#(and i do not think that is an indication that they are a Bad Person but that they are not in a good way and i can't be part of that)

[harmoonix]

S T A R G I R L

ʀᴀɴᴅᴏᴍ ᴀꜱᴛʀᴏʟᴏɢʏ ᴏʙꜱᴇʀᴠᴀᴛɪᴏɴꜱ

🧊 Those who are ruled by Jupiter or have Jupiter as a dominant planet have it easier in life since Jupiter grants luck, happiness, prosperity. This depends also if you have good aspects to Jupiter

🧊 if you are favored by Mars (Having Mars in a good sign like Aries, Scorpio, Capricorn) there is a chance to have less fights/arguments/drama in your life, depends on the aspects of your mars

🧊 Saturn ruled natives have dark aura, dark does not equal bad, is just darkness, their beauty relise in the dark, is always secretive and mysterious

🧊 Lilith aspecting the ascendant can be prone to attract toxic people, some people can also think that you can be 'toxic' or 'bad' with these placements

🧊 Mars can feel more lazy when is around an earth sign/house or degree, it moves more slowly than usual

🧊 Pluto/Moon or Neptune in the 9H can be attracted by occult, magic, withcraft, tarot, etc. These placements are also called 'bewitched' in this house

🧊 I find natives with Pluto or Saturn in the 11H to be very secretive around their friends and social circles, like nobody knows them truly

🧊 If Pluto is in the 10H and badly aspected can indicate 'power - hungry' doing anything to obtain what they want which is not good in most cases

🧊 Jupiter aspecting your ascendant can bless your appearance and looks, something about you is beautifully written in the stars

🧊 I know people who have lots of Virgo Placements that would like to work in fields where they can help others, like a therapist, a doctor, etc

🧊 If you have no aspects or empty North Node, it can indicate that your life is not that much impacted by things, like going flawlessly with your life

🧊 If you have Lilith aspecting the Sun, you can end up being blamed for things you never did, Lilith usually takes the bad part of the sun which represents the ego and turns it against others

🧊 I know by a fact that air and water placements can get influenced by the weather, it can influence their mood the most

🧊 Neptune/Chrion/Sun in the 12H/1H can make the native to be moody in a sense of getting into a depressed state easily than others

🧊 People with their Moons in Sagittarius or Pisces may like to sugarcoat others, in a way to be more 'indulgent' to others and to keep their hopes high both being ruled by Jupiter

🧊 I don't usually talk about synastry but looking at the Venus in a couple synastry chart can show how your partner gives/offers love to you

🧊 Venus in Sagittarius, Gemini, Aquarius can have the best luck in finding partners who will give them freedom in a relationship, since your Venus can show 'lovely' things your spouse can do for you

🧊 Saturn conjucting Lilith is one of the most painful placements to have in a chart. Everything that Saturn touches it becomes strict. It can strict yourself from your sexual energy

🧊 Lilith in your 4H can talk about breaking bad things from your family, like habits, addictions, trauma

🧊 I deeply wanna talk about Scorpio and Cancer Lilith because both of these have issues with their emotions, feeling safe/secure comforted, lacking love from parents or partners, both signs struggle in these areas and these are not easy signs to have Lilith in, especially if you have a traumatic history

🧊 Uranus and Moon in the 6H are planets which pay a lot of attention to their mental health, they always prioritize it

🧊 Libra Moon/Venus/Eros/Juno will feel dissatisfied in life if they don't have a sensual/romantic connection with their partners

🧊 a Scorpio moon/8h moon will value intimacy a lot in their relationships, beside being important, is also a healthy way to express themselves

🧊 Saturn in Virgo or in the 6h, or at 6° 18° may struggle with organization, finding an order in their lives, can be chaotic and the person may find peace in a chaotic environment with this placement

🧊 Saturn in the 12H/Pisces/ at 12° 24° makes a native to be confused, about their life, their career, job, family, relationship. Is like you live in a fog and you can't see the things you have around so these things can confuse you

🧊 Mars is a cruel planet, is not a sweet candy and will not stay to sugarcoat nobody in life, Mars will put action in your life

🧊 Sun harshly aspecting the Neptune can indicate 'hiding' yourself from the world, you can be anxious around others, not wanna be seen

🧊 Your 4H can talk about your home and the way you take care of it, having harsh aspects to your 4H ruler can indicate having a hard time to take care of your house

🧊 Scorpio Venus can be invested in their partners sexual life, your partner may not give the same energy back to you while you may crave it

🧊 Earth Signs in the 12H may deal with their subconscious more harshly, they can constantly judging themselves and being critical which is a pain for your subconscious. Give yourself a break from all the negative things

🧊 Jupiter and Venus aspects match so good if you're looking for a partner or a relationship, you can be blessed with a good marriage as well

🧊 I heard that a good time to look for a relationship is when you have your Jupiter Return or that most people find their love during one

🧊 Saturn in the 8H/Scoprio or at 8° 20° can struggle with their sexuality, in a way that they may feel shameful to be sexual or to be more opened about these topics

🧊 Capricorn Risings usually have better years with the time, you can actually observe that the next year can be better than the last one

🧊 Chiron in the 7H have the power to heal their partners and their relationships/marriage

🧊 Every time Mars has a transit in your 10H you may feel like people have something against you or that you may feel everyone around you is angry on something

🧊 The sad thing that comes with a Venus in the 6h/10h in a relationship may be that either you or your spouse may overwork and you will not have that much time to spend with each other, someone will always be more focused on work

🧊 'All night you gave me mad love' is an Aries Mars/Venus/Eros/Juno melody line, it fits with the Aries behavior

🧊 Pluto conjunct Lilith can make the native sexually powerful, your sexual energy is everything!

🧊 Aquarius Risings have an inner magic that not all the people can see, you need to be close to them in order to see their energy

🧊Aries/Scorpio/Mars/Pluto/Capricorn/Saturn in the 3H wont hold back from calling peolpe out, talking dirty, cussing, malefics are more in anger in the house of communication

🧊Earth Suns are so classic, so sophisticated, their fashion style is extremely beautiful, you should wear more gold to be in more earthy energy

🧊 I do not trust any uranus dominat/aquarius placements natives who are racist, sexist, homophobic, you know all these against the human right. (Usually i dont stand any people who are like this)... Like Uranus and Aquarius stand for being humanitarian and you are against it? JAIL and GOODBYE

🧊If you are Saturn dominant make sure to wear more black or dark colors because thats how saturn feels more appreciated by you, can bring you more benefits

Have a blessed day for everyone reading my astrology observations 💙💙💙

Harm💙💙nix

[yongility]

NEO TV # I LIKE ME BETTER WHEN I'M WITH YOU. (jaehyun x reader) 6/?

genre: angst, suggestive, gang au, rich kid au, enemies to lovers (kinda), a lil of fluffy stuff. slowburn, series.

warnings: drug use mentions, gangs, fights, use of weapons, adult language, illegal activities, cheating (not on the main couple), toxic family environment, addictions, manipulation, insecurities, illegal street racing, death mentions. jeno is jaehyun's younger brother, angst, smut and if I slip something my bad haha.

word count: +10k?

a/n: im the worst I KNOW! It's just i kept trying to write this chapter like a million times and it never ended like I wanted to and seeing as I have a language barrier (cuz English isn't my first language if u didn't know haha) I was just being unsatisfied with the chapter, but I force my ass to sit down and write this down so i hope u like it!

Sigh...

Overthinking.

(Y/N) had never been good at not thinking too much. Ever since she was little, she always found herself trapped in her own mind, unraveling every last detail of any situation. Perhaps it came from her mother, who had an almost supernatural ability to turn the smallest into the biggest, the most trivial into something monumental. Her mother sowed doubts where there were none, and every little imperfection became a tragedy in her house. That had marked her way of being, of perceiving the world and, especially, the people around her.

She hated it. But, despite everything, she couldn't help it.

Lying on the bed, her eyes fixed on the white ceiling, she felt how the silence enveloped her, how it pressed on her shoulders, on her chest. A heavy, unbearable silence, like a blanket that drowned her. The thoughts did not cease, on the contrary, they intensified as time progressed, dragging her more and more towards the storm raging inside her.

Five days. Five long and exasperating days.

Since the last time she saw Jaehyun. The last time he'd been at her house at one in the morning, when everything had been so... strange. So full of heavy silences, elusive looks, and something on his face, something she couldn't explain. A look she had never seen before. As if it was charged with something, with a desperation so great that he didn't know how to share it. Something that was far beyond the tension of her argument with Mark Lee. Something dark, hidden in the depths of Jaehyun, that she couldn't quite grasp.

