#(i'm very bad at watching movies these days)
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frownyalfred · 3 days ago
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I watched the first two DCAU Justice League movies over the last few days and I get batlantern now. Literally from minute one, Hal wants to fuck Bruce so bad it makes him look stupid and Bruce very obviously enjoys that fact so much that he is a bitch to Hal just to infuriate him because its fun.
From the few comics I've read with these two in it I never really saw it as more than a crackship but now... I'm sorry batlantern girlies for ever doubting you.
There are dozens of us! DOZENS of us!!!!
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multiversefanfics · 3 days ago
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When The Clock Strikes Midnight
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Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader Warnings: Mention of alcohol, mention of violence Summary: You were invited to another infamous Tony Stark party, usually he didn't invite interns to his parties but there was something different about you. Everyone loves you (some more than others) and you deserve to have fun too.
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Just like every other fairytale a girl loves to be swept off her feet, danced all night, and of course, kissed by the love of their life. Unfortunately, you don't have a "love of your life", but you had a huge crush on Bucky Barnes, I mean who didn't he was gorgeous, charming (even though he doesn't think he is), he's funny, very protective, and caring. Bucky was in your opinion the best person to be around, he listens to you when you have a bad day, comforts you when you're upset, gets you all your favorite snacks, and attempts to cook for you, he's the only one that would sit and watch whatever movie you wanted, he was like your best friend. Until he wasn't.
It was the night of Tony's New Year's party; you finished up your work and then headed to your room to get ready, on your way you overheard Bucky in his room, you felt bad for eavesdropping, but you were too nosey to pass it up. "So, Y/N what brings you here? No Bucky that's stupid, obviously Stark invited her to the party." You heard him pace around his room he stopped and looked at himself in the mirror. "Y/N, would you like to dance?" You smiled to yourself and continued to your room, Bucky wants to dance with you how cute.
You stood in front of your closet looking at 2 dresses in particular a velvet dark red dress with a slit going up the right thigh or a silk dark sparkly purple dress with an open back. You stood there wishing to combine the two dresses but ultimately went with the purple dress. You didn't really wear makeup except for special occasions, and this was a special occasion. You took the time to do your hair as well, you looked at yourself in the mirror and smiled you looked and felt beautiful.
You were pulled from your thoughts by a knock on your door, you went over and opened it, revealing a nicely dressed Bucky Barnes, you met his gaze, and his mouth hung open "Hey Bucky" Bucky couldn't stop staring at you "Sorry, hey, are you ready?" You nodded and followed behind him, he looked so good from behind too, the way his shoulders were so broad and strong you could see them through his suit jacket. You didn't realize Bucky stopped until you ran into his back his hands found their way to your hips to prevent you from falling
"You okay, Doll?" You stood up straight, fixing your dress "Yeah, sorry I wasn't paying attention" He chuckled and took your hand guiding you to the car, he opened the door for you to get in you thanked him and got in the car, he made sure your dress was in the car before shutting the door. Bucky was always a gentleman, but something was different about him tonight, you couldn't quite tell.
You zoned out during the ride to Tony's, did Bucky know you liked him too? He's being a lot nicer than usual, you weren't complaining, and you definitely aren't going to question it either. You finally arrived at Tony's; you started to reach for the door handle when Bucky reached over and slapped your hand away, you put your hands up "Okay, okay." You watched him as he jogged around the front of the car to your side, he opened the door and slightly bowed as he held his hand out for you to hold on to as you got out the car.
Bucky didn't let go of your hand as the two of you walked into the party and you didn't let go of his. The two of you reached your friends everyone except Tony had a shocked look on their faces, Tony had a smirk on his face and cockily sipped his drink "So... Are you two?" You both looked at each other and smiled, you looked back at your friends "No, but I'm not opposed to it." Bucky smiled and kissed your hand "I'm gonna go get you a drink, be right back" You smiled and watched him walk away.
"What was that about?" Sam looked at you taking a sip from his drink "I'm not sure, but he's been super nice lately and honestly I'm not complaining." Natasha looked you up and down and whistled "Since everyone else is worried about whatever Bucky is doing you all forgot to acknowledge how stunning she looks." You smiled wide and did a 360 when you finished your spin Bucky walked up behind you placing his hand on your lower back handing you your drink, you thank him and take a sip.
