#(and i don't mean that in a morbid way. and i do recognize that it's quite hypocritical)

[suddencolds]

.~

[doctorcurdlejr]

Niko!! what'd you think of I saw the tv glow. I finally saw it last night and noticed you posting about it so I wanted to know your thoughts :)

Levi!!! I was JUST wondering what you were thinking about the movie after I saw you posting about it as well... we are so media discussion pilled in this way, it's awesome. ANYWAYS I've had so many thoughts since I first saw it and I've been trying to turn them into something coherent for a little bit now.

Ummm okay I have written 1k+ words about this movie, the suburbs, and escapism via teen TV.... clearly I was dying for somebody to ask this I guess so thank you for indulging me <3

First and foremost, I absolutely loved it! I've seen it twice now and the first time I watched it I got to see Jane Schoenbrun talk about the film right after. I already really liked it from that first watch alone. I found it so deeply relatable to my experiences - both in terms of growing up gay and trans, but where I am now in my 20s trying to navigate adulthood. Hearing what Schoenbrun had to say really cemented my feelings and thoughts about the film.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer was a big influence on the movie (it's why Amber Benson makes a cameo as Johnny Link's mom). Even though I don't have the same emotional link to Buffy since I never watched it, I recognize it as the same type of warmth I experienced growing up with Riverdale. When Owen says he feels like his insides have been scooped out but that he's too afraid to look and have that wrongness everybody knows is there be confirmed, Maddy simply responds "Maybe you're like Isabel. Afraid of what's inside you." Tears forming but not falling, breathing shallowly, I grabbed the paper and pen the theater keeps at the seats for people to order food with and wrote that line down - the slip of paper is still somewhere in my car. Writing it now almost feels lame in its simplicity, but it felt like my insides were being flayed open.

During the director discussion, Schoenbrun talked a little bit about this idea of how truly fucking bizarre it is to grow up in the suburbs. Like, when we think about the pinnacle of normality in American culture, it's the image of middle-class cis-hetero-white suburbia. At the same time, despite this cultural dream of normality, everybody is hyper-aware that the suburbs are one of the least normal things ever. So, the ACTUAL cultural understanding of it is that it's where we go to, like, passively kill ourselves (*George Costanza voice* WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY YOU KNOW!). This idea isn't new, I mean there are so many films and shows about navigating that specific bizarre dissonance from Rebel Without a Cause to Heathers to Twin Peaks. Probably half the pre-teen to teen TV I watched obsessively growing up, stuff like Strange Days at Blake Holsey High, Making Fiends, Truth or Scare, and eventually Riverdale, were never shy about being weird and morbid and saying "yes, the suburbs are exactly as bizarre and lethal in the ways you can already feel in your bones at 13." I Saw the TV Glow does a really good job of keying not only into that mental dissonance but more specifically into how those of us who have felt so intrinsically weird and different and wrong fell back on these shows like they were capable of doing the emotional version of a rescue breath maneuver after being drowned.

In high school, if there were two things about me that any person who even vaguely knew me could list off it was that I watched Riverdale, and I was a lesbian - and I was mocked more for the Riverdale. At that age, I was, without a doubt, the most miserable I have ever felt in my life. I rarely left the house because my family lived in a development that made me want to scratch my skin off when I walked out our front door. Owen didn't leave the house for days, afraid Maddy could somehow force him out. I sobbed constantly and frequently to depressing indie rock on the floor of my closet while hoping my family would just once read the (honest to god) KEEP OUT poster plastered on my door since I didn't have a lock on it. Owen didn't leave his room for days, afraid of what Maddy recognized in him. I didn't go on dates and kept my chest binder shoved to the bottom of my bookbag while wearing dresses that could've come from a how-to-be the perfect 50s housewife manual. Owen didn't leave his bed for days, afraid of Maddy touching his neck and Isabel's dress. I also watched Riverdale with the kind of zeal you see in a Pentecostal who has found God and started speaking in tongues to let you know it. I own a button that says, "Don't Make Me Go Dark Betty On You," I cherish it in a way that is only achieved by knowing exactly how corny and trite it is and then moving straight past that because well actually, and most people wouldn't get this, she's holding back something deeply dark and wild and- and disgusting. something painful yet intrinsically her. but i get it, obviously. or maybe not obviously! hopefully not obviously, but- basically, I'm just saying I get it: the experience of reflection and recognition through the other and all that.

Whatever, the point is that this movie is one big glaring trans allegory about how it sucks dog shit to live in the suburbs, and even at our most repressed we find these little snow globes of actualization in the glow of a tv screen that isn't afraid to show you the world you see. I've seen some people say that, like, in this context accepting or coming into your transness is this monumental death of self, which I get, but I feel there lacks a nuance in that because either way Owen is dying. Unlike Maddy who buries herself alive only to come out renewed, Owen doesn't kill himself upon facing the reality that the world is constructed to keep him miserable and the only way out is to take back what it is that the world wants to keep scooped out of him. Instead he just passively lets it drag him to a much more permanent death. This lack of suicide sucks in the kind of way that forces you to sit in your car on the midnight drive home and think to yourself am I letting myself suffocate because at some point knowing the misery became less scary than admitting I've been capable of doing something about it the whole time?

Clearly, I’ve been enchanted by the film’s narrative and meta-textual language. If you're familiar with it, you can see how Schoenbrun built this movie like a long-form dream episode of a canceled teen show filmed in Vancouver. Lynchian? Yeah, sure. Riverdalesque? THIS we cannot possibly deny. Schoenbrun said they included Amber Benson as an act of healing the inner rage experienced at Tara’s death in Buffy. This is a Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa ending Riverdale with a bisexual polycule after his gay Archie play got ceased-and-desisted type move. There’s probably more I could say about the soundtrack and the visuals, but I’ve hit over 1k words on this, so I’ll leave it at I enjoyed this movie a lot. :)

Maddy is an out lesbian who left town to escape the misery and found it strapped to her ankles. She slinks out, an animal pressed against the gymnasium floor, and says "I'm not telling you anything you don't already know." Owen looks into the camera and narrates. He cuts himself open with a box cutter, fully acknowledges what's there, and the movie ends with his suffocating apology parade for the unremarkable inconvenience of his excruciating suffering. You can be gay and trans, you can know it and you can stop repressing it, but you're not going to stop suffocating until you can find a way to destroy the part of you that truly deeply does want to die, reaching for the comforting euthanasia of normalcy. Stop visiting the dream of the life you want and make it into your reality with the same kind of unrepentant conviction seen in some underfunded but wildly ambitious teen television series. In other words: you must try to survive the ego death of being weird. A weirdo, who doesn't fit in and doesn't want to fit in!

[5eraphim]

Freaky Deaky Sneaky (TEASER)

(Red!Scout x Blu!Reader x Red!Sniper)

(Context: This is the unofficial sequel to The Bunny Under the Bridge, not much of a plot to speak of, but Reader has snuck onto Red base after hours to meet up again with Scout for practice. It's not long until hearing a Red Engineer in the distance scares Reader who runs and hides, accidentally finding the Red Sniper along the way, learning he saw everything that went down during the match Reader and Scout met)

This is sort of like "story's second act" but I haven't posted actual writing here in ages and i wanted to post at least this much.

Rating: M (MINORS DNI)

Content Warnings: yandere, x reader, exploitation, sex-bargaining, blackmail, smut, mild humiliation

Word Count: 1.7k

MASTER LIST

"Sniper!?" His name came out in a gasp, louder than you intended. His bony, sullen face watched you, obscured by shadows, making him look almost ghoulish, a sight that made your skin crawl. Goosebumps prickled under your heavy white coat and across the back of your neck and forearms as you instinctively clamped a hand over your mouth, craning your neck to look over your shoulder at the door behind you, half-expecting the Red Engineer to be right behind. But from the sound of it, Engie hadn't noticed you, nor were there any other Red mercenaries close by, all but the Sniper, that is.