Worst of all, now, five days later, she knew nothing about him. The unanswered calls, the messages delivered but not read. She had tried to contact him so many times, but the frustration was just overflowing her.

What was going on? The uncertainty was worse than any answer she could receive. In her mind, questions swirled like a whirlwind. Was she the cause? Had she done something that had driven him away from her? Why had he left so abruptly after their encounter?

She remembered that night. That last shared moment. It had been so... intense. So close, so intimate. An instant of shared vulnerability that had allowed her to feel that, at last, she was connecting with him in a deeper way. But then he was gone. Without a word. Without a word, without a gesture to indicate that something else might be behind his departure.

Jaehyun's words kept echoing in her mind, over and over again. "You're the one that can keep me on track."

Those words stuck to her skin like an invisible mark. What did they really mean? Was it true what he had said? Was she the one who could keep him focused? She wanted to believe it, wanted to be that person for him. But deep down, a fear was creeping in. Was she just being a distraction for him? Was she simply the release valve, the temporary relief for the anguish he was feeling, only so that later he could lose himself in his own pain again?

Knock. Knock. Knock.

She was confused, she didn't know what to do or what not to do. Should she go find him at Neo Zone? Or just wait for him to decide to show up? But, if Jaehyun decided not to... then what would she do?

Knock. Knock. Knock.

The sound of knocking on the door brought her out of her whirlwind of thoughts. She looked toward the door without moving a muscle, throat tight, stomach twisting. The last thing she wanted was to confront her mother, but the knock was persistent, as if someone had decided to break the silence of her room and force an interaction she didn't want.

But, despite the heaviness she felt inside, she got up. A slow, weary movement, as if she were walking through thick water. When she opened the door, she did not find what she expected, neither her mother, nor the inevitable argument. Instead, there he was.

"Daeho..." she murmured, her voice muffled, as if somehow his presence gave her back something she had lost in those days of constant overthinking.

It really had been a long time since they had last met face to face and to say it wasn't a surprise to her would be a total lie.

"Hey," he said, with a smile that didn't quite light up his face. "Can we just... hang?" he asked, scratching the back of his head as if it were weighing on him.

She nodded without another word, stepping aside for him to pass. As soon as he was through the door, Daeho plopped down on his bed unceremoniously, and (Y/N) mimicked him, lying down next to him quietly. They both stared at the ceiling, engulfed in the same silence that had filled their room before his arrival, though it felt somewhat less empty now.

It had been so long since they had shared a moment like this, a moment of simple companionship. She remembered the years when he had been her best friend, her inseparable companion, the only person she truly trusted within the family. But now, lying next to him, she felt as if she had a stranger by her side, someone who, despite all the shared memories, had fallen into a darkness from which she could no longer rescue him.

Daeho broke the silence, his voice soft but laden with an almost tangible weight. "How have you been?"

"I could be better," she replied, with a sincerity he understood without the need for details. He nodded, without looking at her, and went back to losing himself in the ceiling.

(Y/N) gaze strayed to him, and for the first time in a long time, she looked at him closely. His face seemed to have aged years in just a few months. His skin, paler than usual, was dotted with small imperfections that he once cared for with care. The dark circles under her eyes were deep, and her expression had an air of resignation that hurt to see. He sighed, swallowing the lump he felt in his throat.

It was ironic. The person she had grown up with, with whom she had shared so much, now felt like a stranger. She couldn't remember the exact moment when their friendship had changed, or how they got to this point. It had all happened so subtly, as if the words and gestures that had once bound them together had now lost their power. Perhaps time had eroded all that. Or maybe they simply didn't understand each other in the same way anymore.

A pang of pain shot through her. It wasn't just sadness she felt at seeing him like this, but also a pent-up rage, a helplessness that made her want to scream, to wonder at what point he had reached this point. How had he fallen so low?

Perhaps that moment had been from two years ago, when things had become a little darker in her family environment. When her aunt and uncle seemed unable to stop hurting his self-esteem again and again and again. Maybe it was since that gala when all eyes were on him, judging him, laughing at him, stalking him, waiting for him to make a simple mistake so they could point at him.

So they could tell him that he was not worthy of everything he had around him.

That he couldn't be as good as his father was.

That he was a mere spoiled child who deserved nothing.

Perhaps that was when it dawned on Daeho that he could never live up to the expectations he had to fill.

"Daeho..." she whispered, unable to keep the thought to herself alone. There was something heartbreaking about seeing how her cousin was losing himself, something that reached straight to her heart.

He closed his eyes, as if he knew what was coming, and remained silent, as if everything was in order.

"Why did we end up like this?" the question left his lips without meaning to. And as she uttered it, she felt a surge of pain run through her, as if that simple phrase was a reminder of how far away they were from each other.

Daeho closed his eyes for a few moments, as if trying to find an answer. Finally, he spoke, his voice muffled and distant.

"It's the only time I forget," he said, staring at the ceiling, not daring to look her in the eye. "When I do it, it's like I can stop thinking about everything."

"You're not forgetting," she asserted, "you're destroying yourself."

He let out a bitter laugh. "I don't think I'm doing it any more than they're destroying me," he said, his words hitting her with the force of a fist.

Silence filled the room again. She wanted to react, to scream at him, to convince him that he couldn't go on like this, but the words stuck in her throat. How to tell him that she could see him falling and could do nothing to stop it? How to make him understand that he was killing a part of himself?

"I can't keep watching you destroy yourself," he said at last, his voice trembling.

Daeho fell silent, and she felt a tide of memories rise up inside her. She remembered the years they had shared, the times when he was her refuge and she his, the days when nothing could separate them. Daeho had been more than a cousin; he had been her confidant, her best friend. To see him like this, consumed by something she could neither understand nor control, broke her heart.

"You don't have to," he replied softly, but the intensity of his words hit her hard.

(Y/N) wanted to laugh, a bitter, hurt laugh, but instead, she felt the lump in her throat grow larger.

"You said you'd quit it," she reminded him, almost in a sob.

Daeho turned his head toward her, and their eyes met for the first time that night. The look on his face was so devastated that she (Y/N) wished he hadn't looked at her.

"I can't," he admitted, his voice tinged with desperate honesty. "I've tried so many times, and each time...each time I realize I don't want to give it up. I know it's not what you want to hear, but...I'm in too deep. I don't know how to get out, even if I wanted to."

(Y/N) felt the pain in her chest become almost tangible. Seeing him like this, hearing those words, hurt in a way she could never have imagined.

"Why do things have to be like this?" she asked, feeling a lone tear fall down her cheek.

Daeho sighed, a long, exhausted sigh, and hid answer was so raw it seemed ripped from deep within him. "It's what I chose," he murmured. "It may not have been the best decision, but at least it was mine. It's the only thing I really decided for myself...without someone else telling me what to do, who to be. Even if it was for the worse."

She wanted to understand, wanted to see in his words something that would give her comfort, but she couldn't. She couldn't accept that someone who had once been so important to her had been lost like that.

"Don't let it drag you down," he said suddenly, his voice becoming firm. "I made my choices, (Y/N). But you...you have a life you can still build. I'm already too deep, but you...you have a lot ahead of you."

(Y/N) felt a mixture of anger and pain. She couldn't believe he was capable of telling her that, after all.

"You shouldn't keep seeing Jung Jaehyun," he added, in such a serious tone that it took her by surprise.

She looked at him, incredulous, the pain transforming into icy fury. "Get out of my room," he said, pointing to the door.

Daeho nodded, though not without a final sigh of resignation. "I just needed to tell you."

"Just go," she murmured, turning away from him.

He walked out quietly, leaving her in that loneliness that now seemed so much deeper, with the echo of his words echoing in the empty room.

Jaehyun knew it had been a chain of bad decisions and circumstances that had pushed him this far, but facing it was like tearing his skin off. He couldn't deny the truth: he hated everything around him, and he hated himself more than anyone else. His life, a maelstrom of regrets, had dragged him to this point, and try as he might, he could not escape that bitter mix of rage and hopelessness. Sometimes, in his darkest nights, he wished that everything would vanish into emptiness, that the weight of existing would finally disappear.

He wanted, with every fiber of his being, to close that circle.

"Ah, Jaehyun, always a pleasure to see you," Sooman said, leaning back in his chair with an icy, calculating smile, interlocking his hands with the false familiarity of one who controls the board.

