#(every single time i revisit this scene and when i get to the end of it 🙂

[weebsinstash]

hey, can I have more husband and wife family dynamics with thragg? maybe more about her pregnancy or the kids' childhood/baby time?

Sure can! It's been pretty fun writing about potential scenarios where this monstrous piece of shit can actually feel love. First and foremost I was watching a video on YouTube going over this scene again and uh Comic Readers KNOW How Fucked This Man Is. um, out of context vague spoilers but, I'm assuming people asking about Thragg have read the comics or are curious about the comics but like yall Need To Know how he treats the kids of his enemies

I feel like I need to share/remind people of this scene because like, this man can be kind of hard to pin down. He's from this loveless society that sees kindness as weakness and he's like King Dickhead but there are still times when he can be quite courteous, even apologetic, sarcastic, whatever. I think at the end of the day he's just a very selfish, explosive, emotionally impulsive man but revisiting this scene was a little surprising for me since I forgot he was even like, capable of "small kindnesses" like saying sorry or whatever. Like. Is him wiping her tears while smearing blood all over her face a well intentioned accident or is he like waging psychological warfare on this like, i think she's literally 5 years old. What is the purpose of him apologizing to a child for splashing blood of her family member on her when he intends to kill her or leave her for dead in front of her dying parents anyways. I'm still trying to get a feel on this man

THAT BEING SAID, moving on, we're talking about a yandere Thragg today and thankfully that comes with perks

- it's pretty obvious but like, you are his favorite mate and your children are his favorite children. I like to think of concepts with Reader being Ursaal and Onaan's mother or even the previously mentioned triplet idea with Mark being their sibling (otherwise I'd have to invent new characters and that doesn't, resonate the same, and I also really like Ursaal actually and I feel like there's some real story potential in Ursaal discovering more of her humanity through her mother's kindness and wanting to protect her mother from her father)

-can you imagine like. I still think about the idea where you're actually Nolan's mate but one day you mouth off to Thragg and he "puts you in your place" in front of Nolan as a punishment to you both and like a month later you find out you're pregnant and, I imagine abortions are only done on Viltrum if the fetus is too weak or defective, so you're forced to carry it and you and Nolan are lying that it's his and then one day Thragg just, passes by, sees your swelling tummy, takes one sniff of you, "it's mine" and demands a paternity test. And you'd think, "oh surely he'd just take the baby" which is what you'd prefer but, no it becomes a pretext for him to steal you from Nolan altogether

-you're fed incredibly nutrient dense, protein packed, ultimate pregnancy food because Thragg wants those babies as healthy as possible. Thragg has probably had other alien kids before but these are his first hybrid or nearly fully Viltrumite children and that makes them special. New dad Thragg holding up these little absolute mammoths of newborns with all their chunk and pudge and rolls and he's just so proud, "look at how robust these children are! Surely they have inherited my strength! Fine additions to the Viltrum Empire were born on this day" and you're like half awake in bed and he just, pets your hair

-ok just. Ok just picture it like. You're pregnant and upset and so stressed out because you didn't want to be Nolan's mate after he helped conquer Earth but at least you had known him and liked him initially. You're just constantly stressed out and angry and watching every single word you say around Thragg because you don't know him or what he's capable of, but I imagine a sort of scenario where he's taking you to the doctor and running tests and procedures and just, you know prenatal checkup stuff, but the doctors are all speaking to Thragg instead of you, you aren't even being told your own test results, and the two of you finally arrive back home and you just break down crying and kind of tear into him, "I'm sure YOU have had lots of kids before but I'VE never had a baby before and I don't know what to expect or what's going to happen or- or -" and you're just bawling because, it's not a lie you're scared. You're having a baby and you're gonna be a new mom and it's entirely against your will, out of your control, and that's incredibly stressful. And this becomes a moment where Thragg actually shows some humanity by sitting you down and discussing the doctors visit with you, and that's one of the first times the two of you actually have a civil, extended conversation

Thragg thinking he's so fucking big and tough and then he sees you this little fragile fleshy untrained civillian with the big teary boo hoo eyes with your shaking hands on your little belly as you cry about being scared about giving birth to his baby and he's just, "shit I DO have feelings" and immediately feels the overwhelming need to comfort you. He'll comfort you under the guise of "stress isn't good for the children" which is true but, it's him blanketing his own concern and masking it under an excuse

-I kind of feel like that hypothetical event would be like, a footnote in your relationship. He starts treating you differently, attentive in new ways, more... emotional ways. He'll stop by while he's working on a break or something to check on with you and the assigned caretakers he has guarding you (because the very second you're confirmed pregnant you have 24/7 security) and he'll awkwardly grunt out questions about, have you eaten yet, are you experiencing any pain today, any discomfort, any new symptoms. He'll check in with your guards/nannies privately about if there's anything you're doing that he needs to know about, give tou a nice husbandly shoulder touch and then (reluctantly) getting back to work

-to be blunt part of me questions if he even has sex to create children or if he uses something akin to IVF and I only say this because of the absolute ASSEMBLY LINE he sets up on Thraxia. Trust me though he beats the kitty up with you CONSTANTLY

-I actually think after giving birth is like the ONE time you're allowed any birth control because apparently if you have too many pregnancies in too close time frames it actually sucks the calcium out of your bones and can give you osteoarthritis and Thragg wants you healthy, "for more future children obviously" which is such a lie because let's say you have your miracle birth of giving him twins or triplets or whatever but you hemmorage and become infertile or whatever. Mf is STILL keeping you around. When you think about it he technically doesn't even need you to help raise his children, he has people for that, but he forces you to be part of the process anyways

- tbh I kind of like the idea of Thragg developing some weird fucking like complex where he discovers he feels comforted cuddling you, like man gets hit by oxytocin like a fucking freight train, and it becomes him literally being unable to sleep without you in his arms. You could be in a yelling screaming argument with this man and he suddenly like, just completely shuts you down, "ENOUGH!! I require rest and I won't tolerate anymore of your childish whining!" And you could be spitting mad at him and he's just, picking you up just physically picks you up and drags you to bed anyways. Hooks his arms around your waist as the big spoon and buries his face in your hair even as you spit insults about how you hope he kills himself

Like I think I've mentioned this idea with other characters before but imagine Thragg waking up on the middle of the night IMMEDIATELY PISSED because the bed beside him is cold and he finds you on the couch, on the couch, maybe even without blankets and visibly uncomfortable, because yeah he WILL wake you up to drag you back to bed with him.

- Thragg being this warrior who literally watched people be disembowled and tortured and conquered races but suddenly you're in labor and he's in the delivery room (he refuses to wait outside) watching you literally scream in pain and he just, takes your hand and tells you to squeeze, and that it'll be alright, and he sees you so vulnerable and scared and emotional and you're looking to him for some kind of help but he can't, even with all his strengths and feats he can't help you right now, however this pregnancy goes is up to fate and the doctors and he feels like an actual visceral HUMBLING sense of helplessness that just makes him, even more obsessively protective over you

- deadass if it becomes a "he can only save one: you or the children" life-threatening pregnancy scenario, he chooses you. Says you can always try again but even if you wind up infertile and "useless" to him, he's too attached to you at this point, it doesn't matter if you "don't serve a function" or whatever bullshit Viltrumite mindset he may have had with previous mates before. You're different to him, and you're making HIM different as a person

- You're just half alive on the couch because Giving Birth is Hard and here's Thragg doing shit like personally bringing you water, feeling your forehead for any fever, monitoring your condition, aggressively interrogating your guards for extra info, sitting beside you with your babies in his arms. He lets you rest after giving birth and nearly bends over backwards

- I feel like at some point you're forced to accept a lot of real fucked up stuff and especially if you are a hybrid Vultrimite yourself and thus will be with Thragg for, basically forever, like some real "mate, do you have any cravings today. What do the children require" "ummm... at the ceremony last month, there was that... blue, little.... crab thing?" "A Florkian. They are incredibly rare" "oh... I'm sorry, I didn't know-" " -and since I observed that you were fond of the taste when you were consuming them, I went ahead and conquered their homeworld and farms have been established. I can have the slaves prepare a dish for you right away" "oh, thank you, ive been craving it ever since i ate it but i didnt want to bother by asking 🥰" "as your mate it is my duty to provide for you. Do not keep any of your desires from me"

- your children are getting trained as soldiers the second they develop powers and that's something you'll have to get used to. If your little babies get their powers at 5, they're still learning combat, getting knocked around, near beaten, "toughened up". Thragg will conceal the full extent of how they're treated from you because the way he sees it, you weren't raised on Viltrum and you're simply ignorant of their culture. He doesn't need you to accept how things are. Your kids will come home with black eyes and bruises and bloodied noses and he'll growl at you not to make them too soft as you weep over Ursaal missing a chunk of her hair because an opponent grabbed her by it and she had to break away and some was ripped out at her scalp, like. The psychological damage of asking your small child how their day with their father went, "it was excellent mother, I made my first kill!!" And then gleefully describing to you in detail how while their father was fighting an enemy soldier, the soldiers child attacked yours, and, your baby killed another kid. Like. That's the sort of thing you have to be raised with to block out of your heart. Going to hug your child who may not even be 10 years old and they have literal blood on their hands

-personal headcanon but also semi canon but I imagine Ursaal is the most competent of your twins and is Thragg's favorite. She just has a better tactical mind on her shoulders and isn't, uh. As horribly sadistically violent as Onaan. Like say your kids become platonic yandere or whatever, or, you have your own kids with thragg and the twins are separate but still attached to you. Onaan is the kid you find killing cats because he's jealous they get more attention than him while Ursaal is like, giving her father incredibly detailed reports and her own insight into what you've been up to, how you're feelings, things you say and do when Thragg isn't around

-so I know y'all see that image I posted with Thragg and his twins. I tried to censor, The Cape last time but I realized like, even with censoring the head it's still super obvious who that is, there's only one white furred creature in this entire show. I imagine after Thragg gets his Beast Drip that, once Throkk's daughter comes for revenge, she is also slaughtered, and her pelt becomes YOUR cape. Or maybe Thragg offhandedly mentions to you that BB Jr has vowed vengeance and you're casually flipping through a book, "is she as strong as her father, like if you had to rate it 1 to 10 with her father being 10 and 1 being a human. If the daughter is at about a 7 or below, Ursaal should be able to handle her, get herself a nice coat to match her father" and Thragg feels this warmth in his chest to hear you're actually observant of his/your children and their prowess, especially to hear you praise Ursaal in such a uh violent context, just casually suggesting his daughter could turn another sentient humanoid creature into a pelt to wear. This is another example of "living the viltrum life will eventually dehumanize you and rob you of certain empathies"

- I don't think you would actually have a title but could you imagine if Thragg decides you're like, officially his true mate, like the mate above all others, like you're the Empress in his little harem of concubines and ladies in waiting. I hc that your official title is something like Grand Duchess or perhaps if this is the twin/triplet scenario something more vaguely historical sounding like The High Mother or Regent Mother or, you get the point

-I still think "Reader turns out to be an incredibly late blooming hybrid" is a neat concept but I also don't know how they would miss that since during your pregnancy and all you're receiving medical care out the ass but like. Thragg personally training both you and the children as a family. Would be kind of humiliating honestly because it's kind of vaguely implied you should learn things before the kids do and if you struggle, here's Thragg, telling his kids in private they have to protect you and keep an eye on you and report any problems back to him

- thragg would definitely be training you in hand to hand but suddenly finds he can't bear hitting you in the face or hitting you at a certain strength. Like. Absolutely 100% you're gonna have a lot of scenarios where you're brawling or wrestling and he pins you and it swiftly transitions to you getting rawdogged from your high on adrenaline husband. Tbh that sex would probably be his favorite, where he has to defeat you in combat and then rewards himself. Can probably border from hatesex to consensual to noncon, not that he has a problem doing THAT to you either

- probably has portraits done of you and him. Idk do you think Viltrum has like enough art culture for portraits to be a thing? Most fascist tyrants have portraits. He would have several done: you and him, just you, you while pregnant, him and you while pregnant, you holding your babies, you and him holding your babies, and family shots as they grow up. Say you conquer a planet together as a family and one day you're revisiting and there's some sort of museum set up amd you find like a wall length portrait of, you and your children soaked in blood tearing carnage through the fire and flames and Thragg is beside you just nodding in approval, "they captured your image rather well"

