#(in terms of other ppl with horrific trauma)

[discountdyke]

having depression or anxiety or both can absolutely make your life extremely difficult and they are serious illnesses. that being said. i have to laugh when ppl say things like “i have soooo many mental illnesses, like i have adhd, depression, and anxiety” or “wow this person is obviously faking mental illness, theyre claiming to have ptsd, anxiety, adhd, AND depression? thats ridiculous” bc if i didnt laugh i would have to cry. i would give anything in the world to think that having 3 or 4 mental illnesses is unbelievable or an absurdly high number

[gatekeeper-of-witchcraft]

About your SBB, I agree but I literally do not remember the protag sleeping with a dude? I know there was like a drag queen/trans male character but did they even date?

I hate how praised and how high of a pedestal people put SBB on. I read it at 15 and regretted it, wish someone told me about the graphic scenes in it instead of telling me how butches were always "funky with gender" and how I should read it to fully understand "history".

I believe she gets with a tim at the end but I’d have to reread it to be sure it’s been so long, I try to forget lol

It’s definitely a peek into the conditions for lesbians at that particular time and place, but heavy emphasis on the “a.” It’s not the end all be all, and it’s a fictional account, albeit based on people’s real experiences. it’s CERTAINLY not a history book or even an anthology of peoples’ real accounts like some people seem to treat it like it is.

my onion is that ppl frequently miss the forest for the trees with the “butches were always funky with gender” shit. they’re either referring to women who passed as men for survival, drag kings, women who jokingly tongue-in-cheek referred to each other w male terms amongst friends, or women who medicalized (dating back roughly fifty years or so, I’d hardly call that “always” 🙄). they also seem to miss that the women who DID medicalize endured horrific trauma beforehand.

[waddei]

does Roman have perpetrator trauma (trauma stemming from committing a horrific act) from the murder?

im not too familiar with the term so im going off the concept of how it affected him here mostly since i dont wanna "diagnose" anyone with anything, i hope that ok

the first few days after the murder he tried to play it cool, the reality hadnt set in yet and he was a bit too deep into his "cold loner badboy" persona to really let himself understand what he had done

its only after he has to go back to school that it starts to dawn on him

he has a talk with tommy after that. it doesnt go anywhere cus tommy is still a bit mad at him and he sucks at expressing his feelings

hed try to burry those feelings as deep as he could but i dont think hes gonna get any sleep for a while, hes very affraid of himself suddenly (what gets him to swear off fighting) and hes aware of his size and his strenght in a way that makes him unconfortable

specially when going to school and interacting with other ppl, being aware that he could, phisically at least, kill them terrifies him and he feels like ppl can sense it too <- they cant

you know that feeling of guilt when you do smt bad and you get no punishment? hed get that so bad and in the specifc way where i think hed try to punish himself, not in a "direct SH" kinda way but depriving himself of things , intentionally not wearing weather aproppiate clothes, eating less and stuff like that

( to a certain degree, he still hangs out with tommy tho cus tommy also likes hanging out with him and he doesnt want to be selfish)

ofc burrying things forever doesnt work, specially with the ghost going around. he cracks more often that hed ever admit

[chuuzmii]

100%!! Eddie has so much trauma from multiple parts of his life and yes I think therapy would be helpful but he’s not going to go to therapy and be “fixed” this is lifelong trauma to deal with. And I don’t like that people insinuate that if he doesn’t go to therapy first and “fix” himself he’s just going to “hurt Buck” cause they act like he horrifically hurt everyone in all his past relationships.

1. The one person Eddie has always been good at prioritizing besides Chris has been Buck he would do everything he could to not ruin that especially with what happened with Chris - that might include going to therapy regularly but that can happen concurrently with dating Buck

2. They act like Eddie was just horrifically hurting every woman he dated. Him and Shannon were both to blame for their marriage falling apart, the only thing he did to Ana was not love her and as soon as he admitted that to himself he (because Buck confronted him) he broke up with her, he did not mistreat her. Marisol, yes he hurt her by cheating on her - he is not the only one to have done this. Did anyone demand Hen go to therapy before Karen take her back in season 1? Did anyone demand Buck go to therapy before ever dating someone else after he cheated on Taylor and then lied to her and asked her to move in??

Everything one else has done equally as unhinged or bad things but Eddie’s the only one that’s “broken” and needs to be “fixed” before he can have happiness. It goes against everything this show has worked into its themes.

Omg the acting like eddie was the worst partner in the world pisses me off so bad. The only person eddie ended things badly with is marisol. Eddie and Shannon ended on good terms. Ppl hate saying it cus she asked for a divorce but they were most definitely still on good terms. Eddie and Ana also ended on decent terms. They talked about it and even though they will most definitely never talk again it's not like they have any ill will toward each other. Like canonically Buck is more of a terror when it comes to the women of LA but i think ppl think buck is so likeable that they ignore that. Which is fine or wtvr but 1 bad breakup out of 3 is not that bad. And also the whole "hurt buck" of it all just makes me laugh because holy shit every character on the show has hurt eachother. Buck hurt eddie too. Eddie hurt buck. Theyre both capable of hurting eachother.

[chronicallyqueercoining]

Hey y'all this post includes a bit of discourse which I try to avoid but as I get more followers I would like to include this! So scroll if those sorts of topics make you uncomfy!

Also CW for: grooming, abliesm, trauma, injuries, abuse, bodily fluids, pedophilia, suibaiting, sa mentions

Hi, so I just. Need to address a couple things really quick!

