#(In the end I think its important to remember AS A Genre series)

[izzyizumi]

Some Digi-Fan At Me: ArE YOU WATCHING DIGIMON CON???!

M E: While I am watching "Digimon Con", I am keeping my expectations LOW. I am personally happy just to be watching anything relevant to Digimon or Adventure/02 as a series. While I do have hopes for "reveals", I know by now, especially after last year, to keep those hopes IN CHECK and not immediately expect the biggest, best possibility and combinations of "concepts" that we could ever hope to "receive". We may not even "receive" a whole 'new' series, spin-off or movie! We already have a movie ("Zero Two" related/sequel Movie "The Beginning"!) recently!! Nothing is guaranteed!! Even in regards to the games potential, absolutely nothing* can be assumed there (*We'll ignore that the heads of the games have already mentioned, at the very least, possible ports??? and the like of previous older games if there was enough interest, which I am definitely not hyped about re: the potential for those games I never got to play.) I am perfectly fine with this and am not changing my opinion any time soon, so PLEASE do not ask me anything like this unless you want my HONEST opinion about what I'm interested in--!!

MY MIND: (IF I SEE ANYTHING FOR MY FAVS OR POTENTIAL 'NEW' FAVS I'M GONNA FLIP IN THE GOOD WAY!!!!)

[awrkive]

THE LOVE PROGNOSIS, fin. — JJK (m.)

for as long as you can remember, you’ve always been a hopeless romantic.

the girl who’s always dreamt of cheesy encounters with her soulmate, grand love declarations, and a cute little beach wedding to boot. but reality pretty much slaps you hard right on the face, because love, unfortunately, doesn’t come grand — it’s simple and it’s quiet, but it is quite painful, especially when the love that you’ve been seeking for all your adult life has just been right under your nose all this time.

PAIRING jungkook x female reader // mingyu x female reader

GENRE r18+ (angst, fluff, smut) MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

CHAPTER WORD COUNT 43.2k idcccccc atp😭 take ur time!

CHAPTER WARNINGS/MISC medical!au, roommates!au, surgeon!jk, surgeon!reader (they are both 4th year residents and are co-workers), corporate lawyer!mingyu, oc and jk are bffs since med school but their love language is fighting each other <3, jk and mingyu are bffs during undergrad, hopeless romantic!oc. dont read further warnings if u dont wanna be spoiled: ANGST. im aware i kinda overkilled it here but uh.. hear me out! explicit sexual content [ male mast*rbation, oral s*x (f&m receiving), making out, dry h*mping, penetr*tive s*x (protected and unprotected, missionary, cowgirl, doggy, spooning), a bit of c*mplay, jk <3 boobs, ily kink (redacted) cries during sex lol ]. FLUFFy fluff fluffff 😖 some of the scenes give very much like 2000s romcom vibes but idc sue me also theres a #merder reference ifykyk

NOTES we have finally reached the end! sorry it took me a month to get this out sjdfhd but its here and its long as fuck n im so proud of this and happy that i finished a series!! for once!!! will always love my silly tlp couple and the characters 🥹 let me know ur thoughts on my inbox oki and circulate by liking and reblogging if u enjoyed reading hihi ty ok bye enjoy reading!🫵🏼🫵🏼 [ important: pls make sure to read the note below ]

[ SERIES MASTERLIST ] // [ MAIN MASTERLIST ]

A day passed since the fiasco at the villa happened and Jungkook and you have acted like total strangers since then. The rest of your friends easily took notice of it; the silence between you two on the ride to the airport, the not-so discreet way you avoided each other at the waiting area, even going as far as exchanging seats inside the plane when on any other day, you two didn’t mind being close together physically. 

Jungkook knows absolutely that the avoidance is doing you both a disservice. You’re both grown adults and going to extreme lengths to ignore each other – like not even looking at the other when you bump in the hospital hallways – is a one-way ticket to your relationship’s foundations crumbling. 

That thought terrified Jungkook so much that he decided to come clean tonight. Talk to you properly when his mind is cleared and there was no Mingyu to aggravate his thoughts and project actions he’s not necessarily proud of – because the fight was juvenile, he knows that. Him committing and giving in to violence is not something he wants you to see, no matter the context. You were right when you said that was not him, and Jungkook can’t have you thinking otherwise.

When he steps in front of your apartment door, he thinks if you’re already there. He isn’t entirely sure. You two haven’t seen each other at the hospital and you haven’t been texting him either.  You might still be doing your rounds, he thought, but when he opens the door to your unit and trudges his feet to the living room, he catches a sight of you going out from your bedroom.

The two of you freeze upon seeing each other, but Jungkook’s surprise soon turns into confusion when he notices the carry-on luggage in your hand.

“Oh, you’re here,” You utter, filling the silence in the air. “I was just going.” 

“Where?” Jungkook instantly asks, taking you both by surprise. 

But you quickly recover. You give him a small smile – but what Jungkook clearly sees is a wince.  

“I’m going over to my sister’s,” You must’ve seen the way Jungkook’s boring holes at your pink luggage, and so you take a glance at it momentarily, tugging on the handle to scoot it over closer to your side. You clear your throat. “I’m staying there for a while.” 

Jungkook feels a certain weight drop on his shoulders, his lips parting at your declaration. 

“__, i-if this is about what I said, you don’t have to leave—”

You cut him off quickly. “No. It’s not that. I just… I just need some time away.”

Even though he doesn’t like the implication, he gets you.

Blinking, he thinks what to say next. Jungkook doesn’t want to say the wrong words – he’s well aware of the fact that he's put his foot in his mouth back at the resort, and he’s not fucking up the second time around. 

While he intended to talk to you tonight to address the elephant between you two, he also understands completely why you need time for yourself. It was too much. He told you a lot of things and he can’t expect you to process all of them in a single day.  

So, he nods, still stricken, heart heavy when he looks at you again. “Okay.” 

“Okay.” You repeat, voice a little louder than him. A pregnant pause, and you’re pulling up the handle of your luggage again, the wheels gliding on the floorboards as you begin to head towards the door to your apartment.

Jungkook doesn’t mean to sound so alarmed when he suddenly blurts out, “Now?” 

He doesn’t even know why. It was the obvious. You’ve packed your things – you’re heading out. But he couldn’t stop himself. It’s like there’s a sense of fear clouding his mind the more this moment of you leaving stretches out further.

You stop on your tracks, blinking at him. “Y-yeah?” 

“Oh.” Jungkook feels his hand itching to do something. Something stupid like grab your wrist gently to make you stay. 

But he knows that’s futile. He doesn’t have the right to make you stay if you don’t want to in the first place. 

“Seokjin’s actually coming in a few minutes,” you tell him, glancing at your phone. “My sister’s still at work, so she made him pick me up.” 

Jungkook can only give you a nod.

It makes sense for your brother-in-law to come pick you up. It also makes sense for you to stay over their place considering that their apartment isn’t that far from the hospital and you won’t have a hard time commuting to work if you planned to stay there for a little while. 

He wonders, though, why you aren’t staying at Doyeon’s instead… he doesn’t know if you’ve talked already, but from what it seems, you aren’t talking to the rest of your friends, either; judging by the way he hasn’t seen you together with any of them at the hospital. Taehyung had suggested that maybe you just need time, to which Doyeon and Nayeon agreed to. Jungkook can’t help but feel bad, though. You’re seemingly coming out isolated at the end of his own doing. If you’re avoiding your friends just because of him, that would be extremely unfair to you. Taehyung, Doyeon and Nayeon are just as much as your friends as they are his, and during these times, you should feel comfortable taking solace in their friendship like how he’s leaning on them currently.

Guilt washes over him at the thought. He can’t bear thinking about you hurting in the process of all of this. He just wants so badly to make it up to you, for you both to be okay again. You didn’t even have to acknowledge what he said – about him being in love with you. You could totally ignore it and act like it never happened, go on about your days like nothing changed as long as you’re by his side.

It hurts. It hurts that even when you’re just physically within his reach right now, he can’t seem to get a hold of you. And he has no one to blame but himself. 

A phone rings and Jungkook watches as you fish out your device from your pockets. 

“Must be Jin.” you say, picking up the call. You exchange a few words with your brother-in-law for a few seconds before hanging up and looking at him again. “He’s outside already.” 

Jungkook nods, biting back the words that consist of something stupid like “don’t leave”. 

“Your car…?” He hesitates, remembering how you’d drive to work. 

“It broke again yesterday. I’m actually… uh… thinking of just selling it. Get it over with.”

Your car. You mentioned your parents have turned it over to you during your junior year in college. It always broke in the most inconvenient times – like the one time you had a bad date, and you panicked-texted him about the car towing company not picking up. It was a Sunday and Jungkook was supposed to go over some paper works, but he scrambled out of his room to get you – and he didn’t regret it one bit because you were actually crying the moment he arrived. You had been overstimulated, what with another failed date and your broken car – it was all too much. And you just needed Jungkook to be there. You told him so. 

Jungkook cherishes those moments a lot. Not because you cried in them – he always felt like it was a punch to the gut whenever he sees you even an ounce of upset – but because it tells him that you trust him with that vulnerable side of you. It means he’s important enough to you to let him in your life. It’s one of those moments where Jungkook truly steps back to reevaluate your relationship – because sure, it could be merely friendship to anybody, but Jungkook doesn’t really think so. Your bond runs deeper than friendship, and he doesn’t even mean romantic. It’s the… camaraderie. The partnership.

He could’ve confessed a long time ago – that’s what people kept saying, but what they don’t know is that he has so much to lose. You are more than just the woman he would love to kiss and make love to or call his girlfriend – you’re the love of his life, you’re everything to him. And if he can’t have you in any way, he’d truly break. 

And now that everything’s said and done – with him finally baring his truth to you – it’s come to this.

You, leaving.

The silence that follows pricks Jungkook’s skin like needles, and the creak of your steps on the floorboards ring in his ears – a daunting harsh whisper of your farewell – although it’s just temporary. 

But something worries him. 

What if it’s not temporary? What if during your stay at your sister’s place, you decide to completely get rid of his company for the good and better? 

It’s all those frantic thoughts that urges him to call your name, but he doesn’t expect your voice overlapping with his as you say his name at the same time. 

Jungkook’s lips curl up slightly. “What is it?” 

Predictably, you wave your hand at him. “No, you first.”

“It’s okay.” 

Your hand hovers over the handle of your suitcase as you pass by him, stopping on the threshold of your apartment. “I just…” you trail off. You look at Jungkook for a moment. “I just wanted to say bye. And uh… that… I drank all your banana milk in the fridge. But I’ll wire you the money later. Or buy you another batch and I’ll give it to you at the hospital or—”

Jungkook cuts you off by calling out your name, broken by a laugh of amusement. His first smile today, maybe. You look at him wide-eyed. It’s fascinating the way you have him completely wrapped around your finger and you’re not even doing anything.

“It’s fine. You don’t need to wire me anything.” 

“Oh... well, I’m still sorry.” He nods, giving you a small smile. “What was it you wanted to tell me, then?” 

Right now, he forgets what it was even all about. “Just, uh, please tell your sister and Seokjin hyung I said hi.”  

Jungkook doesn’t want to delude himself into thinking that your face flashed a look of disappointment for the briefest moment after he said the words. At the back of his mind, he thinks you were expecting more – but he knows he’s reaching, grasping for straws, and he’s just desperate for anything from you he can’t really rationalize his line of thinking. 

So with a final wave of your hand – a bit timid – you turn around and open the door to your unit, and Jungkook watches as your form disappears completely, leaving him stoned in his position in the middle of the living room for a long time; head empty, body numb, until he gathers time to collect himself and finally move over to the bathroom, where he takes a cold shower in hopes for an improved mood.

It didn’t really do anything, and he found himself having a hard time sleeping – waking up randomly during the wee hours of the morning.

When he stirs awake from his blaring alarm at 5:30, he’s nothing but adrift.

It feels weird when he goes to the kitchen and he doesn’t see you, as he expects you to be there in whatever worn up shirt from high school you still have, making toast or some quick breakfast – with your playlist playing from your phone – but you weren’t. 

And Jungkook remembers that would be the case for another few days to come. Something he has to be okay with.

For the meantime.

He hopes.   

Jungkook doesn’t get drunk often, but now, his friends are assuming he is. For the record, though, he is not drunk and they are just exaggerating. Sure, he’s staggering and he’s mixing up his syllables and grammar – but he swears he just feels a little woozy.

“Jungkook,” Doyeon calls him, laughing a bit. “Come on, Taehyung’s driving you home.” 

“Don’t want to,” He says as he takes another swig of his fifth canned beer he’s been consuming since they all arrived at the barbecue place. “I can handle my alcohol.”

Which — fair. That’s not new news. But still—

“No shit, you have a shift tomorrow at eleven in the morning. Don’t be stubborn. It’s time to go home.” 

“It’s fine, I’ll Uber back.” 

Jungkook watches as Doyeon rolls her eyes. 

“Are you really moping right now?” 

He sends her a glare – one that she predictably does not take seriously. “‘M not moping. You’re moping.” 

“And I’m Kate Bush. Taehyung, can you just drag Jungkook out of here? I think he’s gonna cry any minute now and the auntie is closing. We gotta go.” Nayeon butts in, and even though her words may seem harsh around the edges, she looks at Jungkook with a concerned gaze. The playful atmosphere from earlier now dissipating.

Jungkook appreciates the warmth that he gets from Nayeon’s gentle approach to everything – but right now, all it does is make him feel pitiful. Doyeon’s right. He is moping. Moping for something that should’ve been within his control in the first place.

“Man, you know you bench way more than me. I can’t carry you out all by myself if you’re all drunk and shit.” Taehyung nudges him on the shoulder, enough to make Jungkook move from his seat. He only grumbles.

Doyeon sighs. “What do you want, Jungkook? Call __? Tell her you’re getting wasted and come pick you up?” 

Jungkook visibly flinches at the mention of you.

Ever since they arrived at the restaurant, Jungkook has noticed that his friends have been deliberately omitting your name in the conversation – until now, anyway. He thinks they all planned this spontaneous hang to “cheer him up” or whatever the fuck Taehyung said on their way here – which seemed like a slip-up, because Doyeon had hit the back of his head lightly right after saying it. 

They’re walking on eggshells around him like he’s some kind of house of cards – one nudge and a blow and he comes crumbling down.

Jungkook hates getting doted on like this. It’s not like you two broke up. They just knew that you went to stay at your sister’s place for a while and you never said when you’re coming back. He hasn’t had any encounters with you at the hospital nowadays – you’re getting good at hiding from him and the rest of the gang, and every single day bleeds into countless sleepless nights. You’ve been gone for five days; no calls, or at least a text. And it seems like you deactivated your IG. You aren’t tweeting or reblogging shit on Twitter as well. You’ve gone completely silent – and with every waking moment that Jungkook spends a day without your presence, it feels like you’re slowly slipping through his fingers.

“No.” he glares at the three of them. Standing up, he feels his vision dancing at the sudden action.

Well. Maybe he is sort of drunk. A little. 

“Hey, man, let’s go.” Taehyung ushers once again. This time, Jungkook acquiesces but with a groan. Nonetheless, he lets Taehyung wrap his arm around him to prevent him from tripping on his own feet.

When Jungkook manages to stand firm on the ground, he shuts his eyes tight to get a hold of himself and once again look at Doyeon and Nayeon who are still sitting by the table. With a confused expression, he asks, “Thought we’re all going?” 

“Minhyuk will pick me up.” Nayeon says. Jungkook nods, directing his gaze to Doyeon.

“Somebody’s picking me up, too,” When Jungkook squints his eyes at her, she rolls her eyes. “Don’t start. Tae, drive safely, okay? You didn’t drink, right?” 

Taehyung shakes his head and gives both women a reassuring nod before they head out of the building when goodbyes were bid, with Taehyung still pressing a hand on Jungkook’s back because he’s still a bit unstable on his feet. It’s not bad, though, Jungkook doesn’t think so. He just feels dizzy and shit, but it’s not anything water can’t solve.

Fuck, now he wants to get in bed as soon as possible. After a cold shower. 

“Sorry, man.” he says as he plops down on the passenger’s seat, buckling the seatbelt around himself. 

Taehyung comfortably settles on the driver’s seat, adjusting the rearview mirror a bit before starting the engine. But not after he responded to Jungkook with a snort, “It’s fine.” 

It’s a quiet car ride and Jungkook can already feel his eyelids threatening to fall, the haze of sleep already clouding his mind. He can’t recall how far it takes from the restaurant to his complex, but soon enough, Taehyung’s voice wakes him up from his stupor. 

“You okay there?” 

Jungkook hums, leaning back to relax his nerves. A minute flies and he sighs loudly, making Taehyung look at him momentarily.

“Don’t sleep on me. Again, I am not willing to carry you all the way to your apartment, fucker.”

That makes Jungkook laugh, a snicker escaping past his lips. It makes Taehyung do the same, scoffing at his friend as he did so. The car ride continues into a stretched-out comfortable silence before Taehyung breaks it with a question of, “You two still haven’t talked?” 

Jungkook stiffens at the mention, and he knows his friend notices the way he did, but he quickly tries to shake it off. “Yeah. She’s still at her sister’s.” Taehyung nods. When Jungkook looks at him, he decides to ask, “What ‘bout you? She reached out yet?” 

“No.”

Jungkook inhales a sharp breath. 

This is bad. You’re ignoring all your friends because of him. 

“Sorry.” Jungkook says after a pregnant pause.

“What for?”

“Dunno. Feels like it’s all my fault,” a sigh escapes past his lips again. “You guys don’t deserve to get caught up in this.”

“Jungkook,” There’s a lilt to Taehyung’s voice that reminds Jungkook again that the man beside him is older than he is and sometimes, Taehyung can be way more mature, almost like an older brother. He forgets their age difference most of the time. “Don’t say that.  __ just needs her time. She’ll come around.”

The smile Jungkook gives his way is bitter but it’s a smile, nonetheless.

“I don’t know, Tae,” He leans his head back on the seat, staring at nothing in particular. “It’s different this time.”

“You’ve fought before,” Taehyung points out. “How is this different?” 

Jungkook does know what he’s trying to point out. He may be referring to the time in third year of med school when you didn’t talk to him for a month – but still. This, right now – whatever is happening – is far from what happened back then.

“Just different,” He shrugs, a poor attempt at nonchalance so Taehyung doesn’t think he’s being pathetic. “I feel like this is it.” Taehyung looks at him curiously when the red light turns on. It makes Jungkook squirm, but he voices out what he feels, anyway. “I’m losing her.”

That felt weird the moment it slips his tongue. For the past few days, it’s been in his head – making up the mess of his thoughts. When he said that, for once, it felt like finality. Like its verbalization actually made it real. 

He does feel like he’s losing you. And it feels like the absolute truth.

“You can’t say that when you haven’t even talked to her, Jungkook,” Taehyung says and he says it so firmly. When Jungkook studies the older guy’s face, it’s etched with sincerity, especially when he adds, “Do you really think she’ll let go of an almost decade-long relationship just because of what happened? Frankly speaking, even if she does not feel the same way about you at all, I know her enough to know that she’ll have at least the decency to let you down properly. I think she’s just trying to think all of this through. She’ll talk when her head’s clear.” 

Jungkook finds himself processing his words. You are exactly like that. You’re the type of person to need your personal space when you’re confronted by huge predicaments. When he thinks about it – you have so much on your plate. Mingyu, him, your relationship with each of them; Jungkook realizes things must be so hard for you right now, both emotionally and physically. And you’re dealing with all this while still showing up for your rotations.

“You’re right.” Jungkook whispers. 

“Just… time, okay? You both need time.” Taehyung says and for once, Jungkook smiles a genuine one. 

The light turns green, and Taehyung continues to drive. 

Taehyung decided to turn up his jazz playlist and it eased Jungkook’s mind a bit. But it did lull him to sleep all the way to his apartment complex. Thankfully though, it only took Taehyung a few seconds of nudging him before he stirred awake, disoriented when he opened his eyes only to hear his friend say they were already there, ushering him out of his car. 

He said his thanks to Taehyung, and his friend made sure to tell him to take it easy before he took off. When he was gone, Jungkook went straight to the elevator to press his floor, mind and body working on autopilot as he sauntered over the hallway to stop in front of his unit.

When the door opens, he feels a sense of calmness at the sight of his own place with everything at his disposal including the bathroom that he quickly head towards, not hesitating to strip himself naked on the way to the shower, letting his clothes form a heap on the threshold; bare and naked without a care in the world.

Stepping into the shower box, he turns the showerhead on, hissing at the cold water spraying onto his skin. He needed the cold to get rid of his sluggishness – and it works just as instantly as he’d hoped. 

Both of his hands shoot up to brush his hair off his forehead, and he stays in that position for awhile; with the water running on his body and his head leaned back a bit, eyes closed as he relaxes. 

He mindlessly reaches for his shampoo bottle, but when he opens the cap, he smells a completely different product. What welcomes him when he opens his eyes back again is the familiar sight of Bath and Body works bottle. Your water lily springs body wash.

Despite his current headspace, it brings a smile to Jungkook’s lips.

Right.

He’s noticed in the past few days that you left it in your shared bathroom. Considering all the things that you still have around the apartment, it didn’t really look like you packed a lot of things when you left – which should ease Jungkook’s mind. Still, though; the small size of your luggage and the quantity of what you brought with you do not matter when you still aren’t home. 

And with that, Jungkook feels himself slipping back into… mulling again. And he can’t help but heave out a sigh. 

He just… wants to rest for tonight. Just wants his head emptied out. Relax. He feels like he’s been on edge for the longest of time and he just needs some sort of – he’s not sure – comfort? Maybe something along the lines? 

And as if his hand has a mind on its own, he grips the bottle of your body wash and squirts an ample amount on his palm, the scent of water lily springs surrounding the confined space of the shower immediately. 

He lathers it all over his chest, inhaling the gentle waft and how it weirdly calms him from the inside. The room smells just like you. He smells just like you. And it isn’t the first time he’s doing this – he’s always liked the way you smelled, and he may have used your body wash by accident countless of times. Jungkook sometimes does it just to tease you – because you always point it out when you notice that he smells the same, and then you get all irritated and it makes Jungkook keen because you’re just so goddamn cute when you glare at him and when you get mean. Teasing you also means that you’d get mad enough to sulk at him, and that gives him the opportunity to make it up to you; and making it up to you means he gets all of your attention. 

It’s pathetic but Jungkook’s not ashamed to admit that – just to himself, though. He likes when you give him attention, can you blame him?

His mind goes back to the memory of you cuddling with him on the ground at that random playground near your complex, how you snuggled up to his arm, giggling and threatening him to stop using your body wash. He remembers all the times you would cook together on nights when you’re both free – lounging on the couch mindlessly, either watching a show and debating over useless, stupid stuff – or when you would force him to rub your foot or massage your neck. Jungkook doesn’t relent until after you complain for a good five minutes. He’s gotten better at pretending overtime that he doesn’t look forward to touching any part of you.

At that thought, he recalls the way your back felt on his hands when he rubbed sunscreen all over it when you were at the resort. How the plane of your gorgeous skin felt so smooth to the touch, how you make him feel even with just the slightest baring of your skin. 

Jungkook shuts his close when his mind goes into overdrive.

You. You. You and your bikini. You and your short shorts that might as well just be panties in disguise. You and those cute little, tight camisoles you always wear around the apartment. How he could just sometimes see the outline of your nipples where the thin material of your shirt clings to. How your bare legs look so good when you cross them while reading the paper on a Sunday morning by the kitchen island. How your breasts look like they could fit in Jungkook’s big palms with a bit of overspill – enough to drive him insane. 

These are the thoughts in Jungkook’s head as he continues to lather the liquidy texture of your body wash all over his body – and when his hand finally nudges the dick in between his legs, he groans. 

He’s not a stranger to getting off to the thought of you – you’re a gorgeous woman and it doesn’t really help the fact that he’s been in love with you for god knows how long – but it doesn’t mean that he does it guilt-free. He almost always feels like shit afterwards. 

But he can’t help it. Not when you’re all over his head again. Not when he’s thinking about how good it would probably fucking feel if he could just have a taste of your plump lips. How it would feel if he could just suck on your neck, paint you with his love there, down to your cleavage then play with both of your tits with his hands – be greedy with it – get your nipples rock hard and pretty tight for him, suck and latch and nip and lick them, make sure it’s all wet before he goes down more south. 

God. He thinks about it all the time. How’d it feel to go down on you. You’re so fucking pretty he could just imagine how gorgeous you would look down there, too. Were you the type to like getting eaten out? Jungkook hopes so. Because he would do everything to satisfy you. Fuck, he’d be so good to you. He’d tease your clit with his thumb first and you’d tell him that you’re aching for him bad – and he’d cave in and get his first taste with the flat of his tongue and fuck. You probably taste so good he’d crave it for days to come. 

The next thing Jungkook knows, he’s holding the base of his cock firmly, feeling it getting harder every second. It grows in his hand as he continues to think about eating your pussy, imagining the sounds you’d let out, how you’d look extra beautiful getting fucked by his tongue. Shit. He’d do it so well if you just asked. 

Jungkook traps his bottom lip with his teeth as he starts teasing his own cock, already in its full mass, hard and standing tall against his abdomen. He can see the shiny texture of his tip, precum leaking out, begging to be touched. He doesn’t wait any second to thumb the liquid off his head, letting out a half-sigh, half-hiss at how sensitive it felt, especially when he runs it over the veiny base.

Inhaling a sharp breath, Jungkook steps back a bit to cup his balls, squeezing it just enough to make him close his eyes. He repeats the motion of sliding his hand up and down his erect cock, feeling himself getting wetter at every second that passes. 

He gets a picture of you on your knees, and as he pumps himself at a slow pace, he imagines it’s you instead kneading him. You have slender fingers and pretty nails, it would feel so much better if they were wrapped around his cock right now. Your nails would scrape against his length, and you’ve held hands enough times for Jungkook to know that his hand is significantly bigger than yours, so you probably won’t fit all of him in your hand – but that’s alright. You’d tease him on the tip instead, spread his precum all over, get him needing and wanting more. 

Jungkook’s hips start to buck as he speeds up his pace, this time jacking himself harder as his mind jumps to more thoughts of you  — but this time around, you’re not on your knees: you’re pressed on the glass wall of the shower box, your ass bent for all of him to caress and squeeze, and you’re craning your head to look at him with hooded eyes, lips parted into a gorgeous “o” as you beckon him to come closer and put his hard dick in your warm, tight, and aching pussy. 

“Fuck.” Jungkook curses as he lets his forehead fall to the wall, resting there for a few good seconds, other hand scrambling to turn off the shower and quickly shutting his eyes close as he pictures himself thrusting into you instead of his stupid fucking hand.

“Shit, shit, shit—” He hisses, hand going faster around his length, pumping himself desperately to the thought of his dick sliding in and out of you.

Your moans would fill the tight room, and you’d sound so pretty. You’d be so pliant against the strong arm that he would wrap you with — and Jungkook would make sure to flick your nipples and fondle your breasts as he pounds into you from behind.

“Fuuuuck…” 

He grunts and he moans, hand impossibly going faster — dick getting harder. He just wants a release. He wants to cum so bad — to kiss you and love you and have you say it back with the same earnestness as him. 

Jungkook wants so badly to have you in his arms right after he eats you out, to cuddle with you and pretend like you have all the time in the world after he’s made sure to make love to every single inch of your body. To caress your hair and press a kiss on your head anytime he likes – because he’s allowed to. Because you love him. He just wants to be able to touch you in any way possible. Run his fingers over your back, kiss your cheeks, and your scrunched nose. Just wants to bury his face in your chest after a long day at work. Hold you tight against him. Have you close to him, whenever and wherever. 

But he doesn’t have all that. He can’t have all that. Not when you don’t even feel the same. Not when you reacted that way when he told you he loves you more than just his best friend. 

“I’m sorry, but I just can’t wrap my head around it. You’re not telling me the whole truth and frankly, I don’t believe you.”  

Your words ring in his ears as he continues to jack himself. 

The memory is still so vivid in his head — the surprised look on your face — certainly not the pleasant one. You were so… surprised. And angry. Like you didn’t believe any of what he said. Like you were trying hard to convince yourself that whatever you were hearing from him wasn’t true. 

Because she doesn’t feel the same way. Jungkook thinks.

He remembers the night you left. How you could barely look him in the eyes. 

“Shit—” Jungkook hisses as he squeezes his balls, hand pumping faster around his swollen cock. He closes his eyes as he tries to regulate his breathing, his stomach tightening at his impending release – and it’s the last thing he does in favor of his own sanity before his mind slips back again to life without you in it. 

He would never have you. He can never be anything to you anymore. 

He will never be, especially as he looks down at his hand on his cock.

How pathetic.

What would you think if you were to see him right now, getting himself off by imagining it’s you instead? You’d be so disgusted. You’d look at him like he’s a different person and feel betrayed because – how could the person you trust think about you like this? 

There’s that sense of self-hatred again that Jungkook feels whenever he jacks off to you. That fear of you finding out and not liking it. 

Jungkook tugs at his cock angrily as he thinks about all that, and he doesn’t notice that the stinging in the sides of his eyes would soon turn into tears running down his cheeks as he tries to reach his climax. 

You would hate him so much. You don’t even like him anymore. Don’t even want to live with him anymore.

But he just wants to cum so bad. Just wants to feel some sort of clarity. Delude himself into basking in that quick dopamine. 

He traps a sob in his throat as he makes quick work of his cock, and with one last squeeze around his tight balls, he shoots his hot cum to the wall, hips bucking at his orgasm. 

Letting out a series of hushed curses, Jungkook continues to pump his cock for more until he feels sensitive, and his dick turns soft and languid against his legs. 

He grabs the shower head to spray the cum off the wall, feeling the water already turning lukewarm. When he finishes cleaning his mess up, he grabs your body wash and exits the shower, throwing the bottle in the trash can with haste as if it burned him. As he turns back around, he catches sight of himself over the lavatory’s mirror. 

There are dark circles under his eyes — not too visible — but they’re there. His eyes are red from crying, and suddenly his body itches. He should shower again and actually clean up this time.

But Jungkook realizes as he stares at himself again… he has never looked so tired. Not even in med school. Or during internship. 

This whole thing is taking a toll on him – he knows that well by now. Even his friends do as well. He’s fucking up his sleeping schedule and he’s not even eating properly. He hits the gym not because he wants to but because it helps shut down his head.

Jungkook sighs. 

He’s long accepted that the love he holds for you is so big it sometimes borders on piteous. He’s spent so many years going into this kind of phase where he just mulls over the same thing; that he loves you, but you will never ever feel the same way back.

And the thing is, he's always been okay with it. Jungkook loves loving you. He’d be a fool not to when he genuinely thinks that you were made to be loved.  

But at this point, he just feels… tired.

Exhausted. Empty.

He wants to sleep. He wants to rest. He wants to wake up the next day and not feel like shit anymore.

Maybe Doyeon was right back at the villa.

It is time to move on.

And maybe… just maybe… unlike all the other times he’s attempted to do the same thing, this time around will be successful.

Your 7am to 2pm shift had just concluded when you arrived at your sister’s place, only to see them both all dolled up, ready to go out.

They told you that you could come with them if you liked, but of course you refused. You’re not the type to interrupt a date and they were certainly too in love for your liking. Don’t get you wrong, you love that for both – but you’re getting pretty sick of romance these days and you’re trying to avoid it as much as possible. Seokjin made sure to throw another one of his “Don’t mope around, okay? We have Macallan in the cupboards. You know the one.” jokes, though – having already known why you’re here in the first place – and your sister pinched his ear painfully enough for you to ignore and roll your eyes at him lightheartedly. 

