck. She smelled like apples and wind; like that summer he spent on the farm in upstate New York. Fresh and sunny and real.

She wiggled a bit, getting comfortable, and Dean hummed in interest as her ass rubbed against him; just a thin layer of cotton and that old trench coat lying between them. He pushed his hips forward and let his body do what it wanted.

His lips wanted her throat, so they took it, kissing and suckling at the tender flesh beneath her ear; teeth gently scraping at her shoulder, inducing a shiver that brought her closer still.

His hand wanted her supple flesh, so it rose from her waist to her tits, rolling each nipple between his long, calloused fingers until she moaned and pushed her ass backwards more, arching against him.  

His body wanted more, wanted all of her. He left her breasts and slid down her body, carefully pushing her legs apart and pressing against her pussy. Her heat was intoxicating. Her fingers wrapped around his wrist and urged him onward; her breath becoming heavy as he dipped inside.  

“Want you,” she moaned, twisting her neck to reach his lips.

He kissed her hard. “You have me.”

“You promise?”

Her whisper blew across his lips and Dean nearly died; so taken with every tiny thing about her, he couldn’t think of ever letting her go.

“Promise.”

She turned fully then, knocking his fingers from her thighs, and took his face in her hands, kissing him hard and fully, holding onto every bit of him. When he rolled over her, she paused, pulling back from their kiss to look him in the eye. “Are you sure?”

He grinned and kissed her deeper, pushing her knees apart with his bowed legs. “I’m fine.”

The trenchcoat fell away and Y/N helped him tug the boxers from his hips, gently stripping him with warm fingers and lingering kisses.

"Slow," she whispered, guiding his cock into her. "Go slow. I wanna feel you."

Dean pushed up on his thick arms and let his hips glide back and forth, rocking gently, in and out until he was coated fully in her juices. She felt every inch of him and her body tightened more with each thrust.

“Oh god…” Her eyes were screwed shut and her lips were parted, ripe for the taking. Dean plucked at them with his teeth, sucking her into his mouth as he fell into a steady rhythm, leisurely stoking the fire between them.

When he felt her begin to pulse around his cock, he licked at her lips and set himself perfectly above her. “Y/N, open your eyes.”

She bit her lip as the orgasm loomed, unable to do much more than feel.

“Look at me,” he demanded, soft but firm. Her eyes popped open and an unstoppable smile lifted her lips. “There’s my girl. I wanna see you cum. I wanna watch you.”

Teeth still tucked into her bottom lip, she nodded and her eyes grew wider, an almost manic look taking over as her body let go. She convulsed in his arms, pussy pushing and pulling at his cock, forcing him to join her in mindless bliss for a moment.

Dean’s left elbow crumbled beneath him and he fell down, crushing her into the mattress as he came. He panted against her neck and Y/N wrapped her shaking arms tight around him, hugging him closer.

“I love you, Dean Winchester,” she whispered, expecting nothing in return.

He smiled and kissed her shoulder where the trench coat had fallen aside. He could never find the words when he needed them, ever afraid to voice them, but he knew she knew, and that was enough.

2020 Forever Tags:

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TWN: 

@rebelemilu​ @pastathighs​ @deans-baby-momma​ @bobbie3939​ @peachyafshawn​ @spencer-reids-babygirl @akrasiaev @shadowkat-83​ @deangirl7695​ @foxyjwls007 @bxbyizzy​ @chenshemesh1 @pandaxo79 

[supergirl-writingz]

Kidnapped

B!D

Request: if its not too much, maybe B!D gets kidnapped some how?

Warnings: Kidnapping, Torture, Extreme Injuries

Note: i hope you like it! i really like this one because its my first fic that is more dark! alsoo kinda want to do a part 2 of this with B!D dealing with her physical injuries, and having PTSD about the whole thing? idk maybe if you guys want haha if someone requests ill do it.. enjoy:)

You had a long day at school, and couldn’t wait to get home. Usually your sisters Kara or Alex could pick you up, but they had some DEO business to take care of. You didn’t mind walking, it was your time to clear your head after school. You texted your sisters that you were leaving, and started your walk home. 

You took your normal route and noticed that nobody else was around and it made you uneasy. You started to walk faster, when you noticed a man come out of the bushes and grab you. You tried to fight against him but he held a towel to your face, causing you to lose consciousness as you breathed in the fumes.

You woke up slowly, not remembering what happened. The second everything kicked in, you panicked. You were standing, but your arms were tied to a bar above you, so you couldn’t lower your arms. You tried to pull your arms down as hard as you could, but it didn’t work. You wished you could reach your Supergirl watch. You sighed and looked at your surroundings. You were in a dark, cement room that reminded you of a basement. There were no windows, and one door. It was freezing. You tried to calm yourself down, Kara and Alex would realize soon enough when you don’t text them saying you got home. 

Suddenly, the door opened and a man with a mask walked in.

 “You’re finally awake” he said.

“What do you want with me?” you shouted at him.

“Word on the street is that you know Supergirl’s real identity”

“Why would I know that?” you responded.

He started to explain to why he knew you were connected to Supergirl. The amount you have been saved by Supergirl, greatly outweighs the amount anyone else has. It was only time before someone made this connection.

“Well I’ll never tell you” you say, trying to sound brave.

He laughed and put his face inches away from yours, “We’ll see about that”.

You spit in his face causing him to slap you.. hard. You cried out unable to hold it in. Then he hit you again... and again... and again. It felt like the punches were getting and harder and harder with each blow. He hit your face, your stomach, your ribs, and he even punched your throat one time. You could barely breathe. You were coughing up blood and you were pretty sure your ribs were broken. 

“Are you ready to talk yet” he spat at you.

You shook your head. You weren’t gonna give up. If it was Kara in the position, she would do anything to protect you. 

“Fine. Have it your way” he said as he walked out of the room.

You took this as a chance to breathe and try to calm down. It didn’t last long until the man came back, this time with a video camera. He placed it down so it was facing you.

“What are you doing?” you asked.

“I’ve hacked into the local news channel and I’m gonna broadcast this so that Supergirl will see and reveal her identity to save you” he says with a grin on his face.

He went and turned the camera on. He told Supergirl that she had one week to reveal her identity, or he’d kill you. 

You found your opportunity and yelled “Don’t do it Supergirl I can handle it”

Your comment earned you a punch to the gut. You tried your best not to yell out, you didn’t want Kara to give in. Little did you know, Kara, Alex, and everyone you knew was watching... heartbroken at the sight of you. You looked pretty bad. You were bleeding all over. Some of it dry, some of it fresh. You were in a lot of pain too, but you had to be strong for Kara. 

Your captor got up and shut the camera off, “Now it’s time for some fun”.

He did all sorts of things to you. First off, he would drug you. The drugs made it scarier, it made you unable to react and process the pain you were going through. He beat you, he whipped you, he barely gave you enough food and water to survive, and he would use his taser on you. You had no idea how long you’ve been here. All your thoughts and memories were starting to get jumbled. You were going numb. 

As he was beating you, you were starting to lose consciousness. You thought this might be the end. You thought you were gonna die. Just as you were drifting off, you felt the beating stop. You opened your eyes again and saw Kara-well Supergirl. That couldn’t be real. It was just the drugs. You convinced yourself you were imagining it, and started drifting again. You just wanted to stop fighting, you just wanted to let go. 

You were about to when you heard Kara’s voice say, “Do not give up on me Y/N, please keep fighting”

You heard her. She was real. You were being rescued. You had to fight. You went in and out of consciousness while Kara flew you to the DEO. You were fighting to stay awake but everything hurt so bad. You wanted the pain to stop but you know you made it this far. You could do this.

You got to the DEO and Kara carried you to the Medical Bay and put you down on the bed. You saw Alex come over, tears in her eyes.

“We got you babygirl, you’re gonna be okay” Alex said with a smile.

You managed to give her a small smile and fell into a deep sleep.

You woke up with a start, not knowing what happened. You tried to get up but Alex and Kara rushed to you. 

“Shh try not to move hun, you’re okay” Kara said soothingly. 

Panic filled your body as you remembered everything thats happened. You started to cry as the pain hit you like a truck. 

Then, Lena walked in. “I’m so glad your awake darling, let me put more pain medicine in your IV”

You nodded thankfully, feeling the comfort of another familiar face. Lena had taken care of all your injuries. It was hard for her, Lena was like your third sister. You were so grateful for her. She explained the extent of your injuries and how the healing process would happen. Honestly, it was pretty bad and it freaked you out. Lena held your hand as she spoke to you, and looked in your eyes. It made the news less horrible some how. 

You looked over to Alex, “What happened to the guy who took me”.

She replied, “He’s in DEO custody, he won’t hurt anyone ever again”

This made you feel safe. I mean, as safe as you possible could after going through what you’ve been through. You made Lena and Alex go home and get some rest, but Kara stayed. You and Kara had a long talk, she felt responsible for what had happened.

“I know you would have rather me given up who you are rather than let that man do those horrible things to me, I know that. It was my choice. I wanted to be strong for you Kara, because your strong for me everyday” you said to Kara squeezing her hand.

Kara had tears in her eyes, “You were so strong, even stronger than me. I’m gonna get you through this little one” 

You smiled, “I know you are”

Kara climbed into the bed with you as you fell asleep. You knew you had a long road ahead of you. Not just physically, but mentally. You have been through something traumatic, and it wasn’t gonna be easy to recover. It was gonna take a long time for you to finally feel safe again, but somehow with your sisters and your friends by your side, it seemed possible. 

[imnotoverlyobsessive]

Looks Like Someone Picked a Whole Bushel of Oopsie Daisies: Chapter Three

Okaaaay I am so fucking sorry it's been awhile, you guys. But you're not here for my life story and personal bullshit, I'm sure (though please do feel free to ask). So here's chapter three. Enjoy... I hope?

Thank you, as always, to @edward-or-ford for being an excellent beta!

Chapter Three: Sex on the Brain Feel you under my skin; middle of the night, wonder if you feel it, too.- All Time Low, Trouble Is

There was a warm body atop Mabel’s, and lips pressed against hers. There were hands grasping her breasts, then one of them traveled down between her legs.

“Mabel,” gasped a voice as the lips traveled down her neck. A pleasant voice. Deep, but not alarmingly so. It was soothing, familiar. Comforting and arousing all at the same time.

One hand pinched her nipple while the other stroked her, and she gasped out quietly.

When she opened her eyes, Dipper leaned down to kiss her again, and-

Mabel woke with a start, disorientated. Her eyes flitted around the dark room, and she remembered she was at Candy’s. Recognizing Grenda’s sleeping form on the floor and Candy’s even breaths beside her, Mabel sighed quietly.

Well. That was certainly disappointing. Those types of dreams were the worst because she hated waking up from them.

She hadn’t always had so many sex dreams. It was a recent development. And frankly, she wasn’t a fan. Yeah, Dipper was sexy, but like. She knew that already. She didn’t need her subconscious waving a big ol’ flag with “REMEMBER HOW SEXY YOUR BRO IS?” emblazoned on it. She could do without that, thanks ever so much.

It was half an hour before she managed to fall back asleep. She definitely didn’t fill her friends in on the details the next day, even though she probably would’ve if the dream had been about literally anybody except her twin brother.

She was quite sure that when Grenda and Candy thought of “sexy” vibes in relation to Mabel, Dipper was the last person on the face of the earth who might be considered for such things.

————

The following morning, Mabel tried her absolute hardest to seem as normal as she possibly could. Y’know, talk without changes in her voice or tone or speech pattern. Gesticulate some but not too much. Talk about non-Dipper things. Definitely not because Mabel was having a great deal of difficulty thinking about anything but Dipper and what his lips and hands and teeth (oh god his teeth) would feel like on various parts of her body. That had zero to do with it.

Of course, normal for Mabel was… odd for other people, to say the least. And that suited her just fine. Really, it did. She rather liked it that way, actually. Normal people were kinda lame.

Still, there were, of course, some aspects of Mabel’s life that she sometimes wished were a bit more normal, she pondered as she brushed her hair in the bathroom mirror. Not entirely, just a bit. She wished she didn’t have to live separately from her sibling. She wished she’d found her soulmate the same way as everyone else rather than having it be a big mystery.

But most all, she wished she’d never developed these stupid feelings for Dipper. They really were stupid. Who gets feelings for their twin, anyway? Like, where did that even come from?

When Mabel thinks of the word “incest”, she pictures royal families trying to keep the bloodlines pure and stereotypical hillbillies and rednecks. What she did not picture was a modern day middle class Californian teenager.

Not that it had gotten to incest levels, of course. Obviously not. In order for anything to happen, Dipper would have to return her feelings, which he decidedly did not. Why would he?

You’re the weirdo, she reminded herself as she set her hairbrush down.

Well. It is what it is, she supposed. No reason to dwell on it.

And on that note, Mabel skipped out of the bathroom, doing a rather excellent job of pretending she was definitely not dwelling on her romantic-but-very-much-unrequited love for her brother.

Not even a little.

————

They didn’t ride in the same car. Of course they didn’t. They never did. She knew, intellectually speaking, that her and Dipper couldn’t be in the same car for the half hour drive from Candy’s to the mountains. Even five minute drives, though, her parents refused.

“What if you get stuck in traffic?” They’d demand whenever she asked if just once, Dipper could take her in his car. It didn’t seem to make a difference that the odds of a traffic jam in a town as small as Gravity Falls were minuscule at best. Eventually, she stopped asking, stopped trying to reason with them.

She wished she could text him during the drive. She couldn’t stop staring at his last message. She didn’t mean to, it was just that she sometimes got into these moods where whenever she stopped looking at his texts, she’d immediately get the irresistible urge to look at them again, even if she knew full well that all she’d see was the fifteen minute old see you in a bit.

Mabel felt bad about the whole thing sometimes. It wasn’t that she’d meant to fall in love. She truly hadn’t. But… Dipper was just so goddamn sweet. He was considerate and kind and he always asked about her day. And when she told him, he actually listened! None of the guys at her school ever did that. They just stared at her boobs while she talked.

It was suuuuuuuper guilt-inducing, though. Like, somewhere near her (it had to be near her or she’d have been going through withdrawal symptoms all her life) was her soulmate. Emotionally healthy people developed crushes on their soulmates even before they turned seventeen and felt the pull.

Evidently, Mabel wasn’t an emotionally healthy person. She’d developed a crush on her twin brother. And then it had developed into this suffocating, desperate, agonizing, all-encompassing consuming love and adoration that she just couldn’t seem to shake.

It was hard not to see him, she mused as she stared at her phone (still black because he hadn’t texted her, obviously; get a grip, Mabel). But then, it was just as hard to actually see him. The urge to touch him was even worse lately.

Sighing and leaning back in her seat, Mabel stared out the window.

She completely missed her father’s solemn gaze flickering to her briefly in the rear view mirror.

————

Mabel liked visiting Gravity Falls in the winter. She probably wouldn’t get to see snow otherwise. It was beautiful.

It had snowed in the mountains the night before, and there was frost on the ground and snow on the tops of the trees, the sun bouncing off them and making them shine. The cold air bit her face when she opened the car door, but Dipper’s smile in her direction as he stepped out of his own beat-up sedan made her forget about everything else.

Buzz buzz buzz, said the bees.

Mabel resisted the urge to dance when she saw him.

Or slap her stomach a few times. Maybe the sting of it would numb the stupid fucking bees and their stupid fucking buzzing, for god’s sake, would you shut up already-

She did neither, however (good job, Mabel girl!), instead opting for a definitely-not-nervous-in-the-slightest-so-just-shut-your-mouth smile.

“Why hello, Sir Dippingsauce!” She ambled over to him, telling herself she was doing an excellent job of not being awkward.

How long did she have to keep that up for again? A week? That was… that was fine. She could do a week. She could totally do a week, no problemo (Note: Mabel could not do a week. She could possibly do 2.5 days, and even that was most certainly pushing it, but to suggest as much is incredibly rude, as Mabel was doing her very best to make her mind into a 100% Doubt-Free Zone™).

He put an arm across his stomach, the other rigid at his side, and bowed deeply at the waist with a decidedly snooty expression on his too-attractive-to-be-legal face. “Lady Mabelton,” he greeted. “I trust your carriage ride was pleasant?”

“Indeed, milord. You may rise,” she lifted her hand in a dainty gesture, her nose (which was red from the cold) in the air. He did, grinning. “So, what d’you have planned for me n’ the ‘rents today?”

He shrugged a shoulder. “Just a fun little nature walk, I guess. Nothing crazy.”

Mabel shot him double finger guns. “Coolio, bro-lio.”

Their parents were just climbing out of the car. They always took forever. Why did people over the age of twenty-eight always take forever to emerge from a vehicle?

Mabel fiddled with the empty space her right forefinger left in gloves she wore. Gloves were always too big for her as far as finger-length went.

“Soooooo…” she drawled as her parents rounded their car. “Lesgo!”

Running off in a totally random direction, she skidded to a halt at the edge of a clearing. “Yeeeah… might wanna let me lead the way, Mabes. I know my way around pretty well, since I... y’know... live here,” Dipper said with another one of those heart-stopping grins.

Ugh.

Suddenly feeling tremendously uncomfortable again, Mabel laughed awkwardly. “Indeed you do, bro-bro. Indeed you do.” Chill chill chill it’s fine, it’s fine, totally fine up in here.

Dipper walked around Mabel and started down a winding gravel path, definitely neglecting to give her anything that could remotely be classified as “enough space to not have a heart attack”. She followed behind him after several seconds, trying very hard not to stare at his butt.

Again. Dammit.

Mrs. Pines even scolded him a bit. “Careful not touch your sister, Dipper!”

Her voice carried through the trees, and Dipper called out a quick, “kay,” over his shoulder before continuing on. It had been perhaps five minutes. Ten, maybe? Who knew? Time lost meaning when she stared at Dipper too long, and he was walking directly ahead of her. Besides, she had to pay attention to where he was going! She couldn’t really be blamed for staring at him, right?

The path widened significantly after awhile, allowing Dipper to fall back a bit, frosted gravel crunching beneath his sneakers.

“Is it okay if we walk ahead of you, Dipper?” Mr. Pines asked. “Your mother and I would like to look at the scenery a bit more clearly than we can behind you and your sister.”

Dipper nodded. “Yeah, it’s pretty straightforward from here.”

Mr. and Mrs. Pines smiled at him and stepped around him, Mr. Pines patting Dipper’s shoulder affectionately as he walked past.

Dipper fell into step beside Mabel, walking in silence. Mabel inspected her shoes. Some of the frost had gotten on the rhinestones she’d glued to them.

Glancing up in front of her after several minutes, she noticed that their parents had gotten further and further away, far out of earshot.

For the first time in as long as Mabel could remember, they didn’t seem to be paying too much attention to her and Dipper’s interactions.

Blushing furiously at the very idea of being alone with her twin, she looked down at her shoes again. Thank god for the cold. Nobody would question her red face in the cold.

“So,” Dipper said haltingly. Mabel’s head whipped up to face him, her eyes wide. She hadn’t really been expecting him to actually speak, but then she couldn’t very well have not expected it, either. It had just… never occurred to her that he might.

“So?” Mabel said back. Don’t be awkward don’t be awkward don’t be awkward-

“Well, there’s this… thing.”

“Very specific,” Mabel nodded indulgently. “Say no more, brother dear. I know of what you speak.”

His eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. “Y-you do?” He stuttered.

Mabel snorted. “Uh, no. Doi. Why would I know?”

He blinked at her. “Oh. Right. Yeah. Guess you… probably wouldn’t, huh?” He looked away and muttered something under his breath that she couldn’t quite catch.

“What was that?” She asked, pushing her hair back behind the ear closest to him, some of the strands catching on her glove.

“Oh, uh. Nothing, don’t worry about it.”

“Mm...kay?” When he didn’t say anything, just kept staring at her, she spoke up again. “What were you gonna tell me?”

“Oh! Right. Yeah. That. Right.”

“Right. That,” Mabel agreed with a nod, as if she had the slightest idea what he was talking about (note: she did not, in fact, have the slightest idea what he was talking about).

“So, there’s this thing,” Dipper said again.

“Right,” Mabel repeated.

“This thing… that I’ve been kinda meaning to tell you for… well,” he laughed hoarsely. She’d never heard him laugh like that before. “For a few years, actually.”

Her eyebrows rose. “Errhm. Okay. What is it?”

“Okay, so it’s like this,” he started, then stopped and looked up at the sky. “Why me?” He muttered, so quiet she almost didn’t hear him again.

“Okay, Dip, what’s going on? Is everything okay?”

He sighed and stopped walking. So did she. His eyes were closed, which was probably a good thing because they really were terribly distracting and whatever he had to tell her seemed pretty important. He turned his face to her again, opening them, something… different in them. Something she’d never seen before. Something she didn’t recognize.

Something urgent and terrifying and nerve-wracking in a way she didn’t entirely understand, and then-

“Kids!” Her dad called out, both parents jogging over to them. Well, okay, it was more like running. Why would they be running? They hadn’t been that far behind, yeesh.