(Scroll to the bottom for the discussion of transx/transid "identities" ,, in quotes bc they aren't valid)

1- sending death threats or doxxing someone is NEVER okay EVER. It puts people in danger and is downright illegal. Idc what your beliefs are in this instance, it's basic law and safety. I've been told to kms over being a Dissociative system aka formed by trauma. Not funny!

2- capitalism is corrupt and always will be. No exceptions. (I could go on and on all day.)

Few more things for now; it's fucking weird and messed up to:

-disclude a-spec identities from LGBTQIAP+

-tell a minority group that they aren't allowed to say how they feel about something affecting them.

-suibaiting anyone, ever. No. Exceptions.

-proship kids x adults,, dude that's pedophilia.

-assume that all cluster b folks are violent or bad (including the term narcissistic abuse)

-say you can become a system for fun/by intentionally willing it into existence

-using disorders as an excuse to be a shit person [Ex: "oh he has autism he doesn't know better.']

Or

-taking the ignorant stance of "radinclus" (we all know you are supporting identities that aren't in good faith. Things that harm people and/or put them in danger aren't good faith.)

Now for the transid/transx shit.

Trace, transage, transabled, transspecies, transheight, transweight, are. Very odd to me. (The exception being transspecies, however I think this would be the wrong term and something like otherkin/therian/etc would fit you better!) These terms are wrong and inherently abliest and dangerous. Most of the people using these terms feel like trolls, however after having met some before, I'm suddenly extremely aware of the fact that they aren't all trolls. Which is disappointing to say the very least!

I would first like to say that I can't speak in depth on trace(formerly transracial, however that has a double meaning, also means adoption into a family that is not your bio race) or include my own opinion, as I am white. I can say that it's messed up, from the fact that I've seen 100s of POC say it's racist and wrong.

Moving onto the others! Transage is a crappy term! I think if you age regress, then you're age regressing not transage and you aren't actually that age. I think role-playing another age doesn't make you that age. I also think that most instances I've seen of people using it is an excuse to be a shitty person. It isn't a trans identity.

Transabled. God. Why. I fully know there is a disorder called BIID but transabled isnt the disorder. The disorder is BIID. "Transabled" ppl are mocking actually disabled and mentally ill and hurting people. BIID is not transabled should have NEVER been associated. BIID is a disorder. "Transabled" is a mockery. There is genuine support and therapy, and that is why that should be the step taken. Not claiming to be "transabled" and coining terms like trans-trauma or trans-autistic or trans-POTS. This is HARMFUL. There is a validity to feeling like you want your *current* issues you actually have to be worse so you could get help or be "bad enough," however that is not the same as entirely just... wanting a disorder. Wanting your current disorder/trauma/condition to be WORSE is a symptom, not a new thing. Trans-grooming and trans-trauma are terms I've ACTUALLY seen. They both mean (respectively) Wanting or feeling like you should have been/should be groomed/traumatized. This is so incredibly HORRIFIC on so many levels. I have been repeatedly groomed/preyed on by over 15 people, there is NOTHING good that you get from these. I would not wish this on anyone. Grooming is horrific manipulation, mental controlling to a degree, gaslighting, trauma. It's not some fun identity. Transtrauma is awful. There are zero instances where identifying as this is valid/healthy in anyway. Again, wanting to have worse trauma is a symptom, not trans trauma and if you're confusing those two that doesn't make transtrauma valid! It means you're a bit confused. I would like to add in here(probably a few times), though, that healthy people do not fake/want disorders. If you feel like you're ANY of these identities I truly suggest you seek help for your own safety as well as everyone else's. You aren't ever just "meant to have been traumatized" that's not how it works. I do not think, in this instance, whatever divine being, angel, power, or lack thereof, you believe in impacts or changes this. If you were to be traumatized at a point in your past, you WOULD'VE been. It doesn't just, randomly not occur to cause you "trauma dysphoria."

Transabled in a physical sense also disgusts me. Again, not BIID, these are not the same thing. Wanting to aquire a disability isn't an aesthetic. Illnesses and disorders aren't an aesthetic. I am physically disabled and use a mobility aid and I wish, I wish so fucking badly, that I could just be healthy AND normal. /srs Does not wanting to be sick suddenly make me "Transcissick?" I'm "transcured?" (/satire.)

Again wanting to have a disorder or faking disorders is not something a healthy person does, this is important to be added. Regardless, these actions/terms are STILL HURTING people.

A recurring theme I've also noticed is that all of the disorders/trauma/illnesses people want are "trendy" or "controversial" or super extreme(not saying these aren't all horrific, by extreme I simply mean the cases tend to be more fatal/altering). Something that will make people ask questions and shower you with attention. (Healthy/stable people don't constantly use attention seeking behaviors.) You never see things like: Trans-STD, Trans-IBS, Trans-Anxiety, Trans-Concussion, or Trans-Nocturnal Enuresis(this one can actually TIE IN with trauma, but people using these terms only seem to want the popular symptoms, right?)

Strange, huh? Only choosing the popular things. Yall dont want to be trans-ibs? Shitting all the time because of your weird bowels and stress and emotion issues?

Transheight and transweight make no sense at all.

If u identify as transabled you're abliest.

That's all for right now. Have a good morning/day/afternoon/night. Be sure to (if you're able/if it applies:) Drink Eat something Clean yourself a little Do something you enjoy <3!

