#(even if I'm speaking all of this into the void I just needed to speak it)
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hi! i just saw your recent ask from Birdie about commissions. i wanted to 1) tell you how proud it made me feel to see you be so candid about your mental health & 2) echo her sentiment that i would love to commission a piece from you someday if you were ever in the headspace to do so. you are so incredibly talented.
in the same way that i’ve spent thousands of dollars on art in the form of tattoos, your art is beautiful and valuable enough to spend money on. i’m not saying this to try to, like, persuade you to ever take commissions. i just felt the need to verbally express how floored i am by your art. my tattoo artist occasionally needs to be shaken/reminded how incredible she is sometimes, and i feel like you can just never hear it enough, especially when you’re struggling.
i profoundly relate to your struggles with bipolar/simply just existing. i see you. & i just wanted to be another voice temporarily speaking over the deafening bad thoughts in your mind.
if you ever want to scream into the abyss at a bipolar stranger on the internet, my DMs are always open 🖤
i hope you’re having a good day
Hi there :)
1--I am tired of feeling ashamed for being me. Fuck shame. I think that's why I still act like I'm 13--that's the last time I felt unashamed of everything I am. So I'm done feeling bad for who I am. *I* think I'm pretty fucking cool. So does my husband and my beautiful kiddo. So yeah. Fuck shame <3
In regards towards my mental health vs shame, I had an epiphany:
There is nothing wrong with me.
And the world is wrong for telling me otherwise.
We are all different. And that's not always a bad thing.
2--With all of this self-discovery shit, I'm realizing that I am worthy of so much more than I let myself believe. That I have allowed others to convince me that I am a nuisance, that I am incompetent, that I do not deserve love, praise, or that I shouldn't even be allowed to exist. By the by, someone telling you that you aren't worthy of being alive feels pretty shitty. Don't let those people in your life. Run away. Run away and warn the others, jesus fucking christ.
ANWAYS. I think I may work towards commissions.
I always thought it sounded fun, tried it out, but I pressure myself too much--what if they don't like it? what if they don't want to pay that much? what if my art is trashfire kindling and everyone that's ever complimented my art is a dirty dirty liar that wants to see me fall flat on my face?
And most importantly: What if it's not perfect? What if the eyes are off, or the anatomy is 'wrong', or it's not the EXACT thing I pictured it to be in my mind?
Newer motto (still under construction): Fuck perfectionism. What a stupid cage to lock yourself into. Working on unshackling myself. Have been KINDLY (*this is important) reminding myself whenever my thoughts head down that path to redirect back towards the joyous parts of creativity. And it's been going pretty good. Slow, but making progress.
So yeah! Rambling coming to a close. Thank you for being another positive voice in my head to help fight away the void that other's have created. And for being that for a fellow tattoo artist as well <3
I think I should create a discord group called "screaming into the void" and invite all of you wonderful humans that have invited me for private sessions to join. We can all caterwaul into the abyss together XD
I hope you are having a good day as well. Be kind to yourself <3
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Lessons I learned throughout 5 years of shifter and LOA
I read books of Bob Monroe and Neville Goddard. Watch Nero knowledge and Reya Singh for hours and read the CIA documents. Here's the consistent key point
1. Feeling > Words
The mistakes that people keep doing is not feeling when saying affirmation. Even with "I AM". No feeling, no belief, no action, no change. One can argue no feeling and just repeat works. Which yes, can be, if you BELIEVE that methods works. Even without belief. You slowly believe it to be true. Which believe = feelings. Bob Monroe, ultimate Journey. a book after he's personal journey and creating the tape. He speaks with a higher "alien". The alien mentioned that words can't cause of effect. Only feelings. Must ATTACHED a feeling to the words
2. Fear holds people back
I was one of those people that believe I wasn't scared but when stuff happened- I kinda freak out. this can be with anyone. Just calm yourself and say you're not scared. You don't need any much but keep your fears in check
3. Doing too much/Doing too little
I believe to have a desire, is to think of it. Sometimes, people are doing way too much. Not saying stop what you're doing but now and then. Take a step back and see if you're doing too much. Sometimes, you're the biggest block. Remember, the brain will protect you no matter what. so if you keep pushing and pushing, it can cause your brain to block because it might feel like you're overdriving it/ too much pressure.
The reason you're not enter the void state, manifesting or shifting
State!state!state!state!statestate!state!state!state!state!state!statestate!state!state!state!state!state!statestate!state
It's state
Your "I am" 123, STATS ain't going to do SHIT. If you're not changing your internal state. A poor man, cannot be rich- with poor man mentally. The goal that you should be having is to have no need to react to the physical world. The reason 99.9 percent people fucked up is they are not changing internally. We all know that our physical world is just a frozen place of the state of our mentality. action cannot beat mentality. A poor person can win the lottery And go back to squared one if he stays in he's poor man mentality.
"The methods that you have done, all aim for one thing- to change State"
To change the outer world, you must change the inner world. So no action is needed.
Basically, the key is to change your state before doing methods or anything in the physical world.
TIMELINE
State/frequency ---> INNER CHANGE ---> action ----> DR
How change State? To be honest I don't know
This is a hard one because everyone is different. It revolves around you and what you believe in. If you believe ripping your armpit hairs and shaking your ass will get you to shift or your crush. Who am I to tell you it's not? It's your belief- meaning you're in a state of being. This is what I'm kinda learning so far that can help the shift.
1. Feeling of being
2. Changing/flipping thoughts
3. Detach reaction from physical world
4. STATS
Most important: stop giving the universe a ick! Keep persisting.
