#(for a spn version of good / sucking)

[shallowseeker]

The Exodus convo between Lucifer and Gabe was so good, really.

You see, I think the conversation between Gabriel and Lucifer in Exodus 13x22 was good because they were both right, and they were both wrong!

Gabriel is leaning too far into Chuck's POV, blaming the victim, blaming Lucifer for the things that happened TO him.

GABRIEL: (incredulous at Lucifer’s gall) Okay, you think Dad was the ‘bad guy,’ and you were a victim? You were not a victim. That was just your excuse. LUCIFER: My excuse for what? GABRIEL: For it all, Lucifer. For it all.

It's great because Gabriels is a little bit wrong here. We've seen the Mark up-close and we've seen how it takes away free will. The fact of the matter is that, even in Chuck's own words, Lucifer was a victim. Chuck's line about "Lucifer always casting a jaundiced eye" is a rationalization—Chuck sidestepping his own culpability.

Because even if Lucifer had those undercurrents, the Mark, as we saw, eradicates impulse control. Choosing not to act on ugly thoughts is an essential component of free well.

Lucifer was both a victim AND a perpetrator.

///

Responsibility, wants, and needs:

But Gabe's also right, that at some point Lucifer has to take responsibility for his own actions instead of blaming everything on "a bad childhood." (See Vince!Lucifer's words: "And because being Lucifer? So much Judeo-Christian baggage. But Vince? He's famous. Everybody loves him. And I need love. I had a really jacked childhood.")

(((Aside/// Ah, yes. The two SPN character archetypes: "I need/deserve love" and "I'm unworthy of love."))))

Anyway, It's a bit of a thematic warning that everything Sam and Dean do can't be laid at the feet of John Winchester. At some point, as an adult, you have to stand up and take responsibility for your actions.

GABRIEL: (amused at Lucifer’s frustration) It is really killing you, you’re not out there impressing your kid, huh? Lucifer, do you really see a version here where he sticks by you? LUCIFER: (shrugging) I think the kid is pretty blown away by his old man, so... Yeah. I do. GABRIEL: He’s a kid. He likes shiny objects and magic tricks. But he’s not like you. I can see it in his eyes. His mother’s bloodline, the Winchesters’ influence... LUCIFER: I can be an influence.

Lucifer wants.

But Jack's humanness, his human-centered locus of morality, separates the two of them utterly.

///

Redemption for thee but not for me?

It's interesting a little bit because we see all sorts of evil characters get redemption. Amara spends an entire season sucking out souls and bringing on immense destruction to earth (see: TVss filled with storms, fires, and destruction), and yet... characters like John Winchester, like Lucifer, when it comes to the faintest whiff of redemption, we balk.

I'm not saying they necessarily should get redemption, but our instinctive reaction to the idea is interesting to me. Certain characters' symbolism with respect to evil is so deeply embedded that we cling to our own revenge against them.

And when we care more about who they hurt, we tend to be less forgiving.

///

Too late for Lucifer // Too late for Chuck?

LUCIFER: I’ve changed. [Gabriel stands and walks over to Lucifer.] GABRIEL: Dude, it’s me. I’ve known you since the stars were made. You can’t change. You’re incapable of empathy or love. You live to be worshiped or feared. Or both. LUCIFER: Okay. I--I see that you’ve -- you’ve drunk the Kool-Aid. Fine. [Lucifer pouts, shooing Gabriel way as he turns back towards the truck.] GABRIEL (sarcastically): Oh, is this the part where you tell me that, uh, Dad made up all those so-called lies about you? Got it. LUCIFER (getting angry): Yeah! Yeah, Pop locked me up, okay? GABRIEL (also getting angry): Don’t you get it? Humans were innocent and beautiful. But you...you couldn’t stand that the old man loved them more than He loved you. So you tempted them and corrupted them just to prove how flawed they were. LUCIFER (threateningly) You better be careful, man. GABRIEL: Dad saw that your evil was like the first few cells of cancer...that it would spread like the disease unless He cut it out. That is why He locked you up, to stop the cancer. But it was too late then. And guess what? It’s too late for you now. [Gabriel turns away, leaning on the truck bed and looking back at the camp. Lucifer stares at Gabriel, a lone tear falling from his eye, before he too turns the other way and stares off into the darkness.]

Is it ever too late? I think that's the biggest question of all. And it sticks out to me too that while Gabriel blames Lucifer for his own corruption (the Mark), he gives humans a pass. In Gabe's mind, they're not responsible for their own corruption! Bit of a conundrum, isn't it? Because it's hypocritical to Gabe's overarching point about being responsible for your own actions...

For that matter, what was the "cancer" Lucifer corrupted them with? Was it evil... or was it free will?

Aside/// It's also interesting to me... After Gabriel pronounces his judgment, he turns away so as not to be moved by Lucifer's tears, but note: he is moved by them—he doesn't leave Lucifer's side.

///

Anyway, Lucifer may have killed Gabe, but simultaneously, Gabe is one of the people Lucifer still loves and who still loves Lucifer. It's why the conversation actually hurts.

It's perhaps one of the reasons Lucifer steps up to face off again against AU Michael, even when he's already lost so badly to him, because we have to remember Cas's words: Lucifer’s deeply, deeply afraid of this Michael, too.

It's...hm. It's something. Lucifer has purpose when he's fighting, and however selfish his motivations were, Jack gave him something to fight for. He stepped in front of Gabe to fight Michael, at first.

That's. Hm.... it's something.

///

Cas and Gabe... the only people who seem to be able to put up with Lucifer somewhat effectively, lol.

///

Anyhoo, speaking of redemption...

This conversation reminds me just a little bit of the deleted conversation between Chuck and Metatron in 11x20. Metatron shows his humanity to Chuck, who chops it up and conceptualizes those emotions as "story." It's a bit of flagrant, writerly dehumanization, and Metatron's reaction to Chuck's lack of humanity is so interesting to me:

METATRON: I did. (gets up) But Cas-hat... he spared me. He showed mercy. (sits down opposite CHUCK) And do you know what was the first thing I heard when I woke up in my cold hospital bed? It was hands-down the sweetest, loveliest song I ever heard in my whole, long, sad bottom-feeder existence... My heartbeat. I was still alive. The joy of knowing that you're still alive, and the simultaneous panic of knowing that someday that heart is going to stop beating, that's humanity. It's frail and it's flawed, but damn it, it's worth fighting for. CHUCK: That's a really sweet story, Metatron. Good details, nice balance, and a healthy dose of truth. But it's a little late for a redemption arc, don't you think? METATRON: For me, or for you?

That's...hm. It's definitely something.

Maybe it's easier to get redemption when you haven't irrevocably hurt the people we love... When their victims are... more distant.

