#(god why do i expose myself like this online)

[whos-hotter-jjba]

Hottest Stand Battle - Preliminary Match 3

Stand abilities under the cut:

Mandom: Mandom grants Ringo the ability to rewind time six seconds in the past.

November Rain: It has the ability to summon rain showers that Jodio can selectively make crushingly heavy. It can control the rain's destructive power throughout the entire course of the fall, since Jodio is able to make the raindrops seep through a carpet without tearing it while still breaking the concrete floor beneath.

[moth-ink]

''Off-The-Clock Paycheck.''

AURON x FINACIALLY CHALLENGED!READER

Summary: (GN!)Rook is struggling financially and is way too proud to ever accept help or complain to her boss, lover (and sugar daddy, he likes to think to himself) but Auron has different plans, I mean, he wouldn't bare to let something that belongs to him go without all the luxuries they deserve obviously.

Warning: NSFW, sugar daddy kink, dom/sub dynamics, mild coercion, poor living situation and simping (from the author, of course)

Word Count: 2.6k

A/N: Sugar daddy time lets gooo, all characters belong to @yuurivoice ,also let me know if you want a part two ;)

Thorough, if there was one thing Auron was, it was thorough.

Which was is why he was surprised when he found out about your.. situation, I mean, he was dropping you home and he thought joking when you told him to drop you off at this trash heap of an apartment complex.

But it wasn't a joke, and he felt disgusted.

Not at you, of course, your independence and fiery spirit were far from disgusting-- quite the opposite, it was arousing as fuck.

But at this cracked, borderline hazardous apartment complex that was far below the standards that his rookie should be exposed to, he wasn't expecting something as grand as his penthouse but Jesus Christ, this place was basically falling apart.

He loved your independence, your dedication to doing things for yourself, it was part of what drew him to you, what made him so damn infatuated after that first dinner with you.

But for fuck sakes, your inability to accept help from him was infuriating, he tried to offer you money, a better living situation, it was hardly a bother to him (and hey, if you were to say... move into his penthouse, well, waking up to having you in his bed every morning is hardly an inconvenience) but your stubborn ass attitude rendered you unable to accept his financial aid despite the fact he was a millionaire CEO.

But that's alright.

Not only is Auron thorough, but he's also a very cunning man when he wants to be.

He can be patient, and he can be very, very convincing, especially when it's to get what he wants.

''Pet, so glad you could join me for this.. little weekend rendezvous.'' Auron addressed you as you climbed into his car, it was a crisp Saturday morning and he had texted you to let you know he'd be dropping by.

''Any particular reason you called me on our day off? thought you'd be lounging at home like everyone else.'' you laughed gently, clipping in your seatbelt and smirking at him, ''Or did you just miss me that much?~''

Auron huffed a little, ''I don't miss anyone, pet, I just... needed someone to accompany me today.'' he gave you a pointed look before continuing, ''I find tasks like shopping to be quite.. monotonous, perhaps a little company can help ease the tedious nature.''

''Oh? are you looking for something in particular?'' you asked curiously.

He paused for a beat, carefully selecting his next words, ''..I am in need of a new outfit, I would just order online, but it's better to try on the clothes I wear to assure they're up to my standards.''

You rolled your eyes.

''Oh rook.'' he smirked, leaning a bit closer, ''You should know this, i'm very particular about what I present with and.. who I present myself with.''

He leaned closer, brushing his large, cold hand over your throat, making you swallow thickly.

''Which is why I'm going to make sure my pet leaves today with something much nicer than..'' he whispered in your ear, his hand slipping down to run over your worn clothes, ''..this.''

You shiver as he runs a firm hand over your chest, to your stomach and then onto your thigh, the weight of his hand against your clothes, teasing your bare skin underneath made your pulse quicken.

''Oh my god, Auron!'' You said in disbelief, staring down the frilly garment with borderline hysteria, ''I'm not wearing that outside!''

It was a frilly dark red Victorian style corset with black and dark gold accents, it looked pulled straight out of a gothic vampiric novel.

''If you don't want to wear it outside, that's quite fine but..'' Auron's eyes darkened as he leaned closer, ''I'd appreciate a.. private modelling, if you would.''

His voice was a silky purr, held with promise that made something warm stir in your stomach, but you held strong.

''I'm not paying that much for you to live out some weird, sexy vampire fetish.'' you huffed, crossing your arms playfully.

Auron rolled his eyes, ''How many times do I need to say it, rook, i'll be paying for.. anything you'd like.'' he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

You flushed, a stab of guilt cutting through your arousal, ''I-I told you Auron, y-you don't have to do that--''

He cut you off with a firm, pointed tone, ''How many times do I need to make myself clear? I don't do anything I don't want to do, I'm not this selfless little saint trying to sponsor you out of pity or any bullshit like that.''

''Have you ever considered maybe I'm doing this for my own gain?'' he hummed, his grey eyes looking down at you, ''That maybe I just want to see the object of my affection dressed in something I bought for them? something that they'd be wearing just for me?''

His tone slipped darker and rougher as he leaned down, wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you closer, glancing around the store.

It was a luxury mall, much different to anything you've ever been to, and the high end shopping center was filled with women, men and everyone else in between being spoiled by their partners.

''I mean, you'd hardly be the only one.'' he smirked and huffed in slight amusement, before looking back down at you, ''Besides, don't you want to be my good little pet?''

You flushed, ''I-I can't Auron, it goes against everything i've worked for!'' you whined, feeling stabs of embarrassment and shame at the idea of taking like that from him, lover or not.

''I know, you love being a hard worker and yada yada.'' he rolls his grey eyes, an idea sprouting in his head, ''And if that's the way you want to play it, then fine... think about it like this--''

He continued walking, keeping you tucked in his arm as he put things in the cart he saw you looking at, ''You're here, keeping a prick like me company while he shops, must be real exhausting huh?''

You smirk a little despite yourself, ''Unbelievably, what's your point?''

''Then consider it some.. freelance work.'' he hums, carefully choosing his words, ''An off-the-clock paycheck, if you would.''

''My point is... a good pet like you deserves a little reward for dealing with.. such an unpleasant individual such as myself.'' he smirked, rubbing his hand on your shoulder, ''So why don't you let that jackass reward you for your temperance?''

You flushed harder, pricks of arousal stirring with shame in your stomach until you could barely tell the difference between the two.

''...One thing, i'll let you buy one thing.''

His grin widened, his grey eyes flashing in predatory triumphant and you couldn't repress the shiver as he leaned down, his voice a low growl of; ''Good choice, pet.''

You had brushed off his 'proposition' to freelance being basically a sugar baby, you had assumed it was nothing more than a flirt, a line to convince you to let him buy you something that he could tear off later.

You were sorely mistaken.

He started small, you weren't an easy person to crack and he knew it'd take time before you'd fully give into him.

A snack here and there, lunch from time to time, a small present that would make work easier, a small present for your own personal use.

All very simple, normal things.

But similar to how a ball of snow builds and builds, something that starts off miniscule and manageable can roll further and collect into something much larger that you could anticipate.

You sat on your worn couch, surrounded by the cramped, water damaged walls of your apartment, speaking on the phone to someone who you were starting to suspect was perhaps a bit drunk, I mean it'd explain the lotacracy of the shit spilling from his mouth.

''Auron, no!'' you squawked, a dark flush rising on your cheeks at the pure audacity of his words, ''I would never let you do that!''

''Why not?'' he asked in a snarky tone, ''A dumpster like that is hardly going to cost that much, besides, if you don't want me to pay your rent then I can just buy out the building.''

You gaped in disbelief, I mean, who fucking just does that?!

Auron does, thats who.

''Stop being a little brat, rook.'' he huffs from the other end of the phone, and you could picture him rolling those grey eyes of his.

''I'm not being a brat, w-what are you drunk or some shit?!"' you said in pure disbelief, leaning back against the armrest of your couch, ''That's not something normal people do, Auron!"'

He chuckled egotistically, ''Oh? and you'd lump me in with the common man rook? I feel hurt.''

His voice dropped an octave, honey dripped over rough words filled with desire and promise, ''You know how I feel about little brats, rook, do you need a little punishment as a reminder of who's in charge here?''

''Because last I checked, little brats like you don't get to make these decisions.'' he growled, his words reading like honeyed thorn, ''It's up to men like me who keep little things like you in their place, and i've decided that I don't want you to waste anything more on that trash heap you call an apartment complex.''

You felt the walls of your apartment curl more into themselves, shrinking the space until all you could focus on was the silk voice speaking to you, so loving but so very rough at the same time.

The warmed air around you grew tense, it seemed as if your entire apartment complex held it's breath as you wet your lips.

''..Can we talk more about it tomorrow?''

Silly, silly little rookie.

''Please..'' you moaned, desperatly.

Your bare stomach pressed against the cold wood of his desk, his hands resting on either side of where your hips bent over the dark desk.

''What a naughty little thing..'' he growled, his voice low and rough as he rubbed his leaking tip against you, ''Refusing to let me take care of it, to take care of you.''

He groaned and grinded more insistently against you.

''M' not gonna make you take care of me, i-is not fair--'' they whined, their hole clenching where they wishes to be filled.

''Not fair, huh?'' he spoke in mock empathy, his voice dripping in honeyed sarcasm, ''So unfair to me, isnt it?''

He growled, pushing the top part of his length into you, ''I'm a very selfish man, rook.''

''Has your pretty little head ever stopped to consider that I don't want something that belongs to me among such filth?'' his voice pitched to a low rumble, ''S' why sugar babies exist, rook, men like me don't want their little darlings worrying their pretty little minds about rent or finances-- i mean, that's time that could be spent on me, rook.''

You moaned as he pressed further in, his hard length taking the time to thorougly rub against your quivering entrance as he slowly sinks into the velvety warmth surrounding him.

He was a tease, and the worst part is he knew you loved it.

''Why should I have to share your attention with something so trivial if I could provide anything you needed or wanted, hah?'' He grunts, puncuating his sentence by suddenly shoving more of his length inside of you.

You mewled and quivered, you couldn't deny the way his words sunk deep into your flushed skin, the shame you've built over the years at the idea of someone taking care of you like that resurfacing in a heavy but.. strangely arousing way.

He rubbed his large hands over your body where he leaned over your back, running across your arms and back teasingly.

''As I said before, m' a very selfish man, rook.'' he smirked in a dark, predatory way, his grey eyes scanning over you in the same manner a lion would look over it's next meal, ''Maybe I like the idea of you relying on me and only me, being able to spoil you with things you could only have because of me, smiling and happy because i've brought that to you.''

He shoves the full length of his cock inside you, expertely rubbing the tip along your bundle of nerves until your squirming.

He moves slowly, taking his delicious time to slide himself in and out of your tight embrace, you can hear him panting with the effort to not ruthlessly dig into you.

''Of course, don't worry rook,'' he croons in mock gentleness, betrayed by the glint of darkness in his grey eyes, ''Even when you're being a little brat, I would never rip it away from you..~"'

You whimper as he nearly slides out completely, ''P-Please, I-I need... m-more.''

''There we go,'' he grins in dark approval, his teeth bared in slight triumph, ''Feel how good it is to have more, to accept more from me, rook.''

He roughly shoves back into you, pounding back and forth at a punishing pace.

Egged on by your squeals of pleasure and pleas for more, he continues the brutal pace, tucking your thighs under his hands and shoving your legs upwards, allowing for deeper thrusts.

Pleasure shoots throughout your spine as he digs into you with his throbbing cock, the girth of it stretching out your walls deliciously.

''I wanted more, I wanted more in life, rook, and I took it.'' He growls out, rubbing the tip of his throbbing member on the bundle of nerves that makes lighting bolts of pleasure shoot throughout your quivering form, ''And so can you, you can take more, like I did, like i'm taking you right in this moment.''

His voice leaves him in a low rumble, sweat beading down his bare chest as the sound of squelching and bare skin slapping fills the room.

''Say yes, rook.'' he entices in a low voice, like a devil whispering sweet nothings into your ear, ''Say yes and accept more, all you have to do is belong to me.''

You whimper and spasm, ''M-M' gonna..'' you pant, feeling your stomach tighten in anticipation.

''Ah, ah, ah, not so fast rookie.'' he growls, his hand moving down to tease you in all the right spots, running you along the cliff without ever letting you fall into the ocean of ecstasy brimming right below.

''Ya want more, don't you?'' he smiles predatorily, his grey eyes darkening until they looked almost black, ''Accept me, my offer, and get more.''

He ran you along the edge, he would never let you tip over until you agreed.

''Auuurrrooon!~'' your voice was a whine, your head tipping back slightly, his fingers kneaded themselves in your hair and he tugged backwards, leaning forward to whisper darkly in your ear.

''Say yes, let me spoil you, get you out of that disgusting little pound and you can let go,'' he murmured, desire soaking into his tone, ''Do it, rook, theres no point in pretending you don't want it, modesty will get you nowhere.''

Your resolve was cracking with each thrust, each punishing push of his leaking tip on that bundle of nerves dissolving your pride, your pride of everything you've come to accomplish on your own.

But.. what have you really accomplished on your own? your house was a dump, you were barely scraping by, and all you had to show for it was nothing but the pride of knowing you've survived all on your own no matter how much it had taken off your soul.

He whispers to you, his silky voice wrapping around your brain like a vice, deceptive in it's gentle sweetness as he roughly shoved himself back into your stretched walls.

''You can let go when you let me catch you, rook.''

