#(I have important exams next week…)

[itsmrvlxh50]

“You’ll have to pry ao3 from my cold dead hands,”

You really have to though, I (urgently) need to study.

[sleepyskeleton-0]

Genderbent Time:

[faaun]

procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally

[kaye-go-moo]

Shapes and Strange Ciphers AU: From States Away

SaSC by me

Shapes and Pines by @/void-dude

Next Part

Tad and Bill

Two exhausting days of what Bill could only describe as hell had left him on the brink of collapse. He had made little progress in dismantling the portal, a bottomless pit of hopelessness dragged him into back to the idea of blowing up everything. He had all the materials—just a bit of assembling followed by a quick and painless—

Knock knock

Bill froze, his thoughts spiraled. Ford! Is he back in another corpse? Did he make a new deal? Bills mind raised with panic before he was hit with a confused realization. Why is he knocking?

Cautiously, Bill approached the door, busted torch in one hand, metal pipe in the other. He strained to peered through the frosted glass, nearly dropping the pipe when he saw who it was—Tad.

Bill wanted to throw open the door and hug him, but fear held him back. What if Ford had possessed him? He couldn't risk it. Gingerly, he cracked open the door and tossed out the torch before slamming it shut. “Stand close to the glass,” he shouted, and “and shine the light in your eye!”

-

Tad stared at the door, then down at the torch in confusion. Slowly, he picked it up and did as told, leaning close to the glass. Through the frosted pane, he could see Bill’s blurry figure, shifting slowly as he inspected Tad. After muffled sound of approval, Bill fully opened the door.

Tad’s excitement shifted into horror as he registered Bill’s state. His face was gaunt, his eyes sunken, and his hair a long, tangled mess. He wore a black hoodie that did little to hide his frail body. Tad hesitated before walking in, eyeing the metal pipe Bill had clutched in his shaking hands.

“Bill? What happened?” Tad stammered out, rattled by Bills appearance, “Bill—” Tad was cut off, startled by Bill launching into a frantic summary of the past decade. His words tumbled out disjointedly, shifting from one thought to another. It was an unsorted mess of word vomit that left Tad reeling and his head spinning. But what had left Tad truely unnerved were Bill’s fearful glances to an empty space—glaring at some invisible monster.

Tad tried interjecting, attempting to get Bill to calm down, but Bill kept talking over him. When Bill mentioned how things were for the past week, being locked in a closet, barely eating or sleeping, Tad spoke over him.

"Woah, Bill—slow down. What do you mean you were locked in a closet?"

Bill opened his mouth to speak but faltered. Tad stepped closer, extending a gentle hand, “Bill?”

Bill ignored the outstretched hand, taking the torch from Tad and handing him the pipe, before turning to walk away. “It’ll be better if I show you.”

Tad wavered by the open door, staring down at the pipe in his hand, his thoughts a mix of worry and confusion. He took a breath, shrugging off his growing anxiety, before shutting the door, setting down the pipe, and following Bill.

Leading the way with the busted torch, Bill led Tad through the broken wall, past the busted closet door, and into the portal room. He showed Tad the portal, recounting his actions from the past three days with a nervous urgency. “This is why I wrote to you. Tad, I need you’re help to dismantle it.” 

Tad stood in stunned silence, glancing between Bill and the portal before letting out a shaky breath “I—” his voice caught in his throat, his mouth felt dry. He coughed, then continued , “I think we should go upstairs and sleep. Just for now. I mean, if were gonna take this thing apart, we should be well-rested, right?”

Bill was taken aback, “What? No. Tad, This can’t wait. It needs to be dismantled now. Don’t you understand that?” He continued, trying to explain everything again but slowly trailed off, "Tad… you believe me. Right?“

Tad quickly nodded, “Yes. Yes, of course I believe you, Bill. I’m just—” He hesitated, “I’m worried. Bill, you… you look awful, it—its all just… alot.” He heaved a sigh and and placed his hand on Bill's shoulder, “Bill, please, lets go upstairs. God knows the both of us could use the sleep.” He let out rueful laugh.

Bill stared back blankly, briefly looking behind Tad before his expression twisted in frustration. He shrugged off Tad's hand and backed away. "I thought you’d understand. I thought I could trust you."

“I do understand, Bill. Honestly, I do.” Tad reached out again, “And you can trust me. I promise, you can—” Bill jerked away, a look of betrayal plastered on his face, his eyes darting between Tad and the empty space. 

“Bill. Come on, I—”

"You think I'm crazy, don't you!" Bills barked, causing Tad to flinch back before he tried speaking again, “What, no! I don’t think that, Bill. I would never—”

“Go!” Bill barked, turning away, ”Just leave.” He whispering angrily through gritted teeth, trying to control himself.

