#(idk I feel bad too about not really being able to contribute anything to my favorite fandom)

[horrorshow]

Can you talk about why you think blocking and moving on is a bad thing? I thought it was a way to curate your space and avoid drama

idk maybe i'm too idealistic but fandom is a much more friendlier, welcoming, supportive, creative, engaging, active, diverse and interesting space when it's treated like a community where people are encouraged to participate and talk about their interests and where there's space for niche or more unpopular opinions without these people having to worry about being blocked and feel unwelcome by the majority of the fandom they are in. i can't stand how blocking everyone you disagree with has become the first thing to do.

you say its 'to curate your experience'. but blocking people does not only curate YOUR experience. you're also forcefully curating other users' experiences. and not for the better.

people say 'i will block you for literally anything' and then those same people wonder why engagement is down, why no one sends asks, why no one reblogs, why rarely anyone talks in the tags anymore and why this place feels so dead and boring and quiet. i wonder why!!!!

people treat real people as annoying ads they can dispose of at their whim. but that's not how a fandom or a site like tumblr works. (besides, if you really care about people curating their own experience you wouldn't block people. you can filter and blacklist and never see them again while still granting them the same freedom instead of actively making their experience worse.)

you say its to avoid drama. but seeing a post you dont agree with is not 'drama'. and blocking is not solving anything except for you personally. fandom was more fun when we remembered that every user is a real person you share a space with, and probably some mutuals as well, so you find a way to live with each other. starting with a restraining order seems a bit excessive and is not contributing to anything. it's not that hard to be respectful and tolerate others and acknowledge people have different opinions and interests and still co-exist in peace. its not that hard to be nice to people and try to find common ground with them and interact with the stuff you DO like. you do this in every aspect of your real life, so why not online?

i hear you say: 'but that requires WORK and i don't NEED to do any of that bc i can just block them'.

yeah, you can try to create your own bubble and only hang out with like minded people but you wont EVER fully achieve that (no matter how much you block, social media WILL keep feeding you posts you disagree with bc it makes them money). social media WILL pressure you into an 'us vs. them' mentality where you constantly feel like everything online is a threat or an argument you have to win and where being mean and unnuanced gives you the most notes and where you don't even see, let alone be able to treat, other users as people anymore bc you don't interact with them anymore other than to block or fight them. that's not how i want it to be online. it's not fun to me. and maybe i'm a pessimist but i think it will eventually be the death of online fandom and sites like tumblr. look at the state of twitter right now. DOES blocking give you a better experience in the long run? i doubt that it does. overall, i think it makes people even less tolerable and more vulnerable to hate and fear mongering, and social media an even more hostile place.

it's everything i hate about social media and everything i want to fight against and WILL fight against. i won't pretend my meager contribution will change anything, but i LIKE to just scroll past posts i don't vibe with and not see every argument online as a personal offense. it keeps me curious. most posts aren't that bad when you know the person behind it. i mean, you do you, i'm not gonna say what you should or shouldn't do bc that's up to you, but i recommend it: free yourself of the block button and bring back supportive user communities based on a shared love for the same thing and focus on what you have in common with people, just like you would do in real life. save the block button for the rotten apples who DO keep trying to pick fights and exclude others.

(which is, now that i think about it, probably the main difference: most people see the block button as a neutral way to prevent worse. but. that's only the case on an individual level. and treating everything online as an individual choice to which there are no further consequences, especially if they happen on a larger scale, is already a loss.)

[theerurishipper]

Anyway, I had a discussion a while back about how Adrien wasn't abused before Emilie's death and I gotta say I disagree, but I'm feeling too lazy to write a whole post about it so here are some bullet points.

Adrien has no friends except for Chloe. I wonder why the boy who is so desperate for emotional connections and friendships would not want to or try to make friends for 13 years except for one girl who is conveniently the daughter of the mayor of Paris unless his parents didn't let him.

Gabriel canonically only gave Adrien a stupid pen for three years (i.e. during the time Emilie was alive) and doesn't that paint a picture of a loving and attentive father. Adrien has also never had a birthday party before.

Adrien's lack of awareness of social cues doesn't make it seem like he is someone who was allowed to socialize like children normally are, and speaks to a lifelong isolation as opposed to it just starting after Emilie died.

Adrien doesn't act like someone who is used to unconditional love and had it stripped away from him. Never does he express confusion over his father's sudden turn from being loving to coldness, not once does he indicate that his father used to act way differently. And yes, Emilie being nice and loving is something that can coexist with her being a bad parent who at best simply allowed Gabriel to isolate Adrien from the world and at worst actively contributed. Adrien only ever mentions that she was nice, not that she ever disagreed with his father on how to raise him.

Please do correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think a child who is used to being assured of his own worth and loved so unconditionally for 13 years would so completely internalize the contradictory idea that he has to earn love by being whatever the other person wants him to be in the span of less than a year without any trouble and with no doubts or confusion at all as to why everything is so different from before. The practiced way he wears his masks around others without once suggesting that it was different before at some point indicates that this has been the norm for him. And not once does he seem to expect anything different from anyone as opposed to just Gabriel. You would expect that someone who is used to being unconditionally loved would just expect that and view his father as an exception to the rule, but that's not the case.

To continue from the previous point, Adrien doesn't react to being shown unconditional love like someone who has experienced the feeling before would. Not once does he bemoan the loss of his supposed better treatment prior to Emilie's death. He acts genuinely surprised and shocked when Gabriel is nice to him, like he's never experienced it before. The way he clings to Ladybug's unconditional support like it's the best thing he's ever had doesn't speak of someone who was raised with unconditional love in abundance. He genuinely does not know how to not put up a front all the time in front of everyone because he believes that is what everyone expects of him, which is something that he probably shouldn't think if he spent 13 years of his life being loved and supported unconditionally and being able to be himself.

As evidence for this being a lifelong thing and not just something that started after Emilie died, consider the fact that Adrien's childhood dream is to be whatever his parents wanted him to be. Idk about y'all but the fact that this child had no dreams and desires of his own except to be his parents' little doll says a lot about how he was raised, and only proves that he's never really seen himself as someone who gets to have his own desires outside of pleasing his parents and having to earn their love even as a child, proving my point that this isn't something that started less than a year ago.

No, but Wishmaker really did shit all over the "Adrien's life only became bad after Emilie's death" argument huh. I sincerely question why anyone thinks that Emilie wasn't abusive after watching that episode.

And idk, the fact that he was constantly mind-controlled by his parents his whole life should be enough to understand that they are abusive pieces of shit.

My impression is that it got worse after Emilie died but was pretty bad before already (I mean, I thought it couldn't get much worse than mind-control, but Gabriel the asshat managed to make it happen). But honestly, the show has such an inconsistent tone with their portrayal of Emilie. They seem to want her to be seen as a good and loving and perfect mother, but then there are so many unfortunate implications regarding her treatment of Adrien that they just... do not acknowledge.

[blue-unifox]

For the character ask thing, I'm gonna drop two on you, if that's okay! #1, Hedwyn from Pyre!

Thanks to tumblr for yeeting my post into oblivion so i have to redo this again 👍

First impression

I mean his first impression is among the best, he is kind and caring from get-go, he is a ray of sunshine, best boy in the downside etc etc. Though i think I've had too many expectations?? And my friend hyping him up just contributed to that lmao.

Impression now

I like him a lot! Just not enough for him to live rent-free in my head... The boy's a little basic idk lmao. I mean, objectively, he is the best, he's so kind, driven, gives good advice, has a little bit of that dark past too... Maybe he is too perfect to me to be studied under a microscope lmao. Though I've been re-evaluating characters, so maybe my opinion will change...

Favorite moment

Oh man there are many good ones (I don't think i can choose unimplemented scenes can I? that one moment where Hedwyn talks abt reading with the Reader is so cute)... I think my fave is when he asks the Reader how their journey's been so far. And every answer is great! If you say it's been rough, he gets so sad 🥺🥺🥺🥺Like, he's so sad his efforts to make your travels as comfortable as possible weren't enough... Then he gives a valuable life lesson! It's ok to not be able to fix everyone's problems, you gotta care about yourself too. I feel like this can be applied in a lot of situations in real life as well.

