#(and i do not think that is an indication that they are a Bad Person but that they are not in a good way and i can't be part of that)
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misseverandever · 24 hours ago
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I CAN READ THIS, AND I WILL! LET’S GOOOOOOO!
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omg was not on my 2024 bingo that I’m actually gonna read Melinda’s set for Anya
FRIST CARD: FOUR OF CUPS (the past)
that’s symbolizes Anya past implicating on her present, the cart indicates a need to experiences something new that brings joy and fills this empty space, something we see in our little girl eyes and i’m happy to see she’s doing good cuz in the past she certainly was a person that spends their days with their head down.
SECOND CARD: DEATH (the present)
The upright Death tarot card symbolizes transformation and the beginning of something new. It represents closing a chapter, leaving past experiences behind, we can think about Anya maturing and liberating from the trauma! Well in relationship (anya question) suggests the relationship may be stuck in a stagnant or unproductive dynamic, what we definitely can see, she tell his mother that he bullies her
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THIRD CARD: THREE OF SWORDS (hidden influences)
The unseen problem huh? There’s a lot of them, well Donovan, Twilight, Operation Stixs… etc etc….
Whenever this card appears in a reading, it indicates conflict, disappointment, and misunderstanding (Well that’s definitely is the case), maybe Damian is definitely gonna be sad about why her approach to him, we know this is real cuz Damian already say before about people approaching him just because he is a Desmond and we know Anya have the same goal, but no worries is gonna be difficult but it can be resolved (they need to talk about this) !!!!
FORTH CARD: THE STAR (ANYA)
The Star in the upright position symbolizes hope, inspiration, and peace for the future. BUT is in the reversed position, so Anya reflects the feelings of hopelessness, confusion, and doubt as her navigate life's challenges and question circumstances. We see Melinda like that, and surprisingly Anya feel empty for her!
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(So cute Anya being the star)
FIFTY CARD: TEN OF PENTACLES (the influence of others)
What kinds of external influences are dominating the situation? Well all of them! This card is important because it influences how others close to the Querent feel about the situation. AND GUESS ITS ALL RIGHT! This is a very positive card, and its positivity indicates that the path of challenges and difficulties has already been traveled, and now is the time to reap what is deserved. INNN THE RELATION WAAAAY (remember Anyas question not just because you know… i’m a shipper) is gonna be an harmony between them, whit a lot of happiness, cuties!
SIXTH CARD: ACE OF CUPS (what Anya have to do)
We see he is receiving, It’s often represents sadness, loss, and frustration, signaling difficulty in connecting. We know Damian is a difficult person, Anya have to deal with his feelings, is an important thing to do cuz if she don’t, they will not be together.
SEVENTH CARD: THREE OF WANDS (final results)
This last card is important because it takes into account all the six previous cards in its response. Here, we have an indicator of what the final resolution to the problem will be.
In this spread, the energy here is one of movement, so Anya cannot (and will not) stay still and she cannot try to handle everything alone.
The card indicates complicity, true love, and a strong connection. Sooo don't worry, as the frendship is real, and they will overcome it together.
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SHE KNOWS!
SORRY MY ENGLISH IS KINDA BAD SO CAN YOU GUYS PLEASE FORGIVE ANY ERRORS IN THE TEXT? I was so exited to reed this, if you need tarot read dm me 🫶
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covid-safer-hotties · 2 days ago
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I want to ask you this in good faith-- at what point do you think we can "stop worrying" about covid? Is there a particular statistical benchmark or qualitative indicator that you believe will show the covid pandemic is over?
I'm curious because you've responded to multiple people pointing out that the death toll & long covid metrics are lower than ever essentially saying that isn't enough to stop caring. So in your view, what is?
The benchmarks professionals have listed throughout the pandemic have yet to be met. If we could hit a single one, that would sure be nice. I'd stop worrying about covid if we could hit about 20,000 infections a week during a seasonal peak with reasonalble vaccine uptake (~70٪ or higher) of a vaccine that provides both mucosal and sterilizing immunity at reasonable levels. We're averaging around 20,000 infections a day in the 3-4 valleys we get a year right now, and that's without widespread wastewater testing from coast to coast and extremely low lab testing, so we know that those cases are an undercount. Not even 18% of Americans got the latest booster this fall, and the current vaccines neither induce mucosal immunity nor provide decent levels of sterilizing immunity (vaccinated people can act as unwitting asymptotic carriers of the virus) and (especially mRNA) vaccine efficacy drops rapidly after an antibody titre peak at around 2 months post vaccination. Current expert estimates for xmas day show us hitting more than 1,000,000 infections a day. A million infections a day would only take the national level into the CDC's new "medium" category. It's higher than both the Alpha and Beta waves. Of they were pandemic, so is this one. To act otherwise is to bury one's head in the sand and go "LA LA LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU" and that is our current public health response. Even if covid's death rate remains ~1%, that's 1% of a minimum ~20,000 a day even when we're not in a peak. One in five of each of those cases will develop lingering viral disease that mirrors HIV in its viral persistence and immune damage. If any of these things I mentioned can be reasonalbly addressed and substantially lessened, and these waves stop happening globally every 2 to 4 months, we'll stop being in a pandemic. If the government stops stifling data collection and acting like public health is a personal choice, I'll relax just a bit, because then I could actually do a risk assessment and trust that my community has mitigations in place like air filtration, masked staff, daily tests for staff, etc.
The death toll isn't the only metric to look at, and those deaths shouldn't be dismissed just because we're no longer stuffing corpses into reefer trailers. Each infection is a threat to someone's life and health in the long term, and we're refusing to look at that reality and adapt. Ignorance and bluster are not a public health response, and y'all should be pissed that's what the government is doing, not going out for mimosas even though "I've had a 'really bad cold for 5 days'."
The effects are cumulative and ever growing. To act like those effects just dissappear or don't matter is eugenics.
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harmoonix · 2 hours ago
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Christmas Observations
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🎄 One thing I observed at Aries placements is that they don't like it when the people around them are slow. They like everything to be fast and easy
🎄 Moon in earth signs gives me the vibes of a person nurturing everyone around them. That person who takes care of you when you are at your lowest
🎄 Capricorn houses may also indicate an area in your life where you need to finish something.
