#(i am not being normal about one single thing)
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Okay I might have to smash my head into a rock u are so very wonderful I love you tysm for the tag <33
With that being said, @platedpixels for all the positivity I literally love you marry me
@iandoubt bestie. Partner in crime. Love your art but I love our shenanigans more
@julia-writes-things MY MANAGER MY ALL MY MUTUAL !!!! ALWAYS OPEN TO RANT AND YELL AND TALK ABOUT THINGS ILY <33
@appleblocks great art I love seeing it on my dash I eat it up every. Single. Time.
@greyscaleplays love seeing you in my notifs <333 Also very cool username not worth much but worth mentioning
@insert-artist-here literally just a constant in my notes, such a big supporter, and their ART!!!!!! marry me
@aroacewithsleeves another huge supporter!!! Seeing you in my notifs makes me smile tysm for liking my dumb posts and letting me bother you <333
@moss-moths-eyes-and-whimsy YET ANOTHER SUPPORTER!!! ALWAys likes and reblogs my posts even when they're totally dumb and I really appreciate it so so much
@fernthesilly THE ART!!!!! THE. ART. I cannot express my utter love for their art it's so so so good. The style the colors the sketch asdkfkkg
@jupiterrr-art has such an adorable little art style and always likes my post I love you pookie
@ajthepeach SO UNDERRATED. the art on this blog is IMPECCABLE I love it so stinking much. It's a crime that more people don't follow them. Jail time.
Anyways that's all I can think of for now, if I forgot you I'm so sorry I swear ily <333 also I normally don't do this but I decided to do this one so hopefully I am forgiven for all the ones I skipped <33
positivity train!
if you see this or are tagged in it, tag a couple of your favorite mutuals/blogs and let them know you appreciate seeing them on your dash!
@h0neysugarfree @blueberrylovv @bequiteanddriveeeeeee @cherri-bomb-bomb @eg0mechan1c @fatrexicisback
#mutuals#tag game#i normally dont do these but i did this one so maybe this will make up for all the ones i didnt do
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do you have any headcanons about the other gods?
Lol naturally hehe (that's also so much lmao)
I think I'll just try to add one for each Olympian besides Athena and add links if I already made bigger posts about them. (The non-EPIC gods might get a little shorter)
Zeus: Makes the biggest gestures, in debate, at dinner, just whenever he's talking. It's great for who's sitting next to him (usually Hera and Athena respectively) bc who doesn't love being almost hit in the face every two seconds?
Poseidon: Involves himself in arguments all. the. time. Nobody cared, nobody asked, he knows like half of the facts and has no idea what the problem is but SURE shout along.
Hades: A lot more measured and chill than his brothers, but lets himself be drawn into debates and he CAN get pretty heated if the arguments get too nonsensical.
Hera: Has a massive garden and tends to it herself. It has a peacock fountain and stuff, it's really beautiful.
Demeter: Will 100% cry if she gets a gift from one of the kids.
Hestia: The best. Gives people a bit too much space sometimes. Like, yes, all her nieces and nephews are stubborn but some of them really could need a venting session or a hug down the line, but she just leaves them be. (It is not her responsibility but she wouldn't mind them venting, she just assumes they'll come themselves)
Athena post here.
Hephaestus: Is actually a really good singer (we're not talking musical world rules where everyone can sing, normal world) Like mostly it's too loud in the forge but he sings to himself anyway and he has a good voice.
Aphrodite: Is an amazing swimmer. Basing this on her ocean-born creation myth even though I am more of a fan of her being Zeus' kid for my own version. For the same reason, I always picture her with pearls
Ares post here.
Artemis: In council, I believe she's the most confrontational actually. Yes, more than Athena. Athena lies to get what she wants. Artemis doesn't live on Olympus, she just comes for the council meetings so she might as well speak her mind even if it means the meeting is even more chaos than normal. In general, she never backs down from what she believes in.
Apollo post here.
