#((by god this was brutal to write))
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words-etched-in-her-skin Ā· 1 year ago
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HI, SO.. PERIOD HORNIES STRIKE AGAIN..
This little snippet was absolutely, definitely not inspired by anything irl šŸ‘€ Ahem, nope.
.ā–ŖļøŽĀ°ā€¢..ā˜†.ā€¢
"Uh uh.. not yet, draga."
You let out an arousingly needy whimper. The Lady's voice soft and warm - smooth like whiskey - with such a subtle tone to it that somebody else might have missed the absolute demand behind it. Though, the fact that it cracked ever so slightly when she got to your pet name, only proved that she was just as worked up as you were. But you also knew that Alcina's reserve could far out last yours if she wanted it to.
Another thrust into your aching core and you whimpered again, this time digging your nails into the sheets. The Countess had been edging you for what seemed like hours. A constant ebb and flow of pleasure that had your body absolutely trembling with need.
"P-please."
"Mh.. and deny yourself the honor of coming with your Mistress?"
Alcina smirked as she drove herself into you again, roughly.
"Ah-!" You cried, before letting out a soft sob half whimper. "I'll.. but I can c-come again for you, my lady."
The Countess chuckled at your plea before leaning down, her large frame casting you in a dark shadow.
"You could..." Her breath warm across your ear, a slight hiss to the next words that she gave you. ".. but I told you to wait."
You cursed under your breath and nodded. "Y-yes, Mistress."
"Mh.. that's better."
The large woman hummed in satisfaction before rising to her full height, a flash of crimson and two golden spheres staring down at you. A deliciously wet sound as the length of her cock slowly slid out of you, stretching you around the width of her before it stopped just short, reaching the tip.
"Now..." Her tone almost as dark as the curl across her lips as she readied your hips for impact, the head of her cock throbbing inside your entrance. "Shall we see just how many times I can get you to come for me... my needy little slut."
.ā–ŖļøŽĀ°ā€¢..ā˜†.ā€¢
OKAY, THAT IS ALL. THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY THIRST TALK ā™”
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i-dreamed-i-had-a-son Ā· 4 months ago
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WAIIIIIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT HOW DID I JUST NOW LEARN AFTER ALL THIS TIME--
Like, I've known about the religious aspect of Javert's death! Catholic theology taught that suicide was a mortal sin, meaning a sin that would send you to hell--Javert, who is described as exactingly religious (viewing religion as another authoritative structure, in contrast to Valjean's personal faith), was so distraught over the error and failure of his worldview, that he broke what he'd regarded as a sacred rule to punish himself and condemn himself to hell. I've known this! And it's agonizing!!
But then I read a YouTube comment of all things, and maybe this is an old take but it just eviscerated me:
At the time of Javert's death, suicide was a crime in France.
His last act was to break the law.
Mr. Hugo, I'd like to retire now, you're giving me too many emotions to process.
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1sickpuppyybegs Ā· 3 months ago
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new brainrot new brainrot new brainrot
imagine being tied face down, no clothing to protect you, and your ler has mentioned feeling sadistic. youā€™re nervous for whats coming but can generally expect it. probably start with fingers, then work up to more evil tools until either you safeword or theyā€™re done. scary, but you can mentally prepare for it.
then you feel the whisper of a cluster of feathers trickling down your spine, and itā€™s maybe the one thing you werenā€™t ready for. you spasm and giggle convulsively, the element of surprise heightening your reactions. itā€™s not great, but if itā€™s going to be a sadistic night it shouldnā€™t last long enough to make it unbearable.
and then they move ever so slightly to the side, targeting that ever-so-sensitive skin where the back and sides meet. then itā€™s really bad. your reactions are less from shock now and more from the intensity of the sensation, and from the embarrassment of still getting so worked up from tickles so light you didnā€™t even think to prepare for them. those feelings only get worse as they dust the deathly ticklish skin of your ass, now strong enough to bring out small gasps for mercy and pleas that you canā€™t take it.
