#(idk how to tell which is which at this point and i dont really care as long as it gives me happy chemicals)
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BUDDIE FIC RECS PART 2
Okay heres more fics cause ive been reading so so much lately, i cannot and will not be stopped. Heres the first list. I will most prob keep on making lists cause i honestly cannot stop reading. Once again, in no particular order:
Songbird by @colonoscopys - Goes first cause i just finished reading this one. FREAK EDDIE IS MY PASION. I said it already but at one point eddie eats bucks hair. Its awesome! FreakxFreak DumbxDumb
a bleeding sun on a silver screen by @hoediaz EVERYONE ALREADY READ THIS ONE RIGHT? IF NOT WTF ARE YOU EVEN DOING GO! ACTORS AU YOU WILL NE FAMOUS FOREVER.
chess inside my chest by @buick118 - HELLOOOO THIS ONE FIXED SOMETHING INSIDE MY CHEST "heart clipped in the backseat with his headphones already secured over his ears." I NEED AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS WRITING ❤️🩹
Two, Three Times in a Row by leslie_knope i honestly have no words for how much i love this fic, i reread it all the time, like ive reread it so much its embarrasing. Some of the best smut ive read.
wanna do a bad thing twice by @coldbam BUCK IS SUCH A FREAK GOD HE IS SUCH A FREAK
(You know what actually there are 2 more fics were buck is the freakiest hes ever been so ill put them right below ⬇️)
slow motion, double vision in rose blush by @saryasy Eddie Diaz. His friend. His Eddie. Has kissed a man. Which is strange because Buck is sure as hell he'd remember kissing Eddie.
Me at Buck: FREAAAAAAAAK
Also special mention to that flashback WOW!
i can tell just what you want (you don't want to be alone) by @tallsinspace Buck loses it every single time this is so awesome, it was so FUN reading INFIDELEDDIE this hiatus 🫶🏽
songs and poems and promises by @lesbianrobin buck summer of disatisfaction turns around thanks to eddie god they are so in love! Also special mention to chim well and maddie lets fucking goooooo
we keep this love in a photograph by @burnthatbridge its just so so freaking beautiful. Buck chooses eddies pics for his dating app after he comes out...
the tortured poets department by @colonoscopys once again the kind of fic that you wanna reread again and again.
"The first time Buck touched him, Eddie blew an ambulance up."
still sitting in a corner i haunt by @cal-daisies-and-briars i just love this one so much, should reread it, trust me its worth it.
we're not in love (but the sex is good) by elless. Idk i loved this one. Buddie are not even friends they just want the benefits as soon as they meet. The transition from that to them actually getting to know each other so naturally and start caring about each other is so beautiful.
in the passenger seat by @livingincolorsagain Evan Buckley was put on God’s green earth to drive Eddie Diaz around.
Just BEAUTIFUL.
tying you to me by @hoediaz ONCE AGAIN PERFECT TYPE OF WRITING. Buddie meet each other after 5x11. SO ORIGINAL GOD.
the soft animal of your body by @hattalove . This is a coda to another fic but can be read on its own. Just beautiful beautiful love making. I think i commented that i felt like they were making love with the words they were saying to each other just sitting on the kitchen table talking.
we could follow the sparks, i’ll drive by @markofalover bucks kink should be people calling him mr. diaz and thinking hes eddies husband.
Wait for me there by @kitkatpancakestack Childhood friends reunite after 8 years. I just really really loved this one. Those flashbacks to the past are so beautiful.
wanna be your endgame by literalmetaphor gotta be honest dont see this happening in canon at all cause the second eddie confesses buck would go down on his knees lets be honest. BUT this was so great! I loved it.
Pivot Tables by rainbowninja167 Does it show that i love reading buddie being so freaky and so kinky. Ill just say this: educational sex. Buck brings on the clipboard. Obsessed with this one.
I Broke What You Gave Me, But You Kept Giving More by rcdwings. memory loss buck cant remember his husband. Listen im not always a fun of memory loss fics but i loved this one i loved the twist.
there's a word for it, I'm sure by @ithilien-writes i have to reread this one asap cause i loved it so so much they are just so in love with each other but cant admit it so they just start having sex about it. And god they love esch other.
i could give you fifty reasons by @marviless buck FLIRTS with eddie cause he just want ti help. God this one was so much fun. I remember laughing out loud. I gotta reread.
beating the horse by @doitbuckley Eddie is moving to Texas. Buck finally figures out what he wants. Perfect read to the end of 8a.
In the Back Seat, Windows Up by @semperama SEX IN THE BACKSIT OF THE TRUCK LETSFUCKINGGOOOOOO
Play Me For Keeps by @semperama this one made me feel so MANY things in less than 1k words I WAS WONDERSTRUCK HONESTLY SMILING FROM EAR TO EAR
would you lie with me and just forget the world by @colonoscopys reread this one recently GODDDDD if you havent just go read it right now!!! Childhood friends to lovers for the win always.
your beauty (not just a mask) by @aashiqeddiediaz these next two fics GOD well i have a thing for mirrors and sex in front of mirrors apparently so... this i top tier for me. This one is the shorter one in front of the bathroom mirror 100/10 no notes.
my mirror (staring back at me) by @aashiqeddiediaz this one is longer. Mirror in the bedroom......... Eddie notices bucks insecurities and well he does smth about it ❤️🔥 such a fave of mine. It has everything!!!