Hermes: God of eavesdropping and gossip. Seriously. Do you really have to know every single thing that's going on? Also I think his funny persona is a coping mechanism but it's so deeply ingrained it would be literally impossible to shed.
Dionysus: Randomly says the most insightful shit you've ever heard. Like, Athena is speechless levels of deep stuff. Like... is it because of the drugs or is he on drugs because otherwise his being would transcend the universe, we will never know.
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Okay that was fun hope you enjoyed :D
#epic the musical#tasha asks#greek mythology#greek gods#athena#zeus#epic zeus#poseidon#epic poseidon#hades#hera#epic hera#demeter#hestia#ares#epic ares#epic aphrodite#aphrodite#hephaestus#epic hermes#epic hephaestus#hermes#apollo#epic apollo#artemis#dionysus#greek mythology headcanon#epic headcanon
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oh my god wait that post has taken over every one of my waking thoughts. buck being like this relationship is going to be my last it WILL be my last i will do everything in my power to make it my last and for every joking little instance of bratty behaviour buck would throw at eddie when they were just best buds hanging out (that eddie knew damn well how to take) buck is going to tamp that part of himself down and down and down under the guise of buck 5.0 and he will do his best to be so so perfect there will be Nothing wrong with him he will give eddie not a single reason to find fault (this is an inherently flawed premise as fault is not a thing that exists for eddie when it comes to buck) and anyway do i have any idea how this arc will resolve? not at all but i DO know it will end with certified brat buck diaz (bc that is who he IS software updates begone) being his most authentic self with his brat tamer gentle rehabilitation pet owner husband eddie. as you can see i am not normal about this what are your thoughts
god!!!!!!!!! and eddie at first before he realizes what's going on being like WHO is this pod person who has replaced my best friend. what is going on. why did you turn into a different human as soon as we started having sex buck, are you okay? and buck will be spiraling and he will be freaking out and saying 🙂 everything's fine eddie! 🙂 i'm fine! 🙂 are you fine? 🙃 (mentally blowing himself up with one thousand exploding hammers) and then eddie will say ohhh okay. i see what's happening here. and he'll find gentle ways to coax real buck out of the hard candy shell of Boyfriend Buck that he's currently being confronted with, including but not limited to enlisting chris to call buck a freak to his face every time he does something out of character
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OUROBOROS
Set after session 3. I am so normal about them lol
Now that it isn’t going to kill him, Etho grabs his snail and runs to a small corner in his copper home. After all of that, he needs something to hold, as well as the sweet metallic sting that emanates from his walls, to ground him.
He doesn’t know why he’s freaking out like this, but it’s probably the cows. The cows that he killed. The cows that burned Tango’s house down. The cows that sent Scar on a goose chase, exacting revenge on the wrong people. Yeah, it’s the cows causing Etho this whole hullabaloo.
He can hear Bdubs complaining in his own stone mausoleum of a house next door.
(Earlier, he had caught wind that Bdubs hadn’t done anything remotely ‘tough’ to the Bam trio, and it got him points on that silly board of theirs. Wasn’t it Bdubs who had suggested they target them? Him who brought up the idea of being the Tuff Guys in the first place; placed himself as leader? Bdubs who, completely out of character, had said that alliances meant nothing?)
Etho tries to block out the noise, take in the feeling of grass underneath him, the residual smell of smoke in the air. In front of him, his snail moves in circles, unsure where its directive has gone. Back to the cows. Unfairly, he had killed them. Unfair is the wrong word here- cruelly? Definitely cruel more than unfair; unfair means he did it to an advantage on his part. Etho wasn’t doing it for the advantage, he was doing it for-
(Last season, he would’ve been doing it for Grian and Cleo. Season before that, for Skizz and Tango and Impulse. Before, before…)
The muffled voice of Bdubs makes itself clear for a single moment: something about sick satisfaction. He’s either complaining about Grian, or he’s yelling at the man himself. If anyone talked back, Etho couldn’t hear it. The snail is still going in circles.
