#(but mostly in the places where i could see anecdotes of all of these things that chris /does/ that are very reminiscent of how he-)

[uniiiquehecrt]

https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/story/chris-hemsworth-cover-story

It's like the Prequels again. Everyone blamed the actors when it's the director who deserves the blame.

OKAY BUT REAL TALK I ACTUALLY JUST READ THIS WHOLE ARTICLE BEFORE CHECKING MY BLOG RIGHT NOW AND I JUST NEED TO SAY THAT CHRIS BEING SO DOWN AND OUT ABOUT HIS ROLE IN THE MCU IS SO SAD TO ME.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way: to put my full thoughts into words... I want to say first that Robert Downey Jr. has this to say about Chris (in response to Chris feeling like he's not as important or as cool as the other heroes):

"Thor as a character was super tricky to adapt [...] but he and Ken Branagh figured out how to transcend, make him somehow relatable but godlike. Hemsworth is, in my opinion, the most complex psyche out of all of us Avengers. He's got wit and gravitas, but also such restraint, fire, and gentleness."

And this is SO true. He took the words out of my mouth.

Reading the article.. and how and where Chris notes feelings of inadequacy, or feeling he's complaining to much (and therefore being narcissistic by complaining), the burning himself out, etc. Suffice it to say I was struck by one thing in particular: There's a lot of Chris in Thor. A LOT of Chris in Thor. It's not a surprise to me, in that case, that he felt down and out about his role in the Avengers, and the MCU as a whole when Thor is, inherently, consequently, alien. But alien in the sense of being SO important, SO regal, so otherworldly in sheer scope and in depth that where he fit in was ... quite simply grander than the others in the overall scheme of things.

It was the Asgardians who brought the Tesseract to Earth and safeguarded it, and the Aether. Two entire infinity stones within their protection. That, is Thor. Who was the one to have a vision about the role of the infinity stones? Thor in "Avengers: Age of Ultron". Who was the one to bring the Vision to life? Thor, also in "Avengers: Age of Ultron". Who was the one to realize as far back as "The Avengers" (2012) that someone was working behind Loki? It was still Thor.

And what I find most interesting is that Chris isn't exactly wrong about what he says here:

"Sometimes I felt like the security guard for the team," he says. "I would read everyone else's lines, and go, Oh, they got way cooler stuff. They're having more fun. What's my character doing? It was always about, 'You've got the wig on. You've got the muscles. You've got the costume. Where's the lightning?' Yeah I'm part of this big thing, but I'm probably pretty replaceable."

Ignoring for a moment that this is absolutely not at ALL the truth, it's not a surprise to me that he felt this way for... particular people and branches within the overarching fandom spaces I won't name for the sanctity of this post. And it is unendingly sad to me to have undeniable proof from the horse's mouth that Chris lost sight of how much depth and beauty he brought to the table as Thor. And how important Thor is as a result.

And yet, I honestly don't blame him FOR losing sight of that. There's a lot he had to - and still has to - contend with. And almost everybody sleeps on his portrayal of Thor in particular. It's depressing to see.

RDJ saying he's got the most complex psyche is so true. Gentle and gravitas, restrained but filled with fire. I love that about Thor. I will always love that about Thor.

I genuinely hope, with Chris seemingly realizing just how far out of touch he fell whilst chasing the high that Taika Waititi's dipshit behavior allowed him to chase, that he does do better. Performs better. But I mean that more in the sense of...

Chris, should you ever happen to read even a small part of this: I hope that you fall back in love with Thor. And I hope you see how lovely he is - and has always been - specifically because of your portrayal of him. You and Thor are not replaceable. You're not boring. At no point have you ever been. And I hope for your last foray into Thor's franchise you get to feel the energy you did when you first put on the costume in the first place. When the costume came on, and it felt like it just fit, and you were transformed into the character entirely. I hope your final goodbye to Thor is filled with all of the love that you first welcomed his part to play with; for you and for all of us.

– and sappiness aside, genuinely, I really do hope that Thor 5 can be a film that Chris feels proud to be a part of. A note he's proud to end on. He deserves it; we all do.

[jenny-in-a-jar]

🌈 2 Days Until my Surgery 🌈

(Picture taken June 8th, 2024)

I'm very very excited for my surgery (it's my second gender affirming surgery but this one is more significant to me since it'll be top and bottom surgery) and I'm obviously counting the days until it and I thought some people might be interested in my trans journey 🏳️‍⚧️ I finished up most of the story yesterday so today I'll queerness bc it's pride month under the cut! 🌈🌈🌈

But you can read through my journey starting here

First, let's talk about this outfit. Yes, I bought the shorts and top at Spencer's and honestly you can easily find someone who matches it at a large enough pride event. But, it's hard for me to not be sentimental about it. Especially since I wore it at least once the last three years.

(Pictures taken June 11, 2022 and June 10, 2023)

And you can see how it and I have subtly changed these last three years of my transition. (Too bad I didn't have for my first year of transition but such is life 🤷‍♀️). And every year I get excited to wear it again!

Because being queer means a lot to me. I wasn't one of those people who always knew they were queer. But, I never felt connected to my cishet peers either. It's odd looking back and thinking about how my normal group of friends were cishet but at things like summer camp and then college I would quickly make friends with queer people. I really wanted to be like them but couldn't know why because I felt like I didn't deserve to be as cool and free as them.

But, when I let myself dive head into queerness I finally realized that I queer people are mostly awkward nerds and all of them just want to live their lives as fully honestly themselves. And that I could relate to. And that's what made it easy for me "to rip off the band-aid" and transition. It's what let me walk out into a world where I knew I would get hateful stares because I knew I wasn't alone. And seeing how other queer people's eyes light up when they see me showed me I made the right decision because I made them feel less alone too.

And making friends in the queer community is so much easier than in the cishet community. Because there's a lot more likelihood that they'll understand your awkwardness and admire your weirdness. I said earlier that I had gone to a few house parties and actually enjoyed myself for the first time. I think the best way to show why is this anecdote. I remember being in this circle of people standing around awkwardly silent and then someone said "I'm autistic and house parties make me uncomfortable can someone start talking?" and someone replied with how they felt the same way and how they felt the same way and then a conversation started about how hard parties are and social interactions in general but we were glad to be here and to try to connect with people.

And I love studying queer history a lot. Mostly because I'm curious how I would fit in to a time/culture in history. But also I love seeing how we don't fit in existed and how society understood our non-conformity. We have always existed. Queerness is part of the human condition.

The queer community is far from perfect. We all come from very different backgrounds and often have biases we need to work on. But, it's worth it to carve out your place in the community and to find people who understand and support you and to reciprocate for them. Because the alternative is being alone.

And we all deserve to feel loved, in whatever form you need. And because I'm feeling sentimental so here's a picture of me and my love 🥲

(Picture taken June 8th, 2024)

I have one last update before my surgery tomorrow where I'll look towards the future ✨

Next part

[green-sky-smoke]

Reader asks Husk about his ideal date. (~1300 words)

"My ideal date, huh? The one where i win all your money in poker." He laughs, and smiles at you firmly, his eyes pierce at you warmly, like he was looking at nostalgic show, on old, thick tv screen, in worst quality possible. "Bring me cards, hun, i shall do a little," he waves palms happily, "magic! Watch future, how good your chances are." He laughs purringly. Then his smile and cheerful look dissolves. He's never like this for long. "But if you don't plan it... Honestly, i'm not really used to dates. I'm not interested in flowers and fancy dinners, i saw enough of them. I am a man of simple pleasures. I have booze here, why don't just stay where we are?" he tilts his head a little, with catlike grace and elegance, expecting you to nod. And then you both hear something heavy, loudly falling on the floor, and a lot of swears and arguing. His ears press on his head from the sudden noise.

"Well. That's why. We may go somewhere." He sights, annoyed. Husk is frowning, looking in almost empty bottle, like lines of light and reflections on emerald glass will say something his drunk brain stubbornly refuses. He tries very hard to think it out, but he got solid brain fog.

"How about... Well..." he is really lost in his own thoughts. You can almost see how his neurons try to reach one another, but fail miserably, and pain gently swipes them away. "How about... About..."

No. Date isn't a game, it's when you entertained enough being with someone. Not a game. You did games everyday, Husk, what make date unique if it just another playful robbery? Date is not another gambling game, loss of big money and property. Especially not of someone who you like. Maybe you can both play and share loss, or win, playing together and not against each other... But against anyone else? Hm. Would be nice to offer it later, if he won't forget.

He hasn't had any sugarcoated romantic fantasies in a long time, and his brain rejected him creating some now, when he got someone interesting enough. The most interesting thing was just looking at your confused, annoyed face, and just any negative emotion. He felt better sometimes, seeing unhappy faces, when he is himself aren't happy at all about where it all ended for him. Husk hunched over the table, puzzled. Looks like he completely zoned out.

Most of all, he enjoys spending time together, calmly, not in a fight. Table games where he can bluff and laugh at someone's bad strategies and skill, or hand motorics. Magic tricks and spectacular shows. Gently massages and some cuddling. Sleeping and resting, doing nothing. He doesn't like very pricy places, or sports. He isn't most complex person, so it's quite a mystery for him why you would have interest in alcoholic with ludomania who likes to mock you lovingly, or insult. It's kinda easy when he presented with people insecurities every day, every year, when they can't shut up about it, and any anecdotes happening. He could write dissertation about it.

"Cheap, and funny." He chuckled, as your face becomes a little disappointed. "What? Not the answer you wanted?" He smiled, a bit smug. He enjoys your confusion, and how you try to think of questions to to clarify exactly what he wants, when you know that he won't reply long, he mostly gives you very vague answers that tells nothing at most.

