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IN THE MOST LIKE. /nm /npa WAY, PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS WRONG OR NEGATIVELY
I’ve noticed that you tend to like …. ask us if it’s okay to do certain things? and like, that’s totally fine and acceptable, but … like. this is YOUR blog, it is whatever you want it to be, you can post whatever, and if people don’t like that then they can just ….. idk, unfollow lol?
if you want to keep a following, sure, then you are 100% free to do what makes you believe you will keep it, HOWEVER if you don’t mind, then you can just do what you want, right ?
you’re not here to entertain anybody if you don’t want to. it’s always your choice to make, and you deserve to have it
ah but you misunderstand. my self-worth is directly tied to the validation of whether people recieve my products well or not! /hj
#jibber jabber#not tickles#serious#?#maybe delete later#i sat with this ask for a little while i'm ngl#and like. i'm gonna trauma-fart a little bit in the tags here since i know not as many people look these days#the fun part of having adhd and rejection-sensitive dysphoria is that my emotion and logic is consistently at odds#logically. yes. you're right! i can do whatever i want on my blog!#emotionally. i love the engagement. and if im not making something that people enjoy what's the point#i am a little jester on a stage and making people happy makes me happy#but not everything that makes me happy makes the audience happy#so the dopamine gets halved#if that makes sense#ew. sorry i hate getting real especially here#but i figure a candid ask like this deserves a candid answer#and i appreciate the sentiment! i really do /gen#as an aside i am fully aware that this isn't like. healthy. necessarily.#again. emotions v logic thing. its a constant struggle. sometimes its harder than others#ew ew ew ok no more seriousness i'm so sorry
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first Marius mention in the series and I'm already hissing like an angry cat
#rose reads tvc#hm i knew this was gonna happen sooner or later gotta make up a marius tag in case people want to filter and not see stuff abt him#but i don't want to put hate in the character tags 😒 bc i'm a good person 😒 & mostly i don't wanna hear it from his fans 😒#so i guess my marius tag going forward is#marius die in a fire for real this time#filter that if you don't want to see marius related stuff for whatever reasons#blah blah they're all monsters double standards blah I DON'T CARE i hate him that's never gonna change. there's never gonna be nuance.#other people can do nuance i simply know myself. i will not be doing nuance. irredeemably gross to me forever.
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Ohhhh Folly my beloved. I understand you like no one else does. I get it. Cycles of self hatred and not forgiving your inner child. I get you Folly AUGH IM SO ILL IM FUCKED UP ABOUT THIS FOREVER. AUGHHHH. FOLLYYYY
#text tag#I am NOT maintagging my insane ramblings ouhhhg you guys don't even know how emo I am about her ohhhhhh#Nebbie text posting#You guys don't even KNOW half of it .you don't. Not even people in patronage. I think cloudy's the only one who'd get her like I do#The cleave is such a metaphor about self loathing and how growing older changes you. Yeah okay sure yeah the tree god who's you is mad at—#you for having more potential than it when it's also you and it made you. This is a love letter to everybody who's hated themselves for—#not living up to expectatations in childhood and hating how they can't create like they used to and being jealous of their younger selves.#But that younger self is you too and when you hate it you hate yourself and you hurt yourself. And you become consumed by it#The great one and the dreamer and the parasite are all the same person and Folly is made of all three parts of herself fighting eachother#She's so ohhhhgg fuck. She's so tragic I'm so fucked up about this#AUUGH. AAHHHFGGHH CAN ANYONE HEAR ME. FUCK!!!!!! AAUUGH#LIKE OKAY. LOOK. IT SAYS. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE IN THE STORY THAT ITS OWN HATRED BECAME A PARASITE. LIKE#THAT HATE IS NOT AN OUTSIDE FORCE THAT'S HER OWN HATE FOR HERSELF FROM HERSELF OF HERSELF.#IM SO FUCKED UP ABOUT THIS. FUCK. THIS IS ALL IM GONNA THINK ABOUT FOR SO LONG#HI. HERE WITH NEW REVELATIONS TWO DAYS LATER. I've seen it interpreted very ALSO CORRECTLY as—#experiences of a victim of child abuse and even CSA. And I wanna say those takes are incredibly real too.#Cycles of self harm is the first way I saw it but the tree as a mentor or parental figure that becomes jealous of their child—#rings true with the experiences of a lot of people and. ouhgn fuck it hurts. The cleaveeeeeeee the CLEAVEEEEEEEEE#<- insane person rambling and sobbing I'm so fucked up about the cleave.
