#(a lot of the writing and plot beats just also feel kind of... shallow?)

[fortune-maiden]

Finally it looks like we are getting more plot in Tales of Arise! Alphen has a full face again, his memories, and unfortunately for Shionne, his ability to feel pain :(

[helen-with-an-a]

I am an adult pt 6

Hiiiii. I just wanna say thank you so much for everyone's support and love while writing this series - it means so much to me. This part was very easy to write but also emotionally draining ahahaha. Ik I did a poll and a lot of people said they wanted 1 really long fic, but I've split it into 2 halves instead cos it was so long! Also a massive shout out to @lyak12 who helped me a lot with the plot and hyped me up- forehead smooches for u. Anyways, I hope you enjoy.

Part 1 : Part 2 : Part 3 : Part 3.5 : Part 4 : Part 5 : Part 6 : Part 7 : Epilogue

Barça Femeni x reader / Lena Oberdorf x Reader

Description: R faces the consequences of her actions

TW: It's very emotional and hints of R's bad mental health

Word Count: 6.6k

You genuinely had no idea how you ended up at the beach. One moment, you were in the changing rooms with your life falling apart around you – your shattered dreams and splintered relationships crashing to the ground. And then you were on a quiet bench near the sea wall, legs tucked under your chin as you sat silently, broken in so many ways.

The gentle breeze carried the tangy scent of saltwater, mingling with the faint aroma of sunscreen and something fried wafting from a nearby snack stand. The waves relentlessly lapping at the shore rhythmically, the repetitive sound a soothing melody to help you drift away in the stillness. Time seemed to blur as you stared out at the vast expanse of the sea, lost in the chaos that was your mind.

You didn’t need to look up when you felt a presence standing next to you. You felt the bench dip as they sat down, not bothering to speak. You stayed silent for a very long time. You had no idea how long you had been there – minutes, hours, perhaps even longer. But as the bright blue sky began to shift into a blaze of fiery oranges, soft pinks, and deep purples, you realised that it had been long enough for the day to give way to the dark blues of the evening. A lone tear trekked down your cheek; you didn’t bother wiping it away.

“They hate me,” you finally said. You heard your companion sigh quietly, a sound filled with empathy and understanding.

“They’re scared,” Esmee countered, her voice soft and soothing. You didn’t respond, the weight of your thoughts drowning out the gentle reassurances offered.

"I fucked up," you admitted after a few too many minutes, the rawness of your confession cutting through the silence. It was Esmee’s turn to be quiet, her expression a mixture of compassion and thoughtfulness.

“We all make mistakes,” she said after a beat, her words a gentle reminder. Well, that was the most Esmee response ever. You turned to look at her, the fading light casting shadows across her face.

“This was more than just a mistake.” you insisted, your voice sounding weak and far away.

“You were hurt. You needed comfort. Something that you couldn’t find in Barcelona.” Her words hung in the air between you.

“I hurt them,” you said resolutely.

“Yes, you did. But I don’t think you meant to.” You could always count on Esmee to offer the truth. Some people thought she sugar-coated things, but you always found that she just said things in a way that was honest yet kind.

You fell back into silence, both of you looking out to the horizon. You had no thoughts wandering across your mind. No voice in your head or niggling feelings. You were just numb. It could have been minutes or hours; you weren’t sure.

“C’mon. Let’s go.” Esmee encouraged, standing up and offering her hand.

“I, um,” you cleared your throat. “I don’t have my keys or anything.” You looked up at her with big, wide eyes.

“That’s ok,” she smiled.

The silence in the changing rooms was deafening, broken only by the sound of shallow breathing. No one dared move. The only noise was the door clicking softly shut behind you.

“Qué quiso decir? Por qué no le renuevan el contrato?” It was Martina who was brave enough to speak up. Bruna looked up from her intense stare at her boots. All of the younger girls' eyes fell on Alexia. She was their captain, and they needed her to navigate these choppy waters. Alexia blinked. No one had mentioned the possibility of the club not extending your contract. She knew you were able to go on a free at the end of this season, but she had assumed you would sign for Barça again, at least for a year or so. When she had seen those pictures of you in Germany, she thought something had looked a little off. Even through the pixels, you looked so … distant. You clearly did not look comfortable there. At first, she chalked it up to nerves about meeting your new teammates and guilt that you were caught in the act. But now … now she wasn’t so sure. There was a tightness to your face, your usually bright and animated eyes looked clouded, and a subtle sadness in your posture.

“N-no sé.” Alexia breathed, clearly dazed.

“Ella no puede irse.” Vicky insisted. You and Vicky had a unique bond, one that often drove the older girls insane with your misbehaviour.

“She doesn’t have a choice.” Kiera reminded her softly, bringing an arm up to comfort the youngster. “A club doesn’t have to offer anyone an extension if they don’t want to, for whatever reason. Y/N has to leave Barcelona if she wants to play football next season.” Keira had always been a voice of reason in the team; she always had an great understanding of the dynamics at play both on and off the pitch.

“Pero … por qué?” Vicky looked around.

“I’m not sure,” Keira answered honestly.

“Ella no se está transfiriendo?”

“Not willingly,” Keira smiled weakly.

It wasn’t until you stepped through Esmee’s front door that you realised you'd never actually been to her place before. You weren’t the best of friends; she usually hung out with Aitana, Ingrid, and Frido – the quieter girls on the team, quite the contrast to the lively bunch you, Cata, Pina, and Ona could be. Her flat was distinctly Esmee: neat and tidy but with a warm, inviting atmosphere. The shelves were littered with pictures of friends and family, and the walls were filled with colourful art. Her couch looked cosy, with a soft green throw draped artistically over the back. “Do you want some tea?” she asked kindly, smiling as she gestured to the kitchen. You returned her smile with a soft nod. Why was she being so nice to you? You had been a raging arsehole and deserved nothing but the harsh words Lucy had hurled your way.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I told the others you’re with me,” she said apologetically, handing you a steaming mug. You nodded again, your heart sinking a little. “They aren’t going to come round, at least not tonight.” Was Esmee a mind reader? How else would she know you were anxious about them coming over?

“How did you find me?” You asked sometime later. It had stumbled across your mind when she first appeared next to you.

“You mentioned that you like to go to the beach to think.” Have you mentioned that? “After training, I drove along the front until I saw you.”

You stared into your refilled mug; the steam curled upwards and danced in front of you. “I didn’t know you knew that,” you murmured. “I didn’t think anyone knew that.” It was true; you don’t think you had ever mentioned the long walks along the beach you liked to take in the early hours when you couldn’t sleep. The fresh air helped clear your mind, the movement of your body helped to get the blood flowing again, and the peaceful nature helped soothe your soul.

Esmee shrugged, a gentle smile on her lips. “I notice people.” Her words hung in the air between you, warm and comforting like the tea you held. You glanced up at her, feeling a flicker in your chest.

“Thank you,” you whispered sincerely. She nodded back at you, settling back against the sofa, sipping on her own mug.

Ona was conflicted. On one hand, she was immensely relieved that you were safe. You weren’t lying dead in a ditch somewhere or injured and in a coma, unable to identify yourself to anyone. The scenarios that had been playing in her mind for days were far worse than the reality. She had been losing sleep, haunted by the fear that something terrible had happened to you. Knowing you were okay was a weight off her shoulders. But on the other hand, a heavy sense of betrayal gnawed at her. You hadn't trusted her enough to tell her anything. She thought about all the times you had confided in each other, sharing secrets and dreams and comforting each other during tough times. She was your best friend, the one who had always been there for you. And yet, you ran a thousand miles away without a word, without a hint of where you were going or why.

The hurt she felt was deep and raw. How could you not have trusted her with your plans? Why didn't you believe she would understand or help you through this? Her mind swirled with questions and doubts, each one cutting deeper than the last. She wanted to be happy that you were safe, but the sting of your secrecy made it hard to fully embrace that relief. The bond you shared felt strained, and she couldn’t shake the feeling of abandonment.

And now you had disappeared again. When she finally stepped foot on the pitch, she had thought you would have been there too, waiting for training to start. But you were nowhere to be found. Ona scanned the field, her eyes darting from one familiar face to another, hoping to catch a glimpse of you. Her heart sank with each passing moment. The coach blew the whistle, signalling the start of practice, but her mind was elsewhere. She couldn't focus, the worry gnawing at her insides. It must have been one of the worst training sessions she had had in a long time.

She had broken one of Alexia’s steadfast rules – no phones at training. Ona checked her phone obsessively, hoping for a message or a missed call from you. Nothing. The knot in her stomach tightened. She wondered if something had happened again or if you had chosen to vanish this time without a trace, leaving everyone behind to worry and speculate. Her phone buzzed.

Esmee: I’ve found her. She’s safe. I’ll bring her back to mine when she’s ready. E

She could have cried. She was fairly sure she had. Relief washed over her, mingling with the painful ache of betrayal. At least you were safe, and that was the most important thing. As she stood there, clutching her phone, Ona resolved to be patient. She would give you the space you needed, but she would also be there, ready to listen, when you were finally ready to talk.

You woke up the next morning in just as much of a daze. It took you a moment to realise you were on Esmee’s couch, the unfamiliar surroundings disorienting you even further. You hadn’t slept well. You tossed and turned as much as possible on the small couch, the spare bedding Esmee gave you tucked up around your chin. When you did sleep, it wasn’t much better; the nightmares that your mind dreamed up made you even more tired than before.

The quiet chatter from the kitchen pulled you from your not-quite sleep. “That’s up to her to say, Mapí,” Esmee said softly. You could imagine her face, the small apologetic smile and pinched eyebrows.

“Pero... sólo quiero saber, por qué? Ella de dijo algo anoche?” Mapí implored further. Of course, Mapí would be grilling Esmee. You could see her arms moving around as she spoke.

“Min skjønnhet, stop bugging Esmee” Ingrid cut in. You could envisage Ingrid’s soft smile and gentle hand moving comfortingly across Mapí’s shoulders.

“No, mi corazón. Necesito saber por qué se fue del puto país en lugar de hablar con nosotras.” she all but shouted, a guilty look flashing across her face as she registered her volume.

“María.” You didn’t need to be in the room to see Ingrid’s unimpressed look.

“Mapí, I’m not going to betray her trust like that. I found her, I took her home, she stayed the night. Ask her yourself.” You had never heard Esmee sound so tough. Your heart swelled at the thought of her protecting you. Sitting up slowly, you rubbed the sleep from your eyes and listened more intently.

Mapí sighed, the sound of a chair scraping back as she sat down. “Aunque estoy muy enojado con ella. No creo que pueda hablar con ella sin gritar.”

“I know,” Ingrid reassured her, her voice softer now but still firm.

You took a deep breath, gathering the courage to finally face them. The floor felt cool beneath your feet as you walked towards the kitchen, the soft murmurs of their conversation growing louder.  As you entered the kitchen, three pairs of eyes turned to you. For a moment, no one spoke. The air was thick with unspoken words and raw emotions. Mapí stood up, her movements hesitant. “Por qué te fuiste sin decir nada?” Her voice was trembling, and you could see the effort it took for her to keep her tone steady.

You swallowed hard, trying to find your voice. “I...” you took a deep breath. “I don’t know. I just needed out,” you confessed.

“Y pensaste que desaparecer sin decir una palabra era la mejor manera de hacerlo.?” Mapí’s frustration was evident, her hands clenching into fists at her sides. You had no words. You had no reason, no excuse for your behaviour.

Ingrid stepped forward, her face a mask of disappointment. “Do you have any idea what you put us through? We were worried sick, thinking something terrible had happened to you.”

“No puedes simplemente huir de tus problemas y dejar que nosotros recogamos los pedazos.” Mapí added

Tears welled up in your eyes as you looked at each of them, their disappointment bearing down on you, crushing you. You had never felt so small, so utterly ashamed of yourself.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, the words barely audible through your tears. “I never meant to hurt any of you. I was just... overwhelmed. I didn’t know what else to do.”

“We understand that you were struggling, but that doesn’t excuse what you did. We’re your friends, and we deserve better than to be left in the dark like that.” Ingrid sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “We care about you, but you need to understand that your actions have consequences. You can’t just expect us to forgive and forget.”

“I don’t expect you to.” You refused to meet her eyes, gaze fixed firmly on the tabletop. “I really am sorry,” you whispered out, blinking rapidly to try to stop the tears. Feeling the weight of their words settling heavily on your shoulders, you knew you had a long road ahead of you, one filled with apologies and making amends.

Alexia couldn’t allow herself to feel all the emotions she was feeling. She had to be the strong one, for the team, the one who held everyone together when everything seemed to be falling apart. But deep down, behind the facade of strength she presented to the world, she was crumbling. Fear, anger, and grief churned inside her, threatening to consume her whole. She wanted to scream, to cry, to lash out at the unfairness of it all. But she couldn’t. She had to keep it together ... for the sake of those who depended on her.

Her training was one of the best she had ever done. She focused solely on the ball at her feet. Her passes were stronger, her shoots were faster, her tackles harsher. Each movement was driven by a mix of determination and frustration. Yet, no matter how much she threw herself into her sport, the ache in her heart remained. The weight of your absence hung heavy in the air, a constant reminder of the betrayal she felt. You had received some terrible news. News that had blindsided you into fleeing the country. And you hadn’t confided in her. That was what made her the most … angry wasn’t the right word. Sure, she was so incredibly angry with you for running away. Even when you had all the legal trouble last year, she had never been this angry with you. But now that anger mixed with pain. You had begged her, pleaded with her to treat you more like an adult. And the first thing you had done when times had gotten tough you had acted like a child. Rather than asking for help, reaching out to those around you … those who loved you like family … you had fled. No word, no explanation, no nothing. You left. You left the team. You left her.

As she sat in the solitude of her car, the weight of your actions bore down on her like a heavy burden. The betrayal cut deep, slicing through the layers of friendship and trust she had built with you over the years. She wanted to understand, to offer you comfort and support in your time of need. But the hurt ran too deep, leaving behind a bitter taste of resentment and disappointment. How could you have kept such a monumental thing from her? Had she made you think you couldn’t come to her? Why? Why? Why? The questions swirled in her mind, unanswered and unresolved, adding to the confusion already in her heart.

Esmee graciously drove you back to the training ground to retrieve your belongings. Grateful that it was only an afternoon session, you silently thanked the heavens for the deserted car park. It was eerie, walking through the silent corridors and into the empty changing rooms. You tried very hard to not think about the events of yesterday, focusing on the speckled flooring and the wooden benches as you dug through your bag to get your keys. You would be back that afternoon, so the kit could stay in your locker for now. Your phone was dead, unsurprisingly, but you knew Lena would have spammed you in the meantime.

Returning home felt surreal. Evidence of someone's presence lingered—dishwasher humming, blankets neatly folded. The thought of Ona or Alexia, perhaps tidying in anticipation of your return, tugged at your heart. The house, once brimming with life, now felt suffocatingly empty. Each room echoed with your absence, the memories of laughter and warmth now hauntingly distant. Moving through the familiar spaces, you felt like a ghost, your steps muted by the plush carpet beneath you. Every corner held a fragment of the life you would have to leave behind, each one a bittersweet reminder of what once was. Yet, as you moved from room to room, a sense of disconnection enveloped you, as if you were a stranger peering into a life that no longer belonged to you.

Your phone buzzed, and buzzed, and buzzed. Lena’s texts were coming through.

L💚: How was it?

L💚: Did u speak to them?

L💚: Is everything ok?

L💚: Schatz?

Missed call from L💚

L💚: Helloooooooo

L💚: Schatz?

Missed call from L💚

Missed call from L💚

L💚: Ur really scaring me

L💚: Schatz ????

Missed call from L💚

Missed call from L💚

L💚: Please

Missed call from L💚

L💚: Bitte

Missed call from L💚

Missed call from L💚

L💚: WHY THE FUCK HAS ALEXIA JUST TEXTED ME TO TELL ME U DIDN’T TELL THEM U WERE IN GERMANY????????

