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Holly Jolly Charade | Bucky
Character: Bucky Barnes x Female! Reader
Summary: Turns out, bringing a fake boyfriend to a family dinner worked out just fine.
Prompt: fake dating becomes too real
Part 2 : The Christmas Shift
Written for @the-slumberparty's December Daze Challenge.
Main Masterlist || If you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a coffee on Ko-fi 🙏🏻
By the way, I publish my book Arrogant Ex-Husband on Kindle. 👉 Now available on e-Kindle Amazon! << here's the link.
Thank you to everyone who has read this chapter. Leave a comment and Reblog, please. I'd love to hear your thoughts. ❤️
Have you ever had one of those mornings that just feel perfect? The kind where everything aligns so effortlessly it feels like the universe is on your side?
No traffic, no line at the coffee shop, and all your usual rush-hour chaos smoothed out like butter on warm toast. Especially now, with Christmas looming, when there’s so much to get done, a morning like that feels like a miracle.
But just when you think the day’s off to a perfect start, something always has to disrupt the flow. This time, it’s your phone buzzing with a text message.
Mom:
"I’ve sent our ride to pick you up. No more excuses!"
You groaned audibly and rolled your eyes so hard they almost hurt. The text left an invisible weight pressing on your chest. It wasn’t like you hated your family, but the thought of attending their Christmas dinner was… exhausting. Ever since you moved out, you’d been dodging these gatherings like a pro.
In the first couple of years, they were understanding. Your excuse? A new job, fresh out of college, with long hours and no time for travel. They’d bought it. Then, a few years later, you said you were busy building your business, and that worked too.
But now? Now your business was thriving, and worse, everyone knew it. Thanks to that damn magazine article, your entire extended family knew about your company’s success. Including how much profit it was making. You should’ve refused the interview. You should’ve told your friends to leave you out of it.
Now there were no excuses left. Your family saw right through them.
You tossed your phone onto your desk with a huff and ran your fingers through your hair, trying to come up with a last-minute plan. The thought of sitting at that table, sharing space with your aunt of all people, made your stomach twist.
She was the epitome of judgmental nosiness, prying into every corner of your private life, not because she cared but because she wanted to compare. She loved knowing someone was doing worse than she was—it was like her secret Christmas joy.
You groaned again, typing furiously on your phone. “How to get away from Christmas family dinner” was the search query, but every suggestion seemed ridiculous or impractical. You sighed, slumping back in your chair.
A sudden knock at the door startled you.
“Come in,” you said, not bothering to glance up from your phone.
The door creaked open, and your vice president, Bucky Barnes, stepped in. He held a stack of papers in one hand, his other shoved casually into his pocket. His loose, long hair, still a work in progress, framed his annoyingly handsome face. He was wearing a crisp blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up, black pants, and the faintest smirk on his lips.
“Here’s the report,” he said, stepping closer and placing it on your desk. “Just need your signature, and the team can have an early paycheck.”
You glanced up briefly, pen already in hand. "Why didn't the finance guy give this to me?"
"Because they're afraid of you." He leaned against the desk, folding his arms, his smirk growing into something more mischievous.
“You look like someone Googling excuses to avoid their ex,” he teased, tilting his head toward your phone. “Or did your mom finally pin you down for the family Christmas dinner?”
You shot him a withering glare, tapping the pen against the report in irritation. “Mind your business, Barnes.”
“Hard not to,” he said with a shrug. “You’ve been muttering under your breath about aunts for the past five minutes. Also, your face? It’s doing that scrunchy thing again. Looks like someone ate a lemon.”
You leaned back in your chair and crossed your arms, staring daggers at him. “You’re awfully chatty for someone who’s been begging me for months to let him quit.”
“Begging?” He scoffed, a mock look of offense crossing his face. “I just said I wanted to try something new. But nooo, you’re like, ‘Stay here, Bucky. You’re the best VP ever.’” He fluttered his eyelashes dramatically, earning an eye roll from you.
“Don’t flatter yourself,” you said, snatching the pen and signing the document with more force than necessary.
“Aw, is that your way of saying you’d miss me?” He grinned, grabbing the papers and straightening them with a satisfied nod.
“No. It’s my way of saying you’d never survive on your own.”
He laughed, heading for the door. “Well, good luck with Christmas dinner. Don’t forget—misery loves company. Or in your case, a nosy aunt and smug cousins.”
You rolled your eyes, ignoring him as you continued scrolling through your phone. Your search results were less than helpful, but then one suggestion caught your eye: “Tell them you’re traveling with your boyfriend.”
The idea wasn’t entirely ridiculous. Your mom had been nagging you about finding someone and settling down for ages. Without thinking it through, you began typing a message.
“I can’t. I already have a trip planned with my boyfriend. Didn’t you want me to get married?”
Satisfied with the excuse, you hit send and placed your phone on the desk.
Not even two seconds later, the screen lit up with an incoming video call. It was your mom.
“Crap!” you yelped, fumbling for the phone. In your panic, you almost dropped it, but Bucky, quick as ever, snatched it mid-air. Unfortunately, his finger brushed the screen, accidentally accepting the call.
Your mother’s delighted face filled the screen. “Oh my goodness, you didn’t lie! You have a boyfriend. And a handsome one at that!”
Bucky froze, his eyes widening in shock. “Uh… I… wait—”
Your mom wasn’t listening. She leaned closer to her phone camera, grinning ear to ear. “It’s so nice to meet you! Both of you are still at the office, I see. Perfect. Cancel your plans and bring him to the family dinner!” With that, she hung up before you could say a word.
You stared at the blank screen, your hand still frozen mid-air. “What the heck just happened?”
Bucky turned to you, raising an eyebrow. “I think I just got adopted as your boyfriend.”
You groaned, rubbing your forehead. “This is a disaster. I texted her saying I had plans with my boyfriend so I wouldn’t have to go to dinner.”
“Do you even have a boyfriend?”
“No!” You threw your hands up in exasperation. “And now my mom thinks we’re together!”
Before Bucky could respond, your assistant knocked on the door. “Ma’am, the driver is waiting downstairs for you.”
“Shit,” you muttered under your breath, scrambling to grab your coat.
Bucky leaned casually against the doorframe, watching you with an amused expression. “I could play along, you know.”
“You? Helping me?” You scoffed, slipping your arms into the coat.
He shrugged, grabbing his own jacket. “I didn’t say I’d do it for free.”
You narrowed your eyes at him. “What’s the catch?”
“I want to resign. And a generous bonus while we’re at it.”
You gaped at him, incredulous. “Seriously? Why do you want to quit so badly? You’ve got great benefits here.”
He followed you out of the office, adjusting his jacket as he walked. “I want to explore more. I’ve learned a lot here, but it’s time for something new.”
You glanced at him, half-annoyed, half-impressed by his confidence. “Unbelievable.”
“Come on,” he said with a mischievous grin. “How hard can pretending to be your boyfriend really be? I’ll even charm your aunt.”
“Oh, this is going to be a nightmare,” you muttered as the two of you stepped into the elevator.
“Maybe,” Bucky said with a smirk, “but at least it won’t be boring.”
