#(and very genuinely I want to know what she did to publish this without being lawsuited by dolly parton)

[cool-as-steel]

finished steadfast — as expected, the extremely compelling setup did not turn land on its feet as well as hoped, but I had fun anyways

[violetasteracademic]

Hi , I want to ask if you think Lucien was always meant to have a rejected mating bond with an Archeron sister ?

Hello lovely anon!

So.... this is a tough question to answer- because where does always begin in the writing process?

Does it begin in the first draft? Does it begin in the wild prophetic visions you have at three am that you want to scribble down but you don't because you are trying to sleep, but still, it lingers? Does it begin in a beat sheet, a plot outline, a Pinterest board?

I'm not sure if SJM always intended a rejected mating bond. To be completely honest, I go back and forth. I think that Sarah has let a lot of things slip that she wrote that were never going to even be submitted to her editor on a first draft (like the famed Nesta/Cassian/Azriel batwich, RIP and I'm still waiting on SJM to write a threesome). And yet when she shares those things, people almost consider it canon and analyze it to death and use it to prove certain things. At some point, she probably really genuinely considered making Lucien and one of the sisters a couple, but I can't say for sure where in the process that died.

I remember seeing Emily Henry share on her stories recently an addition to her "RIP" character list- as in characters that she had written that literally did not even make it into the book. The first draft of Beach Read was actually a love triangle, involving some local guy who owns an ice cream business or something of the sort who is also trying to romance January. I can see what she might have been trying to do there- give January two options reflecting two sides of her. Ice Cream Steve (not sure if those details are correct but we'll go with it) would have served as a perfect foil to Grave Digging, Bleak Literary Fiction Author Gus. But ultimately, Ice Cream Steve did not even make it to the book. Do we treat him as real? Do we wonder if he may have been a better fit for January? Do we analyze what this means for January and Gus?

I'll get a little bit into the technicality of what developmental editing is and how it can completely reshape a story, erase characters, create characters, and shift their storylines, but what I do know is this- the function of Lucien being assigned an Archeron sister, any Archeron sister, is completely clear: To win him over to the Night Court as an ally and embolden him to help Feyre get away from Tamlin. This is absolutely critical. Lucien's role in the story since this hasn't developed romantically because he is mated to one of the Archeron sisters, it has spun off in a new direction plot wise with the Band of Exiles, Vassa, Koschei, and the human queens- which also develops a tentative relationship between himself and his brother Eris again, with his mating bond hovering in the background. However, his mating bond began this new direction, and it wouldn't have existed without it:

Lucien would not have left if it were not for the mating bond. I believe that is the element that was always true. Lucien's mating bond, be it with Elain, or Nesta as originally planned, was always going to be a plot device. And I can answer where I believe the story of a love triangle at the very least began its groundwork- which is A Court of Mist and Fury. I personally think that as of publishing ACOMAF Lucien and Elain were already done, fizzling out in the developmental editing process, and Azriel and Elain were endgame, but I'm open to those who see it differently.

Before we move on, here are the different types of editors:

A development editor basically edits the story at large. They focus on elements like theme, character development, plot holes, ECT. When dealing with a series, often times an author will provide a detailed packet to their developmental editor before doing dev runs. This is because the developmental editor needs to understand where the story is headed. They need to understand what needs to be appropriately foreshadowed, what themes to highlight, and keep their eye on the big picture so that everything comes to a well developed, emotionally charged, and thematically satisfying conlcusion.

What is clear to me is that Azriel and Elain were being developed emotionally and thematically in ACOMAF:

These are the types of passages that focus on the big picture. Before Feyre's sisters have become Fae, Feyre is musing on what her sisters would be like in Velaris. She thinks about how Nesta would like it, despite herself, and become fast friends with Amren (true) and how Elain would like Velaris, but she would cling to Azriel for peace and quiet. True. Feyre considers how handsome Elain and Azriel would be together if he ever stopped loving Mor.

Developmentally- what is the purpose of this? It's the same book that Lucien and Elain's mating bond is revealed, so why muse on Elain and Azriel as a couple if Azriel could get over Mor, which he now has because of Elain? Meanwhile, Elain is engaged. Feyre doesn't say a word about that. She sees how her sister would want to be with someone like Azriel, and Feyre doesn't even think twice about Graysen because Azriel is right for her sister. This isn't Feyre being an unreliable narrator. Everything else in this passage came to be true.

These are the types of moments developmental editors hone in on to make sure theme and foreshadowing are strong and successful.

Of course this is already after the beautiful moments Azriel and Elain have together- Azriel getting shy and self conscious before dropping one of the most beautiful lines in all the books about being born hearing the song of the wind. Elain already being able to read Azriel- looking to him and smiling and finding comfort and assessing his countenance to see if everything is going okay.

If I'm a developmental editor, and I wanted it to be really clear why Lucien and Elain were right for each other- why would I keep all of this in? Why tie Elain and Azriel together thematically and emotionally? So again, this is where the question "where does always begin" comes into play. Did SJM realize in her first draft that Nesta and Lucien weren't going to work, so she switched to Elain, only to realize that Elain and Lucien don't have chemistry either? Was it after a developmental edit? I can't say for sure on that end. Maybe ACOMAF truly was just setting up a love triangle, but personally I think Elain and Az were always endgame as of the books being published, and trying to explore Elain and Lucien as a couple probably died out before the final draft of ACOMAF and SJM realized Lucien still needed to be mated to one of the sisters, thus ideas about the rejected mating bond started stirring instead and then were hit HARD in ACOWAR. I can see the argument that the door was being kept open for Lucien in ACOMAF, though I personally think Lucien's mating bond reveal was strictly a plot device. But what is extremely clear is that as of ACOWAR the path was set in stone.

Again- these are the things where, not to take credit away from Sarah, a developmental editor really comes into play. If Sarah is going, okay- who is Lucien going to end up with? Nesta? No, it can't be Nesta, even though that was originally the plan. Elain? Maybe, it could be Elain. What does that look like? Maybe it was Lucien and Elain in the pitch packet. Then a developmental editor goes, okay- where are we headed? What are the themes? What are the character arcs and growth we are looking for?

Then we move on to ACOWAR, and both of them were developed to have a theme of choice threaded into their interactions:

What these moments make clear is that the mating bond makes it impossible for Elain and Lucien to get what they truly want out of love with each other- for someone to love and choose them beyond the circumstances placed on them. Lucien wants this just as much as Elain does. They are now thematically connected in that way- in wanting to be chosen above all, despite everything. That's where this Facebook comment makes soooo much sense:

Nesta didn't have any growth or healing to offer Lucien, because thematically there was not really anything there between them. Nesta and Cassian also had this instant, intense connection that could not be ignored or played slowly. Nesta also didn't lose her fiance, she herself saying she had as little at stake in Velaris as she did on the other side of the wall. Nesta had anger and resentment. Elain had loss, which on the surface could thematically match Lucien, but then we dig deeper to learn that they aren't only needing to heal from the loss of love, they are needing to heal from the loss of choice.

Elain was engaged to a man who hates fae. And Elain was always going to become Fae.

Lucien had his history and story with Jesminda since book one. He thought Jesminda was his mate. The woman who loved him for him, not because he was a High Lord's son or because of any other High Fae customs Lucien rejects. This is where you see the development. Lucien and Elain could have worked on an incredibly surface level, both of them having lost their first loves, but deeper themes revealed themselves that showed they mirror each other in a way that doesn't make them right for each other, but that allows them to face what needs to be faced: being strong and brave enough to choose for themselves instead of letting the world control them.

For Elain and Lucien to have made sense together thematically, everything should have been reversed. Elain should have been mated to Azriel, and then Elain and Lucien should have met somehow and fallen in love, and the choosing each other above all, love trumping even a mating bond, Lucien being chosen and loved without question, without hesitation, would have belonged to them.

But again, without the mating bond, Lucien and Elain wouldn't even have met in the first place and Lucien would not have left Spring. So where does that leave us? The mating bond as a plot device. It was literally required to move the story forward, but thematically is anticlimactic for both parties in terms of the kind of love they want for themselves.

So- was Lucien always going to have a mating bond rejection? Probably not. But where in the years long process did all of this reveal itself? Only Sarah knows that. But I think what is quite clear is that it was always going to happen if we start from what is published in the books between him and Elain.

I think it's very possible that SJM did really intend for Lucien to wind up with one of the sisters. But if you've ever gone through the writing process yourself, you realize pretty quickly how many things fall apart and don't work/make sense/are actually anti-thematic to the characters you've created. Maybe she'll tell us one day exactly when Elain and Lucien fell apart, just like Nesta and Lucien fell apart. But we do have to keep in mind that an author like SJM, who was able to sell a trilogy all at once, probably had to have at least a 25 page packet outlining the trilogy and it's development. So- was it Nesta and Lucien in the pitch packet? Was it Elain and Lucien, because even while structuring a pitch she realized Nesta and Lucien would never work while outlining, but thought Elain and Lucien would? Only to discover Elain and Azriel connecting while drafting ACOMAF?

Writing a book is years of plotting, outlining, writing, rewriting, editing, writing again, and sometimes what you come up with is unrecognizable from the plan. And considering SJM contracted a trilogy, she would have pitched in pretty significant detail what would happen in book two and book three. We'll see what Sarah does and does not choose to reveal!

I think that's everything! I love getting these questions from you guys. I still have a cue in my inbox, and I am sorry it's kind of random when my inspiration strikes and I have a clear answer and can quickly think of the passages and ideas! But I will try to get to my older ones that have been sitting for a minute, I promise!

What do you guys think? I know everyone has different thoughts on this and I love to hear them!

[taranida]

The Alan headcount; part 1

Alright, I started a theory on all the Alan Wakes we have in the games and, oh boy, did it get bloated. And I actually needed some of the Wakes just to establish important things to draw connections for the main idea. Now, looking at 10k words of build-up without even touching a fun part of connecting the dots, I’ve decided that it would be easier for me and for the reader to have it all split in two.

This part will be focused on the Alans, who don’t really spark arguments yet show and predict a lot. They extend what we know about Alan, add to his character, and allow us to see where some things in other Alans originate from. It will also mostly be focused on pre-AWII, with one exception. There will be no conclusion in the end; it’s just lists of what we know, a bit of dissecting of some of the facts, and nothing more. Aye, I will surely slap a cool quote at the end, but treat it more as a “what we know and ways to interpret it” or a light read of rambling about Alan Wake.

Alan Wake before and during 2010.

I will put this Alan in both parts because he is important, and what I wrote about him here is a foundation that can be applied to any of them (to some extent). We know an awful lot about him (and all of it might be a lie), so I will skip some parts that serve no purpose for the theory.

I’ll call him just Alan; so, what do we know about him:

Alan was born in 1977… or 1978-1979, the guide for AW states he was 31 in 2010, the memorial in AWII reads 1977-2010; go figure.

Alan was born in New York or moved there at a very young age, since he and Barry, who grew up in New York, were childhood friends.

Alan was born with a congenital condition that made him sensitive to light to the point of being blinded by it and prone to migraines.

Alan never knew his father and was raised by his mother, Linda Wake, who had mental issues and spent a lot of time in various institutions while Alan was growing up. Alan was deeply affected by the absence of his father or a father-figure in his life.

Alan had crippling nightmares as a child before his mother gave him the Clicker.

Alan’s first published story was “Errand Boy,” which centred around a broken and twisted father-son relationship, horror, and a lighthouse occupied by the creatures that might’ve been an inspiration for the Taken.

Alan’s first serious writing gig was being a semi-regular writer on the Night Springs show. He hated it, by the way, felt that it was trash, and he was not a real writer. But he got over it; Night Springs ended up being a huge part of his personality.

Alan might’ve taken a job as a night watchman, carrying a gun and torch, in hopes of getting inspiration for his stories; as he states in one of the manuscripts, his first passion was crime. It was a boring gig, but at least he ran into Alice.

Alan is madly in love with Alice and cannot live without her.

Alan also knew that Alice actually can live without him and was always afraid that she will leave him, not allowing himself to truly believe that she loves him.

Alan’s first novel was about Alex Casey; the series grew and brought him success that he didn’t handle well. Parties, fights, substance abuse—all this rock-star lifestyle BS.

Alan considered only two people being close to him: Barry and Alice. And they didn’t get along well, although both care about him and genuinely love him, as he did in return. We have no information about what happened to his mother and what relationship he had with her.

Alan hit a writer’s block after the last Casey novel and his state started to deteriorate. He was moody, angry, and quick to lash out; the rock-star BS intensified. This drove his marriage to a breaking point.

Alan’s involvement in the vacation is unknown; he did say in one of the flashbacks that he wants a vacation for him and Alice, but Alice surely was the one to arrange everything and choose Bright Falls.

Alan forgot more dreams about the Dark Presence than Clay Steward remembers.

Alan had nightmares on a regular basis at the start of the first game; if it’s connected with giving the Clicker to Alice is unknown.

Alan had anger issues.

Alan was a sceptic.

Alan wrote everything that happened in 2010, taking inspiration from Tom Zane’s books, he found in the shoebox in the cabin and advice from his non-human editor Barbara Jagger. His scepticism didn’t stop him from writing supernatural events and Lovecraftian beings.

Alan, even at the time of the first game, had very strict rules about how exactly he should write to make fiction come true. He presents it as some sort of hunches or a writer’s wisdom.

Alan can manipulate time.

Alan ate the Dark Presence and enslaved the Bright Presence.

Alright, maybe the last fact was a bit too exaggerated, but it’s not without truth. Alan did indeed enslave the Bright Presence (and, frankly, everyone who has been mentioned in the manuscripts, plus some others, whose manuscripts Alan didn’t find), but the deal with the Dark Presence is a bit more nuanced. His last words, before he sat down to write “the ending to the story,” effectively rewriting the whole loop we just witnessed in the game, were about balance. Knowing what we know now, Alan might’ve consumed the Dark Presence’s powers whilst banishing her, effectively becoming too large of a presence himself to leave the Dark Place, or he took her place because, as he said, the scales have to balance, everything has a price; the price of killing the Dark Presence and freeing Alice from the Dark Place is staying in the Dark Place (as he himself believes in AWII) with complimentary Scratch in your head. Both of those possibilities have supporting evidence, and it doesn’t really matter which one of them you choose to believe; they lead to the same outcome.

Being consistent af, I will address the first fact(-ish?): as far as I know, no extra material was deemed non-canon, therefore the guide for AW is still a source one can use. Yes, it has some conflicts with the games, but the games have some conflicts with the games, and given the loops, memory issues, and the nature of this story, that has no need for retcons (‘tis just another loop, mate!), I’d say Alan just doesn’t remember his own birthdate and changes it on a whim. Or there might be another reason, drawn from other sources, that have nothing to do with our story.

Honestly, I’m not sure other facts need any clarification; people who will read this surely know a thing or two about Alan Wake. Moving on.

Oh, boy, the weirdest part of this part of the theory is here. We step into the territory of Alans upon Alans. Join me on a glorious adventure of exploring the multialans, because they are plenty, although the juiciest Alans might await us in the second part.

Dark Alan

We will start with the Dark Alan from The Signal and The Writer DLCs. For clarity, I will refer to him as, well, D!Alan, yes, I’m this cheap.

D!Alan is batshit crazy.

D!Alan gave up and allowed the darkness to consume him.

D!Alan is suspiciously similar to the Dark Presence, both in powers and behaviour.

D!Alan is trying to get rid of his rational part, coming off as malicious, but in fact being desperate.

D!Alan doesn’t need a crutch of writing, he can dream whatever he wants and the Dark Place will deliver; more so, we know for sure he was in no state to even touch the typewriter. He can occasionally narrate what’s going on, but it seems to be more about his need to vent.

D!Alan claims that light burns him.

D!Alan is powerful enough to swipe away the Bright Presence (although not without the help of Rational Alan).

D!Alan loves TVs.

D!Alan is bitter and hurt because he was left to die in the Dark Place.

