#(case in point: me posting this at a weird time of day bc I'm worried my tone will be misinterpreted)

[asurrogateblog]

[jigsaw voice] hello pink floyd fan. you have ten minutes to draft a post speculating about what happened to syd in a way that neither exaggerates nor dismisses the role of mental health and/or drug abuse in his departure from the band while simultaneously acknowledging his personal agency without reverting to either unfair blame or ableist infantilization. if you fail to write something sufficiently nuanced that does not ultimately contribute to his unsolicited martyrdom this brick I've tied on a string to the ceiling fan above your head will swing around and probably kill you eventually idk give it a few rounds

[gutsfics]

can you give specific examples of what happened to help people understand what happened

this is non-extensive, just the ones i think are the most egregious of what shes done and said

i'm not sure how much of this is stuff she's deleted, as these are all from screenshots i already had on hand, but i would like to say that deleting a post doesn't necessarily mean you no longer agree with what was said in it, especially if you double down on what was said when you're called out for it. which she has done Plenty of times

and for the record, this is not something i enjoy doing. part of the reason this took me a few days to post is because this is stressing me the fuck out and ive been trying to spend as little brainpower on this as possible

First point: queerphobia in the form of homophobic jokes, sharing panphobic rhetoric, and talking for transgender people on a topic she (as far as i am aware) has no

the pelicansexual "joke" was told at the expense of Ethan and Tobias during the "Ethan Bisexuality Canonity" argument she & i got into in June (which btw i would like to apologize for starting that up, i was frustrated w pb's coddling of the cishet part of the fandom & i was having difficulty phrasing it bc of how upset i was w it. i did not mean to attack the fandom specifically but intent doesn't cover for outcome)

the pelicansexual joke was a since-deleted tag on one of her posts which went something along the lines of "my Ethan and Tobias are now pelicansexuals, which means they have to break up with [her characters] as they are not pelicans". i dont have a screenshot of this unfortunately, but i do have a screenshot of her response to an anon calling her out on it.

in case you don't understand why her "joke" was homophobic, before gay marriage was legalized in the US in 2015, a common anti-homosexuality talking point was "homosexuality being legalized is a slippery slope to bestiality being legalized". while it is good she deleted her "joke", its frankly worrying to me that when called out on it she doubled down on how she was joking when she said it, instead of listening and learning. her bisexuality and queer activism do not mean that she is incapable of saying and doing homophobic things.

the panphobic rhetoric & her talking for transgender people are, if i remember correctly, both part of the same incident wherein she reblogged something panphobic and then, when called out for it, said something that something that most trans people consider transphobic isn't actually transphobic at all

screenshot 1: bisexuality and pansexuality are two very similar sexualities, with the main difference between the two coming down to personal preference for what term you feel like best. while bisexuality does mean "sexual attraction to two or more genders", some people prefer a term that focuses on the "or more" part. neither sexuality excludes transgender people. pitting queer people against each other because theyre not the "right" kind of queer does nothing but damage the queer community as a whole

screenshot 2: agreeing to delete the post, but doubling down on what she said and refusing to listen to anon simply because they're anonymous

screenshot 3: the highlighted part is what we're focusing on here. "We don't consider cis gay men who only date the same to be anti-trans". hi, I'm a trans gay man. Yes We Fucking Do. i don't understand why she thinks she has the authority to speak on this. what "we" is she referring to here?

Second point: lack of respect or understanding of boundaries in fandom spaces, including both blocks and simply not wanting to interact with someone

i'll be honest, i'm a bit unsure if the above paragraph is the right way of describing what i mean, but she has a bit of a history of being.... openly weird about people who have blocked her for "no reason", and not only that has stated she thinks that not wanting to take place in an event run by someone you are uncomfortable with is childish

i believe the first one is about my friend Jay, who has her blocked for similar reasons that i do. while it is perfectly fine for her to assume whatever she wants about the reasoning for a block, her phrasing of "all i ever did was be supportive" in a public post about it allows her to victimize herself over a boundary being placed. speaking of Jay, Elsa has, knowing full well that she's been blocked by xim on the "peonyblossom" blog- which, again, is a boundary that has been placed- decided to message xim on the choicespride blog xe runs

the second one is specifically about a tumblr user who i do not know personally and do not wish to drag them into this as they have left the open heart fandom. she was sent an anon about this user blocking her which, yeah, is really weird and suspicious. but this isn't about that, this is about her response to learning she's been blocked. she refers to herself as this users "biggest fan" and says that it "isn't normal" to block your biggest fan. once again she is victimizing herself over a boundary someone else has placed, only this time she has done it in a post talking about a person with their username in it. when you have a blog as big as hers, people are bound to go after someone in the name of defending the person they feel was slighted

& here's her essentially calling people childish bc they might not want to interact with someone who causes them harm. iirc this was either about certain event blogs in the fandom not disclosing who's running them bc they know full well that some people might not be comfortable interacting with them (hiding ur identity will not help with that) or about people choosing not to participate because they know that the person running the event is someone they don't want to interact with. this ones just bizarre to me. no one has to interact with anyone ever, and calling them childish for it is, frankly, childish

Third point: her callout post for Jeremy and her non-apology

to get it out of the way: i'm friends with Jeremy. i'll try to keep this as unbiased as possible, but i am deeply deeply upset and frustrated with everything thats happened to rain. also, just so yall know, Jeremy gave me permission to talk about this. i'm not just dredging up old drama for drama's sake here.

first- the callout post

the thing that started this was a post to the playchoicesconfessions blog where an anonymous user said- and i'm copy/pasting it here- "Ethan said he and Tobias were like brothers. Weird how many people in the fandom want to get with their brothers.’" essentially, this anonymous user accused people who ship Ethias as being into irl incest which..... we will not be getting into all the ways thats problematic here.

(as an aside, Elsa did at some point reblog and then delete this post, but her commentary was focused squarely on "ship and let ship" which is a sentiment i agree with but she completely ignored the blatant homophobia in this post. here's a version someone reblogged from her in case you're curious as to what she said)

Jeremy reblogged this confession post and added "i genuinely hope this person and others who think like this eat a fucking bullet holy shit" specifically in reference to the anon insinuating incest. in turn, anons on rain's blog assumed rai was referring to people who don't ship Ethais and sent rain nasty messages, which rai would respond to and get more anons who saw the latest response and again assume rai was talking about not shipping a ship they ship and not the actual genuine fucking homophobia from the original confession post.

one of these anons sent screenshots of rain's posts to Elsa, without the context, and told her rai was talking about her. rai was not. not until the post where rai (rightfully, ihmo) called both Elsa and another blogger (this one who also got a similar ask about being blocked by the user i mentioned earlier but who decided to put it in the open heart tags instead of keep it on their blog the way Elsa did. that's the only props i'll give to her in regards of that- yes it was shitty she posted it in the first place but at least she didn't tag it) for complaining about and villainizing someone who blocked them.

tldr version is- Jeremy was venting about anons that were being homophobic to rain, another anon sent screenshots of those posts to Elsa without the context who who rai was talking about and said they were about her, and Elsa, without bothering to verify in any way, decided the best course of action would be to publicly call rai out, painting rain as a bully who has been targeting her specifically and once again victimizing herself. on her blog with a bunch of followers. many of whom also chose not to verify, and instead just heaped more hatred onto Jeremy's blog.

this went on until September, when they talked to each other at first with a third party go-between, and eventually person-to-person. Jeremy explained the context of the vent posts, Elsa explained that she was getting the screenshots with no context from an anon and admitted she should have verified them herself instead of going full nuclear, and they both agreed to apologize publicly

all good, end of story, right?

no.

while in Jeremy's post, rai took accountability for their side of what happened in this awful game of telephone and apologized for rains part in the whole thing. if you want to read it, here is a version of it.

Elsa, on the other hand.... well she apologized, but to be honest I'm not quite sure what for.

she says there's been misunderstandings on both parts led on by one or more anonymous sources (no arguments here), says she understands that the posts that were sent to her were not actually about her (okay good) and says that its a tough world and that she's deleted her posts.

okay.... but that doesn't specify what she did at all to need the apology. which was publicly call out Jeremy on her blog with.... well, i'm not sure how many followers she has, but i do know that she's got the most well known blog in the choices fandom. by publicly calling out Jeremy in the way that she did, she (whether intentional or not) set her followers out to attack rains blog. she did not apologize for this. asking people to stop sending hate to rains blog is not the same as taking accountability for sending those people to rains blog in the first place

so. yeah.

again, non-extensive list, but i dont wanna mention things she's done without having screenshots or links to show proof that she did it, and i dont feel like finding more of her bullshit bc this just. really fucking stressed me out.

also this isn't me saying "shes a terrible person forever and i hate her and nobody should like her ever" this is me saying "hey, shes done/said some hurtful things in the past and it sure would be cool if she acknowledged any of it" but i think coolsville sucks or whatever.

also also most importantly: its possible for queer people to say and do things that are queerphobic. being queer yourself does not give you a shield from people calling you out for that. neither does real life activism. its great that she's done real life activism! but pointing back to things you've done in the past, or for a different group of people than the one youre in does not exempt you from the harm youre causing today, to the people you're interacting with.

i dont have a proper ending to this

thanks for reading i guess

[nathank77]

8/20/24

8:59 a.m

My insomnia was a bitch last night. I had to double up for the first time in 2 days. I'm willing to tonight after putting in much effort but the following day I'm SOL I won't raise my tolerance. It'll come down to weed tomorrow worse case.

