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qwertyprophecy · 4 days ago

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Mortholme Post-Mortem

The Dark Queen of Mortholme has been out for two weeks, and I've just been given an excellent excuse to write some more about its creation by a lenghty anonymous ask.

Under the cut, hindsight on the year spent making Mortholme and answers to questions about game dev, grouped under the following topics:

Time spent on development Programming Obstacles Godot Animation Pixel art Environment assets Writing Completion Release

Regarding time spent on development

Nope, I’ve got no idea anymore how long I spent on Mortholme. It took a year but during that time I worked on like two other games and whatever else. And although I started with the art, I worked on all parts simultaneously to avoid getting bored. This is what I can say:

Art took a ridiculous amount of time, but that was by choice (or compulsion, one might say). I get very excitable and particular about it. At most I was making about one or two Hero animations in a day (for a total of 8 + upgraded versions), but anything involving the Queen took multiple times longer. When I made the excecutive decision that her final form was going to have a bazillion tentacles I gave up on scheduling altogether.

Coding went quickly at the start when I was knocking out a feature after another, until it became the ultimate slow-burn hurdle at the end. Testing, bugfixing, and playing Jenga with increasingly unwieldy code kept oozing from one week to the next. For months, probably? My memory’s shot but I have a mark on my calendar on the 18th of August that says “Mortholme done”. Must’ve been some optimistic deadline before the ooze.

Writing happened in extremely productive week-long bursts followed by nothing but nitpicky editing while I focused on other stuff. Winner in the “changed most often” category, for sure.

Sound was straightforward, after finishing a new set of animations I spent a day or two to record and edit SFX for them. Music I originally scheduled two weeks for, but hubris and desire for more variants bumped it to like a month.

Regarding programming

The Hero AI is certainly the part that I spent most of my coding time on. The basic way the guaranteed dodging works is that all the Queen’s attacks send a signal to the Hero, who calculates a “danger zone” based on the type of attack and the Queen’s location. Then, if the Hero is able to dodge that particular attack (a probability based on how much it's been used & story progression), they run a function to dodge it.

Each attack has its own algorithm that produces the best safe target position to go to based on the Hero’s current position (and other necessary actions like jumping). Those algorithms needed a whole lot of testing to code counters for all the scenarios that might trip the Hero up.

The easiest or at least most fun parts for me to code are the extra bells and whistles that aren’t critical but add flair. Like in the Hero’s case, the little touches that make them seem more human: a reaction speed delay that increases over time, random motions and overcompensation that decrease as they gain focus, late-game Hero taking prioritising aggressive positiniong, a “wait for last second” function that lets the Hero calculate how long it’ll take them to move to safety and use the information to squeeze an extra attack in…

The hardest attack was the magic circle, as it introduced a problem in my code so far. The second flare can overlap with other attacks, meaning the Hero had to keep track of two danger zones at once. For a brief time I wanted to create a whole new system that would constantly update a map of all current danger zones—that would allow for any number of overlapping attacks, which would be really cool! Unfortunately it didn’t gel with my existing code, and I couldn’t figure out its multitudes of problems since, well…

Regarding obstacles

Thing is, I’m hot garbage as a programmer. My game dev’s all self-taught nonsense. So after a week of failing to get this cool system to work, I scrapped it and instead made a spaghetti code monstrosity that made magic circle run on a separate danger zone, and decided I’d make no more overlapping attacks. That’s easy; I just had to buffer the timing of the animation locks so that the Hero would always have time to move away. (I still wanted to keep the magic circle, since it’s fun for the player to try and trick the Hero with it.)

There’s my least pretty yet practical solo dev advice: if you get stuck because you can’t do something, you can certainly try to learn how to do it, but occasionally the only way to finish a project within a decade to work around those parts and let them be a bit crap.

I’m happy to use design trickery, writing and art to cover for my coding skills. Like, despite the anonymous asker’s description, the Hero’s dodging is actually far from perfect. I knew there was no way it was ever going to be, which is why I wrote special dialogue to account for a player finding an exploit that breaks the intended gameplay. (And indeed, when the game was launched, someone immediately found it!)

Regarding Godot

It’s lovely! I switched from Unity years ago and it’s so much simpler and more considerate of 2D games. The way its node system emphasises modularity has improved my coding a lot.

New users should be aware that a lot of tutorials and advice you find online may be for Godot 3. If something doesn’t work, search for what the Godot 4 equivalent is.

Regarding animation

I’m a professional animator, so my list of tips and techniques is a tad long… I’ll just give a few resource recommendations: read up on the classic 12 principles of animation (or the The Illusion of Life, if you’d like the whole book) and test each out for yourself. Not every animation needs all of these principles, but basically every time you’ll be looking at an animation and wondering how to make it better, the answer will be in paying attention to one or more of them.

Game animation is its own beast, and different genres have their own needs. I’d recommend studying animations that do what you’d like to do, frame by frame. If you’re unsure of how exactly to analyse animation for its techniques, youtube channel New Frame Plus shows an excellent example.

Oh, and film yourself some references! The Queen demanded so much pretend mace swinging that it broke my hoover.

Regarding pixel art

The pixel art style was picked for two reasons: 1. to evoke a retro game feel to emphasise the meta nature of the narrative, and 2. because it’s faster and more forgiving to animate in than any of my other options.

At the very start I was into the idea of doing a painterly style—Hollow Knight was my first soulslike—but quickly realised that I’d either have to spend hundreds of hours animating the characters, or design them in a simplistic way that I deemed too cutesy for this particular game. (Hollow Knight style, one day I’d love to emulate you…)

I don’t use a dedicated program, just Photoshop for everything like a chump. Pixel art doesn’t need anything fancy, although I’m sure specialist programs will keep it nice and simple.

Pixel art’s funny; its limitations make it dependent on symbolism, shortcuts and viewer interpretation. You could search for some tutorials on basic principles (like avoiding “jaggies” or the importance of contrast), but ultimately you’ll simply want to get a start in it to find your own confidence in it. I began dabbling years ago by asking for character requests on Tumblr and doodling them in pixels in whatever way I could think of.

Regarding environment assets

The Queen’s throne room consists of two main sprites—one background and one separate bit of the door for the Hero disappear behind—and then about fifty more for the lighting setup. There’s six different candle animations, there’s lines on the floor that need to go on top of character reflections, all the candle circles and lit objects are separated so that the candles can be extinguished asynchronously; and then there’s purple phase 2 versions of all of the above.

This is all rather dumb. There’s simpler ways in Godot to do 2D lighting with shaders and a built-in system (I use those too), but I wanted control over the exact colours so I just drew everything in Photoshop the way I wanted it. Still, it highlights how mostly you only need a single background asset and separated foreground objects; except if you need animated objects or stuff that needs to change while the game’s running, you’ll get a whole bunch more.

I wholeheartedly applaud having a go at making your own game art, even if you don’t have any art background! The potential for cohesion in all aspects of design—art, game, narrative, sound—is at the heart of why video games are such an exciting medium!

Regarding writing

Finding the voices of the Queen and the Hero was the quick part of the process. They figured that out they are almost as soon as writing started. I’d been mulling this game over in my mind for so long, I had already a specific idea in mind of what the two of them stood for, conceptually and thematically. When they started bantering, I felt like all I really had to do was to guide it along the storyline, and then polish.

What ended up taking so long was that there was too much for them to say for how short the game needed to be to not feel overstretched. Since I’d decided to go with two dialogue options on my linear story, it at least gave me twice the amount of dialogue that I got to write, but it wasn’t enough!

The first large-scale rewrite was me going over the first draft and squeezing in more interesting things for the Queen and the Hero to discuss, more branching paths and booleans. There was this whole thing where the player’s their dialogue choices over multiple conversations would lead them to about four alternate interpretations of why the Queen is the way she is. This was around the time I happened to finally play Disco Elysium, so of course I also decided to also add a ton of microreactivity (ie. small changes in dialogue that acknowledge earlier player choices) to cram in even more alternate dialogue. I spent ages tinkering with the exact nuances till I was real proud of it.

Right until the playtesters of this convoluted contraption found the story to be unclear and confusing. For some reason. So for my final rewrite, I picked out my favourite bits and cut everything else. With the extra branching gone, there was more room to improve the pacing so the core of the story could breathe. The microreactivity got to stay, at least!

A sample of old dialogue from the overcomplicated version:

Regarding completion

The question was “what kept me going to actually finish the game, since that is a point many games never even get to meet?” and it’s a great one because I forgot that’s a thing. Difficulties finishing projects, that is—I used to think it was hard, but not for many years. Maybe I’ve completed so many small-scale games already that it hardly seems that unreasonable of an expectation? (Game jams. You should do game jams.)

I honestly never had any doubt I was going to finish Mortholme. When I started in late autumn last year, I was honestly expecting the concept to be too clunky to properly function; but I wished to indulge in silliness and make it exist anyways. That vision would’ve been easy to finish, a month or two of low stakes messing around, no biggie. (Like a game jam!)

Those months ran out quickly as I had too much fun making the art to stop. It must’ve been around the time I made this recording that it occurred to me that even if the game was going to be clunky, it could still genuinely work on the back of good enough storytelling technique—not just writing, but also the animation and the Hero’s evolving behaviour during the gameplay segments which I’d been worried about. The reaction to my early blogging was also heartening. Other people could also imagine how this narrative could be interesting!

A few weeks after that I started planning out the narrative beats I wanted the dialogue to reach, and came to the conclusion that I really, really wanted it to work. Other people had to see this shit, I thought. There’s got to be freaks out there who’d love to experience this tragedy, and I’m eager to deliver.

That’s why I was fine with the project’s timeline stretching out. If attention to detail and artistry was going to make this weird little story actually come to life, then great, because that’s exactly the part of development I love doing most. Projects taking longer than expected can be frustrating, but accepting that as a common part of game dev is what allows confidence in eventual their completion regardless.

Regarding release

Dear anonymous’s questions didn’t involve post-release concerns, but it seems fitting to wrap up the post-mortem by talking about the two things about Mortholme's launch that were firsts for me, and thus I was unprepared for.

1. This was the first action game I've coded. Well, sort of—I consider Mortholme to be a story first and foremost, with gameplay so purposefully obnoxious it benefits from not being thought of as a “normal” game. Still, the action elements are there. For someone who usually sticks to making puzzle games since they’re easier to code, this was my most mechanically fragile game yet. So despite all my attempts at playtesting and failsafes, it had a whole bunch of bugs on release.

Game-breaking bugs, really obvious bugs, weird and confusing bugs. It took me over a week to fix all that was reported (and I’m only hoping they indeed are fully fixed). That feels slow; I should’ve expected it was going to break so I could’ve been faster to respond. Ah well, next time I know what I’ll be booking my post-release week for.

2. This was my first game that I let players give me money for. Sure, it’s pay-what-you-want, but for someone as allergic to business decisions as I am, it was a big step. I guess I was worried of being shown that nobody would consider my art worth financial compensation. Well, uh, that fear has gone out of the window now. I’m blown away by how kind and generous the players of Mortholme have been with their donations.

I can’t imagine it's likely to earn a living wage from pouring hundreds of hours into pay-what-you-want passion projects, but the support has me heartened to seek out a future where I could make these weird stories and a living both.

Those were the unexpected parts. The part I must admit I was expecting—but still infinitely grateful for—was that Mortholme did in fact reach them freaks who’d find it interesting. The responses, comments, analyses, fan works (there’s fic and art!! the dream!!), inspiration, and questions (like the ones prompting me to write this post-mortem) people have shared with me thanks to Mortholme… They’ve all truly been what I was hoping for back when I first gave myself emotions thinking about a mean megalomaniac and stubborn dipshit.

Thank you for reading, thank you for playing, and thank you for being around.

#so that got a bit verbose. you simply cannot give me this many salient questions and expect me otherwise tbh #the dark queen of mortholme #indie dev #game dev #dev log

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sintreaties · 2 years ago

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May I ask you about your editing process, if you do not mind? How do I go from "a blonde haired woman" to "a woman whose hair looks like sunshine rays are threaded through it"

Although I’ll do my best to answer this ask, it's fair to say that my editing is currently the weakest part of my writing process. It is kind of a big problem, the biggest, in fact, given how editing is literally what makes or breaks a story.

The things that I'm about to explain are the same things that a lot of experienced writers would tell you in my place. The reason for that, very simply, is that they're perfectly logical and they work, yes, but... We'll see why it's not that easy.

Because this is quite a complex topic, this answer ended up being much longer than anticipated. I decided to divide this post into three parts, which you can read under the cut:

The Process

Purpose

Why It's Easier Said Than Done

I hope you'll find this somewhat helpful. Keep in mind that nothing I say here is an absolute rule, even I switch things up depending on the situation.

Part 1: The Process

Let's start by saying that editing is just another part of the writing process. Arguably, because it is the most important, you should do everything you can to ‘prepare the ground’ and make your life easier.

Here’s how I usually go about it:

1) Planning

In this part, you do everything you can to have a really good grasp of what you’re going to write. A few things that you should really focus on are:

Plot. Write down a timeline, an outline, or anything that you may come back to while you write. This will help you avoid plot holes and writer's block.

Characters. Make character sheets, write short introductions about them, make playlists and Pinterest boards — do anything you want, as long as you get to know them like the back of your hand.

Main Topics. Watch videos, read articles on the web, go to the library, or whatever, but do take notes of anything you might find hard to understand, unfamiliar or particularly relevant (like scientific cases, historical periods, different cultures, etc). This will really help you flesh out the kind of story you want.

Anything else. And I really mean it. Even if you might end up cutting it out, better to spend a few seconds deleting a paragraph than to waste hours and hours on research later.

This is crucial. I used to hate doing this stuff, but trust me, you'll thank yourself in the end.

2) Writing

Ah, the fun part! Time to put all that research to good use.

Your priority now is to finish the first draft. It doesn't matter if it gets ugly, messy or nonsensical. Trust the process. Editing will handle the rest.

Don't get hung up on details or tangents. If you find yourself struggling with a scene, a line or a character, you can always leave comments or write things (in brackets) so that you may come back to them later

3) Editing

Set the first draft aside. Ignore it for weeks or months — as much time as you can. You should forget as much as possible. Because your writing is not so familiar anymore, it will be much, much easier to spot what needs to be fixed.

More notes. So you're looking over the first draft again. Now that your eyes are fresh, take notes about what you believe needs to be reworked — everything from clunky dialogue to scenes to characterization to pacing. It's good to know from the start what will need more time and effort

Work in drafts. I usually use between three and six drafts. You can go about it however you want. For me, however, it's better to start with the big and move on to the small. You don't want to get distracted by grammar issues when you've got plot holes as big as the Grand Canyon.

Big stuff includes: plot, characterization, tension, everything that you left in brackets, key dialogues.

Small stuff includes: descriptions, subtext, phrasing, grammar, typos.

You can have as many drafts as you want, but if you find yourself growing tired, if it gets harder to catch and fix mistakes, set everything aside and give yourself time to forget about it for a bit.

Learn when to stop. Editing can be a never-ending process. The story will never be as good as it is in your head. It will never be perfect because perfection does not exist. Learn to settle on a final draft, otherwise you risk doing more harm than good.

Part 2: Purpose

At its core, editing is about purpose. Every element of the story, every word and character must be there for a reason. You need to decide what needs to stay, what needs reworking and what can be cut out altogether.

Clarity should always take priority. Do not be afraid to delete or change anything that impedes it, even if they might be your favorite elements. "Killing your darlings", it's called. A line might flow beautifully to you, but it's useless if the reader doesn't get it.

Learn to balance things out. You might be the kind of writer that focuses on characterization, or dialogue or (as in my case) introspection. These things are rarely enough on their own. George R.R. Martin is great at characterization, but his prose can be flat and repetitive and the way he writes about breasts and food is oddly specific. Stephen King can literally pull you into 1974 Maine, but he often goes on pointless tangents and his endings don't always hit the mark.

(Coincidentally, the fans of those incredibly successful authors will tell you that they both need better editors and that's why we should graciously learn from the critique they receive).

What I mean is that you don't have to give up what you enjoy writing. You simply have to make space for the other elements. Remember: if you're writing a story it's because you're expecting someone to read and appreciate it.

Let's take a look at your example now. Before touching that sentence, you need to ask yourself:

1) Who is this woman

2) Who’s describing her (is the narrator neutral? Is the POV relevant? A lover, an enemy and a secondary character should all give different descriptions)

3) What’s the situation in which she’s being described

If she’s a background character, someone we only see in passing (like a waiter in a restaurant scene, the cashier of the grocery store, etc) you have no reason to describe her in detail. Unless the more important characters — meaning, the narrative POV — have anything to remark about her, she’s just “a blonde woman”.

On the other hand, if this woman is the love interest of the main character or someone who is particularly relevant to the story, the other line you offered is certainly more fitting.

The secret to editing, in the end, is to know the story you’re writing. That’s why planning at the start is so important.

You need to have a good grasp of your characters, the tension of the single scenes, the subtext, the narration, how you want the readers to react and even your genre.

Once you know that a certain scene is more important than the others, it goes without saying but you will have to put more effort into it. If you’re writing a comedy, you’ll have to ensure that the tone is right all the time, otherwise the narration might sound flat or even obtain the opposite effect.

An easy, obvious way of giving relevance to an element of your story is to take away from other elements.

You want to write paragraph after paragraph to describe the battlefield of your epic fantasy's ending scene. That's cool. In that case, you might get away with saying that the king’s bedroom is large, lavish and warm, without getting into any details whatsoever.

Be careful about when you do this though. At best, it feels cheap and lazy because it takes away the reader's feeling of immersion.

At worst, it shows that you’ve gotten tired at a certain point (and God forgive me, but I’ve started to notice this a lot in my longest drafts).

Which brings us to the final point.

Part 3: Why It's Easier Said Than Done

Editing requires three main things: patience, time and enthusiasm. I intentionally left skills out, because without those three, I can assure you, you will not get to put skills into your work.

If discipline is what most writers struggle with, fatigue is the main obstacle that I face during the editing process. I get tired of reading and re-reading the same things, the story loses its magic, I just want to move on. Plus of course, I'm not a native speaker so there are instances in which my English sounds odd and I might not even realize it (even if the uniqueness of my speech can be used to my advantage sometimes).

Although I have still much to learn, these few things have been particularly helpful:

Alpha or Beta Readers. They don't know the story, which makes it easier for them to spot mistakes. One of the problems this presents, however, is that your opinions may vary. Make sure you go to someone who knows what they're doing — and no, that does not mean 'go to someone who will agree with everything you write'. Learn to take criticism when it's deserved.

'Read Aloud'. It's a Google Docs extension that does just what it says: it reads the text aloud. Although it's clunky and the robotic voice is completely devoid of pathos, it's very helpful when it comes to pacing and sentence length. Plus hearing your typos makes it easier to spot them.

