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urstruly-ghst · 3 days ago

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peek-a-boo ! - dorm leaders

in which you like hiding in the most random places and surprising them

authors note: like they're gonna be so mad but ykw they love u

ALSO OMG 1K FOLLOWERS ??!! ty everyoneee <3!

riddle rosehearts

you're lucky, riddle notes, he is used to these antics from che'nya. he was so blessed to know those tactics, because riddle wouldn't know what to do if he was unprepared of this situation: you were hanging upside down because you hid on top of his closet!

smiling and humming happily, you edge close to the very end of the closet door; as if you're taunting him.

"heyyy riddle!"

"you get down this instant and be careful!" riddle said mortified as he started pulling his pillows and duvets to the ground to cushion your fall. you jumped and riddle yelled and used his magic to make you float.

"my rose..." he said with a glare as his heart thumped hard against his chest. "never do that again."

leona kingscholar

herbivore is what he calls you, however he feels like that calling you "kitten" is now appropriate. you act like some juvenile kitten who just saw the world. though, leona isn't keen on that behaviour.

leona is on the verge of assigning ruggie to you now, with how your conquest to fright him with the many times you put yourself in places you shouldn't be in. for example, the dorm's tall trees.

"herbivore!" leona growled as his heart sank when he heard from ruggie you disappeared somewhere in the dorm. you whistle and shake a bit to signal to leona you were up on the tree.

"hey, kingscholar!" you said smugly as you lounged atop the tree. leona felt scared and irritated, why must you make things difficult before he has to nap or practice? he struck the tree and made into sand before catching you, his grunt and your wide eyed stare was enough to send the dorm into a frenzy.

"you are not leaving my side, understood?" leona said as he wrapped his tail around you.

azul ashengrotto

azul is still trying to get used to how legs work and being in high up places. so why must you torture him and hide in the most inconvenient of places? the most outrageous was his laundry basket, which mind you, now smells like you! (not that he minds, but still!)

he's trying to find you in the vast dorm room, azul curses his extensive dorm sometimes when it came to how you hide. azul thinks that floyd is also helping you, which is worse, now he has to deal with double the trouble.

"beryl...? come on out, we have plans remember?" azul calls out a bit wary and frustrated that it was dead silent and you may have been hiding for too long. oh, sevens, you may be hungry!

"boo." you say as you grab onto his ankles, azul shrieked and fell. his legs failing him, you giggle as you crawl out of the bottom of some floor board? azul glared as he recovered composure.

"we're making a new deal." azul says as he readies himself to make a contract with one new rule: stop sneaking up on him.

kalim al asim

it wasn't kalim's problem to find you, jamil or someone else does. it infuriates jamil that kalim joins in on your little escapades. sometimes you make it a contest to see if one can hide longer.

though, kalim does get scared sometimes. you learned some tricks from him too, and it is a disadvantage to him especially when you disappear for too long. for example, right now, you're nowhere to be seen and his spacious dorm makes the search even more difficult.

"sunshine? sunshineee?" kalim echoes in the hallway, jamil also on a search for you on the other end of the dorm. it was fun at first but it was concerning and record-breaking. kalim turned a corner and a plant grabbed onto him. kalim nearly flooded the plant until he realized it was you.

"easyy, baby!" you say as he almost sent a flood your way. kalim sighed in relief, and smiled brightly because you now were found!

"yeah, well... you know how i am with being alone!" kalim giggled nervously, as if to remind you of his status and what that entails. you nodded and said "oh" with the realization. lesson learned i guess?

vil schoenheit

you're lovable, vil would say, as his patience thin at the prospect of you disappearing. usually, it was easy to find you. predictable is what vil calls your hiding skills. also, rook hunt happily indulges in the request of finding you (unfair with his unique magic.)

today, however, vil was on his own trying to find you in the dorm. he was an expert at the little nooks and crannies of the dorm. however he was bested because you dropped by, literally, in front of him effectively startling him.

