#(If you need/want my discord please ask)

[masque-of-plague]

If you feel like you need "permission" to do something in fandom, this post is for you!

Something I've noticed a lot of in this fandom is that people hesitate so much to do so many wonderful things they want to do because they feel like they need someone else's "permission" in order to do it.

Understandably, there was a HUGE history of people dog-piling, harassing, and bullying people for doing things that were not explicitly approved by either the creators or the fandom at large. I am so happy that the tumblr fandom in particular has moved away from that horrible time, but the effects it had on people still linger, even beyond things that "weren't allowed."

So if you need permission to do something you've been thinking of doing, I'm giving you permission. 💕

Do you have an idea for a fan event but you need someone to tell you that you can? I'm telling you right now that not only can you start that fan event, but you will do a great job AND people will love it.

Do you have an idea for a fanfiction but you're worried that people won't like it? I'm holding your face gently and promising you that there is an audience for everything and if absolutely nothing else, you deserve to make that fic.

Do you have a headcanon that directly conflicts with common headcanons in the fandom? I support you having that headcanon. YES, even if other people dislike or even hate that headcanon. YES, even if some people are upset about that headcanon. It's their job to avoid that headcanon then-- it's not your job not to have it.

You deserve a space to be heard, to make your creations, to hold you headcanons. Anything that brings you joy, amusement, euphoria, validation, healing, catharsis, anything that you find interesting or enjoyable, you deserve to engage with it.

I promise you are capable. I promise you are not doing anything wrong. I promise you are not hurting anything.

Whatever you thought about while reading this post? I am giving you permission to do it.

[spacebubblehomebase]

hi, just letting you know that ahmed 90s-ghost doesn't verify fundraisers anymore! he quit after it got too overwhelming, so you shouldn't @ him asking him to. you can probably find the post about it by searching his blog.

Thanks for letting me know, Anon...

I get it... I REALLY do.

I understand. Y'know I used to be so excited to get Asks. It means someone wants to talk about art and silly cartoon characters with me. But now all I feel is dread. Not because I don't want to help, but because the help I give is never enough. I used to privately mesage back to those Asks, but one became 6 became 10 to... Well. I can't donate. Euros and dollars are valued a lot higher here, thus the opposite is also true. The value of our money is but a paltry bread's worth and even if I split it in crumbs, with the amount of people who approach me for help, it'll soon run dry, but I'm just a student who still rely on my parents financially. So I thought I'd share instead, but that quickly got out of hand. I post one thing and get multiple asks by the HOUR. I already had to apologize for struggling to meet demands before and I only had 3 or 6 rare to come-by short Asks about art. Now I have a hundred and counting I have to check personally. I didn't want to admit it, but I've also long been overwhelmed. I just didn't feel like I had the right to say so. I still don't. But the truth is, anyone can say they're verified too, which is terrible because not only will I be partially responsible for my followers who got scammed by bots or scumbags who take advantage of those at war with fake fundraisers, but even worse is that the help and money may not even reach those who actually need it. I thought I would be fine the first time. I don't really like posting too much about our depressing reality or watching news in general because my account was supposed to be a "safe SPACE" and a "nice little BUBBLE" for us to be happy and escape for awhile, so I didn'tmthink much about rebloggingit at first. I only wanted to help. But it just kept going and I got swept away. There's so many of them, but there's only one of me and I've been spiraling lately. So for now, I will no longer take any Asks about this subject (which I always avoid mentioning directly because the algorithm has it out for putting you guys down and I wanted you all to make it so I didn't tag those reblogs with such). I'll still take Asks provided they're related to my actual content and of course I'll still support raising awareness for Pal est ine, yet I also get it if this may appear selfish to some of you. I tried. I really did. But if you'd rather ignore, unfollow, or block me for this decision, I understand. I'm just sorry it had to come to this and that I wasn't strong enough to help more. -Bubs.

[hideyseek]

hmmmm having various realizations about zheng bei's character over the last two days ... this is great and i am enjoying it

and also ... my fic is from gu yiran's pov so if that man could become a little less insrcutable to me soon , that would be VERY HELPFUL for my self-inflicted end-of-year deadline for this fic !!

