#(maybe don't make your primary goal to ever be good at it)

[the-way-astray]

keefe has never gaslit or extorted anyone ever . manipulate MAYBE and i ONLY say that because katie knows all but i draw a line at extortion you arae wrong

hi, anon! those are some opinions you got there! obviously, it seems you've made up your mind, so my goal isn't to change your opinion, but rather to defend my side. i believe gaslighting is actually a form of manipulation, and you've already acknowledged that keefe could be manipulative, so i'm not really going to talk about that. however, it seems you feel very strongly about the extortion thing, so let's chat.

keefe's threats don't tend to come off as threats, because he's usually camouflaging them as something else, but the force (his use of empathy) is blatantly obvious. here are some examples (copy-pasting from my rant, only the stuff in the [brackets] is new):

(note: these are all out of order and i'm tired so i'm not citing shit. i may or may not change that later. point is, there is evidence in the text that proves that keefe is an extortive little shit, which is what i'm trying to prove.)

“Keefe nudged Dex’s arm, then grinned at Sophie. ‘Interesting.’ ‘What?’ Dex asked. ‘Which one’s your gift, Dex?’ Sophie interrupted. She didn’t have to be a mind reader to know what Keefe was going to tease Dex about.” Here we mark the start of Keefe using his empathy to learn people’s secrets without their consent. He feels not a hint of remorse for it, and instead uses it as a way to breach people’s boundaries and embarrass them. As a lot of people have already said, Keefe is the primary reason empathy should have similar restrictions on it to telepathy. [He obtained something (Dex's feelings, without permission, for no other reason than he wanted to) through force (his use of empathy).]

“He reached out and brushed Grady’s arm. ‘Whoa—that is some serious tension radiating off of you. Is it that bad?’” Again, here we see an example of Keefe breaching boundaries and using his ability to get people to tell him things they aren’t comfortable telling him. If Keefe was a Telepath, this would be breaking the law. In case you care. [Same thing as above.]

“Keefe grabbed Fitz’s wrist and pressed his fingers against the exposed skin. ‘Hate to break it to you, but I can tell you’re hiding something.’” (26) Another example of Keefe breaching personal boundaries and using his empathy to extort secrets out of people to get him to tell things they wouldn’t ordinarily tell him. This happens a lot starting in this book, and yes, I am going to point them all out. By the way, what Fitz was hiding was not at all important to their mission. It’s a secret of Sophie’s that Fitz accidentally saw and was forced to tell because of Keefe. And Keefe tries to make fun of Sophie for it, but is cut off. [Same as above.]

“Keefe spotted the crush cuffs about ten seconds after he got to Havenfield the next morning—despite the long-sleeved tunic Sophie had worn to keep them covered. And he dragged out the rest of the story with a relentless bombardment of questions.” Can Keefe keep his nose out of Sophie’s personal business for even a minute??? The “dragged” here is very telling: Sophie would not have chosen to tell Keefe all this of her own free will. He bombards her with questions, and so she tells him, not because she wants to, but because she knows that he won’t shut up until he has the full story. This is Sophie’s secret. Sophie’s business (and Dex’s). Keefe has no right to ask about the cuffs at all. The fact that he “retelentless[ly]” asked her questions until she was forced to tell him the entire story is not a good thing. It does not demonstrate trust, but quite the opposite: a breach of personal boundaries. Keefe is so toxic, I honestly find it impressive how Shannon has twisted him into a seemingly perfect-angel love interest. [He obtains something (what happened between Sophie and Dex) through force (his questions, which are specifically described using the words "dragged" and "relentless", as I stated).]

“She could feel him reaching for her glove—and yanked her hand away.” Keefe tries to breach Sophie’s boundaries. But what else is new. [Once again, he tries to extort, yes, extort, Sophie's feelings out of her. He isn't successful, but hopefully this proves that Sophie is not a willing participant here.]

“He traced his thumb over the sliver of skin between her glove and the edge of her beaded sleeve. ‘There’s something you’re not saying right now. I can feel it.’” (12) Keefe once again breaches boundaries because he can’t keep his nose out of other people’s personal feelings. He has no right to just help himself to Sophie’s emotions like that. It’s a massive breach of boundaries, and then using that to try to pry the secret out of her is nothing short of repulsive behavior. [He obtains something (Sophie's feelings, specifically the feeling of "she's not saying something", which he states) through force (his empathy).]

“Keefe snatched Fitz’s wrist. ‘I knew it!’ ‘Knew what?’ Fitz shouted, trying to wrench his arm away. Keefe tightened his grip. ‘Shhhhh, let the Empath work.’” (367) Oh, boy. Keefe really is such a manipulative asshole. He grabs Fitz’s hand to read his emotions because he wants to know why Fitz is offering to search his dad’s memories. He really can’t respect his supposed best friend’s privacy, can he? He can’t control himself; when he wants to know something he needs to have it right away. He breaches people’s trust and boundaries. Fitz tries to “wrench his arm away”, meaning that he’s uncomfortable and clearly doesn’t want this. But Keefe instead tightens his grip and forcibly extricates what he wants out of Fitz, even having the audacity to say “let the Empath work”. What an asshole. Honestly. He’s such a piece of shit. He’s a terrible person and the fact that Shannon is romanticizing this behavior is revolting. [He once again obtains something (Fitz's feelings, and from that the fact that he's trying to go after Alvar) through force (very literal here, he uses not only his empathy, but also his physical strength to keep Fitz from wrenching away).]

“‘Okay, two choices,’ Keefe told her, standing up and tilting her chin toward him. ‘You can tell me what’s wrong. Or I can put my Empath powers to work—but keep in mind, Option B will likely pick up on all kinds of other feelings.’ Sophie gave him her surliest scowl, but he didn’t back down.” First of all, here’s another example of Keefe touching Sophie’s face creepily. Secondly, Keefe just extorted Sophie’s personal feelings out of her. He just threatened to use his empathy on her if she didn’t tell him what was going on. He then said that if she didn’t tell him the thing she obviously doesn’t want to tell him, he’d not only use his power on her and figure it out, but would also probably pick up on other things she doesn’t want him knowing about. Sophie then makes it very obvious that she doesn’t want to do it, but he “didn’t back down”, by which Shannon of course means “didn’t respect Sophie’s feelings and her right to keep them to herself”. That is so. That is just. I don’t understand how Shannon somehow managed to twist this into Keefe caring about Sophie. He threatened, coerced, manipulated, and extorted her into telling him, sure, but caring about her??? Don’t make me laugh. Keefe is possibly the most toxic character in this entire series, and it is disgusting how Shannon gives the impression that this is caring behavior, or correct in any capacity at all. When someone wants to be left alone, you leave them alone. Keefe needs to go back to seventh grade health class, where they teach you that no means no. [My personal favorite example, because this is the one that most makes me think Shannon actively does not realize what a shitty character she's created in Keefe. He threatens Sophie (by telling her that if she didn't tell him, he'd forcefully take it from her, with some possible extra secrets, thrown in for funsies) into getting something he wants (her telling him what she's feeling). Yes, this is still shitty if you mask it as "caring". If Sophie doesn't want to talk, he needs to respect that, not pretend he knows her wishes better than she knows them herself. That is gaslighting. And taking away someone's agency to make their own decisions regarding their own feelings is bad and not good!]

[block limits are fun!!!]

