#(I'd like to NOT HAVE to message people again about this)
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Damn i really want to know tf happened in the writing room of arcane s2. Some of the downgrades were inevitable due to the show's corporate limitations (not being able to progress the class war story in a meaningful way, having to tie things back to league of legends in terms of making playable characters more appealing to well, play... rip Mel and Viktor in particular), sure. But i still feel like it's even worse than that? There are so many bad decisions that i couldn't even start listing them all... the characters, plot, pacing, themes, it's just such a mess? Even the dialogue writing, it feels much more mm Marvel at its worst i suppose. What i am most bothered by is probably just the straight up harmful messaging so um... Cycles of violence and abuse can be broken by individual decisions to become a better person! Got nothing to do with systemic oppression, living conditions, mental health issues, you can just conveniently ignore aaall the social context, live laugh love and then things get better automatically yep, oppressors famously stop oppressing you when you show them that you're harmless and won't put up a fight anymore. Literally three out of three suicidal characters dying to redeem themselves? Not even in a tragic/cathartic way but in a bittersweet 'they finally atoned for their mistakes' way? Groundbreaking lmao. Romantic relationship between Vi and Caitlyn including no communication about their biggest fight, just conveniently skipping to sex and getting back together - would have loved that if it was framed as the unhealthy fucked up thing that it is, skipping over Vi's hurt and her background to once again become a cop, her girlfriend's direct underling at that (!) due to her not having any other support systems... But nope that was our cute lesbian romance wrapped up, a good thing all around, not concerning at all. Jayce telling Viktor that what he 'always admired about him' was his disability and his deadly disease (??? from a character who spent the whole s1 and first act of s2 desperately trying to help Viktor find a cure? sure) and that those imperfections don't need fixing, just wtf truly. Magic bullshit was also weird, some implications of 'natural magic is ok, but achieving that power through other means corrupts you into a crazy robot bitch or just wilts your trees i guess', but tbh it was written in such a weird and inconsistent way that we can skip this one... Yeah actually a lot of things were just such a mess that I feel silly pointing to specific moments or lines I didn't like, I mean duh, it barely makes sense as a story at all... I am happy we have s1 which comparatively was a masterpiece, and i also really enjoyed s2 act1, i truly believed it would lead somewhere good at the time, my mind still kind of cuts off the story at that point when i think about it, that WAS the open ending of the show to me (is it possible that there were rewrites? targeting act 2 and 3? idk, wishful thinking perhaps). Despite my extremely negative feelings about this season's conclusion i remain glad that so many people appreciate the show regardless, it is clear that there was STILL a lot of love in the process of its creation (although i'd argue that even some of the visual aspects of the show suffered in quality, once again i have to wonder about behind the scenes mood of it all) and i get very upset when i see creatives online despairing over reception of their projects even when i'm absolutely in the disgruntled crowd hahaha... ...however yeah, this wasn't great In a world that increasingly grows more and more right-wing politically... we really needed something different i think.
#tbh i also feel a little annoyed that all the league jayvik fans were right all along#i always rolled my eyes like oh shush changing the characters doesnt mean ruining them#and here we are#boo boo the fool jpeg#arcane spoilers#arcane s2 spoilers#arcane critical#negative#ranting#text#long post
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#WIP#art#vampire hunter d#vhd#Sorry I realize I've neglected the folks that only follow me on tumblr for a while !! 😭😭😭#mmm and sorry to anyone who follows me in different places y'all are probably sick of it (updated at least...)😭😭😭 forgive me 🥹🫶👐#Sorry I tend to focus on one social media at a time -I post the most liberally on my instagram's close friends#.... anyone is free to join it actually just send me a message there if you want ♡ (๑´• ᵕ •ू`๑)#I do want to make drawings that make people think more deeply - to give D the depth that Kikuchi doesn't allow us hahaha#Mmm.... I like some D jesus allegory 🤤 It kinda works if you think about it#then again stress turns me into a perv🌝 so don't have high hopes for the future - school oughhhh school....#Also I enjoy seeing strangers going like “husband” or what not - you're not oomf??? Who are you 😭😭😭#DW btw I actually really don't care LOL I just think it's funny#I'd rather that then be haunted by private quotes - there's 1 private quote on my Damned D and gosh I'm so curious😭🌝#Also I'm back in school it's my final year and I only got fall semester for my entire senior thesis so I won't be able to post as much..oug
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In the end, it is misogyny but in the form of that Imogen (and most of the female cast, if we are being fair) gets reduced to just being a woman to the point that criticizing any real flaw, wrong doing, or "hey i personally maybe perhaps don't like that she did this" is turned into an attack on her because she is a woman, because after all, all women are perfect and so so dainty they must be protected (sarcasm)
Without mentioning the attacking real women in the name of the fictional one
It really is the "God forbid a woman do anything" but in it's worst form
Sorry for venting, been having thoughts about the fandom for the past 5 years
YUP. I do recommend Unlikeable Female Characters by Anna Bogutskaya which I devoured in like, one sitting over my winter break and posted a bunch of excerpts from but this discourse is extremely not limited to the CR fandom. I mean, think about all of the endlessly churning nonsense about the women of Gone Girl and Midsommar. I am going to see Love Lies Bleeding tomorrow and have steered well clear of really any discussion because I simply would like to see buff lesbians in a crime drama but apparently the discourse is rancid.
