#((sometimes i need to distance myself to work on improving my life like when i workd 60-80 hour weeks))

[lifeonmarz-blog]

Sun through the houses: Synastry

Sun in 1st, the sun person makes the house person feel understood. Ive had this aspect with one of my bestfriends. He was my go to person, the first one id call when anything interesting happened. Its easy to share your feelings with the sun person it feels natural. We gave each other more confidence. He acknowledged accomplishments in my life that others didn't. Things that i didn't even give myself credit for he shined a light on. This placement made me act more fearlessly because someone else saw that quality in me.

Sun in 2nd, Stability is a common attraction to this placement. The sun person sees the house person as someone they can depend on. House person can help sun person financially or help develop their interest. Together these two can create great business plans, they work well together towards mutual interest. Others see the couple as very business oriented. I have this placement with one of my brothers both ways and we grew up sharing alot of our things sometimes because he had to other times because we knew that would allow us to both have more. Also i would borrow money from him he's always been a saver. Ive always preferred to exchange money for experiences.

Sun in 3rd, Sun person is very easy to talk to almost like a Therapist or something. Your secrets are spilled easily. The house person naturally wants to share here but it goes both ways the sun person also feels very understood by the house person. There's a mutual openness and grace with this placement. If you were in a long distance relationship this is type of placement that would be beneficial. I have this with a sibling he is the sun person and we have mutual interest so it makes collabing very easy. We tend to naturally operate in the same direction even though we individually don't think that similar.

Sun in 4th, This placement can feel like looking into a mirror. This person is a blatant reflection of some of your own behaviors. On the surface they seem like your ideal partner. Very well received by family. Honesty well received in general they look good together. This placement focuses on healing emotions in yourself that you reject. Its easier to be grateful for the little things with this person. They show you new ways to view the same things. Here you will see the areas where your being naive. They want you to believe in yourself as much as they do.

Sun in 5th, Child like fun happens here. The way the sun person expresses helps the house person not take things so seriously. The sun person is in awe of the house person. Its such a cute placement, The sun person makes the house person feel special. It may not be long term but it shows you how to just be, with no added pressures. Express your love today don't wait type of vibe. You may even talk about having babies here, are you actually serious probably not but this placement loves to feed into fantasies and ideals and that's nice sometimes. Someone i had this placement with would always tell me how beautiful i was even when i was just chilling in pajamas it was cute. Ive also been the sun person and the way the house person handled their problems and stayed so mentally strong was very inspiring to me. It made me want to be less reactive and more of a problem solver. I looked up to their resilience.

Sun in 6th, The house person feels the need to improve because of the sun person. The things that you choose to ignore are brought up here. The energy is like ''deal with it now, no more waiting". The house persons structure and discipline is being improved here. Its often that the house person doesn't want to be seen as lazy by the sun person. Which can be very helpful if you have goals your working towards. Their energy is motivating especially when it comes to business related things. House person doesn't want to disappoint the sun person. Sun person sees the house person as capable of great achievements.

Sun in 7th, Long term friendship or friends turned lovers is the theme in this house. Relationships built here usually started innocently from just being around each other alot. Sometimes the Sun person can have unfair expectations of the house person. Unbalanced relationships is common here one or both people can feel they carry more responsibility and burden. It can feel like at times communication is missed, misinterpretations can always be worked through if both people are willing to listen to understanding and if they are relationships here will go the distance. Both sets of my grandparents had this placement and were married for over 40 years. This could also be person you have a child with and now your bonded to each other even if their wasn't marriage. They feel a sense of home in each other. This couple could like to stay home and do things together.

Sun in 8th, The sun person buries themself into house persons wounds often times wounds they didn't even know they had. Both people are meant to be transformed by the union. If this relationship can make it through the first few initial hurtles which tend to be more dramatic, this relationship will keep you together for a while. The way the sun person expresses can have the house person feeling the need to keep a defense up. The sun person feels the house person is running away from their issues. Sun person is made to feel like the bad guy because their just more comfortable bringing up the hard topics. If the house person is willing to drop their defensiveness and the sun person is willing to be patient and tactful with the house person this relationship would be one of the phoenix rising from the ashes. They would be unbreakable together.

Sun in 9th, This couple inspires each other. Expanding what you thought you knew. Transforming what you thought love was. This is a beautiful placement of people learning a new viewpoint on love and self expression. Sun person expands house persons viewpoints more but this placement goes both ways. Topics that you wouldn't normally talk about gets discussed here. Long term friendships are built through the expansion of the mind. Affection is easily shown here taking trips together would do this couple well and deeper the connection. They want to give to each other and spending money together is one of their favorite things to do. This is honestly one of my favorite placements its mentally and physically expansive.

Sun in 10th, Sun person is proud of house person. They want to show house person off they feel lucky to be with house person. It makes them look good publicly. This couple has a relationship that is centered around fun. They want everyone to see their affection towards each other. This couple is friends first and lovers second. This placement isn't as emotionally deep but it will make you feel important. They want people to know how amazing you are. Its very easy to be yourself and tap into your more child like energies with this placement. This couple shows each other sides of themselves no one else knows about. With that being said they can also be vicious towards one another if this relationship turns sour this couple will have no problem having public disputes. Also this may be a taboo type of relationship were people don't understand why your together or be curious on how the person got with you.

Sun in 11th, I bet this relationship started with lighthearted playful flirting. This is the most "friendly" placement. Intimacy may take more work to develop here. Ive had this placement in a friends with benefits situation. It can easily turn into that if both people aren't intentional about what they’re looking for. If they are, this is a great placement. Communication feels very open and theirs no pressure. This couple merges friend groups and could've also meet through friends or have mutual friends. This couple networks well together and other people are very attracted to their energy together. Its fun to watch them interact with each other. They’re the type to be in a room full of people but have their own sidebar conversation and cues towards one another.

Sun in 12th, Spiritual connection or secret infatuation? My sun is in the 12th house so ive experienced this more times than i would like to but in the same breathe i love it. The sun person unintentionally test who you thought you were. Boundaries become blurred in this house but its slick, you might not even notice until after the fact. Things that you might find embarrassing happen here "thats never happened before" type of things. Alot of the communication in this house goes unsaid. Its like the little social cues that your supposed to just pick up on. It can also feel like your being observed on how you react to situations. You still seem to be mysterious to each other no matter how long you've known each other. Like there's still something being hidden from you. Without trust this placement could easily lead to feelings of being deceived. Thats not to say your not being deceived though. Cheating is common in the 12th house. You could be completely shocked and unaware about your partner living a double life. With the 12th house there's really no planet person, house person dynamic it switches back in fourth. Theres alot of talking behind each others back but that doesn't have to be a bad thing the person could be speaking well about you, putting your name in the right spaces. You know the feeling of walking into a room that people were just talking about you in? Its like you didn't physically hear it but you feel it. Someones sun in your 12th can give that type of feeling for both people. If its not operating from an expansive place. If it is you experience complete devotion. Two people committed to the relationship no matter where its headed. Someone you can experience complete intimacy and vulnerability with. Complete was an unintentional brilliant choice of words here. Not to many can navigate the 12th house and make it out together but if you do... you'll feel you've completed something great and felt a connection sent directly from god.