[synesindri]

how do you think lucifer knew about pop culture and such? like even in season 5 when he was the original version of himself the writers hadn’t ruined yet, he uses a lot of slang and modern idioms. and i guess we could just say bad writing lol but what’s your opinion?

hiii hi lucifer's s5 pop culture references are one of my favorite dialogue writing choices of the show tbh! the tl;dr is that i think lucifer did a lot of digging around in nick's mind while he was hanging out in nick's body, but i'll like, show my work and stuff also lol

so, in 5.01, before lucifer has a physical vessel and is appearing in nick's dreams, there are no pop culture references in sarah!lucifer's speech, and very little slang. the same is true when lucifer speaks to azazel through the sacrificed nun in the flashback in 4.22.

the pop culture references start after lucifer has taken nick as a vessel and has full access to everything in nick's mind and body, not just whatever can be accessed through dreams. he also starts moving more casually and fluidly, with little gestural quirks that imo have a similar effect to the pop culture references: communicating with humans in human-oriented ways that humans will easily understand and that will make him more relatable to them (not necessarily more likable, but maybe less alien, at least)

so, i think the pop culture refs are picked up from his vessels' memories and thoughts! he got in there, he got total, internal access to nick's memories and his body's habits and his speech patterns and stuff, and starting using those materials in his own communication styles. and then maybe also picked some up through exposure once he had the basics down, after he'd been out of the cage for a while

speculatively, i'd guess this was part of why nick was appealing to lucifer as a vessel: from what we see of nick, we know that what he wears looks like he has a job that has him in work boots (so, probably not white collar, and probably therefore has a vernacular more similar to sam and dean's than someone who would be spending his days in a corporate office, for example) and has pretty standard spn-core ways of speaking. having nick as a vessel puts lucifer more in sam's world visually, in speech, and in movement style more than other possible vessels would. he probably knows a lot of the same pop culture sam does, and he probably talks the way people sam is comfortable and familiar with talk — so, if lucifer learns to talk like a human from nick, lucifer also will come across as a familiar, relatable type of person to sam (didn't work too well but like, A for effort). idk if lucifer would have known enough about human class structures etc to be able to identify nick as the right kind of human to learn human culture from in order to talk to sam, so disregard if that seems too circular...but imo it's smart from the writers/costumers/etc, even if it didn't factor into lucifer's choice at all

(all of this makes different angels' characterization really interesting, i think, because some of them do a lot of human-ifying of themselves like this, while others don't. does castiel not do it much for the sake of jimmy's mind/memory privacy, or because he just doesn't care very much about seeming human? what's up with uriel and michael using pop culture referneces but not much human body language? like i know it's largely inconsistency in writing and acting choices for different characters but just assuming it's actually character-based reasons, i love it. and imo it implies that lucifer is very curious about humanity, even though he wants to get rid of them, and is good with rhetoric in that he understands the value of speaking to people in a way that feels familiar (he sucks at rhetoric in some other ways lol, but he was doing a good job on that, at least))

[eisforeidolon]

Notice the people mad about the joke aren't mad at Mark. Just jensen. That says it all to me. Whatever suits their agenda. As they've claimed mark as one of the good ones. In their strange heads. They're frothing at the mouth on twitter, over a comment no one involved will ever think of again. All over an incident that happened two and half years ago. Isn't that just insane?

Funny how that works, isn't it? Except it's not, because there's a fair extent to which it's always been like this. They were totally fans of Jensen too, totes for realzies - exactly as long as they could use Jensen-as-sidekick constantly talking up Jared and the bro bond as the center of SPN as proof of Jared's inherent superiority. Long before prequelgate, any time Jensen did something without Jared, didn't mention him enough in an interview, or took a picture with Misha or whatever? Plenty of these supposed J2 fans? Turned on Jensen as fast as hellers do when he shoots their fantasies down. Blah blah narcissist, blah blah copycat blah blah he sucks and is boring and clearly needs Jared, blah blah who does he think he is?!? Prequelgate was just their cue to go totally mask-off since SPN was over - and they hilariously keep patting themselves on the back for their "restraint" at trying to pretend (not half as well as they seem to think they did, tbh) not to be unhinged solo stans like the AAs all along. They really think that dismissing Jensen and the entire rest of the cast as irrelevant losers who are not worth the money because Jared isn't there is somehow substantially different and less daft than the AAs calling Jensen an A lister and Jared a nobody because ... they use different words, I guess? Even though it's blatantly the exact same "my fave is the only one that matters and the only REAL star lol" bullshit.

Right at this particular moment, even if it wasn't more important to their agenda to "prove" how terrible Jensen is compared to Jared, Mark S. is already part of their agenda as "proof" that the important and actually talented members of the cast obviously liked Jared better since he did WI. It'd change in a heartbeat if he did a project with Jensen. Like how Rob posting a group picture that doesn't include Jared is "suspicious" and Rich joking about Jared's pranking on set was "probably an insult" since they cameoed in TW. How very dare those nobodies pick the wrong "side"?!?

Except those sides don't exist anywhere except in their heads and no normal person is going to give a shit about the random minutiae stans on either side keep insisting are very important clues to the REAL story of the totally REAL conflict of Jensen versus Jared. Because random obsessively overinvested internet weirdos ready to be hair-triggered into taking offense in the name of the fantasy version of an actor in their heads know better than the real people involved - that makes sense, right? 🤪

[self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2]

Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 15x01 Back and to the Future

“This is the last season?” Yup. Our blog is almost over

“Hopefully it’s the end of that cocksucker. I’m done staring at Nick/Lucifer. Early seasons Lucifer was fine, but he just got horrible” “that was a halfassed jump kid. Kinda funny” “Unless he was running him over” “what in the hell” “feel like we’ve been in this crypt dungeon shit before” “might want to reinforce that fkn door” “just that easy huh?” laughter

Laughter “what the fuck” “get to the point already. Jesus Christ” “they cut their hands way too fkn much. There’s gotta be easier ways” “so if they can blast away demons like that, why didn’t they know that spell earlier?” “Seems a little…” “Is this a different birthday party than the last episode?” “uh fine” “thats a lot of acid in that fkn makeup or something” “Jesus” “so now that Jack is gone, they had to repurpose his actor or something/“ “that’s it? They have more people alive on the planet right now but I suppose they keep sending them to the empty” “we never had a season on the empty” “it’s turtles all the way down. We gotta go to the empty and then what happens after that?” “just got attacked by a fkn zombie shit and you’re worried about some guy in the woods?” “wasn’t that some season 1 shit?” “well that sucks” “They’d be more efficient at it the 2nd time. I’d watch that show” “you should have picked a different brand. Fuck chamberlain” “see?” “this is why you need laser pointers. Get his attention then start banging on the glass” “get in the car and drive through the door already. Holy shit” “just kick the door down” “of course I’ve never faced off with a fkn killer clown I guess” “thanks to educational TV, I will now know how to kill one” “And we get the cliff notes version because everything came back so it’s like a little short study guide” “how would the FBI have anything to do with this?” “what?” “talking like human camel hybrids here?” “he’s doing a good um DiCaprio thing.” “just like Pokemon - walk into someone’s house and say what’s up bitch” “wanna trade? I’ve got shotgun shells; I’ll take two poke balls. and some angel grace too” “that’s a weird lens choice for that. The picture got less distorted as he went down the stairs. It was weird” “really?” “wouldn’t he already have the gun cocked at that point? He had a weird cocking sound when they were found. Seriously? What the fuck is wrong with you?” “see whenever’s it’s sam’s fault. It’s not the editor’s fault, it’s Sam’s fault” “Don’t lie to her like that” “eardrums destroyed” “that’s good” “like you do” “Michael 1.0 is in the Cage? He’s back on the loose” laughter 

