#(I don't think I can afford that anyway)
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I'm forever astounded at all the Gallifrey/time lord society stanning that goes on in fandom? It's the monkey paw!!!! Read the small print!!!
So much of dw's canon will Entirely pass people by, literally spanning from the earlier years of classic who to the present day, if you can't identify that Gallifreyen society is rotten to the core.
The Doctor couldn't be the hero if they continued to sully themselves in a brutal empire's name.
(it's the british empire. but space. british empire bad. very bad. come on.)
#dw shit#and look okay the doctor is imo#the shittiest hero in pop culture#but they still Are the hero#of the narrative structure of the show#and when you balance that out with the function of the companions#which is to demonstrate equality between this ageless deathless being and regular joe humans#(or not so regular joe humans)#then the underlaying message is that the superiority the empire claims is false#the doctor can be a time lord and a hero and they're still the same as some working class human who can't afford food#anyway empires are Bad and honestly#the show hasn't been bad at showing it#sometimes things you think are cool are Bad#and like sure you could say you don't want to be a part of time lord society you want to be like the doctor who rejects it#i again claim monkey paw and point out how depressed the doctor is So Often#they are quantifiably Not having a good time most of the time#they have to keep humans in their life or the silence will let them think#they either lose everything to won't allow themselves to ever have anything#... i'll stop now but really the space british empire is sooo bad
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This happened a few days ago now, but I'm still thinking about it so gonna complain about it on main <3
Went to this local flea market. Lots of clothes and stuff being sold in stands. I don't usually expect to buy something, especially since a lot of stuff is by re-sellers and the prices can go up, but I like to look at the stuff regardless. I came up to this stand with a bunch of really cool printed T-shirts of bands/licensed properties. I remember seeing them some months ago, and I thought to myself, "oh if they have a Beavis and Butt-Head T-Shirt that would be cool. I'd probably buy it." They had one from last time, but even though I liked the design I couldn't convince myself to get it on account of a mysterious stain on it. No clue if that will come off (of-course it was on a beavis and butt-head t-shirt).
Anyway, I find another shirt that looks good! It is kind of faded, but that is chill. It is second-hand of course. I read the tag as $5.00 and thought "oh that makes sense!" I go up to the woman to pay and then she informs me that the tag actually says $65.00!! I was like "UM no thanks!!" That is WAY out of my price range for any SINGLE used-T-shirt. She says "sorry. It is vintage". Flash forward to later and I think about it more and I get PEEVED, because not only is selling a faded, used beaver and butthole T-shirt for $65.00 RIDICULOUS on any account, but to claim that it is VINTAGE?? GIRL THE LOGO ON THAT SHIRT WAS CLEARLY FROM THE 2011 RUN OF THE SHOW??? IS 2011 "VINTAGE" NOW??? IS THAT WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO GET OUT OF THIS???
#fuck resellers fr#who in their right mind is paying 65 dollars for a beavis and butthead tshirt#who are these resellers marketing towards??#are you trying to tell me a beavis and butthead fan can afford to buy a SINGLE used shirt for 65 dollars#absolutely godsmacking#I bought another shirt from this person last time it was 15 dollars but idk that is reasonable I think#with certain clothing I can get it being pricey like furs and leather products and nice well-made jackets#but RARELY are shirts ever that complicated to make and are usually completely worn down by people in a matter of years#I don't understand people trying to pass that stuff off as vintage and worthy prices OVER 20 dollars#leather jacket? sure I get it a cow died#well-made sweater? yeah sure that stuff can last decades#t-shirt with printed design? that is literally nothing clothing#anyway vent over#resellers out there please try and explain this logic to me I legitimately would love to hear it#squack
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#mdzs#jiang cheng#lan xichen#xicheng#tagging just to be safe#ngl this is kind of high pressure bc from what i can tell xicheng is the most popular jc ship. appeal of even more BIL drama maybe?#so. i don't want to piss off anyone haha. here's hoping#ngl if i were jc during the timeskip i would mainly be annoyed about lwj. why is this asshole being openly rude to me.#why are you as his brother not telling him to cut it out?? do you not care about the political consequences??#or is it that. your sect is so strong that you can afford to not care. you can afford to let your brother run around and do what he wants#because you're strong enough to protect your brother. unlike me. unlike me when it really mattered.#is that what's going on.#if it were me i'd be at least a bit salty ngl#god also now that i think about it. lxc really does have the same sort of calm temperament and tendency to try to smooth things over#as jiang fengmian. meanwhile everyone says jiang cheng is the same as yu ziyuan#uh oh!!! mommy and daddy issues triggered!!!!#anyways i wonder if tagging this with xicheng is going to skew the results? oh well it's whatever#yanyan polls
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We're going over the wiring the old owner did on the bike, which is very neatly colour coded, but my stepdad is also VERY colour blind, so far it's going a lot like this:
Stepdad: "So this red wire-"
Me: "That one's green but go on."
