#(by which i mean my dignity as a writer)

[0scxmlqrd]

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 lovestruck

; in which [name] [surname], a woman with existential crisis, finds the meaning and purpose of her life—for her, player 120.

pairing: player 120 | cho hyun ju x f! reader

warning: slight angst, out of character (?), etc.

author's note: so thirsty for a player 120 | cho hyun ju x reader fanfiction I overcame my writer's block that's been goin' on for years now, lol.

YOU have no purpose in life—you believed. Well, at least that's what you'd made yourself think ever since you could remember.

You frequently would ask yourself why were you even here and what's the use of existing in this world full of nothing else but suffering.

You've tried to search it on the internet once, asked people in different online forums. Other than a hotline or basically the searching app telling you to call a therapist, you received some decent answers, but still, you couldn't get yourself to believe any of the answer they provided.

All you know is that one thing they have in common is that they are—

Subjective.

It depends.

In all honesty, you don't even know why you keep on living. Yet you've never tried ending it. You hate the feeling of pain, you hope that if you're ever going to die, it must be a quick and painless one.

The time you've spent questioning your existence turns much more worse than you had expected as in the process of finding your purpose, you lost your sense of self.

You don't know who you are anymore.

No wonder you ended up as a failure. Too lazy to finish college, jobless sprinkled with no motivation in life, no money but debt that kept piling up as each days pass by—the debt collectors are likely going to collect and sell your organs to the black market as soon as they find you.

But that's not what you fear.

Luckily, you don't have anyone that would be disappointed in you since you're all alone. An orphan, you are.

That's probably why you ended up being slapped by a random stranger on the train station over losing to a game only children would play. And what do you get in exchange? Money, of course. You have dignity of course, but when it comes to money, well... gone.

There's nothing much more important in this world than money. People who loved to claim "love" is only spouting nonsense.

Love wouldn't fill your empty stomach.

You were getting pissed playing the game you kept on losing. Your cheeks were already numb from how cruel each slap the man had been sending you.

Was it worth it? Should you quit?

Maybe just one last game and you'll get that money. Then you'd get yourself something good tonight in compensation to the sore and swollen face you'd have to endure tomorrow.

"Congratulations, you won!"

The man's clap echoed in the station. You nodded, although happy that you won, you couldn't smile as a small cut that you wondered how could it be so painful.

He handed you the money—you didn't thank him, his slap absolutely hurts, no way you're thanking him.

The man then asked you whether you want to play a game. You almost cursed him out loud after he recited your personal information out loud correctly, creep.

But after that, he handed you a card.

And you took it.

You need money to survive for tomorrow.

That's how you ended up in here.

A large, open space with large walls acting as barriers from the outside world. In front of everyone was a gigantic doll, towering everyone even from afar.

You wondered what game it was.

A sound coming from a speaker in an unknown location echoed all over the place, explaining the mechanics of the games—how to win and how you will get eliminated.

You wondered how they were going to sort out everyone who loses when there's literally hundreds of people currently.

Your eyes wandered from around the place onto each of the players your eyes could find, trying to familiarize with everyone—who knows, they might turn out to be your enemy in the future games.

Boring.

You thought to yourself as you scanned their faces. That was until your eyes came to an abrupt stop from a certain player not close behind you. You've heard of people like her, but you've never seen one in person. They must've gone through a lot for having the courage to be what they are in this country.

She seemed to felt your gaze on her and you two made eye contact. She smiled slightly at you slightly nodding her head.

Awkward, you felt. Flustered at the attention you were receiving from him. Then, another thought came through you, 'She's quite the looker,' to which you immediately shrugged off, shifting your eyes away from her to your front once again.

'Focus,' you scolded yourself. Changing your complete attention on your current and only goal—to win this game and spend every single money to yourself until you get sick tired of it.

Your thoughts were then cut short when a crazy uncle suddenly started shouting. He was basically saying that this game kills the people who lose and how everyone must listen to the rules so they could live.

Green Light!

He shouted for everyone to go and you ran as fast as you can.

Red Light!

He shouted to stop and everyone, including you, stopped. This continued smoothly until you heard a woman's scream.

Then, a loud bang echoed.

Then, a thud.

And then everyone around that woman turned chaotic. Everyone was panicking, screaming and running around. But slowly, each scream—both men and women— slowly counted down while loud bang you believed to be coming from guns shot them down each.

Good thing you followed what the crazy uncle said although it was unbelievable at first.

You thought you'd be fine as long as you follow his order. Much to your dismay, there were some factors you forgot to think of.

Green Light.

Some of the people on your side were also panicking, they started running faster. Their adrenaline finally getting through them so much that some people behind you got ahead of you.

You bit your lower lip, getting ready to sprint, collecting every single ounce of your energy. But suddenly, a woman behind you crashed onto you, causing you to trip and fall down.

'B*tch, you better not make me see you or—'

People started trampling over you. Some tripping on the process. It's painful, incredibly. Your losing more time, you knew. You cursed yourself silently for losing on the first game. Hell, you knew your dead once the timer runs out.

Nothing else could be done but curl yourself, protecting your vulnerable sides. But still, it was still painful.

You thought the pain would never end, the gigantic robotic doll still hadn't said red light and you're losing hope on whether you'd survive these people, and even if you did, you're probably going to arrive late.

To your surprise, you stopped feeling pain—but no signs of people stopping on their run. You frowned, confused as to how this happened. Maybe one of them hit your head, making your sense of pain go off.

But no, you felt someone on your back, their body covering yours.

Who?

A shadow, larger than yours was right above yours. Curious to the identity of the person, you looked up.

Your eyes widen in surprise.

The person stood up, looking right ahead and back down onto you, "Are you alright?"

It was the same pretty woman you met eye contact before, "Can you walk? We need to hurry up before the timer runs out"

You ignored the soreness around your body, "I can walk just fine, but I'm probably slower than before. You can go ahead—"

"No, let's go together. Here," she offered her hand, "C'mon, we don't have much time left!"

Time seems to slow down, your eyes glued at the figure above you, "O-Okay!"

You grabbed her hand, stood up and ran as fast as you can.

Despite the chaotic surroundings, you paid no mind to them. Your eyes were completely glued to the short-haired woman in front of you. Huh? The pretty stranger claimed that the time was running out, it seems different for you right now.

But, the time was not flowing quickly? It's not just slowing down—it stopped.

What? Did you just say you found out your life's purpose, are you serious?!

© 0SCXMLQRD

[unicornofgt]

alright, i am the writer of gtms, this story and these characters, bagley and obermann, belong to me. i am the only one who has a seat at my table, who gets a say on what happens to my work. today, some of you will be learning this the hard way.

i am not rehashing the entire series of events that led us here. all you need to know is this is my work that is being desecrated and yeah, i am going to be a little fucking mean about it, because i have taken shit like this for far too long. it’s clear some of you are begging for attention, but be careful what you wish for. fuck around and find out—you poke the bear, you get mauled.

@norathewatcher hi you spineless bitch. you are bringing nothing back. i don’t give a fuck if you’re goddamn michelangelo. you are not “reviving a fandom” you are fucking stealing. there is no fandom, there never was a fandom, this is not a big media like star wars or disney, it was a small passion project by an independent writer posted for funsies. it was treated like big media by a handful of individuals and that is WHY the project stopped, though i have a feeling you know this shit already, don’t you?

but death of the author! you cry in excuse. do i sound fucking dead to you. death of the author is for long dead, problematic authors so we are able to discuss the cultural relevance of their work, not to enable you stealing shit off of tumblr dot com. this is not you “simply filling the vacuum” this is you feeling fucking entitled to the existence of my work and my characters and ultimately, me, for your consumption. you are not owed gtms. it is not a given that this shit needs to exist for you. it is not “content” you “deserve.” like any work shared, it was a privilege to be able to enjoy what i posted of my labor of love, but this is how privileges work: they can be taken away when abused. you are not an artist, you are a spoiled fucking brat with zero dignity or integrity, loyal to nothing but your own greed. fuck off.

i made it explicitly clear in my final post leaving this community that the cause was not a single person or situation but because the community itself is fucking. rancid. the mindset that led to this shitshow is an enormous reason why i left, in addition to the bigotry running rampant—all of which is still alive and well here, though you might think you don’t see it. what you are doing now is having the complete opposite effect of your stated goals. the only thing you have accomplished is digging your own grave, and like a vengeful spirit, i am back to put you in the ground. i am telling you to shut the fuck up, and then i am going back to my happy little life without this fucking circus.

as for the rest of you. i’m sure some of you had no idea what the original situation was, but to those of you who know better and support this garbage anyway, shame on your fucking soul. are you all so fucking hungry for your slop you’ll take it from fucking anybody? eat shit.

get the fuck off my lawn.

[rkvriki]

GOT ME THINKING NONSENSE sim jaeyun ౨ৎ

synopsis! you get paired up with jake, your sweet classmate who’s always willing to help you, but while you’re both working, he seems to be the one needing help. wc! 5.1k cw! porn with barely no plot unprotected sex (wrap it up yall!!), SUB!JAKE, dom!reader obvi, oral (m! receiving), jake is whiny and reader is just a tad bit mean, unexpirienced but not virgin jake, had huge writers block in the beggining pls spare me 😣

BREAK THE SKIN MASTERLIST

previous >< next

You could still feel the high heat in your body when you were walking away from your and Heeseng’s place. You probably didn’t look the most presentable, cheeks flush, hair a little bit tousled and your clothes were most likely all wrinkled from being messily thrown out. The walk from your apartment to Jake’s wasn’t longer than 10 minutes since he lived quite close. You checked your phone and it had been 6 minutes past the time you had planned with Jake so you tried to walk a little faster, ignoring the uncomfortable feeling between your legs, the aftermath of your and Heeseung’s sins.

You had met Jake during one of the classes you had together when one day you were late and the sit next to him was the only one available. He was the usual classmate who didn’t talk much but still had a good group friend, in which Heeseung was included. You two didn’t talk much unless when you ask him to help you with something and to you it almost looked as if he avoided talking to you. You often noticed how his cheeks warmed up when you talked to him or how his eyes flickered from yours to the environment around him, which you found cute and made you bite back a smirk each time you interacted. You would be lying if you said you didn’t find Jake attractive. His face looked like it could’ve been sculpted by the Gods above, and when he wore his glasses you swore you could drop all the dignity you had left for him.

It wasn’t too long after that you reached Jake’s apartment building. You took your phone out, texting him that you had reached his house. You didn’t have to wait long to see how good Jake looked today. Sporting basic jeans with a striped polo sweater and his usual black specs, he looked better than ever. Before your mind could wander any further, you walked towards the entrance, greeting him with a smile and following him upstairs and inside his apartment. When you first walked in, you noticed right away how neat his place looked, just like him.

“Nice place you got.” You said with a smile, making him look back at you with a surprised expression. “Oh? Thanks, though! I’m not very good at decorating but I tried my best here.” Jake answered with a shy chuckle. “Yeah, I could tell you did.”

He leads you further into the hallway, entering the door to his room. His room was a reflection of himself. Anyone could tell this was his room just from the way it’s organized and coordinated. The books on the shelves were all neatly placed and organised in alphabetic order. His desk was free of clutter and had only the necessary things placed above it, that, if you considered a picture of what you assumed was his dog necessary. Your eyes found Jake’s and you could see him tense up when you did so. 

“Shall we get to work then?” You asked with a smile. “Yeah, yes, of course.” He said quickly moving to sit by his desk. You put your things down and sat next to him, your thighs almost touching since the desk was clearly made for only one person to sit there. You pulled out your laptop and opened the document your teacher had sent you with all the instructions.

“I think we could divide the topics for each other and then discuss which information to keep..” Jake suggested, his eyes flickering between the various topics shown on the screen. “Yeah, I think that’s a good idea, Jakey.” The nickname slipped faster than you could catch, but you don’t regret it, especially after seeing how Jake’s ears slowly turned red. You bit your bottom lip to prevent the smirk threatening to form.

You had been working for a little past an hour and you could feel your eyes getting tired from looking at your computer screen for so long. From your peripheral vision, you could see Jake running a hand through his raven hair with a heavy sigh, making your eyes turn to look his way. With your head propped on your hand, you admired as he scrolled through endless reports, trying to find any good content he could for the presentation.

