#(and i don't mean that in a morbid way. and i do recognize that it's quite hypocritical)

[suddencolds]

.~

[doctorcurdlejr]

Niko!! what'd you think of I saw the tv glow. I finally saw it last night and noticed you posting about it so I wanted to know your thoughts :)

Levi!!! I was JUST wondering what you were thinking about the movie after I saw you posting about it as well... we are so media discussion pilled in this way, it's awesome. ANYWAYS I've had so many thoughts since I first saw it and I've been trying to turn them into something coherent for a little bit now.

Ummm okay I have written 1k+ words about this movie, the suburbs, and escapism via teen TV.... clearly I was dying for somebody to ask this I guess so thank you for indulging me <3

First and foremost, I absolutely loved it! I've seen it twice now and the first time I watched it I got to see Jane Schoenbrun talk about the film right after. I already really liked it from that first watch alone. I found it so deeply relatable to my experiences - both in terms of growing up gay and trans, but where I am now in my 20s trying to navigate adulthood. Hearing what Schoenbrun had to say really cemented my feelings and thoughts about the film.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer was a big influence on the movie (it's why Amber Benson makes a cameo as Johnny Link's mom). Even though I don't have the same emotional link to Buffy since I never watched it, I recognize it as the same type of warmth I experienced growing up with Riverdale. When Owen says he feels like his insides have been scooped out but that he's too afraid to look and have that wrongness everybody knows is there be confirmed, Maddy simply responds "Maybe you're like Isabel. Afraid of what's inside you." Tears forming but not falling, breathing shallowly, I grabbed the paper and pen the theater keeps at the seats for people to order food with and wrote that line down - the slip of paper is still somewhere in my car. Writing it now almost feels lame in its simplicity, but it felt like my insides were being flayed open.

During the director discussion, Schoenbrun talked a little bit about this idea of how truly fucking bizarre it is to grow up in the suburbs. Like, when we think about the pinnacle of normality in American culture, it's the image of middle-class cis-hetero-white suburbia. At the same time, despite this cultural dream of normality, everybody is hyper-aware that the suburbs are one of the least normal things ever. So, the ACTUAL cultural understanding of it is that it's where we go to, like, passively kill ourselves (*George Costanza voice* WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY YOU KNOW!). This idea isn't new, I mean there are so many films and shows about navigating that specific bizarre dissonance from Rebel Without a Cause to Heathers to Twin Peaks. Probably half the pre-teen to teen TV I watched obsessively growing up, stuff like Strange Days at Blake Holsey High, Making Fiends, Truth or Scare, and eventually Riverdale, were never shy about being weird and morbid and saying "yes, the suburbs are exactly as bizarre and lethal in the ways you can already feel in your bones at 13." I Saw the TV Glow does a really good job of keying not only into that mental dissonance but more specifically into how those of us who have felt so intrinsically weird and different and wrong fell back on these shows like they were capable of doing the emotional version of a rescue breath maneuver after being drowned.

In high school, if there were two things about me that any person who even vaguely knew me could list off it was that I watched Riverdale, and I was a lesbian - and I was mocked more for the Riverdale. At that age, I was, without a doubt, the most miserable I have ever felt in my life. I rarely left the house because my family lived in a development that made me want to scratch my skin off when I walked out our front door. Owen didn't leave the house for days, afraid Maddy could somehow force him out. I sobbed constantly and frequently to depressing indie rock on the floor of my closet while hoping my family would just once read the (honest to god) KEEP OUT poster plastered on my door since I didn't have a lock on it. Owen didn't leave his room for days, afraid of what Maddy recognized in him. I didn't go on dates and kept my chest binder shoved to the bottom of my bookbag while wearing dresses that could've come from a how-to-be the perfect 50s housewife manual. Owen didn't leave his bed for days, afraid of Maddy touching his neck and Isabel's dress. I also watched Riverdale with the kind of zeal you see in a Pentecostal who has found God and started speaking in tongues to let you know it. I own a button that says, "Don't Make Me Go Dark Betty On You," I cherish it in a way that is only achieved by knowing exactly how corny and trite it is and then moving straight past that because well actually, and most people wouldn't get this, she's holding back something deeply dark and wild and- and disgusting. something painful yet intrinsically her. but i get it, obviously. or maybe not obviously! hopefully not obviously, but- basically, I'm just saying I get it: the experience of reflection and recognition through the other and all that.

Whatever, the point is that this movie is one big glaring trans allegory about how it sucks dog shit to live in the suburbs, and even at our most repressed we find these little snow globes of actualization in the glow of a tv screen that isn't afraid to show you the world you see. I've seen some people say that, like, in this context accepting or coming into your transness is this monumental death of self, which I get, but I feel there lacks a nuance in that because either way Owen is dying. Unlike Maddy who buries herself alive only to come out renewed, Owen doesn't kill himself upon facing the reality that the world is constructed to keep him miserable and the only way out is to take back what it is that the world wants to keep scooped out of him. Instead he just passively lets it drag him to a much more permanent death. This lack of suicide sucks in the kind of way that forces you to sit in your car on the midnight drive home and think to yourself am I letting myself suffocate because at some point knowing the misery became less scary than admitting I've been capable of doing something about it the whole time?

Clearly, I’ve been enchanted by the film’s narrative and meta-textual language. If you're familiar with it, you can see how Schoenbrun built this movie like a long-form dream episode of a canceled teen show filmed in Vancouver. Lynchian? Yeah, sure. Riverdalesque? THIS we cannot possibly deny. Schoenbrun said they included Amber Benson as an act of healing the inner rage experienced at Tara’s death in Buffy. This is a Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa ending Riverdale with a bisexual polycule after his gay Archie play got ceased-and-desisted type move. There’s probably more I could say about the soundtrack and the visuals, but I’ve hit over 1k words on this, so I’ll leave it at I enjoyed this movie a lot. :)

Maddy is an out lesbian who left town to escape the misery and found it strapped to her ankles. She slinks out, an animal pressed against the gymnasium floor, and says "I'm not telling you anything you don't already know." Owen looks into the camera and narrates. He cuts himself open with a box cutter, fully acknowledges what's there, and the movie ends with his suffocating apology parade for the unremarkable inconvenience of his excruciating suffering. You can be gay and trans, you can know it and you can stop repressing it, but you're not going to stop suffocating until you can find a way to destroy the part of you that truly deeply does want to die, reaching for the comforting euthanasia of normalcy. Stop visiting the dream of the life you want and make it into your reality with the same kind of unrepentant conviction seen in some underfunded but wildly ambitious teen television series. In other words: you must try to survive the ego death of being weird. A weirdo, who doesn't fit in and doesn't want to fit in!

[5eraphim]

Freaky Deaky Sneaky (TEASER)

(Red!Scout x Blu!Reader x Red!Sniper)

(Context: This is the unofficial sequel to The Bunny Under the Bridge, not much of a plot to speak of, but Reader has snuck onto Red base after hours to meet up again with Scout for practice. It's not long until hearing a Red Engineer in the distance scares Reader who runs and hides, accidentally finding the Red Sniper along the way, learning he saw everything that went down during the match Reader and Scout met)

This is sort of like "story's second act" but I haven't posted actual writing here in ages and i wanted to post at least this much.

Rating: M (MINORS DNI)

Content Warnings: yandere, x reader, exploitation, sex-bargaining, blackmail, smut, mild humiliation

Word Count: 1.7k

MASTER LIST

"Sniper!?" His name came out in a gasp, louder than you intended. His bony, sullen face watched you, obscured by shadows, making him look almost ghoulish, a sight that made your skin crawl. Goosebumps prickled under your heavy white coat and across the back of your neck and forearms as you instinctively clamped a hand over your mouth, craning your neck to look over your shoulder at the door behind you, half-expecting the Red Engineer to be right behind. But from the sound of it, Engie hadn't noticed you, nor were there any other Red mercenaries close by, all but the Sniper, that is.

After another moment of painful silence, you strained your eyes to glimpse Sniper out of the corner of your eye. Sniper hadn't moved from his camping chair. You weren't sure if you found his motionless calmness assuring or disquieting. "Sniper, what are you doing here so late?" 

He raised an eyebrow, looking at you incredulously, "What am I doing here?"

Your lips parted to say something to your defense, but your mind went blank, and no words came.

After an awkward pause, Sniper mumbled, "Van's getting weatherized. I had to find somewhere else to crash. I can't sleep around the other guys; there's too much bloody noise."

"I'll leave you to it." Whirling around to make an escape, you tried to dart for the door but stopped dead when you heard Sniper say, "In an awful rush to get goin', aren't ya? Looking for another snog with the little bunny-boy?"

You felt your stomach flop and your mouth go dry, "You saw...?" Your heart raced, but Sniper didn't say anything back, watching with satisfaction as you put the pieces together. He must've been hiding around the bridge before you brought Scout there, and it made all too much sense he wouldn't intervene; situations like that don't just happen every day around here. "You mean you saw… everything?" You hardly recognized the sound of your own voice, so frail and weak. All the shame you tried to repress rushed back at once, forcing you to remember exactly what went down between you and the Red Scout during your first match.