Which leads you to now, binge-eating a left-over tub of vanilla ice cream on a Sunday afternoon from last night��s impulsive purchase. You know it’s going to make you feel like shit later, but you can’t really bring yourself to care – not when the ice cream tastes too good paired with a Sex and The City episode. 

You like to delude yourself you’re the early season Miranda; independent, boss bitch, career-driven, straightforward but kind. But you had a mortifying realization that maybe you’re actually Carrie. You’re both so obsessed with love and glorify the idea of “The One” that you overlook red flags in a guy just to stay in a relationship. And for what? To be completely broken and fucked over in the end of it all. 

But you don’t want to be Carrie – sure, she has a special place in your heart as a fictional character but real-life Carries, with all of their delusions and ideals, are not meant for the real world.  

“You’re watching that show again?”

You almost fall over the couch when you hear a familiar voice behind you, and when you crane your neck to look who it was, your eyes widen.

“Mom!” you exclaim, rightfully surprised. Your mother – in the flesh – smiles as she sees you grin. “Oh my god, I didn’t know you’d be here— wait, how’d you get inside?”

She waves you off. “You know your sister and Jin gave me a duplicate key to their place. Anyway, I’m just here to drop off some side dishes. Also, I know what you’ve been up to. And stop eating that ice cream.”

You pout, taking the tub away from you. When you see her walk towards the kitchen with her bags – presumably the side dishes she was talking about – you follow behind her steps, helping her load the containers in the fridge. 

“What do you mean you know what I’ve been up to?” 

“You and Jungkook fought, I heard.” 

“Mom,” you say with a tone that tells her you don’t want to talk about it at all. 

“You know I’m going over there shortly to give him these, right? Supposed to be for the both of you, but oh well, you’re lounging around here.” She says. 

“I’m not lounging around here. They love that I’m here.” You counter, referring to your sister and Seokjin. It almost sounded like a whine, though, more than anything. But it was true! They like you being here! They’ve always treated you like their child… but you know you’re kind of pushing it with your sixth-day-stay. 

Your mother looks at you disapprovingly, loading the last container before shutting the fringe doors shut. 

“Whatever you’re fighting about, you know avoiding it is not going to make it better.” 

You sigh. “I’m not even sure if we’re fighting, anyway.” 

“What’s that mean?” Your mom asks, sounding confused. You can imagine.

“I don’t know… just – I don’t think we’re angry at each other.”

“Not being angry at each other is worse than being angry at each other. That sounds like withdrawal.” 

You wince at her words. “Maybe.” 

Your mom sighs. She takes out a bit from the container of stir-fried zucchini and slides you both a plate. “Have you been eating real food? You look like you’re not eating properly.”

Teenager and college you would’ve rolled your eyes because she always says that you’re losing weight and blah blah blah, but it’s not even true. However, you do know she’s just concerned, though, and so you nod your head, picking up a zucchini and eating it.

“Yes. Jin’s a good cook.”

She nods, eating as well. “So is Jungkook. He hasn’t talked to you at all?” 

You thought you’ve dodged the topic of Jungkook completely but apparently your mom’s still on that. You nibble on your bottom lip as you think what to say.

“He… uhm… he didn’t text or call.” Well. There was one time. Two days ago. And it was just a simple text about informing you of the sudden change in the OR schedule. You replied to it with a thanks and a smiley face, but he didn’t say anything after that — not that your thanks should guarantee anything. That was not exactly a conversation starter.

Still. 

“Have you talked to him?” 

Shoot. 

You shake your head a bit. 

The truth is that you can’t be sad about Jungkook not reaching out when you haven’t been doing the same thing either. You’re running away from him – you can admit that. The past week hasn’t been your proudest moment. You’ve thought it over countless times; why you just can’t go ahead and speak to him – because heck, for eight years you’ve always done a good job at it, communicating with each other when things went wrong. Like when he teases you too much and you actually get offended, and the same goes for him.

But what happened wasn’t just something that came out of a supposedly lighthearted banter. It wasn’t your usual banter at all. 

“What happened, sweetie?” And this time your mom’s voice is bordering on concern. 

You don’t look at her when you say, “Jungkook said he’s in love with me.” 

You don’t get a reaction. At least – the reaction you were expecting. You thought she would gasp, or at least let out an, “Oh”, but there’s none of that. When you peer up at her, she just nods. 

As if the news was no surprise. 

“And I take it didn’t go well?” She looks at you gently. 

“N-no,” you stammer. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you say, “It was – it was so messy that day, mom. You know we went to that resort for his birthday, right? He and my boyfriend fought, and just – so much happened. I don’t even remember half of it. Just that he told me he’s been in love with me for the past eight years.” 

Your mom nods. “Your boyfriend… is that Mingyu?” 

“Yes.” It feels weird to call him your boyfriend now. You used to be so giddy calling him that. But right now, it feels almost icky. 

“Why did Jungkook and him fight?” 

You told her what Jungkook told you – everything, and your mom is sweet almost all of the time but as she listens to everything that Mingyu supposedly did and say – especially about you – she can’t help but knit her brows in that quiet anger you know all too well now. But it soon dissipates to worry. 

She steps closer to you. You look at her with a sad smile. With that, she encloses her arms around you, and you let your chin fall on her shoulder as you reciprocate her hug. You almost cry when she squeezes you. “How are you feeling then, sweetie?” She asks, voice so gentle and soft. Comforting. You think this has been what you needed all this time.

“Like shit.” you chuckle. “I’ve never been so tired. I haven’t even talked to Mingyu yet – I haven’t been talking to anybody, even my friends. I don't know why I’m like this.” 

“You know I worry for you.”

“Hm?” 

“You’re such a lovely, sweet girl. And these men keep breaking your heart. I wish I can ease your pain, honey. You have the biggest heart in the world.” 

You nibble on your bottom lip as you feel that stinging in your eyes at her words. You remember Jungkook saying almost the exact same thing.

“Jungkook told me that sometime ago.” you say, holding back the cry you know is coming out any second now. 

“He knows you well.” She says as she caresses your head. 

“I just…” you let out a sigh again, trying to shake off the oncoming tears. “When he told me he loved me all this time, I said I didn’t believe him. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I still can’t.” 

“Do you think he would lie about something like that?” 

It’s firm and final when you say, “No.” Because you know in your heart that was true. Jungkook is anything but a liar. And especially about something like that… you just don’t think he would ever hurt you intentionally. That’d be cruel and Jungkook was never cruel. It’s just not in his nature. 

“Hm. Then is it because you don’t feel the same way at all? That’s why you can’t believe it?” Your mom asks and it’s the most groundbreaking question you’ve ever heard after a while. 

Do you just… not feel the same way? 

That was definitely the biggest question you’ve been avoiding answering. 

But as your mom pushes you slightly so she can look at you earnestly, gently, like she has no expectations whatsoever – just here to hold and comfort you – it beckons you into spilling your emotions. 

“I… I really don’t know, mom.” You intake a sharp breath. “He’s been a constant presence in my life for eight years. We’ve never– we’ve never considered the possibility of being more than just friends. I– I don’t know why he would love me. Or fall for me. He’s never shown interest, the way I saw it – but these days I’ve been rethinking that and I’m beating myself over for being stupid because it’s like – how could I have not known? He’s always been so caring towards me. Always makes time for me. He’s never let me down and he’s just – he’s my person, mom. Always has been. And how could I have thought that he didn’t mean for that to come off as purely platonic?” you stop, feeling your lips wobble. “It’s just… I don’t know. I don’t know what to feel. All I know is that these days without him have been so painful, especially when we haven’t properly talked. I miss him everyday and it kills me that we aren’t like before right now. I want to be by his side all the time, and I think I may have taken that for granted for the past eight years we’ve known each other.” 

You don’t realize you’ve let out so much, but your mom just lets you snuggle closer to her, knowing that you’re feeling a lot right now. And you do. You haven’t talked to anyone about what you really felt – not even your sister, even though you knew she did her best to do so – but as your mom soothes your back with the gentle rub of her hand, you let yourself be comforted. 

“You know what I think, honey?” 

You look up at her with teary eyes, nodding weakly.

She gives you a small smile. “Do you remember that time when I thought he was your boyfriend when you brought him for Christmas?” 

Nodding, you chuckle. Second year of med school it was. Eunwoo was in Switzerland for a a big project – and Jungkook’s parents weren’t in town. You both didn’t have anybody to celebrate Christmas with and so you ended up asking Jungkook to come home with you. 

It wasn’t just your mom who thought he was your boyfriend. Your sister and Seokjin also assumed the same thing. 

Around that time, you haven’t introduced Eunwoo to them yet so basically, they didn’t know that you were taken already. 

“I think this is just me being old… but you kind of… you get to know these things, __. You’ll see somebody's eyes, they way they gaze at somebody. When we were opening those gifts during Christmas eve, I saw the way that kid looked at my daughter with so much adoration that I even thought you were just being coy about him being your boyfriend.” 

Your lips curl into a tight line. 

You… certainly did not notice any of that. Did that really happen?

“I think Jungkook’s a good man, and your dad is fond of him – he asked me yesterday if you’re gonna bring him for Thanksgiving or Christmas, he misses his chess buddy, it seems. No pressure, though,” your mom chuckles. “But Jungkook’s smart, kind, polite, works hard, really charming—” you laugh again, despite yourself, because that’s definitely true. He charmed your parents so quickly with ease. It’s just really about his pleasant personality that attaches people to him. “But most especially, he makes you really happy. I liked that Jaehyun guy and Eunwoo because they made you happy when you were together. Up until they didn’t. I only like people who are good to you, sweetie. That was why I liked your ex-boyfriends for a while,” She begins caressing your head again and you feel like a little girl again, finding comfort in your mom’s bedroom after a bad day at middle school. Your mom smiles softly before she continues, “But those men hurt you. And they leave you. And you know who hasn’t in the past eight years? The only one who’s been consistent in making you happy?” 

It’s Jungkook. He’s always been under your nose while you cried over other men, and he was there to support you through it all. He’s the one who makes you laugh at his stupid jokes. The one who sits with you in your feelings on days when you don’t feel your best. He’s the one who lets you cry on his shoulder when a surgery doesn’t go well, the guy who would drop everything for you with one text or call, the guy who gifts you stupid, stupid random things because they reminded him of you. He’s the guy who shares his playlists with you, comments silly stuff on your equally silly posts, and he’s the only one who has never, ever made you feel like you’re not enough. He’s the only one who has never left and hurt you. 

It’s always been Jungkook. 

Your mom doesn’t need to say the name, though, just one look at you and she knows you're thinking the same thing. 

It’s during midday at the hospital when you see Jungkook again.

The elevator dinged and the doors finally opened on your floor, but you froze in your position when you saw who was inside the whole time. 

It was Jungkook, sitting slightly on the handrails while crossing his arms. His posture straightened for a bit as he met your eyes, looking equally surprised as you. But then he recovered and relaxed in his position just as quickly. 

You couldn’t read the look on his face.

Taking a hold of yourself before the door automatically closes, you stepped a foot inside the lift and pressed on the button of your floor immediately. The 7th floor button is lightened up, so you assumed Jungkook was gonna get off earlier than you since you were going down on the sixth floor. 

The confined space had never felt more suffocating. You could feel there was something in the air – a thick tension that was getting too hard to bear every second you felt the elevator moving down. 

There was a lump that formed in your throat, especially when you caught a glimpse of the reader going floors down fast, and the 7th one was nearing. 

Your heart beat erratically against your chest. You didn’t even feel that nervous back in the OR twenty minutes ago.

But you figured it was the first time you felt close, after all.

It was funny, really – what you felt at that moment. Being physically close to Jungkook had never made you feel like that – like you’re on edge – you’ve always just approached it as something natural, like you were meant to be that way. And those times, you never really thought about the contact ending. 

But in that moment, it felt like he was slipping away – even though you were not even holding him in the first place. 

It was probably why you let out your next words, craning your neck to the side to try and look behind you where you knew Jungkook was at. 

“I miss you.” 

You barely said it. Felt like just a soft whisper as the words slipped past your lips, but there was a break around its edges – like it was the most vulnerable thing you’ve ever said. 

It was. 

And you didn’t exactly know why you did it. 

Maybe you just wanted him to know. Maybe you just wanted him to understand that… that you were still there. And that you missed him. Every single day. Regardless of what happened. 

There was a thick silence that hung in the air after that, and you should’ve taken back your words right after they came out. Embarrassment should’ve clouded you by then. But you couldn’t bring yourself to do so. 

That was as honest as you could get. 

You didn’t even expect a reply – assuming that maybe Jungkook hadn’t heard it. 

But you heard the soft tap of his steps on the floor and felt his overwhelming presence coming near you. And just like that, you knew he was behind you. Close. A hair's breadth away. 

Then, you hear him let out a soft sigh, and you could feel his breath brush against your ear as he leaned down. You never realized how much you craved his affection until you felt him slightly nudging his cheek against the crown of your head. 

It made you keen. Made you shut your eyes close. Basking in the moment, but you didn’t ignore the pain that it caused. 

Because somehow, despite what might seem like a sweet gesture – the whole thing felt like goodbye.

It was so intimate, though, that you almost forgot that you were currently on the 8th floor and he was dropping off on the next. 

The elevator dinged like a wake-up call. And when you opened your eyes, Jungkook had already peeled his body away from you. Nibbling on your bottom lip, you fought the urge to cry as you saw him walking out. 

Before the door closed, he took one look at you. His mouth opened, as if wanting to say something. You waited. But he closed his lips again, not bothering to look back for even one last time before the elevator doors closed in front of your face. 

The interaction left a certain melancholy in your heart, and it made you run on auto-pilot when the elevator stopped on your floor. 

You never expected for the encounter to happen – but it did, in its own way. And now you have to deal with the consequences of your impulsive actions.

Your mindless walking has led your feet to somewhere a bit secluded. It’s far across the hall, and you recognize it as some old, empty ward. You and your friends have one on the 5th floor but you don’t think you’ve never really been here before and so you weren’t sure.

But you’re desperate to let out a good cry. Maybe not exactly cry – but just be alone for awhile. The hospital and your schedule are busy enough as they are and it’s enough to keep your mind occupied since the morning – but that interaction with Jungkook at the elevator reminded you of the weight that you’ve been carrying lately and you just… want to dissipate a little. Even if it means sacrificing your three-minute lunchtime. 

You don’t suspect anything as you twist the doorknob open – surprise to see it’s not locked like you thought it would be. 

And the sight leaves your mouth hanging open. 

“Oh my god.” 

“What the fuck.” 

“Shit!” You watch as Doyeon pushes off the man wearing a white lab gown on top of her – a very familiar figure that you can only recognize as none other than the attending surgeon Dr. Kim Namjoon. 

A panicked, “I’m sorry!” leaves your mouth before you turn on your heel, ready to fly off the scene when you hear Doyeon’s voice calling you from behind.

“Wait, __!” 

You hesitantly look back.

It’s obvious what they were doing before you entered the room. Doyeon’s hair is unusually out of the ponytail she always shows up to work with, and Dr. Kim… Jesus. He’s always been so intimidating to you – with his tall stature and his aura that reeks so much of authority, even though he doesn’t even try, it feels so fucking weird to suddenly see him with his hair all mussed up when it always looks kempt every single time you see him along the hallways of the hospital. Right now, he looks coy, like he’s shrinking himself as he avoids looking at you.

“Dr. __, I am so deeply sorry,” His apology sounds so remorseful that you feel bad for even having to barge in. You can see Dr. Kim fumbling with his coat as he looks at Doyeon like he’s looking for help. Doyeon looks at him, but she just… rolls her eyes.

“Joon, just–” She cuts herself off, shutting her eyes close. Seemingly agitated. Or embarrassed. You don’t know why you’re still here. “You should leave now, I’ll talk to __.” Doyeon lets her gaze fall back to you and your eyes widen at the declaration, not really knowing if she was serious or not. 

You mean… what are you even going to talk about? Sure! You’re shocked as fuck to see them together in that position but you’re not about to ask her about her sex life!

… Okay. So maybe you are a little bit (only a little) curious about that.

Dr. Kim has always been a mystery to all of you. Taehyung and Jungkook admire him so much, the latter lowkey idolizes him at this point. Nayeon has always spoken highly about him and you’re literally a fan of all his work in his field, especially his books. It doesn’t help that he’s attractive as hell, too, and you all may have gossiped about him at one point in your lives – so sue you for being curious! You’re just human.   

“You sure?” Dr. Kim says, barely spoken, but you don’t miss the gentle way he holds Doyeon’s shoulder as he asks that, the way his face contorts into a concerned expression when he looks down at her. One quick interaction and you instantly realize that oh… this is serious. 

They’re not just having casual sex in this ward.

This is Doyeon’s boyfriend.

Your bestfriend nods at him and you step aside to give Dr. Kim some space to leave the room, still visibly stunned. You thought he was going to leave when he utters another apology again. 

“__, I’m really sorry about this behavior. Doyeon and I—” 

Doyeon groans. “Joon, oh my god. It’s fine.” 

You watch as Dr. Kim’s (who Doyeon apparently calls “Joon”— what the hell) lips fall into a thin line. “Fine. I’ll go. We’ll talk about this later, alright?” 

“I know.” 

He gives you both one last glance before the door closes on you.

You swear you tried to look for cameras everywhere – like they do in The Office – to see if the whole thing was a prank. But no. Your life’s unfortunately not a sitcom.

“I told him to lock the door earlier,” Doyeon starts, sounding defeated as she falls back on one of the emergency beds. Sighing, she covers her face with her hands. “This is so embarrassing.” 

At that, you can’t help but react immediately. 

“You’re embarrassed about the fact that you’re fucking an insanely stupid hot, intelligent man?” Your brows knit. 

Doyeon looks at you and you both stare at each other. She holds her own, like she usually does, but for the first time ever, she breaks and chuckles. The laughter turns hilarious, and you follow her into the bed. 

“God,” she utters. She licks her bottom lip and looks at you shyly. “I didn’t mean for you to find out this way.” 

“I mean… what did you mean to do instead?” 

She hesitates. “I’m not sure.”

You frown. “So, you just… you just weren’t going to tell me? Us?” You didn’t bother to hide the tone of disappointment in your words. Doyeon looks a little ashamed when you verbalized that.

“It’s not that. I just didn’t know how,” She says. You knit your brows in confusion. “You know I’ve always been… private about my dating life or whatever. I don’t tell you guys I’m dating until I’m sure the guy and I are official. I… I don’t even date a lot in the first place.” 

Well… that was true. You nod at her, giving her a reassuring smile. “Yeah, I get that.” Doyeon smiles a little. “How long?” 

There’s a pregnant pause before she says, “Uh… since Feb?” 

“Jesus.” She winces at your reaction. You stare at her with your jaw slack. “What the fuck, Doyeon? Nine months?”

“Well, technically, eight but—” you look at her dryly and Doyeon gives up on her attempt at being facetious. “Okay. I’m sorry. It just happened.” You raise your brow at her. She sighs. “Okay, so we may have hooked up last year in December. You remember the Christmas party at the Ritz?” 

Your mouth just hangs wider, looking at her incredulously. Every drop of information she lets out just grows your surprise bigger, and you have nothing in substance to say except, “You… whore.” 

Doyeon laughs so loud you worry it might have been heard from the outside, but you wince at the slap that follows on your shoulder as she giggles nonstop. 

“Shut the fuck up, oh my god.” 

“No– I just– Oh my god, was that the reason why you bailed on our own Christmas party over at Nayeon’s?” She nods at your question with her lips pursed. You scoff, still not believing it but just overall amused in general. “You’re really throwing me a curveball here, babe. Like – I have never ever heard you talking about Dr. Kim except when you said you’d totally fuck him in that one drinking session. And then, you actually fucking did.”

She rolls her eyes, scoffing. “He started asking me out on dates in January and he asked me to be his girlfriend in Feb. I don’t even know how it happened. It just did,” She shrugs, as if she just said that the skies are blue. “I’m pretty good at hiding, huh?” 

You don’t hide the way you instantly frown.

“I’m happy for you, Doyeon, I really am. But… did you not feel like you could tell me? Or any of us?”

At least she looks apologetic, nibbling on her bottom lip before she says, “It’s not that, __. I didn’t know how to tell you guys. There’s this – there’s this thing when you date a co-worker, especially in the hospital. He’s an attendant, and he’s about to be chief of surgery next two months, you know that right? And it’s just— I know you will never think it, or the rest of our friends �� but I just. I didn’t want anyone to think that I’m… that I’m sleeping my way here, you know? It’s fucking weird. And Ms. Yan from fuckass HR hates me for some reason. I’d be public enemy number one around here, __.”

You wince hearing her explanation. Nodding, you rub her shoulder to offer some kind of comfort, noticing that she’s actually silently fuming just by the mere thought of that. Meaning she must have been thinking about it for quite some time now. 

“But you know we’ll never think of it like that, right?” You confirm with her, just to be sure. You love Doyeon – she’s basically your sister at this point – and you don’t ever want her to feel like she can’t trust you.

“Of course. I don’t… I can’t really offer you any explanation other than I got scared and just wasn’t ready. Joon wants to let people know… and I don’t know. I guess I’m thinking about that too nowadays.” She says, and she’s not really looking at you anymore, seemingly deep in thought.

You begin rubbing her back. “It’s fine if you’re not ready yet.” 

“Oh, this is getting kind of mushy. I hate it.” Doyeon says dryly. You push her slightly which sends her sideways a bit, earning a laugh from her.

“Joon, huh?” You decide to tease to lighten up the mood. Instead of backing down and getting shy like you expected, Doyeon raises her brow. “Can I be honest with you, though?” You say, fiddling with your fingers. She nods so you tread lightly to your next words. “This will sound crazy, I know, but for the longest time I thought Jungkook was your secret boyfriend.”

“What the fuck?” Doyeon says, sharp and almost… disgusted. You don’t expect such a reaction. 

“Okay, you don’t need to sound so disgusted. Jungkook’s a good-looking guy and he’s very decent.” You say, sounding weirdly defensive – even to your own ears.

“No– that’s not what I meant—” Doyeon cuts herself off with a laugh. “That’s actually really funny, though.” You look at her curiously. “Somehow, I thought about you thinking that. Especially after that time at the villa when you walked in on us talking by the pool deck.” 

“I…” you try to come up with an excuse, something to deny her claim, but nothing comes, and your eyebrows knit in confusion because you actually don’t know yourself why you felt that way back then. You still remember the weird feeling that flared up in your chest upon seeing them in such an intimate position — with Jungkook’s head on Doyeon’s stomach and her caressing his head. Maybe you’re more malicious than you let on, but can she really blame you for thinking there was more to that? Besides, Jungkook’s second closest in the group is probably her. It made sense to assume they were secretly together. 

“God, don’t,” Doyeon says incredulously. “Obviously, he’s not my secret boyfriend. I don’t like him and he does not like me, at least not that way. That man only has heart eyes for you and I’m only into Namjoon, thank you very much.” 

You wince. “Sorry.”

“But were you really jealous that time, though?” Doyeon asks, intrigued. “I mean, I thought about it. You were acting weird. But I kind of just shrugged it off.”

“I was not jealous, what the hell,” you quickly say. “I was just surprised. And you’re both really close, so I don’t know.” 

Doyeon arches her brow. “You’re also both close, so going by that logic, are you two together?” You frown at her. She laughs, knowing she proved her point. “Alright, enough about that. How have you been these days?”

You stare at her before sighing.

“I’ve been wanting to say sorry.” 

“Damn straight,” she tells you immediately, like she’s been looking forward to it. “Like, you bitch– I thought you died. Not talking to me or to anybody for a week is crazy.”

“It’s not my proudest moment.” 

“Why?” 

You subtly inhale a shaky breath. “I… to be honest? I thought you guys were mad at me.” 

“What?” You can hear the incredulous tone Doyeon’s taking on. And you slowly realize that you completely just conjured a whole ass narrative in your head the whole time. 

“I know. I feel terrible about it. But I just… I couldn’t help but think that I ruined… things.” 

“Oh…” Doyeon says, and she cranes her neck down to meet your gaze as you’re tucking your head down slightly. “Why did you think that?” 

You open your mouth and close it, trying to find the right words.

“I… know I was completely being ambitious when I said I wanted to bring Mingyu along to the trip – and I realize I shouldn’t have done that. Our relationship was still so fresh, and I was already bringing him along to what was supposed to be our vacation. And the fight happened and the whole thing just went to complete shit. We didn’t even get to spend our five nights there because you guys had to book us a flight immediately and I just… I guess I just feel so bad about it. Had I not invited him… the trip would’ve been way more different. Happier, that I’m sure of.”

“__,” Doyeon calls your name firmly. “That was not any of your fault. Sure, you should’ve consulted with us – because I’m not gonna lie, you threw us in for a surprise when you said that Mingyu was coming, but that fight was not your fault. At all. They physically fought each other on their own accord, even though they knew they were already too grown to be doing that shit. Don’t feel guilty about what those men did.” 

You bite your lip. “Still. They— uhm. They apparently fought because of me. It’s stupid.” 

“Exactly. But… Mingyu kind of deserved it. Sorry.” Doyeon comments. 

You wince. “You know?” 

“Jungkook told us about it, yeah.” Doyeon says, as if hesitant to even mention his name in the conversation. 

You sigh. You’re not really surprised. “Did he… did he tell you guys… everything?” 

“He did.” Doyeon confirms. “It’s not actually new news for us, __.” 

You look confuse when you meet her gaze. “How do you mean?” 

She presses her lips into a thin line. “He’s in love with you. We’ve known for a while,” You stare at her, mouth agape. Doyeon reluctantly adds, “Since med school.”

“Oh.” You close your eyes for a moment. “Even Nayeon?” 

She nods. “Yes.” 

You’re silent for a while before you look away. Nodding, you whisper, “I see,” You sigh. “I don’t even… I’m not even surprised about that. Even my mother knows — I mean, Jungkook didn’t tell her of course, but she said she knew he had feelings for me.”

“I think… everybody knows, __.” Your eyes fall to Doyeon. She gives you a gentle smile. “Everybody who sees the way Jungkook looks at you immediately knows right away. He doesn’t have to tell someone he likes you for them to know that. Taehyung and I figured it out ourselves as well. And then Nayeon met you both and she did the same thing. Just had to fish out the confirmation from Jungkook himself.” 

“That’s…” you trail off, not really knowing what to say. “I’m really stupid for not noticing all this time, huh?”

“Hmm… maybe. Sort of. But also, not really. I guess it must’ve been just different for you. We’re just bystanders of your interactions — when Jungkook teases you like a fucker it’s easy to assume he’s flirting with you, but it must’ve been annoying as hell for you.”

You chuckle a bit. But it’s with fondness as you agree, “Yeah…”

“He sucks ass at flirting.” 

“I agree…” you trail off. “I – well, you probably know, but I told him I don’t believe him,” Doyeon hums, listening in. “I regret saying that. It really hurt him. But… who can blame me, Doyeon? I mean, am I not right for having doubts? Being confused? I mean, okay, yes, I was taken for the first four years we knew each other but I was— I was available two years ago and he didn’t— he didn't do anything. Why didn’t he do anything?” The words are coming off as a rant, you’re fully aware, but you let yourself go, anyway. “He was dating all those women and I just… how am I supposed to believe him when I thought he showed me the opposite?” 

“You mean how were you supposed to believe him when he sleeps around?”

You shut your eyes close. “I don’t– I don’t necessarily think he sleeps around, okay? Jungkook’s not a fuckboy or someone who sleeps with anyone with a pulse. He’s too grown for that shit. But I… I just meant, that… he dated a lot all throughout the time we knew each other, so where was I in the equation? You know what I mean?”

Doyeon stares at you for a bit, then she nods, looking ahead. “I know what you mean.” 

“Yeah?”

She nods. Then, “Are you worried he’s not sincere about his feelings? Because he dated a lot of people?”

“I-I’m not sure about that.” But maybe, that thought bothers you a bit.

“When was the last time he was with somebody?”

You don’t mean to sound defensive when you retort back with, “I wouldn’t know that. Contrary to popular belief, Jungkook and I do not actually talk about everything, and that includes our sex lives, but I know when he’s… seeing somebody.” 

“How?” Doyeon asks, looking at you. She wasn’t trying to trick you into anything, just genuine curiosity written all over her face.

You shy away from her gaze. “Four months ago… Nayeon’s engagement party. He was checking that woman out.”

“Oh… Kwon Jihyo?” 

Your brows furrow. “You know her?” 

Doyeon nods. “Yeah. Physio class back in freshman year. I talked to her at the party as well,” you grow more confused and Doyeon adds, “Also, she’s gay. Married with two kids.” 

“Oh.” 

That earns a chuckle from Doyeon. Tapping your arm, she tells you, “You don’t have a gay radar, it’s fine.” 

“Oh my god…” you slap a hand on your forehead. “I teased him about sleeping with her after the party…” 

You’ve always seen Jungkook as a regular ladies man in your head due to the fact that he gets women, quite very easily. Empirically, Jungkook goes on a lot of dates. But to be completely honest with yourself, you don’t even know the extent of those said dates. Jungkook doesn’t exactly oppose it when you lightheartedly tease him about being a playboy, but you do notice when that puts him off a bit.

Maybe you should’ve pried – maybe he gets put off because it’s simply not true? But you don’t think it’s not not true either, so… do you really think he sleeps around?

“Look,” Doyeon suddenly says which makes you look at her, snapping you out of your own messy thoughts. “I’m not trying to defend him or put in a good word for him or whatever. But I do know that you know him better than I do, so I’m sure you don’t actually think he isn’t sincere about his feelings for you. If you’re worried about his dating history, talk to him about that – but if we’re going by technical definition here, I don’t think Jungkook sleeps around, __. He doesn’t have a new woman switched out for another every seven business days, does he? Or is that a wrong assumption—”

“God, no,” you roll your eyes at her. “And anyway, why are we talking about this? I don’t care who he has sex with. He can do whatever he wants. He’s a grown man.”

“Yeah… but you just said it’s sort of the reason why you’re holding back.”

You feel blood rushing to your cheek because… that is true. You don’t even know why. Because you stand for what you said that he can do whatever the hell he wants. He’s young and he’s objectively attractive and he can have sex whenever he wants…

But somehow, that very thought — of Jungkook being with anybody that way, suddenly made a weird feeling flare up in your chest. You’ve never really paid it mind before, but right now that you now know what you know…

“It just kind of hurts a bit, I guess.” You say, not looking at Doyeon. “I mean, it’s irrational, really. I don’t expect him to be celibate for the eight years he’s claimed to love me, that’s just insane. I’ve also had sex with other people throughout the time and it would be unfair of me to dwell on the fact that he’s been with other people in the past when I also have but… it’s just… you know…” you trail off, and you feel like you’re gonna burst with so much embarrassment from the thoughts running through your head.

“I know… what?” Doyeon says, trying to fill in the gaps.

“I guess I just…” you swallow the lump in your throat. “I guess…. I guess I just expected him to want only me.” 

“Oh.” you look at Doyeon. “Oh wow. That’s…” 

You huff. “It’s childish, I know. It’s so stupid – I can’t think that. It’s unfair for him.”

