#(if they do see this and maybe didnt want people to Spoil things i sincerely apologize and can change my ways i am just sosoossoososo excite

[mxbitters]

ok i stopped talking because i am sewing a silly little dog bone patch for the front of my jacket but listen. listen. listen. out with a bang???? fucking PHENOMENAL song but. god. with these past few weeks plus the context of the rest of the album combined??? actual tears. listen dog park dissidents have easily been my favorite band (that is not mcr because. well. yeah) for a fucking minute and i adore what they’ve done in the past, i mean i fucking blast the pink and black album but this?? this is entering a category of album for me that doesn’t really get new additions all that much. like. this is a revisit over and over and over and over and over again album. like. i am gonna burn this onto a blank cd on the family computer and decorate it with so many sharpies like i did religiously when i was 14. cathartic does not begin to explain what this is. it’s experimental it’s creative it’s so fucking musically interesting somehow the opening song felt like the opener to bullets meeting system of a down at least around the start and then the fucking CELLO (?) and like truly truly i have never heard a punk band do some of the shit i heard here. again. fucking tap solo. and i won’t give away some of the other musical twists it takes (support them and buy the album for $7 on their bandcamp and get the comic for free alongside or they will be releasing the rest of these songs every wednesday 💖) but like. the twists i’m talking about here?? i mean. i mean. so unexpected but also they make it work SO well not to mention just. oh god. so much of this was devastating and cathartic at once and this was so so so beautiful. definitely breaking the expectations i had for this band, some songs were a lot more polished than i was used to from them but like, musically, instrumentally, vocally, they’ve advanced so much and it’s incredible to see in real time. and lyrically… i mean i haven’t read through everything thoroughly but they are incredible, but then again i think they’ve been consistently incredible lyrically for quite some time at this point

anyway thank you for reading you can check out magnificent bastards here and also they have a tumblr i am very shy to tag them but uhmm @dog-park-dissidents is where they are at and listen and listen and listen this is fucking remarkable

y’all.. the new dog park dissidents album is FUCKING MY BRAIN

[angelfire115]

You swept me off my feet

Charlotte stared out her window, staring at the clear blue sky above. She pondered whether this whole "arranged marriage" thing would be a good thing for her or at least something she would want for her future. As she stared into space, her mind a never ending road of thoughts, she felt a hand grab her shoulder, stopping her minds race to find an answer. She looked to see her best and only friend Anna. Anna was a family friend, they had known each other ever since they were kids.

Anna: "Charl, are you ok?". Charlotte looked to her worried friend but gave her a smile and a nod. Charlotte: "Its ok Annie, I'm fine, maybe a bit nervous but overall I'm ok". Today was the day she were to meet the Eldritch family. Like hers, they had their own company and were quiet wealthy. Charlottes father, Samuel Magne, decided she would be married to their eldest son, Harold Von Eldritch to further their business and to make a future generation that could take his place.

Charlotte's mother, Lily Magne, had agreed to this as well. Charlotte, of course, had her worries but for her family, she would do anything for them or a least try her best too. After Charlotte put on her beautiful flowery dress her mother chose to wear, she walked with her friend to the carriage waiting outside. She hopped in with Anna and off they went. Anna started some chit chat while they were heading towards the Eldritch mansion to keep her friends mind of it all till they arrived.

When they did, the mansion and gardens were extraordinary. It didn't compare to her own home but it still was fantastic and new, she couldn't wait to explore it all. As they stopped and got out the carriage, they were guided by a butler to the inside. They were lead to the main lobby where Charlottes family and the Eldritch's family were waiting and chatting. As soon as they spotted her, both her parents smiles became wide.

Samuel: "Ah, there you are my beautiful daughter, I do hope the trip was alright for you". Charlotte smiled sincerely at her father, his way of speaking so loudly and open always cheered her up. Charlotte: "Don't worry father, the ride was quite alright". Lily, her mother, joined her fathers side in admiring their daughter. Lily: "You look wonderful my dear, now, i think some introductions are in order". Her mother lead her daughter to meet the rest of the Eldritchs.