After about 15 minutes of talking and laughing, you noticed Bucky acting fidgety "Hey Buck, do you wanna dance?" He nodded and followed you to the dance floor, the two of you danced closely "I don't know if I told you this, but you look gorgeous tonight." You smiled wide "Why thank you, Bucky you look handsome tonight." You softly pecked his cheek "You know, some might say you have a little crush on me." His cheeks turned a bright red and he bit his lip.
Bucky took a deep breath and looked into your eyes "I've had a crush on you since you started here, you were the first person to ever give me a chance, and you treated me with respect and kindness." He pulled you closer to him, slowly spinning around. "A year ago, when you came back to the compound crying after your boyfriend broke up with you, I wanted to do nothing else but comfort you that night, but you told me you wanted to be alone. I left you alone, but I went and beat up your ex."
Your eyes widened "You did what?" Bucky nodded "I know, I'm sorry but he needed to pay for hurting you, I was the one that left the teddy bear and chocolates at your bedroom door I said it was Steve because I didn't want to scare you. I like you Y/N, and I may even love you, you are this beautiful ray of sunshine that I need in my life, and if you don't feel the same way I completely understand and I hope we can still be frien-" You cut him off by placing your finger on his lips.
"You talk a lot, which is one of the many things I adore about you." He smiled softly and dipped you, that countdown until midnight started everyone was chanting "5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Happy New Year." You cupped Bucky's face pressing your lips to his, Bucky held your hips and pulled you closer to him. You slowly pulled back and looked up at him.
"I love you too."
A/N: I hope you guys like this, I'm sorry if it seems rushed, If you want to be tagged in future fics fill this form out, or send me a message or comment on this or any of my posts. thank you!! Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated. 🥰
Taglist: @megamindsecretlair @kandis-mom @tdbooth @kjah97
Main Masterlist - Bucky Barnes Masterlist
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withoutmonsterswebecomethem · 24 hours ago
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For Bryn, anger could keep one motivated. Keep them productive. He thought it was unfair to dismiss anger when it played the best part in both of these things. But people often also call it…passion. Passion was the name anger got for those who could not admit they were angry and wanted change. Wanted to do the best they could, while they could. Passion was a charming nickname for anger. He grinned a bit as he mused over this, thinking of the emotion itself, blushing, angrily, at being called Passion. It would be a very silly nickname, he imagined. Giving a nod of his head, Bryn glances to one side, “A lot about life sucks. And is gonna suck. But, you know what? I wouldn't trade it.” Not if it was what was making him what he was, now. Whatever that was. He was happy with who he was right now, right? Maybe. He would always feel like he wasn't good enough. But that is what happened to children whose parents threw them away, he supposed.
“Good. Storytime with Bryn is the best part of one's day, I have to say.” He grinned a little more, tapping the pencil again on his journal as Benny had gone on. As he looked to the side, he narrowed his eyes at the others words, not sure where that comment was coming from, “Well, I'm sure some will definitely think it would be nice.” He wished, however, to think. The majority of people did not want to have such an awful thing happen to them. There were entire movies made showing just that exact thing. He was particular toward the one called Armageddon. Bryn scratched the leaded side of the pencil into the book, “Death would be an awfully big adventure, as Peter would say.”
Sighing, Bryn shook his head, people were into consuming things. However, was rarely it ever actual fun thing's. It amazed him still that Big Brother lasted this long on tv. Pressing the pencil into the page, he had to remind himself, the individual had the ability to choose for a reason. Free Will was precious, and should very rarely be diverted of its course. Some people just liked trash TV, and that was going to have to be fine, Bryn told himself, “Well, what…do you watch?” Bryn laughed a little bit, “Could be something I would love to do.” If in fact, such things did exist. Perhaps they did, but he rarely found a case for it to be. It was like another Scooby-Doo adventure. Just another ordinary villain, wearing a mask, “Here seems to be a good place to start looking for such things to be real."
Bryn continued to move the pencil around the page, nodding as Benny explained himself, he imagined it was a lot of show. Most people liked to say these things, thinking it sounded cool. Which Bryn found to be interesting, if a bit primitive to think this way for so long of human history, for most humans. Perhaps it was like Peacock mating rituals, the more you spoke of such 'bad' behavior, the more attractive you seemed to be. Bryn smirks a bit, looking up at Benny from the bench, then, “So you think being shirtless improves your attractiveness to others significantly?” Bryn asked, curious. Not really sure he was understanding the comment entirely. But, waved a hand, “I guess I ask because I'm not really attractive to most people either.” He admits, though this is partially a lie. Mostly, people got confused and offended when he seemed to be 'uninterested' the way most humans found themselves interested in others. He was different. Rejection of who he was for some reason or another, no one really wanted him in the end. It made him feel ugly, so he believed he was.
