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zabiume · 1 month ago

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Hello! I just wanted to ask if you think Orihime might have been a little too complex for the audience that bleach was aimed at? (teenage boys that is). I mainly interact with the bleach fandom on tiktok (the bleach tiktok fandom is horrendous but moving on) the opinion of Orihime is kind of mixed on tiktok, there's a big portion of people who love her, but there's also a big portion of people who hate her. Whenever I get into an argument about her and ask why people think her writing is bad, they always say stuff like; ''she's too emotional/she has too many emotions'' and I'm just like ??? How does that make her a bad character?? To be fair the bleach tiktok fandom has A LOT of internalized misogyny so it's not that suprising that they hate Orihime, but again I wanna hear your opinion because I do feel like people on tiktok trow around the good/bad writing a lot without even really knowing what it means.

this is an interesting question! my joke answer is that it should be illegal to hate orihime😂, but my serious answer is that i feel like there's a difference between enjoying something as an audience member vs enjoying something as a critical reader, so if we're talking about pure enjoyment, it's perfectly okay for people to have preferences and like/hate certain characters based on those preferences. enjoying something as an audience is subjective. for instance, i really can't stand the kuroko no basket movie as a critical reader but i do enjoy it a lot as someone who was there to have a good time! i liked seeing my favorite characters again, i liked seeing them bicker and interact. sometimes stories fulfill simple needs, like "woah! that was a cool fight!" or "some dude had an incredible entrance backed with an incredible OST" and your knee jerk response is to just enjoy it. i have lots of characters that i don't really care about, so it's not surprising to me that orihime is a character lots of people don't care about. it's not a big deal.

but i think critical reading is a little more nuanced than that, especially if we're talking about what "counts" as good writing/bad writing. i don't think there's one particular way to write a Good Female Character, and i think trying to make good female characters a monolith is very bad for writing in general. trying to make any identity a monolith while writing them is obviously bad, and having different kinds of characters is a better indicator of good writing to me, which i would argue that bleach does, to a certain extent. there are lots of female characters in bleach and they're all very different from each other, and we do get to see some interiority, however rich or poor. BUT, i also think it's important to note that kubo does draw women like a freak, and a lot of the fanservice leaves a bad taste in my mouth. it's good to view a series in its totality — what it does well, what's kind of shitty, etc etc. you can acknowledge some of the great character beats for a lot of these female characters but also acknowledge that the story is not free from the author's perception of the world, and of women in particular. yes, a lot of them are interesting and have engaging storylines, but sometimes they are here to be Sexy keeping a specific kind of reader in mind (male) and orihime is not free from that kind of depiction, though she is nowhere near the only bleach character to be a "victim" of that! even ignoring the fanservice aspects of it, we could always make an argument about certain storylines and have those criticisms be valid, but it's important to do that in good-faith, which is what i mean by seeing a story in its totality!

and this is where the point you bring up comes in, because i think a lot of fans don't account for their own internalized misogyny, and how much accountability they have as an audience in writing certain characters off, especially if they're pushing goal posts that they wouldn't for male characters. yes, it's important to be critical, but you have to be critical of the series in a way that suits the genre. bleach is a shonen, which is historically a genre that appeals to the lowest common denominator of people — which means it's not going to be a transcendent, transgressive indie work of art that has radical things to say about gender and society and capitalism or whatever. if you want that, you have to pick up a manga that does that and assess how effectively or ineffectively it achieves those goals. as it stands, i think it's cruel to expect things from a story that it never even set out to do.

i know this is getting long, but my point is that when i look at orihime, i'm not holding her to the same standards that i would a character from a shoujousei or a seinen. i'm looking at her in relation to other characters in bleach, and seeing how effectively or ineffectively she fulfills her role in the story. and, if i'm allowed to be controversial: i think she's an amazing character for what her role is supposed to be! she's a love interest in a shonen, which should have doomed her from the start, but nope! she's got great relationships with characters other than ichigo, she has flaws, she has a complex belief system that is taken seriously + sometimes challenged/sometimes validated by the narrative, some of the biggest themes in bleach like the rain or the heart are explained through her, she has at least one pivotal scene in every arc (even when the plot of that arc isn't centered around her), and we get such a rich view of her inner life in every chapter centered around her. we know so much about her — from silly things like what she likes to watch and eat, to major things, like who she want to be, what she believes in, what her fears are. we get to spend so much time with her. she gets to have an antagonistic relationship with a character without actually being a full-fledged fighter. even the most bitter of orihime haters i've seen have at least acknowledged how iconic her moral clash with ulquiorra was, and the scene where he accepts defeat in front of her (he WAS accepting defeat and telling her he was wrong btw; you can't take a non-romance moment, convert it into a romantic moment, and then cry about how orihime's plotlines are only ever centered on romance. YOU are doing that, not her!), is routinely seen as one of the most iconic bleach scenes of all time. speaking of iconic scenes, orihime is in some of the most memorable bleach fights even when she's not an active participant, and a lot of times, her presence leads to a major change in how the battle is going

[literally 3/4 of those fights have a major moment with her in it, and they're voted 1st, 3rd and 4th place. yes, those were ichigo's fights but his relationship with orihime is at least hinted at or mentioned in of THREE OF THEM]

it's also worth noting just how seriously the narrative takes her feelings. we see orihime happy, angry, sad, jealous and she's allowed to be it so openly and sincerely, even at the risk of ridicule. she's allowed to cheer people up, but she doesn't exist just to do that! there are so many scenes where she's in need of comforting, where she needs reassurance, and she gets to be a scared, insecure teenager just as much as ichigo does. she's bright and vivacious, she's defiant, she's loud, she's a dreamer and a yearner, she's lonely, she's emotional, and she's so, so warm and kind and human. like, i'll be honest, so many shonen fans seem to think girls can either be tomboys or shy/submissive, but they're the ones boxing characters into those stereotypes when they don't even fit (orihime ESPECIALLY doesn't fit into either category but i've seen so many people do that)

and like, yeah, kubo can be a weirdo, but he defended her, and he considered her important enough to acknowledge her growth, even when he was running short of time. and he could have so easily made orihime's envy of rukia this catty thing of like. oooh girls are falling over themselves for ichigo, they're FIGHTING for him, but he doesn't...do that. he allows orihime to be insecure without making her the butt of a joke, and he allows her the complexity her feelings deserve. and he gave rukia enough respect to have orihime want to be her friend, even as she navigated her complicated feelings about her.

and these are all OUTSIDE of her role as a love interest. as a love interest, she's basically perfect. she has meaningful and thematic parallels with ichigo, she has so many heartfelt moments with him, her confession is almost universally loved by normal people, and ichigo is so kind to her that you never feel like she picked someone who doesn't value her or respect her. these are definitely bare minimum things, but again, i'm judging it by shonen standards, and by shonen standards, she is very, very lucky. i can work with this much material, this is good enough for me, but if people's standards are higher then maybe it's not hitting for them idk! maybe their expectations for good writing were different! at the end of the day, i think it's a good thing for characters to be widely discussed because it just means there's a lot to talk about, and that's always a good thing, but let me just plug my favorite tweet to summarize my thoughts on the matter

#replace selena with orihime. wouldve done it myself but i'm too scared to open photoshop...my laptop's fans start acting up #anyway anon your first mistake was taking people on tiktok seriously. dont do that to yourself <3 #it's very funny when 50% of her criticism is that she's too much of a comic-relief & the other 50% is that she's a crybaby #like...which is it? you can't have both😂those are literally opposite things #asks #orihime inoue

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lemonhemlock · 3 months ago

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I think the thing that bothers me the most about Alicent’s betrayal of Aegon is that it’s essentially a mother giving up her disabled son to death so she can be ‘free’.

I have a few disabled family members, and have unfortunately heard people say to their parents to just put them in a care home so they (the parents) can ‘have their lives back’. I don’t think Condal/Hess meant for that meaning, and perhaps I’m being too sensitive, but it infuriated me because there is already so much ableism in this show (that they’ve made worse from the books in some cases), and this was I think my final straw to keep watching this show.

No, you're right, on a human level, if Alicent Hightower were a real person, we should be appalled if she acted the way she did in Season 2. This is a sensitive subject that this gaggle of writers isn't really interested in tackling properly, so I hope these blunders don't stick in your mind for too long. You decision to abandon it is completely understandable.

One indication that they are out of their depth is how they never stopped to think how it would look to eliminate the sympathy or understanding from the side who basically has all the disabled characters and then paint them all as doomed because they were not 'progressive' enough.* Another indication is how they practically pigeonholed the character of Helaena into a very stock autistic-coded box and did not bother to give her any interiority or motivations or present her in any way that doesn't infantilise this almost-20-year-old young woman. Aemond, of course, was sidelined this season after a very successful introduction in S1 that advanced him more than a cartoon mustache-twirling villain. Much has been written about Larys even before S2 aired, so I won't revisit that discourse right now, as this post is already too long.

*not meant as a dig against progressive politics, but as a comment on how HotD views progressive to mean 'stan of Rhaenyra', who is not a disruptor of the patriarchal status-quo by any quantifiable means.

A delicate topic such as this one is always going to split opinion and cause controversy and I think that sometimes a lot of feelings can be hurt by untactful takes and can cause many minority, underrepresented groups to feel even more unseen and disenfranchised. I personally hope I can convey my thoughts on the matter in a way that doesn't alienate the members of these groups, but sometimes even I lack the best words to properly express myself.

I would like to point out that, on the one hand, in the ASOIAF universe and especially in such a chapter like the Dance of the Dragons, the characters are often very flawed people that flirt with the boundaries of villainy more often than not and end up performing unforgivable acts, be they disabled or not, high born or not, men or women. At this point, such a statement reads more self-evident than not. In this regard, there have been times I've found fans who were exasperated with other segments of the fandom vying for more positive representation when it comes to these oft-ignored character typologies, citing the fact that, on the contrary, endowing them with negative or unpalatable traits emphasizes their humanity and promotes them beyond a stereotypical rendition that can easily be absorbed into some kind of artificial, formulaic 'woke' quota in media.

However, I think we should remember that for people who are part of these minority groups, whose lived experiences are marred by discrimination and harmful prejudices, these narrative arguments can (even unintentionally) feel callous or exclusionary. It not easy or encouraging to see how you are almost always represented on screen in a way that is reprehensible or ignoble or detrimental in some way - that is, in the few cases when the text in question is inclusive enough to even remember you exist.

In such a context, I have to recognise and acknowledge that, as a white / cis / able-bodied person myself, it is way easier for me to simply rely on narrative merit, because I am represented so much in media that I have the luxury of many stories catered personally for me, both heroic and villainous, and I can simply choose what to engage with if relatability becomes a problem. And it would feel inhospitable and condescending for me to simply expect the members of underrepresented groups to 'get over it' because it makes sense in the context of the story.

A while ago there was a viral post that I keep referencing back in these situations because I think it's the best explanation for this type of divide: the watsonian / doylist interaction of critiques. As such, disenfranchised characters can be portrayed in an unsympathetic manner within any story, but, at the same, the real-life individuals from that group have the right to feel estranged and frustrated by that portrayal, because they don't consume media in a void and, for them, it isn't a hypothetical situation that they can subordinate to the priorities of storytelling. They should also have the space to express that discontent within fandom without having to be involuntarily accused of wanting to moralize or sanitize the media landscape. I think that we should start accepting that both things can be true and integrate that sentiment within our analyses.

That being said, since Alicent is not a real person, in the second part of this post I would like to dismantle the potential argument regarding the right to tell stories about awful people and how a woman being a bad mother or a bad person fits that bill. As I said, in principle, I agree with the sentiment. But I don't believe that the writers were at all successful in pulling this off. Their storytelling skills have proved inadequate and they were unable to craft a believable arc for Alicent to justify her so drastically shifting her entire world view in a few short weeks. And, by 'believable' I absolutely don't mean something naturalistic in the framework of the 21st century on Earth where dragons and magic don't exist; I mean plausible and reasonable behaviour for a human person in the confines of the fictional universe in which they operate.

I'm all for villainstanning and difficult female characters, but this season should have taken Alicent from

point A: doing everything in her power to put Aegon on the throne and even shielding his body from the dragon Meleys

point B: offering him to Rhaenyra for execution

in the span of weeks.

This season should have given her a proper motivation to basically hand over her male children to the person married to the assassin of her grandson. If nothing else, Alicent should have demanded Daemon's head. Speaking of which, there is no way to delve into Alicent's psyche, into the mind of a person in her position, after years of paranoia about a loose-cannon like Daemon (a notoriously disliked figure in Westeros), and arrive at the conclusion that, yes, Daemon as King consort would somehow be a better solution for the realm than any of her sons. It's just not. Even with rhaenicent rose-tinted glasses, he should have been a dealbreaker. This type of shortcoming makes me think that they can't truly immerse themselves in the mind of a character to properly gauge how someone could react to the events around them.

As such, let's see what disservices were done to Alicent this season that might have made her regret her initial decision. Let's see what the writers think would be reason enough for Alicent to switch sides and undo 20 years of wanting to place Aegon on the throne:

?????

2. Aemond burns Aegon

3. Aemond boots her from the council

4. Smallfolk suffering & revolts

5. Assassination attempt of Rhaenyra

6. Otto booted from the Council

7. she takes a few baths

8. goes camping

9. ??????

10. Dragonseeds

11. Aemond burns Sharp Point (?)

12. Aemond may endanger Helaena

Now let's see the plotholes in Alicent's thinking:

Most of these concern Aemond. Aegon, Criston, Otto, Gwayne and Daeron haven't committed any grievous sin against her that should be punished, yet, by conspiring with Rhaenyra, she would doom them all to their deaths. Even if Alicent is shown to have a complicated relationship with the first four, she has no reason against her 'nice' son Daeron and her brother Gwayne who was deferential and sympathetic to her. Now there is no way to make Queen Alicent Hightower "kind of forget" about Daeron and Gwayne or her Hightower uncle or cousins and not consider they would have to be executed by Rhaenyra/Daemon. If you have to suddenly make a character stupid or amnesic in order to fit your plot point, then it's not a good plot point. And Alicent has never before shown to be either stupid or amnesic. On the contrary, she is an anxious person who worries about everything.

Of course, one can argue Otto has manipulated her throughout her life and she could have reasonably developed feelings of animosity towards him, but he doesn't really factor in show!Alicent's decision at all. She isn't depicted to be thinking about him or to bring him up in any capacity after he leaves for Oldtown. Thus, we can't reasonably be expected to 'fill in the blanks' that Alicent is upset because of something Otto did.

She does not verbalise any opinion about Aegon & Criston sending Ser Arryk to assassinate Rhaenyra. At the end of that same episode, she is shown to slap Criston. But is that because he tried to assassinate Rhaenyra? Is it because Otto was booted from the Council and Criston became the new Hand? Is it because she told him they're not going to have sex anymore and he still came to her chambers? We don't know. They proceed to have another consensual sex scene. Later on, Alicent seems pissed because Criston is not telling her the truth about Rook's Rest. They part on OK terms, even though she is seen to be a little cold, but she does give him her favour. Is she even pissed at Criston? We don't know. Could she possibly be pissed enough at him that she would doom him to his death? No, I don't think that's reasonable to assume based on what we've seen. Show, don't tell. Golden rule of storytelling. In this case, neither did they show, nor did they tell.

I hesitate to assign Alicent any particular concern for the well-being of the smallfolk beyond a general sentiment to reduce bloodshed and not cause suffering on a grand scale. But individually? She is portrayed in Season 1 wanting to help Dyana and being affected by her situation. She tries to stop the guards from cutting off a man's hand during the riots, that is true. But she also allowed Larys to basically torture / execute her household staff without nary a thought. So which is it?

Coming back to Aemond. He remains the main point of contention. I am going to ignore his cartoonification this season, but, let us accept, for the sake of the argument, that Alicent did not realise how unstable he is and that now she regrets facilitating a situation in which he has so much power. If she has the power to make the guards surrender, like she tells Rhaenyra, then she is not as powerless as she laments, is she not? Then she could possibly even stage a coup against Aemond and arrest him. The fact that Aegon did not do so the minute he became conscious is another plothole. Aemond is one man with no network or friends because of his anti-social and anti-politics behaviour. He has a dragon but his access to her is restricted if he needs to ride a horse for several miles outside of the city to get to her. When he is inside the castle, as skilled a warrior as he is, he is still only one man. Him still being Prince Regent after Aegon wakes up is preposterous.

Larys does bring up the fact that without Vhagar, the greens are terribly outmatched at the moment when it comes to dragon warfare. That is true. But, if Aemond is a loose cannon who is threatening the life of the King and Queen, he cannot stay un-arrested. There's no reason they couldn't have kept it hushed for a while to buy some more time either. If Alicent is so sorry for what Aegon went through, she could have sued for peace after Aemond's ass was in a jailcell. But she makes no attempt to protect him from his supposed assassin. Her being overwhelmed with Rhaenyra's dragon superiority after Vhagar is out of commission would make more sense as a motivation for the second rhaenicent scene, it would give her more agency and not need her to abandon Aegon and the rest of her family all of a sudden.

But Aemond can't suddenly be removed from the narrative like that, because he has a part to play later on. Of course, in the books, there's not a lot to cling to when it comes to regicide. The narrator makes no such claim, nor is anyone else recorded to do so. Alicent is not upset with Aemond. Aemond doesn't attempt to kill Aegon during his long convalescence. You can argue it's not clear cut because Vhagar fell upon both Sunfyre and Meleys from above, but all three of them are reported to crash into the ground. Vhagar is old and slow, there is no certainty that she could have been sprightly enough to stop just in time so as to not crash fatally. It is not impossible to read this excerpt and think that Aemond may have tried to rid himself of his brother under the guise of battle. It is also equally possible to read Aemond's actions as a rash, dangerous move that could have ended in his death as well. It is self-preservation to let Sunfyre and Meleys kill each other. It is not self-preservation to rely on Vhagar's agility to save your life at the last moment. However, whichever way a screenwriter would like to go, Alicent can't suspect that Aemond tried to kill his brother or that he would place her beloved daughter in danger, because she would then act differently! This is another example of changing elements for the sake of changing them and not allowing the natural consequences of those changes to materialize because they would modify the sequence of events too much.

Like Rhaenyra in the sept scene, Alicent seems to be the worst negotiator ever. She doesn't get one concession from Rhaenyra when she goes to Dragonstone. Is that fair and unbiased storytelling? Helaena and Jaehaera's lives were never truly at stake, since they are girls and could always be married back into the black branch of the family. Why execute them when they could become useful? Alicent should know this, yet they need her again to be stupid and forgetful because she went to a live laugh love retreat in the woods. There is no attempt to truly settle this diplomatically. The scene is just a new pretext to humiliate Alicent and have her grovel at Rhaenyra's feet.

Below I am going to dismantle the narrative decisions regarding the dragonseeds.

Bear in mind that if we are to have 4 seasons of this story, then the sides must remain balanced for quite some time. Someone should tell the writers that biases and preferences are irrelevant because if the force differences become too great, the war ends and there will be no story left to milk.

The unavoidable truth of the matter is that the writers overpowered the blacks too much at this stage and this decision ended up massively affecting the plot. As it stands, the dragon parity at the end of the season became 2:7 - Vhagar & Tessarion vs Syrax, Caraxes, Arrax, Moondancer, Seasmoke, Vermithor & Silverwing. Out of these, Syrax was never truly considered a potential threat in battle. She is notoriously useless, does not hunt and does not fly in bad weather. Baela also rode Moondancer a grand total of one time at the end of the conflict and was never counted as a force during the war. They made Rhaenyra and Baela active dragonriders, but they refuse to do the same for Helaena to balance the forces a little bit more (Dreamfyre is a very large dragon, probably on par with Silverwing and a little smaller than Vermithor).

The book parity at this point was still unbalanced, but at the very least GRRM realised that and tried to mitigate it by moving the Battle of the Gullet close to the Sowing and making Ulf and Hugh betray Rhaenyra's side. Book!Alicent doesn't have to sue for peace because the greens get a fighting chance. I still think the Dance in the books suffers greatly from non-sensical military strategies and division of resources, but it surpasses the show with flying colours.