Lily: "Everyone, this is my beautiful daughter, Charlotte". She smiled softly to the other family members, their bouncy mother rushed to Charlotte with open arms and a huge smile. Mary Von Eldritch: "Oh my dear, I'm so happy to finally meet you, look how gorgeous you are in that dress". Mary Von Eldritch was a beautiful lady with a very interesting personailty. She came in close to pinch her cheeks. Her husband, Arthur Von Eldritch, came up from behind his wife to place a hand on her shoulder. Arthur: "Now now dear, no need to spoil her yet, she needs to get used to us and know us first, speaking of getting to know people, HAROLD!". Arthur called out in a loud tone to call for his son and Charlotte's one to be, out to the lobby.

Harold appeared from the corner dressed in a very fancy suit. He had a soft smile and beaming eyes. He walked to his fathers side and stared contently at Charlotte which made her shyly blush. His father placed his hand around his sons shoulder. Arthur: "This here is my only and eldest son, Harold". Harold: "Hello everyone, welcome to our humble home, I am Harold Von Eldritch, it is very nice to meet you all". As he spoke, another person came from the corner, a girl around the same age as Charlotte. Arthur: "And this here is my beautiful daughter, Helsa".

Helsa didnt seem much for conversation but turned to the family with a respectful smile. Helsa: "Hello". Overall the family seemed like a great and happy family. Charlotte had her worries but it seems they were washed away in an instant. Mary: "Now, how about we start on dinner, shall we?". Everyone hummed in agreement as they were lead to the eating table. As they sat down, swarms of butlers and waitresses rushed in placing plates and bowls filled with delectable foods and jugs and cups filled with moutwatering drinks. The dinner time went by smoothly, they discussed on several different matters and gossip till they ended with the discussion of the marriage.

Mary: "Ooooh it'll be such a wonderful event, I can't wait till I see you in that wedding dress dear Charlotte, you will look absolutely beautiful". Charlotte blushed at the compliment, Mary Von Eldritch was an eccentric woman but such a motherly heart. After the discussions, times, theme and more were all under detailed instructions and more. They all finished their meals and waited for dessert. Charlotte somewhat blanked out as the conversation kept going, she had a strange feeling inside of her that something was missing and she didn't know what it was. Samuel: "Well since she'll be staying here until the wedding day, it would be proper to occasionally visit".

That one sentence from her father made her snap into existence. Charlotte: "Wait a second father, could you repeat what you said? I don't think i was told this". Her parents and the Eldritch family looked to the young girl in confusion. Lily: "Oh yes, I almost forgot to tell you, sweety, you'll be staying at the Eldritch's till the wedding, so that you can become more accustomed to the family and get to know Harold". This made Charlotte's heart stop, she'll be staying here? It would make sense to make herself more used to the family she'll be married in but the thought of being so far from home didn't sit right with her.

Samuel: "It will be in your duty to get to know them so your wedding can go through much smoother, I hope you understand my dear Charlotte". The look her father gave made it clear she had to listen, for her family sake, she'd do anything. Charlotte: "Yes father". She gave in and went back to her food, under the table, Anna held her hand for comfort which she smiled from, she was glad her friend was there, it would have been a lot harder of a time if she wasn't.

The rest of the night went ahead smoothly with the families. But sooner or later, her family and friend had to leave but she had to stay. She would listen to her father and do his bidding. As she watched the carriages ride of into the distance she stared up to the sky to watch the stars glint ever so gently on the dark night. She turned back to the house and entered, the mother and father, Mary and Arthur, stood by the door with their arms wrapped around each other like a loving couple. Mary: "Oh don't worry dear, it is just 2 weeks, you'll fit right in, no doubt you will".

Charlotte smiled at her considerstion, she was such a kind lady and she was glad she was. Although that gut feeling of something being off or missing still stuck with her. She sat at an arm chair that sat at the corner of her new room. Wearing her elegant night dress, she stared off into the sky. Out of everything here, the blinking stars that stared gently back to her, gave her more comfort then anything else in this house. Then she questioned, is this truly what she wants?