Of course there are people who assume ill of female characters while excusing men. That is absolutely a big problem. But again, we can barely talk about that. I recently made a post about how Laura is not a particularly chaotic player, and indeed is one of the most cautious players in actual play, and again I think there is a serious and important conversation to be had about how there's probably a reason why, say, Travis and Taliesin are more likely to make extremely bold moves, because they didn't get raked over the coals during C1 for stealing a cool broom from a guest character! I actually think Marisha has managed to hang on to some of her boldness and it makes her a stronger player but I would not have been surprised if she retreated after the hate she got from Keyleth. But yeah, in actual play, bold moves are pretty important. We can't even talk about how real-world misogyny holds back the actual actors without some moronic wretch being like "FIGURES THAT A MISOGYNIST CUNT LIKE YOU LIKES A MALE ACTOR."
When a character who is a man - or in some cases, characters who are not men but are played by men - does something people don't like we can say "wow, I didn't like this, but it was an interesting choice by the actor!" but we aren't allowed to either talk about the reasons why a real world woman might hesitate to play a character who does ugly things - because of the misogynistic backlash that will land specifically on her as a real person - nor can we compliment her for going for it and playing a complex flawed character, because how DARE you say a woman is anything less than some kind of Divine Feminine ideal. At best you're allowed a two-dimensional caricature of She's So Sweet And Good But Sometimes Gets Angry (this also happened to my friend Keyleth).
And this might reveal my own biases but like. I as a woman don't love being called self-centered, but that, personally, would probably lead me to some reflection. If you call me a girlfailure, even jokingly, I am going to break your nose. It's really telling that like...one of the absolute no-brainer "hey stop calling grown women girls" feminist tenets has gone by the wayside particularly with the set of people who think that meta that fails to put women on so high a pedestal they are untouchable is misogynist. They are awful towards women, fictional and real.
A line that always stuck with me from, bizarrely, a book about wordplay, was that Victorian men would treat women of their same classes as their superiors, but never their equals - they would coddle them and protect them but they wouldn't actually engage with their thoughts and foibles. (This happened to my friend Jester).
Anyway my personal solution is to keep going. On some level, as my previous post indicates, while I don't want the harassment it also only underscores my point, that a lot of these people are way more invested in being a dick to women on the internet than writing meta about the pretend women they think they like. I have to imagine they're doing this because either think they're entitled to meta they like from people who can actually fucking write it because god knows most of the people making this complaint have the most "if you can't dazzle them with brillance, blind them with the most purple-prose bullshit you can muster" attitude; or because they literally are just champing at the bit to attack women online with the ostensible veneer of "but it's FEMINIST to call THESE women cunts because they said my blorbo wasn't saintly and flawless." However, again, I know that I'm pretty bullheaded and forcibly unlearned the uh, patriarchal idea that women should not be confrontational. I do not blame people who look at this whole situation and say "I'm going to keep my thoughts to myself because this is so unpleasant."