The universe gets the most nasties ick if you keep acting like you lacked. causes it to go "ewww wtf?". It's like someone desperately trying to be with you even if you have no romantic interest in them. That's what you're doing to the universe 😭
The universe doesn't hate you or love you..it's job is to give people what they are. That's why a rich man gets richer and the poor man gets poorer
#reality shifting#shifting blog#shifting community#shifting antis dni#shifting dr#law of assumption#void state#void#law of manifestation#loa tumblr#loassumption#loa blog#loa motivation#loablr#loassblog
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Matt & Ben || John & Paul
Here’s a story. Matt Damon told it. But it’s not about Matt Damon. It’s about Bono. But it’s not really about Bono, either; it’s about Paul McCartney. But Damon heard it from Bono. One day, Bono flew into Liverpool. Paul was supposed to pick him up at the airport, and Bono was shocked when Paul picked him up at the airport alone, behind the wheel of his car. “Would you like to go on a little tour?” Paul said. Sure, Bono said, because Bono, you see, is a fan of Paul’s, in the same way that Damon is a fan of Bono’s. “Bono’s obsessed with the Beatles,” Damon said at the table in the lobby of the gated hotel in the little town in Germany. “He’s, like, a student of the Beatles. He’s read every book on the Beatles. He’s seen every bit of film. There’s nothing he doesn’t know. So when Paul stops and says 'That’s where it happened,’ Bono’s like, 'That’s where what happened?’ because he thinks he knows everything. And Paul says, 'That’s where the Beatles started. That’s where John gave me half his chocolate bar.’ And now Bono’s like, 'What chocolate bar? I’ve never heard of any chocolate bar.’ And Paul says, 'John had a chocolate bar, and he shared it with me. And he didn’t give me some of his chocolate bar. He didn’t give me a square of his chocolate bar. He didn’t give me a quarter of his chocolate bar. He gave me half of his chocolate bar. And that’s why the Beatles started right there.’ Isn’t that fantastic? It’s the most important story about the Beatles, and it’s in none of the books! And Paul tells it to Bono. Because he knows how much Bono loves the Beatles.”
— Matt Damon, interviewed by Tom Junod for Esquire (August 2013).
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Ben Affleck and I actually had a joint bank account, and the bank account was money that we’d made doing local commercials, and we could only use it on trips to New York to audition […] If one kid had enough for a candy bar, then the candy bar was bought and split in half — that’s just the way it’s been.
— Matt Damon, interviewed by Piers Morgan for CNN (March 2011).
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First of all, I think I should say that we pale by comparison to The Beatles. But my understanding of how [Lennon and McCartney] worked was that they would go off and work separately. Matt and I worked together in the same room most of the time, riffing off of one another’s ideas for scenes or certain lines of dialogue.
— Ben Affleck, interviewed for eDrive (February/March 1998).
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Q: But you didn’t compose your stuff separately, as other accounts have said? JOHN: No, no, no. I said that, but I was lying. [Laughs.] By the time I said that, we were so sick of this idea of writing and singing together, especially me, that I started this thing about, “We never wrote together, we were never in the same room.” Which wasn’t true. We wrote a lot of stuff together, one-on-one, eyeball to eyeball.
— John Lennon, interviewed by David Sheff for Playboy (September 1980).
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[Ben and I] have been bizarrely close for a long time. You know, I was watching Get Back—the Peter Jackson documentary—and at the end of that you see the Beatles playing on the roof in London and it says, “This is the last time that they ever played together, live.” And it made me so sad to think of; because you look at them and they’re so happy! And Ben and I, I called him and said, “Look man, we were talking about doing this and it’s been 25 years or something since Good Will Hunting. What are we doing? We both kind of hit the lottery! Why aren’t we working together more often?” And after my dad passed in 2017—and Ben was very, very close with him—it’s like it changed something in us, I think. You start to see the end game and to feel like, “I want to make every second count.” I don’t want to fritter away time anymore.
— Matt Damon, interviewed by Chris Wallace for CNN (July 2023).
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I needed to make this post because way before the Matt & Ben brainrot had the chance to set in, John & Paul had already taken complete hold of my being. And even if this hold has gentled in recent years, they nevertheless rewired my neural circuits. And thus, everything now inevitably leads back to Lennon/McCartney. One day I'll make a (probably very tinhatty) post highlighting specific parallels between Matt & Ben and John & Paul. Today is not that day.
For now, I merely wanted to marvel at how it's not only me who inevitably sees same-sex friendships and creative partnerships through the Lennon/McCartney goggles, but, being Lennon/McCartney arguably one of the most famous same-sex friendships and creative partnerships in history, they influence how other friends who are also creative partners—such as Matt and Ben—see themselves.
For example, the Chocolate Bar story. First of all, I can't believe I only realized yesterday that one of my favorite bits of Beatles lore—a story so special Paul hasn't told it anywhere else—was made public by Matt Damon (which is kind of ironic, given how private and protective he is over his own friendship with Ben). But then, it made me re-evaluate one of Matt's quotes. You see, I thought Matt saying "If one kid had enough for a candy bar, then the candy bar was bought and split in half" about him and Ben was one of those crazy coincidences I could see thanks to my Lennon/McCartney vision. Rather, Matt seems instead to be directly referencing the Chocolate Bar story, even if only a handful of people would understand the reference at the time. By drawing this comparison, a candy bar is no longer just a candy bar. It represents the founding principles of generosity and equity on which a great partnership can be built. Like John and Paul before them, Matt and Ben chose to tie their fates together and share what they had so they could make it.
And as soon as they made it, the world started comparing them to Lennon/McCartney, as we can see by Ben's quote. And it's interesting to think how the generalized perception of Lennon/McCartney at the time might have influenced how they felt about the comparison. Imagine you and your best friend/writing partner just achieved your wildest dreams. But that also means the eyes of the world are now turned on you, and your very real friendship is being used as a marketing ploy and starting to be ravenously consumed by the public. Now imagine that people start comparing you to The Beatles, and the very famous songwriting partnership at its core, Lennon/McCartney: two friends who rocketed to the toppermost-of-the-poppermost, but who broke up very acrimoniously in less than a decade. The Beatle-People will know that they deeply loved each other throughout it all, but that was not the prevailing narrative until a few years ago, when Get Back came out. So no wonder Ben's first instinct was to go "RIP to John and Paul but Matt and I are different."