1st house - finishing topics about finding yourself
8th house - finishing topics on finding your inner power and rebirth after a painful situation
2nd house - finish financial debt. Never ask for money from others be independent
12th house - ending a karmic cycle that involves healing/subconscious trauma
6th house - focus on yourself, finish being critical about your needs
7th house - finish a karmic relationship/healing after a painful breakup
🎄 Capricorn/Aries/Scorpio and Sagittarius Sun/Rising/Venus are giving untamed energy. Is it not easy to make them follow you or to change them
🎄 Leo, Libra and Pisces placements can give you beautiful face features, eyes, lips, even hair, nose, etc
🎄 The Chiron sign in your parents birth chart can indicate what pain or wounds they have in this life and how it can manifest
🎄 If you have Pluto aspecting Mercury, sometimes you can regret the words you say to others because they tend to be quite painful/straightforward with their words
🎄 Cancer and Scorpio in the 7th house are big indicators that you want your partner to take care of you/to be nurtured, and to be understood emotionally
🎄 Leo/Sun in your 7th house can indicate you desire to be seen by your partner. People can overshadow you and you sometimes may not get the attention you need
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🎄 Chrion x Venus aspects can often indicate the person who is hurt romantically/hurt in a relationship/love. Also someone who has a hard time to understand love
🎄 12th & 6th house placements can put so much pressure on your mental health, especially if Pluto/Neptune or Saturn are involved
🎄People who have stellium in the 8th house often experience deja-vu moments, can also be triggers from the past or from bad people
🎄 If you have a high aspected Neptune in your chart, people can suck the energy out of you. People can feed with your energy, and you can become drained
🎄 9th house placements are very wise when considering decisions in their life. They will think 100% with their brain instead of heart. They can also be guided by older people
🎄 Capricorn Placements Sun/Moon/Rising like to be independent from a young age. They don't really like to rely on others and prefer to do it themselves alone.
🎄2nd house Venus can do well financially. They can be blessed with both beauty and money, but also beauty in their words/inside and out
🎄 Aquarius in your 7th house can indicate getting with a partner who is highly independent and friendly. You can have many things in common yet be so different
🎄 Moon x Moon synastry is not for the weak!! ESPECIALLY IF IS IN HARSH ASPECTS!! You won't do well in understanding each other fulfilments in a relationship
🎄 If your moon makes an opposite aspect with another moon (ex cancer x capricorn moon), you can expect a lot from the other person to not understand your emotions/how you feel
🎄 If you have high Saturn aspects in your chart, life gets better once you get older. You can feel like living in hell while you're younger, but it gets better with the years
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🎄 You can indimidate others once your Lilith makes an aspect with their sun or rising. They will feel also more curious about you
🎄 Venus in Fire signs can get more into situationships than real relationships, is ride or die with them. And they need 100000 years to think if they want a relationship or not. Once you're in a relationship with a fire Venus, they will change their energy in a more passionate/romantic one
🎄 Pisces/Neptune in your 7th house, what I love about these placements is that they create such strong bonds with their partners. Something that can last a lifetime
🎄 Mercury x Pluto aspects natives are good liars,they have a very mischievous energy surrounding them. Like a fox, which is very a unpredictable animal
🎄 Neptune x Mars natives can often have fights with their inner demons. Wanting to live in your own reality but being forced to live on earth
🎄Mercury ruled moon (Gemini, Virgo) can become quite anxious when they don't have a 2nd plan for a situation. Everything needs to be planned and calculated before
🎄 Aries/Mars in your 7th house can be an indicator for wanting to have a passionate & succeeding partner. Like you want someone who will never leave your side
🎄 Your moon sign can also tell you lots of things about how your mother felt when she was pregnant/before the time you were born, if she was anxious/scared, excited, and so on
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An early Christmas post 🎄🎄 enjoy!! Happy holidays to everyone 🥳🎄 by @harmoonix 💋🥳
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arom-antix · 22 hours ago
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Hey, just wanted to reach out to say that I found you pointing out and calling this person was really great and you shouldn't have apologized. It was incredibly true what you said, and to be honest it seems out of touch with the reality of a great deal of the japanese fandom, the nuances and their culture. Also, it was as you pointed out, extreme and may I say rude. I want to mention too that the way it was written, as if entitled of the knowledge and the 'explanation' made it all worse in context of the 'fucked up'. The original poster always gets away by using the 'well-written academic'' statement of their 'metas' as an excuse to do or say and make everyone else agree and if not, uses victim narrative and discourses exactly selecting wording for people to agree on it or feel bad.
I don't know if they tagging you in the way they did made you reblog and apologizing/backing up, but no one thought bad about you pointing it out. On the contrary, a lot of people had been bullied and discriminated by this person when they called them out/disagreed going onto lenghts of sending their friends to harass people, and the other persons can't even defend themselves because they are effectively blocked. To quite a few people in the fandom has been done, even accusing them as 'acephobes' (when they're not) or even Nazis by spreading lies. So yeah, I just wanted to say that. I think you were right to call them out publicly.
Thank you very much for this ask. To be completely honest I agree with everything you said here and don't actually feel bad about pointing anything out. I mainly apologised because I didn't want any potentially poor phrasing from my side to cause unnecessary hostility and because I myself have gripes with this person's behaviour but didn't want to cause a scene.
My honest opinion is that they have a serious issue with taking accountability for their own mistakes and highly overestimate their own intellect. If you're reading this, @thegirlwhorideslikeasamurai, sorry if I seem harsh, but it's true. I saw your post lamenting how you're the only academic meta writer / fan in the fandom and I didn't interact then because I honestly do not care enough to start that drama but with the information Blonndiec has just given me, I think it's necessary that someone calls you out.
You're not an academic. You're not beyond the mental capabilities of other fans. You're actually incredibly childish in your metas and analyses and I am not kidding when I say that I was halfheartedly writing essays more academic than every analysis I've seen from you when I was barely a teenager. I don't know how old you are and I frankly don't care. You're not as clever as you think you are.
Also, don't think I didn't notice that you didn't reblog my correction (link here to my correction and here to their "response" for those who didn't see that exchange) of your post so that you could control what your followers saw of the exchange. You're the opposite of an academic. You control information to tailor the narrative, you don't cite your sources properly if at all, you don't format your posts in anything close to how an academic analysis would be, you make unbased claims, you reference posts and canon material without in any way indicating where that information is from, you reference your own (equally unacademic) metas and your conclusions from them without indicating what post it's from or that it's your own theory this new one is based on and instead present it as a common fact, and I could go on and on and on. Your posts are also riddled with logical fallacies and you talk in absolutes and opinions when there's no canon basis to claim such things. I'm sorry, but that's not academic in the slightest.
To be clear, you don't have to be an academic to post on the Internet. You don't have to be anything at all. You could up front be a genuine idiot with no remorse and that's fine. But when you claim to be an academic and also put down the rest of the fandom for not being on your level, you have to be able to back that up. It'd still make you sound like a prick but at least your arrogance would have a basis. It currently does not.