As you stepped into the lobby, your eyes immediately landed on the sleek black Maybach parked by the curb. The driver stood beside it, wearing a formal suit and gloves, ready to escort you to the inevitable Christmas dinner. Of course, it was your mom’s car—a glaring reminder that she always got her way.
You stood frozen for a moment, torn between irritation and resignation. The reality of the situation hit you like a weight: there was no escape this time. You chewed the inside of your cheek, contemplating running back upstairs and locking yourself in your office.
Before you could make a move, you felt a presence behind you. Turning around, you found Bucky standing there, casually slipping on his coat.
“Fine,” you sighed. “I’ll fire you.”
His lips quirked into a triumphant grin. “Finally.”
“But,” you added sharply, pointing a finger at him, “if you want to leave on good terms, you’d better play your part well. Convince my family—especially my aunt—that we’re a couple.”
Bucky gave you a mock salute, his grin widening. “Got it. I’ll play my part like I’m gunning for an Oscar.”
You nearly laughed at his response, a small chuckle escaping despite yourself. “Let’s go.”
Once inside the car, you pulled out your phone and scrolled through pictures of your family. Handing it to Bucky, you said, “Don’t worry about my cousins—they’re pretty cool and don’t ask too many questions. The real trouble is my aunt.” You pointed at a specific photo.
“That one,” you said, gesturing to a woman in her sixties, decked out in pearls, bright red lipstick, and chunky jade bracelets on both wrists. “She’s the one you need to watch out for.”
Bucky studied the picture, raising an eyebrow. “She looks… interesting. Definitely has a lot of character.”
You snorted. “That’s one way to put it. She’s the type who compares everything—lives, careers, relationships. If she starts asking questions, keep your answers vague. She’ll latch onto anything you say.”
Bucky nodded thoughtfully, his expression serious. “Got it. What about your parents?”
“They’ll be relieved the moment they see me walking in with a boyfriend,” you said dryly.
He nodded again, absorbing the information like he was preparing for a mission. “Then I’ll make sure to play my part well.”
🎄🎄🎄🎄
Inside, the house was bursting with holiday cheer. Laughter echoed through the halls, mingling with the warm hum of Christmas music. The living room was a festive wonderland, filled with garlands, twinkling lights, and an enormous tree decorated to perfection.
The moment you stepped through the door, a woman in an elegant dress swept toward you, her arms outstretched.
“Finally!” your mom, Robin, exclaimed, pulling you into a side hug. Her perfume was a comforting mix of cinnamon and vanilla, and her excitement was almost infectious.
Then her eyes landed on Bucky, and her expression shifted into one of pure delight. “My prayers have been answered,” she said, clasping her hands together. “Come here!”
Before Bucky could react, she pulled him into a warm hug. He blinked, caught off guard but recovering quickly, wrapping an arm around her lightly.
“I’m sorry for the late introduction, ma’am,” Bucky said smoothly, stepping back with a polite smile. “I’m Bucky.”
You stepped in before your mom could ask questions. “We just became official recently.”
Robin’s face lit up even more, her eyes darting between the two of you. “Good! Welcome, Bucky.”
“Thank you,” he said with a slight bow, his tone respectful but calm.
As you stood with your mom and Bucky in the foyer, a woman approached, her presence unmistakable. She wore pearls as if they were a permanent part of her body, bright red lipstick that seemed freshly applied, and her signature jade bracelets jangled with every step. Her hair was big—almost comically so—and styled to perfection. It was your aunt Teresa, the one you had warned Bucky about.
“Well, well, well,” Teresa said, her eyes scanning Bucky like he was a prize. “Is this the boyfriend I’ve heard so much about?”
You stiffened, forcing a tight smile. “Yes.”
Bucky, ever the diplomat, stepped forward with a friendly grin. “Bucky Barnes. Nice to meet you, ma’am.”
“Oh, call me Teresa,” she purred, giving him an appraising look. “You’re quite the charmer. And so handsome! No wonder she finally brought someone home.”
You bit the inside of your cheek, struggling to maintain your composure.
“So,” Teresa continued, her tone dripping with faux curiosity, “how long have you two been together?”
“Not too long,” you said curtly, trying to end the conversation.
“A little over three months,” Bucky added smoothly, his tone warm and engaging.
“Three months?” Teresa said, arching a perfectly shaped brow. “Well, you’d better lock him up, dear,” she said, turning to you. “We’ll be planning another wedding soon!”
“Teresa,” Robin interjected gently, noticing your discomfort. “Why don’t we give them a moment to settle in?”
You took the opportunity to grab Bucky’s arm and drag him away, your jaw clenched.
As soon as you were out of earshot, you muttered, “That’s just the beginning. Wait until she finishes her fifth glass of wine.”
Bucky chuckled, shoving his hands into his pockets. “She’s... entertaining.”
You rolled your eyes. “That’s one way to put it.”
Later, Bucky met your cousins in the den, and as you predicted, they were laid-back and easy to talk to. They exchanged jokes and stories, asking Bucky only a few lighthearted questions about his work. You watched from the sidelines, thankful that at least some of your family wasn’t exhausting.
At dinner, everyone gathered around the massive dining table, the centerpiece adorned with candles and holiday-themed decorations. The atmosphere was warm and festive, but the moment Teresa began talking, you felt the familiar weight of dread settle in.
“So,” Teresa began, her voice carrying over the clinking of cutlery, “my son just secured a new oil permit. Big deal, you know. And my daughter-in-law? She got promoted to partner at her firm. Isn’t that wonderful?”
You nodded politely, forcing a neutral expression. “That’s great, Aunt Teresa.”
“And what about you?” Teresa asked, her tone dripping with condescension. “I hear your little business is doing well. But it must be so stressful, hmm? All that work with no one to share it with.”
You bit back a retort, focusing on your plate instead.
Bucky leaned toward you and whispered, “This is boring.”
“Yup,” you murmured in agreement, spearing a piece of food with your fork. “She always does this. She’s the one who insists on family dinners.”
The two of you exchanged quiet remarks, completely ignoring Teresa’s continued self-praise. Finally, she noticed and turned her attention to both of you.
“Are you two even listening?” Teresa snapped, her bracelets clinking as she gestured dramatically. “And tell me, when are you two getting married?”
Bucky didn’t miss a beat. He leaned back in his chair, a mischievous smile playing on his lips. “Well, Teresa, we want to make sure we don’t rush it. After all, we wouldn’t want to overshadow the amazing achievements of your son and daughter-in-law.”
The room went silent for a moment before your cousins stifled laughter, and Teresa pursed her lips, clearly caught off guard.
After dinner, you helped your mom arrange desserts on the table in the kitchen. The aroma of freshly baked pies and cinnamon filled the air. Robin looked pleased, humming softly as she arranged plates.
From the dining room, Teresa’s voice drifted in as she tried to corner Bucky for more questions.
“So, Bucky,” Teresa began, her tone overly sweet. “Tell me, what’s it like working with her? She must be such a perfectionist.”
Bucky didn’t falter. “Actually, she’s brilliant. One of the smartest and most hardworking people I’ve ever met.”
Teresa narrowed her eyes slightly, clearly fishing for more. “But she must be difficult sometimes. Don’t you think?”