(Note: I have no idea how the Eldritch's act or do or even their real names so everything here is off the top of my head, this is a new Charlastor story set in the 1800s, Annie is Vaggie, Charlotte is Charlie, Samuel is Lucifer and Lily is Lilith. People wanted to see it so here it is （＾ω＾）)

Also thanks to these guys for wanting it

@charliemagne-world

@acopperbutterfly

@thetinypuppet

[gayregis]

im at that stage of fatigue from the day where i’m so tired the fanfiction is writing itself in my mind theough dialogue but i’m too insanely tired to sit down and write it all out and i work a shift in the morning too so i dont even have time ... so ill forget everything come morning

[[MORE]]

psych, ima try to outline it rn

this is after a little sacrifice and also after season of storms and takes place in cidaris (im not clear on if kerack is the capital so season of storms dealt with the proper king of cidaris or if it was just a local kingship but im hcing that cidaris is also a capital city as well as the region/nation).

this is geralt and dandelion going to the grape festival mentioned in a little sacrifice btw

main goal for this is to basically give dandelion more depth and address his identity issues and backstory and just how his character is in general

valdo marx (as far as i am headcanoning in terms of appearance right now) is of course , also a twink and they have similar builds but valdo isnt as skinny as dandelion because he has access to three full meals every day. he has dark brown hair and green eyes, and i might give him the same hair and beard as dandelion from tw3 just to spite cdpr. he used to sport green/purple doublets as an independent artist, but now as the reaident troubadour of cidaris, he’s adopted their emblatic colors (blue and white) and wears a doublet with a sash of these colors. he doesn’t have poofy sleeves, instead he has these ruffs and like... bellbottom sleeves. also this method of embellishing clothes that i learned from a glamour video (it’s @ 4:30ish) called slashing is applicable to his outfits. i think he veers away from tights unlike dandelion, so he wears more breeches than anything. he doesn’t have detailed embroidery like dandelion, but rather patterned/quilted areas with silver and some small pearls added for decoration in these sections as well.

so geralt and valdo have to be placed together somehow in a conversation. basically he wants to #expose dandelion for being a fraud... but he’s not doing it out of Pure Evil, he’s (vaguely) kind of like the lodge of sorceresses in which it’s like, he is only wanting things to be done his way because really he thinks it’s the best way to do things. he’s really a victim of academia, he would be someone that supports the fact that instruments are like $1,000 each.

basically he and dandelion were classmates at oxenfurt and at first hit it off very well and shared notes and thoughts and sexual partners and all was splendid. but they got competitive and valdo HATES that dandelion does NOT come from a family known for music or any kind of art. basically dandelion is a novus homo, but in the world of music, and valdo comes from an established family which has been musically inclined for generations. he feels that ppl like dandelion just wanna go to oxenfurt for shits and giggles and dont take this opportunity seriously because theyre too blinded by their own arrogance to actually learn anything. and he may be right in regards to a lot of other children of wealthy noble families that attend oxenfurt. but dandelion’s case was different and this he does not like to admit. also he hates how dandelion is... inclined to... a life of debauchery... because he feels he perpetuates stereotypes of artists being good for nothing penniless drunkards and lechers, and makes it harder for Real Professionals from Actual Lineage to get a job. also he has a disdain for how dandelion really wanted to travel and admired the “musicians of the world” that never attended some fancy college, and again valdo sees this as him not appreciating the opportunity he was given, because all you ever need to interact with is this little 1 mile by 1 mile square of oxenfurt, and not even the whole city, just the college. also when valdo tells all this to geralt he goes give him a judgemental up and down look like... “julian loves meeting, writing about, and... ahem... fraternizing with... all kinds of ... people.” (he was gonna say “trash,” but geralt has swords and cats eyes, so valdo swallowed that last word). ALSO ALSO valdo thinks dandelion is further destroying the sanctity of academic places like oxenfurt by training good for nothings from other nobody families, like essi daven, who was actually from a noble family but one not too rich because it was kind of distant from the ruling family. and since she threw a fit they let her do her own thing instead of marrying her off.