Him: "So this green wire-"
-
Him: "This one's orange, right?"
Me: "That's the brown one."
-
Him: *Pointedly holding up wire*
Me: "Red."
So at least i'm being somewhat useful.
#We thought the Motogadget was busted which would have been a fucking tragedy cause i cannot afford a new one#but we did some troubleshooting and it works on it's own#just not with the ignition lock connected at the same time#which is okay cause i want to turn a key not tap a fob anyways so off it goes#also sorry about the bike talk that is going to happen here from now o but i want to have a way to look back on our work when it's done#so i'll be tagging the posts#Tansy tag#at least until i can decide if it's worth making a side blog#which i don't think tbh#but we shall see
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Huh??????????
#okay this has to be a joke#why am i in? why did this university say yep we want her?#uh..... i didn't think I'd come this far with you I'm gonna be honest#also i don't think i can afford that so uhm..... ig not lol🫠#“you don't want me anyways” LMAO#no fr tho huh#this is a really good university#what#what are they thinking#johnny's silly rambles#what. the. actual. fuck.
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Anyway I got notified that I'll be getting a nice $$ bonus from work today and I wish that I could celebrate with someone in a way that didn't just feel like obnoxious bragging. Like beyond the financial aspect, it's just nice to be recognized for good work and I actually feel... good?? about this job??
But it feels so silly to say I want to celebrate when I just got back from what felt like my first real vacation in a very long time and am doing cool comic con stuff this weekend and am scheduled for a new tattoo next weekend. I am already doing lots of things to try to make myself feel good! It feels selfish to want more!
But I guess even with all of that, there's just still a hunger for external validation from trusted sources. Will I ever grow out of wanting someone to be proud of me?
#stoned ramblings#life of faye#i swear I'm not as sad right now as this makes me sound just kinda lonely is all#work bonus#boss also said that if i wanted to take on more responsibility we could talk raises as well#and like most days I'm done by like 1 so it's not like I'm wildly overworked as it is#I'm going to set some aside for fun stuff and the rest is going in my savings#i am finally FINALLY trying to build up a savings again#it's probably a silly dream but I still want to save up for a house#so what else can i do but try and save?#rent's gone up so damned much everywhere that for somewhere halfway decent it costs about as a mortgage to rent anyway#the only reason my rent is semi-managable is because I've been here for 8 damn years so they haven't been able to drive it up as much#other apartments here start at hundreds more per month for new tenants#so i feel like I'm stuck here until i can afford a place#my one real hope is that I inherit enough from my midwest grandma when she passes to make a good down payment somewhere#sometimes to torture myself I like to go look at houses that I think are in my approximate realistic price range if i could cover the down#i want a yard for velma#i want to be able to open my blinds and/or windows and not feel like a whole apartment complex's worth of people can see me#i want a kitchen where all the burners work and I have enough counter space to work#i want a dryer system where my apartment doesn't get filled with warm wet air when the neighbors are doing their laundry#i want to do nude gardening#and have backyard bbqs with friends#i want enough dedicated space to do art that i don't constantly have to shuttle the easel around the living room and up and down the stairs#all pipe dreams i know#but hey the grandma did say that i was one of her three main inheritors in the will#so we'll see#just to be clear she has not passed but she's nearing 90 and keeps talking about it so it's hard not to think about you know?#anyway these are the sorts of things that i would talk about if I had someone to cuddle on the couch and talk to about my day#texts to nobody
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Literally can't pay my rent until I get paid for September, which hasn't happened yet. Today is Friday, and Monday is the last day of the month. I'm so tired of being poor.