''

[sturniozo]

Savage Love Part Ten

Matt Sturniolo x reader Mafia AU

masterlist

“What happened at work, dollface?” He asked me.

“I… I kinda… got fired.” I mumble.

“Why?” He asks as his hand caresses my cheek.

“There was something my editor wanted me to do and I told him I couldn’t and-“

“Did he try to sleep with you?” Matt asks sternly. “I swear to god I’ll-“

“What? No it was an article I didn’t want to do.”

“Oh.”

“I don’t want to do the article and he said without that article I contribute nothing of substance to the paper so he fired me…”

Matt kisses my forehead and wraps his arms around me. “What was the piece about?” He asks as he nuzzles his face against my hair.

I bite my lip. I can’t tell him the article was about him, he’d think our whole relationship is a lie. “He wanted me to do an exposure piece. I just don’t feel comfortable ruining people for no good reason. I think there’s a difference between exposing actual bad people and just plain outing people’s personal lives.”

Matt kisses my head once again. “I bet you were the best writer they had. That papers gonna go to shit now. No one will read it anymore.”

I laugh softly and cuddle closer to him. “My pieces barely made it into that paper anyways.”

“I’ll find you a better paper to work at, okay babydoll?”

“You don’t need to find me a job Matt, I can do that myself.”

“I’d rather you have a job you can work from home from though, that way I can keep an eye on you.”

“Matt, no offense, but that was creepy.” I turn to him and laugh softly. My smile fades when I see the serious look on Matt’s face.

“I’d just prefer it if I knew where you were and that you were safe.” Matt shrugs and kisses my temple again. “I have some things to take care of here in a bit baby, so I’m gonna order you some lunch.”

“What do you have to take care of?” I ask. I bite my lip as I realize I don’t need to ask these questions for my job anymore. I just want to know him.

Matt sighs. “There’s a shipment coming in from Italy and I need to make sure they brought everything I paid for so that I can distribute it to my consumers.”

I blink. “What’s the shipment of?”

Matt shakes his head. “I’m sorry dollface but that’s need to know.” He kisses my head. “Let’s order you food now.” He pulls out his phone to order food online.

“It’ll be here soon. I have to go babydoll, I have to be at the airport in an hour.” Matt gets up from the couch. “Make sure you eat. And feel free to explore and look around. You’re gonna be here for a little while you might as well get used to the place.” Matt gives me a quick kiss on the lips before leaving.

I sit on the couch for a minute pondering what to do. I hear Matt’s car leave and I shrink back against the couch. It feels so uncomfortable to be alone is his big home. I look around the living room. Behind the couch is one of multiple pool tables in the house, and near the corner of the room is a poker table.

The tv is huge, like one from a theater. It sits above a beautiful mantel that looks like hand chiseled stone. The beautiful creation had carved roses and thorn filled vines that line the edges.

I must have been admiring the mantel for a long time since I hear the doorbell ring. It catches me off guard and I flinch and my leg slips off the couch.

I get up and head towards the front door. I open it to see a delivery man holding a bag.

“Delivery for Sturniolo?” He says and I nod. He hands me the bag and the receipt before turning around and leaving without a word.

I close the door and go to the dining room to set the bag of food down in the table. The interaction itself was weird, not like any one I’ve had with a delivery man. I look at the receipt to see what Matt had ordered and see the special instruction.

‘Don’t mess with the girl.’

I roll my eyes and set the receipt down on the table.

After eating a bit of the lunch I decided to walk around. I’m mostly curious what I could find. Even though I’m not on the piece about him anymore I’m still interested to know if he really is the Mafia boss or if this is all just misconstrued information.

I walk up the stairs and through the hallway. Most of the doors have been locked, the only one I’m able to get into is Matt’s bedroom. So I start there.

I have already seen most there is to see in Matt’s bedroom. But the door that leads to his office is still unseen by my eyes. I turn the knob, a little surprised it isn’t locked. I open the door just a bit and bite my lip.

Should I be doing this? Would Matt know? I swallow the saliva building up in my mouth from nerves and I enter the office. I turn in the light to see everything, but there’s almost nothing to see. Just a desk and a seat. There’s no papers or a computer, do extra storage drawers, no decorations of any kind. Just a desk and a chair.

The desk and chair looks like the ones you’d think your rich uncle would have. Beautiful maroon wood desk and a matching color leather desk chair.

I go to close the door when something catches my eye. Something under the desk. I walk closer and look under the desk and pick up the small metal key. I look around for a lock of some sort, something that the key must open.

Why would this be in the floor? I look through the drawers of the desk, all of them empty, except when I get to the bottom one. I open it and a gun slides around the drawer from the force of me opening it. I gasp slightly and immediately close the drawer.

I stand up and look around. Where did the key go? And where did it come from? There’s no way he just left it on the floor, is there? And why would he have an empty office with nothing but a gun?

Maybe Emma was right, I was being naive, and I shouldn’t have trusted Matt. Things do add up to him being in the Mafia.

But that’s not how you gather information, you can’t start with your conclusion and work backwards to prove it. No, I need proof of it.

But I don’t need proof anymore. I keep forgetting I stopped with that piece. I turn around and look over the walls. I trace my fingers over the wallpaper until I feel a dent in the wall covered by the wallpaper.

I take a breath. I can’t cut through the paper, Matt will notice and know I snooped. I bite my lip and trace along the dent, just to get an idea of how big the dent it.

I trace it up above my head and then back down to the floor. It seemed to be the outline of a door. Maybe that’s what the key unlocked?

But why would the key be on the floor? And why would the door be covered with the wallpaper? I shake my head. I shouldn’t do this. I set the key back down under the desk where I found it and leave the office, shutting the light off behind me.

I sit on the bed still unsure what to do. After a moment of thinking I walk out of his bedroom and walk along the hallway to where his office wall would be. I go to open a door that should lead to the room next to his office, but it’s locked.

I immediately go back through his bedroom and to his office, grabbing the key and going back out to the door. I take a deep breath before I slip the key into the lock.

I turn the key and the lock click. I turn the knob and open the door. The room is dark so I reach around the wall feeling for a light switch. When I finally find it I flick it on, and gasp at what I see.

I quickly close the door behind me and run down the hall and down the stairs. I rush to the front door and open it, just in time to see a car pull up. My breath hitches and I shut the door, hoping whoever it was didn’t see me.

I go back to the living room but remember how I left the room. I quickly go back up the stairs and go back to the room, shut off the light, then close and lock the door. I run to put the key back under his desk where I found it. By the time I’m leaving Matt’s bedroom I hear the front door open.

From upstairs I can hear the sound of two guys talking to each other, sounding like they’re bickering. My feet stay planted in place in Matt’s bedroom, unable to move.

Neither voice sounds like Matt’s which makes my heart race in my chest. I swallow the saliva building up in my mouth and slowly creep tears the door of the bedroom. I hear the guys make their way up the stairs and I see their faces.

They look just like Matt. Then I remember Matt telling me he was a triplet and lived with his brothers when we were on a date once.

I step backwards and the floor creaks. The guys stop talking and I stand paralyzed in fear. Do they know I’m here? Did Matt tell them anything?

My questions are answered when I hear one of them say “I bet it’s that girl Matt’s been with.” And then the footsteps get closer to the door. I sit down on the bed, now unable to stand as the anxiety builds up inside me. The door opens and I see the two guys fully.

They really do look almost just like Matt. I stare up at them and my heart races. “Matt said you’d be here.” One of them says. “I’m Chris, this is Nick,” he nods his head towards the other guy “we’re Matt’s brothers. You must be y/n then?”

I nod slowly.

“Matt’s told us about you. He said you’re staying here while he has your place checked for- ow!”

Nick interrupts Chris by kicking his leg. “Dude,” Nick motions to me. He mouths something to Chris and Chris seems to have a moment of realization.

“Just make yourself at home and… Nick and I will be in the living room if you need anything.” Chris says before leaving.

I let out a breath and stare at the ground. How am I supposed to leave with those two here? And how am I supposed to stay after what was in that room?

Tags: @stargirlsturniololover @sturniolobessed @eyelessdemon00 @sturnioloenthusiast @sturniolopookie @urmommysbathroom @qwertytit @whatever1021 @chrisfavoritepepsi @stramboli4life @sturniolosreads @timmyscomputer @iloveneilperry @chrisloyalgf @xxsadlovexx @bernardenjoyer @mbbsgf @nickmillersn1gf

[kaythefloppa]

MUFASA: THE LION KING LIVEBLOG/THOUGHTS [SPOILERS]

Today, Mufasa: The Lion King has released worldwide in theaters. Within the hours of being unleashed upon the world as the latest entry in the Lion King franchise and in the Disney movie lineup, the movie has become available online.

As someone who has been anticipating this film since the day it was greenlit in September of 2020, now I can finally watch it to see if it was worth the hype, if it succeeds my expectations, or if it sucks (it does not).

Also, I should preface this by saying that I am not walking in semi-blind. I was not immune to spoilers, some of which I voluntarily exposed myself to, others were stumbled upon without any warning or disclaimer, but this is still my full thoughts on the film as I watch it for the first time in proper.

SPOILERS BELOW.

I think anyone and their grandma can see Pride Rock next to the Disney castle in the opening. It's not really much to say, but in this movie specifically, I smile noticing it.

It was announced that the film would pay tribute to James Earl Jones in the opening. I was not surprised by that, and I definitely shouldn't be surprised hearing his archived recordings in the opening but... goddamn.

LEBO M HOW I HAVE MISSED YOU. Much like in the original and Simba's Pride, he is the first voice you hear in the story and god it fits.

A lot of people have pointed out how unlike the 2019 remake of TLK, this film has a wide array in emotions, expressions, and life, focusing more on actually being an animated story rather than being a nature documentary (eat it John Favereau). This entire opening solidifies that fact and I think this bears repeating as to what one of this film's biggest strengths are.

SIMBA HOW I HAVE MISSED YOU!!!!!!!!

People have made comparisons to Narnia and Jungle Book when it comes to everything the remake got wrong. I'm making those comparisons to praise this movie specifically, I'm getting those vibes.

Nala is out here doing what we all should be doing; Touching grass.

Also Simba and Nala really be out here making long distance work. I love them so f*cking much and I hate hate hate how we're not going to see much of them in the story [for reasons that are perfectly valid, especially if you know how the movie ends which... we'll get to that]

I listened to the soundtrack before watching this film; It slaps so much. It's everything you would want in a theatrical Lion King sequel, so hearing it in the ACTUAL movie, that's astonishing.

Oh look... Timon and Pumbaa are here. Which is nice cause I'm a huge fan of Timon and Pumbaa (I stand by the fact that Lion King 3 is arguably the most god-tier of all Disney sequels) but.... Seth Rogan warthog..

"And that one three-legged zebra." Fuck that's actually pretty dark and I love it.

Kiara exists in this film. I was at first upset that they were retreading earlier ground but... I'm cool with it now. Not exactly what I would've done, but I can nod heads with it.

I get that Timon and Pumbaa overexaggerate things (a later joke in the film would confirm that) but I don't see why Simba is against the idea of them telling her stories. I think any child would be okay with that, even with the circumstances happening. Then again, this could be an indicator of Simba's paranoia and fearing that Kiara could go through the same thing. Jesus, no matter what universe this guy is in he is still traumatized, got-damn.

Oh wait I take it back I fucking love that Kiara is in this film, she is adorable.

Simba really had a glow-up from having a kid.

We all knew that Timon and Pumbaa fighting Scar in the trailers was just them fucking around, so I don't need to comment more on this. I will point out how one of my predictions for the remake was seeing Pumbaa defend Simba from Scar seeing as how warthogs can often square up against lions in real life. So, even in the context of a Timon and Pumbaa joke that makes zero sense, I'm still vindicated.

As someone who had an INTENSE fear of thunder and lightning as a child and.... still has somewhat of an aversion thereof as an adult, I can very much resonate with Kiara's reaction to the storm.

"We sing that song for 6 years straight." I'm going to ignore that line just so that I can continue to headcanon Lion King characters aging by humans (I am coping and seething rn)

RAFIKI HOW I HAVE MISSED YOU.

Rafiki in this film reminds me of my grandfather I cannot stop smiling every time he goes on screen, I want to hug him.

"Ceremonial birthing grounds" Holy SHIT I was not expecting such lore early on. Bravo Berry Jenkins.

John Kani is KILLING this role as Rafiki. I would easily use this as another opportunity to dunk the remake but I'm too distracted by how good this performance is and how it fits the character so well. I'm the furthest thing from a Disney shill, but I would unoequivcally watch a four-season prequel spin-off series about Rafiki if one ever came out, and I have this goddamn movie to blame.

This is gonna be a running theme but Rafiki has some of the best lines in this movie. What the fuck was Jenkins smoking and can I have it? /pos.

They played the This Land theme whilst Kiara talks about how she could never be brave like her granddad and father. The parallels....

Aand here we go, Mufasa backstory time! I mean, you'd have to ignore the three existing backstories that already exist but then again, all of them suck ass," so here we fucking goooooooo.

I really dislike when movies use "moons" as a time indicator because like, what does that mean? Does it literally mean a lunar cycle of nearly 30 days? Months? Years? I'm thinking way too much into this aren't I?

YEAAAH TITLE CARD BABEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYY. WE ARE SO FUCKEN BAACK.

Goddamn I remember that one frame of Mufasa and his parents being released and it was so stupid. It looks even dumber seeing it to motion but damn it it looks so cute in a way!