Let us return, however, to show!Alicent's POV. For a fictional universe famous for its amount of politicking, there is little to none in this adaptation. The writers are trying to sell us the idea that Alicent has to give up her disabled son for the good of the Realm or, like anon said, to "be free". Authorial intent is unclear on this point, but there is at least the germination of the idea that Alicent is "sacrificing" something - her family, her own ambitions etc - because she is desperate and there are no other options open to her. But is that true?

If the writers refuse to make Helaena a combatant because of reasons only they understand, even if they have no problem performing ~girlboss changes like that for TB (yes, I'm bitter about it), they could have at least given the greens the upper hand in politicking. But they don't because I'm not really sure they understand the universe they write for or posses that level of imagination. Why don't they have, say, spies in the Vale that report Aegon the Younger and his brother Viserys are on their way to Pentos as we speak? Alicent could have been shown to plot for them to be intercepted with the help of the Triarchy secured by Tyland.

Why doesn't she try to find out who these dragonseeds are. Can they be bribed? Do they have weaknesses? Ulf has a wife, no? Is there some way to use their friends and family against them and make them turn sides? Does Vaemond Velaryon not have any disgruntled relatives that have a bone to pick with Rhaenyra & Corlys and would be appalled by the decision to make Addam the heir to Driftmark? (in the books he did and they actually fought for the green side). Can they not try to assassinate one of Addam, Corlys, Seasmoke or Rhaenyra?

Alicent being involved in any of these plots would have been a more satisfying progression to her story that would have allowed her to remain relevant and maintain her screen time. Even her having a little more dignity and attempting genuine peace talks would have been more believable if she at least stuck to her guns when it comes to her family's lives, especially the son she herself placed on the throne and the one who turned out gentle and kind and has not wronged her in any way. But, of course, the show in that moment pretends yet again that Daeron doesn't exist and any other points of contention (like Gwayne and Jaehaerys) are swept under the rug because it would dismantle Rhaenyra's righteous stance. So Aegon is presented as this sacrificial lamb that Alicent must relinquish as the only way forward.

Even though the show has not established any substantial reason for Alicent to object to any tangible decision Aegon has made as king, even though she is specifically shown to regret what happened to him, even though she made no efforts via political maneuvering to mitigate Rhaenyra's advantages and even though it would have been more merciful for her to give Aegon a painless death via milk of the poppy. Instead of being an ambitious and shrewd politician, she is given a nebulous motivation of "finding herself" and discovering feminism, which apparently means her disabled son must be subjected to even more humiliation and pain. It is a very unfortunate framing because the scene invites you to think that Alicent is finally seeing reason and is trying to atone for her mistake of not stanning for Rhaenyra. Yes, Aegon is also portrayed as downtrodden and not deserving of more violence, but Rhaenyra is also not portrayed as being "wrong" to demand for Aegon's head? She is shown in soft lighting, soft-spoken, with tears in her eyes, hurt, wronged and Alicent doesn't argue back. Their parting words are bittersweet and yearning.

How can you make Alicent a selfish character overnight when you have spent so much time painting her the exact opposite and you don't even give her plausible motivations or any breaking point? She doesn't even do anything to try and gain power back for herself, change the things she doesn't like or counteract Rhaenyra's moves before she goes to Dragonstone. Her one attempt is proposing herself for the regency and it's supposed to be this grand moment of her realizing misogyny is real, even though that has been the case her entire life and, as a stand-in for her husband and a Council member, she would have encountered it often as a daily routine when trying to get anything done.

Ergo, I do have to ask again: how does Alicent get from point A to point B exactly?

#ask #anon #storytelling #alicent hightower #long post

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rollercoasterwords · 1 year ago

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PLEASE tell us your barbie opinions!!!!! pls pls i also have opinions

happy 2 share but i will be putting it under a cut bc. a lot of people seem 2 think this movie is god's gift 2 earth and i am not in the mood 2 deal w barbie evangelists lol so if u do not want 2 see barbie movie criticism just scroll away

will preface by saying i enjoyed the movie i thought it was fun etc + i don't think there's anything wrong with enjoying it or finding it fun or even feeling very personally empowered/seen by what the movie had to say. that's all very nice on a personal level and i understand why so many people are finding the movie cathartic.

that being said i do not think the movie was feminist or subversive by a long shot and seeing so many people talk about how radical it was makes me feel like i'm being gaslit!!! like. did we watch different movies lmao. maybe i'd understand a little more why everyone was being taken in if barbie had like, gone to the real world and fought patriarchy in the movie--but she didn't even do that! they introduce the concept of real-world patriarchy only to have barbie go back to barbieland and destroy fake barbie patriarchy (which is rooted simply in one man's insecurity and easily resolved by gently encouraging him to seek self-worth outside his relationship--not exactly a cutting examination of the material investment that men have in patriarchy which makes it so difficult to challenge) and leave real-world patriarchy intact at the end (the big #feminist moment for real women is...mattel's sexist ceo saying he'll use a woman's idea for the next barbie, since he can make a lot of money off it? he doesn't even say he's going to pay her for the idea lmao).

so all in all the whole "barbie destroys patriarchy" bit of the movie just. did not feel particularly feminist to me beyond a very surface level acknowledgment that sexism exists and is bad. and like--i get that it's the barbie movie, and people could say "well of course it can't be that subversive but it did a good job for what it was!!" but i'm just like. ok yeah then let's call it what it was...instead of calling it subversive?? also every feminist message the movie tried to champion was immediately undermined by its fundamental investment in gender essentialism, which remains unchallenged throughout the whole film. like--barbies are literally canonically sexless and so u can't even try to argue that the gender binary which their society is based around is anything but 100% socially constructed, and we see that that gender binary affords privilege to some and not to others and also leads to ostracization of those who fail to conform to it, yet the happy ending of the movie is barbieland just...staying that way. and i feel like the movie then kinda says the quiet part out loud when barbie becomes a "real woman" by getting a vagina like...ok. lol

so like. even the interior politics of the film i struggle to understand how it could be considered groundbreaking feminism; and then when we zoom out and look at the material impact of the movie that just cements it as un-feminist to me. this is a really good article about the beauty standards being pushed + perpetuated by barbie marketing, and of course as with basically any hollywood movie the rich (and mostly rich men) will be getting richer, cycles of consumerism will be perpetuated, etc. honestly the "feminist" aspect of the film almost feels insidious to me in this context, as if it's meant to provide the catharsis of feeling like there's been some big challenge to patriarchy while quietly reinforcing the systems of oppression it publicly decries.

and like. at the end of the day i was not expecting barbie to be a subversive feminist film nor do i think it like...has a responsibility to be one. and it's nice that so many people feel like they're getting something out of it! but i think it's important to evaluate both the personal and societal impact of the media we're critiquing, and in that context it just seems silly to me to claim that barbie is subversive. i also find the amount of rhetoric i've seen about how the movie "encapsulates the female experience" so fucking irritating lmfao like...i am sorry but the idea that watching a group of hyperfeminine women flirt with men as a method of destroying patriarchy (<- not an exaggeration that is literally the plot. flirt with each other's boyfriends to make them jealous so they fight each other. zero lesbians in barbieland i suppose) is THE quintessential experience of #womanhood...well alright then.

anyway. there is more i could say but i am going 2 get dinner w a friend so. stopping here <3 not gonna post the link but i do have a full/in-depth review on my substack if u wanna poke around over there!

#ask #ranting and raving #spoilers #also found the 'self-awareness' somewhat insufferable #'oh hehe we're having margot robbie talk about how ugly she is!! silly us!!' shut up....please...

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eleemosynecdoche · 1 year ago

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Nah. ASOIAF is just reveling in the brutality of the imagined past. You can look at the Dothraki, or the way that child molestation and violent rape are more socially condoned than they were in high medieval Western Europe, to see that. It's all of a piece. Apologists talk about how this is because of the Romantic overtones- lower lows to get higher highs. That doesn't really scan for me, but regardless, it's not really about accurately depicting retinue-of-retinue armies.

And one way you can tell this is the case is looking at who does engage in looting, foraging, and pillaging. It's sadistic monsters like Amory Loach, Gregor Clegane, and the Bloody Mummers (the latter two conspicuously dehumanized) who engage in this raiding, with some truisms about "war is hell" to assure us the Starks have done the same. Robb Stark the Young Wolf never gives orders to go and rob peasants of their food, we never get any kind of close-up on the results of his jolly heroic raid into Lannister lands, and the Night's Watch aims for a series of good stand-up fights to defeat Mance's army in detail, rather than attacking their stomach in this precarious northern land.

In other words, the depredations of armies in ASOIAF are done by inhuman villains or faceless nobodies. It's very much a post-Vietnam series of books, but one of the ways in which it is that is that it acknowledges the horrors of the Vietnam War while trying to deflect responsibility for or involvement with them. My Lai was the product of William Calley and his platoon, rather than an exceptionally bad instance of what American troops did to Vietnamese civilians many times, driven by a complex assembly of policies including Taylorizing warfare, making bodycount a KPI, fostering alienation from the Vietnamese general population, etc. etc. And which were done by otherwise ordinary people.

I want to contrast this with Glen Cook's Black Company novels, especially the first three. In the first book, there's an episode where the titular group have defeated several enemy military units, one of which is all women, and the narrator/POV character stops to have a metatextual comment that yes, he's aware he's censored out the morally hideous things this mercenary group does, such as raping adult women, and that he can only offer pitiful excuses for doing so, because he feels a need to defend his fellow soldiers. And that one of the other characters has threatened to take the book away and write the "real story".

And then there are other episodes, which make it clear that these characters do have lines that they won't cross, and that women are quite capable of sexually victimizing other women. We even get a recurring minor character attempting to sexually harass a major character in disguise, and after she beats him up, he's then chewed out by his superior. He has not been presented as a slavering creep before this point.

And at the same time, at this point the characters are all in the service of a teenage/early 20s disabled woman, and no indication is made that they see her as a potential target for sexual violence, because she's seen as one of them.

Cook understands sexual violence as driven by structural factors and the desire to express dominance most of all, and as something which is done not just by slavering monsters (which there are quite a few of in these books) but also by ordinary human beings with interiority and charm and the qualities of being a decent person otherwise. These are not, I would say, works of explicit feminist fantasy, but they have a feminist outlook in their worldview that's somehow aged well through the intervening decades, though we understand YesAllMen's problems now. And this feminist outlook is transmitted in part through thinking through, "How could good American boys who played baseball and had teenage sweethearts and listened to Howlin' Wolf on the radio late at night and noodled around with a guitar go over to Vietnam and do all those horrible things?"

Black Company is in its own way more traditional high fantasy fiction- it has evil sorcerers and sorceresses, reincarnated heroines, cosmological signifiers of heroic deeds- than ASOIAF. Where it does things more interestingly is not in "subverting the tropes" or whatever, but in using fantasy as a vehicle to think about these concepts.

#black company #fantasy fiction #a song of ice and fire #criticism #tw rape discussion

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armylily · 2 years ago

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14. What's Loki's Plan?

~(Y/N POV)~

After a few seconds of silence on the aircraft, the strange costumed man introduced himself to me.

"Ma'am, it's an honor to meet you. I'm Steve Rogers or Captain America. I never thought I would be able to meet you."

He extended his hand out to me so I set my gloved hand into his.

"I feel as if I do not need to introduce myself," I laugh and continue, "It's nice to meet you too, Sir Rogers."

Steve smiles a handsome smile that seemed to set butterflies in my stomach. Why does HE have to be handsome? I shake his hand and tighten my grip but not too tight to hurt him. He grips my hand back with strength and I smirk. He's cool.

I let go of Steve's hand and looked at the red and gold armored man. His helmet was off but the rest of his suit was still on. His cheek had a bruise on it and I felt terrible, although it may have been Thor. I can't help but think that I did that. I feel a hand on my left wing as I walk to the man.

I looked to my side to see Steve looking at my feathers in admiration and running his fingers through my primary coverts and my primaries. I then lightly slap his cheek and he looks at me with a shocked face. I smile and turn back to the man.

"I do apologize for my actions. Do forgive me, sir..?"

He looks at me with a smirk and replies, "Now you're making me feel old by saying sir, doll. Just call me yours."

I feel my cheeks turn red as he said the last sentence. I can't say that he doesn't look handsome, which he does but he's acting like Thor when we first met.

I decided to play along, "Alright, Sir Yours. I'm Lady (Y/N) or Guardian. And I can reassure you, I'm older than you."

He looks at me confused, making me smile. I then make my way back to Thor and he shoots me a smirk. I lightly slap his arm with a smile. He leans down to my level and laughs.

"His name is Tony Stark or Man of Iron." I look at Tony and nod to Thor.

One of the two people flying the aircraft spoke up, "Hey, angel face."

I look at the beautiful woman with red hair and a sharp look on her face. I smile shyly at her reflection in the mirror and she smiles softly.

"Call me Nat."

I nod at her in acknowledgment with a blush on my cheeks. Why do women have such a significant effect on me than some men??

The other pilot says, "Welcome to the S.H.I.E.L.D. Helicarrier."

I walk up to the glass in curiosity to see a marvelous and large aircraft. I softly gasp in awe at the sight but didn't see Nat look up at me with a smile. The plane I'm on had landed on the top of the aircraft and the rear hatch slowly opened.

I started walking and Tony went in front of me, bowed, and said, "After you."

I look at him with a raised eyebrow and smile. He just looks up at me and smiles a quite flirtatious smile. I nod to him and walk off to see a few more aircrafts similar to the one I rode on. I can't see much because of the dark. As I wait for Thor, Steve walks up to me and I show him a small smile.

"Ms. (Y/N). If you don't mind, I'd like to ask you a few questions," Steve asks with a hint of shyness.

I smile and nod, signaling to him that it's okay. He lets out a sigh of relief and shifts to my right side, slightly brushing my wing. He continues to walk so I follow after. I turn my head slightly to see Loki walk away with guards beside him and he looks at me with a mischievous smile.

I quickly look forward, trying to remember Steve's question.

"I'm sorry, Sir Rogers but would you mind repeating the question? I was just amazed by the interior of the Helicarrier."

He smiles and replies with a yes.

"How did you survive? The battle I mean. I read in Norse myths that you were either lost in battle or known as deceased."

I let out a sigh and shrug my shoulders.

"I, myself, do not know how I am still alive but all that matters is that I am on your side in dealing with Loki."

I look at him with a hopeful smile while he looks at me with a wide smile and gentle eyes.

Steve blinks a few times and looks away. He asks again, "Another one of my questions was how did you get your wings??"

I feel my legs slow down a little as I look down in growing sadness. I could feel Steve's gaze on my body language and he stutters out an apology. I put my pointer finger on his lips to shut him up.

"It's alright, Steve. I gained them from my birth parents leaving me as a child. There's no way to sugarcoat it. It was very traumatic for 7-year-old me and I wish for you to keep your mouth shut about it."

I look up from the ground and to Steve, who held a shocked expression with a noticeable blush. He nods and I pull my hand away.

Steve stutters his question out, "This is my last one, uhm...Do you have a certain someone?"

I look up at him in confusion, not entirely understanding his question.

"I mean..like..like a boyfriend or husband....girlfriend maybe..?" I make an 'o' face and smile at the thought of my Brunnhilde.

The smile vanished as I think that after the time I was taken by Hela, Bruunhilde must have moved on. Maybe found a husband or wife and had children. No, Bruunhilde doesn't like children. Although, she may have changed throughout the years. Or maybe, she got so low, that she...No. I don't want to think about that.

I reply, "I did. Her name is Brunnhilde. The toughest woman I know. She looks off-standish and rude on the outside but that's what drew me to her. She's really a big softie with a heart worth more than any riches. I don't know where she is or if she still lives or if she moved on."

I feel a large hand rub my left shoulder to comfort me. I look up at Steve with a sad smile as a door opens. A short-haired brunette walked up to Steve and me.

"Welcome back, Captain. And you are?"

I put my hand out for her to shake and introduce myself.

"I am Lady (Y/N) or Guardian. I'm here on behalf of Thor as I am to protect him. And you are, my lady?"

I'm not sure why but she gripped my hand tightly and smiled at me like Brunnhilde used to do. I nervously smile and Steve sets his left hand on her shoulder.

She seems to snap out of her trance and replies, "Agent Hill, ma'am, but you can call me Maria. If you want to!"

I smile, let go of her hand, and nod. She looks at Steve and walks away without another word. I raise an eyebrow at Steve but he just smiles and leads me to a chair surrounding a large table.

I shake my head in protest and say, "I'd rather stand so you may have it."

He lets out a sigh and obliges. Thor walks to the small staircase so I walk over to him and I noticed his cape was off and on a chair. Perhaps I should get comfortable as well.

I ask in concern, "Are you troubled, Odinson?"

Thor turns around and smiles softly but it fades. I felt that I asked an obvious question and wanted to smack my forehead in frustration.

Thor lets out a sigh and says, "Yes, I am. Loki may be dangerous and ruthless but I cannot help but think that I could have had a part to play in his personality now. If I had just not been so prideful in my younger years and watched out for him, maybe he would've been different."

I frown slightly and rub his back to soothe him. It's good to know your problems and toxic traits in your personality. I then see an electronic showing camera footage of Loki and another man. They seem to be talking but I could not hear until I heard them talking from behind me. I turn around to see a man with glasses and a purple shirt looking down at a tablet with uneasiness.

"In case it's unclear if you try to escape, you so much as scratch that glass," I hear something opening and see Loki looking out and down. Must be a drop then.

The man continues, "it's 30,000 feet straight down in a steel trap. You get how that works?" He closes the trap door.

"Ant. Boot" I slightly tilt my head in confusion as to what he meant but then Loki chuckles.

He speaks, "It's an impressive cage. Not built, I think, for me." I furrow my eyes in confusion again.

If it isn't made for Loki, then who?

Loki starts to slowly walk around the cage and the other man replies.

"Built for something a lot stronger than you."

"Oh, I've heard."

Loki then turns to the camera I'm watching from.

He walks up to the camera and continues, "A mindless beast. Makes play he's still a man. How desperate are you, that you call on such lost creatures to defend you?"

I frown at his words but remain still.

The man walks up to the glass wall in front of Loki and says, "How desperate am I? You threaten my world with war. You steal a force you can't hope to control. You talk about peace, and you kill because it's fun. You have made me very desperate. You might not be glad that you did."

Loki winces mockingly, "It burns you to have come so close. To have the Tesseract, to have power, unlimited power. And for what?"

He turns to the camera again and continues, "A warm light for all mankind to share. And then to be reminded what real power is."

There was a few seconds of silence from the camera footage before the other man walks away.

He says while leaving, "Well, let me know if "real power" wants a magazine or something."

I am so confused. What's a magazine, who is that man, and what is ant boot??

Loki looks at the camera so I move away from the large tablet showing him. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and felt some stress leave my body. I shake my wings a little and stand up taller. It can't be any straighter cuz I'm not straight.

"He really grows on you, doesn't he?"

I turn to see the man with the glasses and purple shirt fidgeting nervously. He can't be just a citizen so how is he here? Perhaps, he has powers? Curiosity begins to grow within me as the feeble man shifts his gaze at me. I unconsciously smile at him and wave.

A blush shows up on his face as he slowly waves back.

"Loki's gonna drag this out. So, Thor, (Y/N), what's his play?", asks Steve as he looks at me and Thor with an uncertain expression.

I decided to take my helmet off to let my hair (down/out). I sigh in relief as I shake my head a few times.

I set my helmet down as Thor responds, "He has an army called the Chitauri. They're not of Asgard, nor any world has known. He means to lead them against your people. They will win him the Earth."

I finish his sentence with, "For that in return, we suspect, for the Tesseract."

I look at Steve with a serious expression and he has a slightly shocked face.

"An army...from outer space."

He said it as if he doesn't believe it. As if a supposedly dead warrior angel and two demigods aren't in the same place as him. Although, if I were to be in his situation, I would be more confused than the Midgardian slang.

The purple-shirt man said, "So, he's building another portal. That's what he needs Erik Selvig for."

Thor looks at him in confusion, "Selvig?" It sounds like he knows the man.

The other man replies, "He's an astrophysicist."

