#(for my life I mean. or even the near future)
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so itâs pretty popular in this fandom for the overblotters to have a support group going on, and thatâs all well and good and weâve got a lot of amazing stuff out of it (shameless segue into compelling you to read the âgirls in wonderlandâ series by the lovely jxnebug on ao3, please, itâs awesome), but can you just. like. imagine for a second that everybody else has a support group too, because goodness gracious, do the people who have to witness the overblots need so much therapy.
like. i imagine that it starts off with the first-years and their weekly ramshackle hangouts, and then they all start venting to each other about all the trauma theyâve gone through in the past year, which, thanks to yuu, becomes an unofficial, very unqualified support group.
ace: hey. iâm ace trappola. during my first week at night raven college i had to wear a collar around my neck at all times and didnât even get to sleep in my dorm, which is probably for the best, because i couldnât really sleep with that stupid collar anyway. i slaved away making a chestnut tart to apologize to my housewarden with, only to have my apology literally thrown into the trash. and when my best friend tried to stick up for me, they got called stupid and undereducated. and my other upperclassmen just enabled him. i almost got killed twice in that week, and many more times afterwards.
deuce: hello, iâm deuce spade. and i promised myself that i would become the best person i could be for my mom, only to fall short of my own expectations every single time, except for when i literally sign my soul away. i had such high hopes for my housewarden and upperclassmen to guide me to a better future, only to come to the realization that theyâre even more flawed than i am. so, basically, there is nobody who can help me now, and iâm doomed to the path i made with my own hands.
jack: this is so unnecessary. jack howl. basically what deuce said, but combine that with the fact that, when you first met, your upperclassmen didnât have any problems with getting rid of you if it meant their path to victory was assured. your dormmates will never admit that theyâre wrong and sooner rip your ear out than say they like you to your face. but you care a lot about them, and deep down, maybe they care a lot about you, too. but the only thing they can do that would prove that in your eyes is improve themselves. become better. be the people you thought they were when you got here. and that is the one thing they will never do.
epel: howdy. my name is epel felmier. my housewarden is all about personal improvement. heâs right to think that i need to rework my thinking about gender and strength, because they are not equal in any way. other than that, though, he has no investment in me as a person. iâm not allowed to eat whatever i want. if he tells me to perform, thatâs what i do. if i slip up even a little, he scolds me for being lazy. my posture must be perfect, my diction clear, and my hair flawless. he puts the same pressure on himself to be perfect, so itâs not like heâs a hypocrite. but thatâs the thing, isnât it? he likes me for the things i do â and he hates the person i am.
ortho: hello, world. my name is ortho shroud. not the real one, though. iâm just a poor simulacrum of him that my big brother forged from the flames of his grief and the metal of his self-loathing. but even though idia put his soul into constructing me, i can never truly be the person he wants me to be. my only purpose, and i canât even do it correctly. for almost my entire life up to this point, idia loved his dead brother more than he loved me, and i just had to be okay with that, because the nature of the STYX organization mean that i didnât have anybody else. and the one time i tried to change that, i corrupted my brother and almost ended the world.
sebek: greetings. i am sebek zigvolt. i nearly perished recently. the prince that i admired so dearly tried to put everybody to sleep, and in trying to stop him, i very nearly lost a dear friend of mine to the secrets hidden inside his fatherâs brain. the whole time, i felt distinctly out of place. it was like i was watching one of those soap operas master lilia loves so much. only ever looking. never touching. right before me was a broken family that i only wanted to see come back together, but i couldnât fix it. for it was not my family to fix. i was helpless. useless. but that is nothing new.
yuu: âŚhi. iâm yuu. i was ripped out of my home and isekaiâd into this world thatâs filled with mentally unstable magic people who tried to kill me more than a couple times. i am currently living paycheck-to-paycheck while going to school full-time thanks to a crow who doesnât know how to adult. and clearly, we all have a lot of work to do.
this goes on for a couple of weeks with just them, but then sebek decides to invite silver, because heâs prolly not doing so hot post-book 7 (and also, silver is basically the freshmenâs official big brother at this point, letâs be real) and then silver invites kalim a few weeks later, who invites ruggie, and then it just sort of snowballs out of control from there.
#twisted wonderland#twst#twst first years#sebek zigvolt#jack howl#ace trappola#deuce spade#ortho shroud#epel felmier#twst yuu#twst silver#kalim al asim#ruggie bucchi#(mentioned)#if the formatting seems a little off thatâs because i wrote this on a tablet lol
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i donât think my words hold much value to people like you, and i donât think you would be willing to listen or take it to heart, but itâs still worth trying. i would like you to realise that you are human in every way. you are not an animal, you are not a dragon. (you probably already know this. maybe youâre in denial. i donât know) either way, none of you would actually be willing to give it even a second of thought because youâre insecure about yourself, and youâre insecure because you know youâre human. i assure you that you will not reach full personal contentment until you live out your life without pretending to be a mythical creature. wtv have a good day
Ooh, I havenât gotten one of these asks in a few years.
So I ask this, and every other question I will follow up with, completely genuinely, and if youâre willing to really get into the weeds discussing it Iâd love to do so (though Iâll probably reblog any follow-ups to my other blog): why do you think you know me and my experiences better than I do?
Why do you think you can armchair diagnose me with insecurity? What evidence do you actually have for that, besides the fact that Iâm nonhuman? What evidence do you have that Iâm not already content and fulfilled in my life?
Is it possible that identifying as nonhuman is unrelated to those things entirely, and youâre making a false assumption?
I get it. It looks crazy, when youâre completely new to the concept. Itâs weird - it is! But pause and listen to us when we talk about our experiences for a moment.
For many of us, myself included, finding nonhumanity is a moment of suddenly understanding - of pieces falling into place, of my life experiences suddenly making sense. Awakening is something that made me more content and fulfilled, not less - thereâs a sadness in it sometimes, yes, but so too is there the comfort of understanding yourself in a new way, of realizing, oh. Iâm not just weird. Thereâs not something wrong with me. There are other people like me.
(If this sounds a lot like the experience of figuring out youâre queer, thereâs a reason for that.)
To use myself as an example of the flaws in your hypothesis: thereâs⌠honestly not much dissatisfaction with my life right now. Iâve got a stable job with decent income. Iâd like to be able to cut back my hours a bit, but that will come in time. Iâve got enough free time as it is to do my art and play my tabletop games with friends in my off time. Iâve got family and friends around me. Sure, I miss my wings, but Iâm hoping to pick up powered paragliding in the near future and hoping thatâll scratch that itch at least somewhat. Iâm doing pretty well, honestly. This isnât the case for all otherkin, but itâs not the case for all orthohumans (people who arenât alterhuman in any way) either. What it does indicate, however, is that your hypothesis that being otherkin inherently means youâre insecure and unhappy with your life is false, or at minimum flawed - if it were true, I wouldnât exist.
So, I ask again: why do you think you understand my own experiences better than I do? And moreover, why does it bother you so much that I am the way I am?
The name for the thing youâre doing here, intentionally or not, is concern trolling - trying to push me out of an identity by professing concern for problems that donât exist. Why? Why are you going out of your way to tell other people theyâre wrong about their own identity? Why is your reaction, when you see an identity you donât understand, to decide itâs unhealthy, or just make-believe, or whatever, and then to make that the problem of the people who identify that way? What exactly makes you think this is inherently unhealthy?
Would it not be better to devote that energy to trying to understand us, instead of trying to change us?
You donât have to answer these questions to me, obviously, but I do encourage you to answer them to yourself at least. Pick apart your worldview for a minute and see if it actually holds up under scrutiny - itâs good for you, and mental enrichment to boot! If you are willing to really get into the weeds of this discussion with me, again, Iâd love to do that - I love having discussions like this, and itâs good for me to have my worldview challenged every so often too! Please, genuinely, pick at the flaws in my logic if you see them - if it can be pulled apart under scrutiny, it needs to be pulled apart and rebuilt. No one on the internet is obligated to let a stranger do that, obviously, but personally I enjoy it - itâs a meat pumpkin for me - so letâs talk, if youâre up for it. Itâs been a hot minute since Iâve gotten a good interesting antikin to debate with.
#rani talks#asked and answered#wewillbeseen-butnotbeheard#antikin#discourse#tagged so my followers donât have to see this if they donât want to#(same reason that if you are up for discussion Iâll be reblogging any further discussion to my other blog)
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Please help protect my sweetheart and best friend â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸
Hi! My name is Carolyn and I'm fundraising for the love of my life, Noor. Noor is a Moroccan trans woman, and in a difficult situation right now. She is currently unable to work due to French Bureaucracy and Visa complications. Between the fear of possible deportation, the weight of racism and transphobia, and the anxiety that comes with struggling with money, she is really having a difficult time right now and could use all the support she could get. She is struggling to afford rent during this time where she is unable to work. Every single cent that is donated will be sent directly to help support her in life.
Noor and I have been together now for years and although we are currently far apart, we are trying our best to support eachother and are working to make sure we can live together in the near future. She is the love of my life as well as my best friend. Noor is kindhearted, patient, and creative in ways I could never begin to describe. She brings warmth and love with her everywhere she goes, and deserves a community just as all of us do.
Noor cooks the most wonderful meals you'll ever taste. She creates beautiful artwork from her own hands, including a hand-knitted blanket that I sleep with every night, and various hand-knitted goods that keep her friends and me warm in the cold. She has a great sense of humor and loves to make jokes, all of which I still laugh at years after she made them. Her smile is contagious and her hugs are the warmest you could ever imagine. Noor deserves the same warmth, love, and protection she offers others, given right back tenfold.
Please consider donating to support Noor, my sweetheart who I love so much. Every little bit helps, even if you can only donate one dollar/euro. Your support means the world to her, and me as well, and we send you all of our love. Let's support eachother, together. â¤ď¸
Sincerely,
Caro â¤ď¸
#mutual aid#donations#support#fundraiser#boost#t4t#trans community#community#community care#please help care for the most wonderful person i've ever met in life
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls đ)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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Something that doesnât get talked about enough I think is that when youâre in survival mode for an extended period of time, when you try to get out, itâs extra hard because you havenât been building yourself a future gradually and continuously like you normally would, and now you have to try to do a lot of it all at once when youâre already tired and struggling.
#my post#original post#personal#a secret third kind of post#depression#mental illness#mental health#suicidal ideation#Iâve just been eating and sleeping and trying not to kill myself#I donât have a plan#(for my life I mean. or even the near future)#if there was a future ready and waiting for me this would be so much easier#vicious cycle
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Is/Was tumblr giving anyone else a notification when someone you followed posted for the first time in a while? Like this:
It was doing that for me for a couple weeks, although now it seems to have stopped. A short-lived experiment? Or perhaps no one has posted after a long enough lag. (It seems unlikely to have been a bug, but I don't know enough about coding so maybe?)
It was sort of an interesting idea, to make sure I didn't miss someone I hadn't seen in a while, but on the whole I'm glad it's gone/hope it goes. I'd like my notifications to be all about me, thank you đ¸đťThe dashboard is the place for other people. Otherwise it gets confusing.
Anyway, I haven't posted in a while (12 days), so perhaps this post will show up in your notifications!
#that wasn't the only reason I haven't posted much lately#but it did add a little additional pressure for my first post back#i felt self conscious that everyone would get a notification about whatever random dumb shit i was thinking about#but now if lots of people see this at least it answers my question#i haven't been watching BL recently or indeed any shows or movies at all#been trying to focus a lot on school#which i have been! it's been the intellectually most difficult semester so far#so the focusing has been decent recently but the actual results haven't been great#especially since i started the semester not at all on top of things#but it means that I haven't had anything to say about bl#and I've been feeling weird about posting random stuff about my life or what I'm learning#like people aren't interested#and bad about not responding to various things I've been tagged in#i even have some drafts for those i just need to finish. but it hasn't been a priority#anyways here's the update no one asked for. i may or may not post more in the near future.#tmblr life#gillianthecat's life#rambling in the tags
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Oh tho. Despite being at a concert at a bar with easy opportunity to have drinks. I looked at the menu as if I was gonna order anything, then thought to myself, "You don't drink anymore, hon" and went "Oh, right" then just got water.
So???? Given how matter of fact that thought was, maybe I really am fully sober from alcohol now. Interesting thought.
#speculation nation#cant say im fully sober all the time completely bc i may or may not have done a weed or two in recent weeks#but that's neither here nor there#well ok it is in fact here. in this conversation. bc it's relevant.#i just dont want to drink alcohol anymore. period. even when i was having a breakdown i didnt want to drink.#and even when i was at a concert venue having the time of my life. i didnt want to drink.#the thought of alcohol just does not appeal to me anymore. not with the connotations it has now.#but in lieu of that. i gave a little edible or two a try. since i already knew i fucking hated smoking weed#still wont do that. but a little recreational dabbling in a social setting... yea ok ive done a little#not interested in doing this kind of thing alone tho. or even regularly.#but for special occasions. in a social setting. since i dont drink alcohol anymore. this is a Way To Go.#alcohol ment/#drugs ment/#i think ill b posting about the drinking thing less now. bc this felt pretty conclusive to me.#ive been wavering on it for 2 and a half months now. unsure whether it was just the trauma and grief of it all.#i mean. it is. that's precisely why i am so suddenly no longer drinking.#but time is going by and ive had several opportunities to drink. times i wouldve taken in the past.#but my heart solidly told me No. i didnt want that.#and ykno what even with 0 alcohol i had the time of my fucking life at that concert.#26 going on 27 and suddenly completely sober because my dad died from alcoholism.#one of those things where. well. drinking isnt good for you anyways.#so if i dont wanna do it. well thats actually better for me in the end. so might as well lean into it.#idk whether this will be an actual longterm thing. but i suppose i'll find out!#for now at least. i have no interest in drinking. and so it shall remain in the near future.
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i hope everyone's prepared for me to become the most annoying person ever in 13 more hours
#i'm going to cry i'm going to listen to this and just start fucking sobbing#this song is so special to me you don't understand and i'll never be able to put it into words properly but like#orangestar's music. is important to me. i relate a lot A LOT to the feelings he incorporates into every song#those feelings of like.. struggling. and sadness and wondering what the point of it all is but trying so hard to stay positive#trying So Hard to see the beauty in the world even when it all seems like fucking garbage#and to stay hopeful for the future. to continue building your own life rather than letting society shove you into a monotonous routine#it's just... so so important to me. putting my relationship with music into words is hard but it's more or less how i keep myself sane LOL#daybreak frontline is a particularly beautiful song. one of my favorites.#and the thing about having these vocaloid songs that you hold near and dear to your heart and then they get covered in prsk is like#well all of the kids are like. very important characters to me. they make me happy i love them lots!!#so when they sing these songs that i've loved for years and like grew up on. that just makes them even more special đŤśđž#and i think this song is like. peak vbs. this is the kind of music they do best this is where they all shine the brightest#also the art looks very very very very pretty.#see what i mean. i am going to be so fucking annoying about this forever this iseverything. to me.
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I am so high I love you dabs I love you big bong rips I love you huge heavy bong I love you only having 20 dollars to my name and no plans but getting high and ignoring it I love you oh no Iâm thinking about it
#I want to take an ice cold shower and scream and smoke a whole pack of cigarettes and lock myself in a closet for 72 hours in the dark with#no distractions to figure out what I actually want to do with the rest of my life and to face every bad thought I have and struggle to#ignore even years later like ugh I just need to be at the bottom of the ocean floating sinking alive dead in between for like a month and#then pull me back up and either Iâll be normal or Iâll be so fucked up they just put me back in there#like either way I am vibing at the bottom of the ocean (I have been desperately imaging a sensory deprivation tank all day)#(put me in a fucking sensory deprivation tank until something in my fucking brain rewires and I get worse or better than I am now this#inbetween stage is fucking killing me like what do you mean Iâm not a horrible person but also what do you mean I struggle every day but Iâm#normal but I have things about me other people donât and alienate me to the point of near total isolation but also this is just how humans#are and I need to take meds and actively struggle to fit into a perfect little box of what a person should be like god damn I am so tired of#getting better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and Iâm miserable and Iâm happy and Iâm sobbing and#I know a month from now Iâll be depressed again or Iâll be the best Iâve ever been and itâs so fucking horrible to be in the middle stage#where I actually have to step up and admit shit is wrong and face it like why canât I just lay in bed forever until I become the bed and not#like get a job and have a future. ugh. depression is so fucked esp bc most things in my life are normal I guess or like easier than my#friends like we all have seperate challenges but Iâm the only one still living off their parents (ha. parent. forgot for a second.) and the#only thing wrong with my life is the mental health issues but I wonât step up and deal with it bc I feel like Iâve been depressed for so#long I like fucked up the foundational shit and like I know itâs fine but also I feel so behind and I feel like Iâll be behind and unhappy#forever even when im happy I know the next depressive episode is right around the corner and I give up again. ugh. I hate knowing thatâs#whatâs wrong with me but still not having the energy to step up and fix it. im so pathetic I want to cry. my brain is me but my brain is#destroying my life. anyways. im high and now im sad and have dry mouth. I think im gonna drink ice water and change into shorts+lay in bed)
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It's not just mansions, either, condos (really, any development) also suffer from rushing development and not giving construction workers enough time to do things properly. Which is made all the worse by developers cutting as many corners as they can and hiring sub-contractors who are under-qualified, look the other way, or help them cut said corners.
So you have things happen like an entire condo having to be vacated immediately because it's structurally unsound, terrible noise control, rot and mould from water damage, etc.
Not to mention the move away from solid wood to MDF to keep development costs down (while charging more for buyers) and MDF does not hold up remotely as well the moment moisture comes into play. Also ignore the little fact it can release a carcinogen.
I see so many new developments that mysteriously have major issues <5 years in, but by then the developer has fucked off and residents have to pray their insurance covers having to stay elsewhere for weeks or months.
Prior to the 80s, you run the risk of asbestos being in the place. In the past couple decades, you run the risk of developers having cut corners and getting permits they should never have been given (assuming they have permits in the first place) because they planned to let someone else hold the hot potato while they got out of dodge.
This makes me so sad and also I'm trying to remember if any of the Discworld books dealt with late stage capitalism
#we build buildings like we do products now#with a lifespan of years before expecting someone to pay to either fix it or buy a whole new one#this is all the more important if you live somewhere with natural disasters and/or foundational issues (e.g. sink holes)#for instance i live somewhere with high humidity and high earthquake and liquifaction risks aka southern bc#my life is on the line if i don't do research to make sure it's structurally sound and isn't in a liquifaction zone#and there's a huge amount of development that isn't actually meant for people to live in#it's for investors to buy and sell and trade#so corners get cut even more#also it tends to be built in liquifaction zones and you kinda don't want a tall building built in one of those areas#especially if it's also at sea level#of course with older buildings you also have possible wiring that isn't up to code or can't handle current electric amounts#basically it's a shit show and don't assume just because the home is new doesn't mean it won't cost you tens of thousands in the near futur
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lust is a loaded hand gun
max verstappen
cw: smut/pwp, ferrari!reader, baby fever, seduction, cowgirl position, alcohol/drinking, breeding, the reader wants to have a baby and chooses to have it with max, max is not aware
this bunny runs on comments & reblogs! feed the rabbit!
part 2: love is a kick to the stomach
this sounded stupid. but you wanted a baby. and while that was an easy task for most women, you knew that there was something impersonal about picking from a catalogue. reading profiles felt weird, like you were looking for a used car rather than the biological other half of your child. even if you'd raise them without a father, you'd rather have a night of passion than an awkward doctor's visit.
charles leaned back in his seat and asked, "why don't you and i just make one." he shrugged his shoulders. he considered himself close to you. you had been teammates for a little over two seasons and prior to that you knew each other. he didn't mind being the one to help you bring a child into the world, "i can be his uncle and he'd never know."
but, as close as you were to your teammate. you had other drivers in mind.
you made a face, "no offense, charles. but it would feel like doing it with my brother." being teammates meant you two knew too much about one another. you worked well as teammates and rivals because you were more like siblings. while you appreciated the offer, you felt it was weird.
charles asked, relaxed in his seat, "why are you doing this anyway? isn't there a million ways for you to have a child."
you shrugged, "i want to be a mom, i don't know. leave my seat behind to another woman and let her make all the history. i'm honestly tired. i've reached the peak and now." you sighed, "i want something else. i've got enough money to retire and let my future child retire before they're born." you crossed your arms, "i don't want to be doing this shit until i'm forty and just degrade in the skills department. end on a high note." while it was not an insult to other driver's on the grid. you felt bad that they never got to really be parents due to the schedules.
"so you need to seduce a driver to make that happen."
you nodded, out of the corner of your eye you spotted the driver you had your eye on. while you eyed the man crossing your path, your voice got softer, "and i think i know just the driver."
charles looked over to the direction you were looking at. he noticed who was walking by and he looked back to you, shoulders dropped, "max. you're going to seduce and have a child with max?"
you looked back to charles and shrugged, "why not? what's not to like?" max wasn't a perfect man, sometimes you wondered about the mechanics of his brain. but, you knew your child with him would lay waste to the track in the future.
"i can name a few. do you want them alphabetically or severity of it?" charles asked.
you gave him a look, "it wouldn't be hard to get him to sleep with me. you, me and the rest of the garage has seen how he looks at me. i mean who else do i have to choose from? either they're too old, they're rookies, or they have girlfriends. and i'm not getting a heel in the eye because i'm trying to have a baby."
charles rubbed the bridge of his nose, "i think you just like him."
you tensed up for a moment, "no. this is all just simple. scheming... nothing more. i don't expect to trap him with a child. he is free to live his life after i'm done with him."
charles found it hard to believe. not on your end, but max's. he had heard at sickeningly lengths about how max felt for you. it was probably the most eloquent the driver had ever been. if you got pregnant by him, he'd be getting a ring the next day. he sighed once more, "then have fun with the wold champion. i'd say to be safe, but i think being unsafe is the whole point of this."
you gave the once over of max in the near distance and smiled, "don't worry charles, you'll get all the details in the morning." which earned a groan from your teammate.
-
it started over a bottle of wine and ended in the motor home of red bull. you and max had gotten frisky over the evening. you wondered if anyone was selling the photos of you two in the back of the restaurant to tmz or some other trashy outlet. you had shared two bottles of wine over dinner. the benefit of being as wealthy as you were, you could throw the cash onto the table and giggle as you stumble out of your place.
you knew someone had a photo of max kissing you at the table to 'taste' the sauce that came with your meal. as if he couldn't take some from the plate.
but back in the motor home, you had dropped your purse by the door. in the dark of the place, you two were starting to get undressed. heels kicked to the wall, your bracelets set on the coffee table. your dress was on the floor by the bed, your bra over the lamp by the bed and your panties on the bed.
"i'm on top." you said as you kissed max's lips. he tasted like wine and fine dining. he tasted and smelled expensive. in all fairness he could be worth more than a micro nation. he was not an easy man to buy, but the currency of sex was in high demand. max wanted you, and you knew that because he got on his back without much argument.
you were both naked on the bed. the faint lights gleamed through the large windows as you rubbed up against max with no other lighting. you could see his face against the shadows of the night. his blue eyes were like gems and they pulled you in. whoever he ended up with would be very lucky.
but tonight you needed him. he was an important piece in your plan. you rubbed against him and with a little help, you sank down onto his cock. while cowgirl wasn't the best position to try and get pregnant, but it ensured that your plan would work. any position is a working one.