"kya!" vil said as he brought out his wand ready to attack. you smile as you brush yourself off, falling from the chandelier. he sputtered before glaring. vil checked your vitals and tried to see if any injury was there.

"hiya sweetie!" you chirped and vil clicks his tongue as he carefully inspected you. once he's done, he flicks your forehead with a glare.

"don't 'sweetie' me, potato. you could've been hurt. now, come. we are overdue for a good scolding and pampering" vil said with a glare as if he is making note of a new potion to stop your hiding tendency.

idia shroud

frankly, idia thinks you're insane. he even straight up considers bringing you to a facility to check up on your mental capacity. why? who hides in a room filled with computers with no jacket? do you know how cold those rooms are? idia and ortho found you smiling as you hid in some closet box where the power supply is.

and trust, idia keeps you under lock and key after that. but you had your ways, you'd hide under the desk, the bed. behind his clothes, anything. it came to the point idia made a software called, "find prefect."

"oh geez. ortho boot up find prefect" idia said as he saw how you're not in his room again. idia was jittery knowing that you'd bribe ortho into not revealing where you are for a prank, which ortho seems to love lately.

as ortho boots up, it takes a while, you surprise him by covering his eyes. a loud shriek occurred as the lights turned off too. idia burns up and ortho giggled as he finally finished booting up

"prefect is 4 centimeters away from your location!"

malleus draconia

how adorable, malleus says, as you try to hide from his careful eye. he's quite used to lilia and his hiding skills, so you can't hide no matter how hard you try. yet, malleus entertains this folly and pretends to be shocked whenever you try to spook him.

though, malleus gets concerned by how you take risks in hiding at the most obsecure of places. his personal fright was you hiding by the moat because it was the least expected. as malleus dries you up, he shakes his head and gently scolds you.

"you have to admit, the moat is a good place to hide" you chide as malleus uses his magic to lift you away from the moat. you drip from being sprung from the water and shiver at the wind.

"it is quite the unexpected turn. but i'd rather have my dear child of man safe and dry." malleus scolds as he dries you up and pinches your cheek to scold you.

"ahh fine" you surrender, knowing you really can't fight his logic, you were starting to cramp up from trying to stay afloat.

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slaytheday12 · 3 days ago

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you being a famous actress and walker gets caught saving edits of you

Caught in 4K

Being a famous actress at 16 was equal parts thrilling and exhausting. You loved acting, loved the magic of bringing stories to life, but the constant attention that came with it? That was something you were still getting used to. The interviews, the photoshoots, the premieres it was all a whirlwind.

But what you hadn’t expected was for Walker Scobell yes, the star of the Percy Jackson series and everyone’s favorite funny guy to get caught in the chaos of your fame.

It started innocently enough. You’d met Walker briefly at a comic-con event a few months ago. You were there promoting your latest film, and he was there hyping up his role as Percy. You were both part of a panel featuring young Hollywood stars, and you hit it off almost immediately. Walker’s goofy humor paired with his genuine kindness made him easy to talk to, and by the end of the day, you’d exchanged numbers.

Since then, you’d kept in casual contact—mostly lighthearted texts and the occasional comment on each other’s Instagram posts. You liked him. Maybe more than you were willing to admit. But with both of your schedules, it was hard to imagine anything more than a friendship.

That was, until one fateful Saturday afternoon when Walker decided to go live on Instagram.

You weren’t watching at first. You were curled up on your couch, scrolling through TikTok and eating a bowl of cereal. But then your phone buzzed with notifications. And kept buzzing.

The texts from your friends were frantic:

Erick: OMG ARE YOU SEEING THIS? Lydia: HAHAHAHAHA THIS IS ICONIC. CHECK TWITTER.

Confused, you opened Twitter and immediately saw your name trending. Clicking the hashtag, you were greeted with a flood of screenshots and screen recordings. Apparently, during Walker’s livestream, he’d been scrolling through his tabs, trying to show his fans a funny meme. But instead of a meme, he’d accidentally revealed his camera roll.

And there, for all the world to see, were saved edits of you. The internet had exploded.