Read Aloud — Literally. Flaubert used to do this all the time. The downside is, that with all the shit I write I risk growing hoarse, plus it's just plain embarrassing. This is a last resort for me.

Typing Assistants. Google Docs has a built-in typo detector but I also use the free version of Grammarly. Both of them can be pretty unreliable, Grammarly in particular can actually make things harder (as proved by the way it's trying to correct this post as I write it), but it's good to use them for one last spelling check.

Switching Between Projects. I only started to do this recently but it's been a game-changer. Focusing on only one story can be more effective, but working on multiple projects prevents taste fatigue and lets you clear your head. Pick no more than two or three stories at a time — unless you want to drown in plot bunnies.

Change Font and Screen. I swear it works. Using the Google Docs app on my phone instead of the web version helps with the tiredness. The change of font might give you a sense of estrangement, without having to set your work aside for weeks.

As I mentioned, some experienced writers will tell you these things because they are true. The challenge remains in trying to find what works for you.

That being said, I'd still like to go pro merely for the chance to have a personal editor.

#sintreatiesreplies #anon #writing advice #editing #writing

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postmodernbeing · 4 years ago

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Shingeki no Kyojin Headcanons: Paradis Soldiers, drunk edition

Hello, Postmodernbeing here. So, I have been re-reading SnK manga due its 4th and final season. And chapter 123 really inspired me into writing this headcanons. I wrote them thinking in some Morden AU, but I believe that they could easily work for the canon universe. I hope you like this as much as I did.

IMPORTANT: I kept some canon elements that I read in a few posts from interviews to Isayama. // For obvious reasons, all the characters are 18+. // I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin. // This post does not exhorts the abuse of harmful substances such as alcohol. // English is not my first language, so I appreciate your patience.

Eren Jaeger

Isayama himself has mentioned that Eren has a high tolerance to alcohol. I'd like to respect that fact (although I'm not 100% sure about that since I read it somewhere around internet). I do imagine that Eren is the friend that ends up taking care of everyone when they're totally wasted, but he also finds the time to have fun and drink because he doesn’t really like watching over every single one of his friends or counting all the shots that they take.

His behavior doesn’t really change a lot when wasted. I picture that he might speak a bit higher than usual due the deafening effect of music and alcohol. Also, he takes a bit of time before replying a question, etc.

Apart from that, do not expect him to dance like crazy over some table. He would agree to some karaoke, though. Or even to compete in a videogame/party game if Jean challenges him enough. Usually, Eren likes to keep his cool and watch everyone have a good time. Eren’s a simple man.

In some AU, he would be the designated driver if no one else offers (cough Armin cough), or in case that all his friends are totally wasted. Eren also makes sure that his pals arrive home safely before turning the engine again (so thoughtful, aw). In case that everyone takes a taxi or some uber, Eren would ask them to send a message to their group chat before going to bed just so he’s sure everyone is safe. Even if he knows some of them will forget or fall asleep immediately after arriving home.

Mikasa Ackerman

This girl rarely gets drunk, let me tell you. And not because she doesn’t drink, she drinks a lot. Mostly because she follows Sasha into all she dares her: beerpong, shots, you name it. Even though, Mikasa prefers traditional beer, she’s into trying new things such as different tastes and alcohol levels (she’s fearless). I do imagine that Mikasa realizes she’s drunk when tries to stand from anywhere she was sitting, rather for going to the kitchen for a glass of water or to the toilet (she knows drinking water is important in order to keep her body hydrated and avoid hangover).

First thing she notices, besides the dizziness, is her face utterly blushed. She smiles almost immediately, Mikasa is more open with her body language albeit her use of words remains limited. She knows how to stay rational.

She’ll never admit how much she enjoys being invited by Sasha to have some drinks. Mikasa’s happy that she’s able to be her partner in beerpong, even if Sasha makes her lose from time to time. Her favorite game secretly is “Never have I ever…” because all her friends end up sharing too much, or some truly funny anecdotes that feed her little laugh (please, protect smiley Mikasa).

Mikasa has been designated driver only a couple of times since she keeps falling asleep after getting wasted. Nevertheless, she never fails into leaving a good night message to her friends when arriving home. Mikasa thinks that’s the perfect way to thank the squad for the great moments they shared.

Like Eren, she prefers casual reunions or stay-in-home parties. But if she’s noticed that the rest will attend to some bar/club she’d rather be there, protecting them (just a little before passing out too).

Armin Arlert

How do I say this politely? Please, keep him away from alcohol. He gets so drunk, so fast it’s almost funny. Definitely, he starts feeling a bit sleepy because he feels so relaxed. But if Armin keeps drinking sure thing, he’ll start feeling more energetic and perky. He’s the first one that gets into the karaoke thing, although he likes to share stories from the books he reads too, Eren is the one that listens to him with the most attention (and soberness).

Armin also laughs a lot being drunk, you could tell him any nonsense and he’ll burst out laughing. Sometimes he also tries to make jokes but fails funnily enough, he can’t make one coherent sentence. That’s a good sign most of the times, for he’s reaching his limits and his friends cut his consumption (which it’s really not that much).

That’s why it’s common that Armin offers himself as designated driver those nights that he might had a beer or two. He’s very responsible when he acknowledges there won’t be a chance to stay the night (for they are partying at a club or a stranger’s house). Armin is used to take his friends till their front door, he might be small, but he wants to be sure everyone will be alright and safe.

Against all odds, he enjoys a bit more of pubs since he became with time, less aloof than his childhood friends. Although, he’s not that meticulous with the remedies against hangover. Giving him the result of headaches for the next 24 hours at least.

Jean Kirstein

Jean has a higher alcohol tolerance, and he even tries to avoid excess of said substances. However, he always fails colossally 80% of occasions. He’s not precisely awkward or a bad drinker, but it’s definitely hard to keep up with his energy and enthusiasm when he’s drunk. Jean’s not the most responsible drinker neither but he manages to stay rational enough. One could say that he becomes more reckless with what he does and says.

…Such as climbing up a table and dancing like crazy. He would absolutely spend most of the night dancing and he’s not bad actually. The thing is, that his ability comes from the drunk effect rather than actual skill. When there’s no music to be heard, he likes to organize the games with Sasha and Connie. Jean also yells a lot more, and he doesn’t admit it but he runs out of patience faster if his friends aren’t excited to follow the flow of the games (we know he refers to Eren most of the times).

Therewith, he keeps his cool and sincere attitude. His friends know that Jean doesn’t need to be drunk to be open and honest, so they trust in his drunken words too. Which leads us to the next point, Jean loves bigger and more elaborated parties. But only because he knows all his friends could engage in activities that they actually enjoy. From screaming and running to keeping it quiet in a sofa.

He doesn’t worry easily, but if someone asks him to take care of them, he will offer his help without trouble (those are the 20% remaining of occasions in which he doesn’t get that drunk). Jean got the designated driver role only one time, for his friends decided that he sucked at following the GPS and spend too much time taking ‘shortcuts’ every three blocks. It would take the rest of the night trying to get to their homes.

Sasha Braus

Like Jean, Sasha has a medium tolerance to alcoholic beverages, but she tends to mess that up when stuffing her mouth with snacks and junk food. She insists in eating before drinking (and after too), so it’s not unusual to watch her running into the bathroom at the middle of the night because of nausea. To everyone's surprise, she has a wide knowledge of different drinks. From the best wines and its respective cuts of meats, to the strangest (and cheapest) mixtures for the sole purpose of getting wasted.

Even in sober state Sasha isn’t shy at all. So, beware for she’s the mastermind behind the party games. Sasha always promises tranquil reunions but deep down everyone knows shit’s getting down every-single-time. She knows the basic games such as beerpong, “never have I ever”, “truth or dare”, and she has a talent at asking the most awkward questions. But her real potential reveals when she dares her friends into weird and dangerous challenges.

Sasha definitely becomes more direct and energetic. She has let her real accent show a few times before and even if she gets a bit embarrassed she’s too drunk to care (Mikasa is the first one that shuts their mouths if they try to make fun of her, canon of they being the best friends ever, yay).

She loves to dance and sing, making a disaster of the house/club they’re partying at. Connie tries to calm her down before anyone else, but fails because just like her, he’s delighted with the jokes and pranks they pull together. Sasha knows that Connie stays close to her in case she’s feeling more dizzy than usual and she’s forever thankful for that. Lastly, she has never offered herself into that designated driver role, and that’s what her friends are thankful for. So, everything’s reciprocal, one could say.

Connie Springer

Connie has just a bit more of tolerance to alcohol. It’s common that Sasha, Jean, and Connie end up drunk at the same time. They laugh when they realize this. The first signal into Connie’s drunk state is him talking about everything that passes through his mind, from conspiracy theories to the most absurd yet profound questions. And finishes his quasi rational speech with bad jokes, although he doesn’t really need alcohol to tell them.

He promises himself every single time that he’ll take care of Sasha but ends up following her into all her dares and extreme games (some of them almost illegal). Connie is the first person than anyone runs to if they want to throw a bigger party. He feels flattered to this, he’s truly popular and a great company to anyone. Seems obvious at this point, but I'll say it anyway: Connie really enjoys club parties.

I already mentioned that Connie gets along with anything that Sasha comes up with. But Connie himself has a repertoire of anecdotes and pranks. He can recommend you the best pubs and the cheapest (and interesting) clubs. He doesn’t admit it, but this also strokes his ego. Maybe he does have some genius in him, at least for these topics.

Connie is also the most chaotic drunk, all he does (or tries to) is funny. He has the craziest anecdotes. Like that time when his friends found him asking for directions to a public trash can, or that one night when he had a fight with Jean because he didn’t accede to shave his head to match with Connie’s. Or Sasha’s favorite, she’d dared him into smelling Eren’s arse for some bet they had about his smell. Mikasa was not happy.

Sincerely, this boy brings life into the parties if he desires so. Howbeit, he got his friends’ backs if they have a problem with aggressive drunken guys. Connie has jumped into fights just so he protects his friends (Armin, more than anyone else due his big-smart mouth). Truth to be told, Connie fights quite good when drunk. His protective side is a wonder, y’all give him lots of love.

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utilitycaster · 3 years ago

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[image description: a screenshot of a reply from @tanely which reads "I also think because of the video nature of this, the intent or lack there of, can be read as something different. it builds this weird disconnect because like. yes that facial expression COULD mean something or that tone COULD mean something. but....is it in character? is it not? it's such a fine line that can be used to account for anyone's headcanons/opinions if you try hard enough."]

(this was in reply to this post about how I like not just disproving theories that I think are wrong but also trying to figure out similarities and motivations)

(also everyone be warned this is a sideblog and xkit's one-click reply has been broken for a long time due to the major update last year so if you don't want me mentioning you when I respond to replies just let me know and I'll take it out)

This is a really good point and one I've been thinking about a lot lately. I think the fandoms for podcast actual play are, if not smaller, at least quieter, and the fandoms for scripted podcasts are a lot more justified in making wild theories because the works are scripted and deliberate. The fact that Critical Role is usually livestreamed or live-to-tape vs. edited, and that it all takes place in the same material plane (vs. TAZ or NADDPod which have not reused the same main setting), probably also contributes in that we see basically everything and there is a chance, however faint/unlikely/bad storytelling it may be, that everything really is connected.

Anyway, you're right. For every Taliesin or Liam quietly reacting when their PC's mortal enemy shows up, there's a hundred glances that literally just are just like...people making eye contact because they are speaking to each other, that someone has interpreted to be evidence for their pet theories. I've mentioned this before in passing but there are ships I stopped being able to enjoy and this was a major factor; it made me genuinely uncomfortable that someone's friendly facial expressions were being so widely interpreted as explicitly romantic (and, referencing the post this came from, the implications were that theory to be true were also not great). And it just so happens that obviously while I don't have a huge sample size, when I started avoiding people who were into the more nonsensical/baseless other theories suddenly I was getting far fewer of those "but the microexpressions" arguments/gifsets as well. In a way that was what really got me into starting to (very informally and entirely in my head) track poorly thought-out theories.

Which is to say that reading into things a little too much can be fun! When the implications aren't as troubling and hypocritical as "someone making a vaguely positive expression towards someone else must always be explicitly romantic unless I don't ship it in which case it's not" I don't mind it! But it needs to be weighted accordingly when we're talking about actual evidence for the theories vs just like, correlations that might not be causative.

This makes me want to look at current NADDPod and TAZ theories though if I can find them and see how people back up their wishful thinking there, because I think the desire to have evidence for the things you want, even if it doesn't really exist in canon, would still be a thing for fans of an audio-only medium - they just wouldn't have that particular source to work with.

#on fandom #i need a tag for me discussing why people are into theories because I love it #it's like...meta but not meta in the sense of analysis of canon #meta in the analysis of fandom #i mean tone does still exist it's just a lot more subtle

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ofmythsandmadness · 4 years ago

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movie night (request).

REQUEST; May I request a fic with Diego, mutual pining and yearning and all that good shit. Just kinda an all around fluffy fic, and it ends with them confessing to each other or something like that? Love you!💕 -- anon PAIRING; Diego Hargreeves x gender neutral reader. (2nd pov) WARNING; not much. a couple curse words, some bad writing (forgive me, it’s late).

NOTES - This is short (for me) but sweet & really all dialogue. But it’s okay! I finally got a request done in only a few days, which is nice for once. I know I’ve got two other things to put out, they’ll come later (aka updates for inaf and that trilogy i had). but anyways, hope you like and thank you for requesting anon! Also, not edited and a bit bleh at the end (whoops). xx

“KLAUS, SIT YOUR ASS DOWN RIGHT NOW!”

“NO!”

“This is MY apartment!”

“And this is MY body, so--!”

You roll your eyes and slump back down to the couch. Your eyes leave his indignant glare and fall back to the two movies on your lap. “For the last fuckin’ time, you can’t just declare that as your argument! It’s my TV, and I don’t wanna watch Zoolander!”

“Well, I don’t want to watch that!”

“That?” Your hands scrabble at the DVD case before lifting it to his face. “That is an American treasure, dumbass! This is like, the greatest comedy ever made!”

“I didn’t laugh once!”

“You haven’t seen it!”

“SO?!”

“GUYS!”

Before you could retort or Klaus could cut you off (again), a third voice joined the fight. Diego.

Without even thinking about it, you smiled at him, forgetting for just one second about your fight.

Just for a second.

“Diego, thank goodness you’re back, I can’t handle this alone!”

“I could hear you two screaming from down the hall,” he huffed, heading in with a bowl and a frown. “Klaus, you’re gonna get Y/N another noise complaint.”

Klaus pouted. “She started it!”

“How the hell is asking what movie you wanna watch starting a fight?”

He just stuck his tongue out at you.

“You guys always fight over this,” Diego sighed. He sank into the couch and in response, you shuffled back, giving him just enough room to get comfortable before sinking back. “I’m starting to think movie night was a bad idea.”

“No!”

“No-o,” you groaned. Without thinking, your forehead fell to his shoulder, emphasising a facepalm without having to lift your own hands (which were still clinging tightly to your DVD). “This is a good idea, your brother just can’t compromise.”

“Compromise? You just want to watch -- Diego, she’s impossible!”

The man just sighed, and you felt the vibrations of the heavy sound leave his shoulder to your forehead. “Shut it, both of you. I’m picking. We’re watching this one.”

You glanced up to see him gesturing at your choice. Immediately, your eyes lit up and you turned to his brother with a resounding ‘HA!’.

“That’s not fair!”

“How’s it not fair?” chorused both you and Diego at the same time.

“You always go with her pick!”

Your smile died a little, replaced with new anger. “That’s not true, you’re just a sore loser! And your brother has taste!”

But Klaus didn’t even care for the half-baked insult; he was ploughing right along with his first point, almost excitedly too. “You always do! Every time we fight and you pretend to ‘break up the fight’, but you’re not sly, dear brother!”

Diego frowned beside you. “That’s not true. I picked yours last week.”

“No, no you did not! We watched Inception even though you said before that one chick freaks you out too much!”

“Well -” you pause, mulling over his words just the littlest bit; maybe he did have some fragments of a point. “Well, that’s not totally valid. I mean, Ariadne’s not in the movie that much, he doesn’t have to look at Vanya’s doppelganger the whole time.”

Diego nodded. “‘Sides, it was better than whatever the fuck you chose.”

“Excuses, excuses,” Klaus cooed, still on top of your coffee table and still way too energized to be standing on it. You really should stop letting him stand on such delicate things - but perhaps that argument could wait until after he was done making such weird points. “It’s always her - I mean, Diego, don’t you think you’re laying it on a bit thick?”

“What?!”

“Huh?!”

Klaus scoffed. “Come on - you two have been making goo-goo eyes and sweet little gestures for as long as I’ve known you two! Movie nights are just the next thing you’ve taken away from me, and manipulated to be about your sick mutual pining scheme!”

Your mouth dropped open in a move to immediately dispute, only to simply hang, unsure what there was to say to that. He was wrong, of course - for the sure fact that you knew Diego did not like you at all. Wouldn’t you know, already if he did? Sure, maybe you were a little obvious with your feelings sometimes, but only occasionally, and they were never received as much.

This was just a grand scheme to get his movie picked, and you told him that, proudly calling him out on what you thought was just a big game.

But Klaus did not react as you thought he would. Instead, he leapt down from his post and sank down to sit on the coffee table, teetering into a cross-legged position. His long fingers jabbed at the both of you. “You two are so in your heads, you’ve gone blind to the other person. I mean, Y/N, you’re literally curled around Diego right now, does that not register in your brain?”

Okay, so that was correct. You were close to him, maybe not as close as he said but your head did rest on his sleeve, and your hands --

-- awkwardly, you pulled away, crossing your arms across yourself. “Not a good point; I’m just comfortable with him. As I am with you.”

“Ah, but we don’t cuddle like two babes in a pea pod, do we?”

“Klaus, you’re being-”

“-foolish? Am I? Diego, brother of mine, you look at Y/N like she’s aligned the stars and moon and given them to you as a gift! And you look at me like I’m dirt on the side of -”

“-Klaus,” you hissed, with hot cheeks and a new feeling bubbling at your throat (embarrassment, maybe? fear?) that you did not want to spill. “If I pick your movie, will you stop this nonsense?”

The young man huffed, raising his knees up and flapping them down again. “Don’t be so scared of acceptance, dear Y/N! I mean, think of the potential, two people with questionable taste finally joining and becoming one?”

“Klaus!”

You rose from the couch suddenly, jerky motions and wide eyes in an attempt to hide your overwhelming emotional buildup. You didn’t look at Diego. “Sit, Klaus, please, and let me put on this damn movie so we can be free of this? Stop making our lives a rom-com!”