Doyeon shakes her head. “No, I mean, I get that. I get that completely,” She scoots closer to you. “You have to know, though, that for the past eight years, Jungkook has tried many times to move on from you.” That words felt like a bucket of cold water. He’s tried…? Doyeon gives you a small smile when she notices the way your face fell. “It was really tough for him when you and Eunwoo got serious, but he couldn’t do anything about it. He tried seeing other people, in the hopes that they could make him feel what he does for you. He didn’t do that in vain – like he did it maliciously in hopes that you would get jealous or whatever. He did that – he does that – because he also genuinely wants to be with someone who can reciprocate his feelings. Min Sora was really close… but I don’t really know what happened to that. I’ve assumed since then that he must still probably love you. And he still apparently does, even to this day. I’m not saying all of this in favor of him, okay? But do you not want to give him a chance because of that? He really loves you, __. He admires you a lot. You don’t know how much he’s just in awe of you. He talks about you a lot when you’re not around, and he’d ditch just about anything to get to you with one call. Look… I don’t know what you feel, and at the end of the day, you call the shots. But I think he’s worth it, __. Because I know him as well and everybody knows he’ll treat you right. You just gotta give him the chance.”

You take in Doyeon’s words carefully.

“That’s not really the only thing I’m skeptical about,” you sigh. “Him having slept with other people is not the top of my concern, because we weren’t in any relationship. Again, I couldn’t have expected him to be celibate all this time. What I’m really worried about is the fact that he’s so— he’s so important to me, Doyeon. I’ve known him for eight years and he’s… he’s quite literally the best thing that ever happened to me—” you stop for awhile because you feel your voice breaking, just in time when the sides of your eyes sting with precedent tears. But you can’t cry right now. You’ve done that a lot in the past few days.  “And if— and if I do feel the same, and then we do this thing, what if it all goes wrong? I don’t – I can’t really bear the thought of him not present in my life. I have never considered that ever since I’ve known him. I’m so lucky with my friendships but my romantic relationships all suck. They’re shit. And I don’t want to have a shit romantic relationship with Jungkook, because that would mean I’d lose him. And I don’t want to lose him… do you— do you get me, Doyeon? I’m so scared. Because there's this part of me that wholeheartedly believes what he said, but there’s a bigger part of me that’s in denial because I can’t stop thinking about things going wrong.” 

“Hey,” Doyeon gently calls, and you don’t realize that you’ve been holding back a sob because the moment she scoots closer, arm circling your back, you bury your face in her chest and let out a quiet cry. She cradles your head, and you close your eyes at that. “What if things don’t go wrong, though? What if it works out?” 

You sniffle. “But things always go wrong for me and my boyfriends. I don’t know what I did to deserve it, but they just never end well.” 

Doyeon lets out a heavy breath. “I completely understand that. Again, you know Jungkook better than I do. Better than anybody I know, really. You would know exactly what he’s capable of – and that includes the possibility of him hurting you, or the lack of it thereof. It’s really your choice, __. Just… just talk to him, okay? He’s been wanting to, but you’re not reaching out and he said he didn’t want to suffocate you or anything like that.” 

You quickly perk up at that. “He said that?” Doyeon nods. It makes your shoulders deflate. “But… but we were in the elevator today and he…”

“He what?”

“He… uhm… well I said something stupid,” you wince, wiping the stray tears from your cheeks. “I said I miss him, but he didn’t – I don’t know. He didn’t say anything,” Nibbling on your bottom lip anxiously, you look at Doyeon reluctantly, gauging her reaction. “I think he actually hates me now.”

Doyeon is quiet for a moment before she speaks. “You just… you really have no clue how much he loves you, huh? You can kill a close relative of his and he’ll make excuses for you, I don’t doubt that even for a second,” She says and for a moment you’re a bit offended because you’re getting kind of tired of people pointing out that Jungkook being into you is obvious like how the grasses are green, but Doyeon shakes her head, face in pure disbelief. And you just know she didn’t mean it that way. She genuinely looks baffled. “You really need to talk, __. This is… it really hurts seeing you both like this."  

You tuck your head down. “I’m thinking about it.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah. I think… I’m going back to our place tonight. But I’m not sure. I’ll probably chicken out last minute.” 

Doyeon pats your arm. “Do it, okay? Just be honest with yourself and to him. You both need that.” 

You give her a small, weak smile.

You’re pretty much drained the moment you arrive at your place. Sighing heavily, you punch in the passcode and almost feel your knees buckling at the sight of the interior of your apartment. 

It feels like it’s been so long since you’ve been here, and coupled with the discussion that you had with Doyeon yesterday, everything suddenly feels overstimulating and there’s an urge at the sides of your eyes to cry. 

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you breathe in and out as you enter the threshold, noting the fact that nobody is at home. Or Jungkook isn’t present anywhere in the living room. You’re a bit grateful for that if you have to be honest to yourself – after all, the last time that you talked to him did not exactly go as well as you’d like. 

He could be in his room, though. That’s what you assume as you go straight over to the kitchen in hopes to heat up the take-out that you bought at the driveway. As you leave your phone on the counter, you notice the to-go container from Chipotle on the same surface, as well as the laptop that is left open beside it. 

So Jungkook is home. 

The question is, where could he possibly be, leaving out his stuff here in the kitchen? Might be in his bedroom to grab something real quick? 

You don’t mean to do the next thing that comes to your mind, but your feet – your stupid feet – track back from the microwave to the island, and your eyes betray you as they go look and read the words on the screen of Jungkook’s macbook. 

The tab that shows is an apartment listing website, and besides are more tabs that show some familiar real-estate names you’ve come to on the internet before when you were looking for a place. 

It makes you freeze in your spot, eyes glued to the daunting images of the apartment layout that Jungkook must’ve clicked on awhile ago, and you take note that he’s seemingly, specifically, looking for one-apartment bedrooms and studio apartments. 

Your mind goes into a sudden haywire at the sight. 

What does this mean? 

“Oh, hey,”

The embodied voice makes your head snap to its direction, and you see Jungkook standing in front of you in his sweats and shirt – his usual home clothes – with a charger in his hand. 

“Jungkook.” You say, or more like, breathe out. Your heart feels like it’s somersaulting for some reason at the sight of him. 

But Jungkook looks just as surprised as you. 

“I… I didn’t know you’re coming ho– back.” He says, and there’s a twinge in your heart that you ignore when you caught him pointedly avoiding the word home when pertaining to your place. Somehow, that felt intentional.

But you give him a smile. Probably a weak one. Probably doesn’t really look like a smile at all and more like a grimace. If Jungkook notices, he doesn’t say anything. Just goes straight to the direction of the highchairs on the island and plug in his charger for his laptop. 

Then, he turns to look at you. “Uh... you just got off from your shift?” 

“Yeah. You too?” You say, nibbling your bottom lip with your teeth. A nervous habit. 

“Nah, got off a few hours ago.” 

“Oh. Okay.” 

“Yeah.” 

You nod your head. You stand there for a while, letting the silence that’s admittedly awkward hang in the air. 

It’s weird, really. Jungkook and you usually have a lot to say to each other – but right now, there doesn’t seem to be a single thing you can say to one another. 

It breaks your heart that’s the current case. 

“Well, uhm. That’s Zillow.” You say, pointing to his laptop. The moment the words left your lips you swear you could have slapped yourself. 

How stupid to ask him about it. How incredibly stupid for that thing to be your choice of topic after weeks of no proper communication with him. 

Jungkook seems surprised at this, though, turning his head immediately to look at his own laptop. There’s a certain jerk in his movements when he moves his fingers to the trackpad that closes the entire window of the internet and shows his wallpaper instead. 

“Oh. Yeah. That was… Zillow.” 

Stupid, stupid you makes everything even more awkward when you say, “You’re looking for a place?” 

Jungkook stares at you for awhile. There’s a pregnant pause, and then he nods his head. A bit hesitant. But his voice is full when he speaks. 

“Yeah.” 

So, he’s moving out. That’s what you think as you avoid looking at his face and let your gaze fall back to his laptop. 

You give him a small smile. 

“Ah. Good luck with the search, then.”

Your heart completely breaks when you say the words.

Suddenly, the words of your supposed confession get stuck and they die in your throat. You let yourself believe that coming home tonight would fix everything; you just had to go inside, talk to Jungkook, tell him you were sorry about what you said – and the rest would just do its thing and you'll be back to okay.

But he's moving out, and every bit of hope in you shuts down.

Jungkook doesn’t say anything for a while, and you’re just about to turn on your heels to go to your room but then he utters lowly, almost like a whisper. 

“It’s not final.” 

“Hm?” You hum, not sure if you caught that. 

Rubbing the back of his neck, Jungkook looks away as he says again, “I mean, I’m just looking. I was gonna talk to you before I finalize my plans.”

“Talk to me? Why?”

“Since we’re on a joint lease and all that.” 

“Oh.” You nod to yourself, dumbfounded. It's embarrassing the way you lit up with expectation when he said it wasn't final, for it to completely die anyway when he said that. You feel like you're not wanted. “Yeah. Right.” 

“I assume you’re tired from your shift, though, so maybe we can go over it tomorrow? Or any day you like, really.” Jungkook shrugs. 

“No, tonight’s fine,” You wave your hand, walking towards his direction and seating yourself on the chair beside him. You try to focus all your attention on the screen in front of you instead of Jungkook’s overwhelming presence. You’ve always thought he was big but tonight, he feels even bigger and you’re intimidated. “Are you writing a notice to the landlord?”

“Yeah – I mean, after we talk about the move, that is.” 

“Wow.” You can’t help but let out. “You really thought about all this while I was away?” 

You regret the words just as instantly as they leave your mouth. 

Looking at Jungkook hesitantly, you watch as his face falls, mouth opening and closing, as if at a loss for words. 

You take them back before he says something. “Sorry — I didn’t mean for it to come out that way.” Sharp and edgy, clipped and… angry. Sort of accusatory. Like you’re pinning something bad on him.

“It’s fine.” Jungkook says after awhile, returning back his gaze on the laptop. 

His withdrawal makes you deflate. He seems so uninterested. Is he done with you? Just like that?

“You know what,” You utter after a pregnant pause, standing up from the chair and getting back on your feet. “I actually have a headache. I think we should go over this tomorrow.”

Jungkook looks confused but he nods, anyway. “I just… stocked up on Advil yesterday. So, if you need it… it’s just in the kit.” 

“Sure. Thanks,” You give him a small smile. “I’ll, just go, uh, shower for a bit.” You point to the bathroom across from you. 

Before you go, Jungkook calls your name.

“__.”

You turn around to look at him. “Yes?”

“Are you…” He trails off. You wish he’d look at you like he usually does. “Are you back for good?”

You don’t expect that question at all. But you collect yourself on time to respond. “Yeah. I guess I am.”

Jungkook’s expression is something unreadable, so you throw him an awkward smile. You’re not sure if he returned it, because everything is becoming too much, and you can’t help but overthink every single thing he does. So, before you can dwell on that, you go straight to the bathroom to do your business. 

You shower quickly – you can’t focus when you know that Jungkook is just outside, and he can probably hear the water running. You’ve never really paid thoughts to these stuff except the first few weeks of moving in with him, but right now, there’s a certain awkward tension in the air and it’s slowly suffocating you. You needed to get out of the shower box quick.

And so you did, but you don’t expect the series of knocks on the door, with Jungkook’s voice behind it. 

“__?” 

“Y-yeah?” You stammer, wrapping your towel around you (that Jungkook thankfully hasn’t thrown out yet) with haste and getting to the door immediately to answer him. 

When you open it, Jungkook visibly freezes for a bit. And you realize you’re in nothing but a piece of cotton; bare underneath, droplets of water running through your body from the tips of your uncovered, wet hair. 

You consciously tighten the towel around your body, making sure to act unbothered when you say, “What?” 

Jungkook seems to snap out of the moment just as you did. When you follow the hand that he lifts, you see your phone in it. Weirdly enough, you had time to notice the way the device fits so small in his hand when you can barely wrap your phone around your fingers yourself.

What the actual fuck are you talking about, you tell yourself at the back of your head. What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck—

“You left this on the counter. Mingyu’s been calling you.” 

It’s like you’ve been suddenly hit by a truck upon hearing the name.

“Oh. Okay. Sorry about that.” You take your phone when he offers it to you. You don’t know why but you avoid Jungkook’s eyes as you step out of the bathroom and press the decline button, causing the ringtone to stop abruptly. 

You don’t look back at him as you enter your bedroom, locking the door and throwing your phone on the mattress and going straight to your closet.

Nothing much has changed since the last seven or so days. What would change, anyway? It’s not like Jungkook has some sort of business in here. 

When you finished dressing yourself up with your usual pajamas, a worn-out tee and a pair of short shorts, you go over right to your bed, picking up your phone. 

The notification bar says that you have six missed calls from Mingyu and two texts. An upgrade from his three to four times in the previous days. 

See, it’s not only Jungkook or Doyeon or Nayeon or Taehyung whom you’ve been avoiding. It’s also Mingyu. The last time that you two talked was when you said goodbye to each other when he was catching his flight from the resort. You’ve completely shut everybody out after that thing happened, and again, it’s not your proudest moment. You’re only non-confrontational to a certain degree, but you usually handle your problems like a grown woman. 

You just really don’t know how to handle this one. 

But Mingyu’s been calling, and you haven’t answered or replied to any of his messages ever since. 

It’s just… everytime you think about him… it hurts.

It hurts to think of somebody you’ve given your trust to, only for them to step on it without any remorse. It hurts that you once thought he was going to be the one, only for him to end up as someone you’re starting to… hate. It hurts extremely that just eight days ago, you held this high level of adoration for him, but now you don’t feel anything at all but simmering anger. 

Sighing, you click on his message instead of sliding it out, gearing yourself for what you’re about to read.

gyu😽 [10:15pm]: Dinner at my place tonight? gyu😽 [10:32pm]: Can you pick up my calls?

You scrolled through the other ones he sent in the past week, and you find out that they’re simply just a variation of “do you want to have dinner together tonight”, “why aren’t you picking up?” and shockingly… a couple texts of “i miss you”. 

You’ve only been bullshitting when you told Jungkook that you had a headache, but right now that excuse might be true because you can feel a tick in your head, a certain bang on the front, and you just want all of this to end. 

Letting out a controlled breath, you swallow the lump in your throat as you type a reply. Finally.

You [10:50pm]: Can we talk tomorrow? 

To your surprise, Mingyu responds quickly.

gyu😽 [10:51pm]: of course. dinner?

You [10:52pm]: yeah. i get off at around 8 tomorrow.

gyu😽 [10:52pm]: I have some paperworks to attend to but 8 is fine by me.  gyu😽 [10:53pm]: Can we go to a restaurant? gyu😽 [10:53pm]: I haven’t cleaned my place so I thought we could go outside

You [10:54pm]: It’s alright. Also, no need to pick me up. I’ll uber. 

gyu😽 [10:55pm]: You sure?

You [10:56pm]: Yeah.

gyu😽 [10:56pm]: Alright then.

You don’t get a lot of sleep that night.

“Hey, sorry I’m a bit late. The partners had a meeting over at the firm,” Mingyu says, loosening his tie a little, breathing a bit sharp as he takes the seat across from you. 

You nod, giving him a small smile. Taking a sip from your water, you watch as Mingyu fixes his tie again, some sort of attempt to look kempt, like he hasn’t just run here. He was in a rush, and you feel bad that he had to go over here quickly when the partners meeting was probably something important. He could’ve canceled and you wouldn’t have mind. 

“So. Hi,” Mingyu greets you as if he’s making up for his rash entrance earlier. He gives you a smile, the one that’s his usual charming smile – you remember fawning over it the first time you met him. “How have you been?”

“Fine. I’ve been doing well.” you answer. In your lap, your fingers fiddle with each other.

You’ve thought about how you are going to go over this, but obviously the scenarios that played in your head yesterday and before you went here were so much more different than now. You weren’t an anxious mess in your imagination.

Mingyu nods. “That’s good to hear. Been doing fine as well.” He says casually. 

That makes something flare up in your chest.

Fine? He’s been doing fine? 

Before you can say something, a waiter comes up to your table to give you the menu, and that effectively keeps you from saying the words you were probably going to regret as soon as they come out of your mouth. 

You both tell your respective orders to the waiter before he walks away, leaving you two nodding and smiling ahead. When he’s gone, you’re left alone with Mingyu again. 

You look at him — and his usual suits and tie ensemble would usually make you gush internally about how good he looks, how you can still see the way he’s built under the pristine fabric of his clothes, and how attractive he is the way he carries himself. 

“I’m glad you called me tonight, sweetheart.”

And you don’t expect the way the hairs on your body tingle with… ick. 

“Sure.” You say, drinking from your glass of water again.

Just get over it, your mind convinces you. But how are you going to approach it?

Moments pass and then suddenly, Mingyu lets out a heavy breath. You peer up at him, raising a brow. 

“Alright, I’m not gonna skirt around this anymore, __,” He says, and his eyebrows are knitted in what seems like confusion when he meets your gaze. “What’s going on with you? You’ve been avoiding me.”

The confrontation somehow eases you even though it shouldn’t.

Licking your bottom lip – an anxious habit that you try hard to forgo – you compose yourself before you say, “I have. Yes, you’re right.”

“Why?” Mingyu asks with genuine curiosity. 

Somehow, this bothers you. Does he really not know or he’s just pretending not to know? Whichever it is, it does not really make you feel any better about him. If he’s pretending not to know, then he’s an even bigger asshole than you’re letting him on, but if he does not know, then that’s just even worse. Imagine doing all of those things and not being aware that you did something wrong enough to upset people? 

“I have to be completely honest with you, Mingyu. I want to break up.” 

The words come out easily as opposed to what you expected. 

Somehow, it’s strange, really. You’ve never dumped anybody before. Of course, you don’t count those casual dates you’ve had in the past two years because they were never that serious. But usually, in your long relationships, the other guy does the dumping and never you. 

So, right now, as you sit across from Mingyu, finally declaring what you’ve been thinking over the past week, you feel a sense of liberation. A cliché, really. There’s a feeling of discomfort gnawing at some parts of you, but you choose to ignore it, bravely meeting his gaze instead. 

“What?”

“I want to break up with you.” You reiterate, this time fuller so he knows your decision is final.

His mouth opens and closes, and there’s a pregnant pause that hangs in the air before he finds his tongue. “But why?” 

“Are you serious?” You can’t help but snap. “Do you really not know?” 

“No. Fill me in, because I’m confused.” Mingyu doubles down, and it fires you up a little bit. 

“Mingyu, Jungkook told me everything,” You say, and you notice the way his expression changes into something more… unreadable the moment you dropped Jungkook’s name. “And I mean everything. What you did with his girlfriend back in college, and what you said about me to goad him into a fight. I mean, what were you thinking, Mingyu? All of that was just… low. Even for you. I can’t believe you’d do any of that.” You catch your breath after you say the words, not realizing how heavy it would feel to let them out. You’ve never been confrontational, would prefer if the other person did all the talking, and to do this right now is taking so much from you.

“He told you everything?” Mingyu asks again. You watch as he relaxes his posture, and you grow confused when his lips curl into a smirk. “I knew he would do that. Come crying to you with his lovesick head. Did he finally grow some to tell you he loves you, then?” 

You recoil, not expecting that. “That’s none of your business.”

“It is my business. You’re my girlfriend.”

“I’m not anymore.”

Mingyu inhales a sharp breath. “So, you’re choosing him?” 

“I—I— what?” you blurt out, surprised at his audacity. “I’m not choosing anybody. And it’s really bold of you to assume that you’re still one of my options after all that.” 

Scoffing, Mingyu drinks from his water. He looks at you with a blank stare as he says, “Well, be honest with me now. Do you love him?” 

“Do I love him?” You chuckle, not the least bit of humor in it. “You don’t really deserve my honesty, Mingyu. You had all of those four months to be honest with me and you didn’t do shit. Don’t ask me any personal questions and expect me to give you an honest answer. Because I won’t give you any of it.” 

“You said a lot of things but I know you love him just as much as he loves you.”

“What are you talking about?”

This time, Mingyu’s tone borders on sharp when he leans down to get to you closer so you can hear him clearly. “You think it was easy for me to be in a relationship with you when all you could talk and think about was Jungkook? Jungkook who was only supposedly your bestfriend?” It’s said with so much wrath that you can’t help but physically recoil at his words. When you don’t say anything, Mingyu continues, “Jungkook told me this movie’s good, Jungkook said their aglio e olio tastes great, Jungkook and I were just talking about this — I could go on how many times you’ve always managed to insert him in anything even when we’re together, but I did not want to be that kind of boyfriend who got jealous over their girl’s friends, and I was that for you – and you think I’m the bad guy here?”

You blink, mouth opening and closing. You fish for some words, something to defend yourself with. Have you really said all that? Did you really do that? Did you really talk about Jungkook enough times that Mingyu took notice of it? 

You’ve always thought that your friendship with Jungkook is platonic. You’ve convinced yourself of that and Jungkook seemed to think the same — at least that’s what you thought prior to his confession – and you like to think that your friendship works, even though the majority of people don’t agree that opposite genders can be purely friends.

But… did you think wrong? Did you really just convince yourself it was platonic when all along… it was not? 

You don’t exactly recall the moments that you talked about him while you were with Mingyu. It’s hard to when talking about Jungkook just comes like second nature. You don’t count the times you see the grass being green – because they are and will always be green. 

And that’s what Jungkook is to you. He’s been such a constant presence in your life that you can’t help but bring him up in any case because… because it just feels right to do so.

Now you think about your relationship with Eunwoo. How he never really liked Jungkook. Did he think the same as Mingyu? Did you also talk about your best friend too much in his presence? Did he count the times you mentioned Jungkook’s name in your conversations? Do you really talk so much about him?

“See?” Mingyu says after a while and it snaps you out of your stupor. “Don’t tell me I’m a liar when you’ve also been lying to me this whole time.” 

“How dare you?” You snap at him. You can take him pointing out about the thing with Jungkook, but never this. “I didn’t hide anything from you. I was not the one with the history of cheating with their friend’s girlfriend and I didn’t talk behind your back like you’re merely just a piece of meat.” 

Mingyu visibly stills and you bite your lip after saying the words. You didn’t mean for it to come out that way. Didn’t really mean to say that in the first place. But it’s done and you can’t cry over spilled milk. 

Doesn’t negate the fact that you feel like shit, though.

“You think I didn’t regret what I did?” Mingyu says, a little quiet this time. If you weren’t at the quieter part of the restaurant, in a booth where the sound of the classical music and people’s chatters are muffled, you won’t hear him at all. “Jungkook and I were close, __. We really were. And I fucked up and ruined his trust. But you also don’t know how and why that happened. Jiyeon was already cheating on him before she hit on me–” 

“Oh, so is that the part where you volunteered to be one of her “victims”, too?” You say sarcastically, cutting him off, incredulous about the fact that he’s really trying to make excuses for himself right now. 

“We were fucking drunk– and high, okay? We didn’t know what we were doing.” Mingyu says through his teeth, and it’s the first time you see him lose control. He’s always so kempt and so composed, it’s baffling you’re seeing him in this state.

But you refuse to believe his bullshit. 

“You know what, I don't know why you’re saying this to me. You should be saying this to Jungkook and frankly, I simply don’t care. What happened back then is between you – don’t include me into any of your arguments ever again,” You say exasperatedly. “My issue is that – and why I’m breaking up with you in the first place – is that you lied to me, Mingyu. You lied to me about so much. And If I were to go through this relationship with you longer, I don't know what else you’re going to lie to me about, and I don’t want that. Let’s not waste each other’s time and end it right here, right now.” 

Mingyu leans back on his seat. “I can’t change your mind even if I apologize to you about that, huh?”

You shake your head.

He nods. 

“Alright.” 

You look at him again.

Kim Mingyu has sharp features that usually make him look broody from an outsider perspective, but you’ve seen the way he smiles and how gentle he looks when he does. Right now, though, he looks… genuinely sad. 

He lied to you, yes, but somehow, there’s still some part of you that wants to know if he felt the least bit genuine about you. That it wasn’t all just a ploy to get to Jungkook. 

“Did you really like me? Even for a moment?” You break the silence, voice breaking slightly at the end. 

Mingyu looks up at you and you don’t expect the way his lips curl up into a small smile. “Yes, __. I did. I liked you the first time we met and believe it or not, I still have feelings for you right now.”

You look away to avoid his intense gaze. 

It’s weird. It’s so weird. Because even though you know in your heart that he’s not and will never be good for you and that he’s not a loss, your heart still aches at the declaration. 

“I don’t really know if I believe that.” You say, almost like a whisper. 

“I’m sorry, then.” Mingyu says, and it sounds so sincere that you start to feel some sort of stinging in both sides of your eyes.

In what seemed like forever, the waiter arrives with your orders, and you both look up and offer him a hand in placing them on your table, bidding him thanks as he once again walks away. 

You and Mingyu both look at your food. 

“I think I’m going first. I have a trial tomorrow, so I need to take care of that.” He says suddenly. 

Nibbling your bottom lip, you watch as he begins to fix his shirt, ready to stand up. 

“Okay.” 

“__?” You look up at him when he calls your name. He seems to hesitate for a bit, but he says, “Can you… can you tell Jungkook I’m sorry?” 

Staring at his face, you try to look for a hint of sarcasm. Or anything indicative of malice. But all you see is sincerity. 

At that, you shake your head. “No.” Mingyu’s face falls. “Talk to him yourself if you really are sorry. I’m not your mailman, Mingyu.” 

He sighs. “Alright. I guess you’re right,” And then, “And I’m saying sorry, to you too, you didn’t deserve that. I was angry, and that’s not an excuse. So, I’m sorry. Will you…” he clears his throat. “Will you ever forgive me?”

You shrug. “I don’t know. Probably.” 

Mingyu gives you a timid smile. “Okay.” 

When he takes out his wallet and a black card from there, you instantly stop him from calling over the waiter. 

“No, it’s fine, I’ll take care of it. I’m the one who invited you here.” You say, talking him out of paying. 

He shakes his head, insisting, “It’s okay.”

“Seriously, I can handle it.” 

Mingyu lets out a chuckle which makes you smile a bit before you scold yourself. 

“I know. But can you let me? This is… this is probably the last time we’ll see each other.” 

At that, you relax back in your seat, staring at him. He stares right back at you. 

With a slow nod, you let him call over the waiter.

He departs with a small goodbye that you return with a timid wave. 

When you go home that night, you cried yourself to sleep, thankful that Jungkook hasn’t come home from his shift yet.

Things are… fine. 

Unlike your previous break-ups that left you in agony for the following days after it happened, the one with Mingyu did not really leave a huge emotional impact. It makes you wonder if you’ve overestimated your feelings for him… makes you question yourself if you really thought he was the one when things were fine, and you both dated happily. 

You don’t bother yourself looking for answers, because the relationship is done and there’s no point in going over the details when it’s you yourself who ended the ties. 

While that is not the sole reason of your melancholic feeling these days, it lies on another person; your roommate, Jungkook – your best friend of eight years who’s apparently been in love with you the whole time. 

It’s only been a few weeks ever since you talked about him moving out. He said it was about time for him to leave the place – he’s been here longer than you, after all. He wrote and sent the notice to his landlord, and it’s been about two weeks since then, so you assume he’s already got his approval. 

While things may look normal and right from an outsider’s perspective… things aren’t exactly the way they were before.

Jungkook and you are close. You share almost everything together. Your friendship has been honed throughout the many years and obstacles you’ve faced together and so it’s only natural for you two to be as close.

But nowadays… you can feel that closeness slipping away. It flares up something inside you; like that feeling of grief when you remember that friend in highschool who you stopped talking to after graduation. You don’t know exactly what the reason is for the abrupt end of communication, but the finish line is there and you’ve both reached it without the other knowing – and you’re left fending for yourselves, looking ahead at your own worlds and letting your lives flow to the stream of the river. 

It’s strange, really; how everything feels somewhat normal but also really under that condition. 

Jungkook and you would text each other nonstop – he could be in his own room, and he’d still text you about random shit that ends up with him going to your room anyway just to annoy you for a bit before you kick him out and you both go to sleep. He’d ask to borrow something – anything, ask your food preference for the night, and he’d always ask you when your shift ends so you can go together if your schedules align. Meanwhile, you ask him to join you in the living room for spontaneous movie nights, ask him to give you a massage, and you’d both talk about your days, catching up on the hours you weren’t together.

And now there’s none of that. 

Now, you both greet each other when the other one gets home almost like a chore. Like how your roommate from college used to welcome you when you arrived at the dorm from classes. When either you or he is in the living room or something, you’d both tell each other that “Dinner’s in the fridge, you can microwave it”, instead of “What do you think we should have for dinner?”. Jungkook asks if you need a ride to the hospital because he knows you don’t have a car anymore, but you refuse because it’s obvious it’s just for formality. 

You don’t know if it’s just the overthinker in you, but it feels like Jungkook’s pulling back and he has no intention of making things right – or talk about what happened. 

He’s so… he’s so civil.

And you miss him so much it makes you sad.

It makes you confused. Sort of mad. He makes you feel a lot of things – but you hate that you’ve just been compartmentalizing and not doing any processing at all. 

You spent the past few weeks pointing out to yourself the differences that your relationship is going through. You spend some nights beating yourself up whether to go barge in his room and confront him with everything – but you do none of that. 

Instead, you pretend everything’s okay. At the hospital, you’ve no longer avoided him and said hi which he returns with a smile. Nayeon, Taehyung, and Doyeon, thought at first that everything’s back to normal, but you know they’re slowly realizing that it has not. 

Tonight, though, at Nayeon’s reception party after her wedding, you try hard to ignore all those angsts and choose to enjoy yourself instead. It’s Nayeon’s big day. The last thing you wanted to be was a bum.

Everybody is socializing with each other, and since you’ve had your fair share of conversations with other people at this point, you choose to sit out on the dance.

Suddenly, Billy Joel’s Uptown Girl is playing and the majority coos and exclaims in excitement as they hurry to the dancefloor, some taking their partners along with them.

“Look, they’re playing your favorite song.” 

Your head snaps to the side in reflex to see who it was, only to see Jungkook. Words get caught in your tongue for a moment, a bit surprised to see him. You mean – sure, he’s been here for a while. It is Nayeon’s wedding, after all, but weirdly enough, you two haven’t shared a conversation yet throughout the day. 

Until now, anyway.

Recovering from your initial surprise, you scoot over to the side, giving him space to maybe… sit beside you? 

“That’s not my favorite song.” You scoff, sipping on your champagne right after, looking right ahead as you feel Jungkook situating himself on the chair beside you.

“Oh… has it changed now?” Jungkook says, and there’s a lilt of teasing tone to it that you look at him in wonder. 

Meeting his gaze, you find he’s just smiling at you. He’s in an off-white tux, a lily pinned on his chest pocket. He’s done his hair in that usual way he cleans up for formal events like this, gelled and parted slightly off center to show off his forehead. It’s slightly longer than you’ve last noticed it looked, and you think he hasn’t been trimming it… 

Nonetheless, he looks simply put… dashing. 

“I change my favorite song every five to seven business days,” you say coolly. “Anyway, why aren’t you there?” you point to where the flock of people is having a ball to Billy Joel.

Truthfully, you kind of wish you were there as well. You’ve always danced to that song in your room or in the shower.

“I’m right where I want to be,” Jungkook shrugs. “Why aren’t you there?” 

You lie, “I’m right where I want to be as well.” 

He hums. “You don’t want to show them your moves?” 

You look at him in disbelief, gawking at him. “Are you teasing me?” 

Jungkook widens his eyes, but you know he knows what you’re talking about, and it sounds like he’s trying to keep from laughing when he says, “No. I just happen to know you’re a great dancer.” 

With that, you feel yourself getting carried away by how easily your conversation goes. It makes you think about the old times – where talking to him always made your day because he's funny and he makes you laugh and you make him laugh.