I haven't personally seen the discussions that Blonndiec is referencing and I'm not going to claim anything definitive (because that would be unacademic of me, take notes) but if what they're saying is true and did happen as described, which I have empirical, if anecdotal, evidence to believe could very well be (a friend of mine has personally been blocked by you after they criticised you without actually mentioning your name which I of course can't prove is the reason for the block but the timing is awfully convenient), you should know that you should be ashamed of yourself.
If there's context missing, feel free to enlighten me and call out any incorrect accusations. You have every right to defend yourself. However, I encourage you to cite your sources since you're such an academic. If you don't, then it's just your word against Blonndiec and anyone else who might comment's word and that doesn't prove anything. Don't misunderstand, acephobia and nazi rhetoric should absolutely be called out but only if it's actually happening. False accusations can ruin lives. I hope you know that.
I'm not a fan of calling people out publicly and, again, thank you for this ask, Blonndiec. But considering many of the issues I've personally seen and those I've been informed of by second hand sources were posted publically, I don't really feel bad about calling this out. I could do a full breakdown of just the insulting "academic" comments alone and how there's no academia to be found in said academic metas and, Samurai, if you give me reason to, I will show exactly what I mean point by point (and academically just to give you an example of even low level academia).
If you respond to this, do it in a reblog. That's what a real academic would do. If I'm wrong and you can prove it, you'd have no reason to not show my post in your rebuttal. If I'm right, you'd have every reason to be upfront about your mistakes and how you intend to rectify them. There's nothing wrong with being wrong but there's a lot wrong with refusing to admit to it in a way that lets others peer review you (academic thing, look it up) and come to their own conclusions about the situation. That's what you did when you just @'ed me instead of reblogging my response. A true academic wouldn't hide a peer review. You'd know that if you were one.
I swing in many academic spaces and yet that doesn't make me any kind of expert and I don't claim to be one because I'm not. But since you want to be one so badly, reblog this with a response and show us all how smart you are. I'm dying to know what your academic take on this is.
#sorry to any moots and followers reading this for going off like this#this has just been weighing on me for a long time#i have absolutely zero issue with someone just making posts about a thing they like and things they think about#it doesnt have to be any kind of academic in the slightest#citing sources is not necessary to be a part of fandom#but when you make such a bold and demeaning claim that actively puts down the very fandom you claim to be part of#im gonna get pissed#we are not your underlings and you are not better than anyone else#maybe this is my inner jantelov shining bright here but this is exactly what the modern jantelov is for#calling out people who think theyre better than the rest based on nothing but arrogance and ego#trust me this is not how i usually try to sort problems but ive had it and i think everyone should know#ive personally fallen victim to the “explain away with half baked arguments and appeals to emotion” tactic from people#its very easy to want to give people the benefit of the doubt#so as someone who knows and has experienced how easy it is to fall into that trap i want to point this out to those who might not notice#its very easy to miss#but i didnt miss it this time and im not letting anyone else miss it either#when you start forgiving this type of behaviour youre only a step away from letting them walk all over you#suddenly youre wrapped around their pinky and you wont notice until the light from the exit dims so much that you cant see at all#ive been there#im not letting you go there too#to be clear this isnt a this person issue but you have to catch this behaviour the moment you see it otherwise youll catch it too late#im only being this up front about it because i want you to be able to recognise when someone actually dangerous does it#its a kind of pipeline#i want you to notice in time#ask#yuri on ice
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projectjasper · 2 days ago
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ARCHER'S (UNHINGED) STARLYMPICS 2024 HIGHLIGHTS
for those curious enough to read but not curious enough to watch
general sweet moments between so many different people who we don't often see together that will be lost to time soon, so i suggest you seek them out if you wish to 'awwww' a little
both teams - 'lightning cheetah' and 'shadow eagle' - having a pair to represent their team, except lightning cheetah's was pond & phuwin and shadow eagle's was nanon & tu, which i (as a lightning cheetah fan) can only interpret as shadow eagle being homophobic /j
skynani being on different teams (likely because they were composed before gmmtv realised how popular they would be) and the whole operation trying to constantly find a way to place them into the same context despite it
some participants straight up wearing jeans, indicating that they do not at all give a shit about the sports aspect
the members of the two teams always supporting each other despite the competitive nature of it all
most people being really bad at basketball (with the exception of joss, gawin, and tee) and football (with the exception of fourth)
pond (lightning cheetah) willingly carrying members of shadow eagle on his back and helping everyone stand up before returning to the game (gods bless him, he was not meant for competitive sport)
a mini-game (that did not affect the results, to be fair) which entirely depended on whether the person covering a basket was tall enough to dodge the ball aiming directly at it
marc (lightning cheetah) celebrating aou (shadow eagle) scoring, because 'we are means love' ykwim
phuwin missing his shot but pond (never having scored before) catching the ball and nonchalantly throwing it directly into the basket in a move that can only be described as impressive in the literal last minute of the basketball game (their team still lost, but hey, it was cool as hell anyway)
book only coming out to "play" for one minute, not doing anything, and ending up with a gold metal and an award, because his team still won - as it should be, btw, he is people's princess
namtan coming to the event in bright lime green kicks (and NOT coming to play, in the metaphorical sense), winning women's racing and thus guaranteeing the only award her team (lightning cheetah) would get in the entire starlympics
ciize (lightning cheetah) wearing a cheetah print headband and skirt with boots, which is definitely not athletic wear, but looked really fucking iconic, so who cares
chen doing actually quite well as a goalie and making me cheer for my chosen team's competitor until nanon suddenly decided to take his place, promptly missing two goals
fourth carrying the entire football game on his back, scoring all three goals for his team, and literally physically not being allowed back on the field in the first half of the second part of the game
win metawin scoring a goal in ridiculous expensive shoes that have little bags on them
nanon, despite being a goalie, showing off on the field multiple times, with no detriment to the game, as everyone was so bad at football that they couldn't even score a goal while the goalie was literally not at his gate
lightning cheetah's goalie paul seeming really good and almost (indirectly) convincing me to name my firstborn after him, only to miss every single penalty kick in a move that could only be described as him suddenly deliberately switching teams
a series of penalty kicks, most of which were disappointing to both teams, excluding the ones, where ohm (footballer) went up against nanon (goalie) and did not manage to score, followed immediately by leng kicking nanon in the balls with a football during his penalty kick, which was - and i'm sorry to say this - hilarious for all the reasons that you're thinking of
credit where credit is due, fourth and gemini's penalty kicks were also great, and they were the only lightning cheetah footballers to actually score for their team (gemini did that while wearing converse too, which is insane)
lightning cheetah easily winning the mini-game of tug of war, with great sapol looking so nonchalant and relaxed (read: extremely hot) while playing it that i am sure he gave at least a couple people a heart attack
despite there being only two teams, the team of losers was consistently awarded with "silver medals" for their... loss / winning of second place (out of two)?