#answered#Anonymous#i got a ghost message too that i only assume is for the same reason as my previous anon#and like. ngl. i'm THIS close to naming suspected names. like i have tried to keep quiet but *rashinna voice* can we take out the trash#i'd love to see more meta about imogen but again i don't blame the people who are like nope not worth it.#cr tag
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hello, if i may join in on the character ask thingy, may i request mmx zero? (idk how much you know about that series, but just thought i would shoot my shot, also your art is a treat to see :D)
My unfocused self misread your question and I thought you said MMZ somehow, so here we go, you got two Zeros. (It's the same guy)
Send Me a Character
And I will tell you my:
First impression Following my deep dive into the Classic series, I would simultaneously check out the X series. So I'm actually fairly familiar with a good chunk of the characters there, especially X and Zero.
For those who have tracked me down here from the Deviantart days, you'd see I worked greatly on Classic and X prior to delving more personally into Battle Network (as I should've been in the first place).
Zero's design is a bit busier than X's, but I still find parts of it to be appealing. And I made it a very known fact my kiddo's hair is derived from his. So I am not immune to the pretty locks either. ^^;
I was also intrigued with his backstory and character. You may notice a big theme I like to work with in this series is "family", especially since it typically involves unconventional ones that aren't quite related by blood (they're robots, but also Zero's case is complicated). So not only did I find it interesting to depict a disconnect of Zero from his "roots", but he also finds some connection in X's side. Maybe not from everyone, but at least Dr. Light tries to understand him, even in-game.
And of course, I love seeing his dynamic with X, even when it's the very simple interactions. They compliment each other so well, especially since they don't quite fit in anywhere else.
I also like that Zero's VA gave him such a unique voice, the tone Mr. Gilbertson uses sounds so pleasant in my ears.
Impression now I still think Zero is appealing, and nothing much has changed there. But I don't think you can make me choose between him or his buddy.
I am aware of his great bias in the community for how overshadowingly cool he is, but I'll take him over the other Ryoutarou Okiayu character that does virtually the same thing elsewhere. Maybe it's because he's a robot, and I have a soft spot for them.
Favorite moment He and X get called "cute" in PxZ2 and that guy got cranky about it. Though, Zero didn't quite deny it in his response either.
"We may look cute, lady. But..." Yes that's because you two are.
Idea for a story A lot of people, me included, seem to agree that Zero and Roll could get along well. But wouldn't you wanna be on good terms with your best friend's older sister? Anywho, I have a few lighthearted ideas where the two would hangout, one of which involves working together to get something for X's birthday.
After all, wouldn't your best friend's older sister probably know what he wants the most?
Unpopular opinion I would pick MMX Zero over MMZ Zero any day. I don't think the story or atmosphere of the Zero series is bad, not at all! The premise and everything is a very unique turn in the franchise. However, it's just not my thing personally. Maybe other people ruined it for me.
Favorite relationship Take a look at the years upon years of art I have of this guy (and half the things I said here) and I think it'd be obvious. L(///L )
Favorite headcanon This is partly a friend's fault, but Zero's favorite spot is X's right shoulder. He'll get a little protective over it.
#I have to remember#some folks have not seen the bunches of -super rough and old- megaman art/comics I made back on deviantart#basically I worked mostly with rock and x more and only touched on the other subseries occasionally#while I knew them I'd get turned off from going more into the others when certain people would message me. A Lot. about it#I don't like being told what to do so that's what also turned me away from megaman for a while#so I hope it won't happen again#anywho I like the maverick hunters they're each so interesting ^^#in case that wasn't already known from me#Asks#Ask Mew#abrushstrokeofsilver#megaman zero#rockman zero#zero#sorry for the giant blurb thank you very much for your kind message ^^;
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#sorry sorry I just woke up and im having yesterday-was-weird thought again#and they are going here so i don't have to talk to the person that they're um about yet#basically im glad that im in a good enough space now that um#someone ive ive had text-based sex with and uhhh sent an ill-advised video to in like oct when i was Feeling Bad™ and doing. hm. too much.#like 6 months post text-based sex/ill adised video now aha and we've not spoke at all since like january and that was 'how was hols'#they asked to meet up 'not for sex just as friends' or i forget exact wording but basically that#no-pressure museum not-a-date#and i said I'd think about it. because i am as everyone knows a fucking idiot.#basically im glad that im in a better place now than the last time someone like expressed an interest in me as a person#because while this did give me a day long wobble i didn't have a full weekend long actual panic about it#tho they are two v different situs#an ace poly friend asking to go out with me vs someone i uh virtually fucked aha um asking to meet up for (mostly) being-friends purposes#same several-hours-later 'oh god no what have i done bad bad bad no thank you actually no sorry i cant sorry' but less intense this time#but at least i only said ill think about it?#and not actually immediately said yes because it's nice to feel wanted#and then gone Maximum Regret™ because actually all of this is way too much i don't like it i don't want it thank you but im sorry no#weird. i guess i don't have such a high baseline stress level any more? since i'm not at uni n stuff#and someone over messages going no pressure you want to be irl friends (maybe fwb no pressure)? is um#is different. to someone irl going you want to go out acely? yeah? awesome lets hold hands here is the discord with a whole buncha people#i guess#but i am being equally aro-not-super-ace Autism™ about it aha#and i am. eventually. going to be like. thought about it and no sorry. eventually.#if they ask again#i am kinda hoping they'll leave it there and forget they asked so i don't have to navigate social stuff#im much better at navigating canals everybody leave me alone please thank you#(everybody over there leave me alone. y'know. you guys are fine.)