Aww, look at how much Mufasa loves his parents. I hope these characters survive all the way to the end of the film without any major catastroph-yeah no, I can't even fucking finish it.

Milele is a good enough song with the vocals, but the visuals are really what hammer it home for me. The wide arrays of gold, pinks, purples, and greens, it brings life into this world, showcases the beauty of Africa, and emphasizes the dreamy aspect of the song. Also, you get Keith motherf*cking David singing in a Lion King movie, game respects game.

Also the T(He)y Lives in You reference was very well put together.

Mufasa chasing a butterfly being a reference to Kiara chasing a butterfly in Simba's Pride!!

I already knew Mufasa's father was gonna die in this but seeing him play with Mufasa, goddamn you Disney. Your never-ending patricide may be predictable, but it will never not tug my heart-strings.

I don't know who this giraffe is but I love them already.

Man, we've really come a long way since Simba's blank expression at the stampede, huh? Nature is fucking healing.

DAM(N)

Bisexual lighting in the water spotted.

You can hear Nants Ingonyama when Mufasa is submerged underwater! Deep cut.

Honestly, the hippos just glancing at Mufasa and swimming past him is hilariously dickish and it makes me forgive how they haven't immediately chomped him /j

Here's Taka (UGGGGGHHH ~ Sorry, I had to get that one out, they could've chosen any other name for him)

From day 1, Scar has always been a little shit lmao.

This doesn't mean anything on any scale, but I would've replaced the crocodiles with hippos. Would've been more scary.

Taka getting Mufasa up is directly contrast to how he will eventually kill him. This movie is going to try and yank my heart-strings out of my chest won't it?

"All important nap of kings." Bro's just like me fr.

Oh wait god I take it all back he's not like me fr HE'S NOT LIKE ME FR.

If I had a nickel for every recent piece of Lion King media that depicts cannibalism with the subtlety of a chainsaw to the pelvis, I'd have 2 nickels, which isn't a lot but WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE 2 FUCKING NICKELS?!?!?! TWO!?!?

"Do you know what Mufasa means? It means King!" Erhm actually, Mufasa has no direct meaning in Swahili. It's a mix between Mfalme (which is the direct Swahili translation for "King" and the last pre-colonial King of Buganda called Mutisa. Obasi's clearly got his lions crossed. *cinemasins ding*

I love how Mufasa is clearly laughing and joking around as this adult lion is actively trying to fucking murder him. Either he is that oblivious to the danger that he is in, or he is actively trolling this asshole. If it's the latter, or even both, I love it.

I have a feeling that Obasi has actually murdered other outsider cubs before, or maybe even succeeded in sabotaging their initiation rituals so he can eat them. I get that the whole "lions killing cubs that aren't their own" is a part of nature but apply human behavior to that and you can see how sick this is. Not to mention, Taka would have probably been in proxy to these and... shit, no wonder he turned out to be a nasty piece of work.

Oh so THIS is the challenge that Scar was mentioning in the remake.

The PTSD flashbacks jumpscared me.

Oh my god the close up of Mufasa... peak fucking fiction.

Omg that one scene in the trailer of Mufasa leaping from the tree is in the movie- aaaand he is going ass over teakettle afterwards lmao.

The little "I Always Wanted a Brother" instrumental playing when Taka helps Mufasa out of the water🥺

"You will keep him with the females" oh that's not.....

The entiredy of "I Always Wanted a Brother" is amazing. The lyrics cleverly delve into Scar and Mufasa's individual personalities and traits that'll magnify in their adulthood, as well as their growing relationship, and the visuals feel alive as ever with the chorus and beat topping it all off. Lin Manuel Miranda cooked here and I am not afraid to admit it. This song is the best in the entire movie and is everything one would look for in a Lion King prequel. No wonder the marketing loved this song so much.

Also, Mufasa: The Lion King proudly continues the tradition of A) musical numbers with background animal choreography and B) transitions to show characters aging. We truly have come full Circle [Of Life]

Ok but this entire song is way funnier when it's essentially these animals saying "Get your ass back home" to these two little shits.

"Some things you chase but you cannot hold." That line is DEFINITELY a double-meaning and applies to both brothers. For Taka, it refers to how he can't keep/gain the power he obtains + the object of his desires as much as he tries and for Mufasa, it means he won't be able to maintain the relationship with his adoptive brother. The failure to practice this philosophy leads to both of their downfalls so what is at first a cute lyric becomes very dark in retrospect and I have to applaud the songwriter if he was intentional with that.

Ok so if Obasi doesn't allow outsiders and since he values blood and all, then I'm assuming these other male lions are related to him. I'm gonna guess that they're his brothers and/or cousins.

The animals singing in a circle around Mufasa and Taka reminds me a lot of high school dance circles, it's very funny (and also sweet that the animals and Taka are singing for Mufasa).

You heard of the boy who cried wolf; Well here's the lion who cried elephant. (Also, 10/10 prank).

"They did it [the prank] again!" I think the saying goes, "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me." Also I was half-expecting an ACTUAL elephant stampede to knock them down, ;p

"You want to be with the females?" I have no jokes for this, I am legitimately disgusted with how mysoginistic Obasi is and yeah, that's definitely the point, but like, I was NOT expecting that. I guess maybe they needed to emphasize how Taka had such a shitty role model growing up and that a large part of his fall to darkness was not learning how sick and wrong this line of thinking is, and objectively that is good writing when handling such a topic, especially since again, the movie is very much against this and to a lesser degree, it's an origin story I guess I'm just taken by surprise at the sudden mysoginy, and at the end of the day, did we really need this character to be a PodcastBro™ to get the idea that he's not supposed to be someone we root for? Or is it really not that deep and I'm thinking too much into this?

Eshe is such a good mother to Mufasa, helping him home into his senses to hunt, and even offering to help Mufasa find his parents. I think this is a good contrast between Mufasa and Taka when it comes to the nurture part of nature vs. nurture. It's also an interesting mirror to the fan-portrayals of their relationships with their parents as it's usually Taka/Scar being close to his mother and Mufasa being close to his father.

I see a lot of Tarzan similarities here and I think you can notice them well. That being said, Tarzan is also peak fiction that I look fondly towards, and this movie is also looking really good so far, so there is nothing but adoration.

Timon and Pumbaa reacting to Mufasa's line of being a stray with no responsibilities, calling him "one of us" all but confirms that if he was still alive today, they would 100% be friends.

"Hakuna Mufasa" essentially means "There is no Mufasa." I.e. what a good chunk of Simba's childhood was like. Shit, I'm pretty sure Rafiki even knew the fucked up implications of that when he interrupted them.

Timon and Pumbaa I love you but please shut the fuck up right now.

I think everyone has made the Kimba jokes, so I'm just going to say how two white lions would NOT stand out in a sea of tall tannish green grass.

This entire hunting scene is the definition of tension. No dialogue, just music.

Oh, the trailers outright baited us into thinking Eshe was gonna sacrifice herself to save Mufasa. Well played Disney.... well played.

Damn, Taka is horrified as shit.

Go for the juglar Mufasa! The jugular!!

The framing of the scene goes by quick, but I think the implication is that Kiros's son got straight up impaled by one of the branches on the dead tree when Mufasa knocked him down... we're only half an hour into this 2 hour film and we already have a kill count of 3 characters, one of which by the titular.

Ngl, I was hoping/expecting Mufasa to be the aggressor in the fight to try and scare off the lions and this would be how he learns that "being brave doesn't mean you go looking for trouble." And/or that Eshe potentially sacrificing herself would be what gives him that reality check. But either way, as is, this fight scene did demonstrate bravery as a quality of Mufasa in a good way.

"I owe you a great debt" yeah you also owe him an apology for refusing to take any parental custody over him, for the emotional neglect, for your misogyny-driven alienation of him, and oh yeah, trying to FUCKING CANNIBALIZE HIM.

I mean in fairness to the white lion, what the fuck was he supposed to do? Mufasa LITERALLY impaled Sachu.

Obasi lying to protect Taka reminds me of Rameses offering to lie to absolve Moses of his murder. Also, once again, this scene does very well to point out how Taka's upbringing played a role in his eventual fall from grace without making him an abused woobie stripped of any character.

I was gonna complain about how the Outsiders are a thing in this movie but the fact that they are evidently not Zira's pride and also have an explanation to their existence makes it hard to complain.

Ok so the first act of the film is kinda rushed, I'll admit that. Guess they had to go on the journey pretty quick.

So far, Timon and Pumbaa's commentary has ranged from somewhat funny to cringeworthy. Why exactly are they involved in this plot? Or, if they had to be, why not Sarabi and Zazu who actually partook in this story we're being told. You could get alot of colorful dynamics that would add both extra comedy and emotion to the story. I'm getting this out of the way now because even though there's a later scene that is juxstaposed to this, it still confuses me a bit.

"Yours is the last pride of the valley of kings" woah, that actually means Kiros has killed other prides before. This is straight up the lion equivalent of imperialism.

"Everything the light touches belongs to me," well what about when it's dark out? Ever thought of that, asshole? Obasi could easily lawyer up and kick your ass back to the swamp /j

"There will be one ruler. One, Lion King." He said it, he said the thing!

Not gonna lie, Kiros's villain song, Bye-Bye sounds like it was pulled from Jake and the Never Land Pirates. But then again, that show's soundtrack is fucking awesome, as is this film's soundtrack, as is this song. The vocals and lyrics are deliciously villainous and the beat is haunting. My only gripe is that it's too short, and the movie's version of the song doesn't include the background vocals like the soundtrack version. That and the visuals aren't as stunning as I imagined but, still, it's a good villain song! And for a song titled "Bye-Bye" of all things that is a feat.

Man, I thought I was actually gonna see Kiros kill Obasi and Eshe. I mean it's obvious that he did but, showing it on screen would've really hammered home the idea that he doesn't mess around. But instead we smash cut to the brothers running away. LAME!!!!!!!

"They live in you now" oh that hits so hard.

Aquaphobic Mufasa canon???

"It's not my fault crocodiles are simply attracted to you," tell me why my mind instantly went to a visual of Pua x Mufasa (and why I can somehow buy that???)

"My scent? I've been stalking you two all night." Sarabi how I have missed you.

ZAZU HOW I HAVE MISSED YOU.

Sarabi royalty confirmed.

I once saw a theory that Rafiki (a mandrill) was raised by baboons, which explains why he has no qualms with being called one, and gives a new perspective to his phrase "you're a baboon, and I'm not." To whoever came up with that theory, you are a goddamn prophet.

Again, I think all of this goes by way too fast, I think a few more minutes establishing this troop along with Rafiki's character traits and behaviors and THEN hitting us with the tragic fall-out would've worked a lot better.

"Born with a leg that does not work," that explains the walking stick he has in the movie.

"It was Rafiki who found water in the dry season!" Six New Adventures reference!

Rafiki is fucking hilarious.

''A single stick may smoke, but it will never burn." Once again, Rafiki is the best fucking character in this entire film.

Did... Zazu just break the fourth wall???

"I am not a baboon. I am a mandrill." It took us 30 fucking years for a Lion King movie to address this, god bless.

"No offense, but a monkey is a monkey," Mufasa racist moment /j

Rafiki and Mufasa's discussion at the pool is so good. Once again, it has that natural Lion King narrative DNA in it and it speaks a lot about both characters as part of an origin story. Both characters are very heavy key players in the classic Lion King stroy, so this scene does them a GREAT deal of justice.

"I have a report! It's morning." Ok, funny joke.

"Hallucinating baboon!" Sarabi racist moment /j

This plot really knows how to connect together, via using Eshe's sensory training to help dodge Kiros's team.

We Go Together is an amazing song. It's very good for a road-trip/buddy movie, and, not unlike Hakuna Mtata from the original, is a very good palatte cleanser from the story's more darker elements. The characters have enough time to shien in their own ways and the overlaps of their lyrics is kinda growing on me. I substract points for the stupid-ass love triangle bit they imply and trust me, we will get to that when we get to that.

You know that one scene in kids' shows and movies where it is nothing but unabashed second-hand embarassment and/or cringe. The entire scene where Mufasa gives Taka love advice for Sarabi, and Taka's attempts to kiss-up to her is exactly that. If it's not completely uncomfortable to listen to, it's BO-RING. And I wish it was just a one-off gag that meant fuck-all in the end but I've listened to the soundtrack and got spoilered on a later element in the film that just does not help.

Seeing the elephant herd reminds me of when my sister and I were in Africa and saw an entire herd, moms and their babies pass by. On that same vacation, my grandpa and I also saw an elephant pass the road. Huge disclaimer, never piss them off.

Sarabi rendered an entire colony of bees homeless and more than likely killed a good amount of elephants by getting them stung. That's not very Circle of Life of her.

Mufasa saving Sarabi's life!! That man is her HUSBAND.

Ah yes, the epic tale of Rafiki's stick. The mythos of the stick has finally been revealed. This is the REAL Lion King lore I signed up for. Barry Jenkins you are too good.

On one hand Mufasa lying to make Taka look good is an interesting character study. On the other hand.... that stupid fucking love triangle that this builds up to. I hate it so much, SO MUCH. Replace the payoff with ANYTHING ELSE, and I'd be okay with this. Ugh!

Rafiki, Kiara, Timon, and Pumbaa's hug is great. Rafiki explaining the sad reality of social alienation, relating it to his experiences, followed up by Timon and Pumbaa lightening the mood but adding to that emotion with them being outsiders. I knew it wouldn't be long until I started to love them being in this film. Take your crown you kings, you earned it!