“Shit,” Dipper muttered again, and Mabel turned to him in surprise. He’d tried to talk to her before, too. Before she’d left for Candy’s. Why? What was going on? Was he sick? If he was sick, why couldn’t he tell their parents? Oh god, what if he’d gotten an STD? What if he’d gotten somebody pregnant? No, wait, pregnancy didn’t last “a few years”, which he had said very clearly, so not that. Oh, fuckity fucking fuck, what if he’d found his soulmate?

“What’re you guys talkin’ about?” Their mom asked with a smile that was a bit too tight and didn’t reach her eyes.

Dipper shrugged. “School and whatnot. Just catching up.”

Mabel didn’t understand why he was lying, but, well. Mabel Pines ain’t no snitch, so she nodded and said, “yeppers yeppers Johnny Deppers! The usual, y’know.”

Mr. Pines inclined his head. Mrs. Pines was clasping his hand.

Her knuckles were white.

Their parents didn’t let their children out of their sight for the remainder of the hike.

Mabel could barely speak. She couldn’t even think much of anything.

What if he’d found his soulmate?

The bees never shut up, either.

[macaronsforchat]

Ladynoir July Day 20 - Déjà Vu

@ladynoirjuly2020

read on ao3!

Ladybug snickered, watching Chat Noir attempt a backflip for the 22nd time. He was determined to get it perfect, and to her amusement, that wasn’t as easy as he’d expected it to be.

Chat groaned in frustration, throwing her a glance. She smiled at him and gave him a supportive thumbs-up. There was no doubt that watching him was better than any of the homework she had waiting for her, so she would encourage him for as long as he wanted.

Suddenly, a flock of pigeons flew overhead, eliciting another loud noise of displeasure from her partner.

“Not again,” he sighed as a few feathers floated down next to him on the rooftop. She stood from her warm spot on the ground, taking her yo-yo from her hip and reaching into it to grab a small pack of tissues.

“Here we go,” she sighed with him, placing her yo-yo back on her waist and crossing her arms. Chat took a deep breath in, his eyes narrowing. He drew his head back to sneeze, and she realized right then that she was standing too close, taking the opportunity to lunge backwards. Chat sneezed loudly, not even bothering to cover his mouth in the process.

Ladybug scrunched her nose up, about to tell him off for not having manners, but before she could, a strong sense of déjà vu washed over her. As she watched him rub his nose, preparing for another sneeze, she wondered where she’d seen it all before. Obviously, anytime they fought Mr. Pigeon his allergies acted up, but that wasn’t what her brain was trying to bring to her attention.

She continued to study her partner as he sneezed seven--eight--more times, lost as to what had struck her as so familiar.

When he finally stopped sneezing, she stepped forward cautiously, handing him the package of tissues.

“Sorry,” he said, his voice nasally. And there it was again, the déjà vu hitting her like a brick.

She was pulled back into a memory, finding herself thinking about the day that she’d won the derby hat design competition. Adrien was allergic to feathers too, and the way that he’d said sorry…

Ladybug stared at her partner as he blew his nose, feeling her heart beating like it couldn’t breathe. It was just a coincidence, right? Lots of people had feather allergies. And blonde hair, green eyes, a cute nose, those lips…

She shook her head, trying to snap herself out of it because Chat was noticing that she was staring at him pretty hard. She felt a surge of panic rush through her body, knowing that Chat couldn’t find out that her brain was vividly imagining Adrien Agreste standing in front of her in a catsuit.

“That’s some allergy you’ve got there,” she said nervously, watching him sigh and sniffle. She pressed a hand to her chest, wishing she could calm down but knowing that it was more than likely impossible. It had to be a coincidence, right?

“Yeah, it really sucks,” he told her. She tilted her head, wanting to ask a million questions to see if her hunch was correct. But she knew she shouldn’t. It really wasn’t right of her to be so curious about his identity, even though she was the guardian, and she shouldn’t pry.

“Does it ever stop you from doing anything?” her mouth asked, and she felt her eyes widen, wondering why in the world she’d asked that. What was she thinking?

“Yeah, it has once,” he replied, sniffling loudly. Her stomach did a flip, another memory coming to mind.

“O-oh?” was the next thing that fell from her lips without her wanting it to. He nodded again, chuckling.

She remembered that day when she’d rushed to the fashion show. She’d been standing in his--no, Adrien’s trailer, stressing her hair out about the synthetic feather and the hat that she’d convinced herself was the ugliest thing in existence.

Ladybug found herself watching her partner carefully, waiting for him to continue.

“This hat I wore,” he started, taking a break to let out a small sneeze. “She had to replace the feather with a synthetic one or I would have been sneezing all the way…” He trailed off, taking a shaky breath in before sneezing. She couldn’t believe what she’d heard, her whole body feeling completely numb and completely on fire at the same time.

“I probably shouldn’t say much more,” he chuckled when he’d finished blowing his nose into another tissue. She went to say something, to agree with him even though he’d already said way too much, but she realized that it really was Adrien standing in front of her. Would she mess up her words like she always did? Her hands were already shaking because oh my gosh, the love of her life was Chat Noir and had been the whole time.

Wait.

How many times had she rejected him? She had rejected him so many times.

She felt like she would explode at any moment, her limbs feeling so jittery that she was sure she was going insane. Chat had noticed already, she was sure.

“M’lady?” he called, making her jump. She looked up at him, seeing his gentle curiosity waiting for her. Adrien had just called her m’lady, oh my gosh!

“You okay?” he asked, resealing the packet of tissues. She nodded, swallowing loudly before realizing she should probably answer him and not just wildly shake her head.

“Yes!” she replied, laughing nervously and wanting to rip her hair out when he only looked more concerned.

“Are you sure?” he wondered, and her heart stuttered. “Did I sneeze too many times? I know it’s kinda gross, but I promise I’m just as charming as always,” he said with a smirk, her whole body lighting up in goosebumps. Adrien Agreste did not just say that to her.

Ladybug found giggles spilling uncontrollably from her lips, a hand coming up to cover her mouth. She had always thought Chat Noir was cute, somewhere in the part of her mind where she put things she told herself not to think about, but this was a whole new level of adorable.

“There’s no doubt about that,” she spoke, her voice not faltering at all. She peeked back up at him, seeing his face growing red. Her stomach bottomed out, a blush blooming on her cheeks in response.

“W-w-what?” he got out, staring at her in disbelief. He was the king of puns, the extreme flirt himself, the cheesiest guy she knew, and he couldn’t handle her flirting back?

Her heart was racing, but she managed to shoot him a smile, winking at him. She watched as he turned completely red, fumbling for something to say as she held back her laughter.