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Productive-motivated, not something Benny would've ever given as a characteristic of anger. He bit his lower lip, barely, and nodded. He could live with that, he wasn't sure others could, nor if it suited him. But he'd not fight it. To him anger had never had a purpose, other than further derailing his life. He couldn't really find a good way to channel it either. "Dude, that sucks," he commented, when Bryn said he hadn't been anything but someone to mould. Perhaps he was a bit jealous of the attention, he knew his father would've never even thought him to be worth moulding into anything.
Benny chuckled and held out a hand to seal the deal. "I'm looking forward to it," he said. His grin was toothy as Bryn once again brought up something that Benny hadn't seen, had no information about, and didn't know anything of. "If the earth explodes on me... well, we're all done in that case, would be nice."
He laughed. "Haven't seen X files," he admitted. "But I know it's that weird detective show with like... urban legends and stuff. That would suit you too, bit of investigation, bit of sitting behind a desk."
"Depends on the situation, if I can walk around shirtless, I have a very good track record." He'd continue to work out just to get that high of having people look at him, to have their eyes on him, to have their attention. He wanted to be attractive to people. He didn't think he was without putting effort into it. While Bryn obviously was attractive.
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merricatblckwood · 3 months ago
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Interview with the vampire season 2 episode 8 The queen of the damned by Anne Rice - The devil's minion chapter Special effects by Larry Cohen
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itwoodbeprefect · 1 month ago
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happy 1 year anniversary to the election results that were so fucked they had me trying to take my mind off of things by watching what seemed like a toxic chinese queerbait show only to find something far more thoughtful and genuinely queer and interesting than expected and end up watching a bunch more unrelated things that are talked about in vaguely the same realms of the internet and then watch bad buddy twice in a row and fall into an endless bingewatch of thai media (some of which is mediocre, some of which is bad, much of which is simply pretty good, and some of which is genuinely incredible) and go, well, it would be a waste of all this language input i'm accidentally giving myself right now if i didn't at least learn a few words. thus accidentally locking myself into watching even more thai media because now i gain serotonin from hearing a sentence i know i could write
#this is about the dutch general elections of 2023. i know another election is probably still on most people's minds#it feels WILD that it's only been a year. and at the same time. the government they eventually formed based on those votes#is still hanging in there. and it feels like THAT's been going on for way longer than a year#*#ah well in happier news! i think it's the way part of me is forever roaming the internet in 2011#but even when a BL (or GL! which is finally picking up!) series is bad. or just boring.#there is something in me that can't help but go !! oh my god? there's a hundred of these out there??#and we can argue definitions and representation and fetishization. but there are So Many queer people working on them these days#and not all but many of these stories are insightful and kind and clever and have a very queer beating heart inside of them#(and there's also something to be said for queer trash tv. that has a place! but i won't get into it)#and this is really truly only a thing of the past few years!!! this did not exist when i was a teen!!!#i'm still so young but i'm EASILY old enough to remember that. and now All Of That is just out there. often on youtube for free#if you are a teen TODAY you don't need to pick between settling for watching tara die on btvs. watching ianto die on torchwood#or watching queer as folk. which is not a knock on qaf but it's not necessarily tv for teens#instead there's like. dozens of queer people on modern western tv! there are ever more queer movies where nobody dies!#and there's just a goddamn fucking impossible-to-watch-in-one-lifetime amount of guaranteed happy end BL series out there#and it's insane!!! that is insane to me!!!#and is also maybe a good thing to remember in current times. things can and do change for the better#sometimes in ways you might not expect. sometimes you might not even know it's happening. but it does
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lokilysolbitch · 6 months ago
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loki is making me have chill hang out time🙄where i chill and watch movies🙄and play games🙄and eat nice snacks🙄and stop having panic attacks every thirty minutes🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
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hsslilly-blog · 7 days ago
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okay so now i'm thinking. wild flowers should be a period piece. i'm not pleased with the title and i'm probably changing it to something else but it's fine for now. but it should be a period piece just not sure what time period it should take place in
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yuriyuruandyuraart · 1 year ago
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bestie bestie have you seen the poltergayst art :D? the sillies!!! ive drawn them!!
im thinkin about drawing killer having like just weird or disturbing features, like his jaw hanging barely attached or something cuz he doesn’t understand Skeleton Monster anatomy and i honestly have so many ideas for this au cackles
yes!!! yes i've seen them >:D
i just arrived home so i'm reblogging them all simultaneously but waa these beans are so interesting to daydream about...