Idea for a story

Wellll... I don't have anything concrete... just some stray ideas is all. Like, maybe his life in the downside after he remained, maybe raising children, becoming a demon... dilf cough cough

Unpopular opinion

Idk, i feel like his relationship with Fikani in canon is so... empty?? Like, it can be developed, but as is it's just kinda sad tbh (maybe im just a skeptic but meeting your soulmate like that??? also it's implied it was a sex thing too so like double yikes for me lmao though maybe i judge too harshly idk...). So i prefer fan versions 🙃

Favorite relationship

Uhhh would it be bad if I double the Jodi mom here as well? 👉👈

I just think it can be very interesting, from his childhood up to now and in the future. I think having a mother like Jodi wasn't easy, and yet it's still a familial bond, they still care about each other despite the turbulent parts. I also like that fanfic where he met her for the first time hehe...

Favorite headcanon

That's a hard one... I don't really have a lot of headcanons about him, nor have I seen many as is... Does him being kinda messed up as a child counts (aka very sad)??? Feels like you can extrapolate that from canon tbh...

[vlion]

hi! there is a SEVERE lack of kim wexler fics and i’m starving. i’d love if you could write anything for kim x female reader, fluff with a bit of resolved angst, maybe an argument turned into a confession? thank you so much in advance!!!

Verdict of Love (Kim Wexler/Female Reader)

Author’s Note: I am actually so freaking sorry this took forever for me to get out, but man does it feel great to write another sapphic work :) My fics in the past have always been for the girls (iykyk), but being able to write something like this was just super affirming and idk basically just thank you for this request and I hope you enjoy! I gotta say season 6 coming to Netflix has reminded me how much I love this woman and I truly hope to see/write more blurbs/fics with her in the future! 

Link to AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47066857

Content Warnings/General Themes: Reader is technically gender neutral but written with cis-AFAB! reader in mind, language, implied sexual content, lawyer jokes, angst-turned-fluff

Word Count: 1,912

You audibly sighed in frustration. Why did she have to be like this?

You’d known Kim for a while now; meeting by chance on a whim when you’d needed a lawyer to sort out some legal stuff that you didn’t even want to attempt to approach alone. A friend had referred you to Kim, and she was nice enough to extend her services to you. After chatting with her for a bit and setting up a meeting time that was mutually accessible for the both of you, you had hung up your phone and gotten ready for a night out to distract you from the fact that you would likely have to deal with an upcoming court case.

What you hadn’t expected, however, was to see your future lawyer-to-be nursing a half-empty beer with a concerned look overtaking her otherwise composed features. At that moment, seeing her in this context, you had made a decision: you were going to make Kim Wexler fall in love with you. What you didn’t know at the time, however, was that she had made the same decision, but from the moment she had heard your voice over the phone.

~

Now, weeks later, you found yourself standing in Kim’s kitchen, anxiously awaiting her arrival home. You had become her unofficial roommate of sorts, often crashing on her couch after long and tiring meetings about your case, and developing a close bond with her in the meantime. You had your own place, sure, if you could call it that–you barely had room for a mini-fridge and microwave, let alone your pull-out couch. After ranting to her during one of your regular meetings, Kim had offered up her full kitchen and washing machine for your use any time you needed them, and you found yourself taking her up on her offer frequently. Maybe a little too frequently–let’s just say you were surprised she hadn’t kicked you out yet, or asked you to contribute to the rent.

You questioned if that would change tonight as you rearranged the display you had set up for Kim’s return home. It wasn’t much–just some flowers and chocolate, but it served as a last attempt at an “I’m sorry” if she didn’t take the news you had to share with her well. You had texted her an hour ago with a simple: “We need to talk. Your apartment, after work.” and even though she was a few years older and less tech-savvy than you, the fact that she had left you on read really wasn’t helping how you felt about the whole situation.

Just as you went to check your phone for any updates, you heard a key in the lock at the door in front of you. Luckily, before you began with your spiel, you were able to position yourself in such a way that your arrangement on the kitchen island was obscured by your body. You carefully got into place and followed Kim’s movements as she entered the apartment.

“Hey,” she said, flashing her trademark smile that always seemed to mask whatever mood she was actually in. You had grown accustomed to her ability to do this–both professionally, when she would deliver bad news about your case, and personally, when she would come home after a rough day. In each situation, she would finish whatever she had to say and look at you expectantly, softening her features to take the weight off of her statement. It was incredibly inconvenient. And right now, it was also incredibly cute.

“Hey,” you responded, adding, “I assume you saw my text?” Shit. Did that come across too harsh? Did she think you were…mad at her?

She placed her files and briefcase on the coffee table, before turning to face you, still neutral in her demeanor. Nodding slightly, she prompted you to begin the discussion. “Yeah, what’s up?”

You inhaled sharply through your nose, closing your eyes to gather yourself before you began. “So uh…about my case…” 

“Yeah?” Her attention was piqued at the mention of the intersection between her professional career and personal relationship with you. It was ironic that the very thing that had brought the two of you together now had the potential to tear it all apart.

“Don’t hate me,” you began, “but I may have made the decision to settle.” You nearly cringed as you said the statement out loud, dreading her response as you saw her features become contorted.

“What?!” She gritted out, genuine concern finding its way into her response. Regardless of your relationship with her, she was still your legal counsel, who had been responsible for sorting out the fine details of your case.

Whether it was for the sake of justifying yourself or for the hope that what you might say would remove the concern from her face, you continued. “I just…I didn’t feel like it was worth it to draw this out any longer. I knew you wouldn't be too thrilled about it, but I hate seeing you put in long hours on this thing just for nothing to come out of it. I went down to the courthouse the other day when you were consulting with a client and had it all sorted out.”

Kim sighed, crossing her arms to display her distress about the situation. “Y/N…”

“I’m so sorry Kim. I totally understand if you’re upset and want me to go.” You felt tears pricking your eyes, panic setting in at her disdain. “I know this meant a lot to you, and–”

“Hey,” she said, reaching out to steady you. You felt her hands encase your wrists that were slightly shaking as you shared this information with her. “Look at me.”

Kim's concern over the situation was evident on her face, but before you could continue with your explanation, she gently squeezed your hands to steady you. Feeling her hands encase and smooth down your arms, you couldn't help but look into her eyes, and as soon as you did, you felt your worries melt away. Her eyes seemed to convey a sense of understanding and compassion that you hadn't seen before, and you realized that you had been too quick to jump to conclusions about how she would react.

"I don't hate you," Kim said, her voice softening. "I could never hate you. But why didn't you tell me sooner?"

You took a deep breath before answering. "Because I didn't want to disappoint you. I knew how much you were putting into this case, and I didn't want you to think that I didn't appreciate it."

Kim let out a small chuckle at that, shaking her head slightly. "You don't have to worry about disappointing me, Y/N. You could never do that. And as for the case, I appreciate your concern, but you didn't have to settle just to spare me a few long hours."

You felt a wave of relief wash over you at her words, and you couldn't help but smile. "I know that now–I just hated seeing you beat yourself up over something I was responsible for.” 

You took a moment to question if you should proceed with what you wanted to say next, but ultimately decided to put it all on the table now. “There's something else that I want to say."

Kim raised an eyebrow, looking at you curiously. "What's that?"

Taking a deep breath, you decided to take the plunge, moving aside so she could see the display behind you. "I…” You gathered yourself to get this part out as clear as possible, reassured in how she reacted to your legal matter. “I really like you Kim. Like…” you gestured to the flowers and chocolates behind you, gesturing to it like a prize presented to participants on a gameshow, “really like you. I’ve felt this way for a while now, but I didn't know how to tell you. And when I thought about settling the case, and how much you’ve been doing for me…I realized that I couldn't keep my feelings hidden any longer. I totally understand if you aren't, you know, or are uncomf-"

"Y/N, I…" Kim's eyes widened in surprise as she cut you off, and for a moment, she didn't say anything. But then a slow, sultry smile spread across her face, and she took one of your hands in one of her own. "I feel the same way. I've been trying to find the right way to tell you, but I didn't want to ruin what we already had. But now that I know how you feel, I..."

You felt your heart swell at her words, and without thinking, you leaned in to kiss her. The kiss was soft and tentative at first, but as you deepened it, you felt a sense of euphoria wash over you. The woman you had looked up to, practically lived with, and, hell, revered for what felt like years has reciprocated your feelings. And–not to mention–she kisses like a fucking goddess.

You pulled back to gaze into Kim’s eyes, no longer seeking approval but rather affection from the woman you love. Without a subtle nod of her head in the general direction, you sank down onto the couch, Kim moving next to you. She reached an arm behind your shoulder, pulling you into her as she fumbled for the remote.

In the quiet of the living room, you and Kim let yourselves relax, letting go of all the tension and anxiety you each had been carrying around. For the first time in a long time, you felt truly at peace, as if you were exactly where you were meant to be. You relaxed into Kim’s embrace, realizing the impact a simple statement could have on your state of being. All you had done was tell Kim how you felt–now you were snuggled up against her, tranquility enjoying your evening.