also valdo is like “julian— ahem, ... ‘dandelion,’ as you know him... i don’t know why he uses that absurd little nickname,” because he just finds the idea of a pseudonym stupid (since hes from a famous musical family of course he wants to highlight his lineage). and again he dislikes how dandelion is Corrupting Others by not only mentoring essi at oxenfurt, but training her in an “unorthodox fashion,” ie they just duet and talk shit about random stuff and he advises her weird things like “get a cool fake name so all the girls have something to scream as you go on stage”

as they interact with each other, valdo and dandelion actually are kind of opposite of dandelion and essi. they dont throw ANY snide remarks and keep it all under wraps with just pleased smiles and then as soon as theyre out of earshot (a long way for bards) theyre like “i am going to take the replacement strings of my lute and choke the lights out of that tone-deaf idiot” ... geralt is like 😳 to see aggression in dandelion and hes a bit intimidated at first but then is like Bro Are you Fucking Okay ????? Because its so unnatural for dandelion to be Actually Upset about something and not be ok within half a day

scene where dandelion is staring at the mirror and geralt is like you have been staring at the mirror for a long time, even by your standards... dandelion is like “i have to change something... geralt, look at me. look at me. (says it again bc geralt didnt look up the first time). if you could change one thing about my face, what would it be?” and geralts obviously like “nothing.” and dandelions like dont be fucking difficult just tell me i need to know i need your opinion and geralt is like that IS my opinion i sincerely like your face the way it is. something something blah blah blah tenderness geralt says smth like dandelion you have a lot of loyal fans okay...... and hes trying to refer to himself but he doesnt wanna say it aloud

i think something about dandelion talking about who he was (basically referring to “julian” in the 3rd person) and just very uncharacteristically self-loathing but them he pops back into his little arrogant self ... basically he covers that everyone Fucking Laughed at him for wanting to sing but he did it and now he’s the best and also, sexy. in this whole scene (same scene as last bullet point) he is also saying that he needs to “prove himself” and geralt is just like What More Can You Do, You Are Literally Famous... but dandelion is just pensive about it

also he says something like “theres two versions of me... julian with a dream who nobody knows, and dandelion who’s famous and loved.” and geralts like “theres three.” “three?” “there’s also dandelion, the one i know, who, it doesn’t matter if he’s famous or what, because i just like him and enjoy his company.” BECAUSE i dont know how not to be blunt and not hit my readers over the head with what i wanted to get across. geralt is a blunt man however so i think its acceptable to do this

basically this fic is “dandelion can have little a OOCness for character development”

tbh its not too ooc (hopefully) bc hes not like downright depressed, hes just pensive, like he is when hes trying to think of a good title or rhymes and nothing is working. nothing is working! hes frustrated!!!

i have nooooo idea how to resolve this conflict ive introduced. i think valdo and dandelion have to sing a duet together and it is like skating on thin ice with sharks underneath . MAYBE valdo gets possessed by,, something? not a demon bc IVE HAD ENOUGH GOETIA AFTER SEASON OF STORMS but you know An Entity, and dandelion is like wow this is an improvement!! and geralts like no it isnt, now i have to exorcise this fucker

also throughout this i think that the king and queen of cidaris (maintaining that kerack isnt the capital and is just another kingship within the nation) looooveveeveveeee dandelion and his presence and are like oh dandelion you are always welcome in our court :) which also totally pisses valdo off because its like dandelion came into his work/home and fucked both of his bosses and is trying to steal their loyalty through Sexual Appeal. which. may ring true. but dandelion does stuff for fun and not for manipulation soooo valdo is a little wrong in thinking dandelion is manipulating them. and this also adds to valdos resentment of dandelion for being so promiscuous and also writing about his love affairs bc he feels it detracts from The Art...

basically this fic is also me telling academia and ppl who feel art should be limited to a certain crowd to go stuff it cause no one cares and creativity and learning is only human of anyone. also an excuse to give dandelion character depth and also an excuse to break how geralt is always the gloomy one and dandelion has to cheer him up, i think though they do have their strong personalities, relationships should ideally go both ways in terms of emotional support so it shows geralt has the capacity to support a dandelion with festering anger and personal identity problems. also a way for geralt to learn a little abt dandelions backstory without learning/spoiling the fact that hes a v*scount and actually noble and wealthy (they just refer to his family as being wealthy enough to pay for oxenfurt which is significant but not astounding)

[glorious-sea-pancakes]

*steeples fingers thoughtfully* ..... I personally believe Genji makes more sense as an Aromantic character.  And this is coming from an Aro/Ace person. Genji very much reads to me as an Aro person because I see some of myself in him. No ship I’ve seen him in really reads as... 100% sincere to me. I can definitely see him being VERY close to Angela because of obvious reasons. Same thing with Zenyatta. Same with McCree and Lucio. But not... romantic. At least not what most people would understand as romance. 

