#(but only if she was cool for realzies)

[dredshirtroberts]

because i need to talk about a Good Thing for a second and get my mind out of the Negative Spiral, let's talk about how my attempts at managing all my various ailments is going

very specifically just the one where i'm trying to add in a regular, high-content source of both iron and potassium. On the recommendation of a dear mutual, I have begun adding black strap molasses into my day - generally by mixing it with some sort of Sweet Treat, like hot cocoa, or ice cream. Just like a spoonful drizzled on top of ice cream and then the rest of it consumed as quickly as possible out of the bowl of the spoon with the correct ratio of ice cream instead, because it's like chocolate syrup except it tastes not as good.

listen. the fact that i enjoy the taste of it as much as i am really says something to how i'm missing several vital components that it is providing me, cause look. Molasses tastes just ever so slightly always like it smells and it smells like BAD. it's burnt, essentially, and that's like part of the whole thing of it. It's supposed to be like that, or else it's not as full of nutrients or something. I looked it up when I was researching this, i can't be arsed to remember details and shit right now.

it's more hidden in the hot cocoa (especially if you use the actual real amount of hot cocoa mix you're supposed to, instead of like half that like i was doing and it still tasted alright) and as the days cool i'll probably end up doing more and more hot drink based options rather than frozen treat based options.

but all that to say, you know I think it might be working.

Now, admittedly, I did start this most in depth right before and then all throughout my period - which is when I need it the most, honestly so like. A+ timing for that part of it, but maybe a C on the timing as relates to actual data. But! i'm relatively sure my dark circles under my eyes (almost assuredly caused by low iron, which i knew at one point, but like. i'm without more than i'm with so a guy forgets, y'know?) are way less dark than they were about a week, week and a half ago when I started this journey. I don't have evidence of this, because i didn't think to take a before picture specifically, and also all the pictures i've taken of myself today have me wearing really dark under-eye makeup to hide the dark circles on purpose, so like. y'know. grains of salt (necessary for handling my POTS), etc.

like. my period was rough (per my metrics), don't get me wrong. It sucked and it hurt the whole time, and still does because i'm just one day off it, let's not get ahead of ourselves. but like, in other ways it was abnormally smooth? like it was pretty standard, maybe a little more focused in the cramp and full body pain zones, but like, in a way that is anticipateable for me. but like. While i was zonkered as usual i was maybe less zonkered shortly after my potion of make-more-blood (molasses addition to foodstuffs), and like over all kind of in good levels of fatigue? like yes fatigued but not as bad as it's been sometimes.

i'm gonna keep up with it (i am FLYIN through this molasses y'all - 1tbs a day is a lot actually) and see how it does. my dark circles are my main metric for measuring how well my iron levels are doing and i'm gonna be real with you guys, it's been a minute since i've had a noticable difference in the darkness of them and the fact that i feel like there's already a change maybe is something.

as soon as the molassess stops tasting kinda good, i'll know i've figured out my iron levels lol. until then, looks like me and Grandma's Molasses are getting cozy this winter.

[surveillance-0011]

got any Sweezy x Harper hcs?

It’s a very gradual thing and there’s never really a confession it’s just like. Somewhere along the lines they make it official. If there were ever a confession it’d be a major snorplo moment where it’s like “we’ve legit been dating for years now”

they're both stoked tho

I would not be surprised if it's something that happens later in the timeline honestly. if we get swarper for realzies in canon im assuming it's not happening until like. probably later in the sequel. idk if the animated series would be another interquel with all the bounties we didn't see between the game and dlc or more of a retelling of the game orrr??? idk idk??? shrug?? so idk exactly to expect but who knows

maybe they'd only consider themselves together by the time everything w/ Gurgula is said and done and they can actually kind of. truly move the fuck on from everything that's gone down.

Sweezy is actually the more outwardly affectionate one. Also a lot more flirtatious. Likes to see Harper get all mushy and flustered. Harper is a bit on a stoic+awkward side and a little hesitant to get so close to her bc she’s still getting used to being close to people without them. Yknow. (COMIC SPOILERS KIND OF FOR THOSE WHO HAVENT READ IT YET SORGY) Dying getting their memory wiped turning out to be evil etc etc etc

Sweezy too to an extent. I think even though she is very like “hiii babe hugs and kisses love youuu” she is also a bit scared what the future holds and doesn’t want to let her guard down entirely just yet. She’s not very vulnerable and it does take a while for the two to have their more serious chats on what they are how they feel anything super deep etc etc

Though of course I say this relative to their personalities. Harper is pretty sweet and sweezy is still sweezy. Sweezy does still tease her and during tougher patches she can be, well, tough. Meanwhile Harper is usually looking on the bright side and whatnot.

I don’t think they argue much but there’s playful bickering and I’m sure sometimes the tension from bounty hunting boils over a lil ..

When they do fight they take some time to themselves then talk it out and usually get a little treat. There has been one (1) tearful apology. At least

I also do feel like they'd be the sort to be more lowkey about things anyway. sometimes Harper wishes she had an easier time showing her appreciation and love but in general there's not a lot of pressure to act a certain way or whatever

Sweezy fell first for sure. harper probably fell harder but i feel like she'd not pin it for what it is at first,, "wow im so glad sweezy is such a good friend :) idk why my heart is racing rn"

Harper was from a relatively well off family, cozily middle class. Sweezy was from a working class family. there have been some "no harper not everyone can go to a ski resort every winter vacation" moments but mainly harper wishes she still had it to spoil her girl. She likes giving gifts when she can for sure.

though for real she would give sweezy like a thousand cool rocks. she will find a way to give something nice.

Harper does like cuddling but sometimes the gems are a bit pointy. it takes them both a while to get comfy. But it can be their lil ritual

The two certainly have each other's back but neither is overprotective. They're both very capable and one need not try to shield them from the world or anything like that.

I need... antics. Past midnight shenanigans. Getting into trouble havin fun making memories. Please. Please.

sleepovers :3 yes technically atm that's just sleeping on the same shelf or whatever but :3 we can make it happen we can make it work...

Sweezy has a lot of romantic experiences. Many a shitty ex. Played into some of her worries but Harper is a breath of fresh air honestly.

Meanwhile Harper has very little experience and has probably only dipped her nonexistent toes (tip of handle? Barrel? Muzzle?) into the waters of dating with either 1-2 past partners or dates that have never gotten serious. She is very excited but also very nervous and wishes that the people she would have gone to for advice were all still around. And/or of sound mind and body. Yknow. Yknow who I’m talking about :) two or three people in mind here… :) :) :))) but cest la vie

Sweezy is bi and proud bay beeee!! Harper is sapphic and otherwise unlabeled,, bicurious mayhaps,, and a lil shy on the matter... girl pretty... what else is there to say...

Neither really wants to do anything too formal for dates they like doing fun stuff. The bounty hunter has to chaperone/drive/third wheel often NOT LIKE GATLIANS CANT MOVE AROUND IT'S JUST TRICKY 8 TIMES OUTTA 10 but they like to go places like the park arcade aquarium... stuff like that i think...

maybe they'd want to be married someday but either it'd be a small ceremony or getting officiated and then just throwing a reception party and/or and/or never getting technically married but remaining life partners

harper would be into getting married but it would take a while she would be very intimidated by the prospect. sweezy doesn't know if marriage is right for her in general, successful relationship or not.

[mithliya]

when i was in middle school and 'straight', i would literaly think my boy 'Crushes' were ugly, annoying, have no desire to even talk to them, etc... i think I just chose random boys bc my friends would always talk about boys or books i read always had girls obsessing over some boy...

meanwhile i woule obsess over girls in my grades who had a bit of muscle fjejrjf..... like id go omg show your muscle? 😳😳😳 woww so cool can i touch?!! you are soo cool... while still saying " im straight.. duh :/" and id get so annoyed when my friends were like "noo youre definitely not 🤨🤨"

I also have this funny memory of following around this one girl (who only wore 'boy' clothes like im pretty sure she got hers from that aisle, and i thought she was a boy when i first saw her ejebske) like a puppy... idk if we were even friends, she was in my friend Group at the time but i wasnt friends with most people there it was my friends friends... if it makes sense. but id run to her side during gym/P.E. (that class was a nightmare!) and then start talking to her and she was mostly quiet but sometimes she would laugh...!!! I think she mustve thought i was a bit dumb or annoying but 😭😭 precious memory to me.... now i wonder if shes also a lesbian.. i dontgo to school with her (or anyonr) anymore though.. but i keep thinking about her out of nowhere, i wish i got to actually be friends with her

i also did the same with another more 'masc' girl so this was a theme.... i think part of it was me having crushes on them that i did not realzie then.... and the other part was that i ran to the scarier girls (they were scary sjej i was intimidated by them but talked to them anyways) for protection in PE bc there was a lot of mean guys and i Was not very athletic :( and also not scary myself at all, i was really bad at speaking for myself and etc.

SORRY this is long its juet a funny anecdote though. At least i think so i was such...a little loser😭😭😭

HDHDHEucudhwh i didn’t say it out loud bc i thought it was sth we all knew, accepted, but didn’t say out loud so i was like huh crushes are just guys who are ugly but not the most ugly possible! and if u feel uncomfortable then thats a crush too.

with the girls at school i would get nervous and ~admire them~ SO MUCHHH. i remember when i was like 13 this girl in the grade above me was singing “who owns my heart? is it love or is it art?” while dancing around me and i was like 😳… i think some ppl just bought into me pretending but i remember sometimes this guy and his group of friends would pass by me and say “look it’s the indian lesbian” and they’d all laugh and i was like 😭😭😭 why would they say this… im so heterosexual… truly another level of denial.

the story of u following this girl around is so cute 🥺🥺 my school memories were less wholesome. i can think back to some cute moments but mostly i was shy around my crushes and would sit there staring at them sometimes and maybe we’d dance together but like in a more friendly way.. and then by the time i was 14 it just became a nightmare to be at school so i no longer had any cutesy moments 😭 but when i was like 15-16 i moved to the US & met this really pretty girl and she asked in class where the busses are and i was like I CAN TAKE YOU!!!!! and after that she’d be nice to me and smile at me often. one time in PE she asked “do you have an Instagram? i love looking at pretty girls” or sth and i was like “😳 no i don’t have a phone” and she tried to press for sth else and i was so flustered i just blew it. truly my top 10 regrets to this day but i was too shy and hopeless. i found out years later that she’s bi bc she publicly had several gfs

[mint-is-here]

SO S4 THOUGHTS:

"Theres nothing mindless about me, friend." HE STILL SOUNDS NOT LIKE MK KBUT THAT LINE IS SICK

mk is going to kill azure this way i sw- oh wait he does i think

OOOOOHHHHH

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I AM NORMAL I AM NORMAL I AM NOR-

FLOWER FRUIT MOUNTAIN NOOO

AZURE NOOO I STRONLGY DISLIKE YOU BUT NOO

this show is going to give me trauma ove rthe color light blue i swear-

i already have it with neon green(dsmp) i dont need to have it with a colro i actually like;-;

BAI HEEEEE

WE LOVE YOU BAI HE

also NOT PIGSY'S NOODLE SHOP

did she want to visit the shop??? but they were jsut gone and now hes alone???