ā€œsurely itā€™s not that bad,ā€ they coo down at you, drinking in your desperation like fine wine, ā€œyouā€™ve let me brush your feet, bruise your ribs, tickle your neck and collarbones until you couldnā€™t breathe, and you canā€™t take this? poor helpless puppy, too ticklish for their own good~ā€
and that, exactly, is one of the worst parts. you have been through worse. you have been tickled harder, with worse tools. and some of those you could even hold yourself still for, or hold out on begging. itā€™s not the brush thatā€™s doing this, not the electric toothbrush or even that godforsaken dog toy; itā€™s one of those stupid ticklers, the ones people keep around as jokes. and itā€™s currently bringing you to the edge of insanity. the way itā€™s making deliberate trails across your lower back, to your ass, to the backs of your thighs and knees, with the occasional regular feather teasing your paws- youā€™ve started to realize that this is the sadism on display.
how long can you take it before you beg to be tickled by literally anything else? how long will they make you take it, using the knowledge that knowing you can be broken like this is sooo embarrassing for the poor little pup šŸ„ŗ
please let it be forever šŸ„ŗ
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dennisboobs Ā· 1 year ago
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some of you should not speak on dennis until you've rewatched sunny in full instead of just the macden-centric eps.
#literally not even a matter of like. different interpretations it's just some of y'all forget literal canon events that disprove shit#i get schooled by people abt den too i have my weaknesses w writing him#but like oh my god#some of y'all would be better off if you looked at him outside of a macden context#he's not evil incarnate#he's fucked up and he does awful shit#but that is a little boy wearing an adult face#to just make him evil for no reason completely removes any interesting bits of him.#one of the keys to sunny's writing is that#rcg always makes sure that motivation is understandable *in that character's eyes*#dennis has a very specific purpose for everything he does#he isn't just cruel for no fucking reason#he's 'brutally honest' because he thinks its his duty to break the news#he's absolutely entitled and arrogant and misogynistic#but he doesn't set out to be Mean just for the sake of it#den thinks he is doing good. he thinks he's in the right. its not him it's everyone else.#he's doing you a favour by saying you're ugly (and propping up his own decimated self esteem)#that being said he's also not innocent pookie either#but i would say its like. in a lot of ways he IS oblivious to the reality of what hes saying/doing#part of that is his privilege as a white man who grew up being supported by and continues to be supported by his parent's wealth#but the gang enables the shit he does just as frank financially enables him#they are so insular it's like impossible to break out of the gang and interact with normal people#because if they don't get it then dennis is going straight back to the gang to feel validated and to hell w everyone else#on some level he knows shit is unacceptable but he's never learned Why and never will because theres no reason to#like when mac is completely fucking shocked by den talking abt the implication dennis CANNOT let that go unchecked#he needs mac to understand him because he's realizing that it's *actually* fucked up. bc even mac thinks so.#and when dee calls what happened with klinsky Rape everything IMMEDIATELY crumbles for him#dennis is introspective but he will justify shit and compartmentalize until his friends challenge it#he looks to media; tv and movies where the protagonist gets away with shit because its schlock fiction#and dennis DOES see himself as a protagonist. it's all justifiable bc he's the good guy.
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magnetic-regent-magneto Ā· 4 days ago
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šŒš”š’š„Ā  Ā Ā  š€š„š’š“š‡š„š“šˆš‚ Ā ,Ā  Ā Ā  š‡šŽš‘š‘šŽš‘Ā  Ā Ā  š„šƒšˆš“šˆšŽš!
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boldĀ  whateverĀ  appliesĀ  ,Ā  italicizeĀ  whatĀ  sometimesĀ  applies.