Laughter “it’s absurd” “oh that’s not good” “one problem at a time” “oh he’s fkn dead” “FBI OPEN UP” “lot of screaming for not much throat” “is he going to take the cop?” “sawed off shotgun angel” “they need that for a spell or something?” Yeah they said that

“Ouch” “that would actually kill you” “could you imagine filming that? YOu’re just some make-uped chick in the pond. Holy shit that’s so funny to me. What do you do when the scene is over?” laughter

“It’s so far fetched dude” “he cocked it after the first shot and didn’t need to cock it again. It was ready to go” “are you trapping them all inside or outside?” “oh yeah more self sacrifice. Excellent” “there’s no way he could run that fast and laugh like that at the same time” “might want to keep moving. Spell’s going to fail eventually. Especially these demon ones; they’re kinda shit” “surprised Cas doesn’t have a tie clip” laughter “Thats pretty funny” “you can also go forward and backward. In a 3D maze, you could go upward and downwards, too” “This is just a maze for 90 degree corners too. There are other types of mazes. Like spiral mazes or the corn maze” “hell yeah brother. Let’s do it” “it’s fkn party time”

[thepagemistress]

Saw this floating around and thought I'd do it because why not? (Also I have two AO3 accounts so the answers will incorporate both.)

Fanfiction Q&A

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

128

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

374,590

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now, mostly just Supernatural. I'm not good at multitasking. But I've still got some IT and DBH fics lurking in my WIP folders and there was an OFMD one I wanted to write ages ago that isn't even canon now but fuck it, right?

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

#1 Braver Than You Think - It (1,280)

#2 Or Are Ya Chicken? - Castle (525)

#3 One I posted anonymously for Reasons™️ 😅 (505)

#4 Note to Self - Detroit: Become Human (333)

#5 The Domestication of the Swanman - Supernatural (316)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

*sigh* Not as often as I should. If someone leaves a long comment or an enthusiastic one or asks a question then I'll usually respond. But I don't like that AO3 includes replies in the comment count. I don't like inflating the number by responding to everything.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmm. I guess Eighty-Sixed? My dark version of SPN but I did kind of subvert it right at the end because I'm me.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably Braver Than You Think. My middle finger fuck you to canon deaths!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Hate is a strong word. The one I posted anonymously ended up with ✨️drama✨️ on it because someone accused me of stealing their friend's idea and then some other people swooped in to attack that person and defend me and then some other person said I needed Jesus lol. But other than that one fic, no 😂

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have done but I don't write it nearly as much as I used to and the more I don't write it, the more I don't think I probably can anymore. But I do have some in the back pocket should the mood strike. And it's usually pretty intimate stuff these days. Actually depends on the pairing, I guess. Not really opposed to trying my hand at anything.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

If we're talking actual crossovers and not just AUs, I have written one and that was my Supernatural/Santa Clarita Diet one which was a LOT of fun to write. I do have two other SPN crossover fics on my to-do list that I'm excited to get to eventually 👀

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes! It was forever ago, over on ff.net. I don't even remember how I found out. I think the "author" actually messaged me asking permission to plagiarise my fic even though they'd already done it. But they took my Castle fic, did find & replace on the character names and turned it into a Big Time Rush fic. Absolute shenanigans.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I had someone ask if they could but I don't know if it ever actually happened.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

I have not. I don't know that I'd be able to, tbh. I'm a bit of a control freak when it comes to writing.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

At this point, it probably has to be Destiel, right? It's endured this long. I still look back fondly on all my ships but none make me quite so feral as those two do.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Ugh. I made the mistake of rereading my Reed900 fic the other day and I actually really love it still. But I have no memory of where it was going and no clue where any of my notes are so it's probably dead. There's also my "Richie goes back to Derry to dig Eddie out of Neibolt" fic but I DO still have all my notes for that one so foolishly I keep telling myself maybe one day...

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm good at coming up with novel ideas. Or at least unique approaches to things. And I'm quite good at capturing a character's voice.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

You mean aside from actually...writing? I suck at writing action or setting a scene. I focus so much on dialogue and internal emotions that I don't realise I've never said where anyone is or anything to paint a clear picture.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic.

I've done it a few times but unless I know someone who speaks the language, I don't really like relying on Google Translate to get things right.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Knowingly, it must have been The Monkees. But I was writing self-insert stories when I was a little kid involving Sonic and Bill & Ted and The A-Team...

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

This is an impossible question. I guess Braver Than You Think. Especially because a fic author I'd been following for over a decade commented on it and that was the coolest shit ever.

Please, any writers that see this, go ahead and fill it in and tag me in it! I wanna learn more about your stuff 😊 and I'll specifically tag @ncrrington @maccca-chino @wigglebox @castiel @casdeans-pie but no obligations!

[baconloverdean]

it really sucks that you got caught up in that bitterness from teamfreewill2pointo. having someone be petty and deliberately snide like that can be incredibly disheartening -- we should be able to exist in these fandom spaces without such utterly unnecessary negativity. sending good vibes your way!

Thank you for your lovely mesaage anon!!

Yeah honestly? Usually I try to stay out of these things entirely. I have had my bitter and hurt phase after the finale like most of us, if not all of us did. I was miserable. Back then I kind of rejoiced in sharing that pain with others, admittedly.

But that was years ago now. Was I skeptical about TW when it and its premise where announced? Sure. My first, instinctual reaction was distrust. But then I just. I saw ppl talking about it, read up on things, saw trailers and didn't find it too bad, even dared to err on the side of excitement.

After positive reactions toward the pilot I decided to dip my toe in. And I liked it. Believe me when I say I was the most surprised by my own reaction. As I kept watching I realized something for myself: giving things even half a chance without stubbornly holding onto being bitter and hurt actually let me enjoy things again. And not just TW. I mean things related to SPN and SPN itself. I'm actually on a rewatch, simply to give myself a chance to replace the bitter memory version of it, with watching it with fresh eyes.

Sorry this escalated into a ramble. I'm simply trying to say that yes, we should be able to be positive about the show, or even just positive in general without being painted as the dumb/naive fans who haven't learned their lesson yet or whatever else the negative Nelly lane is putting out there with the bitter take of the day.

I'm pretty sure I have learned plenty overall and have self reflected and reflected about the show(s) more than enough. I simply draw a line at having my words describing a positive journey twisted for negativity and nonsensical comparisons.