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"DEAD GAY SON" THIS IS NOT AN EXACT TRANSLATION, THIS IS AN ADAPTATION (AND ONE THAT STILL NEEDS TONS OF FIXING AT THAT)
Now, you're seeing the word "Dead" for the third time in my adapted songs. Am I obsessed with death? No, JD is, that's why it's there. I should also say I don't really like how this one came out, but I had to give you something in theme with pride month, even though this song isn't exactly the best (and I'm sorry for that but I would've had to adapt this song eventually and idk how but many people seem to find this song funny on YouTube so here you are). I should specify I could do way better with other songs and that I dislike how this one came out but it's very close to the original meaning (IMO) so here you have it, "Dead Gay Son". I'm also sorry for keeping the slur, but it was in the original song and adapting songs is (at least for me) keeping them as close as possible to the original meaning while keeping them singable. Also I fucked up the syllables and rhymes so bad
ASK ME FOR PERMISSION BEFORE USING THIS, DO CREDIT ME IF YOU EVER USE THIS (I doubt you will it’s impractical and still needs so much fixing it’s unbelievable) AND TELL ME/LINK WHATEVER YOU USED IT FOR USING REBLOGS (because for some reason Tumblr doesn’t like comments with links and while I do think I understand why I don’t always like it)
(the apostrophes [or however ’ is called] are used to shorten the number of syllables often in poetry so I’m obviously abusing that power.)
[PAPÀ DI RAM, parlato] Aspetta solo un minuto, Paul! È parlare in modo ignorante e odioso come fai tu che rende questo un posto che i nostri ragazzi non sopportavano!
(cantato) Non erano sconci! Non era una svistina! Eran due versi solitari Nella grande canzone divina!
[PAPÀ DI KURT, parlato] I nostri figli erano finocchi, Bill!
[PAPÀ DI RAM] Sì! Mio figli'è un omosessuale E di questo non mi vergognerei— Voglio che il mondo sappia... Amo il mio morto figlio gay!
(parlato) Sono stato a pensare. Pregare. Leggere un po' di riviste. Ed è tempo di aprire le nostre menti!
(cantato) Beh, il buon Dio l'universo ha fatto Dio ha creato l'umanità E penso che sia parte del suo piano nella sua immensità So che Dio ha una ragione Per ogni oceano ed ogni goccia E perché ha deciso di lasciar i ragazzi farsi nella doccia! Non erano sconci— Non erano animali! Eran due lacci isolati nei divini stivali! Non m'è mai'mportato tanto di gay ma ora me ne interesserei
[PAPÀ DI RAM & CONGREGAZIONE] E ora ho imparato ad amare…
[PAPÀ DI RAM] Amo il mio morto figlio gay!
[CONGREGAZIONE] Ama suo figlio Ama suo figlio Il suo morto gay figlio!
[PAPÀ DI RAM] Ora, dico che mio figli'è in Paradiso! E che s'abbronza in piscina Il cherubino cammina con loro e, Gesù dice ch'è 'na cosa carina! Non hanno crimini o odio, non ci sono bigottismo o'nsulti - Solo persone amichevoli vestite come i loro compaesani preferiti! Non erano sconci—
[CONGREGAZIONE] No, no!
[PAPÀ DI RAM] Si sentivano rimossi!
[CONGREGAZIONE] Whoa!
[PAPÀ DI RAM] Nei lunghi capelli di Dio eran due elastici rossi Prima quando vedevo un gay avrei detto "Gli sparerei"
[PAPÀ DI RAM & CONGREGAZIONE] Ma ora ho imparato ad amare…
[PAPÀ DI RAM] E per di più! Quei due, eran coraggiosissimi! Quei due, ne erano coscientissimi! Quelli li avrebbero giudicati, eran disperati d'esser liberi! Si son comportati da ribelli, nudi quasi ai gioielli! Paul, non posso credere Che continui a rifiutar di capire Quest'è quel che eravam destinat'a fare—
(parlato) Parlo di me e te! Nell'estate dell'83!
[PAPÀ DI KURT, parlato] Quello è stato un viaggio particolare
[CONGREGAZIONE] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa Whoa, whoa, whoa! Non erano sconci— No! E non solo una percossa— No, no! Erano dello strass Sulla divina borsa!
[ENTRAMBI I PAPÀ] Il nostro lavoro è di fare quel che da tempo pensavo: "Lo farei"!
[CONGREGAZIONE] Perché ora amiamo, amiamo, amiamo Amiamo i vostri—
[PAPÀ DI RAM] Sono sù là al battito delle ali angeliche a ballar!