Hugging your arms around yourself to ease your shivering, you stared at Sniper, feeling like a bug in a spider's web. Sure, you were overcome by shame, but something about the way he looked at you, knowing he knew what you knew— that he saw what you did— made your face and body heat up uncomfortably. 

"You were watching us?" Hearing those words come out of your mouth felt so dirty. After what happened between you and Scout, your shame had you avoiding him like the plague, but even then, you couldn't ignore the thrill of it all. The thrill of getting away with something so vulgar brought back sensory memories. The phantom-sensation of his cock pressing against the back of your throat, the way you felt the slight bend of his shaft in your mouth, and how you could taste and feel how he throbbed and dribbled precome against your tongue. His hands fisting your hair, and the way he moaned as he came. You knew it was wrong, downright treasonous- but God, the feeling of getting away with it turned you on, but paradoxically, now that you knew you were caught in the act, it felt even hotter. In a morbid and humiliating way.

Sniper shrugged. "Nuthin' personal, it's always best to go for you Medics. Just how it is, mate."

You nervously scratched at the back of your neck, still summoning tremendous effort to speak. "But I don't understand—you say you saw everything and clearly did. Why the hell didn't you take the shot while you had the chance?"

Sniper couldn't help but snicker a little under his breath: "What can I say? You're easy on the eyes; you gave a good show. It would've been a shame to end it all so soon." 

"Hold on, do mean you were…" Your voice trailed off, for some reason too sheepish to ask Sniper outright if he was touching himself watching you go down on Scout.

Sniper knew what you meant, even if you weren't strong enough to say exactly what was on your mind. "Can ya blame me?"

While your outright fear of being spotted by the enemy sneaking around on his base had slightly worn off, your anxiety had only grown. You hardly knew the guy, but Sniper always gave a 'sleazy' air about him. Learning he was a voyeur wasn't much of a surprise; you just wish you didn't have to find out this way. 

If you tried to dart out of the room, you'd be instantly spotted, assuming Sniper didn't get to you first. Sheepishly, you inched closer to the wall beside you to put a bit more distance between you, never letting him out of your sight once. "Alright, I get why you didn't kill me then, but why not now?" It was his shed, after all; you knew he had a kukri or bow and arrow stashed somewhere to defend himself with. 

Resting his elbows on his knees, Sniper leaned forward in his seat, resting his chin in his palm as he responded with a wolf-like grin: " It would be a shame to let you go now. Only got to watch for a minute, but bloody hell, I can't get that image of you on your knees out of my head."

You had a bad feeling it would come down to something like this. Once again degrading yourself and allowing a Red mercenary to have his way with your body in exchange for not killing you outright. Was this all you would ever come to?

Pressing your back a little harder against the wall, you lowered your head slightly, glaring at him as though a baby Medic like you had a chance of intimidating the likes of him. "If anyone finds us, they'll kill us both. C'mon, you know it's not worth it!" 

Sniper paused to consider this momentarily, tilting his head a little in mock-deep thought, "They won't kill us both. Sure, they'll hate me- but when your team finds out, they're gonna tear you apart. Assumin' the Red team won't get to ya first."

Fighting the urge to cower in fear, you responded with meek hostility, "Maybe so. But I'd take them over you any day."

Bad move. While your resilience was cute before, Sniper's patience was beginning to wear thin. The corners of his lips twisted down as he bore his teeth, snarling at you as he got to his feet. "Be good, stay hidden, and I'll get you home faster than the twitchy little freak. Sound good?"

He was coming closer, but you knew better than to try and get away now. Hearing him order you to obey like that gave you a stir, and you prayed he couldn't tell how turned on you were.

"How am I supposed to trust you'll take me home after this?" Now close enough to press a forearm on the wall inches away from your head, leaning in close enough for you to feel his breath fanning against your face and neck. 

"Like you said, we're dead if we're found. But right now, no one but me gets to touch you."

With his free hand, Sniper cupped the bottom of your head, running his callous-hardened fingers against your cheek and chin. Your eyes were squeezed shut, but you shuddered, feeling his skin against yours, knowing how close and defenseless you were before your enemy.

"Watchin' the show's nice and all. But God, I've been waitin' for the chance to feel you up myself. You're so much softer up close."

You didn't resist or flinch when you felt Sniper leaning close enough for his lips to brush against you. "Now let me feel that soft mouth myself."

A beat later, you felt Sniper open-mouth kissing against your lips, letting him suck against your lips, dip his tongue into your mouth, and hum with contentment mixing his saliva with yours. While you were a bit too stunned to properly return the affection, you felt his hold on your chin force your face harder against his, deepening the kiss.

He must've been pretty touch starved because you'd never felt such a hungry, needy kiss before. It didn't take long for his hands to latch onto your body, roughly palming you up over your clothes while his mouth was still connected to yours as he pushed you hard enough against the wall to make the air rush from your lungs.

You knew what came next, and the fear keeping you from doing exactly that made you feel light-headed and a little tingly. The tingles intensified into a steady buzziness deep in your gut as Sniper tore his lips from your mouth to the side of your neck, dragging his sharp teeth against the thin skin, sucking in between bites, slathering saliva against your skin. The back of your head crushed against the wall behind you as your head tried to roll back even further and allow him even more space to nip at. Sniper pawed against your tie for a second but was too distracted to undo it himself. Regaining control of your own hands, you managed to undo the knot, pulling the strip of fabric away as his hands were back on the collar of your shirt, popping the buttons, desperate to free your uniform from your body. 

Sniper was so needy to feel you up he didn't bother shedding his own clothes, preferring to madly pull yours off first. He was a man obsessed; all he could think about was how hot it was watching you go down and degrade yourself like you did with Scout and how he replayed that memory over and over in his head, imagining your body against his. Now that you were finally here, Sniper couldn't wait any longer to fulfill his horny fantasies.

[doink-boink]

Quick little silly concept for a Zaviva 'fanchild', in quotations because uh, she isn't really a human child lol. I don't have a name for her right now, so suggestions are VERY WELCOME PLEASE PLEASE PL-

Check under the cut for further extensive rambling <3

OKAY!

So you might be asking "Joss!! Why is she a Zachbot and not a real human child???" And to that I say: I don't really think these two would have real children lol

It's like that opening scene from the movie Robots where they build their child. For my specific interpretations of Zach and Aviva, since they're T4T and I like to project into these fellows, I uhm! Don't really think Zach would enjoy being "the bearer of the curse" (referring to pregnancy)

Previous wording is a joke lol, but!! I do think it would be an accurate characterization for this failwife of a man that I resonate with

ANYWAYS, onto this girl herself!! Personality wise, I feel like she'd be similar to Creepie from Growing up Creepie! Which funnily enough shares a voice with Aviva. Feel as though she'd share that love for animals, but specifically regarding bugs and other... More morbid or macabre things lol

Think Wednesday Addams or Mandy from The Grim Adventures but more lively. Still very monotone though! It's that Zachbot in her, so she struggles to comprehend sarcasm or turns of phase. Mayhaps also an inherent Zach autism thing!

As of right now, I don't think she aligns with either the 'mommas girl' or daddy's girl' archetypes - she just kind of likes them both equally methinks Though, she definitely takes a lot after Aviva, both in general appearance and interests

I'd say that a lot of the time the crew and both Zach and Aviva forget that she's not a human in certain situations. Nothing major! I mean, normal Zachbots can withstand water and not short circuit lol so nothing that is DEADLY - just like. "Oh I forgot you have super strength" kinds of things

Random thoughts:

- No way she doesn't love Warrior Cats. I've never read it, know nothing about it, but she'd be roleplaying as a cat in a clan. Forcing anyone she can into it lol, with use of the Creature Power Suits or not

- ON THAT TOPIC, she would probably be fascinated with the CPS. No idea if she has the ability to use them or not. Can Zachbots use them? Who knows!

- She probably doesn't interact/mesh well with human children- Typical autism archetype, but I feel as though kids would recognize immediately that she's different. Maybe not BULLY HER, that's a bit much, but some sort of weird looks or treading lightly around her.

- She's like a typical early 2010s "weird emo kid". Maybe she uses site like MySpace? Is she allowed online? Probably not! Uh knowing yknow, the unlimited knowledge that could be horribly dangerous for a child let alone an android to have access to

Okay I have run out of thoughts FOR NOW..... If any of you have any ideas on what her name should be don't be afraid to share!! I have no idea what to do in that area lol. All that I know is that Aviva would insist that she'd have the last name Varmitech. (Off topic but as mentioned previously regarding 'I don't think these fellows would have a real child!' I also don't really think they'd get married, but that is subject to change if I think about it too much lol)

[novankenn]

"Jaune Gets A Gun AU - Day 2" Detention's Aftermath...