Have a good one nonnie! 💜

[angelinthefire]

I posted 1,918 times in 2022

335 posts created (17%)

1,583 posts reblogged (83%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@angelinthefire

@castielcommunism

@restlesshush

@autisticandroids

@valleydean

I tagged 1,672 of my posts in 2022

Only 13% of my posts had no tags

#spn - 1,051 posts

#destiel - 459 posts

#castiel - 329 posts

#self rb - 124 posts

#fanart - 101 posts

#by mi - 100 posts

#dean winchester - 86 posts

#q - 81 posts

#iyb - 76 posts

#lol - 75 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#you make 'blessed is he who comes in the name of the lord' literal in one sex scene and people will want to talk to you about their religio

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Thinking of a version of 13x04 The Big Empty where Mia the shapeshifter therapist offers to appear to Dean as someone he lost, and he looks like he's going to turn her down, but then he hesitates, and gives her this long evaluating look. And then the scene cuts, and you think Mia is going to appear as Mary, because that's who they were talking about before. You see Dean's reaction, and it's this blank kind of shock, because he was expecting to see what he sees, but he didn't realize how it would hit him. And you hear "Hello Dean". And it's Cas. And he doesn't look right, Mia doesn't have his mannerisms, and she doesn't have the outfit, just a plain white button-down and dark slacks, but she looks enough like him. Dean's about to say something, but he can't. He just swallows and grits his jaw and stares. And Mia/Cas says something like "I'm sorry I left you, I know it's hard. But I love you; and that love will stay with you." And you the viewer don't think too too much of the word "love", because Cas has used it before, love like family, love like friends. But anyways, Dean hears that and he frowns, like he's trying to internalize it, he's trying to get some closure out of this, but he can't. He shuts his eyes, with furrowed brows, and he's regretting that he agreed to this at all. And then Mia/Cas moves closer to Dean. She puts her hand on his cheek, and Dean sucks in a breath but he keeps his eyes closed. And then she leans in and kisses him so, so softly. Because she thinks they were like that. And at first Dean trembles at the kiss, but he keeps his eyes closed and lets it happen. Only after a few seconds does he jerk back, wide-eyed, looking terrified. And of course Mia/Cas is immediately worried and sorry that she made a mistake, and she says "Dean--" and is about to apologize. But Dean just turns around and storms out. Dean rushes away from the house, breathing hard like he'd just lost a fight. He gets in the car and slams the door. And his expression collapses, hes looks shattered, and he gasps, shaken and hurting, and tears run down his face.

And that's it. No further discussion or explanation of what happened. No comment from Dean. And then 13x05 Advanced Thanatology happens as normal.

330 notes - Posted December 13, 2022

#4

The thing with s4 deancas is that Dean and Cas have these scenes that are intimate and vulnerable. But they're not necessarily as personal or as much about their relationship as a lot of fanon makes them out to be. Dean and Cas' interactions in s4 are all about the mission and what's going on in the plot, and this developing trust and recognition that they can relate to each other is happening along with that. But the relationship is not what's driving their interactions.

Like, the scene with Dean and Cas in the hospital in 4x16 OtHoaP is the main example of this. Dean is incredibly vulnerable in that scene. And Cas absolves him of blame, and tells him that he knows that their fate rests with Dean. And sometimes you see people interpret that as Cas stating a belief in Dean's goodness. But it's not. It's just Cas stating the facts as he understands them. Which isn't to say that it's not a great scene and a great step in their relationship, it is. Again, Dean is being very vulnerable with Cas. And that Cas is just hanging our at his bedside is a telling thing, imo.

The tension between Dean and Cas in s4 is not about Cas being super into Dean. It's about Dean and Cas testing each other's boundaries, learning who the other is, and slowly building a careful kind of trust and care, that's ultimately put to the test.

They spend the season doing plot stuff while sussing each other out, and then in 4x22 their relationship is what everything suddenly hinges on. Dean's belief that he can convince Cas to do the right thing, Cas' trust in Dean. That's when their relationship bursts out from being the steady undercurrent into being The Important Thing.

And I think that caution, that gradual opening up, that tentative building of trust between Dean and Cas is what makes s4 compelling and what makes their relationship what it is. Moreso than popular fanon interpretations.

425 notes - Posted March 20, 2022

#3

I've said this before but the thing about how destiel played out is that pre- and during 15x18 you can buy that Dean believes that him and Cas are best friends, that he just wants to be platonic best-friends-forever with this guy, and spend all sorts of time together and share all his favourite things with him and know that Cas is never very far away. As friends do.

But after 15x18. Dean processes what Cas said to him. That Cas loves him. Is in love with him. And he makes that part of who he is. He decides to be the man that Cas was in love with. That's what his parting line to Chuck was all about. And maybe he still doesn't think in terms of romance, because why would he, why would he torture himself with hypotheticals, Cas died and Cas loved him. And Dean can be that guy. He holds on to Cas' love. It's his. He makes it part of himself.

So then when he sees Cas again. And he’s confronted with what Cas loving him and wanting him means practically. What can he do? What else can he do besides love Cas back? When Cas' love is already part of him? How could he be anything else but in love with the guy?

837 notes - Posted October 25, 2022

#2

Cas was literally Dean's love interest.

919 notes - Posted March 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

We all remember this post:

Well I wrote a fic inspired by it, and it's finished now and the reviews are good!

See the full post

1,057 notes - Posted November 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[halflingkima]

pre-golden-age era tv is the shit. like the stuff that was good enough to launch us into golden age. like moffat who is so pretentious and up its own ass and arguably the "golden age" version of who but does it hold a candle to davies 1.0? absolutely not.

((same way spn s1-5 kicked absolute ass but were technically pre-golden-age bc they were nearly strict motw but then it was so beloved it carried on into golden age which is when it sucked ass))

[chiisana-sukima]

And if you're a being of heaven then why would you be designed to need growth.

I can't answer this about real life, since I'm not Jewish or Christian, but in spn the answer is "because God is an abusive father". God is John, and Michael is Dean, and Lucifer is Sam, and Heaven is a series of hotel rooms where you're trained to be a killer and expected to faithfully profess that your only purpose is to serve in the eternal war against Evil, and the Cage is the panic room.

Everything else in spn is secondary to that metaphor, but even beyond that, we know that Heaven is a Kingdom of Torture and Hell is a Kingdom of Torture and one is not better than the other. The angels are all consigned to either rebel and be hunted and punished, like Anna and Cas and Uriel, or be part of the dictatorial line of succession, like Michael and Raphael and Zachariah. In real life, solitary confinement is torture. Heaven is vindictive and practices torture. Lucifer is the leader of the rebellion against the dictatorship that is Heaven. QED.

Later in canon there are a couple episodes where tptb directly acknowledge they know that solitary confinement alone and in the absence of any other form of aversive conditions is torture, but you don't really need that direct acknowledgement to know that in the early years, before the writing got flat, you were supposed to have sympathy for Lucifer, even though he is the enemy.

It's basically just a skill issue on Lucifer's part.

Is it?

This is, I think, the place where it's especially hard to be a Dean girl (gn). Sam fans could choose to carry this belief through to the finale if they wanted to and still have a coherent story to love, because Sam is relatively well-protected by the narrative from becoming a primary perpetrator of family violence (although by no means perfectly) or its metaphorical correlates.

