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capsironunderoos · 4 years ago

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Please, Come Home

DINCEMBER - December 11 - “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)”

Din Djarin (The Mandalorian) x Reader

Summary: Din takes a job just before Life Day and wakes up to a message from his family.

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: A ~lil~ spice, if you really, really squint... other than that just a really angsty Din Djarin, and sad times spent apart from his cyare.

Author’s Note: I’m slowly catching up on my Dincember prompts! Tomorrow is my last day in the classroom before Christmas break, so I’ll be able to really catch up soon. Again, this is pretty short, but I hope you guys enjoy!

Here’s the previous prompt: DINCEMBER - December 9 - “Let It Snow”

And the link to my masterlist: capsironunderoos masterlist

It’s quiet on the Crest tonight, somber almost.

Din hasn’t had a moment like this to himself for too many rotations to count, so he sits in the pilot’s seat, the Crest on autopilot, arms crossed and helmet-clad head leaned back onto the headrest as he watches the stars pass by.

He’s been by himself for a few weeks now, but he doesn’t find the same peace in it that he used to.

Before you, and the child, he longed for moments spent on his ship, amongst the stars to just… be.

Now, he finds more peace when he’s sitting in his cabin with you and the child, snuggled up on the couch and under blankets as you quietly read aloud.

Over the past few months, Din had started to take less odd jobs. You’d both been saving credits for awhile so that the two of you could take a break, spend some time with Grogu, and see a little bit more of the galaxy.

This was his last big job for awhile, and he’d been tasked to hunt down a prince who had made a run for it during the middle of his own wedding ceremony.

Din had wanted to turn it down at first, because he hadn’t been presented with any leads or a tracking fob, and he knew that the job posed the possibility of running into his family’s Life Day celebrations.

You had encouraged him to take it, though, telling him that as soon as he returned you would have the bags packed and the three of you could embark on your adventure.

Plus, the reward for the safe return of the prince had been very steep, and neither of you could think of a reason to pass that up.

Over the weeks you’d been separated, Din had been receiving and sending holograms to you and the child.

Some of them were silly, as you were often interrupted by Grogu impatiently jumping into the hologram to show his papa a new drawing he had made, or to model a new robe you had bought for him in the small marketplace just below the cabin.

Some of the holograms were short but sweet, consisting of you giving Din a brief recap of your day, or of Din telling you good morning and that he loved you.

Others were reserved for late, dark nights on the Crest, when Din missed you so much that he was forced to work with the videos you sent specifically for his eyes only.

There were also one or two transmissions that he hated to think about.

You had sent one to him late one night as he slept, when he knew you should have been resting as well, crying silently in your shared bedroom. You told him how much you missed him, how hard your day had been, and how all you wanted was to crawl into bed beside him and have him tell you everything would be okay.

When he watched the message the next morning he found himself crying as well, finally acknowledging the fact that being apart for so long was taking its toll on the both of you.

Unfortunately, he was unsure as to how much longer he would need to be away before he could return home, and just as he had suspected, Life Day had arrived in the blink of an eye.

So, he sits now, in the pilot’s seat of the Crest, watching the stars as he awaits your transmission.

He knows there is one coming, because Grogu will beg to show Din the new toys he had opened up, as if you and Din hadn’t been the ones to buy them.

He smiles at the thought, knowing that he is waiting solely because you decided to spoil the child this Life Day, as if he wasn’t already spoiled enough.

It would take at least an hour for him to open all of his presents, if not longer.

Din finds himself laughing at the thought of Grogu becoming more enamored with the wrapping paper than the toy itself, as he had done in the past, and he can see the frustration, and love, written on your face as a result.

At that thought, he feels a soft pang in his chest.

He wants nothing more than to be there with you, sitting on the floor as your back rests against his chest, the both of you smiling at your kid as he has the time of his life.

Din can almost feel the warmth radiating from the fireplace, and he can almost smell the fresh pine decorations and the Hoth chocolate you’ve made.

Before he is granted the opportunity to slip further into his daydream, his console lights up with the familiar reminder that he has received a hologram.

Din wastes no time in sitting up in his seat and clicking the button for the message to play.

Suddenly, you are projected before him, the child in your lap as you both seem to look right at him.

“Hello my love!”

You call out, and he chuckles as Grogu squeals out a greeting as well.

“We have officially opened up most of our presents, haven’t we?”

You ask the child sitting in your lap, and he laughs at the way you make your voice sound funny when you ask him your question.

“Of course we saved some for when you return, Din. I want you to see him when he opens his presents, okay? I want you to have those memories too.”

Your voice wavers as you address him, and Din resituates himself in his seat to keep himself from focusing on the longing in your voice. You clear your throat and he is pulled back into the moment.

“Okay, Grogu, show your papa your favorite gift,” at your words, the child lifts a stuffed animal from under his robe, proudly holding it out to the hologram.

You laugh and so does Din.

Grogu is obviously very proud to be showing his dad his new toy, which just so happens to be in the shape of a Sorgan frog.

“Okay, now go get what I told you about,” you request through your laughter, and Grogu is quick to drop the toy in your lap and scramble down to run out of the frame.

When he disappears you continue to watch him, to make sure he is executing whatever plan the two of you had concocted correctly.

Din takes the opportunity to observe you for a moment.

He notes that your hair has gotten longer, and that your smile still makes his insides weak.

He also notices the way you fold your hands together in your lap to rest atop Grogu’s toy, and he thinks about how he would give anything to be sitting with you, holding your hands and pressing each knuckle to his mouth as you both wait on the kid to return.

He thinks about how you would smile up at him, and how you would plant a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth, just out of sight from Grogu.

“You got it?” You question, and his thoughts return back to the hologram.

Grogu babbles a response, and Din notices that he is pushing a box into the frame.

When he is satisfied that the box is where it needs to be, he turns to you for confirmation. You nod excitedly at him and he scrambles back into your lap, his small eyes and ears just barely visible over the top of the present.

“We have something for you to open up too, so we need you to come home soon.”

Din can’t seem to focus on the present clearly meant for him, as all he can see are the tears that have begun making their way down your face.

“Please come home, Din. We miss you. I miss you. I’m not sure how much longer…”

Your voice trails off when the kid looks up at you as a result of the sudden quiver in your voice.

“Tell papa goodbye, Happy Life Day, and that you love him,” you prompt, and Grogu manages to string together a couple of coos before he scrambles back out of your lap to go play with his new presents.

“Seriously, Din, I miss you. Please come home soon, I cannot stand loving you from afar. And I do, I love you across any expanse in the galaxy, but I want to love you here, in our home. I see how hard you’re working to provide for both me and Grogu, but I want you here to experience that life you make with us.”

You fall quiet for a moment as you ponder your words.

“I love you, Din Djarin, and I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon. Happy Life Day.”

With that, you blow a kiss into the hologram and the transmission stops.

Din presses the correct buttons to stop the projection and to archive the transmission before he begins setting up his space to send his own.

As the Crest prepares the proper technology, Din begins to talk to you as if you were there.

“I am coming home soon, cyare. I will not rest until I hold you in my arms once more.”

Here’s the next prompt for Dincember: DINCEMBER - December 14 - Cold

#dincember #din djarin #din djarin x reader #din djarin x y/n #mando #mando x reader #mando x y/n #the mandalorian #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian x y/n #star wars x reader #star wars #sw #baby yoda #grogu #Mandalorian #mandalorian x reader

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katyamorrigan · 3 years ago

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‘A Hotel on the Board is Worth Two on the Geldstraat’ - Chp. 1!

Gang banner by @verdiris

A Hotel on the Board is Worth Two on the Geldstraat

A trunk of contraband items ends up in the hands of the Crows, but the item that piques their curiosity most is the large box labelled “MONOPOLY”. Kaz is out of the Slat for the time being, so of course they decide to play it. Was there ever a mission more likely to fail than six criminals with lethal skills and undeniable emotional ties all trying to build a make-believe empire without killing each other in the process? Answer: yes - all of the above while attempting to pull off a heist at the same time.

Turns out board games weren’t the only interesting items shipped into Fifth Harbour that afternoon, and now the Razorgulls are interested. It will take all of the gang’s effort to break into two buildings full of rival gang members, regain possession of the contraband, and make it back to the Slat in one piece. And that’s without the inherent strains of playing at business negotiations with a group of decidedly underhand friends.

Join the Crows as they cheat, steal, lie, and bribe each other, all before the heist has even begun.

I am so excited to finally get to share the fic that I have been working on for the @grishaversebigbang over the last few months - A Hotel on the Board is Worth Two on the Geldstraat! Getting to take part in the Grishaverse Big Bang 2021 has been so much fun, and I have had the honour of working with an absolutely incredible gang of artists and the loveliest beta reader. It’s been an absolute blast, and this is one of my favourite things that I’ve written. Thank you so much to everyone that I’ve worked with, and I hope that you enjoy reading and admiring the story and art that we’ve created!

Here is everyone in my gang, with links to the work that they’ve created (some art may relate to chapters of the fic that haven’t been posted yet - the fic will be posted in its entirety within the next 3 weeks and the art will be linked within the fic on the relevant lines, but also there’s nothing that will spoil the story for you, so don’t worry!):

Corporalki: @davonysus (who is the most wonderful beta reader, thank you for everything that you contributed to this story!)

Materialki:

@ciph3rrr with hilarious Crows-minus-Kaz Monopoly shenanigans from Chapter 1

@j-wirth with this brilliant Inej and Wesper moment inspired by Chapters 2 and 7

@bloodysusher with a gorgeous group moment in Chapter 7

@verdiris with some amusing Kaz geniusness from Chapter 7

@maximumbluebirdpatrol (link still to come)

@emmaxtw (link still to come)

There are 7 chapters in total, so I shall be uploading a new one every Tuesday and Saturday until 25th September. Look below the cut for an excerpt from Chapter 1, and if you want to read the full thing (and check out the collection of all the other incredible pieces created for the GVBB) then click either of the links. I hope that you enjoy!

AHOTBIWTOTG Chapter 1 Excerpt:

The front door of the Slat opened with a loud clatter, and slammed shut on itself seconds later. It made Inej jump in her seat as she sat going over ship documentation - which, as it turned out, there was a lot of - in the front room. Nina gave her a look, and Inej wrinkled her nose back at her; the Wraith didn’t startle easily, but equally, there was usually less banging of doors while she tried to organise her finances.

“Honeys, I’m home!” Came Jesper’s voice. “And I brought treats!”

“It had better be more exciting than that time you came back from Cilla’s Fry with meat pies,” Inej called back. “That was underwhelming.”

“Speak for yourself,” Nina chimed in. “I was more than happy to finish up those.”

“We know.” Matthias gave her a knowing look, and Wylan sniggered as she raised a single finger at him in response.

The bickering that came from everyone trying to work on separate projects at the same time was one of the many reasons that Inej hadn’t made it past the first page of her sailing license. That being said, she joined in the chuckling at Nina’s expense.

“Oh, it’s definitely better than Cilla’s pies, but you’ll have to take a look for yourself.”

Jesper rounded the corner, a large trunk tucked under one slim arm. His face was bright from the brisk, cold air of the streets, and a bead of sweat dropped from his chin as he deposited the luggage on the table beside Inej. She sighed heavily as the wad of pages in front of her jumped with the sudden extra weight.

“Sorry,” Jesper grinned. She just rolled her eyes fondly in response.“Come on, who wants to see what I’ve got?”

Nina, Matthias and Wylan all got up from the neighbouring table and crowded around Inej and Jesper. It was uncomfortable having so many significantly taller people stood behind her while she was sitting, so Inej scooped up her papers and deposited them on the floor, taking their place on the table so that she could get a good look at the trunk.

“Where did you get that?” Matthias asked.

“Well, our dearest Kaz decided to put me on shipment duty and I had to wait around at the Exchange for a boat full of contraband to come in. It took hours, so as soon as I saw something that looked interesting, I used my innumerable skills to swipe it so that we could take a look inside.”

““Innumerable” is a long word for you,” Nina quipped.

A bubble of laughter rose up amongst the group, and Jesper stuck his tongue out childishly. “Fine, no contraband for you.”

“No, I want to look!”

“Be nice, then. I get first dibs on anything cool because I found it.”

Matthias snorted. “What happened to the ancient rule of “finder’s keepers”?”

“I found the trunk, therefore I found anything that’s inside it by proxy.”

“Can we just open it up?” Wylan said impatiently. “I feel like we’re building expectations by arguing like this – it’s probably smuggled whiskey or something.”

“Shouldn’t we wait for Kaz?” Inej asked. The others gave her a look of incredulity. “Where is he, anyway?”

There was a brief moment of looking at each other for answers, before Jesper answered decisively. “If he was so worried about what came in on the boat, he would’ve gone himself. And if he isn’t here now, then he’ll just have to accept whatever is left over from the spoils.”

“We aren’t actually pirates, you know,” Inej said.

“Not yet,” Jesper stage-whispered in reply, and Inej found herself grinning, pleased. “Gather around, then.” He beckoned everyone closer like a ringmaster at the centre of a performance.

Inej was surprised to find that her heart was actually beating faster with the thought of what might be inside. Wylan was probably right that they were getting themselves worked up over nothing, but all the same, she couldn’t help hoping that they found something rare or exciting. Perhaps it was gold? Guns? Something dangerous? You could never know when it came to the imports of Ketterdam, and for once Inej was glad for the intensity of life in the city. It could very well be something extraordinary.

The catches on the front of the trunk lifted easily, but there was a thick knot of string around the middle as well. Jesper struggled to untie it, so Inej slipped a knife from her sleeve and cut it off with one flick of her wrist. Giving her a mischievous look, Jesper dug his fingernails under the lid and with a crackle of flaking rust, the trunk opened.

On top there was a loose gauzy scarf clearly intended to keep moisture out of the trunk on the long sea voyage, which had definitely served its purpose; the red print had blotted itself onto the inside of the lid, and there were water stains on it where it had protected the rest of the cargo. Matthias and Nina went to grab it at the same time, but it ended up in Nina’s hands regardless as he passed it to her with a shy smile.

“I thought you would want it, so I was making sure no-one else got there first.”

Wylan made an exaggerated gagging noise, and Matthias’ expression quickly reverted to his familiar scowl.

“Aha!”

Jesper reached forward and pulled out two pistols, both only a little rusty and with a single blue gem stamped into the body of each. With impressive speed he turned around and mimed firing two shots at the wall before holstering them beside his favoured revolvers.

As Matthias pulled out a slim soft-covered book, Inej realised that she was far too focused on the discoveries of her friends and was going to miss out on finding her own treasures otherwise. Lifting up two more scarves – this time green and blue – she found another couple of books which she handed to Nina. Her friend’s focus was pulled away from adjusting her hair under her newly matching scarf to flicking through the pages and wrinkling her nose hard.

“I don’t recognise the language, but I can understand it well enough,” Nina mused.

“Where did the boat come in from, Jesper?” Wylan asked as he opened a small wooden keepsake box full of golden rings in varying levels of ornate decoration.

“Kaz didn’t say, and I’ll be honest, I didn’t pay much attention.”

Nina tutted and continued her reading with Matthias peering over her shoulder. With fingers now covered in rings, Wylan pulled out a long fur coat that smelt of mould. Removing its furry cuffs from the case, Inej reached into the trunk for what seemed to be the last item: a big box made of thick card, with a green cover and the word MONOPOLY emblazoned on the top. The lettering was incredibly clear, but it didn’t look as though it had been done by hand or with a printing press. It had an odd shiny feel to the outside as well, like it had been coated in order to keep out the damp.

Inej sat it on the table and lifted the lid. It came off easily, and revealed a large square of that same thick card in bright red that unfolded into a larger board with regular markings on it.

“What in the Saints’ names is that?” Nina remarked, putting down her reading material.

“I have no idea. It was at the bottom of the trunk.”

“Is it a map?” Wylan suggested.

“Doesn’t look like it,” Inej murmured as she put the board down and looked at what was left in the box.

Underneath that map-like object was a tray divided into several compartments, with little silver tokens collected in one, some colourful playing cards of an unknown variety in another, and some appealing little houses done in an unusual material in both green and red. Beside those lay a rack of what looked like currency, in the same shape and thickness as notes of kruge. Jesper immediately started rifling through it all, mixing up the various collections and inspecting them all with irregular attention. Although Wylan slapped his hand away with a tut, it clearly wasn’t out of lack of interest.

“What is it?” Nina asked again. Taking the board in her hands, she began to stumble through the words written on it.

“Collect 200… something, looks like it could be a currency symbol because it says “salary” after that, as you pass GO... Old Kent Road, another amount of money… sixty? Community chest, Whitechapel Road, same amount of money as the other square…”

As she turned it over in her hands, a slim white booklet fell out onto the table. Inej started forward and managed to snatch it up before anyone else did, although the gesture was useless as she immediately handed it to Nina, who skimmed over the first few lines and let out a delighted noise.

“It’s a game! A board game! Seems like you play by going around the board which has place names marked out on it, and you buy up the land so that you can build houses on it. And you compete to earn the most money.”

“Who’s sending weird foreign board games to Ketterdam?” Wylan said incredulously. “Are you sure it’s not got something contraband hidden in there somehow?”

Inej laughed. “Does a game based on financial gain not strike you as the most Kerch thing in the world? I can well believe a mercher bought this to educate their children on the fun of working under Ghezen.”

Wylan cracked a grin at that, and Nina snorted. She pushed the box towards him.

“Take a look if you want.”

He lifted up the tray of items and ran his fingers along the underside, then looked inside each of the little model houses as if there might be gemstones wedged in the base like on Jesper’s guns. Wylan tapped along the top of the board, but there were no hidden compartments or secret openings. It seemed as though they had genuinely come across some kind of entertainment from another country.