Jaehyun felt the poison burn inside him. Disgust twisted his stomach, and that sneering smile of Sooman's only made his insides boil even more. He loathed the man with an intensity he could almost taste on his tongue. He faked a strained smile.

"I could say the same."

Fake it till you make it.

The thought passed fleetingly, and he tried to cling to it, but the hatred ate him.

"The last time we saw each other wasn't very pleasant," Sooman commented, dropping even more comfortably into his chair, as if enjoying the memory. Jaehyun's jaw immediately tensed. The memories of the beatings were still etched on his skin, and in his memory. Pain. Anger. Shame. All jumbled into a poisonous tangle. "That's why I want to make it up to you with a job."

Jaehyun could barely process that he was sitting there, across from Lee Sooman, listening to his offer, swallowing his disgust. He had heard everything Mark Lee had confessed, every word about the dark side of his boss that seemed to have no end. Deep down, all Jaehyun wanted was to make him pay, to see him suffer as he had seen his father, his Uncle Dong, Winwin suffer. Each of them had felt Sooman's merciless fist in their lives, and he was the last piece to fall.

Everything in him screamed to break the balance, to let the anger out. He wanted peace, but at the same time, he wanted to destroy everything.

The tension in Jaehyun's body increased. Make it up to him? The word felt like a taunt, but his voice was controlled, cold.

"What's this about?" asked Jaehyun, exhaling a sigh, as if by releasing the air he could release some of the weight in his chest.

Sooman smiled, with twisted satisfaction, and pulled his chair closer to the desk. "You see, in three weeks I have a trade. Trouble is, I don't want to, nor do I plan to, do it alone. I could take Cheol Uk with me, but I'd rather have him stay here, on this side of the pond...in case things get complicated," he explained, crossing his arms with the arrogant assurance of one who knows he controls all the strings. "And I think you'd be perfect company."

"What kind of exchange?" asked Jaehyun, though deep down he already sensed the answer.

"Weapons."

The shock of that word fell on him like a brick, a weight he couldn't shake. Jaehyun felt his body stiffen. He'd been in dangerous situations before, he'd played with fire and survived, he was a dealer in Neo Zone. But he knew that accepting that would mean crossing an invisible and final line. He would be transformed into someone even more embroiled in the chaos of the gang, with his hands stained with something he could never wash off.

It was hard to resist, but it was just as hard to accept.

"It'll be quick," Sooman continued, studying Jaehyun's every gesture like a predator watching its prey. "Just outside the city. If all goes well, it won't take more than an hour." he noticed the tension in Jaehyun's gaze, the hesitation he was struggling to keep hidden, and leaned toward him slightly. "I'm asking you because I trust you."

The words fell like a taunt. Jaehyun felt his blood boil, how his skin almost throbbed from pent up rage. His right hand clenched into a fist on his leg, trying to restrain the urge to get up and smash something, anything that would allow him to release what was burning inside him. How dare Sooman speak of trust, to pretend there was anything sincere between them? After all the damage he had sown around him?

But what choice did he have left? Deep down, Sooman's control was absolute.

"What's the pay?"

"Enough to cover six months of your friend's rehab," Sooman replied, his eyes locking on Jaehyun's, pressing right where he knew it hurt.

The mention of rehab was the final piece that fell, sealing his fate. Above all else, he needed the money. Above all else, there was someone else needing to get out of hell, and he couldn't let it drop. He closed his eyes for a moment, swallowing the pain that mingled with anger and despair.

"I'll do it."

"I knew you wouldn't fail me," Sooman replied, satisfied, with a smile that seemed tainted with venom. "You are just like your father. My trust is in you, Jaehyun."

Jaehyun nodded, feeling the knot in his chest tighten, choking him.

Fake it till you make it.

Roll on, light it up, inhale, exhale.

Roll on, inhale, exhale.

Inhale... exhale.

Inhale.

One, two... three.

Exhale.

Jaehyun coughed loudly as he passed the joint to Lucas, who with shrunken, red eyes took it in his hands without hesitation, taking a puff to hold the smoke in his lungs for a few seconds and slowly draw it out.

In front of them was the panoramic view of SM City, the prominent lights of the northern area made the southern area look small, even though from a distance they didn't seem to be so far apart... so different.

If only that were the case.

"You know you don't have to do it," Lucas muttered, exhaling one last puff of smoke before dropping the cigarette to the ground and crushing it with the toe of his shoe. His gaze, fixed on the ground, hid the trace of worry in his eyes.

Jaehyun continued to stare at the lights of the city, each bright spot fading into the distance, like the possibilities he once had and now seemed to be extinguished. His voice came out almost as a whisper, broken and strained. "It's six months of treatment, Lucas. "Winwin... Winwin has started to move his hand. It's a little acomplishment, I know. But it's a step, and I can't... I can't let that stop now." Each word was an effort, a confession that, deep down, that small breakthrough gave him a hope that felt forbidden in his life.

Lucas was silent for a few seconds, watching Jaehyun's profile, his rigid posture and the shadow of weariness in his gaze. "I thought you didn't want to do anything related to Sooman."

Jaehyun swallowed saliva. He thought so too. He had tried to escape Sooman's influence, that world that brought only destruction, but reality always caught up with him. He shoved his hands into his jacket pockets and sketched a bitter smile, one that barely disguised the lump forming in his throat.

"I thought so too, but you and Mark have said so, haven't you? If I try to do anything about it, not a week goes by before I'm found with a bullet in my head." His voice cracked in bitterness. "Tell me, what other choice do I have?"

Lucas let out a deep sigh, as if searching for the words amidst a cloud of dark thoughts. Then his voice was firm and determined. "I'll do it."

Jaehyun turned his head in surprise and looked directly at him. His eyes, reddened with fatigue and smoke, met his friend's. Then he let out a dry laugh, without a hint of mirth, and patted him on the back.

"Jaehyun." The name left Lucas' lips grimly, stopping him in his tracks. "I know we've said all our lives that the only one who had a chance of getting out of this shit was Winwin...but we know he's not the only one. Maybe I'm not smart enough, but I know you are. You could go to college, get away from all this. You're good at math, you're good at sports... You've got something out there, something worth more than I could ever have." Lucas looked at him with almost desperate seriousness. "Let me make the trade for you. You've got a lot more to lose."

His friend's words hit him like a truth he had tried to ignore. He pondered them silently, letting each one settle in his mind. He appreciated Lucas' attempt, his desperate proposal to sacrifice his own life to protect him, but he knew he could not allow it.

With an effort, he kept his voice steady, even though he felt each word plunging him deeper into his own emptiness. "I appreciate your... nobility, dude. But I will not let you risk your life to save mine. That's not something I can accept."

Lucas exhaled sharply, frustrated. His words came out cutting, in a last-ditch attempt to talk some sense into him. "Do you want to end up like your father, like Uncle Dong?" The mention of both names made Jaehyun tense, his fists clenching tightly until his knuckles turned white.

Jaehyun didn't respond. He turned around and started walking towards his car, trying to stifle the anger and pain boiling inside him. He could hear Luke's footsteps following him, the echoes of his words echoing in his head.

"We know I'll end up like that someday..." he muttered, without turning around. The resignation in his voice was a shock to both him and his friend.

But then, Lucas said something that forced him to stop, "What about (Y/N)?"

The name made his whole body freeze, (Y/N). He could see her in his mind, feel the warmth of her laughter, the twinkle in her eyes. She was the only light in the midst of his darkness, the only memory he dared to cherish in his loneliest moments. Inside him, where no one else could see him, was where he allowed her to exist, a longing he would never dare to confess.

"There is nothing with her." His voice was a harsh whisper, as if in saying it he was tearing out a piece of himself. He didn't even turn, just let it escape into the wind. "There can't be."

"I thought you were having something," Lucas confessed, stepping closer to stand in front of him, forcing him to look at him. "Maybe you can't see it, but anyone would notice. You don't have to say it, Jaehyun. It shows in your eyes every time you talk about her. You want something with her, anything. You're going to risk that by getting more into this shit?" Lucas waved his hand, almost unable to control himself. "We were doing relatively well selling those packages. At least we could pay for Winwin's treatment. But now... Weapons? What will they ask you to do next? Assaults? Robberies?" his voice deepened, and Jaehyun noticed the fear in his eyes. "Kills? Do you think (Y/N) would want to see you in that hell?"