Inspired by @howlingday's RU-JA-GUN-CON

Jaune and his companions dragged themselves into the two quarter's full cafeteria, and by muscle memory alone made their way to JNPR's & RWBY's customary table. Jaune, Ruby and Pyrrha slid into their traditional seats, while Emerald, Tiny Tina and Jinx stayed standing. Trying to figure out where they should also take a seat.

Yang: You guys look like sh...!

Nora: Rennie!

Ren: On it.

With a metal against glass clink, and a heavy thud, a special bottle lands on the table before Yang.

Yang: (Deadpans) Seriously?

Nora: Yep. Now pay up you hooligan.

Ruby: Jaune?

Jaune: Yes?

Ruby: Do we...?

Jaune: Nah, free pass for today... considering. (Looks up at those who are still standing) Just grab a seat, no need to keep standing. We'll make room.

Emerald nods and starts to take a seat near Ruby, the one member of RWBY she actually kind of likes being around, only to hear her name being called.

Emerald: Cinder?

Cinder: (Storming over.) Where have you been? We have things to go over!

Emerald: (Stammering) Sorry, I was at the gun show, and...

Cinder: Unacceptable! You will come with me at once!

Jaune: No.

Cinder: What? Excuse me?

Jaune: I said no. She's going to sit and have something to eat, first. She's had a long day, as we all have...

Cinder: like I care...

Jaune: IF you were an actual competent team-leader, you would understand... which apparently you're not.

Five out of the eleven seated/standing about the table felt their hearts thumping erratically, the other five just watched dumbstruck as Jaune dressed down a fellow leader.

Emerald: It's okay, I'll...

Jaune: Emerald, you're getting something to eat before anything else. Now you (looks at Cinder) are welcome to sit with us while she has some supper... or you can bugger off, and she'll meet up with you once she's had her fill. Your choice.

Cinder: (Glaring) You...

Jaune: (Never once flinching or breaking eye contact) Your choice...

With a huff and a snort, Cinder whirled about and stalked off.

Emerald: (Whispering) Thank you.

Blake: Well, that was... something. So who are?

Jaune: Oh, sorry! Introductions.

Weiss: You shouldn't have to be reminded to be polite, dolt. I thought you had more class than that, but I guess I was mistak...

Weiss stopped speaking, a creeping sense of doom crawling up her spine. A quick look about, she understood the source, or rather the five sources of that feeling.

Jaune: Anyway, This is Jinx and Tiny Tina, their frie...

Tiny Tina: J-Baby's my King, and this Queen is getting some sugar tonight!

Jinx: He's my husband, as he promised years ago, so you can all...

Yang, Blake, Ren and Nora all looked about, and after seeing Ruby and Pyrrha nod their heads, the quartet all reached forward and put some lien into the swear jar. Weiss for her part just looked baffled.

????: OW, that HURTS!

????: (Laughing cruelly) Told you these were real!

Jaune: (Recognizing that look in Jinx and Tin'as eyes) Guys, don't!

Tiny Tina: (giggling) Time to shank some bitches!

Jinx: (cackling) Whatever, let's just start shooting!

Jaune: PLEASE don't...

Screams and chaos erupted as Tiny Tina and Junix whirled around and opened up on the far side of the cafeteria. RWBY, JNPR and Emerald all watched as CRDL's entire table dove for cover. Juane slumped in his seat, totally defeated, as the remainder of his friends watched the spreading anarchy with morbid fascination.

Glynda: What is the MEANING OF THIS?

The action came to an instant stand still, or at least attempted to as Russel tried to make a break for it, only to hear a beep under his foot.

Tiny Tina: (cackling) Don't move.

Glynda: (Pointing at Jinx and Tint) Explanations! Now!

Jinx: Duh, they're bullies, so that's like an instant free pass, and besides... I'm crazy! Got a doctor's note.

Glynda reached up and pinched the bridge of her nose. She knew the headaches from today weren't over yet.

Glynda: Mr Arc!

Jaune: Yes, professor?

Glynda: Your associates have a detention for tomorrow, make sure...

An explosion followed by a shower a debris cut her off. Glynda instantly turned her glare towards Tiny Tina.

Tiny Tina: (chuckling nervously) He moved?

Glynda: As I was saying. Mr Arc, you will make SURE your two associates show up for detention starting tomorrow, and for the next three days. Do I make myself clear?

Jaune: Yes, professor.

Glynda: (eyeing Jinx and Tiny, who fidget nervously) Three days of detention, starting tomorrow... understood?

Tiny Tina/Jinx: Yes.

Glynda: This is the end of this foolishness tonight, correct?

Tiny Tina/Jinx: Yes.

Glynda: Good.

Glynda turns about, waving her riding crop to clear up the mess created by the impromptu skirmish, before scooping all four members of the no incapacitated team CRDL and floating them out the door.

Blake: (partially hiding behind her book) Um, question?

Pyrrha: yes, Blake.

Blake: Um... where are they going to sleep?

Ruby, Pyrrha, Emerald and Jaune's shoulders dropped and a look of utter despair crossed their faces.

Nora: They can have my bed! I'll share with Rennie!

Ren: Wait, I never...

Nora: BOOP! (Pokes the tip of Ren's nose) Settled. Problem solved.

Jinx: (Looks at Tina) I'm okay with that.

Tiny Tina: (Looks at Jinx) Are you a blanket hog? I hate blanket hogs.

(SO this is the final instalment of Day 2. I have some other projects that need attention on FF.net and A03, so there might be a little pause before Day 3 starts. Anyway, hope you enjoyed.)

[capribornio]

This is going to be disorganized as fuck, I don't actually have a point, but I just rewatched MPN Story Mode and I'm going crazy, so I'm going to word vomit on this post

Ok so we all know the meeting scene between Jeb, Doc & Hank, right?

Fantastic scene, go watch it if you haven't (and if you did, rewatch it. It's just great). Anyway.

So, one thing from that is that we get this

So, ghoulish huh? A quick search on Merriam Webster tells me:

1: : a legendary evil being that robs graves and feeds on corpses

2: one suggestive of a ghoul

especially : one who shows morbid interest in things considered shocking or repulsive

Which... interesting. Of course, we already knew this, didn't we? After all, we had Krinkels' poster:

Bit hard to see, but right under NOT A DOCTOR, where I marked it, says: MORE OF A GHOUL

So that's curious, right? But, well, nothing too out of the ordinary. I mean, ofc Doc would have morbid interests, absolutely nothing surprising in Nevada.

EX - FUCKING - CEPT

You see, usually in the stage before a flashback cutscene, we have something slightly leading up to it. Hofnarr notes before a Hofnarr flashback, meeting Jeb before a Jeb flashback, etc. You get the point.

...But the stage right before this is The Last Leg, a Deimos & Sanford stage. Now, the other stages before this one did have plenty of Christoff's back and forth notes against Dr Crackpot. ...But there's none in this chapter. In fact, the only not-S&D main character is Tricky, who is notably absent from the flashback.

And here's where it gets weird.

Because The Last Leg is only focused on introducing robot enemies. The only note we have is from an employee, complaining about the things turning against them:

They are specifically complaining about insolvents:

(From the Merriam-Webster site again)

1

a: unable to pay debts as they fall due in the usual course of business

b: having liabilities in excess of a reasonable market value of assets held

2

: insufficient to pay all debts

(Bolding mine)

What it is to say, they are more dangerous than they are useful.

Alright, but what does this have to do with the flashback?

Well you see, The Last Leg has a boss fight. Against something, very, very interesting:

VERY interesting design, isn't is? Red eyes, fucked up mouth, a black mohawk...

Ok, ok, but surely I'm reaching. I mean, what could this thing have in connection with Doc at all?

...Oh.

Yep. This enemy shares design, as well as a ghoulish connection to 2BDamned.

In fact, in concepts designs (from the wiki):

Earlier concepts of the Ghoul depict it as a feral Mag zombie, and then later on a quadrupedal Mag unit with cybernetic augmentations. Early concept images assigned him the subclass of "Carrion Eater"[1]. This, combined with how early concept artwork of it depicts it holding a corpse with it's head eaten, implied that it would have eaten corpses in the middle of battle.

And sure enough, it's the first definition of ghoul.

All of this? Means the connection to the flashback wasn't neither Jeb nor Hank. It was Doc.

So. What the fuck does this mean? Well, first of all, fuck me if I know. This is the bare facts, and I hope anyone besides me can gather anything from this, because I'm stumped.

...Sort of.

You see, I have another connection to make. This one, I recognize I might be reaching (but then, maybe I'm not?) (Idk man)

After all, as we come to find out from Arena Mode, Doc is very much meddling in the godly affairs of Nevada.

And, well. Those are Nevada's gods. The Maker, who's Doc benefactor, and...

The Machine.

And now, I'd like to point out your attention to the fact that, while I called the enemies in The Last Leg robots, the only way they're called in game is...