L💚: PLEASE TELL ME U TOLD THEM U HAD LEFT THE FUCKING COUNTRY

L💚: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

Missed call from L💚

Missed call from L💚

Missed call from L💚

L💚: Y/N !!!!!!!

Missed call from L💚

Missed call from L💚

Missed call from L💚

Missed call from L💚

L💚: ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE

Missed call from L💚

Missed call from L💚

L💚: PHONE ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!

The last message dated from only 30 minutes ago.

Incoming call from L💚

“Schatz, what the actual fuck?” Lena almost shouted down, the Facetime picking up her distress.

“I … I …” you felt a tear escape. “Fuck,” you said, harshly wiping it away.

“This makes me look so bad. Do you get that?” You did get that. To the team, she was now the girlfriend that aided and abetted your horrific actions. “I know. And I’m so, so sorry, Leibe,” you whispered, your voice breaking with emotion.

“Why? Why didn’t you tell them?” she questioned again.

“I wasn’t thinking. I needed … out. I needed to get away. And it was all so fast and …” your explanation trailed off, a weak defense against her justified questioning.

"That's not good enough, Schatz. They're your friends. Did you think they wouldn't care? Did you think they wouldn't help? I'm trying to understand," Lena's tone softened slightly.

“I don’t know,” you admitted. “I fucked up massively. And I have no explanation for any of it.”

Lena let out a frustrated sigh, her features creased with concern. “You can't run away from your problems, Schatz.”

“I know,” you said, the guilt weighing heavily on your heart. “And I promise I'll do better. I'll make things right, I swear.”

“Wirst du das tun, wenn wir jemals streiten? Wirst du auch einfach verschwinden?” Lena's voice trembled with uncertainty, her fear palpable.

“No, never,” you replied immediately, the sincerity in your voice echoing through the connection. “I won't ever leave you. I promise, Lena. I love you.” Lena scrutinised you for a moment, searching for truth in your eyes. Finally, a glimmer of hope flickered in hers.

“Okay ... just promise me you won't shut me out like that. We're supposed to be a team, remember?” Lena implored. You nodded earnestly. “And make this right with the team. You can’t leave like this, especially not with Ona and Alexia.”

Lucy's fury surged like a tidal wave, threatening to engulf her and everything around her. Never before had she felt such a consuming anger, a tempest of emotions raging within her. How dare you, she seethed inwardly, her clenched fists trembling with unrestrained fury. The words reverberated in her mind like a relentless echo, each syllable fuelling the fire of her indignation.

The betrayal cut deep, slicing through the bonds of trust with surgical precision. How could you drop that absolute bomb of information on the team and then just leave? The question echoed in Lucy's mind, a refrain of disbelief and betrayal. Her chest heaved with the unspoken words, the air thick with the tension of unresolved anger.

Every fibre of Lucy's being screamed for justice, for retribution against you, who had callously shattered their trust. The image of Ona’s face burned in her mind like a brand, a scar etched into her memory. She had looked so scared, so fragile and raw. But beneath the raging storm of anger, there lurked a profound sense of hurt, a painful vulnerability that threatened to consume her. How could you do that to everyone? Did they mean nothing to you? Did Ona mean so little to you? The wounds of betrayal ran deep. Lucy found herself adrift in a sea of conflicting emotions, struggling to make sense of the chaos that had engulfed their once-unified team. The anger burned hot and fierce, a relentless inferno that threatened to consume her from within.

The changing rooms didn’t hold their usual pre-session chatter. There wasn’t a loud, bright atmosphere as people greeted each other and slipped into their workout gear. There was no gentle undercurrent of excitement for the day. Instead, it was spookily silent. A few low murmurs were uttered here and there as people passed, but there was no conversation, no high-fives, or laughter.

You had arrived at training early, hoping to avoid any awkwardness. As you entered, the stillness was almost suffocating. Mariona was the only other person there, her cubby positioned directly opposite yours. You both went about your routines in an awkward dance of avoidance, her presence a constant reminder of the tension that now defined the space. Seeking refuge, you slipped into the bathroom, deliberately taking longer than usual. The routine tasks of washing your hands, tying back your hair, and applying suncream felt almost meditative, a brief respite from the silence that awaited you.

Moving like passing ships in the night, you and Mariona drifted around each other, the silence punctuated only by the rustle of clothes and the soft thud of locker doors.

“Entiendo,” Mariona said suddenly, breaking the silence. Her voice was calm but firm, and your head whipped up in surprise. Her words hit you with the force of a confession, their gravity making you feel like she had just admitted to something far more serious. “I understand … I’m terrified, and I’m leaving voluntarily.” The admission hung in the air, starkly contrasting the heavy silence from earlier. “I can’t imagine what it's like for you.” A lump formed in your throat as you struggled to find the right words.

"I didn’t mean to hurt anyone," you whispered, your voice barely audible. The weight of your words was palpable, each syllable a testament to the regret you felt.

Mariona’s eyes softened, but the tension remained. “Yo sé eso.” You nodded at her words. Your mouth opened to say more, but you were interrupted by the door swinging open and Irene, Marta and Caro walking through the door. You snapped your mouth shut, dipping your head down and turning back to face your locker.

The trio's arrival brought with it a fresh wave of awkwardness. Their conversation, though low and cautious, filled the room with an attempt at normalcy. You focused on your locker, trying to steady your breathing, feeling the weight of their glances. Irene, always perceptive, gave you a fleeting look of concern but said nothing. Marta and Caro exchanged glances, sensing the tension but unsure how to address it.

Slowly, the rest of the team trickled in. It was obvious that you would be participating in this session in silence. No one made a move to talk to you, to even greet you. Not until they had the all-clear from Alexia. You waited until you were one of the final few in the room. Turning, you caught sight of Ona and Lucy whispering in the corner. Ona’s face was still slightly puffy, her eyes still red as she picked at her nails. Lucy’s lips were pressed into a thin, hard line, the corners turned downward in a scowl, her eyes flicking in your direction occasionally. Her body was taut, every muscle seemingly coiled and ready to spring. Shoulders squared and rigid, she stood with a stance that was both defensive and confrontational. Her hands balled into tight fists and trembled slightly with the force of her suppressed rage. Her breath was measured as if she was struggling to maintain control and not let the anger consume her entirely. You hurried out of the room, rushing to leave the couple to their conversation.

The training session was one of the most awkward and painful things you had ever experienced. You stood quietly, tucked away at the end of the line, as Jona started the warmups. Trying to avoid drawing any attention to yourself, you focused intensely on the basics: placing one foot in front of the other, the rhythm of your breathing, the movement of your body. You hoped this would keep your mind occupied and distract you from the palpable tension around you.

When it came time for partner work, you found yourself lingering silently, waiting for a few uncomfortable moments before turning to the trainers. With an odd number of outfield players, someone had to be paired with one of the staff. Today, it seemed like that someone would be you. It wasn't the arrangement itself that bothered you; rather, it was the underlying implications. There was an air of exclusion that hung heavy in the atmosphere, making you feel like an outsider in what was supposed to be a team activity. The most unbearable part of it all was the not-so-subtle looks being thrown your way. It was clear that people were talking about you during the water breaks. Jana would frequently glance in your direction, only to be slapped on the arm by Pina as if reminding her to be discreet. Vicky appeared to take a tentative step toward you, possibly to offer some form of solidarity but was quickly redirected by Bruna, who nudged her in another direction. These interactions left you feeling isolated and self-conscious. Every whispered conversation, every sideways glance, seemed to amplify your sense of alienation. You could almost hear the silent judgments. This wasn't just a training session; it was a stark reminder of your outsider status, of how much damage you had done.

The scrimmage at the end was no better. Thankfully, Jona had made the teams for the final 7 v 7. Was it karma that he had placed you on the left wing with Lucy as the opposing right-back? Maybe. But you couldn’t deny that you deserved every shove, every tackle that she gave you. She seemed to be toeing the line between unprofessionalism carefully. She never left a lasting mark on you, but you could tell each push was personal.

As the exercise progressed, Lucy's aggression became more evident. She was relentless, pressing you harder than she did anyone else on the field. Each time she shouldered you off the ball or slid in with a perfectly timed tackle, you could feel the underlying animosity. It wasn’t just about winning the ball; it was about sending a message. If it were a normal day, a day when you hadn’t messed up so unbelievably badly, you would have shoved back or shouted a little. But you couldn’t do that. Today, you were paying for your mistakes, and Lucy was more than willing to collect.

So, you took it. Every time you were sent to the ground, you didn’t question it. You didn’t wait for the whistle to be blown or hope that someone would extend a hand to help you back up. Instead, you popped back up, shook yourself off, and continued like nothing was wrong like your whole life wasn't crumbling around you. Each time you hit the grass, the sting of the impact seemed to echo your emotional bruises. But you refused to show it. You forced yourself to remain strong. You could break down again later. You pushed through the scrimmage with grim determination, aware of the eyes on you, aware of the judgment, but unwilling to give anyone the satisfaction of seeing you break.

Despite the bruises and the rough treatment, you managed to stay on your feet more than you had thought you would do. You moved through the motions, running up and down the small pitch, crossing balls into the box, and tracking back on defence. But every action felt hollow, your mind a swirl of what-ifs and if-onlys. The final whistle came as a relief, yet also with a sense of dread. You knew the real battle was far from over. As Jona dismissed you for the day, you helped the trainers collect the equipment, hoping to delay your return and allow the others time to leave peacefully.

As you walked through the main doors back into the building, you noticed Alexia. Standing strong and unimpressed, leaning against the wall. You went to speak but thought better of it, nodding once and smiling uneasily instead. As you moved to walk past her, she stopped you, a warm hand wrapping around your wrist.

“Nosotras necesitamos hablar.” Her voice was sharp, a firmness that was hardly ever directed at you … not since the trouble from last year. You nodded, your voice unable to work.

You followed her through the maze of corridors until you reached a seldom-used meeting room. Was it a coincidence that it was the same room you had the meeting with the State Officials in and first told them about Lena? Maybe, but you wouldn’t put it past Alexia to have chosen it specifically. “Sentarse.” Her voice held a harshness to it that cut through you like a knife. You deserve this. You deserve this. You hurt her. You hurt everyone.

“Since you wanted to be treated like an adult, we will talk like adults.” You nodded. God, why couldn’t you speak? It wasn’t like you hadn’t been in trouble before. Maybe it was because this was such a personal mistake. When you hadn’t completed the forms on time, yes, it had been your fault as you were the person responsible, but there was a somewhat clear-cut way to fix it. It was laid out for you. But this … this was something you needed to navigate like an adult. No one was going to help you this time.

Alexia pointed to a chair, and she pulled out her own. “Explicar.” Her command was simple, really. But where could you begin? Where should you start? You were clearly taking too long. Alexia huffed, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow at you. You sank into the chair, feeling the weight of her gaze bearing down on you. How could you explain the mess you had made? The knots in your stomach tightened as you struggled to find the right words. Despite your best efforts, your breath quickened, and your fingers had a mind of their own as they started to pick at the dry skin around your nails.

"I... I don't … I don’t know … where to start," you finally admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. Alexia's expression softened ever slightly, but her impatience was palpable. She had never seen you look so young. Even when you were in the hell that was the legal trouble last year, or the wide-eyed teen that turned up on her doorstep at the request of the club, with a single suitcase and a dream.

"Just start from the beginning," she urged, her tone imperceptively gentler now. You took a deep breath, trying to steady your nerves.

“I got a phone call from Paul … my agent,” you swallowed, staring harshly into the table, refusing to meet Alexia’s eye or even look in her general direction. “He said he had just got back from a meeting with the club.” You stuck to the facts, no emotions, no elaborations, just facts. You couldn’t … wouldn’t … cry if you stuck to the simple facts. “He said they couldn’t afford to keep me next season.” You stopped.

It was clear to Alexia that that was as much as you could say about the situation without breaking. You were so similar in that way. Both of you refused to cry in front of someone else, not unless you were truly comfortable and perfectly safe around them. Did you not feel safe around her anymore? Had she broken your relationship? No, she stopped those thoughts in their tracks. You had broken the relationship, you, not her … then why did she feel like she was to blame, at least partially?

Alexia watched you carefully, her heart aching at the sight of your pain. She wanted to reach out ... to comfort you. No. She held herself back. She knew that now wasn't the time for softness, not when there were hard truths that needed to be faced. “What about Germany?” Her voice was still icy, cutting through the heavy silence like a knife. What about Germany? Germany was where Lena was. Germany was safe. Germany had Lena. You took another steadying breath, pushing down everything that was threatening to overwhelm you.

“Lena phoned me. She said either I went to her or she came to me. She had the Pokal final, so I went to her.” Another pause. “I needed to think. To breathe. To …” you trailed off. You let out a shaky breath, swallowing the lump in your throat.

“Todavía no entiendo.” She admitted after a moment. You nodded, biting your lip so hard that you started to taste blood. A tear plopped onto the wooden table in front of you, another one joining quickly afterwards. “Por qué … why didn’t you tell someone? Anyone?” Alexia's question pierced through the haze of your thoughts, demanding an answer you weren't sure you had. Why hadn’t you done that? You honestly had no explanation for it. You just needed out. Out of your house. Out of Barcelona. Out of Spain. Every time you looked at your phone, all the emotions came flooding back like a tsunami. So, you didn’t look.

“I don’t know,” you croaked, your voice barely audible over the sound of your own racing heartbeat.

“Eso no es lo suficientemente bueno.” Alexia's words were severe, a reminder that there would never be a good enough reason to justify your actions. You knew that. You knew that there would never be an excuse that could erase the hurt you had caused. You nodded. “Mírame,” she demanded after a moment. Your head remained down, but your eyes drifted up.

Alexia looked in pain. Not the physical pain – you had seen the uncomfortable look she had when she had tweaked her knee again or the scrunch of her eyebrows when an opposing player left her mark on her. This was different. This was emotional pain, etched into the lines of her face, shadowing the brightness of her eyes. As you watched her struggle to contain her emotions, the guilt pierced your heart tenfold. Your actions had caused her pain ... had shattered the fragile peace she had worked so hard to maintain. “Por qué no viniste a mí?” Once she asked that initial question, the floodgates opened. “No querías que te ayudara? I could have done something. I could have spoken to the club or something, anything. Em culpes?” She finished her sentence in Catalan. She thought you blamed her? You didn’t know what to say. The dam broke. Hot, fat tears rolled in a steady stream down your face.

“Never, Alexia. Never. I never, ever blamed you. I promise. It’s not your fault. It’s on me, it’s all on me. I’m not good enough for the club. For anyone. Of course, they want to renew you and Lucy over me. You deserve it so much more than me. This isn’t anyone’s fault but mine.” It was a mismatch of languages. Some sentences in English, some in Spanish and Catalan, and others in German. “I fucked up so badly. I don’t even know what I was thinking. I … I couldn’t ... I needed to … I don’t even know. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. You don’t deserve any of this. I fucked up so horrifically.” Alexia had never seen you so upset. It was clear she needed to intervene when she noticed your breathing quickening. You were hyperventilating now, apologies still streaming from your mouth. With a gentle hand, she reached out and placed it on your trembling shoulder. She didn’t think you even noticed it.

“Cariño. Breathe.” She instructed. Eventually, you slowed down, your breathing and heart rate returning to a more normal level. “Thank you for apologising,” she said when you had fully calmed down. “I’m not going to lie and say that I’m not hurt. And I’m not quite ready to forgive you. But I think there is more to this story than just you. You should not have been blindsided like that by the club. But your actions …” You nodded.

“I truly am sorry, Ale, um, Alexia.” You really wanted to hug her, but you knew you weren’t quite forgiven enough for that yet. She stood, offering a weak smile to you as she left the room, leaving you to your own thoughts.

I hope you enjoyed <3<3<3<3

[blue-grama]

The Sign finale probably should have disappointed me, but... didn't?