My brain is slow so I'm thinking that he studies the stars. Perhaps, he has found Asgard at some point! Or maybe Asgard found him.

Thor says, "He's a friend."

So they do know each other! I wonder how they met.

Nat speaks up, "Loki has him under some kind of spell..along with one of ours..."

She looks away at the last part of her sentence. Is she close with the said agent? That must be hard for her, to have a close friend turned against you.

Steve demands, "I want to know why Loki let us take him. He's not leading an army from here."

I nod at that, Loki is a very powerful being so it confuses me as well.

Perhaps, he's just a distraction for his team to take over the Helicarrier??

No, that doesn't seem likely.

The other man interjects, "I don't think we should be focusing on Loki. That guy's brain is a bag full of cats. You can smell crazy on him."

I feel a little frustrated at his words, as I do not know what cats are but apparently, they smell strange.

Thor speaks up, "Have care for how you speak! Loki is beyond reason but he is of Asgard. And he's my brother."

I shake my head slightly at his stupidity. Family or not, he's a lunatic, Thor. I'm sure you know that but your thick skull won't let your brain figure that out.

Nat then tells him, "He killed 80 people in two days."

I look at Thor with a 'Ya see?!" face but he just ignores it.

"He's adopted."

I give myself a facepalm at his words. This is really the demigod I'm protecting.

"I think it's about the mechanics. Iridium... What do they need the iridium for?", says the man in the purple shirt.

I really need to figure out his name, I'm kinda annoyed but shy to ask.

Tony walks in with Mr. Coulson(he insists I call him that), talking about something.

He yells out, "It's a stabilizing agent. It means the portal won't collapse on itself like it did at S.H.I.E.L.D. No hard feelings, Dollface, and Point Break. You both pack a mean swing."

As he says that last part, he walks up to me and pats my hair and then to Thor and pats his shoulder.

I feel a small smile of encouragement rising on my face at the compliment. I'm still as good as I was when I was younger!

Tony continues as he walks by the little touchy computers, "Also, it means the portal can open as wide and can stay as long, as Loki wants. Raise the mizzenmast. Jib the topsails."

I raise my eyebrow in confusion at his words. Ugh, I wish I could stay here to learn about the language. Maybe I should stay, it isn't that bad here.

"That man is playing Galaga."

I look at who he was pointing at in confusion but found no one who could be playing this Galaga. Although, I see Steve is looking around too so I don't feel so left out.

Tony continues on his rant, "Thought we wouldn't notice, but we did." He then puts his left hand to his face and stutters.

He looks at Maria in question, "How does Fury even see these?"

She replies, "He turns."

"Sounds exhausting."

I couldn't help but giggle at that. Tony can turn, he's just japing.

He turns around to a touchy tablet and continues again, "The rest of the raw materials, Agent Barton can get his hands on pretty easily. The only major component he still needs is a power source of high energy density."

As he stopped talking for a second, I see his hand go under the tablet. Hmm, must've put something there. It's slightly suspicious but maybe it's for a good cause. I look up at him, silently asking 'what did you put there?' and he subtly winks. I failed to hide my small smile, staying silent about his action.

He finishes his speech, "Something to kick-start the Cube."

"When did you become an expert on thermonuclear astrophysics?", asks Maria.

Those were big words for my slow brain.

Tony replies nonchalantly, "Last night. The packet, Selvig's notes, and the extraction theory papers. Am I the only one who did the reading?" My left wing twitched in awkwardness and I felt a little embarrassed.

Steve speaks up as I follow Tony's movements, "Does Loki need any particular kind of power source?"

The other man informs, "He would have to heat the Cube to 120 million Kelvin just to break through the Coulomb barrier."

That sounds very hot.

Tony says, "Unless, Selvig has figured out how to stabilize the quantum tunneling effect."

"Well, if he could do that, he could achieve heavy ion fusion at any reactor on the planet.", says the surprisingly smart man.

Tony says as he walks towards him, "Finally, someone who speaks English."

"Is that what just happened?", Steve asks in utter confusion.

I look at him with the same confusion on my face and shrug.

Tony shakes the man's hand and says, "It's good to meet you, Dr. Banner."

So that's his name! I'm happy I could hear it or else I would feel awkward talking to him. Tony has a short conversation with Banner when Fury walks in.

"Dr. Banner is only here to track the Cube. I was hoping you might join him."

Perhaps I should ask him, Mr. Banner, about himself and his profession. He's smart like Tony so he may have answers to my questions about Earth and its language!

Steve says, "I should start with that stick of his. It may be magical but it works an awful lot like a HYDRA weapon." I never felt so confused in my entire life.

Fury replies, "I don't know about that, but it is powered by the Cube. And I would like to know how Loki used it to turn two of the sharpest men I know into his personal flying monkeys."

WILL MY CONFUSION CEASE?!?!!?

I and Thor spoke at the same time, "Monkeys? I do not understand-"

"I do!", Steve exclaims like a cute child that was showing an adult something amazing.

Tony just rolls his eyes and I slightly chuckled.

"I understood that reference."

Well surely, I have to ask him about that.

Tony shifts his attention to Mr. Banner and asks, "Shall we play, Doctor?"

Mr. Banner points his arm to his left and says, "This way, sir."

As I watched them leave, I could hear strange sounds coming from behind me, like little alien noises.

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cruelsister-moved2 · 2 years ago

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you said you weren't gonna elaborate but ifyou have time could you on that point that most cis women will only give their genitals as what ties them to womanhood. not sure I understand the implication bc in my experience that's true and I've also wrestled with the same idea a lot bc of being in that space between cis and nonbinary where it's like well I don't feel like what society says a woman is but to pretend that all cis women do is misogynistic. jw your thoughts because i think abt it a lot

yeah I think about it too... obligatory The Quote:

anyway yeah I just I don't know how to say this without coming off dismissive to people who find other frameworks useful to understanding their existence but there really is only how you want to live in reality and what gets me is the... assuming people who don't use certain labels dont have the same interior complexity as you(ie the pansexual effect). no one can ever see your internal Experience of Gender and you can never see anyone else's so it feels like there might actually be an upper limit to how useful it is to engage with. idk maybe I'm just too autistic for all this stuff but I feel like on the internal level you, to yourself, are just you. gender is literally a relational framework that we use to categorise OTHER people so we are all going to feel some amount of awkwardness about the attempt to apply it to ourselves internally. I think some people, upon discovering this, are a little too hasty to assume everyone else (esp cis women) has an easy time doing that. So i guess THAT'S what i mean, like a lot of people are just straight up NOT doing that and just not considering themselves as having a say and therefore not thinking about it. which isn't to say that they don't have complex feelings about themselves as individuals in a gendered society, or even that they might not hypothetically feel equal or better about existing in the opposite category, if they were able to consider that for themselves.

Like im femme4butch I'm obviously a big enjoyer of fun with gender performance but I do feel like ultimately your options are like "I'm expected to be in group A but group B feels at least somewhat less terrible to me" or "neither group A nor group B feels at all comfortable for me" or "existing sometimes in group A and sometimes in group B depending on the context is preferable to me" etc. and each of those encompasses a host of internal experiences of gender but it just skips feeling like that is something fundamental that we automatically owe each-other and require to understand each-other and decides that actually in terms of interactions with other humans our efforts are best placed in facilitating others moving through the world in a way that's most frictionless for them. and internally within the LGBT community who even cares because its only recently that cis gay people have even had a category resembling cisness open to them bc previously manhood and womanhood were so inherently contingent upon heterosexuality (spoiler: they still are it's just you can at least theory cut out the gender of attraction and replace it). i think this is why people are increasingly identifying with terms like transsexual again because it DOES feel relevant to their identity that much of their lived experience is organised around moving through the world as other than their cagab. ithink once you acknowledge that gender isn't defined for you (either by your genitals or like your Male Brain or Female Soul or whatever) then it kind of turns the concept of what even is gender into soggy cardboard anyway, and trying to articulate the specific qualities of ur handful of soggy cardboard is largely pointless in comparison to what container youre going to put it in. and if that begs the question of why we're putting soggy cardboard into all these different containers anyway, well then there you go

#ask #anon #i feel like you already know how you feel bc like #yeah i dont feel like what society says a woman is > who the hell does though > what does this mean for whether we accept the category #(on the condition that we modify/recreate it on our own terms)#or reject the category to create a new one that accomodates us #is that actually a meaningful binary #etcc #anyway i would read kadji amin if ur having these questions #i dont always agree w how scathing he is but he kind of critiques the nonbinary-as-political-statement-as-identity thing #his book is called 'we are all nonbinary' if that gives u an idea lol #i have like.1001 thoughts about lesbian relationships to womanhood in particular but thats one for another day bc this is already too much #i feel like attempting to inhabit the brain of a cishet women in order to write this response has drained me so much

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thebreakfastgenie · 1 year ago

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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 🤍

Oh man. Oh jeez. Okay. I'm gonna get annoying about this. Just remember you invited this.

1. The Emergency Room - The West Wing

“You were supposed to leave—” he couldn’t remember when Donna had said her flight was. He remembered too much, but it was never the right things. “—already,” he finished lamely. “Well, I didn’t.” On Christmas Eve, Donna takes Josh to the emergency room. Post-Noël.

This is probably still my favorite thing I've ever written. I really feel like I achieved something with the prose here that I've been striving to do ever since. Since the whole point of this is self-promotion; this fic will probably make sense even if you haven't seen The West Wing. It takes place the same day Josh is diagnosed with PTSD, a few months after being shot. It focuses on Josh and Donna, but it's not romantic. If you ship them, it will feel like pre-relationship, if you don't it will feel like friendship. I alway catch myself thinking this fic came easily, because I pretty much tortured myself over this one but the result was so worth it. Here's a little excerpt from one of my favorite scenes:

A streetlight flickered above them. He watched through the windshield as a few wet flakes drifted down.

“We can deal with that.” Donna was solution-oriented; it was a valuable skill in an assistant. Even now, he knew, she was making plans—drafting memos, rearranging his schedule. She’d ban music from the building if she thought it would protect him. He felt a surge of appreciation—affection, even—but protection wasn’t what he needed now. “Next time it could be something else.” The implicit acknowledgment hung between them like frozen breath. There would be a next time. Donna turned up the heat. “We can deal with that too.”

It's really all about hope and getting better, but at this very early, awkward moment. It also explores, without discussing it head-on, the idea floated in the episode that Josh may have had suicidal thoughts. The conclusion this fic comes to is that he lived because he wanted to live.

2. hills like white elephants - M*A*S*H

“Margaret,” he says for a third time. “The result of this test… the one that goes in your file, the one we tell Colonel Potter… it doesn’t have to be positive. Not if you don’t want it to be.” Margaret laughs, because it’s just like him to think he can make a test say what he wants. “I think people would notice when I had a baby,” she says, trying hard to sound funny. “If you have a baby,” Hawkeye says quietly. Seriously. An AU of What's Up Doc? where Margaret is pregnant, but still doesn't want to be. Hawkeye offers her another choice.

The abortion fic! This one means a lot to me. I've had a couple people tell me they've read it more than once, and that means a lot to me in and of itself. I think we need more stories about abortion, especially ones where abortion is shown as it is: a procedure that rescues women from really difficult situations. I had a lot of fun writing this one, even if my post-Dobbs feelings were very much on my mind. I had a lot of fun writing Margaret and I feel good about how I wrote her in this one. It was nice to focus on her and her interiority. I originally envisioned the fic as a mix between Hawkeye and Margaret POV, and I almost cut the one short Hawkeye POV scene I ended up with because it was so close to being entirely Margaret. The reason I didn't is that it was very important to me to imply BJ knew what happened, but he and Hawkeye chose not to discuss it for safety. I really loved the Hawkeye-Margaret dynamic I hit in this one, too. This is my signature "if you ship them, you can read it a pre-romance, but that's not necessary" dynamic. Hawkeye's willingness to go out on a limb to help is important and I think the story is stronger for not suggesting it's motivated by romantic love. A little excerpt two little excerpts because I can't pick and they go together:

“Why are you doing this?” she blurts out. He looks at her sideways. “Just because we can’t do it in the hospital doesn’t mean we’re abandoning safety.” “No,” she says, frustrated, “I mean… When I told you that I might be… you practically started knitting booties.” He doesn’t say anything. “You think I should have this baby,” she accuses. “It doesn’t matter what I think,” he says softly. “It matters to me.” She’s even softer; she’s not sure he can hear her, but he does. “Why?” he asks.

and

“Maybe,” she says, but she knows she won’t. After a moment, she asks, “What would you want?” He raises his eyebrows. “You mean besides a maternity girdle?” She laughs, properly this time. “I meant in Donald’s position,” she scolds. He thinks for a moment. “I’d want you to be happy,” he says. “That’s what I want in my position, too.” She sighs. “Not all men are like you.”

I knew from the very beginning I had to get a couple Hawkeye pregnancy jokes in there. The booties line is my own little reference to the "baby booties" line in GFA. I also wrote an author's note where I wished death on a couple of Supreme Court justices.

3. the play's the thing - M*A*S*H

“Oh, yeah, in college I played Hamlet,” he brags. “No kidding.” Sidney stares at him, and he has a funny feeling he can see all of it. “I was pre-med. I was the only one who could get my hands on a skull,” he says, attempting to explain what he’s never been able to explain to himself. Hawkeye plays Hamlet and is very mentally ill about it.

This was not the first M*A*S*H fic I started, but it was the first one I finished and posted, so it's very special to me! I had a lot of fun writing this one. It kind on of turned Hamlet into my signature Shakespeare play. Hawkeye playing Hamlet being true is a near and dear headcanon to me. I knew that I wanted my Hawkeye acting story to be that he did it once and was very good at it and then never did it again. I was really worried about making actor Hawkeye different from Alan Alda and without knowing it, I succeeded at this by making Hawkeye memorize his lines without meaning to; Alan Alda was awful at learning lines (see: all the blooper reels). All the non-Hawkeye perspectives were added in fairly late in the process and I think it was absolutely worth it. Gloria also became much more significant; originally, she was just the cute girl he cited as his reason for auditioning. I really grew to love her. I loved her so much I had to give them a good ending; for all my reputation as an angstmonger, I'm a total sap. Gloria's last name, Mayer, is for my great-grandfather who worked in the ticket office on Broadway. A short excerpt:

He doesn’t say anything. He’s staring at the skull. It’ll spend one last night in the safe hiding spot he’s found for it backstage—protected from the world by the thin cloth of the bag—and in the morning he’ll slip in Searles 103B and return it. If Professor Grable has noticed it’s missing, he hasn’t said anything, and he sees him three times a week for anatomy lab. He finds himself a little sad at the thought that he won’t see it every day anymore. A man and his skull can grow very close, he thinks.

This part is relatable to me in a way I can't quite explain. The image of college freshman Hawkeye showing up to the audition with the portion already memorized and his own skull charmed me and still does, but the skull just took on a life of its own, even for me. I didn't get too deep in the weeds researching this fic, but I did find a building at Bowdoin that was already built in the early 1940s and is currently a science building, and I used a plausible room number. I also did a quick, panicked rewrite when I remembered it wasn't co-ed yet. I just love this fic a lot.

4. Campfire - The West Wing

The fic I wrote in the woods. Huge chunks of it came to mind and I was so anxious about getting home in time to write it down, I ended up writing pieces of it in my notes app during lunch and in the car. Since I posted this, I've been really overwhelmed by the willingness of my fellow fans to put up with what I call "summer camp bullshit." It's a very different setting from the White House and it's about kids. That part of the story was intended to be shorter and darker, but these three kids basically invented themselves and said "what if Josh had friends?" and it really changed the whole tone of the story for the better. This was the second time I did this one-shot-two-narratives thing and I'd like to do it again. A small excerpt:

“You didn’t have older siblings growing up,” CJ continues. “It teaches you humility. And how to fight dirty.” His fist tightens around his beer. “I did,” he says softly. CJ looks surprised, then confused. “You did?” she asks. He nods. “But I thought… I mean, when we sent that card, after your dad— we checked with Leo, about who to address it to, and he said just your mom and you.” Josh looks at the floor. “Her name was Joanie,” he says, so he won’t have to say she died.

I've had bits jotted down for years that never saw the light of day but got at both parts of this fic. Josh talking about Joanie at summer camp and having it go badly, and CJ being the first person from the Bartlet campaign he told. I love Josh and CJ's brother-sister relationship, but I also think telling CJ first just makes the most sense because of her role in The Crackpots and These Women. This was also a September fic; one of the reasons I latched onto Josh was the experience of losing a close peer at a young age, and I certainly had feelings going into this fic. The only thing is I wish it had a better title! I couldn't think of anything better so I just went with this, but I love the titles for the other fics I've mentioned here.

5. safe travels - M*A*S*H

“Of course, this is all just speculation. I couldn’t tell you what happened in Seoul on that particular day.” BJ looks like he wants to say something, but Hawkeye beats him to it. “I never made it that far,” he admits, his voice dropping. Post-ep for 9.01 The Best of Enemies. With some encouragement, Hawkeye tells the truth about what happened after the left the 4077th.

I had a really hard time choosing a fifth fic, so I reread several, and I remembered how much I love this one. I posted the play's the thing first, but I started writing this one first, and it was almost finished for a very long time. I struggled to get it over the finish line, but I had so much fun with it! This was the first time I wrote BJ and I had a blast; since then, he's been difficult for me to write. I felt good about how I captured a bunch of different characters in this fic--BJ, Potter, Charles, and in a very brief appearance Mulcahy--and there are several pieces of dialogue I'm really, really happy with. I ended the first two sections on dialogue by chance and decided to keep it up throughout the fic. I don't think it was necessary, but it was fun to play with. When I reread it, I noticed some parallelism I don't remember consciously putting in, like both BJ and Hawkeye missing/ignoring their cues, so I'm very pleased with myself. A couple of small excerpts:

Sherman sits for a moment. It takes that long for the man’s words to sink in. “You’re serious.” “You thought I was kidding?” He’s not too old to feel the flush of shame. “I’m sorry.” “People always think I’m kidding,” Pierce shrugs it off. “Of course, most of the time, I am.”

This bit of dialogue came in early and I'm very fond of it.

“Hawk, he held a gun to your head!” BJ explodes. The thought of Hawkeye at gunpoint enrages him nearly as much as it frightens him. “What would you do if it was me?” Hawkeye asks. “If I had a chest full of shrapnel, bleeding into my brain—” “I—I’d try to make some burr holes. Get some pressure on the arteries—” “What if you weren’t a doctor?” Hawkeye presses. “What if you were… a farmer, or something, and one day the army said ‘sorry, Charlie, you’re ours now,’ and took you away from your plow and your family and your ox and gave you a gun? And the whole thing is just, completely unbearable, except for the guy standing next to you. He has has own family, and his own farm, and his own ox, or at least he did before the army took his pitchfork out of his hand and gave him a gun. And then suddenly he’s dying and all you have is this is stupid, lousy gun. What would you do?” “What if it was me? What if I had the 24 hour pass? What if someone held a gun to my head? Would you be so understanding then?”

This conversation--or rather, most of it; the Hawkeye speech came in later and was both fun and extremely hard to write--is where it all started. Hawkeye defending the man who abducted him was important to me. They formed a sort of bond by the end and I don't expect BJ or anyone else to understand that. I made a choice early on not to raise the question "what would Hawkeye do if it was BJ?" but instead "what would BJ do if it was Hawkeye?" I still alluded to the former, when Hawkeye himself wonders what he would do if it was any of his friends, but I gave more time to the latter. It just felt right; of course Hawkeye, who's been through it on the other side, has thought about it. BJ needs to be confronted with the question, and I found that more interesting. And of course it opens the door for BJ to ask how Hawkeye would feel if The Best of Enemies happened to BJ instead. I don't answer any of these questions, because that's the reader's job. If you have thoughts about these answers I'd love to hear them; I wrote this fic because I was absolutely consumed by this episode, and I still am.

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mailboxesetcuk · 2 years ago

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International Women’s Day 2023 with MBE Franchisee, Nadia Jonker

International Women’s Day (IWD) has been celebrated globally for over 100 years. Marked annually on 8 March, IWD aims to promote the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women, to educate and raise awareness for women’s equality and call for positive change to advance women.