D!Alan is best represented in the cutscene with Hartman, where he agrees that everything that happened was only in his head. As we learn from AWII, being Alan and being trapped in the Dark Place is a fate worse than death.

D!Alan is in control in the DLCs.

D!Alan is one of the most tragic Alans we have across the games. He wants everything to end, and if you listen to his lines, that are not about how his other part will die; it’s heartbreaking. I find those at the end of The Signal, the most revealing:

What did he have left to fight for? He’d lost everything even before he came here. Even his sanity was gone. What was the point?

Why had everyone abandoned him to die here?

The loss of everything even before is a bit nuanced: was it about the troubled marriage, burden of fame, inability to write, or something else? Something else will be discussed in the second part. Nonetheless, this line gives me chills. And the last one, I quoted here... well, D!Alan is crazy; he cannot think clearly to realise that, even if he’s right, not much time passed for him to come to this conclusion. The DLCs take place right after the first game, before AWAN, actually long before, since in AWAN Alan states he already learnt how to try to communicate with our world, managed to get annoyed enough with Mr. Scratch, who visited him multiple times, and decided to change the story he was writing. At the end of The Writer we see the name of the next manuscript "Return." It is not the AWAN's "Return," it’s a different story that was sacrificed to save Alice from Mr. Scratch.

D!Alan is not just suspiciously similar to the Dark Presence; he is the Dark Presence of the DLCs. Not only he does what DP!Barbara was doing, he behaves exactly like Scratch—insecure, lost, yearning for love and attention. D!Alan affects the Dark Place the way Scratch does in AWII, and Scratch and Barbara act differently: Barbara uses her innate powers to keep Alan and Alice hostage, banish the Bright Presence from the cabin, or push Alan away from his clairvoyant dream-memory; Scratch just shows up, changing the story to his whims, wrecking everything on his way. Their control is manifested differently; Scratch is a Dark Presence that can create. As is D!Alan, he’s dreaming everything that happens (mostly), and we can see how his state deteriorates through the environment.

D!Alan is surely not writing, on more than one TV we see him laying on the floor, narrating what’s happening or about to happen. This Alan is a Master of the Dark Place. All it needed is just to lose all sanity, reason, and care, not about all the rules Alan likes to impose onto himself. First glimpse at why Alan is unable to escape the Dark Place for thirteen years, being perfectly able to do it at any point.

D!Alan also let the darkness in and decided it wasn’t so bad. It can be tied to Alan’s history of substance abuse (who knows what kind of high the darkness can give?). But, no matter why he decided it was nice, after the two Alans reunited in the end, this understanding, lingering feeling surely stayed. Albeit somewhat controlled for the time being.

Rational Alan

After the D!Alan, we surely need to talk about the Rational Alan, opposing the Dark Alan in the DLCs. Following the lazy pattern, I’ll call him R!Alan.

R!Alan is not so dissimilar to Alan. Actually, there are not many differences at all.

R!Alan as well can shape the Dark Place, although way more subtle than the D!Alan.

R!Alan is assisted by the Bright Presence, who delivers him some of the manuscript pages that turn into words or phrases (of power?).

R!Alan is neither a “Bright Alan” nor a good version of Alan; he’s irritable, bitter, and not a nice person through and through.

R!Alan needs to use these words to manifest tools, goods, memories, or entities, but it is unclear if every word originates from the manuscript or even delivered by the Bright Presence. There is a high possibility he dreams some of them himself.

R!Alan created Imaginary Barry to accompany him.

R!Alan could be dreaming some of the environment as well, since there are helpful things around. Barry even warns R!Alan not to pursue the train of thought that Barry himself is from R!Alan’s imagination any further. Probably, because unlike D!Alan, R!Alan has no control over what will manifest and how.

R!Alan is the closest to AWII!Alan: he’s confused, in need of someone to lead him, and knows that somewhere something awaits him, but doesn’t really know what and why. He’s not in control as much as AWII!Alan is not in control.

R!Alan is hopeful, determined and not ready to give up.

R!Alan is quick to ditch Barry if it serves his purpose.

D!Alan and R!Alan are two halves of the one whole, but they are not the opposites in everything, only in a desire or the lack thereof to keep living. Where D!Alan gave up, R!Alan had changed his mind on this, yet he did want to as well after finishing Departure and saving Alice. They are not Good and Bad Alan, they are Rational and Irrational; the only reason I called the Irrational Alan “Dark” is because, take away some of rationality, rules, and care for the future, D!Alan is a Dark Presence, able to create genuine art and control the Dark Place. I guess the implications here are obvious.

There is not much to add, except for—I'll be damned if R!Alan wasn’t an arse for ditching Barry so quickly and easily. Actually, so much so, he, himself, was angry enough about that, he tried to kill himself.

Imaginary Barry

I’ll explain it with yet another Alan in the DLC, the third player in that story: the Imaginary Barry. He is Alan, too; well, a figment of imagination, but it’s the Dark Place, putting it into the Bright Presence’s words, he is as real as anything else there. I will refer to him as I!Barry for clarity, but keep in mind that there is absolutely nothing in his behaviour that is not stemming from Alan himself.

I!Barry is the originator of the “I’M COMPLICATED” meme. Yes, it’s an important fact; I had to put it here. He’s the one to call Alan complicated and then go as far as to call even his memories complicated.

I!Barry literally voices what Alan thinks about the surroundings before Alan does it himself.

I!Barry is the embodiment of Alan’s fear of being alone. There is no game between them, no secret; they both understand all too well that it’s not Barry, it’s a memory, a perception, a guess on how the real Barry would act in some circumstances. And they both are cool with it.

I!Barry comes off as his own man, but in truth, he does what Alan believes he would do, be it a commentary on some nasty noises or an annoying useless advice Alan doesn’t need.

I!Barry is not controlled by the D!Alan, he’s R!Alan’s creation, and he’s trying to kill him at the end of The Writer because, as the Bright Presence said, R!Alan has to abandon his delusions.

I!Barry is not the one to be offended by it; Alan is. Every dialogue line in the I!Barry’s Boss Fight is Alan’s guilt for his behaviour.

I!Barry’s Boss Fight in itself is Alan’s desire to have Barry by his side, his internal conflict for having to part ways, even if it’s not the real Barry. And it is his punishment for everything he’s done and about to do.

I!Barry is the first instance of Alan creating someone in the Dark Place who has some amount of agency, a different appearance, and a different voice that we see on screen.

There is not much to add, although I!Barry and some other entities deserve their own explanation, so I will leave it at that. I just need to establish that Alan is capable of creating semi-independent beings with their own appearances and voices that are to the point controlled by him, but not necessarily consciously or in a beneficial way.

AWAN’s Alan

My favourite Alan is, of course, the AWAN’s Alan. He’s the middle point between two madnesses, the result of a clear mind, a clear goal, and thorough planning. All the good stuff. Because I can’t help meself, I will refer to him as Awan (imagine some cute emoji here).

Awan is the most elevated Alan we ever saw on screen.

Awan is the most confident Alan we ever saw on screen.

Awan is a Master of the Dark Place even more than the D!Alan and without any side effects!

Awan can control it to the point where he kinda-sorta learnt quite a lot about the flora, fauna, population, and the ways in which the Dark Place operates, and felt safe there with only a torch and a gun.

Awan was contacting our world intentionally via radio and dreams (and managed to remember it).

Awan’s biggest achievement—he created a threshold with the Dark Place and Someplace, Arizona. Which, if the map doesn’t lie, is quite a distance from Cauldron Lake.

Awan is everything all the Alans we saw strive to achieve.

Awan is determined to change; he wants to be a better man; he acknowledged his flaws and worked on them.

Awan is still a jerk; don’t get me wrong, but he’s trying, alright.

Awan is elevated enough to create, together with Alice, an object of power to destroy Mr. Scratch.

Awan mastered the loop technique not just to follow the breadcrumbs he left for himself, but to the point where he remembers all the loops clearly and acts accordingly.

Awan even managed to make other people remember the loops to have allies.

Awan, obviously, is the most powerful time manipulator, who actually understands what he’s doing. From the Alans we saw on screen, of course.

Awan is the last Alan to be near the Bird Leg Cabin; in fact, Awan drowned it.

Awan might live on his own private island in the Dark Place with Alice.

Yeah, I guess it would be better to address the last point. Quite frankly, we don’t really know what happened between AWAN and AWII, but there is a possibility that the AWAN’s Alan, like Tom Zane, ended up in a personal paradise. For him, it would be a film setting where he met Alice at the end of the story-mode, creating a private island. I mean, not like we have a shortage of Alans for this to be impossible, and let’s not kid ourselves, the AWII Alan is a huge downgrade from the AWAN Alan; there is no explanation of why and how. Why did Awan fall into the spiral of madness and lost all of his elevation perks, why doesn’t he remember anything, where are his torch and gun at the beginning of the second game, why would he need to rob Noir-Casey to have them? It’s a wild idea (or not really), but in one of the manuscripts Alice’s Film described as their salvation, their chance to be together, a tin can with a bit of magic that Alice unknowingly created. And I’m sure, no one will doubt, Alice is capable of creating miracles.

Other than that, not much to add here; I know there is a chunk of people who didn’t play AWAN; obviously, I can’t explain the story and its significance in the first part of a theory about a completely different thing. But everyone who played it and read all the manuscripts will understand what I’m talking about. The change from AWAN's Alan to AWII Alan is too staggering, really.

Finally, we are in the AWII territory for our last Alan for this part.

Noir-Casey

He, as well as Barry in the first game’s DLCs, is a figment of imagination, and he as well is as real as anything else in the Dark Place. I will refer to him as Noir-Casey.

Noir-Casey follows his own set of rules and character traits, because even before the Dark Place, he was Alan’s creation with thought-out and established behaviour.

Noir-Casey, as well as I!Barry, is an embodiment of Alan’s fear of being alone. This time he has no allies from (kinda) without, so he creates one within and doesn’t let go even after Noir-Casey’s deaths.

Noir-Casey acts the way Alan feels he would in given circumstances, unlike with I!Barry they do play the game of Noir-Casey being his own entity, although they do it following the script.

Noir-Casey is the only character, even in the Dark Place, whose thoughts Alan can "read," not only as an inspiration-clairvoyance “match the black and white bubble” scattered around the Writer’s City, but also when Noir-Casey is right in front of Alan.

Noir-Casey, even while confined by the story, knows that he’s just a character, and he is Alan. Frankly, Noir-Casey is not really happy about that, but it is in his character to suffer silently and just keep going.

Noir-Casey knows about the loops, remembers some of them at least, but, again, true to his character and bound by the script, he acts on this knowledge only in certain moments, giving vital information in a way that won’t affect the story (Alan doesn’t react to any of those bomb-drops at all).

Noir-Casey might’ve been created as a helping hand in stopping Alan from writing; every time Alan encounters him, Noir-Casey comes uncomfortably close to killing him. Since and if that was true, things have changed: in the second alley scene, being suddenly shot in the abdomen would actually trigger Noir-Casey to fire back, but he doesn’t.

Noir-Casey in the first alley scene claims that Alan will kill him there loop by loop; what we are shown hints that Noir-Casey is killed by Scratch, the scene is eerily similar to what we can collect from the moment when Scratch gets to the real Casey. Yet Noir-Casey’s wrath is directed at Alan.

Noir-Casey obviously knows more than he lets out. He doesn’t have memory problems and understands a thing or two about the Dark Place, even if he can’t really comprehend it, being a character from the books.

Noir-Casey might be Alan’s regret for killing the PI from his novels, as it was a starting point for everything to go down in his life. Noir-Casey might be Alan’s desire to be tough and move on, ignoring the pain. Noir-Casey constant presence in Initiation can be Alan’s “I’m sorry” and newfound appreciation for the character he once despised.

Noir-Casey in many ways plays the role of the Bright Presence.

Noir-Casey is yet another time when Alan created someone with agency and a different appearance and voice.

Noir-Casey is clearly a literary device for Alan in AWII. It doesn’t really matter how exactly he was manifested: was Alan dreaming about him, reminiscing about the times when everything was sunshine and rainbows, or was he deliberately writing him into Initiation loop by loop; Noir-Casey surely is yet another Alan. Noir-Casey serves few purposes that might or might not have changed since the moment of his creation, and he does a pretty good job at it; what’s interesting is that the character knows and understands more than the writer. And this will come into play after we will talk about yet another set of Alans in the second part.

The hero has a thousand faces and a hopeless path

[liberalk1tsch]

💖 rough kiss / hot and heavy / making out for my favorite horny everlark writer

it’s the way i had to rein myself in and force myself to stop writing so as to not publish blatant porn on my blog💀 my reputation precedes me

hope this is degenerate enough for ya

from this ask game ! 💖

context: nights on the train, katniss finally getting the second kiss that she wanted in the arena, except there’s nobody to stop them (genuinely nobody this time; i will never forgive suzanne for finnick interrupting the beach scene), aka what could’ve happened if katniss’ unreliable narration wasn’t so unreliable

“Well that was —”

“— awful,” I say, flopping down on one of the myriad of plush velvet sofas in the open air train car.

Peeta takes off his suit jacket and tosses it over the back of a chair before joining me on the couch. “Yeah.” He sighs and leans back, running a hand through his hair. “You okay? You were getting a bit shaky back there.”

I hug my knees to my chest in the hope of finding some semblance of comfort. “As okay as I can be, I guess,” I say sullenly.

He opens his arms in silent invitation and I scramble to his side of the sofa, nestling into his chest. We immediately assume the position that is quickly becoming a habitual embrace for us, his hands finding their homes on my waist and around my shoulder as I huddle against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

I relax into his touch, inhaling what feels like the first full breath of air I’d taken since this morning, breathing in him. It’s strange, I think, how the person who incites the most uncertainty in my life has somehow become the only one who I truly take comfort in. It’s only ever temporary, of course, but it’s my only source of refuge on this nightmare of a trip. My only source of refuge anywhere, if I’m being totally honest with myself.

I look up at him, only to find those midnight blue eyes already staring at me. For some reason, I blush. “What?”

“I’m just . . .” he trails off, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “Really glad we have each other through everything.”

“Me too,” I say, my voice small. “I don’t know how I’d ever get through this without you.”

He smiles. “It does help,” he says, “having you here to distract me a bit.”

“You find me distracting?” I ask teasingly.

Peeta glances away bashfully. “You know how I feel about you.”

I push myself up slightly, placing my hand on the center of his chest, just over his heart. “You’re not too bad of a distraction yourself.”

“Are you saying you find me distracting?”

Now it’s my turn to look away. “Maybe,” I say, not quite able to meet his eyes. I’m suddenly very focused on tracing whorling patterns on his chest.

I can hear the smile in his voice as he says, “What about me is so distracting for you?”

I stay silent.

“I thought we were friends, Katniss. I thought we were supposed to be honest with each other from here on out,” he chides with a playful smile. “At least tell me what you’re thinking.”

I bite my lip and steel myself to meet his gaze. He’s right. I did promise to be truthful with him. But I fear the truth will only make whatever this is between us even more confusing. “I’m thinking about the fact that we’ve never kissed without being in front of a camera. And I’m wondering if it’s different, if we’re different.”

Peeta has the nerve to look surprised. Maybe a little amazed too. “Oh? And what would you do — y’know, hypothetically — if you were to act on those thoughts?” he asks.

He’s doing that thing he does. Reminding me that it’s my choice. That every single thing we do without an audience is entirely up to me, that he’ll respect my wishes no matter what he feels for me. He’ll indulge my flirtations, but won’t ever push us further than that, especially not physically. That’s all on me.

It’s so annoying.

I narrow my eyes at him, shifting myself up so that I’m fully sitting in his lap now. My legs are sprawled across the couch, my dress riding up around my thighs. Keeping one hand on his chest, I slide the other slowly up to his face as I feel his heart race. My fingers trace the sharp line of his jaw, flutter over his cheek and faded freckles. The growing flush developing there. Until I come to his lips.