Maybe it wasn’t such a terrible discovery after all.

~~~~~

hehe this was a dumb idea but i had fun writing it

i hope you all enjoyed! thank you for reading! <3

[xxrainstormxx]

Save it Lover Boy. Spencer Reid x Reader (Save it for the Doctor Part 2)

(A/N: In this story it’s been a few months. I’m not great at focusing on the Romance part but there is a little more than there was last time. I really hope you guys enjoy!) Word count: 2,405 Part 1 (edit: my pleas for requests for stories are not reaching people so I will beg here. If you want a oneshot I’ll write it. Prompt or no prompt.)

After the incident with my sister, my life was flipped around for the better. I began to date Spencer, the team being unaware. I finished college and thanks to a few strings JJ and Aaron had pulled I was now the BAU's personal assistant. Granted, it was a unpaid internship so it was not very glamorous but it got me the experience I need, especially if I want to be apart of this specific team. I was the one who got coffee, filled out unrelated paper work, helped JJ set up stations and boards. I still hadn't quite gotten used to that sinking feeling when the phone rings. Or when JJ approaches your desk, or the photos. You never get used to not sleeping in your own bed, the hotels, no moments of privacy, the monsters, families loosing each other. Or the pictures, it's disgusting. I especially never got used to how numb all my friends were numb to it all at the end of the day. Especially Spence, he'd been through utter hell and yet he was still sweet and managed to smile. It worried me sometimes, how relaxed they could be at the end of the day. 

So, JJ and I were setting up everything on the board. I frowned at the woman on the board. Only one, we caught it just in time for it to become a murder. It made me sick to think there was a possibility we could save the 25 year old, but instead we were called in after it became a bigger problem which made me feel sick. How easily someone gets away with something until they commit the actual murder. This woman was a very lively person. She clearly didn't deserve what she had gotten. "Samantha Burkly" JJ said softly "Poor woman." She said and left to talk to the others leaving me sitting in the conference room just tapping away at the laptop provided. I was also little Miss Penelope Garcia's assistant so I was stuck digitizing files she didn't want to, and it fucking sucked dirty dick. Yeah, let that sink in. Anyway I felt a few pairs of eyes on me only to look up and see the team staring at me through the cursed window of the room. "What?" I rose a brow causing a few to look away Spencer's eyes lingering, he was waiting for something. I don't think either of us knew what so I blew him a kiss and a subtle wink making him look away turning pink. That same shade of pink when he found me innocent and began what I would come to know as a very normal rant. His epiphanies, or what I called "braingasms" (which he absolutely despised), would strike a chord 99% of the time, and the other 1% could be brushed off as "Reid being Reid" which kinda upset me. He was a damn genius and yet no one seemed to want to listen. Sure I hadn't been around as long a the others but I would sit and listen to Spence talk for hours when on dates, I would nod, as questions and get very thoughtful and honest answers. Sure they weren't always what someone would want to hear, but did anyone ever tell you it would be good news. Reid and I could also have a very thoughtful debate. Now was that normal for couples, no, probably not. But at least he had facts to back up his opinion, making it a real debate and not just some senseless argument that fell into pointless attacks on the other person leading to a fight and rough makeup sex. Which I wouldn't mind but it'd only been a few months, and didn't wanna make an uncomfortable situation we could easily talk through anyway. What was I doing? Right, paperwork. 

As I ended my very long side rant and staring into space while also staring directly at Spencer's ass, I turned to my computer. "You shouldn't stare at people baby cakes." I heard causing me to jump out of my damn seat. "I was staring into space. Jesus Derek you scared the shit out of me!" I cursed glancing to the man with his nose in a file I was digitizing, "Sorry hun. But we need a fresh pair of eyes" he said gesturing to a new less dusty file on the table in front of my computer. I recognized the face on the front as the same woman on the board. Her name written on the front clear as day. I knew what was inside and I was proud to have not seen it but now it disturbed me that my eyes were being referred to as "Fresh" in that way. It made me feel dirty and violated in a whole new way. "Why? You guys know this case inside and out. I'm just the intern." I said and snatched the older file out of his hand. I knew this poor case inside and out by now. Decapitation and sexual assault of the esophagus. Real nasty shit ya know? The woman was 22 and then a man was found two weeks later with the same thing. But the case went cold 7 years ago. It was sad. The woman's mother had killed herself and the man's father disowned his son assuming he was gay because a man did that to the literally gaping hole in his neck. It was one of the bigger case files full of dead ends. I had become intimately aware of all the details of the case, even the signature, something overlooked by the police because they thought decapitation and violation of the hole in the neck was it, and while rare that wasn't the case. It was a soft lipstick mark left on the victims hands next to the stamp of the club they went too. It was pink so very easily missed. "Because baby, you're gonna need to get used to this if you ever wanna be promoted. You can't react like you did back in January and vomit on the floor." Derek chided me softly "Fine, But you have to stop calling me baby, we aren't together. Also stop touching the files they're in alphabetical order and you're fuckin it up" I hissed smacking his hand away from another file at the bottom of the stack. "pissin me off Agent Moron" I wailed as he laughed at the new insult. I could literally feel Spencer's jelousy from the next room. It was honestly kind of cute but I could not be thinking of my boy's sweet face at the moment, I was about to see what really happened to poor Samantha Burkly. I took the new file off the table and opened it to the pictures and I was hit with a familiarity. "Derek this isn't funny. I was just looking at this file" I declared nonchalantly as I lobbed it back onto the table going back to the laptop "What the hell are you talking about?" He asked "that's a brand new file" He said "A red headed woman decapitated with semen in her esophagus and a pink lipstick mark on her hand next to it? That Hellen Barsly not the Burkly girl" I stated "You leave out Jason Green to make it more realistic?" I muttered never once looking up "Pin lipstick mark?" he questioned grabbing the file "I'll be damned there it is. You barely looked at it. That woman is Samatha Burkly" he blinked "Har har Derek" I hissed snatching the file and opened the file as Spencer walked in to listen. I barely acknowledged him because I was pissed at this point.

"I know the Banshee Hunter of West Point case better than my own fucking computer history" I said and held it up to the picture before being shocked as I saw that the decapitated woman was in fact Samantha. Right next to her living photo. "The what?" Reid asked, clearly never having heard of it. "Oh my god. OH MY GOD" I yelled and ran back to my seat pulling out all the files related to The BHWP case, I knew full well that this case was bigger than it seems. "Penelope has me on digital file duty and these cases caught my attention for some reason. The case went cold 7 years ago." I mumbled pulling up all the files that were back at the office in my desk as I'd finished them. I had a whole folder for all the connected cases, even ones where the M.O and victimolgy had changed. "The first murder dated back to 1970. A woman by the name of Jenny Boil had disappeared, she was 24 years old. Found decapitated in the middle of the highway her esophagus had been sexually assaulted. She had red hair with a soft pink kiss mark on her hand and her mouth had been stretched open like a banshee. And because her hair was red along with numerous victims leading up to the sudden coldness of the case. There are cases where the victimology changed completely or the M.O so the police never connected them or assumed they were copy cats" I rambled as I quickly set up a time line that ended with Samantha "and now hes back with the latest victim" I hit enter and the time line stretched across the screen victims all over the screen. "the pink lip stick marks. Originally they were thought to be remorse but I think this guy has some kind of fucked up chivalrous attempt" I squawked and pushed my chair to the whiteboard standing on it feeling eyes on me. I didn't know or care how many. I heard frantic flipping and click me. "This guy has over 100 known victims only 12 of them not red heads. Only 11% of his victims don't fit the victims and only 3 don't fit the M.O of the others making that 2%!" I yelled as if I was Spencer. I could feel my face turning red with adrenaline. "Now all of these cases 100 percent all have a kiss mark on the hand, same brand and color of lipstick, A frosted pink lipstick, 67 Peach Pink from the brand Nestacia" I wrote that down "And all these cases I noted have three different overlapping suspects" I said pushing Spencer out of the way of my computer and printed up their pictured and grabbed them hanging them up "Now!" I continued slapping the board "This man right here is no Biological male! His name is Tyler Grant a 59 Year old trans man! He couldn't have done it but that doesn't mean he couldn't have helped" I said noticing the whole team in the room. No one tried to interrupt because I assumed I looked batshit insane. 

I was right cause I caught my refection and my hair was everywhere now, I was sweating, and my pupils were shaking. I didn't care I was on a roll. "There is no plausible way the semen belongs to him!" I said "These also can't be a copy cat killer-" I began before being unceremoniously interrupted again "But how do you-" he began before i loudly shushed Spencer. "Save it lover boy! I'm getting to that! Lemme talk your turn in over" I said making him smile just a little "As i was saying, it can't be a copy cat killer because there was also another unnoticed factor! The strange shape of the lips! No one draws on their lips this way but the pallet is larger on one side than the other. The killer has a cleft pallet, which cannot be a coincidence!" I said "and as you can see! This man right here! Leston Nikolia has a cleft pallet. But because they never had proof he'd done it due to the overlooked lipstick marks he walked free!" I yelled circling him "And we don't talk about Henry for the simple fact that he is Impotent and was in jail during the last 7 murders before Samantha and he's dead now!" I finished and took a large inhale and sat down "the lip stick is enough reasonable suspicion to bring him in for questioning. He's a coward. He cannot face people head on and most likely has high anxiety and is easily paranoid it wouldn't be hard to get a correct confession." I panted "Reid! Is this what it feels like when you solve a fucking problem? I feel like my brain just had 7 orgasms" I wished sitting back "It was always circumstantial but now that there a new victim sitting in front of me I'm sure it was him" I wished taking more deep breaths "I'm going to call Garcia and see if I can get a fact check on everything." Aaron began making my heart sink, please please don't discredit everything I just gave you. "JJ can you get us a location? Reid get started on a warrant the minute JJ gets it, Derek get a game plan together, Prentiss and I will do more investing on this Nikolia guy, and (Y/N)." he finished turning to me. "Keep going over every file you have and see if you can connect anymore of these murders. Good work" He said and the team began to work. "Holy shit" I gasped and Spencer smiled at me "You might have just solved this case." He said kissing my forehead "and I'm so damn proud" he whispered. I was still riding my knowledge high, the adrenaline still pumping so not caring that we were at work, I kissed Spencer straight on the lips. He froze because we were still in a work setting but slowly kissed back. His lips were soft, we hadn't had a proper first kiss, just forehead kisses, cheek pecks, and occasional pecks on the lips if Spencer was feeling sausey. I just giggled pulling back "That was... so much at once. How does your brain do that all the time?" I asked "Mine's been doing it a lot longer. See you after work okay?" he whispered and went to do his job "Right. Work" I whispered and sighed turning to my laptop cracking my knuckles doing real work for the first time in my internship. Who knows, maybe me and Penelope could do this kind of thing together!

[thewritingstar]

Up in the Clouds

Fandom: The PowerPuff Girls

Pairing: Blossick (Brick and Blossom aka Reds) 

I have been on a hype for the Reds lately and i have almost forgotten how much i love my og otp. This fic is kinda of all over and messy but its cute and i like it. A little out of character but i have a soft spot for the hc that the boys grew up and soon they all became closer, so the most unoriginal idea ever. 

Hope you enjoy! I should prob right for the other pairings too lol. 

------

“For this assignment, you will be given an emotion at random and must write AND present about.” The class groaned as she handed out the papers. “You can look at it however you want. Whether its stating things that occur during emotion or what you personally feel, be creative. You’ll present at the end of the month.” 

Brick took the papers and passed them back to the next student as the teacher came by and dropped a folded piece of paper on his desk. 

“Also there will be no changes. You get what you get.” She stated and he rolled his eyes as he opened the small piece. 

Love. 

His hands crumbled the paper in his fist and he knew it would be pathetic to try and get someone to change. He could do this. All he needed to do was make up some sappy shit and piss on about it. He thought about talking about platonic love or family love. How even though his brothers made him want to smash their faces into walls until their blood flows down his hand, he still cared about them. It felt more like he was obligated too anyways. 

“I got happiness, which is pretty vague. Hey Blossom? Which one did you get?” A fellow student, he thinks is named Alicia asked the pink puff. 

“Oh I got sorrow.” She responded and everyone had gone into discussions about their ideas and assignments. 

A guy turned to Brick to ask about his but he was already out the door as the bell rang. 

The cafe welcomed him as the small bell chimed. His head had been a mess after the assignment was made and although he had seven drafts planned out, none of them seemed to work. He even asked Boomer about it and as he went into detail about a blue eyed, pig tailed super hero, Brick was already regretting asking him. 

He ordered at the counter, just a simple soda and a crepe and turned to find a seat. He saw an empty table pressed against the wall to his left but as he turned to the right he saw another table. Occupied with a pink eyed, bow wearing superhero. 

He was already at the table before he registered what was happening. She seemed to be alone and he took her by surprise as she looked up. 

“Oh, Hi Brick.” She said and he gestured to the seat and she scooted a book out of the way before he plopped down. 

“What are you doing here, its like eight o’clock on a school night.” He noticed that the sun was dying down. 

She shrugged and pointed to her milkshake. “I had a craving, plus I have a late start period for school so I came here to clear my head. Plus Bubbles was being especially loud on the phone.” he already knew that she was referring to her and Boomer. They had been talking nonstop and not even a lamp thrown at his head would shut him up. 

“What are you doing here?” She asked him and he mimicked the shrug and pointed to his crepe. 

“Cravings. And needed some space, this English assignment is kicking my ass.” He didn’t know why he admitted to that and he saw her eyes perk up. 

“The emotion one?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Yeah. Me too.” 

That took him by surprise. She was the one who was always raving with emotion, this should be a breeze. 

“What did you get?” She asked him. His eyes traveled to his plate were warm chocolate and fresh strawberries collided. 

“Strawberry.”

She let out a small laugh and he furrowed his eyebrows. 

“I meant for the project.” 

oh. 

He felt incredibly dumb at that moment and she bubbled out another laugh. That small sound was actually pleasant to hear and for some reason, he wanted to hear it again and again. 

“Oh. Um I got love.” He didn’t know why he felt slightly embarrassed and he picked up his drink to chugged it down as she held a puzzling expression. 

“Hmm that is a tough one. There’s all types of love.”

“That’s what i was thinking. Well, what about you?”

“Sorrow.”

“Well that’s easy, just pick something sad.” 

She said nothing for a moment and instead went to her milkshake, which he noticed was also strawberry, not that it mattered. 

“I don’t think its thats simple. Jeremy got sad and I got sorrow so i need to make sure it doesn’t sound similar.” 

“But they are similar.” 

“Well yes but-”

“Just talk about a loss you had as a superhero. What it feels like to not be able to save the day or something.” He was met with another round of silence. 

Her eyes traveled outside the window. the sun was now in its sunset glow and the sky had become a mixture of purple and pink as it faded out the blue. From the cafe you could see the lines of the city skyscrapers blending into the sky. It was quiet on this side of town and he wondered what it would be like to float onto those clouds, careless and free. 

--

And so they did. After she finished her milkshake and he his soda, he posed that they traveled to where only they could go. Why? He didn’t know and neither did she. 

Her legs dangled off the cloud that hovered just above the ocean. Some would be afraid that they would fall through but they had used their powers to keep them up. 

The cool air blew against their faces and he felt like he could breath better than on the ground.

“Have you ever been in love?” She asked out of the blue, her eyes were focused on the small waves rolling onto to the shore. 

“No.” A simple answer that he wasn’t to sure of. he should of been certain. he didn’t know what love, a romantic connection felt like. He had dated girls before, all throughout middle and high school but never once did those words cross his mind. 

“Me either.” She responded and he turned towards her. 

It was almost as if he couldn’t breath. A swell inside his chest had taken hold and he wondered why she looked so...beautiful against the light. the soft glow of the sun setting made her hair more vibrant and her baby pink eyes sparkle. He wanted to scream at himself for thinking like that but when she turned and caught his eyes, he watched the blush spread slowly on her fair skin and that protest had been silenced. 

They held each others gaze. He was right, he had never been in love before, but if he had then he would need a new word for what was happening to him now. His memory fled back to every girl he had ever dated and some how, somewhere, she was there in the background. During their fights or even civil conversations, she was the only one to catch his attention.

They had grown up together, viciously of course but after spending his adolescent wanted to rip her head off, he just wanted to pull her close. He never believed in fate or soulmates or what not but sometimes, even as a stupid kid, he wondered if that pink counterpart of a girl was actually made for him. 

“Thats a shame.” He whispered and he leaned closer as she did the same. 

“For the both of us.” But they barely beard her words as their lips connected. 

Her lips were soft as the cloud they were on. The taste of strawberry was on her lips and her hands wrapped around his neck as his got lost in her long ginger locks. They had spent all their time avoiding each other when they both knew that they would always return to each other. 

Every break up was about her. The girl getting mad at how he stared at her or made time to study but not for them. he didn’t realize it until now but that hatred he carried at the start of his creation had melted away slowly like an icicle at the end of winter. 

They pulled away and it felt colder than it was before. Her eyes still locked to his. Pink and Red. Just like the sunset and sky. Just like the glow of a bright raging fire. Just like them. 

it felt like eons had passed before she looked towards the city. That vibrant sunset was long gone as the sky had turned a deep black and was now painted with stars. 

“i should go.” She said but it sounded forced as if she was saying she didn’t want to. 

He nodded and they agreed that it was best to part separate since she lived on the other side. He helped her stand up, their feet sinking into the cloud and she turned to him with a soft smile. “Have a nice night Brick.” And soon the dark sky had a flash of pink that disappeared quickly under the stars. 

--

Bricks mind was lost and he tapped his pencil to his desk quietly. the presentations had started for the week and so far happiness, anger, fear and sorrow were up. His mind finally came back to focus towards the end of Blossoms piece and he had cursed himself for barely hearing the first half. 

“Its empty and cold, like an unforgiving stare. It haunts you in your dreams and leaves you feeling numb. It lingers and when you think that the pain and suffering is done, it washes over you again, taking and taking until the only sensation left is a hollow shell. 

My sisters and I have felt this on multiple occasions. When you can’t save everyone and feel the pity and sadness within the air. But joy and laughter can bring the sadness to a end. The sorrowfulness lasts longer than you think. And it makes you believe that nothing matters anymore.” Blossom finished the last of her piece. Her eyes, along with others in the class had glazed over and she was sure her teacher had been brought to tears at her story and ending. 

The applause from the class surrounded the room and she took a small bow before returning to her seat.

Maybe after class they could talk.

The bell sounded through the class and Blossom made her way out of the class. Another school day over.

“Hey.” She turned to see Brick. The students around them were bush trying to leave and get out quickly before a line at the parking lot formed.

“Hey” She returned softly and it dawned on them that they really didn’t know what was between them. 

That night a few weeks ago had not be forgotten but was placed high up on a shelf, they almost forgot about it, almost. Its not like they were avoiding each other, no, school and work had overcome both of their lives, mostly hers of course. 

“So do you maybe wanna go-” He started but the red pair was interrupted with a flash of blue between them. 

“Hey Blossom! Hi Brick.” Bubbles smiled brightly. “Oh Bloss just to let ya know tonight is Sister Showdown.” Her smile held a evil glare and she turned and exited school. 

“What the hell is Sister Showdown?” He asked and Blossom blew up her bangs. 

“Its a competition thing between Bubbles and Buttercup. Last time one was held, we had to replace our roof so I’d rather not be there.” The hallways were no empty and it was just them. “So what were you saying?” 

--

They ended up at the cafe for the third time that week. Every milkshake and crepe was finished with a trip to the clouds as they watched the sun set. They never spoke about what they were or the emotions, just enjoyed each others company and maybe left the night with a kiss or two. 

They talked about anything and everything, sometimes just sitting quietly and counting the waves. 

Her sisters would asked where shes been and she had the same studying excuse before humming to herself and falling asleep with a smile at her lips. 

His brothers would hound on him, teasing him and slapping him until he would throw them off and the subject would be dropped, but they never missed the fact that he was in a better mood. 

It was their secret. The clouds and them. He found it easier and easier to write his paper after watching endless movies, though in the back of his mind, the two main love interest were always replaced with a pair of redheads. Pink and red. 

--

The end of the presentation days came and of course Brick was the last to go.

“That’s the thing about love. You think you know yourself as the days go by, that you recognize every moment as what they are. Love can’t blind you if you’re always aware. It won’t bother you as you keep it in line, making sure that you don’t slip up as you keep reminding yourself there’s no point.” He looked up and was met with a wide pair of eyes. 

Pink. Bright pink. 

“And then you jolt awake. It hits you faster than the speed of light and soon you are falling. Your lungs squeeze tight as you gasp for air and only when you admit to yourself is when you can breath. Love will force you to look at all the positives. It forces that other person onto a silver platter and a podium that is so small, only they can stand on it. They might not think they are perfect but your mind becomes numb and blind to the heart, its the only explanation. That’s the thing about love, right when you think you’ve fallen, you hit the ground.” 

He hadn’t even looked at his paper as his eyes were still lined with hers. The applause in the room shook him to his core as he broke the gaze held with the fiery redheaded girl. 

“And when you never think love will come towards you, you might find that its been there all along.” 

He couldn’t tell you what the teacher said as he returned to his seat and his mouth was parted open slightly as it dawned on him what he had just done. 

He wrote that for the assignment. Based off of shitty romance novels and movies. But in the end, it had been for her. 

Always her. 

--

She found him high up in the clouds that night. They hadn’t spoken since and every word he said had ran through his mind. 

Their shoulders touched as she sat next to him. Both their eyes focused on the waves below. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, it felt natural and good. Although the quiet night was peaceful, he was ridged and frozen in place. 

Even with his blank expression, she could tell his mind was racing. He was choosing his words and mapping out the thoughts and scenarios one by one. And she was doing that too but there were times where planning and perfection weren’t always the best plans. 

He turned towards her, his mouth open as if he were ready to speak but she had already decided that he had said enough. The next thing he knew, her lips were connected with his. 

Its soft and sweet. Delicate but fragile. His eyes had closed and his hand gently rested on her cheek as she leaned into his touch. He could hear her heartbeat thumping at a fast pace and knew his was just the same. A small sound escaped her lips as he tilted his head and soon her arms were around his shoulders as they fell deeper into each other. She could feel the smirk on his lips as they pulled away. 

Both breathing heavily for air as their foreheads rested against one another. 

“Did-did you mean what you said.” She whispered and kissed the corner of his mouth. “Everything you said?”

He rested the urge to not pull her back into another breathtaking kiss but instead raised an eyebrow. “What if it wasn’t about you?” He teased but they both knew the truth. They couldn’t lie anymore, not to each other at least. 