“Shall we play it?” Jesper said with a broad grin at everyone. “We’ve got nothing else on, have we?”

“I’m meant to have applied for my sailing license by the end of next week,” Inej said weakly, but she wasn’t much interested in her own excuse. This bizarre-looking game they had stolen by chance had already caught her attention far more than boat permits and crew-hiring documents.

“I’m happy to,” Matthias said, and Nina and Wylan nodded fervently as well.

“Perfect! Let’s not disturb everyone’s things down here, we can take it into another room.”

“Nobody’s bedrooms are big enough,” Nina complained. “Kaz is too cheap to give us enough space to actually enjoy our stay at The House of Brekker.”

“His bedroom is, though.”

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morganas-pendragons · 4 years ago

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Goodbye For Now | Din Djarin

I had a dream the same day this aired that incorporated Goodbye by Avril Lavigne... and yeah, this was born. I put a lot of my own experiences into this fic. It’s very personal. Regardless of that, I hope you enjoy!

tag: @earthtokace / @kyber-queen / @demigod-dragonrider-schoolidol

This is literally the first fic in years I’ve used Y/N and it’s just one line for the fic, and I think it’s the longest fic I’ve ever written on Tumblr.

Word count: 5.1k OOPS

After

In the quietness of a little room in the back of an inn on Nevarro, the question asked by a grieving Din Djarin rolls around in your mind. You hadn’t been able to give him an immediate answer. It was too fresh. Too heavy.

What’s the hardest part about letting go?

As The Mandalorian sleeps fitfully behind you with his arm wound tightly enough around your waist to ensure you do not disappear in his sleep - because has he not sacrificed enough? - you ponder his question as much as your sleep deprived mind is able.

Din.. I think the hardest part about letting go is being able to accept that the people you’re letting go of aren’t apart of your life anymore. They aren’t physically with you anymore. They aren’t imprinted on your memory, on your soul. You just have to let it... fade. Let them fade until they're just a story.

Your eyes flicker down to the ring that lays on your left finger.

But in a galaxy as remarkable as this one... There’s always that glimmer of hope that someday, maybe someday... they’ll come back to you. That they won’t leave you.

“And Grogu will never leave you Din.” You whisper, wrapping your hand around his forearm and lightly squeezing it as you settle into the warmth of his embrace. “Never.”

Before

Your blood chills in your veins at the words, “I go alone.” because there is no possible way in Sith hells you are allowing Din to walk onto that cruiser alone. As Bo-Katan reiterates the plan to the crew around you, your eyes are focused on the rigid and silent Mandalorian standing across the holo-table.

You’re not coming with me.

Are you really naive enough to believe I’m letting you go alone, Din? You snap, to which he winces at your sharp tone. If Gideon is half intelligent as I think he is, he’ll have installed impenetrable defenses on those dark-troopers. You'll need a Jedi to get through them.

You can practically feel the burn of his gaze through the helmet. It’s obvious he wants you with the larger group, but you refuse to bow when the life of your son is at stake. If he’s going to retrieve the baby, you very much intend on remaining by his side to ensure the safety of them both.

Until the end.

Fine. You stick by me, don’t say a word- He pauses and swallows the reluctance in his throat that dies when he meets your eyes through the helmet. You know he’s looking at you... and you know how fearful he is. And please, don’t die.

You beam. Dying without you, Din Djarin? I have no intentions of doing that anytime soon.

The two of you disengage from the shuttle, trekking through the bodies left in the wake of the women in the landing bay as you move in the direction of the brig. Doctor Pershing had disclosed that Gideon had been keeping the baby there, so there was no reason to believe that he wouldn’t still remain within the same cell.

Your blood roars in your ears as you disengage the lock on your staff and hold the hilts of each saber in your hands. The Force envelops you in its comforting hold - wraps around your bones and your scars and your muscles and invigorates you with a strength you haven’t felt since before The Republic fell - and guides your steps that will lead you in the direction of the little one who holds a large piece of your heart.

The other piece is held in the hands of The Mandalorian.

Din. You murmur. I just need you to know that you may see a side of me today that you’ve never seen before. If that in any way changes how you feel about me-

He stops you short just as a pair of Stormtropers jog past. Nothing will ever change how I feel about you. He sounds certain, almost confident, in his answer. The sound of it makes your chest warm.

Never?

Never.

It’s right there on the tip of your tongue. You’ve only said it to each other once in the time that you’ve been together, but you’ve never desired to say it more then this moment, but it doesn’t feel right. It’s too rushed. Dancing too close to the edge of anticipation as you seek out your child.

Your heart nearly jumps out your chest as Din sprints in the direction of the doors where the dark troopers are emerging and one lone soldier has escaped. Before you can react, the man you love is being held against the wall in an iron grip and a fist is repeatedly pounding itself into his helmet.

“Din!”

The Dark-Trooper turns its eyes on you, and you’re suddenly flung into a lifetime of battle skills that kept you alive when you’d served as a Padawan in The Clone Wars and on the front lines of The Rebellion. You slide forward on your knees and remove the legs of the trooper just as Din impales the thing with the Beskar spear slung across his back.

“I’m fine-” He rasps, extending a hand to hold you at arms length as your trembling hands tighten their grip on your saber. It’s not often that Din comes face to face with Death when you're standing right there. People are petrified of Jedi. There aren’t many of them left. Mandalorian bounty hunters, however... They can be more expendable. Easier to break then one who is gifted with The Force.

“C’mon. I’ll take point.”

Right here. The Force whispers its assurance as you both stand in front of the nearest cell, and the moment the door opens you are granted with the sight of Moff Gideon holding the dark saber in front of Grogu.

Buir. You’d completely forgotten the baby had bonded himself to you in the days just shortly after you’d found him. He’d rarely used it. He’d only ever opened himself up to project his emotions onto you in order for you to know when something was wrong, but the minute you see him sitting on that bench, he’s talking to you.

Grogu holds his hands out as if he’s reaching for you, wide eyes pleading for you to remove the Force Suppressant handcuffs that envelop his tiny hands. Buir.

Tears prick your eyes as you ignite your saber. The other sits idle on your hip just out of reach.

“Drop the blaster,” Moff nods to your saber. “And your saber. Slowly.” The two of you drop your weapons simultaneously. “Now kick them over to me.” Before Din can do so, you wave your hand to throw your weapons just out of reach. “Very nice. I didn’t know Jedi could be civil.”

The venom drips from his words. “If you’re not careful,” You warn. “I will show you what I look like when I am not civil.” A split second passes as you watch the fear flicker through his gaze before he’s tightening his grip on the dark saber. Moff had not, to your knowledge, encountered any kind of Jedi up until this point. He only knew of their abilities. Not of what they were capable of - with the dark or the light - with The Force at their disposal.

The damage you could cause....

“Give me the kid.”

“The Kid is just fine where he is.” Gideon replies, to which he begins moving the dark saber back and forth just to hear the satisfying hum of its kyber that rings within the hilt. “Mesmerizing, isn’t it? It used to belong to Bo-Katan.” Din stops short at his statement. “Yes. I know you’ve both been traveling with Bo-Katan. Friendly piece of advice, assume I know everything. Like the fact that your wrist launcher has fired its one and only salvo.”

Your gaze is still trained on the kid. Did he hurt you? Your voice is gentle as you prod at the shields that Grogu has placed inside of his mind. For someone who has little to no training, he’s rather good at making sure nobody can reach the most vulnerable places of himself. Ad’ika, it’s okay. It’s your buir. Did he hurt you?

Din and the Moff are still talking as your son lifts his head, meets your soft - and familiar, he hasn’t felt this safe since he was last on Tython, knowing you and Din were out there protecting him - gaze, and shakes his head.

Bless The Maker.

You shake yourself out of your reverie at the Moff’s words. “I see your bond with him. The bond the Jedi has made with him,” He comments, disengaging the dark saber as he moves away from the baby. “The two of you can take him, but you will leave my ship immediately and we will go our separate ways.”

The Force coils itself around you. Tightens around your arms as if you pull you away from the baby, and just as Din moves to pick him up, whispers danger before The Moff has reengaged the dark saber and slams the weapon into Din’s jetpack.

“Din! Go!”

Buir. You throw yourself right into the line of fire, regardless of the threat to your own life, and envelop Grogu in your arms as the fight between the Moff and Din carries out into the hallway. Safe.

You aren’t sure if he’s talking about himself or you. Regardless, you cradle him against your chest and bring your knees upward to shelter him within your manse.

Yes. Safe.

The cuffs fall to the floor with a snap of your fingers.

***

You’re straight up itching to punch Bo-Katan right in her smug face. After bringing Gideon to the bridge where the rest of your team awaits you, the Moff confesses the origins behind the Dark Saber - which for some reason is a tradition, despite Mandalore’s loss, that Bo-Katan still follows because it is what she knows - and the Princess of Sundari refuses to take it back from Din.

“You are so stuck in your old ways, Bo-Katan.” You snap, Grogu still cradled in your arm as you pace the width of the bridge. Din still wields the blade and grasps the Moff in the other hand, hardened gaze set on the thick-headed Mandalorian before him. “Wake up! This is not your sister’s Mandalore-”

The youngest Kryze whips around. Shock and disbelief writes itself into your features because that is the only time you can recall seeing such a fire lit within her. “Don’t you dare speak her name-” She snarls, pointing an accusatory finger at you as the two of you step toe to toe. “Or even think of her.”

You are so tempted to release your biggest secret, the one you’ve been keeping from everyone - even before you met Din - for your own safety. You hadn’t even told the Skywalker's about it.

It’s fortunate you didn’t obtain the auburn hair.

“Why don’t you kill him now and take it? It’s yours now.”

“What is?”

“The dark saber.”

Bo-Katan will not relent. Until she wins that saber in combat, she refuses to even lay a hand on the dark saber. You find the entire thing amusing given what your former Master had told you in hushed stories underneath a starry sky about Clan Kryze. Stubborn, prideful women. Satine’s pride had earned her an early grave. Bo-Katan, however... that remained to be determined.

“I yield. It’s yours.’’

Din is too good for the throne of Mandalore. All he wants in life is a ship, the baby, and you. That is what drives him to hand the dark saber over to Bo-Katan. That is what drives him at all.

You know about the Dark Saber. You’ve heard the tales surrounding it since you were small, stranded on a home world you’d have rather never seen again with your father and a thrumming lightsaber crystal. The Force will be with you. Always. He had made that promise just before he died, and you had carried his words with you ever since. That man had sheltered you, raised you, made you his own.

And as Din watches you hold that Dark Saber out in front of your hand, he finally sees the resemblance. He sees the ferocity in your gaze and the defeat in Bo-Katan’s, he sees how similar you too are in both personality and physical appearance.

What the kriff?

“He’s right. The power is in the story, not the weapon.” Darkened eyes meet your own as your pulse thrums erratically beneath your grip on the Dark Saber. “Ironic how a Jedi raised on Coruscant knows more about Mandalore then most of the people in here, two of which are from Mandalore.”

“Who said I wasn’t from Mandalore?”

Before the two of you can argue, one of the alarms begins blaring on the opposite side of the bridge. The dark troopers have breached the ray shields and board the cruiser.

“You’re about to face off with the Dark Troopers. You had your hands full with one, let’s see how you do against a platoon.”

This was the precise moment you’d warned Din about. “Bo-Katan,” You call over your shoulder at the Princess, who turns to acknowledge you as she puts her helmet on. Now or never I guess. “Ke'pare olar, cabuor cuun adiik. Par Clan Kryze.”

Before Bo-Katan can ask you what you’re doing, you reach into your tunic and reveal the pendant you’ve worn since long before you met Din. A token from the man who'd taken it upon himself to raise you, you’d been everywhere with the tiny silver owl that almost never left your person.

Her breath catches in her lungs. The last time she saw that pendant...

“Sarad-”

“Din?” You question hesitantly and lowly enough that the others can’t hear, handing him the baby before you reach for your sabers. “Remember when I told you I was going to do something you’ve never seen before?” Din nods and tightens his grip on Grogu as you activate each saber and turn in the direction of the doors.

“Yes.”

The Mandalorian catches your trembling hands wrapped tightly enough around your sabers to turn your knuckles white.

Din swallows the trepidation that lingers in his throat and squares his jaw beneath the helmet, allowing his fear of what may happen to you - despite knowing how well you can take care of yourself - to confine itself to the back of his mind. He can dwell on it later.

You’re making the child’s safety your top priority.

“Don’t let it change anything.”

You cast one last look over your shoulder at the man you love, allowing your gaze to soften as Grogu eyes him, then you, and rests a tiny hand against Din’s. He’s trying to tell you I’ll keep him safe while you’re gone. It’s sweet. Endearing.

“It won’t.” Din replies quietly, to which his voice then whispers I love you across your bond. Your heart nearly explodes with how gentle it is, how he chose now to tell you again after so long of having not heard it. There’s a newfound strength coursing through your body as you turn towards the doors and call to Fennec to open them. “Be safe, Sarad.”

“I will.”

As someone who usually calls on the Light Side of the Force, you’re oddly coaxed to the lingering darkness in the hallways of the Cruiser. You’ve never allowed yourself to fall like the Sith do. You’d had every reason to do so over the years, and yet you never did.

It occurs to you as you make your final stand alone that the only reason you never fell was because you found the baby.

Oh Force...

The metallic footsteps of the dark troopers ring in your ears as you stand vigil before the doors to the room that contains your family. Your aliit.

Forgive me.

“Go on then!” You yell, hoping your voice will carry through the hallways in which they are following to lead themselves to you. “What, are you afraid of a Jedi? I’ve bested the dark, I’ve survived two wars and a mass genocide! Nothing can break me!” You twirl your wrists in the usual jar’kai motions and settle yourself into your favorite defense position. “I’m ready! Are you??”

Outside the main viewport, a lone X-Wing flies within view with the hangar as its destination.

Your head falls to your chest. I’m calling on you... Be with me. The steps grow closer, the anticipation of their lethal capabilities thrumming in your veins. Be with me.

The first dark troopers circle the hall. You peer out of the alcove in which you’re hiding, position yourself in the middle of the platoon, and lift your head towards the ceiling.

Din watches from the surveillance array as the first squad of dark troopers begins trembling. The metal crumbles beneath the weight of your Force grip. “Sarad-” He whispers, fingertips ghosting the screen as he watches the troopers turn in your direction and set their targeting systems on you. “Sarad.”

Be with me.

Unaware of the other Force User who’s just landed in the hangar, your head snaps upward and your instincts kick in as your sabers begin moving of their own accord. You are not the one moving with such grace, such poise, years of training in desert sands with a man who’s constantly dancing with his ghosts.

You are not you. You are simply The Force.

Blue collides with obsidian. Further down the hall, Grogu watches on the surveillance as his buir and the Jedi he’s called upon move to meet each other half way.

Before you reach the newcomer, you’re nearly knocked off your feet by the way his presence radiates in The Force as you clench your hands into a fist and send the last Dark Trooper slamming into the wall.

“No way.” The two of you snap upward to meet each other’s gaze. It’s been years since you’ve seen that familiar face - the same familiar face you’d spent so many nights with training in the forests, the same face that had always softened as the two of you traded stories about your pasts and the Jedi who’d trained you - and it’s a welcome sight that this happens to be the Jedi that your ad’ika had called upon on Tython. “Luke?”

The newcomer throws his hood back to meet your eyes.

“Y/N.”

***

During

Buir. Grogu watches the surveillance screen as you and Luke join one another in the elevator. There’s one small platoon left that’s come from a separate hallway that the two of you can eliminate without barely lifting a finger.

The powerful two Jedi can radiate. It’s cosmic.

It’s alluring. Mesmerizing. A flurry of blue and green weaving between one another as each individual dark trooper is reduced to a pile of smoking metal. Din watches Grogu where he stands, little hand planted on the surveillance screen as the two of you emerge together from the elevator.

“Remarkable.” Din whispers, because it is. The way that the two of you fight is almost like you were born to do it together, to fight with one another and as one another.

The last dark trooper crumbles under Luke’s grasps. When he passes by the camera, Grogu turns to his father and tips his ears back before whining for Din to lift him up.

“Open the doors.”

Din tries not to laugh at the utter indignation on Fennec’s face as he cradles the baby’s neck in his hands, moving around the bounty hunter to stand before the blast doors. He knows they’re safe when you’re standing on the other side of it.

The crowd watches as the newcomer follows on your heels through the smoke left in the wake of your destruction, and the two of you both remove your hoods to acknowledge them.

“Mandalorian.”

“Is he... A Jedi? Like you?”

Luke, ever the civil, folds his hands across his stomach and nods. “Yes.” He says quietly, green eyes softening as the baby peers around the edge of the chair to look at his buir and the man who has answered his call. “Come, little one.”

Grogu looks to Din, and then to you. You can hear his question as clear as day inside your mind.

Are you ready to let me go?

And in that moment, everything comes crashing down in front of you. He’s asking for your permission to go with Luke. He’s asking for the permission of the woman who’d saved him and the man who’d taken it upon himself to keep him safe, to raise him, to let him go with the other Jedi in order to be properly trained. Maker knew you couldn’t do it.

“He doesn’t want to go with you.”

Goodbye, goodbye

Goodbye, my love

“He wants your permission. Both of you.” Luke’s voice breaks through your reverie as you hang your sabers on the belt that’s swung low across your hips. This child has been your livelihood, your reason for breathing, since the year following the genocide of the Jedi. Since you lost your world.

And it seems like you’re about to lose it again.