[PAPÀ DI KURT] Un compagno prendono…
[PAPÀ DI RAM] Verso l'un l'altro si tendono—
[ENTRAMBI I PAPÀ] Mentre Judy Garland sta a cantar!
[PAPÀ DI RAM] Vivono una seconda vita spensierata e spericolata!
[PAPÀ DI KURT] Si dondolan sul cancello incastonato—
[ENTRAMBI I PAPÀ & CONGREGAZIONE] E hanno una collana incastonata!
[CONGREGAZIONE] Whoo!
[ENTRAMBI I PAPÀ] Non erano sconci!
[CONGREGAZIONE] No!
[ENTRAMBI I PAPÀ & CONGREGAZIONE] Eran bravi uomini! E ora son felici cuccioli nella tana dei divini!
[ENTRAMBI I PAPÀ] Andate avanti e amatevi ora Come avrebbe fatto mio figlio Insegneremo al mond'ad amar...
[CONGREGAZIONE] Al mond'ad amar...
[TUTTI] Al mond'ad amar...
[ENTRAMBI I PAPÀ sovrapponendosi con la congregazione] Amo il mio morto gay figlio! Mio figlio! Mio figlio!
[CONGREGAZIONE] Non tanto male, il tuo morto figlio gay! Vorrei aver il tuo morto figlio gay! Grazie, papà, per il tuo...
[ENTRAMBI I PAPÀ & CONGREGAZIONE] Morto! Figlio! Gay!
So, direct translation! (used in this to specify the meanings and explain certain word choices)
[RAM'S DAD, spoken] You wait just a minute, Paul! It is this ignorant, hateful way of talking like yours that makes this world a place our boys could not tolerate!
(sung) They were not dirty(but as in filthy/indecent)! It (I mean as in their "love" but can't find a way to specify it) wasn't a small oversight! They were two lonely verses In the great divine(/heavenly? I don't really know how to translate that but it's as in God's/Heaven's) song!
[KURT'S DAD, spoken] Our sons were pansies, Bill!
[RAM'S DAD] Yes! My son's a homosexual And of that I wouldn't be ashamed (for the rhyme)— I want the world to know... I love my dead gay(those two got inverted [gay and son])son!
(spoken) I've remained to think. To pray. To read some magazines. And it's time we opened our minds!
(sung) Well, the good Lord made the universe The Lord created humanity And I believe it's all a part of his plan in its immensity I know God has a reason For each ocean and drop And why he chose to let our boys do each other in the shower! They were not dirty(/filthy/indecent)— They were not animals (it fit for the rhyme)! They were just two stray laces in the divine(/Heaven's/the Lord's) big boots Well, I never cared for homos much but now I would be interested [RAM’S DAD & CONGREGATION] And now I've learned to love…
[RAM’S DAD] I love my dead gay(inverted in this part [son and gay])son!
[CONGREGATION] He loves his son He loves his son His dead gay son!
[RAM'S DAD] Now, I say my boy's in Heaven! And he's tanning by the pool The cherubim walks with them, and Jesus says it's cute! They don't have crime or hatred, there's no bigotry or insults - Just friendly fellows dressed up like their fav'rite fellow village Person! They were not dirty(filthy/indecent)—
[CONGREGATION] No, no!
[RAM’S DAD] They felt removed (for the rhyme)!
[CONGREGATION] Whoa!
[RAM’S DAD] They were two bright red rubberbands in God's long hair Before(,) when I saw a homo(/gay) I would've said "I'd shoot him" [RAM’S DAD & CONGREGATION] But now I've learned to love…
[RAM’S DAD] And furthermore! These boys were very brave! These boys , they were very conscient of it! Those folks would judge 'em, they were desperate to be free! They behaved like rebels, stripped almost to their jewels(/balls/testicles)! Paul, I can't believe That you keep on refusing to understand This is what we were meant to be doing—
(spoken) I'm talkin’ you and me! In the summer of '83!
[KURT'S DAD, spoken] That was one particular trip
[CONGREGATION] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa Whoa, whoa, whoa! They were not dirty(/filthy/indecent)— No! And not only a hit (because they were bullies and hit people and that's what they were recognised from? Would that make sense?)— No, no! (Damn ok thanks for the confirmation) They were rhinestones On the divine(/Heaven's/God's) purse!
[BOTH DADS] Our job is now doing what for long I thought: "I'd do this"! [CONGREGATION] 'Cause now we love, love, love! We love your dead—
[RAM’S DAD] They're up there disco dancing to the thump of angel wings!