“WALKER SCOBELL SAVING Y/N EDITS??? I’M SCREAMING.” “Not him being just like us 🥹😭.” “We lost him.”

You couldn’t stop laughing as you scrolled through the memes and reactions. It was embarrassing for him, sure, but also kind of… sweet? He’d always been one of your biggest supporters, hyping you up in interviews and talking about how talented you were. But saving edits? That was next-level fan behavior.

Your phone buzzed again. A text from Walker.

Walker: So… uh… about my camera roll. You: Oh, you mean the part where the entire internet found out you’re my biggest fan? Yeah, I saw it. 😂 Walker: In my defense, those edits were really well-done. You: Sure, sure. It had nothing to do with me being in them, right? 😉 Walker: …Okay, fine. Maybe I think you’re cool. And talented. And pretty.

Your heart skipped a beat. You tried to play it cool, though.

You: Walker Scobell, are you flirting with me? Walker: Is it working? You: …Maybe.

The conversation continued, playful and teasing, but there was an undercurrent of something real beneath the banter.

Later that night, Walker posted a follow-up story on Instagram, addressing the incident.

“So, yeah, I got caught saving edits of Y/N. And, honestly? I regret nothing. She’s awesome, okay? If you were me, wouldn’t you save those edits too?”

The fans went wild. The comments were full of people shipping you two, demanding you date, and creating even more edits.

What the fans didn’t know was that Walker had texted you again after his post.

Walker: So… dinner sometime? You: Only if you promise to make your own edits of me next time. Walker: Deal.

What started as an embarrassing moment turned into something far more exciting. Maybe the internet had caught Walker in 4K, but for once, you were glad they did.

A/N: HI thank u for the request.

Tags: @izzystylinson, @sophand4n4, @kaiwrites092

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bamgyuuuri · 14 hours ago

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hiii can u do the boys when they love another member’s gf? i love angst hehe and i love your works!

⤷ washing machine heart ┈ ot5.

pairings and tags. lovesick!ot5 x members'!gf . angst . yearning . guilt . suppressing feelings . denial . longing . inner turmoil/conflict . lmk if i missed any!!

word count. 0.9k

short note ... AAA i love love love this req! thank you so much for sending me this, anon! and so so sorry that this took so long too T_T nevertheless, i hope u like it <3

soobin .ᐟ

my soobie toobie woobie :( i feel like he would be the type to silently shoulder his emotions, sometimes even trying his hardest to convince himself that his feelings aren't real or that they didn't matter. he'd go and overanalyze every interaction, making sure he isn't overstepping any boundaries he made himself,,, around her, even with the others present, he'd be more reserved and shy, his usual easygoing demeanor replaced by nervous laughter, maybe even going as far as avoiding eye contact altogether or making up excuses to leave the room. he would also maintain a safe distance, actively making sure he's never put in the same room as her. in the end, he'll choose to simply suppress his emotions and feelings entirely, prioritizing the happiness of his dear friend and the peace of the group over his own </3

yeonjun .ᐟ

oh jjunie,,, at first, he'd be in denial; he'll try to convince and tell himself that it was just his fleeting thoughts, that his heart totally did not just do multiple flips after seeing one of his bestfriend's girlfriend smile of all people. but the more he dwells on that thought, the deeper his feelings become, until it's too much to ignore. yeonjun would find it hard to be his usual self around her, trying to play it cool, but in the end, he crumbles completely. as a deeply loyal friend, thinking of and having feelings towards his bestfriend's girlfriend would weigh heavily on him, and he might even try to overcompensate, showing excessive support for their relationship by saying things like, "you're so lucky to have her!" or "you guys are perfect for one another!" so he doesn't feel as awful (it doesn't work) :(((