I can’t hide

I can’t hide what has come

“He is strong in the Force, but talent without training is nothing. I will give my life to protect The Child, but he will not be safe until he masters his abilities.” Unfortunately for you, Luke knows you so well that he can feel the weighed projection of your feelings that emanate from you like a flare within the darkness, which is what prompts you to gently usher you towards Din.

“Hey, go on. This is who you belong with. He-He’s one of your kind.”

I have to go

I have to go... and leave you alone...

“I’ll see you again. I promise.”

Wide, innocent eyes flicker between you and Din before Grogu is reaching up, ever the gentle, to press his hand against his helmet. This would be the first and most likely the only time the baby has ever seen Din’s real face.

You flash a questioning look at the man you love. Then, without question, he wraps his fingers around the bottom of the helmet and slowly lifts it off.

The beskar clang resounds within the bridge.

But always know

Always know... Always know

That I love you so..

Your heart has begun to bleed just by watching this exchange. Din has gone so much of his life without knowing what love was, how gentle people were capable of being. That had all changed when The Child had healed The Mandalorian’s lonely heart. It had never been you. It was him who healed you both.

Din’s lips quiver as Grogu presses his hand to a bare cheek. Your tears are becoming harder to keep at bay, and with the sudden tightness in your chest, you’re suddenly finding it incredibly difficult to breathe. Nevermind the fact that the room has suddenly begun spinning.

‘’Alright, pal. It’s time to go.” Din said quietly. You aren’t entirely sure if he's talking to himself, to you, or to Grogu. “Don’t be afraid.”

Everything around you is muted. Numb. Like your body is trying to fight a shock that you haven’t experienced since Order 66.

Buir. A tiny whisper, echoing in the back of your mind as a gentle hand rests on your shoulder. A flash of a child’s cry echoes in your ears as a blonde woman hands a baby into the arms of Obi-Wan Kenobi, the very man who had taken it upon himself to raise you. Safe. That whisper grows into the voice of your son. Your son is staring at you over Din’s shoulder and desperately trying to call your attention as your world comes crashing at your feet. Buir is safe.

That’s what he means. Since you’re not going to be looking over your shoulder and sleeping with one eye open anymore just because he’s in the same vicinity as you - such a powerful being inside this tiny body - now, you are safe for the first time since The Empire fell.

The fact Grogu puts your safety over his own makes your heart break.

“You’re losing a child.” It’s Bo-Katan’s voice that brings you back to reality. The gentle and foreign tone she’s using is enough to jar you and bring your focus back to the matter at hand: It’s time for Grogu to be with his- your people. “It’s alright to grieve.”

It is, but you can’t. Not right now.

You stumble forward and wipe at your eyes as you press your front to Din’s back. He’s very clearly overwhelmed by the loss of the baby, but that doesn’t stop him from nodding in thanks to Luke.

Goodbye, sunshine

Goodbye for now

Your anguish is replaced by a split second of joy as Grogu looks at you, waddles forward to cradle your leg against himself and say i love you through his Force Bond before he’s turning in the direction of the astromech who’s just rolled into view.

“May The Force Be With You.” But before Luke walks into that elevator, he casts one last look at you. It’s the same look he gave you before you’d left to make a life for yourself. To be your own person outside of the legacy of the Jedi that you’d been brought up in. “I’m offering you the same opportunity I did when you left, Y/N. You can help me in training The Child with the new Jedi Order I intend to build. There are many young Force Sensitives to find.” He holds out his free hand and tries to hide his smile as R2 beeps his approval. “A new world. Would you like to be a part of it?”

Through your Force Bond, you clearly feel Din’s heart drop right into his stomach and his chest tighten as reality hits him: You and the baby may be leaving him together. That would leave him alone for the first time in several years.. and Din doesn’t remember what he was like before he met the two of you, before he loved the two of you.

He doesn’t want to go back to being a ghost.

“I left you for a reason, Luke.” And just like that, the infamous Mandalorian masks his shock as you step backward and right into his hold, maneuvering your arm so as to take his hand within yours. “And I have no intention to leave my aliit. Not this time.”

Luke nods. It’s all he can do. “Very well. As I said, May The Force Be With You.’’

Grogu looks at the two of you as Luke carries him into the elevator.

Goodbye, brown eyes

Take care of yourself

It is so difficult to keep your composure as your son watches the two of you disappear from view. Your knees are already trembling by the time Din pulls you into his arms, and when the elevator doors close, you throw your head back against Din’s chest and let out a wail that shatters the silence following their departure as the two of you sink to the floor.

I have to go.. and leave you alone

But always know that I love you so

Din’s split second decision comes as he buries his face in your hair and whispers as gently as he is able, “Marry me.”

I love you so

Your eyes snap open to meet his own. Tear filled onyx meets your gaze as you cradle his face in your hands and kiss him - once, twice, three times until he’s open and begging and desperate for more of you - before pulling away to envelop him in the tightest embrace possible.

Oh... he’s so wholly and wonderfully yours.

“Yes.”

***

After

Bo-Katan approaches you as you stand in Slave One, knees brought to your chest and chin resting upon them as she kneels in front of you. You and Din haven’t said a word since you boarded the ship, and it’s a needed silence. You must have time to process your losses.

Why did I have to let him go?

“That pendant.” Bo-Katan whispers. “That pendant used to be in my family, Clan Kryze.” The former Princess of Mandalore tilts her head as your gaze remained focused on the cargo hold, eyes vacant as she continues. “It was mine. That pendant was mine and eventually passed to my sister, Satine. You know about Mandalore before the Empire, you know about Kenobi, you know about The Force.”

Your eyes slowly shift to hers.

“And?”

“I don’t think you’re from some backwater planet. I think you were born on Mandalore,” Her eyes soften, the first time you’ve seen her show any kind of humanity in the entire escapade since leaving the Cantina. You didn’t think she was capable of it. “I think Kenobi raised you wherever he ended up, and I think he was your Master. I think you are Mandalorian, little one.” Bo-Katan stands to her feet and hesitates for a brief moment before resting her hand against your head. “But I don’t know. I never will.”

Your entire body sags into her touch.

“Bo-Katan-”

“Be peaceful, little Jedi.” She stops before turning to look at you over her shoulder, flashing the faintest smile - one you swear you’ve seen before - before returning to her spot beside Koska.

Your eyes flutter as you fall asleep.

***

The End

In the quietness of a little room in an inn on Nevarro, he asks you again.

“What is the hardest part about letting go?”

And this time, you have an answer.

“The hardest part about letting go is knowing they’re somewhere out there in the world, away from you, and you still love them. Love them so deeply and so much that it hurts you to be away from them.” You trace the contours of his exhausted aspect, lightly poking the end of his nose just to see the toothy and bashful smile he flashes in response, and prop your head on your hand as you lightly trace his bicep with steady fingers. “You wanna know what the best thing to do is before you inevitably must let them make their own way?” Din hums his acknowledgement and opens his eyes to meet your own. “You love them. You love him..” You exhale slowly on a sigh and lean inward to press your lips to his forehead.

Din sinks into your hold and allows you to cradle his head to your chest. You bury your face in his hair and reach into your shirt to reveal the owl pendant.

“And you hope it’s enough.”

Hm. Maybe one day you’ll have the courage to tell her.

One day.

#Din Djarin x Reader #Din Djarin #The Mandalorian x Reader #The Mandalorian #The Mandalorian x You #The Mandalorian x Y/N #Star Wars imagines #Star Wars oneshots #The Mandalorian fanfiction #The Mandalorian fanfic

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vaguely-concerned · 4 years ago

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X-men Evolution; the great 2021 rewatch liveblog

exactly what it says on the tin, about halfway through the show I had TOO MANY FEELINGS and had to start writing some of them out haha (gets quite gambit & rogue/gambit heavy in the latter half, Because of Who I Am as a Person)

- this is my childhood’s x-men, my formative experience with them, and I’m happy to report that still seems like a good thing. the little eleven year old within me gets to geek out and have a good time with the characters and the surprisingly good animation and writing, adult me gets to CACKLE at regular intervals at the fashion/technology/absolute bonkers hot garbage comic book nonsense they use to justify a storyline every now and then, it’s been a good time

- I was like ‘ah well it is super dated it probably won’t be quite the same now’ and then rogue’s HAIR did the THING in the opening and ‘it’s all coming back to me now’ started playing in the background... the little baby queer in me swooning across time and space

- such a good beast, both his design and the writing, my heart aches for him all the time. he’s just so passionate! about being a teacher! helping young humans learn the stuff they’ll need in life! the most wonderful nerd man, just let good things happen for him

- I’m going to go ahead and assume that rogue’s ‘crush’ on scott is more of a deeply complex psychological process about desiring normalcy and intimacy and trying to figure out if she’s queer and dealing with her emerging sexuality and latching on to the first and best safely unavailable and nonthreatening older boy to project these issues onto rather than actually being a real thing, because I respect her so much as a person and I cannot bring myself to imagine she’s honestly attracted to a man who has POSTERS OF CARS on his bedroom wall. (I’ll give jean a break just because she seems to have a longer deeper history with him that might counteract some of that libido-kill, and also she’s a jock so lol)

like I am very sorry but can u imagine being a teenage girl with any interest in a boy with model cars in his bedroom when gambit’s swanning around being a much, much, much worse choice on almost every possible level but in a teen girl kryptonite kind of way? inconceivable

(I drag scott quite a few times in this and it’s not because I don’t love him, it’s just his tragedy to be the most draggable man in the world)

to be fair by the time gambit shows up that whole Situation has mostly played itself out I suppose but still

- toad’s design is so ineffably brilliant, I can’t quite tell you why but that ugly cute charm has really stuck with me, he’s one of the characters I remembered the best to this day just visually

- poor evan... he truly never had a chance, did he, they just saddled him with the most 90s teen bullshit they could come up with like he’s some kind of ‘what adult writers think teens like’ frankenstein’s monster ;______; it’s not your fault honey

- poor poor POOR storm, she gets one focus episode and they were like ‘we’re going to make an episode so racist -- ‘

I’m still STUNNED at how bad it was, but undeniably I laughed hysterically to the point that my neighbours were probably worried when that dude was earnestly like ‘He [stunningly breathlessly racist caricature of a ‘witch doctor’ guy] has stolen her powers, and he’s going to use them to take over Africa!!!’ fhajsdlfhsakjldfh oh really? tell me more, like how the fUCK this could be on television within my life time fasdlfhsdkjfhsad f just... fahjksdfh

- it’s a testament to gambit’s appeal as a character that his charm can survive what they’ve done with his hair and beard choices in this one fajskfhs regrettable but true I still fuckn LOVE him and in my highly biased yet Correct opinion he should have been around much more. get you a man who manages to stay hot through sheer Vibes even with a bowl cut

- aw scott/jean is kind of sweet in this show even if it’s taking them forEVER to get there, I like it

- it’s very nice of rogue to not mention magneto’s romantic daydreams and nostalgic memories about charles xavier after touching his face that one time... or maybe her brain did her a service and repressed it, there’s some stuff you shouldn’t have to know about your father figure

- the danger room is the very definition of ‘why do we even have that lever’ and I wonder what the fuck prof x does to have enough money to replace everything that gets busted all the time

- I’d say that a lot of the writing holds up surprisingly well! (but some of it is also incredibly inexcusably racist in ways that beggar belief, so... not full marks here) the characters have distinct voices and their arcs are set up and delivered on solidly for the most part, and there’s a lot of love showing through in small moments that are just there to have a funny/interesting thing to say about the characters and how their powers work separately and in combination. listen, sometimes I get so thirsty for like. basic goddamn competency in storytelling, let me have this

- ugggggh why is there captain america in my x-men have I not suffered enough... very very funny when prof x goes ‘sounds like you knew rogers personally’ and logan is like ‘I did ;)’ *all the students ganging up on steve rogers* “did you fuck our teacher, captain america?!”

- fskadfhas WHY are you showing me hot young-ified magneto’s ass fksjahfskj charles is not even here to see it, what a tragic waste erik

- ...I was sort of kidding before but uh I think logan genuinely did fuck captain america (or at least wishes very much that he did lol)

- wanda can have a little watching the world burn. as a treat for the way every single adult in her life has fucking failed her (’aren’t they treating you well here’ professor x she’s in a straightjacket)

- poor rogue tho can you imagine finding out after your biggest crush on a girl yet that she’s your fucking MOM in disguise... I would break out in cold sweat every time I thought about a boob forever after

- well seems like they really just had all that homoerotic rivalry stuff between quicksilver and spyke in their first ep only to never do anything with that again ever?? I mean even without the gay undertone that seems like a dynamic you spent most of an episode setting up writers what the hell haha

- dslhfkasjlh GAMBIT THERE HE IS MY BOY IS ON THE SCENE THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! I don’t even care about his awful hair situation or the fact that his eyes are wrong here (coloured contact lenses, maybe, for a watsonian explanation? though he’d probably have to get them made special, considering he needs the sclera and the iris covered up in different ways, I’ve seen some comic panels indicating he has been known to?)

(cute little detail: when he shuffles the cards the first time we see him he ends with removing the top card to show the ace of hearts beneath <3 foreshadowing baBEY he’s a... good-ish boy deep down. hey he tries okay shit gets complicated sometimes lol)

- cracking UP at gambit perched cheerily on the edge of a crate dispensing cards in the middle of the battle... he’s like ‘eh it’s a livin’ sfsajkhf remy stop working for supervillains just because you had nothing to do on a thursday afternoon and they said they’d pay you

- I’m guessing magneto must have imposed a strict order of silence on these guys or something because I cannot imagine any other reason for him to shut up, especially once he notices rogue is a QTE (or, far more likely, they hadn’t settled on any voice actors for the new characters until next season haha. it is kind of odd that they’re all keeping up near monastic silence, though, even sabertooth lol)

- WHAT an epic first meeting for us rogue/gambit fans here... first his shadow like there’s fireworks going off behind him lighting him up and then he gives her the fuckn king of hearts and she’s so enchanted by his dumb handsome face she doesn’t even notice it’s about to blow up in her hands and it all happens in heavily meaningful silence afjsdfjashjk no wonder this ship ingrained itself in my hindbrain

yeah look smug while you can remy she’s gonna have you on your knees one day and you’ll be happy about it lol

- god storm is so COOL, everything just fading out of focus when she really gets going... give her more screen time, show!!

- mystique is every person... this person... that person... that bird... that cat... that wolf... I’m not even sure she’s not also me... are you sure she’s not you?

- holy fuck I respect the hell out of the decision to just... blow up the entire status quo in a season ender, I only vaguely remembered that (actually in general I appreciate how good the continuity is -- buildings and places that get damaged in battles need to be repaired or rebuilt, it makes the consequences feel more real even when no one gets seriously hurt. where they get the money to restore scott’s car and logan’s motorbikes every time they go cablooie is still an open question tho lol is it credit card fraud, professor? is it telepathically acquired blackmail???)

- I first watched this when I was nine or so, so it’s a real experience to go from my starry eyed intrigued ‘oh my god... they’re teenagers’ to my horrified adult perspective of ‘oh my god... they’re TEENAGERS D:’

that goes double for the brotherhood boys honestly, I’m here with tears in my eyes like ‘I’m sorry the system has failed you so badly you’re all just a bunch of dumb kids whose caretakers clearly fucked up spectacularly’

like lance is always waiting for mystique to come back because she’s the closest thing he has to a safe parental figure, may we speak about how crushingly depressing that is

- rogue is so ready to throw hands at literally any moment and for that I love and treasure her immensely (I think getting to see her be so surly and unreasonable and sometimes difficult and jealous, like any teenager, meant a lot to me as a kid who was not really allowed to be any of these things, this version of the character has stayed with me so deeply. she holds on so fiercely to her right to feel what she feels and be what she is even when it’s ‘ugly’ or unreasonable, which I think plays in really interestingly with how her powers involve getting invaded by other people’s thoughts and memories to the point of overwhelming her own sense of self and the fact that she clearly has a lot of self-loathing and self-consciousness and confusion about her identity as well. I love her so much)

- oooof this is the ‘the gang experience a microaggression’ episode huh (well more like macroagressions really)

hits a bit different with adult eyes and perspective huh

- hearing jean sound almost like a child when she says ‘that’s so unfair!’ somehow has me like ;______; -- she has to be so adult and responsible all the time, and having her be reduced to the kid she still is and should get to be in front of this awful awful man she could squash like a bug with the flick of a thought... ugh I’m Big Sad (it is funny that jean seemingly plays Every Sport tho djfhaskj)

- MY BOY IS BACK!!! this time with the duster coat and his eyes the right colour, im so happy (too bad about the subdued colour scheme tho; I adore his dumb bright pink getup with my whole heart)

it’s kind of adorable that he takes the time to take the bullies aside and go ‘I know these guys can’t wreck you without getting expelled, but I think you’ll find no law set down by god or man would stop me from doing so whenever I wanted to. so piss off and leave them alone’ lol he’s looking out for them, in his own way

- in this episode: remy lebeau wrangles some kids while looking bored yet mildly amused the whole time. what the fuck does magneto have on you for you to agree to this level of babysitting duty buddy

- fun detail I noticed b/c when I get a fave I hyperfixate: he gave rogue the king of hearts before, but he ‘introduces’ himself to the brotherhood here (lol) with the jack of hearts, probably to symbolize he’s here as someone who works for magneto in this setting and not as his own man? it’s a demotion he’s given himself there, anyway, might be he’s not very pleased about his current position huh

- I like it when rogue and kitty team up, they’re not very effective together but their squabbling is so cute and non-aggressive

- pietro is what draco malfoy would be if I ever found malfoy interesting to watch for even one moment, every time quicksilver talks I’m like ‘what wonderfully insufferable thing is going to come out of your mouth this time you little shit :’)’

- a) why are scott and logan shirtless for this scene? I am not complaining on the logan side of things at least but why and b) I laughed so hard I almost fell off my couch when scott asked logan if he’d ever been in love and he was like ‘once. she was the most beautiful bike I ever saw’ falsdfhaskjfhsakjlfhasklhjfd THE BEST VERSION OF WOLVERINE EVER, ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES

- mystique’s sheer dedication to being a petty bitch is kind of inspirational tbh, almost makes me want to go on a completely bonkers and extra crusade of personal revenge myself

- oooh they’re doing some genuinely cool things with vision/lack of vision in this one (it’s the scott left on his own in the desert without glasses one btw) even visually, dang! I’m so sad this show didn’t get more seasons than it did, honestly, it deserved it

- hell yeah jean wreck her, go get your man with the suspiciously specific clothing damage normally done to female characters

awww :’) okay yeah they’re super sweet, I love the tiny loving animation details like how he leans his head against her and her stroking his hair away from his eyes

- nooo don’t bully evan leave my t0tally r4dical sk8er boy alone :(

- I love the running joke of people fleeing in blind panic only to reveal that what they’re running from is kitty’s cheerful well meaning little face fskfaskh

- scott and jean are already peak married after officially being together for one episode and it’s adorable, and they just stone cold threw logan under the bus, rip wolverine we hardly knew ya

fjasdlfasldfhslajdkfhsadkjlfhsdkjalfhsdakfh h jean establishing herself as the alphabitch of this relationship by throwing her man to the wolves right after dsjfhaskjfhaskjhfsakjdhfaskjhfaskdhfskjahfskdajhf get smarter or get volunteered scott

- ...eyepatch lady is so hot ngl

oh evan went to the place hank used to go to calm down ;________; (honestly he’s kind of won a place in my heart just by being a pretty normal teenage boy haha)

- jesus fucking CHRIST can you imagine being storm having to look her sister in the eye as she tells her ‘I lost your only child, he’s *vague gesture* somewhere in the sewers we think’ this poor woman

- amanda the self admitted monster fucker you are so VALID (I love her and her family’s design so much tho!)