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Like look at him look at our ghostie killie omggg<33333
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daxite · 4 months ago
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i think some of you guys are looking way too fucking deep into the shitty minecraft movie lol
#dax rambles#yes it looks complete fucking garbage but like#wow no way the billion dollar highest-selling game franchise got a terrible movie?#the franchise that has been a cash cow for over a decade?#people going on about how “MINECRAFT IS ABOUT THE UNIVERSE AND LIFE IT IS NOT CRINGE!!!! IT IS HECKIN DEEP AND STUFF!!”#is just so moronic lol#i agree that minecraft -- especially early days -- is very special and has this feeling to it that is weirdly magical and beautiful#but at the end of the day it's a silly fucking block game about creativity (that's a complaint i do agree with for the movie as well)#no minecraft wasn't designed to be this super deep subtly narrative-driven game the end poem doesn't actually mean anything#notch just wanted something weird for the end credits and the guy delievered lol#like obviously people's interpretations of the end poem are great and i love that and feeding into it for the movie would've been kino but#it's so tiring seeing people acting like minecraft is actually this super 2deep4u game when it really is not#again this is a billion-dollar franchise i expected the movie to be slop the moment is was announced i really do not care lmfao#people asking to boycott and shit is fucking hilarious though like it does not even matter at all LOL#like genuinely just who gives a shit it was going to be bad and looks bad if you don't want to see it then don't watch it#originally i was going to see it for a laugh but it just looks so boring not even funny-bad so i'm not bothering lol#not even because i'm “boycotting” i just don't care it looks terrible#saying this as someone who very much grew up with minecraft i've been playing since fucking alpha 1.1.2#and lord knows how much of an impact it made on me for many many reasons LMAO#but yeah no people are reading way too deep into it and getting way too mad over it#it's just kind of ridiculous
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micamone · 9 months ago
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rewatching diehard after so many years is kinda fun like i forgot how annoyed, freaked out, and over his head he is thru the whole thing. it's refreshing
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thatonecrookedsmile · 5 months ago
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Before the month started, I had made my own tierlist of projects and announcements that are/will be shown during the special FNAF anniversary week based on how excited I was/am for them. The highest ones are the ones I'm most interested in and the lowest ones are the ones I'm…not.
I did this at the end of July, and only now did I remember to post it here.
The week is going well, but it's this second half that will be more interesting.
OG Tierlist/Template.
#crookedsmile open his mouth#crookedsmile open his mouth;fnaf#MyPopgoes seems; okay#like; it's alright; the secrets are interesting#but there's not much to say; it's a bit boring I would say#TJOC seems cool!#I don't remember caring much about the original; but the remake seems good!#I still have to watch the end of the demo though#I already have VIP; I just have to read it; maybe I'll read a route today#I'm still going to watch the interview with Scott#I wasn't very interested in it at first#and I had no intention of watching it (I didn't want to hear what he had to say either)#but with some of the things I heard today; maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to spend 1 hour on it#I'm liking the previews for the second movie!#The guys at Jim Henson are doing a great job making the Toys#looking foward to see what else will be teased this week for this#The collab and Steel Wool announcements are in a middle ground where#depending on what is announced I'll be more excited#but at the end of the day the Steel Wool one interests me more#I think I can have a better vision of what could possibly be announced by them; unlike the mysterious collab#(I also still have faith that the collab is with Fortnite; let me DREAM-)#FLAF looks intriguing; I want to check out the demo to get a better idea of ​​the game however#and of course; Into the Pit is the main course; so this project is the one I want to see more#but yeah; like I said; the week is going well! but it's really in this second part where things are going to get more interesting#(also Dawko posted the first episode of FNAF Unsolved and I still have to watch it)#(it's not part of the official anniversary lineup but I still like to consider it here since it was posted this week)
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smowkie · 11 months ago
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✨ 9 favorite films that i watched (for the first time) in 2023 ✨ 
i was tagged by @lena221bee, thank you! i am once again very slow xD
i watched all of 11 films last year, so, uh, yeah.