She smirked as she placed down between them before meeting his eyes. That motion alone had him spiraling as she leaned in closer, her lips brushing his. “Then I guess it would be a shame to say that I’ve fallen.” 

“It would be a shame for the both of us.” He kissed her. “But I’ve been on the ground for a long time.” 

“Good.”

---

I hope you liked it!!!

[amelink66world]

Love of my Life

Heyy guys!! So this is the next part. Make sure you read the previous parts before starting with the new ones. Anyway, enjoy!!! <3

Some Time??

Link went with Amelia to her place at Mer's after the puppy surprise. Link couldn't ask for a better partner. He was already thinking about building a future with her. She was perfect for him. He finally had a purpose here in Seattle. He was actually feeling like a lost puppy...no pun intended, he chuckled, after Meredith stood him up. Jo had pushed him in her direction and he had even liked her but he soon realised, it was not supposed to be him who took her to dates in the first place. Deluca, who had become a really close friend of his, was the one for her. He was gloomy for a while until Meredith apologised to him. Knowing Link, he obviously forgave her.

He was okay until Amelia came thundering in his life like a hurricane...again, no pun intended, he chuckled. He was the most at ease with her. There was just something about her that he couldn't pinpoint. She always made him feel desired with the way she looked at him. Some people questioned his calm and laid back exterior but she welcomed it with open arms. She actually kinda liked it. She did strange things to him, things couldn't actually explain. She had some sort of power over him. No one had ever made him feel like this.

Currently, Link woke up in an all too familiar room with blue sheets and walls with the woman of his dreams in his arms. He couldn't actually see clearly because his head was buried in her soft, brown hair. He inhaled the vanilla scent of her hair. She just loved the smell and feel of her hair. She ha the most amazing hair, well second to him as no one could compete with his hair. He was not smug, it was just a fact.

               She was still sleeping with the most adorable pout on her face. Link raised his head slightly to look at her face better. She was facing away from him and he couldn't get a good look but he was ready for compromise until God answered his silent prayer and Amelia shifted in her sleep mumbling something. She always talks in her sleep. Link chuckled at how adorable he found this habit of hers to be. He noticed even the slightest things about her. She was like an open book. She wore her emotions on her sleeves. Sometimes it was difficult to read her too but Link was becoming an expert at doing so.

Amelia turned in his direction and wrapped her arms around his torso. Without disturbing her, Link raised his body gently and propped his head on an elbow to get a good look. I look like a stalker. But I can't help it. She is just so beautiful. Her face was completely relaxed. He noticed just now that her eyes were slightly almond shaped. He knew she had big, blue eyes but it was just then that he realised they were almond shaped. She had a tiny button nose. Link really loved her nose. It was just so cute and small. It was his favourite feature in her face apart from her eyes and lips and...Wait, what's left then? Forget it, her whole face is my favourite. He bent slightly to place a soft kiss on her nose. She seemed unfazed.

                    His eyes drifted lower to her lips. They were just so full and soft and pink. He loved her lips. The softest. He ran his hand along her hair and lovingly brushed some loose strands away which landed on her face because of the wind entering through the open window. His right hand lingered on her cheek. He placed it firmly now and decided, Enough with the staring now. It's time to wake up!

He leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her lips. She stirred. He now kissed her with more intensity with the utmost intention of waking her up. She opened her blue eyes to his bluish- grey ones staring right back at hers. She smiled. She could wake up like this forever. "Good morning to you too, stalker, " she laughed at his faux hurt expression. " HEY! I'm not a stalker! ", he exclaimed blowing a tuft of his hair out of his face petulantly. She was laughing really hard, "Yeah right ."

Her laugh. Oh, how he loved her laugh. He could hear it all day long. It was like music to his ears. Too cheesy, bleh. Get a hold over yourself, Link. You're not some lovesick teenager. He tightened his arms around her and turned them over. " You just wait...", he attacked her neck with feather kisses making her sigh with pleasure. He pulled back and Amelia stared up at him quizzically. With a devilish smile on his face and a confused expression on hers, he dove right back in to prepare her for the ensuing onslaught. Amelia felt his fingers moving up her stomach and she squirmed beneath him.

Something totally unexpected happened then. She felt a soft pinch on her side. She yelled with surprise. " Ouch. What was that for? ", she asked with a mock angry face. He blinked at her innocently. " What do you think it was? " He then pushed his tshirt that she was wearing to expose her skin and proceeded to tickle her mercilessly. She was astonished for a second before squirming under him uncontrollably. She was laughing hysterically now. " Someone's very ticklish, I see. Hmmm"

He was having the time of his day teasing her like this. " Liiinkkk. Stop it." She was breathing heavily, "Pleasee, stop. I'm veryyy ticklish." She started laughing heartily on the new set of tickles on her exposed abdomen. He grinned down at her and moved lower to get level with her stomach. He held her stomach from both sides to prevent her from evading what he was about to do. He started blowing raspberries on her stomach. Amelia started guffawing and panted heavily. " Link, stooop. You'll wake up the kids. Stop, stop, stop " She held on to his arms for dear life and pleaded him. She started mock crying and he knew it was time for him to stop.

He moved back up to her and laid down close beside her. Both of them were grinning at each other with lovable gazes. Suddenly something in Amelia changed and she shifted. All of a sudden she straddled him and grabbed his hands to keep them at bay. Link stared at her slyly. Amelia whispered in his ear, " It's time for your punishment."

Her hot breath on his ear caused a shiver to travel down his spine. Link grinned at her and playfully said, " Are you punishing me or rewarding me? ", he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. She answered with a loud laugh. " That is for me to decide ," she dove in to kiss him hungrily.

Link got called in after they were done punishing each other. Amelia had a day off so she was left all alone to get bored. She blew a big puff of air from her mouth. Meh, what a boring day !! It was times like these that she wanted to pick into someone's brain. She hoped someone's aneurysm blew and she got called in. She was not a horrible person, believe me, she was just epically bored. Out of nowhere, her phone dinged and she received a text from Owen. He was requesting her to take Leo out of daycare and to his house as he had to rescue Schmitt and the golden blood donor. She quickly replied with a thumbs up emoji thanking God to grant her some work.

She hurried to the hospital and picked Leo up. She hoped to see Link on her way but couldn't find him. She was slightly disappointed but let it slide. At Owen's house, she was only there for a half hour when the doorbell rang to surprisingly reveal a heavily pregnant Teddy. She sarcastically commented about opening a time portal seeing Amelia with Leo. Amelia could not have agreed more with her. What an irony. Amelia chuckled. She was pulled out of her thoughts when Teddy started professing her love for Owen to her. Amelia was listening confusedly to her ramblings and didn't interrupt. She realised with a start that Teddy's water had broken.

What happened after that was a blur to both the ladies. It was just indescribable chaos. She had accidentally revealed Teddy's baby daddy's sexual romps with her OB and cursed her blabbering mouth. Inspite of that, as usual, Amelia's quick thinking saved the day. Teddy successfully delivered a beautiful baby girl, Allison. She was now standing outside her hospital room observing her happy family. Teddy surely deserved it. She felt bad for her teacher though. He loved her with his while being and would be devastated to know what Teddy was up to. Despite all of that, she was really happy for Owen. She had always wished hum happiness. He finally receive it. Teddy was perfect for him.

The view of the perfect family made Amelia's mind race. Amelia and Owen did not end up on a happy note. She always wanted them to be those Together Forever couples but that didn't happen. They were just not meant to be. Her mind then wandered off to Link. That perfect man waltzed into her life and turned it upside down. In such a short notice, Amelia was totally invested. This scared her to an unbeatable degree. What if her sisters were right? What if there was still some tumor left behind and she was crazy? What if Owen was right? Would she break Link? Would she lose Link too like she did all the other men in her life whom she loved? Was he just a rebound? She haulted her racing thoughts there. He most definitely was not a rebound.

He was what she had needed all along. But still she could not help but think if she jumped into him too soon. She knew he was not a rebound but she did not give herself much time to recover from her harsh breakup before running into Link's arms. He deserved better. She deserved some time to recover, to heal. Link did not deserve such treatment. He told her a few days back that this 'relationship' of theirs started feeling like something real to him. She was internally dancing with joy when he said that but then he asked her if she felt the same thing thing. She absolutely did. Surely did. But no words left her mouth. Her mind suddenly went blank and numb. She couldn't answer him. Instead she asked him for some time to answer his question. He looked disappointed but quickly guarded his expression. After all he was Link. He never displayed his hurt to others.

She was comprehending his words in her mind. This felt real to him. I'm hurricane Amelia!! I know I'll hurt him someday or the other. I can't do that to him. I'm reckless and unreasonable sometimes. Link surely doesn't need that. Does he? She silently hoped that he wanted her along with he negative qualities. She was highly doubting her actions of the past two months spent with him. It was too soon. She knew herself. She always got too attached too soon. Se completely jumped into a relationship right after one ended. She needed to clear her head. She needed some clarity. She did not want to break up with him, she just wanted some space. She wanted to get to know him better. She wanted to go on dates with him before her no filter mouth uttered those three words which she was aching to say after the wonderful time spent with THE GOD this morning. She had to talk to him and explain him that they needed to take it slow.

A hand on her shoulder pulled her out of her incessant thoughts. She knew that touch. She didn't even have to turn her head in his direction to know who it was. I hope what she is about to say doesn't hurt him. I won't be able to see that.

Link spoke gently, " I heard about what happened with the police officer. Quick thinking, Smartypants." She smiled at the nickname. " How are you doing? Are you okay? " He was quick to notice where her gaze lingered. He understood she must be hurt seeing her ex-husband with another woman and their child. He tried his best to be there for her. She has me now.

Here we go. " You are pretty incredible. And great. You are really good to me, Link." She stopped to gauge his reaction. He was intrigued and had an eyebrow raised. Amelia found it cute but then he frowned, putting two and two together.

She's praising me. Oh God. She's obviously 'breaking up' with me. All women start their talk like she did. Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt her? Did she suddenly realise she's still in love with OWEN?! Nah, that's not true. I've seen the way she looks and smiles at me. It must be something I did. I'm sooo stupid. He internally panicked. He didn't want her to leave!

" Uh, I hear a 'but' coming," he softly commented. His suspicions were rewarded with her affirmation. Link lost it. This was one relationship in his entire life that he wanted to cherish forever but he screwed up. Like always. He was beating himself up and was not listening to her properly.

" But I jumped into you too fast. I should not have done that."

Is she questioning what we had?

I hope he understands that I'm talking about the ill-fated timing.

" I was a rebound," Link commented dejectedly and nodded. He was too hurt to say anything else.

" You definitely were. I'm not sure if you still are."

I'm sure, no scratch that, I know you're not a rebound. I just don't have the nerve to say this. Please understand, Link. God, I can't look at his face. He's hurt.

What does she mean by that? I am or not? I don't understand. Of course, I'm not a rebound now. She's breaking up with me, that's why.

Link broke the silence. " So you're saying...? " He looked at her with confusion all over his face.

" Uh, I'm saying I'm open to possibilities. And that could include you if you don't need me to decide anything too permanent right now. I, uh....", Amelia looked away. Her eyes filled with tears at what she had done. " I need time." Her heart broke seeing Link's face. I'm not leaving you, please get this inside your head!!! " I need to figure out who I am outside of Owen. "

She needs time. I completely understand. I'll give her time. I don't want to stay away from her. Why is she doing this so suddenly? We had such a nice time in the morning!

Link didn't know what to say. He replied with a simple " Okay ".

Wait, that's it? He mentally chided and cursed himself for his curt reply. She's vulnerable right now. Don't treat her like that!

Amelia was speechless. She was waiting for the big blowup from his side. But nothing came. Is that it? He doesn't have anything to say? He won't blow a gasket? Huh. He's so understanding. Amelia mentally slapped herself. Don't go there again. You need time. Take your time. Stop dreaming about him again.

" Okay? ", she questioned softly with teary eyes.

He nodded solemnly and replied, " Okay."

They gazed at each other longingly for a whole minute until it was time for Amelia to leave. She didn't know what to do as she parted. Shall I hug him? No, that would be too intimate. Shall I hold his hand? No, that would be too formal. She finally settled on nodding his way and slowly turned on her heels to leave. She hurriedly left from there and crawled into an on-call room to bawl her eyes out. She finally got the man of her dreams and she screwed up again. No, she did it to stop herself from screwing it up with him in the future. This was necessary. She paged Maggie to the on-call room. Oh right, she's at that stupid camping trip. She then paged Meredith. She did not answer. So she settled for Alex. No answer again. Her final resort was Richard. He ignored her too. What is the matter with everybody? Why is everyone ignoring me? She started sobbing harder. Her very good day was turning out to be really, really bad.

Link's eyes lingered on her form long after she left. He was contemplating what just happened. He was trying to figure out why things took a turn for the worse out of nowhere so suddenly. He came up with nothing.

He sharply left from the nurse's station and headed to find Jo. He needed a drinking buddy today. He needed his best friend right now.

Author's Note:

Hey guys!! So here it is. I asked y'all to not hit me. Please don't after reading this chapter. It was getting really sad towards the end so I made the beginning really fluffy. Can't hurt the feelings of my readers now, can I ?! 😉

Anyways, enjoy. Next chapter will be up soon. Until then.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #302

“heaven ain’t close in a place like this”

What color are your eyes? Grayish blue. What's your favorite type of milk? If we're talking the basics, ig 1% is fine. What would you change about your appearance if you could? Oh, hunny, you got time for an essay? What would you change about your bedroom if you could? I need to fucking finish decorating it... It's not finished by no fault but my own laziness. Are you rich or poor? We're definitely pretty poor. Are you double jointed? I don't think so. What's the most physically painful thing you've ever experienced? I once had a large infected cyst that had to be drained by applying pressure to it, and I swear to Christ I don't know how I didn't faint. They gave me morphine and multiple numbing shots, but none of that did SHIT. I'm not even embarrassed by the fact I was shrieking and sobbing and swearing because I'm pretty fucking sure any sane person would've cried out many times. I'm convinced they either didn't numb me enough for someone of my size back then, or I should've just gone under for it. I have no words for how painful it really was. Do you like shots? Uh, given that nobody LIKES getting a shot with a needle, I'm going to assume you mean like, taking shots of alcohol, in which case I've never tried, but I can almost absolutely guarantee you I'd hate them. I hate the taste of alcohol (hence why I only drink sweet and weak stuff), sooooo, I've got my doubts I'd enjoy something so potent. Are you afraid of spiders? Yes and no? Small ones don't tend to get to me, and I LOVE tarantulas. Big spiders are absolutely fascinating and I love *watching* them, but if I was surprised by a sudden spider, I'm going to probably cry out and jump/scramble away. But on a real note, respect your spiders, whether they scare you or not. They are so important to the ecosystem. See one in the house, take it outside if you can. Have you ever had an allergic reaction to something? To some earrings, yes. I have to wear ones that don't have silver in them. Do you like to read? Yeah, but not nearly as much as I did as a kid. I'm even slacking on WoF lately... Do you know what your purpose in life is? *SLAMS FISTS ON TABLE* BITCH I WISH I KNEW What's something you would like to improve at? Not being a socially anxious catastrophe. Do you believe you have great potential? Everybody does. You just have to use it. What is the most beautiful scenery you have ever beheld? Probably the mountains when driving to Tennessee. Or New York? I really can't recall either so clearly as to have a favorite. Are you flexible? Noooot anymore. Back in my WiiFit days, I was a gotdamn snake. List a song lyric that you like. Oh Jesus, don't make me think. Uhhhhh there's so many. Flipping through artists in my head with lyrics I tend to love, there's Otep with: "hey, hey, NRA, how many kids did you kill today?". Simple, but spine-chilling to me. Huh, time to listen to it actually, lol. That song murders me with the goosebumps. Do you meditate? No; I can't. You can't tell me to "free my mind," man. It's way too hectic at all times up there. What's one place you've been to that you want to visit again? I'd love to go back to Chicago one night when I actually learn how to do nighttime urban photography. What's one place you want to go that you've never visited before? I always answer "South Africa" to questions like this, so for variety's sake, I'll say the Bahamas. But a conspiratory bitch is afraid of the Bermuda Triangle, so... lmao. What's your favorite type of tree? I like big, impressive weeping willows. How many times have you seriously injured yourself? Only two occasions I can think of immediately. Maybe there's more, but idk. Did you attend Sunday School as a child? Yeah, even though I hated it. What is the longest your hair has ever been? Maybe a little passed the small of my back? What about the shortest? (not including being a toddler or baby): How it is now and has been for a couple years: shaved short on the left side, and it transitions to a length near my chin as you go to the right. Have you ever smoked a cigarette? No. Are/were you in the school band, and if so, what instrument did you play? I did, and I played the flute. I'd choose the saxophone if I could go back. Who does the grocery shopping in your household? Well, it's just Mom and me, so her. If you were to donate to charity today, what would you donate to? One that focuses on ovarian cancer for Mom. What is your favorite card game and when was the last time you played it? Even though I was never great at it or knew every single rule, "Magic: The Gathering" is honestly really fun, and I loved looking at the card art. I haven't played it since I was with Jason, so at least five-six years. Would you consider yourself to be good at spelling and grammar? Yeah, but I've somehow gotten worse with time???? I question the spelling and tenses of words I write a lot. What is your favourite seasonal candy? (only available at certain times): Probably like, chocolate rabbits. NOT hollow. Way to break my heart. Or gingerbread cookies. What was the last chocolate bar you ate? I think a Hershey's? It was a while ago. Who was the last person you talked to on Skype/video chat? I was in a Zoom session with multiple people for my partial hospitalization program. Have you ever dreamt about sleeping with someone other than your partner? If so, did that make you feel embarrassed? I've never had a dream like this while in a relationship. The last time you had butterflies in your stomach, what was the reason? I have no idea. Has anyone told you that they miss you recently? No. Has anyone ever asked you out or told you that they liked you, and you rejected them? Can you explain why you didn’t like, or didn’t feel attracted to that person? There was this one guy in the 4th grade who asked me if I would go out with him so much it almost became like a joke. I just... didn't like him like that. Then there's Juan; I'd just been warned that he had a bad rep by a very reliable adult, and the idea of dating him was kinda... intimidating anyway. Plus he was a smoker, which was and still is a no-no for me. What part in a movie would you love to play? The clinically insane villain or something because I feel with my history, I could channel that very well IF I actually wanted to act in the first place. What piece of furniture have you replaced the most? The couch. What’s the best part of your favorite movie? When Simba walks up Pride Rock in the rain and roars and all the lionesses join in. Chilling. What do you think is the most over-rated candy ever? Candy corn is repulsive. What was the highlight of your day? My mom was raving to one of my therapists in the PHP about my art and how badly she wants me to just get everything out there. I was smiling really big but looking down with how shy but also flattered it made me. Do you know anyone who is anorexic? I don't think so. Who has hurt you the most this year? Ha, myself. What's the last insult someone said to you? Hm. How much did your car cost? N/A What is the last picture you received on your phone of? Uhhh Mom mighta sent me a meme or Sara showed me a drawing someone made of Suriza, I think. Have you ever let someone go because you thought they deserved better? No, though I've felt that way before. Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now? I'm still not over the fact Dad was a druggie before me and my sisters, apparently. It's almost like... hurtful in some weird way? Idk exactly why, it's just something I know I feel. What do you hear right now? I have Motionless In White's cover of "Somebody Told Me" playing in another tab. Do you do anything to help the environment? I do what I can as someone who isn't financially independent and reliant on another person for transportation. I won't litter for anything (and this includes shit like letting balloons go in the air, fucking stop), I'm trying to use my metal straw always in place of plastic, and to use less plastic bags, I try to spread out the times I clean Roman's litterbox to a few days; not to the point it's disgusting or uncomfortable for him, of course, though. Three days without is pretty much max. When's the last time you did something you knew was wrong? Ha, a little while ago... I was trying to avoid eating the two last biscuits Mom made for dinner 'cuz I really gotta lay off the carbs, but Mom "joked" that "it's your birthday, you get to do whatever you want," so I kinda just said fuck it lmao. Do you think that you have a pretty smile? No, because my eyes squint badly, and I also hate my teeth. When's the last time you cried over a guy? A few days ago a little bit, actually. I was reminiscing too much and recalling some of the warmest memories. Are you scared to lose the person you fell the hardest for? I already did. Oh well. Is there someone you wouldn't mind kissing right now? Yep. Do you have any friends that actually model? No. Do you care about the last person you kissed? A fucking lot. Do they care about you? Yes. Is there someone you wish you were with right now? Yes, just because of past birthday memories. I keep hoping a "happy birthday Britt" pops up in my FB messenger, and I hate myself for it. Have you ever imagined how it would feel kissing a certain someone? I legitimately just huffed in humor, guess, lmao. What are the bad things you've heard people say about you? That I'm a martyr, going nowhere, lazy, not trying hard enough, y'know, all that good stuff. Do you flirt a lot? Definitely not. What phrase or saying do you use the most? Probably "oof" lol. What mood are you in right now? I'm doing pretty all right. Kinda dreading Miss Tobey coming over, mean as it is, but I just... don't wanna deal with her and her judgments on my birthday. But I'm looking forward to seeing my sisters, and therapy went very well. Have you ever kissed someone that was high? No. Do you have a good relationship with your mother? Yep. How many exes do you have? I only consider two exes "serious," as I've only been in two deep and long-term relationships, but if we're counting everyone who's had the label of "boyfriend" or "girlfriend," there's six. Do you want to be single or with someone? Ugh, I don't know. It's probably better I don't 'til I figure my shit out, but I really do miss the companionship a lot. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Because I love her and I was leaving her at the airport. Does your mom think you’re a virgin? She doesn't know for the same reason I don't, really. I think she leans towards I am, but idk. Is there someone that wants you to give them a second chance? I don't know. What size bra do you wear? Uhhh I genuinely don't buy bras enough to know this exactly. C-something. Does the person you last kissed still like you? I don't know if she still like-likes me. Are your parents still together? Noooo. Was your first time good or bad? I dated an Italian, if u kno what I mean. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Which friend-turned-enemy do you miss the most? Colleen, sometimes. Have you ever used an epi pen, and it worked? I have not. What is on your top priority list for today? Make this fuckin' day for me. I'm trying to not let the depression sink in and make me feel worthless on today of all days. So I'm trying to stay in a positive headspace. Do you own any sand art in a jar? Omg, those are so cool! But no. Does the sun come in your window in the morning or at night? Not really; there's houses in the way. What was the last piece of art you created? A drawing of a meerkat with its mouth open angrily, done with colored pencils, against a black background. It's on my second dA. What time of day do you take medications? I have prescription meds for when I wake up and at bedtime. What's your newest hobby you've started? A new hobby? Huh... What are some things you wanted to do that your parents didn't let you do? They wouldn't let us stay home alone until a certain age, we had a timer on the TV at bedtime to shut off after a while, we weren't exposed to certain music or shows, no cursing... stuff like that. What YouTube channels do you recommend? This is a BAD question to ask me, 'cuz I could just about recommend channels for just about any niche. I watch soooooo many. What is your favorite day of the week? Tuesday, because it's reset day in WoW, haha. Meaning, I get to do my stupid mount farming raids again for the week. Blackhand, gimme your FUCKING clefthoof already. Ballet or cheerleading? Ballet is beautiful. What are your favorite sports to watch? Only dancing, really. Were you ever in the marching band? No. Which holiday has the best decorations, in your opinion? My contrasting aesthetics make this hard, haha. I love Christmas with all the beautiful light displays people can make, but let's not sleep on Halloween, y'all. I loooove Halloween decor, like c'mon, that's where I get shit for my room year-round, lmao. What do you want to be known for? It'd actually be kinda cool if I built up some sort of rep in the vulture culture community with my photography of roadkill. For how few shots I actually have on there and minimal interaction, my Instagram for it is doing quite well, if you consider those factors. They've gotten some pretty decent attention on dA, too. I would love for people to know why I do it though, of course: awareness and respect for the animal's life. How often do you wear make-up? Almost never nowadays. Think of the person you are jealous of...what are you jealous of them for? She's actually making a career out of her photography. Do you have art that you made in high school? Oh, plenty. Do you have trauma in your past? *clears throat* take a fuckin seat Favorite type of frosting? Chocolate. Have you ever tried cake decorating? No. One of my sisters is actually one, though! She's great at it. What clubs are you a part of? None. What was your favorite book that you had to read for school? The Outsiders. 6th grade, to be exact. Do you like to read classics, or do you usually read new arrivals? I don't prefer one over the other, honestly. Were you a big partier in college? No, I never partied. Is your college one you would recommend? My most recent one, fuck yes. They're amazing and care so deeply for their students. Would you go camping in the woods alone? Yikes, no. Would you name your kids after anyone? If I had a son and I had my way with the name, he would be named after the Most Selfless Man in the World, Damien from WKM. :'''''( Do you have any supernatural gifts? No. Are there any good churches in your town? You're asking someone who has a bad relationship with religion. Do you want an indoor or outdoor wedding? It really depends on the season and venue my spouse and I pick. Do you think you would be a good salesperson? HEEEEEEEEEEEELL NAW fam. I ain't pressuring people to buy shit.