But Dean very much is not. If Lucifer has no excuse, then Dean also has no excuse. Dean hasn't been even marginally okay since he went to Hell, was subjected to torture and succumbed. (I mean, he wasn't okay beforehand either, but he's really not okay afterwards). He'll never shake his status as a victim/perpetrator. He has arguably been more harmful to his loved ones already by s4 than John ever was, and by the end of spn it's not even arguable. You'll be to season 9 soon and be faced with the fact that spn has compared possession to rape many times and will continue to do so, and then the question of whether Lucifer should have been expected to do better will be even more acute.

I want to be clear here that I love Dean with all my heart. I don't particularly care for later canon's version of Lucifer, but I love OP's version of Lucifer, and I do love canon Dean straight through to the end even though he's unambiguously abusive, just as Lucifer is. My rl family sucks and I love them and am not ashamed of it, and spn is one of the very few places you can go to see that reflected in a story and not framed as weakness. (I've been no contact with my father for 45 years, but he's still my father. I love him. I talk daily to my mom, who was also abusive, and I adore her. She was a shit parent, but she's a good friend.)

I think for me in the end the whole thing comes down to how much you're willing and/or able to ignore about the text as a whole in order to get what you want/need out of the individual parts. If there's a line that starts with "I don't feel comfortable ignoring any of it" on one side and "I can ignore anything I don't like" on the other, you'll get the most incisive--but also the most angering/depressing--meta from the people closest to the "won't/can't ignore any of it" point on the line.

OP has an incredible talent in that he is both far towards the "won't ignore anything" side of the line and yet can also make something positive and joyous of that perspective. This particular piece of meta isn't a happy one, but I think it has its own kind of joy in it because it's full of radical acceptance of both the self and others. OP knows that there are conditions under which he would not do better than Lucifer and he accepts it and himself. There are conditions under which I would not do better too. There are conditions under which you would not do better as well. No one is exempt.

we’re putting you in a featureless empty room, no windows, no doors, and never taking you out again. actually, this is your second time in there, you got to leave for a few minutes, but you’re back and you don’t get to leave again. for certain, this time. there’s nothing in this room. there is only you and this mouse. the mouse has done nothing wrong to you, except maybe bite you because you scared it one time. but it’s the only other thing in the room. how long do you think you would last.

and you know, maybe you think you’re a good person. and maybe you don’t like mice specifically, but this mouse, you like this one, it bit you but you like it.

it’s the only other thing in the room. you don’t get to leave.

so let’s say five minutes. five months. five years. fifty. five hundred. five thousand. how long do you think you can last. maybe you talk to the mouse. maybe you pet the mouse. maybe you try to be kind to the mouse.

it’s the only other thing in the room. you don’t get to leave.

it’s the mouse’s fault you’re in here, by the way. if it hadn’t bit you, maybe you’d still be free. you don’t blame it. it’s a mouse, and it was scared, and it didn’t understand, not really, you wanted it to but it didn’t. it hurt you, but you forgave it.

it’s the only other thing in the room. you don’t get to leave.

maybe you don’t think of yourself as a good person. maybe you know you are something broken and that’s why you’re in this room. and the mouse is the reason you’re in this room. it knows what you are. it knows better than anyone. it knows, and it put you in this room. you wanted to be kind to the mouse.

how long do you think you could last. you don’t actually get to know how much time has passed. you could count, but that’s not how it works. for you, or for the mouse.

it’s the only other thing in the room. you don’t get to leave.

how long until you hurt the mouse. you apologize. you didn’t mean to. but it squeaks and screams. that’s new. it has been so long since you had anything new. because there’s nothing but you and the mouse and you have been kind to the mouse but it has run out of things to tell you and games to play and ways to react to you.

you hurt the mouse again.

it’s the only other thing in the room. you don’t get to leave.

you are not a good person. you know this. and you don’t like mice, anyway. you don’t like this one. you never have. you never have. you need to hurt it. it put you in this room. everything wrong with you is the mouse’s fault. it has to be. because it can’t be your fault. if it’s your fault, there’s nothing you can do, there’s nothing you can change, but if the mouse is the problem? you can hurt the mouse.

you feel like you have been in this room your entire life. the mouse only just got here. it has no idea how good it has it.

you torture the mouse. you break its bones. and you tear its tail off. and you skin it. and you eat it. and it comes back, good as new.

because it’s the only other thing in the room. and it doesn’t get to leave you.

and you’re going to run out of things to do again. you will. you don’t get to leave and there’s only so much pain that can be novelly inflicted. but right now, you can hurt the mouse.

you never liked the mouse. you were only kind to it to trick it into trusting you, so that you could hurt it. you can tell yourself this forever. you and the mouse. because it’s the only other thing in the room. and neither of you get to leave. so one day, you’ll both believe it.

you were kind to the mouse, though. you loved it.

you keep killing the mouse.

and then someone takes the mouse away from you.

you are alone in the room. and you don’t get to leave.

you think this is your punishment for hurting the mouse. you accept it.

time passes. time passes. time passes. you don’t get to leave. there’s nothing in the room but you.

the mouse deserved it. the mouse put you here, and it abandoned you, and you can’t accept a punishment that won’t end. not that you can do anything about it. you don’t get to leave.

you were supposed to be trapped here together, and instead, it’s free and you aren’t and it’s a mouse. all you ever did was what was expected of you. it’s a mouse, and it bit you, and broke the rules, and it doesn’t have to be punished anymore. but you do. there’s something wrong with you. you’re worse than the mouse ever could be, no matter what you do, and you always will be, and you always have, and that’s why all you feel like you’ve ever known is this fucking room.

you hate the mouse. and when you get your hands on it again, you’re going to make it pay for every second you had to be alone.

but you won’t. you know that. because you don’t get to leave.

(until you do)

[ladyluscinia]

Lady's SPN Rewatch

I'm going for it! This will be my first rewatch of Supernatural, every episode from the Pilot (technically already completed) to that unsatisfying Buckleming finale 15x19 Inherit the Earth.

(So weird that they didn't air an episode after that with Dabb's vision for how the character arcs should wrap up, but I guess I'll just have to infer from the rest of his work.)

I'm doing a writer focus because I'm fascinated by writer meta and feel it's about time I primary source this shit. My watch order breakdown is in this post, and I'll go into more on my initial thoughts and observations below the cut.

On this blog, I probably will do at least one overarching meta post per writer when I have conclusions to, well, post, but I've also been considering making a sideblog to put the raw data notes from every episode. No idea what url I'd use, though...

Anyway!

First off - just to have this written down somewhere - I'm taking a pretty standard analytical approach that what was actually aired on screen is the primary source for analysis, and any additional information is secondary but of interest. This includes commentary, scripts, deleted scenes, etc. Since I'm trying to infer writer intent it's probably more relevant than in other meta analysis, but also this is Supernatural. Just because they did something on accident and gave an interview about a different intent doesn't change that I saw the former and not the latter.

Word of God can back up a theory or provide hints when I'm building one, but I'm not going to pretend I see how X is about Y just because there's a snippet of interview where someone said it was. Also I care even less what the actors have said things were about. Those 3 CW men are all crazy, and I'm not going to try and interpret them.

