#(BUT THIS IS AN INTERESTING CHOICE UHHH???)
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I read and agree with 95% of your post.
Prefacing: You're great. You are wonderful, I am now following your very good posts and I am a ball of weird neurotic energy that has to get this off my chest.
Why?
TheHorrors™ as of late have made me need to explain this like five times in four days.
Writing it like this means we can discuss it, i can link a post and people who need to see it can see it and I can get on with my life instead of having a redundant talk.
I might add citations pictures, etc etc later but I've already spent 45 minutes writing and re-writing this and I need to get this out of my system.
Once again, you're great and the fustration inside the response is not directed at you but at the issue itself.
You? Wonderful. Glorious poster. Evil baby. Delightful. Much love. Excellent Blorbo choices.
Issue? Shitty. Fills me with outrage. Paradoxical. MurderDeathKill.
Okay? Okay: rant begin:
The problem is "atomized individualism"...
1) Has a really well known and distorted meaning in libertarian circles you're probably unaware of which says "we're very rational and we never get emotional, and if I've got mine fuck you" coming from John Locke who quietly leaves out the "equality" part. 2) Actually self-defeating and paradoxical (I'll explain this)
Atomism claims everybody is
self-interested, self-sufficient and that altruism (being nice for the sake of being nice) is purely performative -- and that in functinal applied practice, asking for help or having systems to fall back on is inherently not-ok because you're not being the platonic ideal of the atomism (this is actually how familial orders emerge, instead of socialized safety-nets).
The fine text is also supposed to state that every member is equal which kind of contradicts the idea that the individual is pushed first; if you have more resources than others, your ability to execute on your individuality is inherently unequal.
It boils down to "the individual" vs "every individual" which gets very very messy.
It should mean freedom from bad things (over-exposure, abuse, starvation, etc, etc) not freedom to do bad things -- but this is where things start to get dicey.
Individualism claims the individual is the primary source of all value, and that the individual is always rational -- with the applied caviat that if anybody is acting irrationally, they lose their individuality.
You're gonna see a lot of applied caviats. Things which sound good on paper, but play out in really really messy ways in real people as side-effects of value-systems which then become the main goals of said systems when they benefit the people upholding those systems.
Combining atomization and individualism, you get...
"I am entirely rational, I am the only source of value, I am self-sufficient, and I am concerned with myself, and anybody who disagrees with me is irrational, because I am rationality defined"
So to go over the freedom part again:
This plays out as...
"uhhh yeah its a philosophy that means its good for me to not pay my taxes, because taxes are evil because they hurt me personally and specifically as an individual by subtracting my explicit capacity to execute on my self-interest (eg, get thing)"
This the mentality of your Peter Thiels, your Elon Musks, and your Donald Trumps. People who only see the "the divine right of kings" as wrong because they themselves are not the kings.
Wait, this is a lot, how did we get to this???
Their definitions ignore that most social definitions and benefits come from implicit attitudes and behaviors we do unconsciously (since humans spend most of their time running in a kind of autopilot called automaticity).
We learn this implicit automaticity from being raised, cared for, socialized, taught, and forgiven. They are hard to measure with a utility function mathematically, because they're hazy and vague and are often the root of interpretations of words (as we've experienced here, with this very thread).
Explicit attitudes are those which happen at the conscious or aware level: Its when you know you have to do something, or you haven't engrained something so you do it performatively out loud. This is significantly easier to measure with a utility function and is a huge part of how the legal system functions, and why the legal system assumes all actors (people) are rational.
Spoilers: All "rational" decision-making neurologically speaking originates from urges and feelings, and is then packaged and organized into "rationality".
Nobody human is rational; there are only rationalizers. Anybody who claims to be rational and calls anybody else emotional is both lying and projecting. If nobody felt anything, nobody would do anything: That's what depression is, even high functioning depression.
Going further, communication and implicit attitude learning and how explicit attitudes become implicit attitudes is the human skill.
Its why its inherently nonsensical to try and atomize us from eachother. We are all disturbingly susceptible to propaganda.
