#(it’s called emotional suppression)
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That art with sexpollen Pompep is just <3
All fandoms need some sexpollen fics
#asks#(art in source link)#sex pollen#it just brings a certain... 𝖘𝖕𝖎𝖈𝖎𝖓𝖊𝖘𝖘 to things#suppressed emotions? struggling to admit your feelings? call 1-800-FER-MOAN today#or visit your local eldritch horticulturist#(if you can't get free range sex pollen from the far reaches of the paranormal dimension store-bought is fine)
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Midoriya: *exists*
Bakugou: *emotions act up*
#i swear izuku could be standing there and katsuki goes into a crisis like omg is this anger sadness affection regret#GET IT TOGETHER!!#and people call izuku the emotional one#he is but at least he doesn't suppress his emotions... until now 😭#bnha#mha#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#just kiya's thoughts#midoriya izuku#bakugou katsuki#deku#kacchan#bkdk#bakudeku#💚🐇👊#🧡💣💥
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Accidentally found myself working on two mp100 fics at the same time
#shit fuck shit fuck#mp100#mob psycho 100#THEY MADE ME DO THIS YO PERREO SOLAA SOMEBODY KILL MEE#hey matt came all this way had to explain direct from domingo#one of them is silly Kageyama sibling shenanigans like typical annoying siblings#it was supposed to be something dumb that i wanted to write while taking a break from my super angsty main fic#but the plot might thicken#as for my angsty fic it covers avoidant attachments running away capitalism and pining as usual#uhm yeah idk i just want to write about mp100 is it such a crime#i am projecting in my main fic just letting yall know but ykw many ppl have written something similar for shou#oopsies#yes shou#and also ritsu the one who burdens my projections in that fic cuz y not#ay pero no invaten pinches come solos#i also realized im supressing my emotions omg so mob kinnie twinning no srsly its a problem im suppressing memories too#so suddenly.im sad and then im like why am i sad and then i realize a few hours or days later oh yeah thats why im sad#like its a problem and uh yeah im so chill cuz im suppressing how do i not do that#party tomorrow tho!! 🎉 so i unsupress on monday cuz tomorrow is Saturday and i will be hungover sunday so monday i start#and Monday im calling off work cuz holy shit Thursday was not my day at work tho there were good things from that day#in neeEeEEw york cityyY#mob psycho
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(wondering to herself what unites her diverse music taste)--oh: upbeat rhythm, depressing lyrics
yes I am taking recs
#brought to you by some imbecile calling “take a walk” by passion pit a happy song#....it's about failing the american dream in the wake of an economic crash...#and the constraints of suburbia#and the suppression of male emotions#happiness where??#personal
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okay no but thinking about ritsu with tourette’s, right? and this boy is like… the king of suppression because he feels like he needs to be the perfect student and son and all that jazz and he’s also so embarrassed by the fact that he can’t control his body. so he suppresses like there’s no tomorrow and it hurts so much but he does it anyways. he lets himself tic at home, but even then he’s so used to suppression he forces it to be mild so his family thinks it’s better than it is. he lets loose more in his room by himself, but even then he sometimes has trouble doing it. he frequently has tic attacks in his room:/
anyways so let’s say one day mob and reigen and serizawa and teru and tome and shou and dimple are all at spirits and such, right? and like ritsu has student council stuff or something idk anyways and serizawa asks reigen where he gets his fidget toys because one of his classmates has ts and has been searching but can’t find any they like. and before reigen can respond, mob speaks up and is like “oh you should ask ritsu” and everyone just. stares at him because reigen has like a box of fidget toys in his office and an individual stress ball for each person and ritsu has quite literally never used them. and they’re like “why?” so mob is like “he has some fidget toys in his room—he doesn’t really take them places. i don’t know why he doesn’t. they really help his ts”. and everyone just stares x2
so eventually, reigen is like “ritsu has ts???” and mob just cocks his head and says “yes??? did you guys not know this?” and absolutely NONE of them knew he had ts because ritsu is THAT good at suppressing and if he’s in a position where he can’t suppress, he finds a way to leave so he’s alone. and like mob didn’t fully realize that ritsu was suppressing because he lives with ritsu and sometimes hears it from his room and sees it at dinner and he notices the little signs that other people don’t see unless they know and he’s like “you… really didn’t know??? does he not tic around you guys?” and then everyone comes to the realization that ritsu is HARDCORE suppressing
anyways i think it’d be sweet if reigen sat down and talked with him and ritsu is super stand-offish at first and snappy and then reigen says something like “we’d rather have you as you are—you don’t need to try to be the perfect ritsu because you’re already the perfect ritsu” or something along those lines. and ritsu starts having a breakdown and like it takes awhile for him to be comfortable ticcing in public. he starts small with the spirits and such gang and then slowly lets it happen during school and stuff and everyone is just. so proud of him. he’s less tense all the time and it helps him be more vocal about when he’s in pain and needs help and he starts to actually use his fidget toys and. yeah. feelings.