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š šØš­š”š¢šœĀ  š”šØš«š«šØš«.Ā Ā Ā  Ā  Ā /Ā  Ā Ā  Ā Ā gaslights.Ā  corsets.Ā  ballrooms.Ā  candlelight.Ā  mist.Ā  starlessĀ  nights.Ā  fullĀ  moons. Ā cobbledĀ  streets.Ā  horse-drawnĀ  carriages.Ā  mysteriousĀ  strangers.Ā  bogs.Ā  moors.Ā  forests.Ā  mountains.Ā  castles.Ā  velvet.Ā  silver.Ā  brass.Ā  gold.Ā  jewels.Ā  dominoĀ  masks.Ā  theĀ  opera.Ā  dangerousĀ  romances.Ā  tragicĀ  romances.Ā  violins. Ā roses.Ā  lilies.Ā  emptyĀ  graves.Ā  crosses.Ā  cemeteries.Ā  snow.Ā  ice.Ā  theĀ  gallows. Ā crows.Ā  milk-whiteĀ  skin.Ā  ambiguousĀ  illness.Ā  fangs.Ā  pointedĀ  nails.Ā  somethingĀ  howlingĀ  inĀ  theĀ  night.Ā  capes.Ā  gloves.Ā  topĀ  hats.Ā  straightĀ  razors.Ā  lightning.Ā  pipeĀ  organs.Ā  undergroundĀ  caverns.Ā  bats.Ā  mice.Ā  rats.Ā  ravens.Ā  cats.Ā  pearls.Ā  attics.Ā  talismans.Ā  axes.Ā  wood.Ā  isolationĀ  inĀ  aĀ  roomĀ  fullĀ  ofĀ  people.Ā  vampires.Ā  werewolves.Ā  ghosts.Ā  coffins.Ā  southernĀ  europe.Ā  westernĀ  europe.Ā  easternĀ  europe.Ā  bones.Ā  churches.Ā  catacombs.Ā  mausoleums.Ā  books.
šœš„ššš¬š¬š¢šœĀ  š”šØš«š«šØš«.Ā  Ā Ā  Ā Ā  /Ā  Ā Ā  Ā Ā blackĀ  andĀ  white.Ā  powderĀ  puffs.Ā  redĀ  lipstick.Ā  wingedĀ  eyeliner.Ā  whiteĀ  kittenĀ  heels.Ā  blackĀ  laceĀ  lingerie.Ā  icyĀ  blueĀ  eyes.Ā  rain.Ā  abandonedĀ  cars.Ā  skeletons.Ā  acid.Ā  poison.Ā  voyeurism.Ā  switchblades.Ā  strangling.Ā  overcoats.Ā  lookingĀ  overĀ  yourĀ  shoulder.Ā  trans-atlanticĀ  accents.Ā  privateĀ  detectives.Ā  dinnerĀ  parties.Ā  hauntedĀ  mansions.Ā  alcoholĀ  inĀ  glassĀ  decanters.Ā  cobwebs.Ā  perfectĀ  blondeĀ  curls.Ā  kitchenĀ  knives.Ā  shock.Ā  cellars.Ā  dust.Ā  ghosts.Ā  darkĀ  alleys.Ā  emptyĀ  streets.Ā  drivingĀ  atĀ  night.Ā  horn-rimmedĀ  glasses.Ā  radiation.Ā  zombies.Ā  serialĀ  murder.Ā  suspicion.Ā  paranoia.Ā  theĀ  city.Ā  witches.Ā  theĀ  devil.Ā  cannibalism.Ā  conspiracies.Ā amulets.Ā  abjectĀ  terror.Ā  theĀ  americanĀ  south.Ā  theĀ  americanĀ  northeast.Ā  england.Ā  analogĀ  cameras.
š¬š„ššš¬š”šžš«š¬.Ā  Ā Ā  Ā  /Ā  Ā Ā  Ā Ā bloodbaths.Ā  massacres.Ā  wantonĀ  nudity.Ā  newspapers.Ā  leatherĀ  jackets.Ā  lettermanĀ  jackets.Ā  converseĀ  sneakers.Ā  obscuredĀ  faces.Ā  socialĀ  unrest.Ā  bonfires.Ā  lakes.Ā  babysitters.Ā  suburbia.Ā  highĀ  school.Ā  lockers.Ā  deadĀ  leavesĀ  inĀ  theĀ  fall.Ā  jack-oā€™-lanterns.Ā  outdatedĀ  televisionĀ  sets.Ā  nightmares.Ā  psychiatrists.Ā  hospitals.Ā  unstoppableĀ  forces.Ā  gunfire.Ā  police.Ā  landlineĀ  telephones.Ā  householdĀ  objectsĀ  turnedĀ  intoĀ  improvisedĀ  weapons.Ā  halloween.Ā  secrets.Ā  revelations.Ā  characterĀ  masks.Ā  scrunchies.Ā  queerness.Ā  wildĀ  curls.Ā  jeeringĀ  children.Ā  parties.Ā  fire.Ā  swearing.Ā  revulsion.Ā  california.Ā  theĀ  americanĀ  midwest.Ā  ambulances.