- goooooddddd imagine you're just a normal human and you progressively start showing signs of aging. You start getting more wrinkles. Your body starts working in different ways, popping, cracking, aching. Onaan, Ursaal, and Thragg all notice and they're like FREAKING OUT HONESTLY. The children don't want to accept that their mother is actually going to be a speck on the timeline of their entire lifespans. Thragg doesn't want to accept that he has to let you go and you're never coming back. They all become obsessed with finding ways to keep you young, keep you alive, fuck it they'll clone you and transfer your consciousness into a new body if they have to! This is comic book world and these are obsessed aliens and they have OPTIONS

- something something "what if Reader isn't a viltrumite hybrid but is still like super-powered or a mutant or whatever and this isn't revealed until you like are fatally injured or even DIE die and suddenly you, pop back up". Cause I feel like this "close call" would drive any yandere literally insane because, what if there's no second chance, what just happened, can you still die, they can never never never never never allow you to get hurt ever ever ever again

Thragg just walks into the kitchen and you have the stove top red hot and you've just got your palm resting on it and you look to him kind of just shocked, all, "look... nothing happens... I just feel some of the warmth" and Thragg just puts his fist through your oven anyways, "you could've gotten hurt" and immediately picking you up and carrying you to some sort of perceived "safer place"

- this is like a specific scenario but like, can you imagine as a mom you like to brush and comb Ursaal's hair and you idly suggest she could always grow it out more and you could help braid it and things, but once it starts getting longer Thragg objects and says it could get grabbed during a fight and orders her to cut it but you step in and say she shouldnt have to, it's HER hair, and you two get into it, and one day Ursaal is brought home by her father and he's all but shaved her head after she had actually grown it out to a decent length. You and Thragg are at odds over how to treat rhe children and Ursaal begins to realize that many of the restrictions her father instills on her are because of a way of life she may not fully agree with, a life filled with violence and bloodshed with no room for love or kindness or creativity. She probably helps you from going over the edge too, honestly. If anything else through this life with Thragg, in your darkest places you may still find yourself thinking you have to keep going to try and help your children

- with others, Thragg is the kind of yandere where he's standing in the same room as you and you're both doing completely different things and he suddenly says, "so I noticed during the meeting that your eyes kept lingering on my mate" and without further warning he's beating up someone on the accusation they were lusting for his wife, no discussion, just fists , and he'll do shit like this a lot to the point people don't feel comfortable being around you and you're just further socially isolated

- I feel like Thragg would have some weird like fondness slash fetish for watching you breastfeed. Like, awww here's his cute little wife with his chubby little babies and you're giving them their nice milk, what a good mom, providing for the babies he put in your belly ❤️ part of me is convinced if you're a viltrumite or hybrid or whatever that you uh. Eventually wind up with a lot of babies. A LOT of babies. Do you think he would want a specific amount or its just vibes. Like you're over 300 years old and you've already got 50 kids with him but he sees you teaching one of your youngest sons how to throw a punch and suddenly he wants another

- all I'm saying is if he ever catches you self harming or attempting to hurt yourself he's gonna have a real extreme reaction. Like he finds you cutting yourself with a broken glass and you're immediately restrained and taken to a hospital, completely stripped, inspected for other wounds, and if there are any and especially a lengthy history of them, you're in such trouble. But I also think it would be extremely difficult to hide this from him since as time goes on you two are constantly having sex or he's inviting himself into your shower to bathe with you. You accidentally bang your arm on a counter or something and get a tiny bruise, this man will know about it and wants a detailed report on where it came from

- even when you guys aren't super familiar with each other and you've "just met" he's already protective and all that. Like you've just been brought into his home and you barely even know him still and he may even act mean and angry to you and then one day he sees you have a large bruise on your arm, "what is this?" ".... it's nothing, Grand Regent" "I asked you a question and you'll answer me: where did this come from" "... I spoke out of turn with one of your advisors and turned to leave without permission, Grand Regent" "And so they grabbed you?" "Yes Grand Regent" "who" "it was my fault, I-" "WHO" and the second you give a name or description he's wordlessly leaving the room and shows up again HOURS later with visible blood on him, "it has been handled. You are not to be harmed or punished without my permission or instruction"

- in some scenario where you leave the kids behind and try to run away, like... he isn't just gonna throw up his hands, "well I already got children out of her, she has served her purpose" and leave you the fuck alone. If anything this man would track you down just to tell you off for having the fucking nerve to disobey and defy him! I can picture an actively captured wife where you are constantly kept on some kind of restraint or have a bracelet or collar or even a LEAD THAT HE HOLDS and you're IMPRISONED rather than "I'm being monitored but otherwise I have my own agency". Thragg will make himself a throne that you can be chained to if he has to. He'll have restraints made that are decorative and complimentary of your features. Imagine he's making some sort of public appearance and while he's speaking he's got an arm around your waist and you're pulled up against him and meanwhile you've got. A bar gag and cannot speak

- really, truly, in a way, you become a symbol, but one of all different kinds. There are Viltrumites who see how their mighty Grand Regent treats his mate and they are viscerally disgusted (Kregg and Lucan comes to mind), like people who really start to question the society they are living in, questioning if it really must be so selfish and devoid of empathy, questioning if they really want to keep living this way and for their children and their children's children to live like this. Then there are others who see the way the Grand Regent controls his mate and see its as a sign of strength and permission to treat their own mates the same.

Mostly, though... the only thing that will take you away from Thragg is death. Until the day one of you dies, you're stuck with him, and there's basically no one around who's stronger than he is, period. You might as well cozy up and get friendly with your new husband, since you're going to be together for a long time and spend lots, and lots, and LOTS of time together ❤️

[maarigolds]

Since we all know how much of a shitshow umbrella academy s4 was, let's revisit the good old days. Here's my reaction to ep1 s1, which I haven't seen in like 5 years:

We're starting off strong with the sudden pregnancy scene: this is how you get the viewer's attention

Cunty shot of Reggie walking with the seven nannies and the seven baby carriers

Viktor playing the violin while all the other characters are introduced 10/10 stunning no notes

Rehab worker saying "We'll see you soon Klaus" and him immediatly overdosing and being reanimated in the ambulance. Now we know he probably just came back to life by himself!

"You got big, Luther! What's your secret, protein shakes?"

Pogo!!! I missed you, you ape butler!

Baby Viktor leaving sandwitches for Five 🥺🥺🥺

Klaus-Allison alliance going strong since the beginning I see

"Did you see Diego?" "Yeah, with that stupid outfit" "Do you think he wears that thing in the shower?" I love siblings being siblings

Ok I had forgotten about the Allison and Luther thing. Maybe it wasn't ALL great.

"Dad, could you just stop playing tennis with Hitler for a moment and take a quick call?"

"Ok, sorry, I'm just gonna go murder mom, I'll be right back"

Klaus is seriously the best

Bank robbery flashback!!!

"Guns are for sissies! Real men throw knives!"

"That's one badass StApLeR" god I miss five's voice cracks so much

*Ben covered in blood* "Can we go home now?"

Back to the present with Klaus spilling Reggie's ashes lmao

I THINK WE'RE ALONE NOW AKA BEST DANCE SCENE IN TV SHOW HISTORY

No seriously Diego absolutely killing it, Luther doing the hand-krabs, Klaus dancing with the urne

And then boom! Five is back! Honestly iconic entrance

Also Klaus trying to stop a temporal anomaly with a fire extinguisher whyyyy lmao

Five interrupting his speech about the future to look Klaus up and down and 100% seriously say "nice dress"

Klaus responding with "ah, danke"

"That makes no sense" "well, it would if you were smarter"

Also unrelated but Viktor being such a shy wallflower in s1... he's come such a long way!!!

Luther throwing reggie's ashes on the ground "probably would have been better with some wind"

Luther and Diego beating the crap out each other. Viktor: "stop it!" Klaus: "hit him!"

Also Klaus trying to protect Five and him having none of it, too cute

"An entire square block, 42 bedrooms, 19 bathrooms, and not one single drop of coffee" "dad hated caffeine" "well he hated children too, and he had plenty of us!"

"Alright, guess I'll see you guys in another ten years, when Pogo dies" Diego please 💀💀

"You know, every time I close my eyes I see a diarrheatic hyppo about to shit on my face" this was robert sheehan improvising and honestly what the fuck how does someone even come up with that

The Istanbul was constantinople fight was honestly art. This was really the moment I knew I would love this show with all of my heart. Also masterful way to show exactly who Five is in just a couple of minutes

BEN!!! I MISS OG BEN SO MUCH!!! He was baby

Five going to Viktor when he needed help. Honestly we should have gotten more of them being besties it was so good

"The world ends in eight days, and I have no idea how to stop it" and that's how you end a first episode! I'm hooked! Except I'm not cause I know how it ends 🫠

Well this is it. This show was honestly so good in the beginning. I have no clue what happened. At least we'll always have season 1.

[noodles-doodles01]

Im getting really tired of people saying that those who criticize this season of HOTD « dont understand slow pacing and story telling » and « wouldn’t have lasted through GOT » and « need action all the time » because it is simply untrue.

Book deviations aside, this season contradicts so much of what season one has built and does not end on a final note.

I like the idea they wanted slower pacing for character development, but how much have we acc achieved when we’ve wasted so much of the season hearing the same conversation over and over? When we’ve revisited the same character points we had in season 1?

Daemon struggled about the throne in s1, and we waste many scenes with Daemon undergoing the same issues in s2, with the same result: he kneels to Rhaenyra in fealty. The scene in s1 was more impactful imo.

Why did we have two scenes of Alicent or Rhaenyra visiting each other? Logic aside, why do we have two conversations where the risk overweigh the means, when we are supposedly past the declarations of war and fatalities have passed? « Being gay and stupid » isn’t an acc reason

Why has Alicent gone backwards in her development? Anger suddenly dissipated even after her grandson was brutally murdered? Giving up her children despite doing ALL THIS for them?

Why have we spent so many scenes of Rhaenyra doubting herself over every single decision, when we have zero updates or insight on characters like DAERON or CREGAN.

This show frustrates me and it’s upsetting that I can’t enjoy something I waiting so long for.

[zhuoyichenpretty]

Eps 30-33 Commentary

No meta, just reactions! I have less to say about some eps so I'm combining several episodes worth. To make up for my head-emptiness and lack of meta, I've included more pictures lmao. Spoilers under the cut!

Ep 30:

"You really are pitiful." Li Lun waking up thinking of ZYC's words oooh they did that opening line for Li Lun/ZYC lovers (me)

What a homoerotic way to give the Truth Eye

ZYC and ZYZ having their first drink(s) together here, ZYZ and Li Lun having one last game of chess here. Gay ppl will go “I know a place” and take you to a damp cave and a little stone table in the Wilderness

Oof. The apparent inherence of winning/losing in their activity of choice compared to the drinks that took place here between ZYC and ZYZ. Even with a draw, it’s competitive by nature. If Li Lun knew about the three (very intense, very intimate) toasts that came before in this very spot, I wonder how aggrieved he’d feel.

Ah well there goes the date spot /:

I’m so happy to see LZY (Bai Jiu’s actor) get to fight! His fight scenes in MTJY were awesome and he continues to impress here as well. It’s so fun to watch!

………..to revisit my question from previous commentary about when the grievances against Ying Lei will end, the answer is never ;-;

Damn…For ZYC to promise to spare Li Lun after all that Li Lun has put him through specifically and personally. ZYC really fucking loves ZYZ doesn’t he.

I’m so fucked up over Ying Lei’s last words jesus christ.

ZYC sobbing and feeling the fleeting warmth of the rock Ying Lei was just leaning against…when will the world stop taking away his family members??? His brothers???

That scene of everyone looking at Bai Jiu after Ying Lei dissipates. The fact that he's right there. And it’s like they traded one life for another. The two babies of the group. Goddammit.

Do NOT hit me with Bai Jiu’s actor singing “Broken-Tailed Bird” right now oh my god

So like…regarding ZYZ losing his demonic power, does he still count as the most evil demon of ZYC’s time? Can someone ring Ying Long and ask?