[tarot-by-e11e]

Hi, Elle! This is my feedback for your "Home" tarot game.

To be honest, I don't even know where to begin. You mentioned a lot of points that describe my situation, or how I act considering things in general. Let me start off by saying thank you for this reading.

Yes, if money wasn't an issue, my house/apartment would be a space I'd be comfortable whether I'm busy or stay at home for months so it would have all my interests in there. Thanks, I also wish you get the house and life of your dreams!

Also, the only earth placements I have are my Jupiter and Saturn in Taurus (Tropical), with Capricorn as my Venus (Vedic). However, I think what strongly relates more with your assumption is my Saturn conjunct MC. I have them EXACTLY conjunct with each other, which probably explains this need for me to be productive and make use of my time. I'm really working on being more lenient with letting myself rest though.

Also, off-topic, I just want to say that I've had quite a number of reading that usually have either the Death or Emperor card. Sometimes, even both. It could also be for any reading, not just self-improvement 😭 I just felt like this was interesting and all telling me something more about taking more initiative and being more open to different aspects of my life.

Speaking of changes, I'm going to skip first to your Phoenix comment. I think I understand your confusion since my relationship with change is this: I know it so well that I could even thoroughly explain what kind of changes should happen in my life and how it should happen. I understand and acknowledge the need for it. I accept and look for these changes, but it feels like inaction happens when I actually have to change something. It's not that I don't want to, but despite efforts, I still have fears I haven't fully resolved. So, that's probably why I reasonate with the Phoenix. This, then, brings me to my routines. As a matter of fact I do love having routines - gives more direction to my life. The thing is, yes, I can hold quite a grip on my routines for fear of possibilities of things that could happen or people that could screw me up (I'm really working on this but so far, this is my hardest "challenge"). I believe I've been more selective of the people I let in my life and I'm proud of myself for that. However, I can't distance myself from some of my relatives yet when I'm still not stable enough to do that. Haha.

You also hit the bull's eye with your momentum comment. Since, yes, I am someone who needs to acknowledge that I do need to change but not at the expense of burning myself out. However, I think I'm still in the process finding my rhythm that I do give my time a long time to rest, then I feel the need to make-up for it since what if I over-extended my rest? There's that kind of feeling sometimes. Thank you, though. I know it isn't a sprint and honestly I'm not getting outer pressure anymore but from time-to-time, I tend to push myself more just because I know I can (though I know even if I rest I still can reach it, it's just my need of having this stability).

This was a great reading and reminder. Thank you once again <33

Hi dear,

Thank you so much for sending me such thorough and heartfelt feedback. Life has been rather hectic, so I'm only able to properly respond to this feedback now~

I seriously wish you get to live in an environment where you feel safe to exist and just be yourself as unapologetically as possible. With my dream house, OMG I hope so too! Actually, let's both work hard to get it! Best of luck for us in the future!

With the astrology part, having earth placements does have that kind of effect on people. So just do what you feel called to do.

Maybe those two cards have some sort of significance in your life since they kept showing up in your other readings.

Ohhh interesting, this inaction can also be perceived as an internal resistance to change. I do really like your take on the Phoenix. But hey, don't beat yourself for being strict about your routines, especially if you have dealt with unreliable people in the past who mistook your kindness for weakness.

I'm also proud of you that you're learning to discern that not everyone deserves to have any access in your life. You don't have to go about it so abruptly, just pace yourself and take your time. You'll get there eventually. Yup, you're right about that.

Just get stable first before making a big move, also do it secretly and discretely. Unfortunately, there are certain relatives that are shameless and uncouth, that the moment they get a whiff that you have a bit of money, they'd come barging in your front door, demanding for a piece of the pie. The same people are so quick to shame you for putting healthy boundaries when you don't give them what they want, like some entitled spoiled brat throwing a temper tantrum.

When it comes to momentum, try to sit down and assess yourself first. How long can you hold focus? How many minutes or hours does it take before your brain doesn't wanna accept any information anymore? What effective mental recesses do you already implement in your life? Which productivity hack works and doesn't work for you? What kind of planner are you? How do you best retain and master a certain information or technique?

Then take notes of your progress.

How long can you consistently show up to a certain habit with this specific strategy? What do you like about this strategy? What do you not like about it?

Treat your progress, as if you're keeping track of all the developments and occurrences that happen when observing a science experiment.

But overall, I'm truly happy that you resonated with the reading. I do hope and wish all the best for you and your endeavors.

[greetingsfromuranus]

Hello. I'll ask you a strange question because I have a similar obsession to eene. This concerns me personally, if anything. I love this cartoon mainly because of Edd and it scares me... I have an obsession that some years, I am trying to stop loving Edd and this cartoon, but everything returns to my roots as soon as I even see something related. This makes me feel more uncomfortable. This has never happened to me, I always stopped loving something at some point and my obsession became weaker. Do you have any advice? Sometimes I regret that I even decided to watch this cartoon.. This cartoon is cool, but it's not worth my obsession. And especially Edd, he’s a simple character who shouldn’t be liked so much, it’s not normal. I seriously want to found a religion for him, it scares me, I have always condemned such dependence, but now I behave the same way.. I’m disgusted with myself.. I became a fanatic, it's disgusting! I try to shift my attention to something else, but everything comes back to EEnE! It sounds funny, but I really suffer from this addiction, maybe I need a specialist :(

I understand how you feel, I know what it's like to be so obsessed with something unattainable that it hurts, but I don't think you should beat yourself up over it! You deserve better! Being ashamed or feeling disgusted with yourself is only going to make it hurt more - so I do think it would be a good idea to accept that part of you, so that you can cope better, and have more energy to put into constructive things :)

From my experience, trying to repress things internally often doesn't work, or can lead to heartbreak, and I don't want you to hurt yourself trying to do that. You shouldnt be ashamed of love! You cant control it, and its not your fault if it's something you dont want! I know being obsessed the way we are can be really really painful, scary, or it feels stupid, or like a waste of time. But chances are, you can't control how long it lasts or how intense it is - so I believe the best course of action is to try and work alongside the obsession to do something constructive or improve yourself.

You can't control the things your brain latches onto, but you can control what you do with them! Like for me, my obsession with Edd helped me finally start cleaning my living space (it was nearly hoarding, you couldn't see the floor most of the time. Ive been like this my whole life.), and helped me get the motivation to really work on improving my art. I'm not sure what skills you personally would like to focus on, but there are many things you could do! For example, you could learn coding & website design by making a website for him, or you could start leaning any sort of craft so you can make art of him!

Now on the other hand, I know how obsessions this strong can make one feel. I know it can feel so intense it's painful or scary, and I know how it hurts when you can't have the object of your love with you irl. There are many times when my obsession with him physically hurt so bad that i just wished it would stop. I know that pain so deeply, and I understand if keeping your obsession isn't worth it to you anymore. I'd seriously reccomend trying out the things I mentioned earlier, but if they don't work, it's important that you use healthy methods to distance yourself from it

One idea I have would be to find some healthy hobbies, like going on walks/hikes, gardening, cycling, cooking etc... better yet, find a club or something to join, just anything else to focus on! I really reccomend outdoor ones, because 1: there really is alot of natural beauty in the world, so many beautiful things to love, and 2: it's easier to distance yourself from the internet, tv, and any other things that would remind you of EEnE. Do something to keep you from getting bored, so your mind doesn't wander too much and go back to the obsession. (I will say, cooking is quite time consuming and takes alot of thinking! It could be a good distraction that's also fun and good for you)

I think your best bet would be to do a combination of both of these! Take energy away from feeling upset at yourself, and instead put it into doing something good for you. I know it can be difficult to start new things like that, but its at least worth a try. There's no guarantee the obsession would stop, but hopefully you may be able to find something to help put you in a better mindset! Once you're feeling better inside, the obsession may not hurt as much, or be as intense, and it will be easier to live with! :) this may be tough, but hopefully you will end up somewhere better in the long run!