And then, Get Back comes out and it makes them realize that they both are and are not different. They are not different in the sense that the pressure of fame did affect their relationship. Not to the extent of John and Paul's, whose private troubles were made public. Whatever conflicts Matt and Ben might have had throughout the years, they gracefully kept it private, which allowed their relationship to naturally heal without the press poking at the wounds. However, I do believe the intensity of the public gaze made them shy away from collaborating again. They mention working on numerous projects throughout the years (particularly after their Oscar win with Good Will Hunting), but none of these saw the light of day. And even though they say they were working so much they did not have time to write, it's odd that it took them over two decades to even co-star in another movie again. I think that, much like John and Paul in the 70s, the pressure placed on an eventual reunion was so great—both in terms of living up to their past success and of inviting all that scrutiny again—that Matt and Ben opted to remain private friends, at the sake of their creative partnership. Which makes total sense, because, like John and Paul, there's no partnership without the friendship. But this sacrifice is tragic in its own way, because the creative partnership was a big part of their friendship. Acting, writing, directing—creating—was what drew them together in the first place! It's like asking them to amputate one of the fundamental components of their relationship.
Which is why I find the last quote so incredibly moving. While watching Get Back, Matt was not only reminded of the joy of creating with his best friend—he was confronted with the preciousness of it. Because this is where Matt and Ben are most different from John and Paul: Matt and Ben have been granted the luxury of time. Unlike John and Paul, Matt and Ben could get to their 50s and realize, "What are we doing? We both kind of hit the lottery! Why aren’t we working together more often?" They could realize that they didn't give a fuck about what anyone said or thought anymore. That being together doing something they loved was more important. And so, unlike Paul, Matt got to hear his wife say that writing with Ben was the most she'd seen him laugh in many years. And Ben, unlike John, got to feel that total happiness was seeing his children every day and working with his best friend, and that there's nothing more that he wants in life. In fact, working together on Air made them feel so profoundly accomplished and realized, that both Ben and Matt thought they were about to die, since they'd apparently reached the "mountain top".
And so, it is with great joy that I await what lies in store for Ben and Matt. They have just created their own studio, Artists Equity, and are slated to collaborate in some of its future projects. Nothing will ever replace John and Paul in my heart, and their love story is ongoing in its own way; oh, but how wonderful is it to be able to witness a creative partnership and friendship whose future is still ripe with possibility! And how poetic that the tragedy of John and Paul's story played a part in ensuring that?
#matt damon#ben affleck#john lennon#paul mccartney#the beatles#lennon/mccartney#mclennon#matt & ben#(this is the culmination of a month-long obsession)#(even if I'm speaking all of this into the void I just needed to speak it)#(but please can anyone join me in obsessing over these four)#quote#compilation#analysis#originals
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when jane's powers return in season four (and because they were regained by her confronting and accepting her past, rather than being retraumatised with it!) they're stronger than they ever were. when she starts getting a handle back on them, she very quickly comes to realise not only have they affected her, but her mother, too. one of the biggest losses that came about with her losing them was the fact that she could no longer visit terry in the void; while there was no real communication there, it did allow jane to sit with her, and gain a little more connection than she could in the real world. when she first visits the void after their return, it takes her three hours to find terry, something that is both unexpected and incredibly worrying. but when she does, it's something of a miracle. jane's increased strength and control over the void actually wakes terry up from her catatonic state, but only in the void. there's no way to help her mother physically, but she does do so (unbeknownst to her) mentally. terry is reborn in jane's newfound control over the vale of shadows; she becomes the woman she once was, and while her body remains frozen in a "good dream", her mind connected to jane's own allows her some freedom. jane is able to speak to her mother in the void, is able to be held by her, and while it's still unfair and jane cannot stay in there forever, it's something. this only lasts for about eight months, as each visit slowly begins deteriorating terry's physical and mental state, and jane's health begins declining after spending hours upon hours in the void each and every day.
when jane finds out these visits are actually killing her mother on the outside, she deems to stop, but terry expresses the importance of them being able to speak, that she'd prefer to die on the outside, if it meant she could have just a few months with her daughter like this. terry and jane's connection was always so strong, which ultimately led to terry "waking up" in the void, but even jane's newfound strength cannot save her from the harsh realities. each visit nearing the end of those eight months, terry fades more and more, becomes weaker in the void, and her real body eventually gives up. jane's in the void when her mother eventually passes on, and physically feels their connection weaken, like some part of her suddenly becomes lost in the shadows, a part she'll never find again. jane falls into a depressive state for weeks after her mother's death, given she's technically lost her a second time, but soon comes to realise she was lucky to have even shared those eight months together. it was better than nothing at all. there is a proper burial and funeral, (and when jane dies, she's buried next to her mother) which allows jane some sense of closure. she never fully recovers from losing terry, nor from the fact that she never had a proper relationship with her, but she does eventually find some peace with it all.