[KURT’S DAD] They grab a mate…
[RAM’S DAD] And lean(more like tend/stretch) toward each other—
[BOTH DADS] While Judy Garland is singing!
[RAM’S DAD] They live a second life that's fancy-free and reckless!
[KURT'S DAD] They swing upon the gates with gemstones set inside them—
[BOTH DADS & CONGREGATION] And wear a necklace with gemstones set inside it!
[CONGREGATION] Whoo!
[BOTH DADS] They were not dirty(/filthy/indecent)!
[CONGREGATION] No!
[BOTH DADS & CONGREGATION] They were good men! And now they're happy cubs in the Gods' (yup the apostrophe placing is intentional and not a mistake, that's what I mean, I'm hinting at the trinity) den!
[BOTH DADS] Go forth and love each other now Like my boy would have done We'll teach the world to love...
[CONGREGATION] The world to love...
[ALL] The world to love...
[BOTH DADS overlapping with congregation] I love my dead gay son! My son! My son!
[CONGREGATION] Not half bad, your dead gay son! Wish I had your dead gay son! Thank you, dad, for your...
[BOTH DADS & CONGREGATION] Dead! Gay! Son! OG LYRICS (if you’re seeing this I doubt you don’t know them, but here they are anyway):
[RAM'S DAD, spoken] You wait just a minute, Paul! It is ignorant, hateful talk like yours that makes this world a place our boys could not live in!
(sung) They were not dirty! They were not wrong! They were two lonely verses In the Lord's great song!
[KURT'S DAD, spoken] Our boys were pansies, Bill!
[RAM'S DAD] Yes! My boy's a homosexual And that don't scare me none— I want the world to know... I love my dead gay son!
(spoken) I've been thinking. Praying. Reading some magazines. And it's time we opened our eyes!
(sung) Well, the good Lord made the universe The Lord created man And I believe it's all a part of his gigantic plan I know God has a reason For each mountain and each flower And why he chose to let our boys get busy in the shower! They were not dirty— They were not fruits! They were just two stray laces in the Lord's big boots Well, I never cared for homos much until I reared me one
[RAM’S DAD & CONGREGATION] But now I've learned to love…
[RAM’S DAD] I love my dead gay son!
[CONGREGATION] He loves his son He loves his son His dead gay son!
[RAM'S DAD] Now, I say my boy's in heaven! And he's tanning by the pool The cherubim walk with him and him, and Jesus says it's cool! They don't have crime or hatred, there's no bigotry or cursin' - Just friendly fellows dressed up like their fav'rite Village Person! They were not dirty—
[CONGREGATION] No, no!
[RAM’S DAD] They just had flair!
[CONGREGATION] Whoa!
[RAM’S DAD] They were two bright red ribbons in the Lord's long hair Well, I used to see a homo and go reachin' for my gun
[RAM’S DAD & CONGREGATION] But now I've learned to love…
[RAM’S DAD] And furthermore! These boys were brave as hell! These boys , they knew damn well! Those folks would judge 'em, they were desperate to be free! They took a rebel stance, stripped to their underpants! Paul, I can't believe that you Still refuse to get a clue After all that we been through—
(spoken) I'm talkin’ you and me! In the summer of '83!
[KURT'S DAD, spoken] That was one hell of a fishing trip
[CONGREGATION] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa Whoa, whoa, whoa! They were not dirty— No! And not perverse— No, no! They were just two stray rhinestones On the Lord's big purse!
[BOTH DADS] Our job is now continuing the work that they begun!
[CONGREGATION] 'Cause now we love, love, love! We love your dead—
[RAM’S DAD] They're up there disco dancing to the thump of angel wings!
[KURT’S DAD] They grab a mate…
[RAM’S DAD] And roller skate—
[BOTH DADS] While Judy Garland sings!
[RAM’S DAD] They live a playful afterlife that's fancy-free and reckless!
[KURT'S DAD] They swing upon the pearly gates—
[BOTH DADS & CONGREGATION] And wear a pearly necklace!
[CONGREGATION] Whoo!
[BOTH DADS] They were not dirty!
[CONGREGATION] No!
[BOTH DADS & CONGREGATION] They were good men! And now they're happy bear cubs in the Lord's big den!
[BOTH DADS] Go forth and love each other now Like our boys would have done We'll teach the world to love...
[CONGREGATION] The world to love...
[ALL] The world to love...
[BOTH DADS overlapping with congregation] I love my dead gay son! My son! My son!