Tags to make sure ppl see this..

[eroticcannibal]

We hear people are talking about horror stories? May we share one?

We do not trust people who praise IEPs and nothing else, which is maybe like 99% of the Disabled and Neurodivergent communities.

This is no particular "teacher" but moreso the entirety of [REDACTED] school district, actually. Nobody ever stood up for us when it was Very Clear that our IEP was committing ableist double standards since our same-age peers were allowed to say "fuck" three times down the hallways and we couldn't even say "crap" our three years in high school.

Oh, and we weren't even allowed to cry for a dead cat, OUR dead cat, because it would be interrupting and would be another "negative" "behavior" mark on said IEP.

We will burn down [REDACTED] with our own two hands and a shitton of gasoline we stg — and that is exactly why we graduated early and moved the fuck out about an hour to three hours away from there, because we do not trust ourselves to mot hurt ppl if we lived down there longer-term.

But sure, Janice, go right on ahead and sing praises for USian IEPs. Whatever.

Oh and we uhhh have a lot more than that on horror stories, that was just the first thing we could think of. We can share more if you'd like but they're all pretty horrific, especially the seclusion room ones. The ones the know about 100% and still came to the conclusion we're endogenic and that sysmeds like gaslight us about, as if we weren't literally gaslit in SI rooms. :)

---

Listen I am in like ALL of the good autism groups and I fucking agree, FUCK IEPs. Every, EVERY SINGLE. FUCKING. DAY. I see schools using an IEP not for its intended purpose, but as basically a sneaky ABA tool. Its all fucking behaviourism and forced compliance and breaking down a child and then! AND THEN! BECAUSE THE US IS A NIGHTMARE. PARENTS NEED A FUCKING LAWYER TO FIGHT THIS SHIT. FOR A FUCKING IEP.

And thats just the parents who see through the waffle and bullshit and see what they are actually trying to do with the IEP. Most parents will naturally defer to the "experts".

Like the extent to which these children are micromanaged and controlled through IEPs. I've known of kids having litteral medical emergencies, in unimaginable pain, and they sit there and they don't say a word because "child will stop displaying inappropriate emotional responses" is on the fucking IEP and everyone has decided "innapropriate" in this case means "I dont want a crybaby in my classroom". Some kids are not allowed to even glance away from the teachers eyes for a SECOND when the teacher is talking if its on their IEP. Can't fidget like the other kids, can't be bored like the other kids, can't run round like the other kids. Cant even chose what words to say when saying hello to their friends in the morning. Just. Cant be a kid.

And feel free to share anything u want to. This is always, first and foremost, a space where ppl with school trauma are free to share that without judgement.

[sageritual]

There's so much toxic feminism on tumblr. Being a feminist doesn't mean you hate men. Can we stop all this "hate all men" bullshit?

If a man came out and said "all women are trash and I hate them all" everyone would be at that person's throat. Yet when a woman says this, she's being praised.

Yes, men do horrific things. Yes, men can be mean and say hurtful things. But it's not all men. Because women can do the same exact shit and don't get any backlash for it.

These toxic generalizations need to end.

Feminism is about equality. Not putting others down to raise yourself up, whether it's a man, woman, etc.

By saying hurtful things like this and accusing people of things that have never happened, it makes you just as bad as what you're trying to "abolish".

I went on a date with a girl recently, (I am also a girl), and she told me that every single man she meets is automatically a r@pist to her. She told me that if it was legal, she'd want to kill men just because of how bad men have treated women in the past.

Sure this might be an extreme case, but take a look around on tiktok, tumblr, etc. There's an obscene amount of ppl who think shit like that.

You can't try to make innocent people "pay" for trauma that women endured. If you're not familiar with the term Misandry, let me tell you what it means. It means "dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against men".

Oddly similar to another word we are very familiar with: misogyny, except that instead of being a hatred towards women, it's towards men. Here's the thing. I'm not one who supports bad men who were proven to have done, said, acted in bad ways. But I am someone who will defend men who are being hated against for no goddamn reason.

.

Sincerely, a feminist who is absolutely fucking tired of being badly portrayed simply because some idiots who also call themselves feminists don't know what equality is and how to behave themselves.

[mithliya]

do u have any advice on like,, idkkkk,,, recovering from dd/lg etc.? or like heavy bdsm stuff?

never was into ddlg but i do age regress and idk how to stop that since its just a result of trauma. but with bdsm i mostly started like self-reflecting a lot which i think helped. in terms of masochism, why would you crave pain? what started it and influenced it? what do you gain out of it? are you actually feeling good afterwards or is it actually hurting you somehow and perhaps only giving u some sort of an illusion of feeling good? also questioning like why would someone want to hurt me like that & enjoy it? and if ur like me and have a history of self-harm, considering how that may tie into that. also generally reading what other ppl have said about it has helped me too bc realising how horrific & unhealthy it is has helped show me how unappealing & not ok that is too.

[hellmry]

What do you think of this whole "ppl shipping SessRin are basically supporting paedophilia” on tumblr? I've seen lots of japapense fans on twitter and they're all basically happy for the huge possibility of having Rin as Sesshomaru's wife and the mother of Towa and Setsuna, and then I go to tumblr and see all these SessRin bashing, saying that their bond should have kept platonic, the "real" sesshomaru will not behave romantically with Rin, etc. Idk what to think? :/ What are your thoughts?

oh goody, this is going to be a long one.

it’s so ridiculous 🙄 I’ve seen this “paedophilia” argument so many times and it’s triggering how they misuse this term so much. Especially as a law student (pet peeve: people misusing technical terms and making very serious (false) accusations).