- it’s so cool that even in his human ‘disguise’ kurt’s fingers follow the shape of his actual hand beneath it rather than moving like a five fingered hand, it’s such a lovingly consistent little detail

- magneto and mystique in a breathless race to see who can be the shittiest parent... tune in next week for yet another parental nadir (also some low-poly gambit appearances in this one, for those at home keeping score (me), he’s in the background looking like someone drew him with their eyes closed fakjldfhasd look how they massacred my boy)

- someone please teach the brotherhood boys about consent huh

- jean ‘soccer mom before her time’ grey and her SUV dfhakjlhds :’)

- im sobbing rogue baby girl i’m so sorryyyyyy, this voice actress is so good, my parental instincts suddenly kicked into overdrive hearing the crack in her voice :( (bb me was right tho rogue centric episodes ARE the best episodes. that tension between ‘do I identify witn this character or am I crushing on her?? both???’ now has the fun new addition of ‘oh god oh no you are a baby I want to shield you with my body from everything trying to hurt you’)

- mystique is like ‘so you see despite you telling me you never wanted to see me again I completely disrespected that and posed as a friend your age, manipulated you by offering you the mirage of direly needed emotional intimacy and belonging and added some sprinkles of homoerotic tension to it just to massively worsen your already existing grievous psychosexual trauma and identity issues... out of love’

god go jump in a black hole you fucking monster

- there’s some very interesting and quite subtle subtext about the people she’s morphing into and what that says about her mental state/how it shows off some of her emotional baggage with the rest of the team. it’s like she’s switching between people/powers that fit the purpose as if she’s going through cycles of fight/flight (and then bursts of freeze where she’s herself, which is... so sad)

- this whole episode is hurting my heart but rogue at full power is undeniably epic

- ‘professor x get your goddamn act together and get this poor girl some fucking tHERAPY’ challenge

- SAFE PAPA LOGAN ;_____;

- EYYYYYY opening straight on My Lad, I cannot stop winning!!!!!

fasdfhsad disintegrating the window with a smiley face... remy I do love you more than my heart can bear honestly, hello may we speak about the fact that his urge to be a little shit is so deep and strong it survives mind control (that little breathed out ‘hiah!’ as he vaults the fence too dsakfjsd)

hahaha and he does up the coat fhsalfdsaj

- magneto dismissing other telepaths like ‘puh-lease, your Meaningful Looks have got nothing on my ex-husband’s’

- :’) rogue and kurt sibling timeees

- say what you want but this pyro guy’s got job satisfaction in being a creepy arsonist with a weird recurring horse theme (well at least twice but still weird)

- I love how beast is the kindest man to ever walk the earth but also straight up savage, this man drags people so hard their ancestors wince in their graves

- gambit taking the time to complete the guard’s game of solitaire -- this episode is giving me everything I want. u little disgrace mr lebeau

and THEN he takes the spider out in the most hilariously bonkers way my heart is so FULL

(I love that when magneto moves by he looks startled and has to quickly move his head out of the way to avoid getting kicked in the temple too that’s a fun detail)

I’m so INTO how this sequence shows off that his greatest strength isn’t even his powers (which are pretty straightforward, really, he makes go boom, longer time and bigger thing bigger boom) but that he’s clever and creative and always extremely ready to be the most harebrained-bananapants-extra-in-a-deceptively-laidback-sort-of-way person in the room (I actually have some genuinely Deep Thoughts about how his whole character does a really interesting thing with having the straightforwardly destructive nature of his powers yield to what his nature as a person is, and how using the playing cards play (heh) into it, maybe I’ll write it out some day. just the fact that he could use anything, but he deliberately chose something that adds style and playfulness and corny charm to it and that also limits the damage of the explosions compared to if he habitually used something with more mass... I find it fascinating how much he’s made a story around himself with it and how deeply it shows he does have a good heart, at the end of the day, in almost a metatextual way. he doesn’t want to destroy things or people, he’s at worst (and best lol) a thief.)

- I honestly have literally no memory of white nick fury (which seems so weird now isn’t it funny) in this series from when I was a kid, he clearly did not make an impression on me lol

- mr wolverine ‘assigned canadian at birth’ x-men

- oh man I dig the androgynity of x-23′s outfit (even tho they had to compensate with the long hair, which... kind of doesn’t make sense in-universe but does on a design level because it’s a crucial thing that she’s a female clone of logan so yeah okay fine whatever have your arbitrary gender markers if you must haha)

ooooooh that’s actually really clever, they make her gender gradually more obvious as she unravels through the episode and her outfit changes -- first the mask coming off, and then her jacket opening to show her silhouette more clearly, that’s cool!

- my god what really sets this show apart is how much it invests in little character and relationship moments, it’s just so fucking GOOD! it gives laura looking in on those moments such depth and weight because it’s new to her but established to us as an audience, this is how you make found family devastating people (storm growing bonsai trees is so charming too haha)

- ooof this is honestly quite harrowing

SHE’S SO SMALL COMPARED TO HIM I’M CRYING (at least that part of his genes translated over faslkfsjdh short king, I say this with all the love and support of a fellow short monarch)

- tabitha seems to just be running around doing precisely whatever the fuck she wants and you know what I support her even if she is an asshole her father left her a bunch of trauma and no fucks left to give

- still thrilled about professor x explaining the spider key fuckup to magneto after the fact like ‘magnus you dumb bitch this is why we split up’

- awww kitty has anime and movie posters on her wall and sleeps with a stuffed toy :’)

- remy rogue

🤝

doing completely unnecessary parkour around the brotherhood living room seemingly just for the hell of it... I’m not saying soulmates but fucking soulmates

- fhsadkjlfhsakjldfhsadjkfhsdajkfh just as gambit’s soul-level need to be a little shit survived his bout of mind control, rogue’s deep and urgent desire to kiss gambit full on the mouth survived hers I can’t breathe

she looks so pleased with herself too GOOD FOR YOU GIRL at least get something out of this other than more trauma

also not only the fact that he’s smart enough to figure out what’s going on (though he’s only partially right about who’s behind it. I do so enjoy gambit/mystique deep and sincere antipathy as a constant across all universes tho lmao pure wlw/mlm hostility) but also that he keeps fending her off like he’s not trying to hurt her even though she’s in nigh on unstoppable and invulnerable terminator mode... awww

- gambit having absolutely no patience for wolverine and sabertooth’s bullshit macho-off and consistently being this little biker trio’s one brain cell is adding years to my life with every passing moment

his voice is a little different in these scenes too, a bit softer and less like he’s trying to impress someone, it’s nice

- hank: well I barely recognize any of these (completely made up) ‘ancient egyptian hieroglyphs’ but from what I can make out -- *proceeds to infodump a perfect coherent narrative* fjdhfak

listen this whole thing is such nonsense on so many levels, I’m just turning my brain off so I won’t have to think about it okay, the compulsion to put ancient aliens in egypt haunts us as a culture

- I am CACKLING about gambit in the snow after having to listen to these two chucklefucks ooze testosterone at each other for hours

he started out taking it in good cheer and is now reduced to ‘dieu would both of you just jump off this fUCKING mountain please’

- ah. a little oops-a-daisy there, we seem to have unleashed the apocalypse. please stand by (they really don’t pull their punches with the season cliffhangers in this show haha)

- opening the season on gambit’s merrily grinning face is the easiest way to gain my favour. yes good this season may commence

baby u r my

ANGELLLLLLLL

(he’s so cute here tho haha I think it shows the design isn’t unsalvagable, just get him better hair and stubble more like logan has and you’ve basically got it)

love his exasperated eyeroll when the dude gets spooked (by his eyes? or just the general weirdness?) too

he’s just trying to keep this crazy family of evil mutants together and unmurdered by one another until they’ve managed to avert the end of the world, bless him

- oh NO rogue’s LIP wobbles my hhhhhheart ;____; such a good animation detail to put in

- like... I know kurt is just a sad scared teenager with a lot of shit going on and all the adults are too busy averting the end of the world to help him... but buddy maybe don’t ask your sister to wake her abuser (who forced her to kickstart the end of the world!!!!!) when she feels utterly unsafe even with her statue version around huh

- ...wanda is good and I want only good things for her. and for her dad to be disemboweled for what he did to her both the first time around and when he forced her to forget I mean what

- magneto throwing an epic satelite-slinging tantrum b/c ‘no I am the biggest sexiest strongest mutant of the pack :(’... erik fucking get over yourself

- yes boys absolutely go along with a plan suggested by a dude who looks at you like this

nothing bad can come of this surely asdfkhsa

- lance’s quarter of a braincell always trying to go ‘hey wait, maybe... not do this???’ and it never helps lol

- in this episode: Logan Has A Bad Day

...some very specific bondage positions he’s held in here, I am sure this episode awakened something in someone once upon a time lol

- logan shielding x-23 with his body... im fine it’s okay I’m not crying don’t look at me

- afsdhlsdfjasdlk those sure are some ‘scottish’ accents flsadkjhkdsjahfsd

- scott relieved to finally be able to cede the position of ‘charles xavier’s least favourite son’ to someone else fjsaklfhsajd (poor scott it’s not your fault honey)

supremely cowardly to suggest there is an ex-wife involved rather than charles slutting his way around the british isles back in the day but okay

- kurt with a cold is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. it’s okay kid it’ll get better soon

- ...is there an implication here that professor x is naturally blond. because I am losing my entire little mind about it (i mean he at least has to carry the gene, as does this lady?)

ETA: upon doing some research into this I can indeed confirm that charles xavier does seem to be naturally blond, and after this knowledge I will never be the same

- “listen, dracula” fskdafghasd oh scott you sweet baby angel I love you

- I know jean’s abilities are a bit ‘as strong or as weak as the plot needs right now’ at this point (so you can have the setup for what’s going to happen with them eventually and she’s basically invincible ;____;), and normally I’m cool with it but god I want her to just squash lucas like a little bug

- ewwwww please don’t ever say ‘daddy’ like that again

- ...what the fuck is even going on this episode’s a mess

like okay the split personality thing could be something but the way it’s done... what just happened lol

- MY BOY EVAN IS BACK! with a real glowup too (...though kind of weird how he suddenly looks like a grown man)

- augh scott’s eyes are so pretty oh my god ;__________________________;

- that episode in the first season where evan makes the ‘this is my new family!!’ video is so sad now (also, again, his poor poor parents)

- time for: life affirming road trip with gambit (involuntary) faskljdfhaskjd

stunt therapist remy lebeau

- I mean the way he goes about it is batshit insane and it’s very much secondary to what he’s actually up to but this is the first time rogue’s sounded genuinely hopeful and confident and like herself in like a season <3

- he is disconcertingly pleased about her nearly throwing him off the train, and may I just say I agree it’s so nice to see rogue with her old fire back

- the first time I watched this it was of course dubbed into norwegian, so I had no idea either of these characters were southern lol (though to be fair I probably wouldn’t have had much context for what it meant exactly either, I was like ten at the time and not too interested in america) I seem to dimly remember the norwegian voice actor did a little more of a ‘french’-tinged accent for gambit all over tho haha

- you know what respect where it’s due, pyro dude knows to live his life for the lols and one has to admire his sociopathic dedication to it

interesting that he, too, seems to have fucking hated magneto -- I wonder if the implication here is that he kept all the acolytes in line with blackmail or by keeping something/one hostage? (except sabertooth maybe he’d just have to say ‘you get to fuck shit up and fight wolverine’ and that’d be enough)

- fsdakfhsd he’s so focused on her he doesn’t notice that guy about to hit him fkafhsa

- fuck everything else except whatever the hell these two’ve got going on

- it’s weirdly cathartic to have rogue have a conversation with someone who was not happily adopted as well, I don’t think kurt like. gets it because his parents loved him unconditionally and still do

birds of a feather motherfucker

- fun detail: when the x-men team are on the shore and logan is sniffing around scott is stepping in something and trying to wipe it off his boots in the background

- when he wakes up after passing out from the touch he’s smiling even though she’s standing over him looking like the rage of god outlined by the moon fsajfsa well the last time he passed out like that it was from a kiss, maybe he still has some hopes and dreams in that direction lol (also he recovers from the tumble down the hill first and is checking on her before accidentally brushing her cheek with his hand, which I thought was sweet)

and it was in that moment he knew he fucked up *passes out*

- ‘I can explain’ can u remy. can u

- did it ever even occur to you to just. ask her. to help you. I mean I know it didn’t but like rogue’s always one second away from throwing hands with some bully and is stupidly ride or die, if you’d given her the puppydog eyes she would have crumbled immediately (fair enough I guess this entire episode is telling us he’s not from a background where he has much experience with people just helping him without a price haha)

- his eyes glowing when he’s angry or upset or using a lot of his power is undeniably cool as all hell. I’m just saying it would be Big Sexy if they sort of flickered with light in moments of genuine vulnerability okay

- his coat... his coat is what makes the Silhouette tm and I could not be happier about it

- another parent of the year contestant enters the running lol “hey remy have you ever considered that you’re more of a walking bomb factory than a person? that’s certainly how I think of you hahaha c’mon kid let’s go”

- the running joke of jean luc getting dollar signs in his eyes seeing the other mutant powers and gambit being like ‘nO!!!!’ and pulling him along is amazing haha

- from the way he looks when he touches rogue accidentally and the way he talks to his dad I’m sort of getting the feeling this gambit might actually be a bit younger than he looks?

here too -- idk why but it’s making the ‘wait is he baby???’ alarms go off in my head haha. very early twenties at most.

- and we’ve officially seen him with all the face cards in the heart suit folks! (yes this is the sort of thing my brain notices no I don’t know either)

- poor logan running his ass off this whole episode in a panic and then she’s like ‘nah he’s fine (in several meanings of the word ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) please put him down’ hfaskfsda

- rogue without makeup!!! her eyes look so naked like this haha <3

- oooh here’s a really interesting thing that tickles my brain a bit in this specific part of the scene where gambit frees his dad -- the part where he’s leaning against the door frame waiting for jean luc, who’s about to suggest using the opportunity to ruin the rival gang from the inside rather than slipping away while they still can

from his expression here he knows what’s about to happen, what jean luc is about to say, and it’s clearly a ‘man who thought he’d lost all hope loses last additional bit of hope he didn’t even know he still had’ sort of situation. he KNOWS what jean luc is like, and it still hurts that he really, honestly can’t give him even this, can’t appreciate that remy’s already done all this shit for him when he extremely didn’t have to, without immediately (no really, it took him less than ten seconds to go there? jesus) demanding more.

remy tells him “I’m just here for you” and jean luc does not understand it. remy seems to be sincere in this motivation -- rogue certainly thinks so, having experienced it second hand and found enough at least emotional merit in it to decide he was worth saving even after all his bullshit (lol a bit of a running theme maybe. I think it’s very telling that after she absorbed mystique she was like ‘what the FUCK you’re a fucking monster’, and after she absorbed gambit she went ‘you did the wrong thing for the right reasons’ after she got over the first wave of outrage)

there’s also what he says as he stands there: “You don’t need me for that”, with the distinct implication that jean luc would only keep him around because he has a use for him and for no other reason -- and then jean luc shamelessly doubles down on that by specifying that it’s not even him he’s got a use for as such, just his powers. that’s some kicking puppies level of deliberately missing the point, it’s almost impressive in how cheerfully mean it is haha

this idea of using people is really important in this episode because remy’s doing basically exactly the same thing to rogue to begin with; it doesn’t really matter to his plan that it’s her that’s with him through this, just what her powers are. (I think it’s p r e t t y solidly implied that he does actually like her a lot outside of that too and maybe there is some comfort in having her around for this, but mostly he’s behind a smokescreen of lies through the whole thing sooo I doubt he’s even aware of it, honestly)

but then it does matter that it’s her when she comes back for him, even after what he did. and unlike jean luc he understands what that means, that she did that for him, and that she didn’t have to. and instead of asking her for more, in return he gives her the thing it’s been established is what he considers the most valuable thing he has; his ‘last card’, the thing he’s credited with keeping him alive many a time, basically. it’s gone from using to mutuality, a tentative place of friendship, and at the end of the day he is a different man than his adoptive father, with a capacity for selflessness and love he lacks. which is of course some of the same stuff going on with rogue and mystique too, except rogue acted from a more fragile and unstable place and did something she regrets, or at least has a LOT of doubts about now, and she found some catharsis in helping someone make a different choice in a similar situation. man there’s some Stuff going on under the surface here haha

(by the way it’s a weirdly... meaningless yet intensely meaningful thing, the gifting of a symbol? of an idea? but he’s putting something very crucial of himself into her hands, is the subtext, and he expects her to understand, which she also does seem to do. at the beginning of the episode he’s proving that he’s seen something true about her -- “You’re such an unhappy girl”, knowing where she comes from, the way she’s mourning her lost confidence and autonomy with her abilities -- and here she’s proving she’s seen something true about him. :’) I wish this show had gone on long enough for this dynamic to progress, it’s really interesting and touching)

- gambit dragging himself up onto dry land seeing someone approaching (to help?!): :D

gambit seeing that it’s logan and the look on his face: D:

- rogue using her powers so confidently and fearlessly in this episode tho!!!!