CHANG'E MY GIRLLLL

i once drew fanart of her but i dont like it anymore

'after all, you were always the most cowardly of the bunch" YEAH TELL THEM

also it was only recenlty that i reazied that peng uses they them pronouns?? i just assumed they used he him but only during the special that i realzied that wukong uses exclusevly they them to reffer to peng so yay

omg his face

just

its so goofy i love it

pigsy and sandy bein the moral support of th group i

WUKONG PUT AZURE IN THE UNDERWORLD???? OOOO BOY

WAIT IS THIS THE THING FOR THE TRAITOR GUY

NEZAH YOU CRAZY MAN DONT

'dont worry wukong, i got this! maybe...' yeah hes doing it

i love pigsy and mks face in this

UHM

WHAT IS THAT

like i said, this show is going to give me trauma with the colroblue

"i will protect it but that'll have to do ""ah yeah becuase that worked so well in the past" wukong, buddy, pal, you literally THREW the samadhi ring in a random place and never worried about it again, you have no plae ot judge nezha

"uh, monkey king, we have to have a serious conversation about your idea of 'fun'" NO BUT LIKE I HAD AN IDEA REALTED TO TRIPITAKA AND WUKONG'S IDEA OF FUN AND IT JUST REMEMDED ME OF IT AND I LOVE IT BECAUSE ITS FITTING

he has a tlittle hearttt<3

"WAIT SUN SCREEN NEEDS TO ABSORBBB-" okay i love the whole parental wukong thing, i really do, but he gives cool uncle energy that has to babysit his nephew sometimes and keeps losing the child hes supposed to look after and panics

I have no idea waht those guys at the end exacly are an it scares me

GUESS WHOS FIANLYY FNISHING SEASON FOUR

is season 5 almsot releasing? yes but that doenst matter MK LOOKS SO SMALLL

and just how his voice sounder ugh

sounded so much unlike him i love it

ive seen that scene like ten times already and its just so good

[bookishbea]

Black Friday Reaction

Okay so I’ll be live tweeting Black Friday but none of it will have any sense to it but it’ll just be my reactions

1. The Paul thing is really bothering me

2. I really love the mention of the other characters

3. If Jane is mention is the story about the mom mentioned some more

4. Is the delivery man ted (cause he’s also a sleazeball

5. It’s weird seeing Cory not play a pure bean

6. I love California MIA

7. The little sister (Im sorry I’m bad at names) I self project as autistic and she something else idk

8. Did anyone else noticed Robert’s Australian accent come out?

9. Like I said this is out of order so yeah but I personally think the second song in the show was very shocking as I’m not used to very serious starkid songs

10. When Robert gestures smoking i think its lowkey a refrence to the smoke club

11. I have a crush on lex

12. I love Lauren’s charecter so much

13. I love the name linda becuase it could be like a karen without using that name

14. Not to get poltical but i choose to belive they made an antivax joke

15. Also the marvel nerd in me loves the name becky barnes

16. I know its probaly not on purpose but joeys charecters costume in line looks like the homeless guy’s one

17. Jaimey is great as always

18. The conversation is so cringe i love it

19. I kinda hope torture porn is a fanfic refrence (i know most people would want me to say spies are forever but nope)

20. I love Lauren but shouldnt her accent be included when she sings

21. I love Jeff’s reaction

22. I may get some hate for this but what was bothering me in tgwdlm and i notice in starkid is lack of fan comments in the captions

23. As a theatre fan i love the toy zone song (i am not sure if thats the right name) espcially the do wop becuase it reminds me of older musicals

24. Also since i watched tgwdlm and black friday a day apart its weird to come from songs happening because they are infected to songs happening cause its a musical

25. i love the love the line we are not relaibly to anyone who dies becuase they clearly show in the trailer that someone will die (this is not a spoiler if you watch the trailer for Black Friday)

26. I love Corey but when he dances i notice a bulge (i am not a perv he makes it very obvious)

27. So i rewinded it to make sure i wanst going crazy and realized something as lex says the pepper spray line. She would be good as janis ian

28. I love the touch money part its so cute even if its not supposed to be

29. Jaime plays a perv really well

30. I love Jon’s charecter its hilarious

31. Also i love jon and lauren interactions so it was cool seeing them together not as paul and emma

32. I love seeing more of Jon because although hes reaally good at playing paul paul doesnt have any flavor and its cool seeing jon do something diffrent

33. Jeff’s fuck you

34. Okay I was right it was the homeless guy and i bet the money is paul’s money

35. And this is not a sterotpye as i am jewish myself but i bet Laurens charecter is jewish

36. Its sad that the price thing is true

37. So i am a theatre fan and do not watch got but that music kinda reminds me of got

38. Cant tell if jeff’s charecter is gay and a perv or just a perv (i realzie this could be mmisinterpreted as homophobic i just mean to say that jamie’s charecter just seems like a full out perv where as i cant tell with jeff’s)

39. Obviously you shouldnt be that insane but i do like the lines about how you are in charge of life and dont care about what others think. its goood life advice

39. Looks like Paul’s boss got his wish

40. They are all idiots for holding up the doll when everyone wants to get it

41. Corey’s charecter is like shit, money isnt that imporant

42. Becky why are you a part of this you have moral high ground (yes i am ignorning the fact that cast usually join in dance numbers even if their charecter isnt a part of it)

43. Shouldnt tom get ptsd (see above)

44. Lex you already have one (see above)

45. So i may be overthinking things but how curt says never should settle is in the tune of spies are forever

46. Is it just me or did anyone else notice when the security guard comes in the tune of show me your hands comes in

47. I dont know why but i do love soft bullies because hes like hey im punching you but only for the kid

48. Some may say its schizo or something hannah has but its anxiery or something from how shes expressing it

49. I feel like hannah has a superpower and can tell whats happening

50. Maybe webby is actually wiggly

51. Baby (both hannah and robert)

52. Please tell me my babies not dead

53. Jon’s eee is adorable and silly

54. Wait hes alive

55. Wait no hes dead, im sad liek starkid is supposed to be fun and happy this is the darkest star kid yet. Even oregon deaths were silly

56. I love starkid but this is making me anxious i cant tell if its good anxious or bad anxious

57. Also i relate to the black and white thing not fully but liek whenever i dont feel well sometimes my brain is overstimulating but only in my head its very hard to explain 

58. Also i think sometimes kids on the spectrum and im not an expert but i do have it kind of make a friend in their head and i do that too sometimes just to give me advice

59. Also i hope they dont get rid of the black and white as sometimes people go more crazy without the figurative voice in their head

60. Like i said this is going to be random order so i like that emma adopted paul;s Okay and no im not making a tfios refrence

61. Poor Tim

62. Poor becky but even less

63. i thought they were supposed to be mad at g-d but in this and tgwdlm they like g-d