You may have to try some different things and think of some more ideas, but if nothing works, it may be a good idea to talk to a professional about it! I'm sure it would be helpful in some way, and I really do hope you can be happier. They would likely have more guidance to give you than I do

Please feel free to ask me for any advice or support, I want you to be able to live happier. I'll be there to talk whenever you need. I care about you!! Please don't beat yourself up over anything, just try to cope as well as you can. Your happiness is most important. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you need to do 💛 and I hope it hurts less in the future

[redjadethewriter]

"You're Brave To Choose 'Not' To Forgive"

While watching an ex-therapist discuss the concept of forgiveness, their perspective intrigued me. They argued that forgiveness can sometimes serve as a way to dissociate from our true feelings. It was a refreshing take, as we often hear phrases like “You need to find forgiveness in your perpetrator” or “You’re brave for being so forgiving.” However, I believe there is a distinction between apologizing for our actions and genuinely working on personal growth and emotional maturity.

Apologizing involves taking accountability for the harm we have caused and actively striving to become a better person. It requires self-reflection and understanding of the root causes of our destructive actions. It is not about seeking forgiveness solely to repair relationships or improve our image in the eyes of others.

In the past, I apologized with the expectation of forgiveness, without truly learning from my mistakes. I yearned to have that person back in my life or to enhance my reputation, rather than sincerely addressing the underlying issues that led to my harmful behavior. I now realize that I needed to take responsibility for my actions and focus on personal growth, rather than seeking forgiveness as a means to move on.

It is essential to delve into the reasons behind our uncontrollable emotions and the destructive actions they may trigger. By understanding the root of these issues, we can work towards genuine personal growth and emotional healing.

The guy spoke about his decision not to forgive his parents, explaining how it saved his life. This choice helped him grieve, reconnect with his emotions, and ultimately recover from his trauma. I can completely understand why he needed to do that, and it made me reflect on my own experiences. Why did we spend so many years constantly forgiving those who hurt us the most? In his case, he had to forgive his parents because he depended on them. He talked about feeling trapped, having nowhere else to go, lacking the financial means to leave, and being too inexperienced to navigate life on his own. It’s devastating when forgiveness becomes the only option, leading to dissociation and enduring constant issues, all while trying to cope with the trauma of being stuck with the very people who caused it.

I have spoken to many people in my life who describe feeling like orphans, despite having parents. These individuals have endured neglect, deficient parenting, and various forms of abuse. Some of them even argue that certain individuals should never become parents in the first place. I deeply admire those who openly admit that they do not want to have children to spare them from inheriting or experiencing trauma. It shows their recognition of the flaws within the current system.

Occasionally, my mother has expressed her wish that she had never been born when overwhelmed by life’s challenges. It’s an unsettling sentiment, but it’s a rare occasion where we find common ground. These conversations may not be healthy, but then again, mentally or emotionally healthy individuals did not raise us, nor did we grow up in a safe environment.

I even had to tell my mother that she doesn’t have to forgive anyone, but she should acknowledge that our entire bloodline is dysfunctional. This dysfunction stems from centuries of accumulated issues and challenges. However, it doesn’t mean that we must subject ourselves to toxicity any longer. Instead, let’s wish them well and distance ourselves from the negativity.

Of course, there are some individuals who choose to believe in forgiveness as a virtue and expose themselves to a lot of nonsense, even when they have the means to separate themselves from it. On the other hand, there are those of us who don’t have that luxury and must find a way to survive by any means necessary.

As for me, I cannot bring myself to forgive anyone for their actions. I simply acknowledge that we are all products of the accumulated nonsense that has plagued our bloodline and society. However, it is crucial that actions are held accountable and not excused.

I once had a friend who desired her parents to take responsibility for their actions. I had to explain to her it’s highly unlikely that she will ever receive that accountability from them, and the same may be true for the rest of us. The individuals who have caused harm would first have to acknowledge to themselves that they have done something truly terrible that has hurt us. Unfortunately, I doubt their ego will allow them to do so, as it would mean they would have to confront their own flaws and potentially view themselves as less than good people, especially if they hold that belief about themselves.

Hence, I concur that forgiveness may not be the most effective approach in life. As he remarked, “It’s courageous of you to choose not to forgive,” and I fully agree. This is true when you have been raised to believe that forgiveness is an empowering act, when in reality, I have never experienced a sense of empowerment or liberation when uttering the words, “I forgive you.” Instead, I would much prefer to witness individuals taking proactive steps to improve themselves as human beings, without expecting my forgiveness. Merely recognizing their struggles and acknowledging that they have personal issues to overcome would suffice.

Thank you!

[zetaro]

Rambly lil post about some things going through my head. TW: depression stuff

When I was a kid, my friend got hit in the face with a basketball. Me being ever the 9 year old comedian joked about getting them an ambulance, maybe to distract them from the pain, maybe cause I didn't know how else to deal with the situation, maybe cause I was just being a lil shit, I no longer remember. What I do remember, and what I probably will remember for the rest of my life, is what they said next: "you can't help, you can only be sarcastic". and they were right, I was not helping in that situation. I don't think I had the tools nessicary to help. My friend was in pain, and I had failed to help them.

That feeling, and those words, stuck with me. At times, it lead me to isolate myself from the people around me. If I couldn't improve thier lives in any way, the best thing I could do for them is keep my distance. A lot of lonely bus rides home were the result of this line of thinking. Those words would play out at my lowest moments and worst of failures. "You can't help" became "what are you even doing here? You can't help and will only make things worse". It made me question my worthiness to even exist.

Other times, these words would make me into a door mat. "You cant help" you say? Ill show you, ill be the most helpful person this side the Mississippi. Id bend over backwards to anyone who I might be able to prove my worth to. If they needed a light I would set myself ablaze just to help them see. Needless to say I burnt out. And when you are in a state where you can no longer help yourself, it is near impossible to help others in any meaningful way. So we cycle back a paragraph and shut ourselves off from the world.

Even though i have grown a lot since then, I still find myself slipping into these old hats every once and a while. Id like to think that i am a generous person, something that I don't intend to change, but I now realize how there are unfortunately people who are too eager to take advantage of the kindness I offer. I also still turtle up in my shell when things get tough. If I am unable to help others, then I should be alone, or at least that's the thinking process. It's made asking for help difficult, but I am still learning and growing. And even though I really want to help others as much as I can, I now realize that I need to be solid aswell. It takes a balance, one that I am still trying to get right.