[yuichiroswife]

IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ!

{ There is a hacker/scammer going around on Discord claiming that they've "accidentally reported" people (in this case, me) for Illegal Purchases/Phishing Links which very obviously isn't true because everyone who knows me personally knows I don't have any money to do shit like that nor do I have the skill to set up phishing sites.

The main reason I know this is a hacker/scammer is because I had another incident like this over on Steam and the message/"staff ticket" is literally word for word the exact same as the one I got on Steam a long while ago. The person quite literally copy pasted this shit it seems.

So please beware of this person or others like this person going around and claimed they've reported you. Instead of panicking and doing what this person says, immediately go to the OFFICIAL Discord site and submit a support ticket like I always do with any platform I'm on. I usually make it a general question since I'm never sure what category it would fall into, but directly ask the staff if you have been reported for the things said person may claim you've been reported for and make sure to add screenshot of the entire thing for proof. Don't panic and instantly remove them. Just block them and view the messages.

Make sure you all stay safe and look out for one another! }

[lume-nosity]

JFDSJFLDSKJF LUME HAVE I EvER MENTIONED STRAIGHT UP HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU LIKE YOU WERE THE FIRST PERSON I ACTIVELY FOLLOWED AFTER MY FEW DaYS ON TUMBLR AND I WAS SO SCARED TO ASK TO BE YOUR MOOTIE BUT YOU WERE SO NICE AND I AM STILL TO THIS DAY SO HAPPY WHENEVER I GET A NOTIF SAYING THAT yOUVE SAID SOMETHING COMPLETLEY UNHEARD OF ABySYmAL IMPROBABLE AND PROBABLY SOCIALLY UNNACEPTABLE BUT I STILL LVOE YOU BECAUSE YOURE JUST BEING A SILLY GOOSE AND WE ARE ALL SILLY GOOSES ?!?!

this made me have the biggest smile ever and the day hasn’t even started yet.. that’s something. basically i just woke up and smiled really big :) it’s a good feeling but ahem. this’ll be quite long so bear with me.

MELONNNN MY SWEET FELLOW (NORMAL) XIAO SIMP LOVER I LOVE YOU TOO SOSOSOSO MUCH I’M SUPER GLAD I WAS THE FIRST PERSON YOU ACTIVELY FOLLOW WHEN YOU FIRST STARTED HERE!! DON’T EVER BE SCARED TO TALK TO ME ABOUT ANYTHING, POP IN MY INBOX, OR WHATEVER ELSE BECAUSE INTERACTING WITH PEOPLE IS MY FORTE (NOT IRL THOUGH THAT’S A GIVEN BUT YOU GET WHAT I MEAN)

I LOVE MAKING NEW MUTUALS SO NOOOO DON’T BE SCARED TO ASK IF YOU WANT TO BE MUTUALS WITH ME THIS GOES FOR ANYONE TOO BECAUSE I LIKE MEETING NEW PEOPLE HERE REGARDLESS OF WHERE THEY STAND IN THEIR PLATFORM <3 JUST PICKING MUTUALS UP TO BE ONE OF MY CHILDREN PLATONICALLY BECAUSE SOME SEE ME AS A PARENTAL FIGURE (MAKES SENSE BECAUSE I’M OLD AND WRINKLING ALREADY MY INTELLIGENCE LEVELS ARE ACTIVELY DROPPING) OR JUST GOOD FRIENDS TO MESS AROUND WITH AND HAVE A GOOD TIME I SUPPOSE, SEE ME AS A PARENT, COOL, A NICE FRIEND, COOL, A TALENTED WRITER EVEN THOUGH I RARELY WRITE NOW, SURE YEAH, A CRAZY PERSON, FAIR, AND MORE

TO HEAR THAT I’M NICE AND ALL THAT JAZZ ESPECIALLY SEEING THAT PEOPLE ARE COMFORTABLE AND HAPPY WITH JUST A FEW WORDS COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH MAKES ME HAPPY AND GIDDY INSIDE THIS IS SOMETHING I REALLY NEED TO HEAR, ESPECIALLY THIS ASK, SO THANK YOU MAN!! I’M NICE I DON’T BITE I PROMISE THOSE WHO KNOW ME CAN VOUCH