It's been a heck of a run lately with Thai BLs that haven't quite stuck the landing, and it's got me pondering why The Sign worked for me despite sometimes feeling like a storyboard for a longer, better show.

I don't think they pulled off the emotional payoff they needed, despite that last reunion scene being so pretty and well-acted, simply because too much happened offscreen, from Khem's recovery from a gunshot wound to the entire multlifetime Tharn/Chalothon dynamic getting resolved without us seeing any of it. But somehow I wasn't that mad about it? And ultimately I think it's because this show did so many things well and so many things I'd love to see more of that I'm just like, yep, I enjoyed that ride sirs, please show me something this gorgeous again. In that sense it's joining something like Manner of Death or Kinnporsche where it's like, plot holes? Yes. Bizarre tonal shifts? Absolutely. Occasionally insane writing choices? Uh-huh. Love it anyway? You betcha. So here's what really, really worked for me:

Premise

I am always going to be onboard with QL that isn't solely coming-of-age or coming out. I'm not against those stories, of course, but give me gay romance with adult characters who know themselves and are doing adult things. I'm also a partisan for romances with high external stakes, so the mixture of crime and reincarnation was catnip to me.

Do I care that none of this training makes any sense? No.

2. Setting

Listen. Is The Sign the reason I have a document on my laptop titled "Imaginary trip to Thailand without ever seeing a beach?" Not exactly. But it's also not not the reason.

I am being willingly manipulated by the Thai Tourism Authority.

Kidding, kidding, but I do love when my Thai shows feel Thai or my Korean shows feel Korean, etc etc. I want to be driven to Wikipedia to learn more! Half the fun of watching stuff from not your own country.

3. Chemistry

I think @biochemjess covered what was underwritten about the romance in The Sign. Billy and Babe carried it on their backs and it was hard to dislike their romance, even when the series skipped over key beats.

Any time the pink lighting came out, you were gonna be in for a good time.

4. The camerawork

I don't know enough about film to speak intelligently about this, but the camerawork and aesthetics of this show were just so lovely to watch. It was really doing a lot. @chaos0pikachu wrote about it better than I ever could.

LOVED THIS. LOVED IT. So good.

We had some really lovely storytelling and visual parallels, too, like the first episode and finale both having a big action warehouse scene, or the multiple times that Phaya and Tharn ended up overlooking the Mekong river.

5. It was always kinda off the rails

I know some people felt this show started out with a strong premise and didn't live up to it, but I gotta say, I didn't have that experience. It was always kinda a bonkers watch for me. There were long training montages, random bodies in the shallows, missing genitals, extended performance art, that comedy flashback to Khem and Thongthai's college years... I never knew what I was going to get each Saturday. And I kind of loved that? I'm into unhinged. I was comparing this in my head to Last Twilight, which did disappoint me in the end, and I think it's because Last Twilight was NOT always bonkers and DID set itself up to tell a straighforward story, then dropped the ideas it had been juggling in the last episode. The Sign always felt chaotic to me, so a chaotic ending was par for the course. This is where I'd compare it to KinnPorsche, which had the weirdest fucking ending, but like, okay??? Why not!

End result? I see the flaws, but I'm giving this show tender forehead kisses anyway. Here's hoping for more like it.

[wordsandrobots]

On reflection, I think quitting 86 EIGHT-SIX because the subtitles wheeled out an actual Nazi slogan is as good a reason as any not to write anything in-depth about it, so I'll simply summarise my thoughts about being recommended this anime as something in the same vein as Mobile Suit Gundam: Iron-Blooded Orphans.

It's not.

There are broad aesthetic similarities but where IBO is a tragedy, the plot driven by characters' flawed reactions to bad circumstances, 86 -- at least for much of its first season -- falls more into the region of moral horror. That is, the horror of being stuck within a society entirely at odds with your personal morals. In this mode, it's quite effective, particularly when using small victories to highlight the wider, inescapable nature of the situation.

Unfortunately, from my perspective, 86's second season promptly drops any pretence of having anything other than a standard heroic arc, ditching the implication of a crushingly cyclical conflict and also any sense of real stakes for the protagonists. Given the show is an adaptation, I'm not sure where to place blame for that. Frankly I'm not inclined to delve further to find out. Within a horror context, the juvenile fantasy racism that forms the impetus behind the characters' struggles isn't a particular flaw. The emotional beats land despite the details. But with the horror elements becoming mere obstacles to be overcome, it's just asinine. This is a world where the major act of exterminationist racism is prompted by an AI apocalypse scenario, and the oppressed peoples are afforded no deeper identity than simply not being blue-eyed and silver-haired.

(In case it's not fully clear what I mean by that, the anime spends zero screen-time on non-conscripted District 86 people. There's no sense of a culture being obliterated by the official policy that stripped them of their personhood, nor of what remains to be saved should that policy be overturned.)

Again I can't say if this comes from the adaptation or the original light novels. It's a fairly brief anime that, in fairness, makes the most of the space it gets. But we circle back around to where I started. At best, the sense I get is of a piece of fiction existing within something akin to the 'imperial anti-imperialism' framework of, say, Code:Geass (or War of the Worlds, if you want the classic British example of the type). At worse -- well, suffice to say 86 is now something I won't recommend to anyone, ever.

It's also just not particularly good, in my opinion. Outside the horror elements, the characters feel extremely stock, lacking interesting details or nuance. There's nothing like IBO's thematic tightness and 86 certainly bears no relation to real-life child soldiers. What it does in this regard is not utterly divorced from reality, but it's framed in terms of conscription, not the reasons kids get drawn into fighting in the situations we usually mean when we say 'child soldier'.

The most positive thing I took from thirteen episodes of 86 is a fresh appreciation for how 'mecha anime' functions as an aesthetic genre, often obscuring narrative genre. If you enjoyed what IBO does, I doubt you'll find much to chew on in 86. Even setting aside its comparative shallowness, it's not remotely the same kind of story.

Anyway. Don't like spending words on stuff I didn't enjoy, but PSA for anybody who gets recommended 86 off the back of IBO: its subtitles have Nazi shit in them, and you won't be missing much by not watching it.

If you can, go dig out Fafner in the Azure instead. I know I rave about IBO a lot but Fafner is by far and away the best mecha anime I have ever watched. While also not a tragedy, it's an exceptional, heart-breaking story framed around war with an 'unknowable' alien horde, that unfolds into a deeply sincere exploration of what it means to fight in defence of home and community.

[gammagoop]

my recent fixation has been the wings of fire book series since ive been rereading it, which i feel is not very related to any of my other interests and so i havent posted much about it. but i literally have “post whatever i want” in my bio so i’m not going to let the whims of an audience stop me any longer

all that to say heres some of my series opinions in the form of tierlists

(not including 3rd arc bc i havent gotten there on my reread and i dont remember it very well)

character tierlist! (added the legends: darkstalker characters manually since they weren’t in the tiermaker version)

notes:

mightyclaws is my background character fave. category 10 glup shitto event

i need to do a long post on how much i love whiteout. another day

i realy like clay in the first book and if he retained the same level of depth throughout the series he would be in the top tier-- its just that his writing makes him so shallow in the rest of the books it makes me so sad :[ i was listening (audiobook) to hidden kingdom and like. 90% of his lines/actions were about food and the other 10% were about protecting the other dragonets..... i related so much to his anxiety in the first book and his empathy and his ability to see both sides of things... gah. sad.

jambu is also one of my glup shittos. i love his whimsical ass

foeslayer is a hard one for me because she never did anything wrong she's just..... not as present as i wish she was. she's treated as a very vital character with how many large plot points hinge on her, but she doesnt have much agency herself. its stated a lot that she's extremely important to darkstalker but in the legends book we dont see much of them interacting? idk. i like her but she always feels so uninvolved

the 'beat you to death (funny)' tier is just for characters who i like on some level but are also pathetic and worms. out of that tier i like deathbringer the best and mastermind the worst

tier after that are for characters who i have a positive opinion on but not really a strong one. anemone and sora are more complicated, but i do generally like them. i really just feel bad for them if anything. i think i like clearsight more than the other characters in this tier, but she's not in the 'wonderful :D' tier because i dont think she has a very strong personality

the 'conflicting feelings' tier is kind of a trainwreck because it means a lot of things

obviously riptide is the outlier since he hasnt done anything nearly to the degrees of coral, glacier, and albatross-- but i do have conflicting feelings on him. riptide is completely inoffensive, hasn't done anything wrong, i just dont like him because he has no real reason to be in the story. like you could write him out very easily. his only purpose is to be a love interest for tsunami which is like...... gh. dude. she doesnt need one. if she's gonna have a romance it should come naturally. not "wow this seawing is handsome and also he's the first one ive properly met as well as a guy do im in love with him now" like girl do better

coral and glacier both have done bad things and obviously have bad intentions but also.... theyre not the worst. bad but not the worst.

albatross is a victim of emotional abuse and even though that doesnt justify his actions it does explain how they could have been negated

next 3 tiers are self-explanatory. i forgot to put her on there but queen vigilance goes in 'the grime beneath my shoe'

actually no i wanna talk about scarlet and battlewinner: i think the thing that i like about them is their theatrics. they bot have such a huge presence, like a disney villain. whenever i read scarlet dialogue it almost feels poorly written with how over-the-top she is but. no other character talks like that. its just how scarlet is. and i think thats so good. whereas battlewinner's situation conceptually is just cool as hell. i love how she struggles to speak because of the ice in her throat, her rage, the way she's hinted at but her reveal is completely unexpected...... very very good

no one likes morrowseer

when im in an emotional abuse and classism competition and my opponent is queen lagoon 😧

ship tierlist! (made on ms paint since i couldnt find any good ones on tiermaker. turned out to be nice since i can mess with the placement more)

notes:

top tier is /j i just dont really like how tui writes romance

i was kind of against glorybringer at first for the same reason i dont like tsunami/riptide but honestly it grew on me. their dynamic is so fun

anemome/tamarin is good i just think tamarin could do better if she wanted to. but i understand the "i can fix her" mentality and i do genuinely think tamarin could help anemone

sunny/fatespeaker is kind of a funny concept but also i can totally see it

i genuinely forgot turtlejou was a thing in canon ... it does not make sense to me. who came up with this. in the words of my friend "forced heterosexual on both parts tbh"

i love turtle and peril as friends so so so much if i saw someone romantically shipping them i feel like i could get mad

smolder/thorn is like if glorybringer was bad. mostly just because thorn can do way better than him. smolder and vermilion should kiss each other and bond over being wimp princes who havent actually done anything wrong themselves but bow to tyrant relatives to avoid getting killed

i dont know if this will be an unpopular take but clay and peril is such an awful ship. i like them as friends, i think theyre great as friends, but a romantic relationship between them would be so deeply unhealthy considering their situation. peril would be even more dependent and attached to him than she already is, and clay is not the kind of dragon who has an easy time saying 'no' to things. it would not be a malicious relationship in any way, but it would not be good for them. peril needs to learn how to live for herself, not for the approval of anyone else

okay thats all for today friends. thank you if you read all of my mismatched thoughts if you did ^_^ i love talking

[ladyirisreviews]

Breath of Fire 2 - REVIEW

After playing Breath of Fire 1, I was very excited to see what the sequel brought to the table, and honestly, I am glad that I played this, despite not being exactly what I wanted out of it.

I'll skip the prelude to talk about the stuff that happens in the "current time".

The protagonist and his friend, Bow, are both orphans who became rangers when they grew up, but someone framed Bow for a crime he didn't commit, so he is forced to flee the village, and it's up to the protagonist to clear his name, You'll meet several characters along the way and discover something sinister brewing in the land.

In this game, characters are more fleshed out and move along the plot, unlike in the first game where it's only the bad guys showing up and you have to beat them up.

Characters still join you without much reason, but at least most of them get some spotlight, they still don't interact with each other but it is a step forward.

There's also a place where you can directly talk with them, and they will comment about what is going on, which I think is a neat detail even if the dialogue is shallow.

I wish they could have had dialogue for all of your party members every time the plot was progressing, but for the most part, they are as silent as the protagonist, the exceptions being when they are first introduced and when their time in the spotlight comes.

The plot is also a huge step forward, the introduction does a good job at building a specific type of atmosphere and some mystery, as well as having some pretty well-made cutscenes throughout the game.

It's still pretty simple, both the story and the characters, but it is a noticeable upgrade.

I also liked how in very few instances, the game used the battle screen to make a cutscene play, I thought it was pretty cool, and I wish the game used that trick more, it would have made some scenes even more impactful.

As much as I appreciate the work that was done in everything related to the writing, The translation work is kind of terrible.

There are multiple instances where the text will be badly formatted, sentences will have weird wording, pronouns will be wrong, and even options will do the opposite of what they say.

I like everything that the plot tried to do, but the horrible translation does bring it down a bit, thankfully it doesn't make the game unplayable, or make you unable to appreciate some of the stuff that it does.

But man, I wish they released a re-translation for it.

Now going into the combat.

Right off the bat, I think getting rid of the icons was a good choice for the UI, which felt kinda clunky in the first game.

On top of having an attack option and a special option, every character has a special skill unique to them.

The main character, for example, recovers HP depending on how low his HP currently is, the effect being stronger the lower it is.

I felt that overall they didn't influence the battles a lot, the one for the main character is nice but I felt all the others were disposable, but it is still cool that each character has unique stuff.

Also, you can defend and switch formations by pressing L or R.

Formations are kinda neat, it's a step above just making a character be in the front or back row, deciding the risk of a character being attacked in that way was interesting for me, and I found myself changing the formation multiple times during my time playing the game.

As for magic, there are points when it feels underwhelming, especially around the middle of the game, but at the start and the end, magic can pack a punch.

Which is a big upgrade compared to how it was in the first one, where the only worthwhile spells were the healing ones, weaknesses still feel like they are kind of an afterthought, but at least they exist.

I do have to say though that making bosses immune to all the status-inducing spells and debuffs is very lame, I don't mind bosses being immune to things like sleep or poison, but being immune to debuffs as well makes the debuffs feel completely worthless, you won't be needing them on random fights either, since they end very quickly.

Despite this, the combat feels like a huge step forward compared to the original game, bosses will have you managing resources and you will need to watch out for random fights towards the end of the game.

A lot of random encounters are still solved by pressing the auto-battle button though, but if you use it during the last dungeons of the game odds are one of your party members will be KO'd.

There's also another mechanic that impacts combat, and that is the shaman system.

You will encounter shamans along the way that can fuse with your characters to increase their powers, there's a total of 6 shamans in the game and you can unite a max of 2 shamans to any character.

The catch is that characters are only compatible with some of the shamans, some being able to unite with most, and others with only a couple.

Also, if you happen to discover a special combination the character's color will change and the effect of the bonus will be stronger, or even better, their form can completely change and get a bonus in all stats.

I have some problems with the system though, it's lame that you can't fuse the shamans with everyone.

Allowing that extra customization would have been very cool, of course rewarding the secret transformations but still giving a little bonus for a non-special fusion.

Another problem that I have is that the fusions come apart very easily, when a character reaches critical health, or passes out, the fusion comes apart, but it also happens after a lot of cutscenes, which is pretty lame and annoying.

It would be better if you could have access to the fusions everywhere, or even at safe spots, but they are restricted to only 1 city.

So if you lose it in a long dungeon it's either go all the way back or finish the dungeon as is, which makes them feel a little bit worthless.

The overworld abilities make a comeback, but like last time, they feel a little bit like an afterthought, I saw it being used mostly to force a certain character into the party.

It would have been better if some character interactions led to them being forced onto the party, since if they are not with you and you encounter the obstacle you need them for, you need to go all the way back for them, which is the same place the shamans reside after you find them.

This can be kind of annoying.

And the worst is that they were perfectly capable of just forcing them on your party.

There is this section where you need a specific character to be with you to talk to another character, you get transported into a dream world with some save points available where you can change your party, but the character you need can't be removed.