He hadn't noticed your staring, too focused on the screen ahead of him. Your eyes moved down his body. His sleeves had been pulled up a little, just below his elbows, showing off the veins that ran down to his hands. Oh, his hands. Something you always stared at. Anytime you would ask him for help in class you would always get distracted by the hands of the man beside you as he used them to point things out in your textbook. You would almost drool as you stared at his thick fingers, letting your mind wander further than it should.

Obviously, you didn’t keep these things for yourself. This had been a hot topic on your late-night calls with Yunjin, the one you would always run to when you needed feminine advice and didn’t want to hear the constant nagging Jay gave any time you talked about boys. The girl would always laugh at you, mentioning that you must have a thing for nerdy-looking guys or, in her words “pathetic men” (her theory got confirmed when you told her you fucked Heeseung). It wasn’t totally false. It is true that you liked weak men who wouldn’t hesitate to get on their knees for you. Blame you for being tired of guys with big egos who think they’re all that.

Another big sigh, almost groan, snapped you out of your thoughts. You looked at Jake and saw him leaning back in his chair with his eyes closed. “Everything alright?” You asked as you slid your chair closer to his. “Yeah, sorry. Just can’t find any good info for my topics.” He said as he nodded his head towards the screen in front of him. You let out a small sigh as your lips pout with pity, pulling your chair even closer to his. “Don’t be too harsh on yourself, Jakey.” You told him as your hand made its way to his thigh, feeling it tense at the touch. You leaned your body towards his way “You know you can always ask me for help.” our hand moves upwards “Anytime.” You finished with a smile, leaving that last word floating in the air with an uncertain meaning. Jake’s breath got stuck in his throat and he felt the weight of the last word that left your lips. The gears in his head twisted and turned as he tried not to show how the way you were smiling up at him affected him.

You sat back straight in your chair, acting as if you didn’t know what effect you left on him. “Let's ge back to work, yeah?”

It had been a few hours since you started working. During the whole time you could see Jake squirming in his seat, maybe from the tension in the air, so thick that it could be could with a knife. With a sigh, you closed your laptop with a thud, your hands falling to your lap as you turned to look at Jake who seemed to avoid looking you in the eye. 

“I guess this is all for today, Jakey.” You said smiling at him. “We can talk tomorrow in class and choose another day to meet again, maybe at my place next time, yeah?” You asked him as you started getting up from your seat, him doing the same. “Oh yeah, we can do that. I was about to finish this part as well so you’re all free to go.” You nodded at his words, your eyes subtly looking him up and down. His hands twitched in his sides. “I’ll walk you to the door.”

Reaching his door, he opened it to let you out. You looked back at him one last time with a slight smirk. His cheeks warmed up and he swayed in his place, suddenly feeling awkward in the loud silence. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.” You said, now fully smiling. “See you, y/n.” Jake said not moving from his spot. 

You walked away from his door, and as soon as you were out of sight, Jake moved to close the door, resting his back against it as he released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He brought his cold hands to his cheeks, trying to heat them down. He knew working with you wasn’t going to be an easy task.

This cycle of going back and forth between each other’s houses has been going on for a few weeks now and the project was almost done. The thick tension between you two every time you were together was undeniable and it had Jake feeling tense around you.

Ever since you pulled that thing the first time you went to his house, Jake could seem to fully focus when he was around you, always getting distracted by whatever you did. Even during classes, you seemed to purposely sit next to him, only to spend half of the time subtly touching the side of his leg and moving up to touch his tight. Jake was going crazy from your shenanigans and they were the only thing running through his mind when he laid in bed wide awake, head full of you and his hand running down from his tummy to where his body needed him the most.

It’s not like Jake never had sex or related activities, but he wasn’t the most experienced. He had only had sex with his ex and only serious girlfriend he had and it wasn’t anything too out of this world. He knew you’ve had your fair share of sexual encounters, he knew you had plenty of experience and he knew you were damn good at it because he has heard stories from the men you were with. If you asked him a long time ago, this wouldn’t bother Jake, but now, with all you’ve been doing to him, it makes him feel a bit insecure, because if your teasing escalates further he knows he could never compete with those men. But maybe that’s not what you think.

You were waiting for Jake since he was coming over to finish and wrap up the project. You had spent a good two hours in front of the mirror, trying to make yourself look more presentable for him, something you would never admit to anyone even if they paid you. It wasn’t too late but you could see the sun setting from the view in your window. You were about to check your phone when you heard the doorbell ring, meaning Jake had already arrived.

Walking towards the front door, you checked yourself one last time in the mirror before opening the door. “Hey, Jake! Come on in!” You said stepping aside so he could enter your house. “Hey, um, I brought some snacks, since it’s getting kinda late and I remembered you said you liked these so…” He trailed off, showing you two packs of your favourite snacks, making you surprised he even remembered that. “Oh my god, Jake! You definitely didn’t have to. Thank you, though!” You said smiling at him, his cheeks warming up as usual. “Anyways, let’s get started before it gets too late for you.”

The project was going smoothly since today you two were only doing the final touches and reviewing the whole thing. The dynamic between you and Jake today felt different. There were more lingering touches coming from him who you would accidentally touch his hand but he wouldn’t move away or flinch like he usually does. You were surprised that he acting this way, but you were definitely not complaining, you like this less conserved side of him.

You tried to focus on the text on your screen, but you couldn't help but let your eyes drift off to where Jake was sitting working on the powerpoint. It’s not like he didn’t look good any other day, but maybe it was the dim warm light in your room or maybe it was the moon shining from your window behind him, you weren’t exactly sure, but something about him today had him look so good and you couldn’t avoid the warm sensation in the bottom of your tummy that made your thighs press together.

Your inner turmoil was interrupted by Jake’s little sigh, making your eyes focus back on him. “I’m finished with this.” he said turning to look at you. “Do you need any help with that or…?” he trailed off. “Oh! Um no, I’m finished as well.” a thought came up to your head. “Can I check the powerpoint?” you asked leaning a little towards him. “Ah, yes, of course.” He answered, adjusting his glasses.

You pushed your chair closer to his, purposely making your thigh touch his. Jake felt his heart race when you got suddenly so close, the scent of your sweet yet intoxicating perfume invading his senses. His eyes drifted from your focused face down to your exposed neck, making him lick his dry lips as if to stop himself from letting his lips fall into its soft skin. He shook his head, trying to shake the thoughts of you out of his mind and maintain his composure.

“Well, this looks pretty good!” you said smiling at him, almost missing the way his eyes quickly fall from your eyes to your lips. “Oh, really? Thank y-” “You did such a good job, Jakey.” You interrupted him, as you let your hand fall on his thigh. His lips opened and closed as he tried to speak but no words came out. “You worked so hard on this.” your hand started moving up and down, making him tense up. “Think you deserve a reward, don’t you?” his eyes doubled in size as you spoke so softly, yet your words were filled with nothing but lust.

“Answer me, Jake.” you said, leaning closer to his face. “I- Yeah, please.” he answered, voice barely above a whisper. Your lips immediately connected to his, making him let out a low moan. His lips felt soft against yours, fitting almost like two pieces of a puzzle connecting. Your hand moved further upwards, now dangerously close to where his bulge was growing. His wands that were awkwardly laid by his side moved to lay on your hips, gripping them when he felt your tongue swiping against his bottom lips. He gave you access and you started exploring his mouth, tongues rubbing against each other, making both of you moan at each other’s tastes. 

Kissing Jake felt heavenly, almost better than anyone you’ve kissed. It felt good to finally be the one leading. You felt so powerful with him writhing against you, yearning for more than just your kisses. You pulled away so both of you could catch your breath. Jake looked up at you, lidded eyes with a glow on them and his lips red and swollen from you biting on them occasionally. “Fuck, Jake. You look heavenly.” He only answered by chasing your lips, already missing the feeling of your lips on his. You pecked his lips before pulling away again, making him let out a whine. Your pussy throbbed at the sound, never had heard a man make such a beautiful sound, almost like a melody to you. 

“Let’s move to the bed, yeah?” you asked breathlessly, making him nod eagerly. Both of you stumbled as you got off from your chairs, almost bumping into each other. Jake was the first one to lay in your bed, head hitting your soft pillows. You followed him, crawling in his way, until your legs were straddling his lap, sitting on it. You leaned down, taking his lips on your again. The kiss was messy and heated, both of you probably getting coated in spit but neither could care any less about the mess. His bulge felt delicious as it grew harder and harder below you, rubbing against your clothed core.

You grinded experimentally against his clothed member to which he let out a groan, feeling the heavenly friction of you against him. You kept slowly and teasingly grinding against him as your hands ran down from his face to his chest stopping by his nipples that felt hard against your fingertips. You pressed on them, his hips bucking up as he let out a yelp, not expecting the sudden stimulation. You smirked against him, pulling away from the kiss, a string of spit connecting you both. Your hands left his nipples to pull at the bottom of his shirt, indulging him to take it off. You stared at his toned torso, not expecting to see the lines on his abs, something you would deal with later.

Your mouth made its way to his neck, starting by kissing all over until you found his sweet spot. Your hands started moving back up again to his nipples, rubbing them, making him whine again as he grinded harder against you. “Never had your nipples played like this, Jakey?” you asked, pulling away from his neck “Tell me, baby. Do you like it?” he had his eyes closed and his brows furrowed as he tried to think of what to say. “F-fuck yes” he stuttered “Feels so good!” he said with a whine, making you smirk at his already fucked out state. 

You lowered yourself, mouth moving to kiss from the dip in his chest, down to his abs, sucking on the area there, creating red marks all around. Your mouth kissed lower, following his happy trail until you reached the line of his pants. “Can I take this off, baby?” you asked him, pawing at the button. He nodded quicker than he would like to admit. “Need words, Jakey.” you demanded, wanting to hear him voice out his consent. “Yes, y/n, please, fuck”

With his green light, you started unbuttoning his pants and undoing the zipper. You tapped his hip, signalling him to raise them so you could take them off. He did as he was told and you pushed the jeans off, leaving him in just his boxers that already had a damp spot where the tip of his cock was. You stared at the bulge, already noticing that he was probably huge, making you feel a little nervous about fitting him in you. You squirmed in your spot, feeling an uncomfortable sticky feeling in your underwear, making you aware of how wet you were getting.

Jake whined, snapping you out of your thoughts, looking at you with eyes begging for you to touch him. You smiled at his helpless state “What d’you want, Jakey? Need you to speak or I won’t know.” He whined at your words, his brain feeling like a mush inside his head. “N-need you to touch it, please, just do something.” He answered, squirming in your bed as he felt more and more desperate. You didn’t say anything else as your hand moved to his bulge. Poor baby, was hard as a rock. It probably even hurt. You squeeze his length, pre cum escaping the tip and staining his boxers even more. “More, please! I need more,y/n!” he said with a whine. 

You took some pity on him and your hands automatically moved to remove his boxers from him, cock hitting his stomach with a bounce, Fuck, he really was huge, and thick. A long vein ran from the base to the tip and you wanted nothing more than to do that. You lowered your mouth on his cock, licking up from the base until you reached the tip, engulfing it with your lips. You licked a stripe on the slit, making him groan at the delicious but almost overstimulating feeling. Your mouth moved down, taking almost his whole length. One of your hands wrapped around what you couldn’t fit, while the other moved to play with his balls, his hips bucking inside you making you gag around him.

The vision Jake had of you ass up and face down on his cock was what he hoped heaven looked like. Your mouth felt warm and heavenly and he already felt brain fucked. He had never felt such pleasure in his life and he just knew this was gonna be the suck of his life. He dared to look down again and his eyes met yours. He could bust right there and then with just the look you gave him. Your eyes were dark, pupils blown out, making him feel so powerless underneath you. His eyes closed shut when he felt you hollowing your cheeks to suck him even harder.

You could tell he was close. His hips were twitching as well as his whole cock and you could feel him throb in your mouth. You removed his length out of your mouth and licked down to his balls, licking them as your hand moved to jerk him off at a quick pace. His breath was getting shorter as he felt his release come closer and closer. “Oh, f-fuck! Please, Please, y/n!” He didn’t even know what he was begging for, his whole body felt numb, except for the knot on his stomach getting tighter and tighter. 