Dreaming of a White Christmas by rosebuddiekin . Oh boy!!!... just gonna leave the blurb here cause no words could ever be enough: "Buck accepts a challenge to be edged in his and Eddie's own version of the 12 Days of Christmas and loses his mind a little more with each one." (Btw if someone knows the author please lmk. They put a link to their tumblr on ao3 but it doesnt work for me.)
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i feel like a part of my soul has been ripped from my chest and i dont know why.
#is this a bad time to mention i dont even believe in souls?#i really dk why.#no this isnt abt jiro somehow apparently having a loving family#(ok like. at least 1/4 of it is BUT STILL. NOT THE POINT)#(part of me feels awkward abt it bc just. huh? youre telling me. this guy. that i basically am the irl version of. has a loving family???)#(/j and all but just. idk part of me feels awkward now? it just. a guy who blew himself up for most of the same ideals i have)#(gets to have the one thing i yearn so very hard for. everyday of my life. but can never have.)#(ill get over this in like. 2 hours. hopefully. most of thats just shock anyways.)#just. for the past some days. besides a couple things and people. hurt and love havent really. made me feel much of anything#like being cared for by actual ppl even online. yeah. it still does but#even my fantasies don’t entertain me anymore#oh god am i becoming lopt. save me fuck#UNLESS this means i get mason as my bf. then hell fucking yeah (kidding kidding kIDDINGG i dont wanna be lopt. please.)#but srsly. usually i can envoke some sorta reaction from myself if its brutal enough#but. nothing.#id assume that im over doing it usually. but i havent in a good while#maybe this is some what where my art/writers block is coming from#whatever this hell is.#time to go on a spiral of mildly depressing and somewhat cryptic posts (cryptic if i didnt info dump in the tags that is)#why is it so hard to confront issues when you dont even know what the issue is?#i just. wanna be able to make myself feel something.#not in a “i have no one but myself” way for once. just. i dont wanna have to rely on others for my emotions#i want to feel a pang of hurt. yet it feels so empty. i dont want to harm myself. i just want to feel it.#anyways ig.#ig im gonna just sleep#which tbh im growing to hate bc like. i feel all i do is sleep. i sleep to avoid how much my own body hurts. i sleep to ignore my issues#i sleep to ignore the fact i keep forgetting to respond to people even though ik i have to at some point. i sleep to avoid the dread of not#getting anything done. i sleep just because im bored.#and im tired of sleeping.#but. it feels worse awake. my body hurts. my mind hurts. it all just hurts.
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as this continues to be relevant yeah idk I just think this whole RiverClan nonsense conflict would have been less annoying for me to read if RiverClan had actually descended into true chaos. a situation like Redscar’s field guide story where several cats try to claim authority. but in this case, it goes beyond just two cats fighting and the clan starts splitting into mini factions supporting one self-appointed candidate or the other. the problem being presented as “we all forgot how to do chores without a teacher permission slip :(” is so weird and lame. give me blood shed eat each other alive so i believe your plight ffs!!!
#warrior cats#asc#yarrow speaks#a starless clan#warrior cats sky#warrior cats shadow#wc criticism#uh i dont think this is spoilers? its the same as last book#sorry i take back that old post saying i didnt want to read about RiverClan brushing off Mothwings authority in this situation#turns out they really SHOULD have so that this plot would make more sense#bc as it stands i cant comprhend why she was unable to just point at Literally Anyone and ask them to organize some patrols for the day.#thats not appointing a leader its Just Doing Chores. switch off who does it every day who cares but how is it this much of a problem#i cant engage with this conflict at all with how its presented#idk first they said some senior warriors were *quietly and passively* gesturing to Frostpaw that they would like to be leader#but then later they said that no senior warrior would step forward. which is it. i just cant stop thinking of all the many many times-#-rando warriors were given temporary patrol organizing duties. it happens all the time. i just.#you cant rly tell me not One Single Cat here can organize some chores for a month or two#bc if thats true and mothwing is unable to just point at any warrior ask them to pick some patrols for the day-#then that suggests the problem is not lacking a starclan chosen leader the problem is apparently every single cat in this clan-#-is too incompetent for the job. and being officially appointed isnt going to suddenly give them that skill if they cant do it now#hence why i wish there had been some bloody fighting over this#but sitting around staring at the wall and doing nothing is cool too ig
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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head in hands heand in hands
#paper is talking#Me when my dad is telling me how good and useful ai art is#How it would be so much easier for me to draw if i used it#That i can just skip the ‘meaningless’ stuff and get exactly my ideas made#Basically like the entire drawing process is meaningless and isnt important#Im not that good at speaking chinese but i said sometihng like ‘then i dont need to draw’ meaning like theres no point in me drawing at all#But i didnt really say the right words to get that meaning across so he said exactly!#Like.#head in hands right now guys#Theres no point in drawing anything if i use ai to make it#Like idk how to explain this in a way that he will understand in a way that isn’t ‘yeah! See now you dont have to work as hard and its so m#So much easier!’#Idk why but him suggesting whole heartedly that i use ai to draw just ruined my mood eniterely#WHATS THE POINT!!!#In drawing amber and sayu and all my ocs if im not drawing it!!#Whats the point in drawing anything ever agian#Drawing is so fun becuase i made that.#I made that with my own two hands#And its specifically mine. I made that#Like i took the time to figure out how to draw the eye to look just rihgt#i took the time to figure out which colors looked bettter and i took the time to look back at the references and study the characters cloth#s and realize with terror that they have 32847298374 details#I took the time to just not draw all those details#I tookt he time to make it and it is part of me#I dont care if its just amber standing there drawing 548 i made that!#He thinks that the amount of time and effort is a hassle and a problem that should be solved cause it ‘gets in the way of the#Creative process’#This is the creaive process!!!!#This is the point!!#Top ten reasons im balding