I think its quite interesting how little events from our past, seeming innocuous to others, can shape the people we become. I'm thankful for what my friend said that day because it made me want to be a selfless person. But at the same time, those words haunted me, and every person I let down that voice re-appeared. "You can't help". And you know what? Sometimes I can't help, and that is okay. I am trying my best to help however I can whenever I am able. And even though I will not always be able to help, I will do my best to try, and I hope that is enough. "You can't help" becomes "you didn't help, but you tried, and maybe next time you will".

So I guess if you are reading this then thanks for hearing my thoughts, I hope they were somewhat interesting. The takeaway is idk try and do good but if it doesn't work out then don't sweat it too much. Mission failed we'll get em next time kinda energy. Change what you can, accept that you can't change some things.

[mbti-notes]

Hey there mbti-notes! I hope you've been doing well and I wish you the best :)

I'm a nonbinary ISFP (16) and was wondering if you could give any advice or tips for a youngin like me who's currently feeling slumped and depressed. I'm quite sensitive and can go way too deep into my emotions and it bothers me a lot. Sometimes to the point where I neglect my daily needs such as food and sleep. I've abandoned a lot of friendships over the years too, due to my insecurity and lack of emotional support at home. It's affected my creative productivity as well.

I've been like this for quite a few years now but I managed to pull through somehow without therapy (Which I will be going to soon) but would love to hear your insight if there's any way I could improve myself and my mindset as an ISFP teen. I would really appreciate it!

The answer lies in the auxiliary function, consult the Type Development Guide. People often say, "I'm depressed, so I don't have energy to do anything". But in many cases, it's really "I never do anything, so I never have energy". This is counterintuitive but true.

Did you know that one of the most effective ways to combat depression is physical exercise? How can that be? In simple terms, doing/moving keeps your body running more efficiently, which means it recharges your energy more efficiently as well. When you recharge energy more efficiently, you'll have more mental energy for planning, organizing, and goal achievement. As an introvert, you have to discover the sweet spot of just enough movement to re-energize yourself but not so much that you feel depleted and demoralized. This sweet spot can also change as your body gets more fit.

You can think of your body like a traditional car battery. A car battery helps power your car, but it also needs you to drive the car a certain distance in order to maintain a full charge and achieve a longer lifespan. Similarly, you need to use your physical body a certain amount to maintain healthy energy levels. This is especially true for SPs because Se is generally more reliant on physical activity for recharging. Remember that "physical activity" isn't necessarily a boring workout routine. It can be anything that gets you up and moving, engaging your heart and muscles.

Gradually insert physical activity into your daily routine. Start off small with some fun hands-on activities, then work your way up to more intensive activities that you've never tried before. This should eventually get your Se up and running properly. Once your body is in better condition, your mood should improve as well, and then you can use that mental energy to improve other aspects of your life, such as your social life or work life.

[containatrocity]

THE CANARY: KERRY "LEX" COLEMAN

So long live the car crash hearts, cry on the couch all the poets come to life- Fix me in forty-five.

"Doctor Kerry Aleksandre Coleman. Though most people call me Lex or Doc. I'm 35 years old, and while I was born in Montpellier, France, I studied psychology and law in New York City where I would quickly make a name for myself as a capable criminal psychologist in several high-profile cases. At least, I had until three years ago when the long-distance trip I was making to testify in a case took a wrong turn and stranded me in Huntsville. The night of my arrival took several things from me, including my pregnant wife and any hope I had of leaving this place ever again. While I do not fall victim to many vices, I've been described as a harsh, apathetic man who largely cares only for results. Suppose that's good news though, given I've been one of the town's only practicing psychiatric health professionals since 2020."

Name: Dr. Kerry Aleksandre Coleman

Aliases: Lex, Canary, Shrinky Dink, Doc, Ker-bear

Age: 35 (December 31st)

Sexuality/Gender: Bisexual Demiromantic Cis (?) Man he/they

Personality: Lex is a hard man to love. Apathetic, harsh, and short in temper, his tendency to tell people what they need to know but don't want to hear has made him little more than a necessary evil to the people of Huntsville. He is good at his work, sessions with him regularly setting heads back into place on shoulders in a place where it's easy to spiral. A logical, intelligent sort, it's easy to forget he's human, sometimes, speaking in large words and difficult terms when he's in 'work mode' and unwilling, truly, to let that part of him slip, he is sardonic even beneath it, blessed with a cutting wit and a head like a steel trap, mentally sound- but wounded, nonetheless, a grief looms below the surface- he suffocates it under other people's problems and the promise that someday he'll die too.

Occupation: Criminal Psychologist, currently serving as a psychotherapist in Huntsville for the... hard cases.

Affiliations: Mostly just police departments outside of Huntsville, and various reporters who use him as a source.

Scent Profile: Something expensive and musky, used sparingly as he's been stuck here for some time. The cloying smell of oil used to ensure the joints in his hand function correctly, cigar smoke, biting and sharp, flowing with sandalwood and real, rich leather. Sweet mint on teeth and tongue, fresh and bright to mask nicotine and coffee.

Aesthetic: A perfectly pressed suit and a cup of to-go coffee from the corner shop- a stop in your favorite bodega, for something bad for you from the heated cabinets. An analog watch on the wrist of a prosthetic arm, set perfectly to the second- time is money and he won't waste a dime. Man's best friend with a leather collar hand-stamped with his name, fluffy white hairs clinging to clothes betraying a harsh demeanor with something soft. Metal on metal, glass floating in the air- the screech of tires, the smell of gasoline and the whole of your world ending, right in front of you- rising to your feet and dusting off- you were not raised to quit.

The only thing I haven't done yet is die- And it's me and my plus one at the afterlife.

CHAPTER ONE: LIFE IN HUNTSVILLE POST ARRIVAL

Regarded largely as a necessary evil in town, Lex hasn't made many friends in Huntsville in his 3 years there since the car accident that inadvertently saved his life and ended three others. He is a capable doctor, with a vested interest in improving the lives of the people who come to see him, even those most others would deem hopeless, but it's at a professional distance, not friends to be helped or people to be cured, but case studies to be completed, something to sign, seal, and deliver to the desk of the next person tasked with their existence. He can't do much for some people- certain disorders would mitigate with medicine, others are tied to the town itself, but therapy sessions are oddly gentle, albeit blunt, when helping people is all he has left, it's become his entire existence, jaded and cold as he may be. He spends much of his time in the diner, drinking coffee and going over patient files, or simply people-watching, with Baguette the corgi set obediently beside his feet, the only other survivor of his arrival- the dog he 'didn't want.'

His habit of sleeping with the 'exceptionally hard cases' isn't common knowledge, but it's whispered- those he can't seek to fix in a 45 minute session, with a similar arms-length approach to others invited as temporary salvo on the ache in his heart and mind, his whole life was ripped away upon arriving, craving physical intimacy and emotional distance with the ability to read people well enough to find those just broken enough to provide. He's made his home and office in a small townhouse in the middle of Huntsville, living above his place of work, "Dr. Kerry A. Coleman Psy. D." on a front window in careful penmanship, his office hours in similar gold strict and unwavering, as are most things about Lex.

[xentaurvs]

heres to getting stronger in 2023

My Love,

I'm writing this because I don't know how to tell you and because I'm afraid of the reaction you will give me or of what you might think towards me.