After another moment of painful silence, you strained your eyes to glimpse Sniper out of the corner of your eye. Sniper hadn't moved from his camping chair. You weren't sure if you found his motionless calmness assuring or disquieting. "Sniper, what are you doing here so late?" 

He raised an eyebrow, looking at you incredulously, "What am I doing here?"

Your lips parted to say something to your defense, but your mind went blank, and no words came.

After an awkward pause, Sniper mumbled, "Van's getting weatherized. I had to find somewhere else to crash. I can't sleep around the other guys; there's too much bloody noise."

"I'll leave you to it." Whirling around to make an escape, you tried to dart for the door but stopped dead when you heard Sniper say, "In an awful rush to get goin', aren't ya? Looking for another snog with the little bunny-boy?"

You felt your stomach flop and your mouth go dry, "You saw...?" Your heart raced, but Sniper didn't say anything back, watching with satisfaction as you put the pieces together. He must've been hiding around the bridge before you brought Scout there, and it made all too much sense he wouldn't intervene; situations like that don't just happen every day around here. "You mean you saw… everything?" You hardly recognized the sound of your own voice, so frail and weak. All the shame you tried to repress rushed back at once, forcing you to remember exactly what went down between you and the Red Scout during your first match.

Hugging your arms around yourself to ease your shivering, you stared at Sniper, feeling like a bug in a spider's web. Sure, you were overcome by shame, but something about the way he looked at you, knowing he knew what you knew— that he saw what you did— made your face and body heat up uncomfortably. 

"You were watching us?" Hearing those words come out of your mouth felt so dirty. After what happened between you and Scout, your shame had you avoiding him like the plague, but even then, you couldn't ignore the thrill of it all. The thrill of getting away with something so vulgar brought back sensory memories. The phantom-sensation of his cock pressing against the back of your throat, the way you felt the slight bend of his shaft in your mouth, and how you could taste and feel how he throbbed and dribbled precome against your tongue. His hands fisting your hair, and the way he moaned as he came. You knew it was wrong, downright treasonous- but God, the feeling of getting away with it turned you on, but paradoxically, now that you knew you were caught in the act, it felt even hotter. In a morbid and humiliating way.

Sniper shrugged. "Nuthin' personal, it's always best to go for you Medics. Just how it is, mate."

You nervously scratched at the back of your neck, still summoning tremendous effort to speak. "But I don't understand—you say you saw everything and clearly did. Why the hell didn't you take the shot while you had the chance?"

Sniper couldn't help but snicker a little under his breath: "What can I say? You're easy on the eyes; you gave a good show. It would've been a shame to end it all so soon." 

"Hold on, do mean you were…" Your voice trailed off, for some reason too sheepish to ask Sniper outright if he was touching himself watching you go down on Scout.

Sniper knew what you meant, even if you weren't strong enough to say exactly what was on your mind. "Can ya blame me?"

While your outright fear of being spotted by the enemy sneaking around on his base had slightly worn off, your anxiety had only grown. You hardly knew the guy, but Sniper always gave a 'sleazy' air about him. Learning he was a voyeur wasn't much of a surprise; you just wish you didn't have to find out this way. 

If you tried to dart out of the room, you'd be instantly spotted, assuming Sniper didn't get to you first. Sheepishly, you inched closer to the wall beside you to put a bit more distance between you, never letting him out of your sight once. "Alright, I get why you didn't kill me then, but why not now?" It was his shed, after all; you knew he had a kukri or bow and arrow stashed somewhere to defend himself with. 

Resting his elbows on his knees, Sniper leaned forward in his seat, resting his chin in his palm as he responded with a wolf-like grin: " It would be a shame to let you go now. Only got to watch for a minute, but bloody hell, I can't get that image of you on your knees out of my head."

You had a bad feeling it would come down to something like this. Once again degrading yourself and allowing a Red mercenary to have his way with your body in exchange for not killing you outright. Was this all you would ever come to?

Pressing your back a little harder against the wall, you lowered your head slightly, glaring at him as though a baby Medic like you had a chance of intimidating the likes of him. "If anyone finds us, they'll kill us both. C'mon, you know it's not worth it!" 

Sniper paused to consider this momentarily, tilting his head a little in mock-deep thought, "They won't kill us both. Sure, they'll hate me- but when your team finds out, they're gonna tear you apart. Assumin' the Red team won't get to ya first."

Fighting the urge to cower in fear, you responded with meek hostility, "Maybe so. But I'd take them over you any day."

Bad move. While your resilience was cute before, Sniper's patience was beginning to wear thin. The corners of his lips twisted down as he bore his teeth, snarling at you as he got to his feet. "Be good, stay hidden, and I'll get you home faster than the twitchy little freak. Sound good?"

He was coming closer, but you knew better than to try and get away now. Hearing him order you to obey like that gave you a stir, and you prayed he couldn't tell how turned on you were.

"How am I supposed to trust you'll take me home after this?" Now close enough to press a forearm on the wall inches away from your head, leaning in close enough for you to feel his breath fanning against your face and neck. 

"Like you said, we're dead if we're found. But right now, no one but me gets to touch you."

With his free hand, Sniper cupped the bottom of your head, running his callous-hardened fingers against your cheek and chin. Your eyes were squeezed shut, but you shuddered, feeling his skin against yours, knowing how close and defenseless you were before your enemy.

"Watchin' the show's nice and all. But God, I've been waitin' for the chance to feel you up myself. You're so much softer up close."

You didn't resist or flinch when you felt Sniper leaning close enough for his lips to brush against you. "Now let me feel that soft mouth myself."

A beat later, you felt Sniper open-mouth kissing against your lips, letting him suck against your lips, dip his tongue into your mouth, and hum with contentment mixing his saliva with yours. While you were a bit too stunned to properly return the affection, you felt his hold on your chin force your face harder against his, deepening the kiss.

He must've been pretty touch starved because you'd never felt such a hungry, needy kiss before. It didn't take long for his hands to latch onto your body, roughly palming you up over your clothes while his mouth was still connected to yours as he pushed you hard enough against the wall to make the air rush from your lungs.

You knew what came next, and the fear keeping you from doing exactly that made you feel light-headed and a little tingly. The tingles intensified into a steady buzziness deep in your gut as Sniper tore his lips from your mouth to the side of your neck, dragging his sharp teeth against the thin skin, sucking in between bites, slathering saliva against your skin. The back of your head crushed against the wall behind you as your head tried to roll back even further and allow him even more space to nip at. Sniper pawed against your tie for a second but was too distracted to undo it himself. Regaining control of your own hands, you managed to undo the knot, pulling the strip of fabric away as his hands were back on the collar of your shirt, popping the buttons, desperate to free your uniform from your body. 

Sniper was so needy to feel you up he didn't bother shedding his own clothes, preferring to madly pull yours off first. He was a man obsessed; all he could think about was how hot it was watching you go down and degrade yourself like you did with Scout and how he replayed that memory over and over in his head, imagining your body against his. Now that you were finally here, Sniper couldn't wait any longer to fulfill his horny fantasies.

[doink-boink]

Quick little silly concept for a Zaviva 'fanchild', in quotations because uh, she isn't really a human child lol. I don't have a name for her right now, so suggestions are VERY WELCOME PLEASE PLEASE PL-

Check under the cut for further extensive rambling <3

OKAY!

So you might be asking "Joss!! Why is she a Zachbot and not a real human child???" And to that I say: I don't really think these two would have real children lol

It's like that opening scene from the movie Robots where they build their child. For my specific interpretations of Zach and Aviva, since they're T4T and I like to project into these fellows, I uhm! Don't really think Zach would enjoy being "the bearer of the curse" (referring to pregnancy)

Previous wording is a joke lol, but!! I do think it would be an accurate characterization for this failwife of a man that I resonate with

ANYWAYS, onto this girl herself!! Personality wise, I feel like she'd be similar to Creepie from Growing up Creepie! Which funnily enough shares a voice with Aviva. Feel as though she'd share that love for animals, but specifically regarding bugs and other... More morbid or macabre things lol

Think Wednesday Addams or Mandy from The Grim Adventures but more lively. Still very monotone though! It's that Zachbot in her, so she struggles to comprehend sarcasm or turns of phase. Mayhaps also an inherent Zach autism thing!