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another shit fucking day but in the most casual way possible bc all i did was sulk study cry study sulk and finally, sulk in the shower. chai next and then bed . fuck my stupid baka life forrealsies
#i almost had an argument w my mother over nothing at one point bc i was so anxious about nothing and everything at once and well#i keep thinking. idk what im doing anything for anymore#like when we were arguing i was like wait what if she brings up how shes giving me a ride to uni multiple times this week#and then i was like wait if she says that. I'll just tell her not to. and then ill skip class. and then ill drop my classes and get a refund#and then ill drop out of uni. and then ill kill myself!#mind you i was thinking about all of this and the argument didnt even go in that direction in the end bc it was over very quickly#ljke. what ks wrong with me#i keep thinking that if my parents get pissed at me for being good for nothing despite me trying my hardest not to be#i really will end it all finally like Actually#bc i dont understand anymore. why are they paying for my stupid medication and tuition#theyre too nice to me#i know they expect me to send them money in their ideal imagined scenario in which i get a good job after getting a masters degree#and i know they expect that I'll take care of them when theyre old bc in their ideal. imagined. scenario. i 1) dont off myself in the next#few years 2) am not a lesbian who ruins the whole family dynamic by coming out and 3) get a well paying job and a husband#so. so yeah#but right NOW theyre nice to me and they take care of me but also i think everything is pointless but i try anyway because they take care#of me and they want me to be well but how am i supposed to be Get Well if i don't believe in myself#like i dont think thats possible really.#maybe a tiny bit? like maybe i won't be Well but i can be better. yeah i can do that#so i guess thats why im still trying#but then it's like. being Better is so. marginally different from being at rock bottom in a way#like yeah its significant improvement clinically but to me it's still casually miserable in its own unique way bc it's better but its still#very much present lingering choking me etc#so that brings me to the following:#im trying so hard but for what exactly? 'just keep going!' but at what cost? but why when im still like this?#z.post
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...
#ay ay ay. now that the soul crushing project is done ive elected to spend the week managing data#which is decidedly more chill than what ive been doing for the last month but also isnt not doing anything and it isnt getting stuff done#for when i have to move. so thats annoying. and ive been drawing again at least but i can feel the escalation in my controlling behavior#so its now very frustrating trying to draw anything. coloring is gonna take a million years rip.#also suddenly everyone wants to b social rn? like tomorrow my boss is organizing a thing with an old lab mate and this weekend a#collaborator is having a retirement party. and next week my lab mates wanna do a trivia night. and i kno that i should go to these things.#and i will try but i really dont want to go to any of it. mostly for driving reasons but also im a husk of a person rn. but the more#devastating thing is that uh next week one of the kids i grew up with is getting married to a rich girl lol. and like we werent that close#bc i was and am such an asocial freak but after the wedding my parents r picking up their new camper and camping their way across the#country with my sisters. and im sure someone probably told me the dates of these things at some point but if u tell me dates i will#instantly forget them. so thats. ya kno. happening over basically the next 2 weeks while i have to kill myself over measurements for a#different study i dont care abt. and like. its fine. ill see them mid may for a different planned trip. it just makes me kinda sad#a product of living halfway across the country i guess. im just inherently more disconnected to everyone. i would suspect thsts semi#intentional subconsciously. u cant b upset abt not being able to connect with ppl if you create enough physical distance that u never see#them in the 1st place. u cant misunderstand me if i make myself absent and unknowable. idk. i was explaining to my mum that i didnt realize#the timeline and she was like. understandable whatever u wanna do! and idk y that upsets me so much. i guess its just that i dont want to b#doing this. its causing me pain but dont kno how to articulate it in a way that makes sense. whatever. my mouth hurts. my lips r so chapped#that the irritation is spread past my lip line. probably doesnt help thst i keep rubbing at it lol. anyway things r still annoying#less soul crushing thsn last week but still frustrating#unrelated
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this is genuinely... so funny to me. like the hilarity of copypasting rational tweets. i'm literally right. it's not even a funny copypasta because it's literally just. objectively correct. it's a criticism of twitter culture and that makes it funny to you because...... god forbid you actually have empathy for other people. caring is for losers if you're on twitter dot com, you have to be snarky and funny at all times.