Your lips moved to suck on his tip as your hand kept jerking him up and down. His cock started twitching hard in your grip “y/n I-I’m gonna cum-!” His warm cum spurt inside your mouth, making you moan at the feeling of him filling you up. He was moaning loudly as he rode out his orgasms, chest heaving up and down quickly as he tried to keep breathing. You gave him one last hard suck, making him shudder in overstimulation. 

You moved to eye level with him, hand moving up to brush his hair away from his face. “Such a good boy for me, yeah?” He nodded in your hold, face flushed and eyes teary from his orgasm. Your lips met his, tongues instantly meeting. He could taste himself on you, making him groan as the bitter taste touched his buds. You pulled away from the kiss, sitting on him fully clothed. Your hands pulled at the hem of your top, taking it off and leaving your torso naked as you weren’t wearing a bra. Jake’s mouth gaped as he stared at your bare chest, hands twitching at his side, wanting to touch them.

“You can touch them, Jakey.” you smiled sweetly at him, showing him you were comfortable with whatever he wanted to do. He let out a shaky breath as his hands hesitated to travel to your chest. He held your boobs in his hand, fitting them perfectly in his calloused hands. He didn’t really know what to do so you moved your hands to hold his, moving his thumbs to rub and twist your hardened nipples. You quietly moaned at the feeling of his rough fingers touching your sensitive buds. You removed your hands from his, letting him experience you by himself. He pinched on your nipples, making you yelp in surprise. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt-” “Do it again.” you told him “W-What? Are you sure?” he asked hesitantly. “Yes, I liked it, Jakey. Was just surprised.” You answered, smiling at him.

His hands returned to your nipples pinching and rubbing them, making you clench around nothing. As much as you enjoyed the feeling you were getting impatient and needed to have him inside you as soon as possible. You grabbed his hands, taking them off of you as you stood up on the ground to take your bottoms off. You slowly pulled them down along with your panties. His eyes carefully watched as you stripped for him and him only.

You straddled him again, your pussy sitting right on top of his cock, making both of you moan at the feeling. Jake grabbed your hips up and sat against the headboard. “Wanted to have a better look at your face when you fuck me.” he said looking up at you with his puppy eyes. You were out of words so you cradled his face in your hands as you kissed him again. Your hips start moving as if on their own, rubbing our cunt against his length, making the tip bump against your clit. He whined inside your mouth as you swallowed his sounds. 

You pulled away, hoisting your hips up as your hand grabbed his length and aligned the tip to your entrance. “W-wait!” he suddenly said making you stop in your movements. “Everything ok?” you asked worried that he might have been uncomfortable. “No, I just- You weren’t prepped and-” your lips clashing against his interrupted him, making him let out a protesting sound. “Don’t worry bout that, Jakey.” You simply said as you grabbed his length again positioning it on your gaping hole.

You slowly sink on him, your mouth opening in a silent moan while he whines in your ear, hands moving to circle your waist. You bottomed down and stayed still for a while to adjust to his big and thick size. The only thing heard was both of your heavy breaths. His hands were comfortingly rubbing up and down your back. When you felt ready you moved your head to look at him. “Ready?” you asked him and he nodded eagerly at you.

You started by slowly circling your hips around his length, both of you moaning at the euphoric feeling. He rested his head against your shoulder, panting in your ear. You circled your arms around his neck as you started to pick up your face. The room was filled with the sound of skin hitting skin and the squelch coming from your pussy. “F-fuck, y/n! Never felt s-so good.” Jake whispered as he felt his eyes roll back at the feeling of your raw cunt moving on his hard cock. “Yeah? You’re filling me up so good, Jakey. Even let you go in me raw.” You grabbed his head to make him look at you. His eyes were low and he had drool almost dripping out of the corners of his open mouth.

You moved around him at a now stable pace, moaning loudly when the tip of cock found the spongy spot inside you. “F-fuck, Jake!” he was stretching you out so good, taking you to cloud 9. You looked back at him, his head leaning back on the headboard, completely fucked out. “Look at you.” you said making him open his eyes, barely keeping them from closing again. “Fucked you dumb, didn’t I?” he nodded even though you weren’t really looking for an answer. “Poor baby, just wanted to be a good boy for someone, isn’t that right, Jakey?” he whined at your words, knowing they were fully true so he nodded his head as his eyes got even more teary, one tear even dropping out. You laughed at his state, knowing he had nothing on his brain but your pussy. 

You felt the too-familiar pressure on your tummy starting to build up and his cock twitching again. You bottomed out on him again, grinding your hips down on him as you tried to reach your climax. “Oh God! I’m getting close, Jakey.” you said in a whiny moan” You’re gonna cum with me, yeah?” you felt his cock twitch harder inside you as he nodded at your question, wanting to fulfil your request. Your breath was getting laboured but you tried to maintain your composure for him. 

Jake could feel you clench around him, knowing you were almost reaching your high. He slowly moved his hand from your waist to where your bodies met, rubbing on your clit. You let out a surprised yelp as you squeezed hard against him, eyes widening at the unexpected contact. “F-Fuck, Jake!” you said breathing heavily. “You make me feel so good.” Both of your lips met, desperately trying to reach both of your releases. You grinded faster on him, now moaning in sync against each other mouths. His finger rubbed faster on your swallowed nub, making your head spin as you threw it back.

“J-Jakey, I’m so close!” you said as you felt your thighs burn from exhaustion. “Me too, f-fuck!” His hips started slightly bucking upwards, trying to match with your movements. Your synced movements had you moaning loudly, not even caring if you’re gonna get complaints from your neighbours later. The sound of Jake’s whines getting louder along with the frequent twitching of his cock indicated that he was just as close as you. You sped up your movements as you felt the knot in your tummy about to burst.

“J-Jake, I’m gonna cum! I’m gonna cu-” you were cut off by your orgasm, almost stopping in your movements with a silent scream. The feeling of your juices releasing against his cock had Jake cumming right after you with a loud whine. The aggressive twitching of his cock along with the feeling of his warm seeds painting your insides felt heavenly. You looked down to see a white ring form around his length, slowly moving up and down as you rode both of your orgasms out.

Your heads rested against each others’ shoulders as you stayed like that for a while, you with the feeling of his hands rubbing shapes on your back soothingly. The sound of both of your panting filled the silent room. The sound of traffic could also be heard from outside and it made you go back to your senses. You got your head up, urging Jake to do the same. You pulled him in one last kiss before you pulled his length out of you, making both of you hiss. You got up and walked towards the bathroom to grab a washcloth. You cleaned yourself up first before going back and cleaning his length for him. He shook from still being sensitive, making you chuckle at him.

You tossed the cloth onto the ground and laid next to him, sighing happily when your head hit the comfort of your pillows. Your hand rested on his chest rubbing circles on it as you simply looked at his peaceful state. The silence in the room wasn’t uncomfortable and you felt like you both made a silent rule of not talking about what happened. He grabbed your hand from his chest and gave it a kiss. “Thank you for taking care of me.” He said as he felt his cheeks warm up. You chuckle and prop your head on your hand to get a better view of him.

“Well, thank me when we get a good grade. This was my thanks in advance.” You said, making both of you laugh. “Yeah, maybe I’ll be the one rewarding you next time.”

[saturnianoracle]

I AM SO SICK OF POP CULTURE BS MODERN ASTROLOGY , LORD FREE ME FROM THE SHACKLES OF HAVING TO READ THESE SELF ASSURED MODERN TAKES.

If I have to see one more comment or post relying on the ABC house system or modern rulerships I'm gonna crash out fr. What a tragically bastardised ancient art astrology has become.

If you really want to understand and appreciate astrology, you must understand it's context and the richer symbolic meanings behind its foundations (e.g. thema mundi, trad rulership and by extension reevaluating your understanding of the planets and signs, dignities, whole signs, Egyptian terms, chaldean decans, lots etc). This is especially vital for predictive work e.g electional and horary astrology.

Not everything modern is bad, i use many modern things myself. But better discernment is needed in order to separate misinformation and deep misunderstanding from something that is genuinely pertinent, and learning traditional (e.g. hellenistic astrology) can help with this. You have to let go of overly subjective interpretations from 'working backwards on a chart analysis and seeking confirmation bias , and you have to let go of default modern premises which you probably never questioned. Trust me, I learnt the hard way. There are a few things which I didn't agree with in hellenistic astro when I first started just because I couldn't relate it to myself or others...rookie error fr💀🤡🤡

Nothing is more freeing than taking the long and initially confusing plunge into the "scary complex" og astrology that is traditional astrology. Especially when you're trying to unlearn so much bs which you dont even think is bs at first. But it is so worth it. Once you properly understand the foundations of it , it becomes so much clearer to see the implications of these nonsense modern takes.

I've been super busy lately and suffering from my lack of executive function so I haven't written as many posts as I'd have liked to yet. But more will come eventually🤞. In the meantime, some extremely helpful resources to get started:

- Chris Brennan / The Astrology Podcast (his books are also good apparently)

- On The Heavenly Spheres: A Treaty on Traditional Astrology by Helena Avelar & Luis Ribeiro (pdf of this is easy to find online. Very solid primer into trad astro)

- Astrology and the Authentic Self , and Ancient Astrology in Theory and Practice , both by Demetra George

- Sevenstarsastrology.com - an absolutely fantastic blog writer who deep dives into plenty of traditional topics. E.g. 12th parts , antiscia , arabic lots, and some more basic things too. Long articles/lessons but extremely extremely informative. Genuine goldmine.

- Patrick Watson, he alao writes some brilliant articles too. His article on the ABC house system was especially useful in getting me out those trenches.

- @/illuminiah , @/0degreestaurus, @/ellieremotigue, @/saturnandhoney, @/ilanastrology, @/bloodyjupiter_ are all just a few tiktok accounts off the top of my head which have been very helpful in helping me unlearn modern shit.

- www.skyscript.co.uk

- Nightlightastrology on Youtube / Adam Elenbaas

- Lee Lehman is especially good for horary and electional according to my horary-specialised friends

- Robert Hand

- u_StellaGraphia on reddit posts some amazing explanations (in comment sections usually) , really helpful stuff

- my other posts so far

- stop reading costar, cafe astrology, astroseek, etc interpretations :)

[krems-chair]

Something Something Yeah It's Still Solavellan Hours (Mythal is kind of here, too)

I've seen a few very beautifully articulated posts talking about the conflicted responses players are finding themselves having in regards to the decision by writers* to have Solas' atonement route possible because of his conversation with one of the remaining fragments of Mythal.

(*honestly I hesitate to put the weight of bigger game events on their shoulders because of how much I know bigger players in the company were involved, so when you read 'writers' know I just mean whoever had final say on plot)

I love reading where people are at on this, and having now breathed, re-played the scene, cried, read some more theories, and then played the scene again enough times I think I'm now able to figure out where I'm at.

TLDR: in my humble opinion, the conversation Solas has with Mythal doesn't bring him any actual closure at all. It is only the version of the atonement ending that has Lavellan in which he is actually set upon a road to redemption.

This, like everything else where I lose my mind, will be long. I tried to restrain myself and here we are, unhinged as ever.

I was unhappy at first that Mythal's incredibly brief conversation with Solas where she releases him from her service seemed to be what finally allowed him to make a decision based on his wants and not hers. My concern stemmed mostly from the fact that a lot of us are trying to be active participants in a society that recognizes patterns of abuse and seeks to establish channels through which individuals can pursue healing without the approval, consent, or demise of their abuser.

But the more I look at the scene, the more I wonder what would have happened in a world where Veilguard got just a little more time in development. Could we have gotten a scene that more elegantly conveys the theme that we cannot heal every part of our loved ones, much as we might like to?

In an imperfect world it isn't always up to us how someone finds closure, which really sucks when you'd like to ensure a loved one finds it in a way that preserves their dignity and limits exposure to the individuals who have harmed them.

And while it could be left there, I'd like to actually push back on the idea that Mythal is in any way responsible for "healing" Solas in this moment.

I went on a different tirade a few days ago about how at the end of Inquisition, Mythal says words to Solas that on their surface seem well-intentioned or placating, but they actually just serve to further bind him in guilt and a position of servitude. In Veilguard's finale, she still does not take accountability for exactly how much of a role she played in the pain that Solas, a man others have revered and feared as a god, has gone through as he cowers, actually cowers before her.