"Let me tell you a thing, boo... Planning perfect dates is the most useless thing to do. Life is always unpredictable, chaotic, troubled and hard in hell. Situations always change, your mood, your tastes, you never the same person as day, or hour ago. You never know. If you hunt perfection, perfect place, perfect person, perfect reaction, day and time, you will end up miserable. And... You can try small things and be happy with surprises from this chaotic universe we live in, being constantly amazed how bad you are at fortune-telling!" He spreads his arms with enthusiasm, and then puts them down, waving one. He takes an indifferent sip of alcohol. "Or whatever. I don't care." He for a moment forgets what he wanted to add. Seems like he forgets that you're here too, too entertained with looking at same bottles, as if he was in an elite art gallery. His head migraine felt as if brain is expanding like the universe, right in his skull, and it is about to crack, while he won't be able to say anything intelligible or catch a coherent thought. He needs time to frown. You just look at him, wanting to stroke him. He looks so soft and fluffy, but you can't tell a moment you can do it.

"There isn't such a thing i would call a 'perfect date'. But there is 'it wasn't so bad as i expected'." he says before another long pause. He is clearly thinking hard, trying to scratch words off the walls of the skull, that hit him with an electric shock for any touch. His body was sometimes a real prison, making him worse person, who can really, really never leave for long.

"There may be all things i can enjoy to a point of addiction, but i would just act as grumpy ass until you take me there, waving booze, fists, threats, and i would know how enjoyable this is only after." He smiles and cackles, a bit annoyed and a bit self-ironic. He knows his brain and mood tricks pretty well, but believes he don't really need or can change a thing. He hates it, but he wouldn't wish to be anyone else. "It all seem too boring, overrated, overpriced and annoying to me when i think about it. I can find all reasons to not go anywhere and not move at all. Im in the point of life where it's really hard to find joy and eagerly seek things. You know?" He shrugs. "Go on, i don't mind, if you can bear with me constantly rejecting anything im not used to, and being grumpy old growler. It may at some point end as perfect date i would be sad to forget." He looks at you, like he doesn't really believe it, but willing to let you try. It doesn't matter to him, he will suffer each way in same amount, you wouldn't make it much worse than Alastor. " ...Or not. Who the hell knows. Maybe you will have patience to make some use of such boring, forever grudging and mean demon. Im not the best choice, and it will only make you pathetic to try make impossible work." You smile, finally out of confusion. He just invited you to annoy him, how sweet. You bend over to him and hold out your hand. He doesn't understand your gesture, so he just hand you some heavy bottle of some sweet, sparkling tonic for cocktails. You move the bottle to the table, and you put your hand on his. It suprised him, but he smiled at this micro-miscommunication, and places other hand over your. Old cats are playful too. And no cat will reject some good, pricy food and quiet place to see all things, not just hear behind the bar table. "Well, you are the strongest creative source of new things in my life for now." He smiles faintly. Maybe he was completely sarcastic. "So, take care of yourself. I can't appreciate you most times, but it would be loss for all hell. And i think you didn't drink in a while, so you need some liquid more than hold my hand, dumdum." He gets his hand out of your warm touch, and moves the bottle almost in your face. "Or shall I shake it for you?" He laughs. Husk believes you totally can use some foam of wrath in your face too.

[epigstolary]

The Middle of Nowhere, Part Two

I once said that my feeder didn’t have to do anything to keep me on his farm. That I was building my own prison there, bite by bite. And that’s still true — but only partly true. The farm may be a long way away from anything — town, other people, even the road that’s our only real connection to society — and it may as well be a desert island for someone too big to drive a car or walk further than the yard, but it isn’t my prison. Because my prison isn’t a place.

Things started to change when it got difficult even to go outside to our porch. I don’t mean they changed with my feeder; he was still as caring and doting as ever. He started bringing me my snacks once I got big enough that just shuffling out the front door took all my energy and attention. I had to watch where I placed every step of my bloated legs, laden with fat that looked like bags of cottage cheese, and hold on to the walls and the railing along the porch to keep my belly and chest fat from sloshing sideways and pulling me over. Even those few steps left me breathless and my heart pounding by the time I got settled on my bench; but it was worth it to have a plate of his biscuits and gravy or chicken and dumplings, under that big sky beyond our little farm, gilded with another sunset. And even when my bench finally gave way after one too many helpings of both, he dusted off his woodworking kit and put it back together, reinforced and better than new.

But by then, we both knew it was only a temporary fix. It wouldn’t be long before there’d be no way I could maneuver myself out there every day, and he could tell how being cooped up inside would drive me crazy after a while. If I was going to do anything other than sit mostly alone on the couch all day, we were going to have to find another way.

His first innovation was to invite people over for dinner — farmhands, friends, folks he knew from town that he could get to come to me even if I couldn’t go to them. And they were good company, in a lot of ways; they’d bring a taste of the outside world with them. They might talk about how the crops were doing, recount some recent anecdote from working out in the fields or going into town, opine on some petty local politics or gossip. And it was nice to hear about something other than what was going on within the confines of our little farm — an outside world that it was increasingly impossible for me to get to. But really, it was hard for the focus not to turn around to me. Nobody was ever rude the first time they met me; but it was rare not to see either a reaction of stifled surprise, or else a glassy look of unseeing, a conscious attempt not to notice the half-ton of fat flowing and bulging out of my ill-fitting clothes.

It didn’t help that, with me never leaving the farm, there weren’t many topics of conversation other than myself and food that our guests could engage with me about. When the conversation didn’t turn to recent meals or my favorite foods, which usually elicited at least warm agreement about the country staples forming much of my diet, it turned to how I spent most of my day. We’d do our usual face-saving song and dance about what I did to take care of the house while my partner was out working in the field — all of it lies, and increasingly transparent lies as my limited ability to even move became more obvious at higher weights — and how I was getting ready to start losing some weight. I’d talk about how I really wanted to get healthier, get out and about more often; and they’d smile and nod, giving tepid approval and encouragement.

The thing is, I really did mean it. I really did want to get down to a size where I could at least walk around outside again, maybe even drive a car into town and go to the little greasy spoon like I used to. It was becoming discouraging to have every step, every reach, every movement blocked or restrained by the fat smothering every inch of my body. But our guests knew full well I didn’t have a prayer of keeping to a diet or an exercise routine. It was even more obvious to those who’d visited before, and who saw me even more bloated, even more out of shape than the last time they were there.

The actual meals certainly made them think that, if they hadn’t before. My partner would serve a spread fit for a dozen people — something like a barbecue buffet, a whole turkey with all the fixings, a tray of lasagna — and I’d end up eating everything that was left after the others had their fill. Long after their places had been cleared away, I’d still be gobbling up the heaping plates my partner would keep bringing me until every scrap of food was gone. Since I couldn’t last very long at the dining table anymore, usually we’d sit around the living room, and they would basically watch me gorge myself — tits and chins wobbling as I’d chew, plate sitting on my enormous belly so my blubbery arms could rest on the sweep of my side rolls while I cut and speared each bite. It was obvious to everyone, I guess even to me, that I was never going to drop a pound if I couldn’t resist completely abandoning myself to food like that. By the end of the meal, I’d be stuffed full, taking up the entire couch and looking enormous, almost too drowsy from overeating to notice the expressions passing between our guests, their looks of amusement or disgust or astonishment at what was apparently a typical dinner for me. Sometimes they’d even whisper about it, thinking I was asleep. I wasn’t.

From the front window of the house, I could watch them drive away, taillights receding toward that distant road where proper civilization began again. Probably recapping the dinner and my obscene size and appetite with horrified amazement. They’d been merely passing through, tourists in my isolated bubble, visiting their friend’s or boss’s blob of a partner out of courtesy but with no real desire to bring me into the fold. They could make things more tolerable, but they’d never be any real help in connecting with the world again.

Then one day, my partner’s beat-up old pickup disappeared, and he pulled into the yard in a gleaming new one, looking unusually excited for him and expectantly at me. I was puzzled — by that point, I was already too big to heave myself up into the cab of any pickup. But then I saw the truck bed — more specifically, the crane and winch rising from the front corner. My stomach did a somersault at the sight of him rigging up a harness meant for lifting cows and pigs into the bed; it was a way to let me get off the farm, sure, but at a pretty steep price in dignity. It was as good as an admission that I’d eaten myself far too fat to rejoin the world like a normal person, probably for good.

But the temptation to be somewhere else, anywhere else, was too much. A day or two later, my partner was helping me waddle out the front door and down the steps toward the driveway. Months indoors had obscured just how much my body had changed in even that short amount of time. My legs had both bloated considerably and weakened since my last walk through the yard, making every step like having to lift heavy bags of molasses just to advance a few inches at a time. My belly hung lower and broader than I remembered, physically holding back my steps and making it harder to twist my upper body to steady my walk. My side rolls and bicep blubber fought one another for space, pushing my arms up and sending fat bunching around my neck and shoulders. I was an out-of-breath mess by the time I maneuvered myself around and collapsed into the harness.

The sensation of my weight being lifted slowly off the ground, suspended and moved by an object completely out of my control, sent a surreal thrill through me. My hundreds of pounds, cradled in the harness, wobbled and jiggled with its slow movements, and for the most part I had no choice but to be carried along with my body’s jostling inertia. Even more than usual, I was buried under my immense belly and tits, my bloated legs were lifted level with the rest of my body, and my flab-laden arms — if they’d even been strong enough to do anything — had nowhere to grasp to help stabilize my sloshing bulk. The crane and winch cracked and creaked as it labored to move my weight, lifted me over the sides and into position facing the tailgate, and lowered me onto some foam padding my partner had arranged into a kind of makeshift couch against the rear window. I didn’t fill the truck bed — but there wasn’t room to sit next to me, either.