ZYC crybaby oh no I can’t believe he’s crying over ZYZ being so weakened aw I love him

My god, Bai Jiu running after Ying Lei and into ZYC’s arms has to be one of my favorite sequences in the whole show. So so good. So so painful. Between this scene, all the flashbacks, and ZYC’s reaction when he died, I’m at least glad the show is spending so much screen time and significance on Ying Lei’s send-off, even if I’m heartbroken that he’s gone. We couldn’t even have the whole family reunited for one moment.

Also have you ever seen a man so mother?

No but seriously "Cry if you want...[tears] have to do with our hearts" ZYC my healthy masculinity king!!!

This song fucking hurtssssssssss this cheese (it's buttermilk) hurts everything hurts

I’m glad PSJ gets time and space to react. Her lines about being a mortal and not being needed are so good but also ow!!! And oh WX always knows exactly what to say to her 🥹

I love everything ZYC says to Bai Jiu about each family member (like yeahhh WX is unlucky 😭 and yeaahHH PSJ does need support too) but MAN the way he says ZYZ’s name is so fucking good. The fact that it gets so much emotion across without saying a single word further as he gets interrupted. His voice and his expression both collapsing a little in that moment. Efficiency of acting strikes again.

Is it even possible for ZYC to cherish this little family more?

Yo this dramatic ass lighting on ZYZ and ZYC standing in the doorway. Why y’all need so much drama just to talk? Also oughhhh ZYC’s gaze is a mess looking every which way while discussing WX’s poison. He is such a bad liar (but he looks so good doing it). Is that why they gotta talk about this like ten feet apart so ZYZ can’t see him lying? Lmao

Okay also tho if ZYC's coming around looking like this I am not hearing a single thing he's saying:

They flashed back to the previous time ZYC held his hand out but cut away from ZYZ taking it this time. Is it bc the absolutely unfettered tension between them can’t pass censors anymore? Haha god but that shot of ZYC slowly meeting ZYZ’s eyes from ZYZ’s POV whewwww we don’t got the skinship but their gazes are kind of insane??? TJR in blue contacts is too powerful I'm shaking somebody needs to stop him.

Ep 31:

Trying so hard not to be driven a little crazy by the lapses in continuity in this show (‘: It’s just tonal and costuming stuff that are a little difficult for me to ignore, just the fact that it’s kind of apparent which scenes were filmed in what order based on their costume/styling changes + the sets, and how sometimes the tone from the previous events don’t smoothly carry over because of this. But it's momentary, I just gotta. Power through.

YO the Pei siblings sparring was so cool and for what. They should have had WX spectating instead of staring at nothing in the previous scene (-:

Damn how long has it been since they played the fun music. Also feels kind of wrong without Ying Lei though fml

Awwww Qing Geng I missed her she’s so cute!! I wasn't doing ep commentaries during her arc so I gotta make up for it here. Her actress is so talented and adorable, and her costuming in this show is stunning!! Her lashes!! Her colors!!

THE TREE BRANCHES lmfaooo ZYC what happened to being worried for ZYZ’s weak body?? We really haven't had a moment like this in so long though (':

Well I do like the reason why WZY had a fake out death, that’s pretty clever and narratively sound, but also oh god what in the AOT??? The inner cores hidden in the medicine is some odious fucking work dear lord

I also like that the endgame is coming about from what initially seemed like another small-time case. Of course the evil physician's huge scheme at the end weaponizes plague and poison and medicine.

Ayeee fun that they used the teleporter on WZY instead of as a getaway

Lmfao ZYC just standing there taking a huge hit of the poison smoke. Poor baby doesn’t watch movies and doesn’t know smoke from a bad guy always means some kind of poison

Why does poisoned!ZYC have such an incredible smokey-eye siren look I’m shook

After knowing the poison is about indulging in your greatest wishes, the first moment ZYC woke up and approached ZYZ they sure looked like they were about to indulge in something sorry ignore me

The way this is so similar to ZYZ’s imaginings where he and WX always turn around and look at the camera. The show wants censors to believe they’re looking at ZYZ but we've known all along who the third POV is here

Also why aren’t ZYC’s bro and dad in the wish illusion?

Ohh the eerie instrumental rendition of the OST when ZYC draws his sword is too good. And yesss we were so due for some more crazy dream fuckery like is this real? Is this real??

Ep 32:

The team is spread so thin )-: One man (mountain god) down and a whole town to save and an immortal villain to vanquish.

WZY's eagerness in trying to goad ZYC into killing himself while poisoned is so so sinister goddamn. I love how disturbing it is to slowly realize what he wants without any lines at all

ZYZ shielding ZYC from a huge fucking fireball with just his hand is adorable and sad:

I already normally love Li Lun's whole leaf-swirly entrances and exits but you know I cheered when he deus ex machina-ed his way here!!! With that bgm too!!!

Li Lun came back to accept ZYC into their throuple. He's had some time to think and yeah he's decided ZYC's kinda hot and maybe shouldn't die or else ZYZ will be sad.

):

ZYC's soft and anguished, "Qing Geng" when he realizes she gave him her inner core. That's my bleeding heart hero ;-;

Throuple of the fucking yearrrrrr:

Spoiler for ep 33/34 but—watching Bai Jiu watch the three of them and realize he can't do anything to help here... It would have been dangerous for him to stay, but I wonder if things could have ended differently ):

Ep 33:

Oughhhhh Pei Siheng ))): The cruel fucking poetry of PSJ, the most emotionally closed-off character, having her heart, her brother, made into her armor. And then to lose him once more.

ZYC proving time and again that his heart is entirely boundless and he'll shelter anyone from the rain and he just wants everyone to live:

LI LUN/ZYC LOVERS HOW ARE WE FEELIN'?!?

Did not expect MORE ZYC choking now that they're on the same side but yeah Li Lun is not one to let go of a good thing I get it. I'm screaming but I get it. "I'm giving you half my demonic power" yeah right just admit you like doing this dw Li Lun this is a safe space.

Literally what am I watching and also no don't mind me, keep going. Feral over ZYC dropping his hand and letting it happen.

But lmfao the way Li Lun did not need to be doing all that, like he sends his power out to ZYZ without even making physical contact. He could've just grabbed ZYC by the shoulder.

Can't believe I just keep winning:

ZYC didn't even know what Li Lun was doing putting his arms around him and he just let it happen. That's some next level trust.

Ah goodbye Li Lun, presumably another victim of the "(ex-)villains can't have good endings" brand of censorship

Oof I love that the initial horror after the seeming victory is reserved first for the simple fact that ZYC and ZYZ are separated, that ZYC can't go to him the way he was intending to. Even when it's unclear yet that WZY is still alive, just the wrongness of them being divided this way is so poignant. ZYC has such a helpless look about him when he says ZYZ's name.

Goddammit WZY saw Li Lun choke ZYC and got ideas.

Oh I love the uncertainty of whether the One-Word Spell works on ZYC or not. ZYZ's sudden and intense fear. Also though WZY tries to use ZYC dying as a deterrent for ZYZ blowing up the barrier but he's literally choking the life out of ZYC as we speak

Bai Jiu's completely unrestrained screaming and crying in pain is so brutal to listen to. His scenes go on forever. Also, the choice of having some of his flashbacks be blurred and vague in the background, once again something privately kept for the character

ZYC holding out his hand to ZYZ a third time ;-; The utter relief of being able to reach each other again paralleling that previous horror of separation.

ZYC physically feeling Bai Jiu's death oh god. We do not get a single moment of happiness and victory in this drama everything is bought with pain and returns pain I hate it here.

Also another post-finale thought (spoilers for the end of the drama)—If ZYZ remained in his weakened state, I really am curious if he would have still met the conditions of the prophecy (ZYC being cursed to kill the most evil demon of his time, if the prophecy is indeed conditional like that, of course). If that could have been a technical loophole, did Li Lun giving both of them his power and then ZYC giving ZYZ his as well basically fulfill it again? I mean, logistically speaking, without that extra power, I'm not sure if ZYZ would have been able to trigger the Baize cycle again (or whatever it is he did to save the town). So the show's final tragedy can be traced all the way back to these moments of giving out of love and protection, just as Bai Jiu being in the perfect place for his final sacrifice came about because ZYC, ZYZ, and Li Lun were trying to protect him and get him out of danger. The way love and grief are so helplessly, inevitably intertwined that one begets the other. They were all just trying to save each other.

On that completely painful note, that's 30-33! And it'll be downhill from here for the next one (-:

[respectthepetty]

Pride Petty Watch (SOTUS) 2/5

Since so many people voted for the two blacklisted shows I was supposed to watch during Pride, it unlocked the wild card of me rewatching my sworn enemy SOTUS. I don't remember anything about the show, and the only thing I truly took away from it was hating Krist for the last eight years, so I'm settling in and revisiting the past to figure out why I forgot about every single plot point of this show including that Jan was in it and that Kongpob x M were the perfect ghost ship.

I left off praying that Arthit gets meaner before he gets nicer, which I consider as getting better before he gets worse, but since I'm getting Dangerous Romance flashbacks flash forwards, I doubt Arthit can commit to bullying Kong much longer before he turns full simp.

How am I not supposed to root for Kong x M when M looks so devastated every time Kong leaves his side to go talk to May. I know M likes May, but the way these scenes are set up, it's hard not to think that M likes Kong and he is in pain when everyone else gets his friend's time since he has known Kong SINCE JUNIOR HIGH!

Thrilled that Wad is always ready to lay hands first and ask questions later. Also excited that he is motivated by pettiness just like me, so the only reason he is playing in the tea product placement game is just to spite the seniors. Petty work makes the dream work. Amen.

The pink milk in this series needs to be studied because on one end of the spectrum, we in BL Land know the pink milk is a staple of a Thai BL (which is slowly coming back in Last Twilight, Only Friends, Addicted Heroin and I Saw You in My Dream), but on the other end, the show itself treats the pink milk like those dumb hot takes from people asking if drinking fruity cocktails makes a man a fruit, or if sucking on popsicles makes a man want to suck a dick, or if eating food in general makes a man queer. It just feels as if this show treats Arthit that way every time he orders it, like "GOTCHA, QUEER!"

If I were that food vendor, and Kong started popping out with these little nuggets while Arthit just kept threatening him, their business would be all up in the group chat because I'd be messaging all my friends that these two gay guys were practically foreplaying right in front of my salad pork skewers.

So of course Arthit would show up to the game just to stand there and glare at a man drenched in sweat from playing a hard game of basketball like the internalized-homophobic asshat he is.

God, some things never change.

WE GOT COCA-COLA MONEY?!

I gasped not because of the note on this conversation but because of the comment coming from AN OPENLY GAY MAN on the hazers squad. I am not Thai, so the only way I can relate to the hazers is through Greek life (fraternities and sororities), and even a long long time ago, I knew openly gay men in frats, and they pulled ALL the girls since girls felt safer around them than the straights, but the look Prem and Arthit are giving Tuta when he says this is what I'm laser-focused on because they show toleration rather than acceptance. I'm taking those looks personally.

Arthit continues to say Kong's face is annoying, but he never says it's ugly. Sir, I see your gay awakening on the horizon.

AND M WITH THE FUCKING LOOKS AGAIN! He is looking at Kong on stage then looking at May looking at Kong on the stage, and I know where this is going, but my god does it feel like M is sad because he believes Kong is straight and wouldn't reciprocate the feelings he has for his best friend SINCE JUNIOR HIGH!

I have made it clear that I do not like Krist (I believe his acting is flimsy but I can't even act like I like people, so who am I to judge), but I don't think the people behind the filming of this show liked him either because these opening title cards between the parts of the episodes are doing him dirty.

Excuse me, little stage presenter, I need to know what the fuck was going on with this performance that they had a western theme with modern guns. Was it Big Sean's "I Don't Fuck With You"?

And why is Jan looking like Taylor Swift in "Teardrops On My Guitar"? This show was in 2016, but the styling and hair are in 2003.

Now the judges are coming for Kong, and Lord knows he is going to answer in the most uncontroversial way because Kong refuses to pick a side against hazing and the boy he likes being punished by.