Mythal's interaction with Solas conveys exactly two things to him as far as I am concerned (I'm going to botch these quotes but my laptop is dying so please accept some paraphrase as I rush to finish this before I go cry about this analysis to my uncaring dog):

"The terrible things we did, we did together." You are forever tied to me.

"I release you from my service." But what am I releasing you to?

Because up until Lavellan joins the fray here, all I take away from the physical and unwilling emotional cues Solas gives in this scene (he is a master in trickery, for goodness' sake, the thought of so many witnesses seeing him unable to hide behind a mask has to leave him feeling anguished on top of everything else) is that Mythal has once again reminded him of everything he did in her name and telling him that all that's left for him is to go back to the fade prison and, as he as always done, endure the crushing weight of his failures alone.

To me, in my interpretation, the Solas that hears this from Mythal with no Lavellan intervention may choose to willingly step down from his original plan (and yeah, that's gonna do some damage) but he is certainly not free of his past. He's going to be reminded of it every time he turns a corner and finds more blight to try and soothe, and even the moments that he rests will be filled with more manifestations of his regret. He says it himself: where he's going? It's terrible.

Enter Lavellan. Yeah, he couldn't bring himself to listen to her at her first plea (but like damn how many times are we going to have to watch her give a heartfelt speech only for him to be like 'something something beautiful elven rejection'). But I know that you know that our clever icon knows better than to take what Solas says at face value. She tells Rook plainly that he's absolute dogshit at lies of the heart, and she says it with her whole chest.

Lavellan sees the way his shoulders slump (in resignation yes, but you can't convince me there's not a little bit of relief there, too), she hears the agony in the "vhenan" that escapes his lips (which, don't even get me started on the fact that it's been like nine years and he has no hesitation at all calling her his heart, it just spills out of him). It is not the sound of a man delighting in the steps he's about to take. They're certainly not steps he does not dislike that lead to a destination he enjoys.

And then she watches Mythal (who I can't imagine she feels any sort of fondness or respect for) pull some weird nonsense on her love one final time, and she knows it's her moment to shine.

Mythal, I would argue, pushes Solas down one more time, shames him into seeking atonement, into once again being alone.

It is the romanced Lavellan that kneels so that he cannot fail to meet her eyes. It is she who invokes their connection, not to remind him of his failures but to reaffirm his greatest strength: their love and their love alone is inevitable. Not the consequences of his past, not the regret he thinks will consume him as he seeks to mend what has been broken. It has only ever been them.

"There is no fate but the love we share". We are forever tied together.

"There is no fate but the love we share." *I* am releasing you from everything else save for this love.

Put colloquially: get absolutely fucking wrecked, Mythal.

Body language comparison to chase up the dialogue one, anyone? The way Solas shrinks before Mythal as opposed to him walking off into the fade with Lavellan at his side and standing tall, and he does not flinch when she lifts a hand to his shoulder?

Ultimately, Mythal is a part of the atonement endings no matter what. But it is only Lavellan that refuses to let him walk alone. It is only Lavellan that guarantees that his dinan'shiral ends not in a prison of regret, but a place of promise.

Mythal bends Solas until he breaks one last time. Lavellan takes each piece, claims it as hers, and uses them to build the beginnings of a future.

[sweaterkittensahoy]

My chronic pain disabilities (hip fuckery; migraines) do not stop me from working. It doesn't mean I should treat my disabilities with less respect than disabilities that DO make it impossible to work.

When my endo pain was at its worse, I did all the things I was supposed to do--according to HR--to protect my job. I filed ADA paperwork. I communicated when I used it. I had the doctor's note. Etc.

Two days before my hysterectomy, I got a call from HR. "Oh, we're not sure we'll have work for you after you recover."

Which, first of all, is fucking illegal to say to someone who has ADA paperwork in place with you.

And, second of all, you're a fucking liar. I was the ONLY tech writer in a company of 500 people. Don't bullshit me.

I should have filed a complaint and sued the fuck out of them, but all I wanted to do was be able to possibly get out of pain and not have to worry about my paycheck after that. So, I called someone else in the company who I knew would lose his shit if I told him I'd basically just been told I had no work to do.

Two days after surgery, I had an email from HR to my personal account. Which, technically, they ALSO should not have used to contact me while on medical leave that was--like my disability paperwork--100% lined up and signed off on.

But the HR person wanted me to know that "Oh, looks like there IS work for you! Lol! Didn't know!"

This is bullshit. She was very aware.

Years later, I'm at a much better company. My supervisor, who is nothing but supportive, recently floated that it might be good to have ADA paperwork in place for my migraines because they flare during stress, which is the time I'm needed at work THE MOST.

No shit: I went into hard shutdown for about two minutes after he said it. It wasn't a threat or a dismissal of my migraines. It was him going, "Oh, hey, so no one can ever try to use them against you to say you're bad with stress, you might do this."

But all I felt was how I was absolutely fucked over by a bad company because they said, "You need to follow these legal steps," and I did, and they still tried to get around them.

So, no, I'm not dealing with getting punished if I have more than 2k in my bank account. I'm not dealing with people touching me, or my assistive devices (I don't currently use any). I can park anywhere in a lot and walk to the store entrance. But I was disabled, and I AM disabled, and I have had people try to punish me for existing in a body that just fucking HURTS because it HURTS.

It's Disability Awareness Month. I am disabled. Less so than I was ten years ago, which is a fucking stroke of luck. But also my right hip has started to go now, and who knows what the next 10 years will bring.

It's Disability Awareness Month. If someone says, "I'm disabled, and I want to talk about my experience," please pay attention and listen and learn and understand there's all sorts of ways disabled people are fighting to be treated with basic human dignity and under the basic rule of law.

[stormandforge]

And just like that, Forge has a name.

I almost choked when I heard it. I use captions, so I could see I hadn't imagined it, and I was in absolute shock. I repeated "DANIEL?" in disbelief about 10 times, my hand on my mouth and my eyes wide. I looked at my husband to confirm I wasn't going insane. Then I stared into space for the rest of the episode.

X-Men '97 using Forge's real name was the last thing I expected. And the way they did it, too, so casually, in conversation. I'D BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR 30 YEARS.

You might think it's a small thing, but before X-Men '97 episode 10, so before yesterday, Forge didn't have a real name. He was introduced in 1984. Let that sink in: that's 40 years without a single Marvel writer bothering to give him a name.

The fans, myself included, came up with headcanon to justify the decision and sometimes made up names for him in fanfic (Jonathan Silvercloud being the most famous one - no it's not an alt reality name, it comes from fic), but no Marvel writer took the time to explain or rectify.

This was frankly insulting of them, especially when you consider Forge's constant presence in the comics, and the ridiculous number of names some other characters have. Also, and perhaps most importantly, Chris Claremont had already planned a name for him:

All Marvel needed to do was use this name to make it canon. Or perhaps ask Claremont if they could use it. (And if they didn't want to speak to Claremont, they could still just...make up another name. You know, that thing writers do all the time.) But no, even after the name was announced on Twitter, it still was never used, on panel or elsewhere.

Enter a simple piece of dialogue in X-Men '97, and boom, Forge has a name. It wasn't that difficult, was it? Such a small move, but it shook me like a bomb. It's a historic moment for the character, and for the people who love him as much as I do. It's like he was finally given an identity, and with it the basic dignity he deserves.

I had imagined all sorts of scenarios in which his name would be revealed - all quite dramatic or emotional. But I guess the best way to retcon something that doesn't make sense is to pretend it never happened. So revealing his long-withheld name in conversation, natural like, is absolutely perfect. I love that Forge doesn't even react, because, you know, it's just his name, no big deal.

(I'm a bit sad that Ororo wasn't the first one to call him by his first name, but hey, you can't have it all.)

As far as I'm concerned, the name is canon now. '97 isn't the comics, but it's still Marvel, and that's good enough for me. I've waited long enough. And if the first name Claremont wrote is canon, then so is the last.

Which means: Forge has a full name. *SQUEEEEEEE*

I don't know who made the decision to use Forge's name or why, but I want to thank them. They righted a major wrong.

Now catch up, Marvel Comics. Everyone deserves a name. Even the monkey wrench repairman with non-flashy powers.

Everyone, meet Daniel Lone Eagle.

[gotskamstuff]

I am actually heartbroken right now, there’s no other way I have to describe it if not heartbreak and the thing is that I don’t even mean it because of the emotions evoked by the story, it’s actual pain by seeing my favorite show being ruined.

‘Cause I’m sorry but the show is forever ruined for me and I won’t be able to look at it with the same eyes ever again. I’ve said it once before when we were discussing rumors and I’ll say it once again now that we have seen it become a reality…this to me goes behind JJ being a fan favorite and even behind the ship, this is genuinely something that made me lose trust in the storytelling and in the core that’s this show.

This makes no sense, ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE.

Once again I’ll repeat it, I’m no snowflakes when it comes to characters death in shows (hello? Game of thrones fan here? I suffered like a dog) but damn, there’s gotta be a sense for a character dying and there’s absolutely none here, this is also not the type of show when it would be needed.

I’ve always said it and a character like JJ could’ve ended only in ONE WAY to give justice to him and to his story: LIVING HIS FUTURE.

When I say this ruins how I view the show and my trust in the storytelling I mean it with my whole chest, this has ruined JJ’s story from season 1 episode 1 “The Pilot” to this day, JJ’s ENTIRE story doesn’t mean anything anymore…what was the reason for all this? JJ’s story has always revolved around him never believing to have a righteous future in store for him, never believing he could have something good for himself and you get the idea, his whole story arc was about him never seeing anything for him…and he doesn’t? HE ACTUALLY DOESN’T HAVE A FUTURE? What was the point? What was the poiny of seeing JJ struggling from day 1? What was the point of exploring his insecurities? What was the point of seeing him falling in love? This is what I find the most heartbreaking, if I put season 1 episode 1 on right now and I see JJ on my screen, the first thing that comes to mind is: What was the point of any of this? If he never overcame his struggles and still didn’t get closure with Luke? If he died still believing only a episode earlier that he still didn’t have a future for him? If he still struggled to accept the love and never overcame his insecurities? If he never got that future he dreamed about? (which yeah ok he got for like what? 5 minutes of screentime) …what was the point in JJ’s entire story if he never got to prove himself wrong?

The only right way a character like JJ could’ve seen his story end with dignity would’ve literally been living that future he was sure he’d never have: have a house, a job, a family, HAVE KIDS, grow old not being a drunk in prison. And they killed him TWICE in my opinion, physically and also morally by making him die not being himself and still with all that anger and fear inside him and without his story ever finding closure.

None of this does justice to JJ’s story and his arc.

This is honestly what I can’t wrapped my head around, the reason why JJ was a fan favorite was not casual…it was because of his story, when we say “we watch for JJ” is because he’s one of those characters in a show that you’re rooting for, that you wanna see defeat the odds and get the ending his heart deserves…and I’m sorry to the writers because unintentionally they made him the protagonist just as much as John B if not even more at times. When we say there’s no excitement to watch the show now this is the reason: what’s there to root for if we were rooting for their better future and this was the whole story SINCE SEASON ONE?

I had big hopes for this season and I actually enjoyed part 1 but wow was I let down, this ending just killed the entire show for me…there’s no sense in this.

I know I’m repeating myself now but I can’t stress this enough, it destroyed the show ‘cause it ruined the entire purpose of the story. Looking back now nothing about JJ’s story was worth the pain and suffering he went through and looking forward what’s there to say anymore? They’re gonna go hunt for this crown and get rich? Ok, wasn’t the whole moral of the story about the real treasure being their found family?

I loved this show since April 2020 and I would’ve gladly watched it for YEARS AND YEARS ON, but wow I would’ve rather seen it end in the trilogy or with this season with a different ending, leaving a good memory.

I’m not gonna lie…I knew this was gonna happen, I tried to not trust the rumors and I tried to think rationally but when Rudy and the producer unfollowed each other, when Rudy didn’t share anything about S5, when in part the whole story was building around the Pouges being mad at JJ and not saying “I love you back” I kinda figured AND STILL I was hoping to be wrong and I was hoping to be pleasantly surprised ‘cause I knew how bitter it would’ve left me.