I fell asleep by 1 a.m... it's really getting to me.

Let's go over my potential subclinical hyperthyroidism symptoms:

1) Insomnia....

I dont think there are others...

-muscles twitching: seems directly related to metopolol and have seemed to slow down and almost stop since stopping the meds.

-pooping: has went back to 2-3× a day. The 5 times that one day was directly linked to having over 39 grams of fiber in one day.

- Sweating/Heat intolerance: Not suffering from those.

-Heart Rate: Seems to be within normal range.

- Frequent Urination: I mean I drink a lot of fluids. It can easily be the explanation. Before bed I drink a cup of tea with my cigarettes.

-weight loss: my caloric in-take is low. I would be losing weight like a mother fucker if I was hyper.

-Anxiety: well I mean insomnia triggers me so much it's always extreme.. and okay so my thyroid nodules gave me anxiety randomly last night. Maybe we can say my anxiety is worse..... but idk it could also be that I care about myself and my sister had thyroid cancer and I didn't want to process that my thyroid grew another nodule despite it being smaller. And of course, my thyroid is of major interest to me atm bc of being sub clinically hyper..

- Appetite: I've had a slight increase in appetite but it seems normal. Every 4-6 hours. When I was hyper I was hungry every 2 hours... now I just feel hungry when I think a normal human body should.

Okay moving forward from that:

- is xanax losing its effectiveness? I don't think so but it crosses my mind.. yet some nights it works fine.

- or is my anxiety bad right now and it's keeping me from falling asleep quickly..

- is it the game I play before bedtime. It's fun it's call ice age adventure. Elise if you're here idk if your kids are too old to enjoy it but I think it's super fun and cute and they may love it. Nonetheless it's bright. And I play right before solitaire. It could be effecting it.

circadian rhythm: is it being effected by multiple nights of falling asleep later due to insomnia despite all the efforts I make to keep it so I can fall asleep by 11:30 p.m..

- then I think a wild thought what if my body is like if we don't sleep he will give us more? I mean it seems stupid cause it knows damn well that sure 2 days in a row I will but day 3 you're fucked. I'll make you pull an all nighter. I'm keeping my circadian rhythm I'll throw myself in the attic at 2 a.m if you won't sleep.

Gaming isn't a factor I haven't been gaming all my youtube videos are a week or 2 old being posted on a schedule.

Yesterday I had one red bull at 8 a.m. I had my v8 energy drinks too but stopped them at 2 p.m....

I mean I have had more tv time. But I mean of course I have. I'm running through my list of things to do and 90% of it at this rate costs me money I don't have so I can only do so much.

- bo4 hardcore barebones starts today. I have therapy and a physical. And I'm doing laundry so I can't really enjoy it today but starting tomorrow I'm going to be all in, I set up my week so I can enjoy it for as many days as possible. Although I have to go grocery shopping tomorrow.

- I am worried about money. Idk.

I suppose if I struggle tonight and tomorrow I'm going to do Methimazole everyday bc at that point I can't find another cause but it seems weird that it could be related to subclinical hyperthyroidism when I slept when I was hyper.

I don't think xanax is losing its effectiveness

I actually think my circadian rhythm has been thrown off too many nights in a row and maybe my tv is still a little too loud. If I turn it down anymore- the voice is going to be all i hear....

Maybe I can try being scared on YouTube on my tv with a sleep timer. His voice is low. And now my mental pictures are all sorts of normal and weird and I have control of them.

But yea I'm feeling hopeless. I'd rather follow my Dr original advice...but at some point as I take out the potential other causes it might be the only factor.

I think trying a lower TV show might be helpful. American dad has a lot of singing and screaming. It could be disrupting my ability to fall asleep or stay asleep. Technically I could be falling asleep quickly and waking up minutes later bc of a loud sound....

Or maybe it's just my circadian rhythm being thrown off. IDFK but I'm weighting every potential cause.

[worstdisastermaster]

hey i love your blog and fics! do you have any writing tips for a poor soul who cannot write for the life of me

!!!!!!!!!!! Jshdjchsjhskxjckxjkaakxjc thank you so much augsjxhxkahajs-

Ahhhh okay okay okay. Hmm.

1st, read. Read and read and read and dig down deep in the words like if u burrow enough the world won't be able to find u an drag u out. Shred it. What do you like? Why? What stands out? Do you like a particular word, or pov, or type of character? (What else do you like? Do you really, really like dogs? Have dogs be in your story, whether in the background or as a mc. If u love what u write ab it changes everything. Both for yourself, the passion that fuels you and KEEPS you writing after you hate the idea of words, and those who read it. Cuz people read to *feel things*. So show them what makes YOU feel) (similarly, what's a trait you/someone you know has? Flavour ur story with it. Maybe ur habit is the mc's pet peeve, or a guilty habit of their own. Is it a source of contention or is it seen as adorable? It makes ur characters feel real)

Steep it in ur mind. Think ab it. And then, write. I don't care what u write, just DO IT. bc that's the hardest part. Don't fix Grammer, don't read through it, just keep writing. Once you start the momentum, THEN you can go places.

See where your own words lead you. (Accidental foreshadowing my beloved-) let your current emotions drive you. Are you sleep deprived and anxious? Harness that and write a story that makes the most of every shred of emotion festering in ur brain.

Write as an escape, as a way to express, as a way to learn and show your appreciation and bc you want to.

Most importantly, DONT STOP.

Ur gonna feel stupid, probably. I do. Don't let it stop you. (Harness those emotions too,,)

Do nOt worry about looking stupid, sounding stupid, feeling stupid. It doesn't MATTER. You are creating something- lose urself in it.

Be proud of yourself. Every word that makes it onto that page is a victory and you should treat it as such. Bc writing is HARD, but u can DO IT

DO NOT READ IT. I reeat: DONT READ IT. As/immediately after u write it, ur gonna HATE IT. ur gonna despise it and feel disgusted by it and tired and miserable and like u never should have tried in the first place bc at least that wouldn't be an embarrassing waste.

DO NOT TOUCH IT.

Leave it ALONE. Post it if u like at this point, I do.

Wait AT LEAST a week b4 u reread it, but truly as long as u can.

I promise, it makes a HUGE difference in how you view ur own art. Ur sick of it, tired by the grueling effort of creating something, anxious bc u want to write like the authors you love- loooots of emotions.

But what you should do, is post it. No doubt it will take s bit for people to read and comment, but. Comments are life.

And keep. Writing.

Find something like toapril and do as much as you can, until you stop caring ab the quality of ur fics. Bc it doesn't matter!!!! It's a fic my friend.

Keep reading, keep writing, and make sure to have fun with it :D

(Btw. If this didn't rly answer ur question and u have others or whatever, lemme know!!!!! I'm not overly familiar with answering asks, or giving tips XD I do NOT feel qualified XD)

(Also I'm so sorry this is so much later- my phone died on me :/ I'm lucky I noticed in time to save the draft.....)

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THINKING OF ME

It's so weird to me that. People actually read my trash XDXDXD

Have a LOVELY day!!!!!!!!!! <3<3<3<3<3<3

(Oh and. In case ur curious. I'm following u 2 cuz I love ur blog, v much)

[polarseven]

Continued from my previous post since I kept typing but it wasn't super relevant to the original post

Especially if I don't get enough attention, I can get inside my own head and can spiral, and it's gotten to a point where after maybe two or three dates I tell them this, and let them know, and it's almost always "Oh don't worry I do too!" And it's never. Fucking. True.

Break bc length I guess.

I'm spouting this all on a kink post because I was to explore kink so badly, and I get how it works. Effort on both sides. Boundaries. Discussion. Honesty. Ask what they need. Ask your dom for their safeword during scenes too. It's not focusing on the sub, they're not the only human in that room. And I want someone who will help me navigate these things! I have many things I want to try out and just...can't. I don't know how much I enjoy things until I do them irl and I have so many people tell me what a good partner I am both before dating them, while, and AFTER dating them. And they never stay. And sure it's a mutual breakup a lot! And for healthy reasons. But usually thats for my health. Like, theyre bad at communicating, they say theyll get beyter, and dont. My last ex wpuld tell me we would hang out snd then ghost me thr next day and hang with other friends because they forgot. And given several chances they didnt fix it enough for it to not hurt me, so I had to end it. I feel like in just...unlucky. like they're not bad people, I'm still friends with them and a few of my other exes, but it just doesn't work in relationships. I worry I'm the common denominator but when almost every partner is telling me that's not the case, I communicated well, then whats the problem???

I get it, I'm young, someone will come eventually yeah yeah. It's still hard though. I'm 23. My longest relationship has been 8 months, and about 3 of those were long distance. All my of friends either have had at least one long term relationship or are married, nobody seems to bounce around and date a lot of people like I do. And there's not anything wrong with it, but...it feels weird that I'm the only one I know that does it. Maybe other people do and they're ashamed about it ans don't talk about it? Whatever the case, it's just...a weird feeling. I see people talk about having experiences, whether in long term relationships or kinks or whatever, and it just feels like I'm missing out.