It may seem surprising, but there is still a long way to go until women achieve true parity with men in the workplace. And, although it’s no longer unusual to see a woman at the head of her own business, attitudes are slow to change.

We talked to entrepreneur Nadia Jonker, who recently took over the MBE franchise in Banbury, Oxfordshire, about what her business venture means to her and whether she has faced an particular challenges.

From the ground up

Nadia has a strong business background. Having worked in a corporate technology environment she has experience in business administration, financial management and leading a team. She has also been involved in several start-ups.

As a longstanding customer of the MBE centre in Banbury, Oxfordshire, when Nadia found out that the owners were retiring she knew she wanted to take over the store so that she could continue to offer fulfilment, shipping, mailbox services, print and marketing support to the local community. “I also wanted to modernise the business, build something from the ground up,” she says.

While starting a business is challenging enough, Nadia also faced an unforeseen setback when the store suffered flooding just after she had taken it over in late 2022. “The interior was badly affected and I had to fund the entire refurbishment, replacing the floors, repainting the walls etc., before we could begin refitting the store to bring it up to date. This was in addition to recruiting and managing a team, managing my resources and revisiting my sales and marketing skills.”

She was very grateful for all the start-up support offered by the MBE head office team, although she acknowledges that much of the responsibility for getting the store up and running fell to her: “It’s hard when you’re on the ground. You really have to be prepared to do everything yourself.”

Now Nadia has one member of staff to support her and is considering taking on another person because the store is becoming busier. “We’ve put up new branding and signage inside and we’ll soon be rebranding the exterior,” she says. “I feel as though my vision for the store is gradually being realised.”

Growing the business

Looking to the future, Nadia would like to grow her Auction Logistics business and believes there’s great potential in the area: “There are five big auction houses locally that have started using our bespoke delivery service. I have taken over all the shipping business for one of them, which is great.”

The store’s demographic is fairly affluent, although like many areas Banbury has pockets of deprivation. Being located just off the high street also means there isn’t as much passing traffic as Nadia would like: “We need to find away of attracting customers from the local community – particularly small businesses,” she says. “But people are slow to change and often prefer using their existing suppliers. What’s key is being able to show them the added value we can bring. For example, our shipping expertise means we can iron out any post-Brexit paperwork complications for our customers.”

Another hurdle is convincing people that the store still offers the same mix of services and personal attention as before. “I call it ‘new face syndrome’,” says Nadia. “A lot of customers are quite traditional and were used to the store being owned by the same husband-and-wife team for twenty years. We’re trying hard to acclimatise them to the change, and I’m please to say we’ve had a lot of positive feedback.”

More of a revelation has been the tendency of some customers to be surprised that there’s a woman in charge. “A lot of people just seem to prefer to talk to a man. They will look straight past me and talk to my employee, James. Sometimes they even ask me if my husband is there! But I enjoy winning them round.”

Changing attitudes

It does seem that even in 2023, there is clearly still a need for movements like International Women’s Day to help change attitudes and normalise the concept of women heading their own businesses.

Nadia’s advice to women who want to make their mark is clear: “Be persistent. Take advantage of the resources available to you. Reach out to other women business owners and learn from them.

“Being part of the MBE network is great. It’s good to work with a well-known brand, but they will also give you the opportunity to create something that is your own and you can put your own twist on it.”

#internationalwomensday peoplepossible womenpossible franchising business

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kalamity-jayne · 2 years ago

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Race is indeed a social construct but so is gender. Anyone who's understanding of biology goes beyond highschool knows that physiological sex exists on a spectrum and is infinitely more complicated than male or female.

More importantly, no matter how objective a scientist thinks their research might be, all data still has to be parsed through an interpretive lens. That lens is shaped by language, ie culture. Male/Female, Man/Woman, Boy/Girl, these are ultimately just words, abstract concepts applied to nature so that we can better understand our experiences with it. But the thing is, language's relationship to nature isn't 1:1. In a sense the relationship is actually a bit more metaphorical in function. Taxonomic systems can never perfectly capture experienced reality. There is always a point where the system nearly falls apart. As the categories proliferate so do the instances where nature defies categorization. Humanity's attempts to impose taxonomic order upon nature has never been sociopolitically neutral. Transphobes fail to acknowledge that science, and the people who do the science, are influenced by the culture(s) they are enmeshed in. You can't remove the scientist from their cultural context. The fact is The fact is the gender binary was created as means to both oppress women and justify colonialism.

Up until the 18th and 19th centuries Males and Females were viewed as different forms of the same sex. Back then the view was that everything in the universe has a temperament. Things that were hot and dry, like the sun for example, were considered masculine and things that were cold and moist, like the moon,were considered feminine. It was believed that people had the same sex organs only differentiated by the presence of more heat in males. Sex non-conformity (intersex bodies for instance) was understood as having too much heat or cold. The vagina was understood as an interior penis, the womb as a scrotum, and the ovaries as testicles. Tthis is evidenced in the illustrations of the body by Andreas Vesalius, the founder of anatomy. To be male or female was to hold a cultural role. Bodies were seen as illustrative not definitive. According to Aristotle, Sex was a cosmic principle and reproductive organs were just instruments. Today we take for granted that the “body” is more real than “culture” (which is very silly because even intangible things can be of great import.) but back then it was the opposite. In 1803 French physician Jacques Louis Moreau argued against Aristotle and Galen, maintaining that males and females were “different in every conceivable aspect of the body.” Male scientists utilized the same methods (like phrenology) to prove that males and females were anatomically opposite. “Differences” that had not been considered relevant or important for centuries were now foundational to categorization. This fed the Enlightenment notion that nature prescribed the laws of society and that the body was a visual blueprint for society.

Prior to 19th century science, European and US American men relied upon religion to justify restricting women's access to public and professional life, most often by referencing Genesis. In response, feminists offered re-interpretations of scripture to argue for women's empowerment. Charles Darwin's theory of evolution reframed gender debates in the late 19th century “from biblical ancestors to animal kin, from individual to species, from piety to reproduction.” This led to anti-feminists of the era to employing “nature as an ally to describe female inferiority as a biological inevitability and evolutionary necessity.” Patriarchal evolutionists would argue that as animals progressed from asexual to sexual reproduction they developed more complex mating systems as they ascended the evolutionary ladder, therefore, humans with the “most strictly defined gender roles” with couples composed of a working husband outside of the home and a wife in charge of domesticicty were the highest pinnacle of civilization. The thought of women going to college “threatened to minimize sex differentiation, thwart evolutionary advancement, and diminish white racial superiority.”

Modern gender and sex categories are not natural, they were created specifically in the context of Western empire as a way to naturalize chattel slavery and colonialism. In 2000 renowned Jamaican philosopher Dr. Sylcia Wyter argued that “from the very origin of the modern world...there were never simply men and women.” Western gender categories were developed as a metric to demonize Black people and “civilize” white people who were defined against the “savagery” and “sexual ambiguity” of Black and Indigenous people. In the 18th and 19th centuries the sex binary was defined as an accomplishment of civilization exclusive to the white race. Introducing Black and Indigenous people to the western sex binary was part of the colonialist project to bring so called "civilization" to the “savage races” across the world. Colonists sought to annihilate Black and Indigenous practices of kinship and embodiment and impose new genders and sexualities “molded in the image of the colonial mother and father."

The signifiers we choose and how they're organized is ultimately arbitrary. Different cultures use different systems of signification. We've seen through out history how many non+western european cultures had/have a very different conception of gender. Not all societies based gender roles off of anatomy. For example the Yoruba of Nigeria, prior to colonization, had terms for male and female but the usage of those terms was restricted to the sphere of procreation and did not exert any influence on the production of gendered social roles. There were/are many non-western european societies who construct gender in a profoundly different manner sometimes resulting in more than two genders. The notion of the gender binary, that there is only male and female is western European colonial import.

Biology, like much of academia, has historically been dominated by gatekeeping straight white men whose research stemmed from a patriarchal, white supremacist, western european colonialist framework. Science is rarely just a simple pursuit of knowledge. There was a time in which all of academia, from anthropology to biology, was very much in service to the West's colonialist projects. Among other things, biologists conceptualized sex differentiation as central to humanity's evolution toward civilization and was purely anatomical by nature.

In 1886 Krafft-Ebbing, a sexologist, expressed a view common at the time, "The higher the development of the race, the stronger the contrasts between man and woman." In 1897, William Thomas expressed a similar sentiment: “the less civilized the race the less is the physical differences of the sexes.” This notion was used to deprive women of their rights and was also one of many justifications for colonizing various parts of the world, paving over the gender classifications of the societies being colonized. In the late 1800's the belief was essentially that sex was race specific and as societies progressed from “savagery” toward “civilization” over time, the physical distinctions between men and women increased. Physical sexual differences were regarded as evolutionary products of the social roles of each sex. The belief was that if “civilization” were brought to “primitive” peoples they would eventually develop sex differences over time. This “scientific knowledge” was widespread and was used as the foundation for public policy. Even 19th century white feminists saw womanhood as “an advanced state of mental, physiological, emotional , and anatomical specialization only achieved by the civilized.” Surgeon Dr. Mary Walker defined womanhood by genitalia and reproductive capacity because”the vagina served as the linkage between the body and the race.” The vagina was discussed as one of the last remnants of animality in the white race that had to be managed by women for the future of the race. Other orifices were not linked to racial reproduction, oral and anal sex were seen as uncivilized.

Scientist began referencing newly substantiated sex differences like brain and pelvis size as evidence that women were inherently hyper emotional while men were inherently rational and thus justified the denial of white womens' rights. They argued that their only role was to perpetuate the reproduction of the white race through childbirth. White men feared that granting the right to vote to white women would cause the “effeminization of the men and the masculinization of women” and that this blurring of the sex binary would lead “the civilized race to slide down the evolutionary timeline back to primitivism.”

The point is, transphobes cling to their conception of biology because its at the core of how they maintain the borders of feminine authenticity. One should always be skeptical of those who apply notions of authenticity to entire groups of people because that is the primary mechanism of gatekeeping. You should always ask yourself who is deciding what is and isn't authentic and why. Bigots never ask those questions which is why you have so called radical feminists who may think of themselves as anti-racist (and are perhaps non-white themselves) unwittingly supporting white supremacy and the patriarchy by their attempts to enforce and defend the gender binary. Transphobes love to say " biology isn't bigotry" despite the numerous examples throughout history of supremacists of one kind or another using biology to justify their hegemony over others.

My sources:

The Biopolitics of Feeling: Race, Sex, and Science in the Nineteenth Century by Dr. Kyla Schuller (Duke University Press, 2018)

In From Eve to Evolution: Darwin, Science, and Women's Rights in Gilded Age America by Dr. Kimberly Hamlin (University of Chicago Press 2014)

The Sexual Demon of Colonial Power: Pan-African Embodiment and Erotic Schemes of Empire by Dr. Greg Thomas (Indiana University Press 2007)

The New Woman: Literary Modernism, Queer Theory, and the Trans Feminine, by Emma Heanney (Northwestern University Press 2017)

The Invention of Women: Making an African Sense of Western Gender Discourses by Oyeronke Oyewumi (University of Minnesota Press 1997)

#TW transphobia

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agrarianradfem · 3 years ago

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Pretty weird for you to hear a woman having solidarity with females (lesbians included) on the basis of our sex (and consequential potential to become pregnant) and interpret it as an attack against your sexuality like some kind of conversion attempt to place heterosexuality as necessary somehow.

Acknowledging reality that females Can get pregnant isn't homophobic :/ that's a tra talking point..

lesbians denying their sex and therefore common ground with straight and bisexual women on the basis of their sexuality, as you seem to be doing, are denying solidarity amongst women. Of course having the potential to get pregnant doesn't mean we must - women are not just baby makers, no matter their sexuality. But regardless of whether we choose to have children or not, we are still a class together as women, lesbian, bisexual, and straight together. We all experience health and social consequences arising from our sex. unless you take Monique wittig opinion that lesbians are not women because women are created in the minds of and their relationship to men?

Like literally this is so many words to convey that you either can’t understand that lesbianism is a reason and explanation for not having kids or you don’t think it’s a “good enough” reason - like saying you don’t have kids because you don’t like the interior design of minivans. Just a stupid inconsequential “reason.”

I’m not denying our common ground on the basis of sex or denying solidarity among women. What crack do you smoke to read “I don’t have kids, I’m a lesbian” and hear “I don’t have kids because I’m actually not a woman”? Or even “I reject all solidarity among women”?

Again I don’t understand why straight women think “I don’t have kids, Im a lesbian” is the lesbian saying we are biologically incapable of pregnancy! So fucking stupid of you! It’s us explaining our reason for not having kids! Im not saying lesbians aren’t women (we are btw) or that we are biologically incapable of pregnancy (because I have a big brain) but that it is OUR REASON. AN EXPLANATION.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND YET?

#truly mind blowing to have to point this out three times #and every time a straight shows up to say but you CAN be inseminated you stupid lesbian #dontchya know you are also a woman and women have babies?#lesbianism is just a little inconvenience to overcome to become a mother not a reason I’m itself

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dearkusuo · 4 years ago

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Ch. 1 ☆ Last Christmas

Synopsis: You were intent on avoiding your ex-boyfriend all of winter break, however, your mom and her best friend had other plans lined up for you.

Pairing: Saiki Kusuo x reader

Tags: college au, fluff, angst

Word Count: 2.7k

m.list ▪︎▪︎▪︎ 1 ▪︎▪︎▪︎ 2

Thick clouds painted the darkening sky a dull grey while streetlights began to glow over the horizon. The cold air bit the skin on your cheeks, tinting them a shade of red the moment you stepped out of the car you parked by the curb. Your fingers fumbled to button up the coat you wore as a chill ran down your frame.

You opened up the trunk to take out your belongings stored inside, promptly closing it shut soon after. The siren of your vehicle went off once as you locked it up, and you trotted to your porch, suitcase trailing behind while you dragged it along.

Flashy decorations were displayed all over your front lawn, and colourful lights were strung on the tiles of your roof. You resignedly shook your head at the extravagant presentation.

Your parents tended to be overly zealous when it came to Christmas decorations. You’ve known that for as long as you can remember, but it didn’t make you any less hesitant to see the setup they arranged for the interior.

Your hand drifted over the doorbell, leaving it extended in the air for a long moment. You hoped they remembered that you no longer have a house key and got home from work early. The sound of the bell rang aloud as you pressed the buzzer.

You instinctively flinched back when the door flung open seconds later. Your mother let out a squeal, wrapping her arms around you in excitement while you returned the tight embrace, a small grin gracing your lips. She hastily pulled you inside when a gust of wind passed by, causing you both to shiver. The change of temperature warmed your frigid body.

The living room was lavishly accentuated with festive ornaments, just as you thought. Silver tinsel outlined the furniture while a heavily adorned Christmas tree noticeably stood at a corner of the room. Red stockings and green holly wreaths hung on the wall and the smell of gingerbread filled your nostrils.

Your brows lifted in surprise when you spotted your next-door neighbour sitting comfortably on your couch.

“This is unexpected,” you uttered.

Your mother’s best friend, Mrs. Saiki, stood up and ambled her way to you. She took your palms in her grip and greeted you with a hello.

"How long has it been?" She wondered.

"About a year," you answered plainly, shifting your weight from one foot to the other.

She brought both her hands over her lips to cover up a gasp. "It’s been that long? You really should come home more often."

A deep hum left your throat as you courteously nodded along in agreement. You turned your attention to your mother with a puzzled look on your face when she lightly tapped your shoulder

“Before you arrived just now, Kurumi and I were thinking that it would be a great idea for us to spend the holidays together, so we decided to have a small party on Christmas Eve,” she mentioned cheerfully.

You gave another nod and replied casually, “Alright.” The two women often spent time in each other’s presence, so it wasn't unusual for them to plan on spending Christmas together. It was probably just a get-together they were having with the rest of their friends. “You two have fun then.”

“Actually, it will just be both of our families attending,” your mother corrected.

Your tone dropped an octave lower, “Oh?”. The implication that you had to be present heavily dripped from her words. Were they really expecting you to tag along with them?

"We thought it would be a great idea since you don’t come home a lot, and all of us hardly see each other anymore."

“Kusuo just returned from college this morning, and even Kusuke is visiting for a while,” Mrs. Saiki blurted out excitedly.

"It'll be like old times," your mother added.

Like old times. When your families always spent time together. When you were together.

It left a bitter taste in your mouth.

Your mother and her friend happily beamed at each other, oblivious of your deteriorating mood. The turn of events left you unwilling to participate in the conversation any longer.

"I gotta go unpack,” you announced.

“Of course, you must’ve had a long day,” Mrs. Saiki exclaimed.

“It was nice seeing you again,” you conceded, keeping up a polite smile. She gave your hand a final pat before you retreated.

"Your dad is upstairs. You should go see him first," your mother suggested.

You mumbled an acknowledgement as you marched up the second floor with your luggage in tow. As was requested, you gave a quick greeting to your father before you entered your room.

The familiar space was left in a spotless and tidied condition that led you to believe that your parents regularly dusted and maintained it in your absence. Your bedsheet was neatly tucked in without a wrinkle to be seen, and your shelves were conveniently organized. Frantically, you went through your desk drawers to check if they had snooped through your personal belongings.

You faltered once you opened the last compartment. The sight of a wrapped present left untouched caused you to momentarily pause in shock. Your handwriting was scribbled out in black sharpie on the gift wrap, addressing it to Saiki Kusuo.

You never did get the chance to give it to him. Closing the drawer, you made a mental note to throw it out when you got the chance.

You looked out the window in musing. He must’ve known that you were coming back today. The dark, dull sky was tainted white by the snowflakes that began to descend to the ground.

You padded down the stairs late in the morning. The smell of freshly brewed coffee wafted through the air. Your father sat on the couch, watching the broadcast that was showing on the TV.

"Hey," he said with a wave of his hand. He briefly looked at you before returning his attention to the news channel. You gave a simple greeting in return.

"I made plans to meet with Chiyo and Kokomi today. We're eating out, so I'll be back in a few hours," you explained, already halfway to the exit.

"Alright,” your father responded idly, keeping his eyes trained on the screen. “Your mom and I made plans with the neighbours as well. We might not be home by the time you get back."

"Got it," you called from outside the door frame. You made your way to your car, hopping on the driver’s seat and revving the engine to life with a twist of the ignition.

The drive took a little longer than it usually would have, as the weather from the previous night left a thin layer of ice covering the road. Fortuitously, you had snow tires installed on your automobile beforehand, ensuring that you made it to your destination safely.

Your friends were already occupying a booth by the time you arrived at the diner. They bombarded you with conversation the moment you sat down, anxious to know what you’ve been doing for the past few months. You apprehensively informed them of what your mother and her best friend had planned for Christmas Eve.

"That's not gonna end well," Kokomi remarked.

"Tell me about it. What were they thinking?" Chiyo griped. "You’d think they’d know how awkward it would be for you and Saiki since you two are, you know, exes."

"I don't think they care," you grumbled in a distressed tone.

You crossed your arms over your chest, brooding over the unwanted encounter that was sure to happen.

"So, what are you gonna do?" Kokomi asked.

You shrugged wearily before responding, "I’ll probably stay for a bit, then dip whenever I can."

There was a high chance that you’d somehow get roped back into the party, but you currently didn’t have any other solutions to your dilemma. Anything was fine as long as you could spend as little time with him as possible.

A ruminating silence fell between the three of you.

“When did you guys break up again?” Chiyo inquired.

“Last year, on winter break. Around this time of the season.”

You directed your focus on the plate of food you ordered as memories of the previous December flooded your mind. Your nose crinkled in concentration.

“It must’ve been hard for you guys to be in a long-distance relationship,” Chiyo pronounced with a long sigh.

The distance was never an issue for the two of you since he could teleport to your location anytime.

“Yeah,” you mumbled.

Towards the end of the relationship, it felt like you were the only one who cared enough to keep things afloat. You gave it your all while he usually lacked the initiative to make an effort out of the limited time your college workload would allow.

But it’s not like everything was his fault. You had to admit that you often pushed past his comfort zone when he was content with just spending the day peacefully at home with you.