"you're beautiful."
"i know." you said as you rubbed yourself against him. you braced your hands on his strong chest. he was a handsome man, he was good at what he did and he was a winner. you knew anyone would be lucky to have him, but tonight was the perfect partner. you knew a child with him would be perfect.
you continued to rub up against him. the roll of your hips were methodical. this wasn't the first time you slept with a man. you moaned when max groped your breasts, massaged the flesh between those bear paws he called hands. soon you sank on his cock and shuddered, feeling the heat raise in your belly.
this was a mission, no time to get attached. you were both tipsy from the alcohol and the driver under you were more handsy than ever. you try not to feel the emotions that came with it. the feeling of being attached to someone you were having sex with. you batted charles' assumptions about your feelings for max out of your mind as you rode the dutch driver.
you were determined to get pregnant tonight. you measured it all down to a t, all you needed was for max not to get whiskey dick. you curved your back to get closer to him, your lips met his as you moved up and down. his cock was snug in your, but it went in almost perfect. the blunt head hit against the furthest parts of you. your heart hammered in your chest as you moved your hips.
you pushed hair out of your face before your braced your hands on his chest once more. he was very toned, you almost wanted to joke about what happened to his slightly kinder chocolate addiction. but that was neither here nor there.
"you feel so good." he grunted, "why haven't we done this before? fuck." he panted, he could feel the heat in his cheeks as you rode him. he had been with others before but being under you was a pleasure no money could buy. you were really good at it, knowing exactly how to make him feel good.
"good things take time." you panted, part of you wondered what would happen if you covered his mouth. you didn't need the dirty talk, this was a mission. if you wanted a casual friends with benefits, you'd try something online or another in the paddock. fucking max was a certainly that you'd get pregnant. it didn't have to be intimate or soft. it was a means to an end, and you'd get there no matter what.
the sounds of your fucking filled the room as you continued to move against him. you raked your nails down his chest, catching his nipples which made him moan. he was cute on his back, letting you take over. you wondered how deep his affection for you went.
you didn't want the emotional baggage of it all. tonight you were both drunk and having sex in the motor homes. it would be a one night stand before you two finished out the season. you could feel the heat across your back as you stared at him.
his eyes were closed and his mouth slightly open as he panted heavily. there was heat in his face and you felt something tug in your chest. he was beautiful, you hated to admit it. but max verstappen was a pretty boy.
he was already blissed out, his noises forced you by the movement of your hips. you licked your lips and without thinking, you left a mark on his collarbone. it was stupid, but it excited your further.
you continued to move against him. your breasts bounced with each move of your hips. you felt moans in the back of your throat and a hum in your soul. pleasure was close and it wasn't long before you really worked yourself onto his cock and finished.
the tightness around his cock made max's back arch a little bit. he could feel the heat in the back of his head. his heart pounded as he watched you continue to ride his cock. he panted heavily and soon climaxed as well. you made sure to get everything you could out. you kissed him once more before you stopped. when you pulled away you got off of his waist and laid down on the bed.
"wow." he said out of breath.
you didn't want to talk. instead you turned your head to kiss him on the lips to keep him quiet. there was no time for mushy romantic bedroom talk. you needed him to fall asleep before you could leave.
you tried to count down the seconds, placing kisses across his heated face. you reminded yourself that there would be some lucky enough to keep him for life.
when you pulled away from his lips after one last kiss, he curled up beside you and right then fell asleep. you stayed awake, when the heat cooled in your body. you hoped your mission was a success. the lust and the alcohol still made its rounds in your body. but you were lucid enough to find your clothes in the dark and slip out of the motor home before morning.
you'd never bring up the event to max, only briefly mentioning it to charles. you'd drive harder after that, in the end you'd secure a world championship. as you kissed the trophy and your country's national anthem played, you were already pregnant with your child.
-
your retirement was a shock to max. you could've easily decorated your home with many trophies over the next few years. but at the end of the 2024 season, you bowed out. you thanked fans and told them that it was a new chapter in your life. and then like that you fell off the face of the earth over the off-season.
max tried to find ways to contact you. where did you go? what happened? why leave at the height of it all? the more he thought about it, the more questions were raised in his head. he asked around the paddock, even going as far as to ask charles where you went. the other drive shrugged and told him that you moved back to your home country with a "little extra luggage". there were no social media posts. nothing. it nagged in the back of his brain for what felt like a lifetime. what happened to ferrari's princess?
it wasn't until almost three years later, max had claimed another world championship. it felt like these days he was riding high. he was still the best. but as he walked into the paddock to train for the upcoming season, he stopped in his tracks. he felt like he was splashed with cold water.
there you were, three years older with a glow to you. you were laughing with charles and lewis, you looked different but in a good way. you were in overalls and a ferrari shirt underneath. you were more curvy than you were when you were driving. and while you were still beautiful like the sun, pulling max in. what made his stomach drop was who was in your arms.
a young boy, with big curious eyes and round cheeks. he held onto you tightly, his small fists in the fabric of your shirt. he seemed curious about the track, but not scared of how big it all felt. while max would've assumed that you got married and had a child as a lot of people did. but that's not what had happened.
max knew right away at the first glance of your son. looking at him was like looking at max's childhood photos. even in features that matched your own, your son carried a lot of max in him. the itch in his brain after you fell off the earth all those years ago came back, this was where you went. the boy looked like him and if he was right about the boy's age then dates lined up. there was no question. max verstappen was your son's father. and when you noticed him staring. you simply smiled and gave him a wink, shifting the boy in your arms and pointing at the me. when your son smiled, max felt something in his gut. looking at you, holding your (his) son, made max feel like he was home. and all those feelings he had been carrying poured back into his head and heart. the same emotions that allowed you to bed him. <3
sequel: love is a kick to the stomach
#bunny writes#formula one imagine#reader insert#formula 1#formula one smut#formula one fanfiction#f1 smut#formula 1 fic#formula 1 rpf#formula one#f1 rpf#f1#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#max verstappen x you#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen#max verstappen smut#mv33 imagine#mv33 x reader#mv33 smut#mv33#mv1 smut#mv1 x reader#mv1#driver!reader#f1 driver reader
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ŕłŕż SAVAGE BONDS part 3 ă feyd rautha x atreides!reader ă
summary: destined to one another since conception, your very life belongs to feyd rautha. as a token of good will you are sent to the strange planet of giedi prime a week before your wedding ceremony, only to learn that it is far more hostile than you imagined it would be. a failed assassination attempt has tempers flaring and sparks flying when it is decided to be safer to sleep alongside feyd. you hate to admit it, but he has played the part of a "protector" better than the guards who were tasked to watch over you. whilst you have been dreading this union all of your life, feyd has been anticipating it. meeting you as children had left him awe-struck. . . and a bit obsessed.
warnings: !SMUT HEAVY IN FUTURE PARTS!, feyd is super overprotective in this fic and kills multiple people in your honor, blood and gore, it's a dark romance folks, political marriage, forced proximity, temporary unrequited love, a lil dubious consent in some scenes, there's a lot of talk about breeding, enemies to lovers (in your mind, not his), there's a "who did this to you" scene, knife play, blood kink, breeding kink heavy, lots of scent marking/marking. ( need to edit this later because I'm exhausted right now)
word count: 3.5k
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If the intruder had made another noise then hadnât been able to hear it. Not over the sound of your heart pounding in your ears. Dread washed over you, the blood in your veins turning to ice as you were struck with a sudden realization:Â
Either you fought for your life, here and now. . . or you died.Â
Your throat locked up, and suddenly you found yourself unable to say anything at all. Shouldnât you be screaming like a madwoman? Had he seen you undress for the night? Had he been lurking in a corner or a closet as your attendants had run your bath? Was everybody in on this?Â
Every nervous smile and antsy movement came rushing back to you. Betrayal slapped you in the face so hard that it stunned you back into motion.Â
The knife that you had hidden away in your room after breakfast was shorter than you would have liked- minimal reach, meaning youâd have to get up close to the attacker. Still, you somehow managed to kick the sheets off of you in order to lurch to the side before he was able to brandish his own blade. You heard it cut through the air, the loud tearing of the pillow where your head had just been perched a millisecond ago echoed through the pitch black room.Â
You moved towards the door, bare feet against ice cold marble, and finally began to open your mouth to scream for whatever guards were sure to be stationed near the guest quarters.Â
âI wouldnât bother,â The manâs voice sneered, a smile evident in his voice. âNo one will save you.âÂ
There it was. The truth.Â
Everyone hated you, but you already knew as much. There was very little you could do in your nightdress- no way you could properly fend off an attacker without any shoes on your feet. Even worse, you had no shield.Â
âWhy are you doing this?â You questioned, raising the knife so that you were holding it defensively in front of you. You hated how pathetic you sounded with your voice shaking like that. Still, your hands held strong.Â
Under immense trauma and stress like this your body had gone into autopilot. Again and again your training has been hammered into you. You must remain calm. Act with surety.Â
Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear.Â
You waited, listening to see if he was getting close to you. The bed creaked, the attacker stepping into a single ray of silver light that had escaped through the blinds.
 It was a guard.Â
So this was planned. You should have known enough. You would have thought that Feyd would have been the one to orchestrate the whole thing, but his earlier warning had made it clear to you that he hadnât wanted you to perish. At least not like this.Â
He didnât say anything else to you before his arm came barrelling down. You stepped to the side, almost tripping over the fabric of your dress in your panic. The cutter blade struck the wall behind you, and in the manâs blind fury he left his side completely defenseless. You surged forward, the knife tightly clutched in your hand, and brought it down hard on his arm. He cried out, the sound nearly deafening you as it echoed off of the empty walls.Â
âYou bitch!â His weapon clung against the ground.Â
Still, his uninjured arm struck against the side of your face. The world tilted beneath you as you stumbled backwards, your spine cracking against the dresser drawer as your knees buckled beneath you. Pain. It felt like he had just drilled a hole clean into the side of your face. No one had ever landed a blow to you like that. The guard took advantage of your stunned state, moving forward so that he could wrap his meaty hands around your throat.Â
You needed to use the Voice. He had to stop. . . but his hands were squeezing too tightly. Your lips moved but little more than fearful croaks escaped you. Tears pooled in your eyes at the pressure, at the pain, at the fucking fear that was threatening to swallow you up whole, whole, whole until you were nothing. Your nails scrapped against any bit of skin that you could find. He hissed in pain, using the weight of your own body against you as he slammed you against the dresser where he currently had you pinned.Â
You kicked out your legs, desperately trying to find a foothold so that you could wrench yourself upwards. If you were in pants then you might have been able to save yourself, but your bare feet slid out against the loose fabric pooled underneath you. The man had struck when you had been most vulnerable. He was killing you.Â
Your eyes widened, the tears finally spilling past the thick wall of your lower lashes. He was killing you. He was killing you. He was killing you.Â
With the ringing filling your ears, you hadnât heard the commotion outside of your door. Only when it slammed open, light from the hall flooding in, did you realize that someone had been alerted. The hands around your throat loosened just enough for you to take a deep, wheezing breath in.Â
âHelp me.â But you couldnât reach the correct frequency, not when your vocal cords were so damaged.Â
Still, with bleary eyes you stared up at whoeverâs large form filled the doorway. Begging them to save you.Â
And so they did.Â
The world just fell away, like ink on wet paper- it all bled around him. All sound and sight ebbed away, the only thing visible in his rage being your tear filled eyes. Feyd had seen looks of pure terror on the faces of men he had bested countless times before. It never meant much to him. The lives he had taken never weighed heavy on his shoulders. He never cared much for anything aside from his own ambitions. He had goals- found minor joy in sharpening his mind and his blades.Â
 He had carried his memories of you from childhood with him into adulthood, each glance and nervous smile acted as a balm that soothed any future traumas or worries. He knew that one day he would be standing exactly where he was right then, with you within arms length.Â
This wasnât what he had pictured throughout the years though. Nothing could have prepared him for what he was currently witnessing.Â
Women bled the same as men did. He never felt overly-noble when it came to protecting them, no matter how weak or frail they looked. Feyd understood that it was survival of the fittest. People lost their lives every day in much crueler ways than suffocation. . .Â
But the guard had his hands around your throat, and in that moment Feyd no longer saw the proud woman that had managed to nearly knock him off of his feet earlier. No, in that moment you looked just like that six year old little girl he had always cared for so dearly. You looked exactly how he had left you- scared, fragile and innocent.Â
Feyd-Rautha wasnât quite sure what love was, but he could imagine that it must be what he felt for you. Losing you was an impossibility, heâd never let it happen. He couldnât.Â
âWhat do you think youâre doing?âÂ
An eerie sort of calm befell the room, the only sounds being your shaky breaths as you tried to fill your aching lungs with air. The guard didnât answer him, only stared with fearful eyes up at the Na-Baron. He was looking Death right in the face.Â
âWas it your idea to attack her in the middle of the night like this?â Feyd took another step into the room, which had the guard scooting back awkwardly on his knees. âYou were going to kill her in the dark like she was no better than an animal.âÂ
He hadnât even been brave enough to face you with the lights on.Â
Feyd, without turning around, used his foot to close the door behind him. Once again the room plummeted into pitch black darkness. There was a shuffling sound in front of him, the man trying to get to his feet as fast as he could to put some distance between the two of them, but it was too late. Feyd followed the source of the noise and reached out, grabbing the man around the stomach before sinking his blade deep into his neck. A sick wet gurgling noise caused you to let out a small cry. Still, the blue eyed man wouldnât be offput by your disgust.Â
He had to pay for what he did to you.Â
And so he dislodged the knife easily, the sharp blade gliding through muscle and skin, and then stabbed again. And again. And again. The guard moaned in pain, trying his hardest to buck and fight Feyd off of him. Even when the manâs legs gave out from under him Feyd followed him, falling to his knees so that he could continue his ruthless assault.Â
The Na-Baron grit his teeth, eyes wide as his knife continued to find purchase in the corpse beneath him. The bastard had caused you to suffer. He had hurt you. Feyd didnât stop there either. He stood up and made his way out into the hallway.Â
The rage had made a home somewhere deep in his chest. He didnât know what to do with so much anger. He needed. . . he needed to make everyone atone for what they had done to you. Did they think that he would approve of their lame assassination attempt?Â
âYou heard everything and did nothing!â He screamed out at the other guards who stood in the hallway.Â
His hands were coated in blood, his black shirt and night pants soaked through, clinging to his skin. All they could do was watch him, unable to say anything at all. Feyd knew that they could not deny his claims. They had all been in on this from the start.Â
And so he raised his blade again and did not stop until every man in the hallway was long-dead.Â
Not a word had been said since the incident. You didnât even complain when Feyd had all but dragged you through the halls, rather you followed him as emotionless as a doll. The blood of the fallen marred your arms and crisp white nightdress. It was as if your body had gone into auto pilot. Your mind was lost to you, as you felt as though you were floating off somewhere far away. You no longer existed at all.Â
You were just a hollow shell now, in a state of shock that had you shutting down completely.Â
Where was he taking you? You didnât know, nor did you particularly care anymore.Â
The guardâs final breaths had sounded wet, probably due to the blood in his lungs. The blade hitting bone. His moans of pain. Those sounds still echoed in your ears, and you were positive that youâd never be able to get them out of your head.Â
Youâd never witnessed anything like that in all of your life. Someone had been killed mere feet away from you. And yet you werenât sorry for him. You searched yourself for even an inkling of pity and came up short. The bastard got what he deserved.Â
âWhy did you have to do that in front of me?â You managed to mumble out.Â
Tonight would soon become a memory that would never abandon you. Even in old age you were certain that you would be able to recall every gut wrenching detail of tonights events. When the door leading out to the doorway had opened and illuminated the room, Feydâs sins had been revealed in full to you.Â
The guard was unrecognizable. He no longer looked human to you, his insides turned out. Your betrothed had quite literally gutted your attacker in front of you.Â
Your bare feet tracked blood on the floors, the long skirts of your nightgown soaked with another manâs blood.Â
âI killed him for you. I wanted you to experience every moment of retribution.â He didnât turn around to face you as he spoke. Instead he kept his eyes on the hallway, the pupils of his pale blue eyes blown out wide.Â
You cast a look down at the hand that was holding your arm in a vice-like grip. He was shaking. It was almost as though he could feel your eyes on his hand. His trembling fingers dug into your soft skin.Â
Feyd released you once the two of you were alone in a room together, closing the door behind him and locking it for good measure. You stood there, motionless as you followed the line of his jaw with your eyes. The muscle there ticked a few times as he clenched and unclenched his jaw. He was still agitated, you could tell.Â
âYouâre starting to bruise.â He motioned towards his own neck.Â
Your hand flew up to your throat, poking at the tender skin. It felt hot under your touch- sore too. It would serve as a reminder of how close you had come to death. Tonight you felt nothing. . . but what about tomorrow? Would you ever be able to sleep again?Â
âHow did you know that I was being attacked?â Your suspicion was beginning to build back up again. There were just too many coincidences.Â
âYou think I had something to do with this?â He sounded agitated. There was no hint of his usual sarcastic lilt in his tone.Â
Youâd never seen Feyd like this before. He actually seemed. . . offended but your gentle accusation.Â
âYou canât answer my question with yet another question. How did you know I was being attacked?â You might have been in a state of immense shock but you still had some wits about you.Â
You were locked in a room with a murderer, and the possibility that he had a hand in your assassination attempt was high. Once again you found yourself utterly defenseless. If he tried to attack you now there was no way that youâd be able to defend yourself. Not only that but your throat was wrecked. You could barely talk at the current moment, meaning you couldnât even depend on the Voice if you needed to. You were as helpless as a child in the wake of Feydâs power.Â
âI see you in my dreams sometimes.âÂ
Anyone else would have called him insane, but you were used to Paulâs dreams. Theyâd been getting even more vivid as he aged. So Feyd had a dream that you were in danger? You found it difficult to believe that he would go out of his way to come to your rescue. Still, here he was.Â
âIs that why you warned me today at breakfast?â The pieces were finally beginning to fall into place. Heâd known something was going to happen since last night.Â
âYes,â He tilted his head, seemingly deep in thought. âSomething told me to go and see you.âÂ
You didnât have it in yourself to question him further. Youâd have to be satisfied with his answers. What you really wanted was a bath and a fresh change of clothes. One last look at your soiled clothes had your nose wrinkling in disgust. The smell of blood was thick in your nose- so strong that the iron scent almost smelled sweet. You gagged outwardly, putting your hands on your knees as you suddenly dry heaved.Â
âYou realize that he couldnât be left alive after what he had done, donât you?âÂ
Of course you did. That didnât make it any better though. Your fingers stuck together, caked in blood, as you balled them into fists at your sides.Â
âBath.â Was all you said, already looking around the room that you assumed was his living quarters for any sign of a tub.Â
He didnât make any complaints as you closed the bathroom door behind yourself. Feyd gave you the time to process everything, didnât knock on the door even once as the minutes ticked by. You stayed in the water until your fingers pruned and rubbed your skin until it was raw. Blood was everywhere. Under your nails, between your toes- it had even soaked through your dress and now caked your lower legs and thighs.Â
You threw on a thin cotton robe you found neatly folded on a small towel rack, tying it tightly around your waist before you built up the courage to face your fiance again.Â
âTake me back to my room.â You were eager to fall asleep.Â
Youâd been through too much. The thought of having to be conscious was tiring in itself. If you could close your eyes and sleep for the next ten years then you would.Â
You missed your home. You missed your parents and Paul. You missed stability and security. Your life felt lost to you now.Â
âThis is your room now.â He was laying on the bed, already in a change of clothes. He seemingly took a bath himself while you had locked yourself away. There was no trace of gore left on him now.Â
Your mouth went dry, palms pooling with sweat. Surely you were understanding him incorrectly.Â
âYou canât expect me to sleep in the same room with you. We arenât married.â There was absolutely no way your parents would approve of something like this.Â
âI donât trust anyone besides myself with your safety.âÂ
You didnât trust anyone. Especially not Feyd.Â
âWhy should I be expected to sleep with you? I donât feel comfortable-âÂ
âI will kill anyone that lays a finger on you again. Let that pile of bodies act as a warning to anyone else that tries. Thatâs why you should be expected to stay here with me. Get in the bed.â He seemed tired. Aggitated.Â
âNo.â You held strong. Never in your life had you slept in the same room as a man, let alone someone like Feyd-Rautha. Heâd sooner kill you in your sleep then anyone else would.Â
âCome here.â His tone caused you to jump.Â
You had to bite your tongue as you approached him, sitting down awkwardly on the bed before you finally succumbed to his wishes. The bed was softer than your own, which you immediately envied. The soft mattress enveloped you, and all at once the tiredness you hadnât felt until then finally sank in.Â
You didnât put up much more of a fight. Your eyes were beginning to close on their own accord. Feyd was watching you, turned on his side so that he could get a better look at you. It was then, for the first time ever, that you fully noted how beautiful he was. Up close like this he was even more striking. Blue eyes, full lips and pale, flawless skin.Â
One thing that went unnoticed by you was the fact that Feyd didnât turn the lights off.Â
Without having to ask. . . he didnât turn the lights off.Â
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#feyd rautha#feyd x reader#feyd x you#feyd rautha x reader#feyd rautha x you#dune part two#dune part 2#dune#austin butler#austin butler x reader#smut#dune smut#feyd rautha smut#feyd rautha harkonnen#dune x reader#dune x you#dune fanfiction#feyd rautha fic#austin butler fic
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Questionable Interests
Parings: Art x Reader
Summary: You fall asleep next to Art while riding the subway, and then he walks you home
Warnings: Mention of blood/killings/serial killers, talk of drunk men, talk of drugs, a mean male subway driver
Word count: 1203
A/N: tehehehehfkbdfk i hope u like itttđđ itâs not the besssttt. i did this in one sitting within like 10 minutes HAHHA. i will do better stuff in the near future but Yes!woooo
Art was the talk of the town. âThe killer clown is back again!â âArt the serial killer clown was spotted?â â5 killings that all lead to a killer clown. People have seen a black and white clown with blood all over him. They thought it was fake blood but theyâre having second thoughts.â Art the clown.
You obviously heard of him. Youâve always had an odd obsession with serial killers and true crime documentaries. Itâs a.. passion, some would say. You wondered if Art had any motive, or if he just killed whoever he thought of killing. Did he kill people because they were mean to him? Judging? Or did he just kill anyone, even if they didnât pay him any mind at all. Did he feel anything when he killed? Did he feel anything at all?
You wished you could see him in real life. What can you say? Your have questionable interests.
Youâre currently on the subway, sitting down with your headphones in. Youâve had a long day today. Itâs about 8pm and all you want to do is get home and sleep.
The subway isnât very busy. Thereâs only about 5 or 6 people on it at the moment. Your mind begins to wonder about random things as your eyes threaten to close. The subway makes a stop, you pay no mind. Youâre too out of it to notice who gets on and who sits where. Little did you know, Art stumbles into the subway, bloody and carrying a black bag. Everyone looks scared and soft murmurs begin to start as people look him up and down. He sees you and doesnât think anything. He see's that you're the only one who doesn't really acknowledges him and so he sits next to you and tosses his black garbage bag on the other seat beside him. You don't hear nor see the worried whispers and worried eyes of the others on the subway.
