#(bc seriously so many people don't know this is happening and we are SO low on strike funds rn)

[morphogenetic]

if you haven’t already heard, graduate student TAs & researchers, postdocs, and other academic workers from the entire University of California system (Berkeley, UCLA, and 8 others, along with the Lawrence Berkeley national lab) are going on strike starting on Monday. for quick reference on what the unions are fighting for, TAs currently make between 15k-33k a year depending on department (chemistry TAs at my campus make 33k, and they’re probably some of the best paid), as do GSRs. i know factually that there are people in my department who struggle to pay rent, despite the fact that all of us, by definition, have an undergraduate degree or higher already. most of us are not making enough to survive in the high cost-of-living area that is California, and we are not all lucky enough to have family financial support.

(the UC system has also failed to bargain lawfully, to the extent that the Public Employment Relations Board (PERB) has filed several complaints on behalf of the unions, but honestly, the thing I’m more concerned about is getting paid fairly)

if you have the financial capabilities to donate to the emergency assistance fund, the link to that is here.

if you don’t have the finances, but do have the ability to join the picket line or voice your support via this letter to the UC president, that would be extremely helpful as well

[fujimiiiya]

im always confused about people who harass and bully when its easier to just block users who enjoy ships and taboos they don’t like or are uncomfortable with. i personally take no offense to that. i think its more respectful and safer for everyone. i know it can hurt sometimes but being attacked hurts more smhh

Imo it's useless to try to understand why they prefer to act like jerks to strangers bcs they are, like you said, harasser and bully in their core, while we are not. Another thing is they have too much free time on their hands but not much exciting things happen in their lives so they need smth to do or distract themselves from reality, and what they choose is to be lowlives hiding behind online anonymity bcs it's relatively safe. They won't get real lawsuits for online insults, right? The most they can get is being reported, (if the assaulted even care enough or take them seriously enough) and lose their free account, which they can always make a new one. It's a cowardice act and ppl who actually know better and have better moral grounds than what these harassers always preach about won't do. It's totally not worth to even regard them, ppl who choose to insult real person over fictional characters, that alone makes their logic automatically questionable, bcs there are more important matters out there than defending fictional characters that will nvr say thanks to them anyway.

There's a lot of plausible underlying causes:

1. they could be ppl with lots of RL problems, frustrated, or even oppressed ppl irl who can't act how they really want so they need some kind of outlet to vent and thus they act like some righteous thugs.

2. They try to cover their insecurity, low self-esteem, or inferiority complex by acting aggresive. By harassing others who they think are 'immorals' about fiction, they get some sorta self-validation, satisfaction, no matter how vain and petty it is, that they are the ones who are right and thus superior ones.

When it comes to ship wars, those who are deliberately shitting on the ships or shippers themselves most of the times can actually due to some degree of them being insecure abt their own ships, but they'd try hard to deny it with all their might. If they are confident abt their own faves or ships, they wouldn't focus on characters or ships they hate...or again, they have too much useless free time on their hands.

3. They try to find chances, thinking that by harassing those who like certain ships or the content creators for those ships continuosly, they will be discouraged or prevent others who are about to like the ship to be hesitant to show their love due to the drama, so the ships will look like they are less popular. This, I'm sure, is the case w/ some of popular ships that they deem as "problematic". However, we already know that it actually has reverse psychology effect, as the more we are harassed, the stronger mentality we have and the more we wanna show how valid and loved our ships are by creating more fanworks about them. Because we don't care what they say.

Now don't get me wrong. I do understand why some people dislike certain ships. I'm not trying to invalidate their personal reasons behind them. Fiction can indeed trigger some trauma or bad memories for others. Or you can simply dislike the ship bcs it's lame. I myself have so many landmines and dislikes when it comes to ships, or even tropes within my own ships. But I won't bother focusing on them, let alone spending time to interact w/ the posts I hate. I will just surround myself w/ things I like, with like-minded peeps. That's what makes us different from them.

Tldr; When the antis think it's alright to insult the shippers it's when they are no longer to be taken seriously and engaging w/ them has no point anymore. I think you don't even need to feel hurt about it. We should actually pity them bcs those who are fueled by negativity, must be surrounded by negativity too on daily basis hence that's what they know how to do. Trust me, someone who are surrounded by positivity and love irl, or want it that way, won't deliberately act like pricks or hate others over these trivial matters. It's their pettiness talking. Regardless, they still want you to think they are superior. Pity them and be the bigger person and don't let them drag you to step down to their low level.

[rockanroller]

The animation was pretty good, the one thing that bugged me to no end were charlie and vaggies bangs they were really distracting and just off character models but the animators put their all, the camera and editing isn’t good. BG/props/color keys were great but too great like it eat the characters up so much, not even Scott pilgrim or castlevania nocturne had this problem Voice acting was ok. Erika is the best thus far Alastor and nifty are alright, Vaggie Angel and husk were rough, Vaggie just sounds dead, Angel goes from sounding like a nasally teenager to trying to sound like Michael, and Keith doesn’t fit husk. They dropped a new clip of husk and Angel. You can hear Kieth David more and he drops the gruff and sticks with his smooth voice and it doesn’t work with Husk. I know people are tired of hearing this but Keith voice doesn’t fit Husk.

Vox and Vel were really good. I thought adam was bad (he is he’s really bad) but man Valentino is terrible, he’s not menacing, he’s keeping changing accents and he’s voices cracks so much it’s funny but also sad I can’t take him seriously he’s such a joke. This was the guy everyone was hyping up on the crew and fanart? People were saying the dialogue sheets they got leaked were old, they were not old, some of the stuff that was on that sheet made to the Final Cut except worse somehow.

people were saying sir pent new va was good and I heavily disagree he sounds worse than the pilot VA. I couldn’t stand his voice.

agreed on the animation/bg/props/color remarks. especially how Charlie & Vaggie's bangs were distracting, they really were especially when it seems like it was such a struggle keeping them on-model making it even more distracting. for the voice acting it's really interesting to me seeing so many different takes on the VA's various performances.

i do think having many of the fans so enthralled with the pilot, hearing voices that are different is jarring, especially if they don't feel like they add up to or match the previous voices' performances or tones. replacing the cast was a really iffy decision and many are insistent it never should've happened while others feel there "had" to have been *some* reason for it. and of course replacing pilots casts isn't unheard of--Billy West voiced Zim in the IZ Pilot episode and we all know that changed, and Richard Horvitz knocked it out of the park and made Zim into an extremely memorable character for many.

but i won't deny there are some obvious weaknesses. these are my personal takes on the voice acting, and you may disagree:

-Charlie was fine, in some points very good, fun execution. the only thing i wasn't a fan of was the "voice breaking about to cry bc this story i'm reading is just so sad" moments she had while reading the "creation story" at the beginning of the first episode, made me cringe. and i do agree with others who've said her cussing felt out of place. (some were fine/ok enough, but others weren't) -Vaggie was...weird, it felt like her voice didn't match, but i got used to it. tho i agree with what some have said how her voice was "too" low-emotion to the point it was bland. i felt her saying "fuck" in her "what the *FUCK* was that" at Alastor felt forced--later swears were ok--and her duetted line in Charlie's Happy Day In Hell song sounded so off that it startled me. -Angel Dust was in and out--his first few lines were *very* rough. voice was all over and cracked in a way that wasn't natural or charming, felt more to me of an "I'm trying too hard to do a specific voice" type of crack/strain. tho i think it either smoothed out or i got used to it bc i didn't notice it the rest of ep 1 or all of ep 2. -Alastor was fine to me. many say they prefer Ed's performance but i haven't seen the pilot since it came out so i'd have to rewatch to say for sure if i feel it's any sort of "downgrade". but i *did* notice, twice, there were lines where they just suddenly dropped his radio filter? that was really weird. it felt like it was supposed to be for...idk...emphasis? like "oh he meant that the filter turned off" but it was just jarring. i also know some feel that they toned down the radio filter too far, but i thought it was okay, and as someone who has a hard time hearing words if they aren't crystal clear, i had a much easier time understanding Alastor in these first 2 episodes than i did in the pilot. -Husk didn't jar me, Keith seemed fine, but again having not seen the pilot in years and Husk having less lines (i think?) i can't remember what Husk originally sounded like. but you're probably right about the gruff getting lost in his lines later. overall it kinda sounded like Keith really enjoyed the cussing and i'm kinda solidly divided on if that made it feel more forced or more natural. -Nifty i *think* was good/decent? she had fewer lines and very brief moments so they went by quickly. -Vox was good, no complaints -Vel was also good, no complaints -Val, like you say, was a mess. right from the get-go his accent was all over the place. it was there, then it wasn't, then another accent was, then it wasn't, then finally several lines later he slipped into this deeper "sexy" accent and i finally was like "oh *that's* what accent it's supposed to be"--he literally would flip-flop between "saucy/menacing voice with an accent" to "flat American voice that's literally just some guy" and it was bewildering. -Adam i loved and i personally feel Alex nailed the lines, i think if anyone else did it he would've been insufferable to me--but i can see how some felt Adam came off badly / too strong. he made me laugh, altho i kinda expect as a character he's going to get worse, it was only his initial appearance that amused me and to reiterate from my last post i lowkey suspect it only made me laugh so much bc the episode so far had already worn me down. -Lute i wanna say was fine but i kinda frankly don't remember. -Sir Pentious was fine to me--really silly--but i again am gonna say i barely remember his pilot voice so i can't say if it's a downgrade to me or not. hearing it w/o remembering what Stamper's performance was like had me feeling like it was a good voice, and he had good moments that made me chuckle. -Katie Killjoy i already mentioned in a previous post but i *really* don't know what they were thinking having Brandon not only voice her but not even do anything unique with it? it was jarring and felt super out-of-place to me. i honestly think his execution was pretty mid as well. i think that's everyone? lmk if i forgot any or you wanna know anything else. and ty for giving me your two cents in the ask!

[deviantartdramahub]

So, DADramaNow, you're not just attacking Club purely out of ableism? Lol okay, lemme show you in more depth detail why we know that isn't true.

3 notes

Here they're making fun of Club bc he doesn't always understand sarcasm or humor. One of the most well known things about autism is that it makes you struggle to understand tones or social cues. That of course will be an especial problem on the internet, unless you use tone tags. This makes it clear they're making fun of one of his struggles he has due to autism. They're making fun of something pretty much all autistic people struggle with at least a few times in their life. In fact, it might happen to you even if you don't have autism, it's a simple, small, innocent mistake. The fact that they're making fun of Club for this is just malicious.