I’d never really thought about it too much, but they really are lovely. Perfectly round. Unbelievably soft.

Peeta’s favorite color deriving from the sunset makes sense, I think. His eyes are the divine, dark blue of the night sky closing in. His hair the final golden rays of a sleepy sun. His lips are the precise shade of bright pink that stains the horizon and makes onlookers stop to watch in awe. He doesn’t just like sunsets, he is the sunset.

“Maybe something like this,” I say, leaning in slowly and pressing my lips gently against his. The kiss is soft, trepidatious. A question of sorts, a tentative invitation.

I pull away slightly, my lips hovering just out of reach.

“So,” he says breathlessly, “any different?”

“Incredibly,” I whisper. I hesitate a moment. “I don’t want to stop.”

“Then don’t.” He stares at me intensely under lowered lashes.

Every thought, every fear goes out of my head in an instant when I kiss him, and this time he’s ready. He tangles a hand in my hair, sliding the other to my lower back and pulling me firmly against him, causing me to make a noise of surprise against his mouth. Everything between us had always been relatively tame, nothing we wouldn’t be okay with our families — let alone the entire country — seeing. But this, this is different. This is us without a camera or anyone to witness us, and we are fervent and heated and borderline feral in our desire for each other.

That hunger I’d once felt in the cave was nothing, no more than a light pang; I didn’t realize until now how utterly starved I’ve been for his kisses. Not gentle pecks nor a delicate caress, but impassioned and insistent kisses — the kind that spark up that warm feeling in my chest that quickly pools in my core and spreads through my whole body. The way that only Peeta can make me feel.

I twist around to straddle him without ever breaking our lips apart, reveling in the taste of him and the way our lips mold together perfectly. His kisses are ravenous and demanding, his hands equally assertive as they roam my body, holding me tightly against him, ensuring there is no space between us.

I probably shouldn’t be doing this. It’ll only make our already complicated relationship more ambiguous. But I don’t care. All I can think about is the feeling of his lips, his tongue, his hands, his hips and how I want more.

[snowyslytherinowl]

Perfect Prefect - Part 2

PAIRING: George Weasley x Reader or George Weasley x OC

SUMMARY: You’re Miss Moore of Ravenclaw, a sixth-year prefect and one of the house’s best and brightest. You don’t know who to go to the Yule Ball with, but luckily for you, George has secretly had a crush on you for a while and charms you into being his date. But there’s one slight problem that’s holding you back from sharing the news of your budding romance: your best friend and Fred Weasley are far from friends.

I'm really sorry for taking so long to update this story. I'm a very busy person and honestly, I struggled to write this part. I kept getting stuck on the plotline and how things sounded. I'm not 100% satisfied with how this chapter turned out, but I hope you all enjoy and thank you so much for your patience! (P.S. I'm not making any promises on when part 3 will be out, but I will eventually publish it).

*Original GIF by @merakiaes, but I cropped it just to have George

Without a word exchanged, Sinclair drags me to a secluded corner of the corridor when class ends. She sweeps her eyes to inspect for onlookers, and her eyes follow the back of a second-year passing by. When no one else is around, she grabs my shoulder with both hands and leans in to intensely gaze into my eyes. I love her, but she creeps me out when she does this. 

“Does he treat you well?” she presses. 

Well, this isn’t exactly what I expected her to say. I thought she would try to convince me that I have many other options or tell me that George is far from the pick of the litter. I give her a funny look and reply, “Of course he does.”

She nods in approval. “Has he pulled a prank on you?”  

“Nothing major,” I answer honestly. 

Sinclair’s eyes dart over my face, looking for any sign of deceit. “What do you mean?”

“He hasn’t thrown anything at me or tied my shoelaces together, but he did replace my quill with a confetti-exploding quill. And there was another time he sent a flying note to me, but it would zoom away every time I tried to catch it.” I’ve never dashed across the grounds quite like I did in pursuit of those flying notes, racing from Ravenclaw Tower all the way to the Great Hall.

“Okay.” She nods with approval again, and follows with, “And do you like him?” At that, she quirks her brow and leans in even closer. 

I sigh at that question. “Of course I do. I wouldn’t be going to the Yule Ball with him if I didn’t,” I say, as though this is common sense. “Sinclair, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just didn’t want you to become overprotective when I told you that I was going with George.” 

Sinclair has always been protective of us and has only ever wanted us to be with guys that are, in her words, “worthy of ladies as majestic as ourselves.” When Lloyd caught her now ex-boyfriend cheating on her last year, Sinclair surreptitiously followed him around to deduct House points when he broke even the smallest of rules. In our fourth year, she jinxed a Slytherin boy’s tongue to hiss every time he attempted to speak, all because he called me a “Mudblood” one time.

Sinclair sighs and leans against the wall. “Listen, I am sorry for making you feel that way and not being clearer when we spoke last night. I’ll always love you and be proud of you, even if your date was that foul git, Fred,” she says genuinely. 

She looks away briefly and then looks back at me, opens her mouth and then closes it, and chews on her inner cheek. I know exactly what that means. 

“What do you want to say?” 

She speaks slowly, as though not to stir the waters. “As I just said, I’m happy for you. But… I just thought you would go for someone different. Someone more like… you.”

Oh, there it is. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean… he’s talkative and mischievous and careless about his academics. And you’re not shy, per se, but you’re not as overwhelming as he is,” she explains calmly. “Also, you’re diligent with your academics and prefect duties.”

“Honestly, I understand where you’re coming from. If I were someone else, I would never believe that a prefect and a prankster would like each other. But George and I have a lot more in common than you would think.” When she raises her brow, I continue, “We’re both diligent, but with different things. He works tirelessly on his joke shop products and researches charms in the library. And yeah, he’s more outgoing than I am, but he’s not as boisterous as Fred.”

“Perhaps you’re right.”  She nods her head, but I know she isn’t convinced just yet. “George really isn’t that bad. He can be, well, immature at times. They’re both immature, but Fred is heartless.” 

She waves her hand and we begin walking to the Prefects’ Bathroom. “I’ll take your word for now. But if he missteps up even once, I will set him on fire.” Sinclair says that last sentence with so much conviction that I’m afraid that she’s serious.

“Er, thank you.”

Her features soften and she smirks at me. “One thing I will admit is that I can see some of the appeal of George. He’s not too bad looking.”

I chuckle and shake my head. “Okay now. That is not the reason why I’m going to the ball with him.”

Sinclair nudges me. “Oh? What do you like about him?”

“He’s sweet and goofy. Also very easy to talk to. We’ve talked about everything, honestly. Every time we talk, he has this goofy grin on his face and gazes at me as though he can’t get enough of what I have to say,” I respond, a smile also playing on my lips. “I get excited every time I see him. I blush whenever he gets near me or compliments me. It makes me feel like I’m a silly, giddy girl. But then again, I don’t have much experience with boys, so I am a silly, giddy girl.”

“Oh no. You’re becoming just as boy-crazy as Ainsworth.” We both laugh and she follows up with, “Are you planning to share the big news with everyone today?”

“I am.” I can already picture Ainsworth splashing water around as I break the news. “By the way, we need to find you a date. It’s just you and Lloyd now.”

She shrugs. “Actually, I already have a date,” she admits nonchalantly. 

I halt in my tracks. “You do?! Who is it? Why haven’t you said anything?” I gasp. I rack my memory for all the boys she’s talked to recently, but none of them stand out as someone worthy of a majestic lady such as herself.

“Rivard.” She shrugs again as we continue walking and climb the steps from the fourth floor to the fifth floor. “Honestly, I just haven’t said anything because I’m not dying to go with him. He was just the best option out of all the guys who asked me.”

“Doesn’t he go to Beauxbatons?” When she nods, I continue, “Why him?”

“He’s ambitious. Top of his class. He has great things going for him. He’ll be interning at the French Ministry of Magic this summer,” she says in an oddly diplomatic tone. 

I sigh and look at her, trying to read her face. “Sinclair, why? Why didn’t you pick someone you actually like?”

Her expression stays neutral and she doesn’t look me in the eye. “Don’t worry about me. Let’s just focus on George, okay?” We arrive at the Prefects’ Bathroom. Before I have a chance to pull her aside, she utters “pine fresh” and we’re immediately swarmed by our friends. 

XXX

I scan the crowd of students at the front entrance and I spot George waving at me from the corner. When I get close enough, he holds his hand out for me to hold. No matter how many times we’ve held hands, I always feel tingly all over. This time, my giddiness is mixed with slight nervousness. Our Saturday Hogsmeade trip will be our first official date; that is if you don’t count our product-planning meetings or the times we’ve hung out on the Ravenclaw Tower balcony. 

Once Filch verifies that we’re authorized to visit Hogsmeade, George and I start walking to the village. I notice that he’s carrying a pouch, so I ask, “Why do you have that? Planning to go on a shopping spree?”

He secures the pouch’s string around his wrist. When I stick my head out to get a closer look at it, he tsks at me and laughs. “Hey, no peeking! It’s a surprise.”

I then try to peek from behind, but George shoves it in his front pocket. I groan. “You’re going to kill me with the anticipation.”

“Remember, patience is a virtue,” he teases, using his best authoritative prefect voice to parrot what I said to him two days ago. George pleaded with me to sneak to Hogsmeade with him for the last few days. I may be willing to get a slap on the wrist for assisting in his pranks, but I won’t risk losing my prefect badge for leaving the school grounds unauthorized. 

“Now, where first? The Shrieking Shack?”

“Absolutely not,” I say with a laugh. “I’m thinking Honeydukes. I’m in the mood for Cauldron Cakes.”

By the time we get to Honeydukes, the store is already swarming with other students. I quickly grab Cauldron Cakes, Pink Coconut Ice, and Jelly Slugs for myself and take a scoop of Chunky Chewers for George; he’s never had one and I’m not letting another day go by without him trying it. I head to the counter to pay and notice him tucking his purchased treats away, the corner of an exploding bonbons package peeking out before it disappears in the depths of his pouch. I hope he doesn’t blow anything up while we’re strolling on High Street.

I pull off a portion of a Jelly Slug and pop it into my mouth as we walk out the door. I turn to go to Zonko’s since George couldn’t take his eyes off the displays earlier. But just as I start walking there, he grabs my hand and cocks his head in the opposite direction. 

“How about we go off the Hogsmeade beaten path? There’s a place that I bet would tickle your fancy.” George has a mischievous glint in his eye and his voice sounds suspiciously enthusiastic. This is either going to be very good or very bad. 

“Where exactly is it? It’s not Hog’s Head Inn, is it?”

“Nope. That’s far too ordinary for my liking.” 

I raise a brow at him. “Don’t tell me you’ve been there before.” When he says nothing, I shake my head in disbelief. Actually, I can believe it. “But this place you’re talking about, it’s safe? Right?” 

“I hope so.” George grins at me and it’s hard not to smile back. He may be overly adventurous, but his enthusiasm is adorable. 

“Okay, I’ll go. But just remember that if I’m eaten alive, you’ll no longer have a date.”

“I have a backup plan for that. If a dragon gobbles you up, I’ll have to take Peanut instead.” We share a laugh, but then he draws circles on my hand with his thumb to reassure me. “Don’t worry. I promise that we’re not going on some wild adventure.”

George leads me off High Street and into the countryside surrounding Hogsmeade. As we get further away from the heart of the village, there are fewer cottages and more wildlife. Squirrels chase each other up trees, hares hop around, birds tweet their songs, and we even see a deer in the distance. I’m relieved that he doesn’t beckon me to climb up the mountains, but the foliage grows thicker wherever we walk. After about ten minutes of walking, I turn behind me and can’t even see the tallest building in Hogsmeade. I’m not so sure if we’re authorized to walk this distance from the village.

“Hey, George? Are we almost there?” I ask nervously. 

He seems to sense my anxiety since he wraps his arms around me and comfortingly squeezes my hand. “Just hang on for another three minutes or so, I promise.”

Maybe it was my preoccupation with thoughts of suspension, but the time flies by even faster than I thought. George stops in front of a wall of snow-covered trees and then slithers between a break in the branches, his arm sticking out to beckon me through. 

I’m met with the sound of roaring water and then the source of it: a waterfall rushing down from an imposing formation of rocks. The entire sight takes my breath away, and I have to stand there in silence to absorb its full beauty. The area radiates the essence of winter: snow-capped mountains in the distance, leafless trees cloaked in snow, and sparkling icicles dangling from the rocks. Yet the waterfall rages on, its cascading waters misting and plummeting into the vast lake below, where only the edges of the lake are partially frozen.

“George, this is amazing!” I may have been apprehensive on our walk here, but now it’s my turn to pull him closer to the waterfall. “How’d you find a place like this?”

“Fred and I were sprinting for dear life from the owner of Dervish and Banges since we accidentally let off a Dungbomb in his shop. We bolted into the countryside and even after we lost him, we figured, why not explore deeper? That’s how we found this place. But the beauty of it isn’t nearly the best part of it all.”

George points towards the side of the waterfall. There’s a hole in the rocks that’s conveniently large enough for us both to crouch down and slither through. Even though I should be more skeptical, I get down on my knees and pull myself forward. 

The waterfall and the winter wonderland may have been beautiful, but the cavernous room hidden behind the hole is stunning. Jagged blue and white crystals line the walls and the center of the room’s ceiling, as though we’re standing in a ginormous geode. Blue rock decorated with white lines surrounds the crystals on the ceiling. I wish I could take out my wand and carve a piece to take back to my dormitory.

My fascination with the crystals and marble almost makes me forget about the waterfall. Mist from the flowing water has left puddles on the smooth grey floor and has dampened the nearby crystal walls. I try to look through the waterfall, but the water is completely opaque. I stick my frozen hand into the falling water and am met with something I never could’ve expected: the water that passes through my fingers turns into tiny blue and white crystals once they touch the ground. 

I bend down and take a crystal, which feels exactly like the crystals along the wall. When I turn them over in my hand, they shine and refract on the ground. Wow, Sinclair would love these to make jewelry. 

I repeatedly dip my hand into the water, each time drawing out more crystals that I can collect for her. As I gather all of them into my palm, I become even more amazed at how shiny they are. Wait, how are they shining if there’s no light source in the cave? I look back up at the ceilings and nearby walls and don’t spot any clues. 

“George, are you seeing this? How can any of this even be possible?” I mutter, mostly to myself even though I direct the question to him. I rotate one crystal around to search for the angle where it catches the light and then look in the direction where the shine is coming from. No, no light there. 

And then I realize that there’s been no response from George.

“George?” I call out louder. Maybe he didn’t hear me the first time. Silence. My voice rises with a touch of fear, “George?”

My eyes frantically dart around the room until I hear a voice from the entrance hole. “Hey, can you lend a hand?” George asks, nervously chuckling. 

I spin around and spot George’s head and torso protruding from the entrance hole. As our gazes meet, his lips curl into a lop-sided bashful smile and his cheeks flush red. “I’m a bit stuck,” he admits sheepishly.

I immediately rush over to pull him out of the hole and help him onto his feet. “George! Why didn’t you say something sooner!?” I ask, incredulously. Honestly, I feel more ashamed of myself for not noticing his absence sooner than surprised by his silence. 

Even after George stands stably on his feet, dirt patted off his jeans, his hands still grasp mine. He pulls me closer to him, one hand on my waist and the other brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. “You were so caught up with that cave, I didn’t want to interrupt you. You have this twinkle in your eye whenever you’re in the zone. I think you look gorgeous whenever you’re hyperfocused like that.” 

“Oh, I…” My cheeks, already flushed from embarrassment at forgetting about him, become a deeper shade of red. No boy has said something so sweet or genuine to me before, and I don’t know how to respond. Especially not when he looks down at me with such a sweet grin and speaks to me with undeniable sincerity in his tone. I settle for the simplest response, a quiet “thank you.” 