“No, Bill I—I didn’t mean to—I don’t want to—” Tad reached out to grab Bill’s shoulder, gently pulling him back before—

Tad cried out in pain as he fell into a tangle of loose wires. He pressed his hand against his stinging face. A thick liquid trickling down his cheek and the smell of copper filled his nose. He pulled back his hand, reeling away at the sight of blood.

Tad jerked his head towards Bill who stared back in horror. He… he hit me. Tad looked to Bills hands, the busted torch held tightly in his grip. Bill hit me.

Bill approached, saying something Tad was too stunned to make out. He tried backing away but the wire kept him trapped. Bill stepped closer, reaching to grab Tad. Tad reared his legs back and kicked Bill away.

Bill stumbled back and fell onto the portal switch, crumpling to the ground. He looked up in a daze and was horrified to see the portal roaring to life. He scrambled to his feet but his legs gave out and he fell back to his knees. He tried standing again, but his body was caught and pulled by a new gravity.

Tad fought to free himself from the wire but his attention was pulled away by the sound of Bills screams. He looked up and saw Bill’s floating, his silhouette illuminated by the blue light of the portal.

"Help me! Tad! Please!" Bill kicked at the air, clawing desperatly towards Tad.

Tads movements became more frantic as he ripped away the wires, "Bill! I'm trying! Bill! I—"

Bill's body disappeared, engulfed by the spinning light. With a blast and flash of light, Tad was knocked back into the wire. He scrambled to free himself, “Bill! Oh god, Bill!” he raced towards the portal, searching for Bill. But he was gone.

-----

Lore Comments

[some-internet-stranger]

These barbies are on a mission

[yunwooz]

i don't wanna speak too soon but i kinda do miss being here a bit 🥹

[pluggedintosaverockandroll]

you know it's exam season because i'm questioning all my life choices

[tenok]

The point (one of them) is that both Aziraphale and Crowley actually think they the smartest one in any given situation. And since I relate to Aziraphale much more today I get fixated on his brand of superiority. He starts his journey with rebellion from pretty tame "I don't get why they makes this desisions and it's look horrible on surface evel but I'm sure that they get best ineterests of everyone involved in their hearts and it's probably me the one that didn't get some oblivious detail" to "oh okay I'm sure it's some kind of misundestanding and we can all talk it out as adults because we there work on same goals" to frustrated "they won't ever listen to me and I will get in trouble for arguing and it will be better for everyone if I will make my desisions in secret and go behind their backs because I just can't let THEM make desisions that will destroy everything". It's not straightforward, I'm 30 and still circulate sometimes between "what if it's me the one that wrong aout everything" and "god HOW people can be THAT stupid", but I remember going throught this stages first as good and obedient kid with really stupid parents making stupid desisions and later with school, govermnet, activist spaces etc.

And the problem is, I was the smartest person in the room enough time to develop issues, and Aziraphale lives like his for 6000 years at least. I can only imagine how many times he thought "if only Starmaker listen to me and didn't Fall", "if only God listened to me and didn't make an Apocalypse happen", "if only Heavens listened to me and didn't did this or that that thing", "if only Crowley listen to me and understand in what kind of danger we can get", "if only that human listened to me and haven't dig the body", etc etc. It's awful, to be the one who always gets to say "I told you so", especially when there's such awful consequenses you can't even feel satisfaction, and you will be the one to clen this mess up (and Aziraphae will clean, or better try to prevent). Now, it's of course leads to issues. BIG issues.

1) It's really hard to stop being plotting and maciavellian and communicate things properly when you expect that person will at best argue with you, at worst punish you and double down on their stupid desisons and you will clean this mess up. It also really hard to stop trying to control everything because you already accepted that everything is your responsibility and everyone else would just make things worse. (as someone that relates to Aziraphale I think he did so much progress there, the levels or trust he shows Crowley are amazing for two beings that probably last time heard of psychotherapy when Freud was alive. but such trust is fragile thing, one misstep and you back on your "it will be better if I do everything alone" bullshit. I'm not saying it's good. I'm also not saying that it's bad. it's just how things work)