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Me panicking because i have 9 missed calls and 5 emails talking about my absence and how "a colleague could take over for me" vs. Me knowing it's really not that important no matter how pushy a client is and that on top of it I'm underpaid and have way to much overtime so i shouldn't even care
#i have 14 hours overtime#collected within 2 weeks lol#you know how it's apparently mandatory for companies in germany to have a way track employees working time? yeah we're#the only company in the whole fucking country who doesn't do that (obviously that's not true there's probably plenty more but it's#still not right.) so we don't get paid overtime nor does it get acknowledged in any way#so technically we're not allowed to even it out (which most people try to do anyway because tf do they think they are asking us to work for#free) but I'm dedicated to not collect any more unpaid working hours so i take the liberty to leave work early this week#so today i left at 12pm (and then got home 4 hours later because another person decided to kill themselves by train. they should call me#first. or anyone else taking the train. I'm sure there'd be plenty of volunteers to do the killing if it means not another miserable day#stuck in a disgusting train). and i logged in again at 6pm today to see if i have anything important messages (stupid i know)#and i saw the missed calls and that there had been an email exchange with me in the cc talking about the 'changes' made in one of the#articles and that someone else could do that for me since i couldn't be reached and at first i felt ashamed and scared#but now it's honestly just pissing me off. that asshole can't write emails and communicate requests like normal people can he#he already called me last week about something completely stupid and acts like his matters are the most important shit in the world#fuck you if you can't wait one day you should have sent this a month earlier because i won't stay online everyday#just to see if there might be an 'important' change you want me to make Immediately. bitch.#also missed two calls from my colleague but she didn't send any messages about what she wanted so i asked her because i felt bad for not#being online and turns out she wanted Nothing. just hear how i was. JUST TEXT ME THEN???? I HATE IT HERE FUCK YOU#seriously i don't get paid enough for this to bother me so much. she probably gets 12-15€ more than me per hour#of course she doesn't care about her overtime as much as i do. i get minimum wage which is less than what I'd get if i still worked at uni#as a student assistant so fuck this shit it's really not important or worth it. from now on i'll only put in minimum effort too#sorry got carried away. rant over now i guess#void screams#work stuff
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I'm... kind of confused about this? Like Ignatz is basically saying the only way for people to move forward is by continuing to fight and destroy? That's a pretty awful message in general, but coming from Ignatz it just feels weird. It sounds like he's just accepted war and that it's just... something that happens so we should shrug it off and move on?
I know this game tends to have very strong pro-war/pro-invasion messages which is already really gross to me, but it went from being annoying and icky to just making me feel disgusted. Also, Ignatz of all people shouldn't just shrug his shoulders and be like well that's just the way of things, I guess! There's an active war going on so it makes sense that towns could be rebuilt and destroyed again. It doesn't mean just give up on it.
Also really doesn't feel like an Ignatz thing to say.
