#and after practicing q lot and feeling slow i almost beat 32 heat hades

[softness-and-shattering]

Somewhere between diary wntry qnd sharing information.

Iove bwen doing a super duper slow easy exercise program for, ny time sense is wobbly but somewhere betwewb 3 weeks and 2 months and Im feeling progress. Knowing what professionals have tried to stqrt ne on as a beginners program I would probably tell a stranger than Im exercise intolerant or that I suspect I am; on the kind of program Ive been put on in the past and told "this is basic, push through it and you'll see results" I am absolutely am. Objectively, I have no idea. Shoutout to the one good exercise physiologist who taught me how to - and that its ok to - do this.

Exercise one, lie on your back, in bed is fine. Knees bent, and then just lift your pelvis up. If you cant ger your butt off the mattress thats totally fine, just engage the muscles.

Exercise two, lie on back, knees bent, legs together. Moving your hips, twist so your knees touch the bed, then swing them in an arc so they touch the bed on the other side. This is a super gentle spine/back stretch.

When I started this, for reference I was out of breath going to the bathroom thats not far at all. I could do 3x these exercises and that was it for the day. If I push to twice a day, for sure by the end of the week Id crash.

At the moment I can do ten each, and a few days ago I added 3 sit-to-stands, which is exactly what it sounds like. You sit, ideally on a solid chair not a mattress but work with what you have, and then you stand up. Im starting at 3, I could possibly push myself to do more, but the aim of the game is slow, safe, steady progress. If I have to slow down and do one set of exercise over the course of a week, so be it. Extending the exercises gradually, while also keeping them comfortably within my daily capacity is the most important aspect of it all. If I push, if I let myself be ambitious, Ill end up right back at the beginning. And its incredibly frustrating, it takes me so much more willpower to NOT do something than to try, and crash. (And then I habituate to telling myself no so it becomes difficult to say yes in general.saying no is still nuch harder). Its really really about the marathon, pacing and patience and managing expectations is everything.

I think thats also why Im sharing this, cause does it sound like an.impressive athletic feat? No it doesnt! It doesnt look different from the outside at all and it feels a little pathetic to explain. And let me say, if youre out of breath struggling to get to the bathroom or struggling to sit up, that is morally neutral. You know yourself best. You know what you need most, you know whats possible for you, zero judgdment, listen to your body 100% of the time.

And for me this IS a big deal and Im trying to let myself feel that. Ive tripled my exercise!! Ive been consistent with it for over a month! I FEEL different, I move easier, I can bend over a little bit sometimes now. Last week I scooped cat food from the bottom of the giant container, and I didnt need a hand on the wall to stand back up, I just stood! I can do more laundry before my back/upper butt muscles start hurting now, and my hips are less stiff, my walk is a little less stiff. Its a huge improvement to how I feel and move and exist in my body.

Theres still an enormous distance between me and someone abled and unfit. Like if my mobility was 1% maybe its now 4%. A HUGE improvement and totally worth celebrating, and also expectation management Im not going on a run next week. Depending on if improvement is exponential, I dont know, maybe I can walk q block unaided in a year. If I can keep it up in pacing and also remembering because habits take a looooong time to form. Usually I do this days to ...months one time, and then I forget, other things rightfully take my front burners and progress goes non-linear. Hopefully I keep it up q long while because changes visible only to me are still improvements 100%. And it improves my quality of life. And it HAS to be slow.

I was saying to my therapist something about slow progress feeling frustrating, she said "well we say slow progress but maybe its not slow. Maybe thats just the time it takes" and yeah that resonates.