[spaceskam]

23 + davenzi

sorry this was late as hell. special thanks to this soulmate au idea

warning: mentions of suicide

Matteo didn’t know what he was expecting.

He’d heard his whole life of this magical day where, when the clock struck midnight on his 18th birthday, his world would freeze and only he and his soulmate would be unfrozen, free to spend their day together and unbothered.  Of course, everyone else would go on with their day.  It was like the universe would put you and that special someone on a whole new plane of existence.

However, no one really talked about what happened if you didn’t know your soulmate at 18 or couldn’t find them during that day.  He’d searched on it for weeks leading up to the day, reading forum after forum of horror stories.  He’d read more than one on clinically depressed people who spiraled, 24 hours of being absolutely alone with their own head being far too much.  Or anxious people who panicked until they couldn’t take it.  He even read a few who had attempted suicide.  Matteo was hoping he wouldn’t end up in that state of mind.

Still, as he looked around the party that Jonas had thrown and invited the whole school to, he desperately wanted to see someone as unfrozen as he was.  A lonely, pathetic part of him looked to Jonas, hoping he’d be moving.  But he wasn’t, he was frozen with a giant ass smile on face while looking straight at Hanna.  Of course.

“Anyone else unfrozen in here?” Matteo called, a last-ditch attempt at seeing if his soulmate was here.  He wasn’t.

A sigh pushed out of his chest, glancing around as he pushed himself towards the kitchen.  He really started understanding how people could feel so overwhelmed and paranoid by this.  It was disturbing, something out of a horror movie where everyone was so fucking far away from him and he couldn’t do anything about it.  He was alone.

He hoped whoever his soulmate is was coping with it.

Matteo moved sluggishly as he got a cup of water and made his way to his bedroom. He really just wanted to sleep the day away. Maybe if he slept long enough, he could wake up and everyone would be unfrozen again.

So he went to bed.

-

Matteo woke to the sun rudely shining in through the window. With a groan, he reached for his phone to see it wasn’t even noon yet.  He groaned louder.  He continued to lay there for a moment, hoping to will himself to sleep again so he won’t have to spend the day with everyone completely frozen.

It was one thing to isolate yourself. It was another to be forced into it.

However, he could only take so much before he got too hungry.  So, he had to get up.  He didn’t bother getting dressed outside of adding a pair of sweats and a jacket and he didn’t bother staying inside either. He didn’t like staring at all the frozen people, but, since they froze at midnight, there shouldn’t be many people on the street.

It was the quietest Berlin had ever been and Matteo hated it. He usually loved the quiet, but it was too quiet. Overwhelmingly quiet.  Which was really fucking annoying.

Still, he made it to his favorite 24-hour sandwich shop and walked right in.  There wasn’t actually anyone there except an employee who was frozen in the back, so he let himself behind the counter.  He crafted a sandwich as best he could and left the money on the counter.  He didn’t know exactly how this worked if they’d even notice anything was gone or if they’d get any money, but it subdued his conscious and that’s really all he cared about.  Well, that and actually eating.

“What’s cookin’ good lookin’?”

Matteo froze, his eyes casting up with his sandwich partially hanging out of his mouth. In the doorway stood a guy who was staring him down with fuck-me eyes paired with a little smirk on his lips.  If this was his soulmate, and that’s what appeared to be the case, Matteo couldn’t say the universe did him dirty.  The guy was fucking hot.  Coffee colored skin, septum piercing, stunning… everything.

Everything seemed to slow down. He was way too perfect.  Mind-numbing, mouth-watering, body-aching type of perfect.

Then he bit his lip and his face slowly broke out into a wild grin, his entire face beaming. Matteo nearly fainted right then and there. Who the hell was allowed to go from that hot to that cute that fast?  And why the hell were they his?

“Sorry, sorry, that was bad. In my defense, I thought I had some time to come up with a better pick-up line. Go figure that you’re older than me,” he said, stepping further into the shop. Matteo was frozen as he watched him.

This was fucking insane. How was someone that looked like him supposed to be Matteo’s soulmate? That didn’t make any sense.

The guy was still grinning as he leaned on the counter across from him, “I know you’re not frozen.”

Suddenly, Matteo remembered how to blink.

“Sorry, sorry,” Matteo said, swallowing the bite he’d taken and wiping his mouth. Maybe he should’ve actually tried to look nice.  “Uh, hi.”

“Hi,” the guy chuckled, “I’m David.”

“Matteo.”

“Matteo,” David repeated, seeming to roll his name in his mouth and Matteo felt chills down his spine, “Nice to meet you.”

“You too,” Matteo murmured, taking him in once more before holding out his sandwich to him. David grinned but shook his head.

“I’m good, thank you.”

“So, uh, not to sound rude, but how did you find me? I mean, literally could’ve been anywhere,” Matteo pointed out. David shrugged his shoulders.

“I figured I should go to places I would go and hope for the best,” David explained, “I got lucky.”

Matteo gulped, “Yeah.”

“I just moved here too, so,” he paused, looking him very obviously up and down in a way that made Matteo’s stomach tighten, “Really lucky.”

They fell into a small vat of silence, staring at each other without any sense of shame as Matteo finished his food.  He could get used to this. David wasn’t overwhelming, he was just a calming presence that was apparently all his. He’d known that your soulmate was supposed to be calming, but Matteo hadn’t realized he would actually be getting one.  Well, he knew, but he didn’t know know. It didn’t feel real.

With David staring at him, it still didn’t.

“Wanna hang out?” Matteo managed to ask after he finished.  David blinked so slow Matteo wondered if he was fantasizing without realizing.

“That’s what we’re supposed to do, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but if, if you don’t want then‒” Matteo stopped himself, taking a deep breath. Jonas had told him that he just had to be smooth and the girl that the universe chose for him would fall for him immediately. Of course, Jonas was missing the giant ‘queer’ sign that hung over his head. Still, he had a point. Matteo dug in his pocket. “Fancy a joint?”

David glanced him up and down, “Yeah, sure.”

Matteo gave a grin, tucking the joint behind his ear and led the way outside. They leaned against the outside of the shop and the moment he lit up, he could feel the tension slip away. No more making a fool of himself in front of his soulmate.

His soulmate.

“So, what brings you here this close to the end of the school year?” Matteo asked.  David raised an eyebrow.

“Why?”

“You’re my soulmate apparently,” It was the first time either of them had said it out loud. Yeah, still insane. “Probably should get to know you.”

“Mm, maybe,” David said, tilting his head back against the wall. He brought the joint to his lips and suddenly became the cover of a magazine.

“You not gonna tell me?”

David turned his head to face him, “Killed someone. Had to go into hiding.

Matteo grinned helplessly, “Brutal.”

“I know.”

David was easy to talk to. That was obviously a good thing since they were soulmates. This was his person.  And his person was witty, hot, nice, and so much more that he would get to learn over a lifetime. He was so lucky.

“Wanna go see a movie?  I may or may not know how to work shit at a theatre,” David said, scrunching up his nose just a little bit when he gave that wide, wide smile.

“Let’s go.”

Within twenty minutes, Matteo found himself in a theatre alone with David and a movie he’d never heard of. He didn’t mind. Nor did he even really watch it.  He spent two hours with his head thrown back, staring at David and memorizing his face.

In that time spent memorizing, he also was faced with the reality that he didn’t really have a choice but to come out now.  His soulmate was a man‒and it definitely did not feel like a platonic soulmate‒and he wouldn’t be able to hide that for long.  Maybe he could lie for a while, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

Maybe he wouldn’t have to even really come out. Maybe he could just introduce David as his soulmate and let everyone form their own opinion. He didn’t want to have to tell everyone, that just seemed so unnecessary. It’s his thing. He didn’t want to announce it to the world. He just wanted to say “this is David, he’s my soulmate” and have people roll with it.

Once the movie rolled to an end, they got back to talking.  He found out David was an artist, that he liked to dance, that he loved movies. Matteo couldn’t think of anything interesting about himself to share.

“So basically you’re super fucking interesting and I’m a boring ass, let down soulmate, okay,” Matteo said, laughing slightly. David rolled his eyes, shifting to face Matteo even more.

“No, you’re not boring, you’re… quiet and you’re funny. You… you’re a lot of things, I don’t know, I don’t think you’re a letdown,” David said. Oh yeah, he definitely got lucky in the soulmate department.

“Did you have anyone in mind of who your soulmate might’ve been?” Matteo bothered to ask. As much as he enjoyed hearing David say that he wasn’t a letdown, he also wasn’t one to enjoy being showered in compliments. That was enough to reassure him that David actually liked him.

“No, not really. Did you?” David asked. Silence fell over them once again as Matteo debated telling him about Jonas.  It felt like something stupid to admit since Jonas wasn’t really an option, he was more of a stupid hope.  However, this was his soulmate and what was the point of lying?

“Uh, kinda. My best friend,” Matteo admitted, looking down, “But I didn’t know if it’d be a platonic soulmate or not, I didn’t know what I was going to have.”

“I thought I was going to have a platonic soulmate,” David admitted.  Matteo furrowed his eyebrows as he looked up to him again.

“Why?”

“I don’t know, just didn’t think I’d ever have someone made for me, like, romantically. Thought I’d have to struggle to find that myself.”

“Well, what if we are platonic soulmates?” Matteo suggested though he hoped that wasn’t true. How awkward would it be to be attracted to you universe-decided best friend for life?

“I mean… Not to be rude, but I really hope not,” David said. His cheeks were tinted red and Matteo could feel his own matching it. “Do you?  Want us to be platonic?”

“No.”

“Good.”

What is the acceptable amount of time knowing someone before you kiss them?

There was something a lot more peaceful about the world being frozen when you weren’t alone anymore. He had someone to talk to, to joke with, to have dinner with, to walk around Berlin with and not have anyone interrupt them. It was like a getaway without all the bullshit that involved physically getting away. It was simple and easy and he wouldn’t have wanted to spend his day with anyone else aside from David.

As they headed back to Matteo’s place at nearly 10 at night, he was sold. The universe had given him the best gift. Part of him was even a little eager to introduce him to everyone. Just, eventually.  He wanted to keep him to himself for a little longer, to get to know him a little better.

“Holy shit, there’s a million fucking people here,” David said, huffing a laugh as he weaved through the people in Matteo’s apartment.

“Yeah, but my friend’s thought it was a good idea to invite everyone in the school so the girl of my dreams would be there to freeze with me,” Matteo feigned a wistful tone, grinning at David who snorted.

“They think you’re straight?”

“Yeah.”

“How? You’d set off anyone’s gaydar from a million miles away,” David joked, giggling even more when Matteo shoved him.  They were both smiling as he led him to his room.

“Welcome to me,” Matteo sighed, throwing his arms out and collapsing on his bed.

For the third time since he met David, the universe seemed to slow down as he watched him. David walked around the room, aimlessly touching things as he absorbed the space. Matteo hated having pretty much anyone in his space.

He liked David being there.

He liked it more when David fell to the bed beside him.

“You wanna stay the night?”

“Sure.”

Life got a little better when David changed into his clothes.

“I’m kind of going to miss the silence once the world wakes up,” Matteo admitted as David crawled under the blanket beside him, “I like being here with you.”

“I’ll still be here.”

Matteo smiled, “You got a point.”

David scooted closer, tucking his hand beneath his head. It was stupid, but it felt like they’d known each other forever. Everything was so ridiculously comfortable. He’d heard how great it was for soulmates, how everything made more sense.  He hadn’t expected it to feel this good.

He couldn’t wait until David’s 18th birthday so they could do this again.

Matteo reached out, his hand resting against David’s arm and tracing nonsensical shapes against his skin. In less than an hour, life would resume.  He wanted just this. He wanted just now.

“So,” David suddenly said, his eyes anywhere but Matteo’s, “There’s something I should probably tell you.”

“Okay.”

“I… I thought I had more time, honestly, and I’ve been thinking all day about when I should tell you.  But you’re my soulmate and I figure starting this whole thing with keeping secrets is probably a bad idea,” David said. Matteo’s eyebrows slowly pulled together in concern.

“What’s up?”

“I mean, I, I have like a rough draft of how I should tell my soulmate typed up on my phone if you wanted me to send it to you, or, like, let you read it. I could read it to you,” David offered, still not looking at him. Matteo thought about taking his hand off him.  Instead, he moved it to grab David’s nervous hand.

“Just say it.”

With a heavy breath, David said, “I’m trans.”

“Okay,” Matteo said, still staring at him. David finally, finally looked at him again.

“Is that okay?” he asked, a mix of confusion and hesitation scattered all over his face.

“Yeah,” Matteo agreed. He paused for a beat. “What does that mean exactly?”

David’s eyebrows instantly pulled together and he searched Matteo’s face a handful of times before breaking out into a wild smile.  Laughter was bubbling out of him as he asked, “You just said you were okay with it without even knowing what it means?”

“Yeah,” Matteo said. Even though he was still pretty confused, David’s smile was contagious and he gave one right back. “I mean, you’re my soulmate, you know? You’re literally specially crafted for me, so I’d eventually be okay with whatever you are. Why should waste time and energy?”

“You are insane,” David said, shaking his head, “But thank you.”

“What exactly does it mean, like, for you?”

“I, uh, it means…” David paused again, looking at him and then looking away. He eventually made eye contact. Matteo added brave to the list of things he learned about him. “I was born in the body of a girl.”

Matteo nodded slowly, “Okay. So that means you’re a‒”

“Boy. I’m a boy,” David said simply, “I just have to try a little harder.”

“Sounds like work,” Matteo said, scooting a little closer. David smiled at him, an easy little smile.

“Yeah, you could say that,” David hummed, “You really don’t mind?”

“I mean, I don’t fully understand all the mechanics of it, but if it’s who you are, then who am I to do anything but accept it and appreciate you not being a dick for me not knowing,” Matteo said, again scooting closer. David pulled him into a hug, wrapping him up in his arms all nice and tight and secure.

“I’ll answer any questions you have,” David said. Matteo shut his eyes.

“Tomorrow?”

“Absolutely.”

They fell silent all over again and Matteo found solace in the fact that the only sounds he heard were David’s breathing and his heart beating.  It was better than any pillow he could’ve ever been given.

He had spent years fearing the prospect of a soulmate and he had spent the last few months worrying that he wouldn’t find him and that he’d go insane from loneliness. From what David had said, it sounded like he hadn’t expected much either.  Instead, he got to spend most of his day with this guy who he would get to spend forever with and it was so fucking easy.

This wasn’t scary. This was safe. He prayed that David felt the same way. He had to assume he did.

Eventually, Matteo felt himself drifting off and he couldn’t really have chosen a better place to do so than in David’s arms.  The last thing he heard before time unfroze and they were given back to reality was David’s voice.

“Happy birthday, Matteo.”

[chloelucia13]

Chapter 1: The Vanishing of Will Byers

Pairing: None for the moment (currently Jonathan Byers x platonic!Henderson! reader)

Prompt: (First part of the reader insert rewrite, set during the first episode) You always thought Hawkins was the most boring town of all, stuck in a vacuum void of excitement and entertainment. Well, it seems that way until the world decided to flip upside down, literally.

Chapter Summary: After a simple day all of a sudden turns dark, you begin to realize that something might be wrong in your small town and in the lives of the people you love.

Chapter Warnings: angst, fluff, language, typical Stranger Things Stuff

Word Count: 2274

A/N: Here’s the first part! I’m planning on making this a Jonathan x reader story as we go along, but it won’t be established for a little bit. Also, this part is kinda short, but the other parts will definitely be much longer. Hope you guys all enjoy! The tag list for this story is open!

The sounds of mingling teenagers was nearly deafening, mind-numbing, as you jammed your key into the lock.

“Y/N!”

You let out a gasp and clutched your hand to your chest, turning around to see the group of pre-teens gathered around you. “Can you guys, like, not give me a heart attack next time?” you sighed, leaning back against your car. “Where’s Will?”

“We were just gonna ask you that,” Mike spoke up. “He wasn’t at school today. Do you know if Jonathan saw him? Or where Jonathan even is?”

“So you guys don’t know where Will is?”

“Y/N!”

“Sorry!” You shook your head and huffed. “I-I haven’t seen either of them today. John might be in the dark room? Or at his house? Or at work? It’s not like I know where he is every second of the day.”

“You usually do,” Dustin added, smirking teasingly.

“Oh my god, shut up. I’ll call him when I get home. You guys can swing by the Byers’ house. Sound good?” The boys nodded and you turned back around to unlock your car door. “Don’t be stupid, okay?” you warned them before driving off.

***

Stomach in knots, shaking hands, stinging eyes.

The air felt suffocating as you rapped your knuckles against the door before jamming your hands into your pockets.

“Hey.” The door swung open, revealing a worried mother and son. “My, uh, my mom wanted me to bring you guys some dessert. Said that it always makes people feel better.”

Jonathan forced a smile and took the covered dish from your hands while Joyce brought you inside. “Thank you, sweetie,” she muttered, voice hoarse.

You nodded and took her hands in yours. “Will’s a smart kid. He’s going to be okay. I promise.”

Her lower lip quivered and she pulled you into a tight hug, a few small sobs shaking her frame. A few moments later, she pulled away and wiped at her cheeks as Jonathan stepped back into the room. “Are you hungry, Y/N? We-we have some dinner left over,” she offered, forcing a smile.

“I’m okay, thank you though. I should probably get going-”

“Y/N?” Jonathan spoke up. “Can... Can I talk to you for a minute?”

You pursed your lips slightly before pressing them into a thin smile, nodding at him. As you followed him back into his room, you gave Joyce’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

“What do you need to talk to me abou-” You began when he closed the door, only to be cut off by his arms wrapping around your waist, tugging you close to him and into a tight hug.

“I’m so scared, Y/N. I-I can’t lose him,” he whispered, resting his forehead against your clothed shoulder.

You hugged him back just as tightly, smoothing your fingers through his hair. “You won’t lose him. Everything’s gonna be okay.” You propped your chin up on his shoulder, leaving one hand in his hair while your other ran up and down his back. “It’ll be okay.”

He nodded slightly, fingers curling around the fabric of your jacket and gripping tightly. “C-Can you stay the night tonight?”

A soft smile rested on your lips. “Of course. I’ll just call my mom and let her know.”

He let out what seemed to be a sigh of relief, his grip on you slowly beginning to weaken. “Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me. I’m here for you, always.”

The two of you stood there in silence for a while, nothing else left to say as you both basked in each other’s comfort.

“I-I’m really sorry I basically dragged you in here. I just need to act strong for mom, and everything felt like it came crashing down and I just needed to hide from her, not let her see-”

“Jonathan.” You pulled away, both hands lifting to cup his face as you locked eyes with him. “You don’t need to apologize. I’m happy that you asked me to come in here with you. I... I don’t want you to go through this alone. If you need me, just ask me and I’ll be there for you. Always.”

His smile seemed real this time, genuine. “Thank you.”

“Hello?!”

You and Jonathan shared a look of confusion and worry before hurrying into the kitchen.

“Lonnie?” Joyce yelled, clutching the phone to her ear.

“Dad?” Jonathan said, eyebrows wrinkling in confusion as he looked back at you.

“Hopper? Who is this?” She paused for a moment. “Will?!”

“Will?” you and Jonathan voiced simultaneously, hurrying closer to Joyce and the phone.

“Who is this! What have you done to my boy!”

“What?” Your eyes were wide with fear, clutching on to Jonathan’s shirt.

“Give me back my son!” Another pause. 

She let out a shout, a gasp falling from your lips when you saw the plastic burnt and fried.

Jonathan took the phone from her hand, beginning to shout. “Hello? Hello! Who is this? Who is this!” We paused for only a moment before slamming the phone down against the receiver a few times. “Mom, who was it?”

“I-It was him!”

“Hey, hey, Joyce, look at me,” you commanded, taking her hand and searching her eyes. “Was it Will?”

“Yes!”

“What did he say?” Jonathan broke in.

“He just breathed-” She shook her head and gripped your hands tighter. “He just breathed.”

“And was someone else there?”

“I-”

“Mom, who was there? Who was it?”

“It was him. I know it was his breathing!” She let out a sob, collapsing back into Jonathan’s arms. “I know it was his breathing.”

You shared a look with Jonathan before gently hugging both of them, all three of you trembling.

***

The house was silent, despite the buzzing adrenaline that pumped through everyone’s veins. You sat on the floor, sleeping bag bunched around your waist and your back propped up against Jonathan’s bed.

You couldn’t sleep. How could you sleep after that phone call? You didn’t even hear it, but by how visibly shaken Joyce was from it, you knew it was serious.

A small huff and a groan sounded from the bed, and you craned your neck slightly to check and make sure that Jonathan was still asleep. He needed the rest, much more than you did.

The soft rapping of knuckles on Jonathan’s window nearly made you jump out of your skin, immediately launching to your feet and inching towards the window.

You let out a silent sigh of relief, however, when you realized that it was just the boys. You lifted the window before holding your finger to your lips, signaling for them to be quiet.

“God, I told you guys to stop giving me heart attacks.” You eyes their worried states. “What’s going on?” you whispered, noting their soaked clothing. “How long have you guys been out?”

“We have a... Problem,” Dustin said, bouncing from foot to foot.

“What type of problem, exactly? Can it wait til morning? I don’t want to wake up-”

“No, it’s a big problem.”

You sighed and nodded your head towards the front door before closing the window. Checking one last time to make sure Jonathan was asleep, you hurried out of the room and over to the front door.

The moment you yanked the front door open, you noticed a new face. “So, I’m guessing this is the problem?”

Mike nodded and stepped aside, revealing the figure he was hiding. “We found her in the woods when we were looking for Will.”

You scrubbed a hand over your face, panic coursing through your veins. “What do you need me to do?”

“We need to find somewhere for her to stay. We were thinking she could stay at your house?”