3 notes

You do know not all autistic people are "high-functioning", right?? It's called a spectrum for a reason. NO autistic person deserves to be made fun of for their ability, no matter how high or low it is. Even if Eduard's just a fictional character, it's messed up that you say this and not take into consideration he's not able to.

 1 note <- Here they say "psycho" is an ableist term...

0 notes <- But here you had no trouble calling Tri a "psychopath"??

Not only is it hypocrisy, but also looking pretty damn ableist.

2 notes

Here's them downplaying ableism just bc there's more than one oppressed group. Seriously?? Trust me, as a bi person AND an autistic person, I want both groups to be accepted. But trying to silence and downplay disabled people won't help with SHIT.

1 note

Maybe you should consider the fact he focuses on autism and incontinence is bc those are the things he has experience with?? He himself has autism and has an incontinent step-brother. Even then, he still attempted to include others bc he does truly want to be inclusive, I remember a post he made where he asked people what other disabilities they wanted to see included. I requested for him to introduce a dyslexic character, bc my sister has dyslexia. And guess what? HE DID. Because he truly does care. He just mainly does autistic and incontinent characters bc that's WHAT HE HAS EXPERIENCE WITH! YOU are the ableists for thinking autistic and incontinent people shouldn't be represented!

2 notes

Don't be so judge-mental on the poor kid just because he has incontinence and mind your own damn business, jfc...

5 notes

Club is NOTHING like that sicko you're talking about, they sound disgusting and I know Club would NEVER do something like that. (Unless those things you said are lies and Nightflight's just another innocent victim of yours, but idk. -_-

But anyways, saying all autistic people are automatically bad bc of that person is completely stupid.

 3 notes

Here they seem to be talking about disabled children like they're burdens.

3 notes

Another example of the 5th link.

 5 notes

They literally use "mister autistic" as an insult against him. They also full on say the r-slur without censoring it whatsoever.

Anyways, I'm sure, in fact 100% sure, there's more in depth proof their hatred of Club is purely ableism, but once again, DADramaNow does a shit job at running their group, and this is what Club's tag links to:

Not Found

So looking for proof was difficult, though I think I've gathered up enough, at least for now.

Anyways, pedophilia is a harmful stereotype pf autistic people, and DADramaNow is projecting this stereotype onto Club, bc they're very fucked up and bigoted people. There's no denying it now,Mod S and co.

Their unfortunate dismissal of disability hits even harder knowing many of them in their group identify as having autism. They don’t come off as it and don’t treat others with it kindly, which makes me lose incentive to acknowledge they may have it. It’s as if everything to them is a matter of identity.

[nonclassyparty]

I think I am at a loss for words to show my breathlessness at the reading I have just done. You've done it again, you've made me a passenger on the most turbulently beautiful roller coaster, with a myriad of highs and lows that made it truthfully memorable.

My heart won't stop thinking about it, and maybe skipping a beat or two waiting to read you again. I'll definitely be going back through this playlist, both written and musical. And how can I not? If every single thing you do is impossible not to love. It's in the emphasis of emotions, the visual and auditory dedication, the precision in the details, how from various things you manage to originate something new and fresh, the subtle references, ... It's such a unique creation, it says a lot about who is behind it, even if we don't know each other personally.

So I come to my favourite part of the acknowledgements I do.... The questions:

- Apart from using romcoms as inspiration, have you based any facts or characters on any person in your life?

- What was the thing that made you want to write this wonder? And how is your process of developing ideas (the writer in me is curious)?

- Do you have a specific photograph that inspired you to come up with the outfits for her? And if so, as I've seen with the skirt, and if it's not too pertinent, are they based on your own wardrobe?

- What's your take on love? Whether it's a specific setting, a song, a character you've written, a detail or anything really! We're so used to getting our eyes drenched in tears with the delicious angst of your stories, so it's interesting for me to know what a more erm... Loving? By this author (if your pronouns are female, if not, correct me!)

- How come every one of your Wooyoungs is so easy to love? There's no way to hate them. They are like an accumulation of characteristics that together form the most perfect combination, both in their flaws and in their virtues.

- In SVOH, at the end you bring closure to the protagonist's relationship with Wooyoung and introduce the character of Sunny, at what point in the timeline does this happen? After the end? I assume

I have many more questions but I'll leave them for another day, let's go little by little. I wanted to thank you for awakening an inner Sunny in me that I had, but for fear I hadn't let out. I will be stronger. Thank you so much for letting us read your amazing stories on this platform, it's always a joy to read you.

Best regards, love you author-ssi!

(I found the -ssi pretty endearing)

Nananon 🤍

well wait a damn minute. i had to sit down for this one. first of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH. i don't know what else to say because wow you talked me up way too much with this😭 thank you seriously💗

now for the questions;

errr i honestly don't know about the characters? they just wrote themselves for this one i guess BUT for the facts, when sunny said her dad's car broke down on the day she was born that was the experience of my father except his car lit up on fire on his way to the hospital so that was something i decided to add bc it just seemed to fit sunny😭

well when i posted wooyoung's svoh part a lot of people wanted me to do an alternative ending for it and i don't like those so i was against it but i still wanted to give a better ending for him so i decided to write this one-shot for him. and since obviously he got his heart broken in 'when you end it' i had to show how it affected him in this one and the idea for sunny's character came from there (also i'm a huge sucker for stories when one lead is gloomy and cynical while the other is a literal ray of sunshine 😭 ). im a big fan of john hughes' movies so i was inspired a lot by them for this story and recently i've been really into writing feel-good pieces, with heartwarming, sweet and a little bit cheesy moments bc i love reading stuff like that so i decided to give it a try. my process of developing ideas goes a little bit like this; i figure out the climax first for some reason and build everything leading up to it and following after it based on the climax. my drafts consist of literally each scene in the story described in a sentence or two when that's done, i decide on something completely random that i want to weave through the story to make it sort of tied together for example; in sr it's y/n's visions of her art in her head, for wooyoung's playlist it was sunny's radio show. i find that it makes the story seem a lot more put together and its also sorta cute to me😭

sunny's wardrobe was based on her character, i didn't have a specific style for her i just knew she wears whatever she feels like and doesn't stick to specific trends or anything. plus i love fashion so it's fun to pick out outfits for my characters and i know how someone dresses isn't a reflection of who they are as a person but in my stories IT IS! 😭 one more proof that i take a lot of inspo from movies bc i play a lot into the stereotypes from them when it comes to my characters but idk how to explain it, i think it just helps everyone imagine the characters better 😭 sunny's wardrobe was kind of based on my wardrobe but maybe 10x when it comes to how colorful it is lol

whew this one is kinda hard. but i actually have a winnie the pooh quote (😭😭😭) which i think describes it perfectly; “Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in our heart.” and that's just so true. little simple gestures can be done by anyone and yet they're not. which is why i think they're so important. they literally cost nothing but are worth a whole lot to me 😭

errrrr i am wooyoung's no.1 fan so i just think i'm incapable of writing him as anything but loveable no matter what. i watch a lot of atz content so i think i pick up things from that as well😭 he's very endearing

wooyoung's playlist takes time when svoh!y/n meets mingi and starts her relationship with him.

wow thank you so much for these wonderful questions, they were very fun to answer!!! and i'm really glad you enjoyed the story as well ❤️

[cheap-jumpscare]

"are u ok" idk i hope not

hi none of yall have seen me at my worst yet

i actively want to get so much worse. infinitely worse. i need to get as mentally awful as possible. please be mean to me please traumatize me i deserve it. but please dont hate me. if anyone hated me id actually kms. maybe.

does anyone take IDRlabs seriously? is it legitamate? bc

i guess im just kind of fucked up in general. im gonna go through each one and what they mean ordered by highest to lowest score.

SCHIZOTYPAL - a personality disorder. to quote a website i think is pretty smart; '(they are) often described as odd or eccentric, and they usually have few, if any, close relationships. They generally don't know how relationships form or how their behavior affects others. They also tend to misinterpret others' motivations and behaviors and greatly distrust others.' TL;DR abnormal and distrusting of others.

HYPOMANIA - 'hypo' means the opposite of 'excessive' or 'a lot'- so this just means 'under mania' or 'less than mania' if literal, iirc. Quoting wikipedia; 'Characteristic behaviors of people experiencing hypomania are a notable decrease in the need for sleep, an overall increase in energy, unusual behaviors and actions, and a markedly distinctive increase in talkativeness and confidence, commonly exhibited with a flight of creative ideas.' TL;DR weird, energetic, and not sleeping a lot

PARANOIA - we should all know this one. being irrationally afraid of something(s) to an obsessive degree. that's my own definition, anyways.

DEPENDENT - I'd assume this refers to 'how dependent you are on others' whether that be emotionally or in general.

SADISM - finding pleasure from hurting others. often misconstrued as immediately sexual, but not exactly! sadism can also manifest as just feeling better about yourself when harming those around you. this one's score feels a bit inaccurate in my own opinion.

ANTISOCIAL - not being social. simple!

NARCISSISTIC - daily reminder that people with npd are not immediately evil just because they have npd; ive known many narcissists who were actually very cool people! give your local narcissist some support. anyways, narcissism outside of the personality disorder is defined as 'a self–centered personality style characterized as having an excessive preoccupation with oneself and one's own needs, often at the expense of others.' the double-edged sword is that, usually, people who happen to act narcissistic or have npd can also be immensely insecure. again, give your local narcissist some support :(

NEGATIVISTIC - wikipedia says it is 'characterized by procrastination, covert obstructionism, inefficiency and stubbornness.' to be entirely transparent, this one is no longer on the DSM-V. also reffered to as passive-aggresive personality disorder.

DEPRESSIVE - assumedly reffering to either the mental health condition or general depressive symptoms. I'm unsure myself.

BORDERLINE - wikipedia kind of called me out so im not quoting it this time but TL;DR probably refers to symptoms of BPD/EUPD. only some of these symptoms resonate for me (i dont particularly experience the flipping between hating and adoring those close to me, or much dissociation to my knowledge). other than that, I would've expected it to be higher.

SCHIZOID - wikipedia says this is characterized by 'a lack of interest in social relationships, a tendency toward a solitary or sheltered lifestyle, secretiveness, emotional coldness, detachment, and apathy.' I myself am quite open about being low-/no-empathy so that makes sense why it's around this level.

HISTRIONIC - attention seeking.... which i experience a lot. the other listed traits, ('said to be lively, dramatic, vivacious, enthusiastic, extraverted and flirtatious.') don't quite line up, though.. unless we count how I sort of pretend to be more high energy than i ever really am? shrugs

MASOCHISTIC - the inverse of sadism; finding pleasure from being hurt. once again, often interpreted as sexual though this isn't always the case. like with me, some people just hate themselves.