As of right now, I don't think she aligns with either the 'mommas girl' or daddy's girl' archetypes - she just kind of likes them both equally methinks Though, she definitely takes a lot after Aviva, both in general appearance and interests

I'd say that a lot of the time the crew and both Zach and Aviva forget that she's not a human in certain situations. Nothing major! I mean, normal Zachbots can withstand water and not short circuit lol so nothing that is DEADLY - just like. "Oh I forgot you have super strength" kinds of things

Random thoughts:

- No way she doesn't love Warrior Cats. I've never read it, know nothing about it, but she'd be roleplaying as a cat in a clan. Forcing anyone she can into it lol, with use of the Creature Power Suits or not

- ON THAT TOPIC, she would probably be fascinated with the CPS. No idea if she has the ability to use them or not. Can Zachbots use them? Who knows!

- She probably doesn't interact/mesh well with human children- Typical autism archetype, but I feel as though kids would recognize immediately that she's different. Maybe not BULLY HER, that's a bit much, but some sort of weird looks or treading lightly around her.

- She's like a typical early 2010s "weird emo kid". Maybe she uses site like MySpace? Is she allowed online? Probably not! Uh knowing yknow, the unlimited knowledge that could be horribly dangerous for a child let alone an android to have access to

Okay I have run out of thoughts FOR NOW..... If any of you have any ideas on what her name should be don't be afraid to share!! I have no idea what to do in that area lol. All that I know is that Aviva would insist that she'd have the last name Varmitech. (Off topic but as mentioned previously regarding 'I don't think these fellows would have a real child!' I also don't really think they'd get married, but that is subject to change if I think about it too much lol)

[k9emote]

Hello! I have BPD and I’ve only heard the favorite person term come from that as iirc it is mainly used for that.

Would you be able to explain what other disorders use this? I’m just curious as someone with BPD and it would help Ty!!

All disorders in clusterB have the ability to have symptoms of deep emotional reliance on others. This is called having an FP.

People with BPD, NPD, ASPD and HPD all have the ability to suffer from this symptom and it is more common than you think!

Here’s something we wrote on it

“ Hello everyone,

Just here to speak on a topic that was brought up in the question channel, that being if "Favored Person/FP" is a term that is open to all clusterB or only pwBPD.

This server says it is an open term for all Cluster B, not just BPD. Our reasons include;

FP is the most widely known and only medically recognized term to fit the symptom of relying on one sole person for various emotional factors

All in ClusterB have the ability to experience an FP. NPD, BPD, ASPD, and HPD have co morbid symptoms. **That is why we all appear in the same Cluster.**

"But we all can have our own exclusive terms!" Not ones that are medically or even socially recognized. Most are going to know what an FP is, but an Equal? Usually only those with NPD know what that is - and again, "equal" was coined on tumblr and is not medically recognized.

"FP belongs to BPD!" Why? Yes it may have been medically associated with BPD first, but so was the term "splitting". <- a symptom that yet again all ClusterB's experience and a term that we ALL use. It does not hurt people with BPD in the slightest if others in the cluster say they experience splitting, so why would "FP" be any different?

"Why can't pwNPD just use 'equal'?" The term 'Equal' pushes the stereotype that all pwNPD have a constant mindset that they are better than all other people, **this is not true**. People with NPD do sometimes experiences grandiosity delusions, but those are ***harmful*** and definitely should NOT be encouraged with a term such as "equal."

As a person with NPD - sometimes in a grandiosity delusion, we don't even see our FP as equal. Sometimes in narc crashes, we see them as above us.

*The term "equal" in our eyes is pushing a harmful stereotype, doesn't fit, and was coined on tumblr of all places making it not medically recognized.*

pwBPD claiming the term FP to themselves and casting out others does nothing but divides our already divided cluster and is blatantly ableist. pwBPD will NOT be harmed in any way if others in the cluster use a term connected to a CO MORBID symptom. Others in ClusterB CAN BE HARMED from inaccurate and barely known terms that push a damaging stereotype.

"FP" , meaning favored / favorite person , is a symptom belonging to every ClusterB personality disorder. “

[novankenn]

"Jaune Gets A Gun AU - Day 2" Detention's Aftermath...

Inspired by @howlingday's RU-JA-GUN-CON

Jaune and his companions dragged themselves into the two quarter's full cafeteria, and by muscle memory alone made their way to JNPR's & RWBY's customary table. Jaune, Ruby and Pyrrha slid into their traditional seats, while Emerald, Tiny Tina and Jinx stayed standing. Trying to figure out where they should also take a seat.

Yang: You guys look like sh...!

Nora: Rennie!

Ren: On it.

With a metal against glass clink, and a heavy thud, a special bottle lands on the table before Yang.

Yang: (Deadpans) Seriously?

Nora: Yep. Now pay up you hooligan.

Ruby: Jaune?

Jaune: Yes?

Ruby: Do we...?

Jaune: Nah, free pass for today... considering. (Looks up at those who are still standing) Just grab a seat, no need to keep standing. We'll make room.

Emerald nods and starts to take a seat near Ruby, the one member of RWBY she actually kind of likes being around, only to hear her name being called.

Emerald: Cinder?

Cinder: (Storming over.) Where have you been? We have things to go over!

Emerald: (Stammering) Sorry, I was at the gun show, and...

Cinder: Unacceptable! You will come with me at once!

Jaune: No.

Cinder: What? Excuse me?

Jaune: I said no. She's going to sit and have something to eat, first. She's had a long day, as we all have...

Cinder: like I care...

Jaune: IF you were an actual competent team-leader, you would understand... which apparently you're not.

Five out of the eleven seated/standing about the table felt their hearts thumping erratically, the other five just watched dumbstruck as Jaune dressed down a fellow leader.

Emerald: It's okay, I'll...

Jaune: Emerald, you're getting something to eat before anything else. Now you (looks at Cinder) are welcome to sit with us while she has some supper... or you can bugger off, and she'll meet up with you once she's had her fill. Your choice.

Cinder: (Glaring) You...

Jaune: (Never once flinching or breaking eye contact) Your choice...

With a huff and a snort, Cinder whirled about and stalked off.

Emerald: (Whispering) Thank you.

Blake: Well, that was... something. So who are?

Jaune: Oh, sorry! Introductions.

Weiss: You shouldn't have to be reminded to be polite, dolt. I thought you had more class than that, but I guess I was mistak...

Weiss stopped speaking, a creeping sense of doom crawling up her spine. A quick look about, she understood the source, or rather the five sources of that feeling.

Jaune: Anyway, This is Jinx and Tiny Tina, their frie...

Tiny Tina: J-Baby's my King, and this Queen is getting some sugar tonight!

Jinx: He's my husband, as he promised years ago, so you can all...

Yang, Blake, Ren and Nora all looked about, and after seeing Ruby and Pyrrha nod their heads, the quartet all reached forward and put some lien into the swear jar. Weiss for her part just looked baffled.

????: OW, that HURTS!

????: (Laughing cruelly) Told you these were real!

Jaune: (Recognizing that look in Jinx and Tin'as eyes) Guys, don't!

Tiny Tina: (giggling) Time to shank some bitches!

Jinx: (cackling) Whatever, let's just start shooting!

Jaune: PLEASE don't...

Screams and chaos erupted as Tiny Tina and Junix whirled around and opened up on the far side of the cafeteria. RWBY, JNPR and Emerald all watched as CRDL's entire table dove for cover. Juane slumped in his seat, totally defeated, as the remainder of his friends watched the spreading anarchy with morbid fascination.

Glynda: What is the MEANING OF THIS?

The action came to an instant stand still, or at least attempted to as Russel tried to make a break for it, only to hear a beep under his foot.