#moots & friends keep sending me shit and im just like. lmfao this is embarrassing for YOU guys. i stand by everything ive said actually.#i'm sorry you think trying to have a genuine conversation about harmful behaviours is cringe#you consider yourself an activist and will retweet every fucking post abt current events#but you can't actually be bothered to make a positive change in your own life.........#the fact that most of them stop responding after they realize im not going to freak out and give them something emotional is very telling#it's not even like most of them disagree they literally just want to make fun of me for...... caring. like ok. weird hill to die on idk#im at the point where im considering privating my tweets just so i dont continue to get ppl responding but#i think its important that ppl can see my responses. because i stand by them and clearly other ppl do too#theres been a lot of mixed responses but a lot of people have actually ended up agreeing with me after some back and forth#which i appreciate. i didnt want to start fuckin. twitter drama. but like. ill take it#i dont interact with sunnyblr at all so i think this is a good opportunity to potentially change at least a few ppls perspectives#and if youre too far gone to the point where you think that someone caring about perpetuating homophobic rhetoric is funny#i. dont really want to interact with you anyway lol. get better soon xoxo#last post about this on here im. putting this to rest.#ada speaks#genuinely disgusting how many of these ppl will say shit like. ppl are dying. like... yeah. what are YOU doing to help.#retweeting a donation link or someones random carrd doesnt do shit actually. performative armchair activism.#same ppl tweeting vapid shit while acting like theyre above engaging with me on this#i was venting about people qrting glenns old tweets with stupid shit because it was clogging my tl actually lol
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well. i think our mom is actually definitely trying to kill us.
#like...............idk. doesnt seem like delusion at this point#hey guys judgement call. you tell your kid (disabled young adult who is dependent on you)#that you cant afford to pay $50 for their antidepressents. which have severe withdraw warnings and they are just#gonna have to quit cold turkey#and then you tell your other kid (disabled adult dependent) that you cant afford enough food for them to eat enough#and then you turn around and spend $200 buying a new dog when NO ONE is even gonna be at home to take care of it after the first week.#do you want your kids dead?#bc im really not sure what else that could be.#i hope the new dog breaks all their stuff and shits in their bed ngl.#i mean i dont. if for no other reason that itd negatively effect us too. but. yknow. i think they really deserve it at this point.#dad seemed like he also maybe kinda deep down thought it was a bad idea.#but ofc as always he feels he cannot speak out against his wife on any topic ever no matter how awful she is being.#so like. he still i think deserves it a little. but i understand he wasnt the one who wanted this#he just refused to do anything about it.
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Replaying p3 is such a frightening experience because it forces me to remember Ikutski is a real character that exists
#persona#the klock keeps ticking#like. idk what they put in this guy that makes him so forgettable to me but its like#i literally forget he exists every single time i boot up the game#and even when i remember beforehand that hes gonna be there so i need to anticipate him. i still get jumpscared when i see him#i dont think there are enough words in the world to emphasize how much i hate this guy#forget madarame forget teddie THIS GUY this fucking yassified ben franklin bitch? hes the worst persona character#he doesnt even do jack shit its literally all mitsuru like every time he shows up to help he ends up doing absolutely nothing#and mitsuru has to pick up the slack#also like when i complain about the original p3 voice acting im. mostly complaining about him#im sure his VA is very talented has probably voiced characters i know and love but god like#its so bad in this game he sounds so robotic and fuzzy its like theres big red arrows pointing at him#saying THIS GUY IS BORING AND IS JUST HERE TO EXPLAIN PLOT STUFF YOU DIDNT EVEN NEED HIM TO TELL YOU#also my hatred of Ikutski fuels my growing protectiveness towards mitsuru#cuz hes just so incompetent unreliable just creates more work for her but then acts like hes a trustworthy adult#and its so sad cuz all mitsuru needs is like. any positive mentor who can be responsible for her#and all she gets is this shit and while i think its funny how obviously evil Ikutski is its also like#dont blame mitsuru or really any of these characters for a second for not realizing it cuz like. its not like she has any frame of reference#for how a caring responsible adult behaves! and hes with the kirijo group which she has to trust cuz its all shes ever known#and she has to base her entire life around the group and never step out of line or question authority!#its a very interesting dynamic but also unfortunately Ikutski is not a very interesting character#oh boy do i try to make him interesting when i write him but god i just hate him so much lol#running him over with a bus i hate you stupid bitch get out of my head 👺👺👺
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my graphics teacher is like one of those high school teachers whos always like "this is so important youre gonna use this in college!" except hes like. "youre gonna use this when youre working as a graphic designer!" and today he was like "guys youre all gonna need this next semester when you're in the next level graphic design class!' Except this class is a basic level graphic computer applications class that every single visual arts student has to take regardless of specific major so like. personally i know I will most likely never have to open indesign again after this class is over. And also that i do not have to nor will i elect to take any other graphic design classes for the rest of my major. so i dont think thats true.