George seems pleased at himself for turning me into a speechless mess, his smile growing wider. “You’ve uncovered every secret of this waterfall, except one.” 

He lets go of my hands and takes a step back. “Check this out!” He flashes me a cheeky wink and then jumps in the air. Rather than immediately landing on his feet, he’s suspended a foot or two above the ground. He stays there for several seconds until he slowly drifts down like a feather would. Looks like I’ll be adding another mystery to my research list. 

I rake my eyes over the walls for any special attribute, but it doesn’t seem like anything here would make the place lose gravity. Neither does the energy from the walls feel any different here. This place seems to be nothing more than an unassuming cave. Well, as long as you ignore how it looks like a giant geode. “I really don’t understand how to explain any of this…”

“I think it’s magic,” George says as he winks.

“Of course it is, silly. But I’m just confused. I’ve never been in a place like this before.” 

“When I was little, my mum and dad took us to this magical forest full of colorful, curious-looking birds. Funniest part was that they couldn’t fly; they could only hop. It was brilliant. They hopped about just like this.” The sight of George bouncing around in slow-motion, wildly batting his arms to pretend like he’s a bird, sends me into a fit of laughter. I can’t resist his antics. 

He motions me toward him. “You should give it a go!”

“You want me to hop around like those birds?”  

“I meant that you should be floating around too!” 

I jump up and as expected, I float in the air. Panic briefly washes over me since nothing visible is keeping me stable. But when I don’t abruptly fall flat on my face, I relax and allow myself to gracefully float to the ground. 

George closely observes my movements, timing his jumps to match mine. We end up in a silent game where I try to outsmart him by making him jump before I do, but George is hard to trick.

“Ha! I got you!” he exclaims, even though he clearly jumped after I did.

“Hey! Don’t lie!” 

Even as I drift groundwards before he does, he puffs his chest and smirks at me. “Don’t even try to deny that I’m the winner here.”

“I am not easily fooled, Mr. Weasley.” I muster the strictest prefect voice I possibly can, though a hint of playfulness still slips through.

I suppress a smile as he gives me puppy-dog eyes and sticks his hands in his pockets like a guilty schoolboy. “Forgive me, Ms. Moore.” A smile threatens to grace his lips as he adds, “Has anyone ever told you that you’re absolutely gorgeous?” 

I let out an exaggerated huff. “George!”

“Maybe this’ll cheer you up.” He pulls out the pouch from his pocket, which I’ve completely forgotten about considering all the events of this outing. 

He sits down near the falling water and pats the ground beside him. “I packed us snacks.”

My eyes widen as he lays everything out on the floor before us, the pile seeming like it will never end. Fizzing Whizzbees, Pumpkin Pasties, Liquorice Wands, chocolate éclairs, sandwiches, and beef pasties.

“These are not snacks. This is a feast!” George must’ve really charmed the house elves into giving him extra treats. 

“Ah! I found it!” He sticks his hand into a crevice of the pouch and pulls out two more things. One candy from Honeydukes I don’t recognize, and the bets part: a wrapped chocolate trifle and a spoon. 

“George… How’d you know this is my favorite?” I look at the wrapping, which is a little messy, but clearly done with care and effort. I glance back up at him and catch a huge grin on his face, elated to see me happy.

“It was quite easy to put together, actually. It’s always the first dessert you go for at lunch and dinner.”

My heart flutters at how attentive and thoughtful he is, even when our House tables are far apart. Honestly, I’m touched. “Thank you, George.”

He then drops the Honeydukes candy I don’t recognize into my lap. “These are Singing Sours. I can’t believe you’ve never heard of it until yesterday.”

Based on what he told me after dinner last night, this box contains both predictabilities and surprises. He claims the main surprise will come when I try to eat them, but whether that means when I pour them out of the box or bring them to my mouth, I don’t know. 

As expected, the sunflower-shaped candies sing a simple “la la la” as I pour a few onto my palm. The soft yellow petals ring around brown seeds, an inviting smile in the center. 

“You didn’t tell me how cute they are!” I tickle their leaves, eliciting high-pitched laughter from the Singing Sours. 

“Are they too cute to eat?”

“Hm, I don’t know.” When I was on the train going to Hogwarts for my first year, Ainsworth bought a bag of Fizzling Farm. She showed me the adorable pig- and cow-shaped candies before placing them on her tongue, where they fizzled and dissolved before my eyes. I was horrified. 

“Well, I don’t believe any candy is too cute to spare.” As he brings a Singing Sour to his open mouth, the unlucky candy shrieks, somehow still sounding melodious. He laughs at it and munches on it nonetheless. Turns out all Gryffindors are merciless. 

“Is that the big surprise you were telling me about last night?!” When he nods, I continue, appalled, “That’s horrendous!”

“I think it’s bloody hilarious!” His voice comes out as though he’s singing, and now I have to join in on his laughter. 

“All right. I’ll have one.” I pop the candy into my mouth and wince when it screams bloody murder. But when the simultaneously sour and sweet flavor bursts in my mouth, I relax my face. 

“Actually, you’re not wrong. This is delicious,” I admit. 

We eat some more Singing Sours, whose screams I do my best to ignore before, I remember the items I bought from Honeydukes earlier. 

“I almost forgot that I brought some stuff, too.” I add the Cauldron Cakes, Pink Coconut Ice, and Jelly Slugs to the pile, as though we don’t already have enough sugar. I hand the Chunky Chewers to him. “I just ate screaming candy because of you, so you have to try this.”

He reads the candy name and gives me a look that tells me that I should know better. “Yuck! I am not eating that!” 

“But you’ve never had it before! How do you know you won’t like it?”

“Fred told me it tastes just like squid!” 

“I think it tastes more chewy than rubbery! I promise you’ll like it!”

I hold a Chunky Chewer to his mouth, which as the name implies, is larger than most candies. However, like a picky baby refusing food, George turns his head. “Please? Just one. I promise it won’t make you barf.”

He hesitates but finally gives in. “Alright, but ONLY because I like you so much.” 

He wrinkles his nose as he squishes the candy, which quickly bounces into its original form. George brings it to his lips, opens his mouth, sticks his tongue out, places it on his tongue…

“George! Just eat it!” I lightly smack his chest. His free hand flies to his chest and he clutches his chest as if he’s suffering from immense pain. 

“Ouch!” He keels on his side and dramatically rubs his chest. “I’m in too much pain to possibly eat this!”

“Here, let me help you!” I fish out another Chunky Chewer from the box and sneak it into his mouth as his mouth hangs open from an exaggerated groan. 

His eyes widen with genuine surprise and he grimaces. “You’re getting just as sneaky as me,” he grumbles. George throws the candy around in his mouth before giving in and chewing on it. 

His expression goes from a scrunched nose to a raised brow to a subtle smile. “Honestly…. this isn’t bad. This tastes loads better than the owl dung Fred dared me to eat when we were kids.” At this point, I’m surprised George is still alive. 

We dig into the other sweets and snacks, and George sneaks more Chunky Chewers when he thinks I’m not looking. He even eyes my chocolate trifle, so of course, I give him a spoonful. 

I almost forget about the Liquorice Wands since they’re hidden behind the wrapped sandwiches. I carefully pull the wrapping apart to prevent any from flying out, but George has other ideas. He tosses the box, the Liquorice Wands flying out of the package and floating in the air. 

“What are you doing?” I ask him, confused yet amused. 

“What’s the point of eating if we can’t play with your food a little?” George muses, his tone mischievous. He stands and stretches his body to reach the lowest-floating candy wands, raising his arms as high as he possibly can; yet, the candies evade his grasp. 

“Eh, you want to be tricky, don’t you?” he chastises at the wands. George leaps into the air and swipes a handful of Liquorice Wands. 

He shoves the Liquorice Wands back into the box and grasps the opening with both his hands, exerting as much of his strength as he can onto it. He even wriggles around, wrangling the wands as though they’re fighting against him. 

He turns to me. “What are you doing still sitting there? You have to help me corral these rogue wands!”

Never have I imagined that I would have to jump for my food, but here I am. Even as I stretch my arms more than I’ve ever stretched them before, the wands floating closest to me are completely out of reach. 

“Allow me to me assist you, my lady,” George offers. He bows at me, resembling a gentleman aiding a damsel in distress. He flashes me a grin before he bends his knees and flips backward, which sends him floating in the air. With his leg, George is able to push three Liquorice Wands my way. 

I crack up from how ridiculous he looks floating on his back and how he ungracefully lands on his bottom after drifting back down. “Are you alright?”

“I am, but only because my arse can withstand a fall,” he says with a laugh. 

I hold him back when he tries to go after more wands. “I may not be as inventive as you with doing a backflip, but let me try to figure out how to bring more of them down.” 

Oddly enough, the wands have barely budged since they were first thrown into the air. One of them just barely touches the tip of my pointer finger, but when I try to grab it, it floats up higher. Even Liquorice Wands choose the wizard.

When I pull out my wand, George shouts from below, “Hey! That’s cheating!”

“Fine. I’ll put it away.” I move to put my wand back in my pocket, but then several Liquorice Wands in the path of my wand floating down. 

I ignore George and wave my wand above me, not uttering any incantation or performing any silent spell. Somehow, the Liquorice Wands are attracted to my wand and naturally make their way toward it. 

I collect every wand and place them into the box that George hands me. “What spell did you cheat your way with?” He wags his pointer finger in disapproval. 

“I didn’t cheat at all. The Liquorice Wands are attracted to my wand.”

“Uh huh. You’re saying that these candies wanted to buddy up with your wand, but not with my wand?” He puts on his best professor voice to chide me. For a member of the most chaotic prankster duo, he’s certainly enjoying enforcing his created rules. 

“Well, it’s not my fault they have taste,” I say smugly. 

George bursts out laughing. “I’d be offended, but you’re too clever.”

We go back to munching on the treats, or at least I go back to eating all the food. I eat a little of each to treasure every candy and food he brought for me. My heart feels warm knowing how much effort and attention he put into this. 

George, on the other hand, continues to play with the food and sets himself on experimenting how fast each type of candy falls to the ground. He throws Chunky Chewers in the air one at a time, and opens his mouth wide, waiting for them to slowly float back down and fall into his mouth. 

Sinclair may not exactly like George, but in moments like these, how can I not like George? I like him when he turns something ordinary into something fun, not caring if what he does is seen as embarrassing. I like him when he laughs and a loose strand of hair falls on his forehead. I like him when he comforts me with a simple joke or prank. It’s impossible for me not to be drawn to George when I’m with someone as endearing as him. 

I don’t even realize that I’m staring at him, rather than the Chunky Chewers, until he turns to me with a raised brow. 

“I am more enjoyable than the candy, aren’t I?” He puffs his chest and wiggles his brows like the sucker for attention that he is. His eyes crinkle and his lips are pulled upward in a cheeky grin. And as I stare at his lips, my mind suddenly jumps to kissing him. 

He scoots closer to me, closing the gap between us, as I stare at him, not saying anything. His proximity certainly isn’t helping to erase my impulsive thoughts. “What? Are you enjoying the view?”

My cheeks flush and my lips grow to match his own grin. My heart begins to beat a mile a minute, nervous that he read my mind. “Of course I am.”

He takes my hand in his and gives it a gentle squeeze. His grin widens even more and he looks at me, ignoring the candy game he started. Whether or not he knows I want to kiss him, I don’t know; but I push myself to just go for it. 

Butterflies fill my stomach as I scoot impossibly closer to George, lean forward, and gently kiss his lips. George freezes out of surprise, but I can feel his lips pull into a satisfied smile. He doesn’t hesitate any longer; he cups my cheeks to bring me closer to him and deepen the kiss. His lips are soft and warm, blanketing me from the cold of winter. 

Even with George’s positive response to my kiss, my heart doesn’t stop beating and the butterflies don’t go away. My mind won’t stop racing about how great his lips taste and feel against mine, how warmth radiates from him as he wraps his arms around me, and how this is our first kiss. My very first kiss. 

Something suddenly plops on my shoulder, the surprise making me pull away from the kiss. George’s eyes reflect his own confusion, but then they light up. He brushes my hair back to grab whatever fell. He holds his hand out and lo and behold, it’s the Chunky Chewer. 

George pops the candy into his mouth and says, mid-chew, “Bloody hell, you made me forget about the candy!”

[nekohime19]

Heart behind the lie # 57 : The King's fear

Okay so we caught up with all the chapters already published on AO3 🎉🎉. That means from now the chapters published on Tumblr will have the same rate as the one published on AO3, which is once a week (don't have a particular precise day). It happens that I can't publish one week but that just means you'll get two chapters next week.

So see you next week for next chap 😉

The whole team was huddled inside the lounging room, all pressed together around the mahogany table holding the three scrolls. The messenger birds took flight the moment they were free of their duties. Leaving in the endless azure expanse. Wukong lifted one hand and took the gaudiest scrolls, the one carefully etched with various embroideries. He untied the golden ribbon and unraveled the scroll, skimming over the neatly written words. He raised an eyebrow at the occasional taunts his self-proclaimed sworn-brother scattered around the lines. Truly, Cheng never missed an opportunity to piss him off. Yet he couldn't help but let his lips slightly curl upward, for some reason the gibes humored him, it reminded him of younger days when he would blithely banter with the members of the brotherhood. 

Wukong shook off his thoughts and put the scroll down. He glanced at the ones holding the other scrolls and noticed they also finished their readings. Mei looked quite pleased with what she read on her great-grandfather's scroll. Her face was brightened with something akin to hope. As to Red Son, his face was genuinely harder to read, but by the slim upward curl of his lips, he seemed quite content too.

Mei was the first one to speak, she seemed as if she couldn't hold in the information she was just given. 

“So my great uncy listed some craftsman he worked with but he said if you want someone nearing Laozi's level you gotta go see the Jeweler.” Wukong perked up at this particular title, precisely because this cryptic character was also mentioned by Cheng.

“The bird-brain also mentions this Jeweler.” Hummed Wukong. “After raving about the lantern's pieces sensitivity he said that only a nimble craftsmen of the highest skills could handle them, and not a lot of people had those skills. He listed some known craftsmen but said that their prices would be very heavy, and the Jeweler was one of the only skilled craftsmen that gave quick , efficient work and affordable prices for their services.”

“My parents also bring up this person. They said that even though they never worked with them, Ou Xue, the blacksmith they often commission, know them quite personally. According to Ou Xue the Jeweler is a being capable of naturally crossing the layers between the mortal realm and the Diyu, as such they can freely travel between them without any restrictions. With their ability, the Jeweler learned a lot of techniques from the dead themselves, making them a skilled craftsman.”

Tang looked up at this tidbit of information, he put one hand over his chin, eyes glazed over by swirling thoughts. “Didn't we already come across someone with the same ability?” His input made the whole team look over. Wukong frowned, trying to jag up his rusty memory. Perhaps because of his old age, he was quicker to forget things he didn't concern himself with. 

“Did we?” Mumbled MK, he rubbed his temples in hope of suddenly remembering what the scholar was referring to, in vain, of course. 

“When King Yama was disclosing the origins of the rebels, he said the one who brought the lantern piece in the Diyu was someone able to naturally cross the layers between the mortal realm and the Diyu without having to use magic, someone who is not written in the Book of Life and Death.” Defogged Tang. Wukong's eyes shone with remembrance, he opened his mouth, the name on the edge of his lips-

“The Red-Buttocked Horse-Monkey, he gave her the nickname Mahou.” Cut Macaque. They all remembered at the name's mention. 

“You think this Jeweler person is Mahou?” Hummed Pigsy, it wasn't that far-fetched to think this, after all the natural ability both the Jeweler and Mahou possessed wasn't that common. 

“Are we going to meet another celestial monkey!?” Chimed MK, excitement overflowing his gaze. Tang straightened up at the mere idea, looking every bit like a hound in search of wisdom. Wukong sweatdropped at the scene. He remembered when the scholar hounded him with a barrel of questions and he silently prayed for Mahou, apologizing in advance. 