*eye roll* I did not think I'd make it here this quickly, but I'm on Arthit's side because Kong IS annoying. Jan's character looks full-on Stockholm Syndrome into the camera when Kong is answering, yet homeboy is just over there giving the most ridiculous reason of "our hazers have their reasons for hazing us" and now I see the direct line to GMMTV forgiving parents for abuse (Double Savage!).

Kong can play basketball really well. He remembers everyone's name. The whole class wanted him to be president. He is great in school. Now he is the Freshy Moon. Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. I hate this kid.

M, my most beloved, now I see why you're quiet a lot.

I appreciate M for also stating that Kong is just great at everything without trying, but it also feels that he is hyping up his boy because he has been IN LOVE WITH HIS SINCE JUNIOR HIGH!

In a room full of people, only Kong notices that M is unhappy, and now I see the direct they-are-married-but-not-a-couple line to Peaceful Property. New understands these roles well.

THE QUESTIONS THAT NEED ANSWERS! Can you run 54 laps, Arthit? Can you squat 200 times, Prem? These freshmen won everything, yet Arthit is still being a dickwad, and he just got his ass off of school probation. Bold move, sir! I want the juniors to suffer. Except for Bright. My boy has never done anything wrong, and if he did, he didn't.

I saw an umbrella in The Ex-Morning pilot trailer, and if that show doesn't give me a scene of these two arguing in the rain over the dumbest shit, then what is the point?

All those people watching Arthit, and none of his boys could run with him? If the purpose of hazing is unity, obviously the juniors didn't get that memo when they were being hazed as freshmen, so why continue the traditions that they don't even abide by?! Arthit is better than me because I would have crawled my ass back to my dorm before accepting their help SINCE THEY DIDN'T EVEN RUN LAPS! And now this little freshman wants to be up in his face. What's the point of the umbrella now?! He is a boy in a BL who has been in the rain for hours. HE IS ALREADY GOING TO DIE NO THANKS TO YOU UNHELPFUL DOUCHE NOZZLES!

I was just on Arthit's side, but then the show decided to tell me that entire seniors-hazing-the-juniors thing was a setup, and mixed with most of the images on Arthit's door being black-and-white, and one of those images being Charles Manson's Rolling Stone cover, I'm back to hating him again. So in case anyone is still following along, I now hate both of the leads. Can I get M and Bright back?

Kong says several times that Arthit can punish him, then he irons Arthit's clothes. If this show would just lean into the kink of it all, I would embrace everything about it. If Kong could just be a masochist dom, I would be delighted. JAPAN, COME HERE RIGHT NOW! Fuck remaking Love in the Air! Remake this kinky shit instead!

This is what a sado sub looks likes and Japan would know exactly what to do with him. Now I'm mad that I'm watching the babygirl-fication of a perfectly good jerk.

Well hello there you two! You wanna make out before going to the hospital? Maybe keep it all a secret from everybody else? I'm so pissed that I can't remember this plot now because I don't think they will be a thing BUT THEY WOULD BE PERFECT!

And I'm still rooting for my boy M to get his best friend since unlike Arthit, M can at least acknowledge that his friend is pretty to his face. No internalized homophobia here but probably because M isn't even a homo. I've sailed ships with less.

😬🥴🙃 Thank you subtitler for keeping the word. It's important. So are the looks that I'm taking personally. And BRIGHT IS THE ONE TO SAY IT! So I like M now and only M. Everyone can eat dirt and choke.

Arthit's nickname means warmth? I'm starting to remember why I forgot this show. Like Celine Dion, "It's All Coming Back to Me Now"

And I hate it.

[dustedmagazine]

Listening Post: Gastr Del Sol

Photo by James Crump

Gastr Del Sol was the convergence of two individuals who had not spent their youths like anyone else and were on their way to lives quite unlike most lives. Between 1991 and 1998 David Grubbs and Jim O’Rourke made a sequence of records that simultaneously pointed out what a lot of music listeners were missing and where music might go next if it was really interested in being interesting. Grubbs came from Louisville, Kentucky’s hardcore scene; he played in Squirrel Bait while he was in high school, and took Bastro with him to college. Jim O’Rourke grew up tracking down recordings from the far reaches of every fringe and then setting about making his own place within each method he learned. Before he was out of college, he’d already made connections with Henry Kaiser, Derek Bailey and the folks at Ina GRM. Each was a guy who knew what the other did not, and their collaboration pushed both to make music that they would never make again with anyone else.

Gastr Del Sol began when Grubbs decided to let Bastro get quiet, and made one LP before O’Rourke came aboard. Their first album together, Crookt, Crackt, Or Fly, was assembled from miniaturized poetry, elongated post-punk riffs, frozen improvisation and fluid, texturally-focused compositions. Their last, Camofleur, is a droll pop statement completed just weeks prior to the collapse of the duo’s relationship. The acrimony between them took a couple of decades to die down, but around the same time that they buried the hatchet, a live recording of their final concert surfaced. We Have Dozens Of Titles shuffles together that performance plus every compilation, single, or EP track that Gastr Del Sol released outside their core Drag City discography.

Intro by Bill Meyer

Jonathan Shaw: I have admired Gastr del Sol from a sort of distance. I like “At Night and At Night,” from the terrific Hey Drag Citycomp; I know Upgrade & Afterlife quite well and dearly love “Dry Bones in the Valley...”, the Fahey cover collab with Tony Conrad. The first song on this new-ish record sidles in alongside those wooden textures, but is a more anxious affair. I like that it never quite boils over or takes its propulsive energies to catharsis. It’s sort of a complement to the conversation with the French kid blowing up firecrackers at the track’s close: it can’t quite move forward, in spite of all of the things that want it to.

That’s also a handy metaphor for my relationship to the music. When I have listened to Crookt, Cracked..., I get the sense that these are really, really smart folks, doing some smart stuff, but I haven’t quite connected with and moved into the sounds. They can be forbiddingly remote. So, I am glad for this record, and its invitation to revisit the band’s trajectory.

Bill Meyer: Each record is so different that I can easily see someone liking one and not likening others, and if you held a gun to my head, Upgrade & Afterlife is the one I would name as my favorite. Which makes it all the more interesting that this collection spans their existence from O’Rourke’s first presence (the Teenbeat single — and it’s pretty amazing that they ended up on that label) to the very last concert (that trip is probably when the encounter with the Francophone child occurred, since the concert was in Quebec).

By virtue of its length and timespan, We Have Dozens Of Titles shows more sides of Gastr Del Sol than any other record.

Bryon Hayes: I think that’s one of the band’s traits that I find appealing, that their sound and approach shifted from record to record. “At Night and At Night” was my introduction to the band, and it also seems to encapsulate multiple faces of Gastr Del Sol in a single track: a drone intro, followed by a guitar/poetry passage, and then a dollop of minimalism accompanied by backwards cymbal splashes. I bought Hey Drag City for Pavement, Silver Jews, and Smog but was introduced to some new and intriguing sounds across the whole of the comp. That track, and Gastr Del Sol as a whole, always felt like a riddle or a logic puzzle to me, albeit one that continuously changed, so it wasn’t possible to “solve” it. But I actually like that fact: the thrill of the act of investigating is pure enjoyment itself.

I never did get to experience Gastr Del Sol in a live setting, so those tracks on We Have Dozens of Titles are particularly revelatory for me. I like the more stripped-down setting of “The Seasons Reverse,” for example. Maybe even more than the version on Camofleur. I’d also bet that the field recording of the kids came from Victoriaville. The town is far enough into Quebec that it’s likely there was a language barrier between O’Rourke and the local youth at the time. Also, the drawn-out version of “Blues Subtitled No Sense of Wonder” feels much fuller and richer in the live setting than it does on Camofleur. I’m not saying I dislike that album, but I too would pick Upgrade & Afterlife as my favorite...

Bill Meyer: Because I lived in the same town as Gastr Del Sol, I was fortunate to see them a lot. The concerts were pretty different from one another, and didn’t always sound much like the most recently released record. When they played with John McEntire, things could be more rock-ish, and I have one fond memory of them getting pretty wild with the feedback. Afterwards O’Rourke seemed embarrassed, like he’d lost control and done the wrong thing. There was room for spontaneity, but they were not an improv act. In 1997 they did lock into the two guys with two acoustic guitars thing for a while, probably because they had a fair number of out-of-town gigs in their later years; they didn’t necessarily want to lug a lot of gear around.

Another aspect of living in the same town with them was seeing the other things they had going. O’Rourke could often be seen accompanying someone whose work he championed (ex: Rafael Toral), and they both played with Red Krayola (although O’Rourke bailed for a while and Grubbs kept going), Edith Frost, and Arnold Dreyblatt.

Jonathan Shaw: Never saw the band, and the live material on this comp is what’s impressing me most. Given my proclivities toward their work with acoustic guitars, I am most compelled by “Onion Orange,” which works a space between gentle and tense to very satisfying effect. The repetitive sequence of notes in that initial six-or-so minutes is really engaging; it invites anticipation, flirts with letting that become apprehension. I can imagine that would be even more powerful in a real room, with the players really making the noises in front of you. But even here, via the mp3 I am playing on a device, it’s strong stuff.

Bill Meyer: I still need to a-b that with the original on Grubbs’ solo album.

That album, Banana Cabbage, Potato Lettuce, Onion Orange, seems not to be on Bandcamp, and Table of the Elements is long defunct. I’ll have to pull out my CD and play it. On the original edition, Grubbs plays everything, but O’Rourke recorded two of the album’s three tracks. I remember it being very still, a Grubbs take on Morton Feldman. What you hear in this live performance, Jonathan, is probably what makes me think I like this new version better than the original. There’s a management of tension that probably comes from two people playing it together in real time.

The way that We Have Dozens Of Titles is sequenced, with live tracks littered throughout the collection, makes it easy to forget that we’re hearing a complete set here.

Ian Mathers: There’s a relatively well-known tweet (for those of us that are too online, at least) where a guy who’s only ever seen one movie sees a second and immediately compares it to his only experience. As someone who’s never heard Gastr del Sol before (although they’ve lingered somewhere on my impossibly long “get to this someday” list) and only really knows Jim O’Rourke’s work via his Bad Timing album, I had my own “Getting a lot of ‘Boss Baby’ vibes from this...” moment playing the opening live version of “The Seasons Reverse.” The guitar playing there immediately put me in mind of Bad Timing, which isn’t a bad thing! I was slightly relieved when this compilation pretty immediately shows off different aspects of his and Grubbs’ sound, even in the other live tracks.

And while I did enjoy all of We Have Dozens of Titles, enough so that I’m wondering based on the comments here which of their albums I should check out next, the live tracks do feel like a cut above everything else. I’m probably going to try listening to just them, and while I respect the choice to scatter them throughout this release despite being one show (do we have any idea if they preserved the order of the setlist, or jumbled that up as well as splitting them up?) there is a part of me that wishes it was a separate release. Which is kind of silly, I know — absolutely nothing is stopping me from just playing the live stuff whenever I want, and I’m very glad to have the rest of the material here. My first question for those more knowledgeable: is the album version of “Blues Subtitled No Sense of Wonder” as amazing as the live one here, and should I make that my next stop?

Bill Meyer: If you like the live version of “Blues Subtitled No Sense of Wonder,” you definitely need to check out the studio version. For that reason, I’d point you to Camofleur and then suggest that you work your way backwards through the catalog.

Bryon Hayes: The album version has beautiful vocal harmonies with lyrics that are dryly humorous; the title of the box set is derived from them, actually. The music on the box set version feels fuller and louder than that on the album, the electronics bolder and noisier, accompanied by rich organ tones. Also, that interlude of shouted movie dialogue (or whatever it is), is not in the Camofleur version. Both are appealing, but I enjoy the live version slightly more. If Grubbs sang on the live version, it might be the clear winner for me.

Ian Mathers: Interesting, thanks for the tips! If I’m remembering correctly, there’s no vocals on this collection for at least a while, and I was slightly nonplussed when they came in; not bad, certainly, but it felt slightly out of place with the music. (I was working while listening, which might be the culprit there.) I’ll be interested to A/B the two versions and see what I think.

Bill Meyer: I just drove past the Lyon & Healy building at Lake and Ogden, which prompts the question — what do you make of “The Harp Factory On Lake Street”?