in no particular order:
Stargate
Strange Way of Life
Barbie
Coco
Everything Everywhere All at Once
Godzilla vs. Kong
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever
Werewolf by Night
Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania
since i'm so late with this, i'm leaving the tags open to anyone who might want to do this
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biracy · 1 year ago
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Tbh I should probably take a break. I almost definitely won't but I should, yknow
#idk i don't have much 'real stuff' happening irl besides like. job hunting and college applications. so it's hard#but i think if i at least ease off some time on here n read a little more n watch more movies i might start to feel better#haven't really liked where my head's been at lately it feels like whatever persona is The One Who Blogs is 'taking over' more#to put it in a very dorky comic book-sounding ass way LMAO but that's how i feel! like i'm losing my own 'voice' yknow#my mental health is Bad my physical health is also Not Great n i kinda feel like ass. if i'm being honest#idk i feel like i'm crashing from whatever high i've been on for the past couple of days n i'm not Really super happy w myself#except the media literacy posts those were good. but like the more discoursey stuff i'm not proud of#again sorry to like. publicly vent LMAO i'll be fine i'm good. i'm trying really hard to pull myself out of this#but again. sorry abt the Shite i was posting earlier today i wasn't really in my own right head#just kinda wanted 2 get all that off my chest idk if it's clear that i don't really have anyone i feel like i can talk to right this moment#i'm very socially isolated irl and i'm so scared of becoming socially isolated online too just bc i'm an idiot who doesn't think b4 he post#NOT to make it sound all about me or whatever but it's true. i'm very very scared of losing people n right now this is My Space#i'd forgotten just how bad it felt. in this Specific case it is kinda my fault tho LMAO don't worry i've apologized as best i know how#okay i'm done. i'm done. i'm gonna go watch tv and go to bed i hope#open mick night
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starpros-sunshine · 1 month ago
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"You just need to lower your expectations" No you don't, actually. Don't let them hand you mediocrity under the excuse that your standards are just too high. Demand more.
#I am SO fed up with todays movie industry#I haven't watched a single good film from this decade or actually one that was made within...ever since the success of bohemian rhapsody#and those egregious disney live action remakes#and every single thing that gets announced these days is a spin-off or a reboot or a remake or a prequel or a sequel#i wouldn't even complain if it was adaptations because those still bring some artistic value to the table#they can at least#but the standards have to be Really high because a bad adaptation is no better than a soulless cash grab#I'm not saying they didn't have a lot of bad films in the 60s either but at least those were bad because they were just badly written#they weren't badly made and a blatant nostalgia cash grab#except the elvis films. those were also cash grabs. BUT THOSE WERE AT LEAST ORIGINAL#"oh but everythings been done already'' Not an excuse.#reduce reuse recycle is not a principle that applies to art#there's still books being written there's still tv shows being made some of them good even#and most of them don't need to tie themselves to a big name#I heard they were planning on making a fred astaire biopic#the thing he explicitly asked not to be done HE EXPLICITLY SAID THAT HE DIDNT WANT THAT IN HIS WILL HE STATED THAT HE DID NOT WANT THAT#IN HIS LITERAL WILL. AS IN THE THING YOU WRITE YOUR FINAL WISHES IN WHEN YOU DIE#AND THEY STILL DIDN'T RESPECT IT#THATS WHAT BEING A LARGELY INFLUENTIAL FIGURE OF THE GOLDEN AGE GETS YOU#I'm fuming I'm so mad#I have a very personal grudge against the genre of the biopic (the only exception being ''Weird: The Al Yankovic Story''#because that one's funny) and I blame this one You Bohemian Rhapsody#that sodding inaccuracy riddled piece of chliché rot#and I will admit that watching it in school was a bit of a formative experience#I don't know if I would be the way I am now if it wasn't for that film because Queens music did a LOT in terms of.#you know. questures. forming my general personality and vibe.#BUT GOD DO I HATE THAT FILM AND EVERYTHING IT STANDS FOR#I'm just very passionate about my motion pictures and my silver screens and all don't mind me don't mind me#sigh
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mayspicer · 4 months ago
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Mmm nothing like a good old full blown panic attack, I haven't had one in years. This time at least I have access to medication to make it stop a lot faster, but I have 6 pills left for the next 2,5 months and the recent trends in my mental state are not looking good.