“‘[ . . . ] forced herself to meet Keefe’s ice blue eyes. ‘I’m fine.’ When he raised one eyebrow, she added, ‘I’m just frustrated [ . . . ]’” (7) That’s right, the page numbers return. And I have physical copies of the rest of the series, so they’re here to stay. It may seem like Keefe is just trying to check on Sophie and make sure she’s okay, which is a noble cause, but when someone says they don’t want to talk about something, that means they don’t want to talk about it. That does not mean you prod and prod until they spill. So many things Sophie tells Keefe get twisted and people think she tells him because she trusts him, but more often than not she doesn’t and he just prods her or extorts them out of her. [It may not seem like Keefe "prod[s] and prod[s]", as my past self put it. But this is Flashback, so you do have to take into account the fact that Sophie has been putting up with Keefe's shitty behavior for six books, so she succumbs quicker. She knows that he will just take it from her if she doesn't give him what she wants. There is a quote later down that proves this, actually (it'll be in red).]

“‘Yup! But I can’t stop her, so I might as well let her take you down with me.’” (97) This is Keefe talking about Ro using him as a lie detector to extort Sophie’s secret out of her, by the way. Which Keefe agrees to do. Which he wouldn’t do if he really was a good friend. Just like Sophie wouldn’t have to make this deal with Ro if Keefe would just listen to good advice for once and do the smart thing. But he doesn’t care about Sophie’s mental health, and he doesn't care about Sophie’s feelings, because or else he would respect them by agreeing to stay out of the Neverseen’s way and not using his empathy to extort secrets Sophie clearly doesn't want to share out of her. And Ro. Honestly, she’s even worse than Keefe, partly because of her personality, but mostly because of the wasted potential. Keefe was always going to be the “bad boy angsty prankster with daddy issues that causes trouble” trope that we've seen a million times. But Ro could’ve been so much more. She’s the ogre princess, and the most Shannon could do with her is make her a Sokeefe fangirl. [Again, Keefe uses his empathy (force) to keep Sophie honest as Ro forces her to tell her and Keefe the secret that she desperately doesn't want to tell to the both of them (obtaining something he wants). And this is somehow spun around and sold to the audience as caring.]

“‘But do you really think you’re going to be able to leave here without telling me what happened with the Forklenator? If you do, you’re going to be sorely, sorely disappointed—and covered in biscuit crumbs.’” (351) Again, Keefe as good as admits that he’d force Sophie to spill if she didn’t tell him what happened with Mr. Forkle. His extortive ways need to stop being glorified and start being treated like the horrific manipulation it is. [This may seem like a joke, but it got Sophie to spill, so I mean. And yes, Sophie came there with the intention of telling Keefe. But that doesn't change the fact that telling someone they have to tell you something they may not want to is shitty. Especially considering how Keefe has acted for the past seven books (this is in Legacy).]

“She wasn’t sure if they were allowed to tell him—but it was so much easier than arguing.” (336) Keefe has literally annoyed Sophie so much that she doesn’t even think it’s worth the fight to keep a secret. That’s not good. It means that Sophie just succumbs to whatever he wants without a thought. That’s pretty much the highest sign of a toxic relationship. [And the reason she succumbed? Because he consistently shows her he has the power to take what he wants from her, over and over and over, and consistently has threatened/forced her, so now she doesn't even think it's worth the fight to try to keep stuff secret anymore. I don't know what else to say. This is not good. It is not caring. It is extortive and shows a clear lack of trust in Sophie and Keefe's relationship.]

and just as a comparison point, here's what keefe using his empathy in a healthy, not extortive way looks like:

so yeah, i'd say keefe consistently and constantly extorts sophie (and others) when he decides it's convenient for him.

[sugarpasteltmnt]

First of all, I gotta say that I absolutely LOVE your fic. I read the first chapter and just... didn't stop reading lol. It was so compelling and the way you describe emotions and depict Leo's mental state is so good!!!! I can't get enough of it. I love how you write his manic thought process and the way that his thoughts jump around in a very 'word association' type way! (That's super accurate to manic episodes!) I also really like the way that his awareness ebbs and flows and how you are able to indicate that to the reader while also maintaining the narrative. For real, kudos to you, that's a super difficult thing to do and you've pulled it off so well! It's absolutely stunning!

Question (and feel free not to answer if this is a spoiler or if you aren't sure), did Leo age in the Prison Dimension? Cause obviously the five years was FIVE YEARS, he didn't just time skip or anything, and he's definitely five years older mentally (for better or for worse, poor guy) but if the Prison Dimension essentially 'stops' bodily functions like hunger, thirst, exhaustion and.. dying, was his aging paused as well?

I'm low-key dying over the idea of Leo still being a kid physically. Like, the mental image of his brothers coming face-to-face with a visibly teenaged Leo who is more scar tissue than skin, it's just, ugghhgg. It's one thing to know 'oh he was a kid, he shouldn't have had to deal with this. He shouldn't have had to have been in that position, this is all so fucked up' but it's another thing entirely to see it, y'know?

Anyway, again feel free to ignore the question if it's spoiler territory or completely off the mark or if you don't have the spoons to answer. I mainly just wanted to say that I'm obsessed with your fic and it has me completely unhinged (pos). Was literally sobbing at 3AM while reading it. 10/10. Would recommend.

(also how the fuck do you write Leo so scary and threatening and yet also so adorable and charming and 'wet meow-meow stuck in the rain'. I'm frothing at the mouth wtf. The whiplash of being all 'oh no he's gonna kill- oh he's purring now, he's baby' is so fantastic holy shit)

THANK YOU THAT'S SO NICE WAAAAAAH 😭😭😭 i'm so glad people seem to enjoy it because i can always go a little TOO in depth at times and i hope it's never like, too boring or repetitious

and yes, Leo did age!! while the idea of Leo being a time capsule of his teenage self but now so warped is DELICIOUS... I love the idea he aged for several reasons. It was one (or maybe the only) way Leo knew time was passing for him-- which adds to the mental strain of knowing he was stuck there. Forever. And the emotional damage it would inflict on his family because it makes it just more transparent and painful how much time had passed. How long they left Leo there. As well as prove the point that time in the Prison Dimension passed at the same rate as it did on Earth.

Plus, I feel like there's another, dark, angsty edge to it that I couldn't resist. I feel like when the Prison Dimension was made, the primary goal was to trap the Krang for eternity. Whether intentional or not, the Mystic Warriors had practically made a place you could age. Where you can get hungry. Where you can get thirsty. Where you have to face all those painful needs of the body you just can't satisfy... But you just couldn't escape it. Ever.

That might make it a bit TOO dark to think about, but ultimately I just loved the idea of the brothers seeing Leo older like them and knowing that they had left him behind for so long. (toot-toot all aboard the angst train)

but omg i'm so glad you like it 😭 thank you for the ask it was super sweet 🩵

also

My Brother in Christ Pizza Supreme I wish i knew

[artist-issues]

Been a while since we've heard, how did your readthrough of the Harry Potter books go?

Hey! Ho! I forgot to update on that didn't I? My bad!

I haven't worked out all my feelings about it! The last book was so...odd. I felt frustrated through the whole thing. Most of the books felt like you were waiting to figure stuff out—the main characters would try to get information and solve problems and fail or cause more problems in the process, but there was usually some secondary goal they consistently had hope in. Like, maybe Harry Potter can't figure out who's trying to kill him, and has constant setbacks in that. BUT, their secondary goal, winning the Tri-Wizard Cup, is usually...hopeful. They're usually doing well with one of their two main goals, and then the climax happens, and they lose something important, but ultimately ene on a hopeful note. You know, Harry wins the Tri-Wizard Cup, but Voldemort's back and Cedric is dead, that sort of thing.