“No matter if they are the same person, do we all agree to go seek this Jeweler?” Chimed Red Son, his intervention refocused them on the urgent matter they were faced with. Right. No matter who the Jeweler was as long as they were able to help. They all agreed easily. 

MK put the compass on the table, even if they weren't certain of the Jeweler's identity, as long as they had a vague idea in mind, the compass would point the way. Nonetheless, Red Son did remind them that, due to the limited information they had concerning the Jeweler's nature and physical appearances, the compass capacities would be hindered and not as precise as before. 

After they decided on what to do, Sandy stood up to heat up the engines. Wukong trailed him with his gaze. Perhaps, he should bring up the feral state matter now more than ever. The great sage didn't believe that he could sort out his every issues with one measle session but he also didn't want to embark in a brand new adventure without doing anything about the feral state. Considering their track record, it was more than likely that they would encounter some sort of problems while searching for the Jeweler, and Wukong didn't want to relapse in the feral state because of a sudden spike of stress. Yet Wukong also couldn't help but hesitate. He already asked so much of Sandy, of his time, of his understanding, would he bother him if he added the feral state on top of the growing pile of issues he was working with him? 

He was tugged out of his thoughts by a light tap on his shoulder. Wukong looked up and crossed eyes with Macaque. The black-furred monkey smiled at him, something soft meant to be encouraging, before strutting away to the showers, eager to wash off the grim of his early training. Wukong felt better. The mere idea of having someone backing him up was enough to push him forward. The great sage thus followed in Sandy's wake, Sock trailed after him the second he left the lounging room. 

Wukong didn't often come into the control room, he didn't know how to steer the ship after all so there was no point in him stepping foot in here. It was quite spacious. An encompassing window was at the front, clearing the view for the one steering the ship. Sandy was leaning over the control panel, heating the engines with a flick of finger. The ship purred at each of his gestures. Mo was sitting on one corner of the panel, lounging lazily with one paw swinging in the void, he looked every bit like a spoiled pet. Sandy perked up when he heard the door creaking open, he turned towards the sound and smiled at the sight of Wukong. 

“Hey.” Wukong awkwardly rubbed his neck and approached the tea-lover. Sock jumped on the panel and pawed at Mo, the blue-furred cat huffed but let her do as she pleased. Once she was content, Sock lay down next to him and tidied herself, licking her snow-white paws clean. Wukong smiled at the sight. 

“Something’s the matter, Mister King?” Sandy tilted his head in inquiry, wondering what the great sage wanted. 

“Yeah, huh… I was wondering if we could do some sort of solo session for the feral state? If it doesn't bother you.” Explain Wukong with a sigh on his lips. Sandy considered the matter for a short second before returning to the panel.

“Yeah, of course. Let me just put the ship on auto-pilot.” Hummed the gentle giant. Wukong nodded, he peeked over Sandy's bulky shoulder to see how he was controlling the ship. The tea-lover was carefully watching the compass (which was put on the panel) and entered the coordinates in the ship's computer. The ship immediately whirred to life, it shook and creaked, the metal humming with power. Sandy pushed the lever placed on top of the panel, at once the ship purred, the fire roared, and the beast left the soil. 

Once the ship flight was stabilized, Sandy hummed in satisfaction and patted himself on the shoulder in a small form of congratulation. Wukong smiled at the gesture. Then, the tea-lover turned towards the great sage and inquired :

“Do you want to do this in your room, Mister King?”

“Yeah.” It was the place he felt the safest, and thus the most convenable place for this type of confrontation. Sandy nodded, then they both left the control room side by side. Both cats followed their tracks.

Wukong sat on his bed, the mattress dipping a bit under his weight, welcoming him like a long-time friend. Sock jumped on his lap and made herself comfortable, her warmth was so familiar at this point Wukong didn't even know how he managed to spend a single day without burying his hand in fluffy russet-fur before. Sandy took a portable gourd out of his pocket (it was of medium size with drawings of cats scattered all over it). He uncapped the lid, which turned out to be a cup, and served the sage a cup of tea. It wasn't his favorite purple tea but it was delightful nonetheless. Wukong took a sip, loosening the bitter feeling taking hold of his throat. No matter how many times he did it, breaching a new topic in therapy always demanded an egregious effort. 

Sandy let him brew in silence, as always waiting for him to find his mark. Once he finishes his cup, Wukong sighed before jumping right at the heart of the matter. 

“To be honest, I know this sole session is not going to solve everything and it'll probably take a lot of time before I'm fully healed but… I really want to take care of this feral state, I don't want Macaque to worry.”

“And so you believe sessions are in order to help you heal?” Kindly hummed Sandy. 

“Yes. The feral state is not a physical issue…” It was a bit embarrassing to admit it, even if by now it was obvious to everyone and anyone. A wound gained in battle, no matter how ugly, was a proof of braveness, a proof of surviving. But a wound on the mind… wasn't it an admission of weakness? Somehow, the feral state felt different than his other issues, perhaps because this particular wound triggered a physical reaction, proof that he was scarred deeper than he was willing to believe. 

“Do you have any idea what might trigger the feral state?” Asked Sandy. Wukong played with some of Sock's strands, twirling them around his finger. He did have an idea… 

“Stress. Pressure…” He dug deeper in his memories, trying to see what exactly made him relapse in the Diyu. All at once flashes of images appeared in his mind. Macaque being threatened. Macaque being attacked. The not-mayor coldness. Her shadow behind the puppet's body. Without even thinking he blurted out : “her.”

Sandy raised an eyebrow, he waited a few seconds for him to distance himself from the disturbing images appearing in his head before inquiring : “Who do you mean by ‘her’”

Wukong tightened his hold over Sock, as if he was grabbing a rock in the middle of a stormy sea. The lil lady turned his way, she leaned over one of his hands and began to conscientiously lick it. The great sage hummed, relaxed by the grooming. “The Lady Bone Demon.” Answered Wukong. 

“You thought of her?”

“I guess the not-mayor reminded me of her.” Sighed Wukong, he didn't like to talk about LBD. Even if he wasn't tormented by her image anymore (thanks to Macaque and Sock's presences) he still felt agitated at her mere mention. 

“Both times you fell in the feral state the Lady Bone Demon was involved, do you think it might be linked?”

“Yeah… The first time I just… I was just broken out of the possession and I..” Wukong bit his lips, he averted his eyes, not wanting to look Sandy upfront. “I was afraid.” He admitted in a quiet voice. “The second time, I saw Macaque being threatened by her puppet and I… I was afraid of losing him.” Sandy nodded at his explanations, he then softly added :

“It seems as if your fear is the main trigger of the feral state….especially-”

“My fear of her.” Cut Wukong with a solemn face. In truth, it's not as if he didn't think of it, but the idea of being controlled by his own fear wasn't something he liked to consider, as such he always pushed the subject away, sealing it deep within him. 

“Can you discern when this fear of the Lady Bone Demon began?”

Wukong opened his mouth, ready to say that it began when he was possessed, but the deeper he thought about it, the more he realized it wasn't very true. “... If I have to be honest… probably on the journey.” He stopped talking for a few seconds, each word passing his lips were as heavy as iron. “She was the first enemy that I couldn't beat with my bare fists. I… I had a lot of pride back then and I didn't lose a lot. Even when I lost against the Jade Emperor, I gave him some damages… but her…” The great sage closed his eyes, he could feel a ghostly chill climb up his spine. “She… she wasn't something I could punch, she just lied and lied and lied and they all believed her and I felt so… helpless.”

“How did you vanquish her at the time?” Wukong snorted in depreciation at the question. 

“I wasn't even the one to defeat her, Master sealed her.” Scoffed Wukong, this stain always followed him, it felt like he never truly won even centuries after. Even if she was imprisoned. He felt like he was the one who lost that day. 

“Do you think the possession could have reinforced that fear?” Carefully asked the gentle giant. Wukong flinched. The mere mention of the possession made him tense. It has been one of the worst experiences he lived through. Yet he didn't want to flee from its memory. Not anymore. 

“The possession was…” He searched for words, a way to explain what he felt at this moment. “I have many wounds. I went through many battles, I even cut my own head once but this…it… s-she took my body. She stole it from me… I… I felt helpless. Like I couldn't do anything. Like I was weak…” He pursed his lips and gripped Sock tighter, he felt like he was at the edge of a cliff, one wrong push and he would be engulfed by his own memories. 

“Did you want to hide?”

“Yeah… I…” It was bitter. He was a fighter. He loved battles. He loved the thrill of the fights, the blood, the sparks, the adrenaline. He never ran because he loved to challenge himself, he loved to test his strength. He never ran. But against her… “I hated it. I hated the fight. I never hated a fight so much before. I just wanted to run away.”

“So the feral state could be the consequences of this desire to run away?”

“It's likely.” Sighed Wukong. “Ah, what a joke, the Monkey King running away from a fight.”

“You know, Mister King. You being a legendary hero doesn't mean you're not allowed to run away sometimes.” Wukong's eyebrows twitched at that. “You seem to hold yourself to very harsh standards because of your status as a hero. But I want you to know that it's okay to be afraid. You don't have to bear everything alone. Me, MK, Mister Maquawke, we can share your burdens. If you feel… helpless, it's okay to hide behind us.”

Wukong felt his throat tighten. It felt daunting to be told this. That he could depend on others. Yet it felt good. “Thanks big guy… I don't really know how to deal with this fear of mine though…”

“I personally believe that your feral state is very close to a more intense form of PTSD, and there are some exercises possible to help with these kinds of situations.”

“Really?” Asked Wukong, a bit hopeful at the idea of doing something that could ease this fear of his. 

“You're already familiar with one of them, meditation.” Smiled Sandy. “Maybe we can begin with this one. And… if anything, remember that you can stop the exercise at any point and that I am here to assist you.”

Wukong nodded, it's been a while since he truly meditated. Last time he did it, it was less to clean his mind and more to tune in with his magic. The great sage wanted to do it right. He conjured incense sticks with a piece of hair and lit them with a flick of wrist. The comforting smell of sandalwood drifted in the room, the smoke dancing above the sticks like the ribbons of dancers. Wukong removed Sock from his lap and arranged himself in the lotus position. He closed his eyes and slowed his breath, focusing on his inner self. 

He knew he wouldn't be able to clear his fear with just one meditation session, but it was a step in the right direction. 

As Sandy often repeated, they didn't need to go fast, and every little step mattered. 

Ch1 / Previous / Next

[dollypopup]

penelope, intentions, privacy, and the infantalization of innocence

or: a call to see Penelope as the complicated character she actually is

there has been, for some good time now, a sense in the general fandom space that hinges on Penelope being a perfect angel who did everything she did out of altruism, or a feeling of separating or minimizing her actions through Whistledown, divorcing her from her decisions (in the classic 'she had no choice' or 'no one listened to her as Pen' fabrications). and i am here to, once again, beg for a nuanced look at her, and in particular those who cared for her whom she hurt deeply

let's dig in

Lady Whistledown is Penelope's coping mechanism, and it is clear from the first article she wrote. Penelope is posturing, putting on a front. This first article is the root of her intentions, the core of what she hopes for, and the mold for which she wishes to be. Just read some of these lines

I know people better than they know themselves. I can see what is happening behind closed doors better than those behind them.

This is an act, a falsity. Penelope *doesn't* know more about people than they know about themselves. How could she? She is largely ignored by the general populace. She wrote this article before she was even out in society. She had little access to balls or information, her sisters debuted with her, and her mother and father weren't particularly popular members of the community. What Penelope knew of others, she knew from external observations.

This is where the falsification first begins: she can't possibly see what is happening behind closed doors, but she wants to. Penelope is an outsider wanting to look in, wanting to look in so deeply that she understands and knows others in intimate ways without putting in the hard work of gaining their trust. LW being published before Penelope is out in the general society is proof of Penelope's powerlessness in the general scheme of Mayfair: and she has a right to feel that way. She is not particularly cared for in her own family, nor is she listened to by them. She is angry. Her friendship with Eloise is one in which two girls who are both frustrated with their circumstances come to meet.

The fact that such a thing could be printed with, essentially, her allowance, is also proof that she is disregarded as she is. No one notices when she is gone, she is, by and large, invisible. As such, she doubles down on the power fantasy of Lady Whistledown.

Do not try to close your doors tighter to protect your privacy as I may already be inside. And thus I will slowly get inside each and everyone's head.

I don't know about you, but reading that is chilling. Though of course I am taking it with the modern perspective of living in an age where privacy continues to be stripped, there's something particularly cruel about insisting that you are inescapable. It's written in a way that is intended as a threat, followed by

No need to panic, I will be fair, gentle reader

and this is where Penelope's intentions come in. Do I believe she genuinely and truly wanted to be fair? Yes. Do I believe Penelope has a well developed sense of what fairness entails? ABSOLUTELY NOT. And she's not SUPPOSED to. Because Penelope also perpetuates her own invisibility, even in the midst of her pride in writing Whistledown. Penelope punches down repeatedly, but she does not think she is doing so. For Penelope the person, she is 'exposing the truth' in a general sense of hard hitting journalism, but Lady Whistledown, her persona, cultivated a power others don't have. When she wrote of the unnamed Modiste unfavorably, she ran her out of business: because LW has the power and privilege of being heard, the power and privilege to ruin lives and reputations, to sequester people to bad opinions and derision.

And one of the first people she does this to is her mum and her family, including herself. In the very first LW article, she mentions only the Featheringtons and the Bridgertons, along with one other lady, Miss Boltenston, who Penelope writes would be best for a suitor who prefers bedtime conversation as opposed to other activities.

Three misses. Foisted upon the marriage market like sorrowful sows by their tasteless, tactless dear mama-- the luckless souls.

Then, when discussing the Bridgertons, the only people who have been seen as being genuinely nice to her, she writes that they're perfect, full of refinement, "four perfectly handsome sons and four perfectly beautiful daughters. Yes. Perfect, indeed"

but this isn't meant to be a compliment. In particular when we go back and listen to Eloise's hunt for LW and her conversation with Penelope at her door.

"Whistledown is someone free and unencumbered by society, she is a single woman of means, better yet she is a widow who would be invited to all the events but not paid any attention, so while you are at the ball-"

"Eloise I do not care! People have real problems, mature problems, problems that have nothing to do with the secret identity of some silly writer. " "And you are so mature now?" "I am of age, I am out in society, therefor I have more important mature things to worry about." "Like what?" "Like marriage." "You do not care about marriage." "What if I do!? I do not expect you to understand. Not everyone can be a pretty Bridgerton."

There's a resentment that Penelope has for the Bridgertons. She loves them, absolutely, but we can't sit here and deny that Penelope isn't jealous and doesn't discuss it or dig deeper into those feelings to unwrap or unlearn them. There are reasons for it, of course, but this is a facet of her character that often gets overlooked. And it keeps her from opening up. To Colin and to Eloise.

I exhaust of the perfect Miss Penelope Featherington, always the victim of other people's harms, always doing everything she does because she's such a #good person. It leaves the door shut to her growth. Penelope has good INTENTIONS with bad outcomes. She hopes that she will, herself, not be corrupted by the power she so criticizes others for misusing, but she falls into the same pitfalls and that is compelling as hell to explore.

My intention is not to shed any blood but to shed some light on the true events in our society. My words, though might be hurtful, are not meant to be mean. They are meant to be fair . .be prepared to hear the truth about yourself and your kin.

I'm glad she acknowledged that her words would be hurtful, though she hides behind what she intends as opposed to the outcome. Because she absolutely did shed blood, she genuinely could have killed Marina with what she published. And after she does so, she comes back from it still owning that bloodshed, for she writes things such as 'sharpening my knives for you' and hailing her pen as a weapon. There's no indication she wrote to her cousin or offered any support or condolences. She has to ask Colin how Marina is doing, as though she does not know on her own.

Penelope wants to be a good person who does good things. But goodness is not black and white and Penelope falls deeper and deeper into her LW persona internally whilst pretending she is unchanged on the exterior.