#DCB Three Hopes Run#I'll be honest I have very low opinions of people when I see them say shit like#Edelgard is in the right and it she was justified to invade territories#if there was provocation/she was attacked by another territory first I'd get it#but I can't sympathize with the concept in general of attacking another nation that has nothing to do with you#it feels absolutely disgusting and seeing people actually DEFEND that is extremely concerning about their real life values#especially when she's very open about how the purpose of it is conquest and not actually the Church#and no nobody can use the Faerghus sheltering refugees as an excuse bc she attacks them in both games#and they didn't shelter the Church at all outside CF. in Hopes it's just a reason the writers needed to be able to#make it so the game had a similar story to Houses and to give a reason so the war still happened#Faerghus was quite literally minding its own business and growing at an astoundingly fast pace#and suddenly they have to decide whose side to take in a war? they didn't want to go to war but they were forced#and Ignatz here basically shrugging his shoulders figuring it's just a way of life to be at war is... not a good message#people who initiate war do it for their own political and territorial gain and that's true of this story too#it's not a question of whether or not it was Edelgard's goal bc she just outright SAYS it is#like... she's not hiding it? she's not trying to dodge the fact? and like again you can like her character as a fictional character#but it would be like if I said I love Ashnard and bc of that I agreed with his goals ideals and values and that#he was justified in attacking Crimea and torturing laguz. he's a really cool character and I love what he brings to the story#but there's a fine line between finding a fictional character interesting/fascinating#and outright defending their actions and basically saying conquest is okay as long as you tell people it's for another reason#i.e. Edelgard gave the propaganda about ''for the people'' but that wasn't her goal. if it WAS#she'd be contacting Dimitri in those two years like hey I see you guys are making strides in your politics mind giving us some advice#if her goal was for the people she would've spent those two years for the people and fixing shit not preparing for war#it just... really leaves a sick feeling for me that people legitimately believe her violence is justified and that here Ignatz is basically#saying that war is just a thing we all should just accept. like... how is war the only way for humans to move forward???#the one good thing Twitter does is that it tries to at least give sympathies to attacked nations#if this game was real you'd be seeing ''Faerghus attacked'' ''Faerghus invaded'' ''pray for Faerghus'' all over Twitter lmao#like if this was never a fictional story and if it was just real life there would have been only support on social media
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#*beep* oh. hey. guess you're sleeping? maybe you're at work. or out with friends. i hope wherever you are it's good#or that it's getting better. i really do#i'm not good. but you knew that already. otherwise why would i be leaving this message?#sorry. i just need to talk for a bit i guess#cause it's like. every day i write a hundred posts and every day i delete most if not all of them#and i could not tell you why#this is my blog after all. my words and thoughts go here#but also. this is my third place. and i can't lose that#isn't that crazy? i can't lose the handful of notes from reblogging other people's posts#the idea that somehow i'm constructing myself in the cut and paste instead of doing something myself#and i do try to make posts of my own. but nothing's ever worth posting. i don't even let it rot in the drafts. it's just gone#and i try to think about what would stop me from doing this#which inevitably brought me here - what would i be doing if it were fifty years ago#and i think the answer is i'd be calling someone who used to care and blowing up their answering machine#and i think about old answering machines. the ones that need a tape to record the message#does dora just re-record over the tapes that harry fills?#does she trash them? i'm guessing she doesn't listen to them#i won't tell you what to do with this message. i'll spare you a call to action#it's not like a diary would fix this. i have a diary. i've been keeping one regularly for months now#i think i want to be perceived but i refuse to speak unless spoken to and i will not reach out on here unless i'm being a kindly anon#and when i talk irl it's all broken disjointed subjects without predicates#it takes such effort for me to talk that people stop asking me out of kindness. but there's still thoughts i haven't said#thoughts that don't need to be said. we don't *need* another person rambling on about whatever random fandom topic or half-assed scribbles#i tried making serious art and meta posts for like four years across different fandoms#it's all gone now. as is most of my poetry. lotta things i don't know or care to know#and i can't bring myself to do that again. esp if that's not why you're here. so like. it's easier just to remain quiet?#because. i know people *can* understand. but it takes effort#and i can't guarantee a return on investment. i don't know if the cost of teaching me how to talk again is worth it#god i want to infodump but that was beaten out of me. the need is still there but i can't. it hurts#idk. things are good and then things are bad and on the whole they're good and getting better
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got on to Facebook for the first time in awhile and i actually enjoyed seeing how many of my classmates have kids already. im so glad alexis has a 2 kids already that's what you get for telling me i looked ugly with straight hair in 5th grade
#lot of wedding pictures. a lot of u are going to get divorced 💖#saw a couple of my friends and thought about messaging them but. whats the point i havent heard from them in years#i'd have to talk abt my amputation and everything around that#and that ALWAYS dominates the conversation and ive found that i dont hear from people again after that#i think it bums them out lol#its so weird cause i can see where theyre like woah that's so crazy that it happened to you now let me compare that to my life#and be grateful for being able bodied. no reason to speak to me after that im just a bummer#and there's no space for me in their life. so. just me#wytxt
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I think that if you are going to comment a silly little joke about drugs, or if you are going to have a username that is a "cute" play on words about serious addictions, you should consider the odds whether the person you are about to address has personal experience and feelings regarding that particular subject--and the odds are definitely non-zero.
