#(and I am Free) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thatweirdfetish · 26 days ago

Text

In the short time I didn't have tiktok, I couldn't silence the invasive thoughts with thirst traps of buff women and Emmrich enthusiasts. Instead I opted to write scenes, things that make me think of Emmrich, and a collective of things that I can physically hear him say.

"I'll envy even the dirt that wraps up your body, my dear." dunno where I heard it but it's got Em all over it.

"Whether you come as a lover or an executioner, I am ready to receive you.” for specifically Lich!Emmrich

"Have you heard of the lovelorn wanderer? The woman that dug in the dirt for her not so lover?" lover girl is literally haunting the grounds Emmrich died at, no matter how he passed she still digs

"Rook darling, why can't you get it? I have had my beginning and I know how this ends, the middle is where you were found. The ever encapsulating unknown of the in between, it's beautiful but so horrifically short."

"Darling, how this almost ruined me- To be a man that lives in the darkness would have been better than to be the man that life found, the man on his knees who prayed for your return is worse off than the man who never knew its grace. (Solas)He spoke of fairness in a game that we should not play. The only equality to be seen is the one where you walked away. Love wants to be as simple as breathing, but it came as swift as the waves recede. Love does not care for the speed nor for the height of which the waves have grown; it only knows destruction or how it will swallow you whole." my brain went a lil wild after he said 'darling I thought I'd lost you forever' in such a sad voice

'Silence had never felt so heavy as when he looked up at me, cradling the limp stature of his ward. Our son, "We must go to the Necropolis.." he strained out, veilfire dancing in the collective tears we both were attempting to will away. "ahem- Of course, would you like me t-" The crunch of dirt scattering under his boot cut her short as he lifts Manfred wordlessly. The soft tremor of his shoulders breaking the thinly veiled composure he clings to as he strided forward. Neve's hand on my shoulder is the only thing helping to maintain my own.'

And now a little scene between my Rook's mother and her ever patient baby daddy.

"One of us has to consider my morality!" she watched as his grey hair slowly fell out of place, the rapid rise and fall of his chest as he spoke despite his measured tone, the desperate dedication filling his eyes as he looked upon her. "Emmrich please, I know the risks at hand here-" "At your age?" he cuts in, her eyes quick to snap up to his narrowing.

Hands clenched on reflex as she inhales deeply. "That's not fair and you know it" she whispered before returning her gaze to him with an almost unbearable softness. "Yes, at my age. I'm not some naive dalen roaming the Arlathan wilds, nor am I some spry junior attending your lectures. You have six, say it with me, SIX years on me at most. Our children are nearly half our age. And it would do you well to remember that,"

She watched as his posture snapped straight, confusion clouding up his expression as his eyes bounced across her features expectantly. Her eyebrows knitting together in confusion, "What?" She asks, anxiety nipping at her tongue.

"Children- you said CHILDREN, plural.." he spoke slowly, carefully. Almost playing with the way the words flowed from his mouth.

"Yes I di-" it was her turn to still now, eyes quickly dropped to the floor.

Fuck, she hadn't told him about Emiliana yet.

He took a tentative step forward, gold clinking as he raised his arm to quietly sit in the space between. "Hyacinth- No, Cin darling look at me. Please" he begged, attempting to coax her. But she didn't stir, eyes remained transfixed to the floor out of guilt or desperation he couldn't be sure. So he did what he thought was best and attempted to speak one more time, only to fall silent at the shake of her shoulders as her voice rang out once again.

“Emiliana," she muttered out, "our daughter's name is Emiliana. She's wonderful, so intelligent and diligent. I doubt even a Pride demon could have pried her out of the Skyhold library,” a sad chuckles slipped from her lips as her hand came up to mindlessly thumb at her necklace.

-which is an intricate Locket he's realizing upon closer inspection.

“She's not very adept at magic much to her frustration, I fear it may be the only thing she inherited from me beyond the freckles. She'll be damned if that stops her though," a deep sigh filled the gap as Cin rose her head once more. Tears streaked across her face, but her eyes burned with such loving familiarity it nearly sent him reeling.

“You should see how she flourishes when she is in the thick of her alchemist studies, I'd dare to say her love of botany could put yours to shame with the course she's on at present.” His eyes are wide, careful to note every word, every loving detail she's sharing so rapidly despite the heavy reluctance her voice strained through. The pride he can't help but to bask in with her at every new revelation, and the pain of lost experiences he'll never share.