Bucky smiled, his tone calm but firm. “No more difficult than anyone else who’s successful. If anything, she makes work more enjoyable.”
You overheard the exchange and couldn’t help but feel a flicker of gratitude. For all his teasing, Bucky had your back.
Later, when the two of you were finally alone in the den, you let out a long breath and slumped onto the couch. Bucky poured himself a glass of whiskey from the bar cart and sank into the armchair across from you.
“You’re fired, Bucky,” you said, though there was no heat in your voice.
He chuckled, raising his glass in a mock toast. “Thanks, boss.”
You rolled your eyes but couldn’t hide the small smile tugging at your lips. “Seriously, thanks. I’m glad you came.”
“Anytime,” he replied, sipping his whiskey. “Just don’t make me sit next to Teresa again.”
You both laughed, the tension of the evening finally starting to fade.
You leaned back on the couch, your fingers tapping the glass of wine in your hand. The room had gone quiet after the bustling chaos of the family dinner, and Bucky was nursing his whiskey with a far-off look in his eyes.
“I still don’t get it,” you said, breaking the silence. “Why do you keep wanting to quit?”
Bucky’s gaze shifted to you, his expression unreadable at first. Then, he set his glass down and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
“Because I want to be on the same level as you,” he said, his voice steady but carrying a weight that made you pause.
You blinked, confused. “Huh?”
“I want to start my own business,” he explained, his eyes meeting yours. “Be my own boss. I’ve learned so much working with you, but I need to prove to myself that I can do it too.”
You studied him, trying to piece together the sudden intensity in his words. “That’s it? You’ve got some big plans, huh?”
Bucky exhaled a soft chuckle, but there was something else in his eyes—something unspoken. “Yeah, big plans,” he said, swirling the amber liquid in his glass. “I’ve always admired you, you know. Not just for what you’ve built, but for who you are.”
You tilted your head, still not fully grasping the weight of his words. “You admire me?”
He looked at you, his blue eyes holding yours longer than usual. “Yeah. For a long time now.”
The air between you shifted, and for a moment, you couldn’t find the right words. You thought back to all the years you’d worked together, the arguments, the jokes, and the moments where he always seemed to have your back.
But you dismissed the thought, brushing off the flicker of something deeper. “Well,” you said, forcing a grin, “I’m glad you’re ambitious. Just don’t expect me to give you glowing references when you leave.”
Bucky laughed, leaning back into the armchair. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”
That year marked the first time you’d asked Bucky to pretend to be your boyfriend, a favor born out of desperation. He played the part so convincingly that even your family believed it.
The second year came, and to your surprise, you asked him again. By then, it had become a strange tradition—your fake boyfriend who seamlessly charmed your family while sparing you the agony of invasive questions.
By the third year, something had shifted. The lines between pretending and reality blurred, and you couldn’t shake the growing warmth you felt whenever he was near. It wasn’t just gratitude anymore—it was something deeper.
When the fourth year rolled around, you made a decision. No more pretending. You told him you wanted to stop the charade, but instead of ending things, you found yourselves starting something real.
And in the fifth year, you stood side by side at the altar, promising forever to the man who had been beside you all along.
Taglist:
@thezombieprostitute
@mostlymarvelgirl
@scott-loki-barnes
@kjah97
@jeremyrennermakesmesmile
A/N : There will be part 2. I'll use the prompt from @the-slumberparty
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky x you#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes#bucky x y/n#bucky x reader#bucky barnes au#james bucky buchanan barnes#james bucky barnes#buckybarnes#bucky fanfic#marvel au#james buchanan barnes#james buchanan bucky barnes
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Its been a long and winding year returning to tumblr in a more dedicated fashion for the first in a long while (not since 2019, yeesh! Time flies), but I can't really say I regret it at all!
With all its ups and a couple of downs, I've regained some of that old spark I used to have being in the RPC again and I really just wanted to do something paying it forward even if just in a small way -- so I'm doing a little something that used to be a common end-of-the-year tradition back during the golden years of the old RPC I used to romp in!
There's nothing anyone else has to do in return, this is just me giving a little bit of appreciation to all the people who have given me a reason to be here and really let me enjoy myself here again!
So one way or another, this is just a thank you to ALL of my mutuals who've made my time here a little bit brighter! Here's to a hopefully even better 2025!
@starsburned / @stormslullaby / @eiinn-ulfr
Cor, my bruhloved. Every list has to have you on it, naturally. I wouldn't even be here writing right now if you hadn't been the one to convince me to pick up Chuuya. Its hard to believe how close we're getting to the 8 year mark since we've officially become friends. I genuinely don't know where I'd be without you. You helped pick me up when I was at my lowest in the old fandom where we met, and that first time you let me vent to you, I really just thought you would be another person who was here today, gone tomorrow. But now you've woven yourself so deeply into my daily routine that I can't imagine anything less than having you part of my life. You're such an amazing person despite all of the absolute bullshit you've gone through daily that no one should have to suffer through, and I'm proud of you for still chugging along no matter how hard everything gets and how much you've grown and continue to grow. And more than just that, you're such an amazing writer to boot. You dedicate so much to every muse you pick up, whether it be a canon or an OC, and craft every one of them masterfully. From Rune to Dazai to Verlaine to Mori and all your other billions of muses (you fucking muse gremlin(affectionate)), none of them ever disappoint and I love seeing how passionate you are about all of them, whether it be in your writings or just your daily ramblings. Nothing would be the same without you here.
@memoryextrction
Things are still a bit new between us but I can say with full, genuine honesty you are one of the most pleasant people I've had the pleasure of getting to know! And I've had a lot of people come in and out of my life, most of them people that quickly showed they weren't good for me, so that's a compliment that doesn't come lightly from me, distant and critical person that I am about new faces. Even if I'm old and tired and can't always keep up with your energy, I always love seeing your messages and interacting with you, and just your overall maturity and decency as a person despite how young you still are and all of the shit you go through and struggle with on a daily basis. I only wish there were more people who could bring your kind of wholesome vibes to the world because the world seriously needs more people like you. And of course, your writing! The thing that got us interacting in the first place. I love our interactions so much and how much passion you put behind your muses, especially the characters who basically had nothing in their original series and really made them your own. I love the nuance and complexity and love you breathe into your 2-minute-screen-time muses and really give them the attention they deserve, and by god do they make for some of my favorite interactions of all time.
@nohumaen / @crimcpnish
We've only really begun to start talking in earnest, but I'm glad we have! Its rare that I'm pleasantly surprised by people, especially in dealing with tough situations, but you are one of those few people, and its a real breath of fresh air, let me tell you. I'm genuinely happy to have started writing with and getting to know you, and not just because your Kouyou (and Higuchi, and Fyodor) is fucking amazing, although that certainly helps! Your humor always gives me a good laugh, and overall I just really enjoy your company and don't regret at all bringing you into our little circle of friends. I'm wishing the best for you and those you keep closest!
@vulpesly
We don't write nearly as much as I'd like to these days, but just having you still around and part of my experience at all means more than I can rightly express. I always love our small exchanges and seeing Jono and Tachihara on the dash, and just how much care you put into your portrayals! Even just seeing your little rambles about other things like video games lightens my day a little. Thank you for allowing me to be part of your experience as well.