“No way, there’s literally no room.” You thought for a moment, tapping your foot against the floor. “What about your basement? It’s not like anyone else goes down there except for you guys.”

The three boys exchanged a look, silently conversing, before turning back to you. “That might work. Can you drive us over? I don’t think the rain is gonna stop for a while.”

“Great,” you huffed before reluctantly nodding. “Alright, let’s go.”

You grabbed your keys from off the kitchen counter before gently closing the front door and hurrying to your car. You unlocked the door for everyone and waited until everyone was buckled in before speeding to the Wheeler’s home.

“How long have you guys been out? You’re all soaked.”

“A few hours. Maybe longer,” Mike said.

“God, your parents must be freaking out.”

“I don’t even think they noticed that we’re gone.”

You hummed slightly and gripped the steering wheel tightly, eyes stuck on the road. “I guess. Just....” You let out a huff. “You guys need to tell someone before you just go off like that. Especially now. Who knows what would’ve happened. Can you even imagine what would happen if all of you went missing?”

“It was just a couple hours-”

“And Will got lost in a couple minutes. Minutes, guys!” You ran a hand through your hair, gritting your teeth. “Guys, I’m fine with you all going out and looking for him. I just want you to tell me, just in case anything happens. I won’t tell your parents if you sneak out, you know I won’t. I just want to know where you are if you need me. Please. Promise me you’ll keep me updated on everything you guys do and where you go?”

“Promise,” the three boys voiced.

“Thank you.” You turned onto Dustin’s street first, pulling up to the house. “I don’t mean to scare you guys. I just want to keep you safe. I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I lost you guys too.”

“We’ll be okay, promise,” Dustin told you before getting out of the car.

“Tell mom I’ll be home late tomorrow. And I’ll pick you guys up tomorrow and take you over to the Byers’ so you can grab your bikes,” you slightly shouted to Dustin as he headed towards the front door.

He nodded and gave you a thumbs-up. “Thanks, Y/N.”

“Be safe!”

Once you made sure Dustin was inside, you pulled out and began driving to Lucas’ house.

“So sweetie, where are your parents?” you asked the girl who sat in the backseat, who had not spoken a word yet.

She just stared at you through your rearview mirror, stoic while also filled with fear. “She doesn’t talk. At least she hasn’t yet,” Lucas explained.

“Okay. She’s probably scared, give her some time.” You turned around slightly, flashing her a small smile. “We’re not gonna hurt you, promise. We just wanna make sure you’re safe.”

With a small sigh, you turned back fully so you were facing forward. “One kid goes missing, another one shows up,” you muttered to yourself.

*** The sun just began to peek over the horizon as you pulled back up to the Byers’ home. Your hands nervously shook, a million worries running through your mind as you nearly-sprinted out of your car and up to the front door. 

As you stepped up onto the porch, the door swung open, revealing an extremely panicked Jonathan. “You’re okay,” he breathed out, stepping forward and pulling you into a hug.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, hugging him back. “The boys came to the door an hour or so ago. They couldn’t bike home in the rain. I gave them a ride home.” 

He gave a gentle nod, loosening his grip on you. “I’m sorry, I-I shouldn’t have freaked out like that-”

“Jonathan, it’s okay. I should’ve left a note or told you before I left. I just...” You let out a sigh. “You needed your sleep. I didn’t want to wake you and then have you sitting up the rest of the night.”

A small silence fell over the air. A moment later, Jonathan pulled away from the hug and looked back at the door, making sure Joyce wasn’t there. 

“How about we make breakfast and come up with a strategy?” You said, squeezing his shoulder once. “The last thing we want to do is run into this thing blind.”

He nodded and led you into the house, closing the door behind you before you two headed into the kitchen. “Are the boys okay?” Jonathan said as he searched through the fridge. 

“Well, they’re fine physically, but I can tell that they’re terrified.” You let out a sigh and hopped up on the counter, crossing your arms over your chest. “We all are.”

He stayed silent, staring off into space. “Do you really think he’s okay?”

You nodded. “Of course. I’m scared for him, but I know that he’s okay. He’s smart, Jonathan. He’ll be okay.” You offered him a small smile, one that he returned immediately. “I have the last period of the day off, so I’m gonna swing by and bring the boys their bikes and then help you put up the flyers. Sound good?”

“Yeah, sounds good.” He started on making some scrambled eggs, lost in his thoughts. “You know, you don’t have to help. I-I don’t want you to think that this is something you need to fix.”

“But I want to, Johnny. Will’s like my little brother, too. A-And I know I haven’t lived in Hawkins as long as you have, but I know that I can help. And I know that it’s better to have more than just you and your mom working on this.” You reached out and touched his shoulder. “I’m not letting you guys struggle through this alone.”

“Thank you, Y/N.”

“Hey, what are best friends for?”

[writingsofspn]

MI6 - Steve McGarrett x Reader

Requested by @sleeplessnightsgirl a long time ago! Sorry for the wait - but hope you enjoy:)

Y/N has been working for Britsh Secret Service, MI6, for a little while. Them and Steve have been together for a few months and Y/N still hasn’t worked up the courage to tell him yet. But when they’re chasing the same guy, what happens?

Warnings: Mentions of murder, lying

Y/N = Your Name

Italics = Messages

this fic is gender neutral:)

——————————

It’s fine. I’ll tell him I’m going to see my parents. That’ll work, right?

—

Your phone went off at 3am, and you groggily picked it up - the blue screen far too bright for this time of morning. Your eyes took a moment to adjust before reading the short message displayed across the screen.

Track mission. Michael Caster: 5’11, 190lbs. Rockford, Illinois.

“Hey, who’s that?” Steve said, rolling over and squinting his eyes. You quickly put your phone back on the bedside table and turned to face Steve.

“Oh it’s just my dad. I think he just forgets the time difference sometimes, he’s texting me about a movie he saw earlier. It’s fine - go back to sleep.” You said calmly, putting your hands around his neck and smiling at him.

“Okay.” He said sleepily, his eyes already closing as he settled down again. You watched him fall back asleep before you turned around and grabbed your phone.

Registered. Mission report for ma’am by next week. Estimated finish in two weeks without complication. B5.

You replied quickly, gently resting your phone back where it was and throwing your head back onto your pillow. Now really wasn’t the time for a trip onto the mainland and putting your life at risk. You and Steve hadn’t been together long - 8 months or so. You hadn’t told him anything about MI6 or what you did before you met him, and as far as he was concerned; you’d just worked for your parents until you moved to Hawaii 2 years ago; not that you worked as an agent for the most-well known British secret service to exist.

You turned your head and looked at him next to you. You really didn’t want to leave. Steve was doing a really tough case at the moment, chasing down some guy that was going after kids; and it really seemed to get to him. You wanted to be there for him, but your job said otherwise.

You huffed and turned over, putting your face into the pillow. You’d come up with an excuse tomorrow.

——————————

“Hey Steve? I’m thinking I might go see my parents. They’ve been texting me non-stop for the past couple weeks and I think something might be up.” You said nonchalantly, your heart breaking when you saw his face fall. You knew he wouldn’t say no. He could never when it came to your family, he knew moving from England to Hawaii was a big deal for you and that you missed your family like crazy.

“Uh no...of course Y/N, you should go. How long you thinking of going for?” He asked, sadness evident in his tone.

“Not long. Two weeks? Maybe a few days longer if I need to. There’s a flight available tomorrow, early morning.” You replied, grabbing your case from the top of your wardrobe and beginning to put a few items inside.

“Sounds good. I hope you have fun with your family. You know, I’d love to come with you but with the case going on and everything...I don’t think I have time to take a break.” He said sadly, coming over to give you a hug. His arms wrapped around your waist and his chin rested on your head.

“No, it’s fine. I completely understand. Maybe you can come with me next time. My parents are desperate to meet you. Next time, baby.” You mumbled against his chest, breathing in deeply. You felt so bad lying to him, but you didn’t know how to tell him. You were sure the service wouldn’t mind: he was head of five-0 and ex-Seal so they’d trust him to know. All spouses had a right to know.

You just didn’t know how to tell him.

——————————

Your flight to Illinois seemed to last a long time. You’d checked your briefing over ten times yet you still had a couple hours to kill. Your leg bounced up and down as you gazed outside the window.

“Nervous flyer?” The person in the seat next to you asked.

“Nope. Just got somewhere to be.” You replied.

——————————

Everything seemed to be going pretty smoothly. You learned the guy you were chasing was wanted for murder for several different people, and the police couldn’t catch him. He seemed to slip through their fingers every time they got close.

He was British. Started killing in England; hence why MI6 had been tasked to find him and not the FBI. He’d moved onto America and carried on with his killings. Who he was killing, you didn’t know. MI6 didn’t release you that information, just tasked you to find him. You were good at your job, and found him just before your two weeks were up. You’d tracked him to Jericho, California and you were ready to take him in that night.

However, Michael Caster had other plans.

You’d been talking with your correspondent at MI6 when you learned Caster booked an emergency flight to Hawaii under a false name.

If you were being pretty honest, it worked in your favour. It meant you could get home quicker and you wouldn’t have to worry about lying to Steve for at least another couple months.

You hitched a private flight to Honolulu airport as quick as you could, tracking Caster through the airport the whole time. Your flights touched down at similar times which seriously worked to your advantage. You raced through the airport, and Caster was obviously aware he was being followed. You got through baggage claim and made it into the huge crowd that gathered in the terminals. You pushed your way through but your gaze got lost and you couldn’t see him anymore. You made it outside, just to see Caster getting into a cab and driving away.

“Dammit.” You muttered out loud, gritting your teeth. You found your car in the parking lot and tracked the cab he’d gotten into. He was dropped off at some industrial estate, and you watched him shakily get out of the cab and retrieve his ‘luggage.’ You pulled behind slightly and watched his movements. You waited until he was between two storage containers where he couldn’t escape before you got out of the car, ready to make your arrest.

“MI6, please. Stay where you are Caster. Let’s not make this anymore difficult than it has to be.” You shouted, raising your hands into the air. As you began to walk forward, you heard sirens coming towards you. ‘Shit. HPD.’ You thought. You watched Caster’s movements as you heard the cars quickly rounded the corner. You held your badge high up into the air, attempting to hide your face in case anyone on the force recognised you.

“MI6. Please let me handle my case. I’ve got this, thank you!” You shouted loudly, so HPD could hear you over the car’s engines. You hoped to God that they’d just turn around and leave you, as after all, that was protocol. MI6 had higher clearance over HPD and were told to let agents get on with their work. You walked up to Caster and put the cuffs that you held in your right hand onto his wrists that were behind his back. You pulled your phone out.

Mission complete. Target found and arrested. Arrange for removal immediately.

The HPD cars were already starting to pack away when you saw a familiar car rounding the corner of the estate. Your heart plummeted and your whole body went hot and numb.

Danny’s Camero pulled up and your boyfriend steps out of the car. You watch in shock as he walks over to Duke and asks what’s going on. You try to walk quickly to your car but you see Steve throw a look your way. He looks, then turns back to Duke, and then turns his head again. He looks completely lost for words. You push Caster onto your backseat and slam the door. Steve storms over to the car, arms folded. You squeeze your eyes shut, almost bracing for impact.

“Shit.” You mutter.

“So, Y/N. You wanna tell me something?” Steve asks mockingly. He arches his eyebrows and sways where he stands. You close your eyes briefly, before deciding to be brave.

“What’s up Steve. How’s it going.” You say quietly. You cringed inside, you couldn’t seem to function.

“You mind telling me why you’re arresting a guy that five-0 has been chasing for months? You wanna tell me why I’ve just seen my girl/boyfriend, who as far as I was concerned, was seeing their parents out in England, holding up an agency badge and yelling at HPD directions to leave them alone. Huh? You wanna tell me?” He mused, smirking as he folded his arms even tighter; eager to hear your reply.

“Steve. I wanted to tell you. But I just...I couldn’t. I didn’t know how. It’s such a weird part of my life that I’ve kept a secret for so long that I couldn’t comprehend telling you. I felt like you might think I had...had too much baggage or something.” You scratched the back of your neck. You looked down at your feet and wished the ground would swallow you up. You hadn’t wanted to tell Steve this way. You’d hoped to tell him gently, with plenty of time to comprehend and understand.

But all of that was out the window.

“Y/N. Honestly? I don’t care that you’re in the service. I know what it’s like, it’s hard to tell the people you love that you’re involved in that kinda thing. But I’m kinda hurt you didn’t tell me. You could’ve told me, I would’ve understood; you know that.” He came closer and took both your hands in his.

“I’m sorry, Steve. I know I could have told you, but I just wasn’t ready. I’m sorry you had to find out like this.” You motioned towards the scene around you and at your bullet-proof vest.

“Hey. Hey. It doesn’t matter. I know now and that’s all that matters, and now I can support you through it all.” He freed his hands and wrapped his arms around you in a hug. “I love you. You know that right?” He mumbled into your hair.

“I know it, don’t worry. I love you too...so much.” You squeezed tighter.

“So. How many times have you actually been to see your parents in the 2 years we’ve known each other?” He asked. He just thought you went to see your parents a lot, and that you got homesick easily.

“Well, lets see. Out of the many times I’ve told you I was going to see my parents, I’ve seen them twice. And the other trips I’ve been on? They’ve all been...business too.” You almost laughed at how much you’d lied to him. You felt awful, but at the same time; relieved he finally knew. You guys stayed silent for a few seconds.

“MI6? Nice. Pretty hot, if you ask me.” Steve squeezed you tighter and smiled.

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll join five-0. Guess that’s pretty sexy too.” You giggled, leaning in to press your lips against his in a well-deserved kiss.

————————-

[scientifichubris]

What are some of your favorite bands? Maybe a good 10 or 15 if you need a number, or maybe some song recommendations? I need some stuff to get into and my taste's been pretty flat for a while and I'm looking for some better stuff! Thank you!!

OKAY AWESOME- I will not rank them bc my brain doesn’t do that. I jump every like 15 mins on what my favorite is SO HERES A NICE LIST OF BANDS WITH SOME SONGS!!! Links as well to youtube/SC bc I love u and want to make it easier afdsgfd I’m listing bands that are “easier” to listen to ig because I don’t know your entire taste. I will, however, pull you into my side of screaming through conditioning and have listed a few to see if you’re chill with it. Bolded is the TLDR version with links if you need it and I speak way too much!

1. The Faint Endless, while currently only on soundcloud, they are coming to spotify soon!! My favorite song of theirs is Celestial Revenge, which happens to have a music video!! I also like We Were Once Invincible and Requiem but G*D I LOVE ALL OF THEM They are… such a fucking inspiration to me and the music I want to make in the future. I try to make everyone listen to them so tbh if you wanna know me listen to them they fuck

(The rest of these you can find on spotify btw)

2. I am going to assume if you follow me you listen to My Chemical Romance, BUT if you don’t here’s some song recs that have different feels they will give you: House of Wolves, Vampire Money, You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison, Demolition Lovers, and Boy Divison but this list could go on for hours…. There’s so much to list and I couldn’t stop…..It’s for you to find and for you to feel.

3. The Used is super high up on my list! Shame they’re not as popular on here like MCR, like y’all missed 2004 (me too I wasn’t even split then but shhhhhhhhhh i know my history). Really depends on the mood you’re in because they’re either bangers or Sucidical Moments tbh so fair warning. Really got into them when life was super shitty, but they have a lot that aren’t always imma kms. If you’re up for loud shit there is The Back of Your Mouth which I’ve been blasting for a week. Choke Me is good if you wanna hear someone scream “fuck my ass” over and over while you feel dead inside lmao. If you want something more themed for this blog there’s Wake The Dead, although I feel like the mid part ruins it tbh. I want to cover it so I can make it go hard the entire time. I’d recommend the full album Lies For The Liers to get started.

4. If you like Vocaloid and want it in English and like horror then check out GHOST, or Ghost and Pals on spotify. Some of my favorites are Those Who Carried On, Honey I’m Home, and Entomologists, but there’s so much more that is amazingly themed.

5. Red Vox is also really good, but I’d recommend staying away from their album Vomit in the Ballpit because it’s just gross-out humor and I’m not into that. For my oc Franklin I think his voice would sound like Vin’s. They’re releasing a new album soon which I’m excited for, and they released one song early which is Why Can’t This Be Easy. Other songs I really enjoy are: Kerosene (I recommend the album of that same name too def one I use to calm down some nights), Memories Lie, Hazy, and Stranded (if you’re down for a 9 min space themed/star trek downer). I really enjoy their music and it’s another inspiration to me even if the music is a lot more chill. Their music has really calmed me down some nights and I’m thankful.

6. Will Wood and the Tapeworms is good if you just wanna go “oh my god I’m so mentally ill. I am going to break something. Fuck, I can’t remember 2012” Maybe that’s just me though- Anyways, Hand Me My Shovel, I’m Going In! is a banger and good for this blog, and the mv is a mess so its perfect, and absolutely what my mind looks like. Also Dr. Sunshine Is Dead is for this blog. Actually the entire album. Honestly, just listen to the entire album Self-Ish. It’s not great if you’re feeling bad bc its gunna have you screamin’ “I WANT MY MURDER TO LOOK LIKE A SUICIDE” but it’s so good, dude. I’m obsessed. You gotta listen to it in order to get the full effect. Highly recommended if you’re okay enough to do it.

7. Mother Mother, aka mentally ill central, babie. They are an experience. Vauagely horny, drugged up and craving death or something worse? It’s all there! Calm Me Down is blatantly horny, but a jam and an experience, which I recommend the entire album it came off of as a starting place. The Cry Forum is really good, but I always forget the ending has a poem in german. Back To Life is amazing too and I really vibe with it. 

8. Bayside is another really good band and amazing and cheaper fuck you Ticketmaster to see live. Some dick groped me in the pit and a punk punched the shit out of him and protected me the rest of the night and made sure my short ass could still see. The girl I went with got a drum stick handed to her. They’re amazing. Feeling shitty, ex-relationship problems and some Christian guilt mixed in! I highly recommend their latest album, Interrobang. Numb and Prayers are good on that. I feel like I have to recommend Sick Sick Sick and Devotion and Desiresince I’m pretty sure it’s their biggest songs. 

9. The Vincent Black Shadow! I don’t even know how I found them tbh. Stupid Intruders is something I blast a lot. Metro is relatable, unfortunately. The House of Tasteful Men is very 👌 I die. They need more recognition….. 

10. Halestorm! Female led metalish rock is very good. Very Vent-y songs for me, but very good and sexy. I Miss The Misery is very popular for good reason/  You Call Me A Bitch Like It’s A Bad Thing, Freak Like Me and  Killing Ourselves To Live are definitely my favorites. Also a big inspo to me as someone with a feminine voice/presenting that wants to sing! 

I’m kinda foggy right now so ten is my max! Hope you enjoy

[moonlightxsunlight]

Someone She Loved ~ Billy Hargrove

Summary: Billy Hargrove remembers the days when his life started to take a turn for the worst. All he wishes for is one person. His mother.

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, swearing, lots of angst???

Song: Someone You Loved-Lewis Capaldi

Author’s Note: This is my first time writing for Stranger Things and after season 3 completely messed me up. Excuse the tags as I’m new to this and sorry for any mistakes. I know I skip a whole part of a song but using the full song wasn’t going to work for me lol. I hope you enjoy and hopefully, I can write more in the future.

Edit: The format keeps getting messed up on mobile and online. I did have a cut but I’m not gonna try to change it on mobile cause I can’t which they should change.

I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy

He could remember the red marks across his knuckles as every hit landed. “Get up and fight me, pussy! Pussy!” The boy before him laid on the ground with the bruises he had given him. “Afraid you’re gonna get hurt, is that it?” He wasn’t afraid to get his hands dirty anymore to fix his problems. The boy had antagonized him first. Looked at him the wrong way with a smile. A smile meant nothing but hurt for him. Meant nothing but pain. Meant nothing but bruises and scars that he couldn’t run away from. Meant nothing but a downward spiral that his mother couldn’t save him from anymore.

“You’re just like your whore of a mother; all bark yet no bite.” It always started in that smile. Teeth bared with the sides of his mouth turned up ready to attack. Every day is like holding his breath underwater, drowning in his own way. He hated coming home, not knowing which side of his father he was going to receive that day. Any day from pain was a cause for a sigh of relief and a brief moment up to the surface. Slinking back into a corner was the only option; taking every insult, punch and slap till he was broken, bloodied and bruised. His mother wasn’t there anymore to take all the suffering. All the bruises. All the beatings. Going to the beach in the hot California weather with a surfboard in hand made the rest of the world go away for a while. As if it was just the two of them. Together and happy.

He understands now why his mother left. Couldn’t take it anymore. She was beginning to drown and soon he would run out of air himself. He remembers the call. He used to wait by the phone for hours then he stopped trying. “I don’t understand. Why not? Please, mom, don’t do this. Please come home. No. How long? How long? I miss you.” She said she’d come back for him. She said she would take him back to their beach. She said she loved him. Every time he called it was the same response to the same question. Was today the day he would leave this hell? Was it tomorrow? The next? She never came and eventually, he stopped hoping. Hoping for a chance at happiness. He stills calls the number she gave him. All he gets is the static that he has become all too familiar with.

I need somebody to heal Somebody to know Somebody to have Somebody to hold It's easy to say But it's never the same I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain

He had friends. None of them truly cared. Only wanted the reputation of hanging out with the baddest guy in school. Every ounce of alcohol swallowed, every cigarette smoked, every girl fucked couldn’t take away the long days of suffering. No one could understand him for they were all too rich, too smart, too perfect. Sure he had the looks, the charm, the attitude to get him anything he wanted, but he could never get back his own mother.

He just wanted to hear his mothers cheers as he managed to surf big waves coming to the shore without falling off. He’s better now that’s he a grown teenager. Bigger, stronger and faster. She would appreciate it. He remembers the screams, the cries, the breaking of glass and the slamming of doors. He’s used to it now but before he would cry into his pillow waiting for it to stop. She would come into his room and wipe the tears off his face, telling him it would be alright, that the fighting was over. Sitting on the side of the bed, she would hold his hand and play with his hair while she told him that tomorrow they would go to their beach. Their little getaway. Then, ever so softly she would sing him a lullaby that would coax him to finally sleep.

Now the day bleeds Into nightfall And you're not here To get me through it all I let my guard down And then you pulled the rug I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

Every day is like the last. The tears have stopped until he can’t take the abuse anymore. His eyes will well up and a few stray tears will slide down his face. He won’t let his father see or hear him. “What? Did I raise a pussy for a son?” No. All you did was raise a scared little boy. Turning him into a monster. Turning him into your splitting image. When the lights are all faded out and the sound of silence hits his ears, he’ll whisper through tainted breath, “Mom. I miss you.”

“I told you I was with Wendy.” The last day he saw his mother in person. “Stop lying to me!” Their voices reverberated against the walls, hurting his ears. His eyes darted back and forth at both of the screaming faces. He just stood there. “I’m not lying to you!” “You saw him again, didn’t you?” Saw who? Who was this other guy? He couldn’t focus on those questions as his father held onto his mother's arm. “Get away from me! I said get away from me!” Quickly she had released his grip on her and backed up towards the table. She threw a plate, nearly missing her target, from the table that was meant for breakfast. A table and a plate that he had set out. “You-You whore!” All of a sudden he ran at his father. Trying to put all his body weight against him. “Stop! Don’t hurt her!” He was flung to the floor, outmatched by his father's strength. “You bastard!” The sound of a fist hitting flesh and bones made him cringe. He didn’t want to believe. Never wanted to believe it. “Mom!” He wanted to cry, but he couldn’t in front of him. His father looked at him as he walked away. “Respect and responsibility.” He threw on his jacket and walked out the door. As soon as the sound of an engine was long gone, he ran to his mother’s side with a cold cloth.