beomgyu .ᐟ

an actual hopeless romantic :( it would most probably hit him the hardest once he actually realizes his feelings,, his first reaction would be disbelief; he would likely tell himself too that it was just a tiny crush, but the more he suppresses it, the more he'd find it impossible to ignore the pangs of longing and guilt that comes with it. he'd be more "silly" and hyper around her, a mask he puts up so his real feelings doesn't show, only to later regret it once he's alone with his thoughts. as a way to silently express his yearning, he would stay up late, using his talent as an escape, writing songs about her and pouring his emotions into music rather than towards her directly. ultimately, he would try to distance himself one way or another too, even if it left him quietly hurting </3

taehyun .ᐟ

my tyun :(( his level-headed nature would make him approach the situation with as much logic as possible, even though emotions are never entirely rational. he would keep his interactions with her polite but distant, avoiding anything that could be misinterpreted, but in private, taehyun would sit in his room with his headphones on, letting sad or introspective songs play as he processes his emotions. he wouldn’t cry easily, but the pain would show in subtle ways, like in the far-off stares he’d have while thinking about her. but then his pragmatic side would berate him, reminding himself that these feelings were unproductive and unfair, but the ache would linger, quietly gnawing at him. nevertheless, his respect for his bestfriend's relationship would outweigh any hurt he's feeling, letting his feelings fade overtime for everyone’s sake :(((

hueningkai .ᐟ

my sweet sweet hyuka </3 as someone who values the happiness of those he loves, he’d be overwhelmed with guilt the moment he realizes he has feelings for another member’s girlfriend. it would leave him confused and conflicted—he’d wonder how his heart could betray his loyalty to his bestfriend in such a way. kai would likely smile and joke around her like usual, but there would be a noticeable hesitation in his voice, and he might fumble with his words or avoid looking directly at her, as if afraid his feelings would be exposed. his kindhearted nature and empathy would push him towards a resolution: he’d choose to quietly let go of his feelings, no matter how much it hurt, finding solace in the fact that love also means wanting what’s best for others—even if it means stepping aside :(((

taglist! @pagelets, @jettithink, @killa-1009, @j-ji-jia, @frankghgr, @dawngyu, @unusuallyunlikelyfox @sxmmerberries, @napipope-ta, @bamgeutori <3 (click here if you would like to be added ^^)

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wickjump · 1 month ago

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im gonna start posting fanfic recs btw whenever i find good ones. both here and my (awfully barren) 18+ account. because there are so many good fics out there with so few hits and fewer kudos and sometimes no comments period and it SUCKS because i REALLY LIKE THEM A LOT.. and i hope that by linking them here and yelling at everyone to COMMENT DAMMIT they might actually do it

seriously though any comment means a lot. most people who read a fic don’t even give a kudos. even if the fic wasn’t top tier, if you didn’t dislike it, hand over some kudos!! and if you liked it, comment!!!! even if the comment is one singular heart emoji it will be appreciated. if the comment just says “great fic!” the author will be happy. your comment doesn’t have to be this long winded gushing or analysis.

so many authors quit writing or lose motivation because the comments are few and far in between or just sometimes nonexistent. trust me when i say authors don’t care about how long or cool or smart sounding your comment is i promise!!!

i hope that mmmaybe recommending fics and telling people to comment might help fics i really like get more support maybe. and i, points at you reading this, hope that you will listen!!!at least a little….at least sum kudos….