“Am I wrong?!”

“Yes!” You responded, indignant and loud. Still you refused to look Diego’s way. “Come on now. If Diego thought of me as attractive, I’m sure we would’a worked it out in the many years of our friendship. Right? Let’s just watch this film.”

Klaus mumbled something under his breath, but it was too quiet for you to catch. He slumped down in your place and grinned, “Diego, will you cuddle me like-”

“-I will gut you like a fish, asshole-”

“-movie time, quiet up!”

You sank down into your chair, cold and missing Diego’s presence, and avoided his searching eyes. Whatever was going on with him, it wasn’t something you were sure you could emotionally deal with; Klaus pretending like your feelings could be requited would be enough pain for the night. You’d gladly watch his pick if it meant quiet.

“HEY.”

You didn’t look up from the dishes; you didn’t have to, to recognise the voice. “Hey. Klaus asleep still?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

“You, uh…” Diego’s voice followed behind you, until you were pretty certain he was leaning on the counter almost directly from you. “All the stuff he said…”

You forced a chuckle, even though your heart had almost immediately sunk. And here you thought you’d be free of more tragedy that night. “Ha, yeah. So weird.”

“Weird?”

“Yeah,” you mumbled, losing momentum with every second. Did you have to do this? You were tired and lonely and sad, and you didn’t want to get second helpings of unrequited feelings that night. But still, you played along. “Such a joke. You n’me? I know you don’t feel that way, don’t worry.”

“What if--” he stopped, short.

You waited a moment to see if he’d continue, only to be met with silence. You turned to stare at him. He leant back on his arms with his head down, so you couldn’t see whatever look he wore on his face.

“What if…?”

“What if…” he paused again, sighing and rubbing a hand down his face. “I...if...I dunno. It wasn’t all a joke.”

Okay, you were starting to freak out a little, If this was some sort of joke… “Diego, I really don’t ha-”

“-I like you, Y/N.”

And just like that, your heart had stopped.

Well, not really. Though it did feel like it did; one moment you thought he was there to confront you about your feelings, and the next you could only start at him like a deer caught in the headlights, unsure whether or not to run or to just stand and wait for the impact.

“W-huh?”

“I-idiot’s talking about me,” he groaned, and clearly he was forcing the words out, practically spitting them to avoid stuttering. “I-I just didn’t say it cause-”

“-don’t say that.”

Diego stopped. “What?”

“I mean,” you shrugged, taking a step away from the dishes. Your soapy hands moved out to just almost touch him. “He’s way too adamant on his choice in movies. And some might say he has no choice...but he’s definitely not an idiot.”

Slowly, Diego, rolled away from the counter and lifted his head to look at you. You could see the same look in his eyes you were sure reflected in yours; confusion, fear, a little bit of that bubbling excitement that came with passion--

“He figured out we were both into each other ‘fore either of us had a clue.” You stepped nearer; the two of you were nearly touching. You forced your head up, staring him down with a smile. “To be completely honest, this feels like a fever dream. Not sure this is even happening.”

“Oh,” he whispered, and it came out more like a sigh than a word. His hands met your waist, trembling but pressing. “Y-”

-you cut him off. Quickly, before you could lose your will (or grip on reality, whatever came first) you lifted up on your toes and to his lips, pressing a firm kiss to his own. It was brief but sure, only lasting a second before pulling away.

“I like you too, dummy.”

His eyes reopened and stared down at you, wide and happy. “Yeah?”

“I don’t know how you didn’t notice,” you laughed, itching to kiss him again. Why had you pulled away so quickly? His taste didn’t even remain on your own lips, no matter how you licked at them. “I feel like I was obvious as hell.”

Diego smiled a little, soft and pretty. “I g-guess I was just b-b-busy lookin’ at you like you hung the moon, or - or whatever Klaus said.”

“IT WAS ALIGNED THE STARS AND MOON, YOU LOVESICK FOOL!”

“GO BACK TO SLEEP, KLAUS!”

“...DID YOU GUYS KISS YET?”

“KLAUS!”

#diego hargreeves x reader #diego hargreeves imagine #tua x reader #the umbrella academy x reader #my fics

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astaerion · 4 years ago

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tumblr tag game

tagged by @jemmablossom thank you laura! <3

1. why did you choose your url?

because i love bastille's sophomore album wild world. i also wanted a kind of fandom neutral url

2. any side blogs?

no, we drown in all kinds of content like men

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

8 years i think? way too long in any case

4. do you have a queue tag?

i don't use queue, but back when i was more organized i just used q

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

because i wanted to reblog shitposts and fandom nonsense

6. why did you choose your icon?

my icon changes a lot, but my current one is loki because the series starts next wednesday and i'm excited!!!

7. why did you choose your header?

same reason as my icon, loki is my emotional support bastard <3

8. what's your post with the most notes?

it's this set, none of my other posts come close to it

9. how many mutuals do you have?

i don't know exactly, i have a good number and i love all of them <3

10. how many followers do you have?

right now about 410, but it's been growing since i started giffing again

11. how many people do you follow?

198. i recently unfollowed a bunch of inactive accounts, so i'll be following new people, but i can only follow from desktop for some reason?? and i often forget who i wanted to follow so it takes a while to both be at my computer and remember people i've been meaning to follow

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

i don't think so

13. how often do you use tumblr a day?

way too much, especially since lockdown started

14. did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?

no, i hate conflict and would go to great lengths to avoid it

15. how do you feel about the 'you need to reblog' posts?

i don't think anyone HAS to reblog anything, and i don't like guilt tripping posts. i think everyone should decide what they want to reblog without feeling guilty about it. that said, everyone should be reblogging more edits/gifs/graphics because the ratios are truly depressing and content creators deserve all the notes for their hard work

16. do you like tag games?

yes, i love them! i like talking about myself so getting tagged is always fun

17. do you like ask games?

yes, but i rarely get asks :(

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

oooh i think a lot of them are. i don't even understand how we came to be mutuals

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

no, but i have crushes on all their beautiful creations! and friend crushes, if that makes sense?

20. tags!

@eternls @patel-dev @wandasmaximoff but only if you want to, no pressure! <3

#tag game #about me

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alltingfinns · 4 years ago

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Part 2

John crestfallen at what looks like another sign of Sherlock not caring. Except Sherlock obviously sees it differently, time is of the essence and this is probably not the first kidnapping case he’s seen.

He looked through the fairy tale book probably because it was noticably out of place.

“Anyone can walk in anywhere if they pick the right moment”. So close to Jim’s method.

Oh God. Sherlock telling the John mirror that they’re better off avoiding relationships since at least one attempt involved a master criminal. At this point John is avoiding relationships but will soon enough meet “Mary”. Also worried about his interest in Sherlock who has the air of menace drawn thickly around him.

Did that sentence even make sense?

The modern equivalence to ACD Sherlock knowing the origin of soil samples.

“Thank you John” “Actually I’m just his mirror”

Keeping a sharp eye on John so the mistake seems more psychological than visual.

He looks upset when she says she doesn’t count. Just because he doesn’t like her romantically it doesn’t mean he doesn’t value her as a friend. He’s just really bad at valuing his friends. But also she might be so long gone on him that his lack of reciprocation is seen as an all out rejection.

Oh God the quick shots of the kids eating the poisoned chocolate. That’s my fill of horror for the holiday.

“Not be myself.”

Collar goes down.

I wonder how Jim faked a Sherlock to traumatize the girl.

We know Anderson’s theory on that from TEH, latex perfection.

Sherlock being subjected to the “they’ll think you’re crazy or lying if you say anything” quick show of “I O U”. Also known as the dancing frog effect.

Sally fishing for a reaction because she needs a bit more than a hunch and a screaming child to go on. But keeping it subtle enough that you have to be Sherlock Holmes to fully pick up on it and deduce what she might be thinking.

John being snubbed but it’s like other times. Sherlock is going into danger and needs to keep John out of the firing line. Not the first or last time he pulls this stunt.

Next on fairy tales with Richard Brook: The Story of Sherlock and His Very Bad and Downright Awful Evening.

Wonder if being found with a dead body is going to compound his situation? I mean, obviously he didn’t have a gun and the guy was shot from a distance, but at this point it’s the rumors that matter not the facts.

Been a while since I saw TPLoSH, but wasn’t that the one where dust was part of his filing system?

“Can’t kill an idea”

The breaking point. The wrong conclusion I wrote in the last post. Here it is.

He thinks what would upset John is being duped by Sherlock into liking/praising/admiring him.

I want to write a bigger thing about it, although I can’t imagine that the subject has gone unexplored in the fandom.

Sherlock is the one doubting in this scene. Doubting that John sees him for more than the Persona.

Remove the Persona, and John’s affection goes with it.

But John isn’t just there for the clever man in The Hat. Coat collar up or down, he cares for Sherlock.

The doubt will unfortunately not die here, or The Hat wouldn’t have such a pronounced presence in future episodes.

Are English gingerbread men always that thick? Then again it’s possible we just generally bake them thinner in Sweden, judging from a couple of German cookie cutters I have that doesn’t quite work on the level of thin we usually bake.

John standing up for him throughout this scene while Sherlock just quietly accepts it.

Am I even going to make it to the rooftop?

Both John and Sherlock get such good smash cut scenes in this episode.

“A good friend bails you out of jail, a best friend sits next to you and say ‘We fucked up.’”

The way Lestrade underreacts to the situation is amazing.

Once again on Gun Safety with Sherlock Holmes.

Lestrade’s face in his hands. Sherlock’s very tired dad/babysitter.

“Now people will definitely talk”

Priorities, John!

They’re going to need to coordinate. Good thing that they at least can do that in life or death situations, because they’re terrible with it otherwise.

“A lie that is preferable to the truth.” Also known as every straight Sherlock reading, because people can’t deal with their hero being gay.

Interesting that the guy got shot just as Sherlock lowered his gun. As in after he got the information. He wasn’t shot by one of the others. This is the work of Moriarty’s shooter.

I thought from the look on Sherlock’s face when John mentioned Brook that he had an idea who it was. But apparently not.

So the money was good enough that he’d risk jail time but still not enough that he wouldn’t risk the wrath of his ex-employer, the master criminal, for what she could get him? Sherlock was right on the money in his analysis of her. Not smart or trustworthy, just hungry.

Oh her look of pity to John. Like he’s the one that was duped.

A folder with printouts. That’s her big cache of evidence?

For Christ’s sake, her character in The IT Club is smarter than this!

And to top off her character she does a pathetic repeat of Sherlock’s insult to her and then John brushes her aside.

Wrap up a lie in the truth. There are way too many good lines in this episode.

“If I wasn’t everything that you think I am, that I think I am, would you still help me?”

So close to the actual question he has for John but will never ask.

Mycroft doesn’t actually believe in the key code nonsense, does he? Both Holmes brothers can’t be this blind on matters of cyber security.

This scene was at the end of THoB, which doesn’t have to mean anything timewise, granted. But I sincerely doubt a hypothetical key code was of concern.

Are there any updated versions of M theory around? I think I saw some new idea about Mycroft being in charge rather than Moriarty, but I still get the impression that these scenes happened even if no key code was involved. So why did he really have Moriarty slapped around?

“Moriarty wanted Sherlock destroyed, and you have given him the perfect ammunition.”

Wasn’t there a theory that Mycroft manipulated John into Sherlock’s path because he thought the doctor could save his brother?

Jim used the code to change his identity in the records. You seriously think Kitty checked the records, rather than taking him at his word and printouts?

Even then, Jim has worked with someone who knows what the record keepers like. No need for a magical key code.

Ah yes, about ten characters of binary. The ultimate key code!

“No. Friends protect people.”

People is John.

I personally love coming up with names with hidden meanings, so that’s probably what I would have picked too.

On the one hand he brought back the scary SUDDEN SHOUT he terrified me with in TGG, but on the other hand he used it to say “doofus”.

“Ordinary Sherlock”. This scene must have been fun to act.

Mrs Hudson assuming that John’s back because Sherlock did something clever and made it alright.

“Police! ...sorta”

Sherlock has already set Lazarus in motion, but the possibility of not having to leave John if he can get to Jim has to be explored.

Faked suicide like the bride. I don’t blame Sherlock for not seeing it. He’s running on no sleep, more adrenaline than blood in his veins and someone just seemingly shot himself in front of him. Not to mention the overall pressure he’s under.

The little laugh when he can’t make John doubt him.

Everything’s blurry.

“I researched you”. Subtle slam at Elementary?

Oh God their hands reaching.

“He’s my friend” with his voice breaking

“Say it now.” “I can’t.”

Mrs Hudson outangering John is the levity needed now.

“Stop this.”

Things are blurry again.

Risked being seen just to see John one last time and hear his words.

And I need to wash my face.

I also remembered that Sherlock talked of a lookalike in TEH, but I’m keeping my musing on Sherlock faking for transparency. Also I’m too lazy to go back and edit.

#rebecka’s sherlock rewatch #sherlock #johnlock #tjlc #sherlock meta #save john watson #m theory #the Holmes brothers need to learn a bit about databases and programming

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panharmonium · 5 years ago

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no man can know his destiny...

...because if we told him what it was, he might decide to tell destiny to bugger off!

all right, folks. i am obviously eight years late to this party (party? maybe not party; that’s...maybe not the best word), and i am aware that everybody who was ever in this fandom has probably already consumed all the finale reaction posts that they ever needed to read. i am putting this S5 finale round-up together for my own purposes anyway, because now that i’m no longer avoiding spoilers, i want to make sure i get all of my own thoughts down on paper before i accidentally run into anyone else’s.

fair warning before anyone decides to invest their time: this post is sixteen single-spaced pages long. i am putting it under a cut here, so feel free to scroll on by.

with that said, off we go!

in a land of myth and a time of magic (i fell in love with a ten-year-old tv show):

so, to preface this, i think it’s pretty fair to say that i very rarely complain about merlin.

i watched the first episode of merlin on a complete whim - i was by myself, on a trip to atlanta, and despite the fact that i usually never sit down and just decide to watch random tv, i was scrolling around on netflix before bed and saw merlin and thought “oh hey, that’s always been on my list as something i thought i might like.” i clicked it. i watched it. i thought it was going to be a silly, fun, low-investment show i could use to fill the spare time on my trip.

it was silly. and it was fun. it was not low-investment. i fell in LOVE.

and i know this comes through in the way i write about it, like - the vast majority of the blogging i have done about merlin has come from a place of THIS THING IS GREAT AND I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT’S GREAT. sometimes the story will go places that stress me out or make me sad, but usually that hasn’t impacted my enjoyment, because generally, when i evaluate stories, i react more to my perception of the story’s integrity, as opposed to whether or not i personally ‘liked’ the ending. so i might personally prefer stories that don’t end in tragedy, but if the story has earned its ending, with integrity, then i won’t feel any desire to criticize it. i will talk about how sad i am or how low it made me feel, but if the story has earned its ending then i can’t - i just can’t argue with it. i have to respect it.

and i think i’ve demonstrated that well enough in all the other blogging i’ve done about merlin. with 5.10 and 5.11 particularly; i felt those episodes were impossibly tragic and dark and SO unhappy, but i respected the storytelling, despite this. i wasn’t hopping on here to make posts like ‘ugh this is getting so dark this episode sucks!!!’ i was writing about the story they were crafting - which, yes, WAS getting dark, certainly - and about how impactful it was (even when that impact was just “OUCH”). i was still deeply engaged, at that time.

so - i think i have earned the right to say honestly that the following analysis does not come from a place of ‘this was SAD and that makes it automatically CRAPPY!!!’ that’s not how i assess things. 5.10 and 5.11 were devastating, but i respect them. i loved watching them. i would watch them again. i thought that the show had the potential to pull off something masterful, after those two episodes.

but the one thing this series has always struggled with a little bit is follow-through. bbc merlin is at its finest when they aren’t afraid to go barreling after the moral ambiguity and complexities that their show inherently contains (‘to kill the king,’ ‘the sorcerer’s shadow,’ ‘the disir,’ ‘the kindness of strangers,’ ‘the drawing of the dark,’ to name just a few), and they achieve real greatness in those moments. but they sometimes pull back from the difficult questions they pose. and i can’t tell if it’s that they’re deliberately chickening out, or if it’s just some variation of carelessness or ineptitude that makes them fumble the ball, but the end result is that they hit these amazing highs of “wow, i can’t believe we’re finally going there; we’re addressing the central conflict” and then all the complicated questions they asked just get dropped.

it happens in ‘the sorcerer’s shadow’ (which is an amazing episode otherwise), when kilgharrah kind of...word-of-god handwaves away merlin’s conflict, saying ‘we just gotta wait for arthur to be king, that’s the right way to go about this.’ and they double down on this by having merlin say that it was gilli, not merlin, who had betrayed their kind - which is just not - that is not what that episode had been saying, up until that point! the entire point of that episode was that yeah, merlin has in fact gotten himself into a position where he’s made a morally questionable decision to serve a regime that oppresses him and others like him. they show us how conflicted he feels when he’s confronted by this reality. they show us that he knows it’s true. it was brilliantly done - and then they pulled WAY back.

but even then i don’t think it was like...unforgivable, at that point. it doesn’t break the story’s integrity; i can definitely believe that merlin would take that tack - i’m not sure he’s quite ready to confront/accept the reality of his situation at that point. so i get it. it wouldn’t be a big deal - if the show had eventually addressed/followed through on this conflict in the end.

and i think the same is true of the episodes leading up to the finale. they were dark and complicated and tragic, but they were telling an important story; and none of the terrible things we saw happening to the characters were dead-ends, story-wise. there was a place for that story to go. there was room for morgana to have her arc resolve in a meaningful way. there was room for mordred’s arc to do the same. the place in which we found ourselves at the end of 5.11 was as dark and complicated as merlin had ever been, and it was still bursting with potential.

and then you watch the finale and it’s just - empty. i described it as a paper castle in some other post, and that’s what it felt like. no substance. it was like they stuffed us on a bullet train and whizzed us past material that should have taken an entire season to handle, and you didn’t see any of it or feel anything because the trip took ten seconds and the scenery was a blur.

it honestly felt like they thought they had another season coming and then someone popped in and told them “actually you have to wrap this up in two episodes.” i can’t think of another way to reasonably explain how dramatically the quality of the storytelling downshifts between 5.11 and 5.12. i wasn’t watching the show then, so i don’t know, but it’s - at least if that had been the case, i would UNDERSTAND what had happened. it’s just insanity, otherwise.

so anyway, with all that said, here are my own reasons for why i think the last two episodes were objectively bad writing, as opposed to just writing i don’t personally like. nobody is obligated to agree with me on any of these points, but i’m also not putting them up here to debate them, really - i truly believe that almost everything i watched in the last two episodes was poorly-conceived.