I just want someone who will help me explore, together, with me. Someone who will want to be around me, enjoys talking with me, someone where it doesn't feel forced. It seems so easy for others? Everyone seems sucessful, either online or in person. And I know I'm probably the majority here. I've seen people struggle for years and years and then suddenly they find someone, and at least for a length of time it clicks. But it's just so weird for me. It feels different. Is it the autism? I can never tell how hard I'm masking, if I even am, and I don't know how to interact with other people online. I'm better in person. But in person, there's just not as many trans people. Or it's so much harder to connect. You have to pretend to be nice and friendly until you get close, and then you both slooowwwwly come out of your shell, and it feels like such a fucking waste of time that people aren't more sincere. But I can't even seem to find the people that are like me, that feel the way I do. I dunno. I deserve to sadpost and vent.

[stevesbipanic]

Hi! Just saw your post about steve learning morse code (and the implied Eddie survival/rescue) and it made me grin thinking about how ~after~ that round of horror settles the two of them would find hmm, creative ways to take advantage of this (bc if after Eddie's been trapped there with one(1) phrase he can signal he'd probably feel better learning the rest once he's free. Just in case) but anyway my point! Imagine the two of these dorks gossiping & roasting their children in front of them ~🎶🐧

Morse Code Ficlet glad you liked it, here's a part 2 from your ask ❤️

After Eddie, who had secondhandedly received some of El's healing when she saved Max, had been rescued, he spent a long time in hospital. Steve spent the majority of his time with him too, only leaving when forced out by Robin or Hopper even though Steve would've happily slept in the chair. Both boys felt they had a second chance at what they'd felt for the other and they weren't going to waste it.

Eddie spent a lot of his time reading to Steve, telling him that he can't be seen dating someone that doesn't know that Mordor is a place not a person. They went through all of Eddie's books then all of his music and still Eddie had to stay in hospital. Steve knew that Eddie was becoming increasingly bored and restless and so one day he bright in his own stack of books.

"What's this, Stevie?"

"My morse code books, I thought since it saved you life, I should teach you the rest in case you ever need it again."

By the time Eddie left hospital he had memorised the whole alphabet.

Despite learning under the pretense of needing it for emergencies, Steve and Eddie started using it all the time.

When Steve felt a migraine coming on and it hurt too much to talk he'd just tap out the word to Eddie even if he was across the room and they would leave.

If a room was becoming too overwhelming for Eddie or too loud he'd sign help to Steve and they'd go outside for a breather or a smoke break.

They'd have full conversations about the kids right in front of them just to mess with them.

"That kid has such an attitude today, he gets it from you ya know."

"You're the dramatic one, he gets it from you."

"He was like thos when you sent him to high school, Stevie, learnt his mama's sass."

"You take that back I'm not sassy!" Steve yelled out loud.

"Whatever you two are tapping out Steve you're definitely sassy."

"Wounded by my own flesh and blood, Robin"

"My mother would adopt you in a heartbeat so don't let her hear you say that."

The kids had tried learning when they realised the boys were talking about them a lot. Only Erica figured it out completely and joined in sometimes. Dustin claimed to know it perfectly but they tapped your hat looks dumb today and he didn't react so they were pretty sure they were in the clear.

Eddie had been acting weird all week and Steve was worried. Were they breaking up? Was Vecna back? Was this a code red? They were lying on the couch when Steve couldn't take it anymore.

"Eddie what's wrong? You've been acting weird lately and if you're just going to break up with me I'd rather you just say it rather than prolonging it because I don't know if I can handle this much longer."

"Hey hey hey no I'm not breaking up with you, sweetheart, I promise."

"Then why have you been acting strange?"

Eddie took a deep breathe and rested his hand on Steve's knee, slowly tapping out three words.

"Oh Eds, I love you too."

Morse code had saved them and Morse code would always keep them together.

[monimolimnion]

⭐ for kindred!!

Ask is from the ⭐director's cut ask meme! tysm astri i had so much fun yammering about this \o/ ♡

some general tidbits:

Pess Edgeworth as she is in Kindred has an entire google doc explaining her genotype and phenotype, for what she looks like in the fic, because i am an Insufferable Nerd. here it is you're welcome

Kindred's writing and planning was actually split into 2 google docs; since I had such a big hiatus in the middle, and I have weird feelings about editing a doc if it's sat untouched for a long time (no idea why???) I started another one for [redacted] planning and post-hiatus writing come ch8.

I also had an entire spreadsheet for date and time math because otherwise i could not hold it all in my tiny peanut brain

[SPOILERS AHEAD FOR CHAPTER 8 ONWARDS]

Here's the story of why I made Kindred a casefic ;)

I had the Vibes for Kindred, and the eventual endpoint, in my head very early on. I knew I wanted a slow, soft, slow-burn, very character-focused and driven fic where I could zoom right in on what adopting a dog is actually like, and how that would interplay with Miles' brain and his past, and inflict some character development on him whether he liked it or not. That was beginning and midplot sorted. But the climax and ending worried me - I had a very certain feeling I couldn't do the Whole fic with just Pess' adoption as the inciting incident. This proved true when writing ch7 got very difficult - I was nearing a change in structure but I also sort of just ran out of things to talk about that fell in line with the daily format and mood of the fic. (Besides the Maya call. that's still one of my favourite parts of the entire thing) I couldn't keep going without zooming the fic out in time from day-to-day to likely the whole rest of the disbarment, bc lbr it'd take that long for Mies' adjustment in behaviour to bleed out from his relationship with Pess to his other relationships. And I knew that allowing the action to peter out in this way would probably make the bottom fall out of the end of the fic, when it should really be ratcheting tighter (which is something I'm VERY proud of in how Kindred turned out. plot tension is not something ive been excellent at in the past but I really got the effect I was going for in the end I think). I also had a dangling question I hadn't solved - where did Pess come from? Borzois are hardly common in America OR Japan, let alone Japanifornia, and it's highly unlikely to just trip over one in a shelter. There had to be something else - she'd been put there for a reason, and not by chance. (You can see where this is going).

The turning point: a cricket game.

I am not someone who enjoys Sports. but unfortunately i am Australian, and we are batshit for cricket, so it was on against my will in the background as i noodled on my brainstorming doc. all of a sudden I hear one of the umpires referred to by the commentators and sit bolt upright. "Is his name fucking Rifle?" I ask my dad with pure incredulity. "Yeah," he says, mildly annoyed and not at all realising why that is the coolest shit in the world and I am losing my mind. Turns out the guy has been around forever, actually used to play on the international team, and that's probably old news to anyone who actually follows cricket, but his name is Paul Reiffel and that was the funniest shit in the world to me. I immediately thought ...someone has to write a casefic using that name. ...what if it was me. ......what if kindred turned into a casefic. UH OH

Was scared shitless and not certain on actually doing that but I started planning it anyway, even if a casefic is the opposite of things in writing that I'm actually good at. (Remembering exact details and arranging a crime scene and alibis? amazed i made it through with only a 1 year hiatus. it should have taken me an entire lifetime) Pess being actually involved in the case (spoilers) wasn't in the works from the very start, but it did come into play very early because using that as a way to resolve All the plot threads was just a no-brainer.

extract of the exact moment my brain exploded about that:

[batarangsoundsdumb]

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

[nexyra]

What is your take on rwby chara's mbti types? I think

Weiss - xSTJ, thought that she was ESTJ at first but ISTJ makes a lot of sense too.

Winter - ESTJ

Pyrrha - ESFJ

Emerald - ISFJ (I've seen some ppl type her as INFJ but I don't see how she is a Ni dom?)

Whitley - ENTJ? I'm honestly not sure abt that..

Adam - fucked up xNFJ, probably INFJ (seen him typed as xNTJ but his delusional thinking process imo screams unhealthy Ti and I think his manipulation of Blake and the WF is more Fe than Te

Qrow - was thinking ISTP but with the more recent volumes I'm really not sure..

Penny - ENFP

Ozpin - Uuuuuh INTP maybe?? But I've seen some people type him as INFJ. INFJ 5w6 would make sense as to why he might appear as an INTP but idk..

Bartholomew- ENTP

Jaune - no fucking idea honestly

Ironwood - ENTJ

Sun - Seen ppl type him as ENFP but I don't see any Ne at all..,,ESFP?

Yang - ESxP, maybe ESTP

Cinder - INTJ

Mercury - ISTP

Oscar - ISFJ

Ren - ISTx?

Hello anon ! I see my love for typology hasn't gone unnoticed 😂 Thank you so much for the ask !

I prefer enneagram over MBTI because I find it easier to type; so fair warning that I'm not an authority on MBTI-typing. But I do have have an ongoing RWBY typing that includes MBTI sooo... here goes !

(I'm putting my ennea typings along with it, but not explaining them on this post)

➸ RWBYJNPR

Ruby • xNFP 6w7 9w1 2w3?