(Funny, how the brain will focus on the things you don’t want to hear. Funny, too, how cyclical everything is, when it involves him. Funnily enough, his mind conjures the snake eating its own tail, the one with venom dripping from puncture wounds.)
Etho grips the grass underneath him and lets go, once, twice. The past few days haven’t seen a drop of rain, which means everything had turned a weird, dead yellow just before this session. A hollow huff forces its way out of his chest, body naturally laughing at the patterns in everything. The snail, for the first time, expresses a layer of depth more than directive and changes direction, heading towards the door. He watches it go towards the parched fields.
Etho breaths in, holds, breathes out. Pushes himself up onto unsteady feet, holds onto the oxidizing wall for support. Pushes off of that too. Listens once more- Bdubs has stopped shouting, and now the gentle quiet of nature has returned to the air. The weight that was sending him spiraling has left him, along with his need to question why.
(Because it had taken all of 10 minutes for him and Bdubs to get into their first argument of the season. Because he keeps thinking about horses, and cows, and snails and snakes biting their own tails until they choke. Because once upon a time, he had half-promised some semblance of protection, and it literally blew up in his face. Because neither of them know how to be without the other, it always goes bad for both. Because Etho cannot stop reviving something that has been dead for years.)
He opens his eyes, and walks away, towards the family he was promised.
#woosh writes#wild life smp#ethoslab#bdoubleo100#traffic smp#ethubs#<- kinda?????#toxic relationship#<- absolutely#life series#life series fic
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Jack & Joker episode 10 thoughts on P'Oh's death
I saw a poster who said they were abandoning the show because of their treatment of Trans characters (Their examples: making P'Saran's character Nulek the butt of a joke and killing off P'Jennies character P'Oh quite gruesomely.) And while I completely understand that this is a sensitive topic, especially right now, where Trans rights are being attacked in many if not almost all parts of the world and the result of the US-election does not bode well for a fair and inclusive future (and as you don't know me, let me emphasize: Trans rights are human rights, end of story!), I cannot agree in this instance. Loooong-ass Essay under the cut, be warned!
First of all, Thai culture is a special case as far as gender, gender identity and gender expression goes, both historically and in the progressive movements that are happening both in Thai society and in the entertainment (specifically the BL) industry. You simply cannot judge it solely by Western (or even other Asian) cultural conventions and standards, and by viewing it even more exclusively through an USA-centric perspective you are not doing anyone any favors.
I think that everyone watching Thai BLs regularily at least knows a little about the underlying cultural issues and practices, but for those who would like to learn more, I would recommend reading Dr. Thomas Baudinette's extremely fascinating and well-researched book Boys Love Media in Thailand (https://thomasbaudinette.com/boys-love-media-in-thailand-2022-3/) , where he also touches on the development of presenting trans and genderqueer characters in Thai TV and film (though only up until 2021/22, and the last two years have seen significantly more progress, diversity and inclusivity in Thai media both in front of and just as if not more importantly, behind the camera.) It's a great read, and I'm looking forward to the updated edition coming out next year. Or at least read a Wikipedia article or two about the subject if you haven't already, it's extremely interesting!
Now secondly, I want to take a look at the narrative. First of all, the two trans/genderqueer characters mentioned above are not the only ones in the show. We have Nulek's friend Pharao, Joke's disguise as Jessie (not a girl but a genderqueer person in drag, and emphatically NOT a caricature), Arun as a femme character and not to forget P'Oh's business – and maybe life – partner, a Trans man. Neither of them has been singled out, ridiculed or punished for their not conforming to any hetero- or cisnormative standards in the story (except for Arun by his dad, and nowhere is this presented as anything but reprehensible behaviour by a father). They are normal people struggling with social injustice and mundane problems, like anyone else. Which brings me to the first of the two instances mentioned, Nulek. While I understand that leaving them at a trash heap (I think we all can agree that getting them out of the way was just a plot thing that needed to happen) might raise some hackles, they are not the only one left there. The – very cismale – driver that Joke impersonated was also left at the landfill, so it is maybe not all that symbolic? Especially because Nulek and Arun's other subordinate Pharao get their comeuppance later on when they get their wonderfully petty revenge on their fallen boss. They have gained agency, rightfully enjoy their upper hand and are again not being ridiculed by the narrative.