64. I cant tell the other pins on joey’s jacket but the first two i notice are mr wiggly and paul

65. I love Lauren’s acting you can see the very sublte sadness in her

66. Lauren and Joey together ahhhh

67. I know its probaly not a big deal but they should give a seziure warning before the tv scene

68. Did they reuse curts spies are forever outfit

69. Really starkid the obama refrence seriously, i cant tell if im mad or laughing 

70. How did Bob get one

71. I do realize they are talking irl but i cant help but wonder if the nazis were a spies are forever refrence

72. Does wiggly have a special power or something 

73. I think its similar to the metero the closer you are the more power it has over you

74. The starkid special effects we all know and love

75. Also is that mcnamara

76. Also maybe shooting it (the doll) does the same thing that shooting the affceted does. Give them no power

77. I cant tell what the music reminds me of exactly but the tune does kinda refrence a diffrent star kid song

78. Jeff looks so proud of himself for the peeps line

79. I love the purposeful i presume reuse of lines

80. Is peip like men in black

81. Also hatchetfield kind of reminds me of night vale

82. Is the black and white like the upside down?

83. I wonder if the point was purposeful since someone was filming or just choreographed

84. Yes Jon Singing!!!!!

85. I love the act two opener

86. Did his parents really name him christmas?!?

87. Oh hes literally related to santa

88. I love lauren and joey as eleves

89. Noel another christmas name

90. Isnt the little dance move like a genie move or something

91. Its so cute that she insitincitvely went to their seats

92. Also carving is goals

93. Even though its a penis its still goals

94. I know what you are, say it, santa clause

95. Tom dont yell at your girl

96. Poor Tom

97. But also dont make this about you

98. They probaly werent the head of the school since they were nice, i am sorry but thats true

99. Yass girl fight his ass

100. Also the theatre kid in me is picturing all that jazz

101. he ran into my knife he ran into my knife ten times

102. Yes Becky’s husband (i forget the name sue me) is bad but i feel like becky is more sinister then we realize

103. Becky’s line even if it isnt meant to be is so funny

104. The girl who plays Becky could play Barbara

105. I love how Joey and Lauren look into the camera

106. Jamie saying santa awww such a pure bean

107. The person in the wiggly onsie is goals

108. Matrix glasses for the win

109. Is wilbur a refrence to Charelots Web?

110. Its a cult a cult of wiggly

111. I feel like Sherman young is around 30-40

112. I love how its mommy to sound less pervy

113. Oh wait never mind Linda is mom

114. Shit thats fucked up they killed him

115. I am right a jew no non jew says mensch

116. To quote jared klienman kinky (shoe kiss scene)

117. Also i love this song the adore song

118. Why does them picking up Lauren give me Draco vibes

119. Wait he isnt dead?? im so confused

120. Wait he is dead???

121. Also ethan is creepy now

122. But Roberts expressions are goals

123. Robert your proffesor hidgens is showing

124. What the how does he know her name

125. Savage Wiggly

126. Wiggly is more funny than scary

127. But my poor baby dont be scared

128. What the fuck tom

129. Also poor baby number two

130. At first you think becky is made about him hurting a child but no its about the doll

131. What the fuck Becky

132. Also I wonder if thats the same serum that Hidgens used

133. Tom yelling at the audince is hilarious

134. Also Becky singing is giving me little shop vibes

135. Becky are you drunk or something you so stupid

136. But yayy my baby doesnt get hurt

137. More starkid special effects

138. Also the lighting nod to tgwdlm

139. Also why did they take my baby (see i told you random)

140. So the perv is wiggly

141. Also if he can appear in regular formation on earth why does he need to be the doll

142. Oh wait never mind he explains it

143. Joey talking to the audience and making them hold the apple is goals

144. I love Joey’s song

145. MIA = Missing in Action = Made in America

146. Wait im wrong Joey cant be Wiggly unless he has super powers he cant be in two places at once

147. I know they dont mean sex but still wtf

148. Lauren looks so done i cant

149. Seziure warning after mr presidnet leaves the black and white

150. Unless it was purposeful they should have hidden the dolls better backstage

151. Wait didnt hannah say something about two doors earlier?

152. Seriously Sherman ponies

153. I love the going back line

154. My poor baby lex

155. No Lex dont die not you too

156. Haha throwback to tgwdlm

157. Yes baby you got the gun

158. Also die perv die

159. Eagle screeching is goals

160. Yes lex use that logic

161. Also it makes sense only the adults can be brainwashed

162. There were only adults no children, scary (not sarcastic i promise)

163. Seriously starkid Fortnight

164. Thats why you should never fully grow up

165. Woah what Lex says is deep

166. Yessss Tom

167. Wait Tom dont hold the gun

168. Wait is Charolette alive or just a reuse of costume, if so why would they have jaimie wear it

169. No dont take her magic hat

170. Haha stupid hats cant be magic only dolls obviously

171. Does lauren say something like fucking knife in another show too?

172. Lauren screaming gives me my father will hear about this vibes

173. Also give my baby her hat back

174. Yass Lauren get it girl (i do realize shes playing the villian but still)

175. Yass Robert get it

176. Even though shes a viilain i dont like seeing Lauren get killed

177. But also how did they get the bullet wound on her so quick im impressed

178. Haha the way Gary stops everything to talk to gerald is goals

179. Like hes like oh shit money

180. And then hes like oh wait i have to pretend to care

181. I love how exagerated their dying is

182. Thats an impressive quick change

183. Yess Emma Hidgens

184. But also no hell fuck up again

185. Also Paul interupting is goals

186. Haha hannah you go girl

187. First off I love the song

188. Song off Hannah’s voice

189. Is paul scared normal or because of the hive

190. Wait all the tgwdlm charecters are back like nothing happened im confused

191. Haha the Hatchfield band is back

[darkhymns-fic]

Voiceless

The Chosen's journey continues on, but Colette is still determined to save Lloyd from his fate.

It's getting much harder to find a solution.

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia Characters/Pairing: Lloyd Irving/Colette Brunel, Genis Sage, Raine Sage, Sheena Fujibayashi Rating: G Mirror Link: AO3 Notes: A gift fic that was written for @frayed-symphony​ for Christmas! Last year I wrote about her concept of Lloyd as the Chosen, and decided to continue it! This is much longer, so only the first chapter will be on tumblr with the rest on AO3. I very much enjoyed writing this and am hoping to keep going with this in another story someday!

--

At Hima, Colette noticed that the night was quieter than others before it. The reason for it hung in the air, cold and heavy. It stayed ever present, just like the long, heavenly structure that divided the night sky. Clouds floated around it like shrouds, floated around them as well. For this was one of the highest points in the world, lifting them away from everything below.

Even so, it wasn’t long before she heard someone travel up the path to the cliff.

“It’s getting late now,” Professor Sage had called out. Colette turned, seeing the warmth of the inn’s fireplace flush her teacher’s cheeks. The moon shone brighter at this mountain village, making ripples across the Professor’s silver hair. A noticeable pause, then that tone that would always usher children back into the classroom. “It would be good to rest up for the night. We have a long day tomorrow."

Colette, obedient to fault, started to nod, soon getting up from her comfortable seat on the ground. “If that’s…”

But she was stopped when she heard Lloyd shift to her side. She remembered. “Ah! Sorry, sorry,” she said, sitting back down and shuffling a bit near him, offering her hand. “Go ahead.”

She didn’t have to imagine Raine’s frown. Her tone said it all. “You two now…”

But Lloyd, his coat a bright white that painted itself against the night’s shadows, only smiled at her like he always did. He took her hand in both of his own, already tracing a familiar word against her palm.

‘Dork.’

Colette pouted. “Heey…”

But his words continued, tracing more against her palm. Lloyd told her, ‘I wanna stay here.’

At least…she thought that was what he told her? She could easily read the dork comment, for he traced that word all the time! But when it came to more complicated sentences, she didn’t always understand Lloyd’s broad, sometimes too rapid strokes. But she was learning, she must have been learning if she could translate his motions from before. If she could sometimes think she heard him even.

She needed to, ever since Lloyd lost his voice.

“Um, Professor? Would it be okay if I stayed up with Lloyd?” She turned to her teacher, knowing her tone was pleading. “Just for a little while?”

Raine didn’t look too pleased. Maybe she was already suspecting, yet it had been too difficult to keep away from Lloyd’s side for the past few months. Always a soft hush to walk further off to the glade, or taking a corner for themselves when settling down for rest at their camps. Colette couldn’t stay away, not ever since she knew – and not even before it, too.

Raine knew this, and perhaps that was why she conceded so easily.

“Not too late,” she simply said, walking back down the path. The wind was blowing harshly at her robes, but she went on ahead, only looking back at her two pupils with concern. “Just remember, Colette. A protector needs her rest still.”

Colette bit her lip, then nodded. “Yeah… of course.”

All throughout, she felt Lloyd’s hand on hers, the way he tightened their grip, just a bit.

--

.

.

.

It was a surprise to most that the ones who would save the world consisted of a group of children and their schoolteacher.

No one they had met expected the Chosen’s group to be such as that – but Colette could see how some seemed comforted however at Lloyd, despite his young age. For, after all, he carried his weapons openly, and many were impressed that he could use two swords even! A few adults had marveled at it, and even the local children had asked Lloyd to showcase his swordsmanship. Of course, he didn’t waste any opportunities to show off what he knew!

“I call this one Double Demon Fang!” Lloyd said with excitement to the kids gathered around their savior, some even curiously pulling at the long white strips from his collar, which he didn’t seem to mind. They were at the port city of Palmacosta, the waves continually crashing against the quay, the breeze from the sea continually ruffling Lloyd’s hair.

Much of the plaza was clear by sunset, and Colette had wanted to join Lloyd along for the performance he was giving. She stood to the side, one hand always absently going to her necklace. She only wanted to make sure it would still be there, that was all.

“That’s so cool!” shouted one small boy, looking up at Lloyd with wide eyes as he performed the technique on a wooden dummy meant for the soldiers’ training. “Can only the Chosen do that?”

Lloyd sheathed both swords, but not before doing a cool flourish with them, which included flipping them both into the air before catching them just in time. Colette had given a little gasp at the spectacle, along with the kids – even though she had seen Lloyd do it plenty of times herself after they battled with monsters.

“Nah, you don’t need to be a Chosen,” Lloyd explained. “You just need two swords! But it has to be two!” A pause. “Well, I guess you can do it with just one… but it wouldn’t be nearly as powerful for sure!”

“Yeah! Lloyd does it all the time,” Colette piped in, then pressed a hand against her mouth. “Uh, whoops! I meant the Chosen does it all the time. Sorry.”

“Colette, it’s fine…”

Still, even as Lloyd showed off his prowess, the sun setting below the ocean’s horizon, painting orange against the cobblestoned streets, there were those that questioned.

“Does the Chosen not have need a bodyguard?” one man had asked, coming up to both Lloyd and Colette after the children had dispersed to their homes. He had the looks of a merchant, carrying a crate full of fruit on his way home.

“Huh? I have one though,” Lloyd said, confused. With both hands on his hips, he stood up straight, his next words holding a proud tone in them. “Colette has been my protector on this journey!”

“I’m sorry, who?”

“Her! She’s right there!” Lloyd then proceeded to wave at Colette who had kindly tried not to interrupt their conversation. “Hey! Colette!”

Colette nearly stumbled at the mention of her name. “U-uh?” She had been so caught up playing with the necklace in her hands – the perfect circle it had been shaped into, the glow of the red jewel in the center, the engravings around its edge – that hearing Lloyd call out to her so suddenly had nearly made her jump. “What is it, Lloyd?”

“This guy really wants to meet you!” Lloyd was shouting ecstatically. The man next to him merely blinked at Colette, shifting the crate more comfortably in his arms. “He wanted to meet my bodyguard!”

“Oh! Right, sorry! That’s me!” She gave a wave to the man (he seemed so confused. Maybe he was lost?), until she realzied it was probably rude to just wave and started walking up to them. On the way, she then decided to brush down her dress - the same dress she would usually wear to the schoolhouse back in Iselia (she had never been sure what to change it to). It was all dusty from their traveling. “Hi! My name’s Colette, and I’m his-”

Then the tip of her boot hit against the edge of a slightly upturned cobblestone. She was already flying straight for the man and his box of fruit, even as Lloyd tried to reach out to save her.

Strange that someone needed to save their protector, she thought before she collided into her fate.

--

Afterwards, her dress had a fair share more than just dirt on the fabric.

“I messed up, Lloyd… Sorry…”

“It’s fine. I mean, I don’t think you made him drop all of the fruit!” Lloyd tried to smile helpfully, still occasionally brushing off a piece of sticky fruit from her shoulder. (One time he had pulled off the half-smashed remains of a tomato and immediately flung it over the dock walls and into the sea). “You just kinda ran a bit fast…”

“I know,” she said. “I didn’t seem very impressive…” She thought again to Lloyd performing his techniques in front of the children, looking more excited than he had been in weeks. She looked back down at herself, her dress so plain and her own weapons hidden from other eyes. “But… I’ll keep trying though. I’ll train harder so I can be worthy of protecting you!”

She realized that they had somehow gone past the inn and ended up near the docks, the sea breeze a little stronger here, enough so that she could taste the salt in the air. Lloyd had directed his gaze up to the sky that had finally grown dark, the stars coming out in all their familiar patterns.

“Hey, Colette…” he started to ask, still looking up. “Does the wind feel nice?”

She almost started to question him at first, but she was beginning to learn fast now. She saw the wind once again ruffle his hair, shifting away the collar of his white jacket. If she looked hard enough, she could catch the gleam of his Cruxis Crystal, the red surface of it nearly matching her pendant. He always tried his very best to hide it, buttoning it up until nothing could be seen. But his swordplay in the plaza must have loosened the buttons.