(there’s an entirely different discussion to be had, of course, about the relative merits of ending your, uh, hopeful fantasy story on a bummer of a death knell, and i might touch on that later, but that’s a little bit more subject to personal preference, and honestly, it’s not the point i’m trying to make here, because to be frank, these episodes are bad without even getting into who lives and who dies.)

i. plot contrivances: EVERYWHERE.

i don’t mean plot devices. plot devices are important, in a story. a plot device is something like how merlin throws excalibur into the lake in 1.09, and then is able to retrieve it in 3.13 because of a choice he made to show someone compassion in 2.09, and thus he is able to save the day and defeat the undead. excalibur is a plot device, in that scenario - the ability to use it in 3.13 unfolds organically.

a plot contrivance, on the other hand, is artificial. it’s unnaturally convenient. it doesn’t feel convincing. it’s what you reach for when you can’t think of a way to make something happen, but a writer is supposed to look at these things when they edit and think ‘hey. if i can’t make this happen without it being contrived, maybe it shouldn’t happen. maybe i need to look at this again.’

so like, from the very beginning of 5.12, we have:

the face-sucker slug. never seen one before. never heard of it before. never given any indication that any such creature ever existed. never given any indication that “stealing” magic was something that could even happen. no idea where morgana found it. created for and introduced in this very episode, just to give merlin a reason to go to the crystal cave; removed from the episode ten minutes after it’s introduced, forgotten.

gwaine’s sudden girlfriend. NEVER SEEN HER BEFORE. NEVER HEARD OF HER BEFORE. NEVER GIVEN ANY INDICATION THAT ANY SUCH CREATURE EVER EXISTED. where does she come from? why do we care? (surprise: we don’t.) created for and introduced in this very episode for the sole purpose of explaining how morgana could get the information she needed to interfere with everyone’s plans, which was a contrived idea in and of itself, because it relied completely on making gwaine act like the kind of dope who tells a civilian military secrets.

you just. you can’t. if your plot point can’t function without a) introducing a brand new character in the penultimate episode of your show and b) forcing a long-standing character to do something they just wouldn’t do, you can’t use it. you just can’t. you have to figure out something else.

this lady’s very existence is nonsense. absolutely, utterly contrived. to waste that much time on a character we’ve never seen before and don’t care about, in the last two hours of your five-season show...incredible.

morgana’s army. they outnumber camelot’s forces “five to one.” where did they come from? how did she amass such a force? in season 4 she was losing all her allies - the episode with annis and caerleon was specifically designed to show us how people were turning from her methods and aligning with arthur. and then she spent two years in a pit. how did she amass such a force in such a short period of time? what could she offer them? why do they fight for her? there is no explanation of who the “saxons” are or what they want - the show just needed an army for camlann.

aithusa. aithusa was, apparently, just a vehicle to enable mordred to obtain a blade forged in the dragon’s breath. beyond that, he served no purpose. he literally just vanishes, along with that entire storyline - the future of the dragons, everything - just dropped, forgotten, never mentioned again.

morgana in the crystal cave. “gee, i finally caught merlin, the guy who’s supposed to be my doom. i think i’ll just...trap him behind some rocks. wouldn’t want to kill him, while i have him completely powerless and at my mercy. how then would he escape from this super powerful magical cave and ensure that the next step in this impossibly weak plot unfolds?”

the crystal cave itself. what is the entire point of this detour? killing time while arthur and merlin are separated? i mean, the whole “merlin loses his magic for all of five minutes” thing was a contrivance itself, just to ensure that merlin and arthur had a reason to be separated during the battle. but even putting that aside, once merlin is in there, and balinor says ‘you have to go into the light to discover who you truly are, you have power of which you cannot conceive’ - what purpose did that serve? all we see merlin do once he gets to camlann is call down some lightning. he’s done that before. he...he did that in season one.

the entire detour in the crystal cave changed nothing. it was a contrivance to mark time so merlin didn’t arrive at camlann at the same time as everybody else.

arthur at camlann. the idea that we are supposed to believe that arthur somehow finds himself all alone on that battlefield, long enough for mordred to sneak up on him and stab him and for him not be found by a single other human being until merlin shows up. he is the KING. there is no conceivable circumstance where his army lets him go wandering around by himself after the battle has been mostly won. it doesn’t make sense. it isn’t believable. it’s a contrivance to make sure mordred has an opportunity to get him.

“only the sidhe possess such magic.” the SIDHE????? you guys. the last time we saw the sidhe was in that gooftastically wonderful filler episode where a pixie wanted to bone gaius. you can’t - you just - you can’t center your entire ‘this is how we save arthur’ plan on a race of beings that we haven’t heard of since early season 3 and which we never knew anything more about than that they once possessed a farting princess.

“not without the horses.” are you telling me. that the reason they don’t make it to this fabulous isle in time. is because. their horses. were conveniently scared away. that’s what killed the glorious once and future king. the horses ran off.

and the horses conveniently ran off because they were conveniently scared away by morgana, who conveniently happened to show up because she was conveniently put in a position to extract information from someone who conveniently knew where arthur was going - all of this, of course, predicated on the impossible-to-believe assumption that a) gwen would ever tell anybody where arthur was going, when the stakes were this high, when nobody needed to know and camelot had already fallen prey to spies multiple times, and b) that gwaine and percival would, if they did for some reason know where arthur was headed, be so foolish as to literally serve themselves up to morgana on a plate, when they know that the whole point of this scheme is that they WANT morgana to hang out in brineved wasting her time in order to allow arthur to reach the isle safely.

I SAY AGAIN: if your plot point cannot function without making characters do things we just do not believe they would do, you can’t use it. you can’t. you have to revisit what you’re doing. you can’t just make anything happen that you want to in order to drive the story to the place you want it to go. it has to make sense.

kilgharrah. is called just in time to deliver a pat explanation of the ending, but not in time to shuttle arthur over to the isle? merlin could have called for a ride ages ago. merlin and arthur weren’t traveling fast, or far. it’s not like kilgharrah was having that much trouble getting around. we see that he handles carrying the two of them just fine. we see that he flies away, zoop, no problem. there is no reason for him not to have been called even a single hour sooner, other than that the plot demanded that he could not be, because the plot demanded that arthur not get there in time.

it breaks the boundaries of disbelief. it takes you right out of the story. it reminds you, inappropriately, that all of this is a thing someone planned (poorly). all of it is contrived.

ii. dropped plotlines

i can’t believe i actually have to say this.

i’ve seen tv shows tank before, but usually, when tv shows tank, it’s just that the quality of their writing has declined, and they’ve resorted to resolving their plotlines in ill-conceived ways.

i have never, in my life, seen a tv show DROP all of its major plotlines before it ends. i have never seen a tv show just. FORGET. to address their premise. never. i still can’t believe it actually happened. i’m sitting here trying to remember if the merlin finale was actually some kind of anxiety-induced fever dream i had while i was gearing myself up to watch the last few episodes.

merlin bbc had, at its outset, two major plotlines. these would be supplemented later by other throughlines (many of which were also dropped), but the two major ones always stayed the same, one for arthur and one for merlin:

for arthur, the question of him one day becoming the greatest king in history and uniting the land of albion

for merlin, the question of him one day liberating the magical community from oppression and being able to live free from fear

those were the two constant throughlines in this show, from episode one. the struggle to unite the land of albion, and the struggle to make the land a free and just one for ALL of its people, not just those without magic.

this show, somehow, ended without actually addressing either of these things.

it’s amazing. i don’t even know how they managed it. somehow, this show ended without actually ending.

to elaborate on this (and other dropped plots):

a) the once and future king: we never see a united albion. the show is driving at it, in seasons 4 and 5, when arthur makes peace with annis in S4, and then gets annis’s permission to travel through her lands in 5.01, and then helps Mithian’s father in S5, and makes peace with odin in 5.04, and then tries to make peace with the sarrum in 5.08, and it’s all making sense, and you expect that plotline to continue until we see its eventual fulfillment at the end of the show. you would expect, if this were supposed to be such an important thing, that the big struggle at the end of the series would have been all the peoples of albion united together against a threat.

but we never see any of these kingdoms again. we never hear a peep out of them. no one ever mentions them. it’s like they all just vanished into the wind. as far as we’re aware, camelot fights morgana’s army on their own - it’s like annis and odin and godwyn and rodor and those five kings that came together to sign the treaty in 2.10 never existed.

the dragon says at the end, “all you have dreamt of building has come to pass,” but we’re just like - WHERE? we literally didn’t see it! it was never shown to happen! you can’t just say that the most important outcome of your five-season series happened when it never did! it demonstrably NEVER DID! you can’t…..oh my god, you can’t...try to end your show offscreen, lol; i don’t know what else to say!

look - this is something i wrote before i knew how the series ended, when i was considering the possibility of arthur dying:

i wrote that before i even knew what happened. that’s not the result of, you know, retroactive complaining because they killed a character and i didn’t like it. i was doubting the idea that they would even be able to kill arthur, because i legitimately didn’t believe the show had shown us the uniting of albion yet (and they hadn’t, lol).

it just...it truly doesn’t make sense. something got tangled as they approached these last episodes. in 5.10, finna tells merlin, “without you, emrys, arthur cannot build the new world we all long for,” indicating that it hasn’t been built yet. but that scene takes place just a few weeks before the finale - you’re saying “the new world” hadn’t yet been accomplished at that point, but now, a few week later, it has? arthur didn’t DO ANYTHING in that interval! we saw camelot fight off a bunch of invaders (alone) like they’ve done a billion times before. there was nothing to hint that now albion is united.

and if finna was referring to the “new world” meaning a magical world, i mean - arthur didn’t do anything to build that, either. he died.

something happened. some wire got crossed. i don’t know what it was, but it meant that the show ended without actually closing out Main Plotline #1.

b) one day, we will be free: this show also somehow managed to end without addressing the plight of the magical community, which was THE central conflict of the show for all five seasons. more than that, it was the show’s premise - it was how they crafted their entire idea; it was one of two defining features of their pitch to BBC: that they would “wind back the clock” to when the characters were young, and that magic in this universe would be outlawed.

they literally abandoned the show’s premise. the episode directly preceding the finale was entirely about camelot’s wrongdoing and the right of magic-users to stand up and fight for their rights. it is not a crime to fight for the right to be who you are. and then we literally never heard a word about this struggle again. it was dropped like a hot sack of bricks.

IMPOSSIBLE.

and yet

it’s just left, twisting in the wind. we have no idea what happened. the one and only glimpse of camelot that we get at the end of this show has nothing to do with magic; it’s grim and somber people chanting ‘long live the queen’ in the throne room. and then we’re gone from that place, forever, never to return. it’s like they don’t even remember that ‘freedom for magical folk!’ was the driving source of conflict for the entire show. you would never have known that “magical oppression” was ever a feature in this show, if you just watched the end. camelot’s wrongs are never addressed, never referred to, never amended. the fate of the magical community is never hinted at. we don’t have any inkling of what happened to those people. we literally do not even have any indication of whether the magic ban was lifted.

it’s like none of that ever existed. it’s like the show just FORGOT its entire premise.

this truly might be the most unbelievable thing about the finale, for me. i’m still having trouble wrapping my head around it. in a roomful of writers and editors and producers, not a single person pointed out “hey uhhhh...we haven’t actually resolved either of our plots?”

i was exposed to enough vague reactions from fans to expect the finale to be disappointing. i assumed that the show would resolve its major plotlines in ways that i either didn’t approve of or found unsatisfying.

i did NOT expect them not to resolve their major plotlines at all.

i have never seen a tv show literally forget to end. never. never seen that happen before in my life.

c.) i am the last of my kind: the reveal of merlin as a dragonlord ushered in a third important plotline - his responsibility to the dragons, his duty to protect them and help them thrive. and the question was always ‘all right, so as a dragonlord, how is merlin going to ensure the survival of the dragons as a species, since they’ve been almost exterminated - .’ and that was also dropped. like a hot potato. like it never was. we never get clarity on what the heck was going on with aithusa, and then at camlann, aithusa just vanishes. gone. literally never to be seen, mentioned, or wondered about again.

d) i am old, merlin: this is a smaller thing, but in 5.10 the show starts this subplot about kilgharrah being unwell and merlin suddenly confronting the idea that kilgharrah is not, in fact, immortal. and it was actually very poignant and made me emotional despite how kilgharrah kind of drives us insane. they set us up for the idea that we are going to lose him. they set us up to expect that we will eventually see merlin arrive at a place where he doesn’t have that voice in his ear anymore, kind of like when luke goes to cloud city and obi-wan can’t help him.

but then, in the finale, kilgharrah just shows up like he always does, and there’s no mention of anything that came before. he’s fine.

it’s - it’s inconsistent, it’s not appropriate; there’s no emotional throughline. the exchange they have in 5.10 is such a beautiful moment, when a wavering merlin asks “what will i do without you?”

and kilgharrah says, like it’s the simplest thing in the world, “you will remember me.”

that’s such a powerful thing. for someone like merlin, for someone who has lost so many people who mattered to him - you can feel that line expand to cover miles and miles of ground. it’s about more than just kilgharrah.

but having kilgharrah then show up at the end of the finale to deliver his neat little explanatory summary the same way he always does dilutes that previous moment down to almost non-meaning. there’s no emotional consistency. they emotionally prep us for this figure’s departure, and instead he shows up, the same as always, with no reference to the fact that a few episodes ago we were getting ready to watch him leave us.

it’s not good writing. it just isn’t good writing.

iii. i want you to always earn your ending

i think it’s hard to come to grips with the idea that bbc merlin was specifically a show whose kind of...big premise was being a deliciously torturous slow burn up to some massive and long-awaited reveal, and then it fizzled just before it gave the audience what it had been leading up to for five seasons. it’s really just...wow. i’ve seen shows fizzle before, obviously, but the fact that this one was specifically built on the idea that you were waiting for something momentous (and inevitable!) to happen - which then doesn’t happen? that’s just...hoo boy.

the long-awaited, promised “payoff” doesn’t happen in any way that is convincing or satisfying or remotely plausible. it’s a little walk in the woods, and it ultimately doesn’t matter, because as soon as it’s over, so is the show, and everybody except merlin is long dead.

not with a bang, but with a whimper, indeed.

for a show that had its audience waiting on tenterhooks for five seasons for merlin’s secret to be stripped away, the fact that the show’s biggest “payoff” ended up carrying so little weight and feeling so unconvincing is truly a shame. there was no way for the show to give this concept the weight it deserved by flying through it in thirty minutes. the audience knows that there’s no way this could have been resolved so quickly, so everything that happens between the “reveal” (such as it was) and the end feels...false. it doesn’t seem real. it’s not believable. it feels (again, to use the word that truly sums up the entire spirit of this finale) contrived. rushed and squished together to be neatly tied up in the time they had available.

and that’s poor craftsmanship. stories shouldn’t feel like ‘well, i needed to reach x destination no matter what, so i made this that and the other thing happen to ensure that we got there.’ a reader/viewer shouldn’t be able to sense the presence of the author. they shouldn’t be able to feel the hand of god reaching in and arranging pieces to force a conclusion or extract an emotion that hasn’t been earned.

stories, if they are crafted appropriately, should feel like they have no author at all. like they just are. like everything that happens is the natural next step to whatever came before, as if events could not possibly have unfolded any other way. and i don’t feel like the “reveal” and arthur’s reaction to it met those criteria. all the supposedly super sad and emotional moments they were having at the end made me feel absolutely nothing, because the things arthur says don’t feel real. they haven’t been earned in-story. i felt like i was watching that sequence from a hundred miles away...just like...clinical. removed. like i was taken completely out of the story. like i was in the lighting booth of a theater watching some scripted scene play out below me.

(and this might be the time to mention that this has NOTHING to do with the actors. the entire cast was killing it. they were AMAZING. their performance threatened to wring emotion out of me even despite me being completely unconvinced by the idea of what was happening.)

but that aside - how can you stay immersed in something when you can feel the creator’s hand coming down and forcing a resolution that doesn’t make sense, that hasn’t been earned? it snaps you right out of the suspension of disbelief that all stories require you to maintain in order for you to engage with them. the writers needed arthur to say these things sometime before the end of the show, and so he says them, regardless of whether or not it would ever actually happen like that. but i didn’t believe it, because it wouldn’t have happened like that, and so the emotional impact was zero.

here’s the truth: you can’t use lines like “i want you to always be you” and expect me to get weepy about it when you haven’t earned that kind of resolution. it’s a false tearjerker. the writers are relying on our previous emotional attachment to these characters and our burning desire to see merlin validated in order to slip a contrived resolution past us without actually doing the work to make it plausible. they’re playing on our affections in order to cover up the structural shortcomings of the story they cobbled together.

i don’t like when a story tries to manipulate me like that. i’m not going to play that game.

iv. you are destined to be albion’s greatest king (*thor face* are you, though?)

i think there are probably some people out there for whom arthur’s death would have been a dealbreaker no matter what the rest of the story looked like. i respect that.

i’m in the camp where i could have accepted the ‘legend-compliant’ ending, if only it had been earned. as it is, arthur is never allowed to fully realize himself before he dies. the show keeps saying, and i quote, “one day you will be the greatest king this land has ever known,” but arthur skips off to avalon after having reigned for a whopping total of three years, during which time he is not shown to accomplish the only goal that was prophesied for him (uniting the land of albion) and during which time he also becomes further entrenched in his father’s anti-magic views (along with the hypocrisy of using magic for his own purposes), as opposed to ever seeing the error of his ways. he doesn’t right his father’s wrongs. he doesn’t usher in justice and freedom for all camelot’s people. he doesn’t change the status quo in camelot much at all, to be honest - and then he dies. and they try to tell us “there will never be another like [him].”

how? how can that not fall completely flat? he hasn’t accomplished his goal yet! he hasn’t become what they’ve kept telling us he will become.

so i can understand the ultimate plan of arthur shuffling off this mortal coil and being prophesied to return, and i could even accept that as an appropriate ending, but not when it hasn’t been earned. the way it actually unfolded, watching this moment feels like we skipped a season somewhere. it feels like a sham.

we’re being asked to give arthur credit for something he did not actually achieve, and it makes the whole thing feel like a farce.

v. gratuitousness and inconsistency

i had no emotional reaction when i realized they had actually killed gwaine.

that is insane, because you know how much i love him. but his death was so ridiculous that I actually started laughing in disbelief. and that in and of itself should be a sign that something wasn’t working. when your emotional beats are landing this wrong - falling this flat - something has slid fundamentally sideways with your storytelling.