Jonathan Shaw: I sort of like it when there are vocals — in part because of the poetic nature of what’s sung (see “Rebecca Sylvester” on Upgrade & Afterlife), in part because it feels grounding in musical contexts that frequently get very abstract.

Bill Meyer: I like the way you frame that, Jonathan. Grubbs’ words do have a way of anchoring part of the music, bringing a sonic fixedness that contrasts with the music around them, but also introducing an uncertainty of their own because of their sometimes-oblique content.

Roz Milner: I’ve just been lurking this thread. I’m not familiar with this group, although I do like what little Jim O’Rourke’s music I’ve heard (Bad Timing, Happy Days). Any recommendations on where to start with them?

Tim Clarke: I’d start with Camoufleur, which is easily their most accessible album. I have a bit of an uneasy relationship with Gastr Del Sol. I got into them soon after I became obsessed with Jim O’Rourke’s Eureka, but it was quite a shift in tone from that album. I do enjoy Camoufleur a lot, and the album versions of “The Seasons Reverse” and “Blues Subtitled No Sense of Wonder” are, in my opinion, far superior to the live versions on We Have Dozens of Titles.

Gastr Del Sol are quintessentially experimental, in that much of their music sounds so open-ended, as though O’Rourke and Grubbs are constantly wondering what x would sound like played at the same time as y, whether it’s an open, suspended acoustic guitar voicing alongside a sour synthesizer drone, or some piano with some field recordings or samples. Upgrade & Afterlife actually freaks me out! The first time I listened to it after buying it from Rough Trade in London, I couldn’t venture past the opening track as a massive gnarly insect flew in through my open window while I was listening to it on a spring evening. It scared me so much I don’t think I’ve revisited the album since. There are moments on We Have Dozens of Titles that are truly magical, so I think I’ll have to get over my fear and revisit Upgrade & Afterlife after all this time.

Christian Carey: The timing of this release is interesting. David Grubbs was just appointed Distinguished University Professor by CUNY, the highest faculty distinction possible. In addition, he was just awarded the Berlin Prize, and will be in residence there next year. Wonder if the awards might have helped to fund the recording project.

Jonathan Shaw: Distinguished Prof at CUNY — pretty swell. Makes sense. Some of Gastr del Sol’s headiest stuff has the feel of the “experimental,” and in ways that engage the connotations of knowledge and concept in that term (which often gets used lightly and lazily, IMHO). That might have something to do with why I like the live tracks so much. There’s an organic quality to them. Still thorny and challenging music, like the ebbs and flows that make “Dictionary of Handwriting” disorienting and strange. But it’s happening. It’s made, not just thought or assembled.

Jennifer Kelly: Once again, not super immersed in this band, though I had a copy of Crookt, Crackt or Fly at one time, which I can’t find and don’t remember very well, though I’m listening to it on YouTube right now, and the combination of Grubbs’ wandering vocals and aggressive, stabbing guitars seems familiar-ish. So, coming to this a bit cold, though I’ve enjoyed Grubbs’ more recent work with Ryley Walker and Jan St. Werner — and there are definitely some common threads. Nonlinearity, an elastic sense of key and rhythm, a haunted room kind of aesthetic.

I found this track-by-track exposition at the Quietus, which I was trying to read as the songs came up and it’s quite good. I especially liked the paragraphs about “The Bells of St. Mary’s,” written for what sounds like a truly bizarre Christmas comp with Merzbow and Melt Banana on it. Gastr del Sol’s lone concession to the holiday form was sleigh bells, though Grubbs says the main reference was to “I Wanna Be Your Dog” not “Jinglebells.”

Anyway, you might enjoy this.

Tim Clarke: In addition to the Quietus piece, this recent podcast interview is also very enlightening in regard to the history of the band. A rare opportunity to hear Jim O’Rourke chat lightheartedly too.

Having spent more time with the album now, I realize that my listening gets derailed by a couple of Grubbs’ and O’Rourke’s tendencies with this music. The first is when Grubbs does a kind of scat singing that follows the spiky contours of the acoustic guitar parts. And the second is when they retreat into near silence.

Bill Meyer: Near-silence is an O’Rourke strategy to make sure that the volume is set high enough when you get to the loud part.

Christian Carey: I’m curious what connections to later projects people hear in the recording. As TJ mentioned, there are some mannerisms that seem to forecast avant moves by both Grubbs and O’Rourke, with greater assuredness in the idiom. The post-rock vibe is unmistakable, and I am finding the songs with connections to Tortoise et. al. to be the most compelling music-making here.

Bill Meyer: Re: similarities with Tortoise, it’s worth keeping in mind that John McEntire of Tortoise was also a member of Bastro and a key non-member contributor to Gastr Del Sol. Re: the term post-rock, I appreciate the irony that Gastr Del Sol was actually O’Rourke’s entree into rock following years of intense work in improvisation, musique concrete, etc. with people like Henry Kaiser, Eddie Prevost, Christoph Heemann and Illusion of Safety. It was his “I’m almost ready to rock" project.

Ian Mathers: Roz, if you still haven’t settled on a way to check out Gastr del Sol, I was in a similar position to you and honestly, I found this compilation a pretty welcoming (and broad-ranging) introduction! I haven’t moved on to checking out any of their albums yet, but I have played We Have Dozens of Titles a number of times, and while I’m still experiencing it more as a gestalt than I am picking out specific elements (so I’m not sure how I’d answer Christian’s question at the moment, for example), I find the time just slipping away when I do. I was reading Steven Thomas Erlewine’s newsletter recently where he was discussing this collection and he described Gastr del Sol as “music that changes the temperature of the room,” and I keep coming back to that as an apt description of what I’m experiencing.

Bryon Hayes: I read somewhere that Grubbs’ The Plain Where the Palace Stood is his solo album most similar to his work in Gastr Del Sol. I’m listening to that record now and it actually reminds me of the little Bastro that I’ve heard along with parts of The Serpentine Similar.

Bill Meyer: Gastr Del Sol’s existence corresponded with Grubbs’ time at University of Chicago, where he was getting his PhD. I believe it was in poetry, and the words he wrote for the band’s songs reflect that study.

Christian Carey: I've been having fun poring over David Grubbs’ trilogy of books and guessing which stories might be about Gastr del Sol. He's excellent at being covert, but I would be surprised if they weren't featured in some of his writing.

[mithrilhearts]

20 Questions for Writers

I was tagged by @elvain! Thank you so much! 💖

1. How many works do you have on AO3? We're currently sitting at 29 (28 for Tolkien, and 1 for OFMD)

2. What's your total AO3 word count? Based on everything I've POSTED on ao3, we're at 659,963 words, but I have plenty of things that I've yet to post!

3. What fandoms do you write for? Tolkien (Bagginshield), mostly. Though I've written for OFMD once, and wouldn't mind revisiting that fandom!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? May Your Forge Burn Bright / (Take Me Back To) The Night We Met / Dragonhearted / An Ink-Stained Vow / Concerning Dwobbits

5. Do you respond to comments? I always try to, anyway. There may be some that I just don't get to (I'm sorry!)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I am predominantly a "happy ending" fic writer, I don't actually think I've written something that has a sad or angsty ending?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? All of them are happy endings, if I can help it! I think my favorite happy ending so far is from When Darkness Shines Brightest - the fic overall is so angsty, and for it to have a happily ever after, it makes it worth it.

8. Do you get hate on fics? I have, yeah, and it's not a fun feeling.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I do write smut for Bagginshield, so m/m, and nothing too crazy I don't think? Very simple, very vanilla lol

10. Do you write crossovers? I don't. I DO have an idea for one, though, it just may never actually happen.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? I have, yep!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Bagginshield, hands down!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? This is a hard one, I have so many IDEAS that have yet to reach WIP stage, so I don't know. I am pretty hell-bent on finishing everything that's actively in progress, currently.

16. What are your writing strengths? Descriptions, maybe? I am wordy...and like establishing every single little detail if possible. I also like to think the dialogue I put out is pretty decent!

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Definitely angsty content/dark themes, battle scenes, but also just overall self-confidence? I think I struggle with maybe being a little TOO wordy sometimes.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I'm definitely okay with it! Khuzdul, for the win!

19. First fandom you wrote for? For actual fanfic, Tolkien!

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? I love all of my fics for various reasons, but I think my absolute favorite right now has to be Bookbinder//Songwriter, which is still ongoing. But Dragonhearted is a close second - a mashup of The Hobbit and Beauty & The Beast? Yes!!

Tagging: @myeaglesong @i-did-not-mean-to @scyllas-revenge @blueberryrock @perkynurples @ahufflepuffhobbit @blairsanne @cilil @niennawept @fishing4stars and anyone else who wants to play tbh

[empress-of-snark]

more detailed Beetlejuice Beetlejuice thoughts!

I was going to wait to make this post until I've had the chance to see the movie again, but right now the plan is to go with my best friend when she visits at the end of the month (I was the one who introduced her to the first Beetlejuice movie back in high school), so I decided to go ahead and write a longer post now!

(spoilers under the cut)

CHARACTERS

Absolutely no complaints here! I think Lydia's transition from edgy goth teen to somewhat lost adult struggling with single motherhood is realistic. We get one line referencing that her mom is still alive (distinguishing the movie from the musical a little bit), but it doesn't seem like they're close, and obviously her relationship with Delia has been a struggle through the years. It makes sense that she'd have difficulty connecting with her own daughter, especially with the circumstances surrounding Astrid's father.

While at times Astrid feels like Wednesday Addams in a different font, I liked her a lot! Jenna Ortega fits into the Burtonverse very well, and she and Winona Ryder have great mother-daughter chemistry, both onscreen and off. I do wish that she'd gotten the chance to interact more with Beetlejuice, because as far as I remember, they only exchange one or two lines of dialogue. This feels like a missed opportunity, as I could see him making a lot of jokes about being her future stepdad lol.

As mentioned in my initial review, Catherine O'Hara was a crowd favorite at my theater and earned a lot of the biggest laughs. I really loved Delia in this movie, especially since she and Lydia have clearly grown a lot fonder of each other in the years since the first. I'm also obviously very glad that Jeffrey Jones wasn't invited back to the party, and I think the way they used claymation to show his death was a clever workaround to avoid hiring him again lol.

I adored Willem Dafoe as Wolf Jackson. Was he necessary to the plot? No. Do I give a shit? Also no. He was hilarious and completely ineffectual and I love him.

Rory is a good minor antagonist, and he's fun to root against. I've seen people seemingly frustrated at his relationship with Lydia, and how easily he manipulates her, but I don't find it out of character on her part. In the first movie especially, she's shown to be very lonely and mentally unwell, contemplating suicide on more than one occasion. She latches onto the love that the Maitlands give her as their surrogate daughter, but imagine how hard it must've been for her when they were finally able to move on, and she was stuck with a father who didn't understand her and a stepmother who barely tolerated her? When she meets Rory, Richard has recently died and Astrid resents her. To me, it makes sense that she'd latch on to anyone showing her affection. She doesn't really love Rory, but she thinks that he loves her, and that's enough. It isn't until Beetlejuice helps her see Rory's true colors that she's able to recognize how unhealthy the relationship is.

Speaking of Beetlejuice, I'm so so glad that they followed the trend of the first movie and kept his screen time to a minimum! He's only onscreen for 17 minutes (about three minutes longer than the original), but the way that he eats up every scene he's in makes it feel like more. Michael Keaton was clearly having so much fun revisiting the role! I think that the less we know about Beetlejuice and his backstory the better, so I actually wasn't thrilled when I heard that there was a flashback to his death in this one, but the way they shot the scene with the Italian dub was hilarious, so I'm giving it a pass.

THE STORY

Allegedly, the original runtime of the movie was around 2h15m, which means that a whole thirty minutes ended up getting cut, and I really wish they'd kept it in. Not just because I want more content (though I do), but because the plot does feel a bit cluttered and rushed at times. Between Astrid's fleeting romance with Jeremy, Beetlejuice being hunted down by Delores, and Lydia fending off Rory's proposal/wedding plans, there's not a lot of room to breathe, and the Delores plot definitely suffers a bit. She's made out to be such a huge threat, but gets so little fleshing out that Monica Belluci almost feels wasted. I'll be very interested to see if the DVD has deleted scenes or better yet, a director's cut!