Colette turned back to the sea, the brine so strong on her tongue, the wind rushing against her neck. “Yeah, it does.” Her finger absently twirled the golden chain, watching the pendant bounce from the motions. Through all these months, through all the fighting and the traveling, the chain had not broken once. “It’s really strong too…Not like at the wind seal. It’s not strong enough to knock me over… Well, maybe, hehe.”

Lloyd didn’t turn to her, but she heard him give a soft chuckle, one that made her feel warm, despite the wind.

“Did dinner earlier taste okay?”

Though she knew that Lloyd wanted honesty, she still felt bad about what she would say next. “Um…it was unique!” she finally settled on, unable to resist a frown from forming. “Since Professor Sage insisted on cooking.”

Another chuckle. “I felt really bad for you and Genis. That stuff looked… brutal.” It was then he wrenched his gaze from the sky to gaze down at her. He smiled, but she could see the sadness in it, despite how harsh the wind blew.

Lloyd could still not feel or taste. And she knew that later tonight, he would not even be able to sleep. But maybe hearing the waves from his window at the inn, and seeing the stars shine over the ocean’s surface, would be comforting?

She shyly reached for his hand, twining their fingers together, gripping hard as if hoping her mere desperation would be enough. That maybe something would reach him through what the trials had done to him, from those that had granted him wings that blended with the morning skies while robbing him of dreams and sensations.

She held him so hard, that her own hand started to ache.

“Colette?” He noted her silence, the strange look in her eyes. She felt his own hand hold her back – had he felt it? Or had it just been because he saw her reach out for him?

“I’m sorry… I also promised… that we would find a way that you wouldn’t…” She trailed to a stop, worried that she was ruining things again for Lloyd. What protector was she? To let this keep happening to Lloyd? To keep going towards something terrible? “Maybe at Lake Umacy with that unicorn… or maybe that kind assassin might know something…”

She heard Lloyd sigh. “You mean that girl that was trying to kill me?”

“I don’t think she was!” she argued back. “She had such kind eyes. Didn’t you notice?”

“Not really. She was too far off while you were busy fighting her, remember?” He grinned. “See? You’re already pretty good at protecting me! Even from assassins who you want to be friends with for some reason.”

“Well, you’re the one that saw her play with those kids in Luin! So you know she must be nice!”

“Heh, yeah, I guess you’re right.” His own voice trailed away, stolen from the sea breeze. Again, she caught the gleam of his Crystal before she realized he had moved in closer.

“Can you tell me how this feels?” he asked, softer, lighter before he bent down to kiss her.

Again, she wished she had the courage months back to give him this, before the power of the angels numbed his lips. But she was selfish still, pressing against him, tasting the salt on his own tongue. If he could not taste it, she would do it for him.

Even after they separated, both stayed close, his breath rushing against her mouth. A moment passed before she remembered what he had asked.

“That felt warm,” she said, letting one hand lay against his chest, tracing the church symbol that lined its surface. Dirk had gotten it down exactly, denoting whoever wore this to be the savior of Sylvarant. “And really soft… really nice…”

His laugh was so low, she thought she could feel it echo within her limbs. “You’re making it sound like I know what I’m doing.”

Colette smiled back, looking up at him, at how the stars framed around his features. “Maybe it just means you’re getting better!”

More laughter from them both, hands still clasped, the wind still rushing through. It was something that she had only dreamed about before – even as the unease from everything else still seeped through.

It had been months of traveling, ever since Colette had left her town of Iselia to follow her best friend. Months of watching him take a pain that only he was allowed to shoulder, watching him refuse everything on his plate, watching him sit much too near a campfire that Colette had to warn him to sit further back. But even with the months, everything was passing much too quickly, and still they had not found an answer.

They had not found a way for Lloyd to live at the end of his journey while still saving Sylvarant.

The feel of him near, his warmth combined with the chill of the wind, his taste combined with the salt from the sea – at least she could experience this for him. But one day, you can feel this too, she promised. I’ll find a way that you can be human again, Lloyd. And then we can go back home to Iselia together.

For if she didn’t promise that, then what kind of protector would she be?

--

Yet even then, with all of her promises, all of her resolve to train harder, to better watch out for Lloyd as enemies struck against them, to always lend a hand when she saw him summon his wings, their span as wide as the grief in her heart when she saw the discomfort it caused him – it had only happened again.

At the Tower of Mana, Lloyd then lost his voice.

The stairs had been much too numerous to climb, already making both their legs and their spirits tire, but for a while, it had only been the two of them, rushing forward while everyone held the doors opens with ancient mechanisms. Exploring the tower with its strange mirrors, its bridges of light, its books that Lloyd said made his head hurt from even trying to read them. For a while, it just seemed like a small adventure for them, all until they joined with the rest and finally made it to the very top for the fourth seal.

And then Lloyd had fell, and Colette clung to him, closely, closely, never wanting to let go. He had looked at her as the others gathered around in worry, but she had already known when he had fallen and not even a groan left his throat.

Lloyd had not taken this next loss of himself very well.

It was hazy; the rush to make camp for the night, Lloyd finally leaving her arms, hand continually going to his throat, only to flinch when his fingers brushed against the Crystal. “Do you want to go on a walk?” she had asked him later on, seeing him well enough to stand, but he had only shaken his head, mouth open to say something – then realizing he could not. He would then turn away.

Sheena had finally joined their group by then. Colette felt her eyes watching as Lloyd further went to a side of the camp, eyes fixed ahead. “This is what a Chosen has to go through?” she had said, and Colette thought she saw something fleeting in her eyes, but it scurried away like a frightened animal before she could question it. “How does this world have so much suffering? There has to be some way to stop it besides…this.”

And Colette could hear the tone that Sheena uttered, a resolve that made Colette question so much of herself.

What kind of protector could she be to Lloyd if she couldn’t have such resolve herself?

She put away her weapons by the packs, the chakrams glinting burnished gold from the campfire’s light, and once again tried to be at Lloyd’s side. He had not been as feverish feeling as with the other seals, but his skin was still pale from the shock of it all. She saw how occasionally his hand would reach up to his throat, only to flinch when his fingers would brush against the crystal.

Her foot stepped over the grass, finding twigs in their wake. Lloyd turned, the white strips hanging from his collar whipping around him.

“Ah, s-sorry, I know you wanted to be alone, just…” She fiddled with her thumbs before finally stepping towards him more, her voice drying up at her nervousness. But, how thoughtless it was to think that with what Lloyd had just been through… “I just…um…”

She felt a pat on her shoulder, Lloyd somehow able to smile at her, despite everything. He opened his mouth and she could somehow already tell what he meant to say. ‘I’m fine now. Don’t worry about it!’ Apparently, Lloyd thought he had been about to say the same thing – but nothing would come out, even as he tried to clear his throat, as if he had just swallowed something and it was stuck.

“Oh, does it hurt though?” she asked, remembering. “With how it…”

Lloyd could answer easier this way. He just shook his head, but then gave a small shrug, his smile now a bit more strained, a bit more tired.

‘It doesn’t hurt, but, nothing hurts now.’

Again, nothing she could hear, yet she felt those words echo inside her. She must have really wanted to hear him.

“Maybe…we can find a way around this,” she said offhandedly. “Just for a little while. You can still talk to us. Is that… why you’re over here?”

Lloyd looked to the side, and then shrugged again. She recognized this side of him - a side of him when he wasn’t as happy as he was that day at Palmacosta. There were times, even back at Iselia, when Lloyd would be so somber and barely utter much words at all. And now, as he was losing pieces of humanity, Colette couldn’t blame him for his retreat.

Still, she reached for his hand, urging him to look at her again. “Lloyd, I have an idea. Do you wanna listen?”

Lloyd blinked, but he looked at her, his curiosity obvious, so much so that she could hear the words, ‘What is it?’ from him.

She grinned, feeling a bit proud of herself for coming up with this idea. “Let’s ask Genis! He’ll know what to do!”

--

“Guys,” said the young elf, seated on a log as once again Raine insisted on cooking (but this time Sheena trying to buffer her efforts by intervening with her own suggestions). “I’m not sure why you came to me for this. I literally don’t know what to do.”

“Oh no…” Colette said with a sad air, then sighed. “I’m sorry again, Lloyd. I messed up.”

Lloyd waved away her apologies, but kept his gaze to Genis, frowning slightly.

“What?”

With a roll of his eyes, Lloyd tapped against the side of his head, then pointed towards Genis, still with a frown.

“Agh, are you trying to say I’m not smart? Even the smartest people would have trouble with this!”

“Maybe if we all put our heads together, we can figure out how best Lloyd can talk to us!” Colette had to find that resolve again, and she would make sure that Lloyd could still find some happiness, no matter how grim the situation. “Oh! Lloyd, maybe you could write to us!”

Lloyd blinked, which just prompted Colette to excitedly explain.

 “You know! It can be like the notes we’d pass each other in class!” she said, clapping her hands. “And we could draw each other little doggies as we write notes…”

“Why would you need to write stuff down, Colette?” interrupted Genis. “You can still talk.”

“Huh? Oh… right, sorry. I forgot!”

Lloyd sighed again. It was the most he could do with the lack of a voice. He shook his head, then tried to use his hands mimic writing something in his palm that must have represented paper…

“Oh, you’re right, Lloyd. We don’t have much paper on hand…” Colette said. With his nod, she knew she had gotten his meaning right. “Maybe if we asked the Professor? She must have plenty of paper!”

Lloyd emphatically shook his head.

“Huh? Why not?”

“It’s because he doesn’t want to give Raine the idea of giving us more homework if we asked her,” Genis offered as explanation.

“Ohh…”

“Anyway, we’re going about this all wrong. I’ll show you how much of a genius I am then, Lloyd.” At this, Genis grinned, crossing his arms proudly. “Heh, you could do something easy like charades for us! You’re good at moving around for that kind of stuff!”

Lloyd frowned at the smug-looking Genis, but Colette gasped in delight. “Oh, I love charades! Every time we talk, we can make a game out of it!”

“I bet I can guess more of his words than you can!” Genis dared, and Colette fiercely rose up to that challenge. She faced her friend, fists clenched in determination.

“No way! I can guess the most!”

Meanwhile, Lloyd stood before them and waved his arms. Though he couldn’t say anything, his expression was plain in his question, ‘Do I really get no say in this?’

Colette turned to him, hearing him (maybe?) but excited that perhaps they had found some way out of this dark cloud. At least for a little while. “Why don’t we try it? Yeah?”

Lloyd may have been voiceless, but she saw the interest in his expression, saw his frown slowly shift into a smile as Colette’s enthusiasm spread to him. ‘I guess I do like charades…’

“Let’s start with something easy. Like…what you want for dinner!” At that Genis winced, remembering. “Ah…right, I meant…”

Lloyd shook his head, then gave a thumbs up. ‘It’s okay!’ Looked like Lloyd did want to try this out!