I just can't decide between the two fors Ruby because... it kind of goes both way ??? Like Ruby definitely feels as INFP for the first half of the series; she's got a clear Fi > Ne preference... But then when she develops her Tert in V6 it's just... Te ? And she really doesn't show much Si actually she fits more the Si inf vibe in the form of forgetting about bad memories and her mom until people dig it up and she's like "nooo !" ?? So it looks like Te > Si but also Fi > Ne; conclusion idfk

Weiss • ISTJ 1w2 6w5 3w4 sp/so

Clear Fi tert rearing its head along with the 1 so I'm going with ISTJ; I also never really saw any Ne. Her type isn't too disagreed upon so tell me if you want a lenghtier explanation.

Blake • ISFP 6w5 9w8 4w3 (in some order)

Wooh this might get the anger of some (i have experience with the INFJ typers) but Blake goddamn REEKS of Fi. Less so recently but for the first seasons oh my god. She straights up catch you by the shirt and tells you "I'm doing the right thing"; and said right thing is so heavily dependant on her own subjectives values, which is why Blake can't reconcile with the current White Fang; because she doesn't have a strong Je vision of "what objectively works in the end", she only sees actions in terms of immediate right and wrong, and this b&w dichotomy stems from herself. What the WF is doing is wrong and the circumstances don't matter for judging the morality of their actions (of course I'm not talking about murder here bc that's pretty wrong ALL THE TIME but for example the stealing occuring in V1 bc of the WF is a better example)

Yang • ESXP 7w8 8w7 2w3

I'm sorry about that but I can't help you on that aspect anon, I still can't make up my mind about whether Yang has Fi or Ti. I have seen arguments for both, and i'm not the best at picking up on Ti so it's hard for me to tell.

Jaune • ESFJ 6w7 3w2 9w1

No strong opinions on his MBTI, it's kinda just based on vibes

Nora • ENFP 6w7 9w8 3w2

Textbook ENFP, not much to say here x))

Pyrrha • XXFJ 2w1 1w2 6?

In my list Pyrrha is currently written down as ISFJ but that's mostly based on the general consensus and me wanting to get rid of the XX. I don't actually have any convincing arguments to decide on Ni or Si, so I could go either way if someone else makes their case well. I feel like she's Fe aux more than dom, but even about that I could change my mind. Pyrrha didn't have that much screentime in the end :((

Ren • ISTJ? 9w1 5w4 4w5

Ironically I'm not sure about his type, kind of like you. I've mentionned I'm not very good at picking up on Ti right ? And Ren was a background character before V4 really. I had him written down as ISTP for a while but I've seen some convincing arguments for ISTJ so I might lean toward that actually but who knows. The thing I'm very confident about is his 5 fix = )

➸ Faunus bonus

Sun • ESFP 7w6 2w3 9w1 so/sx

I don't see any Ne at all either so I don't understand the ENFP typings...?? Maybe the 7 stereotypes ? Imo Sun is just a very good boy; certified ESFP 7 himbo; triple positive sunshine !

Ilia • Ti-Fe axis ?

Again, not enough screentime for me to make an educated guess. My only certainty is : not high Fi. It's the source of their conflicts. Blake confidence in absolute right & wrong, tracing lines in the sand between acceptable & unacceptable. Whereas Ilia can only shake her head and say "Because it works", or cry out "I don't know what else to do !"

Adam • 3w4 8w7 6w5

I honestly don't really have much of an opinion about Adam's MBTI, i'm sorry anon ;; I don't know enough about how he thinks

➸ Oz-related things and his circle

Ozpin • INFJ 5w4 2w1 1w9

I would personally call him an INFJ. I... never really got INTP vibes from him ? I don't see the Fe inf work out with his interactions : he's always rather at ease, he knows how to navigate around people... His focus inherently lies on doing what's best for the "group", the people, humanity. Fx functions are both concerned with ethics, in different ways, and I think Oz reflects that well. He IS concerned with the moral weight of his actions, but it's a more adaptable and unpersonnal concern than Fi people. He regards Ironwood's soul machines as something wrong, but can still agree to use it if the situations demand it for example. So... if the INFJ + 5 makes sense to you, well that's what I'm typing him personally. I also feel like Ni fits him more than Ne. Ozpin has a very linear way of planning, he does use his fair share of symbolism in every day conversation... Even when taking decisions, he... kind of cares about the meaning of things a lot ? It's hard to explain but like; the way he highlights the difference between an army and a guardian, and the emotionnal response it brings. I don't know it feels like there's some Ni vibes in there x)

Oscar • ISFJ 9w8 6w7 3w2

Oscar's type honestly isn't the one I would have the easiest time explaining in lenght but yea. It's mostly vibes; also just like Ozpin he doesn't seem to have a particularly Fi reasonning. And he feels more grounded, I don't really remember any Ni so... yay ?

Ironwood • ENFJ 6w5 1w2 3w4 (pre-Vol8); ENTJ (post-Vol8)

Might be weird if you think he was a dictator from the start, but I kind of entertained the idea of Ironwood being Fe dom ? From his very first interaction it was very clear that he was a Je dom to me; he's all about objective results; he doesn't give off the "internal framework" or "personnal values" vibe AT ALL; so it was more a matter of picking Te or Fe. He LOOKS super Te don't get me wrong; but he also has an enneagram tritype that is very common amongst XXTJs (and TJs stereotypes thus derive from it). And just like Oz, his focus at all time seemed to be the greater good and doing what's best for the people still. So I was like... Eh, a "harsh" ENFJ I think that's interesting ? Plus Fe ethics actually derive from their environment, kinda like "everyone agrees that Y is wrong", and if you consider that James is from Atlas... Well his way of thinking and ethics align pretty well with the military.

His character took a turn for the worse in V8 (whether too quick or not depends on who you ask) and past that point he's a clear ENTJ; but I feel like it was more debatable before that. Idk though I might be overthinking this in the hope of making more interesting combinations xD

Qrow • ISTP 4w3 6w7? 1w9? sp/sx

I don't really see anything else than ISTP for Qrow... But he's not a character I would want to find Ti arguments for either.

Raven • ENTJ Cp6w5 8w9 3w4

Most villains get called ENTJ at the first occasions tbh zlqfznhqzkf but I think it fits Raven for the most part actually...

➸ Atlas

Winter • ESTJ 1w9 3w4 6w5

The whole Schnee family has the same enneagram tritype in different order/different wings, it's ridiculous I think she has a higher Te than Weiss, and Fi inf fits her more. She struggles more to reconcile with her emotions and the idea of a personal right/wrong than her little sis.

Penny • ENFP 4w3 6w7 9w1 sx/so

Perfect example of a healthy 4, she's a great friend a cutie pie. ... Sorry we were talking about MBTI x) Well again, textbook ENFP. Not much to debate here.

Whitley • 3w4 1w9 6w5?

Not enough material for me to guess a MBTI type correctly either, sorry... I could see some kind of xNTJ yea but it's really just vibes and not enough concrete.

➸ Antagonists and Extras

Cinder • 8w7 3w4 6w5

Never cared to guess her MBTI type. I hereby type her as insufferable qkfqskfq. More seriously, I don't really know sorry Anon :/

Emerald • 2w3 ?w? ?w?

I never got Fe vibes from her tbh, I just think she's a 2. And Fe as a function is very infused with 2 stereotypes. So yea. Like, she isn't even that worried about the morality of her actions or anything more than the other villains. She just cares more about her personal relationships and being loved, so she automatically looks much nicer, especially with 2 mechanisms of trying to make herself useful and needed. Also because she's surrounded by 8-ish people xD

Mercury • 8w9 7w8 ?w?

ISTP doesn't sound too farfeteched, but I never MBTI-typed him either, sorry.

+

Bartholomew Oobleck • xSxJ 5w4

The only vibe he gave me is Si somewhere because of all his talks about learning from the past and everything repeats itself and it's a mine of informations at Mountain Glen... That's really the only time I tried to put down anything for him, and it was Si + 5. He could be some kind of xNTP nerd too for sure, but that's more vibe and I couldn't make an actual argument for it.

[huntertherapyeras]

all -5's please!

thanks for asking anon! before y'all continue reading this, i want to warn y'all that it gets heavy at points, as aster lore often does. i put warnings before each triggering topic followed by dots in case you want to avoid reading those responses! happy learning 💜

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

cans all the way!!! super cold soda cans have the best carbonation... soda bottles go next! i find once you've poured the soda into any sort of cup a lot of the carbonation goes away with it and i dont like that >:(

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

bold of you to assume my dyspraxic ass was good at anything during pe. i have very little upper body strength (even after years of gymnastics conditioning trying to build it up), and i couldn't catch or throw a ball until i was like 15 bc my shoulders like to dislocate whenever i use them djnnfnn. also didnt realize until i was an adult that my eyes have totally different prescriptions so my depth perception was garbage the first 20 years of my life which is probably why my left eye is lazy now 😭

but once high school hit and i was able to do gymnastics for all my pe credits thru my homeschool program i did great! lmao

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

ok i know ayn rand is disgusting but anthem kind of changed my life when i first read it. id never seen a writing style like that before and i honestly think it influenced my own writing style a lot!!!!

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

on my laptop! i cant handwrite anymore after my arm injury and writing was already pretty hard before that bc my fine motor skills.... are not so good. learning to type opened up a whole new world for me, im a pro at it now!

25. first song you remember hearing?

is it super weird if i say "a cruel angel's thesis", the neon genesis evangelion theme song? one of my first memories is hearing that song and watching that anime. i was probably like three? Thats Not For Children Mom. but i mean. i guess i turned out ok (lmao) so its FINE!