"I never realized how much I needed you until now," you whispered, just as Kim settled on one of her beloved classic movies. “And…your couch.”

Kim snickered and looked down at you, brushing your hair from where it lay wild from the evening’s events. "I've always been here for you," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I know," you said, "But I've been so scared to admit how I feel. I didn't want to risk losing you."

Kim moved to cup your face in her hands and leaned in for another kiss, hesitating above your lips. "You could never ruin what we have," she said. "I love you too much for that.” She noticed your floral display in her peripheral, before continuing. “And you got me gifts, so that’s a bonus.” She said, cheekily. 

“Anything for you, Miss Kim Wexler, Esq.” You joked, halting yourself from moving upwards and connecting your lips, as you realized. “Hey, now I don’t have to crash on your couch anymore!” Kim smirked, shaking her head at your statement. “I really don’t think my double bed will be much of an upgrade…” You leaned upwards quickly, pecking her nose. “As long as you’re there, I don’t care if I’m sleeping on the damn floor, honey.”She chuckled at that. “Yeah, you can tell yourself that all you want. Just wait till you find out how hot it can get in there.”

You glanced between her form above you and her bedroom. “Wanna find out right now?”

[lahooozaherr]

I’m posting this here because I want to gather my thoughts on it somewhere but….

I do empathize with those who are pressuring celebs to say more. To an extent. There are celebs higher up on the “food chain” that would probably receive less consequences than others for speaking out (or not idk I could be wrong, it’s just my observation). But it’s obvious now that most of the time they’ve been receiving some kind of consequence and they’re not entirely immune to it.

I mainly empathize because when speaking out about this lately I’ve felt almost alone, like I’m screaming into a void. I know I’m not REALLY alone in it, especially on company I keep on social media. Also, with the way the media has been, suppression of Pro-Palestinian sentiment (suspecting this is happening on my insta), etc.

HOWEVER….

As I’ve seen similar opinions on here, I agree that we can’t rely on famous people to save us and do the work. Would having their voice help? Sure, but when they actually know what they’re talking about and not contributing to the cesspool of misinformation.

But that isn’t a reason to become complacent and not do our own work. Celebrities have always disappointed us and will continue to.

In regard to Pedro, we don’t know and we may never really know what his situation is. I don’t personally feel like it’s our business, like I do with all things in his personal life! As much as I love him, and even I hope someday we get to hear his voice on things again, he’s not going to save us. I’m not going to ride hard on celebs having exceptions, but they’re human as well and just as fallible. Although, I did want to point out that:

Pedro and his family were political refugees. I’d like to think (I’m not assuming or asserting either) that he has an idea of what he’s doing. We can’t act like he hasn’t been in these shoes somewhat before, or at least seen it through his parents.

He now has several siblings in spotlights and gaining notoriety aside from him. I’m sure he considers their safety just as much as any of us would with our own families.

He might also be very popular on the internet and wanted for all kinds of projects, but he doesn’t have the influence some prominent figures do. I’ve seen this factor pointed out in several posts as well. Pedro is definitely someone that isn’t immune to the backlash he could receive.

I understand with all of this, everything going on, is extremely difficult to witness and try to reconcile with on the inside. I know I’m probably just repeating what many have already said and fumbling over myself a little. I don’t (or at least no longer) subscribe to a lot of celeb culture and have learned to no longer look to them for things like this. It doesn’t make it any less frustrating when they don’t use their voices. But I just don’t think it’s that black and white. Although I usually err to not feel bad for rich people.

SO! With that being said, I’m feeling the pain as well. It’s been very difficult for me to learn how to mourn and feel like I’m not losing my mind over Gaza and how too many people are not treating it as serious as it is. Or don’t see how connected we all really are (nor do I ever assert that my pain could even compare to Palestinians and those with more proximity to the situation).

But we’re privileged with free speech ourselves (I say that with a shakey hand gesture in some cases). It’s our duty to use it for those who can’t and, if anything, especially when celebs or figures with more of a platform can’t or won’t.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to properly describe the pain I know a lot of us feel over this. I understand how easy it is to react rather than respond, become angry (a lot of the anger in general is valid), to get wrapped up in the online politics over whose saying or not saying what.

But the best thing we can do about it is to do that work ourselves.

I’m lowkey nervously posting this because I don’t typically write up posts like this on here but I’m trying to move past that discomfort. I know it’s just another layer of white supremacy to not say or do anything for fear of not getting it right the first time. I’m sure there’s many good points against what I’ve said and I do my best to continue to be an “always evolving and learning” kind of person.

But just to bring it back to what I’m saying: we have free speech and can use it, and we should. Our words have power even when we don’t feel like they do. Maybe sometimes I empathize to my detriment (working on that lol) but I digress.

We can’t rely on celebs to do it all for us. ACTUALLY, we need that energy focused on our elected officials. Because if anything, this is an even BIGGER mask off moment for them. That’s a whole other problem I won’t get into on here, but still.

If you read this and write me off as just trying to justify silence for my fave celeb, then you’re allowed to have that opinion. If I’m ever proven wrong I have no problem owning up to that. I’m just not waiting around for them to say something before I do.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw: derealization/dissociation, suicide

mostly venting, but also looking for advice

the past few months have been really hard for me. i realized my favorite person was abusive and toxic and lost him and all but one of our friends, then got very suddenly got into a relationship with my remaining friend. while i was in that relationship for two months, my mental health kind of crashed really horribly and i had a lot of episodes of derealization and suicidal thoughts. i guess that was too much for my partner to handle though, because we broke up and she called me toxic for only reaching out to her when i was in crisis. which, idk what to think about that really, because i kinda get where she was coming from but she was also the only person i had.

and now i have no one but my brother, but its different with him because we dont really get vulnerable around each other and im older than him so i feel like i cant break down around him.

ive felt so incredibly lonely. i have no friends and im haunted by the feeling that its all my fault. that i ruined it and lost all my friends because im selfish. i feel so guilty.

along with that, ive been not really feeling like myself and hating who i am. i want to be a different person. i want to start over. i want to start over so badly and not even to just fix what i fucked up i just want to have a completely different life.

and i know its really bad and fucked up but i wish there was more wrong with me. i wish something bad would happen to me. i want a reason to give up and scream and sob. sometimes i even wish my dissociation was worse so at least i could escape or live in my own head or wherever the fuck just so i dont have to live my stupid life.

and i know its even worse but i think most of all i want something wrong with me so people will help me and give me the attention i want. and i know im selfish but i just want someone to be able to take care of me. i dont want to work anymore im already so tired. i just want to do nothing all day i want to lay down i want to sleep.

Hi anon,

I'm really sorry to hear about the difficult time you've been going through. It sounds like you've experienced multiple losses and have been struggling with your mental health, feelings of loneliness, and a desire for a fresh start.

It's understandable that you feel lonely after losing your favorite person and friends. It's important to remember that relationships can be complicated, and sometimes people may not have the capacity to support us in the way we need. It's not necessarily your fault that these relationships didn't work out, and it doesn't make you a bad person. Loneliness can be incredibly challenging, but there are steps you can take to help build new connections and find support.

When it comes to wanting to be a different person or have a different life, it's natural to feel that way during difficult times. However, it's important to remember that personal growth and change can happen without completely starting over. Exploring new interests, setting small achievable goals, and focusing on self-care can all contribute to a sense of renewal and positive change.

It's also important to address the thoughts you mentioned about wishing something bad would happen to you or wanting attention from others. These thoughts can be a sign that you're in need of some additional support and care. If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist can help you explore your emotions, process your experiences, and develop healthy coping strategies.

Please know that you're not alone, and there are people who care about your well-being. While it may feel tough right now, with time, support, and self-care, it's possible to find healing, create meaningful connections, and discover new possibilities in life. Remember to take things one step at a time and be gentle with yourself.