#majek says shit#very bad year and VERY BAD week#had a new friend over for a few days and they had and encounter with an absolute bed bug infestation a couple days earlier#took all precautions they could and were very serious about the whole thing but were paranoid#something bit my bf on the knee literally the day after she left and we're in overdrive now#I say it's a mosquito because that night there was one in the house that I couldn't cath#but he says thats not how his body reacts to mosquitoes. I'm keeping myself in denial to preserve the little mental health I have left#my body decided that the stress will manifest as itchy hives which is great#we moved everything to my room and I'm going insane#I need my own space to live with someone and we even slept separately for like 2 years because it's better for sleep quality#and now we sleep together which is pretty nice and nicer than I remembered but also I have literally no space mental or physical#I'm unemployed and he works from home#we moved the tv to watch movies in bed and everything is taking so much physical space. my personal space#the house is a mess and my life is a mess and everything seems hopeless#I'm having... anxiety attacks? first once a week now every day. I always thought they were like milder panic attacks#they kinda are. as in they are shorter. and actually about something not the undescribed “watch out!”#but severity is like a panic attack was compressed into a few seconds which feel like I'm standing on the edge of a void pulling me in#it's physical. I have to physically hold on to something or move my body vigorously as if I'm shuffling away#and it lasts literally seconds and I'm fine-ish#my psychiatrist heard about it happening once a week and wrote me a prescription (?) to go to psychiatric hospital#not to stay there but for intensive 5-6h daily three month therapy#and after that visit I started having these attacks daily I think because it got to me that I'm Not Ok#it all started when I started on my new antidepressants and they are helping... but I'm afraid they are breaking something else...#I'm scared that they are#but so much is happening#unemployed for a year. my industry is going to shit. lost my friend who made sure to give me a big package of toxic waste as a farewell gift#so I have no support from anyone who even remotely understands me#unemployment means rejection over and over because I'm trying...#and this week exhausted me socially on top of everything. and the bed bugs threat. it's good I at least have xanax when it gets like today#oh also I'm turning 30 in a month. this is going to be great for job opportunities I can feel it
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inkskinned · 1 month ago
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you said you were stuck in a time loop, which was fine. i feel like late-stage capitalism has us all in a time loop, ammiright? you came barging in at 5:33. in the morning. i hadn't even processed the idea of coffee.
but you had this look of utter panic in your eyes. terror like the ocean. you grabbed my cheeks. im in a time loop.
i don't know why in movies the first reaction is to deny it. when someone is panicking like that, it's not appropriate to ask them to calm down. it didn't matter if i believed it, what mattered was that you believed it so much that it was consuming you.
so here we are. i pour you some of the dark roast. "you look like utter and entire hell," i say.
you push your fingers into your eyes. "you always say that."
i try to think of something funny to say that i wouldn't have said on previous time loops, but jokes don't land without the proper timing (lol). "remind me to think -"
"-yeah, of a joke that only works in the future. and before you say anything, i know you're pissed i just stole your punchline." you bolt the coffee, which is wild. it's very hot. you don't seem to notice.
i blow on mine to cool it down. i both am very pissed at you and also i can't see you in this amount of panic without wanting to help. but i'm also not really sure what we are, not since i saw you kiss her like that, no offense. it just was like, kind of rude when you knew i liked you.
and besides. i'm just like, barely a person. i write omegaverse fanfiction. i love the concept of a time loop, but what the fuck am i gonna do? send an alpha in there? i open my mouth.
you point at me. "you're about to ask why me. and then say some disparaging shit about yourself. i'm just a nerd who plays dnd or something. that self-own is slightly different each time." you sigh. "i know you think you can't really help me. i don't know who can help me. i only came to you because you fucking believe me." you check your watch, sigh, and throw your head back. you cover your eyes with one hand. "i've come here on 26 separate revolutions," you say. "you have believed me every time. and yeah, i have no idea how you fit into this but i just -" you sigh again. "i just like fucking talking to someone about it."
"do you need more cof-" i start, but you're already holding the empty cup out. i frown at it. "you're not getting any more until you promise not to bolt this one like an animal."
you laugh a little and sit up, pushing your hair out of your face. "okay, that's new dialogue. but to be fair to you, i'm not usually this rude. i'm still pretty new at all of this." you check your watch again. another sigh. i guess you're cruising for a personal best in the Sigh Olympics.
i almost tell you im not an NPC but i've played enough video games to know i'm very much an NPC. i pour you another cup. "so what happens in the loop?"