#it's so hard#I have no desire to control others or how they interact with the world#but I also don't enjoy waking up to frankly triggering usernames in my inbox#it's not their fault I have the past that I have#but I also don't find anything fun or cute about it#I find it truly distasteful#and there's no way for them to know that unless someone says like hey this name is distasteful and you could reconsider using it#and it's weird to try to figure out whether I should tell a complete stranger like#I'd prefer it if you never messaged me again because I never want to see your username again#I mean I guess I could and should just block them#and they won't know why#and it just kind of sucks#like maybe they legit don't care that people might hate the pun and would be fine with being blocked for it#but maybe they would care and hadn't thought about it
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Why do you prefer the original ending to Pretty In Pink over the rewritten ones? Ringwald and McArthy have apparently not vouched for the original ending from the beginning
My understanding is that Molly Ringwald was one of those who most wanted it be changed. And I think she's completely wrong if so.
I wrote a post about this back when I first saw the film where it was fresh and I could explain why, which unfortunately I can't find, but yeah it was obvious to me watching it that she was not supposed to end up with Blane, that he did not respect her, and the film/her character arc would have been much stronger if she'd gone to prom with Ducky as was originally intended.
I'd have to watch it again to go into it, but I remember it was clearly a theme where she wanted it to be Romeo&Juliet thing, but it wasn't. It wasn't people connecting across a class divide and transcending that, he was an actual snob and she liked an idea of him that didn't exist. It was in fierce contrast to her really genuine connection with Ducky. It was not a 'settling for the Nice Guy' triangle or something where Blane was a foil and equal she's not allowed to have, the original ending was about missing what's in front of you because you're too tied up in trappings and what you're supposed to want. There was a powerful affirmation for her in realising she didn't need approval from assholes. There was commentary on disposable wealth and consumerism versus authentic creativity. Middle school level, but it was there.
Hughes went on to make Some Kind of Wonderful which follows the original outline/themes of Pretty in Pink, just genderswapped, but that movie didn't have the chemistry or strong enough characters to make it very satisfying imo.
#I know it's a classic for a lot of people but Ducky was actually the only special or memorable thing about it tbh#and it was clear to me he was written as her Right Man#where there's a scene with Blane where the original intent was to show he's not a good dude and has a weak character and she sees it#that was only kinda softened when they tried to make the rest of the film match up with the reshot ending#like it just shows#the writing is not building towards vindicating Blane or them ending up together#he's not her match and isn't really what she wants#also I vaguely recall it gives the movie this unpleasant implication that materialism is great#again I'd have to watch it again to go into it with chapter and verse#but the film's intended messages were badly subverted by trying to make Blane into an endgame love interest
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trying to process and heal from the trauma that a certain someone caused me and trying to talk myself through it (while being plural and mentally unstable) is currently going somewhere along these lines
(warning: some pretty triggering and very personal discussions from me in the tags however feel free to just relate to the funny pitture)
#bug's art#personal post#vent#talk about grooming / sa ahead be warned >>#This is like. Not about some vague shit or someone being mean to me. This is straight up about someone who groomed me#i feel Insane because i am an Adult and i only figured it out RECENTLY#me and this person arent talking anymore. But. But.#Whenever i remember he still has a wholeass presence on the internet. And he talks to people. And he has friends. I just want to [redacted]#Not even mentioning all the emotional abuse and years of trauma he had caused me I literally wanted to die every single day because of him#And because i've grown into the pain so much i literally never stopped to fucking THINK ABOUT ANY OF THIS!!#And the worst part is. If it happened to anyone else i'd hope so much that the person who did this would rot in hell. literally just Rot#But because it's about me it's just like Haha well i guess it happened. [screams of pain on the background]. dont be like me please.#So yeah i am once again oversharing However i just want to put this message out there for anyone who relates:#BE MAD!!! BE FUCKING MAD!!! BE MAD AT PEOPLE WHO ABUSED YOU!!! BE MAD AT PEOPLE WHO TRAUMATIZED YOU#YOU NEVER EVER EVER EVER HAVE TO FORGIVE THEM. FUCK THEM#Be mad for it is righteous and it will lead you to happiness even if it'll take a long time. you deserve to be happy. you will get there#sensitive topics#tw abuse
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Since I just checked my ask box for the first time in a hot minute:
Just a note that tumblr doesn't tell me when I have new asks or messages and I rarely check my notifications. Helpful corrections of misinformation/any messages in good faith are appreciated (though it's possible I won't see them until weeks later, sorry), but if something I reblog angers you enough you feel the need to get hostile in my askbox on anon, I reccomend the unfollow button.