Analysis Focus

I've got a template document for notes, because that's the kind of person I am. Current sections and subsections:

"Episode Notes"

"Season Arcs"

"Character Arcs" - with subsections for "Dean", "Sam", "Cas", and "Side Characters"

"Writer Arcs" - for consistent themes that show up in a particular writer's eps, including a subsection for "Destiel Truthing Level"

"Episode Highlights"

"Red Flags" - for tracking when the shitty stuff is a pattern for some writers as best I can

"Other Notes"

Initial Impressions

Obviously I've read more than a little writer meta, so I'm watching out for things people have discussed. I've got little initial thoughts blurbs that aren't particularly notable, but I did find something else interesting in prep.

So as part of organizing episodes I ended up putting them all in a chart, and it's fascinating how having a visual makes you spot patterns of importance. Showrunners usually do the premieres and finales - which isn't surprising - but they tend to have the same people lead into and out of their episodes too - which I hadn't really noticed before. It can make it really clear who is getting to shape the season storyline, whether due to trust or seniority.

(Unfortunately, 15 images is more than tumblr will let me put here, so I'll just describe observations and then reblog this to put the charts themselves in the notes.)

Kripke's second-in-command from Day 1 was Gamble and she really drove his seasons, writing or tying for the most eps and almost always landing the slots adjacent to his. S3-S5 really play around, with Carver, Edlund, and later Dabb & Loflin all getting to flex on story (which is probably a sign of really cohesive writers room).

Gamble doesn't seem to know who she trusts, with Edlund, Dabb & Loflin, and Glass all shifting generally around the role she used to fill. Singer even steps in to co-write twice, out of four times in the entire series.

Carver unsurprisingly leans heavy on Dabb, who drops Loflin (who I will be looking at via negative space in Dabb's eps more than anything). Edlund only gets 3 eps in S8, but 08x21 alone definitely indicates some creative clout. Buckleming shoots to prominence fast, however, for a couple of standalones in S7, and once Edlund is gone they are the undisputed #3. Nepotism, people. It pays.

Dabb starts taking over in S11, and while Buckleming stays important he also notably elevates Berens, co-writing an ep and giving him the 11x22 slot over them. The S12-S15 writers room is the most consistent and Dabb more involved than other showrunners were, but this probably comes at the cost of Singer running things in the background and elevating Buckleming more. They get every 2nd / semi-final ep in Dabb era except 12x22, which again goes to Berens (who Dabb's favor puts solidly in the #3 role).

Dabb era also has a lot of fun diagonals visually, where it looks like they just had a set rising and falling order for assigning writers and didn't mix it up very much. Though that could just be the order of the columns making it stand out.

Now that I'm seeing hints of who got to guide things, I'm really looking forward to connecting some dots.

[bi-john-watson]

bbc sherlock is my favourite sherlock holmes adaptation, not in the way that it’s qualitatively the best (not by a long shot), but in the way that I find the queer potential and the relationship it has with its fanbase the most compelling …

[onlymingyus]

Trick o' Treat

pairing; jeonghan x afab reader

genre; smut, supernatural

warnings; trickster!jeonghan, oral (f receiving) fingering, food play i guess, mention of edging and orgasm denial, jeonghan making the reader see him pleasuring her 

w/c; 960 and some change 

13 days of mars’oween master list - day 12

a/n; based on spn’s version of a trickster because sweets and playful horny nature   

Jeonghan smirked, watching you writhe on the bed for him, the lollipop lazily perched between his lips as you moaned. “You sound so fucking pretty for me. Does that feel good, hm? When I do that?” You nod and Jeonghan laughs, leaning his head back on the chair watching. He wasn’t doing anything, not really but it felt like he was, it looked to you like he was. 

To you, he was between your legs, his fingers buried in your dripping pussy up to his last knuckle. His mouth was resting next to your clit breathing softly against the sensitive bundle of nerves while you whined for him. “Oh I bet it does baby, but wouldn’t it be nice if it was real?” 

You whine in confusion as the orgasm is ripped from you. You had been so close again, that was the second one Jeonghan had denied you tonight while between your legs but when you glanced down at him, he was nowhere to be found. Instead you glance to your bedside finding the Trickster running his tongue around the lollipop he held between his fingers. 

“Why?” An amused sound escapes Jeonghan’s lips as he holds the white stick to point the sweet out at you as he answers your question. “Because I can, and because you were still enjoying yourself. You are dripping onto your bed angel. Were you not having fun? Are you upset with me for tricking you?” Jeonghan watches you pout, your thighs closing making him sigh before he puts the lollipop back into his mouth moving from his chair to start removing his pants, the only remaining piece of clothing he had left on. 

“I don’t like your tricks all the time.” Jeonghan raises a brow and smirks around the candy while kicking his pants and underwear away before he moves to his knees on the bed towards you. “You don’t?” His voice is muffled around the lollipop before he takes it out to speak more clearly. “But it’s all hallows’ eve, my sweet, so I have to ask, Trick o’ Treat?” 

You can’t help but to smirk at the creature in front of you watching him closely as he taps your knees for you to separate your legs, which you do willingly letting his eyes drink in your swollen lips. “Treat.”

Jeonghan grins at your answer before sucking on the lollipop again with a nod. “Then let me give you your treat for dealing with all my tricks.” 

There has to be some witty comeback for all of his silly words, you think, but when Jeonghan lays on the bed between your thighs for real, you find yourself speechless. “Now let’s see what tastes sweeter, you or the candy.” You feel the sticky lollipop brush over your folds before Jeonghan’s tongue follows the same path causing you to whine into a louder moan. Your hands moving to grip at the sheets under you, eyes focused on the beautiful man groaning between your legs. 

“Mmm baby I don’t know, can you hold this for me?” You try to answer and catch your breath but you nod reaching for the stick of the lollipop holding it with a shaking hand before Jeonghan causes you to almost scream his name. His mouth latches on to your clit as his thumbs hold you open for him letting your arousal seep from you like nectar that he quickly chases just a moment later. 

“Jeonghan…oh my god.” He laughs against your soft pussy, nuzzling his face again before his eyes meet yours once again. “Try again.” You shake your head making him grin as he reaches for the candy, taking it back only to lick it and bring it to your folds tapping it against your clit. Jeonghan watches as you put your hand over your face at the sticky feeling. His mouth curled into a smirk while he drags the lollipop down to your entrance, collecting your cum on the sweet candy. 

You watch, biting at your fingers as he sucks your cum from the candy with a sinful groan before repeating the process but instead of bringing the candy to his mouth he offers it to you this time. “I can’t decide, you tell me angel. Which is sweeter?” Jeonghan watches your lips so he can slide the lollipop between them. 

You feel yourself clench around nothing when you taste yourself on the candy. A muffled moan escapes your lips making Jeonghan bite into his own as he watches you, nodding. “I think it’s you too. Now be a good girl and suck on that while I enjoy you.” He doesn’t wait for you to nod or speak instead he slides back down and his mouth latches on to you. 

Jeonghan had lived a very long time but watching you orgasm was probably one of the best things he had ever experienced. The sound of your moans, the way you whined, your hands gripping the bedding and his hair. The taste of your cum on his tongue as your back arched pushing your hips towards his mouth. You were the 8th Wonder of the World. 