Soon enough, all three got prepared. Genis straightened up in his seat, while Colette sat next to him, both facing their Chosen friend who was busy thinking up a word, his shoe tapping against the ground. Then it was clear when he had an idea.

With a grin, he held up one finger, then two, then three. Three words total. Colette clenched her fists, concentrating as hard as she could. She would win this!

Lloyd then held up one finger, then tapped his forearm once. Genis automatically noted aloud what that meant. “First word, two syllables.”

“Um…puppy! Is that right?”

Lloyd paused. Genis turned to Colette. “But…we’re talking about what he wants for dinner?”

“Oh, whoops.”

Shaking his head, Lloyd then repeated the motion. One finger up, followed by two short taps on his arm.

“It’s some kind of food… I bet something with protein, I’m sure.” Lloyd grinned and nodded, while Genis laughed. “So, like...chicken?”

Lloyd shook his head.

“Bacon!”

An interested smile, but still a firm headshake.

“Sausage?”

“Why are you guys just shouting food names over there?” Sheena yelled towards them. “Not like Raine here is making anything that sounds edible – OW!”

“Oh, my staff must have slipped out of my hand. My apologies.”

Despite the interruption, the kids kept at their game. Genis thought up hard for another food item “Tofu?”

Lloyd didn’t even shake his head this time. He just made a disgusted expression, tongue out, and visibly winced.

“Hey, that has protein too!”

“Um, cookies?” Colette piped in. “Pastries? Apples? Fruit tart? Oh no, wait, that’s two words…”

“Colette, you’re just naming off desserts!”

Lloyd shook his head even more – which he’d been doing a lot of lately! It was even enough to mess up his hair a little.

“Ugh, we’re trying, Lloyd!” Genis crossed his arms, thinking hard. “First word… two syllables… turkey? Is it a rabbit you want?”

Colette looked at Lloyd with wide eyes. “Why would you want to eat a cute bunny rabbit, Lloyd?”

With a jump, Lloyd still shook his head. Nothing was right!

“Gah, all I know is that you like your beef so much…” Lloyd’s eyes lit up then, looking at Genis with hope. “Wait… is it beef? But that’s just…”

But Lloyd gestured for Genis to continue, patting his arm again twice, with more emphasis on the second tap. “So I got the second syllable… wait, is it roast beef?”

Lloyd grinned, giving Genis a thumbs up. He did it! Colette made sure to give Genis some congratulatory applause – even if she had just lost. But she was happy for her friend. “Way to go, Genis!”

“Wait, but that’s two words, not one! Lloyd, did you have us play charades when you didn’t even get the number of words right?”

Lloyd blinked, looking at the hand placed on his arm from his fervent tapping.

“We spent ten minutes trying to solve that!” Genis growled out.

“Oh?” Colette blinked. “What’s the second word then? And isn’t there supposed to be three in total?”

At that, Lloyd looked a little blank. A hand reached to scratch the back of his head as he smiled shamefacedly.

Genis groaned. “He forgot the rest of what he was going to say.”

--

Afterwards, Colette could only blame herself. The night was getting colder and darker, and everyone was already preparing themselves for bed.

Everyone except Lloyd, who sat on the grass, looking up towards the sky.

It felt so natural to go up to him, to take a seat beside him, even as he made no motion, no indication at all for her to sit. But she felt his eyes flicker towards her, his left hand placed between them both on the ground.

“Maybe…we can try hand signals?” Colette spoke the first idea that came to mind, looking at the grass. “It might be easier than charades.”

Lloyd tilted his head, with a look that told her, ‘I’m not sure about that.’

Something about that look made her smile a little and, instinctively, reach for that hand with both of hers. “We can just make up our own! Like…” She curled his hand into a fist. “That can mean when something we fight is gonna be real tough! As tough as a rock!”

Though Lloyd shook his head, she saw the hint of a smile. It made her confident, made the excitement fill her blood. She kept going.

“And, you can use this signal!” she said as she formed Lloyd’s hand to hold up two fingers. “For when you’re going to fight. It’ll look just like your swords!”

Lloyd was grinning wider, turning more to her as he let her play with his hand like her own little world. He made no hesitance as she manipulated his fingers into what she wanted.

“And maybe… can do this?” She flattened out his hand, palm upward. “When you want to stop, or rest. Yeah!” She raised her head. “See? We can already say three things!”

Though Lloyd still smiled, she saw a curious expression in his eyes. That was when his other hand reached over, taking her own in his. The touch tickled against her palm, made her head brim with a heat that she didn’t want to ever get over.

What he wrote on her hand, it made her giggle even more.

“Lloyd!” she said, happy to find a way through this, happy that she could do this while feeling his touch. “I guess you’re right…” she said, interpreting his strokes. “It really was just rock paper scissors, hehe.”

Lloyd’s smile was the best thing she had ever known, and it didn’t seem to fade this time with the night. Fingers traced over her palm again, their meaning clear – so clear she could have sworn she heard it whispered in her ear.

‘You were right the first time. Writing is the way to go.’

--

.

.

.

At Hima, the world felt so much larger than before. When all she had ever known was Iselia, she felt her eyes open more and more with each step on this journey. Would Lloyd understand that feeling too?

The night was quiet once it was just them again after Professor Sage left. Colette’s gaze was fixed up towards the sky. “Hm…are you still trying to count them all?” she asked as she turned back to Lloyd. He was still holding her hand, fingers laying against her palm.

His eyes were also fixed towards the sky before he turned to her, then to her hand. The same soft tracing that tickled her a little bit, making her giggle. ‘I think that’s impossible… there’s too many!’

“Hm, but what if it was both of us? I counted the stars too for the past few nights. We can just combine what we found!”

A grin and a shaking of his shoulders. She barely had to imagine his soft laughter then. ‘That sounds smart! Okay, what you got?’

Colette, happy to help, looked back up at the sky to quickly calculate where she had left off the other night. “From that star that looks like a cute doggy’s nose, I went all the way to the Tower.” A short pause, a brief reminder of what would happen, but she pushed through. “So about…367!” She had gotten very sleepy on a few instances of her night counting, but she was sure this was the right number.

‘Every star looks like a doggy to you…’

“Not true! It’s a nose so it’s different!”

Still, Lloyd kept grinning. He also raised his head to the sky, Colette watching the way his eyes gently flicked around the length of the expanse. Then another quick tracing – she was getting better at reading him. ‘I got 640. From the doggy nose star to the ocean.’

“So many!” Colette marveled. It was a marvel because she knew how much Lloyd didn’t really like math… and yet he had counted so high. “But which way’s the ocean again? We left Palmacosta a while ago.”

Lloyd blinked. It wasn’t just his writing that she could understand better, it was his body language too. Like the way he shook a little sometimes with a smile, letting her know it was with silent laughter, or the way he would stay still when he was thinking very hard on something. He was thinking hard now, eyes slowly going around them before turning to her. He grinned. She knew what that grin was, smaller than the usual, but not sad, just embarrassed.

‘I can’t remember now… Whoops,’ he wrote down, but Colette was already giggling away before he even finished.

“Lloyd! What if you’ve been recounting the same stars again?”

‘It’s not my fault! They all look the same!’

“But not the doggy nose star,” she stated proudly.

‘You’re right. Not that,’ Lloyd readily agreed, his smile making her feel so content.

Even though he couldn’t laugh with her, she would laugh as much as she could for them both. But eventually, even her laughter faded away with the wind, which only blew stronger the later it got. She shivered, watching the way Lloyd’s hair ruffled with it, pulling at his clothes. The gleam of the Cruxis Crystal twinkled lightly before disappearing again within his collar.

She was careful not to say something thoughtless about the weather, knowing what Lloyd could not feel. Yet in her hand, he asked what she had thought to ask. ‘It’s cold, isn’t it? Did you wanna go inside?’

Colette shook her head. “No, I’m okay. I want… to stay with you.” And something there, in the way she had said it, so thoughtlessly. She had tried so hard to not. But it came and then a wave of emotions flooded her throat. “I want to stay with…”

She tugged at his hands with both of her own, looking at them, at the way their fingers curled around each other so naturally like ivy. “Lloyd…I’m sorry. I’m sorry I haven’t done enough for you.”

His hands remained motionless within hers. But if he still had his voice, she knew he’d remain silent. She was only ruining things now, but she couldn’t help the hot tears that started to overflow. Her hands continued to clutch his, shaking.

“But I – I won’t let it happen.” Her voice cracked, and air was hard to come by, even during the rough cold winds, but she kept going. “I won’t let you die.”

Lloyd’s hands flinched. Despite knowing, despite understanding, neither had ever said it out loud. It was the voiceless threat, always lying in wait. But now that Colette said it, the truth of Lloyd’s fate fully dawned on her. More tears fell. She would cry enough tears for them both.

She worried Lloyd would pull away, but he only clung back to her, tighter. ‘Colette.’ He didn’t write it down for her. But she still knew.

“I promised you that I would help you find another way. And…and I will!” She finally had the strength to raise her head, to look at Lloyd. But his own eyes stayed locked onto their hands. “We don’t… we don’t have to go to there tomorrow.”

Something thoughtless said, but it left her, and it emboldened her suddenly. “We don’t have to go to the Tower,” she said again, to make it true.

Lloyd finally looked at her, confusion plain in his eyes. Again, his hands stayed still, but she couldn’t bear to let the silence continue.

“We can tell the others maybe… and, just say we need more time. Sheena talked about another world. Maybe someone there could help us? Or we can keep figuring things out ourselves! We… we don’t have to go yet.” Colette still felt the tears fall, bowing her head again but still trying to stay strong. A protector needed to stay strong. “I don’t want you to go.”

‘I don’t want to go either.’

She blinked, the warmth of his finger leaving an imprint in her palm. With Colette still in her stunned state, Lloyd once again wrote in her hand. ‘We won’t go tomorrow then.’

“You…you mean it?” Colette asked. She had expected Lloyd to argue, to say it was useless, or maybe say nothing. But his words reverberated in her head, despite never hearing them aloud. “Lloyd…I, I promise I won’t let you down this time! We can- we can find a way to save everyone!” The happiness she felt, and Lloyd’s hands keeping her steady, she suddenly felt so much hope. If Lloyd believed in her…

Then Lloyd motioned for her to get up, still holding to her tight. Colette tilted her head in confusion. “Huh?”

‘Come on, I wanna show you something,’ Lloyd said. Well, wrote. Except he didn’t write anything. She was only imagining it again, because for most of her life, she had always heard Lloyd, always heard this boy that lived in the Church that she could see in the distance, even from her home. And she had always felt sad that Lloyd didn’t seem to have a home in the village, a home where he could play and make those fun crafts he did or draw pictures of animals that she’d want to keep.