But. In the conclusion of the series, it felt like the main characters were getting nowhere, in their primary goals AND their secondary goals, for so long. Then the ending, the pacing of it all, felt rushed. And I didn't love the plot device of the Elder Wand, or how in the climax of the book, when Harry is fighting Voldemort, they stop to have like a twenty-minute conversation about all the exposition the reader needs to know to understand how Harry is about to beat him—and Harry was basically insufferable for the whole book.

that was my initial impression. It might age better if I go back and re-read. I definitely like some of the Messianic notes of Harry dying for everybody—then picking his life back up again to defeat the bad guy once and for all.

and they killed Lupin. Which. He's my favorite I thought he had the most interesting "character arc" of any of the adult characters. It seemed like his biggest fear was inadequacy as a father, heightened by the fact that he's a werewolf, so he thought he'd make his son's life harder and more shameful by even being alive...so as part of that interesting character flaw, Lupin tries to kamikaze by going on the run with Harry. Then he goes back and resolves to live with his wife (who he wrestles with the safety of loving) and child (same wrestling match) because being present as a father and husband is the right thing to do, regardless of how difficult it is for you.

And then he dies anyway.

So it's like. What the heck was the point of that? Makes the lesson he, as a character, was teaching, hollow. Like "Living as a good father is harder than dying a martyr—but I'm dead, so I don't have to worry about that, I guess the thought was what counted."

And people will say to me "nooo he was willing to take risks and sacrifice! He sacrificed his life! To make a better world for his son!"

Yeah okay but we already had self-sacrificial love impacting an orphan's life through the death of parents in the main character. Lily and James Potter did that. Already got that lesson. Now tell a story about how just going on and living your life for someone, say to day, especially when it's hard and they might not thank you for it, is also self-sacrificial. I thought that was the mini-story Lupin's character was telling, on the side of the main plot. But then no, Rowling just repeats herself. She just starts an interesting thing and then finishes it in the least-interesting way.

I feel like one of the basics of storytelling is "create a character that needs to learn something. Then put them through the hardest circumstances so that they're forced to change into what they need to learn." Dying in battle was not Lupin's hardest circumstance. You know what would've been? Killing Tonks, his wife, so that he's forced to raise their son alone and still stay—or keeping them both alive, but Lupin's curse is worse than ever after the battle. Or just simply keeping them both alive, and putting a little nod in the epilogue to how Harry's kids defend Lupin's son from bullies, and it's hinted at that society still doesn't accept werewolves and their lives aren't perfect, but they're all sticking around for each other.

I mean you don't even get to have Tonks react to Lupin's death. And the only Weasley that was killed was one of the twins—don't get me wrong, that's still horrible. But if you're trying to make a point about the losses of war, kill a character who is one-of-a-kind to the audience...not one-of-two.

Also, the thing with Snape and Lily didn't hit. Haven't analyzed why, yet. There's something to be learned about showing and telling there. I mean, what the author showed me for seven books was a mean and nasty man who loved nothing. I experienced it with Harry. I tasted the sting of the insults and the cruel remarks and the unfairness. For seven books. You know what's less powerful? A handful of pages quickly info-dumping the idea that no, he was in love and acting out of unrequited love all along. Like anti-heroic Snape is a compelling idea to be told about, but it's not nearly as strong as the experience of being shown villainous Snape, moment by moment, book by book.

Same thing with Dumbledore's emotional reveal of his own history. Like. Okay. But you only just now told me I should care about Dumbledore's family, in the last half of the last book. I don't feel as badly about him and his family as I would've if you'd slowly shown me who they were, even in memory, for the last seven books—like she did super well with Lily and James and Sirius.

anyway. Those are my half-baked thoughts. I was also...running a super high fever and reading the last few chapters at 1 in the morning, at the time. So they're super underdone thoughts. Thanks for asking!

[leonardoeatscarrots]

So i don't really know much about your fandoms or interests so... idk, would you mind giving me the rundown maybe? Like a little description about the games you like, or some info about your different comics? I want to chat more with you but I'm not sure where to start since I'm not familiar with your fandoms

Haha, that makes sense, my Fandoms can be considered a little niche.

First off, I'm super glad to finally meet you, lol. I've sorta been watching you and Pringles from afar, and you two seem like good friends.

But yeah, I'll happily give you a rundown, thanks for asking ^^

Pathologic/Мор: Утопия is a Russian videogame developed by Icepick Lodge. You play as one of three healers in a bo-hum steppe town, and your goal is to try and save the population from the outbreaking plague. The game has a lot of heavy theatrical influences and is well known for being extremely difficult and cruel. Which means the writing is perfectly catered to my tragedy-loving gay-theater-kid ass.

Karamora/Карамора is a show I got into a while ago. Basically, it's a fictional retelling of the Russian revolution (one of my special interests, lmao), except all the nobles are vampires. It's dumb but it's unironically so well made. Plus it has that twinky ginger guy, Evgeny Schwartz, in it. This show is also what got me on the Russian media pipeline to begin with XD

Lost Splendor was a memoir written by Felix Yusupov (aka the guy who killed rasputin, aka an important figure in the Russian revolution), and it's just incredibly funny for no reason. Man killed Rasputin, but all he could think to write about was how gay and ADHD he was.

Comics. I'm just very normal about them. I have a collection of around 80 different comics, single issues and graphic novels included. My favorites are queer and indie graphic novels, but im also a huge sucker for some of the classics like V for Vendetta. I have yet to purchase The Sandman comics, but they're on my list.

As for webcomics, I'm addicted to those too. I'm probably the biggest fan 5-ever of The Peculiar Compendium of Victor Van Wolfe on webtoons, and I've written a few fanfics and made fanart aplenty, as well as made custom stuffies of the characters. But I have a wide list of recommendations across a lot if genres XD

As for comics that IVE written, I currently have two open to the public on webtoons and tapas.

The first is Spaceships and Vodka, which is my primary comic. It's an anachronistic sci-fi surrounding a band of space pirates. It's a monster of the week style story with a lot of extra narrative told through backstories. It's currently still in the exposition stage and on hiatus.

The other is Gentle Hands, which is technically an AU of S&V. It's a gay romance following a disabled WWI soldier in a shellshock home and one of the nurses he has a crush on. This one is, alas, also still in the exposition stage, but is currently updating one page every other week.

As for like individual OCs, I mostly obsess over my comic characters. I don't typically make Fandom OCs.

My absolute pride and joy is Craig. He's also the fan favorite thus far.

I don't even know where to begin with him.

I have a bio for him and some other OCs I think, but I have yet to actually fill out any more >>_>> executive dysfunction my beloathed.

The full main cast list includes

Craig

Mirium

Derick

Terric

Carl

As well as Erasmus, Rusty, Cipher, Jadyn, and Jesper as some other extras.

So long as I'm here I may as well finish all the bios and make a master post lol...

[gregrulzok]

So Okay, Massive props to my boyfriend (<3) for pointing this out because I doubt I'd have this thought without him, but now that it's in my head I can't stop thinking about it.

So here is: Why You (The American/Western European Reading This) Don't Understand Griffith, and Maybe Never Will.

TL;DR, details under Cut (v long): Berserk is an allegory for the struggle between Collectivism vs Individualism, which to very Indicidualism-Centered Westerners makes the Collectivist Griffith very unsympathetic.

And obviously, spoilers ahead, as well as a TW for death, violence, and sexual violence.

To put it very directly: Griffith is a Collectivist (someone who is focused on the well-being of the collective above the well-being of one's self or other individuals), whereas Guts is an Individualist (someone who is focused on the well-being of one's self or other individuals above the well-being of the collective).