IT MAKES ME HAPPY TO SEE HOW MUCH YOU’VE GROWN DURING YOUR TIME HERE BECAUSE I REMEMBER YOUR BLOG BEING GREEN AND CUTE AND ALL THAT! AND YOUR BLOG IS MORE ORGANIZED (MORE ORGANIZED THAN ME THAT’S FOR SURE) AND PRETTY AND COLORFUL AND YOUR WORKS GETTING A FEW NOTES BUT NOW YOU’RE GETTING THOUSANDS!! WHICH IS VERY MUCH DESERVED!!! LOVE YOUR WORK!!!! I FEEL LIKE A PROUD PARENT/MOM/DAD NGL IT BRINGS A TEAR TO MY EYE TO SEE MUTUALS GETTING THE LOVE AND ATTENTION THEY DESERVE FOR THEIR TALENTS

I KNOW I SAY THE MOST WILDEST, SOCIALLY UNACCEPTABLE, UNHEARD OF AND OTHER BIG WORDS THINGS AT TIMES (we love being silly) AND TO SEE SOMEONE BEING HAPPY OVER THEM IS JUST FHAHFHSGSDHSH???? WOOO SOMEONE ENJOYS SEEING ME BEING GOOFY AND OVERALL A MENACE TO SOCIETY LET’S GOOO

WE’RE ALL JUST SILLY GOOSES YOU’RE RIGHT, IT’S THAT NICE FEELING OF SILLINESS THAT YOU CAN’T SEEM TO GET RID OF (IT HAS TAKEN OVER ME AS YOU CAN SEE)

ALSO I SEE THAT YOU WERE STUDYING THE OTHER DAY AND STRESSING OUT GOING APESHIT ABOUT IT I WOULD’VE MADE THAT COMMENT LONGER HAD I NOT BEEN IN SCHOOL AND THAT DUMBASS CHARACTER LIMIT (WOW LOOK AT ME BEING SNEAKY WITH IT, DON’T TRY THIS GUYS UNLESS YOUR SCHOOL IS CHILL) SO I CAN SAY IT HERE!!! #LUMESTUDYTIPSFRFR ANYONE CAN USE THEM

IF YOU’RE STUDYING, TAKE BREAKS FOR LIKE 10 OR 30 MINUTES MAX BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT I DO WHEN I STUDY FOR SO LONG! DON’TTT EVER STUDY FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME WITHOUT BREAKS THAT’LL HURT YOU A LOT (TAKE IT FROM ME, DON’T DO THAT IT’S BAD. 2020 ME WAS STUPID)

EAT A LITTLE SNACK BECAUSE YOUR BRAIN AND STOMACH NEEDS SOME FOOD TO FEED OFF OF TO FUNCTION, A DRINK TO HYDRATE FROM IT CAN BE WATER JUICE OR WHATEVER AS LONG AS IT MAKES YOU HAPPY! MAYBE EVEN PLAY SOME LOFI OR A STUDY PLAYLIST IN THE BACKGROUND FOR A COMFORTING VIBE :3 IF YOU’RE STRUGGLING ON THE MATERIAL THERE ARE VIDEOS OUT THERE, INTERNET IS YOUR BEST FRIEND IN STUFF LIKE THIS, MY GO-TO IS ORGANIC CHEMISTRY TUTOR AND BRAINLY!