And now P' Oh, played by the wonderful P'Jennie. I am horribly saddened by her senseless death, angry and frustrated, because it was so preventable and unfair, but her being Trans is not the most important part here IMO. She was trying, she was struggling, she was failing, she was succeeding, she was funny and sassy and beautiful and a smart businesswoman, and she was the only character apart from the mains, Toi Ting and Ama (who were not spared, either), whose death would send a big enough shockwave through the community to finally rattle them into fighting back (but also leave the mains able to function and not utterly paralyse them in grief). That's why neither Toi Ting's dad nor Tattoo's mom were viable options. P'Oh was respected and liked in her community. Having her die was dark as fuck, but narratively speaking IMO necessary, and she didn't die because she was Trans. She died because she was the only character whose death would have the right amount of repercussions. So I cannot agree with the other poster that killing her was "shitting on Trans women". Really not.
Thirdly, we have to leave the show and look beyond, behind the camera. These people are longtime collaborators and by all accounts great friends and business partners. P'Jennie is a star who has written lakorn and BL history with her roles. There is nothing but love and respect for her from the makers of the show, you can be sure of that. And I would really like to hear her speak about her character and her role here. And Nuleks actor P'Saran and their friend Pharao have been collaborating with War, Yin and their managers since the first En of Love Anthology in 2019/20. YWPBs managers P'Go and P'Aun themselves can be read as femme. YWPBs work environment and the people they choose to collaborate with seem to be progressive, inclusive, diverse and definititely neither cisheteronormative nor tone-deaf to social issues, as we can see in all their works and public presence. Even more so in War and Yin themselves and in what they choose to say, do and stand for publicly. Are they all perfect? No (who is?), but it seems to me that they are trying really hard to do what's right.
So while I of course understand why someone could be triggered, angry and disappointed at what they see as yet another instance of a Trans character being treated unfairly, I would argue that here this anger might be misdirected and this reading neither does justice to the characters, the narrative, the actors and makers of this show nor to the very real issues Trans and genderqueer people still face in Thailand and around the world.
If you made it this far, thank you for reading my essay/rant and I would be extremely interested in what you have to say in return!
#jack and joker ep 10#jack & joker#Jack and Joker#OP if you're reading this#I absolutely respect your choice!#These are just some further thoughts I had on the subject#I hated the way The Eight Sense treated a Trans character and it made me side-eye the makers hard#So I get it!
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You're making a statistics error here. You're forgetting to normalize for the fact that the total number of votera in 2024 vs 2020 went down, and that the loss was all on one side. None of these demographic shifts represent new Trump votes, not a single one. The increases in Trump's share of the voting portion of a demographic do not correspond to him gaining more votes from those demographics, they correspond to the Democrats losing votes that Trump did not gain.
We can even see the demographic neutrality of this in the very things you point out, which is that all of these demographics are hovering around 3% to low teens% losses. Which is exactly what you would expect if Trump's voters didn't change at all and Harris lost an average of 15% of her voters, uniformly across these demographics. You would expect to see all of her demographics drop by about 7.5%, with a large amount of fluctuation as you narrow it down to specific demographics because of the limited sample sizes so far.
No disrespect meant to you, but I think I am starting to understand why the incredibly obvious statistics of this election are being lost on so many people. Because no one freaking understands statistics.
Trump having an increase in the share of a demographic is not the same thing as him getting more votes from that demographic. And if people don't understand this, this explains so much about the takes I have been seeing.
are we overthinking the Trump victory?