in general, there were four awards: for basketball, football, men's racing, and women's racing - shadow eagle won all but one (women's racing)
the concert after the games was generally very wonderful, with everyone you can think of (and even some people you can't think of) having their own performances
whoever decided on the lineup definitely cooked because we got 'sadistic' by project jasp•er as the opening number and such amazing back-to-back performances as markpoon & aouboom and winnysatang & forcebook
prim & tu starting to perform 'tilt' (23.5 ost) together, seeming iconic at first, until nanon joined them out of nowhere, which probably constitutes that performance as some kind of a homophobic hate crime
phuwin, rushing out of the green room to watch project jasp•er do their first ever live performance, and pond later rushing out of the green room to watch phuwin perform 'to you'
pond wearing new light brown contacts, which i will forgive, as they are a step in the right direction (no contacts)
force wearing a show-stopping tits-out outfit during his and book's performance (seriously, look it up)
first & khaotung singing 'destroy love' together and it sounding so incredible that i will now forever miss first's voice in that song when listening to the regular version
gemini & fourth deciding to sing gemini's song (someone like me) together for some reason, with gem completely forgetting that it was now a duet and stealing fourth's part jjgkfdjglfjdgk
'charm' by lykn, joong & pond being so iconic that it was first performed in full during the concert and then once again as the closing performance
me having so much unbridled fun despite the whole thing lasting around eight hours <3
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tetric-electric · 2 days ago
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tbh I think that the way Ashley Graves is so mischaracterized by the fandom says a lot about how people view grooming survivors (and autistic people). Let me explain:
Obviously, huge spoilers for Chapters 1 and 2 of The Coffin of Andy and Leyley. This is just a psychoanalysis of Ashley, however to do so involves a LOT of lore.
To start off, I'm just gonna put a trigger warning right here for LOTS of talk about grooming, as well as neglect and ableism. If you feel uncomfortable reading about these subjects you are more than welcome to click off. Please stay safe.
What made me decide to do this rant:
A few months ago, I got a text from someone who was upset about me having Ashley as my PFP. I was initially like "okay, they don't like TCOAAL, so what", and then immediately after I got a text from them responding to an Instagram story I had basically saying that Ashley was "so me fr fr".
"Let me guess, you also kin Valentino"
Valentino, from Hazbin Hotel, as in the blatant physically + verbally + sexually abusive piece of shit who is in no way redeemable.
I had brushed this off as "maybe they just don't like Ashley", until they listed why.
...all of the reasons they gave fell under the main categories of "she's clingy, she's flirtatious with Andrew, and her sprites are made for the male gaze."
The male gaze thing was because she didn't appear to be wearing a bra. Which like... sexualizing much? For fuck's sake, she's locked in an apartment about to die, do you think wearing a bra would be a priority?
Secondly, her behaviour.
Admittedly, she's not a great person. But that's because she never learnt how to be.
In-game there is so so so SO much emphasis on how she acts childish, and how literally no one gives two shits about her. It doesn't take a professional psychologist to figure out that she never was able to develop properly. That's why she's so clingy, because Andrew is the one person who at least pretends to care about her. And then there's her flirtatiousness.
It's revealed in several flashbacks that the only way she could ever get Andrew's attention is to do something fucked up, as seen by her as a child killing Nina. Andrew then gives her attention for this, which establishes the connection that homicide -> attention, and attention = care and love and affection.
Due to the fact that she never had any friends, she never was able to have any type of love (whether that be platonic, romantic, etc.) reciprocated. Except for Andrew.
Andrew, throughout the game, proceeds to subtly encourage Ashley's flirtatiousness. She has no reference of this type of stuff not being okay, and thus her social isolation made her the perfect target.
Social isolation, gaslighting, coercion, threatening to hurt the person if they don't do the desired behaviour. You know what those are?
Textbook signs of grooming.
I realized that people hate Ashley so much because since she's not aware of her situation being bad, she's unable to come to that realization. She's not perfect, let alone a 'good victim'. She only sexualizes herself because that's how she learned she can get affection and care.
So... where does the whole "Ashley is autistic" theory come from, then?
As stated by Renee Graves, Ashley was "a lot of work" as compared to Andrew (guess what, kids take work). Now, this alone wouldn't be any indicator. However...
It's shown that she was unable to make friends because she was "weird" and clearly didn't have an understanding of social cues and rules (which honestly hit close to home for me). It's also shown that she problem-solves differently (or at least differently than Andrew, who is seen as the "logical sane one") and also seems to be more of a hands-on learner (I forget if there's any actual proof of this, however upon analysis she is an ESFP, and ESFPs tend to be more hands-on (yes I'm aware that MBTI types are the psychology equivalent of horoscopes, but there is some truth to them)).
Not to mention how she's shown to have extreme emotions, and tends to have meltdowns (I apologize if this isn't the right word, I'm not sure what the term would be). The extreme emotions part can be part of how blatantly of a pwBPD she is, but BPD also tends to have a higher frequency of showing up in autistic people, especially autistic women.
In conclusion, people hate Ashley Graves because of how well-integrated ableism is in society, as well as the concept of a 'perfect victim'.
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concretecultist · 2 days ago
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The Vulture and The Finch
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summary: a short story where the finch trusts the vulture, leading to a gut-wrenching betrayal.
word count: i have no idea actually but it is short.
warnings: angst, no happy ending, betrayal
A/N: Inspired by the song Birds by the Sea by BANKS. im back and im here fo bring the heartache.
“You never sang for me,”
Fighting the tears in your eyes was something you found yourself doing more often these days than not. His outfits were the same, but he wasn’t. How did this much time pass? You felt so lost, you stand alone now and the one person you wanted to stand by you forever… now stands with someone else.
“Y/N… what did you call me here for?” He has a right to ask this question. You haven’t spoken in almost two years. All the rumors you heard have become too much to bear, it was gutting you to even think about any of it being true. But seeing the five o’clock shadow and the ring on his left hand was answer enough.
“Heard you’re living with a girl by the sea,” You tried to smile, tried to choke out laughter to seem supportive but it all just sounded strangled; gurgled as if you’re drowning.
You stare out at the waves, aching with the knowledge that Noah always knew you wanted to settle down by the water as it was your safe space. You could cry while sitting on the shore, sharing something in common with the water that greeted you, the salt in your tears mimicking the crashing of the waves, releasing your pain. The wind that whisked past you whispered in your ears with each gust, ‘this too shall pass’.
It all feels like a lie now.
He said he’d never leave you. With all the warnings your mutual friends were giving you, you shouldn’t have believed him, especially because every time he said it, he said it by the door.
Subtle foreshadowing.
