#(for the sake of my physical and mental health)

[samosadude]

hey so this year has been particularly rough...

currently trying to raise funds to comfortably move into a new apartment...any help or spread of word is greatly appreciated

[cent-scratchnsniff]

it was just going to be a few warmup doodles but then she infected the rest of the page like the ever eternal and spreading spores. hod!!! hod. hod :)

[toringo]

Just gotta say, as someone who was in a dynamic similar to that of Jimmy and Curly (had a long-time, older friend who put me on a pedestal and envied me but also relied on me for their emotional wellbeing) it's extremely disheartening to see people ignore the emotional abuse Curly's endured. People in this kind of situation don't see the severity of the abuse until it's too late.

[occasionally-victor]

idk anymore

+ without filters and shit version because i kinda like it

[goldentangerines]

grandma got diagnosed with dementia, we have to sell the house, my parents' marriage crumbles slowly to dust, i'm so stressed i've found a bunch of grey hairs, my ancient greek xenophone/plato sokrates translations are SHIT, and there's so much to do at work every day. BUT at least i have a tall lamp that's so pretty and makes the whole messy apartment look beautiful and cozy.

[zhongli-lover-69]

*holds javert by the scruff of his neck* *gestures vaguely*

[thornheartless]

Actually I am getting bored of being the "haha, funny, pathetic, short twink." If anyone needs me I'll be listening to Shinedown and Three Days Grace while working out.

[pyrothecary]

(kinda nsfw warning)

[smacks raf's hand away from my crotch] can you stop being horny i'm trying to connect with you emotionally

i'm sorry i'm ace & i'm just not interested in these sex scenes. why do all of these recent diamond choices have to be JUST sex when i want to bake together and talk about our lives. EVEN IF THE SEX COMES FIRST AND THEN WE CUDDLE AND TALK AFTER THATS FINE. I CAN DO THAT. BUT POEASE 😭😭😭🤲🤲🤲🤲🤲

[shadowcat222]

I choose to believe Shattered Glass Shockwave has hyperempathy because isn't that literally canon-

But like, actual hyperempathy has interesting potential to me.... And still allows a window for that sense I get Shockwave has a tendency to care for others before his own needs to a detrimental degree.. to imagine wallowing in the pain of others even as they've moved on it gnaws at him.. man eat some soup with a soft show on so you forget the horrors for a bit and can actually eat please...

[bittwitchy]

my gift is being annoying, see, i can hate myself and be so horrendously anxious that i think trying to make being alive easier for myself is somehow offensive to others bc thats how so many people online act like literally any accomodations not made by the doctors that dont care abt you at all are somehow unnecessary and ‘fishing for attention’ to the point i ruin myself and destroy my body avoiding accomodations bc i dont want to ‘seem like a bad person’ for quite literally needing help. but give me a tv show and 30 seconds with new information and i will either give you the most thought provoking theory or the most wildcard theory ever and always be correct.

[electroniccollectiondonut]

ah. kay. we're doing hallucinations again i see.

[dcbnam-aep]

and thats on trauma

season one vs season two.

[momochiiee-reblogs]

Today I dreamt of somehow meeting at a personal level someone that exists irl and my brain seems that found funny to make it a vivid dream and also to have them interested in me and kiss me...

I'm not as much repulsed as I am concerned about the dream. Like I know I just know the online persona of this person, I'm not friends with nor I feel any bond towards them

Usually any stranger in the same place would make this dream become a nightmare, but even though it was unsettling, I don't feel like it was a nightmare either

I'm still pretty much not prepared to have any relationships, but the fact my brain though it a good idea to represent my reservations about having a partner by giving the subject the face of someone that I usually follow online and who's online behaviour feels comforting, is very unsettling

It's like "haha, look, not even someone who's opinions and values seem to be very aligned with yours would make you feel safe in a relationship anymore"

I really hate how past events have become a thorn so big and burried so deep in my heart that I can't feel safe opening it to anyone else no matter what... It feels unfair...

I can have friends, but anything else outside friendship sends my whole body and brain into distress mode and it's honestly a terrible feeling of wanting to experience something I'm basically terrified of

[thebibliosphere]

I was thinking about this a lot yesterday, but one of the things I really struggle with post almost dying in 2019, was how almost every medical provider focused on the effects of the trauma and not the actual physical fallout.

Like, yes. It was immensely traumatic and trauma profoundly affects the brain, but with hindsight (and by hindsight I mean I’ve been grinding my gears over this for the last four years) I can’t help but feel the ball got lobbed over the “mental health” fence a little too quickly.

I had fucking hypoxia, for God’s sake.

Why was no one more concerned that I can’t remember things or that my skill level as a writer and editor dropped substantially in the aftermath. (I’ve gradually regained most of it, but there are still things I have to pause and look up that were once second nature to me. I hate it. It’s traumatic every time it happens because there’s just a blank hole where Knowledge used to be and God dammit I worked hard for that and now it’s tumbleweed.)

And I know the answer is Covid. I know the world shut down just as I started getting answers and I’m one of the lucky ones because I’m still here. But fuck me. I don’t know how they expected me to CBT and mindfulness my way out of that one.

[yanderemommabean]

Hey Beans-

Hey beans, I have a bit of a hellish update. 

Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life. My grandma made a huge fight happen while I was on call with a friend, and things just escalated between me and her so badly I had to leave. When I came back home, my family was also on my ass about it all, despite knowing how she lies and how she instigates. 

She threatened to hit me, she threatened to kill Sammy, she hurled insult after insult at me and this all started because I didn't get up in time to do something she asked (Which was locking the door. I waited three seconds too long and she went off). 

When I came back after trying to let things cool down I was berated and told I had no right to be so “selfish” in the house, so on and so on, and the fight got so intense I had to just physically walk away, leaving the home and going two miles up the road because I did not feel safe. 

They made me so sick I began to pee blood again, as well as my sugar spiking and causing me to have palpitations. My heart cannot take this stress anymore, and neither can my mental health. I wish I could explain how bad the situation was. I had tears down my face, gasping for air, chest heaving and in pain, I felt like I was on the verge of passing out. 

I got in contact with some good friends of mine, who say they can help get me out of not only that home, but the entire state i'm in. But I need money to do so, for travel and gas and so on. As much as they can house me, they need me to pull my weight. 

I hate having to ask for help, I hate that I'm even in this situation, to the point I'm so sick I might have to be seen in the ER or sent to ICU. 

I need to come up with 700 dollars, and I'm willing to do some commissions, but with how sick I am I may take a bit to get back with you. I plan to leave by early June, if not the beginning of July, as that's when my friends are able to drive down and get me. 

Donations are greatly appreciated, even if you can only afford a single dollar, it’ll be more help than you know. 

If you’re wanting a commission, please don't send money and then ask, for your sake and mine. I’m incredibly overwhelmed, and I’ll do my best to get with you and explain rates. 

And if you’re willing to donate anything, here’s my Ko-fi link. 

Again, I can’t thank you enough for if you donate or even spread this post around, even well wishes mean the world to me because I know you beans care and want to help however you can.

This post was incredibly hard to make, I’m still all over the place and trying to figure everything out, so I apologize if this sounds like rambling and nonsense. There is a silver lining however, as I actually have a way out this time, and I pray I can get out before things can get worse.

-Mommabean 

[drivemysoul]

i’m actually dealing with something serious and physical and my brain STILL won’t let me rank this higher than the month(s) i lost my favourite person