#oops this got longer than i intended uhhhhhhh#anyways i just think he has ts#he told me personally#and i just think that ritsu slowly becoming comfortable enough with everyone around him to simply BE himself and like him realizing that he#he isn't embarrassing to be around and that just having ts isn't embarrassing and just like. reigen giving him massages for free and teru#finding fun kt tape for him to use and shou giving heated massages and serizawa picking up fidget toys he thinks ritsu would like and tome#and tome and dimple just supporting him and calling him out if he's being all broody and self-deprecating about it (in a Good way not mean#way) and then mob sitting him down and having a serious talk about emotions and pain and suppressing with him and how he shouldn't do that#anymore and he wouldn't want mob to suppress if it were him and that he has nothing to be ashamed of because he's fine as he is and mob#loves each and every part of him and. AHUGFXDGCHJKLNBHVGFDCSVBGHJTGFDCSDXVFBGHNJKHYGTFDVCBGVNHBJKLJUYJTFCDGVBHJKUYTFRDFXCGVHUJYTFRDFXCGVHBJK#i just. have feelings.#and if anyone is ever mean to ritsu about his ts he's got like the whole spirits and such gang on his side and also the awakening lab kids#and the ex-claw members and the mob recruits the body improvement club to look intimidating and the telepathy club and just#🥺🥺🥺#it's about ritsu learning to love himself and to not find who he is embarrassing and not putting on a front because he feels like he has to#ahem#i am. fine.#sO ANYWAYS THANKS IF YOU ACTUALLY MANAGED TO READ ALL THIS IUYGTFDXFGCHUIJOMNUBYVTFG DCGVBHNJMK#mp100#ritsu kageyama#ritsu with tourette's
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one thing i just do not fucking get is the difference between "regulating emotions" and "suppressing emotions" i cannot get my head around how those are different. like if im sad and then i go "well im not going to be sad anymore" that's "dissociating" and "suppressing healthy emotions" but if im sad and im like "well im going to cry until i actually pass out" that's "not healthy" and it's BAD to suppress emotions but it's ALSO BAD to get super upset so WHAT IS THE SECRET THIRD THING cuz i do not fucking get it. "feel your feelings But not that way that's not healthy feel your feelings but less than that" ???????
#text#IT'S DRIVING ME UP A WALL IVE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT FOR MOTNHS#LIKE????? is it like. like is this a me problem is this just me having feelings that are too big#like do other people just.. like for other people does 'feel your feelings' just mean like. feel sad for a while and then stop. cuz i cant#do that i dont get normal sad i get chest pain and think about killing my self for hours on end .is that the problem#like okay if i trip down the stairs and break my leg. im going to cry and go to the hospital. suppressing that would be just using my#broken leg anyway and ignoring it. would regulating it not also be Crying and going to the hospital. would regulating it be like.. putting#a bandaid on it or something is it like.. a middle ground . i do not fucking get it#like okay if i trip down the stairs and i scrape my knee and then i call an ambulance i see how thats not the right response . and i guess#regulating there would be like. calming down thinking things thru and choosing a less drastic solution like a bandaid. i get it#in that situation. but if ive ACTUALLY BROKEN MY LEG. then that would just be the first thing again essentially#but when i put that back into. real world not metaphor world. like. i dont get it again#because if theres not like. an obvious reason for however i feel how am i supposed to judge if im calling an ambulance for a scraped knee#ALSO I THOUGHT THERE 'ARENT ANY WRONG EMOTIONS' WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT -_-#okay no okay it's like. if i trip down the stairs and i skin my knee i dont have to call an ambulance. but if several times a day i fall d#down the stairs and skin my knee in that exact spot and now i can see bone. SHOULD I NOT CALL AN AMBULANCE?#cuz its not just one thing thats upsetting me most of the time it's a combination of a bunch of things and then like one extra upsetting#thing added on top of that. which would necessitate an ambulance. does this make sense#THIS IS GETTING ME NOWHERE IM STILL JUST AS CONFUSED AS I WAS BEFORE I STARTED TYPING. i need 2 remember 2 ask my therapist#what the fuck ''feel your feelings'' means and how it can coexist with ''regulating feelings'' or whatever cuz i feel like im missing smth#NIK OUT ! PEACE ! ✌️
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like is there a word for "romance is NOT for me oh my GOD it's such a bad idea for the way my brain is built, BUT HOWEVER not every part of my brain has gotten the memo about this and nature still thinks it's funny to kneecap me with a crush every now and then."