#study‚ in my dreams it's all real and my heart has so much to reveal.#IF U SAW ME POSTING THIS YESTERDAY. no u didn't.#i wanted to change things again (who is surprised!!) and decided to just rewrite it all rip.#me taking a few weeks off from this blog and then coming back with a brand new terry / jane hc? more likely than u think.#purely self indulgent too i might add!#every day i battle with making my terry portrayal canon to jane's timeline so jane can have her mother in every verse not just#selected ones.#but. her not having her mother is ultimately important to my writing of her and sfjasfjas >:( hate myself for it.#so here be a brand new addition to my timeline that gives jane SOME time with her mother!!! bc i need it for my mental health.#i imagine when terry dies her body turns to smoke in the void. almost like what happened to billy when jane was spying on him.#and he stopped her connection and faded in front of her.#and jane also visited terry a lot in the void because it allowed her to see more memories of her mother.#i hc that she had a real grasp on that before s3 when she looks into billy's memories.#terry (even in her catatonic state) WANTED jane to see what happened to her in hawkins lab.#so she'd want her to see the good stuff too. her childhood. andrew. her grandmother that raised her and becky.#all the good memories!#so when terry dies jane loses all that completely.#which leads to jane grappling with the conflict of whether or not she should have kept visiting terry in the void which eventually led to#her death.#because if she hadn't connected to her. she'd at least be able to look back on all those memories.#jane becomes obsessed within those months and barely speaks to anyone else.#in any free time she has. she's in the void with terry.#her own physical body grows very weak after a little while but she pays no attention to it and even gets into heated arguments with becky.#because becky is jane's carer and needs her safe and healthy. needs to look after her.#but jane is so adamant about the fact that this is her MOTHER and she's finally able to speak to her.#UGH i have so much to say abt this actually i sense a brand new addition to my timeline coming on.#ANYWAY. i'm emotional about them that is all.
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i LOVE spanish or vanish and we got a glimpse of french or the trench and now duo has done korean or get eaten which was also funny
but the only thing my heart wants is
PORTUGUESE OR THE SQUEEZE
duo pls
#i know i'm gonna love it#it's gonna be my FAVORITE#honestly all of these songs are gonna be so iconic#i would buy the album#if you google “duolingo spanish or vanish list” you will see all the alternatives for all other languages duo has#spanish or vanish is amazing especially the parts in spanish itself#if you don't speak any romance language please translate the parts in spanish you will laugh so much#french of the trench seemed a bit weak but i understand they were just advertizing and they needed smth to fill the void#but i hope they do a full version especially bc i learn french so#korean or get eaten got a kpop-like song which didn't make me laugh but i liked anyway bc it was cool#what made me laugh was the rose petals the finger heart and the k-drama-like song#THAT was funny. even for me who doesn't watch k-dramas so imagine those who watch them (hi Camila)#MAN I WANT THE BRAZILIAN ONE DUO PELO AMOR DE DEUS SILVIO SANTOS#i can already imagine what it's gonna be like#probably very sterotypical which could make me cringe while watching but i hope not#as long as i like it it's good. even if i keep loving spanish or vanish more#tio morcego tá tagarela
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save me scrambled eggs save me scrambled eggs save me
#rena.txt#if you guys see me posting more stupid and senseless stuff these days it's bc i'm home alone until saturday and i need to voice my thoughts#and i'm coming out from 3 days of funeral related things. if i don't speak into the void i'm going crazy#also i was left with shit to do. BRO I JUST WANNA CHILL!!!!! i don't even know wtf i'm going to eat for dinner tonight i need to go out#again to buy smth i need to come up with a recipe of some sort#ALL I WANNA DO TODAY IS SLEEP. I'M SO TIRED. WAAAAAAAAAAAA
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I wish I didn't feel so violently alienated from my own religion sometimes. like I really do believe in what I believe in and I want to have a better and deeper relationship with God and I would like to build relationships with other christians and then whenever I hear other people talking about doctrine/scripture/God it just feels. so cold to me. or even just the way they act in general. it's very hard to explain but it always sounds like they're reading from a script instead of voicing genuine thoughts and feelings and it makes me feel like there's a barrier between me and them or I'm doing something horribly wrong, even if at the root of it I do agree with what's being said
#vent#talking to absolutely no one here I mean. I just made this blog#primarily for shouting into the void about things I'm unwilling to say elsewhere#part of this may also be because I'm autistic but even aside from that church talk feels awfully clinical sometimes#maybe it's just my scrupulosity/trauma talking but I never seem to feel at home anywhere and I often wonder if that's#just how it's meant to feel. I'm afraid of that I think#I want to feel human. I want to feel warm. I'm scared that I'm not allowed to but also I think thats the devil talking#but what if it isn't and I'm just doing something wrong or there's something wrong with me (hi scrupulosity) etc.#I want to keep my faith but I feel so estranged from both religious and secular people at all times and it's like.#neither of you understand or can/will speak to me in a way that makes me feel safe. ok#deep down I feel like I'm just a human body possessed by an incredibly skittish non denom prey animal#I don't really know if I just need to find people like me or if there are people like me or if I just need to get over it somehow?#if that makes any sense#I fucking hate anxiety days. constantly feeling convicted for no reason at all. and I was doing so well yesterday too
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Really really struggling with college lately and having the good ol, maybe this isn't for me, thoughts again.
#its worse when I have any math related classes#but the tail end of last term and so far all of this term have been incredibly hard and burning me out so much#i feel so lost and stupid#but if i don't get this degree or any degree then I feel like I'll just be stuck in the same rut I've been in for years#don't mind this. i've just had another absolute breakdown over coursework and need to vent into the void#it sucks because i have moments where I'm super confident and feel so great about everything#and then the next I feel like I don't understand anything that's being asked of me. even if its probably the most basic instructions ever#and then i'm too afraid to speak up about being lost or confused because I worry they'll just think I'm stupid#idk anymore. i just feel like utter shit
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"Are you sure you're eating enough?"
"Have you lost weight?"
"Why are you so thin?"
"Why don't you eat more?"
Idk ma'am, maybe having a physical disability that severely impacts my ability to eat will make me... not eat? Wild concept, I know. It's almost as if pretending I'm not ill won't actually make the problems go away.