Griffith has individuals he cares for, wants by his side and wants to see succeed, but in his mind, nothing and no one is above the Collective. That collective is, initially, the Band of Hawks, and then his own Kingdom, and presumably eventually the whole world. Griffith's primary and sole desire is to improve the broken world he grew up in, and there is no one he won't sacrifice for that goal, because he thinks that by achieving it he will be making a safer and happier place for an immesurable amount of people. And by no one, I do mean no one - he puts his own health and well-being on the line as well, physically, mentally, or otherwise. Most notably, the time where he, still as a child, allows a grown man to sleep with him to win his favour. Griffith is not above the collective, he's not above putting himself at stake if it means a safer future for more people. He won't let himself /die/, but that isn't because he cares about his own life more, rather because he thinks he's the only one who can achieve that ideal future, and so his survival is linked to the survival of the collective.

And Guts eventually becomes aware of this. Whether consciously or not, he realizes that however much Griffith may care for him, he would also sacrifice him for the greater good if need be. Guts is not above the collective, and he so desperately wants to be. He wants to be someone who will stand out to Griffith, who will be more important to him than anyone else (and it makes sense - Griffith is the first person that ever actually treated him as an individual, and the knowledge that he's still beneath the collective must be painful), and he thinks that the way to achieve it is to pursue his own individuality. That if he chases his individual growth, he will eventually become bigger than the collective.

Thing is, you can't pursue individual growth in a collective. You can't focus on yourself and the collective at the same time. That's why he wants to leave, and that's why Griffith can't let him - however hard Guts may try, you can't become a big enough person to outweigh the collective. Doing that is tantamount to destroying the collective, and Griffith can't let that happen. He can't let Guts become so big that he'll destroy everything he works so hard for, and so however much he cares about Guts becomes irrelevant. By just trying to become bigger than the collective he is threatening the collective, and so he must be killed.

(Note here that this scene has multiple meanings and this is only one of them. The other and much more obvious meaning is that he is outright in love with Guts, and can't bare to watch him leave. This analysis is NOT trying to argue against this, I am a staunch believer that any non-romantic reading of Berserk is outright factually incorrect. Do NOT use this to justify your weird homophobic erasure).

Here's where the Western part comes in: A lot of western countries, and particularly the U.S., are extremely radically individualist. For a lot of Americans, though of course not for every individual (ha) one, the idea of having to sacrifice yourself (whether literally or metaphorically, in a "Give Up On Your Dreams" sense) is absolutely unacceptable. And so seeing this character who will destroy anyone for the sake of the collective is immediately perceived as a threat to their very way of thinking.

Japan, meanwhile, is extremely radically collectivist. To a detrimental degree. Individuals sacrifice their dreams and health and mental well-being for the sake of making the country thrive. This is why this conflict is so important in the manga.

It shows collectivism at its natural extreme - but it doesn't villanize it. Everywhere that Griffith ends up ruling thrives. People love Griffith, they worship him, they consider him a saviour. Collectivism works, it does make the world better for the whole, objectively this is true even with the individuals left behind. But this doesn't erase the crimes committed, the lives ruined or lost. It doesn't absolve anything - it looks pretty and peaceful on the surface, it's happy and kind as long as you're not in the way of it, and as soon as you are it crushes you underfoot.

Individualism, on the other hand, it portrays as free and brave - but also selfish, lonely. Guts is an asshole to most people he comes across, he's extremely self-serving, and even when he cares about people he's very selective about them. He has to be, he has to draw that distance, because ultimately he HAS to focus on himself first. That's what makes him "greater" than the collective he wants to dismantle. And isn't that evil, too? Sure, it's revenge for what's been done to him and his loved ones, but in exacting it he'll be burning down a peaceful utopia, one which was built on the corpses of the ones he cared for.

There is no easy answer.

Guts is not a hero. He's a selfish loner, one who is free and cares fiercely for those he loves. He's the protagonist, because Japanese people need to see that individualism is an option.

Griffith is not a villain. He's a peacekeeper, a visionary, one who masks and justifies his horrible crimes and cares fiercely for everyone in the world, but never quite enough. He's the antagonist, because Japanese people need to see that collectivism can be taken far too far.

So this idea that Guts = Good and Griffith = Evil is just far, far too narrow a worldview, one affected by very western ideas of morality and justice, and one that, for a work as complex and beautiful and interesting as Berserk is just quite frankly not nuanced enough.

[melodygatesauthor]

Weekly Update

8/27/2023

Announcements/Reminders

Next week is my 1 year ficversary! - I'll be doing a BIG post and a tiny celebration for that since I just had a celebration for my 2k followers.

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I'm taking art commissions! - Pricing - Follow my art blog: @melodymakesart

Fic Updates

Disclaimer - I never know which way the winds of inspiration will blow. Timeframes aren’t a promise/guarantee, they’re a goal.

Fic Updates Legend:

Blue - Update this week

Pink - Update in progress

Red - Backburner Fic (not currently working on. See WIP list for status)

You can find my current WIP list here

Chaptered Fic Updates

A Bit Dodgy - Chapter 17 is coming tomorrow! I don't think it will be out early in the morning like usual but it will be out tomorrow at some point during the day!

Always Yours, Never Mine - Chapter 4 is in progress, hoping to have the next update out in the next couple of weeks!

The Fractured Moon - My primary focus this past week has been getting A Bit Dodgy finished, and also working on getting the requests and stuff for my 2k celebration done. I'll be working on part 4 of TFM this week to hopefully post next week!

Remember to look at my WIP list for other backburner fics

Mini-series Updates

Feeling You Can’t Fight - Chapter 3 is done! I had meant to get editing done for this fic last week but it got away from me! I'll be working on it this week.

All on the backburner for now but will get additional chapters soon:

Not a Doctor - Part 2

Worth the Risk - Part 3

AI Character Bot Updates

I currently have the following bots on my list that I’m working on. If you have any suggestions or additions you’d like, please feel free to ask! I won’t make every single one I get asked for but I’ll make some of them as I get time!

DBF Jake and Steven (I already did Marc...did I ever post him? I thought I did but maybe not)

Patient Steven and Marc

Moon Knight Rescue scenario

Am I missing any? Don't see one on the list that you want to add? Send me an inbox or private message! No promises, but if I like the idea I'll make an AI bot.

I think that's all for now! Much love!

Don't forget to follow my other blogs:

@melodymakesart - My art blog

@lockandkeynovel - The blog for my original fiction novel, Lock & Key

@melodyreadsfanfiction - The blog where I reblog works I intend to read, a good place for fanfic readers to follow!

@melodygatesupdates - This is where I'll reblog any chapter updates for my fics and whatnot. This is what I use instead of a tag list!