Your eyes begin to close and your head slowly drops onto Artâs shoulder. Art is taken aback, his eyes go wide for a moment before looking down at you slowly. He stiffens and then goes back to staring in front of him at the empty seat. He doesnât particularly think anything of it. He just stays still and letâs you rest on him.
10 minutes later, he notices the subway is about to stop at the stop that he plans to get off. Though he doesnât get off. He just sits there.
After a while, itâs time for subway to âcloseâ aka just stop until the morning. Everyone is off except for you and Art. The driver gets up, and yells, âHey! Itâs time to go, come on. Get up!â
Art stars daggers at the man and just stays sitting down.
The subway driver rolls his eyes and hits the metal pole close to you. âCome on!â
With that, you suddenly wake up and whimper. Looking up to where the sound was made, you come to realization and your eyes go wide. âO-oh my gosh! Iâm so sorry. Where are-â
He cuts you off, âYouâre at the subway center on Marshall Street.â
Luckily that was not far from where you lived. You could walk, though youâre a bit scared to considering your watch says 2:50am. There are so many weirdos out there at this time. Drunk men stumbling out of bars, drug users, and even murderers! Like Art the clown. But honestly, youâd feel more safe with him than any other man. Which sounds horrible but at least you know he could protect you and he isnât afraid of killing someone if it came to that. But why on earth would he protect you? He would probably just kill you. You donât know what morals he has, if any.
Youâre about to get up but you realize that you were actually laying your head on something when you were sleeping. There was not a wall next you so..
You turn to where you were sleeping and you notice something black and white out of the corner of your eyes. Looking up, you see..
What? You have to be dreaming.
Art or someone who is dressed as Art is sitting there staring at you with a neutral expression. You just stare with wide eyes as he stares back without blinking. Looking straight at him, you can definitely confirm it's the Art. Blood & all.
âHey!! I said scram. Both of you!â The subway driver yells and motions for you both to leave.
You go to walk off the subway as Art reaches for his black bag and gets up to following you off, giving the subway driver a nasty look as he walks off.
Once you are off the subway, you look over to Art as he stares down at you. You donât feel scared, necessarily. He doesnât look mad or anything. But still, you feel the need to apologize for sleeping on his shoulder.
âH-hey. Iâm real sorry about falling asleep on you. It-itâs just been a long day.â You stutter out.
He looks at you and motions for you to walk.
âW-what?â You ask in confusion.
He makes a finger person with his hands and motions them walking.
âWalk? Walk where?â
He attempts to draw a house with his finger and points at you and back at the house.
You take it that he wants you to walk to your house. Does he want to follow you there? You really are starting to feel intuitive with the way you just thought of this not even a little while ago.
âWalk to my house?â You ask him.
He eagerly nods and gives you a thumbs up as he smiles.
Art the killer clown wants to walk you home? You smile to yourself at the situation youâre in right now. Most people would be running away but youâre literally happy right now. You are kind of a fan girl of Art, so itâs crazy that heâs actually here and not.. Killing you. He actually seems sweet. Maybe he does have morals left.
âO-okay.â You say.
You start to walk and he walks beside you, slugging along his black garbage bag. You two walk in silence. You want to ask him questions but youâre not sure if too much at once is a good idea. Maybe asking him questions will set him off in a way, youâre not sure. So you decide to just stay quiet and soak in the moment.
Youâre walking on the side of the sidewalk, until you hit a street. Your street. You take a turn and he follows, smiling to himself and looking around to take in the neighbourhood (Totally not to memorize where you live). You walk for a few minutes until you get to your house.
âThis is meâ You say as you awkwardly chuckle and motion towards your house.
He motions for you to walk up all the way to your door, at which you do. He follows you all the way until you open your door. Then, he waves goodbye with a smile and closes the door for you.
You stand on the other end, in disbelief of what just happened.
#terrifier#art#art the clown#art the killer clown#art terrifier#art x reader#art x y/n#art x you#art terrifier x reader#art terrifier x y/n#art terrifier x you#terrifier x reader#terrifier fanfic#art the clown x reader#art the clown x you#art the clown x y/n#terrifier art x reader#my works
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Time Traveller AU part 7
Part 1 is here. Part 2 is here. Part 3 is here. Part 4 is here. Part 5 is here. Part 6 is here. Time Traveller au masterlist is here. Check out my MASTERLIST for more!
Part 8 is here!
"Gather the troops and have them warn the public. All the infantries will be stationed here and here. The archers and cavalary-" Salauddin was sending orders to his generals. As soon as he was informed of Baldwin coming, you knew he had only limited time to make a game plan.
You didnt understand why Baldwin would come all the way here for a war. He wouldnt leave Jerusalem unarmed this way, so either he's bring half of his army while the other half protects his kingdom from invaders- which would put him at a great disadvantage against Salauddin. Or he's bringing all of his men and that means Jerusalem is practically up for grabs.
No. He wouldnt leave Jerusalem unarmed like that, so that means he's inadequately prepared for the war?
No. Baldwin's too smart. If he won against Salauddin at just 16 years, then he's definitely coming up with a plan. And it scares you to not know what he has in mind.
You looked at Salauddin who had just finished instructing his generals, as they left. He was stressed, you could see that. War. Its not a small thing. There are no true winners when there's blood shed on either side. While Salauddin does have the advantage of fighting in his home ground, that is also his disadvantage. At the end of it, his people- his Egypt will suffer.
"Y/n." Your eyes meet. "I need you to stay inside the palace. I will have guards assigned to you. If they tell you to go somewhere, follow them."
"What? No. I'm coming with."
"Have you lost your mind?"
You ignored his insult. "If Baldwin is coming for a war-" "You're gonna talk him out of it?" "I mean, its not a bad plan but I was gonna offer you to use me as a bargaining chip? That way you could avoid blood shed." You wouldn't offer to put your life in danger but since your time machine is still not ready, you need to avoid a war.
"No." He gave you a stern look. "I dont want you anywhere near him or his men. You will stay here. Listen to me for once."
"But I-"
"Y/n." He warned. You sighed before nodding. Well I could always just go out when he leaves, just like last time.
Almost as if he had read your mind, he made you follow him to a room that had no windows or any other exits besides the one door that was made of solid wood and had guards stationed outside.
"This is the safest room, Y/n. It is impenetrable." Oh no, you cant stay here.
"I think you're overreacting a bit-"
"Overreacting? Your fiance is coming over to start a war because of your crazy brother-in-law who you underestimated because you said that he's just a tool. I think I'm reacting very appropriately." He shut you up.
"I want Isabella."
"No."
"Please Salauddin, I need to keep her safe too-"
"No."
"This may be the last wish you ever grant me, so can you just agree-"
"You think I'm going to die?!" Salauddin stared at you in disbelief.
"I... I didnt say that." You tried to think of a lie. "I mean, maybe this might be the last time you see me... alive? Who knows when the angel of death pays you a visit? If we look at the statistics, between you, me and Baldwin, at least one of us going to die-"
"Stop talking." He gritted out, "Fine."
-
"Princess." Isabella wailed as soon as she entered. You let her hug you. "I missed you too, Isabella." You smiled wiping away her tears.
"I- I heard rumors of a war! Is it- his majesty coming?" The girl sniffled. You nodded.
"Its true. A war is going to happen... unless I do something about it." She blinked in confusion. "Huh?"
You held her hands and gave her your most pleading eyes. Its time for manipulation.
"I need you to get me out of here." "Why?" "Because I need to talk to my future husband out of war."
Her eyes widened. "B-but its too dangerous for you to go outside, princess!"
You sighed. "If I cant even protect people from unnecessary pain and bloodshed, then what good am I as a queen?" Yes, time for some heart breaking lines about self sacrifice. "I would rather risk my life than the lives of those who have their families waiting for them at home. I would happily fall on my own sword if it means my subjects wont have to. If I cant prevent suffering of the very people who would bleed for me, then I have no right to be the queen of Jerusalem."
-
Half an hour later, Isabella had knocked on the door for the guards to let her out.
"Sultan Salauddin has forbidden-"
"Princess Y/n from leaving. Not me. I'm her lady in waiting and the princess needs me to get her belongings so that she can write her will."
"We can have it fetched-"
"You? A common man she has no relations with- wants to touch her stuff? I dont think so." Isabelle glared at them through her niqaab (all of your maids had followed your dress code in Egypt). She didnt wait for an answer as she began walking away before a man appeared by her side. It was one of Salauddin's guards.
"What?" She snapped at him, continuing to walk.
"They sent me to walk with you and bring you back safely." He said before grinning at her. "I thought you'd be happy to see your habeebo."
"Habeebo?" She asked, reaching your room.
He caught her wrist and turned her around, gazing at her veiled face with affection. "You cant still be mad at me for leaving the other night- I had duties."
"What right do I have to be mad at you?" Isabella kept her face down, conveying she was still very much mad.
"Habeebo's habibti- you have all rights over me. You're the only woman for me." Habeebo said as he placed a hand over his heart.
Isabelle finally giggled, freeing her wrist from his grasps. "Stop... someone could walk in on us." She warned.
"So? I'm not afraid. I can do anything for love!"
"Anything?"
"Anything." He assured her.
"Then go fetch me some cold water while I pack the princesse's belongings. Hurry now, I'll be waiting for you here." Habeebo all but smiled before walking towards the kitchen, leaving Isabella alone in your room.
As soon as she was sure he was gone, she removed her veil and quickly changed her chaddar with yours.
"Thanks Isabella." You muttered as you slipped on your chaddar. Yes, you had left Isabella in the room upstairs and pretended to be her to slip out of there. She had told you about her crush Habeebo who you had also fooled into leaving you here, and youre sure that if he were to go back upstairs and find Isabella instead of you, he'd protect her. Surely.
Sneaking out of the palace wasnt a hard feat by now. What was hard was trying to figure out what way to go to find Baldwin or Salauddin, with all the people panicking as they were being constantly warned by guards about Baldwin's arrival.
You decided to go through the market and head towards the madarrasa, though you doubt Abbas is anywhere done with the parts you gave him to make. You had given a week's deadline but only because you needed him to hurry up, not because he could actually make them in such little time.
The streets were packed, shops were getting closed and people were trying to rush home to safety. You were nearing the madarrasa when you were pulled to the side in an alley.
"Y/n!" Abbas exclaimed. "Finally, I found you." You raised a brow and he grinned. "Your things are ready."
"Already?" You were in disbelief. How did he-
He puffed his chest. "Of course. I had a deadline and with the war being announced, I'm glad I made haste!" You felt hope again. If the parts are ready, all you need to do is assemble them and you can leave this timeline for once and for all, and if Baldwin and Salauddin do end up fighting each other, everything works out! You're sure that Salauddin would win by playing to his strengths, and because eventually Guy will fuck up and betray Baldwin and cause him to die. Then another crusade will happen and Salauddin will take over Jerusalem! Everyone wins.
"Well? Hand it over."
"I dont have it with me right now! I took the parts home to work on them. Lets go." You trailed behind him, the market still bustling as the air became more tensed. They're kingdom is about to be attacked and they have little to no time to prepare for it.
Soon, you reached his home. It was a cozy place, made of mud. The beige walls added onto the coolness. He lead you inside, crossing the patio. Abbas told you to wait there while he went inside a room to get your parts. While waiting, your eyes landed on a cage in the corner that had 5 doves.
"Here it is." Abbas returned with a wooden box and gave it to you.
Opening it, you saw the designs you had given him. You took the parts out and examined them. They weren't top notch, but they'll make do.
"Thank you." You handed him a pouch of gold coins. He pocketed it before raising his brows at you. "So... will you finally tell me what this is for?"
You looked up at him before taking out your time machine. Might as well assemble it here and leave as soon as possible. "I would but I'm afraid it'll go over your head." He frowned at your words before grumbling angrily under his breath before going to the doves to give them seed. Good, he should be distracted while you put these parts in.
It didnt take more than a few minutes for you to place them in. All you had to do was to put in the last key, turn it on and set the date-
"Y/n." You looked up at Abbas, not understanding his horrified expression. What's wrong? You followed his gaze and looked behind you, and there it was-
A shadow standing at the doorway of the patio.
You squinted your eyes before your heart dropped at the realisation.
Black robes, hood over the head, geared up.
Assassin.
"This is the wrong house." Abbas said with a trembling voice.
The assassin stepped forward into the light, while you and Abbas took a few steps back.
"What- what do you want?" The assassin didnt answer him, his eyes fixed on you. This is- this is not an Ismaili. They wouldnt attack alone, and especially not so soon, and not when a war hangs over their head.
The assassin took another step forward, this time you grabbed the time machine and held it closely. This made the dark figure tilt his head at you.
"Get behind me." You moved behind Abbas. "Get out of my house- this is not the time. Evacuate!" Abbas warned the guy but he didnt stop staring at you.
As soon as he took another step, Abbas grabbed a wooden stick from the side and ran towards him, only for him to be flipped over his shoulder and slammed to the ground. You took this as a sign to run but the assassin was faster, grabbing you by the chaddar as it ripped off you. Your eyes widened as he grabbed you by the shoulder and yanked you back and your immediate reaction was to slap him, but he caught your wrist and pushed you back inside the patio. Abbas got up and tried to punch him, but he was knocked down back on his back in a second.
You ran, but didnt make it more than a few steps before you got tackled to the ground. You struggled to break free but the assassin had his arms wrapped around your neck, putting you in a chokehold.
Knowing Abbas couldnt come to your rescue, you clawed at the assassins hands, flailed about trying to break free from under him. But he had overpowered you, putting immense pressure until you started seeing black dots.
Just at the last moment, your eyes caught the sight of the dove cage and instinctively, you yanked the cage, hoping to hit the assassin in the head with it, but all you managed was to tip it over, the latch holding it close dropped.
And in the next moment, the doves flew out and went straight for the assassin. You wouldnt say they were attacking him, but the moment he saw them flying in his direction, he raised his hands to bat them away, which only caused him to get scratched-
You didnt stick around to find out if they clawed his face off, springing to your feet as you ran inside a room, hoping to find a window to escape.
You spot the window, quickly opening the wooden frame to leap out. Only the moment you have one foot out, you're pulled back inside and thrown against the wall.
The assassin is back, his body language conveying he's more pissed now than before.
You cant outrun him. You take a fighting stance. You know very well that you cant beat him either, but it works well to at least make him doubt that.
Maybe you could bribe him?
"What do you want?" You ask him, your fists raised. He tilted his head at your attempt to look ominous.
You glared at him. "You let me and my friend go, and I can assure you I can give you enough gold to keep you out of work forever. I am..." you pause before using your last card. "I am King Baldwin's fiance, future queen of Jerusalem. Let me go, and I'll give you anything you want."
He took another step forward and you knew you were backed into a corner so you punched him, only he caught your fist before it was anywhere near his face.
He stared at you, tightening his hold on your wrist.
"Please dont hurt me." You gulped before raising your other hand to punch him, but he caught it too. Now both of your hands were in one of his while he used the other to grab your throat and push you against the wall.
"Oh fuc-" He squeezed a pressure point on your neck until you passed out.
-
Salauddin was on his horse at the front of his army, waiting at the gates of his kingdom for Baldwin. His generals had informed him that they had placed the respective troops posted according to his plan. Everyone waited with baited breath for his command. They're ready to protect their sultan, ready to sacrifice their lives to protect their kingdom.
Salauddin heard them before he saw them.
The heavy jingle of metal armour, the marching of the horses and then he saw their cross flags. He gave a nod to his men, signalling to be prepared.
They're coming.
In all honesty, Salauddin was expecting Baldwin's army to not make it through the hot desert, since they rarely ever leave Jerusalem.
But it was still a surprise when he saw the actual size of his army.
It wasnt that much. Thought he anticipated it, after all Baldwin wouldnt have left his kingdom without some men, but now this means that Baldwin is not relying on numbers.
He's relying on strategy. And its hard to predict Baldwin's moves.
Salauddin's mouth turned into a grim line. What was he planning?
The templars lead the army to the gates of Egypt. The Muslims had their weapons ready to be drawn. Salauddin watched the Christians Knights halt.
Do they attack now?
Baldwin emerged from the masses on his horse, sporting his iron mask despite not needing it anymore. Salauddin also rode his horse to meet him halfway, knowing his generals dont appreciate him leaving.
Their horses stopped a few feet apart from each other. Everything was silent apart from the sound of warm air whooshing through the desert.
Baldwin raised his hand. Salauddin heart skipped a beat. He's going to signal them to attack-
"Salam alaikum!" Baldwin greeted with a wave.
Salauddin gave a nod. "Walaikum asalam."
Baldwin tilted his head. "Why so tense, Sal? Not happy to see me?"
"I dont like uninvited guests." He replied. Baldwin chuckled. "Of course. But we're friends-"
"Why are you here, Baldwin?"
Baldwin stared at him. No king appreciates being interrupted.
"I'm here to meet my fiancee."
Salauddin stared at him unamused. "You left the Holy Land to meet your fiancee who was going to return home soon anyways?"
Baldwin shrugged. "I missed her."
"Baldwin."
The young king sighed. "I know I should've informed you before coming but I really do want to see Y/n. I mean no harm, Salauddin." He raised his hands in surrender. "I just thought it would be a nice surprise for her. Ever since she cured me, I realised I hadnt seen the world that much, so what better location than Egypt?"
Salauddin stared at him, before his gaze fell on his army.
"Come on, Salauddin. Where's Y/n?" Baldwin asked with a goofy smile.
Salauddin's brows furrowed before he sighed. "In my palace." He nodded at his men to open the gates as he lead Baldwin in. But not before whispering to his second in command to surround the kingdom from all perimeters and be on high alert. Things can always go south.
Baldwin smirked looking at the size of Salauddin's army. "Aww, you didnt have to bring them for my warm welcome." Salauddin ignored him, knowing very well that Baldwin knew how it looked when a king comes unannounced at another king's door.
-
They soon arrived at the palace, welcomed by servants and maids who were looking at Baldwin in awe. They had heard rumors of his beauty, and when he removed his mask, they realised how huge of an understatement it was. And the fact that this young king was the one to defeat their sultan at just 16 years age, it definitely added to the charm.
But Baldwin wasnt blind to the furious gazes of his soldiers either. He just ignored them, which was easy since his mind was occupied by thoughts of you. Y/n. My princess. My angel.
What surprised Salauddin was that Baldwin hadnt come alone. No, Guy was here too which only confused him more. If Baldwin brought Guy along, then who did he leave to take care of Jerusalem? Sibylla and Guy's son was still too young to be a heir.
He did remember your theory about Guy being the one to hire the assassins to ambush you in the desert. If Guy came here despite his failed attempts to get rid of his enemies, then he's either incredibly stupid or he's well assured that he'll get away with everything.
Salauddin wont let him. He'll make Guy pay.
"I hate to rush you Salauddin, I know Muslims are knows for their hospitality but can you just lead me to Y/n's room? She is a sight for sore eyes." Baldwin requested sweetly, making Salauddin roll his eyes. He signalled a servant to bring you down.
Guy looked disgusted to be in the presence of so many Muslims, but the moment he caught sight of any maids passing by, he would be eyeing them like a piece of meat. A maid came by holding drinks in a tray. When she offered it to Baldwin and then Guy, the latter startled the poor girl by purposely touching her wrist with his grubby paws.
Salauddin gripped the armrest tightly. If he wasnt Baldwin's brother-in-law, Salauddin would've plucked his eyes out and had him whipped in public to make an example out of scum like him.
"So, when did you leave your camp outside Jerusalem? I was expecting to see you there on my way here, but there were new troops of yours instead." Baldwin asked, sipping the cool drink.
"I came here with Y/n. I had some errands that required my attention." Salauddin didnt bring up the ambush, watching both him and Guy to gauge their reactions. Did they know?
"Went on any new conquests recently?" Salauddin decided to make small talk as they waited for you. He hopes you're not taking time to get ready to meet Baldwin. He'd rather you come up covered in a chaddar when Guy is here.
Instead of allowing Baldwin to answer, Guy cut him off. "Of course! We are the noble warriors, the Chosen Ones! God wants us to conquer as much as possible, for the sake of his-"
"How dare you talk to me?" Salauddin silenced him. "I'm talking to your king. He may allow it but you're in my kingdom now. You will abide by the rules or so help me, your head will be on a spike for the crows to shit on." Guy's eyes widened and his jaw fell open. No one had threatened him like that, at least not since he married Sibylla.
Baldwin barely suppressed a smile and when Guy looked at him for help, he only shrugged. "You should listen to him. We are his guests, after all."
The servant returned with the special guards he had assigned to protect you, all looking scared.
"S-sultan... the princess-" Baldwin and Salauddin's gaze sharpened at your mention. The poor servant gulped.
"The princess is gone."
There was deafening silence. The servant had his head bowed, along with the guards, all too afraid of the wrath they're going to face.
"Gone? Gone where?" Salauddin spat as he walked upto them.
"I- I dont know-" Salauddin grabbed the guard by the collar and shook him. "I left her in a room with no windows, a room guarded by the 6 of the most skilled men. Where did she go?!"
The guard's head only lowered further. "Sultan, we only opened the door to let princess Y/n's maid in and out. B-but- but when we opened the door, the maid was waiting there instead of the princess!"
"Which maid? Where is she?!" Salauddin roared.
The guard nodded at his men who pushed a young girl forward roughly. She fell on her knees, crying pitifully. He immediately recognised her.
Isabella.
"Where's the princess?" Salauddin questioned her, only to be answered in hiccups and tears. A vein on his forehead popped. He doesnt have time for this. Who knows where you are? If you're safe-
"Isabella." Baldwin called out gently, kneeling in front of her. She sniffled and bowed her head. "Isabella, look at me." She took panicked breaths before lifting her eyes to meet his kind ones, not a a grain of anger in them.
"You know where princess Y/n is?" He asked, pushing her hair back over her ear. She shook her head, hiccuping though she wasnt bawling her heart now.
"Use your words, Isabella. Tell me what happened." Enchanted by his gentleness, she spilled, told him all about how you made her take your place so that you could go and stop you from starting a war with the sultan.
Salauddin watched the interaction closely, trying to figure out if Isabella was lying. He did note Baldwin's behabiour throughout this entire interrogation as well. For someone whose future wife is missing, Baldwin is surprisingly calm. Then again, he's rarely ever seen Baldwin lose his temper.
"Where did she go?" Baldwin questioned her once again.
"I- I dont know, your majesty. She never told me!" Isabella cried out.
Baldwin nodded before standing up, his brows furrowed as rubbed his chin with his thumb and index finger.
"If Y/n was going out to stop me and she never reached the gates, then it means... she's still here." Baldwin said after some deep thought. He looked at Salauddin. "Your men have surrounded the kingdoms, havent they?"
Salauddin nodded before ordering his men to find you.
"Search every house, every place. No one gets in or out of the kingdom!" He yelled at them, watching them leave. He felt Baldwin stand beside him and out of the corner of his eye, he saw his face wasn't... too concerned.
"You know, for someone whose fiancee is missing, you're surprisingly calm." Salauddin was both stating his observation, and accusing him too. Did Baldwin know where you were?
Baldwin simply smiled, his dimples showing. "I know you will find her."
"And why is that?"