This is 2.27 a.m., the 4th of January, 2023. You cross my mind, come to my dream; I can't sleep and feel emotional. As this is the first day of my period, this is a common yet drained feeling that I have always experienced in my whole life. At this moment, I started feeling deeply, and I feel you. I choose to embrace the Love and let it run through me. The tears come down, combined with the warmth. I take a deep breath and stop for a moment, realizing that I love you that deeply.

Happy New Year, my darling.

I want to say that I am so sorry that you met me. I am an emotionally stubborn psychopath with that bad temper and attitude that always cries and annoys you. I don't know why I have to feel and experience such a fluctuating emotion that significantly changes, and it just always gets worse when it comes to my period. I know I am an adult, and it is my full responsibility to manage my emotions, but sometimes I find it hard to address them adequately; yesterday, I was so angry, then I was sad, and now I just cannot stop crying. I am not going to use this woman's symptom as a reason for you to compromise my unpleasant behaviour. But I always put effort to get better and I want you to know that I have a whole lot of Love for you, and no matter what happens, I do love you.

I know you might have heavy things to carry on your shoulder, to think about quietly; you might be in a war you need to fight for. And I am afraid that my existence would just mess it up. I never meant to do bad things to you. But I can't resist saying that I am hard to understand. Yes, I blocked you that day. Not gonna lie; at that time, I was disappointed by your answer – related to our closest-best-friend marriage. But actually, I was triggered by the idea that 'if you don't want to communicate, then just don't. see you next year', and just a split second later, I was like, 'okay, I don't want to talk to you' and I distanced myself so I would not make the situation worse due to my uncontrolled emotions, and I blocked you. I was feeding my ego, which led me to ask myself, "what the fuck are you doing, idiot?' I started crying and missing you. Furthermore, I fully understand that you’ve got enough, and you might cant handle more.

I thought that no one would ever compromise my impulsive action. That I do not deserve every one. That no one would ever make it to have a partner like me. I am just like an exploded boom, and tbh I don't want people to understand that. Neither do you. But if I have to ask, I just want to be accompanied; throughout my journey, I promise to improve and work things out. Please appreciate the way I bloom. I have some coping mechanisms, but processing them takes time. I know you might feel exhausted, tired, or give up on me. I am so sorry... I don't know what I'm trying to say, but I hope you see the point that I'm willing to tell you about.

The reality is, none of us is easy to be with. Particularly, my own self with all of these chaotic things about me. Once again, I am so sorry for making you experience this uncomfortable and irritating situation over and over again. I am sorry you have to love me with all of this inconvenience.  I will make it out of this. I promise you I will. I am still getting used to it and finding our best harmony to grow together in the rhythm.  

Now it is 3.14 a.m., and I'm still crying; you know I'm bad at texting, sometimes I don't know what to say, and I don't know what to do. Writing it down is the best way. Please do not reply; I'm so afraid you might be angry or leave me because I always frustrate you. I am so sorry that I am making you feel that way. Please promise me that you will never forget this thing:

I love you,

and

No matter the situation, I never give up on you

I choose you, choose to walk the path of life together

But if life becomes too hard for you as my partner,

I have no right to make you stay

I will give you this letter this morning, and please do not give any reply or reaction; just please come here soon. I don't know, and I am not ready for the conversation you will bring to the table by text because I don't know what to say just please come here soon…

I miss you, my whole world.

As this is a new start of the year, I ask for an apology and wish the best for both of us.

Anyway, lets rock this fucking year!

tons of love and tears,

Larasati S

[psychic-oasis]

I’m searching for an answer. I have no questions. I ask everything. I need no answer. This oasis welcomes curiosity and befuddles despair.

Suffering is my home and each pleasure that comes my way is only a peek into the heaven that I believe in.

Navigating through the darkness I seek to discover new stars that will illuminate the human path.

I am seeking for an answer. Not for me, but for my dear friend. In his words:

“My biggest opp is myself not allowing myself to understand the concept of joy to the full extent making me wonder if I'll ever achieve it and putting me in a position where I'm so used to the lack of it that the most natural the most comfortable feeling is the emptiness and the downfall to such extent that when I feel happiness come scratching to the surface it scares me because it means that I'll no longer be in the comfort of what I have known for so long to be my "normal" inevitably meaning that I attempt to reject that happiness and perpetuating a cycle or self sabotage in order to return to the normalcy that is sadness.”

And he taught me how to finally step out of my comfort zone. It’s only right to help him answer the question of joy.

I only wonder, how a man like himself could struggle with the same thing I do. A god among men he is. And yet he is burdened with this? I am assured, by Kierkegaard, that what we call the interesting parts of my dear friend’s life are the result of some the deepest suffering. I only wish that him, being a knight of faith, will come to accept the joys that come his way. Kierkegaard did not assure us of joy, he assured of us despair and anxiety. Funnily, I think he made it possible to experience both extremes, as long as we can accept the most pressing of the two.

Happy and sad. Two categories. Good and bad. They can be used to describe most of our lives.

My dear friend breaks these categories and discovers the secrets of the universe and he has shared them with his friends and family along the way. I only hope that in breaking these categories, he has not left himself to forever live in the uncanny. The uncanny which, after enough disillusioning, leaves you at the very same place you entered this world—in suffering. Perhaps suffering is not to fall in one or the other category, good and bad, happy and sad. Perhaps that is why it is so difficult to comprehend or to cope with.

Why should we benefit from his insights and wisdom, if we can put them into categories that improve our lives, while he does the work figuring this all out?

I suppose I should take it at a face value.

My dear friend does what we all ought to do, what we all need to do, what we all might find is an answer to the question we never wanted to ask. But will improve our lives indefinitely.

Self-responsibility.

Sartre says it’s the basic condition of existence, to be responsible for yourself.

But I think my dear friend has much more to say about that. But he won’t tell you in all the painstaking detail that he required in order to discover these secrets.

He speaks like a poet. You gain what you may from his wisdom. But if you really listen to what he’s saying. He’s saying that there is, indeed, a way.

There is a way.

When I sat at this waterfall, I just wanted to look cool. I was blind. And for a moment, I was just capturing the moment. Maybe that’s okay sometimes. To just want to set the scene.

Now I look back and I see myself walking confidently that day. On that day I had my dear friend walking with me.

He’s not gone. However long the distance. Never gone.

I can’t help but be thankful that he feels so close no matter how far.

Hopefully he has someone to walk by his side, no matter where he is.

But something tells me the reason he’s achieved so much is that he walks alone in stride. In defiance to the quiet universe.

His voice alone, echoes throughout the cosmos.

I listen.

[kuunibal]

"In my case, I have a tendency to be a people pleaser and help others to the point of neglecting my own wants, needs, and boundaries"

Maybe since I'm not this way naturally, I'm exactly opposite of it, so I find this whole 'giving' thing working for me. But you're like this so I assume this might not be the way for you, Infact it might drain u even more.

I hope you reach that state of mind which you're hoping for. Also, instead of wanting to ditch the quality entirely, you could try to just control it, like divert it to some place better?