The same look he gave her that night is still etched in his mind. The sad and broken eyes of women who gave too much and received very little. He saw pain and heartbreak, but he swore he could see a glimmer in her eyes when he looked at her. He sees it at the beach and it fades when they come home. Her hand reached up to wipe the tears sliding down his cheek as she smiled. How could she be smiling at this time? She looked down at her hand and slid a silver band from around her finger. Taking his left hand in hers, she carefully slid the band upon his middle finger. It was still too big for him at this age, but he’d eventually grow into it. “I’m sorry son-“ A tear had cascaded down her face accompanied by a sad yet soft smile. “-for everything.” With a kiss on the forehead, she stood up and went into the bedroom. He could have sworn he heard it lock behind her. The band was the last thing he has of her. The last item she ever gave him.

And I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes I fall into your arms I'll be safe in your sound till I come back around

With his face bruised, he’ll lay his head on his pillow and close his eyes and go back in time. When his mother was here with him. When he could reach out and touch her. When he had someone who loved him.

He can visibly remember her blonde hair flowing in the wind as she watched him on the beach. She was struggling to keep it away from her face as she held it back with her right hand. In her left, she held her sunhat and sandals. She was an angel in a white dress as the seagulls seemed to take refuge with them. She was happy for the first time in days letting a smile take place upon her face. She clapped for him as he ran up to her in his red shorts and a surfboard in hand. “You did it!” He dropped his surfboard on the sand as he got closer to her. “Did you see that?” “Of course I did!” She placed her hand upon his cheek and kissed him on the forehead. “That was at least seven feet.” “I don’t know what it was but it almost gave me a heart attack.” He wanted to stay there forever. Just her and him. “10 more minutes?” She looked at the water. “Yeah okay, 10 more minutes. Any longer than that and Dad’s going to be mad okay.” He never understood why he was mad, he still never understands. Grabbing his surfboard he headed towards the water. “Billy!” She called out to him. With a smile he faced her. “Watch out for rip currents!” “I know.” In the end, he didn’t.

Waking up knowing he is only dreaming is the worst part. Not being able to wake up and head to the kitchen to see his mother making breakfast for him, always heeds the same questions. Did she found a new lover? Did she have another son who was better than him? Would she even remember him if he showed up on her front steps? Truth was he would never know. He never took her warning for rip currents. He didn’t know his life was in one until he was in the middle of it. The waves took him out to sea and soon he wouldn’t be able to escape it. He was fighting for a chance to live. A chance to once again hear the voice of his mother. The chance to escape hell. The chance to be someone she loved.

For now the day bleeds Into nightfall And you're not here To get me through it all I let my guard down And then you pulled the rug I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

Tag: @kennaxval

[crazyfreckledginger]

The Girl’s Pack ~ Chapter 31: The New Heir

[Princess][Archer][Wolf][Wally][Jason and Roy][Dick]

A/N: Omg second to last part you guys T-T or maybe second to last but omg so close to the end

Warning: violence/ torture

The girl stayed silent but kept still. Her head was pounding from the shock of the intense sound but she didn’t want to give herself away. 

(E/C) eyes stayed on Deathstroke as he put his gun down, chuckling.

“You think we didn’t prepare for you? Surely you weren’t so naive,” He paced around her, examining her stature, “Tell me, child, do you have a plan? Or did you just come here naive as ever? Was your training their doing?” 

(Y/N)’s lips were sewn shut, she knew he was trying to spite her. A new issue came into light, how was she going to get all of these idiots close enough to her? That was the only thing she needed to do and she could easily change and hide again to give herself the advantage. 

He started getting closer, her eyes scanned his clothes, making sure he didn’t have anything that could be used against her in her escape.

“Gah!” she cried, feeling a shooting pain in her shoulder before an intense numbness. 

“You should pay attention,” he mocked. 

“(Y-Y/N)?” A weak voice spoke. The girl glanced at Red Hood who painfully sat straighter to get a good look at her, “It’s you,”

“It’s me, Red,” the woman smiled reassuringly even if she was still upset at the four of them, now was not the time to speak about that. 

Slade walked up to her laying figure on the floor, peeling her attention away from the man as his shadow hovered over her. 

“We just have a few more files to download before we can bright you back with us,” he teased. 

“Wasteful child,” Lex scoffed.

“What happened?” the man turned to the bald one as he walked out. 

“Thanks to Miss’ little prank here, the system shut down and we have to download everything again, it can’t even go quicker since our leading man is the only one standing.” Lex sighed, turning to the girl, “you’re more of a nuisance than I anticipated.”

"I try," she grunted, as Slade grasped her shirt and pulled her up straight. The numbness was really off putting as the man bent down to cuff her hands behind her back. 

The woman didn’t hesitate to wince however when he stood behind and pulled her hair back forcefully after taking a fistfull of it. 

The bald man stared down at her, an unreadable expression on his face, before his eyes dipped to her chest. Her eyes widened subtly. Reaching down, his hand went to grasp her necklace, snatching it and breaking the collar in the process before taking a good look at it. 

“Oooh, how interesting, seems like we could be rich from this!” His grip was tight around the medallion, “this is the door to your so called kingdom is it not?” 

(Y/N) didn’t answer, knowing that he could see through any of her firm retorts. 

“Hmpf,” Lex smirked in satisfaction, placing the necklace in his inside jacket pocket and walking back to the computer room, “I’ll check on the download, keep an eye on her, we don’t want her causing any more trouble, once word gets out that we have this place, any superhero in proximity is going to make their way over here,” 

Slade offered him a disheartened grunt as a sign of understanding before he gripped the girl’s jaw tightly and tilted her head to meet his eyes.

“Say, Lex?” 

“What now?” the man in question groaned in frustration from the other room.

“You wouldn’t mind if I...roughen her a little bit?” a small smirk appeared on Deathstroke’s face as he perceived the girl visible gulp. 

Her sensitive hearing picked up a pissed sigh coming from the other room.

“Do what you like but don’t make it harder for us to get out in case of an emergency,” 

“Got it,” The man replied through gritted teeth, his smirk never faltering as he stood back up, eyes never leaving the girl.

“D-don’t touch her,” Red Hood spoke weakly.

“What are you going to do tough guy? Throw your punching bag body in front of her? You’re in no shape to do anything,” he snorted, only momentarily enjoying the interruption of his attention on the girl. 

“That Lilith girl was cute, alas, her blood is on your hands.” 

“I didn’t kill anybody,” (Y/N) snapped. 

“Oh really now? Because, you kinda killed her, if you didn’t have your stupid mutts go after her, she would still be alive,” he pinched her cheek hard, making her wince as she pulled out of his grip. 

“She got what was coming to her,” the girl spoke, trusting Kai’s instinct, he did what had to be done.

“How submissive are you?” He question rhetorically, landing a harsh slap on her cheek, not because of her wit but out of enjoyment. 

Hiding behind her hair, she bit down on her lip to stop her from making any sound that would encourage him to continue.

“No sound huh? I’ll get one out of you, don’t worry,” 

Shaking her head, her face fell until she wore a stone cold expression as a stone glare laced her eyes. 

“Oh my, are you trying to scare me?” 

She sniffed softly.

Wait, is that?

Without a moment of hesitation, she whistled loudly, hearing the familiar screech and the flap of wings.

“What the-”

The sharp claws dug into his shoulders as he went flying across the room. Lex rushed out as well as his last man. The latter gripped his gun and aimed it at the beast.

The feathered feline swung her tail directly at them, making them fall rather harshly on the floor before she pounced again. 

(Y/N) could do nothing but watch as her trusted friend knocked them defenceless.

Happily, the animal skipped after her success to the girl, beak nibbling on her restrains and freeing her.

“Thank you Anya,” her forehead nuzzled hers as she purred softly, “help me,” she instructed as they went to help their friends. In the midst of freeing her injured and unconscious friends, she heard the barrel of a gun.

“Not so fast,” Slade was pointing the gun at the griffin, (Y/N) froze, “you really are trouble,” a small tsk escaped his lips.

“Okay okay, just stop pointing at her,” the girl whispered, placing her hands in front of her to attract his attention away from the eagled-lion.

“I’ll cut you a deal little girl, you come with us and I don’t kill that pest of a pet,” his arm extended towards her, knowing by the look in her eyes the direction she will go in.

“Okay,” she breathed out, giving a reassuring side eye to Arya that sneered softly, “it’s okay,” she reassured, “take care of them for me,” her eyes dived down to the ground before she felt a hand grasp her clothes and pulled her against a hard chest.

“Lex, we need to go,” Slade spoke, never averting his attention from the protective beast. 

“It’s fine, we got the files, we can expose them and make money off the girl,” the man paced out with the man who now held a briefcase. 

“For those actually strong enough to stay conscious, it was a pleasure being the one knocking you in the ground-”

The girl shook her head, feeling herself trapped against the man until she glanced to her other captor. His pocket glowed softly.

The medallion!

Transporting the four of them to Arvaysia right in front of the castle’s doors, they’ll be stopped in no time -- but she’ll never be able to return again, she’ll have to rule over the kingdoms and will only be known as the Queen.

She hated the fact that she’ll never be able to enjoy her life as a normal person.

A defeated sigh escaped her lips as they slowly backed away from the various defeated heroes, most of which were still intoxicated by the gas.

“I’m sorry,” the girl whimpered. It was all her fault, she should be going back to Arvaysia, it’s the least she could do, it would help them.

Shoved back forcefully with Slade, he kicked the back of her legs to keep her quiet.

It worked, only making her wince under her breath. 

“The duty of a Queen rests in doing what is right for her people”

What was that? Did she just hear that? Who said it?

“I don't feel like my place in the kingdom will stand well among the people."

"Well, they trusted me with Tamaska because they had always put their faith in him and were never left disappointed, but now that he's gone, I- I don't think they will trust me, after all, he sacrificed himself for me."

She remembered.

"A good leader would not care for his reputation from the start, they would prove their worth from the start and listen to the voice of their people. They would learn from their mistakes and would not submit to greed."

Her eyes shot open, her mind was made up. 

Under her breath, she murmured, “as the future Queen of Arvaysia, I decree to transfer my future position and power to Kai Draugur of the Draugur Pack. Through the power invested in me, I declare Kai Draugur the new heir to the throne of the Kingdom-”

“What are you muttering on about?” Slade interrupted her, she was thankful it was at the end of the statement she took so long to learn by heart, a small glimmer of hope grew within her as she perceived Arya perk up, irises become purple.

The mythical creature’s presence was enough to pass the new order through, she was so relieved. 

Suddenly, she kicked Wilson in the crotch, ultimately freeing her from his embrace before pushing him to Lex and making sure his first henchman was physically connected as well.

“Stupid girl, get back here!” He grunted, lifting his gun again and aiming it to the griffin.

“I don’t think so!” her eyes turned into slits as she felt energy coursing through her as she delivered a very powerful punch to Lex’s pocket where hid the medallion.

Successfully breaking it, the man stumbled and grunted.

“Curse you-” they rapidly became surrounded by purple smoke and disappeared as the air dissipated around them, like they never existed.

“(Y-Y/N)?”

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[blissedoutphil]

Phil’s Road Trip Playlist

Thank you anon for the wonderful prompt, I hope you’re still around and I’m not too late at filling this! And I know you said fluffy and then sex but I got inspired to do something different so I’m sorry it doesn’t actually fulfil your prompt entirely :x but this could always mean a possible part 2 :~)

This is different from what I’m used to writing, I wanted to try something new and I really enjoyed it even if it doesn’t match up to my smut only fics lol. I hope you guys enjoy my first non-smut fic :)

7767 words of uni roommates!phan, angst, fluff, friends to lovers, songfic

Thank you for voting this to First Place in Undiscovered Fic category of the Phanficawards 2019 <3

or read on ao3!

“You alright?” Phil asked quietly, slinging his bag off his shoulder and dropping it to the floor before cautiously moving towards the motionless body in the bed opposite his.

His roommate didn’t answer him, just brought his blanket over his face.

Dan sighed. The only thing worse than sinking again is letting Phil see him sink again. He had tried. He’d tried to be better, stay better for the sake of Phil. If only so he wouldn’t have to see concern and worry and even sadness pool in those bright blue eyes. But sometimes he just couldn’t help falling back into the dark abyss of emptiness. What else could he do if everything is pointless anyways.

Dan felt the edge of his bed dip. He shut his eyes, not wanting to face the world. Not wanting to face his roommate and the fact that he’s a disappointment for letting his roommate down again. He knows Phil would never blame him, but deep down he blames himself for causing Phil so much worry.

Gentle hands pulled the blanket off his face. Dan blinked up, regretting it instantly when he saw Phil’s brows crease.

Phil hated seeing him like this. He knew that behind that lifeless stare was a warm hazel, full of wonder and awe. He loved seeing those eyes look back at him with excitement when they skip lectures for a movie, how they twinkle with hope when Phil assures him that everything will be fine in times when he couldn’t see anything positive in his future. Or in times when he couldn’t see himself even having a future at all.

“What happened?”

Whenever Dan was in this dark part of his mind, he just felt numb and emotionless. But Phil could simply say two words and suddenly his eyes stung with tears, his heart beat with fury and he felt too much all at once.

He wanted to answer Phil, wanted to yell at him, wanted to disappear. But he didn’t have the energy for any of that. All he could do was shrug and shut his eyes again.

Phil brushed away the curl that was covering Dan’s forehead. Dan can’t remember the last time he had a haircut, and he was sure that his messy tangled curls were definitely an unruly sight.

“Could you try to get up for me please? I know you haven’t eaten since yesterday and we should have lunch now,” Phil spoke softly, his words so full of care that Dan can’t deny his requests even if he wanted to.

Dan felt like his whole body was protesting as he tried to sit up. He’d been in bed since yesterday afternoon, and judging from Phil returning from school, it was probably past noon now. Still it didn’t feel like he’d had any rest at all. His mouth felt dry, but he didn’t have the appetite to eat or even drink.

“M’not hungry,” was all Dan managed to mumble out.

Phil bit his lip as he thought of how to coax Dan out of his bed. He knew that Dan always tried his best for him, even if he felt too exhausted to do anything. But he also didn’t want to push Dan too hard when he got like this. He took Dan’s hand in his.

Dan stared at his hand being sandwiched between Phil’s. Phil felt so warm around his cold hand. He slowly looked up at Phil quizzically.

“Let’s go for a drive,” Phil suggested softly.

Phil wasn’t a good driver; failed twice before finally getting his license and then never making use of it for a year after getting it despite having a car that was gifted to him by his parents for finally passing. Dan knew this and joked about how he would never risk his life being Phil’s passenger. But there was one day when Dan was falling into the darkness again, and he said something that stuck to Phil.

Dan talked about how he just wanted to feel free. The kind of freedom where he wouldn’t have to think about any responsibility he had, any failures or people he’d disappointed. The kind of freedom that he knew was temporary, but forgetting about his past and future to live in the moment would help him feel at peace even if just for a while until his mind was clear enough again to face his problems.

And Dan talked about how he’d feel that kind of fleeting freedom when he went on road trips. The vast fields and open skies as far as he could see down the never-ending road ahead gave him a sense of liberty. It shows him how big the world is, and how small his problems are in contrast. That there is so much more to life and what the world has to offer than his own worries and anxiety. And when he sees it that way, he’ll get more confident in trying to overcome his problems, instead of letting them eat him up instead.

Since then, Phil actually started practising his driving more. Dan was skeptical at first, but Phil insisted on driving him to campus one day. Dan thought he’d fear for his life, but it ended up being a really pleasant ride and he never made fun of his driving ever again.

“Where to?” Dan mumbled, staring at Phil’s thumb tracing circles on his hand.

“Anywhere. Nowhere, it doesn’t matter. But let’s just get out of here for a while,” Phil said, hoping for Dan to agree.

When Dan looked back up at Phil, all Phil could see was a cold, despondent stare that he was determined to bring warmth back into.

Dan’s whole body felt heavy, it was screaming at him to go back under the covers. But he looked at Phil, looked at his hopeful smile and his encouraging eyes. He already felt enough of a disappointment, he just couldn’t disappoint his best friend any further. 

So Dan gave a small nod, making Phil’s whole face light up. 

Phil quickly got up and grabbed a few pieces of clothing for both of them, shoving them into his backpack. Just in case. He didn’t know how long he’d need to drive before Dan felt better again. 

When he was done packing, he turned back to Dan whose eyebrows were knitted together as he looked at him. He was probably wondering why Phil needed to pack, but he didn’t voice it out. 

Phil came back to Dan’s bed and held onto Dan’s hands again. He gently pulled Dan up, and Dan pliantly allowed his body to be moved as Phil pleased.

“Let’s go,” Phil said excitedly, never letting go of Dan’s hand as he dragged his friend out of their room.

Dan immediately shut his eyes once he got settled in the car. The sun was blinding, and he felt like it was sucking whatever little energy he had left out of him. He just wanted to sleep. He trusted Phil to keep them both safe as he drove to wherever.

Phil looked over at Dan in dismay. He hoped that his plan would work, he just had to give Dan time. He was feeling hungry, having missed breakfast to attend his morning lecture and missed lunch to get back to Dan as soon as he could. So he decided to get them both food first.

Phil could tell that Dan wasn’t asleep because every now and then he would peek an eye open just to see where they were. So Phil knew that he wouldn’t be disturbing Dan if he filled the silence with music.

Dan’s brain was demanding him to sleep but shouting at him about all his worries at the same time. But through the loudness of his mind, he could still hear the song Phil started playing. 

Sleeping is giving in No matter what the time is Sleeping is giving in So lift those heavy eyelids

The lyrics hit Dan, and he opened his eyes and looked at Phil. He wondered if Phil chose the song on purpose.

“Oh sorry did you wanna sleep? I can turn it off-”

“S’fine,” Dan interrupted, “but what are you playing?”

Phil tried to hide his joy. That was the most he’d heard his best friend speak at once in the past few days.

“It’s my road trip playlist!” he responded excitedly.

People say that your dreams are the only things that save ya Come on baby in our dreams, we can live our misbehaviour

Dan grunted in what he hoped Phil understood as an approval before facing away from him again. He leaned against the window, staring blankly at the cars passing by. He thought about how his dreams could save him, if only they were attainable.

Dan had zoned out after that, liking the buzz in his head more than the song forcing him to be self-aware. But as Phil slowed into a driveway, he tuned back into the present.

“What d’ya wanna get?” Phil asked, stopping behind a queue of cars.

Dan looked around and realised that Phil had entered a McDonalds drive-thru.

Dan shrugged, “Anything.”

Dan knew that Phil knows Dan’s go-to order at McDonalds anyway. And Phil knew that Dan knew that, but he was just trying to get Dan to talk.

A few minutes later, Phil was shoving a big bag onto Dan’s lap. The aroma of the food did stir Dan’s stomach up. It growled as Dan salivated. The thing about sinking into the darkness was that even if he was hungry, he’d be too preoccupied with fighting against the demons in his head to realise. But with the food now right on his lap, he suddenly couldn’t wait to eat. He looked over at Phil.

Phil smiled at him, it was the first time that day that Dan’s gaze was more than just a blank, dead one. Phil thought he looked kinda cute all wide-eyed silently asking if he could eat.

“Go ahead! I’ll find somewhere to park first,” he said as he drove into the carpark.

Dan looked into the bag. Phil had gotten him a quarter pounder with fries and a milkshake. Just as he liked it. He grabbed a couple of fries and started munching on them first.

When Phil was parked, they took their food out and laid it out as best as they could on the dashboard.

“How come we used the drive thru just to sit at the carpark?” Dan mumbled.

“Well I thought you wouldn’t want to enter the place with the crowd in there and all...” Phil rationalised.

“You’re right,” Dan mused, “I wouldn’t have liked that. Thanks.”

Phil smiled, glad he did make the right choice. He started digging into his big mac, but kept a watchful eye on Dan to make sure he ate too.

Dan was still slowly munching on his fries. When he noticed that Phil was glancing over at him, he wordlessly offered Phil some of his fries.

“It’s alright, I got my own,” Phil said with his mouth still full.

But Dan insisted, bringing the fries in his fingers closer to Phil’s face. Phil’s giggle was stifled when the fries were pushed into his mouth. Phil smiled as he chewed, happy that his friend was slowly feeling okay enough to show affection again. Dan didn’t even seem bothered that his fingertips were caught between Phil’s lips.

Dan quite liked feeding Phil. He wasn’t sure exactly why, but he always got a sense of joy whenever he let his friend have a bite of his pizza, or fed him a forkful of pasta, or tilted his drink for Phil to take a sip. And it was nice to feel something other than emptiness as he fed Phil his fries this time.

Phil was aware how Dan liked to feed him when he was being in a cheeky mood. Dan didn’t seem to be doing this to be cheeky this time, but Phil was happy it’s happening all the same, and he’d accept however much food being fed to him to make his friend happy.

Dan alternated between eating his fries and giving some to Phil. He liked how Phil didn’t question him or make him stop, but just accepted his offer every time. When he eventually ran out of fries, he wiped his hand clean and looked out the window.

“You not gonna eat your burger?” Phil asked, wiping his mouth as he finished his own food.

Dan busied himself looking at a couple of kids laughing and running into the restaurant. Oh what fun it is to be young and free. He shook his head no.

Phil’s shoulders drooped a little. He’d thought that Dan was starting to feel better.

“’m full already,” Dan answered, “maybe later.”

“Okay,” Phil responded softly.

Phil started the car and slowly went out of the driveway. He drove aimlessly. He didn’t have a proper destination in mind, and he didn’t really care how long he’d have to drive or where they ended up as long as they were together and he’d have his Dan by the end of it. He saw the sign saying they were leaving Manchester, and decided to just continue driving south.

Phil’s road trip playlist started again, but the songs didn’t hit home as much as the first one, so Dan asked him to restart it.

People try and hide the light Underneath the covers

Dan stared out the window most of the ride. The weather was the opposite of his gloomy mood. The late afternoon sun was beaming down on them. He saw cows and sheep grazing lazily on the open fields. The clouds looked beautiful against the blue sky. For a fleeting moment, Dan let himself believe that life can be beautiful. He grabbed his milkshake, overwhelmed by the sudden thought. Perhaps the milkshake can give him a brain freeze that would numb him from overthinking for a while.

Now here's the sun, it's alright Lies, lies

Dan appreciated that Phil didn’t try to force a conversation out of him. Phil knew that he needed his space even while he needed someone to be there for him at the same time. He never thought anyone would get that, but Phil does. Phil understands him so well that it scares him as much as it comforts him sometimes. He sipped on his milkshake harder.

The song ended, Phil’s playlist moving on to a more upbeat pop song. Phil tapped along to the song on his steering wheel, humming at the chorus. Dan looked over at his friend. Phil seemed so content to just drive. Drive for no reason other than for Dan to clear his mind. Although it was his petrol and his time of day that Dan was wasting.

Phil looked back over just then, and smiled at Dan. Dan pursed his lips into a forced smile, even though he meant it in a genuine way. He just couldn’t understand why Phil would care for him this much.

“Why are you driving?”

Phil’s brows creased together. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, why are you doing this? Don’t you have that assignment due soon? And your petrol-”

“Don’t worry about any of that Dan, you know I’m always here for you. I want to help you feel better, no matter what.”

Dan gulped. The sincerity in Phil’s voice scared him. He didn’t feel like he deserved such attention and care from anyone. He turned back to facing the road ahead. The unending path taking them to anywhere, nowhere. Taking them to wherever it is that Dan will supposedly feel better, before heading back.

Dan’s reaction worried Phil a little. He was afraid that Dan might’ve changed his mind about this road trip. Perhaps it wasn’t a good idea all along, and Dan was just following along because he felt like he had to.