From America’s Democrats to Britain’s Tories, Emmanuel’s Macron’s Ensemble coalition to Japan’s Liberal Democrats, even to Narendra Modi’s erstwhile dominant BJP, governing parties and leaders have undergone an unprecedented series of reversals this year. The incumbents in every single one of the 10 major countries that have been tracked by the ParlGov global research project and held national elections in 2024 were given a kicking by voters. This is the first time this has ever happened in almost 120 years of records.
It may well be that Trump lost in 2020 mostly because people blamed him for their job losses and other difficulties during the pandemic, and now Harris has lost because people blamed Biden for price gouging post-pandemic.
That doesn't mean other factors weren't in play -- Harris's race and gender, for example -- but it might mean that there was nothing she or any candidate could have done to change the overall outcome.
It also doesn't mean that there isn't a general rightward swing in politics across the world, but the Tories got their asses beat in the last election, and the vote share for whatever the fuck UKIP's calling itself these days didn't account for that much of it. It was just a straightforward "we don't like where you've brought us, we'll try the other lot."
Maybe that's where the vast majority of voters are at, actually: discontented and ignorant rather than malicious. It's not going to make the next four years any easier, materially speaking, but it's a little bit reassuring that I'm not surrounded by actual Nazis.
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
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something something "Why on earth would you believe that [I hated your violin playing]?" "Because you said literally said that to me once, dad!" something something children remember the fucked up things their parents do or say like major historic events, while parents forget them like average tuesdays...or something
#ted lasso wednesdays#could actually say People (not just kids) remember the fucked up things said/done to them but the doers forget like it was no biggie#anyway i'm being totally normal about it all. totally normal about ted lasso and totally normal about everything#(i am not being normal about one single thing)#ted lasso#ted lasso spoilers#ted lasso season 3#ted lasso 3x10#nate shelley#nathan shelley#beloved wonder kid#sweet little grey haired man. so happy to watch our beloved wonder kid finally say so many things he has needed to say for so long
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They're soulmates in every single universe and I miss them at the most random times.
#my characters#haha funny thing is that venus doesnt even exist in base plot she is ONLY for AUs#in base plot ego the ginger guy is a prince and serenity the navy haired guy is an energy alien#and serenity takes on the form of a human to be fake engaged to ego and its never meant to actually end up with them married#but serenity falls in love with the prince and feels immense guilt when they meet up#and then ego is like HAHA YEAH my life is the greatest cause i get to marry my best friend but technically youre best friend by default#since i have zero other friends because i cannot leave the castle which kinda sucks but whatever#and serenity can give his life force to others to keep them healthy and usually stops by to heal egos younger brother#so he looks tired a lot bc he is depleting his own life to help others#and and in au versions hes just chronically tired and very much in love with ego who is completely oblivious#and half the time they (bc theyre mine) are pining mutually thinking ahaha theres no WAY hed like me#or in egos case a lot of the time in the au its what if he only likes me cause i spoil him rotten bc im super wealthy and i love gifting#and serenity ! in base plot since he is an alien from like... space.... basically... another realm#he resides with another royal family in a different kingdom and the king there treats him like a son#which plays into the au versions where serenity is adopted and he just really loves his dad a lot#like really admires the man who adopted him and raised him as a single father who almost always has a connection to egos dad since#in base theyre just two kings being buddies and trying to get good relations between their kingdoms#but anyway ego is one of the few ocs i have that will actively say#I LOVE YOU SO MUCH : D very openly and i love that for him??#not a lot of my ocs will be that open about their feelings but ego is very good at communication and talking and stuff#compared to serenity who is an alien who doesnt even have to talk where he originated bc the aliens are just blue energy blobs#and they sense each other and communicate silently#so making him take a human form is like MMMM not sure how to interact like a normal human tbh#i owe art to one person then i am able to get back to indulgent stuff for me and reqs and stuff#this was just so i had something to post today since idk if the art i owe someone will be cool to post or not
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Continuing to revisit persona 5. Was examining fanfic stats before and after royal coming out and I still find it insane how much pr that game did for akechi
#The change in shipping statistics from 2017-2020 to 2020-present is crazy#I am sorry for living under a rock and somehow never noticing how popular akechi was... I am 'caught up' now...#Okay I'm being normal now. I'm thinking about other things. I am not going to spend weeks obsessing over a single character again (lying)#I really should play one of the other persona games... But also I don't want to... They're so long...................#I'm also just not the type of person to play unrelated games in a series if I don't feel like it....