Was it because you broke the ancient superstition to never buy your lover shoes unless you want them to walk right out of your life? Perhaps it was the time you bought him the watch he wanted, bringing forth the bad omen on yourself, giving you no choice but to countdown how much time you had left together.
How rich that he’s wearing that very watch now.
“Heard she’s have a little baby now, how sweet”
He’s taken your dreams, your visions, just to fashion them to fit his current life. A piece of you has been stolen, it has kept you up at night more times you can count while he sleeps ever so peacefully.
“You don’t get to speak on my family,” His voice was void of any patience. He’s not even sure why he entertained you to come out here.
It’s sad really, the thought of Noah was always accompanied by birds, flying around you two as they sang their tune, but he never sang for you. His refusal should have been sign enough, he knew the type of love you desired and his defiance was a display of the deprivation.
“I should have listened to everyone when they told me not to fall for you, fuck! Even your own best friend warned me! He always told me you’d never change your ways but he was wrong. You did! I just wasn’t worthy, apparently,”
“Y/N, I have a wife and our child to get back to. I’m not here to debate my choices with you!”
“Then why did you come?!,” spinning around to take in the sight of him. He always had tired eyes but they only seemed more exhausted as they ran over your features. You weren’t sure if it was due to him preparing for a child… or if it was the fact he always found you mentally and emotionally taxing; that any energy he spent dealing with you was quickly depleted.
“Because I felt bad for you!,” his own expression was an indication of his involuntary slip up, however, he figured he might as well drive the sword deeper, “I came here because I still ask Nicholas about you and he tells me you’re not doing well. I know it’s my fault but what can I do now, Y/N? I’m married- I have a daughter on the way, I-,”
“So you take my plans and execute them with another girl? Yes. That sure shows your sympathy for me, Sebastian!”
“What is the point in all this?,”
The million dollar question. You asked yourself this all the way over here. No answer you came up with sounded good enough and you know no matter what answer you give, he will find pitiful.
“Closure, I guess,” You shrugged, wrapping your cardigan tighter around you as you turn back to the sea. Standing ankle deep in the water, wishing to be carried away in the ebb and flow. You hated how he could easily make you cry.
“You took the life I wanted for us both and you gave to someone else,” now there was venom on your tongue, “You were my songbird… y-you were supposed to bring love and joy but come to find out you’re a fucking vulture hiding in the skin of a finch. You mimicked me until the hunger of your own selfishness took over! You picked at me and picked until you were full and sated then you left my fucking carcass to rot and you think you deserve the peace? The clear conscience that you have?!,”
You really didn’t mean to break. You came here to ask how he was and to congratulate him on his new life, but the more you think about it- you didn’t want to do that anymore. He took the heart of a hopeless romantic and squeezed it dry right in front of you. How do you congratulate that? When he drained the blood from you just to pump it into the life he has today, making it full and youthful?
It’s sickening, actually.
You turned once more to look at him and swallowed thickly.
“You are the bad omen in my life. There was no black cat, no broken mirror, no walking under a ladder. Just a 6’3 bloodsucker who carefully chooses his next conduit to drain until he gets what he wants,”
You began to walk past him, just wanting to leave. That want was quickly diminished when you come to an immediate halt, feeling his hand wrap around your forearm, the coolness of his ring seeping through a hole in your cardigan brought a type of burning you’ve never experienced.
“That’s not fair,” he hissed, eyes strong and dead set on yours, surprised with you snatching your arm out of his grasp.
“No, what’s not fair is Nicholas telling me you’re naming your daughter after the name I was going to give our child!,” you push him away, a fire burning under your flesh, the complete opposite of the cool air that rushed between the two of you, “What’s not fair is you giving your wife my dream home!,”
Another push.
“What’s not fair is you making me believe that what you have now could have been with me,”
Another one.
“What’s not fair is you leaving me in the middle of the night while I cried for you and never turning back!,”
Another.
“What’s not fair is you dedicating songs to your wife and all I ever fucking got was a half assed unreleased verse on a usb!”
One more.
“What’s not fucking fair, Noah!! Is you watching me fall in love with you knowing you never felt the same way. That I was just a place holder until the girl you truly wanted, wanted you back!!!”
Next thing you know he’s stumbling and falling into the crashing waves, sea foam in his hair and salt water burning his eyes.
“You can have it! Have my life!,” you bellow, watching as he tries to pull himself together.
“You’re the one that has to live the rest of your life knowing you’re so empty that you have to siphon others to feel joy, to feel anything!,” you take a few steps toward him, pointing a finger with so much anger it could kill, “You have nothing left to siphon from me, so good luck trying to figure everything else out on your own,”
“Y/N,” he just sat there, head hanging low while his arms rest on his knees.
You had nothing left to say, nothing left to hear, so you had no reason to stay.
“Y/N!,”
The sand sinking with each step, forcing you to use your arms, your anger promoting the momentum.
“Y/N! Fuck!,”
His voice became quieter the more distance you made.
His facade will crumble.
And you’ll find your birds by the sea. Reminding yourself over and over that you’ll get what you deserve out of this life.
“Someone will sing for me”
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I know it’s quick and short but I really missed writing and this is to help me get back into it after the long and unexpected hiatus!! Thank you all for your support and patience!!!🩵
tags: @dravenskye @babs-96 @tech-depression-inventory @magnificentstrawberryomen @mrscevans @tinyfairies @mxddymay @themorticians-world @rainy-darling @darknightstarryeyes @thisbicc @lilhobgobbler @lovethe-void @cind6547 @flowery-mess @widowsofchaos @abiomens @amelia-acero @collapsedglasshouses @poppy-in-the-woods @rostoken @dkxxm @fadingintothegrey @blairboo @lacy1986
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astro-witchery · 3 days ago
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🪐— The Importance of Saturn Aspects in Synastry or Composite Chart: Making or Breaking a Couple —🪐
Saturn gets a bad rep in astrology. Known as the father, it’s a planet that is notorious for negative adjectives: Slow, Iron Fisted, disciplined, & restrictive. But what if told you that Saturn is one of the most important planets in synastry and composite chart readings? Let’s discuss!
While Saturn has its negatives, it’s extremely helpful in relationships. It’s grounding and practical energy can balance and mellow out some of the harshest aspects in romantic/relational chart readings.
Why and how is this the case? Saturn brings with it: patience, resilience, maturity, and responsibility (especially when positively aspected in Synastry or Composite chart). Those attributes are crucial when combating negative aspects in relationships. Almost all relationships will face some sort of hardship, so it’s nice to have built in mechanisms in the relationship to help navigate tougher times with your partner.