30. places that you find sacred?

empty beaches. especially when its a little cold out. the ocean seems to stretch endlessly and you can feel the sand between your toes and everything is so quiet and loud at the same time. and then the sun goes down and the tide rises and you're just a little convinced its gonna swallow you right up. you feel so small.

the louisiana bayou at night. it feels like you shouldn't be there. there are spirits roaming the streets. one day when i being babysat at my mom's friend's house i looked out the window and saw a pair of glowing red eyes. i'm not sure if anyone believed me.

35. average time you fall asleep?

that is a LOADED question lol! my sleeping schedule is so weird bc im just now being treated for bipolar after years of being in denial about it and i have a delayed sleep phase + severe sleep apnea. so uhhh. really depends. but when i just follow what my body wants and don't worry about responsibilities i usually pass out around 3/4 am and wake up around 3-5 pm.

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

drugs m, pregnancy loss m

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when i was 12 i nearly skipped another grade and went straight to high school instead of grade 8. i would have stuck with it too, but i was being bullied really heavily at my school (partially bc i was considered a prodigy i guess). it was a small alternative school that encouraged weed smoking. i once found a bud on a desk and everyone tried to act like i wouldnt know what it was even though my mom grew weed medically when i was growing up and supplied like. the entire midwest or whatever. but i went along with it because i didn't want to put a target on us. *shrugs* middle school was hard for me lol. i eventually left the school because the principal mentioned my mom's recent miscarriage in front of everyone. between that and the bullying i just couldn't deal anymore i guess.

the school ended up being closed a year later because of shady stuff. my mom and i kinda saw it as karma i guess

sorry! that story is kind of a bummer!

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45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

ohhhh i think... i think i love science fiction and fantasy equally! especially stuff that weaves the two together, so like science fiction with fantasy elements or fantasy with science fiction explanations! superhero stuff is great too ofc!

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

😳 i dont... remember .... djdnfn my memory is mostly blank spaces tbh..but recently! fandom shitposts i think!

55. favorite fairy tale?

rapunzel hits hard. also the little mermaid.... yeah

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

oh defs slice of life! but like... a slice of life that romanticizes the mundane 💜 there's so much beauty in normal things. ive had such a strange life that i kind of cling to it i think

65. any permanent scars?

a facet of my ehlers danlos syndrome is that i scar easily, and that the scarring is often abnormal and extensive. pretty much every open wound i have ever had has left a scar on me.

the biggest ones i can list: (tw for abuse mentioned, an allusion to self harm (im ok now))

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the discoloration on my right foot from stepping into a pot of boiling water when i was an infant

the gouge on my knee when i fell on it walking when i was 4

the eye shaped scar i have on my right hand from touching a lightbulb when i was 8 (idk what i expected lol)

the place where my bone chipped when i fell out of a tree house when i was 11/12

another gouge on the same knee from falling between the tumble track and the floor when i was 13

the four inch long and inch 1/2 wide flat keloid on my left arm that i have from the surgery to repair my broken arm from where they inserted a titanium plate and screws when i was 15 and the inch long keloid i have from where they tried to insert a rod instead (bone was too misshapen, they did surgery too late)

various scars that i dont wanna say where they came from, but im extremely mentally ill so u can probably guess

the keloid i have on my right arm from my mom biting me when i was 17

another burn mark on my right arm from dropping a glass jar of queso hot from the microwave (again, idk what i expected -_-)

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70. left or right handed?

left handed! but i can use my right for most thinks since my left never fully regained function. i still hold a needle and write with my left hand but everything else i can now do with my right!

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

i mean. i must've been six? i remember my mom kept all my baby teeth in a little unicorn resin jar. i wonder if she still has it 🤔

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

jewel tones!!!! i live for glamour 💕

85. fairy tales or mythology?

mythology!!!! love fairy tales, but theres just something about things people have Believed in. its so special to me. so sacred.

90. luckiest mistake?

something really scary happened last year and the police got involved. i was determined to not be at fault, but im so lucky that no one got hurt and that the person who could have blamed me was on my side and advocated for me 🥺💜

95. favorite app on your phone?

mmmm probably either Hellsite (affectionate) or picsart. i love picsart so much. MEME EDITING??? ON MY PHONE... immaculate

so sorry this got so heavy at points x.x

[mycelier]

My name is Simone and I would like to tell you a tale!

I will not have access to my laptop for some days more and because writing on my phone is kind of painful (physically, because I am working on hand mobility now), this may end up in drafts and taking a while to post. I am going to share what has been happening the last 2 months because I feel like everything went from 0 to 100 in the span of a few weeks and its been really, really wild.

So!!! LETTUCE begin!

For roughly 5 years I've been struggling to get a diagnosis on an extremely painful area of my arm. There was literally nothing visible; no lump, discoloration or any other physical abnormality to indicate anything was wrong. I spent thousands on pretty much every kind of imaging you can do, and was told time and time again that there was nothing wrong and, perhaps, it was psychosomatic and I needed therapy or, more often than not, I was given a shrug and a vague "i dunno" response.

This year, something changed. I deal with chronic pain (my spine is congenitally fused in my neck and lower spine and I have baby bone spurs all over), and in the process of trying to work on that I brought up my arm again to a dr I no longer see. He'd told me my arm was SEVERAL things over the years I had been seeing him but this time said it was a fibromyalgia knot, something I had been told by a team of doctors some time before that. I said okay cool and was sent to a physical therapy rehab center where the dr worked with myofascial release and stretches to help with injuries. This amazing man fixed my plantar fasciitis and helped get my chronic headaches under control but NOTHING we did helped my arm pain. Within a month he was worried bc we had started to notice that there was a hardness to the spot that never changed with any exercise or massage.

Worried that there was a nerve being trapped or crushed (another diagnosis I'd gotten over the years), this amazing man sent me to a neurosurgeon who immediately frowned and said he didn't think my neck pain and my arm pain were connected. He ordered an MRI of my arm and despite it not being visible on an MRI 2 years before, he found something PHYSICALLY THERE where I said I had pain. He considered doing the surgery to remove it (despite being a neurosurgeon he was fascinated with this weird horribly painful spot) but eventually sent me a surgeon for an oncology center, assuring me it was because this new surgeon was one of the best in Texas for removing soft tissue tumors, not because there was any thought of cancer.

I met with the surgeon who gave me one more diagnosis of an AVM (arteriovenous malformation), snd said they were benign and not necessary to remove as well as the possibility that if removed it would likely return. Truly, at this point after 5 years of constant nauseating horric pain when someone brushed against me or if I gently brushed against ANYRHING, a pain so bad that it had basically made me stop using my right arm as much as possible (of course I'm right handed lol), I said GET THAT FUCKER OUT OF THERE MAN and my first surgery was scheduled.

Surgery one occurred Nov 5th and was an out patient event. I went home and passed out. At some point my mom said that while I'd been in recovery the dr said the thing in my arm hadn't looked like what he expected so he had sent it to pathology. I went back to work and was hanging out until the Tuesday before Thanksgiving when I went in for a super immediate meeting with a different doctor who told me that what had been in my arm was a synovial sarcoma, aka, cancer! He, this incredibly kind man I did not know, gently discussed chemo and told me I needed to have a CT scan immediately. Based on the CT, i was either in stage one or stage four if it has spread to lungs. The day before Thanksgiving I received the news that it was stage one, it had not spread, and i was so fucking happy.

Then it was time talk about next steps. My surgeon marked out a circle on my arm to indicate how much he was gonna remove in order to guarantee clear margins..but it was not enough of a meeting for me to grasp the surgery I was about to receive.

The day of my second surgery, dec 8th, came quickly and i met with the plastic surgeon, the kindest, most patient man. He moved my arm around and explained how he was going to hijack a vein from my forearm in order to keep the blood flow health to the flap he was gonna take from the donor site: My inner thigh.

It has been 11 days and I am living in an inpatient rehab facility, working on dealing with the nerve damage/pain, the EXTREME pain of my donor site, and the lost mobility that I am working on getting back, both in my leg and my hand. The majorities of my arm is numb...except where the nerve pain burns my wrist and forearm and makes it painful to wear my arm sling (I can't fully extend my arm, nor can I lift, push, pull or use my arm in any way that would stress out my new arm flap). Also may have a brand new urinary tract infection but as I write this I'm chugging water for a urine sample to hopefully get that treated. Below are some pictures I have taken/had taken of my arm! Im not ready to look at my leg outside of the bandages (which, since having the wound vac removed today, hell yeah, will need daily dressing changes).

EDIT: I tried posting pictures of my arm last night and my post disappeared immediately so I will try to make a new post with these photos in case the whole post was erased because of them. I will tag them as post surgery photos. I do not consider them gory or excessive but hey that's just me.

I intend to post more things as I keep healing and as I gain more mobility. I was given "independence" in my room yesterday which means I can officially get up without any assistance needed (using my badass new cane to help me lift my foot in and out of bed)!!!! Which also means I can get up whenever I want without the bed alarm going off. I have a badass cane that has been the best tool in helping me get around (and has inspired my mom and others to suggest and look into getting me a cane sword which makes me laugh REAL hard). See below me using the cane to move my foot in and out of bed!