- *me crying* and then her FAMBILY comes to take her home and he says he’s looking out for her too and kurt still loves her even though they’re having a conflict thing between them and she’s finally able to use her powers without so much fear again and --

- ...did I just watch some baby lesbian love at first sight shit right now???

- okay last two episodes let’s go

- HELL YEAH STORM (I love that she’s like ‘don’t give me a dumb order like that and I won’t have to disobey it’ too sdfjsaj) her voice has such command I’m usually very much not the ‘step on me’ type butttt

- y’know I feel like apocalypse’s main fault across all versions I’ve seen of him is that he’s like an immortal superpowered god king and he’s not even sexy. like at least make him hot if he’s going to be insufferable in every other way

- also callout post for apocalypse: one time he made gambit into the Horseman of Death... and didn’t even make him sexy!!! you were handed remy lebeau, supreme bi disaster slut of the x men universe, and you couldn’t even make his brainwashed superpowered evil side hot?? a beautiful stubbled twunk with glowing red eyes and extremely charming :> face practically delivers himself into your hands and you do that to him???? I mean I’m sure apocalypse did some other bad stuff too but that was the worst one

(comics are so dumb y’all)

- having to watch jean cry is emotional terrorism!! ;___; she has such older sister/mom energy, whenever she gets sad and helpless it hurts

- oh, OH so PROFESSOR X you’ll make into a hunk and ~*strategically*~ rip his clothes to show off a nipple and a flawless pec in a way that makes me extremely uncomfortable because he’s like The Dad??? apocalypse you are rotten to the core this is unforgivable

- so wait wanda never actually gets her real memories back. what the FuCk I hope that was a dropped storyline because they ended the show tragically prematurely rather than like. the plan

- why is spyke calling storm ‘storm’ show that’s his auntie o!! >:(

- as a society we need to acknowledge that apocalypse looks like a fucking clown

- ooooh yeah I have been thinking that this show’s greatest visual weakness so far has been not having a visual way to show telepathy/battles of the minds, but this is a pretty cool way to do it! better late than never

- I’m so happy rogue gets to end this herself, since she was forced into starting it against her will, it’s just nice and neat storytelling

- YEAH FUCKING TELL HER KURT AND ROGUE I AM SO PROUD OF YOU and she has the temerity to look pissed off oh my god

the only valid thing mystique has done in her entire life is be in love with destiny. literally everything else she gets up to is a travesty. like I know objectively she’s hot but my loathing for her stops me from even appreciating it. I do enjoy loathing her tho so please don’t change her haha

(a bit odd to have kurt’s attitude to her swing so much but I’m just going to assume he and rogue had a good long conversation after ‘cajun spice’ and that he understands what’s going on better now)

- this last part is such a cruel tease faskdfhsdaj ‘here are all the cool-ass things we had planned. sucks you never get to see it huh’ im devastated

- magneto without his helmet and playing charmingly with children like charles is going ‘well at least I saved my marriage finally’ fsadkhfjsd (honestly tho I would be super interested in seeing how they’d redeem this magneto because he’s been a real bitch the whole time lol)

there’s an interesting thing here where magneto looks down at wanda as the last thing he does on screen before this epilogue part (yeah I hope it fucking haunts you forever what you did to her erik you absolute piece of hot garbage) and the last thing charles does is look at jean b/c he knows what’s going to happen to her and it breaks his heart... Dramatic Parallells

- just the hint of jean as the phoenix has me in full D:D:D: mode tho maybe I wouldn’t have survived it

- gambit in the last groupshot with his arm around rogue ;^) I mean I’m sure they’re headed for some turns and roundabouts along the way but what’s that thing she says as her wedding vow, that she’ll always find her way back? anyway that got me in my heart

- man I really wish this show had been given more seasons, we were barely even getting warmed up here :’(

#x men evolution #x men #gambit #rogue x gambit #aaah this is like therapy for me... just dumping all my emotions into a tumblr post and then let them go into the ether #I am now wondering if I'm desperate enough to go all the way back to the x-men animated series (which I've never seen before!)#like am I willing to go there for more Contente. time will tell I suppose #happy tag #...this is very long #MAN why can't I channel this dumbass energy into fiction writing I'd get so much DONE

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mimik-u · 4 years ago

Text

Gloves, Chapter 2.

Summary: There's a reason that Yellow Diamond doesn't take off her gloves.

AO3 Link / Previous Ch.

—

Her heels clicking harshly against the quartz-inlaid floor, Yellow Diamond swiftly conquers the hallway that ends at a set of pale, pink doors, watching with cool disinterest as her Pearl scurries ahead of her to unlock them. She drags her finger along the panel in a quick succession of movements. The diamond icons flash once in affirmation, and the doors slide open with a pneumatic hiss, revealing a seemingly empty chamber inside.

“Once the diagnostic from the Reef arrives,” Yellow says, her voice as low as her natural timbre allows, “send it to my screens immediately.”

“Yes, my Diamond.” Pearl dutifully withdraws, salutes, and bows low, though she’s not entirely able to obscure the fact that her hands are trembling at the exact nexus of their crossing.

It isn’t a detail in her subordinates that Yellow typically notices, nor concerns herself with... but, of course, it isn’t every average cycle that a royal Pearl is cracked either.

Diamonds are rarely so careless with their things.

And yet, this particular dilemma isn’t strictly about carelessness. After all, carelessness would be simple to identify, discipline, and eventually excuse, conveniently burying it beneath all the other minor boundaries of decorum that Pink has dared to infringe.

No.

From what she has gathered, this wasn’t about carelessness at all.

Yellow absently clenches and unclenches her gloves as she steps over the threshold, the doors closing behind her with a serpentine finality.

The empty grandiosity of the room, with its high, vaulting ceiling and vacantly floating bubbles, draws her eye upwards at first, and she can discern no visible damage beyond a missing panel, perhaps—easily remedied by any Bismuth worth her minerals. However, when she glances down to see where the panel may have landed, it becomes readily apparent to Yellow that the initial reports hadn’t exaggerated the carnage.

In the center of the floor, where an intricately embedded mural of the Diamond Authority’s insignia used to be, a sizable crater has been scooped out of the ground, mercilessly excavated, the diameter comparable to the bottom of one of the royal palanquins or even the base of a gigantic statue. Jagged cracks vein what had once been glassy pink quartz, revealing the bare, white foundation underneath.

And there are fragments everywhere.

Innumerable shards upon shards.

Try though Yellow does to pick around them, she still shatters pieces beneath her heels anyway as she makes her way across the room, where doubled doors open up onto a crescent-shaped balcony.The archway frames a remarkably quaint image, frangible and delicate—like a stained glass window of so many carefully arranged pieces.

Pink Diamond sitting on the ground.

Arms curled around her legs.

Forehead reverently kissing her knees.

Shaking shoulders.

Shivering hands.

Moonlight walking its silver fingers along the curvature of her bowed spine.

If she notices that she isn’t alone anymore—and surely she must given the distinct crunching noises—then she doesn’t give herself away, unmoving from her vulnerable position, unstirring.

When Yellow is right behind Pink, she crosses her arms over her chest and tries to appear cross, but the familiar trappings of a habitual facade elude her as she stares downwards at the younger Diamond.

Yellow wears her hardnesses like they’re pieces of armor, but even armor has its weaknesses.

Even armor cannot withstand pity and compassion.

The inexplicability and irrationality of love.

So she crosses her arms, but the gesture does little to no good; her toughened eyes melt anyway—liquid gold.

“Moroseness doesn’t suit you,” Yellow says, and her voice is lighter than she originally intended, almost but not entirely, verging upon, kind. “Blue tells me that you’ve been in your chambers all day.”

Silence for a moment, stretching thin in an already threadbare, starless night.

Yellow frowns impatiently, but then—

“I thought you were away,” Pink croaks, her voice seemingly hoarse from disuse. “Gone to Pallas for a couple of cycles.”

It’s true. Mere hours ago, she’d been on an entirely different planet, an adjacent star system away, overseeing the construction of resource gathering infrastructure. The reminder that she’s going to be behind schedule on that project is enough to pique her annoyance.

“Yes, well, I received at least four separate reports that you had cracked your Pearl before I had even properly disembarked from my ship,” she replies, her tone regaining some of its usual briskness. “I had no choice but to turn around.”

At the blunt phrasing, Pink lets out a low moan, bringing her gloved hands up to cover her ears, and Yellow’s rough edges sand themselves down all over again.

Her gem aches.

And pinching the bridge of her nose with one hand, she sighs ever so softly and stares upwards into the vaulting sky above the two of them. In the absence of stars, there is darkness. In the darkness, the shapes of bitter memories begin to play out across the blank tableau like a horrible pantomime, littered with grotesque silhouettes.

The knuckles in Yellow’s left hand ache from the tension of clenching them.

“So I’m here now, Pink,” she continues, her voice yielding again, bending to foreign softness, trying it on like an ill-fitting sword. “And I would like to know what happened—in your own words. Before I have to debrief with White.”

The very name of their matriarch sends another visible chill down Pink’s spine, and she begins to rock back-and-forth, dragging her hands downwards from her head, holding herself by her puffy sleeves.

“S-she’s going to send me to the Tower, isn’t she? She was already cross with me this morning, a-and I... I was so angry with her and... and I didn’t mean to... Pearl... she was just standing right there! And I...”

But she can’t go on, her barely coherent speech lapsing into sobs, and Yellow watches as a pulse of light briefly illuminates the balcony in a wave that vibrates the very air and all the molecules around them.

Lush and magenta, it could have only originated from one source.

Pink Diamond’s gem.

Pink Diamond herself.

“Calm yourself now, Pink,” Yellow demands, a measure of urgency in her voice as she lowers herself next to the younger Diamond, kneeling on both of her padded knees. “No one’s going to punish you for this.”

(White might have, of course, had Blue not swiftly interceded on Pink’s behalf, diplomatically placating the elder Diamond, promising correction of course…)

“But then again, maybe you should,” Pink half-whispers, her voice muffled against her knees. She twists her gloved fingers deeper into her sleeves. “Punish me, I mean... I hurt Pearl... I cracked her... I’ve... I’ve never done that to a gem before. I-I don’t even know what happened.”

“Walk me through it,” Yellow says immediately, settling into a more comfortable sitting position. Even though she’s not standing anymore, she still looms some ten feet above Pink, casting the smaller gem in her elongated shadow. “Every last detail.”

Pink’s response to this proposition is immediate.

Desperate.

Stripped of all pretense.

Nothing left but raw, visceral emotion.

And quiet.

Her response, her supplication, her plea is quiet above all.

“Please…” She whimpers. “… please don’t make me relive it, Yellow.”

Even though she knows that the younger Diamond isn’t looking at her, Yellow staunchly shakes her head anyway.

“What have you been doing on this balcony all day but reliving it?” She asks knowingly. “One more time will scarcely hurt more than it already does.”

“You cannot possibly know that.” Pink mutters, resentful, self-loathing, utterly convinced.

“But I can,” Yellow replies fiercely, matching the fervency in the other’s tone, the bitterness, the complete and utter self-loathing. “I do know that… I’ve lived through it.”

And it is this that finally commands Pink Diamond’s undivided attention.

She looks up so suddenly that it’s a wonder that she doesn’t pop her neck in the process, her bloodshot eyes wildly raking Yellow’s face for a confirmation of this baldly stated truth. And Yellow, without missing a beat, stares back at her ruthlessly—lips pursed, shoulders squared, her nosed upturned in the beginnings of a snarl—as though daring her junior to challenge her.

She’ll win.

She always wins.

After a pregnant moment, the silence electric with unspoken meaning, Pink seems to accept Yellow’s words at face value, nodding slowly, the grip she has on her sleeves loosening a fraction of an inch.

“If I do it…” She begins quietly. “If I tell you… could you… will you tell me how you lived through it?”

Yellow’s opposition to this unsavory idea must immediately evince itself in her expression because Pink flinches, as though already stung by the harshness of an incoming refusal.

“Please…? I just… I don’t want to be alone in this feeling, Yellow,” she whispers, closing her eyes, her delicate features screwing themselves up against their own pronounced agony. “I… I feel like a monster.”

And undisguised tears slip down the Diamond’s pink cheeks, collecting uncalmly upon the point of her chin.

Falling unceremoniously into the abyss between her knees.

Yellow makes an awkward, jerking movement as though to pat her, to console her, but she can’t quite seem to subjugate her hands into working order.

She ends up planting them on either side of her, the spines of her knuckles perpetually tensed, mountain sharp.

She’s never been good at the whole emotion-thing.

That’s always been Blue’s forte.

Stars, even Pink’s.

Maybe even especially Pink’s.

“Am I a monster, Yellow?” She continues without prompting, suddenly opening her eyes, as though stricken with realization.

With epiphany.

With awful and complete horror.

“I… I went above yours and Blue’s heads to ask White if I could finally get my own colony. And she said no—I wasn’t ready… I didn’t deserve one yet… and I was bothering her with my silly trifles… all my impetuous games…”

Yellow can see it all unfolding in her mind’s eye—White lofted on her high throne, staring down at the younger Diamond with that sharp, saccharine smile that has always so clearly indexed danger. A not entirely inconsequential part of her wants to immediately scold Pink, to abuse her for having been so reckless to approach their matriarch about this matter in the first place. Of the three elder Diamonds, White has always been the least patient with Pink’s youthfulness and immaturity; indeed, she specifically delegated Yellow and Blue to deal with her because she’d already reared two Diamonds from emergence herself.

But Yellow bites her tongue.

Pink is already punishing herself far more efficiently than Blue and Yellow ever could.

“She dismissed me to my chambers… and I… oh, stars, Yellow… I don’t know what happened next. I yelled, and I screamed, and the next thing I knew, I was glowing pink. My hands, my arms, my face… and when I came back to myself… when I stopped glowing… Pearl was on the floor. And she wasn’t moving… her eye… her gem…”

Bifurcated down the middle, the reports said.

The damage extensive.

Repair questionable.

Pink Diamond begins to cry again, pressing the heels of her palms against her running eyes in a vain attempt to stop the spillage.

“B-Blue told me to be more careful with my emotions… that I needed to keep them under control… but I didn’t listen to her,” she sniffs miserably. “And now I’ve hurt my Pearl. She didn’t do anything wrong… she was just… there.”

Too close to the explosion.

Collateral damage.

(Expendable damage.)

If Pink has anything more to say on the matter, she doesn’t proffer it willingly, lapsing into agonized silence as she continues to rock back-and-forth on the ground.

Yellow swallows painfully and half-wishes that she had never engaged in this conversation.

That she had allowed Blue to console her.

That she had not broached the subject of her own stark failure.

But the hypotheticals of actions long done and buried hardly strike her as being productive; all the things that she should have said, should have done, and didn’t do can afford her nothing but misery.

She didn’t allow Blue to console Pink.

She came of her own volition and free will.

And brought up her own miseries.

And presented them before Pink boldly—as an indelible commonality between them.

Every choice has its consequences; every word exacts its price.

And Yellow Diamond’s price and her punishment and her eternal condemnation is the truth which resides so uneasily beneath her gloves. She curls and uncurls her fingers.

And feels the cold material slide against her naked skin.

“I was barely 12,000 years old,” she begins hoarsely, “when I hurt Blue Diamond.”

“What?”

Pink seemingly can’t help herself. She looks up again—shocked, disbelieving, alarmed—and Yellow finds that she cannot stomach these very expressions, so she glances upwards, forcing herself to be interested in an empty sky.

The moon has never looked lovelier without all of her silver companions.

She has never seemed lonelier either.

So small against a dark infinity vast.

“A battle on a planet I was conquering wasn’t going well,” she goes on in a practiced monotone. “I was losing gems left and right to the local organics. And I was embittered and angry—so utterly disappointed with myself… but Blue tried to console me. You know how she does.”