“Fuck off. You know very well I have two left feet.” You chuckle, shaking your head at him.

“Wasn’t the case when you were dancing inside a boiler room during med school at that rave party we went to, but okay.”  

You can’t help but laugh louder, and with that, you jab a lighthearted slap to his bicep without thinking too much of it. 

“I told you that never happened.” 

“Oh…” Jungkook puts down his champagne and cocks his head to the side. “What happened?” 

You giggle. Yes, giggle. Like a schoolgirl. And you watch as Jungkook joins in your laughter, taking the glass close to his face to sip from it. 

Then: “You wanna dance?” Jungkook suddenly says, but he’s looking at the dancefloor. 

“Hm. Dunno. Uptown Girl isn’t exactly rave music.” 

That earns you a chuckle from Jungkook. “But it’s fun music, right?” 

Soon after, he stands up from his seat. You look at him questioningly, but he mirrors it back with an expectant gaze and a raised brow. Seeing you getting apprehensive, he offers his hand and that’s when you roll your eyes, taking his hand as you pretend to stand up against your will and follow him to the crowd.

You chuckle as Jungkook suddenly sways his hips to the upbeat of the song, moving his arms around playfully. You’d like to think he’s doing that intentionally – to make you laugh? Loosen up? Whatever the idea behind it, it’s effective, because you can’t stop laughing as you watch him. 

“Come on, we do this all the time!” Jungkook says over the loud music and people’s candid chattering.

And he’s not wrong because you do have mini parties in the living room of your apartment, pretending like the city before the glass wall across the area is your audience. 

But you two are usually drunk during those moments, and right now, with only one glass of champagne, you’re not near being tipsy. 

“This is so silly!” You exclaim, but you find yourself matching Jungkook’s spontaneous choreography, and it earns you a laugh from him as well. 

“And when she’s walking, she’s looking so fi-i-ne,” Jungkook sings along, gesturing to you. You cover your face because you can’t stop laughing at how he looks – how you two must look – but you’re almost sure nobody’s paying attention because everybody is just having fun on their own. He has a good voice, though – even though he’s trying to act goofy with it. Jungkook doesn’t like when people point it out, or more like, gets shy when you bring it up. 

Suddenly, he steps closer to you and reaches for your hand. Looking at him with confusion, still with that wide grin on your face, he gives you a playful smile before he guides your arm upwards. You utter a sound of a delighted snort, understanding where he’s getting at. With Jungkook guiding you, you do a mildly successful turn that makes you both laugh because as you were just getting back in your original position, you almost trip. Good thing that Jungkook’s there to catch you by the waist, the contact only lasting for a brief second before he lets go to dance on his own again. 

“I wish I was an uptown girl!” You yell over the music.

“You’re kinda an uptown girl if you think about it.” Jungkook responds, nodding his head as if he believes that. 

You chuckle, shaking your head at him. “No.” 

“Yes, you are. You’re sophisticated and elegant.”

“Well, this—” you point between your bodies, “– is not very sophisticated and elegant of me.” 

“Touché.” Jungkook laughs.

“But will you be my downtown man?” You say, not really thinking too much about it but then you suddenly realize what you just said and you’re about to add something to it – like putting a disclaimer that it was just a joke. 

But then Jungkook leans closer, ducks down to level with your ear. “I can be if you want me to.” 

The song ends and you barely had time to process what just happened before the soft piano progression of Carole King’s Will You Love Me Tomorrow begins to play. 

You hear the collective “Aww”s from the audience and you watch as everybody suddenly pairs up with someone else. As the first lyric of the song is sung, you can feel the upbeat energy from earlier dropping to a calmer atmosphere. Romantic, you’d say it is.

When you look at Jungkook again, he has a small smile on his face. It’s as gentle as the piano behind the song. 

“Can I?” He says. 

You nibble on your bottom lip. “You want to?”

Jungkook only nods, still smiling.

“Only if you want to as well.” 

You look around again. It’s not hard to spot Taehyung from afar on the dancefloor as well, with a gorgeous Hyerin in his arms. He doesn’t seem to notice you looking, though, but you watch the way he ducks down to whisper something in her ear, prompting a laugh from her. 

Putting your gaze back to Jungkook, you blink as you say, “It’s… okay, I guess.” 

“Okay?” Jungkook clarifies. You nod your head and he smiles that dashing smile again before he steps closer to you.

Slowly, he puts a hand around your waist. And you know he did it awhile ago, but the contact ended so briefly that you didn’t really have the chance to… somehow… savor it, maybe? But right now, as you fumble with your own hand, deciding whether or not you should put a hand on his waist as well, the proximity makes your breath hitch. 

Your heart beats abnormally fast against your ribcage, and usually, it’s not hard to stare Jungkook in the face – but you find it a difficult task to do nowadays. 

Jungkook, unsuspecting of your inner dilemma, only seems to notice your confusion with your hand placement, chuckling as he guides your wrist to his shoulder. He raises his other arm with yours and interlocks your fingers with his mid-air.

“There,” Jungkook says once you’re in the right position. “Now we look like professional dancers.” 

You wince. “What’s the next step?” 

“You’re taking this very seriously,” Jungkook snorts as he begins to move his feet. 

You try to match his pace, and that distracts you from the fact that you're so close you can smell his cologne very well. 

“Where did you learn this?” You ask instead, quite amazed at how Jungkook is approaching this. It’s not like you’ve never slow danced in your life – but you weren’t kidding when you said you have two left feet. 

“Wikihow.” 

“Wow.” 

“They can be super reliable at times,” Jungkook chuckles as he continues to swing you both gently. “Stop looking down.” 

You groan. “Ugh, no. I’m trying very hard not to not step on you.”

“So what if you step on me? Just relax.” 

Jutting your bottom lip out, you look up at him. “My heels are Louboutin.” 

“Even better.” 

“Stop.” You break away from his hold with your other hand to jab at his chest lightly. Jungkook lets out an “Owe!” but you know it didn’t actually hurt when he just grins down at you, placing his hand on your waist instead so now he’s just… simply holding you.

You ignore the weird feeling in your chest at the action, choosing to keep your hand on his chest. 

“You wanna know something?” You whisper. Jungkook hums. “I didn’t go to prom in highschool.” 

“What? Why?” Jungkook genuinely seems surprised to hear that.

You smile sadly, looking back at the memory bitterly. “Changsub and I were fighting around that time because I saw him at the mall with some girl the previous week. I was so angry that I didn’t care about what I’d be missing out on. My mom tried really hard to get me to attend, but I was very stubborn. Now I still regret not going to prom. My dress was really pretty back then too but I didn't even get to wear it.” 

“Damn,” Jungkook utters. “He really was such a dick to you, huh?” 

“Yeah. But it was still on me, though… I can’t believe I let a boy make me miss out on prom night.” You pout.

Jungkook’s quiet for a while before he abruptly stops his swaying. You look at him in confusion as he lets go of your waist. 

“Well, I don’t have a corsage… but this can maybe do?” He fumbles with his chest first before he takes out the silk lavender handkerchief from his suit’s pocket that matches his tie and the lily on his chest. He looks at you for a while before he takes your wrist in his hand. Your brows knit together as he ties the fabric around your wrist, making sure to finish it up with a ribbon – an attempt at a ribbon, that is. 

You chuckle. “What’s this?” 

Jungkook grins. “You wanna know something too? I didn’t have a date on prom night – was too scared to ask anybody out. I went home after the first hour. Wasn’t really a fond memory. So, prom night definitely sucked for me… what I’m saying is that, it’s not really all that.” 

You duck your head down to laugh, partly to hide the flutter in your heart at his words.

“So, like, is this our – what – our upgraded prom night?” 

Jungkook nods proudly. He takes both your hands as you laugh, wrapping them around his neck, taking you by the waist again. 

This time, you don’t feel like your breath is being taken away.

You feel… serene. The beating of your heart is back to normal. You realize, there’s a sense of comfort that comes from being close to him like this – talking and laughing like good old times. 

You miss him. You miss him so much and you can’t believe you ever considered accepting a life without him in it. 

“The dress looks good on you, by the way,” Jungkook comments, and it sounds so sincere that you can’t help but smile. As if that wasn’t enough to melt your heart, he adds, “And you look really beautiful.” 

“T-thanks,” you stammer, taken aback at the almost intimate way he looks right into your eyes as he said that. You tighten your hold around his neck. “You don’t look so bad yourself.” 

“Thank you.” 

You both chuckle, though there was nothing really funny said in particular.

Carole King’s gentle voice soothes you as Jungkook takes the lead of the dance. You’re not even doing anything other than just going with the flow, letting him take you wherever. There’s a moment when you were sure you stepped on his shoe, but Jungkook’s quick to dismiss you with a hush and saying it was nothing. 

Tonight with words unspoken,

You say that I’m the only one

But will my heart be broken,

When the night meets the morning sun

You scoff as you finally hear the lyrics.

That may have taken a hit on you. 

“This is so stupid.” You say.

Jungkook’s quick to react.

“Rude. I’m literally giving you a prom night from scratch.”

You look at him and you feel bad because he genuinely seems offended at your supposedly throw-away comment.

Shaking your head, you tap his chest lightly. “No, no. I mean– the lyrics. The song.”

Jungkook arches a brow. “I have a video of you crying over this song in your car when it came up on your playlist.” 

“I didn’t cry over this song.” You roll your eyes. 

“Not as much as you did over Silver Springs, anyway.” 

“Oh my god, why do you know so much, Jesus,” you hiss, embarrassed at being confronted by your dramatic antics. “I just meant, why are they playing such a sad song at a wedding? Who approved this?” 

“Eh,” Jungkook shrugs. “Maybe Nayeon’s a Carole King fan.” 

“Is she?” you ask, genuinely curious. If she is, she never told anybody.

“Maybe…?” 

You can’t help but laugh because of how the conversation progressed. Jungkook laughs as well, and he takes the jab you send to his chest with a light hand. They’re really hard, you think, and you don’t know what comes over you as you lean your head down and let your body fall towards him, laying your cheek on the lapel of his suit. It’s warm.

You feel Jungkook stilling in his position at your sudden action, but soon enough, he does nothing to pry you off like you feared for a moment he would, tightening his arms around your waist and swinging you both in that kind of laxed way. 

Shutting your eyes close, you let the soft melody of the song ease your nerves, basking in Jungkook’s presence and his familiar scent. 

You stay like that for a while, and just when the song is coming to an end, you feel Jungkook’s breathe in your ears, his lips almost brushing to the tips of your ears when he says, “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything back then, but I really miss you too.” 

You drank more champagne than you anticipated and it’s why you wobble your way into the bathroom to do some half-ass retouch. Just as when you were putting away your make-up, Nayeon comes out from one of the cubicles. 

“Hey, you gorgeous, gorgeous girl,” She says with a huge smile, now changed into a much simpler dress, in contrast to her voluminous one earlier.

You mirror her grin, opening your arms wide to engulf her in a hug. “Hi to you too. Congrats again on the wedding. I’m so incredibly happy for you. You and Minhyuk are perfect.” 

When Nayeon breaks apart from your hug, she looks at you closely. “I saw you with Jungkook earlier. Lots of people saw you two earlier.” 

“What?” 

“I mean… slow dancing to Will You Love Me Tomorrow in a weirdly intimate way was kind of insane, if you ask me.” 

“Oh, uhm…” you feel blood rushing to your cheeks as you grow embarrassed at the thought of people catching you in that position. You remember after the song ended, you made up some excuse about going to the bathroom to pee and you did – but you pointedly tried to stay out of Jungkook’s sight ever since.

One step forward, three steps back.

“How are you two by the way?” 

“We’re fine.” You say, giving her a reassuring smile. 

Nayeon stares at you for a moment. Then, she sighs. “You’re not, are you?”

“No, we really are. We’re– we’re talking, right?” You point out.

“But… he’s moving out of your place.”

“Well, he needs a change of scenery. He’s been there for four years so he must be tired living there.” 

Nayeon stares at you again and when you look at her face, your heart twinges as you see the disappointment written all over her features. 

“I don’t understand you both, really. You have this… this beautiful thing going on and you’re choosing to ignore that? It’s obvious that you feel something for him, __. Just be honest with him and see where it goes. I know you two are pretending that everything’s fine but you’re both hurting each other and you’re acting like it’s nothing – it’s all just unnecessary angst at this point. What are you two doing?” Nayeon asks. 

“I…”

“Come on, __. Do you really want to let each other go? Do you really want to drift apart? Because it’s been almost a month of pussyfooting. And I don’t know if you’re just expecting that your luck is not gonna run out, but it is going to. And I know you’re going to regret it.” 

You stare at Nayeon while listening to her words. You don’t expect the sharp edges to her voice. You’ve always thought that if someone was going to call you out on your bullshit – it was going to be Doyeon. She’s the bluntest in the group and would not hesitate to tell someone if they’re being a bitch or not – so you don’t expect Nayeon to be like this at all because she’s always been a soft-spoken sweetheart.

It's not like Doyeon hasn’t been harsh, either, though. You had a drink with her and Taehyung a month ago and let’s just say she kind of ranted about you feeling like you’re in a romcom or something. 

She shuts her eyes close, and you can just feel her frustration emanating. “I’m sorry – I know I’m being harsh right now. But I just can’t bear seeing you two like this. I just got married today and I feel like I’m learning and realizing so much right now and one of those is that I’m extremely lucky to have found someone I’m so sure of, and while Minhyuk was saying his vows I looked back at my past relationships and just thought that… that I’m so glad I was finally at that point and… and right now I can’t stop thinking about you two,” Nayeon sighs. “You two love each other so much. Everybody can see it. Why are you both running away from each other? What gives?” 

You look away.

You both do love each other. They are right.

And while you can’t exactly say if what you feel for Jungkook right now bounds in being in love – there’s quite literally only one thing in the world that you’re certain of, and it’s that he’s the most important person to you – the only one you can think of spending a lifetime with and not get sick of it.

And that was something.

But…

“Because it’s scary.” You say, finally.

“What’s scary?”

You inhale a sharo breath.

“For eight years I’ve always thought that we were only platonic. But somewhere in my head I always thought that he was my soulmate, you know? I thought about us ending up together and I remember liking that thought. But years went by, and nothing ever happened and I swear I was happy with Eunwoo but you know what I’m ashamed of all this time that I never told anybody?” Your vision of Nayeon gets blurry as you begin tearing up. “I think… I have been in denial for so long. I think… I think I secretly looked for a part of Jungkook in Eunwoo and I think Eunwoo knew that. I think everybody who I’ve ever been with knew that except for myself. Because I was in denial. Even right now, I’m still in denial. You don’t know how – you don’t know how strange it is to suddenly wake up and realize that you don’t see your friend as a mere friend anymore. You don’t know how hard it is to overthink things – like what if it doesn’t work out and everything falls apart? Our friendship is so important to me, I hold it in the highest regard, and I don’t want anything to ever go against it. But now I’m doing that myself and I just… I hate it. But I don’t know what to do. Jungkook’s moving out just like it seems like he’s moving on and I’m scared that I’m too late to do anything.” 

Your speech leaves Nayeon’s mouth agape, clearly not expecting your outburst. But she recovers quickly. She steps closer in front of you, and in a second, engulfs you in a hug. 

“I’m sorry,” you sniff, making sure to not let your tears fall down her dress. “I think I’ve been keeping that for a long time.”

“It’s okay… I’m glad you said that.” 

“Yeah… I think I’m glad too,” you both chuckle. 

“__?”

You hum.

“Just talk to Jungkook. If you’re worried about him moving out, he’s not. I can tell you that much.” 

You break the hug and look at Nayeon. “Nayeon, he literally has everything packed. I think he’s leaving early in the morning tomorrow.”

Nayeon fixes a strand of stray hairs from your hair framing your face. “Hm. He has?” You nod. “Well, as I said, he’s not leaving. Trust me. But you have to tell him everything that you told me just now. Be honest, __. It feels scary right now but, try to take a leap of faith, okay? This is not some toxic positivity shit or anything like that, but just be honest, alright?” 

Nibbling on your bottom lip, you look at her hesitantly. “Are you… are you sure?” 

Nayeon nods, and she looks so sure of herself that it may have fired up a little bit of hope in you. 

The party is still ongoing, but you decide that it’s time for you to clock out. After you bid your goodbyes to Nayeon and her now husband, to Doyeon and to Taehyung, you head out of the venue to try and book a taxi. You couldn’t find Jungkook earlier at the party, so you decided to send him a text that says you were going home. 

“Need a ride?” 

The ever-familiar voice expectedly appears to be Jungkook when you look at him. 

“Hey,” you greet. “No. I was just about to book an Uber.” 

Jungkook’s brows furrow. You think he looks handsome under the moonlight. “We can ride together in my car. I’m going home as well.”

“N-no, no, ‘s really fine,” you wave your hand, emphasizing your point. 

Jungkook grows more confused. Then: “Are you drunk?” 

You wince, hating that he instantly knows right away. 

“Sorta, kinda…” 

“And you want to Uber?” You pout. You hear him scoff. “There’s no way I’m leaving you alone in this state. Okay, let’s get you to my car.” 

“I’m fine, really,” you say but it sounds whiny even to your ears. 

“You can be stubborn all you want. But in the passenger’s seat.” Jungkook gives you a sharp stare, but his hold on your wrist is gentle as he guides you to the parking lot. 

He wears the seatbelt around your waist and lets you settle on your seat, rounding the car to get behind the wheel right after. You look away. You thought he'd be more... not nice to you since you just left him earlier with a poor excuse.

You feel guilty. So guilty. Jungkook is so... he makes you feel so loved but you're just... so confused. You're so scared it doesn't even make sense.

When he starts the engine, he asks, “Why did you drink so much?” 

It's easy to ignore the heavy thoughts in your head when you're half-asleep at this point.

“I dunno. The champagne was so good… I bet it was probably expensive. I can’t have that much free stuff until –” you stop, as if remembering something, sitting upright. “When is Taehyung’s wedding?” 

“He doesn’t have a wedding, ba—__. He hasn’t proposed to Hyerin yet.” 

You slump in your chair hearing that. 

“Why? They’re so perfect together… they should marry…” You say before dropping back down to your seat again. The AC in Jungkook’s car whirrs softly in your ear, and when you look to the side, you find yourself staring at his side profile.

He’s taken off his white coat, now left with a white shirt and his purple tie. He’s pushed the sleeves up to his forearms, showing the veins all over them.

“Jungkook.” you call him.

“What is it?” He says, momentarily looking at you before focusing back on the road.

“Can I…” you look at his hand. You sniff. “Can I hold your hand?”

Well, he does not expect that at all. But he smiles anyway, taking off one hand on the wheel and reaching for your own hand over the center console. You watch the way his huge palm dwarfs your own, and you almost sigh in relief when he laces his fingers with yours, squeezing your hand as he rests it over his thigh.

The last thing you hear is Jungkook’s soft chuckle before you completely drift off to sleep. 

When you awake, you’re in your room. Seconds after regaining consciousness, you notice the banging in your head – and when you blearily open your eyes, reaching around for your phone, you don’t find it. 

Groaning, you stand up from your bed, realizing you’re now in a shirt and some pajamas. But weirdly enough, you seem to still have your bra on.

You peek through the inside of your shirt and alas, the white lace of your bra from last night’s event welcomes you, and when you stretch the waistband of your shorts to check on your panties, you still adorn the pair of white thong, which means only one thing. 

You haven’t changed completely out of the garments you’ve worn to Nayeon’s wedding and you wonder how it all happened. When you look to the side, your clutch is placed on the nightstand and so you grab it, relieved to find your phone there. 

Shockingly, you read it’s only over 2 am. 

With furrowed brows, you go over to the mirror to check your ensemble. Your face isn’t and doesn't feel as heavy with make-up as it was back at the venue, and you’re definitely dressed down now. 

You remember passing out in Jungkook’s car after he insisted that you ride with him… and everything had been a blur since then. 

Suddenly, an idea goes into your head. 

Did Jungkook… change your clothes and remove your make-up? That’s the only plausible thing that you can consider because you honestly don’t remember ever dressing yourself or going to the bathroom to remove your make-up. And if you did change out of the gown, you would've opted out of your underwear as well. 

Maybe Jungkook did all that. 

And the thought makes you smile. But it drops just as quickly. 

You head towards your door and go straight knocking on Jungkook’s bedroom. 

You don’t expect him to be awake at this point, but when you hear steps coming your way and the doorknob clicking, you stare at Jungkook wide-eyed when he welcomes you with his presence behind the door.

“Hey,” He greets, predictably surprised to see you. “You’re awake.”

“Yeah…” your eyes don’t mean to subtly roam his room. Then that’s when you catch it. The bags lying around his bedroom floor and the neatly piled boxes to the side. Your eyebrows meet each other. “You’re packing?” 

Jungkook nods. “I’m leaving tomorrow, I told you that, didn’t I?” 

“Y-you did, yeah.” You stammer, blinking at him. You suddenly feel like throwing up. “Well, I just came to thank you for…” you trail off, gesturing to your clothes.

Seemingly getting what you mean, Jungkook’s lips curl up into a coy smile. “I hope you don’t mind. I tried to wake you up, but you were complaining about your dress when you were sleeping…”

“Yeah… I’m glad you took it off.” You wince. “That sounds wrong. Anyway, the make-up, too. I have to ask, did I throw up on you?” 

Jungkook laughs, incredulous. “No, no, you didn’t. Are you seriously worried about that?” 

“I just feel bad.” You give him a tight-lipped smile. 

“It’s okay. You should sleep now, it’s late. Do you have a shift tomorrow– or later, actually.” 

“Yeah, I do. But it’s the evening shift. So. You?” 

“I have the morning until three in the afternoon.” 

Nodding, you ask, “Are you leaving at three then? I mean, to your new place?”

“Yeah. Will just pass by here to get some of my stuff.”

You try to look for something on his face. But Jungkook looks casual at best. Now you remember what Nayeon told you. Was she lying when she said you’re going to convince Jungkook not to move out? Because from the looks of it, Jungkook doesn’t seem like anything would budge him from leaving tomorrow. He seems so set on a mission, and you can’t lie and say that it doesn’t break your heart. 

You find yourself thinking about the events at the reception party. How he threw you a quick prom, told you you were beautiful… how he said he missed you. 

Was that all a lie? Just something he said to avoid some sort of dead air? 

Because if he truly misses you, then why would he leave? 

You find yourself getting annoyed. 

“I’ll be back to my room.” You say to get out of the situation. You notice Jungkook getting taken aback by the change of your tone, even more so when you turn on your heels quickly to take the two strides it takes you to your own bedroom. 

In there, you throw yourself on the mattress, the impact affecting you a little bit. You must still be drunk because you feel your vision getting blurry a bit but as you quickly shut and open your eyes, everything goes back to normal. 

You sigh. 

Well, maybe you’re actually meant to be alone and it’s true that you’re not meant for any romantic relationships. You’ll die alone and you’ll just have to deal with the heartbreaks you went through your whole life. 

A stray tear escapes your eye, and you quickly raise the back of your hand to wipe at it. You glare at the wall dividing your and Jungkook’s rooms, finding it annoying that you’re not really mad at him. It’d be so easy if you were mad at him… but you have no reason to.

But why is he so stubborn? Why isn’t he saying anything? Can he just… can it just be him who takes the leap of faith, so you won’t have to? You know that’s unfair, though. It’s juvenile. 

In a burst of courage, you take one pillow from your bed and stomp your way out of your bedroom, finding yourself in front of Jungkook’s room again and knocking. 

He opens it, rightfully surprised to see you again. “H-hey, __, I thought—”

“Can I sleep here?” 

You can see the way his face contorts into confusion. “What?” 

“Can I sleep in your room?” You reiterate, but you’re already forcing your way in. You throw your pillow on his own heap of dark ones, frowning when you see the bags on the floor. “Are you just going to pack forever? You’ve been packing since yesterday.”

Your clipped tone throws Jungkook off a little bit, but he doesn’t point that out, though, when he speaks. “No. I’m actually done now.” 

“Okay? Well, then, let’s sleep.” You say, staring at him. He looks stoned in his position from the edge of the bed, so utterly confused. 

“Are you… still drunk?” 

“What? No.”

“O… kay?” Jungkook looks extra cautious when he seats himself on the mattress by your feet. “Are you sure?” 

“About what?”

“I don’t know. About not being drunk and… sleeping here.” 

“Yeah,” you answer, pointing out the obvious. “Why are you acting like we haven’t had sleepovers before? You used to sleep in my room when there was a spider in your closet.” 

Jungkook makes a face. “It was a huge spider.” 

You roll your eyes, going into a lying position, making sure to leave some space for him on the side. “Jungkook.” 

“Okay, I’m going. So demanding.” 

He playfully clicks his tongue as he lays on the bed as well, sliding his body across the mattress. He doesn’t expect the way you take his arm to spread it on your side of the bed, and you don’t let him say another word when you lay your head on it, keeping your hands close to your chest as you snuggle beside him. 

You could feel there was a moment there that Jungkook stiffened for a bit, but he relaxes just as quickly, feeling him caress your head tentatively as if feeling you out before he goes for it completely. 

“This is what you’re gonna be missing out on when you move out.” you mumble.

You’re grateful when he only says: “Hm?”

“Nothing.” You open your eyes and because of the close proximity, your eyes are at the level of the side view of his chest, and you see the way his thin white shirt clings to his body, rising up and down with his breathing. “I saw your keys earlier. I’m glad you like the Claddagh.” 

Jungkook laughs. “The Claddagh, huh? I knew you knew what that keychain meant,” You frown when you realize you were supposed to pretend you didn’t know that. Oh, well, he figured you out right away, anyway. “I really like it, by the way. It was very thoughtful,” Jungkook says. You can’t see him in your position, but you just know he has a smile on his face. He sounds like it. 

“Thank you. I thought about gifting you a watch… but watches are expensive, so…” You decide to joke, and Jungkook laughs which makes you smile. 

“I would choose the Claddagh any day. I just… I really like it. I interpreted it as a deep sense of belonging and shared history, and I’ve known you for eight years, so that seems very fitting. I’m glad you chose to give me that.” 

It was also a reminder of your relationship. Your love for each other. The loyalty that lies in its foundation, and how you’ve managed to build that over the years. Jungkook’s ultimately your soulmate – that you’re sure of – even though that’s a bit of a cliche and you don’t exactly believe in it entirely. A bit of a conflict, really, since you’re a hopeless romantic. 

But you’ve long known that you and Jungkook are more than just friends. You trust and respect each other beyond words – and it’s more than what you could say about your previous romantic partners. Sure, there was that sense of admiration for one another with your ex-boyfriends, but Jungkook is different. He’s always been different. 

You’ve known that all along – but it’s only now that you decided to read between the lines. 

And you want to tell him that. So badly. But you choose to let the gentle tips of his fingers lull you to that comfortable annexe of warmth, easing you from overwhelming thoughts. 

Has Jungkook always felt like the embodiment of comfort for you? Has he always felt like everything good you can imagine having in your life?

Then, you feel him lean down to the top of your head. “You smell so nice. You aren’t my soulmate after all.” 

That makes you violently crane your neck up to look at him. “What?”

“There was this article that Tae sent to me. It was from Cosmo, I think. It says you’re not supposed to be able to smell your soulmate.” He says, looking so serious that you can’t figure if he’s bullshitting you.

You lean on your elbow so you can look down properly at him, saying, “That’s not even plausible. Since when was Cosmo reliable to you? That’s ridiculous. We literally have four hundred different types of olfactory receptors which help us perceive various smells – I mean, unless you’ve damaged them somehow, or there’s a disruption in your signal transduction, or you’re anosmic – which I know you’re not – then I don’t think that’s true.” 

Jungkook laughs and you can’t help but frown. 

“It made sense, okay? If you ignore the science stuff.”

“You’re a doctor.” You quickly counter.

He rolls his eyes. “I mean, for the record, I believe in the existence of extraterrestrial life, so that’s that.”

“Ugh,” you flop down on the bed again, falling back on Jungkook’s body. He scoots closer to hold you close against him, which you welcome casually. You don’t even know how you got this comfortable, but you’re glad either way. He feels so big and warm. “Are you going to show me that Youtube video of top ten UFO sightings around the world again?” 

“You don’t think that Nebraska one looked very real?” Jungkook says with disbelief.

“No,” you turn to Jungkook only to find him already looking at you. “They were college boys, Jungkook. They probably just turned nineteen or something. Have you seen their eyes in the video? It was pixelated as hell, but if I were that high—”

Jungkook suddenly snorts, effectively cutting you off. “Ohh, if you were that high?”

You jab at his chest which only makes him laugh louder. 

“I tried my first weed with you.” You pout.

Jungkook catches the stray hair that falls from behind your ear and hides it back there again as he says, “You coughed nonstop and had a sore-throat the next day. You have baby lungs.” 

You roll your eyes and go back to lying on his arm. “Whatever. All of that still doesn’t justify that we’re not soulmates.” 

“The concept of soulmates doesn’t even have a scientific explanation.” Jungkook chuckles. 

“No…? But there's psychological research about it; the attachment theory, look it up.” 

“There’s also cognitive dissonance.” Jungkook pitches in. 

“That’s so mean!” You gasp, but you know Jungkook’s only teasing when you see that he’s got that huge stupid grin on his face.

He apologizes in between his laughter, squeezing your waist a bit before he says, “Okay, okay. But what if you’re my soulmate, but I’m not yours?” 

“That’s not how soulmate-ism works. Isn’t it nice to think that there’s like a system to it? Like if you’re my soulmate, then that would automatically make me your soulmate. It doesn’t make sense otherwise.” Your eyebrows knit together as you explain.

“I guess you’re right…” Then you hear him letting out a loud sigh. “For what it's worth, I think I’d be really happy if I was your soulmate.”

You smile against his pec after he says the words. 

You like Jeon Jungkook. You like him so much it’s starting to feel unbearable.

There’s silence that hangs in the air for some time before you look up at Jungkook alarmingly. “Kook.” He doesn’t say anything. You lean on your elbow again to peer down at him, only to see that he’s now closed his eyes. “Jungkook.” 

Finally, he stirs. But his eyes are still closed. “Hm?”

“Don’t sleep yet.” 

“Uh-huh.” He gives your waist a brief squeeze again.

“I’m watching you.” 

He chuckles. “What is it?” 

“Let’s talk more.” 

“How are you still not sleepy?” 

“Because…” you drop your head down to his chest this time. “I want to know if you could ever —” you shrug, staring at his ceiling. “—cannibalize someone.”

“I like this. Conversation’s getting raunchy,” You hear him snorting through his breath. “Is this your pillowtalk?” 

“Yes.” 

“In that case, that’s an interesting question. I have never really thought about that.”  

“Really? Never?” 

“I’ve never been in any situation where I had to think about that, thank god.”

You laugh together. “Okay, but if you really had to, would you?” 

“I don’t know… I’m a huge germaphobe, you know that. But I guess humans inherently have indomitable spirits and that conditions us to do whatever it takes to ensure our survival under extreme conditions. I don’t think I’m beyond that.”   

You nod against his chest. Mindlessly, you start tracing random lines over his shirt, and you wait for Jungkook to pry your hand off or say something to stop you or ask you what you’re doing, but he doesn’t really say anything. 

“It’s fascinating, right? The way we can just alter our brains and mindsets when we’re put under certain conditions. It’s amazing and weird at the same time how we work psychologically.” 

“Exactly.” You feel Jungkook nodding. 