(From the Insolvents log)

And the only other time (as far as I remember, correct me if I'm wrong) we fight waves of robots, and the final boss is a giant robot is...

(also, notice the Grand Steward has a grunt-like face with its faceplates closed off)

...when we meet The Machine itself.

So. Once again, what the fuck does this mean?

Ultimately, I just don't know, really. But I have a very strong feeling there is something very, very important we don't truly know about Doc's connection to the Machine.

[inkrabbit]

Just some Mary hcs when they're sketching/painting while I slowly work on this discussion post-

Mary stays in shrimp position

They've tried sitting up straight or even laying back in bed, but hunched over his sketchbook or canvas just works better

He does own an easel, but that's mainly for the larger canvases

Yes, this idiot will still occasionally put the larger canvas on the floor and hunch over it

You can yell at them all you want to stop. It's not going to work

Contrary to popular belief, Mary actually listens to different music when he's painting or sketching

What's different music? Something slow with a chill beat. They'll even listen to some old romantic songs. Only You by The Platters is one of their favorites to start working with

If you notice Mary working too much on paintings (sacrificing sleep and meals) or even too little on them (having not touched a single painting in a month or more) please ask them if something is wrong. These are normally "warning" signs that something is wrong mentally, which can normally be stress or another episode of deep depression

On the very rare occasion, Mary working too much on his paintings can mean that he's neglected his schizophrenia medication due to forgetfulness. When this happens, their paranoia kicks in full force and they'll be too scared to even sleep. There isn't a way to "break" this. The most you can do is remind them to take their medication and be there for them (preferably in person and to spend a few nights in their apartment, but he understands if you're too busy to visit)

Sometimes Mary's sketches can be... a little out there

This shouldn't be a surprise because of the lyrics to their songs, but you should always be weary when you peek inside their sketchbook

Is it going to be scenery? Portraits? A portrait study of a dead body they dug up the other night? No one knows! Good luck.

I promise most of the sketches weren't for Mary to get his rocks off later

He actually has a morbid fascination with death because it was never talked about when they were growing up. His parents always shot down any "What happens when we die?" question from him and his siblings

Well Mary is now a grown adult that gets to see what exactly happens. And you know what? They love it. They love the circle of life, seeing what the person was buried in and what was buried with them

Mary never steals, though. He'll look through everything, and he even spent the night reading some Edgar Allan Poe when he saw the book tucked beside the corpse

But every time they're done, bored, or it's getting to almost be daylight, Mary will put everything back inside the casket and bury it neatly so it looks like no one was ever there

Sometimes Mary's sketches will reflect what they found. Books, jewelry, stuffed animals, wilted and dead flowers. At the bottom of the page, you'll find the name of the person that was inside the casket, along with the birth and death year

None of these sketches will ever make it to canvas. This is Mary's own personal outing and they don't feel the need to transfer something so personal onto canvas

What does Mary do with all of these paintings?

He sells them. Normally online, but if you've managed to drag them out to an art convention, he'll bring along several canvases

You always tell them they should charge more for their work, but Mary will just say it's not that big of a deal

Really, they're just happy someone loves their artwork and is willing to pay money so they can hang it in their home

Plus, some of the people recognize him and will gush about his music as well. These people get paintings for a little cheaper

Why?

"I feel like they've spent enough either coming to see our shows or buying our shit. I can afford to not make ten or twenty dollars."

[the-everqueen]

Going with a Hannibal theme for this one 👀

001: 5 favorite ships (canon or non-canon)

002: Hannigram - Things you look for in fics

003: Beverly Katz

5 favorite ships katz and dogs - i feel like not enough people recognize how much Will clearly trusts Bev (he calls her when he finds Georgia, he asks her to look into Hannibal while he's in prison). she's the only person who seems to clock that he's Not Okay in s1 and who also tries to reach out to him on "neutral" territory (giving him shooting advice, engaging in morbid jokes, telling him to talk to her if things get to be too much). she doesn't infantilize him (Jack, Alana) or treat him as a curio (Hannibal). he's not a means to an end for her, he's a person. meanwhile Will doesn't treat her with the same rudeness he gives Zeller; again, he trusts her insights and reaches back to her. also can we all notice that he doesn't do the mirroring thing with her?? i feel like it's big when Will doesn't default to either of his masking personas (rude, aloof professor or empath who reflects you back to yourself).

will/molly - in part because i have huge affection for red dragon even as i acknowledge all the ways it's Bad. but i dislike when fandom acts like Will's entire marriage to Molly was a lie. or like Molly is either Too Badass for Will or Too Soft for him. she trusted him enough to make him part of her life, they stayed together for years, they adopted more dogs together. she speaks his language! meanwhile i think it's a rather...unfair assessment of Will to act like he's only using Molly as this clutch for normalcy. he KNOWS he's never going to be "normal," he could have closed himself off utterly after the entire Verger arc. but he found someone he could trust in Molly, which tells us a lot about her even if the show doesn't really explore her as a character. (i think their conversations in the book and the ways that Will "finds" pieces of her in the mundane aspects of his work are evidence of a loving relationship.)

abigail hobbs/freddie lounds - i haven't found, like, a fic that explores what i'd want out of this, but the gist is that Abigail gets treated as a child in a lot of ways, which i think is unfair to her. yes, she is barely a legal adult. yes, she is naive and sheltered. but also she has keen survival instincts and she recognizes the meta-level operations of Bryan Fuller's Hannibal, i.e. it's about the story that you're telling. Abigail as a ghost in the machine, Freddie as the "vessel" that gives her coherence and meaning both in relation to her dad and separate from Hannibal. they're using each other! it's toxic! but also Freddie is the only person who really treats Abigail as an adult. (plus you KNOW Abigail has some like, repressed queer feelings. she ate and honored ALL those girls she helped murder.)

will/hannibal - like. it's the arc of the show Fuller created. i have eyes.

...are there five ships i like in Hannibal? huh. i don't actually LIKE alana/margot in the Fullerverse, because it erases the butch masc aspect of book!Margot, which i think is so, so important in talking about Margot's queerness AND her abuse (she turns to bodybuilding as a means of defense, she ID's as butch and it's an intentional refusal of the girl her parents wanted her to be, as well as the "girl" she was). no one has sold me on bev/freddie yet, because Bev obviously hates Freddie and so much wlw content in the fandom tends to be "gentle soft femmes." idk. alana/will has potential but only if it's ALSO fucked up, because Will relies on Alana as a defense and Alana only ever sees Will as fundamentally broken.

things you look for in fics - hannigram it's been a second since i obsessively combed through the hannibal ao3 tag for fics. i can't do "soft" murder husbands content. i dislike fics where Hannibal gives Will positive language to define himself, because i think it's fundamentally ooc. Hannibal wants Will to be what Hannibal wants, which also happens to be a part of himself that Will actively represses (as opposed to accepting/working through/etc). their relationship is obsessive, it's manipulative, it has a body count.

unrelated to that but important to me: i have a low tolerance for uninterrogated misogyny in fics. both the Harris and the Fuller texts are full of sexist approaches to women, and it sometimes feels like the fandom (even years later, at a remove from when the show was premiering) dials that up to eleven without a second thought. so i'm hyper-critical of fics that position the women characters in the virgin/madonna/whore triad.

give me a character - beverly katz how i feel about this character: defensive, lmao. she's so interesting! the only woman in team sassy science AND she's a woman of color. non-whiteness is, uh, a super fraught position in the fullerverse, esp. hannibal. the fandom treated her like shit, Fuller arguably treated her like shit, justice for Bev Katz.

all the people i ship romantically with this character: will/bev has a soft spot in my heart. will/molly/bev is one more people should think about. bev/margot could've been so so good. bev/miriam??

my non-romantic otp for this character: i've seen team sassy science posed as a triad, but truly i do not see Bev having a romantic thing for either Zeller or Pierce, though i think she's fond of them as coworkers and friends.

my unpopular opinion about this character: she's the most nuanced female character, and her murder was both unnecessary on a narrative level and gross as a treatment of a nonwhite woman's body.

one thing i wish would have happened in canon: that she didn't get murdered as a deus ex machina! Bev is one of the main characters and she gets killed off-screen and then turned into a plot device as though she never mattered. when i die, i will find bryan fuller and haunt his ass!

my otp/ot3: i guess katz and dogs IS the hill i will die on.

[lets-talk-spirituality]

Will you do tpwk analysis it's the most controversial one lol

Cleaning out some of my drafts because that’s the mood I’m in esta mañana! Is it controversial? Doesn’t feel that way to me!