[zaptap]

getting back into side order (after beating the last of the initial 12 runs a few weeks back)

my primary goal right now is to keep getting prlz to get more hacks, but i'm also going to sort of focus on trying to get the weapon-exclusive chips that don't match the weapon's color bias. so i've turned off the color-chip bias hack and i'm focusing on vending machine and floor reset hacks. the idea is that since these are harder to get, i might end up getting 5 of some of the others as i go, so it'd be better to do these first

decided to start with extra dodge rolls on the dualies and.... well, did you know you can use cloud saves to basically make a backup before doing any floor in your run? you can just restore the save to get back there. no downside or anything. nintendo just lets you do this. im paying $20 a year so i should be able to though

your run is actually based on a seed that's determined when you start, so you can't exactly reroll floors--the same floor choices lead to the same things, and vending machines always sell the same things too. same applies to vending machine and floor resets. BUT you can reset a floor to change all of the floors after it. and vending machine resets actually do that too. so basically there's a bunch of branching paths for each choice that you can make going along, and you can take advantage of cloud saves by basically going back and exploring a different branch

so less than halfway into this dualies run, i ended up getting extra dodge roll at a vending machine, i buy 3. i don't run into any more though, and then at floor 27 (which has a vending machine) i'm like uhhhh ok i'm running out of floors for this. so i make a backup and keep coming back to that floor

and wow even with those 3 floors there was a lot of options. going through the floors normally and then resetting 29 as much as i could afford (hoping to get double there), resetting the vending machine on 27 and checking the later floors, resetting the vending machine on 27 twice and checking the floors, or 3 times, or 4 times, or 5 times, or 6 times (this was about as much as i could afford). kept doing resets until i couldnt afford it and then closing the game and restoring my save

i tried so many things. i played the same floors so many times. i think i went through this for like 2 hours. i was getting tired of it. best i ever saw was one dodge roll chip on floor 29 which doesnt do me any good because i needed 2 (i have double-chip rate maxed btw. i saw 2 of other chips there instead several times)

i think ultimately what i did was reset floor 27 and pick an option, reset floor 28 and pick an option, then keep resetting 29 a bunch (it kept giving me vending machines) and then when i was down to like 3.5k membux i was like. you know what. i feel good about this vending machine let's try it. and then i reset that once and got the 2 extra dodge roll chips i needed

i did it.... now i just have to do it for the other weapon-exclusive ones that don't match. horizontal slash speed on splatana, splatling barrage on splatling, brella cooldown on brella, rush ink coverage on brella/roller/brush. 2 of those are on brella so maybe i should try that first? idk.

i wasnt even necessarily trying to get extra dodge roll here, just get prlz, and i spent so many membux that i didnt end up with as many (i still need one more hack each for floor reset, membux reward, vending machine discount, but i'm at least getting a couple floor reset from this run's prlz)

[a-girl-called-bob]

I don't want to reply to this on the post it's on, because it'd be getting pretty far away from the original point (that being that chromebooks have actively eroded the technological literacy of large proportions of young people, especially in the US), but I felt enough of a need to respond to these points to make my own post.

Point 1 is... pretty much correct in the context that it's replying to; the Google Problem in this case being the societal impact of Google as a company and how their corporate decisions have shaped the current technological landscape (again, especially in the US). I'd argue it's less like saying Firefox is a good alternative for your dishwasher and more like saying Firefox is a solution for climate change, but whatever, the point's the same. You can't personal choices your way out of systemic issues.

Point 2 is only correct in the most pedantic way; we both know that 'running on a Linux kernel' isn't what we mean when we talk about Linux systems. It's one true definition, but not a functional or useful one. Android and ChromeOS (and to a lesser extent, MacOS, and to an even greater extent, the fucking NES Mini) all share a particular set of characteristics that run counter to the vast majority of FOSS and even Enterprise Linux distributions. Particularly, they're a.) bundled with their hardware, b.) range from mildly annoying to damn near impossible (as well as TOS-breaking) to modify or remove from said hardware, and c.) contain built-in access restrictions that prevent the user from running arbitrary Linux programs. I would consider these systems to all be Linux-derived, but their design philosophies and end goals are fundamentally different from what we usually mean when we talk about 'a Linux system'. Conflating the two is rhetorically counterproductive when you fucking know what we mean.

Point 3 is a significant pet peeve of mine, and the primary reason why I feel the need to actually respond to this even if only on my own blog. "Linux is not a consumer operating system" is such a common refrain, it's practically a meme; yet, I've never seen someone explain why they think that in a way that wasn't based on a 30-year-old conception of what Linux is and does. If you pick up Linux Mint or Ubuntu or, I don't know, KDE Plasma or something, the learning curve for the vast majority of things the average user needs to do is nearly identical to what it would be on Windows. Office software is the same. Media players is the same. Files and folders is the same. Web browsers is the same. GIMP's a little finicky compared to Photoshop but it also didn't cost you anything and there are further alternatives if you look for them. There are a few differences in terms of interface, but if you're choosing between either one to learn for the first time you're using a computer, the difference isn't that large. Granted, you can also do a bunch of stuff with the command line - you could say the same of Powershell, though, and you don't have to use either for most things. Hell, in some respects Windows has been playing catch-up - the Windows Store post-dates graphical software browsers on Linux by at least a decade, maybe more. Finding and installing programs has, quite literally, never been harder on Linux than on Windows - and only recently has Windows caught up. I used Linux as my daily driver for five years before I ever regularly had to open up the terminal (and even then it was only because I started learning Python). I was also seven when I started. If the average teenager these days has worse computer literacy than little seven year old Cam Cade (who had, let me think, just about none to start with), I think we have bigger issues to worry about.

In my opinion, Linux users saying Linux 'isn't for consumers' is an elitist, condescending attitude that's not reflective of the actual experience of using a Linux system. To say so also devalues and trivializes the work put in to projects like Mint and Ubuntu, which are explicitly intended to be seamlessly usable for the vast majority of day-to-day computer tasks.

[sycamorre]

You know I gotta get my girl Ledo! Also Wisteria, please. I barely know her, but I love her already.

[send me a character]

Another long one!

Ledo —

Favorite thing about them: It's a hard tie between her design elements and her passion for what she cares about. I love how her design has come out, in part because of how long I've picked away at her over the years waiting for a chance to play her, and how everything fell into place with the campaign's setup, but I also love how passionate she is about things: her work, her goals, and even her problems. Coming off of playing Oriana, who has a tendency to downplay a lot of her emotions due to her anxiety, it's been a good change of pace. Ledo is pretty calm most of the time but won't hesitate to say what's on her mind if she thinks it's important.

Least favorite thing about them: She's really hard to pinpoint morally/alignment-wise. I've settled on lawful neutral, but she flip flops between wanting to actually do some good and not caring about others at all and it's one of those things that will probably either go one way or another as her story develops, but for right now is just hard to feel out without regularly writing or playing her.

Favorite line: "If the universe wanted us gone so bad, it should have done a better job at killing us." for a specific line. But I'll echo your sentiments about their little campfire talk. I had never gotten a chance to show Ledo angry and when a little bit slipped with her "I am no damn pirate," comment, that was satisfying.

brOTP: Already adoring the vibes between Ledo and Char, they get shit done. But honestly I can't wait to see where the relationships with the other characters go, too. Especially Celeste once they get to really talk about Twalan one on one and maybe even Foaly at some point if they ever get to swapping war/battle stories.

OTP: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) You've seen him. I've only let his name slip once, but you've seen him on this here blog. That's all you get.

nOTP: You've also seen him but do not yet know his name. There's a lot of people in the world she would sell to satan for a corn chip, but she would pay for Satan to take this fellow.

Random Headcanon: In-character, her steel guardian Drache is based on a drake for one primary reason: a joke between her and her father. One day he asked her what she might want as a pet, and she said a dragon. She eventually learned that this was not possible, but the family in-joke remained. Out of character, the reason he's a drake is because I didn't want him to be a dog or a bear, and nothing else felt right. I originally was going to make her an armorer or artillerist artificer and she was gonna have a small monkey automaton, but after reviewing the sub-classes and realizing neither of those actually felt right and battle smith felt like the most useful sub-class, that automaton eventually morphed into Drache.