But his smile was invigorating, and soon Colette was following him, nearly tripping as she did so. But he caught her, and that was when she saw the wings sprout from his back, the mana from them capturing the stars in their shape.

“You…want to fly?” she asked. Because, ever since that night Lloyd had gotten his wings, he had rarely used them. Not during battle, not even to travel. She knew how much he disliked them. “Why?”

Lloyd only stepped back from her slightly so he could write in her hand again. ‘Flying is only fun with someone else.’ He deemed that to be enough of an explanation as he then pulled her forward to wrap her in his arms, spreading his wings and slowly lifting them into the sky.

“Ah! Lloyd!” Colette clung to him, feeling the ground leave her. It was a familiar feeling – all her trips and stumbles had made her acquainted with the air. But she wasn’t roughly falling to the dirt to get scratches across her knees. She was held aloft by Lloyd, his hold on her so tight, as he started to fly them through the night sky. “Too high up!”

But Lloyd smiled at her, calming her beating heart, if only a little bit. His grin broke through her fear, until she could only mirror it back. Then she was laughing, feeling the wind in her hair as he dove all around the air. So cold! But Lloyd’s arms around her kept her warm.

“Can we go to the doggy nose star?” she asked, arms wrapped around Lloyd’s neck. He answered with a nod, and then another great beat of his wings got them flying toward a part of the sky.

She felt the chain of her necklace whip around her wildly as they flew, the pendant of it still hanging on. But she knew it wouldn’t break. Lloyd had made it for her. And he always made such wonderful things.

They would have to still decide on where to go tomorrow, on what to do. She still saw the Tower of Salvation behind them, like a beacon that was difficult to turn away from. But Lloyd said he would stay by her side. They could figure out what to do together.

Read the rest on AO3!

[lebubblyblogger]

How unlucky can I get???

So here’s what happened during my semester break. 

Today is the 2nd of July, 2022. I am WORKING...Yes, I had 3 weeks break from Uni and I decided to spend those 3 weeks working at my old workplace as a casual worker. You know what this means? not only I get to see my old co-workers, but I also got to see Jason!! I had so many shifts with him actually. We mostly did work and stuff but we still talked a lot and had a good time. On one of our closing shifts, Dean had an idea about a “plan of date” I guess. He recently went to the museum with his wife, he said that it was really fun and he wanted us to go there too. Dean kinda mentioned it a little bit to both of us, sort of hinting that me and Jason should both go. Few minutes later, Dean came up to me and he said that I should “ask him if he wants to go to the museum with you”. I was really scared and nervous, coz everything so far was going well, it wasn’t awkward at all, I was very happy and content to where things are going right now. However, I also wanted to take the chance to hang out with him again. The last time me and Jason hung out was last year, we both went to this asian restaurant, he surprisingly enjoyed it actually...Anyway, it took me a few minutes until I finally decided to ask him. So I did, and to my surprise...HE SAID SUREEEE. I was honestly not expecting that, there was honestly no hesitation to his answer...And at first, not gonna lie, I thought he was just bullshitting.... I thought he didn’t mean to say yes or anything, it almost didn’t seem genuine. I told him a day later that I was free next Tuesday. He said “I’ll see”. At this moment, I was thinking “alright, he’s going to say no...his answer sounds forced...maybe he feels bad??what it he secretly hates me???” all of these thoughts are coming up in my head, I was overthinking a lot....Until yesterday...it was my last shift with him...I was going to say bye, but before I could even mention the plan again...He was the one who brought it up. He said “Are you going now? Is it your last day? I see...well about Tuesday...I will say yes for now unless they gave me an extra shift on that day, but yes, I’ll go with you on Tuesday.” NOW HERE’S WHAT I’M THINKING. If he actually didn’t care, he would just brush off the topic right? or not even mention it...BUT NOOO, HE WAS THE ONE WHO BROUGHT IT UP BEFORE I LEFT! So in my opinion, that alone proves that he is being serious about taking me to the museum - which I’ve never been before....SOO COOOL: TUESDAY, MUSEUM, AFTER 12PM....right?? 

You see, I was super stoked and excited about this. But it all went to shit within 24 hours....

I went to work again today as usual (it was my last day before coming back to Uni). I was telling Dean how excited I was and how I couldn’t wait until Tuesday. After my shift, I said bye to everyone, I went upstairs, checked my phone, went to my sisters texts and saw a photo that she just sent an hour ago. GUESS WHAT? IT WAS A PHOTO OF A POSITIVE COVID RAT TEST. Now idk about the rest of the world, but if someone has covid in my household, every household member has to isolate for a week. So that’s what I need to do. Cool right? get to miss a whole week of Uni. Then I realised....SHIT MY HANG OUT WITH JASON IS IN 3 DAYS!!! I’M GOING TO MISS IT!!! FUCCCKKKK MYYYY LIIIIIFFEEE!!! What is my luck right now? this would have been the perfect opportunity to hang out with him....for realzies...but this stupid virus has to ruin everything for me...AGAAAINN. UGH!! I already messaged Jason about this, he hasn’t replied yet as of now. My isolation period is only for a week though, hopefully I at least have one free day 2 weeks from now, and HOPEEFULY HE IS ALSO FREE. I’m still waiting for him to reply. All I have to do is wait now....Please sweet Jesus let him reply ASAP. 

Anyway gtg now, I’m sleepy af. 

Edit (3rd July, 2022): HE REPLIED!!! He said alg, he won’t be taking any more extra shifts after this week!!! NICEE. Now let’s hope I don’t get the virus 🙏. Alright I’m tired, going to sleep now, see y’all whenever :))

[luckywarner]

🍀LOCKED🍀

[It’s Monday now, meaning ol’ Lucky’s been gone two whole days. Brief synopsis of the things we didn’t see? Not much. There was a good ol’ pizza dinner on Saturday night where Lucky met the other two residents of the house. (Maddox already knew both of them. Lucky didn’t feel like the odd one out at aLL. Totally not.) But yeah, they all seemed to have jokes with each other, and stories of old times, and apparently Jude had lived in the same town as, well, home turf a few years back, and that’s how Maddox knew her. She’d come visit Seattle every so often during Summer months, and that’s how she met London and Mick. Yup. So, here was little Lucky, not knowing people. Yay.

Honestly, he didn’t say much during dinner just because, well, it was hard to get a word in edgewise amongst all these loud af people, but that’s not my business, or Lucky’s. (And it wasn’t like he’d really have much to say anyway.)

As far as Sunday went, again, Lucky didn’t talk to the roommates much, as all of them had jobs, (Yes, even spoiled Jude had a job.), so they weren’t around for most of the day. Maddox just took him out instead. And hey, boy howdy, it was cool to actually be able to walk around in public without the shifty eyes. It was great. Maddox made it a mission to get a bunch of dumb candids of him  just because she could, and so there are probably a million different pictures in her camera roll of him doing random shit. And she really wanted him to look dumb in them so she could make fun of him because she’s an ass, but he doesn’t look stupid in any of them, and I bet she’s made one her lock screen picture. Bet it’s this one even. fuqin nerd. So, yes, they had a day out yesterday. All day. Cute lil date day. Fun.

It’s Monday now, my dude. And maybe Lucky’s had a little bit of a sleep-in, because God knows what time Maddox got him  back to that apartment last night. But now he’s being woken by the sounds of musiC and I’m gonna guess, probably, some singing too.

So, groggy as ever, and rubbing his lil eyes, he’s padding down the hallway to the living room, and he appears to be walking up on some kind of ~jam session~. And, rly, there’s a guitar in his girl’s hand, and it’s got his still half-asleep self confused af. He is addressed almost immediately after walking into the room.]

You finally woke up, sleepy-head~.

Are you playing that? [He’s still kinda not all the way here. He takes a minute to wake up, okay.]

Well… yeah? [Confused face, like it’s not just here for decoration, Lucky.]

Your boy didn’t even know you play?

It’s never come up in conversation. [A shrug.]

I’m shocked you didn’t try to show off.

Maddox Bravo? A show off? You’re thinking of the wrong person, London.

I’m thinking you both should shut up, but maybe that’s just me~.

[Lucky’s starting to wake up now.] So… you can sing… and play?

Yuuuuup. [She says it awkwardly with a short nod. Like she’s being bashful, tbh. What is that about, child?]

Well, if she’s not gonna show off, I’ll do it for her. She’s really good.

He didn’t ask for clarification.

What? Your boyfriend isn’t allowed to know the band dreams?

Band dreams? [He gives a scrunchy eyebrow face between London and Maddox.]

Man, it’s almost like the girl knows your name and nothing else. What’s that about? You ashamed?

I have a name too, you know.

Fuck off, Mick.

Hop off Maddox, guys.

[So, Lucky’s like, super confused, even still after having woken up for realzies, and he feels like he’s just learned a lot more about Maddox in the span of five minutes, and he’s wondering what the Mick girl could’ve meant about being ~ashamed, and all that. And more so… band dreams? Excuse? No, rly, why had she never mentioned this before? But, then again, have either of them ever talked to each other about dreams of the future other than the fact that they would like for it to include each other? Lucky’s having a bit of an existential crisis, because maybe he’s realizing now how little he actually knows about his girl on deep level. Hm. Dilemma.

(But, as we know, don’t get ur panties in a twist. This isn’t meant in a bad way. He’s more upset with himself for never trying. Not like ‘oh man I don’t even know this girl.’, it’s like…. ‘oh man why have I never tried?’, you feel me?) So, how about Lucky says something now, right? Right.]

Well… play something for me then. [He’s gonna sit on the floor in front of the couch Maddox is on.]

What?

I wanna hear you. I think you owe me, since you’ve been keeping it from me all this time.

Uhhh… [She looks between the others, because hey they’d been jamming, why don’t they joIN?? PLEASE? They all take their hands off their instruments and look at him like ‘aLL YOU BUDDY.’] I see how it is… [Eye roll.]

This is for your boy. We don’t need to interrupt.

Alright…

[And though she full-on glares at Jude here, she does, in fact start playing a melody of something that, through the acoustic sounds of guitar, does sound slightly familiar. And here we’re about to have a song from the dang heart, because maybe it was little bit funny; this feeling inside. You get what I’m saying here? Maddox’s not one of those who can easily hide, my friend.

And boy is it hard to hide as she actually starts singing the lyrics to an Elton John song in front of her music friends, all shifty-eyed because heck this is exposing, and she coulda just picked anything, but she’d been practicing the dang thing because boy heckie, the lyrics are everything she dang means, so she only had this one in mind at all.