Maybe we can, Find a place to feel good

And we can treat people with kindness, Find a place to feel good

This line always reminds me “there’s a place for us, somewhere a place for us” (someday from west side story). Maybe we can means he’s not sure if we can but he’s hopeful, wanting to find a place to feel good is important to him, implying he hasn’t found a place where he feels good and where people are treated with kindness

I got a good feeling, I'm just takin' it all in, Floating up and dreamin', Droppin' into the deep end

Got a good feeling implies some level of intuition or instinct, and that he’s just riding the waves as they come, dreaming (a big theme always) “she lives in day dreams with me” floating as in moving up towards the sky where sunflower is “hung up high in the gallery”

And if we're here long enough, They'll sing a song for us (ah-ah-ah-ah)

To me this is him saying to his person to stay here long enough, to hold on, to wait. There have been continual references to Harry and someone he’s connected to feeling immense pain and he’s saying if we hold on, things will improve, always encouraging them to hold on and things will get better “you can see the world, following the seasons everywhere you go”

And we'll belong

What he wants for himself and for his person, we’ll belong “we belong to light, we belong to each other” (we belong, pat benatar). Harry doesn’t feel like he and someone else belong, he doesn’t feel like he and a lot of people belong, but the use of the word will implies he thinks in the future that can change

Giving second chances, I don't need all the answers

He’s admitting that there are things he doesn’t know “there’s things we’ll never know” (fine line) but that he doesn’t need to know everything to feel good, he’s no longer “worried about where you are, or who you will go home to”

Feeling good in my skin, I just keep on dancin'

He’s saying he’s gonna just keep having as good a time as he can, “kids in the kitchen listen to dance hall” I think dancing represents freedom of play to him, I think he gets in touch with his inner child when he dances

And if we're here long enough, We'll see it's all for us

To me he’s saying to his person, look at it all, this world, this music, this story, the world is our oyster, this is all for us, all for you, if you hold out you’ll see things differently, maturing is a beautiful thing in the way your understanding grows and changes

And it's just another day (and it's just another day)

Even magical people have ordinary days

And if our friends all pass away (ah-ah, ah-ah)

This is morbid randomly out of the blue, but Harry has lost people to suicide in his life. Some maybe to drugs. He lost his stepdad. I think he’s dealt with a lot of loss and he’s had to just keep going.

It's okay (it's okay, it's okay, it's okay)

But it’s okay because we can just make it through this rough time

All we ever want is automatic all the time. All we ever want is auto all of the time

Harry has this theme of feeling robotic (satellite music video) but also “tea with cyborgs” a real disconnect from our own humanity, but he’s saying he recognizes how things take time sometimes. We aren’t robots, we’re humans and part of being human is not having all the answers and being patient, and hoping things get better, he’s letting go of a lot of his need for control

Ultimately I feel like this is a song trying to encourage people that it gets better and we can create the spaces, the homes we longed to have. I think this is a sentiment he has expressed in a few different songs.

[zerolune]

₊❏❜ ⋮ ⌒Chapter 5 - Shocking revelations, part 2

127 Missed calls- that's all you gotta know.

: ̗̀➛ Next , Masterlist

"Miyoung is that you?" Sungchan asked.

"No-"

"Yea it's you."

"Do you live here?" Wonmee asked.

"Would you believe me if I said that I was uh jealous of you guys debuting so I decided to stalk uh all of you to um...do something bad...so that uh- yea! I'm stalking y'all!" She turned around, proudly saying morbid stuff.

"So you live here." Seunghan concluded, not even Anton falling for her lie. "Fine, yes."

"But isn't this building only for SM trainees that will debut?" Gwen raised the question. "Um, yea, I guess, but when I was buying houses this one was the best and this one was recommended by my manager as well so-"

"You bought a house here? You must be rich!"

"Uh sure,"

"Which floor do you live on?" Wonmee asked. "15th."

"How have we not run into each other yet?" Gwen wondered. "Well, we have! I mean I've seen you around and we ran into each other today, remember that moving dustbin? That was me hiding behind." She disclosed. "So it wasn't a ghost! Pay up Gwen!" Wonmee rejoiced.

"One of these days, we will definitely encounter a ghost, we will." Gwen sighed while removing her wallet. Anton, however, spoke up, "Noona aren't you supposed to be rich? You're a famous model after all ? Why are you making gwenny pay?"

"Anton, a bet's a bet, no can do, also law school is hella expensive even with a scholarship," she cleared up. "Also what's with that nickname, gwenny?" She raised a brow, before Anton began hiding in his hood.

"Just to be clear, I never asked him to call me that, nor allowed him, he just called me that one day, very randomly," Gwendolyn cleared up.

"Way to go with that one sided crush Anton!" Seunghan cheered, hitting the younger's back jokingly. "Isn't a crush one sided on its own?" Gwen asked.

"Well yes? Unless you like him too?" Seunghan chuckled as Sungchan and Wonmee oohed.

"I don't like him." Gwen, very clearly said. And Anton's heart shattered into a billion pieces.

On the other hand, all Miyoung could think of was, "Who the hell called the lift on every floor? Why is it stopping every second?" (Poor Miyoung, caught up in the mess)

"I mean, I don't like him, but he's a good person, yes." Gwem further added. "I've seen people get friendzoned, but never personzoned, way to go Chanyoung!" Sungchan joked.

"Seriously when will the lift open on the 15th floor!" Miyoung grew even more impatient, however soon the lift did open and she ran off to her apartment as soon as possible. "Goodnight!" She bid the fastest farewell in history.

"She didn't even let us invite her..." Wonmee said sadly. "Is she a criminal on the loose or something?" Seunghan wondered.

"Oh fuck!" Sungchan yelled, staring at his phone. "What's wrong?" Seunghan asked, covering Anton's ears. "I have 15 missed calls from Shotaro hyung-"

"Well you're ducked." Anton cutely said. As a matter of fact, Anton spoke too soon as just after he rang the doorbell and the door opened an angry Shotaro took hold of him and shook him as he scolded, "DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PHONE CALLS I GAVE YOU?- YES TWENTY FREAKING 1 - WOULD YOU HAVE RESPONDED IF I GAVE YOU 127 MISSED CALLS?? DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED WE WERE? EUNSEOK ALMOST BURNT THE FRIED RICE-"

-

"Wait, so you mean all that happened, and Wonmee goes to SNU?" Sohee finally asked, as the group finished narrating the incident as they ate.

"You didn't have to tell them about SNU," The girl whispered to Seunghan while pinching his arm. "And Miyoung lives here? Wow- this day gave us many shocking revelations..." Wonbin sighed.

"But wait, how did people not recognize you Wonmee?" Shotaro asked. "Well, I mean I'm glad they didn't but usually people don't care much for models so that's great, that type of stuff only happens if I go to some really rich neighbourhood," she explained.

"Oh that makes sense."

"Oh, Gwen you're back, who called?" Eunryung asked the younger who came back to the table.

"Ms.Nam,"

"What'd she say?"

"I can't tell you,"

"Don't be so secretive now!"

"I'm not supposed to say,"

"Oh c'mon!"

-

SM building, few hours earlier.

"Oh yes, Mrs.Baek, I have made sure that Miyoung wouldn't be part of the debit lineup again, you should stay rest assured." The man smiled ear to ear as he was about to cut the call on his phone.

"Oh Mr.Kim, one second, I'll make sure to double your pay this time, so make sure that she also leaves SM, somehow, plagiarism? Something okay?" The voice spoke from the other side.

"Oh of course I can, framing a faceless composer for plagiarism- it's all pretty easy," he replied, cutting the call, returning to the meeting room.

Unbeknownst to the man, another individual happened to overhear the man's words, the woman had happened to be another person attending the meeting, and she knew that she had to do something.

"So, Mr.Kim, if you think that Miyoung isn't qualified enough, do you have anyone else in mind?"

"Oh of course, Lee Haneul, she has better visuals, a better personality- you know the cheery kind and she's better overall." He brought forward his point.

"What about her skills?" Ms.Nam raised the question, growing a little angry. "She's more than qualified." He replied.

"Who came last in the evaluations? Remind me again?" Ms.Nam protested. "Well it was Haneul, but it was only because-"

"Only because she isn't skilled enough, the girl needs to train more, she's barely ready. Miyoung on the other hand... is your jack of all trades, dance, vocals, visuals- natural by the way, not that it matters so much since for you only those trainees with rich parents are good enough." The woman crossed her arms, letting out the rant.

"I guess you accept bribes from them right?"

"Ms.Nam! How dare you?" The man screamed in fury, having to calmed down by the others. Soon after, the meeting followed, the people discussing their opinions about the group.

-

"Mr.Kim, wait, let me treat you to some drinks, I'm sorry for...Well...that accusation," Ms.Nam stopped the man, continuing to persuade him to accept the offer and eventually he did.

A mistake he never knew would be...catastrophic- from him at least.

"Oh yes, did I ever tell you about that Choi Miyoung? I don't have anything against her-" he slurred, alcohol muddling his system. "But, the amount of money her aunt gives to make sure she never debuts is so-so much- I did the same during the Aespa selection, ah the money!" He continued.

"Hmm, why does she do that?" Ms.Nam asked, glancing at her phone camera that perfectly recorded the conversation in the restaurant. "I don't-I don't k-know b-but," he paused, taking another sip of his drink.