OH AND SLEEP. I KNOW PEOPLE SAY STUFF LIKE ‘haha i’m not sleeping this exam is important’ BUT NO. SLEEP IS ESSENTIAL AND LOSING THAT SAID AMOUNT OF SLEEP COULD AFFECT YOUR WORK ETHIC THE NEXT DAY, I DID THAT ONE TIME AND MAN WAS I OUT, SO GET SOME AMOUNT OF SLEEP IF YOU’RE ABLE TO IS WHAT I’M SAYING. IF IT’S A REALLY SERIOUS EXAM THAT YOU INSIST YOU HAVE TO STAY UP FOR THEN I USUALLY TAKE A NAP AS SOON AS I GET HOME IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT TIME. THEN AGAIN, WHAT TIME YOU SLEEP IS THE TIME YOU SLEEP AND I CAN’T CONTROL THAT, I WAS JUST A LITTLE WORRIED IS ALL

SO UH YEAH THAT’S ALL I WANTED TO SAY IN THAT COMMENT! (IF YOU WERE WILLING TO READ ALL OF THAT LMFOSJFIE I WOULD WRITE MORE BUT I WON’T BORE YOU OUT AND SOUND LIKE A NERD) I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY AND AFTER THAT AND AFTER THAT AND WHENEVER THE DAYS PASS BECAUSE IT’LL GET REPETITIVE AND HAVE I WISH YOU A MASSIVE AMOUNT OF GOOD LUCK (YES YOU GET TO HAVE A SHIT TON OF LUCK NOW BECAUSE I BLESSED YOU NOW SO ENJOY THAT, I’M APPARENTLY THE EMBODIMENT OF GACHA LUCK AND NORMAL LUCK SO YEAH YOU’RE VERY WELCOME) LOVE YOU MAN TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF 🫶✨

[mortuarywriting]

What’s one thing holding you back on one of your WIPs? If talking it out helps, I give thee the floor. 😊

oh god uhhh lemme see!

I'm SO BAD at how I'm reading and rereading these and like.

Demon au I wanna finish the drawings for Johnny and Kyle because Kyle was initially a Dragon but that turned into the dragon au and I'm not 100% how I wanna make Johnny's iteration since his is easier to slide in and out of than Price or Ghost's.

The dragon au I'm happily plodding along but I need to find a way to bridge the gap and explain how and why they keep getting in touch when Sunshine isn't supposed to know where they are and how they got there, but because of the Mountains that Walk does, in fact, know where and how.

My self indulgence I'm just getting pissy that the banter isn't feeling real and flowing but I don't know how to fix it and I don't know if this is "it's fine you've just been looking at it too long" and "no this does, in fact, suck"

For my project with Charlie I know what I wanna write but I'm not exactly sold on my execution? So that's just poking worms around until they cooperate.

And then I've got Bartender and Cooke and that's a fun setting I wanna put into play but DAMN if that has the least motivation to do anything these two are happy as clams to just vibe and laugh at me

[more-than-a-princess]

Vacation Hiatus!

I'm on a vacation hiatus until Monday, April 22! As of April 5, all threads and asks I owe replies to have been queued. Otherwise, replies and new threads will continue when I return. I can't wait to write with you when I get back!

I'll be checking the dash occasionally, but I'll be much easier to get ahold of on Discord. Especially if you want to see travel photos.

This post will be reblogged periodically throughout the next two weeks.

[h-a-unted]

Just a reminder that I'm not around much if at all and don't really know how to revive blogs these days. This might be the only one I will try to keep at least sporadically alive because I have a soft spot and very special people around here (glances at Ladybug and Vonny, but also others but them especially lol).

So, please feel free to softblock (or hardblock if you want of course) this and any other of my blogs you follow if little to no interaction is bad for you.

[piningpercussionist]

(Not an rp ask)

What is your opinion on chau x kim? I'm not a shipper of it myself but I heard it was a proship since knives is 17 but also I saw she was 18 in the comic so I'm not sure where to stand on it honestly. But I'd like to hear your opinion about it !! Sorry if this is a bit of a random ask (ーー;

You're completely fine!! Do not even worry about it.

So, yeah- When Scott first meets Knives, and I'm not entirely sure how much time passes between then and when they start dating, it was *literally* her seventeenth birthday, as I am reminding myself reading back over these panels presently. And then at the start of book six, the first time we see (real, non-dream,) Knives, she has apparently been eighteen for a week!

Now, I'm going to preface with a little something before I go further into this: I am totally fine answering this ask and others like it I think! but, I will note, I do get like a (not fun) physical sensation in my chest- partly anxiety (lol) but also something else I think- thinking about them like 95% of the time- it's gotta be like. Handled The Right Way, if that makes sense. Let's get into it.