š©ššš«ššš§šØš«š¦ššš„Ā  š”šØš«š«šØš«.Ā Ā  Ā Ā  Ā /Ā  Ā Ā  Ā Ā  Ā malevolentĀ  spirits.Ā  seances.Ā  spells.Ā  missingĀ  bodies.Ā  curses.Ā  hiddenĀ  graves.Ā  whiteĀ  noise.Ā  static.Ā  flickeringĀ  lights.Ā  ringsĀ  ofĀ  salt.Ā  demons.Ā  poltergeists.Ā  darkĀ  histories.Ā  oldĀ  buildings.Ā  coldĀ  air.Ā  mausoleums.Ā  wells.Ā  urbanĀ  exploration.Ā  aĀ  dogĀ  barkingĀ  atĀ  somethingĀ  youĀ  canā€™tĀ  see.Ā  blackĀ  ooze.Ā  oldĀ  photographs.Ā  facesĀ  youĀ  canĀ  swearĀ  youā€™veĀ  seenĀ  beforeĀ  butĀ  canā€™tĀ  forĀ  theĀ  lifeĀ  ofĀ  youĀ  figureĀ  outĀ  where.Ā  darkĀ  bodiesĀ  ofĀ  water.Ā  crucifixes.Ā  priests.Ā  possession.Ā  exorcisms.Ā  dolls.
šœš«š²š©š­š¢šĀ  &Ā  š®š«š›ššš§Ā  š„šžš šžš§šĀ  š”šØš«š«šØš«.Ā  Ā  Ā  Ā /Ā  Ā Ā  Ā Ā aliens.Ā  blindingĀ  light.Ā  darkĀ  woods.Ā  drivingĀ  atĀ  night. claw-marks.Ā  bite-marks.Ā  menĀ  inĀ  black.Ā  memoryĀ  loss.Ā  dismemberedĀ  bodies.Ā  sewers.Ā  flashlights.Ā  cellĀ  phones.Ā  videoĀ  cameras.Ā  carsĀ  withĀ  tintedĀ  windows.Ā  unlabelledĀ  cassetteĀ  tapes.Ā  bugs.Ā  bigĀ  cities.Ā  urbanĀ  crimes.Ā  clowns.Ā  somethingĀ  rustlingĀ  outsideĀ  yourĀ  window.Ā  glowingĀ  light.Ā  unsolvedĀ  mysteries.Ā  suburbia.Ā  mirrors.Ā  theĀ  americanĀ  pacificĀ  northwest.Ā  theĀ  americanĀ  midwest.Ā  hikingĀ  /Ā  backpacking. Ā 
š­š”š«š¢š„š„šžš«š¬.Ā  Ā Ā  Ā Ā  /Ā  Ā Ā  Ā Ā  daylight.Ā  fluorescentĀ  lighting.Ā  morgues.Ā  asylums.Ā  unwaveringĀ  eyeĀ  contact.Ā  tension.Ā  litĀ  roomsĀ  withĀ  noĀ  oneĀ  insideĀ  them.Ā  aĀ  dogĀ  diggingĀ  inĀ  theĀ  newly-plantedĀ  flowerĀ  bed.Ā  steelyĀ  gazes.Ā  paperwork.Ā  anagrams.Ā  codes.Ā  convictedĀ  killers.Ā  missingĀ  persons.Ā  lawĀ  enforcement.Ā  federalĀ  agents.Ā  smallĀ  towns.Ā  suspicion.Ā  paranoia.Ā  subduedĀ  terror.Ā  dimly-litĀ  parkingĀ  lots.
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tagged by: @roquish <3
tagging: @witchkillr, @hexsreality, @onlyarogue, @alwaysxinxtrouble, @abovedivinity, @belayadeaths and anyone else that wants!! steal it!