Maybe it is because I just don’t find any of the Genji ships very compelling. But, then again, I may find them compelling if I perceived actual chemistry there. Instead I find it WAY more compelling to have him as confused, conflicted, and strangely relieved as I am.  

I need more depictions of clan Gengoo not really giving his lack of relationships a second thought. Because Genji sure as fuck doesn’t read as asexual. I mean, come on, kid was surely a junkie for any kind of thrill and rebellion. Having tons of lovers and complete freedom to be an absolute hedonist seems to fit him well. Not to mention he was attractive, rich, and powerful. No way he wasn’t getting more ass than a public toilet seat.

I can see spoiled and selfish but well meaning genji hopping from bed to bed, maybe trying out relationships that would tie the clan elders in knots but never staying long. Because he really did like that omnic but he also enjoyed the company of that poly amorous trio as well as that man and that woman and and and. But this is not a poly genji! No, genji wasn’t attached That Way to any of them and didnt feel any regret when he wandered off. He missed them but not in a Airborne Toxic Event “Sometime Around Midnight” sort of way. The way you would miss a friend. Maybe a little more than most people miss a friend. But he can live without them easily and he definitely wouldn’t feel moved to cry. 

Maybe he tried to be friends with some of his lovers after breaking up and was a little confused why sometimes people just couldn’t move on the way he could. The way he did. He might have felt a little like a bad person for causing someone he cared about heartbreak. Maybe he would feel a little bit like a bad person for not feeling heartbreak himself like he has been told by culture he should be feeling. Genji TRYING to channel that Sometime Around Midnight feel but just can’t muster it up in his heart. Hell, the dramatic little turd may have pretended and Hanzo’s reaction to that would be interesting and pretty funny. Because Hanzo loves like the average person and he can read Genji like a book and throws darts at Genji until he knocks it off.   Then Genji is a broken and lonely man. His big brother turned on him. The only person he really loved because family is a love he understands. Their parents may have already broken Genji’s heart and trust long ago but Hanzo is a deep cut. THIS is heartbreak. I doubt romantic love once crossed genji’s mind while he was in blackwatch. He was too busy coming to terms with his body and obsessing over what happened. Anyone stupid enough to flirt with or connect with genji would find a sword at their throat. Because genji is too disgusted by his body to enjoy physical pleasure and how DARE they try to know him.  Fast forward to genji post zenyatta, now at peace and happy. He’s better than he ever has been. He’s grown up, grown some self awareness and maturity while rediscovering his childish wonder and playfulness. Not everything is easy but all life has its challenges. He has accepted his body as much as he can and doesn’t resent it for what it is anymore. There are good days and bad days. Genji may still miss his fully human appearance, may feel a little uncomfortable indulging in sex again. Crossing that bridge would be a very slow reluctant journey. 

And yet! The appeal of sex has waned too. Because he has finally embraced his true moral compass without the clan stifling him. He has seen his flaws and his strengths and is a better person. So... shouldn’t he feel more attached to people? Surely that lack was a symptom of his selfishness. He isn’t that selfish boy anymore, right? Imagine genji trying out a romance and being so bewildered and conflicted because he STILL feels insincere and still could take or leave being tied to someone. It isn’t that he doesn’t care, not at all. He adores this person. He just hasn’t fallen in love. 

Maybe he is doing it wrong! But trying has mixed results and ‘try’ isn’t a great operative word in such circumstances. So maybe he just... shouldn’t worry about it and do his own thing. And so he does. And he still pauses when he cares about someone and wonders if this is what a Love feels like and isn’t really sure. He adores Zenyatta and Mercy and McCree and Lucio. He wants to keep them around, to keep living with them and seeing them every day when he wakes up. But he still doesn’t really love them in quite the right way. 

Sometimes he feels like his lack of romantic angst is a bit of a cop out, that on some level not aching over a relationship was the easy way out. Or his lack of emotional attraction a result of the agony he endured, a sign that he’s broken and not fully put back together, just as piecemeal as his body. Genji would have to balance that pain and uncertainty over what happened every day for the rest of his life even having moved on. That’s life. And his lack of romance is one of those things that bothers him a little yet can’t really be resolved. Just like his body.