I’ve never felt a mixture of emotions like I did on that first drive back into town. On the one hand, it felt so amazingly free — finding myself on that once impossibly-distant road, our farm receding into the distance as fields and hills sped by. Fresh air, and the wind in my hair. But then, as buildings grew closer together and we started rolling into downtown, my blood ran cold — I’m a half-ton blob taking up most of the back of a pickup truck, too fat to walk or move, coming to town like a circus attraction, I thought. People were going to react.

I’m sure a lot of it was in my mind. I’m sure I was self-conscious, reading intent into every glance and word and gesture, most of the time when it wasn’t there. But it felt like every last person in the town had turned out to stare at my huge form being paraded down main street. Me looking out over the expanse of lard occupying the truck bed and smothering my body. Blubber sloshing uncontrollably every time we turned a corner. Kids pointing at the enormous fatty passing by, their shouts being stifled by nervous and disgusted parents. Skinny people casting sideways glances at the pickup, stopped at a stoplight, as they muttered to each other amid broad grins.

And that was when I realized. It didn’t matter where I was — on the farm, in town, on stage with a million people watching. I had let myself get fattened past the point where I could exist in this world and connect with it ever again. Even when I was right in the middle of it, I was as far removed from these people as if I’d still been back on the farm. I’m never going to be walking around with them, shopping with them, just existing in the spaces they exist in. I literally don’t fit in, even if I could haul around all the blubber I’ve accumulated under my own power. And I’m just as alien to them — someone five times their weight, who can’t control their appetite any better than to get this big, someone they can deride or pity or judge with impunity.

On the drive back to the farm, under a starry indigo sky and with a backseat full of fast food from the town’s only chain, I had to wonder about my feeder. Whether he really was trying to get me out of the house. Or did he know? Had he already figured out that I was too big for it to matter where I was — that the thick rolls dominating my body and the sacks of fat hanging off my limbs would keep me his, even if I’d tried to get someone to help me leave? That this drive would do nothing more than to show me a world, a life, that my fat — his fat — would never let me go back to?

The thought lodged in the back of my mind as he gently helped hoist me, every inch wobbling and quivering, out of the truck bed. He led my bulk, step by exhausted step, back inside and to my usual divot on the couch. And as he got me comfortable, spreading the buffet of greasy, fatty food out before me, and as I bit into the first of ten thick double cheeseburgers, his too-kind smile and his gaze that lingered on my bulging gut for an instant too long told me everything I needed to know.

The farm isn’t my prison. My body is.

[vendily-blog]

Here's the promised longer post I mentioned, on the topic of Mario and Luigi's brotherly relationship, though a significant portion of the post is filtered through the interpretation of Luigi's character over the decades. I touch upon both out-of-universe and in-universe points.

The best place to start is my motivation for writing this post in the first place, which is the annoyance regarding the subset of the fandom who act as if Mario is a cruel character, especially with respect to his brother Luigi. Obligatory, albeit tongue-in-cheek, "Fuck MatPat", due to his video positing Mario as a sociopath. I don't place all the blame at his feet, but he is an easy public target to point at, and I know some people would have been influenced by that video.

In anticipation for the length of the post, I've left the rest under a read more.

The one evidence MatPat mentioned in that video that still sticks with me all these years later was Mario grinding his shoe onto Luigi's foot after the latter wins his trophy in Mario Power Tennis.

However this ignores the context of the other trophy win animations, which are all comedic in nature, as well as the fact that a number of others also feature Luigi getting in some sort of trouble during them.

Mario Power Tennis initially released in 2004, the middle of the 00s. This time period was a marked shift in how Luigi as a character was used, as he really solidified due to Paper Mario 64 and Luigi's Mansion setting a baseline characterization. Later titles tipped further into the "down on his luck" and "lack of respect" aspects of his character.

But this characterization has started to be tipped back again, not having a bad thing happen to Luigi be the "be all end all" of comedy, likely in part due to the Year of Luigi.

Though overall, it's important to remember that the brothers have spanned 4 decades worth of media. That's quite a bit of time, and quite a lot of experimentation, even as the broadest strokes stayed constant. This brings me back to 1988. 5 years now Luigi would have existed, and the Super Show cartoon wouldn't start airing for another year. But we did get Super Mario Bros 3, and every time you booted it up, you'd get this title sequence.

Would you look at that? Luigi jumping on Mario's head? Throwing a Green Shell at him? What a terrible brother he is! This is sarcasm, but it does demonstrate how this really is one of earliest depiction of interaction between them that I'm aware of. (The other being the Japanese animated movie released in 1986, but that film focused more on Mario as the hero, with Luigi mostly causing trouble when he is on screen. It's a fun watch, but Luigi's character was still up in the air at the time.)

To loop back around to the in-universe discussion, they're siblings, these kinds of things happen, but they generally don't break the relationship. No relationship is always perfectly happy and content. It's fine to have moments where they're jealous, or annoyed, or otherwise not being on the same wavelength. But it doesn't mean they hate each other. To make a personal anecdote, my own sibling can get on my nerves at times and mine on theirs (sometimes even intentionally, haha), but that doesn't mean when push comes to shove, we wouldn't help the other. That's exactly the sort of energy I personally see in the Mario Bros. relationship.

This is also where I discuss the major sub-series, as they all emphasize different aspects of Luigi, which provides a different spin on the relationship (though never to the point where it'd flip to them hating each other).

Paper Mario's Luigi still cares for Mario, but he's also looking to prove himself, which is evident in his diary in 64 (wishing he could go on an adventure), his Marvelous Compass quest in TTYD (saving another kingdom), the intro of Super (attempting to interrupt the wedding in the intro), and his Peach's Castle key search quest in TOK (helping his brother by finding incorrect but still helpful keys). However some of his private dialogue in his diary could be read as more resentful or jealous, as Mario goes on yet another adventure while he stays at home. But, to take an in-universe view, just because Luigi has those feelings at times doesn't mean he always feels like that, and at the end of the diary, he's "looking forward to listening to the story of his adventure" and that he's going to "prepare a dinner to celebrate Mario's return". These writings are private, so they're effectively Luigi unfiltered, without some supposed need to keep up appearances for Mario's sake, yet we can see he's happy to see Mario back at home again.

Mario & Luigi's Luigi in contrast, is far more reluctant to get into trouble, with him intending to see Mario off at the start of Superstar Saga before being grabbed and taken along for the adventure, and generally being a lot more cowardly. Despite this, his love for his brother still shines through, with him forcing himself through bad situations because Mario's at his side, or because his love for his brother outweighs his fear of the situation.

Interaction between the bros doesn't happen as much in the Super Mario titles, but you could argue it being a middle ground between these two prior interpretations. Super Mario Galaxy in particular has Luigi collecting Power Stars by himself and getting in over his head, so he turns to the one person he can always rely upon, his brother. Though he also does decide that he's had enough excitement after a few stars and needing to be rescued.

However, one thing is constant, Mario is a great guy, not some cruel jerk. He cares about everyone, but especially about his brother, and Luigi wouldn't place that level of trust in Mario if he didn't deserve it.

[copperbadge]

I had a very successful and entertaining day today, as you guys can probably tell from the posts I made. There's a few more queued posts of stuff I didn't get to post in-situ, so enjoy that!

Some anecdotes I did not post about from today:

-- I can't remember the last time I queued for a museum. Mostly because if it's not one of "my" museums, like the Field or the Art Institute where I know the best ways in, I'm attending on a weekday deliberately so that I am not amongst the crowds. The line to get into the British Museum was a full block long, but to be fair it only took me ten minutes from opening to get inside. I was mostly amused by the people who a) didn't understand how museum entry works or b) didn't understand how to stand in a line without also blocking foot traffic on the rest of the sidewalk.

-- Almost got in a fight with someone, a definite first for me in a museum. I got salty with a guy who touched a sculpture when he knew he shouldn't, and he got up in my face, and I think genuinely the fact that I knew what the sculpture was called and he didn't confused him so badly he backed down. So if you're looking to defuse a situation via confusion, the phrase "Hey, don't fucking touch the Lamassu and we won't have a problem" worked for me.

-- The British Museum is great but among other issues (looted objects, weird relics of museum-specific imperialism, etc) it does suffer from poor display design in places. I'm okay with that, I kind of like old museums that are a little fucked up, even as I acknowledge that old fucked-up museums also have old fucked-up messaging. They appear to be trying on that front, but they could use a display placard overhaul. At one point I found an object in a case that appeared to be a carved human leg bone, and while I'm not a Bone Specialist there was also absolutely no placard about the bone at all. (I looked it up in the collection later using other objects in the case as reference, and it's just noted as "bone".)

-- I did have a great time overall; I saw most of the museum and then had a fancy meal, as documented. I was especially pleased to get to sample their coronation chicken since I collect tastings of coronation chicken, and I think they either used molasses in it or the bread had some, and either way it's grist for my mill as I start to develop The Chicken Salad War. After lunch I went on the hunt for a few last things, but I could feel myself getting tired and Becoming Unmedicated so I decided to leave a little early, which was the right choice, and gave me a little time to do some exploring.