"Because if I dont have Y/n in my arms by today, then I will burn your Egypt to the ground."
-
The Templar Knights kicked down doors, rattled the poor citizens and took great glee in destroying their belongings, using you as an excuse to "search thoroughly". Salauddin's army was also rigorously working to find you, interrogating everyone for any clues on you. Then again, no one had really seen how you looked like. You were just another woman covered in a chaddar and niqaabi among a whole city of them. It would be like finding needle in a hay stack and Salauddin wasnt about to allow anyone to rip off the niqaabs off his Muslim women. He wont allow such a transgression.
Fortunately, Baldwin agreed. After all, why would you be hiding from him? You dont have a reason to, right? But still, he had to find you. So he was walking through the streets of Egypt himself to look for you.
Salauddin had joined him, and not just because he wanted to ensure the safety of his folks but also to stop Guy from provoking Baldwin by feeding him any lies.
That cretin was getting on his last nerves.
Salauddin pretended to be deaf as Guy harshly whispered to Baldwin that "How can a princess just vanish? Clearly, there's someone plotting. These Arabs must've sold her off! They dont respect women like we do-" only to be pushed away by Baldwin who told him to focus his energy on finding you.
Its been 3 hours since Baldwin's arrival and still no sign of you. Despite his best attempts, Salauddin could see Baldwin's calm demeanour chipping away. He was running out of patience.
They were now standing outside the madarrassa where all the scholars, students and staff were rounded up. Salauddin was the only one who knew about Abbas, but now that he looked at each face, he realised he was the only one missing.
Immeadiately, he sent the guards to find him. Salauddin was sure that he knew about your whereabouts, He had to.
"Who is Abbas?" Baldwin asked as they both followed the guards that had found out his residence.
Salauddin didnt miss the suspicion in his tone. As much as he wanted to toy with Baldwin, now is not the time.
"He is a craftsman. Y/n had hired him to make something for her. Maybe she went there to collect it." He purposely avoided telling him about the unique chessboard you had gifted him.
After half an hour, they had reached Abbas's residence. It wasnt all that odd to find the front door open, and truth be told, no one was expecting anyone to be home.
It was concerning to find the disasterous state of the house as they entered. Clay pots were smashed to the ground, a cage lying empty in one corner. Clearly, something had happened here.
However, something caught Salauddin's eye that made his heart sink.
Your chaddar, lying on the ground.
-
You woke up with a pounding headache. When your lids fluttered open, they first spotted the single candle in the corner of the dimly lit room. Memories of the previous events flashed through your mind and you fitted the pieces like a jigsaw puzzle.
When your eyes finally adjusted to the dimly lit room, you realised you were still in the same room the assassin had knocked you out. Not only that, but Abbas was also lying beside you, though he hadnt regained conciousness yet.
"Abbas- Abbas, wake up." You raised your hand to shake him, but your eyes caught the sight of your ripped sleeve. When- when did this-
You looked down at your clothes and realised they were all tattered too. Your niqaab was gone, you recalled the assassin had pulled off your chaddar during your escape attempt, and now that you looked at Abbas, he was in a similar state too. His clothes were torn and ripped too. But why? The assassin had already knocked you two out, he didnt need to-
You gasped, patting yourself to find your lack of belongings. Your time machine was gone, as was your jewellery an coins. You'd been robbed!
Panic surged into your veins as you violently shook Abbas, your machine was gone- your only way out of this era was gone!
"Abbas! Wake up!" But he only groaned in response. What was wrong with him?
You dont have time to wonder as you rushed to open the door. You need to catch that thief, assassin- whatever he was, before he got too far and you lost your time machine forever. Grabbing the handles, you tried to yank the door open, but it didnt even budge. Its... locked.
You whipped your head around, remembering the window you were trying to get out of earlier. Running up to it, you tried to open the wooden shutters, but they didnt move an inch. No. No. This is- this is not happening. You ran back towards the door. You felt your throat close up as you pulled the door with all your might before banging your fists against them in frustration.
You were locked in.
The thief has your time machine. He's probably gone far away with it. By the time anyone comes to your aid, he'd have fled the city. He'd be gone as Baldwin and Salauddin fight and burn Egypt to the ground. I'll be trapped here, probably die under the rubble with Abbas-
Abbas.
You look back at him, still unconscious. How hard was his head hit?
You fall back on your knees besides him, trying to wake him up. He'd know- Abbas would know how to get out of this room. He's smart, and he knows his house, probably built it himself- he'd know a way out.
"Abbas! ABBAS! Wake up! Wake up-!" You grabbed his head and laid it in your lap, turning it side-to-side to see if he was bleeding. You started to massage his temples, hoping the circulation will wake him up.
Wait. Circulation.
You recalled what they taught you in first aid class- what to do when someone faints? Raise their legs above heart level. You quickly moved and pulled his knees up until they were able to stay bent on their own, before cradling his head in your lap again, tapping his cheeks.
"Abbas- Abbas, wake up please. Abbas-! I swear if you dont wake up, I will give you a tight slap-"
You were cut off by the sound of the door being banged.
What in the-
The door shook as something hard banged against it. You jumped at the force. Did the war start already? Are they using cannonballs?
No. While cannonballs were used as heavy artillery in medieval Europe, it was more popularly used in the 1700s, but I'm still in the 1100s-
NOT THE TIME TO GEEK OUT! I'M ABOUT TO DIE-
The door burst open and light flooded into the room, blinding you for a moment. You raised your hand to shield yourself from the light before slowly bringing your hand down as you saw figures entering into the room.
Once your eyes finally adjusted, you recognised the figures in front of you.
Salauddin. Baldwin. Guy-
Guy?
All three of them stared at you, though your eyes remained focused on Baldwin, who looked at you, then at your clothes, and then... at Abbas.
The look of relief turned into confusion. What? Whats wrong?
You heard Salauddin yell something in Arabic at his soldiers, which made them instantly look away and leave the room. Baldwin kept looking at you in barely suppressed shock.
"Baldwin?" You whispered, though it was Salauddin who moved first, removing his chaddar and bending down to cover you with it, but your eyes were fixated on Baldwin's face. Why is he... looking at you like that?
Wait. If Baldwin and Salauddin are here together, then it means there's no war. Which means-
"Are you okay? What happened?" Salauddin asked you, though before you could answer him, Guy began laughing.
"Okay? She's more than okay!" He smirked. "After all, she was spending some time with her secret lover!"
Both your and Salauddin's eyes went wide. It finally clicked why Baldwin was looking at you like that.
He thinks you and Abbas-
"No. That's not true-" You tried to speak but Guy cut you off.
"Of course it is! Look at you, holding his head in your lap so sweetly!" He accused before snarling at you. "And you chose a dirty Muslim to cheat on our King? The audacity! And the lack of taste."
You shook your head. "Thats not true. This is Abbas. He's a- a craftsman-" "Oh, I'm sure you were pretty crafty with him too." Guy cut you off.
"Shut up, Guy!" You snapped. "I came to get my valuables from him. It was a gift! I had them commissioned for- for you Baldwin!" You half lied.
"And where is that gift?" Guy interrogated.
"I was robbed. We both were-" "Oh how convenient!" You glared at him. He was framing you. You pointed at your clothes. "How else do you explain the torn clothes?!"
Guy hummed and you knew you were going to regret as soon as a disgusting smile crept on his face.
"Well, animals fuck with wild passion-"
"I WAS ROBBED!" You yelled. "Look, the thief even knocked out Abbas!"
"I dont see a head injury." Guy shrugged. "I just think he's passed out from drinking. Or maybe his stamina wore out-"
"Shut up! Just shut up!" Your face was red with rage, though to anyone else it may have looked like you were caught red handed in a lie. You calmed yourself down. You need to explain before things got worse.
"Baldwin, I'm not having an affair with Abbas. He's married-" Once again, Guy cut you off, this time waving his hands. "My king, it doesnt matter to these Muslims. They're into polygamy. Whats one wife, when you can have four?"
Of all the things, this is the one thing he knows about Islam?
You didnt detect one, not a single emotion of trust or love from Baldwin's stoic face. Is he- is he actually believing this bull?
Why wouldnt he? He's a man after all. And who knows what other lies Guy has been filling his head with to make him doubt your loyalty?
Enough is enough. You need to come clean.
"You know what Guy? I was going to keep this a secret to let you beg for forgiveness, but I think its time for the truth, hm?" You watched Guy's smirk falter. Enough games. You stared at Baldwin with determination. "Here's what has happened Baldwin: Charlotte didnt just happen to drop by Jerusalem. No, Guy summoned her by pretending to be you. Oh and I have that exact letter where Guy used your respectful name as proof. Guy exploited Charlotte and his plan was to use her and her son's illness to infect you so that you could die and he could get your throne."
Guy's face paled. But you didnt stop there.
"Of course, when that didnt work because you and I have an unbreakable bond, Guy decided to get rid of me." You looked at Salauddin. "When I left for Egypt and I was at Salauddin's camp, he had hired assassins to ambush us in the dead of the night and kill me or Salauddin, or both! If I were to die while I was with Salauddin, he would've convinced you that Salauddin was the one who killed me. And if Salauddin was dead, then it meant good news for Guy because he would have to deal with one less enemy after he took your throne."
"Lies! There's no proof-"
"No proof? Baldwin, did you realise that more than half of my entourage was missing? Its because they're dead. And if that isnt enough proof, then this might help-" You pulled up your sleeves to show your fading burn marks. "My back is full of these marks because the assassins left me to die in a burning tent. It was Salauddin who saved me!"
"And today? When we heard you were coming, everyone thought that there will be a war. I left the palace on my own, to find you Baldwin. I wanted to stop you from committing unnecessary bloodshed! I came to Abbas's house to get my gift for you, but Guy sent a thief after us! The thief knocked us out and he robbed us both!" You explained. "Didn't you ever wonder Baldwin- why Guy decided to accompany you today? Guy has never left Jerusalem, not even for a war, not to defend his people. He wouldnt leave the throne empty! He hopes, he prays and he plots for you to die everytime you leave Jerusalem so that he can finally be king!"
"BLASPHEMOUS!" Guy screamed, red in the face. "You wench-!"
"With all due respect Guy, which is NONE! I didnt think you would be smart enough to come up with such schemes. I underestimated you, which turned out to be mistake because you made Baldwin doubt me!"
Guy shook his head and stood in between you and Baldwin, acknowledging the stoic faced king first. "This is slander! All lies, Baldwin! I'm your brother-in-law! I would never betray you!"
"Never betray Baldwin? You aren't even loyal to Sibylla! I could have more than half of Jerusalem attest to that you've tried sleeping with other women! Adulterer!" Guy's eyes practically popped out of his socket and he screeched.
"You dare accuse me of cheating?! YOU?! You're the one who is locked in a dark room with a strange man in your lap like a fucking whore!" Not risking Baldwin's suspicion, Guy stormed towards you with his hand raised to strike you.
"You unfaithful, lying bitch-!" You heard the air being sliced and you flinched as you felt something splatter across your cheek.
Thud.
You looked down to where the sound came from.
Guy's head dropped in front of you.
Your ears began ringing. Slowly, your eyes trailed back up to where his body remained.
Headless body. That fell to its knees before dropping to the side.
You could hear the ringing get louder.
Baldwin stood there, his eyes full of rage, his hand holding his sword that had just cut off Guy's head.
He was breathing heavily, nostrils flared and a vein popped in his temple. Your heart dropped as his eyes landed on you and he moved towards you.
Your consciousness finally gave out.
Salauddin caught you but not for long as Baldwin made his way to you. Fearing for you, Salauddin tried to bargain for your life.
"Baldwin, she didnt-"
"Let her go. Now." Baldwin commanded, throwing Abbas's head off your lap. He didnt wait for Salauddin to move, simply taking you from his arms, ripping off the chaddar and replacing it with his cloak instead, before picking you up.
"Lets go home." He whispered in your ear before kissing your temple, pulling you snug against him as he walked out of the room.
-
You wake up to the feeling something wet on your legs. You jolt, eyes snapping open as you look for your potential assaulter-
"Isabella?" You croaked as you saw the young girl at the foot of the bed, her face red and eyes swollen from all the crying.
"P-princess." She greeted tearfully, holding a wet towel in her hand. Her lips wobbled as she spoke, nose bright red, sniffling as she stared at you with those big sad eyes.
"What's wrong?" You couldnt help but be soft with her. She just- she looked so pitiful.
She looked down, her hands clutching the towel tightly. "You- you were- you were gone for so many hours. I- I didnt know where you were- his majesty and the sultan- they were so mad- they were so concerned- i- i didnt think they believed me when I said I didnt know- where- where you were- i thou-thought you were-" Her tears cut off her hiccuping explanation. You didnt think she would be this distraught over you.
"Its... its okay, Isabella. You didnt do anything wrong. I'm... fine." You tried to calm her down, beckoning her forward. You sat up on the bed, taking the rag from her hands before holding her hands in yours. Giving them a gentle squeeze, you assured her. "I'm fine, Isabella. In fact, I should apologise for causing you all the trouble-" She shook her head. "No- princess- its my duty to serve-" You gave her hands another squeeze, calming her down.
"Thank you- oh. Isabella-" You looked at her hands, noticing something red peeking from her wrist. You pulled her sleeve up, realising that the redness was from the welts on her arms. "What happened?" You asked, turning her wrist around, noticing a small scratch.
She pulled her hands away, pulling down her sleeves as she sniffled. "N-nothing to worry about, princess-"
"Did you get injured? Are you okay?" She nodded. "I just- when I heard you were missing, it made me worry too much and I- I tend to scratch my arms when I'm stressed!"
You gave her sympathetic look, grabbing the cool towel from earlier and handing it to her. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Isabella. Here- take this. It'll help your skin, hm?"
"But the king asked me to wipe your sweat with this-"
"Its fine- wait? What sweat?"
She nodded. "We've been travelling through the desert for some days. His Majesty suggested I be the one to wipe you clean while you were unconscious." Now that you looked around, you realised you were in a tent, much different in design to Salauddin's.
Wait, desert?
"We've left Egypt?"
"Yes-"
She stopped speaking as soon as the sound of footsteps filled the room.
You stiffened at the sight of Baldwin.
Isabella had to only take one look at his face before taking her leave. Events of the last time you had seen him flashed through your mind, and you couldnt help but be scared of him when you remembered the murderous look on his face as he killed Guy. It is one thing to know that a king has killed people, perhaps even more brutally than this but after spending so many months with Baldwin, you had become accustomed to his soft nature. Never in your worst nightmares could you have ever imagined such a barbaric actions from him, and to his own brother-in-law.
It made you question everything, your own mortality- your own safety with him.
"How are you feeling?" He had his arms crossed behind his back as he made his way towards you. It took everything for you to not flinch back and beg for your life. No- no, you need to think smartly. If he wanted to kill you, he wouldve gotten rid of you back there-
Or maybe he has decided to torture you.
"I'm fine." You replied weakly, keeping your eyes on your lap. You dont want to risk pissing him off.
Maybe I should apologise, clear the air before he has any other doubts about me.
"I'm sorry." You said abruptly, finally looking up at him. His stoic expression didnt falter. This is not the Baldwin you knew, no. This was the king you had imagined when you first came here. Stiff and apathetic.
Taking his silence as a sign, you continued. "I'm sorry... for everything. For hiding the truth about Guy, for causing misunderstandings, for making you doubt me-"
"I never doubted you." He cut you off.
Your brows raised in surprise. He sighed sitting down on the bed besides you.
"I never doubted you, Y/n. Not once." He said with conviction."I didnt doubt you when Salauddin said you'd be with Abbas. I didnt doubt you when Guy raised false allegations. I didnt doubt you when I saw you in that dark room alone with that man. You could've been naked in there and I still would not have doubted you."
Your lips parted. What... what was he-
"You trust me? That much?" You couldn't help but whisper.
He smiled sadly. "I do. And more than that, I trust in my love for you." Baldwin looked down at his hands, still smiling gently. "I love you so deeply that I know you would never betray me. I have loved you the way I want someone to love me. My love for you... it is free of impurity, of imperfection. And thats how I know you would never betray me."
You couldnt help the tears that came in your eyes, and you looked down. How could he- how could he-
"If anyone should apologise, it should be me, Y/n." Your head snapped back at him. He was looking at you with genuine guilt. "I may have loved you deeply but I have failed to express it to you. Had I- had I done a better job, had I let you know just how much I feel for you, you wouldn't have hesitated to come to me. You wouldn't have felt the need to hide your traumas, your pain from me. You wouldn't have felt shy to get my help, to tell me your secrets. All of this could've been avoided if I had made you feel secure enough to come to me. I alone am responsible-"
"Baldwin." Your teary voice cut him off. You shake your head, sniffling at him. "This- this isnt your fault- I-"
"You did nothing wrong." He assured you, holding your hand. "Traps were set for you, but it was my job to save you from them. I am your protector, your shield. I owe my life to you. I owe everything to you."
A tear slipped from your eye. "I- I didnt think you'd save me. I thought you didnt trust me- I thought I lost you forever." You dont know why you said that, but they were true.
"I would've found you. I will always find you." Baldwin cupped your cheek, he felt his heart break at your confession.
"If I don't go to you Y/n, then where do I go?" And at that, the dam you'd been holding finally broke.
Baldwin immediately pulled you into his lap, his arms wrapping around you as you buried your head into his shoulder, sobs wracking your entire being. You dont know why you're crying, whether its because of Baldwin's pure love for you, or that Guy is dead because of you and you've ruined the timeline, or because you're mourning the loss of your time machine and its just dawning on you that you're stuck here forever.
He patted your back, rocking you gently like a child. "All my paths lead to you, Y/n. All my conquests bring me to you. Everything leads to you." He kissed your cheek, his hand petting your hair smoothly as you broke down in his arms. "You... you are the beginning and end of my everything."
Baldwin pulled you away and wiped your tears away with his thumbs. "I love you, Y/n. And I know you love me too. You may not say it, but I know deep down in your heart, you love me. I know you do-"
"I love you, Baldwin." You said.
His eyes went wide. "You don't have to say it-"
"I love you, Baldwin. I really do." You admitted.
Baldwin's shock was replaced with joy, a grin gracing his face as he cupped your face and kissed your forehead deeply.
"You have no idea how happy you've made me." He whispered before pulling you into his embrace.
-
Following this, you both began your journey back to Jerusalem. Every now and then, you'd start crying again because you'd realised just how much you were loved by Baldwin. You remembered the time when you saw him with Charlotte and you didn't give him a chance to explain. You had already decided that he was a cheater, he was disloyal. Yet when the tables were turned, when everything pointed against you and Baldwin had every right to find you disloyal, have you punished for even being in a locked room with another man, he trusted you. He didn't question your love for him. And even if you didn't love him back then, you respected him enough, both as a king and as a man and he still didn't ask for an explanation, let alone accuse you of adultery.
The rest of the trip home was spent with you crying and Baldwin consoling you like a toddler. No matter how many times your tears fell, he was right there to wipe them away and assure you that you did nothing wrong.
Did you love Baldwin? Maybe not back then, but you do now. Perhaps he was right. Maybe you did love Baldwin deep down, you just didn't know it.
And it's not like you don't have a choice either way. With your time machine lost, you can't leave this place. So, you've accepted your fate and agreed to marry him. Baldwin says the wedding preparations are mostly complete and the wedding day is on Sunday.
Today is Friday, when you both finally reach Jerusalem. It didn't dawn on you until now just how you were going to face Sibylla, the woman whose husband was killed because of you.
But Baldwin already had a plan. "Guy was buried in an unmarked grave outside of Egypt. I have instructed my knights to inform everyone that Guy had died a dishonourable death because he was a traitor to the crown."
"Traitor to the crown?"
He nodded. "I'll tell Sibylla I caught him cheating on her and plotting against me." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Its believable. She'll be upset, but she'll get over it. Besides, she deserves better than him. I have already found a list of suitors for her."
He truly has thought of everything.
-
Sibylla as expected was the grieving widow and after she welcomed you and Baldwin, she excused herself and left. You pitied her, she really did love Guy despite all his shortcomings. But she also respected her brother.
After a quiet dinner, you had returned to your room. You sat on your bed as you thought over the events of the past few days. Baldwin had assured you that he doesnt hold any hostility towards Salauddin. In fact, to further put your mind at peace, he told you that he had invited Salauddin to the wedding. As for Abbas, Baldwin said he doesnt know what happened to him but he's sure Salauddin didnt harm the man.
"Did you ever find your family?" Baldwin had asked earlier. You shook your head, telling him that you mistaken someone you thought was family.
"I know you would prefer to have the Nikkah first, before our actual wedding, but I wasnt able to find someone to marry us off in the Islamic way. But then-" He grinned, almost proud of himself. "I decided who better than Salauddin?! Since he'll be arriving on the day of the ceremony, he could walk you down the aisle and then later that day, he could do the Nikkah for us!" You could only smile and agree, what difference does it make what ceremony happens first? You're stuck here either way, and you're gonna be his wife soon.
You sighed and got up to dress into something more comfortable. As you removed your clothes, your hand found something in your underclothes.
The key.
You fiddled with it. Its useless now. The thief probably has broken your machine or sold it and it could be anywhere in the world now, also useless without this key here.
You put it back in your underclothes. Perhaps it'll be of use you can craft your machine again one day.
Lying in your bed, you thought about Guy. You didnt feel guilty, no. He had it coming, and it really was a matter of you versus him at the end. But what bothers you is how much you had underestimated him.
Guy's plan was perfect. There was no chance of escape for you. He had ambushed you and Salauddin, and when you narrowly escaped that attack, he brought Baldwin to Egypt to cause misunderstandings between him and Salauddin. And when they found you with Abbas, all his allegations were perfectly said. You're only here because Baldwin was far too much in love with you. He had no reason to not take Guy's words over yours.
You turned to your side and closed your eyes.
Perhaps God saved me.
-
Today is Saturday and Sibylla had taken you to get your dress fitted.
"Whats that?" You pointed at the huge frame, covered by silk as the servants struggled to hang it on the wall.
"Oh, you're not supposed to see it yet, but Baldwin had commissioned a portait of you. He wants to gift it to you tomorrow, so dont peek. He'd hate to miss your first reaction." She explained.
"You look... absolutely stunning." Sibylla praised as she looked at you in awe. She brought some jewellery to pair with your white gown. A diamond necklace, tear drop earrings, and-
The ring.
"Its the-"
"The exact same ring!" Sibylla finished for you, slipping it on your finger. "After yours was stolen by that thief in Egypt, Baldwin had the same ring made again by the royal jeweller within a day!" Your heart warmed at the gesture. Baldwin must've known you felt guilty over losing his family ring.
"Isabella, will you pass me the veil?" You asked. Isabella brought the soft veil and helped you wear it. As she was adjusting it, your eyes caught sight of her hands again.
"Oh, they didnt heal?" You gently grabbed her hands, taking note of the same red welts on her arms again. She pulled her hands from your grasp away.
"N-no, they healed princess. Its just- its that I'm stressed again! Thats why my skin is itchy and I- scratched them raw."
"Stressed? By what?" You asked.
"Oh- um, the wedding." She muttered. "Its- its not that I'm not excited for it, I am very happy for the union of you and His majesty, but its just we have very little time and there's so much to do-"
You giggled, nodding at her understandingly. "I see. Well, I apologise for causing you to stress. And I hope you know how much I appreciate your efforts."