I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[superfluouskeys]

foot update/mental health stuff

so yesterday I went to what I call the overpriced grocery store which honestly is probably a normal priced grocery store these days but I do not wish to believe it, but anyway it’s the only grocery store I can reasonably walk to (and they have a few select items that are either reasonably priced or i will simply buy anyway bc too much of a hassle to get elsewhere) but bc there’s a lot of construction in that area the least insane way to get there is up about three flights of stairs LOL.  and while going upstairs is now more or less okay for me, going DOWNstairs is not, so I wasn’t sure if this adventure would be a good idea but……….i really needed some things LOL.

the grocery trip went really well – I put an ace bandage on my foot just in case and very much shuffled down the stairs leaning on the handrail but it didn’t hurt or anything I was just being extra cautious.  so when I got home I was like, wellllllllll, my foot is already wrapped and I feel good…………dance time???  and of course I was having so much fun even having to be extremely careful that I worked through several dances I thought I could probably handle, I puttered around and did some light cleaning, I paced my apartment a fair amount because idk I was jazzed by the prospect of physical activity LOL

and looking at my fitbit stats I guess I actually did a lot yesterday!  but I felt so good I wasn’t even thinking about it, so today my body is EXHAUSTED and all my stats are bad LOL!  but goddddddd it feels so good to be able to be physically active again, like I KNEW it was gonna be really bad when I hurt my foot, like that was the FIRST thing I thought and what got me so upset was just, this is the only thing keeping me sane, I am going to be so crazy if I can’t use exercise as a stress reliever – and I’ve been thinking a lot that I’m honestly pretty proud of myself for handling the situation as well as I have and not just completely crumbling lol, but even KNOWING that not exercising is a one-way ticket to crazytown I still had this moment yesterday where I was like oh wow I feel normal and not depressed suddenly!!! huh! wonder what could have caused this!

and granted forcing myself to take a few days off + engage in my hobbies was also a contributing factor but like…..I mostly spent Friday catching up on admin tasks and I was absolutely crazy about my class at like 1 am on Saturday morning, and usually just resting to calm down kind of takes a few days to take effect lol like I was pretty sure the extra days off were more of a band-aid to keep me from snapping than an actual solution. 

and idk I think there was some value in having to just……..sit with myself while I was upset.  like I cannot stress how often over the last few weeks I was just sitting in my chair with my foot elevated on another chair, violently sobbing, because I couldn’t even go for a walk LOL.  It was kind of wild to realize that even when I was absolutely spiraling there was still a very sound voice of reason that was just like calmly countering every crazy thought I had even when I couldn’t really feel the truth of it, and I think that’s a real testament to how far I’ve come. and it's also like......it kind of forced me to face what was and wasn't working for me instead of just using intense exercise to cope with it.  BUT I was also like passively suicidal the whole time LOL so it’s definitely better to have the option of physical activity that has maybe a 0.00001 percent failure rate for making me feel better instantly.

I still have to be very careful, and I really think the spectre of having to go back to the foot elevation chair of sorrows will keep me on my best behavior, but WOW this is really going to help me get through the rest of this term with my sense of self intact LOL!

[yep-yep]

I feel insane for remembering these conversations that don’t mean anything because I’m sure she forgot them within 24 hours and here I am 6 months later and I still do.

Are you sure you want me to move in it’ll put a lot of extra stress on our relationship.

If it’s too much I can move out and it won’t change our relationship?

And we’ll make it work no matter what?and if we can’t we’ll find a therapist.

You’re not one of those people who get tired of princess treatment and lowkey like to be treated like crap

Is it ok that I do photography,shoot, do urban exploring,have friends over, go out with friends on occasion,host parties, and I’d like to get a dog.

You said yes but not a single thing was okay and you acted like I was crazy and constantly rubbed it in and were a hypocrite about.

Are you sure you’re ready to settle down you’re really young?

*watching lalaland* Is that going to be us?

I’m looking for something serious and mature are you?

I’ll stick around when your depression gets bad

If I ever cheat on you you should leak my nudes

I’m okay with doing all the work and taking all the risk for both of us as long as you’re appreciative and stay loyal.

I don’t need a 50/50 relationship just 90/10. Which I personally feel isn’t a ton to ask for.

Watching tv isn’t quality time and you won’t remember it. Also you said you wanted to live life.

I am cool moving out and I think it’ll be good to slow down also going to quit the church and get an apartment near by.

Your Dad offered me a job, if I take it we can get engaged quicker but obviously it’ll mean less time together so I wanted to see which you wanted.

Yeah you can keep the necklace and ring just give it back before you run off with another guy.

But as you said it’s “not like that”

“I could never get tired of you Josh “

Most people just use me for 6 months and then move on once they’re healed.

Which in your case idk where you landed but I sure did give you a god complex if it wasn’t already there sleeping.

Not to mention the dozens of dates we had planned and trips but suddenly I move in and you can’t even be bothered. It was all a trap 🪤.

So you having made all of these decisions and told all of these lies and then once I feel miserable and we end up in a one sided relationship where you contribute nothing but take and drain constantly by creating issues. It was bad enough when it was just at home but then you take it with us. You start a fight and I sit in the car to avoid it and you have your family thinking I’m leaving without you as if that has ever even remotely happened.

What happened to the girl who drove me to work at 3am in an ice storm? That girl was a good person. She was loyal,independent, smart and emotionally aware, mature, hard working.

Then two months in you completely switch

You clearly never cut anyone off since you’re still entertaining a whole group chat despite being damn near engaged.

You sigh and roll your eyes and act like I’m bothering you just for asking for your help with anything like I haven’t done everything for you.

You went from allegedly going out to eat alone to not even being able to bathe or cook alone.

I don’t think you were less smart but you became more irrational.

To not being able to talk about feelings without crying or exploding screaming to the point our only way of resolving fights was over text but then it got even worse and we just swept it under the rug.

To having toddler tantrums when something doesn’t go your way or your phone game pisses you off.

Then come March you had no job but couldn’t even clean your own house.

Which is crazy bc I put up with it all as long as you didn’t treat me like shit.

Then have the audacity to cry when I told you I haven’t been able to reach my dad. You don’t feel bad. You don’t have a conscience. You can’t say this isn’t easy for me. You can’t say you want to see me but it’s “hard” right now.

You put me where I was and you put our relationship where it was. And I was the one paying the consequences.

[fae-iii]

It's New Year's eve! I made a post last year (on Cohost) that I think I deleted cuz I was kinda spiraling pretty hard, but I thought I was doing "really well" at the time, lol. Deleted quite a while ago cuz it embarrassed me and I don't want a ton of personal stuff on my main account. Anyway, here's a ton of personal stuff!

In a lot of ways I've gotten better this year! I've done less crazy things that I don't wanna talk about and I've done more crazy things that I do wanna talk about! Uh, but first:

My physical health is kinda worse right now than it was this time last year. From a low of ~260lbs, I'm up ~40 this year. Upset about that, but from my absolute high of ~400+, it's not too bad and I think my original method was kinda all over the place for various mental reasons and I've very recently gotten back on the saddle. So I'm not gonna reach my desired weight this year; that's insane, but I am gonna be more active and try to make better food decisions. Try and prioritize physical and mental health, seems like a novel idea.

Oh, mental health… I wanted to get a therapist this past year. With work going into crunch time, I don't think I'm gonna have the time to commit until mid-April rolls around again. It's trending better though! I've felt less scared and less alone for the past few months than I have in a long while and I've let go of some delusional thoughts. Regardless of the therapist situation, my mental heath has improved, and I'm really happy about that!

Speaking of improvement: pixel art! Felt very inspired and jealous seeing other's stuff, from small pieces of art to more ambitious projects come to fruition and feeling very unfulfilled with my own place in life, I finally started doing pixel art, which is something I've always had romantic thoughts of, but the low-confidence thought of "I'm not a good artist and I'm too old to start at the age of (13~23) and there's lots of people who're better than me so why even try" and my penchant for kinda abandoning things at early stages had held me back.

I think the being able to stick to a diet and exercise of the prior year helped discipline me, even if it was a little intense and that kinda stemmed from another delusional thought, so I had the fear that this was all being built on a weak foundation. I've gotten good enough at it that I don't have this fear anymore! Well… only a little.

I'm pretty conservative on my goals for it right now. I eventually wanna make some kind of big creative endeavor, not gonna be this year. I've had an idea for a much smaller scale, less elaborate pilot project. After "Weasel Wednesday"s denouement, I might- I will play with smaller sprites and read into GB Studio and see what I can come up with. I'm thinking something Zelda-like. Like a singe, medium-large dungeon, maybe? I could probably design something passable. Idk if anything will materialize this year of it, but I'll at least experiment.

It'd be cool to maybe contribute to or work on a project with other people eventually. I don't really expect that in the upcoming year, but maybe further in the future. I've got some lofty dreams, but I'm also a believer in not taking on bigger workloads than I can handle alone (mixed results).

I think that generally covers my resolutions. Probably a lot of goals under that "mental health" banner that I neglect to mention. Happy New Year™!! !!!!!! ! !! !!!!!