Paedophilia tends to be the umbrella term for everything with a big age gap or when one party of the couple knew the other party as a child, which shows how uneducated they are with their try hard activism. Paedophilia is a psychiatric disorder, when an adult is primary or exclusively sexually attracted to prepubescent children.

No one in their right mind ships Sesshomaru with Rin while she was still a kid, I’ve yet to see someone who actively ships them in a romantic setting with her still being a kid. All the shippers I’ve come across and fanworks made, are her being a young adult or adult.

The other term they’re throwing around is “grooming”, while thinking it means he groomed her into his wife, which is also false and a misuse of the term. Grooming happens, when an adult is befriending and establishing an emotional connection with a child in order to lower the child’s inhibitions with the object of sexual abuse. Sessh didn’t approach her with any sexual intentions in mind, he tolerated her following him out of pity, which turned into being her protector after a while. As I see it, Jaken was more of a father figure for her than Sessh was. He ignored her most of the times, just watching over her and made sure she was safe (i mean, like a dog...a guard dog). And he certainly didn’t “groom” her into being his wife, that dude did not show any signs of romantic interest while she was a child. Heck, he was pretty stoic most of the times.

The fact, that people who saw Sessh as a father figure for Rin exist, is actually our strongest argument against their paedophilia accusation. They wouldn’t have been able to perceive their relationship as such in the first place, if there were ANY romantic advances or signs while she was a child. Wanna see and read about a real pedophile story/relationship? Go read Lolita by Vladimir Nobakov, it’s disturbing.

Another form of grooming happens, when someone is manipulated until they’re isolated, dependent and more vulnerable to exploitation (can also happen with adults). Though it was only a filler episode, in episode 162 (Forever with Lord Sesshomaru), Sessh even gave her the free choice to either stay with humans or follow him (with his trademark line “do as you please”). In the Manga she was staying with Kaede in the end. And she was friends with Kohaku. She mostly fended for herself (with Jaken), foraging for food in the wild or secretly on farms. Rin was certainly not isolated or dependent. I’m not even digging into the exploitation point, because there is nothing to say.

I admit, they way SessRin developed is not completely unproblematic and the biggest factor is, that he met her while she was still a child. I can agree with that, but most SessRin shippers do not ship them because he knew her as a child, but because she was the first one who he cared for. If you break it down, it’s pretty much the cold-emotionless-bad boy-falls-for-a-girl-after-being-shown-kindness-for-the-first-time trope. SessRin shippers would’ve also shipped them if Rin was the same age as Kagome the first time they’ve met. Rin being a child when they met is not the base of this ship, it’s their relationship and how she broke through Sessh’s walls and that she was the first (human) being he ever cared for. She was also the reason Sessh slowly began to accept Tenseiga as his sword.

People who are saying Sessh went out of character and should’ve stayed on platonic terms with Rin, clearly have no idea about storytelling and character development. Sessh is a dog demon. Inuyasha is a dog demon. Inu no Taisho was a dog demon. Rin is a human, Kikyo was a human, Kagome is a human, Izayoi was a human. Basically, dogs love humans and create very strong bonds with them. Even staying loyal when their owner mistreats or abuses them. The whole series builds up on this dog-human dynamic. Basically every romantic interest involving a dog demon ended up being a dog-human pair. What’s not clicking?

I also find it quite funny, how some of those people can also ship Kagome and Inuyasha while preaching their (false) paedophilia speech in the same sentence. Kagome was 15 when she met 200 year old Inuyasha. 15. That’s a teenager. I’m 26 and when I see 15 year olds, they look like toddlers to me. I don’t see anyone advocating for Kagome’s minor rights. The whole world flipped when Drake was dating a 18 year old but the fandom is still pretty silent about the fact, that Kagome was also 18 when she was married to 203 y/o Inuyasha in the epilogue. InuKag and SessKag shippers don’t get the same criticism as SessRin shippers, even though Kagome is also still a minor and that’s where you see the hypocrisy.

They can ship her because her design looks older and it’s easier to forget that she’s 15/18. Usagi from Sailor Moon was 14 when she met and began a romantic relationship with Mamoru, who was 17. Even though both are considered minors, 14 is a lot different than 17 but nobody bat an eye for that either. Probably it’s because Usagi doesn’t look like a 14 year old. Kagome doesn’t look like a 15 year old. But Rin looks her age, she looks like an 8 year old when they first met, evoking a different perception in people of being a minor, the age gap and her vulnerability. That’s the only reason I can think of, why people are fine with InuKag, SessKag, KogaKag and whatever, even though it’s essentially almost the same setting as with SessRin. Rin is a minor, Kagome is a minor, they both are protected by their stronger and much older demon travel partners. And its hypocritical to try and argue a difference because grooming and abuse of an 8 year old is such as horrific as of an 15 year old. If one of them is a victim, then both are.

I’m not trying to shit on InuKag or other Kagome ships btw., I love Kagome and InuKag, I’m just trying to show the hypocrisy in their fake activism, because it’s not based on facts and information but rather on subjective feelings and perception. It’s fine and legitimate to not like SessRin because of said reasons, but it is wrong to judge others for shipping it and accuse them of supporting paedophilia. People who are triggered by SessRin, should stay away from it but leave those alone, who enjoy it.