#it annoys me sooo much idk why. He bugs me in general bc hes super gruff and very high and mighty about his expectations like he will never#ever tell us something or mention it SO briefly and then act like its the end of the world later when we dont know it#i mean i guess this is another example of that like he'll always be like guys this is really bad that you dont know this bc youre gonna get#fired as a graphic designer if you dont.#which is like. okay why would i care it is literally not my goal to be a graphic designer and im not going to school#for it. like do you know what class youre even teaching. im pretty sure MOST of the people in here are not graphic design majors theres lik#4 other majors in the visual arts umbrella at my school that all require this class#like the point of this class is just to learn the basics of how adobe programs work. thats it.#anyway. basically i am ready for this semester to be over.
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FOUND A FULL PLAYLIST OF MY CURRENT HYPERFIXATION I CAN WATCH FOR FREE LETS GOOOOOOOO!!!!!
#thank you internet archive i owe you my LIFE#thought id never be able to finish it bc my friend and i were watching it together before she moved away#she has all the dvds bc shes the one that got me into it#but now!!! i can finish the series!!!!!#and we can watch it together over the phone :D#its V by the way is anyone surprised#its a bit out of order at the start but it has both miniseries‚ the original tv series‚ and the 2009 reboot#i dont particularly care about the reboot but the fact theyre all in the same place is very cool to me!!!#very excited I get to see my silly alien man and his dumbass human <3#very excited to cry over Martin and meet his brother Philip#and espescially Mike's reaction to finding out Martin has a twin brother 👀#Mike and Martin's relationship is my favorite thing so I'm very excited to see how he and Philip interact :)#hehe special interest/hyperfixation go brrrrrrrrr#(idk how to tell which is which at this point and i dont really care as long as it gives me happy chemicals)#v-posting
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new, without you. [ sae itoshi ]
cw: angst no comfort, established relationship/ break-up, gn! reader. notes: idk why i'm in such an angst writing stage. not proofread.
dating isn't permitted.
point blank. it was a a flat, outright rule that was printed on his contract. sae's hand tightened around his pen, brows pinched, and eyes narrowed. his signature was easy to write, so he wasn't hesitant to accidentally make it ugly, but he was afraid.
sae shivered at the truth that your tears would soon run down your soft cheeks. soon? he surprised himself with how quickly he accepted it. his heels dragged as he walked home. you would be there. his eyes softened as the familiar sound of your voice lingered in the shell of his ears,
"c'mon, sae! we should celebrate!"
his keys jingled as he hesitantly brought them to his door handle. there were two shoes at his apartment door, his and yours. sae's lips twitches as he started at your half-tied laces, always scolding you for never tying your shoes. his shoulders relaxed as he remembered going shoping with you for those shoes, because you worked your old ones until they had holes.
he remembered how he promised you would never even think about holes in your shoes again. or counting your bills. or rationing groceries. he didn't care whether you did or not. you were beautiful to him. a glowing sun that enlightened his world that was once only focued on his obsession. you filled his heart with something else, you were sae's first true love, no matter how much he loved football.
the cold air stung his eyes as the key turned in the lock, the door swinging open with a exhausted squeal. gasp. footsteps.
"sae! how did it—"
"let's break up."
the way your whole expression slowly lost it's brightness drew out a fear sae didn't think he would feel. regret. he wanted to shove his hands in his mouth and rip out his tongue for saying such disgusting words. his head spun as your bright, beautiful eyes—the same ones he would helplessly stare into—dimmed and turned away.
it was quiet, barely whispers as you pointed him to the dinner you made, grabbing your purse. each of your footsteps felt like being crushed under an elephant of guilt. your shaking breath felt like a merciless hand wringing his neck. sae felt like his heart stopped beating, his earth stopped spinning, his sun had exploded.
you shoes were now on your feet, half-tied as they always were. your head was hung low, toes tapping nervously as you forced out—sae could hear the lump in your throat and the tears in your eyes, which only made his hand twitch at his side as he wanted to pull you close and take everything back—your last bit of kindness,
"good luck in u-20, sae."
he paused, silent as your eyes finally met his. your eyes were watery and his were burning as they squinted to fight back his own tears. sae felt his stomach churning, desperately telling him that this wasn't right, a true, instinctual persuit against what he was doing. sae let his lips part, the words stumbling out of his mouth before he could think of they could do to you. to the both of you.
"i don't need your luck."
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈
directory
notes: mm... i dont really like this. pt.2
#drabble#angst#itoshi sae x reader#sae itoshi#sae x reader#sae x you#sae x y/n#blue lock#blue lock manga#angst fic#bllk x reader#bllk manga#itoshi sae#bllk x you#itoshi sae x you#itoshi sae x y/n#bllk#angst no comfort
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No One’s Sidekick
Jason Todd x teen!reader
warnings: needles and guns and death mentions ya know
a/n: ok i was gonna do headcanons for this but honestly it sparked a lot of inspiration so im actually writing a oneshot for it this is a ONE IN A MILLION CHANCE bc im very picky about when to write oneshots ily. might do hcs also just cuz arkham knight is my passion. (honestly i should have just done hcs idk if i like where i went with this LMAO)
prompt: anonymous: “hi idk if you write Arkham Jason Todd but if if you do is it possible if you can do a Arkham Jason Todd x fem teen reader and reader is his sidekick”
Imagine a life where you had nothing, you were the lowest anyone could go, and you were just a kid. Now imagine that there was someone standing in front of you, telling that same story, and offering you a chance to turn it all around because they knew how it felt to be you.