"She wants me to remove her from SM or something, I was thinking to ask haneul to pretend she made most of the songs for the girl, in return, she would debut- but you know the best part?" Mr.Kim began laughing maniacally.

"HANEUL'S PARENTSARE GIVING ME MEONEYTO LET HER DEBUT!" He continued to slur, his words being all mixed by now.

"This asshole," Ms.Nam thought.

"I knew that-that, you know the autistic bitch right- the one you love or something," he began laughing again, not realising the angry expression on Ms.Nam's face. "Anyway that girl's dad is some really rich CEO, if only he gave me something, I wouldn't hate her so much," He chuckled loudly.

Before he knew it, Ms.Nam was leaving sending the videos to an influential figure, before making two calls:

1. To the influential figure

2. To Gwendolyn

"Gyuri," she said. "Yes, Ms.Nam," Gwendolyn replied, picking up her phone. "I have some good news...but don't tell this to everyone just yet...you know that stupid jerk that called you dumb?"

-

That was how, Ms.Nam became the hero of this story- in a way.

After sending the video to a higher up, she scheduled an enquiry against the corrupt executive. Ultimately it led to his expulsion, and with that, Miyoung Choi was finally made a member of the second mixed SM group- Riize.

Second you may ask? Well of course, the first one was NCT, after all...

[variant-archive]

i've been scrambling to find flags/terms relating to all types of adhd, the same way ive seen a ton of flags for different ocd types/subtypes, same for other disorders (npd, specific delusion types, etc) i feel like it'd be great for people to have flags they can use to specify theyre type! if you could help find something like that id absolutely love it... /not forced

As far as being recognized by psychologists and co., there's only the three subtypes (primarily hyperactive, primarily inattentive aka me, and combined). There's also cognitive disengagement syndrome (formerly sluggish cognitive tempo) which is another attention disorder but not exactly an ADHD subtype, more like a parallel disorder of attention. My OCD subtype flags have all been subtypes that are recognized by clinicians so far. They can be found on NOCD which is a treatment and info site for OCD. There are also clinically recognized subtypes for personality disorders and delusions which is probs what you've seen flags for (although I have seen some PD "archetype" terms/flags but I consider that different from a subtype and more of a way to express yourself than describe symptoms, totally valid though).

That being said I think creating unofficial subtypes of existing conditions is... probably fine? Definitely better than straight up MUDs (for those who haven't gone into radqueer rabbit holes out of morbid curiosity, that means people making up entirely new disorders without any basis in science or any research or anything). But subtypes of existing conditions isn't a thing people besides those in the field of practice are doing yet afaik. I've considered doing this for OCD myself because obsessions and compulsions can be about anything so any number of subtypes exist as long as someone experiences them. But subtypes of things like OCD and phobias are a lot more simple, straightforward, and inherently implied/included under the disorder than it would be for something like ADHD. I think it's probably fine but it would require more consideration than coining a gender or something and individuals should get input from others with the condition. And definitely don't coin subtypes for conditions you don't have (unless you're helping someone who does, I suppose). Trust me, I super super get the appeal especially for those who don't fit the "stereotype" their neurotype has bc that can feel alienating for sure (I actually think this is a core reason why folks feel the need to coin MUDs to describe their exact symptoms, with the other core reason being that people with symptoms unexplainable by any existing condition want a "reason" or "cause" to attribute them to when sometimes people just... have symptoms, on their own, not fitting any diagnosis). Just be careful and considerate, please!

[tiredspacedragon]

It's a shame because it's not like there isn't a place for those interests, they're just trying to express them in the wrong one.

Really, there's nothing inherently wrong with taking an interest in the history and details of military clothing, weaponry, combat technology and machinery, or tactics. All of those are very cool in their own way, if potentially rather morbid, and have value. In the right context, I'm sure it would be very interesting to listen to these guys go on about these topics that they're genuinely interested in, or at least pleasant to see them get excited if the subject matter isn't your thing.

The problem is that they themselves have the context wrong. They're trying to insert those topics into discussions of history, when they really belong in different categories. Costuming, engineering, strategy, these are entirely different fields. Fields that these guys could probably get into in a big way if they recognized that what they're really interested in is distinct from what most people mean when they say they're into history. But because they don't recognize it, (or perhaps do, but are unwilling to pursue further because costuming is for girls or engineering sounds hard or whatever) they end up trying to shoehorn their interests into discussions where they don't belong, and worse, may not even pursue those interests beyond a surface level, meaning not only do they disrupt perfectly good conversations, they do so with trivia instead of a topic they actually know well, and then act like this constitutes being an expert in not only the field of said trivia, but also history in general.

It's annoying for people who want to talk about the politics and art and people of history, and it's frustrating for everyone because the stuff these guys are into does have a place, but that place is not where they think it is. Like yes, please do tell me all about the kinds of bombers the british used. But also please listen to me when I tell you about the Athenian Senate, or the Enlightenment, or Impressionism. And please, please understand that we are talking about very different topics and your interests are not universal.

why are straight white guys so obsessed with world war 2

[ronjona]

Wounds have memories

On my quest to quench my curiosity regarding human body; the more time goes the more I am convinced that 'psychological' health and 'physical' health have so many similarities. These frightening amount of likeliness would leave even the most skeptics amongst us quizzical. So much resemblance as if opposite sides of a coin

Where in the body does our mind lie exactly? Is it in the amygdala that resides inside the human cranium, or is it the large aortic pump which 'hearts' on insta. Or is it in the hands which produce the saddest poem when we are in melancholy or is it in the eye which seeks art everywhere we look...as a form of escapism.

In my own delusional way I think our psyche lies in our entire body. How else do I explain sleeplessness, headache, tummy rumbles or numbness.

How else did i break down in the middle of the street one fine afternoon while walking because my heart was hurting so much that my legs couldn't carry on. How I dragged myself from the lane sat on the side-bench and how my repressed memory came onto surface. How did new wounds unveiled old wounds?

As little as we know about the human body and physiology, we even know 'littler' (yes that's a word, i am sticking by it) about our own psyche. Why we feel this sudden rush of melancholy, why this longing and the need for solitude at the same time. Why do we need to recoup in ourself to go back to our normal life with our loved ones. Why we are so desperate for love yet yearn for individuality. What does a soulmate really mean.

I don't remember people...i don't even remember what they said. Even if i don't forgive them, i do forget them. So i inevitably forgive them unconsciously. But it resurfaces when something of a similar feelings are threatened in another scenario. My senses recognize them and heightens up. Starts pulling up walls and keep people at an arms' length. As if a platoon of army has sealed the iron gate and prepared an elite force at the top to shoot with arrows from above - on anyone who comes close. And like a fine commander I have also instructed my fine soldiers of senses to kill our enemy mercilessly. Have absolute hatred in heart and no kindness while putting them away (pushing them away)

It is important to villainize, to move on from who have hurt you. Dehumanize them completely. As Alain De Botton says, 'Kill any remaining of hope yourself, if they didn't quite have the courage to do so themselves'

As the old saying goes, you would forget people and their words, but you'll never forget how they made you feel.

Just like our immune systems.

They remember and keep a copy everytime they fight off a new germ. And pass it down to the rest. How perplexing that is.

You have never resided within these walls, but these walls know you well. They have heard stories of you, they have seen your words lifting me up; filling me with false hopes...they have seen you being coward and stonewalling me. They have seen me heartbroken and bawling on my bed, they have seen me being motionless. still and absolutely numb and lying like a fucking corpse. They assumed i was as dead as they are. They have seen me shame eating to morbid obesity. They have seen me with guilt-ridden sleepless nights.

These walls know you, but I hope to God you never get to know these walls. They will spill the beans on how fragile I really was. How I have masqueraded in public giving award winning performances as a 'normal functioning non-broken human being'.

And they don't deserve to know you walls.

I have forgotten a lot, but my walls remember. I see the scratches on the wall, i see the dents, the greasy prints and the untouched portions pretending to carry out like everything is normal-the essential mundanes of life.

It has seen all of me. Even the parts I don't remember myself.

It sees me, for who i am with perfect clarity. It sees the good and ugly, the strength and vulnerabilities, the sensical and the non-sensical things, the kindness and rudeness, the best and worst, the compromise and the guilt and shame

Walls, do you love me for who I am? -Ri

06/10/24 03:52 AM

[bloodydhmer]

𝚃𝚠: 𝙺𝚒𝚍𝚗𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚐 🫡

E̶n̶j̶o̶y̶ y̶o̶u̶ l̶i̶l̶ e̶m̶o̶ s̶l̶t̶ 🥰

𝚆𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚃𝚊𝚒 𝚡 𝚃𝚘𝚋𝚢

It was on Valentines day, which basically felt like the Average Day for The Average Joe theirself, Tai. The quiet art kid who most kids were either intimidated by, Or Just liked to make Fun of Tai. Tai was used to it at this point though. Anyways Tai was sitting through another boring lecture by their English teacher while drawing and searching through the saltiest thing in their lunchbox To Tai's avail, before they had to get to their assignment the bell had rung. Tai shoved their things in their backpack, As they were on their way They saw a couple making out infront of eachother. Which made Tai cringe and just....keep walking.