-- @neil-gaiman did a post a while ago about stuff to see in London which I saved, and while I mostly planned my own journey, I did stop at Atlantis Books on his recommendation, which was well worth it. The woman working the till left me alone until I was ready to buy my book, then praised my choice (always a good move) and made a few minutes' small talk about my visit from America while she was ringing me up. Also I have never seen such a variety of Tarot decks for sale in my life. It was extremely impressive given the entire shop is roughly the size of my bedroom in Chicago.

All in all an excellent day out in London. Tomorrow I'm traveling to meet up with a friend, so probably fewer photos, but day after tomorrow I'm bound for Amsterdam so expect Rijksmuseum photos! I did not get into the Vermeer exhibit sadly, but I still want to see the museum and I'm on a quest for freshly made stroopwaffels and authentic gjetost, so I'm excited for the journey. I thought this trip might be one small anxiety after another -- would I be okay on the plane, would I get on the right trains, etc -- but I'm feeling more confident now, and I think between my early-bird tendencies and the ADHD meds I kicked the jet lag pretty quickly. I'm off to bed in a few, because tomorrow is an early day, so I guess we'll find out then how much I really kicked it....

[pencileraser1]

i think dead poets in nyc has permanently changed my perception of both todd and neil, anytime i think of them post canon i always picture them as more ethan hawke and rsl like than they are in canon.

if i remember correctly that was kind of the point, there was something about how they both had auditioned for opposite roles and peter weir decided to switch them so that by the end of the play they have swapped places in the story. it’s interesting to me how that plays out, particularly since I do think in a way they are both more themselves at the end of their character arcs than any other point. for todd it’s kind of obvious, as someone with social anxiety, although it seriously affects how i am around people, i mostly don’t really consider it to be my actual personality or what i’m really like even if it has a significant constant effect on my life. by the end of the movie todd has overcome some of that anxiety and is more comfortable existing as himself at least around the poets (see the later cave scenes and when they’re getting ready for the play) and additionally is able to stand up to nolan at the end of the play completely by himself (once he stood up it’s not surprising that half the class followed but still it was him that stood up first and he had no way of knowing what would happen).

neil to me is a bit more complicated but the way i’ve always interpreted his character arc (which is a pretty common interpretation i think) is that he always had some underlying mental health issues that he was able to hide, which was even easier since most of the movie takes place during probably the happiest period of his life. it’s interesting to me that in earlier versions he is more obviously depressed, and although i don’t consider them canon at all, i do think the intention kind of carried over, he’s still depressed but he’s hiding it instead of letting people see him in that way. although this anecdote was about todd, i think the interview with ethan hawke and rsl about the original desk scene kind of encapsulates the whole thing, i think it was ethan that said the reason the original scene didn’t work was because todd would never be that self deprecating in front of neil. i think it’s exactly the same for neil. (on a side note; the original scene i think still exists, like the whole $5.98 thing, just todd never externalizes any of those thoughts. there are multiple examples of this sort of thing comparing older versions of the script to newer ones, and i personally think they may exist in the same way, like an older version of the scene after the first confrontation with neil’s dad where neil is visibly angry, in the final version he hides it but i think he would be feeling similar emotions as could be seen in that version) to an extent i do think some of his personality is fabricated both more obviously for his father (see im trapped scene) and also in general around his peers, even if it is just pretending he’s more okay than he is although i kind of think it might go further than that . we only briefly see him pre-keating/the society/acting so it’s a bit hard to gauge what he was like before. the dropping the annual scene is the first and biggest sign something was off until the i’m trapped scene and i think it says a lot about how he deals with his issues as well as how he attempts to hide them (telling charlie and knox that they wouldn’t stand up to their parents either- im not entirely sure how true this is at least for knox but they both go along with it). since it’s an isolated incident it’s kind of easy to brush off if you don’t know where the movie is going to go, which is probably also true for his friends. after that one scene he never outwardly shows that anything is wrong other than briefly while talking to todd and in one filmed cut scene which i think was cut for a reason. to an extent even keating doesn’t know how bad it had gotten for neil; i don’t think if he knew neil was at risk of suicide he would’ve given the advice he did. the only time in the movie he actually seriously confides in someone is with keating briefly, and the next time they talk he goes back to pretending things are fine. his suicide attempt is him attempting to take control over his life in the only way he knows to do at that point. although it’s possible the only thing he hid from his peers was his mental illness, the possibility that he is masking to an even more extreme degree has always been interesting to me. for his whole life he has had to pretend to be someone else for his father, it makes sense that he’d feel the need to do the same for his friends. i don’t think he really fully learns that he can drop that mask around his friends, i think it just becomes too exhausting to hold up any longer.

i don’t thing neil would be the same post canon (if he lives). he ultimately fails at being the “dutiful son,” which even during the final argument with his father this is still something he is trying to sustain even if subconsciously, and that is part of the reason he can’t stand up to his father. i don’t think after the attempt that he’d continue to try to fulfill that role, which in turn i think could cause him to drop other aspects of his mask, esp. since everyone has already seen him at his worst. also i could see how after attempting suicide it might feel like none of this matters as much as he thought before. (to be clear i’m not trying to say his depression or his attempt is who he is, the depresson has a heavy impact on him which he hides from everyone else, up until his attempt, although i can see how comparing him as an inverse to todd whose social anxiety prevents him from doing what he wants and other people knowing who he is could come off that way.) we know todd has social anxiety and that isn’t Who he is even though it significantly impacts him and his life, and we get a better idea of who he is when his anxiety is lessened, at the same time neil is hiding the effects of his depression as well as other parts of himself and acts in a way that is most honest to who he is during the play, and to how much he is struggling in his last scene

this might be a big pile of nonsense sorry i just have too many thoughts about neil

[altruistic-meme]

HI @spaghett-onaplate YOU SAID YOU WOULD LISTEN TO MY SPEECH ABOUT GEOCACHING SO HERE IT IS :) admittedly, i haven’t really done it in years and also i am going to go mostly off my memory so a lot of the technical aspects will be dodgy since i was. 8 or 9 years old when we started doing it and thus everything was handled by my dad. but. Here we go anyway!!

So geocaching is, at its core, a world-wide treasure hunt. You go around to different locations and look for some type of container that was put there, sign your name in the log, and then put it back to be found by the next person. 

What is a “cache”? What does it look like?  That’s one of the best parts: it can look like literally anything! One of the most common caches and perhaps the most well-known is the ammo can:

But people will use anything! Other common cache containers include: peanut butter jars, pill bottles, tupperware containers, and fake rocks. Geocaches come in all kinds of sizes, shapes, colors, styles. Things that my family has found used as geocaches include: a literal battery, a bird feeder, fake pinecone, gatorade bottle. As long as you can fit a little bit of paper inside it, it could be used as a cache. 

Some paper? What is the paper? The log! Whenever you find a cache, you write your name (usually your username on the official geocaching website) and the date. This is used as a way to keep track of the cache, who has found it, how long it has been there. It’s really cool when you find one and find out someone had found the cache the same day you did!

Always bring a pen to sign the log!!! For some caches, there might be a pen inside the container, but it is always best to assume there won't be!

Official geocache website? Yep! This is where my knowledge is incredibly rocky, but I did watch my dad using it sometimes. But from what I can recall, the website is where all of the caches are logged so that you can get the information you need to actually, you know, find the cache! And it’s a community as well; people leave comments on the individual caches, saying that they found it and sometimes giving anecdotes about their experience in looking for it (ex. My family went to the bottom of a canyon here to get a cache once, and we were all dying on the way back up because of all of the stairs. We still make jokes 10 years later about the hellish canyon!). And, sometimes, they’ll say that they couldn’t find it, which does happen quite a bit! Either the cache was too well hidden, or a well-intentioned muggle found an old peanut butter jar covered in camouflage duct tape and thought it was just trash in a National Park, so they took it to dispose of it.

(Wait- muggle? Yeah, it’s unfortunate that the term is shared with that series, but muggle just refers to anyone who is not a geocacher!)

How do you know if a muggle has disposed of the cache you’re looking for? Really, you can’t. It can be assumed if, say, there are a lot of people saying they couldn’t find it and no one saying they could. But sometimes it really is just that well hidden. Oftentimes if it starts seeming like it might be missing, the person who originally placed the cache will go to see if they can find it since they know what it looks like and where it was originally hidden to verify if it’s still there. 

It is for this reason it is always advised to put a geocache back EXACTLY where you found it! This is not always possible, and my family has had to semi-relocate caches in the past if the spot it was sitting is flooded or it otherwise seems dangerous for the cache to be there. But as a general rule, try to leave the cache exactly how you found it in the first place so that others can find it after you!

Who can place geocaches? Anyone! I do not know what all is involved in it, but caches are made by people in the community! It’s not as though there is an official group of people who place every cache. There are way too many for that to be the case. 

Are geocaches only in parks? Nope! They can be found anywhere! National/State Parks (at least here in the US) are very common, but some other places we have found caches include: water towers, highway guard railings, the woods just off the highway, cemeteries, parking lots, people’s yards, community centers, libraries, museums. (Let me tell you, it’s really fun to be 14 years old with your dad, standing outside of your minivan looking at the guard railing on a busy highway. We have had people pull over to ask if we need help before.)

Okay, so what information do you need to find a geocache? The information that we used was usually: 

What size is it?

Micro (battery)

Small (pill bottles, fake rocks)

Medium (ammo cans, pb jars, some tupperware)

Large (water jug, birdhouse)

How hard is it? Easy, normal, hard, etc. 

Coordinates As in, the literal coordinates. We had a handheld GPS for this, but from what I can see they also have an official app which should be able to do the same thing – assuming you don’t go somewhere without signal!