COMPULSIVE - "The main idea of compulsive behavior is that the likely excessive activity is not connected to the purpose to which it appears directed." I have some form of trichotillomania (hair-pulling) so im actually surprised this is at ZERO. though, my trichotillomania mainly manifested for sensory reasons....... stimming by twirling hairs around my fingers.

.. i didnt need to list all of that, but i was worried some of you wouldnt know what words meant. anyways, I took some other quizzes.

This was the likability test. It's not the most accurate in my opinion, but eh. It still sort of works.

.. Wow okay. This is a narcissism test- they only gave 2 options for each question and every single one was two extremes. I wish they'd give a third in-between answer.

the Dark Core Faces test. you pick a face you think is more likely to be one 'negative' thing or another. apparently im pretty good- though im not surprised. I've always sort of been better than others at predicting or guessing things about people and characters.

Anyways I am considering being one of my OCs. sighs.

[halfelven]

a much longer than i anticipated halloween psa on hallucinations, sleep paralysis, and horror. the point of it being that you don't have to engage in horror if you don't want to, hallucinations are culturally influenced so people "seeing" the "same" thing doesn't mean it actually exists, horror videos are easy to make and not real, and having psychosis doesn't make you scary

since halloween is approaching rapidly i would like to take a moment to say that i am not putting up scary things/jump scare videos this year or any year!

also please respect and don't question why someone doesn't want to read/watch/interact with horror, and don't push someone into watching/reading something with horror elements bc it's "funny and not scary."

"I don't like that" is enough of an answer to give or to get!

there are medical conditions and certain medications that can increase or cause hallucinations, and those hallucinations can be shaped by horror movies/scary images even in a "funny" setting, so please just leave people alone about the "why"

and this year with the addition of:

horror videos are very, very, very easy to fake! the lower quality the video is, the easier it will be to pull off things like "objects flying around" etc. fishing wire is barely visible in a clear video, let alone a black and white, poor quality "surveillance camera"

blood and gore is so easy to fake in dim lighting/low quality too because it can be water-downed ketchup (and fake blood is so realistic and so easy to buy now!) and would still look "real" enough

(seriously people have mistaken gore for being "real" on vhs tapes that when remastered look like the gore is made of playdough)

it's so easy to play with dim lights and make jump scares with that! you're programmed to be be wary of predatory animals that might hurt you at night (like bears and lions or something) so that's why you freak out even if you "know" it is coming because your brain is thinking "oh no there's a danger here" and when the scare happens you think "that's the danger right there!"

it is so so so so so so so so easy to fake objects moving with fishing line or stop motion or just magnets or sticking a doll on top of a drill

you can so easily adjust contrast to make "too bright" eyes or something and filming in low light with a bright light on a human's eyes will already make them look "unreal" (I have low quality, in the dark, unsteady photos of myself where my eyes look like gollum's pretty much and I know it's not real because it's me. it just looks weird because it was really dark and the photographer was shaky and it's grainy with a high contrast)

editing is moving so fast now that people can make convincing-enough "monsters" or "demons" or something at home now! because it doesn't have to look like anything in particular and even it looking "wrong" and the movements not being "right" makes it scarier to us, so someone could fake a ghost in an afternoon I have seen so many "ghost" videos where I'm just like yes it looks scary but I can tell you it's not real because I studied video/photo editing and know how it's done

like I have made some pretty scary horror myself so I know, I /know/ it is fake

seriously if these things were real they would be in our textbooks

the most likely reason we freak out about "demons" and "ghosts" and such are diseases that we didn't understand and gave "supernatural" stories to to explain sick people. that's why they'll kill you, since you're going to catch the disease from them. (it's an instinct to protect ourselves from the disease by avoiding infection even when we didn't understand viruses and bacteria)

most "universal" stories like that can be traced back to certain illnesses from rabies to brain tumors

there is so much going on with humans and audio that we don't even realise or fully understand! just putting low enough sounds in the video can make you feel complete dread! probably because your body thinks something like an earthquake is coming? (like at the fastest that i can get into explaining it!)

a lot of "haunted" houses/places can be explained by underground ground movements! the plates moving make a sound we can't hear but can /feel/ and it scares us. this is why so many "haunted" places were called "haunted" by people who lived there even though they had different stories for what caused the "haunting"

sleep paralysis "demons" or "aliens" are influenced culturally and change over time! some people don't want to watch horror because it can shape what they see! just because a lot of people see the "same" monster does not mean it's actually real! memories are also not reliable. if you see a weird shadow thing and remember it as that and then see a picture later and say "the creature looked exactly like that" it's because your brain fills in the gaps to match so it can make sense. this again does not make it real! it did not look "exactly" like that but your brain wants to match pictures so it lies to you. this bad memory response explains so many stories of seeing the "same" "supernatural" thing

(I have a very good memory and find this happening to me all the time where my brain just wants everything to "match up" and "make sense" so it looks at something ehhh maybe similar and says good enough. I look out for it so I can catch it now, but I'm sure lots still slips by)

like seriously with memories and hallucinations so much is shaped by external influence. it does not mean that there is "proof" that these particular "demons" exist

you do not have to share anything personal about yourself to say why you don't want to do anything scary

you can watch charlie brown and eat candy if you want and anyone who respects you will be fine with that. they can even join after they do their own thing if you both want to

again you don't have to share anything personal about yourself! I am going to because I am an adult who feels comfortable doing so because I do want to share that I have experienced hallucinations (they can be caused "just" by stress and sleep deprivation too, so some people might experience them once or twice in their life and never again) that are really terrifying and feel 100% real when they are happening.

I did a lot of research into things like why sleep paralysis hallucinations are often described in the same way which is why I have a lot of this information.

when I became more aware of how my brain was processing information it was easier to explain things like why I and so many people will see shadowy figures in sleep paralysis. humans search for humans/faces on instinct because they are social, and a bookcase or shadows on the ceiling can look "close enough" to your brain when you're half asleep

it is really frightening to experience, but it does help to explain to yourself that what you are "seeing" is being influenced by the culture around you and your sleepy brain trying to fill in details

memory is not perfect and is so easily changed by external influences. but because your brain wants things to be "certain" it will lie to you completely.

I'm on a medication that causes auditory hallucinations which I never experienced before the medication. because I was read that warning beforehand when it started happening I could assure myself that it was just an auditory hallucination. a couple have sounded really creepy because my brain was trying to sort out nonsense syllables and got them mixed up with my fan. but they weren't real, so I was able to tell myself that.

grounding yourself and saying "this is not real" during a hallucination can be much easier when you know /why/ your brain is working the way it is working!

if you're working your way through this, you are being so brave already, and not wanting to scare yourself more isn't being a coward, it is acknowledging how you need to take care of yourself and sticking up for yourself, which is really brave

having psychosis or hallucinations or DID or anything else that media likes to make the "monster" or "horror" of horror does not make you scary or a bad person. a lot of it is just thoughts that you can't control. especially when you've been raised in an unstable environment, your mind is always jumping to "prepare" itself for bad situations, which itself can cause hallucinations.

there are treatments and medications that can help. getting out of a stressful situation can help. getting older even can help, as your brain stabilises when it is fully developed.

another thing to mention is that you can disable images from loading on webpages, which might be something you want to do around this time of year if you're feeling like you don't want to accidentally see anything scary. it varies browser by browser, but most of the bigger ones will have the option. (I've disabled images myself on firefox and chrome when doing some research on sleep paralysis)

even if there is no reason besides you don't like being scared, you still aren't a "coward" and you don't need to prove you're brave. again you already are brave by recognising how you need to take care of yourself and then taking care of yourself

also if you are a kid! it also often does change year by year what is scary and less things are the older you get, so be sure to be careful about something that isn't scary to you might be scary to your little sibling even if they are only one or two years younger (that was me growing up being the scared younger sibling. please don't be that kid who scares the younger ones.)

and again because I'm okay saying I've had experiences like this, that were really terrifying, I want to assure you that none of them ever hurt me. there was no demon or ghost or monster come to get me, and I am okay and alive. they were frightening experiences, but I was not in danger from them, because there weren't any real 'Bad Things" coming to get me. you'll be okay too, even though it is really scary. it was a real experience in that it happened to you, but not real in that the things you saw or heard actually exist and could hurt you. they can't. they can't hurt me. they can't hurt you.

but always remember that it's really brave and strong of you to get help if it's too much to go through on your own! you shouldn't have to be alone in this! do what you have to do to take care of yourself, and look out for others!

[howtosingit]

I haven't had a chance to fully dive into all the goodies last nights video has produced.. nor have I had a chance to read all your thoughts which you know I crave love . I was dumb and watched 3 911 episodes last night ignoring my ig notification that ronen had shared anything so then I had to go to bed bc of work and work has been crqzy. But anyways I just wanted to hear some of your thoughts and say Tarlos officially fried my brain and I really want to write in the spare time I don't have bc of work 🙈🙊 their soft smiles, kisses, possibly meeting the fam, their date (and let's be honest Carlos was hot as fuck sauntering up to the bar announcing he was tks boyfriend... you know someone got laid that night) sorry not sorry 🙈

Anyways hit me with your thoughts when you're free if you want ❤

LISTEN, LAUREN. I am always up to share my thoughts because they never end and they just keep coming and I have to unleash them somehow or I will definitely explode.

My brain was just like, ALL CAPS SCREAMING, for about 7 hours yesterday, so I’ll leave you to explore that hot mess on my blog if you want. 😅 But, in the time since, I’ve seen a lot of discourse and stuff about the moments that we’ve seen, so I’m going to use this ask as an opportunity to weigh in on everything under the cut...

FIRST, CAN I JUST SAY that at the moment that I am writing this post, we are still trending at #5 and we’ve been in the 4-7 range for at least the past, like, IDK, 18-20 hours maybe?! I LOVE THIS FANDOM AND HOW WE LOSE OUR SHIT AT THE SMALLEST THINGS

Okay, so let me go through this thing and comment on the parts, and then give some general thoughts below:

LOVE that this is a promo entirely about the LGBTQIA+ characters and characters of color. Not exactly surprised that they still tried to put as much Rob Lowe in it as possible (that’s Fox/the writers’ M.O. it seems - to squeeze Rob/Owen in whether he fits or not). Some of his comments were a little awkward, I thought (referring to Paul’s trans storyline as “stuff” makes me go 😬), but whatever. He’s not the point of all of this, so that’s the last I’m going to talk about him.