“We could always go back if you want?” Phil asked tentatively.

Dan looked surprised for a second, but he shook his head almost immediately.

“No, I like this. Thank you,” Dan murmured.

He wished he could show his gratitude better. Maybe when he felt better he’d repay Phil somehow.

“If you wanna go back at any time just tell me, alright?” Phil asked, still a little worried.

Dan nodded, proceeding to sip on his milkshake.

They fell into comfortable silence again. If only Dan’s mind could match the silence between them.

Dan started thinking about his latest episode and the main thing on his mind. A lot of times, his mood plummeted for almost no reason at all, but sometimes he’d have a clearer understanding of why it happened. Especially if his mind won’t stop reminding him about his main worry at the moment.

He stole glances at Phil. Phil, his roommate of 3 years since his first day of university. Phil, who quickly became his best friend. Phil, a year his senior who would be graduating in about a month. Phil, who had been by his side through everything he’d been through both good and bad.

He has no clue how he was going to survive his final year without Phil. Phil had been there for him through every breakdown he had in university. He’d quickly learned how to help Dan in such situations, and by now it’s like he knew just what Dan needed even if Dan didn’t know himself.

Pro-pro-pro-pro-pro-pro-pro-pro-pro-pro-paganda

Dan’s inner monologue was momentarily interrupted.

“How is this a road trip song?” he chuckled a little.

Phil didn’t care if it wasn’t an appropriate road trip song. If it made Dan laugh, even just a little, then it stays on the playlist.

“Okay I may not be the best at making playlists that follow the theme properly,” Phil giggled, “but I like this song!”

Dan can’t argue with Phil there, not when he looked so damn adorable with his tongue poking out as he giggled. He felt something flutter in his gut. Something he hadn’t felt in a while since he sank into his darkness. He can’t decide if he liked the feeling or not.

Dan can remember the times he’d felt the flutter in his stomach; there weren’t many before he met Phil. But with Phil, it could happen for the most random reasons and catch him off guard. Things that he never thought would affect him in the slightest would send the butterflies in his stomach into a frenzy whenever Phil did it. Like right now. All Phil was doing was laughing. He’d miss that laugh very much.

Two hours passed, and they reached Birmingham.

“I gotta go pee,” Phil said urgently as he exited the highway and drove to the nearest petrol station.

They both used the restroom and Phil refilled his car’s petrol. Phil got some snacks and drinks, and then he was ready to go off again. But before that, he had to check in on Dan.

“Are you feeling better?” he asked softly.

Dan actually was starting to crawl out of his dark hole, but Phil’s question made him feel like crying. He wasn’t sure if it was in a good way or not. He just wanted to adjust the stray fringe drooping across Phil’s forehead.

“Mhm,” Dan managed to answer.

“So you wanna go back?”

Dan looked at the time. It was only a quarter past five. They had plenty of time. He had plenty of Phil’s time to waste.

“Not yet,” Dan admitted quietly.

Phil smiled softly, “Okay, let’s go then. Oh, and please eat your burger Dan, it’s probably gone cold.”

Dan had almost forgotten he still had food left, but he wasn’t hungry, so he’ll save it for later.

Dan thought that Phil’s playlist was a mess. It had lots of pop songs mixed in with some indie and rock songs, and even an edm song or two thrown in for the hell of it. But it was rather endearing how Phil just put whatever he liked. Dan, on the other hand, would have to analyse every single lyric of every song, would have to feel the correct emotions as the song plays, for it to be put in his themed playlists. He wished he could give less of a shit like Phil for these kind of things that ultimately don’t matter as long as you’re having fun in the end.

But a few of the songs in there really made Dan think. And those were the only ones he would actually approve of being in a road trip playlist.

If at some point we all succumb For goodness sake let us be young Because time gets harder to outrun And I'm nobody, I'm not done

Phil observed how Dan gazed far out into the fields. He thought about how Dan’s mind must be running a mile a minute, just like Dan once told him when he got like this. He wished he could hear Dan’s thoughts, if only so he could learn what he needs and how to help him better.

Phil very much preferred the rambly Dan over the silent Dan when he goes through tough times. Even though Dan could ramble on and on endlessly, his monologues were always so profound and Phil was always blown away by his intelligence. He loved having deep conversations with Dan. He always learned something new about Dan, their friendship, or even random facts. And he felt special that Dan was willing to open up to him so much.

But Dan was in a quiet mood now, and he’ll respect that even if it was killing him to know what Dan was thinking.

He recalled the first time Dan had a breakdown in their room. Frankly, Phil was afraid because he really hadn’t known what he could do to help. He’d listened to his friend speak out all his worries that he’d bottled up, and tried to calm him down, but it took about a week for Dan to feel like himself again.

We all got old at breakneck speed Slow it down, go easy on me

Phil thought about how when he met Dan, the teen was so shy and reserved, but as they grew closer and older together, he got to know just how amazing, kind hearted and intelligent he is.

He started thinking about all the moments that they’ve shared over the years in university. Not just big events, but even little everyday moments. Things that don’t seem special when done with other friends were greatly cherished when it was with Dan.

He remembered how after Dan spent the night crying over his overdue assignment that caused his first breakdown, he’d ordered McDonalds for their supper. Dan hadn’t eaten the entire day, and still refused to eat. Phil wasn’t sure what Dan would like, so he just ordered randomly. A quarter pounder with fries and a milkshake. They’d sat on their floor, Dan slowly eating his food while Phil talked animatedly about the squirrels and pigeons he saw on the way to campus. Just going on and on about trivial matters in the hopes of making Dan smile.

And they’ve had plenty of late night suppers over the years. Not all sad of course. Most were actually times they stayed up playing video games. Some nights were spent celebrating little victories like completing essays or passing a quiz. Phil was an introvert himself who didn’t really enjoy going out partying all the time, so he was delighted to have gotten a roommate who felt the same and wouldn’t judge him for turning down a night out. While their coursemates celebrated the end of exams in clubs, Dan and Phil would just have a quiet night in their room with a bottle of wine shared between them. Phil had quickly realised that he didn’t care about making more friends or hanging out with other people, he just wanted to be with Dan.

Phil thought about how they’d skip lectures just to hang out as if they don’t already see enough of each other in their room. How they’d sleep in after a movie marathon the whole night. How they’d mess up the entire pantry every time they tried to cook. How their study sessions in the library almost always ended up in some funny competition to get the other person to make a noise without getting caught. He was going to miss all those little moments, maybe even more so than the big events they went through together.

Phil can’t believe that 3 years with Dan flew by so quickly. He’d had some of the best times of his life with him, and they’d been through some of their toughest together. He sighed inaudibly when he realised just how much he’ll miss Dan when he graduates.

They soon drove past Slough. Phil wondered if they should stop by London, but Dan didn’t seem interested in stopping at all. Dan had dozed off for about half an hour, and when he got up his mood still didn’t seem to improve much. He did, however, start eating his burger.

Dan was peacefully eating but stopped when he realised they were in Slough.

“Please don’t tell me you’re driving me home,” he pleaded.

“No no I’m not,” Phil reassured him, trying not to read too much into how betrayed Dan sounded.

Cause it's cold outside, when you coming home Cause it's hot inside, isn't that enough

Phil loved going home. He was always homesick in university, that is until he met Dan. After Dan came into his life he still always wanted to go home of course, but less because he couldn’t cope living away from family and more because he was just always so eager to share with his family stories about him and Dan and their little adventures.

He’d even brought Dan home during a holiday once, because Dan didn’t want to go back to his own home and Phil couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Dan to spend his holiday alone in campus. His family had loved Dan, and even though Dan was nervous at first, Phil was happy to see how quickly he warmed up to them. Since then, Dan actually spent more holidays with Phil’s family than his own.

Phil never could quite empathise with Dan not liking going home. He did drive Dan back home for a holiday once, and Dan’s family seemed loving and welcoming. Dan had explained to him how his hometown was just filled with bad memories for him. Phil hoped that one day Dan would be able to overcome his past.

Dan visibly relaxed into his seat after Phil reassured him. He looked warily at the sign and the road exiting the highway and leading into his hometown. Dan recalled the first time he followed Phil home for the holidays, after much persuasion from Phil. His mom had sounded really upset over the phone when he informed her he wasn’t going home. But besides the guilt for upsetting his mom, Dan had had the most fun in years. He felt a lump in his throat as he thought about having to spend the holidays alone in campus after Phil graduates. He couldn’t possibly invite himself to Phil’s anymore, can he.

The evening sun gave off a beautiful golden gleam on the horizon. Through the side view mirror, Dan could see the golden hour making his skin glow, despite his eyebags and dark eye circles.

Fascination ends Here we go again

He turned to Phil. The sun brought out the colours of his eyes perfectly. Dan thought that Phil’s eyes were magical, with the way they seemed to change shades under the light. He even told Phil once just how mesmerising he found his eyes to be.

Phil would smile at Dan every time Dan turned to him. Dan took the moment to appreciate how the golden hues from the sun blended with the green-blue of Phil’s eyes. And then he realised that those eyes were looking back at his own tired, dull ones. Dan never imagined that he’d let himself look so disheveled in front of someone so perfect.

Dan decided to pay attention to Phil’s playlist instead of letting his mind fixate again. The beat of the music was throbbing.

I'm not in love I'm not in love I'm not in love

The already propulsive synths become unavoidably sweeping as the singer’s declaration sounds shakier each time he repeats it, as if it was getting harder and harder to convince himself the truth of the words he sang. Dan felt the singer’s emotional vulnerability in his bones, and it wasn’t helping him to stop fixating at all. In fact it did the complete opposite.

He’d never been in a relationship. Neither had Phil. It was a common topic between them - quiet conversations about how they both hope to find love one day. The kind of love that is unconditional, that won’t fade out but grow stronger as time goes on and they understand their partners better. But Dan wasn’t so sure that life could be such a fairytale. Who could love him unconditionally when he was so broken?

He recalled one conversation they had about what they looked for in a partner, and both of them listed characteristics that actually matched each other. Dan wasn’t sure if it was him overthinking that or if it was a coincidence, but Phil didn’t seem to connect the dots, so Dan had concluded that it was just him and repressed it.

And how was he meant to know what love felt like anyway? Were the butterflies in his stomach a sign or are those just short-lived feelings? Where’s the line that crosses between merely caring for someone and actually being in love with them and when do you know that you’ve crossed it?

He rubbed his eyes and wondered if being in love was meant to hurt.

Phil was alarmed when he turned to Dan and noticed that Dan was tearing up. One moment Dan was just gazing at him passively and the next it seemed that he was trembling slightly.

“You alright, Dan?” he voiced his concern.

Dan wanted to respond, but he knew that if he allowed himself so much as to say one word, he’d start bawling, or throwing up his burger. He swallowed thickly, forcing himself to nod his head.

Phil knew by now that Dan was lying, but he also knew not to push Dan too hard if he didn’t want to speak. He knew that Dan would tell him in time. So he just reassured Dan that he’ll be there to listen if Dan decides to talk.

Dan nodded again, turning to look out the window instead. He blinked furiously, not letting his tears fall. He watched the horses running along the fields to calm himself down.

Realisation is always the easy part. It’s the acceptance after that that is harder to conquer. Denial would be more tempting, but Dan knows that won’t be good for him in the long run. He’d burst eventually; all his bottled up emotions will overflow as regret takes over and he could no longer deny his feelings.

But how was he to accept? Deep down, he knew that he’d realised long ago, and that he was quietly in denial all along. Because what other option does he have?

Phil only had a month left before graduating. Before packing up all his stuff in their room and moving out to start the new chapter in his life. And leave this chapter behind, with Dan in it.

Dan had trouble enough accepting that his best friend was leaving soon, how was he supposed to accept the fact that he had feelings for him? And how was he supposed to admit it if the feelings weren’t mutual?

We are not in love We are not in love We are not in love We are not in love

Actually Dan wasn’t sure if it was mutual or not. Sometimes he would catch Phil looking at him in a way that Dan can’t find the words to describe, but it would make his heart skip a beat. Their friends always turned heads whenever Phil invited Dan to his home for the holidays. Phil would almost always rather be with Dan than anyone else, even if he’d already spent the entire week alone with him, but Dan doesn’t know if it’s because he’s just being nice to him or if he’s that introverted. Dan wasn’t able to discern if Phil was just a super caring friend or if he went out of his way for Dan all the time because he actually loved him back. Where is that line?

But the nasty thought at the back of his mind told him that he’s overthinking all those little moments. There’s no way Phil could love him back, especially when he’s more often a burden than a friend. Like right now, when Phil could be resting or completing his assignment, but he’s out here doing the best he can to help Dan feel better instead.

Dan looked at the road signs. They were only less than an hour away from Brighton. He wondered what Phil would do next to help him once the road ends. He needed to start feeling better, for Phil’s sake.

When they reached Brighton, Phil drove to a less touristy part of the beach and parked.

“Let’s get ice cream,” he said, his smile reaching his eyes.

When Dan didn’t answer immediately, Phil tried again.

“C’mon, we gotta at least get out and stretch!! We’ve been cooped up in here too long.”

So Dan agreed, and his knees cracked as he stood up outside the car. Phil stretched his arms and sides, sighing in contentment.

They could hear the waves and smell the salty waters of the English Channel. The sun was going lower on the horizon, the golden hour making the seaside even more beautiful than the plains.

Dan quietly followed Phil to the nearest ice cream shop. Phil walked so close that their hands brushed, and even as Dan blushed, he could tell that Phil didn’t care. 

The look on Phil’s face when he got his ice cream was almost enough to make Dan forget his plight. Phil’s smile was contagious, and Dan found himself smiling a little as well while they walked to a quieter part of the beach to enjoy their ice cream.

Phil plopped himself down on the pebbles, and Dan sat a little more gracefully. Phil sighed happily. It took him little to be happy. All he needed was his best friend by his side, a good ice cream and the beautiful sunset as the waves crashed in front of them. He licked his salted caramel ice cream.

When he turned to Dan, to no surprise, Dan was offering him his ice cream. Phil smiled and tasted his friend’s strawberry ice cream before letting him taste his too. Phil’s smile faltered a bit when he realised just how much he’s going to miss peaceful moments like this with Dan. He had to cherish them while they last.

“Feeling better?” Phil checked in again.

“Yup,” Dan said honestly. Now that his mind was clearer on what’s been bugging him recently and now that he’d accepted his feelings, he did feel better. He felt like he didn’t need to numb his emotions anymore. He was free from his dark hole, if just for this moment.

“That’s good, I’m glad the road trip worked,” Phil said cheerfully.

Dan felt a somewhat bittersweet feeling. The crashing of the waves and the seagulls above them were the only sounds breaking their peaceful silence. A couple of people strolled by occasionally, and there were some kids running along the coast with their dogs. Dan thought about how fortunate he was, that he could be anywhere in the world with anyone, but fate placed him with Phil watching the sunset by the beach. He did not want to think about how different his life and his university experience would’ve been if Phil didn’t end up as his roommate.

“Thank you,” Dan said in a small voice.

“It’s alright,” Phil smiled as he ate the last bit of his ice cream cone. He scooted closer to his friend.

“I’m not just talking about the road trip, or the ice cream,” Dan explained, sensing that Phil didn’t quite understand.

Phil tilted his head a little, indicating that he’s listening for Dan to continue.

“Thank you, for driving all the way here. For always being so patient and understanding with me, and dealing with my shit. Even if you don’t get why I think certain things the way I do, like how a drive could help me, you still do them anyway for me. You didn’t have to waste your money or time but you’re so selfless like that and just. Thank you.”

Phil was caught off-guard. Dan did show him appreciation whenever he helped him out of his episodes, but he never really said it with such raw emotion before. Dan’s voice cracked, wavered as he spoke. Phil wanted to say that it’s fine, he was always more than happy to help, but Dan wasn’t done.

“Thank you for. For knowing what I need when even I don’t know what I need. I don’t know how you do that. And thank you for all the times you stood by me when you could’ve gone to your other friends, and for never leaving me alone. For-”

“Dan, your ice cream,” Phil interrupted.

Dan’s ice cream was melting down his fingers, but he didn’t care. 

“Thank you for making me feel. When I feel nothing at all, when I’m too numb, you just show up and be you and I feel alive again?” Dan wasn’t even sure if he’s making sense now.

His vision was blurring. He’d spent countless nights with Phil just talking about how he felt all the time, but he’d never really spoken at length about just how much he appreciated Phil. Phil deserved to know what an amazing friend he is, and Dan was now frustrated for not letting Phil know it enough. But he felt vulnerable as he continued speaking, like he’s finally opening all of himself up for Phil to see.

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do without you, Phil,” Dan whispered into his melted ice cream, trembling as he finally let his tears flow free.

“Oh Dan...” Phil whispered, quickly wiping the ice cream off Dan’s messy hand with a napkin.

He then pulled his shaking friend into a tight hug, bracketing his legs around Dan’s thighs and effectively removing any space between them.

“You’ve grown so much in the years I’ve known you, and I know that you’re gonna do just fine,” Phil rubbed his hand on Dan’s back as he spoke into Dan’s ear.

“I’m gonna miss you so much,” Dan’s voice cracked again.

Phil tucked Dan’s head under his chin. Dan fisted at Phil’s shirt as he let his tears fall onto Phil’s chest.

“I’m gonna miss you too, more than you imagine,” Phil started tearing up too.

“But it’s alright, Dan, because we still have a month before I graduate,” Phil said as he pulled away from Dan and lifted his chin so he could look him in the eyes, “And I’ll never forget you or leave you behind after uni.”

Dan looked up and saw nothing but sincerity and certainty in Phil’s eyes. He almost dared himself to believe that nothing would change after Phil was done with uni. But he knows that that’s impossible. Especially if he tells Phil his true feelings.

He was still afraid of how Phil would react. This could ruin everything they had, but Dan was willing to take the risk. He’d gone too many sleepless nights just thinking and denying and bottling up everything about how he felt for Phil. He reckoned that now more than ever was a good time to admit it and then seek closure no matter the outcome.

“I don’t think that’s possible,” Dan whispered almost bitterly.

“Why not?” Phil knitted his brows.

“Because.”

Phil patiently waited. Gave Dan time to voice out what he had in mind. He gently carded his hand through Dan’s matted curls.

Dan breathed in deep. Phil running his hand on his scalp helped him calm down but also made him more afraid to continue speaking. It could possibly be the final touch of affection he’d ever get from Phil, and he wanted it to last.

When he couldn’t drag it out any longer, he dared himself to look Phil in the eyes as he said his next few words.

“Because I love you, Phil.”

Dan felt like a huge weight lifted off his shoulders, but felt his throat and chest tighten up at the same time. He felt free of the secret that’s been eating him up, but the seconds that passed waiting for Phil to respond were filled with dread. He wanted to look away, too ashamed of possibly ruining their friendship, but he couldn’t because Phil’s intense gaze was locked on to his.

As Dan spoke those words with such a painful honesty in his voice, Phil felt as if his heart stopped. He’d never imagined Dan ever saying those words to him. He always thought that he’d been overreacting when things Dan did made his breath hitch, or his stomach come alive with butterflies. He always thought Dan was just super affectionate and would be the same with other friends too. He always liked to think he was special, even if he knew he wasn’t.

But now that Dan has said it, it confirmed that his gut feelings were right after all. All those times he refused to admit to himself that he may be falling for his roommate suddenly seemed so silly. The pain in Dan’s eyes made it seem like he had been so afraid of admitting this, as if he was expecting Phil to run away in disgust. Phil wanted to fix that immediately.

“Oh my god, Dan, I never thought you’d feel the same.”

Dan blinked, not sure if he heard Phil right. There’s no way Phil felt the same for him. The setting sun made the gold-blue of Phil’s eyes glisten beautifully and Dan watched as tears slowly start to fall down Phil’s cheeks, mirroring his.

“I love you too, Dan. There’s no one I’ve ever cared for as much as I do for you,” Phil said brokenly, trying to breathe properly through his crying.

Dan was still in a state of shock. He let himself be wrapped by Phil’s arms as he took in Phil’s words. He was prepared to be left at the beach by a repulsed ex-roommate. But here he was instead, loosely hugging Phil’s waist while being in Phil’s warm embrace.

“You...?” was all Dan answered.

“Yes, Dan, I wasn’t ever gonna say it because I thought you never felt the same,” Phil said, laughing a little at how silly that sounds now.

Phil couldn’t stop crying from joy, he didn’t even know he could cry from happiness this much. He hugged Dan tighter, never wanting to let go.

Dan shook his head in disbelief. Slowly, his lips turned up into a smile. And for the first time in a while, he smiled a genuine smile, finally feeling truly happy.

“The whole week... it was because of this?” Phil said, pulling back from the hug but holding onto Dan’s shoulders.

“...yeah, I’m in love with you but I didn’t want to ruin the friendship we already have,” Dan admitted, finding it so easy to say it now that Phil’s said it too. He felt like he didn’t ever want to stop saying it now.

“I can’t believe we’re like this,” Phil laughed.

Dan laughed too. In hindsight, they both know each other so well already, so they should’ve seen this coming. They should’ve known and trusted their instincts, but who would’ve known that they were both too scared to admit the same thoughts all this while.

They sat there laughing for a while, at how unreal it was that this was how they found out. That this was how they realised they were in love. And in love with each other. Sitting by the beach miles away from where they first met, in front of a beautiful sunset. All because Dan was too numb to feel after feeling too much.

“I promise you, Dan, I’ll never leave you. Not after graduation, not ever for as long as you want me by your side,” Phil said, cupping Dan’s cheeks and thumbing away the stray tears.

“Forever sounds good,” Dan whispered as he smiled up at Phil.

It felt like it happened in slow motion but too fast at the same time, when they both instinctively moved closer. Dan could feel Phil’s breath on his nose but his mind barely had time to register what was happening before he was closing his eyes and feeling Phil’s lips against his.

Dan squeezed Phil’s waist as they kissed. He felt his heart soar right out of his dark abyss. Phil’s hands never left his cheeks, and his lips felt like home. Dan found comfort in this strange sense of familiarity in the new beginning upon them.

Phil can’t count the number of times he’d wished he could kiss Dan on his hands. His heart was beating rapidly as he pressed his lips against Dan’s, he can’t believe he was finally getting his wish. It felt right, like they were meant to fit each other. Dan’s lips was soft against his, and he thinks that he could never get enough of it.

They pulled back when they needed air. Phil could finally see the life in Dan’s eyes again. The sun was almost completely set, but the last few rays it was leaving behind illuminated the hazel in Dan’s eyes. Phil thought that he looked absolutely beautiful, wet cheeks and all.

Dan’s mind was still running a mile a minute, but with all good thoughts now. He wondered what this now means for them, where they’d be headed from now on. But they would figure things out. He knew they’d be by each other’s side through anything just like they’d always been, and that’s all that matters.

“Are we going back now?” he asked, feeling Phil’s breath against his lips.

“We’ve only just got here, we’ve got time,” Phil said, unable to contain his smile.

songs featured from Phil’s road trip playlist:

Rebellion (Lies) - Arcade Fire

Propaganda - Muse

Wetsuit - The Vaccines

Not In Love - Crystal Castles

(in order, new song after each line break except Propaganda)

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do tell me what you think! :) maybe I could try venturing into more non-smut, or maybe I should stick to smut only lmao