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thinking about that "there's nowhere for me to hide" quote that's been going around and the fact that it's actually the opposite. i know he's mostly talking about writing and yes when it comes to am he's the one doing (most of) the lyrical work on records as opposed to tlsp where him and miles are 50-50 and they have a whole different creative process than he does with am. but when it comes to being on stage, performing with am is actually the time he hides most. perhaps exactly because he's up there alone as a frontman, hence the need to "protect" himself by putting on a persona, a mask that can be conveniently taken off once he's hopped off stage (a theme that has been widely explored in the last albums, but really it's been there his whole discography - including obviously tlsp with the bourne identity and also his solo work with songs such as hiding tonight). but when he's up there on stage with miles, and miles is "up there singing with [him]", he says it gives him somewhere to hide because that 50-50 ratio that comes with writing translates to their stage presence as well. however one could argue that it's that same equal ratio that makes it so that he doesn't, in fact, hide at all when it comes to tlsp performances, and especially eycte era ones. because the knowledge that not all attention is on him, but rather distributed equally on the both of them, added to the reassurance that having miles there gives him, results in what is maybe his most genuinely maskless behaviour, of which we've seen countless examples during the 2016 tour. and although one could also say that that one, too, could partly be a persona in and of itself, the point still stands - he might be hiding in different ways depending on whether he's up there as the am or tlsp frontman, but being two halves of a whole with miles certainly didn't give him more of a hiding place. on the contrary.
#thoughts that haunt me while i'm trying to take a Normal&Peaceful Shower TM#mind you this isn't even about milex i just find it very interesting how he talks about being able to hide when he's up there with miles >#> as opposed to am. because bruh. that is the furthest thing from hiding we've seen on tour in 2016#those were some of the most genuine antics/shenanigans/smiles/behaviours he's ever shown in 20+ years of career#it was just a man being silly with his best friend. not a single thought behind those eyes. except maybe one-- [gunshots]#but yeah it was just real. and he's real eith am too it's just. in a different way#something was in the air in 2015/2016 that made him not worry about putting on a mask and we'll never know what it really was#and i think that's incredibly interesting#alex turner#arctic monkeys#tlsp#ramblings#btw while reading this you have to imagine me putting him under a microscope. to study him
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I know it’s international asexuality day and we’re supposed to be proud of being ace and all. But idk. That’s hard when I really really hate that I’m ace. Being a cisgender heteroromantic sex-repulsed ace is not exactly a fun or positive experience for me. It is just me feeling lonely and defective and wrong all the fucking time. Like that’s genuinely great for all the aces and aro people out there who love it and can take pride in it. You’re valid and you’re not broken and I’m happy for you that you can embrace and celebrate this part of your identity, I genuinely am. But for me personally, I would give just about anything to not be ace, I hate it so much. Being ace has never not once done a single good for me.