Jaehyun closed his eyes and took a breath. Lucas' words drilled into him, burned inside him, but he couldn't accept them. He couldn't accept a possibility that he knew would end up hurting (Y/N).

Finally, he opened his eyes and looked at Lucas directly, with a forced coldness that tried to hide the storm inside him. "And what do you want me to do, Lucas? She doesn't deserve a life like mine. She needs to be away from all this...away from me. I could only drag her into this hole from which there is no way out." The words came out fast, almost angrily, but at the end his voice cracked. "I can't offer her anything, do you understand? Nothing worthwhile."

Lucas lowered his gaze, but his voice still reflected desperation to save him. "But you have something to offer, Jaehyun. Your life. A life that can still go somewhere, that can be something different." She looked at him pleadingly. "Don't make the trade. Don't get yourself into this anymore. You have a way out, even if you don't want to see it."

Jaehyun's decision was like a stone inside him, a sinking certainty, but it was the only thing that gave him stability at the moment. He averted his gaze to the city lights and quietly sealed his fate.

"I have to do it." The determination in his voice was unwavering. "It's already decided."

Lucas watched him silently, with a sadness so deep it was almost palpable. He knew, deep inside him, that he was losing another friend. The night closed in around them and under the stars, as the lights of the city shone in the distance, he knew that, in some sense, he had already lost his friend.

When (Y/N) got out of Jungwoo's car, the roars of the engines echoed in her ears, but despite the noise, her mind was somewhere else, anchored in a memory. The first time she set foot in Neo Zone, it had been a curiosity, an adventure she didn't fully understand. Now, that same place seemed just as intimidating, but different. This time she was not an outsider spectator. This time, she was there for him.

People's gazes were instantly fixed on her. Some with curiosity, others with disdain. The gleam in her eyes was not the same as those of the "normals" around her in her world. No, here the gazes were sharper, like knives, trying to strip her of her essence, her privilege. She felt out of place, and though in some corner of her mind she knew she would never be part of this world, at that moment all she cared about was finding him. Jaehyun.

The lights of the cars reflected the tense and charged atmosphere of the race track, where the local gangs came to show off their cars and gamble more than they should. She knew what she was up against, and if she had learned anything over the past few months, it was that, in that place, the rules were few, but fierce.

So she wasn't surprised when a familiar and unpleasant face emerged from the crowd. Chris, with that sly grin, who always seemed to have a second purpose behind every word.

"Well, look what we have here," he said, his voice laden with derision. "After Johnny's party, I didn't expect you to be one od Jaehyun's toys."

( Y/N) tried to keep her cool, her body rigid and her gaze steady. There was something about that guy that always made her feel small, as if his words were thorns thrown on purpose. But she had no time for games now. She wasn't here to confront Chris, only to find Jaehyun. "Let me through, Chris," she said, her voice cold, firm.

But he didn't let her go so easily. He stepped between her and the pass, and his hand brazenly strayed to her waist. A touch she didn't ask for, a brush she didn't want.

"Oh no, baby," he said, his tone low, like a challenge. "I think you owe me a debt for that punch you gave me, remember?"

( Y/N) she felt irritation bubbling inside her, but she wasn't going to lose her composure. Not here, not now. But she wasn't going to give in either. "Let go of me, or I swear I'll hit you again," she retorted, pushing lightly against his chest, hands firm. It wasn't what she wanted, but it was what she had to do. She wasn't going to let Chris touch her.

Chris laughed, but it wasn't a genuine laugh. It was mocking, calculating, as if he enjoyed the power he thought he had over her. "Can you imagine what Jaehyun will think when he sees me with one of his toys?" The malice in his voice left no room for doubt. He knew what he was doing, and he knew he had something he could use against her.

( Y/N) didn't answer right away. Her gaze wandered, searching through the crowd, and there, like a magnet, she found him. Jaehyun. He was far away, but she could feel the intensity of his gaze, the weight of his presence. And it wasn't just any glimpse, no. She knew she had seen him. His posture was rigid, his face annoyed, his eyes burning with a silent fire.

"Turn around to find out for yourself," Jaehyun said, his deep voice cutting through the air. It was not a suggestion. It was an order, firm, authoritative. At that moment, the threat was clear. "Let her go and get the fuck out of herr if you don't want that fucking smile wiped off your face. Remember, you're in my zone."

Chris hesitated for a second, then let go of (Y/N), as if Jaehyun's presence was a steel wall repelling him. Looking at Jaehyun as if he would challenge him, but knowing that this was not his territory. Jaehyun's area, yes, but not his.

Before walking away, however, he couldn't help but throw one last malice-laden glance towards (Y/N). "Call me when you get tired of him, gorgeous," he said venomously, not caring that his words were only empty provocation.

When Chris finally disappeared into the crowd, (Y/N) didn't hesitate for a second. He walked straight towards Jaehyun, until she was right behind him, the sound of his footsteps drowned out by the bustle of the arena. Feeling his presence so close gave her a strange sense of calm, but also aroused an uneasiness she didn't know how to handle.

Jaehyun turned slowly toward her. His expression was hard to read, but the frustration was evident. As always, he was trying to maintain control, but he couldn't hide the annoyance. In one swift movement, he grabbed her wrist, holding it firmly, forcing her to look him in the eye.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" he asked, anger tinged with palpable discomfort. His tone was low, dangerous. He wasn't saying it out loud for all to hear, but it was as if his words cut through the air between them.

( Y/N) felt a knot in her stomach. The worry, the confusion, the need to explain herself, but also the frustration of knowing that she had no right to be there, that this world was not hers. However, she could not lie. "I was looking for you," she said, without thinking, without fear of what that might mean.

"You weren't answering my calls. I wanted to know how you were..." she confessed, feeling Jaehyun pull her gently through the crowd to get her away from the people.

Finally, after pushing through the sea of people, they found themselves in a quieter corner. Jaehyun let go of her hand and turned to face her.

It was at that moment that he saw the pain reflected in her eyes. The girl, her gaze fixed on him, fiddled nervously with her fingers, as if trying to calm her anxiety.

"(Y/N), I'm fine. You didn't have to come and get into this," he told her in a low voice.

"You could have answered my calls," she demanded, her voice strained. "I didn't know how you were after what happened at my house almost a week ago."

Jaehyun looked her straight in the eye and slowly denied.

"That night I shouldn't have gone to your house."

What...?

"What are you talking about, Jaehyun?" she asked, almost in a whisper, surprised by those words.

Because deep down he knew he was right. That night he shouldn't have crossed that line, shouldn't have sought comfort from her, shouldn't have allowed the girl to sneak into his head and heart like that. He should not have allowed the closeness between them to make him vulnerable.

He shouldn't have thought he deserved something like that.

Because he didn't. He never would.

"Why is it that every time we seem to be moving forward, you decide to pull back?" she asked him, her voice breaking.

"Because there shouldn't be an us, (Y/N)," Jaehyun replied, serious, as if the words hurt him as much as they hurt her. "And you know it."

She tried to process what she had just heard, but her mind was still spinning, entwined with thoughts that wouldn't leave her alone. Coming here, meeting him...it had all been a whirlwind. Her cousin's words that morning still echoed in her mind.

That was not what she had expected to hear from Jaehyun.

"No, Jaehyun. I don't know," she said, frustrated, her eyes flashing with a mixture of confusion and anger. "All I know is that there's something inside me that binds me to you. I always end up looking for something in you, something I don't understand. And the least I understand is that you somehow get close and then walk away like it's nothing."

She moved closer to him and, with a trembling finger, pressed it against his chest, accusingly.

"If I walk away it's because you don't need this life, (Y/N)," he told her, with a painful tenderness in his voice. "I can't give you the life you want."

"I'm not asking you for anything extraordinary, Jaehyun," she replied, almost begging for him to understand. "I'm not asking you for more than what we already are."

Jaehyun looked at her, searching her eyes as if he wanted her to understand something beyond words. With the distance between them so short that their breaths were intertwined, he continued with a sigh.

"But look at me, (Y/N), look at us," he said softly. "I'll never be able to offer you the life you're used to. And I don't want you to get used to mine, because it's not something you deserve." Her voice deepened. "You don't know what it's like to live with necessities, without luxuries. It's not something I can ask you to change or sacrifice for me."

She bit her lower lip, trying to take in what she had just heard.

She was silent for a few seconds, biting her lower lip as her mind tried to process every word Jaehyun had just said. Her chest felt tight, as if his words were a weight on her, an uncomfortable truth that hurt, but one she knew she couldn't ignore.