Fun fact! Some large enough geocaches will contain swag! Swag is usually just small, cheap items that are a take-one-give-one system in geocaching. I assume it is something used mostly for kids, but it can be fun to see what kind of swag a cache has! I got a few fun trinkets this way. If you are going to look for a cache that is medium or larger, it’s a good idea to carry a piece of swag with you in case something catches your eye!  Travel Bugs are a special swag item! They’re different from normal swag in that you aren’t meant to keep them. They are often on journeys! You can pick up a Travel Bug from one cache, scan it’s tag to see where it’s been before, and leave it in a cache you find later down the road.

Where can caches be hidden? Anywhere – with one exception: caches should NOT be buried. They will never be underground. But other than that, pretty much anything is fair game! One of the most common places is in a UPS, an Unusual Pile of Sticks, which just means a pile of sticks that looks a little too well-positioned to have fallen naturally. But other places include: gardens in front of businesses (the first cache we found!), hanging from a tree, magnetized to the previously mentioned highway railings, underneath the cover at the bottom of street lamps, inside tree trunks. 

What countries do geocaching? From what I know, every country! I have only ever found US geocaches because I have only left the US once and we didn’t get one in Canada, but I know my Uncle has found them in France as well. This is a world-wide game! I hope to get a geocache next time I leave the US :) 

OKAY that is all of the information I can think of right now. I kind of really want to get back into geocaching now, make my own account! My family found I think over 5000 geocaches from when we first started until now, from all across the country, including at one point I think almost every cache in Georgia. So I would be starting way from scratch, but it would be my own adventure :) plus I would get to revisit some places! (maybe not the canyon.)

Questions? I am open to answering further questions, though again I definitely don’t know everything, I just spent a lot of my youth doing this! But, I do also have access to my dad who knows a lot more of the specifics and details than I do. I also recommend looking at the official website for more information as well!

[kenobster]

Mostly to save myself some space on a post later, I'm gonna be anecdotal for a second and talk about my complicated feelings about Fox whump.

For context, I've actually enjoyed Fox whump on occasion. Recently, I even wrote a tiny bit of it. While I have not delved much into Fox fan creations (other than the fic This, too, was a gift, and my enjoyment this incredible fanart), I have, for a long time, been observing Fox fans & Fox spaces and noticing certain trends in the Fox & Corrie Guard fandom. Although Fox has about two minutes of screentime for the entirety of TCW (and never removes his helmet IIRC), fandom has expanded upon his character with an enormous amount of headcanon. To keep us all on the same page, I'd like to establish a baseline of my understanding of his character. For starters, people seem to characterize Fox as a good person but also (endearingly) a total trainwreck. He's someone who has made mistakes and done some not-so-great things, who huffs and haws and gripes and groans, but who eventually decides to do the right thing. Generally, Fox fans seem to agree that Palpatine is manipulative and abusive of him and the Corrie Guard, but they do tend to fall shy of acknowledging that Anakin was one of Palpatine's primary victims. In fact, despite the amount of attention Fox fans seem to devote to Obi-Wan (and Codywan as a ship), their headcanons leave Anakin mysteriously absent. At worst, the Fox fandom seems notoriously biased against Anakin and has characterized him in ways much worse than pre-O66 material actually shows him to be.

Normally, this kind of headcanoning wouldn't be an issue to me. As a writer of trashy noncon, I support the stance that every fan should be allowed to create, headcanon, and play as they wish in their fictional sandbox. In the case of Fox fanon, however, I have misgivings. These headcanons, characterizations, and portrayals of whump tend to usurp everything about Anakin's storyline and fill it with Fox instead. For a classic example, see this post's idea to put Fox in a situation practically identical to popular Darth Vader/Anakin fanlore. For another example, see this poll where Fox outscores everyone by a landslide on the matter of who deserves to kill Palpatine the most, a poll upon which Anakin doesn't even make the list. Additionally, see this popular post listing the top three characters who deserve to kill Palpatine, upon which Fox ranks No. 2 and Anakin isn't featured at all. That's Fox, a character with two minutes of screentime (much of which was spent killing Fives), versus Anakin, the protagonist of the PT and the character who actually killed Palpatine. Though only tangentially related, I've also seen fanart that paired a member of the Corrie Guard with Padme, Anakin's own wife! From where I'm standing, Fox and/or the Corrie Guard seems very much like a convenient substitute for the gaps made by tearing Anakin out of his own narrative.

In this sense, the existence of Fox fanon & whump is completely baffling to me. The PT and the OT (the most canonical of canon!) have already provided the exact character that Fox fans seem to crave. Anakin was the victim who was groomed, manipulated, and abused by Palpatine before and after Order 66. Anakin is the good person who made a terrible mistake, the one who huffs and haws and gripes and groans but does the right thing in the end. Anakin is a gift to those exact interests, and what did the Fox fandom do? They denied this gift so fiercely that they had to invent their own fanonical blorbo to take Anakin's place.

Time and time again, I've wondered what could possibly explain this. So far, my developing hypothesis does not bode well. Outside of fandom, society as a whole is currently cycling through another unmerciful and intolerant phase (i.e. cancel culture, purity culture, censorship, etc). It's true that people must face the consequences of their actions and that justice is incredibly important—but there's a fine line between justice and revenge, and an even finer line between preventative and punitive justice. Even the scummiest scum of the earth deserve to be treated humanely. For those who live in the United States, there's a reason the Bill of Rights contains the Eighth Amendment—the government's duty to protect its citizen from cruel and unusual punishment. The idea that it's morally acceptable to treat "evil people" (i.e. murderers, rapists, etc.) like dogshit while they are locked up and/or prevented from doing further harm is one core flavor of the the newest brand of purity culture, but this time it's being weaponized by extremists on the radical left.

Coupled with societal distate toward any villain perceived to be appealing to a young female audience (you know which villains I mean), this new brand of purity culture has invaded fandom spaces as well. In countless narratives, authors are denied or criticized for giving fictional villains redemption arcs. In countless posts, fans are denied or criticized for feeling sympathy toward the ways in which villains can be victims. In Star Wars specifically, a large portion of fandom refuses to acknowledge Anakin's suffering. They label him as evil from birth and/or puberty, and they feel little-to-no compassion for the ways in which he was abused and traumatized (see this post for further description of this subject). Some of fandom even demonizes people like me for not sharing their viewpoints.

It makes sense that people who have been swayed by this new wave of puritanical propaganda will attempt to nullify any morbid fascination they feel toward Palpatine's abuse of Anakin/Vader. Showing sympathy toward a child-killer could easily result in an uncomfortable level of cognitive dissonance, after all. Thus, my hypothesis is that fandom created a new blorbo to cope with their guilt-ridden interest in Anakin. They created a palatable blorbo. A blorbo who shares the same general vibes but has committed less atrocities and is, therefore, still "redeemable." A blorbo who, by virtue of being a fanon creation, is inaccessible to the misogynist disgust society holds toward well-known villains. In other words, I believe that Fox fanon sprung from people's inability to face their sympathy for Anakin—or rather their inability to face the fact that there is no simple answer to the overlap between villainy and victimhood. And now, because of that, we have Fox whump. We have Fox fans who are convinced that a character who shares many similar attributes was evil from birth and/or puberty.

Whether my hypothesis is true or false, I am well aware that there is nothing I can do about the existence of Fox fanon now. I have little interest in ridding the world of Fox fanon anyway... In actuality, I hope with all of my soul that my hypothesis is false. Why? Because if my hypothesis is true, then that's a problem. And it hasn't gone away. And it isn't going away. Regardless of whether we individually like Fox or not, I think it's incredibly important that we collectively reflect on this.

[practically-an-x-man]

Talk Shop Tuesday!!!

How do your characters feel about travelling abroad? Do any of them have places they want to see?

Also, how do you handle writing places you've never been? How much research do you do? How much do you focus on being realistic about a setting you don't know?

Thank you!

Talk Shop Tuesday

First things first, it really depends on the character. Rae and Kestrel love traveling and would visit just about any place they have the opportunity for. Quinn likes seeing new places, but her interest in traveling also depends on the itinerary and how her health is doing at the time. Other characters, like Jasper, Jimmy, and Ophelia, are very comfortable staying home.

Second, how much research I do definitely depends on what I'm using the location for. If it's written in passing, like a reference to Rae having living in France for a time, I don't really worry with too many deep details. I might look up a few anecdotes, just to make things seem a little more realistic and interesting, but by and large I don't do too much deep research.

However, if it's important to the story, I go pretty deep into the research! It works out that a surprising number of my fics end up taking place in New York (Katherine's, Ophelia's and Gia's, Jimmy's, even Spider's), just because it's a really popular setting for movies and such, but I've never actually been to New York myself! A lot of what I pull from is either cross-referenced from other movies set in New York, pulled from friends' stories from times they visited, or done by looking at a lot of articles and maps for information.

You already know I'm a pretty heavy researcher, and location is no exception! I actually had a street view of Google Maps for Amsterdam pulled up when I wrote the most recent Desert Song chapter - not only were all the facts about the canals accurate, all of the street names and buildings she encounters do (or at least did, when the pictures were taken) exist in real life! That's actually where that "a pickup truck? in Amsterdam?" line came from, there was a big-ass American pickup truck in one of the Google Maps pictures and I found it so ludicrously out-of-place on the street that I had to include it!

There are some liberties I take, particularly when it comes to day-to-day life - for example, Katherine's favorite Italian bakery in WWFA? isn't modeled after anything in particular, it's just one of those "NYC is a huge city and it's well within believability to have a bakery here" things. I'd say my main structure is that factual or historical things are researched, while circumstantial or variable things (like the restaurants they go to) tend to be things I've just place in the story myself for convenience. I want the fics to feel like they take place in that location, but I'm not strict on lining every single tiny detail up when it comes to moments that don't require those specifics.