TOMMY VEGA. I AM READY TO STAN. I love Gina Torres, I already love how much heart and soul she is giving just in these quick peeks, I cannot wait to see her in action!

Also let me use this moment to say that while it’s obvious I’m not getting my Grace + Carlos friendship (that’s fine if it stays in fandom, I’ll live), I’m SO GLAD that her and Tommy are gonna be friends! One promo mentioned that Judd has known Tommy before, so it would not surprise me if they’ve been friends for awhile. LOVE THAT.

SPECULATION: This gives me a good time to just throw out a theory that I’ve been thinking about... We know Owen and Gwen are hosting Tommy at their place for a backyard dinner. I assume her husband may be there as well, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Judd and Grace are there too. 

I ALSO would not be surprised if this is when one of the nights at Carlos’s place happens, like a parallel of the two dinner parties. That at least keeps every main character involved in both locations. We shall see though.

So this gathering at the firehouse seems like it’s going to be a pretty big scene, probably for episode 1. I think everyone’s gathered so that Owen can announce he’s in remission (we’ll hear him tell TK first, which is the hug that they share earlier in the trailer, I think). 

But this gathering also includes a Tommy/Grace moment, a Tarlos moment, the others doing other things kind of moments. It’ll serve the same purpose as a lot of the season 1 bar scenes, and I’m so glad they’ve moved those to the firehouse. I want that place to really start feeling like a home this year. 

(I want all of the locations to feel a little more grounded and special, if I’m being honest. Like, I’m SO GLAD that Carlos’s place is going to be a key location this season.)

There are now two instances of Carlos being next to Gwen (standing next to her while Owen makes an announcement and now sitting next to her at the table), so we better get some dialogue between them or I WILL BE SO UPSET. I WANT GWEN TO STAN CARLOS AS MUCH AS I DO.

EVERYONE IS SO CUTE IN THIS SCENE OKAY

TARLOS TARLOS TARLOS TARLOS

Like, WTF is TK’s face in this moment?! He looks so shy and bashful but also so happy and mushy and soft and in love. And then the way that Carlos softens because of how soft TK look?!?! WHAT IS GOING ON?!?! WHY AM I CRYING.

Seriously, I have to know what they’re talking about though to make TK fucking melt like that. 

Emergency stuff blah blah blah

TARLOS KISS TARLOS KISS TARLOS KISS TARLOS KISS

IT’S SO FUCKING CASUAL AND PERFECT AND NATURAL AND LITERALLY JUST LIKE A “I came over to grab this food from you but since I’m here I might as well grab a kiss because I can’t help myself”

AND LIKE... Carlos just leans right into it?!?!?!? like it’s something that they do all the time?!?!?! WTF I LOVE THEM

Mateo watches this kiss and kind of looks like he was talking to Carlos, TK, or both of them, so I love that they’re like in the middle of conversation but still like “wait let me kiss my bf because he’s close by and so hot and I love him” SCREAMING

ALSO LET ME BE THIRSTY BUT CARLOS’S SHOULDERS AND BACK?!?!?! TK’S FUCKING ARMS?!?! I’M SO DAMN GAY

Speaking of arms: this rando bartender at the wrestling match (so Covid doesn’t last long on Lone Star, I’m assuming like 2 episodes maybe?) -- I love that they tried to put him in a tight shirt and make him look like a possible threat or something and I’m just like 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

IT’S LIKE THEY’VE NEVER SEEN CARLOS REYES BEFORE

AND THEN THE FUCKING GREEK GOD HIMSELF SAUNTERS UP WEARING A TIGHT FUCKING POLO - CHEST OUT, ARMS JACKED, HANDS IN HIS POCKETS TO DRAW ATTENTION TO HIS DICK AND I’M JUST SCREAMING AT THIS POINT

BOYFRIEND 

BOYFRIEND

BOYFRIEND

But, like, seriously, there is no comparison. Carlos is fucking Hercules over here and this no-name wannabe boyband member could be a sand-colored rock for all I care. 

YOU CANNOT COMPETE WITH CARLOS REYES, DON’T EVEN TRY IT

I do feel like these two clips (the calendar line and then Carlos’s line) are spliced together but they might not be back-to-back, and I would love to see how TK responds to the flirting before Carlos comes over

HIS FACE IS KILLING ME THOUGH WHEN CARLOS COMES UP

BLESS RONEN

I feel like I *think* I know what he’s thinking, but I also feel like I don’t. Certainly, the scene seems to end with them both smiling and happy, but I wonder if there will be a conversation about jealousy or something?! IDK BUT THEY’RE DEFINITELY GONNA TALK. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.

Someone posted how happy TK is going to be to have a boyfriend who is committed enough to him to be jealous, unlike Alex who didn’t care and cheated on him. I certainly think this could be a great moment for them to establish what this new relationship means for them, and I’m excited to see what they writers have planned.

I JUST LOVE CARLOS REYES THOUGH OKAY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

How many times is Fox gonna use that clip of him holding his gun though? We get it, he raises his gun. I’ve seen it like 7 times at this point. 

I’m not complaining, really. I’ll take his face where I can get it.

LOVING the Marjan clips

LOVING the Grace/Judd clips

LOVING the Paul clips

I LOVE ALL OF MY FAVES

CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THEM DEVELOP THIS YEAR

Hearing Rafa talk about using his voice and speaking for his community just slaughters my heart, I love this man so fucking much and I’m so happy to be discovering him at the start of his career because he is going to go on to do big things and make the world a better place with his positivity and light and love and I’m so excited to follow him on that journey I just love him okay

ALSO THE MAN LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD WHAT ARE THOSE ARMS I WANT TO DIE

THE FARMER’S MARKET SCENE

Are they shopping for food for the dinner party they’re hosting?! Maybe!

WE MEET SOME OF CARLOS’S PEOPLE

There is so much speculation surrounding who these two people could be, and I’ve heard some super interesting theories about Carlos’s backstory.

I’m gonna be basic though and stick with the fact that I think they’re his parents.

AND IF THEY ARE HIS PARENTS, THEY SEEM SO HAPPY TO MEET TK.

His dad/the man, like, shakes TK’s hand with so much gusto, a giant smile on his face

And Carlos smiles as he hugs his mom/the woman, and she’s smiling too

THEY ALL JUST SEEM SO HAPPY

I CAN’T BELIEVE WE MIGHT ACTUALLY BE AVOIDING THE HOMOPHOBIC PARENTS STORYLINE COMPLETELY

Y’ALL DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THAT TRAUMA

I mean, I don’t know for sure, we’re going to have to wait for the episode. But god, do I hope for it with every fiber of my being. I want their trauma, if they have to have it, to be separate from their sexuality. They’ve done so well with TK so far, I want the same for Carlos. Let the story be fresh, let it be different, LET US HAVE DIVERSE GAY STORYLINES.

Y’ALL THE TEAM HANGING OUT AT CARLOS’S PLACE

I CANNOT

I’LL NEVER BE OVER IT

HE’S PART OF THE CREW. HE’S PART OF THE FAMILY.

IT’S EVERYTHING THAT I COULD EVER WANT FOR HIM OKAY

I’M SO FUCKING HAPPY

THEY ARE SO HAPPY

WE ARE ALL SO HAPPY

I’M CRYING

I’M DEAD

LOL that was a lot but so was this promo.

Now, some somewhat sobering thoughts...

We all know season 1 had a real diversity and inclusion problem, we’ve seen the numbers. We also know that during the promotion for season 1, we ALSO got a diversity promo focusing on the LGBTQIA+ characters and the characters of color. I love that Fox wants to highlight the incredibly talented actors and characters that they have, but all of it means nothing if they are still tokens on the show. 

I have full faith that season 2 will be better, that some of the justified anger and frustration made it back to the writers and they internalized it and then make some real changes. However, because we did get a diversity promo last year, I have to remain a little cautious. This promo doesn’t really mean anything and if, somehow, season 2 goes the way season 1 did, it will be another instance of Fox using the characters of color to draw people in without actually giving them screentime and development. Which is a HUGE PROBLEM. So... I’m very excited and very hopeful, but also slightly wary.

Similarly, I’ve seen people say that they’re worried that, while there is so much Tarlos in this promo, this might be all the Tarlos we get this season. I don’t share the same concern, but like the diversity issue, I understand where that comes from. There was a lot of Tarlos in season 1′s promos and, as we now know, they got screentime in episodes 1-3 and then virtually nothing until episode 10. 

I kind of lost track of the filming schedule, but I think before they went on the holiday/extended hiatus, they filmed the first 5-6 episodes? Maybe? And we know that we’re getting 14 total this season, which means it’s possible that they haven’t even filmed half of them. 

I think the footage that we got in this promo is from, like, 3 or 4 episodes max. Definitely episodes 1 and 2, maybe 4, possibly 5. The crossover is episode 3 and I am still expecting to barely see Carlos in it - I just think it’s going to be very fire heavy one, especially with the members of the 118 coming in to steal screentime. He could be in one scene, maybe? Idk, I’m just not expecting a lot from that episode. 

And sure, we could get a lot of Tarlos at the beginning and then nothing for a whole string of episodes, but that also just doesn’t seem possible with the way they’ve restructured the relationship dynamics. Like, it really does seem like Carlos is going to be a part of the family this year, so I think it will be easier to include him and harder to delete him entirely. (Please let him at least appear in every single episode, I don’t want to be so fucking angry like last year.)

Also, if all of these scenes stay in the episodes, we are getting AT LEAST 4 Tarlos conversations - the firehouse, the wrestling match, the farmer’s market, the flirting by the truck - and other scenes of them being in the same space as part of a group. I’m sure there will be even more that we’re just not seeing. I’m very optimistic for this season and for the Tarlos content, and I really don’t think we’ll see the front-loaded imbalance that we saw last season. I think when they get back to filming the later episodes, there will be a good amount of Tarlos content in those, too!

I will say, though, that I am worried we’ve just seen the only kiss that they’ll share in the first 5 or so episodes. I’m just so used to network TV placing a limit on gay kisses, and Idk how much that has really changed in recent years. I truly love this kiss, and I hope there are more, but I would not be surprised if we end the season having only gotten like 2-3. (PLEASE LET ME BE WRONG.)