Yellow had placed both of her palms flat against the nearest wall as electricity began to expand from her gem outwards through her body, surging down her arms, pooling in her bare fingertips. The wall beneath her had begun to heat beneath the energy—cracking, blackening, burning. She hadn’t even realized what was happening, her anger so complete that it overwhelmed all reality and sense. And then—

“She touched my arm to try and calm me down, but I was generating too much energy,” Yellow continues flatly, each word militaristically disciplined. It’s all she can manage to tell this story. To remember it without wanting to weep. “We weren’t as strong then as we were now. And she… she poofed right before my eyes.”

Even though this happened so many hundreds upon hundreds of thousands of years ago, Yellow can still see every facet of Blue Diamond’s gem falling through the empty air.

She can smell the smoke that strangled the air.

And hear the devastating thud as Blue clattered unceremoniously to the ground.

Cold.

Lifeless.

A mere rock without form.

Yellow Diamond screamed and did not stop screaming for a very long time.

“And because we are Diamonds”—she glances down at her own gem, unimpressive in the darkness, dusted and dull —“because we require so much light to make and remake ourselves in the rare event of our disincorporations, she did not reform for almost a year.”

Three-hundred and forty one cycles to be exact.

And Yellow Diamond waited almost every last one of them by her side, mourning and mourning and despising herself and—

“No,” Pink whispers, her voice hushed. When Yellow finally dares to glance down, she sees that the younger Diamond is staring at her with open-eyed terror. “You can’t have done… we’re… we’re D-diamonds. We can’t just… I’ve never… you can’t have poofed her! Diamonds don’t… Diamonds can’t poof!”

“But I did,” Yellow responds coldly, her nose twisted in a sneer she does not feel, “and she did. We have that capacity within us.”

White Diamond disciplined her in the Tower for days, but to this very day, she wishes that the punishment had lasted longer—as long as Blue had remained a gemstone, wedged inanimately upon a pillow.

She would have deserved it.

She had craved to be punished for the brutality of what she had done.

“After that, I took matters into my own hands. I couldn’t allow myself to lose control in such a way again… not with anyone… especially not with—“

But she cannot bear to say the name aloud, the single and beloved syllable sticky and hard on her imperial tongue.

So she swallows the damage.

She pushes past it.

And looks away from Pink as her cheeks threaten to color.

“I commissioned gems to make me gloves that would insulate my own powers when they proved to be unruly.” She says it all very clinically, as though this tragedy hasn’t entirely shaped her worldview for some hundreds of thousands of years. “And I sought, by sheer willpower, to tame what was left of my unruliness by excising emotional excess, because I swore, from that cycle onwards, that I would never hurt Bl—a fellow Diamond again by my own strength.”

Encased, entombed inside her gloves, her fingers still ache with the guilt.

She pulls her arms across her chest again just as she senses Pink shifting.

Moving closer.

It is only for her safety that Yellow moves away.

“I’m so… I’m so sorry, Yellow,” Pink says quietly, “I… didn’t know.”

“But now you do,” Yellow replies, her voice softening—so very incrementally—somewhere in the middle. She forces herself to look at Pink Diamond again and hopes that her eyes are far more stern than her inflection. “And I would like you to take a singular lesson from this story.”

“And what is that?”

The question is desperate.

Agonized.

The young gem would do anything to learn how to not hurt another.

(The cruel irony is that hurting gems is part of what is prescribed by the Diamond duty.)

“There are some parts of us that are so dangerous, Pink Diamond, that we must forever hide them away. Conquer them. Annihilate them. Vanquish them from plain and immediate sight.”

Yellow Diamond curls the tips of her fingertips into her arms, digging into golden skin.

“It’s to protect the gems around us,” she finishes neatly. “The gems whom we care about.”

Pink’s lower lip trembles.

It doesn’t escape Yellow’s sharp notice that she’s mimicking the elder Diamond’s posture, arms crossed defensively over her chest.

“The gems that we love,” she echoes miserably as a another tear glances down her sharp cheek, pale pink in the light streaming in from the chamber.

Yellow stares at her incredulously.

“Don’t be preposterous, Pink. Diamonds don’t love Pearls.”

“… I know,” comes the defeated reply. “I know… I was just… saying things.”

Stupid things.

Treasonous things.

“Yes, well”—frowning, Yellow pulls up her comm screen with a single swipe through the empty air, checking to see if she’s had any messages since she’s been on the balcony—“that isn’t anything to say so casually.”

“Yes, Yellow…”

A pause then.

Loaded.

Charged.

Pink bites her lip in hesitation, as though weighing whether or not she should speak, moderation warring against impulse, and impulse ultimately winning because she bursts aloud with winging words—

“Have you heard anything, though? About her? Is Pearl going to be alright?”

URGENT MESSAGE FROM THE REEF.

SUBJECT: PEARL 3A. CABOCHON D3.

STATUS: DECOMMISSIONED.

NOTE: THE DAMAGE TO THE PEARL'S PROJECTED FORM UNSALVAGEABLE. HARVEST RECOMMENDED.

Yellow Diamond quickly closes the missive before Pink can peer upwards to read it for herself, dispersing the screen in a burst of silent static.

“No,” she returns almost softly. “Not yet.”

#yellow diamond #pink diamond #pink pearl #volleyball #yellow pearl #s: steven universe #mimiku #gloves #oh my god #why is this so long hiohasihfioho

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strangertheory · 4 years ago

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"anti-Mileven"

I know you submitted this as a message and not an Ask, but I hope you don't mind if I answer your question with a longer post because this is a topic that is important to me but is complicated. I've meant to do a post about this, but kept putting it off because it is a very layered topic for me and my thoughts about Mileven are probably not what a lot of fans want to hear.

I respect that everyone develops an attachment to their preferred couples in stories for personal reasons, and as such any criticism of the dynamic between two characters that are dating can feel like a very personal criticism. I respect everyone's head-canons and favorite ships as sacred ground: I don't want to tell anyone how they should or should not relate to a story. That's unique to each of us as fans, and we will all enjoy Stranger Things for different reasons.

However: I do have some thoughts regarding the way that the narrative has established the dynamic between Mike and El. And I personally do not find their dynamic *as it currently is* to be one that is ideal for either of them yet.

I really care about Eleven and I really care about Mike. They are two of my favorite characters in the story.

To say that I'm "anti-Mileven" is a huge oversimplification of how I feel about Mike and El's dynamic.

I am very much anti:

overlooking the fact El has been treated as a lab rat and abused and isolated from society for the majority of her existence and her ignorance of her own identity and her own desires is repeatedly reinforced canonically. ("How do I know what I like?") El has spent only a few months out in the world beyond her cell at the lab and beyond Hopper's cabin, she knows very little about the world yet, and she is being taught much of what she now knows by her boyfriend who also happens to be one of the few people she interacts with in her daily life. The power difference and social difference between them is huge currently regardless of whether Mike is a nice kid with good intentions or not, and they are both fourteen years olds.

overlooking that it is superficial and not representative of a "deep" relationship to only kiss and make out with a significant other and not do other meaningful activities that establish a real day-to-day relationship (like hanging out with friends and other loved ones as a couple.) There's a popular misconception that the act of two people kissing is inherently romantic and a sign of emotional closeness. But kissing becomes romantic psychologically when two people share a deep affection for one another that is based on shared experiences and emotional and psychological connectedness. If two characters can be shown to care about one another without ever physically touching, they have the potential for a deep connection that is based on more than the thrill of physical affection. Give me a well-developed relationship first, and then kissing will seem romantic to me. Without an established psychological and emotional connection between characters, kissing is merely a superficial representation of the idea of intimacy between characters without any actual substance underneath. Sure that's what kids do when they're figuring out how dating and feelings and physical intimacy work and it's not harmful in itself provided that they are both comfortable with it, but keep this in mind within the context of the other concerns I list here.

trivializing Mike's dishonesty and blaming Hopper for Mike's lying when the truth is Mike could have easily explained to El that Hopper didn't want them spending as much time together and having some space would be better. El is well aware of Hopper's dislike for their time spent together. This should have been a very easy conversation. As Lucas rightfully asks as Mike is ranting about the situation he got himself into: "Why lie?" Good question, Lucas. Good question. El asks Mike this again later at the mall. "Why do you lie?" Mike stares back at her with an awkward expression, and does NOT answer her. Why is this answer not an easy one? Why has Mike still not addressed things with El? I think there is more going on here than just Hopper's threats.

I am very in favor of:

El learning more about who she is and what she wants to do with her life outside of the desires and expectations of other people.

Mike figuring out how to effectively express his thoughts and feelings honestly. He is clearly struggling to do this throughout season 3, and it is uncharacteristic of the kid who defiantly said and did what he wanted frequently in seasons 1 and 2. Clearly Mike is not comfortable and is nervous, which is understandable for someone exploring new emotionally vulnerable territory like dating for the first time, but he needs to learn to be honest and tell people how he is thinking and feeling or else he is also putting himself and his feelings and needs at risk and potentially establishing an unhealthy relationship that will hurt him and hurt others even if he doesn't mean to. Mike's nervousness is STILL present in the final goodbye scene in which Mike and El talk, and El tells him she loves him and kisses him. He is still stumbling over his words and anxious, and he seems notably confused after El kisses him. These small details are not trivial, they are clearly intentional.

Recognizing that Mike is the first person her age that was kind to El when she escaped the lab, and given that she has only known pain and abuse her entire life and has never known friendship let alone romance that her psychological readiness for understanding a romantic relationship is NOT the same as an ordinary 14 year old's and this cannot be stated enough.

Recognizing that societal pressures and personal insecurities might be a huge factor in how Mike clings to El's attention and affection for him, and that there is evidence in the story that supports this interpretation. We know that Mike is bullied frequently, and that there is a layer of homophobia often involved. (Even if James and Troy were speaking rudely about Will, they were still directly confronting Mike. The implication is there.) We know that Lucas yelled at Mike "No Mike. You're blind. Blind because you like that a girl's not grossed out by you!" This reveals that Lucas knows that Mike is insecure and wants validation. Just because Mike has a desperate desire to be loved and liked by a girl does not mean that his appreciation of El's attention is based on his genuine romantic affection for her. Mike might be dating El because he enjoys the attention, he likes being liked, and he likes how having a girlfriend makes him feel more accepted and normal.

Recognizing that every moment that Mike has tried to share something that he is passionate about with El (the Yoda figurine, the dinosaurs) she has been completely disinterested. Since El has no cultural connection to the pop culture stories Mike loves and she lived in the Lab her entire life, it makes perfect sense that she will have no interest in these toys. Her lack of interest in what Mike is passionate about, however, is worth noting: not because it's a bad thing, but because it's just one of many reasons they are "not even from the same planet" and cannot bond and connect easily. El has lived an incredibly different life from Mike, has suffered through so much, and is still learning about the outside world and about herself. She is severely behind in social and personal development. She needs time to learn and to grow and to heal so she can live her best life and recover from what she has been through. (She doesn't really care about your Star Wars toys, Michael, because she just learned what a phone is and is processing a lot of other things right now.)

*I want to credit @kaypeace21 for pointing out many of these particular observations listed above: you can read her very detailed and extensive analysis in her post here: El is Not in Love with Mike.

These are just a few of many thoughts I have regarding Mike and El's dynamic together, and why I find the romanticization and idealization of their dating relationship to be more suited to fan-canon and fanfiction. For El to have a relationship with Mike that I would personally enjoy and appreciate, the story would need to convincingly allow her to establish a notably better understanding of who she is and what she wants, and have time to heal from her trauma and learn a lot more about the outside world. While I suspect that the Byers moving away will be very difficult for Will, in many ways I think it will benefit El tremendously and I hope that she is given more opportunities to learn and to grow.

I also agree with @hawkinsschoolcounselor 's hypothesis that Mike is projecting his feelings for Will onto El. It's impossible for me to see Mike's dynamic with El as entirely separate from Mike's relationship with Will because El was found in the woods when they were looking for Will in season 1, El helped everyone find Will in the Upside Down and saved his life, and El reappears at the end if season 2 and saves Will from the Mindflayer. Until season 3, El's appearance in Mike's life has been directly tied to Will's survival and safety. I do not think this is a trivial aspect of El's narrative. El's importance within the larger story being told is repeatedly tied back to what Will is dealing with. The reason that El and Will's narratives are so deeply intertwined has not been revealed in the story yet, but I suspect that there are some important aspects of El and Will's stories that haven't been fully revealed yet that will bring all of these seemingly isolated plot threads together. The creators of Stranger Things repeatedly tie El and Will together visually and narratively (re: @kaypeace21), and I believe there is a very specific reason for this.

I look forward to seeing what happens in season 4. Whether my interpretation of El and Mike's dynamic is fair or not, I trust the writers have a compelling next chapter in their story for us all to enjoy.

#anti mileven #antimileven #anti-mileven #stranger things #stranger things theory #but not actually anti mileven I am tagging it that way because I am critical #so fans can choose to not read my thoughts

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legends-live-in-memories · 4 years ago

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I Have Too Many Opinions. ep. 1

lmao. i got encouragement to post my opinions on fandom things and now i want to make a miniseries doing just that. so here i am. doing just that.

im putting it under the cut cuz this was 4 whole pages including the disclaimer. yes i put a disclaimer and i explain why.

Anyways, here is the first piece in what inevitably will become fandom info dump, this time on thomas astruc’s writing on miraculous ladybug. but only some of my opinions cuz we would be here all day otherwise.

So… a disclaimer before I begin…

I do not hate Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir (yes i'm using their government name). I am quite a fan of the show actually despite its faults. I am also older than the intended audience but was obviously younger when the show first aired which is how my interest was piqued (the fact that its been 6 years and only 3 seasons says more about the show than me being a fan for that amount of time but also i never want to rush content creators cuz they're doing their best) and due to my age, there will be inherent bias in my approach of what i'm about to say as there is in EVERY opinion. The fact that it is an opinion should imply the presence of bias but most people tend to lack the critical thinking skills required to draw that conclusion ANYWAYS…

If I did hate the show I would not have this blog nor would I be even writing this because i tend to not give more than 2 seconds of thought to things i actively dislike (some of yall should give this a try) and i'm allowed to like things that are designed for an audience that i was originally a part of but grew out of. (I don't suddenly stop liking things because I'm older despite what many younger fans seem to believe about older audiences. I also don't need to be ‘allowed’ to do anything cuz i wasn't asking for permission anyways.)

This will not be character bashing, astruc bashing nor fandom bashing cuz, again, that would imply i hate any of those elements and if i did, i would not dedicate brainpower to them. Analyses and criticisms of media are fun and engaging and required if you wish to produce good enjoyable content. Now most of this should be already assumed and self-explanatory but people on the internet like to play morality roulette roll dice on purity culture and I rather have documentation that I am in fact not bullying fictional 14 year olds or a grown man. But alas, people get trigger happy whenever someone has less than 1000000% positive opinions on something they like and will throw out words they can't define (gaslight, baiting, toxic, problematic, gatekeep etc) in an attempt to defend their blind devotion,

which is not needed, if you like something you never have to defend it, even if i don't like it. If you respond to anything I post saying you disagree with me, I will not argue with you. I won't debate back and forth and try to convince you that the things you like are wrong. Unless you are being absolutely tone deaf to what i'm saying, you wont get a negative reaction from me. So don't try to fish for a fight. Please. I got metaphorical hands for days and I'm mean, you don't want me hurting your feelings on the internet. Do yourself the favour. Difference of opinion is how we get diversification in media and is inherently a good thing. Now that that's out of the way, please don't ever let me have to say that again. I beg.

Now onto the fun stuff

I didn't know what I wanted as a first topic so my trusty internet friend @moonlitceleste suggested astruc’s writing…

AND BOI do i got some opinions on ole tommy boi. Again I don't hate the dude. In fact, he has worked on a few shows that had defined my childhood, including but not limited to W.I.T.C.H. (all eps available on youtube for those interested, 2 seasons, general fun time all around).

So I don't think he’s scum of the earth but I do think his approach to writing mlb specifically has more misses than hits.

The first big miss is that he has no idea how to write 14 year old girls. At all. Almost every girl he has ever written feels like some terrible archetype built entirely for marketability and childish projection and pubescent self-insert (kind of). He has never been a 14 year old girl. I have. In fact when the show first aired, I WAS around the (assumed) age of the mlb characters. The behaviour he passes off as quirky or awkward or just the character’s genuine personality tend to perpetuate harmful stereotypes of teen girls found in the media and are never actually addressed as harmful. they just get swept under the rug. Marinette’s exuberant collage of teen heart throb model boi Adrien Agreste and her very painful almost fan worship she has of him (which flip flops like a paper sandal in the rain) being portrayed as a cute school girl crush uwu, Chloe being the y7 Regina George, Alya being the token best friend of colour with her ‘sassy’ personality (i want y'all to imagine me eyerolling so hard i bust a vessel in my eye), Kagami being the very damaging Perfect Asian Child stereotype. And before y'all get on your dusty soap box and defend going on about “BUT IT'S FOR CHILDREN”,,,, know this.

i don’t give a solid fuck.

Not one.