Part of why I'm posting this is because I really needed to talk about it and while later posts may not be this long or expository but I wanted to have a base post to explain other ones related to this one!!!

I will update with some newer pics tomorrow night when my mom comes by to help me take newer pics. The arm flap looks super healthy (according to the drs), and when they changed my leg dressing they said its looking really good and healthy!

I......also really wanted to post my Amazon wishlist. Due to this stupid wild bad lottery ticket, I've been struggling to pay my bills and rent but!!! I have good insurance, thankfully (since I live in the US and my hospital stay and this rehab stay would have more than bankrupted me), and im hoping my disability checks will get here in time for rent!!! I'm putting up my wishlist bc I can't afford some of the "essentials" on there and, also, because I havent been able to have any kind of comfort during any of this. I never ask for anything for holidays because usually i...dont want to burden people with spending money on me since I know how hard money is, especially right now. And if I don't have enough for rent later I might have to create a go fund me...but right now everything looks good for rent and bills just...not for anything fun.

Thank you so much for your time!!! And happy holidays you wild bastards!!!

https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/36PG6BAYD18U7?ref_=wl_share

[nagichi-boop]

hey there! i have a few questions i'm confused about related to ocd. i'm not diagnosed with ocd but i do have anxiety (health and general anxiety) and when i asked my therapist regarding this, she said it didn't point towards ocd. so here i am bcs i wanna learn where to draw the line.

i've been having a anxious period for the last two weeks. so mostly what if intrusive thoughts like "what if my anxiety never recovers?" keep coming a few times but i can deal with them.

however, last week i read a post and after that, a certain word started popping up in my mind. it was bothersome at first but then i eventually got over it. but then a random person told me it sounds like ocd and i got anxious about that.

now the word barely pops up but when it does, it doesn't bother me. however, what makes me anxious is the "what if its ocd?" thought. i know it sounds weird but rather than actually having other intrusive thoughts, the thought that's making me anxious the most is "since i have/had a word in my mind, it indicates ocd."

my therapist says it could've been ocd in case it was the word (and other words/thoughts) that bothered you but instead what's causing you distress is the what if its ocd thought as in i've self diagnosed myself and my anxiety brain is making me believe it. she said that it points more towards anxiety.

but now i find myself questioning every one of my habits. like does me choosing/preferring certain colors over others, buying/using only light colored cloth hangers bcs they look more positive, finding one side of bed better than other, praying everyday bcs i don't like skipping it, sitting at the end of the table or just me wanting to stick to my schedule, are these compulsions? or are these just habits and preferences? these choices don't impact my life in any way nor do they make me anxious and i can change those up easily but now, i find myself questioning them.

i'm sorry if you find this bothering you. that was not my intention. i just had some questions as to where do we draw the line between daily habits and ocd compulsions? or even between anxiety what ifs (like what if i have xyz disease?) and ocd obsessions/compulsions?

thank you and sending lots of love ❤

Hey, thanks for the ask! And dw you’re not bothering me. <3

I’m gonna start off by saying I’m not a professional - heck, I am not even diagnosed with ocd and I still on and off doubt that I have it - so I’m by no means the authority on what is and isn’t ocd, but I can try offer my opinion?

I’m not entirely sure how much research you’ve done into ocd and I still myself struggle to know what is and isn’t a sign of ocd. The constant wondering if the thing is ocd could be rumination, which is I believe a type of compulsion, but I can’t say for certain whether that’s directly a result of ocd.

The things you listed in that one paragraph I suppose could be ocd, but since you said it doesn’t cause you anxiety it’s possible it’s also not. To my knowledge, compulsions are usually done out of a state of anxiety. For example, someone who has a hand washing compulsion will find it deeply uncomfortable and anxiety inducing to not wash their hands when the desire pops up. I don’t really think that if it’s related to ocd that you can easily just change them, but again I’m not an expert. It’s an uncontrollable intrusive thought that leads to the action rather than a matter of preference. I guess it kinda depends why you do them. Do you pray every day because that’s your routine or because you’re worried that if you don’t something bad will happen?

Ocd is marked by obsessions, compulsions and intrusive thoughts. So someone might have something like “if I don’t flick the light switch 7 times, my whole family will die”, and so they have to do the compulsion of flicking the light switch to relieve that anxiety. There’s also a subtype of ocd called Pure O (or Pure Obsessional), who do has a misleading name because you still get compulsions, they’re just more internal. For example, you might worry “what if I have cancer” and then you think about it a lot, research the symptoms online, ask people if they’ve noticed anything, etc.

The only thing I can suggest is perhaps doing more research? I mean for me personally researching is part of my problem - I crave certainty and so I research different mental health disorders for hours a day in hopes it’ll give me an answer (which it doesn’t besides maybe some temporary relief). Try looking up different types of ocd, see examples of different obsessions and compulsions, maybe check tags on Tumblr or even reach out to ocd specific accounts if they have asks or smth open. I’ve learned a lot from just sending people messages asking about it and hearing other people’s experiences with it. Maybe you could even write down things that you think could be symptoms, then maybe bring them up with your therapist? Say that it’s been worrying you and you’d like to talk through it? I don’t have a therapist so idk how it works, sorry

I’m sorry if this answer isn’t helpful. Again, I’m not a professional or even diagnosed with ocd, so most of my knowledge is based on researching the symptoms I personally seem to have. You’re welcome to dm me if you like, but I think there are probably people who would be way more helpful to talk to. ^^;;

Perhaps if anyone who has ocd sees this they can offer some input? Maybe comment, reblog or leave an ask? (Again, I’m rly sorry for not being able to provide a better answer.)

[v-hope]

Hi, so I hope this isn't weird or inconvenient but I start my law classes on Monday and I was wondering if you had any advice or tips to get through this semester..? My professor told me I'll have to expect about 12 hours of homework after each class, and I'm ✨stressed✨ already But of course you don't have to answer this I just don't know anyone else to ask for advice on this 😅

hey, it’s okay! i’m adding a read more to this bc it turned out to be wayyyy longer than i expected and i apologize for it oof.

tbh if you don’t have a studying habit from high school already it might be hard to adapt to the amount of stuff you’ll have to read/study once you enter law school (it happened to me, i used to study only the night and morning before a test in hs to get good grades and now in uni i need at least three full days before a test 🤡), so i’d just say to take your time at first and try to find your own pace and what works best for you when it comes to studying, because not everyone needs the same time or learning methods when it comes to it.

as in for the amount of homework hours and stuff i’d say don’t stress too much? like idk how things work in your country/uni, but at least in mine we rarely ever get any homework, and when we do get homework it’s just a few cases we need to solve so we can understand better what we see in class and then discuss it with the teacher and correct our mistakes. what we do get a lot, however, are textbooks. not entire textbooks at once but like, from page 1 to 50 for one day, then from 50 to 80 for another one (sometimes they´re like 10 pages so don´t worry thinking it’ll be a lot all the time), and so on. sometimes you’ll have to read two or three different bits from different textbooks for one class and i know it seems like a lot at first but as time goes on trust me, you’ll get used to it. like i remember in second year my friends and i started laughing once bc we went to print our stuff for an upcoming class and it was only 30 pages and we sighed in relief and went “this is a short one, we can read it during recess” and it was like???? since when??? is that short?? but yeah ksñajs.

so, back to the “don’t stress too much” part, my point with only having to read stuff most of the time, is that (depending on the teacher) you can read them at your own pace whenever you want. there will be a few classes you’ll need to read beforehand bc your teacher will ask about it or straight up explain other things assuming you already read the texts, so you won’t get it unless you did. on the other hand, there’s teachers that explain the exact same thing the textbooks talk about and for those it won’t be as necessary to read everything before a class. what i do, are three things:

ask around about the teachers to students who already took classes with them. if you guys have a fb group for the whole career or something it will be easy, just make a post asking about them and you’ll get your answers 🤧 i always ask about what their exams are like and if they focus more on the classes or textbooks. if they focus more on the classes then congratulations, you can skip the textbooks (unless you’re really interested in the class and want to learn more ofc) and dedicate that saved time to another class you’ll need to read everything for sure.

i read every text once and make a compendium (or take notes? idk how to call it lol) about the most important things. so, i’ll have a general view of the whole text and then i can just read the compendium and study from that for the exams (because you don’t want to study 200+ pages for each one, trust me).

i record the classes. now careful with this one bc there’s teachers who don’t allow this, but at least all mine do. and now that we’re having online classes they’re obliged to record them and send them to us so it’s a win for me 🤧 SO, this is honestly just me overexterting myself, and not everyone does this nor is important to study/pass a class, but one of my besties used to record every class back in the first three years lol and he’d send them to me and it’s honestly sosososo helpful bc there’s things you miss during class either bc the teacher speaks too fast or bc you’re straight up not paying attention lol, so being able to go back on that and take quite good notes is great when you have to go back to them to study! and also idk about you, but listening to the things i have to learn instead of just reading helps me a lot to understand them better.

now, i’m telling you this bc it happened to me and i don’t want it to happen to you, please please PLEASE, no matter how much you have to study, please listen to your mind and body. if you’re studying late at night and want to go to sleep, go to sleep. if you’re reading something over and over and can feel yourself growing frustrated and about to cry, close your books and go do something else. take a nap, call it a night, go spend some time with your family, eat a snack, drink some water, watch tv, exercise, anything, but please do not overwork yourself bc it will only do you wrong. also find a hobby (mine’s writing lol) and take a break each day to do just what you like, don’t let the career consume you because it’s so easy for it to do it. one of my teachers used to say this all the time, that even if you feel guilty bc you’re “losing studying hours” to do something you like or take a break, you’re not losing hours but recharging yourself instead, and after doing just that you’ll be able to be even more productive once you go back to studying. and honestly he was right and i thank him for giving me that mindset.

i think that’s it? if i remember something else later i’ll add it, but i hope this is helpful. so don’t stress too much and just go to class the first week and try to find what works best for you. although there’s a lot to study for, this career is really interesting and fun! you’ll find yourself seeing every little thing in life from another perspective once you enter it, and understanding things said certain way is great tbh, i really like it ksñaks. i hope everything goes great for you, bubs! you can do it 💕

[ogeeitsme]

Heya! If you don't mind me asking, I have a question for you (I hope it doesn't sound too rude o personal, or anything similar)! Exactly, how do you "interact" with each other? Like, as far as I understand, you pretty much share the same memory (not in terms of "past", in this case), and sometimes it almost sounds like you all...Talk to each other? Like, full conversation and interaction, pretty much like you would do with someone with their own body, and I'm really confused as to how it works!