And I mean it, I’m heartbroken AND MAD. The story totally ruined.

And can I get this straight, everyone is already jumping on Rudy’s ass ‘cause yeah let’s be real, he probably was done with the show and and all that jazz and it’s not cool at all, but IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME…actors ask to leave shows all the time and in the end it’s still the writers call to decide how to make it happen, there are tons of different ways to write a character off ESPECIALLY A CHARACTER LIKE JJ, who always had that element of spontaneous take outs and with the blank paga that they had with the “surf trip”. There’s only ONE season left, I don’t think that Rudy would’ve refused if asked “hey of we can work around this, how about 5 minutes of screen time in the final episode?”…an open ending for his character that left the audience wonder “what’s JJ doing around the world?” “Where did he go?” would’ve been much more dignified for his story. In the end if they put a definitive ending to him and it was THEIR decision.

I’m actually devastated and I know it sounds exaggerated but this to me has also ruined the entire Jiara community as well…like what do we have left?

There was still so much they had left to their own story, KIARA’S STORY!! What was the point for her to fight so hard for him? to lose everything for him and get what in the end? TO HAVE HER WHOLE STORY REVOLVE AROUND HIM (‘cause that’s exactly what they did this season)? What a waste.

And it makes me incredibly sad ‘cause it has ruined all my excitement towards this part of the fandom that we built a community around…waht do we do with Jiara now? There was still so much I wanted to write for them in fictions and wanted to read from others but this has for the moment completely ruined my motivation to write for them and to even read their ff, knowing their story in canon ended and ended tragically, there’s nothing for their future. This is what I find so sad, there was left NOTHING to the imagination, nothing to let us wonder about their future.

This story ended today and I’ll never be able to look at it the same IF I’LL look at it. What’s the point of a story moving forward if the thing people were rooting for is gone? What are we rooting for if the Pogues are dead and the family is done? ‘Cause yeah, JJ was the core of the Pogues.

I find hard to believe that season 1 and 2 are the same show from season 3 and 4. The writing killed the show for good.

I hope WITH ALL MY HEART that I’ll be able to find back my excitement for my favorite show once again and that I’ll still be able to enjoy Jiara’s content again but I really find it impossible now.

I would’ve never thought that OBX, that show I watched in 2020 with genuine admiration for its story and way of portraying it could’ve been ruined like this. 💔

[the-other-art-blog]

SOPHIE NEVER ASKS BENEDICT TO CHOOSE HER OR MARRY HER.

I can talk endlessly about Sophie Beckett. She is one of my favorite characters ever. And I was thinking the other day how Sophie never asks Benedict to choose her or marry her. There's no "pick me" moment at all. She never gives him an ultimatum, a "marry me or I leave" kind of threat. She simply wants him to leave her alone.

How amazing is that? And how strong she was to do this and stick to her decision?!

Sophie, as romantic as she is, has a very realistic view of society and her future. She leaves her dreams to be dreams and takes life as it is, without sugarcoating it.

She refuses to be Benedict's mistress no matter how much she loves him, and he has no intention of marrying her until the last chapters.

In Mexico, we have a saying "mejor sola que mal acompañada," which translates as "better be alone than with bad company."

It's not that Benedict is bad company per se, but the life he offers her only works for him (and not even that really, not in the medium or long run). As a mistress, she would feel shame for the rest of her life adding one more disgraceful label to her name AND she would subject her children to the same shame and pain she endures every day. She will never be a Bridgerton, and the family will never accept her as they accepted Kate and Pen.

So she chooses a lonely but dignified life. Even Benedict tells her how lonely she will be:

And honestly, kudos to her because it's easier said than done. I mean, it sucks to be alone and everyone is afraid of it (this also applies to friendships too, and even family). Look at social media, everybody is lonely or afraid of being lonely. It's a rational fear, but it traps people in bad relationships. How many people have partners that do not support them or pose obstacles to their growth, some even mistreat them physically and emotionally. And they stay because they don't want to wake up to an empty bed.

When you take all the Bridgerton paraphernalia, you have a very current issue at the core, a very relatable woman (probably the most relatable one for the 99%) who just wants to stay true to herself. She's a woman refusing to be mistreated because she knows her worth and protects her dignity. She's not in the streets carrying cardboard with feminist messages, but she's fighting for herself and that's enough because it keeps an overprivileged man from ruining her. In the end, Benedict understands this fully and loves her all the more for it.

This also reminds me of all the posts here and on tw that say something like "I would be Benedict's mistress" or "my love for Benedict is dangerous for feminism." I know it's a joke and it's fun BUT when you think of it, Sophie could have said this, Benedict wanted her to say this. She could have accepted his proposal to enjoy the luxuries but she didn't.

I was going to post this until we have actual official confirmation that Sophie will be Sophie. But I am confident we'll have her. For 3 seasons the writers have demonstrated their love for Benophie with foreshadowing like no other character has had. And if we still have to wait more weeks to have casting news, then this post is still true to the book. I love Sophie so much 🥰.

[perfectfangirl]

notes after rewatching fallout s1 ep3

• almost certain that is sugarfoot cooper is dismounting in the scene from the movie he is filming 🥲 • the film cooper was filming here is called "the man from deadhorse", a clear play on the concept of "beating a dead horse" • just realized he [presumably] shot the bad guy character twice • i also noticed that the duster the bad guy character is wearing looks an awful lot like the duster cooper wears as the character he “plays” in the wasteland to cope. is... cooper playing a bad guy character based off one of his movies?? • saw a couple of different variations of "feo, fuerte, y formal" [all saying mostly the same thing] cooper says "he was ugly, strong, and had dignity" wikitionary says it denotes a conception of masculinity. very curious about this these words and the scene because cooper is obviously viewed as a concept of masculinity in hollywood, to the point where he's being asked to essentially engage in statecraft via propaganda as this movie scene is making his character do something completely antithetical--- killing the bad guy instead of solving another way, he basically says a line about "commies" then shoots the him in the head

• what's more is that some are viewing the three concepts of "ugly, strong, dignity" to mean either a variation of cooper, lucy, and maximus or of cooper himself, didn't even think of this and it's a particular interesting trichotomy of cooper pre and post war • "well, joey, i'll give you two out of three on that front" and now i don't know which two out of three • cooper goes out of his way to thank the actor jorge for playing the bad guy in his film • cooper presumably read the script, probably had a table read, rehearsal, and still didn't want to film his good guy character killing the bad guy [perhaps after cadillac bob got fired, there were rewrites and cooper was not told until then] out of context, this is charming, he values his characters so much that they mirror his own values [walton has argued with writers, directors, actors about his characters too!] but in context, it is either the beginning or yet another chapter is cooper's conflicting and morally challenging struggle of "right" and "wrong" in this show • need to know more about cadillac bob! he was doing the moral good type of writing on cooper's programs and i am curious if the firing was an ousting [as being labeled a communist is career over here] because the wiki says he was fired for refusing to write this storyline for the "new america" and then they wrote this character change for cooper to have a firmer anticommunist stance to influence the public. cooper wants to change the scene so bad, he asks for a writer and i find it amusing the director thinks doing a 180° on his character would be good because "the audience knows you're a good man. they want to see that even a good man as yourself can be driven too far sometimes" idk but this is about all the horseshit i can take • [this is precisely post war cooper's arc and character if that wasn't obvious enough] • enter barb. i love the sensual "married couple flirting like strangers" energy behind this scene • lavender flowers are supposed to represent purity, silence, grace, devotion, serenity, calmness--- just a little something for you romance girlies to think about with this scene • "tastes like someone touching you for the first time" and they make it a point to show cooper and barb's hands and cooper purposefully touching barb's fingers as they exchange the candy • hands and fingers seem to be important motifs here and it also seems like hands and fingers are particularly worthy of note for cooper • they kiss each other and they're like "sorry, makeup" and "sorry, lipstick" 😭 • looks like barb secured cooper some vault tec contracts • cooper winds up on siggi's headless body and i can almost see the algebra and trigonometry floating around his brain trying to make heads or tails of this shit • from my understanding, there's no chems that keep a ghoul from going feral within the game universe but there are chems that can and have turned people into ghouls, i see speculation that cooper may have a chem addiction and what we see are withdrawal symptoms, as when lucy finds him outside the super duper mart, he's still on the ground and not acting much feral but [of course coughing, drooling, etc could be the show's symptoms for ferality] i digress • almost think because it's dry and arid af out there, that's why he need a chem

• literally howling because of how lucy was handling siggi's head, she got over the shock and disgust quick 😭 • lucy is crazy for lighting another [camp]fire at night like that • lucy putting a tracker on siggi's head was smart though • lmao did the brotherhood of steel not know lord titus' regular speaking voice or • maximus lying to the brotherhood of steel, maximus selling his teeth for caps instead of literally anything else, maximus thinking he can leave his power suit uncovered and unattended without it being pulled for scrap--- like lord, maximus, please make a sensible step 😫 • the voice modulator mechanic person was very sci fi though • took me a second watch to realize maximus' tooth extraction resulted in a bit of a lisp glfgd • not maximus getting bullied again 😭 • maximus getting a wrench and toilet seat and beating the shit out of them wastelanders with them rotf • crushed that man's head like a watermelon❤️ • thaddeus being sent to inadvertently squire for someone he helped bully is his karma lol • "remnant from the old world" directly implying the enclave is a continuation of the us government • lucy arriving on the serene scene of a fawn near a lake where hollywood boulevard once stood [lucy being a parallel of the innocent doe, doe eyed, and this is bambi ok 🥲] • an undamaged, normal appearing fawn representing beauty and purity can grow in the wasteland and then it being snatched by a gulper likewise demonstrating that it can all be taken away in a blink of an eye • lucy once again being crazy for walking around with the barely contained rotting head, like of course the abomination snatched that too 😭 • cooper conveniently appearing with a cocked gun in her face and she just smiles and says "hello again" like excuse me?? 😭 • cooper's head tilt gets me every time, oof • he ain't have to lightly pistol whip her like that 😭 • lmao poor chet • betty to some degree i keep wondering if she knows extensively about the vaults of 31, 32, 33 or if she is just doing what she is told • norm using the word "escape" instead of perhaps "leave" when describing lucy's departure from vault 33 is intriguing, i think • it took me a minute, and i don't think i've seen much talk about this but i legitimately think norm's lack of enthusiasm and drive for life in the vault is directly connected to his mother's death but i have seen no clear age for him--- they don't show his memories like they do lucy's and i would want an explanation or exploration on his lore here because... he already uncovered vault 31's secret but i don't think he knows what hank has done and him finding out will be huge as well like for lucy • norm is rightfully angry at the raiders for what they did but i am almost willing to bet he might be implicated in their poisonings as a diversion tactic by someone like betty but it's all just a theory [a film theory gldfgldfl] • because someone in the fucking kitchen and handling the food poisoned them raiders... • ghoul prejudice being loud and clear and amongst the brotherhood of steel 😭 • ghouls leaving radiation trails is insane • lmao maximus and thaddeus coming upon siggi's headless body and then trying to compare his mugshot • maximus thinking it was the ghoul who beheaded siggi when it was lucy at siggi's request lol • dogmeat barking up a storm because she wanted cooper's foolishness upon lucy to cease • "you know, they use to do these things called "studies"" like lucy doesn't know what a study is? she's a teacher! 😭 • rads going up because of the water or cooper or both? • ok so i now get why when lucy told cooper torture was wrong that he went into a whole spiel--- not only was cooper in the military but for thirty years post war, dom pedro kept him in a coffin confined on an iv drip to keep him alive but would dig him up and slice pieces of him off and then put him back. cooper's behaviour using her as bait [but not torture] is of course not excusable but cooper is coming from a deep place of hurt and bitterness, this monster was whittled