Unpopular Opinion: I doubt this technically counts, but I honestly think looking back that Ledo would have been better as a Pathfinder character. The inventor class is perfect, and I very well might replay her one day if I do ever get to join a Pathfinder campaign. But she feels like she fits well into the current party so I don't dwell on it too much.

Song I associate with them: OH boy. Currently her main song is "Queen of Kings" by Alessandra, but specifically this cover by Annapantsu for thematic reasons. "Runaway" by AURORA was her main theme before that. I have... a very long playlist for her I am still fine-tuning.

Favorite picture of them: I still think this is the best headshot I've done of her, even if I need to update the horns:

Wisteria —

Favorite thing about them: She's just fun! Half of my enjoyment when it comes to thinking about Wisteria is considering the fun things like what she might wear, how her spells might appear since she's a dancing-based bard, or what kind of shenanigans she might get into.

Least favorite thing about them: Intelligence is absolutely her dump stat and hoo boy is that gonna be hard to get used to if I ever do get to play her in some kind of game. She also has no sense of personal space and is the worst kind of nosy.

Favorite line: We'll come back to this one day. One day...

brOTP: Her little eladrin bard gang back home. The tightest clique of court ladies and performers the fey have ever seen.

OTP: This gal's not looking to settle down or just pick one... but I could be convinced if the right opportunity presented itself.

nOTP: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Random Headcanon: Since Eladrin can change their "season" willingly, back in the Feywild she would do it on a whim or based on which court she was performing in, but she heavily preferred spring since that is the court she originates from. However, once she enters the material plane and the idea of the courts is no longer looming over her, her "season" tends to change depending on her overall mood for a while, at least until she starts understanding that seasons in this plane are a set timespan and then she starts adhering to that a bit more as she settles.

Unpopular Opinion: Probably gonna need to actually play her some to get an idea for what this might be.

Song I associate with them: A bit of a cop out if I'm being honest because I haven't worked on her playlist yet, but "The Willow Maid" or "Round and Round" by Erutan because they feel like songs she would perform to

Favorite picture of them: She's ready for mischief and other nonsense

[sleetmonster]

i'm summarizing some thoughts i had over on discord here, bc maybe this would be an ok place to shout about this kinda stuff after all.

i don't like twitter. i still use it, a little, mostly to check up on art and on folks i don't often keep up with otherwise. and that's kind of the point, for me - what i want out of social media a sort of big group space where people gather to chat and make jokes and show art and share wisdom, and that's not how twitter is built. at its core, twitter is a machine that uses misery to milk you for ad revenue.

it's a website with the primary goal of making money, and as with anything that holds a similar goal, it should absolutely be judged based on that understanding. it's only ever going to masquerade as a social site, because what it actually wants is to keep you there, and keep you engaged so that you look at more ads. it's going to force "curated" timelines and it's going to drive you crazy with follower counts and view counts and likes and retweets. it's going to throw misinformation and hate-bait at you. i feel like doomscrolling is a symptom of this kind of social media, but that it could have been structured to avoid that sort of thing.

and i think there is something good about having social media. even without the pandemic forcing isolation on a lot of us, it's harder to really hang out and be social offline these days. stores and malls are all closing up, everything has a progressively higher price tag, there aren't a lot of community spaces. plus you've got folks like me - queer, trans, some mysterious flavor of neurodivergent, who is necessarily nervous around the general public by default. you don't know who is going to want to make a big scene because you're wearing a mask, or who is going to want to murder you because your appearance trips up their constantly scanning gender-role-o-meter. it's not like i can just find a community among my physical neighbors without having to build up a whole false persona to hide inside. so having a gathering place online, where people i am more likely to feel safe around can congregate, is a fantastic thing.

the problem is just that twitter ain't it. i don't think tumblr really is either. it too needs to make money, so it's going to do what it can to make money. and you've still got followers and notes and all these blog statistics which are just inherently unhealthy. it's a better place i think for artists, just because the things you post don't get Lost To The Timeline as easily, but tumblr feels less like a social forum and more like a bunch of people writing in journals where you can read others at your leisure and maybe write a comment in the margins before you leave.

the more i think about it, the more i realize i kind of miss web 1.0 forums. slower paced than discord maybe, but broadly accessible, organized, and thoroughly archived. it's funny to think how much we really got right in the earlier days of the internet, before the specter of capital started infesting its walls.

[drawnecromancy]

Writer Questions game !

Tagged by @isabellebissonrouthier

As always if you want to do this, consider yourself tagged by me !

Under a cut because it's slightly long imo :)

1. What is your absolute all-time favorite idea you've ever had?

Hmm. Considering I keep going back to it, even after long stretches of time, I guess the building blocks of Break of Dawn would be that ? I'm bad at choosing favorites unless they really jump out, honestly. (like the Emperor but does he count as an idea if he's a character ?)

2. Is there a question you've been asked in the past that really stands out to you and you still think about sometimes?

Uh. nah ?

3. What is your favorite part of being a writer? What parts could you take or leave?

Genuinely, re-reading my own writing. It's great. I giggle at ALL of my jokes, even the stupidest, because I am the primary audience and i LOVE my own humor.

What i could take or leave... idk. looking up vocabulary. please brain have a french-english dictionary that doesn't stop working every other sentence please and thanks.

4. What is your greatest motivation to write/create?

I Get To Get Shit Done. It's Here. It Exists

5. What is the best piece of advice you've ever read or been given as a writer?

Done is better than perfect done is better than perfect done is better than perfect.

6. What do you wish you knew when you were first starting out writing?

..............done is better than perfect

But, seriously, I would've liked knowing that drafting on paper then doing the second draft on computer was the way to go earlier. Like, i always assumed i "wrote good" at school because it was to take off my mind of the boredom, but i realize it's also just because. it was on paper. it wasn't directly on computer. for some reason directly on computer just Does Not Work for me.

7. What is your favorite story you've written TO COMPLETION? Link it if you'd like and can

It's either Sweet Revenge or The Festival of Fire, both of which i will not link due to being smut. And also Sweet Revenge should get an itch.io publish whenever i can actually finish the goddamn illustrations !

8. What is your favorite out-of-the-box quote?

I had to google what this means and I'm still not sure what it means so I'm guessing it's an out of context quote.

"– I know who you are.

This barely gave Velannen pause.

– A man whose inkpot you just spilled everywhere ?"

Guess 3 sentences is slightly longer than One Quote but eh!

9. Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so and how do you personally feel about their ideals?

Hmm... I don't. Elysia, maybe? How no matter what her goal is, good or bad, she's willing to do Absolutely Anything, the end justify the means, as well as being a general Chaos Agent, that shape her into this. Peculiar lady. Her ideal is to Fucking Murder Dawn [i still am not certain why] because Fuck Dawn in Particular, which is something I agree with, but you know, manipulating everyone around her and forcing them into deeply fucked relationships with her is definitely A Way to go about it.

But I have, like, an array of fucked up characters. The Emperor and his obsession with perfection/perfecting himself vs his unwillingness to change himself and become a better person, instead arguing that everyone has it wrong and he IS perfect already, while deeply hating himself. Dawn and her being convinced that to be perfect, this planet has to abide by HER rules that SHE thought up in SPITE of her job being 'make sure the universe doesn't fold over itself" and not "take over a planet because they have a different system to write down magic'. I realize everyone I mentioned here is from Break of Dawn.

10. If you when you first started writing met you now, what would younger you think?

"YOU WRITE IN ENGLISH FLUENTLY NOW ????"

[mercless]

15 QUESTIONS FOR THE WRITER.

Tagged by: @ionianelder Tagging: i don't wanna bother anyone 👉👈 if you see this and decide to fill it out u can tag me.