Jaehyun closed his eyes.

"No, I don't," she finally admitted, looking down at the floor. "I don't know what it's like to live with those hardships..."

Silence fell between them again. The distant murmur of people seemed to grow farther and farther away, as if the world around them was fading away.

"(Y/N), you deserve better than this. Something more... something more stable. I can't be that something for you," Jaehyun said, his voice trembling for an instant.

She realized what he meant. She knew it wasn't just about the material. She knew that what Jaehyun was telling her went beyond external difficulties. He didn't want to be a risk to her, didn't want her life to be dragged down by the uncertainty, by the confusion he himself felt.

"And yet... I can't stop looking for you," she murmured, with a sad, almost defeated smile. "I don't understand what's wrong with me, Jaehyun. I don't understand why everything seems clearer when I'm around you, but then it blurs, it becomes all so confusing."

Jaehyun watched her, unable to find the right words. All he knew was that there was an undeniable connection between them, something even he couldn't explain. But, at the same time, he couldn't deny the fear he felt that this connection would drag them into something neither of them could control.

"I'm sorry," he finally said, his words sounding almost like an apology to himself. "I really am sorry."

She stared at him, as if she expected him to say something else, something that might make sense of everything she felt. But he didn't. Instead, the air between them was filled with a quiet awkwardness.

"So what do we do now?" she asked, voice cracking, but determined not to give up.

Jaehyun took a deep breath, staring ahead as if searching for some answer in the void. "I don't know. But I need you to understand that I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to end up trapped in my world..."

She denied slowly, not looking away. "So is that it, then, we're just going to keep taking a step forward and then step back? Is that what you want?"

"It's not that," Jaehyun replied, somewhat at a loss. "It's just that I can't offer you what you deserve."

"What about what I want?" she said, on an impulse that surprised her. "Because all I want...is to be with you."

Her words hit him hard. Jaehyun couldn't say he felt the same way, not in the same way. But he couldn't help but think that, maybe, if they both allowed themselves to take that leap... maybe things could be different.

"I'm telling you that I can't give you what you want," he repeated, now with a slight desperation in his tone. "And yet, I feel like I can't walk away from you."

She looked at him silently for a few seconds, trying to find some answer that wouldn't leave her more confused. Finally, she took a step back, letting the air between them grow colder.

"So... what do we do, Jaehyun?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper. "Because I don't know if I can keep waiting for something I don't know if it's coming."

Jaehyun looked at her, his heart pounding. He could see the pain in her eyes, and it broke him inside. But at the same time, he knew he couldn't drag her down with him, couldn't ask her to settle for something he couldn't offer.

"The only thing I can do now...is tell you the truth," he said, almost breathlessly. "I'm not going to drag you into my life without you knowing what you're getting into."

She stood still, staring at the floor, as if processing every word. An invisible weight seemed to fall on her shoulders, and though her thoughts were chaotic, a small part of her knew she had to make a decision.

"So, you decide for me?" she asked, raising her head, her eyes filled with a mixture of frustration and sadness.

Jaehyun said nothing. His silence was answer enough.

Finally, Jaehyun, his throat tightening, slowly pulled away, knowing that any further attempts to get closer would only cause more pain. "I'm sorry," he said one last time, almost as a whisper, and took a step back.

And (Y/N) watched him walk away, her heart heavy, knowing there was nothing more to do. She stood alone in that dark corner of Neo Zone, with the noise of the engines rumbling around her, like a distant echo of the emotional storm she had just experienced.

a/n: I hope you liked even though in took me weeeeeeks to post hahaha, love y'all! NOT PROOFREAD! I’ve been sitting down like 4 hours trying to come with the chapter so now I’ll go to sleep 😴.

taglist is open! if you want to be added just lemme know;)

taglist: @spicyryujin @daegalismybiasinnct @peachfulnight @gojoscumslut @bluedbliss @dear-97 @girlwholovespreppyattire @hana-off-icial @cigarettesafterjae @beomgyusonlywife @bts-iris @doejaejung @methneo @kriizztin @mrsuhnshine @pieddpiperr (idk why some of the tags just don’t work out!)

If you want to ask me something, feel free to send them!

[pjsk-hot-takes]

I don't think this is going to be a "hot take" per se but... Long time Vocaloid fan here (first song was "Last Night, Good Night" if that gives you an indication haha), but I genuinely enjoy pretty near all of Project Sekai! I enjoy how they've done the Vocaloids, how different they all are and how they embody different parts of vocaloid songs and the interpretations of the voice banks' personalities, and by extension, the fandom. While ProSekai can't cover ALL of the niches, I think they've got a decent variety. And while in another world I would love to have ALL vocaloids (or voice banks, whether by crypton or no) as characters, I understand why they just kept it to just Miku and co. I enjoy the characters made for ProSekai, whether main or side. I enjoy seeing how they have grown, how they will grow, and how they interact with not just their own groups, but with the world around them. I also enjoy the side characters, and how they also have their own struggles, and how, whether they be a good or bad person moral-wise, they add a lot of flavour and background to the main characters stories and struggles. I enjoy our main characters personalities. Yes, all of them, even if I wasn't as big of a fan at first of some, I've come to grow to like all of them. I also have found myself relating to all of them in some way or another. Whether it be Nene and her desire to do better despite her stage fright in the beginning and pushing through and learning from the critique of what she considers to be her strongest quality, or Ena and her struggle with her art, or Minori trying her absolute best and proving to not just others, but herself, that she can achieve her dreams and she can, indeed, be an idol that spreads hope (just for a couple of examples). Plus their singing! Sure, not every song may be a banger, but I enjoy listening to both the vocaloid and sekai versions of songs. I can't wait to see where the story takes them, especially since a lot of things have gone down as of late. Both in JP and ENG. I enjoy the gameplay and the art! First time playing a rhythm game that does piano-style, but I've been enjoying getting better at the game and playing with others. And the art has been lovely and I like seeing the themes and motifs that have been integrated into not just each set, but each character's card. Whether you choose to just enjoy it on a surface level of just being pretty, or if you choose to look further in to try to glean more, I find that it's a pleasant experience regardless. I know there's a lot of stuff going on in the fandom, and obviously not everything is perfect. Some events, cards, songs, and other media have been, well, cause of controversy, and I can completely understand why. There's also other things that can be improved, and as always, there are many different opinions as to how things can improve/be fixed. But I also think they have tackled some issues very well, and hopefully they can continue to try to do so. To conclude, I'm having a great time watching others create and enjoy the world that Colopale (and by extension Sega) have created. Hope you all have a great day, and thank you for making this blog! It's been interesting to see the many takes here, whether I agree with them or no.

.

[lemotmo]

Sounds like she got lots of asks complaining about this. She removed one post I sent you earlier for what she called an 'error' on her part, but responded to one of the other complaints. As I said they're so close but still so far 😂😂😂

Q. The show did us so dirty on the Tommy and Buck relationship front. I have spent the days following Thursday's episode rewatching their storyline and they actually had very few scenes that were just for and about them. Eddie was way too involved and it allowed their relationship to be overshadowed by his presence. They only had a handful of scenes that didn't directly involve Eddie and that's just dreadfully bad storytelling. Their entire relationship happened off screen. I appreciate Tim making a point of having Eddie outright state that he is straight and I appreciate both Oliver and Ryan shutting down the nonsense as well but the way Eddie was shoehorned into that relationship for no apparent reason is laughable.

A. So heads up people. I answered one of these earlier but I included something that I couldn't find definitive proof of so if you saw that reply no you didn't, lol. The good news is I have lots of complaints about this so it wasn't difficult to find another one to reply too.