But it also doesn't help that you actively guilt-trip me when I DO eat literally anything including medically prescribed supplements. Have you ever considered that telling someone who is physically ill that there are too many calories in their medically prescribed supplements, which are often the only things they can stomach, will make them simply stop eating because they aren't being allowed to eat the only things they physically can? Did you ever think of that? No, because you only think about yourself.
#armchair speaks#actually disabled#abuse tw#parental abuse#weight cw#food cw#ed cw#body shaming#idk what other tw this needs hdjdjdbd#I'm just. so sick of their shit it's unreal#like they KNOW my conditions fuck with my eating. why do they act surprised when it happens.#and if I don't feel safe in the same room as you and you hang out in the kitchen all day making comments about what I eat...#maybe I just won't eat??? esp if I'm not allowed to eat the things my disability requires???#idk man. I'm just fucking sick of being here and I want to move out but I don't want to leave my sibling with them#and my older sister can't get custody yet and we don't even know how to start that if she Could#so I'm just stuck complaining into the void on Tumblr.com about the abusive shit they do and pretending someone cares🤷🏽♂️
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#tag talk#had another great interaction today at work.#a customer called in and was like “I. have. a. brain. injury. so. I. speak. really. slowly. and. I. need. you. to. speak. slowly. as. well.”#so anyway we had a nice and slow conversation about what she needed and she went off on tangents about her story and injury#and about how it had affected her life and how her family was really shitty about the disability and super invalidating about it#and anyway it brightened my day cause the kind of disability empathy I've learned on here came into play even just in our conversation#idk. I love making connections with people and I love communication and the empathy links that we naturally form between people#ultimately it was a net zero in terms of her actual issue and she was planning on coming in person anyway#but I'm glad I got to have that interaction and get to know her even just a little bit.#not giving too much information because even though I'm not in healthcare rn hipaa is still wired into my brain#and part of maintaining and respecting dignity is not sharing someone else's information#but it was a joy to talk to her and she seemed to really appreciate it as well.#rip the rest of my department cause we got a line right as I hopped on the phone and it was a half hour conversation so they got slammed#but I had a good time at least.#it reminds me that I really want to get back into healthcare because that's the kind of thing that really makes me happy.#taking care of people and being there when they need to talk and be heard.#I also had a phone call where my dept. supervisor didn't handle it well and she ended up crying and needing to go take a break#and the customer called in again and I got her and like. idk what it is but I just disarm angry customers really easily.#so she was very aggressive at first but ended up being very pleasant with me by the end.#idk what it is but a coworker even mentioned it because we were talking about getting bad customers#and I was like what are you guys talking about all my customers are really nice even the grumpy ones are nice to me#and she was like “I don't know what it is but mean customers turn nice when you deal with them”#and that's just so validating. having someone else comment on my ability to communicate to even angry people.#my ability to bring someone else over to my way of thinking. the ability to go over to someone else's way of thought and then work with them#conflict resolution is collaborative. it's not just a battle of wills. it's about explanation and compromise and bending not breaking#I love people. they're beautiful and stupid and charming and everyone has their own divine spark.#idk. I'm a hopeless optimist even when I'm depressed and angry I can't help but love people.#anyway. thanks for being the void I yell into.
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#liz speaks#genuinely feel like i'm losing my mind at this point#i want to write but i genuinely feel that everything i'm writing is not good enough#it has to be perfect or it's not worth anything and it's garbage#i'm feeling so restless these days because i want to write and create so bad but jesus christ#i think i might ultimately just need to take another step back#i love writing and i find it so enjoyable#but also i feel like i'm just shouting into the void on here all the time#no interactions no comments nobody talking to me except to complain nothing#and i don't necessarily do this for interactions but sometimes it's just nice to know that the work is enjoyed#because is it? i have no idea. it's almost always just an endless sea of likes#and i know AUs are bottom of the barrel these days in terms of what fics people want to read#but i can't bring myself to write everyday fics. the thought genuinely stresses me out#but i also know that's what's popular for people and that's what is going to get people to read them.#do i sell out and write what's going to get people to interact with me or do i keep being true to what i want to do and suffer in silence?#and i feel like i'm constantly waiting for people to tell me to quit bitching every time i say ANYTHING on here#like am i even having fun anymore? do I just delete everything and go do something else?#i think i need a break#from like here and life in general#maybe i should look into actually taking a real vacation and going somewhere#i just feel like no one even likes my stories. like interacting with me is a chore that people force themselves to do#and not just on here.#might be the depression rearing its head again lol but i feel like people only tolerate me these days idk#anyway here's wonderwall#might dirty delete later
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An open letter to @staff
I already submitted this to Support under "Feedback," but I'm sharing it here too as I don't expect it to get a response, and I feel like putting in out in public may be more effective than sending it off into the void.
The recent post on the Staff blog about changing tumblr to an algorithmic feed features a large amount of misinformation that I feel staff needs to address, openly and honestly, with information on where this data was sourced at the very least.
Claim 1: Algorithms help small creators.
This is false, as algorithms are designed to push content that gets engagement in order to get it more engagement, thereby assuring that the popular remain popular and the small remain small except in instances of extreme luck.
This can already be seen on the tumblr radar, which is a combination of staff picks (usually the same half-dozen fandoms or niche special interests like Lego photography) which already have a ton of engagement, or posts that are getting enough engagement to hit the radar organically. Tumblr has an algorithm that runs like every other socmed algorithm on the planet, and it will decimate the reach of small creators just like every other platform before it.
Claim 2: Only a small portion of users utilize the chronological feed.
You can find a poll by user @darkwood-sleddog here that at the time of writing this, sits at over 40 THOUSAND responses showing that over 96 percent of them use the chronological feed*. Claiming otherwise isn't just a misstatement, it's a lie. You are lying to your core userbase and expecting them to accept it as fact. It's not just unethical, it's insulting to people who have been supporting your platform for over a decade.