It was your dynamic that ultimately convinced you to break up with him. The two of you simply weren’t compatible together.

You quietly chewed on your food as you listened to the carefree chatter of Kokomi and Chiyo.

You parked the car by the curb of your house. Snowflakes fluttered to the ground once again as you stepped out of the driver’s seat. You hurriedly walked to your front door, eager to get out of the freezing weather.

There was no response when you rang the buzzer.

You let out a frustrated groan as you remembered your dad saying no one would be home when you returned. They didn’t even bother to leave a spare key for you.

You pulled out your phone, scrolling through your contacts to seek temporary shelter from a friend. Chiyo would only pry into your love life again, and you didn’t like running into Kokomi's brother.

At this point, your best option was to stay in a random store for the next couple of hours. Your teeth began to chatter as you walked back to the front gate, ready to start your car once again.

"Oh? Look who we have here."

Your head intuitively whipped around to the source of the voice. A man with pale blonde hair strode towards you. The headgear on his head strikingly stood out.

"Kusuke? What are you doing here?" you queried.

He cocked his head to one side at your bewildered gaze.

"Did nobody tell you I was visiting for a few weeks?”

Your eyes widened in realization as you recalled the previous night when Mrs. Saiki passingly declared that her eldest son would be returning for the holidays.

“Are you locked out?" he probed, observing your shivering frame.

You nodded timidly, unconsciously pulling your coat tighter over your torso.

"Why don't you come stop by for a bit while you wait for your parents?"

You grimaced. Knowing Kusuo, he was probably at home, minding his own business, and an interruption from both you and his brother would only put him in a foul mood. Likewise, you’d rather avoid him if you could help it.

"No, that's fine. I'll just wait at a friend's house," you insisted, shaking your head in refusal.

"But I'm guessing none of your friends are available."

You gritted your teeth. It was always difficult to break free from Kusuke’s snare. Judging by the smirk that crept on his face, he knew that his assumption was correct. Reluctantly, you let him usher you into the Saiki residence.

Kusuke offered you a cup of tea while you patiently sat on the couch. The heat it emanated warmed your numb fingers back to life. Your eyes roamed the living room that was decorated so extravagantly, it rivalled your own. At the back of your mind, you wondered if Kusuo had teleported someplace else while you remained in his house.

Kusuke asked you simple questions about your college experience, people you met, and your part-time job. He was being polite enough that you almost felt bad for anticipating he'd ruin the moment by being his usual overbearing self.

"Are you seeing anyone at the moment?" Kusuke inquired.

There it is.

You didn't see how that was any of his business. A short pause lingered between you two as you kept your mouth shut. You quirked an eyebrow up in bewilderment, waiting to see where he was getting at.

"Why don't you consider going out with me?" He grinned mischievously.

"That's a lame joke, even for you," you retorted.

"How can you be so sure that I'm joking?"

You scowled at him. Kusuke didn't like people. That was enough for you to believe that he was fooling around just to get a reaction out of you.

'What do you think you're doing?' a familiar voice rang in your mind, provoking your muscles to tense up and your jaw to lock.

He appeared out of thin air. The sight of green lenses and antennae poking out of pink hair caused you to internally panic.

"Kusuo, I was just having a chat with our lovely neighbour here." Kusuke gestured to you.

'Seems like harassment to me,' Kusuo scoffed.

"Don't be like that. It’s not like I had any ulterior motives." Kusuke chuckled. He turned to you again and imparted with a smile, "Don't take anything I've said to heart. I was just teasing you."

You figured as much, but you still couldn't help the annoyed huff you let out.

"Did you come down here because you were feeling left out? Do you wanna join in?" Kusuke asked his little brother in a disdaining tone.

Kusuo glared at the blonde man as he quipped, 'No. I’m here to tell you to be quiet. I can hear you from upstairs.' He shifted his attention to you. The blank expression on his face caused you to fidget under his gaze.

"I got locked out of my house, so Kusuke invited me to stay here while I wait for my parents to come home," you rambled, glancing down at your lap. Although he probably already knew that.

'I'll unlock the door for you.'

Kusuo's footsteps lightly echoed off the wooden floor. You looked up after a few seconds to see him waiting expectantly for you by the exit.

Placing down the unfinished cup of tea on the coffee table, you scrambled up from the couch. You waved goodbye to Kusuke before following his younger brother outside, softly trudging on the snow beside him.

“You look well,” you commented.

Kusuo only gave you a curt nod, a strained silence following soon after.

What did you expect? He wouldn’t bother wasting time on small talk with his ex when he was already so eager to kick you out of his house.

Both of you halted when you reached your porch. The sound of a click went off as Kusuo's hand hovered over the lock.

“Thank you,” you politely murmured, letting out a sigh in gratitude. You brazenly stole a glance at him from the corner of your eye. Kusuo's lips were pressed into a thin line, and his eyes were downcast, as though he were contemplating deeply. You thought nothing of it, returning your gaze forward.

Twisting the knob, you pushed the door open and stepped inside your home. You turned your head over your shoulder to say a coy goodbye, but no words escaped your lips.

He leaned into you, stopping a few inches from your face. Your breath caught in your throat at the intense look he gave you. Your heart skipped a beat as your body ignored your brain’s protests telling you to move.

‘Are you doing alright?’ he mused.

You could only nod in reply.

‘I see.’

His brows furrowed the slightest bit as he pulled back. If you hadn’t known him for years, you might not have noticed the flickering emotion on his face. You turned your body around to get a better look at him.

Was he worried for you? It was a possibility. The two of you left on a bad note after all, and Kusuo never liked hurting someone’s feelings. Even if he didn’t care for that person anymore.

‘That’s not the case.’

"Huh?"

He vanished before your sight, leaving you standing by the door frame. The cold air breezed into your home as you wondered what he meant.

#saiki x reader #saiki k x reader #saiki kusuo x reader #saiki #saiki k #saiki kusuo #saiki no psi nan #the disastrous life of saiki k.

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faunusrights · 4 years ago

Text

what is going on with all the bias on robyn hill’s wiki page, anyway? - an aside

As someone who uses the RWBY wiki with some degree of frequency - often because I’m looking for art references, or Semblance and weapon names - I’m used to... some amount of bias in the articles for different characters? Like, let’s be real, it’s not a perfect wiki! Community-maintained stuff isn’t easy to all keep on the same track! But, generally, it gives the facts well enough and doesn’t do too bad a job keeping all the balls in the air when it comes to new information from all four corners of this franchise.

Well, until you open the article for Robyn Hill, and realise it’s an absolute disaster. Like, really; the impartial voice just plain doesn’t exist for her, and almost all of her wiki is written in such a way that she reads as being an absolutely insufferable, hostile, hard-to-like character. Even if you aren’t a fan of Robyn personally, you have to admit that if you hadn’t seen the show yourself, you might very well come away from her article presuming she’s a major antagonist of Volumes 7 and 8.

Like, for instance, let’s take a look at the first paragraph of her Personality section:

Robyn has a direct and confident personality, having no trouble being confrontational with Atlas personnel, including the Ace Operatives. Robyn also seems to suffer from overconfidence and arrogance, shown in her encounters with Ruby and celebrating her election victory before it was verified. She is aggressive and hostile in nature, quickly jumping to conflict without thinking through consequences. However, she is also shown to be reasonable when the situation calls for it.

And, for good measure, here’s another paragraph from the same section:

In "With Friends Like These" Robyn displayed a rather impulsive side of her personality, when upon hearing that James Ironwood's plan to abandon Mantle and arrest those against him, she started a fight between herself, Clover Ebi, and Qrow Branwen onboard a Manta with Tyrian Callows in custody. Despite the fact, there was no order or her arrest. Her brashness led to Tyrian breaking free and crashing the Manta as well as her becoming unconscious.

(Taken from Robyn’s RWBY Wiki page. Bolding is mine.)

In every instance here, all of the “negative” aspects of her personality take centre stage; she’s confrontational. She suffers from arrogance. She is aggressive and hostile. She started the fight. Her brashness led to the crash. All of this is only compounded when her positive traits trail behind as an afterthought; she’s direct and confrontational, overconfident and arrogant, aggressive and hostile, impulsive and jumps to conclusions... but hey! As least she’s reasonable when the situation calls for it.

The way that this information is presented to the reader is quite literally on par with how the wiki presents the personalities of the actual literal villains who appear throughout the show. Let’s take, for instance, the Personality section of Cinder Fall:

Cinder is ruthless and sadistic, as demonstrated when she delivers a killing blow to a clearly defeated Pyrrha Nikos in "End of the Beginning" and when she throws a spear at a defenseless Weiss Schnee in "The More the Merrier." She is relentlessly driven to gain power and determined to cross any line to obtain it. Cinder demonstrates a cunning that shows in her successful manipulation of events and people throughout the first three volumes. Cinder is also arrogant and egomaniacal, and as such, relishes in dominance and gloating, displaying shameless pleasure in the misery she has caused others.

Or, the Personality section of Raven Branwen:

Raven is cynical, patronizing, selfish and stubborn. She believed her act of "kindness" of saving Yang's life from Neopolitan was sufficient despite having left Yang at a very young age and refused to protect her daughter when in need after that.

Raven is also very prideful and hypocritical, refusing to acknowledge her faults and always trying to justify her actions both to others and to herself, often putting the blame on others for them even if she feels real guilt about them.

It makes sense that for an antagonist, the primary faults and flaws of their personalities will come first, as to better represent them as the villains to clarify to the reader who they are and why they act as they do in their storylines. However, the fact that Robyn arguably has an even more caustic write-up then Raven, despite not being an antagonist, goes to show the lengths this writer has gone to present her in a significantly more negative light than she ever appears in the show.

If this doesn’t seem convincing, let’s look at a more direct comparison; what does the wiki say about Ironwood? He’s present in the same seasons, and has now become more of an antagonist in the latter episodes; is the wiki quite as blunt about his flaws?

Ironwood is courteous to his allies, as shown by his first onscreen interaction with Ozpin and Glynda Goodwitch. He is also far-thinking and tactical, wondering about the future, as seen when he speaks to Ozpin about Qrow Branwen's message. He also has a jovial, friendly, humorous and proud public persona, which he uses as a spokesman for the weapon manufacturers of Atlas.

However, as courteous Ironwood may appear, he can also be incredibly blunt, often preferring the direct approach. When he feels necessary, Ironwood is not afraid to bring the full might of his military command to bear, which sparked disagreements with both Glynda and Ozpin. Nevertheless, Ironwood is extremely loyal to his comrades, and however questionable his methods may be, he seems to have genuinely good intentions behind them.

Uh, no.

Instead, when his flaws are mentioned (for example, being blunt), it’s written in a significantly less... abrasive manner. It’s referred to as the direct approach, versus Robyn who is described as confrontational. Even then, his flaws are folded in to his (alleged) positive traits; he is not afraid, extremely loyal, and has genuinely good intentions, despite the fact that the show has now proven that Ironwood’s flaws greatly outweigh these. It reveals how thoroughly all of Robyn’s actions are presented as the work of an arrogant troublemaker, whilst Ironwood’s actions are presented as the efforts of a man working towards some greater good.

Also, I’ll add that in both examples, I used the first two paragraphs of their Personality sections. These are both the first two things you read about these characters, yet look at how differently they’re summarised.

What is interesting, however, is that despite this bias being extremely self-evident, the comments on her page generally chime agreement, referring to her as “overconfident, arrogant, impulsive and hotheaded to the point of being unlikable”, and claiming that she’s “literally the worse character in the show next to cinder, blake and yang”[1]. Someone mentions that Robyn has earned quite the hatedom... but why?

Broadly, my experiences of Robyn Hill’s writing in the fandom has been through a queer lens, and the vast majority of writers who’ve covered her and the Happy Huntresses have been women, or queer, or trans, or all the above... basically, the people who are usually responsible for a vast majority of fanfiction, let’s be real. These writers love Robyn, and have explored and extrapolated on her character to marvellous degree. Yet, at no singular point have any of these flaws ever been written quite as strongly as the wiki implies they are, nor have I seen much evidence of them myself in the show. For instance, let’s take one of the more serious points in her Personality section; she started a fight between herself, Clover Ebi, and Qrow Branwen [...] her brashness led to Tyrian breaking free and crashing the Manta as well as her becoming unconscious.

When we watch this scene again, Robyn did initiate the fight... because she was rightfully aware that Clover would obey his orders, even if they were wrong. Despite everything that happened prior in the entirety of Volume 7, when given orders to bring Qrow in alongside RWBY, it was clear that Clover fully intended to follow it through, which Robyn knows from prior experience with the AceOps:

[image ID: two images of Clover, Robyn and Qrow in the dark-grey interior of the Manta ship. Robyn has her weapon aimed at Clover as he stands in front of Qrow. Clover is saying “Only Qrow is under arrest [...] please don’t make me arrest you too.”]

Her knowledge of the AceOps means that she reacted accordingly; trying to stop him from taking Qrow in and obeying Ironwood’s plan the only way she knows the AceOps respond to. Her reaction isn’t unwarranted. However, my point isn’t to argue that Robyn was right or wrong, but rather that regardless of who started the fight, the way the wiki explains this specific incident is that it’s solely Robyn’s fault that Tyrian escaped and crashed the Manta, but we know this isn’t the case. Robyn and Qrow both fought Clover, and it was Clover’s good luck (or Qrow’s bad luck, depending on how you view it) that allowed for Kingfisher to break Tyrian’s bonds. Her brashness is blamed for the outcome, but in reality, this outcome could have been avoided together if Clover had not chosen to follow his orders and bring in an innocent man. Also, she didn’t crash the Manta! That was all Tyrian! The intentional tying together of these two events as her fault, however, are a neat package of blame.

In these instances on the wiki, Robyn’s personality appears amplified, focusing specifically on her flaws and exaggerating them to the extremes that, as noted earlier, matches the language used to define the very villains of the series. Yet, the people who enjoy her and the Happy Huntresses often perceive those same flaws to a significantly lesser extent, or even see those flaws as actually being boons of her character; for instance, reading her alleged arrogance as passion. So, why such division?

Before, I mentioned her “negative” traits, and I put this into quote marks because traits don’t always align nicely into good and bad. All aspects of a person can vary on how positive they are based on context - even the show proves this, with protectiveness becoming paranoia (Ironwood) or loyalty becoming subservience (Winter). Even a character that is broadly composed of more unfavourable traits can have this contextual shift; Cinder’s stubbornness to her goals makes her a fast learner and a tenacious opponent.

Yet, why did the writer (or writers) choose to highlight almost every aspect of Robyn’s character as a bad thing? Why did they frame her decisions as such? I have a suspicion it’s to do with her character at large; she’s a bold socialist politician who believes in equality and fairness for all, who refuses to stand for incompetence and obedience towards evil causes. She’s outspoken in her views, and reacts strongly to those who threaten to overturn her work. Also, she’s a woman, in charge of a group of other women, at least one of whom is canonically trans. To those who agree with her in real life, Robyn appears as a great character! We admire her work ethic and we support her ends. To those who may not... well, it’s not hard to see how they might perceive her as more of a cocky, authority-defying upstart. Of course, the core text of RWBY doesn’t quite believe the latter; RWBY has always placed Robyn as the direct counter to authoritarianism, whether it be Jacques, Clover, or Ironwood, and even the article admits that she is a potent voice for the people of Mantle. Still, it’s clear that there’s plenty of people in a vocal minority who are deeply dissatisfied by Robyn, and aren’t afraid to make their stance on the matter exceedingly clear.

So, what does this all mean? Well, here’s what we can say for sure; Robyn’s article is, and has always been, stringently biased against her character, and often misconstrues her motives and decisions. This is maybe the more obvious part, but how should her article be worded to make this less so? Likely, I’d rephrase a lot of it to be less damaging to her character; she isn’t hostile, she holds people accountable. She isn’t quick to jump to conflict, she is familiar with how Atlas responds to anti-authority with violence. She isn’t arrogant, she believes in the power of the people as being the right thing to fight for. Even this makes it clearer that her character is about resisting the oppression inherent in Atlas, and is a much clearer outline of her personality as a whole. People may disagree with this phrasing and summary also, but given her character is based on Robin Hood, it’s also not far from the mark in terms of what she should represent.

TL;DR: Robyn’s wiki page is written with a deep bias against her character and what she represents, acts upon, and chooses to do in the show; I have no doubt that in canon, this sort of language would probably be used by Jacques himself as a smear campaign, haha. Whilst I can’t speak for the author and their motives, I have a distinct feeling that this article was written, or edited, by someone who is either:

not a fan of Robyn

not a fan of a new female character

not a fan of a new female character in a position of power

not a fan of a character with socialist/communist/antifa ideals

all of the above and then some???

Even though I’m not going to edit her wiki page (I’m very shy and I’ve never done it before), I think it’s worth analysing this if only as a reminder of the inherent biases of an author even when people are trying to present a character’s information impartially. This isn’t the first wiki I’ve seen misconstrue - or even make incorrect assumptions on - facts about a character, and it won’t be the last. In the meantime, though, I leave you with this fact:

Robyn Hill slaps huge nuts and I love her.

[1] I’m not naming the users who posted these things here, because it’s unnecessary. You can find them for yourself at the bottom of Robyn’s wiki, but there’s no need to respond; some people just don’t like Robyn, and that’s fine - I’m just explaining how bias leaks into wikis like water into a sponge. It happens!

#rwby #rwde #robyn hill #murphy's thoughts and vibes on this shit (again)#is this a new tag #i haven't really written this well and it was sort of off the cuff so sorry if there's mistake #*mistakes #LMAO #i just wanted to lay my Thoughts out #i swear if even one person msgs me like 'but robyn DOES suck' im banishing you to the Spray Cheese Hell Dimension #also im tagging as rwde but its not rwde against the show (FOR ONCE??) so

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crescentsteel · 4 years ago

Text

Just Friends - Part 10

plot: fubu set up with Kuroo, model fem reader genre: fluff, smut, slow burn, angst word count: 7k

A/N [More at the end]:

I reviewed and edited Chapters 1 and 2 a bit because I kinda cringed at the errors and my writing was wonky (more than it already is now). No plot changes don't worry.

Thank you for all those who read this, especially to those who took their time to comment and feedback. It meant the world to me who stayed up later than usual and poured my heart out on this.

Part 9 || Epilogue || m.list

You instantly snapped your head up with expanded eyes. Despite the sternness his voice contained, you saw the delicate swirl of complex emotions in his eyes, one that you haven’t seen him display before. You saw how the contrast of heartache and relief graced his features.

“I love you, y.n.”

The quietness gave way for you to hear every single word he said. It was gently uttered, but firm on what it meant.

It was almost magical, if not for the perplexity which came with that statement that enshrouded everything else.

As if the universe agreed with you, another set of lights landed on both of you, popping the enchanted bubble you two were in.

“Let’s go. We need to talk” He moved his hand from your waist to the back of your shoulder and guided you to his car. Still unable to regain your calm from what just happened, you absent-mindedly followed him and went inside the passenger’s seat.

“My place or yours?”

His question made you buck yourself up to the present again. It was the question that started your indecent affairs with Kuroo, and now he’s using it to settle what branched from said affairs.

“Did you really just ask me that?” You were unable to refrain yourself from retorting.

“What?” He asked back even though his eyes had a tender playfulness to them. He clearly knew what you meant but wanted you to elaborate for his entertainment.

You just rolled your eyes and ignored it. “Yours.” You weren’t playing his game. You just rather resolve the issue at hand somewhere not in your place. The last time’s conflict left you feeling vacant when he walked out the door and you stayed there with gloom lingering on every space of your place. You couldn’t do anything because it was your home. You just let it evaporate on its own.

In case things go South like they always do, you wouldn’t want to worsen the state of your already sullied abode.

So you let him start the vehicle and drive off.

“I really thought you were gone again,” he broke the fragile silence.

“What do you mean?”

“I went to your place and they told me you left. I assumed you flew somewhere insanely far away for the second time.” All the involute sentiments he was carrying a while ago dissipated. He’s back to his laid-back self.

“Why would you think that?”

He sneered as his eyes flashed with bitterness even as he stared at the road. “Cause that’s what you do, kitten. You run away when things get too inconvenient for you.”

What could you say to that?