#I’m sorry#but I just want to be normal#Yeah yeah yeah I know internalized acephobia and all that#but idk#being ace has genuinely never resulted in a single good thing for me#very very hard not to hate it when it only ever makes life more difficult for you#idk maybe it’s just that it combines with my other trauma and shit but like#I still hate it and would give almost anything to not be this way#I want to be lovable#I want to be able to be in a normal healthy romantic relationship#instead of being terrified of them and sabotaging everything because the person will want to have sex#And the thought of having sex with anyone is literally panic inducing#Anyways#please ignore me#im just being emo and sad#Because I have such an intense crush on someone right now#And I can’t pursue it because I’m ace and he’d want things from me and I’m just. I just can’t#I can’t even talk about being ace to people because no one gets it and it makes me soo uncomfortable to have to talk about it or explain it#so yeah he’s so nice and I really really really like him. But like every other of the few times I’ve been romantically attracted to someone#I’m not gonna act on it because I’m fucking ace and I’m gonna be alone my whole fucking life#Because no one would ever want to be with me given the way I am#God#sorry please just ignore me#Personal
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I went into bg3 fully ready to have a good time and have done so despite many ways in which the game is not good and have not worried too much over various dramas about patch changes but my chill streak has finally ended and I am wailing gnashing my teeth etc. about patch 7 (the supposedly final one with story/content changes) not adding companion reactivity for any of the durge content in act 2
#gotta regain my chill about this. it doesn't change the good version of bg3 that exists in my head#but like. durge is literally the protagonist character. and a huge chunk of story is just bizarrely missing from act two#all the baddies recognize you and no one reacts#warden says you were an important guest no one reacts#kressa says she had a great time torturing you for weeks no one reacts#and it's so misaligned with companion reactivity for everything else. like#I am one of those players who goes around the camp circle talking to every single companion after anything even mildly important happens#to hear the couple of lines of dialogue they have about it#because they've got a couple of lines of dialogue about every plot development and significant moment in other companion storylines!#but they don't have a single word for enormous central plotline revelations about the player character#it makes the act 3 reactions bizarre too because everyone's shocked by what gortash says and it's like#literally everyone in moonrise was like 'oh hey it's you again' what did you THINK 😭#a lot of people complain about the resist!durge final scene after killing orin being lackluster#and yeah sure I feel it's lacking in a few ways but like. at least it exists.#a cutscene does play and afterwards the companions do react. ymmv on whether those reactions are impactful or fitting#but they do--crucially--exist#whereas in act 2 there is straight up nothing#when people say right in front of the companions 'hello fellow villain fancy seeing you back here again'#there is not even so much as a 'dude are you okay' after kressa talks about keeping durge prisoner and torturing them#okay okay it's fine I'm getting it out of my system I'm gonna be normal about this again#the companions had reactions in the good version that exists in my head 😔#scribblingface plays bg3#okay actually also like larian has made so many changes based on fans complaining a lot about something#often changes that made the complaining people happy but pissed off everyone who already liked the current version#not weighing in on the merit of various specifics but it has struck me as a sometimes odd and unwise degree of#listening to what the players want. like just tell your story and accept that some parts won't please everyone#but THIS THING is universally agreed on by every durge player#because it's not something 'wrong' it's something completely absent that should have been there in order to align with the rest of the game#and yet. we don't get this change in the final update.
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It's insane how most of the time I don't get how ppl interact and I also Don't Fucking Care
#vent ig#i wish i could#but unfortunately i havent had the occasion of sharing one of my interest with you in the past three months and when i did it didnt go as i#wanted and now we're supposed to talk through smalltalks except i dont know how to do those so im awkward as hell and unconsciously cut the#short and now im being hated (?) even tho that wasnt my intent#but i guess no matter how trustful i am i just look like a liar#and i cant even bring myself to care bc how am i supposed to explain myself when youre convinced what i say is a lie#we werent even supposed to be this close so sorry if im stiff. i tried to get along but i just cant#the never ending circle between 'i want to have ppl to interact with being alone to experience this world is exhausting and dreadful' and#'im not even remotely interested by any of you'#its different on tumblr bc i can curate my own experience & nobody comes @ me when i dont interact with them for days or weeks (BC IVE GOT#NOTHING TO SAY) and its okay and its normal and we dont have to do the 'hi how are you wyd' script every single time (sure we can check up#on each other once in a while but it doesnt become a script. it feels genuine.)