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snowshinobi Ā· 3 months ago
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story that grows its characters until the time is right to butcher them. story that is indifferent to its characters' suffering because it knows this is inevitable. story that would exist with other characters in a different time with new but no less horrifying stakes. story with blood in its mouth and a calm stare in its eyes. story that tells you it gets worse. keep going.
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itspileofgoodthings Ā· 8 months ago
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Taylor returning over and over to the falling through the ice accident in the Bolterā€”everything to me
#like. just. the shock of it all#thereā€™s something about Taylor where her experience of life is so ā€¦.. brutal#like I donā€™t know how else to say it but it just is. life is not easy on her it is always ready to CLOBBER her#and in a way sheā€™s not easy on life. thereā€™s some kind of magnets/opposite poles stuff where sheā€™s just always drawn to the worst things#to feeling them and experiencing them and almost ??? creating them#like I donā€™t mean to overstate it. and I know she has a family who loves her (thank GOD)#and also sheā€™s very practical and industrious about creating this very Instagram worthy life full of Fine Things and a Fun Time#and of course all the resources in the world at her disposal to create all the trappings of it#whether itā€™s a celebrity Fourth of July party or the eras tour#and sheā€™ll do it and love it. but as all the best critics know and point out the most fascinating thing about Taylor is always the music#and itā€™s where all the weirdness and stubbornness and difficulties of her life. her a c t u a l longings her actual fears#her actual terrible awful experiences that she charges headlong down the paths of#is set free! and itā€™s breathtaking in the most shocking way#like falling through the ice! I always say the first thing that always hits me about a Taylor album is the bitterness#just this blast in the face. and her music is so gentle! in so many ways#and the packaging is so appealing and her voice is so soft and expressive and there is none of that weird experimentation#even musically (remember when she shut down imogen heap for putting a minor chord in clean she was like absolutely not. Iā€™m obsessed)#(with that moment forever)#but like. so much of Taylorā€™s packaging and life and HER really does SEEM so basic or ordinary or just rich girl ordinary I guess#she likes basic things and wants basic things. but also she is so hungry so restless so angry so wounded the rich internal life is CHURNING#all the time. every second. and itā€™s spectacular to watch and also I will worry about her until the day I die#or justā€”-I donā€™t know. itā€™s going to be spectacular and it is sometimes going to be awful#but she will keep furiously writing her way through it!!#there IS such a woundedness to her. and it makes me love her so much because itā€™s packaged in such a way people think it must just be#whining or privilege. but itā€™s not! itā€™s just. the human condition and Taylorā€™s own flaws#okay Iā€™ve lost the plot here a bit in my ramblings but yeah the ice metaphor. insanely perfect
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lilyharvord Ā· 4 months ago
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When is your harbor bay fic coming out. I am DYING to read it
Please understand as I write the harbor bay fic that the lyrics are definitely not ā€œHeaven is nothing to herā€ at the closing chorus; but in my HEART, in MY heart, they are. And it works so much better considering I am lying on my floor looking at the ceiling and thinking about how the music slows to just the beat in the back and those words are so clear and it feels like falling when you listen to it, and I just imagine Cal stumbling down the beach to Mare, barely able to make out her outline, before reaching through the sparks bursting off of her like solar flares and taking her hand in his, and her whipping to face who she thinks is Tyton, or Ella, or Rafe, only for Cal to brave the worst of her lightning and cup her face as the wind from the storm she created whips her hair around, and the moment slows until they only see each otherā€™s eyes, and only feel each others skin, and only hear each otherā€™s breaths (Calā€™s still recovering rattle, and Mareā€™s heavy panting as she comes down) and the sky slowly bleeds from dark to watery grey and then it starts to drizzle because Mare let go of the storm and it opens like a little curtain of relief over a bay that has literally been ravaged by Mare Barrowā€™s vengeance.Ā 
I swear to god, I donā€™t not support womanā€™s wrongs, but I do support their right to tear the world apart over the man they love dying. Like yes girly, kill all the sea life in the bay, sink Irisā€™s battleship, and literally turn the beach to glass so no one can ever walk on it again. Let them know that your heart has literally shattered and you will tear the world apart over the pain of it.Ā 
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thedeerman Ā· 4 months ago
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the funniest shit i write always comes out when iā€™m a lil high and completely forget about it until several days later šŸ˜­ like what the fuck is wrong with me sometimes i stg