EDIT: hello ther r typos here, sm typos b it’s 5 AM n I can’t read KSJSJ

Hello!! This is not rude @ all SKJDKJ I jst gtta get in the right Typing Mood 2 answ this coherently lmao bc I can’t think of analogies rite

Yea we talk!! It’s like,, we talk w the Mind

(when ur in front:)

Sometimes, it’s visual + auditory (not a hallucin8ion, it’s like listening 2 ur thoughts or talking 2 urself internally, u don’t hear it outside) so like let’s say Chara is talking 2 me while I know what facial exprssion they’re doing or hand gestures

Sometimes there’s a design8d area where we talk (fronting rooms!! Bc it’s like a visualiz8ion of being the closest 2 the front??), but when ur (we’re) fronting, u can see MORE in2 the headspace (depends on ur sys n ur ability, som sys can’t do this b it seems common)

Sometimes it’s just visual, som times it’s jst auditory,, like 4 example I’m reading a tumblr post n suddenly some1 reacts b is actlly far away b it’s like they got a direct signal 2 the front, so it’s like they’re “passing by 2 say smth” if u will (very common if the thing is a front trigger (like a positive one ex. Their fave artist or song or meme))

Sometimes we communic8 w only feelings! Sometimes not every1’s gnna have perfect connection 2 the front so u just VIBE

Sometimes it’s also like, u can telepthaically talk 2 each other,, we live in the same brain, so sometimes they dnt have 2 say the full sentence in real time, they sya it- boom u know exactly what they’re saying the moment they say it- ok that’s hard 2 explain b other systems r afraid that’s not valid but it rlly is!! It’s common 2 “”know what they’re saying b4 they said it”” ur in the same brain, what is NOT possible??

Also, even if ur in control of the body, u can. Isualize urself inspace @ the same time! It’s like medita8tion, n I think medit8ing n being in ur own headspace whethe fits active or not?? Is similar 4 singlets (but 4 y’all I can imagine it’s 2 a mild degree ((n by thta I mean u need 2 actively medit8 2 b in ur own headspace)))

Anyway my point is- we can also interact ”physically” while fronting!! Inspace, we can kind of like b,, “outside N inside” @ the same time in a way,, so like if Chara pushes me inspace n I’m fronting, well yea that jst happened DKJDKJ it’s all connected bros, I can hug som1 inspace while I’m fronting

YEA we might be zoning out while walking b I’m gnna hug som1

inspace, like, when we’re not fronting, we can talk 2 each other!! They do say the headspace is where u go when ur not fronting

N it’s tru 4 a lot of sys if not most!! I’d like 2 take this spot 2 valid8 sys’s who r worried abt “idle-ing”

Bc that’s common also

Anyway, we hang out ther! Mostly we kiiind of idle, b we do stuff!! Sometimes overnight, talking abt inspace life is WEIRD b we can summarize what we did if asked @ the end of the day etc,,, I’m not gnna get in2 it very META wise bc it’s wild 2 think abt, but we can talk 2 each other inspace! It’s a diff world, n sometimes it’s nice, bc it’s the only world we have our own bodies— THATS y it’s so imprtnt 2 us that our headspace is here, it’s not healthy 2 stay in it 4 ever, but it’s a RLLY good place 2 take a break in, esp if u dnt identify w the body,, it’s y we kno our height diffrnces 2 :^)

another thing is that on discord we use BOTS!!!!!!!!!! We used tupperbox b4, but then we moved on 2 pluralkit! These r bots that proxy ur messages! It lets u make custom discord profiles as if u made a new account, so ur sys members can type w their own avatar n username!! We uslly like joining servers w those bots!!! Unless we have 2 go in2 it’s Jusg Jamie Mode

We have a priv8 server where we like 2 keep stuff, b in general, typing 2 each other is just rlly good, it’s RLLY GOOD

YEA when ur in a sys, u can talk in ur head or inspace, yea if ur a sys who has blackouts typing 2 each other n leaving notes is good!! B here’s a shout out 2 us LSJSK n other systems. Bc sometimes?? Just typing 2 each other is just waaaaaay easier

Writing takes time, so typing is good! It’s faster bc sometimes EVERY1 wants 2 talk @ the same time, or mayb every1’s talking 2 each other! So bc of bots, the brain can kind of take a break In Processing all those MP3’s of their voices n every1 can cofront n type on a keyboard of phone! It’s rlly cool bc u ALSO get 2 c each other’s Avatars,, I think using discord bots (PK) is the most cathartic 4 a system rlly,,

Also I wld suggest using pluralkit instead of TB, as Pluralkit is more upd8 n has AAA!!! Autoproxy!! (pk;autoproxy front) (or pk;autoproxy latch <member name>)

Also that’s it KSJKDJSK I can’t believe I was able 2, answ this KDJDJK SRRY ITS RLLY LONG I GOT SO FCSED 👀

Yea like, yea :,^) we jst, talk i g SKJSK we do have our own bodies in our brain so I g that’s why helps DJDKJ

[firebirdsdaughter]

Don't worry, I'm glad you answered me, although personally I don't think Jin and Horobi's relationship is a lie, if they did, it would be like spitting on viewers' faces, because I don't know if I'm wrong, but what increased Jin and Horobi's popularity was their relationship, maybe this will have some effect on Horobi in the future so that he can voluntarily free himself from Ark, maybe there is mind control or something like what Ark did to Horobi.

Oh, I’m hoping it’s not, exactly bc of that, but I’m also just in a very down mood right now bc of… A lot of things. And I really don’t trust the writers.

Also, even if they do try to act like their relationship is still the same… The events of this ep cast some very weird implications, namely that it very much still comes across as Jin throwing Horobi under the bus, and very nonchalantly, too. And I really don’t see how that could lead to Horobi breaking free of the Ark any easier. In fact, if anything, seems the Ark literally body jacking him would make that harder. Like, I refuse to consider Horobi responsible for the fact that he was hacked by a powerful, homicidal satellite made to control HumaGear and has no concept of free will. I don’t think we’ve seen a single HumaGear reach that kind of breakthrough on their own, even when they didn’t have all that working against him. He shouldn’t have to, nor is it reasonable to expect him to, do this on his own. Sorry, but saying ‘Horobi needs to break free on his own’ really upsets me. He is being kept in a place where he is incapable of doing that. He needs someone to reach out and help him and talk him through it. I was hoping that was part of Jin’s goal, but this implies that he’s not particularly bothered w/ that, and bc of how much I love Horobi and what he has come to mean to me, that really upsets me.

One of the less unpleasant ways I can see it going is that Jin is just… Very not good at subterfuge, and is trying to rise the Ark to destroy it and just, did not think his words through on all levels? Like, I’m cool w/ Horobi not being Jin’s ‘central’ singularity point, esp for Jin, singularity seems to be triggered by a bunch of things together, Horobi can still be important to him and still be a part of who he is w/out necessarily being the ‘central’ thing. I can see Jin trying to outwit the Ark by not telling the whole truth or something. But the choice to have him say Horobi, esp when he must know the Ark is already suspicious and testy w/ him… Is just… A terrible decision. I think I said it before, but it’s like painting a target on Horobi’s back for a homicidal satellite, and doesn’t feel like something Jin would do if he genuinely cared about Horobi. Like… It’s esp jarring after the way he rushed to get Horobi away when Aruto faltered in ep 35, and who had that fond smile when Horobi was working through his thoughts. I think I made a whole post about how I think they should have used another ‘trick’ if that were the case. Bc this either makes it look like Jin doesn’t much care about Horobi, or that he’s just really, really, really terrible at judging personalities and foreseeing consequences. Like… It just feels really ridiculous. There was many a way he could have answered that wouldn’t paint a target on Horobi’s back, to which the Ark could still have reacted this way, and it wouldn’t feel like Jin pointed her right at Horobi.