And there is nothing inside the dream world that requires them, they don't even get dialogue inside, it's a bit frustrating.

This is one of the only things I think were better in the first game, you could freely change your party from anywhere, and that type of backtracking didn't exist thanks to this.

And like I mentioned, if they forced characters into your party with some plot in the middle it wouldn't be a problem, it would even flesh out the characters more.

Breath of Fire 2 has a way lower encounter rate than 1, so at least the backtracking isn't as bad.

Moving forward though, there's another new mechanic.

As you advance through the game you get to build a town of your own, and there are a lot of factors that change quite a lot of stuff.

Depending on the carpenter the look of the town will change, and you get to recruit people from around the world to open shops, only 6 though, and once you invite them to your town they will remain forever, so choose carefully.

Some sell pretty good stuff and others are useless, by talking to them when you first find them you will be able to know what purpose they would serve in your city.

And you could just save, recruit them, and then check out what they do, I think it's a very neat feature.

With the main features out of the way, I want to talk about the rest of the details.

Like in the first game, the overworld feels pretty small and looks pretty similar all over the world, at least there's more variety in the locations you get to visit in the dungeons, but also, like in the first game, they are very short and have barely any puzzles, the reduced encounter rate makes them more enjoyable to me though.

I had a nitpick in the first game, in towns, whenever you entered a house, the town theme would fade out and a different song would start playing.

This bothered me very much, and I am happy to say that doesn't happen in this game, but I have a different nitpick related to the music now.

And is that almost every dungeon plays the same song, this also applies to the towns, and they are not even that good in my opinion.

I am very glad the last few dungeons had unique songs, I would have been pretty mad if they didn't, but outside of those 2 songs, I think the game has a pretty good soundtrack.

Not every song is that great, but there's a couple that are very remarkable in my opinion.

I'd say I would definitely recommend this game over Breath of Fire 1, you don't miss on much lore if you skip it, as stuff that you would need to know is explained in the main plot of the game.

Writing this review made me realize how much I appreciate this game, especially when comparing it to the first one, it's such a big improvement.

I wasn't very optimistic about the series after I played the first one, but after looking at all the improvements they made in 2, I am a bit hopeful about Breath of Fire 3, and what improvements they could make.

Like more character development, a tighter combat system, or better dungeons.

Unlike the first game, which I think only people who enjoy very simple RPGs with almost no plot would enjoy, this game feels a bit more accessible, and I think you lose nothing in giving it a try.

The horrible translation could make it difficult to get into it, but once you do it's pretty fun to see through, at least in some parts.

It still has some issues, especially for how optimized RPGs are these days, but I felt it was a genuine attempt at making a better game, even if it still falls short in a lot of things.

There's a lot of plot-lines and concepts that I wish were developed more, characters that had more screen time, and of course, a better translation.

I kind of wish Capcom would remake this game someday with the proper care put into it, I think it would be incredibly good.

They don't need to waste millions in giving it mind-blowing graphics, as long as they get good translators, polish some of the rough edges, add some QoL stuff, and maybe add the Game Boy advance portraits.

It could be a very good quality release, but I know that will never happen, I still can dream though.

[house-vestra]

fe17 thoughts (part 1)

first round of engage thoughts... i just beat chapter 17 but this is mostly about the firene gang so probably only spoilers for the early game

probably the worst FE in terms of line writing; ppl rag on fates for bad writing but mainly for plot holes/concept but i didn’t mind fe14 on a line level. there have certainly been more times during engage where the actual lines characters were given felt very amateurish.

in terms of characterization, i feel this game is probably the weakest as well. the character gimmicks are fine to me (none feel very egregious at this point) but i think the characters are hurt by how short the supports are. i think these are the shortest supports in an FE game? generally i feel like in FE, supports generally each contain a full story beat so a support chain will consist of 3 separate encounters, usually with at 1 or 2 reversals in there, but fe17 supports sometimes take all 3 levels to cover just one story beat (i.e. the b support picks up directly where the c support conversation left off, rather than being a new conversation resulting from the characters getting to know each other better). that gives the impression the characterization is much shallower than in other FE games. but i’m not convinced it... needed to be this way? there are moments where i feel like some characters DO have other things going on for them other than the 1 gimmick/character trait from their c-support.. i’ll revisit this when i’ve unlocked more a-supports i guess

like many people, i was taken aback by Alear’s design but I’ve mostly come around to it. I played M!Alear because he has less hair to look at. ppl have criticized the divine dragon thing being an excuse for protagonist worship but I don’t mind it; the game plays with how being worshipped is actually something uncomfortable for Alear and there’s a minor recurring theme about the nature of worship in Elyos which is a little juicy

mixed feelings on framme/clanne (i always want to write framme/cramme lol). probably least fav christmas cavs, which is a feat when alan/lance exist. i actually do think the Divine Dragon Fan Club is very funny... but i don’t like either of their designs and i feel like.... they’re annoying??

alfred is a wannabe himbo and i love that for him. it’s an interesting choice to give him that personality but make him look like That. i liked most of his supports; he is very funny.

reserving judgment of celine until i’ve gotten her later supports. she does talk about tea a lot but i sense she does have more going on; i like that she’s more canny and mature than a lot of kind younger sister types. i feel like a lot of the character supports are padded by polite pleasantries but celine sometimes cuts through the niceties in a way that suggests there’s more going on with her?? i will return to this point after i get more supports. i do like her design; she is cute and her big poofy dress is funny.

chloe is pretty. i think her thing with eating weird foods is funny as well, but the writers (possibly localizers, could be in the original jp context as well) missed the mark with calling the food “folk food.” it would be one thing if what she was eating was actually established in lore to be what commoners or regional peasants eat as a fact of the world. we do have a lot of noble characters who could be aghast by that. but we also have characters from poorer backgrounds and nobody eats what chloe is shown to be eating, so it doesn’t feel like honest world building when chloe lectures other characters about the authenticity of weird regional delicacies

(but it could have been funny if chloe could only cook weird things that no one else likes in the cafe)

louis’s thing with watching ppl is a little uncomfy for me but i could change my mind at some point. i do like his green eyes when he opens them, and i like that they do have him open them at times; that endears the character to me. i like that he’s a pushy big brother to zelkov

limited thoughts on boucheron; i do like his reactions to alfred and etie harassing him and he makes a good straight man to them. “those are my abs” from the etie support was great. his model does make it abundantly clear that the shoulders on the adult male model are too broad, so that’s distracting.

i actually like most of the firene gang on their own... but as a group they are too nice lol and it makes most of the conversations/supports in the early game feel kind of bland and samey.

ESPECIALLY QUEEN EVE; i feel like her design is very regal, proud, and borderline-could-be-a-bitch but then she just is a normal nice lady, so i was disappointed.

as a side note, to all the people (on reddit) who keep saying they wrote etie to be a buff bodybuilder but didn’t draw her as one... they didn’t write her to be a buff bodybuilder. they wrote her to aspire to be a buff bodybuilder, but she struggles to put on muscle like alfred does, read the words on the screen, i beg of you.

thought jean would be a stronger unit but he’s... not that good for me; i feel like... qi adepts aren’t good???? i don’t mind that he and anna are children but i have seen some criticism of their ages.

anna is cute. i have the same criticism of her as i do with all post-fe12 anna’s, which is that fe12 anna is best anna. the money thing is more toned down in engage, which i appreciate. she is so little. i think she has good growths but i haven’t noticed her being that good because mine is flimsy as paper.

gameplay-wise, the emblems are really fun. this is a new level of unit customization for Fire Emblem. class changing/skills were serviceable before but they required grinding and some level of commitment to them, whereas i’ve been swapping emblems on and off characters very liberally so the way i play each unit changes between battles. that is very neat.

edelgard/dimi/claude is my favorite emblem; fallen star is very good, atrocity is strong but less useful, raging storm is mostly not useful due to the cost but i’ve used it once. tiki is good as well as she’s strong; i’ve not noticed her increased growths having that much effect but could be because i swap her on and off people.

for base game emblems, i think probably... micaiah  > lyn > sigurd > byleth > celica > eirika > corrin > ike > lucina > leif > marth > roy

i haven’t used leif and roy that much so they could be better than i recall.

unit-wise, i don’t think i’ve noticed many stand outs for me? everyone is roughly usable, and i’ve trained everyone but clanne and vander (i’m in desperate need of more master seals)

everyone is saying you need to promote at level 10. THERE’S NOT ENOUGH MASTER SEALS TO DO THAT. i promoted everyone at level 20 and i still have people sitting there waiting for master seals.

speaking of not having enough of a resource, i’m also very poor. i upgraded all countries to level 2 to get their regional clothes but the level 3 is TOO EXPENSIVE. i have a lot of gold skirmishes but they’re rough to do bc they’re pretty high level and if i use my high level guys, those guys will level up, and then the skirmish level will INCREASE MORE. this is... like a punishment for sisyphus

they buffed armors so much that mages are really indispensable. hammers and armorslayers... do not work lol

i appreciate that they gave us lots of shiny staves to use, and pretty early too. i have not used them.

i guess alear is my strongest unit??? they’re pretty dodgy but didnt stop marni from ONE SHOTTING ME.

i’ll do brodia gang next; i have lots of thoughts on them. i’m recording these for future me’s reference, but i’m happy to hear other people’s thoughts too!

[un-pearable]

s4 thoughts: okay honestly im really surprised the tournament arc came this early in the show because for some reason i thought it came a lot later. either i had. so much fun this was such a fun arc. i was also familiar with wayyy way more of this season than the other ones which was surprising so i mustve watched the bulk of it at least twice or something.

okay lets get the worst thing out of the way so that we can talk about things i really liked. the . euuuuuugh the garmadon / misako / wu love triangle that they still keep bringing up for some reason. actually im just going to take a snippet of one of my angry discord rants and leave it at that

number 2: THE RESOLUTION OF THE JAY/NAYA/COLE LOVE TRIANGLE!!!! thank GOODNESS im so glad that is done. i'm glad we're all friends again and dont have to bring that up in any sort of significant way going forward. hopefully. id like to see more friendship shenanigans please writers please

number 3: im obsessed with how absolutely and entirely confused i am about the timeline of ninjago. i understand nothing. i really dont and i think the writers are just as confused as i am

number 4: i think they did a better job w skylor/kai than any of the other ships so far but also half of that is because im pretty sure it being kind of shallow but having the potential to be an actually functional and mildly interesting relationship is the point instead of on accident this time. at least thats what i got out of it

number 5: speaking of skylor, who the heck is her mom. real question. this is always my question whenever any dude has a child with no mention of a mom especially because half the men in question i could not see anybody getting married to them in a million years.

number 6: i feel like the writing got significantly better this season. the plot was tighter and the jokes were a lot funnier and . yeah i dont know i had so much fun the fights were engaging without dragging on too much on characters we dont have any real investment in and i really like how they didnt just put everybody into the same stone pit and had them beat the snot out of each other. many points for creativity.

number 7: your tags on my last ask

literally SOOO true nothing else to add you hit the nail on the head. tangentially related question but is it ever explained how chen got his hands on pixal & zane (???)

number 8: lloyd & garmadon continues to be the most interesting and compelling relationship in the show, which is great for me because im terribly invested in this. my curse in life is that the more invested i am in a character or relationship the more my brain locks up when i try to talk about it so trying to put something into words is like pulling teeth but !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY WERE SO GOOD THIS SEASONNNN im also really glad they let lloyd be mad for five minutes when garmadon decides to send himself to the spirit realm or whatever to save ninjago. thank you writers. also having lloyd be the one to send him off like 😭😭😭 wow yall really out here making him kill his dad Again but also YESSSSS yesss couldnt have chosen anybody better this was so good

number 9: some more miscellaneous things, but like. dude this season was so fun. the premise is "the ceo of this megacorp noodle company is actually is holding an underground fight ring between all the elemental masters so he can steal all their powers and use it to turn all his men into anacondri" is absolutely wack and i am 10000000% here for it. still not over how the prisoners built a jet to escape the underground noodle factory, btw. some other misc observations

also cannot believe they worked literally DARETH into this. incredible showstopping spectacular amazing this was so much fun. 9/10 (<- one point docked for subjecting me to more garmadon/misako/wu) arc

1) ah yes,, the misako frustration reigns eternal. i will never get over how interesting she had the potential to be (implied to be badass archaeologist adventurer who’s also setting the trend for deadbeat moms? at the very least she could be frustrating but fun) and the dedication to making her the good guy in all conceivable situations is ACTIVELY harming the narrative. i wish she could be shitty in a fun way so bad

2) hell yeah!!!! the love triangle is annoying but cole and jay’s dynamic through out this season is very dear to me. its stupid as hell but dear.

3) mhm mhm mhm. it gets so painfully clear that they grew out of the original plan for the series VERY quickly after s2 and over time it only gets funnier as they try harder and harder to justify each new season’s premise. personal fave is “fuck it video game”

4) skylor and kai is fun!!! i’m not usually a fan of those kinds of dynamics but they’re more convincingly attracted to each other and maybe have the momentum + desire to make it work than. pretty much every single other romantic relationship at this point

5) ahh… the villains inexplicable child dilemma. theoretically she had to be the previous master of amber but imo it’s much funnier if chen just yoinked skylor from somewhere. or she was just 100% down for evil machinations and skylor’s the weirdo in the family for being half decent. either way good fuckin question why is this so ridiculously common

6) yeah!! the fights and competitions are actually pretty creative and the structure did tie the whole season together well,, this seasons technically less exciting than the others but you can def tell they had a much clearly vision and plan for it. and the roller derby is funny as hell so

7) i could talk about zane for ages and ages.. the day i finally write the android-becomes-human trope fic about him and pixal (is probably never going to come bc i can’t decide When it should take place bc his opinions would be vastly different) is the day i win. i believe it’s canon that robin’s the one who turned them over? zane rebuilt himself, pixal found him and then they got captured (the ending of s3 was supposed to tease about zane’s new body but i think it didn’t get animated correctly). i very much could be wrong but i’m like 80% sure that’s canon

8) GOD YEAH ITS SO GOOD. lloyd and garmadon carry the character dynamics for the entire show. utterly tragic. stunning. i also have nothing coherent to say about them but will never shut up about them. i want to stick s1 lloyd and current lloyd into a box and shake it until the emotions and complex feelings about their father come out

9) IT IS IT REALLY IS. ninjago at its core MUST be goofy as hell and s4 embraces it in SUCH a good way. later they get too good at angst i need stupid shit and stupid shit we get. (okay not really. what i mean is early goofiness fits with the established show, where later stuff is more. spontaneous and lol random wouldnt-it-be-funny-if stuff rather than part of the narrative’s status quo) agshdjfjfkf tysm for your reactions im never going to be able to watch it w/o those being in my head again.. ooohh there’s something there about ourboros but i don’t have words for it rn. the narrative is constantly eating itself to rewrite what was once canon so they can tell new stories. it’s crumbling under the weight of needing to tell more and more new and creative things in a world that was built for four ten minute glorified advertisements,, consuming itself and rewriting its own history by necessity…

[threewaysdivided]

Young Justice: A Massive Failure of Narrative - The Masterpost

A few people asked for this, so here we go.  Apparently I have had a lot of thoughts about this show that I only love a single season of, in my attempts to wrestle with why I found Invasion and especially the revival not only not engaging but also unsettling and kind of upsetting on a creative and ideological level, and why it was that my brain just couldn’t let it go.  Now collected, for your perusal.

Quick version:  ‘Scope Management’, ‘Toxic Friends’ and ‘Invasion: A Case Study’ cover pretty much everything. The rest are mostly elaborations

Structure, Scope Management and Audience Engagement

In this long writing-focussed essay I take an overarching look at the structural issues hurting the show; how the constant influx of characters creates an enormous scope management problem, how this problem is compounded by timeskips which make over 80% of the critical narrative substance inaccessible, worsened by a choice to imply important skipped content rather than showing or telling it, how the companion materials are an ineffective solution to this problem, how the show fails the Death of the Author test, how it over-relies on audience’s pre-existing knowledge of/ parasocial bonds with the characters from the comics in a way akin to fanfiction, and how all of this has contributed to the erosion of characters, plots, themes and narrative as the seasons progress.