Nothing. He was absolutely right.

You tried to prove to yourself that you weren’t a spoiled rich brat by working your butt off, but it was never too difficult for you. You worked hard, but everything went smoothly like how you wanted them to.

But with Kuroo, everything was in shambles. And in every chance you had to make things right with him, you chicken out. You blamed external factors such as timing not being right or other people were in the way. But you always had your chance. You just despised the fact that you had to cross certain barriers to move forward with your relationship with him. You wanted things easy.

Before you left, you really believed that you wanted to confess to him just to get some clarity on your relationship. So why did you stop talking to him at all? If that was your only goal, you could’ve talked to him the morning after. But you didn’t. Because you didn’t like the pain of facing him again when he was messing around with women other than you. So instead of facing it head on, you ran away.

It was the same when you confessed dead drunk and forgot the next morning. You were scared that he didn’t feel the same way, so you took the safe way out.

And when it was becoming too much again, you were tempted to do the same exact thing you did ago: remove all the complications in your life by getting away from the source of it - Kuroo.

With your mind flooded with realizations, you didn’t notice that you arrived at his place already.

At least that was what you thought because he stopped the engine, but the neighborhood wasn’t familiar to you.

“Where are we?” you asked.

“My place. Duh.” He answered before getting out. It was sarcastic, but it cheered you up. He was back to how he used to treat you before the drunken fiasco. It was just three weeks but it felt like you haven’t heard his taunts far longer than that. That’s how much you missed him.

You followed him and stepped out of his car as well. He must’ve moved out just recently, probably when you weren’t talking much, or else you would’ve known.

“Glad to know you moved out of that dump.” Even with the current situation, you couldn’t just stay quiet when your mind instinctively thought of something to get back to his snarky remark.

“Dump, huh?” He was looking at a certain building that you surmised was where his new apartment was. He scoffed before looking at you.

“Wonder why you agreed to let me fuck you in that dump though.” His grin spread wide enough that his teeth showed, clearly pleased with how he handled your usual battle of sarcasm.

You veered from his playful gaze and pursed your lips from the lack of a good response to bring down that haughty smile of his.

You regret ragging him on. You should’ve just stayed quiet.

“Can we go inside now? It’s cold” You changed the topic being the loser that you were.

“Come on then.” His satisfied smirk was still on his face knowing that he won that quick exchange. He waited for you to go to his side, then started walking towards the building.

When you came back to the country, you thought it was odd that still stayed in his previous place. You were positive that he could afford to get a nicer one. Now it made sense. He was saving up for this.

While heading to his unit, you could tell from the interior and the exterior of the building that the price of the place was above average.

Inside the elevator, there was only you and him. He was about to press his floor number, but his hand stopped mid air before putting it down again.

“Wanna guess what floor I’m in?”

“And if I get it wrong?” He didn’t have to say it out loud for you to know where he was going with it. It was one of your gambling games.

“You owe me nothing but the truth tonight.” Your bets were fun and the stakes were always petty but the weight of his stare let you know that the intent behind it was nothing compared to your previous wagers.

He would demand nothing else but the truth from you when you two start to talk about the issue at hand.

You found it strange. Of course, you would be honest. That’s the point of the conversation you’d be having when you reach his unit.

But since he was acting like candor was of great worth to get from you, you’d ask for something of similar value.

“If I get it right, I’m getting your Nekoma jersey. The one with No.1 on it.”

He was obviously taken aback from what you asked for. “Why that?”

“Why not?” You immediately asked back.

He looked at the numbers on the side of the elevators while he scratched the roof of his teeth with tongue.

“I changed my mind. I want all of them.”

“Huh?!”

“The odds aren’t right. There are 40 floors and the chance of getting it right is only 1/40. If you’d think about it, I’m even being generous.”

He clicked his tongue, acknowledging that your point was valid. “Deal.”

You instantly responded without even thinking twice, “22.”

You wished you could’ve captured his reaction.

“You were already eyeing 22, dumbass. Your hand literally stopped in front of that number.” You shook your head as you snickered from that tiny victory, letting it take some of your tension away. “Say goodbye to your jerseys tonight,” you added.

He usually won’t make such a mistake during your gambles. And because he did, you worked out that he must be distressed too.

“Fuck.” He cursed then pressed the button you just said.

“Ugh fine, you can keep one.” You felt bad cause you even though the probability of you winning was low, the stakes for you were basically a given.

The way on his unit was spent arguing on why the deal should be void because it wasn’t really a gamble since you already knew the answer.

On his doorstep, you both hastenly arrived at a compromise of getting only his captain’s jersey, knowing that the inescapable confrontation is about to take place.

When he opened the door, it was nicer than you expected. It was modern looking with its minimalist interior and gray, black, and white tones. Your place was bigger but this looked more spacious because there weren’t unnecessary furnitures.

The click of the door brought you back to why you were here. All the monkeying around a while ago was just a prelude to this and any impact it had on you was diminishing by the second. Things were about to get serious. You could feel anxiety crawling back to your skin.

You didn’t wait for his hospitality and sat yourself on the couch.

He immediately went after and sat beside you.

You shook your head. “No.”

“What?” A frown creasing his forehead from the ‘no’ that came out of nowhere.

“Don’t sit near me. It makes me uncomfortable.” It might have been rude, but you just had to say it. You want your mind working functionally so you can’t have him anywhere near your personal space.

Instead of getting offended, he eyed you with consideration before standing up. He got a chair from his dining area and sat a good few steps away from you. He crossed his legs and arms.

“So?” He proceeded, imploring you to be the first one to open the conversation that was suspended by the vehicle earlier.

“What do you mean ‘so’?” You laughed sourly. “You’re the one supposed to explain things. Do you expect me to just accept what you said a while ago?”

He threw you a questioning look. “Is it really that hard to believe?” “You avoided me for weeks. When I tried to make up with you, you brushed me off cause you were seeing someone else. So my apologies for being so skeptical,” your last sentence full of uninhibited scorn.

“Who said I was seeing her? She’s just a volleyball player I’m working with.” If this was a normal conversation, he’d definitely have some snide comments to go along with it. But he didn’t swerve to his usual smugness. He remained pensive.

You couldn’t think of a decent reply except for an timid “Oh” that came from your mouth. You’re reassured that it wasn’t like that, but it was overpowered by the shame brought by your incorrect assumption.

He didn’t wait for you to recover as he asked right away, “Why did you ignore me after that?”

But despite the embarrassment, your brain was still running its engine properly. So you skillfully evade his query. “You still haven’t told me why you avoided me prior to that.”

He puffed a heavy breath. “I didn’t know how to get back to that friendship bullshit that you wanted so bad.” He uncrossed his legs and slouched with his elbows on his thighs. “Now answer my question,” he commanded.

“Well.. I didn’t want to intervene with whatever or whoever it is you’re busy with,” you said a bit too quickly without explaining further. “My turn again,” you continued on/

“No. I addressed two things from you so it’s still my turn,” he firmly asserted.

You were about to retaliate but he beat you to it with his own question. “How many times have I made you cry?”

It was an abrupt one that wasn’t in line with the previous questions that preceded it. You flinched from how it hit that certain memory you thought you moved on from.

“Never. What gave you that idea?” You denied as fast as you could. He didn’t have to know that insignificant detail. ‘It doesn’t matter’ you told yourself even though you knew it was your pride that wouldn’t let you answer truthfully.

You’re glad to have won the bet earlier. Even though you thought you were going to be completely honest, there were just some details that need not be known.

Heated stares replaced words as both of you waited until the other withdrew. He was glaring at you, looking for an ounce of deceit. Too bad for him though because you have no intentions of folding.

You arose the winner when he’s the first to concede as he straightened his posture from slouching. He leaned back on the backrest of his chair and sighed exasperatedly.

“Man, I’d like to complain, but I guess your tenacity is one of the reasons why I fell for you.”

You were doing so well but with what he just said, your heart is back to the mess it was when he pulled you to him and said he loves you for the first time.

“Cat got your tongue, kitten?” His smug grin back to its former glory, making you even more flustered than you already were.

“How can you say things like that so indifferently?” You voiced out, irritated at how he’s so relaxed while youre all wound up.

“Look. I’ve been keeping my mouth shut ever since you came back. Now that it’s out in the open, I’ll say it as much as I want to.”

Did you hear him correctly? He said ‘since you came back.’ When exactly did he start having feelings for you?

“What do-”

“Hold it right there. You don’t get to ask anything yet since your last answer was a lie.”

You groaned. He shouldn’t be allowed to call you tenacious when he’s even worse than you are when he wants to be. “It is not. So let’s move on,” you tried to proceed but he cut you off right away.

“Kenma told me.”

Your solid defiance rapidly chipped from your secret being found out by the person you wanted to hide it from. You could only guess that Kenma told him just now. That’s why he was on a rampant chase to find you.

The earlier gamble made sense now. He anticipated your refusal to admit what happened back then, back before you left. So he wanted to ensure that you would be forthright about it.

Even after losing the bet, his goal was still secured for he had Kenma’s story as proof.

You tried to feel any hostility towards Kenma but you didn’t have it in your heart to do so. You trusted Kenma. He must have had a good reason for telling Kuroo now when he’d kept it well for more than a year.

“Fine,” you said under your breath.

“Too many that I didn’t bother counting.”

Guilt darkened the diffidence on his face. He must not have expected that you would be the type to cry over a guy, especially him who started his relationship with you only as a bed warmer.

But you went on with your previous question since that’s what was pervading in your mind. “When did you realize?” You were really curious since when the feeling has been mutual between the two of you.

“Realize what?”

“That you l-,” you hesitated, reluctant to fully spat out the phrase completely even though he already said it first hand. Looking back, you don't know how you convinced yourself to admit your feelings to him when you’re stuttering from a trifling thing such as this.

“That I love you?”

You staved off away from his perfervid stare, not able to handle it as you replied a brash “Yeah” to maintain your tough façade.

“At the very same night you were supposed to confess.”

You harshly returned your gaze to him. “Was that a joke?” You chuckled wryly. “In case you forgot, I was there.”

You were grateful to Kenma being there at that moment, but it’s different when it’s finally Kuroo you’re confronting. You could feel all the unaddressed bitterness you buried deep inside take over you.

“I was hoping to get an honest conversation. Instead, I arrived at the godforsaken bar,” you continued with a forced smile, “and stood watch as you made that first move to kiss her, how you pulled her close like …. like you couldn’t get enough.” The particular scene tore you back then and it does just the same now. Before you knew it, warm liquid pooled in the corner of your eyes without any warning.

You turned your head sideway and let your hair cover your face.

You didn’t want him to see how your lips quivered as you fend off a whimper that was already at the back of your tongue

You sealed shut any feelings you had for that certain chapter of your relationship with Kuroo. So you couldn’t understand the surge of sullenness that flowed through you. It must be from how paradoxical his narrative seemed.

How could he claim to love you when he enjoyed the sultry company of another?

If Kuroo would think of two words to describe your personality, it would be determined and composed, to the point that you can seem cold and apathetic at times. You were the kind of person who didn’t give two shits to anything you found unnecessary or irrelevant.

Since he met you, you constantly had your guard up as if people will find something awful if they get a tiny peek of what you really are. He couldn’t do something about that. He didn’t have any right to. You two were only fucking around. He later figured out that you didn’t want people to know who you really were - an heiress and a successful model.

That’s why you traded carefully around people.

But when you came back and asked only for friendship, you still had your fences up like you were hiding something. He thought maybe because you’ve had them up for so long that you didn’t know how to turn it off, even for him whom you considered a friend.

So to see you struggling to keep your walls up that were slowly crumbling, he realized why you have a soft spot for Kenma. He’s already seen what you tried so hard to protect.

Disobeying your earlier instruction to not sit beside you, he stood up from the chair and moved to your side.

When you saw him do so, you didn’t say anything. You only raised your hand to nimbly wipe your tears that were already falling. He grabbed your hand you were using and held it still on your lap. He replaced it with his own, drying your tears with his fingers.

It was the least he could do with being the cause of it, and he was glad you let him even though you still kept your eyes away from him.

He trailed his fingers down your jaw and slightly lifted your face so he could look at you. What he saw was unrefined vulnerability, and even then, you wore it beautifully.

He finally understood. That wall you built when you met again was exclusively for him. You guarded your heart from him. You created the friends only set up so you wouldn’t get hurt again.

It made him feel like shit. You really did love him back then, enough to cause you this pain.

“I’m sorry. I was half-assed about it at the time. Nothing more happened with me and whoever that girl was. I just,” he trailed off knowing that the next thing he’s going to say is gonna sound stupid. “used her to see if what I felt for you was real.”

You raised your gaze to him with eyes wide with disbelief. “Are you serious?”

“I know it’s idiotic, okay?” His voice took a slightly defensive tone as you were about to judge his line of thinking back then. “But we were only fuck buddies. I didn’t want to start a relationship with you then realize that I was just confusing the comfort of your company with something as serious as love.”

He stroked your knuckles after he explained.

“I really am sorry, y/n. I didn’t mean to hurt you like that.” His words dripping with remorse from every single tear that you shed for him without him knowing.

“Why tell me only now? It’s been months since I came back.”

“You were insanely driven on being friends only. I didn’t think you feel the same way.”

No one said anything after. He couldn’t tell if you’re aware of it too, but he could feel tension in his every vein as his next question dangled on the tip of his tongue.

“Do you?”

You bit your lip as you averted your eyes downwards again.

“You know the answer to that already.”

Indeed he does. You wouldn’t be this affected if you didn’t. But he has to hear it directly from you. He has to hear you say you love him for real this time.

“I need it to come from you.” He gently held your cheek to guide you back to his gaze. He needs to see the entirety of your face, especially your eyes, when you finally tell him how you truly feel about him.

“I… I-” He could see your strenuous struggle to get the phrase out. You eminently tried as you kept uttering the first syllable but nothing after that. “I can’t say it,” you said defeatedly.

He should be frustrated. He laid out all his cards open for you to see, but you refused to do the same when you had one last face down card that would declare the game over where you both win.

But he held nothing but patience. He could wait for the phrase he’d been longing for as long as he made sure of something.

“You don’t have to if you can’t say it. But I’ll be honest. I,” he let out a deep breath before continuing, “I can’t stand us being friends only anymore.”

He removed his light grasp on your face as his hand travelled to the one that he hasn’t been holding. He lightly squeezed your fingers to get you to heed the attention he needed from you.

“Be my girlfriend, y/n. Be mine.”

If you say no at this point, he’d lose his mind.

With his focus solely on you as he waited for an answer, he saw a subtle nod from you.

“Okay.”

It might seem too simple and bland of an answer. But you two had been going on through ragged stops for a year that he couldn’t care about trivial crap like that.

It wasn’t sweet and he found that perfectly okay. Because it was you. He just needed you to finally let him be more than just fuck buddy, more than a friend.

And when your lips tugged on both corners to form a smile that was directed at him, especially for him, it made his heart soar.

“Is this really happening?”

You had the gall to be skeptical when his actions never hid his affection for you. He just didn’t say it out loud.

“You bet your ass it is.” Instead of his usual shit-eating smile that would’ve accompanied his response, his smile mirrored yours.

You were both happy.

Unable to contain himself, he acted on what always wanted.to without anything holding him back.

He kissed you.

No alcohol and no bullshit involved, just taking in that first touch of your lips as officially your lover.

His hands travel up to your shoulders as he scoots over to have you closer. You taste and feel ethereal. It was unlike any kiss you’ve shared in the past. The ache he had for you this whole time was being lulled by how your soft lips cascaded on his.

His one hand goes up to the base of your neck while he parts your lips so he can have better access on the wonders of your mouth.

You sighed helplessly to the kiss before withdrawing just a bit, your warm breaths still mingling with one another.

“Wait,” you gasped inches away from his lips before burrowing your face on the crook of his neck.

“What’s wrong?” He asked worriedly, stroking your neck and shoulder to soothe whatever it is that’s bothering you..

“It feels weird.”

“Weird how?”

You lifted your head and looked at him with the most insane blush he’s seen from you. Your cheeks were a rosy fury that highlighted a foreign countenance in your face. Your orbs were glossy and sparkling with a tiny hint of naivety that he’s never seen from you. Your mouth was compressed in a thin line that he could tell was done to prevent the trembling of your lips that was still slightly evident.

He managed to get another unknown aspect of you to surface, and goddamn what a pleasant surprise it was.

He loves your confidence. It was sexy. But bashfulness was an exceptional look on you too. It provided depth to your character which was already fascinating to him to begin with.

He couldn’t wait until he could fully discover everything about you, even the one you still weren’t aware of.

“It’s like I’m overwhelmed by something until I can’t breathe. But I… I like it?” You glowered right after describing it, probably thinking that it sounded asinine.

He was amused and charmed at the same time from how you tried to put into words how he was making you feel.

“You do realize we’ve fucked countless times already.” He couldn’t resist goading further even when he knew exactly what you were talking about.

“You don’t say,” you riposted, gaining your smart-assery back to which he laughs at.

“God, I really love you.”

He lunges to claim your lips once more, his need to have more of you back with heightened intensity.

You were getting dizzy from how he was kissing you. It was much more needy than the previous one. You still haven’t fully grasped what just happened and yet he’s already filling your senses, making you forget the tiny insignificant details and retaining only one fact that mattered.

You and him.

His hand on your shoulder wanders down to your waist while you grasp his biceps for support as he pulls you even closer until you were straddling him.

His mouth did not linger too long on yours as it impatiently trailed down your neck, interchanging loving kisses with hungry sucks that stirred your thirst for him.

You remembered some parts of the drunken sex you had, but they were just flashes and blurred images. The sensation from the experience wasn’t retained.

It seemed like a far away memory compared to how he was making you feel at the present moment.

You suddenly feel him slip his hand underneath your shirt, palming your bare skin upwards until it reaches one soft mound which he doesn't hesitate to squeeze.

“Haaaa. Kurooo, wait,” you plead breathlessly. You were getting overwhelmed by how he swiftly fanned the flames of desire that was spreading throughout your body.

His lips left the sensitive skin of your collar and met your gaze with restrained hunger.

“What is it?”

You didn’t know what to say. Did you want him to slow down or just have his way with you already?

He must have noticed your conflict so he decided for you.

He chose the latter.

Both his hands scurried to your hips, guiding you to raise them slightly while his lips find their way to yours again. Not bothering to remove or even tug down your leggings, he slid one hand inside which was welcomed by your slick arousal.

“Why’d you stop me when you’re already this wet?” He asked with pride flickering in his eyes knowing that it was him who caused it.

But he did not let you answer as he shoved one finger in your core.

“Aahh,” your eyes closed shut and your thighs tremble from the sudden pleasure as your hands move to clutch his shoulders to anchor yourself. You rest your forehead on his while puffing heavily.

“Kuroo...” you whimpered.

He steadies you with one hand, but does not relent as he inserts one more digit.

“Hmmm?” You could tell that he was enjoying your wanton surrender just from the way he sounded.

“It feels too much,” you admitted.

“Too much? Oh kitten, we’ve barely even started.”

He took the hem of your shirt and lifted it up. “Bite it,” he commanded and you complied obediently.

He hoists your bra down your chest, exposing your unclad breasts to him. He eagerly takes one perk nipple in his mouth while his one hand goes around your waist. He retacts his fingers inside and rubs the bundle of nerves above your slit in hurried circles that were driving you to the brink of madness.

He was right. This was still foreplay, but you were already so feverish.

Your moans were muffled by how hard you were biting the cotton fabric of your shirt.

“Take your shirt off. I want to hear you,” his voice raspy as he stopped everything he was doing that was making you feel good. You quickly yanked your shirt off so he could go back to doing them right away.

As soon as your top was thrown away, he inserted the same fingers back again and started pumping in and out aggressively.

With his request and the absence of your shirt, nothing was repressing the salacious sounds that were coming out of your mouth

The heat in the pit of your groin was building up too fast. It was a very steep peak that he was rapidly coercing you to reach.

“Feels-ahh-so good.”

He groaned in response. He took out his digits and loosened his hold of you which made you flutter your eyes open.

“Let’s take this to my bed,” he said ruggedly as he was about to get up.

You firmly grasp his shoulders to stop him. “Wait.”