@inciteafflatus / @skilledsenses
Tenka! The bonafied cryptid of my circle of people. Its always a pleasure to see you around and your Ranpo is always so *chef's kiss* (even if Chuuya wants to yeet him through a ceiling every time). You're always so funny and pleasant to talk to, in the rare instances you make your cryptid appearances, and I'm glad to know you and always share in a good few laughs!
@ripheart / @beastlit
I know this year has been pretty rough on you, and I'm holding out hope that things get a lot better moving into the new year! I've really enjoyed what few exchanges we've had when we both have the energy to carry a conversation, and your amazing writings always leave me biting at the bit waiting for your next carefully crafted reply! Your Yosano is so beautifully portrayed and on-point I could swear she was written by Asagiri himself, and I really look forward to seeing more of her when life finally cuts you a break enough to return!
@eternalstarlights
Going to be honest, at one point I wasn't sure if we were ever going to meaningfully interact, but now that we have a couple things started I'm really glad we do! I'm really enjoying the little things we have going on between Kunikida and Ember and I especially really look forward to seeing how things develop with Ember because she and Chuuya honestly just seem like such a natural-born team to have working together and bonding over blowing things up!
@flamesignite / @hughesxmaes
We don't do a whole ton of direct interactions but seeing the constant shenanigans and total crack energy on my dash (at poor Roy's expense) is always a fun time even from the sidelines and is just about always guaranteed to get a laugh or two out of me. Keep doing what you're doing cuz its honestly such a joy to see!
@kitxkatrp
I'm really enjoying the little interactions we have going so far between Chuuya and Dazai and Mori! Its always fun having Double Black stirring up shit with each other and I definitely never have any complaints getting to throw Chuuya at a well written Mori!
@gyofukuki
Its a bit of a shame we don't get to interact more cuz you honestly just give me lots of good vibes whenever you're around! Though I totally get it with not being able to be around as much as you'd like to. I haven't forgotten the couple of things we managed to get started and I'm really looking forward to continuing them when you do manage to find the time to be back here properly!
@galaxy-0f-muses
It took us a while to really kick things off but I couldn't be happier that we finally have! I'm super enjoying the little thread we have going with Atsushi and Chuuya right now and I'm definitely interested to see how things will play out with Yosano once that thread finds its stride too! Here's to some hopefully fun, ongoing interactions because I'm really digging them so far!
@frozcnlight
We've only just started to really get things rolling, but I'm already enjoying the dynamic going on between Chuuya and Miran quite a bit! She's such an interesting contrast to Chuuya in a way that's bound to spark some interesting interactions between them. What those interactions will be, I'm not really sure yet, but exploring that and seeing where it goes has definitely caught my interest!
@spezialistin / @kokyuchusei
I always love seeing people giving some of the less recognized / appreciated characters of a series some love and attention, especially some of the strong female characters, and so far you really do immense justice to writing Higuchi! We may only have one little thread going at the moment but already it has me rolling around a ton of possibilities and ideas that I'm really looking forward to playing around with and hopefully I can inspire the same!
@ofdraiocht
Its good to finally get the ball rolling on something after being distant mutuals for so long and I'm definitely enjoying and looking forward to the interaction we have going between Chuuya and Odasaku! I always love playing around different timelines like Dark Era and what Chuuya's relationship might be to some of the characters we don't really get to see him interact with much in canon.
@voracitys
Its always nice to have a new face to write with and explore new possibilities and I definitely haven't been disappointed! I know Gin is still a bit of a new muse for you trying her out but what little we've written so far I'm really enjoying and love how you write her and look forward to seeing how these two develop! Especially being both Chuuya and Gin coming from somewhat similar backgrounds, even if she doesn't realize it yet, so there's a whole lot of potential there for the both of them that I'm eager to see play out!
@koriningyou
We're still kind of finding our stride in actually writing something together and kind of talked about that already, but trust me, I notice all the little Likes you leave on my posts and I really appreciate those small, daily affirmations that you're reading and wanting to interact! And I seriously appreciate it every time and look forward to once we get some momentum going on IC interactions as well!
@muses-of-kira / @alchemic-elric
We haven't really gotten to write much yet for obvious reasons but that doesn't mean I don't look forward to it! I'm wishing you a speedy recovery for your hand and I look forward to being able to write something once its better!
And just for following back this silly blog of mine at all, even if we haven't really interacted much (yet!)
@cursedlane || @seraphynm || @fullmxtal-elrich / @zodixcsorangekxtten / @cryptxd-laboratxry || @bookmcde || @doppogin || @cherrygardn || @pocketfulofgalaxies || @diverse-hearts-ocs || @rowanberryhub / @goeticedda || @ficryfingcrs || @paramythas || @avarlclouss || @mused-like-roses || @devouund / @vieaccorde / @straypaged / @yashabana || @teruoku || @hellshovnd
#ooc#The Mun#positivity#{--I'm not really all that good at the whole#positivity thing#esp on a regular basis#*jazz hands @ negativistic disorder*#BUT! I tried!#And I hope it brought a smile to ya'll's faces and that you're having good holidays--}
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2024 Tumblr Top 10
tagged by @lurkingshan here and @neuroticbookworm here, thank you both! This really reminds me that I need to do a real pinned post at some point.
If you want to generate your own, you can use this link! I used the link to find the posts but wrote this below because I thought reflecting on the posts would be fun.
My GL rec list (covering everything through to Feb 2024), which I'm very happy about taking first place. If you want GL recs, check that out first, and then feel free to browse my #GL recs tag.
The admittedly shady post from October calling out the director of the Addicted Heroin Thailand adaptation for (a)making weird choices and (b)defending them as artistic. But I stand by my anger about this. Censorship is not an aesthetic!
The non-novel-spoilery reaction post to episodes 1 & 2 of Love In The Big City which was also from October, but which honestly stands up for my reaction to the whole series. What a gift of a show.
A quick pitch for Akaya is in Love with Hiroko from July. This one hurts! I was so ready to cheerlead for this show and did several times, but the penultimate episode made me wary and the finale really upset me, to the point where I didn't end up writing about the finale, so I'll take the chance here: Don't make a show about two self-aware lesbians, one who has been comfortably sexually active for years and one who is super horny for her, and have them get together as adults and yet be celibate for a year out of "respect". Is the message that sex between consenting and enthusiastic adults is not respectful?! GTFO. For the record I can be respected with orgasms, thank you.
The episode celebrating the messaging in the finale of Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo from November. Glad that this is here between the previous entry and the next two, because this is a good balm for the pain. LFtCoT landed the ending and gave us all a giant hug while doing it!
The list of things I was thinking about at the end of Wandee Goodday ep3 from May. Another disappointment for me. The things this post shouts out are still things I like about this show, and reading it again is a reminder of where the back half let the first half down (not taking seriously some of the things we were told to take seriously in the first few episodes).
An early post about Love Is Better the Second Time Around from March. Another show that did not land everything, in this case because it felt like it tried to shove in a complicated conflict in the last two episodes that they didn't have time to handle. But I still love those early episodes and all of the interplay between Miyata, Iwanaga, and Shiraishi.
My clown theory for Every You, Every Me also from October, which ended up being correct! I've never been more happy to be right, I liked this reveal for the show so much.