I'm also not comfortable posting asks asking for any sort of donations/directing people to your blog for donation purposes, sorry :// I just don't have time to vet asks like that
#feel like I've had more hostile asks than usual in the last year or so#(with the usual number being none and the recent number being more than none)#I'm not sure if it's like (1) person who hatefollowed and now just wants to be nitpicky about everything#or if the culture of the site changed when i wasn't paying attention and people are back to being hostile#my theory is that the fall of twitter means twitter users are coming back to tumblr and bringing their hostility with them#also i can't believe i have to say this AGAIN#but while what i reblog is generally in line with what i believe...#sometimes i reblog stuff bc it's interesting and makes points i haven't heard before#or i like the overall message even tho there's a few pieces I'm iffy about#or it's not how I'd say it or i feel like it's lacking in some nuance but still think the point is worth making#if you see a really consistent take on my blog with consistent framing then yeah safe to assume it's probably reflective of how i feel#but if you have problems with the phrasing or framing of a specific post maybe take that up with the OP??#i can find someone's speech worthy of dissemination without agreeing with every word#I'm not going to take responsibility for other ppl's phrasing esp if it's just the phrasing or framing in one post and not a theme 4 my blog#sometimes i just think things are an interesting conversation or worthy of talking abt even if not everyone is saying things 100% correctly#feel free to come for me for things i actually write. but I'm not gonna take responsibility for other people's phrasing#(AGAIN with the understanding that like. if I were constantly reblogging posts with slurs or something that would be different)#this just in humans are complex and do not agree 1000% with every post they've ever shared online#pls hold me accountable for things i actually say...#a good example of a VALID critique was when i was following a secret terf and i was accidentally reblogging things with terf OPs semi-often#there was concern i was a terf (i am not... just bad at spotting terf dogwhistles) bc there were a few of these like...#not explicitly terfy but like popular with terf posts on my blog#so thanks again to whoever let me know so i could hunt down the secret terf i was following and unfollow#and even tho it's not true that I'm a terf it was a valid concern bc of the consistency#if u think the phrasing or framing in (1) singular post i reblogged is sooooo horrible... pls take it up with the OP#again with obvious exceptions of like. hate speech. slurs. actual alt right talking points. content in the post that is directly harmful#but anons in my inbox have been Big Mad abt like. one line in one post. or one bad piece of framing#or one not quite nuanced enough take. or one framing where not every person in the world was considered#so pls take that shit up with the person who actually wrote the post and stop acting like i personally came to your house#and yelled the words of whatever post at your grandma and then was mean to your dog
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I am extremely and horrifically unwell rn
#i relapsed#we have no water#before we lost water it was contaminated with god knows what every single fucking health department person i called was stumped and confuse#but now we have no water#my parents find me so anonying and stupid they don't want to spend time with me#i tried to voice to my ma that that hurts me and that didn't work out#my ma found out i relapsed#my life is falling apart and i might end up in the ER#i kind of still want to die#i might relapse again already#i'm tired#not a single person ever thinks about me unless i'm talking to them#no one checks in on me no on talks to me i stop existing if i'm not constantly messaging them since they never talk to me first#why would they#i'm tried of pretending to be happy like who am I doing it for?? it's not like it's helping me#it's just for the sake of keeping people from hating me for being 'too depressing' or whatever#but what's the point they don't wanna be around me anyway#everyone always leaves#maybe it's high time i stop making excuses for people who hurt me and neglect me and just accept they want nothing to do with me#maybe then i'd stop getting hurt
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I'm kinda glad I can keep my opinions to myself but man