Children arent stupid. Children are always going to remember the richy bitchy blonde who bullies the art kid, and the big kid, and the shy kid, and the non white kids, and was only nice to her equally rich white friend who she probably had a crush on or was only ever civil to her equally white lapdog. They're going to remember the half asian girl who was never allowed to actually be asian or the only black girl who existed solely as a soundboard for enabling bad habits or chastising the main character for the same habits she enables in the first place (boi aint THAT a topic for later). Like do i really need to explain that alya chastising marinette for taking max’s spot in gamer just to play with adrien rings absolutely hollow when she actively encourages her to sabotage the contest she’s in just so Kagami doesn't win?? Like I don't have to explain that right?? Again kids arent stupid and its quite something that Mari gets chastised for proving herself the best video game player regardless of her intentions just cuz it comes at the expense of max’s feelings/ego but is actively encouraged to sabotage not only kagami but herself by extension cuz kagami is ‘competition.’ Adrien is not a trophy to be won. And no I don't expect 14 yrs old to be perfect and to always make good decisions but these decisions are never addressed as being bad decisions. they get swept under the rug cuz those decisions were necessary for the ‘plot’ but astruc can barely keep characterization consistent and his characters suffer for it and it's the same children you preach are watching it that suffer as well. Cuz guess what? I KNOW 14 yr olds aren't like that cuz i've been there done that (this is the last time i'm saying that i promise) so I know astruc is just metaphorically throwing darts to figure out who says and does what without consideration for pre established personalities to drive the stalemate plot along. The same kids you say are watching this don't know that that's not how preteens work and will absorb and internalize those dynamics like baking soda and vinegar. Cata-fucking-strophically.

And I haven't even gotten to the boys yet. Which honestly doesn't require much explanation anyways cuz they suffer the same fate as the girls. Tired archetypes with nothing to give them life. Nino falls into Adrien’s person of colour token best friend who dates the female lead’s person of colour token best friend so they can have cute double dates uwu. Except the plot goes nowhere and we have no inclination of romantic development beyond moments that only act to actively convince me to anti ship the lovesquare (i don't want to do that so i self indulge in fanon that actually cares about the characters and plot. may i interest you in True Sight on AO3?). Max is the residential nerd but it doesn't matter (cuz he and everyone are dumbed down for the sake of ‘plot’), kim is the sports jock (which interestingly subverts the asian comedic relief stereotype but only barely) and luka is cute older guy ™ that wears black nail polish and is in a band. The point of all this is to say there is no depth in the characters. It's especially blatantly obvious with the characters astruc doesn't like (chloe). Again, it being a show for kids is not an excuse to be absolved of putting effort into the characters you make.

This is one of the biggest misses astruc has. I haven't even gone into all the nuances of this particular miss. And i havent gone into how that works against him in the plot either. Mostly because the plot itself hasn't gone anywhere and partially because I wanted to go into the plot (or lack thereof) separately as its own miss.

AND BOI is it a miss.

SO home boy astruc wanted to reap the benefits of a serial show with ‘engaging’ plot without putting in any of the work to make a linear storyline and relying on the episodic format for, again, marketability. You can't have the best of both worlds, you are not Avatar: The Last Airbender. Which btw has a lot less episodes and a desired end goal that didn't involve top dollar. Legend of Korra did but that's not the point and it had its failings with that too. I challenge you, tell me how many episodes actually contribute towards a plot point or introduce new thematic elements to the show? Can you name them? I can and I'm going to include the plot points that moved the story in some direction if only temporarily. Yes only temporarily for some of these and i will explain later. (if you're in the server you already saw this list *wink*)

25/26. Origins- self explanatory, the beginning of the story,

24. Volpina- introduction of the grimoire and Master Fu (kind of) and no, Lila is not a plot point,

28. The Collector- proper introduction of Master Fu,

37. Sapotis- introduction of Rena Rouge,

41. Syren- introduction of new aquatic power ups,

44. Anansi- introduction of Carapace,

47. Frozer- introduction of new ice power ups,

48/49. Style Queen- introduction of Queen Bee,

51/52. Heroes’ Day- introduction of Mayura and mass akumatization,

66. Startrain- introduction of Pegasus,

67. Kwami Buster- Marinette wears multiple miraculouses,

68. Feast- backstory as to how the miraculouses were lost,

69. Ikari Gozen- introduction of Ryuko,

70. Timetagger- introduction of Bunnyx,

71. Party Crasher- introduction of Roi Singe and Viperion,

73. Chat Blanc- alternate timeline that essentially means nothing but got a reaction out of fans anyways (myself included)

77/78. Love Eater/Battle of Miraculous- Marinette becomes guardian and other heroes lose their miraculous,

New York Special- other heroes exist and there is an American miraculous box,

That's 21 episodes. 21 out of a heaping 78 plus 2 specials. Everything else was just your typical akuma of the day episode and everything that happened outside that had no lasting consequences on the plot thanks to the miraculous status quo. Was it entertaining to watch Lila stir the plot of the class dynamic? Hell yeah. Too bad it meant nothing by the end of the episode cuz we were struck with miraculous status quo. She literally doesn't appear again until Heroes Day. that is from episodes 25 all the way to 51, she means nothing and yet she is treated with the severity of a b-villain/rival thing. She means nothing by the end of Volpina if I'm being honest. She is only relevant for 20 mins of episode time she’s in then it's back to magic status quo that undoes any shift in dynamics and relationships. It's like Spongebob who can't get his driver’s license. The worst part is I actually like Lila and I wish the story treated her with the seriousness we as an audience are expected to treat her with. Despite being painfully inconsequential by the end of each of the 3?? 4?? episodes she’s in, it's entertaining to watch a character create drama just because.

Too bad it means nothing.

Astruc is constantly building up suspense to something ‘important’ only for it to not deliver and fans are constantly having the rug pulled out from under us. Oblivio teased us with a reveal only that gets undone cuz memory akuma. Chat Blanc teased us with romantic development but that gets undone cuz time travel bullshit. Feast introduced more miraculous lore and the history of the guardians but that means nothing by the next episode or ever (i'm not including any reference to the season 4 trailer cuz i've been around the block a few times and im familiar with this lil dancy dance). Heroes Day teased us with a possible future team of heroes but that gets undone in Battle of Miraculous cuz ????? why?? (here's why; astruc was having a jolly ole time letting us know how irredeemable Chloe is at the expense of shooting his own stagnant plot in the foot. Again, discussion for later.)

Too bad anything that slightly swerves off course from the akuma of the day gets undone or ignored. Too bad nothing has any lasting consequence. I mean, if anything did, the episodes would have had a consistent order and release schedule so im not scrambling to watch the leaked ep in Portuguese or something while the french dub is two episodes behind while the english version hasnt even been dubbed. I really wonder how he plans to conclude the show when he’s so afraid to step out of the corner he painted himself in.

Again, not going into nuances. If you want you can ask for more specifics (i doubt anyone would) but this is really just a slightly detailed general overview of my opinions on astruc’s writing.

I was going to include another miss in his approach to this show but imma save that for another time.

How’s that for a ‘first’ post?

#mlb #opinions my guy opinions #i dont wanna tag this as salt #but mlb criticisms and analyses #IHTMO #the hashtag for this series #thomas astruc #miraculous fandom #miraculous ladybug #miraculous: tales of ladybug and cat noir #yes the government name again #come get yall juice #miraculous

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linkspooky · 4 years ago

Note

Another Haikyuu ask! (Hope you haven't answered this one yet. XD) Which are your favorite ships and favorite platonic relationships? :3

I’m not sure about my favorite platonic relationship I’ll have to think on that more. However, I can do a meta on my absolute favorite ship in the series which is Bokuto and Akaashi. Everything I love about the ship is in the story itself. I think Furudate explains their dynamic perfectly. Let’s explore them some more under the cut.

1. We are the Main Characters of This World

What makes the relationship work so well is how much Bokuto and Akaashi complement each other, and contribute to each other’s development without really ever becoming codependent. They are two separate people with two seperate lives. They are total opposites. Yet, they’re kind of the same person.

One of Bokuto’s central flaws is how much of a weirdo he is. His eccentricities make him more needy than other people, more demanding, harder to deal with, harder to figure out. Bokuto has these dual aspirations to stand out more than anybody else (because he’s a bit of a diva), but also to have people surrounding him who can just keep up with him, because the reason his eccentricities are a flaw that hold him back is because his behavior can sometimes isolate him, or drive other people away.

Bokuto is uniquely driven, and he doesn’t find a lot of people who naturally share that drive. Bokuto can be a little confusing, but often people don’t really make the effort to try to understand him, or keep up with him. Bokuto seems like a big weirdo, but he’s actually quite serious and focused it’s just what he’s focused on is different than what everybody else focuses on.

Bokuto’s foiling with Kiryu is just that. Kiryu can’t really understand Bokuto so he kind of projects this false image onto him. That’s why he can’t overcome him at all or even face against him in the tournament. But, sometimes Bokuto’s own friends and teammates will do that too because they can’t keep up with him.

Bokuto’s flashback shows us, he sort of puts all of himself into the things he’s serious about. People who don’t understand that get left behind. So, what Bokuto both respects and needs in a person is someone who can put all of themselves into something and disappear into it, to take things seriously the way he does. Bokuto says he’s just having fun but nobody takes more fun seriously than him. He wants someone who puts their best effort into keeping up with him.

Which is why Bokuto so uniquely values Akaashi. On the outside Akaashi just looks like a normal person. He’s not a star setter like Oikawa, or Kageyama. He’s not someone who is playing volleyball in highschool who is aiming to be a professional or even in the top 5 like Bokuto. However, even though Akaashi is not a star player, when he does something he puts all of himself into what he does in the exact same way that Bokuto does.

These are the two things which are emphasized in Akaashi. He may not be a star player. He may not be an extraordinary talent. Yet, he always overanalyzes every situation, and puts a tremendous pressure on himself to give all of himself to the team and Bokuto.

On the outside they’re opposites. Bokuto is a star and Akaashi is just a normal person. Bokuto is the center of attention, and Akaashi is someone who quietly drifts to the side. Bokuto is high maintennance and Akaashi is low maintennance. Bokuto is loud and extroverted, Akaashi is quietly and extremely introverted.

However, inside they are incredibly similiar because they both put this tremendous pressure on themselves. Akaashi at first views himself as a star player, but when he meets Bokuto he starts to see himself as more ordinary.

I think much like Bokuto’s, Akaashi is also someone attention hungry, and someone who wants to stand out and be important he just never externalizes that desire because Akaashi keeps everything inside of himself.

However, when he met Bokuto he didn’t really lose his place as a star. He didn’t suddenly become a normal person. When he found Bokuto he found a place where not only he was needed, but his passion was needed, and his dedication meant something to someone else. He actually started to care about volleyball more because he felt like his efforts were being rewarded. That’s why he put so much focus on Bokuto’s compliments. Akaashi isn’t a star player, but he’s Bokuto’s star.

The Fukurodani even comment on Akaashi as a secret weirdo. Inside he’s a lot like Bokuto. He has the same sense of showmanship, the same desire to stand out, and he wants someone who puts as much effort into things as he himself puts in. So, Akaashi may lack that star quality, he might not stand out, but he still puts all of himself into what he does and Bokuto sees that, and recognizes it as a special quality of Akaashi’s. Which in turn makes Akaashi feel recognized.

But it’s not just Bokuto and Akaashi needing each other. The two of them work well together. Bokuto works better with people who will put the effort into keeping up with him. Akaashi works better with people who recognize him and his efforts when he’s so low key about everything.

They’re internally very similiar so Bokuto knows Akaashi pretty well. That’s part of why Akaashi feels so much from Bokuto’s praise, because he feels like Bokuto knows him. He feels recognized. More than that. Akaashi is a drama queen the same way Bokuto is. It’s just Bokuto externalizes all of it, and Akaashi keeps it inside.

It’s not a one way relationship. It’s not Bokuto being the baby and Akaashi being his caretaker. When Bokuto sees Akaashi break down, not only does Bokuto uniquely undertand the reasons why Akaashi is breaking down the same way that Akaashi puts so much effort into understanding Bokuto, but also Bokuto will perform better to pick up the slack because that’s what Akaashi is always doing to him. Neither of them ever really baby each other, because both of them expect so much out of the other. They’re always lookig at each other.

When Akaashi and Bokuto are together they’re both stars. Even though to everybody else it looks like Akaashi is a normal person, and Bokuto is a star player. Akaashi’s efforts mean so much to Bokuto, that they end up both uplifting each other to star status. They are the stars of this world.

#mikotofubar #hq meta #haikyu #haikyu!!#bokuto koutarou #kotarou bokuto #bokuto kotaro #kotaro bokuto #akaashi keiji #keiji akaashi #metasks #spooky speaks

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sunlightxing · 3 years ago

Text

Show Me Some Respect

After working for years as a secretary to General Hux aboard the ship, the Finalizer, life could not have been better for you.

That was until Hux informed you that Commander Kylo Ren would be joining you on that ship. Almost immediately, you both resent eachother, but after being forced to spend more alone time with him, you begin to wonder, what's so bad about him after all?

Chapter 4: Filthy Little Thing

An unexpected trip to Starkiller Base alongside Commander Ren takes a strange turn when you find yourself in his quarters, with an outstretched hand clenching your new uniform. A uniform only meant to be worn, by his secretary.

It had been almost a week since you began working directly under Commander Ren. Yet, things hadn't gotten any easier. Though he had described your work on the Command Shuttle as serving some sort of purpose, that was hardly the case. You felt like a complete waste of space, spending your time doing nothing but twiddling your thumbs. The only thing keeping you going was a strong, desperate longing to be back on the Finalizer. There you had a purpose, and you wanted it back.

"Will you stop that?" Commander Ren groaned from the pilots' seat. You slowly shifted your gaze onto him, rolling your eyes as he continued to stir. Every little thought that crossed your mind, he was there listening to it, searching for it. It didn't matter what time it was, or what exactly you were thinking about. He was listening, thirsting after every little intimate detail.

"I can't really stop thinking, Commander," you responded harshly. The last thing you wanted right now was an argument, but you were sick of his crass behavior. You didn't have to be here on this shuttle, stuck with him. He acted as if it was a chore to bring you along, as if he didn't want to. But obviously, he did. He could've waited to get a new secretary. He could've picked anyone but you.

"I didn't choose to bring you," he hissed, the words shooting off of his tongue and into your ears like thorns from a rose.

"Well you actually did, sir, and I doubt you'd like to return me, unless your ego can handle admitting Hux was right." You batted your eyes at him with playful sarcasm, hoping that would gain his silence for a long duration of time.

He paused, clenching his fist tightly against the arm of his chair. "Hux wasn't stuck listening to your ridiculous pondering," he responded, pulling himself away from the controls. You scoffed, viciously biting your tongue as to not lash out and throw numerous amount of insults and curses at him.

"Then why don't you just take me back?"

"I can't."

"Uh, yes. You can," you replied, crossing your arms with the same level of intimidation as that of a youngling. The Commander sat up from his seat, switching the ship's function so it would now be on autopilot. With a grunt of displeasure, he walked away towards the door, turning back to face you for a brief moment before his exit.

His breath was stagnant, heaving in his chest with an indescribable amount of rage. Tension built between the pair of you, a fiery sensation wafting over your back and surging across your spine. He was waiting for you to look at him before you left, but a tiny voice in your head was begging, pleading with you not to. Against your better judgement, you did, staring at his corpulent figure as he stared back at you with dismay.

"There's an alarm on that," he stated, gesturing towards the switch he had flicked to engage autopilot. "So if you touch that, or anything, I'll know."

You shook your head at him, rolling your shes as you slouched back in your seat. "You really don't trust me?" You questioned, throat burning hot, stinging your tongue with every word that floated off your breath.

He paused, now standing maybe a couple of inches out of the doorway. A rapid twitching arose from his hand, shaking and rather convulsing as he held his tongue, trying not to snap. "No," he projected, an asthmatic hissing noise protruding from his breath, "I don't."

Before you could get a word of rebuttal in, he violently slammed the door shut, the clashing of the metal causing you to flinch. Yet again, Commander Ren had very over-dramatically left you all alone, of course making sure that he had the last word. You sat back in your seat, stunned that this was your life now. It was uncertain as to how long this trip would last, and if you'd ever return back to the Finalizer at all. The Commander had made it clear from the start he wanted you away from the home you had known for so many years, but none of that made sense.

Yet, the fact you wanted to return back to that ship made no sense either. The thought of Hux raising his hand to strike you kept flashing into your mind. The terrifying look in his eyes, the way his teeth gritted against themselves. It had been so long since he had responded to your mistakes in that way, roughly two years ago.

You remembered that day like it was any other, though it wasn't even comparable. The morning had started off as anything but smoothly. Your alarm had failed to wake you, the shower water was simply not in function. Nothing was going right, and to top it all off, you had shown up to the bridge five minutes behind schedule. Hux stared at you blankly as you tumbled into the room, hair disheveled and uniform improperly fastened. You tried to explain to him what had happened, but he didn't care. His hand rose and struck you hard across the cheek. His cold, raw skin sensing a horrid stinging sensation throughout your whole face. That day he hit you, it had been the first, and the last.

There was no immediate regret after what he had done. Instead, he turned back to the window of the bridge, and after taking the time to pull yourself together, you did to. There, standing in front of you, was Starkiller Base. It was the first time you had seen it, and you were speechless, captivated by its' expert craftsmanship and beauty. Both you and Hux went aboard that ship, where you sat outside a vast meeting room, unable to enter because you were so new to your position. Tens of other Generals and Captains' flooded out of the room, but Hux did not, not until much time later. He came out looking as if he had just been mugged. His hair was unkept, his lip was busted and bleeding, and his left eye was swollen beyond belief.

You gasped in horror upon looking at his face, but before you could ask if he was alright, he cut you off, simply apologizing for his behavior that morning. The pair of you walked back to the Finalizer, and never spoke of that day since. From then on, Hux treated you with nothing but care and compassion, until last week, when history repeated itself. Maybe the stress of having to see Commander Kylo Ren made Hux act on that hidden rage, as you knew, all high ranking officials were taught that violence was the way to demand respect, and punish misbehavior. Though that didn't excuse what they had done, or continued to do, it offered an explanation. Deep down every one who faced that scrutiny, especially yourself, knew the abuse you ensued was not even close to that of the men enacting it.