i laughed when they killed my favorite knight! but what other reaction was i supposed to have? it was laughably silly! the premise itself was already foolish - that gwaine and percival would even come out here and endanger arthur in that way - and then gwaine dies because morgana used a nathair to extract information from him? we’ve seen morgana use the nathair twice before! she tortured elyan with it. she used it on alator. neither of them died. it’s never been indicated that being tortured with this creature will kill you. which isn’t to say that it can’t be the case, but from a writing perspective, if you’re going to use a sudden inconsistency to kill a major character, it’s noticeable! it’s jarring! and it makes us feel, once again, that the writers just grasped at any little thing they could think of to make what they wanted to happen happen.

and then there’s the whole question of why they wanted gwaine to die in the first place. what purpose did it serve? gwaine didn’t have to die in order for morgana to get the information the writers wanted her to have. and you’d assume that if they still killed him after that, that there would be a reason for it, or that it would at least...matter, somehow, but - WE LITERALLY NEVER HEAR ABOUT HIM AGAIN LOL. i wasn’t even sure he was dead at first. that’s how insignificant it felt. i felt like zuko in the ember island players.

that’s it. we never see him or percival again after that scene. there’s this weird moment where percival examines a footprint and the implication is that he’s going to follow morgana or something, but then it never happens. it’s like the showrunners ran out of time and were like ‘ok well, we just won’t be able to get back to that dangling thread.’ they gratuitously axed their most developed knight and then forgot they did it.

that’s why i laughed. it was so unbelievably bad - there was literally nothing else for me to do.

vi. let the bodies hit the floor (but like, anticlimactically)

i don’t feel like i need to examine mordred and morgana’s fates too closely, because i suspect the subject of “they deserved better” has already been done to death, and that’s kind of a different conversation than what i’m dealing with here. i’m not here right now to argue that they should have lived (though of course, yeah, i have my opinions on what would have made a better story), i’m just here to deal with how ineffectively the story we did get was executed.

one thing that amazes me is that when i watched the S5 deleted scenes, i realized that the showrunners did in fact originally have the right ideas about making morgana and mordred’s arcs deeper/more nuanced, but somehow these ideas never made it into the final cut. there are two deleted scenes that change so much about what could have been - one where arthur and merlin are talking about morgana and arthur is expressing regret and confusion about what happened to her, and merlin says it’s not arthur’s fault, that “there were others better placed to help morgana,” indicating his own guilty feelings.

and the other one was after mordred defected to morgana, where he has a whole conversation with her about how he thinks there is still GOOD in arthur!!!! he’s uncertain about what he’s doing! I JUST

i can’t believe

they had the seeds

of this better story

and they consciously decided not to pursue them. it’s not like they didn’t have the idea. it’s not like they just never thought of it. they thought of it, filmed it, and deliberately removed it. unfathomable.

it’s also pretty remarkable that the big baddie they’ve been touting for the last three seasons just pegs out from a stab wound in about 5 seconds as we’re being hustled on to something else. there is no space devoted to morgana’s death scene (such as it was…). it’s a parenthesis. it feels like, ‘oh we gotta get this out of the way quick hurry up let’s move on.’

and the thing is, i am not wholly opposed to the idea of morgana ultimately destroying herself - it’s not necessarily my first choice, but there are ways they could have gone that route and still told a meaningful story - but if they wanted to go that way, her death would have to matter. it would have to be treated like the terrible failure it represents. it would have to be given the weight of tragedy.

but structurally, the way this scene is set up, there is no way for this to happen. the viewers are already hyper-strung out on tension, when she appears, because they’re suddenly starting to get this horrible realization that one of the show’s two central characters might actually be about to die, but nobody wants to stop clinging to hope despite their bad feelings so there’s just this desperate, screamingly loud ticking clock running in the background, and when morgana shows up in the middle of that clenching fear, there’s absolutely no way her death can receive the attention she deserves. the audience doesn’t have room for something like that. they don’t have room to feel anything on top of what they’re already feeling. they’re already about to explode. they’re already maxed out on investment. they can’t focus on her; they want her to disappear because something more urgent is going on.

and so the show hustles us past her, and her death is just this blip. it barely registers. if you sneezed, you would miss it.

(and then mordred, for his part, doesn’t even have the benefit of a structural problem to explain the anticlimax of his death. he just gets taken out like the trash. for a character that they just spent all this time developing and making sympathetic - boy.)

i think...the thing, ultimately, is this: if this show truly felt that what they had to do was take their previously hopeful premise and stun their audience with the death of the hero, then they should have understood that trying to stack other things on top of that is too much. trying to squash morgana’s death right up against arthur’s is foolish. it’s ridiculous to expect your audience to be able to process morgana’s death and arthur’s in-progress dying at the same time. these two things happen within two minutes of each other. the audience has been following these characters for five years. it’s unreasonable to expect your audience to hold so much emotion at once.

vii. you’ll just have to trust me

the last thing i want to say is a more general thing.

the rest of this analysis focused on the ways in which the finale is poorly-crafted, rather than on my personal feelings about who they did dirty. it’s not really about my own personal thoughts re: the merits of killing gwaine and morgana and mordred and arthur or stranding merlin across the centuries; it’s about if these things (and all the other things in these episodes) were done effectively, and the answer, sadly, is no. the show could have killed all these people and still written something i would have respected (even though it would have been devastating), but that’s not what happened.

but here, at the end, i think i can make room for a little sentiment.

so what i want to reflect on here is this: ultimately, i don’t end up rejecting stories just because they do things i don’t like. the pre-finale episodes were filled with things i didn’t like. i hated how merlin turned mordred and kara in instead of letting them run. i hated how he let the execution proceed. i hated how arthur refused to see the injustice of his own actions. i hated how merlin was getting so wrapped up in ‘make sure arthur doesn’t die’ that everything else was fading away, that he was doing things he could never have done in good conscience before. but i was still deeply wrapped up in these stories, because i believed they were plausible and true. i accepted them. it made sense to me, that these things would be happening, dark and unpleasant as they were.

i don’t start rejecting stories just because they go places i don’t want them to go. i start rejecting stories when i feel they’ve betrayed my trust.

writers and readers/viewers can only ever move together if they trust each other. i allow stories to take me places i don’t want to go because i trust the authors to keep me safe while we travel. i know that they may take me somewhere i don’t want to be, but i trust that they will never take me somewhere i don’t need to be. i trust that they are taking me somewhere intentionally, with the story’s integrity in mind. a creator i trust can take their story anywhere, because i know they will take care. a creator i trust can end their story tragically, because they remember that i am experiencing it alongside them. they don’t surprise-punt me off the edge of the cliff so i can crash, alone, into the painful conclusion. they carry me the whole way, and by the time we get to the end of the line, we can both look back and see that the road that led us here was straight and true. i don’t fault them for taking me here. it was the right place to go.

the end of merlin didn’t feel like that to me. putting aside the fact that it was all so contrived that it didn’t even feel real (illustrated clearly enough in the ten pages above) - the truth is that even if it had displayed the highest quality writing in the world, the way this show ended felt like the audience had been abandoned. the bond of trust between the creator and the consumer was severed. the show forgot to take care.

i’m a ‘galaxy far far away’ girl first and foremost, so i’ll borrow an excerpt from the world according to star wars in order to make my point:

kasdan: i think you should kill luke and have leia take over.

lucas: you don’t want to kill luke.

kasdan: okay, then kill yoda.

lucas: i don’t want to kill yoda. you don’t have to kill people. you’re a product of the 1980’s. you don’t go around killing people. it’s not nice.

kasdan: no, i’m not. i’m trying to give the story some kind of edge to it…

lucas: by killing somebody, i think you alienate the audience. (x)

i think merlin forgot this.

i’m not saying that merlin shouldn’t have killed anybody at the end of their show. i’m not even saying that they shouldn’t have killed arthur. i’m saying that they forgot to take care.

merlin bbc betrayed their audience. you cannot take a show whose underlying theme has consistently been the promise of better things and then turn around and end it like that without taking special care of the people who are watching. you cannot just take an audience who has spent five years listening to someone bright and full of unflinching hope say - without any indication that anyone should doubt the certainty of this statement - “one day things will be better” and expect them to walk into this kind of ending safely.

by killing someone, i think you alienate the audience. and this doesn’t mean that nobody can ever die. but it does mean that if you’re going to kill someone, you have to understand that there is going to be an automatic pain reaction from your viewers/readers/etc, and if you want to maintain their trust, you have to take so much care. you have to be sure that you know exactly what you’re doing. you have to be sure that it’s the right thing. the only thing. you have to make sure that it doesn’t betray the fundamental promises you’ve made whilst crafting the rest of your story.

the end of merlin is truly stunning in a) its utter reversal/unfulfillment of every major promise that comprised its premise and b) the casualness with which it throws its characters away in the last episode. it’s not just “killing someone.” it’s a slaughter. we have to watch almost half the cast die onscreen, and then at the very end literally everybody is dead except merlin himself.

and this is merlin! not game of thrones! merlin is a “family show;” that’s what the writers/directors/producers keep calling it when you listen to the episode commentaries and they talk about how they can’t show certain things or make it too bloody. they wanted to follow in the tradition of “big, kind of epic family-entertaining shows, that—across generations—work on lots of different levels.” but i cannot imagine a young person who has watched this show for five years coming into the finale to see mordred and gwaine and morgana and arthur violently executed, and to see gwen in mourning, and merlin anguished and then more alone than he ever was even when he was hiding his secret, and then, whoop, there’s the credits, that’s all folks. aren’t you glad you got on this ride?

the show ends without fulfilling any of the promises it made repeatedly for years. the liberation of magic, the uniting of albion, and, for merlin, especially, the long-predicted day when he would be known and recognized for who he was - all forgotten. all abandoned. the finale finishes without giving the audience any of the things that they have spent five years being told to expect. the show rewards five years of emotional investment with death and desolation. it breaks all of its promises. it doesn’t take care.

i was lucky enough to have been so disconnected by how shockingly bad these episodes were that i mostly sat there shock-laughing at them in disbelief, the first time i watched. but going through them again to put this write-up together was just like - that’s when a deep sadness kicked in, for me. not at the ending itself, exactly, because, as i’ve said before, it was so poorly put-together that i can’t even see it as real. but just - at the idea that i still had to see it, period. that i had to witness this thing that i loved so much descend into this misery, for all that i didn’t recognize it as something plausible or true. that i still had to watch merlin drag arthur all over creation, still trying, still scrabbling for that sliver of hope, only to have arthur bite the dust like ten feet from their destination. that all merlin ever wanted in his life was to be accepted and loved for who he is, and that he put all of this on hold so he could (supposedly) bring about a world where it would be possible, and then he never gets it. that a life of hiding himself and believing that everybody around him hated who he was inside - that was as good as it was ever going to get, for him.

the writers just - piled it on. ‘you can watch mordred die, even though we just went to all this effort to make you root for him! and now you can watch gwaine die (why????? we don’t know!!! it doesn’t change the story, but why don’t you watch it happen anyway!). and now you can watch morgana die! but don’t look too long, because arthur is dying! and now you can see camelot cold and in mourning - but only for one second, because now you can see merlin, who we never showed meeting any of his friends ever again, wandering around as a solitary old man thousands of years after everybody else is dead and the universe we spent the last five seasons living in no longer exists!!!!!!’

unbelievable.

it doesn’t upset me in the sense of “it’s so terrible that the story ended that way” because i know it didn’t, really. it was contrived and false enough that i laughed through most of the episode. i know it isn’t the way things would have gone, and i won’t have any trouble forgetting it; whereas if it had been well-done, i wouldn’t have been able to dismiss it so easily. but i still had to watch it, regardless. you’re forced to watch it, because you care, and the creators know you care enough not to look away, and they use that trust to keep you glued there while they gut-punch you over and over and over again and then peace out without concluding any of their plotlines, saying, “isn’t it clever??? we really fooled you, didn’t we? technically, we fulfilled the prophecies - nobody ever said any of the characters would get to enjoy the new world they would build! i bet you’re so surprised!”

it leaves you stunned.

it’s so...mean.

it’s so careless.

i don’t have any desire to subject myself to that a second time. after i’m done with this post, i know i’m never going to watch those episodes again. they weren’t good, first of all; and if you need more clarification on that, please see the first ten pages of this document. but more importantly, i don’t feel the need to subject myself once again to the callous disregard for the trust i gave this show’s creators.

if i’m supposed to trust a creator to carry me over rough terrain, i’m trusting them to carry me all the way to the end. they can’t violently dump me to the ground two feet before the finish line, run me over with an ATV, and then expect me to willingly climb back into their arms.

viii: if you want something done right

in conclusion, i guess the one nice thing about this is that we can crawl the last two feet ourselves.

for me, sadly, i think canon!merlin is always going to end at 5.11. the last two episodes don’t feel believable to me. i couldn’t watch them and be convinced that i was watching something plausible; i felt like i was watching two hours of scripted theater. which is, of course, what we’re always doing - but if the story had been crafted appropriately, we shouldn’t have realized it. we shouldn’t have been able to feel the writer’s hand reaching in and making improbable things happen. we shouldn’t have been laughing in disbelief as supposedly “sad” things were happening in front of us, and we definitely shouldn’t have been almost falling off the couch because the last scene was so jarring we thought it was an advertisement. (the TRUCK, people. blaring across the screen and bulldozering through medieval fantasy-adventure show merlin bbc. nothing on earth or in high heaven could have prepared me for that moment.)

but the one good thing about a piece of media that ended so unsatisfactorily is that it lights a fire under people’s butts to go ahead and sort of...row the boat themselves. i was afraid, before i watched this, that seeing it would make me never want to go back to merlin again. i put off finishing season 5 for an entire year because i was in the middle of writing a fic and i thought that if the end of the show upset me, i would never want to write another word. but now that i’m finished, i’m relieved to be able to say that the finale, while it will always be a bitterly disappointing sore spot, was also SO laughably bad that i don’t feel the slightest compunction about just...letting it lie unrecognized. if it were well-crafted and i was just ignoring it because it made me sad, i’d feel guilty for being petty. but it was Just Actually That Bad, so my conscience is clear.

and so is the path to more fun things, i hope, because that is the point of fandom, in the end, to have fun with something you love in the company of other people who love it the same way.

i hope i haven’t written the last merlin thing i’ll ever write. i hope there’s more inside me that i want to say. i hope i haven’t come in too late to make connections. i hope i’ll enjoy rewatching (most of) this show someday. i couldn’t imagine that any of these things would be true, when i knew the end was going to be a let-down, but now that i’ve finished, i feel like there’s infinite room to play, and that, at least, makes me smile.

i’ve said before that this was a hell of a ride. it ended in a trainwreck, sure, but i’m not sorry i got on.

#the once and future slowburn #merlin S5 #meta

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rallamajoop · 4 years ago

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A few rambling notes on my Witcher WIP list

Witcher fandom has done something to me, I do not know what. I have more different fics in progress (mostly Geralt/Regis or Geralt/Yennefer/Regis) in various open word documents than I have had in years – most of them short, and (even excluding the 3 I’ve already posted) several already somewhere in the basically done pending final edits/betaing/the inevitable 3-day debate over how to title and summarise this bastard-stage. That is some pretty atyptical productivity by my usual standards; we’ll have to see how it lasts.

More to the point, something about this fandom has me churning out these weird mix-and-match ficlets. Like, I have the beginnings of a Geralt/Regis/Yennefer sequel to a (as yet unposted) Geralt/Regis ficlet about a post-B&W-spontaneous-drunken-hook-up – but it made sense to me to just kind of avoid mentioning the status of the whole Geralt/Yennefer relationship during that initial drunken-hook-up fic, so that anyone who’d rather take it as a standalone from a ‘verse where Geralt and Yen never got back together can. In fact, there are already two different versions of that drunken-hook-up fic (preliminary titles: ‘happy-drunk-sex’ and ‘angsty-drunk-sex’), picking up from the different possible B&W endings, and either of them could theoretically lead into that G/R/Y sequel (or not). And then I found myself going, okay, but is it even really necessary to specify which angsty-B&W ending this is, given that there’s no outcome where everyone lives and Regis doesn’t leave – so you can have Geralt sitting there second-guessing all his choices little realising he’d be sitting there feeling almost exactly the same regardless of what those choices were? How can I resist that?

And so on. I mean, congratulations if you even managed to follow all the above – hopefully I’m going to find some better way of explaining it all in the fics themselves.

Now, the obvious excuse would be that playing choose-your-own-adventure is only what the games do, so perhaps it’s natural to carry the same logic into fic. Only problem being that I’ve already landed myself in the same boat with book-verse fic, given how I’m already telling people From the Wisdom of Bards can be taken as a sequel to the less-cracktastic A Decent Proposition, but could also just be a standalone thing if that’s what works better for you (and it may well do).

And lest you suppose that one might be an isolated case, there’s also this little Yennefer/Regis-“heeeeyyyy, what if Regis knew Yennefer from years before he ever met Geralt, and just never got around to mentioning it“-backstory fic I have started writing (look, I am determined to make this OT3 work even if I have to build that missing leg from scratch). It could feed directly into a post-B&W sequel where Yen and Regis finally get around to mentioning all this to Geralt – or it could be a prequel to that other book!verse AU I have planned-but-not-started, which is basically a retelling of A Shard of Ice only where the old flame Yennefer’s involved with on the side is Regis instead of Istredd and instead of her breaking it off with both of them, it ends in an OT3.

Figuring out how to sort all this nonsense into series on AO3 is going to be a hoot, seriously.

Then again, this is also the point where the savvier reader is probably saying, “joop, this is nothing you haven’t been doing for years – remember that old Cable/Deadpool teen AU that went even more AU because you were having too much fun to pick just one option? Or that Venom fic you eventually posted as a five-things scenario? All you needed was the excuse.” – and would probably be right.

(Leftover fic ideas that I have not found an excuse to mention yet because they are less complicated: that one crackfic where Geralt has to deal with the fact that not only has he just had an ill-considered drunken one-night-stand with Dandelion, but Dandelion is now trying to write a ballad about it, and a Discworld AU probably-also-crackfic where Regis is a black-ribboner and Geralt is a grumpy magical exterminator – because honestly I feel like The Witcher and Discworld’s senses of humour blend much better than they get credit for, and let’s face it, ‘exterminator’ is basically what Geralt’s job description becomes the moment you stick him anywhere half as modern as Ankh-Morpork. Oh, and that one Amnesia!Geralt/Regis fic my beta is looking at now.)

In short, I am having way too much fun with this fandom, and we may have to just wait and see how many of these do actually get written and/or posted (I mean, let’s be realistic here: my record for clearing out any fannish to-do list is no better than anyone’s).

Still, if anyone would like to try and nudge me towards one or another of all those potential WIPs, rest assured that replies and tags do always get noticed around these parts.