There's a line in the book, when she says 'Maybe I grew up' and that's what I need from her in S3. This is, largely, a very long essay more so in response to a fandom version of Penelope than the real Penelope, because the show does show her actions as being wrong. Penelope cries and agonizes over her choices because she knows they aren't good, but she does them anyway because her idea of what should happen matters more than other people's agency in their decisions.

People talk about how Eloise was a bad friend to Penelope, how she didn't listen to her, but in reality, Penelope did not actually talk to her, save to tell her she has different life goals than Eloise does. So many moments in which Penelope could confide in her that she does not take.

In particularly, I think about after Penelope's father passes, and Eloise visits her. This comes at the heels of Penelope exposing Marina's pregnancy to the ton and publicly destroying Colin's engagement to her, as well as Eloise saving her from being caught by the Queen.

"The ones we love have the power to inflict the greatest scars. For what thing is more fragile than the human heart?"

And then Eloise comforting her. Telling her

"I am here, Pen, to help you to find a reason every day to enjoy in the absence of your dear Papa. I know you shall miss him."

to which Penelope replies with

"Share something good. What happened with Whistledown? Did you save Mdm. Delecroix?"

No discussion of how she actually feels, only a deflection, even as Eloise assures her she has a friend. But Penelope already knows what Eloise will tell her with this response, and also knows that she has the wrong idea of who Whistledown is, but she would rather have a conversation she knows the outcome to than spill open to her closest friend. That's lonely as hell. Penelope forces herself to be apart, as well. It's a behavior she needs to unlearn.

Penelope keeps her own secrets but cannot allow others to do so. She spirals in what she perceives to be her own powerlessness whilst her actions have the most impact, good and bad, upon near everyone in her vicinity.

Eloise tells her: "You are my friend, and I do not wish for secrets to set us apart" and though Penelope agrees, she does not confide in her. Even when it comes to Eloise's relationship to Theo and her burgeoning romantic feelings for him, something she confesses to Penelope, asking if she can relate, Penelope does not offer the same vulnerability. Instead, she insists that people already know about her relationship with Theo, and Eloise trusts her, though it's untrue. No one else was talking about Eloise and Theo, and yes, Penelope writing about her as LW was wrong and awful, but a more intimate pain she inflicted was that Penelope was encouraging Eloise away from him and away from her own feelings.

Eloise even tells Theo: "People are already talking about us" when they almost kiss as a reason for them to stop seeing each other. But no one is. This is a lie Penelope tells Eloise.

and this takes me to the final act of it all: People DO listen to Penelope. The people who MATTER listen to her and encourage her. There are constant discussions of how Eloise does not listen or how Colin didn't listen, but looking back at those conversations and interactions: Eloise and Colin listen to Penelope very closely, in fact.

Eloise repeats things Penelope says to her, trusts what she says. Yes, she is often talking to Penelope and 'using her as a sounding board' because that is what friends do. Balance comes when both parties do so. Penelope does not do the same back. She does not discuss, she does not say what she means, what she feels, what she believes.

And she does the same to Colin. Colin who wrote her letters for months. Colin who recognizes her intentions. Colin who talks to her about his hopes and plans, an action she does not reciprocate up until S2 when they talk after the botched wedding. Even when Colin asks how she's been after they meet for the first time that season, she lies and says it's all fine. This comes from an assumption from her that he doesn't care about her because he doesn't love her romantically, but Colin obviously cares a lot for Pen. Even in S1 he cares about her deeply and earnestly. I don't understand the narrative of him not listening to her, because I think he listens to and hears her more than almost anyone else does.

Even in this conversation

"I believe you deserve to know" "Is there something on my face? Has it been there all evening? It has hasn't it? Sorry, go on." "I have wanted to talk to you since the engagement was announced but we have always been in company" "So this is something about Marina?" "Her heart belongs to another." "What?" "His name is Sir George Crane, he is a first son, a soldier, they rent the neighboring properties in the country, I am sorry Colin, but I have seen their love letters. I thought you should know before it is too late." "You really are very good, you know that? Do you think that I would care she had fond feelings for another before we met? It would be rather rich of me considering I've flirted with half the girls in London at one point or another." "No, you misunderstand, this was no mere flirtation, Marina loves this man, she loves him still." "And yet she is marrying me."

This conversation is often cited as proof that Colin doesn't listen to her, but reading it: he is listening very clearly. She told him Marina loved someone else before, he replied that it doesn't matter (can we take a moment to applaud him for this, also? that's a really mature response from him) and then when she tries to clarify, she does so by telling him that she loves someone else. But that's not what she actually wants to say.

What she's saying is to dissolve the engagement and she believes Colin the kind of person who would cut ties with someone who loved someone else before, but he isn't. It's not that he isn't listening to her, it's that he IS and he isn't responding in the way she wants. This scene is ALSO Colin asking Penelope to understand him, to understand his choices, to support him as well. He ends this conversation with a plea: Trust me, Pen, do not fret. Asking for her to take him seriously. Instead of trusting him, trusting him to his decisions, trusting him with the truth, she instead takes matters back into her own hands.

Because what she publishes is

"As if the Featheringtons did not have enough to be dealing with, Miss Marina Thompson is with child. And she has been from the very first day she arrived in our fair city."

That is HEAPS different from what she talked to Colin about, but it solidifies her innocence to him, because at the core of it, she wants PARTS of what Whistledown is, but not all of it. She WANTS Colin to see her as good and she wants to have a soft love story with him, all at the cost of who she actually is. She sanitizes herself for Colin because she does not understand or cannot face that he already has affection for her as she already is, that she can trust him for who HE is. He isn't in love with her (yet) because she hasn't shown him who she is in her entirety, but he DOES love her, regardless.

(Which I think is so beautiful. Here is a person who refuses time and time again to be open and vulnerable (because of her own trauma and complications, no shade, we've all been there) and yet he sees that she's special and keeps opening the door for her to talk to him. Let it never be said that Colin doesn't have a special place for her in his heart, regardless of a SINGULAR comment of his that she heard out of context)

Colin and Eloise are constantly asking how she's doing, constantly leaning in to see what she says, and the brief moments in when she confides in them, they obviously keep it close and recognize those moments as being special. It's Penelope who has to contest with the mortifying ordeal of being known: and that is her character arc. Her character arc is not that she did nothing wrong because no one else would listen, they do, but even when they don't (and Marina doesn't HAVE to listen to her about dissolving the engagement. Marina had to look out for her own wellbeing and the wellbeing of her future family and she had every right to considering everyone proved to her that no one else will) Penelope has Eloise and Penelope has Colin, two people who care deeply for her. Who she has written about and betrayed trust in. Who she needs to apologize to and make amends. And no, an apology is not 'I'm sorry, but I did it because X', Eloise didn't want excuses from Pen, she wanted accountability, and she was right to demand it.

Because the beautiful thing is that we have ALL hurt our friends, we have all been the bad friend, and we have all fucked up immensely, and such things make us human and capable of change, something Penelope is continuously denied as a character in the uwu perfect baby narrative that gets cultivated.

I think this quote sums up her dissonance very well

"Perhaps I will come forward one day, though you must know dear reader, that decision should be left entirely up to me."

at the end of it, this is a conversation about trust and agency. Penelope upholds her own privacy, her own right to secrecy, and denies everyone else the same, including people who adore her. Colin and Eloise and Marina all become villains in this light as opposed to what they actually are: People with their own wants and dreams who also deserve their own right to privacy. And my personal hope is that with who LW is in the show, Penelope recognizes that she doesn't need that persona as a coping mechanism. Not in her friendship with Eloise and not in her romance with Colin. She does not need LW to be heard because she *is* heard. She only needs to say what she really means.

In her very first article, Penelope writes

"Hiding behind this paper is a brave person who can protect herself with a pen."

but when Eloise tells her she is "Sequestered here in this very room, writing your secret little scandal sheet, tarnishing everyone in town, all because you are too scared to stand up for yourself in reality" she takes that to heart and gets defensive and furious because at the core of things, it's TRUE. it hurt her *because* it was true. Penelope does NOT stand nor speak up for herself in the light, only in her writing. and it doesn't have to be that way.

her character arc is growing to the point where she can do so. where she no longer needs LW to speak on her opinions or how she feels, where she doesn't rely on it. her character arc IS to become brave. people ALREADY like her. they already see her insight as valuable. LW is a coping mechanism Penelope used because she thought no one else listened, but they prove her wrong and she has to grapple with that. she is loved and she needs to learn to accept it. she is loved and she did bad things. she can make mistakes and still be loved. she can own what she's done and know she is surrounded by people who care for her to the point of accountability.

and isn't that just so much more satisfying?

[rainybraindays]

Seeing people call book Colin abusive and being like "he had no reason to be so mad about Whistledown )):" and like...yeah he kinda did?

Whistledown may notbe as bad in the books but she is in everyones business still, shes spreading gossip, and people do have a desire to find her. Hes afraid of what happens when they do. Because hes right, Cressida, to most people is the more pleasing option because shes popular but not liked and conventionally attractive and people will more easily shrug it off. They'll still be mad but they'll consider it par for the course with her and move on. Some may not even believe her, like Lady Danbury but if no one else comes forward they've no reason to think otherwise.

Penelope, short, chubby, unimportant to most everyone Penelope? That will piss them off. She doesn't have the social capital to keep herself from being ostracized, people will be pissed this person they look down on, a spinster, someone who never even talks, had such control over their lives.

Colins worried, he says it himself, about this, about he risks shes been taking for over a decade. Hes jealous she's found something thats her and he feels like he hasn't done the sames. Hes mad hes been lied to, feels like hes been made fun of with his Eloise theory, but most of all hes in love and hes frightened by the prospect of what could have happened to her. By what still could happen to her if she was found out.

The other scene also often quoted as Colin being abusive is him grabbing her arm at their engagement ball.

Do you remember what happened in that scene?

An issue of Whistledown is distributed midball, the one that ends up giving Cressida enough to blackmail her mind you, the one Colin had asked her not to publish and thought she had agreed not to. Penelopes inner dialog tells us this wasn't planned. She'd planned it for a different ball, so she can enjoy hers, she knows Colins going to be mad, and I bet you she doesn't want to argue on their happy day. Colin grabbing her, while done in anger, has always read to me less as some rage fueled behavior with no thought, but as a way to keep her from trying to sip away. He knows she doesn’t wana have this argument again. He likely doesn't even want to have this argument, but he knows they have to.

People often view this scenes as Colin being physically aggressive and this unbelievabley abusive person. They look at this, and have been yowling about how he treats her so unfairly. This fandon is horrible about not looking at the entire scene. The carriage scene has them arguing, Penelope bites back at him just as much as he snaps at her. Their engament ball fight leads to their first night together. This is them seeing each other at their worst. And in the end they still choose wach other

His anger isn't entirely jealous like some try to paint it. Theres genuine worry, hes afraid for her he says so himself. People keep saying how Penelope is afraid of him but shes not thats made clear several times. She's more afraid of them arguing because she thinks that it'll be enough to make him not choose her.

These arguments are necessary. They help Colin see her as a whole person, it helps him solidify that his feelings are as deep as he thinks. It helps Penelope see him as a whole person as well not just the man shes been crushing on her whole life, which she mentions in the book. It shows that they can get through the big issues in their relationship without falling apart.

And remember Cressida blackmails Penelope. Very much one of the things Colin was afraid of. The only reason he can do the big reveal is because its after they're married, and he tells Anthony and Simon whats happening beforehand. She has far more social capital as a Bridgerton wife than she ever did as a Featherington daughter

Should Colin have grabbed her? Maybe not, but I don't think thats enough to label him as an abusive asshole unworthy of love. You don’t always make the best decision, but one slip, especially one so minor as grabbing your partner so they can't slip away before you get to talk to them about a issue you know they won't like talking about, does not make you horribly abusive like some of you suggest.

And another related side note, a huge thing i see ALL the time, is how Colin's anger comes out of nowhere.

"ooooh in the other books colin doesn't have an angry bone in his body, hes so nice and relaxed, how could Quinn write him as such an ass in his own."

A temper not often showing is not the same as it not existing. When he says he wouldn't marry Penelope in the books? Very much an angry scene. Hes being teased after having her pushed on him by his mother, and hes tired of it and snaps aggressively to make it stop. Colin has always had a temper, it just wasn't nearly as important to the other books thus not explored. I know he says in the book how he doesn't think he has one, but we also tend to push away traits we view as negative when thinking on ourselves.

Anyway, please remember that Show Colin is going to have the worst reaction to the Whistledown reveal, as said by the cast themselves, and I'm kinda living for it.

[beyondtheglowingstars]

Ok!! Now that my questions have been answered- could I request a fic or some headcanons (either or, i dont mind) with Warriors from Linked Universe with a gender neutral s/o who's been really burntout recently? Like maybe s/o is like some sort of publisher or scholar for the royal family or sm and has been working non-stop and now suddenly they're just exhausted and can't find the energy to keep working-

Wars, being the good boyfriend he is, realises his s/o has been hauled up in their study not really coming out for anything but food, water etc.

so a little scenario of wars going to check up on them would be nice<3 something fluffy and comforting with just a hint of angst if you rly squint ya know?

If theres smt you wanna change or dont want to do then thats fine! Take your time with it :>

I look forward to seeing what you do! and thanks for responding to my questions earlier

Hi hi! Sorry once again for this being late, but I hope you like it and that it maybe brightened your day even if just slightly.

Thank you for such nice words! They're a huge motivator for me.

Warriors with a burnt-out s/o (hcs)

You were feeling burnt-out? And were stressing so much that you hadn't been coming out for anything other than fulfilling your basic needs?? Warriors just wouldn't allow that. Not a chance.

If only you had seen his face when Zelda let him know what was happening. She was genuinely concerned for your well being and tried to help you several times, but she truly knew Link was the only remedy to the problem.

Warriors would immediately go back to the chain not to ask for permission from Time, he would basically give the command himself that they would stay near the castle for as long as it took for you to feel better.

He didn't tell them this, but if it bothered anyone, then they could go on without him and he'd join back until he knew you were doing better.

Time understood the power that love had over people, and guessed that it may not be so bad for them to take some time off, so he didn't protest. He'd make sure to keep some of the boys away from Warriors and you as much as he could so you had some time together.

Warriors would gently knock the door to your room while calling you your affectionate nickname.

The first thing that happens after opening that door is you getting scooped in his strong arms and being given two smooches. One on your forehead and another on your lips.

He sits down with you and holds you close, asking about how you've been doing while he was gone.

If you wanted to talk or vent for a while, he'll sit there without problem and listen to all you have to say, maybe shedding a tear or two himself if you need to cry. He'll give you a nice, tender kiss at the end.

If you don't wanna share much, that's okay too. He'll lovingly tell you more reassuring words than you can think of and will keep holding you for as long as you need.

Don't think he doesn't have any more to offer, he's very excited to gift you everything he's gotten for you in his travels.

He's taking you out to the town after that.

Whatever is it that you want from the vendors, he'll get it for you.

He'd be telling you about the most fun parts of his adventure, making sure to make it as entertaining as he can.

When you crack a big smile he's gonna feel the proudest he ever has.

He'd be so happy to see that you're finally enjoying yourself. He knows very well why it's so important to take your mind off of responsibilities every once in a while.

After a long day, he's taking you back to your room and spoiling you as much as he can.

He knew you'd be tired, so he may have asked for help from one of the castle maids before he saw you earlier in the day. You come back to find everything spotless and tidy.

Before you have any time to ask him what is it that he did, he's already making you comfortable and getting your sleeping clothes.

He's cuddling with you to sleep. Doesn't matter if you're the big or small spoon, he's just content to be close to you and knowing that you're feeling better now.

He wishes he could stay by your side from that day on and forget about everything else, but he knows he's gonna have to leave soon, and is preparing for it.