#trying to find resources or stories about like. how to COPE when this happens#how to honor the way i feel without suppressing it but also without feeling the need to turn it into a romantic pursuit#also i know labels as strict boxes are only worth thinking about as long as they are helpful#and “im aromantic” is easier to say than “i have a complicated relationship with romance and a lot of emotional baggage and”#well i never feel justified using the word trauma especially because a lot of it was my own doing but#yes a lot of trauma i guess!#anyway#i still have this fear that calling myself aromantic is just a cheat to get away with not wanting to put in the work it would take to build#a real functioning romantic relationship#like is it cowardly of me to say “i am not gonna push my relationships past a certain point with people”. like am i depriving myself of#something i will miss?#sometimes it feels that way#but also#some of my strongest friendships are with people i actively chose not to romance#and i love those people and i am so glad to be friends with them#whereas the people i was most romantically involved with are now invariably bitter strangers#i don't want that. i don't want that with any more people i love#BUT. I DO WISH TO HOLD HANDS!!!!!!!#MY GOD A BITCH IS TOUCH STARVED
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STILL ARGUE LIKE MY MOTHER AND SUPPRESS STUFF LIKE MY DAD
#maisie Peters#the woman that you are#this line made my ears perk up like you called my name#I mean the latter part for me would be suppress stuff like my (step) dad but the point still stands#he’s a Capricorn like me so the emotional suppression is just a given#go stream#the good witch
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listening to the only good indians. excellent so far. crisp, careful prose that’s nonetheless companionable. the narrator is also fantastic.
#i’m less than a chapter in#loving it so far#has a similar cold and distant feel to some of the cinematography of brokeback mountain#but again. still companionable.#almost had my harry styles ‘this movie feels like a movie’ moment bc i was trying to describe the vibes of the prose#and landed on ‘like someone telling you a story’ which yes. it is in fact that#it’s a book. being narrated to me aloud.#i was trying to convey that it feels (this far) like it’s someone trying to tell you a story without showing you their hand without#basically calling it stoic.#odhran.txt#it’s like someone trying to tell you a story without crying i guess?#there’s strong emotion right underneath that’s being suppressed by casual address and. not jokes. but like. ‘white boys can move’#the only good indians
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smh fics give me this false hope that someone might love me even while knowing all my baggage. so unrealistic. not fair.
#not to vent on main but i am very much unfit for first choice type of love#as in. people love me just fine. but I'm no one's favorite. at least not to those who know me#and that's fine. it's better than being unloved. it's just a bit depressing#as soon as someone sees me express genuine emotions without 700 layers of suppression it's over 👌#(well. maybe suppression isn't the exact right word. i just call it masks)#so i just 👌 don't do it 👌 ever 👌#it's fine. it's okay. no true self is lovable. we all gotta compromise in order to be loved. that's just life (<- so depressed)#tumblr let me make this post unrebloggable challenge
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Tonight was nice :)
#we ended up watching nightmare before christmas plus the first evil dead and a musical called ride the cyclone#it's so nice to be able to watch a movie with someone as a natural version of myself#like we can talk to each other and to the characters and everything and just#it's really nice#i new that i was suppressing myself a lot w my ex but with how long we were together and how long I'd been doing it i didn't realize how#much it was hurting me#and much mental and emotional energy that it took out of me#like I feel energized after hanging around w Laci#i really really want my ex to be gone so I can finally move on from this shitty normal of mine
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this post is not gonna be well put together but i am having feelings
mean girls is trending right now because the musical movie just came out and i feel insane. idk why i do, it was stupid of me to think that most people Got It, no one ever gets it, it was always about the memes and the aesthetic.