Oh and before someone runs their mouth at me and use personal history as an argument, I’ve been a victim of paedophilia and grooming myself. I was touched and molested by my private tutor for years between 5th and 7th grade. But I’ve overcome my trauma, educated myself and I’m able to tell fiction from reality. Nobody watches Inuyasha for relationship and dating advice. Misusing terms is actually harming the ones involved and projecting one own’s traumas and struggles onto others, by shaming them for shipping something is not helping anyone and doesn’t make a difference at all.

Lastly, no SessRin shipper is condoning real life child/adult relationships. We are able to ship them because fictional stories are less dimensional than real life situations are. Fictional relationships have less nuances, cherry picked dynamics and moments that make us perceive them in a specific way. It is man made. What seems romantic in a fictional story (even between two adults) may be littered with red flags or less exciting and boring in a real life setting. People consume fiction mainly for entertainment, not for real life and dating advice.

Remember, this is just a fictional story, just chill the f out.

[dragimal]

now that s5 is over and I’m starting to wind down from the high of the finale, I think I can finally grasp *exactly* why I have mixed feelings on s5. to be clear, I absolutely ADORE TMA as a whole, and still consider it one of the best pieces of horror media I’ve consumed. but s5 left me feeling... not bad, but off, even when there’s plenty I still rly like abt s5

it mainly comes down to 2 things for me: 1) the severe tone shift, and 2) Martin being Fucking Weird for a lot of the season

a lot of ppl have talked abt how s5 just wasn’t as scary as the previous seasons for various reasons. one kinda inevitable reason was simply that a lot of the mystery of the horror had been revealed at that point, and a monster is never as scary once you can see it clearly. but I think the bigger reason is that the format shifted from horror anthology to.... sociology anthology. like, every statement of s5 felt like a sociology paper on fear and systemic abuse, rather than something meant to chill the reader

this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, honestly-- like I said, much of the mystery had been revealed, so I think it was an understandable move to try to shift the narrative somehow. also, I love sociology papers! I think they’re interesting to read, and s5 gave us some rly creative frameworks for some of them (the poetic carousel, Oliver’s professional assessment, Jared’s garden--)

however, I do think the tone shift was still a bit jarring, esp considering what the audience was used to up to that point. perhaps that’s an appropriate move, to match a plot point as game-changing as the literal apocalypse. BUT that doesn’t mean the tone shift still wasn’t a bit of a let-down, in terms of horror and tension

like, yeah a lot of the mystery was gone, but Hill Top Road ended up being the big mystery of s5... and we weren’t even fully aware of it til almost the end of the season? sure, there was plenty of fan speculation, but we were also considering SO many other possibilities, Hill Top was never rly a core theory until VERY late in the game. like, the mystery seemed to take a backseat to the sociology papers, if that makes sense, lmao

literally the ONE episode to give me chills down my spine like the good ol’ days pre-s5 was MAG196: This Old House. Annabelle vaguely threatening Martin, and ending on, “You have no idea who’s listening, do you?” fucking SUPERB, I was absolutely DELIGHTED by the possibilities of that one line! like, what did it mean? were we gonna go full meta??

but the last few eps after that were... frankly kind of a letdown from that spike of tension? I think those last eps are what rly cinched this idea for me-- that s5 was literally like reading a sociology paper. it rly all was just, arguing about the possibilities, considering the consequences, and making decisions. which, again, isn’t necessarily bad, but it’s not horror-- it’s a thought exercise with an apocalyptic garnish

EDIT-- I forgot to say, I think this is part of why MAG200 simply didn’t hit me the same way it hit others. it was intellectually satisfying-- it tied up loose ends, closed character arcs/relationships, left some delicious ambiguity-- but not emotionally cathartic, if that makes sense? like, I was expecting to cry, but I didn’t even rly get teary? I was grinning and delighted by all the satisfying conclusions, but I didn’t feel that emotional RELEASE that I was expecting and hoping for

as for jonmartin, I want to be clear here. I am NOT one of those ppl that thinks jonmartin came out of nowhere in s4-- I think the buildup pre-s5 was excellent, and their finally being together at the end of s4 was so so earned and rewarding. I’m also NOT one of those ppl that thinks arguments = abuse. I think when I briefly criticized jonmartin in s5 in the past, ppl got this impression that like, I think that jonmartin miscommunicating and having bad coping mechanisms... means that they’re bad for each other and abusing each other? and that’s just not the case?? 

I admit that my initial response to some of the jonmartin weirdness may have been a bit harsh, but even at the time I still loved jonmartin and was simply looking at their relationship with a critical but loving lens

what I have a problem with is that Martin pulls just as much bullshit as Jon in s5, and NEVER gets called out for it

this post I made a while back gets more into the details that bother me, but essentially, there’s always been this rly uneven “accountability scale” (idk what else to call it) for Jon vs. a lot of other characters-- in that, Jon always gets called out for his bullshit, while a lot of other characters don’t. now a lot of this is perfectly explainable as Jon being the main character, so we simply see his fuck-ups AND the subsequent consequences more often than any other character. and there are plenty of characters that I absolutely do NOT blame for going a bit overboard (I give Melanie and Tim in particular a ton of leeway here, given their respective situations. they more or less have full rights to bully Jon imo)

but, the problem is, there are also a LOT of moments where other characters say something absolutely horrific to Jon (namely Basira and Georgie in s4), like imply that he’s responsible for problems he had absolutely no control over, or fucking blame him for literally being groomed into an Archivist by people/powers he couldn’t even grasp... and those accusations are just left to sit and fester in Jon, completely uncontested

the nice thing abt s5 is that most of this is addressed-- like Basira’s completely unfair double-standards for “monsters”, and Georgie unknowingly blaming Jon for his trauma, etc.-- in very satisfying ways.