One of the main themes with Genji is freedom. His nickname is sparrow and clasically bird = freedom. Genji’s entire backstory was that he was too wild and free to be kept by the Shimada clan and had to be put down for it. Then he was caged by his grief and feeling of betrayal for so long only to be set free again by Zenyatta. To a degree, one could say Genji being aromantic would be another symbol of that freedom. 

[genebelcher]

ANOTHER trailer (over)analysis!!!!

they are SPOILING ME, y’all... they put out another new trailer for the bob’s burgers movie today... a lot of it is stuff we have seen before but there’s a considerable amount of new footage, like two dozen screenshots’ worth. i’ve made one, two, three, four analysis posts for previous trailers with new footage! i’m drawing connections back to them in this post so they might be helpful to look at first (or at least familiarity with the trailers themselves will make this post make more sense)

don’t look under the read more if you don’t want to see any pics from the trailer (ik some people like to avoid spoilers entirely), or if you don’t want to load a bunch of images right now (i have over 20 screenshots im going to analyze, plus more links to older screencaps for context when i refer back to them). also fair warning i just screencapped these from youtube on my phone and didnt crop out the borders or the channel bug in the corner

(also pls don't rb this bc there’s a lot of people on this hellsite that i do not want interacting with me, there’s a reason i didn’t put this post in the main tags, just wanted to get my thoughts out somewhere)

here we go again (i sincerely love doing these so much)!!!!

several of the new bits we got are directly and obviously connected to footage we’ve seen before, such as........

this is obviously from the scene where linda’s advertising “sexy burgers”; bob tells her to go away (rude! lol)

linda gasping (outside wonder wharf with bob and the burger stand in the background)... no further context is given but maybe pesto’s has set up a pizza stand across the street as competition? not that bob’s seems to be doing well as a stand outside wonder wharf...

the belcher kids hopping into the back of bosco’s car; seems like they just decided to get in the car because he’s so shocked he splashes himself with his coffee. hope he stained his shirt, 1312

heretofore-unseen shot of louise pitching something to kuchi kopi and the crew (presumably in her imagination, presumably while she’s stuck in the sinkhole at night). kuchi kopi’s much-seen reaction follows

a little more context for the scene where the kids are in the dumbwaiter/pulley thing off of felix’s treehouse. gene (seemingly accidentally) pulls the lever, and.....

it starts moving away from the treehouse. question, though...where is the lever we just saw? there’s no bluish-grey wood anywhere in these shots...is this a deliberate misdirect or just a trailer inconsistency?

louise hissing at mr. frond, which of course intimidates him because he is pathetic. my poor little meow meow.

more from the musical number with the ducks in the kiddie pool at the rv park. at this point i’m POSITIVE these people are wonder wharf employees and this is where at least some of them live. i’m guessing this is a REALLY IMPORTANT scene also because it’s in all the trailers and the dude in the cream polo is on the poster and also in the front of this scene (which, based on what i know about musicals, is probably the big finish for the musical number).

bob and linda happily dancing down the street. this is probably at the beginning of the movie seeing as there’s no sinkhole or grand re-re-re-re-opening banner. this is probably from the same musical number as this shot from trailer 1 and possibly that over-the-window one from trailer 2. also maybe the takeout bag is for the banker (to appease him, most likely), since first oceanside bank is across the street? maybe their high-five is because he liked the food. maybe it’s even that breakfast burger we see bob lovingly stroking? in that scene tina is talking about big things happening over the summer and this song seems to be about it being “the summer of our lives”.

same, gene, same. pretty sure this is felix’s treehouse (the wood background + slanted wall is kind of a giveaway). i don’t THINK that’s part of his sailor suit bc that seems to be a true navy blue while the thing gene is rubbing his face all over is a lighter blue with a bit more of a turquoise/teal undertone. might be a blanket. it’s in the background of this scene where louise is crawling across his bed and it looks like there’s just a sheet on the bed.

felix trying to adjust his jacket or something. cute. this room looks like it’s the same room where that merman statue is, based on the gold railing and the wallpaper color and pattern.