• cooper goes on to say "it made sense. i mean a man hurts me, i wouldn't want to do him any favours. and yet the practice of torture failed to vanish from the earth. in fact, as time marched on, i've personally noticed a decided uptick in the amount of torture being doled out across the board." oh, cooper 😞 • he says this as he picks what looks like giant leeches off lucy [didn't have to do that] • "well, i ain't torturing you, sweetheart" here go the first instance of familiarity with a patronising pet name in the style of cowboyism and southerness gldgldlf • almost looked like lucy started cooperating when cooper told her he was using her as bait gldgldl • ok so it looks like cooper cut the rope? so lucy could get free i guess idk but then the gulper got ahold of the anchor so he couldn't reel it back? [not sure, anyways, he botched this lmao] • he starts striking at the gulper with what looks like a harpoon i guess when it catches lucy's leg [could've definitely let her get ate but didn't] • lucy basically saves herself with dogmeat biting the gulper and scaring it off • cooper empties lucy's bag and destroys her stuff so it's only right cooper's karma is his vials getting smashed in the process of using lucy for bait lol • cooper getting mad and taking out his gun and cocking it at lucy like it was her fault his shit got smashed 😭 • "oh, i'm sorry, i should just let you use me as bait in the poison river!?" the way she says it always almost brings a tear to my eyes like get his ass 😭 • for the first time in the show, cooper realises he was wrong and/or messed up [and to his detriment] • lucy protests her treatment, "do unto others as you would have done unto you" and cooper starts mumbling to himself "those gulpers digest real slow. you got time." because he already going through withdrawals, help • so he ties her up like a dog and says the wasteland got its own rule and it's "thou shalt get distracted by bullshit every goddamn time" 😭 this is so a reference to gameplay and how they themselves are going on a fucking side quest lmao • lucy asking about dogmeat 😢 dogmeat staying because that gulper has siggi's head ☹️

• lmao maximus masquerading as lord titus asking thaddeus to say something about him • you know? it's good writing to me to explain why a [secondary] character would bully or behave as thaddeus has to maximus--- he's not merely a side character and wanted to say nothing but nice things about maximus when he thought he died, i'll give him that • "we can judge a person and a society by how they treat their enemy" goes boom because of the game lore and also because somebody kills all those raider prisoners lol • this disconnect between the vault dwellers and wastelanders--- they're talking about teaching these people shakespeare when some of them eat people for survival • norm wants the raiders to die and they keep showing steph and this might be a red herring but i think she poisoned them mfs, personally • hmm why does steph know what hank would do in this situation like that flgdlgdl • maximus trying to protect thaddeus from danger • thaddeus calling cooper an abomination because he's a ghoul 😭🖐️ • the little scream thaddeus makes as the gulper gets him ❤️ • dogmeat really loved siggi ☹️ • cooper and lucy walking near an incinerated hollywood tour bus is so lmao why cooper walk past that • at first i thought cooper was displaying cruelty by not letting lucy drink his water but then it occurred to me it might be irradiated, the next scene with water like this, she gets sick from radiation from drinking water • lmao when he emptied the last drops of water in his canteen out in the sand in front of her 😭 • "ain't much stays clean up here, vaulty" he is talking about himself • lucy gazing at a billboard of vault boy, cooper shooting the face, then they cut to vault boy's origins being cooper--- • symbolism and parallels like this can kill a man but i did want to just say there's so many layers to this. to be short he has such contempt, shame for what he thinks he's done, people hundreds of years later worship this thing that represents the end of civilization and he feels responsibility because he was deceived as well. lucy none the wiser. she just thinks he's crazy and horrible for no reason. if only she knew. • the road to hell is paved with good intentions

[29daffodils]

to plot or to not plot, that's the question

there's post under the tag that... really tickled my brain because i somewhat agree with it. but not entirely, considering i do still believe OP sounds... i dunno, something, while they are telling FK stans to “have some dignity”. so I'll just add to that, because i think fan interpretation and looking deep into a story is important, than say, just being fed all the info.

now let's start with saying i am a FKT stan and I'll be somewhat biased in my approach, but i will still try to keep this as neutral as possible.

that said, i do think jojo's writing needs improvement. a looooooot of improvement. the other day i was complaining to my friend @skyfish7 how jojo tends to use serious topics as plot devices and then does nothing with them. also the fact that he has a flair for drama and usually seems to include it in places to engage the viewers but he handles it poorly (boeing, I'm looking at you bitchass) or simply doesn't conclude them well (kant's phobia, bison's bdsm shtick, etc, i know we still have 2 eps left, don't kill me yet).

i do think OP was coming from a genuine place but also, i will take the time to defend jojo here too. because THK is not all trash. joong and dunk's characters are visibly seen to be falling in love, whereas first and khaotung's are more subtle.

i know what OP means by saying that it's still hard to believe that kant is in love with bison. because part of me feels that too. i believe a lot of it is because we do not see any detailed development where it's needed or it is skipped over in favour for more drama. like i said, jojo tends to gravitate towards big impactful scenes but he does not lay out the finer details. i am choosing to think that's just his writing style and not him just being a terrible writer. as my girl sky said, it leaves something to the viewer's imagination. and yes, she's right and i agree. spoon feeding every bit of a story is lame and boring, but sometime you do need to add little details where they are needed.

if you've already read my post about how THK seems to be losing steam, you might know what I'm talking about.

I'm very much convinced that this could have done well with a binge watch or if it were in movie format. but imo there's too many things going on with the focus distributed disproportionately among them, which in turn, i think, kinda makes the character development take backseat.

but let me add something about bikant because OP seems to be under the impression that they are simply trash.

jojo tends to make the falling in love subtle. at least for his FK characters. in bikant's case, they were both already smitten with each other from the first meeting. especially kant. he was head over heels for bison and it was very visible. it was deliberately shown. so when he does start the mission of getting dirt on him, the most visible emotion we see from kant is guilt. nothing else but guilt. and that is because it's already established he likes bison as a person. kant's character is written as someone who compartmentalizes things so even when he does find out bison's a hitman and there's proof (we see him staring horrified at the corkboard in their house) he quickly dismisses it. we repeatedly see style telling us that kant is smitten with bison. why? because kant doesn't have the mental capacity to think about romance right now, so it's style who tells the viewers his friend is wrapped around bison's little finger. the time when we finally actually see him do anything remotely truthful is ep#7 — the bowling alley and northern lights scene. kant has successfully gathered all the info he can and now he knows he might lose bison. so this one night he actually goes and lets himself love truthfully. he does all the things he would have done after that first meeting with bison. and then when bison gets shot, that's when he realises what he actually wants. the hospital scene is an important one because it cements the fact that kant cares, kant is in love, but his brain hasn't caught up to the feeling yet the idea is there, the proof is there, but he hasn't had the reprieve to sit and think and let that love marinate well. it's why even when kant says that he loves bison, it's difficult for us to believe. it's difficult for bison to believe. remember, we are viewing the beach scene from bison's pov and he ultimately asks, “you are not fooling me again, are you?” and that is the question from the viewers as well.

“you are not fooling us again, are you, kant?”

so all bison and we can do is take kant at face value and choose to believe him. that's all there is to it.

bison on the other hand? bro has been whipped since the first night. he is a hopeless romantic. he is an abused child hungering for love stuck in an adult's body. bison has been infatuated with kant from the get go, but he has also been suspicious and we have seen that suspicion slowly drop and build back up again time and time. but the moment bison actually spends all of ep#7 with kant and says, “i feel like my life is about to change”, that's him falling in love. that's him acknowledging that he is gone for good and he is finally choosing to believe kant despite the previous shady sus things he's done. bison had chosen to believe in him despite fadel warning him time and time again, and that's why the beach scene hits so hard. he is simply a fool in love. he is naive. he is the younger brother who doesn't know better. he just wanted to love, he loved and he got duped into being loved back (we all know that wasn't the case, but, bison POV like i said).

now, coming back to the point i was trying to make : do i think an extra tidbit of scene where kant's thought process was expanded on could have been better? yes.. maybe. but as a writer who likes to keep her readers interpreting and guessing, i choose to forgive jojo this time (as well). like i said, maybe this is just how he tends to write and honestly that's fine. every writer has a set of audience they are aiming for and i think there are plenty who enjoy his work (i do too, i just wish he'd tone down on the super big things suddenly being thrown in out of nowhere and then doing nothing with it).

and as far as sandray goes, boy do i have news for OP because ray is a classic example of a mentally ill abused child who is now an alcoholic and sand is a surrogate husband/caregiver growing up in poverty who puts himself last. that's their story. that's the story jojo wanted to tell, and i will rant about ray and sand and forgiveness (because OP thinks he is an asshole, so i want to make a point) but.... in a different post.

for now, this is it. i hope you forgive and understand kant. bro is trying and so are we.

[maykitz]

If you're white you really shouldn't be encouraging people to watch a video of a Black woman getting murdered by police. You shouldn't have to actually watch a Black woman getting killed on video to understand how horrible it is. I'm Black and I'm just tired of people trying to act like our deaths are some sort of show or spectacle to consume.

i'll try to explain my stance on this delicate matter thoroughly and i mean this as gently as possible because i know you're coming from a place of hurt and compassion. but think about what you're saying here. if (almost) no one watches the footage, then what? who decides what's on it? who owns the narrative? do you want to grant exemptions to a few reliable(?) narrators who can watch the video and then tell everyone else what they saw? we're talking about a homicide case with major public interest and a not insignificant amount of coverup from varying sources, not least of which is the police department itself. it's actually paramount that the public have access to the evidence and use that access. you can rely on descriptions, sure, but who's to say they're accurate? even unintentionally, every description only tells you what the writer thinks happened, it will never replace seeing something with your own eyes and forming your own opinion.

besides that, i strongly disagree that viewing evidence to be able to assess the situation as truthfully as possible disrespects the victim in any way. no dignity is taken from her when other people see what led up to her death, whether that be on the news or on tiktok. we're not talking about a lecherous bystander recording of her body or anything. and nobody actually watches these videos to learn that killing [black] people is bad, i don't understand the popularity of this strawman. the crux of every single discussion of police brutality has never been questioning whether killing is per se bad, but whether this specific killing was justified due to special circumstances and especially the victim's own behaviour. the question of special justification is what all the victim blaming is poured into anew every single time. and body cam footage can not only answer this question but actually provide evidence for it like nothing else can.

people who watch material like this to titillate themselves are few and can and will get their kicks anyway. the vast majority of views on these recordings are concerned with investigating the facts before speaking on them, which is undeniably a good thing. an essential thing, in fact. how is the public discourse supposed to respond to the inevitable claim of self defense from the first hand account of the cop if everybody respectfully declines to view the first hand account of the body cam? or can only refer to the second hand account of someone else's description? you're conceding the investigation to people whose interests lie in shifting the blame onto the victim, out of racism or fanatic loyalty to the police force or whatever reason.

still, i agree that sharing these videos around on social media shouldn't be done if they're reliably permanently available somewhere. but as well meaning as you are and as much as i emphasise with your desire to protect the victim, people very much do need to see facts to form an opinion. you do have to prove that the cop killed her unprovokedly und frivolously. you're not protecting her dignity or her status as the victim by asking that everyone just says yes & amen and believes whatever some unspecified source of video description has concluded from viewing the evidence. criminal cases can't be discussed on the basis of a game of telephone. and that does mean the victim's final moments will be seen by many strangers. i'm sorry.

[fangsandfeels]

I really don't like that the game tried to make the First Warden that unreasonable and aggressive meathead who doesn't even try to listen and blindly accuses. For a moment, the First Warden is a man who:

Is deeply involved in politics and making connections to ensure that the Order has enough resources and support.

Shows active and vivid interest in anything that might be of use to Grey Wardens.

Stayed away from Mage vs Templar war because the Order needs recruits and he would rather not limit its options by choosing one side and pushing another away forever. It's more than understandable given how fast people forget the horrors of the Blight and start looking for the ways to screw you over.

Allows a Grey Warden blood mage (who is complicit in deaths of many of his fellow Grey Wardens and guilty of experimenting on humans) to perform experiments in order to find the cure from Calling and regularly receives reports from him.

Made a horrible decision to corrupt the griffons with Taint for the sake of saving more refugees and minimizing deaths.

In other words, he doesn't sound like someone narrow-minded - and there is a value to gain or a threat to prevent, he responds. And since the First Warden is described to let his Warden-Commanders handle most of the Order stuff, the fact that he came to talk to Rook in person should mean that he'd want to do more than to threaten them. He would want to know what happened.