#i still cringe to call myself 'poor' bc i have my own apartment and can afford groceries#and even fun stuff like museums and cafe visits and public transport sometimes#but the reality of the matter is that after i pay off my student loans every month#i do not have enough money left to pay the following month's rent#and that's the way it's been my whole life#all my groceries and museum visits and coffee come from those few hundred euros left over#my whole life i've been choosing between 'having savings' and 'having even the smallest most humble life' and obviously i choose the latter#i never go to the movies#i buy all my clothes second hand (got some this past month after not having bought any new clothing in almost two years)#i have visited a museum TWICE this year#i go to restaurants like... once a month max#i am living the most frugal life that i possibly can without denying myself all pleasures#i don't even have netflix or anything like that! i only very rarely order delivery! i cook my own damn meals!#you get the picture#and yet still: one single missed paycheck is enough to potentially fuck up my life seriously#i've never missed a rent payment in my life but i'm scared it may happen this time#just wrote to HR of my former employer (who is supposed to still be paying me through october) to politely ask where my paycheck is#it's probably coming today (i sure as hell hope so) but if it doesn't... i legit don't know how i'm going to pay my rent#my rent is 673 euros and i only have 400 in my bank account#i probably have enough food in my pantry to survive for a month if i had to#but i've never missed rent in germany before (or ever) and i have no idea how long they'd wait before evicting me for non-payment#i'm scared. and i'm tired of being apparently the only fucking person in my social groups who is this poor#i am an over-educated 37-year-old professional who typically gets classed with the 'expats'#but one missed salary payment has me thinking about eviction and affording groceries#this is what i mean when i say i'm an immigrant. not an expat.#those people with their apple watches and co-working spaces and spontaneous trips to thailand or brazil are... a world apart from me#how come everyone i meet is so damn rich? where do i find fellow poor friends?#anyway i'm stressed. and i'm so so tired of spending my mental energy worrying about money#cosmo gyres#personal
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Gross old man I hate so much (scar drawing practice for my tablet since I'm not used to it)
#batty draws#there's another one that's the exact same image but he's binding using duct tape since my friends hc him as trans and#one of them pointed out there's no way he can afford top surgery and I don't think he's using safe anything ever#so yeah he's the type to bind with duct tape tell me I'm wrong I dare you#anyway today sucked majorly and I'll get into that elsewhere but at least I finished this dumb drawing#postal dude#scars#fan art#fanart#drawing
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yuna should use her rich girl privileges to spoil hikaru, i think.
taking hikaru out shopping with her, using her father's money to buy expensive perfumes for herself, very nice cologne for hikaru. a variety of different scents, each on their own outside of hikaru's price range, that she'd never be able to buy if she were out shopping by herself or with her parents -- but yuna covers the cost and buys them for her, just so that she has something nice. even makes sure that each of hikaru's new colognes matches up nicely with a perfume that yuna is either buying or already has on her dresser.
(hikaru is carrying all of the shopping bags, of course.)
buying high-end lipstick and 'testing' it with hikaru, later, in her room, with kisses -- lips or arm -- to see if it rubs off or smudges, and doing this with each new shade, just in case one could possibly be faulty.
regularly having hikaru over for the night and washing her hair with the same nice shampoo and conditioner that yuna uses to keep her own hair so sleek -- being especially thorough if hikaru's had a long day or is particularly dirty or sweaty. brushing and combing out any knots or tangles (and just a little bit of affectionately combing her fingers through it) to keep hikaru's hair in as good condition as her own.