Claim 3: Tumblr is not easy to use.
This is also 100% false and you ABSOLUTELY know it. Tumblr is EXTREMELY easy to use, the issue is that the documentation, the explanations of features, and often even the stability of the service is subpar. All of this would be very easy for staff to fix, if they would invest in the creation of walkthroughs and clear explanations of how various site features work, as well as finally fixing the search function. Your inability to explain how your service works should not result in completely ignoring the needs and wants of your core long-term userbase. The fact that you're more willing to invest in the very systems that have made every other form of social media so horrifically toxic than in trying to make it easier for people to use the service AS IT WORKS NOW and fixing the parts that don't work as well speaks volumes toward what tumblr staff actually cares about.
You will not get a paycheck if your platform becomes defunct, and the thing that makes it special right now is that it is the ONLY large-scale socmed platform on THE ENTIRE INTERNET with a true chronological feed and no aggressive algorithmic content serving. The recent post from staff indicates that you are going to kill that, and are insisting that it's what we want. It is not. I'd hazard to guess that most of the dev team knows it isn't what we want, but I assume the money people don't care. The user base isn't relevant, just how much money they can bring in.
The CEO stated he wanted this to remain as sort of the last bastion of the Old Internet, and yet here we are, watching you declare you intend to burn it to the ground.
You can do so much better than this.
Response to the Update
Under the cut for readability, because everything said above still applies.
I already said this in a reblog on the post itself, but I'm adding it to this one for easy access: people read it that way because that's what you said.
Staff considers the main feed as it exists to be "outdated," to the point that you literally used that word to describe it, and the main goals expressed in this announcement is to figure out what makes "high-quality content" and serve that to users moving forward.
People read it that way because that is what you said.
*The final results of the poll, after 24 hours:
136,635 votes breaks down thusly:
An algorithm based feed where I get "the best of tumblr." @ 1.3% (roughly 1,776 votes)
Chronological feed that only features blogs I follow. @ 95.2% (roughly 130,077 votes)
This doesn't affect me personally. @ 3.5% (roughly 4,782 votes)
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DPxDC Shit Fae!Danny Has Said While Living With Waynes
Danny, making a 'got your nose' gesture: Hey Jason, look, I've got your name!
Red Hood, who suddenly can't remember his own name: What the fuck
Bruce, in a tired dad voice: Danny, please, we talked about this, return your brother's name back
Danny: Oh, come on, it's not like he even uses it
Jason, thankfully remembering his name: And I repeat, what the f u c k
Steph, at dinner: I was wondering, what do faeries even eat normally? Like, flowers and stuff?
Danny, his eyes two black voids inside his eyesockets: The souls of the innocent
Steph: So that's a 'no' on the flowers?
Danny, back to normal and shoving a bagel in his mouth: I mean, I can, but would you want to stay on the crumbs-only diet when you are in a 5-star Michelin restaurant?
Tim: It's actually 3-star. Michelin rating system only has three stars, not five.
Dick: Are you saying that people are basically food joints for Fae?
Damian, at Constantine: It would do you well to choose your wording better when speaking to fair folk-
Danny, very much a fair folk, appearing out of thin air in the Cave: Yolo, s'up bitches, guess who's back in town!
Damian: -even when they do not necessarily do so themselves.
Constantine, looking between them: Are you sure you're the human and he is the changeling?
Tim, 46 hours of no sleep: Hey, if you can take a name from someone, does it mean you can take, like, other things that have no real shape or form?
Danny: Names do have shape and form, they even have taste. Yours is like a ping-pong ball made out of really dense cotton candy with banana-caramel flavor.
Tim, losing his touch with reality: Dense banana cotton candy...
Danny: By the way, I know you wanted to ask me if I could take your need to sleep from you, and theoretically, the answer is yes.
Tim, his whisper full of hope: ...will you?..
Danny: No. Either go to sleep or keep suffering. I'm not here to make your life easier.
Danny, after a half-an-hour rant on the Fae customs and traditions: -and Fae never tell the truth, but also never lie. It's a work of art, you know, say what you want but never in a way that makes sense.
Jason: So Fae just like to fuck with people.
Danny, looking him in the eyes, smiling and winking: Sure, humans are very fuckable.
Bruce, trying very hard not to pay attention to this: Can you make an example?
Danny: Sure. I lied.
Bruce: Where?
Danny: :)
Bruce, feeling like he is about to lose his mind: W h e r e ?
Alfred, right after he heard Dick's muffled screaming in the hallway: Young Master Danny, would you mind returning Master Dick his ability to talk in coherent sentences?
Danny, obediently standing up and walking out of the library: ...okay.
Bruce: How come he always listens to you?
Alfred: He knows what I will do if he doesn't.
Danny, returning to the library: He will change all the silverware to iron-ware. As well as the doorknobs and hairbrushes and lightswitches and everything else.
Alfred: Did you fix Master Dick's shoes?
Danny: I did. But I still think that making all of his shoes left ones was funny.
Alfred: Indeed, it was.
| <-prev | next-> |
There's also a fic now.