the first mean girls movie was based on a nonfiction book called queen bees and wannabes. it interviewed and discussed the social hierarchy system in teen girl friendships. how they hold each other to these insane standards of heternormative femininity out of sheer terror that they won't meet those standards themselves. the way they leverage their relationships for some small degree of power in a world designed to strip them of it, even if it drags other girls down.
the "you can only wear your hair in a ponytail once a week and on wednesdays we wear pink" speech was not an original creation for the script. it's a QUOTE from a real teenage girl. those were REAL RULES.
then the musical came, and it was one step removed from the intended messaging of the film. OG mean girls was not perfect (and was extremely racist), but it said what needed said. the musical leaned on the comedy more, but still left a heartfelt undertone, and still critiqued the systems in place. of course no piece of media is going to be perfect, but it was about the conversation.
then this new movie comes out and it is washed over in the veneer of white hollywood feminism so thick you can't see anymore. the problematic aspects of the original movie are taken out to avoid "offending" when the offense was the point. it becomes toothless, it becomes some other thing entirely. they changed karen's line "i expect to run the world in shoes i cannot walk in" to "watch me as i run the world in shoes i cannot walk in." because choice feminism is in vogue, suddenly this character whose entire point is that she doesn't think deeply about WHY she does anything is suddenly hip to the fact that the world is against her.
i think of sokka losing his misogyny arc in the new atla. i think of the Heathers remake casting the bitchy, identical heathers as queer and hollywood-fat outcasts. as if the story, the meaning, the allegory is hidden in the sets and the jokes and the music. it's a whole new thing now, and it's a thing that means nothing in particular.
the plastics should not wear jeans. they should not have curves. their queerness should be suppressed, painful. their sexuality is not a slay, it's the only thing they think they have of value. the santa dance isn't sexy, it's shocking, it's mortifying - they are children.
they're not mean because "we are all mean." they are mean because they are girls in a world that brutalizes them and crushes them into a standardized shape. they are mean because the world is mean to them. they are mean because it gives them some power back. they are mean because it's the only weapon they have.
the landscape of femininity today has shifted to camera-ready makeup at the age of 10, stringent performative hygiene standards, and avoiding being caught on film while having a genuine emotion. the consumerism, the fatphobia, the racism, the classism, the homophobia remain. We could have had a conversation about that.
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27 37 40
27. "any nicknames"? Yep!
37. "share a secret" A secret? Well, it's a secret that I have many secrets . . .
40. "any bad habits?" plenty of them!
#teehee#error-404-gender-not-found#asks#no but i have a few nicknames#you call me fish others call me B and a few others outside of that but outside of those i dont usually tolerate them much irl#probably has something to do with not loving my legal name#a secret i have . . . uhm. you pretty much know all of my major secrets? so none are coming to mind rn#and for bad habits . . . we'll be here all day if i list them all but my main offences are picking at my nails (NOT biting)#touching my face and picking at my skin in general#also suppressing all my emotions until i die but who doesnt do that one
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Hmm.
#hmm#hmmmm#just had a conversation that i have not fully processed yet#which i am currently not feeling any emotions about which canNOT be right#there have gotta be emotions there but i WOULD believe that they are very very very very firmly suppressed#i do think my brain is kind of doing a meta world tilt shift thing right now that may not be perceptible to the mind's eye#kind of like how if the earth itself started slowing down in its rotation it might be hard to tell what the fuck was happening#you see. in the year of our lord 2016 i went through the worst shittiest most devastating breakup of my life#which left me in what we'll just call a Poor Mental State through much of 2017#and which i only finally clawed out of when i realized i had to stop exposing myself to contact with the ex by unfriending/blocking#which. very healthy choice. should've done that much sooner and i recommend it to anyone in a similar situation#anyway#the crisis dragged on for longer than it should have because ex and i were still trying to be friends when we really really should've. not#we kept driving each other crazy and i was still in love with the guy even though. HAHAHAHAHAHA SHITTY BREAKUP.#so basically my brain was in a constant state of 'i need him to care about me' butting up against 'i am terrified that he doesn't' and#of course that second one became self-fulfilling because i was annoying the shit out of him#crisis finally hit an inflection point when i got it through my head that i just had to accept that i might never be friends with him#that i was gonna have to stop talking to him and let it go#and for the rest of my life assume friendship was not a viable option#and that is how i lived for six years#and he moved to Colorado and got married#and i tried to date some people and hooked up with some others#and that brings us to today#when someone walked up to me at a wedding and said 'oh are you drake? i'm M's friend! didn't you two like date or something?'#🙃#okay TO BE CONTINUED bc apparently there's a tag limit did you know that? I've never hit 30 tags before. ok one sec
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.