Tiny Tina: (cackling) Don't move.

Glynda: (Pointing at Jinx and Tint) Explanations! Now!

Jinx: Duh, they're bullies, so that's like an instant free pass, and besides... I'm crazy! Got a doctor's note.

Glynda reached up and pinched the bridge of her nose. She knew the headaches from today weren't over yet.

Glynda: Mr Arc!

Jaune: Yes, professor?

Glynda: Your associates have a detention for tomorrow, make sure...

An explosion followed by a shower a debris cut her off. Glynda instantly turned her glare towards Tiny Tina.

Tiny Tina: (chuckling nervously) He moved?

Glynda: As I was saying. Mr Arc, you will make SURE your two associates show up for detention starting tomorrow, and for the next three days. Do I make myself clear?

Jaune: Yes, professor.

Glynda: (eyeing Jinx and Tiny, who fidget nervously) Three days of detention, starting tomorrow... understood?

Tiny Tina/Jinx: Yes.

Glynda: This is the end of this foolishness tonight, correct?

Tiny Tina/Jinx: Yes.

Glynda: Good.

Glynda turns about, waving her riding crop to clear up the mess created by the impromptu skirmish, before scooping all four members of the no incapacitated team CRDL and floating them out the door.

Blake: (partially hiding behind her book) Um, question?

Pyrrha: yes, Blake.

Blake: Um... where are they going to sleep?

Ruby, Pyrrha, Emerald and Jaune's shoulders dropped and a look of utter despair crossed their faces.

Nora: They can have my bed! I'll share with Rennie!

Ren: Wait, I never...

Nora: BOOP! (Pokes the tip of Ren's nose) Settled. Problem solved.

Jinx: (Looks at Tina) I'm okay with that.

Tiny Tina: (Looks at Jinx) Are you a blanket hog? I hate blanket hogs.

(SO this is the final instalment of Day 2. I have some other projects that need attention on FF.net and A03, so there might be a little pause before Day 3 starts. Anyway, hope you enjoyed.)

[isfjmel-phleg]

I was skimming chapters of the first draft of Book 2 for reasons, and it's generally a mess, but I forgot how amusing it was to write the lackadaisically revolutionary poet footman Trotter. I don't know if he had an actual purpose or if he'll stick around in the same form in future drafts, but I got some fun conversations out of him.

The cook returned to his ovens and Gib slunk away to haul in pots when Trotter entered, bearing a tray of barely touched bread-and-milk, a perfectly whole egg, and an enormous glass still full of milk.

“A week’s worth in cost of food for a starving family, Miss Mulberry,” he observed. “And what must I do with it? Feed it to the pig.”

“We keep a pig? I don’t think we do. Where would you keep it?”

“Ah, do we not?” Trotter scraped the food into the rubbish bin. “Perhaps there is more than one way to be bound to a pig.”

“Was that Elystan’s?”

“Considering that he insisted he didn’t want it and that property is a fable used to justify greed and theft and thus ultimately a lie, no. But—” He paused to stare blinkingly at her. “Yes. Yes, it was his. And now it is no one’s. Rejected in its prime. Envy not bread-and-milk, for its existence has even less meaning than ours.”

“I’ve never wanted to be bread-and-milk. Although I used to wonder what it would be like to be an apple, growing on a tree.”

“And brutally murdered at knifepoint,” he said cheerfully. “You are a morbid child, Miss Mulberry. You need some sunshine in your life. You should read some political philosophy, and that would bring some happiness into your world. Some days that is the only thing that keeps me going. Political philosophy and poetry.”

“Like Mr. Peredur? I didn’t know servants liked poetry so much. Gilsbrecht was reading him last night.”

“I knew it,” he said reverently. “A human in angel form. No, I myself seek the laurel wreath, by which I mean I write poetry to recite to friends. Would you care to disguise yourself as a friend now, my young comrade?” And his eyes got the eager look that Amarantha recognized from her father, when about to read a new chapter, and from his literary friends who recited strange and beautiful incantations on the parlor rug. 

So she said yes and prepared to hear him in patience. He recited something about steel and inkstains and the moon and a telescope and sorrow—beautiful words, though she could not make sense of them strung together, or when he seemed to stop abruptly in the middle of a line. 

[nanatsuyu]

what makes you like kandrew so much?? what drawns you to them??

(not trying to sound rude or condescending or anything im just curious lol)

I really adore characters that bite and snarl at each other for the purpose of enrichment in their respective enclosures.

On a more serious note lol—other than the fact that I have A Type when it comes to pairings (davekat, edxizzy, amberprice, etc), I enjoy characters that have somewhat of an unhealthy codependency on one another. Which is the extremely general way of putting it. I like characters that are kind of doomed to the narrative to never really be sated by what the world has to offer, but their person makes up for that (not that they always recognize it as such or that it's entirely positive or sometimes even completely mutual). And I don't mean doomed in a "never amount to anything" way, but in that bittersweet tone where both of these characters, wherever they fall into each other on the timeline, are at a place where their lows sync up, and that harmonizing rattles something to the perceived tune of "we're the best we're ever going to get". Again, that's all really general for the vibes of why I was drawn to them. There's a bit more nuance for them (and the other pairings ofc).

I like that they have a deal that encompasses both of them trying to push the other into being a better version of themselves but they're both too stubborn/scared to move first because realised potential means you have to recognise it too. Kevin can't expect Andrew to try his best when he himself is not, and Andrew can't expect Kevin to show him his worth* if he doesn't bother to try in the first place. (Though I know their deal was labelled more as moriyama protection for Kevin, I think that kind of encompassed the idea that Andrew would be a crutch till Kevin could stand on his own if that makes sense)

Not to quote the ec but it's one of like 3 parts I would willingly print and eat:

Andrew is the kind of character I adore because he says this and he really genuinely means it. Keeping what little he has left of himself is a last ditch self preservation tactic because he can't get hurt if he has no hopes/expectations/aspirations. No one can let him down if he doesn't let them. But he's so wonderfully flawed in his own ruleset because he keeps doing just that in the hopes that maybe someone will be different this time . Like maybe this time someone will be right when they say he's worth it** like maybe Kevin is right and he can make Andrew see what he's been refusing himself.

I also love that their deal extends far past the deal itself. In the most basic of terms, it was: 'you go, I'll go.' Andrew didn't have to trust Kevin beyond that. But he gave Kevin his meds and trusted him not to abuse that. Kevin had even already promised to help him figure out a way to wean off them before if they could earlier (and I genuinely think his fear of Andrew getting off his meds early was both a kneejerk 'the game/my safety' reaction because Kevin has a lot riding on this semester too, but also because he knows he made his own promise to Andrew and he thought Andrew coming off his meds early might have been an obstacle even Kevin's stubbornness couldn't hurdle when it came to helping Andrew on his feet after). Likewise I have to imagine that very few people put their trust in Kevin with much of anything outside of Exy given his temperament and wallflower disinterest in team building extra curriculars. So for Andrew to willingly give Kevin his meds to hold onto that he's gotten violent over before probably created a very morbid sense of.. pride, I guess? Like I trust you to hold onto the thing that ruins me is so... clenches fist

There's also this rough handed care that comes with all of that. They're unforgivably honest with each other at the best of times and unnecessarily biting at wounds just to get a genuine reaction at the worst. But then they also have these quiet side/off screen moments that are unyielding in tenderness? Andrew inspecting Kevin's hand for injuries. Kevin covering for Andrew when he's sick on court. Andrew telling Kevin to trust him during a panic attack and that he'll take care of it. Kevin turning his entire attention away from the Raven's to pull Andrew up to his feet. Them smiling at each other first genuinely?? Being idiots on the court with playful mocking shoves that don't get heated?? Like you give me these two characters who make it seem as if their hearts will genuinely stop beating if they stop nipping at each other, and then show me that they're actually wrapped up in one another so tightly that they're rarely seen apart? And are burdened (affectionate) with the task of keeping the other from doing the very thing that drowns themselves?? Okay

Also a looooot of this is from my perspective on Andrew's perspective on Kevin since we're given a lot more to work with, but I genuinely think Andrew was the first to push back at Kevin and make him prove things to Andrew and himself. Kevin had maybe a couple people at most before he fled to the foxes. Like he had nothing other than his name and reputation, good and bad, when he showed up at wymack's door. I can't help but imagine some part of Andrew saw this as amusing but also rather tiresome when it came to seeing Kevin constantly shut away in hiding. He was so loud before, where is all that roar now? When Kevin left Jean, he really left his only friend behind (sorry Thea fans I know she's there I know). So here you have Andrew, offering a deal that becomes this codependency because being out of the nest alone most certainly took its toll for a while, and it sounds too good to be true but most things are. So Kevin snatches it up and then there's the trust in the meds and the constant presence (in the sense of comforting consistency in spite of any disagreements (but abandonment issues kandrew is a whole other post now innit)) and the care and it all looks a lot like what someone might call a friend. And I mean they could both say they're not friends till their dying day but they're the only ones they're still trying to fool.