In February I wrote this thesis about the state of Thai BL looking at data from 2022 and 2023, which I have been meaning to go back and update since I think Shan as usual was feeling the start of the wave and we needed more data to see the change actually play out in 2024. I now no longer feel (as I did in this post) that things haven't changed, I do think they have this year. But I need to crunch the numbers again to prove it to myself (and everyone else) though. Stay tuned!
In July I did a round-up post about the various theories surrounding Century of Love, and whether Vee and Vad were the same person. Turns out San did wrestle with this as I'd hoped but the show itself felt like it lost steam and copped out around this, unfortunately. At least we'll always have fox demon Offroad and grumpy old man Daou's collarbones thanks to this show.
Special shout-out to @lurkingshan because two of the posts above are answers to asks she put in my inbox that spawned project posts. Shan knows what the people want to hear!
Tagging @italianpersonwithashippersheart @benkaben @ellsieee @colourme-feral @pigglepiephi @impala124 no pressure tags and apologies if you've been tagged already!
#tumblr top 10#ql superlatives 2024#thank you for tagging me#typed so that i can stop thinking it#multi bl#bl meta#gl meta#addicted heroin thailand#love in the big city#ayaka chan wa hiroko senpai ni koishiteru#ayaka is in love with hiroko#let free the curse of taekwondo#wandee goodday#koi wo suru nara nidome ga joto#love is better the second time around#every you every me#century of love the series
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#WIP#art#vampire hunter d#vhd#Sorry I realize I've neglected the folks that only follow me on tumblr for a while !! 😭😭😭#mmm and sorry to anyone who follows me in different places y'all are probably sick of it (updated at least...)😭😭😭 forgive me 🥹🫶👐#Sorry I tend to focus on one social media at a time -I post the most liberally on my instagram's close friends#.... anyone is free to join it actually just send me a message there if you want ♡ (๑´• ᵕ •ू`๑)#I do want to make drawings that make people think more deeply - to give D the depth that Kikuchi doesn't allow us hahaha#Mmm.... I like some D jesus allegory 🤤 It kinda works if you think about it#then again stress turns me into a perv🌝 so don't have high hopes for the future - school oughhhh school....#Also I enjoy seeing strangers going like “husband” or what not - you're not oomf??? Who are you 😭😭😭#DW btw I actually really don't care LOL I just think it's funny#I'd rather that then be haunted by private quotes - there's 1 private quote on my Damned D and gosh I'm so curious😭🌝#Also I'm back in school it's my final year and I only got fall semester for my entire senior thesis so I won't be able to post as much..oug
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In the end, it is misogyny but in the form of that Imogen (and most of the female cast, if we are being fair) gets reduced to just being a woman to the point that criticizing any real flaw, wrong doing, or "hey i personally maybe perhaps don't like that she did this" is turned into an attack on her because she is a woman, because after all, all women are perfect and so so dainty they must be protected (sarcasm)
Without mentioning the attacking real women in the name of the fictional one
It really is the "God forbid a woman do anything" but in it's worst form
Sorry for venting, been having thoughts about the fandom for the past 5 years
YUP. I do recommend Unlikeable Female Characters by Anna Bogutskaya which I devoured in like, one sitting over my winter break and posted a bunch of excerpts from but this discourse is extremely not limited to the CR fandom. I mean, think about all of the endlessly churning nonsense about the women of Gone Girl and Midsommar. I am going to see Love Lies Bleeding tomorrow and have steered well clear of really any discussion because I simply would like to see buff lesbians in a crime drama but apparently the discourse is rancid.
Of course there are people who assume ill of female characters while excusing men. That is absolutely a big problem. But again, we can barely talk about that. I recently made a post about how Laura is not a particularly chaotic player, and indeed is one of the most cautious players in actual play, and again I think there is a serious and important conversation to be had about how there's probably a reason why, say, Travis and Taliesin are more likely to make extremely bold moves, because they didn't get raked over the coals during C1 for stealing a cool broom from a guest character! I actually think Marisha has managed to hang on to some of her boldness and it makes her a stronger player but I would not have been surprised if she retreated after the hate she got from Keyleth. But yeah, in actual play, bold moves are pretty important. We can't even talk about how real-world misogyny holds back the actual actors without some moronic wretch being like "FIGURES THAT A MISOGYNIST CUNT LIKE YOU LIKES A MALE ACTOR."
When a character who is a man - or in some cases, characters who are not men but are played by men - does something people don't like we can say "wow, I didn't like this, but it was an interesting choice by the actor!" but we aren't allowed to either talk about the reasons why a real world woman might hesitate to play a character who does ugly things - because of the misogynistic backlash that will land specifically on her as a real person - nor can we compliment her for going for it and playing a complex flawed character, because how DARE you say a woman is anything less than some kind of Divine Feminine ideal. At best you're allowed a two-dimensional caricature of She's So Sweet And Good But Sometimes Gets Angry (this also happened to my friend Keyleth).
And this might reveal my own biases but like. I as a woman don't love being called self-centered, but that, personally, would probably lead me to some reflection. If you call me a girlfailure, even jokingly, I am going to break your nose. It's really telling that like...one of the absolute no-brainer "hey stop calling grown women girls" feminist tenets has gone by the wayside particularly with the set of people who think that meta that fails to put women on so high a pedestal they are untouchable is misogynist. They are awful towards women, fictional and real.
A line that always stuck with me from, bizarrely, a book about wordplay, was that Victorian men would treat women of their same classes as their superiors, but never their equals - they would coddle them and protect them but they wouldn't actually engage with their thoughts and foibles. (This happened to my friend Jester).
Anyway my personal solution is to keep going. On some level, as my previous post indicates, while I don't want the harassment it also only underscores my point, that a lot of these people are way more invested in being a dick to women on the internet than writing meta about the pretend women they think they like. I have to imagine they're doing this because either think they're entitled to meta they like from people who can actually fucking write it because god knows most of the people making this complaint have the most "if you can't dazzle them with brillance, blind them with the most purple-prose bullshit you can muster" attitude; or because they literally are just champing at the bit to attack women online with the ostensible veneer of "but it's FEMINIST to call THESE women cunts because they said my blorbo wasn't saintly and flawless." However, again, I know that I'm pretty bullheaded and forcibly unlearned the uh, patriarchal idea that women should not be confrontational. I do not blame people who look at this whole situation and say "I'm going to keep my thoughts to myself because this is so unpleasant."
#answered#Anonymous#i got a ghost message too that i only assume is for the same reason as my previous anon#and like. ngl. i'm THIS close to naming suspected names. like i have tried to keep quiet but *rashinna voice* can we take out the trash#i'd love to see more meta about imogen but again i don't blame the people who are like nope not worth it.#cr tag
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hello, if i may join in on the character ask thingy, may i request mmx zero? (idk how much you know about that series, but just thought i would shoot my shot, also your art is a treat to see :D)
My unfocused self misread your question and I thought you said MMZ somehow, so here we go, you got two Zeros. (It's the same guy)
Send Me a Character
And I will tell you my:
First impression Following my deep dive into the Classic series, I would simultaneously check out the X series. So I'm actually fairly familiar with a good chunk of the characters there, especially X and Zero.