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ef-1 Ā· 8 months ago
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I, Carrion [Icarian] | Hozier
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psalmsofpsychosis Ā· 10 months ago
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funny side of self medicating with the Shameless US subreddit tho; i realised that apparently i'm quite a minority for adoring Ian's S7-S8 gay jesus story arc and apparently most people really hated that plotline?? which is honestly hilarious because Ian's gay jesus story is one of the most significant and complex and intellectually charged parts of Shameless for me, it actually felt so congruent and coherent as a story, was executed in a very sincere and honest fashion, and the van blowup scene had me screaming at the top of my lungs. Every bit of that plotline is the least politically censored Shameless has ever been while not becoming too phony and preachy about it, and every bit of it is so incessantly and dearly Ian ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø like, he has so many many stellar insane (affectionate) moments in the show but if i have to only remember him for three my top choices are the moment he ties Fiona in a knot over how the family made an easy scapegoat of him with bipolar disorder as their excuse, the moment he defends Lip in his university reconsideration hearing, and the moment he blows up the van. Like, those moments are how i see him; emotionally honest, courageous (bordering on utter recklessness) and an iconoclast.
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hylianengineer Ā· 10 days ago
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Sometimes I think I just need to set someone else loose in my WIP documents and let them decide what's publishable. I'm terrible at this (the publishing. not the writing.)
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cookinguptales Ā· 1 year ago
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I will say, though, people used to be way meaner about fic online when I was a kid. Readers can still be shitty, don't get me wrong, but it was the wild fucking west when I was young and new to fandom.
Sporking communities (communities dedicated to going through fic line-by-line to make fun of it to an audience), homophobic death threats, "constructive criticism" that was really just designed to hurt young writers' feelings... Like this was all considered not just acceptable but fun and fairly normalized. You were considered "butthurt" if this stuff really affected you.
But damn, it was so mean. Like so unnecessarily mean. People were practically hunting fan writers for sport just because they wrote fic/meta/roleplays/etc. that they didn't enjoy. I cannot overemphasize that making fun of writers was considered a viable fandom path at a certain point. Some people got very big followings for sporkings, takedowns, particularly creative flames, etc.
What I'm telling you is that making fun of others' writing was considered a kind of fanwork in and of itself.
Like... I remember writing something online when I was about fourteen and -- I don't even remember what it was, being honest with you. It probably wasn't very good, given my age. But I do remember that someone just replied to it with a link for a website "how to write" and nothing else, and it hurt my feelings so badly that I didn't even want to keep going. That was considered concrit back then, even though it was really just a thinly veiled insult. Pretty sure whoever wrote that comment thought it was hilarious, and others would have agreed with them. I definitely would've been mocked if I'd complained.
And... that was just what you had to put up with if you posted your writing publicly. Some of those old warnings like "flames will be used to make s'mores!" come off as kind of cringe these days, but it really was a coping mechanism that you had to develop if you wanted to get through it at all. It was saying "your words won't hurt me, so don't bother."
Like... I like to believe that I'm a pretty good writer these days, and I can guarantee that not one of those assholes who made fun of me or mocked my work or talked shit about my ideas actually helped to make me what I am today. It was the people who encouraged me to play with a lot of different ideas and forms of writing who really helped me grow. Nothing worked better than just writing and writing and writing without fear that I would be punished for doing so.
So even if you're a garbage person who likes to hurt people because it makes you feel big and strong and important, think about all this pragmatically. Be totally fucking selfish for a minute. Think about all of the good writing you will never, ever get to read if you destroy the writer's self-esteem when they're still learning. Think about all the people who will never grow. All the beautiful flowers that are being nipped in the bud every day by assholes like you.
And even if someone never gets good, even if they just splash around in stupid ideas and awful prose and incoherent characterization... so fucking what? No one owes you beauty. Sometimes the beauty is just in having fun with what you're doing, and sometimes that's enough.