I just like that they gnaw on the scraps that they snag off one another, these leftover cuts from failed attempts at love and kindness, and act as if they didn't hand the pieces to each other themselves in the bed they share.

—

*Andrew is worth more than his ability to play Exy obviously, but I'm working from the angle that these boys have a very limited vocabulary in how to express that given their upbringings lol ie: my absolute Favourite part of the ec:

Like again I have my hangups with some of the ec but this provides soooo much more context to their beef pre-canon and the history behind Andrew's failed recruitment. Not to mention Aaron internally calls out Andrew for blatantly lying to Kevin when he tells him he doesn't care. (I think Andrew probably holds a certain disdain for Kevin struggling to verbalize how he measures worth and how that might differentiate off the court, because that line between wanting to be told you're worth putting in the effort for versus being told it's because of your latent potential is most likely rather precarious. Shipping goggles on: I imagine wanting to get someone's attention whose love language was built up around Exy is a tad difficult even if Andrew does in fact hear what Kevin's trying to say. I also don't think Kevin's malicious in his inability to truly express that Andrew really could have everything and it's infuriating to watch Andrew self destruct.)

**And for me, this, coupled with the above conversation with Renee, really puts into perspective how agitated Andrew is with Kevin for squandering his potential. He thinks Kevin has zero self preservation skills when it comes to maybe not putting all his balls in the exy basket, but that's also why he's so drawn to him because he has this insatiable drive to live for this one thing? And yet he's not even giving it his all like he's asking of Andrew despite that? It'd be easy to dismiss Kevin's overzealous love of the game as gross infatuation that's bled into Andrew's life, but if he smothers Kevin's drive and doesn't encourage him to be exactly as he sees Kevin, this person who really can achieve these things, what is there for him? He wants Kevin to thrive, but Andrew also wants Kevin to be right and that he can thrive too.

[capribornio]

This is going to be disorganized as fuck, I don't actually have a point, but I just rewatched MPN Story Mode and I'm going crazy, so I'm going to word vomit on this post

Ok so we all know the meeting scene between Jeb, Doc & Hank, right?

Fantastic scene, go watch it if you haven't (and if you did, rewatch it. It's just great). Anyway.

So, one thing from that is that we get this

So, ghoulish huh? A quick search on Merriam Webster tells me:

1: : a legendary evil being that robs graves and feeds on corpses

2: one suggestive of a ghoul

especially : one who shows morbid interest in things considered shocking or repulsive

Which... interesting. Of course, we already knew this, didn't we? After all, we had Krinkels' poster:

Bit hard to see, but right under NOT A DOCTOR, where I marked it, says: MORE OF A GHOUL

So that's curious, right? But, well, nothing too out of the ordinary. I mean, ofc Doc would have morbid interests, absolutely nothing surprising in Nevada.

EX - FUCKING - CEPT

You see, usually in the stage before a flashback cutscene, we have something slightly leading up to it. Hofnarr notes before a Hofnarr flashback, meeting Jeb before a Jeb flashback, etc. You get the point.

...But the stage right before this is The Last Leg, a Deimos & Sanford stage. Now, the other stages before this one did have plenty of Christoff's back and forth notes against Dr Crackpot. ...But there's none in this chapter. In fact, the only not-S&D main character is Tricky, who is notably absent from the flashback.

And here's where it gets weird.

Because The Last Leg is only focused on introducing robot enemies. The only note we have is from an employee, complaining about the things turning against them:

They are specifically complaining about insolvents:

(From the Merriam-Webster site again)

1

a: unable to pay debts as they fall due in the usual course of business

b: having liabilities in excess of a reasonable market value of assets held

2

: insufficient to pay all debts

(Bolding mine)

What it is to say, they are more dangerous than they are useful.

Alright, but what does this have to do with the flashback?

Well you see, The Last Leg has a boss fight. Against something, very, very interesting:

VERY interesting design, isn't is? Red eyes, fucked up mouth, a black mohawk...

Ok, ok, but surely I'm reaching. I mean, what could this thing have in connection with Doc at all?

...Oh.

Yep. This enemy shares design, as well as a ghoulish connection to 2BDamned.

In fact, in concepts designs (from the wiki):

Earlier concepts of the Ghoul depict it as a feral Mag zombie, and then later on a quadrupedal Mag unit with cybernetic augmentations. Early concept images assigned him the subclass of "Carrion Eater"[1]. This, combined with how early concept artwork of it depicts it holding a corpse with it's head eaten, implied that it would have eaten corpses in the middle of battle.

And sure enough, it's the first definition of ghoul.

All of this? Means the connection to the flashback wasn't neither Jeb nor Hank. It was Doc.

So. What the fuck does this mean? Well, first of all, fuck me if I know. This is the bare facts, and I hope anyone besides me can gather anything from this, because I'm stumped.

...Sort of.

You see, I have another connection to make. This one, I recognize I might be reaching (but then, maybe I'm not?) (Idk man)

After all, as we come to find out from Arena Mode, Doc is very much meddling in the godly affairs of Nevada.

And, well. Those are Nevada's gods. The Maker, who's Doc benefactor, and...

The Machine.

And now, I'd like to point out your attention to the fact that, while I called the enemies in The Last Leg robots, the only way they're called in game is...

(From the Insolvents log)

And the only other time (as far as I remember, correct me if I'm wrong) we fight waves of robots, and the final boss is a giant robot is...

(also, notice the Grand Steward has a grunt-like face with its faceplates closed off)

...when we meet The Machine itself.

So. Once again, what the fuck does this mean?

Ultimately, I just don't know, really. But I have a very strong feeling there is something very, very important we don't truly know about Doc's connection to the Machine.

[inkrabbit]

Just some Mary hcs when they're sketching/painting while I slowly work on this discussion post-

Mary stays in shrimp position

They've tried sitting up straight or even laying back in bed, but hunched over his sketchbook or canvas just works better

He does own an easel, but that's mainly for the larger canvases

Yes, this idiot will still occasionally put the larger canvas on the floor and hunch over it

You can yell at them all you want to stop. It's not going to work

Contrary to popular belief, Mary actually listens to different music when he's painting or sketching

What's different music? Something slow with a chill beat. They'll even listen to some old romantic songs. Only You by The Platters is one of their favorites to start working with

If you notice Mary working too much on paintings (sacrificing sleep and meals) or even too little on them (having not touched a single painting in a month or more) please ask them if something is wrong. These are normally "warning" signs that something is wrong mentally, which can normally be stress or another episode of deep depression

On the very rare occasion, Mary working too much on his paintings can mean that he's neglected his schizophrenia medication due to forgetfulness. When this happens, their paranoia kicks in full force and they'll be too scared to even sleep. There isn't a way to "break" this. The most you can do is remind them to take their medication and be there for them (preferably in person and to spend a few nights in their apartment, but he understands if you're too busy to visit)

Sometimes Mary's sketches can be... a little out there

This shouldn't be a surprise because of the lyrics to their songs, but you should always be weary when you peek inside their sketchbook

Is it going to be scenery? Portraits? A portrait study of a dead body they dug up the other night? No one knows! Good luck.