A dash of timidness came over you again which you couldn’t understand. Just like he said earlier, you’ve had a lot of sex. You did things more scandalous than what you had in mind, but you feel flustered just thinking about saying it out loud.

“What is it?”

“Uhh,” you swallowed your nerves. “Do you mind getting your couch dirty?”

He raised an eyebrow from your question, but was immediately followed by a riveting smile upon realizing what you meant.

“Not all,” he took off his shirt then proceeded to unclasp your bra that was still lugged your breasts.

“We can get it dirty as much as we want,” he whispered right in your ear.

Sex with Kuroo before usually ended with both of you scramming to get water or go to the bathroom to clean up. Then when you went back to his bed, both of you just settled down in whatever position you were comfortable in.

Holding each other after sex just was never on the table. No one talked about it and no one initiated so you figured both of you weren’t into it. You weren’t sure about him but you found the act too intimate to do between casual sexmates.

You had no idea it felt this good to be cradled by him.

Your head was nested on his arm that he extended for you. His other one was enveloped around your waist and your face and hands were burrowed on his chest.

“This is nice,” was an understatement that you breathed on his skin.

“Mmhmm. More especially since you’re awake and sober,” he hummed on your hair.

“Hmm?”

He chuckles lightly as he caresses your hair delicately, his fingers sometimes grazing your nape.

“Yeah, I held you like this the night of my birthday instead of going back.”

You definitely had no memories of that. You knew he took care of you, but you didn’t think he got cozy in bed afterwards.

“I thought awww poor you. You seemed like you could use a cuddle. You did beg me to fuck you after all.”

Typical of him, he had to be an ass and ruin the moment.

But you didn’t believe him. You knew that’s not what happened. You did kiss him first and asked him to stay, but you did not beg. Even if you did forget everything, you still wouldn’t believe him. You’re not the type of person to beg.

“Don’t invent stories just because you wanted to feel me up after sex.”

His chest rumbles within your touch as he worked up a laugh from your snappy comeback. “You’re really something, kitten.”

“You’re gonna keep calling me that, huh?”

He cranes his head back a bit, creating some space between you. You could tell he was peering at you.

“Don’t like it?”

You smile at his question. You found the nickname tacky at first, but it kind of got stuck with you. He’s never called you any other pet names other than that and it made you feel like it was solely for you.

“No, I love it.”

You tilt your head up a bit to look at him.

“I love you.”

You were so apprehensive earlier because of the torment that still lingered from the many failed attempts to tell him so.

You thought you would need more time, but that doesn’t seem to be the case as he easily whisked your worries away just by being with him like this.

You were finally able to tell him sincerely in your own accord. You didn’t realize keeping these feelings all to yourself was so heavy that letting it out was such a liberating experience.

As you free your chest with the restless burden of secretly loving him, you don’t feel empty because your heart was filled with content from knowing that he loves you just the same.

It reflects on his face, more so now that his smile is growing broader by the second which was accompanied by a noticeable flush on his cheeks that was illuminated by the dim light of his night lamp.”

“I love you too, y/n.” His eyes exuding profound adoration for you.

“I had my chance to tell you the morning after I got wasted. I just-”

“Hey,” he cut you off then removed his hand on your waist to cup your neck, his thumb brushing gently the curve of your jaw.

“I have you now. That’s all I care about,” the elated smile still not leaving his face.

“I can see that. You look too freaking happy,” you said as revenge for how he ruined your moment just a while ago.

“Well, sorry I’m not emotionally constipated like you,” he quickly outwitted your attempt to mock him.

“You scumbag,” you hissed despite his blissful smile infecting you.

He pulls you again closer to him until your bodies stripped off of any clothing are perfectly molded against each other.

“Yea yea, say whatever you want but I’m the scumbag you love.” Even when you couldn’t see his face anymore, you could still hear how enraptured he was.

And so were you as you snuggled with him until you fell asleep.

“Sorry, I’ll be a little late, kitten. I need to be here for a while even though the game ended already.”

You could hear him scuffling around with the dwindling sound of excitement in the background.

You’re already late from your planned time, but he was running even later. Not that you were upset. You didn’t have major plans or anything. You just agreed to go to his place together since you’re spending the night there.

“You have my keys, right? You can go ahead.”

“I can go there and wait for you,” you suggested since you still have some energy left from the orderly photoshoot you had this late afternoon. Also, you’d just be restless waiting for him at his apartment.

“You sure?” He asked even though you were sure he’s smiling judging from the way he sounded.

“Yup.”

“Okay then! Have to hang up now though. Love you, kitten,” then he ended the call.

It’s been almost a month now since you two were officially together but he sometimes still catches you off guard with how he expresses his love for you without reservations. But you have no complaints.

Upon arriving in Tokyo Stadium, there were only a few people inside, and some of those few are heading out.

Thank goodness for that. Even if you weren’t feeling tired, you didn’t wanna get squashed by Volleyball enthusiasts. It would also make your bed-headed boyfriend much easier to find.

You don’t want to call him just yet. He’s probably still occupied so you’ll just look for him.

As you paced the area unsurely, you were starting to doubt your decision to look for him on your own. You had no idea stadiums had this kind of structure on the inside since you’ve never gone in one. You thought it was just one big open area with elevated benches.

Instead of going inside the actual playing arena, you went to the narrow halls that branched to the sides of the building.

Just before passing a certain corner, someone emerged from a room that you weren’t aware was actually there.

“Oy Hinata, I’m going ahead if you keep being a slowtard,” a tall, dark-haired man aggressively stated before walking towards your direction.

“Kageyama, you impatient turd!” A bright orange-haired guy, who’s probably called Hinata, came out right after, hurrying to go after the dark haired one who’s most likely Kageyama.

Before he could even pass you by, you lock eyes with Hinata.

A snap of familiarity hits you both.

“Waah. Ms. Pretty!” He said in English, completely and overwhelmingly affable that it was almost adorable.

Oh right, you spoke in English the first time you met.

“Hello.” You smiled politely, still holding up your non-Japanese speaking facade.

Kageyama stopped walking and turned his attention to you. He bowed then looked at Hinata. “You know her?” He asked in Nihongo.

“Not really. But it was kinda funny, Kuroo-san called her ‘kitten’ but she didn’t really know him,” Hinata grinned from amusement only but Kageyama didn’t respond.

Hinata frowned and took a semi defensive stance. “You better not tell Kuroo-san I said that.”

You just alternate your gaze between the two men, deciding whether you should admit that you could actually speak Nihongo and that you’re looking for Kuroo or just let things play out as is.

“What’s the noise all about?”

Another set of recognizable faces turned up - fake blondie, curly, and black and white.

It wasn’t hard to guess why they were there. They were athletes. They weren’t just guests in the event. They were most likely brand ambassadors too, except for Kageyama. It’s the first time you saw the man.

They must be part of the national team. Kuroo did say it was an international match today.

Fake blondie’s face lit up as soon as his eyes landed on your face. He quickly made his way to approach you, passing by Hinata when he did.

“You lost, pretty girl?” It contained everything Hinata’s previous compliment lacked, pure flirtatiousness together with a come-hither smile.

So the Volleyball national team can somehow speak English. Although, they still retained their heavy accents.

You studied fake blondie in front of you and quickly decided that you wouldn’t date him even if you haven’t met Kuroo. The guy’s hot, but he seems like an idiot.

“Y/n?”

Someone who you didn’t have to identify by his hair entered the scene, Yaku.

You wave reservedly at him for you still haven’t forgotten how you acted around him the first you met.

“What’re you doing here?” He, then, turned to fake blondie. “Cut it out, Miya-san. I’m certain she’s not interested.”

“She can’t understand Nihongo, Yaku-san.” Black and white appeared to be whispering but his voice was loud enough for everyone to hear..

Yaku threw him a confused look. “What? I met her around two months ago. She’s a local, Bokuto.”

The Miya person scowled, “Geez. Could’ve saved me the trouble.”

You just ignored him and shifted your attention to Yaku.

“I’m looking for Tet-” you cleared your throat. He’s been pestering you to call him ‘Tetsu’ every single day until you just succumbed to it and it became normal to you. You almost addressed him as such to these people who you presume he’s working with.

“I’m looking for Kuroo.”

Yaku raised an eyebrow with intrigue twinkling on his whole face. “Oh?”

“Mmmhmm,” you answered obscurely.

“You friends or somethin?” Miya asked with an ounce of wariness, changing your initial thought of him being an idiot.

Yaku grinned. “They’re just friends,” he answered for you, obviously anticipating whether you’d agree or not.

You weren’t ashamed of dating Kuroo, but you’ve had some kind of weird interaction with these people that involved Kuroo, save for Kageyama obviously. Poor guy must be confused at the novelty of what’s happening.

From behind Bokuto and the curly haired guy whose name you still have no idea what, the man you were looking for presented himself and walked towards you.

Those he passed by had their eyes lingering on his back with Miya being the last person to notice him since Miya is the closest to you.

“Not that it’s any of your business,” he puts a possessive arm around you, “ but this lost lady here is my girlfriend.”

You tried to hold off a smile, but it was futile. You didn’t expect that announcing it to other people was that gratifying after more than a year of consistently telling people otherwise. .

Damn it feels good to be more than just friends with Kuroo.

A/N”

I want to cry. This was my very first fic and my very first series as well. I'm so happy to see it through and finish it.

I'm thinking of an epilogue maybe next year, but for now, I'm marking it as completed.

I love you all.

Part 9 || Epilogue || m.list

taglist (thos in bold and crossed out can’t be tagged)

@lia-faerie-queen @mkkhaikyuu @fastidious-and-precise @winunk @feelkindahorny @cece-lives-here @arendizzle @phantomneko0 @ysatrap @babythotshq @ameliaxo @miiy @kurooscoochie @lucifers-luv @suikrem

#kuroo smut #kuroo fluff #kuroo angst #kuroo x reader #Kuroo Tetsurou #haikyuu kuroo #haikyuu series #haikyuu x reader

191 notes · View notes

love-takes-work · 4 years ago

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Steven Universe: End of an Era: Outline & Review

I wrote this review in October but never got around to posting it here

Steven Universe: End of an Era is far more than an art book–it’s also a collection of behind-the-scenes material, stories about the experience of working on the show, planning documents and associated background info, and both older versions of developed concepts AND concepts that never made it into the show. It's a huge fusion of all those elements, and it's definitely an experience!

Some low-quality images are included with my review just to give you an idea of what’s there--it’s not a good substitute for getting your own copy, but here’s a tour!

Like the previous concept art book, Art and Origins, I'll be giving you a description of the structure and overview, while also collecting notable information for fans. Obviously just about everything is "notable" once again, but I'll aim for unique insight or perspective on the main source material, keeping the screaming about everything new to a minimum so you can also enjoy something for yourself if you pick it up. My low-quality photos should prevent people from feeling like I'm reproducing the book in any capacity. Please grab one while you can and have your own experience!

[SU Book and Comic Reviews]

OVERVIEW

The book is titled "End of an Era" for a couple reasons--obviously because it is released after the show has wrapped, but also because Gem history recently ended its "Era 2" and began Era 3--an age of prosperity and peace. The author--the person in charge of adapting all of this information into this slick, readable package--is Chris McDonnell, whose work was previously applied on the Art and Origins book.

The foreword is by N.K. Jemisin, a well-known science fiction author who's a huge fan of the show (and wrote a really excellent series that also has a weird geological connection, by the way).

And the cover, like its predecessor, is shiny and decorated with a beach scene featuring minimalistic characters--this time it's the Gems at night in front of the Temple, and on the back cover is a big pink leg ship in a cross-legged pose.

The interior covers are decorated with tons of amazing sketches of Steven and Connie on the front, and a bunch of Gem sketches on the back. Every interior page that most would leave blank is highlighted with some kind of sketch art or character exercise--it's so much to look at, so much to absorb.

The book is dedicated "For Eddie."

Its organization is different from the previous book in that it shares applicable work in chunks associated with groups of episodes rather than pertaining to different aspects of building the show.

FOREWORD

N.K. Jemisin gives us such a great introduction to the book--apparently understanding very well that the audience of this book is full of animation enthusiasts and adult fans more than it is full of kids, and explaining that bewildering journey some adults had from blowing this show off as a silly kid thing to falling in love with it hard and fast.

The important thing, Jemisin says, is being able to trust a storyteller with your heart. And it was clear to her that Rebecca Sugar knew what she was talking about and was saying important things about identity and the radical power that comes with accepting it and demanding respect.

Important also is how we handle heroes and who gets to be one in fantasy. That's part of the reason Steven Universe speaks to so many--because we see ourselves here, and know stories can be about us. Acknowledging the power we all have to MAKE THINGS BETTER with what we fight for is so important--especially if we're going to speaking to the next generation about it.

Highlighting Rose Quartz as a "born leader" who failed and Steven as a relatable scamp who did what she couldn't, Jemisin asserts that we can save the world.

1. END OF AN ERA

We start with an appeal to the audience to think about identity and the formative parts of our childhood--and how different it is if who you are and who you become is restricted, mocked, erased, or Not Allowed. Most people, if not ALL people, can relate to this, but for those of us with a special relationship with Steven Universe because of queer identity, this hits hard.

But it doesn't have to be anything grand to be something we respect--this show's authenticity comes largely from how personal everything is, drawn from real-life experiences and incidental truths from each artist's perspective, leaning hard on childhood and formative experiences.

Rebecca Sugar offers some interview bits to discuss writing philosophy and why "writing female characters" was difficult for a nonbinary person who'd been socialized as a girl and a woman. Rebecca has spoken before about how frustrating it is that marketing for cartoons was SO gendered when she was growing up (and to some extent still is).

The Gems in the story are all "she/her," but on their planet they're defined by their work, not by emotion or relationships (unlike women in our society), so having them be socialized opposite to how she was and be able to claim those emotions through choice and NOT as just an expectation "as women" was revolutionary. Rebecca wants her show to tell all marginalized people that they don't deserve to be in the margins.

Weighing in on other aspects of the show were Ian Jones-Quartey, Joe Johnston, and Miki Brewster. Ian describes feeling like at first doing SU was a thrill ride that meant they'd finally get to do all the cool stuff, but it quickly became a responsibility that he took very seriously--the need to tell a good story now that he'd been given a megaphone.

Promotional art, planning documents, character sketches, and concept art from the lighthearted to the stone serious is included, along with some very cool (sort of famous) timeline charts that track major characters' developments. It's emphasized by Rebecca that the developmental materials ARE NOT CANON (and especially are not MORE canon) compared the final show.

There are concept sketches alongside final art for Aquamarine and Topaz in "Wanted" (with Topaz labeled "Imperial Topaz"), the Zircons in "The Trial," Blue and Yellow Diamond, and the Off Colors (including Pink Lars).

And there's also a spread of "the two sides of Steven's life: Gem Magic and Rock N Roll" featuring Sadie Killer and the Suspects (referred to as "Buck's band")--as well as a cool "Crew Cameos" key and some concepts for short-haired Connie.

And then there's some more "finished" art with stills alongside concepts, including some background art, revision, and really cool "fairytale" art from some of the shadowplay storytelling bits. We get "Lars of the Stars," "Jungle Moon," and "Can't Go Back."

2. THE BEGINNING OF THE END: A SINGLE PALE ROSE

In discussing the huge reveals and Gem mysteries in the show, the pacing is examined, and emphasis is put on the intended "slow burn." One of the most difficult things in the show was to strategize so that every piece that was needed to support another piece in the future was placed properly to seed what it was supposed to.

Some of the ideas they developed were more of a group effort and were fit together collaboratively (like Amethyst's being younger than the other Gems and Jasper being from Earth), while others were intended from the beginning based on Rebecca's vision (the fundamental idea of Pink Diamond's true identity, for instance, as well as Obsidian's design and sword and our Pearl not being Pink's first).

The writing process gets a great deep dive here, including fun tidbits like how the orb in the moon base was inserted by Joe Johnston and they literally had no idea what it was for when they wrote the episode. They repurposed it when they figured out what they needed.

Rebecca credits her detailed timelines for helping keep the order straight, and discusses how other artists are sometimes flabbergasted that a storyboard-driven show can have this much detail and continuity and yet not get wrecked by the free non-scripted boarding process. But Rebecca and the Crew valued that approach and loved the way fresh eyes would handle an idea, making it come back alive, entertaining, vivid.

Several Crew members weigh in on the writing process. Lauren Hecht refers to making lots of incorrect guesses despite being on the inside. Joe Johnston recalled getting briefed on his first day and getting so excited to start working on this massive project.

Miki Brewster remembered being told Rose Quartz is Pink Diamond and being shocked--and also confused about why Ruby and Sapphire would need to be married if they're already basically married. Drew Green talks about being brought in late and getting to watch unaired episodes and a rough of the movie while eating cereal.

Ian Jones-Quartey complains about Pink Diamond's real jester-like form being leaked to the internet through a Hot Topic shirt. Rebecca piggybacks on that and says it was upsetting that the wedding was leaked because of toy fair keychains featuring Ruby and Sapphire in wedding attire. They'd always be worried about leaks, and sometimes Rebecca struggled not to talk about the reality of Pink Diamond before the reveal because she knew it would make so much more sense once the truth was out. And everything associated with Rose makes more sense once you know she's Pink--especially what happened with Bismuth, considering what we know about how Pink Diamond has a habit of treating anyone who no longer serves her interests.

When it comes to visual cues, Rebecca also talks about intentional designs to create a feeling of unity between concepts, like the flower shapes on Pink Diamond's palanquin lining up with the poofs of Steven's hair and the star imagery of the series. Steven Sugar and Mary Nash discuss how the Human Zoo incorporated this imagery, trying to look like Homeworld with a Pink Diamond touch.

Steven Sugar, as a game nerd, liked to throw in video game references from old and modern stuff to feel like he's inserting what he's enjoying and who he is from moment to moment, while Mary Nash, who related to Sadie as a basement-dwelling young person with cult interests, liked to include stuff from MST3K and cult movies. Pearl's hand gestures get a spotlight too--her reflex to cover her mouth when Pink Diamond was being discussed was analyzed here.

A "Top Secret Visual Timeline" from 2016 is included which tells us some Diamond history. It has an earlier version of Pink Pearl's fate and does not include Spinel since the movie hadn't been greenlit. The timeline includes the birth of the Diamonds, the emergence and major story beats for each major character, and some philosophy of the driving force behind each.

We're told that Pink Diamond straightened up, behavior-wise, after she lost her first Pearl, and that Yellow and Blue wanted to give her a planet but White only agreed to it to prove she would fail at managing a colony. Pearl, meanwhile, is so confused to have a Diamond who keeps asking her what she thinks when she doesn't believe she should have opinions.

And when Pink moonlighted as Rose to start conflict, she found herself leading an army to fight Pink's troops--then Yellow's, and eventually Blue's too. Lapis is said to be waiting for the conflict to end on Earth so she can terraform, but she gets trapped instead.

Pearl's love story with Rose is described as "an endless honeymoon" where she's free to love her, while Rose's is more like "I'm now the head of the family and I'm going to give everyone what they never had, so everyone is super special!"

Jasper is described as "adopted" into Yellow's army as the only successful Beta Quartz. And White Diamond knew that Pink Diamond was not dead--she thought she was just running away from home like a brat and would eventually be back.

3. THE HEART OF THE CRYSTAL GEMS

Now we discuss Rose Quartz--the original Pink Diamond. How she was selfish and selfless, never enough and always too much, and how Greg was her first partner who "challenged her" to be an equal. Rebecca describes Rose as being delighted by the idea that both she and Greg reinvented themselves, but when that leads her to want to share her past, Greg isn't interested--he only wants to know who she is now, and doesn't consider the old her to be her.

Rebecca likes Carl Jung's concept of "enantiodromia," which is the idea that extremes lead to their extreme opposite. This is demonstrated in all of the Diamonds. This narrative is interspersed with drawings of Greg and Rose being cute.

But another "heart" of the Crystal Gems is its relationships--particularly, Garnet, the fairy tale romance embodied. More psychological theories are discussed with regard to differentiation in a relationship making the relationship stronger, and how they made sure that happened for Garnet during the appropriate arc. Rebecca has struggled with the idea that she, like Ruby, went straight from a "family" group to a living-with-others situation and never lived by herself. But she also learned that you can in fact develop as a person in the context of a relationship--you don't have to be alone to do it. Ruby learned that too, and chose on her own terms to be with Sapphire.