#if u have the ability to reply to my reblog saying how much you loved the fic i recommended comment on the fic itself so the author can see!#especially since the rise of ai writing and seeing ai fics out there can be disheartening #make sure you let your writers know you appreciate them #you never know they might one day write a sequel bc your comment touched them #or might get the motivation to make more works.#(but don’t just comment bc you expect something out of it btw. sometimes the author might be too intimidated to reply ive seen that before)#im a huge yapper. if you can’t tell. lmfao.#and i mostly comment on guest. like 99% of the time because the fics are either really embarrassing #or i get nervous about them knowing me/finding my tumblr and thinking im cringw #bc i admire authors so much. and I get that nervousness! given I experience it!!! but guest mode EXISTS!!! most work allows you to comment #on guest mode!! the author CANT see the email you use for it!!! the only reason they even ask is to give you notifs if theres a reply to it!#a comment is still a comment even if on guest or an alt or your main #even if the fic is embarrassing shameful depraved smut you can log out and comment on guest. even if it’s embarrassing #because the author still worked HARD. it’s so hard to write. people don’t give enough credit to fic authors who do it for free #i had an account (now super abandoned) that had over 400k words. and that didn’t include wips #i reallg do struggle to write because i took a break for so long!!! i can write but not nearly as much as I used to!!! and it sucks!!!#support your authors guys. 1k words is an hour for the first draft at MINIMUM and another hour for revision and editing. and people get #pissy if a fic chapter is less than 3-4k words for some reason. that’s 6-8 hours of work at MINIMUM. likely so much more because there’s #also plotting and brainstorming and So. Much. Editing. stressing out over words and sentence structure. it takes so much time out of your #day. the only oneshot i have posted on this account is 2460 words. and it took me SEVEN HOURS #seven hours!!!! that’s a lot!!!! and for authors that have school or demanding jobs that kind of time is hard to come by!!!!!#and I hope i have convinced at least one of you to listen and go okay you know what. i will. because even if it’s a silly comment it’s loved #tldr support your local fanfic authors of you will be so stabbed. by me #fanfiction #fanfic #archive of our own #ao3 #comment on fics #wick fic recs #that’s the rec tag btw. wow custom tags AGAIN i know. im doing what i thought i never would

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opens-up-4-nobody · 4 months ago

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...

#ay. tomorrow might b the day i face the music #which is to say. i tell my advisor how fucked i am. i mean. ill spin it so it doesn't sound so bad #its just that ive told him like 2 weeks in a row that id send him my edited preproposal and i have not bc im too afraid to start reading #papers related to my project. which is frustrating. and like the thing is. and i kno ive said it before and i kno im not a fucking idiot #i can read papers and i can even understand what theyre broadly saying. but thats it.#zero critical thinking. zero insight. i use all my tiny fucking brain space to try to understand the words on the pages #and even then it only forms this broken fucking image of whats being said. like u dont understand. i used to struggle with writing papers bc #i couldnt fucking connect what i was saying from one paragraph to the next when i was the one doing the fucking writing.#what the fuck am i doing here? and again. im not stupid. i can follow the information if its fucking said out loud but thats not how this #works. and it just feels like sometimes there's a limit to what you're capable of and im at that fucking limit. the undergrads in my lab #have more ability to comment on papers than i do. its so fucking frustrating and i just have to live with knowing itll never get any easier #so what the fuck can i do other than drop out? theres no god damn way im gonna pass a comprehensive exam. not unless i buckel down and break #myself in half to try to retain all the information i need to. which requires that i read so many god damn papers that i cant fucking read.#just. why tf did i pick a career path where my suffering is inherent to a huge part of my job? i feel like ive consistently chosen to take #the hard path in life and ive finally stumbled too far from what is possible for me #so well see what comes out of my mouth tomorrow when i have my weekly meeting. i just feel like its my last semester #i feel like this is it. i just need someone to fucking hire me. bc everytime my lab mate mentions something abt #my project down the line or talks abt future conferences i should attend. im just like. its a nice idea but that's not happening. im just #at the end of the line and it sucks #unrelated

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kuromi-hoemie · 2 months ago

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hhhh talking about my writing was fun but 30 tags is not enough.. yes i have 3 major influences but i have minor ones too.. it is a lovechild of my favorite things.. writing is so fun and i have no self control or a concept of pacing myself i will sit there for 16 hours and get hit with every status effect but by god does it all just flow out of me. I've always been a music person yes but i also used to write a lot into early adulthood until The Incident™

but i am ready 2 jump back into it. i think comics are a great middle ground between the two mediums so i don't get As into writing bc i kind of started going crazy last time 🫡 i can take a more structured approach to it that forces me to pace myself and think about it differently. i love art.... i love making things i love knowing how to do things i love knowing how to play things i love having so many creative outlets, even if i don't do a lot of them regularly lol. it is enriching 😳 and nice to know that it's always there to come back to when u want.