I promise most of the sketches weren't for Mary to get his rocks off later

He actually has a morbid fascination with death because it was never talked about when they were growing up. His parents always shot down any "What happens when we die?" question from him and his siblings

Well Mary is now a grown adult that gets to see what exactly happens. And you know what? They love it. They love the circle of life, seeing what the person was buried in and what was buried with them

Mary never steals, though. He'll look through everything, and he even spent the night reading some Edgar Allan Poe when he saw the book tucked beside the corpse

But every time they're done, bored, or it's getting to almost be daylight, Mary will put everything back inside the casket and bury it neatly so it looks like no one was ever there

Sometimes Mary's sketches will reflect what they found. Books, jewelry, stuffed animals, wilted and dead flowers. At the bottom of the page, you'll find the name of the person that was inside the casket, along with the birth and death year

None of these sketches will ever make it to canvas. This is Mary's own personal outing and they don't feel the need to transfer something so personal onto canvas

What does Mary do with all of these paintings?

He sells them. Normally online, but if you've managed to drag them out to an art convention, he'll bring along several canvases

You always tell them they should charge more for their work, but Mary will just say it's not that big of a deal

Really, they're just happy someone loves their artwork and is willing to pay money so they can hang it in their home

Plus, some of the people recognize him and will gush about his music as well. These people get paintings for a little cheaper

Why?

"I feel like they've spent enough either coming to see our shows or buying our shit. I can afford to not make ten or twenty dollars."

[lasplaga]

What are his thoughts about Krauser?

-;┊ 𓆙 𝕺𝕺𝕮 ; ◥ 𓆙      —      𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐙𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐈𝐍𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 --- ALWAYS Accepting! 𝐒𝐎𝐅𝐓 𝐓𝐖: 𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐘 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐄 / 𝐖𝐀𝐑

Going to begin that these thoughts are built off from the fictional characters, they do not represent the opinions of the writer in any way.

To start, Osmund & Jack are both similar in being veterans of the military, but not the SAME military ( Los Iluminados does not have a 'recognized' military, but a militia, & their faith is intertwined with battle ). However, they both endured brutal training, physically & mentally, to become a combat ready soldier. The harsh discipline they trudged through I think is an experience that can't be easily explained to civilians, but immediately understood by others brought up or signed up in similar environments. It is the same principle of Osmund attempting to describe his rituals of faith, such as self-mutilation or periods of fasting, to an outsider who does not practice. It's not something that can be wholly understood solely by words. --- In the aspect of 'he felt that he could not function within society & believed that his service & the thrill of combat were what gave his life meaning' they are both TWINS. They both have a sense of their lives having meaning & the only way they can FIND meaning is through service. In Osmund's case, it was through religion & warfare. Jack was warfare & mercenary work, respectively.

Osmund, also similarly to Jack, has an obsession with obtaining power. The latter expresses he experienced a 'revelation' within the jungles of South America, upon realizing where the strength of humanity fell short. This sentiment may have also been brought about from resentment towards Leon. 'As the two make their way through Javier's mansion, Krauser continues to contemplate the mission. He soon finds himself agreeing with Javier's mentality of "becoming stronger to survive," & --- This leads Krauser to become obsessed with the power of the Veronica virus. As Javier merges with the Veronica Plant, becoming the "V Complex" bioweapon, Kennedy, Krauser & Manuela work together to defeat it. All the while, Krauser becomes more & more convinced that the power of this virus is beneficial, & that destroying it would be a mistake. He thus becomes fully convinced that he must become stronger, viewing Kennedy as a "coward", & deciding that he will become more powerful.' This is very similar to Osmund's own ideologies, that humanity is an inherently weaker & imperfect species, & that Las Plagas can bring about biological evolution.

Obviously, those who share the same mindset & echo the same sentiments will be enjoyable company with each other. They will also be unstoppable if working together, which is what made their alliance & conjoined skills / networks so dangerous.

I think Osmund sees A LOT of himself in Jack, albeit a much more younger & bloodthirsty from battle version, which invokes many feelings of bittersweet nostalgia. I think the dynamic of Lord Saddler being a 'veteran' & Major Krauser being a 'hardened soldier' works well, because they both understand each other under a respectful military environment. I don't follow the xenophobic English localization of 2005 where he blatantly distrusts Americans, I REALLY PREFER the remake iteration alternatively. So if the newer installment is anything to go by, I think Osmund genuinely considers him a close friend, someone he would personally confide in, in regards to their shared struggles & a true ally. Jack being his guardsman but also an 'attack dog' to sick upon those he wishes is an entirely separate conversation, but it does fulfill his morbid, violent fantasies.

[the-everqueen]

Going with a Hannibal theme for this one 👀

001: 5 favorite ships (canon or non-canon)

002: Hannigram - Things you look for in fics

003: Beverly Katz

5 favorite ships katz and dogs - i feel like not enough people recognize how much Will clearly trusts Bev (he calls her when he finds Georgia, he asks her to look into Hannibal while he's in prison). she's the only person who seems to clock that he's Not Okay in s1 and who also tries to reach out to him on "neutral" territory (giving him shooting advice, engaging in morbid jokes, telling him to talk to her if things get to be too much). she doesn't infantilize him (Jack, Alana) or treat him as a curio (Hannibal). he's not a means to an end for her, he's a person. meanwhile Will doesn't treat her with the same rudeness he gives Zeller; again, he trusts her insights and reaches back to her. also can we all notice that he doesn't do the mirroring thing with her?? i feel like it's big when Will doesn't default to either of his masking personas (rude, aloof professor or empath who reflects you back to yourself).

will/molly - in part because i have huge affection for red dragon even as i acknowledge all the ways it's Bad. but i dislike when fandom acts like Will's entire marriage to Molly was a lie. or like Molly is either Too Badass for Will or Too Soft for him. she trusted him enough to make him part of her life, they stayed together for years, they adopted more dogs together. she speaks his language! meanwhile i think it's a rather...unfair assessment of Will to act like he's only using Molly as this clutch for normalcy. he KNOWS he's never going to be "normal," he could have closed himself off utterly after the entire Verger arc. but he found someone he could trust in Molly, which tells us a lot about her even if the show doesn't really explore her as a character. (i think their conversations in the book and the ways that Will "finds" pieces of her in the mundane aspects of his work are evidence of a loving relationship.)

abigail hobbs/freddie lounds - i haven't found, like, a fic that explores what i'd want out of this, but the gist is that Abigail gets treated as a child in a lot of ways, which i think is unfair to her. yes, she is barely a legal adult. yes, she is naive and sheltered. but also she has keen survival instincts and she recognizes the meta-level operations of Bryan Fuller's Hannibal, i.e. it's about the story that you're telling. Abigail as a ghost in the machine, Freddie as the "vessel" that gives her coherence and meaning both in relation to her dad and separate from Hannibal. they're using each other! it's toxic! but also Freddie is the only person who really treats Abigail as an adult. (plus you KNOW Abigail has some like, repressed queer feelings. she ate and honored ALL those girls she helped murder.)

will/hannibal - like. it's the arc of the show Fuller created. i have eyes.