“This is– of course this is not an extreme condition where I have to cannibalize someone,” you chuckle, which earns the same thing from Jungkook. You continue, “but you know when you’re experiencing a heartbreak and you think it’s the end of the world but then you wake up one day and suddenly you’re fine? 

When Jungkook turns quiet, you know you’ve touched on a subject that feels personal. 

You sigh. “I broke up with Mingyu awhile ago.” 

“Oh.”

You hum. “Yeah… like a month ago?”

“Ah. I had a hunch.”

“But you didn’t ask,” you smile. “Well, anyway I just want you to know.” 

Silence.

Then, “Do you feel… do you feel sad about it?” 

“That’s what’s weird,” you say. “Because I don’t necessarily feel sad about the break-up, or the relationship. But it’s more like – the thought of breaking up with somebody again.” You chuckle, but there’s no humor to it. “I feel like you can only take so many break-ups in your life before you completely give up on love, you know? And it’s like… I don’t even get it… I mean, I’m decent, aren’t I? I can hold up a conversation, I make sense, I have a good job, and I don’t look bad – although, maybe that’s what’s wrong all along?” You swallow the lump in your throat. “Am I ugly?” 

“Hey,” Jungkook calls, and you feel him rising from his lying position just as you feel tears slowly streaming down your face. 

You scold yourself for it – because what the hell even is this about? Just earlier you were talking about cannibalism and now you’re tearing up. Your emotions are all over the place, and it doesn’t help that Jungkook’s quick to dote on you, guiding your back as you both sit on the bed instead.

You inhale a sharp breath. “Look at me, I’m a mess,” you look at him through blurry eyes, hoping to look apologetic at the very least for barging in his room at fuckass o’clock and disturbing his packing and not noticing that he’s been in love with you for the past eight years. God, you want to say sorry for a lot of things. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m crying, it’s not that deep.” 

“If it’s bothering you then it’s a big deal. And I’m looking right at you,” Jungkook wraps an arm around your shoulders as he looks you in the eyes. “I’m looking at you and you’re beautiful, you’re intelligent, and you’re the funniest person on Earth I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. I’m so glad I met you.” 

“Well… do you still feel that way when I only ever seem to come to you when I wanna vent or cry?” You ask, attempting to joke, but your voice breaks at the end.

It cracks a smile on Jungkook’s face though. “That’s not true at all. You also come to annoy me.” 

Your laughter turns into a sob and that’s when Jungkook wraps an arm around your shoulder to pull you close to his side, letting your head fall to his bicep and resting his chin on top of yours. It’s a barely-there gesture, but you’re pretty sure you feel him kiss the crown of your head. 

“I know… I know we still have a lot to talk about, __. That we’re glossing over the important things. But I want to say sorry. I never said sorry about what happened back at the resort. For Mingyu. For doing what we did. I never said sorry about bombarding you with all those things and for taking so long to talk to you just because I was scared. But right now, I’m saying sorry. I have been completely unfair to you all this time.” 

You quickly get out of his hold to look up at him. “No, you—” 

“Just…” Jungkook cuts you off. “Just let me, okay? I know you’re gonna say none if it was my fault but you’re right about what you said. You’re right about doubting my feelings for you.” 

“Jungkook…”

He nods. “I was in denial for the most part about my feelings for you. Ever since that thing happened with Jiyeon in college, I found it hard to trust somebody again. I slept around in my last year of college because it made me feel good about myself, made me think I was desirable and that someone cheating on me doesn’t mean shit when I had all those women who willingly slept with me. I was like that during my first year in med school, too. Couldn't really get serious with somebody because – because what if they do the same thing again?” Jungkook smiles bitterly. “And then… I met you. It started out as a crush and I was so sure it wasn’t going to be more than that, but then, we were in almost the same classes and we became friends,” Jungkook looks at you fondly and you almost melt in his arms. “And then I found myself liking you, and then I fell hard – really fucking hard,” he chuckles to himself. “It was during spring break of second year when I realized I was fucked and that I was in love with my best friend.” 

“S-spring break?” You whisper, not sure what he meant. 

“You don’t remember it?” Jungkook asks. He looks over your face and suddenly he’s caressing your cheek with his fingers. He swipes his thumb over it, wiping a stray tear away. He smiles before he says, “I caught the flu that time. I called you, but you were over at your parents. Then the next day I woke up and you were at my place telling me to take care of my health because how can I study medicine when my immune system is shit.”

“Oh, that…” you trail off. Suddenly, the fragments of that time become clear to you. The flu wasn’t that bad, only took him three days to fully recover.

“Yeah. But then that was also the time when you told me Eunwoo asked you to be his girlfriend and that you said yes.” 

You inhale a shaky breath.

“I– I tried to forget about my feelings, because I didn’t want to harbor all those feelings for you when you already had a boyfriend. I went to all those dates in the hopes that I could feel something from someone. I tried to date Sora. It was good. It was a good partnership. But then… Eunwoo proposed, and I don’t know – I guess I deluded myself so bad that I have fully moved on from you since then – but then I was faced with the reality that you were going to spend your life with somebody else and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I was so bad at handling my emotions. So stupid. Sora broke up with me because she figured I love you.” 

You stare at him with your mouth agape. You would've never guessed why they broke up. You always thought they were so perfect for each other… 

“And yeah, the break-up with Eunwoo happened and it took you two years to heal. I didn’t want to make a move because I simply didn’t want to be that kind of guy who takes advantage of a woman’s vulnerability after a break-up, you know? And we moved in together two years ago and…” You wait as he trails off. “I guess I just got comfortable with our set-up.” 

“How do you mean?”

“It was like, everything I imagined us to be. Living together, sharing everything together. I thought no one could take that away from me, even if I didn’t ask you out. I’m not telling you to believe it, but I wasn’t with a lot of women for the past two years… yeah, sure, I dated them very briefly, but it was out of genuine attempt to find somebody for myself because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship by confessing. Being your best friend was and still is more important to me than being your boyfriend. I couldn’t care less how I can have you; I want you in any way – and if that meant being your platonic friend the rest of our time, then I was that. I am that. Even now.”

You can’t find your words. You’ve imagined your talk countless times in your head, but they all fell short to give you a taste of what the real thing would be like. 

“So… I’m sorry. I’m sorry for keeping my feelings for nearly eight years. I’m sorry I kept something important to you about Mingyu. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner. Just… I apologize. I feel like I broke your trust.” 

It’s quiet for a while before you break the silence.

“Jungkook,” You call him. He meets your gaze. It’s soft and it’s sweet and you realize he’s always looked at you like that. How could you have not noticed? “You’re very important to me.” 

“I’m glad.” He smiles. A small one that makes him look all boyish. The urge to keep him in your pocket even though he’s much bigger than you becomes huge.

“And I want you in any way, too.” You say, staring intently at him. 

You watch as Jungkook stares back at you. There’s an agonizing stretch of seconds when you see his eyes darting down from your eyes to your lips, and you don’t mean to bite the bottom one, suddenly feeling the thick tension rising in the air.

“Can I hug you?” You swallow the lump in your throat. 

“I would really love that.” 

You don’t know how it happens, but the last thing you see is Jungkook’s wall clock pointing to 3:15 am before you let your eyes rest.

[ READ BELOW ]

this chapter is not over yet! tumblr has a 1k paragraph/block limit in a single post and so i can't put the whole thing in this. please look thru the reblogs to read the last scene of the chapter and the EPILOGUE or click on this [ link ]

[sftykth]

milk and cookies ⟢ anakin skywalker ii.

banner made by me!

╭ summary: your doll like face will be the end of anakin skywalker he was sure of it. however he must stay away from his disturbing thoughts as he was only your sugar daddy, and you two had agreed on a deal, no physical contact. Though for how long can you both resist the temptation?

╭ pairing: y/n x anakin skywalker

╭ genre: college au!, gap age (y/n is 20, anakin is 42), sugar daddy

╭ a/n: here’s part two of the series:) let me know what you think! any ideas of what you may wanna see, my requests are always open:)

part i

You huffed at the lack of notifications on your phone.

It has been officially two weeks since the last time you had spoken to Mr Skywalker. There was no messages, no calls, absolutely nothing. Your tendencies to please people made you overthink the worst, did he not like you? Were you not pretty enough for him. Shaking your head, you knew that could not have been the case. Though you could not shake the uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach. You debated if you should reach out first, it was a Friday night and you were incredibly bored.

Reaching for your phone, you chewed on your lip as your fingers hovered over the keyboard. Thoughts racing your head, thinking of what you could say to him. Keeping it simple and short would be best, you thought.

May 2024

[Dollface] hey how are you?

[Sky] Hello, dollface. I'm alright why are you texting me this late at night. No plans for the youngsters hm?

[Dollface] uhh nopee. i wanted to ask you something..

[Sky] Go on. Don't be shy now.

[Dollface] um well you hadn't messaged me at all, did you decide i wasn't up for the role or something..

You slightly cringed at your desperation, but something about him just made you so needy for his attention. You wanted it, no you needed it.

[Sky] I do remember we both agreed to the deal, no?

[Dollface] well yeah.. but its been two weeks i just thought

[Sky] There has been no reason for me to do so. My next event is not until next Saturday which I will send more details over near the date.

[Dollface] oh i see yeah that makes sense haha sorry i will leave you be now.

[Read]

You felt something wet hit your cheek, you didn't even realize you were crying. The cold attitude was something you didn't expect to receive, though you should have knew better. You were always so senstive to people's feelings towards you, always wanting them to like you, doing anything in your power to please them.

Wiping the tears that had managed to escape, you threw your phone to side as you laid down on your bed. You didn't understand him, some moments he seemed to be kind and then other times he seemed so harsh and cold. You wrapped your arms around you, craving warmth as you mind couldn't stop creating thoughts upon thoughts of why he was so mean. Falling asleep that night was near impossible.

-

One week had passed since you reached out to Mr Skywalker, or your sugar daddy you could say. It felt like a painfully slow week, barely managing to attend your classes not really having much motivation. The nerves on attending the event had kept you up most nights, wondering how will it plan out. Your head perked up at the ding coming from your phone, rushing to your desk you saw the name which made you feel so many emotions at once.

[Sky] Good evening, Dollface. I hope I'm not interrupting you, I just wanted to let you know the details of the event tomorrow.

[Dollface] hey! no no i wasn't doing much. and yes of course

[Sky] Good. Luckily, the event is a local one so travel will not be far. We are promoting a new product so many important figures will be there, so formal outwear is a must for this case. Most importantly, do not be late.

[Dollface] yes i understand Mr Skywalker, what is the address of this place?

[Sky] No need. My driver and I will pick you up at eight o'clock sharp.

A relieved sigh left my lips, having some form of knowledge on the event slightly eased my nerves or perhaps it was the fact I got to speak to him. You shake your head, you shouldn't be feeling this way towards a man who only is there to pay you essentially.

Now you had a major task up your sleeve, try and find something fancy enough. Oh God. You thought, this is going to be difficult seen as your wardrobe was made up of tiny skirts and dresses. You had always preferred clothes that revealed your figure, not really finding the problem in lengths. Though you were determined not to disappoint the man, and rushed to find something that will be acceptable enough.

-

Twenty minutes. That is how long you had before Mr Skywalker picks you up. You had managed to find a dress that you had long tucked away, a dress you mother had gifted you on your eighteen birthday, saying how you were finally a lady and should dress like one. You remember rolling your eyes at her, never understanding why she found your style to be such a big deal.

Glancing up at the mirror, a big smile crossed your face. The long black gown hugged your figure in every right place, a flower pattern embroidered in the material, paired with some black heels. It was quite see through which did cause a slight doubt in your head but you pushed it away, it surely wouldn't be that much of a problem. Typically, you would have your hair straightened but for tonight you had put it in nice curls, your make up enhancing your docile features even more.

You could only hope he also thought you looked pretty. Cursing yourself for once again thinking about him so much but at this point you could not stop your little mind.

A knock was heard from the downstairs, it must be him. You quickly rushed downstairs, not faring to be a second late. Opening the door it felt like your breath was knocked out of you. There he stood towering over you, his dark blonde curls perfectly styled. A giddy feeling had crept in at the fact you were unintentionally matching, him in a full black suit.

He raised his eyebrow once his eyes had landed on you. Giving you a look over, "You look different." Was all he said before turning around and walking to the car parked in front of us. Your lip quivered, what did he even mean by that. Glancing down at yourself, you thought you looked pretty okay, yes it was very far from your usual style. Approaching the car you tried your hardest not to let out a sob, you didn't want to cry in front of him, he wouldn't understand your sensitive side, you thought.

The atmosphere inside the car was thick, you tightened your arms around yourself. Not a single word had been spoken between you, you felt so uncomfortable. So much so you almost were tempted to stop the car and run as far away from him as possible.

A shake to your shoulder made you jump from your thoughts, arrived already? "We are here. Now remember we are here as a couple so try to be on your best behavior." he says before leaving the car. Getting out the car the slight breeze hit your legs, you should have brought a jacket with you.

You felt someones hand touch yours, you jolted at the touch as you saw he had intertwined your hands together. Your doe like eyes peered up at him, forgetting for a minute at the reason behind such intimate action. He only gave you a tight smile before leading the way towards the building, you could only hope your poor heart won't give up on you.

Entering the massive hall you were surrounded by what you could only assume other rich people. Instantly, a lady had come offering drinks you both had declined her. You were not prepared to get drunk in front of all these people, knowing your self your ass would act out. You were a very emotional drunk.

"Here comes Mr Windu, he is my main opponent at the minute. Always challenging my role, that idiot.." he rambled on, you listened quietly finding it slightly cute at the tiny frown that appeared on his face.

"Just don't say anything got it." you nodded in response, you were unsure what type of man Mr Windu was, you had heard of his role in the state wanting to take Mr Skywalker's position from what you heard on the radio.

"Well well, what do we have here. Mr Skywalker it is a pleasure to see you. Have come all prepared as per usual." the older man grinned as his eyes never left Mr Skywalkers's. You gulped at the intense eye contact between the two. Only for Windu's eyes to glance down at me, your eyes widened like a deer caught in headlights.

His dark eyes looked you up and down, "Oh and what a delight do we have here. I don't think I have seen you here before. Last I seen it was the beautiful Mrs Amidala"

A twinge of pain crossed your chest for a second, you almost forgot about his wife, or ex wife you could say.

"There is no longer a Mrs, Mr windu. If you have forgotten I had divorced my wife long time ago" Mr Skywalker's voice was strained, you could tell he did not want to be speaking about his ex wife with the man right now.

"And this is my new Lady, if you could excuse us now," he tried to walk away but was stopped by the grip Windu had on my wrist,.

"Now now, there is no reason for such a rush leave. I only wanted to learn the name of this gorgeous being, Skywalker. Does she not speak for herself, hm." he questioned as his hold never left my wrist. You winced at the harsh hold, "It's Y/n" you whimpered in response.

Dropping your arm he smirked, "It was nice meeting you Y/n, and of course you too Mr Skywalker." Watching him walk away, a huge sigh left your body you didn't even realize you were holding your breath.

Turning your head sideways, Mr Skywalker was already staring at you. Blushing at the long stare he was giving you, you looked down at your shoes biting your lip. You felt a gentle tug at your chin, raising you to look at him. Glancing at his eyes, you could see concern?

"Are you alright dollface? He should not have dared to put his hands on you like that. No man should. Are you hurt?" his questions made your head dizzy. The unexpected concern for you made you feel something inside. Giving him a slight node, "I'm okay Mr Skywalker, thank you. I just didn't expect it is all."

"Please use Anakin, dollface. It is easier to say and I feel so old when people use my last name so often." he chuckled, reaching for your hand again he held tit so gently this time, giving it a small squeeze as he led the way towards the bar.

You couldn't help but grin at the affection he was suddenly giving you, the cold attitude from earlier fully wiped away. It almost gave you a whiplash. "Would you like something to drink, dollface?" he asked as he ordered himself a whiskey. "Maybe just a coke, please."

"Not a drinker huh?" he questioned, taking a seat to your left on the high stools. "Not really, I just hate how I get when I get drunk. So rather just not cause a scene." you gave him a nervous laugh, playing with the ends of your hair to distract yourself from the piercing eyes that belonged to such a handsome man.

"Oh? And what would that be, dollface?" he raised his eyebrow, eyes never leaving me. The use of the nickname made you gush inside, loving how it sounded coming from him. You debated whether you should answer him but the affections side he shown you made you feel comfortable enough for some reason.

"I-I just get very emotional.. I'm just sensitive when it comes to things I guess. Or well more so than others, my mother always told me I need to grow out of it. But that is the thing its just who I am. I can't change something like that" you rambled on, in that moment it felt almost right.

He hums, "You shouldn't feel like you need to change for anyone, dollface. I'm being serious you know, you need to embrace yourself for who you are whichever way that is." The way he spoke to you was so soft and nothing like before, you almost didn't recognize the man facing you.

"Thank you, Anakin I really do appreciate that." you gave him a big smile in return. His hand reached out and brushed a piece of hair from my face, tucking it behind your ear, you didn't even notice the gap that began to close as his face neared yours.

"Now what do we have here." A stern voice spoke out.

let me know what you guys think!:) and what you may wanna see in future series 👀 also let me know if you wanna be in the tag list!

tag list:

@cl0esblogg @spoolsofgreenspoolsofblack

[katapotato55]

how to make your writing be remembered forever and possibly be well loved.

(incredibly stupid and silly fanfiction line at the end of this post) I know that title is incredibly daunting but listen, its very simple. you ready?

MAKE STRONG CHARACTERS

"but kat! surely its not that simple! " nononono listen. bear with me. I want you to think of your favorite thing. Now ask: what do you remember the most about the thing you love? I will go first:

I love team fortress 2. and guess what: this game has been around since 2007, and was in development hell since before I was even born. The game has been around for 16 fucking years. And guess what? in the strong year of 2023 team fortress 2 Is STILL getting memed about. and do you want to know the crazy part? the character designs to the naked eye are not special at all. ok sure from a designer standpoint, these are very well designed characters made so that you can easily tell who they are based on their silhouette. but from the average joe.... tf2 is iconic but overall it looks ok. it doesn't seem special to a stranger to tf2. look at this completely random and arbitrary example of a game in the same genre:

I don't know shit about the characters in overwatch. Yeah i have a BASIC idea on what their personality is like based on voice lines and some videos i guess... but in-game they just exist. these characters are brightly colored, they have beautiful unique designs, hell they have even more diversity such as robots and people from other cultures! but i don't remember shit about these characters. Maybe I remember the ice lady and tracer, but nothing else. and yeah part of overwatch struggling right now is incompetant development, BUT: The characters in team fortress 2 are SO remember-able because the characters have such a vibrant personality. I am an orange box owner, its been a decade and a half and I am still remembering this game and enjoying art about it.

"but kat! that is a comedy game! Overwatch is a very serious game! are you saying comedy is needed to make a character more noticeable?" no. though I think allowing your characters to lighten up every now and then would humanize them. Not full on goofy, just give them something that makes them likeable. and if you cant do that, you can STILL make a compelling character even though they are mostly seriousness. I have an even more awfully thought out example:

kung fu panda is a masterclass in making a serious comedic movie somehow work. Master Oogway.... he isn't a comedic character at all. Yeah we made memes about him, but ignoring that, he is a wise and resourceful person. He is at calm and has faith in this intuition. there are a lot of characters like this. What makes Oogway stand out is that he is also a little bit kooky and sassy.

this youtube clip sums up what I mean. It is a funny line, it fits the character, and It doesn't ruin the seriousness of the moment. Some of the most successful series in history have something about them that has appealed to people. In my opinion: characters with strong personality and interesting traits is always a good way to ensure your writing is successful. The second most important is the characters bouncing off of each other in terms of their chemistry with each other. There is a reason why I spent years playing the first Destiny game and all of the DLC, but I remember fuck all about the characters. I think I maybe remember the bootleg star lord robot guy.

A writing exercise

here is an exercise to get you in the spirit of character making. step 1- get a random character from a random bit of media. In this case let me bring you master Oogway. Step 2- Get a completely different character from a completely unrelated series. I am going to give you Scout from team fortress 2. step 3- write a random ass thing about them interacting. Think about how the characters would react to each other and why. Think about each characters values in life and think about how they would bond and conflict with each other. Think about characters similar to the character they met in the past and how they reacted then, and if they have never interacted, make something interesting with it. Step 4- keep experimenting. Once you get into the spirit you can apply this to any new character you could want to make anyways thats it byeee- "arent you going to do that ?" do what? "make a writing thing about oogway and scout. " ........

Scout: let's go turtle you got nothing on my speed- Oogway: The one who first resorts to violence shows that he has no more arguments. Scout: that sounds like chicken talk! come on tough guy let me have it- Oogway then proceeds to make scout eat shit before vanishing in a cloud of cherry blossoms and dust from the desert. If this post isn't popular I want you to know my dignity was lost for nothing.

[hyunfilms]

blue side of the sky (lmh) | seventeen.

♡ spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: waking up after 3 months with no recollection of your past, your friends do what they can to help you remember. except, they omit an important piece to the puzzle - afraid you would remember the heartbreak and hurt all over again.

—pairing: lee know x f. reader

—genre: (18+) exes to lovers, bestfriends to lovers au | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 4.1k

—chapter content/warnings: nothing too much for this chapter, cussing, crying, unloading lots of feelings, mostly oc x san centered, the start of turning a new leaf..

—a/n: merry christmas & happy new year, my loves! 🤍 the upcoming updates may be slower / may not be posted on time during my usual schedule just because i'm a little behind on where i wanna be with blue side. <33 there will probably be 5 more chapters left + 3 more cloudy days so we are slowly reaching the end! thank you for supporting me throughout this journey, you have no idea how much i appreciate you all. 🥰

San honestly doesn't think he's ever driven this fast in his life. But, as soon as he picked up your call and heard how distressed you were— he panicked. He races over to the floral shop as safely as possible, pulling up to a spot near the alley. When he jiggles the door knob, he realizes it's locked. He peeks in and doesn't see you in clear view; though, he does catch wind of something hitting the floor and shattering to pieces.

"Y/N?" He turns the corner and heads towards the back door, following the noise. He finally catches sight of your figure, back door slightly ajar. Your bent over on the counter before shoving the small vase next to you onto the floor. "Woah, Y/N. Hey." San says, pushing his way through the door. You don't hear him, or maybe you just don't seem to care right at this moment, but San calls for you again when he finds you tossing another piece to the floor. "Y/N." He says a little more sternly while gently grabbing at your arm. "You'll hurt yourself, please stop. Talk to me." Once you're able to let San's voice sink in, it finally pulls you out of the trance you were in.

"Sannie." You look at him before digging yourself into his arms, crying against his chest.

"Hey, what happened? Talk to me." San repeats, eyeing the mess on the floor— your broken pottery projects lying everywhere in pieces. "You're gonna hurt yourself, let's get you away from this." He says, navigating you through the broken parts until you hit the counter where the register is. You press your back against the edge and slide down to the floor, crying into your hands some more. "Y/N, it's gonna be okay." San says as he sits next to you on the floor and pulls you into arms again. 

"Sannie, they really hid it from me."

"Hid what?" San is asking a true, genuine question. Because again, he only knows the surface details of the accident. He only knows the surface of your breakup with Minho. He truthfully doesn't know what ensued before, during and even after— now. And even though you are heartbroken and torn about your friends, it feels a bit relieving to hear San question you.

At least you weren't the only single person in the dark. It felt like you were.

"Everything. They hid everything from me." You repeat, finally able to look San in the eye. You wipe away at the straggling tears, feeling like you could breathe for a moment. Maybe this was needed, maybe it was warranted. 

"Elaborate whenever you're ready. I'm all ears." And so you take another deep breath before relaying exactly what Minho said about you two. You started from the beginning, outlining how you met in high school and got close. How Minho ended up confessing his feelings for you during your junior year. Your blossoming relationship.

San nods. He listens. He hears you.

Then, you've turned to the sad parts. How Minho said he felt like you two had run its course. How he was truly infatuated by Kat, leaving you out of pure curiosity. How you've taken so long to rebuild that trust when he came back to work things out— just for it to come crumbling down again.

Felt much like the clouds that take over the blue sky when it's getting ready to rain. To storm.

"That night of the accident." You pause, letting out another shaky breath as you sniffle and fiddle with your fingers. San gives your shoulder an encouraging squeeze, nodding for you to continue on. "We got into an argument because Kat had texted him for help with something. I-I didn't really let him explain what it was about because I was so angry. I blew up. I assumed. I didn't wanna be there so I left." You look at San. "It makes sense now, you know? I remember seeing her at the café being all upset and Minho had to take her outside to talk."

"Yeah, I remember that." San adds softly.

"He had been seeing her even while I was in the hospital. Until after." You shake your head. "God, I feel so dumb for letting my feelings take over. I should've pressed on this more."

"No, don't blame yourself. He should've just told you." You sigh. 

"San. I still feel like I played a part in this because I let it happen." Your bottom lip pokes out, and the tears start falling. You're not even sure why you're crying at this point— maybe because you're hurt knowing the one person who you felt like would never hurt you, really hurt you, or because you feel a tad bit of regret for having given into Minho instead of San. You know you would have been forcing it if it were San though; unfortunately, you just feel the way you do for Minho. It hurts so, so much to think about. It still feels like after everything, Minho did choose Kat. Even though he says he loves you, and feels love when he sees you, you feel like his actions had spoken louder than everything else. 

At one point, you were his main priority, his everything.

Then, you became a second choice; another option.

To someone you love, still love dearly, and feel so much for.

That's what hurts the most.

Even though you love him and you crave his comfort, crave his kisses and his 'it'll be alright's,' you will need your time and space from him. From Jisung, too. From your friends. But, mainly him. 

To heal, to grow, to love; yourself, for you.

"It's such a mess. I feel like I took so many steps backwards, and it hurts." San is hurting for you. To be quite honest, he didn't expect all of this tonight. He didn't expect to hear these details, he didn't expect you, Minho and Kat to be in one huge mess. He didn't expect your friends [even JJ] to hide it for this long. He understood the need, but it was about time. The timing of it all.

Throughout all of this pain and hurt, he can still see how much you love Minho. It's the same look in your eyes from the beach that night. It's the same look because the person you love so, so much, is the same person who is capable of hurting you just as deep.

Nonetheless, it's the same look. You love Minho. You will always be his.

And that is probably the root of why it hurts you so, so much.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N. I know it hurts, but it's gonna be okay." San tries to shush you and calm you down. "You just need to take time to process this. No matter how long it takes. Let yourself feel it. Let yourself stash it away in the past when you are ready to. But for now, let yourself feel it and be hurt. You need to take time away from him and everyone else. That's all okay. They need to understand that."

"Why didn't they just tell me? Why didn't Minho just tell me? We—we were—" You look at him all doe-eyes, more tears threatening to spill from your bottom lid. 

"You don't have to explain. I know." It's the truth, and it only gives San validation. He knows you and Minho had been rekindling the flame, he knows you two were working on something. "He should have told you beforehand."

"I don't know how much it'd change, but I probably would have stopped myself before falling too deep. I would've given myself time before opening up to him. I really opened myself to Minho and let everything go. I felt safe to do so."

"And it's okay if that feeling comes back. It's okay if it doesn't. Either way, this is a learning experience for everyone and I only hope everyone takes the opportunity to grow from it." San really means that towards Minho. He loves JJ, and though he isn't entirely close to Minho, he does have respect for him. He wishes things happened differently. He wishes Minho was a bit wiser. But, we are humans who make mistakes. The only thing he can do now is learn and grow from it— avoid making the same mistakes, especially if he wants to continue having you in his life. However that may look like.

It will take time.

"You know.." He adds. "You don't have to respond to this or anything. I'm here for you, but I'm also trying to play devil's advocate because of JJ and the guys." San says. "I know your friends deeply care about you and love you. I can see why they did this. The timing of everything was just horrible, and I'm sorry it unfolded this way. It shouldn't have, and there were better ways to approach it. But, at the same time, I know they tried their best." San just holds you and lets you cry against him because he knows this is all you need right now. You were given the information you needed to know, now it's time to process it. And San will be there for you. He will help you no matter what.

So you cry, and you cry.

And you cry.

Letting yourself feel this out until you have nothing else to give.

"San?" You push off of him once you've been able to keep your crying to a minimum, gathering enough energy to break the silence.

"Yeah?"

"I shouldn't love him after all of this, right? I shouldn't." San shakes his head. "It would be so dumb of me to."

"Nah. Never dumb." He smiles a bit. "Love isn't an easy thing sometimes. You can still love someone even after all of that and that's valid. Your heart knows what it wants." He says. "Right now, you just need to make sure you put yourself first. That you love yourself first. All of it will fall into place as it should afterwards." You continue to look at him before shifting your attention to the hem of your sweater. San isn't sure what else to say because he doesn't want to make you feel worse. But, he chimes in once more with his two cents before holding space and allowing you to just be. "I probably sound like a broken record but things will get better." San lifts your chin to meet your eyes briefly. "You've been through so much already, Y/N. I'm sorry life has been difficult. You'll overcome this, and it will only make room for the things meant for you this time around." He allows you to rest your head on his shoulder while the two of you continue to sit on the floor in silence.

You're not sure where you stand, but you need time.

You need space.

No matter how hard it will be, you will need your space.

"Thank you, Sannie."

"Of course." He responds close to a whisper.

"I think I'll be okay now."

"You sure?"

"Mhm." You nod.

"Can I ask then? What was all of that?" San points to the broken pieces and you let out a heavy sigh.

"I made some stuff for Minho at the pottery class and stashed it here so I could surprise him with it. Gone now, I guess."

"I'll clean it up for you so you don't hurt yourself." He gives you a small smile, but you shake your head.

"I made the mess, so I should—" San stands to his feet and immediately grabs the broom and dustpan that sits nearby.

"Y/N. Seriously. Please. I'll take care of it. I really don't want you to hurt yourself. You've been through enough today." You sigh and stand to your feet, dusting yourself off as you follow San to the back and eye the mess you've made.

Just broken pieces of art lying everywhere on the floor. Your heart poured into those pieces, literally. Part of you regrets it, and it's painful to look at.

Much like everything else.

Despite San turning down your efforts to help clean, you do eventually tidy around in some parts so that Mrs. Pak doesn't come in wondering why things were messy and misplaced. At the same time, you're able to prep a few small things ahead of time before your shift tomorrow.

"Ready? Let's get you home so you can rest." San looks at you and you give him a simple nod. You shut off the lights and lock up, following San to his car around the corner. San opens the door for you, allowing you to slide in and silently strap on your seatbelt. As he begins to drive off, he adjusts the temperature in the car and lowers the volume a bit. "That okay?" You look at him and nod, leaning your head against the window and shutting your eyes.

"Yes. Don't mind me. I didn't eat much so I feel a bit queasy."

"Wanna grab something?"

"I'll just make it at home. Thanks, San."

"Okay, just let me know." And with that, San allows you to be. He is worried about you, but he knows the time will do you good. Even if you needed space from him too, he'd give that to you. He knows you are the priority, and he would do whatever it takes to help you heal.

When you finally get home, San quickly walks you to your door— giving you a big hug and holding you close. He reassures you that you can always call or text him if you need him, and that he'll try to drop by if he isn't too swamped with work tomorrow. You thank him again before softly closing the door and retreating into your quiet, humble abode.

Once you've washed up and gotten comfortable, you finally glance at your phone and quickly skim through the texts from Chan, Seungmin, Jisung. Your heart breaks a bit because you know they tried their best.

You will still need time.

You can't even begin to think about Minho right now because you're not sure where you lie with him. You opened up to him, laid out everything so genuinely, so raw— your feelings for him, your need, your attachment. 