That someone was Jason Todd. You found each other by chance, somewhere in the Gotham slums. He walked past you down a dimly lit alley full of used needles and rotting trash, noticing a kid just a few years younger hiding from the world. You noticed a guy in a hoodie hiding a nasty scar on his cheek.
He reached out a hand, hoping you’d take it. He saw a look in your eyes that you’d been like this a while. And you might have noticed the same in his. Which is why after trusting nobody for years, you took this stranger’s hand. “I remember when I was a kid waiting in shitty places woth the hope someday it’d change. And it did one day. Someone found me and changed my life.” He explained after buying you a burger and fries.
“Was it for the better?” You asked him with a mouthful of food.
“I don’t know anymore.” He looked shaken himself, and you could tell by the bags under his eyes this may have been a subject that kept him up at night, maybe took up his waking moments, too. “How long have you been alone?”
“Practically forever. Every once in a while I felt like I was on steady ground and then…something always happens.” You sighed, taking a sip of your soda. “But I learned how to get by on my own. I had to. And I have to protect myself.” Jason raised a brow.
“You protect yourself yet you’re willing to go off with a stranger?” He asked, giving you a warm smile.
“Jason, right?” He nodded at the question. “Jason Todd?” His expression dropped. Before he could stammer out a response, you leaned back on your side of the booth and said, “everyone around here knows you one way or another, but everyone thought you were dead after you disappeared.”
“Did you know who I was when you came here with me?” Jason spoke lowly.
“Nope.” You flatly responded. “But I figured it out along the way. You used to live in my building when I was a kid, I knew I recognized you from somewhere.”
“3B?” He asked.
“That’s the one. You remember?” You smiled.
“I remember a scared little kid with dirt all over their face no matter what time of day.” You both chuckled. “Wow, it’s been a long time. I guess I’m glad we ran into each other.”
“It’s nice. I just don’t know where to go from here.” You took the last few bites from your meal, averting your eyes from his gaze, nervous for what was to come, but also hopeful. At this point, you didn’t care what you did or where you went, as long as you had some kind of purpose. Spending your youth in sleeping in wet boxes or crashing on a sunken-in, stained couch was no longer something you could stand doing.
“I had an idea. A while ago. But I just didn’t know how to go about it.” He revealed with a long pause, mustering up better details to share. “I dont know. It sounds crazy, but maybe not anymore.”
“Can you get to the point?” You tilted your head, eager for a bit more.
“Yeah, yeah…” He gulped. “I talked to this guy, it was after some really bad shit went down,” he brushed his scarred cheek, “this high-profile assassin wanted to train me—work with me. There are some demons I have to face, but I need some help to get ready.” You stared blankly for a minute, fingernail scratching the tabletop as you thought about his words. “It’s out of the country, somewhere in South America.”
“You’re crazy.” You stated. “I’m in.” Jason’s eyes widened. “Anything to get me out of Gotham. And you’re Jason Todd, I’d trust you with my life, even after all this time.” His expression softened and he kind of chuckled, in disbelief of you and himself.
“I—I guess I gotta go make a call.” Jason knocked his hand on the table. “Go ahead and order dessert, I’ll be back in a few.” He stepped out the front door and opened his phone, scrolling down to a contact labeled “S. Wilson.” It rang twice. “I’m in, and one more will be joining us.”
“I’ll make the arrangements for your travels, stay on the line.” Said Slade, there were faint keyboard clicks. “I have a private jet that awaits you at eight a.m. tomorrow. I will send you the address, don’t be late.” The phonecall ended abruptly and Jason went back to your table, finding you eating a slice of pie.
“Tomorrow morning we get to fly in a private jet.” Jason saw your face light up. “Never been?”
—————
Venezuela was incredible to you, even if it was a bit more humid than you were used to. On the plane ride, Jason told you everything. He didn’t spare one detail, he didn’t care. You were another Gotham City orphan with a dark past and a bright future. You two were ready for anything.
It was grueling. It was incredible. It was nothing you’d experienced before. Which was terrifying. But invigorating. You could tell Jason felt right back in his element, but you were desperately trying to catch up. He’d had much training before this, relevant to the current situation. You’re training went as far as standard Gotham Slums scuffling. Your skills included switchblade maneuvers, aiming for the crotch, running from trouble and climbing from trouble. Nothing like this ever seemed possible for you. But Jason knew what it felt like to be brought from your level to his. And as Deathstroke brought Jason to his level, he’d make sure you’d catch up.