I am actually extremely relieved that fandom isn't quite as cruel as it was when I was a kid, but I won't pretend that things are perfect now. People still have this weird entitlement to them, like other people in fandom only exist to create things that they enjoy. Like other people only have worth, only matter, if their presence gives you exactly what you want when you want it.
You don't have to like everything that other people make! You don't even have to like them. But come on, now. Let people have fun. And don't act like other people's fun is only valid if it's of use to you.
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timeskip Ā· 2 months ago
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It was really funny that I started Umineko episode 2 (where they start talking about Halloween) the day after Halloween
->
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ROSA WHEN I FUCKING GET YOU
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theha1rarch Ā· 2 months ago
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@hidefire liked for a lyrical starter!
you belong with me - taylor swift
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"she's going off about something that you said."
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jaeyongdx Ā· 4 months ago
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āŽÆ āœ‚ āŽÆ real āŽÆ
lately, he's starting to understand how daeyong feels.
today, the experiments lasted well into the night.
usually they tell him what they're planning to do, to give him some illusion of choice. sometimes jaeyong considers saying i don't want to, just to see what happens, but he figures it's not worth the risk. besides, so far, none of it has been worse than what he's already endured in his life. some sick part of him shares the same curiosity he's sure the researchers have, too: how much can he take? how much can he bend before he breaks?
today they didn't tell him. they just came with a big syringe, and said this is going to make you unconscious. you'll be safe. he wonders if they think he's stupid ā€“ if they think he hasn't seen his brother's memories, and leafed through the fragments of reality and whatever they planted in his head. he'll be safe? he doesn't trust them. he hates them. sometimes he considers killing them all. the lead researcher has a nice scar on his neck, and on his arm. he isn't sure if he could bleed him out by himself. maybe.
but they injected him with whatever shit they had in the syringe, and he blacked out within seconds.
he caught on quickly, after a few startlingly realistic and detailed dreams ā€“ memories, but slightly off-kilter, something always a little wrong. they weren't him. of course he could tell he didn't conjure the images himself ā€“ at least not entirely. they wanted to see how precise his power detection was.
he probably should've pretended he didn't notice, but jaeyong's pride will surely be the death of him one day, because instead, he pointed it out, over and over: that's not real. i see you. you'll have to do better than that.
( cw: body horror, gore )
and they did. first it was even smaller changes to his memories ā€“ some he's sure he didn't notice in their entirety. and then they switched the approach, disrupting pleasant memories with horrific imagery: teenage daeyong's body splitting in half from his smile, cockroaches crawling out. one of his nephews he held in his arms exploding, covering him in chunks of their flesh. seoyun laying beside him smiling at him in one moment, then covered in blood and missing his eyes in the next.
not real, he said, despite the churning of his stomach. this isn't real, he said, despite the tightness in his throat and the prickling threat of tears in his eyes.
when he woke up ā€“ actually woke up, he didn't know where he was for several long moments. he just knew it felt different. he looked around wildly, searching for something unnatural to call out, and slowly reality sunk back in. the scientist in the chair beside him jotted something down on a clipboard, then said, thank you jaeyong. that's enough for today.
he doesn't get home until past midnight. he leaves his car in the parking lot at nepa hq and walks. he needs air. he needs time ā€“ to steel his defenses, to blink the vacant look out of his eyes and face his brother, who is not a pile of blood and guts. hopefully.
their apartment is dark when he arrives, and jaeyong takes his phone out of his pocket and uses the flashlight to make his way forward without tripping on anything. he shines it toward the couch, unsurprised to see daeyong there ā€“ more surprised that his eyes are open, staring blankly up at the ceiling.
"hey," he says, voice low, as if there's someone else he might wake up in the apartment. "what's up?" he's stopped asking are you okay? because daeyong is never okay. they broke him in there, leaving a mentally mangled version of his brother behind for jaeyong to drag out. none of this is okay.
but it also is. daeyong is here. daeyong is free ā€“ physically, at least. he is not a pile of blood and guts. he can eat real food and see the sunlight and sleep under a blanket when he gets cold. they can't hurt him anymore. jaeyong will do whatever it takes to make sure they can't hurt him anymore.
āŽÆ āœ‚ āŽÆ @daeyongdx āŽÆ
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