When you finally start to come down from your orgasm, Jeonghan grins against you. His mouth not moving just yet, his eyes only meeting yours when he runs his tongue from your entrance to your clit making you whine and kick your legs from overstimulation. “I could do that all fucking night. Come here.” 

Jeonghan pulls you up to him so you are sitting, taking the candy from your mouth so he can kiss you. His tongue sliding along yours with a groan to the taste of your cum and the candy filling his mouth and yours. You really were sweeter than candy. 

——————————————————

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please note that I am doing my best to tag all of you who have filled out the tag list form but tumblr won’t let me tag some of you. I think that is because either you have tags turned off or possibly a blank tumblr page. consider reblogging some of the fics you like from me or other writers. ♥ also know if i'm not tagging properly i'm doing my best there's alot going on with mars'oween right now

© onlymingyus - all rights reserved. Reposting/modifying of any fic, or pieces of original writings posted on this blog is not allowed. Translations not allowed. 

[castielcommunism]

I don’t mean this in a “I want to start fights with people” way, but I genuinely don’t get the strain of argument on here that the show itself is especially punishing towards Dean or that he’s treated unfairly compared to other characters.

Like usually the order of operations goes: someone will say dean is the POV character of the show, and his interpretation of events, his emotional state, and his needs are privileged above other characters. Someone will then respond and say this isn’t true and basically argue the opposite, citing character assassination (either deliberate or accidental depending on who you ask), especially in dabb era, as a big source for this argument. Like, he’s written as intentionally bad or malicious in a way that is OOC and casts him in a negative light by virtue of him doing XYZ awful thing. So he’s “punished” by the writers by being written as out of character.

And so like I said I don’t really get this framing very much? At least, when I say “supernatural is The Dean Show” I mean basically that - he is privileged above other characters. He gets more screen time, more character-centric arcs and episodes, more nuance, etc. This is especially true when comparing him to Cas, but I think it also holds true when comparing him to Sam (and I don’t think saying “Sam has nothing to do and very little personality in the later seasons” is a generally controversial statement? Like I love Sam but I agree with this, he’s given very little to do and it sucks).

And Supernatural does regularly punish its characters! Nobody can be happy. They get Mary back, she dies. They get Cas back, he dies and comes back and dies again. All their friends die, either because of Sam and Dean’s choices or by pure tragic circumstances. Jack dies. Dean has a breakthrough moment in season 3 where he ostensibly realises his father is an asshole and regrets devoting so much of his time and energy to him, only for the brothers to go on to praise their dad for virtually the rest of the show. These guys are not allowed to have long term happiness or catharsis. They are not allowed to grow.

So where my confusion lies is like, all the main characters on spn perpetually have a bad time. They’re all punished, both fairy and not, for their actions (Cas especially, he’s always failing and fucking up, which forms the basis of a lot of conflict in the show - godstiel and casifer to name a couple big ones). I think it’s also true that Dean is generally proven correct by his own assumptions, and when he’s not (ie, him thinking Jack is a monster for example), there’s no real reckoning moment where he’s like oh shit I just did this awful thing and was wrong, I need to go reflect on my actions and then become a better person. People might call him out for his shitty behaviour but nothing really comes of it. Like I can’t really watch spn without noticing that Dean is the de facto protagonist and occupies a special space in the narrative that other main characters don’t. He also holds power over Sam and Cas - he is almost always in the driver’s seat, both literally in the Impala and narratively in the story. There’s even a post on here joking that we need to invent a version of the bechdel test to measure how many conversations in the show don’t reference or relate back to Dean somehow.

And then ALSO another important thing is that like I don’t hate Dean for this lol. I just think it’s boring and bad writing. There are a lot of very good posts on here talking about how the show would be better if he were a deuteragonist. Asking how the show would shake out if he were de-prioritised and we got more arcs dedicated to exploring Cas and Sam is, I think, a genuinely interesting question, but you have to accept the premise that Dean is privileged in the narrative in order to ask that question.

So tl;dr I guess my point is like, every guy on spn is punished and tortured by the narrative, and Dean is the principle character of the show that every character arc eventually bends towards. And I think because of that, as much as his suffering is highlighted more and given more space (because he is, again, the protagonist - we don’t see Sam crying alone in a field because Mary died, for example), he’s also given more opportunities to be correct and is generally favoured on a narrative level even if the text of the show is punishing him for doing something. So I don’t really get what people mean when they say “Dean is unfairly punished” above and beyond the general punishment that happens on the show to every character

[quillquiver]

On SPN, Burying Your Gays, and Being Heard

I am shaking, I feel sick, I feel like I’m insane. And did I run a little wild with the theories? You bet. But you know what didn’t help? The botched clusterfuck that was this entire goddamn finale debacle. How was I supposed to believe anything they said in panels when M&G dialogue would leak saying the exact opposite? How was I supposed to grieve and move on when there was nothing from the cast and crew? Nobody said anything! And any info leaked just destabilized what we already knew or directly contradicted what we’d been told. In light of that, how was I supposed to trust anything anyone said? One rogue translator reciprocated the love confession and I was practically sold, because there were so many questions surrounding the English text that this was something good, something that logically fit, and something I wanted to hold onto. 

Because they hurt me. This is about so much more than one episode or a ship; for years queer fans have seen ourselves in these characters and been told that we were crazy. That we were reading too much into it. I’m not sure how people get upset and offended when a storyline that doesn’t exist... doesn’t exist! said Guy Bee (2013). And then, after all of that, they turned around and said magnanimously, you have your version, I have mine... and that’s okay. But it’s not okay. It’s not okay, because that doesn’t erase what came before - that doesn’t erase the baiting and the gaslighting, and that invalidates everything we felt in the time leading up to that episode. It gave them an open window for all the subtext that came after. It allowed them to brush us off.

And then we got Cas’s love confession. I watched that scene about 500 times. Added to the rest of the season - to the fandom avatar being presented as successful and intelligent, to arc being the death of the author - I felt seen. Really seen, by a show that made it its mission to erase me. I had been okay with Cas dying at first because I had been sure the romance arc would carry through. I had been convinced that after everything, there was no way they would give that to us and then take it away.

But they did, because this is Supernatural. To anyone saying this is not bury your gays, I implore you to read up on the Hays Code. This link is to an amazing queer history podcast and the episode that covers it. In short, the Hays Code was a legal document that came about in 20th Century Hollywood during the puritanical war on the American entertainment industry,  and it stipulated what was not allowed on screen. Not all of it was queer - there’s a whole section about kissing - but what the Code is most remembered for is that queerness was not allowed on screen. But queer people are resilient, and so they started testing the waters... and it turned out that you could in fact code queerness into a narrative, as long as it was subtextual, or as long as the queer character died/was punished, or both. The point is that the character is not allowed to live their truth openly. They are buried, either in the ground or punished in the narrative. The former is normally what we refer to these days, because the latter just doesn’t really happen anymore.

Until Supernatural. 