"So much for it being fucking Valentines on a school day! Sometimes I'm reminded of how great full I am to be aromatic.."

Tai thought to theirself, Then had second thoughts...instead of making their way to their second period, They fled off campus, Tai didn't even know where the fuck they were going- what they were even running away from....They just decided to dissappear into the forest for...abit, in hopes nobody finds them

As Tai was walking along the faded trail all she felt she could do is just walk for miles untill she could barly see the school building it wasnt about how alone Tai was Tai didnt cae about that she'd rather get chopped by by a axe then date anyone here as she was walking sje stumbled upon a huge tree that had fallen on its side Tai climbed up onto the tree and she just sat on it admiring the woods this was her only safe place she had 10 extra minutes pass and Tai realized it was time for her to leave since school was out she didnt want her mom to question her so she jumpped off the tree stump and walked off as she was walking out of nowhere *CLING...CRACK* A thrown hatchet hit a redwood tree infront of Tai "Motherfuck..." Tai mumbled she looked back and *POW* The hatchet man hit her unconsious with a a big rock everything went into a void.

Tai slowly opened her eyes.... she couldn't speak...

She's in a place she does not recognize? she was still a little drowsy from being unconsious so it was hard for her to make any noises at all but she did think to herself "W-where the h-hell am I..!?" Tai wasn't so sure what she can dk about this she just noticed she could not move her arms and legs they were tied together hella tight so she couldn't escape she tried to find any way to get out of these skin itching ropes but nothing could budge Tai's eyes widen and she feoze as she heard the old woodened floor *Crreeck,,,creeeeek,,,creeeek* Someone was coming....Tai was scared for her life at this moment

She asked once again. . "Why did you kidnap me- Toby-" Toby just glared at her and his expression went soft "Because. . I need you" Tai's face turned into a shocked expression "What-? W-what do you mean-" Toby started to get iritated "Look-! I-I don't h-have time to a-a-answer your questions! So s-shut it!" Tai got quiet she was too scared to speak because she didnt want her head chopped off although she would want to die in the hands of Toby she thought about her best friend Ri and ignored the morbid thought. Toby sighed and placed his hands over his face showing a sense of stress "Uhhhh! You d-don't get it d-do you?" Toby snapped and pinned his arms against Tais toed up body "You need to be by my side...N-not here w-with these a-asswholes-!" Tai didnt react because she wasnt afraid thos was what she wanted she spoke softly "T..Toby...I want to be by your side" The enraged hatchetmen's expression softened .... "h-hm-?" He seemed confused to their consent to this "Yes, toby just release me and we can run far away...I hate this place... just get me away!" Tai's tone increased the room fell silent and they stared at eacother...Toby Untied Tai and extended his arm "Then let's go. ." And so they vanished Tai was nothing more than a missing person's report.

[iceunhie]

So, um, I don't have any brainrot because my brain is dead. But ever since the trailer, I CAN'T STOP SIMPING AT NEUVILLETTE OH MY GOD. AND THOSE VIDEOS WITH THE OTTERS TOO SHSJSJKSKM

Sorry. Haven't been able to throw up my love for him to anyone so, yeah.

For a request, maybe painter! reader who wants to paints him? I mean, he is too majestic to not have any paintings of him hanging somewhere.

Thank you, and lots of loveee. It's okay if you don't want to write this too

AFFALATUS.

summary: in which you, an aspiring painter in Fontaine finds your muse in the ever-steadfast Chief Justice, and what better way do you express such a fondness for the Chief Justice than to use your artistic skillset to capture him in all his glory? ah, and perhaps capture his heart on the way.

notes: neuvillette x GN!reader (implied fem due to Neuvillette's use of 'my lady' though). comedic(?) super fluffy (haha are you sure abt that?) reader shenanigans, misunderstandings and reader being a simp (like me) sap, neuvillette is a sweetheart and i may have gotten carried away help. she fell first he fell harder trope, dialogue focused and relationship development mostly. reblogs are greatly appreciated!

Sometimes, you think that had you not chosen to be an artist; a painter, to be specific, you would certainly do well as a Bard, or a writer. The sheer amount of poems and song you could conjure up in your head detailing the fine traits and qualities of such a finely procured man such as Neuvillette would certainly make you someone of great renown, as you could prescribe and go on and on about his person. Would you be displayed at the Palais Mermonia, perhaps? As a fine appreciator for the Chief Justice's conduct?

Haha, your foot. Fontaine would sink itself under the waters before you would be recognized, much less acknowledged. Such was the pain of being but an ordinary person, getting by the day slowly but surely.

Artists all look for their muse. Whether be in in music, the nuances of literary work, or in your chosen profession, the art of color, the art of capturing life at its most raw form through the canvas. painting. It just so happens that your current muse happens to be the wonderful, all knowing, and breathtakingly striking Monsieur Neuvillette.

Which is what led you to your current conundrum. How would you be able to capture his image? Sure, there were official shots of the Chief Justice, but you would never be satisfied with that. The real deal is always the best reference. (you don't want to admit it, but you know you could easily paint him with but a few pictures as a reference point. you simply wanted to see him up close, says that shameless heart of yours.)

Monsieur Neuvillette was a very, very busy man. Simply garnering an audience with him would cause much of your yearly savings and the sparsity of your visit would never let you finish that painting of his image truly capturing his allure. But you were never one to give up once you've set your sights on something, though.

...Which, unfortunately, leads you into more trouble than it's worth.

Your face burned in embarrassment as the Chief Justice himself scoured through your paintings and sketches personally, humming absentmindedly in between them, calmly sitting with you in his very quarters at the Palais Mermonia. You didn't expect that Monsieur Neuvillette would be so perceptive, as he immediately noticed you following him (if only to document his actions and sketch him) and for him to personally interrogate you about your actions. Well, it didn't matter anymore, so might as well fess up, right? The last thing you would want is for your dearly beloved muse to think you were some sort of deranged stalker, and you end up with some sort of crime....

While the morbid curiosity of seeing what he was like in an official trial was tempting, you pushed that thought away as you began to sputter out your words.

"Please forgive me for my disrespectful actions, Chief Justice! I swear, I had no malicious intentions at all...!"

you immediately spill out the words, a thousand apologies ready to spill itself out your mouth. to your great surprise and relief, the Chief Justice simply shakes his head, as he puts down your sketches of him.

"Please, it's no offense at all. If anything, I am flattered that I am a subject to most of your impressive works, my lady. your talent is remarkable."

"...Pardon?" you look at him, disbelief coloring your face. this was unexpected.

"You actually... think that my work is, is good?"

The man next to you nods, his face not betraying a single emotion. Goodness, you could almost faint. He was even more beautiful up-close. Such sharp eyes, and such unique patterns... ahem.

"If you wished to capture me as a work for your latest masterpiece, my lady, you must at least inform me, or schedule an appointment with me. I would be more than happy to oblige."

"But I don't have the Mora, Chief Justice..."

"Ah. That can be arranged."

You thank the Hydro Archon for Monsieur Neuvillette's kindness. To think that he personally arranged a meeting for you to sketch him and bring your dreams of capturing him in a portrait come true...

Oh, you shall put all of your modus operandi into this piece, now that your spark has been lit. This is a debt you will definitely not forget, and you hope that your portrait can repay that.

And so, for over the next few months, you would arrive at the Palais Mermonia with a specially curated trinket (personally handed to you by Neuvillette) to show to the Melusine Sedene to access a personal audience with the Chief Justice. For the first few weeks, you're besought with joy at the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

You would sketch and accompany Neuvillette as he would do his business. When asked by him as to why you did this, when you were simply capturing his image, he said, you sent him a mortified look, before you explained.

"Art is not just simply putting what you see on a canvas, Monsieur. It is observing, emulating, and envisioning the subject and using that as a way to bring life and meaning to a canvas. It is the very expression of the soul, a longing to etch what the artist thinks is beautiful to a permanent surface...! Ah."

"So you believe that I am such a subject?"

You look sheepish, as you had begun to ramble and reveal your fondness for him.

"Forgive my insolence, Chief Justice. My talk of the arts may not suit your fancy or disinterest you..."

"Neuvilette."

"Yes?"

"...I do not mind you wishing to converse with me. As I shall see you more for the next months as you bring your work to life, as you say, addressing me not by my title is mandatory. I would prefer it if you would simply call me by my name, my lady."

"And..." he looks at you, a little more softly this time. "I do not mind being subject to your talk of the arts either. Converse with me about such things if it makes you feel comfortable."

"...Understood. Then, Sir Neuvillette, I am [name]. I look forward to working with you."

"As do I, Miss [name]."