[CONGREGATION] Not half bad, your dead gay son! Wish I had your dead gay son! Thank you, dad, for your...
[BOTH DADS & CONGREGATION] Dead! Gay! Son! THE ONE I NOW COMPARE IT TO (29/5/24)
#heathers#heathers the musical#heathers 1989#paul kelly#bill sweeney#or however kurt and ram's dads are called#song adaptation#i'm sorry#in italiano#heathers fans my creativity has died I don't know what to tell you anymore#italian-speaking heathers fans look at the previous tag#i don't like this#i don't like it#except for one line/verse or two#non è ufficiale lol non so se hanno mai fatto la traduzione ufficiale o anche la traduzione#i tried to keep as many rhymes as possible#and failed miserably#some syllables got fucked up (not in a dead girl walking way but in an “i am damaged” way [tried my best])#and once again failed miserably#this machine runs on coffee adapts “heathers: the musical” songs in italian#dead gay son#also y'all remember you're gonna get another song at 9am (hour in France) or around that hour but later#though if you check tumblr at (hour in France) 10 you'll see it for sure#this one was made for pride month but i'm not proud of it#i would've eventually had to do it but still#i hate how it came out#the other one was the one that should've come out because yes I wanted it to come out#but yeah you guys still get this one because yes#it's not like it would've been better even if i'd done it another day later on
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You guys ever feel trapped? Yea I'm well-acquainted with the feeling of being trapped.
#*text#talk about unpleasant#sorry for only posting textposts here lately. I Forgot how I use this blog.#Also I'm gonna use this as an excuse to vent in the tags about something that's been bothering me today.#I hate days where it feels like I can't be the same person for even. idk. an hour?#I was gonna say just a general statement of 'I hate how I can't feel like the same person for more than an hour' but then I realized it onl#particularly bothered me today so maybe it's just a sometimes thing. throws hands up in the air I WOUDLN'T KNOW#It's just...nothing I do throughout the day matches. i keep starting new things only to forget about them (or forget how much I cared#about them) and try something else later. resulting in a long line of unfinished stuff and frustration.#I keep trying to come up with new conclusions/solutions to problems I've run through my head a million times already.#problems I didn't know I had or forgot about pop up etc.#I'll be doing fine and then I'll just feel stranded out of nowhere with no idea why and trying to figure out if this is normal for me.#I've felt stranded all day.#it's just ugh. i'm so confused. it's been a day i guess.#all the words i write feel kinda foreign to me sometimes. short term memory problems I guess. ✌️#but also I feel very very locked in a really limited worldview. or just like. my world feels very small like tunnel vision kind of thing an#for that reason it just feels like it'll go on the same forever and ever and ever. which is a very scary thought.#idk if my logical 'well that obviously isn't the case. things will change eventually' rebuttal is good enough to go against it.#so there you go I wrapped it all back to the point of the post: feeling trapped. yayyy#i don't mean to make myself sound so sad and pitiful. usually i'm doing fine and bad things kinda just don't register in my brain#but there are Secret Evil Feelings inside me that I don't even know about and sometimes I like to poke them with a stick.
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just wrapped the first christmas present of the year ❤️
#for my friend who hates presents of course 😂#its the stupid teddy bear onesie he has magically instantly putgrown BOTH the previous times i got him one it fit him for like a week 😤#so i got it in the next two sizes up and that's that!!!!#babies grow so fast wtf never buy clothes as a present for a baby that's all i can say#but i can't accept defeat so here we go#his mom will appreciate it even tho she doesn't like getting presents tho lol#and its insane to give christmas presents before thanksgiving but for all i know this baby is gonna outgrow them both by then#i literally bought the size 9-12 months like last month#i ordered it immediately after his mom told me she THOUGHT HE WOULD BE IN THAT SIZE SOON#and it was already too toght on him when it arrived a week later 😭#so now i got size 12-18 and size 18-24 this baby's gonna be cozy this winter or else!!!