.... except for Martin.

without rehashing that linked post too much, Martin’s main problem in s5 is that his go-to response to trauma is denial. he denies the fact that he wants to kill avatars for his own satisfaction (which is a completely reasonable desire on its own tbqh!), and instead continues to lie to himself (for quite a long time) that killing avatars is actually helping anyone but Jon and Martin. he denies that Jon’s become a real full-fledged “monster”, and refuses to acknowledge all the baggage that comes with that

this denial unintentionally projects a lot of rly fucked-up messages at Jon, like: Jon is now a freaky horrorshow (even when he’s doing something completely innocuous, like talking casually about his powers); Jon’s fears over losing his autonomy/identity to the Eye, and his fears over his proven abilities to hurt others, are invalid; monsters inherently deserve to die, despite Jon technically being one; Jon not being able to use his powers “well enough” is some failure on his part

now, none of this is to say Martin’s characterization on its own is a bad thing-- I actually think it could’ve been interesting! it’s a perfectly reasonable trauma response, it tracks for Martin’s character pre-s5, and could have been a rly interesting perspective to explore.... if it was ever actually challenged by the narrative or other characters

I think the closest we got was Martin’s conversation with himself in his own domain, when his double calls him out for fantasizing a happy ending where Jonah is dead and Jon and Martin kiss (OUGH.... JONNY YOU HURT ME..), but that still never rly addresses the hurt that Martin’s denial causes Jon

and god, I was rly holding out-- Martin seemed to chill out on the denial a lot after the first third of the season, and I was hoping it might go a similar route as Basira, where it would just take a while to rly address Martin’s issues. but then Jon and Martin have their argument in MAG194, and I was fully on Martin’s side of it, UNTIL he said, “You weren’t meant to enjoy it this much!” (in reference to Jon killing avatars), and when Jon calls him out, Martin just brushes over it! 

BOY when I tell you I went BALLISTIC.... FUCK YOU Martin, YOU’RE the one that went all Kill Bill and PUSHED Jon to feel the same way!! JESUS. like I get that that wasn’t the core of the argument there, but oh my god that one bit...

and once again, to make myself perfectly fucking crystal clear here, this is coming from someone who relates heavily to both Jon and Martin. I can see exactly where Martin is coming from for many of his decisions, and the trauma that’s led him to mentally protect himself like this. so it only makes me more frustrated to see him refuse to face his own issues, while still (understandably) expecting Jon to face his issues. yes, Jon pulls a LOT of bullshit in s5 that he deserves to be called out for (and called out he is!), but accountability goes both ways, Martin! you can’t demand responsible behavior from others if you’re not willing to extend the same courtesy!

[cornflowercanine]

why are we still here just to suffer every day i s33 ppl post scr33nshots from tiktok or say "ppl on tiktok are doing this thing where they think-". sick of it. if you wanna s33 13 year olds learning what the term 'trauma reaction' means and horrifically misusing it every single day go like, join vent, from what ive heard a8out it. like not joking seriously go get that app or get like, amino, if you just really really fucking want to s33 kids 8eing stupid as shit on social media apps, just stop making me involuntarily s33 a 15 year old earnestly say 'did you know if youre trans 8ut dont experience dysphoria theres this other word you can (as in i think you HAVE to) use??? it's super helpful!!!' and it has like 10k whatever the fuck form of interaction tiktok uses

[duchessofostergotlands]

Please excuse my ignorance. But you said ppl with BPD have experienced trauma or been raised by someone who has. Is that a part of the reason why people end up with BPD? Is it like a dissociation? Again, if I've said anything the wrong way I'm super sorry I know nothing and trying not to sound insulting or anything like that

Hello :) So to be precise what I said was “lots of people with BPD” have those experiences. There are also many people with BPD who have not experienced trauma directly or indirectly. That might sound pedantic but it’s actually a really important distinction for this particular condition. There’s no reason you should know this but BPD is a very highly disputed term and there are lots of conversations - quite antagonistic ones at times - amongst professionals and those with lived experience about the role of trauma in BPD so it is absolutely critical to not assume someone has experienced trauma because they have BPD or that they don’t have BPD because they haven’t experienced trauma. There are some people who have experienced trauma who believe that BPD is a diagnosis used to effectively silence and marginalise them for not handling trauma in the “appropriate” way. Which is a concern for many because BPD remains the most stigmatised condition amongst mental health professionals so negative and inaccurate views of people with BPD run deep even amongst those meant to help us. They would prefer not to have BPD as a diagnosis or to have a new term with trauma explicitly in the name/diagnostic criteria. Then you also have other people who have a BPD diagnosis and no experience of trauma and don’t want that change because it would take a diagnosis away from them without their consent or consultation. So it’s a very sensitive, highly debated matter and I think it’s important for me to make it clear that lots of people with BPD have experienced trauma but lots of people haven’t too. 