"Its my honour to serve you, princess." She squeaked.
"Well, do get those checked out soon, Isabella. I dont want you getting sick." Sibylla advised the young girl who bowed her head before taking her leave.
Sometime later, after you had lunch with Baldwin, you decided to go to the gardens and... be by yourself for a while.
Planned or not, I'm getting married tomorrow. This will be my last day as a single woman and I... I should savour every moment left.
You were sitting in a cozy little spot in the royal garden. It was besides the huge bush maze, near the area where your time machine had first gotten burned by the maids accidentally. Speaking of maids, the small entourage had given you space and were standing near the maze, away from your eyes with some knights. They were all eager to please you, the future queen, if only to get a better status by you or Baldwin.
But you had already decided to make Isabella your lady-in-waiting. She deserves it, for everything she's done for you.
You laid down on the soft bed of grass, looking up at the sky as you wondered what will happen tomorrow. Well, nothing about the wedding, Sibylla had made you rehearse several times that you knew exactly how the ceremony will go tomorrow. No, you were curious about... how your wedding will impact the future.
Will you cease to exist? Will the world change because the crusades might not happen since a Christian king married a Muslim commoner? Will there-
Doves flew up in the sky. You smiled, recalling the doves in Abbas's house. You hoped he was alright now. Maybe he could attend the wedding-
Wait.
You sat up with a jolt at the realisation, heart beating fast as you connected the dots.
-
Isabella rushed to the gardens. A servant had told her that you had immediately summoned her. Fearing the worst, she hiked up her gown and ran as fast as she could.
She was out of breath by the time she found you. "You called for me, princess?" She gasped out. You hummed, standing beside a gilded cage of doves.
"Arent they so beautiful?" You asked her, beckoning her to come forward. "They are indeed." She agreed, standing beside you.
"I was thinking of releasing them tomorrow, outside the chapel. All the maids could hold them in their hands and release them as I walk out with the king. What do you think?"
She nodded. "Wonderful idea. I'll go and have it arranged-"
"Hm? Oh, I took care of that. Why dont you open the cage and hold this one for me?" You smiled at her as you made you took a few steps back. "And gloves off, Isabella. I want to see how you will look like tomorrow."
Isabella throat ran dry, She gulped looking at you, then at the cage before back at you.
"I- I cant hold the doves, princess. They'll slip out of my hands-"
"We have plenty here for you to practise. Dont worry. Now make haste." You crossed your arms in front of you and looked at her expectantly.
She parted her lips to say something, but then looked back at the cage. "Whats the matter? Dont know how to hold them?" You sighed before making your way back to the cage. "They're just tiny little birds, gentle ones really. They wont bite you, so I dont know why you fear them. Here, let me show you how to hold one." You opened the cage and carefully held the dove in your hands, petting it softly. "There, there."
You suddenly thrusted the bird in her direction, and Isabella jumped back. "What's the matter? Scared of birds?"
Isabella hesitantly nodded. "Yes, I'm sorry princess- I- I- dont like birds. I'm very much afraid of them." You nodded understandingly, before placing the bird back in the cage. "How very inconsiderate of me. Very well, off you go." Isabella bowed graciously and was about to leave when you suddenly grabbed her arm and rubbed a feather along her exposed arm.
"P-princess-!" She shrieked, trying to yank her arm out of your grasp but your grip didnt relent.
"Would you look at that?" You grinned looking at the area turning bright red. "Are you itchy now? Did I stress you too much?"
Isabella could only look at you in horror as you became angry.
"How stupid do you think I am?" You snarled before throwing her hand down. "That itchy red skin wasnt from stress, it was from birds!" Her eyes widened.
"You had me thinking that your tears, your red skin, your snotty sniffles was because you were soooo concerned for me. But you actually had the rose fever from birds!" You recalled seeing the scratch on her hands the day you had first seen her skin, which wasnt just random skin welts. They were hives, from her allergy to avian protein (or birds, in simple terms).
Isabella could only look at you in silence as you continued. "How long did you think you could keep this charade up? Did you honestly think I wouldnt find out?!" She kept quiet while you continued, which only made you angrier.
"It was you. You were the thief. You- only you knew when I would leave the palace. You followed me! And you stole from me?!" When she didnt speak, your threatened her.
"Say something before I tell the king how you attacked me!"
Isabella looked up, and she smirked.
"You have no proof."
You looked at her in disbelief. Instead of defending herself, denying all the things- she basically admitted to it all.
"Isabella, where are my belongings?" You asked her. "If you return my things, I wont let you stay here, but I will let you leave this castle on your two feet." You didnt bother asking her why she did it, you cant waste any more time. You need to get your time machine back.
She shrugged, playing with her nails. Now that she was caught, she didnt bother putting up her scared, demure little girl image. "It doesnt matter. You will never get it. And you're not getting rid of me either. After all, you have no proof of any of the things you accused me of."
"You think you're going to get away with it?" She hummed. "I already have, princess. Now, I will be returning to my duties to prepare for you wedding tomorrow. And I think we'll do no birds-"
You pulled out a knife, silencing her. She looked at the knife before smiling. "Are you really going to kill me? Did you forget how I overpowered you and Abbas back there?"
"I havent." You bring the knife up to your throat. "But if you dont tell me where my belongings are this instant, I will slit my throat and let you explain to the king how you killed me. Oh and you may think you can just sneak out of here, but remember, there's a whole entourage who saw you come here. They'll tell Baldwin you were the last person to see me, and then no matter where you run, Baldwin will hunt you down. Him and his Templar knights."
Her brows furrowed at your threat. "Princess, I dont-"
"Dont think for a moment I wont do it, Isabella. I'm mental." When she remained quiet, you pressed the blade harder into your neck, just enough for the skin to break and blood to pour, making her eyes wide.
"Okay! Okay- stop! I'll tell you."
-
Isabella lead you to a room inside the castle, hidden away in a corner. You had never been here before, you realised when you stepped inside. She pulled out a drawer from the desk, which had a false floor in it. Lifting the wooden panel, you saw all your belongings, including your time machine.
"Leave." You ordered her. Once you were alone, you pulled out the key from your underclothes and placed it inside. Saying a tiny prayer, you turned on the machine.
It worked. The tiny lights turned on. All you had to do was set the date and-
The machine was snatched from your hands. "Isabella drop-!" Your eyes widened at the sight of Baldwin holding the machine.
"What are you doing?" He asked you, looking at the machine.
"Baldwin, please give it back-"
"This?" He shook the machine in his hands. "Sure, you can have it." He smiled at you before bashing the machine to the ground.
"BALDWIN NO! STOP!" You tried to stop him, but Baldwin pushed you away and kept smashing the machine until its lights went out and they key broke.
"NOOOOO!" You finally snatched it from his hands but it was too late. The screen wouldnt turn on, wouldnt display the date no matter what you did. The key was broken.
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" You cried out.
"What is wrong with me? What is wrong with you?!" Baldwin yelled. "What were you going to do with that? Leave me, the love of your life, to go where?! Back to heaven?!"
Heaven? No fucking way-
"Do you- do you actually think I'm an angel?" Oh god. The look on his face was enough to let you know that he was actually serious.
"You can deny it all you want, but I am your husband to be and you cannot lie to me! You appeared out of nowhere in my castle. You cured me, you brought that baby back to life and you have escaped death one too many times! You may think I'm a fool, but I'm the king of Jerusalem, head of the Church and you were sent to me by God Himself! YOU ARE MINE AND I WILL NOT LET YOU GO BACK!"
Oh God. Oh God, you're marrying a crazy person.
Wait.
"How did you know I was here?" Your brows knitted together when he didnt reply, still looking at you in rage. "Did Isabella-" You gasped.
Of course. OF-FUCKING-COURSE!
"She wasnt a thief. She was a spy!" You chuckled humourlessly. "All this time, I thought Guy was behind it all, but I knew- I knew he was too dumb to come up with such a plan. It was you! It was always you! You sent the Ismailis after me! You sent Isabella after me to steal my belongings and spy on me! You set me up with Abbas so that when you "saved" me, I'd fall for you! Oh and I'm sure you made it seem like Charlotte was also here because Guy had called her. You framed Guy just so that you could have an excuse to get rid of him!"
"I did it because I love you!"
"You hurt me because you loved me?" You whispered to him, tears flowing down your cheeks. "I almost burned to death because of you. And you say- no. Why did you do this, Baldwin? Why the hell did you do all this?!"
"I was- I was testing you." He answered, bending down on his knee to cup your face. "I... only wanted to see if you would come to me for help. If you truly trusted me, loved me enough to come to me." He wiped your tears away. "I'm sorry it had to happen this way, but it worked out in the end-"
"You dont test the people you love, Baldwin."
"Oh, come on. Even God tests his strongest believers-"
"YOU ARE NOT GOD!" You shrieked, pushing him away.
"I'm not, but I'm special to Him. He made you for me. He gifted you to me. He made you fall in love-"
"I dont love you!" You cried. "I can never love you! Never!"
Baldwin's face hardened. "You do love me. You said so yourself. Now, youre just saying nonsense out of hysterics. Calm down-"
"I hate you. I have never loathed anything as much as I loathe you. I would never love you, even if you were the last man on Earth. I fucking hate you."
Baldwin stared at your red face. "Well, I hope you can change your mind because we will be getting married tomorrow regardless." He tried to touch your face but you slapped his hand away. "Besides, I love you enough for the both of us."
-
Its Sunday. You were locked in your room with a whole infantry ordered to not let you out. You had cried the entire night at your loss, at your fate, at your stupidity. How could you have ever trusted Baldwin? And now you will have to marry this religious lunatic.
The maids did their best to dress you up and tried to mask your red, swollen eyes. And with Isabella in the room, you were sure she had told them to not comment at your pitiful state.
You were standing outside the chapel with Salauddin. Everything seemed to blur, the choir singing, the attendees- you couldnt focus on anything.
"Y/n." You finally looked up at Salauddin, who was looking at you with deep concern. "Are you okay?" He asked you, noticing your teary eyes and dull expression.
"No."
He wasnt expecting you to answer bluntly.
"Do you want to marry Baldwin?" He whispered.
"No."
"I can help you-"
"No." You sniffled. "No one can."
The knights stood outside the chapel doors, waiting for you to enter. A few ladies held your trail behind you. Salauddin cast a glance at them before passing you something in your hand discreetly.
"Abbas asked me to give you this."
You opened your palm to see-
A key.
The key!
But how did he make this? You never designed it-
You smiled. That genius. He must've used the other parts to figure out the design and crafted it.
Abbas, I'm sorry I dont give you enough credit.
"Give him my thanks. And a lot of money, hm?" Salauddin could only nod in confusion. You looked back at your ladies. "I need to pee." Their eyes widened at the use of such crass language, especially in front of the sultan.
"But princess, the ceremony is about to start-"
"Would you rather I pee in my gown?" You snapped.
"But there is no bathroom here-"
"Then be useful and find a sheet and a bush. Now!" They all scrambled away to find some bush. You looked at the knights in front of you. "Go inside and inform them of a delay. The princess has to take a shit."
They looked hesitant to leave. "I'm not taking off my underclothes in front of you men. LEAVE!" They hurriedly went inside and closed the door to give you privacy.
You looked at Salauddin. "Can I borrow your horse?" He nodded, helping you up on it.
"Where are you going? I'll come with."
You shake your head. "No. I have to go alone. And I suggest you go inside as well."
"Y/n-"
"Please, Salauddin. No more questions. I dont want to lie to you." You smiled at him.
Salauddin reluctantly went inside the chapel, and you rode the horse out of there. There was only so long before Baldwin realised you had left, so you needed to speed things up. Grateful that you had swapped your broken time machine during your heated argument with Baldwin. You placed the new key in, just as you heard the sound of galloping horses and Baldwin-
"Y/N!" You didnt pay attention as you sped off ahead, only stopping when you reached the edge of the cliff. Climbing down, you looked at your machine as you turned the key.
It didnt turn on.
No. No. No-
"Y/N! GET BACK HERE!" Baldwin yelled at you, getting off his horse as he made his way. His troops had surrounded the area so you couldnt escape.
You looked back at your time machine and you- you banged it with your hand. "Come on. Come on!" This had to work- you banged on it as you would bang on a TV set when it stopped working, on a remote when it didnt operate quite right.
"Did you think you could escape me?!" You looked up and Baldwin was a few feet away.
"Baldwin stop!" You took a step back, nearing the cliff. "I'll jump-I'll fucking jump, I swear!" He halted.
"Dont be stupid, Y/n. Come to me, and we can put this behind us-"
You banged on the machine, cutting him off.
The machine turned on.
You grinned as Baldwin stared at you, shaking his head. "Dont-"
You jumped, pressing the button and hoping you returned to your time. You hadnt been able to set the date cause of the broken buttons.
The last thing you heard was Baldwin screaming your name.
So what do you guys think? Yall better comment and send asks and reboots because i sacrificed lunch and dinner for this.
Also, what do u guys think will happen in the next part? Do you think she'll return home or to a new timeline??? And which era???đđ
PART 8 is here!
#yandere baldwin#yandere salauddin#time traveller au#baldwin iv#king baldwin x reader#the leper king#king baldwin iv#salauddin
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To add on to my last ask about the celebrating the holiday for the sake of Feyds new wife:
LIKE SHE MAKES FEYD A FLOWER CROWN AND HE WEARS IT
Like from the âfriendship braceletâ dialogue from bobs burgers
Wife: :)I made you a flower crown!:)
Feyd: *thinly veiled annoyance and disapproval*
Wife: :( you donât have to wear it if you donât want to :(
Feyd: No, Iâm gonna wear it. Forever. Back off.
Anniversary
Feyd-Rautha x wife!reader
Summary: Giedi Prime is different than your home planet. They donât celebrate the things you used to. So, you show your husband one of your traditions to mark the first year of your marriage.Â
Notes/Warnings: none, i think. It's just a cute fluffy thing.
Words: 1050
Feyd-Rautha Masterlist / Main Masterlist / Tag List
You once wouldâve bet everything you had that you would never fall in love with him; from every coin to your familyâs name, to every extravagant gown you owned, to every jewel that adorned your neck. When you walked down the aisle, you saw something vile waiting for you at the other end, not the husband you would come to have. You saw a snake to match the name of Harkonnen, and the prospect of a future together made your stomach turn. Until you became his wife.Â
What you expected in the form of threatening words and a knife to the throat on your wedding night didnât come. He left you alone when you told him that was what you wanted. In fact, he left you alone in every aspect of your relationship until you were ready to come to him.Â
That moment came three months later. For those three months, he made sure you were comfortable, as happy as you could be, well-taken care of, and he didnât once force his presence upon you. From that, you opened yourself to him and, in a quick decision one night, dressed yourself up, went to his room, and let him take you.Â
Youâve been inseparable ever since, unwilling to leave his side and vice versa, even when heâs needed elsewhere. He takes you with him to his meetings, his executions, Arrakis. Youâre his wife, in all senses of the title. And as more time has passed, youâve adjusted to being a Harkonnen wife; everything it means, down to the things you gain and the losses you face.Â
The most difficult of losses have been the traditions you grew up with. You donât see your family anymoreâas enemies of Giedi Prime, they arenât exactly welcome on the planetâand so the values your House believes and partakes in have disappeared from your life. Holidays celebrated on your home planet do not exist on Giedi Prime. Religion is not the same. Your people bow to a Goddess. Harkonnens bow to Harkonnens. Your people bask in the changes of the seasons. Giedi Prime doesnât experience those same seasons due to the lack of rotation around their sun. Celebrations do not exist for anything other than war victories and birthdays. But most painful are the anniversaries that go entirely unacknowledged.Â
At home, anniversaries are one of the grandest events. Another year of love, of shared life. Each year, you watched your parents grow giddy as their anniversary neared, and you witnessed the people of your planet rejoice for them as if it were their own milestone of marriage.Â
Giedi Primeâthe Harkonnensâdo not care for that. Something to do with wives not lasting very long in their House. History states youâre one of few who has made it to a year of marriage with a Harkonnen, as most women, unless pregnant with an heir, have offended their spouse in some manner and so have received that dreaded knife to the throat.Â
Youâre lucky there, you suppose, but it doesnât make you miss the things you can no longer have any less. And Feyd has noticed.
âTell me what is wrong,â he says to you as he sits beside you on your bed.Â
You hesitate, fearing laughter and jokes about how ridiculous your upbringing wasâit wouldnât be the first timeâbut when you explain further, heâs much more receptive than you imagined.
âA celebration of love?â he asks. His brow raises, but he doesnât scoff.Â
âYes,â you say. âBack home, couples do not have to stay together. If they are unhappy, they separateââ His head jerks and he makes a displeased face. âStaying together, continuing to be in love with each year that goes by, is considered an achievement. Something worthy of praise and pride.â
âAnd you want thisâŚpraise?â He doesnât understand. Praise is harder earned in his world. Praise comes when pain is inflicted. âHow do you receive praise for love?â
âPeople have partiesââ
âWe cannot have a party for this.â
You take his hand in your lap. âNo, I know,â you say. âBut thereâs also gifts.â
He shakes his head. âNo one willââ
âBetween us,â you stop him. âWe give each other a present as a symbol of the strength of our love.â
He thinks on your words for a few moments, slightly staring off into space, until he says, âLike what?â
âWellâŚâ Taking your hand back, you reach into your nightstand drawer and pull out a small box. âSomething like this.â You peel back the lid of the box to reveal a black band with a ring of silver running through the middle. âI had this made.â
âA ring?â
As you nod, you set the small box down between you. âItâs a wedding ring. I know you donât exchange those on your wedding day here, but back home, when you say vows, each person puts their ring on the otherâs finger. This one right here,â you say, tapping the correct finger on your hand. âItâs a kind of ownership that you show to the world. Youâre telling everyone that youâre taken by someone who loves you.â
Feyd swallows, his eyes flicking back and forth between yours and the ring. âPeople know you belong to someone else if you wear this on your planet?â
âYes. And seeing as you belong to me, I thoughtâŚâ you pause, realizing he might hate the idea. What if it bothers him? What if the light weight throws off his knife skills? What if it gets in the way of his armor? You didnât think about these problems until now when heâs blankly staring at the damn thing.Â
Feyd plucks the ring from the box and puts it up to the light. âThey all look like this?â
âTheyâre all different,â you tell him. âIf you donât want to wear itââ
He slips it onto the correct finger. âIâm never taking it off.â
âWhââ Your eyes blow wide. âReally?â
âNever,â he says, still staring at the onyx circle around his finger. âEven my enemies will know Iâm taken.â You sigh. A chuckle of relief leaves your throat, and he turns his gaze to you. âIâll make one for you.â
âOh! But you donât have to just because I did.â
His features twist in disapproval. âYou belong to me as much as I belong to you, do you not?â
âYes.â
âThen you will wear one as well. Silver,â he says. His hand raises to cup your cheek. His thumb brushes over your cheekbone. The ring is cold against your skin. âWith black diamonds.â
âYou want to match?â
âYes.â
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dreamboat | jjk (1)
summary: aboard the dreamboat, jungkook finds himself drawn to a beautiful stranger who appears to be drowning in melancholy. weeks later, he sees her face on the other side of the aquarium at his apartment buildingâs lobby. he soon learns that itâs not fateâs grand romantic plans that brought you back to his life. / (alt.) / a shipwreck and a dreamboat form an unusual bond in an aquarium.
non!idoljk x f!reader (jk is a business major who works at the amusement park ; oc works at the call center) / strangers to lovers / fluff, angst, suggestive / chapter wc: 14.9k / total fic wc: 30.8k
warnings/content (for full fic): is it an onlyswan fic if nobody cries? ; smoking ; making out ; mention of nude art ; mention of flashing ; panic attack ; a ghost cameo lol ; s*x scandal ; abuse of authority ; harrassment ; jk throws a punch once ; oc drives a motorbike without a helmet once ; vminjin + yeontan cameos :3 ; tae and jk are the same age tho
-> part two (wc: 15.9k) | spotify playlist (open to song recs <3)
note: my not so little summer project <3 i thought i wouldnât have the opportunity to dedicate this much time to writing again in the near future so here we are! finishing this story alone felt fulfilling but even more so that i get to share it with you. pls treat it with gentle care đŤ reblogs and feedback r very much appreciated i love talking to you guys𼺠special thanks to my lovely rio for proofreading and being the sweetest friend :") ilyily
ŕż for those who yearn <3
â
âwait! wait for me! donât close it yet!â
jungkookâs whole life has led up to this moment.Â
from running away from his neighborâs large snobby dogs during childhoodâ to participating in run for charity marathons mostly, only mostly, to appease his ex-girlfriend by being interested in her interests.
he successfully escaped from his uneventful class today by faking dizziness. half an hour later, he is racing towards one of the few places in this city where he feels something.Â
his best friendâs face is still blurry given the distance, but jungkook doesnât need to clearly see taehyungâs face to know that he is looking at him unimpressed.Â
âwhy are you here? do you even have a ticket?!â taehyung interrogates him once he reaches the gate.
âdo i have a ticket? really?â jungkook smirks, tossing his backpack to the ground.Â
he crosses over to the other side, and with ease, sneaks his hand in between the bars to push the lock into place.Â
âwhat do you think i work here for?âÂ
taehyung sighs and mumbles to himself. âfine, my bad. thought we worked to pay for our bills.â
he picks up the backpack and swings it over his shoulder, heading to the control booth. on the other hand, jungkook climbs on the ship the amusement park owner lovingly named the dreamboat. he places his grip on one of the many vines curiously large butterflies are attached to, fully ignoring the existence of the steps. he hoists himself up onto the wooden floor with ease.Â
unhappy faces with blank stares.Â
he smiles at them cheerfully.
âi apologize for the hold-up. iâm your captain!âÂ
âjungkook! sit!âÂ
âwouldnât he be the captain?â a high school boy at the very front quips, eyes pointing downwards at taehyung.Â
âeh, more like the wind behind our sails.â he ruffles the boyâs head in passing as he trudges over to his desired seat.Â
âwhat?â
his spot, a more suitable better term. the farthest row which most first timers do not dare to sit at; the part of the ship closest to the sky when it swings back and forth, higher and higher, until it feels like heâs going to fall offâ but he doesnât. for short bursts of moments, heâs flying.Â
the passengers are erupting in ear-splitting screams, curses, and laughter. the wide smile plastered on his face could probably be described as sadistic as he observes their reactions. most would find this ride as a nauseating, life-threatening ordeal and its name ridiculously ironic. however, to jungkook, this is what it means to be alive.
he imagined he would be alone here again today.
but as he is brought higher into the air, he discovers one person strapped to the last row of the other side of the ship.Â
the earth begins to move in slow motion.Â
they have their face buried in their palms, body shaking with what he can only guess is intense sobbing.Â
gone is the smile on his face.Â
jungkook has witnessed a few criers, sure, but not to this degree. a wave of sadness washes over him. he feels guilty and he doesnât know why. why the hell would he be? he doesnât even know who you are.Â
are you that scared? if youâre scared, why would you volunteer to go here alone? if not, then why is your heart breaking?Â
for a few seconds, the noises cease and his focus on you becomes amplified.Â
and why is his breaking too?Â
your sobs and gasps for air are once more drowned out by the fear and adrenaline of the majority. nevertheless, the ache they caused in his chest stays.Â
what could it be? the reason youâre crying like this at an amusement park? wouldnât it be because you got stood up by your date?
lost in thought, heâs been unblinking. the wind blows as the speed of the boat picks up and he groans when dirt gets into his eye. he harshly rubs and rubs and he stops to check if itâs gone⌠he knows itâs gone because now he can see clearlyâ one of the most beautiful people he has laid his eyes upon.
the wind blows into your hair and it finally grants him a good view of your face. red, swollen eyes and mascara running. you wipe your tears away, distant eyes falling on your lap, and you take a sharp inhale. youâre a tragedy and so gorgeous still that the aching of his heart doubles due to its intensified pounding.Â
thereâs no way⌠he debunks his theory. thereâs no way a man could ever waste the opportunity of going on a date with you. only a fool.Â
slow motion comes to a full stop.
shit, shit, shit.Â
why canât he look away?Â
youâve made eye-contact and youâre not breaking it.Â
he nervously swallows the lump in his throat.