I do find another thing interesting - I'm a pretty observant person, especially when it comes to taking in new places or experiences. I feel like my grasp on writing London is pretty decent even though I've only been there once for a week-long college band trip (yes, I do still supplement with research and I won't say it's a perfect depiction, but I feel like it's good). I went to NOLA once for a few days with the same band, and I feel like it's given me a good feel for writing my various fics that take place there (again, not flawless and I acknowledge that, but I feel like I've picked up enough of the layout, history, and general Vibe to write it convincingly).

Or even with more specific locations: on that trip to London, I made it a point to visit the British Museum and dragged my travel buddy through the whole place (I say dragged, but like... he enjoyed it too. We spent ten minutes finding the Ea-Nasir tablet together), mostly because I just love museums but also so that I could get a sense for the layout and any notable exhibits for the London section of WWFA?. I found that there were a few discrepancies, either that the exhibits have changed since 2014 or that they just made some things up for the third NATM movie, but even just having the general layout and certain sensory details like how big the rooms really are and how they feel when you're in them (especially the Ancient Egypt exhibit. we spent ages in the Ancient Egypt exhibit bc you better believe I read every single placard) helped me capture that vibe when I wrote the fic.

Anyway. I'm exhausted and stressed and I know I'm rambling but the short answer is: it depends. If it's important to the plot or helps to sell the atmosphere, I research. If it's a throwaway detail or something that could easily exist without needing to be researched, like a restaurant the characters go to, I just let it be my artistic liberty. And I think I'm pretty good about capturing the vibe of a place I've been to before, even if I've only been there once!

[sophieinwonderland]

Today We're Talking About Ethics and Dual Relationships!

One more thing that bothered me was an anecdote DIDadoseofreality mentioned where they engineered a scenario that allowed their student, who they were also the therapist of, to talk about trauma in front of the whole class.

Now, in this anecdote, they're sure to make it clear that they asked their student if he was okay participating in this exercise. And the student had allegedly expressed a desire before to be able to talk about his trauma in a way that wouldn't make him feel foolish. So they present this as doing the student a favor.

And maybe that is how the student perceived it.

But... this is also a really uncomfortable power dynamic where your therapist who you share privileged information with is using that privileged information in your classroom to pressure you into sharing traumatic events with all your classmates.

And while the student allegedly gave consent for his teacher/therapist to blog about it the incident later, his therapist is his teacher.

There is a huge power dynamic in play there for pressuring a patient into waiving their HIPAA rights.

And while I sure do hope the teacher/therapist had the presence of mind to at least use a pseudonym for their student/patient and that their student/patient's name isn't actually Zac, it really doesn't matter because anyone in that class or told what happened by people in the class could stumble upon the blog post and now know that Zac's in therapy with their teacher.

Because after describing this event in the class in detail they also thank Zac for letting them tell everyone what Zac did Monday. Which, for a post made 4 days ago, places this incident multiple people know about on October 30th.

Unless some of the details were falsified beyond the name of the students, I'm going to hazard a guess and say that there was only one class anywhere where a student participated in an exercise that followed the exact sequence of events described on that blog, including Zac's specific trauma, on October 30th 2023.

...

I tried doing further research to find out if this was common or if it was even ethical. What I found first was a Quora thread with a bunch of different opinions. Well, the same opinion mostly but from different people.

I wasn't clear on dual-relationships or how they worked, so I decided to do further reading and came across this article. (Since I'm not one to just trust Quora at its word when there are better sources to be had.) Here are some excerpts.

This is not a simple "all dual relationships are bad." There is clearly nuance to this.

But if this relationship could impair their objectivity or competence in their role as a therapist, then they're supposed to avoid that relationship.

Now, one answer in that Quora thread described an example of a therapist-professor relationship working well for them with proper precautions and going to extraordinary lengths to keep those lines separate.

This is clearly not how DIDadoseofreality behaved though.

They used privileged information to influence how they treat their student in the classroom, got their student to open up about a traumatic event in front of everyone, then while having power over their client in their dual relationship as a teacher, they got their client to waive their HIPAA rights and allow their story to be posted on the internet for all to see. And potentially reveal to their classmates that the student is seeing their teacher as a therapist.

These are massive ethical violations.

I frankly would not trust them as a therapist OR a teacher.

If I were Zac, I would be shopping for a new therapist because mine could clearly not be trusted to keep their dual relationships separate.

If I were DIDadoseofreality, I would be looking for a colleague I could recommend Zac to for the same reason. I would also promptly delete my post describing the events of October 30th before a student or someone connected to me in real life identifies me and reports me for what are obviously ethics violation as both a therapist and a teacher.

[system-of-a-feather]

Some Anecdotal Debunking Things About DID Treatment and DID in General

So we're thinking of possibly taking a VOLUNTARY break from therapy as we swap insurances, pick up a new job, open a new part in life etc due to it being an additional complication and we have gotten to a place in healing where we are not as dependent on regular professional support (though we do intend to return when settled to work through a few more things)

And while I know its no where compared to how long some others have been in it, after 7 years of weekly / biweekly therapy and 5 years of DID specialist therapist who explicitly worked with the FBI that helped victims from trafficking cases (luckily not us) just some straight up things about DID that I see non-DID people saying especially on a certain other website that starts with r and ends int t.

Thought it would be a fun thing to do while biking and before studying.

DISCLAIMER: This is based on my experience in healing and working with my therapist. My answers are not the only experience. This is 100% anecdotal. I don't think this will get big enough for me to need to say this, but do not use this post as evidence for literally anything.

"DID isn't having a bunch of friends in your head talking and making jokes and waiting for turns!"

Eh, usually not but why can't it be? Like it takes time and work but people without DID can sit in their head and make jokes at themselves and have fun with themselves. Why is it so outlandish that someone with DID could eventually be happy enough with themselves to get that? Cause tbh, its a lot of how thing are now for us so...

"DID is due to severe and horrific childhood trauma! There can't be this many people who experienced that!"

Oh how I WISH I had your naivety.

"No therapist would just acknowledge something! They would always diagnose! If they don't diagnose you don't have it."

Nah they do. Sometimes its not the main or relevant concern to diagnose (as DID is the primary diagnosis) and other times the diagnosis itself is stigmatizing and/or not the strongest in its construct (a lot of personality disorders) or most of the symptoms of that disorder are mostly covered by other disorders; or just straight up they don't like to diagnose those disorders for a number of clinical reasons. Also, sometimes people are undiagnosable which does not mean "does not have" but that their specific case makes it impossible to create a certain diagnostic differential as it is unclear which came first. We are undiagnosable for autism as we have had an autism and trauma specialist both say we behave and appear very autistic however we have too few overt dysfunctions so it is unsure if we "learned it" from the two family members we have + have OCD, OCPD and PTSD or if we are just a well-adjusted / adapted individual. Either way, it would hardly be a relevant diagnosis, so no therapist finds value in trying to spend time getting the the core of it.

"You can't switch on command!"

Yes but no. You can learn to be really good at switching and drawing parts out but there will always be a margin of error cause shit be like that.

"You can't have two alters talking at the same time at the front! You can't rapid switch"

Yeah nah, we've had four it's chill. Welcome to lessening dissociative barriers.

"You can't split alters after childhood"

the fuck you on about of course you can life sucks after childhood too dumbass

"Introjects / Fictional Introjects aren't real!"

Nah. *sips drink in introject*

"Animal alters aren't real! Inanimate object alters aren't real!"

Nah. Our therapist has seen dragons and zombies and werewolves, we had even specifically mentioned this. They're pretty darn common.

"Why are all their alters QUEER?"

Have you considered.... that they might be queer? Just a thought.

"If you had DID people would know! It would be obvious!"

Nope.

"If you had DID no one would know! It would be covert!"

Also nope.

"A GOOD therapist would not let you operate as different parts! They wouldn't feed into the delusion! They'd have you fuse"

Wow, I didn't know forcing your patient to do anything is the HALLMARK of a good therapist, thanks for letting me know. /s

"DID is a life altering disorder! It would ruin your life! You would be unable to do anything!"

Uhhhh no. That's just infantilizing and honestly a really negative / problematic thing to say about anyone with mental illness. Thats the shit that perpetuates the "this mentally ill person should be institutionalized 24/7

"People with DID can't drive!"

Partially true. A lot of people with DID can struggle with driving, but plenty can navigate that.

"Parts can't talk to one another! Parts don't know about eachother! Parts dont know / talk / do XYZ"

Nope. Just that shits all dumb ngl get your head out of your ass.

"People with DID would hate having parts! People with DID would not actually identify as multiple people! People with DID would be chronically miserable!"

Bro stop. Not true.

"People with DID would ALWAYS identify as multiple people. People with DID would LOVE having parts"

Not as common of a thing I've heard but also not true

"Befriending and sharing your experiences / being overt with your DID expression is only harmful and only worsening the condition."

Nah a large part of DID recovery is learning about your disorder and the parts you have to navigate life with and realistically it is very difficult to hide this disorder from people who are permanent parts in your life so a lot of the time - at least with your close personnel - it's very important to be open and communicative about it and leave space for all parts to exist as they wish.

"You can't have THAT many disorders"

Have you read about how badly chronic childhood stress fucks up the body and brain? People with DID tend to have a fucking essay worth of diagnoses. Chronic childhood traumatic stress is extremely damaging and taxing.

That's all for now cause I need to get to studying but just a few. Maybe Ill add more as I think of more stupid things I've heard.

