#(I have important exams next week…)
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“You’ll have to pry ao3 from my cold dead hands,”
You really have to though, I (urgently) need to study.
#ao3#ao3 writer#ao3 fanfic#lestappen#cherik#stony#mcdanno#i cant stop reading#i need to study#i have an exam tomorrow#and another one next week#and they are both very important
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Genderbent Time:
#linked universe#linkeduniverse#linked universe fanart#lu fanart#lu time#linked universe time#time linked universe#very rough sketch#genderbend#gender is an illusion#lesbian#my art#doing this instead of studying#(I have important exams next week…)#I’m not good at anatomy#I don’t know what compelled me to do this#take care of yourselves in these difficult times <3
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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Sketch of the stardew bachelors for something I might or might not finish later
This is a redraw? of my first ever digital art piece
If you wanna see that then look down here
#look at the original at your own risk#that thing is an eyesore#amd yes i did make this at midnight when i have 8 different exams in the next 2 weeks#this was very important to me#stardew fanart#sdv#stardew#art redraw#old art redraw#I mean at least I've improved a bit
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Shapes and Strange Ciphers AU: From States Away
SaSC by me
Shapes and Pines by @/void-dude
Next Part
Tad and Bill
Two exhausting days of what Bill could only describe as hell had left him on the brink of collapse. He had made little progress in dismantling the portal, a bottomless pit of hopelessness dragged him into back to the idea of blowing up everything. He had all the materials—just a bit of assembling followed by a quick and painless—
Knock knock
Bill froze, his thoughts spiraled. Ford! Is he back in another corpse? Did he make a new deal? Bills mind raised with panic before he was hit with a confused realization. Why is he knocking?
Cautiously, Bill approached the door, busted torch in one hand, metal pipe in the other. He strained to peered through the frosted glass, nearly dropping the pipe when he saw who it was—Tad.
Bill wanted to throw open the door and hug him, but fear held him back. What if Ford had possessed him? He couldn't risk it. Gingerly, he cracked open the door and tossed out the torch before slamming it shut. “Stand close to the glass,” he shouted, and “and shine the light in your eye!”
-
Tad stared at the door, then down at the torch in confusion. Slowly, he picked it up and did as told, leaning close to the glass. Through the frosted pane, he could see Bill’s blurry figure, shifting slowly as he inspected Tad. After muffled sound of approval, Bill fully opened the door.
Tad’s excitement shifted into horror as he registered Bill’s state. His face was gaunt, his eyes sunken, and his hair a long, tangled mess. He wore a black hoodie that did little to hide his frail body. Tad hesitated before walking in, eyeing the metal pipe Bill had clutched in his shaking hands.
“Bill? What happened?” Tad stammered out, rattled by Bills appearance, “Bill—” Tad was cut off, startled by Bill launching into a frantic summary of the past decade. His words tumbled out disjointedly, shifting from one thought to another. It was an unsorted mess of word vomit that left Tad reeling and his head spinning. But what had left Tad truely unnerved were Bill’s fearful glances to an empty space—glaring at some invisible monster.
Tad tried interjecting, attempting to get Bill to calm down, but Bill kept talking over him. When Bill mentioned how things were for the past week, being locked in a closet, barely eating or sleeping, Tad spoke over him.
"Woah, Bill—slow down. What do you mean you were locked in a closet?"
Bill opened his mouth to speak but faltered. Tad stepped closer, extending a gentle hand, “Bill?”
Bill ignored the outstretched hand, taking the torch from Tad and handing him the pipe, before turning to walk away. “It’ll be better if I show you.”
Tad wavered by the open door, staring down at the pipe in his hand, his thoughts a mix of worry and confusion. He took a breath, shrugging off his growing anxiety, before shutting the door, setting down the pipe, and following Bill.
Leading the way with the busted torch, Bill led Tad through the broken wall, past the busted closet door, and into the portal room. He showed Tad the portal, recounting his actions from the past three days with a nervous urgency. “This is why I wrote to you. Tad, I need you’re help to dismantle it.”
Tad stood in stunned silence, glancing between Bill and the portal before letting out a shaky breath “I—” his voice caught in his throat, his mouth felt dry. He coughed, then continued , “I think we should go upstairs and sleep. Just for now. I mean, if were gonna take this thing apart, we should be well-rested, right?”