This Can’t Go On Forever

Greg Weisman has openly said he wants Young Justice to go on forever.  Here I briefly look at the kinds of shows and narrative structures that easily allow that kind of perpetual extension, and how this is completely at odds with Young Justice’s tightly chronological, momentum-driven approach. (Which beggars the question of why he would write an intrigue/mystery if he doesn’t believe in denouements.)

The Illusion of Story/ In Service of Nothing (But Profit)

“The director has learned from better films that directors sometimes tilt their cameras, but he has not learned why.”   In this ask-response I talk about the idea of using story elements in service of narrative and how Outsiders very obviously fails to do so.  Particularly discussed are the use of violence for shock value, attempts to be seen as ‘topical’, gestures towards ‘representation’ that feel disingenuous, nostalgia-exploitation, the formulaic reuse of ‘secrets and lies’ plot beats and how - in pursuing a shallow moment-to-moment appearance of story without consideration for the story those elements combine to tell - we end up in a situation where the heroes are praised for recreating the exact same status quo they formed the Team in response to.

Toxic Friends and Partners

An examination of emotional/ psychological abuse red-flags in the writing of Superboy and Miss Martian’s relationship across Invasion/ Torch Songs/ Outsiders and the shades of abuse apologism/ victim-blaming in the way the narrative constantly puts the emotional burden on Conner to forgive what is done to him.  Followed by a wider look at the implications of the original Team’s treatment of Conner (and to lesser extent Artemis) across Invasion and Outsiders, how Conner is increasingly isolated as the show progresses and how on a fundamental level the characters’ actions reveal that these are no longer friends who respect and trust each other but people who need, use and then discard each other once the relationships are no longer convenient.

Grandon’s Tragic DC Zombie-fic

An examination of major flaws in Invasion’s mole plot and the fridge-tragic fates of the Season 1 team members by the end of Outsiders.  Followed by a look at why ‘the comic book context’ is a poor defense for the weak writing of Young Justice’s later seasons, how the show expects an unreasonable and inconsistent burden of extra-textual work from the audience, the audience expectations that were set by Season 1, how all following entries betray those expectations, the balance of creative power on the Production Team and how Greg Weisman and Brandon Vietti probably weren’t the writers who made YJS1 what it was, Grandon’s personal creative weaknesses and how the show has changed and declined in quality as they have consolidated creative power, how the narrative construction of Post-Season-1 Young Justice exhibits the symptoms of ‘zombie-fanfic’ and how the lack of caring on the part of the showrunners reflects in a cast of ‘heroes’ who no longer seem to care about others.

A Show That Hates Itself

In Season 1, Superman states that the Justice League of Earth-16 upholds the ideals of Truth, Liberty and Justice.  A look at how (under new Production/ Executive direction from Season 2 onward) the forcible re-writing of the Season 1 cast into characters who routinely lie with the intent to control others while refusing to be held accountable not only contradicts their personal values and fails their arcs, but creates a series that is cynical to the point of hateful toward those stated heroic ideals.

Invasion: A Case Study in Losing Your Thesis

In this ask response I throw the microscope on Invasion as a case study/ writing exercise - drilling down through (and suggesting potential ways to address) the issues of scope management, failure to progress storylines, broken continuity between seasons, contradiction/ undermining of central themes and the nature of conflict, in order to get to the root problem at the heart of every other problem with Young Justice as a series: that it doesn’t have an actual narrative, and the one it did has been irreparably shattered.

Greg Weisman: Bad-faith Bigotry

Sometimes having friends in other fandoms can be an incredibly cursed thing.  As it turns out, Young Justice is not the only story to have seen a substantial decline in quality after Greg Weisman took control as lead writer... and the patterns that emerge are as revealing as they are depressing.

[dmbakura]

I’d love to hear your thoughts on DmC if you feel like sharing asdfghjkl

(I haven't finished the vergil's downfall dlc yet but I don't think it's gonna give me any earth shattering revelations about the plot so anyways) I guess I should list whatever positives I can think of along with the negatives. WHOMST READY FOR AN ESSAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY

Positives:

gameplay and level design is good. some bosses suck. there's one great boss fight (bob barbas) that, if the rest of the game reached that level of creativity it would have been way better. it's an aiight game overall with decently fun mechanics and weapons

the setting is mildly interesting. I do like the dystopian punk mass media surveillance state it had going on and wish more was done with it

idk that's it really

Negatives:

to expand on above, it really just didn't do much with the world it established. in the second half of the game any worldbuilding it had going on becomes second to the family drama they try and shoehorn in to make it more like the actual dmc games. which I really don't understand because they seem to want to establish this as its own thing and yet?

dante and vergil's dynamic is so fucking bad. they have no chemistry. I don't understand why they try and set up this rivalry when neither of them even properly remember it. It just doesn't work, and it especially feels off given they're allies for 90% of the game. None of their interactions come off naturally and their showdown at the end feels forced as hell

vergil's character is baffling. it's like they took one look at his canon counterpart and said "ah yes he's the order man" which is a very shallow reading of canon vergil's character. as such, the reboot version of him comes off as a really gross misinterpretation. and fine it has no connection to the canon material, but the character still shouldn't be completely unrecognizable. and they also give him similar story beats to canon vergil which now make very little sense given the new context. would it not have been more fitting for him to be some kind of rogue hacker out for his own gain instead of a vigilante justice type character with a skewed idea of order? or for him and dante to be at odds? they might have played better off each other that way instead of their stiff interactions as "allies" in the game, where they're forced to get along to face a greater threat, and this also might have made their fight have more weight. also, he doesn't fucking do shit in this game until the very last battle.

really all the characters suck. dante is only barely tolerable at points because he has shades of nero in him. kat is... The Girl. mundus is laughably bad and I don't get the attempt at humanizing him. I feel like he's not hard to write. mundus has such weight in the og games because he doesn't have much characterization. he's this omnipresent god like figure that you mostly SEE the aftermath of and gain the full context of his complete and utter EVIL through people like vergil who were destroyed by him. DmC mundus just tells you he's a 'god' (and also his human alias is """kyle""" what the everloving fuck) like that's supposed to mean anything. I think that's the problem with basically all the characters tbh. they just Tell you what they are instead of Showing it.

it's probably been said before but the tone is so edgy and in a completely terrible way that lacks any charm and doesn't at all try to endear itself. it's mean spirited on a meta level ("not in a million years") and relies on shock value for a lot of its story beats. there's an uncomfortable amount of misogyny/understated homophobia in the game too. every single woman in this game is referred to as a whore at some point. kat's entire character is written to be this sad abused girl with no agency, even throwing in an offhand "oh my dad molested me" out of nowhere. there's a scene where mundus rapes (?) his blonde henchwoman. there's a scene where the evil newscaster calls dante a "known sexual deviant" with a wink wonk kinda face and given the context of the scene it feels like a jab at actual dante (who the devs of this game called a "gay cowboy" derogatorily). this game is CRUSTY.

I hAvE TeRAByTES oF pLAnS We CanT LeT MuNDuS GeT HiS hAnDS On (vergil what the fuck does that MEAN)

[murasaki-murasame]

Thoughts on Higurashi Sotsu Ep6

Let’s just file this one under “top 10 shittiest anime deaths” *badum-tish*

Thoughts under the cut.

I feel like in a lot of ways this episode kinda highlights the highs and lows of the new series, and how it feels like it’s trying to be like three different stories at the same time and usually only succeeding at being one of them.

This episode, and this arc in general, as a standalone part of the franchise was actually really good, and delivered on the promise of ‘what if Mion actually became the culprit in one arc’, but as part of the answer arcs for the new series it just continues to feel kinda pointless and predictable. I still think that a lot of this has to do with them trying to be both a sequel and a remake at the same time, but unlike with the Rena answer arc, I honestly feel like even new fans could have guessed everything that happened in this arc, since it didn’t actually go into anything that wasn’t already discussed in Gou. So even on that level it doesn’t really feel like it’s providing essential answers that couldn’t have been worked out in advance.

It’s kinda weird how little this arc actually explored anything about Mion and Shion that wasn’t already shown in Gou, considering how much stuff from the VN related to them hadn’t been covered. A lot of their backstory stuff ended up not exactly being relevant to how this arc played out, but it just feels like a weird thing to gloss over when they’ve spent so much time going over stuff from the VN as it is.

Though on that note, I’m really curious about how they’ve made absolutely zero reference to the fact that Mion and Shion swapped places as kids, or anything about Mion’s tattoo. At this point I have to wonder if maybe Ryukishi just doesn’t actually like that plot point in hindsight, and is choosing to effectively write it out of the story here. I can see why, though, since from what I remember it kinda verges into being a twist for the sake of having a twist, and doesn’t actually do much for them as characters that wouldn’t have happened otherwise.

The lack of basically anything to do with Shion’s backstory and her relationship with Satoshi still feels a lot more iffy, but at least some of this stuff feels like intentional revising on Ryukishi’s part. Which I think is a really interesting aspect of the new series as a whole. It feels like he’s taking the chance to look back on the VN and show us how he feels about it after all this time. The stuff with characters like Teppei and Rina seems to be his way of making up for them being shallow villains in the VN, and Satoko being evil here seems to be in part inspired by how little agency or control she had in the original story. I guess the big issue here is that a lot of people probably just straight up disagree with the things that Ryukishi thinks of as being problems with the VN that he’s trying to ‘fix’ here, but I think it’s really interesting to see him do this sort of thing, even if it’s messy and overly ambitious and doesn’t fully work.

For the most part I agree with all the criticisms about these arcs feeling like a bit of a waste of time as we wait for the story to eventually loop back to the Nekodamashi cliffhanger. Even from the perspective of this being mainly for the sake of new fans, it feels kinda strange to see such straightforward ‘this is what was happening behind the scenes in the question arcs’ style answers, with lots of reused footage and basically zero twists or reveals. The VN’s way of designing separate arcs that provide answers for the question arcs was more satisfying, and Umineko went even further with that by just vaguely going over the basic keys to figuring out all the how-dunnit mysteries of the question arcs, and everything else about the answer arcs there was just a continuation of the meta plot. So it feels kinda weird to see him loop back around to the opposite end of the spectrum here.

It makes me wonder if there’s some sort of larger meta mystery going on here that’ll become more apparent in the next arc, and will reveal that we didn’t actually know everything that was going on like we thought we did, but at this point I feel like it’ll probably all end up being a lot more straightforward than we predicted. But there’s still the looming specter of the meta plane stuff, the hints dropped about where this series fits into the wider WTC universe timeline, and the fact that the whole point of the new series in the first place seems to be guiding Rika and Satoko down the path toward becoming their Umineko counterparts. So all of that stuff makes me think there might be some curveball twists going in the future that expand the scope of the story, but I have no real idea what to expect from that, and if it’d even feel satisfying. As much as I’m a diehard Umineko fan who loves the idea of this being a Lambda and Bern origin story, I still worry that the execution might not work once we get to the end. I also don’t really think that anything the series does in the final arcs will completely make up for how predictable these first few answer arcs have felt on a week by week basis, lol.

In general it gets me thinking that in spite of how predictable the answers have been thus far, I’m largely clueless about how I think they’ll actually wrap up the overarching story with Satoko and Rika. It feels like there’s still a lot of different directions they could take it in, and a lot of it depends on just how far Ryukishi wants to go with tying this into other WTC works.

For one thing, I’m not even sure how to expect them to follow up on the Nekodamashi cliffhanger. It’s at least hard to imagine how they could stop Satoko from shooting Rika then and there, considering how this episode in particular went. And one way or another, we’ll have to see how Rika and Satoko handle being in a situation where they both know what’s going on with each other. I think it’ll then just depend on what Satoko’s mental state is like at that point, and also what they plan on doing with the whole looper-killing sword thing. I think Ryukishi’s implied multiple times now that the next arc will start to test Satoko’s resolve, and going by her attitude during the infamous gut-ripping scene, as well as her traumatized reaction to the punching glove box prank, I think she’ll be much less confident in her goals by that point, and probably more willing to talk about what’s going on.

I don’t think it’ll be as simple as ‘she just gives up and everyone forgives her’, or even ‘Rika beats up Satoko while everyone cheers and they all move on and abandon her’, though. I think there’ll be some kind of balancing act between redemption and punishment, but I also think that ultimately it’ll also tie into the Lambda/Bern origin story stuff they seem to be going for. I think I’ve said this before, but my best guess for how this will end is that the looper-killing sword will be used to separate their ‘meta selves’ who are aware of the loops and stuff, while leaving behind their regular physical selves who thus lose most/all of their memories of the loops. At least that way they can have their cake and eat it too by showing how Lambda and Bern became witches, while also having separate versions of them that get to stay behind and mend their relationship or something. But I’m not even confident about all of that, lol.

It’s also worth noting that the key visual for Sotsu features Satoko and Rika as teenagers, and the OP also features that pretty heavily, along with an ominous scene of the other main characters as teenagers. So that makes me think that the story will somehow get back to that whole time period, which makes me a bit more unsure how the last arc will go. One option is that the final Nekodamashi arc will just keep going until they become teenagers again, but the way those scenes are presented in the promo material makes it seem like Satoko and Rika’s relationship is still bad then. So maybe on the other hand we’ll just go back to the original Matsuribayashi timeline where Satoko first met Eua, but I feel like that’d probably be the happy ending where everything goes back to the original timeline and they all end up reconnecting again, so I’m still not sure how the ominous presentation of the teenage characters might play into that.

Either way, I think all of that stuff will probably just come up in the final arc. The next one will probably be covering Tataridamashi and Nekodamashi from Satoko’s perspective. The next arc should be where things start to shake up, but I still think they could easily cover both of those arcs in just five episodes. Nothing much seemed to be happening with Satoko until the final days of Tataridamashi, and I can’t imagine there being much to explore with how she set up the rapid-fire loops in Nekodamashi.

With what’s been hinted at about the next arc not going according to Satoko’s plans, and her resolve being tested, I think that this will probably be where things go entirely out of her control and she starts to doubt whether or not she should continue with her plans. Specifically I think that being in a new loop with Teppei being nice to her, and watching everyone else try to save her from her [perceived] abuse, will start to sway her toward thinking that maybe that sort of timeline is worth staying in, even if it means giving up on controlling Rika.

One way or another I think Ooishi went crazy all on his own. I think Ryukishi explicitly said in an interview that Ooishi went L5 naturally, and I think the manga version of Tataridamashi made it clear that Satoko was genuinely thrown off by how things went there, so she probably didn’t want Ooishi to kill anyone. I can see how he might have gone off the deep end by interrogating Teppei and realizing that there was basically a witch hunt going on against him, but I’m not sure how he would have ended up specifically blaming Rika unless Satoko pushed him into it. Either way, Teppei probably really did attack Keiichi at the end of the arc, and we know that Satoko just has one syringe to use, so at most she probably injected Teppei and then Ooishi went L5 naturally.

I’m also curious to see if/when Satoko learns about Rika being given the power to remember her deaths, since that’d also go a long way toward explaining what her intentions might have been with how that arc ended. I think Satoko is at least aware that Rika doesn’t remember how she dies, so I’m at least not sure what she’d try and accomplish by setting up a loop that only goes to shit at the very last second. It feels like it wouldn’t do a whole lot aside from making Rika confused in the next loop. But Rika only gets her ability to remember her deaths after that loop already ends, so Satoko could have only known about it if there’s some sort of conspiracy going on about Hanyuu. Which there probably is, since her whole presence in this is weird and her deciding to give Rika a new set of powers was always super suspicious, but still.

I’m also curious to see if we get any real payoff to the idea that Satoko’s looping is causing more and more people to remember past loops. Especially when it comes to the main club members, since there’s various moments in Tataridamashi and Nekodamashi, both in the anime and manga, that seem to imply that most of them are starting to remember things.