#i cannot afford this btw#the original onesie was pretty cheap it was o. sale for like $17 but then i bought it twice#and the size maxed out at 9-12 months#so i had to upgrade to a toddler one and it was $22 and i got two of them again plus shipping#and i only make 14 dollars an hour and i'm lucky to work even two days a week at my new job lol#im putting off getting a second job until after i cover a coworkers maternity keave in feb tho bc then i def would be full time#for at least 6 weeks#and its possible she might decide not to come back or another aide would leave by then#so i might have an opportunity to be full time by then ir at least close to that#anyway#no money november fr 😔#just realized my tags are confusing my friend is the mom not the baby 😂#she's the one who gates receiving gifts bc she feels awkward lol#but she's broke af and can't afford clothes for her baby let alone cute ones and she loved the onesie when she fot it at her baby shower#but then the baby came a week and a half late#he was supposed to be a march baby he was born in april#and all of a sudden it was too warm for the onesie and he inly got to wear it once#so i was like ok i will get another one in the fall/winter then#but alas
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I fucking HATE how the fandom treats m.ine. it's so bad 😭
#ash rambles 💚#so many shitty takes... too much time on twitter ruins a man#i hear one more person call him a crazy obsessive yandere and i think I'm actually gonna lose it#he's either portrayed like that or as one half of a ship#his actual character is lost on so many people because oOoOOoOOooOoO mInE wAs GaY#i dont doubt that he likes men. it's just that I've seen so many people be weird about it-#also. it's not fucking sexy to wanna kill your partner. a bullet between the eyes isn't an act of love.#I saw a tweet today about how m.ine actually wanted to kill k.iryu because he thought d.aigo liked k.iryu romantically#and m.ine only wants d.aigo to himself. and THAT'S why m.ine wanted to kill k.iryu.#let that sink in. 😐.#i hate how the fandom treats him SO MUCH#i will sit in my corner here. and i will kiss m#m.ine. and we will kiss a lot. and things are good. we are happy. we are far away from all of that.#I'm not saying every fan of his is horrible. I've seen a lot of great stuff and content! but holy shit I've seen some horrible stuff too#and it's hard to not feel like I'm doing something wrong by shipping with him. by loving a guy who the world has always hated.#and ofc I'm not! but still! even whenever i rb content of him here I'm always so afraid ajdhajsj#like ah yes this is the day i finally get cancelled on tumblr dot com for (checks notes) ... shipping with y.oshitaka m.ine??#I'm honestly afraid to take him up to being an official f/o ajdhajsb i think he'll stay in crush jail a little while longer..#i hate how the fandom perceives him so much!!!!!!! i also just hate the y.akuza fandom in general lmao#i do also like k.iryu so.. I've seen shit 😐#I'll delete this later but oh boy i am in a mood#and i know this isnt the first time I've blogged about this#and for that i do apologize. but i really do love this guy and despite wanting to look for content of him i always end up finding the most#infuriating shit!#i know he's done fucked up things. he's not a great guy. but! our relationship is built on mutual trust and i will NEVER write any of that#creepy obsessive shit that the stupid fandom always portrays him as doing! he's not going to kill someone for getting too close to me-#I'm just... upset- get behind me honey! I'll shield you!#and by kissing him I'm not brushing over any of the shit he does in the game. yes he beheaded that guy. yeah he slapped that orphan.#but i adore him and omg i hit tag limit... oopsie daisy lol sorry guys 😭 I'm really sorry for always talking abt this#you were beautiful ����
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Anyway, so here's the snippets for that Nine/Shadow(/Sonic) angstober fic I mentioned before! This one is going to be a bit messier than my other stuff probably, so that's always fun. Anyway, I might actually get this done this month, so whoop whoop 🎊🎊
#sonic#sonic prime#shadow the hedgehog#nine sonic prime#sonic isn't physically here but still important#after finishing to write one of the later scenes i have a feeling y'all are gonna hate me for the direction this is going to lean into XD#i'd apologize in advance but i'm kinda having fun writing this soooooo#it's not even that bad so i don't know why i'm acting like it is 💀 i feel like that makes it sound like i'm talking about something else#i wonder what tags i'm gonna be using for this one tho...#angstober#angstober 2024#momento writes (sometimes)
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so apparently the side effects from the metronidazole got to us so much that now I get to have recurring nightmares about it.
some of the side effects we had happened to match up with the symptoms of the start of a much worse reaction you can have to those meds, and luckily it didn't end up being that, but we spent a few days absolutely terrified by the possibility of it, and clearly that was enough because now we're having nightmares about getting that much worse reaction.