Oh my god Mufasa has hella PTSD here, it's a really good representation of it.

Zazu's a real one here, covering up the tracks.

I. Fucking. Love. Rafiki.

"Mufasa, I gotch'u." I headcanon those were Sarabi's wedding vows. No one can prove me wrong.

I thought Mufasa and Sarabi's romance would be a bit rushed here and to be fair... it almost does??? It's not the whole center of the story, and Sarabi is able to stand out as a character on her own outside of the love story. As for their love story itself, it's very well put together with enough screentime and it feels real. Oh and their love song is also pretty great. We were WELL overdue with a Mufasa/Sarabi love song and this movie did not fail to deliver.

Also, Sarabi figuring out on her own that Mufasa saved her and being able to pick up on all of his genuinely best qualities, that's like really impressive, and it's actually a neat twist on the 'liar revealed' trope.

Okay, now here's my allotted time to talk about one of the things I was dreading seeing in this film and am unfortunate enough to be right seeing. The stupid Mufasa/Scar/Sarabi love-triangle. I hate it. I hate how one of the only major changes the remake had to its story was adding that love triangle to give 'depth' to the characters, when in reality, it diminished the characters by not having more for the story to speak about them, made the tension between them flat by consequence, and the remake never resolves this in a meaningful way. Plus it is BORING as hell. And now the movie is apparently using that same love triangle once again, as a MAJOR plot-point. Not only that, but the fact that Taka immediately snaps and goes villain after seeing his crush go after his brother... what the hell are ya even doing man?

The first act of the film gives us a lot of elements to go off of for his villain arc. Being spoiled by his parents, poor parental influence, being a control freak, maybe we see more signs that Taka blames Mufasa for his parents getting killed, or holds him responsible for it, or heck, even his guilt/inferiority complex that stems from the trauma of running away when his mother was in a life-or-death situation. So many other things that could result in a complex but constructive beginnings of a villain, and yet it's this stupid underbaked love triangle, this one isolated moment that changes the trajectory of his entire character arc and oh my god I hate it, I hate it so much. Nevertheless, Brother Betrayed is a good song.

Seeing Taka throw a tantrum over his crush not liking him back and later falling into the snow is cathartic as hell. I want to see this little turd lose.

So he teams up with the white lions... after they killed both his parents and caused him to be banished from his home... not to mention, they tried to kill him?? Unless he's tricking them somehow so he could get close enough to take them out, this is incredibly stupid. I don't care if this snivelling little shit gets punched in the face, but also as is, this is bad writing.

Taka laying out scars to lead the villains to their location. Now THAT is clever foreshadowing.

Pumbaa your husband is right next to you, why are you pretending not to like love 😭😭😭

That is a cool ass background.

The shots of the Pride Lands matching the visions of Milele. This movie knows how to use its visuals.

Man I remember all the theories saying that the big tree in Milele was the Tree of Life from the Lion Guard, or that somehow Milele was always Mufasa's adopted home. Still, magnificent.

I think all of us could predict Rafiki and Mufasa having a brotherly bond. I like how the theme of this movie involves family in ways other than biological relation. I think the brotherhood theme could've been used with Zazu as well, but this is sooooooo cuuuteee!!!

Wait how do the animals know the Outsiders are hunting Mufasa? Did the Outsiders terrorize Milele before? Did they somehow 'sense' the Outsiders' presence like Eshe taught Mufasa to? I like where this is going but there's no reason for them to have that much frame of reference to our protagonists' plight.

Kiros is truly horrifying.

"There are other lions here," wait, so maybe they're members of Sarabi's pride? Hmmm....

"Sarabi chose you... just like my mother, just like my own father." Uhm,,, what??? Obasi never 'chose' Mufasa for anything over Taka. And Mufasa was assigned to Eshe by Obasi. Sure, the dude may have looked Mufasa in a higher regard after the rescue but that is NOT the equivalent of preference? In fact, the very last thing Obasi said to Taka was to preserve the bloodline by outright lying to everyone. Did I miss something??

Hell yeah fight fight fight.

Is... IS THAT SARAFINA AND A YOUNG NALA IN THE PRIDE LANDS??? HOLY SHIT.

Mufasa uniting the animals together in a war rally... PEAK FICTION. This entire speech is peak levels of badass.

Mufasa said Nants ingonyama bagithi. The opening lines to Circle of Life HOLY FUCK BARRY JENKINS COOKED.

Only a villain like Kiros can make the phrase "Bye-Bye" sound menacing.

Zazu be out here using 0.001% of his full power.

W shoebill character (still sad that there's no caracal yet).

I think Zazu could offer a lot more in the final battle, like say, rallying the birds together and raining hell upon the lionesses, poking them with sticks or dropping rocks. He's gotten a decent enough amount of screentime but this climax should've really brought it home.

BEAT HIS ASS MUFASA. BEAT. HIS. MOTHER. FUCKING. ASS.

Okay, fine, give Taka some brownie points for standing in the way, but he still fucking deserves that scar. Fuck you Taka.

Also, the remake implies that Mufasa gave Scar his scar in the challenge, but it never outright said so, and TLK has always been a loose cannon when it came to... well, canon; So I can buy Kiros giving him the scar. I actualy can't believe that my prediction on Taka taking the bullet for Mufasa actually came true! Mark that off the bingo card!!!

The entire climax/stand-off/showdown has little to no dialogue and BY GOD does it ever work here. Mufasa and Taka looking at each other with clear emnity in their eyes, and then channeling all of their rage into their common foe to tag-team him. So much emotion.

"The earth will shake." LET. HIM. COOK.

And scratch "Pride Rock being formed by and earthquake that crushes the villain" off the bingo card.

Mufasa overcoming his water trauma by remembering Eshe's words to sense the rock that he'll use to crush Kiros into the water.

Ok y'all say it with me: Bye Bye Kiros!

I know this is a big emotional moment that shows the last of Taka's humanity and parallels with his first and last encounter with Mufasa.... but the HESITATION to help him, mixed with the clear anger at the beginning would've been enough to make me banish the dick.

See, Mufasa became king after proving his worth of leadership. There is no "he stole the throne/his brother's girlfriend" BS. You Buzzneed nerd-wannabees can fuck off now.

Oh look, I see some hyenas in the crowd. I wonder what their origin stories will be in this Lion King prequel!

"No more Kings, we are all one," setting aside TLK 2 reference, Mufasa is based for implying a democracy.

Are.... are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?! AFIA IS ALIVE???!!! MUFASA'S MOM IS ALIVE!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!!

Ok I'm conflicted. On one end, I don't like the fake-out death trope, especially when it's used at the end of films. On the other hand... Afia's presence really ties the themes and plot of 'Milele' together and it ~ really works. But still, imagine if Mufasa was visited by the spirit of his mother after becoming king, mirroring Mufasa's later divine intervention for his son. That would've worked so much better. Wasted potential af.

Also, if Afia's alive... who was the lion in the stars Mufasa saw during "I Always Wanted a Brother."

Oh... OH. OH GOD. MY HEART. R.I.P. MASEGO.

Whilst I still think keeping Afia dead would've been more effective, leaving Masego dead and keeping her alive adds an element of tragedy into the story, and the "He Lives in You" callback is well-equipped here.

Fuck you Taka you little shit.

I always took issue with the remake's backstory for Scar implying that he got his scar in a fight with Mufasa; Because if Scar already challenged Mufasa once, why does Mufasa trust him enough to depend on him or let his son romp around the place near him, even if he sticks around bc of "brotherhood." Whilst I don't mind that the remake 'retconned' that story (especially since it wasn't confirmed), I still take issue with that here; Again, if Taka had lied to Kiros, or did something to indicate that he wasn't on his side/wasn't truly against Mufasa, or if Taka could lie his way out of consequences, it would work, but as is, this just feels... off.

Also, Scar calling himself scar as a reminder of his embarassment and what he did, despite him continuing to do awful things rendering that admission completely null and void; it sucked when the books did it, it sucks here.

Maybe the real Milele were the friends we made along the way.

Mufasa's coronation is powerful, and blends well with Kiara's ascension. My only problem is the same problem I had with the remake. The roar came TOO EARLY. In the original's King of Pride Rock, Simba's ascension was concurrent with the swelling of the music, reaching its peak when he reached Pride Rock's peak, and then when Simba roared, that's when the music delved into Busa, which meshed into the reprise of Circle of Life. The remake fucks that up badly, and Mufasa, whilst still better in terms of that detail in pacing, still manages to miss that mark. So close... and yet so far...

Kiara can now Skype call her grandfather. The Circle is now truly complete.

"Kiara, this is your new brother." I... was kinda hoping the film would end with Simba and Nala adopting a new cub and said cub would bond with Kiara the way that Mufasa and Taka used to, and that said cub would be a girl but........ fine, fine. Also, I am 99% sure that cub is Kion. With how Disney recently uploaded The Lion Guard: Return of the Roar onto their YouTube channel in honor of Mufasa, and with how next year is The Lion Guard's 10th anniversary, meaning they'd HAVE to make another large acknowledgement of it, I am more than definitely subscribing to the fact that it is Kion. And... yeah I'm pretty cool with it (if it's Kopa, I will go into hibernation).

Kiara telling her brother the story is a neat way to wrap up this story in a bow.

CONCLUSION:

PROS:

The animals actually emote and express in this movie. Not only that, but the backgrounds and impressive technology are allowed to go all out in strength. We have come a long way. I hope to god the animators get their rents due, especially in an era where animation and animators are constantly getting the middle finger by companies and corporations.

This movie takes a lot of good ideas and executes them brilliantly. Mufasa being an orphan, Sarabi and Zazu being a team, Taka/Scar being descended from a bloodline, the white lions, EVERYTHING about Rafiki. It truly feels original. Regardless as to whether or not it's canon, it's an interesting exploration of the world we know and love, done by people who really understand the movie.

The songs are amazing. Lin Manuel Miranda did his absolute best for them and they manage to serve the plot and characters pretty well. LMM is a pretty hit or miss guy when it comes to music. Sometimes he can flop and we get shit like Scuttlebutt, but other times he hits the bull's eye and we get stuff like Moana, Encanto, and Mufasa. He was on his A-game tonight.

The voice acting had actual direction unlike the remake. The actors had a lot of fun behind the scenes and it's very easy to tell, even without the interviews. And the singing *cheff's kiss.*

CONS:

This movie tries very hard in a lot of directions, but there are some areas where it doesn't really try hard enough. I feel like a few things were a bit underdeveloped. For example, Rafiki's exile. Just, stretch that scene out 3-4 more minutes to establish Rafiki as a character, his traits, the nature of his baboon tribe, and THEN banish him. Or Taka's relationship with Obasi, maybe do a bit more to commentate on the toxic values that Taka grew up with and how they stuck with him, maybe that is one of the things that hints to him not being worthy of the throne, compared to Mufasa's more progressive influence and proaction. Anything besides that stupid fucking love triangle. And maybe some more Sarabi/Zazu backstory, we get to truly see the closeness between them, maybe Sarabi saves Zazu, and vice versa during the climax. What they do with them is fine, but, there was room for more.

Timon and Pumbaa had some good scenes here but also some duds. At the end of the day, they provide some interesting commentary and jokes to lighten the mood but... I think their humor could've been improved upon, especially with how Pumbaa acts too much like Timon and that kinda breaks the whole idea of them being polar opposites. If Disney ever does make a live-action remake of The Lion King 3 (and you bet your ass they will)... they really gotta change how they're utilizing these two.

I know I went on about how this movie's strengths are regardless of canon, especially with how it contradicts both the original and the remake, but there were some parts where I couldn't fully suspend my disbelief, even if you shut canon out of the window. Like, the lionesses we see in the climax helping Sarabi. Is Sarafina amongst them? If not, who? If the cub isn't Nala, who is it? If the cub is Nala, why does she look like she's Simba's age, yet she looks no older than Simba when he's a grown cub? Even if you age them naturally like IRL animals, those numbers still don't add up. And the hyenas. They appear at the end during Mufasa's coronation and bow. Okay... what did they do to get banished or become enemies? I know the story couldn't have shown too much focus over them but why have them there only to gloss over it if it didn't mean much of anything? Not only that, but the hyenas fucking bow down to Mufasa. I'm sorry- BOW??? IN WHAT UNIVERSE???? IN WHAT FUCKING UNIVERSE???? What kind of KFP 4 Lord Shen bullshit is going on here? My suspension of disbelief can only go so far before it is utterly decimated😭😭

The pacing can be a bit better. Some things overall do go on too fast (which results in my first point as to how things can be undercooked, it's a sympton of the issue) or in the case of other scenes like Taka trying to rizz up Sarabi... go on for way too long. It doesn't horrifically bog down the film and there are many, many, many scenes where the pacing is to this movie's advantage, but it could do better in some areas.

Sarabi and Zazu were nowhere to be found in the present day. Unless you count one of those lionesses walking her and her son back home, but still.... HATRED. Is Sarabi not allowed to live past the TLK 1 story???? Is this Disney's subtle way of killing her off, what the FU-

Final Thoughts:

This movie was always destined to be better than The Lion King 2019, but only because of the low bar. A good concept can go along way as long as there is a good execution (there was a lot of potential for the remake, but the management of it lead to an utter waste of a film).

For years I prayed for this film not to suck - with each and every update that this film had, I would manifest that it wouldn't be shit, bare mininum - bc it's a film that SHOULDN'T suck with how good of a concept they had in their hands and how EVERYTHING for this film relied on the execution, especially coming off the heels of an awful film that, like I said, lowerred the bar below the Marianas Trench.