Bill was taken aback, “What? No. Tad, This can’t wait. It needs to be dismantled now. Don’t you understand that?” He continued, trying to explain everything again but slowly trailed off, "Tad… you believe me. Right?“
Tad quickly nodded, “Yes. Yes, of course I believe you, Bill. I’m just—” He hesitated, “I’m worried. Bill, you… you look awful, it—its all just… alot.” He heaved a sigh and and placed his hand on Bill's shoulder, “Bill, please, lets go upstairs. God knows the both of us could use the sleep.” He let out rueful laugh.
Bill stared back blankly, briefly looking behind Tad before his expression twisted in frustration. He shrugged off Tad's hand and backed away. "I thought you’d understand. I thought I could trust you."
“I do understand, Bill. Honestly, I do.” Tad reached out again, “And you can trust me. I promise, you can—” Bill jerked away, a look of betrayal plastered on his face, his eyes darting between Tad and the empty space.
“Bill. Come on, I—”
"You think I'm crazy, don't you!" Bills barked, causing Tad to flinch back before he tried speaking again, “What, no! I don’t think that, Bill. I would never—”
“Go!” Bill barked, turning away, ”Just leave.” He whispering angrily through gritted teeth, trying to control himself.
“No, Bill I—I didn’t mean to—I don’t want to—” Tad reached out to grab Bill’s shoulder, gently pulling him back before—
Tad cried out in pain as he fell into a tangle of loose wires. He pressed his hand against his stinging face. A thick liquid trickling down his cheek and the smell of copper filled his nose. He pulled back his hand, reeling away at the sight of blood.
Tad jerked his head towards Bill who stared back in horror. He… he hit me. Tad looked to Bills hands, the busted torch held tightly in his grip. Bill hit me.
Bill approached, saying something Tad was too stunned to make out. He tried backing away but the wire kept him trapped. Bill stepped closer, reaching to grab Tad. Tad reared his legs back and kicked Bill away.
Bill stumbled back and fell onto the portal switch, crumpling to the ground. He looked up in a daze and was horrified to see the portal roaring to life. He scrambled to his feet but his legs gave out and he fell back to his knees. He tried standing again, but his body was caught and pulled by a new gravity.
Tad fought to free himself from the wire but his attention was pulled away by the sound of Bills screams. He looked up and saw Bill’s floating, his silhouette illuminated by the blue light of the portal.
"Help me! Tad! Please!" Bill kicked at the air, clawing desperatly towards Tad.
Tads movements became more frantic as he ripped away the wires, "Bill! I'm trying! Bill! I—"
Bill's body disappeared, engulfed by the spinning light. With a blast and flash of light, Tad was knocked back into the wire. He scrambled to free himself, “Bill! Oh god, Bill!” he raced towards the portal, searching for Bill. But he was gone.
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Lore Comments
#gravity falls#bill cipher#stanford pines#shapes and pines au#tad strange#sascau#writing#6/8 posts#12 days is a little better than almost a month 😅#My bad#would you belive bee if I told you I had 3 exams and started 2 classes in one week? Because I did#Forgive any weird or bad grammer#Grammerlys been lackin#The next part is 3 1/2 doc pages long so it's gonna take me a bit#However! I'm probably gonna cut a big chunk of useless dialogue that I will leave below the lore comments#Its not important to the story but I did have fun writing it so might as well share it#Thank you everyone for reading and sorry for the wait!