Also, i can relate w the draining part to some extent, I think😅 what I did was.. Cut off all those 'draining' friends n activities that only took from me. I must've spoke n written many huge essays/paras to help ppl (perfectly acc to their problems) n despite that, they still repeated crying over the same things so mostly I was just repeating the same stuff again n again.. Ugh.. N when I went to them for smth, since they're not like this, I obv didn't get my kind of response to stuff, which frustrated me at first, but then I learnt to control my expectations. Maybe mostly ppl just need an ear. Even i sometimes. It's ok. Anyway, now I tend to avoid such ppl who can bring this in me. Like I think abt how u be replying to all our hefty msgs! I'd never be able to do this! Seriously, claps to you! Also if your darling was my friend, I think I'd help her a lot at first w her decisions in whatever ways I could, but since I'm not attracted to her, I'd stop at one point, the moment I realise she's only gonna drain me. No offence but she does sound sorta draining from ur descriptions. Like how she's coming to u w her problems! I'm not so open so I don't understand this abt her. She reminds me of some ppl in my life who were such a headache once.

True, I don’t plan on having a bastardisation arc and stop caring about anyone else but myself. I just need to better moderate and communicate my wants/needs with other people’s.

I feel that, I find that many people want to vent their problems rather than solve them, so they want emotional reassurance and support instead of advice and harsh truths. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but I get how it can be frustrating to see people repeat the same mistakes and not really try to improve their situation, as well as draining to only serve as some’s emotional punching bag. It’s good that you know how to distance yourself when it gets too much! It sounds like you tend to be more problem-solving oriented when it comes to giving and wanting support from others. I am similar when it comes to giving (often unsolicited) advice, so I try to ask exactly what the other person wants from me: emotional support, specific advice, or just someone to listen.

I genuinely enjoy responding to asks and reading messages! Sometimes my response time gets sporadic because I have a low social battery and a hectic schedule, but I manage!

It can be a little tough with my darling mainly because it can be emotionally heavy, but I do care about her wellbeing and there are certain things she isn’t comfortable with going to anyone else to. She doesn’t want to scare off her relatively recent boyfriend with her mental health issues and already feels like a burden, so I am glad she is able to go to somebody instead of just suffering alone. I don’t help just because I love her, I just don’t want her to get hurt or die and apparently her options are limited. But we did have conversations about how it’s not sustainable for her to rely on me for that kind of thing (I am not always available!) and that there are other people she can trust.

[nikasholistic]

What’s your honest opinions about not getting along with family members? Does it ever make me a bad person/daughter/child to feel the need to cut off a family especially if they are one of your parents who is toxic and has no healthy treatment for me. It’s not like I’m cutting them off just for shallow reason, if I had to came to a point where I felt that decision should be make it because I have all the reason to. I don’t talk to my dad for years now and awhile ago he made a remark saying I am a bad daughter for having this kind of attitude towards him, wherein I literally rather be silent than be at war with him. Where should I position myself? How do I handle this kind of awkward relationship with a parent I dont feel a healthy connection to? I honestly dont know what to do at this point. Its hard when the most difficult people in your life are your own family. And the culture expects you to stick with family or else you are a rebellious child.

It's okay to distance yourself from toxic people, even if these people are a part of your family. Sometimes you need to prioritize your mental health, so please don't feel bad about setting boundaries. At the same time, we might feel like we have certain obligations when it comes to our parents, and it's completely normal. I think that if your dad wants you in his life, he has to learn how to communicate. He has to be willing to start talking about your relationship and the possible ways of improving it, which may include going to therapy. If he's willing to work on this relationship, give him a chance. But always listen to your heart. You're not doing anything wrong 🤍

[omega-tech]

i fear for my little brother drinking

I don’t usually talk about my family that much. I do alot with my bastard sister but that's another story. This time i am talking about my little brother, i don’t have an issue with or hate him. The thing I don't like about him is that he is a full blown out alcoholic. He got that from our father who was an alcoholic which I am glad I didn't pick up from him anymore (close to it but grandpa told me to stop). 

My brother has been drinking all his life and even though he tries to quit, it just crawls it way back. And it happens when he is not doing so well at work, life issues, or anything that would challenge him in life. I think he got worse when he took up that job as a prison guard in kenedy,tx. That job stress him out so much and he was on full alert mode because he didn’t know if one of the prisoners would try to kill him. He also witnessed that at that prison, someone who murder someone in front of him. But it also questioned his decision when a few guards were trying to test him to see if he could be one of them. I would like to tell ya what he told me but i will keep that private but all i gotta say is that this police/jail guard brotherhood shit, it needs to stop. My brother worked at that job for almost three years I think, and in those three years it made him a different person and what he viewed in his own eyes about his world. His relationship with his girlfriend fell apart, his best friend was using him and guilt tripped him when they’ll roommates after he couldn’t pay his rent and didn’t want to be homeless, traveling back and forth. And his drinking became worse and worse because he was trying to numb the stress out of his head. 

So after those three years he decided he had enough of that job, even though he liked the pay, the stress wasn’t worth the travel back and forth. And that's when I think he started to fall apart. He just lost motivation about life, he didn’t want to improve it or try to fix it, it was just like he was done trying to climb up to that ladder after everything he lost in his life is now gone from the one thing that made him happy. It was also the reason I distanced myself from him when he was getting worse and worse when he was drinking heavily. I did try to help him stop drinking but he just ignored me and would get mad at me while telling me he got this in control when he didn’t. Even though my father gave up drinking years ago after he retired, he didn’t even try to tell him to stop knowing he is destroying himself the sameway my father was when he was his age. I couldn’t do anything because I had no one to help me try to tell my brother to stop drinking and get help. 

And then he started to read and follow a certain group of people all while hating the wrong things about this world we live in. He would bash on certain subjects like when he didn’t like it when people give their opinions about Barack Obama being better than trump. Or when he think that he know more about god when he doesn’t and give out the wrong impersonal on certain touchy subjects like gays and lesbians even trans-gender people. And he knows I support the lgbtqia movement, even though he doesn’t say anything to me or question my sexuality (the reason I say that is because sometimes he thinks i am gay when i am not) . I even hate it when he would use God as a weapon in these dabate moments when I try to have a simple conversation. But he would leash out like that when he is buzzing or has one or two drinks in him. 

I just wish my brother would just open his eyes and just accept how things are and just try to stop drinking completely and get therapy help. It's already bad enough that I have an older brother who is far away from his drinking and drug use, and god knows where he sleeps at night because I fear him being homeless out in the streets. And that is what I don't want for my little brother. But how can I talk to someone who just hates the world for no reason and didn’t have it his way when he fell off of life. I just hoped my little brother would just wake up before it was too late for him. 

[growingup101blog]

January Overview

Hello, sooo January whizzed by in a flash. One moment, I was on a New Year’s Day call with my cousins, sharp at 12 am, and the next, I am sitting at the tiny desk in my room, on the 27th of January, recollecting the first month of 2024. Time baffles me sometimes. And space too. On the 2nd of January, I was on my way to surprise my relatives in Lucknow, with handmade besan ke laddoo. I think it was around this time, or perhaps a day or two before, when I started re-reading the Percy Jackson and Olympus Books. That was truly a joyous experience. To relive the bits and pieces of childhood I had forgotten somewhere in the school library’s centre table’s left corner seat. The thrill and excitement to finish a book series, embodying the 13-year-old Sarah, I finished the series within a week, that too while traveling and spending time with relatives and cousins (more like hiding from them during reading time lol). A great way to start the New Year, isn’t it?