I guess we'll see if that calms down any time soon, but given everything that's happened over the last few months I get the feeling that once we've gotten stuff sorted and things calm down a bit and our brain starts processing everything we're gonna realise just how much all this has fucked us up and trying to process and deal with it all is gonna be exhausting
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#posts made on pain meds#<- I keep forgetting to add this tag because after taking codeine for nearly 3 months I feel more normal after taking it#anyway. woohoo. more medical trauma. exactly what I fucking need on top of all the pre-existing medical trauma#between not having adequate pain relief and nobody recognising that we had an abscess#despite us telling multiple people that taking 3 different pain meds wasn't enough#and then stuff not being communicated properly so we've ended up having to wait longer for surgery#and then us having bad reactions to multiple meds where we've had to call for urgent advice because we couldn't keep taking the meds#plus we've basically bankrupted ourselves paying for this surgery because the only other option was waiting 12 months for it instead#I think the minute we're able to process any of this it's gonna be a fucking disaster#also just... all the shit going on in the background on top of this that we really need to deal with our emotions around#except we can't handle doing that right now because we're too busy trying to keep our shit together with this stuff#I hate knowing I'm gonna have to deal with PTSD symptoms later but like right now I'm still in the situation#I always feel like I sound really dramatic when I describe a situation I'm in as being traumatic#but holy shit it's been hell
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a bit insane to know there's people out there who think i'm hot shit tbh. you know i'm a pathetic cringefail loser who literally can't do anything, right?? please raise your standards 😔💔
#had a meeting with my mentor/guide/man i really gotta figure out some english word for her today#and basically unprompted she brought up that like. she thinks i'm amazing for having goals and working to get them#which i was honestly baffled by bc. i don't do anything 👍#my past self sets shit up for me to regret later bc i hate doing stuff. that's it#never heard anyone describe me as ambitious but in her eyes that's like a defining trait of mine#i'm highkey worried i'm gonna disappoint her 😭 and. everyone else.#my method is usually to do the bare minimum so no one develops any expectations#and that way they're always surprised when i do more#unfortunately this plan falls flat bc for some reason ppl keep having expectations of me#not ill intentioned ones. idk if that's the words. ig they're more like hopes?#like they hope i'll do more they hope i'll be better. not for themselves but for me#and then that inevitable disappointment hurts in a different way bc you know it comes from genuine love#i can't even be mad in that case 😭 like what are their expectations of me. for me to be happy??#(honestly in that case i AM angry you should def drop that that's literally impossible 👍)#ok now i'm rambling. sorry. ig this conversation fucked me up a bit bc i've been real stressed since#vent#kinda???????#ask to tag
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so maybe i got another animatic idea. what of it
more indecipherable sketches under the cut!
#sunblood#depending how this does in the brawl against all my other animatic ideas im either gonna be talking a lot more about them very soon or i'm#not gonna mention them again until like 5 business months later. 50/50!#i hate them so much get outta my head you shmucks#uhh wtf do i tag them#oc#original character#character design#?? fuck if i know#girls with swords??? girls in armor?????#headless#blood#not sure if this counts as gore but anyone lmk if it does (to them) n i'll tag stuff like this as gore properly then#monster#????#god#saint#fucks sake idk what to call that thing#yes i have a plot no im not writing it in the tags#briars_ocs#my_ocs
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Looking at some translation threads of the ryeji ig live and now I wanna write Yeji one week away from rut exhibiting classic alphaTM traits especially being over protective but it's in the softest way ever so instead of asserting dominance by growling or something she just starts pouting and surpassing even Ryujin's levels of cuddliness
#snowdd.txt#a!Yeji in my brain really do be '80% of Alpha stereotypes but SOFT'#i also just findbit so heartwarming that Yeji looks out for Ryujin on lives#like Ryujin doesn't care as she should and more power to her but we know how the internet is#i read it as her really not wanting her bestie to land in a random ass hate campaign#okay lemme sleep though I'm never gonna stfu about these two now hgh#will edit or delete the tags later
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The world is set on prescriptivism and... it doesn't jive with me
#I could elaborate on what I mean; but I don't see much point when it's not like anyone's even gonna see this#and I just kinda doubt that anything I'd have to say here would be all that insightful anyway#but I just find myself a descriptivist living in a world full of prescriptivists#which maybe that sounds silly; but I promise I mean something specific with it#and a lot of what I mean boils down to the concept that almost everyone seems to 'know' the right way to go about this or that#where as me... the more I live the more I find everyone's path is unique; and the stuff that worked for me isn't a good fit for everyone#and on the inverse; things that make me miserable might be exactly what someone else needs#every solution needs to be custom tailored to fit the person who uses it; that's what I find#(you can make some general guesses or nudges; but you're going to need to treat the patient; not the chart)#(ie; you're gonna need to actually engage with the specific person and figure out what works; not just toss generalisims at them)#so that's my stance; I don't try and say how things should be (when it comes to people) I just try and see how they are and go from there#...that's not how much of anyone else tends to view things; so I find anyway#everyone always has infinite advice about how you can do exactly what they think would fix your situation#and it comes from a place of caring; doesn't it? they say do this cause they're convinced that's what you need to do#but... both for me and for others I find it's rarely that simple; if it was that easy they'd have already done it#it's like my last therapist; all these ideas about what I needed to do (that were dumb; but had a kernel of sense in them)#(things like his suggestion I play pvp in a game with bad pvp and also I hate pvp)#(when the better suggestion was to group more; because the point was to get out of my comfort zone in low risk ways)#but he had all these ideas and it felt like he got very frustrated when I wasn't moving forward; so... I quit seeing him#and... turns out what I needed to move forward was to wait like a year or two for a big shake up#where I finally had the chance to leverage things into owning my house... and then I could actually act again#like right now I may be stuck; but not like then; I actually do have many ways forward that I can try and work on things#(and... I slowly try to... I'm not why people seem so convinced that I haven't thought of trying to move forward...)#(I just suck and it takes me a long time... way longer than I'd like... but I do try and keep moving forward)#eh... why do I even bother writing shit like this?#mm tag so i can find things later
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i wish tumblr would let me put 2 videos in one post so i could post a comparison of how Chicory was acting normal and then 48 hours later was acting. not okay.