—————
“I think you two are ready.” Slade announced as both of you stood before him. Straight backs, eyes forward, and arms behind your backs. “The plan is to be enacted soon, and you,” he turned his attention to Jason, “it’s up to you what we do from here. Gotham City finally meets its match?” He suggested. Jason nodded his head once and you followed. And so it began, the planning phase.
—————
You looked at Gotham from down below. Smaller than you remembered. The whirring of the helicopter blades lulled you away from reality for a few moments before Jason tapped you, motioning for you to come up front with him. You slid your headset on and heard him begin barking orders at the militia before setting your comms to private. “How’s it feel?” Jason asked you.
“I don’t know, actually.” You replied, doing a final check to make sure your guns were loaded and secured. “What about you?”
“It feels like I’m finally getting my revenge.” His voice modulator sent a chill down your spine and you soon landed in Gotham. The plan went off without a hitch. Gotham evacuated, scum running loose, Batman distracted, and his allies scattered. It was exciting, but something was off. Scarecrow’s plan didn’t sit well with you. It was gruesome, even to you. You never really cared about anyone but yourself, but as Jason lost his humanity, you gained it. “I’ve got your back, y/n. You got mine?”
“Always, Knight.” He chuckled as the chopper began to descend. “Let’s kill the Batman.”
taglist: @ravenmoore14 // @summersimmerus // @xoxobabydolls // @evilcr0ne // @thedarkqueenofavalon // @elenavampire21 // @deanzboyfriend //
#jason todd#jason todd x reader#jason todd imagine#arkham knight x reader#arkham knight imagine#arkham knight#batman arkham knight#dc comics#dc comics x reader#dc comics imagine#red hood#red hood x reader#red hood imagine
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saw a few posts talking about ganondorf and while i dont want to uh .. risk having to argue with strangers ... i cant shut up entirely (you know me)
(in my opinion that is probably missing alot or just not as well read as a lot of others since i really just say what i feel instead of knowing what im talking about-)
its kinda hard to really talk about him bc hes so .... steeped into tired old stereotypes and harmful tropes with intentionally so little else, if anything, that you almost always end up playing into them if you just take what canon tells you (and alot of people love defending it too :/ )
to what degree is it really his character and what is literally just some things that were decided he does to make it clear hes the one note evil guy, to justify whatever horror is done to him and overshadow/bury what anyone else has done, to not think about maybe he had a point bc look how much bad stuff he does! if you made him fight for the freedom/sovereignity of his own people against an oppressive hyrule he would be in the right- so ACTUALLY he opresses them violently and selfishly even WORSE and then wants to murder everyone tm that dont bow to him bc thats what evil people do! and hyrule is justified in taking them over in turn bc their rule wont opress them :)
its like a game of trying to one up whatever hyrule did with something more bad tm bc otherwise it gets hard to justify killing him over and over
im not saying hes not allowed to be prideful, selfish or violent of whatever, but you gotta know that all of that IS one of those ways that is supposed to make it clear how evil tm the desert guy is; it doesnt matter what hyrule has done bc look! ganondorf is so much worse! and im sure hyrule had their reasons :)
hes never actually allowed to interact with his own people, hes isolated/alienated from them and their culture constantly, hes their king yet he .... violently takes over "free" gerudo villages (what? what for?? what does "free" even mean? they werent following him? their king?? were they .. allied with hyrule, who are good tm, which means they were living in paradise aka "free"? (bc they are good ones tm bc they rejected their evil one in a hundred year man king ruling violently over only women .. *cough*)), yet hes never seen fighting alongside his own people (the most is them .. silently serving him in what, one scene??) and then he drops them the second he has evil MONSTERS to fight for him instead and orders them to kill every living thing or something bc thats obviously evil, he doesnt even care about his own people! how evil! why would he do that? idk, hes the sole, selfish violent evil man opressing his own people, who are all women! that what they do! and WE need to free them from HIM (and they should be thankful to us for it and try to attone for ever having birthed him in the first place) (or he is the reason tm why they suffered/were wiped out and he is literally the sole survivor of his people, bc he doesnt care about ANYONE but himself)
i dont mean he has to be a goody two shoes character (you can be an ass and still do good/be in the right btw) bc more often than not what that actually means is being allied with hyrule bc those are the designated good guys and being on their side makes you automatically good (eugh) but do you rly want to just ... play along with all the propaganda?