So, first off, I'm just gonna re: some of the stuff relative to this I've posted here before- both nonrp and rp, since I use RP to develop my read on Kim and shed some light on how I see things I guess!

These clips come from this ask (and reblog) here!

This rp ask here, which is simply too difficult for me to get in a good screenshot I feel, so I recommend just checking it and the tags for it out- I will share my Bonus Commentary reply though:

This ask as well! Tags less pressing, but still provide a little insight.

And this is probably a dumb inclusion if I really want to make a pseudonym to post fics under, but. I have posted my (very early) thoughts on the SPTO sparks scene to AO3 before, so- (and before going into this- I did remember that Julie and Gideon have that sparks scene after the fact!)

And here's the Barely Anything Lines hinting at the ship that I had in that fic that I used to justify that blurb, while we're here:

I think I've gone over my feelings a little bit in the discord as well, and there might even be more rp stuff relative to it, but I'm not going to go back and get any of that honestly- at least, not right now, or unless requested, since I don't really feel like it's necessary, if it does exist. This gives a pretty good glimpse in I'd say- especially that second to last one there.

So. Yeah.

Used to ship it; have expanded my horizons since then. I don't really want to knock it because like... for some people this is a legitimate life experience for them- one that might have even turned out well, miraculously. And there also a lot of minors in this fandom evidently, so like, any other baby gays out there just wanting to Project for a minute? I feel that. Sincerely I do. It's not the wisest choice but better to read fanfiction about it than go out and actually make out with a 23 year old, Gods forbid. (Genuinely felt sick thinking about that; fucking gross. Any minors out there: Please Make Good Choices. Look out for yourselves. Begging you. There are too many freaks in this world- I promise you whoever you're thinking of probably isn't the magical exception.)

But there are definitely things to consider about them that are very interesting to me, still, so like. I'm in this weird state of conflict; I don't know if it's just me being like "it happened, you can't escape it" or having been desensitized/some sort of Brainwashed by how many times I had to use Knives in the game to quick heal- maybe something else but I just don't feel like flaying myself open like that unprompted for just anyone- but like. Oh man.

Sorry, gathering/writing this that feeling like went away but came circling back for this last bit, it seems. Which makes sense I guess. I feel like I'm setting myself up for a Pyre right now eugh shfsgkjfhjg

I dunno. I'm not gonna lie and pretend like I know it to be some big formative ship for me in my early teen years, but it was kind of important in finally coming around to realizing how queer I was, I think. My memories of the time are fuzzy, but it would have been one of the things- there were likely larger ones, my current obsession could be recoloring my past here so I'm trying to acknowledge that.

But there is like. A dynamic that is posited by them that is also one I'm a really big sucker for. More so now than I was then, so I find myself grinding my teeth about that a fair bit at times.

I definitely still really like it as something unrequited no matter what I think; I like the idea of Knives having a really big crush on Kim, genuinely. I think it's cute and funny as hell for how uncomfortable it would make Kim, who's just trying so hard not to be a fucking creep while this ray of sunshine hangs off her- something she absolutely does not deserve (in her eyes.)

I'm obviously more partial to Kim resisting any advances made at her, but I can understand so, so badly why someone might be attracted to the idea of Knives managing to thaw some of Kim's frigidity with that. Ugh.

If they work for me, I think they'd have to work for me after Knives is gone at college for a bit. Kim would need to know Knives for longer than she knew her as a minor- and they'd have to be FRIENDS in that time, quite strictly. Kim would need to not feel (intensely, because frankly, she would unavoidably feel this way at least a little no matter what,) like she was a fucking groomer going into it, basically. I don't know what I think past that.

You know, I'll put my feelings like this: with the exception of a fic I saw recommended to someone that intrigued me, I have managed to resist reading any/many fics featuring them, despite it being a large majority of the wlw Kim fics that exist, and also kinda just Kim fics generally. It's kind of Insane, especially considering how much Kimona SCREAM at you from the pages of the comic itself- but I digress....