[master-k0hga]

| M O I |

[ Category: Misc OCs ]

| .: Edit :. Idk how long I didn't do up her bio a but finally I got around to it eventually I guess.... I've got too many things that I've given myself to do omfg Idk what to do with myself ngl..... Oh well.-

Loveable, friendly and very welcoming robo girl who's original purpose was an OC I created for an awesome group back on DeviantART and the admin was like the nicest person I've ever met online.. Sadly was only short-lived due to the said admin no longer in the world of the living that I don't wanna get into personal detail about..

Loved them to death but unfortunately along with their passing, the community slowly fell apart, so then I've decided to be respectful and have Moi be her own thing while also trying to keep the original meaning of said OC alive... Hence why she's an actual wonderful character and very much holds a special place in my heart along with a few others of mine..

..

I just want those times back.. I want him back, I just fucking want him back I don't care if he really did or not I don't care about the "controversy" surrounding it I just need him back...

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

INFO

Name: Moi Species: Love-Bot General Personality: Adorable, friendly, supportive, caring, shy, helpful, loveable Height: 5ft Relationship Status: Single

Extra Info:

Despite being very social, loving and talkative, she's actually the very nervous type

She comforts those who are dealing with bad times, whether it's a temporary struggle or long term; She will always be there for anyone in need

Her creator had been lost to her for a very long time that she is slowly wasting away due to no one able to keep maintaining her systems, her battery keeping her going slowly waning

Even though she's a robot, she feels very much real to everyone who she's helped.. Although even she can feel herself getting more and more tired

Loves arts and crafts of all kinds, also loves playing in parks and gets along well with the kids; Has been a babysitter on most occasions and loves it every single time

Contributes to a lot of places and services that either deal with mental health and wellbeing or even just in nursing homes in general. Always bringing many smiles to others

Has had a couple moments in her time where she would encounter aggressive or horribly behaved individuals, almost got busted and destroyed even though she was just doing what she was built to do

She can fix herself when it comes to minor damages or issues with her systems, but anything more than is completely damaging or anything or internal she would need external assistance for

Loves animals, especially dogs and birds, will literally gives scritches and hugs to every single animal or pet she comes across if she could

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

That's it really, it's mainly just me re-introducing all the OCs with the refs and overall trying to further adapt and develop them as much as I can.. It's not really easy when motivation doesn't hit you the same way as it used to, I find myself not being able to get passed the designing, somewhat naming and getting the basic information about an OC before I either lose the motivation to do more or lose the will to develop the OCs any further...

It's not because I have loads, in fact that's fine and I just want to entirely re-design them, improve them and develop them so far ahead than what they originally were.. But I think it's cuz I'm getting older, I'm dealing with more stresses of life in general and am just getting to the point where I'm like...

"What's the point"...? ... It's not gonna do much for me in the long run, I'm not gonna get anywhere with this and all these other things.. It's just to give me something to do, I'm not socially active, I don't have the energy to spare after work and over all I'm too tired to do anything.... But oh well, that doesn't matter now does it..

.. Anyway, another one down... Several more to go..

. Moi, Art © Me . DON’T RE-POST .

[ablednt]

Difficult putting it into words but do you think it's an autism thing like...not being able to multitask your emotions well?

Like in the past I've just lumped it in with hyperempathy but to say I'm being hyperempathetic when empathy is called for as opposed to times it isn't (i.e getting emotional throwing trash away because I feel bad for it or on a lesa object based note anthropomorphizing animals like assigning human emotions to them to work myself up over) feels disingenuous

But when something is requiring me to allocate my emotions to it I am usually all or nothing. Like if my friend is having a tough situation and there's not really anything I can do to help other than the occasional supportive message or something it feels like my world just stops, everything is about this now, and I struggle to act normally while not dealing with This Situation.

When it comes to bigger more encompassing emergencies that effect lots of people the feeling becomes so much stronger. Like of course I don't want to pathologize the feeling of "why is everything so normal when [horrible atrocity] is happening" I think that in fact is the normal expected way to feel

But allistic people seem to be able to allocate an appropriate amount of focus and emotion to such a situation and then once they do what they can for the time being they can just kind of... turn it off kinda? But for me the world keeps going and I cannot break my lazer focus on what is objectively the most urgent even if it's not something that I'm able to contribute to much at the moment.

Like how do people budget their focus and their emotions like that? Is not being able to do that abnormal? Am I thinking too much about it? Idk

[mental-health-advice]

Hi I hope you're well. Idk who else to talk to and I haven't actually gone to a therapist yet but I know I have some sort of social anxiety because it affects my daily life. I barely participate in discussions during my classes and when I do, I overthink what I'm going to say and end up going off topic, not like how I rehearsed it in my head. I start to hate myself after I talk in class because I hate the way I speak (I'm really really bad at thinking on the spot and mumble a lot so it makes me self conscious). Sometimes the prof tells me she can't hear me and it makes me even more anxious and I feel guilty because I'm not contributing to the class well, while my classmates can contribute freely, without any worries, and are able to articulate their ideas perfectly. I feel like it'll just be a downward spiral from here because I'm only continuing my studies because my parents have high expectations for me. They think I'm capable of getting a great job because of my education and my organization skills but I get anxious just thinking about it because I know for a fact that I'd never do well in a job interview no matter how much I practice (even if I practice it still wouldn't go how I planned). They think I'm their only hope because my two elder brothers didn't finish their studies, and one also has some mental health issues (he speak to a therapist on the phone for help). I on the other hand, I know I need to go to therapy but I don't think my parents think anything is wrong with me. Plus, I feel like I'd just be a burden on them because they're already struggling as it is (we're not really that well off) and I've seen how my family treats my brother as a burden as well for having mental health issues) so I don't think I'll ever get the help I want. I also feel like a burden on my close friends because some of them also have some mental health issues and so bringing up my own struggles will make it seem as though I'm disregarding theirs. It's just too much and it's gotten to the point where I have trouble sleeping because my brain doesn't stay quiet and I have too many thoughts running through my head :(

Hey there,

I too had struggles when I was at uni with actively participating in class discussions and sharing my own thoughts and ideas on topics that were brought up, so you are definitely not alone in that aspect.

I think when it comes to speaking up and contributing to class discussions, it’s more of a confidence thing and so the more you do it, the better and more comfortable you will feel in doing it. You did mention though that you try to talk in class but that you are never satisfied or happy in the way you talk/ feeling as though you don’t get your point across well enough despite practicing and rehearsing it in your head first. Firstly, I think it’s great that you are at least giving it a go and trying, you would be surprised at how many people will just sit back in the background and stay quiet.

I am wondering if before talking in class you can first write down points that you want to talk about and next to each point writing a bit about each. Doing this may help you to stay on point and remind yourself what you are trying to discuss and get out talking wise in your classes. Just an idea! Something else you could try is speaking to your professor and letting them know that you struggling with talking in class and that it makes you feel really self-conscious when they say they cannot hear you. You never know but they may also have some pointers on how you can talk more in classes! I’m sure that they have had past students who have struggled with the same or similar things as you when it comes to speaking in class.

I also want to quickly mentioned that it’s not really fair on your parents to put all this pressure on you for being the only one out of your siblings to get into uni and continue in your studies. I too can relate to this as my eldest sister wanted to be a paramedic but didn’t get the grades to go to uni to further in her studies and my brother chose a trade and so again didn’t go to uni but then somehow, shy me got accepted? Yes it’s super cool that you got in and get to study in your chosen fields but at the same time it has to be because you want to do this, not others wanting this for you but because you want it for yourself. And whilst it’s true that you may get a better job from going to uni, you can still get a decent job of your choice without a degree. My sister is a great example of this as she never made it to uni but now has a great job at an emergency services call centre where she is able to directly help others still (just not in the field). And me, well I had to drop out of uni due to my mental health impacting on my studies but I again am doing what I love even though it’s mostly volunteer based stuff. So for example I love both working with animals and helping others and offering them support where I can. I now volunteer for an animal rescue group with getting funding and am also a foster carer for cats/ kittens and to help me fulfill my desires to help others, I volunteer when I can here at MHA. I guess what I am trying to say is that getting a degree isn’t everything. You need to be happy and really want this, even if what you really want isn’t following your parent’s dreams for you.

And in regards to feeling as though you won’t be any good at job interviews, just try to focus on the here and now right now. We never know what the future may have in store for us so there is no point in worrying or stressing about all the what ifs when they haven’t even happened as yet!