1. are you named after anyone? I named myself ;3 it has a lot of influences after I tried a few other names, and I often joke it was based on a certain superhero. It wasn't, of course. It was explicitly after a bird.

2. when was the last time you cried? I teared up watching a clip of a recent political speech from my government about fun real life stuff :/ uhh a good proper cry has been a while though so 👍

3. do you have kids? No. can't see myself being the primary guardian of one in the foreseeable future either. cowabunga.

4. do you use sarcasm a lot? nEvEr 😜 When I'm not being salty or passive-aggressive I like to be very dramatic with my sarcasm and make a bit out of it. I love doing bits.

5. what’s the first thing you notice about people? Their mood. Their body language and what emotion they're outwardly expressing (not in an 'im an empath' way in a trembling dog wearing a yellow jacket way)

6. what’s your eye colour? A greyish hazel? it's hard for me to tell.

7. scary movies or happy endings? Scary movies... with happy endings? <:3c why not both.

8. any special talents? I'm pretty good at guessing a tone by ear? and finding the harmony. I'm also pretty good at visualising/drawing descriptions people give me verbally or written, but maybe that's just my experience rubbing off. uh and if you need a strange little noise I make those all the time. talent 👍

9. where were you born? the same place I've lived all my life.

10. what are your hobbies? Writing, gaming, sewing, & reading. occasionally a video or audio edit for funsies. when im in a good mood I'll sing. I draw for fun as well but it's more of a 'I am trying to make this my main work' thing now. When I had more free time I used to bake (not well). and before my skateboard broke 😔🙏, skateboarding around.

11. have you any pets? Ever since moving out, I have either lived with housemates pets or places that don't allow pets (presently that, plus one of my housemates is allergic to animal hair). I would like to have a cat or rabbit again when I am more capable of caring for one.

12. what sport do you play/have played? I used to be an active little kid before becoming busy and my health ultimately began to decline. out of order I've done gymnastics competitively, tae kwon do, horse riding, ballet, roller hockey, BMX, swimming, surfing, skiing, skateboarding, and LARPing. nowadays I bike casually for transport, and again if my skateboard didn't get wrecked 😔🙏, I'd be on that.

13. how tall are you? 167cm. nearly 5'6"?

14. favourite subject in school? I remember liking problem-solving things like physics and some math stuff until i was too dumb for it. photo editing, other computer things, digital art stuff and arts and crafts was fun, and I wish I practised music more for my orchestra, i was okay but too shy & weird to make friends :'(

15. dream job? had my dream shattered during uni and still haven't recovered with watching the shaky industry 😬👍 plus properly chasing my goals would mean moving away from basically my entire life. we're back to the drawing board atm. (haha it works cause thats a saying and also i do digital art-)

[wolfnanaki]

Nanaki's Late Night Thoughts (2/11/2023)

Ramblings of a trans wolf girl late at night.

When it’s coming to an end, Then why hold back? Why save it for yourself When you have so much to tell?

What is it going to take for me to do the things I actually want to do in my life? I have this weird habit of trying to make everything “just right” before I do anything, and yet it never happens. I have so many story ideas floating around in my head, playing out in my thoughts like an endless movie, and yet I can’t bring these stories to the one format I’m good at producing. I’ll have all these ideas, go home, sit in front of my computer with Word open, and then do nothing. More cycling through YouTube, talking to friends on Discord, browsing Twitter, burning through my finite time in this world instead of following my dreams.

Mom keeps pushing me into getting a Human Resources position because she believes my experience and skills are perfect for the job. She even went as far as to enroll me in a HR certification course, which I succeeded at and got my certificate. But still, I don’t feel like it’s the right job for me, I can’t see myself doing it as a career in five, ten years. I promised myself as a kid I wouldn’t allow myself to waste away at a dull office desk job, that my life would have some fucking MEANING, that I’d reach for the stars and follow my dreams.

I’m enslaved by impulses. Even now as I type this, I had to stop myself from reaching for my phone to play a mobile game. I have to look away from Twitter and other social media platforms that hit my brain in just the right ways that ensure I’m always on them. Looking at and sharing other people’s thoughts is a hell of a lot easier than sharing your own. And there’s always a hot new topic for you to dabble in, just peeking out from the “Trending” tab on the side. Want to see how many people you thought you could trust and respect still follow J.K. Rowling? Want to watch another manmade horror happen live? Want to get swallowed up in stupid debates with loser bitches whose primary goal is to make you upset and haven’t evolved their worldview since they hit puberty? Welcome to Twitter, stay a while and suffer. I’m almost glad Elon Musk is burning it to the ground, though I wonder where all the worst people in the world will go once their stomping grounds are gone.

It’s too late now anyway, So when you feel you have something to say, Why save it for yourself? Don't let those you love get away.

A few minutes before I started writing this, when I went downstairs to make myself a sandwich, I felt my foot bump into something on the floor in the darkness. It was my dog’s chew toy. It’s always in our walking path at night for some reason, and I always move it out of the way because I worry that one day, mom isn’t going to see it and will trip over it. When I started toasting my bread, the toaster started smoking, and I turned it off to look inside. My older brother has a habit of toasting a sandwich for himself every night, and he uses the toaster to reheat leftover pizza too. Whichever the case may be, there’s now a hardened black blob of cheese at the bottom part of the toaster that’s supposed to cook the food. I hope he recognizes his mistake and fixes it, otherwise I’ll have to do it for him.

Ever since I lost my job, I’ve noticed little things like that around the house, but especially in the kitchen. No matter how much you sweep, no matter how many hours you devote to cleaning the place, there’s always something dirty to it. You always feel crumbs under your toes. It makes the whole process feel pointless. I don’t get why mom puts so much effort into cleaning it when it’s always dirty anyway. Maybe one day it can be clean for real, probably the day we move out and spruce this place up.

Mom wants to move up to Jacksonville – or at least near it – since my youngest brother and his girlfriend just moved there. I’m surprised at the trajectory of my brother’s life. He traveled the world, taught English in China, started online businesses for selling tat and books, started dating a girl, and now they’ve moved in together. His girlfriend has a daughter who happily calls my brother her dad. He's 28. I’m 32 and I haven’t even been on a date. But it’s hard to compare myself with him in that way; he’s always been comfortable with who he is and how he presents himself, whereas I’m a trans woman trying to find her body, her comfort and her happiness. I don’t think I can truly open up with a romantic partner if I don’t know for sure how they’ll take me being trans, especially considering the way I look right now. I can’t “pass” the way I am, I haven’t done much vocal training, and I live in an anti-trans state. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t keep trying to live as my most authentic self.

Authenticity – my job, my gender identity, my dreams, my personality. It’s all exhausting but it’s a journey I must face head-on. If I don’t define myself for myself, it’ll be other people who define me for me. And I’ve given years of my life to other people who didn’t have my best interests at heart, who used and discarded me. That’s not who I want to be. Maybe that’s why I’m so hesitant to settle into a Human Resources career. I don’t want to live a life as another person’s lackey. And I don’t dream of labor. I just want to write my stories and life as my true self for the world to see.

And this time there won’t be another day, And now I know This is the only way. And when we go...

Back in December, I listened to a song. It’s called “Constellations,” performed by Dabu and sung by Brigitte Naggar, composed for the soundtrack for an upcoming indie game called Goodbye Volcano High. The game’s story is about anthropomorphic dinosaur teenagers in their senior year of high school having their lives being interrupted with the revelation that a comet is on its way to strike the planet and wipe out the dinosaurs. The player character is a nonbinary pterodactyl named Fang, who must figure out what they’re going to do with their remaining time. The game is billed as “the end of an era and the beginning of a love story.”