having a rich girlfriend has benefits 🐯
#magia record#kirari hikaru#kureha yuna#hikayuna#rambles#alternatively; (cr) hikaru and yuna were buying cologne to mask the scent of yuna's perfume sometimes rubbing off on hikaru#and spoiling their plan. but were found out anyway because only one girl in futatsugi can afford so many of those colognes#and hikaru does not seem the stupidly rich type (sorry hikaru) (yuna-san spoiling you gave your infiltration away)#(<- loosely inspired by something else)#i don't tend to think of yuna as extremely feminine like this; but she can be whatever she wants/needs to be in the moment#i'm sneaking my butch hikaru agenda in here just a little bit also#i like the thought of yuna either using her own hair products for hikaru (so they smell the same) or buying new product (just as expensive)#just in a different scent that's more suited to hikaru#i have a lot (a lot.) that i could add to this but i'll leave it at that#maybe i'll make a follow-up later on
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Hearing Lin Gong say confidently:
“I’ll kill Fan Xian! Let him come into my courtyard, and then my guards will ambush him! Don’t worry, I can bear the responsibility!”
… makes it so clear how at this point, none of these people know who Fan Xian is. Can even the Prime Minister’s son bear the responsibility for killing a secret prince and the apple of Chen Pingping’s murderous eye? This is all way above his pay grade. If Lin Gong had succeeded in killing Fan Xian, he would likely have doomed himself and his whole family, and he has absolutely no idea
#well... lin gong doomed himself anyway because he crossed fan xian. but he doesn't know it then either#and i mean. many people have tried to kill fan xian and will again. but the royals can afford it#imo the princes are about the only people who probably can get away unscathed with killing fan xian#even the tools they use might still need to pay. if lin gong had done it at that point--whatever his reasons...#imo the emperor would've been outwardly calm but internally furious#he would’ve scoffed and said that if fan xian wasn’t strong enough to survive then he was of no use. and a waste of ye qingmei's legacy#but even then--even if fan xian were a 'disappointment'--i don't think the emperor would've let the lins live#because lin gong would've dared to take away something that belonged to the emperor#and in the emperor's head it's for him to decide fan xian's fate and not for anyone else. certainly not lin gong#so i think the emperor would've speedily put an end to the lin family. especially given where he was trending with the prime minister in s2#(he'd have gone after them on some other pretext and not as anything related to fan xian)#(and chen pingping would've been only too happy to help)#joy of life spoilers#joy of life#joy of life 2
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I've been thinking a lot about magic healing today.
Like I can't stop thinking about how much truly incredible medical knowledge (specifically what we now think of as folk medicine, or like... battlefield surgery) is rendered pretty much completely obsolete by the existence of people who can mend bones with a thought. About how rare it must be for someone to actually know about how a body functions, when among most adventuring types, there's... actually little practical use for such knowledge, with little motivation beyond curiosity to figure it out.
Like of course, I'm sure there are many settings in which those with magical talent are few and far between. I'm sure there are low-magic settings where having access to magical healing is rare, and/or comes at a prohibitively high price for most commoners. But I can't help but think that... in worlds where healing spells and broad-spectrum healing potions are found in the stock of pretty much every merchant and every thug's inventory, ready to be looted, the work of midwives, village wise-women, herbalists, field medics, surgeons, and a thousand other professions is made pretty much completely irrelevant to so many people, simply because clerics, paladins, druids and such, are able to just.... wave a hand, and eradicate diseases, mend bones, transfuse blood, restore limbs, and sometimes even raise the dead.
Being medically knowledgeable on top of being magically adept would probably not only be rare as hell (hello, Halsin), it'd also take a lot of dedication, and a lot of respect for the body and the natural way of things that... I don't know how many even among the best magical healers would actually have.
I'd imagine that many who usually have steady access to a healer don't actually know jack shit about their own health, and... maybe even those who rely on magic to heal, don't actually know what they're doing all that often.
Idk. I'm just rotating this thought in my head today.