I know it can be really hard in confiding in friends about your own struggles when you know they have their own stuff going on as well. It’s more than OK to let friends into your world though and they may even be able to offer you some advice and support themselves. You will not be disregarding their own mental health stuff, actually, one thing that I have found helpful in my own mental health recovery is that sometimes it can really help to help others or even just to listen to them when times are tough or just for things in general. It can help give the other person a break from their own struggles and head and that can be really helpful at times for both you and them! And if you are worried about saying too much to your friends about your own situation, then just let them know to tell you if it’s getting to be too much. It’s OK for them to say stop, just like it’s OK for you to tell them to stop if them talking to you is becoming too overwhelming.

It can be really tough when we know we need that extra help and support but feel as though by speaking up we will be a burden to others. And whilst I do not know your family’s personal situation there are ways that you can receive the help and support and at a low cost or for free. For example, you can always speak to a counsellor from either a helpline or on web counselling which is free, or you can check out your local community mental health services and see if they can help you and support you in any way or even just referring you on to someone else. There is hope out there and yes, your parents may not be accepting that you need help and support too, but even the most successful people need help and support sometimes!

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

[sonianvmd]

thh characters with a crush on you

warnings: none, maybe some swearing but otherwise nothing major

oH and mentions of murder and death but this is danganronpa so im going to assume u expected as much

a/n: so we kickin this blog off with a bang, writing for LITERALLY THE ENTIRE TRIGGER HAPPY HAVOC CAST LMFAOAOAOAO (excluding hifumi, yasuhiro, and the two despairs doe bc i’ve already made that clear)

also some character’s sections are shorter than others im sorry i just couldnt think of as many bullet points for them *tiktok cry emoji*

edit: I FORGOT CELSESTE FU K SORRY

spoilers under the cut!!

★ 彡 ★ ミ ★ 彡 ★ ミ ★

makoto naegi

when he realizes he likes you, he doesn’t necessarily panic or anything, but he does get nervous

nervous around you, that is

y’all saw how he was with sayaka

if he says anything that might sound intimate then he’ll immediately rephrase it or reassure he didn’t mean anything by it

he really only does have good intentions but his wording just kinda flops sometimes

he appreciates how you listen to him and value what he says

you don't make him feel dumb or inferior compared to a bunch of ultimates with actual talents

he’ll muster up the courage to tell you eventually

let’s hope his luck comes through 😁

byakuya togami

now when THIS man realizes he likes you, he a bitch nigga bout it 😐

he can't believe he fell for a common plebeian such as you

but it was hard not to

the way you preferred to get to the point

the way you were aware of your situation and didn't sugarcoat how you felt about it, although you certainly were nicer with it than him

he's ruthless

anyways

you knew your priorities and spent no time trying to use your resources

he noticed how much you had in common; in you, he saw himself

and we all know how this mf feels about himself 😐

he’ll be quick to defend you in class trials

he won’t realize he’s doing it but he just subconsciously protects you

but just because he doesn't notice it, don't mean the rest of the class brushes past it as well

yeah they on his ass LMFAOO

kyoko kirigiri

kyoko is very good at keeping her composure so she won’t be very obvious

she’ll probably just hang around you more

she’ll also defend you in class trials, calmly

“oh, it couldn’t have been [name]. i remember seeing them in their dorm around the time the murder took place.”

hifumi probably finna say some dumb shit like “aye what was you doin in their dorm doe” but anyways

she finds you respectable

if you have anything to contribute, she’ll let you take the floor

when she tells you, she’s very composed, but also very indirect LMFAO

she’s not too sure on how to express her interest in you but maybe she’ll go about it like “well, [name], now we’ve made it here, would you like to step back into the world with me?” or somethin else along those lines idk

take her hand

pls

toko fukawa

y’all know her whole “master togami” shtick

yeah so 😁😁😁😁

no but fr, toko ofc still has her borderline stalkerish 🧍🏾‍♀️ tendencies

she’ll often find herself staring at you, either in the library or in the morning meetings everyday at breakfast

but she isn’t as straight forward as she is with byakuya

i actually think she’d be mad shy and non confrontational

the whole thing she kept up with him ? yeah, never again

if you approach her first then she’ll be able to get a few words out but for most of the conversation, she’ll just nervously play with her braids

you’ll most likely put two and two together

unless ur a makoto kinnie bc then you’ll have to wait till someone else puts it in place for u but anyways

if you decide to approach her about it, you’ll kinda be backing her into a corner bc she’s just bad at deflecting things lmao

she’ll eventually confess (begrudgingly but hey i mean its better than nothing)

expect much stuttering and a gesture like giving you a small gift

and not to be that writer that uses japanese terms in english writing but toko seems like a tsundere but not really if that makes sense?? so she’d probably shove it in your hands and if you try to say something then she’ll just try to play it off as not a big deal lol

calls u a baka 😍😍

aoi asahina

i know y’all all see how she is with sakura

yeah.

aoi is the kind of person who’d like to spend time with their crush rather than shy away from them

she values you and your friendship very much

bring her donuts

just trust me bring her donuts

she doesn’t really realize she’s into you like that for a while but believe me, she is, the whole time

and yeah i think she’d be nervous to tell you bc that’s just natural but ultimately she’d be cool about it

uh oh looks like we goin for a swim

sakura ogami

similar to kyoko, she’s very calm

despite her big and bad appearance, she really is a sweet girl

she cares for you and your well-being very much

will indeed go on x games mode for you

the way she tells you is very sincere and well spoken

kith her

naow

im sorry this is like the shortest one i couldn’t think of much for her 😔😔

leon kuwata

flirtatious ass mf

and he’s lightskin

so this just cannot go well

y’all know that bit where it’s like the guy yawns and stretches his arms up and then wraps one around your shoulder

yeah that’s literally him LMFAOO

he’s very confident

he was fairly well known with the ladies at his old school so you know he’s rhockin wit it ‼️

but

you feel.. different than usual ??

those girls were just lil flings n dates bc he was nice enough to accept their confessions and it boosted his ego anyway so it was a win win

but you

he was genuinely interested in you since he had saw you the first time

he didn’t just acknowledge your appearance

he learnt about your personality and your hobbies and what you liked and such, and he really cared and wanted to hear you talk about it all

he felt the need to really make an effort to show you how much he respected and had affections for you

he doesn't tell you in a grand way

probably just asks you out to a movie or somethin

he's chillin

mondo owada

you know

for being the biggest, baddest, most respected biker gang leader

or just for being in a biker gang period

mondo’s a huge softie lol

yeah he gets violent but he’s a sweet guy who cares about and is loyal to his friends

so mfs need to be nice to you

or they gettin whooped

when he decides it’s time to tell you how he feels, he thinks over his words and he’s all confident there’s no way you’d reject him but then he sees you in the halls and goes 🧍🏾 LMFAOOO

he’ll push through but it’s like he’ll walk up to you and look away from you because he refuses eye contact and just go

“so y/n, would you wanna.. tch.. come to a drive-in movie with me or somethin’?... dumbass.”

real smooth mondo i think you got em good job

please tease him LMFAOO it’d be so funny

he’d probably yell but you can tell he’s not mad so you just keep going with it

but once you’re done tormenting him, you do agree to the movie, don’t worry 🙏🏾

also mondo would call his s/o doll

that is all

chihiro fujisaki

my fav dude in a dress <3

chihiro would be quite shy, but that’s just how he is tbh so no surprise there

he’s very kind so he’d check up on you often just to see how you are

he cares about you v much

the way he confesses is one that consists of a red face as he offers you a box of candy or something similar

and he’d feel honored that you reciprocate his feelings

he’d be very scared to tell you his secret but once he does, he’s delighted to hear it doesn’t make any difference to you

he doesn’t know how he got so lucky with you

not only because woooo they like me back but also because you like him despite,, well everything about him LMFAOO

sweet lil boy

i’d feel like he’d talk about you to alter ego a lot

and when u meet the program for the first time, he’s like “oh! you must be [name]! master’s told me all about you :)”

sobbing i miss him

kiyotaka ishimaru

okay here’s the thing

if taka were to like someone

i can’t tell whether he’d be more strict because he doesn’t want them to get in trouble (and also so it would hopefully divert any suspicion that he DOES like you since he treats you the same as everyone else, only more)

or if he’d hold back more because he favors them LMFAOO

so imma write a lil bit for both

in the case that he was even stricter:

he’d prefer to be around you because he believes the best way he can make sure you stay out of trouble is to make sure you don’t get into any in the first place

of course it’s impossible to monitor you every second of every day but he does his best to make sure you’re doing well

if he sees you do anything out of line, he’s shutting that shit down IMMEDIATELY

but in the case he let up:

he’d still lecture you but noticeably less than the other students

if your feet were resting on top of a desk, he’d ask you to move them and then leave you alone rather than yell at you and forcibly move them himself

if you notice his behavior towards you in comparison to the other students do not tease him about it he will go as red as his eyes /hj

either way he’s confessing to you with a polite but exaggerated bow while holding out a well thought out letter with both hands

sayaka maizono

she will tell you

idk why but i feel like she’d be straight up lol

she’d make sure she’s sincere

she is the ultimate pop idol and all so she wants to make sure you know that she really does like you and isn’t playing a sick joke on you or anything

ok bc

while i do think she’d tell you

i’d feel like she’d be a little indirect just to see how you feel

like she’d give you a free ticket to one of her upcoming concerts with a kind smile

and naturally, you're like :o

and of course you come to support her

and seeing you smile at her from the crowd and cheer her on was the encouragement she needed to push her to ask you out

for real this time

she asks if you wanna come to a concert with her and ur like “oh yeah i love ur shows!!” bc ur dumb and then she’s like “no i mean.. for another artist” and eventually it hits you that she’s asking you out and ur like “oH YEAH YEAH SURE THAT SOUNDS GREAT YEAH OK” LMFAOO