It was why you had such an understanding for why both Hux, and Commander Ren, behaved the way they did. But, you never even tried to call out Hux on his shortcomings, yet for the Commander, you did every chance you got.

It didn't come off as much of a surprise. From the get-go, you despised him. You still did, you hated him. Hated his attitude, the way he gave out orders, the way he seemed to care for no one but himself. He was the opposite of everything you valued, and yet, he had managed to infiltrate your built-up walls, and knock them down with his temptations.

There was weakness in you, and he sensed it, the aroma wafting off of you, so strong he could taste it, and he wanted to. Every time he looked down upon you, no matter the mask that blocked his eyes, there was this hunger, this pining that presented itself on his face. You liked it, invited it, never wanted it to stop. Yet, you still hated him, but the thoughts, your mind was what really said it all. Every second you were around him, thoughts danced through your mind of inappropriate and unspeakable acts the two of you could perform together, and on one another. You tried so desperately to make them go away, but they refused to leave, just like the Commander.

It was wrong, so disgustingly wrong that a part of you wanted to stay with the Commander. There was no real motivation, except for the longing to act out on all of your whoreish dreams and fantasies. You didn't understand how you managed to get where you were. Lusting and thirsting after someone so horrid, immature, selfish, and unkind to everyone he knew, even you. It was ridiculous, and you hated yourself for it. Absolutely hated that your life had been reduced to that. A filthy, disgusting, little slut who wanted nothing more than a man, who was your boss, to fulfill all of your unholy desires.

You stared out the large glass window that sat above the control panel, looking for some answers in the stars. Life had seemed so black and white before this trip, before you gazed upon the Commander. But now, it was a whirlwind of technicolor, confusing and confounding every part of your mind. Nothing made sense anymore, nothing you did made sense anymore. It was almost as if that day you met Commander Ren, you lost apart of yourself.

Or maybe, you had gained the loss back.

"You're putting too much thought into it."

You darted your gaze from the galaxy and beyond to the doorway, Commander Ren standing there rather menacingly, back from whatever little trip he was just taken.

"I'm glad you were never one of my school teachers," he remarked, walking over to reclaim his seat.

"You, went to school?" You questioned, a large amount of surprise exuding itself from your voice. "Was that separate from your little sith training?"

The Commander groaned in annoyance. You always knew just the right things to say to tick him off. "Before I," he paused, nearly choking on his words as he went to speak. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, was the man having a stroke? Or did he just suddenly forget how to speak?

"I used to, and I hated it," he responded harshly. His hands gripped the sides of his seat, almost denting them. You could sense by the tone of his voice, and also by his violent demonstration on the arm of his chair, that he didn't wish to speak more on his past, and you weren't gonna try and force him to.

"I went to school a bit when I was younger," you quickly responded, trying to change the subject onto your past instead of his. Though yours did hurt to talk about, it wasn't to the point you were going to enter a fit of rage and break a chair with just your hand. "I didn't like it much either, it was boring. I'd much rather have been outside running around with nothing but a wooden stick" you said, thinking back on all those good days, playing with your friends in the forest.

Commander Ren didn't respond, but his grip loosened on the arm of his seat. You let a muffled sigh in relief, happy that you were somewhat able to get him to calm down. A smile began to curl up on your lip, one of satisfaction and praise to yourself. The Commander turned around to face you, and you quickly tried to change your expression to a more plain one, as he would call you out for smiling at him.

"Do you miss it?"

"Miss what, sir?"

"Your old life," he said, keeping his gaze on your now pale white face. You hadn't thought about it in a while, but you didn't know if it was best to.

Sure, your old life was grand. With your village, your parents, and your friends, but it was gone now. You were apart of something much bigger now, and more important. "Sometimes," you answered, staring off at the wall, thinking of your mothers' warm embrace, and your fathers' contagious laugh. "It was good for a while, and it helped make me who I am, but it's gone now. I'll always miss it, but I'm happy I even had it at all."

The Commander rose from his seat, standing above you. Your eyes quickly shifted upwards, so you wouldn't be staring at his belt. He gazed down at you, reaching out a hand for yours. You batted your eyes at him, slowly taking your hand off of your thigh, and gently laying it down on his gloved palm.

"There's some business I need to finish at Starkiller base. We'll be going there," he stated as he wrapped his hand around yours, completely engulfing it.

"Yes, Commander." Your gaze darted from his eyes to his large, leather-coated hands, your mouth watering at the sight of them

He let out a grumble in amusement. Sadly for you, he overheard every little thought that just presented itself in your mind. He turned away from you, removing your hand from his own as he headed for the doorway. Before you could even get a word of defense in, he was out the door yet again.

You frowned, turning back to the ship's control panel. Just when things got enjoyable, he decided to storm out, leaving you to your own devices.

Much time had passed since the Commander had dramatically left you alone in the cockpit, and it wasn't getting any easier to stay awake. It felt as if 10-pound weights had been tied to your eyelashes, and you struggled to keep them open. You could've been in your room an hour ago, drifting off into a deep sleep, and yet you chose to stay sitting in the cold and musty cockpit. The Commander made it very clear he wanted you to stay put, which made little to no sense since the entire point of having a secretary meant you would be following him around. It was no wonder the fool couldn't manage to keep one for more than a couple of weeks.

You felt yourself slowly drifting off, and there wasn't any stopping it. Besides, a quick nap couldn't do any harm, and the ship's alarms would wake you up when you were close to Starkiller, and the Commander would come strolling back in and land the damn shuttle. Wrapping a blanket you found on a shelf near the back of the cockpit, you turned back to your seat, and flipped back into the metal chair, resting your head against the control board. Gently, your eyes shut down, and all noise around you began to fade, until there was nothing.

"Cadet."

"No," you groaned, burying your head into your arm. "Just five more minutes."

"We're here. Now get up."

You sighed, picking your head up off of the control grid, imprints from the ship's buttons had molded into the side of your face from how deeply you had sunk into the panel. Even though it seemed like the most uncomfortable place to get some shut-eye, that nap was probably the best dose of sleep you'd had in years. You looked out the window groggily to see the landing bay on Starkiller, it was so much bigger than you imagined.

You turned to face the pilots' seat, expecting to see Commander Ren staring at you in dissatisfaction, but he wasn't there. In fact, there was no seat.

You spun your head around the other way, seeing the co-pilots seat, your seat, completely empty. You slapped your hand over your mouth, turning around slowly to see Commander Ren sitting in the pilots' seat, with you on his lap. You let out a shriek in panic, stumbling out of the chair, and flopping onto the floor, and directly onto your ass.

"You fell asleep," he stated plainly. "I needed to fly the ship."

This was completely embarrassing, how could you have fallen asleep on the job in the first place? It was only supposed to be a short nap, and the ship was supposed to go off, and you expected it to be loud enough to wake you, and cause you to wake before the Commander even entered the room.

"I shouldn't have fallen asleep, sir. I'm sorry," you whimpered, hoping this wouldn't land you in a monstrous amount of trouble.

He sighed, rising out of his seat so powerfully it nearly caused you to choke. "I expect that it won't happen again," he said bluntly, outstretching a hand to pick you up from the ground you laid helplessly on.

"Now come on. There's business to attend to."

The part of Starkiller Commander Ren was taking you through was a completely foreign area. Though the times you had been there having only been for repairs, you still felt a moral obligation to know more than you did, especially since you were there with someone so high up the ranks, he made Hux look like a joke.

Unexpectedly, he took you by the arm and dragged you into a dark, but vast room. A large glass table sat at the center of it, lined with at least a dozen chairs, with the one at the head of it looking more like a throne. The area reminded you of his quarters you had visited all that time ago. A glint of light caught your eye from across the room. A bed frame, the headboard a shiny, black material, and the sheets followed that same color pattern, but with a matte texture.

Breath escaped you as you finally put the pieces together, this was his living quarters.

"Stay put," he instructed, waltzing off into another room connected to the one you were in. You gave a nod in agreement, though he was out of sight before you managed to get that signal out. Like a child in a candy store, you gazed up at the tall, chandelier decorated ceilings, your mouth drooling at the sight of them. The room seemed so plain upon first glance, but the craftsmanship put behind it was unlike anything you had seen, far greater than anything you had seen on the Finalizer. It was majestic, elegant even. How could he ever afford to leave such a gorgeous and comforting place, just to venture out into such horrid wasteland?

The Commander presented himself from behind a large, blackened metal wall, with a mirror placed directly at the center of it. You looked at him, realizing nothing had changed about him. There was no file in his hand, no confidential reports. But there was one thing, and once you had noticed it, he slipped it from behind his back. In his hand was a solid black uniform, a small black cap alongside it. This piece of clothing was exactly like what you were wearing, but with his insignia on it instead of Huxs'.

"Your new uniform," he stated, reaching his hand out to bless it upon you. "If you're going to work as my secretary, you'll need to look the part."

You reached your hand out, ready to take it from his grasp, but you paused. Levitating your hand above the uniform, you tried to force yourself down to take it, but some unknown entity wouldn't allow it.

"Why do you hesitate?"

"I- I don't know," you whimpered, straining yourself in an effort to push your hand down to take the uniform. He stood there for a moment, watching you struggle to grab it from his hands. But after just a few more seconds, he grew tired of the waiting and snatched it away from you. The fast and rapid motion sent you flinching away from him, worried a gloved hand would slap you across the face like before.

"After all this, and you still want him?"

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, staring upon him with a lack of understanding. "Sir, what do you mean?" You asked, watching as his body began to shake with rage.

"Hux. He still infects your mind like the mangy vermin that he is."

"Don't call him that."

An invisible force wrapped around your neck, ripping you off of the ground and into the Commander's grip. His gloved hand tightened around your vocal cords, cutting off the blood circulation to the rest of your body

"And what will you do about it, pest?"

Your spit curdled in the back of your throat as you tried to painfully intake even the slightest amount of air. The seems on his gloved hand dug into the sides of your neck, practically slicing it open.

"P-put me down," you stammered, unable to move any part of your body to fight back. He shook his head, clicking his tongue as the grip became so tight your vision became hazy. So much pressure was building up in your head it felt as if you were seconds from explosion.

"Take the uniform."

You wanted to scream for help, get anyone who might be outside his quarters to rush in and stop this. This wasn't supposed to be permanent, you would go back to Hux soon and finally be rid of the Commander. But Gods, you foolishly didn't want to be away from him. Part of you wanted him in such an unholy and disgusting manner, more emotion than you had ever felt for another man. If getting him to stop behaving towards you in this way, meant you had to wear a new garment, then so be it.

"Fine," you choked. "I'll take it. J-just please, put me down."

He purred in excitement by your agreement, this time carefully placing you back on the floor of the room. You massage the parts of your neck that his gloves grip had dug into, hoping that with somewhat soothe the pain. His hand returned into an outstretched position, displaying the uniform to your gaze once more. You snatched it out of his hand, showing him this wasn't your actual choice to take it.

"I need to change," you stated, looking around the room for any place to go. "You got like a bathroom or something?"

"No. You can change in front of me."

You paused. "I'm sorry, what?"

He raised his hand up in the air, causing the invisible force to swirl around your body. It squeezed at almost every inch of your body, including the most intimate parts. It paused on your throat, stroking down your gullet like a knife. "Would you like that wrapped around your pretty little neck again?" He asked bluntly. "Do as you're told."

You nodded, knowing that again, you had no choice in the matter. Bending down, you slipped off your long, black, and shiny boots from off of your feet. Since you didn't receive a change of socks with this new uniform, Commander Ren would not be seeing your bare feet. If he was into that sort of stuff, you might have to run.

It was a slow effort to remove your belt that was tightly fastened to your waist. A pool of sweat began to form against your brow bone, and your back felt burning hot, practically on fire. This was the most degrading task you ever had to complete, and what purpose did this serve? Was this an act of ridicule so the Commander could show you were in submission? Or, did he genuinely want this?

Commander Ren walked slowly towards you, reaching down for your belt as he hastily unfastened it.

"Is it that hard to remove?" He asked, now having it fully unbuckled. With a loud clatter, he dropped it to the floor beside you, and with a swift motion, your pants were long gone too. He groaned with pleasure as he stared down at your bare thighs, studying them with lustful intent.

"Now, the top," he grunted, reaching for the bottom of your shirt as he lifted it up over your head. The cold air of the room brushed against your exposed breasts, giving you flashbacks to that day in the washroom. You hated this, you knew you hated this, and that you wanted nothing more than to put that new uniform on and be done with this whole ordeal, and yet, the way he gazed upon your body without judgment or ridicule made you feel so...

Wanted.

You stared back at him with a feeling of lust sparkling within your eyes, and he could sense it, see it. His hands rode up against your body, his chest pressing against your own. Firmly, he squeezed both of your breasts, flicking your nipples in search of a playful response from your throat. He got it. You let out a soft moan in response. Gods, he knew how to get you off.

"How unnerving," he groaned, grinding his length against your extended thigh, pressing himself deeper into your flesh. "If only Hux could see what a filthy slut you've become." Your face flushed with red, embarrassed of how much pleasure and excitement you were getting out of this. Whimpers protruded from your lips as he circled his gloved fingers around your body, his concealed cock pressing against you, filling your clit with unmatched desire.

"You want this so badly," he whispered, biting sensually at your ear, causing all breath to escape your lungs. "Tell me how you want it."

You could hardly speak. Your legs were trembling, the only way you were still on your feet was the fact Commander Ren had pressed you up against a wall. "I-" you went to speak, but another moan escaped your lips as he began to claw at your neck, his fingertips coated in leather gliding over your veins, squeezing on every inch of your bare flesh.

"Say it, pest."

"I want- I want you, Commander.."

"How do you want me?" He insisted, pressing himself deeper into your legs, his cock pulsing against your trembling body. You weren't ready for that mass to enter your tight cunt, he knew that, he had to know that. No matter how many lustrous thoughts danced through your mind, it wasn't time, you couldn't handle it. Despite the fact your body craved it, your clit throbbed for it, you simply couldn't.

"Mm. Can't take it? Can you, whore?" He grunted. "There's still, something else you can do for me." With abruptness, he forced you down onto your hands and knees, and you knew what was coming next. You looked back up at him with that same, filthy look of desire in your eyes.

"Commander..."

You went to speak, but he cut you off by shoving his thumb, coated in his leather glove, down in the back of your throat. The initial forcefulness of the blow caused you to gag as a response, even more embarrassing. You tried to play it off like it didn't happen, now sucking and swirling your tongue around his thumbs tip, treating it as something else.

"Filthy little thing," he teased. "You must've dreamt of this."

You couldn't speak with that mass in your mouth, so a simple nod sufficed. Though you could've afforded to get off on ducking nothing more than his thumb, and maybe he could've as well, the leather encasement dried out every part of your mouth, making it impossible for you to gain anymore saliva to continue the act.

"Not a fan of the leather?" Commander Ren asked, pulling his thumb away from your mouth. You reached out in displeasure, not wanting him to take it away from you just yet. You were needy, hungry for his blissful touch, and lusting to satisfy his needs.

"Hush, little one. So clingy," he remarked. Reaching for his waist, a terror filled expression spread across your face. "I have something better to fill that filthy mouth of yours," he purred, unsheathing his hardened length from the inside of his trousers.

You kneeled there in horror as you gazed at his monstrously sized cock, completely speechless at the fact you would have to fit that mass inside of your mouth. The first thought that crossed your mind was "I'm going to choke on that." But the Commander liked to choke you, so that shouldn't be a real issue.

"Don't think you can take it?" He cooed, gripping the back of your head as he pulled you closer to his cock.

"You will."

Without another moment's hesitation, Commander Ren wrapping his hand up in your hair, and burrowed his cock deep inside of your throat. You gagged the second it rubbed against your uvula, it seemed so much bigger on the inside. "Flattering," he chuckled, sliding his cock in and out of your mouth as if it was your hole, violently face-fucking you.

You encased your lips around his length, trapping him inside of your mouth. He moaned out in pleasure as he began to thrust harder and faster into your throat. Your clit began to pulse, a stream dripping out of your entrance and onto your underwear. His breath grew heavy, his throat producing huffs in between his groans as your tongue swirled around his tip, hoping for him to bust all over your face. You reached a hand up, wrapping it around the part of his cock your mouth was not encased around.

"Fuck," he huffed, his breath growing more sporadic with every thrust. This was beyond fucked up, you knew that, he had to know that. You, down on your knees in nothing but your undergarments, your Commander, your bosses' hands wrapped up in your hair as he fed you his cock. It should've never happened, any of this, but you wanted it to, and he knew that.

His cock began to surge inside of your mouth, his legs trembling in place. One last time, he forced your jaw open by ramming himself inside of your throat, his tip gliding down the hull of your esophagus. With another powerful grunt, his seed burst in your mouth, the taste stinging your lips. Such a salty, yes sweet sensation gliding over every single one of your tastebuds. He pulled out gently, tilting your chin up to face his.

"Swallow," he instructed, now squeezing your jaw with his hand. You did as you were told, swallowing every bit of his cum that filled your mouth. "Look at you," he purred as he reapplied the bottom half of his uniform. "To think I believed you would be a waste of my time."

You rolled your eyes at him, thinking back on your midlife crisis that took place in the cockpit earlier that day. Your assumption was completely and utterly correct. His cock was all worth the degrading and abuse, so fucking worth it.

The new uniform he had lain out for you was now scattered throughout the room. You bent over to pick up it's pieces, wrapping each layer of clothing over your nude body.

"Come now," Commander Ren asserted, ushering for you to join him at his side once your uniform was finally fastened over every inch of your body.

"We aren't finished yet."

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