EDIT: one more important one

"XYZ trauma isn't real! This is all just the Satanic Panic! False Memories! Iatrogenic! XYZ trauma is fake! RAMCOA isn't real!"

You are a mother fucking little bitchy asshole huh. Who the fuck do you think you are? Please refer to fucking #2 and I wish I had your naivety

[invisibleraven]

showing each other their favourite places in the city for any part of the GPP

Reggie was almost buzzing with excitement as the plane taxied down the runway. Then startled as Kayla reached over and squeezed his hand, giving him a reassuring smile.

"You okay honey britches?' she asked teasingly.

Reggie giggled, then took a breath. "Excited mostly. I can't wait for you all to meet MeeMaw and see the place where I grew up."

"We can't wait to see it either," Carrie said from her place next to the window. "Are you sure your grandmother will okay with the whole su thing?"

"She knows I'm in a relationship with all of you," Reggie replied. "She's cool with it. She lived it up in the time of free love, and all she wants is for me to be happy and to feed everyone who visits their wait in peaches."

"I love peaches!" Willie exclaimed from across the aisle. "You think I could scale a tree and get some?"

"Only if you wanna break your neck," Alex snarked.

"I'd be more worried about him trying to smuggle a farm animal home," Luke joked.

"No stealing MeeMaw's chickens!" Julie admonished.

Willie shuddered at that. "Yeah, no worries there. Me and poultry have never gotten along. I prefer cows."

"Then I'll have to introduce you to Mildred," Reggie said.

Eventually they were able to de-plane, gathering their baggage and then Reggie saw MeeMaw, running into her arms, swinging her around.

"Reginald put me down!" she said, laughing the whole time. "You're gonna break my old bones!"

"Hush you," Reggie replied as he set her down, smiling at her, trying not to notice who many more wrinkles he could see, or how much taller he was than her now-it had been far too many years since he came back. "Missed you MeeMaw."

"Missed you too sugar plum," she said, stroking his cheek. "Now introduce me to your crew."

Every one of them got introduced to her, and she was able to recall their names and anecdotes about them as she embraced them, insisting they call her MeeMaw, or at least Chavalah instead of Mrs. Curtis. Before too long she had them bundled into a large van she had borrowed from Mr. Abernathy down the way and was driving them back to the farm.

The whole way Reggie pointed out little places in town he had loved-the sweet shop that always snuck him goodies in exchange for milk or eggs from the farm. The single screen movie theatre that he had seen a million showings of Star Wars in. The clothing store that sold him his first pair of chaps and his embarrassment when he found out he had to put them on over pants.

"Can we get cowboy hats?" Flynn asked. "And boots?"

"Of course we can my little fashionista," Reggie cooed. "Though they'll be in a neutral tone, so you may have to bedazzle yours to make them worthy of your fabulousness."

"That sounds like a fun challenge," Flynn replied.

Soon enough the farm came into view, the lot of them taking in the majestic windmill, the sprawling fields, the roaming animals. Pops was standing on the porch, leaning on his cane a bit heavily for Reggie's taste bit his smile-warm and bright and just like his own-made those worries melt away.

"Now some of you will have to bunk together," MeeMaw said as she dished up supper that night. "But I reckon none of you have a problem with that."

The eight of them giggled and assured them they didn't. Eagerly eating the meal-full of homemade bread, farm grown veggies, and fish that Pops had caught the day before. Plus hefty glasses of lemonade and a peach cobbler for dessert that got demolished in seconds.

The next few days were full of Reggie showing off his favourite spots-trees he loved to climb, the hayloft that he hid in to write music, the horses that let him ride all over the county-though only a few of his partners were willing to join him in the saddle.

He showed them the swimming hole leading to a fun afternoon of skinny dipping and a naked picnic in the shade of the nearby willow tree. The place sin town that he had missed on the way in-the small temple he went to every Sabbath, the small general store with penny candy and a soda fountain. The park that he enjoyed many a sunny afternoon at.

Everyone found it enchanting-loving the slower pace of life, helping out in certain ways at the farm, the quaint nature of life here. Willie delighted in helping make desserts with MeeMaw who promised to load him up with peaches. Pops showing Kayla and Flynn how to play spoons, the jug, and the washboard just for fun. Alex enjoying a nap or three in the hammock in the back, feeling his worries melt away as the gentle breeze swayed him to sleep with a barnyard cat curled up in his arms.

Luke played for them every night, even indulging Reggie in a few folk tunes, which made MeeMaw beam. The rest of them indulging in star gazing and firefly catching at their leisure as the soft melodies rang out over the fields. Carrie and Julie took to riding like naturals, loving riding the day away, and Reggie tried to spend time with all of them and his grandparents, feeling more at home-more himself-than he had in awhile.

"I don't wanna go," he confessed to Julie that night. "I love it here and miss it so much when I go."

"We can always come back cariño," Julie assured him.

"I don't think any of us will object," Luke added as he entered the room, towelling his hair dry. "We all love it here. Honestly I'd be cool with us coming back here for the holidays or after our next tour."

"And your grandparents can always come visit us in LA," Julie stated.

"That sounds good," Reggie replied. Snuggling in and letting himself drift off, knowing that while his home lay with his loves, now this place that had been his place for so long now held a piece of their hearts as well.

[thebroccolination]

Thank you thank you thank you OMG thank you so much for making your post about Krist! I know it takes a lot of effort!

I remember seeing the post about him being Homophobic, and I took it at face value because I couldn't be bothered to look into it, and because I never really saw him in any other productions.

I'm so extremely happy to have been given this opportunity to rectify my opinion on Krist, and as a queer person myself I entirely agree with your point about him being "vetted" by other queer people. It holds immense meaning to me.

I can't call myself a fan of Krist, mostly because I've barely seen anything with him. But as a queer person, it hurts me to know that someone who provides safety and warmth to the queer community was/is being bashed by a community I am part of.

So, thank you for spending time and effort to compile and share your thoughts, and the corresponding evidence and discourse related to Krist. And thank you for being upfront with your bias, and for acknowledging the various opinions present in the discourse.

PS: I skip plenty of heterosexual intimacy scenes because I feel kinda disconnected from them and they're not really doing anything for me. So even if Krist was being dead serious with that point, I feel that's fully valid. If you're watching something for entertainment and enjoyment, isn't it fine to skip intimacy scenes if they're not your cup of tea???

Ahh, thank you so much for this, Anon. It truly, genuinely means a lot to me. :')

I really wasn't the best person to make that post. I don't speak Thai, I've only been here for three years, and I've followed BounPrem more closely from the beginning, so there were a lot of Krist-related clips and links that I needed help finding. But I made it because I hoped it would serve as a jumping-off point for new fans and for people who'd be willing to see things from a different perspective.

There's just such a massive dissonance between the image interfandom has painted of Krist and the loud but sweet guy I've followed for the past three years. There were a lot of clips and anecdotes and stories I chose not to include in my thread/post purely because they were subjective and I didn't want to distract from the factual stuff I could find (social media posts, interviews, etc.). When you're filmed as much as he has been for the past seven years, you can't really hide who you are in a general sort of sense. And Krist really does just seem…very kind in general.

The reason I even started paying attention to him in the first place was because of a video posted by a Thai fan. He didn't have time to greet fans outside the GMMTV building because he'd gotten stuck in traffic and he had to rush to something, so he did a very quick hello/wai to the fans waiting for him and promised to come back soon. When he did, he noticed one of the fans was missing and asked the rest where she went. The remaining fans said she had to leave because she had to catch a plane (iirc) to her home elsewhere in Thailand, and Krist looked instantly guilty and remorseful that she'd waited for him. I think he even said, "Why didn't she say so?" sort of rhetorically, and I really do think he would have taken the time to talk with her if he'd known she had to leave soon. I just admire him for remembering them all well enough to notice that one was missing. That sort of kindness stands out to me.

[small rambling section]

(I apologize for using your ask for such a long post, Anon!)

Seeing the vitriol Krist gets from international fans really disappoints me. Even when he posted in support for Pride Month last week, he had dozens of international fans jumping down his throat attacking him for it because they assumed it was disingenuous even though he has been publicly supportive of the queer community outside Pride Month for years.

To no one's surprise, that level of hate just isn't present in Thai fandom. And if Krist were the monster he's been portrayed as, wouldn't Thai fans be just as, if not more, vocal about it? I mean, I'm sure Krist has his share of Thai fans who don't like him for whatever reason, but the only people I see throwing that IG story around and saying Krist should kill himself are international fans.

So.

That's a fun reputation we have.

Personally, I don't live my life in pursuit of punishment for strangers. If I don't like a celebrity, I don't give them my attention. I don't interact with them. Like, I don't know what their deal is, what they're going through. I may judge them privately, but putting that toxicity into public forums just invites toxic responses, and that's not what fandom is for me.

I truly believe that Krist was never homophobic in any way. I think he was just Very Tired of all the harassment and stalking he and Singto had to go through at a very young age before GMMTV was posting any kind of "hey everyone calm down maybe" notices.

I also know now that there's a lot more context and nuance behind Krist's early career mistakes that I still don't know, because I only got here in 2020 and I don't speak Thai. Since BMF starting airing, though, there have been older fans sharing my thread on Twitter and my post here on Tumblr, and sharing more details. Some are things I suspected, like that because SOTUS kicked off the BL wave, Krist and Singto faced a metric ton of homophobia themselves. It wasn't just fans, either, it was the country as a whole.