Soon after that, around the 8th of January, I returned to my correspondence address, from where I was supposed to leave for my university the next day. Change of plans. Changes in mood. Loved it. Gave myself the deserved "me-time," which I don’t usually get in my hostel or Uni. Played games, video-called long-distance online bestie, baked fun stuff, and saved some for friends and for binge-eating in the hostel. Came to the College on the 14th of January and hung out with friends and acquaintances. Spent the next day productively rewinding and planning for the weeks ahead. The class schedules and course details, along with some preparation for classes the next day. I really liked how during this time, the distractions that had been stuck in my mind for the past few months were completely "unalive". And till this date are "unalive". Saw them on the 14th and felt euphoric that I felt nothing upon coming across that interaction. Then the hustle and bustle of college life began.

Waking up before anyone else, showering, and getting ready before 8. Light breakfast and then spend whatever time was left after reading. Then off to college with my friends. Arriving earlier than the sloths and being introduced to the new professors. Attending classes with full attention, practicing active retention, and trying not to "unalive" some creatures. Trying to save money and doing better than before but still in desperate need of some improvement. Spending mornings in classes and then afternoons in the Dome building cafeteria, catching up on the missed work and studying ahead. Evenings are more relaxed than the hectic but occupied days which I like. Keeps my head in the game. And nights spent peacefully, almost.

I am glad that I am becoming a more consistent person, in terms of completing my study targets, homework assigned, and praying at the right time, regularly. Persistence and consistency are the key, I am aware. And trying to incorporate that into my routine to achieve a disciplined lifestyle. I have also put up healthy boundaries which were most definitely necessary. And as you can guess, I am much more at peace now. This month does feel like I took the right steps towards my goals and ambitions. Not all, but the majority of them. I am really happy and, well, not satisfied but not completely dissatisfied, Thank God. I just need to not break my streak and continue to work with the fire in my eyes and trust in my heart, that if God wills, I will surely achieve more than just my goals.

That’s all for the January review

See ya next month

Sarah

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi, I’m an INFP dating an ISTP in a long-distance relationship. We’re both 21 and have been dating for about 3 years. But I have a problem with our relationship that I don’t know how to fix. We’re really attached to each other and spend as much time as possible together, although I am definitely the clingier one most of the time (he has his moments too).

I find myself getting really defensive and on guard whenever he acts more “neutral” to me or makes “logical” observations… I know it’s stupid, but I start taking everything offensively when he’s not overtly affectionate or lovey-dovey with me, which I know rationally isn’t proper, but in the moment I can’t help but get emotional over nothing, and I kind of feel myself being destructive but struggle to resolve it anyways. I’m surprised he tolerates me, I’m sure it’s incredibly annoying, and sometimes even his reassurance isn’t enough for me because it feels shallow or like he’s just saying what I want to say since he usually isn’t very elaborate about his feelings or moods.

I guess it kind of scares me that I can’t read him, even though he’ll say there’s nothing to read… I can’t help but assume he’s against me or doesn’t like me or something in the moment if he’s not flirty or affectionate, when he’s probably just being his normal self. I also get stupidly jealous when he hangs out with his friends, although he usually tells me he misses me when we can’t spend time together or talk and that he’d rather be with me.

I think it’s because compared to him I lack a social life… most of my friends aren’t close to me anymore and don’t really care about me in my opinion, so I rarely see them. All I do is go to college, and I don’t have any real friends there either, and I still live with my parents who can be toxic and overbearing. So I really only have him, and it’s just hard. But I don’t like the direction my mentality is going, and I don’t want to get worse, so I guess I’m asking for some advice or steps I can take to improve myself and feel more secure in my relationship.

----------------------

The more dependent you are on something, the more you will fear losing it, which often leads to desperate or overbearing behavior. As a general rule, you shouldn't depend on only one person to fulfill all of your emotional needs. By doing this, you turn love into a burden for your romantic partner. While they may be willing to shoulder the burden, it isn't fair to them, and it sucks all the fun out of the relationship. How can dominant Fi be healthy and feel at peace when you're behaving in a way that is exploitative?

You've already pointed out a major aspect of the problem: you don't have any other social and emotional supports in your life. If you're in college, it means you're an adult, but you aren't properly nurturing adult independence. Independence doesn't mean you have to do everything alone, rather, it means you have to take the initiative to get the things you need and want in life. Independent people take matters into their own hands and don't waste time with waiting around, self-pity, or wishful thinking.

For example, you could put more effort into building yourself a social support network as well as engaging in activities outside of your romantic relationship. Many introverts struggle with this. You don't have to be the life of the party or a social butterfly to build a social support network. A small handful of carefully chosen friends should suffice. Join clubs or group activities. Observe some good friend candidates and take the initiative to strike up a relationship with them. If it works out, great. If it doesn't work out as expected, oh well, simply move on to the next person.

Remember that once you leave school and enter the workforce, it becomes much more difficult to make new friends. College is an ideal time to make friends because there's much more opportunity to meet like-minded people. Knowing more people in college can open more doors for you personally and professionally. Don't waste the opportunities right in front of you. This will require you to develop auxiliary Ne and entertain a wider range of possibility in your life (see the Type Development Guide). Ne development is also necessary for changing repetitive patterns of behavior, through choosing new and different paths for opening yourself up to the world.

[ieatsurveys]

Do you own anything from Victoria's Secret "Pink" line? Do you really think the clothes are worth the price? I do not, and I wouldn't know.

What does your last incoming text say, who was it from, and how do you feel about that person? TY -Dad - meh.

Did you have a New Year's kiss? Not last year and I won't this year.

Are there any words that you cannot pronounce or that you pronounce incorrectly? Yes.

After a long day at work or of doing something physical what tends to hurt more? Your back or your feet? Both.

Do you have a smart phone? If so, what's your favorite app? Yes, and Facebook and Instagram.

Who would you say is the overall best person you know, and why? Mmmmmm, not sure. I have a lot of people in my life who are good.

If you had to choose between being a Nurse or an English teacher which would you choose and why? English teacher, because I love the subject.

Do you have a specific gas station you usually go to? Or do you stop wherever? Yes.

How much older than you was the oldest person you have dated/had a relationship with? Only two year difference. I'm talking to a guy now since June and he'll be up here in April for a weekend and he's 40 and I'm 34.

Is anything stressing you out at the moment? Nah.

What is your opinion on dating someone who already had a child/children from a previous relationship? I'm fine with it. Ric has kids.

Have you ever actually found a mascara that makes a huge difference for your lashes? Yes.

Would you rather have one or two great facial features that stand out, or have just an overall pretty face but have no special features? I'd take the pretty face.

Do you have any plans for Valentine's Day? Did you do anything last Valentine's Day? No and no.

Do you check your horoscope daily? If so, did you relate to your horoscope at all today? Sometimes. I did check it today and yeah, it fits.

When you need to remember something, how do you usually go about doing so? I use my Notes app on my phone.

Do you think you're a confident person? In your opinion what makes someone "confident" anyways? I am pretty confident. Meh, if you like yourself, even your flaws that you're working on :)

How would you describe someone that is your type of guy/girl? Ric and I are pretty similar in our humor and we laugh and make far way too many inappropriate jokes. Haha.