If your relationship has significant grounding energy due to Saturns presence in either Synastry or Composite, then it can indicate (even if you have some harsh aspects with the other person, for example squares or oppositions to the Sun, Moon, Venus, Mars, or Pluto) patience and perseverance as a couple and the ability to work through any troubles. It calms impulsivity, allowing for the individuals to think rationally about the issue at hand. It also gives the couple a sense of responsibility for the relationship, and reminds them not to give up easily.
Sometimes Saturns energy isn’t enough though. If the Synastry or Composite chart indicates almost all or extremely dominant negative aspects, Saturns energy could almost have a reverse effect. It might add to the troubles the couple is facing, even if the Saturn aspects are positive. Saturn could impose a restrictive energy and make the relationship feel even heavier. Saturn could push for partners to just stay together, to the point relationship becomes stagnant and resentment builds. Positive Saturn aspects with little to no romantic and/or sexual chemistry, harmony, or attraction can make the relationship feel like ‘work’, which isn’t the best for long term partnerships.
The ideal balance in a Synastry or Composite chart is a mix of tension and harmony. Lots of neutral to positive Venus, Moon, and Jupiter aspects bring emotional, romantic, and spiritual joy. Mercury aspects enable clear communication between individuals. Negative through positive Mars and Uranus aspects can bring passion and excitement to the relationship. Then Saturn is the key to stabilize and bring that maturity to the relationship, and really hammer home that long term commitment even when things get rough!
So while Saturns energy can be heavy in most contexts, it can really make or break a relationship in terms of Synastry or Composite chart reading! If you’ve got a relationship your looking into, see how Saturn plays into your relationship dynamic and feel free to reblog or comment your finds ~
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I also offer paid chart readings! I’m not super organized about it but I do natal charts in Western Tropical Astrology with Whole Sign Housing. I can also do Synastry and Composite if that’s what you’re looking for. I try to be reasonable with pricing, so I go by a sliding scale based on what you can offer. If you want something for free, you can drop an ask with some of your placements or aspects you have questions about and I’ll answer if I’m not too swarmed. Have a great holiday y’all ~
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the problem is that it's so hard to really analyze anything about arcane, and draw any conclusions about the story, because of the way it was written and conceived in the first place.
to the people who're like "yeah season 2 was bad, but season 1 was a MASTERPIECE in story writing and PERFECT in every way", that's just not true. the cracks were already there in season 1. there's multiple things, especially overarching ones, that just don't add up, and several ways that the story progresses that seem like odd choices. the thing was that, to me, the rest of it was all so good... the small details, the contained scenes were so well done, so detailed, so touching, that i really believed that maybe those cracks were just hiccups after all, and it's not a big deal, and maybe they'll even make a lot more sense and all get tied up with a nice little bow in season 2 (ha)
to me, at this point, it seems obvious that the way season 1 came into being was that these three idiots (who should never be allowed to write anything ever again) wrote a script, that was so terrible that riot had to bring in help to fix it for them (cause they were that incapable) and then someone got handed their slop and told "save this as much as you can, but keep the main points the same", and save it THEY DID! but the overarching plot is still the original one. which is why there's this dissonance all across it.
season 1 often seems like it's trying to tell two different stories at once. the example that comes easiest to me is jinx's transformation from powder to jinx post time skip. to the people i know irl who watched it, me included, the difference between these two is jarring, to the point that it just doesn't seem realistic that powder would change that much. this is what most people's reaction to her transformation was. like, sure, she changed... but jinx is almost a completely different person. and we can sit here and analyze all we want, and say yeah, but look, in ep2 min37, powder laughs when an enforcer is hurt, so that shows that she is indeed attracted to violence even at this age, but like... first of all, im at this point fully convinced that these details were put in specifically for that, to attenuate the valley that is between powder's character and jinx's, and I also honestly feel embarrassed that i even have to do all of this at all.
other notable examples are whatever is going on between jinx and silco in their relationship. like, yeah, he was actually a good father to her... but actually, there's something weird going on between them... but actually, no... he was better than vander, but actually he was worse than vander and was actually the cause of everything bad in jinx's life..... and on, and on, because the literal story itself never actually makes up its mind on what it wants the relationship between these two characters to be. same as it never makes up its mind on whether powder was a cute, innocent kid who was just manipulated by silco, or if powder was born like that and was just looking for an opportunity to release her inner jinx. same way as it never makes up its mind on whether vi is a devoted sister, who would do anything to get powder back, as she herself says, or if she actually thinks this new enforcer chick she just met is kinda cooler, as her actual actions would indicate. does silco adopt jinx because he sees himself in her, or does he intend to use her as a weapon and then later on grows to actually care about her? there comes a point where "this is a complex story" just becomes an excuse for "we were actually working with three different ideas at once and we never really decided on which one we were gonna do and we kinda just prayed it would all work out somehow"
the one thing that arcane season 2 has on season 1 is that it doesn't suffer from any of these weird identity issues. it's bad and simplistic but it's bad and simplistic in its entirety and it doesn't ever seem interested in being anything else. the story has no continuity or congruence issues, except of course for the ghost of season 1 that haunts it, and especially haunts the writers, who so far have displayed nothing but dismay for the story that actually made this show so acclaimed, and have done all they could to bury it as much as possible in season 2.
now, personally, im a big death of the author truther. even more so in cases like these, where we're dealing with teams of people. power struggles happen in studios, and in writing rooms, and at every level of production. and these three people that have taken credit don't seem like the most emotionally (or intellectually) mature individuals.
so, to solve all these issues, just know that when im discussing or analyzing arcane, im going off the interpretation of the events that serves the story the most, and that leads to the most meaningful narrative and the one that is most worth telling. all of this weird lee and overton slop that snuck in im gonna be completely ignoring.
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generalluxun · 6 hours ago
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Ahh this makes it more clear. Ranting is valid. The rant just sounded close enough to what some consider reasoned discourse that several of us newbs were fooled.
I think two of the reasons so many fandom folks still cling are
1)Sunk costs. It's been 10yrs of this.
2)As of S4, none of this really bad stuff had metastisized.
Sure Mari was making some questionable moves in S4, but it still felt like it could lead somewhere. It could have been the one in a one-two punch.
But it wasn't.
S5 Marinette is... I don't know what the plan was. It seems insane. Writer commentary seems to indicate the legitimately thought this was a good/wholesome direction and just.... Wow.
Many people just cling to that pre-S5 Marinette as *Marinette*. They're too invested in the girl-they-knew to let her go that easy. Heck, I'm one of them. Is she gone? S6 will kind of bear this out one way or another.
Calling it the writing is important for context though to a point. Even if they were to shake out Marinette's character and scrub her down until she's the girl you used to love, nothing will *fix* S5. Marinette can be a good person again, but S5 will still be a badly written season. You'll still talk about the series to new watchers by saying 'Yeah and then S5 happens. Here's the cliff notes. Watch it only if you really want to. Here's a couple high points for fun.'