His touch, his kisses. Everything.

But, no.

You know he was planning to tell you, you remember that very clearly. You're just having a hard time understanding why he didn't tell you sooner. Maybe you should've pressed on it more, maybe you should've tried harder to get it out of him before anything.

Either way, you are grateful he told you. But you wished it was earlier than later.

You are sad.

And you probably will be for awhile.

Rightfully so.

"Hi Mrs. Pak." You greet her as you prance into the shop. You're feeling a bit better today, given that you didn't answer any texts or force interactions with your bestfriends. Seeing San and being able to open up to him about everything definitely helped. Though, it is probably a little obvious to Mrs. Pak that you aren't functioning at 100% because—

"Hi sweetheart." Her eyes linger on you for a bit, even as you busy yourself around the back room. She can mainly tell by the way you don't follow up with anything right away. On top of that, you haven't been able to really meet her eyes. You are still bright, and you are still glowing. But you're quieter, and your movements are softer; safer. As if you're trying to keep yourself contained in one, small bubble for now. "Is everything alright?" You look at her and let out a shaky breath, feeling the sudden tears prick your eyes at the question.

"It will be." You barely let out, swallowing the lump in your throat as you try to hold back your tears.

"Want to tell me what happened? If you're ready." You nod. You do the same as you did with San yesterday, giving Mrs. Pak details from the very beginning. Of course, she'd have to step away in between to help customers— reassuring you that you didn't have to face most customers if you weren't up for it. You told her you'd be okay, admitting to her that you were here with San the day before just because you needed a place to run to that was away from family, friends. A few tears had escaped and ran down your cheeks during the time you had opened up to her, but you knew there wasn't much tears left to cry. 

Mrs. Pak looked you in the eye and apologized on their behalf, but she also believed that they only had good intentions. It's not surprising coming from her at all, no. As a matter of fact, she supported Minho in a certain way. She knew his decisions were stupid, she knew he made dumb mistakes. But, she believed that this was all necessary for his growth— for him to realize who was meant to be in his life, and how much they truly meant to him. Unfortunate it had to be this way, but she also reassured you that life had its weird ways of working, and that it just had to happen this way.

Things happened for a reason.

And it's totally okay to forgive, but never forget. It serves as a reminder that you only deserve the best, and that your friends, Minho especially, should have learned from this mistake— not taking steps backwards.

"Thanks Mrs. Pak." You give her a soft smile. "For everything."

"Everything will be okay. For all of you. Take your time. Your friends will understand." Mrs. Pak basically repeats what San had said. 

"Mm, yeah." Is all you respond with. Mrs. Pak gives your arm a reassuring squeeze before leaving you in the back to tend to more customers. You continue to prep more special-ordered bouquets, following specifics down to the T in order to keep customers happy. It isn't until a few hours later when you hear a familiar voice speaking to Mrs. Pak at the front.

"Is she here today?" You peek through the blinds seeing Jisung.

"I'm sorry, she—"

"It's okay." You walk out and give her a nod before your eyes shift to Jisung. 

"Cielo." You let out a breath. 

"Let's go outside." You look at Mrs. Pak and she sends a small smile, giving you the green light to step outside for a second. You lead him out the door and to the side, crossing your arms just as you turn your attention to him. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to see if you were okay. Y-you didn't answer my text, I kinda got—" You sigh and give him a sympathetic look. You do miss Jisung, and you know he deeply cares for you. But even with him, you feel like you need your time. You need your space.

You cannot be the same way you were with him right now.

"I know, I'm sorry." You let out a small sigh. "Jisung, when I said I needed time, I meant it. Not just a couple of hours, or a day or two." You emphasize. "Time."

"I'm sorry, I know you do." He says lowly. "I get worried. I'm afraid."

"I promise I'll reach out when I'm ready." His eyes soften while he continues to look at you. "Pachi, I need this." You remind him and he finally nods, eyes scanning his feet below him.

"Right, okay. Sorry cielo. Don't hesitate to call me whenever you need something. I'll be there."

"Thank you." You give him one last look before you scurry back into the shop.

"Are you okay, dear? I'm sorry, I wasn't sure if you wanted to see him."

"I'm okay, and I appreciate it, Mrs. Pak. Jisung.. he's just.." You purse your lips. "I think we've always been together so he's not used to this."

"That's okay. He just wanted to check, but I'm sure he understands now." 

"Hope so."

"Are you sure you want to finish your shift, Y/N? I can handle the shop today." You chuckle and shake your head.

"I'm okay, Mrs. Pak. I wanna be here." You throw your arm around her and give her a gentle squeeze. "Now, we still have four more of these bouquets to finish." Mrs. Pak giggles in agreement.

Meanwhile, Jisung's head hangs low as he walks back to his car. He's not gonna lie— he feels a bit defeated after seeing you, but he knows he can't force you or pressure you. He just misses his bestfriend, and the thing that scares him the most is letting you out of his sight once more.

He's afraid of possibly losing you again. He doesn't wanna revisit that moment, that feeling— ever.

His drive home is completely silent as he doesn't even wanna play his music. He stops by for a quick bite to eat, buying something for Minho since he hasn't been 100%. At least, he can focus a bit on being there for him while giving you the space you respectfully asked for and deserve.

"Yo." Jisung says, dropping the bag onto the dining table. "Got you something." Minho looks at him from the couch and gives him a small smile.

"Thanks."

"Are you heading anywhere today?" Minho shakes his head.

"JJ told me he had the café under control. Was gonna pop in and keep myself busy."

"You have class tonight?"

"Mm, yeah. Hyunjin's teaching." Minho stands to join Jisung at the dining table, sitting directly across from him. "Did you see Y/N today?"

"Yeah, I did." Jisung pops his container full of rice open, dipping a spoonful into his kimchi-jjigae. 

"She okay?"

"Think so. Didn't really get a chance to talk to her. She told me she really meant it when she asked for time." Minho nods, following Jisung's actions with his own food. "Feel kinda stupid, I didn't wanna pressure her or make her think we didn't care, but I just got worried and needed to see her."

"Yeah, I know." Minho clears his throat a bit. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For all of this. For the dumb shit I've pulled and for not telling her right away." Minho does a slight head tilt. "I just didn't think, that's all. Got way too caught up in having her back that I should've prioritized this first. You guys got all roped into this too, so I'm sorry I fucked it all up. It's on me."

"It's alright." Jisung says. "We all could've done better. We learn and we grow."

"Yeah."

"Are you doing okay, though?" Jisung can tell he isn't, but he figured posing the question could help Minho open up about it more if he chooses. Minho's eyes are red, slightly puffy. He's been tossing and turning in his sleep, and he feels awful. But, he knows it could never equate to what he put you through. And for that, he is sorry.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I wish I could talk to her but I'll wait until she's ready. However long that takes." He knows he shouldn't text you, call you. He won't. He'll respect your time and space and he'll let this fall into place as it should. After all, he fucked up. He messed this up. He acknowledges it, and he knows this is what he needs to give you.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Hm?" Minho hums.

"What if she doesn't wanna get back together with you? What if she's ready to put that in the past?" Minho shrugs.

"Then so be it. I'm not gonna force her. It'll be hard, but I'll always put her first and be her bestfriend before anything. She deserves to be happy, however that looks like for her." Minho sighs. "I've put her through a lot so if she's ready to move on, then she is."

"Mm, yeah. I guess so."

"It'll hurt, yeah. But, can't blame anybody but myself for not doing better in the first place."

"I see." Jisung nods. "Everything will be okay. Over time."

"Hope so."

"You know, despite everything, I know you made Y/N really happy."

"Maybe, maybe not." Minho chuckles. "I mean, I hope I did at some point."

"You're still my bestfriend and I hope you don't let your mistakes define you. You've always been a good person, even through the dumb decisions and all. You have a good heart."

"Thanks." Minho swirls his spoon in his soup. "For always being there for me."

"I could say the same."

"Wanna play in a bit? Get your mind off of things before class?" 

"Yeah, we can." Minho chuckles. The two continue to talk about work and other updates before finishing their food and tidying up the table. Minho runs to his room to quickly change and get into his class clothes before hopping on a game with Jisung. Just as he's about to snatch his watch off of the stand, his eyes land on the picture sitting on his nightstand. He stares at it for a good minute and purses his lips— hoping the blue skies will return again.

⇢ 17.5 [cloudy days]: here

♡ taglist: @ppiri-bahng @jihanlovic @meloncremesoda @sweetlikecherry @asjkdk @hoes4lino @skzddicted @skzho @edgaralienpoe @harui-zen @bestleeknowstan @havenwithleeknow @septicrebel @heesdazed @borahae-reads @yoontaethings @pearbunny @bintificreads @lukeys-giggle @ajxreads @everglowdaisies @allaboutsan @endzii23 @leeknowsramen @heres-your-ramen2000 @morningstardada @mal-lunar-28 @downbadreading @lilysophie @feelikecinderella @urmomma0324 @ddazed-lhs @djeniryuu @melanctton @i8rsie @maru-matt @sleepyleeji @taerifin @nattisbored @jisunglyricist @m111nho @drhsthl @nixtape-foryou @arminseas @guiltycoco @syuuji @sulkygyu @cadihyo @reianagarcia @leeknowyah @smndjdufuehr @dprkbyn @xxibreinaxx @mxnsxngie @reiheis @mellowmentalitydragon @vixensss

[valkyriexo]

Invasion of Privacy | Ep. 5 -Draw me like one of your French girls

ᑉ³SYNOPSIS; In the dazzling world of fame, you have it all—a beautiful home, devoted fans, and Chan, the love of your life. But when cryptic messages start arriving, the line between adoration and obsession blurs. With each note, you feel increasingly unsafe. Now, you're on a dangerous journey to uncover the truth before it's too late.

ᑉ³PAIRING; Chan x Idol! reader. Ft. Stray Kids

ᑉ³GENRE; Smau, FF , Angst, Hurt, Comfort, mystery

ᑉ³GENERAL WARNINGS ;Violence, Sasaeng (Stalker). Mentions of a knife, mentions of blood, Home invasion, cursing, Kissing, Pain, death, Implied female reader, Certain episodes may be Suggestive MDNI ᑉ³EPISODE WARNINGS;  Violence, Injuries, Blood, Pain, unconsciousness,

EPISODE WORD COUNT; 7.2K

AUTHOR'S NOTE ; a little Longer of a Chapter..

If you enjoyed this episode, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Whether it's through comments, reblogs, or sending an ask, your feedback means the world to me. Remember, none of this is real. It is a story. It is fiction. You can choose not to read it if it will make you uncomfortable.

Master Post | Teaser | Suspect Cards

STOP. THIS EPISODE CONTAINS THE ANSWERS TO THE GAME. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO PLAY BEFORE CONTINUING CLICK HERE.

The first puzzle appeared on the screen, and you, Chan, and Seungmin leaned in closer, each trying to get a better look.

"Cross out six letters and you'll find a word that we should know, This must be done in order." Chan read aloud.

You furrowed your brow, your gaze fixed on the tangled mess of letters displayed before you. With a thoughtful expression, you began to mull over the puzzle's challenge. "Let's see... if we remove six letters, what word could it form?"

"Nothing? There's no combination of words just by taking out six," Chan remarked, a hint of frustration creeping into his tone.

Seungmin nodded, his gaze still on the screen. "They wouldn't have specified 'SIX' spelled out like that. If they meant the number, they would've just written the number 6. Right?"

You pondered the arrangement of letters. "What if the instruction 'six letters' is a hint itself?" you proposed.

Seungmin's eyes lit up in recognition, his expression mirroring yours. "That's it! If we take out the letters 's', 'i', 'x', 'l', 'e', 't', 't', 'e', 'r', 's', we're left with........'important'," he exclaimed, a triumphant smile spreading across his face.

Excitedly, you double-checked his deductions, your eyes scanning the letters on the screen once more. When you found that Seungmin was indeed correct, you wasted no time in entering "important" into the text box. With a satisfying flash of green, the puzzle was solved.

"Great catch, Minnie," you praised.

The next puzzle appeared on the screen. it seemed to be a series of numbers: 0,3,4,5,8. 

You furrowed your brow, trying to make sense of the sequence, but before you could even start, Chan spoke up confidently, "This one's easy. It's a simple code."

You looked at him, intrigued. Chan's mind raced as he analyzed the clues. "4 is on 5's right, but not directly next to it, so that means 4 can't be the last digit, and 5 can't be the first."

Seungmin and you nodded, following his train of thought.

"Also, 0 and 5 keep a maximum distance," Chan continued, his eyes scanning the screen. "So, they're likely at the ends of the code."

"The 3 is between the two numbers that usually follow it, which means its in between 4 and 5." you added, trying to piece together the sequence. Chan's brows furrowed in concentration. "And the two digits on the right add up to the same number as the two digits on the left."

With practiced precision, Chan arranged the digits according to the given criteria. "The code is 53480," he declared confidently.

With a few taps on the keyboard, Chan quickly deciphered the code. "53480 translates to 'clues'," he announced, a satisfied grin spreading across his face.

You blinked in surprise, impressed by Chan's quick thinking. "That was amazing! How did you figure it out so fast?"

Chan shrugged modestly. "Just a knack for puzzles, I guess.... Let's enter 'clues' and see what happens."

Following Chan's lead, you entered "clues" into the text box, and sure enough, the screen flashed green, indicating that you had successfully cracked the code.

"Nice job, Chan!" Seungmin exclaimed, patting him on the back.

Chan's chest puffed out slightly, a hint of pride evident in his demeanor. He shot you a sideways glance, a playful twinkle in his eye. Unable to resist, you leaned in and planted a quick kiss on his cheek. Chan's cheeks flushed bright red, a mixture of surprise and delight spreading across his face.

The next puzzle appeared on the screen.

It wasn't a series of numbers or a cryptic code, but rather a poetic verse. You furrowed your brow, trying to make sense of the words.

"It seems like some sort of riddle or poem," you mused aloud.

Chan and Seungmin leaned in closer, reading the verse carefully. "But what does it mean?" Seungmin wondered.

"It feels like there's a hidden message here," Chan observed, his eyes scanning the lines intently.

You nodded in agreement, feeling a sense of frustration at the puzzle's ambiguity. "Let's break it down. Maybe there's a clue hidden within it."

Together, you dissected the verse, searching for patterns or hidden meanings. But despite your efforts, the true significance of the poem remained a mystery.

"We're missing something," you sighed, feeling a twinge of disappointment. With each passing moment, the answer seemed to slip further from your grasp.

"Wait a minute..." You glanced back at the screen, your eyes scanning the verse once more.

And then, it clicked.

"It's an acrostic," you exclaimed, excitement bubbling up inside you. "The first letter of each line spells out a word!"

Chan and Seungmin looked at you, puzzled at first, but then their eyes widened in understanding.

"H-I-D-E-S," Seungmin spelled out, realization dawning on his face.

"Exactly," you confirmed. "The answer is 'hides.'"

With a sense of accomplishment, you entered "hides" into the text box, and the screen flashed green, confirming your correct solution.

As the final puzzle materialized on the screen, the room fell into a hushed silence. The string of seemingly random letters stared back at you, taunting in its indecipherability.

"Looks.... like we have another code to crack," Chan remarked, his eyes narrowing in concentration.

You nodded, your mind already racing to decipher the hidden message within the jumble of letters.

"Bnmfqzstzshnmr..." you murmured, your lips moving silently as you attempted to decode the message. You paused, then couldn't help but chuckle. "Well, that's certainly a word… in some alien language, perhaps."

But despite your best efforts, the letters seemed to resist your attempts to unlock their meaning, the message remaining stubbornly cryptic.

"This is harder than I thought," Chan admitted, frustration creeping into his voice. 

You nodded in agreement, feeling a pang of disappointment. "Let's take a step back and look at it again. There must be a clue we're missing."

Seungmin sighed loudly and then quipped, "You know, if we had a Scrabble board handy, I bet we could score some serious points with this."

For what felt like an eternity, you and your friends wrestled with the puzzle, trying different approaches and strategies to crack its code. But each attempt seemed to lead to dead ends, leaving you no closer to unraveling its mystery.

Chan leaned in closer, his expression thoughtful. "There has to be a way to form words from this," he mused, his mind already working on potential combinations.

Seungmin chimed in, "Yeah but we shuffled the letters around and tried different combinations, and nothing makes sense."

But Chan shook his head, a spark of insight in his eyes. "What if we're approaching this the wrong way? Maybe we're not supposed to rearrange the letters, but instead, they mean something else altogether."

His suggestion gave you pause, prompting you to reconsider your approach to the puzzle. As you sat hunched over the puzzle, your fingers absentmindedly traced the delicate patterns of the bracelet wrapped around your wrist.

The bracelet adorning your wrist was an intricate design a mesmerizing tapestry of silver and sapphire. Delicate silver links intertwined with precision, forming a lattice-like pattern that shimmered in the soft glow of ambient light. At the center of each link nestled a small sapphire, its deep blue hue reminiscent of the ocean at twilight.

As the minutes ticked by, the tension in the room grew.

"Wait a minute," you exclaimed, a memory sparking in your head.

"Fetch!"

"I know I'm a puppy but I don't really feel like running right now." seungmin whined taking a sip of water from a glass.

"No. Not you Seungmin.... Fetch." you said again.

Chan looked at you quizzically. "All these letters translate to the word 'fetch'?"

"No. No. Fetch. The show," you replied.

"The kids show?"

"Yes."

Chan and Seungmin looked at you, their eyebrows raised in disbelief at the unexpected reference. It was as if you had suddenly suggested decoding the message using a recipe for chocolate cake.

"What?" Seungmin said incredulously. "How does a kids' show have anything to do with cracking codes?"

" Well there was this spy episode where they talked about how spies would communicate with each other."

Chan and Seungmin looked at you, intrigued by the sudden recollection.

"They would encode their messages using a specific key or pattern, so that only other spies code read it. Both sides would have the key to the code," you continued, the pieces slowly falling into place in your mind.

It was as if a light bulb had gone off in their heads, illuminating a path forward in the puzzle.

"A cipher" Seungmin said.

As the wheels of your mind spun in search of a solution, Seungmin's eyes widened. "Wait a moment," he said, reaching for his phone. With a few swift taps, he brought up an image of a cipher wheel on the screen.

"Look at this," he exclaimed, displaying the intricate design of the wheel to the group. "If we shift each letter by one place according to the wheel, it might reveal the true message."

Hope ignited within you as you examined the image, the simplicity of the concept striking you as a potential breakthrough. "That's perfect," you said. "Let's give it a try."

With Seungmin's phone serving as a guide, you and your friends set to work, shifting each letter forward in the alphabet. As you made the adjustments, the seemingly random string of letters began to take on new meaning.

With the screen now displaying the deciphered message, excitement filled the room as you all read the words:

"Congratulations! If you can read this, you have figured out that it is a cipher! Aren't you smart. The word is Member.'"

A collective sigh of relief and accomplishment swept through the group.

Chan eagerly stepped forward, confidently entering the password "Member" into the screen.

With bated breath, you awaited the response. And to your joy, the screen flashed green, confirming the correctness of your input. Excitement filled the room as you all realized that you had successfully cracked the code.

"We did it!" Chan exclaimed, a broad smile stretching across his face.

Seungmin chuckled, shaking his head in amazement. "I can't believe we actually cracked it."

But then, a new prompt appeared on the screen: "To find the Password, take all the words and put them in the correct order."

You exchanged puzzled glances with your friends. Taking a moment to gather your thoughts, you recalled each puzzle and the words associated with them: "important," "clues," "hides," and "Member."

With a mix of anticipation and caution, you entered the final code:

"Member hides important clues."

Anticipation hung thick in the air as you awaited the screen's response. Then, with a satisfying beep, the screen flashed green, indicating success.

The screen flickered for a moment, and then a new page loaded, revealing a chilling image accompanied by an address.

The image sent a shiver down your spine, its eerie composition and unsettling ambiance heightening your sense of unease. It depicted a dimly lit room, and in the center, a lone figure stood, their face obscured by darkness.

As you and your friends exchanged uneasy glances, the words below the image caught your attention.

"Come find me."

Beneath the message was an address, standing out against the ominous backdrop of the website. It beckoned you, and sent a chill down your spine.

What awaited you at the address?

Who had sent the messages, and why?

With your heart pounding in your chest, you knew that the journey was far from over. The address was a new clue, a new mystery waiting to be unraveled. And with determination burning within you, you knew that you had no choice but to heed the call and confront whatever awaited you at the designated location.

As the weight of the situation settled in, a tense silence enveloped the room. The address on the screen seemed to pulsate with a silent urgency.

You quickly pulled out your phone, fingers trembling as you typed the address into the search engine. The results were chilling—nothing but a desolate warehouse located on the outskirts of town, its exterior shrouded in darkness.

"Are we… are we actually going to go to that address?" you finally voiced the question that echoed in the minds of all three of you.

Chan's expression darkened with concern. "Absolutely not. This is not safe," he asserted firmly, his voice laced with urgency.

But despite his warning, a sense of determination welled up within you. The need to confront the source of the messages, to uncover the truth that had eluded you for so long, burned within your chest.

"I have to go," you declared, your voice resolute as you met Chan's gaze head-on. "I need to know who's behind this, and why they've been sending these messages."

Seungmin nodded in understanding, his expression mirroring your resolve. "You can't go alone," he stated firmly, his eyes meeting yours. "If your going, I'll go with you."

Chan's features hardened, his concern palpable. "No, absolutely not," he repeated, his voice stern. "I won't let you put yourselves in danger."

As Chan's insistence rang through the room, you felt a surge of frustration mingling with your determination. His concern was understandable, but you couldn't shake the feeling that you were on the brink of uncovering something significant.

"Chan, I appreciate your concern, I really do," you began, your voice steady but with urgency. "But we can't just ignore this. We need to follow this lead, find out what's going on."

Chan's jaw tightened, his gaze unwavering. "I understand that you want answers, but this is too risky. We don't know what we're walking into," he argued.

"But we won't find out unless we go," Seungmin interjected. "And Y/N's right. We can't just sit back and let this mystery go unsolved."

The tension in the room escalated as Chan's frustration became palpable. His brows furrowed, and his jaw clenched as he struggled to contain his rising anger.

"Seungmin, this is not up for debate," Chan snapped, his tone sharp with frustration. "I said no, and no means no."

But you couldn't let his resolve deter you from your mission. The need to unravel the mystery gnawed at you, driving you forward despite the risks.

"Chan, please," you pleaded, your voice soft but insistent. "I understand your concerns, but we can't turn back now. We have to see this through."

Seungmin nodded in agreement, his expression unwavering. "We'll be careful, Chan. But we have to do this."

"We're not doing this," Chan declared firmly, his voice leaving no room for argument. "You'd put yourselves in danger."

"But Chan, I'm already in danger," you countered. "Ignoring this won't make it go away."

For a moment, Chan's gaze softened, his features betraying a flicker of uncertainty. But then, with a heavy sigh, he shook his head, his resolve hardening once more.

"I can't let you do this," he stated firmly, his voice tinged with resignation. "I won't."

With a heavy sigh, Chan's frustration reached its peak. Without a word, he strode over to the computer, his movements tense and purposeful. With a swift motion, he slammed the laptop shut, cutting off the ominous glow of the screen.

With frustration boiling within you, you couldn't contain the anger that surged to the surface.

"Chan, you don't get it!" you exclaimed, your voice laced with agitation. "I'm tired of sitting back and waiting for things to happen. I need answers, and I'm not going to just let this slide."

But Chan remained unmoved, his expression stubborn and unyielding. "I understand that you're scared," he responded, his voice strained with frustration. "But rushing into this blindly is not the answer!"

"I've had enough of waiting and planning," you declared, your voice trembling with righteous anger. "I'm done playing it safe while someone out there is toying with me." His words only fueled your anger, igniting a fire within you that refused to be extinguished.

"I'm not asking for your permission," you continued sharply. "I'm going, with or without your support."

With resolve burning fiercely within you, you stormed away from Chan, determined to take matters into your own hands.

As you made your way to your room, frustration and determination mingled within you, fighting for dominance. With trembling fingers, you pulled out your phone and hastily composed a message to your bodyguard. Anger simmered beneath the surface, threatening to spill over as you fought back tears of frustration.

You told him to meet you at the house ASAP.

You hit send before second-guessing yourself, the urgency of the situation propelling you forward. As you waited for his response, the minutes stretched into an agonizing eternity, each passing second amplifying the tension that hung heavy in the air.

Finally, a notification chimed on your phone, and you breathed a sigh of relief as you read his response. "On my way," it read, accompanied by a reassuring emoji.

You hastily gathered the essentials: a flashlight, water, an extra phone battery pack, and anything else you thought might come in handy.

You hesitated, torn between your determination to move forward and the lingering sense of guilt at leaving Chan behind. But as he entered the room, you knew that you couldn't leave without at least attempting to persuade him to join you.

"Chan, I'm going whether you come with me or not," you stated firmly, your voice steady. "But I'd feel better knowing you're by my side."

Chan's gaze softened, his features etched with worry. "Y/N, this is dangerous," he protested, his voice pleading. "I can't let you go alone."

You took a step forward, closing the distance between you, and placed a hand on his arm. "Then don't," you urged, your voice gentle yet determined. "Come with me."

As Chan's hesitation lingered, his eyes searched yours for reassurance amidst the tense atmosphere of the room. You held your breath, the weight of the moment hanging heavy in the air, hoping fervently that he would agree to accompany you.

Finally, with a resigned sigh, Chan nodded, his decision apparent in the reluctant tilt of his head. "Alright," he conceded, his voice carrying the weight of his reluctance. "But on one condition."

Your heart skipped a beat, anticipation coiling within you as you waited for him to speak.

"You stay by my side at all times. If I can't touch you, you're too far," Chan insisted. His hand reached out, gently grasping yours. "If things get too dangerous, we turn back. I'm not leaving there without you in one piece. You hear me?"

You nod, unable to form any words.

"Y/n.. If anything happens to you..." His words faltered, the weight of his love filling the air. It was as if every syllable carried the weight of his fears, his heart laid bare before you.

His voice trembled as he fought to express the depth of his feelings. He paused, his gaze locking with yours, his eyes filled with an intensity that took your breath away. "I need you to understand, Y/N," he continued, "I love you more than anything in this world. I cant lose you.... Please."

With a solemn nod, you conveyed your understanding and acceptance of his words, your heart swelling with gratitude and love. "I love you too, Chan," you whispered, your voice barely above a breath but carrying the weight of your sincerity.

Without a word, he reached out, his hand gently cupping your cheek as he leaned in, pressing his lips against yours.

In that moment, the world seemed to fade away, leaving only the warmth of his lips against yours.

Just then, the sound of footsteps approaching broke the spell, and you turned to see your bodyguard leaning in the doorway.

Adam's muscular frame was outlined by the soft glow of the hallway lights. He wore a fitted black suit, the fabric stretched taut over his powerful physique, thanks to years of training and discipline. Despite the seriousness of the situation, you saw reassurance in his eyes, a silent promise to protect you with every ounce of his strength.

Adam, spoke, his deep voice resonated with a calm authority.

"Sorry to interrupt. Everything okay?" he inquired, as he took in the scene before him.

You and Chan exchanged a brief glance.

"We're heading out," you replied, your voice steady. "There's something we need to investigate."

Adam nodded, his expression serious but unchanging. "I'll be right behind you," he stated firmly, his commitment to your safety evident in every word.

As you turned to leave, you noticed Seungmin waiting nervously nearby.

"Seungmin, are you sure you want to come with us?" you asked. He nodded firmly, his eyes meeting yours.

With a grateful smile, you nodded in acknowledgment of his loyalty.

As the group prepared and gathered by the doorway, you filled in Adam on the details of what had happened.

"We need to consider who else we can trust," Adam suggested, his voice full of concern.

"I know it can't be Jeongin. He was with me when we first encountered the stalker an-"

Just then, there was a knock at the door, interrupting your conversation. You exchanged wary glances with the boys, none of you expecting any visitors at this late hour.

Felix stood on the doorstep, his brow furrowed in confusion as he took in the four faces staring back at him. "Did I leave my Switch here...." he asked, his voice trailing off. The dim light from the hallway cast shadows across his features, accentuating the lines of concern etched into his expression.

Felix's confusion deepened as he surveyed the group, dressed in dark clothing. His eyes darted from one person to another, searching for an explanation to the unexpected sight before him.

"Where are you all going?" he asked, his voice tinged with surprise and apprehension. His gaze lingered, silently pleading for an answer. You exchanged a quick glance with Chan and Seungmin, unsure of how much to reveal to Felix. 

But before you could respond, Felix spoke, his expression turned serious. "Look, I don't know what's going on, but it's clear that something's not right," he stated, his voice firm but compassionate. "And whatever it is, I want to help."

His words caught you off guard. You knew that bringing Felix along would add an extra layer of risk to your already risky mission.

"It's okay, Felix. We'll be back soon," you say, trying to navigate past him, but he remains unmoved, his gaze fixed on the group with determination.

"Uh, it's not really a trip to the store, Felix," you began again cautiously, trying to find the right words without revealing too much.

Felix's brow furrowed in confusion, his expression betraying his growing curiosity. "Then where are you guys going?" he pressed. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, an impatient energy radiating from him.

Chan hesitated, clearly grappling with how much to disclose. "It's... it's a bit complicated," he replied vaguely, his words failing to mask the unease in his voice.

But Felix wasn't about to let it go. "Complicated how?" he persisted, taking a step closer to the group, his curiosity piqued.

You realized that avoiding Felix's questions would only make things more suspicious.

"Felix, it's not something we can really explain right now," you finally admitted reluctantly. "But trust us, it's not something you want to get involved in."

But Felix remained resolute. "I don't care," he asserted firmly. " I'm going."

You exchanged a helpless glance with Chan and Seungmin, realizing that Felix was determined to accompany you, regardless of the risks involved. With a heavy sigh, you nodded in reluctant agreement.

"Fine, but stay close," you insisted. "And follow our lead."

Felix nodded eagerly, his expression filled with determination. "Got it," he replied, his voice brimming with conviction. "Let's go."

With Felix now added to the group, you all piled into the car. Felix sat in the backseat, his bright yellow shirt standing out like a light against the darkness of the night.

"You're too bright," you remarked, handing him a black hoodie from the backseat. "We don't want to draw unnecessary attention."

Felix nodded in understanding, slipping on the hoodie . As he zipped it up, his expression mirrored yours, a reflection of the seriousness of the task ahead.

With one last glance exchanged between you and your friends, the car pulled out of the driveway. The road stretched out before you, winding its way through the darkness like a path into the heart of the mystery that awaited you at the address you'd been given.

As the car came to a stop in front of the warehouse, a sense of apprehension settled over the group. The imposing structure loomed before you, its darkened windows and looming shadows creating an eerie atmosphere. The gravel crunched under the tires as the engine cut out, leaving an eerie silence in its wake.

Felix, ever the inquisitive one, couldn't seem to contain his curiosity. "So, what exactly are we doing here?" he asked, his voice filled with what sounded like excitement and fear.

The group, ignoring his question, stepped out of the car. The gravel crunched beneath their feet as they shut the doors with a bang.

Felix, sensing the gravity of the situation, followed suit, his curiosity still burning brightly despite the lack of response to his questions. With a determined stride, he joined the others, his gaze fixed on the structure before you. Unable to contain his curiosity, he piped up again, "Guys, seriously, what's going on? Why are we here?"

Chan shot him a withering look, his patience wearing thin. "Can you please just shut up for a minute?" he snapped, the tension of the situation beginning to take its toll.