#tag talk#watched “it follows” and I shouldn't have. didn't know it was horror going in but after a few minutes I did and I should have stopped#I'm apparently still not 100% past self-terrifying as a form of self harm. I knew I shouldn't have and I kept watching anyway#you know. most people don't know what terror is. they know fear. they know worry. they know anxiety.#terror is something different. I wish I could describe it but you really only know it when you have felt it.#that freezing up of your body. I guess some people get terror in different ways though. I freeze. others fight or flight. I just freeze.#that sense of helpless anticipation as you experience the certainty that the object of your terror is approaching. inevitably.#why fight it? you fucking can't. no matter what you do it'll always get you. it's stronger. more powerful.#hmmm. csa moment oops. I am tempted to make a joke here but I don't want to deflect from my issues.#I have trauma and I wish I didn't. I have hurt that I don't even consciously remember but my body does.#I do not have emotional trauma in the way that people have survivors guilt and feeling like it was their fault. any of those surface emotion#not calling it shallow. but like. it's like when you don't look at the needle and you don't even notice the skin prick but you feel it#you feel it hit your vein and you feel that deep body response that Something Is Not Right.#like when I got my wisdom teeth pulled and I elected to not go under for it so I was numbed but conscious for it.#part way through my body started uncontrollably shaking (well. sort of controlled. I'm good at that).#I didn't feel the pain. I wasn't afraid. but my body was feeling objective physical trauma and I had the response anyway.#I don't remember really. I don't have the surface level pain responses to the trauma.#but deep down my body knows something is wrong and I can't stop my bones from shaking even though I don't feel the pain.#hmmm. I should talk to my next therapist about this.#Lear chased off our last therapist when I was having my dissociative week after watching The Hunt.#which. tbh good riddance she was not equipped to handle us in the slightest. and we're talking to our friend/gf(?) again which is really nic#she and Lear had a few solid conversations too. which was funky cause before he snapped he didn't want anything to do with her#but we kinda had a moment where he realized he's just as fucked up as I am just differently.#anyone reading these tag talks might remember so I won't go over it again.#anyway. I'm not sleeping tonight. I think I should start taking the full pill instead of just the half. but it's just suppressing symptoms#I'm acting up because of my inner state. or maybe my inner state is tumultuous because of my outer condition? idfk#either way I'm suffering over here#not a sui risk but damn#I'm gonna finish patching the pair of pants I've been not working on for the past months
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just came on my perioooooood. experiencing inner turmoil invalidly
#jks#thats the thing tho when things bother me the week before i come on to the point that i like have a breakdown#and then the day after i come on my period#i immediately feel guilty like i shouldnt have felt that way usually#but this month im saying so what lol#i hate living with my family because my mum manipulates us all into hating each other#and my younger sister hasn't realised the extent of the abuse yet#so she still takes all her stresses out on me lol#she used to call me arnie from whats eating gilbert grape#rlly bothered me but i didn't really realise until recently bc im so used to suppressing my own emotions for other people's comfort#tbf she was there for me when we worked together i think because we had a different context#but it didnt last apparently#and shes so young like#im trying not to take things personally but also cant be a punching bag lol#like im not the parent here#im so paranoid about being a childish adult tho#because my parents are so childish#aahhhh i just wanna move out#visiting my boyfriend tho this weekend and got a gig#and a job interview tomorrow#and seeing my sister today#and on my period and i fucking love being on my period lol#connects me to my body#still reminds me im at the mercy of my body and i am my body#i also hate being on my period bc of the turmoil hahaha#anyway. breakfast time
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