———

i really hope that this is good LMFAOO this is my first time writing for dr so 😃👍🏾

fun fact i finished toko’s section first and taka’s last 😁😁

and i’d like to thank @mius-imagination @bloodygir n the rest of the discord for helping me figure some of these characters out *simultaneously whips and nae naes*

bye ive been working on this for like weeks this took forever

———

edit: here’s a deleted section bc i kept blanking for this character 😍

[sortasirius]

“Despair” and Dean and Cas

Well well well, winning is my favorite thing.

As usual, this is going to be as long as hell. And fair warning, it’s extremely emotional.

So here it is, the thing that we have been barrelling towards for years, literally years.

Just want to point out this.  Also, I will NEVER allow someone to speak negatively about this writing group, EVER.

Team Free Dads starting off the episode is so sweet, so scary.  Cas’ calming, Dean’s fear, Sam’s desperation, really just hammering home how much they love Jack, how his pain is pain for them, how losing him is unbearable.

“I can’t stop this.  I’m coming apart.  I don’t want to hurt you.  Don’t let me hurt you.”

Oof.  If you’ve ever question whether Jack is a Winchester, this line should shut that shit down for you.

When I tell you I was PISSED when Billie sent Jack to the Empty to EXPLODE?????  PAIN.

“Yeah the Empty can’t come to earth, not without being summoned.”

Hello Bobo, clue number 1.

The fact that they only had Jack in limbo for like five seconds was great for my heart health, thank u very much Bobo.

Also Dean wielding Death’s scythe?????? KING?????

Man, Sam and Dean’s growth.  The way that they’re able to, idk, actually speak on how they feel without death looming or fear or pain.  It’s just a conversation, just an honest conversation of Dean admitting his mistakes, admitting how he felt.  Admitting that he fucked up, and Sam forgiving him for it.

CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF

Also...hunters and their “dates.”  Two hunters who are happily together, who are happily fighting monsters.  Hm.  Sounds like a Saileen/Destiel parallel to me boys.

You ever wish Cas would look and the mirror and take the great advice he gives others?  Because I do.  He’s always tried to be “useful” for Sam and Dean, for Jack, always tried to make sure that he’s useful enough that they keep him around.  But what he doesn’t understand, what he’s never understood, is that they need him because of who he is, not because of what he contributes.

Remind y’all of anything?

And here we have Clue Number 2

And then, Sam’s realization.  Eileen.

Did I begin full tilt screaming no in my apartment when he said her name?  Who’s to say?

How can a lock screen cause me this much pain????

Okay but: Charlie loses Stevie, Sam loses Eileen.  Clue Number 3.

I feel like I don’t talk enough about how much Sam loves Eileen.  About how obvious it is that they are endgame, about how happy he is when he talks about her.  This just feels like a blow to the stomach, but we’ve barely even started.

Sam immediately shifting into protective leader mode?  He is the love of my life.

Dean’s simple nod, like it’s a given?  Enough to do me in right there.

This is another episode where it’s just so clear that Sam is the leader of the North American hunters.  Everyone knows him, everyone is willing to follow him.  He’s knowledgeable and kind and fair and just and an incredibly capable fighter.  Once again, I don’t believe his work on earth is done.

Can we also please talk about how FRIGHTENING IT WAS for Jack to kill that plant???  I don’t really have much of a comment on it because I was literally just like ?????

With Billie saying that it’s Chuck, the way that people were dusted, very similar to Becky and Amara, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised, especially with Donna getting taken off the board.  It’s like I said last week, I don’t buy that he’s taken himself off the board, he’s too invested in the unraveling of this story to take a step back.  He’s gotta break them before he can defeat them, that’s the only way.

And here we go, into one of the most painful and surreal things I will ever write about.

Dean’s speech.  His guilt, his regret.  The shame of not only trapping himself, but the pain, the horror of trapping Cas.

“I just lead us into another trap.  All because I, I couldn’t hurt Chuck.  Because I was angry and because I just needed something to kill, and because that’s all I know how to do.”

“Dean-”

“It was Chuck all along.  We never should have left Sam and Jack, we should be there with them now.  Everybody’s gonna die, Cas.  Everybody.  I can’t stop it.”

His narrative arc.  Tied up in a bow.

“She’s gonna get through that door.”

“I know.”

“And she’s gonna kill you and then she’s gonna kill me.  I’m sorry.”

Cas smiles.

Cas knows.  He knows what’ll get them out of this, and he knows that he would do anything in this Universe for Dean Winchester. The human man he fell for.

“When Jack was dying, I made a deal to save him.”

“You what?”

“The price was my life.  When I experienced a moment of true happiness, the Empty would be summoned and it would take me forever.”

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I’ve wondered what it could be, what my true happiness could even look like.  I never found an answer, because the one thing I want, it’s something I know I can’t have. 

“But I think I know, I think I know now...happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being.  It’s in just saying it.”

“What are you talking about, man?”

The most selfless thing Cas does in this, and he does a lot of selfless things, is to tell Dean Winchester how impossibly good he is.  To tell him that he is worthy, to tell him that he is adored.

“I know, I know how you see yourself, Dean.  You see yourself the same way our enemies see you.  You’re destructive and you’re angry and you’re broken and you’re daddy’s blunt instrument.  And you think that hate and anger, that’s what drives you, that’s who you are.  It’s not.  And everyone who knows you sees it, and everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love.  You raise your little brother for love, you fought for this whole world for love.  That is who you are.

“You’re the most caring man on earth.  You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know.  You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you outta Hell...knowing you has changed me.

“Because you cared, I cared.  I cared about you, I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, I cared about the whole world because of you. 

“You changed me, Dean.”

“Why does this sound like a goodbye?”

Dean’s greatest fear. His fear of those loving him leaving him. The terror of being alone.

“Because it is.

The head shake.  Don’t love me.  Don’t love me if it means you’ll leave me, don’t love me, everyone I love leaves me.  Don’t leave me.  Don’t love me.  Don’t leave me.

“Don’t do this, Cas.”

Just like I always thought.  One last look at Dean before the Empty takes him.

“Cas-”

“Goodbye Dean.”

And Dean is left, broken on the floor, unable to answer Sam’s calls, unable to do anything.  It doesn’t matter to him that Chuck has wiped everyone out, it doesn’t matter to him that Sam and Jack might need him.  It doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t matter, because the thing that mattered still hangs on his lips, still waiting to be said, and now he won’t get another chance to say it.

The fact that I am writing this, even with all my spec, with all my analysis of the writers’ room, of their text, of the way Dabb and co had approached this story, nothing could have ever prepared me for this.  Nothing could have prepared me for a three and a half minute, uninterrupted scene where Cas confesses not only that he loves Dean, but that he has always loved him.

I talk a lot about how these writers don’t get the credit they deserve.  Unfortunately, from most of this fandom, they never will.  We will likely never know the fights with the network they had, the steps backward they had to take, the way they had to beg and fight and claw to get this on the screen.  But they did it.  They did it for these characters, they did it for this dinosaur of a show, and yeah, they did it for us.

It was not easy, I can promise you, to get this greenlit.  They had to fight for this, they likely had to call in favors and make threats and quite literally put their careers on the line (you may scoff at that, but WB is a BIG company, especially in the TV/movie world) for this story.  This story of Dean and Cas, the man dragged out of Hell and the angel who fell for him.

I have tons more to say, and will likely have several more posts about this, but I want to leave all my babes who are worried that that was the end for Dean and Cas with some takeaways.