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These barbies are on a mission
#tears of the kingdom came out#finally!!! its hereee#and i cant play next week because i have like 3 important exams#sucks to be me#ill go study now lol#totk#tears of the kingdom#my art
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i don't wanna speak too soon but i kinda do miss being here a bit 🥹
#luna.txt#when things are good theyre sooooo good#when things are bad it makes me wanna KDNDNWJDMWWMAKSKWKSKKWDJJW#i still have a few real life things going on rn tho so i dont think ill be coming back still 🤧#i have a massive massive career important exam next week too so this may be as active as i get for now 🥹
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you know it's exam season because i'm questioning all my life choices
#you know i don't mind going to classes actually but studying and taking exams makes me feel like i'm a cog in a machine#as i got older i started caring less about school actually not because i don't think it's important#but because it makes me feel like a product of capitalism#why did i choose this major?#do i even still like it?#do i want to work in this field later?#like i think that no matter my feelings on my major i'm not gonna change it#bc 1 i already got this far 2 i don't know what else i would wanna do and 3 i couldn't live with the feeling of failure#i just have to make it through another 2 and a half years of uni at least#and right now i just have to make it through the next week and a half#god i want exams to be over#i don't have any motivation anymore and i don't care about the classes i have to study for that much#anyways can you tell that my last exam didn't go well ?#i should be nicer to myself bc it's weekend and i am never that productive for uni in weekend anyway#anyways thanks for coming to my rant#kj post
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The point (one of them) is that both Aziraphale and Crowley actually think they the smartest one in any given situation. And since I relate to Aziraphale much more today I get fixated on his brand of superiority. He starts his journey with rebellion from pretty tame "I don't get why they makes this desisions and it's look horrible on surface evel but I'm sure that they get best ineterests of everyone involved in their hearts and it's probably me the one that didn't get some oblivious detail" to "oh okay I'm sure it's some kind of misundestanding and we can all talk it out as adults because we there work on same goals" to frustrated "they won't ever listen to me and I will get in trouble for arguing and it will be better for everyone if I will make my desisions in secret and go behind their backs because I just can't let THEM make desisions that will destroy everything". It's not straightforward, I'm 30 and still circulate sometimes between "what if it's me the one that wrong aout everything" and "god HOW people can be THAT stupid", but I remember going throught this stages first as good and obedient kid with really stupid parents making stupid desisions and later with school, govermnet, activist spaces etc.
And the problem is, I was the smartest person in the room enough time to develop issues, and Aziraphale lives like his for 6000 years at least. I can only imagine how many times he thought "if only Starmaker listen to me and didn't Fall", "if only God listened to me and didn't make an Apocalypse happen", "if only Heavens listened to me and didn't did this or that that thing", "if only Crowley listen to me and understand in what kind of danger we can get", "if only that human listened to me and haven't dig the body", etc etc. It's awful, to be the one who always gets to say "I told you so", especially when there's such awful consequenses you can't even feel satisfaction, and you will be the one to clen this mess up (and Aziraphae will clean, or better try to prevent). Now, it's of course leads to issues. BIG issues.
1) It's really hard to stop being plotting and maciavellian and communicate things properly when you expect that person will at best argue with you, at worst punish you and double down on their stupid desisons and you will clean this mess up. It also really hard to stop trying to control everything because you already accepted that everything is your responsibility and everyone else would just make things worse. (as someone that relates to Aziraphale I think he did so much progress there, the levels or trust he shows Crowley are amazing for two beings that probably last time heard of psychotherapy when Freud was alive. but such trust is fragile thing, one misstep and you back on your "it will be better if I do everything alone" bullshit. I'm not saying it's good. I'm also not saying that it's bad. it's just how things work)
2) It makes you overstep other people authonomy, because, again, it would be better for everyone if they did what you think best for them. It works funny wih Aziraphale because yes he's all for free choices for humanity!! NOW GO AND DO SMART CHOICES DAMN YOU!!! WHY YOU DON'T PICK THE THING THAT WOULD BE SMART TO PICK I HATE YOU ALL. That's where me and Aziraphale difer a little because at least I somewhat good at stepping into other people shoes and understand why they do what they do. But angel there is autistic (or bad at this specific thing for other reasons), so I think when people he consider reasonable doesn't agree with him for their own reasons he ge's really baffled, like, there arE correct opinion and it's mine, WHY are you being difficult?? to spite me?? And I'm sure that half of the reason why Aziraphale's so comfortable with Crowley is that he perfectly happy to let him buly or manipulate him into doing things Aziraphale picks as right. Usually Crowley know where pick his battles and how to play long game to make Aziraphale agree for really important stuff he wants from him, but otherwise? Sure he will complain how he hates Hamlet but they will watch Hamlet, and Aziraphale will be very pleased with himself. (and than there goes final fifteen and we back at "but WHY won't ypu agree with thing I pick or us IT'S GOOD AND RESONABLE THING" and we should be happy that consent is something that imporant for our angel ok? he would be angry with Crowley for picking wrong but he won't make him do what he doesn't want. they respect each other like that.)