But I've been having fun trying to figure out Beetlejuice's actual motivations, because the differences between the first movie's wedding and this one are very telling. Rather than speed things along like he did the first time, this Beetlejuice takes his time to give Lydia a proper, romantic ceremony. "MacArthur Park" is not a short song, and I'm pretty sure they didn't cut any of it.

It's an interesting song choice, to say the least. The lyrics are about a couple breaking up, and the man vowing to the woman that even though things have ended, he'll always love her. This, coupled with the fact that Beetlejuice gets defeated on a flimsy loophole when you'd expect him to have an ironclad contract, and when Lydia finally banishes him, he doesn't resist at all (again, think about how much he had to fight to shut up the Maitlands when they tried to stop the wedding in the first movie), makes me wonder if he ever actually intended to go through with the marriage. As @simplyshelbs16xoxo theorized in an earlier post, I think this was all just an excuse to see Lydia again and show her how much he loves her (in his own twisted way). Maybe he'd even sort of accepted that Delores was going to find him and kill him (again) any minute, because after all, why would his getting remarried even stop her from doing so?

Who knows? The fun thing about Beetlejuice as a character is that he never fully shows his hand, and there's no way of knowing exactly where his motivations lie.

The Beetlebaby was… something lol. I still haven’t quite decided how I feel about it, but I liked the design, and the fact that it was a clear reference to Chucky. I also like trying to figure out how much of the movie was Lydia’s dream. Just the last scene? Or maybe the whole thing? Does Astrid even exist, or is Lydia really a spinster in the attic, as Winona Ryder says?

THE VISUALS

Tim Burton thrives with practical effects. I'm a fan of most of his work, and my least favorites tend to be the ones that rely too much on CGI (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Alice in Wonderland, Miss Peregrine, etc). Not to say that any of those are bad movies, but I'm glad he's returned to his roots with this one.

One of the things the original Beetlejuice movie is known for is its campy visuals. Part of that is due to the fact that their budget was so small, since Burton was still establishing himself as a director, but it works with the cheesy horror/comedy vibe. And words cannot express how delighted and relieved I was when the sandworms in the sequel were still made with claymation!

Obviously the movie wasn't completely devoid of CGI, but most of it was subtle, and only enhanced the practical effects. The makeup was great as well--I especially liked Willem Dafoe's partially-exposed brain. The original movie actually won an Oscar for Hair/Makeup Design, and I think this one has a good chance for a nomination at least!

FINAL THOUGHTS

The original Beetlejuice has been one of my favorite movies since I first watched it at around thirteen/fourteen. It's a Halloween staple, and I was extremely nervous about the prospect of a sequel after so many years (let's all breathe a collective sigh of relief that that old rumor about a reboot starring Johnny Depp wasn't true because it truly had me scared). While the trailers gave me hope, I still went into the theater with enormous reservations and was fully ready to be disappointed.

And in the end, I definitely wasn't! While the sequel's not perfect and could never come close to surpassing the original, I enjoyed it immensely. It was a lot of fun, and I'm really looking forward to my second viewing! I think it's safe to say that this is Burton's comeback!

[exilethegame]

Writing Update (11/28/22)

Hello everyone!

Unfortunately on Friday I had the wonderful pleasure of catching the flu. On one hand, I've been stuck shivering and coughing all day. On the other hand, my fever-induced psychoses gave me wonderful material to write with in the future.

Because of that, I wasn't able to get much done this week, though I was able to get a jump on some scenes before I got sick!

This past few weeks I've managed to write 5k words making Chapter 5, pt. 2 51k words long!

As of now I'm working on Sabir + Nikke's scenes simultaneously so I can bounce back and forth between them whenever I get bored. The scenes are "simple" enough when compared to Vethna + Amilia's that it's easy for me to do and usually allows me to write a bit quicker since I won't be able to run into writer's block this way!

Ideally, I'll be able to finish both of their scenes by the midpoint of December, but we'll see. I also then need to revisit Amilia + Vethna's scenes to add in extra dialogue + flavor text based on things MC might've done if they went to speak to Sabir/Nikke first, since I find it enjoyable when all the characters acknowledge one another.

Once I get this check-in scene finished, I'll then be able to move onto chronological + companion scenes, which should be pretty smooth sailing. I put on the tumblr's actual website (it might only be visible on a computer) an estimated release for Part 2 which is Quarter 1 of next year-- so anywhere from January - March 2023. I feel confident about that window and will likely shrink it down to more specific dates the more work I get done.

That's all the main stuff! I also included some vocabulary down below for what I personally mean when I'm referring to the "check-in" scenes and such for those of you that are interested. Otherwise, that's all, and thanks for reading! :)

Chapter 5 (Part 2) Progress Scene 1: Linear Scene 2: Hobbies (Finished -- 10/10 Branches) Scene 3: Hobbies Scene 4: Check-in (50% -- 1/3 Branches) Scene 5: Chronological (75% Done) Scene 6: Chronological Scene 7: Companion Scene 8: Companion

Check-in: A check-in scene is when MC is given the choice to speak to the characters "one-on-one." MC can always choose what order to speak to the characters in, but otherwise it breaks down into two more subtypes.

A Check-in 1, which hasn't been seen in-game yet but will be in Part Two, requires MC to speak to every NPC before the scene can go forward. There may also be certain dialogue choices with each character that must be picked in order for the scene to go forward. In scenes like this, main-plot information will be included as every MC will be forced to see it regardless of their relationships or personality.

A Check-in 2 allows MC to choose who they speak to, sometimes under a condition where MC must choose a limited amount of characters to speak to. This means sometimes MC will be able to talk to everyone with ease, and other times (Like in the War Room) MC will be forced to choose who to speak to out of 2 or 3 characters. These type of check-ins will be more common, and they'll also contain information important for side-quests. They'll allow MC to built up trust/respect with characters even if MC + them don't get along, which will then get them to tell MC more about themselves... which, chances are, will open up some unique storylines in the future. The "side-quests" will open up additional scenes for MC in the future where MC can influence how they end, and the ending of these side-quests will then influence the main story (usually). They're not required-- and sometimes MC not getting involved can even be better-- but they're there!

Companion Scene: A companion scene is when a single scene can include any given character in it-- meaning in some playthroughs the scene will have Vethna in it, in others it will have Amilia. So essentially I'm rewriting the same moment of time several times over again for every companion who could be in it. The character who will be in the scene can sometimes be chosen by the player directly-- other times it will be a matter of what MC's relationships are. Sometimes a scene is limited to being with MC's romantic partner or best friend, other times a scene can be played with anyone who MC is amicable with, other times a scene can only be played with whoever MC has the lowest affinity with, etc. It's the closest in style to a classic sort of IF structure-- "You're tired and lonely, only one person comes to your mind to spend time with. That person is..." type of beat.

Hobbies Scene: A hobby scene is a scene that changes depending on what MC's hobby is set as. For example, an MC whose hobby is cooking might have a scene where they're helping make dinner for the group at night while another MC whose hobby is exploring might be sneaking out and climbing things they probably shouldn't be climbing... Sometimes these events will be done with companions as well! Not always, of course... otherwise I would have to be writing 60 variations of scenes which is... not possible <3

Chronological Scene: I just use this to reference a normal span of writing where the scene doesn't vary based on relationships but on choices. So I'm only writing variations for the choices you make as MC-- not for the stats that are behind the scenes! These types of scenes are significantly easier to write than the ones above. Even though I'm needing to write the multiple ways a scene can play out, it's not quite as repetitive as the check-in scenes are, nor do they take as long to finish as the Companion + Hobbies scenes.

Linear Scene: I don't write much of these in comparison to the others, but it's exactly what it sounds like. These tends to be scenes from other character's POV where there are no choices-- and, if there are choices (Like the Freedom removal scene in Chapter 5 pt. 1) then they don't have any actual affect on the scene and how it plays out. These are incredibly easy to write, and usually I'm able to finish them in a single sitting!

That's all for this week. Thanks for reading! :)

[c-e-d-dreamer]

20 Questions for Writers tag game!

Shout-out to @foundress0fnothing for the tag!

How many works do you have on AO3? 71 total fics

What’s your total AO3 word count? 813,023 total words (this is absurdity... whomst allowed this?)

What fandoms do you write for? I used to write for the One Direction and All For The Game fandoms, but I basically only write for ACOTAR now

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? I mean technically all my top fics are One Direction ones just because it was/is such a large fandom.... So I'll call out my kid-fic one shot as my top top fic, but we'll focus on ACOTAR for the other four: Let Our Hearts, Like Doors, Open Wide (aka Nessian kid-fic); Falling For Your Fools Gold (Nessian pirates); And They Were Roommates, OMG, They Were Roommates (Nessian roommates/friends to lovers); Baby Now We Got Bad Blood (Cassian stands up to Rhys)

Do you respond to comments? I try to? I'll be honest, I am so so so bad about it! Ha ha. I often end up responding super late because I go on reply sprees on AO3. This is reminding me I need to go on a reply spree on AO3....

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Angsty ending? Me? Nah... not 'round here. I am a HEA ONLY girlie

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I would say Let Our Hearts, Like Doors, Open Wide has the happiest ending! I mean marriage? Adoption? So cute and soft and happy

Do you get hate on fics? Ha ha ha ha! Laughs in Rhysta... Literally every single time I mention Rhysta, let alone post updates to my Rhysta fic, my inbox becomes a war zone! Like excuuuuuuse ME for thinking that Nesta and Rhys should work through their hate by fucking nasty! Y'all just hate FUN!

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? (stares into the camera like I'm on the office) . . . . Anyways! Remember back in 2021? When I was but a baby in the ACOTAR fandom? And I said I would never write smut? What a time, what a time....

Do you write crossovers? Not yet, but every day I think about Nessian in the AFTG Universe/as Exy players....

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Thankfully not

Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Back when I was in the One Direction fandom, some friends and I started a group fic, but we never finished it lol

What is your all-time favorite ship? Nessian my beloveds.... even what SJM did to you in ACOSF could never make me hate you

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? So last year I started a canonverse/ACOFAS fix-it fic, and I think about it all the time. I have it all plotted and so many snippets of dialogue and scenes saved in my Notes App, but other WIPs always take precedent so I never really revisit it and I really really really want to. I just need to like lock myself away for a month and focus on fics only

What are your writing strengths? Outlining and dialogue I would say? I love plotting out a fic start to finish and I feel like I can always hear character's voices in my head for dialogue

What are your writing weaknesses? Really delving into character's feelings. I feel like that's something that's always missing. That introspective POV, ya know?

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I don't speak any other languages so I myself don't do it, but I do love when other writers do "Illyrian" in fics

First fandom you wrote for? One Direction! Way back in 2012....

Favorite fic you’ve written? I'm not going to lie, this is like impossible to answer.... just because it didn't make the Top 5, and I want to call it out, I'll go with But I'm Only Looking At You. You can never go wrong with Scottish Cassian

Tagging with no pressure: @moodymelanist @kale-theteaqueen @unhealthyfanobsession @whyisaravenlike-awritingdesk @jsmelodies @wishcamper

[cobaltrequiem]

I meant to send this yesterday but as someone who has loved bioshock for years I’m genuinely very curious to hear your thoughts on the games if you’re up for sharing some of them

OMG HI sorry I didn't see this in my ask box! Thanks for the ask @sand-worms and appologies for the rambling ahead!

The first BioShock game is my favourite out of the whole series, but that's partially because I'm quite sentimental about it. It was one of the first "serious" games that I had ever played. I was a teenager and before that point I was only allowed to play "family friendly" games. BioShock was one of the first games I bought with my own money on my own console (a switch lite I saved up for myself), and it was wonderful. The way it wasn't afraid to be overtly political and it wasn't afraid to frighten or challenge the player. It didn't treat you like an idiot.

I soaked up every aspect of it. The gameplay. The setting. The area designs. The characters. The messages that it wore on its sleeve. And the story, god the story! I was completely transfixed by it.

I finished it in two days, and I still consider it to be one of my top 5 games of all time. I wrote an essay on it's themes for my higher english course, and still regularly think about it.