Felix recoiled slightly, stung by the harshness of Chan's words. 

"We need to figure out how to get in," you interjected, redirecting the conversation away from confrontation. "Let's focus on that for now."

After a moment of scanning the building, its weathered exterior hinted at years of neglect, with broken windows and faded paint, Seungmin spotted a side door slightly ajar. "Over there," he whispered, gesturing towards the entrance.

"Let's go," you said, your voice low but determined. Chan stayed close, his presence reassuring you in the darkness. You felt the weight of his hand on your back, a silent gesture of protection. The rusted hinges creaked softly as Adam opened the door, as if protesting the intrusion.

"Stay close," Chan murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. With cautious steps, you all slipped inside, the darkness of the warehouse enveloping you.

The interior was dimly lit, the faint glow of distant lights casting long shadows across the floor. You moved forward slowly, your senses on high alert as you navigated the labyrinth corridors of the abandoned building.

As you ventured further into the warehouse, the darkness seemed to press in around you, suffocating in its intensity. But just as the shadows threatened to overwhelm you, the lights flickered to life, illuminating the interior with a harsh fluorescent glow.

For a moment, you were blinded by the sudden brightness, blinking against the glare as your eyes adjusted to the light. And then, as the scene before you came into focus, a gasp escaped your lips, a sharp intake of breath that caught in your throat.

It was a chilling sight that greeted you, a scene straight out of a nightmare. The walls were adorned with photographs and drawings, a chaotic collage of images that seemed to stretch on endlessly. 

There were photographs of you, hundreds of them, each one capturing a different moment in time. Some were innocent snapshots, while others were more sinister, taken from a distance or in secret. And interspersed among the photographs, were drawings, sketches that depicted you in various poses, some eerily lifelike, others distorted and grotesque.

But it wasn't just the images that sent a chill down your spine.

Scattered around were pieces of clothing, personal belongings that had gone missing over the past few weeks.

And in the center of it all was a single photograph, larger than the rest, framed in a gaudy gold frame.

As you stood frozen in shock, your eyes fixated on the central photograph framed in gold, a shiver ran down your spine. It depicted a moment of triumph, frozen in time. You, standing on stage, holding the award for Artist of the Year.

You stumbled backwards, your legs threatening to give out beneath you as the full weight of the situation crashed down upon you. This was no ordinary warehouse. It was a shrine, a twisted homage to your darkest fears and deepest secrets, and you were standing right in the heart of it.

Chan's strong arms wrapped around you in a protective embrace, steadying you as you stumbled backward.

With trembling hands, the world spun dizzily around you as you struggled to make sense of the nightmare unfolding before your eyes. But deep down, you knew that there was no rational explanation for what you were seeing. This was the work of a madman, a predator lurking in the shadows, waiting to strike.

 "What the hell is all this?" Felix exclaimed, his eyes darting around the room in bewilderment.

Seungmin's gaze flickered to the surroundings, taking in the eerie display with a mixture of dread and fascination. "It's like some kind of twisted shrine," he remarked. Felix's eyes widened in horror as he processed Seungmin's words, the gravity of the situation sinking in.

"Who would do something like this?" Adam murmured, his voice barely audible over the pounding of your heart.

You shook your head. "I don't know," you admitted, your voice trembling with fear and uncertainty.

As if drawn by an invisible force, the five of you stepped closer to examine the items scattered around the room. In the photographs and drawings, there were poloroid images of you with all the boys, your manager Zayne, and even your bodyguard Adam. Each picture was a secret snapshot, taken without your knowledge or consent.

Among the photographs and personal belongings, you noticed familiar items that didn't belong to you alone. Some were pieces of clothing worn by the boys, and others were personal effects that belonged to them.

"This is sick," Chan muttered, his eyes widening in horror as he took in the disturbing collection. "Wait.... these are Han's shoes," he exclaimed, pointing to a pair of sneakers tucked away in the corner. As he leaned closer, the intricate designs drawn on the shoes became clearer—Hyunjin's distinctive style evident in every stroke. "Hyunjin drew on them for him, remember?" he added, as he glanced at you for confirmation.

Seungmin's brows furrowed in concern as he surveyed the scene. "And those are Changbin's headphones," he noted, his voice barely above a whisper.

You felt a chill run down your spine as the realization sank in. Whoever had orchestrated this twisted shrine wasn't just fixated on you—they had been watching all of you, collecting pieces of your lives like trophies.

And then, as you continued to sift through the evidence, Felix's sharp intake of breath caught your attention. His eyes were fixed on a small camera lying among the other items, its sleek black exterior gleaming dully in the dim light.

With trembling hands, you picked up the camera, its weight heavy with the weight of its implications. The sleek black surface was marked with a small detail that made your heart sink:

HH initials engraved discreetly on the side.

Felix's eyes widened in recognition. "Wait... this is Hyunjin's camera," he exclaimed, his voice trembling with disbelief.

You froze, your heart skipping a beat as Felix's words sank in. Hyunjin had mentioned misplacing his camera not too long ago, but to find it here, in the heart of this twisted shrine, was beyond unsettling.

Seungmin's brows furrowed in concern as he reached out to inspect the camera. "But how did Hyunjin's camera end up here?" he questioned.

Felix shook his head, his expression a mix of confusion and alarm. "I don't know, but… look at it," he urged, pointing to the camera's worn exterior. "It's like it's been through a lot… and the photos…" He carefully picked up a photograph, holding it up to the dim light. The image, a faded Polaroid, matched the type that Hyunjin's camera would produce.

"T-They match." he stuttered.

Your stomach churned with dread as you noticed the telltale signs of wear and tear on the camera. It looked like it had been used extensively, as if it had been the one responsible for capturing the hundreds of photographs that adorned the walls of the shrine.

As you mulled over Felix's revelation, Chan's voice broke the heavy silence. " There's drawing's too," he added, his tone grim as he gestured towards a pile of sketches nearby.

You put the camera down and approached the pile of sketches, your heart pounding in your chest. As you sifted through them, you couldn't shake the feeling of unease that settled over you. The drawings were indeed different, varying in style and execution, almost as if they had been created by two different artists or personalities. Chan picked up one of the sketches, observing it silently.

"Who else can draw like this?" he pointed out after a while, his tone grave. The style was unmistakable—it bore a striking resemblance to Hyunjin's artwork, the same attention to detail and fluid lines that he had meticulously honed over the years.

A knot formed in your stomach as you considered the implications. Hyunjin, your friend and confidant, had always been a pillar of support and kindness. But could he be capable of something so sinister?

Seungmin's expression darkened as he processed the possibility. "It doesn't make sense," he murmured, his voice tinged with disbelief. "Hyunjin wouldn't... he couldn't..."

The realization hit you like a punch to the gut, leaving you feeling sick and unsteady on your feet. Hyunjin, your friend and confidant, had always been a pillar of support and kindness. The thought of him being capable of such a sinister act was almost too much to bear.

As the conversation unfolded, your eyes flicked nervously around the dimly lit surroundings. Suddenly, a movement caught your attention—a figure standing atop the railing, shrouded in darkness and clad in all-black attire, their face concealed by a mask.

Your heart leaped into your throat as you caught sight of the mysterious figure, their presence sending a jolt of fear coursing through your veins. Seungmin and Felix followed your gaze, their expressions turning to shock as they spotted the figure.

"Who… who's that?" Felix whispered, his voice barely above a horrified murmur.

Chan's grip tightened on your arm, his expression grim as he took in the sight before him. "I don't know," he admitted, his voice tense with apprehension. "But we need to get out of here, now."

Your breath caught in your throat as you locked eyes with the mysterious intruder. Yet, before you could react, Seungmin's darted towards the railing where the shadowy figure had been perched just moments before, his footsteps echoing off the cold, hard surfaces as he ascended the stairs.

"Seungmin, wait!" Chan called out, his voice ringing with urgency as he reached out towards his friend. "Get back here!"

The figure, sensing Seungmin's pursuit, sprang into action, leaping off the railing and onto the platform below. As they landed gracefully, they wasted no time in breaking into a swift sprint down another flight of stairs and out the door.

You were torn between the impulse to follow Seungmin and the instinct to stay rooted to the spot, paralyzed by the surreal turn of events. As Seungmin surged forward, his voice rang out in the night, sharp and commanding. "Stop! Come back here!" he shouted, his words echoing off the walls of the deserted alley. But the figure showed no signs of slowing down, their pace unyielding.

As the figure dashed away, Seungmin in hot pursuit and Chan torn between following him and ensuring your safety, Adam leaped into action. With a swift motion, he bolted after Seungmin, his muscular frame disappearing into the darkness outside.

With Adam gone, Chan's attention snapped back to you, his grip on your arm tightening even further. "We need to go," he said urgently, his voice strained with worry. "Now."

As the tension mounted and the urgency to leave intensified, Felix remained steadfast, his phone in hand, capturing every detail of the eerie scene with precision. With each click of the shutter, he immortalized the chilling evidence before you.

"Felix, let's go!" Chan called out, his voice edged with urgency as he urged everyone to leave the warehouse behind.

"We can't leave without this evidence," Felix insisted.

Chan's patience wore thin, and he shot Felix a stern glare, his expression conveying a sense of urgency that left no room for argument. Felix, momentarily taken aback by the intensity of Chan's stare, quickly backtracked.

"Okay, let's go," Felix conceded, his voice tinged with a hint of apprehension as he hastened to join the group. With Felix now at his side, Chan led you out of the warehouse through the same door you came from.

As you made your way to the car, the adrenaline coursed through your veins drowning out the sounds of your footsteps, your heart pounding in your ears.

Outside, the cool night air offered a welcome reprieve from the stifling atmosphere of the warehouse. You breathed deeply, trying to calm yourself as you leaned against the cold metal of the building's exterior.

But even as you tried to push aside the unsettling thoughts that gnawed at your mind, one thing was clear:

the nightmare was far from over.

And until you uncovered the truth behind the twisted shrine and the person responsible for it, you wouldn't rest easy.

In the dim light of the alleyway, you could only catch a faint glimpse of Seungmin in the distance, grappling with the shadowy figure. Your breath caught in your throat as you watched Seungmin's valiant attempt to apprehend the intruder. For a fleeting moment, it seemed as though he had gained the upper hand, his fingers closing around the figure's arm in a desperate bid to restrain them.

But then, in an instant, everything changed.

The figure, desperate to break free, lashed out with surprising strength, delivering a powerful kick that sent Seungmin staggering backwards. With a sickening thud, he collided with the side of the building, his head striking against the unforgiving surface.

A gasp escaped your lips as you watched in horror, the scene unfolding before you in slow motion. Panic surged through you as Seungmin crumpled to the ground, his body limp and motionless.

Seconds later Adam appeared, racing to Seungmin's side with lightning speed. With practiced precision, he assessed the situation, his hands moving swiftly to check for signs of injury.

"Seungmin!" Chan's voice pierced the silence, his tone laced with urgency as he sprinted towards them, his footsteps echoing in the alleyway. His command compelled the rest of you to follow suit, each step heavy with dread and apprehension.

With every passing moment, the weight of the situation bore down on you, the reality of the danger you faced becoming all too real. As you all reached Seungmin's side, Chan knelt beside him.

"Seungmin, can you hear me?" Adam's voice was urgent as he gently cradled Seungmin's head in his hands.

But there was no response, only the haunting silence of the night, broken only by the distant sound of footsteps echoing in the darkness. Adam carefully examined Seungmin.

"He's alive. He's.......He's breathing, but he's bleeding."

"We need to get him to a hospital," Chan declared, his voice steady despite the panic that you all were feeling.

With Adam's assistance, Chan carefully lifted Seungmin's limp form, supporting him as you all made your way back to the car. Each step feeling like an eternity.

You quickly formulated a course of action, mapping out the fastest route to the nearest hospital.

As the car sped through the darkened streets, the urgency of the situation hung heavy in the air. With each passing moment, Seungmin's condition seemed to weigh on you more heavily.

Together, you navigated the twists and turns of the city, your eyes fixed on your friend as you raced against time to save him. And as the lights of the hospital came into view, you felt a surge of hope, knowing that help was finally within reach.

As you rushed Seungmin into the emergency room, the hospital staff sprang into action, whisking him away for immediate treatment. Your heart pounded with fear and anxiety as you watched them disappear behind the swinging doors, leaving you feeling helpless and alone in the sterile corridor.

As you waited anxiously for news of Seungmin's condition, your phone buzzed with a new message. With trembling hands, you unlocked your phone to find a text from the Unknown number that had been haunting you.

The ominous words sent a chill down your spine, a reminder of the danger that lurked in the shadows. Whoever was behind this was playing a dangerous game, and you were caught in the middle of it.

ઇଓ EP.6 - To be or not to be

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[aokozaki]

The whole "Ragnarok spell check 'corrected' to Kangaroo" translation mistake is a classic and all, but there's another similar example of an all time classic editing error worth talking about.

The Visual Novel Ever17 ~ The Out of Infinity features two protagonists observing the same events, as a group of people gets trapped in an underwater theme park.

(It's by writers who'd go on to make Zero Escape or Root Double, and much of the rest of the team went on to do the Science Adventure series at MAGES.

To a modern audience, Ever17 might seem really slowly paced and meandering, but that's because the Infinity Series it's a part of shows a fascinating transition from "romance VN with sci-fi elements" to "straight sci-fi VN", an important stepping stone for the genre.

Ever17 is slow, but the true ending picks up the pace as it interrogates all the lingering threads from the character endings. Anyway...)

One of the two protagonists is a young boy with amnesia, who doesn't even remember his own name. One scene early on both routes has the gang decide to give him a name, for convenience, suggesting several names from previous protagonists of VNs from the same developer, as a little easter egg.

None of them stick, and so the group collectively shrug and decide to just call him "shounen".

Now, E17's translation was a bit of a rush job, with the translator not having enough time for a proper level of polish and care (lines like "naturally I knows the hacker" come to mind), and this lead to a hastily done case of find-and-replace making its way into the released version.

We know that in an earlier draft of the translation, "shounen" was translated as "youth". This both reads a little weirdly in English and missed the intended punchline. Thankfully, before release, they spotted it:

They try the names of several previous protagonists of the developer's VNs, before shrugging and going with "shounen".

Ever17 was developed by Kindle Imagine Develop, or KID for short, so the joke is they should be calling him "kid". Like, y'know, "hey kid", or whatever. With limited time, the translator found "youth" and replaced it with "kid". There, all done, that shouldn't cause any problems.

The find and replace tool used for this game somehow didn't take spaces into account.

Lines like "what do you think?" become "what do kidink?" Phenomenal.

[cissa-calls]

Foreword to Agatha All Along

After years of waiting, tomorrow witches, marks the anticipated start to Agatha All Along! But, before the first two episodes stream, it's time to take one last crack at discussing some possible theories (and hopes) for the series:

Akin to how Wandavision was an exploration of American Television sitcoms, this series is partially an exploration of depictions of witchcraft and referential to horror in pop culture (the Witched Witch and Glinda from the Wizard of Oz).

Is Rio dead? How does she seem to emerge from the ground on the side of the witches road? Did she and Agatha try to walk it long ago, and Rio perished, thus she is now trapped there forever?

At some point, Agatha will end up alone. She will be walking alone because either everyone has died, or those remaining leave. This however will not be indefinite.

Conversely, it could also recall the beginning when it was just her and the teen, but just the two of them make it out.

I keep thinking of that scene with her and the teen in the metal room, where they both appear to be in patient gowns. Are they in facilities at S.W.O.R.D.? Is the teen crying because Agatha is making him walk through memories and realize his identity?

Agatha's knowledge of the road is either from the Darkhold or what Evanora taught (or rather tried to keep from her daughter).

As a green witch, Rio is connected to plants. Her costume quite literally looks like vines and roots growing are forming the bodice. Are plants relevant in the sense of bloom and regeneration? Or rather decay and withering?

Using, dismantling, subverting, or cannonizing of symbols or tools of witchcraft. From kitschy to terrifying.

The hooded figures who appear in front of the teen, is there one for each member of the coven? Is it a haunted form of themselves, or a twisted appartion assigned to capture each?

Part of this story is found family, and Agatha's fear of comraderie. Built off a lifetime of distrust, backstabbing, and taking, Agatha has to learn to trust. In a similar vein, Agatha has no sense of comfort or home.

The scene where Agatha's face is covered in small cuts or splatters of blood. Either that is the cataylst to a glorifying rise near the end of the show, or a horrifying turn of seemingly irredemtion.

Rio was once Agatha's companion, her only companion. A betrayal between the two sent Agatha into permanent solitude.

I sincerely hope this show explores horror and gives into the darkness that Multiverse of Madness teased. Comic relief is a needed presence, but the tone is overall geared towards darker themes and storylines

Speaking of darkness - night! The majority of this series will take place at night! At least the juicy and important scenes.

DOES AGATHA POSSESS THE DARKHOLD AGAIN OR WAS ITS APPEARANCE IN A FLASHBACK

When Agatha was young and on the run, she was targeted for possessing the Darkhold.

Rio and Agatha...history may call them the best of friends.

The Ballad of the Witche's Road might be sung in several versions/genre's (we've already heard two)

More lyrics of the ballad will be revealed and sung as the story progresses.

The Witches Road may be terrible, but it is a unifying force as it welcomes everyone. Remember the lyrics: "Seekest thou the road, all that's foul and fair," the road is a living thing, inviting everyone but casting judgement on those who can achieve

I will cry at some point. I am certain this will break me just as Wandavision broke me.

The glowing tree in the middle of the Witch's Road has something hidden beneath and growing within the roots. (Is it the heart of the Road, because it is a living legend?)

Each of the witches will have to confront their greatest fears manifested as scenes, memories, or landscapes of their personal hells. Only when they begin to trust each other or confront/admit their weakness can their proceed. Agatha would obviously have the final and hardest challenge.

Without her magic, such a core tenant of her identity and confidence, Agatha will be even more combatative and threatening (borne entirely out of insecurity).

Agatha's cameo, and the lock of hair in it, is a reminder of her humanity and connection.

At some point, Agatha will break, spilling out centuries worth of every held back, messy emotion (and Kathryn Hahn will SERVE).

Perhaps it is based on the obvious Eve allegory, but there will be more biblical allegories or subversions. Is Agatha being born anew?

Teen and Señor Scratchy bond. It is likely a trauma bond. (The rabbit may also gain a more horrifying form or eat an entire monster/adversary)

Elaborate outfit reveal. ELABORATE FINALE COSTUME OUTFIT REVEAL! AGATHA ACHIEVES ENLIGHTMENT AND HER MOST POWERFUL FORM WHEN SHE FINALLY RECLAIMS HER MAGIC...possibly foiling Wanda when she became the Scarlet Witch.

This is not an exhaustive list, but it will be interesting to compare these ideas to how the show actually plays out. In all of this excitement, there is still a touch of trepidation. After pouring so much love into counting down the days to release and yielding art, writing, research, and costumes for this character, Agatha has remained a fun force of exploration and expression for me. However, the excitement over seeing where Kathryn Hahn takes the character next assuages any and all fears, as we finally will confront who exactly Agatha was all along.

Get ready witches, it's time to walk the road.

[lacerta123]

The Twelve Kingdoms is one of those animes that deserves more love. Sure, it’s ugly by todays standards, but it has some of the best world and character building I’ve ever seen. The isekai genre usually uses its premise to seamlessly introduce the audience to its fantasy world. The protagonist doesn’t know anything, so the audience can learn the ropes alongside them, seeing through their eyes. The Twelve Kingdoms, on the other hand, wants a rocky, painful introduction to its world. Yoko is hurled into the world with no explanations, where she is a part of a hated underclass and being actively hunted by the highest power in the land. The show goes to great lengths to stick you in her shoes. Not short of making a whole conlang, so that you feel just as confused as she does. No kidding, when I was first watching Twelve Kingdoms I thought that the sub I was using was just not translating some Japanese words, expecting me to be weeb enough to get it. But no. Those are words for concepts that can’t be translated into Japanese by Yoko’s innate knowledge of the new language (and were never meant to be understood by the audience, or Yoko.) In addition to the conlang confusion, the show goes out of its way to explain nothing. Why is Yoko the chosen one, and for what is she chosen? Why are they being attacked, and by who? Who was that white haired guy who swore fealty to her and what does he want? Why does he turn into a unicorn, get blood dumped on him, and then get kidnapped? Actually, that whole scene where Keiki gets kidnapped would make a lot more sense if it was a flashback later on in the show. Yoko doesn’t even see that event- it’s presented in its chronological place solely to be a confusing wtf moment. All of this confusion works together to make you, the audience, empathize with how scared and out of place Yoko feels. The girl can’t even feel safe in her own body- she gets genetically rewritten, can speak a new language, and has a goo monster living in her now. She doesn’t get an explanation as to why any of this is happening and it’s painful.

It’s important for the show to make you empathize with Yoko, because she’s not going to be doing any “likeable character” work for a little bit. She starts out as a very weak person, who’s thrust into a leadership role by virtue of being the only one who can speak the language, and she does a terrible job. Her friend group dissolves into infighting. She’s too limp wristed to make good decisions. And she ends up alone. The series explores how her upbringing surrounded by sexism has damaged her. Her self image is that of being a good woman, a good girl who doesn’t hurt others. But when she learns her friend genuinely hates her, that she has hurt them, that self image is shattered. Betrayal after betrayal by the world, and Yoko accepts that hurting people is the only way to get by. And if she can’t be that acceptable good woman, then the world has no place for her, and she doesn’t owe it anything either. She has no confidence that she is strong enough in her own identity to exist outside of acceptable womanhood. So she stops being acceptable all together. She gives up on learning anything new, gives up on learning with the world, and resorts to violence to force her way. The series throws you and Yoko down into this hellish world so that it can break Yoko down to her lowest point.

So Twelve kingdoms is a confusing show with an unlikable protagonist, you may be thinking? Why do you want me to watch this? Because the payoff is wonderful. Do you remember Rising of the Shield Hero? Yoko’s like the Shield Hero, but the betrayal that makes her give up on society is xenophobia from that society. And the solution to resolve her disillusionment is receiving kindness and grace from a denizen of the new world who is equally disenfranchised. So Twelve Kingdoms is Shield Hero, if it was actually good. Yoko gets reminded of her common humanity, and slowly comes out of her funk. She starts learning about the world again and realizes that there is a way out of her current predicament- she can escape to a country that’s less racist. She begins to feel genuinely thankful for the people who have gotten her this far. She draws a line of acceptability for herself, that she won’t cross for her own sake. This show lets you watch Yoko become a person. She decides that even though she doesn’t know why she’s here, she values herself and the people around her, and that’s enough to live with purpose. It’s a really good character arc, and it reminds me of one of my all time favorites, Yona of the Dawn.

Once Yoko gets to this level of confidence, she becomes ready to learn. And finally, the show teaches you the conlang. It’s so satisfying to be able to understand what has happened up till now in retrospect. You even learn what happened with that weird guy who turned into a unicorn and got kidnapped. The chaos of the first episode gets reframed into an unfortunate event in history, brought about by subterfuge and political intrigue. And that’s how the rest of the story is framed too. The Twelve Kingdoms is a historical record of what happens within the twelve kingdoms, and Yoko, though she didn’t know it at first, is now a player on the historical stage. The series won’t focus on her so closely from here on out. It instead examines other historical events and characters that surround her. She is no longer the protagonist, instead the Twelve Kingdoms themselves are. Is this a plot twist? Whatever it is, there is only one word that I can describe it with, and that is “grand.” Every heart wrenching struggle Yoko delt with up till now could be summed up with no more than a single sentence in the tombs of history. And The Twelve Kingdoms is history, with all the vastness it entails. If worldbuilding is the art of making a world feel big, then there can be no finer examples than the Twelve Kingdoms.

[bengiyo]

Hi Ben!

I saw Vee from You're My Sky in your most misunderstood characters list and now I'm curious, what's your opinion on this series as a whole? Gifs tell me that it has a high production value, great cinematography and Suar in it, so I'm quite tempted to give it a go. But it's rarely talked about so... is it really worth a watch?

I love You're My Sky because it was the first show to follow in the wake of I Told Sunset About You and try to bring rich color, engaging cinematography, and and structured presentation of character dynamics after ITSAY. It's also a sports BL that takes its sports portion super seriously. It's also the show you should watch if you like when the younger guy is pursuing the older guy, because that's true for all three couples.

The show has three couples in it, and I really liked how the show kept all three couples at about the same moment emotionally throughout the entire runtime. It meant that we sometimes wouldn't see one of the side couples for a while, but I much prefer that to having the couples be in really different places and throw off the emotional tone of an episode.

Our primary pairing is between Thorn and Tupfah. They are childhood friends. Thorn followed Tupfah to his college after a few years and was confused why Tupfah no longer plays basketball. Theirs is a friends-to-lovers story where Thorn has been pining for a long time.

This show let us also see them spend time as a couple and face real complications that a couple of two aspiring professional athletes would face, including availability for college practice and potentially ending up with different clubs. There's also a great deal of examination of the kinds of coaching environments athletes might suffer or thrive under.

The second couple, Saen and Aii, aren't a sports couple, but Aii is older and graduating. He's focused on leaving Thailand and pursuing a professional career in Japan. In them you get a determined, sociable younger pursuer and a standoffish older interest.

I really liked where they went with this couple because we got to see a grandmother giving a knowing smirk when she enters the bedroom after their first night together, and we see them deal with the impending stress of being in a long-distance relationship for likely years.

I wrote about Vee in the ask you mentioned, but to reiterate, Vee is assigned to work with his sister's boyfriend on the track team. Vee, being the flirty little shit he is, teases Dome and is having a good time until it gets way too serious for both of them and he's having a panic attack in the middle of a race.

Their story is compelling because it doesn't end in success on screen. The social politics of their attraction make it impossible for them to consummate this romance under the current circumstances, and the show explores how this choice impacted the sister as well.

And then there's the basketball! This show does so much cool shit with the camera and the frame around the basketball itself. It also has a robust supporting cast in the basketball team. There's a beautiful scene of the whole team giving space to Thorn and Fah to figure out something important, and there's another lovely scene where they talk about gender identity.

Truly, as a man who enjoys sports and sports dramas, they did not fuck around when it came to doing the sports portion of this. The only other BL I remember being this serious about the sports was maybe Project S: Spike. Almost all the gifs are going to be the romance stuff, but the sports stuff in this show is well done.

I'm a big fan of this project, and I think it has some of my favorite presentations of masculinity in genre. I will probably rewatch it after I finish this UWMA rewatch.

Thanks for the ask!

[cupoftaae]

Forever And A Day (KTH x READER) series ♡ fondness (chapter 16)

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count- 5-6k

warnings- swearing, mentions of miscarriage, tae is sad sad, kaito is back, drinking, um i think thats all? lmk if not!

a/n- Lovies!! hi i hope ur all doing good. Im trying to write a lot more because i literally just quit my current job (they treated me like shit) after 2 months. Im applying to so many places rn but in the meantime im having fun giving my tumblr a little luv <3 also apologies for any mispellings, I had read over my previous chapters and cringed at some of the words I spelled wrong. I have been learning english for years now but apparently its still not to a 100, oh well! Anyways, please enjoy! -Nini <3

"I had my suspicions"

You blushed, eyes down on your water bottle as you sat in your childhood bed again, your mother sat comfortable at the end of it as you both talked.

You arrived back home around 2am yesterday, and to say that you already felt a little better was an understatement.

"you did?" you mumbled as your mother nodded, smiling.

"when you came to visit a while ago, I saw a lot of touchiness" she giggled "but I minded my business"

"ah this is embarrassing" your hands flew to cover your face, now knowing your own mother knew about your relationship before you could say anything.

"no, I dont think so" she hummed, looking at the carpet. "I just know when a boy is in love, i remember your father-"

you inhaled sharply at her words, biting your lip and looking away.

"-...he would always look at me like I was the center of the universe"

You stayed quite for a moment before speaking up softly, "what happened?"

She smiled sadly, "he chose a different life, and I resented him for so long, but I accept it for what it was, and now that I have..I feel like im free to live again. And thats what you need to do, accept it, accept whats happened." she whispered, calming voice infiltrating the bedroom at such a late hour of the night.

Your eyes met hers, a glimmer of love was bright enough to see through her dark brown orbs. You nodded as she began to speak again,

"Taehyung and you.....I always knew it would happen" she giggled, "I remember once you guys hit middle school, and the moment I caught you sneaking into my closet for makeup before he came over to play video games-"

"oh god, stop" you blush, shaking your head

"it was cute even if you wouldnt admit it" your mother waved her arm at you.

You hummed, crossing your arms over your chest as you got lost in thought.

"so, how is he taking everything?"

"taehyung?"

she nods, eyes burning a laser into yours.

"well...i dont know" your answer was honest as she sat up.

"what do you mean?"

You sighed once more before speaking, "he and I kinda argued before I left paris...im an asshole mom" you offered a sad laugh, looking down. "im an asshole...because, I got mad at him for trying to help"

She tilted her head, listening, "Im sure he just wanted to be there for you, he was hurting as much as you"

"i know, and thats the thing mama...but I just needed to be alone and away....and he got mad when I expressed it...its not like we are married" you roll your eyes

she giggles, "I understand my dove, but listen" she grabbed your hands, "things like this happen all the time, we cant run away from our loved ones when life gets bad. What happened between you both was terrible, and im so sorry sweetheart" she whispered, your own eyes getting a bit misty, "but running back home isnt gonna do anything"

You nodded before smiling, "I came here because its comforting, you're comforting.....now you're scolding me?" your voice had humor.

She laughed, "you are a 23 year old woman, I cant control your actions, like whether you stayed with Taehyung or came back to me, however I can tell you my opinion, and if your decision was right or wrong, not trying to guilt you, just being a mom"

You nod slowly, fidgeting with the heating pad sitting on your stomach to help ease the lasting cramps that only served as a painful reminder.

"you make your own choices hun, but...let me ask you this, do you love him?" she whispered

Your eyes shot up at her, your heart singing with sadness yet love.

"....yeah.." you whispered so quietly it was barley heard. "yeah I do" you couldnt help but begin to cry as she wrapped you into her arms.

A mothers loving embrace.

It could heal all, and this is exactly why you came back.

"You find comfort here, but as you get older, you need to find comfort in new things." your mother began, " life is scary, but its all about changing. Without change, life would be rather boring, huh?" her hands ran up and down your back as your face rested on her shoulder. "Taehyung has been here forever, youve grown together, but these new feelings? they offer new experiences,...amazing ones too. Im sure he loves you just as much, thats why he let you go..." she whispered, "but my dear, you have to fight through the darkness to find the prize, to find why you had the connection at all"

You were full on Niagara falls into your mothers sweater. Her words provided insight, but as well as pain. You shouldnt have left him behind, it was wrong, and you hoped he understood.

you realized that you were your fathers daughter, and not just in DNA. Your first instinct was to run away from your loved ones, run away from family when they would give you everything.

You were becoming your father.

And you hated how much you still loved that man even if he left you. and you hate that you take after him in such painful ways.

But most of all...you hate how you didn't even see it happening.

"shh" your mother cooed, holding you as she rocked back and forth slowly. "my child, life will settle, but you need to find your way, and if thats with him, you need to tell him"

"i know" you whispered, wiping your eyes as you clutched the tiny bear you packed.

The bear.

Fuck, you wish you didnt bring it in your suitecase.

It was the teddy bear taehyung bought the day after finding out you were pregnant, The perfectly placed initial on the middle that always made you remember he thought of you as a Kim, as well, even if you werent married.