ONLY TWO MORE WEEKS UNTIL WE FIND OUT FOR SURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[one-abuse-survivor]

before i start, thank you so much for doing what you do;this blog has given me good advice countless times and i really have to thank you for that.

my issues with my parents are that they don't take me seriously. i can literally go up to them and say: "mom/dad, i think i might be autistic or have ADHD (both would be quite likely) can i get that checked out" and list a bunch of examples why i think that and they'll just be "nah, that can't be, you don't seem like that at all" as of i didn't break my mind over it researching it and talking to people who have it to see if we've had similar experiences just to get some kind of reference as to why i feel the way i feel and why i struggle so much with things that so many other people find so easy.

but then, in the following weeks and months (after talking w them) they just randomly point out things about me that kinda annoy them, like me talking out of turn a LOT or me not looking at people or me having trouble focusing if there isn't also music and a movie going at the same time or mom saying that i seem hyperactive to her because i'm always moving my legs or pacing around or rubbing my hands or drumming on the table with pens. things like that (plus a lot more) were the exact things i was telling them about and they just put it off like it's nothing but as soon as it affects and annoys them it's suddenly very real. at this point i'm struggling to talk to my parents about anything even remotely more serious than generic smalltalk and i'm having a hard time believing myself that my struggles are in fact real and i'm not just making them up.

and also on a less related note; the thing i hate most about my parents: if i'm wearing headphones and couldn't understand what a parent was yelling from somewhere else in the house then it's my fault. but if it's the exact same situation but i'm the one calling and they couldn't hear me, then it's obviously my fault too (i kinda get the first one but srsly how could i not wear headphones when they're constantly arguing with my brother in the room next to mine) (either way if one of the scenarios is clearly my fault, then the other shld be clearly their fault bc that's how logic works)

hhhh, this got quite long. i would love to hear your thoughts about this

a continuation from the other ask about my parents not taking me seriously even when i ask them for help with my hardest problems. that ask didn't really go in the direction i had planned but there is so much going on between my parents and me that i really need to talk to someone about

background: i'm around 15-16 rn and have a brother who's 18. primary school was academically very easy for me (lots and lots of great and even perfect grades) but my brother didn't have it as easy (lots and lots of mediocre and meh grades) so my parents really just kinda let me do my thing while they were constantly busy with my brother. so i got really independant and did all of my stuff on my own bc a) i always had done it that way and b) my parents were already busy and stressed. but after my brother got his first computer and got into video games his grades dropped and my parents started constantly arguing with him and taking away his computer and stuff like that so there was always a lot of tension (and i got to a point where i can't handle people yelling; that's what i was referring to with the headphone thingy at the end of the last ask) i don't know if i can go that far and say that my parents kinda neglected me and my emotional needs in favour of saving my brother grades but that's pretty much the way it feels.

i'm now a sophomore (school works a bit different here but i'm the equivalent of a highschool sophomore afaik, here it's just 10th grade) and starting from about mid 8th grade (end of 2018) i've been struggling a lot with self care and upkeep of my already minimal social circle and academic stuff (i'm at the academically highest level of school you could be at my age without skipping any years) and also mental health.

i got quite depressive and started isolating myself and casting away friends and my grades went down a lot, which really disappointed me because my great grades were kind of my trademark thing. but i didn't feel safe talking to my parents because of the huge distance that we built by me "never" needing their help with stuff.

in that time (almost a year ago, our anniversary is in twenty days or so) i got a girlfriend and i'm hella glad that i can talk to her about everything but i feel like i can't just go dump trauma and parent issues on her forever

about last november or so i was at a pretty low point and was suicidal and that's kind of when i snapped and went to my parents to talk so being cast away and having my issues invalidated really really hurt then and made me spiral even deeper and my gf was the only thing keeping me afloat.

i'm kind of a bit better now but i have rebuilt my view of my parents from "idk we never really interact" to "trying to interact or talk is not worth the energy" and needless to say i don't like them that much

oh and i forgot about all the times i got panic attacks and sensory overloads @ school because there are so many people there (1700 students + 200 teachers) and it's loud everywhere and of course asking my parents for what to do if suddenly everything is too bright and too loud and you can't move or talk because of it didn't get me anywhere (and since i didn't know what it was called or how to describe it properly, i didn't really find any Information online either

and just typing this makes me think of so many more things that they did that aren't okay things to do (a lot of gender identity stuff for example because i'm also neck-deep in that) . but writing this has also helped a lot right now. thank you for being there and listening.

and just in case i'm ever gonna pop back in to say something i'm gonna drop a name for easier identifying

sincerely - 🌌 milky way anon

Hi, nonnie! Thanks for the kind words, I'm really glad my blog has been of help ❤️

I'm sorry your parents are making it hard to believe your struggles are real :( you deserve to be taken seriously and to get access to all the help you might need. Just the fact your symptoms are there and you're noticing them and they're interfering with your daily life is enough to get them checked, regardless of if you need a diagnosis/meds/anything else. No one deserves to live wondering if their struggles are worth discussing with a doctor or professional.

And you're right: if one of those things was your fault, then the other should be theirs, logically. But I don't even think it's "your fault" you didn't hear them because you were wearing headphones, to be honest. I think it's just something that happens from time to time and that doesn't warrant getting mad over; I think it's the kind of thing that simply needs to be talked about so everyone in the household knows how to communicate with everyone else without getting frustrated. It's as easy as saying "hey, whenever I put on headphones I'll just text the family group chat to let you guys know I won't hear you. If you need anything in those moments, just text me instead". I do this with my girlfriend sometimes—if we're wearing headphones and we're in the same room, we simply pat each other when we need something and wait until the other takes off their headphones to talk. It really doesn't have to be an issue where anyone is to blame. You're allowed to take steps to feel safe and comfortable in your house without getting punished for it.

But, of course, this doesn't work if the people around you choose to prioritise "being right" and proving you're wrong over a peaceful and healthy cohabitation, which is what most toxic and abusive people do.

As for your second ask, I would say if it feels like your parents neglected you and your needs because they were always focusing on your brother, then it's okay to say that they did. The fact alone that those feelings are there makes you deserving of talking about it and wanting to heal from it; the cause of those feelings doesn't have to be something major, or sound deeply traumatising when you say it out loud, in order to "count". And people whose emotional needs were consistently met don't feel like they weren't.

I've already shared this video before, but if you want some resources on identifying and healing from emotional neglect, I really recommend watching it. Please bear in mind, though, that the video says it's important to not blame parents for emotionally neglecting you, but I don't think that's the message a lot of people need to hear and I think you should allow yourself to feel angry at your parents for not meeting your needs and causing you trauma. That's pretty much the only thing I'd criticise about the video.

I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling with your grades and mental health lately, nonnie. I had a quite similar experience when I was in high school—I used to always get great grades, but my mental health and trauma put a lot of strain on them (as well as on my social life; I lost a lot of friends in those years) and it was really distressing to see the only thing that made me "worthy" crumble between my fingers like that. I'm still trying to unlearn this idea that your grades define your worth, and it's been really hard.

I'm so sorry your parents weren't there for you when you hit that low 😔 I'm glad your girlfriend could help you stay afloat in that moment, but they absolutely should've been there for you all those times you reached out to them for help with your struggles, and the fact that they didn't is emotionally neglectful of them.

I'm glad you're in a better place now ❤️ I really hope you can find out all the information you need on gender identity and sensory overload and any other issues that might be affecting you. Know that you deserve for your parents to be there for you. You shouldn't have to face any of this on your own, or even with only the support of other people your age. You deserve for them to care. You deserve to have your symptoms checked out. You deserve adult guidance to find resources to help you better understand and manage your struggles.

Sending all my virtual support your way ❤️ and happy belated anniversary to you and your girlfriend!

[deliriumofendless]

hey so this isn't må related but i need to vent and i hope it's okay

also if this is triggering for you feel free to ignore bc this deals with body image issues

basically ive been overweight my entire life, and because of that ive always had really low self-esteem and confidence. anyway, lately ive been trying to be nicer to myself and accept myself especially bc im still rly young and my body is changing, so i figured there's no point stressing out too much over it. anyway, today i was talking to my mom and was complaining about my hair saying that i rly liked but i just hated the way it looks on me. growing up, my hair has really been the only thing i liked about myself. and then my mom said that it would look better on me if i was thinner, and my heart literally broke. my mom is my best friend (pretty much my only friend) so her words mean a lot to me. she's always saying that i need to lose weight (i really want to, but nothing ever works) and she's always really nice about and says she just wants me to be happy and healthy, which i understand, but it just really hurts sometimes. and it couldn't have happened at a worse time because ive had a crush on this guy since i was in fourth grade and today we actually texted a bit and it put me in a good mood, which quickly faded. i know for a fact that he would probably like me if i looked different (he's into tiny, white, pretty girls). and i feel bad for complaining because even though he's kind of popular (he's been popular since we were kids, everybody loves him) he's always so nice to me, and asks me for study tips, and never lets me say anything bad about myself. he's genuinely such a good guy and i can't get over the fact that he might like me if i was thinner. i would genuinely do anything to lose weight bc im the only chubby one out of all my friends and i have family that have been commenting on my weight my entire life. im just so sick of hating myself and i don't know what to do.

im so sorry for the long ask but i genuinely can't talk to anyone about this because nobody in my life will understand.

hey it’s totally okay to vent here so don’t even worry about that

and as somebody who’s also struggled with body image, i get exactly where you’re coming from with this.

i’m happy that you’re working on accepting the way you are and i think something you need to realize is that success is not a straight line, you’re gonna suffer some seriously upsetting downfalls but what’s important is that you don’t let that stop you from getting back up and getting back to work on loving yourself. i’m so sorry that your mother and other family members have made those comments towards you, i’m sure she didn’t mean it in a harmful way but she didn’t realize that you’d take it that way. people from other generations have different view points that can be extremely damaging and i think you might need to point that out to her that while she means well, it’s very hurtful to you.

as for this guy, he seems super nice and i hope things go well between you two. if he turns you down for your weight tho, i promise he’s not worth your time. if he’s as good of a guy as you say he is, he won’t give a shit about what you look like as long as you’re happy.

bodies come in so many different shapes and sizes and ultimately i think you’ve gotta love and work with what you’ve got. if you want to lose weight that’s totally up to you, just make sure you’re doing it in a healthy way and not hurting yourself. my journey to accepting the way i look has taken so many years and i still have days where i don’t even want to look in the mirror. what’s helped me is just focusing on the things about myself that i like, instead of what i don’t. speaking kindly about yourself will really get you a long way.

if you ever wanna talk about anything, my messages are open. i’m here if you need anything.