Sam is missing Eileen.  Dean is missing Cas.  That is no longer a fun subtextual parallel, that is it for them.  Their respective endgames are missing, and they will not know their peace until they get them back.  Chuck will not win.  That’s not the story being told, and right now?  He’s winning.  He’s broken them, left them with nothing, left them with an empty world and a hole in each of their hearts where their person (or angel) used to be.

Our show is going to end with “contentment.”  “Contentment” isn’t from Sam and Dean being filled with grief and hitting the open road.  It isn’t Sam getting Eileen back and leaving Dean with no one.  “Contentment” is Sam and Eileen, Dean and Cas.  Together.

[rrandomtthings]

Hi! I saw your post about SK8 to infinity season 2, and I am excited for it but I’m also worried. I love Langa and Reki relationship and I really hope they become more close in season 2 but I’m just afraid that the director of the show is going to make them fall in love with some girl for the male viewers instead of for eachother. Like the one thing I hate about fujobaot/gay bait is that they’ll make 2 dudes be extremely gay towards eachother and then make them have girlfriends bc they don’t want the 2 dudes to be gay. I wish this was like Yuri on Ice but we haven’t had a show like Yuri on Ice for years. Anyways what’s your thoughts in this?

Hiii !!!! I think those fears are completely valid !!

In terms of renga’s relationship, there is no real way of knowing what will happen with them. There has been proof in the show that Reki does show interest in girls, but that absolutely does not eliminate bisexuality, pansexuality, etc etc. I know the topic of queerbait was HUGE when season 1 was coming out and since then I’ve always been on the side of sk8 not being considered queer bait (atleast from what we have been shown in season 1). Bc, from what we have seen so far, their relationship is being seen as really good friends in the grand perspective. The little things in their relationship that can be perceived as romantic isn’t necessarily romantic. For ex, Langa holding Reki saying that he will protect him isnt inherently romantic. These little scenes are only seen as really shippy if u view it that way

That being said, that absolutely does not eliminate the possibility of there being more. From what we have seen, Langa has confessed feelings for Reki from his talk w his mom (this mf blushed and agreed I just AAA!!!!!! It’s been over a year and I’m still not over it) So there has been foundation laid down for possible romance. The sk8 fandom has a large queer community which definitely contributed in its success and the reason why it was able to get a season 2 in the first place. This is a studio Bones original series, it could have easily been left at 12 episodes. This foundation can definitely be explored in the future and I would love to see that so much. We don’t know what exactly will come out of this season since the last season w Adam completed that storyline. For all we know, this season can be ab Reki and Langa’s relationship and the development there

Personally, I absolutely think that sk8 has the potential of being like Yuri on ice. Like I said, the foundation is there and there have been parallels w renga and victuuri!! I genuinely think that yoi is such a high bar to beat (it’s my comfort anime) so idk if anything can even reach the same level, but the possibility for sk8, esp since it’s already had its first season and we know who these characters are, is still there

Im not worried ab sk8 being queerbait bc I don’t see it as that rn. From season 1, Reki and Langa are just really great friends. If season 2 wants to do more, then great (amazing I want that so bad) !! And if not, then that’s fine. The only time I will have a problem is if they wholeass have a whole ass kiss or romance confession one minute then the next they have gf’s. That’s when we will have an issue, but I’m definitely not too worried ab that as of right now !!

[hexfloog]

Tonight we screm about... LIFELINES

Earlier today, I sent an... admittedly very poorly-phrased question about Gadgetless Conan to a DCMK server - you know, like someone who doesn't proofread.

(I know it was bad because nobody answered me... rightfully so, lmao)

There was a reason for it though!! What I was thinking about was E2, Company President's Daughter Kidnapping Case/The Kidnapped Debutante, and E129, The Girl from the Black Organization.

Rambling below the cut!!

In episode two, it's made horribly clear to us just how harrowing Shinichi's situation has become, even at surface-level. The point is obviously to contrast against the Shinichi we're shown in episode one, who is physically adept, well-liked by authority, and generally comfortable in life. In the span of a single episode, he becomes alienated by symbols of his former self-- his house, which he cannot enter; his clothes, which he cannot fit; his friends, who he cannot confide in; and his own name, which he cannot utter-- and we begin watching him struggle to acclimate to the life of someone who is infantilized at every turn (until he isn't, cough), the degree of which is illustrated most plainly in this first case solved as "Conan."

You only get one shot to establish the floor of a setup like this, and I think they did a pretty good job of it. I'm biased in favor of the Funimation dub, of course:

"You've gotta be kidding me!! I can't even kick a soccer ball anymore!

Aaaaaugh, the panic in his voice.

Anyway, I bring this up in conjunction with The Girl from the Black Organization because, before Shinichi realizes he's being played, Ai taunts him with some dialogue which I found-- among pretty much everything else she says in these two minutes-- pretty chilling:

And she's right - Shinichi flounders so much in episode two because... he really is helpless! He's completely gadgetless for the duration of the case, completely stolen from his former physical prowess (and the familiarity that comes with it), and just to add insult to injury he doesn't even know how to properly masquerade as a child yet, which is arguably the only trick he has when naked (so to speak). As Haibara says... without Agasa, Shinichi has no liberation from the physical weakness of his child body.

So... that got me thinking... Shinichi has a support system that is already loosely established even by this point, composed of people who know his secret, lifelines which bring him back to himself when it seems like there is no escape from his false identity. What are they?

Agasa is, as established above, Shinichi's lifeline to his physical strength and, arguably, his authority. His gadgets allow the young detective to arm himself-- both in the conventional sense, and with a reliable wealth of trickery to skirt the dismissiveness often invited by his child appearance... whether that means simple antics or straight-up mimicking the voices of dead people to scare culprits into confessing WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS--

His parents are, obviously, his connection to family. They are also his general safety net, in the event he chooses to give up... or is forced to.

Heiji is Shinichi's lifeline to companionship. As I mentioned earlier, once he becomes Conan, Shinichi is put in a place where he can no longer confide in his friends (namely, Ran). Heiji, after learning his secret-- and in his ostensibly wholesome habit of seeing right through the veil of Conan every single time-- offers Shinichi a chance to just... be himself without the smoke and mirrors. When the circumstances of his life force him to wear the skin of someone else at every waking moment, I feel Shinichi could very well forget what genuine camaraderie feels like. Also he's the first one to offer Shinichi any semblance of hope for the end of his predicament (albeit unknowingly), how could he not have a place here omg

Haibara is something of an enigma. Admittedly, I have not seen enough of her to be able to say anything (with confidence) on her apparent role in Shinichi's system, but every time she speaks I swear this girl has something PATENTLY 10/10 to contribute asddgfhj. For me, and for all I've seen so far, she represents his value system (and by extension, retribution?) and is the closest I've seen this show come to gray morality. In this very episode Agasa has to hold Shinichi back when their conversation quite clearly turns to challenging who he thinks deserves to be called a victim and I-- mmmmMMMM

More on that in another post about this ep because there's no WAY I'm going to be able to cover everything I wanna say about it in this one aaaaa. Also I do not know at this point whether Vermouth would also fit into this role, I haven't gotten there yet

(Now for this last one... I realize Movie Canon is technically its own thing, but tbh I want the movie and show canon(s) to overlap so much in my mind that I don't even care sorry not sorry--)

...Kaito Kid.* Honestly this boy is such a wildcard, his relationship with Shinichi is so unique and multifaceted that he most definitely plays more than one part in this support system I've interpreted for him in my head. At the very least, being The Foil, it stands to reason he would play a very similar role to Agasa, but rather than bringing him back to the familiarity of his physical body, he keeps him on his toes by pushing his ambition and testing his deductive prowess, which... is especially interesting to me, given that Shinichi never loses that part of him post-transformation. Passion, then, is perhaps his role (or at least one of them): to remind Shinichi of his purpose, of what gives him life... away from the grim backdrop of his circumstance, and removed from the shadow of the Organization... because even in the body of little Conan, that fire could not be stolen from him. Kaito may or may not be doing this consciously (for all intents and purposes, most likely not) but it's still an intriguing thought to entertain, I think...

(*Yusaku could technically overlap with this also, but imo both Shinichi's parents are far too aware of the threat of the Black Organization, I think-- as they should be, being his parents and all.)

(*Heiji could also be the one who stokes this fire, but there's a markedly distinct difference between sharing a passion, and weaponizing it)

Wow uhhHHH idk how to cap off this post uhmm... that's all I've got for now, next time I screm about... YOU CAN'T SAVE EVERYONE (still this ep, bc 129 is SUCH a treasure trove of ideas)

if you've gotten this far tysm for reading much love <333