The reason I say even an expertly crafted turnaround that restores Marinette can't save S5 is that- You don't put a multi year damnation/redemption arc into your programing aimed at kids. Kids age out. Kids move on. A 3-5 yr arc is just not responsible in a showrunner. Kids will be left with half the message.
It's important to have NaCl in your diet. But straight Cl is pure poison. 😅
I do get the visceral emotional response though, and I haven't even been here half the time some people have. The Marinette who stood in front of the world and declared Gabriel Agreste a hero betrayed a lot of people, and I don't mean characters in the show.
I get that alot of people go with the approach of "every Miraculous character is deeply screwed by the writers, so it's a writing problem" but at this point this feels like deflecting from the real problem
No shit stories and their characters are written by writers, but so many blogs I see now that go with that approach imo keep on dismissing the point of the problems people are pissed about because "well the characters aren't real, so I'm superior for saying it's the writers fault"
Guys, we KNOW they are fictional characters, you're not unique. But what is happening is that I get less and less out of the analysis posts from these blogs because they're beating around the damn bush especially when it comes to Marinette.
Yes, every character is screwed by the writing but Marinette has been retooled into the self-serving center of the universe who gets by though damn technicalities. This writing pattern is 2 disastrous seasons in, SHE IS THE PROBLEM.
You can try and sugarcoat that however you like by saying that Marinette is a fictional character so its the writers fault, but that doesn't change that Marinette's CHARACTER & WRITING is still the source of all the problems and that stories are being told to get emotional reactions. That's the entire purpose of a story.
No, I don't think people are doing it right by approaching all of Miraculous on a mere meta level. That's not how a story is supposed to be read. The meta level is an additional one on top of the emotional one, not the "rational way" to consume media.
And imo the analysis blogs I see around so much deliver less and less analysis posts I can do anything with. They are so caught up in explaining that the characters aren't to blame but the writers that they sideline why people are feeling the way they do.
There is this persistent dissonance in their posts about how apparently no amount of bad writing can change a character when that's just... objectively incorrect. Marinette for example is SUPPOSED to be compassionate and a thoughtful hero and partner/ leader to Cat Noir. Marinette in Canon though by this point is straight up NOT anymore.
But in their posts it's basically said that if people say that, then that makes them irrational because on a meta level the execution and effect of the writing is apparently irrelevant. Distant meta is king and the only rational way to engage with this story.
And I just don't see the point in that.
The outcome and the emotional effect of the writing is what actually matters. Not the intention behind it (no wonder people are using that excuse to defend Marinette's character. It's another variant of "but she MEANT well"). If Marinette is by now a toxic and even abusive partner and leader to be suck with, then that's the fucking damage the writing did. And said damage is DONE. That's her character NOW. Talk about the theory behind it however you like, the character CONCEPT is not Canon compliant anymore, and nothing is gonna change that besides facing the deeply rooted damage that has been done, analysing those on an EMOTIONAL level so you can then course correct the CANON character through the necessary development into becoming what the character was initially supposed to be.
Call me a dick, but just saying "the characters aren't real" is not a productive way of going about this dumpster fire anymore.
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Another thing to take into account about the “it’s just bad writing” approach is that, like, it’s not like the way Marinette herself is being written has changed that much. What changed is how the narrative and other characters react to her and her behavior. Marinette has always been self-important, self-serving and self-obsessed, but these used to be treated as character flaws, signs of her immaturity and naivete she’d need to grow out of. Now we’re being told she’s flawless, actually, and has never done anything wrong ever and none of her mistakes were her fault. 
Like, I’ve recently been familiarizing myself more with the “my dear diary” teen drama genre, and it really is more of a dramedy genre if anything. Most of these series will have a self-important, self-serving and self-obsessed protagonist and the entire narrative is filtered through their self-centered world-view, because we’re basically reading their diary where they vent about things that annoy or excite them. Now comes the kicker: the “comedy” of the dramedy comes from how comically over the top these protagonists are when they clearly and obviously misrepresent their lives and themselves to the audience. Miraculous is leaning very heavily into this downright selfish protagonist archetype, but actually wants you to agree with the protagonist when you can see, with your own eyes, because this is a different medium, that the world isn’t nearly as unfair to our protagonist as she claims.
Here’s another kicker: if you aren’t laughing at the joke or projecting yourself onto the protagonist, you’re most likely gonna hate the protagonist of most “my dear diary” books. They tend to be the most opinion-splitting characters in their own fandoms, with readers either loving them or outright despising them.
Dismissing these kinds of fandom reactions only when they veer into the negative direction showcases the real motivation of the “it’s all just the writing” crowd. I need to dissociate from the show’s story in order to discuss why Marinette is still so beloved by the fandom, because I just can’t feel that way about her anymore. Similarly, the people dissociating from the story in order to explain why fans are disappointed and outraged by the story, can’t see anything worth getting upset about in the show. They think it’s all okay. They’re not approaching the show purely logically, they are still emotionally invested, they still like the show. Of course the seemingly logical approach to fandom unrest seems to just be defending Marinette and the show, because it is.
It’s basically a way to retreat from the criticism. Like, the accusations of Marinette being a stalker used to be easily sidelined with “it’s just a joke you don’t like” until they made it a sign of canonical mental instability. It was a way to say: "this is a silly thing to be upset about". Now we’re sidelining the abuse apologia with “it’s just bad writing, that’s not what Marinette’s character is”. What these people are actually saying is: “she’s made up, so my made up version of Marinette in my head didn’t do that.” Like, when you have to deny canon exists, your analysis isn’t analysis anymore; it’s headcanons at the very least, completely made up at most.
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uncanny-tranny · 7 months ago
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I recently had to do a project in one of my psych classes, and man, I knew that CBT was used for every little thing, but seeing over and over, "do CBT! CBT is the best for every mental illness!" was so jarring. I'm absolutely biased because of my own experiences, but I just don't think it's as universal a treatment model as it's touted.
If you didn't benefit from CBT, it's not because you're lazy or didn't try hard enough or lacked intelligence or foresight into your own needs. Frankly, it's a therapy model that (I think) shouldn't be the only readily-accessible model and among the only therapy models covered by insurance. Some of us should not be treated in a CBT model and that's okay. It's not a sign of poor character or unreasonable demands, and if you don't think it's a model that works for you, then it's your right to express that!