i don’t think we’ve seen this particular shot of louise falling into the sinkhole before. if we did, i didn’t notice she was wearing (rain?) boots. makes sense that the sinkhole might be muddy since it was caused by a busted water main. also a great aesthetic choice to make her boots yellow because it completes a triadic color palette (pink hat + cyan pajamas + yellow boots) and cyan + yellow combine into green like her regular dress

previously we’ve seen a bit of this scene where tina is with a sparkly purple glowing jimmy jr. at wonder wharf, but it was her shoving him into the game booth so i didn’t notice he’s also translucent which makes me think a) it’s not part of the friend fiction scene where they’re riding horses and b) tina is actually at wonder wharf, and she’s imagining he’s there with her. i wonder what her shoving him means...maybe she’s just trying to focus on something else (probably related to the mystery arc), maybe she’s focused on another boy?

i don’t believe we’ve seen this particular shot of linda, bob, and teddy with the burger cart being chased through wonder wharf before. i’m still wondering what the hell they did to get an angry mob chasing them.

[welp-this-happened]

“Youre fine”

“You smile and laugh you cant be sad”

“If you dont know you DO NOT want to have ‘issues’ like your father and sister”

I dont want them but i think i do and thats the issue

“Theres nothing wrong with you”

You never know until i get checked

“Its all in your head”

“You probably just want attention”

Yea well you know what? Fuck you

Sure, its all in my head.

Its all in my fucked up head

I cant have any issues or id be just like them right?

“You would tell me if something was wrong right?”

I already do and you laugh

You think its a joke

“You are too smart to have a mental illness”

Thats not how that works

“You know better then to be sad”

No

I dont know better what the fuck do you mean

“Attention hog”

“Liar”

“Spoiled brat”

“You should go on a diet”

Are those really things you should say to family?

Your daughter? Granddaughter? Your niece?

Wow

“You shouldnt eat that much”

“Why dont you ever eat?”

I fucking wonder why

“You don’t deserve the things you have”

Well guess what? I didnt ask for them

“Suck your stomach in”

“Untuck your hair”

“Stand talller you look ridiculous slouching”

Stop telling me im not good enough

“Why dont you wear heels?”

“Put on some makeup”

“Cover up your achne, the boys will like you better”

You dont know anything about me

“It would be better if gay people weren’t ruining things for normal people”

“At least you have a chance to go to heaven”

“Straight or gay you cant be both”

“Homosexuals don’t deserve to be on this earth”

“The gays are the issue itd be better if they were gone”

Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

“You dont hurt yourself you cant be depressed”

“Prove it show me scars”

“Thats an excuse to be lazy”

I dont have to show you anything you dont know anything

“We cant be friends anymore”

“Oh you like that kind of thing”

“We can be friends but dont look at me weird”

I never was

“Ugly”

“Pig”

“Slut”

“Whore”

I didnt do anything to you

“Wouldnt it be better if you just left?”

Yea maybe

But im still here

Nothing you fuckers say will make me turn away from life

Ridicule me

Scream at me

Tell me that im worthless

Tear me down

Call me names

Say that the world is better without me

Ive already gone through hell

Ive stood at brige and cliffs

I have starred at blades for hours

I have clawed my skin raw

But i refuse

To let you pieces of shit be the reason i die

I live in spite of you

I live because i know it makes you mad when you see me laugh

I live to keep you from saying that to others

I live to make your asses miserable by seeing the person you tried so hard to tear down walking

Maybe im not thriving but you know what?

Im okay with that

I have kitten

I have friends

And i will get better

It sure as hell will take a long time but i will

Even if no one believes me or helps me along the way

Thats just one more reason to live

Prove them wrong

Live and show the assholes who attacked you that you ARE better then them

Live for the face they make when they see you happy

Live in SPITE of the people who fucked you over

I could care less what i look like but you know what?

I want to look better then you

I want to be more outgoing

I will be more confident

I will be happy

I will take the dirt you threw me onto and make my own damn path

I have ups and downs

Some really really bad downs

But even with that im content

You thought you could tear me down?

Oh honey,

You only made me stronger.