Now, anon, you know what's really crazy about the Buck/Tommy/Eddie thing? That absolutely no one tried to point out the giant Eddie shaped thread that existed throughout that entire relationship. It's crazy how not a single person caught how much Eddie was present in that relationship. Weird, huh? Now I'm going to blow your mind even more. They didn't even have a handful of scenes that were just for or about them. Yes, they had a handful of scenes that didn't directly include Eddie, but he was still a factor in each of those scenes. Eddie was not present for their first kiss, but he was the topic of conversation leading up to the kiss. Eddie wasn't in the room when they had their second kiss, but he was there, and the show made a point of showing his reaction to the kiss. Eddie wasn't present for the night at the loft following Buck's shoulder injury, but he was the one who was actually with Buck at the hospital, and he was the one Tommy called to come treat Buck the following morning. Eddie wasn't present for the anniversary dinner, but he was mentioned in the scene when Tommy tells Buck he can take Eddie to the Lakers game 'and die', in what I still think was foreshadowing dialogue. Eddie wasn't present for the breakup, but he's who Buck went to following the breakup. Tommy told Buck he was his first, not his last. The last shot of that episode was of Buck and Eddie. Eddie was physically present in the scene where they met. Eddie was physically present at the basketball game. Eddie was physically present at the bachelor party. Eddie was physically present at the medal ceremony. Eddie was physically present at the virtual bday party for Chris. Eddie was physically present at the hospital following Buck's injury. Eddie was physically present the morning after in the loft. Over the course of their entire relationship Buck and Tommy had ONE scene that did not directly or indirectly involve Eddie in some capacity, and that was the dinner date during the season 7 finale. But even then Buck had spent the entire episode prior to the date, with Eddie. Yes, the point of the relationship was for Buck to discover his bisexuality, but the subtext of the relationship was Eddie. Eddie was everywhere, and that was not accidental. He was purposely written into the narrative. And many, many people tried to point that out to you all. The show didn't play you or lie to you. Lou did and you all did. You played yourselves and then you paid him to lie to you as well.

The show has never had Bobby, Athena, Maddie or Chimney directly state their heterosexuality. That's not something television shows do. Being heterosexual is the assumption. When a television show has a character state it outright it's usually an indication that they won't end up being heterosexual. Actors lie all the time in interviews. It's deliberate. Their job is to make you want to watch the episodes. Not tell you directly what will happen in the episodes. Do we know for sure? No, you're correct about that. But everything the show has done so far has been very loud and not very subtle. And I'm sorry, anon, but usually a character stating their straightness is the beginning of a sexuality arc. That's kind of starting a sexuality arc 101.

Thanks Nonny! Much appreciated!

I agree with all of this. Nothing to add. Ali has slain again, as per usual. 😂

IMPORTANT! Please don't repost this ask and/or a link that leads straight to my Tumblr account on Twitter or any other social media. Thank you!

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[bharv]

Personally? I’ve consumed all the wider media for draggy age (yay autism) and I still think at a line-level and general how people react level, some of the writing isn’t it.

There’s a lot of mixed feelings and always has been about the franchise having a lot of lore across different mediums and I think it’s fair to criticise it, a whole boss only meaning something if you played DLC from a prior game was a huge point of contention for example.

But also even though some things have changed over the decades in game and it is only fair that they do (all societies change over decades) there’s still some things that wouldn’t change that quickly across WHOLE societies. I think it’s one of my biggest gripes. Thedas is not a global society, it is still a highly religious society, and the control of information for political reasons would still be more controlled than we see. And on a sillier level, I don’t care how developed we are, if a woman turns from a bird into a person, I’m gonna be surprised about that! Apostasy is still a thing in a good few of the cultures and shape-shifting is not a common area of magic use.

Also more to the point. A lot of the dialogue level exposition has been designed to be a particular way. It’s not “bad” in an indication of incompetence. It’s unsatisfying because it’s designed to be a certain level for more casual and new players who might not be so interested in the depth. It’s intentional, and it doesn’t serve the franchise as far as artistic quality. It serves the franchise to broaden it as much as possible to try and bring in more money.

Again. Personal opinion! With a little professional background informing it!

[mortiflyer]

Let me arcanepost for a little about cait's character trajectory because I think it's interesting what the show is doing with her...u can scroll if you follow me about tennis LOL

In season one, she was a majorly idealistic cop who genuinely believed she could be "the one" to change the system from the inside. This is a misguided but common perspective that's seen a lot online and irl from people who don't know how systemic oppression works, but it's good as a character beat because she's...wrong. She has to change, and we have to trust that she will for narrative purposes. It just appears that some of the audience didn't know whether she would swing fully to the radical side or to the dictator-cop side, and assumed she would do the former instead of the latter.

A lot of people seemed to like her more in the beginning of the first season because she was "nicer", but she also had less layers because the writers were still building the blocks of her character. Later in the season, after meeting vi and seeing how the enforcers treat the zaunites, she begins to understand the depths of their troubles, but still doesn't reach total comprehension because of her station and job. This is still good!! for character development!! Because knowing that shit gets bad is still different from knowing how bad it is

Then, transitioning from s1 to s2, her mom dies as the result of revolutionary violence. But cait's (justified!) grief leads her completely down the dark path that allows her to be corrupted by ambessa, proving, just like irl, that one person is not the solution. You don't change the system, it changes you. Cait isn't evil for being blinded by grief, but she lets that blindness validate her worst actions, which definitely are evil. It's understandable to not want to see your faves "change for the worse", but it's also important to think about if that change actually occurred or if it was just a step away from what they were in the first place.

Piltover, much like modern-day America, is a wealthy nation sheltered from its own poor inhabitants by an aggressively militarized police force. Cait becoming the head of that is indicative not of the idea that she is irredeemable as a character within the confines of this story, but that we cannot be active participants of the system running the machine and still support the freedom of the downtrodden lower class.

...Or something

[angstywaifu]

heyyyyy......can you do a one where the reader dies and how do you think the fourthwing men will be during and after it....

This was not what I expected when I said I wanted more of these. I love and hate this at the same time….. My poor boys. I tried to do Dain, Sawyer and Ridoc…. I just could not think of anything. If I do think of something I definitely will come back and edit this.

Garrick.

I think this will extend to a lot of our boys (especially our marked boys), but anyone he considers a friend is someone he considers to be close to him. But I do think we will get some deviation between someone who is a friend, and someone he is romantically involved with.

Regardless this man will be upset, but I don’t think he would outwardly show that. He likes to keep up appearances, so I think he would keep most of his grieving and sadness behind closed doors or around the ones he cares about. Like Xaden he is a leader, and he wants to keep that appearance up and not look weak. I do however think if you were romantically involved with him, there would be a higher chance of him breaking down or lashing out when initially finding out. This would probably come down to how he finds out though. If he watched it happen during a fight/battle, this man is definitely lashing out at whoever caused it, making sure they meet their end by his hands if possible. I don’t see him out right tunnel visioning them, but it would be pretty close. If he finds out after it has happened, he would go silent, internally trying to process what’s happened before walking off. The only indication he’s hurting would be him slamming a door open/shut as he walks away.

Afterwards I think he would take some time to come good again. He’d probably keep up the appearance he’s fine and doing ok where he can, but he’s definitely more moody and grumpy than normal. But I think when he’s on his own in bed at night is when he would let out his emotions properly. He’d probably visit your grave or a place you liked to go to and just sit and remember the times you did have together.

Xaden.

I feel like we can all imagine what this man is going to be like based off how he talks to Violet and what he is willing to do for her. So lets base this off as if you were Violet. Unlike Garrick I think this man would tunnel vision if he saw you die in a fight/battle. He is seeing red till that person is six feet under. This man is willing to sacrifice and do anything for you.

If he isn’t there when it happens, you better hope you’re not the one to tell him. Shadows would swarm from everywhere as he glares down at them, demanding they tell him everything and to take him to you immediately.

Afterwards this man would be moody and lash out if someone even looked at him the wrong way. He wont admit it to anyone, but he always carries something of yours with him after.

Bodhi.

He would definitely be shocked. Tears forming in his eyes, shaking his head in denial. He can’t believe you’re dead. You can’t be. If he was there he’d cradle you in his arms, hoping you’d open your eyes and it would all be a bad dream. But the weight of you in his arms is all too real.

Afterwards he would be very quiet. He wouldn’t be moody like Garrick or Xaden. Not even trying to hide how broken he is after. He’d definitely visit your grave or a place you liked frequently. And if he couldn’t, he’d always make sure to take something of yours with him as a reminder. A necklace, a book you liked, maybe even a drawing you did. He just needs something of you nearby for those moments where he just wants to sit on his own and remember you.

Liam.

He’d rush over to you, the word no falling from his lips repeatedly as he sees you lying there. Just like Bodhi he can’t believe you’re dead. He just kneels there holding you, running his thumb across your cheek as he cradles your head. Silent tears falling down his face. The others try to talk to him, get him to move. But he doesn’t register any of them. Not till Xaden kneels next to him, finally braking him from the trance he’s in.

Afterward he does his best to be his normal self. But the spark that’s usually in his eyes is long gone. His smile not as bright as it used to be.