imo, aside from being obviously racist, thats also so boring? does selfish, violent evil man king with no people (bc hes not part of them or fighting for them, hes always presented as the worse oppressor) and nothing else to him that only wants to murder bc ... idk evil? sound interesting to you? (to the point that the ONLY time we were shown literally any sort of vunerabillity, end of ww, that theres people trying to argue he was trying to to manipulate you even there?? what for? why? are you trying to reject literally the one glimpse we are allowed into his perspective qoq)
why do alot of people reject the idea so much to consider he actually cared about them, how maybe that prideful and selfish look is just a facade, or even a fabrication? violence that had to be met with violence, not for any sort of selfish reasons, but for his people and was met with a fight he could not win yet kept fighting on, perhaps losing himself more and more in the process, or a lie told so often that it became reality, if someone has nothign left to lose, if all was taken from them, maybe even blamed on them, why not play into what you where made out to be, you cant convince them otherwise anyway its the reason hes never shown to have done a single nice thing, never seen non angry/smug smiling, how he has no one at his side unless he forced them, how he is not allowed to be human even a little bit, never shown being anything but a boring ass trope personified, hes less a character and more a big bundle of racist tropes that fights you at the end (sorry) while looking epic so trying to meaningfully analyze him just by what we are told and shown in canon will always fall kinda flat or end up playing righ into every shitty trope
that is my opinion :I
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondorf#ganondoodles rants#yeah it got longer again#im not that well versed with words but maybe i got my point across#i will never not ask why and question everything#i didnt want to get into all the specific tropes bc .. its so many#this part:#or a lie told so often that it became reality -if someone has nothign left to lose -if all was taken from them#maybe even blamed on them - why not play into what you where made out to be- you cant convince them otherwise anyway#that part is what my demise boils down to btw#also this isnt meant as a response to anyones post#but i saw quite a few gan themed ones floating around today so i had to open my mouth again#possibly a mistake ... will be ready to delete if necessary
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fave jayvik hc so far is that jayce knew how to make a rlly good leg brace from basically scraps bc he helped in designing and crafting viktor's own brace🫠👍🏻
^^ "scraps" is kinda mirroring them probably having to make mock ups and test runs while trying to perfect viktor's brace so there were a bunch of prototypes with random parts they had lying around trying to make it work ahaaaa
like obviously jayce is extremely talented and smart when it comes to engineering so he very easily coulda come up w the design and mechanics of it on the spot (meaning using what he had on hand, rather than actually coming up with it in a few hours bc,, well he was down there for at least a few weeks HAHA) but idk its nice to think about i guess lmfao
plus itd make a lil bit of sense, like why go somewhere else to get a leg brace when your perfectly capable and willing partner is right here lmfao.
also we only see viktor has the leg brace after working with jayce. and yeah u could chalk it up to his illness getting worse so he wouldntve needed it until now. and obviously im not trying to ignore the fact that viktor is extremely capable to make it himself and if he did maybe since hes more than an assistant he actually has the tools and means to make it himself now lol.
but idk it seems like jayce was one of the first if not only person to care about V and include him in things ("people didnt believe in me, a poor disabled kid from the undercity" "i dont want to spend my whole life as an assistant" "our hextech dream" "arent you the professor's assistant" "you should be up there with me" etc) so i can totally picture him see viktor working on it or even a glance at a few crude sketches as a start and want to help his partner yk?
and from what we see hes like extremely nice and caring and at the risk of this sounding too fluffy bc thats not the point rn you can picture viktor walking around the lab, jayce noticing him wincing whenever he tries to correct his position and offering to help him with a mobility aid and they have all the means necessary to build it right here right now and shit happens and here we are now lol
hes constantly making an effort to show and tell people that hextech is not JUST his doing, but viktor's too. which, as someone who seemed to revel in the attention, jayce easily could've forgotten to mention, but never does
so in my head it makes sense that he would be the first person to propose the idea of helping him in creating a leg brace that would make walking a lil less painful (it keeps his foot straight, u can see he has to correct the angle himself in s1 act1)
anyway i think its a neat theory lmao
these didnt fit in anywhere else so im put it it here pft👇🏻
also jayce has two different braces- during and post anomaly. so while there may just be some place in piltover that makes them i’d like to think he just whipped it up all quicklike in his lab the second he got back bc like.. the blueprints are right there lol
his and viktor’s arent entirely similar ofc bc they serve two different functions,, viktors helps to keep his leg/foot facing and moving foward, and jayces kinda just stabilizes/supports his leg i think ? uh but they both help in general to reduce pain
n then viktor, having a leg that didnt develop akin to typical human anatomy, is clearly shown as not the easiest to walk or put pressure in on lmao, especially when he only really got to correct it at like age 30, so like, habits (for lack of a better term) have already been deeply rooted in his posture by now lol
bc, well,, putting any weight on that fucked up Broken In Half shin bone that Definitely Did Not heal correctly (if its even fully healed at this point in the first place) probably causes a bunch of Ouch- hence the supports in the front of his leg,, post anomaly tho, during anomaly its at the sides which was probably just to straighten the injury while it was healing idk.
i cant find a good answer as to why the lower leg support is in the front now but my main guess is so it doesnt put too much strain when he bends his knee/ankle downward, which u can kinda see in ep8 when he blasts viktor and the knockback breaks the part resting on his shoe away, and its hard to see but i think his ankle bends slightly more after the gear breaks ? so thats what i can assume.
clearly im not well versed in the art of KAFO support braces and i tried to look up to the best of my abilities but came up empty handed HAHA who knew itd be so hard referencing similarities between the homemade parallel reality fictional sci fi gear braces and modern irl real orthotic braces LMAO
#this isnt my own hc btw ive seen others float the idea around already lol#rest of the post was me moreso justifying to /myself/ why itd make sense HAHA sorry to go off like that LMAO#jayvik#arcane#jayce talis#viktor#viktor arcane#jayce arcane
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