#if u want the tea my imagination at the time was like i could space out and straight up just be another person POV doing every little #thing as if i were them for hours and the experience would come together without having to even think about it.#different times/places/contexts/conversations etc. forced 2 to to my mom's lil cult meetings for 2 hours twice a week #i would opt to do these imagination exercises instead to rly put myself in a character's perspective. every step‚ stumble‚#riding in a carriage together for the entirety from point A to B etc. WELL i was working on a horror anthology somewhere 18/19 #(that had a small local following 🫶🏾) and it its concept was like the Twilight zone but a lot darker. it was called interdimensional #and the main recurring character never actually shows up in the story. they r an omnipresent god of death who exists everywhere but #exists outside of our realm‚ and it picks random people to reveal itself to as a symbol. it can be apparent or just in passing that #the entry's MC sees it in‚ it will appear on something somewhere and once it's brought up it's a cue to the reader that this person #has just been sent to an alternate reality that leads towards their inevitable death. for the character nothing ever changes immediately #but the different starts to creep its way in‚ as does death's approach at its crescendo but the path's i took to get there were 😨#and after enough entries i started to see the symbol irl and hallucinate some other stuff from my stories and it really scared me #and made me stop 🫡 but i think in retrospect i just went too hard on the imagination exercises and wished i tried cultivating it instead #give myself time to settle and get in control.. but alas‚ she has not written seriously since. to this day it still flows out of me if #i just sit down to do it‚ but i don't think I'm at risk of something like that happening again anymore :3 so yeah ♡⁠ i am learning how to #draw and trying not 2 force it bc i want it to b fun as a little journey for me and i look forward to the day i can come back to actively #writing again too 🫶🏾 i miss it but i also want to b able to draw ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა #learn the hard thing first then do the stuff that comes naturally.... i also want to get back into music sometime but clearly i got a lot of #other stuff to work on 💀 i burnt myself out on it learning too many things and not having enough fun with it anymore‚#but i have a better healthier with art these days and i know it'll be great to come back to when I'm ready 😌💕#i have been considering getting an acoustic or bass guitar tho 🧐 the beauty of physical instruments.. they're just there ready 2 go..#I've been doing mostly digital the past few years‚ when i was making music. it was also rly hard to when i was w my ex ૮ – ﻌ–ა #that's a whole other rant lol. but ugh digital is like u gotta set it up u gotta make space and then u gotta be in one spot the whole time #i just wanna lay in bed and vibe or something yfm.. walk around maybe idk. do something less structured.#maybe.. hm. hmmm 🧐#I'm going to guitar center lol c ya ✌🏾 getting a bass and amp and maybe a guitar too depending on the price

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hopkei · 9 months ago

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUSEI! ⋆ 97.05.06

#fantastics from exile tribe #fantastics #yagi yusei #jr exile #jpop #hkgifs #can you tell that i love cutie yuse the most hehe #my other bday gifsets revealed my hair preferences but this one just shows my love for yagi-chan <33 #yusei ilysm but truly i am a yagi-chan oshi at heart :'))#but anyways yusei happy birthday!!!!!!!#i love you so so so much thank you for always working hard every day and sharing your beautiful self with us❤️❤️❤️#(even if sometimes i think u work too hard;;)#i hope today is your best birthday yet and you get to do everything you want💕💕🌻

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girlivealwaysbean · 2 months ago

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hey god if you've created someone for me can you introduce me to them sooner? i kinda need them now