#miranda talking shit#Heard an story of... “I had my first strong love feeling like a woman. We met only a few times irl#But then suddenly she moved away and broke all contact for a year. I waited for her and tried to contact her. She sent an message 6 month#Ago about how she did it bc of anxiety and not bc of me. Then it's just been silence again. But I'm still waiting for her and I'd drop#Everything if she contacted me again“ me: what.... Wh.... Huh?!#Like I get it... First love? That shits intense but also like... Do you hear? Yourself? This isn't good for you... You've been waiting for#Someone for like two years who have not held contract with you like at all. As someone who struggles with bad anxiety and depression... Yea#Like if I really loved or cared for someone I'd try more than just give an excuse and then stop answering again#Everyone is different and we all have our past but... That sounds so... Yeah not good.#Heard this story and I was like wow... You're.. Over 30 and you... Don't respect yourself enough to break things off and move on?#First love makes us stupid but like... They weren't even officially dating it was more an “it could go somewhere” type of situation.#Maybe I've... Had practice but. Actions does speak louder than words. If I don't feel that return of care I'll tire and go to those I know#Will. I wanted to shake this man and scream this at him but... No one asks for my opinion and I understand when to not share it#It just sounds so sad to me. To wait for years for someone who can't even bother texting you? Still you're hoping they'll contact you#Hope is an wonderful thing and it's what keeps us alive but... Hope placed on people who has shown they do not care... Yeah#Maybe I'm harsh but I do believe in the idea if someone really does care. Texting and calling even just some isn't impossible. Inaction#Speaks for itself... No answer is also an answer.#Me sitting there sadly: you deserve better king... Love and respect yourself....
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Little things that improved my life 𝜗𝜚˚⋆
Accepting my sleep schedule. I'm a night owl; I focus at night, I'm calm at night, I'm motivated at night. For a long time, I tried to fight this since everyone always preaches getting up early, but since I started accepting my natural sleep schedule, I've been feeling a lot better and have become way more productive.
"drink more water". TEA. Tea is the secret here. I will be honest, I hate drinking water; it doesn't matter if I have a cute water bottle or a cute glass, I still hate it. TEA.
Replying quickly. I used to be one of those people who get a text message and think, "Oh, I'll reply to that later", and then just forget about it entirely. Now, I text back as soon as I see the message. This has not only improved my texting anxiety (which I cause on my own by now replying and then feeling bad) but also deepened my connection to my friends. <3
Keeping my circle small and being okay with that. Over the past months, I've had this sudden urge to expand my social circle and get to know more and more people, especially after I moved in August. However, this quickly ended in what I like to call my "social burnout". I was tired, annoyed, and overwhelmed. It took a few weeks for it to settle, but I've come to the conclusion that I would much rather have a smaller circle of people who I trust and love deeply than a huge group of friends, and that's totally okay.
Wearing what I like. Even though I live in a big city, I'd still say that my style can sometimes be a bit more extravagant than what most people wear, another point is that I'm very uncomfortable with pants so I only wear skirts, which is also considered a bit odd where I live. But over the past years, I've come to accept that and have become so sure of myself and found such comfort in my style that I now just wear whatever I like, and it makes every day a little bit nicer.
Reading and writing for pleasure. Reading books outside of my studies and spending time researching topics that simply interest me is such a great way to calm your mind. Same for writing, I always like to say that to write is to think; putting your thoughts on paper in cohesive and well-crafted sentences that you can then reread and think over again is such a liberating thing to do.
Reaching out more. fuck the whole "double texting" and "no contact" thing. If you want to speak to someone because they mean something to you, then just do it. Unless they specifically asked for space, you shouldn't feel bad about wanting to be in touch with them. Many even really appreciate it when you show that you truly care. Let's stop the nonchalant act, and instead, let's face deep emotions and true vulnerability. <3
As always, please feel free to share your own little insights and things that helped you improve comments! <3
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love ya ・:*₊‧✩
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