Lucky update? Slack-jawed, and heart-eyed, misty-eyed as heck. So, as soon as Maddox is singing (with her whole dang self and heart) ‘hooow wonderful liiife is now you’re in the woooorld.’ and she stops with even more shifty eyes, and Lucky’s just looking at her with all the love in the world, danggit, and I’m still a lil upset rn.

The music friends are pretty speechless themselves, tbh, because they probably feLT that one deep down in their own souls. Like, dang. So, rather than comment on the performance, Jude stands from the couch where I presume she was sitting, and she taps both London and Mick as she starts to walk.]

Maybe we should give these two some privacy.

Yeeeeah. Let’s.

[And so the three go, and it’s just my Mucky left alone, and still, Lucky’s said nothing, but is only giving her the look of purest love and adoration. And now that they no longer have company, Maddox is probably giving this tiny lil bashful-esque grin kind of thing. So, now he’s gonna talk.]

You sang Moulin Rouge for me.

Technically I sang Elton John.

But you did it because of the movie.

It’s the only thing I could think of.

It was beautiful.

Well, I meant it.

Meant it?

The words… of the song. I meant it.

I know you did. I could tell. But it’s nice to hear you say it.

You know? I guess I’m just an open book now.

Not quite.

Hm?

Tell me about that band dream~.

Later~. Promise~

[fae-fucker]

The One: Chapter 26-27

Chapter 26

America mopes around at home. Just a couple of things to note:

I didn’t even want [Lucy] serving me, and it seemed she was mostly fine with helping Mom however she could or playing with May.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but there’s something icky about the fact that America accepted people serving her so easily. She’s supposedly someone who’s super poor, I feel like she’d be more squicked out by the idea of having servants, since that’s a rich people thing. Especially considering that Lucy admitted that they’re basically slaves. WHICH YEAH, WHY DID I SUDDENLY FORGET ABOUT THAT. Probably because the book did, but WHAT THE FUCK.

But I guess since America harbors no ill will toward the upper class, because they’re actually all good and precious and can’t help that they’re creating this caste system, she probably thinks that servants are totally cool. Maybe she’s such a NATURAL LEADER that it’s in her nature to have people wiggle around like worms at her feet.

Anyway, because KCass is a hack and TWU WUV can only happen once, we find out that America suddenly thinks that her thing with Aspen wasn’t real love, unlike what she has with Maxon. Which I call bullshit, because she describes her “love” for both exactly the same way. But I guess when your TWU WUV shows up, you realize that all those other times you’ve been in love was actually fake and worthless and terrible. (Sideyes SJM, too.)

You know what pisses me off though? We’ve spent three books with America as she tried to figure out which boy’s dick she wants to sit on the most, only to find out that one of the dicks wasn’t even a real seat in the first place. 

Like, we all knew that Maxon was going to win from the first time we read the blurb, but the fact that Aspen didn’t even mean shit to America herself (not as much as Maxon apparently does anyway) at all makes this whole thing feel even cheaper.

Anyway, America talks to her older sister about the fact that she can’t admit to Aspen that she doesn’t love him anymore, despite also never having loved him for realzies in the first place. Why?

“What if Maxon picks someone else? I can’t walk away from this with nothing. At least if Aspen still thinks there’s a chance, maybe we could try again when everything’s over.”

She stared at me. “You’re using Aspen as a safety net?”

I buried my head in my hands. “I know, I know. It’s awful, isn’t it?”

THIS IS SOMETHING THAT’S A LEGIT CHARACTER FLAW THAT SHOULD BE BROUGHT UP AND EXAMINED AND RESOLVED. NOT SOMETHING YOU THROW IN ALL WILLY-NILLY AT THE END OF THE BOOK. 

HOLY SHIT, KCASS, WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?!

This isn’t anything new, we all know America is a selfish twat, but still. What the actual fuck?

Whatever. The chapter ends with Aspen trying to talk to America about something (the fact that he’s in love with Lucy I bet), but because KCass doesn’t know the concept of having mercy, America nonsensically shuts him up and tells him to fuck off before he can spit out the truth.

Chapter 27

America returns to the castle and all the other Selection girls have a surprise party because Maxon is announcing his engagement tomorrow!

The room exploded with cheers, and I was so confused. Emmica, Ashley, Bariel . . . everyone was here. I hunted, but I knew it was pointless. Marlee wouldn’t be invited to this. 

“This celebration that isn’t meant for me is POINTLESS because my personal dick-sucker isn’t here!” Cry me a fucking river, you selfish little bitch.

Apparently Celeste and Elise were kicked out and only she and Kriss are left. If Maxon really wanted to show America that he’s chosen her, picking her only real rival to stay as the last girl is ... suspicious. Why didn’t he just kick her out too? Oh right, because KCass can’t fucking live without idiotic last-minute drama, so Kriss has to stay for when Maxon and America inevitably break up again so he can pretend he’ll marry her for “tension”. 

SJM (claims that she) lets her characters control the plot and steer it to nonsensical levels of idiocy, KCass forces her characters to do shit that makes no damn sense for the sake of the plot. 

Both exremes are bad, children.

America confronts Kriss about being a rebel (because she’s wearing a dumb star necklace around her neck like an idiot) and acts weirdly pissed about it?

“I haven’t done anything illegal. I’m not mounting protests anywhere; I just support the cause.”

“Fine,” I spat. “But how much of your part in the Selection is you wanting Maxon and how much is your group wanting one of their own on the throne?”

Why the fuck is America being an uppety bitch about this? Her dad, whom she supposedly loves so much, was a rebel. Why the fuck is she suddenly so anti-rebellion? I know she loves to suck rich dick but what the fuck?

Oh wait, is she worried that poor Maxi Pad will be UUUUUSED for POLITICAL REASONS and not marry for TWU WUV. Poor Maxi-Waxy!!! Spare him from this horrible fate!!! 

KCass, what’s wrong with you?

I wanted to tell her that Maxon and I could do great things, too, that we’d probably already done more than she could guess.

Oh, really? Tell me one thing. ONE THING, BITCH, CAN YOU DO IT?!

Besides, she and I had a lot in common. I came here for my family; she came here for a family of sorts.

You came here for your family? Lmao what? Don’t give me that bullshit, America. You were always motivated by men. You came because Aspen rejected you, and any time Maxon rejected you, you wanted to leave.

KCass, don’t try to pull this. I know you didn’t expect someone who can actually think about what they’re reading to read your schlock, but this retroactive motivation patch won’t fool me. 

Should I keep my mouth shut? Should I at least let someone know? Was this even a bad thing?

Well, Kriss is a rebel sympathizer and remember how you refused to sentence one to prison even though he was already sentenced? Or do you not care if it’s a woman and she’s a rival competing for your maaan?

Fuck off.

Kriss also says that she won’t “back down” even if America tries to sell her out or blackmail her, but she’s like ... in no position to make such statements. We know how the rebels are punished. America could tell the king and have Kriss arrested and she’d become the princess because there would be no one left. I’m not saying America would do such a thing (but she obviously considers it), because that would require being proactive and ambitious and we’ve already established that America’s greatest strength is her being a passive doormat, but I’m saying that Kriss is overestimating her power here. 

If there was something real between Maxon and Kriss, any attempt to expose her would look like a desperate last effort to win. And even if that worked, that wasn’t how I wanted to get Maxon.

I wanted him to know I loved him.

It’s all about Maxon. Everything revolves around Maxon. 

Speaking of which, America leaves the party to mope and Maxon comes into her room to suck her dick some more.

“I’m glad I at least got to meet [her dad]. I can see bits of him in you, you know.”

[...]

“Your sense of humor, for one. And your tenacity. When he and I spoke during his visit, he grilled me. It was nerve-racking, but kind of funny at the same time. You’ve never just let me off the hook either.

“Of course, you have his eyes and I think his nose, too. And I can see your optimism beaming out sometimes. He gave me that impression as well.”

Sense of humor?? What sense of humor?? What tenacity?? Optimism?? 

Sense of humor: Where???

Tenacity: *anything goes slightly wrong* OH NO I’VE FAILED BETTER GIVE UP.

Optimism: *boy does something slightly mysterious* OH NO HE DOESN’T LOVE ME ANYMORE!! EVERYTHINS IS RUINED!!

Sure. Uh huh. KCass is just pulling these traits out of her ass at this point.

Anyway, Maxon apparently has bought her family a house. So that’s ... great.

He did this so they could live closer! But??? Why???? What does it all mean!!!! America is still as dumb as ever, I see.

They start making out but because they’re GOOD GOOD CHRISTIAN CHILDREN, we don’t get any dick-in-vag action. 

I was going crazy, wanting so much more of him, aching to know if he’d let me have it.

FEED HER THE LITTLE PRINCE, MAXON. SHE NEEDS IT INSIDE HER.

He doesn’t. Instead, they finally exchange I love yous and:

I wanted to stay up all night with him, to explore this new feeling we’d discovered.

“New”? NEW? BAROLD, ROLL THE CLIP!!

Before long we were tangled together on the dirty, thin rug. Aspen pulled me on top of him, and I brushed his scraggly hair with my fingers, hypnotized by the feel. He kissed me feverishly and hard. I felt his fingers dig into my waist, my back, my hips, my thighs. I was always surprised that he didn’t leave little finger-shaped bruises all over me.

We were cautious, always stopping shy of the things we really wanted. [The Selection, Chapter2]

BUT I GUESS IT WASN’T REAL HORNINESS WHEN YOU WERE WITH ASPEN, RIGHT?! IT WAS ALL JUST A LIE!! ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED WITH ASPEN WAS IN THE MATRIX, THIS IS ALL IN THE REAL WORLD AND YOU AND MAXON ARE CURRENTLY MAKING OUT IN ZION WHILE THERE’S A HUGE RAVE OUTISIDE!!

There’s some noise outside (the rave probably) and Maxon freaks out and tells America that he can’t fuck her right now, because he’s so stressed out.

“Don’t be sad. I want to take you on a proper honeymoon. Someplace warm and private. No duties, no cameras, no guards.” He wrapped his arms around me. “It will be so much better that way. And I can really spoil you.”

[...]

“You can’t spoil me, Maxon. I don’t want anything.”

[...]

“Oh, I know. I don’t intend on giving you things. Well,” he amended, “I do intend on giving you things, but that’s not what I mean. I’m going to love you more than any man has ever loved a woman, more than you ever dreamed you could be loved. I promise you that.”

“I’m gonna dive in your cooch for so long I’ll develop gills, babe.”

I sighed, promising myself that we’d talk about Aspen tomorrow. It would need to happen before the ceremony, and I felt sure I knew how to explain things in the best way. For now, I would enjoy this tiny bubble of peace and rest securely in the arms of the man I loved.