For those who have tracked me down here from the Deviantart days, you'd see I worked greatly on Classic and X prior to delving more personally into Battle Network (as I should've been in the first place).
Zero's design is a bit busier than X's, but I still find parts of it to be appealing. And I made it a very known fact my kiddo's hair is derived from his. So I am not immune to the pretty locks either. ^^;
I was also intrigued with his backstory and character. You may notice a big theme I like to work with in this series is "family", especially since it typically involves unconventional ones that aren't quite related by blood (they're robots, but also Zero's case is complicated). So not only did I find it interesting to depict a disconnect of Zero from his "roots", but he also finds some connection in X's side. Maybe not from everyone, but at least Dr. Light tries to understand him, even in-game.
And of course, I love seeing his dynamic with X, even when it's the very simple interactions. They compliment each other so well, especially since they don't quite fit in anywhere else.
I also like that Zero's VA gave him such a unique voice, the tone Mr. Gilbertson uses sounds so pleasant in my ears.
Impression now I still think Zero is appealing, and nothing much has changed there. But I don't think you can make me choose between him or his buddy.
I am aware of his great bias in the community for how overshadowingly cool he is, but I'll take him over the other Ryoutarou Okiayu character that does virtually the same thing elsewhere. Maybe it's because he's a robot, and I have a soft spot for them.
Favorite moment He and X get called "cute" in PxZ2 and that guy got cranky about it. Though, Zero didn't quite deny it in his response either.
"We may look cute, lady. But..." Yes that's because you two are.
Idea for a story A lot of people, me included, seem to agree that Zero and Roll could get along well. But wouldn't you wanna be on good terms with your best friend's older sister? Anywho, I have a few lighthearted ideas where the two would hangout, one of which involves working together to get something for X's birthday.
After all, wouldn't your best friend's older sister probably know what he wants the most?
Unpopular opinion I would pick MMX Zero over MMZ Zero any day. I don't think the story or atmosphere of the Zero series is bad, not at all! The premise and everything is a very unique turn in the franchise. However, it's just not my thing personally. Maybe other people ruined it for me.
Favorite relationship Take a look at the years upon years of art I have of this guy (and half the things I said here) and I think it'd be obvious. L(///L )
Favorite headcanon This is partly a friend's fault, but Zero's favorite spot is X's right shoulder. He'll get a little protective over it.
#I have to remember#some folks have not seen the bunches of -super rough and old- megaman art/comics I made back on deviantart#basically I worked mostly with rock and x more and only touched on the other subseries occasionally#while I knew them I'd get turned off from going more into the others when certain people would message me. A Lot. about it#I don't like being told what to do so that's what also turned me away from megaman for a while#so I hope it won't happen again#anywho I like the maverick hunters they're each so interesting ^^#in case that wasn't already known from me#Asks#Ask Mew#abrushstrokeofsilver#megaman zero#rockman zero#zero#sorry for the giant blurb thank you very much for your kind message ^^;
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#sorry sorry I just woke up and im having yesterday-was-weird thought again#and they are going here so i don't have to talk to the person that they're um about yet#basically im glad that im in a good enough space now that um#someone ive ive had text-based sex with and uhhh sent an ill-advised video to in like oct when i was Feeling Bad™ and doing. hm. too much.#like 6 months post text-based sex/ill adised video now aha and we've not spoke at all since like january and that was 'how was hols'#they asked to meet up 'not for sex just as friends' or i forget exact wording but basically that#no-pressure museum not-a-date#and i said I'd think about it. because i am as everyone knows a fucking idiot.#basically im glad that im in a better place now than the last time someone like expressed an interest in me as a person#because while this did give me a day long wobble i didn't have a full weekend long actual panic about it#tho they are two v different situs#an ace poly friend asking to go out with me vs someone i uh virtually fucked aha um asking to meet up for (mostly) being-friends purposes#same several-hours-later 'oh god no what have i done bad bad bad no thank you actually no sorry i cant sorry' but less intense this time#but at least i only said ill think about it?#and not actually immediately said yes because it's nice to feel wanted#and then gone Maximum Regret™ because actually all of this is way too much i don't like it i don't want it thank you but im sorry no#weird. i guess i don't have such a high baseline stress level any more? since i'm not at uni n stuff#and someone over messages going no pressure you want to be irl friends (maybe fwb no pressure)? is um#is different. to someone irl going you want to go out acely? yeah? awesome lets hold hands here is the discord with a whole buncha people#i guess#but i am being equally aro-not-super-ace Autism™ about it aha#and i am. eventually. going to be like. thought about it and no sorry. eventually.#if they ask again#i am kinda hoping they'll leave it there and forget they asked so i don't have to navigate social stuff#im much better at navigating canals everybody leave me alone please thank you#(everybody over there leave me alone. y'know. you guys are fine.)
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Me panicking because i have 9 missed calls and 5 emails talking about my absence and how "a colleague could take over for me" vs. Me knowing it's really not that important no matter how pushy a client is and that on top of it I'm underpaid and have way to much overtime so i shouldn't even care
#i have 14 hours overtime#collected within 2 weeks lol#you know how it's apparently mandatory for companies in germany to have a way track employees working time? yeah we're#the only company in the whole fucking country who doesn't do that (obviously that's not true there's probably plenty more but it's#still not right.) so we don't get paid overtime nor does it get acknowledged in any way#so technically we're not allowed to even it out (which most people try to do anyway because tf do they think they are asking us to work for#free) but I'm dedicated to not collect any more unpaid working hours so i take the liberty to leave work early this week#so today i left at 12pm (and then got home 4 hours later because another person decided to kill themselves by train. they should call me#first. or anyone else taking the train. I'm sure there'd be plenty of volunteers to do the killing if it means not another miserable day#stuck in a disgusting train). and i logged in again at 6pm today to see if i have anything important messages (stupid i know)#and i saw the missed calls and that there had been an email exchange with me in the cc talking about the 'changes' made in one of the#articles and that someone else could do that for me since i couldn't be reached and at first i felt ashamed and scared#but now it's honestly just pissing me off. that asshole can't write emails and communicate requests like normal people can he#he already called me last week about something completely stupid and acts like his matters are the most important shit in the world#fuck you if you can't wait one day you should have sent this a month earlier because i won't stay online everyday#just to see if there might be an 'important' change you want me to make Immediately. bitch.#also missed two calls from my colleague but she didn't send any messages about what she wanted so i asked her because i felt bad for not#being online and turns out she wanted Nothing. just hear how i was. JUST TEXT ME THEN???? I HATE IT HERE FUCK YOU#seriously i don't get paid enough for this to bother me so much. she probably gets 12-15€ more than me per hour#of course she doesn't care about her overtime as much as i do. i get minimum wage which is less than what I'd get if i still worked at uni#as a student assistant so fuck this shit it's really not important or worth it. from now on i'll only put in minimum effort too#sorry got carried away. rant over now i guess#void screams#work stuff
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I'm... kind of confused about this? Like Ignatz is basically saying the only way for people to move forward is by continuing to fight and destroy? That's a pretty awful message in general, but coming from Ignatz it just feels weird. It sounds like he's just accepted war and that it's just... something that happens so we should shrug it off and move on?