It isn't our tool-use (corvids molluscs, diatoms and arachnids have us beat there up until the last 80 to 15,000 years when we did metal properly afaik) -- its not our intelligence or short-term-memory (primates have us beat there, as genius level counters, strategizers and selectors): Its communication and sharing out strategies.
This is what we mean when we call humans "social organisms".
Seperating individuals truly leads to brain damage, which we see in those who undergo extended solitary isolation -- and likewise those who are placed into extended sensory deprivation such as white-room torture.
So, returning to our point:
What actually happens to our self-interested agents?
They refuse to concede that they can be irrational (which they scientifically and verifiably are: we are all irrational most of the time running on habit and memory, not pure decision making).
Result?
Self-interested agents who will not concede always compete -- whether towards singular or group-goals, and as resources collapse the group goals become singular goals.
Why?
Conceding that you are capable of irrationality and understanding what this means and the consequences and trusting that you can feel safe doing this requires emotional insight.
To develop emotional insight, you need to be a skilled communicator or have had excellent social training either through direct social contact or secondary social contact (social and cognitive stimulus creating cognitive simulations, aka media you consume).
The venn diagram of properties producing ultra-competitors is...
Dysthymia (being unable to create enjoyment or satisfaction without external validation, such as scoring, numbers or from another perosn)
An insecure/avoidant attachment style (eg, you depend on the numbers system because forming trust is compromised for whatever reason)
This produces an arms-race of ultra-competitors all trying to maximize whatever society sees as the most valuable (eg, money) -- who quickly figure out that the optimal strategy is to limit the number of competitors they have.
They do this by tricking the other members into playing "other games" or to collect "other things" as a distraction to sate them while improving how well they achieve their own goals.
These are your time vampires like the internet, your endless merchandising of ownership/consumer status, your religions to sate existential status needs, your abusive families playing for membership approval status needs, etc.
Rant End.
Okay, so now what?
So I agree with 95% of what you're saying, and I'm a pedantic bitch basically.
I love betraying nation and bloodline. I love rejecting the social order. I love being able to pursue my own goals even when the world around me wants me to adopt theirs instead. I love blasphemy and queerness and getting to choose who my family is.
I love this.
Everything you want is good, but atomized individualism is not the descriptor for those things because pure atomized individual reinvents the problems it seeks to solve for the individual by externalizing them to maximize its own returns.
Its why libertarians always create government again, but with extra steps where they are the leaders, which is apparently fine for some reason.
"I love atomized individualism" is not a statement you can make in a void, especially given current events.
What you mean is
"I love equitable atomacized indivividualism"
And by adding just one word that clarifies your statement and nullifies so many MANY problems, I 100% agree with you.
Okay got that out of my system.
Phew.
May your self-loving-vampire and may all of your self-loving be glorious and your Kohaku pleantiful.
Take care! :3
I love atomized individualism. I love betraying nation and bloodline. I love rejecting the social order. I love being able to pursue my own goals even when the world around me wants me to adopt theirs instead. I love blasphemy and queerness and getting to choose who my family is.
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Shes finally here!
I'm really proud of those heels idk how I managed to balance her so she stands
Shelf:
I'm running out of space SO fast
#its been so long i forgot how to tag these#drawtectives#drawfee#drawtectives fanart#drawfee fanart#claytectives#uhhh#joe beans#truebeans#yes we stan truebeans here#I wanted to like#okay the rot is getting worse everyday i wanted to rsmble about the fact everytime i maie a new figure the attention to detail in this curs#-d show gets pointed our so much more to me#like#shes even got blue heels to homage dolly i wouldnt be surprised if julia domehow did a full research or something#man idk im so in love with this stupid show#also i now know the gradient pant/skirt thing is common enough in the designs its making me beilieve its a very Interesting art style choic#i#im normal#🤧😞
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It’s really kinda sad painful and interesting that the Captain’s death is one of the few where we don’t see him become a ghost. We almost expect it but the final shot of that scene is just him laying lifeless on the floor (and I suppose there there’s some mirroring between his and Kitty’s death, especially through the cinematography). How horrific must that have been when he did become a ghost? To be able to see Havers and trying to reach out to him, trying to get through to him only for Havers to never know he was still there, alone. Having to listen to all the nasty comments made by the other officers. To watch Havers leave the house for a second time, unable to get his attention or say goodbye.