"really bad explosion." you mutter into the mug. you put your elbows on the table (rude) and bury your face in your arms like an angsty teenager. one hand floats up while you talk, because evidently you literally can't talk without your hands. "i have to save the day and there's this bomb and i have no bomb training and it keeps moving, you know."
"do i die?"
you peek up from your arms. "yeah. bigtime. you keep trying to run or stay or do anything and you always super die."
"oh."
"to be fair, like, everyone dies in it though.... so you're in good company."
i hate that you make me laugh. i hate that being around you always feels tingly and strange, this electric tension between us. something that is evidently (given how you stuck your tongue down a stranger's throat literally 3 days ago) (well. 3 for me) super one-sided. i take a sip of my coffee and close my eyes.
i die today, i guess. a little spark of panic starts at the top of my hands and starts whipping up my wrists.
"shit," you say. you look at your watch and jump to your feet. "i have to go. if i can come back, i will. i am still trying to figure out when is best to do everything, you know? the order of stuff. maybe morning isn't good for us."
i look up at you and think about how you keep kissing me in the back of my car and in alleyways and in the dark. and i can never fucking get a read on you. and i also think about how incredibly panicked you look. how broken. how long have you been doing this? "i don't want to die," i say.
you glance downwards. "well, you're not really dead, you'll come back in the loop."
"but i will have died." my hands are shaking. i am trying really hard to stay calm.
you push your hands through your hair again. "i really have to go. i will have this discussion with the next version of you, though. it is like, something i am thinking about."
"but i don't get a next version," i say. i don't really have the language for this, because i haven't had 26 tries with you. i only have my memories: you, a week ago. drunk and telling me you loved me in my ear. you, kissing her anyway. you, months ago, throwing up on my birthday, whispering to me i ruin everything i touch, always, over and over. please don't ask. i can't ever fucking have that be you.
i run my finger along the rim of the mug. "i don't want to die in this one."
you seem baffled by this. "i get that but - time will reset, you'll be fine, you won't even remember we talked about this."
"but i know now." i stand up too. "i have to live the rest of this day knowing i could die. knowing i probably am going to."
"you could always die, to be fair."
i feel my hands get out of control. "earlier, you said i always say a different insult about myself. what if you're just going through different parallel universes and those are all just different - but real - versions of myself? what if you're not in a time loop, you're in a fucking universe loop?"
"if it helps, i've wondered this too. also, you're hot in all of them. if that helps."
i point at you. "no flirting. i'm trying to figure out if i die today."
"who's flirting?" you catch my wild hands and give me that long, perfect smile. like we're in this together. "i won't let ya die." you check your watch and sigh again. "well. maybe not this time."
i grit my teeth. you are so not making quips at me while i try to explain the existential dread i'm having. "does the time loop reset if i fucking kill you?"
"honestly i don't know how long it continues after i die, because i just wake up. it could be that the loop goes until the explosion for everyone, and we're all in the loop, or it could be that when i die, the loop restarts. when i die i wake up, is all."
i pull away from you and stalk into the kitchen and start doing all 3 of my dishes. "okay, first, you know i was joking. and secondly, this is exactly my point. you don't know if this is just a parallel universe. maybe in the ones where you died, the explosion happened and nobody reset and it's just you travelling." i have to stop and push the heel of my palm into my eyeball. "... how often have you died?"
i look at you. you look at me. you give me this very sad, halfway smile and a little what can ya do shrug. something in that action seems so old and weary that i want to burst into tears.
"i have to go," you say. "really. for real. there's this family of five i save from getting into a car crash. and i know it's like oh but we're all gonna die in the explosion anyway, what's the point. and..." you shrug again. "it matters to me, is all. at least i saved them for now. at least i saved anything."
you pad over to me and wrap me in a tight hug. you always seem so tall against me. i feel your cheek rest against the top of my head for a moment. for a second, it's just us, and the space is warm, and my heart is a little broken hare.
you leave me there, and i stand in my stupid badly lit kitchen with my stupid mugs. i think about you. i start texting my mom that she needs to get out of the city, but it feels pointless.
i don't know what to do. tomorrow is the same day for you. but i have to prepare to die in my today.
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