And, despite some of my earlier gripes, nitpicks, and critiques, - I was right.

THIS MOVIE DID NOT SUCK.

Does it have flaws? Yes. Is it perfect? No. Is it as good as the original? Definitely no. But it... it truly is something to behold, and a masterpiece nonetheless that, if anything, will not fail to entertain. With really good writing, nice songs, relatable and interesting characters, a very engaging story, and is [mostly] serviceable as an origin story for some of these characters, canon or otherwise. I am most likely gonna get a lot of people to disagree with me but that's what I stand by. Overall, worth the four year long wait (4 years, fucking really..?). At worst, it's decent, and at best, it's amazing.

FINAL RANKING: 8/10

The movie's opening weekend has only just begun, and reviews and meandering in very opposite directions, but if and when this movie does perform well, I wouldn't be surprised if this was the last time we see these characters again.

[void-of-unparalled-chaos]

Twice now I have tried to make a reblog reply about Walter and twice now Tumblr has eaten it. So let's try it this way @chaos-bringer-13

Allow me to take you back to the ✨QUARANTINE DAYS✨ and tell you the tale of a pumpkin that may or may not have housed a god

So back in good old 2020/21 we are in the thrall of the COVID-19 pandemic. My state in particular had super heavy quarantine restrictions, and as someone with lung issues, my mom and myself were not taking any chances. I haven't left my house in maybe 5 months. Nor have I seen any of my friends outside of video calls. Senior year of High School so far has sucked.

I'm talking to my friend, we'll call her Marie, and I mention off hand "Yeah I'm starting to feel a bit lonely." Now Marie has known me for a solid 8 years at this point. She knows my type of humor and attachment to what we would now and days call "skrungly" objects. She decides "hmm. I can fix this!"

Marie's mom (who was... certainly a human being) for some god forsaken reason decided to buy a white pumpkin and give it to Marie with the idea that she would harvest the seeds from it and plant them in the garden (why she did this instead of just buying pumpkin seeds I will never know). Instead of doing this, Marie takes this pumpkin and draws a realistic face on it that can only be described as similar to the handsome squidward meme. She drives to my house, sets the pumpkin on my doorstep with a note, and then FUCKING BOOKS IT.

I open the door to see this pumpkin with a note that reads "Hello Momther, I am Walter."

(Not the best photo but this is in fact Walter sitting in the dark in my front yard while Marie (not pictured) stands on my driveway holding a single candle and chanting).

Anyway immediately I take him inside completely smitten and unknowing as to what this pumpkin will create.

At this point of quarantine, we have gone back to classes but they are completely online. I decide that the best thing I could possibly do with Walter is set him on a stack of notebooks behind me so that when I turn my camera on he would be there... watching. Notably, one guy who never unmuted himself did so just long enough to ask "Void... what the fuck is that."

Needless to say I got endless entertainment from the reactions, but all good things have to come to an end. Unfortunately, I live in a desert and pumpkins simply don't survive. They typically would rot within a few days where I was living at the time, so my Mom told me to move it outside at least. I decide to put him by the front door. This front door has a little half wall that leads up to it. I put him on top of it facing the walkway so whenever a package is delivered the mailman would be faced with Walter and have to make eye contact before leaving the mail. I figure I'll probably get a couple more days out of him before he rots.

This is where it starts to get weird

Another week passes. Two. Unlike every single pumpkin I've ever had for Halloween, Walter shows no signs of rotting despite being exposed to the elements. The pumpkin is at this point about a month and a half old and still perfectly fine. Marie, our friends, and I all kind of laugh it off as a random one time thing and expect it to rot within another week.

IT. FUCKING. DOESN'T.

4 months into having Walter and he is still as good as new. Around this time the vaccines for covid started rolling out, so my friends and I get to see each other again. They are just as baffled as me about Walter. Of course, us being us, we have been referring to Walter like an actual person this whole time because that's just our humor. We give him little head pats and forehead rubs as we enter or leave my house and say hello/goodbye to him.

Also around this time, my mom and myself are beginning to prep for moving to another state. We have also started doing some in person classes again. I had been cleaning out my room one morning, and just so happened to leave a piece of sea glass in front of Walter as I left for school. I had a strangely good day. Managed to get an A on a test if I remember right. I come home, see the glass in front of the pumpkin, and start thinking. The next day I leave him something else. Another good luck day! I try this again and every single time I leave him an offering something good happens! I tell my friends about it and they start doing it too and experiencing the same results. We decide that he must be some god of luck inhabiting this pumpkin vessel and rewinding time on it to keep it from rotting.

At some point someone gave him an orange and I swear to god the pumpkin started getting orange marks on its forehead. He still wasn't rotting though! We decided that he obviously has been absorbing the power from the offerings.

Around this time I realise the I have somehow created a partially serious cult and decide I might as well lean into it. I actually enlisted the help of the neighbor kids to take this photo.

Time passes. Walter is about 10 months old now and still going strong. We have graduated highschool and I'm going to be moving in a week. I can't take Walter with me, so Marie decides she will take him. But first, she is going to help us move. It's a 6 hour drive. We put Walter in the passenger seat window so that all the cars passing us can see him.

After she helps us, Marie and Walter continue on to yet another state where Marie will be attending university. Walter is almost if not a year old when he finally starts to rot. Marie, in her dorm room mind you, makes a plaster cast of his head and redraws his face on it. To this day Walter hangs in his new, more durable vessel, guarding her spice cabinet.

By the end of Walter's reign, he had reached his 1st birthday, scared who knows how many mailmen, met 3 of my teachers in person, visited 3 USA states, and briefly had an instagram account.

[rowanlevine]

🎙️ NEW EPISODE OF SUPLEX SOCIETY:

rare sit down with hook, @worshipme

the heartbreak and excitement of being a wrestling fan on monday

sad news about juice robinson

speculations and online chatter about returns

chatting about theme songs on my spotify wrapped

& MORE

transcript of the HOOK interview for subscribers. ⤵

did you have any early memories as a kid around wrestling events or training sessions? anything funny or surreal that made you think, ‘this is a wild life’?

not around wrestling, no. dad never wanted me to get into the business, actually. he'd get me signed up for a whole lot of other stuff though. judo. football. but it's definitely when i started playing lacrosse that i realized i had a crazy life. had the best gear always and my friends called me 'gucci' or 'gooch' for short. i even had my own personal trainer and nutritionist working directly with me. kind of crazy for a kid to have, you know?

you’re building a really unique look and brand for yourself. do you have any style icons or fashion inspirations that influence your personal style?

i just wear what i think looks cool. there isn't anyone that really inspires my look because i just find something i like and i'll wear it.

your in-ring presence has this silent, deadly intensity, almost like an old-school action star vibe. was that a conscious choice, or did it evolve naturally?

i think it evolved naturally. i mean, i definitely made the conscious decision to keep this character. when it really comes down to it, the persona really came around because it's just an extension of who i am. i really like keeping to myself and my circle small. if i don't like you? i'm judging you in secret. 

how do you balance wanting to make your own mark in wrestling with the legacy of your dad, taz?

the ftw championship played a huge part in me making my break while still keeping up my dad's legacy. when we started to realize that with the championship i'd sorta reached a plateau, we retired it. my dad's legacy will always be there, he'll always be a name that people recognize. i gotta work to be like that too.

i know you’re big into fashion and modeling, and that’s pretty unique for a male wrestler. what’s the last piece of clothing or fashion trend that got you excited?

warren lotas's current drop right now is super sick. i went through and got one of everything in my size, i can't lie. especially since its all like hoodies and sweats. i'll never have enough of those. if it ain't comfy, then i don't want it.

what’s the most memorable moment you’ve had in wrestling so far that made you think, ‘this is why i do it’?

god, this might expose me. but definitely when i wrapped that chain around my knuckles and gave that flying punch to preston vance and he ended up getting busted open. that was sick as fuck.

have you ever had a fan interaction that changed how you view your career?

oh, for sure. there was this little boy who's a fan of mine and he was all like 'you're so cool, HOOK! i want to do what you do!' that whole interaction made me realize that this was more than just getting to be on tv, meeting hot girls, and making money. there were little kids who looked up to me and thought i was cool - like a superhero. shit's wild. oh sorry, can i swear? sure, but i might have to charge you per swear, standard profanity tax. [laughs]

you don’t talk a ton on social media, which makes you a bit of an enigma. how do you decide what parts of your life you’re comfortable sharing with fans?

i mean, i've always been like that my whole life. i never really saw the point of posting on social media unless it was to show off. i also just hate people being in my business so i try to keep everything private. so really, i only post whatever i wanna show off or think is cool.

when you think of your legacy, is there a certain message or vibe you hope people will associate with HOOK years down the line?

i hope people remember me as a badass. that's really it.

if you could take a year off to master a new skill or learn something totally different, what would you choose?

honestly? i'd totally try my own hand at game design. my best friend's making his own game right now and it looks sick. i think i'm creative enough where i'd be able to make my own story game. or i just code my own fortnite-esque battlegrounds game. kidding, kidding. that genre's so oversaturated.

RAPID FIRE

favorite sneaker brand? vans one song you’ve had on repeat lately? power trip - j.cole, miguel a place you’d love to visit next? milan, italy favorite movie to rewatch? the dark knight dog or cat person? dog so telling socksock about this! best meal you can cook? i'm real good at making steaks. like reallll good. you're missing out.

[chrimsonfoxdon]

Ooh question, you mentioned rewatching as an adult, and I'm curious, what kinds of things do you view differently now? I'm rereading the manga after a long time too, and the big thing I'm noticing is that I have more compassion now, especially towards characters who I didn't realize reminded me of myself and not in the best ways 😂 And especially during part 1 I found myself wondering why we don't see their parents more often (for those who still have them) and who took care of them growing up (for the others).

I have felt similar!! Ok I’m gonna maybe list stuff out on what I’ve noticed I view differently.

Very long post under the cut of me rambling (again)!

1. My Opinion on What I Consider Good Media Has Changed

Starting with this one as I feel it’s a big overarching thing that’ll dictate all my other opinions and thoughts. I’ve watched, read, and listened to A LOT of other series and media since I first started watching Naruto (also you know life experience and such), so I have a better idea of what is “good” media and what is “bad.” When I was younger, I considered Naruto to be the best of the best, but I don’t think that now (as far as anime that title now goes to FMA:B it’s very good please watch it if you haven’t oh my god). It has a lot of flaws, some endearing and others… not so much. Granted that’s any piece of media. Nothing is perfect (not even FMA:B). But despite that, I’ve also learned that it’s ok to still enjoy it!! Imo it’s not all bad, I mean, we’re still here discussing it yea?

I guess the TLDR of this part is: it’s cringe but that’s ok cuz life is short and we should enjoy the stuff we like.

2. Female Characters/Feminism

I feel like, while these are different topics, they’re very linked together in how I watch Naruto now so I’m putting them together. When I was younger, I didn’t like really any of the female cast (except Tenten). I found them “annoying,” to put it simply. Sakura always chasing after Sasuke?? Lame. Ino being obsessed with her looks?? Shallow. Hinata losing to Neji? Weak. I began to think that I didn’t like those characters because I didn’t like female characters mostly as a whole (which is kinda hilarious cuz I did start making Chihiro back then who does in fact identify as a woman LOL!!). But this negative attitude towards female characters not only leaked into how I consumed other media, but how I saw myself and other women irl. Like I distinctly remember believing that a woman could never beat a guy in anything. Which is uh… not true!! And kinda fucked up!!!

Now that I’m older I just realize that kishimoto doesn’t know how to write women all that well. Imo, it’s not the girls’ faults, it’s their creator. Which is disappointing but also freeing almost?? Plus, I can now appreciate what good they do have to offer!! (I talked a little about the konoha 12 girls and what I like about them in this ask in case you’d like details on individual characters)

I think also being exposed to other fans with differing opinions and views has helped me with this as well. When I first started watching I didn’t really go online (wasn’t a thing in Cuba plus I wasn’t really interested), so I didn’t really have other perspectives to bounce off of.

Also wanted to add that there are definitely parts of the show I laughed off before but you know, just are not acceptable nowadays. Mainly thinking of Shikamaru talking down on girls/women, Neji made a rude comment about girls too (that Tenten corrected him on tho thank you queen), and some bits that could be perceived as a little transphobic (I’m not trans tho so I don’t wanna speak for them on that bit). Its viewpoints that I feel are a product of the time, but does not make the overall series bad per se.

3. Seeing Other Children as a Child VS as an Adult

Ngl since I grew up with Naruto, I feel as if I will always see them as my peers in a sense. If anything, almost like the “older kids” in school. Like I don’t know if this is a common perception, but I remember when I was like in 2nd grade I saw 6th graders as like tiny adults, but then when I was in 6th grade I saw 2nd graders as like babies. Does that make sense?? Anyway, it’s interesting rewatching Naruto as an adult and seeing my “peers” when they were younger. I remember thinking that 12 & 13 year olds were badass and cool and practically ready for the real world (I was like 8 or 9 when I first started watching leave me alone), and being amazed at stuff like the chunin exams. Nowadays my brain just kinda goes “why are we letting these CHILDREN go to war???” It’s a similar story with like the sensei. Thinking they’re so experienced and old and… now I’m the same age as them and I’m still young!!