#I find it interesting and very sad that Kitty and the Cap are just shown lying there completely lifeless#and we EXPECT them to become ghosts like with Humphrey Julian or Thomas#but they both just lie there#even the cinematography with the placement of Eleanor and Havers and the overhead camera just…#these both hit me so hard#especially considering their almost father-daughter relationship later on#I just have alot of feelings about this choice#I’m kind of tired and in some pain so my head is woozy#no idea if I’m making any sense but that choice really struck me#bbc ghosts#bbc ghosts spoilers#i might elaborate#but I haven’t stopped thinking about it tbh#I wanna go into more depth about Kitty and the Cap’s deaths as mirrors but uhhh brain is slow and stupid rn
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It's tattoo day guys!!! I'm in the shop rn waiting to finally get my Autobot insignia tat!!! So excited ✨🥰
#the guy was like interesting color choice#im like YEAH UMM BASED ON MY FAVORITE CHARACTER UHHH#bout to become the realest ultra Magnus stan
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If you come into the tags of any of my posts hating on Tristamp I will execute you on the spot with no mercy
#Ok maybe jk#Kinda#BUT WHY???#I've seen some interesting criticism and takes#BUT YOU DON'T NEED TO DUNK ON MY PRECIOUS CHILD#FUCK OFF#I LOVE ALL OF THE THREE PISTOLS#I'm AGGRESSIVELY PRO-TRISTAMP#I MAY NOT AGREE WITH EVERYTHING THEY'VE DONE#(Elendira mostly I'm so sad she's not a canon trans human but I'll see where it goes I GUESS)#(She literally had the least development of any of the Gung Ho Guns in the manga and it pissed me off)#(BUT THIS IS AN INTERESTING CHOICE UHHH???)#BUT I STILL APPRECIATE AND LOVE TRISTAMP#IT INTRODUCED ME TO THIS FRANCHISE#GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!!!!!#Yadda yadda
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i just. remembered again that i have a fembaru fic but also the premise is. Very Messed Up hah and also it was written before the canon genderbent au with its official genderbend names for everyone so its also outdated on top of that T^T i had like. Genderqueer subtext going on too. but i also wrote this fic like almost two years ago and havent touched it in forever so im unsure if i should go back to it…. o.o but i would love to finish it one day if only for my own satisfaction hah… i had a very detailed outline for ch 2 (its a twoshot) and several scenes written already anyway!! (and also i would probably update those names, make minor edits, etc etc hmm…)
#just thinking about this wip again………… mmmm….. not super confident in my older ao3 fics but the premise for this one was like. i think i#ended up brainstorming it with a friend or two and then i was like wait holy shit howd this play out. and then i took about two weeks to#write ch1? :o#and then i like. REALLY got into revolutionary girl utena after finishing ch1 so like that def bled into um. the themes.#just. thimking…….. bc ive had so many ideas to explore like. themes regarding gender and misogyny and Choice and destiny and queerness and#all sorts of things….. bc rezero Touches on them and is even Detailed on them sometimes and id Love to go in depth. but im also a bit#nervous to bc 1. writing fic is….. so much work sometimes fr and i am but a lazy writer and 2. the slight anxiety of what if i get flamed#o.o wild to think about…..#like. i have ideas for emilia fics that are. definitely darker maybe a bit controversial but i will go off the walls with writing for the#sake of answering the questions of. can this be done. and is it possible to narratively critique canon and fandom treatment of emilia. that#sort of thing.#not that im the best writer ever akdbdnd but i do like darker fiction sometimes. and i also like being meta about things in fiction. and i#also like writing to get out a tiny bit of salt. etc etc.#i tried to write these kinds of thinngs with my atm sole emilia centric fic that i wrote. uhhh more than a year ago? and i would love to try#again one day bc ive def improved and changed as a writer since then. u know what i mean?? :o#just like. rezero and queerness is very interesting to me.#suffaru post#saving this on the blog bc i talked Too Much about my writing process here HAH#my writing process being: HOW FAR CAN I TAKE THIS IDEA AND HOW OFF THE WALLS CAN IT GET????#in reality tho im really just a massive nerd whos gone down a massive rabbit hole of writing anime fanfic. 😭😭😭😭😭🙏🙏#if you actually read all these tags big thank you HAH
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Oh shit the quencies
#tbh nothing bad happened but three of this years' uhhh. interesting choices of mine just came together?? without any input of me??#not like. premeditated or anything it just happened. but still#it is very funny
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temporarily back with one post. i am not ready to fully come back.