He offers his hand for you to shake, and you feel yourself flush just a bit, before you firmly shake hands, as you smile at him gratefully.

Little did you know, that your talk of the arts caught his interest, as did his curiousity of you.

"Why do artists such as you enjoy to be so swayed by your work, Miss [name]? To the point where your ilk would happily go without a human's basic needs.... It is fascinating to me. Is this a common characteristic among the practitioners of those who dabble in the arts? What drives your kind to be so interested in such things so deeply?"

Overtime, as Neuvillette and you both eased into the steady routine of you observing him, sketching him, making a few brushstrokes in your canvas, and him simply going about his day, conversations about the subtleties of human life and human needs became a common source of pleasant conversation.

To Neuvillette's great surprise, and secret appreciation, your views were unique, and completely different from his, or any other average Fontainian citizen. Your contrasting views are evident by your conversations, as you both try to understand the other through talks of the ways humans think, and how they live their lives in spite of how fleeting it is. He thinks of you as peculiar, but he doesn't dislike it. If anything, he finds it endearing. That your mind would be able to reach conclusions that even he would not be able to reach. That you hold onto your views in such a beautiful and captivating way.

He enjoyed it. He very much enjoyed your company, and your discussions. He hasn't felt such feelings in such a long, long time. The feeling of being understood, and being challenged. Of being... calmed and liking someone's presence, of being fond of it, even.

As even more months passed, conversations like that have also been overtaken by conversations about your daily lives, as you ramble about your day as you continue your work on the canvas, and the normally silent halls of his chambers fill with your and his voice, as you both revel in each other's company.

Neuvillette thinks he's never seen such a fascinating individual such as you. Who can question and break down his steady beliefs, and who he was able to open up to with time.

He wonders to himself after you've long retired for the night. After you finish your work and these days of tranquility and these conversations he so cherished will end, would you grace him with your presence again? Or would you simply just see him as the ever righteous and untouchable Chief Justice once more, and not as 'Neuvillette', the one who conversed, questioned, and listened to your views, and would he simply see you as nothing more than a mere painter who simply took him as a subject to their latest work?

You both would become strangers, never entangling yourselves again as your lives go on.

For some reason, the thought of that makes his heart twist uncomfortably.

The painting of Neuvillette is stunning.

You almost burst into tears of joy at the finished work. Yes, yes, this was it! Your work and efforts have finally paid off. Countless hours and different techniques tried, many changes and many frustrated nights, and it has finally been completed.

Brushstrokes of different shades of blue, the vibrant background, and the features of the Chief Justic-- No, the features of Neuvillette. The painting dons him in an expression of tranquility, as fleeting as his expression is, it is forever captured in color, with you as the sole witness to it.

Now, the only thing you have to do is deliver it to Neuvillette's chambers. He did promise you compensation, after all. Who were you to disagree? And for the price he gave... Ah, being able to grow close to him meant you were of course paid well for your efforts, after all.

(not that you would care if he didn't compensate you or not. his company and his leniency to your actions and your passion, as well as letting him see and hear your thoughts and feelings and let you listen to his pondering for the months that passed would have left you satisfied anyway. such was your enamoured state with him.)

It's raining heavily when you arrive at his chambers one final time. Sedene greets you, as if used to your presence already, by how much you frequent. You feel a pang of inexplicable sadness at bidding Neuvillette's company a final farewell.

You would soon be just a spectator, and never truly see 'Neuvilette' again as you did at the months that passed. The conversations, the familiar routine of chatting with him about inane to deep topics.... Yes, you shall miss it as well.

You wonder if he'll miss it too. (will he miss you?) You can only take a deep breath, as you knock on his chambers for one last time.

"...Come in, Miss [name]."

As expected, your work is beautiful. Neuvillette was not lying when he thought of that last statement. Your portrait of him is serene, calming, and... and so lovingly curated by you.

Unlike most of his official portraits and pictures, this particular portrait exudes an aura of familiarity, a testimony to your bond that has slowly developed with time. this portrait was created with the intention of capturing him as 'Neuvilette.' Not as the Chief Justice of Fontaine, not as the leader of the Marchaussee Phantom, but simply as the Neuvillette you spent time with, you indulged in, and grew fond of.

(did you grow fond of him as he did of you? did he occupy your thoughts, as you did with his own?)

His heart skips, but this time it's an intense feeling of longing. He doesn't wish to be deprived of your presence, of your comfort.

Of your warmth, just yet.

"...euvilette? Neuvilette?" your voice is soft, he thinks. it snaps him from his thoughts, as he looks at you, and he sees you donning and expression of sheepishness, hesitancy.

"it is lovely. your work, i find it exquisite, [name]."

he turns to look at you, his expression softening. for the first time in a long time, his lips curl into a real, genuinely happy smile. (only for you.)

you flush at his words, as you hang your head down, your expression betraying the true extent of your feelings towards his words (and towards him.)

there is a few beats of silence, before one of you takes the plunge.

"If I may, may I be inclined to seek your company... even after our arrangement has ended? if, if it isn't bothering you, of course."

you blink at him, processing his words for a few moments, before a radiant smile graces your face, mirth overtaking your expression.

"Of course."

your words make his heart beat once more, as he feels this foreign feeling invade his conscious once again. he doesn't hate it.

the heavy rainfall stops, as does his worries and his doubts. he may not know exactly what this feeling is right now, but there's one thing he can't deny.

He's glad you came into his unchanging, ever-present world, like a splash of color to his normally dull, rigid life. He recalls a conversation you had once before.

To you, art was the expression of the soul, the permanent etch borne of its creator's love bleeding through a myriad of brushstrokes of passion, comfort, longing and intense desire. coalescing into one form, a permanent fixture of the unchanging and deep feelings that only a few would truly want to understand in its whole. To want to uncover everything, and appreciate it in its entirety.

While it may have been you that called him your muse, and it may have been you that called him to be a 'work of art,' Neuvillette can't help but think that it was you, who truly deserved such a title.

© 𝐌𝐇𝐈𝐈𝐄𝐄𝐄 : do not repost, copy, or plagiarize my work.

[cantfightmoonlight]

"You don't think I know you by now?" She asked, with a curve of a brow. "That and I used to be a witch myself, remember?" She hummed softly out. Back before there was only one recognized coven too. "Your world maybe, but not the rest of ours," Meena teased softly back, graciously accepting the cigarette from the other as she brought it up to her lips. "It never is," She admitted quietly herself after a prolonged breath. "Eh, immortality isn't all you fantasied it to be either, love. You're either dying with the people you love or watching them die over and over again in your arms until you're truly alone. And that isn't to say your frustrations aren't valid. They are. But, if it's any consolation? If I could go back, I think I'd rather die with my family than live an eternity without them." It was a morbid thought and one Meena had never uttered out loud before, but as much as Poppy seemed to loath her current fate, Meena couldn't help, but be slight envious. Poppy would never have to know what it was like to truly have no one and, as much as it could seem like a curse, in way, it was in part a gift. "You don't need to apologize. Poppy, believe it or not, I care about you. So, of course I would care now that you've died. It's shit. I know it is. But, unfortunately, we can't really do anything, but try to cope with the cards we've been dealt, no matter how questionable our hands may be. And honestly? I'm pissed and exhausted. He didn't used to be like that, you know? I mean he was always slightly an asshole, but he used to be fun. Funny in a dickish sort of way. He liked to throw lavish parties. He liked to live life to the fullest. Live a life without consequences or regrets. He was a gossip. Had a bad habit of running his mouth. But, did so in a way that would make you feel like you were a part of something? He wasn't even that bad of a leader. Not as great as I am, of course. But, he had his moments. Only, time twisted him into something unrecognizable. The monster we found wasn't the vampire I knew. We found an abusive motherfucking asshole with a death wish and now I've torn one of the last pieces of my humanity literally to shreds without blinking an eye. So, I guess the saying's true. You either die a hero or live long enough to be the antithesis, hm? Watching the people you care about continue to die is one thing. But, watching the friends you once had lose their minds and become completely and utterly unrecognizable strangers who obliterate any happy memories you ever had of them as they try to destroy you along with them is a fate I wish I hadn't been privy to, I suppose. But, for now, we smoke and I take a sledge hammer to my house. I'd say cheers, but that would require us to have drinks handy, hm?"

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Poppy gave a half of smile when she watched Meena put her hands up. “How’d you know it was a duplicate?” She questioned curiously as she looked over at Meena. Only to be checked right back into place with Meena’s words which caused her to laugh. “That’s fair. What can I say the world usually revolves around me.” She teased before pulling out the pack once more and handing the cigarette to Meena to smoke. “I’ll light it.” Informing her as she waited for the other to put it towards her lips. Giving a sad expression before she shook her head. “No.” She admitted. “Maybe it would be different if I wasn’t stripped of the chance to be immortal or connected to my sister and knowingly will die the same day as her.” She blurted out not meaning too. “Shit sorry— you I’m sure don’t care about this. How are you since the whole Theo thing?”