I know this game tends to have very strong pro-war/pro-invasion messages which is already really gross to me, but it went from being annoying and icky to just making me feel disgusted. Also, Ignatz of all people shouldn't just shrug his shoulders and be like well that's just the way of things, I guess! There's an active war going on so it makes sense that towns could be rebuilt and destroyed again. It doesn't mean just give up on it.
Also really doesn't feel like an Ignatz thing to say.
#DCB Three Hopes Run#I'll be honest I have very low opinions of people when I see them say shit like#Edelgard is in the right and it she was justified to invade territories#if there was provocation/she was attacked by another territory first I'd get it#but I can't sympathize with the concept in general of attacking another nation that has nothing to do with you#it feels absolutely disgusting and seeing people actually DEFEND that is extremely concerning about their real life values#especially when she's very open about how the purpose of it is conquest and not actually the Church#and no nobody can use the Faerghus sheltering refugees as an excuse bc she attacks them in both games#and they didn't shelter the Church at all outside CF. in Hopes it's just a reason the writers needed to be able to#make it so the game had a similar story to Houses and to give a reason so the war still happened#Faerghus was quite literally minding its own business and growing at an astoundingly fast pace#and suddenly they have to decide whose side to take in a war? they didn't want to go to war but they were forced#and Ignatz here basically shrugging his shoulders figuring it's just a way of life to be at war is... not a good message#people who initiate war do it for their own political and territorial gain and that's true of this story too#it's not a question of whether or not it was Edelgard's goal bc she just outright SAYS it is#like... she's not hiding it? she's not trying to dodge the fact? and like again you can like her character as a fictional character#but it would be like if I said I love Ashnard and bc of that I agreed with his goals ideals and values and that#he was justified in attacking Crimea and torturing laguz. he's a really cool character and I love what he brings to the story#but there's a fine line between finding a fictional character interesting/fascinating#and outright defending their actions and basically saying conquest is okay as long as you tell people it's for another reason#i.e. Edelgard gave the propaganda about ''for the people'' but that wasn't her goal. if it WAS#she'd be contacting Dimitri in those two years like hey I see you guys are making strides in your politics mind giving us some advice#if her goal was for the people she would've spent those two years for the people and fixing shit not preparing for war#it just... really leaves a sick feeling for me that people legitimately believe her violence is justified and that here Ignatz is basically#saying that war is just a thing we all should just accept. like... how is war the only way for humans to move forward???#the one good thing Twitter does is that it tries to at least give sympathies to attacked nations#if this game was real you'd be seeing ''Faerghus attacked'' ''Faerghus invaded'' ''pray for Faerghus'' all over Twitter lmao#like if this was never a fictional story and if it was just real life there would have been only support on social media
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#*beep* oh. hey. guess you're sleeping? maybe you're at work. or out with friends. i hope wherever you are it's good#or that it's getting better. i really do#i'm not good. but you knew that already. otherwise why would i be leaving this message?#sorry. i just need to talk for a bit i guess#cause it's like. every day i write a hundred posts and every day i delete most if not all of them#and i could not tell you why#this is my blog after all. my words and thoughts go here#but also. this is my third place. and i can't lose that#isn't that crazy? i can't lose the handful of notes from reblogging other people's posts#the idea that somehow i'm constructing myself in the cut and paste instead of doing something myself#and i do try to make posts of my own. but nothing's ever worth posting. i don't even let it rot in the drafts. it's just gone#and i try to think about what would stop me from doing this#which inevitably brought me here - what would i be doing if it were fifty years ago#and i think the answer is i'd be calling someone who used to care and blowing up their answering machine#and i think about old answering machines. the ones that need a tape to record the message#does dora just re-record over the tapes that harry fills?#does she trash them? i'm guessing she doesn't listen to them#i won't tell you what to do with this message. i'll spare you a call to action#it's not like a diary would fix this. i have a diary. i've been keeping one regularly for months now#i think i want to be perceived but i refuse to speak unless spoken to and i will not reach out on here unless i'm being a kindly anon#and when i talk irl it's all broken disjointed subjects without predicates#it takes such effort for me to talk that people stop asking me out of kindness. but there's still thoughts i haven't said#thoughts that don't need to be said. we don't *need* another person rambling on about whatever random fandom topic or half-assed scribbles#i tried making serious art and meta posts for like four years across different fandoms#it's all gone now. as is most of my poetry. lotta things i don't know or care to know#and i can't bring myself to do that again. esp if that's not why you're here. so like. it's easier just to remain quiet?#because. i know people *can* understand. but it takes effort#and i can't guarantee a return on investment. i don't know if the cost of teaching me how to talk again is worth it#god i want to infodump but that was beaten out of me. the need is still there but i can't. it hurts#idk. things are good and then things are bad and on the whole they're good and getting better
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got on to Facebook for the first time in awhile and i actually enjoyed seeing how many of my classmates have kids already. im so glad alexis has a 2 kids already that's what you get for telling me i looked ugly with straight hair in 5th grade
#lot of wedding pictures. a lot of u are going to get divorced 💖#saw a couple of my friends and thought about messaging them but. whats the point i havent heard from them in years#i'd have to talk abt my amputation and everything around that#and that ALWAYS dominates the conversation and ive found that i dont hear from people again after that#i think it bums them out lol#its so weird cause i can see where theyre like woah that's so crazy that it happened to you now let me compare that to my life#and be grateful for being able bodied. no reason to speak to me after that im just a bummer#and there's no space for me in their life. so. just me#wytxt
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I think that if you are going to comment a silly little joke about drugs, or if you are going to have a username that is a "cute" play on words about serious addictions, you should consider the odds whether the person you are about to address has personal experience and feelings regarding that particular subject--and the odds are definitely non-zero.
#it's so hard#I have no desire to control others or how they interact with the world#but I also don't enjoy waking up to frankly triggering usernames in my inbox#it's not their fault I have the past that I have#but I also don't find anything fun or cute about it#I find it truly distasteful#and there's no way for them to know that unless someone says like hey this name is distasteful and you could reconsider using it#and it's weird to try to figure out whether I should tell a complete stranger like#I'd prefer it if you never messaged me again because I never want to see your username again#I mean I guess I could and should just block them#and they won't know why#and it just kind of sucks#like maybe they legit don't care that people might hate the pun and would be fine with being blocked for it#but maybe they would care and hadn't thought about it
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Why do you prefer the original ending to Pretty In Pink over the rewritten ones? Ringwald and McArthy have apparently not vouched for the original ending from the beginning
My understanding is that Molly Ringwald was one of those who most wanted it be changed. And I think she's completely wrong if so.
I wrote a post about this back when I first saw the film where it was fresh and I could explain why, which unfortunately I can't find, but yeah it was obvious to me watching it that she was not supposed to end up with Blane, that he did not respect her, and the film/her character arc would have been much stronger if she'd gone to prom with Ducky as was originally intended.