I've been working on this for like over an hour now I think so I really should cut myself off. I am like,, too hungry and mildly stoned to be rambling off about this maybe. If you want more concise/specific thoughts, I recommend prompting! I can try and channel the responses easier with a bit more direction, maybe?

...

actually another thing real quick- I like. Do not know that I could ever feel comfortable, truly, consuming content for them, not knowing if the OP has good intentions. I just Do Not trust people, largely, so that's just like. A little thing. Idk. "Death to the author" or whatever but I am still allowed to feel personally uncomfortable ya know! I don't want them taking my silent observation as like,, passive acceptance in the event that they were. Idk if that makes sense, I need to go eat already, I'm hitting post before i drag this out to TWO hours

[echeveriia]

i’m in full ‘i should text her’ mode help what do i do

[variantoutcast]

Hi, I'm Never & you can use any pronouns for me. My carrd is out of date, so ignore that. the pertinent info is here on this post:

I'm 22 years old, white and a tme butch dyke.

I'm physically disabled and mentally ill and sometimes I talk about it.

I occasionally post (mostly untagged) nsfw, largely jokes or fan art / fan fic.

I'm terrible at tagging. If you need consistent tagging this is not a good blog to follow

My supernatural quarantine blog is @butchcastiel & my aesthetic blog is @knivcs feel free to follow me!

Mutuals & long time followers can ask for my discord!

[orcgirlcock]

god, I wish they'd just get it over with and invite me to fuck already

[sicklewxlf]

||Taking a minor break. I’ll be back Tuesday.

[urbanfiltered]

:-)

[malcriada]

Help save Bilal's family!

i want to talk about my friend Bilal @bilal-salah0. for over a year now, Bilal has been living in germany, trying to adjust to his new living situation in a foreign country, learning a new language and working full time. 

when the war started, he was far away from home and his family and has been living in daily fear for their lives ever since. 

being forced to work long hours and promoting his family’s fundraiser at the same time, he has taken on more responsibility than anyone ever should. still, he managed to raise money for their evacuation fund and helped take care of his family’s daily needs with the money he was making while working. 

in a cruel twist of fate, all of this got taken away in an instant. he lost his job and his apartment and even his residence permit. which means he is at danger of deportation from germany that could happen as soon as next week!

i have been in daily contact with Bilal for a while now and connected him with some of my friends in germany. together, we are trying our utmost to make sure he can stay in the country. anyone who knows german bureaucracy knows what kind of hell it is. but we won't give up.

without his job, he was forced to dip into the money of his family’s evacuation fund to cover their daily expenses like food and shelter. this meant he had to raise his goal from €70,000 to €100,000. this was not an easy decision for him to make, he even asked for my advice on whether or not to do it, because he did not want anyone to think he was scamming people. 

even in such a desperate situation, Bilal does not want to be seen as someone who would ever take advantage of people's generosity

his family is comprised of 18 members, 10 of them are adults and 8 are children under 16 years old, some of them newborns who were born amidst the chaos of war and displacement.

currently, he is sitting at:

€71,817 / €100,000

donations have been slowing down ever since he reached his original goal. i cannot stress how important it is that they pick back up!

WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF TIME! HE NEEDS TO REACH HIS GOAL BY AUGUST 15TH!

THAT MEANS HE HAS TO RAISE NEARLY 30K IN THE NEXT TEN DAYS. THIS CANT WAIT.

his campaign has been verified and can be found on @/el-shab-hussein’s and @/nabulsi’s list of vetted fundraisers here (#132, line 136) so PLEASE don't hesitate to share and donate.

With such a tight deadline, i cant do this on my own. So i implore you to PLEASE share this wherever you can– on your whatsapp groups, on your discord servers, please share his story on other platforms wherever you have reach! Please share his story wherever you can, so that we can ease this burden from his shoulders.