It is one of the two games ever that has caused me to have an epiphany about videogames, not as simply an enojyable experience but as art, and truthfully I cannot bring myself to replay it. My first experience with it was so thorough and meaningful that I cannot bring myself to replay it. I know it wouldn't be the same. You were beautiful and I can never play you again.

I played BioShock 2 shortly after, and was initially quite disapointed at it for not being BioShock 1. You could tell that the story was written after 1 and that bugged me. Its political messaging also didn't seem as pointed to me.

However, throughout the course of the game I grew to really appreciate it's differences. The personal connection between Elanor and Subject Delta was incredibly touching. The choices in the game felt more meaningful and gave it an aspect of replayability that the first BioShock game did not have. The gameplay aditions were also great! I loved using the drill in particular, it was an incredibly satisfying weapon to use. It's story about altruism also resonated with me despite the slow start and I thought the adition of multiple endings (that didn't hinge on "is murdering children bad?") was also great.

BioShock 2 only took me a single day to complete, I sat down for 10 hours and played it all the way through with very few breaks, and I do seriously intend to revisit it - I own a copy for the xbox 360 now which should be infinitely better than playing on a switch lite. Overall its a very well made game, it just doesn't hold the same place in my heart as the original.

BioShock Infinite haunts me.

It's a game that had so much potential. The religious horror. The game's aesthetics. Playing a character that talked and reacted to things!

I went in with high hopes and loved it initially. I had a very personal experience with it too, albeit in a very different way. When I was a young child my dad bought a copy of BioShock Infinite shortly after it released and I would sit in the living room while he played it. It terrified me.

I have particularly vivid memories of the scene at the fair, it was maybe one of the first genuinely terrifying things I'd seen in a piece of media. It was a foundational memory for me and is perhaps where some of my love of horror comes from as an adult because it didn't just scare me to the point of tears, it fascinated me. The gore laden glory kills and the mechanised patriots were similarly horrifying but I never stopped watching. There was something alluring about this game I shouldn't have been seeing.

I really wanted to like BioShock Infinite but just couldn't. The story at times seemed like an excuse to get you from one point to another, the fence sitting centrist politics were tiring, and it tried to do everything at once.

BioShock Infinite was not a good game, but it was mediocre in an interesting way and that has stuck with me.

It wanted to be a political drama. It wanted to be high concept sci-fi. It wanted to be religious horror.

The area design made you feel like you were going around in circles. Vigours had very little story or gameplay relevance making them seem like a pointless adition clearly only meant to imitate plasmids. It didn't feel like a BioShock game but despite all of that it had potential. So many different ideas went into it, so many interesting storybeats and scenes and themes went into it but it just ended up feeling muddy and convoluted.

I can pick out so many things I like about it, so many things that are interesting and could have been amazing but weren't

Not too long ago I read a post from someone on this site. Something along the lines of "a good game will stay with you for a week, but a game that's mediocre in an interesting way will stick with you for life"

My dad never finished BioShock Infinite, but I did. I still think about it to this day.

[brainrotarchive]

‘cause reading is what? fundamental! (15/30)

I’m at the halfway point of my 2024 reading goal so here’s the unserious book review nobody asked for! I’m so proud that I read that many books already despite the all consuming urge to read fanfiction every single day.

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde: 4/5 ✨

objectively an amazing read I just went through a rough time and didn’t enjoy it the way I could’ve?

The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman: 4/5 🦇

kind of the same problem here but I also didn’t fully get it. I still had a really good time while reading and some scenes seriously shocked me. like sir, this is a children’s book. I was scared.

The Big Reveal by Sasha Velour: 5/5 💅

This was artistry at an insane level and it came to me at exactly the right time. A wonderful read and also beautiful to look at. I got to see the live show as well and it was everything I could’ve wished for and more. knowing this book has changed me. no notes, go read it!

Coraline by Neil Gaiman: 5/5 🪡

do i have to tell anyone that neil ATE with that one? my only issue is that I got really sad because I never read it when I was a kid. groundbreaking, stunning.

Narayama by Shichiro Fukazawa: 3.5/5 ⛰️

very short read and very different to what I’m usually into but I still enjoyed it. interesting read for sure but it didn’t have an impact like some of the others.

If Cats Disappeared From The World by Genki Kawamura: 3.5/5 🐱

It was all in all a fun read, a bit funny a bit sad but sometimes a bit cringey. Don’t want to imagine a world without cats.

Die Physiker by Friedrich Dürrenmatt: 5/5 👨‍🔬

reread this because I love it. the superior german classic, funny, murderous, critical. the best book I was forced to read in highschool.

How Much Land Does A Man Need by Leo Tolstoy: 4/5 💸

interesting, short, anti-capitalist - slay.

This Is How You Lose The Time War by Amal El-Mothar & Max Gladstone: 4/5 ⏰

lesbians in time and space? I live. I will probably read it a second time instead of listen to it as an audio book and savour it more. It’s beautifully written.

The Fall of Icarus by Ovid

impossible to give a star rating for me. It was a nice excerpt from the metamorphoses and a nice literary translation.

Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde: 5/5 🔥

I’m obsessed with this book, I think about her words all the time and can’t stop talking about it. My most stimulating feminist read in a long long time, maybe forever. I will write an essay about this and I’d slither over just to watch this book eat cake.

Lessons by Ian McEwan: 3.5/5 🎹

I finished it today and I was trying to get through it since march. my rating might change but it didn’t have to be that long. Ian McEwan is my nemesis ever since I read nutshell. his style is good and i can’t deny that but his mind is twisted. I found some of the themes in the book fascinating but overall I think a book about a man’s life will just never actually speak to me personally. I’m very conflicted because despite all that it did trigger some thinking and during some scenes I was invested.

Rubinrot/Saphirblau/Smaragdgrün by Kerstin Gier: 💎

no star rating because I will never be able to look past the obsessive love I felt for this book series when I was 10 years old. kerstin but crack for my brain in between these pages. Revisiting the story brought me so much joy and I was mothering my inner child. sadness is temporary, enemies to lovers time travel romance is forever. go read your childhood favourites, it’s so much fun!

feel free to recommend books for the second half of the year and fight me if you want.

[sibyl-of-space]

It's time for me to go to bed. And that means everybody gets a Procrastination Essay No One Asked For About Sonic Adventure 1 for the SEGA Dreamcast!

This game is one of my super mega ultra all-time favorites. Every single time I revisit it, I am so afraid that my love for it is entirely nostalgia goggles and it will lose its charm this time around, and every single time, I just have the time of my life because the game really is great. It is so fun. It does some very cool things. It is kind of stupid but it takes itself seriously, and that is very endearing and a million times more interesting than a game that's too afraid of being perceived as cringe to be sincere.

I love basically everything about it. I painted Big the Cat on my Dreamcast and even that is not enough to communicate my vast love for this game.

MANY WORDS BELOW CUT. Visuals, audio, gameplay, I love all of it.

Visuals

The game came out in 1998. It looks like a game that came out in 1998. But the world and character designs are fantastic and the world is so detailed. I could genuinely spend hours just moving around on the Egg Carrier overworld map appreciating all the gadgets and gizmos moving around that are purely 100% set dressing. It makes up for what it lacks in polygons with cool textures and fun trinkets everywhere. The animated CGs genuinely look amazing, and you can forgive the rest of it considering the game came out in 1998.

I also love the splash screens you get after finishing each route. They're so good.

(It goes without saying that the game looks its best on a CRT. There are some really cool lighting effects CRTs just capture better.)

Audio

It obviously has an insanely good soundtrack of just nonstop banger after banger. It also has a very 1998 dub and the sound mixing and implementation are some of the worst you'll ever hear. Eggman has like 5 voice lines that are re-used in every scene he's in. But who can complain about that when they're listening to the likes of "Bad Taste Aquarium"? Literally nobody. Who cares. Every single song slaps.

"But Leo half the time the songs start and stop mid-cutscene because of how the game handles loading" who cares. I can forgive just about ANYTHING a game does in terms of audio implementation if it has a song as good as "Bad Taste Aquarium" in its soundtrack.

Narrative

Setting aside the fact that the story is kind of stupid, I really think we need to appreciate the way it tells it. The way this game has you play through the same story from everyone's different perspective, and how the scenes that overlap actually play out differently depending on who you play as, is so big brain. You don't get the full picture of what's happening until you've played as everybody, and there is no "big group of heroes collectively take on the bad guy" until the very very end Super Sonic story... until then, it's just different people having wildly different journeys that overlap here and there and are all part of a single, bigger story.

That's just cool ass storytelling. Everyone loves to bitch about my good friend Big the Cat but the entire point is that this extremely chill guy who loves to fish and just wants to save his friend was caught up in this Adventure, and he was a small but vital part of it, and it affected him differently than it affected everybody else because he had a different reason for being involved. But that goes for everybody! Everyone's story has an arc with a start and a finish, and most of them don't come close to being involved in the whole thing. Even SONIC doesn't see everything (he doesn't have a Hot Shelter level at all). Knuckles's story ends on a really cool note, with him going "I may never know the full story of what happened here, but maybe it's better that way." Or something close to that.

I also just love the concept of benevolent protector water god goes apeshit at people, as well as the concept of a ghost from thousands of years ago trying to right ancient wrongs. Chaos and Tikal are great.

Gameplay

The thing I love about Sonic Adventure is that every single character is really fun to play. This comes at the "cost" of what you might call "balance," in that half of the characters are broken as fuck and you can just disregard the very concept of platforming with most of them. I couldn't really care less about that because I just enjoy how fun it is to play as everyone.

Sonic Adventure 2 understandably put Tails in a mech because outside of it he is too damn broken. Sonic Adventure 1 lets you play as him anyway, and it rules.

The ONLY gripe I have about the gameplay is that Big the Cat does not have the means to harm robots (because he is too nice and chill to do that), but as a result he is unable to collect animals to give the chao. I cannot think of a single character in the Sonic the Hedgehog universe who would be better suited to raise chao than Big the Cat, but Big the Cat is unable to give them animals to power up. This is a tragedy.

Overall

Sonic Adventure is a masterpiece. Every time I play it I'm like "this is the greatest game that has ever been made." The parts of it that are clunky, awkward, kind of dumb, or very dated are still endearing because it tries to do so many things that you really just have to respect it. This is the kind of game that is fantastic whether you sit down and play it straight through from plot point to plot point or you spend three hours throwing that statue around Station Square into oncoming traffic.

Of course it's not polished. It tries to do way too many cool ass things all at once to be polished. It is WAY too ambitious to be polished. That's what makes it so good. It's perfect exactly the way it is and the fact that people will play this incredible game and go "lol, 3D Sonic sucks" is a good reminder that gamers will bitch about anything and you should never care about what gamers have to say when making games.

Big the Cat has glow-in-the-dark eyes. Game of all time.

[mindibindi]

Your thoughts about Wild Blue Yonder are so interesting! I also wondered whether Donna could see the memories but was choosing not to.

After watching a few (okay, many) times more, I don’t think she is. To me, the line about it being like a furnace conjured images of something bright and hot, something she couldn’t keep her eyes on, something every instinct in her tells her to look away from. (Part of me wonders if this isn’t part of the metacrisis. The doctor told the master “did you really think i would leave my best friend without a defense?” when her memories could have been triggered - is that barrier still up despite her having let go of the energy? idk)

But I love the idea that she could know, and chooses, in some ways, not to. Out of respect for his privacy, worry over what she’d find, wanting to give him the chance to tell her himself.

These specials have given us so many little details to play with and speculate about and I can’t wait to see what happens next!

Yeah, I think the scene could be read both (or multiple) ways. And as the episode stated, a human brain can do/hold two (or more) possibilities at one time. So I like the idea of Donna choosing to respect the Doctor's privacy, even if it's an unconscious choice, an instinctive one, one she makes partially for her own preservation and partially for the health of their newly reinstated relationship. This is what you get when you put actors like Tennant and Tate together tho. This is what you get with good writing, good characterisation. You get texture, possibility, richness, intrigue, subtlety, mystery. Because yeah, these two are both as silly and goofy and ridiculous as each other. They're fun and funny and endlessly entertaining. But they are also sensitive, mature, thoughtful, unique actors. They can play the biggest comedy then turn around and break your heart with a single, silent look. Having them back for the specials has been SUCH. A. GIFT. Especially since returning to old ground (as is the nostalgic fashion in these bleak end times) does not always go well. But RTD has given these two some great material and then just put them on a big stage (literally, in the case of Wild Blue Yonder) and let them make their particular brand of magic. And as you say, I think we will be rewatching these specials, revisiting the funny and poignant moments they've provided and discussing them for weeks/months/years to come. If I'm honest, I don't feel like I've quite caught up with everything that has happened. You could say it's like looking into a furnace. It's been bright and fast and funny and moving and surprising and everything it needed to be. And I'm still processing so much, including (but not limited to):

They're back! (Donna & the Doctor! In the TARDIS!)