all the stuff you need to know about the future of this blog are in the tags.
#sunrise thoughts#after i thought a lot i made multiple choices#i am still going to post about dsmp#i am still going to post about cwilbur#dsmp has been my biggest special interest ever#and i cannot move on from cwilbur in a day or week#i obviously won't talk about the cc anymore duh and to me the cc and c are extremely disconnected from each other#i will do all my screaming and kicking and nasty emotional stuff in private#i got fucking blasted by the consequences of forming a parasocial relationship!! ouagh!!!!#if you're uncomfortable following me for my dsmp posting you can obviously unfollow me i completely understand<3#i will be tagging everything with my usual tags and you can filter them all you want if you decide to stay for other things! and uh—#i am so proud of shelby for speaking about something so terrifying and painful and i wish them the absolute best#i hope they will find a wonderful support system and get all the help they need and want and recover in a good safe environment.#(now back to blog related things haha!!)#i will try to be more multi fandom#you will still see from me a lot of minecraft smp silliness!!!#uhhh i'm talking qsmp life series and hermitcraft stuff!! (i'm gonna check season 10 very soon!)#as for non related minecraft things uhhh idk yet!!!#(btw don't expect me to reblog posts about the situation because the subject itself is so fucking uncomfortable for me)#(i am myself a victim of abuse [very different type but yeagh] + i am a mess atm for many different reasons)#(remember to always believe victims and such. [you probably heard the whole talk from people who are so much better at words than me#so i won't repeat things in a badly worded way]#anyway#(i am so sorry that this whole thing is messily written and in a bad order i am writing everything at like past 4 am)#(and i really really don't want to go back and rewrite tags in the right order)#(but yeah. erm.)#this is all you will hear from me for a while#take care everyone
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love how the message of season 4 was that you have to have extremely good grades and have gone to parties to be able to successfully adjust to university
#nhie s4 spoilers#nhie s4#nhie#never have i ever#nhie critical#if you had mediocre grades or were too uptight might as well not even bother going since you're apparently fucked#like. devi ben and fab all got into an ivy and seemed to be enjoying university and doing well right away#meanwhile we have eleanor who gets 1 rejection and gives up on furthering her education entirely (why didn't she think about film school??)#and paxton who worked So Hard to get into college only to immediately drop out just because his roommate was shitty#& blair who was an excellent student but partied too hard and failed out and tried to keep it a secret because it was 'kind of humiliating'#like. blair mentioned that she was burnt out but then it was almost immediately reframed as her having been 'too perfect' in high school#the only character who never planned to go to college was trent who was so bad at school he had to repeat his senior year#why weren't there any students who had done well at high school yet struggled academically even though they were genuinely trying?#or students who hadn't done super well in high school but then thrived in university when they had more freedom to choose their classes#where were the top students who didn't get into their first choice school? or knew that they didn't want to go to college at all?#obviously the show couldn't cover every possible permutation of how people decide whether to go to college and then how they adjust to it#but it's uhhh not great that the 3 'smartest' main characters were admitted into ivies and immediately thrived at university#while the 3 who struggled with school or prioritized non-academic interests either didn't try to go to college or gave up extremely fast#the show has always had moments where characters will be elitist but it seemed much more prominent & tied into the narrative this season#my post#my meta#tag ramble
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so, here's a question.