[ID: a gfm link with a picture of two small children sitting in the sand in front of a cooking pot. they are looking up a the camera, eyes half-closed. the title reads "Donate to Help Evacuate My Family from Gaza to Safety, organized by Bilal salah" End ID]

tagging for reach under the cut, please let me know if you'd like to be removed:

@meaganfoster @briarhips @dirhwangdaseul @mahoushojoe

@schoolhater @pcktknife @sawasawako

@feluka @terroristiraqis @irhabiya @commissions4aid-international @wellwaterhysteria

@deepspaceboytoy @post-brahminism @khanger @kibumkim @neechees

@mangocheesecakes @kyra45-helping-others @7bitter @tortiefrancis

@toiletpotato @fromjannah @vague-humanoid @criptochecca

@aristotels @komsomolka @xinakwans @heritageposts @nibeul

@ot3 @amygdalae @ankle-beez @communistchilchuck @dykesbat

@watermotif @stuckinapril @mavigator @lacecap @yugiohz

@socalgal @chilewithcarnage @ghelgheli @sayruq @northgazaupdates2

@vakarians-babe @wayneradiotv

@psychotic-gerard @mavigator @communistkenobi @socalgal @chilewithcarnage

@ghelgheli @determinate-negation @papasmoke @omegaversereloaded

@xinakwans @givemearmstopraywith @loombreaking @killy @deathlonging

@palms-upturned @blackpearlblast @littlegermanboy @loveaankilaq @sar-soor

@fridgebride @27-moons @tamarrud @familyabolisher @fleshdyk3

@decolonize-solidarity @palipunk @gothhabiba

[foldingfittedsheets]

Working at the mattress store generally means a lot of long shifts. Ten hour days are not uncommon. You come in, sit alone in a box for a long time, maybe sell a bed, it’s fine. It’s not usually an issue of safety, though, because who’s coming in to shakedown a mattress store? We have no cash and nothing really portable.

But there was one night where I was whiling away my time and a guy came in. He was a big guy, muscular and very punk, tattoos, piercings, the works. We got along fabulously and while helping him a middle aged white couple came in. I was pleased to have a livelier night than I’d anticipated. I bounced back and forth between the disparate parties, eventually finding beds for both.

I finished sooner with the couple but they lingered uneasily by the front of the store instead of leaving and eventually beckoned me over. I trotted along to ask if everything was okay and the woman whispered to me that they were scared to leave me alone with the guy. It was getting late and he appeared quite menacing to them. I wanted to laugh, he was an absolute sweetheart, but instead I assured them that all was well and they could go.

They departed and I immediately told the guy what they’d said. We both had a hearty laugh over it. He finished his purchase and went on his way.

In the last hour, I had my final customer. A young white man in immaculate clothes, button down shirt with freshly shined shoes. Reader, I wanted to bolt. The man had the discordant energy of a cracked bell. Something was deeply wrong with his vibes despite his polished exterior. I desperately wished the nice couple would come hover in the doorway and stare.

I gritted my teeth and greeted him, projecting a friendly and unconcerned air. It seemed clear pretty quickly that he wasn’t actually that interested in getting a bed, which alarmed me even more. I tried to go through the process of fitting him for a mattress but instead he would segue off into telling me about his life while making unblinking eye contact. He asked probing questions about me. I longed for the nice punk man to come back in with a question.

I soldiered onward, visualizing my panic button and refusing to show the slightest hint of unease to him. Eventually he told me that he played piano. He asked if I would like to see a video of him playing piano. I said okay. He then turned his phone over and showed me his screen. In it, he sat staring directly into the camera while playing piano. Above the screen he stared with the same intensely unhinged energy in the video, two sets of serial killer eyes fixed on my tiniest reaction.

I smiled politely, pinned in place by social niceties. After an eon the video finally ended. It was clear he was not going to buy a bed. I insisted that I needed to lock up. He asked if he could stay for that. I firmly informed him he needed to leave for that. With reluctance he drifted out the door as I radiated calm assurance of my own safety and power, locking the door behind him. I turned out the lights and crouched behind the desk in the darkened store, peeking out to watch.

He sat in his car for a long time. But eventually he drove away. I darted out to my car and got home as quick as I could.

The encounter remains one of the most unsettling I’ve ever had in retail. In my decade of serving the public I helped a parade of characters from the harmlessly eccentric to the genuine creeps but this man truly frightened me unlike anyone I’d ever dealt with.