4. Might Gai is Cringe and I Love Him For That

The way I didn’t appreciate this man when I was a kid is a CRIME. Teaching his students (and friends) that it’s important to find joy in life is SO IMPORTANT and Gai just does an EXCELLENT job with that!! He strives to be a source of light for the people in his life, and to show others it’s important to smile and laugh from time to time. It warms my cold dead grownup heart what can I say. There’s a line in OG Naruto after Lee beats Sasuke in their fight before the chunin exams, where Naruto turns to Sasuke and Sakura as their cringing at Lee and Gai and says, “actually, it’s kinda sweet how they’re all hugging and stuff!” And that kinda summarizes my thoughts on them.

TLDR Might Gai is cringe but he is free and I love him so much for that.

5. Seeing Myself in Characters I Didn’t Before

Off the top of my head, the three characters I see myself in more so now than when I was younger is definitely Choji, Lee, and Tenten.

I was never popular growing up, especially when I moved back to the US after living in Cuba. Kids just didn’t wanna play with me or have me on their sports teams, so I was purposefully left out oftentimes, kinda like how choji was when he was younger. Rewatching that part made me cry honestly HAHA I saw myself so clearly. I’m also plus size so the beauty standards he has to deal with really speak to me. I remember Shikamaru telling him one time that girls don’t have to be skinny to be pretty and I would be lying if that didn’t give me a huge amount of confidence in myself.

Rock Lee’s story has always been top notch, but as someone who chose to specialize in a path that I didn’t really have natural talent for myself it REALLY speaks to me now. I’ll be 100% honest, I was never really one of those “been drawing since I could hold a pencil” kind of kids. I liked it, but I didn’t really consider myself any good until like 8th grade or so. Anyway, there’s this scene where Lee is crying at the training grounds cuz he’s scared that, no matter how hard he works, it’ll all be for nothing and that he’ll always be a loser, and uh… had to turn the show off cuz that struck WAAAAAAAY too close to home for me as an artist with a… let’s be real, a failing art business. Anyway, he inspires me though to keep going cuz this is what brings me joy. I may take longer than most, but that doesn’t mean I’m less of a person for it.

Tenten I’ve honestly seen a lot of myself in even when I was younger! But there’s this filler episode that goes into detail on how she tried really hard to be just like Tsunade, since that was her dream since she was little. Turns out she doesn’t have the capacity to do that (not being able to do medical ninjutsu well, etc), but she finds her own strengths along the way. What really spoke to me was letting go of your childhood dreams. It’s hard. It feels like you’re failing in a way. But Tenten was able to persevere and find a new and even better path forward for herself. And that’s just amazing. I love seeing that, and it helps me feel as if I too and maybe find my path.

6. Final Thoughts and Random Little Things

I think it’s also safe to say that I can pick up on story flaws (I’m looking at you 4th great ninja war arc) and inconsistencies (how the heck does the hyuga clan work wtf). It’s a long series and nowadays you can binge the whole thing in one sitting (I don’t recommend that please take care of yourself). Back in my day I had to wait a whole week to watch the next 26 minute episode with commercials in between. Also I was a kid. AHAHA!! But again, long series, so I’m sure Kishi forgot about certain details while he was being pushed to continue the series.

Also my views on certain things that happened in the series changed based on what I know what happens later, which I find to be quite fun!

Overall I still enjoy the series, both for similar reasons as I did back in the day (Neji) and for new reasons!! Flaws and all. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk

[sparrow-in-boots]

So here I am, gathering references for my Desmond study, as one does, and I reach AC3. I brace myself for impact because I have the original un-mastered version, and I find the remaster flattens the models too much and kinda, plastifies them?? which makes figuring out dimensions hard. So I gotta deal with, a lot of lighting and rendering bullshit instead. Fun all around.

I start the game and get to screenshooting, and I notice Desmond has some drastic pale palms going on. Like, oddly so. I shrug it off for now, but then I notice that Bill Miles also has them. And, Shaun? Some more gameplay in and we reach Haytham and, he has the same stark pale palms situation going on. Ngl, I'm baffled.

Speaking of averages and my own observations, people with pale skin don't get that stark pale palms even when they tan. They get some faint distinction, but it's mostly from a tanning gradient, the undersides of your arms don't get as exposed to sunlight so less tan. Meanwhile people with naturally brown skin do have distinct pale palms that clashes even with their own tanning gradient.

Now, I know for a fact Haytham doesn't have enough melanin in him to have naturally brown skin, that's a white man. He might not burn in the sun but c'mon, this feels too stark. Not only that, but the skintone just, don't match? Their hands are too red undertoned while Haytham's and Desmond's faces are much less so.

So I decide to do some digging. Now, I have no know-how on how to rip assets in games and god forbid, translate them to something like Blender. But I do know that machinimas were big back in the day, and that includes a lot of AC character models being used for gifs and videos and such, so I delve into DA for some model refs. And indeed, I find them, and...

Yeah, that's not the same skintone. And after looking at some other screenshots online, even in game the skintone is very much not a match. So what's up with that?

It turns out that as far as I can tell, Ubi did about three skintones (pale, brown and dark) for each gender, by modifying a base skin texture's levels or smth, thus why the palms are so stark. They used the same skintone for the native npcs, Connor, Haytham, Bill, and Desmond. Likewise, Ziio and Prudence share the same skin texture. Which, royally sucks for reference taking, despite being a fairly common game dev trick to shrink asset production.

Where am I going with this? Nowhere really, I'm simply annoyed. ACR very much whitewashed Desmond, but AC3 did um... something alright.

[esta-elavaris]

I’m sorry if this is invasive- plz ignore if so! :)- but what inspired your spiritual journey?

Not invasive, I don't mind! Also won't be a short answer tho.

So I went to a very Christian primary school, not because it was Christian but because it was just the best primary school in the area but it just also happened to be Christian, and my parents were very laidback in terms of wanting me to choose my own religion - they didn't even have me christened or anything when I was a baby. Father is a fckn devout athiest, mother was a Christian believer (I do have a very fun story about her making my aunt promise not to tell my brother and I the proper Christian beliefs, because she wasn't willing to follow the beliefs to the letter so therefore believed she would go to hell, and didn't want us getting into heaven if she wasn't getting in, which is wild and very funny).

ANYWAY I believed in the whole Christianity thing for a hot second just because I was a six year old who was singing hymns every single morning so like, not surprising. By the time I moved on to middle school I didn't believe in any of it, and then when I was around? 13? I started dabbling in different beliefs, just because I was a big ol' goth and the goth shops do tend to also deal in witchy stuff, so I was always exposed to it and always curious, and I just always had a sort of sense that there was something there, I just didn't know what.

At first I delved into Wicca, it's the most accessible, there's sooo much about it online (the trick these days is finding witchy resources that aren't fucking Wiccan), I feel like it's most people's gateway into alternative religions, and the whole thing with Wicca is the concept of "the god" and "the goddess", so you're encouraged to meditate on the concept of those two deities and try to feel "connections" with them, but I could only ever feel the presence of "the god" (one god in particular, turns out, but I didn't know that yet) and never "the goddess" -- and because I'm me, I was like "o shit the goddess has beef with me lmao she doesn't like me". But I mean, in addition to that problem, Wicca just wasn't "clicking" with me. I knew there was something there in terms of faith, I could feel some sort of presence, but I also knew that when I found the right thing I'd know it.

By this point I must've been around 15, and I was pretty heavily active in the goth/alt scene on here on my old account, and there's a lot of overlap between that community and the Norse Pagan community on socials, so a lot of my mutuals openly followed the Norse gods, and I was just kinda like "...huh" about it, where something was nagging at me but I didn't know where to begin because it's a hell of a thing to dive into.

And as a general rule of thumb, if a deity is trying to get your attention, they're gonna get your attention, you don't get away with being wilfully blind for long. So I was getting all of these signs, but I was reluctant because this also coincided with the time period that everybody was losing their shit over Marvel and Tom Hiddleston in particular, so pagan communities were being fckn invaded by rabid fangirls who were using the faith as an outlet for the fact that they wanted to shag Chris Hemsworth, and the last thing I wanted to be seen as was one of them, so I kept it all very quiet and was very reluctant to get anywhere near it, especially because a lot of the signs I was getting did appear to be coming from Loki and my gut feeling deep down was that it was him.

So I was in denial about it for a while, I accepted that the Norse thing felt right in general, and deep down I knew the Loki aspect of it did too, but being a teenage goth in that period of time who tried to claim "Loki is reaching out to me" would just look fucking ridiculous (and idk why I cared so much about the look of things but I mean, I was a teenager, it's a given) so I tried to convince myself that it was Frey, but that didn't feel right either, and I did/do fit the archetype of that Loki does tend to gravitate towards in a devotee - abusive history, "outsider", creative - and his signs often tend to come in the form of spiders and I was getting a lot of them where I typically did not usually. And when I began to really question if it was him, I started getting MORE spiders, as if confirming it, but I was still in denial, so one day I figured "okay if I get a spider tomorrow, that's it, that's who it is." and I went to school the next day, and in my first class of the day there was a big ass spider square in the middle of my assigned desk - in a school that I'd attended for years, and never had? Random insects? So that was wild, I could explain that away less than I could the ones I'd encountered in my house, and that was when I accepted it, even if I did keep it secret for years and years to follow.

I've only started getting really open about it in the last few years - my friends have always known, my brother is the only one in my family that knows explicitly (but I mean, the others have seen the tattoos and can probably do some guesswork), but I pretty much refused to discuss it online for a long time because it only seemed to invite wank - but then I stopped caring and that fear proved pointless because people have generally been great about it, bar an incident with a lad who pretended to have the same beliefs a few years back in order to try and flirt with me 🫠🫠🫠

Another funny incident was for my 16th birthday party I had a tarot card reader who was also like, into spiritualism/sensing presences she kept telling me I had some sort of entity hanging around me who was "linked to horses" and I thought at first she meant like, a ghost, so I didn't put those pieces together but uhhh the main myth about Loki that everybody knows does indeed feature a horse, so that always makes me laugh in hindsight.

For a couple of years back in the beginning I just considered myself a Norse pagan who primarily worked with Loki, even though I never felt much of a "bond" with the other deities and seldom reached out to them with a few exceptions, and all of my daily offerings did exclusively just go to him, but by the time I was applying to universities I felt massively called to be an all-out Loki devotee/for him to be my patron god "officially", and then in September '21 I finally did a formal dedication ritual just to make everything official, but by that point I'd been living it for the better part of a decade, so it was just a formality. I'd already had his rune tattooed behind my ear for like four years by that point.

This is a vastly summarised explanation and it's already stupidly long - a lot of it is about signs and gut feelings, and knowing when something is a sign and when it's a coincidence, and in the case of Norse stuff specifically it is called "the religion that comes with homework" because there's just so much reading to do, but my overall story is essentially "Loki kicked down my door and made himself at home (and I wouldn't want it any other way)". It's not a one size fits all kind of journey, mine was actually made very easy for me because I wasn't the one having to make the initial overtures//I didn't have to "shop around" and test out bonds and see which deity/deities I had the best fit with, the biggest hurdle in my case was paying attention to the signs I was being given without worrying about "how it looked". I was very lucky in my case. Lad saw a kid Going Through It and stepped in. (And typing that last sentence has me tearing up, I cannot lie.)

And now I just try to live in a way that he would approve of -- which, happily, is also the way I want to live. Which is what he would approve of. Nice wee cycle there.

[the80srewinders]

What the fuck is wrong with your cyber dependent ass. Why the fuck do you hate people who go offline for five minutes. Oh, yeah, because you're too retarded and crippled to have a life outside of the Internet you worthless fuck. Real people with real trauma don't spend that much time online you dumbfuck. Real people with real trauma have real jobs and therapy, shit you don't have or else your pussy ass wouldn't throw around sui threats. Your Internet addicted trauma-free weak ass and zoomer screen zombies like your poser ass are why we have so many fucking toxic DID communities, and fucking frankly, why we have only DID communities because you fake ass fucks are fascinated by DID. I've already called out your fake pussy ass for faking CSA, your last post just gave me another tool in exposing your faker poser ass. I mean, we all know you're faking trauma and DID because you admitted yourself you ain't got shit that the "valid survivors" do and that's your fucking words not mine. Instead of chronic pain, chronic fatigue or chronic illness, your weak pussy ass ended up chronically online and we all know chronically online people don't have shit wrong with them physically and you can fucking bet they never had trauma a day in their lives. People who use the Internet too much like you are toxic ass bimbos. I hope your iPad gets taken away so you can finally go out into the real world, touch some fucking grass and for God's sake, get raped while you're at it. Then you'll know the pain us real trauma survivors deal with.

poor attempt at tryna be "gangsta" 😹

first off i wouldn't be cyber dependent or wtv if we had people irl who supported us besides therapists, you don't know the situation you're just jumping to conclusions because you're a bigot

i don't hate people who go offline. I hate people who hate technology, hate the Internet, etc. and I hate people who are dumb like u n generalize the Internet as a whole as bad when it's not, it's js trolls like u on social media that make ppl think dat

besides resources on the Internet saved our life at our most low points, ofc wed defend technology especially Internet, how fkn ableist can u b

thanks, I already knew that and yk what? I can fucking kms if it would make u feel better bc I've hated myself for those reasons years before i was allowed on the internet 😘

first off... do u even hv real trauma? sure doesn't sound like it from the asks u been sendin atp or else you'd know us trauma survivors flock online bc it's a dangerous thing to talk ab irl. for reasons I shouldn't hv to state if ur a real trauma survivor. which I doubt u r 😹

your ask about me faking CSA because I wasn't hypermobile is a line of shi. ain't no1 out there who's rly been sa'd gon believe that or u.

uh bish how the fuck do u know wat I do and don't? for your fuckin information I hv been in therapy for DID treatment since dx in Nov 2022. n js bc I can't get legally employed doesn't mean I don't do shi for ppl that the body is able to do, which ain't much but it's smt like u js be tryna judge my life and what u think I do atp

also ik wtf i said.