[skittles1229]

Old Expectations Die Hard (Dashie x Reader Fanfic)

Chapter One: Weird Circumstances

You know your life is complicated when the friend you always complain to says "you never have a dull moment do you?" I sigh as the weight of the world seems to make it impossible to breath. You see recently things have been rough. I lost my job and my fiance all in the same day, that itself was an unbelievable story. I was so upset and strung out on thoughts of what to do that once i got home early from work i didn't notice the extra car in the driveway. i stepped into my home and my own floors felt as if they'd given way when i saw the guy i thought i'd be spending my life with in bed, with my sister... my sister and i hadn't been on good terms for a while and for a good reason! The drugs she took either made her unreliable and selfish or crazy and murderous. He, of course, pulled the its not what you think, id never hurt you, it was a mistake, and honestly i could write a book out of the excuses i heard in the time of two minutes but maybe another time. Needless to say i left. I never thought about going back and to be honest my sister looked more hurt then i was. I took a job in California a few weeks ago and moved in with my friend (BFF Name). They always seemed to know what to say and honestly i truly believe They  knew me better then i know myself. 

California gave me the biggest culture shock I've ever had. I came from Mississippi, the bible belt and the most rural part of the world. California was sooooo different then what i was use to. The weather is awesome. There's lots of jobs for technical people, at least until you're 45 and then you're considered ancient and you can't possibly know anything when some 23-year old out of Stanford tells you that they know it all. (a little bit of sarcasm there) It's a great place to start a new company, money is available as is talent. The risk of starting a company is lower since you can always find a new job The politics are insane, if you aren't towing the progressive party line you should just STFU. If you even once say that Trump has done something positive, or that Obama did something negative prepare for the wrath. Read the stuff behind the recently filed lawsuit against google for a taste of what it's like. Seriously, don't say a word. The state if structurally bankrupt, although the finances look good because so much stuff is off of the balance sheet. The public pension liability dwarfs the "good" part of the budget, and some day it is coming home to roost. Watch out when it does. The cost of living is absurd, really absurd. I'm not talking just a place to live but gas, electricity, haircuts, milk, pizza, you name it. The traffic is absurd too. (can you tell i like the word absurd) The public transit, although usually on time, is a mess. People are pigs, they throw trash everywhere, the cars are overcrowded almost all the time. 

I've got to say, from how much it sounds like i hate California, i actually don't.  Mainly because its so far away from my original family, leaving really helped me start to grow up and feel like maybe i was getting a hold of my life again. Only problem has been getting to my new job on time. I work as a barista and a waitress at a brunch place a good minute away from the apartment. The money is good, otherwise i wouldn't waste my time with the commute everyday. i keep being late to work because i still haven't adjusted to how terrible traffic is and so my boss was "nice" enough to switch me to the later shifts. The hours are long and boring because my shift starts in the middle of rush hour to the slowest hours at the end of the day meaning you have to find things to keep yourself busy with. the only good thing is, we can wear pretty much anything we want as long as its black. all i wear is dark colors so i didn't have to spend any extra money on a uniform and i didn't have to wear the same thing everyday. Today i decided i wear a v-neck shirt that with an emperor waist (body forming) with black skinny jeans and my regular converse. i decided against driving to work and decided it would be far smarter to catch a bus to the nearest destination. My (hair color) hair was done is a fishtail messy braid, i always liked this style because it made me look like i had a head full of hair when in reality i thought i was going bald. 

My personality was a little odd, you see some days i felt like the beautiful nerd who has no confidence and wants to hide away in a hole. other days i feel like a model from Victoria secrets, of course those are the days i get the most tips. today was honestly a mutual day, where id rather be at home in my bed asleep, or listening to music. The bus finally stopped a block away from my job and i sighed obviously not wanting to go into work. surprisingly there wasn't nearly  as many cars as there usually is around this time but i wasn't complaining. i walk in to see that most of the downstairs was empty but whoever was upstairs definitely had a loud mouth. i walk to the back in order to clock in and i bump into melany ( the girl im shifting with). "wow you actually got here on time! Maybe the boss's mood will cheer up." i huffed a little. "yea, i dont know why i thought id need a car in California, say whats with the low level of customers? its NEVER this slow." she looked at me in disdain, "some guys reserved the entire upstairs and we had to make this huge table out of all our tables up there, glad im not gonna be the one fixing it later." i rolled my eyes, i hated when a huge family came in and they just had to move everything around because little johnny wants the sit next to suzzie and suzzie HAS to sit by her parents bc she likes to throw her food on the floor, all fake names but a real situation ive been in before. "well have they at least been fed so that i only have to clean up after them?" she shook her head while hanging up her apron. "nope, they've only ordered their drinks and they are getting those onto trays now." so today was gonna be like every other day. "guess i better go help them take those upstairs then, have a good rest of your day." i walk away and slip on my apron, grabbed one of the trays of drinks while another waiter grabbed the rest of the drinks. Once i got upstairs, that's when i met him...

Chapter Two: Last Will and Testament

          He was sitting on the far end of the long table of people laughing and joking. everyone seemed to be loud and all had their own inside jokes. This guy, he stuck out. i changed my attention to the task at hand, finishing this shift. i hated when people moved all the tables and seating around. all the waiters and waitresses have to go back behind them and look at the layout of the floor to put them all back exactly as they were before. it was a struggle and because of this nobody actually wanted that job so usually the manager gives it to her least favorite workers and i happened to be one. "who all had coke?" nobody answered me so one of the men bellowed out the same line and somehow was able to get a show of hands. i walked around handing  out drinks, catching the lingering smell of strong liquor. i could tell by the end of tonight they would all be wasted and loud. please, just don't make more of a mess then you have to, i thought to myself. i had one drink left on my tray, "sweet tea?" the guy i saw before at the end of the table waved his hand and i dreaded going over there, i always seem to make a fool of myself when it matters. 

     i make my way slowly down the table with the tray under my arm and the tea in my hand. i lean over to sit his drink on the table.."here's your t-" *CRASH* while joking with one of his friends his elbow crashes into my hand sending the tea flying all over me and the cup crashing to the floor, thank god i wore black. he turned around and looked more horrified then i did. "i'm sorry! i'm so sorry!" his voice was deeper then i imagined it'd be. "no, it my fault i'm sorry ill get you a new one." i turned away to hide my embarrassment and walked away really just trying to get away from the situation. i could tell from the silence behind me that all eyes were on me. i ran to the back where the lockers were for the service. i went to the bathroom and stripped the sticky clothes off throwing them aside. i sat on the toilet  trying to catch my breath, my social anxiety had struck me  hard. a feeling of worthlessness and dread fell over me like a blanket. after the past few months i've had just one day without something terrible happening would mean the world to me. i heard a knock on the door, it was melany, she walked in with a towel from the kitchen. "hey, i heard what happen upstairs are you ok?" i covered my breast trying keep myself as unexposed as possible. "oh yea im fine, im just cold, and sticky, and... covered in tea." melany and i made eye contact and both laughed just to lift the dread in the air. "let me guess, all the guys are getting a kick out of watching me fumble again huh?" i said a little less concerned and more annoyed. she rolled her eyes "they are boys, they get a kick out of picking their own nose. we both slid to the floor beside each other, she hands me the damp towel. i get most of the sticky off as possible, throwing my hair up to make it look less clumped together by the sugar. "i have an extra black t shirt in my locker but i don't know how it will fit you. your breast are at least a size larger then mine." i shrugged my shoulders, "who cares ill make do. thanks for your help melany." she smiled her weird anime girl smile and ran to get the shirt from her locker.

     ill have to admit, she was right about the size thing. it was far to small around the chest area but the rest fit fine. after the incident my boss stuck me down stairs wiping tables and sweeping the floor, i dont mind though because i get to experience the day coming to an end with a beautiful sunset over California. i secretly kept the the window to watch as the sun fell from the sky. the sky seemed to burn and darken while the clouds began to glow with the last bit of sunlight left. the sky filled up with burning Burgundy and faded orange and yellows, the tallest buildings seemed to reach for the skyline as if it were a sunflower moving to the last drip of sunlight. moving here had been hard, and this had become one of the things i looked forwards to. living in the apartment with my friend was nice, buts its not the same as coming home to someone you use to lay with every night. sleeping alone seemed so much colder and emptier then i remembered from childhood. my mother would be so disappointed in the way i turned out, in the places id gone and the decision to spend my life with someone who was most obviously the wrong one. she would have told me to slow down and to take my time, that growing up wasn't everything. she would have said love isn't something you just wake up and have, its something you make. i wasn't anywhere close to where i thought id be by now, and i could see that. it tears at my heart everyday, not being able to see her or any of my family. sometimes it felt as if they'd all died in the fire that night. 

     i suddenly heard a boom of voices making their way down the stairs, i hadn't realized how close to closing time it had become. all of them walk out stumbling and laughing at their own jokes, seems they all got a good bit of drinking in, all except one. The guy i ran into on accident seemed as sober as ever, designated driver i think, he was much taller now. he seemed muscular but in such a fitting way for his body. his teeth sparkle because their so white, his smile complimented him best. his high cheekbones made his chocolate brown eyes his best feature. His skin was glowing with a sweet honey hue and before i could notice that i was staring he turned his head. his eyes met mind before i could think twice and that's when i felt the heat rise to my cheeks. weather it be from embarrassment or silly school girl shyness i didn't know . i turned my face away but it was too late, i turned my face a little just to catch a glimpse of him before he made his way out of the door and that's when i noticed his cheeks had gone from a burnt caramel to a rosy color. i felt my body shiver at the thought that maybe, just maybe he found me as attractive as i found him. i shook the thought from head realizing they had began locking the place down. as i helped close up shop and wash dishes i couldn't help but to let my mine wander to all different kinds of thoughts, funny thing was they always fell back to him and his rosy  cheeks. i couldn't help but smile as i felt my heart race at the thought of him, even though id made a fool of myself today i was glad i hadn't ruined my chances. Even if he'd never get with me or i wouldn't ever see him again, i'd still take it as a compliment that he even looked my way. 

     before long we were all outside laughing and talking about today. The manager locked the doors and said his goodbyes. i turn to walk towards the bus station when i see a man standing aside awkwardly between the restaurant and the parking lot. suddenly my eyes adjusted and once they did, the joyousness butterflies came back and the blush suddenly reappeared on my cheeks..