I'd have to watch it again to go into it, but I remember it was clearly a theme where she wanted it to be Romeo&Juliet thing, but it wasn't. It wasn't people connecting across a class divide and transcending that, he was an actual snob and she liked an idea of him that didn't exist. It was in fierce contrast to her really genuine connection with Ducky. It was not a 'settling for the Nice Guy' triangle or something where Blane was a foil and equal she's not allowed to have, the original ending was about missing what's in front of you because you're too tied up in trappings and what you're supposed to want. There was a powerful affirmation for her in realising she didn't need approval from assholes. There was commentary on disposable wealth and consumerism versus authentic creativity. Middle school level, but it was there.
Hughes went on to make Some Kind of Wonderful which follows the original outline/themes of Pretty in Pink, just genderswapped, but that movie didn't have the chemistry or strong enough characters to make it very satisfying imo.
#I know it's a classic for a lot of people but Ducky was actually the only special or memorable thing about it tbh#and it was clear to me he was written as her Right Man#where there's a scene with Blane where the original intent was to show he's not a good dude and has a weak character and she sees it#that was only kinda softened when they tried to make the rest of the film match up with the reshot ending#like it just shows#the writing is not building towards vindicating Blane or them ending up together#he's not her match and isn't really what she wants#also I vaguely recall it gives the movie this unpleasant implication that materialism is great#again I'd have to watch it again to go into it with chapter and verse#but the film's intended messages were badly subverted by trying to make Blane into an endgame love interest
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Got the results of the MRI.
No signs of anything bad.
Hmm...
#doctor continued to push for me switching to a different kind of pill. so fine. we'll give it a shot#currently i'm doing yoga-exercises every morning and evening. and i still very much enjoy my microwaved pillow on my back#when i wake up in the morning. like. do i NEED it? not really. but it's very nice. and this is with my half-dose (only evening)#of my regular pills on top of that. so. i'm marking this in the calendar as the day i stop taking those pills#and start taking the recommended pills instead. she says it's better that i take 3-4 of those per day than the dosage i've been on#but the box says that i'm allowed a max of 8/day. so if the pain starts up again (it's winter. so it should bother me less)#we'll start off with 2pills/dose morning-and-evening. and add another 2pill-dose somewhere in the middle if it doesn't work.#(dunno how long i'd be able to survive this. but current thoughts are to experiment with it for a week-ish)#and then. if it gets too bad? i break out my old pills (i still have them) and send her a message that her idea didn't work. at all.#not sure what results i'm hoping for but being able to say ''i told you so'' is at least a nice feeling?#though i'd prefer to just do maybe a few more yoga-exercises and not have to bother with the pills.#personal stuff#also. like. i get that my health is kind of shit. but normal people can sleep without waking up in pain.#normal people can wake up in the morning and pull their covers over their heads and laze about without gritting their teeth.#so i don't feel like this is a ''normal'' problem? which i feel like something like ''lack of exercise'' should be?#as in. if it was simply that i didn't do a specific and weird exercise every morning? then my pain should probably be the norm?
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trying to process and heal from the trauma that a certain someone caused me and trying to talk myself through it (while being plural and mentally unstable) is currently going somewhere along these lines
(warning: some pretty triggering and very personal discussions from me in the tags however feel free to just relate to the funny pitture)
#bug's art#personal post#vent#talk about grooming / sa ahead be warned >>#This is like. Not about some vague shit or someone being mean to me. This is straight up about someone who groomed me#i feel Insane because i am an Adult and i only figured it out RECENTLY#me and this person arent talking anymore. But. But.#Whenever i remember he still has a wholeass presence on the internet. And he talks to people. And he has friends. I just want to [redacted]#Not even mentioning all the emotional abuse and years of trauma he had caused me I literally wanted to die every single day because of him#And because i've grown into the pain so much i literally never stopped to fucking THINK ABOUT ANY OF THIS!!#And the worst part is. If it happened to anyone else i'd hope so much that the person who did this would rot in hell. literally just Rot#But because it's about me it's just like Haha well i guess it happened. [screams of pain on the background]. dont be like me please.#So yeah i am once again oversharing However i just want to put this message out there for anyone who relates:#BE MAD!!! BE FUCKING MAD!!! BE MAD AT PEOPLE WHO ABUSED YOU!!! BE MAD AT PEOPLE WHO TRAUMATIZED YOU#YOU NEVER EVER EVER EVER HAVE TO FORGIVE THEM. FUCK THEM#Be mad for it is righteous and it will lead you to happiness even if it'll take a long time. you deserve to be happy. you will get there#sensitive topics#tw abuse
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Since I just checked my ask box for the first time in a hot minute:
Just a note that tumblr doesn't tell me when I have new asks or messages and I rarely check my notifications. Helpful corrections of misinformation/any messages in good faith are appreciated (though it's possible I won't see them until weeks later, sorry), but if something I reblog angers you enough you feel the need to get hostile in my askbox on anon, I reccomend the unfollow button.
I'm also not comfortable posting asks asking for any sort of donations/directing people to your blog for donation purposes, sorry :// I just don't have time to vet asks like that
#feel like I've had more hostile asks than usual in the last year or so#(with the usual number being none and the recent number being more than none)#I'm not sure if it's like (1) person who hatefollowed and now just wants to be nitpicky about everything#or if the culture of the site changed when i wasn't paying attention and people are back to being hostile#my theory is that the fall of twitter means twitter users are coming back to tumblr and bringing their hostility with them#also i can't believe i have to say this AGAIN#but while what i reblog is generally in line with what i believe...#sometimes i reblog stuff bc it's interesting and makes points i haven't heard before#or i like the overall message even tho there's a few pieces I'm iffy about#or it's not how I'd say it or i feel like it's lacking in some nuance but still think the point is worth making#if you see a really consistent take on my blog with consistent framing then yeah safe to assume it's probably reflective of how i feel#but if you have problems with the phrasing or framing of a specific post maybe take that up with the OP??#i can find someone's speech worthy of dissemination without agreeing with every word#I'm not going to take responsibility for other ppl's phrasing esp if it's just the phrasing or framing in one post and not a theme 4 my blog#sometimes i just think things are an interesting conversation or worthy of talking abt even if not everyone is saying things 100% correctly#feel free to come for me for things i actually write. but I'm not gonna take responsibility for other people's phrasing#(AGAIN with the understanding that like. if I were constantly reblogging posts with slurs or something that would be different)#this just in humans are complex and do not agree 1000% with every post they've ever shared online#pls hold me accountable for things i actually say...#a good example of a VALID critique was when i was following a secret terf and i was accidentally reblogging things with terf OPs semi-often#there was concern i was a terf (i am not... just bad at spotting terf dogwhistles) bc there were a few of these like...#not explicitly terfy but like popular with terf posts on my blog#so thanks again to whoever let me know so i could hunt down the secret terf i was following and unfollow#and even tho it's not true that I'm a terf it was a valid concern bc of the consistency#if u think the phrasing or framing in (1) singular post i reblogged is sooooo horrible... pls take it up with the OP#again with obvious exceptions of like. hate speech. slurs. actual alt right talking points. content in the post that is directly harmful#but anons in my inbox have been Big Mad abt like. one line in one post. or one bad piece of framing#or one not quite nuanced enough take. or one framing where not every person in the world was considered#so pls take that shit up with the person who actually wrote the post and stop acting like i personally came to your house#and yelled the words of whatever post at your grandma and then was mean to your dog
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