Yes, Rook's explanations are worded horribly, but still the man recognizes that the taint spread through that village extremely fast, which is not normal. So, whether he trusts Rook or not, he wouldn't want to lose them from his sight: if he suspects them of being connected to the new type of Taint, he wants to know what they're up to. Telling them to stay out of the Grey Warden business and trying to arrest them is counterproductive - especially when we know that the First Warden isn't a stranger to controversial allies or horrible decisions. It would have made more sense for him to appoint Davrin to work with Rook - and to secretly order him to kill Rook if his suspicions are confirmed and Rook actually works with those responsible for dangerous type of Taint.

Also, he isn't the one to crap on potential allies (Mortalitasi and Mourn Watch) or judge extreme decisions. He made plenty of those himself, like many Warden-Commanders in his charge.

Needless to say, Alruna didn't punch him. First of all, out of all my OCs, Alruna is the one who doesn't punch - why bruise your knuckles when you can telekinetically lift your opponent and slam them into the ground for a good measure?

Second, that's not how she handles stuff in general. If she wanted the First Warden out of the way, she'd have put him to sleep magically. But, she needed him. She ignored writers' shitty attempt of creating a punchable character simply because writers hate Grey Wardens now saw the tired, exhausted man and spoke to him. Not pleading, but reasoning. Honestly, it was a much more satisfying outcome than punching him, loss of approval be damned.

If only the game gave him the dignity of killing the Archdemon, instead of spitting on him for the final time.

[inkmonster21]

Sing for Me

3. A Choice for the Damned

Cooper Howard x Fem!Reader / The Ghoul x Fem!Reader

She's a singer the nation adores. He's the actor everyone respects. What happens when these two get entangled in a heated affair? Passion, regret, rage, and even murder will commence. From before the bombs drop to the vast wasteland, these two souls live for one another.

Previous Chapter

Series Masterlist

Tagged: @fallout-girl219 @harmfulb1tch

The sheriff leans over the antagonist with a glare. He backs away, groaning, the first gunshot bleeding out. The damsel is strapped to the fence, a bandana gag around her mouth, and tears in her eyes, “Help me!”

The sheriff nods to her, eyes determined. “Now you just stay calm, honey.” He towers over the injured man. “Please, sir. Please, sir, please.”

The sheriff holds his gun up, “There's an old Mexican eulogy. Feo fuerte y formal. Means he was ugly, strong, and had dignity. Well, Joey, I'll give you two out of three on that front.” Waiting in anticipation for him to pull the trigger, the damsel turns away whimpering.

“Do I really have to kill him?” Cooper’s voice rings out with an unsteady tone. I look up at him, as the loose rope is being pulled off of my frame by an assistant.

“Cut!”

Cooper motions for the director, “Emil, can you come over here? I got to talk to you for a second.” Cooper turns to me, lending me a hand to rise to my feet. “You were amazing, sweetheart. Just like always.” I smile, giving his hand a light squeeze. He had been very open about his concerns with this individual film. He didn’t want to be seen as the enemy. Cooper had a good heart and a strong grasp of the reputation of his characters. He held them dear.

As Emil nears I remove my hand and avert to my set chair. “Listen, I got to talk to you about these, these new pages, you know? I mean, I-I'm the sheriff, right? Well, why can't I just arrest the guy like I normally do? That's what I do.” Emil nods in understanding, “The... The audience, Coop, yeah? They already know you're a good man. They want to see that even a good man as yourself can be driven too far sometimes.” “Yeah, I understand that. But that's not really my thing, you know, Emil, that's not what I do. I mean, Bob, is Bob around here anywhere?”

I pipe up from my chair, where an assistant brushed makeup on my cheeks. “Bob's been fired, Coop.” He turns to me shocked. “What?” “The Studio fired him.” “Why?” Emil sighs, “See, turns out... Bob's a bit of a communist.”

Cooper's eyes widen, “A communist? Cadillac Bob?” Emil nods, hands on his hips, “Cadillac Bob! The very one.”

Cooper shakes his head, frustration clear in his eyes. “Well, what a shame, he was such a great writer. Terrible shame.” “One of the best, but he had to go. Which is why this movie is so important. You see, it's a new kind of western.

The power of the individual when the chips are down. The new America, it's why I'm telling you, so... that's why it'd be really great if you could just... shoot Jorge in the fսck¡ng head, yeah?” Coop lets his head fall at the director's words. The fight was clearly not worth the time for either of them. “Right.”

I sit silently, watching the exchange. Cooper really stressed this change for his role and reputation. He would always be the good guy in my eyes.

“He causing drama again?” I look over my shoulder to see Barb. I suck in a breath composing myself. I smile lightly pretending to now just look towards Cooper. “He’s not too keen on the new ending.” Barb furrows her brow. “They’ve changed it? He didn’t mention that.” My heart tinged in the most sinful way. He shares his thoughts and troubles with me instead of her. Just time was all he needed. He said so.

Cooper stiffened at the sight of the two of us speaking. He excuses himself from the director, “Uh, hey, let's, uh, let's pick this up after lunch, all right?”

He arrives placing his hand on the arm of my chair, force of habit. “I’m just going to have to do it.” His sigh of defeat reflects in his eyes. I frown, patting his hand in support, “it will be fine, Coop.” Barn watches the exchange, brows furrowed, lips in a tight forced smile.

Cooper makes himself drift away from my chair, wrapping an arm around Barb. “Are we about ready to do this thing?” She nods, bilking away any doubt in her mind. “I have both of your clothes right here.” She hands a box to Cooper and a bag to me. The lavish tissue makes it appear as a gift. What a joke.

“They’re both in Cooper's signature colors. Your dress will be the trademark of the bots. If you have any jewelry you’d like to add just slip it on before the shoot.” I smile at her sweetly, “Thank you, Barb. I’ll go change right now.”

As I leave I don't miss the glare Barb sends in Cooper’s direction. She says something causing him to roll his eyes and pat her shoulder. She brushes him off and walks away. My heart feels for her, truly, but in no way was I willing to end my addiction.

I spin in the blue fabric, the skirt of the dress flowing around delicately. The gold piping at the edge of the skirt, waist, and neckline added some extra dimension. It was likely hand-crafted just for me. I looked at my table, seeing the pearls Cooper gifted me poking out from the bottom of my bag. I bite my lip in hesitation before grasping the expensive earrings and necklace and adding them to the outfit before exiting my trailer.

I walk up to the studio doors, meeting Barb and Cooper. Cooper rakes his gaze over my frame with a smile. His eyes lasted a second longer on my jewelry; his smile widened. Barb clears her throat, “Are you two ready to meet the suits?” I nod with a smile, ready to charm and look pretty for the billionaire bastards.

Cooper nods, “I'll try not to embarrass you. No promises, though.” The three of us walk in meeting a man and a woman. “Mr. Howard, Ms. (L/n). It is great to meet you.” I shake the gentleman’s hand with a smile, “it’s a pleasure.” The man proceeds to kiss my knuckle. “I’m a big fan. Saw you in Vegas last year.” Before I could respond, Cooper pushed his hand forward, a fake smile plastered on his face, “Hey, nice to meet you.”

The woman speaks, “On behalf of the whole Vault-Tec family, we wanted to say how delighted we are that Barb could use her connections to get to you and Ms. (L/n).”

Cooper nods, “You know, I've never done an advertisement before in my life.” I lean into his side, prodding my elbow into his side lightly. “Don’t you worry, Cowboy. I’ll show you how it’s done.” Everyone laughs, everyone but Barb.

“Over here?” I ask gesturing to the large Vault Tech backdrop. My heels clicked with each step. “Yeah. Let’s get America’s sweetheart wrapped up first, then Coop can have a shot. Sound good?” The male member spoke. I couldn’t help but look towards Cooper as he called me sweetheart. I was not disappointed to find him burning a glare into the man’s frame.

I stand like a poised housewife, hand on hips and a pearly white smile. “Beautiful!” I turn around, the skirt flowing, placing my hand behind my back. “She’s such a beauty!” They had me pretend to vacuum, hold an apple pie, and eat a fucking cherry like some porn star! Cooper wasn’t wrong about what he had said, they would do some shady shit.

“That’s a wrap on Ms. (Y/n)!” A roar of applause and howls from the men coursed through the set. I bowed slightly, the cheeky smile of a performer shone on my face. “You know what would make this even better?” I stare at the man in confusion, “now how could I possibly make this any better?” Please don’t say more pictures with fruit, I silently beg.

The male smiles widely, hope in his eyes. “If you’d sing.” Several of the men nod in agreement. “Yeah, come on.”

I look over to Cooper and with a nod he tips the final persuasion in my decision. I wave my hand at the group of people, “Any chance one of you might play the piano?” They hurriedly push a skinny man out. He gulps with a smile. “I-I do miss.” I smile at him extending a hand. “(Y/n), nice to meet you,” I drag on with a friendly smile. “Henry. Henry MacLean.”

I motion to the grand piano so conveniently set right next to the backdrop, “if you wouldn’t mind.” Henry’s cheeks turn rosy, “yes, of course. It would be an honor.” He sits down composing his jitters. I lean down in a hushed manner, “It would be perfect if you knew how to play, I’m the one you’re looking for.” If even possible, his smile grows wider and he begins the tune on the piano softly. I pat the top of the piano to the tune beginning to perform.

“I see you lookin' 'round the corner

Come on inside and pull up a chair

No need to feel like a stranger

Cause we're all a little strange in here.”

Cooper smiles as he watches me, he is under my spell. I felt the power of having him at my will with his wife so near.

“Have you got a history that needs erasing?

Did you come in just for the beer and cigarettes?

A broken down dream you're tired of chasing

Oh, well I'm just the girl to make you forget.”

And I was the one to make him forget everything that pledged him. He told me his troubles big and small. We shared a heart of the same soul.

“So sit down your pretty face

You came to the right place

Oh, where every night it starts once more

I'm telling you, friend, your search is at an end

Cause I'm the one you're lookin' for.”

I spin around the piano with grace. Lifting myself on top of it. I dramatically cross my legs and lay down flat on the black surface.

Louder applause erupted. You would think it was an actual bought-out concert. I sit up with my hand over my heart and a killer smile.

A hand reaches out to assist. I grab it not bothering to look. “That was remarkable, (y/n),” Henry whispered in my ear. As my feet hit the ground I back away from him. “Thank you, thank you everyone.” Cooper claps with a flat smile, his eyes bore into Henry’s back, watching his every move.

I take a bow before moving off the floor. “Looks like I warmed them up for ya.” I laugh standing next to Cooper and Barb, whose face is fighting to break her picture-perfect smile.

Cooper makes his way into the backdrop. “Hell, I don’t know if I’ll top that.” Cooper begins his work, striking pose after pose. He puts his hands on his hips, and before I stop myself I whistle at him playfully.

Barb chuckles beside me, very gently, loud enough for only my ears. I can feel her eyes burn into my side. I turn to her with a smile. She returns it, her eyes sending silent daggers. Her eyes graze over the necklace. “That is so lovely.” I touch the pearls in devotion, “thank you.” “Where’d you get them?” I look at her without a beat, “it was a gift.” She hums with a sharp nod. I feel the back of my neck heat up as we continue to watch Cooper in silence.

~

Barb and I sat in the car, silent on the drive home. I knew she was angry with me. It wasn’t very discreet how I acted towards (y/n). I just needed time to sort everything out. Sadly distancing myself from Barb was part of the mission.

“Henry and (y/n) would make a cute couple.”

“What?” I almost swerved out of my lane. “That guy who played the piano?” She nods, “They had chemistry.” I grip the wheel, I can feel jealousy in the pit of my chest, rotting from the inside out. “I don’t think so, Barb. He’s not her type.” “And what is her type?” I roll my eyes S we roll up to a red light, taking a minute to look at her. Her arms are crossed and her face looking at me wildly. “I see what you’re doing.” “Then it shouldn’t be difficult for you to admit.” I huff, “admit what?”

The red light makes the car appear in a rose hue as if I’m on fire. I am definitely in the hot seat. “That you have feelings for her.”

The light turns green and Barb begins her accusations. “You look at her like she’s a prize. You’re constantly talking about her. You barely come home at a reasonable hour, and when you are free you make plans with her!” I shake my head, “We’re close Barb, what do you want me to do?” She slumps, crossing her arms, mumbling, “Too damn close.”