In the meantime, he'd make sure you both enjoy your time together as much as possible.

[andorerso]

Answer the Questions and Tag 5 Fanfic Authors

thanks for the tag @mosylufanfic <3

1. How did you get into writing fanfiction?

I started reading fanfiction when I was very young, maybe 10-11? and it pretty much immediately made me want to write my own stories. early attempts were... unsuccessful, but I always had a lot of ideas and I just wanted to get them out there... so I did

2. How many fandoms have you written in?

in reverse chronological order: Rogue One/Andor, GoT/ASOIAF, She-Ra, Grisha-verse/Nikolai Series, The Raven Cycle, American Horror Story, Reign, Pretty Little Liars, The Vampire Diaries, Supernatural, Twilight

and some I have never published but did write for: The Witcher, Dishonored, Magnificent Century: Kösem

so that's 14 fandoms total

3. How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

well, my first attempt was at 14 but I pretty much immediately abandoned that story after posting. I tried again at 16 and have been writing pretty consistently ever since. so it's been more than ten years, almost fifteen

4. Do you read or write more fanfiction?

lately I'm writing more than I'm reading, however in general over the years, it's definitely read. I've consumed so many!

5. What is one way you’ve improved as a writer?

I think my action has gotten better recently? it's still far from my strength but being forced to write some action scenes in recent stories definitely improved that area... who would have thought?

6. What’s the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

I've researched many weird stuff over the years but idk, I'm blanking on specifics

7. What’s your favorite type of comment to receive on your work?

I love it when people yell and curse at me <33

8. What’s the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

idk if I've ever written something truly fringe... actually maybe the dildo fic?

9. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

smut! which is funny because I've spent the last month writing nothing but that. but smut is hardddddd

10. What is the easiest type?

I'm seconding modern AUs, that's my comfort genre, and I'm also very well-versed in anything paranormal

11. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

I switched from Word to Scrivener a few years ago, and I haven't looked back. Word would probably still work, but Scrivener is just very convenient, I can have all the things in one place, and it makes things so easy

12. What is something you’ve been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

well, sex pollen belonged to this category, but I've just gotten over that! other than that, I've been going back and forth about this apocalypse/zombie exes to lovers longfic for months now, because it's intimidating as hell for many reasons, and it would be a lot of work which I may not have the time for currently, but there's so many parts of it that I love and want to write. mainly this very specific scene that will not leave my brain, but absolutely would not work without the proper background and build-up.... sigh

13. What made you choose your username?

here or on ao3? on ao3, it's wintersend (winter's end) and like. I can't even remember why I picked it. it's so random, I've never used it before and never since. I think it may have had something to do with the fact that I'm a winter child, and I was also into GoT at the time... I genuinely don't know

and here.... hmmm idk if I should tell you guys.... it's very niche, you wouldn't get it

tagging @frostbitepandaaaaa @quarantineddreamer @fulcrumstardust @flythesail @luciechat

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

i had a friend who got a massive book deal, translated into 12 languages or something right off the bat, huge publicity campaign, etc. and we weren't very close friends, just online acquaintances via a particular community, and she'd been inactive there for a while due to being busy, so there was no, like, regular contact between us. which meant for several months i had this kind of festering jealousy, but i did my best never to show it, because we were acquaintances if not friends, and that would be mean, i was supposed to be happy for her. i just... didn't have enough personal associations to disrupt those feelings, you know?

and then when the book came out, she was doing an event fairly near me, at a bookshop i had been looking for an excuse to visit. (it was far enough away that it required a specific journey.) she normally lived in another country but her publisher had arranged this uk tour, because, big book deal, meaning it was a rare chance for us to meet. so i went along, planning how i would introduce myself: "hey, i used to be in that group chat with you, not sure if you remember..." she would not, i thought, remember me or recognise me without context, and this was going to be embarrassing, but i would power through

the event, when i got there, was actually pretty small. i sat myself in the front row because it made it easier to prop my cane up in front of me without getting in anyone's way, and waited

and she walked in. and she saw me. and she went "oh my god! néide, is that you?" and, ignoring that she was meant to be starting the event, came over and hugged me. "how are you? i had no idea you'd be here, this is so cool!", genuinely curious, genuinely happy to see me to the point of throwing off the professional author persona entirely, apparently genuinely thrilled that i had come at all. after the event, we chatted for a while and took pictures together for me to send to the group chat and all of that, holding up the whole signing line until i eventually pointed out she should probably talk to someone else and ducked out

and you know what? while i still feel a level of professional jealousy (which i think is natural when you work in a similar/adjacent field to someone), on a personal level, the resentment is GONE. because she was kind. because she put our acquaintanceship above the event for one minute and treated me like a friend even though we hadn't chatted in months. i have had acquaintances who left everyone else for dust when they found success, but it was wrong of me to assume this friend would do that without any evidence of it, and she proved that to me in a moment

i don't have a moral here, this is just an anecdote that i think about sometimes. it's hard when you have successful friends but it taught me that if i am ever in the position of being the successful friend, i want to be the one who makes them think "oh but they're so kind, though, i legit can't resent them" and not the one who prompts a "wow well they pissed off as soon as they made it, didn't they? fuck them then". i can't guarantee to recognise my internet friends on sight because i am faceblind as fuck but. i want to be the one who takes time for the people i care about, no matter what else is going on

and. yeah. i can hold a grudge like nobody's business but i can also hold whatever the positive equivalent of a grudge is. "that person was nice to me once when i was feeling insecure and i have never, ever forgotten it" can be just as powerful, sometimes, as "that person was a bitch to me and I never forgave them"

so, i want to be the kind of person people hold positive grudges about

[sporesgalaxy]

Not mad saying this or anything and feel free to ignore me I don’t control you but I just wanted to say as someone who has actually seen Oppenheimer (and trust me it’s a long movie with a heavy subject and a lot of loud noise so it’s not for everyone and I’m not gonna say everyone has to see it) and Barbie I wanted to say Oppenheimer really isn’t military propaganda it is very much about the indifference of the government and military towards death in pursuit of power and the evils of atomic weaponry. Minor spoilers but the movie just straight up ends with saying the invention of the bomb destroyed the world (while showing warheads and military weapons) it’s very much a film that paints the government and war and invention of the bombs in an extremely negative light and of course being about a man who actually existed it isn’t perfectly accurate to how he may have felt but I do think its worthwhile to watch if you can handle the subject matter and a long movie like that because I felt like it was the first movie about a war in a long time that actually doesn’t glorify any of it. Sorry for long ask I’m passionate about film and I feel like people are forming these opinions without any real knowledge of the actual film itself while just deciding since it’s about war it’s bad. It isn’t for everyone and I would never say you HAVE to see it because like I said it’s a heavy subject but it IS a film I actually recommend for those who can handle it.

Also yeah the Barbie movie is definitely gonna sell a lot of dolls Mattel wouldn’t ok it otherwise but by itself it is very worth watching and really a beautiful film about existing as a woman and the intentions behind Barbie vs what she became and a bunch of other important and beautiful things.

Sorry to write an essay in your inbox like I said I’m very passionate about film and I kind of just wanted to like. Share that Oppenheimer is in fact not pro military or war and if someone watches it and thinks it was in favor of any of the events depicted I don’t think they really understood the film or even paid attention to it because it was pretty on the nose about how bad stuff was.

Again feel free to delete or ignore or whatever you do. you don’t have to publish this or do anything other than I hope read it. And again I’m not mad or vindictive towards you I just have strong feelings about movies.

Ah, I knew I was being reductive in those tags calling them "both propaganda" but I had just woken up and considered it close enough. Apologies all the same.

Interesting to know that the film apparently isn't pro-war! I am much more interested in watching it for myself knowing that, although I'll admit my curiosity is not entirely in good faith. I'm interested in the history of WW2 and the Cold War and there are a lot of easy stumbling blocks and common points of oversimplification and misrepresentation, even for anti-war media. I'm curious to know how much nuance the film really manages to take into consideration in this regard.

I have heard from critics of Oppenheimer who did watch the film that it made no mention of the Navajo people who were radiation-poisoned for generations because of the nuclear testing in New Mexico. I think even if the film is anti-war and anti-weaponry, this oversight was a mistake that wastes compelling support for the anti-war argument, and undercuts itself in doing so.

I apologize again for misrepresenting what I expect from the Barbie movie. Interviews with the director and advertisements have made it clear that the movie aims to have a feminist message, which from what I have seen will probably be a strong and philosophically sound argument.

Still, there's a counterargument to be made that this ultimately serves as another example of a brand capitalizing on values-based marketing (i.e. the Gilette razor ad ["short film"] about toxic masculinity bring uncool). I think that addressing it that way is more than a little reductive, but I genuinely assumed that this was the reasoning behind pairing Barbie and Oppenheimer in memes (besides their clear tonal juxtaposition and shared opening day).

[violetasteracademic]

Hello!! I absolutely adore your posts and how well you've researched and thought everything out. I am curious what you think about Mor being Azriel's mate. I go back and forth on the question - it's a lot to tackle with Mor's sexuality and how mates are chosen etc. I feel like there's some language that could indicate they're mates, but I know it's not a popular theory in the Elriel bubble and ACOTAR fandom as a whole. It would also solve the question of "what would Azriel do if him and Elain aren't mates, but he found his mate later on?" Just curious if you have any thoughts on the matter. :)

Hello my love! First of all, I want to genuinely thank you for your kind words. I have quite a few days in this fandom where I wonder if I fit in here, but my deep enjoyment for writing theory posts and fanfics keeps me going! You caught me on a day I was sort of in my feels about it, so it was really lovely to see a kind word attached to the ask!

I am 100% a Morrigan and Azriel are Cauldron breeding mates just like L/ucien and Elain truther, and I have soooo much to get into about it and am bringing my usual receipts. I'm pretty convinced that even if she ultimately opts not to go that direction, she for sure was thinking heavily about it.

This post is EXCEPTIONALLY long (as usual) because I think Morrigan is a character that receives unjust hate in every microcosm of the fandom and some things need to be noted, and I hope you all will give it a chance even if you dislike Mor or hate this theory!

It is important to remember that every character is in fact *not* a real person, but the author. And sometimes character flaws are not intentionally curated for arcs and development, but they are author flaws. I believe this is partly the case with Morrigan. I don't spend a lot of time critiquing SJM. This is not because she is above reproach, it's simply because there are plenty of people out there doing it and there are valid spaces for that. That being said, I cannot address the Morrigan situation without addressing the very real issue of SJM and her blind spots when it comes to representation. This is something that SJM and Bloomsbury have addressed and made necessary steps to improve:

Time article published January 30th 2024, found here.

SJM has fallen into a lot of bad tropes and stereotypes when it comes to her BIPOC and LGBTQ representation, to the point where she has hired sensitivity readers to ensure she does not continue to so do. This is a great thing, and personally I think sensitivity readers should be the bare minimum and the absolute norm and not solely employed in response to criticism. Alas, it is a new addition and her past mistakes live on.

Sexuality is a spectrum, and while some people might identify with the way SJM has represented it, she had a pattern that she did not break until recently: Tokenizing sexual representation as bi characters interested in having sex with all genders and orientations without experiencing emotional attraction outside of their preferred gender.

*TOG spoiler* The Aedion bi reveal in the second to last book served literally no purpose other than- look! More representation! He had no romantic or emotionally intimate experiences with men throughout the series, but very suddenly and randomly reveals he has sex with men. It is mentioned once, then never again, because he is pursuing a heterosexual relationship. That is a valid experience with sexuality but in the context of ToG it was a brow-raising and unearned attempt to throw in an extra queer character because she was being criticized. That's a hey you tried but maybe do better next time.

But then it happened again with Helion- freely having sex and experiencing physical attraction with both men and women but only suggestions of having fallen in love with a woman, and will likely only persue a hetero relationship.

Then it happened again with Morrigan (with a slightly flipped script), who only experiences love and romance with women but freely has sex with men. Now we see a *pattern* and at this point its like, mmkay, skill issue. Even if it does feel authentic and representative to *some* readers, it is also a reflection of the authors limitations exploring emotional intimacy with her bi characters and just treating them as wanting/willing to have sex with anyone while only like liking just boys or just girls.

I bring all of this up because I am going to bring in my usual methods of comparisons, themes, development, ect- but I am typically talking about things SJM did exceptionally well. When it comes to Morrigan, I don't necessarily think she has done things all that well. But the threads are still there, and my love for Morrigan and experience with her themes live beyond an irritating skill issue on the authors part. Lets get into it.

I've made quite a few posts about the usage of the mating bond as a plot device and the development of theme. The best one to catch up on if you'd like is probably this one here.

The biggest indicators to me that Morrigan is Azriel's corrupted Cauldron (aka breeding) mate are twofold: parallel behavior between Mor and Lucien as well as the development of Morrigan's theme of her value being tied to her breeding in ACOWAR alongside the introduction of the mating bond being nothing less than a tool for powerful breeding, also for the first time in ACOWAR.

With the confirmation that the Asteri corrupted the Cauldron, along with the conversation regarding the Asteri forcing mated pairs outside of sexual orientations and not caring (*HOSAB), SJM doubled down on all of this. The Asteri need powerful offspring. They will force queer women to mate with men to do it.

Spoiler alert: Celestina does *not* prefer males. And the Asteri do not care.

CC also, in my opinion, cemented the two-bond theory. The Mother Bond (also known as Urd or Wyrd) the true soul-mated pairs, and Breeding Bond- created at the behest of the Asteri.

With breeding bonds, you can experience a sense of ownership and possessiveness over someone you are not even remotely romantically interested in:

Both Mor and L/ucien go stiff during representations of their *alleged mates interacting romantically with someone else even when there is no attraction or emotional intimacy. For L/ucien, he doesn't even know Elain. He doesn't automatically assume they will even be together, because he wants to know more about her personality and decide if they are a good fit. Honestly? Super healthy and valid.

Morrigan is having her moment during ACOFAS. She is very much out as queer (again, with some confusion of whether or not she is bi due to a skill issue on the author's end, but 100% confirmed to not be romantically interested in men) so why is she going tense at the sight of Azriel acting like a BDE husband to Elain? The unjustified and unsympathetic take (imo) is that she is being weird and jealous and wants Azriel's attention even though she doesn't want him. This makes no sense. She has actually only ever acted positively towards Elain, and before this dinner mused on Azriel giving Elain truth-teller without a shred of jealousy. But then to see them together, even though she does not want Azriel and only wishes for his happiness, she tenses, then recovers quickly. To me, both of these moments indicate a jerk reaction to the breeding bond at work.

There is also this idea of feel a pull to explore their *alleged mate just once:

L/ucien actually has already seen Elain, and although he had some immediate instinctive reactions, it didn't leave him immediately feeling like this was the woman he was supposed to be with. Alternatively, Morrigan deeply loves Azriel, just not in that way. She loves him so much that sometimes she wonders if she should try, just once, just to know for sure, even though she is not capable of falling in love with men. Both of these scenes are from ACOWAR, and tie into the way mating bonds are finally described, and how most mates feel like they should try:

Even though neither Mor or L/ucien experience romantic feelings for their mates, they feel a pull to try. They think about giving things a chance just to be sure. This is not something any of our other mates have experienced.

This passage also leads me to another important note- which is the severity of mating bond rejections. Again, all of this is in ACOWAR and thematically connects. Both Elain and Mor have very good reason to be afraid of a mating bond rejection. It can drive a male mad and make them go violently insane. We can criticize both women all day long about how they should just reject their mates and have the conversation so everyone can move on, but when this is what is on the table for them? A man possibly killing because of the power of the mating bond? That is no joke.

The only reason Morrigan slept with Helion is because she was sick and terrified over Azriel handing Eris his ass because he called her a slut. Mor has already seen Azriel act in an uncontrolled and violent manner that could not easily be stopped on her behalf. If she is afraid of what a mating bond rejection will do to Azriel, the depth and complexity of her decision, and her behavior to try to distance and avoid the conversation is a lot more sympathetic. I also believe that Morrigan, Azriel, and Elain will be doing some work together in Vallahan, and the issue of the Cauldron being wrong for both Azriel and Elain will resolve during that storyline. You can read more about that here.