I’m honestly hoping that he gets a ‘what have I done?’ realisation in the next episode, and I really hope that having the Ark take possession of Horobi was not the intention (even though if it wasn’t, then someone needs to have a long talk w/ Jin about consequences and being a horrible judge of the dangers of homicidal satellites).

But one thing I have realised, after all that ranting, is that we would never have seen this had COVID not happened and they had to stop production and the slowly fill in. So it’s entirely possible that this was a poor call on the part of the writers throwing this ep together in a bit of a hurry. I mean, presumably they had planned for what happens next ep to happen anyway, even w/out this, and the game plan was merely ‘the Ark steals everyone else’s data and then possesses Horobi and Jin is upset’ (he’d better be upset); maybe that was going to be th intention of that still I posted before. Like, him plotting against the Ark is cool, even working w/ someone, and I can see the Ark going after Horobi to get at Jin even w/out that. So hopefully things and their relationship will steady out next ep (well… As in, Jin will actually be upset that the Ark has body jacked Horobi and will want to save him). Like… They write eps long in advance… Presumably 36 was written well before 35 aired. I don’t know the exact time table, but they have to write them long enough before for the actors to learn their lines and for them to film, and they’re usually filming about five or so eps ahead… So I’m wondering if some of the implications I’m looking at were ever meant to come up, and whether this really going to be a big ‘thing’ down the line… I dunno.

And I went off again. ^^; But basically, I hope they’re not doing that, bc it would be stomping on the fans, but I also really draw the line at implying Horobi needs to just ‘break free’ on his own. It’s not like he’ll just be able to think about it one day and be like ‘today I have decided to not be hacked anymore.’ There’s nothing ‘voluntary’ about anything in Horobi’s life except the one time he protected Jin completely on his own. He’s literally under mind control, and soon he’s going to be essentially possessed. That’s not something you can just ‘voluntarily break free of.’ We have not seen anyone break free of the Ark w/out help… Actually, we haven’t seen anyone break free of the ark w/out dying somehow. Naki was disconnected after being shutdown somehow during Daybreak, Horobi and Jin were both disconnected after dying once. Some would likely have gone for Raiden had he not be revived by the Ark herself. It’s just not that easy, and it’s not his fault that it’s not.

[bartsugsy]

i'm not trying to be fun sponge but its just weird for me when people try to attribute words and feelings to a character when that's not the case. from reading some posts you'd think that was a scene where aaron was worried about robert but it wasn't. it was a scene where he was justifiably annoyed about robert basically ruining people's livelihoods and scheming when they'd just had an argument two days ago where he'd asked robert to stop said scheming

fair play anon, this legit made me go back and rewatch the scene lmao

OK U KNOW WHAT,

ETA OK I STARTED OFF THIS POST DISAGREEING WITH YOU AND THEN I KEPT WRITING WITH IT AND FRANKLY U HAVE CONVINCED ME, SO I AGREE WITH YOU, TY ANON, UR THE REAL ONE

LET’S KEEP THE REST OF THE POST IN HERE ANYWAY BC OOH META 

LET’S DO THIS, I’LL GIVE U MY EXTENDED THOUGHTS ON THE SCENE and if we still don’t agree by the end, that’s cool, but i rewatched and i still feel the same way about it (and i kind of love the scene even more honestly, it was great, there’s lots to it that one can meta and those are my favourite kinds of scenes) ETA I DO NOT FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT IT, I WAS WRONG

so we start the (robron part of the) scene out by aaron just

the second robert walks into the house, dramatically throwing away surrogacy forms lmao

robert obviously immediately spots him and is like why are you throwing all of the surrogacy stuff away? and he sounds sad and concerned

aaron, having thrown that shit in the bin, responds with a still dramatic because what’s the point? we could never afford it and now we never will be able to

rob admits that he messed up, but says it isn’t over and that he can still make it happen. he says he can find another way

aaron is meanwhile legit rolling his eyes and generally looking tired. he answers with another scam?

and rob is obviously like yes if that’s what it takes, yeah. 

AND THEN

DUMBASS MISTAKE, BUT EXPLAINS SO MUCH

ROBERT IS LIKE i could see how much you wanted it, so i was willing to take a few risks. aaron, i did this for you, you have to see that

AND UH

AARON =/= NOT HAPPY

he says don’t try to blame me for this mess. i warned you it wouldn’t end well.

WHICH OK

LO INTERJECTION

AARON, AS WE REMEMBER, LOOKED A BIT LIKE HE WAS MID-BREAKDOWN WHEN HE WAS CAMPAIGNING FOR SURROGACY

BUT ROBERT LEGIT DID NOT AGREE UNTIL HE’D SPENT TIME WITH NICOLA AND JIMMY’S KIDS AND WAS LIKE hmmm ok i need 50

and so maybe robert did do it for aaron, but it wasn’t just for aaron. it was for their family and for both of them, just in a very robert-like way (i.e. the quickest but also by far riskiest way)

but also robert is trying to??? sweet talk aaron round maybe??? in a stupid ass way though, lol 

or he’s just being a dumbass, one or the other

and aaron is immediately mad at this because HE DID IN FACT TELL ROBERT NOT TO DO THE ILLEGAL THING UNTIL ROBERT SWEET TALKED HIM ROUND AND GAVE HIM VETO POWER

AND THEN AARON IS ALL LIKE

AND JIMMY’S A MATE. YOU AND NICOLA PROBABLY RUINED HIM

AND AGAIN, EXCUSE THE META, BUT PLS POINT ME TO ANY MOMENT WHERE AARON HAS EVER CARED ABOUT JIMMY MORE THAN ROBERT BEFORE. he’s just mad and spewing shit at robert, literally. he’s just accusing robert of being a terrible person and a bad friend bc that’s all aaron has got here and he’s MAD

rob is like i never meant for that to happen and aaron is like *pew pew parting shot* yes well u never do, do you robert. so long as you win that’s all that matters *pew pew anOTHER PARTING SHOT* and yeah u know what i did want a kid. i did. but not like this. it’s too big a price to pay. and no, i’m not talking about the money. *fucki MIC DROP bye*

and then rob looks guilty as hell and the scene ends.

SO ANYWAY MORE META HELLO

AARON IS LEGIT JUST SAYING SHIT AT ROBERT. HE’S JUST FIRING OFF SHIT AND SEEING WHAT WILL STICK. LIKE, AARON HAS NEVER CARED ABOUT JIMMY’S FEELINGS BEFORE, SO IT’S SENSIBLE TO INFER THAT IT’S PROBABLY NOT ABOUT THAT

BUT THEN WE GET TO THE END OF THE SCENE AND AARON SAYS THAT HE DOESN’T WANT A KID “LIKE THIS” BECAUSE “IT’S TOO BIG A PRICE TO PAY”

AND HONESTLY LIKE

LOL OK I JUST CHANGED MY MIND ENTIRELY AND I FEEL LIKE I’VE HAD A REVELATION BUT THE REVELATION IS IN FACT JUST AGREEING WITH YOUR ASK slfkkldo classic lo, what a donut

OK MIGHT AS WELL FINISH THIS

OK SO THE QUESTION BECOMES WHAT IS THE ‘IT’ THAT IS TOO BIG A PRICE TO PAY

not to be dramatiq, but honestly from what aaron’s saying, the ‘it’ is robert’s fuckin soul lmao. it’s robert not ruining people’s lives, as u say, and not being terrible. aaron doesn’t want this experience of them having a child together to also be tainted by robert... uh.... not being.... great.... (touchy subject, moving on, might explain why he’s particularly mad/suddenly v reluctant to procreate with his husband though) (what if they spoke about it) (would anyone else be highkey down for that, or just me?)

ANYWAY, aaron’s mad because robert fucked up people’s lives and got caught. he was, it should be noted, a lot less bothered about fucking up graham’s life, even in this scene. i think there’s still just... some anger at robert getting caught and being in a shitty situation in general. he specifically says it’s not about the money. he’s not actually mad about the money. it’s about robert getting them into this situation, about people they (and robert specifically) supposedly care about getting caught in the crossfire, particularly after robert fucked over vic to get to billy literally just a few days back (as u said) 

and aaron at the moment, bc he’s dramatic and kind of insane, but also probably bc he knows his husband, can’t see a way out of this that doesn’t involve robert potentially sinking further down that rabbit hole of ‘bad’, which aaron absolutely doesn’t want - he’s ok with robert doing shitty stuff up until a point (providing he’s careful) and we know this, but he actively doesn’t want robert.... i guess, throwing people he supposedly cares about under the bus for his own gains again? because that’s understandably like a step back for rob, in the soul and morality department

even though frankly, we all know robert would throw every single person under the bus for aaron at any given opportunity and that will never change

it’s probs for the best that aaron is someone who is going to call rob out on that shit and try to stop him from fucking up his life, though. aaron cares about robert’s terrible little soul. 

SO ANYWAY, AARON IS CONCERNED AND LASHING OUT AT ROBERT BC OF IT AND THIS SCENE GOT MORE PERFECT WITH MORE REWATCHES AND EXTRA META AND NOW I LOVE IT AND IM SORRY THIS POST IS LONG AND EXTRA AND ALSO IM SORRY FOR CONTRADICTING YOU EARLIER, WHEN I’M NOW P SURE YOU’RE CORRECT this has been a real journey for me