âhuh?â
the ringing of the bell snaps him out of⌠whatever that experience was. he looks around and it is revealed to him that the ship has returned to its neutral position. passengers are already hopping off, including you.
wait, including youâŚÂ
when did you get a cap?!
âfuck!â he curses, kicking his feet in annoyance.
he then proceeds to break the promise he swore to himself: never run after a girl again.Â
âyah, jungkook! where are you going?! you need to clock in!â
taehyung releases yet another sigh as he loses his best friend among the crowd. nearly at the same time, he hears a thud that originates from the control booth. he blankly stares at the backpack that mysteriously fell off the chair.Â
âdoes he have snacks in here at least?â
â
blue tube top and black baseball cap worn backwards. blue top and black cap. blue top and black cap. jungkook chants in his head like a maniac as he navigates the grounds, trying his best not to lose sight of your back. sweat has started to form as beads on his forehead. he squeezes one eye shut, wary of the sting, before wiping them away with the back of his hand.Â
he ran with all his might, but now that youâre almost within reach, heâs suddenly nervous.
âmiss- miss! you dropped this!âÂ
you turn around abruptly so his fingers end up only grazing your arm. the first thing he notices is your knitted eyebrows. he doesnât know whether it mostly indicates annoyance or confusion.Â
you merely glance at the handkerchief on his open palm. âitâs not mine.âÂ
you walk away from him and you are a magnet he is curiously drawn to.Â
he stands in front of you, sweaty and stuttering like a student introducing himself to a class for the very first time.Â
âbut are you okay? i-i couldnât help but to notice that you were cry- uh, uhm⌠you-you seem to have troubles.âÂ
he clears his throat, turning his cheek for a second as to avoid melting under your intense gaze. he marvels at your beauty but he canât pull himself together to admire it from a close distance.Â
âsorry, i donât mean to pry. iâm just concerned.âÂ
seconds pass and he doesnât receive any sort of answer. no affirmative nod; not even a roll of the eyes. you stare at his face blankly as your feet become rooted into the ground. strands of your hair dance with gusts of the wind. it could be a haunting sight. your glossy eyes are reminiscent of deep, turbulent waters. there was a twinge of doubt on the accuracy of his words before, however, it now seems to ring true.Â
could it really be because of a boy?
a bicycle enters his line of vision.Â
a little too close not to cause an accident.Â
âmove!â he yells out the warning, but he still takes matters into his own hands by pushing you over to the side and using his own body as a shield.Â
the bicycle speeds past and the rider screams something unintelligible.Â
jungkookâs nostrils flare. âkid, thatâs not allowed in here! where did you come from?!âÂ
the security guard running after the rule-breaker moves past him, but not before hitting his back with the baton.Â
âjungkook! why didnât you stop him?!â
âyah! what was that for?!âÂ
he scoffs, glaring towards the direction of the intruder and his co-staff, who has an entirely different job from him. why didnât he stop him?!Â
while he was distracted by the commotion, he was also unaware that you managed to swipe the handkerchief loosely hanging from his grip around your arm.Â
his angry expression softens.Â
you wipe away your tears that are freely flowing against your will. earlier, you were sobbing. right now, your face is devoid of any expression. he canât decide which is more heartbreaking.
âare you okay?â he carries on to ask again despite the both of you knowing the answer, but he just doesnât know what else to do.Â
âiâm okay,â you say. âthanks for finding my handkerchief⌠and for saving me from the- the, yeahâŚâÂ
youâre about to walk out of his life until his mouth blurts out- âwait! take this!âÂ
he wishes the ground would swallow him whole. you blink at the small packet of sour gummies on his open palm and he wishes the ground would swallow him whole.Â
even he thinks this is ridiculous. he had a handkerchief in the left pocket of his jacket and now itâs yours. he had gummy worms in the right and for some reason he also wants you to have it.
âwhy?â
he has the same question.
âjust becauseâŚâ
no, that wonât do it.
âmaybe it could make you feel better.â
oh my god.
âif you decide to ride the spinning top⌠it helps when youâre nauseated.â
still with the unreadable expression, you probe no further and accept his edible remedy.Â
âthank you.â you politely bow before taking your leave.
he doesnât run after you this time. after all, his pockets are empty.Â
meeting youâ this is probably the first and last time.Â
he exhales through his mouth. disappointed. he turns around and tries to look for you again.Â
blue top and black capâŚÂ
there you are.Â
leaving-Â
wait.Â
the spark of hope quickly fizzles out. you pull your hand out of your pocket, tossing something into one of the trash bins. heâs too far away to identify the item, but it couldnât be⌠right?
he huffs in sheer disbelief.
âhuh, sheâs pretty and rude.âÂ
â
if heâs being honest, jungkook doesnât like this job much. graphic design is there, and itâs been a pretty sweet gig especially when heâs desperate for extra cash. anyway, taehyung got this job first, which took away time from their regular hangouts, so he would often visit his best friend during his free periods at the university. long story short, one of the managers scolded them both for playing around throughout taehyungâs shift, and as a punishment, she employed jungkook. Â
she is the reason why he is spending his sunday morning putting on strangersâ seatbelts and lap bars so they wonât fall off the rollercoaster and die. he was trained to double-check everything, but he is a bit more paranoid about lawsuits than the management, so despite the extra waiting time some passengers arenât happy about, he makes that triple.Â
as fast as he can, while maintaining meticulousness, he does his final round of checking. so far, everyone is safely strapped to their seats. until he reaches the last row and finds the only person there with their lap bar unlocked. how did he miss that?Â
âmaâam, your lap bar isnât secured. do you mind if i-â
the woman shakes her head without a word. as he gets to work, his eyes canât help but to stray. most of her face is hidden by a face mask and sunglasses. itâs kind of funny because itâs actually been a gloomy day.Â
âah, there you go. safe and sound!âÂ
âthanks,â
he flashes her a bright smile. the last and apparently most important employee rule. Â
âyouâre welcome!âÂ
â
Â
âwhy arenât you eating?â taehyung asks with a mouthful of corndog.Â
jungkook lifts his head up from the table, sends him a glare, then drops it again. he didnât get much sleep last night studying for their upcoming tests. heâd much rather spend his whole lunch break with his eyes closed. heâd go as far as saying that moving his jaw to chew food sounds like exerting too much energy and he couldnât be bothered.
âchange shifts with me. i fucking hate sundays.âÂ
âdependsâŚâ taehyung pretends to be in deep thought. âwill you buy me a meal everyday until our shifts rotate again?â
âdo you want to die?âÂ
âno, but it looks like you will before me.âÂ
jungkook yawns, sleepy tears flowing down his temple. âyou might be rightâŚâ
âwere you up all night thinking of that girl?âÂ
âhuh? no.â
âyouâre lying.â
âshut up,â he groans, adjusting himself into a more comfortable position.Â
so a beautiful stranger has been plaguing his mind. big deal! happens to the best of us.Â
taehyung cackles at his demise, thoroughly amused. âwhy? didnât she throw away your gift?âÂ
âit wasnât a gift.â he argues. âand i know, sheâs exactly my type.âÂ
âbro, youâre fucking hopeless.â
âi know that too,â he calmly replies. âi kind of miss her.âÂ
âat least itâs not your ex anymore, i guess.â taehyung mutters before obnoxiously sipping on his strawberry lemonade. âwant to sneak into the security camera room? iâm curious. i want to see her.â
âcanât you just let me sleep?!âÂ
âwow, youâre so grumpy today.âÂ
took him long enough to deduce.
âthen should we go after your nap?âÂ
âi need to work!â jungkook snaps. he straightens his back, rubbing his face in frustration. âgo- go do whatever you want!â
taehyungâs chewing slows down, appearing almost scared at his best friendâs outburst, but everything is a game with the two of them. âbut i donât know what she looks like.âÂ
jungkook sighs, squeezing his eyes shut.Â
âokay, fine!âÂ
in a state of exaggerated panic, taehyung gathers his things in one clean sweep, cradling them in his arms.Â
âiâm leaving!â he dashes out of the break room as if heâs running for his life.Â
jungkook huffs out a laugh at the comedic scene. as soon as his smile drops, so does his head.Â
â
Â
itâs past midnight, which means itâs already friday. jungkook has been glued to the computer for the past three hours, working on a brochure he was commissioned to make. this task would go along smoothly if only his client didnât have such a long list of demands, but alas, he is desperate for a good review after his past clientâs four paragraph-long criticism. a boomerâs opinions hardly matter to him, but he knows how a single bad review alone can negatively affect reputation.Â
one thingâs for sure, everyoneâs making it hard for him to fucking quit energy drinks.Â
he tosses the empty can into the trash bin beside his desk. away with his anti-radiation glasses, too. it lands in an awkward position over his keyboard. he couldnât care less. everything hurts.Â
he keeps his eyes closed as he stretches his fingers, neck, and back with strained moans and grunts. the sweet relief causes him to slump lazily on his chair. at that moment, an internal battle starts. should he do the responsible thing and continue working? or should he just say fuck it and go to bed?Â
âno but seriously! why would she throw them away?!âÂ
completely unrelated.Â
a thousand miles away from the topic at hand.Â
âjungkook!â taehyung growls from the bed, furiously pressing at the buttons of the controller. âitâs been two weeks! when are you going to move on?âÂ
jungkook spins the chair to face him with a deadpan expression. the ps5 hogger is too focused on the television screen to even notice.Â
âyou wouldnât expect it but those arenât cheap.â
âthen maybe you shouldnât have given it away to a stranger.â taehyung shrugs. âbut thatâs just me.âÂ
âthat was out of my control.â jungkook defends. âyou shouldâve seen her.âÂ
âwell, you wouldnât let me.â taehyung mumbles, but he obviously wanted him to hear. âno thanks. crying at the amusement park? sheâs got to have some real issues.âÂ
âso what? we all got issues.âÂ
ânot me,â he sends jungkook a smirk. âif i donât acknowledge them, theyâre not there.âÂ
âand that, my friendâŚâ jungkook has decided to retire from his work area tonight. he pats taehyungâs shoulder as a display of faux sympathy. âis your biggest issue.âÂ
wearing a childish grin, he grabs the other controller from the floor.
ânow, shall we rank up?âÂ
â
Â
itâs been a few days since summer vacation started. he normally comes home to busan during the school breaks for a temporary taste of childhood bliss. he spends the entire day watching television, eating home-cooked meals, and not thinking about requirements at all.
too bad his vacation is suspended due to his adult responsibilities.Â
at least thatâs the excuse he used.Â
his family has been staying with relatives for the past month because their home is currently under renovation. and well, jungkookâs dorm is suffocating enough on his own. staying under one roof with nine other people? hard. pass.
he may or may not be regretting that decision now, however. all of a sudden, coming home from work with a bag full of ramyeon and beer feels too depressing. even more so that he has no one to share them with. all of his friends have gone home. taehyung, too. he found someone who could temporarily fill in his place and did not think twice about leaving jungkook behind. he canât blame him.
jungkook enters the apartment building. as always, quiet and dim. he gets that the owner is trying to save money, but isnât it a bit too early to start turning off the lights? he rolls his eyes despite the lack of a witness.Â
they are very lucky that he has grown somewhat fond of this place.
jungkook allows himself to be roped in by the only source of warm light in the lobby. he finds himself incredibly silly for being entertained by goldfishes swimming around in an aquarium, but after a hectic day, this is where his brain cools down.Â
âhello everyone,â he coos at them.
do fishes even react to baby talk? he wouldnât know. the only pet that lasted him years and is still alive is their family dog, gureum.Â
âhow was your day? i hope it was better than mine.âÂ
â
Â
on the other side of the aquarium stands you, watching a boy talk to the fishes while he is blissfully unaware of your presence. an endeared smile graces your face unbeknownst to you.Â
eventually, there arrives a moment when most of the fishes favor a certain side and they clear out before his eyes.Â
that is when he finally notices you.Â
your heart begins to race, but he appears to be more shocked than you are. you stand up straight nearly at the same time.Â
despite the dark, theyâre impossible to miss. his breathtaking eyesâ which were filled with pure wonder and adoration only seconds agoâ growing in size as soon as they saw yours.Â
âi know youâŚâÂ
a bucket of ice cold water is dumped over your head.Â
âthe girl who cried at the dreamboat!â
and while you do not appreciate the rather ungentlemanly pointing of finger, youâre glad to be able to breathe out a sigh of relief.Â
well, and thereâs also the crippling shame.
you didnât want your first impression on anyone to be the most pitiful version of yourself.Â
itâs been over a month for fuckâs sake. how does he remember your face so well?
âwow,â he gapes. âyou changed your hair.â
you touch your hair, feeling a little conscious.Â
is that a good thing or a bad thing?Â
itâs your first time changing your hair color; plus, the last time you had bangs was in middle school. itâs been weeks since you had the big transformation, but youâre not quite sure how you feel about it yet.Â
âyeah, light pinkâŚâÂ
âit suits you well.âÂ
âthanks,â is all you manage to respond with.Â
a gust of awkward silence passes by. thereâs the instinct to run awayâ knocking at your brain, pulling at your limbs. but you canât think of an excuse. your feet wonât move⌠eventually you stop minding that. the goldfishes are too beautiful to look away from. they work as the perfect distraction from the other soul standing across.Â
âso, um- iâve never seen you around here.â
âi moved in today.â
âoh, i see⌠that makes sense.âÂ
you hum to fill the quietness that follows, thinking of what else you could say, but he beats you to it.
âi live at the 13th floor.âÂ
what did he say? do you live on the same floor? thatâs impossible.
âhow about you?âÂ
âhm, 10!âÂ
you blurt out the first number that pops into your mind. you quickly pretend like youâre not freaking out inside by shifting the topic.
âdo they-â you gesture to the aquarium. âdo they have names?â
ânames?âÂ
the random question seems to catch him off guard.
ânone that iâm aware of.â he shakes his head. âi donât think so- no.â
âohâŚâ your shoulders sag in disappointment. âthatâs sad.â
but then again, you shouldâve lowered your expectations and reminded yourself where you are. they were not bought as pets. they were bought for display.Â
â
Â
the last time jungkook saw you was over a month ago. maybe your face is a tad different because youâre not crying. the new color of your hair compliments you in a way unlike beforeâs yet just as beautiful. the bangs make much of the difference too. he doesnât know how old you are, but you look younger somehow. from his point-of-view, he could say that much has changed. but not the melancholia.Â
he watches you gaze into the aquarium in fascination; the lights reflect on your eyes as little twinkling stars. youâre not crying, but why can he still feel your sadness?Â
he once told taehyung that if you meet again, heâd give you hell for throwing his sour gummies away.Â
funny enough, that plan went out the window the second he laid his eyes on you again.Â
âdo you want to feed them?â he offers.Â
âi already did.â
âyou did?â
âi did,â you look up at him innocently, nodding. âi asked the guard.â
âaish, he didnât tell me.â he throws his arms up with a groan. âi almost overfed them.â
you perk up with interest. âdo you always feed them?âÂ
âwhen i come home from work.â
âthatâs niceâŚâÂ
the soft smile you give him makes his heart skip a beat, but he doesnât know it yet.Â
âsorry, um-â you begin smoothing out your clothes, also tucking your hair behind your ears. âi need to get to work. it was nice meeting you.â
âwork?â he exclaims. âat this time?â
âgraveyard shift,â you simply answer.Â
pictures of the dark alleyways immediately flash in his mind.Â
âbut itâs dangerous to be roaming around here at this time.âÂ
his radar doesnât detect crimes being reported around the neighborhood, but with the majority of the buildingâs occupants being young adults, the streets are often littered with drunkards who have many things to be angry about.
âoh, i donât walk. iâve got a bike.â
he hasnât known you long, but this is the most enthusiastic he has seen you. your face lit up as soon as you mentioned your mode of transportation.
however, he is a tiny bit confused.
it shows on his face, apparently.
âthe motor kind,â you clarify.Â
âah, the motor kind-â he claps once as soon as the realization dawns on him. he chuckles to himself. âof course!âÂ
it was important for you to clarify, jungkook concludes from your tone. the fact that you own a bike is sexy, but you look adorable right now and it is so amusing to him.Â
âanyway, i need to go. it was nice to meet you!âÂ
your heels click against the floor as you head towards the same door he walked in from.
âsee you around!â he yells, still wearing a wide grin.Â
he remains standing there even though youâre already gone from sight.Â
hit with a useless yet concerning epiphany, he blinks.
âshe rides the motorbike wearing heels?â
â
Â
jungkookâs misery has been pushed to the back of his mind, replaced by an overwhelming giddiness that causes him to drop everything on the floor and jump on his bed. he buries his head into the pillow, but it does nothing to erase the happy grin thatâs threatening to make his cheeks sore.
what a small world, huh?Â
what is this if not fate?
he flips over and stares at the ceiling as if itâs the starry night sky.
this might just become the best summer of his life.Â
â
jungkook comes out fresh from the shower clad only in a pair of black boxer shorts. he hangs the towel he was drying his hair with over his nape, heading to the kitchen to prepare his dinner. he rips the lid of the cup ramyeon halfway, and as he pours hot water into it from the electric kettle, your face appears on his mind again.Â
wait, thereâs something wrongâŚ
he tilts his head to the side, eyebrows knitting together as he tries to figure out what it is he forgot.
âah, iâm so stupid!â
he totally forgot to ask your name!Â
âshit!â he shouts in higher volume when he realizes that the water has overflowed and is now dripping to the floor.Â
he puts the kettle down, taking a few steps back from the mess he made. praise heavens the water wasnât hot enough for his toes to suffer anything more than a first-degree burn.Â
he starts to look around for anything he can wipe the floor with, his tongue poking his inner cheek.Â
âstill having a bad day.âÂ
â
but a bad day isnât enough to break down jungkookâs spirit. he knows there will always come a tomorrow, so he seizes that tomorrow and comes home from work as fast as he can. thereâs a big chance that you leave for work around the same time, right?Â
so he sits down on the sofa facing the aquarium, and he waits.Â
his head turns to the elevator each time it dings.
he taps his foot on the floor.
he checks tomorrowâs weather forecast on the app. clear skies. no chance of rain. high humidity levels.
he goes through the magazines laid out on the coffee table. he learns five ways to get over heartbreak. according to the quiz, he has a sweet and passionate personality based on the flavor of his lip balm. he thinks itâs pretty accurate. strawberry, he strokes his non-existent beard. could never go wrong with it.
next thing he knows, the clock strikes twelve.Â
he can no longer control his excessive yawning but his stomach is just screaming for the pack of jjajangmyeon in his cupboard.Â
he presses the elevator button with a tight-lipped smile. heâs disappointed that he didnât see you at all today, but he was raised to have a positive outlook in life. you live in the same building. you have to run into each other again one of these days.Â
â
what does jungkook hate more than normal sundays? sundays when he didnât get enough sleep.Â
for some reason, heâs still tragically stuck with working on the worst day of the week despite his repeated objections. the only upside to this particular sunday is that he is assigned to the ferris wheel. in exchange for thrice the amount of his daily wage in discreet tips, what happens in some of those cabins are none of his business.Â
if he ends up getting reassigned, he would be pretty fucking pissed off.Â
heâs restless as the elevator descends to the ground floor. heâs munching on a protein bar, jogging in place as to warm up his body for a race to the bus stop.Â
he canât be the one manning the bump cars. bump cars are the worst. those kids hit you on purpose, he swears.Â
the elevator dings and he runs.
until an eye-catching color forces him to pull the brakes. his sneakers squeak against the tiled floor.Â
your back may be facing him, but he can recognize you from that cotton candy hair even from a mile away. youâre right where he was hoping youâd be last night, conversing with one of the janitors. this really isnât the best time for your paths to cross again, given the reasons he was just grouching about, but his feet refuse to move.Â
you go on your tiptoes to sprinkle fish feed into the aquarium. youâre so adorable in your pajamas; youâre almost drowning in the black and white checkered cloth. are those yours in the first place?