I ain't fascinated by DID bitch I wish I didn't live w it. if u actually read any of my posts on our personal experiences you'd know how much I hate it. but mk, that doesn't fit wit ur narrative so u had to gloss over dat n move on

haha u contradict urself here. "chronically online people don't have anything wrong with them physically" bitchhh do u hear urself how u sound. first u were goin off on me bc I was too "crippled" which is an ableist slur for a physically disabled person now ur sayin I ain't got shi wrong w me. damnnn you js hate chronically online ppl atp like wtf is ur problem. being online literally every hour ur awake isn't healthy n I don't stand for dat but I also don't do dat either 😘 I'm online a lot and never go outside unless it's to go out in public but I do hella offline indoor activities too, bc yk that's a thing

i know imma bimbo, ur js jealous bc u don't have a sex life 😘 maybe if you stopped touching grass youd hv a sex life too

i already said this before n I ain't gon say it again i neva had an ipad. also thanks for telling me to get raped, i actually hv hundreds of times n as much as dat sounds like a stretch or made up, I can assure u 100% it's true n my fkn body is messed up from being raped so many fkn times. I've been raped again this yr and u don't know how many times I get sa'd by family members. u ain't no real trauma survivor or else u wouldn't wish dis on som1. fuck you bish.

[carnival-core]

Ok I think it's finally time to give my thoughts on the kink discourse and pro/anti ship etc in my own words bc it's been a hot topic lately and god do I have thoughts . Under the cut because this will be long

I think policing what people can and cannot write based off moral value is a slippery slope and will never just end at things that actually hurt people, especially not in a society that sees gay and trans people existing as actively harmful. That's sadly just how it kind of works. Which is why I try my best to block and move

However like.... to say things like unsanitary fetishes, or foot or latex or shortstack fetishes , or honestly even CNC/rapeplay when done properly and properly tagged , is on the same level as things like incest or pedophilia is insane to me.

I will not judge what two consenting nonrelated adults do in their own privacy and what they choose to roleplay is their business but on the Internet especially , the things you post and the content you make can and will affect people, this is a reality and responsibility you need to accept.

A lot of my opinions come from the fact I Was groomed online, exposed to things way too young by a grown adult and several older teenagers when I was barely a teen myself. Shotacon and incest stories and roleplay were something I was subjected to a lot. And something so many other children also will be, and I think that's something people just need to accept.

I think "we need to stop pedojacketing trans people, especially trans women, for enjoying kinks that are 'unacceptable'" and "don't police what others do to cope if it isn't harming them or others directly" as well as "Internet Grooming and pedophilia are real things that happen and not some boogeyman scenario" and "yes trans people can be pedophiles or do things that put children or adults at risk" aren't like contradictory information

But ... I guess like , it is difficult to know what to do huh , it should be a parents job to protect their kids and monitor their access but I know at the very least I didn't do shit to tell my parents what I was going through because being grounded or being monitored was seen as a punishment and I needed a space away from them

[ha-youwish]

This is not a vent post, it’s a book recommendation and self-analysis kinda. Please consider reading this, I won’t blame you if you don’t.

Last year around this time, my granddaddy passed away. Usually, online and in formal spaces I would call him my grandfather, but that’s not what I call him and I will not limit myself for this post.

Last year around this time I was beginning my second semester of college ever. I was not doing so well. My grades were low because my attendance was abysmal and my work outside the class was shit. However the previous semester I had taken a class that I was able to stick around for more than the rest.

This class was studying how different major religions and cultures coped with death and how they thought of the afterlife. I bought the books for that class with financial aid and never read them.

Just now I got done reading one of the books, When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold S. Kushner, never read it until I found it sitting around today.

It’s a relatively short book, under 200 pages, about how Kushner deals with the question “Why do bad things happen to good people?” from his place as a rabbi.

Now I don’t have any sort of relationship with god. i’m not strictly atheist or anything but i tend to believe in whatever religion people want me to believe in if they ask me to pray for them or a family member.

when grandaddy died, i had nothing to fall back on. granddaddy was extremely religious and generous, i am so incredibly grateful he was involved in my life and there for me. but people from his church said it was a part of god’s plan or that there was a reason he passed when he did and when i was in such a low state at college already.

i moved away to college and the landlord sold my home. i was in an unfamiliar uncomfortable place where the only place i felt fully comfortable was now completely inaccessible. my mom moved in with grandaddy and took care of him before he passed. it was tense. he was kind but old and stubborn and so is everyone else. the drain of taking care of someone can be worth it, but that doesnt mean its not there.

i was, and am, dealing with severe depression surrounded by other gloomy people who didnt make it much better. i never went to class and i had, and have, crushing guilt that i was wasting the time and money of my family.

and then granddaddy went to the hospital. and then he died. and its unfair.

all of it is unfair, and if it was a part of gods plan then hes fucking unfair too.

now, i have not necessarily moved on. my fingers shake still if i think about it too long. i dont even know if im going to post this because of how exposed and raw i feel. but its important to me that somehow in some way this gets expressed and that someone other than myself will read it.

your suffering was unfair, whether it was a lot or a little. the world is unfair. we all know it. i hope you know that you will never be able to look into the eyes of someone who has never known suffering, and i hope you can find some comfort in that connection.

this book is from the point of view from a religious man. it talks a lot about a god i dont believe in. but the way it talks about suffering and how it effects people makes it helpful for me to parse my own feelings and thoughts.

so feel free to replace god with whatever you want, with humanity and spirit and the universe and everything good. here are some quotes, alt text included:

- sometimes i convince myself that what i feel is nothing more than chemicals, that the regret i feel from not driving home the day before and visiting before he passed was just something my mind is doing.

i once stayed up late at grandaddys house after he passed and i was shoved right back into school like my life hadnt just gotten its shit rocked.

my mom was in her room asleep, but i really couldn’t take it anymore. we stayed up late just talking through how we felt after i had cried to her. and to be completely honest, hearing that she had regrets and wished for just a little more time fucking sucked. knowing the people around you are going through it sucks, even if it was to be expected

but we connected over that long early morning. we resolved almost nothing. i felt the same as i did before and granddaddys still dead and buried. but it was easier to go on after that.

another quote, a tldr if you don’t want to read the book but want to understand what he gets at, in the end of it all.

i dont think i can forgive other people for being unfair, not without effort. but i think i can forgive the universe because the unfairness is proof that people have choices. shit happens, you choose what to do after it.

for a lot of people, mourning and religion bring them the strength to move on, as he talks about in the book. things dont get better because of prayer that god will fix everything or the universe will set itself right again or you can escape through fantasy books to another world,

they get better because something gives us strength to get up again and keep moving. to kushner, thats god and people who came together to support him. to me, i dont know yet, i dont know if i’ve really started to pick up my life yet. but i think this book helped me start to see the bigger picture

[leedongwook]

seeing the other anons on here, regarding the whole reblog vs. like debate on tumblr, is interesting to me. and i must say that i'm a bit amused by the fact that getting blocked apparently causes so much anxiety in people that they simply refuse to use tumblr as intended. i was anxious when i got my first anon hate or when i was first blocked by someone 10+ years ago when i was still a teenager myself, but i'm glad that i always understood that none of this was a me problem. haters be hating, trolls be trolling. there are millions of bored, dissatisfied people who come online just because they think it's funny to make other people angry. this is why getting blocked and blocking others is a daily occurrence for every normal blogger on here, just as it's normal to meet people in real life who simply do not and will never like you for reasons x, y, and z. it's par for the course, it's life, baby, but nothing you should take personally because, in the end, we're all strangers here and none of this determines your value as a human being!

also, blocking is one of the most important tools to curate (a) your dash, (b) the tags you frequent, and (c) the interactions others have with you. it's quite literally the most polite, respectful, no-drama way to ensure that you do not start unnecessary online fights that are nothing but a big waste of time. the most efficient way to ascertain that you do not expose yourself to people, blogs, and content that you know make you angry, sad, or anxious. blocking is not a hateful action (well, if can be, but i think we should appreciate silence and keeping a respectful distance to each other over open hostility, flaming, and cancel culture). blocking is the tool we use to prevent trolling, cyberbullying, arguing, and cognitive dissonance. and that goes both ways! if somebody blocked you, always assume they have a reason for it, even if it may an incredibly simple or vague one. there must be one. and that's okay, and probably good for both of you. if the other person knows that you two will not get along, then trust in that decision and move on with your life.

like, this is the internet, with millions of strangers (many of them very young, and many more of them simply stupid af) who have very strong opinions on the most banal things you could never dream of arguing about. the other anon said they received hate for reblogging things: welcome to the club! i do point to what i already said above and want to ask directly: did you know that you can block anons in your inbox? did you know that you can disable the anonymous option in your inbox or even disable the entire inbox if necessary? did you know that you can disable comments and reblogs on your posts and that you can curate who is allowed to hit you up via chat function? did you screenshot the anon hate and share it privately with a friend so you can make fun of it together, as god intended? i promise that handling hate and curating your user experience aproperly gets easier the more you use all the tools that tumblr offers you.

most importantly, did you eventually manage to externalize the problem (i.e., realize that the real problem is the person who sent you hate) instead of internalizing it (i.e., thinking that you are not allowed to reblog/post anything anymore because some stranger on the internet was being an immature baby in your inbox once)? the last bit is essential. you have to learn that your blog is your house, and you can decorate it however you want, as long as you follow common netiquette regarding tagging and such. other are allowed to block you if that helps them curate their dash, as much as you are allowed to block them if that helps you to curate your dash.

if those are the big reasons why so many users are only liking posts but never reblogging nowadays, then i'm honestly unsure if you (@ the other anon, but also everybody else who might potentially read this and relate) should be on tumblr of all places. being able to handle some cognitive dissonance while you are blogging, whether it's because of something you come across while scrolling through tumblr or something that is directed towards you specifically, is essential. this is not instagram or twitter or tiktok, where the algorithm allows you to consume passively (i.e. liking posts) while remaining in your comfortable echo chambers and still contributing meaningfully to creative work, communities, and fandoms (i.e. your likes actually affect the algorithm in favor of the content you liked, which equals more exposure, which can even be turned into real life money).

tumblr is a content-centric website that is about curating your person dashboard and filling your own personal blog while not relying on a like-based algorithm. ergo, reblogs are the only currency on tumblr that truly counts because they are the only action that actively leads to the circulation of other people's content and facilitates the discovery of new blogs and users that you can connect/interact with. yes, liking is a quick form of appreciation, and we all use the like button for a variety of reasons that are all important in their own right, but you do not contribute to the survival of fandoms, to the real validation of creatives' works in form of more exposure (because unlike insta, tiktok, and co., likes and exposure are not linked here), and to the circulation of content by only using the like button. that passivity is not an issue on algorithm-based social networking sites because they do have an algorithm, but it surely is a problem on tumblr.

just to be clear: liking is not forbidden or frowned-upon in a general sense. but on tumblr dot com, unlike many other social networking sites, it's meant to be a side hustle at most.

if anyone feels unprepared or anxious to handle the tumblr-specific environment that was created for blogging (i.e you are meant to contribute by actually filling your personal blog with content that you either made yourself or that you reblog from others), then idk why y'all are here, in all honesty. i must ask this: do you even know what a blog is? it certainly feels like a lot of people all came here with the expectation that this is twitter 2.0, but the reason we're here is specifically because this is the blogging website. the website specifically made for blogging. why do people come to the blogging website just to refuse to reblog or post their own content? if all you want to do is use the like button, why aren't you literally anywhere else except here? nobody forces you to be here if that's not the type of social media experience that you enjoy. if you do not want to use the main feature of tumblr, which is Having Your Own Blog, then simply use sites where you do not have your own blog and are not expected to use said blog. it's as simple as that! don't complain when bloggers point out that you're simply invading their blogging space with foreign ideas of how netiquette must look like – tumblr has never been like the more popular sites, and that is a deliberate choice and something we love and appreciate it for! do you all also create wordpress accounts and then complain about having to use wordpress like it's intended to be used? do you also go to the gym and then complain that you have to actually use the dumbbells yourself instead of letting somebody else do all the work for you? i highly doubt it.

it makes absolutely no sense that so many people come to a place that has a specific environment only to refuse to adapt to how it works, which is why i find this entire debate so silly. we have so many websites we can choose from, but people choose to stay on the blogging website to complain about blogs and reblogs to the bloggers who have been blogging for years and actually know what blogging means.

meanwhile, the solution is so very simple: you could, instead, move the any algorithm-driven websites and click on every like button in sight until you die of old age! only liking posts does simply not meet the rightful expectations of the bloggers on tumblr who share their hard work on here and ask for no other reward except exposure, which is the same thing that every creator online wants, be it on twitter or insta or tiktok! exposure which you can only grant them with reblogs, because Liking Does Not Do Anything On A Website Without An Algorithm.

this weird passivity shrinks exposure to laughable sizes (200 notes max on a gifset that took hours, and 80% of those notes are likes?!), destroys creatives' motivation to create and share their work in the future, and inevitably deteriorates entire online communities and fandoms. if everyone was unwilling to blog on tumblr, this website would be empty. zero posts. empty dash. then what? you wouldn't be pressing any like buttons at all if everybody brought this attitude to the blogging website that was created specifically for sharing content. google dictionary on "sharing": have a portion of (something) with another or others; use, occupy, or enjoy (something) jointly with another or others. you enjoying a meal alone in your room (liking posts and not reblogging) is not the same as putting the meal on the table (reblogging it to your blog) and enjoying it with others (followers seeing your reblogs on their dash).

it's stupid. imposing algorithm-rotted expectations on how tumblr is supposed to work even though (a) it is fundamentally different from other social media sites and (b) has no fucking algorithm is stupid.

tl;dr tumblr netiquette does not have to adapt to you; you are the ones who have to adapt to the tumblr netiquette. people who have been here for years are rightfully angry at you for not adhering to the easily understandable social contract between creators and consumers.