#geregis #yennefer #regis #geralt of rivia #dandelion #fic #the witcher #oh the joy of figuring out how to tag for an OT3 maybe noone else ships

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gloss-kitten · 5 years ago

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Gift ~ teaser

Summary → As Jungkook turns 20 his doting hyung, Jin, decides to give him the unique gift of experiencing a night with his girlfriend.

Pairing → Jungkook x Reader / Seokjin x Reader / Jungkook x Seokjin

Genre → Smut x Fluff

Word Count → TBA

tHIS IS A ‘TEASER’ BUT I want it out there so I edit and post faster but I sincerely love this whole idea and what the fuck else am I meant to do during lockdown?

You stepped out of the elevator and into the hotel bar feeling like royalty.

Waiters were instantly in your personal space, proffering trays of champagne, it felt almost rude not to take one.

Thankfully, as soon as you accepted a glass they backed off, smiling. You smiled back at them, trying to meet each waiter in the eye, wanting somehow to convey that you were really like them, you were usually the server and not the being served - but they had already bowed and backed away.It didn't matter, you chastised yourself - you were here as a guest tonight.

Of course you swept confidently into the ballroom but made an automatic semi-circle to the bar, ignoring the throngs of celebrity guests.

Yes, you were a VIP tonight, but dear god you weren't a celebrity, and as long as you could hold a drink upright and keep a smile in a nice dress, maybe the rest of them wouldn't figure out that you probably weren't meant to be here.

You leaned casually against the bar, and when the bartender immediately looked at you, you raised your glass of champagne good-naturedly, to let him know you weren't in need of his assistance.

Perfect, you could do this.

A pair of hands gripped your hips, and a voice whispered almost sinfully in your ear,

"Hey sweetheart, you seen anyone famous?"

Ah, you knew that voice of course. You didn't even turn around.

"Not yet, but I'll let you know" you said at a normal volume, staring straight ahead.

You saw Park Jimin grin wickedly back at you as he walked away.

He knew who you were waiting for.

You signaled to the bartender for another drink.

"You look amazing" Seokjin said as he slid an arm around your waist. You turned to face him and smirked.

"I know" you agreed, making him laugh. Over his shoulder, you saw a familiar set of wide eyes staring, "Ah, hi Jungkook! Congratulations and happy birthday"

Jungkook responded by bowing stiffly and then he quite literally ran away.

"What the f-"

"Oh don't mind him" Seokjin said quickly, noticing your confusion. He lowered his voice to a whisper. "Are you wearing it?"

Quickly glancing around, you pulled the shoulder of your dress down slightly, revealing the scarlet lace strap of the silk baby doll you were wearing as part of the lingerie set he'd insisted you wear tonight.

Usually Seokjin would make a pained noise, or try to discreetly grab you places he knew he shouldn't in public - however this time he just broke into a wide smile and said "Good!"

Not really the reaction you were going for.

You mingled a little, glad you no longer needed to avoid Seokjin the way you had at the award ceremony. You knew he would insist that he had to greet and thank every person there, and as tedious as it was for you to follow him around and nod pleasantly, the proud smile on your face was genuine.

However, you were only there for about half an hour before Seokjin whispered that you should head up to your room. Surprised but eager to get away from the party and get your hands on him, you grabbed his hand and made a beeline for the elevator.

You gazed out of the huge ceiling to floor window in his suite, and couldn't help but remark on how utterly beautiful the city looked at night time.

Hearing no response, you turned and saw Seokjin furiously typing on his phone. He’d undone his top button and tie, but hadn’t removed his suit jacket. He clearly wasn’t paying attention to a word you’d said.

“Seokjin-ah!” you snapped, causing him to jump about half a foot in the air and nearly drop his phone.

He stared up at you, and saw you wearing your beautiful dress and a deep frown.

“I’m sorry” He approached you, and caressed your arms gently. Trying to stay mad while he stroked your skin was difficult, he looked and smelled so damn good. “You look beautiful tonight.”

“Thank you”

“Jungkookie thought so too.”

“Did he” you said, disinterested.

Seokjin tilted your chin upwards so you were staring right at him.

“You like Jungkook, right?”

“Are we really having this conversation again?” you groaned.

Just days earlier Seokjin had been asking you if you thought the youngest member was attractive, how attractive, what sort of things he looked good in - you presumed he was trying to quell his own jealousy, which was unusual in itself, Seokjin never, ever got jealous of you with the boys. It was obvious their bond was closer than family, and you knew Seokjin trusted you too, so he never looked twice when Taehyung laid across your lap, or Hoseok insisted you caress his hair while he slept. One of your favourite things about Seokjin was how comfortable he was when you were with his bandmates.

But lately, he kept bringing Jungkook up in conversation, even asking if you’d ever date him were you single.

“But you think he’s handsome don’t you?”

“Yes, he’s handsome” you sighed

“You know he’s never properly been with a girl, don’t you?”

“He had girlfriends in school”

“Yeah but - he’s never been with anyone in that way, and if he could pick anyone I know he’d pick you.”

You said nothing. Where the hell was this going? You stared at Seokjin and he just stared right back, face blank.

“And I…” he swallowed nervously, “I mean I would be okay with that, if you were.”

There was an awkward pause, and it took you several seconds before you realised exactly what Seokjin was implying. Your mouth fell open in shock as you glared at your partner -

“I said Jungkook could lose his virginity with you as a birthday present” Seokjin said very quickly

“You said WHAT” you shrieked, surprised at the pitch you'd reached.

“He loves you, and you love him. And when else is he going to get the chance?" Seokjin burbled hastily, "He trusts you, Y/N, as do I. I know you’d take care of him!”

“You’d let me sleep with someone else?” you said dumbly

“Not someone else.” he said seriously, taking your hands in his. “Jungkook. And I’d be there too, in case you got uncomfortable.”

You were speechless. As the seconds ticked by, it had became painfully obvious that while you hadn’t said yes - you hadn’t said no. You could do it now, just utter the word and stop all this nonsense. Somehow, you were unable to say it.

A knock on the door interrupted you and made Seokjin jump again. He looked flustered as he stood up.

“I just, I’m sorry - just wait -“ he said You heard him unlock the door as you busied yourself with the minibar, definitely needing a drink. The mumbled voices at the door grew louder, and you heard a familiar voice shout,

“You mean she didn’t know?”

“Jungkook! - just get inside!” Seokjin hissed.

Jungkook stumbled around the corner and stopped when he saw you. His tie hung loosely underneath his two undone collar buttons and you caught yourself wondering, not for the first time, what was underneath his shirt.

“I’m sorry noona” He babbled “This was a really stupid idea,”

“It’s not a stupid idea” Seokjin interjected, placing a hand on his band mates shoulder. “It's a perfectly fine idea. Jungkook - I know how much you want this, it’s just up to Y/N now.” Jin tried to hide his smirk while Jungkook stared at you.

#jinkook #seokjin x jungkook #jungkook fic #jin fic #jin x reader #jungkook x reader #bangtan fix #bts fic #jeongguk fic #seokjin fic #bts x reader #bts smut #bangtan smut #bangtan fluff #kim seokjin #jeon jungkook #seokjin #jungkook #jeongguk

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radramblog · 3 years ago

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More Inevitable Hot Takes- MTG Announcement Day edition

I only have myself to blame for this one. I forgot this was upcoming, and I went and blathered about dumb preview cards from most of a month ago anyway. Well, now I’ve got to spend two posts in one week talking about Magic cards. Woe is me?

Once a year, WoTC has a big day where they announce, like, everything for the next year’s releases. And with the picking up speed of set releases, there’s a lot there, and thereby I have a lot to talk about.

To be clear, I’ve deliberately avoided Magic Twitter and Magic Reddit for these announcements. Tis a silly pair of places.

Standard Sets 2022

In order:

Kamigawa Neon Dynasty is very concerning, as one of the people who’s a genuine big fan of the original Kamigawa block. The thing is, I like Kamigawa, with it’s spirits and artwork and samurai and the like. I like cyberpunk, with the aesthetic and the themes and the music. I’m not sure I’m going to like the two combined. We better see some fucking weird-ass spirits, and I’ll only be slightly annoyed if they’re cyber-ghosts or whatnot as long as they maintain that bomb-ass art design.

We have a new plane and a set to go with it, which is cool and nice. Urban Fantasy is a thing Ravnica already did, to be honest, but if I had to guess, Streets of New Capenna is going to be a much more low-fantasy, noir-y take on the genre. I think I saw something about Azra returning, which is cool. That one on the key art looks…very Ob Nixilis-y, though.

And then we’re going back to Dominaria and actually doing The Brother’s War, again? I think Urza block was about that arc, though the Dominaria United set might be like, before all that nonsense. They might have given details, I wouldn’t have seen them, I’m going based on someone’s TL;DR. I’m excited to finally have a Mishra card that isn’t the Time Spiral one, though I’m concerned about how they’re going to make an Urza and a Mishra that are both powerful enough for the iconic characters but not so powerful as to be dominant in the Standard they’ll be legal in.

So, so much Universes Beyond

I think the four Warhammer 40k precon decks is kind of exactly what I was hoping we were going to get for that particular crossover. Just enough to get fans happy and make some fun new cards, not enough that there’s a ridiculous influx of Tyranids into Magic’s annals. I’d be interested to see what regular Magic cards translate well into these decks, seeing as they’ll have to be 40k-ified.

I feel similarly about the Baldur’s gate Commander draft set. I remember fans of that particular D&D spinoff were frustrated with the lack of representation in AFR (I think Minsk was like the only thing they got), so now they have a whole set to work with. Ultimately, D&D is now already, and interminably a part of Magic’s multiverse, and more from those particular realms isn’t going to make anything super fucky. Also, Commander Legends was cool as hell, and this is going to be another one of those, so that’s a plus.

And…a Lord of the Rings set? Like, a full set? I’m assuming whatever got them 40K also got them rights to tabletop LOTR, seeing as Games Workshop has run the LOTR tabletop game for a while. Like with D&D, the medium-high fantasy of LOTR crosses over pretty well into Magic, so I’m not worried about that kind of cockup making things Feel Weird. I’m a little confused about the legality of the set, though, seeing as it’s in Arena, but not Standard legal, but it is Modern legal? What and why and what about Pioneer or Historic?

Secret Lairs

Few hits, few misses, though I remember seeing spoilers from a few that aren’t on this list. Presumably, the Art Series: Johannes Voss, Thomas M. Baxa, and Purrfection and Math is for Blockers were announced separately? Anyway.

Hits: The Kamigawa Ink cards look drop-dead gorgeous, holy shit. Add in the fact that I already play two of those cards and that the others are all cards I like? Might have to get that one. Math is for Blockers is a fun lineup though I don’t…really get the theme? Both Artist Series look incredible, though I’m not huge on the card lineups.

Misses: PURRFECTION would be great if it wasn’t apparently a convention exclusive and also if the art of cats were on cat cards. It’s cute as fuck, but eh. The old-format walkers are frustrating, but I’m not as against them as a lot of people are- like they’re ugly, but not worth throwing a fucking fit over. I weep for any new player staring one of these down, especially if they barely understand planeswalkers in the first place and/or haven’t seen one of these particular ones before. Also, the art is kinda just ugly.

And then there’s the Universes Beyond ones. Fortnite and Street Fighter, both with new cards that will eventually have regular versions (which leads me to wonder if TWD will do the same). There’s a clear attempt here to hit the zoomers and the boomers in the community, though the former probably won’t have the money to afford the Secret Lair if they’re burning all their cash on V-Bucks. It’s…not a great look? Like I’m not opposed to cartoony art styles (the Goblins Kaboom SL looked great!) but Fortnite’s in particular looks like dogshit in my eyes and I’m not looking forward to seeing it in a Magic frame. Street Fighter I’m more excited for, because I like Street Fighter, and because they confirmed Chun-Li is going to have multikicker which is kind of perfect. Obviously we’re going to have to see the cards, but in one case I’m dreading that, and in the other I’m welcoming it.

Other Cards

We have more Challenger Decks, for Pioneer this time. The decklists are already out, and they look pretty solid! The Challenger Decks have been pretty cool previously, a really solid set of lists that only needed a bit of tweaking to be FNM-viable, but they were held back by the fact that they were often released not long before rotation. With Pioneer being a non-rotating format, this is going to be great for getting people into the format.

Another Double Masters set is…egh. It’s another thing that’s not for me, I can’t afford to whale on that shit. With shipping and conversion those packs end up ludicrously expensive in Perth, and I’m pretty sure I only got to play with one the first time. Also, this one is going to have all the collectable nonsense of 2020/21 Magic, which is going to be A Lot.

And another Jumpstart. Eh. Don’t cock the shipping on this one up and it’ll probably be okay.

Commander Collection Black is here, and the list is already out. The Green one ended up way overpriced, but at least in this case the cards are all super playable. Actually, they were for Green too, I think, but hey there’s a Deluge reprint and a flip Lilli, so. I kinda miss the Signature Spellbook series already, though.

Finally, Unfinity. Another Un-Set. Unstable was a fucking incredible set, both on a comedic level and as one of the sickest draft formats in a long time, so I’m excited to see that one followed up. On the other hand, Unsanctioned kind of landed with a dull thud. Apparently though, they got some of the folks from LRR (among others) to help write names and flavour text for this set, and I love those guys to death, so I can at least guarantee the comedy element will be present for this one.

Other stuff?

Well we have a date for the Netflix series. I have a hard time believing it’s actually happening. When I first started playing was around when rumours and announcements were still happening regarding a full-on movie, and that basically didn’t go anywhere. So it’s a little surprising to have a solid, actual time frame for Magic Story Content in Video Form. I haven’t kept with the story for a fair bit at this point (since Dominaria, tbh), so I’ve got no idea if it’s been any good, and as to whether this will be any good. Considering apparently Gideon’s in the lead, my hopes aren’t huge.

The only other thing is Pins. I like Pins. I have a bunch of them on my bag. I would like to get more Magic pins. So this is good.

And that, I think, is the sum total of it. These announcements always end up with a combination of excitement, trepidation, and dread, but I think this is leading more on the positive end of that spectrum. There’s still way too many fucking sets, but I think that is largely at Hasbro’s feet. The money machine must keep churning, after all. Maybe someday Magic and WoTC as a whole will be able to unshackle themselves from that particular constraint, but I am not holding my breath.

#ramble #mtg #hot takes

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ljandersen · 4 years ago

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Hi! I was wondering if you’d be willing to share a little (or a lot! I’m not picky) about your process for writing Burning Barriers? Things you researched, things that gave you inspiration, any of it. I’m having a blast reading it and I’m so curious about what all went into writing it! (And it’s totally okay if you don’t want to! I just had to let you know how much I’m enjoying it!)

Wow! I’m incredibly flattered by this ask. I think it’s the first time I’ve gotten an ask about my writing that wasn’t part of a game. I was ecstatic to see it in my inbox. Thank you for taking the time and interest to send it. “Burning Barriers” is my favorite posted story. I love talking about it. I’m humbled when anyone actually wants to know something about it. Anyway, seriously, I appreciate getting this ask. It made my day!

On to the actual question though: The inspiration for writing the book had a lot to do with what lead into me writing fanfiction. “Burning Barriers” was the first piece of fanfiction I wrote and the first novel-length story I finished. In a lot of ways, it was a turning point in my writing. I’d written my whole life, but for the most part, I’d gradually given it up during grad school and internship rotations. It turns out, though, corporate healthcare can be quite dehumanizing and impersonal. My career wasn’t what I thought. I decided I needed to return to what I loved doing, which was writing.

Initially, I decided it was time to write that masterpiece of literary fiction I’d always planned on writing. I made detailed outlines and character sheets. I had each beat perfectly aligned for a four-act story structure. I had the character arcs. Subplots were variations on the theme and parallel to the main story, just like the writing books recommended. Everything was set to finally write The Masterpiece. And . . .

I stalled out.

I was too overwhelmed to write this overblown piece of art. I knew I couldn’t live up to my own expectations. I’d decided to return to writing, but nothing as happening.

I loved writing, but I also always loved video games. I’d played all the Dragon Age games as each came out. I had no idea Mass Effect existed. In 2018, my sister came across it. After playing the ME trilogy, she recommended it to me. I loved it. With the three games tying together and having the same protagonist, who spoke and had a name, I became enthralled. Then came the ending with Shepard dying on the Crucible.

The credits rolled. Moon boy had just asked about “The Shepard,” and this was it. Was Shepard alive or dead? What about her love interest, in this case, Kaidan? What about their story? What about Shepard’s story as a person? It just ended. Cut off.

While I appreciate the bittersweet nature of the ending, I didn’t have any closure. I kept thinking, “How would I have ended it?” There were a few elements in particular that I thought would be interesting to explore more: fraternization and biotics. It’s always interested me when a super hero loses her power. What if Shepard couldn’t use her biotics? As for fraternization, I understood it being dismissed in ME-3, but what about after? They want to be together but rules are falling back into place. It’s always interesting when two people are forbidden to be together by external forces. There were so many interesting way to play out these different ideas.

I kept thinking about this hypothetical ending for my game. Finally, I decided I should just write it. It was going to be a short story for myself. I just needed it out of my system. Maybe it would be a good warm up to finally writing The Masterpiece. I started writing my ending for ME.

I had a very vague plot in mind. As I started writing, the plot became more than just a vehicle for finding closure with Shepard and Kaidan’s love story. I had only planned on writing Shepard’s POV, but as I drew closer to a section in the story that I knew Shepard couldn’t tell, I realized I needed someone else to take over the story. Skipping forward in time as I initially planned wouldn’t be satisfying. I decided to make the story three parts, and Kaidan would tell part two. I would return back to Shepard’s POV for the last part.

I was nervous switching POV and thought a lot about how Shepard and Kaidan would tell their story differently. Shepard is fast, goal-oriented, no-nonsense, and avoids uncomfortable, emotional rumination. Kaidan, however, is more self-aware and honest with his feelings. He’s reflective, cautious, and has a deeper internal life. The idea of contrasting the POV while keeping a consistent narrative voice was a interesting challenge. In the end, switching POV didn’t turn out to be as difficult as I thought, and I really enjoyed writing a part of the story from Kaidan’s eyes.

As I approached part three, where Kaidan’s POV would end, I realized dropping his side would feel disappointing in a way. The story had become as much Kaidan’s story as it was Shepard’s. They needed to tell the ending together. The decision to alternate POV in part three even gave the story cohesion: 1. Shepard 2. Kaidan 3. Shepard and Kaidan. It felt right. I was surprised I hadn’t thought of that from the beginning.

The story was starting to become big. Somewhere into writing part 1, I realized this was a more serious endeavor than a throw-away short story. So I got serious. I knew my ending for the story, and I decided to dissect apart what would make the ending truly satisfying. What were the barriers to it feeling the best it could feel?