3) It makes you really really tired and tense. You control everything, unfortunately the longer you do it the more things starts really depedend on you, you can't let go, you don't know anyone that can share this burden with you because first they should prove that they won't blow his up and for this you should share at least something with them, but what is they would blow it up? Better be safe than sorry. And look when it's my problems it's credit cards and doctor appointmens and with Aziraphale we talk about people dying. Crowley dying. Now, as I said, he actually shows Crowley so. much. trust. for someone with such issues. Because Crowley was there for 6000 years, and he proved himself capable enough times. But still there's areas where let go and not worry would be impossible for Aziraphale, Crowley's safety being one of such things (you see, you can risk with your life when you deal with your problems because whatever you will clean shit up if needed, but if someone close to you hurt themself?? it's YOUR problem too but it will be SO MUCH HARDER to clean. I think when Aziraphale points to Crowley that hell would be harder on him than he can expect heavens to punish him, it's partially because he believes it's true and partially because he knows how to minimize harm when heavens angry with him but HOW can he do this for Crowley??). Anyway. Lol. The more I think about it the more I sure that Crowley without Aziraphale would be a miserable angry dick, and Aziraphale wihout Crowley would be dead, because it was the one person that kept him one tiny slip away from total burn out.
So yeah there's a lot of posts about how angry heartbroken etc Crowley will be with Aziraphale (I don't agree but that's for other post), less posts about how sad and heartbroken will be Aziraphale, but I hope to see Azyraphale being angry too (it they will be angry with each other at all). Not only for not picking him or leaving or making everything messy and emotional and wasting their first kiss at their fight etc, but also because Aziraphale was trusting him! Trusting that he get another resonable adult in team with him! Someone who he can trust to make resonable desisions and see his ideas as clever and him as capable and being willing to go to the end of the world with him with mild complaints and than!! When he did trust him to understand!! He was like everyone else!! Unresonable and emotional and angry with him and why he asked him at all he should've do it secretly and alone as always and it would've be as usual and it wouldn't hurt but it was Crowley that taught him to trust and to ask him for help!! Breaking his perfectly fine coping mechanisms!! It's all his faut if you think about it huh?? (but of course he's already forgiven. but also Aziraphale would do what he needs to do alone this time, as one and only capable adult in the world.)
Anyway it's not a meta it's just some late night thoughts. And it's in no way whole analizis there's so much more problems inside this angel. It's just something in particular that resonated with me today. Also it's not in any way critisizm of him, mind you, because a) he does really the smartest person in the room most of the time and b) I LOVE how fucked up in the head he is!!! I think he needs to become even more fucked up actually!!! and Crowley should love him for that and I will cheer for him from sidelines!!!
#good omens#Aziraphale#does it counts as meta if it's half projection but also you're the smartest person in the room and always correct hmm?#I'm always afraid to talk about how trauma made aziraphale not only the most suffered being in world but also a huge insufferable bitch#because no one gets him like me no one wants to love him for that!! aside of Crowley#I'm like 'can't relate to religious trauma but remember being super fucking tired at like 8 yo because parents beat me hard enough to leave#bruises for weeks and I was angry with them because of course they didn't remembered that I'll have a medical exam at school next week and#now I need to be a resonable one and invent a cover up good enough so there won't be Questions'#and don't get me started on money thing#*sigh* if only Aziraphale was also good at getting people. but I guess Goddess desided he'll be too powerful#also *for me* it'll be beautiful if Aziraphale would be angry with Crowley for leaving and not with himself for asking at all#I want them have a long talk about motives and why Aziraphale thought it'll be good idea and why Crowley said no and how they could prevent#this in the future....but the worst lesson Aziraphale can learn there is 'actually I should never again trust him with big desisions and#I should never again ask him for things that's Big and Important for me'#so yeah that's where Crowley will need to repair things.#tdh I'm glad that final fifteen blow up and Crowley was the one being angry and explaining nothing and running away#because I love Aziraphale but I'm almost sure that even with Crowley being calm and resonable there he would've make same choise#because situation was attuned to his weak spots just too good. I can't imagine scenario where he's not leaving#but it'll be much harder for me to see if Crowey was resonable one lol. not like fandom doesn't pretend that he isn't but you know. not by#my standarts. (now in perfect world they would talk to each other calmly compromise and make backup plans together. but they're still#learning so it's fiiine they'll get there. I hope to see them communicate flawlessly while bullshitting heavens and hell in season 3)