There are lots more chapter after this if you are interested you can find them here

https://my.w.tt/sosFRmianbb

[fairycosmos]

Sorry for bothering you angel but I have noone else to talk to.I really dont know what to do anymore. I'm so suicidal that I don't know how i'm still alive,how i'm able to breath it just doesn't feel right being alive.My mind keeps telling me to do something to end it all and I'm just numb.The worst thing is that even the closest person in my life doesn't know how bad it is bc i'm always the one to help them with their depression and im so drained.I'm just here to help other no matter how broken

hey love, i’m so sorry to hear you’re going through such a difficult time right now  😞 but you’re not bothering me at all, so don’t worry about that. firstly i really hope you’re currently in a safe environment and that you remain there, above all else. you were able to send this and reach out for some form of support even anonymously and that’s a really good sign. i’m proud of you for being here and for making it to this point, and i want to thank u for being so open with me because i know it’s not easy. secondly i really want to stress that you can’t believe anything your mind is telling you right now, seriously. one of the biggest illusions of mental illness is that it convinces you to think in black and white, to believe that everything negative is permanent and that there’s no way forward. but that’s never the case in reality. there is so much that can be done to change your habitual thinking patterns, your sense of self worth and just the general situation you’re in right now. in fact, change is inevitable if you stick around long enough to see it. it’s happening constantly, even when you don’t realise it. and so is healing and growth, even when you’re in pain too. it is entirely possible to recuperate, for happiness and peace to become a consistent theme in your future. yes, you. i know it’s probably impossible to believe in this moment but i hope you can still accept the sentiment anyway, because it’s true. and what’s more than that, you deserve it. you’re able to give your time and energy to others who are dealing with what you’re also dealing with, and that’s wonderful, but you are COMPLETELY worthy of receiving that same energy and love. i promise. if you need to take some time to focus on your own mental health rather than on those around you, then that’s perfectly fine and there’s no shame in that. it can be hard to internalize everyone else’s grief, and quite emotionally exhausting at times, so don’t let your mind make you feel bad for needing some space. it’s the most natural, human thing in the world. and i’m sure those that care for you want to hear what you’re going through too, i’m sure they want the chance to return the favour and to be there for you. you can give them that by opening up. no matter how hard it is to actually reach out, please please know that the option is always there and that you are never as alone as your mind wants you to believe. another tactic of depression is that it wants you to isolate yourself so you don’t feel the comfort of other people and their perspective, so the only thing you can believe is your own bad thoughts - but you CAN choose to subvert that urge, to talk to those around you about whats going on in your head. it’s okay. if not them, there are a lot of suicide/mental health hotlines available 24/7, and there’s also the option of talking to your doctor/a therapist/a support group to see if they can help you implement a treatment plan (if you haven’t done so already.) even if you have to force the words out, just tell them what you told me. it doesn’t have to make sense, you just have to let it out. sometimes mental illness is just as serious as physical illness and it needs real medical attention in order to overcome, and that’s alright. it’s something a lot of people go through, and it looks different for everyone. but just picking up the phone and making that appointment or talking to a loved one can make a massive difference. there is so much that can be done in terms of therapy - identifying the root causes of why you feel the way you do, giving you the tools to fight the episodes in a healthy way when they do arise - but at the end of it you CAN learn to live a happy and full life despite those days where you just want to give up. it’s a matter of time, finding the balance that suits you and getting through each day long enough to see the results of your progress.

i know it all feels like too much effort, and i’m not saying you have to do any of this right now. or that talking to someone will solve everything. and i’m very very familiar with that debilitating brand of numbness you’re describing - it makes everything genuinely feel beyond hopeless and so far away, it is so so heavy and i don’t blame you for being exhausted. but it’s also so possible for the feeling and the presence to return back to your life, one area at a time. i often think of it like my souls got pins and needles and i need to massage the numbness away with care and patience. you said you don’t know how you’re still alive - it’s because you’re supposed to be. it’s because some part of you, no matter how tired of all this shit you are, recognizes that there is a lot worth holding onto. even if your brain isn’t allowing you to see it in this moment. i hate to be cliche, but when it really comes down to it nothing would be the same without you. you exist and see this world through your unique perspective and love in your own specific way because you’re here. and no one else is you and that is more than good enough. there is so much waiting for you, man. recovery is possible in so many forms, and i’m not just saying that at all. i would fucking hate to think of you acting on your temporary emotions and only regretting it when it’s far too late to go back, and unfortunately i think that occurrence is very common in people who suffer through this sort of thing. as a person and as someone who has been given the chance to experience this world for a fraction of a moment in human history, i hope more than anything you can simply allow yourself to do that. and that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to have bad days, or to hate this world sometimes because i absolutely do too. it can be hellish, and we have a right to be in pain. but that doesn’t mean we’re beyond hope and help. it doesn’t mean there aren’t a million different ways to make this all feel more manageable, one step at a time. some days getting through one minute at a time counts as a great victory, and you’ve done it a million times before. so please, if you feel like you’re in danger, please just call someone. don’t listen to your mind anymore, don’t feed into it. just get yourself to safety even if you have to act on autopilot. it’s going to be so worth it so much sooner than you think, im serious. you need some rest, maybe to practice some mindfulness and to focus your brain on some low energy positive coping mechanisms, and to let someone know how you’re doing if possible - all of this will allow you to stop spiraling inwards and start focusing on whats going on around you. i’ll leave a few links that may be of some service to you. please know that i care and that so many people do, that your life is so much more than this moment/what you’ve been through so far. if you need a friend or if you want to talk about this properly, please let me know. i’m here and i understand a lot of us do. sending so much, please stay safe above all else love. that’s all you gotta focus on right now x

https://faq.whatsapp.com/general/security-and-privacy/global-suicide-hotline-resources/

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/suicidal.htm

https://www.healthquality.va.gov/guidelines/MH/srb/OvercomingSuicidalThoughtsandFeelingsFINAL.pdf

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/depression.htm

https://www.mind.org.uk/media-a/2960/suicidal-feelings-2016.pdf

[xueyangs-pinky-finger]

Omg you've seen a.c.e in concert??? I'm so jealous!!! I've only recently discovered them and I'm sort of in love with Jun. Who's your fave member? They're all such dorks!!! Have you see their new part change video where they're dressed in halloween costumes while they dance?

Hahaha I occasionally post about my cats on my Tumblr so revealing their names might give me away. 😉

I'm also very bad at picking favourites in The Untamed. There are just so many contenders!! But I think lwj and wwx might be at the very top for me. I think I relate a lot to lwj too! I'm usually silent and seem closed off and unemotional until people know me. When I was younger, people have called me expressionless or commented on how I never smiled. And I relate to having grown up with strict rules and struggling to figure out how to navigate the world when you realise that those rules don't work.

I do agree with you about how xue yang might have turned out if he'd had more sympathy and compassion shown to him as a child. I do pity xue yang's, jiggy's and su she's circumstances for the same reason although I could never forgive their actions.

What are your favourite tropes, situations and scenes to read fanfiction about? I really enjoy canon compliant getting together fics, and friends to lovers, and YEARNING (and a lot more but these are the ones I seem to end up reading most). Oh and anything where the female characters get to survive, kick ass and live happily ever after.

-🎵🦄

oh yeah we all went last year on my dad’s birthday, so it was almost a year ago exactly now, wow, time 🛫 they’re such good dancers and seem rly sweet too :(( i can totally see how you’d fall in love w/ jun; he kind of closed his fingers around everyone’s hands in the hi-touch for a moment instead of just doing a brisk high five 🤧

i decided to let myself double bias donghun and chan after the concert, bc there was this moment when we were standing in line for the hi-touch where i was rly sure DH looked right at me?? it’s possible he was looking at the ppl around me too, but like it felt like he was looking right at me. plus we share a bday so like omg fate?? but then chan’s such a qt pie and he literally covered “do you wanna build a snowman?” like how could i not love him?? but yeah all the members are great :’) i haven’t seen that vid yet but i’ll keep it in mind~!

ah, i see 👀

yes, exactly…! i think a lot of us can relate to him, including wyb, lol. i think even my family have trouble reading my emotions~ omg when it was picture day in preschool alskdf i said -_- when ppl actually comment about you not smiling tho, oh my god, that’s the worst !! as if you pointing that out is gonna make me smile, jfc 🙄(dude that scene in captain marvel where the guy tells her she’d look better if she smiled, and she not only doesn’t do so, but also steals his motorcycle... therapeutic)

yeah i’m not at all a forgiving or even trusting person when it comes to real life, but that’s part of the fun of immersing yourself in fiction, heh. mdzs rly is fascinating in how it explores morality~ for some reason jgy and ss don’t break my heart like xy does tho... like i see where they’re coming from, but i don’t feel for them as much? maybe bc they were like twice as old as him when the main bad shit happened to them, idk. xy just feels like a misguided kid who never grew up and learned right from wrong, whereas the others... they feel a bit less childlike and a bit more sinister i guess, lol. i would never condone xy’s behavior tho, as least not with any more seriousness than when whx does so, lmao. it’s low-key kinda fun to jokingly excuse it tho 🙃

so far i’ve only read soft xuexiao fics pls don’t judge me ahhh let me think, back when i used to read a lot of finnpoe fics… i think fluff, mutual pining, coffee shop aus, things like that? for mdzs, i’m just looking for fluff dude, pls, the canon has enough angst alskdf. give me fix-its and aus and reincarnation; i need it !!! while reading the novel, i’m also kind of wishing we got a twilight-style parallel book where it’s just mdzs from lwj’s perspective, so i might look into reading some things from his pov if the novel doesn’t satisfy my curiosity~ all the things you mentioned are rly good too!! i haven’t read any with the ladies yet; do you have any recs? 👉👈

[yeba]

Don't you think they're gonna be uncomfortable to find a random person online that doesn't know them personally shipping them and pretending they're together?

honestly, I do

that's why I think it's very important to keep that kind of stuff on the backburner and stay as far from official accounts as possible

I cant stand when people comment shipping things on official channels, like yongs youtube, byuls insta, or the mmm twt account, for example. it's very inappropriate, inconsiderate, and not to mention a little creepy

also, not gonna lie, even though I do lightly ship now, I still find the idea of shipping real people to be very strange and a very touchy subject. to this day, I still have a lot of issues with shipping and the idea of shipping

I was faced with the argument that "its part of the job" so in turn 'it's okay and doesnt bother idols', but no offense to the person who told me this, but that's one of the stupidest things I've ever heard. That's saying the same as "having stalkers and no privacy" or "having no rights" is simply "part of the job."

the same person told me "well idols smile and seem happy when they see people holding up shipping signs at concerts." I'm sorry, but people also smile when they are uncomfortable. also, not only do they have to put on a nice face as a celebrity, but they also have a responsibility to make fans happy (not my thoughts, but their company's ideas). so of course they will smile if they dont brush it off completely

specifically with moonsun, they have several times told fans to knock it off with the comments. how many times do they have to say they are uncomfortable with it before people take their words seriously and do as they ask? they say this, yet fans are so quick to take the comments as "proof" of the ship being real. b u l l s h i t. leave them alone when they say something and quit trying to twist their words to fit your perverted fantasies