and i want to preface this by saying i'm not doing this yet, just considering the possibility since my circumstances have changed from a couple years ago, and i've had a lot of fun with the requests i've gotten to do for people recently.
if i were to open commissions, strictly in the style of the sketch requests i've done, would people be interested? they'd be cheap--i'm thinking $20 flat per character with one revision (or two, depending on how minor it is), monochrome but with a choice of color by the commissioner, and wouldn't have to just be canon characters. i like drawing ocs, too (provided of course they have a reference).
all of the above would be to keep myself from getting overwhelmed, and balance my ability to work quickly and turn out work i'm satisfied with, and i'd only work on one at a time.
something to consider--again, not happening for a while if it does, maybe won't happen at all. just trying to gauge interest since i have a ton of new followers.
#autumn.personal#commissions#sketch commissions#oc commissions#if you missed it a couple months ago. i originally opened commissions back in 2020 to get money to get out of a bad situation#and it uhhh did not go well for my mental health or anybody involved#but: i have a stable job now that's low stress. i live by myself#have no toxic relationships and haven't spoken to those people for a year now#and i realized with requests i still really love drawing things for people.#i want to offer more... customization? options? in the vein of sketch requests because#those are requests. yknow that's artist's choice. it's just whatever my brain comes up with when prompted#and comms are where you get to get personal and that's fun for me and others#anyway. just some thoughts. IF this happens it'll be at least another month#and based on interest
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Ah I wanted to rant more headcanons abt neon and her gear as a type of insulators for her powers even tho it’s not that deep
#txt#again I’m so sad in canon art where she’s hanging around with agents#she just has the insulators on her face and the ones on her arms are gone#it just downplays her powers even tho it’s been pointed out how she can quite literally power a whole city#I like to hc she needs more of her gear on her#when I drew that one neon compile art I drew her with those bronze loooking bracelets that’s a part of her gloves#as another means for her to supress her currents#AND NO I have no science backed up for this accessory choice I just wanted an excuse to symbolize them looking like cuffs#her power and restraints are a prison but a needed one!!!#I just think it would be so interesting to explore how neon is taught by BOTH reyna and sage#one who thrives on letting her power flow while with someone with sage who has a fine control of hers#somethin somethin poetic the controlled flow of a strong stream#it’s so damn important to me cause her taking one over the other’s teachings can rlly carry how neon not only sees or values her powers#but how she chooses to use it too#with great power comes great responsibility and all that shit#GRRR NEON CHARACTER STUDY WHEN GRRRR NEON GRRRRR#I want video game characters from not so story centric games to have more DEPTH#it’s like apex all over again I read too into shit#it’s a competitive multiplayer game first and a story with good narrative and depth uhhh 5th or 10th
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society if they let me write danganronpa.........
#trying so so SO hard to repress the ole hyperfixation here bc its cringe. it is.#objectively speaking. game sucks. writers suck. fans suck. wish I hadn't spent ~600 hours and like $60 on it bc it ended up a letdown#however. i spent like years playing and talking abt and analyzing the games so ofc they still matter to me a little#and i think the base concept of the games is actually really fucking fun and there was a lot of potential to fuse a like#campy ace attorney style detective game with some over the top gory horror#and to an extent they achieved that- the executions are genuinely great imo at least in dr1 & v3. and the stylistic choices are pretty fun#but everything else.... eh. i think the first game is genuinely decent like a 7/10 all round#way downhill from there. v3 is weird bc its like. everything dialed up to 11. at times its genius and meta but sometimes its also just bad.#uhhh basically. am going back to an old interest HARD and finding it difficult to talk about anything else so sorry to my mutuals who have#to scroll past the inevitable long analysis posts#it won't be all korekiyo this time i prommy
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hey. poketide (is that what it’s called?) ollie with a rockruff or yamper, finn with a crawdaunt that hits like a truck and lizzie with a garchomp (sorry if this is overstepping or anything, it’s just that i really like pokemon and riptide so yea)
I have not touched the au in ages it's free game baby. Also I WOULD DIE FOR FINN WITH CRAWDAUNT LIKE UM??? HELLO???? YES PLEASE!!!