#danny phantom#dpxdc#dc x dp#batfam#fae rules#fae#tim drake#bruce wayne#damian wayne#jason todd#john constantine#changelings#danny is a little shit#bruce is a tired dad#am i going to write a fic with this au soneday#maybe#dialogue prompt#feel free to add on#cork prompts
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have super torn through the materials from the $bp, nice to make good progress on some characters though (like march/himeko/yukong and their light cones as I mentioned earlier). also did a ton more work again on evaluating relics. making sure to max out any gold ones that have 2+ needed substats. been trying to be conservative with the resources but that's holding my characters back, they're weak bc of low relics. so i think i've been too picky waiting. so yeah, so long as it's got the right main stat and at least 2 substats, i'm upgrading.
also then had to take a ton of time to do more with salvaging to then generate more of the material, and i really struggle with salvaging what really isn't a great item vs but what if a future character needs it or what if a 2/4 pc bonus combines with unexpected stats and gets recommended in the guides, like i wouldn't have suspected healing stats being needed on what looks to be non healing relic types. so hard to know what's trash and what the guides are going to suddenly say is useful. (and jfc is everyone going to end up in hackerspace?)
but doing my best. trying to use mats and not just hoard them for 'just in case' when characters need them now and i can tell it's why i'm so much weaker than other players. and trying to learn, like i know it takes me so much longer to pick up this information (just finally getting to where i understand pity and 50-50). wish there were a bit more info on this stuff for those of us who're new to hoyo games (like my dabbling in genshin never got me to gearing and evaluating stats so sr is basically my first).
not that many levels left on the battle passes, i'm in the 40s, so yeah, it'll be a bummer when that dries up. bc there's quite a while left before the new one.
#it'd still be nice if i could find people doing text guides about salvaging basics i'll have to keep looking#just not youtube i need writing >_>;#it's sad that i'm this game dumb but i've always been like that#took me all of vanilla wow to really learn the basics of mmos and raiding and to start to understand my class (rogue)#ofc then i promptly switched to warlock with burning crusade lol#but i think this style of game is different enough that i've really been clueless even though it's been since june#though it's *only* been since june like a few months? compared to the years i spent in other games (or near a decade and a half in wow)#it's just kind of like i think so many are so familiar with these systems from so much time in genshin or even that other honkai game#that it's all second nature like everyone's in hoyo college and i'm still in grade school#trying to find guides that handhold and speak to my 'for dummies' level >_>;;#and lord i still don't know if i'm rushing it and wasting materials maxing out upgrades on relics that match 2+ substats#maybe others wait for 3 or 4 substats? bc i tried and was upgrading so few it was so rare?#or do people max out just if the main stat matches or with that or one substat?#this is where i miss the social aspects of mmos i could ask others easier and compare what i was doing vs them#i like game8.co but i still have made so many so many mistakes bc even being a guide that assumes more knowledge of the system than i had#like i needed guides that said no don't trust their automatic relic assignment button it's bad you have to evaluate each item and here's ho#and here's where you use your resources to upgrade#finally have the achievement for synthesizing 5 relics though i'm going to be super cautious on doing more#what with the extreme rarity of the resin#anyway... babbling to the void here i know#please ignore my sr bs#and figures i salvage all that disciple stuff bc i don't have blade and the guides say other stuff for arlan (who i won't lvl for ages)#only to find out that it's exactly what fx will need and while i don't have her what if i do get her?#it's exactly why i've been in 'save everything' mode bc the moment i got rid of something i didn't need whoops turns out it might be needed#i swear this game makes me so often feel like i'm always not doing the right thing while constantly doing the wrong thing#i'd like to feel like i truly understand the basics and am mostly competent with them but i'm not to that point yet :/
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.Shift by channeling.
Go to your DRs by channeling, again, step to step guide.
This can be used as a separate method, or you could use this when you need a final push.
This isn't the spiritual type of channeling, nor do you need to use AI or something, nor do you get possessed.
Step 1:
Before attempting to shift, choose a person from your DR. It could be your S/O, you can choose to channel multiple people, if you have a friend group or something, but i recommend picking someone whom you have a close connection with in your DR.
Have a voice claim ready, take some times to look at the person's pictures, remember their physical attributes, focus on their personality.
(You can listen to songs which remind you of your relationship with that person)
Step 2:
Lay down, when you're prepared to shift. You're going to start off saying affirmations like it's a normal shifting method.
If you can visualize, i recommend you think of visual affirmations which relate to your DR.
Its a method to affirm, where you go around your DR, whether it's your DR house, room, or a memorable or nostalgic place in your DR, and see your normal shifting affs, carved, written around, for example, your affs formed by clouds, carved into pillars and tables, written on your clothes, finding papers or letter which say your affirmations (so Affirmations ∝ Your DR)
You should try to be hype fixated, so if you are fidgeting, can't stay still, you're too engrossed in what's going on inside your mind to notice your body itching or twitching.
Do this until your symptoms intensifies or reach a peak, everyone feels differently, for some it's more physical (seeing light flashes, tingles, floating) for some it's mental (having a gut feeling, feeling euphoric) so don't get discouraged.
You aren't doing anything wrong.
Step 3:
This is where we come across our special person. While you're seeing your affs, make yourself meet them. Now, if you're confused and going to say this isn't channeling, then just stop. You're creating this reality and undoubtedly every moment you're experiencing, so when you're in a deeply concentrated phase, the only thing that could possibly stop you from having a very real and authentic meeting with your SP is your own self-doubt (anyways, if you're having self doubt then say an aff or two to combat them)
Your SP is standing right in front of you, let yourself loose at this point. No need to force anything scripted, but if you want then you can.
Have a conversation with your SP, whether it's initiated by you or your SP.
Maybe even invite them to drink tea, sit outside, take them to a secret spot.
Now you're having a conversation with them, starting off with your conscious thoughts doing the talking from your part, whatever your SP says is your subconsciousness speaking, or you're directly channeling them (both of which are the same thing, i hate being repetitive, you're creating reality if you believe you're being channeled by your SP, then that's what's happening)
Start off with a normal conversation, like how'd you talk to someone, someone you love and know very well.
Right now, you're going to say a very specific affirmation:
"(your SP's name) is just about to ask me what i was doing in my OR/void reality."
Then let the conversation take a natural turn. That question will eventually be asked, your loved one is just very curious about why you were away from them.
Now, what you will answer back will be the way how to shift.
"Oh, must be a fever dream, i had never had a dream so real, i was touching everything, each and everything felt legit." (best for permashifters, don't be afraid of using this if you intend to come back)
"I guess it was out of responsibility, but don't worry, i'm here now."