He’d definitely make a wood carving that represents you. Your dragon if you were a rider, or a flower or animal that reminds him of you if you weren’t. He’d sit it on his bedside table where he can see it every morning and night. One day Xaden comes to see him and sees it, a smile pulling at his lips when he notices it.

Brennan.

I could see him instinctively going to heal/mend you, a knee jerk reaction to seeing you hurt. But a voice in the back of his head reminding him of Naolin stops him just before he can place his hands on you.

On the outside, he appears fined his features giving nothing away. Internally though he’s a mess. He isn’t a stranger to loss and death, but something about it being you is eating him up inside.

Due to his position, no one knew how close you two really were. So to the others he looks fine. Nothing has changed. His mood might seem a little off here and there. But nothing that could alarm anyone to the emotions running rampant in his head.

Late at night he would sneak out to your grave. Just sitting there as he either reads, writes or even just to talk. Something he thinks goes unnoticed, but a few times Mira or Violet have seen him sneak off.

[mae-i-scribble]

So I'm not really that into Arcane fandom or anything like that but is anyone else a little worried for how season 2 is progressing thus far? I'm not talking about the apparent Caitlyn vitriol that some people are falling into- god forbid you have complex characters am I right. But watching the first act of season 2 it's all so terribly rushed and not in the same way season 1 had fast pacing but with tight writing to make up for it.

Spoilers for the first 3 episodes ahead but the fact that we barely even get to know the new enforcer characters that come to Zaun annoys me. The most we have is the girl introducing herself to Vi. The other two aren't even named in the show let alone have any sort of personality. For the big shield guy why is he even allowed to be an enforcer???? Sir you were seemingly living on the streets drinking away your problems last I checked with no indication you were or wanted to be an enforcer. The kid that follows Jinx around doesn't even have any sort of lines until episode 3- which would be fine if it was clearly a deliberate choice for her character but considering that the show is trying to juggle so much it just feels like she fell to the wayside.

I'm also very much not a fan of how the 2nd season is structuring its storylines thus far- certain scenes loose their tension because they're so intercut with other scenes happening simultaneously- take the vi and jinx fight for example. Like I get it you wanted to show how them interacting with the run was actively interfering with the fight but the constant cuts back and forth leave a bad taste in my mouth. The structure they use for the various sections with music overplaying them are hit or miss to me- some I love, some I think should have been actual scenes with dialogue.

I'm also really sad to see them seemingly rush over bits of character development we really need to see. Like take Vi- her not wanting to be an enforcer is 200% justifiable and believable, we haven't been shown anything about how the enforcers work that would give Vi a reason to want to join. And then after the attack in episode 1 she silently comes to a decision to join which fine, I can buy her wanting to help now that Zaun is conducting terrorist attacks. But she just agreed to the plan to use the gray against the people of Zaun???? Really???? Vi did??? Shouldn't Vi, someone who is only joining the enforcers out of desperate necessity, be way more critical of any use of force in the undercity? There's even little things like when Caitlyn arrests the henchman I was expecting Vi to stand up for him because almost *everyone* in the undercity is some sort of criminal so that they can survive. But no it just turns into Vi asking them to ditch the side characters we know absolutely nothing about.

Speaking of Vi- for the record the cait/vi kiss in my opinion was stupidly forced in. I would have liked to see their relationship develop this season because in season 1 I could see the beginning of something there. I really loved the moment in the first episode where it's only when seeing Vi that Caitlyn breaks down a little because Vi is someone she can trust to be open with. Great stuff to further develop- oh no they're kissing after no development just to make the immediately following break up more dramatic? Great yay yippee representation -_- Don't get me wrong I would have loved to see it develop into a romance but not in episode 3 with no buildup (1st season does not count as buildup to me for an actual romantic relationship).

This is also somewhat petty but I do hate the fact that Ambessa is revealed to be behind the memorial attack in episode 3- I much would have preferred for that information to be revealed to the audience alongside whatever character discovers it. Revealing it like that is dramatic, sure, but I feel like it ruins the mystery of Ambessa's morality in a way that is not satisfying.

All in all I'm not the happiest with these first 3 episodes but we'll have to see how the other 2 arcs go before making any judgement calls overall.

[zundely]

Okay so, I've seen one bad Harding take too many and I need to VENT. Some thoughts and spoilers for dwarves and Lace Harding ahead.

Some people made claims that it "makes no sense" that Harding is the character to get the stone-sense powers since she has never given any indication of having any intrest in the Stone or dwarven traditions and... it just bothers me at this point. Like ok I understand some people would rather have Valta or Dagna in her place amd you know what, fair, understandable but let's not ignore that Harding's plot in game doesn't mention and deal with the specific situation Harding is in. Like her being a surface dwarf and raised Andrastian isn't a bug, it's a part of the whole story.

Lace can be the only dwarven person in the room when they learn the true story about the Titans, and when she tries to reach out to other dwarves about her powers, makes and effort to connect to her cultural roots she gets harshly rejected. Because she is not good enough- the Stone literally manifested through her but she is not good enough because she is a surfacer. And it hurts her. It angers her but she pushes it down and moves forward because Harding deal with her anger by not dealing with it. There are also few banters about her being raised Andrastian and how that affects her current beliefs. And I am glad it is there. I am glad they didn't have her just switch to believing in Stone all the way. Because religion and beliefs can be messy that way and it can be hard to let go off.

And to have all that be there im text and still see people say it's not logical for her to be interested in culture she comes from after the STONE STARTED TALKING TO HER- it's a bit annoying to be quite frank. First of all, it would be fine if she took intrest in the dwarves just because of all the things she learn about the Titans and their history. I don't know, I feel like trying to learn more about your cultural roots when you grow up is a fairy common and natural thing. And implying that because she was born outside of it she is somehow less worthy of a connection to it is... it's exactly the shitty thing Orzammar is doing.

I personally find Harding's story of finding connection to dwarven culture and exploring what does it mean for her, and it not undercutting her ties to Ferelden is nice, not perfect in execution but still considering the Bioware's usual approach of "loosing your cultural ties isn't a bad thing actually and people who care about it are loosers" it's at least not that.

I will just end it by saying I also think if it was Varric getting the Stone powers and he would whine the whole time about how it sucks and it's creepy and he doesn't like Deep Roads people wouldn't bat an eye sooooo.... yeah.

[qoldenskies]

You’ve mentioned it a few times but I’m actually really curious as to April’s reaction toward them shit-talking Donnie? Particularly the first time, but in general, too, because the only thing resembling that is her pressing the boys about Donnie not acting off unless something is wrong. We (obviously) only really see the curse from Donnie’s perspective, very occasionally one of the boys mention their perspective, but nothing from the outsiders! Splinter makes me curious too, but he only had his accidental gaslighting scene, so 🫠

the only indication that it was happening was that first phone call where she mentioned mikey saying some nasty things to her through text, and she was generally being very forgiving about it. "he was just venting" was probably something she attributed to MOST of their weird behavior about donnie, but i still think they held back around her at least a LITTLE because if it got too bad she would call it out. april wouldn't want to thought-police, and sometimes their complaints were more funny than they were harmful (oooh how she must regret laughing with them now, like donnie's undeniably who she's closest with out of the four but she doesn't take his shit so i could see her finding it funny and harmless... little does she know), but once they crossed a certain point she'd tell them they were just being vindictive and shitty. there's no way they haven't gone to her complaining about each other in the past, its inevitable that you're gonna have grievances when you live with someone and april's really the closest friend they've got, although she's not always up for putting up with it PFFT. i could also see her thinking they want advice, or giving solutions to their "problems" (because i think she'd find venting for the sake of it a little aggravating? very solution oriented person imo), and they straight up just lied to her and said they'd listen and then did nothing lmao.

really they all lead april and splinter on just like they did donnie, with all of their worst moves they planned around it and intentionally threw them off the trail. honestly when it came to things like that first phone call and the one on the rooftop, i could also see it as an intentional play to get april IN on it, although it didn't really. work lmfao, she could tell something was off, even if she didn't have reason to suspect the depth of it. i dont have reason to write from their POVs but they are both going through some shiiiit, they really got CONNED and they both feel so ashamed about it. they're doing what they can to rectify it now, but its causing a lot of self-doubt. i could see both of them being almost over-attentive after this is said and done. they both certainly feel like they were way too negligent.

[zeropro]

What are your thoughts on transformers prime and transformers one?