Donna remembers everything (and didn't die!!)

Donna & Rose giving regeneration realness

The LOOKS (of angst and love and more!!)

The kisses (hand! & head!!)

The hugs (they missed e/o SO much!)

"Earth Girl" (I didn't know how much I needed that until they gave it to me)

The continually incredible work of Catherine Tate's hair

They've given us so much, after such a long wait, and this weekend they're gonna give us MORE. And then they're gonna take it all away again and I'm really not ready at all.

[missparker]

For the Unusual Fic-Specific Asks For Authors

Perspective Flip: I’ll write a scene from [that fic] from another character’s point-of-view

Would you consider doing Sharon’s point of view for The Hug™️ in Brenda’s bedroom from “where I’m going now, I don’t know”? If not, that’s totally ok! (I know that might not be one you want to revisit!) But, regardless I feel like I just want you to know that that scene is probably one of my absolute favorites I have ever read in fic or book. The tension, everything that’s led to that point, the absolute anticipation and intimacy is something I think about on a weekly basis. I can actually feel that scene, and I still hold my breath every single time I read it.💜

this made me like, GASP with excitement tbh

Sharon’s prediction, made over coffee and croissants with Charlie one morning while Brenda slept, was that Bobby and Joyce coming to visit would be good for Brenda in the long run, but perhaps set her back emotionally in the short term.

“We know she loves us,” Charlie said of the Johnson clan as a whole, “but we also know that she’s not much for visiting.” 

Sharon thinks that it’s not the actual visiting that Brenda finds off-putting, but the time and the distance. Brenda’s family was always too far away, but even when they came to her, she worked through it all. 

However, Brenda’s workaholic days seem to be behind her. Perhaps the best thing to come out of this overall shitty situation. 

Sharon’s plan is to give the Johnsons space but she’s too curious to stay out of it completely, so she calls Brenda just to make sure everyone has arrived and been collected safely and earns a desperate dinner invitation for her trouble. Brenda’s high-pitched, casual tone is far more concerning than if they’d just spoken normally. 

She’s worried that the keen observational skills that Brenda and, to a slightly lesser extent, Charlie have is a Johnson trait and that Brenda’s brother will take one look at her and know what’s in her heart. That she is and always has been harboring untoward thoughts about his sister. 

Sharon dresses nicely for dinner. She doesn’t dress up, but she wears her designer jeans and the tailored blouse and spends a few extra minutes curling the ends of her hair. She let the sales lady in Sephora convince her that black eyeliner was too severe for her complexion and brown too dull, so she’d purchased a plum colored eyeliner to smudge into her lash line and she hates to admit that the woman was right and her green eyes do pop with minimal effort. 

She stands on the porch for just a moment, wondering if she shouldn’t ring the doorbell, but that feels strange she gives a courtesy knock and lets herself in. The door is unlocked, of course, because it always is. It’s like Brenda wants to get murdered in the night. 

Bobby Johnson looks so much like his sister that it’s a little disorienting at first. He’s taller than Brenda but only by a few inches. He has the same build, rail thin and wiry. The same coloring, the same wide mouth and deep set eyes. She remembers him from the funeral, but Sharon hadn’t sat that close to the family and everyone looks different in funeral clothes. 

Introductions are made. Charlie is obviously nervous because she’s made a feast and keeps darting in and out of the kitchen, the backyard, her bedroom, never staying more than a few moments. She’s wearing the apron that Sharon got her for her birthday. Williams-Sonoma, a crossback chambray that she’d tucked into a whole basket of kitchen things. Sharon can see the little egg timer shaped like a peach sitting on the window sill now. 

Dinner is delicious and the backyard glows warmly with string lights as the sun goes down. It all seems to be going fine at first, until Charlie’s mother starts asking pointed questions about what Charlie’s doing with her life out here in California and Brenda excuses herself and never comes back.

Of the two Johnson women that Sharon has grown so fond of, Charlie is the one most able to hold her own, so Sharon leaves the table too, carrying her plate and setting it in the sink. Brenda isn’t in the kitchen or the living room and the bathroom door is ajar. When Sharon doesn’t see her in the bedroom either, she feels a tendril of worry and moves to go make sure Brenda’s car is still in the drive way and she isn’t speeding toward Mexico, but then she sees her out of the corner of her eye, back against the wall, partially obscured by the open door.

She’s about to ask if Brenda is okay, but Brenda raises a finger to her lips and points to the open window. Then she extends her hand and Sharon takes it. Brenda gives her a good tug and she steps forward, and suddenly they’re flush. Sharon feels her heart jump as her blood starts to pump. Brenda reaches out and puts her arms around Sharon, so she does the same, melting into the hug.

Brenda smells like sunshine, like sunscreen and blooming jasmine and freshly cut grass. Sharon wants to put her face into Brenda’s neck and breathe deeply. She wants to run her tongue along Brenda’s jaw and slide her hands into all those blonde curls, but of course, she won’t. She squeezes harder in an effort to hold herself in place, on good behavior. 

And then, as if Brenda has read her mind, Brenda turns and pushes her face into Sharon’s neck. Sharon’s entire body roars to life. She can feel every pore, every hair stand on end, every blood vessel swell. Her breath hitches and she tries to hold it together. 

Out the window, she hears Charlie say something, but she couldn’t say what. 

Brenda sighs and her breath is hot on Sharon’s neck. Sharon drags her hand up Brenda’s spine and she can feel each vertebrae through the fabric and skin. Brenda’s so warm and alive and as she moves her hand back down, she finds the hem of Brenda’s shirt.

When her hand moves back up, it slips under the fabric and slides along Brenda’s skin. Sharon didn’t mean to, she just can’t help herself. Brenda whimpers and arches her back, her breasts pushing into Sharon’s. 

What are they doing? What are they doing? What are they doing? Why is Brenda torturing her like this? Does she know how Sharon feels? Did Charlie spill the beans? Is Brenda screwing with her? What are they doing?  

Sharon feels the band of Brenda’s bra and Brenda’s exhale is a shuddery groan. 

“Shh,” Sharon says softly. She doesn’t want to get caught and she certainly doesn’t want whatever is happening to stop. Her mouth is so close to Brenda’s ear. She presses her nose behind it, rubbing lightly, drunk on the smell of her. 

Brenda twitches, like maybe she’s going to push Sharon away, but instead she puts her hands into Sharon’s hair and squeezes and Sharon can feel it in her scalp and then, in response, pleasure shoots down her spine and settles low. She’s breathing hard now, trying to suppress every urge in her body. Does Brenda even know what’s happening right now? Is she in there or is her brain locked away someplace safe where nothing can hurt her and her body is acting on autopilot… Sharon hopes not. She hopes that she’s the only one Brenda would touch like this. 

She scratches the skin of Brenda’s back and when Brenda’s feet slide apart, Sharon’s body reacts and she angles her knee between Brenda’s thighs. Brenda sinks down with a whimper and Sharon can feel her, feel her center hot through Brenda’s cotton pants and the thick, dark denim covering Sharon’s legs. She wants to push hard against Brenda, wants Brenda to grind against her until she comes, Sharon’s tongue in her mouth to catch the sound.

They haven’t even kissed. 

She pulls her hands out of Brenda’s shirt and cups her face instead, searching her eyes and hoping to find the answer. Is Brenda ready for Sharon to kiss her? Does she want it at all? Brenda’s eyes are glassy and her pink lips are parted, her breath coming out in little gasps. 

It would be easy to kiss her now. But Brenda’s family is just on the other side of that wall, and Brenda looks dazed and lost and it wouldn’t be right. 

Just as the arousal overtook her with lightning speed, Sharon now feels defeat coursing through her and she lets her head fall, landing on Brenda’s shoulder. Brenda hugs her again, their hearts beating fast and in sync. 

“We should go save her,” Brenda whispers. 

Sharon moves back, giving them some space and they part piece by piece until all contact is lost and all that’s left of the moment is Sharon’s tousled hair and Brenda’s wild, dark eyes. 

this fic got published, for the one person left on earth who doesn't know that. buy it here!

[jils-things]

happy new year! ; my farewell letter to 2023.

last year, ive written a similar farewell letter to 2022 and i want to make this a little tradition - so here's my second one <3

okay, so - wow. first of all, just wow.

this might be incredibly bold to say, but i think this has been my best year to be alive (i promise you i do not want to sound corny about it, but i really think 2023 was amazing for me.) of course, many things happened. im at my last year of senior high before i go to college, which is very scary but i hope i can be brave for it. school has been actually very generous to me recently, despite a few minor setbacks that looked very major when i was going through it, but overall it was very generous to me. but irl rambling is boring, so let's talk about my selfshipping blog!

last year, i had a verrrry firm grip on a previous f/o that im 100% sure old followers know - though im a little sad I can't find that spark to focus on him again - the shift in media has helped me find new f/os that i can say has been incredibly memorable to me. as we all know, im in a very INSANE pokemon brainrot since november or october(?) of 2022 and it has still remained heavily active in my head right now - which i honestly didn't even know i had the full capacity of doing! I don't know what magic this game did to me but i promise you im so happy i revisited this game again.

i would talk about how grateful i am to everyone has been supportive and sweet about my romantic f/os but i think the best highlight of my blog is my newfound love for my familial f/os - before that, i never had a single one on my list because i was simply quite disconnected to the family love concept, but after indulging myself in pokemon - i would come to discover pokemon adve.ntures, or poke.spe for short hehe. i have so many fond memories of finding myself wanting to read more and MORE - i would have every chapter downloaded beforehand just so that i can read it in my spare time, not even school that demanded my attention would stop me from sneaking my phone to quickly read through the manga LMAOO - but consuming the media itself wasn't enough, i needed people to understand the ROLLERCOASTER of emotions i had while reading and well, i think its very clear who those people were, the ones who came to save my miserable ass from (insert shocking scene in poke.spe) AHSJHSHSJSJS you know who you are and i appreciate you forever and they - i kid you not, helped me create something wonderful!

but of course, the video games were just as amazing. would you believe me if i told you i played gens 1 to 7 in one year? that's how much i adore the game and i still have yet to catch up to other games like the spin offs :] im not sure how to end this statement but. im so happy appleshipping and memoryshipping exists 🥹 i usually don't like thinking that they'll be with me forever because i believe nothing lasts for eternity but i just wanna say that they were just ... im just so contented 🥹 again, all of this actually would not have been so impactful to me if it weren't for my awesome mutuals hearing me out about it and supplying me with even more ideas - these mutuals would also end up becoming such loving friends of mine that helped me get out of my comfort zone and im still happy they're around (hi guys!) 💚

oh! and, what a surprise, i never thought id have an oc f/o! i initially thought that this was so impossible to do but?!??;?! it just happened i guess!!!! i keep surprising myself this year 😭

ok now here's the obligatory art summary for the year 💥

literally the best thing i ever done with my art is try using csp and it actually really helped me change the way i draw, and i even managed to cross out a few items in my last year's resolution thanks to it! i still bounce between using ibispaint and csp but i certainly improved!

the last thing im forever grateful about are the people who has been consistently supportive of my art - especially the commissions, i can't stress it enough how much it has helped me outside and it allowed me to go beyond my comfort zone when it comes to my drawing skills :']] thank you all so much

and finally, big thank you to everyone who sent me nice letters to my tree 🥹💚 its a gentle reminder that im actually ... pretty cool ig 🥹 and if you didn't send one, that's also ok!! you're still cool for reading this mwamwa

again im so bad at ending posts like these but cheers to a new year and let's hope it'll be better for everyone. 💚🫡 goodbye 2023!