Do you read books often? What is your all time favorite book and author? I used to but haven't in a while. I like Francine Rivers for fiction and Henry C. Cloud for self-improvement books.

Have you recently accomplished anything that you are proud of yourself for? I got myself a lawyer for a situation.

Are you still friends with any of your exes? Do you still communicate with any of them at all? I'm still friends with my previous fwb. But no exes.

What is your opinion on people that shop at Sephora for makeup as opposed to buying makeup from the drugstore? I don't care.

When you enter a store like Target or Walmart where is the first section you go? Target would be clothes and walmart would be grocery.

Are you the type of person to fight for someone or walk away? Depends on the person. I tend to walk away pretty easily, though.

Is marijuana legal for "recreational use" where you live? Also what is your opinion on the recent legalization of marijuana in certain states? Yes, and I think it should be legal.

Do you live on your own or with your parents/a roommate? Do you think you'd like to live alone? I live on my own. I would rather have a roommate.

How often would you say you use Microsoft Word? I use Google Docs.

What is the last online purchase you made? Taco bell.

Do you usually have bad symptoms around "that time of the month"? No. I used to.

Is there anyone you have to see on a daily/weekly basis that you really dislike? No.

Is your hair thick or thin? Would you say it's easy to manage? Thin and yeah, it is.

Have you ever had to deal with any type of long distance relationship, whether it be a romantic relationship or a friendship? I'm dealing with it now.

Are you procrastinating doing anything right now? Yes.

How do you feel about being called sweetie/dear/honey/etc.? It depends. Usually, women do that passive-aggressively just to piss you off, haha. I think it's just dumb.

Have you ever had a thing for/relationship with a coworker? How did it end? Never have.

What type of deodorant do you use? Do you notice any difference between powders and gels? I don't even know and no.

What would you say is your worst habit? Peeling off nails.

Do you have a place you go to a lot that you may be considered "a regular" at? No. I used to be a regular at Starbucks when I was a student.

Do you ever read the articles posted on the home page of Xanga? Has there ever been one that has really stood out to you? I never did, no.

What is the weather currently like where you live? Cold and sunny.

Is there anyone that you text on a regular basis that you do not have saved in your phone? If so, why don't you have their number saved? No.

Do you have any plans for Mardi Gras? No.

[ggcampbellgrad604]

The Creative and The Creation

Who am I as a designer?

Someone who experiments, who enjoys letting my subconscious do the work. Let the pen drive itself on the paper and see what I come up with. There is a chaotic energy to my work or explosiveness. Ragged and worn. Mixing old with new. A mesh and recycling of previous works with other previous works. Taking how I am feeling at that time and putting on paper or on the computer in a visual way. How emotion is captured in design. How a temporary state of mind can be captured in a static visual way. That can be seen over and over again. I think I am still trying to find my groove as a designer. It’s that gap between I know what I like and I know what I think looks good but my skills aren’t at the level to execute it how I want. I know my work can be better. In the inbetween stages of learning to become a well rounded designer. Where I want to be will be achieved by continually producing work getting closer and closer to the voice I want. I don’t always like having purpose or meaning behind my work. I want it to simply exist for the enjoyment of others all though in turn that is a purpose but is far less complex than some design examples I have seen. I enjoy philosophy and pondering on life's big questions and what it means to be a good person. I like exploring the idea that western culture in particular forces us to have purpose, meaning and value in life whereas some cultures believe we are on this earth to simply exist and experience. Similar to my design I want it to simply exist and people can make of it what they will. 

What influences on me as a designer and where do they come from?

Music influences me hugely and film as they are the things that can sometimes bring out the strongest of emotions. Music of all kinds. My family influences me. How I was brought up and my core values. My close friendships with people that have different perspectives to me and how we can coexist and intertwine. Social media undeniably influences me and what I choose to consume and not consume. 

How can I unpack the personal design ideologies that cultural shifts, ethics, and responsibility that impact my decision making?

The rise of self-help and self improvement has impacted my design approach. I also find that there are more and more perspectives developing everyday surrounding socio-culture issues/world debates. With so much access to new perspectives with the internet and millions of resources it’s easy to find ideologies that resonate with you. It is also very difficult to sift through lots of the bullshit on the internet. There is so much fluff on the internet that it has influenced my design approach to keep things somewhat analog. To have my computer or online resources to aid me but not to override my natural design process. 

How might I expand my visual vocabulary by understanding environmental, social, culture, and political context?

This question doesn’t quite resonate with me and I feel unable to answer it with much meaning. I feel as though this question is encouraging me to have my morals all in a row when I am still figuring out who I am and what things I agree with or like and dislike. It’s pointed out how much I really don’t know about what I stand for. Which is in turn good because it can make me dig deep and ask myself what I am truly interested or passionate about. 

Where do I stand in relation to my practice and what do I value? 

Currently I am less sure of this practice and if it’s something I want to do lifelong. It still interests me but I feel creatively exhausted that I can feel myself distancing myself from it. It feels like more of a chore than it used to. But I have noticed I am beginning to push back at it, making it a priority. Releasing that if I don’t put some solid thinking or effort into my work I will continually feel like I am falling short of my potential. I know I am capable but I need some gentle self discipline which I am aware of and working on. If it does not interest me I do not want to do it as easily so I am aiming to really hone in on what I like and go from there. Make briefs fit my interests and not someone else's. Feeling as though currently I am doing my best to reignite the spark with art and design and am putting effort into making things more fun with my work. I value the analogue process as nothing can quite replicate a human form. Incorporating that as much as I can into design. 

What key themes, ideas and conversations are speaking in our through my work?

Advocating for individuality and being yourself. Freeness of the mind. Playful and charismatic. Doing whatever feels right at the moment. I am capable of logical design like brand identity etc but I am also a strong believer that a balance of flowing creativity that doesn’t have to have meaning is important. It is about the art simply existing. 

What is the nature of my communication design practice and research?

Lots of tangents and random rabbit holes. I go on lots of rants about life and ideologies I align with. But I also feel as though my design can sometimes fall short because I still want to maintain a life and other hobbies outside of design. Design seems to encroach on every other aspect of my day. Not always a bad thing but it sometimes can’t be switched off when trying to focus on other things that make my life whole. I feel guilty sometimes that I don’t put 100 percent into every single bit of work I do. I am trying this semester to become more involved and dig deeper with design but I still need to remember that this is not my whole life. Again tangents. I feel as though sometimes my design only makes sense to me or aspects of it do. These rants and tangents make sense to me but do they have the same effect on others? Aiming to summarise my thoughts and design process in a less complicated way than I sometimes make it to be. I find he more I think the less I do. The more I just play then refine my work seems to become more successful and I am more satisfied. 

What specialist subject do I want my work to convey?

I actually don’t know. I feel as though I am still finding a specialist subject. Although I do seem to love talking about philosophy and how we can better ourselves as people. People's behavioural patterns interest me and how people's brains are wired. Individuality. 

Are there specific techniques and crafts I want to hone in on my practice?

Definitely printing. Different types of printing like screen printing. Stamping. I wanna try printing where you burn an image onto something using the sun. I love making abstract collages and patterns and I would love to keep doing that both in and outside of uni.