Even though the execution of this whole new series makes me a bit more wary about how any sort of new anime for Umineko along these lines might pan out, I can’t help but still really hope this is leading to something like that. For one thing I just think that if he’s going for a Lambda/Bern origin story with this, at the risk of alienating lots of existing fans, I think there should at least be a more concrete payoff to that than just ‘ok now you can go back and read the Umineko VN’. But I think there’s a lot of potential to be had with some sort of remake or sequel to Umineko where he gets a chance to revisit it after more than 10 years. One of these days I should still just make a whole post about my hopes and predictions for what could be done with any sort of new Umineko anime, lol.

Anyway, this got longer than I planned, but all in all I enjoyed this more than it probably comes across like I did, lol. Even if the plot’s been kinda boring, I think Sotsu has done a great job of elevating it with good direction and visuals. The moment to moment pacing can still be kinda choppy, and sometimes the presentation of flashback scenes is confusing and ambiguous, but in general it still feels entertaining to watch unfold, and the brutality has a lot of impact. I’m just hoping that the rest of Sotsu is more ambitious and surprising than these first two arcs have been.

[thecaffeinebookwarrior]

The Many Faces of the Strong Female Character

The much-requested, positive counterpart to my classic “Female Characters to Avoid in Your Writing” and it’s much-later sequel.  

Here, I will discuss some of my favorite fictional ladies and what makes them work so well;  given my rapturous love of women, there will probably be a sequel!  In the meantime, I talk more about portraying female characters here.

Happy writing, everybody!  <3

1.)  The Warrior

(Gif credit.) 

When most people hear “strong female character,” they picture the most popular definition of the term:  a stony-faced, emotionally shallow, conventionally attractive broad who punches and kicks stuff.  She may occasionally shout things like, “I DON’T NEED NO MAN,” while perhaps punching a small baby. 

I decided to start with my wife Diana, because she is the perfect antithesis of this trope.  She isn’t stony, she’s courageous.  She’s unabashed about showing her doubts, hopes, affections, and optimism.  Her love interest never steals her spotlight, but she feels no need to shun romance to appear “strong.”  She’s beautiful, but not sexualized or objectified.

And while most Strong Female Characters™ are ironically reduced to damsels in distress at some point in their own narratives, Diana consistently takes the lead, totally autonomous over her own story.

You can kick ass AND love babies, people.  Joss Whedon, please take notes.

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Other examples:  Okoye from Black Panther, Furiosa from Mad Max: Fury Road, Rey from Star Wars, and Ser Brienne of Tarth from Game of Thrones.

2.)  The Comedian

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If you haven’t watched Chewing Gum on Netflix, stop whatever you’re doing and watch it right now.  Its relatively simple premise – a twenty-four-year-old from a fundamentalist Christian household struggles to lose her virginity – is a segway into a hilarious, genuine exploration of human sexuality, relationships, and how we forge our identities.

Brilliantly portrayed by the series’ creator, Michaela Coel, Tracy is essentially that one friend who knows exactly what you’ve been thinking and isn’t afraid to say so.  She is never relegated to a single trope or stereotype.  She’s stumbling, clumsily but enthusiastically, through the life experiences that shape us.  Most importantly, she is allowed to be sexually curious, awkward, aggressive, insecure, and – I can’t stress this enough – hilarious.  The dialogue is infinitely quotable, and endlessly relatable. 

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Watching shows like Chewing Gum makes me realize how few female characters – and even fe wer Black female characters – are portrayed as truly human.  Typically, they’re allowed to be sexy, but not sexual.  They’re allowed to be awkward, but only if it’s cute.  They can be insecure, but only if that insecurity can easily be solved by the affirmations of a male love interest.  And they’re rarely allowed to be the main source of a series’ comedy.  

So remember:  let your female characters be human.  Let them be awkward, funny, sexual philosophers.  It’s easier than you think.  

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Other examples:  Abbi and Ilan from Broad City, Leslie from Parks and Rec, Tina from Bob’s Burgers.

3.)  The Drama Queen

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Watching Riverdale is like hurtling along on a structurally unstable rollercoaster.  It’s utterly insane, a lot of fun, and once you’re on, you can’t stop.

But amidst the explosions of batshit crazy plot points, killer cults, and the existential perplexity of finding yourself attracted to emo Jughead, there are some real gems.  One of these is Cheryl Blossom, and pretty much every plot line surrounding her.

Cheryl is introduced as a fairly one-dimensional, catty mean girl, though the Regina George-esque charisma with which she’s portrayed makes her instantly likable.  Initially, we expect her to be a character we’ll love to hate.

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And yet, within the first few episodes, I was impressed by how layered and complex her motivations were.  Much of contempt towards others was misdirected rage from an upbringing of extreme emotional abuse, and grief over her dead brother -- all portrayed without a Snape-style condonation of said behavior.  By the end of season one, my thoughts were generally, “Oh, crap, I don’t think I can claim to be watching this ‘ironically’ anymore,” and “MORE CHERYL.”

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Season two answered my wish, and then some.  Cheryl was saved from an (impressively conscientiously portrayed) attempt at sexual assault by a pack of her female friends, and her attacker got the shit beat out of him in one of the most cathartic moments of modern television.

To the exaltation of my queer heart, she also came out as a lesbian, in a deeply moving story arc that I never would have expected from this show.  Without spoiling too much, she and her new love interest kissing in front of anti-gay propaganda footage was legitimately one of the most powerful moments I have ever witnessed.

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Before the season was over, she viciously threatened her abusive, homophobic mother while covered in blood, shot a serial killer with a bow and arrow, and joined a gang.  If that’s not gay culture, I don’t know what is.

Oh, how I wish this show was just about her.

Other examples:  Alexis from Schitt’s Creek.

4.)  The Lovable Bastard

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Ah, The Good Place.  I have never experienced such a breath of comedic fresh air.  A new philosophical principle each episode, examined and applied in hilarious and thought-provoking ways.  A complete absence of harmful stereotypes.  Incredibly lovable, three-dimensional, and ever-evolving characters. 

I was considering using my queen Tahani for this list, who externally larger-than-life and internally vulnerable after emotional abuse by her parents.  Also, she’s hilarious.  Everyone and everything in The Good Place is hilarious.  And I also thought about talking about Janet, who is the best character in anything ever, but of course:

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Instead, I’ll be talking about bisexual icon Eleanor, who is something very few female characters get to be:  the lovable bastard.

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Eleanor, when we first meet her, is not traditionally good in any sense of the word.  She turned down a high-paying job because she was expected to be nice to people.  She sold placebos to the elderly, and was great at it.  She was drunken, slovenly, hedonistic, and selfish.  And she’s instantly incredibly likable.

Why and how Eleanor is so enjoyable, even at her very worst, merits an essay all its own.  But in a nutshell:

We empathize with her.  We are introduced to “The Good Place” completely through her eyes.  We are in her shoes.  

The stakes are high.  When we discover that her entry into the good place was a mistake, we want her to be okay.

We come to understand her, and how her terrible childhood shaped her destructive behavior.  

She wants to be a better person, and with time, effort, and character development, we watch her become one. 

Not only is this an amazing lesson in how to endear audiences to your character, it is also infinitely refreshing.  The most famous lovable bastards are all men --  Han Solo, Dr. House, Captain Jack Sparrow, the Man With No Name, et cetera -- but women are rarely afforded the same moral complexity.  If a woman in fiction has done bad things, she’s not usually a lovable bastard.  She’s usually a bitch. 

Eleanor isn’t just a great character.  She conveys an important lesson:  women are people.  People with the same capacity for mistakes, growth, redemption, and love as anyone else.

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Other examples: Chloe from Don’t Trust the B*tch in Apartment 23

5.)  The Cinderella

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Yep.  I said it.  Cinderella is a strong female character.

My girl not only survived in an abusive household, she persistently stayed positive.  She worked each day to make the best of an impossible situation, from which she had no means of escape.  That takes an insane amount of courage and tenacity. 

But Caff, I hear you scream, she needed help to escape!!  Well, my imaginary counterargument, so the fuck what?  MOST people need help to escape their abusive situations, and there’s no shame in that.  Accepting help from someone you trust is the best thing you can do in a situation such as that, and implying otherwise is horribly damaging to victims of abuse.  

But she married the prince, you more feebly protest.  Yes!  She did!  She found love and happiness and a great life in a socially influential position!  And that’s an amazing message!

So in the flurry of female warriors, let’s not forget Cinderella, who tells people that their terrible circumstances won’t last forever, to stay hopeful and kind, and that accepting help from a trusted friend can lead to a happy life.  

Cinderella is a bad bitch, and she deserves her happily ever after.

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Other examples:  For some reason, I’m thinking of Sansa from Game of Thrones.  When people try to discredit her as a strong character, they often make similar complaints.  But both, quite fittingly, end up as queens.

[sammysdewysensitiveeyes]

Things Duggan could do/could have done with Pyro in Marauders:

This list is partially me being bitter, but it’s also just kind of a creative exercise, thinking about the development potential that Pyro has.

1. Redemption arc - This seems obvious.  Pyro is already hanging with the good guys, but is he actually undergoing a redemption arc?  Is he actually changing his views or becoming a better person?  We don’t really know because we barely see anything from his perspective, and it’s usually shallow comic relief when we do.  The groundwork is there to give Pyro a redemption arc.  He was already regretting his actions and questioning the Brotherhood’s methods when he had the Legacy Virus, leading up to him saving Senator Kelly.  Why not follow up on that?  Does he still feel the same way, or is he disillusioned because Kelly was killed right after he saved him?  Are the Marauders (all of whom are better people than Pyro) rubbing off on him a bit?  Maybe he’s starting to enjoy helping others or learning to trust humans?  (Or not?)  In today’s issue, Iceman was confronted by a Reaver that he had previously maimed, which was interesting, but that’s another storyline that I think would also fit Pyro.  Pyro has surely been maiming some people - maybe being confronted with the results of that would help him reconsider his actions.

2. Legacy Virus stuff - Pyro hasn’t said a damn thing about the way he died, and I understand him not wanting to talk about it.  But again, that sparked a semi-redemption arc for Pyro back before he died.  And now he’s on a ship that is taking medicine to humans that need it, and just built a hospital in Madripoor.  Maybe his experience being sick has given him a greater sense of empathy, and a desire to help sick people.  If Masque can find meaning using his powers to help humans, you’d think there would be space for Pyro to say something serious about his Legacy experiences while they are dedicating a new hospital.  Even just a throwaway line.  Hell, Storm was dying of some kind of nano-virus for part of Marauders (although it was never mentioned in the book at all), maybe he could have sympathized with her over that?  Maybe having Yellowjacket inside him - another case in which his body has been invaded by something microscopic that can kill him - triggered some Legacy feelings?  We could have explored that, instead we got a “funny” scene of Magneto pulling Yellowjacket out of Pyro, and Pyro wanting to kill him. 

3. Team bonding - Pyro has been accepted on the team surprisingly quickly.  Faster than I would expect, really.  And of course, he’s small-potatoes evil compared to even some people on the Council, but I’d still expect a little bit of friction between him and his team-mates, given that he used to try to kill them.  Even without that history, he’s still the odd man out on a team that already knows each other, and are friends, or at least former team-mates.  We had that kind of friction with Emma and Storm, why would we not get that friction between Pyro (the former terrorist criminal) and the others?  I would have expected at least a little bit of distrust, followed eventually by some kind of bonding issue where Pyro is more accepted by the team, and in turn accepts his place with them.  Who does he even consider a friend when he refers to them as “his friends”?  He seems to like hanging out with Bishop and Iceman, but we’ve mostly gotten that through wordless background panels and a couple of “funny” scenes.  Do any of them even like him or consider him a “friend,” or do they just tolerate his presence?   

4. Writer - One of the things I find most interesting about Pyro is that he had a whole-ass career before joining the Brotherhood.  He traveled around Southeast Asia, he was a journalist in Indonesia and Vietnam, he wrote romance novels.  And most writers don’t explore that at all, but you’d think it would come up when the Marauder is traveling around the ocean.  Maybe he speaks another language that would be helpful.  Maybe his investigative skills as a journalist come in handy.  Maybe he takes them to an old haunt or meets up with an old contact he knew in Vietnam.  Maybe he spends his spare time writing smutty historical pirate-themed romance.  I would have enjoyed that much more than the goofy “dream sequence” that Emma planted in his head, at least that would have felt like authentic character development rather than something being pushed upon him from the outside.  Most comics writers don’t really get into Pyro’s civilian career, but as a regular on a book, I’d expect it to come up at least once, even as a thowaway line.

5. Brotherhood and past history - Pyro has had absolutely no contact (that we know of) with his old Brotherhood pals.  He doesn’t even mention them.  Why is that?  Why isn’t he hanging around the bar with Blob when the Marauder’s at Krakoa?  Why isn’t he texting Avalanche?  Has he become estranged from them after saving Kelly (which would be an interesting plot point if Duggan developed it), or is he just hanging out with them off panel?  You’d think there would be some mention of his past history at some point.  Even in today’s issue, when he, Iceman and Bishop got attacked by Reavers.  Pyro has a history with Reavers!  He fought them on Muir Island as part of Freedom Force, and the team lost both Stonewall (which happened right in front of Pyro, and he seemed broken up about it) and Destiny (which completely destroyed Mystique).  The Reavers in this issue were not the same ones, they were a new breed, but you’d think Pyro might have something to say about encountering Reavers again. 

6. The gay thing - This is more my own personal preference, but Pyro WAS deliberately queer-coded in his earliest appearances, and John Byrne intended for him to be gay.  They couldn’t openly write him that way back in the day, but nowadays I think no one would bat an eye if Pyro, a fairly minor villain, was somewhere on the LGBT scale.  He wasn’t always queer-coded, but he had an ambiguous relationship with Avalanche, his sexuality was never firmly established (he was never in an open romantic relationship anyone), and he died a lingering, painful death from the virus that was intended to be an AIDS metaphor.  It would be quite interesting to see Pyro as a closeted gay (or bisexual) man resurrected in a world where different sexual orientations are far more accepted, and slowly opening up about it to Bobby and Christian (or even Shinobi).  Not to mention, it would give Bobby and Christian more to do, and Christian could talk about his own traumatic experiences without it being all swept under the rug.

7. Doubts about Krakoa - When the team first met Pyro, he was trying to steal a boat and run off, because he’d realized that his resurrection was mostly just a lab experiment to test the process.  Now he seems to be all-in, and dedicated to the Marauders’ mission.  What changed?  Does he harbor any doubts about the Quiet Council, or is he a true believer now?  Does he EVER talk to Mystique, to whom he used to be extremely loyal?  Pyro can be written as dumb at times, but more frequently he comes across as one of the more intelligent and thoughtful Brotherhood members.  Maybe he’s decided that everything on Krakoa is so new and confusing, he’s just gonna turn his brain off and enjoy his new life?  That would also be fine, if it was actually treated as character development.  

8. Divided loyalties - If I’d expect anyone to betray the team, it would be Pyro.  And that doesn’t necessarily mean I want him to do that, but I’m surprised it hasn’t come up.  You’d think Shinobi or Sebastian Shaw would approach him to act as a mole in exchange for lots and lots of money.  Hell, I half-expected him to be spying for Mystique when he first showed up.  And again, it could still happen, but there’s been no lead up or suggestion of that at all.  I would honestly find it disappointing if Pyro suddenly turned on the team or was revealed to be a spy, because he hasn’t bonded with them well enough for it to be meaningful at all. 