The wedding made so much sense to Rebecca and the crew that they couldn't imagine a wholesome couple like Ruby and Sapphire not having a wedding episode. They wanted it for years: The wedding concepts always included the tuxedo for Sapphire and the wedding dress for Ruby.

But pushback (often blamed on the conservative standards of the international market) led to negotiations trying to keep Ruby and Sapphire's relationship from being explicit. Rebecca and the Crew were very tired of this double standard, and they were especially irritated by attempts to claim a wedding wouldn't be well received by a core demographic or wouldn't make sense for Steven's character. But other shows had done weddings and Steven had been established to love weddings already.

Rebecca kept adding more elements to the wedding episode to answer all the concerns, but she didn't want to back down from explicit marriage between these characters. They deserved it. And the audience deserved to see this as wholesome, like any other cartoon wedding. Eventually they got their way and were allowed to have the wedding. But the ordered episodes were also coming to a close without promise of more, so Rebecca had to request more episodes to be able to wrap up the storyline!

And of course, there is Steven, the true heart of the team. A very interesting aside discusses Garnet's leadership and how the network pushed the Crewniverse to acknowledge Steven as the leader. This was successfully resisted throughout as well--because Garnet is the leader (unless she's incapacitated, of course). It's fantastic that this concept was preserved because too often a young male chosen one is elevated above people with more experience and knowledge because of that chosen one tradition, so it's really nice to have a show acknowledge that team leadership is more appropriate for an adult.

4. ERA 3

Beginning with a discussion of the Diamonds, this chapter deconstructs the dysfunctional "family" of the Diamonds (who are said to be based on tropes about evil stepmothers and stepsisters), with the thread of dysfunction originating with White Diamond.

Yellow is physical, Blue is emotional, White is judgmental, and Pink is impulsive. Some philosophy on why Pink is naturally manipulative and why she clashes so much with White is offered.

White believes her identity is to be imposed on all because she is the pinnacle of what should be--and therefore, she has the right to make decisions and statements about and on behalf of everyone. But her secret is that she can't do what the others do--act or feel or want. In trying to be everyone, she is no one.

And this becomes very important when she confronts Steven about his identity and turns out to be wrong. The triumph of Steven being totally, fully himself is a beautiful, simple revelation that's described as far more satisfying than the theories about Pink living inside him or Rose returning from his Gem.

Also discussed is Gem architecture. A lot went into this idea, and Steven Sugar weighs in to say he had to think of what it would mean for a world to have buildings but serve no human needs. That's why it's mostly focused on transport and storage. Even the broken planet is meant to indicate a place stripped for its resources, and everything serves a function that is meant to avoid looking like the human equivalents.

And there's another layer, too: a difference between Era 1 and Era 2. Era 2 became more functional to hide Era 1's broken bits, and older Homeworld buildings still have some "ornate and ancient" feel to them. And the fact that props, tools, and even walls and doors could be living was taken from a concept Rebecca thought was horrible from old Busby Berkeley movies, where people were inanimate objects and it was portrayed as lovely. Tom Herpich helped conceptualize these living objects.

Steven dealing with "princess tropes" is discussed here too. The Pebbles (worked on with Pendleton Ward) were sort of his Cinderella's mice, and all the locked-in-a-tower, having supportive tiny friends help you, getting princess clothes made, attending a ball, having to mind your manners stuff was intentionally related to fairy tales.

The point of doing that (besides fun) was to easily invoke the feeling that Steven was being made to be someone he's not, and that he was being treated like THIS is who he really is when it isn't. White Diamond as the "evil stepmother" is discussed with regard to her detailed features and massive scale. They generally didn't put fingernails and eyelashes on characters (especially not to indicate that they were women or girls!), but they decided White would get all of these feminine markers for tradition's sake.

Rebecca also invokes several other references that were included and describes the princess tropes as "chipping away at his integrity" setting him up for the final challenge with White.

There is again tons of concept art: Homeworld architecture, Pebbles, Diamond diagrams, background Jades and Lemon Jade Fusion, Comby, Diamond extraction chambers, and White Diamond.

5. CHANGE YOUR MIND

Now we finally begin to discuss Steven's identity. The "Perfect Steven," discussed in several interviews before this book's release, was an idea back in 2013; the "ultimate Steven," beefed up and shonen-looking, was far from perfect because OUR Steven is perfect, while this alpha hero Steven idea (used in Steven Universe Future) didn't belong being idolized in such a show.

They thought about having Steven fall apart into organic half and Gem half early in the show (during "Giant Woman" after a successful fusion and unfusion, even!), but they didn't try the concept until the last episode. They didn't want the "Pink" Steven to be portrayed as "better" even though he would be more powerful, so they decided he isn't whole without his organic self and he's just as much of a shell as the organic half. They absolutely did not want any ending that required Rose to be inside him or waiting to come back. But the debates were fierce--what DOES it mean to have Rose's Gem?

Ian Jones-Quartey brings in an anecdote about his own family to emphasize some of the immigrant themes that inspired aspects of the show. He had a brother who reinvented himself elsewhere away from family without resolving issues, and all the ramifications of that were explored in the show through Rose Quartz. (He is careful to say he doesn't think his immigrant experience is like being from another planet!) But he did say you can hurt your old family even if they were toxic or didn't know the real you, and you can hurt your new family by hiding your past. The Pizza family of course was also a more direct reference to Ian's Ghanaian family.

In talking about the new Fusions from this episode, Sunstone is largely described by Miki, who also got to board the Sunstone section. Sunstone was described as a cool 1990s character and the evolution just continued into making them a fourth-wall-breaking PSA dispenser. Obsidian is also discussed, with their sword being an early concept. Steven Sugar said they totally knew it would be forged in action. Obsidian being similar to the Temple design is of course another very early detail.

The story of how James Baxter got involved with one of the final scenes (Organic Steven and Pink Steven fusing in front of White Diamond) was shared. His family was fans of the show and Rebecca Sugar took the time to drive to a birthday party for his daughter and give her a drawing. He then owed her a favor, and this was it.

Concept art is again included, this time with sample boards, promo images, a Diamond fight concept, costume design changes for the Gems, new Fusions, the so-called "Mega Diamond" ship conglomerate, some scenes from the White Diamond confrontation, Pink Steven, multiple pages of James Baxter animation, corrupted Gems and their healed selves, and photos from the "Change Your Mind" premiere and some awards. The show has won one design-related Emmy, a Peabody Award, and a GLAAD award.

6. STEVEN UNIVERSE FUTURE

The book doesn't cover the movie because it got its own book, but dives right into Future. Ian Jones-Quartey emphasizes that the movie and Future are separate and different from the original show, which ENDED. After all, after that, Steven has a neck!

Some new names are invoked now: new writers Kate Tsang, Jack Pendarvis, and Taneka Stotts. They were excited to have Steven make HIS OWN mistakes instead of trying to clean up someone else's! Now, instead of doing the usual shonen anime thing and having the final battle be a big physical rumble, Steven has to make peace with himself and take an active role in coping with what all the fighting has done to him and what effect it's had on who he is (and who he wants to be). There is no sudden "I love myself!" answer, either. It's always a process.

Drew Green and Maya Petersen, who came on board as storyboarders officially in Future, also weighed in on writing for a "mature" show, how to deal with Steven being a "moral compass" while being sort of unreliable, and what they learned as Crew that they didn't know as fans. Drew didn't know Garnet never asks questions. Jack didn't realize the show never deviated from Steven's point of view. Taneka was nervous but excited to collaborate. Kate was worried about how established the show was and what to do as a new writer to contribute appropriately.

Maya was on the old Crew but not as a storyboarder, so felt like some of the "old" ideas ended up not being appropriate for the "new" Future in an embarrassing way--and dreaded the idea of dealing with Steven's emotional problems when they were similar to stuff she'd been through. She also was personally behind the idea of Steven wanting to dump his problems by becoming Stevonnie, and got to work with Etienne Guignard on inventing the Pearl creation backstory with Volleyball.

There's some discussion of "depression hobbies," stress, and the show's pacing. And they say Etienne was entertaining at pitches. There's even some discussion of how Greg is taken off a bit of a pedestal because his terrible restrictive life in the suburbs sounded wholesome to Steven and Greg presented it negatively.

And then there is some information about how the Crew felt behind the scenes due to fan reactions and negative press. Ian discusses feeling offended when the Black characters are described as bad examples, as if their cartoonized but realistic-in-context features are automatically caricatures.

Rebecca Sugar felt beaten down by some of these narratives and began to access mental health services, inspiring some of the content of "Mindful Education." A long reflection from Rebecca discusses people's infighting about her show and what she had a responsibility to show or not show in the story. She learned a lot about bullying from Cartoon Network's anti-bullying program and learned that bullies thrive on whatever attention you give them--unless it is made clear to them by a peer group that no one is impressed by their cruel actions. Also, not all negative feedback is bullying. Constructive criticism is different. Self-awareness can help you avoid internalizing what bullies might do or say to you.

Segueing from the discussion of how people are affected by and connect with the show, we then discuss how they chose as a team what should be covered as the show came to a close. They didn't have time to do quite a few stories they wanted time for, like a Rhodonite story, a Lars side story, and Diamond "prehistory" and religion; all of it was put aside for the main arc with Steven.

They thought people would find those stories about Homeworld and Off Color history very interesting, but so much of the show had been about Steven's Gem adventures, so keeping him mostly on Earth seemed appropriate. The acknowledgment of his battle damage, of his trauma, was necessary and real, and helpful in an important way to the core audience.

Oh, and there was some stuff about a cheeseburger tree. Don't ask.

In discussing the "reverse escapism" of the original show (Gem aliens are intrigued by everyday human culture, and realism is necessary), Rebecca says her views have changed on escapism and gets why some people want a soothing feel-better show. She acknowledged also that her own escapist dreams-come-true fulfilled in the show didn't feel like escapism because they were givens to the majority of mainstream culture, but were never guaranteed to marginalized people.

Rebecca ties in her several-times-told story about "Love Like You" and how the middle bit was when she didn't feel she was worth looking up to, and the realizations she had to tie the beginning to the end. Feeling like someone will like you less if they know you more is terrible. So sometimes a show like this can be helpful in telling people that they belong when their fantasies are things like "I want to be loved" and "I want to know I exist."

In Future, Steven has to connect to who he is and love that person--and understand that person enough to finally feel that even if he's not fixing their problems or saving their world right this second, Steven deserves his family's love and support, and they WANT to give it to him.

There's a huge amount of supplemental material in this section so there's no way I could name it all. The charts for Future's timeline are pretty straightforward, though a few episodes like "A Very Special Episode," "Why So Blue," "In Dreams," and "Bismuth Casual" aren't specifically represented and a couple are in a different order ("Prickly Pair" was conceived as happening after "Fragments" and "Homeworld Bound").

Steven feeling like a monster, having intrusive thoughts, having not forgiven the Diamonds, and getting help/moving on--it's all there.

We have keys, color scripts, and boards for the new opening and some various backgrounds and storyboard art from episodes. Model sheets for Shep, Nice Lapis and Mean Lapis, Jasper, Steven Tag Gems, Pink Steven Powers, Monster Steven. New house concepts, Era 3 Homeworld concept art for the Diamond environments, and background art for the Reef.

New Connie and Greg designs. Concepts for Mega Pearl, the Rose Quartzes, Bluebird, and Morganite (who didn't get used). And there are some photos from recording and the conference room. There are even some extras from "Crossover Nexus," the crossover with OK K.O.!--including an unused cut scene that included Ruby and Sapphire fighting. The rest of the book is a bunch of adorable Crewniverse art--extras, blog drawings, promos, and gifts to each other.

NOTABLE

The first timeline chart in the book features a cool sketch of the original Off Colors, which at the time this planning document was drafted included unused Off Colors Flint and Chert.

We knew of their existence already because of an episode of the podcast, but these two unexpectedly appeared as incidental characters in the Steven Universe Future episode "Homeworld Bound," identified only in the credits. Sad to think that instead of banding with the Off Colors, these two were probably shattered for their crime (being Quartzes who don't want to fight) and that's why we see them being repaired in this episode. Later, there's some brainstorming for types of Off Colors and "a Ruby that wants to wear limb enhancers" is mentioned as well.

It looks like there was also originally more juice to the story of tracking down the events of the war culminating in Pink Diamond's assassination.

One of the timelines talks about Steven thinking it makes sense that Pearl can't talk about her involvement because she might have been a double agent, explaining why Rose Quartz always knew what Pink Diamond was doing. It seems like that bit was supposed to be included in Garnet's version of the story she believed in "Your Mother and Mine." Seems like they originally conceived Garnet's story to inspire the Off Colors to become pirates and freedom fighters, though in the show's canon this storytelling happened after Lars had already reinvented himself the way he did.

Sadie was also supposed to be sending letters to Lars via Steven, which is funny since the "Letters to Lars" episode is just a montage Steven letter. And of course it's specified that Steven was supposed to get Pink Diamond flashbacks by going to the Palace on Homeworld.

The second chart in the book makes references to Sadie's reinvention of herself as a parallel to Lars, Greg, and Pink Diamond all doing the same thing, and how positive it is to embrace such a thing--a version of yourself that YOU create.

I love that Yellow Diamond's arm ship arm-wrestling the Cluster was always part of the plan.

There's some more explicit direction to have Connie help Steven understand the Diamonds as "strict parents," and a lot more emphasis on everyone realizing Rose had been inspired by THEM rather than them all following her.

White Diamond is presented here as if she thinks of Pink Diamond as a "daughter" (whom she now understands she has "lost"). There are notes on how the Diamonds have a responsibility to their children and should attend to it before just continuing to make more.

One of the concept art images for the Off Colors features Rhodonite crouching by Padparadscha saying "Don't worry, I won't let them hurt you." It's very interesting because she DOES seem to protect Padparadscha in the show, but doesn't seem confident about it in her final version, even though it does seem like she'd be "programmed" to guard aristocratic Gems because of her Ruby and Pearl makeup. Cool.

A "Crew Cameos" spread was included, which is of great interest to some of us who loved seeing the Crew insert themselves into the show. Not every SU Crew person who's been represented in a crowd was there, but this crowd included Amish Kumar, Kat Morris, Amanda Winterstein, Angie Wang, Lamar Abrams, Emily Walus, Mary Nash, Joe Johnston, Christy Cohen, Danny Cragg, Hilary Florido, Danny Hynes, Matt Burnett, Ben Levin, Elle Michalka.

The official national flower of South Korea, Hibiscus syriacus, is the name of Pink Diamond's flower.

One of Steven Sugar's comments about the silhouette difference between humans and Gems points out that humans have ears. This seems to be pretty good confirmation that they are not supposed to have ears, despite that sometimes we'll see ears drawn on them in some frames.

Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond is characterized in this book as "self-hating" in a really interesting way, saying that because she believed she was not capable of compassion, she practically worshiped those who demonstrated that ability and thought they were so much better than her--which is described as "intoxicating" and resulted in others being drawn to her. How interesting is that!

Timelines reveal that early plans for Pink Diamond's first Pearl originally had her getting destroyed by Pink during a game, and then her destruction was rewritten as a punishment from the Diamonds after Pink Pearl defended Pink Diamond to the other Diamonds. They went back to the idea of her getting hurt by Pink for the final version, though the cracked face and control by White Diamond was not on the agenda until they started writing "Change Your Mind."

10.

The approximate ages of the major characters, based on emergence, are revealed on these timelines. It begins with a cracked-planet-looking graphic depicting four tiny Diamonds emerging at 20,000 years ago. Some suspicious "blacked out" redacting surrounds a long timeline tail that goes back before that, which may mean there are secrets they still don't want to reveal. But the dates go like this:

20,000 years ago: The Diamonds emerge.

11,000 years ago: Pearl is custom-made for Pink Diamond.

8,000 years ago: Sapphire emerges (on Homeworld).

6,000 years ago: Ruby emerges (on a colony).

5,750 years ago: Garnet is formed.

5,600 years ago: Lapis is poofed and put in the mirror.

5,200 years ago: Jasper emerges (on Earth).

5,050 years ago: The Cluster is planted.

5,000 years ago: Amethyst emerges (on Earth).

4,500 years ago: The Crystal Gems found Amethyst.

3,000 years ago: Peridot emerges (on Homeworld).

40 years ago: Pearl found Lapis's mirror at the Galaxy Warp.

And of course we know 14 years ago Steven is born!

11.

Originally the Diamonds were based on a quartet of themes: Love, Fear, Pride, and Sorrow. It got too complicated to keep and it was abandoned, with Pink's identification of "love" being described as "particularly outdated."

12.

Notes on a sketch say that Pearl was inspired to become bold and unashamed because Pink's questions drove her to have opinions, and it's said that Rose "fell in love" with her boldness.

13.

Rebecca tells the story of driving off a ridge and getting stuck in the desert, comparing this to Ruby's tumble during her Wild West adventure and using it as inspiration. She's told this story before but here it is in print. She also included the story about using the flowers from a friend's wedding to put in Ruby's hair.

14.

Rebecca describes having to "fight" notes she was given when it had to do with Ruby and Sapphire's relationship. One she describes as NOT fighting was for a signing card depicting Ruby and Sapphire dancing. It was called "too romantic" and she decided not to worry about it since it wasn't the actual show content.

She was also scolded over her book The Answer because the powers that be expected her to downplay that relationship. She always argued that queer youth deserved these things.

15.

Tom Herpich describes being inspired to name Blue Diamond's comb "Comby" because he was watching the news about Comey getting fired from the FBI. It's also a mineral-related term and I always assumed that reference was intentional, but maybe it's not and this is the only intended significance to Comby's name?

16.

Rainbow Quartz 2.0's design is not discussed, though the other two new Fusions from "Change Your Mind" (Sunstone and Obsidian) were. RQ2 has some sketches included, but no accompanying narrative in the text.

17.

A sheet of corrupted Gems and their healed selves is offered, though it doesn't appear to be final. The obelisk in "Serious Steven" is labeled Albite. The unnamed Worm Monster, Desert Glass, and Watermelon Tourmaline are included. An unnamed birdlike Gem represents the Big Bird monster from "Giant Woman." The crab monster from "Arcade Mania" is labeled Blue Chalcedony. The Tongue Monster is drawn uncorrupted but not named. The Flower Monster from "Back to the Kindergarten" is labeled Grossular Diopside or Titanite. The invisible monster from "Island Adventure" is labeled Moonstone. The Lighthouse Gem is labeled White Topaz. A form for Larimar that was used in "Change Your Mind" but changed in Future is there. The Slinker is listed as Chrysocolla. And the Crab Monster is listed as Aventurine.

On the next page, this is changed to Bixbite (as it was in Steven Universe Future), and we then also have Lace Amethyst, Blue Lace Agate, Crazy Lace Agate (Fusion), Ocean Jasper, the Mother Centipeetle Nephrite (Facet 413 Cabochon 12) and three other Nephrites, Angel Aura Quartz, a hooded Jasper, Zebra Jasper, Biggs Jasper, Watermelon Tourmaline (labeled as Fusion of Gem * Onion--huh?), Snowflake Obsidian, "Little" Larimar, and Orange Spodumene (who was the Worm).

18.

The Rhodonite side story would have been about the love story of a Ruby and a Pearl working for Morganite. Images of Morganite and her servants, unfused, are in the book. We do not get this additional information, but Rebecca said in a panel shortly before the book's release that Rhodonite's story would have been about finding out that she had been Rejuvenated 17 times because her components kept falling in love and needing to be reset.

19.

Referring to the Diamonds on one of the charts, Steven's perspective is "I can't believe I helped these" and then there's a censor bar. Welp.

20.

Some included art by Hilary Florido features Kevin with a souped-up Koala Princess car and another where Kevin is staring at himself in the mirror in front of an altar to himself.

21.

Rebecca's sweater collection is included in the Crew art.

[SU Book and Comic Reviews]

#steven universe #steven universe end of an era #su spoilers #long post #su merch #myblog

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