A small, almost imperceivable smile twitched at the corner of her lips as she wiped away a stray tear.

“She's grown to be so much like you, it nearly had me bent to the knee in mourning at what was taken from you all unknowingly when I ran away with them..”

The crackling of the fireplace and the click of heels against stone echoed against the oppressive silence as he approached her once again. Hands delicate as one came to softly grasp at her twitching hand to remove it from the locket momentarily, while his gloved one patiently cradles her cheek.

“May I?” he asks, voice soft but not demanding as his thumb traces small circles along her face in attempts to help clear up her gathered tears.

Swallowing thickly, she nods ever so slightly. The anxiety, the grief, the anticipation all of it fell to her feet as she watched him.

Still she was eager to drink in the subtle aging of his features with such close proximity, the once shapely cheekbones that's sharpened with the march of time. The ever encapsulating creases of his laugh lines that deepened, and the new ones that formed at the corner of his eyes. That one early onset grey streak that seamlessly bled out and took over the rest of his thick locks save for a long thicket that remains just as pitch black against his widowspeak.

Her eyes flick towards his hand as it gingerly prys open her locket while she notes the slight crinkles of his skin at his knuckles, the greenish hue of the veins under his alabaster skin creeping out from the clicking bracelets in a quiet act of defiance. Even the small dusting of age spots that gather on the top of his hands she's happy to drink up in an attempt to steady herself.

His sharp intake of breath quickly throws her out of it again though as the anxiety coils back through her like a vice grip. His hand slipped from her cheek once more, careful to cradle the locket between both palms that now laid fully unfolded in his grasp.

The tears the fell from his eyes causing her to harshly bite down on her tongue, quick to silence any of her own sobs.

His eyes quickly darted across the golden pendant savoring the images. The first one held the likeness of a child with some of the messiest curls he'd ever seen and a mischievous grin shy of a front tooth. “Rook– no, Edwin..” he spoke with quiet amusement as his thumb gingerly ran along the frame before moving to the next.

There sat the three of them, Edwin barely a hair bigger happily curled into his mother with a hand placed ever so softly on a bundle with pitch black tuffs of hair poking out, he sighed, one that rattled deep from within his chest. “Emiliana?” he questioned, as his thumb lightly grazed the picture while he turned his gaze to Cin.

The metallic taste of blood pooled on her tongue as she nodded wordlessly. Eyelashes heavy with unshed tears as she watched him return to the photo, a somber smile pulling at his lips as he turned to the last one.

He laughed, a genuine deep laugh at the third image. It was of them in their youth standing side by side, covered head to foot in soot and grime. Cin’s wild grin as she eagerly clung to Emmrich's arm, wearing his own coy smile.

“Of all the photos, of all excursions, you pick the messiest one to commit to gold?” he questions, his voice light with mock offense despite the tears that glide down his face. At this she broke, the hideous sound of her sob filled the room at his tender tone.

She sinks in of herself, clutching at her chest tightly in a vain attempt to sooth the violence of her shuddering breaths. Her voice cracking and she speaks,

“Don't just smile at me like that Emmrich, I- I don't deserve it, please” her nails bite into her skin as she clawed at her arm. “Look at what my fear, my selfish fear TOOK from you. I couldn't even, I didn't-”

Her eyes were blown wide with fear and regret, words beginning and dying on her tongue as she grasped roughly at the root her hair pushing it from her face as she laughed.

“I got pregnant not once, but TWICE and ran from you both times. I didn't even give you the courtesy of knowing it happened, I had every opportunity to after Edwin. You were there, right there in front of me at that banquet. We even went off to the gardens to be alone it was the perfect time, it was right fucking there- and then you kissed me and it's like I forgot about everything I was supposed to say and then we-” she paused closing her eyes taking a deep breath and continued, anxiously pacing.

“And then Emiliana came to my attention on that boat on my way from Navarre to Val Royeaux and I just.. How could I just send a letter..? You were rising so high in the order, your reputation was worth it's weight in gold, you were SOMEBODY and I was just- I didn't want to ruin what you'd been working your whole life for, how could I dare to-” she releases her hair, aggressively wiping her tears along her sleeve as she mutter on.

“We were so careful yet still twice it happened, twice. I'll never regret them, and never have but I couldn't drag you down with me. You had so much potential, THEY have so much potential, but I was just a glorified body guard who was apparently trying to move up the ranks by ‘attempting to seduce you’ to our peers.” She stops her ministrations long enough to finally look at him, the quiet recognition of her words lingering in his eyes.