2) It makes you overstep other people authonomy, because, again, it would be better for everyone if they did what you think best for them. It works funny wih Aziraphale because yes he's all for free choices for humanity!! NOW GO AND DO SMART CHOICES DAMN YOU!!! WHY YOU DON'T PICK THE THING THAT WOULD BE SMART TO PICK I HATE YOU ALL. That's where me and Aziraphale difer a little because at least I somewhat good at stepping into other people shoes and understand why they do what they do. But angel there is autistic (or bad at this specific thing for other reasons), so I think when people he consider reasonable doesn't agree with him for their own reasons he ge's really baffled, like, there arE correct opinion and it's mine, WHY are you being difficult?? to spite me?? And I'm sure that half of the reason why Aziraphale's so comfortable with Crowley is that he perfectly happy to let him buly or manipulate him into doing things Aziraphale picks as right. Usually Crowley know where pick his battles and how to play long game to make Aziraphale agree for really important stuff he wants from him, but otherwise? Sure he will complain how he hates Hamlet but they will watch Hamlet, and Aziraphale will be very pleased with himself. (and than there goes final fifteen and we back at "but WHY won't ypu agree with thing I pick or us IT'S GOOD AND RESONABLE THING" and we should be happy that consent is something that imporant for our angel ok? he would be angry with Crowley for picking wrong but he won't make him do what he doesn't want. they respect each other like that.)

3) It makes you really really tired and tense. You control everything, unfortunately the longer you do it the more things starts really depedend on you, you can't let go, you don't know anyone that can share this burden with you because first they should prove that they won't blow his up and for this you should share at least something with them, but what is they would blow it up? Better be safe than sorry. And look when it's my problems it's credit cards and doctor appointmens and with Aziraphale we talk about people dying. Crowley dying. Now, as I said, he actually shows Crowley so. much. trust. for someone with such issues. Because Crowley was there for 6000 years, and he proved himself capable enough times. But still there's areas where let go and not worry would be impossible for Aziraphale, Crowley's safety being one of such things (you see, you can risk with your life when you deal with your problems because whatever you will clean shit up if needed, but if someone close to you hurt themself?? it's YOUR problem too but it will be SO MUCH HARDER to clean. I think when Aziraphale points to Crowley that hell would be harder on him than he can expect heavens to punish him, it's partially because he believes it's true and partially because he knows how to minimize harm when heavens angry with him but HOW can he do this for Crowley??). Anyway. Lol. The more I think about it the more I sure that Crowley without Aziraphale would be a miserable angry dick, and Aziraphale wihout Crowley would be dead, because it was the one person that kept him one tiny slip away from total burn out.

So yeah there's a lot of posts about how angry heartbroken etc Crowley will be with Aziraphale (I don't agree but that's for other post), less posts about how sad and heartbroken will be Aziraphale, but I hope to see Azyraphale being angry too (it they will be angry with each other at all). Not only for not picking him or leaving or making everything messy and emotional and wasting their first kiss at their fight etc, but also because Aziraphale was trusting him! Trusting that he get another resonable adult in team with him! Someone who he can trust to make resonable desisions and see his ideas as clever and him as capable and being willing to go to the end of the world with him with mild complaints and than!! When he did trust him to understand!! He was like everyone else!! Unresonable and emotional and angry with him and why he asked him at all he should've do it secretly and alone as always and it would've be as usual and it wouldn't hurt but it was Crowley that taught him to trust and to ask him for help!! Breaking his perfectly fine coping mechanisms!! It's all his faut if you think about it huh?? (but of course he's already forgiven. but also Aziraphale would do what he needs to do alone this time, as one and only capable adult in the world.)

Anyway it's not a meta it's just some late night thoughts. And it's in no way whole analizis there's so much more problems inside this angel. It's just something in particular that resonated with me today. Also it's not in any way critisizm of him, mind you, because a) he does really the smartest person in the room most of the time and b) I LOVE how fucked up in the head he is!!! I think he needs to become even more fucked up actually!!! and Crowley should love him for that and I will cheer for him from sidelines!!!

[bigender-cowboy]

IM FINALLY GETTING ANTIDEPRESSANTS BECAUSE I FINALLY FOUND A DOCTOR THAT LISTENS

[hauntingblue]

Pausing my op marathon so I can watch the movies and other shows while the current arc keeps going 🫡🫡

[heartpascal]

guys i have a bunch of exams coming up and yet i keep finding myself on here writing away 😭 I NEED TO BE REVISING. if you see me being active pls tell me to go away </3

[feytouched]

my muscle pain has been worse than ever the last couple days. yesterday i yawned and my throat muscles seized up for a moment and left me feeling like i'd dislodged my thyroid or something. today i can't hold up my arms without them trembling. even my mug feels heavy. i don't know what's happening or why things are getting worse so fast but it's scary

[kaoharu]

guys im gonna fail compsci if i dont do this project lmaooo

[slydiddledeedee]

ITS ABYSS WEEK??? NOW????

[miss-bibbles]

i can't believe what the fuck i just saw

[calypsos-fate]

I'll change i swear

No I do not support all queer people, most of you are Windows users.