Castiel is immediately punished for speaking his truth - and please don’t tell me he leveraged that punishment and so he had agency. Literally the only thing that could make him happy was confessing his feelings, and so the Empty deal was directly related to this idea of queerness-as-punishment. That being said, Bobo wrote a beautiful scene. Cas’s confession was a love letter to queerness and coming out... but everything that came after buried him. Castiel may have ended the series alive but he was effectively written out of the last two episodes, and that means that he actually never really got to live his truth. He was silenced by the narrative - that is punishment. 

Dean is a whole other can of worms. Does one rogue translator confirm canon bi!Dean? Or do we have to read our own version of the text? The fact that we even have to ask these questions firmly places us in the realm of queerbaiting. Were the writers trying to get bi!Dean approved but were unable to? I have no idea, but queerbaiting requires proof that the writers encouraged a reading they had no intent of following through on, and we certainly don’t lack in evidence of that. Not from this writers room, but from those of previous eras. Did these writers try? They might have, but the funny thing about queerbaiting discourse is that there has never been a show to bait this long, and I’m making the call that even if you tried at the end, you baited me with half the ship and all the years that came before. 

Of course, the narrative leaves open the possibility of bi!Dean so if you do read the show that way, that means Dean also falls into the bury your gays category; if you read the show this way - which many of us do - the mere suggestion that Dean Winchester was bisexual was enough to punish him. And he was punished. We’ve all written extensively on this, but he was given a random death, on a case his father never finished. All that growth, all that time spent having him accept himself, love himself, that was all taken away. He died the way he always thought he would: as a tool, in service of his father, protecting his brother. He had always believed he’d been a body to throw on the sword and in the end that’s all he was. And when he gets to Heaven? He’s also silenced. He barely speaks in the episode except to monologue during his death, and that is 100% Sam-centric. He is scared. 

It was horrific to watch. I sobbed so hard my roommate was seriously concerned. 

I had been fully prepared for Supernatural to end disappointingly. I had figured everything would end with a huge heaven reunion because white, straight, cis-male S&F writers love the idea of death as a reward, but instead of being disappointed I felt like I had witnessed a slaughter. Every single one of the queer themes intrinsic to the show: found family, resilience, speaking your truth... were gone. And I know we’ve talked about this too, but it bears repeating, because in doing this, in writing the queerness out of its narrative, Supernatural effectively looked every one of us queer folx in the eye and said: you are not important. You don’t matter. All of that stuff that came before is all good and well, but what really matters at the end of all things is blood family. It’s two brothers in a car. Life sucks but at least we get to die and go to paradise - real paradise, that your angel buddy died for and then made for you and who we never hear from again.

I felt insane. I felt cheated. I felt humiliated. I felt devastated. I still feel all those things, but listen to me. You have been heard. Not by Misha Collins, who is a great guy, but doesn’t get it. Not by Jensen Ackles, who is a similarly great guy, but also just doesn’t understand. And not by anyone else who worked on this show. 

You know who heard you? Me. The people who follow me. The people who follow you. We saw each other, and heard each other, and we gave each other a leg up. We made memes. We wrote fic. We drew fanart. We made gifs. All for ourselves and all for each other. We broke Tumblr multiple times. We donated over $60,000 USD to multiple different causes. We got multiple hashtags trending at multiple different points, and today kept it up because we demanded answers and then we got them. There were at least 5 articles written about the show today. We made that happen. We made people listen. 

Supernatural didn’t deserve me, and it didn’t deserve you. It didn’t deserve Dean. It didn’t deserve Cas. It didn’t deserve Misha and Jensen. But this show ended with a bleak, awful message and we turned around and showed them that love is loud. So what about all of this is real?

We are.

[self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2]

Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 12x08 LOTUS

“Alright here we go” “eat the rich” “Doctor. Doctor” “Doctor. Doctor” “never heard of him” “I wonder what changed. They used to not show the beer label” “Don’t bother with an umbrella or anything. Just get the suit wet. Let’s rub water all into the wool” “I feel like if you’re going to pick the lock, you wouldn’t knock first, but what do I know” “Does the church still bother with exorcisms today?” “oh he’s dead already. That’s cool” “I’d like to know how that conversation went. Does he say that he’s Lucifer or just an angel?” “why is his hand not on fire yet?” “Cas scrolls that phone like an old man” “clearly” laughter

“There’s a lot of lint on that camera sensor” “hot” “I wonder how one goes about extracting essence.” “solar panels. A hedge” laughter “good god” “He’s always raining on her parade” “good god they have issues” “not ominous at all” “what a weird thing to say” “COCKS because he cocked his gun” “some men of letters bullshit?” “might want to move their car” “Fkn ketch-up and mustard” “Doesn’t Dean have a grenade launcher of his own?” “that was one helluva a way to say maybe” laughter

“That’s a cool trick” “how is she not passed out yet? And how has the fire alarm gone out yet?” “what the hell” “the president’s version of that vehicle would have double paned glass at a minimum” “secret room inside the closet or what?” “the fuck are we watching?” “he didn’t go in the egg. That sucks” “but he didn’t go in the egg?” “Better clean out those ducts” “well that sucks. How are they going to get out of this one?” “oh shit. It’s already over”

[mmtions]

ok, ok, ok, listen... what if buck just goes "imma be the best platonic husband my best friend could ever ask for because i want to give him all the things and also that way neither of us will be left alone ever again. feelings no what feelings pffft" only he goes about it in a really stealthy way because no way can they ever have a conversation about this, so over the course of like a month he very slowly and very intentionally moves in and takes on more and more spousal/parental duties and eddie doesn't realise until he's taking his dirty dinner plate, kissing him and going: "thanks for dinner, carino, it was delicious" what then.

Kristen Reidel, bestie, i thought we weren't sharing season 6a plans yet????

but yes in all seriousness i love you keep the ideas coming. i absolutely think buck no-homo's his way into a marriage. if i hadn't already written an spn version of this plot, i would write this for buddie. buck literally gets them both rings just because he thought he saw them in a jewellers and thought eddie would look nice with one and then obviously he needs to match his best bud. he helps to decorate eddie's room and gives himself a drawer, bedside table, and space for his protein powder in eddie's closet (that eddie hates that he keeps there.) he starts giving maddie relationship advice and "we've actually been really strict about christopher's screentime and he's such an avid reader - has jee-yun started reading yet? no? Christopher had started reading by her age i'm pretty sure" while maddie's wine glass is about to snap in her hand.

anyway exactly what you wrote happens but I will disagree a little bi because, very importantly, buck is actually not at all subtle but eddie is like 'oh my god he loves me so much he's not going to force me into a conversation about my feelings - we're all good. we're married. sorted.' and also 'buck is so considerate of not pushing me while i'm still working out my sexuality - i mean he could kiss me a bit. but maybe he's going through his own sexuality thing.' [also important: when he's having this internal monologue buck is furiously masturbating in the shower because he and eddie went to the farmers market that morning and eddie tried homemade jam by sucking it off his own fingers]. and eddie's like 'you know what im gonna be more affectionate he's such a good husband and gives him the kiss on a cheek.' leading to the carino moment.