Good fucking night.

[alucywarner]

~♥ PRIVACY PLEASE ♥~

[K, it’s Monday now. Brief synopsis of the things we didn’t see? Not much. There was a good ol’ pizza dinner on Saturday night where Lucy met the other two residents of the house. (Maddox already knew both of them. Lucy didn’t feel like the odd one out at aLL. Totally not.) But yeah, they all seemed to have jokes with each other, and stories of old times, and apparently Jude had lived in the same town as, well, home turf a few years back, and that’s how Maddox knew him. He’d come visit Seattle every so often during Summer months, and that’s how he met Luna and Mick. Yup. So, here was little Lucy, not knowing people. Yay.

Honestly, she didn’t say much during dinner just because, well, it was hard to get a word in edgewise amongst all these loud af people, but that’s not my business, or Lucy’s. (And it wasn’t like she’d really have much to say anyway.)

As far as Sunday went, again, Lucy didn’t talk to the roommates much, as all of them had jobs, (Yes, even spoiled Jude had a job.), so they weren’t around for most of the day. Maddox just took her out instead. And hey, boy howdy, it was cool to actually be able to walk around in public without the shifty eyes. It was great. Maddox made it a mission to get a bunch of dumb candids of her just because he could, and so there are probably a million different pictures in his camera roll of her doing random shit. And he really wanted her to look dumb in them so he could make fun of her because he’s an ass, but she doesn’t look stupid in any of them, and I bet he’s made one his lock screen picture. Bet it’s this one even. fuqin nerd. So, yes, they had a day out yesterday. All day. Cute lil date day. Fun.

It’s Monday now, my dude. And maybe Lucy’s had a little bit of a sleep-in, because God knows what time Maddox got her back to that apartment last night. But now she’s being woken by the sounds of musiC and I’m gonna guess, probably, some singing too. 

So, groggy as ever, and rubbing her lil eyes, she’s padding down the hallway to the living room, and she appears to be walking up on some kind of ~jam session~. And, rly, there’s a guitar in her boy’s hand, and it’s got her still half-asleep self confused af. She is addressed almost immediately after walking into the room.]

Oh, hey, you finally woke up.

Are you playing that? [She’s still kinda not all the way here. She takes a minute to wake up, okay.]

Well... yeah? [Confused face, like it’s not just here for decoration, Luce.]

Your girl didn’t even know you play?

It’s never come up in conversation. [A shrug.]

I’m shocked you didn’t try to show off. 

Maddox Bravo? A show off? You’re thinking of the wrong person, Luna. [Hi, this Mick.]

I’m thinking you both should shut up, but maybe that’s just me~.

[Lucy’s starting to wake up now.] So... you can sing... and play?

Yuuuuup. [He says it awkwardly with a short nod. Like he’s being bashful, tbh. What is that about, son?]

Well, if he’s not gonna show off, I’ll do it for him. He’s really good.

She didn’t ask for clarification.

What? Your girlfriend isn’t allowed to know the band dreams?

Band dreams? [She gives a scrunchy eyebrow face between Luna and Maddox.]

Man, it’s almost like the girl knows your name and nothing else. What’s that about? You ashamed?

I have a name too, ya know.

Fuck off, Mick.

Hop off Maddox, guys.

[So, Lucy’s like, super confused, even still after having woken up for realzies, and she feels like she’s just learned a lot more about Maddox in the span of five minutes, and she’s wondering what the Mick guy could’ve meant about being ~ashamed, and all that. And more so... band dreams? Excuse? No, rly, why had he never mentioned this before? But, then again, have either of them ever talked to each other about dreams of the future other than the fact that they would like for it to include each other? Lucy’s having a bit of an existential crisis, because maybe she’s realizing now how little she actually knows about her boy on deep level. Hm. Dilemma.

(Don’t get ur panties in a twist, though. This isn’t meant in a bad way. She’s more upset with herself for never trying. Not like ‘oh man I don’t even know this dude.’, it’s like.... ‘oh man why have I never tried?’, you feel me?) So, how about Lucy says something now, right? Right.]

Well... play something for me then. [She’s gonna sit on the floor in front of the couch Maddox is on.]

What?

I wanna hear you. I think you owe me, since you’ve been keeping it from me all this time.

Uhhh... [He looks between the others, because hey they’d been jamming, why don’t they joIN?? PLEASE? They all take their hands off their instruments and look at him like ‘aLL YOU BUDDY.’] I see how it is... [Eye roll.]

This is for your girl. We don’t need to interrupt.

Alright... 

[And though he full-on glares at Jude here, he does, in fact start playing a melody of something that, through the acoustic sounds of guitar, does sound slightly familiar. And here we’re about to have a song from the dang heart, because maybe it was little bit funny; this feeling inside. You get what I’m saying here? Maddox’s not one of those who can easily hide, my friend. 

And boy is it hard to hide as he actually starts singing the lyrics to an Elton John song in front of his music friends, all shifty-eyed because heck this is exposing, and he coulda just picked anything, but he’d been practicing the dang thing because boy heckie, the lyrics are everything he dang means, so he only had this one in mind at all.

Lucy update? Slack-jawed, and heart-eyed, probably a tear or two threatening there in the corner of her eyes. So, as soon as Maddox is singing (with his whole dang self and heart) ‘hooow wonderful liiife is now you’re in the woooorld.’ and he stops with even more shifty eyes, and Lucy’s just looking at him with all the love in the world, danggit, and I’m a lil upset rn.

The music friends are pretty speechless themselves, tbh, because they probably feLT that one deep down in their own souls. Like, dang. So, rather than comment on the performance, Jude stands from the couch where I presume he was sitting, and he taps both Luna and Mick as he starts to walk.] 

Maybe we should give these two some privacy.

Yeeeeah. Let’s.

[And so the three go, and it’s just my Mucy left alone, and still, Lucy’s said nothing, but is only giving him the look of purest love and adoration. And now that they no longer have company, Maddox is probably giving this tiny lil bashful-esque grin kind of thing. So, now she’s gonna talk.]

You sang Moulin Rouge for me.

Technically I sang Elton John.

But you did it because of the movie.

It’s the only thing I could think of.

It was beautiful.

Well, I meant it.

Meant it?

The words... of the song. I meant it.

I know you did. I could tell. But it’s nice to hear you say it.

You know? I guess I’m just an open book now.

Not quite.

Hm?

Tell me about that band dream~.

Later~. Promise~.

[mtate]

On Life & Friendships

Hi Tumblr, 

It’s not nice to see you again. 

But I need an outlet to let it out and “express myself”. In the midst of this silly new point in America’s history where we “the people” nominated a dumbass to be our next president. In the midst of willtering friendships, new friendships, and far away friendships; each that come with their own set of complications. Finally, in the midst of a rocky time in my life...a time in my life without my grandma. 

First, lets start with this: FUCK TRUMP. I’m not one to abuse cuss words frequently but my sentiments about this situation can only be properly expressed with continous use of the words FUCK TRUMP FUCK TRUMP FUCK TRUMP FUCK TRUMP. Oh and one more, FUCK TRUMP. 

Next. I am literally missing my whole group of closest girl friendships. My lifelong best friend Alex is currently in the midst of moving in to her first HOME. A real home with a MORTGAGE. Exciting right? Kind of. If not for the fact that I am slightly jealous of this. I really want a house to call a home. But for now I’ll use the term “home is where the heart is” to satifsy this deep desire. Anyways, basically she’s super busy and in the middle of starting her new career as a interior designer and has no time for me. 

My best friend Marina is here. When I say here I mean Portland. Like, actually Portland. Not the burbs in Beaverton where I live. We work very different schedules and I am not very willing to go visit her at work because doing anything these days requires a lot of motivation and energy- neither of which I have, especially after a week of dealing with super energetic sponges...aka kids. I miss her to bits. I have to suck it up and go visit her and get free ramen while I’m at it.

Rocielle is still in Florida. Rocielle is engaged. Rocielle is in Florida engaged to a guy that quite frankly I don’t really like. She came to visit recently over Christmas break but I was sick and then there was snow and I didn’t get to spend time with her. It was shitty and I was sad. But at least I didn’t have to deal with her fiance. 

My little sister Aliz just moved to Florida as well. She’s doing the Disney College Program. I’m proud of her but I miss her already. It was tough the day I realzied she was actually leaving and not just pretending she was going to Eugene for the weekend but really taking a last minuite trip to Vegas to get caked by Steve Aoki. Crazy one she is. She’s my “let’s do something crazy NOW” friend. I like it. Except when I’m warm in bed ready for bed which is 90% of the time. 

I haven’t even seen Kylie since my wedding. I miss her. But she’s doing awesome Catholic things as always because she’s awesome and she’s Kylie.

That brings us to the next point: I’ve gotten SUPER close to two girls at work. Two of my co-workers. Kaitlynn and Kristi. Kaitlynn even dated Jake for like, a month. Kristi is basically my long lost soul sister. We do everything together from going shopping to playing video games to smoking to drinking to laughing to playing Pokemon and literally everything in between. We have pretty much all of the same interests and she’s a sarcastic asshole. Kait is like me- 5 years ago. So sweet, so caring, so crazy to find love (well that part is NOT like me cause 5 years ago I was already in love). But I love her too! We are the 3 amigos at work and outside of work. What is really really really cool is that Kristi’s boyfriend Gavin has become super close to Nick and Jake. So basically we hang out 100% of the time. 

The only issue with that is that when you hang out with the same people 100% of the time you start to notice annoying things that they do and you both mutually start to get tired of each other. So today we literally actually had a group fight for the first time, like ever. They said they don’t want us over at their house 100% of the time anymore because we all need to save money and we don’t clean as much anymore (tru) and we eat their food. But we also give them WEED and we also give them RIDES which wastes GAS. And anyways it sucked but we talked it out. We both love spending time together but the winter means we can’t do much except for hang out at each others’ houses and one can only imagine how so much time together with the snow days and such can make one kinda annoyed with each other. I love them and it  hurt me for us to fight especially because Nick and Kristi are like the same person aka subborn as fuck and the flight was really between them while Gavin and I just sat and tried to meddiate it. Because Gavin and I are like the same person. In the summer it will get better because we will go on hikes and swim and do fun summer things and go to the mall and go get pokemon and stuff so we won’t be in their house all the time but for now we are going to try to limit our time with them for sure. At least our time at their house. 

Finally, I really really really miss my grandma and somedays it hits me more than others. Like today, its really hitting me hard.

If you read ALL of this you really deserve an award. HERE. A lame ass 2008 heart <3 LOLOLOL.