Once I identified those elements, it influenced the story quite a bit. I had to include new pieces to the story, like Kaidan’s family, and I had to emphasize character arcs in some of the secondary characters. I also realized the thing keeping Shepard and Kaidan apart had to be more than fraternization regs. I had to be something internal in addition to external to feel believable.

As I wrote, there was one big development I hadn’t planned but that felt organic. It worked for the character arc I was creating, and I let it play out. While there was one big surprise, a lot of the story’s details sprang up and were little surprises while I was writing. I knew the points I wanted to connect, but I discovered the details as I wrote it. It was like I had this skeleton, but the discovery process as I wrote gave it the flesh and beauty of being something worthwhile.

The story’s ending was everything I hoped, which was a huge feat for me. I took a long time reflecting on how all the elements could come together at once in a way that felt right. I needed to incorporate a lot of external elements into one moment: the Mass Effect shard, the Scorpion terrorist leader, an object they’re looking for in part 3, and all the secondary characters (Council, Alliance, Shepard’s companions). I needed it to bring Shepard and Kaidan’s internal conflict keeping them apart to a moment of clarity, which would be easy if it was just about realizing they loved each other. They already knew that. Shepard needed to confront her fears and realize her false reasoning wasn’t just wrong, but that actually the opposite was real truth. It was a lot to achieve in one ending, but as far as I’m concerned, I felt like I was successful in bringing everything together into one moment. I was able to resolve many questions, external and internal, with one answer.

Honestly, I have compared Burning Barrier’s ending to my current big WIP and felt like I can’t live up to my own benchmark of satisfaction in an ending. Granted, all of that’s really talking up my own ending, and readers may or may not feel like the ending brought everything together in a satisfying way. But for me, I was pleased with the ending to a story I was telling myself. Since I had never finished a novel-sized story, it was huge moment.

I wrote "Burning Barriers” in notebooks over the course of four months. I had no idea of the word count when I finished. It all come together so naturally and simply, I actually thought my story would fall short of being novel-sized. All three parts together I expected to fall into the novella range. I was wrong. I started typing it up and watched the word count climb. This story that felt so simple and quick to me turned out not only to be novel-sized, but each part was novel-sized. I was thunderstruck. I realized: not only had I finished my first novel, I finished three of them! It was huge for me.

Writing fanfiction and not trying to live up to this inflated, self-imposed ideal of creating “Art” had finally set me free. I could finally write and finish a novel. I even did it with a method I never expected to work for me. Being an organized and kind of methodical person, I always assumed outlining was the best way for me. It was the responsible, better approach. It turns out, knowing my direction but finding my way as I go was what worked best. It gave me joy in discovering, and knowing I could edit it later, freed me from every word being perfection in the first draft.

“Burning Barriers” had three major drafts. After writing the story in notebooks, I knew what I needed to emphasize and cut away as I typed it into a second draft. I could foreshadow and set up the ending. I could fill in missing scenes. It was a major overhaul. I then read through the whole story a third time focusing more on the writing-level, sentences and wording choice. Then it was done.

Now I needed to do something with it. After a certain point of writing this story, maybe halfway, I realized I was putting enough effort into it, I actually wanted someone to read it. My sister, who had recommended Mass Effect to me, was also a writer. As I wrote and finished editing my story, I had her in mind as the one person who would read my story. Unfortunately, fanfiction is stigmatized and on a much lower level than if I wrote The Masterpiece. After I was finished with this story, by sister felt embarrassed for me writing fanfiction. The idea of reading fanfiction was demeaning for a serious writer and it wasn’t her thing. It’s fair to feel that way, I suppose, but I was disappointed.

My other sister who isn’t a gamer but was aware of fanfiction as a thing suggested I post online. The game had been out for so long, I doubted Mass Effect fans were still reading fanfic, but I decided to try. I had written 300 K words that no one would ever read but me if I let it lay forgotten on the hard drive.

I went ahead and posted it on FFN. I made each part it’s own book, and I posted all three books and all the chapters all at once. Then I sat back and waited. And waited. And waited. Nothing. It was deflating. I had a few favorites or follows scattered here and there, but it felt pretty silent. I could see stats that some people probably had read the whole way through, but that was it for spending months writing this 300 K fic. I actually felt worse than before I’d posted it online, because this felt more like a rejection. My fear, my story actually being awful, could actually be true.

At the time, I didn’t know anything about fanfiction culture. I didn’t know people posted before they finished a story or that it was common practice to post chapter by chapter to gain readership. I had no idea my posting method could be playing a role in why the stories were lost to the void.

My sister who had suggested posting online recommended looking for Facebook groups to information on other places to post. I joined some FB groups and asked for recommendations where else to post. I heard about AO3. Now, I still didn’t know about this whole posting chapter-by-chapter thing, so I posted my story on AO3 the same way as before. Unlike FFN, I decided this time to keep all the parts together, since so much of the story relied on in-jokes and references from earlier parts. Plus, the story and plot arc were made to connect over the whole story. Other than that, I posted “Burning Barriers” as one giant chunk of 124 chapters, like I had on FFN, and sat back again. This time there was one difference: someone commented.

I got a comment from someone who read the first chapter, liked it, and said she would put it on her reading list. That one comment changed my whole experience. I replied to the comment, and I through a back and forth via email met my now very good friend @ripley95things . She introduced me to another wonderful friend @rpgwarrior4824 . Their comments on “Burning Barriers” made all the difference. I went from feeling kind of devastated and being embarrassed about my story to being glad I wrote it. It was a complete 180 just by having two people who cared. It made all the difference.

They welcomed me into the fandom. I learned so much about the fanfic culture and started reading other Shenko fanfics. I haven’t stopped since. With all the encouragement I got from talking with them, I decided to write more Shenko fanfiction myself even. I hadn’t planned to write anything more than “Burning Barriers,” but suddenly I had a new plot-heavy story I was writing (am still writing *sigh*). I wrote a one-shot and some lighter, shorter multichapter fics. I eventually joined Tumblr. But it all started with “Burning Barriers.”

That’s a lot of extra information on “Burning Barriers” than just my inspiration and approach to writing, but haha, I guess, I got on a roll. The story has a lot of meaning to me, and the history surround it feels integrated into its DNA. If you read this far, I really appreciate you reading not only a very long book with “Burning Barriers,” but also a very long monologue about the very long book. Haha. Thank you!

Anyway, I’ll end here. Thank you for your wonderful question. It was fun to reflect back on this story that has so much meaning to me. I appreciate your interest in “Burning Barriers.” It means more than I can say that you read my story, and even more, to know you’re interested enough to ask a question about it (thought you probably didn’t expect how much you’d get! Lol! :D) Thanks again!

#my writing #mass effect fanfiction #writing ask #Burning Barriers #Thank you so much for the ask!

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kumoriyami-xiuzhen · 5 years ago

Text

Hakuoki Zuisouroku Omokage-ge hana Animate Drama Translation

Last post of the month, but instead of my usual message, I figured I should change it due to current circumstances.... So. If you are able, please consider donating to your local food banks, the Red Cross or other charities who are supporting those affected by Covid-19. Alternatively, consider donating blood (including this since I saw this on CBC and from the Canadian Blood Services and they both mentioned potential shortages), tipping those who deliver your food/take out delivery (every dollar counts to some of these people - I would know since I’m unemployed right now cuz of what’s going on but will able to get by. huzzah for the Canadian government!), or support other content creators, writers, translators and artists who need help if possible.

Also make sure you wash your hands for 20 seconds, avoid touching your face, cough into your sleeve/elbow, practice social distancing and refrain from going out if possible.... and please, please do not go singling out a certain ethnicity for how things are right now. I have a second cousin who works in a hospital down in california, and another living in new york right now.... and the last thing they need is racism and harassment.

Anyway. I’m finally done with this drama. not really fond of putting things all together since that means i need to translate more hakuoki content for another week (i prefer to do less lol), but i’ve made an exception to this as the audio was supplied to me earlier by Aysha (which is also why i had this drama jump the queue lol). Edits will be done when I get to my subtitle video.

do not repost elsewhere. also thank you to @jokertrap-ran for helping me with 2 sentences that i just couldn’t figure out the Chinese for (they’re the ones left in bold), and thank you again to Aysha for supplying the audio.

Videos are now here

Track 1: https://youtu.be/ETTfJHCKOkk

Track 2: https://youtu.be/Nnp0mE_DLmw

enjoy?

Hakuoki Zuisouroku Omokage-ge hana Animate Drama CD Shimabara After story

Track 1

Translation by KumoriYami

Harada: Okay! Well now that this Shimabara incident is over, let's take the opportunity to drink! Everyone don't hold back [says: be modest], we aren't going home until we're drunk/unless we get drunk!

Okita: Arresting/Catching so many ronin, Kondou-san was also very happy! He also said that the spies hiding here were also arrested by the Shinsengumi.

Saito: However it seems that the Vice-Commander was a little anxious/upset. Because of the investigation of the spies, [news of it] has already spread throughout Shimabara. Tonight's festivities, although it was approved by the vice-commander, he however said that we need to conduct ourselves with dignity [behave appropriately]

Souji: Yes/indeed. Then let's order some expensive food! Excuse me, please start with your most expensive wine in the store served with similar dishes!

Saito: Wait a moment! Why are you doing the opposite! The vice-commander clearly said, that we should be holding a meeting to reflect upon ourselves, and should not be celebrating by drinking.....

Souji: Eh, I can't hear anything!

Harada: heisuke, what's wrong? You haven't said anything from the start. Are you still brooding over what happened?

Heisuke: Wha....what do you mean by brooding? Sano-san. Don't say things that don't make sense/something strange.

Souji: What what? What are you brooding over/what's the matter?

Harada: Ah, so it's like this......

Heisue: Hey, I told you not to say anything unnecessary!

Harada: Ah, sorry. can't you just say it?

Souji: Are you keeping a secret from us? That's really annoying [unpleasant].

Heisuke: Since it's only a small matter, I haven't said anything.

Souji: In that case just enjoy yourself to the fullest. Thanks to her dressing up as a geisha, she was able to infiltrate Shimabara to obtain information, and we were able to catch all those roshi at once.

Heisuke: But.... I din't want to have her dressed up like that..... [force?]

Souji: Areh?

Heisuke:.......What.

Souji: Hm~? it turns out/so that's what it was, it was that thing.

Heisuke: Don't smile like that!

Souji: How annoying, my usual expression is like this.

Heisuke: Liar! Whenever Souji shows this kind of expression, you're definitely not thinking of anything good!

Souji: Actually/In fact you don't need to feel embarrassed, could it be that Heisuke didn't think that she looked lovely dressed as a geisha?

Harada: [it's?] Because she was originally a beauty [from the start she's already beautiful]

Souji: That response is really straight to the point/direct. Compared to Heisuke who felt embarrassed/shy because of how cute she looked dressed as a geisha, the reactions of everyone else was like the difference between heaven and earth.

Heisuke: Why am I being dragged into his! I only that because she's not a member of the troopi, that she shouldn't be taking on such a dangerous assignment, that's all......

Harada: For the purpose of keeping her out of danger, weren't we on standby in the corner room?? You were great, shouting "that's not good," [and] "I can't stand this" or something, and rushed outside.

Heisuke: Why are you telling the truth!!! Anyway shut up and stop talking you idiot!

Harada: Whoops, i'm really sorry.

Souji: Eh..... so that's it. I didn't expect that.

Heisuke: No, that's not [it]......!s

Saito (whispering): Actually/In fact I can understand Heisuke's thoughts...... at the time I was also deeply fascinated [entranced/captivated] by how she was dressed.

Souji: Hajime-kun?

Saito: Ah...Uh, sorry, i'ts nothing...Well, I did just say it...

Souji: Well, I can hear you very well. It turns out that even Hajime-kun was also deeply fascinated by her dress [check if says kimono. also rephrase later].

Saito : !!!! I, I didn't mean [it like?] that! Just, just because I was unfamiliar with how she dressed, doesn't mean that I was attracted [to it? her?]....... [rephrase later]

Souji: In other words, you admit that you're attracted to her?

Saito: No....... In any case I am also a captain in the Shinsengumi so how could I think of something so shameless when I am carrying out my duties! Anyhow, where is she? It seems that she hasn't arrived here yet......

Harada: Hijikata-san and Shinpachi should be bringing her over soon.

(the sound of footsteps and a door sliding open)

???: I just saw her a moment ago being questioned at the entrance of Shimabara. And together with Hijikata.

Heisuke: You are.... Kazama?! (reaches for sword)

Kazama: Put away your sword. I'm in a good mood today, and have no reason to fight you.

Souji: What does your so-called good mood mean/what do you mean by good mood?

Kazama: That goes without saying. Of course it's because I saw my wife's beautiful dress [appearance]. As expect, my eyes did not make a mistake [were not wrong].

Saito: Yukimura is not your wife. Her attitude towards you has been blatant/explicit.

Kazama: I've heard that woman who grow up in Edo are very strong. Even if she fell in love with me, she wouldn't show it.

Souji: Where does your self-confidence come from?

Harada: Go back to that [going back to what you said before], Chizuru's being interrogated?! Did someone discover her identity as a woman......

Kazama: It's because of the elopement incident that Hijikata caused which seems to have [caused her to be] been noticed [rephrase later].

Souji: Eh~ I just heard some extraordinary gossip [interesting]. It turns out that Hijikata-san already had such a reputation at Shimabara/Hijikata-san's reputation has spread to such an extent at Shimabara.

Harada: Oi, Souji. For the sake of safety/To be on the safe side, don't speak of this/go around spreading this to the other team members......

Souji: How hateful/annoying, I won't speak of such nonsense. But in the event that someone asks me if the Vice-Commander is or isn't with a geisha from Shimabara, I won't hide anything/speak without holding back.

Kazama: Alright [Very well... or something cuz its kazama], [let's] start drinking. The depressed guy over there, hurry up and prepare sake for me.

Heisuke: Oi! Why are you sneaking into our party?!

(After a while......)

Heisuke (sounds drunk for the rest of this track): Speaking of which.... I was against this plan from the very beginning!

Saito:......Heisuke, did you drink too much? Your eyes are starting to droop [lose focus].

Heisuke: Teach me how to not drink so much!

Saito: Why are you so upset?

Heisuke: I'm super pissed!!! For a covert investigation, we actually didn't need to use her, as long as we paid a geisha to assist us, but she was abruptly dragged down into this by us.

Saito: Your way of thinking isn't understandable, but it was also her who took the initiative to help us, [so] your criticisms are a little too much. [check audio to hear if this sounds like multiple sentences]

Harada: That's right. Based on the outcome, nothing big happened, [which] this isn't bad.

Souji: Seeing how cute she was dressed, Heisuke was definitely/obviously very happy.

Heisuke: You smiling demon [???]!!! Compared to those clothes, the clothes of an ordinary woman clearly suit her more [rephrase later]!!

Harada: maybe, I'd also like her to see her dressed like an ordinary woman.

Heisuke: Hey......Sano-san, I've wanted to ask you.... She.... what is she to you?

Harada: Hm? I don't really think much of it but, is something the matter? Why do you ask? [i’ll reword ^ later when i get to the drama]

heisuke: I feel that Sano-san.... your attitude, rather than a comrade, you treat her more as a woman.

Harada: That's the [your?] problem. Although she's usually dressed in men's clothes, she's still genuinely a woman. It's only natural to treat her as a woman/Of course she still has to be treated as a woman.

Heisuke: [That's/so] Too sly/cunning......!

Souji: If Heisuke wants to treat her as a girl, he should be honest and say so and not be secretive about it..

Kazama: (setting down a glass) Toudou...... could it be that you have ill intentions towards my wife [TL is more or less evil thoughts/desire lol]? First take a look in a mirror [Look at yourself in the mirror first].

Heisuke: Shut up! You're the last one to be teaching me anything [last one who she be saying anything] ! She hates you the most out of all of us!!!

Kazama: I remember what I said just now [Remember what I said just now], Edo women, even if they fall in love, they will not express their true thoughts.

Saito:......I think it'd be nice if Heisuke could have a face as thick as Kazama's [if Heisuke could be as thick-headed as Kazama.... probably? or if Heisuke could have a face that had a fraction of Kazama's thickness]

Heisuke: Hajime-kun where the hell did your arm go?!

Souji: Don't first talk about Heisuke, what about yourself Hajime-kun [rephrase later]? Are you confident enough to defeat a crowd of rivals in love while surrounded and at her side?

Saito:......What are you talking about! The team has rules that ban personal fights!

Souji: That is to say, if it's not a personal fight, we're allowed to fight until one of us is dead/you'd fight to the death?

Saito:.....Why must you twist other people's words to this degree/extent!

Kazama: You bastard...... it seems that I'll have to force the truth from your mouth. Oi, Toudou. bring out the strongest sake in the store! I'm going to expose what his sincere thoughts he has [will have the truth forced from this man].

Heisuke: Why are you ordering me around!? Wait a moment/Hold on...... this is for getting Hajime-kun drunk so he'll tell the truth...... Yosh! I'm going to get/grab it at once/immediately!

(Heisuke gets up and runs out)

Saito: Wait! It doesn't matter that you guys are already drunk, but I cannot get drunk [now]......

Souji: (pours sake) Don't say that, let's drink without holding back! These opportunities are hard to come by!

---------------------------------------

Track 2

Hijikata: It was pointed out that Yukimura looked a lot like the geisha who eloped the other day...... It look a while/lot of time to settle that mater.

(door opens)

Hijikata: I've made you wait for a long time! Sorry, I sent Yukimura back first with Shinpachi to headquarters......Eh, what's going on?!

Souji: Ah. Hijikata-san, you're really late.

Hijikata: You're the one that's late! Harada and Heisuke are completely drunk!

Kazama: What are you saying/talking about. It's your fault that you're always so slow.

Hijikata: Kazama! You bastard why are you here?!

Kazama: Don't mention that, why haven't you brought my wife?

Hijikata: Who's your wife! It's because she got upset from being interrogated, she first went back to headquarters.......Geez, this isn't the time to be getting involved with that guy. You guys! Stand up! Didn't I warn you guys about conducting yourself properly!?

Harada: Ah! If it isn't Hijikata-san! Now that Hijikata-san is here, we need to start from the begining! If you ask me about when I got this scar on my stomach......

Hijikata: I've said it many times [but] I've heard already heard your [that] story before.

Heisuke: Hijikata-san! I wanna ask you...... were you really planning on eloping with her/is it true that you were really going to elope with her?

Hijikata: Ha?! Where the hell did you hear that from? At best, that's a misunderstanding since I'd never do something like that!

Souji: Eh? Is that really true? I thought that Hijikata-san wasn't the kind of person who would do something that could cause people to misunderstand in this way/who would ever do something so misleading. [or just misleading]

Heisuke: Then it's true! Hijikata-san used his position as vice-commander to elope with her, this method is too despicable!