The song “Constellations” hit hard for me; its lyrics encapsulated so many of my feelings, trans and otherwise. It’s a beautiful and heartfelt song, but when I listened to it in full for the first time in full that cold night, I couldn’t handle all those feelings at once. I was overwhelmed. I was a sobbing mess for ten minutes. It hurt, but it was also cathartic in a way. I shared those feelings that night in posts, not for attention or anything, but because I desperately needed to share them in case they reach the eyes for someone else going through what I’m going through, and maybe it’ll help them knowing they’re not alone, that someone else has felt their feelings and is healing.

It was that night, influenced by the song’s lyrics, that I came up with a personal motto, one I have now posted on as many platforms that allows for it:

“When the world is ruled by hate, rebel with love.”

So many of our online interactions are defined by hate, outrage, disgust, contempt. No platform is truly safe from that influence because when we feel those feelings, they’re incredibly strong and we NEED to vent them. We spend our time arguing with each other over the most petty things, leave feeling miserable, and then prep ourselves for when we’ll do it all over again. And frankly, I realized that night that I don’t want to fall into that trap anymore. I want to live a life celebrating good, influenced by love and compassion. Because love is so much stronger than hate. Love yourself enough and you can overcome anything. Love strong enough and you can change the world. And when so much of our daily lives are defined by hate, showing true, honest love becomes a form of rebellion.

Right now, I have many parts of myself that paint me as a target for hate. I’m Jewish when antisemitism is on the rise, I’m a transgender woman when anti-trans bills are being passed across the USA, and being a furry, I’m part of a big, openly queer space that’s now also under attack by the political right. I am surrounded by hate, and if I’m not careful, hate will be my end. But that’s even more reason to love. I don’t plan on being a martyr or anything, but I let the hate and fear of other people control my life, then just like when I’m boymoding, I’m not living as my true self.

I’m a trans woman, I’m proud, I’m full of love, and I want to make the world a better place. Whatever dreams or achievements I accomplish before I’m gone, that’s one legacy I want to leave behind. And I hope my words reach people who need them, who find comfort in them, and who come to choose to live a life of compassion and love. We only get so much time in this world, let’s make it worthwhile.

You can see it in the constellations. It spells our legacy above. There was love, there will always be love.

[katethebat]

Have you ever wondered why aliens never contacted us? Were we really the only ones in the universe? Maybe you've heard of this theory about advanced societies, how they'll create weapons and technologies that will inevitably lead to self-destruction, thus making impossible for them to meet similar or more advanced beings. We ruled out such hypothesis, humans made it this far, with all our flaws and wars; Why couldn't others?

That's why hope spread and we celebrate with all world saying "we are not alone!" when the newly formed UNCASE (United Nations Coordinated Alliance for Space Exploration) announced the discovery of alien structures outside our system. Now I'm here, on the first crewed ship to land on EP-2183, or 'Terra Dois' , a place that exhales desolation— in a way I've only felt in nuclear disasters sites.

"Captain, the scanners indicates no living creature other than local vegetation" the chief engineer says.

All drones are equipped with the same type of scanning devices, Earth operators must have known this... Why wouldn't they warned us?

"Mission hasn't changed. I'll take a small team to explore nearby buildings. Chief, you'll stay in charge of the ship." I say "Officers Williams, Dias, and Taylor you're coming with me. Full Explorer's gear. Understood?"

"Yes,ma'am" all three reply.

It takes our team a few minutes to get to the first building. A place of simple architecture, something close to 20th century utilitarian architecture. Nature claiming back the concrete, or concrete-like, walls. Initial feeling of uneasiness had only grew within me, you know when they say you can feel the horrors a place has seen, that is certainly true here.

"Depending on the tech and materials used, these walls could've hide their heating emissions from our scanners" Williams states.

"Our primary goal is establishing contact. Don't, under any circumstances, fire first."

The first thing I noticed as we enter the building is their power source must be a really good one. Everything seems to be working, lighting, automated doors, monitors. The main hall looks like it once was a beautiful library, only a handful of books in the shelves. When I grabbed one a note fell.

"Once the three moons were free/ When they stood beyond our greed/ Now we've reached the space/ Only to conquer what we've gazed/ The first divided to sell/ The second no tales tell/ The third in the great war fell" A voice echoes through the chamber, what I assumed was a translation of a poem in the note I now hold in my hands.

"Show yourself. Following the First Contact Code sanctioned in 2089 we attempt peaceful contact with extraterrestrial being, but if attacked we'll use lethal force"

"We're flesh and blood. Only memories, knowledge. We've learned your language from the machines you brought to our world."

"What are you?"

"Memories."

"You've said that, but memories do not speak."

"We are what your species call an Artificial Intelligence. A remnant of an old civilization."

We left our system, our home, aching for something to ease our loneliness only to be met with ruins. We were a little too late, arriving just in time to see the dust of an already moving train.

"But, where are you? Where are they?"

"We are here. This is our core. Everything in here is a part of us, we are its keepers, preserving History within our database. As for our creators, they no longer exist. War took everything from them, who they were, their beliefs, communities, land, their future, and, in the end, their souls. We preserve what they created, but their ultimate legacy was destruction."

If they were capable of creating so much, how could they not find a solution to conflicts. Humans didn't end all world's problems, but we managed to maintain civility. We've made alliances and treaties; yes, we fought three world wars, we also survived them, and grew stronger.

"Is there anything outside this system?"

"We don't know. Creators didn't reach beyond here."

Could we— Could we be the only specie to not destroy itself during conflicts? Was Humanity destined to be alone?

"Has anyone else made contact?"

"No."

When humanity enters the galactic stage we find that our history of violence is quite unusual, but not because we wreaked unimaginable death and destruction upon each other, but rather because we stopped eventually.

[l3vi4than]

Yours was the only reblog on that australian voting post that had any empathy or insight, so thank you. One addition though, us polling locations at least on official voting days are packed with hundreds of people all day long so I don't think showing up in a group would disrupt much for us, lol.

Oh, wow, you're welcome! And thank you, too, for that addition! I'm not familiar much with US elections, so I can only share the experience I've witnessed in eastern europe (mainly Ukraine, Russia and Belarus)

But yeah, I get what you mean. Disruption is not the primary goal, though. It is more about meeting people who share the same beliefs/opinions and getting this reassurance that you are not alone in this

What I tried to refer to with this was the most recent "Noon against Putin" event this year that didn't do any damage and was completely legal (people just went to their local points to vote). Still, it caused such a hysterical response from the pro-regime media that it was very clear that the government is horrified by even a thought that people might get about how small the real support of the regime is. It was a small but delightful cheer-up on that dark day, especially for the people in small regional towns/villages. It was especially impressive to watch people getting arrested only for arriving at the voting place at noon. Nothing highlights the regime's desperation better than absolutely ridiculous acts of violence

But you're right. This might not make any sense in the context of a different country/culture. But maybe the idea itself might still be useful if applied in a slightly different manner, adjusted for your national specifics? Or not, I don't know. I wish there was an objectively good answer to "what to do," but unfortunately, there really isn't 😭

Sending you love and support, the stress of upcoming elections is the most fucked up bullshit ever. Feeling like refusing to participate in this circus is quite a natural response i believe. If only it could do more good than harm

[suttttton]

i started learning french, which will be my third language after english and arabic, and after 5 years of studying arabic i am FLOORED by how easy this language is