And then of course, there is this:

Rhys only brings up Mor when Azriel brings up the Cauldron. That feels extremely intentional to me. I think Rhys either knows or assumes that Azriel and Mor have a mating bond. I think both Az and Mor know (I also think Azriel absolutely knows Mor is queer, and their weirdness and his constant confusion and staring at her has more to do with that than being in love with her, because he doesn't understand why she is sleeping with men at all.) Crack theory, but I think Eris knows. What happened between Mor and Eris isn't a secret, it was all revealed in ACOFAS. But I think somehow, for some reason, Eris is also aware of the mating bond between Az and Mor, which is why Morrigan gets so pissed when Eris needles her about not telling the whole truth. She isn't trying to hide what Eris did to make herself look better (he didn't do much, really, still left her to die even though he did her a solid by not accepting her as his wife) but he also knew that a Blood Duel could be called by Az over her.

Here's the thing: ACOWAR states that some courts allow men to kill each other over their mate choosing or having other partners. The bonus chapter clarifies that violence as the Blood Duel. I do not believe the Blood Duel can be called over anyone over any situation- it is specific to mates. I could be wrong, but it seems strange that Rhys would talk about outlawed violent practices that is not allowed in his court but is in others, and then we would see the Blood Duel brought up as the Autumn Court tradition, and not see them as one in the same:

Ultimately, all of these characters are grappling with their choices being affected by deeply held cultural beliefs about the mating bond.

If Azriel and Mor are breeding mates, she is struggling with genuine love for him but being unable to love him romantically. She thematically is dealing with hiding her sexuality because there is no greater dishonor to the culture of her family than a woman not being used for sale and breeding. If Azriel and Mor are mates, so much of her behavior and her themes and experiences make so much more sense. Rhysand's response to Azriel thinking the Cauldron was wrong when he has a mate in the Inner Circle whom he already loves makes more sense. Azriel knowing Mor is queer and not understanding why she sleeps with men but also not pushing her to have a conversation about their bond makes more sense.

Everything makes more sense if Az and Mor are mates.

If they are not, well, skill issue, I guess.

Either way, I truly hope Mor gets her HEA and SJM's employed sensitivity writers will help her do it justice.

How did we do? Did anyone stick with me on this one? Have I won you over? I can't wait to see what happens, however it pans out! And I'm grateful for the addition of sensitivity readers to Sarah's work. I hope she does her best to represent as well as she can!

[transpersian]

Hey just wanted to say sorry for how aggressive my anons were a bit ago I was having an episode and taking it out on you because I started to delusively see you as one of my past abusers because some of the things you had said reminded me of what everyone who supported them and and the things that my abusers themself have said.

I still think you're a rape apologist in actions considering you think coercion based SA and rape is funny and nonexistent but I shouldn't have actively been aggressive and having a full blown psychotic episode in your inbox.

HEY READ THIS FIRST BIG CW FOR SA AND R*** DISCUSSION

Okay, now read the ask and then continue below.

Hey, anon. I'm sorry that happened to you, genuinely. It's okay, I don't mind. It's not that uncommon to get that kind of message in here.

While you were (aggressively) telling me to publish your previous asks, now I'm going to assume that you don't want me to since they were the product of an episode. I'm still going to do my best to respond to some of your statements here.

First-off, I have to tell you that I myself am an SA survivor. The main one happened in 2020 and I haven't been able to feel safe enough to connect intimately during sex since. As a demisexual, that's a special kind of shitty.

Another more complicated sexually traumatic incident as a teenager.

There's another one my memories are kind of weird around, so I just don't touch it.

But you need to understand that I take it very seriously, anon. I do.

I'm wondering if you would be able to re-read my document and see yourself in my position. Invalidated. Brushed aside. Attacked. Pushed to begging and then reprimanded for it. Left with an indefinite break for two weeks on top of the originally requested week, with no notification. Left to watch her celebrate her birthday without me.

She talks about BPD and FPs. She was the first person I was able to trust since 2.5 years of my personal nightmare of abuse. She knew this, and she just left me hanging.

We have friends that have heard them mention letting relationships "whither" instead of actually ending things healthily and fairly for the other party. They don't fucking care. They just do what's most emotionally convenient for them.

I don't know how you read through the whole thing and just brushed it off as nothing, unless you didn't actually read it and just listened to what Poppy and Liana have been saying. Please, read it for yourself if you haven't.

If you already have, then I'd ask you to read it again without such prejudice against me. I'm not operating off of any breakup feelings. I'm operating off of the testimonies of many, many people I've spoken to about the things she's done to them.

The kind of logic that she's using to justify calling what happened to her SA is the same kind of logic people use against trans people about disclosure.

I'm not defending SA. I'm saying that I know more of the story and Poppy is lying about several things that change things drastically.

I'm not doing this because of our breakup. I'll keep saying it as much as I have to: I'm with Hela now and we're fucking adorably, happily in love together. I got over the breakup in August.

And trust me, anon. You can wish your trauma on me, but I promise you I've got more than you might think. I'm not what they're saying I am. When it comes to what I do behind the scenes, I am meticulous and thorough and work very hard to consider as many potential consequences of decisions as possible.

Where did I say anything about "norms of a relationship?" I'm being genuine, anon, I'm confused. Please send me a link to whatever you're referring to so I can understand whatever this is.

As for the risk of this, I'm not going to discuss it publicly for now beyond saying this: the risk of harm from doing it is far less than the risk of harm from not.

You don't have to believe me, but I promise you, there's more to this than I can simply convey here and I fully believe that I'm doing the right thing.

This isn't about vengeance or bitterness over some breakup. This is about protecting people.

I hope you'll give me a chance when the next drop happens, anon. Please take care.

And please, notice how being around Poppy and reading her story makes you feel, physically, in your body.

If Poppy is running a community that's meant to be a safe haven for survivors of all kinds of trauma, explicitly including CSA...

Why is she using that same community to process the extremely raw trauma of her experience?

All debate about the semantics of her situation aside, this is an extremely fucking triggering subject.

At the very least, it's extremely irresponsible and unethical.

[romilly-jay]

Enemies to Lovers? Thank You, Yes, Think I Will... <3

***spoilers***

Wasn't reeeeeeellli planning to write about this one here. But surprised myself by enjoying it. Surprised myself again by discovering that it's based on a book (probably the publishing house setting was a big clue but not one I feel confident relying on fully).

Gave it a go because I'd vm enjoyed Lucy Hale in the (for me) ridiculously named but surprisingly rounded / robust / landing-achieving Puppy Love (2023), opp Grant Gustin from Flash/Glee.

I thought she did a great job of being "kooky" without shading across into unfathomably irrational and managing to deliver high charm almost all the way through. Didn't say it there so I'll say it here - felt to me like there was very significant fondness and almost no heat in the depiction of the MC rels... if there was room for love stories that were largely ace/platonic, maybe this would be a good place to land that particular love story? I do get it, that this isn't An Option, in terms of the mainstream tropes or audience expectation. YET??

BTW - veering //AGAIN// - saw analysis of La La Land that suggested it works (and doesn't REALLY have a sad/unsatisfactory ending) because the nature of the love the MCs have for each other is preserved and merely shifts from romantic towards platonic. (?)

If I remember correctly, the commentator thought that the central relationship in La La Land was pretty healthy - that each of the MCs were doing more and most of their work on their own personal issues.

I'm going to guess that he probably wouldn't feel this way about the relationship in The Hating Game, though it's sweeter and kinder sooner and for more of the movie than the title or opening suggested.

Thanks to BuzzFeed article by Farrah Penn (Dec 23, 2021), I now know that the opening line for the movie is also the - deliciously hooky - opening line for the book. Put the pitch into the start of the story - why not? It absolutely got me to stay to see how it played out.

[But perhaps, watching through my fingers, because as I may have mentioned, I'm not actually a fan of storylines that involve the MCs being psychotic, either towards each other or in general. Yes, it generates tension but not in a way I find v. enjoyable to invest in.]

Things I liked -

That he genuinely took care of her (multiple times but I'm thinking of when she's ill). That she stuck up for him at the family event. That he wants a relationship not a hook-up (I read this as gender-reversed?).

Things I liked LESS -

The moments in the plot where they "have to fight" or "have to fall out" - I was genuinely mystified about how the film could take them from a declaration of love on his part to right back to sq one on her part (convinced he's the enemy) in roughly 3 mins of screen time.

UGH.

The fact that he reads to me like a man who's been written by a woman. What? We give male writers a hard time when they write women really badly. For me, this reads WELL for the story and POORLY in terms of whether this could be an actual living male. Perhaps it could - but (again, for me) the confection lasted only as long as the film's HEA and then fell over like cardboard caught in rain.

By contrast, I bought GG's character as highly neurotic but believable as a character in his own right - the bond they make gives him back to himself. I can imagine him existing independently in that world.

Back to The Hating Game -

Also, didn't love the decision to give him a mostly nude scene where the female MC was clothed. Good for LH that her contract allows her to keep her clothes on. Good - I guess - that the film shows us the female gaze where the male gaze has traditionally been. But how about we abolish Uneven Gazing altogether (??). For my own taste, clothes on or covered would have been Fine, just Fine. But main ask is for a couple mutually revealed to each other - a balance. Evenness.

Also, I accept that I may not be representing the maj view here in my general request for screen couples to kiss hotly but retain their attire.

So, yes, this isn't what I'd design For Me but sure, I can be happy to let beautiful people carry on being gorgeous on screen and for them to look longingly at each other (as proxies for how we are no doubt looking at them from our sofas). In principle I'm body positive - tho in practice, I'm still basically awkward, shy and old-style British.

Final thought - fascinates me how perceptions about levels of chemistry differ. For me, these actors had great on-screen chemistry but I've seen at least one review that felt they absolutely did not.

For me, it seems more like the problems for this couple are going to start when they stop making out / shagging and attempt to co-habit or to sustain a conversation that isn't about work or her lipstick.

[taegularities]

Oh I was entertained to the fullest and till the very last devoured the whole thing in one sitting like 🍗💋

Firstly I love it more than before everytime I read your recent works it's just gets better your writing is just getting better with every fic and the whole description just crunchiest shit 🫦🫦 which is so rare to get such quality in this fanfiction community and very few who just do it WE LOVE IT BABE the growth and hard work you put in these ffs so much love and appreciation for you and lots of respect

Personally love this inner monologue of jk's you did in this just OH MY FUCKIN GOD like for a good minute even after knowing he gonna be assy musty bitch I was rooting and feeling for this guy so much.

My thoughts were like okay it's just little insecure narcissistic eittiy bittiy baby boy we are dealing with who is about to get his shit wrecked up and down but DASH 💨 we got some other route I knew it exact the moment Chaos coming when oc mentioned the college and her friend like yes bitch ✨✨✨✨ you are fucked 🤭🤭 we are getting a HIT 🔥🥵 SHOW

And is it bad to say I feel little bad for the unreleased song unfortunate how poor song isn't getting released anytime soon #justicefortheunreleasedsong

WOW LIKE WOW scrumbley delicious smut gosh RID you really outdid yourself with this one just 👩🏻‍🍳🍳 I wanna know how you writing this good smuts lately so much better than some actual publishing authors 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Now coming to the oc's friend I understand her and sympathize her and nor I wanna sound like some completely unsympathetic person BUT !!!! like C'MON GURL HE WAS A CLEAR CUT VISIBLE RED FLAG he put on display of himself and still you went in like your friend is able to see more into your whatever relationship than you at all we clearly DELUSIONALLY BLIND 🦯 too our own goodness but that was very dumb 😭😭 of her I'm sorry like we can't even blame her people even IRL be doing shit like that. I'm not victim Shaming at all like yes what the fucker character of jk did was absolutely disgusting and deserved Karma he got at the end

But how come she never thought of her friend who was constantly there for her like if you would have asked oc to commit murder I'm sure she would have gone all 🤺🤺 not that we support such stuffs 🙅🏻‍♀️ but some 🦨 nasty deserve

Being for real if not legal action she and oc could have pull some smart move revenge prank back on him if only she genuinely listened to oc I don't know I feel bad how she just didn't give much thought and went away so fast after that fuckers bullshit talk

Btw I Love that playlist thingyy you did cherry on top loved how similar taste we share (⁠´⁠ ⁠❥⁠ ⁠`)

And about jk's character dynamic I feel like he always prefer himself in way he chased himself in people from very childhood getting full on best treatment and praise from all side clearly made him little narcissistic and self obsessed with zero expectations of returning back anything to the point he thought of anyone but him and his Chase for more appreciation and undivided love in different people all the time till he get's bored from them when they start asking back for the some love YK which is what we get to see with jangmi like all he wanted was typical love me all you can without wanting back in return till I get board and toss you I'm sure even after all that he keep on doing same shit with others assholes like him never stop any lower

Untill he got faced with something to Chase more just like parallel to his career we can see it's like he wants to something to engage with on constant like a spoiled brat child who is more so anticipated of opening the gift rather than receiving or appreciation of others hope it's all making some sense ⊂⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠つ

And I kinda I wish there was more of uglyness from oc's side yes I'm through and through satisfied but still I was wishing more of a femme fatale crazy havco taking place her making him all tangled up in love  and obsession full-on blinded by her to the point he can't still imagine her do something like this just swapping off floor from his feets like ⛽🔥📛👩🏻‍🚒🚒

Really love you appreciate you for putting this out here for us 💖🙏🏻

~🦴🔫 anon

32k in one sitting is insaneeee 😭 omg did i get better? thank you.. as someone with a creative hobby, this is all i could hope for :') gosh, i bet there are so many people out there who are amazing and do even better stuff than i do, but you're so sweet and i'll take the compliment 🥺

glad you liked the jk pov :P he's super secure and insecure about himself at once!! definitely is a narcissistic, whiny baby either way :') yes!! the world missed out on the song bc it was my time, one of the greatest tracks ever made, but what can we do 🤣 THANK YOU FOR LIKING THE SMUT. i am quite proud of it, if i say so myself, like i do think it was one of the better ones i've written so far :D how i'm writing such good smut lately? who'd know 👁 LOL

you right you right, the friend was certainly naive, but i guess that was just part of her personality, you know? like, jangmi was an extremely kind, extremely giving person. she trusted others and she believed in love, she just gave that trust to the wrong person. she hoped she could change him, or make him love her; just a very "oh a bad boy, i can fix him" kinda mistake. oc isn't like that – she sees through people fast.. and she tried to convince jangmi, but love is love and it does make you blind and you only really see the issues once the loved one is gone in one way or another. things would've turned out so differently if she'd listened to her best friend though sigh :') and oh, oc definitely wanted to take legal action! or hurt jk in some way, but jangmi, as someone who really really liked kook, did not want to go that far.. she was not the type of person to take revenge or pull a prank.

hehe okayyy, i put a lot of thought into the playlist!!!! so happy you enjoyed it!! any fav song on it?

yup yup, the top notch treatment he got from his family, and as the younger sibling too, certainly shaped him. made him selfish for sure; for him, nobody is good enough, and he def deffff doesn't expect anything from anyone!! except maybe attention and love, but he won't settle for long enough to actually give anything back. proceeds until he gets bored and then moves to someone else. chasing someone else was new for him, which is why oc intrigued him so much haha she didn't give a shit about his advances :P

yeahhhh, i think oc has a lot more in her than we know, but since the fic was already too long and we didn't see much of her thoughts or anything from her pov, it was a bit hard to go the full femme fatale route 🤣 not sure if he would've ever fallen in love with her, tbh.

i appreciate you so so much, babe!!!! thank you for dropping such a long fkn review??? i'm sorry i got to it so late, but i wanted to give a thought out response. literally, never stop and ily <33333