#📚 my posts#✉️ mail#lizzie with a garchomp is an interesting choice :3 i like it#love your choice for ollie but also#uhhh for chip and ollie related purposes#what would be the thoughts on ollie having a greavard#would that be too extra?#i have no clue havent watched riptide in a while now#jrwi poketide
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i'm kinda upset that Dragon age veilguard doesn't even import world states so I think I'll save up for Baldur's gate 3 instead
#i could probably look past everything i don't really vibe with in regards to the game#but the fact they don't import all the silly little choices from THREE games is kind of a gut punch#i dont CARE they didn't really matter!!!#they mattered to me!!!#and i thought they mattered to the game too ://////#so now i'm kinda like... eh#i'm interested in *my* dragon age world#not a cookie cutter fantasy world#i know realistically most the choices wouldn't even matter but they could have.... we waited for 10 years....... they really could have#i think#and the fact I'm more keen to start a new franchise that seems to represent OG Dragon age better#than i am to play the sequel to a beloved series i sunk DAYS into just to romance the different companions.... kind of a bummer#also my ass didn't spend hours in DAO save editor and the keep and finetuning my PERFECT world state only for them to go uhhh no thanks#anyway#vent
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idk i think what is interesting about astarion to me is the fact that you have a guy who started out an asshole (normal type) and then spent two hundred years in a very carefully and specifically crafted (by the writers of the game) Become A Terrible Person Or Die nexus. like it wasn’t just a Torment Nexus, he wasn’t just in hell, i feel like this is very important not to forget, he was in hell but it was specifically a hell designed to, over time, kill the empathy of anyone trapped in it, kill their brain’s ability to prioritize other peoples’ survival, to numb one’s conscience.
and then he gets yanked directly out of that nexus and despite that the fact that he spent, again, two hundred years in a situation that was sort of a rock tumbler for the human soul, there’s still a pebble left in there. and it’s a pebble that can be grown if placed in the right environment and provided with a support network.
so i think it becomes interesting because it really does i think force you to start thinking about the limits of free will even on as basic a level as the human personality. i think the fact that he becomes such a different character based on player choice, that his end morality is so hugely dependent on player choice, is uhhh. a big part of what the devs were going for probably.
it makes a lot of people really uncomfortable to acknowledge some bad people would be good people if literally nothing changed except they had a good support network and different circumstances. especially because it means the opposite is also true. which is even more uncomfortable.
you know that part in the beginning of fellowship of the ring where gandalf is talking about how gollum is ultimately only like that because of the ring and gandalf thinks his story is sad? astarion is kinda like if they sexualized gollum.
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having access to money & having a brain that likes to hyperfixate are two things that should not exist within the same person
#damien.txt#and yet here i am#currently hyperfixating on ensemble stars. doing everything i can to not flood my followers with enstars content bc. man.#uhhh but i spent.......... $40.......... on........... pasha cards.......#which. what a choice. i feel like by the time they come in they're not going to spark joy like they are rn but sjkfhgsjkf#alas. it is done. and now we live with the consequences#like having 40 less dollars in my bank account#tangent here for a second but hang on#so i recently got this corkboard thing for my wall bc i transferred rooms in my apartment & wanted new decor#and my room generally speaking has a sort of. nature dark academia look.#like it's mostly browns & greens with a very sort of academic vibe to a lot of the decor#but. for the corkboard. what im thinking is maybe it should become my like. expressions of 'cringe'.#bc as much as like. dark academia & nature & books are aesthetics i vibe with and things i like.#i also have other interests! a lot of them! namely things that are considered very cringe by an outside audience though lol#but i think i would like things about that in my room. so i think im going to make that board the dedicated space for like#postcards and drawings and. well. pasha cards that are my more 'cringe' interests#bc cringe culture is dead even though ive said cringe like 4 times in these tags <3#okay thanks for reading i will maybe get back to fob posting on the regular soon if my brain decides to be normal once classes start lol
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