TL:DR I liked both! TFP was my first Transformers show that I watched all the way through and TF1 was a lot of fun! Opinions on Starscream under the break pfpfpfpfpfpf

Prime was literally my first Transformers experience (Okay that's not true, I did see the first Bay movie when it came out but lets not talk about that). It's really good! My favorite character was Ratchet, I loved that he's just a tired, grumpy, racist old man and he's a doctor. Knock Out was the best thing to come out of TFP and he really should be in more stuff. Really would have loved a fourth season but it wouldn't have been the same without the children around. I liked what we got!

Prime has an excellent Starscream, Steve Blume does an amazing performance with both his deep conniving gravel and his high pitched terrified sputtering. So much character in his animation too, especially in later seasons, and an incredibly compelling character arc. Prime Starscream is not a good person, but I would burn the world for him, and I like the small moments in the show that hint at something in his character that could be turned to good, but circumstance always works against him in that regard. He's just so pathetic, but also competent and dangerous, all the best qualities of a Starscream and a very unique design!

Transformers One was quite good, I was worried because of the trailers but I was surprised by how well executed it all was. None of the characters were annoying, and making Optimus Prime originally one of the oppressed class alongside Megatron was a good move. The scene where Orion gives Dee the sticker is so cute, I simply cannot. The ending felt a bit rushed but what can you do, it wasnt so bad that it's a problem for me.

I would have loved just a little more Starscream in the movie! Like, I knew he wasn't really gonna be in the movie much so i was prepared for it to be little more than a glorified cameo, but I loved a lot of what we did get and I feel like it was missing just a little bit more! Like, the whole High Guard turned rogue backstory he has is great, implies some honor to his character since he didnt keep serving Sentinal when the guy turned Cybertron over to the Quintissance. I think it's hilarious that Starscream is so much older than Megatron. Like, they gave us a lot of food to make headcanons out of, but then the rushed ending kind of left me with no real reason given for him and the rest of the High Guard to go with Megatron without a fight. Like, I think the reason given was that, because Megatron beat him up that one time, and then killed Sentinal, and since the High Guard became a might makes right society and hates Sentinal, I guess thats why they are loyal to him now. And I guess the one line where Starscream is like "all hail megatron" is supposed to indicate he's 100% behind Megatron now and not just a spur of the moment thing. And I guess them following his command to destroy the city is why theyre being banished. But like...idk, every other plot point was well established and properly played out, and the whole decepticons thing just didnt really feel like enough, and i kind of feel like it should have been more clearly communicated considering its an entire one side of a two sided war? I feel like we werent shown the high guard doing anything egregiously bad besides attacking people because megatron told them to.

Like, there's nothing in the movie to suggest that Starscream and the High Guard arent still loyal to the Primes. So when Orion comes back as a prime, like a proper prime, with the matrix and everything, which everyone knows will make the energon flow again, I'm surprised Starscream didnt at least try to make excuses or worm his way into avoiding banishment? My headcanon is he wanted to kill Sentinal as bad as Megatron and so when Megatron finally does what he failed to do for 50 cycles, he's like aite im ride or die for this guy. Maybe 50 cycles of living in the wilderness doing nothing but scout and pit fight all day changes a guy and they dont wanna live in a society anymore. Why dont they accept Optimus as the new prime? They helped him and Elita save their friends, and unlike Sentinal Optimus has the actual Matrix this time. Idk mang. Woulda liked a bit more.

Transformers One, not my favorite design for Starscream. The head vents going wide at the bottom look weird to me, and his legs are so long and flat.

Thems my opinions!

[pet-genius]

You wrote: "it makes sense that how Snape is written draws from these tropes. This means that whether or not it was her intention, she's leaning on tropes that have historically racist and anti-semitic undertones, because given the history of British racism, it's a fairly accepted conclusion that the idea of the dark foreigner who poses a threat to Christian innocence does potentially include Jews." Doubtlessly she leans on tropes. But in Snape's case, she leans on the tropes to subvert them. These tropes could, but don't necessarily, indicate Jews, but since in HP they are subverted, we don't have to put our brain power toward figuring out whom the tropes could mean. They mean: haha you were tricked, you thought this guy was bad but he's actually good. This sallow, big-nosed guy, sadly, isn't Jewish. There is no reason to make him Jewish and then also not make it plain.

And look, there are things about him that align with Jewish culture and the Jewish experience, like living a double life both as a magical child in a muggle environment (who got his magic from his mother lol), and as an adult spy on the Death Eaters, or his choice to stuff his house with books instead of getting a new couch, his general ostracism idk. Like, I don't agree with Jewish-Snape readings, but you could make them. But it doesn't make Snape canonically Jewish, and it doesn't make hating him antisemitic. It feels more like telling people "you can't think X because it makes you a bad person" than engaging with X and explaining why it's wrong, and I think that at least in the Snape/Marauders area, this is one of the most straightforward dynamics in the series. Bullying, sexual assault and attempted murder are all wrong regardless of who the victim is, even if it had been James Perlman and Sirius Bloch against Severus fucking Windsor. If the idea is to step up for Jews and for bullying victims, imho it fails on both counts. But what do I know. My nose is average.

I've said it once i'll say it again

Making fun of Severus for his skin color, nose, hair, eyes, childhood trauma and defending the marauders for everything they did is not "haha relatable quirky funny"

It's anti-semetic and promotes bullying! You pieces of shit❤

(ALSO. Him calling lily a mudblood was him being defensive after literally being s3xually harassed and ALSO he gets a pass to say that word because HE'S A HALFBLOOD. Give that HUMAN BEING a goddamn break.)

[uncanny-tranny]

I recently had to do a project in one of my psych classes, and man, I knew that CBT was used for every little thing, but seeing over and over, "do CBT! CBT is the best for every mental illness!" was so jarring. I'm absolutely biased because of my own experiences, but I just don't think it's as universal a treatment model as it's touted.

If you didn't benefit from CBT, it's not because you're lazy or didn't try hard enough or lacked intelligence or foresight into your own needs. Frankly, it's a therapy model that (I think) shouldn't be the only readily-accessible model and among the only therapy models covered by insurance. Some of us should not be treated in a CBT model and that's okay. It's not a sign of poor character or unreasonable demands, and if you don't think it's a model that works for you, then it's your right to express that!

[assmaster-8000]

why don't clothes fit me the way they do on a skinny cis guy (<- isn't a skinny cis guy)

[north-wilkesboro-moonshine-cave]

I Am Once Again Begging Y'all To Be Fucking Normal About People From Other Countries

[pepper-steam-milkshake]

i think what people tend to forget (seeing all these posts on my feed atm) is at the end of the day, YOU curate your own fandom experience. there is ALWAYS going to be someone who makes content you dont like. there is a very good chance that someone whose content you do like will make content you dont like for one reason or another.

things to keep in mind?

the content someone creates is not indicative of their nature. for fuck’s sake how many times have you seen someone who looks and acts absolutely sweet and then makes the most fucked up cursed shit youve ever seen— and vice versa. the content they make is not their personality. jfc, if someone writes a story about fairies, are you gonna go, “oh, they’re secretly a fairy”? NO. so it would be appropriate to apply that to other content that you as an individual may find inappropriate

if you see something you dont like, instead of taking the time and energy to give hate to it, just walk away and leave it alone. why do you want to continue engaging with it. is fueling those few minutes of anger truly worth being an asshole? PEOPLE make content. thats right— people with feelings, emotions, experiences, memories, and lives of their own. someone took the time to write something, and then to not only write that thing but then share it with the world in spite of whatever lingering feelings they may have to it. if youre gonna shit talk, do it in private. dont do it right where the artist can see.

with today’s day and age, it is nigh impossible to avoid minors, and the same goes for adults. everyone finds their way into a space somehow. we’re all enjoying the content, and we’re all enjoying it in different ways for different reason. occasionally it’ll match up, but you cannot expect someone to share your opinions and your own view of morality. if you think murder is bad and you hate that someone keeps making the characters in your show kill people, the solution isn’t to say “youre a bad person and you shouldnt be okay with murder”. thats not the statement theyre making. also just leave them alone???

if you dont like the content and want to see something different, instead of suggesting that they make it differently, make it yourself. “i cant draw”— PRACTICE. drawing is a pain in the ass for me. im not great at it but i still practice because i want to make the content i want to see. “i cant write”—PRACTICE. experiment and try new things. “but its going to be bad”— MAKE IT BAD. everyone starts somewhere, and the only way to make your version of better is to improve on your version of bad.

just some thoughts