mostly so i could just point at it and go 'why are rats like this'
#thankfully she is doing better after i have given her a few doses of some of kyle's medicine#because. the way she was acting weird. makes me think it's probably also a pituitary tumor like he had :/#i know i'm being that annoying person that vets hate by diagnosing my pets myself#but when you have had 27 rats and your vet isn't able to see your rat until like 5 days later anyway#i think you should be allowed to do this. it took her 48 hours to go from completely fine to wobbly and lethargic#i can't just wait 120 more hours to hear what's actually wrong. she'd probably just be dead by then.#i haven't given her any of the cabergoline yet because i wanted to be sure she would actually improve with the pred#therefore making it more likely that i am correct on that being what's wrong. but i'm gonna try to give the last pill of kyle's to her#tomorrow morning. i don't have the good stuff that he would take it with tho so i hope she is much less pickly lol.#either way based on how long it took Kyle to show symptoms > when he got to the vet#Chicory. should hopefully. be okay. not sure what i'll do if she's not tbh!!!!!!!!!!#like ffs sakes couldn't you guys have at least waited a whole month. it's not even been a month since Kyle.#new rat ramblings#*new creative post tag here*
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oh my fucking god
I. I. Ok, so I heard that they'd taken out the ability to go up the reblog chain, but I assumed it was just for the one the person on your dash reblogged from?????
I have been "opening posts in a new tab" all day like I usually do, with the intention of going back and reblogging them all at the end and.
Not a single one of these tabs is an actual post. It's ALL just Tumblr main pages what the fuck
#Listen I know my system is dumb#but sometimes I don't want to do the tagging mess until later#or I just. Want it for easy access. Or.#How. How do I send friends not on Tumblr url links to posts now#Can you not...open posts on the actual blog any more??? Is it all dashboard???#I'm gonna start vomiting blood#it speaks#Prev tags is a plague but I can't describe enough how much I hate it here
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In related news to my return... Once I get their pictures done, alt has been made for Rhela’s Azem: Circe! [Any pronouns]
Proficient in magic to an awe-inspiring degree, he was somehow still better known for his chipper demeanor and wandering habits. Scheduling anything to his whims was practically a death knell; whether or not he’d show up on time... You’d have a better chance at predicting next moon’s new fad for creations.
And yet, it was that down-to-earth, endless need to wander which led her to meet Venat at all; the two quick friends and kindred spirits. Hades and Hythlodaeus took to her in a similar fashion; Hades insisting how tired he was, to be chasing after her all the time... Yet smiling in secret. Hythlodaeus, of course, was more than happy to encourage it all.
In that light, being nominated to the Seat of Azem only made sense, truly. The friendly spirit who brought a little life to all whom they interacted with... Who sought little adventures that would never end, cherished all life, lived with a passion unmatched...
Well. All stories end eventually. (But those that follow tend to spin just as wonderful as the original, no?)
#Aki Posts#About Circe the Azem#(...I know I'm gonna hate tagging that later)#ANYWAYS!! here they are!#I'm just kinda....fucking abt with them rn#don't have muns to do an immediate skip on any lvl#(story or literal lvl skip)#so I'm just playing as any Azem would intend it#half focus on the story!! do your own shit!!#we're gonna lvl a little bit of everything along the way#it'll be fun! probably!#Circe Azem
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