âeverything you need to know is written here⌠how much- how often you should feed them depending on the seasons, depending on how big theyâve gotten⌠jungkook worked really hard in researching. impressive, donât you think?â
âi seeâŚâ he is finally granted his wish to hear your soft voice. âbut why donât they have names?â
the janitor scratches his head at your question. âthey look too alike to have names.âÂ
âhello! i heard my name!â jungkook pops in without a warning, causing mister park to flinch and slap a hand over his chest in shock.Â
âjungkook! iâm 71 years old! you couldâve killed me!âÂ
âoh, thatâs right-â he gasps. âgrandpa, iâm sorry!â
jungkook attacks him with a bear hug, playfully rocking their bodies back and forth hoping that would calm down his vulnerable heart. for a brief moment, he feels like a child again.Â
âthis is jungkook.âÂ
the introduction was already made for him. thatâs one less thing he has to overthink.Â
â____ here wants to feed the fishes every morning from now on. i told her itâs perfectly alright with me.â the janitor laughs. âwith my age, you know how forgetful iâve become.âÂ
âreally?â he breaks away, surprised by what he just learned. âthatâs so nice!âÂ
âitâs nothing. iâm happy to do it.â you smile and make eye-contact with him, but you soon break it, opting to glance at the aquarium.Â
you must like fishes a lot. he only felt bad for them because the janitor on night shift doesnât give a single fuck about them; thatâs why he did all that research hoping it would help with committing to the responsibility, which jungkook ended up shouldering in the end anyway. but you⌠youâve been here for what? two? three days?Â
âtell you whatâŚâ he brings out the pen he keeps in the side pocket of his backpack. âthis- this is my phone number. if you need anything, or incase you need someone else to feed them, contact me!âÂ
he scribbles down his phone number on the notepad grandpa was showing you before his rude interruption.Â
âby the way, my unit is 1311. you can also just-â he knocks on the thin air, clicking his tongue to mimic the sound. âknock on my door.âÂ
jungkookâs watch beeps twice everyday, once at 8:50am and then at 11pm sharp. the sun is burning bright and his shift starts at 9am. yes, he is nervous infront of a girl who is drop-dead gorgeous, but he should also be very much nervous about the (unfair) deduction from his measly salary.Â
âokay, i need to run to work! goodbye!âÂ
â
so, his name is jungkookâŚ
you crane your head to watch him rush out of the building. the uncomfortable sound of his sneakers squeaking against the floor makes you grimace.Â
the page he wrote his number on is ripped off from the notepad and handed to you.Â
âheâs a good kid.â
you force yourself to smile, and it slowly fades as you tilt down your chin and stare at the string of numbers in blue ink.
long after the janitor has left to fulfill his long list of tasks, you remain standing by the aquarium.Â
âyou do have someone taking good care of you.â you whisper to the clueless fishes, caressing the glass. a genuine smile appears when two of them swim towards you, beady eyes trying to make sense of the stranger loitering around their homey cage. âyou can breathe well and youâre warm in the winter. thatâs a relief.âÂ
after feeding them, next on the agenda is to cook your own breakfast. you head for the elevator, tossing the crumpled up paper into the trash bin before pressing the arrow pointing towards north.Â
â
âhyungâŚâ
âwhy?âÂ
jungkook sighs. âcan you text me?âÂ
âtext you what?â seokjinâs forehead creases in confusion.Â
âanything. i just need to make sure my phone still works.âÂ
thursday has been a slow day at the amusement park despite the school vacation and no one has tried to win a teddy bear since the place opened. seokjin is more than happy to spend his free time playing games on his phone in his own little corner at the amusement park.Â
well, that was before jungkook got bored at the ping pong toss booth and decided to hang out at the other side of the wall.Â
he shrugs and texts his younger friend the word âanythingâ just to get him off his back. he goes back to playing his game, not curious enough to interrogate him with additional questions.Â
jungkookâs text tone rings at max volume.Â
âit does work!â he yells in exasperation, flopping down at his seat. âwhy hasnât she texted me?â
âyou were whining about the same thing the other day.â seokjin muses as his car crosses the finish line. second place. âyou fool, just text her first.â
âi donât have her number.â
âwhat do you mean you donât have her number?â
âi gave her mine.â jungkook says quietly. âwe live in the same building and i told her to contact me if she needs anything.â
âthen i guess itâs safe to say that she doesnât need anything from you.âÂ
âseriously, why canât i have friends that are nice to me?!âÂ
seokjin bursts out laughing, definitely not a stranger to jungkook and taehyungâs bickering at the break room.Â
âyou did this one to yourself! jungkook, flirt better!âÂ
âeasier said than done,â jungkook pouts.Â
you make him nervous. his brain goes blank when youâre around. in addition to that, he doesnât know what youâre going through and heâs scared that youâd end up pushing him away if he oversteps.Â
âi gave her candy when we first met and she threw them away.âÂ
âoh, thatâs right,â seokjin loads a new game, snorting. âtaehyung told me about that.âÂ
jungkookâs jaw drops. âis he backstabbing me?â
â
jungkook enters the break room with yet another item from the lost-and-found. itâs been over two weeks since he found this orange beanie on the ground. mustâve fallen from the rollercoaster, thatâs his best guess.Â
since no one has claimed itâ âfinders keepers,â he grins as he stuffs it into his backpack.Â
âthief,â seokjin jokingly accuses him from the other side of the table. âthatâs how you were raised?â
âsays the one who took the sony headphones yesterday.âÂ
âi won it fair and square!âÂ
heâd argue with the older man again, but his phone vibrating has stolen his full attention. he is hit with disappointment at the same moment that he snatches it from the table. itâs his mom, again, asking him when heâs coming home.Â
âyou need to stop doing that. itâs getting sad.â
he sighs, hugging his backpack to hide his pitiful face. âi am sad.âÂ
â
his walks home from the bus stop have always been a period for reflection and pondering. the streets of seoul are scattered with his indecision, worries, and anger. since his mother has been asking him for months, should he just go home and endure their living situation? maybe itâs better to be annoyed with the presence of people instead of being blue with a lack thereof.Â
so much for being independent. he spent most of high school anticipating the day he gets to move out, now he wants nothing but to go home. he canât help but to think that life is but a vicious cycle of wanting and losing.Â
too lost in thought, he fails to realize right away that he has entered his apartment buildingâs vicinity. itâs the smell of cigarette smoke that brings him back to reality. the alley is dark, but he can make out the silhouette of a figure crouched down on the ground. assuming that itâs one of the guards hiding to smoke, he soundlessly enters the confined space with mischief up his sleeve.Â
when he gets close enough, the first thing he sees is the tip of the cigarette still burning red as the smoker takes a puff.
a car with blinding headlights zooms past.
it becomes unmistakable thenâ the identity of the person ten feet away from him.Â
thereâs no one around here with same hair color.Â
none that he knows of anyway.Â
he is motionless; clueless as to what he should do. he should probably turn his back and leave. pretend this never happened. he never saw anything.Â
he canât even be hung up on the fact that you smoke. if he thinks back on his past experiences with dating, this wouldâve been a turn-off, but he loses the ability to care. the smoke in his lungs is negligible when your wounded sobs are breaking his heart. itâs ridiculous that the urge to also cry is spreading fast in his system, but he had a long day and he feels really fucking shitty.Â
you were going to notice his presence eventually.Â
he doesnât know what he was expecting.Â
you lift your head, and eye-contact is made. none of you chooses to speak a word.Â
youâre as beautiful as the day he first met you.
you stand on your feet and you step on the cigarette, on the emotional connection he swore you had, crushing it under the weight of your boot.Â
he blinks away the tears threatening to escape his eyes. he should say something; offer an apology for intruding on a vulnerable moment, but you walk past him before he could form the words, shoulder harshly bumping against him.Â
could have it been on purpose?Â
â____!â he says your name for the first time, for what sounds like a plea. he follows you home like a lost puppy. âiâm sorry, i-i wasnât⌠i thought you were another person⌠are you okay?â
âwhat do you think?â you spit out. the delicate voice he knows isnât there, gone harsh and hoarse.Â
âis there anything i can do?â
no response.Â
he tries again. âanything at all?âÂ
âoh my god, canât you take a hint? leave me alone!âÂ
your sudden outburst sends him stumbling backwards, the sensation of your hands on his chest still lingering despite the distance that was forcefully created between the two of you.Â
âi donât know you! stay away from me!âÂ
your infuriated voice echoes throughout the lobby. he is shocked. dumbfounded. his eyes, out of focus, seek your face, and he finds you heaving with tearful eyes.Â
he makes an attempt to speak, something to defend himself with, but in the end, he still says, âiâm sorry.âÂ
a woman walks out of the elevator, and you immediately enter without looking back. jungkook remains standing where he is, with strangersâ eyes on him as if he has committed a grave crime.
â
you slam the door shut, hand still covering your mouth shut despite no one being around to hear your cries. you donât bother turning on the lights. your shoulder bag falls somewhere on the floor and you collapse on the bed, still in your jeans and your heels hanging off your feet.Â
nothing matters anymore.
youâre suffering the punishment of somebody elseâs crime. youâve been casted out, stripped away of your dreams and your dignity. your life is over and youâve accepted that, but maybe you havenât. all is unfair. youâre so fucking angry but youâre too tired to feel it. and youâre alone. so alone. no one is on your side and itâs not fair.Â
you try to scream out, anything to release your pent-up rage, but it doesnât happen. apparently, thatâs what happens when enough people tell you to bite your tongue raw.Â
they say we curl up into the fetal position as a natural response to stress and anxiety because it mimics the sense of security we had when we were in our motherâs womb. the way you see it, your body will always be yours and it is the only one that you need.
so you curl up and you put your arms around yourself. you pat your own back until your wrist falls limp from exhaustion, and you keep your eyes closed until you fall into a deep sleep. Â
you pray to god that you never wake up.
â
you fail to achieve peace even in your dreams. in what is supposedly an imaginary land, you were being chased by faceless agitators with torches and pitchforks. you were crying and screaming, running on bare and bloody feet, tripping on branches and the stones they were throwing.Â
you open your eyes to darkness.
just as you predicted; nobody listens.Â
you feel nothing anymore and you hope it stays that way. if you canât escape it, then perhaps, you can be desensitized to its horrors.Â
you force yourself to sit up on the bed, spending an unknown length of time staring into the void.Â
the first coherent thought formed in your head⌠no, not a thought⌠a person.Â
your bare feet brave the cold floor. the switch of the desk lamp is flicked as you sit at your desk. you grab a pen to write something on the free space of your opened journal pages.Â
under those numbers, you note down the name of the owner in cursive.
â
after the shitshow that transpired earlier, sleep became impossible for jungkook.Â
he doesnât quite understand how he feels about you. however, itâs currently clear that thereâs a part of him thatâs pissed off. you made yourself very clear. he should maintain distance from now on. thatâs the sensible, respectable thing to do. at this point, attempts at initiating any form of relationship with you appear to be futile. youâre a stranger to him, as you emphasized. this shouldnât be as complicated as it is in his head⌠but fuck, the memories of your tear-stained face is corrupting his ability to rationalize.
itâs 2:33am. heâs been playing the guitar infront of the camera for an hour and a half already. the comment section is flooded by sleep-deprived people like him, sending song requests and questions about his personal life.Â
yes, heâs about to be in third year college.Â
no, he doesnât have a girlfriend.Â
no, he canât mention where he lives⌠but sure, he can sing âbeautifulâ by crush.Â
âwhat do you mean? i just finished playing it ten seconds ago!â he squints as he scrolls through the new wave of comments. âsorry, art commissions are still closed. iâm behind on my workload⌠no, iâm not sleepy! donât send me to bed yet⌠knees by iu? i love that song. should i play that next?â
his phone vibrates with a new text message, nearly causing it to fall from the stack of books he set it up on.Â
âoh- what was tha- what do i do? wait, everyone. i need to check on something!â
the live is temporarily put on pause.Â
âwho is this?â
his eyebrows knit in confusion when he is greeted by an unregistered phone number.
 2:45am
hi, jungkook. this is ____. i wanted to apologize for my behavior at the lobby earlier. i understand you were only concerned. iâm so sorry. iâd love to buy you coffee some time to make it up to you, if thatâs ok.Â
this is real, right? heâs awake. heâs not hallucinating. the text message indicates your name and it says that youâd love to buy him coffee some time.Â
a gasp leaves his mouth, his hand flying up to seal his lips.Â
you texted him. you finally texted him.
he was starting to get convinced that you also threw away his number, but you didnât!Â
he weakly sets down the phone, brain still processing the message you sent. does this make sense?
âi shouldnât reply right away⌠maybe in the morningâŚâ he nods to affirm myself. âthatâs right.âÂ
he begins chuckling out of nowhere. soon enough, those chuckles become chortles. he must be going insane. he picks up the phone and reads the message again.Â
âshe sounds pretty even in chat. how is that possible?â he spins on his chair, so carefree. âbut honestly, is one coffee enough for what she did?âÂ
he shakes his head with a click his tongue.Â
âi donât think soâŚâ
hold onâŚ
it feels like heâs forgetting somethingâŚ
âah, the live!â he jumps on his seat in panic.Â
he swipes out of the text message to go back to the app where he abandoned his thousand viewers.
âsorry, i made money.â he mumbles to himself. âi should end it now.âÂ
â
his mood has done a 180. his routine consists of feeding the fishes dinner, and then himself, but he decided to skip the second part earlier for reasons that he has forgotten by now.Â
his stomach growls at his selfish decision.Â
given the time, he considered food delivery, but the fee made him exit the app immediately. he hasnât gone to the grocery store as of recent either. the fridge has been wasting electricity, but his pride wonât let him turn it off.Â
how did people live without convenience stores before? that is what jungkook marvels about as he crosses the long hallway to reach the elevator.Â
a door ahead opens, and he would ignore it if not for one of the two people who comes out from the other side of it.Â
there is a man in his late 20âs, and then there is⌠you.Â
you are the deer and jungkook is the blinding headlights.Â
â
the coffee you originally offered jungkook has turned into a full meal. when you arrived at the convenience store, he knew what he wanted right away. he grabbed the biggest cup of ramyeon and tteokbokki, an egg, sausage, and cheese. he refused to let you pay for them at first, but there was nothing left to do after you handed the cashier the money.Â
the action was done out of obligation rather than will, but seeing how much heâs enjoying the food, youâre a little less displeased with the circumstances.Â
âis that all youâre eating? we can share mine.âÂ
âitâs okay. iâm not that hungry.âÂ
with the money you had left, you were able to afford a roll of gimbap. maybe itâs not enough to make you full, but itâs enough to satiate your hunger. you slowly chew the food in your mouth, an effort to hide your smile as you discretely observe jungkook devour his rabokki.Â
âthe man from earlier, is he your brother?â
your chewing is put on pause. âhow did you know?âÂ
âhow? itâs easy!âÂ
he cheekily points at his nose using his chopsticks.Â
âyou have the exact same nose.âÂ
âugh,â you grimace. âiâm tired of hearing that.âÂ
your list of similarities ends there. heâs the golden child and youâre the black sheep. if your parents find out that he comes to visit you and he sends you money, theyâd only see you in worse light.
âi know,â jungkook scrunches his nose. âi have an older brother too.âÂ
cute.Â
âso⌠why did you lie?â
heâs seriously asking you like this? so casually?
you awkwardly set down your food on the table and you take your time sipping at your coffee to buy yourself some time.
â
âi was embarrassed with what happened before⌠me crying at the boat and everythingâŚâ
youâre having a hard time looking at jungkook in the eye. sensing your discomfort, he wants to punch himself for being so careless with his tone. until moments before, he felt too offended to consider the fact that you never owed him an explanation.Â
âyou donât have to be. itâs okay.â he reassures you. âwe all have bad days.â
it doesnât work the way that he thought it would. when you start laughing, he is lost.Â
âdid i say something funny?â he chuckles along nervously.Â
âthat quote, âitâs just a bad day, not a bad life.ââÂ
âyeah?âÂ
âitâs the opposite for me. itâs not just a bad day; itâs a bad life.â Â
you speak with such endearing humor and it works like a charm in making the atmosphere lighter. heâd pass it off as a self-deprecating joke, but based on your few yet impactful encounters so far, he doesnât think youâre stretching the truth far. if heâs being honest, if your first meeting happened differently, heâd assume that youâre living a perfectly comfortable life based on your appearance alone.
âeven now, iâm too embarrassed to show my face to you. but weâre neighbors, so iâll try to get over it.â
âtell you what, letâs start with a clean slate.â he eagerly makes a proposal. âyou can erase all the embarrassing memories of you from my brain.â
âh-how do i do that?âÂ
âflick my forehead!â
you blink, eyes darting around as you try to make sense of what he said. âi was expecting some sort of stupid hypnosis.â
âor that,â he switches up, slapping the table as if you just came up with something revolutionary.Â
why did he say flick his forehead anyway? he knows you gotta have an overwhelming amount of pent-up emotions. you could go deku on him and blow his head off.Â
âletâs do that!â
âno, i like it.â you almost interrupt him. âiâll flick your forehead.âÂ
but he did suggest it⌠and you act so gentle and sophisticated. he doubts that you would make it hurt.Â
âhere i go!â
he gets his bangs out of the way. âokay!â
he squeezes his eyes shut, bracing himself for impact. âplease have mercy.âÂ
son of a bitch. that hurt.Â
âow!â he rubs the affected area, face twisting in pain. his eyes flicker to you in disbelief. âyou didnât hold back, huh?!âÂ
you smile at him sweetly. âdid it work?â
 â
âyou fed them, right?â
âof course i did. you?â
âyes, this morning.â
âokay, thatâs good.â
you and jungkook sit in silence after that, eyes twinkling with wonder as they follow the stunning movements of the goldfishes.Â
deep inside, heâs feeling restless. you make him nervous, and heâs also nervous about you noticing that heâs nervous. itâs been a tireless cycle.Â
he sneaks a glance at you.
perhaps heâs overthinking again. it seems like you donât even care that heâs less than an armâs length from you.Â
he doesnât know whether to be relieved or annoyed.Â
he sighs without a sound, comfortably leaning all of his weight on the couch.Â
âitâs called the dreamboat.â
âwhat is?âÂ
the boat you cried inâ canât say that. you might flick his forehead again.Â
âat the amusement park.âÂ
âohâŚâ
it falls silent.Â
jungkook is thankful when you have a follow-up question because he hasnât thought of a new topic yet.Â
âi wonder why they called it that.â
âoh, because the ownerâs daughter loves boats!â he shares one of the few fun facts he learned over the past year. âthatâs why it was designed like it came from a fairy tale too.âÂ
a mirthful smile forms on your face âmy guess was too far off.âÂ
âwhat was it?âÂ
âmhmm,â you hum, folding your arms over your chest. âdreamboat is a word used to describe a handsome man, right?â
jungkook nods his head like he knew that all along. no, he didnât.Â
âso i imagined the owner met their handsome partner on a boat- no, or a ship,â the epiphany hits you in the middle of your sentence. âthey have to be rich since they built an amusement park.â
a romantic. you imagined a love story based on a word alone. jungkookâs teeth dig into his lower lip as he tries to tame his wide grin.Â
âthat does sound like a good theory.â he casually bends over, resting his elbows over his spread thighs. âi think i like it better than the truth.â
âhow did you know that though? the truth?â
he shrugs. âi work there.â
âyou work there?â your voice goes up a pitch. âi didnât knowâŚâ
âyou? do you study or work?â
âcall center,â you answer to get it over with. to his surprise, your body language shifts and youâre now facing him. âwhatâs it like working there? is it fun?âÂ
apparently, a job at the amusement park is now joining his very short list of your interests: after motorbikes, smoking, and fishes.
âit has good days and bad daysâŚâ he trails off. he hasnât truly given this much thought, so heâs also learning about himself. âbut i didnât expect it to be as fun as it is. sometimes itâs boring, but when itâs fun, itâs really fun.â
you scoot closer. âdo you get to ride for free?â
ah, yes, the deciding factor when he was offered the job.Â
âthereâs an employee discount, actually! but i do it for free anywayâŚâ he shyly scratches his head. âdonât tell anyone i said that.âÂ
âi donât have anyone to tell.âÂ
his heart skips a beat when he hears your laugh genuinely for the first time. quiet and delicate and airyâ you grace this blue summer night like a spring breeze that takes away with it everything that burdens your mind and heart.Â
once again, the aquarium becomes the most interesting collection of atoms in the building. as for him, he is still unable to keep his eyes off you.Â
âdid you have a pet fish growing up? you really like them a lot.â
âno,â you reply. âi didnât care about them until now.â
âreally?â his eyes grow wide. âwow, i seriously thought you were a marine life enthusiast, or something like that.âÂ
you give him a look. âi thought you were a marine life enthusiast.â
âwe were both wrong.â he shrugs. âbut what made you care about them so much now?â
âi donât know. i just thought of something when i was looking at them.âÂ
he feels your hesitance to continue. your eyes connect briefly and he communicates that heâs listening with an open mind.
âtheyâre different from other pets, you know, like cats and dogs. they canât make a sound when theyâre in pain.âÂ
in the dark room, he sees the melancholy seeping from the cracked edges of you. although you act relaxed, your spoken thoughts paint the picture of a person whose sensitivity and sympathy touch upon everything.Â
âthere should at least be somebody who cares enough to check up on them and make sure that theyâre alive and well.âÂ
ââŚand you wanted to be that somebody for them.â he concludes with a hushed voice, more to himself than you.Â
âbut it turns out they have you already.â
âitâs not just me now.â
he mirrors your soft smile. itâs nice to see your frown turned upside down for a change. what was weighing down on him has become lighter, and he hopes itâs the same for you.
âthe sun is about to rise.â you announce after a peek at the grandfather clock. âwe should go home.â
jungkook isnât a big fan of comfortable silence, but he can get used to it. he maintains a respectable distance from you in the elevator, engaging himself with the ascending number of floors on the screen. when the door opens, youâre the first to step out and he follows suit.Â
your destination isnât far. you pause in front of unit 1303.
âuhm, this is me.âÂ
yup, the same door he saw you come out of.Â
âiâm not far, just at the end of the hall. 1311, if you ever need anything.â
your eyes trace the direction of where heâs pointing before you nod in understanding. with a hand gripping the door handle, you offer him one final smile.
âgoodnight, jungkook.â
â
if others cheese over good morning texts first thing after opening their eyes, then jungkookâs case is one of a kind.Â
he rolls over to his side, puffy eyes from sleep forming thinner crescent moons as he zooms in on your reflection on the glass.Â
 10:08am
[attached image]
theyâre happy and fed :)
10:10am
[attached image]
babies are getting bigger
this is how his mornings have been going for the past two weeks. he wakes up and he checks his phone for fish breakfast updates from you. in return, he sends fish dinner updates to you at night. he was the first one to send you a picture following the night you awkwardly bumped into each other. he didnât want to wait around anymore.
were his palms sweaty? did he throw his phone on the bed after?Â
no longer relevant.Â
he now knows that your favorite color is blue and you have wednesdays and fridays off for the next month. thatâs pretty cool.Â
another thing heâs taken notice of is that you donât use emojis or emoticons aside from the smiley face.Â
although, there was once a miracle.
he scrolls up until he reaches your conversation from four days ago.
 11:59pm
LOL iâm actually allergic to seafood ă
ă
đđđ
âah, iâm annoyed!â he kicks his feet; half of the blanket falls to the floor. âsheâs so cute!âÂ
things are indeed going great, greater than he imagined, but if he has to complain, he wishes he could see you in person more. heâs at work when youâre home and vice versa, so you donât cross paths despite living on the same apartment floor. that 3am encounter was a rare phenomenon, it turns out. he chanced upon you a few times while running to work and you were feeding the fishes breakfast, but those conversations were barely conversations.Â
âi just thought of something when i was looking at them⌠they canât make a sound when theyâre in pain.â
he hasnât stopped thinking about that.Â
â
âwhen are you asking her out on a date?â
taehyung is on a mission to tease him for life even from daegu. heâs only thankful that his best friend isnât video calling him from the toilet again because heâs currently having his lunch.Â
âi donât know.â he grouches. âit doesnât feel like the right time. i donât want to scare her off.âÂ
âwhenâs that âright timeâ?âÂ
âiâll figure it outâŚâ he sighs, setting down the half-eaten sandwich on the table. âhow do i say itâŚ? i feel like- hm, sheâs no- sheâs not in the best emotional state right now.âÂ
âso you admit it,â taehyung raises an eyebrow, smirking. âshe has issues.â
that didnât sit right with jungkook at all. he feels obligated to defend your honor.Â
âhey, stop being rude. you havenât even met her yet.âÂ
âcome on, bro! iâm only looking out for you.âÂ
the atmosphere shifts into a more serious tone.
âi donât want you to get hurt trying to fix another person again. it was hard to watch.â
he moved on and learned his lessonâ he wants to spit out as a rebuttal, but his best friend gave him much to think about. would it make sense to say that heâs moved on but he hasnât healed?Â
âi know,â is what he ends up saying absentmindedly, distracted by thoughts that he isnât keen on sharing.Â
and as if heâs been slapped back into reality, he fixes his posture and picks up his sandwich. âso, whatâs up? have you even slept yet?â
âno,â taehyung responds nonchalantly. between the two of them, he absolutely has the more fucked up sleeping schedule. âiâve been awake since 12am.â
âdidnât you say youâd spend the entire vacation sleeping?â
âthis vacation was a trap.â
the camera darts to the abandoned mop on the floor.