#squirrel plays bg3#just sat in the bathtub with this#thinkin' 'bout stuff n things#mainly how I had this thought that... it's weird how infrequent it is to see healer characters who do like. actual research#or study concrete things beyond a nebulous “oh they look into the magic of this thing”#like it could be me just being submerged in only one specific thing rn#but halsin is the only one i can think of who is cited as doing literal biological research on the tadpoles#there's malus thorm who knows about non-magical medicine#but... priestess gut? magic. nettie? magic (though probably Halsin's student). auntie ethel? never intended to help#clerics and druids and paladins don't NEED to know shit about the body#idk what to make of this#same with Ghustil Strognoss and... i actually can't think of more healer-type characters#which feels weird i mean why would there be no healer living in the lower city#all we really know is that Karlach's parents died because they couldn't afford one 10+ years ago#anyway i have thoughts on my characters as well but I'll maybe rant more in a reblog
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What do you seek now? Mother?
Do you think that's a wise choice? You know- remember- how cruel she was to you- right?
[This emotions feels like a pain in the ass, so I think I'll figure it out later...]
#mcaskblog#mcss#herobrine#Nether Comet Arc#he may not fully remember but that rage surely lingers :D#“i love her” “but actually ew do I even?”#if there are further questions about Mother I will reply to it later!#(also spoiler alert: Mother will never appear in the blog)#(mostly bc the arc revolving around THAT would just be a M/rvel movie scale thing)#(and I don't think I can afford that kinda effort + it doesn't rly improve the story anyway so)
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//went to the dr and all they did was take my fucking blood... again
#ooc#this time they're testing my vitamin d to see if i might be deficient#while i hope that's the case because that can be easily cured i've also HAD a vit d deficiency before and it felt NOTHING like this#granted i guess this could be a more severe deficiency#but idk i feel like they're laser focusing on the fatigue i initially reported and not the constant horrible body pain that's set in#and worsened in the couple months since i made the appointment#like i had the pain with the fatigue as well but it wasn't constant. now it's FUCKING CONSTANT.#it's not always at the worst possible level but it's pretty much always there in some form or another#and tbh this is like. the 3rd time they've taken blood with the first 2 tests yielding no clue as to what could be wrong with me#so i know they need to do it to check and/or rule out everything but like#it's so frustrating. being in constant pain. and constantly being told to 'wait for results' that so far have yielded nothing#nothing that points to what's wrong anyway#so i hope it IS a vit d deficiency and i hope my gut feeling that it's not is way off the mark#because a deficiency can be fixed with some supplements and boom all better#but if it's not.... then i have to face the reality that this is probably some kind of chronic illness#which i've been coming to realize that it might be#but it still fucking sucks#because this time last year i was Literally Fucking Fine#and now i'm just. so fucking sick. and sick of BEING sick.#and every time i go in i feel like i'm rushed right out. like i mention my concerns but i don't have the time to think if there's something#i've forgotten because they're rushing me towards the lab to get my blood drawn. again.#and usually there is#but this is literally the only clinic i can afford rn so#just gotta tough it out and cross my fingers that some vitamins are all i need
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i think a lot of people have never been in a truly desperate situation but think they have, and this causes them to pass really harsh judgment on people who made bad choices when either irrational or having no good choices to pick instead, and i really wish people could get some fucking self-perception and work on their compassion skills and not fucking do that as much anymore
#jack facts#people be banging on about empathy this empathy that#and like sure maybe people have a measurable capacity for it but i can tell you what#that sure as fuck don't mean any fucking one of them ever bothers to make use of it when it matters lol#and i mean on the other hand it's hard to conceptualize how you would feel going through something you've never experienced before#i just wish people would be AWARE of the fact they don't know!#or like that there's a difference between ''i can't afford anything but instant ramen'' and ''i can't get any food or water''#or a difference between being freaked out by spiders and having clinical arachnophobia#or a difference between ''my loved one is sick and i'm really worried about them'' and ''my loved one is dying in front of me''#etc etc etc etc etc#anyway the longer i live the more i'm convinced that empathy is a garbage concept#and actually a more reliable way to act with true compassion is through at least some capacity for relative objectivity#the ability to say ''i don't know how that feels and i cannot understand it through comparison'' and to be able AND WILLING#to take people's self reports on their feelings thought processes or lackthereof in good faith and with sympathy#and also the ability to acknowledge that doing a bad thing for good reasons does not negate the bad thing being bad#but also should and does change what consequences are appropriate and/or most effective#and also like............... things people do in desperation or other irrational states do not represent Who They Are As A Person#or what it's like to hang out with them in a day to day situation#another thing i keep getting more and more aware of is like. if y'all can't even handle an irrational or impulsive choice that does harm#done by an otherwise ''good'' person under short term desperate situations#that they then do their best to reduce the harm of after the situation is over#i can not even imagine how absolutely unforgiving you must be of anyone who has delusions#and i mean real delusions and real psychosis not the hyperbolic babytalk version lol#like i don't think most of you even know what the fuck a delusion even is the way you act about things as simple & straightforward as like#fear. hunger. pain.#absolutely fucking exhausting
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.