I ran a hand over my face, thankful I was pulling in the driveway. “I think you need some rest, Barb. I know I do.” I exit the car not even waiting for her. I didn’t know if I could do it. I knew I had settled on it, but now seeing the consequences at bay I feel torn.

I love Barb. She supported me in my career through the good and bad. She has been a wonderful mother to Janey. She’s a beautiful woman who I care for in my heart. She is my wife, and I should be able to surpass desires, but (y/n)… my fire, my muse, my reason for waking every morning. She is who keeps me alive. I can picture our lives together. I’d purchase that ranch, buy a big diamond for her finger, and fill the house with any furniture she wanted. Janey would stay with us, on a set schedule arranged with Barb. It could be so perfect, and it should be easy to tell her, but that isn’t true.

I pour myself a whisky, going to rest on the couch. Barb slams the door, causing me to look back with a glare. “Janey is asleep.” “What do you care, Cooper?” Barb slams the everlasting files down with force. “I work my ass off to try and get us a spot in these vaults to be safe, and you think you can go sleeping around with that whore?” I sit up, my face growing red. “She’s not a whore, Barb. I think you should go to bed before you say something you regret.”

She smirks, laughing, “You really think I’m that stupid? Do you think I don’t know who comes and goes in my own house? Did you think our neighbors wouldn’t tell me you fucked her in our hot tub?” My face pales as her words cut me down. I sink into the sofa, a shriveled shameful man. “I watched her walk her ass down the street and get into her car. Jone from two houses down has a photograph. Wouldn’t it just be awful for that to be shown to the tabloids?” Barb stands in front of me, arms crossed and her foot tapping. “It’s me or it’s her, Cooper. You make your choice tonight and that is it.” She leaves with a stomp, going up the stairs and into the bedroom.

I sit there for I don’t know how long. Barb was really threatening her career she worked so hard for. I couldn’t let her dreams die because of me. I run a hand over my face with a groan. I only look up from my now-empty glass to see Janey taking a seat next to me. “What are you doing up, pumpkin? It’s late.” Janey has tear streaks painting her cheeks, she sniffles quietly. “Mommy was yelling.” I hug her close, resting my chin on her head. “It’s okay, Janey.”

“Are you going to leave us, Daddy?”

Fuck. There it was. The only reason for staying. I could have her, I could have the life in the hills, relaxing with my two favorite people. Janey would love (y/n).

Janey leans further into me, sobbing now. “Daddy please don’t leave me.” I hug her tightly. I can see the fantasy slipping away, more and more as I sink into the couch.

“No, baby, Daddy’s not going anywhere.” I pick her up carrying her to her room. “Let’s get you back to bed.”

After settling Janey down, I enter the lion's den, my bedroom with the awaiting wrath. Barb lay under the covers in the bed unmoving. I stare at her with sorrow. I had caused much pain, but my heart could never be closed off from feeling the constant ache for her. I lay down with Barb, wrapping an arm around her. “I choose you, Barb,” I whisper before closing my eyes and averting to my only pleasure, my fantasy of her. My mind is now the only freedom I have to picture her in such a manner. Remembering her soft moans and the arch of her back as she released. It was all just a memory now.

[justforbooks]

Teri Garr

American actor who brought superb comic timing to her roles in film classics such as Young Frankenstein and Tootsie

The American actor Teri Garr, who has died aged 79, once said: “I’ve spent a lot of time clawing my way to the middle.” That remark could have sprung from the lips of any of the fizzy, dizzy, nakedly neurotic women who were her speciality from the mid-1970s onwards.

In Mel Brooks’s horror pastiche Young Frankenstein (1974), she was Inga, the bubbly laboratory assistant who, when proposing a roll in the hay, means precisely that and nothing more. She played the wives of troubled men in two very different fantasies from 1977.

In Steven Spielberg’s Close Encounters of the Third Kind, she tries to keep her children chipper while their father (Richard Dreyfuss), a UFO obsessive, descends into madness. In the comedy Oh, God!, in which her husband (John Denver) is visited by the wisecracking Almighty (George Burns), she says tearfully: “I went to empty the garbage and two people blessed me. And then one of them blessed the garbage.” In both instances she invested stay-at-home sidekick roles with abundant warmth, humour and generosity.

Younger audiences came to know Garr as the mother of Phoebe Buffay (Lisa Kudrow) in the 1990s sitcom Friends, but her career high point was Tootsie (1982), starring Dustin Hoffman as a cross-dressing actor. Playing Sandy, his sometime lover waiting for her big acting break, Garr was touchingly grounded. She improvised some of her funniest moments, such as being locked in the bathroom and then resolving to use the experience in her acting work, and made comic capital out of the way in which the tiniest knock could send Sandy’s self-esteem plummeting. Most magically, she brought dignity to a part that could have come across as a doormat. Garr was Oscar-nominated but lost out to Jessica Lange for her performance in the same film.

The production was famously troubled, passing through so many writers and potential directors that there were rumours of an “I Also Wrote/ I Almost Directed Tootsie” club in Hollywood. Hoffman and the eventual director, Sydney Pollack, spent most of the protracted 100-day shoot either at loggerheads or communicating only through intermediaries.

Garr found Hoffman exhausting. “It’s not enough to give in to him,” she said. “You have to like what he wants too!” Such off-screen troubles only made the delightful end result all the more miraculous. In the escalating mania of the picture’s final stretch, Garr came into her own with her killer timing and gasping indignation.

She was born in Lakewood, Ohio, to showbiz parents: Phyllis Lind, born Emma Schmotzer, was a dancer with the Rockettes, while Eddie Garr, born Edward Gonnoud, was a vaudeville performer and actor who starred alongside a young Marilyn Monroe in Ladies of the Chorus (1948). After he died when Garr was 11, the family moved from their home in New Jersey to Hollywood, where her mother became a wardrobe mistress for film and television.

From an early age Garr harboured aspirations to be an actor and dancer. At 13 she performed with a professional ballet company in San Francisco. She was educated at Magnificat high school, Ohio, North Hollywood high school and California State University at Northridge before appearing in the West Side Story road show and Donald O’Connor’s revue at the Cocoanut Grove club.

Garr’s earliest film appearances were as a background dancer in Elvis Presley movies; she appeared in nine including Fun in Acapulco (1963), Kissin’ Cousins, Viva Las Vegas (both 1964) and Clambake (1967). She began taking acting lessons and found herself in the same class as Jack Nicholson, who was writing the deranged film Head (1968) as a vehicle for the Monkees. He doled out small parts to his classmates, providing Garr with her first speaking role as a woman who suffers a snakebite. (“Quick,” she tells Micky Dolenz, proffering an injured finger, “suck it before the venom reaches my heart.”)

She became a regular in the early and mid-70s on The Sonny & Cher Show – she based Inga’s accent in Young Frankenstein on Cher’s German wig stylist – and appeared on sitcoms such as The Bob Newhart Show and M*A*S*H.

Francis Ford Coppola gave her a small role in his surveillance thriller The Conversation (1974) and she was also part of the ensemble cast in two ramshackle US comedies by British directors: Michael Winner’s star-studded Won Ton Ton, the Dog Who Saved Hollywood (1976) and John Schlesinger’s Honky Tonk Freeway (1981).

After playing the young hero’s mother in the lyrical Coppola-produced adventure The Black Stallion (1979), Garr became part of the director’s Zoetrope Repertory Company, appearing in other films produced or directed by him.

“Instead of getting a big chunk of money for a movie, I’d take a weekly cheque or a small amount, because we were all going to share the profits later. After a while, even the small cheques stopped coming.” Zoetrope productions in which she starred included The Escape Artist and the stylised but commercially disastrous musical One from the Heart (both 1982). Of the latter, Garr said: “It was over-rehearsed. After you have done a scene 25 times, you have no energy left, you don’t care.”

She was one of the leads in The Sting II, a lacklustre sequel to the 1973 con-artist comedy film. She briefly reprised her role in The Black Stallion Returns and played the wife to a house-husband (Michael Keaton) in Mr Mom (both 1983).

A rare foray into straight drama came as a divorced woman taking up with a cad in Michael Apted’s Firstborn (1984), and she was wickedly funny in Martin Scorsese’s black comedy After Hours (1985) as a Monkees-obsessed, beehive-sporting waitress whose cupboards are stacked with cans of hairspray (a touch that Garr herself suggested).

In Miracles (1986), she and Tom Conti played a couple who reassess their relationship when they are kidnapped on the brink of divorce. Further roles included the gentle drama Full Moon in Blue Water (1988) and the crime caper Out Cold (1989), as well as supporting parts in Dumb and Dumber (1994), the Watergate comedy Dick (1999) and Terry Zwigoff’s wry comic-book adaptation Ghost World (2001).

In 2002, Garr announced that she had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Three years later, she published an autobiography, Speedbumps: Flooring It Through Hollywood, which she originally planned to title Does This Wheelchair Make Me Look Fat? In 2006 she suffered a brain aneurysm that inhibited her speech and movement, though she recovered both after months of rehabilitation. Her last film appearances were in two well-liked indie comedy-dramas, Expired and Kabluey (both 2007), made before the aneurysm.

When she expressed her dissatisfaction with the roles that she had been offered, it was sometimes hard to tell if she was being comically self-deprecating. “Directors would tell me, ‘We want you to play a character a little less complex than you are.’ Yeah, sure. What they mean is, ‘You’re playing a dummy.’” No part inhabited by Garr, though, was ever so easily pigeonholed. Her particular talent lay in introducing a sparkling comic complexity far beyond what existed on the page.

She is survived by her daughter, Molly, from her three-year marriage to the actor John O’Neil, which ended in divorce in 1996.

🔔 Teri Garr, actor, born 11 December 1944; died 29 October 2024

Daily inspiration. Discover more photos at Just for Books…?

[grubus]

is there any "what ifs" that you would explore with syonr? like when it's finished, would you write aus of the aus? i've seen some writers do that and i find it so interesting.

yes and no! I have a lot of "what ifs" ideas in my head, but I think there's only one I would ACTUALLY write out? But because I too love aus of aus, let me list a few of them uwu

*clears throat*

What if Shen Yuan had never left Lady Jia? This is the idea I want to write at some point! Would still be BingYuan, with some intense gender fuckery going on <_<

Some others are;

What if Shen Yuan reincarnated as a girl? if you think SQQ is overprotective now, you have seen NOTHING. Binghe would be fighting for his goddamn life. SY would fight for her own dignity, because OBVIOUSLY she has to become a WIFE, but SQQ is weird as fuck about Sweet Girls Under His Protection and the only reason LBH isn't already dead is because SY is frantically wielding her "i'm your widdle baby girl!" powers at SQQ to shield him. There would be no roomie situation. RIP. But NYY would be hyped about having a sister! And SY wouldn't have any trauma from Zhao De, because MF would be like !!!!!!!!!!!! DONT BULLY A GIRL!!!!!!!! which means Zhao De sticks around and focuses his bullying on MF instead. Lovingly. If you guys haven't read "Toxic" by Prim the Amazing yet, well..............

What if Yue Qingyuan managed to take Shen Yuan? This would basically just be PIWD. SQQ would not take it nicely at all, seeing his Qi-ge taking in a mini-SJ and spoiling him rotten. SY would NOT be allowed on Qing Jing at all, but SY is also Binghe-obsessed and Binghe is in turn SY-obsessed. The only reason SQQ would not abuse SY out of pure jealousy and self-hatred is because SY isn't under his control. YQY would be an adoring fool but also SY would probably not feel 100% safe considering he knows that YQY always yields to SQQ in canon... On top of that, SQQ would most likely treat Binghe much like he did in PIWD. There are perhaps a FEW things that would, maybe, make him treat Binghe better out of pure spite but it would take many twists and turns for that. In the end, BingYuan in this would be Romeo and Juliet romance that would end in insane tragedy for all involved and CQM in flames. Unless Binghe manages to run off to Bai Zhan Peak. A big If.

What if Shen Yuan had met *** while at Lady Jia? Well SY would have brought *** with him to CQM instead! Or *** would have helped him escape and then years later............... hmm but that's a different arc.

There's more but :D