But to get to your question mental illness is not really that simple. It’s not the case that there’s a “reason” for a mental illness as such, it’s a complex interplay of genetic, biological and environmental factors. Trauma may predispose someone to a mental illness - BPD or one of many other conditions - or be a factor in why they develop certain thought patterns and coping mechanisms - for example having a heightened state of anxiety, compartmentalising, unstable relationships etc - but many people experience similar trauma and don’t develop mental illnesses. Dissociation can be a symptom of BPD but is just one of many possible symptoms, some people with BPD don’t experience dissociation at all and it’s a symptom in many other conditions too so the presence or absence of dissociation can’t tell you if someone has BPD or not on its own. It wouldn’t be correct to say that BPD is a form of dissociation, it would only be correct to say that it can be part of the wider experience of having BPD for some people. 

I honestly blame TV shows and movies for the way people think about trauma. The only times they ever talk about trauma are when they show an extreme, horrific event happening to an otherwise mentally healthy person which is followed by that person immediately shutting down emotionally. It’s not always like that. Mental health and mental illness are very complicated things. Trauma is very complicated - experts don’t even agree on what trauma is and a traumatic event means different things to different people which makes the whole thing even more confusing! 

[bloody-delicious]

H eEy there!!! ! is it possible that i could get a matchup?? im 5''4 aloof bi ghoul with long scruffy blonde hair, a red septum, and (usually) wearing spooky red eye makeup!! im REAL big into movies and collecting scary masks.,,scare-acting is a favorite hobby of mine! love getting high and listening to loud music B) im a bit reserved, a lil grouchy and ppl tend to be intimidated by me (which i dont mind LOL)

i match you with carrie white!

it is understood that carrie has suffered much throughout her life and has endured ruthless pain, both emotional and physical, from her peers and her own mother. through this trauma, she became a sinner, a murderer, a monster in order to survive the ordeal with her mind still somewhat intact. though she does not regret her killings and has become incredibly cynical and somewhat numb, a part of her longs to return to the way things were, with just her and her mother and God. safe in their refuge far away from the pain of the world, where carrie white was a pure, innocent girl who knew not of the torture that others would so mercilessly put her through in her teenage years, who knew nothing of betrayal or heartbreak or humiliation. while she deeply desires to return to this past, a flame still burns within her, boils her blood and urges her to rebel, to destroy. this part is drawn to horror, to what she now calls home. with this in mind, someone dangerous, someone intimidating, someone unpredictable has become quite appealing. someone who can match her intensity and her hatred, someone who understands the burden she has been forced to bear. she is drawn to your alternative style, attracted to someone who is different like her, yet somehow takes pride in who they are. this being said, acting confident around carrie will be good for her, showing her that being different is nothing to be ashamed of-it can be quite beautiful once you accept it. 

carrie may not enjoy your scare-acting, but she will eventually find it humorous once she becomes accustomed to it and understands that you mean her no harm. she may try to copy your actions, which can be good or bad, especially since she is sometimes unaware of her own strength. in terms of drugs, carrie has never experienced anything with any sort of thing like that-she most likely wont even know what it is your smoking until you tell her. a part of her will object to it, the part of her still clinging to her mothers strict rules and her own innocence. it is certain that she will never, ever experiment with them herself, and while she tries to discourage your use, she cant help but laugh when you act the way you do while under the influence. she may also not like it when you play loud music at first, but will become intrigued by what you listen to. shes never heard music like this before, and she likes it. she will become interested in exploring different genres with you and you will often catch her listening to music by herself, closing her eyes and letting the melody take her back to a different time. that being said, carrie will require support from you. she has had a horrific past, and carries with her untreated trauma. she will seek comfort in your arms, and you must give her the love that she never received. show her how kind the world can be, how beautiful. teach her to love herself, teach her to accept who she is. she will find a home in your protective embrace.in addition to this, falling in love with a girl will also be another hurdle for carrie. she has never experienced feelings for another woman like this, and was always taught that it was immoral. though she loves you, she will hold herself back because she rejects her own feelings. she has killed, and yet she still fears being a sinner through love. take the relationship slow, and respect her boundaries. one day, she may be able to fully embrace her identity.

[rebellum]

Just saw a post and this post is NOT gonna make sense I just woke up and I'm so sleep deprived bc I was out until 4am. So this could all sound like nonsense.

But anyways I totally understand someone whose ethnicity wasnt targeted by the holocaust getting triggered by holocaust narratives. It's a thing. Triggers don't inherently relate to trauma. When I was 12ish and had to read Night for school I had a more extreme response than expected, I guess bc high empathy and at that point had already started my years long chronic nightmares. So while in terms of length of the book i could have read it in a day, it took me several days bc I kept having to take breaks to sob and then emotionally recover, breaks to recover from nightmares, etc, so it took me like a week to read Night.

I'm not saying people who's ethnicities weren't targeted in the holocaust shouldn't read holocaust narrative books if they think it'll make them uncomfortable, but I think it makes sense for people to want warnings of exactly what is portrayed especially in a visual medium, and for people to take breaks and have to tread carefully, bc to sensitive people yeah it can trigger horrific nightmares, periods of low mood (which suck if you already have mood issues), and probs other experiences I'm forgetting about too.

(Also, even tho the original post specifically mentions Jewish ppl, here I am using the phrase "people whose ethnicities weren't targeted by the holocaust" instead of "non-Jewish people" bc yeah i think someone Roma or Sinti, or someone who's eg polish relatives or ancestors died in concentration camps, can absolutely be full on trauma triggered by reading holocaust narratives.)

[chiffondreams]

mid-sommer youtube shock video.