"they've been dealing with it for years" is also a pretty low comment imo - just bc they have doesnt make it any less strange or any more okay

they are just normal people who happen to be famous. that shouldnt change anything about them, how we perceive them, or how we treat them. wouldnt it make you (not you specifically, just a figure of speech) uncomfortable if people were shipping you and your best friend? for most people, it would be very uncomfortable, so why would it be any less for idols? it isnt and shouldnt be

people are so quick to lose a grasp on the reality of the situation, and quick to ditch the fact that they are real living beings, and not puppets for their fantasies

if you ship real people together, I firmly believe you have a responsibility to control your actions and are very accountable for them. if you cross a boundary, it's a big deal and you have to deal with it

when it comes to fanfiction and art, people say like "it's just a character based off of X person" or something like that, but that's the biggest bullshit I've ever read. it is based off the real person no matter what you say and we all know that. where I'm trying to go with this is there is a big responsibility one has when they write fanfiction or make fanart. you are in essence playing with a real person's life and that is no small matter. one has to conduct themselves in a thoughtful manner

but yeah, I do think it makes them uncomfortable to see shipping

[elizabethrobertajones]

not to play devil's advocate bc fuck that anon, but i don't think they were bitching about the destiel scene per se so much for the context of it, and the big romantic implication that we were waiting for was just a throwaway sex joke from a demon that we've heard the likes of so many times and it.. doesn't really move their relationship anywhere. i hope you understand.

Yeah, I do, when you’re not aggressive about it (thanks

I just feel like that anon’s aggressiveness was entirely about the sense of being promised an entire scene and then lashing out and blaming me/the fandom/the show?? for promising them something huge and taking their generalised disappointment/overall anger at the show and bundling it all into using this as the scapegoat for their anger. If they had just taken a mo to read those tweets again it came across fairly clearly to me that it was a single line and also one that was in the category of whoops and cheers and laughter from Jensen rather than “awww”s and other less bawdy reactions. The thing is that those spoilers weren’t hyping it up as anything more than what it was, and knowing now full well that it was a single line, re-read those tweets and it’s very clear that they were reporting faithfully on the moment while trying not to spoil it. Especially all 4 together in that post, which was the most popular I saw circulating, and I feel like anon in particular seemed to have been waiting for an entire scene and somewhere or other got very hyped up for something that no one had promised them from any of these 1st hand reports. Seeing the tweets again reminded me I had the anon in my inbox and I got pretty pissed off that they got so annoyed about it when I was taking another look at the spoilers with all the context… I just, like, really hate speculation and spinning enormous narratives like gold out of straw. 

I didn’t really talk about the moment itself, but, yeah. It isn’t anything new - Dabb has even written 3 years ago an almost identical scene with the angels taunting Cas with the implication he and Dean are boning, but this one made the connection absolutely clear for the audience, with no leaps whatsoever to connect what he was saying to Destiel, vs it being Dean’s phonecall that set that angel to threatening to cut off Cas’s junk. And we’ve gone a pretty long time since that level of taunting. I’ve always liked that 7x23 was the last time we got a “he’s your boyfriend” for a pretty hefty stretch of Carver era… I’m actually struggling to remember if there ARE any direct implications in seasons 8 or 9, and then in 10 we get the “Deastiel” moment in 10x05, and the deleted boyfriends argument in 10x14, and overall Carver era is extremely low on these implications and ‘jokes’ compared to Gamble era. I DO think the direct implications without any actual representation or canon sucks especially because these heap up and up and up in the ongoing annuals of Dean n Cas implications which are starting their 10th full year now. Like, interesting as they are on a meta level and for rolling along with the story having fun etc, cumulatively they suck when that’s as visible as it gets. 

I do think, though, that in general this line would have been treated with a lot more fun if it hadn’t been spoiled at all because even sensible people like yourself can build up an expectation that the line might not be another one of these, just out of hoping for the best/giving the show the benefit of the doubt. Like actually maybe it could be someone calling Cas on his feelings (like 13x04 and the Empty accusing him of having some secret love, which was profound rather than teasing and a whole other category of this stuff minus the whole har har it’s funny that you might be gay together thing which for me hands an enormous amount of leeway to the snide comments from bad guys as it creates the weight to the relationship which makes it more than something spun from nothing but needling from villains who think its a joke, whether they seem to believe it or not). So I do get the hope that you can build up that it might have been something else, even against the spoiler than Jensen absolutely cracked up at it (which to me, knowing how he laughs at these things in general, was really the thing that made me guess it was going to be pretty much what we got but I know I apply a lot of lowest possible expectations to thinks just to protect myself). 

Being bitter and cynical about it without proper mental upkeep in the direction of positivity can be really wearing. *I* can be cynical because I don’t mean it as wank and I know I still love the show etc etc so I’m prepared for the event without it coming across as disappointment… But that’s a strong mental wall I made and I know not everyone wants to/can/thinks we should have to do that. I sort of feel ALL media can be disappointing or not what you were after and basically only stuff you make yourself and a rare few creators will scratch the exact thing you want without issues. So I don’t feel it’s weird to allow SPN leeway to do sucky things so much as it’s the thing I’m most invested in so I have to be a lot more clear about them, while if other media lets me down in some way I am way more casual and roll with it easier to start with. And with SPN being heavily invested for so long, I’ve weathered SO MUCH outrage over these things and worse and less that something like this is very easy for me to soak with my mental armour and take on the chin and see it for what it is in the first place and so on without having particularly bitter thoughts when I immediately divine what type of line it will be from the spoilers. It’s not a “oh it will probably be garbage gay teasing” it a much more gentle reaction, knowing that I’ve already watched this far knowing the show does it so one more instance is just another for the record books. 

I mean there’s a feeling of collecting the show’s sins and weighing its heart when all is said and done in the future when the show ends. But that’s extremely morbid so I don’t linger on that part of this sort of disassociative permissiveness to the show’s nonsense :P

Anyways. It’s good to be excited about the show but when it comes specifically to wild destiel spoilers I do think this fandom seriously needs an overall better filter to decide what will truly happen, and there’s no one person to blame, it’s a mindset and we very easily get carried away, and I’ve had to learn the hard way that I need to set myself as a rock in that river and let it wash past me. And not make hard lines of saying not to get enthusiastic for ANYTHING because oftentimes spoilers about Dean n Cas working together or chilling together DO turn out to be really good and in no way should we approach the episodes like we’re going to be attacked, because that’s where bitter stan fandom factions come from. It’s so complicated, and I really was trying not to say anything about it but then I got frustrated and it’s hard to be completely perfect about keeping quiet on annoyances… :P 

I don’t know what the tl:dr is here.. I don’t blame people for getting excited, for sure. But maybe just for lashing out at others when they don’t get what they want and are really incautious. The original anon conjured a whole scene up they wanted, not just a line, and that to me is the perfect example of fandom spinning straw into gold with hype, and something I really can’t stand and at that point I start to say there IS a personal blame/responsibility. Peeps who weren’t THAT irrationally expectant and then proportionately furious after are cool and I wasn’t blaming anyone else >.> 

[applejongho]

ahww you're so sweet you deserve the world 😭😭

omg I'm jealous jdjdjdj i mean my sleep schedule is closer to normal when I'm in uni but it could be a lot better and i feel like i don't care when I'm up until late but then i suffer the next day jsjdjdj but I'll have to make it better because next semester I'll have to wake up early every day 😭😭 so it's actually really great that you can manage your sleep well!

tbh i wanted to focus more on friends this year but then the pandemic happened so i couldn't even see most of them because we live in different countries:((( but hopefully next year 😊

god i feel you, it kinda terrifies me when i see people not wearing a mask. as if it's that hard. luckily i don't go out that much but there's a bunch of people who have to go out every day and they can't afford getting sick because of other people's stupidity :////

idk what exactly is it about voices but it's probably the only song i can't get tired of. and every time i listen to it i get butterflies in my stomach jsjdjdn and then i cry when I'm in a sad mood jdjfjfjd it's a very deep and meaningful song :')))) it's a masterpiece if you ask me lmao

omg the tortoise and the hare indeed feels like the bohemian rhapsody of kpop 😂😂😂 idk it's something I've never heard before and i guess that's why it's so impactful. skz geniuses confirmed!

tbh i don't stan many groups. I've been a kpop fan for quite a while and basically all the groups i loved have disbanded since or they're not active anymore or have had lineup changes :// and lately i just don't have the time to get into newer groups. sometimes i have these phases when I'm obsessed with a group but then that kinda dies down. so there's a handful of groups i follow more closely. my ult group atm is skz, but i love monsta x, a.c.e and ateez the most. i listen to a bunch of groups though! i used to have a bts phase too haha and sometimes i watch their variety shows but i don't consider myself a stan. but their music is really nice, one of my fav groups in terms of music :3

haha i hope you get into ateez they're so funny 😂😂😂 i love them! i haven't been able to catch up with atz content lately but i love them a lot :')))) - 🎅

I hope you can see your friends at some point! 🥺 A lot of my friends live close but between school and the pandemic we just,,, haven't met up. I've never had a normal college semester (this was my first one) and I'm just yearning for the chance to be able to hang out on campus and interact w people. Craving that human interaction

Fr, I even saw someone w one of those dumb mesh masks? I was in disbelief but it was quite the experience bc the person walked into the building, a library, and immediately all of these librarians were like "you need to wear a regular mask" and I stan libraries already but at that moment I wanted to like, do a backflip and give them my first born child bc getting all in her face was sexy fhfjsks. Luckily I live in an area where masks are taken seriously so generally people do well with masks

Wait omg that's cool, what's it like having been in the kpop world for a while? Has it gotten better (like in terms of fans and culture)? I think I can say I've been in kpop for almost five years oh my God I didn't realize it was that long but if you've stanned groups that have disbanded I wonder how long you've been in the kpop world 🧐

Yesss, I think I'd say skz is my ult, but bts is like,,, my second ult? Lol 😭 bc with BTS, I've been a fan for so long (like Feb 2016??) it's hard to imagine life without them, and even right before finding skz I wasn't as into them as I was for the first few years of knowing them, so then skz came along and made my life turn a full 180 lmao. Like I don't think I'll ever not be an army but I've low-key grown out of them so I'll admire and support them from afar, but skz...