I’m just gonna leave this here ✌️

[catsconflictscopicsandchamomile]

gods sometimes I hate that I can't think about Palestine, about everything going on in the world, 24/7.

I ask myself "well why not? why not just think about that stuff and school and chores? why does fUCKING FANDOM and special interests eat your life and personality like this? don't you have any empathy?"

and I know the answer. I know its because there have been MANY times in my life where I've taken my own advice and tried to think about "the issues" 24/7. I became a total asshole. angry, stupid, often self-destructive. I didn't make any change or contribution besides starting fights with strangers online, and any effort I DID make to contribute irl just led to so many messes that the people who were actually helping then had to step aside and clean up.

the times I'm most capable of help are when I'm able to keep a balance between awareness of the problems in the world, with other stuff (both fandom and just like... homework n shit). it feels SO wrong and SO un-natural to actively prioritize fandom, but I've tried the "right" way so much and been such a dick and done a good bit of harm.

and I've tried the "wrong" way this past year and done more good/participated more than ever.

results speak for themselves.

and ik everyone does activism differently.

I'm obviously not gonna break any boycotts, holy shit no. I'm still attending protests and making posters/art for local activist movements and doing what I can when I can.

its just so tempting to put 99.99999% of myself into REALLY feeling that grief and rage and helplessness... but again. I know, yknow?

I know how that ends. I may feel righteous and empathetic and, honestly, Cool(tm), but I'm not doing shit for anyone

if mainlining destiel into my brainstem lets me show up for protests and make art and do all of that while NOT being a total bag of dicks...

ugh. it just feels fucking weird

(& yes, I did try the "really feel it, no self-anesthetizing with fandom and no distancing myself from it on purpose" approach as recently as this fall. after physically forcing myself to not send threats to kill strangers' pets, exposing my unmasked face to cameras while chalking a govt building, being kinda socially inappropriate and considering vandalism, i realized that it does in fact still make me an asshole.)

like I feel guilty about purposefully distancing myself for these issues, but also simultaneously understand from past experience that this is the best way for me to make actual, meaningful contributions. its weird.

if i go full-in on Understanding(tm) it, I FEEL morally/spiritually superior, and sure, it MIGHT make me a better activist, but years of experience tell me that, despite how I'm perceiving myself in that moment, it wont.

if I keep distancing myself, ie LITERALLY PURPOSEFULLY seeking out fandom/yt brainrot/Shiny Happy Things to AVOID thinking about it, I do more. I'm involved more, go to more protests, meetings, talk to friends about it.

...that is the reverse of how those things should work.

I think this may be the same kind of reason I don't do existentialism or organized religion. there are some things, really deep or emotional things, that if I think abt them too hard I get stuck EXTREMELY far up my own ass in how I can "only" think of these things or else I'm "awful"

but that's it. its all just thinking. and feeling. and not acting.

...I guess I'll go back to obsessing over my little shows and ships, making actual contributions to anti-genocide, anti-colonialism, pro-palestine efforts

and wondering why the FUCK I'm like this.

...also ok tbh my desire for some kind of moral or spiritual depth/fulfillment/righteousness/forgiveness???? via immersing myself in the experience of VICTIMS OF ONGOING GENOCIDE to try to understand their experience is uhhh

creepy.

especially given that its at the direct detriment of my actual activism and to the emotional harm of peers and fellow activists.

yeah hm actually that is just kind of creepy. and not helpful.

[classyflowerking]

Part 1

Look at you begging to give up all your control and morals. Keep begging. Just know that I'm not going to plainly accept your submission, I'm going to take it.

I'm going to stalk you for until I know you routine while you continue to beg me to take you online and followmy commands. Your basically going to become predictable and cum drunk that you'll basically set up your own kidnapping without realizing it.

I'll tell you to go some dark secluded ally in an industrial part of town at night and edge until I tell you to stop or cum. After a good hour of edging I tell you to try and keep yourself on the edge for 90 seconds straight and then you can finally cum. I'm around the corner and as you're struggling hard not to cum I sneak up on you, throw a sack over your head and tighten a industrial strength zip tie around your neck to hold the sack on.

You immediately scream and are very frightened and try clawing at the sack and zip tie, but only for a few seconds because you realize you only had a few seconds left of edging before you were permitted to orgasm.

"Oh p- please sir, justjust let me finish myself real quick and then you can do whatever you want with me" you say to the man you're yet to realize is the same person who you have been pleading to do something like this to your for the last several months.

"What ever I want eh? Why not then, you have been going at it for a while now. But do you really think you deserve to cum yet?"

"Oh-uhh oh my God how long were you watching me?! Of course mu my Master said if I stay on the edge for 90 seconds I had permission to cu-cum!"

I rip your hands of your soaked cunt by your elbows and pin them behind your back quickly and easily. You scream in agony as you can feel the orgasm is to close for your mind to bare anything else. You beg me relentlessly to be released so you can get yourself off, starting to cry as you squirm and struggle in the fleeting tingling sensation.

I hold your elbow behind your back with one arm just as the warm tingling is almost gone, I reach my free hand slowly from your neck, over your rock hard nipples that are only covered behind a light sweater, down to you clitoris. I gently start stroking it top to bottom.

"Is this what you wanted?" I say mockingly as I continue to tease your pussy slowly adding more pressure and picking up speed

"Now I got you on tap flicking your bean for over 45 minutes. If you think your going to pull anything smart I'll have it all over the internet before you can say master. Understand?"

"Yes sir"

I zip tie your wrists and elbows behind your back then I cut the ziptie and pull off the sack revealing my face. You get so excited you start hyperventilating and are on the edge of orgasming again.

"Not so fast" I say taking away my hand from your pussy as your legs immediately start quivering from another denial.

"Now I believe i said 90 seconds of straight edging. And I counted and you weren't even at 75. I think the rules need to be adjusted, how long do you think you should have to edge for now that you've nearly broken the rules twice?"

"Sir please I-I can't take much more."

"Can't decide? Ok 10 minutes it is then. What a shame you could have picked 10 seconds"

"No sir! Please No!" You plead uselessly

"Now don't worry I'm going to let you recover while I use some of your other whore holes."

I proceed to rip your sweater down the middle exposing your bare breast and mix between sucking, biting, and beating them. After a few minutes of that I shove you to your knees and pull out my cock and ram it directly to the back of your throat. I hold it there awhile as you struggle for air. I beggin face fucking you as you gag and choke on my hard veiny cock. Then I shove it in deep again but this time I pinch your nose shut. You instantly look up at me with fear in your eyes. Your try turning your head away but I have you pinned tightly to the cold cinder block wall. You start clawing at my chest and I finally let you breathe through your nose before that too becomes not enough and the clawing begins again,

[corktheauthor]

It seemed like a wonderful gift, at first. An opportunity to help humanity. I could wish for world peace, or an end to all illness, or even just for everyone in the world to be happy. I could ask how to stop global warming, how to cure cancer, or how to prevent any upcoming apocalypses. But the more I thought about it, the more wary I grew.

I listened to other people on the first day. I set myself up in the middle of a park and let people come to me, offering counsel, asking favours, or just wanting to talk. I made notes of any exceptional suggestions, but none of them seemed quite… right. This was not an opportunity to be wasted.

The second day, I sought advice online. Opened up a reddit AMA and let the people decide who to upvote, who’s suggestions to show me. I made notes again, but once again, nothing seemed right. It was like I was becoming more cynical, more worried, and a little more paranoid as time went on.

The third day I took for myself. To think.

I repeated the cycle for the next three days, and then, finally, the seventh day was upon me.

I knew what I had to do.

“Hi, God,” I greeted. I couldn’t see them. Couldn’t really hear them either, they kind of just projected its thoughts into my mind. They were everywhere and nowhere and it was honestly a bit terrifying, but they did omit a calming aura. Well, it should have been calming. As a perpetual anxiety sufferer, the calmness only set me more on edge

“Greetings,” God greeted back.

“I don’t suppose you mind if we sit and chat for a bit.” It wasn’t a question, I wasn’t going to waste my question. But it did strongly hint that a response would be nice.

“Why would I mind?” asked God, and I smiled, but didn’t answer.

“I was wondering,” I told them, “about what happened to the last person to make a wish.” Again, it wasn’t a questions.

“You need only ask,” replied God.

“No, thank you. I was just wondering. And I thought that it may help me to make my decision.”

“You haven’t made your decision yet?” God sounded surprised. I wasn’t aware that Gods were capable of surprise.

“I could do with some help,” I admitted, and God seemed to sigh (did Gods have lungs?) before responding.

“Very well. The last person who made a wish wanted the best for people. Wanted them to follow a set of values, like not killing each other. And now, many do. The world is much improved because of their wish.”

This was about what I’d expected. 2000 years ago was when Christianity started kicking off, and when a certain somebody had been performing miracles and converting people to a new religion.

“He died,” I stated.

“He did,” God replied. “But I am sure he did not regret his wish.”

“I’m not sure you can regret something after you’ve died,” I pointed out, and God seemed to laugh.

“You are a tricky one.” Was that a compliment? An insult? Whatever it was, it made me certain that my next move was the right one.

“I’m ready to ask my question now,” I said, and God nodded. (How did I know that they nodded?? I just felt it? But God didn’t have a physical form??? Nope, not the time to freak out. Time to ask a question.) “Do you mean to cause more harm than good to humanity?”

God seemed to still. The calming aura it was giving off vanished, leaving me feeling exposed and cold. It didn’t want to answer, that much I could tell, but it had to. It had to.

“Yes,” said the Thing-That-Might-Be-God, very reluctantly. “But you see, these things are complicated.”

“Right. I’m ready for my wish.”

“But you seemed so eager to talk earlier,” it said, a taunting, sing-song element to its not-a-voice.

“Well, that was earlier. This is now.”

“Very well. What is your wish?” It was smirking. It wanted me to answer its question. Or was it a bluff? Or a double bluff? Or a triple bluff?

“I don’t like you,” I said, plain and cold. Then I concentrated very, very hard on getting my words exactly right. “I wish—”

A screeching noise filled my ears, a throbbing hit my heart, and my head felt like somebody had set a million fireworks off in it. I almost screamed before I remembered that none of it was real. It was a distraction. It didn’t even hurt, it was just overwhelming.

“You wish it would stop,” the Thing whispered. “You wish it would stop! You wish it would stop!”

“—that you—”

“—that I would go away! Go away, make it stop, go away—”

“—would never interfere with humanity again!”

And then the storm stopped. And the Thing-That-Was-Not-A-God looked at me.

“Clever human,” it spat.

“Stupid Not-A-God,” I retorted.

“Doesn’t make me go away now, though, does it,” it taunted, and I rolled my eyes.

“If you had any power, you’d have used it by now. I’m fairly sure that once I wake up, you’ll be gone forever.”

“Fairly sure? Want to make it very sure.”

“I’m going to ignore you now.” And I did. The Thing screamed and gambled and begged, but I said nothing until I awoke the next morning. And then it was gone.

Well, almost gone.

The Thing came to me every night in my dreams. After a month, it stopped screaming. After a year, it stopped begging. After ten years, I almost considered it a friend.

Eventually, I was dying. And the Thing was sad.

“I want you to ask me another Question,” it said.

“You won’t tell the truth,” I replied, and the Thing pouted.

“Ask anyway?”

“Fine.” What did I have to lose now, anyway? “Christianity. It’s not any better than any other religion, and it’s definitely not what a certain Wish-Maker would have wanted it to be. Is that your fault?”

“Yes. Another Question.”

“Did you kill Jesus?”

“Yes. Another question. A better question.”

I sighed heavily. “Fine. Do you mean to cause more harm than good to humanity?”

“Finally! You asked! The Thing seemed delighted, and I couldn’t help but smile. “My answer has changed. I wish more harm than good to all humans but one. I wish you more good than harm. You are special.”

“Do I get a wish now?” I teased, and the Thing smiled.

“I will make any wishes backfire,” it pointed out.

“Do it anyway?”

“Fine. Human, you have one wish. What do you wish?”

“I wish,” I said, “for you to be happy.”

“You... what?”

“I said I wish for you to be happy.”

The Thing looked at me. It blinked once, twice, three times, and then it smiled, a proper, genuine smile for the first time.

“Thank you, human.”

“You are welcome, Thing. Now, obey my first wish and leave humanity alone for the rest of forever.”

“Yes, human. See you around.”

“Goodbye, Thing.”

God appears in your dream and tells you that every 2000 years a person is selected to ask one question and have one wish granted on behalf of all of humanity. You have been selected. You have one week to give your wish and ask your question. The rest of the world knows you were selected.