#mental health#mental health advocacy#it was just so annoying because every resource i could access for this project often ONLY recommended cbt and#that just doesn't seem helpful for a good chunk of people#because i know i never benefitted from that model of therapy#obligatory: i am not against this therapy. me having a negative experience with it is not indicative that i believe it should be abolished'#if it works for you: KEEP DOING IT. cbt is not inherently harmful for MANY people and it's a good and valuable tool for many#but the overemphasis of cbt as the Only Therapy Model You Need sends this message that YOU failed...#...if you don't miraculously recover with that therapy model. it often feels like you'll Fail Recovery/Therapy and you're now a Bad Person#i've tried for over a decade to stick out cbt with a dozen therapists to boot. so i think i know a thing or two about my experiences with it#and overall its an unimpressive model (for me) as someone whos had a history with abuse and miscellaneous mental knickknacks rattling around#it's also frustrating because i genuinely like psych and i love learning about people#it's just. i'm tired of only being exposed to cbt (because i hate it honestly)#i feel similarly about cbt as i do with sigmund fucking frued#anyway i just want other insane people (affectionate) to remember that they deserve to not beat themselves up over this#if you're an insane person reading this: i love you i love you i love you i love you#i will share a slice of cake and homemade bread with you <3
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an-obligatory-blog · 29 days ago
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Is.
Is this a safe space for me to say that I don't like the trope of "Infinite thought his squad was killed by Shadow but in actuality it's a deception by Eggman"?
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birbliophile · 2 days ago
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I think there’s definitely a possibility that Envy being a bad fighter wasn’t super conscious on Arakawa’s part and falls a bit into the “shapeshifting is kind of OP but authors have a hard time making the most of it” phenomena, but thinking about it it does seem to line up a bit with Envy’s established character.
Envy’s primary modus operandi is deception, turning into humans in order to manipulate emotions and revel in the suffering they can cause through that specific technique. Envy likes playing with their food, always showing a satisfied smirk when their victims realize they’ve been duped. They consider themselves the perfect spy—and they are! It’s something they’re good at and they clearly enjoy it, so part of it is likely that they just don’t think of their abilities as a weapon, more a tool for espionage. I mean heck, they stab the armor brothers with a sword at Lab 5!! A SWORD!! Not shapeshifting a blade, a regular SWORD!! Envy has more than enough mass to just physically CRUSH things into submission! But they don’t seem to think about it.
So it seems for Envy, their shifting forms are only for sneaking around. They turn into a horse not for the kick strength, but to blend in with the forest. They designate ONLY their Leviathan form as the big guns, and only bring it out when they can’t use deception to get out of a situation.
It could also be that Envy’s mass does prevent them from being as effective a fighter. I think that’s the reason they don’t morph birds—they’re too heavy to fly!! Even if they’re in humanoid form, they still need a lot of strength just to move, so maybe that makes them far less coordinated and precise in their movements as Lust. In Leviathan form they make up for that with greater surface area, which means instead of just punching (requiring that they can HIT the target) they can just bulldoze through enemies. But Leviathan Envy definitely isn’t as good a fighter or tactical thinker than their siblings, and seems to not be as durable as Sloth.
On a more philosophical level, Envy is the personification of wanting what others have. Perhaps them shapeshifting humans to manipulate loved ones most often is also an indication that they secretly desire a love that they’ll never have, or acceptance as a person. Or maybe as the personification of jealousy, Envy is blinded to the true potential of their own unique gifts and powers and fixates on what others can do that they can’t, resenting them for it despite being incredibly powerful in their own right.
Ok so like...I was thinking about where Lust would fall on a power scale of all the characters and it occurred to me that Envy is...not good at fighting.
Envy relies primarily on trickery and shapeshifting, but they're really outclassed by some of the better fighters (Lan Fan for instance) and also seems to underutilize the potential of shapeshifting? "Oh noes I'm losing better go leviathan mode" but like
morph a bear. lion. heck they've morphed a horse in the manga and I know that could do some serious damage by itself! And Envy's used shapeshifting in battle before - they turned their arm into a snake to choke Ling for instance.
Anyway has anyone imagined Mustang vs Bear Envy because now I can't get it out of my head
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dykeredhood · 4 days ago
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The perma-scowl is perma-scowling today
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cielosuerte · 15 days ago
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something distinctly sad & frustrating internally about watching someone go through something chronically awful & similar on the face of it to your own horrors & wanting to reach out and talk to them about it to offer support & knowing that by nature of the similarity that is almost definitely the last thing they want/need & so you have to sort of watch from afar and psychically beam your words at them and hope it clicks soon
#the paradox of never wanting to be a burden. of becoming someone that doesnt annoy anyone#is that you feel guilt for talking about the pain with others#and so. you falsely but understandably think isolation will be the perfect solution#''if i isolate then im suffering but if no one hears about it no one cares and no one is bothered so i win''#is a fundamentally cruel take. is the thing. and it is so hard to accept that because of the guilt and the feeling that there is no winning#but the thing is when you isolate and suffer people are now both worried about you and feel discarded. feel hopeless. etc.#and i dont think you should do everything for others. and i think when you are making choices for others it is worth being#realistic about what you are deciding for them and knowing when it is irrational#bc the thing is people do care and that does feel uncomfortable#and you do feel guilty for people being ''bothered'' by your suffering#and i understand the instinct to say no! the point of me isolating is so you dont feel bad about me! stop caring!#thinking this is the righteous thing to say to someone when really it is just something that hurts to hear#i'm still learning it too. i'm not perfect at it. i'm chronically suicidal and always going back and forth with myself about all the horrors#two things:#1) guilt is not absolute as an indicator of rightness. learn to recognize when it is lying to you.#2) the best way to unburden yourself to others is to not kill yourself. to find hope or curiousity or whatever will keep you alive and#grab it fiercely with both hands. to start to be kind to yourself when it's hard and to at least recognize the goodness of others#instead of cruelly dismissing them. i don't think therapy is the only answer or even the best answer. i think too much is too expensive#to suggest anything that isnt something you can do on your own#and it is fucking hard and feels impossible and you'll have a lot of bad moments with it but like. i know you can get to a place where#you're not cured but you're not cruel anymore. and it gets easier from there#ugh none of this will ever get to that guy but i just really wish him the best and ill respect his wishes and not think abt it anymore#but just for the record that does hurt bc i care about people and it sucks when im not allowed to but thats his perogative and#he is his own person and i just really hope things look up for him soon bc hes cool and has nice art
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liuisi · 25 days ago
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i feel. like there is a balance to strike between distinguishing what is actually scrupulousity and what is genuinely you feeling guilty because God is convicting you of something. like yeah theres a point where you're just making yourself miserable over things that hold no consequence because you're terrified of doing something wrong. but. i think. that if you can find good (scripture-supported) arguments for why this God wouldn't want you to do this thing, to then dismiss that as scrupulousity is just deliberately closing your eyes to it.
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