I don't know so much about Thai BL even after three years in this fandom, so it's bizarre and disturbing to me how enthusiastically non-Thai fans like to jump in and crucify Thai actors with an air of superiority. Even the official subtitles on the series we watch aren't reliable, and yet people think that auto-generated translations or translations done by fans from one second language into another as a hobby to help other fans get the gist of what an actor is saying is some irrefutable evidence that validates a campaign to tell actors thousands of kilometers away to kill themselves?

Like, I dunno, buddy, isn't uplifting the actors you do admire more worth your energy? And not in a "my actor is better than yours" way, but in a genuine "this thing this person did made me happy" way. "I can do both!" Yeah, I guess. But why? Harassing people helps no one. It's performative activism at best, and at worst, you're just bolstering the culture of cyberbullying that has led and will continue to lead people to take their own lives. Krist has suffered from depression. He has been to four different therapists. He is a real person with family and pets and a history of kindness that means he's quickly adopted by most of the people he works with. If you're going to take up an axe against someone, make it a politician or a lobbyist or someone who doesn't regularly use his platform to speak out for queer rights.

[end rambling]

I may spend more time on Twitter while Be My Favorite is airing just because I've seen a decent amount of Recreational Krist Hate and not enough positivity to balance it out here on Tumblr. Since his fanbase is more active on Twitter, there's been a lot of positivity to enjoy. <3

But that's why I was so happy to get this message from you, Anon. (I hope it's clear that none of my rambling up there was directed at you.)

Thank you for being kind enough to reach out. It really made the time and energy it took to make that post feel worth it. :)

[joycieillustrations]

Hello! I found the scene in the finale between Corlys and Alyn very intriguing but am eager to hear your thoughts on it in terms of whether or not it clarified anything for you/for the representation of Corlys in your fics. I thought your last ask on the subject was interesting as I've struggled to make sense of Corlys and his actions all season. I'm still mostly at a loss.

Hi there! Thanks for your ask 😊

I’m going to preface this with the caveat that I still haven’t watched the episode yet. I’m in the UK so I’m asleep when the episode first airs (don’t have the energy to stay up until 3am anymore 😩) and due to my mental health being a bit rubbish recently, I haven’t really wanted to sit down and watch it. That being said, a couple of friends kindly transcribed the scenes for me and also summarised the performances etc., so I know what happens and how.

In all honesty, it doesn’t change much of what I’ve got planned. What this scene has confirmed for me (and I may be proven wrong by Season 3 when it airs) is my belief that Alyn is older than Laenor. To me, the imagery he uses in his (very justified) angry refusal of Corlys brings to mind an eldest child who saw a life that could have been his taken and given to a younger half-brother simply because he is legitimate. The fact that, in this anecdote, Laenor and Corlys are picking out sweets gives the image of Laenor being quite young - so young that he is still being indulged by his father, something that we see Corlys is not wont to do - and Alyn being old enough to understand who Corlys is, why there is a difference between himself and Laenor, and also to be out working. Now, this maturity and cognisance may simply be because Alyn has had to grow up faster because of his lowborn status, but I think Alyn being older too holds more weight.

Another reason this scene makes me think Alyn is older than Laenor is this anger that is present. He almost sounds - in modern terms - like a child of divorce, like someone who feels like they’ve been cast aside for a chance at a ‘better’ family. To me, this anger would make even more sense if Alyn had been born first: that he’d look at Corlys with Laenor and wonder why he wasn’t good enough? Why did Corlys need another son when he had Alyn? What did he do wrong? What did he do to make Corlys abandon them, abandon his mother (who I’ll refer to as Marilda from now on, even though her identity hasn’t been confirmed in the show)? Why did Corlys come back and father another child on Marilda and then abandon them again? Is he the reason Addam has had to grow up without a father? None of this is Alyn’s fault, of course, but a child blaming themselves for the breakdown of their parents’ relationship is a very common thing (speaking from experience). On a rational level, I think this older Alyn knows that really Corlys could never have married Marilda because she herself is lowborn (and potentially also a bastard), but that doesn’t erase the hurt he feels from his childhood. He saw the man he knew was his father with a wife who wasn’t his mother and watched as they raised a son whom Corlys openly loved and cherished.

I have written a detailed response where I go into more depth about my personal canon re. when the fathering of both Alyn and Addam takes place, what I think about what this means for Corlys and Rhaenys’ marriage, etc. but I think I’ll post that separately. I want a little more time to refine my points - especially as I think there’s a lot of different factors at play when it comes to the fandom’s response to Corlys having bastards - and I don’t want to overwhelm you by making what is already a very long answer even longer!

I will summarise briefly here with this: I think Alyn was born before/very early on in Corlys and Rhaenys’ marriage and that Addam was conceived during a very low point in their marriage where Corlys and Rhaenys were both under a lot of strain. I think the conception of Addam occurred through Corlys making a very poor decision in a moment of weakness, seeking comfort he’d normally find in his wife. From S2 Corlys’ lack of knowledge about Marilda, despite her having two children with him, I don’t think it was an ongoing emotional affair, but rather she was an easy escape for him, having already had a child with him. Like I said, I’ll go into more detail with a later post - let me know if you’d like me to tag you!

Thanks again for your ask and I hope this answers at least some of your questions! ☺️

[anotherhumaninthisworld]

Do we have many personal letters of Robespierre’s?

You can decide for yourself by looking at Correspondance de Maximilien et Augustin Robespierre (1926) by Georges Michon. It includes all letters that we have to or from him (at least I’ve never seen anyone reference letters that are not mentioned in the correspondence as well, although it’s still possible we have some private collectors out there). It is much more complete than say Correspondance inédit de Camille Desmoulins (1836) where the publisher only included letters deemed to ”present any historical interest,” while giving many others away to obscure friends. Michon truly took everything he could lay his hands on. Some letters are merely summarized while others are simply mentioned but then not cited. But these are always referenced to places many of which can be accessed online today, for example jstor, Papiers inédits trouvés chez Robespierre and other correspondences.The exceptions are unpublished letters that remain in the archives.

All that said, I don’t really know if I would say we have that many personal letters from Robespierre, if by ”personal” we mean letters that reveal things regarding his own personal/private life rather than his public/political one. Otherwise, every letter could could technically be called personal since they reveal Robespierre’s personal view on what’s currently going on.

The two oldest letters we have are from 1778, while Robespierre’s still at college. In the first one he’s asking abbé Proyart to see the bishop of Arras for him, since he lacks a tailcoat to present himself in, and in the the other he’s asking the eminent lawyer Jean-Baptiste Mercier-Dupaty to serve as some sort of mentor for him as he’s starting his law studies. So not that personal and already mostly work related.

For his time spent as a lawyer, we have five letters that are work related, but also six which are a bit more personal. The first one is from January 1782 and is adressed to one mademoiselle Duhay, whom Robespierre thanks for giving him a cage of canaries:

”Apropos of such a serious object, Mademoiselle, may I be permitted to speak of canaries! These canaries are without a doubt interesting... and how could they not considering they come from you? They are very pretty; we expected that being raised by you they would still be the sweetest the most sociable of all canaries. What was our surprise when, approaching their cage, we saw them rush against the bars with an impetuosity that made us fear for their lives! And this is the game they start over every time they see the hand that feeds them. What plan of education have you adopted for them, and whence comes their savage character?”

There’s also a letter dated 1783 and adressed to ”a lady,” by Michon identified as Charlotte Buissart, a close friend of Robespierre and his siblings. In it, Robespierre talks about a trip to Carvin and recounts many anecdotes regarding his stay, among others this one:

”Since we arrived, every moment has been filled with pleasures. Since last Saturday, I have been stuffing myself with tarts. Fate placed my bed in the room where the patisseries are kept; this exposes me to the temptation of eating all night long, but I determined that it is good to control one’s passions and slept amid these seductive objects.”

Once he moves to Paris, I would say there’s a single letter that’s not mainly work related, and it’s dated February 15 1793 and adressed to Danton, offering him condolences over the death of his wife. Most common are the letters written between Maximilien, Augustin and Antoine Buissart, husband of the previously mentioned Charlotte Buissart, but the revolution is the subject which these letters with 95% covers, with some sentimental phrases thrown in here and there (”Testify, I beg you, to Madame Buissart, all my respectful attachment and the regrets that the circumstances which deprive me for a long time of her presence cause me”, ”I pick up my pen rather to give you a mark of my inviolable friendship, which you are not permitted to doubt, than to enjoy an ongoing conversation with you.” ”I supped the day with Pétion. With what joy we saw each other again! With what delight we embraced!” etc)

Curiously, we don’t have any letters written from Maximilien to Charlotte or Augustin, nor can I find an example of him telling Buissart to say hello from him to them. Charlotte does however claim in her memoirs that the siblings frequently corresponded, so if she’s telling the truth there those letters have either been destroyed or gone missing. Perhaps they contained more private details…

There are some letters that are work related but with a personal touch, such as when Robespierre writes to a sick Couthon telling him about the political situation and at the same time saying he impatiently waiting for news regarding his health, or when he asks a newly-wedded Desmoulins to announce a speech he’s sent to him, writing that ”neither the beautiful eyes nor the fine qualities of charming Lucile” are reasons for not doing it.

After his entrance to the CPS it would appear Robespierre stops writing any letters outside of the committee ones, so not a very personal area.

Even if we don’t have that many personal letters per se, we do have some private papers found at Robespierre’s place after his death. These include among other things a list of patriots deemed to have ”more or less talent”, notes on deputies he considers ”suspect” and a ”catechism” on how to solve the internal and external war situation. These are of course still work related, but it’s still material that allows us to enter the private mind of Robespierre, and something that doesn’t exist for many other French revolutionaires.