#like i know i know im sad and hurt but in my heart even the worst breakup friendship or otherwise can kill my hope #like i know this is gods plan for me this is my arc but god it's getting worse and harder everyday #i thought nothing could be worse than yesterday but i hadn't lived today them #then*#i need to talk to someone so bad oh god sl yesterday i had the exam right #and like i don't even know what happened i thought i was going to fail even after giving my 2000% studying #for like 10 hours a day for 15 days for this one exam #and i was panicking and shivering so bad that my heart felt like it would fly out of my chest it was beating so hard #and so fast it didn't even beat like that when i climb too many stairs #and i tried to deep breathe but nothing worked it was so scary like yeah i get stressed sometimes #but this was another level so scary i was nauseous too #and then i clicked submit and i got 82!!!#when i was so sure i was gonna fail because i was only sure about 54 marks answers and the passing was 50 #and i got really happy and relieved and then i realized. oh. i don't have anyone to tell #like yeah i told my dad and he was like oh cool ofcourse you did very good #because he doesn't GET it that im not smart anymore and 10th cbse is not an accurate measure of intelligence #he wasn't even happy or surprised he was like well nice obviously #and that's it. i didn't have anyone else to tell #granted i hadn't even told anyone i was giving the exam. i mean i say anyone as if im swimming in friends #only have one. two if u stretch. and i didn't say. cause like idk doesn't really seems like anyone cares #and aah stupid emotional me before the exam i was feeling sad and trying not to panic (??? why??) and CRY in the car because i was thinking #that how my mom always drops me to exam centres and we talk i play music and when im getting out she says all the best beta #and the beta. wow i typed this and immediately have tears in my eyes now. i don't even understand why but #idk i made it up to be a little tradition in my head and i really wanted to call my mom and say mom pls can u say all the best #to me now bc i think ill fuck it up and im really scared and maybe if u give your blessing it'd be okay. but then i thought how embarrassin #it wld be if i failed. bc we don't have any kind of rship my mom and me. and then when she heard i passed from dad she didn't even call me #or anything. thank god i didn't do all that drama but fucking hell. this is all just for me right nobody cares not my parents #and it's too difficult im crumbling under the pressuee but i have to grit my teeth and do it or ill never be able to get out of this house #and i know ill find people when i do get out. but in the meantime. please god ji just one person idc who girl boy friend or love ANYONE #ik it's weak & ik i shld be enough on my own. but pls i just CAN'T.they dont even have to put up with me they just have to care a bit

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phagodyke · 6 months ago

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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around #pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable #my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters #no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time #gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt #but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years #and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again #but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and #others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard #it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl #bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either #and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for #but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own #bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me #but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form #and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind #and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will #and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing #and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense #its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out #and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up #and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain #its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit #and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after #or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life #i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever #and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it #and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel #thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable

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orcelito · 6 months ago

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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.

But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.

#speculation nation #and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it #then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day #just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them #but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else #and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself #and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao #why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc #honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year #and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this #bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.

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sleevebuscemii · 11 months ago

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#i hate how wishy washy my social life is in this city like.#like everything has to be Planned and is a Thing and it’s like. i don’t want to go to a fancy group dinner #or get invited to a birthday party #i just want someone who will go to target with me #or come over and keep me company while i do laundry and then get tacos after like.#something that Actually feels intimate…idk #but now its like. i either go to this fancy dinner with a big group (who are mostly couples) and at least have something to do today #or. i spend my saturday alone.#like even the friends i have 1 on 1 its like. plans have to be made in advance if we wanna go get coffee or something #like nothing is just. spontaneous and casual its alk a Thing #but also like fuck. i just spent whole week at work alone i don’t wanna be alone in my weekend too like fuuuuuck this #and its like. i can’t help but feel like its my fault but i know its been hard because i work remote so im so fucking isolated #sometimes i think i should just move home but i know thatll just make me feel like i failed #at like. moving to a big city and making it work #but also i know its not just me like lonely city by olivia laing blah blah blah but goddddddd #i am a social creature!!!! i want to be around people!!!!! but in a meaningful and fulfilling way!!!!!!!#anyway thats my therapy session for today see u next time #m

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sadlazzle · 10 months ago

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im sorry but elden beast rlly isn’t that great a boss. like i rlly don’t care if a huge arena and him making u chase him for the majority of the fight makes sense ‘for the lore’ it’s not fun and it just kinda sucks overall. it’s a final boss that makes u hate getting to the final boss