(mild gore description tw)

so from what i can clearly remember, my dream went from me shopping for new plants at a food/department store, to then running off and avoiding ppl in the store bathroom bc my brain was like no those are your managers out there with customers, you can't waste time staring at plants when you have shit to do. (clearly some fresh market trauma here bc i used to hide in the bathroom constantly.)

but then as i was leaving the bathroom, i was instead back to browsing for things, and i ended up meeting with a group of ppl who i swore were actors in a movie i saw??? like in the dream- thought i was in the presence of celebrities who i felt i recognized. they definitely weren't actual celebrities. there was exactly five of them too. one was a girl, i remember.

me and these new lil celebrity friends decided to ditch the store, and i remember we walked out the front sliding doors and faced dessert like scenery. so much sand and big hills in the distance. tbh this is where the dream shifts, cause i remember that my dream went from being my perspective to suddenly watching things like third person as if i didn't exist.

i was now watching these people (celebrities) stand at this massive edge to a cliff that was directly outside the store doors, and they all collectively decided they were gonna scale down this wall that was literally a vertical cliff to leave?? and the first guy did it perfectly.

i watched him scale down the wall, just sliding thru the sand and he safely landed at the bottom and stood looking back up at everyone else.

and so the rest of them attempted it- and they all just jumped instead.

like they straight just LEAPED. right off the cliff. literally no thought to it, no common sense.

and let me fucking tell y'all, the visuals were disgusting bc immediately it was just gore. 

these fuckers fell like the old bitch from mid sommer. i watched them fall one by one as they just kept jumping off the cliff- first one that jumped landed on top of the guy who made it safely, and just crushed him. i watched their heads split open, their bodies cracked like crumpled paper, and they all just piled on top of each other in a disgusting pile of organs and meat. they looked like they fucking exploded. i cannot describe the detail in full bc it was just so.... real. and the emotions i felt were so fucking visceral and horrific.

after seeing it all happen at what felt like milliseconds, it shocked me so badly that it sent me back into first person in the dream, were it turns out it was all just a horrific youtube video i was sent???????? and i was just watching it???

and i was in the bathroom again at the store, just wanting to go pee so i could leave and get back to work.

i woke up immediately when the self awareness of it being a video hit me. i ended up having to pee fr. by far one of the goriest dreams i've had yet in terms of the visual details i saw.

[zhiantara]

of course it also needs to be acknowledged about my experiences in regards to race. while what I went through was bad, I know that it could have been so much worse if i weren't white. this kind of brutal criticism of the presentations of little girls is sooo racialized and in the past I didn't understand the sheer prevalence of this, which contributed to my feeling alone and feeling like I was the only person in the world who had somehow failed so utterly at being what was expected of me. but I know now that many many girls who aren't white, especially black girls, go through similar or far worse persecution from both their peers and the adults in their lives in terms of having their femininity picked apart and policed.

idk, I don't want to speak on this too much bc it isn't really my place and there are so many others who have put it better than I ever could, but it feels worth mentioning in case anyone out there is seeing my posts and relating to them or whatever, it helped me unpack so much of my gender trauma to realize how much of the way I was treated by others and how I viewed myself was stemming from white beauty standards. pressure to shave, to lighten hyperpigmented spots, to pluck eyebrows; I constantly see other white feminists denouncing these things, but never because of the racial aspects of it, they only ever talk about it from the perspective of social pressure placed on them, without talking about WHY they're being coerced into doing these very specific things in the name of beauty. I would implore other white ppl reading this to attempt to recognize and question and challenge these horrific and traumatizing beliefs we've been ingrained with for our entire lifetimes..

when ppl misgender me I feel like I can't talk about it or express my sadness about it happening because it was my choice to go on testosterone so it's my fault if I get read as male... But then I remember that one of the main reasons I went on hrt in the first place is because even as a CHILD I was being insulted for not performing gender correctly. people talk about their gender assignments at birth and I feel like I was assigned female but with a caveat, assigned butch & assigned bulldyke by adults around me and all this was happening when I was 10 years old. of course all these terms were coming from straight people who couldn't grasp the essence of these words as being complex identities that bring some people deep happiness, they were just hurled at me as insults tantamount to "non-woman", "failed woman".

I thought if I couldn't succeed at being female that I had to default to navigating the world as a male because it was how everyone else saw me. people called me terms that highlighted my inability to live up to their standards of femininity before I even had a comprehension of what gender was, before I had even reached puberty. I had peoples perceptions that I was "masculine, never going to accomplish femaleness" pushed onto me basically from the day I could walk.

I think about this a lot, and it's one of the reason I avoid the term detransitioning, even though that's essentially what I'm doing right now with regards to my gender identity. I cannot and will not relate to them, because detransitioners so often aim their pain and regret back at trans people, saying that they were tricked by the trans community and brainwashed somehow into doing something that wasn't right for them. But my pain didn't come from the hands of trans people. it's only been among trans people that I've found acceptance and understanding of my complicated and traumatic relationship with gender, and it's no wonder I thought I was trans too when I heard those experiences and felt that sense of kinship.

People who detransition and become terfs are the scum of the earth. (and because of people like them, I'm struggling to find words to describe my current experience of no longer identifying as trans that don't throw trans people under the bus.) my narrative has more in common with any trans woman I've met than it does with the trans exclusionaries who say gender is a cult. I can't imagine coming out of circumstances like mine and deciding to blame trans people for it instead of feeling more than ever like they are a group that needs to be respected and protected.