The thing is, any of these ideas could be explored, and still keep Pyro as the comic-relief party animal that Duggan is currently writing.  He wouldn’t even have to have significantly more focus (although some focus would be nice).  This could be accomplished through small scenes, little asides, throwaway lines.  Duggan wastes so much page time setting up “moments” and atmosphere (Kitty and Emma riding horses up to Sebastian’s castle comes to mind).  He spent a whole issue beating up Sebastian Shaw without any other significant plot advancement (then crams all his plot into the issues that feature other characters).  He spent a few pages on a goofy fantasy dream sequence that told us nothing new about Pyro, and again, turned out to a falsely manufactured dream that Emma planted in his mind.  We could have used those pages to show Pyro writing something, or show a different side of him through Yellowjacket’s spying, and it STILL could have been comic-relief.  If Duggan actually wanted to explore Pyro in a more serious way, there’s both the space and potential for it.  He just.....doesn’t. 

Anyway, this is all wishful thinking of what could be.  I’ll just have to write fanfic or something. 

[analyzingadventure]

Psi: What we’ve learned so far (1-8)

Before we get into the actual thing, I wanna explain what this post is going to be about and why I’m writing it; if you’re not really interested in that you can skip ahead

On my first watch of Psi’s first 19 episodes, I’ve had this struggle with the series. To me it has often felt like the world of Psi feels empty and hollow, the characters shallow, and the pacing of the first arc has felt off, like the pace of the overall story going at a snail’s pace and little to nothing actually happening in each episode.

Now there’s three main elements that I think could be causing this impression on me. First, it’s the unavoidable comparison to Adventure, a series I am far too familiar with for my own good if we’re being honest, and a series where I could probably list off every imporant detail from each episode from sheer memory. Second, I often enjoy a series better on a rewatch, my first impressions tend to be incredibly luke-warm and because I’ve only experienced the story once, I don’t remember it quite as well as something I’ve seen at least a dozen times. So between these two factors, it is very possible that my first impression of Psi’s first 19 episodes has felt as negative as it did due to nostalgic overfamiliarity vs unfamiliar first impressions.

But there is that third factor too. It is entirely possible that Psi just isn’t written like Adventure (not nececarily better, more like “in a way that panders to me”), and my observations of it so far have been accurate

And really, I just want to get to the bottom of it. I want to try and figure out why Psi has felt the way it has to me so far, and that is why I’m going to make these posts (because this post is way too long already and I had to split it into two parts)

So what this is going to be is quite simple to be honest; like I mentioned above, I could probably list every major story element in Adventure for each episode from memory, where as with Psi I can’t do that. So in this post I am just going to rewatch each episode of Psi and write down what we learn about the series in each episode; what we learn about the world, the characters, the mechanics, the lore, the beings that live in it. This is mainly so that I can form a better, slightly more objective view of Psi in my mind instead of depending on the vague memory I have of it so far.

And yes, this is going to be just, mostly, me writing bullet point notes of obvious things we learn in each episode; not plot summaries or a timeline of key-events, just things we can “learn” from the episode. For example, while a Digimon evolving is a key-event, if we don’t learn anything new about the Digimon that relates to their backstory or personality, then it’s not worth mentioning, and will try to do my best to not repeat information that gets re-inforced through out different episodes. Also, this isn’t a critique of Psi’s writing

Also, I am going to do my best to write these from the perspective of “not knowing anything”, in the sense that I’m trying to parse out info and write it out like someone who knows nothing about Digimon would be able to get out of it. Also, I won’t nececarily write these in the order they happen in the episode, rather I might write what we learn from specific subjects in bulk (character establishment, world building, etc)

One last thing, I could possibly do this for Adventure later on, just for comparison’s sake, if I have the time, but first let’s just start with this.

Episode 1: Tokyo Digital Crisis

Opening Monologue doesn’t get too many points for what we learn from it as it is an opening monologue, stating kind of obvious stuff we’ll learn very fast, but none the less; it’s the year 2020, our world is connected by the Network, and in there live Digimon

Tachikawa Computer; minor foreshadowing for later

We're introduced to the main character Taichi, supporting cast Koushirou, getting a decent idea of their main personality traits (Taichi is friendly and very open, while Koushirou is polite, a little bit more withdrawn/closed) and briefly get to see Hikari (as well as Mama Yagami and Miiko)

Taichi is putting great effort into preparing for the summer camp; he’s the type of person who likes to plan ahead it seems. That said he can also rush into action without thinking if he’s worried enough/the situation is dire enough; this is elaborated when Taichi learns his family could be in danger, when he leaps in to catch the falling Koromon, or when he leaps into battle with Agumon

Taichi is surprisingly calm when realizing he’s been spirited away and sees a weird little disembodied pink head floating in space, only really appearing shock after a small dinosaur speaks to him; he sometimes needs a moment for everything to settle in before he even knows how to react

Taichi is more than willing to get physical beat up weird monsters

Koromon knows Taichi’s name, and Taichi somehow heard Koromon calling him; there’s a mysterious connection between these two

Agumon is more than happy to see Taichi, immidiately willing to both protect him and help him achieve his goals; Agumon seems to love Taichi unconditionally, despite only meeting him for the first time

We learn that one of the primary features of Digimon is their ability to evolve, Koromon evolving all the way to Greymon and the unnamed enemy’s (Algomon’s) evolutions being examples of this

There is a mysterious, unknown force in this universe, one that tends to manifest in the form of mysterious, glowing symbols (the Crests), that will appear in certain moments to certain people (our main characters), almost like it’s reacting to said people’s actions and/or feelings

Taichi and Koushirou are both granted mysterious devices, which we soon learn can be used for communication purposes as well as evolution, the devices coming from seemingly the same mysterious light/force as the symbols

Digimon causing issues within the Network have an immidiate effect in the electronics of the Human World, and the Digimon rampaging in the Network are willing to hurt and kill other Digimon too (not that many seem to be present there); they are an active threat to everyone but themselves and need to be dealt with

We see glimpses of other children who seem to have a 6th sense, reacting to Taichi’s actions (establishing the connection between the kids); foreshadowing

Taichi and Koushirou aren’t the only ones who have been sucked into this mess with Digimon, there’s another child within the Network as well, with his own Digimon along side hime

Episode 2: War Game

The villian of this Opening Arc, the Algomon, seems to act like a hivemind

Yamato is established as being distant and somewhat cold, seemingly uninterested in others as he’s more focused on other (more imporant?) things. He also seems to be more experienced in dealing with the Digital World/Digimon (in Taichi’s mind who wonders how experienced Yamato really is with Digimon). Despite how cold he seems from the outsite however, Yamato will quietly make plans and put them into motion, expecting others to catch on and follow up. His general unwillingless to intentionally and clearly team up is a character flaw for him though, it causes issues during battle and it’s something he struggles with. But he also worries about causing harm to Garurumon (and Greymon), so he does care for the well-being of others; all of this could suggest that Yamato is a tsundere

Greymon and Garurumon are established as knowing each other, implying they have a history

Greymon and Garurumon both tell the kids they can handle the rough plan; they’re comforting

The episode fleshes out the severity of the danger Digimon rampaging within the Network can cause; it can reach nuclear disaster leveks

We learn that Digimon can fuse

Feathers appear to Hikari and Takeru; foreshadowing for later. When the feathers touch their hands, mysterious symbols appear once more, implying a connection between them coming in contact with the feathers (and what they symbolize) and the fusion of Digimon

Episode 3: And to the Digital World

Taichi clearly loves his sister and takes good care of her

Hikari seems to know more than she lets on

A connection between Yamato and Takeru is established, as well as the fact that Yamato isn’t in Tokyo (at the moment at least)

Sora is established, us learning that she is a character much respected and liked by her classmate and that she and Taichi know each other really well (also we see an unnamed character fumbling comedically; foreshadowing for later)

When the danger was cleared, Taichi and Yamato were returned were they came from; whatever summoned them will also return them when their duty has been completed

A new mysterious threat is introduced to have been born, its birth causing massive power outtages and electrical issues

We see three lights fly through the gates of the Network, followed by three other lights;we learn that six children have been spirited away

We see the Digital World for the first time. Unlike the Network’s surreal, Tron-like landscapes with no sentient life in sight, nor water, clouds, plants or anything, the Digital World is alive and beautiful, though clearly fantastical based on the strange, arching mountains in the distance, and it’s fantastic, digital inhabitants

The fused Digimon is super duper strong and has some special powers that Greymon and Garurumon didn’t have; there’s a distinct difference in the level of power

Episode 4: Birdramon Soars

We get to know Sora a lot better in this episode, she could be described as being Just Really Cool; she seems to be super chill (not like “laid back”, more “cool”), taking in being thrown into a different world really well and calmly, not even surprised by the existence of Digimon aside from them being able to talk. Sora was also in the middle of buying supplies to get through the power outtages before getting summoned to the DW, so she’s come in well-prepared. Whether she went out to buy the supplies because she was requested to, or she did out of her own inniative, it does indicate she’s very responsible and trusthworthy. Much like Taichi too, Sora isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty, being more than willing to come rescue Piyomon from the mouth of a giant mantis monster

Piyomon, scared out of her mind, doesn’t really do or say much for a long time, only clinging onto Sora for her dear life, until a calm washes over her as she seems to remember or recognise something; when Piyomon wakes up, she knows Sora’s name without ever being told it, much like how Agumon knew Taichi’s name, and Piyomon tells Sora she’s been waiting for her. Sora being present also brought confidence to Piyomon, inspiring her to be active instead of fleeing from danger, as she now has someone to protect.

We’re introduced to the kind Tentomon and his odd Osaka-accent; Tentomon, being more familiar with his home world, explained all sorts of things to Koushirou. Tentomon, much like a parent would, thanked Taichi “for looking after Koushirou”, indicating that while the two have only known each other for a short time, Tentomon is very fond of Koushirou, much like Agumon is of Taichi

We are introduced to an ominous silhouette, most likely a future villian

The DW lies within the deepest part of the Network, so the DW isn’t a separate world from the Network, just a specific section of it. Also, athough we had previously not seen Digimon the Net beyond the relevant characters Whamon being there do imply that some Digimon do indeed just like to hang out within the Network

Within the Digital World there are tablets and stone ruins of an ancient civilization, with text written on them; the Digivice react to the ancient texts, guiding the children to them and using the children as vessels, translate the message to them. The texts are instructions to guide the children, meaning whoever wrote them centuries ago, for-saw the coming of the children. At the mountain we see more ruins mysterious writings and ancient statues of winged figures. If it is a temple as Sora thinks, then that implies the existence of a religion that is or was worshipped in this world

Moving away from the lake, what we next see of the DW looks like a tropical paradise, with lots of lush jungles and forests with plants both familiar and strange. But through out the world there are these tiny visual “glitches” all around, small colorful lines and dots scattered through out, which give the world a subtle, artificial feel. There’s also a glittery rainbow mountain in the distance, further driving in the point that we aren’t in Japan anymore

We do learn that despite the world looking like a paradise, the Digimon do seem to hunt and eat each other for food; the aren’t many food sources then (like Meat Trees), or if there are, some Digimon ignore those for the Fresh Meat instead

The episode starts out kind of suggesting that maybe Sora ended up in the Digital World by accident, but as the episode progresses it gives out suggestions and hints that maybe Sora didn’t come by accident after all until she finally gets her Digivice. This is foreshadowing for the idea that none of the Children came by accident, they were brought there on purpose and for a reason.

We learn that while the kids can make the Digimon evolve, the Digimon will revert back once a danger is cleared

Episode 5: The Holy Digimon

Koushirou can remain calm even when swallowed by a Digimon, as long as he has his comfort item (tablet); foreshadowing for later

Koushirou can be a little bit shy, embarassed to repeat himself saying that maybe they were meant to meet

Tentomon really loves Koushirou

We learn that Orgemon (whose name we learn in this episode) can’t speak very clearly, which probably implies he’s not very smart; not all Digimon have the capacity to full-speech it seems

We see the super ominous silhouette of a yet unnamed villian sending orders to Orgemon; we have a hierachy, and this guy is at the top of it

We learn for sure that the kids are being specifically targetted and being tracked by the dark Digimon, the troops being lead by Orgemon and some small surveilance Digimon (SoundBirdmon) that can control other Digimon with the power of sound, as well as send messages between Digimon

The Holy Digimon tells us that the warriors that fought in the war long ago were reborn, Agumon, Piyomon and Tentomon being the reincarnations; the three take notice of specific Digimon in the Holy Digimon’s vision (themselves no doubt) and the sight brings them to tears; although they can’t remember anything, their souls/hearts can, and what they experienced must’ve been sad

Agumon doesn’t remember evolving into Omegamon, despite remembering meeting Taichi; this must imply that evolving to Omegamon was a blur even for him

There once was a large city in the location of the temple, with beautiful, artistic architecture; the former civilization here was truly prosperous

The rainbow glitter wasn’t as much of a mountain as it was a desert (or a mountain range, hard to tell which)

We learn that this land mass of unknown size (is it an island or is it a continent? Never stated) isn’t the only ones, there’s oceans at least one continent beyond it, its name being Cloud Continent

We see a small village in the middle of the forest, the houses looking sort of like hollowed out pumpkins with palm leaves coming from the top; while major civilization has crumbled in this post-apocalyptic Digital World, with most Digimon seeming to live on their own like, minding their own business, some Digimon do form communities

We learn the name of the Digivice

We learn that the statues at the temple are depictions of certain Holy Digimon, and that with the last of their powers they had left a message for the children from beyond the grave as they’ve passed a long time ago

The Holy Digimon had had a premonition that human children equipped with Digivices, also known as the Chosen Children, were “a power” that could surprass the natural law of evolution

It’s not quite explicit, but we are vaguely introduced to the evolution stages and their names (the natural law of evolution)

We gain confirmation that the feathers we have seen through out the series so far are indeed connected to the Holy Digimon

We learn that the Holy Digimon were ones that “governed the good of the Digital World”, most of them and the city that once stood in the place of the temple perishing in a great war between light and dark when dark Digimon disturbed the balance between the two.

The major parties on the side of light in that war were a great army of holy Digimon, eight special holy Digimon, six warriors and even Omegamon, who managed to vanquish the darkness at the cost of their own lives

We do learn that the six warriors turned into eggs, and are told that the Chosen Children would appear to guide the ressurected souls once the enemy would make a move once more

We learn that Taichi and co must go find the Holy Digimon of Light and Hope at the Cloud Continent as they will fight along side them against the dark Digimon

Although the Network is tightly connected to the Human World, the Digital World isn’t; disaster taking place there won’t affect the Human World. We also learn that monitoring the spread of dark in the Network is impossible to do from the Digital World

Episode 6: The Targeted Kingdom

We’re introduced to Mimi, the queen of Mimi Kingdom, the village we saw in the previous episode that she took over between being spirited away and Taichi’s group arriving.

Mimi, much like Sora is pretty cool with the situation she’s in. Ehile we do learn she was lonely after being stranded in the DW alone, after Palmon joined her side she’s been seemingly a-okay, not afraid at all of being (as far as she knows) the only human in a different world. In fact she is super into ensuring her kingdom remains peaceful and her underlings well-fed, as she has put great efforts into making sure Tuskmon don’t come and steal all the fruit the Tanemon live on. Mimi has a kind heart, and that she hates seeing others suffer.

We also learn the Tachikawa Industries we had heard about was her family’s, her grandpa being the chairman. Mimi’s grandpa must be important to her as hearing his words on video touched her, reminding Mimi she has to do what she can, which to her translated to taking care of her adorable underlings. Those same words later inspire her to leave her beloved kingdom behind to help the other kids

Palmon adores Mimi a lot, acting in a kind of enabling way, playing into and encouraging the whole Queen-thing just to make sure Mimi’s confortable and happy, feeling loved.