âmy mom makes me do all the chores everyday. this is worse than my actual job!âÂ
a devilish grin is drawn on jungkookâs face. ah, the grass is always greener on the other side.
 Â
â
âmondays stay to be a pain in the ass.â
does it look like heâs exhausted and dirty from chasing around children all day? jungkook is stressed as he checks himself out on his front camera. heâs walking home from the bus stop after clocking out of work.Â
the street is mostly quiet, until a roaring engine approaches and he cringes at the raucous sound assaulting his eardrums. heâs already at the sidewalk for his safety and in accordance with the law, but he feels compelled to stay further back and wait for the vehicle to pass by.Â
seconds later, a black harley races past.
jungkook is dumbfounded as he tries to piece the puzzle together.Â
the lights are bright, and your pink hair blowing with the wind is even brighter.Â
âw-was thatâŚ?â
â
he was going to bring it up over text last night, but he decided to reserve it for physical conversation because he wants to see your face light up again.Â
youâre so fucking cool.Â
heâs both amazed and envious.Â
also, heâs pretty damn sure that youâre rich. he doesnât understand why youâre living in this place and enduring the graveyard shift at the call center.Â
a foolish smile is permanently plastered on his face as he sketches a commissioned digital portrait. he really should focus, or else he might end up drawing you instead of his client.Â
he spins on his chair, pushing the wheels towards the bed, where he comfortably extends his feet over. almost missed it. the power has been out for an hour and he doesnât expect it to come back until dawn. he was pissed about this being a normal occurrence during the first year of his stay here, but heâs gotten quite used to it. invested in a powerbank that almost looks like it can charge a carâs battery and heâs all set.Â
the aggressive pounding at the door drowns out the pop ballad heâs listening to.
âwhat? who could it be at this hour?âÂ
he pauses the song, turning up the brightness of his ipad to use it as a makeshift flashlight.Â
the last person he expected to appear at his door says the last thing he expected them to say.Â
âjungkook, i think thereâs a ghost in my apartment.â
â
jungkook sets down a hot cup of tea infront of you. in his mind, he thanks himself for keeping everything his mom sends him, even the things he do not like.Â
âthanks,â you mumble, picking it up by the handle.Â
he patiently sits on the other side of the table for two, giving you the time to calm yourself down from the horror that you witnessed. he has his emergency light propped up on the kitchen counter. he was saving it for when he finds himself in a grave situation, like a total blackout or an apocalypse. he didnât imagine heâd end up using it for an unusual night like this.Â
âare you feeling better?â he asks worriedly.
you nod. âyeah, i just donât want to be alone right now.âÂ
âiâm here. you can stay until whenever you want.â
âthank you.â
you sigh with your eyes closed. you look like life has been drained out of you.Â
âiâm really scared, jungkook.â
âare you sure about what you saw? i mean, itâs dark. your mind couldâve been playing tricks on you.â
âi saw him. i really him saw him!â you frantically defend yourself. âi was washing my hands then i turned around and i saw him, sitting at the edge of my bed! he looked at me!âÂ
his heart drops to his stomach when your chin begins to wobble and he sees your eyes glistening with unshed tears.Â
âand his skin was burnt off, jungkook.â you enunciate the words to emphasize the severity of what you experienced. âitâs so horrifying, i had to run.âÂ
âhey hey hey- itâs okay. i believe you.â he squeezes your cold, trembling hands. âyouâre safe now. itâs only us here. no spirits- i promise.âÂ
heâs losing his mind a little bit. heâs holding the hands of the girl he likes and her pinky is wrapped around his. youâve been putting him through a rollercoaster that, for once, he is terrified of. he wants to bask in this moment⌠but the specific detail you revealed is bothering him.
âand you said⌠he was burnt?âÂ
âyeah, why?â
he presses his lips in a thin line, shaking his head. âno, itâs nothing.â
âthereâs something.â you stop crying. âi see it on your face.â
âi swear, it's nothing!â
âyouâre lying!â you accuse him. âwhat is it?â
âforget it, ____.â
âjungkook,â you say his name sternly. âtell me.â
shit, heâs done for. you canât do this to him when heâs trying to protect you.
he swallows nervously. âbut i donât want to scare you.âÂ
âi saw a ghost. what else can scare me?â
âthe truth isâŚâ he pauses, still weighed down by hesitance. but he realizes he has reached the point of no return. also, youâre squeezing his hands a little too tight. âthis building had to be restored. it burned down a decade ago. people suspect there was foul play, but the firemen said it was faulty wiring.âÂ
heâs the one telling the story, but he also feels chills run down his spine.Â
âoh⌠so youâre sayingâŚâ
âi⌠believe so?â he winces with a mix of guilt and fear. âbut itâs the first time iâm hearing of a ghost story here. i havenât had any encounter either.âÂ
âi need to move.â you declare, not an ounce of humor in your voice.Â
âdonât!â he protests.Â
perhaps a little too passionately. could he be any more obvious?Â
âwhat do you mean? you need to leave too!â
âi canât,â he fakes a pained expression. âwhoâs going to take care of the fishes?âÂ
that works like a charm.Â
you untangle your hands and lean against the chair, transforming into a pensive state.Â
if he wasnât going to convince you to stay, the fishes would.Â
âfuck,â you curse in a low whisper, sipping on your tea.Â
â
âiâm not the spoiled brat you think i am.â you frown, dangling your feet from the bed. âi sleep on the floor too.âÂ
âiâd be rude if i let you do that.â jungkook insists as he fluffs his pillow. âiâm comfortable right here. iâm used to it.âÂ
he was relieved that you werenât stubborn enough to go back to your place and force yourself to sleep there. after seeing how terrified you were, it wouldâve been impossible for him to close his eyes and shut down his brain from worrying. he hasnât seen a ghost, but they have to be real. he likes to believe that we do not cease to exist and we have some place to go when we die. however, that does co-exist with being alarmed by a ghost of a burnt body sitting on your bed. he isnât going to let you go back in there tonight. no way.
âyou should get some rest. just tell me if you need anything, okay?â
âthank you, jungkook.âÂ
âitâs no problem!â
his name sounds so sweet when it comes from your lips. he canât help but to feel giddy every time he hears it.Â
you lie down on the bed, facing the portable fan strategically set up on jungkookâs gaming chair. on the other hand, the emergency light is at the nightstand, acting as a night lamp.Â
he checks the time on his ipad: 1:48am. his battery percentage: 55%. heâs not yet sleepy, so he decides to continue working until he gets the low battery warning for 20%.Â
sitting down without back support becomes too uncomfortable after a while, especially when drawing. he doesnât realize it when he changes positions, too focused on drawing the intricate floral patterns on the clientâs blouse.Â
âis that your girlfriend?âÂ
jungkook turns his head towards the voice and your face is only inches away from his. the word stops for a moment.
âis she okay with me sleeping here?âÂ
he scoots a little further away to grant his racing heart some mercy. âu-uhmm, no.â
ânoâŚ?â you repeat slowly, sounding concerned.
âno, as in sheâs not my girlfriend!â he further elaborates in distress. âi donât have a girlfriend.â
âokay, cool. you scared me.â you huff out a chuckle. âi donât like being the girl who causes problems.âÂ
âno, youâre safe.â he manages to also laugh. âno oneâs coming to pull your hair.â
âthen who is she?â you point at the screen with your pouted lips, particularly the reference photo thatâs been burnt to his memory.Â
âa client. people pay me to draw them.â
âoh, so sheâs one of your french girls?â you crack a humorous remark.
the reference catches him off guard, even though he shouldâve totally seen it coming.
he squints. âmhmmm, i guess? kind of like that⌠except theyâre not, you know, naked.â
âi see,â you hum in interest. âyou donât like doing nude drawings?âÂ
âhonestly? i donât know. iâve never done it before.âÂ
âno oneâs asked you?â
he shakes his head. âno one,â
âwould you do mine if i ask you to?âÂ
he secretly pinches his thigh to prove that heâs not dreaming.Â
what the fuck?
did he hear you right?Â
it sounded like such a genuine and casual question in the name of art, but the worst thing he could do while his crush is sleeping over is to imagine her naked. he feels the warmth spread across his cheeks, possibly reaching his ears.Â
âhey, breathe!â you giggle with a push of his shoulder. âyou donât have to answer that. sorry if it made you uncomfortable.â
âsorry, i was just surprised.âÂ
he forces himself to laugh and act like the question isnât putting him through a crisis in so many levels.Â
âiâll let you finish your work.â you smile at him, pulling up the blanket.Â
please do and stop shaking up my heart.Â
âgoodnight.âÂ
âgoodnight, ____.âÂ
â
jungkook is still flustered by the conversation. since you opened up the topic, he did give it some serious thought. he thinks he wouldnât mind if someone asked him to do it. he makes all of his negotiations and transactions online so everyone so far have been a stranger. as for the people he personally know, unless itâs his significant other, wouldnât it be awkward?Â
anyway, the chances of it happening are low. stressing over it is pointless.
he needs to finish this commission and move on to the next, or else heâd be encumbered by the pile of deadlines. heâs making the most out of this vacation so he can save more money and work wonât have to interfere so often with his studies.Â
sometimes he doesnât understand why he works so hard either. his family isnât struggling financially. in fact, heâs studying to take over their businesses. his parents have been nothing but kind and supportive, but he is never compelled to ask them for money. he feels this strong and all-consuming need to prove himself as capable and independent. nothing compares to the gratification of buying his wants and needs with the money he sacrificed his blood, sweat, and tears for. he canât stop himself.
âi canât sleepâŚâ a quiet murmur reaches his ears. âmay i watch you draw?âÂ
oh, he thought youâve fallen asleep twenty minutes ago.Â
âof course,âÂ
he is more than happy to move closer to give you a good view of his progress.Â
if thereâs one thing he isnât ashamed to boast aboutâ itâs this.Â
itâs silent except for your breathing and the taps of his pen on the screen. heâs a tad self-conscious with the presence of engrossed eyes, but he would describe the atmosphere as peaceful.Â
âyouâre such a great artist.â you whisper in awe.Â
jungkook canât recall the last time he felt this simple yet profound type of joy.Â
â
true to your words, you did move as morning came.Â
jungkook wakes up to an empty bed and a commotion outside.Â
â____?âÂ
he knocks on the bathroom door, not expecting it to swing open from the action. he takes his chances and peeks inside with another call of your name, but youâre still nowhere to be seen.Â
did you really leave without saying goodbye?Â
he sighs in disappointment. he was planning on buying you breakfast, too. he knew it. he shouldâve made the invitation last night.Â
a series of loud thumps prompts him to scratch his head in irritation. heâs tired and sleep-deprived and he didnât see his crushâs face first thing in the morning. the day has barely started and itâs already a bad one.
he opens the door with a considerable force, mouth running before his eyes could perceive his surroundings.Â
âcould you guys turn it down? people are still slee-â
âjungkook! youâre awake.âÂ
you jog over to him with a more cheery expression than last nightâs. thereâs no windows but the sun is shining over his face.
âsorry about the noise. iâm moving to a new unit.â
he can see that, but his brain remains in a muddled state. how did you make the arrangements overnight? he gapes at the men hauling your things to your new apartment.
â1309?â he exclaims.
âyeah,â you shyly reply. âitâs the only vacant one left.âÂ
almost but not quite. does he have the right to complain? youâd be one door away.Â
heâs fucking ecstatic.Â
if he just sets aside the fact that it took a ghastly ghost encounter for the stars to align.Â
the wrinkles on his forehead disappear and become crinkles by his eyes, accompanied by an excited beam.Â
âshould we feed them together then grab breakfast after?âÂ
â
time passes by too fast for jungkookâs liking. summer vacation ended a month ago and heâs back to busting his ass off at the university. he misses the days and nights when the only thing he was going insane about is you.Â
whatâs taking you so long to reply? did he say something stupid? does he look nice? smell nice? are you crying again? that ghost isnât bothering you again, is he?Â
now that he needs to focus on something less interesting, say studying taxation and business law for subsequent long quizzes tomorrow, heâs back to crushing cans of energy drinks.Â
fuck, he misses you.Â
your purple hair tie is still wrapped around the knob of his bathroom sink faucet and he keeps forgetting to give it back to you. you make him nervous but he forgets he ever felt that way after five minutes with you. he craves to be connected with you on a more intimate level. he wants to be more than just a neighbor you make small talk with, over text. he wants to be more than a friend you sometimes eat with, on your days off. but he likes you so much that he can be content with the way things are, so long as it means you wonât go further away.Â
heâs absolutely pumped to hear his friends berate him for being stupid enough to enjoy the bare minimum from a woman.Â
an email notification interrupts his intense cramming session with his ipad and his illegally downloaded ebooks.
No Name
Subject: IMPORTANT! READ ME!Â
snack break at the aquarium?Â
he already has a strong inkling on who the sender could be; he clicks the email address and unsurprisingly, it says that itâs you.Â
did you seriously go out of your way to email him because he told you that he was going to keep his phone turned off while studying?Â
ridiculous.Â
so cute and ridiculous.Â
â
âi brought your favorite.â you meekly present your gift to jungkook. âuh, actually iâm not sure if itâs your favorite. but itâs become mine since you gave it to me.â
jungkook gapes at the bag of his favorite gummies sitting on his lap. just for comparison, the packet he gave you that day you first met came from his pocket. this one is almost as wide as his thighs slightly spread apart.Â
but most importantly, what did you just say?
ây-you didnât throw it away?â
âwhat are you saying?â you pout, a little hurt by the question. âwhy would i throw it away?â
âyou shouldâve. you canât just accept food from strangers!âÂ
he was being pretty before. he humbly admits that. he just wanted an excuse to bring you up so he whined about it for weeks, but he was never genuinely upset. not specifically about that, anyway.
âwhy are you so upset?â you match the rise of his voice. âiâm fine and we ended up being friends. now say âthank youâ and open it!â
âah, sure-â he panics, fumbling with the zigzag edges of the packaging. you were kind of hot for that. âthank you! this was seriously so thoughtful of you.âÂ
you nod in satisfaction, stealing a gummy worm the second that the plastic is torn open. âyouâre welcome!â
â
 âi should stop eating.â jungkook mumbles to himself, chewing the other half of his nth gummy worm of the night.Â
âyeah,â you agree, pulling your hand away from the bag with an impressive show of restraint. âwe should.â
the two of you probably look bizarre in the eyes of strangers, particularly those who have seen you one too many nights admire the golden creatures like youâre being hypnotized and nothing else in the world matters. jungkook never knows whatâs running in your head, but to him, these moments are all about being beside you. the loud beating of his heart could be attributed to the caffeine, or the bare skin of your knees touching and no one daring to move.Â
âthe tank feelsâŚâ there is a delay as you search for the appropriate word. âdull. canât there be more variety of plants?âÂ
âi tried,â he laughs at the funny memory you evoked. âwhen i came back the next day, two of them already ate everything.â Â
you gasp. âeverything? is that normal?âÂ
he opens his mouth to speak, but you unknowingly interrupt him with a raise of your hand.
âokay, iâm searching on naver.âÂ
jungkook behaves for the fifteen minutes that follow, sneaking a peek at your phone screen every now and then with squinted eyes. you read fast, and your knees shake when you have to think hard. theyâre small things. they donât matter that much. but theyâre still parts of your entirety which he is to be well-aquainted with.Â
âaccording to this person, we can try giving them marimo moss balls to play with⌠and hmmm-â you hum, lips puckering into a pout. âthen for plants, anubias and java ferns?âÂ
âi still know the address of the place i bought the plants from before. we can go when youâre free.â he offers, jumping on the opportunity to spend time with you outside of this building.Â
âyou free sunday?âÂ
âis the afternoon alright? i have to go to uni in the morning.âÂ
please say yes.
âsure, that works.â
he breaks into a triumphant smile.Â
yes!Â
â
jungkook has been looking forward to this day all week. he breezed through work and college, motivated to finish all his tasks so he could enjoy his time with you without any worries. he knows itâs not a date, but anyone can be excited to meet up with a friend.
âyou look pretty.â he smiles, breaking the silence in the elevator.Â
âyou can barely see my face.âÂ
âi see it!â
your nonchalance slowly fades, seemingly replaced by unease, which confuses jungkook. you put on a white face mask from the pocket of your hoodie before facing him.Â
ânow you donât!â you banter with him playfully.Â
âtoo late,â he sticks his tongue out. âi can draw it from memory.âÂ
this is your usual day outfit, a basic classic. a hoodie paired with shorts and sneakers. the face mask is part of it too. in a crowd, you could be anyone, even him, if only your hair doesnât stand out among the neutrals. he likes it. he likes how you match outfits without trying to. you get more dressed up at night, which makes sense since you go to work.Â
âso you can draw me even if i flash you just once?âÂ
scandalized, he almost chokes on his own spit. â____!â
âiâm joking!â you giggle.
âno, please do it.â he encourages you in jest.
that earns him a slap on the face. he touches the affected area. it didnât hurt at all, you did it with a light hand, but he gapes at you dumbstruck.Â
âyou can joke about it but i canât?!âÂ
you only laugh at his reaction. he also imagines that he looks funny. not long after, the elevator opens and you drag him out by his hand.
â
the cashier pushes back your extended hand. âsorry, we donât accept card payments.âÂ
while you pout sadly at the rejection, jungkook rushes to grab the wallet that you made him hide because this was your âidea.âÂ
âhere,â he puts down the paper bills on the counter.
âiâll pay you back.âÂ
âno, itâs fine. my treat for the fishes since theyâd probably eat them anyway.â he jokes to comfort you.
âyeah, okay,â you respond listlessly. âthen iâll buy our dinner. samgyupsal?â
âcall!âÂ
jungkook guesses you have come to know him well too.Â
âokay, letâs go.â
he invites you to leave after the cashier gives him the paper bag. as you walk out together, your shoulders brush, and for a brief moment, he assumes that you would cling to him. he doesnât know why he keeps doing that. you never do. he continues walking and he doesnât even notice that he has left you behind.
the door is half-open and heâs stood in place, eyes scanning the store like he just lost a child at the mall.Â
of course, he finds you hunched over infront of an aquarium inhabited by a betta fish.Â
âdo you want to get it?â he whispers, mindful of scaring away the little creature. âi donât think iâve seen a purple fish before.â
not even in art or television. itâs strange.Â
he feels your eyes glued to him. persuaded by curiosity, he turns his cheek.Â
his breathing stops when he sees your face so close.Â
he doesnât know you removed your mask. youâre staring at him so intensely with those beautiful eyes, sparkling with the reflections of light. youâre dazzling, and intimidating, and itâs doing dangerous things to his heart.
a little nudge and heâd give you an eskimo kiss.Â
if thereâs a perfect romantic moment to kiss your lips, heâd say itâs right now.Â
âitâs not the fish i want.âÂ
he doesnât hear you.Â
do you see how entranced he is by your lips?Â
âthe shipwreck, itâs beautiful.â
his eyes chase the sight of them when you return your gaze to the aquarium.Â
âlike you,â the words slip out without thought.
â
a soft smile tugs at the corner of your lips. you blink away the tears and you stomach the heavy in your chest. you know jungkook is still staring at you with those bedroom eyes and there was no deep thought behind his compliment. will he still find you beautiful when he sees who you are beyond the surface?Â
âlike meâŚâ
âÂ
after dinner, you and jungkook planted the plants and installed the shipwreck you wanted. it was not cheap, but it was worth it, if it meant seeing your priceless joy. he carries around more cash than necessary when he goes out with you. heâs praying that you didnât see his sigh of relief when the waiter said the restaurant accepts card. he doesnât know much about your circumstances, why you stopped going to school and why you opted to work instead, but he knows you lead a lifestyle different from his. heâs not ignorant. he estimates your bag is five times more expensive than his ipad. but with how youâre soundly sleeping on his shoulder, he can say that itâs justified.Â
he learns that youâve been working straight for fifteen days, with 10-20 hours of overtime per week. you practically live there. he can feel the weight of your shoulders on him, which is why he doesnât have the heart to wake you up despite his bladderâs need of the bathroom. this is probably the closest he will ever be to you. he canât be the one to walk away in this memory.Â
the humming noise of the aquariumâs filter fills the silence.
it always feels like heâs dreaming when heâs with you.
âafter all that money we spent, we should really name them now.âÂ
you release the yawn you were holding back while speaking, head dropping on his shoulder. jungkook stiffens at the suddenness of the physical contact, but then relaxes thanks to the tranquilizing scent of your shampooâ it has to be coconut, with some sort of flowers that perfectly compliment it. Â
âhave any ideas?â
âyes,â he hears the smile in your voice. âyou know those two who have similar hues?â
he hums, body vibrating underneath your soft cheek.
âtangerine, and then clementine for the smaller one.âÂ
âthose are cute names.â
âyou like them?â
âyes, they really sound like siblings!â
âokay, i won.â you shrug your shoulders as far as they can go, as if youâre so pleased you could burst. âthatâs settled. your turn!â
âhmmmâŚâÂ
he unconsciously bounces his knee as he racks his brain, which you swat with a disapproving noise, mumbling âmaking me dizzy!â
âsorry,â he winces.
your giggles are infectious, bringing tickles somewhere deep inside of him, butterflies in his stomach coming alive like spring only arrived.Â
âshouldnât we at least have one named after a flower?â he suggests. âhold on, iâll search for good ones.â
âletâs give the flower name to the yellow one. she stands out, like a flower.â
you blink wearily, a soft smile amidst the haze, sent to the yellow fish who swam closer as if it heard itself being called.Â
he reads the list of yellow flower names out loud. Â
âsunflower, daisy, azalea⌠for-forthysia? lily, cosmos, dahlia-â
âdahlia-â you quietly repeat the name in awe, clinging to his arm to steal his attention.
âdahlia it is!âÂ
âi wish dahlia would live forever.â you sigh, haunted by the inevitable.Â
âdahlia will outlive us.â he chuckles.Â
âiâll protect her from the afterlife.â
he squeezes your hand tenderly. âiâll be right there with you.âÂ
and with unspoken mutual understanding, your fingers intertwine. neither one of you wants to let go, he feels it strongly and he is sure of it. his cheeks may very well begin to ache with how elated he is.Â
âthatâs three⌠you know, i saw someone on youtube who named their fish coral. i thought it was a very pretty name. how about that?â
âi like it,â you chirp. âi kind of wish it was my name.âÂ
âshould i just give it to you?â
you lift your head a little, sleepy eyes connecting with his. âdo you know someone who has the same name as me?â
âno,â he slowly shakes his head. âyouâre the only one.âÂ
âletâs give it to the one with the longest tail.âÂ
your head drops on his shoulder, as if itâs where it belongs.Â
âi like being the only one.â
you fell asleep seconds after that.
he found entertainment in watching as much as the goldfishes playing around with the shipwreck. itâs a wooden ship split in two, with cracks and holes big enough for them to swim in and out of. even the sails have holes. the drawings on them are unrecognizable beyond his imagination.Â
itâs quite charming, but he doesnât understand whatâs special about it the way you do.Â
a teardrop drips from the tip of your nose and crashes on his arm, but he doesnât feel it.Â
eventually, it dries, and is erased from history.Â
#jungkook au#jungkook one shot#jungkook fic#jungkook fanfic#jungkook drabble#jungkook scenario#jungkook imagine#jungkook fluff#jungkook angst#jungkook smut#bts fluff#bts reaction
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