😘🖕🏼

Sincerely,

Lizy~

[somedaypast-thesunset]

i want to just work through these paranoid delusions right now.

but like, its hard because its actually a possibility that im not actually wrong. and i have this overall hope that i am but i could be right too.

he didnt call or answer any of my texts today. i mean, sometimes this happens. and if he just like.. didnt care enough to call or answer my texts at all, that does suck but i have paranoias that are larger and i hate that. it really bothers me that i would jump to such conclusions. and it bothers me that its even brought up to me like its something i would or maybe should (!?!) be doing. should i? am i still wrong to believe anything moire than what is here? maybe his overzealousness in “helping” was tryng to make up for whatever he would be doing today. 

i sincerely do love him but i dont think it matters. and like.. something is happening. something in my brain is switching and its not just like .. a mood. i dont feel moody. its not like i get stoned and forget about it. i really feel like so many things are wrong. and  like the experiences im having teaches me that life has so many variables and nothing can be predicted or made to last forever. nothing lasts. 

but i want a real partnership, you know? ive said it before. and like i honestly dont think i need monetary value to be worthy of a partnership because its not a business partnership. thats not what life is about. it shouldnt be about how much money i have or where i get the money from. and it shouldnt be based on sexual needs or my desireability or availability. 

i obviously feel naive in believing he probably isnt like other men. he probably is. 

some days, honestly, i just want to turn to him and be like “why the fuck am i here?”. thats what its become. why am i here now? why do i continue this? what is the purpose if it amounts to nothing in the end? nothing changes. i never really have a family. im just kind of always on my own - independent but not. 

i dont think alot of people understand partnership in my position as a necessity. i believe my friend did. i think he knew that in my position - man or woman, i needed a partnership. it would be incredibly hard for me to overcome this situation or my life issues itself ithout a sincere partnership. i cannot be alone. it is absolutely unfair that i have to live my life in such serious isolation. and i dont know if im like a whiny piece of shit. i dont know. i dont know anyone else in my situation right now. the only person i know at all who might vaguely is someone online i dont even speak to and i could just be projecting what i perceive because i want it so badly. just to SEE it.i feel like i need to read some how-to guide of a personal experience of how to be now. how do i exist with nothing. how can someone who has something instruct me on how to live with nothing? how could they possibly even perceive nothing? 

thats my isolation. and when i say nothing, i’m not saying i literally hve nothing and will have nothing forever. i have _things_. i have pets, i have items of comfort, i have a laptop and a phone. but i dont have basic things other people have - i cant use my phone to call up a family member or some long time friend; i can but the reaction would be of confusion and general lack of care, honestly. because i HAVE. ive tried. ive reached out and ive tried and what i got back was terrible. and like.. i guess im still wondering why. like i dont understand why i bear the weight of everyones grudges against my parents. they dont care and they dont even want to care. they have their own shit. everyone has their own shit. but they continue to feed off each other and im disowned. 

which is fine. okay. ive accepted that. ive accepted i will not know the people i had a basic right to know. i accept that theyre unhealthy people for my life and no matter how much i hope they wont be - they are. end of story. ive accepted, for the most part, on a basic level - my parents are dead. ive accepted from here on out, the people i know will be people ive only just met in the past year or so of my life. and it’s like being put into a strange country with no one you know and no way to contact anyone you know. everything seems totally fucking foreign and no one knows me or what ive done in life and like that story is entirely dependent on me. the only person who will tell my life story now is me. no one has a fucking clue. well i mean - my ex got a few years. and those were terrible representations of who i am as a person, honestly, because i spent a long time being uncomfortable around him. i think i loved him. maybe ive honestly never loved anyone. maybe ive honestly never been loved.

well i mean, my father. that was a deep unconditional love and i was very dependent on that love. i wanted and maybe needed that constant source of unconditional focused love. he would tell me i was his favourite child. he gave me everything and i dont necessarily need that level of love again but that was a partnership. i gave him years of my life. i fought for him. i cared for him. i went through things none of my friends had to go through at a really young age for him. i deserved that level of unconditional love. i really did. as a shitty stubborn bratty child and teen, i definitely took advantage of it on more than one occasion; but spoiled brats tend to do that sometimes. but when life became incredibly serious early on, i became incredibly serious. 

i want my love to actually be worth something. and like.. even my own understanding of worth is based in money. worth = value = money. but what is my love worth? what do i deserve? i used to believe it was just a basic respect; just common decency. but thats not enough. thats not satisfying to my needs and wants in life. i feel like i deserve more. 

the only way to pull me out of isolation is have someone who truly cares about me. who truly wants to know me. who wants to create more for me, to create a comfort for me because they understand i have nothing and that makes my words and stories valulable and necessary to my life and character.