It was a reminder he wanted you in any way he could grasp you.

As a girlfriend, a mother to his child, eventually a wife, but always....always his best friend in life.

Your mother looked down at the bear, smiling. "y/n..."

"hm?" you mumbled, leaning back as she put your hair behind your ears.

"im so sorry this happened to you" her voice was quiet again, "you would have been a beautiful mother....and if you decide to have kids in the future, thats exactly what youll be"

You nod sadly, "thank you...."

It was quiet for a moment before she spoke up again, "when I was in my twenties, your father and I decided to try and have another child..we saw how you clung to your pre-school friends and called them your sisters" she chuckled "so we thought maybe another baby would be good. Well- I got pregnant right before your 4th birthday" her voice choked softly as you watched, this being news to you.

"unfortunately I, too, had lost it" she teared up explaining the situation. "it was one of the most painful things I ever went through....but looking back at it" she smiled at you gently, rubbing your back, "im so greatful"

"grateful?" you whispered, in shock

"I had you, my little best friend whos always stuck by me even in the worse situations...you never had to fight for my attention, we were always together"

You wiped her tears as you smiled sadly, agreeing.

"and you have always been more than enough." she mumbled, "so my love, I guess the lesson here is...that once you learn to accept it and know the situation for what it is.....you'll heal"

You hugged her tightly as her words struck your chest with a great force.

She was right, whether you liked her advice or not, shes been through exactly what you have, and if she can make it out and be such a wise, resilient woman today, than you can too.

But you'll be damned if its in the steps of your father.

Later after she went to bed, you were left alone, the covers up to your neck as the tv played some old school tv show that only got airtime in the late hours of the night.

You found your hand resting on top of your stomach as you laid calmly. You had to acknowledge it to get past it. "im not pregnant anymore..." you whispered, feeling an overwhelming sadness fulfill you. Your eyes drew down to your hand as you rubbed your stomach, feeling a bit stupid at what you were doing.

taking a few deep breathes, you opened your eyes and looked up at the ceiling, "its okay to be sad....its okay to cry" you remind yourself aloud, voice quiet and shaky, "but I can heal....its not my fault" you nod, tears falling for the millionth time within the past few days.

You were exhausted, mentally and physically, but after tonight you feel like perhaps you made a breakthrough, you were proud of yourself even if it was just a baby step.

You turned over in bed to look at your phone, the time was 3:55 am, yikes.

You barley had time to register it before the lock screen caught your attention, now all you could think about is how Taehyung was feeling.

-

"why are you already back?"

"dude just give me my fish and dog so I can go" Taehyung mumbled, standing at the front of his friend Jin's apartment.

He laughed and turned away for a moment before returning with Hae swimming around in his tiny tank, the packet of food wedged underneath jins chin. "here"

Taehyung took the bowl and the food, nodding "thanks..."

"mhm" he smiled, "so wheres Y/N? The last thing you posted was a photo of her standing on the edge of some fountain, did you push her into it?" he snorted, trying to be light hearted with his friend.

"no shes just, busy I guess" he shrugged, trying to leave quickly, "wheres yeontan?"

Jin looked behind him and picked up the small dog, putting the leash on him securely before handing it to taehyung, who took it with his free hand.

"thanks for not killing my pets and taking care of them, even if it was probably Stephanie who did everything" taehyung referred to Jin's wife, who stood behind him with a wide grin of acknowledgment. "i'll see ya" he nodded before turning down the hall to leave, Yeontan leading the way on his leash.

Taehyung walked on the sidewalk, his feet finding the familiar path to his own apartment.

He left Paris a day and half after you did, only communicating with you through occasional texts that left much to the imagination when it came to how you were doing.

He unlocked the door and walked in, wincing at how messy you two left it before leaving. His hands gently put Hae down on the kitchen counter as he began to pick laundry up, tossing them into a ball and making a mental note to do a washing load this weekend.

Tae checked his phone for any sign of you, frowning when he was met with 0 notifications.

Would it be wrong to call you? he didnt know anymore, things felt awkward...you left with no closure or definitive answer on what was okay or what crossed the boundaries.

It definitely felt uneasy being alone in the apartment, he missed your loud laughing, and the good food you always made for him.

He even missed when you would force him to watch shitty reality shows with you because it meant he got to cuddle with you on the couch for a few hours.

The rumbling sound of his stomach knocked him out of his head as he turned to the kitchen. There wasnt much, other than a few now rotten bananas sitting on the counter.

His hand gripped the fridge handle as his eyes were met with an ultrasound photo hung up by a hello kitty magnet, it felt like salt was poured into his wound...his hand slid off the handle. he wasnt hungry anymore.

Beside the photo was doctors reports hung up for upcoming appointments and reminders.

This upcoming weekend was supposed to be the gender reveal. Deep down Taehyung didnt care if it was a boy or girl, but not that he'd be having neither, it felt more upsetting.

It was a reminder of something that he might never get to experience with you.

He found his way to the kitchen counter, sitting in the quiet room as yeontans tiny pitter-patter paws echoed through the apartment wood flooring.

Taehyungs eyes were drawn to hae, the tiny yellow fish swimming around in his spongebob tank, a toy pineapple placed perfectly in the center for him. For some reason he teared up.

suddenly he felt the urge to hear from you, but he felt selfish for doing so. You should be the one to reach out, right?

He didnt know anymore.

"oh hae....I miss mama" he sighed, leaning down to rest his head in his crossed arms over the table.

-

"are you gonna just sit in bed?" your mothers voice echoed into your room, the lights were off and the curtains were closed as two large blankets covered your body....it was noon.

"I'll get out soon"

She shook her head, leaning against the door frame "Hun, I need to go shopping, I need to know you are up and alive before I leave you here alone"

Reluctantly you sat up, wiping your sleepy eyes as nostalgia from high school mornings hit you.

"there she is!" your mom cheered, directing her cat to follow over to you as she turned to leave.

You smiled at it as you stretch, "hi baby" your voice cooed before turning over and unhooking your phone from the charger

2 notifications

"oh" you mumbled, quickly unlocking it and going to your texts. You wish it was Taehyung, unfortunately it wasnt...

Kaito: hey, I know this is sort of inappropriate to text you like this, I get it, but I cannot stop thinking about you. I cant stop thinking about the baby. Can we please talk about maybe getting a paternity test?

you frowned, petting the cat as she climbed into your lap

kaito: and I know btw that you dont want me to be the father figure, which is fine. Ive taken time to understand that...however i need to know if its mine, I cant live without knowing y/n. please call or text.

Oh thats just great, another person you had to break the news to.

Your mother came back down the hall, knocking on the door frame "so are you coming or not? im leaving" she smiled

"I'll stay here, thanks though mama, hows your back?"

She waved her hand in dismissal "oh im fine honey, I got my brace"

You smiled sympathetically as she turned to leave, knowing she was probably lying about the pain.

Shes always been stubborn, thats where you get it from.

After getting cleaned up a bit, you made your way outside to sit on the front deck, propping your phone up as you sit in the rocking chair. Were you really about to facetime Kaito?

....guess so...

After a few rings, you began to feel the tightness in your chest...the anticipation...the nervousness...

"hello?" his voice echoed through your ears, for some odd reason you felt like crying already.

"hey....are you at work?"

"on break" he smiled softly, eyes looking into yours through the phone screen. It felt odd to sit here on call with him, you havent done it since you both had been dating.

"so..."

He sat down, propping the phone up against a wall as he watched you, making it clear he was ready to talk. "listen, please understand this isnt me trying to make my way back into your life"

You nod, picking at the skin around your fingernails.

"I just want to know if its mine is all, I mean, I figured theres a chance it is, no? so this is warranted right? i dont want to seem pushy...."

You sigh, looking at him, "um, well I called you because I wanted to discuss everything"

"what do you mean?" his head tilted softly

"kaito, I uh, I lost the baby" you said aloud, nodding as you did so. In some way, the words left your mouth a lot easier than just a few days prior.

You were knee-deep in the healing process

"oh." was all he responded, his face appearing confused and unsure, "you lost the...baby?"

"miscarriage" you add, "it happened a few days ago, I never had the chance to tell whether it was yours or taehyungs"

He frowned, "y/n, im sorry"

"dont apologize its fine, im fine"

"god...."he ran his hands over his face, obviously deeply upset by the news.

"its okay" you assured again as he watched you for a moment,

"do you think it was mine? genuinely?" he whispered

You shrugged, eyes dragging away from the screen to look at the cars driving past the house "I dont know"

You did, you were 90% sure it was taehyungs, this was decided last night as you carefully calculated the dates between periods, and the breakup vs when you and taehyung got together.

If it was kaitos, that would have meant you were close to being 5-6 months pregnant, and at the time of the miscarriage, you were about 3-4.

regardless, it was still upsetting, and in hindsight, it didnt matter anymore especially when you had to sit and break everything down to your ex.

He sighed again, "how are you managing?" he whispered

"im good, im at my moms house right now"

"wheres taehyung?"

you scoffed slightly, even after telling him the situation he only cared about you and taehyung. "Kaito I called to inform you about the baby and the baby alone, we dont need to discuss my personal life, you dont get to know information that no longer involves you"

He sat watching you for a moment before nodding "okay....sorry?"

"thank you for being understanding during this, and all I ask is that you continue to be respectful to not only me, but taehyung"

He rolled his eyes slightly "okay"

"okay" you repeated, sitting near the phone, "well...thats all I suppose, text me if you have more to discuss on the topic, have a good shift"

with that, you hung up and couldnt help the slight smile that popped up on your face, you finally stuck up for yourself, and taehyung

It felt good.

so good that you almost called taehyung out of instinct.

would he be okay with that?

you decided against it, putting your phone away as you sat back and swayed in the rocking chair.

-

Taehyung gently creaked open the door of what used to be his bedroom, but was now reserved in the space of a future nursery.

He hadnt been in here in a while, and now as he sets his eyes on it all, he wishes he didnt walk in.

There were boxes of items you ordered online piled up in the corner, he smiled sadly and looked through them.

The crib you bought, he promised he would put it together for you, you were never good at building things, instructions or not.

The thought made him giggle softly as he looked at the other things, the vanity and picture frames. The familiar grief found its way into his chest as he went over and laid on the rug in the center of the room.

It was a lilac purple rug, you picked it out and decided the nursery will be just that color scheme, regardless if it was a girl or not. His fingers weaved through it as he began to cry, eyes scanning over the room that will forever be empty, items put to waste. The small bundle of baby toys that never get to be played with.

He never realized just how much he was hurting, but he had to say not having you at his side made it sting even more.

Yeontan nudged his way into the room and grabbed one of the stuffies, making his skilled exit quickly as taehyung got up

"hey! thats not yours!" he frowned and chased out of the room after the small dog, following him around the living room before running into your room. He gave up and dropped the giraffe by your desk, his tiny legs leading him away to hide.

Taehyung kneeled to pick it up, unable to help the way his eyes scanned over the items on top of your desk.

Unorganized homework for school, binders left open and messy, he smiled a bit at it as he walked over, his arm accidentally pushing some of the books off the side.

"shit" he sighed, leaning down to pick them up.

There was a smaller brown notebook that caught his attention, he didnt want to snoop around your things, but when the front of it says "to my love", its pretty hard to ignore.

He carefully sat on the ground and opened it, feeling wrong for doing so but unable to stop.

The first page was full of your handwriting.

May 11th

so...today I just found out the biggest news of my life. im pregnant, its weird to even write. I just bought this notebook at the flea market because I need to tell someone. Im really scared, and im unsure of what you will think of me. I love you a lot, and I hope I get the chance to gift this to you after all is said and done

suddenly he felt like he was doing something wrong, reading something forbidden.

He scanned over the next page quickly, seeing how you spoke about dedicating this as a future love note for him, a chance to let him see inside your mind.

He tossed it back on top of your desk and sighed softly, he missed you so much and it seems like every second only let that feeling grow.

He wasnt sure what position you two were in, but he loved you dearly, probably a lot more than a person should love another human being.

He hoped you felt the same deep and burning desire.

Thoughts passed into his brain, he realized he was grateful you went through the crazy process of the past few years, in which referred to the friends with benefits situation.

If it never happened, you would have never been this close now.

Little does he know, that miles away from Busan, you laid on the floor of your room too, looking over older texts between the two of you and giggling

even if it was about groceries, or a small message asking him to pick you up from class, it made you smile.

Taehyung and your mom have been the only ones that you can say have never left you, the only ones who are there when you need them.

were you going to let him go over something that can be talked over and fixed?

you looked out the window and silently spoke,

"i'll see you soon”

-

Going back to your old doctor in Gwangju was an odd experience, you had too have been no older than 18 the last time you visited her.

“It seems that everything is going smoothly, and you said you’ve stopped bleeding?”

You nod, fidgeting with the gown you put on as the doctor wrote down everything.

“Your tests seem good, i would say you are coming along healthily after this, which is a good thing, right?” She smiles cheerfully, “do you have any questions for me?”

You shrug, looking up at her “I don’t really know”

She sighed and sat down “y/n, what you went through would be hard on anyone. You are so young and you already are stressed with work and college, and this being thrown on top had to have been difficult right?”

You nod, resting your head in your palm.

“Do you think seeing a therapist would be helpful to you?” She asked sweetly

You quickly sat up “well…im going back to Busan eventually and-”

“I can contact your doctor in Busan and have them find you a therapist”

You sighed deeply, therapy was something you never really considered. Would it help? Maybe. But bottom line was that you never liked discussing your problems, you have always been closed off and the thought of being vulnerable with some stranger is terrifying.

“Look y/n, I’ll send your doctor a note and you can discuss it with her once you go back, how about that?”

You nod reluctantly “okay….”

-

Once you arrived back with your mother at the house, she began to cook something up for lunch as you laid on the couch, cuddling the cat.

She purred in your lap, making you smile.

"how was the appointment?" your mom spoke from the kitchen, peaking over to you as her hands chopped veggies up on a cutting board.

"well...It was fine I suppose"

"just fine?" she smiled, adjusting her glasses, "did she say anything bad?"

"no, no, nothing bad, but just...she wants me to do this therapy thing and I just-"

"oh that sounds like a good plan...I think therapy would be beneficial"

You sigh, looking down at the cat, "well I probably wont be doing it so..yeah"

She stopped cutting, looking over at you "and why is that?"

You simply shrug in reply

"you know theres nothing wrong in getting help...right?"

"yeah but im not sure im ready to go talk to someone yet"

She laughed softly, "thats when you should talk to someone, when you are unsure, get it out before its all locked up"

sitting up a bit, you look back at her, "I guess, I dont know, we will see...."

Your eyes returned back to the tv in front of you as your mother continued to create a meal for the two of you. As a mom, she felt defeated, she knew the other alternative here but knowing you, the reaction may be less than ideal.

The last thing she wants to do is interfere with your current situation, but hey.....

what is a mom if she isn't nosey?

taglist!-

@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @borahaexoxo @lelefoodlover @tan-veee

[mod-doodles]

If Sydcarmy is not meant to be interpreted in a romantic light, why is it easier to make romantic edits of them (with little to no scenes taken out of context) than it is to produce edits of the actual canon romances on the show?? We've just had them in two short seasons with mostly 30 minute long episodes and we've already been given enough incriminating material against them...Like, it's apples and oranges, since one is a film vs. a series and they're two different genres, but peep how many romantic fan edits there are of them compared to let's say Juliet and Dawson from The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society or some other romantic work. If you don't plan on making them romantic then Mr. Storer, Sir, brother-man, babes...then why tf are you giving us so much romantic material? 🥴

Me if Sydcarmy isn't romantic endgame:

‘Oh ye of so little faith…’

(Me a cynic trying to put my faith in a production team that has done little to appease my anxiety)

Is it that they are testing the waters to assess the audiences reaction to the potential romance? Are they trying to protect Ayo from the vitriol fans have been known to spew at black female leads on shows where they are paired romantically with the white male lead? Are they being truthful and this is not going to be the happy ending that I would prefer? Unfortunately only time will tell.

As a optimistic cynic lmao, I’m not only trying to be hopeful and delulu but between the very heavy handed romantic cues, the parallels that we don’t get of any one else on the show and the song they chose to represent season 2 of the show; there’s no doubt in my mind that its not intentional. Is it possible that someone exec can ruin it all sure but I’ll take solace in knowing that FX is the ‘indie HBO’ unlike the CW they tend to take on some pretty risky/non conservative shows. 

Another thing is while I don’t think we’ll get them in a relationship unless we’re really lucky; I think it’s more likely that we’ll get a romantic movie ending. Maybe a big final kiss or something version of what we saw at end of s01 that would be heavily suggestive. A lot of writers don’t know how to write past such a high even in the romance genre, thankfully we have fanfics for the happily ever after and beyond. 

When all else fails I remember Kasama is the goal, and like Genie said I do see a lot of parallels lolllll, the only important one is that the owners are married and operating the business together!

[red-dyed-sarumane]

aru sekai shoushitsu is an 11 minute song i listened to on accident because i was too tired to look at the length & was just solely like man thats such a cool title for a vocaloid song i hope it lives up to it and it 100% did. i didnt have any idea there was a story behind it it just thought it was such a cool sounding song & i remember clearly playing animal crossing past 4am with it on loop. completely forgot the producers name & didnt recognize them when they posted kyuuyaku hankagai so it took me like 3 days to actually listen to it & the SECOND i heard the nami no ne no motif i lost my mind. that was it for me ive been so deep into it since then i dont think theres a way to pull me out. at the start everything had such weird phrasing it was so hard to sort out what was stylistic and what was direct story telling & even now its sometimes difficult, but the fact with every new song we get a new version of the story and new info & everything ties together to consistently for a project made by one person over the course of several years with this level of detail.

going from knowing its a story about trying and failing to prevent the world's destruction to finding out not only are they doomed to repeat it, the only way out is to completely give up on their own self and accept total death. putting together the timeline from little hints some of which u have to sort through which is fact and which is a character's own narration distorted by either their emotions or intentionally. the fact the story telling is not entirely direct, the lyrics are only one facet of it, it goes as far as using the genre of the song to express things, theres just so much. ive been into my fair share of vocaloid song projects but this is the most precise and delicately handled one i've encountered. there is so much care and attention put into every single one of those songs it would just be insulting to not take it seriously. there was a moment i was worried it was going to turn into the same song but different when we got maximizer and then kanon and i'm so so glad that isn't the case because the way theyre handling it now really shows how important it is to them. this is a person who posts some of the most ridiculous memes ive seen & has some now popular meme songs and even with that attention they've said they're continuing to take the series seriously and that alone says so so much about the weight of this project to them.

i'll be honest with you i dont think there's a good end to this story. with the info we have now, with how aru sekai shoushitsu, the story outline song, goes i cannot see a happy ending for any of these characters. i wouldn't be surprised if it turned out we're only being shown one instance of that certain world & it ends in a way that implies despite all their efforts it's just going to happen all the same all over again, just with certain people lost forever and others willing to try more underhanded tactics to try their ideas that ultimately wont work anyway. i don't think there will be a real resolution to any of the problems. but even then there are so many currently unrevealed secrets & the overall commentary the work is making in the first place that sticking around for whatever ending we're given will be well worth the wait

[yurisorcerer]

God.

OK. So, this requires a little context. In a Discord server I'm in, they're groupwatching every KyoAni show. Starting today, they got to Haruhi Suzumiya and are going to be watching an episode per day until we finish it. I'm not gonna write about every single episode of this show---I've seen it several times at this point so while I have a fair bit to say about most episodes it's just a lot of effort for a series I don't think many people here on tumblr specifically care about anymore---I do wanna write about this one

because, like can you fucking IMAGINE opening an anime like this in 2024? It'd be impossible. When an anime in the present day wants to make a big impact it'll go for laser focus, trying to present its absolute best foot forward, or a grandiose overlength premiere like Oshi no Ko or Frieren or something. The idea of opening your anime with *this* is just....I mean, even at the time it was baffling. I watched Haruhi a couple years after it aired and I remember being SO confused. What was this? Why is the first episode of this show---a show that aired deliberately out of order, by the way. I'm calling it the first episode here but if you're going by DVD order it's one of the last---some weird, deliberately bad student film that has a snarky narrator CinemaSins-ing over top of it?

The short answer is just that from the very beginning, the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya has a somewhat antagonistic relationship with its audience. Haruhi herself, as we'll learn in upcoming episodes, is kind of a really unpleasant person before eventually getting better. And I'm not going to claim that this show invented the idea of having your title character be a complete jackoff---it did not---but at the very least, it felt new at the time. (Contrast that to nowadays where every two-bit isekai has a total fuckboy who you're clearly supposed to love from episode 1 anyway.) So the first episode is kind of a....I hate this term, but almost a troll move I guess? More than anything, it's supposed to be *confusing.*

Improbably, this worked, and The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya became, for both better and worse, one of the defining anime of its era. It's been nearly 20 years and I have no idea how this happened.

Some amount can probably be attributable to the charisma of Haruhi herself---she sucks, but she makes an *impression*---but none of that is really present here since she doesn't show up until the end of the episode for the big mic drop moment, a moment where we get slightly more of an idea of what this show even actually is.

I think honestly the charm of the deliberately bad film might have been a factor. The thing is completely nonsensical; we have Mikuru running around in a bunny outfit doing plugs for random local businesses while vying for the affection of Itsuki. Itskuki himself plays a character best described as "on-screen" and "present." Mikuru's big rival both in love and for the fate of the Earth (?!?!) is Yuki, who wears a fucking awesome witch hat throughout most of the episode. At one point, in scenes that seemed utterly baffling without the context that later episodes would provide, Mikuru's eye appears to actually change color and fire a beam from it, and Shamisen the cat talks like a person. This shit was weird! Even at the time.

Also the bit where she fires a gun and goes "aaaah!" as the recoil gets out of control is still funny to me 16 years later. Many things about me have changed since I first watched this show but apparently my sense of humor isn't one of them.

Haruhi Suzumiya as a series is really important to me in that it was one of the first things I watched that was REALLY OBVIOUSLY "anime." There wasn't the plausible deniability you got with something that aired on Toonami (and thus was visible to anyone with cable TV) or one of the common entry-level access points like Cowboy Bebop or such, which are considered classics not just of their medium but of their *genre* and thus didn't carry the same stigma. The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya is an anime-ass anime, with its bunnygirl outfits and improbable high school antics and psychic powers and aliens and yadda yadda. When I first started watching the series I was vaguely embarrassed about my interest in Japanese cartoons, by the time I'd finished it, I had an actual fucking SOS Brigade patch on my jacket. No less a figure than Tatsuki Fujimoto said that the series was responsible for turning his generation into otaku, and, anecdotally, he's pretty much right about that; most otaku I know of my age had a Haruhi phase at some point. (That's part of why Aya Hirano playing Makima in the Chainsaw Man stage play was such a big deal. It's not just that she's an incredible actress---although she is---that's fucking Haruhi playing Makima, man.)

Its success is also partly responsible for the light novel adaptation hellscape we now live in, so I'm not going to shy away from criticizing it either. Right off the bat there's a really uncomfortable kind of semi-"ironic" sexualization of Mikuru, helpfully lampshaded by Kyon as the film's narrator. This does not let up at any point throughout the show and is probably the worst thing about the series (although it doesn't reach its nadir for a while, if I recall). I'm not a fan.

Other than that element, I think as far as first episodes go, I wouldn't mind if more shows went back to this approach. There's something to be said for just baffling your audience into submission.

[spinningbuster98]

Castlevania Bloodlines Part 1: This is a vampire hunter on blast processing kids!

Yeah yeah I know, Rondo came out first but look: we only have 2 Classicvanias left before we switch over to Symphony of the Night, and since that game is Rondo’s direct sequel I think it’s more appropriate to do it last

Did you know that Bloodlines is one of the series’ worst selling games? Yeah it barely broke 50k units on release and while I think part of the reason was due to being a Genesis exclusive, with Castlevania never having built a fanbase on that system, I do think it’s also because, back then, people were losing interest

I mean what does Bloodlines really offer that hadn’t already been done in other games? We’re back to a 6 level structure like the original CV, we have only 2 playable characters and we can’t even switch between them mid-level, the controls are a step back when compared to 4 and the item crash moves are visibly nerfed when compared to Rondo

People often give flack to the Igavanias for being “Sotn clones” that shamelessly rehashed the formula, but, barring how that’s not really true, the same argument could be made for the Classics around this time

I mean after 4 all the following games went back to the previous control schemes and essentially tried to add some extra stuff on top of the standard formula. Rondo has alternate paths that lead to extra levels, but C3 had already done this, Rondo mostly just adds some extra steps. It has one extra character while C3 had 3 extras. Bloodlines, as I’ve stated, does very little new and Dracula X was essentially a watered down version of Rondo to many.

Indeed if you go see the sales for every game you’ll notice that they gradually dropped over the years, with Castlevania 1 selling over 2 million copies, Castlevania 3 only around 800k and so on. Of course it’s important to remember that sales do not equal quality, as there are many factors that play into a game’s sales, such as marketing. However I do think this denotes a certain decrease in interest by people in the games over the years, which is part of what motivated the devs to completely switch genres with SOTN, because they though people were no longer that interested in simple, short super tough platformers and preferred something new

Bloodlines may not be revolutionary but I firmly believe that a game does not need to be in order to be good. The game offers some of the most original and inventive level design of the classic games, especially due to its insistance for squeezing as much juice out of the Genesis’ systems to create truly surprising and memorable graphical imagery: just look at the water reflections in Atlantis, or the rotating sprites of the Tower of Pisa!

Of the two characters John is the Belmont stand in and my favorite: he doesn’t have a lot of reach but the whip still packs a punch and you can whip straight down and upwards diagonally. Important tip: hold down the attack button when attacking with either character, it will let the weapon stay on-screen for a few extra frames, allowing it to attack twice some enemies, trust me this can be important

I’m...not the biggest fan of John’s swinging mechanic, due to the stiff jump it can get really unruly but it’s only required like twice

As you may have noticed I’m actually playing the japanese version, titled Vampire Killer (real original guys). Why is that? Well not many people know this but Castlevania 3 was not the only game that was made artificially harder for american audiences!

Every version of Bloodlines allows you to choose between 3 difficulties, but the American version switches them around: US Normal Mode is actually JPN Hard Mode, while Easy is actually the Japanese Normal. The US version also locks the full ending behind its own version of Hard mode made specifically for this version, while the japanese version gives you the complete ending no matter what difficulty you’re playing on

Then there’s the matter of continues: this game, unlike the others, gives you only 2 continues after which it’s game over for good. All versions have a password system but in the US version a password is given to you after you beat each level and it saves the amount of lives and continues you have. This means that if you’re at the final levels and have no continues left and few lives you’re shit out of luck

In the japanese version however passwords are given to you only when you get a gameover and after inputting them your number of continues is reset. This means that in the japanese version you actually do have unlimited continues, just in a more roundabaout way. Also continues in this game respawn you at the last checkpoint, so thanks!

All of these difficulty differences are also true for the european version I think, which follows the japanese one but is heavily bogged down by graphical censorship because Bloodlines likes to get a little gory and I guess people back then must’ve been afraid that one too many moms in Europe would’ve been upset at the idea of little Timmy busting some zombie guts while playing his kiddie game

[moorishflower]

I got tagged by @softest-punk to talk about BOOKS

Rules: 10 (non-ancient) books for people to get to know you better, or that you just really like.

Idk how we're defining non-ancient but I'm going to assume nothing pre-1400s just because people are listing Shakespeare? Which means I can't include Beowulf :< But know that Beowulf is on here in my heart

The Dark Elf Trilogy by R.A. Salvatore. Hoo boy. Baby's first fantasy novels. I fell in love with Drizzt Do'urden LONG before I knew what being edgy or goth was, and I was absolutely fascinated by the intricate politics of Menzoberranzan, but even MORE fascinated by the Underdark. This terrifying, harsh alien landscape all in darkness, lit only sometimes by phosphorescent fungi, populated by monstrous creatures and inhuman beings with complex cultures...I was actively less interested in the Forgotten Realms books when Drizzt left the Underdark! To this day I'm really fascinated by survival literature and hostile landscapes, and I find things like deserts and cave systems to be extremely beautiful. Also, I had a crush on Jarlaxle, but so did everybody else, so.

Don Quixote (El ingenioso hidalgo don Quixote de la Mancha) by Miguel de Cervantes. I originally read Don Quixote in college, and I fell in love with how it played around with the idea of stories, and how we use them to view the world. I wrote an entire paper about how Don Quixote serves as a sort of trickster figure, because we're meant to learn from his mistakes, but there are honestly so many different ways you can read the text! Is he insane? Is he the ONLY person in the world trying to do the right thing, and its only the rigid outline of society that's actively preventing him from doing it? Also, has one of the single most important quotes to ever be put to a page. "There is no book so bad...that it does not have something good in it."

Dragon's Milk by Susan Fletcher. This was the first book about dragons that I read. I think it probably wouldn't hold up well if I read it again? But I remember being in love with it when I was about 9 or 10. It felt VERY gritty to me (there's death! injury! grief!) at the time, lol.

John Dies at the End by David Wong. HERE'S a book that taught me a lot about fucking around with genre conventions. I reread JDatE about three times in the beginning to make sure I was getting everything, and I still reread it like...once a year or two years or so? Horror is a really special genre to me because there's so much you can learn from it and use it to convey. JDatE was one of the first successful horror COMEDY novels I read.

The Dark Tower series by Stephen King. I couldn't possibly choose a single book, so don't ask me to! This is meant to be read as a series anyways, even more so than other series. King is one of my favorite authors, and I've read pretty much his entire body of work, but there's something special about The Dark Tower books. They're so huge, and far-reaching, and they accomplish so MUCH and manage to entwine so many different threads into one (nearly, no one's perfect, lol) cohesive whole. I'm sure there are a lot of fantasy and scifi novels that manage to weave as many threads as King does here, but man, there's something SO satisfying about being able to go through the Tower books, and recognizing all the references to so many other books by him. <3

Feet of Clay by Terry Pratchett. WORDS IN THE HEART CANNOT BE TAKEN. Fuck, what a good book. About personhood, about self determination, about acceptance. Feet of Clay is definitely THE City Watch book for me, followed very closely by Night Watch.

Inferno by Dante Alighieri. Does this count as ancient? I don't care. Inferno was one of my introductions to translation and how word choice can change the entire effect of a sentence. I read it first in middle school, on my own, and then more in depth in high school and college, and I used to keep my annotated copy by my bed in my dorm, so I could go through it whenever I was stressed. I got really into etymology because of Inferno, an interest I still have today!

The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner. When I read this in high school, the teacher for the class warned us that it was going to be a difficult read and that we would probably need a timeline she had made in order to follow along. But I didn't need the timeline. The leaps in time and space and narration all made perfect sense to me! It wasn't actually that hard to follow along, and the story being told between the words by Benjy was horrifying and fascinating and terribly sad! And then you got to the other parts and it was CONFIRMED to be horrifying and sad! Anyways The Sound and the Fury is a really cool example of nonlinear, unreliable, stream of consciousness narration and I like it a lot.

The Mistborn trilogy by Brandon Sanderson. Just a really cool magic system. Really interesting worldbuilding. But it's the magic system that gets me.

Across the Acheron by Monique Wittig. Baby's first feminist lesbian book. I got Across the Acheron because I was intrigued by another version of Inferno. Instead, I figured out I wasn't straight! Like all feminist literature there's a lot of ways to read this and it probably hasn't held up as well as I would like, but I am indebted to it for like, letting 14 y/o me realize that not just liking boys was okay, so!