...are there five ships i like in Hannibal? huh. i don't actually LIKE alana/margot in the Fullerverse, because it erases the butch masc aspect of book!Margot, which i think is so, so important in talking about Margot's queerness AND her abuse (she turns to bodybuilding as a means of defense, she ID's as butch and it's an intentional refusal of the girl her parents wanted her to be, as well as the "girl" she was). no one has sold me on bev/freddie yet, because Bev obviously hates Freddie and so much wlw content in the fandom tends to be "gentle soft femmes." idk. alana/will has potential but only if it's ALSO fucked up, because Will relies on Alana as a defense and Alana only ever sees Will as fundamentally broken.

things you look for in fics - hannigram it's been a second since i obsessively combed through the hannibal ao3 tag for fics. i can't do "soft" murder husbands content. i dislike fics where Hannibal gives Will positive language to define himself, because i think it's fundamentally ooc. Hannibal wants Will to be what Hannibal wants, which also happens to be a part of himself that Will actively represses (as opposed to accepting/working through/etc). their relationship is obsessive, it's manipulative, it has a body count.

unrelated to that but important to me: i have a low tolerance for uninterrogated misogyny in fics. both the Harris and the Fuller texts are full of sexist approaches to women, and it sometimes feels like the fandom (even years later, at a remove from when the show was premiering) dials that up to eleven without a second thought. so i'm hyper-critical of fics that position the women characters in the virgin/madonna/whore triad.

give me a character - beverly katz how i feel about this character: defensive, lmao. she's so interesting! the only woman in team sassy science AND she's a woman of color. non-whiteness is, uh, a super fraught position in the fullerverse, esp. hannibal. the fandom treated her like shit, Fuller arguably treated her like shit, justice for Bev Katz.

all the people i ship romantically with this character: will/bev has a soft spot in my heart. will/molly/bev is one more people should think about. bev/margot could've been so so good. bev/miriam??

my non-romantic otp for this character: i've seen team sassy science posed as a triad, but truly i do not see Bev having a romantic thing for either Zeller or Pierce, though i think she's fond of them as coworkers and friends.

my unpopular opinion about this character: she's the most nuanced female character, and her murder was both unnecessary on a narrative level and gross as a treatment of a nonwhite woman's body.

one thing i wish would have happened in canon: that she didn't get murdered as a deus ex machina! Bev is one of the main characters and she gets killed off-screen and then turned into a plot device as though she never mattered. when i die, i will find bryan fuller and haunt his ass!

my otp/ot3: i guess katz and dogs IS the hill i will die on.

[lets-talk-spirituality]

Will you do tpwk analysis it's the most controversial one lol

Cleaning out some of my drafts because that’s the mood I’m in esta mañana! Is it controversial? Doesn’t feel that way to me!

Maybe we can, Find a place to feel good

And we can treat people with kindness, Find a place to feel good

This line always reminds me “there’s a place for us, somewhere a place for us” (someday from west side story). Maybe we can means he’s not sure if we can but he’s hopeful, wanting to find a place to feel good is important to him, implying he hasn’t found a place where he feels good and where people are treated with kindness

I got a good feeling, I'm just takin' it all in, Floating up and dreamin', Droppin' into the deep end

Got a good feeling implies some level of intuition or instinct, and that he’s just riding the waves as they come, dreaming (a big theme always) “she lives in day dreams with me” floating as in moving up towards the sky where sunflower is “hung up high in the gallery”

And if we're here long enough, They'll sing a song for us (ah-ah-ah-ah)

To me this is him saying to his person to stay here long enough, to hold on, to wait. There have been continual references to Harry and someone he’s connected to feeling immense pain and he’s saying if we hold on, things will improve, always encouraging them to hold on and things will get better “you can see the world, following the seasons everywhere you go”

And we'll belong

What he wants for himself and for his person, we’ll belong “we belong to light, we belong to each other” (we belong, pat benatar). Harry doesn’t feel like he and someone else belong, he doesn’t feel like he and a lot of people belong, but the use of the word will implies he thinks in the future that can change

Giving second chances, I don't need all the answers

He’s admitting that there are things he doesn’t know “there’s things we’ll never know” (fine line) but that he doesn’t need to know everything to feel good, he’s no longer “worried about where you are, or who you will go home to”

Feeling good in my skin, I just keep on dancin'

He’s saying he’s gonna just keep having as good a time as he can, “kids in the kitchen listen to dance hall” I think dancing represents freedom of play to him, I think he gets in touch with his inner child when he dances

And if we're here long enough, We'll see it's all for us

To me he’s saying to his person, look at it all, this world, this music, this story, the world is our oyster, this is all for us, all for you, if you hold out you’ll see things differently, maturing is a beautiful thing in the way your understanding grows and changes

And it's just another day (and it's just another day)

Even magical people have ordinary days

And if our friends all pass away (ah-ah, ah-ah)

This is morbid randomly out of the blue, but Harry has lost people to suicide in his life. Some maybe to drugs. He lost his stepdad. I think he’s dealt with a lot of loss and he’s had to just keep going.

It's okay (it's okay, it's okay, it's okay)

But it’s okay because we can just make it through this rough time

All we ever want is automatic all the time. All we ever want is auto all of the time

Harry has this theme of feeling robotic (satellite music video) but also “tea with cyborgs” a real disconnect from our own humanity, but he’s saying he recognizes how things take time sometimes. We aren’t robots, we’re humans and part of being human is not having all the answers and being patient, and hoping things get better, he’s letting go of a lot of his need for control

Ultimately I feel like this is a song trying to encourage people that it gets better and we can create the spaces, the homes we longed to have. I think this is a sentiment he has expressed in a few different songs.

[morporkian-cryptid]

🇯🇵Elliott's Japan Trivia Corner🇯🇵

Today we're gonna talk DISEMBOWELMENT! 😃👍

Just kidding. I'm actually going to talk more about the cultural stuff that goes around seppuku, not the actual swish-swish. (Still, CW for suicide and graphic description of death)

For those who aren't aware, seppuku (or hara-kiri) refers to the act of cutting open your stomach, then having someone behead you to shorten your suffering 👍 It was a ritual suicide practiced (mostly) by the samurai, from the Kamakura period (12th century) up until 1991. Yup, you read that right. Seppuku was officially outlawed in 19-fucking-91.

Did you know that, in the Edo era, so many samurai were doing seppuku after the death of their lord, that the government had to ban the practice for that specific case? Fun times.

🤔 So, when can you perform 🗡seppuku🗡 ?

The short answer is: any fucking time you have a problem! 🥳 Boss died? Seppuku! Disagree with landlord? Seppuku! Bowed to someone at the wrong angle and embarrassed yourself? SE-FUCKING-PPUKU!

This form of ritual suicide is meant to either avoid dishonor, or regain lost honor. And in the Edo era you lost your honor like you lost a spare sock.

👉 Originally it was mostly done by warriors in battle to avoid being captured by the enemy.

During the Edo era, after the constant internal wars of the Sengoku period had ended, samurai found themselves without a good reason to show how metal they were by slitting their own stomachs open, and so they invented a bunch of excuses to do it anyway.

👉 As mentioned above, it could be when your lord died and you became a rōnin (a master-less wandering samurai), which apparently wasn't as cool as it is shown in anime, and kinda sucked.

(see the famous story of Lord Asano and the Fourty Seven Ronin)

👉 You could also commit seppuku to formally state your disagreement to your lord. Yes, samurai in the Edo era really went "I recognize the council has made a decision, but given as it is a stupid-ass decision, I've elected to KILL MYSELF ABOUT IT."

That specific practice sometimes even involved taping up your stomach wound, going to see your lord, telling him (respectfully) how much his decision sucked ass, and then un-taping your wound and bleeding out all over his tatami floor.

👉 Seppuku wasn't always exactly a suicide. In fact, most of the people who committed seppuku in the Edo era where condemned to do it in punishment for an offense. It was considered a way for the samurai in question to redeem himself. In fact, sometimes the "cutting your stomach" part was skipped altogether, the knife was replaced with a symbolic fan, and the guy was just beheaded. That was especially the case for court-ordered seppuku, because you don't really want to give a knife to a criminal you're about to execute.

Speaking of 🔥Honor🔥, you know who else could be dishonored forever? The guy cutting off the samurai's head to shorten his suffering! If he did it wrong, he would bring dishonor on himself AND his family for the rest of his life.