“Cin, you know I'd never believe the humor of such hearsay,” he whispered.

“It wasn't just about you, or me at that point though. I had bigger concerns, and we both know how nobles respond to such cases. Lead alone the senior watchers at the time, even with the low birth status your abilities made you a high value bachelor for better or worse. If word got out about well,” she gestures vaguely to herself. “Do you truly think they'd just let me be? Lead alone Edwin? It would of been a miracle if they let me keep him, especially when he started showing signs of his affinity for corpse whispering so young..” sighing, she turns and sits down at the foot of the steps. Pressing her forehead into her palms.

“I regret not telling you truly, I have for twenty-eight years, Emmrich. While I stand by the decision that led me to leave, I won't forgive the means I had to take to do it. And you being so ready to receive me despite it, let alone smile at me? I don't deserve it, I just don't.”

With a soft breath he strolls beside her, quick to take a seat next to her as he stares at his desk mindlessly twirling the ring on his thumb.

“You know, I once thought about getting married and settling down. It was after you left of course, but not too long after that banquet if I'm being brutally honest. I threw myself into a new whirlwind romance, and convinced myself this was it. This is that one,” She lifted her head slightly to peer over at him, “Seriously?” she questioned.

“Oh absolutely, barely a month in and I was ready to look at jewelry. I was deluding myself off course, but you know how easily I resign myself to my whims, dearest.” he mused, earning a soft snort from beside him.

“Yes, believe me I remember the desire demon incident very clearly..” she muttered, a soft smile tugging at her features.

“Exactly! Well to what I'm sure will come to you as an utter shock, she was only looking for a temporary connection that summer. She was, and I am quoting her here, ‘up to her ears with art she needed to appraise and didn't have the time.’ A lovely woman despite it, we still exchange letters on certain Navarre paintings that cross her path once a blue moon.” he turned towards her with a coy smile.

“My point however is you truly never know what fate will pull towards or away from you, the only certainty for a lack of better wording is the inevitability of death and all that comes with it. We've both lived enough life to acknowledge that much, and I'm sorry for my lack of poor phrasing earlier.” his body naturally gravitating towards her as he spoke.

“You shouldn't be apologizing for anything, given my childish behavior up to present time I think I should be the one on their knees groveling.” she mused, a familiar teasing edge slipping into her tone.

“While my memory savours the time you spent down on your knees for me darling, I am regretful to be the voice of reason and say this may not be the best time.” he said, voice barely above a whisper as he glances between her eyes and lips slowly.

To say the breath escaped her lungs would be an understatement, as she stared up at him wide eyed entranced by his hazed over gaze.

A sly grin is what he's met with as she regains her senses, “Since when have you cared about reasonable times and places? Or am I remembering our time pressed against the ‘Love in Life and Death’ statue incorrectly?” her hand comes to cup his cheek tentatively, eyes scanning his for any hesitation or reluctance.

Here she finds only a longing smile and a warm hand pressed against hers as he draws her closer.

“I wouldn't dare, be certain the true event was even more remarkable than your memory allows,” he pauses momentarily to bring his face just shy of her lips as he stares her down diligently. “I would however be so bold as to say that whatever you've committed to memory I can readily assure the present reality would surpass even your most vivid recollections.”

Her hand trailed down his neck slowly to his collar pin, undoing it with an ease that can only be chalked to muscle memory as her nose nudged his.

“Such pretty words for such a vulgar sentime-” she began but the creak of the door opening snapped them both away from one another just as quickly as they were drawn in.

“Hey mom you'll never guess who came through the-” Edwin stared at the scene before him with a brief flash of confusion then mortification at the way they looked away from each other. Emmrich's crossed legs and his mother's fidgeting of her hair only sinking the horror deeper.

“Makers tits, nope- NOPE.” Quickly he turned on his heel to yell over the banister, “ILIY, NEXT TIME YOU'RE GOING THROUGH THE DOOR FIRST I REFUSE TO LET THEM RUIN SEX FOR ME”

Following a sign from Hyacinth, a loud snort and hiss echoed from the ground floor that caused Emmrich head to rapidly whip towards.

“Truly you never change do you, Eds?” a unfamiliar voice spoke much to Emmrich's delight and Hyacinth elation as they both bolt upright out the door. There by a very interested Manfred stood what Emmrich could only describe for a lack of a better wording to be, a hyper feminine version of himself poised comfortable on the landing.

23 notes · View notes