#anyway. im so normal. i can def care about ppl that have never been as insane as me about something we both love(d at some point)#am pretty sure i developed 'i perceived you saying/thinking One(1) bad thing about me and now i dont care at all about your existence' as#a child as a coping mechanism but goddammit i feel like an asshole everytime it happened#i hate feeling apathetic#and i hate lying too so i cant just say shit to reassure them when i dont mean them#cant tell them im sorry about how my behavior is perceived when im so damn tired and would rather they disappear of my life
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Misc. photos from the past year or so ~
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1. napping bapy boye sneeping on his own foot as if it were a pillow#2. The little primrose that I have seems to bloom sporadically all year around as long as I bring it inside and don't let it freeze#in the winter. This was a flower that came up randomly like mid november lol#3. Rainbow where you can see a little bit of a second rainbow near the bottom of it :0#4. CHILDREN.... love to see them.....#5. Halloween Candy ranking tierlist. not important enough to post on it's own. so throwing it in with one of these I guess lol#I am also not really a candy person at all and prefer bready stuff like cakes rather than chocolate bars (if I even have to have sweets#at ALL which usually I prefer savory food). I suspect the apple is controversial but.. I do love apples .... huzzah#actually am having applle and peanut butter snack right now as I'm writing this lol#6. Various bowls/cups/etc. that I got from a store at COMPLETELY different times like.. years apart from each other#yet at some point realized that they all mostly match in paint color and seem to be part of the same pattern#But I totally didnt make that connection until a few years ago when I was putting up dishes. I just bought them all invidually because it's#like 'oh cool! a cat' *1 year later* 'oh cool! a cat!' etc. lol.. I guess it must be a popular design if it's been around being sold that#long.#7. carne asada burrito and matcha bubble tea... oughhgh.... again one of my very rare meals where I actually go and get something..#probably my favorite meal currently. Something about the Chronic Anemia makes me crave beef burritos madly despite only having one#maybe twice a year or so ghjbhj.. plus the beans.... onions.... many of my Diet Forbidden foods... Also of course the little aishas#are there.... somehow they shall split the meal together even though it's like 10x bigger than their bodies.. they are also hungry#and vastly anemic... huzzah to them...#8. I've had this shirt for a long time but it fits very weird so I can never find a way to use it in outfits?? But I recently had#an appointment where a doctor needed to be able to look at my back and it's one of the only actual Shirts that I have (mostly i just own#long robes or tunics or jumper dress type of things that would be hard to lift up or etc. like... I dont even own a single normal 't-shirt'#or anyting aside from one giant tshirt that I sleep in in the summer lol.) So I wore this there.. I forget how much I love the pictures on#it.. how pleasant... little hummingbird... AND I think one of the flowers is supposed to be columbine ... !#photo diary
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Life is so hard for me as a queer person who is not interested in ch*ppell r*an for just very normal not deranged reasons, because if people ask and I say "no I don't really like her" then I am running the very high risk of being perceived as either a lesbian hater or one of those online freaks who thinks she "doesn't deserve fame" because she doesn't want literal stalkers at her door, but if I say yes then I will have to sit through her entire discography at every function 😮💨
#personal#the tone of this is a joke but the sentiment is kinda genuine#god she is such a crazy talented singer#her voice is so so fucking good she is divine#and what she is doing for the queer community and specifically lesbians#the way shes bringing so much positive representation into the forefront of popular media#and the way shes shining such a bright light on drag as an artform - especially at a time when so many people are calling it depraved#and predatory#shes doing wonderful amazing things for the queer community and for women in music#i just simply dont like the style of music she makes#and i am not interested in her individual personality (as it does NOT specifically relate to lesbianism) from what ive seen in interviews#but this is all in a normal healthy 'oh that artist just isnt my cup of tea' sort of way but that cant exist rn#aside from this one post lamenting about my plight i dont bring my dislike up where it is undue#i dont go around commenting on posts about her telling people who are clearly enjoying her work how wrong they are#but she is a very hot topic especially among almost every single human being i know#because almost every single human being i know is queer#so she does come up in conversation a lot around me and i have to weigh my input carefully
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