"I don't know myself, all i know i didn't like being there."
"I was curious, that's all; you know i like exploring new things, and come on, it was a whole new universe, but now i want to rest at home."
Whatever your SP says in response, whether they're asking you to come join them, or how they're glad you're back, just nod back.
Step 4:
Go to sleep in your DR, if you recall, you're in your home. Go towards your bed, crash down, close your eyes.
From this point onwards, you're going to embody your DR self and fall asleep acting normal, completely abandon the fact that you were shifting, or that you have shifted to your DR, act like a person (your DR self) living in any other world (your DR)
I described this in details in the third phase of my pinned post, you're supposed to do all that.
You'll wake up in your DR.
Why is this method supposed to work?
Connection to your DR environment ✔
Logically explains your involvement with your previous reality, why you were there for so long ✔
Reminds your consciousness that you've successfully shifted ✔
Connection to your loved ones in your DR ✔
Most importantly, connection to your DR self ✔
...
That's the method, you can also shift in between the method as well. There really isn't any reason for you to wake back in your CR, listen to some subliminals to remove intrusive thoughts, then you're good.
You could also make it so your SP had more control over your shift, like they brought you back, you can modify the method according to your wishes.
It's a short and sweet method, believe in your abilities and you'll be out of here faster than lightning.
...
This method is heavily focused on visualizing, if you have aphantasia then your DR SP can just speak to you, when you eventually cross over to your DR self's state of mind (if they can visualize) you'll get the ability to visualize like them, or get flashes of images.
...
Also thanks for everyone who gave me compliments in my inbox I have no clue how to receive them, but I am very grateful (:
#reality shifting#shiftblr#shifting#shifting blog#shifting antis dni#shifting motivation#shifters#shifting community#shifting stories#desired reality#shifting advice#shifting attempt#shifting affirmations#shifting methods#shifting tips#shifting consciousness#shifting reality#reality shifting community
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(un)secret admirer
luke castellan x child of aphrodite!reader
tip me on kofi, if you feel so inclined
requested: nope, I'm just currently obsessing over pjo (aren't we all?) and Charlie bushnell is my pookie so luke is also my pookie (what about all the people he murdered– what murdaaaa?!)
warnings: none I believe!
content: probably ooc luke becusse I haven't read the books, I don't know if demigods even nap, I don't remember the movies and he's barely in the show lol, some cuddling, lowercase intended because fuck grammar, also I know demi gods are dyslexic i just dont gaf because i thought this concept was cute, that's all!
a/n: SEND ME PJO REQS! please. also this is short and I'm sorry, I've been having horrid writers block.
"I don't get what the big deal is." Lukes voice could be heard from where he sat on your bed, as you gazed at the piece of paper in your hand, pacing back and forth in your room as you analysed its every minute detail to the best of your abilities. "you get letters from the other campers all the time."
"I already told you Luke. this handwriting isn't the same as any other letter I've gotten, so that means it's from someone who's never sent me a note before, and I need to know who it is."
you had recieved a myriad of letters ranging from 'I think you're pretty' to 'I would sacrifice my right arm just to get a hug from you' during your time here at camp. beyond being drop dead gorgeous, you were kind, always wearing a charming smile on your face, and having the ability to comfort people with your presence alone.
that (coupled with the facts that most kids here had some kind of parental baggage and your kindness definitely filled some kind of void) meant that you recieved many a words from not so secret admirers. you were sure that you knew the identities of the people who had given you sealed envelopes and tightly folded papers, but you were currently stumped.
you were startled out of your staring contest with the scribbled ink by the feeling of Lukes arms around your shoulders as he spoke. "I'm sure you'll figure it out eventually, now can you please come back to bed? you know that I can't nap if you're not with me."
you sighed, letting him lead you back to your bed so that he could rest before you two inevitable of the two of you needing to help around the camp occured. you stared up at the ceiling as he slowly started to dose off beside you, before you gasped and shot up, effectively spooking him out of a peaceful moment.
"it's Percy!" you shushed Luke before he had the chance to complain about your sudden exclamation or the fact that you weren't letting him get a wink of midday sleep. "I mean, he's just met me, and one of my friends probably told him some stuff about me–"
"it's not Percy." Luke deadpanned, pushing you down by the shoulder from the upright postpone you were sat in to make you lay back down, and wrapping his arm around your waist. you were shocked into silence, because although Luke was an affectionate friend, he had never cuddled you while he was still awake. he would always wake up and discovering that he had wrapped around you in his sleeping state, apologising sheepishly while retracting his limbs.
after a few moments of stunned silence, you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion at his statement. "and how do you know it's not him, huh?" he simply blew air from his nose, tightening his grip around your waist.
"because it was me, sweetheart."
now that shut you up fairly quickly, as you bit your lip to try to hinder the giddy smile that wanted to form on your features. you opened your mouth to speak again, only to be interrupted by Luke placing a small kiss on the back of your neck.
"we'll talk when we wake up, alright?" but you weren't having any of that. "okay... but, before you go to bed. how long have you liked me? is this actually the first letter you've sent? why wouldn't you just tell me, you idiot. obviously I like you too. I know you said some stuff that you like about me in the letter, but I want you to tell me about everything you like about me, like every feature, every trait-"
Luke chuckled, sporting a big grin as you spoke. he would tell you all of that and more, he would do anything you asked of him, just as long as he got to hold you in his arms just like this.
#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#percy series#pjo tv show#pjo x reader#pjo x you#luke castellan#luke castellan x reader#luke castellan x you#luke castellan angst#luke castellan apologist#luke castellan fluff#luke castellan fic#luke castellan fanfiction#luke castellan pjo#luke castellan imagine#luke castellan blurb#luke castellan x fem!reader
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