Hijikata: Didn't I say, that I didn't do any of that! Can't you understand [Why can't you understand that]!

Saito: Exactly. If the Vice-Commander wanted to take Yukimura, he would not employ such callow and clumsy tricks, rather he would adopt a more complex and sophisticated course of action [tactics...?].

Hijikata:......Oi, Saito, are you trying to protect me or kill me? Give me a clear-cut position [clear answer]!

Saito: What are you saying. I will always be on the vice-commander's side. [literally: i will forever stand with/at the vice-commander's side whenever]

Hijikata: It's great that your on my side......

Souji: Right now it's pointless to say anything to Hajime-kun. Because regardless of what you say to hajime-kun, his expression won't change even though he's actually already completely drunk.

Hijikata: to actually like to say this kind of things, anyway it's you guys' fault that he's [this?] drunk!

Kazama: You came at just the right time (pours wine). Hijikata. Answer me. What kind of intentions do you have towards my wife who you have confined to your headquarters?

Hijikata: What kind of intentions [what do you mean by intentions]? Why should I answer you?

Souji: Isn't there a reason? Hijikata-san has said himself that he likes women from Edo.

Kazama: What? Then it's true.......

Hijikata: What "it's true" nonsense ! Souji! Quit always saying such misleading things!

Heisuke: Ah~ so it's like that, Hijikata-san's aiming for her too? Despite how he was so strict over a mere mistake!

Hijikata: I'm telling you, I wasn't planning on doing that......!

Harada: But to secretly protect her......

Hijiakta hey wait! When did I do that!

Kazama: I see. So it was like that. (picks up sword) Hijikata..... even if it costs me all of my pride and dignity/honour, I will have you buried here today/I will kill you today!

Hijikata: don't misunderstand me [don't misunderstand/quit misunderstanding]! She was allowed to stay at headquarters for the sake of/for the purpose finding Kodo-san, because of that, she was given the identity of a page.......

Souji: But don't you call her every few days to your room to have her make you tea? A lone man and a woman in a room, in the end, who knows what might have happened~ [between them?] [depending on the audio i'll make thr second sentence longer/shorter]

Kazama: What.... [very] good/great Hijikata, to go as far as to use/to actually make use of your position to do this sort of thing!! I will not spare you! this opportunity just arrived [this is a golden opportunity/the perfect chance?]! We'll settle this over wine/drinking!

Hijikata: HA?! why did this happen?!

Heisuke DAMN IT~~~~!!!! it turns out that Hijikata-san is a rival (in love)————！！！！ Oi, Kazama! We have a temporary alliance! Hijikata-san! We're going to drink to decide this!

Saito: The Vice-commander and Yukimura....!? Ah.... What is the truth to this emotion buried deep within my heart [what is the meaning to this emotion buried deep within my heart]? Without drinking, I can't calm/dispel my resentment!!

Harada: Although it is important to respect that her personal opinions...... if we're using wine to determine a victor, I will accept this challenge!

Hijikata: I didn't say any of that, you're getting it all wrong!!! You guys, listen to me!

【END】

---------------------------------------

image swiped from suruga-ya... i will definitely be rephrasing most of the 2nd half of track 2 for more... conversational word sense. couldn't think of how to make things sound natural when i posted this but i'll get that done along with all the necessary editing later when i get to making my srt file for this drama.... aiming to have the subtitles done for next month (currently working on the files now).

also, next month im planning on mostly ssl game content... and to have the remainder of all Zuisouroku game content posted in may... (i now officially have enough tl+imags posts queued til the end of may).

stay safe ppl!

(p.s. in case you didn’t see my psa, i’m sharing a number of hakuoki vids and art books. full list is on my tumblr page “stuff i have”)

#hakuoki #hakuouki #hakuoki zuisouroku #hakuoki drama translation #hakuoki drama cd

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anonymouscomrade · 4 years ago

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the most annoying enemies to send to your opponents in Super Mario 35, ranked:

SSS*** “and then there’s THIS asshole” Tier:

FUCKING LAKITU is the destroyer of runs. if your match goes on long enough, and the players left are good enough at SMB35, this motherfucker is going to get passed around like a cheap blunt, because people will start hitting warp zones and going to 4-1 at every possible opportunity just so this flying dick will show up and ruin everyone’s day

LOOK AT THIS. LOOK AT THE UTTER NONSENSE YOU HAVE TO PUT UP WITH. TEN MILLION FLYING ASSHOLES ON THEIR SHIT-EATING GRIN CLOUDS THROWING SPIKY BALLS STRAIGHT INTO EVERY ORIFICE YOU HAVE. EAT MY BALLS, LAKITU.

so naturally you’ll want to go out of your way to murder these jerks at every possible opportunity so you can inflict them on someone else

“the reason you keep a fire flower ready at all times” tier:

Hammer Bros and Spinies are probably the next most annoying thing to deal with after Lakitu. spinies are the reason you take lakitu levels on purpose. individual spinies can be avoided, but if you’re running lakitu levels, you’re not sending them individually, and a swarm of enemies that can’t be stomped is a great way to fuck with your opponents

hammer bros were every SMB1 player’s foil and not much has changed for 35. they’re unpredictable and their jumps and arcing hammers are a major area denial tool, particularly in flat areas where they can’t just be avoided by running under the platform they just jumped up to. they CAN be stomped but it’s almost never safe to actually try it

“what do you MEAN they can fly” tier:

Bloopers are only found naturally in water levels, where they can’t be stomped and are super-easy to avoid. but it’s worth trying the item roulette for a fire flower to kill them, because in normal levels they fly around the screen like it’s nothing. they CAN be stomped on land, but their zig-zagging around can mess up your opponents in levels that require precision platforming like 1-3, so if you’ve got time to spare, take a look at your opponents and see if you can’t find the best place to send these

“not quite as good as you think” tier:

yes, Bowser takes five fireballs to kill. yes, he can’t be killed by hitting the block he’s standing on from below. yes, he can angle his fire breath to just about anywhere on the screen. yes, a koopa shell that smacks into him stops dead in its tracks. and yet Bowser is REALLY slow and easy to avoid in almost every situation. in flat areas you can literally just run full tilt and jump over him and never look back. in tight corridors Bowser absolutely fuckin’ rules but you won’t find many of those outside of his real spawns. having to deal with multiple Bowsers can be a huge pain but you’ll almost never have the chance to do that to someone. if you can easily take out Bowser, then go ahead, overwise, meh

“probably better than you think” tier:

piranha plants are basically immobile spinies, which sounds fucking lame except they have a tendency to show up in the worst possible place for them to be, like low passages in Bowser levels or on the very edge of the platform you need to jump to. otherwise they’re pretty easy to dismiss

at least you tried:

in water levels, cheep cheeps just kind of swim in a straight line. on land, they’ll jump up from the bottom of the screen. that can kinda mess with your opponents if you can manage to kill a bunch of them quickly, but otherwise they’re not really worth it

i actually forgot these existed and had to edit this post to include them:

buzzy beetles are just green koopas that are immune to fireballs, so that makes them one notch above koopas i guess, but you’ll almost never see them because they don’t start showing up until the lategame levels and nobody ever picks those

free clock extends:

you’re almost never going to score a KO with goombas and koopas, but killing a ton of them each run is unavoidable, if only to keep your timer up. red koopas of course will turn back when they reach a platform edge instead of walking off, and green flying koopas jump around while red ones float up and down, but good luck pulling off anything with that on purpose. walking red koopas have a tendency to spawn in high spots most players never go (like the top of the crawlspace near the beginning of 1-2, or the high brick path after the first pit in 1-1) so they’re even less reliable

i almost forgot about these guys:

there aren’t many levels with Bullet Bills, and you’ll almost never see them as long as people keep spamming 1-1. even if this weren’t the case, they’re easy to avoid and you can’t even get a bunch of them at once to swarm your opponents with them

you will never kill a podoboo more than once, and even then it’ll only be an accident or out of curiosity. they only show up in Bowser levels, can only be killed with stars, and the one or two you might find in the entire level aren’t enough to make them a threat on the plains level with almost no platforming whatsoever that your target is currently on

#mario #super mario 35 #super mario bros 35 #smb35

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marvel-lucy · 5 years ago

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The Walking Disaster, chapter 4

All chapters are on the Walking Disaster Masterlist ...

As always, I’m writing this too fast, not editing, and not paying attention to anything, so it’s not good. Definitely writing as distraction to myself rather than quality at the moment, sorry x

I have successfully avoided Steve for nearly two weeks now. According to Nat, I should own up to my failings and sucker punch anyone who dares to laugh at me, but it’s not really my way, so instead I’ve turned on stealth mode. I stand behind my door, squinting through the eyehole to check the coast is clear, then I’m out, down the stairs and outside on my way to work in seconds flat. I haven’t tripped once so far. I collect my post at 2am, and I don’t buy coffee out. I don’t even order pizza to be delivered, in case I open my door at the same time as Steve. I’m cooking instead. Two of my fingers are currently bandaged, and I may have lost part of an eyebrow, but it’s OK, I cut myself bangs to hide it. Then I wore a cap to hide the bangs….

Anyway. The point is, I don’t know why it’s got to me. Well, I do. I’ve lived in this small circle of friends for so long now, and they accept my calamities. They know that for every time I trip over and break something (cup, TV, bone) I’ll pick them up if they’ve got a broken heart. For every time I spill something on myself, I’ll let them spill their secrets on me and I won’t tell (my own, I’m not so good at keeping). For every bit of rambling nonsense I blurt out, there’s a good heart behind it. Ah, maybe I’m talking myself up too much, but what I’m trying to get at is that they accept me for being a bit of a disaster area, and that’s nice. But now there’s these new people in the mix, and… I want them to accept me. No, that’s a lie. I don’t want to be tolerated, and be an amusement that’s accepted. I want them to like me. To think I’m cool and beautiful and smart and fun. And I can’t do that with a purple bruise on my forehead, or the inability to pass a field sobriety test when sober (don’t ask. It’s another thing). So I’m avoiding Steve. In the hope that – I don’t know. That in the next two weeks I suddenly stop walking like a new-born giraffe? That he gets his memory wiped in some horrific accident and doesn’t remember the sight of me upside down over a box, or walking into a door, or spraying coffee on my far-more-attractive best friend? I don’t know, why are you expecting logic. You’re my internal monologue, you should know better.

Nat’s currently being my spy. She’s great at this. She and Bucky hit it off after the coffee shop meeting (and while they all waited in the ER waiting room for me to be cleared of concussion). Swapped numbers, and they’ve met up twice – once for coffee (without me there, so it was a lot cleaner) and then for dinner and a movie. She came round after the coffee, and before the dinner, to fill me in. They’ve been texting apparently and sometimes she sends me screenshots. It’s all very sweet and sickening and normal. I want sickening and normal. Ugh. While she’s snuggling up to Bucky, she’s also sounding him out about Steve. He’s single apparently, is very sweet and respectful, and a bit of a knight in shining armour. He’s also, according to Bucky, a jerk, reckless, and the world’s expert in waiting too long for love. None of this makes my crush any less soul-destroying. I feel like I’ve had a building dropped on me.

So that’s why it’s Saturday night, and Nat is out with Bucky again, and I’m sitting by my open window, staring at the skyline and indulging in some major self-pity. At least I have company tonight. Not human company, everyone I know is out actually living their lives instead of burying themselves for shame, but the apartment cat has decided to visit. She belongs to the super, but she obviously sees the building as her own, so if the window’s open, she’s up and down the fire escape and sniffing around to see what there is to eat.

I’ve given her some tuna, even though she’s too tubby, just so she’ll sit and I can talk out loud for a change. She’s got tuna, and I’ve got wine. Or I did. The bottle seems to be surprisingly empty, so I can only assume the cat’s helped herself while I wasn’t looking. Only possible explanation.

So here I sit, less than sober, let’s say. Cat is on a cushion next to me purring, and I’m leaning out the window listening to the sounds of the city and blathering on about my failings and my crush. I’m all why can’t I be normal and cool like Nat? and nobody likes me the way they like Nat and he’s so hot and all muscly and has lovely eyes. You know, eloquent. Anyway, the cat’s obviously had enough of it after the first hour or so, because she gets up and looks at me with disgust, then hops out the window onto the fire escape. She never even said thank you for the wine.

I’m kinda hanging out the window, rubbing my fingers together and doing that ‘pss pss’ thing that people do so cats can ignore them, and she walks away. She walks along the short length of fire escape that separates my window from apartment number four. That separates my window from only the window of Steve flaming Rogers, and then. She. Walks. In.

I swear she looks back at me before she jumps down, and winks, but anyway, she walks into his open window that is about three feet from my open window. The window I’ve been baring my soul through, at an alcohol-enhanced volume.

Oh sweet Jesus, let me die now. I can feel cold sweat trickling down my back, and my spine is tingling as embarrassment runs up and down it. Maybe he left his window open before going out on a date with some beautiful woman. I mean, Bucky said he’s reckless. Leaving your window open in New York is pretty reckless. Maybe he’s eaten something really bad and spent the whole evening in the bathroom. That’d be good, right? Not so much for him, but for me. Maybe he’s secretly deaf and has been doing some amazing lip reading this whole time. Work with me here, make me feel better.

As quietly as I can, I close my window and walk to my bedroom. Then I lie down, pull the duvet right over my head, and scream.

So here’s the thing. I love the city at night. I know that orange glow from street lights is just light pollution, and the sound of police sirens is probably a bad thing, but it just feels cool. Like I’m living in some movie. So I like to sit by the window on warm nights and soak it in. I love the feeling of breathing in that sun-dusty evening air. I had bad asthma as a kid and there’s still a pleasure in taking a big breath in. Saturday nights are good for me, I’ve relaxed from the previous week’s work, but I don’t have to gear up for next week yet, so it’s the sweet spot where I can be me.

According to Bucky, I should be out clubbing, drinking, meeting women, but I’ve never been that guy. I’m waiting for the right partner, and I’m just not ready for what Bucky gets up to. Not that he seems to these days. This Nat seems to have got to him. Can’t say I blame him, she seems nice, and she’s pretty, but she’s a bit too perfect. Seems to have a lot of walls in place so you don’t know if you’re seeing the real her. Bucky’s having fun, but I want real… I want someone who’s just themselves, even if that’s not perfect. God knows, I’m not perfect, but I try to be a good man, and I just want someone to make me smile.

Sheesh listen to me. This is why right now Bucky is out with Nat, and has just sent me a blurry picture in a text that could either be him dancing, or doing something I don’t need to see. And me, I’m sitting here, wrapped in a blanket like I’m 95, and sketching by the window. I’m also quite far down some beer that I forgot I had, and I can’t quite make out the number of bottles on the floor, but it’s more than one, and they’re mostly empty. I don’t get tipsy easy, but these ones must be stronger than normal, because I’m losing track of time, and the world’s a bit blurry and I’m half-asleep when a sound snaps me back to myself. It’s a voice from next door. THE voice from next door. The one I’ve found myself thinking of, and unable to think of an excuse to hear it.

And then my brain tunes into the words, and I could kick myself.

‘Ugh, Cat, why can’t I be like Natasha, then he’d like me…’ and ‘ I’m a walking disaster, nobody wants that, that’s why people want Nat’ and ‘God those muscles of his kill me. Can you imagine, Cat… hey, where are you going, psss, pssss’.

Then this cat appears, walks in, knocking over a bottle that slowly trickles beer across the floor, then stands on my leg, looking at me pointedly. That’s when I look down and realise what I’ve been doodling in my sketchbook while half-drunk.

Her.

Apartment 3.

There’s a picture of her the first time I saw her, lying on the floor, with her hair all spread out like a mermaid. If mermaids lived on land and had big streaks of dust on their faces. Her eyes were all shiny then, then she got this beautiful flush that made me think all kinds of things my Mom wouldn’t approve of.

Then there’s a picture of her with a bag of groceries in her arms, which made me feel all old-school manly and protective, like I wanted to say ‘allow me, ma’am’ and carry things for her. Maybe she’d even hang on my arm and tell me I was a proper gent for that.

Ahem. There’s a picture of her when her skirt was all caught up, and I swear, I wanted to tell her, but I couldn’t work out how to say it without it sounding really inappropriate, so I was just about to call out something when Bucky clamped his hand over my mouth and pulled me outside. Still, this one’s giving me less than gentlemanly thoughts.

I haven’t sketched the time my knee kept bumping into hers under a table, while she chatted, and I swear I could have stayed there for hours because she just lit up when she was talking. There’s no sketch of when she walked into the door and I ended up half-carrying her to the ER because she said she kept seeing stars, and she was just so warm.

Yeah, I’ve got to admit it, this is why I didn’t go out with Bucky, or anyone else. I haven’t seen her in two weeks and I really just wanted to hang around in case I did, because she’s adorable.

But, here’s the killer. As always, she’s taken with Bucky. I swear it’s been the same since we were kids, even when he set us up on double dates, they were both there for him, and I was this asthmatic hanger-on. She’s next door mooning over wanting to be Nat so she could be with Bucky, and how great he is.

I need to get some air. The apartment feels too small now, like I’ve suddenly grown two foot in the last five minutes. I shove my feet into some shoes, and grab up my keys.

Lying under a duvet is pretty boring after the first scream. It’s also too hot, so I crawl myself out after a few minutes and come face-to-face with myself in my mirror. Bangs stuck to my forehead with sweat, one eyebrow half gone, a wine-flush in my cheeks, and wine-stained lips. Maybe it was better under the duvet.

But I want out, for a few minutes. I want to go buy all the ice cream that I can, so I can indulge myself fully. I need some air, so I shove my feet into some shoes, and grab up my keys.

-----

@melconnor2007 @avengerscompound @kittyslove @badassbaker@phoenix21love @lbouvet @bellenuit45 @prplprincez @gingerrootknits@pineapplebooboo @feelmyroarrrr @avengerofyourheart @eyeofdionysus@hellomissmabel @learisa @mitra-k-w @imhereforbvcky @shaddixlife@iwillbeinmynest @amrita31199 @whatsbetterthanfantasy @pixierox101@edward-lover18 @madcheshire89 @heartfulloffandoms @chipilerendi @kenya-17 @mckorni32843 @amandarosemire @rda89 @nyxveracity @sea040561 @mrsalh32611 @ruinerofcheese @callmebucky-doll @vintagepigeon @bubbasmom @sassycanoodler @ladylorelitany @natcad @thisismysecrethappyplace @geeksareunique @mywinterwolf @moderapoppins @rinthehufflepuff @holyfuckloueh @onebatch--twobatch

#steve rogers fic #steve rogers au #marvel au #marvel fic

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