The Tanemon have a signaling system to pass messages on; whether this system was set up and taught to the Tanemon by Mimi or if they have invented it before Mimi took the kingdom over is unclear

Although Orgemon seems to lack intelligence based on his very basic speech, we do learn that he is a Digimon of honor, and losing his horn has gravely hurt his honor

This landmass does seem to be mostly forest as far as the eye can see (aside from the rainbow mountain range/dunes and the lake-area)

We learn time passes at a different rate between the Human World and Digital World, the DW being much faster, the time becoming more distorted the deeper into the Network you go (the Digivices somehow bypass the distortion to ensure communication happens at the same rate)

We see what a near-death Digimon looks like; colors washed out, glitching in and out a little, but evolution will instantly heal the Digimon from that near-death state back to full health  

Episode 7: That Boy is Kido Jyou

We learn Mimi likes tea and has been teaching Palmon how to make tea; she also seems to enjoy things that make her come off like she’s a KIND, LOVING pampered rich kid, as indicated by her cup and chair etc

We learn that Palmon was familiar with the area and was able to guide the kids to the ocean (something Agumon and Piyomon couldn’t do)

Jyou is so serious about passing his exams it’s kind of becoming an unhealthy obsession for him, to the point he might somewhat lash out and take his anger out by beating up trees and even self-harming. This kid, is super stressed out, the weight of his family’s achievements (everyone being doctors) really pushing him down. Due to this, he is super unwilling to go save the world, all that matters to him is making sure he can study and pass his exams so he can have a prosperous future. Jyou also doesn’t seem to like himself much, as he asks if Gomamon was disappointed by what his partner human was like

Jyou is studying for his exams, as he has priorities set straight and nothing will stop him from passing his tests, not even being spirited away into a different world all alone. While seeing other kids did make him somewhat glad, it was only because he assumed it meant there was a way out of this world so he could get back to his life.

Although Jyou said he wouldn’t participate in the world saving business, he did keep an eye Gomamon, and seeing him get hurt did send Jyou running; while Jyou tried to seem like he didn’t care, he did, a lot

Unlike Jyou, Gomamon is super willing to go save the world; if Jyou’s duty is to study, Gomamon’s duty is to save the world, and Gomamon would like it if Jyou realized they share their duties. Even without Jyou, Gomamon is willing to help as much as he can, even if he’s alone

Gomamon is super observant, seeing how and why Jyou is struggling, and he just wants to help Jyou too, Gomamon even “nursed Jyou” back to health after finding him passed out in the DW

We learn that Taichi, Sora and Jyou (as well as Koushirou) do go to the same school, its name being Musako Elementary

The hut we’ve seen was either built by Gomamon (which implies that Gomamon is super crafty), an unknown party or was always there; Jyou didn’t build it as he woke up inside it after Gomamon brought him there

In the Human World we see it is now evening, the kids having been spirited away sometime around noon-afternoon.

We do see that Jyou has spent at least one night in the DW, which could mean the other kids have as well, if not even more

Episode 8: The Children’s Attack

Ikkakumon is strong enough to swim across the ocean while carrying 4 kids and 3 Child Digimon

We learn Jyou gets motion sickness and that he can’t swim

Jyou is somewhat irritated and/or imidated by a kid 3 years younger than him having so much info and being more aware of the current situation, which ties into his need of trying to be in-control of the situation and lead the group; this leads to Jyou trying to be responsible and ensure everyone survives unharmed by surrendering to the enemy (his heart is in the right place)

We learn that Yamato has been on his own this whole time; considdering the other kids were brought to this world, scattered around a little, it is possible Yamato was brought directly onto the Cloud Continent

Yamato is charmed and touched by the other kids and the Digimon cheering him on and believing in him, despite him being so cold to them; he is super tsundere

The first thing we see of the Cloud Continent is a beach with high cliffs and a lone fortress guarding it. On the outside the enemy fortress looks like old and realistic (in the sense that you could probably find a fortress like this in our very real world), but is straight from a sci-fi movie; the enemies have access to some advanced technology

With this episode taking place over night, we are moving onto at least Day 3 (if not further)

We see the Black Miasma for the first time

[wiltedwisterias]

Useful Things To Know When Writing Pianist Characters/Characters that play the piano

From someone who’s been playing the piano for more than 10 years. 

Things that happen during practice that you might not have known

Weird sheet music cuts are among the worst things to ever exist, and it occurs more often than you’d think. Page changes occur during the middle of a phrase or a section a lot of the time and this is the most annoying thing ever if you don’t have the entire piece memorized when practicing because it completely disrupts your flow, it cuts off the emotion and the transition from phrase to phrase won’t be smooth because you’re constantly interrupted at the same spot.

Playing the piano can be a very sweaty experience (not very attractive yeah), especially when you’re practicing, because you’re putting in a lot of concentration and there’s a lot of physical exertion for a long period of time (playing sonatas and concertos require stamina I am not kidding). But you can’t turn up the fan speed because that will in turn, create the problem of sheet music flying off the music rack in the middle of your practice! I live in a tropical country where it’s hot as hell all the time and let me tell you that sweating buckets when practicing is the norm.

Clicking fingernails. Pianists never have long nails, because the sound of nails clicking on the piano keys absolutely ruins the music. If a pianist hears their nails going clickity-clack when playing, it’s a bright neon sign to go cut their nails.

Getting distracted. Duh. I often go to YouTube in the middle of practice because I’m not sure how a section is supposed to sound like, so I have to listen to and learn from professionals who know what they’re doing (unlike me). However, sometimes I get whisked away by the video recommendations and 30 minutes later I’m watching child prodigies playing Paganini Caprices instead of practicing. D:

Technical flaws to piano playing (can be used to criticize others or when your character is practicing)

Uneven chords. When two or more notes have to be played together by one hand, it’s best to press all the notes at the same time so a clear, sharp sound is produced. Some compositions have consecutive and fast chords, which can lead to uneven chords with insufficient practice or if the pianist is less skillful.

Inaccurate jumps. Jumps are a pain in the arse. Imagine that you’re playing the piano and really feeling it, and suddenly you slam on the completely wrong notes. Most of the time, it’s not a mistake that’s easy to cover up, more so if they’re chords.

Faked running notes. Not exactly “faked” per se, but it’s very easy to slip and miss a handful of notes during runs and it’s something that could pull someone out of your performance, especially someone with a trained ear or who’s familiar with the piece. Normally it’s not a big mistake, but it does spoil the quality of the music.

Speeding up. I think this is something that all musicians tend to do when they’re either excited or nervous, due to the adrenaline. Personally I feel like this sometimes does allow the musician to feel the music and enter the “zone” more easily but sometimes it causes them to slip in the already-fast passages as well, since they’re going faster than they are used to. 

Unclear dynamics and phrasing. Dynamics and phrasing are gigantic parts of classical music in general and they can define an entire performance. A performance with unclear dynamics and phrasing is like a movie with a bland and ill-thought-out plot. You’d want listeners to be able to distinguish and feel the ups and downs of the music, not feel bored out by it.

Too much pedaling. If you’re familiar with piano you should know that pianos have a sustaining pedal that is used to sustain notes that would otherwise be out of reach and produce a richer, fuller sound. However, the pedal should be changed (lifted and pressed again) every few beats, or else the piece will sound noisy. This can become a problem because sometimes, pianists themselves don’t notice that the sound gets blurry, as the vibrations spread out away from them, and listeners will have to point it out to them.

Other things to note:

Statistics prove that females generally have shorter fingers than males, which can be a disadvantage to playing piano, mainly because of the inability to reach wide chords in compositions, though this can be solved by playing them in arpeggios (spreading the notes out to play instead of playing them all at once). Another thing is that having longer fingers can minimize wrist movements which makes playing easier.

Every single piano has a different touch when playing, due to the difference between the weight of the keys. In addition, keyboards, clavinovas, upright pianos, baby grand pianos and grand pianos all have different technologies in producing the sound. Keyboards aren’t favorable most of the time as they are relatively shorter (have less keys) and the keys are very shallow in comparison with an actual piano, which limits the music dynamics (loudness and softness) that can be produced. The good thing about keyboards and clavinovas though is that nowadays, most of them have audio jacks, so pianists can play with earphones/headphones plugged in, which makes it much more convenient for practicing as the sound won’t impact other people living in the same building/vicinity.

Regarding practice time: in all honesty this probably differs from pianist to pianist. Nevertheless, professional pianists generally practice 4-5 hours a day. For people that play the piano as a hobby or on the side, practice duration is usually much shorter. As an example, I used to try and squeeze in 2 hour practices on Saturdays and Sundays for my Grade 8 exam as my weekdays were packed full with school and co-curricular activities, this however, was the best-case scenario. If I had other activities on weekends, piano would be deprioritized and practice duration would be made up for during the next week. It was the same for all my classmates who played the piano outside of school as well, but keep in mind that this kind of practice schedule isn’t ideal and it’s best to practice every day even if it’s just 15 minutes per day. When I started preparing for my diploma exam, I tried my best to practice at least an hour a day because I was scared of failing it hahaha. Once again, practice duration and schedule is highly specific for every individual based on where piano is placed on their priority list.

I hope this was helpful! I’m also planning to do more posts like this so feel free to ask me if you have any questions :D 

[tarithenurse]

Stolen - 7

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson &/x fem!gifted!reader Content: The feels. The feeEEEEeeels! And some plot-thickening/motivation. A/N: Wow....I’ve actually gotten quite a bit of writing done the last couple of days! Also: I hope y’all don’t mind but the story here is sprouting a lot of extra “stuff” so it’s going to be a longish series. Hopefully worth it!

7. The Reflecting God

…   Loki   …

The people of Midgard once revered him as the God of Chaos and Mischief and while the latter might be true he hadn’t always considered himself fitting of the former. However a sharp mind capable of thinking several steps further ahead combined with a somewhat impulsive desire could disguise even the coldest of logic and eventually Loki grew to hone his role as the unpredictable, self-serving character people viewed him as – within the confinements of his own moral code.

Morals.

Favoured by Frigga during his upbringing, Loki had abandoned everything she had taught him when his world came tumbling down. Lashing out in anguish, he gleefully embraced the role of a monster. Wrecked havoc. Thought himself a true menace unworthy of love.

Unworthy.

As despised and feared as the Jotun came to be, he soon found the real meaning of “monster” in someone else but by then it was too late to flee. Caught in a cage made of his own flesh and mind, Loki remained standing by sheer stubbornness and twisted pride while trying to outsmart not just the proclaimed master but himself too.

Stubborn.

The woman lying listless is another than last time just like the resting place is different too: the Midgardian lies on a simple bed with dark purple covers. The tool he stole under the watchful eyes of the damned Avengers and Loki’s own brother who cares strongly of the mortals and their pitifully brief existences. A dullness has stolen over her skin and smothered the lustre of her hair. Her breath is shallow, barely enough to lift the chest.

She should’ve stopped earlier. It would’ve been the logical thing to do, to preserve enough power to keep standing. Clearly the Priestess was already well on her way to recovery and there would have been other reason to continue healing. Why would -? “You still have to convince me.” Loki’s own words ring mockingly in his mind.

“I told you to seize,” he hisses at her without expecting an answer.

Lashes flutter, creating dancing shadows upon the cheekbones. “Call him...off.” The words are barely audible, and the Jotun would have missed them if not for his inhuman senses. “Don’t let...A-arox...kill them.”

Foolish woman! Scared of the toll simply speaking must take, he shushes [Y/N]. “They’re safe.”

They have been all this time because Arox should still be on board the ship, having never received an order of the kind she fears. What good would it serve me to kill them even if you did not comply? She would never have known for sure until the day she returned home – if that ever happened again. Of course, Loki has no intention of telling her this.

...  Reader   ...

The words come from far off at first. A meaningless jumble of sound that comes and goes together with your consciousness, but you know the voice and the familiarity is soothing as your body makes its mind up whether to wake or sleep.

“It was...not my proudest moment... ...emotions clouded... ...no excuse...”

Finding no sense without the beginning of the tale, you begin to pay attention to other things such as the soft matres, the scent of leaves and flowers. Something cold occasionally strokes your forehead, soothing a throbbing headache you would love to get rid of.

You almost move your hand when memories start hitting you like hail. Sharp and cold, they pierce the state you have been floating in. Loki. The coldness on your skin belongs to him. The priestess. You know that somehow you managed to do as the ass hole of a god wanted, the pretty elf-like alien should be alright and maybe, only maybe, your loved ones home on Earth are too. But someone always dies. You remember New York and the horror Loki had brought to it.

“It was my fault.” Softly spoken, you barely believe what Loki just whispered. “I allowed my rage and hatred to blind me. Perhaps I thought...it was better than the pain but I soon learned I was wrong...a theory which my so-called father confirmed even as I was hanging above the abyss.” You could be mistaken, but it sounds like your abductor’s voice is cracking. “I fell, thinking that would be it...only to find the nightmare had just begun.” He pauses briefly to play with your hair. “He is still coming...for the stones...for me, maybe. I cannot let him. Pray I have time, my dear. That I can rebuild Jotunheim and enough warriors will find their way there to stand against the evil that awaits.” Again, his fingers soothe your forehead, trembling slightly as the hand drifts to cup one of your cheeks. “I must find somewhere you can be safe...”

A loud knock on the door startles him and you grab the opportunity to pretend being woken up, knowing full well what Loki said hadn’t been meant for your ears. He’s glaring at the door as if he could explode it just by staring hard enough or at least guarantee silence. Of course, he isn’t successful in either. Sighing, he glances at you as he gets up and a flicker of something warm lights up his bottle-green eyes for a split second.

“Fear not,” he urges softly before stalking to the door.

Rather than killing any of the knockers, Loki bows and moves aside to allow a veritable entourage to enter with the Priestess in the middle – though she’s not revealed before everyone begins to spread out around you in the bed and Loki who’s slipped between the many beautiful people to stand as close to you as possible. Scrambling to sit up, you are actually thankful for his nearness as he reaches out to steady you.

The Priestess steps forward, her purple eyes on you, and begins to talk. She goes on for a while before finally stopping to look at you expectantly.

“Allow me to summarize,” Loki offers, “she thanks you for what you’ve done and says you’re special because you possess the magic of the ancient Älfir.” Quickly he adds, “Her words, not mine. Furthermore, she says that anything she and the people of Alfheim can offer is yours.”

You don’t have to look at him to know what the Asgardian wants. “Gracious words, your...eminence. The honour is mine. My companion here is the one to deal with practicalities, I request that he speaks for me because I’m weary after...everything.”

It’s not even a lie – well, maybe the “companion”-part – but otherwise it’s spot on: you only had one purpose here and having lived up to the expectations you are absolutely wasted in a not fun way.

...  Loki   ...

Leaving the council chambers where they had gone to discuss the options, Loki knows he ought to be happy. Elated. Thrilled. Still a tendril of worry, unconnected to the Älfir compensation for their Priestess’ health, keeps him from enjoying the moment of victory. His steps beat a rapid tattoo, rushing him along the hallways – their glory lost on him – until he reaches the door to the chambers [Y/N] and he have been appointed.

Slipping inside, chest heaving from something else than physical exertion, he goes as far as to toe off the boots before continuing from one room to the next. Good. Curled onto her side, [Y/N] is sleeping fast. One hand clutched gently around the corner of the pillow while the other lays empty, palm upwards as though she half expects something to fill it.

Lowering himself to sit cross legged on the floor, Loki studies the serene face carefully. A bit of life’s glow has returned to adorn the cheeks and lips (slightly parted and letting out gentle, snoring puffs of air). Behind the eyelids there is movement. Perhaps she’s dreaming. It’s tempting to give in to curiosity yet he refrains. Let this be my one good deed towards you.

As if in silent answer, her empty hand twitches, fingers stretching towards him, and Loki now sees a furrow between the brows that deepens as the Midgardian’s body tenses. The barely audible snores from a moment ago twist into heartbreaking whimpers. A nightmare.

Instinctively, he grasps hold, memorizing the softness of her palm against his own cold skin and hoping against experience that his presence can bring peace for once. “Have no fear...I won’t allow anything to harm you ever again.”

Any other assurances are silenced as [Y/N] pulls his hand close to her chest and sighs in relief, apparently content and the monsters of her sleep have been chased away.

The Jotun, on the other hand, sits frozen in shock as his body is taken over by a soft, warm sensation.