#currently crying because I'm alone with my husband's 94 year old grandma and I'm the only one who ever lets her talk about certain topics#so she just talked about her childhood and youth for one and a half hours#which means. the war#I'm not gonna go into it but it makes me cry every time even though I've already heard it all before#how can you not cry about a child who lost two of her teenaged brothers and had to watch the third one very nearly die too#the stories about how careful they had to be because the police constantly went to every house and checked everything#how they had to hide some of the milk from their cows so they could make butter because they couldn't afford to buy it#and how dangerous that was.#idk I'm so tired of people dying over senseless and unnecessary shit forever and ever and nothing ever changes and no one ever seems#to learn from it#or at least the ones in power don't#as long as there's disposable people (men) to send to war it doesn't matter. and now that's not even necessary anymore you can just kill#people from far away and. I'm just tired#and I'll shut up now and not talk about these things again as usual. it's not because I don't care it's because it (literally) drives me#insane to think about it and I know it's weak and pathetic but I have to choose to stay just barely sane enough to stay alive#can't stop crying. 🙃#anyway. shouldn't talk about it so. bye
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thinkin again about the time elyss's DM cut in to stop a conversation between her and a semi-retired player character to hurriedly take back control of him as an NPC before he could give her, as an extremely kind and thoughtful gift, one of his own personal belongings, and then said 'elyss can probably buy it from him though :)' instead
like. what an egregiously fucking shitty thing to do, actually.
#I think we were caught SO offguard that neither of us was able to articulate a good resistance although we both tried#eldryn's player: ...I mean... he WAS going to just give it to her#DM: haha well I don't wanna just give you guys too much stuff [???]#me: I mean-- you JUST gave us like? ten thousand gold and a castle that we didn't even ask for ......?#I HAVE the money [2000g????] and I don't actually care about losing it but.............???#DM: yeah so I just feel like I've already given you guys a lot lately#WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN SAID WAS: THAT WAS A GIFT BETWEEN CHARACTERS NOT 'THE DM GIVING US TOO MUCH'.#WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN SAID WAS 'YOU ARE CHANGING A KIND GESTURE FROM A GOODHEARTED MAN INTO A CRAVEN EXPLOITATION OF ELYSS FOR MONEY.'#WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN SAID WAS 'TAKING OVER A PLAYER CHARACTER IN THE MIDDLE OF A CONVERSATION BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT ELYSS TO HAVE A THING#'IS AN ABUSE OF DM POWER AND AN EGREGIOUS BREACH OF DM/ PLAYER TRUST.'#WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN SAID WAS 'WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE AGAINST ELYSS AND/OR ME PERSONALLY.'#and like. the actual consequences are so small. we were in a between-arcs timeskip we had BBEG Treasure Hoard money#Elyss loses 2000g and doesn't even miss it. Eldryn being a good friend IS canon and the DM can suck my dick about it#but on principle. on principle the fact that he did that. that is so incredibly shitty. you don't see that?#and for what? over an arbitrary price tag that I could afford without even missing it anyway?#over a magic item that's more psychological security blanket than anything particularly overpowered?#over powerplay dick waving over who REALLY gets to control Eldryn now that he's technically been retired as a PC?#what?? what is the reason??? ALL it accomplished was a fucking character assassination of a sweetheart character#which I think we've all privately decided didn't actually happen anyway because it's stupid and terrible and not fair of DM to Just Decide#and my already pretty flimsy trust in my friend as a DM sinking to unforeseen new lows#god. god.#about me#my OCs#elyss
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