That part of seppuku required great swordsmanship, as you were supposed to sever the spinal cord but leave a small strip of skin so the head would remain attached to the body (hello morbid details my old friends...). Because when you order your enemy to commit ritual suicide, the last thing you want is to be assaulted by his flying head. 👹

A little vocabulary clear-up: you've probably heard it called "hara-kiri" more often than "seppuku". In fact, both words mean "cutting the stomach" and refer to the same ritual practice, but seppuku is a formal word used mostly in writing, while hara-kiri is more familiar and used orally.

And to conclude, I am legally obligated to say: DO NOT DO THIS AT HOME! If you have a problem with your boss, resolve it like a mature adult by replacing all their pens with crayons.

[a-mag-a-day]

MAG 98 - mowing the lawn

Glad that at least Tim and Martin are kind of alright together.

Elias wanting Martin to continue reading statements really is super suspicious for the BackupArchivist!Martin theory.

MARTIN "He did suggest I try to get you involved and –" - God, my boss is like this and I hate it… Pushing the task of telling my colleagues what to do onto me. It's not my job to do that, I don't even think it's my place to do that. But if I don't, the work gets stuck on me…

TIM [Sigh] "Look, have you talked to Jon about them?" - Aw, that's so cute. I'm sure at this point Tim totally knows about Martin's crush. Must have happened some time after he thought Jon's seeing Basira?

TIM [Grunts] "Kind of. We tried to talk, but he, he reached for that – Ah, he, he wanted to turn on his recorder. I freaked out a bit" - Also good to see that Jon and Tim at least tried to talk. Wonder why Jon wanted to turn on the tape recorder though…

MARTIN "Yeah, we talked. Not long, he – Y’know, I think he thinks that the distance keeps us safe, you know? Like, like, if he just makes sure that we’re not involved, we’re somehow fine." TIM "He’s an idiot. Look, we didn’t know what that door was, and it still trapped us. Ignorance isn’t going to save anyone." - I mean, Jon is a bit of an idiot [affectionately]. But I don't think that's what Tim meant here?

MARTIN "No, I mean, you’re right, I guess. He was… Y’know, we know about Sasha now, and… he said he doesn’t want to lose anyone else. Like, y’know, it’s his fault." TIM "Isn’t it?" MARTIN "No! No, it isn’t! I mean, you heard Elias… We never really stood a chance." TIM "Yeah. Maybe. But Elias wasn’t actually the one who offered me the job down here." - OFFERED! And YOU TOOK IT. This is a really unhealthy mindset, constantly blaming others, especially for things that are just so out of everybody's hands. I know, Tim's mental health is too far gone at that point to realize this and Jon is an easy target since he was actually very guilty of stalking Tim.

MARTIN "No, I – Sure." - Martin realized there is no possible way of convincing Tim otherwise even when providing him with objective information. Tim has a certain mindset and won't deviate from this so easily. This is also why the deficit model for science communication won't work for a lot of people. The problem roots in cognition.

Hehehe Martin talking to tape recorders as if they are pets xD Does this also count as part of Web!Martin?

"It was an oilskin packet of documents, supposedly from the log-books of Franklin’s lost ship, the HMS Terror." - OMG how have I never noticed this until now (I mean, I know why, because it's an old-ass statement and I always have a hard time following them). By that I mean the mention of the HMS Terror.

"It was a German tome titled Die Nachtstücke" - Almost, Alex. ST in German is pronounced SHT. But he managed the CH and Ü, so props to him.

"and contained several morbid tales by a man named Hoffman." - God, I almost didn't recognize the name. Nobody here just says "Hoffman", it's always E.T.A. Hoffman. I never read any of his works, though someone in my class did a presentation of Das Fräulein von Scuderi. The Cardillac Syndrom described in it always spoke to me (just not to THAT extent xD)

"Far from the comforting friend of children he is so often portrayed as, he was rendered as quite the monster." - tbh, a lot those old German folk or fairytales (for children) were quite brutal and scary. I knew of the Sandman as both as a kid, of this benevolent little being as well as the one punishing kids with their sand until their eyes bled. Thought it was cool.

MARTIN "I wish Jon kept better organised notes because I know he’s mentioned someone called Maxwell Rayner, but I cannot find much in the way of any info –" - I love how both of them complain about the other one's working style xD Interesting, that we now got the information that Rayner seems to be old af.

Hm, is it a coincidence that Martin and Melanie talking about recording statements when he just did one of the Dark and Melanie also did one of the Dark?

MELANIE "Al-Although I was just going to have a talk with Elias, so, uh, maybe I can convince him to cut you some slack." - That's very nice of Melanie. Though I believe she thought they would be rid of Elias in about an hour XD

MELANIE "Right. Fair. Listen, you really look like you could use a drink. Um, me and Basira were just about to pop out. So… do you want to join us?" - Also very nice of her. Glad to see that the archival team sticks a bit more together here.

ELIAS [Chuckles slightly] "I don’t know everything, Melanie. Do you know how exhausting that would be?" - Slight nod to the state he'll be in after the Change? Or how much it's also gonna be a strain on Jon.

ELIAS "Let’s have no more clumsy assassination attempts, alright?" - So, is he alright with not-clumsy assassination attempts? XD

All the Archival assistants are going through a hard time this season. Melanie especially in this episode.

[joycrispy]

Hi, do you have any tips or advice on how to get assessed for ADHD for a woman in her 30s? Thanks in advance and apologies for the sudden message.

Hello! I'm sorry I'm only seeing this message now!! I sincerely hope my response isn't too late. So --I'm not qualified to give medical advice of any kind. All I can do is report on my own experiences, and to be frank...my experiences in this area are disheartening. I had to kick and scream for years to even be assessed by my GP, and then for several more years after that for that assessment to be taken seriously. Since my diagnosis in 2019, I have been receiving treatment for only a cumulative 8 months (and only 3 of them through the GP in question). The gaps in that timeline were filled with the most insulting, time-wasting ableist bullshit imaginable. I won't get into it.

In the end, I had to turn to private healthcare, and while I'm profoundly and infinitely grateful for the care I have since received (stand out example: they initially declined my request to be prescribed an anti-depressant, and just from reading my tone when I said 'okay' to that [heartbreaking] news, the nurse discerned that something was deeply wrong, asked me about it ("What are you feeling?"), and then re-presented my case to the pharmacist with the new information. I had my anti-depressants a day later, and no single act by another person has ever had a greater positive impact on me. I like to think I would have stuck it out no matter what, but there is a chance this person saved my life), the fact remains that I'm paying hundreds of dollars every month for support that is supposed to be free, in my country.

If I didn't have insurance through my work, I would not be able to afford this. That nurse would never have heard me say 'okay.'

So. On top of not being qualified to give medical advice, I don't feel qualified to give encouraging advice, either.

I wish I was.

But...That's just what happened to me. That doesn't mean that's what's going to happen to you. I'm no doomsayer: over these last few years I've met so many kind, compassionate, informed doctors --who were not MY doctors and couldn't help me, but who must have been absolute gifts to their own patients. I hope you will be lucky and get one of these doctors, or REALLY lucky and already have one. Someone who is listening and who knows their shit can make all the difference. One nurse made all the difference for me.

This is the only 'advice' I feel comfortable giving: become as informed about ADHD as you can --the symptoms, co-morbidities, treatments, everything, everything-- before seriously engaging with any doctor about it. That way you're empowered to advocate for yourself, should the need to do so arise. And if the worst happens and your doctor starts blowing smoke up your ass --well, you'll recognize it right away, and you can respond accordingly. Knowledge is protection; protect yourself from what happened to me.

Conversely, you'll also be able to tell when they DO know their shit, and they ARE listening to you. And that moment is so affirming, it's worth studying up for.

The better informed you are --with correct, up-to-date sources-- the more you will trust yourself and the worth and validity of your own experience...which is invaluable when navigating any kind of health issue, but especially disability.

So...yeah.

As for the research itself: I'm going to recommend Dr. Russell Barkley as a starting point. He's the name every competent doctor has given me. A lot of his work is widely available on free platforms like YouTube --anything else, I think I'd better leave to the experts, like him, to say.