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IM FINALLY GETTING ANTIDEPRESSANTS BECAUSE I FINALLY FOUND A DOCTOR THAT LISTENS
#YAYAYAYAYA#banger#I’m so happy#NO DOCTOR LISTENED TO ME#AND JUST TOLD ME IT WAS PERIODS AND SOME OTHER BULLSHIT#ITS NOT#I praise this doctor#AND HE RECOMMENDED SOME NATRUAL SOLUTIONS TO MY STOMACH ISSUES INSTEAD OF PUMPING ME FULL OF MEDS#AND HE IS AN ADULT MALE AND STILL LISTENS TO ME SAYING ITS NOT MY PERIOD#FEMALE DOCTORS HAVE DISMISSED ME BECAUSE IF THAT#important date#they come in like next week#or like two weeks#idk but I’m overjoyed I found doctors that listen to me and I like#AND ARE ACTUALLY DOING THINGS OTHER THAN SENDING ME IN FOR AN EXAM THEYVE DONE 1000 TIMES AND ALWYAS GET THE SAME RESULTS FOR#LIKE HOLY SHIT#my old ones wouldn’t even let me come in to see what illness I had because I was sick#Depression#antidepressants#YAYYAYAY
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Pausing my op marathon so I can watch the movies and other shows while the current arc keeps going 🫡🫡
#also wano was such a thing.... like so well constructed.... so much background.... can't believe i am nearly caught up. this is insane#i am like 2 months too soon. i thought i was gonna spend the whole uni year watching it. well.....#i think dressrosa was good but at the same time luffy doesn't have the connection to the people of the island he has in wano or others...#it is mostly law's story that pulls you in and that's good but i love me my luffy so wano and what they did to get to gear 5.... too good#just saying shit at this point... retrospective i guess....#gyojin island was great to me bc it was mostly lore and i loved the end with jinbe#and shirahoshi and luffy were too good together. rude little man and a big ass scared siren. incredible showstopping#punk hazard was too funny. had a blast and law was a menace... also tashigi my friend tashigi... and smoker....#wci was emotional to say the least. luffy suffered more than jesus but somehow sanji cried more which i loved to see....#NOW i would have liked for wano to be zoro's story too... which kinda was but i wish he had important relationships with people that are not#luffy or his swords you know. but tashigi wasn't there and i think she is central to where his character is going so. i will wait i guess...#goodbye my sweet darlings.... buggy is waiting for me in the title screen of the next episode but i have to say goodbye for now....#i will see you in your non canon movies.... farewell.....#fuck i have exams next week... this is so bad for my op marathon stats.....#talking tag#watching one piece
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guys im gonna fail compsci if i dont do this project lmaooo
#✧ chatting !#actually no. i have a D but like thats terrinle. thats pretty much failing to me still JJAKSJSJJS#<- still hung up on grades even tho she swore she didnt care after failing history one year#qaughajsjksjsjs#why do teachers have to give things All At The Same Time#ALSO WE HAVE EXAMS NEXT WEEK HAVE MERCY PLEASEEE#itll probably be a light study week tho so maybe i can just. turn stuff in as late work ahaksjsjhshsjsj#i shldnt fail this sem since i got pretry much all As except in eng. but i have an a in eng this quarter so ???#very important to manage ur grades so uu can graduate btw
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ITS ABYSS WEEK??? NOW????
#I don’t have shit OR fuck!!!#me when my finals are next week + my third big important exam#god hates ME
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me spending two days in a row doing a Taxing Thing followed by a very long night out with people being social (something i know for being exhausting even though i enjoy it): why the fuck am i so exhausted
#though exhausted doesnt even cover it#im fucking wrecked#everything is hurting and i think i may be getting sick#well. i did bike home twice through the very cold and dark#as in yesterday i left my bike someplace til like 10pm maybe and my saddle was frozen over#one day was school and an incredibly good but also intense film (political) followed by drinks with friends and someone i Want to befriend#the other was work followed by a gathering of sorts where i talked to all sorts of people#including friends but also other people. whom i lowkey look up to.#including the person who actually inspired my name and made me feel way better about being openly genderqueer. like.#i didnt even get home that late last night tbf but i did sleep on the sofa in my work clothes#most i could do was remove the books from my pockets lmao#my trousers are NOT made for sleeping in. too many accessories and stuff#anyway it was worth it but.#mondays are always hell and i have a very important exam next week as well and tuesdays are also Hell soooo#yay#and then other Important Stuff is also coming up#and thats not even talking about christmas and how much stuff i need to get#a biscuit's rambles#wish me luck lmao
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I'll change i swear
No I do not support all queer people, most of you are Windows users.
#help the death squads are coming#(in my defense i have the most important exam of my life this week [and the next])
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plane bus and car ride and an overall 12 hours of travelling. long distance travelling genuinely makes me want to blow my brains out.
#like fuck I am dying. pls teleport me to my bed rn pleaseee#And I’m experiencing hayfever. and I am so broke and I have an important exam next week. good fucking god
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